#nothing like blowing up a whole city on ur birthday

[stillmevalz]

Damn

I should have posted this on the boys' birthday 😔

Well never too late.

Happy belated birthday Vash & Knives!

🥳🎉💣🌃

[abiiors]

being on tour with them for ur birthday and there’s a show that day so everyone’s busy but ross goes out of his way to still make it special like maybe u go to breakfast just the two of u or wake up extra early to walk around whatever city in the world your in or just something. and so it’s nothing crazy or over the top romantic but he makes sure u feel appreciated and loved :)) (and maybe he tells matty to have the crowd shout happy birthday or something and embarrass u)

ps happy bday!!

god this is so adorableeee! also thank you 🥺💕

anyway yes, you know your birthday this year is going to be so hectic with all the travelling and the show that's happening on the day itself so you don't have much hopes of it being a Whole Big Deal. and you're okay with it because ross makes all 365 days of the year so special for you that having less than usual attention on your birthday this year is not something that you're upset about. plus you already are travelling the world with him, surrounded by your friends so it's not like the day will totally suck anyway. but then you mention this to him in passing and he is like OH HELL NO! he will hear absolutely nothing about you having a birthday that is less than stellar and even when you try to convince him that it's okay, you're happy that you're here in japan (not the canon timeline ik but that's the place i want) with him and that's good enough, he's like 'absolutely not! what do you mean good enough?? you need the best!' and you roll your eyes at him but you also can't stop the smile that makes its way onto your face.

anyway at the stroke of midnight, there's a ruckus outside your hotel room and ross looks at you with a very big grin on his face. you almost gently scold him for making them stay up so late when they've got a show but he is too busy picking you up and spinning you in a circle while singing happy birthday before another impatient knock sounds at the door. and as soon as ross opens the door, in comes matty with a soft sleepy smile on his face, rubbing his eyes a bit. followed by george carrying a beautiful cake. followed by adam carrying a few bags of presents. and you instantly want to burst into tears at how they still found the time for this even when everything is so chaotic but everyone gives you a lil hug and sings happy birthday while you blow out the candles and cut the cake (matty definitely goes full singer, ross asks if he should pull out his bass, george has already started finger drumming on the table while hann plays air guitar) anyway you fuck around for like 20 minutes, opening the presents and eating cake and drinking just a bit of wine/champagne before you kick them out because 1) they need rest and 2) you need ross (👀👀)

SO ANYWAY the morning after you're there lying content, half naked and still half asleep in his arms, and he keeps kissing your face every two seconds telling you how much he loves you until both your stomachs start growling and it's inevitably time to head out. you're under the impression that you're just grabbing breakfast at the hotel restaurant but he's practically bouncing on his heels announcing that he saw the cutest cafe and he wants to take you there so of course you quickly hop into the shower and put on your super cute outfit of the day before you leave the hotel, hand in hand just leisurely walking the streets and pointing at new things, laughing about silly stuff etc until you reach the cafe. it is super cute! just like he said with adorable pink and white furniture and ross, the giant that he is, dwarfs the chair which you find hilarious and makes you launch into a 2 minute laughing fit while he tries to sit there with a straight face. anyway once you've calmed down, you both stuff your faces with very VERY fluffy pancakes and a bunch of other things. since you're so full, you decide to keep on walking and stroll around for a bit until it comes up to around 11 at which point you know you need to get back to the hotel because the guys need to leave soon for sound checks and other pre-show prep. ross is all 'sorry i am going to have to leave you now because of everything else :(' and he genuinely feels bad for not being able to shower you with attention all day long but you shut him up with a kiss before telling him that being here with him is more than enough and that you simply can't wait to dress up and go watch the show. also you've already made plans to go out for a nice dinner the next day when they don't have a show. but he's still like 'your birthday's not tomorrow, it's today!! and i can't believe you're gonna spend it here alone till the show starts :((' and you have to tell him at least three times that you really do want to have a nice relaxing day and that you have a spa appointment booked at the hotel before he reluctantly leaves.

