#nothing like wanting to scream throw up and cry while not being able to breathe in proper because it feels like a red hot knife stabbed me

[ramblingeekette]

Nothing like ending up at urgent care because one of my ovarian cysts decides to burst while I was at work.

Explains why I've felt like shit the past few days.

Not the optimal choice for getting to leave my shift earlier though.

Everything huuurrrttsss.

[newfallstrangeleaves]

Yandere with a unknown identity

Breaking and entering

M!Yandere X F!reader Warning: non-con, fingering F! Receiving. Summary: You had a terrible day and end up going to bed early when a masked man breaks in and decides to make it all better.

Part 2 aaand Another part

You had such a bad day today. Nothing seemed to go your way. All day you kept your emotions in. When you got back home all you did was throw off anything uncomfortable and then crawl into bed to just cry it out. 

While crying your heart out you don't notice the bedroom window slowly creeping open and a dark shadow climbing in. He is just about to walk further into your apartment when a sniffle stops him in his tracks. 

Perhaps it's the feeling of being watched, but something tells you to turn around. When you do you are met with a tall man dressed entirely in black. Not even a speck of skin is showing. His face is covered by a balaclava and the room is dark, only the lights from outside shine in but you can tell he is looking at you. 

In an instant he throws himself on top of you, pinning you down. You try to scream but he covers your mouth, muffling any sounds you make. Your panic is met with soft hushes which by no means calms you. He is way stronger than you. He holds both your hands down with one hand while he covers your mouth with the other. He has one leg on either side of you, straddling you, forcing you lower body in place while not putting all of his weight on you. 

You struggle against his grip but to no avail. Tears stream down your face. The mix between panic, crying and a hand covering your mouth makes you gasp for air. 

"Shhh, shhh. It's fine, I promise I'm not going to hurt you. Just breathe, breathe okay?" He hushes you softly. Because of the lack of air you force yourself to calm down. Taking slow breaths through your nose. 

"I'm going to move my hand okay? Don't scream." He says firmly and when you do he chuckles, pleased by your obedience. 

"Good girl." He whispers as he starts to wipe away your tears.

All the while you look up into his only exposed feature. His eyes. Even with only the moonlight shining in through your window his blue eyes are piercing through you. 

"Don't hurt me.” Your voice is barely a whisper. 

“I'm not going to, I told you that before." He stops for a moment before he speaks again. "Why were you crying before?” 

He wipes away a few more tears that escape you as you avoid his gaze. 

"It's okay, you can tell me." When you don't answer he continues. 

"Did something happen today? I could tell you were upset when I got here." 

When you still don't answer he moves off your body and with one arm pulls you after him making you sit up beside him. His sudden motion and the fact you don't know what he possibly could want from you makes you panic again. 

"I don't have much money. I… you can have my jewelry." 

"I don't want any of that, I want to know why you're crying." He cuts you off. You take a moment to calm down before you answer him. 

"I just had a bad day, that's all." It feels like your heart is beating out of your chest. But then he nods, straightening his back.

"That's alright, it's over now. If that's any help." Then he squints his eyes and you can only guess that he is smiling under his mask. Then he looks down, catching your shirt riding up exposing skin. He takes a deep breath before he continues with a low voice. 

"Maybe I can make it a little better." Without really being able to do anything he moves you to sit in his lap with your back pressed against his chest. You let out a small gasp and squirm in his grip as you feel something hard pressing up against your ass. He grabs one of your legs to hold you in place and to spread your legs. You try to pry his hand off you but his grip on you is too firm.

He places a leather gloved hand on your clothed cunt, groping and rubbing. The friction makes your breath hitch. He moves his finger up and down your underwear and much to your dismay a sting of pleasure hits you everytime he brushes over your clit. He rests his head on your shoulder whispering in your ear. 

"You're so beautiful, I'll make all your problems go away, I promise." 

He pushes your panties to the side and slides a finger inside you while he circulates your clit with his thumb. He curves his finger looking for that perfect spot.

"Please stop…" 

"Shhhh… you will feel so good soon." 

He adds another digit inside you, that together with the gloves extra thickness he stretches you out. A whine escapes you, which prones him to work faster. You can feel yourself getting closer with each move he makes. Your breathing grows heavier and so does the knot in the lower half of your stomach. His fingers hit a certain spot inside you and you jolt as if electrocuted. A moan leaves your lips as he continues to abuse that spot.  

You grip his arm, scratching him through his shirt as your orgasm riples through you. Throwing your head back on his shoulder as you bite your lip to try and suppress any sounds, but a muffled moan slips you anyways. He works you through your high and stops when you relax leaning back on him. 

"Didn't that feel good huh?" He nudges your cheek with his nose. 

"How about we go for another one?" You shake your head but he doesn't care. His hands start up again. 

His hand lets go of your leg and worms his way under your shirt. With no bra on he goes right to squeezing your boobs and playing with your nipples.

"Oh, you're so wet. I wish I could be inside you. Feel your pussy clench around my dick instead of my fingers." 

Another orgasm ripple through you. But this time he doesn't stop. 

"You're doing so good. Just a few more for me." 

The room is filled by the wet sounds from your pussy and the moans that you have stopped caring about. All your mind can focus on is his fingers. 

You couldn't keep count over how many orgasms he made you go through until he decided you finally had enough. 

You feel exhausted. Leaning back panting on his broad frame. Sore from the over stimulation. 

"How are you feeling?" He holds you so impossibly close to him, one of his arms wrapped around your waist. He is gently rubbing your cheek with his index finger. The leather feels cold against your skin. 

You look up at him through hooded eyes and for a moment you two just look at each other. Then you move your hand to pull off his hood but he grabs your wrist. 

"Not today, hun. Another time I will show you." He gently lifts you up and moves you off his lap. 

"I'll be back in a sec okay? Don't move." He tells you as he stands up. Before he leaves the room he grabs your phone. You can hear him walking around in the kitchen. 

When he gets back he hands you a glass of juice and a towel. You cover your lower half with the towel as you watch him pick out new clothes for you. You can't not notice the giant wet stain that is left on his pants. He hands you the clothes and goes to get his bag by the window and set it back down on your bed.

"Do you want me to help you shower?”

“No, I want you to leave.” You say firmly. He takes a deep breath before nodding. 

“Okay, I'll leave. Just before I go." He opens up his bag and reaches down. Fear overwhelms you like a cold shower. He must have noticed you tensing up because he says. 

“It's okay, I'm just going to give you money. Take the day off tomorrow and the day after that too. This will be plenty to not disrupt your economy. And hey, treat yourself, eat out or buy something nice. I know how hard working you are, you deserve it." He hands you the money and then heads for the front door.

But before he leaves he turns back to you once more. “And remember to lock, will you? Been too many times where I have got here and you've forgotten to lock for the night. The window too. You can never be too careful.” And with a wave he is gone, left is just a stack of money in your lap.

[ssentimentals]

Hi!! thank you for taking requests! Can I please request Wonwoo - Hurt Prompt 30#

Thank you! 🩵

hello dear! thank you so much for requesting! 💜 hopefully you will like it!

hurt prompt: 'you could've died!'. 'i didn't.' 'well you were pretty fucking close!'

to wonwoo it felt like an euphoria. you can tell just from the way he runs back to you, grinning from ear to ear, completely oblivious to inner turmoil that's happening inside of you. his eyes are sparkling and his excitement spills out in form of loud ramblings and grand gestures. you try to keep up, to fake a smile and calm your racing heart, but it's hard to give back the same energy to your boyfriend, when you had a full blown panic attack.

'hey, babe, what's wrong?' he asks, finally clocking your unusual quietness. 'did something happen?'

you can not say a thing - that is an option. that is the option that will guarantee you both a good night with no fights. but letting this rot inside of you is a bad idea, so you go for the truth: 'i can't believe you went over there, when everyone knows how dangerous that is.'

wonwoo catches anger notes in your voice easily and frowns, confused by the reaction. 'yes? well, motorsport is dangerous, yes. nothing happened though.'

but it could have you want to scream at his face, but for now your patience did not snap. you try to stay calm, while explaining how watching him do all of this made you feel like you're drowning. that it made you anxious, stressed and set off all alarms in your brains to a panic mode. how when he fell you stopped breathing, your heart froze and didn't beat until he stood up and waved that everything is fine. wonwoo listens attentively like he always does, but it's clear that your words don't ring any bells, when he pinpoints all the special things he wore for safety.

'it's not like i was doing it professionally,' wonwoo finishes, getting irritated with the fact that something that brough him so much joy is not being put down. 'so it's all good.'

'you could've died!' you finally give in to the urge to shout.

'i didn't.' wonwoo cuts off, looking around. he always hated messy fights in front of the audience and he hoped you were not about to start one. 'i just fell. i didn't die.'

'well you were pretty fucking close!' you hiss, hitting his chest with all the strength you have.

wonwoo catches your hand, glaring at you as he quietly asks you to calm down. his tone implies on a highest level of annoyance from his side and tears cloud your vision, because he doesn't understand and to him you're just throwing a tantrum about nothing.

'you mean so much me, how do you think i felt when you fell?' you whisper in a shaky voice.

that seems to get through his brain and wonwoo's eyes widen. his grip on your hand instantly slackens and he pulls you in a hug, noticing your tears. 'oh,' he mutters, hugging you close. 'i'm- i'm sorry baby, don't cry.'

he didn't get it, you know. he's acting like this right now only because sight of your tears always affects him strongly; he still thinks you're overreacting in the end. hugging him back, you think that maybe for now this is enough. maybe later you will be able to explain him how mortifying it is when you watch someone you love do something dangerous. that would be later though. for now, you snuggle into his arms and sigh, being happy with understanding that he is here and he is safe and well. that is enough for now.

a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini

[thebottomfromhell]

Hello, I'm not very good at English. Can you do Uppermoons cautch male Y/N got eaten by other demon please.

I like to write fucked up things, let's GOOOO! Again, sorry for how late this came, I hope you like it.

Uppermoons catch Human Male Reader being eaten by other demon

Warnings: Manga spoilers, Cannibalism, Self-harm, Non-character demon death (both explicit and implied), Escesive violence, Emeto (not as a kink, never as that), Reader's death, and Angst.

Gyutaro:

"Ne... what is going on?" Other demons don't hunt in the Red Light District, the other Uppermoons have no business there, while anyone else should be afraid of angering Upper 6. But he looks at you, on the floor, clothes ripped with your flesh, blood spread all over the grown and you, not even breathing, heart giving it's last beats. There are too many injuries, it doesn't matter what Gyutaro does. You will not be able to heal from this.

The demon just sensed Upper Six presence behind him as light leaves your eyes, and tears forming in the bulging and yellow ones. The other demon takes some steps back before starting to run, not making it pass the hallway as Gyutaro not only stabs him from behind, and throws him back in, breaking the spine. Crying, the Uppermoon scratches himself, ripping and clawing a skin that heals seconds after recieving harm, blood staying as dirt within the nails, as he hisses and roars in anger an pain, looking as the definition of monster.

By the time he is done, while still alive, the other demon was all the limbs separated, an open skull in which the brain leaks from, no eyes, tongue out, intestines around the torso, and everything spread across the walls and ground. There is no way that a demon that weak will heal before dunrise, but Gyutaro doesn't care. He just carries your torso and head with watever limb is left attatched, burrying your face in his chest as he walks away in silence with a sense of deja vù, the only difference is the lack of crisp, and the fact that the body smells like a big man, instead of a little girl.

Gyokko:

Gyokko stares at disbelief at first. What the hell? He only left you alone about an hour... HOW DID YOU EVEN GET INTO THIS MESS?! REALLY?! AND THE FACT THAT A NOBODY DIDN'T REALIZE HE WAS THERE! HOW INSULTING! "WHAT THE HELL, Y/N?! HOW CAN YOU BE THIS USELESS!" "Let's him around" Gyokko said, "he won't cause trouble" he said about you. And look now, you are a dead man. You were just suppose to grab some materials for him, not die! What use are you now?

And of course the nobody starts running the second that it realizes it was caught by a better being, of course (Gyokko will not refer to that demon as anything as an it. What respect does that creature deserve in front of Upper 5?) It doesn't even salute or say anything to Gyokko, not even apologizing for the offense. He would follow after and punish the demon, but it's bot worth his time. Instead, he focuses on your body, barely alive. He can at least make something with you. "Gy-... Gyokko..." you do show better manners, but they won't be of use that long. You will not make it.

But... Gyokko is inspired, and there is nothing more to fear than an inspired Gyokko. The agony and the acceptance of your fate in your eyes is giving him some ideas, so he starta to summon more material to make a piece of art. He will keep your body on pristine condition, you can be assured of that. If you would have liked that... he doesn't really care. "Now let's start with my next work, Y/N."

Hantengu:

What... ? What is going on... ? Why are you being eaten... ? In front of him.... "Tch-KYAAAAHHHHHHHH!" He screams, alerting the other demon that they have been caught, standing up as he just swallowed some of you flesh. At first they want to defend their prey before the realization that they are in front of Upper Four strikes. Even if Hantengu is still screching his tongue out of his throat, the other demon recognizes it as a loss battle, so they began to run away. It takes the Uppermoon some seconds to realize your killer is gone, but it's already too late.

He looks at your body, horrorified, scared, even if he himself has done worse. You can still be recognized as someone with the body with a young man, face still able to tell who you are to people to know you, if wiped the blood from your nose and mouth. Still, it doesn't change the fact that is not a nice view to have your stomach open with organs and different fluids leaking out, only having the bones to fully stop the solids from flowing all the way outside. It's a disgusting but a appetizing display.

As he sobs and trembles, part of Hantengu considers eating your body, with the nice smell and flesh set in front of him. Other part is afraid of those thoughts, and the idea you might turn into a spirit and come back for revenge. That hardly ever stops him from eating... maybe just a taste. You always tasted and felt so good, you would not do anything for a little nibble, would you? He takes a bite off your small instestine, slowly, as if fearing you would wake up. The bitter and sour taste is nice against the hungry tongue but... he can't eat anymore. He even throws up besides you at the fact you are dead. And you are not coming back.

Sekido:

He stares at first, disbelief and anger flourishing inside his chest as hia miscles tense up and hia face lifts in a harder frown. "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH?!" You get to hear that, still not dead, but the bloodloss not helping at all at staying alive. It's hard to say if Sekido is talking to you or this other demon, who gets startled after hearing what was basically a roar from the Upper 4. This other demons tries to run, but he is trapped in Sekido's thunder.

"YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" He says, but besides that he doesn't move, even when he looks at you. You can barely see him, vision being a blur, you are tired, can feel your ripped arm the same way there is this sting and cold in that missing part, a phantom pain, besides that, your back was clawed, and while it wasn't as damaging as the other blow... you are bleeding out, and fast. You don't think Sekido would be of help, unless you let him turn you into a demon. "N..... o...." you barely mouth as everything becomes black, and hope he understands.

While Sekido accepts your desition.... he doesn't. Why would you prefer to die than becoming like him, is there something you didn't tell him? Do you actually dislike his demon nature that much? "Fucking die!" His anger rises as he makes a bigger blow, one that basically knocks up the other demon before thrusting his staff into his face, taking his anger out on them. He repeats the process several times, making sure to leave enough holes so the limbs fall apart, that way they won't heal until sunrise. "SO FUCKING INFURIATING!" Had the other demon scaped, this might have been you.

Karaku:

Ah? Did he just saw.... ? Oh shit. "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Whag the hell? He is mine!" Nope, nope, he didn't just see a demon eating you. Nope he- ok, he did. He doesn't want to accept it, but Karaku knows better than to delude himself. He sees your body, arm torn apart, and you are bleeding from your back. The demon was just munching on the limb when the part of Upper 4 appraches, screaming.

