#nothing lasts as long as RQ does and i wish it did i want to love something new in the same way i love RQ

[aerticent]

sometimes i get really sad that the thing ive been fixated on for years now is RQ… i feel like im working with scraps all the time. I wish my favorite thing was something with an overwhelming amount of canon content:((

[ethereaiin]

2B likes to carry Reader but doesn't like to admit it?

changed your rq a bit since i wanted some comfort fluff. also this reignited my motivation to write for my nier fic so thanks <3

features; you and 2B + some bonus 9S.

[au]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Being the only human left in the world meant a lot of things.

The weight of responsibility weighed heavily on your shoulders. There was never a day that went by you weren’t reminded of how precious your life was and how losing it meant the end of humanity. The androids you’ve come to know and love never let you forget that fact. You were their salvation; their hope and most of all, their most cherished person.

2B was especially fond of you. While she was reserved with her emotions, opting to use actions to display her care, you knew that she held a soft spot for you. She treated you as if you were the most delicate thing in the world; like the slightest harm against you would break you completely. Compared to an android, of course you were weaker. Yet 2B was maybe a little too cautious.

“Is this really necessary?”

You say with a slight pout as 2B lifts you from the ground and you immediately wrap your arms around her neck. At this point, she’s done it so many times that it felt more like an instinctual habit rather than something you did to ensure you wouldn’t fall. Knowing her, it was unlikely she’d ever let you slip through her grasp. Her wary nature wouldn’t allow it.

At this point, you were somewhat used to the coldness of an android’s body. They were different from humans and they didn’t possess the natural heat you exuded. When you clung to her, it felt no different from any other person, yet the lack of warmth was like a gentle reminder. Nothing here was the same as you remembered it to be and the beings that you were surrounded with on a daily basis that appeared so human were, in fact, anything but.

2B makes no verbal sound of irritation at your question and she answers you as diligently as she always does. “Of course. We can’t afford you getting sick or hurt.”

Though she rarely ever spoke with emotion, you could still hear the tinge of concern in her voice. It only made the heat in your cheeks feel especially warmer. “A-At least let me ride on your back! You can’t fight like this with me here!”

“You’re fine right where you are.”

Your lips part to protest but quickly close when you recall the promise you made to her earlier that day. It was her condition that if you were to roam about the city, you needed to listen to everything she told you to do. No matter how you felt about it. Even if it was a little embarrassing.

Yet, this wasn’t just a one-time occurrence when it came to 2B. No matter where you were, 2B wanted to be in some form of contact with you. At the camp, she’d sit so close that you could feel the brush of her sleeves against your skin, and whenever you were given the chance to roam about, you always found yourself either in her arms or on her back.

You thought it was nothing more than android curiosity. You were the first human she’s ever interacted with after all and it wasn’t as if it were any different for you. You couldn’t deny that you too were interested in androids, especially how they all came to be. For them, they’ve always known humans as their elusive creators, but for you, it felt as if the androids seemingly came from nowhere.

You couldn’t remember much of your old life before you woke up and for now, the desolate and decrepit city you wandered in was your new home. At least until you regain the lost memories 2B promised she’d help you recover.

“So, where are we going today?” You finally ask after a brief walk in silence.

2B’s stride doesn’t break and you feel almost lulled by her rhythmic steps. She didn’t even seem the least burdened with carrying you. She was stronger than an average human, it was something you came to learn after watching her mercilessly beat down a hunk of sentient metal. Just with her fists alone she was able to put a dent in steel. To her, your weight was of little consequence.

Often, you wondered what you felt like in her arms.

She glanced down at you, visage half shrouded by the blindfold around her eyes though the curve of a smile on her lips shows her excitement. “. . . You’ll see.”

She doesn’t say anymore after that and the both of you continue on in silence. Not that you minded it too much. 2B was never a conversationalist, she relied more on actions than words to convey how she felt. You liked that part of her. Her actions were always well thought out and held meaning, Whether she knew it or not, it made every little thing she did for you feel a little more sincere.

From your place in her arms, you took in the sights of the city. As dilapidated and broken as the world around you seemed, it was oddly beautiful. Never had you seen so much green in your life. Flora grew from the cracks between the roads and overtook the concrete buildings towering above you. Looking up towards the sky, you could see flocks of birds flying towards a destination you would never know, their distant calls an interruption to the silence. You don’t remember much of the old world, but you knew this city was never meant to be this quiet.

You desperately wished to regain your lost memories, yet there was a part of you who wasn’t so eager. Often the thought crossed your mind; maybe you were better off without them. Remembering would only leave you with the desire for a world long gone along with the total realization of your unfathomable luck. You, the last of your kind, were left all alone while the world died and withered without you. If there was a god, surely they wouldn’t have condemned you to such a lonely fate.

“Look,”

At the sound of her voice, you glance up at her only to direct your sight towards whatever she was referring to. While you were deep in thought you hadn’t noticed the direction she was heading in and you found yourself atop a wooden bridge placed just behind the walls of what looked to be an amusement park. From where 2B stood, you couldn’t see much, but you were given an incredible view of the distant castle.