as evening approaches, you excitedly get ready and text him when you're about to leave and he responds instantly with a 'can't wait for tonight. love you xx' which is a bit suspicious but you figure he's running around, only half-focused on the text. anyway you're engulfed in a massive hug as soon as you get there followed by him asking you to give him a twirl so he can properly see what you're wearing. and he asks all about your day, listening intently while cuddling you close and being sickeningly sweet which you absolutely bask in before it's time for them to go on stage. as always they are all simply electric! and you don't even realise how easily time flies until it's literally right before their last song before matty starts speaking into the mic. at first you think it's just a part of the show so you take this time to drool over your man looking sweaty and undone until you hear the words "birthday" and "special friend" in one sentence and snap your attention back to matty who's looking at you sitting at the side of the stage. even ross has a wide cheeky grin on his face as the first notes of the crowd singing happy birthday fall on your ears. it's weirdly touching because they can't even see you and yet you hear the love in their voice so you mouth a 'thank you' at matty who extends it to the crowd and look at ross just in time to see him blowing you a sneaky lil kiss and laughing at your flaming face <3

[spinster-sisters]

ohh okay! so to kick it off, can we get ateez members’ reactions to their very successful partner taking them to a company party like their trophy wife/husband/partner — not in a derogatory way tho!! but just like,, flaunting the members around and going on about how handsome and hardworking and amazing they are, even though everyone’s attention should be on their partner in that big event?

This is very different from the stuff I normally write but honestly I had so much fucking fun doing it. Like genuinely this made me smile like an idiot the whole time.

-

Hongjoong:

It's ur birthday or sum shit, but here's the dealio, he had some big work promotion at some smaller company. Most people haven't heard of it and it's nothing like the major corporation you work for so most people there just think of him as your trophy husband cuz he's so good-looking. while the party and presents were for you, you just could stop bring up how proud you were of him. He would immediately shut it down every time you brought it up, "yeah thank baby, I appreciate it. Hey, guys don't you think my baby is beautiful tonight?" Just won't let it distract from your attention no matter how much you bring it up. He doesn't think that he should be praised for doing what he should be doing. It's a nice sentiment and it makes him giggle but he wishes you would just let the guests congratulate you.

Seonghwa:

It's some work party on your behalf at your home. And Seonghwa planned the whole thing. Your not gonna deny you were just looking for a hot husband with social perks (read: rich parents and rich friends) but after meeting Seonghwa you genuinely fell so hard and so fast for how humble he was despite his wealthy upbringing, and you wanted to work even harder to provide him with the lifestyle he had always had at home. And he is happy to fulfill his house husband role for his doting partner. So yall are just happy and in love. Everyone at the party is your coworker and honestly, he would probably have just been your arm candy under any other circumstances, except you keep reminding people how great of a job he did getting everything set up. From a 5-star catering company to a live band, to imported wine from somewhere fancy, the whole thing took him weeks to put together and you will be dammed if he doesn't get the recognition for a job well done. He takes the praise blushing and mumbles quiet thank yous to all you and all guests who praise him, but he leaves it at that. If they ask him questions about the things around him he will keep his answers short and minimal yet polite before slipping away. Despite planning it, it isn't his party and he wants to keep it that way.

Yunho:

it's actually your friend's launch party for something or other. But you had a fair amount to do with the starting of the company as an investor and your friend had wanted to honor you as much as her. But here's the thing. Yunho's also pretty fucking cool, he doesn't have a permanent job, instead, he bounces around to all kinds of random things to keep himself entertained instead of just being at home all the time. the entire fucking time you're like "oh but have you heard what Yunho's been up to lately." He tries to one-up you with praise. Every time you say something cool he does, he brings up something cool you have done. And it just gets more and more intense as the night goes on to the point where the other giggles just fucking giggle cuz yall are so obvious in love.

Yeosang:

Yalls wedding is gonna be the social event of the year. You both come from very prominent families, but Yeosangs family got their money from fame not business. So when yall got engaged there was quite a bit of gossip about how "real" the relationship even was. Who the "throphy" was would change based on who you asked and it was getting annoying reading all the headlines. It was your wedding shower, and it was no secret that most of the people there were there for you and not him, but he couldn't care less. People kept coming up to you trying to talk business, and you were endlessly shutting them down because this was a day for both you and your soon to be husband, not for social climbers to try and get on your good side. The wonderful thing about Yeosang however is how much he can read you emotions even when you are trying to hide them. His course of action was simple. You both just fucking leave. You both had already talked to your actual friends and at a certain point you couldn't be bothered to keep up appearances with people who didn't respect both of you equally. So you left. Probably went and got some food in your cocktail attire. Much better use of time anyway.

San:

You're some kind of model or something. So it's like fashion week. So the whole time u have cameras shoved in your face and are being followed everywhere you go. But ur mans San is also incredibly beautiful, so you play a little game where whenever you go out all you do is put on sweats and a hoodie and you bring him out with him dressed in full fashion week regalia so the photographers are fucking confused who they are supposed to be taking pictures of. He thinks it's funny ao he plays along, wearing whatever you put him in and posing dramatically for literally every photo he can. You two go through the posted photos absolutely howling at them all night.