At first this demon takes a fighting stance, only to see Karaku's eyes. The Kanji in said eyes is everything to know about him, enough to have this other predator trying to run, but he is grabbed by the clone, who also destroys their arms by twisting and pulling it. There are no screams, just a second of shock that Karaku takes to use his leaf and make the air crush his enemy against the ground. Truthfully? Karaku is annoyed and angry, but... he keeps loyal to his netore the second he looks at your body, unconscious but alive.

He knows you wouldn't want to become a demon, even if he has a hard time accepting it. He is tempted to just transform you using his blood, better than anything else, including your death. It's really tempting... he doesn't know why he isn't moving, doing it, but in the end he just grabs you to have your head rest in his lap. "Hey, handsome... you really are a mess, aren't ya?" He talka to himself, to make these moments more pasable and then return to his normal self, knowing that it will mean leaving your corpse behind. "Guess I am late for the party."

Urogi:

"Y/N?" He asks for your name weakly while looking at the scene, still having not fully procesed what he just saw. It takes a few more seconds of seeing a demon he has never encountered before ripping from your arm in his hands, instead of having it attatched to your body, each bite making streatching sound as the skin and tissue as forcefully separated from others with fangs and claws, making is easier than it would be with humans. The smell and noise, most of the time, would make Urogi's mouth watter with joy and hunger.

Now Urogi is angry, scared, frustrated, and many other negative feelings that stress him out a lot, all of them against his nature of the joy clone. He doesn't even say anything before attacking the other demon, using the talons in his feet to grab them by the arms and then the ones in his hands to pull the head apart in two. There is a scream of surprise, then of pain, as the face is taken off the skull with the sides and hair, then the arms get pulled and torn. Urogi dismembers the demon as if he was breaking apart his own food.

You don't get to see nothing of it, since the bloodloss got to you first. There is blood spread all over the ground but Urogi doesn't care as he rushes to grab you. "Y/N! Y/N! Please answer!" But you can't. If you are alive or just unconcious, he can't tell due the panic under your condition. "Y/N!" He begins to cry and sob, not knowing what do do, unable to let you ho. As for the demon... they won't heal until after sunrise.

Aizetsu:

Aizetsu looks at you tired, sad, deppressed, but that is his normal face, there is a mix of dissapointment amd acceptance in his eyes as he approached with his spear in his hand. He didn't expect you to die this way, while he wasn't looking. He never deluded himself into thinking you would live as much as him, or the same way he does, but was it too much to ask to be careful of other demons? He can recognize by the marks in your back which make you bleed out... you were trying to run.

"How sad." He says when he gets behind the other demon, who just realizes there is someone behind him. But that doesn't matter, Aizetsu uses his weapon to blow the upper part of his head up, blinding the other creature that was just licking your blood from his hands as they ate your arm. Then, with that same spear, he stabs their stomach and corners them into a tree by pushing until the en of the spear meets another end, position locking the demon against Aizetsu and the surface. Not that he cares as he makes another spear to cut the limbs so they can't scape. "The sun will be the one to end your pathetic life, I almost pity you. But you have made me sad already."

Then he goes towards you and kneels in front of your body, looking at it with the same expression than before. He could save you, to turn you into a demon, you are not gone yet, he can tell as he touches your pulse. There is something left... but he doesn't try anything. If it's out of respect that it should be your choice to make or an attempt to follow his nature and make himself more miserable, he can't tell. "Goodbye Y/N." But that doesn't change the results.

Nakime:

When she summoned you, she didn't expect you to have compaly, something grabbing you eagerly, not willing to let go off your flesh. Not something, someone. She would raise an eyebrow if she could, but even with the hair over most of her face, she doesn't look impressed at all. All Nakime does is wait for this other demon, clutching to one of your legs, with their arms and mouth, biting and ripping the flesh of your corpse, if the hole in your chest and slice on your neck are meant to tell her something, to realize where they are.

This is what happens for trusting men, she guess, specially human men. You told her you would be fine, that you could handdle yourself, and as an idiot she decided to believe you, or rather, pretend she did and let you go. She sighs as some seconds pass and all she can hear is someone chewing on your flesh. Nakime ends up clearing her throat before sending a whole room to move towards the surface, a wall from her point of view, and crush both you and the other demon. She would rather nor havibg to care by the corpse.

The she opens a door on the same surface, making your corpse and the demon fall to it. She will release both of you to the sun at the middle of the day. Besides that, she will distract herself. She already lost a husband, this? This is nothing to her, she will just have to play a different cord, switch her place, and move on.

Akaza:

7 seconds to react. 5 seconds, his eyes are open with dispair. 3 seconds he let's out a sob as tears form in his eyes. 2 seconds, he moves towards you and reaches, leving the last second to a blow in this other demons's head. They don't even have a chance to react as another punch reaches the stomach, thrusting through the flesh, reaching the organs, which are grabbed by the Upper Moon 3 and taken off. As twist and a pull rip off the limbs one by one, then he keeps taking organs and throwing bones. Even a Kizuki would have troubles healing that level of damage and carnage.

But Akaza doesn't contemplate his masterpiece instead he falls to his knees, white pants getting dirty with the red body parts smashed around, still twitching alive as the cells try to heal them together, and he sobs again, having hold avery tear and cry besides the one he had before the assoult until now. He takes a look at your corpse, and he starts trembling as he tenses his body out of anger, having to crawl wherw you are. Humans can't survive a missing heart, demons can, but you?

He crys holding your corpse, just like he did with her, "Y/N!" He cries for you, the second lover he had until he lost Koyuki. Now he lost you too, and he can't handdle it. He promised to get stronger to protect you, and again, his loved one die when he is not even around, but somehow he is to blame for it. He failed you, and he hates hinself for it, as a sense of deja vù takes over him, and nothing matter anymore. Not even his own life, as he has a corpse of a dead man with a whole on his chest and a heart half eating besides Akaza. "I'm so sorry...."

Douma:

Dpuma tilts his head, he wasn't expecting to find another demon inside his cult eating his followers. Specially a male like yourself, confusing him a lot, why not go for a woman? Is this demon like Akaza-dono? Well... that is annoying. It's one thing that he let's Akaza-dono get away with not eating women, but a nobody like this demon? Why else would they eat you over every rich in nutrient ans scent women in the cult if they were going to eat someone from it anyway? Besides, Douma didn't invite this demon to his home or offfered food, and yet here they are invading his territory and taking his things. Now that will not do!

"Excuse me." He starts politely, there is no reason to lose his head over this, not when you already lost yours, quite literally. There is a preassure in Douma's chest, but nothing he knows that it won't leave eventually. "It's quite rude to get into somebody's else house and take their food without asking." The demon, who at first paralyzed on their tracks, still with pieces of your flesh in their mouth, turns around and see Upper 2. "I hope you don't mind if I take it all back." He says before grabbing the demon and start to absorb the body of a protesting and squirming demon.

"Well, much better. Though, I still have to deal with you, Y/N... Oh, I know! Silly me! I will finish to eat your corpse." He talks to you as if you were still alive, then begins to eat. For a male, your flesh is ver nice, not as tender and soft as a woman's, but still very appetizing. His fangs rip easily your skin and tissue, chewing them into asoft, wet and warm texture before swallowing every pieve of you, even breaking the bones and licking the blood on the surface. "Thanks for the meal, Y/N!" He says as he finished, satisfied with a satiated stomach.

Kokushibou:

We wasn't expecting to find you like this, with pieces of flash ripped off by claws and fangs, demon hacing fled the second Kokushibou was visible. No, not even then, because Kokushibou was visible for a long time before the demon even noticing, too focused on ripping off your flesh from your body, licking ecen fro the grown that left it's soruces from a missing leg and claw markings all over your body. You even have a hole in your stomach as that demon started to eat some of your insides, trusting themselves with time.

Even after that demon runs away from the Upper Moon One, Kokushibou just stares as your corpse, having being paralyzed the secons he saw the state of your body, that slowly became worse at the mouth and hands of a mere spawn of a demon. No sound leaves his mouth, even if there is the guilt of the fact that you were probably alive when he first saw you, and yet he didn't do anything to save you. Was it due some shock? Something that sunconsciously wantes you to die? Or was he just too blind to do something just like with his mother desease? Well, it doesn't really matter, but there is one thing he can do for you, so he gives your body a final look before leaving it behind and never return.

It takes him less than a few seconds to reach where that demon is, their speed not comparing to him as Kokushibou takes his sword, sword that used to be a nichirin like any other. "Ichi no kata: Yamidkuzi, "Yoi no Miya." It might be a bit of an overkill to actually use a breathing form but... he guesses you deserve that, as he beheads the demon that was eating you. It's a smotth movemente and a fast swing, and as soon as the head touches the ground, rolling away from him, the body begins to desintegrate. The work is done, even if it was more a slayer's job than his. It's over, that was his closure, the first one he got, so he is satisfied with it... for now.

[presleyluvschris]

𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐔𝐓𝐘

angry!rafe x fem!reader

summary: rafe catches you touching yourself in bed

warnings: mdni 18+ reader losing her virginity, oral sex, unprotected sex, male face fucking, just a quickie with rafe.

➢ 𝑵𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑮𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵

It was a saturday night and your boyfriend had to work a few extra shifts at the office. You were all alone with a beer in your hand, staring at the wall, clenching your thighs together so you wouldn't rub your clit.

you wanted to see his dick again so badly but he told you that you were going to have to wait until he could fuck you.

you were sweating, laying on the matress and positioned yourself to look at the celing, your vision blurring from horniness, all you could see was his big dick.

rafe knew he wouldnt be able to control himself around you, and he knew when he started to fuck you he knew he couldn't quit. and it took everything in him each day not to just throw you over a counter and cum inside you, but he wanted to respect your virginity, and your innocence. But he couldn't respect you when you acted like a slut.

you were not allowed to touch yourself, it was something only a naughty girl would do.

you wanted to be a slut for rafe but it felt like he wouldnt let you.

you felt like you couldnt do it anymore, and you considered it physically un-healthy to not try and fuck the edge of your bed.

you knew you were being a bad girl but you couldnt be innocent forever with him.

you begged rafe to take your virginity but he cared about you too much, even though it took everything in him to control himself from being inside you.

while rafe was away at work you felt extremely fuck ready and massaged yourself while sitting up-right in your bed, you didnt care of the consequences.

you breathed hardly as you put the edge of the wooden bed inside you.

you jumped up and down on it vigorously, your tounge out of your mouth, cum dripping on the sides.

it only took a few minutes to get your langerie undies to be wet with your cum, holding your breath from moaning as the bedroom door pushes open against the wall.

he stares at you from the doorway practically furious, his veins from his forehead sticking into your eyes.

you jump as nervousness rushes in your belly, quickly shifting your position away from your clit.

he storms over and grabs your fragile arm with his strong grip.

"y/n." he grasps you harder, "what were you doing."

you whimper in pain, "nothing!"

"y/n." he stares into you, "undo your clothes. right now."

you squeal a little and nod vigorously, undoing your clothes, practically shaking.

he bends you over and slaps you on your ass hard, making you cry for help.

he picks you up by one single arm and throws you on the wall.

you make a wincing sound of pain but rafe is too infuriated to care about it.

you try to breathe and then you see his dick reaching up in his shorts. you lean down and tug at his boxers, looking up at him with puppy eyes. "rafey, can i see?" you whine, "please."

he gives you a devious look, "you sure, princess?"

"yes, rafey i want to."

he drops his shorts to the floor, revealing his huge dick as he advances towards you, puting his finger inside your clit, rubbing up and down hard, making you moan loudly.

"thats it, babygirl." he goes harder.

you scream in pain as you bounce back and forth against the wall, gasping for any sort of air.

"shut the fuck up, y/n, god damn it."

"rafe!" you yelp as cum goes all over your shirt,

he drops you to the floor as you get on your knees to lower your mouth to his dick, putting your mouth over.

"more. right now."

you hum a little and nod your head as you go futher, tears streaming down your face. half from fear and half from your gag reflex.

his dick touches the back of your throat as he thrusts, obeying every one of his laws.

"oh, baby you feel so good." he groans loudly, "fuck."

you wanted to make rafe feel good as a hope for forgiveness so he could fuck you properly later as a reward.

spit slid down your neck, tears dropping to the floor. you could barely breathe, his dick blocking your airways as you tried to inhale from your nose.

"shit, baby, im gonna cum," he warns as you nod your head, the warm cum filling your mouth and everything he had to give you.

"oh, love, yes."

you gagged hard as more cum went inside, you tasted in the back of your mouth, making you sweat down your back.

you swallowed all of it, wiping off the edges of your mouth, your eyes swollen from tears.

"good girl," he rewards as you lower your throat off his dick.

you felt another rush in your stomach, you had been good.

"god, baby, you're such a slut."

you furrow your eyebrows, "this is my first time."

"i will train you to be better for me, love."

you grin and prance his way, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

you try to catch your breath, "can we go all the way tonight?" you ask.

he nods, looking down at you, "i dont think i could help myself from destroying you, anyway, princess."

you whimper again and give him a more pouty lip.

"you've done it, now."

you knew you deserved to be fucked so hard, you knew it would hurt badly, but you wanted him to.

reblogs appreciated ➢ tags @chachachannah 𝖏𝖔𝖎𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

[linos-luna]

If I could, can I request hard dom Hyunjin with a pain kink?👉👈

Sounds good 💕

————————————————————————

Teaching You a Lesson ❣️

Hard!Dom!Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

Warnings: pain kink, spanking, unprotected sex, making out, rough sex, hair pulling, degradation, light sir kink. Hard dom Hyunjin!

—————————— 🔥 ———————————

Hyunjin was easily jealous. That’s how you found yourself here: pinned to the wall by your wrists. Your crime? Well you were talking with one of his friends on the phone. Nothing crazy. Felix called you asking for some advice. Naturally you obliged. But Hyunjin let jealousy get the better of him…

“You really think you can flirt with my friend like that?” He said, getting really close and grabbing you by the throat. “Just being a little slut and throwing yourself at Felix!”

“We were just talking on the phone!”

“Bullshit!” He shouted, lightly squeezing.

You couldn’t help feeling a little turned on by the feeling and simply smiled. “Yeah? And what if I was flirting? What would you do about it, hm?”

“What would I do?!” Hyunjin laughed while letting go. “You dumb slut… you do this shit on purpose.”

He then grabbed you by the hair and pulled you to the bedroom, tossing to to the bed. Before you could do anything he yanked off your pants and underwear before bending you over the bed.

“H-Hyunjin?”

Your boyfriend didn’t even answer you as he undid his belt and wrapped it around his hand.

“Hyunjin, what are you—.”

You were interrupted by a painful hit to the ass. The leather from the belt making it sting. You buried your face in the covers to mask your scream, only for Hyunjin to pull you up by the hair.

“I’m teaching you a lesson and I wanna hear you scream, you dumb slut.”

You nodded and he pulled your hair some more, dramatically clearing his throat

“Yes, sir!” You cried out as he let you go.

Again he hit your stinging bottom with the belt. Again and again. Until both your ass and thighs were red.

Your face was stained with tears as he turned you on your back. Even your bottom and thighs touching the soft fabric was painful.

“Learned your lesson, baby?” Hyunjin said with a tilt of the head, rubbing his hands over the top of toys thighs.

“Y-yes sir…” you whimpered.

“Hmm… I don’t think so.” He smirked as he suddenly pushed your knees up, tightly gripping onto your stinging red thighs.

Agh! Hyunjin!” You screamed, trying to grab at his hands. He swatted them away and smiled

“Aw, what’s wrong, baby?” He teased while pressing tighter, can’t handle a little pain?”

You shook your head a lot and he stopped for a moment, waiting to see if you’d say the safe word. But you didn’t, in a sick way you were enjoying this.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to walk tomorrow…” Hyunjin smirked while taking off his pants and boxers, rubbing his cock to your bare cunt. “I want all the neighbors to hear your screams…”

“H-Hyunjin~” you moaned at the feeling, eyes rolling back and back arching. You nearly screamed when he thrusted into you and bent your legs some more.

“Louder baby, I need to hear it.” He said while bending your legs more. That on top of the sting pain from earlier had you crying.

“J-Hyunjin! J-ji!” You were moaning and screaming with pain and arousal as he rammed into you.

“Who’s bitch are you?!”

“Y-yours!”

“What?!” He asked while bending your legs some more, making you cry out.

“Your bitch! I’m your bitch!” You cried out as he reached down to rub your sensitive clit.

You soon came with an intense orgasm and Hyunjin pulled out to do the same.

Without warning, he started sloppily making out with you. You moaned as he bit your lip several times and forced his tongue in. He also reached under your shirt and pinched your nipple with one hand.

You whined and whimpered as he did so, more tears forming.

“Dumb bitch…” he grunted while pinching your nipple again. “You’re mine, don’t you know that?”

“J-jin…” you panted as you tasted blood from him biting your lip. You could barely breathe actually.

He let go for a moment and sighed with relief before he suddenly entered you again. You were incredibly overstimulated and whined loudly.

“W-wha—?! W-wha—??” You cried out.

“You didn’t think I was done, now did you?” Hyunjin chuckled. “I told you what I was was going to do to you…”

As he thrusted, he would pinch your sensitive thighs, intensifying the feeling.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!” You screamed.

“I’m a man of my word!” He grunted while thrusting faster. “This whole neighborhood is gonna hear you…”

[echantedtoon]

Father To Be P2

In a since, some of the upper moons reaction to holding their child(ren) for the first time. Plus how they react to their birth.

Warnings for pregnancy/birth mentions

All art found on Pinterest and not mine. Doing the rest of the male Moons. Couldn't find any relevant pictures for Yahaba or Hairou.

KAIGAKU:

*He's already not prepared to be a parent let alone go through the entire hardships of labor. So when you go into labor he either faints or he's freaking out yelling at everyone. You, the doctor and midwife, himself, and even the baby(ies) despite them not even being present yet.

*He's not really moving out of the room. Whether it's because he's genuinely worried about you or because he's frozen in fear is unclear, but he's completely frozen as you destroy his hand and arm.

*Once he hears the baby(ies) crying he's still frozen solid. Not numb or yelling. Just..still. Staring off into space as his brain is blue screening. He's still that way as the doctors are taking care of you and even when they congratulate him before placing his child(ren) in his arms.

*He still sits there for a few hours just staring off at nothing holding them to where it starts to concern you. "Hun, are you ok?" ".....Yeah. why?" Give him a few more hours. He's still trying to process the entire situation he's in and trying to figure out a good excuse to tell Muzan for why he's bringing a diaper bag to the next few meetings.

GYOKKO:

*(for the Gyokko fans) He's probably not going to be too present for the birth tbh. His appearance alone would scare away any doctors and he wants you to have a safe experience. So it'd be safer to just stay in his nearby pot and agonizingly wait a few hours as the doctors worked and then left.

*trust me it's not a delightful experience for him to do nothing but wait for hours on end as you screamed bloody murder. But it was worth it when you both were finally able to be alone and he has a moment to look over his child(ren).

*They look surprisingly normal except for a few specks on their arms and legs that might be scales and purple hair. Surprisingly they aren't afraid of him despite his appearance.

*He suggests making them a pot large enough to use as a cradle for them but you shut that right down.

ENMU:

*Is very unnaturally calm during the entire process. He'd probably suggest to you that maybe he'd be the one to help you during labor but as he wasn't a real doctor he'd later change his mind. Much like Kokushibo, he'd rather have this be as safe as possible so he'd just silently offer encouragement to you as you murdered his hand allowing the doctors to work, real doctors too.

*He's just calmly smiling throughout the entire process even when you curse him out for putting you in this situation.

*When the deed's finally done and everything is calm, he's not waiting for the doctor to hand him his baby(ies). No he's holding his arms straight out EXPECTING them to hand them over. An excited smile on his face as he chirps away with happiness.

*Speaking of chirping good luck on getting any rest that night. He's going to be non stop talking all night to and about his baby(ies) to the point you are going to have to either throw a pillow at him or tell him to shut up and let all of you rest.

*He's taking care of you and your baby(ies) really well during this time aside from the talking however so you can't complain too much.

KYOGAI:

*He's panicking of course when you first go into labor. But he's a collected freaking out. By that I mean, he's freaking out while taking his time to carefully move you to a comfortable position or quickly getting what you need with shaking hands and his teleporting skills.

*He's still freaking out however despite how much he seems calm on the outside- "It's alright. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out-" "Kyo. I'm fine." "I know. I was talking to myself."

*Steadying himself on his knees, he's holding both your hands shaking and trying to mentally calm himself down as your practically screaming in his ears.

*Almost falls over himself once he hears his baby(ies) cry out for the first time. He's watching in complete awe as the midwife handles the tiny crying being before he's handed a whimpering little bundle(s). He's shaking so badly as he slowly accepts the tiny being(s) in his arms, trying not to shake as badly as he is.

*He's so scared as he looks at his child(ren)...and then he melts seeing their chubby chunk cheeks and chunky little body(ies). Holy cow. We're they supposed to be so small and squishy? He's in love at first sight and just holds the squishy little bundle(s) in his arms gently. May or may not have cried.

HAIROU:

*He. FREAKS. Out.

*The moment he knows that he's about to become a father he's overwhelmed by a symphony of fear, panic, anxiety, worry, and frustration(not at you but because he's not prepared for the situation). Excuse him for just a few seconds. He has to run into the woods to clear his head before he can steal himself to come back and help you with a clearer mind.

*Nevermind that he's still shaking like a wet cat in winter as he runs around and tries to help you. Key word tries. His anxiety gets too much that he has to leave the room at your insistence and wait outside before he decides to 'clear his mind' in front of the doctor and freak him out too.

*Had to step outside to have some breathing room before he becomes overwhelmed again to that point. Doesn't go back inside until all the screaming has stopped and things are calm for everyone's sanity. Eventually he'll walk back in to you holding the baby(ies) and offering to let him hold them.

*He refuses at first but eventually you convince him to hold them carefully putting them in his arms. He freezes up seeing them... before tears build up in his eyes and he cries from the rush of emotions. Give him twenty minutes. He's just a bit overwhelmed by pride and joy.

YAHABA:

*He refuses to hold them when they're born. He's gonna stay while his child(ren) is delivered to make sure you're but he's not holding the baby(ies).

*You won't be seeing him. Like at all. Bro disappears and stays ten feet away at all times whenever he bothers to stop by to just check up on you both.

*Man's a germophobe and while he'll reluctantly watch the baby(ies) and make sure nothing harms them, he won't bother coming close or making physical contact beyond making them take a bath or until they're a teenager(s) because he doesn't like the messes that comes with little kids and babies.

[eddieschains]

Maximum Security Vol. 1

a/n: this is a repost in case it’s familiar to anyone. just wanted to fix some things up. credit to @eddiemunsons-missingnipple for the eddie edit 🫶🏽

Word Count: 1.3k

TW// mentions of murder and drugs

You had one prerequisite when Eddie asked you to marry him. Quit selling. You couldn’t and wouldn’t be known as the town’s drug dealer's wife. He promised, and you believed him. You had to. He was your Eddie and he would do anything for you. He’d kill for you if he had to.

He gave his stash back to Rick the day after proposing, and cut all ties to his old clients. You finally felt like you were on the path to a normal, domestic life.

Everything was perfect for the next couple of years. You and Eddie got married in a small ceremony with your friends and family, and had welcomed a beautiful daughter. It was a dream, it was all you had hoped for ever since the day he kissed you in the woods when you were 16.

Then came the problems. Without Eddie’s side business and having a newborn baby, you were having a hard time making ends meet. Luckily, your friends were willing to watch the baby for free while you went to find small jobs throughout the week to bring in some extra cash. But, it still wasn't enough. You didn’t want to leave your friends with the burden of watching your child constantly, so you never got a full time job. Eddie worked as much as possible, but it was hard to find well paying jobs without a college degree.

Eddie said he was going to find a side job, which rightfully worried you. He assured you it was nothing illegal, and he was just going to be helping with sound and production for shows at The Hideout a few times a week.

The extra money was definitely nice. The only downside being that you now saw him less than you used to. He worked at the mechanic in the mornings, came home for dinner, and immediately left for The Hideout until around two in the morning. It honestly was starting to feel like you were a single mother, but you couldn’t tell him to stop. You still needed to survive and take care of your child, and Eddie did everything in his power to do exactly that.

It was another late night for you. Eddie had already left for a show tonight, as you were stuck dealing with a crying baby for about four hours. It was nearing one in the morning when you were finally able to get little Leila to sleep, allowing you to rest and close your eyes for the first time that night.

You weren't sure how long you had been asleep, but you knew it couldn’t have been longer than an hour before Leila was screeching again. You tried to ignore it, and let her cry herself back to sleep until you heard the rush of footsteps coming down the hallway.

“Eddie?” You question into the darkness.

“Hey, baby. Go back to sleep.” He whispers, keeping his face hidden from you as he rummages through drawers of clothes. You figure he must’ve gotten beer spilt on him again, and wanted to change before stinking up the bed. That was until you heard the hoard of sirens racing down the road as Eddie mumbles shit shit shit, throwing his clothes off as he races to the bathroom.

You stumble out of the bed, eyes still heavy with sleep as you look out the window to see multiple police cars parked in front of your driveway.

“Eddie.” You raise your voice louder. You make your way to the bathroom, banging on the door. “Eddie! What the fuck is going on?” You shout from the other side of the door.

You can hear Eddie breathing heavily, panting before responding. “Nothing! Just- just go back to sleep babe.”

Before you have the chance to question him further, your ears are met with loud banging on your front door.

“HAWKINS PD OPEN THE DOOR!” Your heart sinks to your feet. You knew you should’ve questioned Eddie further about his ‘side job’ before allowing him to continue.

“Edward Munson, I swear to fucking god!” You scream, punching the bathroom door before running to the front of the house.

As soon as you open the door, a group of cops rush inside. Looking around, and quite frankly trashing your home. You hold pressure on your knuckles as they begin to throb from the hard punch you gave the bathroom door earlier. You stand off to the side in silence, allowing the police to do whatever they’re here to do.

“Does an Edward Munson live here, ma’am?” You point them towards the bathroom he’s hiding in, and three of them rush over. You didn’t see a point in lying to them when he knew you wouldn’t allow him to get away with this anymore.

“What did he do this time? Caught selling drugs? Rip someone off? Accidentally sell to a minor?” You ask every possible question that could come to mind, but nothing could’ve prepared you for what actually came out of the officers mouth.

“Ma’am, your husband is the lead suspect in an attempted murder at The Hideout tonight.” The officer responds a bit too calmly for your liking. You clutch your chest in your hand as everything seems to go white.

You fall back into the chair by the door as the world around you seems to stop. Murder? No way. Not your Eddie. Not the man you fell in love with at 16. Not the man who told you he was going to marry you within six months of dating. Not the man who sings to you when you can’t fall asleep at night. Not the man who wakes you up with soft kisses to your cheeks. Not the man who bakes brownies for your family and friends on Sundays. Not the man who stops to help the stranger who’s car is broken down on the side of the road. Not the man who you have a child with. Not the man who flies your baby around the house like an airplane. Not the man who gives silly nicknames to everyone in his life. Not your Eddie.

Your brain goes radio silent when time seems to catch up with you again. Looking up to see him being walked to the door with his hands behind his back, the officers holding each side of his arms.

“Baby… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t do it. You have to believe me. I love you!” He rambles as you look at him with ice in your eyes. You couldn’t believe he would do this. Put himself in a situation that puts his entire life, your entire life, at risk.

You walk out to the porch as you watch them drag him into the backseat of the cop car. Watching as they drive away, you’re still stood frozen in time. You almost forgot the other officer was still in your house until he speaks up once again.

“He’s going to be placed in custody down at the station overnight until we’re able to do our interrogation. You’re more than welcome to come down and speak with the booking officer on where to go from here.” You nod. “I’m sorry.” He offers a sympathetic face, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Is Chief Hopper there?” You ask, still looking at a now empty driveway.

“He’ll be there tomorrow morning.” The officer responds.

“Can I wait to go until then? I have a baby, and I haven’t slept and-”

The officer grips your shoulder tighter, now interrupting your rambling. “Ma’am. You can come by whenever you feel like it, or not at all. It’s your choice.”

“Okay.” You sigh, feeling the tears start to creep up.

“You should get some sleep.” He cracks a soft smile, as you do the same. You shut the door behind him as he leaves, before falling to the ground and letting your cries take full force over your body.

“Not my Eddie.”

[laurasblogs-stuff]

TOLERATE IT

(Peeta’s version)

In loving memory of this song being removed from The Eras Tour set list, I'm publishing this little thing I just finished to write. It is technically set after the 74th Hunger Games and during the victory tour, and from Peeta's point of view. Let me know what you think about it, be kind because it's the first time that i write something not in my first language :)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

I sit and watch you reading with your head low

We’re in the living room.

I don’t even know why I came here, I just wanted to bring your family bread, but I should have said no when Prim asked me to stay for dinner.

It isn’t right to have dinner with your family and forcing you to see me when you don’t have to.

Well, I guess it won’t be a problem, you barely lifted your head when I walked in.

You looked at me behind the book you’re pretending to read for half a second, you couldn’t manage to hold the eye contact even while mumbling ‘hi’.

Now I’m sitting on the opposite side of the couch; you’re just staring at the book in your hands and it’s so obvious that you would want to be anywhere but here right now.

I feel like throwing up.

I should have said no.

I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed

I take in a breath so violently that it seems like I was drowning.

I was, in my dream at least. I was underwater, I couldn’t breathe or speak, but the water was so clear that I could see you being mauled by mutts near the lake in the arena. I was trying to scream so hard, to distract them from you, but nothing came out.

I try to not let the tears that are flooding my eyes fall, attempt to adjust my respiration but managing to take just some shaky pathetic breaths.

I feel a weight on my chest: looking down I realize that is your head.

You’re sleeping so peacefully, and I realize you didn’t wake up this night yet.

The thought that I can help you do that makes me want to cry.

Instead, I try to focus on your steady breaths, on your hand that is slowly and involuntarily caressing my rib and on the little smile that is forming on your face.

I sit and watch you

And notice everything you do or don't do

You're so much older and wiser and I

We’re in district three. The last stop at the Capitol is getting closer and tonight you’ve barely eaten anything. I’m watching you dissecting your duck, without even faking to stab it with the fork. Considering that you would never waste food, it is very concerning.

I tentatively tap your knee, thinking I can comfort you, but you shove my hand away.

A fat man with green hair engages me in a conversation and I try to contain my tears while he’s going on about how cute we are together.

Half an hour later, I’m standing in a corner with some red wine in my right hand when I feel a tentative touch on my left wrist.

“Can we sneak out?”

I should say no, I should be mad at you for shutting me out earlier.

I’m resolute to do so, but then I look into your eyes and see pure desperation.

I’m taking too much time to answer, you’ve noticed I’m struggling, and I can see that your bottom lip is starting to tremble, even if slightly.

You’re slowly retracting your hand from my wrist and I really should say no, because I know what sneaking out means with you.

Instead, I grab your hand and lead you away from the crowd.

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

I feel so stupid waiting here. You always make me wait, don’t you?

Maybe it’s because you know that you will always find me right here.

I know that tonight wasn’t easy for you, we’re just one day away from the Capitol and I shouldn’t blame you for how you’re treating me.

I take a glance at my watch and notice it’s almost midnight.

I feel like that time I was five, maybe four, waiting outside my mother’s room to give her a drawing. I hoped that would make her forgive me for not being able to carry the pans. I remember standing there for hours, with the piece of paper in my right hand and a burning cheek; she never opened the door.

Just as I’m starting to feel my eyes burning, probably because of the lack of sleep, I can hear your footsteps approaching the door.

Use my best colors for your portrait

I know you hate them.

I saw that in your eyes when I showed you my paintings.