Mingi:

Your some big-time producer and Mingi is this like an underground rapper. Yall have been together long before you ever made it big and back before you got the job you lived almost exclusively off Mingi's part-timejob. But now the turntables have flipped and he can live mostly of your income allowing him to focus on his music and yall wouldn't have it any other way. But here's the shit. Some dopey fucking pop star you produce for comes over for dinner and makes a "joke" about mingi being a freeloader and you get so fucking petty. Especially after seeing Mingi's dejected face. So basically you help mingi produce a professional track and release it legitimately and not just on SoundCloud or in some shitty nightclub, and it fucking blows up way more than the other person music ever did and you just do nothing but talk up how amazingly talented Mingi is to your boss and he gets signed after the other person is dropped from the label. It's a great time.

Wooyoung:

Allow me to paint you a picture(this is a pun just wait for it.) Your an artist 😃 and Wooyoung is your husband and your muse. Almost everything you paint is either of him or reminds you of him. And your opening this big art exhibit and it's just this super fancy cocktail party with all the art snobs in the city and of course you bring him. As soon as yall walk in people immediately notice he's the guy in all the paintings and you're just like "yes isn't he stunning" and he's like "yes I am stunning" he's only half kidding. Whenever you go on and on to some art blogger about your muse he just sits there drinking it in with a smirk on his face, occasionally adding things like how you owe your success to his beautiful face. In that case, he's completely kidding cuz he knows damn well your talented enough to make anything beautiful with or without him.

Jongho:

ima say you married rich. You didn't have much growing up but Jongho has done nothing but spoil you. Despite the fact he came from a big business family, singing has always been his passion. When you begin to work in his father's company you rise through the ranks alarmingly quick due to your skill. It's some party for your father in laws retirement and everyone coming up to you betting your gonna be the next CEO. Here the thing though, Jongho left the company not long after you joined, so he could pursue singing and most people there haven't seen him since then and they keep giving him side-eyes, clearly thinking he threw his life away and he's just gonna be your "trophy husband" for the rest of his life. Not on your watch homie. You expected this so you and your supper supportive father-in-law set aside time for him to perform to the whole room and you're standing there all proud and satisfied as all your coworkers are dumbfounded at his amazing talent.

[asherjhemmings]

( MATTHEW DADDARIO + CISMALE ) —  Have you seen ASHER HEMMINGS ? This TWENTY-EIGHT year old is a MUSIC PRODUCER who resides in BROOKLYN. HE has been living in NYC for TEN YEARS, and is known to be OUTGOING and ALLURING, but can also be ARROGANT and SELF SERVING, if you cross them.  People tend to associate them with SCATTERED SHEET MUSIC ON A MARBLE FLOOR and GOLDEN BAR CARTS LITTERED WITH EXPENSIVE LIQUOR. — ( haley, 21, she/her, triggers: eating disorders & self harm, est )

hello all !! i’m haley and i’ve been roleplaying since i was like eleven but i just came back to tumblr rp a year ago and that just so happened to be with my baby asher, so happy anniversary to him being a muse <3

i’ve boiled his bio down into some bullet points because it used to be so fuckin long and i’m sure nobody read it so here it is condensed into just the basics

basics:

name: asher julien hemmings

nicknames: ash, aj

age: 28

hometown: cambridge, ma

currently living: brooklyn, ny

education: high school diploma, degree in music production from nyu

birthday: april 13th

zodiac: aries

sexual orientation: bisexual

tattoos: ** doesn’t have a neck tattoo like alec in shadow hunters lol but he has mad tattoos, two full sleeves

aesthetic: pinterest

before nyc (tw: alcoholism, abuse, prison)

asher was what some holier than would call a miracle or what other would more harshly call an accidental pregnancy. 

his father owned a low-life club in the city, known for mistreating employees and sneaky business behind the scene. some speculated that the operation of the club was to simple launder drug money, however that is a far different story. 

his mother began working at the club around her twenty-seventh birthday and took on a position as an exotic dancer. she never quite had a set career path, often working odd jobs until it lead her to the intimidating world of stripping.

asher’s father took a liking to her, in the same way he took a liking to most females that got hired at the establishment whether it be a guest or an employee. however, unlike the other, he got her pregnant.

their relationship was toxic from the beginning. seeing as the relationship was forced for the sake of their child, they didn’t get along great. cops were constantly called to their apartment during 2am screaming matches, a lot of nights spent with one of them on the couch. but it wasn’t bad enough for one of them to leave, but it wasn’t good enough for one of them to say i love you.

asher was born on a rainy day in the spring and came into the world with a smile on his face. the nurses even joked he looked like a young frank sinatra with the way he slyly smirked. 

but the smile didn’t always stay on his face. as he grew up, he saw the repercussions of staying with someone out of convenience rather than love. while his mother fell in love with him and hand crafted her maternal instincts to excellency, his father developed a love for whisky and coming home late from work. 

despite what they once thought, a child didn’t fix things. in his father’s worsening condition, he began to get violent. it started off aggressively verbal until it matured into a far more physical act. at first it was just asher’s mother taking the brunt of the abuse. but as asher began to get older, it wasn’t uncommon for him to a victim on the lashing too. 

it wasn’t until child protective services got involved after asher in seventh grade came to school with bruises that anyone was even aware of what he was enduring. asher’s father was sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for domestic abuse & parental negligence.

the abuse had made asher timid moreso than it made him aggressive. so when he and his mother moved in with his grandparents, he was hesitant around his grandfather at first. his grandfather tried to form a relationship with him doing everything from playing board games to watching television or going mini-golfing.  nothing seemed to be able to break through asher’s timid exterior.

this was until one day his grandfather caught him plucking at the keys on their grand piano and offered to teach a young asher how to play. music was the first thing they truly bonded over and within a year, asher was playing better than most people can in a lifetime. 

once moving in with his grandparents, his mother wasn’t around much. she was always with her latest boyfriend or with her friends. asher didn’t mind though, he enjoyed cooking with his grandmother or strumming a guitar with his grandfather.

in high school, asher became a punk. he strived in all social groups due to his charisma. he excelled with the music kids, got in with the burnouts, even was cool enough to hang around with the popular kids. teachers loved him despite not being the best student. it was impossible to hate him.

his music teacher wrote him his letter of recommendation to study at nyu. he never saw himself going to college but he was excited to reinvent himself.

in nyc (tw: alcoholism)

during his years at nyu, asher began to reinvent himself. he was no long timid or the least bit shy. he was suave and slick, getting along with almost everyone he came into contact with.

unfortunately when some many people love you, after a while, it begins to get to your head.  it was no surprise to people when asher began to get arrogant and cocky about his musical abilities. but one thing he had to fake confidence with was who he was as a person.

asher didn’t like himself, hence why new york was such a turning point for him. deep down, he believed he didn’t deserve love or his success. but when he started getting praise for his music producing abilites all of that changed.

classmates were intimidated by him and professors were undoubtedly impressed with the way in which he could perfect a beat or make a hit simply experimenting. asher liked the attention, lived for the applause he’d get at the end of a presentation. the love others had for him inflated his ego but also drove him to success.

after graduating at twenty-two, asher moved to an apartment in brooklyn and immediately began interning at a record label. he didn’t necessarily like what he was doing, truly believing that he was too good to be there most days.

but even as an intern he excelled and at the age of twenty-five, he bought his own music production company that houses over twenty studio spaces for artists to record. 

in three years, not much has changed. except his bank account has quadrupled, he’s moved from a shoebox to a villa.. oh, and he’s developed a bit of a drinking problem.

drinking started off a social thing for asher. a few beers at a college party here and there seemed to be the beginning of it. then it was shots, and then getting black out at parties and not remembering much of anything. being surrounded by famous artists in his career only made this habit worse. he was drinking to wake up in the morning, in the studio, before bed and repeat. 

nobody knows much about his blossoming alcoholism but it’s quickly beginning to fester and consume him. but he’s pretty good at hiding behind the tortured artist facade.  

personality:

asher is the epitome of smiling and rolling your eyes in the same instance. he’s charming and goofy in the same line and doesn’t miss a beat.

super flirty. will flirt w u. and ur friend. and ur friend’s significant other. that’s just how he is. 

loves verbal sparring, the certified king of it

why is he always smoking a cigarette? nobody knows

can be an asshole, will most likely get you to yell at him and then laugh and tell you that you’re the one being ridiculous 

Indecisive af

a ride or die for his friends, literally would kill for a buddy

wanted connections:

ex girlfriend or boyfriend: asher’s been in nyc for ten years so he’s definitely tried to get serious ab someone by now. their relationship was for sure super toxic. let’s plot.