I know it was mostly because they reminded you of the arena and your nightmares, but I can say almost for sure that you were not happy about the fact that you were in almost all of them.

I’m perfectly aware that you would hate what I’m working on right now, and I promised myself to never let you see it.

But I can’t help searching for the best colors to use for your hair, trying to imagine what they would look like outside, in the sun.

What colors your eyes would have if you smiled at me as if you really meant it.

Lay the table with the fancy shit

And watch you tolerate it

I’m really trying to make this dinner pleasant for you, I really am.

I know that you hate all of this: this enormous table, the stupid pink cloth on top of it, the unnecessary gold cutlery.

You’re clenching your fist around the knife while some lady with blue hair is explaining to me how they make jewelry here, and I’m listening along just so she won’t bother you.

She’s quite old, and she’s insistent while making me feel her necklace that is sitting just a little too low on her exposed cleavage.

I’m assuming that you’re not even aware of what’s happening when you let the gleaming knife drop on the plate.

The blue haired woman immediately drops my hand while directing her stunned look towards the source of disturbance, but you’re already standing up and dragging me with you on the dancefloor.

While we’re swinging on some soft notes, I brush your hair to the side and put my mouth close to your ear.

“What was that earlier? If you wanted to dance, you could just go.”

My tone is playful, but your expression isn’t when you look up at me. It’s clear that you’re hesitant about what to say, and your cheeks start to veer toward a light red while your brain is searching for the right words to use.

I begin to think that it decided to use no words at all, when I feel your hand slightly brushing my hair before answering me.

“I wanted you just for me.”

I feel the words tickle my neck, and they seem to give me a little more air to breath.

You look up at me just for a millisecond before diverting your eyes again.

“At least for a little while.”

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Flowing like a river (part 1)

Shanks x reader. Violence, blood - a lot of blood.

Sequel to Being a native of Foosha Village and falling for Shanks would involve..., even though it can be read as a standalone.

This fic is dedicated to @machinema7k, who first requested a sequel! This is part one of two.

Samuel Axe was a real-life pirate (actually a privateer) active in the 17th century. Chi is the japanese word for blood.

*****

Axe was starting to lose hope, as well as his temper; that state of affairs made him extremely dangerous, even more than normal, anyone who knew him could attest it. Unfortunately, the woman in front of him had never met him before, which meant she could not fully grasp how dangerous the situation she was in was. No matter; she'll understand it now, Axe thought; he raised his hand, and slapped her with the back of it, hard enough he got hurt, and to make the chair the woman was tied to fall on one side.

She screamed - or at least she tried to, even though what left her lips was actually a pained moan; she was probably hoarse, Axe thought with satisfaction, since screaming was all she had done for hours when, after refusing twice to answer his questions, she had been tied standing in the middle of the room, a position that gave Axe and his men the opportunity to whip her front and back. The woman's cries of pain had filled the room, reaching every corner of the ship that had by then left the island long behind it, taking advantage of a favourable wind. Still, when Axe had decided that had been enough to make his victim understand he wasn't playing nor the sort of man who would let a woman's tears deter him, and had asked her again what he wanted to know, her answer had been the least satisfactory possible.

I don't know. That was what she had said, crying in pain, and had kept repeating those same two words, fiercely at first and then more and more faintly while her strength failed her, and the pirates kept abusing her.

It had been hours by now, but Axe was not about to give up, nor did he believe her words; after all she was a woman, and therefore prone to lie and deceive. She probably wanted to keep her lover's secret, and believed that if she was able to persuade her captors she could be of no use to them, they would let her go. Nothing could be farther from the truth, and Axe decided it was time for Red-Haired Shanks' wench to tell him what she knew.

The room she had been brought to was under the ship's main deck, empty but for the chair the woman had been tied to and a wooden bench on which the whips and other torture instruments had been arranged.

"Pull her up." Axe ordered without raising his voice, and the two other men present in the room (his most faithful crewmembers, the same who together with two other had been entrusted with the woman's kidnapping) set the chair upright, bringing the prisoner face to face with her captor once more.

She wasn't even attractive, Axe thought. A famous and powerful man like Shanks had to have women throwing themselves at him on every island he docked at, but according to the intelligence he had gathered the red-haired pirate had been alone for years, and then he had entered in a monogamous relationship with his crew's new doctor; apparently the two of them were literally inseparable. Axe really couldn't see what Shanks saw in the woman before him, even before they beat her so severely not even her mother would recognize her, but if her captain was so fond of her, and in the unlikely case she was being sincere in saying she ignored what he wanted to know, her captain would be willing to ransom her.

The woman was gasping for breath. Blood stained her face and body, the wounds on her back and chest visible through her torn shirt; Axe waited for her to look up at him, then he walked leisurely to the bench, selected a tool among the ones waiting to be used and returned to her, passing it from one hand to the other.

"I can't tear your tongue out, since I need you to talk." he considered "But the thumbscrew has given me great satisfaction in situations like this. Believe me when I say I feel no pleasure in hurting a woman; but if you want to be still of interest to your captain when you return to him, you better start talking."

He bent to look at her in the eyes; pain and fear exhaled from her body, but the woman still stubbornly refused to talk. She was not a decent fighter, according to the men who had taken her away, but Axe had to admit it: she had spirit, enough not to give in, enough to stare back without flinching at the man who could easily kill her.

"I'll ask you once more." he announced; there was no need, since he had repeated his question so many times even the walls of the room had to have heard it, but for good misure, he slowly enunciated: "Where... is... the Devil Fruit?"

Axe was the captain of a powerful crew, but unlike many other pirates, he knew when an enemy was out of his league; Red-Haired Shanks was that sort of man, so much that facing him and his men in open battle would have been akin to suicide. Still, Axe knew it was often useful to keep tabs on his rivals, especially the most powerful ones, in the hope he would learn something of their affairs he could use to his advantage.

This is why, learning that the Red Force had been sighted moored in a nearby island, Axe had decided he wanted to know what the red-haired pirate was up to, perhaps searching for a fabulous treasure he could steal the map for. He had reached an abandoned pier miles away from the village Shanks' crew was staying at, and sent his most trusted men to investigate. Axe's pirates had reached the village, mingling with the locals so as not to draw attention to themselves; they had been lucky, and visiting the bar Shanks' men were spending the evening at and listening discreetly at their conversations, they had found two things.

First: the captain and a few of his men would leave on the following morning for most of the day, to meet with a former pirate he wanted to invite to join their crew, and who lived in the hinterland.

Second: the crew had recently come in possession of a very special item: a Devil Fruit they planned on selling for a fabulous price.

The man Axe had placed in charge of the little expedition, Nejima, had also noticed the only female crewmember, the crew's doctor who had spent the entire evening perched on Shanks' lap, kissing him as if they had soon to part for a year instead than for a day. Nejima had decided she would be the one to bring the fruit to them; on the following day, he had waited for Shanks to depart and for the woman to be alone as she walked to the village's market, and had run to her, begging her to come assist his brother who had suffered a terrible accident.

The plan had worked flawlessly: by the time the woman had realized she had been lured out of the village, without the time to ask any of her friends to accompany her or at least to tell them where she was going, it was too late. She had unsheated the dagger she carried on her hip, but Nejima and the others had overpowered her and brought her to the ship, and to the captain.

"It is useless to try and resist." Axe pointed out patiently "We have already left the island behind us, and your friends have no way to know where you are and what has happened to you. Tell me what I want to know..."

"... and then you'll let me go? Is this what you are proposing?" the woman interrupted him; her voice could barely rise above a whisper and the very act of speaking seemed to pain her, but there was a stubbornness and a defiance in her bearing Axe could have admired, in a different moment "Let's not kid ourselves. Whether I tell you what you want to know or not, for me it's over; you can't let me go because I know your name and you know my captain would come avenge me. At best you'll keep me as a slave, at worst you'll kill me."

"I could offer him to ransom you; if Shanks cares about you so much, I'm sure he won't haggle, but he will reward me handsomely, either with the Devil Fruit itself or with more money I could sell it for."

Suddenly, the woman smiled; she was in excruciating pain, exhausted, and tied up so tight she couldn't even scratch her nose, but there was something in that smile that led Axe to unconsciously take a step back... as if for a moment, his victim had been replaced by a wild beast, a merciless monster hungry for his blood.

"You have never met Shanks, have you, captain Axe?"

"Never had the pleasure, no."

"Well, you'll know his reputation at least; he is the friendliest, most generous man you could ever meet, but not one you would make an enemy of, especially if you hurt someone close to him. Please, let me go; sooner or later Shanks will find me, and then not even the Gods will be able to protect you from his fury. If you free me now, I promise I'll ask him not to pursue you, and we will both forget we ever met. Please, captain Axe; no ransom and no Devil Fruit are worthy your lives."

She seemed sincere, Axe decided, as if she really wanted to help; unfortunately for her, he didn't need it, and while Shanks was one of the most infamous pirates of the Grand Line, Axe knew he could stand his ground against the red-haired pirate, if he played his cards well.

He sighed, lazily lifting the thumbscrew in his hand as if to inspect it at the light of a lantern, hoping she could see how it worked and imagine the excruciating pain it would inflict. "I have never used this on a woman; I wonder if you'll scream louder than the men." he said, talking only partially to himself. The woman paled, but she didn't bat an eye. Axe wouldn't have been able to say why, but he didn't like her expression; it was as if she was keeping herself in check, refraining from... what? Crying? Begging? Or something else?

"I really don't know where the Devil Fruit is." she said after a while, her tone soft "Shanks... the captain decided to hide it, in case someone were to steal it."

"I'm sure he told you." Axe replied; the truth was, he was starting to doubt what until a moment ago he had been completely certain of, but it was too late to back down. A minute more, he promised himself, a last chance for her to talk, and then he would make good on his promise and use the thumbscrew; and if even that would prove ineffective, either because Shanks' wench actually ignored the Devil Fruit's whereabouts or because even torture could not loosen her tongue, he would find a way to demand a ransom without putting himself and his crew in danger. The red-haired pirate was too powerful an adversary, that he had to admit, but that didn't mean Axe couldn't find a way to get the better of him "Men talk to their women, especially in bed; I'm sure he told you where he would hide the Devil Fruit. Come on, wench, be reasonable. Don't you want to go home? I'm not afraid of your captain, and if you don't give me what I want, I'm going to reduce you to such a state even the most amorous lover would not touch you. Speak, it is your last chance."

A sob escaped the woman's lips; she swallowed, and licked her lips, even though she had drunk or eaten nothing since she had been captured and had to be severely dehydrated. "I... I don't..." she began, and there was nothing openly defiant in her, bound and on the verge of fainting, but Axe suddenly lost control. The thumbscrew was still in his hands, but he let it fall to the ground as he unsheathed the dagger on his belt; with a cry of anger, he lounged at the woman, and stabbed her in the shoulder.

The scream of pure agony seemed to reach every corner of the sea; she coughed, and seemed to collapse, only kept in a sitting position by the ropes binding her.

"She has fainted, cap'n." one the men assisting Axe said - rather unnecessarily, he thought, but when he retrieved his dagger and bent once more to check, the woman slowly raised her head, meeting his gaze once more. She was shaking, either with shock or some other emotion (rage, maybe? But what could she do to express it, at the mercy of her enemies as she was?) and when she spoke, Axe knew she was making an enormous effort to keep herself in check.

A merciless monster...

Suddenly, Axe felt cold. She spoke slowly, deliberately, as if carefully choosing her words.

"You were right; I was lying. I know perfectly where the Devil Fruit is. But it is completely beyond your reach; you'll never have it. This is your last chance: you... you can't even begin to understand what danger you are in. Let me go now, bring me back to the island my crew is staying at, and you'll live another day. Otherwise, I cannot guarantee your safety."

A woman alone on a ship full of enemies, tied like a hog, making threats, should have been ridiculous; even so, the last thing Axe felt like doing was laughing. The two men behind him exchanged a glance, both ill at ease for a reason neither could rationally explain.

A merciless monster hungry for his...

"Captain, maybe we should..." Nejima softly began. The helmsman's advice had saved the crew, and his own life, more than once, but in that moment Axe didn't want to hear it; the woman's last warning had stirred something inside him... a fear buried so deep he had almost forgotten it, and that he had last felt during his first meeting with a Sea King. She wasn't making empty threats; she was actually telling them to beware... what, exactly? What horror did she know was going to be unleashed against Axe's pirates to avenge her?

"Shut up." he said, silencing Nejima's protests; he knew, without the need to ask, that both men next to him would have freed the woman as she demanded, having taken her warning seriously. He also felt... unsettled, for some reason he couldn't understand, and that made him furious. Red-Haired Shanks was a powerful pirate, but not a God, and he had been at sea for more than thirty years; he would find a way to save himself and his men. He was captain Samuel Axe; he always found a way.

First, he would teach this insolent wench her place. He slapped her again, hard enough to break her nose. "I have already told you..."

"Captain..."

"Shut it, Nejima. I am not afraid of your lover, and in any case he is by now too far away to endanger us. If you really want to see him again, you're going to tell me..."

"Captain..." Nejima insisted; that was very unlike him, since the helmsman usually knew when he needed to shut his hole, unless there was something very important he needed to say, and it was this, as well the urgent tone in his voice, that led Axe to turn. "What?!"

"Where is her blood?

"... what?"

"The blood she lost from her wounds and everything; it... it has disappeared. And look at the wound on her shoulder."

It was such an unexpected, absurd thing to hear, Axe couldn't at first fully understand what he was being told. Mechanically, he turned to regard the woman he had done his best to break, and he couldn't deny what was clear in front of his own eyes. In the last twenty-four hours she had lost enough blood to need a transfusion, the dark red liquid staining her skin and clothes, but now, suddenly or in some way Axe, who prided himself on his power of observation, had not noticed, it had all disappeared. Pain was evident on the woman's face, a large black bruise surrounded her left eye and her clothes had been shred by the whipping, but not a single drop of blood was visible on her skin or on the fabric. The stabbing wound on her shoulder, deep enough to make her potentially bleed to death, was dry as well, as if Axe's dagger had penetrated through a log of wood, and not the skin and the flesh of a living woman. But she had bled; Axe had seen the scarlet liquid run down her body, impregnate her clothes, stain her lips when she bit them trying not to scream.

But now it had vanished, as if the woman had been granted a pause from her torture to take a bath, dress her wounds and change her clothes (putting some equally torn ones on). It was... disconcerting, somehow, but Axe didn't fully grasp the implications of what he was seeing until he saw the woman's expression.

She was smiling. No, she was smirking.

Hungry for his...

Axe's heart was seized by horror.

"Who said the danger would come from Shanks?" she asked, before shifting her gaze to regard the man at Axe's right. He started to cough, and again, Axe didn't find anything particularly dangerous about it, the man could simply reach the galley nearby and drink all the water he needed to catch his breath, but then a veritable, violent gush of blood erupted from the man's mouth, falling to the ground in a ruby-red flood, and then Axe understood, and knew he had been a fool not to listen to her.

The man at his left coughed blood, again and again, while Axe and Nejima observed in morbid fascination, horrified and at the same time unable to stop looking. The helmsman was the first to react.

"Stop it." he said, his tone pleading; the woman briefly glanced at him before returning to observe her victim, who had gone pale in the face as the blood kept pouring from his mouth "Please, stop it. All right, you have proved your point, you are not joking, now please, you're going to kill him..."

The woman ignored him, while her victim fell to his knees; Axe saw the man look up at him, try to speak, and fail. The stench of blood in the room was overwhelming; he would have given everything he owned to leave, to run away, but he knew without the need to ask he couldn't - he wasn't allowed to.

The agony of the man next to him lasted no more than four minutes, four minutes that Axe knew would remain engraved in his memory forever. He had once asked his ship's doctor how much blood the body of a man contained; he couldn't remember the answer, but it had to be a lot, gallons and gallons of red, metallic liquid now spread all around the body of the pirate who, after a last desperate look at the woman, as if trying to convey with his eyes the request for mercy he couldn't utter, fell to the floor, already dead. There was no more blood in his body than could be found in a tailor's mannequin.