college roommate: someone who went to nyu and has watched asher’s success absolutely blow up. someone who pulled him drunk out of parties and threw him their dorm’s cold shower. give me disappointed friends vibes or a strained relationship !! anything !!

half-brother:  as far as asher knows, he’s an only child. his father was an alcoholic who often had affairs with the girls who worked at his clubs in boston or were in the city on business. it is no surprise that something came from his late night rendezvous. asher’s not the warmest person, especially when it comes to his negligent father. will anything come of the brothers sharing the city streets? or will they simply turn a cold shoulder to one another? 

assistant: asher is a famous music producer with his own recording studio in manhattan. he and his personal assistant spend a lot of time together. this connection is pretty open ended so asher could be their mentor if they’re musically inclined but they could also be confidants, best friends, frenemies, potential love interest, fwb, up to you!!

ride or die: this man needs to have some friends who put him in his place plz, he’s a whole ass disaster

music friends: self explanatory 

fwb/ex-flings: this man is so flirty if he hasn’t messed around w u he’s messed around w someone u know. give me angst. give me missed connections. give me unrequited. give me friendzone. give me anything. 

[h-styles-babes]

No Control | Chapter Twenty-Two

Summary: 

Micky Bennett: college student, loyal friend, aspiring nurse, One Direction fan, Harry Styles enthusiast. Her best friend, Trevor, wins tickets to a show in New Jersey with meet and greet passes. Micky expects a quick photo op with the boys and a great night at the concert with her best friend. What she gets a whole lot more than she bargained for.

*This chapter marks the beginning of Part Two of the No Control series.*

To read previous chapters, you can go here.

*Please feel free to reblog and send feedback. It’s much appreciated :)*

TWENTY-TWO

February 2016

The air is crisp as it blows through the open windows of the flat. Los Angeles is already warm in the spring time, but the mornings are still a bit chilly from the temperature drop overnight. The sun is beaming in as well, making the space cozy and absolutely perfect for my one day off this weekend. 

Trevor and I are sat side by side on the sofa, mindlessly watching episodes of Botched, a favourite of ours that runs marathons before new episodes every Sunday. Trev and I only ever have Sundays off together, so this is usually what we do all day, with the occasional pop down to the center of the city to do some sightseeing or messing about. We’ve only been in California for a little less than three months, having moved at the end of December when I finished my final semester at NYU. Trev made the decision to transfer after I got the job offer at the children’s hospital and started up at USC in the spring. 

“I’m hungry,” he announced one an advert starts. I look over at him, where he’s slouched in only a pair of trackies and his classes perched on his nose, hair a mess. I’m not much better in my knickers and a t-shirt with the NYU logo on it, and knee high black socks to keep my feet warm on the cool hardwood floors, hair up in a half-arsed bun.

“Then eat some cereal,” I suggest.

“I want a breakfast sandwich, though,” he whines. “From that little donut shop down the street.”

“Then get your arse up and go get one.”

“I got them last Sunday!” he protests. 

I roll my eyes and heave myself off the couch, something the steals my breath these days. “Fine, but you’re paying for them. My paycheck doesn’t deposit until tomorrow,” I remind him.

He nods and beams at me as a thanks for walking the few blocks to the shoppe. “There’s a twenty on my dresser. Thanks, babes!”

I trek into my room and pull on the first things that touch my fingers. Cut off shorts and a black jumper with the words ‘but ur not harry styles’ printed on the front in white—which would have caused me a lot more heartache a few months ago than the short, stabbing twinge I get now—that Trevor got me as a joke for my birthday in October (only days before my life had turned into an actual shit show). I take my hair out of the bun and pull on a maroon Yankees cap to try to tame the mess on my head as best as I can. Trevor’s twenty is right where he said it was, so I snatch it up quickly and pocket it along with my phone before slipping on my Vans at the front door.

“You want the regular?” I ask, nearly falling over standing on one foot.

“Careful,” Trev urges, shooting me a concerned glance. “And yes. If James is there, he’ll know what I want.” We’ve only lived here for a few months, and Trevor’s already got the guys working at this donut place memorising his orders.

“Alright. Anything else? Coffee?”

“Yeah, medium iced, please.”

“Got it. Be back in a mo’,” I announce, grabbing my set of keys off the counter before exiting the flat.

The shoppe is only a four block trip down from our flat, so it’s about a ten minute walk, foot traffic willing. On Sunday mornings, this area doesn’t tend to get too busy, especially before noon. It’s also slightly off the beaten path from the center of the city, straying into the Beverly Hills area, so tourists don’t really come out this way, unless they’re itching to get a look a celebrity.