For a full minute, no one spoke. Nejima looked insistently at his captain, but Axe pretended not to see, loathe to admit he had just realized he was way over his head and had no idea how to save them - or even just himself.

The woman gave them ample time to understand the seriousness of their situation, and to reflect on what to do.

"Do you know the rules about Devil Fruits, captain?" she said in the end; she wasn't gloating, enjoying the reversal of roles that had put the pirates at her mercy; rather, she looked saddened, and full of rage "How it works when you find one?"

"I... I..." Axe licked his lips, his mouth drier than a desert "Well... if you eat it, you get powers... and lose the ability to swim..."

"Correct; but I was thinking about what happens before that. Apparently there is an unwritten rule about the ownership of the fruit, according to which whoever finds it has the right to decide what to do with it, to eat it or sell it or whatever else. If while they spied on us your men seemed to understand Shanks had found the fruit they heard us talking about, they got it wrong; I did. The fruit was mine, and do you remember when I told you you could never have it, that it was beyond your reaching? That was the truth."

She didn't elaborate; she didn't need to. Axe's heart was beating so fast it hurt.

"You ate it."

"I did. Its official name is Chi Chi no Mi; the Blood-Blood Fruit. I was taking a walk in the woods outside the village, and as I followed a bird to take its picture, I saw it, growing on a mango tree among many normal fruits. It was pretty, yellow with some red swirls on it; I realized what it was because I had already seen one, many years ago, that a young friend of mine had eaten. So I picked it, I brought it back to the ship and... well." she added with a small smile "You don't need to hear all of this. I did think about selling it, since there are people in the world willing to pay enourmous prices for them, but... you see I was telling the truth? You should have let me go when I asked you to, captain Axe; not because my lover is going to find me and punish you... even though he would, believe me, and he would make you regret having been born. No, Shanks has nothing to do with it; the one you have to fear is me. I have had this power for less than two days, I am inexperienced, but believe me, I can still do some damage."

She looked at him; there was no joy in her eyes, nor the smallest amount of mercy. "And I will."

Axe's dagger slipped from his fingers, and he regretted it, because part of him wished he could stab himself in the heart and spare himself any more suffering. "Listen..." he started, without the faintest idea of what to say, of how to convince her to have mercy on him "I... I don't..."

"I bet you don't, captain Axe. But that doesn't matter anymore. You." she added moving her gaze on Nejima "Come here and untie me. You need your dagger? You can bring it; but only use it on the ropes, I can kill you both faster than you can kill me."

The helmsman wordlessly obeyed; he moved behind her and quickly cut through the ropes binding her to the chair, first around her torso and then at her wrists. A moment later, the woman was free, even if the abuse and the lack of food and drink had clearly debilitated her, so much that she had to sit again a minute after she had stood to stretch her legs. She may act as if she could kill them by simply raising a finger, Axe thought, and she probably could, but she was a woman, by her nature weak, and had admitted herself she had little experience with using her new powers. All was not lost; she was alone against his whole crew, and she couldn't swim - a dangerous situation to be in when one was sailing on the open sea. This was probably the most danger he had ever been in, but the captain had been a pirate for thirty years, and there was a ninety-five million berries bounty on his head; he would not meet his end at the hands of a wench whose only merit was that a powerful man liked to shag her. He could not tell anyone he had killed her, since her lover would immediately want to retaliate, but, Axe decided, he would send Shanks his wench's head in a box, with a pretty bow as if it were a birthday gift; and the red-haired pirate would never know who was responsible for that offence.

The woman, meanwhile, was still ordering Nejima around. "Call one of your crewmates through the door; have someone bring bandages, clean water, and the necessary to suture a wound, and something to eat and drink. You seem like a reasonable man, but again, no funny business."

The helmsman obeyed without batting an eyelid, slowly reaching the door and pounding on it until someone answered from the outside. He passed the woman's message to one of his crewmates.

"Why? Is someone hurt? Is the captain all right?" the man outside the door wondered; he spoke with a lisp.

"Do as I say, Knapp, I'll explain later."

"I will, but it is too early for lunch, there won't be much ready in the galley."

Nejima sighed. "Just bring whatever you find. Quickly."

In the end, the woman allowed the helmsman to open the door just enough to get the things she had requested in: Knapp had found some bread and cheese, and sent a bottle of water as well together with the medical supplies.

"What is going on in there, Nejima?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper but loud enough for the woman five steps away to hear "Where is Shanks' woman? Do I need to warn the others?"

"No need at all; the captain is still busy with the prisoner, but he inadvertently cut her too deep; we can't make her talk if she dies of blood loss." the helmsman explained in a reasonable tone; he turned, silently inviting Axe to go along with it "Isn't that right, captain?"

The woman looked at Axe; he gritted his teeth. "Yes, that's right; I'm taking care of it, Knapp." he said, taking a single step to meet the man's eyes through the crack in the door; he tried desperately to communicate the danger they were all in, hoping the man would tell by the look in his eyes something was wrong, but Knapp had never been the most observant of men, and reassured by the captain's response he closed the door without further protest.

Axe glared at Nejima; rationally, he knew the helmsman was trying to protect them both, keeping the rest of the crew in the dark regarding the situation they were in, but he couldn't help feeling the other had allied himself with the woman against his captain.

"Now what?" he asked, brusquely.

"Now the two of you will leave all your weapons on the floor and move at the corner of the room farthest from the door, and will remain there until I tell you otherwise."

"I will not be ordered around by a woman, you dirty..."

"Now." the woman added; she raised a hand, as if challenging him to insist "Please."

They obeyed, remaining as far as they could from the door, and from her, while their former prisoner ate and cleaned her wound. For a few minutes, no one spoke; Axe was burning with anger, while Nejima, while clearly terrified, seemed able to keep his emotions in check.

"What are you going to do with us?" he asked in the end; she looked at him, and sighed.

"I honestly don't know. Believe me when I say, I feel no pleasure in the idea of hurting you; but I have to. I have to kill your captain."

"You can try, you little..."

"Listen, you are a pirate as well." Nejima went on, clearly trying to cover his captain's threats "You know how it works. We kidnapped you, hurt you, and we could have killed you. I will not say I am sorry, or that I regret it, because it would be clear I'm only saying that to save our lives."

The woman, back sitting on the chair she had been tied to, her legs elegantly crossed, smiled softly. "You are a clever man."

"I try. You have the right to demand revenge. I'm not even going to appeal to your good heart saying that you should want to avoid unnecessary bloodshed... if you pardon the pun... since you're a doctor. Can't we reach a compromise? The treasure we have in the hold is worthy a few tens of million berries; you can take it as compensation."

The woman actually seemed to consider it, a closed fist under her chin. "It is an interesting offer." she admitted "But I'm afraid I have to refuse, for two reasons. First: the right to retaliate for my kidnapping is my captain's as much as mine; I cannot strike a deal without consulting Shanks. Second, I need to send a signal of strength: if words get around that you can kidnap one of the Red-Haired Pirates and get away with it, my captain's good name will be defiled; you must know a pirate's power comes from his reputation as well as from the objective power of his crew. I could kill you both and take your treasure, without having to waste time with diplomacy."

Axe had to admit (privately) her logic couldn't be faulted; Nejima, on the other hand, seemed to think the peace talk was not over yet.

"You would have to kill us all." he pointed out "Almost seventy people on this ship, all of them skilled fighters. No offense, but are you really sure you can do it? And then, to govern this ship by yourself?"

"I will have to only kill a few of you to prove I am not joking; if your crewmates are even just half as clever as you, they will accept to cooperate in exchange for their lives. I have already killed a few men, in the year I have been a pirate; it wasn't easy, nor pleasant, but I will do it again if forced. I will ask for a Den Den Mushi, call my captain, and ask him..."

That was too much for Axe. Being taken prisoner on his own ship was shameful. Being at the mercy of a woman, who could decide for his life, his crew, his booty, was outrageous. But to see her discuss his future as if he wasn't even present, and boast (in his opinion) she could do what she wanted with the riches he had accumulated? That he could not accept, and while the fury that had taken over him was not something he could control, he was rationally confident he could get the better of her. The woman had ordered them to leave all their weapons on the floor, but she had not searched them to make sure they had, which had allowed Axe to keep his second dagger, as usual hidden under his sash, behind his back.

He took it out taking advantage of a moment the woman was focused on Nejima; he knew he had one chance, and one chance only, and he took it. He would have liked to shout his war cry, but he decided not to; the later the woman realized she was being attacked, even by a fraction of a second, the better.

He pounced on her, the weapon raised above his head. She noticed quicker than Axe would have liked. Maybe ten paces separated her chair from the corner he had been banished to; he only covered eight.

She turned towards him, raising a hand with her fingers outstretched, not unlike the talons of a bird of prey, and at once, Axe found himself unable to move, as if his flesh had turned to stone. She was so close he could have spit at her, but Axe knew she might as well have been at the opposite side of the sea.

He knew his face betrayed the horror filling his very soul, clear for her and Nejima to see; he would have liked to face his death with dignity, but he was a moment away from soiling himself. Soon, he started feeling hot - unbearably, excruciatingly hot, but not the way one did in the middle of the summer or after a day of hard labour; horrified, Axe realized he was burning from the inside, the blood in his veins boiling like a pot of water on the stove.

The woman stood, slowly turning towards him; no mercy coloured her eyes. "Thank you." she said "For taking the decision out of my hands.", and she closed her fist.

A moment before his blood exploded, erupting from every orifice of his body not unlike the geysers he had seen once in a summer island and making him bleed to death in less than fifteen seconds, Axe realized he had never learnt the name of the woman who had killed him.

[mana-jjk]

I would love to hear your thoughts on inuokko post-shibuya. like how toge goes through the acceptance of his injury, how yuuta would help and be so supportive of him and also their reunion…just want to hear your thoughts on it! go wild! I love inuokko <3

oh my gosh anon thank you i have so many thoughts !!

feel free to send more asks about canon or au’s !! i have so many thoughts it’s insane i an incredibly not stable about inuokko and it’s a little scary tbh.

Post-Shibuya

• so i think it’s important to establish that the time between shibuya and gojo’s unsealing was 19 days. let’s just sit on that for a few moments, just a little more than two weeks.

• what gets me is that a week after toge’s 17th birthday, he is traumatically amputated and alone.

• i do think yuuta was the one to find him, having arrived at around 1:30 a.m. to shibuya. it’s heartbreaking in itself to consider, because even unconsciously if toge calls, yuuta will come barring nothing.

• yuuta is immediately dispatched to shibuya and everything with the culling games is happening so he doesn’t even know if his friends are okay and that’s the hardest part.

• waking up brings a numbness, quiet acceptance that’s been beaten into him since he was a kid. it was inevitable that he was going to severely injured at some point in his life. that’s why he didn’t cry or scream or even feel angry. he was just numb.

• going with the theory that his wraps were meant to contain curse residuals/poison, there was severe nerve damage that extended from the now stump to his shoulder and even a little down his abdomen. shoko tried her best to help him learn how to move again, but she was overbooked.

• every morning, afternoon, and evening, he was forcing himself to move and learn how to maneuver without his arm. he mostly fought with his legs and cursed speech, so he was grateful that he hadn’t lost either. no matter how much inwardly his heart wished otherwise. losing an arm did throw him off-balance so he practiced a lot in learning to fight without the weight.

• no matter how much shoko tried to convince him to rest, he couldn’t force himself to sit still, every time he sat down, he thought of yuuta and maki and panda fighting out there alone. the dead civilians stared back at him in his dreams. the feeling of a thousand cleavers sinking into his flesh pulsed. he couldn’t sit still, so he did what he’s been doing since his parents gave him up. he trained, he fought, he prepared to sacrifice what was left of his body.

• when they called forth everyone willing and able to fight, toge didn’t even hesitate. despite being a traumatized teenager just learning how to tie an empty sleeve, marching towards death was as natural as breathing.

• stepping into the meeting point, he’s in the mind of the soldier, focus on nothing but the next fight, trying to ignore the way his shoulder aches from phantom pain.

• surprisingly, it’s maki who sees him first. while she knew from yuuta what had happened, it still ached her own scars to see him. yet, boldly as everything else she does, she comes up to him and grabs him into a forceful hug. panda isn’t far behind, even with his reduced height. for a moment toge can do nothing but blink.

• yuuta is a breath behind, a mixture of overwhelming relief and devastation all at once in the blue of his eyes, wanting the other to be thousands of miles away but unable to shake his last memory of digging through the shredded remains of civilians, praying to find him whole.

• toge sees him, sees the distress in his eye and reaches out. his hand encloses around yuuta’s, and the distress melts into relief that spills down his face, a crybaby as always. at least that’s how it goes in his mind, past the way his shoulder spasms to do just that. it isn’t relief spilling from yuuta’s eyes, it’s a quiet understanding and grief that tears his heart apart.

• not so long ago, his presence brought relief, his strength was depended on, and he had the ability to at least wipe the tears from his friend’s eyes. all at once it hits him, the scars on his shoulder burn, the feeling of a thousand cleavers on flesh no longer there, the sight of maki’s burns, panda so much smaller, yuuta crying over him, always over him. his own bloody hand tying his tourniquet, not knowing where his friends are, not knowing where he is, alive or dead, hands digging through the debris, strangled breath, pain, burning, darkness, blood, smoke, debris, dead eyes, everyone was dead, why wasn’t he dead?

he didn’t save them.

he couldn’t protect them.

and after everything, that was what broke him.

• he cries, and as everything it’s quiet. the hitch of his breath is enough to send tears streaming down all their faces, just as he feared he’s inevitably cursed them again. it’s only a moment before maki steps aside and warm arms are wrapping around him. he cries until his face burns and his throat hurts from the hitched sobs, but yuuta with tears streaming down his face accepts every curse with open arms.

Recovery

• when everything is over, toge doesn’t really know what to do with himself. all he’s ever known was to fight and sacrifice and part of him thought he would die in the war. now that it was over, he couldn’t wrap his head around actually living.

• he spends his days trying to relearn everything he forgot, having been so focused on learning to fight that he hadn’t even considered what it meant to learn how to cook or write or even properly sign with one hand.

• through it all, yuuta is there, sometimes unbearable in his presence and persistent belief in toge. always watching, yet forcibly holding himself back from intervening after a stern talking from maki. toge failed in the simplest tasks, again and again, and sometimes he could only kick in frustration. but through it all, yuuta never left, never looked at him with pity. sitting and waiting like a golden retriever waiting for the word.

• the few times toge cried, like when nobara complained of being hungry and toge tried to shape rice but couldn’t get it right. he stood in the kitchen, tears blurring his vision, fingers twitching violently, unused to so much use. yuuta had walked in, took one look at him and wrapped his arms around him. strong and so familiar to the way he lifted him from the rubble. he didn’t say anything or trying to pull him away, he just held him as they stood in the kitchen, rocking gently on socked feet and smelling of fresh laundry. eventually toge stood back and tried again, producing a slightly bumpy but edible riceball. yuuta tried to make his own and sent toge into tears again over how absolutely clumsy and misshapen it was. with his single arm, he guided yuuta as best he could and returned the bashful grin yuuta gave him with something almost like relief.

• toge eventually got a prosthetic arm, one he could funnel cursed energy through, but the domain had left a number in phantom pain. a consistent poison stopped only by sigils and yuuta that felt like a thousand knives in his nerves. sometimes it was unbearable and left him wandering at odd hours with gritting teeth and pulsing nerves. he never liked waking anyone up, so yuuta ruined what little sleep schedule he had to ensure that rika always listened for the others footsteps.

• toge never told him, but yuuta’s reversed curse energy was different from shoko, where shoko was practiced and efficient like a bandage, yuuta felt like a warm hand over the injury that pressed until it was absorbed entirely. he never had a mother to wipe away his tears or even a sibling to pick him up again, but the way yuuta wiped his pain away made it seem as though it didn’t even compare.