The sun is a bit hotter than I anticipated, so I roll the sleeves of the jumper up to my elbows and continue on, smiling when I see that James is standing at the counter, chatting with a lady I see in there every so often. Her kids are sat nearby at a table, waiting patiently for their mum to bring back their donuts and chocolate milk.

There’s two people ahead of me in line, so I play around on my phone, taking my turn for a game that I’m playing with Georgie. The time difference makes getting back to each other in a timely manner a bit difficult, but, seeing as it’s already mid afternoon in England, I should get a play back rather quickly.

The bell jingles behind me as I step up in line to order. I don’t bother to look over my shoulder, almost certain it was the little family leaving since I saw them vacate their table only a few moments before.

James smiles at me and greets me like an old friend. At the rate we visit this place, he’ll be round our flat for dinner invitations and game nights in no time. Trev’s got a bit of a crush on him, since he really is a good-looking lad, but I can definitely tell that he isn’t gay. He flirts with me way too much for him to be into Trevor, no matter how many times I’ve made it painfully obvious that I’m in no position to be dating anyone right now.

“Hey, Micky, how’re you doing?” he asks, and a person behind me startles out a cough. I jump a little as I look over the menu, having not thought there was anyone behind me. “You alright, man?” James asks, brow furrowed in concern. The person must answer in the affirmative, because James focuses back on me. 

“I’m good, enjoying my day off. Trev demanded a breakfast sandwich, so here I am,” I shrug, smiling at him.

“The regular, I’m assuming, then?” he asks with a chuckle.

I nod. “Yeah, Trev said you’d know. I want the same.”

“I can do that. Anything else?”

I play with the ring on my middle finger, something I haven’t removed even when all I wanted to do was scream at the person who gave it to me in a fit of anger. I have a feeling I won’t take it off until my fingers swell too much to keep it on comfortably. It means too much to me. It’s about the only reminder I have that that time in my life actually happened and wasn’t just some vivid dream—aside from all his band tees that sit in a drawer of my dresser and the ring on my right thumb.

“Trev wants a medium iced coffee, but that’s it.”

James types in the order on the register, and I see his eyes flicker to where I’m fidgeting on the counter. “That ring is really pretty,” he comments. He tells me the total before continuing. “I’m afraid to ask if they’re real diamonds.” He chuckles a little uncomfortably.

I look down at the ring that’s shaped like a tiara, that same twinge squeezing at my heart. I chuckle a little sadly before nodding. “They are. A friend bought it for me a while ago while we were in London. Harrod’s.”

His eyes widen as he takes my offered money. “Isn’t that, like, a luxury store?”

“Yeah, they sell a lot of designer stuff. Real expensive shit. Nearly have a heart attack every time I read a price tag in there,” I joke.

“No kidding,” he mutters. He counts out my change and hands it to me. “I’ll bring you your food when it’s ready.”

“Thanks, mate,” I say with a nod, moving out of the way for the person behind me. I go to find a seat at a two-person table, not wanting to tae up too much space.

My phone dings with a game notification as soon as I sit, letting me know that Georgie played. I see her move and groan when she racks up another thousand points. I’m absolute shit at this game, and I don’t even know why I put myself through the torture of playing against her. I just end up losing every time.

A throat clears right beside me, and I can sense the presence of someone from the corner of my eyes. “Just a mo’, mate,” I say, since I haven’t finished my go and I’m running out of time. I’ll be damned if I let some stranger mess up my chance of winning against Georgie for once. 

“Just wanted to say I like your jumper.”

My thumbs freeze on the screen as I ear that voice again. A voice that I haven’t heard apart from videos and the radio for far too long. A voice that has my heart re-splitting in my chest and my stomach bursting out in a round of butterflies that feel way too much like nausea for me to be comfortable. I didn’t know what type of hold this man still had on me until this moment, and it is quite an unpleasant, yet totally expected, realization.

He pulls out the chair across from me as I remain speechless. He looks the same as he did when I last saw him face to face, back in August. Except he looks well rested, which is the opposite of how my last several months have been—and how my foreseeable future will be. He has his hair up in a bun today with a beanie over it, hiding his hair. His eyes are darting over my face, and I feel my throat constricting at the overwhelming emotion of being in his presence again after the complete radio silence over the last several months. I’m also praying to whatever god will hear me that he keeps his eyes on my face.

My phone dings, letting me know I’ve run out of time for my turn, and I’m not looking forward to telling Georgie why I wasn’t able to play this round. She’s going to shit a brick and then probably fly out to LA in the middle of her term just to rant and possibly hunt him down to kick his ass.

I feel my lips twitch to keep in the frown wanting to form on my face, my eyes filling with tears. I don’t know what to say to him or if I’ll even be able to form coherent words. All I can do is stare in the face of the man that broke my heart so quickly and easily, like it meant nothing to him. 

His face is just beginning to blur as the tears threaten to fall when James comes over with my back of food and the cup of iced coffee. I thank him quietly as I pocket my phone and grab my items, getting up so quickly from the chair that the legs screech against the linoleum floor. I push past James, a little upset that I’ve acted poorly toward him, but needing to get out of there as soon as possible. The bell clangs violently on the door as I throw it open, halfway to the nearest crosswalk by the time I hear it bang shut.

I’m stabbing at the button to get the light to change when I hear him come up behind me.

“Micky!” he calls. I can hear his shoes quickly approaching on the pavement. I’d make a dash for it across the street, but the flow of traffic is heavy and I don’t feel like actually dying any time soon. It may be a better option right now, than talking to him, but I’m a big girl and can ignore my problems when they’re looking me in the face with the best of them. It’s what I’ve been doing for a while now.

“Mick,” he breathes out. I keep my back to him, hoping if I blatantly ignore him, while hiding the majority of me, for long enough he’ll get the hint. Unfortunately, I know him, and I know he doesn’t give up easily.

Except when it comes to me, of course. So maybe I’ll get lucky.

“Mick,” he tries again. I feel his large hand wrap around my shoulder, and I immediately shrug it off.

“Go away, Harry,” I demand, my voice shaky and less intimidating than I want it to be.

“Mick, I haven’t seen or heard from you in months,” he says, sounding like he’s pleading a bit.

The light changes at the crosswalk. I trudge off the curb and throw a “Yeah, well you made sure of that, didn’t you?” over my shoulder as I do a half-run across the street. I’m way too out of breath by the time I’m only a quarter way there, but I power through it.

I want him to stay back on the other side of the road, but I feel him beside me as I continue on the other side. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Changed your number, didn’t you? Called one day and suddenly the number I was calling was unavailable.”

He groans. “I had to get a new number for security reasons. New phone, too. Lost your number in the midst of it.”

“That’s fine, Harry. I don’t want to talk about it. Actually, I just want to go home, eat my breakfast, and watch mindless reality telly for the rest of the day. So, if you don’t mind….”

We’re only half a block from my flat now, and I’ve never felt less thankful that I live so close to the beloved little donut place. I don’t necessarily want Harry knowing where I live, and I was banking on him giving up a long time ago.

“Mick, I’ve missed you, you have to know that,” He pleads, reaching out for my shoulder again. “I never meant to hurt you. I would never do that.”

“I don’t care anymore, Harry,” I tell him, digging in my pocket for my key to the gate when we come up to my building.

“Then why do you still wear the rings?” he asks pointedly.

I finally turn to face him, glaring and cradling the bag and drink to my chest. He looks a little taken aback at the fury I’m sure he sees in my expression. “Because they’re all I have left of you, Harry. Believe me, I wanted to burn them in a fit of rage, but Trev talked me down more than once.”

“Why were you so angry with me? I don’t understand. You had Paul’s number. And Grimmy’s. You could have gotten to me if you wanted to.”

“You think I didn’t try that?” I ask. “Every time I tried someone new, all I got was, ‘He’s busy. He’ll get back to you when he can,’” I say, imitating Paul’s thick accent. “But guess what? That never fucking happened, Styles.”

His brows furrow, dipping low on his forehead. “What? They never told me you called.”

I shrug. “I’m sure your management had something to do with that. Never liked me after the media got wind of us together. You could have just as easily gotten ahold of me. Grimmy had my number, too, yeah?”

“Mick—“

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it. Go have fun with your super model girlfriend and your trips to exotic islands on fancy yachts. You’re none of my business anymore. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with that lifestyle, anyway. Now, you’re raising my blood pressure, and I have specific orders not to do that.” I mutter the last part under my breath, thankful he seems to be clueless still and not wanting to draw attention to anything amiss.

“You know about Kendall?”

I roll my eyes. “The whole bloody world knows about Kendall Jenner, you dolt. Couldn’t fucking escape it even when I wanted to. It was the shitty topper to my already shitty year.”