• the first time toge cooked alone, yuuta cried at the first bite even as toge teased him for being a baby. later, he would gently hold his shaking hand that twitched with exertion with a reverence that shook toge to his core. sometimes the care he treated toge with scared him, so afraid to give yuuta, warm and kind yuuta, the broken pieces of himself. but sometimes yuuta made him feel like he wasn’t broken, that he was something precious. kindness and love that so warm and encompassing, it terrified him.

• it’s through shoko he hears that yuuta is considering going abroad again. despite everything he’s been through, the idea terrifies him like nothing else. still trying to learn how to live, he never considered a life without yuuta in it.

• so he hides, shutting down with all the willpower he had to recover disappearing with yuuta. every time yuuta knocks, he burrows deeper under his covers, willing himself to disappear like he should have before.

• he should’ve known that the people around him never seemed to understand why it would be for the better. maki shoves open his door, drags him out, and drills in his head once again that he lost his chance to escape the day he stepped foot in the school. he loves them, loves them more than any word could describe, and their love in turn aches like an open wound but at this point he can’t imagine living without them.

• yuuta finds him later, sitting outside in the garden he always found comfort in. it’s quiet when yuuta kneels in front of him, taking his hand with a kind and dopey eyes with a soft smile that he must know always strikes a cord in the other, “i am considering going abroad again,” he says, a juxtaposition of healing and breaking him apart again and again.

• “and i want you to come with me.”

• toge was a weapon as far back as he could remember. what the higher ups demanded, he obeyed. he lost his entire life to being that weapon, destroying himself and learning to never yearn for more. he never imagined he’d get to experience what others did, never thought he’d see the outside of japan. never thought he’d live long enough to consider it. but here yuuta was, offering him not only to shatter the perception of what his life should have been, but offering to spend his own proving that idea wrong every day.

• there was no sign or words to convey that feeling, the fear and hope that settled heavily on his chest. the weight of the world crushing him a little more everyday. the coward in him told him to shake his head, to stay where he knew and never leave. but didn’t he have to eventually? well into his third year, he never considered what came after.

• nobara and maki were getting an apartment in the city, permanent partners in missions, in life. panda was continuing yaga’s work, learning how to live on his own for the first time, navigating a world not built for him. yuuji and megumi were still figuring out how to live through their trauma, but they had each other and talked frequently about finding their own place after graduation. everyone was moving on, even if they always had a place for one another.

• “you’re the reason i can wake up everyday and believe that it’s okay for me to be alive,” yuuta says as if he doesn’t already have his heart in his hand, “please let me convince you the same.” and toge was helpless but to agree.

[neriumperfume]

A Field Guide to Obscure Wildlife (Ford x gn!Reader) Chapter 1 - Go Your Own Way

You wondered if the world had it out for you tonight. Despite being a staunch believer of the universe’s indifference towards all living beings, the current events in this diner made you doubt. Maybe the universe had its unfavorites. You being one of them. And it wasn’t because of the storm, the bad diner food smell that gave you the ick, or even that you had stepped on chewing gum right as you got out of the car in the small parking lot. It was because your boyfriend was too occupied kissing the waitress to even notice that you had just come back from the bathroom afterward. And the fact that the waitress looked nothing like you didn’t help. Still on autopilot mode, you sit down in front of him and cough. He doesn’t seem to notice you, still too focused on the woman he was cheating on you with. This cuts your patience short as you grab one of the glasses of juice on the small diner table and empty all of its contents on both of them. They looked at you startled, your boyfriend grimacing as he realized what this meant for you both. You wordlessly walk out of the diner, taking deep breaths so that you don’t start crying, knowing that if you started doing so, you wouldn’t be able to stop for a while. The parking lot looked a lot grayer now, the coldness of autumn starting to show itself in the wind blowing against you. You curse yourself as you realize you left your car keys on the diner table and think about how humiliating it must be to go back inside, with those two still there. Your boyfriend bumped into you as you turned to go back to the diner, his left hand holding the keys, his expression betraying his feelings of annoyance at getting caught red-handed instead of any regret. He silently handed you the keys and you both got in the car, his orange juice-soaked clothes staining the passenger seat and leaving a sour-sweet smell inside the whole car. Neither of you said a word for about five minutes until you decided to break the silence. “I was right, then.” You looked into your boyfriend of six years’ eyes for any signs of this situation being some kind of bad joke, but you found nothing. Not a single tell that could point to him kidding about this. His entire being seemed cold like he’d just turned into some kind of ice statue. “...Didn’t want to be. Not about you cheating on me.” “Of course you were. Even a broken clock has its moments.” You flinched at his comment and your hold on the wheel tightened. While it was true that your head is usually up in the clouds, hearing it come from the same person who found it endearing when you started dating hurt like hell. Sure, he became a lot more condescending once you moved in with him, but why did he have to rub salt in the wound your childhood left on you? 

You felt that familiar sense of inadequacy bubble up inside you before what little self-respect you had at the moment stopped it from getting any bigger— your ego screaming at you to focus on something else much more important. “...Not even a ‘sorry’? How long have you been pretending to love me?” This got a raise out of him, although it was a small one— A twitch in his brow, an averting of his eyes. The corners of his mouth went briefly downwards before settling on a tense smile. The same smile he had whenever he said something hurtful during the last seven years. You mentally brace yourself for the emotional bomb he’s about to throw at you, hoping that you don’t crash the car. “Ever since we met.” Damn. That made no sense to you, why even enter a relationship, then? It wasn’t like you were a total knockout or anything, so it couldn’t be just based on looks. And you weren’t wealthy, either. So why? You kept your eyes on the road, but couldn’t help but glance in his direction as you saw the shine of a badge in his wallet. No way. No fucking way.

 “Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice before. Perhaps you aren’t as much of a menace as the authorities thought you were.” There it is. The bomb. And what a bomb it was, taking into account that you had to stop the car almost immediately so that you didn’t accidentally step on the accelerator and send you both to the afterlife. You turned to him in horror, your jaw open and your eyes as wide open as they could be in disbelief. And from the melting pot of emotions boiling inside of you, a single word came out of your mouth. “...What?” You slowed down the car. The authorities? What was he on about? Did he hit his head while getting out of the diner? Bryce took out a cigarette and lit it up, taking a drag of it and blowing out smoke. He scoffed at your reaction, as if your being shocked at being spied on was somehow unreasonable. “It doesn’t matter.” He looked outside, watching as you drove past the traffic signs. “You know, most scientists would’ve put that PhD to work already, rather than letting it collect dust. Like you did. There’s no point in me keeping an eye on you anymore.” You felt your blood pressure rise. You wanted to put your doctorate and other certificates to work. You really did. Hell, you even took a downright inhuman course load so that you could graduate early. But Bryce had convinced you to stay home and struggle with him because according to him, love conquered all. Now you wondered how on earth you could be so smart yet so stupid. “You said you didn’t feel comfortable with me being the breadwinner. And the house was a mess all the time.”Was this a common occurrence? Was the government sending crappy boyfriends to kill a troublesome person’s career? You felt nauseous. Six years of your life wasted on a random agent, and one that never loved you to begin with! You wanted the earth to swallow you whole so that you didn’t have to deal with this any longer.

“Still, I thought getting you to agree with me would be harder.” You fuzzily remembered the words your mother used to say to you, something about caged birds and that easy prey was no fun for hunters. She was right. “I guess you’re just that boring.”  He laughs, the sound ringing in your ears. That was it. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. You stopped the car and through tear-filled eyes asked:

“Could you at least get your gift from the trunk? I don’t want to see it once I start packing.”He raised an eyebrow at this, but then shrugged and got out of the car, the smell of tobacco following him. You had stopped a couple of miles away from your… his apartment. Far away enough that any possible bystanders to your breakup were nowhere to be seen. “Fine. But I expect you to get out of my place by tomorrow morning.” Asshole. You nodded and then started the car back up, stepping on the accelerator before he got a chance to react. You looked at the rearview mirror, the sight of him running after you making you smile for the first time in what seemed like ages. ___________ a/n: he doesn't appear yet but I promise next chapter he will!

[itsjustaninchident]

♥ Lover

Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader

Summary: Maybe home is not a place but a person.

Warnings: angst but it gets better in the end, frustrating ngl, just reader having a bad day in general

Author's Note: Lemme know what you think ( i got quite carried away bec this is so long for me hehe) Also idk if I was able to portray the song but comments are highly appreciated and I might open for requests because school will soon be over which means I will have more time to write hehe <3 love ya all

Word Count: 1.9k

It was a sweet monday morning, birds chirping, sun shining through your face, kids playing outside in the park with their parents, dogs being walked by their lovely owners. Really it was nice, only if you weren't having a bad day.

You were running late for your work, you slept through your alarm clock. If it weren't for your boyfriend Charles, calling your phone to say his daily good morning's you will not be able to make it to your work. You didn't have the time to make or eat breakfast so you made a mental note to just eat a heavy lunch to make up for the lost meal in the morning, hair frizzy and no makeup at all except for a sunscreen and lip gloss. 

But good thing, you were still able to make it on time, the clock going on to 8:59 am. Breathe in, breathe out, everything's gonna be okay, at least you tried to convince yourself. Not even going on 2 hours into your work you got called by your boss to her office. 

Palms are sweaty and you tried to wipe it off your skirt, mentally preparing yourself for what's about to come. Rethinking all of the things you have possibly done. You knocked on the door and slowly twisted the knob. And best to say, you weren't prepared for it. 

You got fired. She went on specific details, like running late, incompetency, a mistake you did because of a technical issue on the company's part and yada yada yada as she went through all of that , you tuned everything out as it came down to you and can't help the things that are currently running through your mind, how  are you gonna pay for your bills now? Where are you gonna get the money for your needs and your cat's? What about the daily allowance you give to your siblings back home? Who's gonna pay for their college? All possible thoughts formed like tornado in your mind

She sent you off and said to pack your things today as it is effective immediately, while you were getting ready you feel so empty, like nothing just happened, your workmates we're looking at you, pity visible in their eyes as they secretly watch you get your things out of the cubicle, you wanted to cry but at that moment you weren't feeling anything at all not even a glint of sadness just hollow in your stomach. 

When you finished getting your cubicle cleaned up you said goodbye to all of your workmates, sending you a look of sympathy but you immediately avoided it not wanting to delve into the feeling. Carrying a box full of things from your former work you went to the elevator. While you're on the elevator your phone pinged, a notification from your boyfriend. He sent you a cute photo of himself pouting and a message that said he misses you. You can't help but smile, feeling a little bit better but the weight of today's events is still weighing you down. 

You went outside of your company, feeling sad that you'll be leaving but maybe the universe has other plans for you, trying to think of things to at least be optimistic. You stayed in front of the building and waited for a taxi, the clouds are the polar opposite of the sunny day you woke up to a while ago. You silently wish for the universe to just let you through and find a taxi to go back home but of course it has to go opposite of your way. 

Small drops of water from the sky started falling until it got bigger, lightning visible through the sky occasionally startling you. You want to scream, cry because nothing ever goes your way, and throw everything on your hands right now and just do nothing. You're so frustrated nothing about this day came your way, everything's just not in their right place. And you feel so helpless at the moment not knowing what to do, passersby were looking your way wondering why you're wet and all by yourself. 

After 30 minutes of being drenched in the rain you finally hailed a taxi, the driver looked sympathetic as he saw your current state, he tried to open up a conversation but you weren't just in the mood and good thing he understood. 

After paying the taxi you immediately went to your apartment floor, wanting this day to be over. You open the door struggling to rattle the key into the doorknob as it doesn't unlock easily, "Ugh!" You feel so frustrated. Why is everything bad happening to you right now? 

When you opened your door you were immediately startled by what you saw or rather who. There, your boyfriend, Charles Leclerc, stood before you startled by you as much as you were of him. He wasn't expecting you to come back earlier than he had anticipated because he knows you don't get out of work before 5pm. He was planning to surprise you, well he succeeded but he was as surprised as what he expected you to be. 

He takes your appearance all in, warm and fuzzy feeling invaded his stomach, he sighed as he sees your current state yet he couldn't take his eyes off of you, you're so stunning even when rain drenched you all over but he can't help but not notice the look on your face he always hates to see, sadness, frustration, and emptiness. 

You wanted to drop everything right now and run to his arms, cry your eyes out and vent all of your frustrations but you can't seem to move, feeling embarrassed of your current state he's seeing you in and not wanting to drench him in water as well. But that didn't stop Charles from dragging his planted feet to the ground to reach you immediately, enveloping you in his arms a tight hug and you dropped all of your things as you were startled by his move. His scent lingering to you and you don't know how it's possible to erase all the bad things that happened today when he hugged you. 

There it was, all the feelings you were supposed to feel a while ago came rushing down like big waves not stopping and just urging on. He sighed as he heard your muffled cry, soaking his ever comfortable 'boyfriend' sweatshirt as you like to call it. He's rubbing your back, stroking your hair as he takes in all your emotions, frustrated that he wasn't with you all this day to just help you go through a hard time for you. He didn't know it was possible for him to feel so sad when the person you love is crying their heart out, it's like ripping his heart just to get it back into pieces and ripping it again and again. 

He wanted to share the feeling you were going through just to ease the pain, if only it was possible. As you were crying you didn't notice that he started to pull you up, hands on your buttocks as he lifted you up and you, slightly distracted by crying, through muscle memory, you entangled your legs to his hips and he started to move to your bed, your cries still ringing in the four walled room. It's painful to hear, he's never seen you like this. You're the least person to cry, because you're always the one who comforts people, always the one to pick him up when he's had a bad race, and always the one to find happiness in everything but now it's like the light you had was gone. 

He sat you down on the bed and the feeling of his body within you was removed and you huffed a slight whine that made him chuckle lightly. He walked outside and you're wondering what he is doing and still quite sobbing from your outburst. Little streak of tears still trickling down your cheeks. He came back with a towel he found in your bathroom and clothes (from his closet in your apartment) and your favorite sweatpants. He carried you again, and you put your arms on his neck and enveloped your legs to his hip. He brought you to your bathroom and sat you on the counter. Slowly he removed all of your clothes and started drying you with the towel. Silence enveloped you two while occasional sobs slip off of you, but still it feels intimate and comfortable. Warmth crept through your heart as admiration was visible on your face. His forehead creased as he's too focused on drying you not wanting you to get fever and cold. His hands are so gentle as he whispers comforting words and sweet nothings. After he finished, your sobs subsided and you felt better than ever. He then puts on your clothes and as he locks his gaze with you he can't help himself but peck you on the lips, worry still visible on his face. What did you do in your past life to deserve him? 

"What happened, babe? Do you wanna talk about it?" He said in a warm and gentle voice soothing your heart and lulling you into comfort. You lay on his chest as his arms are tangled to your waist, sometimes drawing little circles on your stomach making you feel all the butterflies. "I had such a bad day. I'm so frustrated." You started telling him what happened while faint sobs were still visible to your voice. He listened attentively, not letting any detail slip up and he looked at you after you finished your story. "You're so strong for enduring all of that love, you've done well today. As for your job, we will go through every possible job offering we could find. For now, let's forget about everything. You should rest and tomorrow will be a new day. I will help you, I'm always here and I will always listen to you, comfort you, and love you. We'll get through this, yeah? Unless you're up for some ben and jerry's and a cheesy romcom movie?" Your ears perked up at the last sentence he mentioned. You can't help but feel so much admiration and love for this man, you couldn't ask for anyone or anything better.

He's home, he's your favorite chapter of your favorite book, the warmth you feel when you drink hot chocolate, the scent that never fails to bring back good memories, the happy ending of your favorite movie, your favorite part of december, like a kid opening up a present on christmas day, the smell of the mixture of coffee and pastry when you walk in a cafe, he's like a newly opened book the smell warmth and comforting. He's everything all at once, no matter where you are and who you're with, the feeling you have when you're with him will never compare to any luxurious place or any famous person. 

You turned around and faced him, you held his face and slowly inched your face to his, kissing him slowly with love and intimacy. He returned the favor while slowly smiling. "How am I so lucky to have you?" You said while looking into his green eyes. "Maybe you've used all of your luck because of me." 

A grin forming on both of your faces but yours comes out funny looking as you try to suppress it and mask it with your eyebrows pinched together. "But kidding aside, I am just as lucky to have you, you've never failed to pick me up when I am down, never forget to tell me you love me or appreciate me, and never ever let me go through tough times alone. I wanted you to feel that as well, because the love you give everyone is the love you deserve to receive and sometimes even greater than that."

[slothquisitor]

There for the Taking

In which Liv has a crisis, and Astarion is kind of mean. Or what if your good character was just a tiny bit tempted by Astarion's suggestion you take over the cult? Thanks to TheWyvernRising (on AO3) for letting me borrow Rowan and also naming the fic. Titles are hard. Liv x Astarion, 4.6k, just angst.

Also on AO3.

______________________________________________________________

Blights and shambling mounds sharp as razors leap from the darkness. Here the shadows cut and slice. Despite her hypervigilance in this place, Liv is surprised all the same. She lobs a bolt of fire at the nearest blight, hoping that they might be vulnerable to fire damage. It explodes into flames and needles, and she feels as if she’s being stung by a hundred bees at once on every exposed bit of skin.

Astarion has used the distraction to try and get close, stepping around the back side of the shambling mound. He gets in two quick dagger strikes before the mound’s long, vine-like branches snap his way. The tendrils twist around his feet, pulling him down to the ground where the mound rips into him. 

His name catches in her throat as she uselessly screams his name. It had been a bad idea to come up this path. It had been her decision, and she had walked them right into an ambush. They’re looking for a house Halsin had seen, apparently surrounded by wildflowers in this bleak and desolate place. It might well be the key to breaking the curse on this land, but right now, she’s not sure why they’re bothering when everything here wants to kill them. 

And Astarion hasn’t moved. His pale skin is marred with gashes and scrapes, and he isn’t fucking moving. 

Karlach is trying to get to the mound while contending with two smaller blights, and Shadowheart is slowly making her way toward Astarion’s still unmoving form. Liv hurls another spell at the mound, determined to give Shadowheart a clear path. Liv had been trying to conserve her magic, but the fight is looking far more dire than she’s comfortable with. She isn’t about to lose any of her friends to fucking trees . 

She conjures a tiny mote of flame that snakes into the backfield and then explodes into a fireball. The outward in a burst of heat very nearly engulfs Karlach, her great axe slicing and splintering through a blight. A few more strategically fired scorching rays and swings from Karlach’s unrelenting axe, and the last of the cursed trees fall. Liv is breathing hard, her magic sputtering. Despite her best efforts to stay out of the fray, her arms and face are covered in small cuts from exploding needles, they sting as her sweat runs into them. 

Shadowheart’s spiritual guardians dissipate, leaving them in darkness once more. She’s kneeling at Astarion’s side, and Liv realizes with a certain degree of horror that his injuries are much worse than she thought. And it hurts . 

She knows what this is. What they are. She doesn’t get to cry out his name when collapses. She doesn’t get to have her heart squeezed vice-like while she watches Shadowheart’s healing magic pour into him. That’s not what this is. 

Shadowheart swears as a healing spell does nothing, and then looks up at Liv. “I need a scroll!”

Liv digs into her bag, drawing out one of their precious scrolls of revivify. They’ve only had to use these twice. Once when Lae’zel was knocked into a chasm by a minotaur in the Underdark, and another on Wyll after a thunder arrow knocked him into the lava of the Grymforge. They’re lucky to even have these scrolls, to have options to avoid the finality of death. But it doesn’t help her feel any less panic as she hands the scroll over with shaking hands. 

This sort of magic isn’t her forte. She can craft a fireball, mimic lightning, and throw up shields to protect herself, but she has no spells for moments like this. She cannot heal or ease anyone’s pain. She’s barely been able to craft them healing potions. All of her magic…her studying…what is it for if she can’t truly help people?

A moment later, filled with a burst of divine magic, Astarion’s eyes open. He’s alive. Well, as alive as he was before anyway. And the tightness that had settled in Liv’s chest loosens. She’s more than simply relieved; she’s grateful. She wants to yell at him about being too close to enemies, at his infuriating cockiness, and she wants to pull him into a hug, make sure that he is in fact alright.

She doesn’t do any of that. 

“That nearly ended me,” he says quietly. He’s inches from death’s door, his skin a collection of bruises and cuts, but he’s fine. He’ll be fine. 

“Only nearly,” Shadowheart replies with a small smile of triumph. 

They’re all looking a little worse for wear, and one glance up the path tells Liv that this is a dead end anyway. “This is certainly not the right way. Do we need to go back to Last Light?” Liv asks. 

“And risk another ambush?” Karlach asks, eyes darting about the darkness. 

“We should take an hour here, at the very least,” Shadowheart says, hands still hovering over Astarion’s wounds. Her magic glows a bright blue and the worst of his wounds stitch together. 

She doesn’t love the idea of waiting around here in the darkness or something else to find them, but Karlach has a point. They can at least light some torches and keep the worst shadows at bay for now. Around them there is nothing but the crumbled remains of what was once a tower, perhaps it was a lookout on this ruined battlefield. “Alright then, let’s take an hour.”

She busies herself setting up a perimeter of torches, but it’s not quite distracting her from the image of Astarion crumpled on the ground, all life gone from his eyes. It’s startling how precarious all of this feels, and how much she cares . There are many things from her past life she has tried to leave behind, but caring for those who wouldn’t give a second thought to her doesn’t seem to be one of them. It’s stupid, really. She’s at least ten years too old for this sort of behavior and far too clever for it besides. She knew what Astarion was when she met him in that clearing and she knew what he was offering. Looking for more is simply an exercise in heartbreak. 

And yet. Her foolish fucking heart wants anyway. 

She sits down against the base of the tower, as far away from Astarion and Shadowheart as she can manage and still be within the safety of the torchlight. She pulls out her spellbook and begins looking for anything she might have learned that she can prepare, something that might be more fucking useful.

It surprises her when Astarion shuffles over, cradling a health potion and still battered and bruised despite Shadowheart’s healing. She curses her stupid heart for racing when he sits down heavily beside her. 

“Well, I think I might have argued to stay in camp today if I’d known the trees were going to attack us,” he says. “Really, what is it with this godsforsaken place? It’s downright awful.”

“Really makes you miss dirty goblin camps, doesn’t it?”

“Shockingly, yes,” he replies, flashing her a slight grin before downing the healing potion with a grimace. 

And then he tips his head back, eyes falling closed as he tries to rest. She lets her gaze linger on him a moment longer, convincing herself that he is in fact safe. Then, she turns her attention back to her spellbook and tells herself that his presence beside her means nothing. Right?

***

Shadowheart’s healing magic had done good enough work in bringing Astarion back from death’s door, but there was something vaguely disquietening about having been dead. It’s a different sort of death than what he experienced when Cazador turned him. Still hurt like the hells though. He feels a disconcerting distance between himself and his own limbs as if he hasn’t quite settled back within his body. In some ways it’s kind of pleasant, to be floating above his body instead of trapped within it. It’s easier to pretend he’s somewhere else. 

And he does, for a while. Though Liv’s shifting and the quiet sound of her turning the pages of her spellbook occasionally pull him back. But even that is kind of nice. It’s…easy to be with Liv. It’s not like that with their other companions. Karlach and Gale make him tired. Wyll and Shadowheart are fun to trade words with, but even they feel like work. Lae’zel and Liv seem to be the only members of their little group who seem to value a comfortable silence. And Liv seems to always sense when he doesn’t want to talk, seems content to just be.  

Liv had looked…bothered when he’d come to. Her expression was schooled into something cool and impassive, but her eyes…her eyes were filled with worry. He thought for a moment she might fuss over him, express some outward concern for his safety the same way he’s sure she’d yelled his name when he fell, but instead, she’d simply stepped away. It had seemed almost forced. Even after tendays of traveling together, he’s not sure what’s going on in her head half the time. 

So perhaps that is why he presses forward, headlong into a conversation that might be best left alone. “So…Moonrise towers approaches…”

“Assuming we ever actually make it there, yes,” Liv replies, not looking up from her spellbook. 

“You know…I feel a connection with you. Like we’re two souls walking the same path,” he says. That gets her attention, gets her to look up from her spellbook. There’s something that looks perilously close to hope in her eyes. Something about it bothers him and he almost abandons the whole conversation. But there’s no time like the present, and he needs to know what it is she plans to do. “You might be a little naive in the ways of the world, but I see promise in you. Ambition .”

She frowns and whatever had brightened her eyes dims. “What do you mean naive?” 

He needs to be careful with this. Guide her to the conclusion he’s come to. Gently. “Just that you…have a big heart. You like doing what’s right. So I was thinking, what would be the right thing to do when we get to Moonrise Towers? When we come face to face with whoever is controlling the parasites in our heads.”

Her brow furrows. “The right thing to do would be destroy the cult and end its evil forever.”

Ugh. Really? She’s unwilling to let go of this ridiculous hero streak of hers. He rolls his eyes. “Gods. No…try to think outside the box. Just a little.” She’s clever, he’s begging her to consider the implications. “Consider the parasites in our skulls and think - how many others have the mind flayers infected? Hundreds? Thousands? And they’re not just goblin trash - there are powerful people in the worms’ thrall. And whoever’s waiting at Moonrise Towers controls it all. But if we can take that control from them, imagine the power we’d wield.”

“The power we’d wield? Are you…you’re being serious,” Liv says, words slowly rising in pitch. “What is it about me exactly that would lead you to believe I’d have any interest in that kind of power?”

She sounds almost hurt, offended, even. It surprises him, but he doesn’t stop pushing. If only to see just how far he can before her careful control breaks. “So much for hoping you had ambition. I’m just saying there’s an opportunity here. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and liberate the world from this evil.”

“By making people our slaves? I thought you of all people would see the problem inherent in that.”

Anger flares in him, bright and fast and razor sharp. She doesn’t know anything . She’s never had to experience what it’s like to be powerless, to have no control over your own fate. If there is power on offer, and if there is a way for him to gain an advantage over Cazador he will fucking take it. “So much for thinking you had ambition. Isn’t that supposed to be the hubris of wizards? How utterly wasteful.”

She closes her spellbook with a snap, leaning far away from him. “This is clearly going to be surprising to you, but I don’t want power. Certainly not that kind.” Then she stands and brushes the dirt from her robes. 

“You don’t have to be so wet around the ears about it,” he laments. He knows that he’s hurting her feelings and probably jeopardizing whatever this thing between them is that he had fought so hard for, but he can’t seem to stop. He's always doing this, pushing her and watching for the point where her patience, her unyielding kindness finally breaks because he doesn't seem to know what else to do with these things she offers him. 

She stares at him for a moment and shakes her head. “You know, saving you from Cazador and liberating everyone with a worm in their head aren’t mutually exclusive.” And then she walks away without another word. 

He’s sure she believes what she’s saying. She’s fundamentally honest. Even when she’s convincing cultists that their group is friendly or persuading mad doctors to let their nurses slice them to ribbons, she’s not a liar…so he’s not sure why her comment gives him little comfort. The tadpole is the thing that’s set him free. It’s given him back his life and given him the advantage over Cazador. He’s no longer compelled, controlled, chained. And even after everything he’s told her, she would strip that protection away, make him a slave to Cazador’s whims once more. 

He doesn’t know how to tell her that her world is different from his. That cruelty has ruled his life for longer than she’s been alive. He knows what survival really takes.

She wants to help him. He knows that; he can sense it whenever he tells her about his life under Cazador’s thumb. But she doesn’t understand the power, the absolute control because she is too damn afraid of taking it herself. But what he can’t fathom is why….she grew up with power, in power. And yet…she seems so damn afraid of it. Their dream visitor offered her power too, and she absolutely refused it. Even Gale had at least been willing to hear their guardian out. 

He’s going to have to apologize for this whole conversation later when she’s not so upset and he can be convincingly contrite. A part of him rankles at the thought, at the memories it stirs up. But he’d had a plan, it wouldn’t do to ruin it all now. 

***

It’s late in Last Light, but Liv can’t stand to be in camp tonight. So instead, she sits at the bar by the fire, nursing a glass of…something. She’s not really sure what it is, the label was too faded to read, but it smells strong and tastes just sweet enough that she welcomes the burn with each sip. She’s not alone in the downstairs of the inn, though the other folks here are just as solitary as she is this evening. 

Almost everyone left in the bar area is mourning in some way, Harpers who lost friends on the road. Tieflings who were separated from friends and kin. Flaming Fist who feel they failed their Duke. 

Liv feels like an interloper. She’s not mourning anything except perhaps the future heartbreak that’s sure to crush her sooner rather than later. She can’t shake the conversation she had with Astarion earlier today. Would he take that sort of power for himself? Does he think she would? Is that what he really thinks of her? 

She’s been accused of being many things she doesn’t find particularly accurate over the years. Some have found her cold, too impassive, too unmoved by things. Others still have told her she is too passionate, too set in her ways and her belief in right and wrong. She’s not sure if the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Most days the only thing she feels she has in excess are feelings. She feels too much and too deeply, and simply ends up hurting too much of the time. 

She wishes that she didn’t want Astarion to be the person who knows her best. Especially when he’s so wrong about her, but then…there had been a moment. A small, small part of her was tempted. Just for a moment. It made her sick. 

Perhaps he did know her well enough to know she’d be tempted. Well enough to echo words she’s heard before: a lack of ambition, a bad wizard, what a waste. Fuck. 

“Mind if I join you?” asks a soft voice at her side, and Liv is startled from the downward spiral of her thoughts.

Liv recognizes the elven woman, Rowan. She’d been injured badly when the inn was attacked, and while she’s not a Harper, it’s clear Jaheira trusts her. She doesn’t really want company, but perhaps it can’t be worse than whatever one wizard pity party she’s been having for gods know how long. She summons a smile she doesn’t particularly feel. “Not at all.”

Rowan sits beside her, her long red hair falling like a curtain between them. She tucks it behind her ear and sighs. “You’re looking a little too long-faced to be the long-awaited hero here to save the day.”

Liv liked being the hero back in the Grove…before she realized how heavy the weight of expectation could land on one’s shoulders. Hope shone in the eyes of the tieflings from the Grove when she and her companions arrived here to Last Light, and she couldn’t help but meet that hope with promises and reassurances she’s not sure she can make good on. Even when she tempers expectations by promising nothing more than to look for friends and kin…it still feels dishonest. 

“Isobel is the real hero here. We couldn’t make it more than a few miles down the road today before being ambushed by shadow-cursed trees,” she says. She doesn’t mean for the words to twist bitterly in her mouth as she speaks, but they do anyway. 

Rowan watches her, amethyst eyes sharp. She doesn’t say anything for a long while. “Are you alright?” 

This is the one question that goes unasked amongst her companions. It’s been avoided for tendays now, ever since it became clear that they’re no longer in immediate danger of turning into mind flayers. The answer itself is fairly obvious for them all, who would be alright under these circumstances? And Liv is tempted to force a smile, to be a good little Vires. 

“No,” she whispers. There’s something freeing in the admission, given to this stranger. She doesn’t want to interrogate why it is so much easier to admit this to someone she hardly knows instead of her friends. Her eyes burn so she takes another sip of her drink, keeping her gaze focused on the far wall. 

She has a tadpole in her head and everyone wants her to save the day, and she is falling in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same. She and her friends are flung into danger every day and today she has nothing to show for it, but scrapes and bruises and new nightmares to haunt her. Halsin keeps looking at her like she can help him break the curse on this fucking land…and the heroes in the books she’s read never mentioned the fucking anxiety that comes with all these people relying upon them. She’s not cut out for this.