“You have to know that didn’t mean anything to me. It was just a short holiday with friends.”

I scoff. “You mean how we were just friends and fucked each other for a week straight? And you mean to tell me those photos of you with your tongue down her throat were faked? Yeah, alright.” I want to laugh at how ridiculous he sounds, but I don’t have it in me to laugh right now.

“My family was there. It wasn’t like that.”

“You have all your flings meet your family, then?”

“Micky, I told you, you w—“

“Weren’t a fling,” I finish with a nod, cutting him off. “Yeah, see, you said that, but look where we are now. Kinda makes it hard to take your word for it. You also said we’d figure something out, and here I am, in February, not having spoken to you since September. I’m kinda over believing what you say.”

He growls in frustration and takes my face in his hands, his hold gentle for all the pent up emotion I see in his eyes. “Micky, knock it off.”

I scowl at him and move to jerk my face away. “Oh, fuck off.” Except my attempt to rear back from him is stopped by his hand sliding to the back of my neck and drawing me closer to him, pressing our fronts together. 

I can see the moment on Harry’s face when he realizes something is out of the ordinary between us, aside from the food I’m still holding. His eyebrows pull together in the center and his mouth drops open. His eyes take on a stormy quality, the light in them dimming slightly as some sort of connections are made in his head. I feel his grip tighten on my neck. I try to scramble back a bit to try to rectify this situation, but I’m pretty much pressed up against the gated entrance of our building.

“Harry…” I begin in a warning. “How ‘bout we take this inside, yeah?”

His eyes narrow, looking nearly as menacing as I’ve ever seen him. “Got something to tell me, Micky?”

I swallow past the lump in my throat noisily. “I think you already know the answer to that.”

His nostrils flare and he takes his hands off of me, taking a step back. “Let’s go. I’ve got some shit to say that doesn’t really need an audience.” He nods his head to the side where a few people are lingering on the other side of the gate, looking at Harry and I curiously. I’ve got nosy neighbors, and he’s right. 

So I nod and turn, finally gripping my keys in my hands and getting them into the lock. Harry, though he’s obviously angry, takes the bag and drink kindly, freeing my hands. I make sure the gate closes behind him and escort him to the stairs that’ll take us to my flat. He’s quiet as he follows behind me, probably seething, but I’m too scared to turn around and check for myself. 

I hear the commentary of the patients on the telly, and Trev pops up into a sitting position when he hears the door open.

“Thought you might’ve got lost,” he teases, eyes still trained on the screen before him. “Took you a while.”

“Uh…” I trail off, dropping my keys in the bowl on the counter. 

Trev finally turns around as the show cuts to the adverts, just as Harry closes the door to the flat. Trevor’s teasing smile drops off his face when he sees the man behind me.

“Oh shit,” he breathes out, eyes trained on Harry as he takes his beanie off and sets the food down on the counter. He throws a nod to Trevor, a slight smile on his face but otherwise still upset. “Oh…shit!” Trev’s eyes widen in realization as they shoot over to me.

I just clear my throat and nod. “Yeah.”

“Uh…” Trevor drags out, eyes darting between me and Harry, who are standing awkwardly by the front door. I can feel the anger radiating in waves off of him, but I know the type of cool exterior he can keep. His face is blank and the only sign of distress is the stiff set of his shoulder. I know Trevor can sense it, though, and he hops up from the couch. “Well, good seeing you, Harry. I’m sure you and Mick wanna talk, so I can either stay here and you can go to her room or I can go to mine and you two can stay out here.”

“I think Micky’s room would be best,” Harry admits. I think the same thing, since I’m sure there’s some yelling to be done that’s best to be done behind closed doors.

“Cool, cool,” Trev nods, grabbing the bag of food and his drink. “I’ll just watch…a war movie or something. Really loud. You two go chat.”

“Thanks, Trev,” I mutter, dragging my feet to my room. I hear Harry trail behind me, his boots clicking against the wood floors. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” he offers.

“Will do.”

“And remember, Styles: You hurt my best friend, I hurt you. I like you, man, but I will not hesitate to kick your ass. I don’t care who you are.” He says it with a smile on his face, but there’s an edge to his gaze that I know is completely serious.

Harry’s eyes flicker with some sort of emotion and his mouth softens at the edges a bit. “Wouldn’t dream of hurting her, mate.”

Trev looks at him for a long moment before nodding his head once resolutely. “Good.”

TWENTY-THREE

[s3venpounds]

1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out. 

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on. 

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time. 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever? 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”