After all, Astarion had looked at her and said to himself that she’d want power, no matter the cost…and is there something buried in her soul by her fucking family that she can’t smother no matter what how she tries? Sometimes her last name feels like a stain she can’t wash out.

“Oh shit,” Rowan says, offering her a handkerchief and pouring more of whatever she’s drinking into her glass. “I was really trying to help, not make things markedly worse.”

It’s then that Liv realizes she’s crying, tears streaming down her cheeks. It takes some effort, but she manages to slow her breathing down and get a hold of herself. Gods, she can’t remember the last time she cried, much less in front of someone else. “You’re very kind…I am so sorry. It’s just been…a bad day.”

Rowan nods, looking at her with concern. “Just…slow down. It’s alright.”

It’s not, but Liv is grateful for the assurance anyway. She can sit here and have a drink with a stranger and be perfectly normal. She’s sure of it. She takes a sip of her drink and nods. “You’re looking better than when I last saw you,” she attempts. 

Rowan snorts softly. “You mean when my insides were practically falling out of me?”

“Yeah…sorry.”

“Just lucky there are plenty of good and willing healers around,” Rowan says, and Liv doesn’t miss the way her gaze wanders to the door where Halsin sits vigil over the man who had somehow survived the Shadowfell. 

Isobel and Halsin and Shadowheart have magic that is actually useful; magic that actually helps people. “Very lucky,” she agrees.

“You know, at the risk of providing unsolicited advice…I often find that things look better in the morning. Nothing drains the hope out of a situation like being tired.” 

Liv nods. “You’re right.” She’s unlikely to find any answers at the bottom of this glass anyway.

“For what it’s worth, you’ve already done a lot for the people here. Don’t let whatever defeat found you today keep you down.”

Liv pushes up from the bar, her limbs heavy with exhaustion. “Thank you for the company.”

Rowan offers a smile. “Any time.” 

She wishes she had something more to offer than thanks. She worries over the interaction all the way back to her tent, as if admitting she’s not okay has opened up something, some vulnerability that everyone else will be able to see. It’s an old fear…and not very generous in the face of the kindness she received tonight. 

Their little encampment next to the inn is quiet, the fire has already burned down to the embers. She doesn’t want to see Astarion, but some part of her can’t resist glancing at his tent anyway. He’s not there. Which is just as well. She’s not sure what she’d say to him anyway. 

She glances up at the bright moon, at the shield Isobel keeps around this place, and tries to tell herself that all the hopes she carries aren’t misplaced. 

***

Astarion has spent a tedious hour hunting around Last Light for any creatures he can drink from. He’d managed to find a few small animals, and he tries to remind himself that he’s survived on far less and far worse, but it’s hard to remember because he’s hungry now . Besides, animal blood doesn’t hit quite the same now he’s had the blood of thinking creatures. 

But they’ve spent their days fighting shadows and trees and shadow-cursed zombies, and so he’s had to make due in other ways. He could ask Liv for blood; she’s been willing enough in the past, but there’s something about the fact they’ve slept together that changes everything about asking for her blood. He seduced her for safety, for security, asking for her blood in addition to that feels like taking far too much. 

He takes and he takes and he takes. Beyond the sketch she drew of him, he’s never taken anything from her that wasn’t already offered. And he’s not sure when it began to bother him, but it happened sometime between figuring out that the sadness in her eyes only truly disappears when she has something to offer someone and realizing that she never asks for a damn thing. He is well-versed enough in starvation to recognize it in another, but he can’t figure out what she could possibly be lacking. 

He sees her coming down from the inn towards their encampment. She’s pulling her long hair loose from the tight bun she keeps it in most days. She’s almost to her tent when he intercepts her, falling into step beside her. She jumps when she notices his presence. 

“Gods, don’t do that,” she says. “Where in the hells did you come from?”

“I was simply walking back to my tent. I can’t help that you’re unobservant.” He wants her to ask him where he’s been, so he can tell her about his less-than-successful hunt. Perhaps if she offers her blood it will feel less like taking. 

But she doesn’t. 

“Well, good night then,” she says without looking at him. He can smell the alcohol on her. She drinks little, so it is more than a little surprising. Warning bells are going off in his head. Something is wrong…off. Suddenly, this thing between them feels tremulous and fragile. 

“Are you upset with me?” he asks. Genuinely curious. She doesn’t seem the type to hold a grudge, but he’s been wrong about her before. 

She looks back at him, brow furrowed. “No, Astarion. I’m not upset with you.” The words are brittle things, but they don’t ring false. 

“A pity. I’ve been told I’m quite good at apologies,” pitching his voice down, filling it with dark promises. The sentiment isn’t true. He’s been told he’s good at groveling, and that’s not the same thing. But it’s a half-truth; it’s the only thing he seems to have to offer her.

She’s feeling distant, and something about that makes him want to grasp tighter to whatever this thing is he’s orchestrated between them. As if he could wrench back the simplicity, the surety he felt when he invited her to join him after the tiefling party. 

“I’m tired,” she says. It’s the truest thing she’s said so far, and it feels suddenly the most dangerous. 

She doesn’t want him. It’s the most freeing thing in the world, there’s a certain relief at her refusal, and yet some part of him is disappointed.

He doesn’t show it; instead, he smiles. “Well then, goodnight, my dear.”

She disappears into her tent without so much as a glance behind, and he is the one left there standing in the darkness, wondering what it was she actually needed this evening and why he couldn’t bring himself to ask. 

He had intended to twine himself so inextricably to her that the safety, the brightness, and the implicit trust she is afforded would fall easily on him too. And it has. The hope and expectations she was loaded up with the second she appeared at Last Light have followed him too. But it hasn’t filled up whatever lives inside him, whatever empty void is left of his heart. 

He’s startingly glad she turned down his company and simultaneously worried that he’s lost the only skill he’s ever had. He likes being in her presence, likes talking with her. She has an ability to listen when others talk in a way that makes him feel seen and heard. Who wouldn’t want her undivided attention when it feels like that?

And that’s all this is, isn’t it? An enjoyment of her attention. Nothing more. He tells himself that she’s getting just as much out of their little arrangement as he is, but even as he thinks it he’s not sure it’s true. 

Perhaps whatever has gone wrong today is simply a byproduct of their surroundings, of the general disquiet in this place. Perhaps tomorrow will be different, better. Perhaps she will keep offering him beautiful, impossible moments of comfort…and he will keep taking them. And perhaps it won’t bother him. 

[cherry-queens-blog]

Here's part 2 for you guys.

Warning: violence, blood, cussing

CHAPTER 2 CONFESSIONS & HURT

Gyutaro questions you. Are you really telling him what to do?. He listens anyways not taking his eyes off you. You feel like he staring into your soul and it really does scare you, his gaze being so unfriendly and haunting, it sends chills and fear through your body. Just take it slow and don't be stupid you say in your head trying to keep yourself as calm as you possibly can. You take a seat across from him, his gaze never leaving you, watching your every movement. Daki watches from a slight distance where she can't be noticed. She cares a lot about her brother but her main focus is on you at the moment, wanting to be on top of everything you're up to.

"So uhh... What's your name? "

You ask him as you pick up your chopsticks and take a bite of your food.

"Gyutaro"

He responds picking up the cup. The smell of blood filling his nose.

"I like it"

You say as you set your chop sticks down.

"I don't know.. But ever since I saw you I couldn't help but constantly think of how you look. Probably cause... "

You stop when you notice he's staring at you, listening to every word that spilled out of your pretty little mouth.

"Cause what? "

He snarks at you setting down the empty cup after drinking all the blood that was inside.

"Cause your different"

Gyutaro becomes more upset and you realized those words that flew out probably weren't the best choice for you to say as his expression went from sad looking turned to anger.

"Gyutaro I didn't mean it in a bad way I swear, I'm just saying your diff..."

Before you could finish your sentence you now find yourself not able to really breath, his tight grasp around your throat as he gets directly in your face, so close that both of your noses now touching each other. It just happened so fast, your heart felt like it dropped in your stomach, did you say something wrong? You didn't mean to offend him, maybe you worded it terribly? Maybe he just misunderstood what you were trying to say?. Your nerves were just on edge you didn't think it through clearly.

"You're just like all the rest you know"

He says. Daki watches feeling more upset with you now that you had upset her brother but she stays where she's at since he can deal with you easily and for good. His poison will kill you painfully and slowly which it's exactly what you deserve. Gyutaro watches as tears form in your eyes as you try to get him to let go.

"I will kill you surely, you are just a waste of time... I only did this for my sister"

He says as he brings out one of his sickles. You shake your head no as your heart races and fear takes a full on hold of you. He begins to laugh as you struggle to get free from his grasp.

"I really didn't want to dislike you, yet all you humans are just nothing but little helpless rats"

He states with a low giggle leaving his throat after his sentence. You shake your head no once again while digging your nails into his hand and arm, clawing at him but he would not budge. He squeezes a bit harder then throws you into a wall. You cough and gasp for air when suddenly you get kicked in the stomach. You hold your stomach as tears spill from your eyes.

"Gyutaro... *Cough*... Please... I didn't mean it like that. I... I LOVE HOW YOU LOOK DAMN IT.. I WANTED TO GET TO KNOW YOU, YOU'RE NOT LIKE THESE OTHER MEN. I FELT LIKE I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU WHEN I SAW YOU"

You scream at him trying to get the words out as fast as you could. He stops, now just staring down at you in disbelief not understanding what he is hearing right now. Are you really like the others? Did you really mean what you just said to him?

"Gyutaro please... Just one chance, I just worded it poorly... I... I was nervous, I'll do anything and everything for you that you demand, I'll be good for you and only you, please just one chance gyutaro"

You tell him as you cry. Your throat, stomach, and side hurt so bad. Gyutaro didn't know if he wanted to just laugh at you or what since he was stunned at what he just heard from your mouth.

"Why would I set all this up just to be mean? "

You ask. The question just echoed in his head as he stands there. You begin to try and get up but it hurt to. you stay on the ground for a moment longer as the demons gaze stared into you, questioning you in his mind. The silence was soon broken when he finally speaks.

"Are you really? What could you possibly find so interesting about me? You pathetic, weak, good for nothing"

He spits at you not understanding what the hell is going on. You look up at him with tears still falling from your face, his words hurt but so did your weak body after what he physically did to you but, you didn't want to give up on this, even after what he said and did to you.

"Gyutaro please.... Don't say such things"

You slowly start to get up again as the pain increases but you do your best to ignore it. You begin to take slow easy steps towards him but once you got close you to him you closed your eyes as you fall but, you didn't hit the ground. You open your teary eyes and look up to see he had caught you. He didn't know why he did it but he did. You put your arms around his neck and hold onto him, paying your head on his shoulder. Your tears fell crashing onto his skin, he just watches you do this. The feeling of each tear felt like small drips of rain crashing down onto his pale rough skin. They were warm, filled with pain and torment. He liked it but still felt unsure of this whole situation he is in right now. He really didn't want to like you, he could still feel himself craving to attack you more but couldn't. Why couldn't he? You are right there in bitting range, In his arms where he could squeeze you to death, right there where he could split open your back with his sickle and listen to you scream like it's a lullaby that could fill him with pleasure but, why couldn't he just do it? Why is he holding back so much now? Did he actually grow feelings for you? How will daki take this? So many questions that drown him, Blistering his mind, twisting it like a rag being ringed out after being held under water. His mind was clustered, all he could do was just hold you close to him dropping his sickle onto the wooden floor. Carefully he picks you up and sits on the hard floor setting you in lap and holding you close to his chest not letting go of you thinking of everything that happened again and again.

Daki watches in pure shock clenching her fists tightly. What the hell just happened? One moment he's trying to kill you now all of a sudden he's holding you?. Jealousy fills her and she leaves as morning starts to approach and you are now asleep in his arms. Gyutaro lays you down before he leaves to go back to daki.

[kowaindar0u]

//

so. post-reimei thoughts. probably some minor spoilers but nothing super shocking or important. also, i will warn, yuichi's been to... very dark places, emotionally/mentally that could be triggering. i'm not gonna write about it in detail or anything but just a heads up!

well, for one, i have such a love-hate relationship with the way tkrb is so vague/open-ended about a lot of things LOL like the possibilities are endless but i'm stupid and also i get stressed about "oh what if i make something that doesn't fit" so i get myself in a locked situation thought-wise which is STUPID because thats the POINT of it being WIIIDE OPEN SPAAACES yknow!!!! but brains are idiots unfortunately lol

.... that being said,,

i like the whole... "had inklings of spiritual sensitivity/power for a while before it fully manifested" thing. i'd been thinking that's how i'd go with yuichi as it's reminiscent of like... mutants in x-men LOL

and, the fact that if one has those inklings, it's possible to reach out to/be reached out to by a touken danshi in some manner? or, i wonder, perhaps even manifest a tsukumogami spirit from something by then?

So, i guess with all that in mind

yuichi's life was, like, just... very unremarkable LOL. I don't think anything immensely bad happened to him, nor did anything positive of particular note, yknow? but even the mundane tends to overwhelm him and always has, and by the time he was an adult, his anxieties had kept him from really, like, branching out, taking chances, making many close friends, leaving the house unless absolutely necessary for work, etc. He was heavily depressed and quite lonely, but he felt It was nobody's fault but his own.

Zooming in toward the end of his "regular human" life:

So. he's got himself into a pit--or maybe more like a trench-- of despair. His entire psyche just ached, and if he thought too hard about his life and existence he would just break down and cry or throw himself into a panic attack. He doesn't eat enough, and sleeps way too much, when he's not lying awake ruminating in self-deprecation.

And then... things just start getting loud. It's worse outside, which has him leaving the house even less. It's like a ringing in his ears, layered over what seems like whispers. He's pretty sure he's just finally going insane from only being with himself so much.

One day he decides to leave the house. He hasn't been able to work lately, all things considered, and so he's running out of time for basic needs, and he cannot find a way in which anything gets better. He wants to find some place quiet-- but it's hard. Memories, spiritual energy, etc are everywhere, after all.

By the time he gets to the pier, it's raining, and he's a mess. He had every intention of climbing over that railing and just giving up. He's gripping the metal bars and screaming internally at himself to just do it already, and --

A surge of...something racks his brain, and had he not been holding the railing he'd have probably dropped to the ground.

In front of him now, just over the railing, is what looks like... a rip in the air...? through it, he can see swirls of color rushing by.

Oh, he thinks. This is it. I've finally cracked. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is.

He's a little bit curious, even though he's telling himself this is just a hallucination or something. He's not even sure he can jump that far. But what does it matter? He came here to do that anyway.

So... he shakily clambers over the railing, takes in a deep breath, and jumps, reaching for that rip. Its edges seem to come to his hands instead, and he grabs on, somehow able to pull himself up and through the rip, and into the rushing tunnel of colors...

Only to get ran the fuck over by someone on a weird boat, ala the time travel sequence in hanamaru movie 1 !!

i don't know who it is atm but safe to say some poor toudan has to drag an unconscious yuichi onto his boat and bring him back to their citadel or the govt with him LOL

And from there... well, he learns everything he was hearing, was the result of latent spiritual abilities activating, and in his lowest, most distressed moment they sort of burst out, puncturing or pulling on the time-space pathway and making a hole... and the rest is history (pun intended)

maybe one day i'll write this out proper and add it to his bio. for now it's just gonna be in his tag cause i'm not very good at writing bios lol it's so awkward

ANYWAY i hope this made some kind of sense LOL?? and also that it isn't too depressing... he's better now... still plagued with depression and the gloominess but he is very loved <3 also after writing this it's so funny to me that he ... like... didn't really feel he had anything to go back to, so while as a formality there probably was a kind of ..."offer" of employment or whatever, and probably (definitely) some kind of rest period to make sure he was like... stable, lol... but other than that, he just kind of went from literally almost going off the deep end, to Saniwa

there was not really a "hmmm let me think about it and i'll get back to you" period he's just like "i think your confidence that i can do this is unearned but i don't really have a choice"