“I-Is that an- Woah!”

The words died right on your tongue as an explosion of color suddenly took over the sky. Even from the great distance between you and the park, you were able to hear the crackling of fireworks. The sky, which you thought the sun would never set for, was darkened with the smoke from the war 2B and 9S constantly talked about. The colors were brightened against it, making their visibility clearer and their colors vivid. With your eyes locked onto the sight before you, you tapped on 2B’s shoulder as a silent request to be let down. She complied, allowing you to step near the edge of the bridge to take a closer look at the fireworks.

You thought you couldn’t remember anything from the old world, yet the moment you gazed upon the fireworks lighting up the sky; you remembered them instantaneously. You remembered their putrid smell, how loud they could be, and the fear you used to harbor for them when you were younger.

Even if you used to be scared of them, even if you thought they were too loud and hated the way they smelled; at this moment, you thought they were the prettiest things you’ve ever seen.

Tears gathered at the corners of your eyes and it was only until you felt them run down your cheeks that you paid them any mind. Though before you could even attempt to wipe them, you felt the distinct sensation of leather gently running across your cheek.

2B stood at your side, looking down at you with a small smile on her face, one you gladly returned. She doesn’t ask you the reason for your tears, nor does she look hurt by their appearance. She lets you be, standing at your side for as long as you allow her whilst providing unspoken support. It warmed you to the deepest part of your heart. Her kindness, although silent and unvoiced, was always apparent to you. She cared deeply for you. You didn’t need her to say it for you to know.

Your hand slips into hers all too naturally and under the crackling fireworks above, you think of only the promising future.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

extra:

“Why do you like to carry me so much?”

The question was asked more straightforward than what they were used to hearing from you. If there was anything 2B and 9S learned from their journey with you so far, it was that you never said what you felt. You looked for gentler ways to word your questions as if your care would be understood by androids who had no grasp of discretion.

2B, like always, never fails to leave your question unanswered and replies as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Because you’re warm.”

2B’s forthright reply even shocked 9S who was walking alongside her. “2B! Don’t you think that’s a little. . .”

You blushed slightly at her reply, burying your face against her shoulder as if that would take away from your embarrassment. From your place on her back, you were unable to see what kind of face she was making. As if that damned blindfold would give you the opportunity anyway. Though you doubted she would feel even a pinch of shame. 2B spoke nothing but the truth and that only made her words all the more brazen.

“What? You don’t agree?” She pauses in her steps, turning towards him which then forces you to face him as well. “Have you never touched her?”

You felt as if you would just die right then and there, yet you can’t help yourself from timidly peeking out at 9S from over 2B’s shoulder. He looks like he’s in thought for a moment, with a gloved hand on his chin and his lips twisted to the side. There’s only a moment’s delay between 2B’s question and his answer.

“Well. . . yeah, you’re not wrong. She’s even nicer to hug.”

Having enough of this conversation, you raise up your head to throw 9S a light glare. “Guys, can we please just get back to camp already?”

Throwing his hands up, 9S cheekily grins at you before continuing down the road towards the resistance camp. 2B follows shortly after him, her lips spread into an equally amused smile. While it might have been normal for 9S to show emotion resembling that of a human’s the feeling that stirred in 2B’s chest was quite foreign to her. She didn’t know what to call this feeling, but she didn’t hate it. It was a delightful buzz, one that she often felt around you and only you.

“Humans are softer than I imagined.” She added, her smile brightening at the sound of your muffled groan.

9S didn't hesitate to tag in on the teasing even from his place further ahead of you. “You know, I think we should include that in our report to the Commander. . .”

“Guys!”

[luimagines]

RQ: He’s upset and needs comforting

Masterlist

Ya'll want angst? Because I have some angst.

Very hurt/comfort

Set platonically and within the group since there was no specification. Hope that’s ok! Sorry it took awhile, it got away from me again. I think this may be a trend.

Scenario under the cut! It’s super long so take caution!

Sky

It took a while for you to notice but eventually you do.

Sky has been acting weird all day.

It was only clipped responses at first, then it was was the lack of attention where Sky would have been the first to comment or act otherwise. What really tipped you off finally was how he seemed to be evading the whole group. Not necessarily stepping away and out of sight but he didn’t interact with anyone and when they approached him, he didn’t make eye contact, seemingly trying to cut the conversation short.

No one has said anything. 

You mention it to Twilight about his out of character behavior but he says that it maybe a bad day, or he slept wrong, or some other reason that you stopped listening to because it didn’t make any sense.

Sky was always trying to be friendly no matter his mood and it took a lot to shake him up.

What was eating at the Chosen Hero?

Soon, the uncertainty begins to eat at you too and you wait for night fall, once everyone is asleep to strike.

Strike up a conversation that is.

Sky usually takes the last watch because he’s usually the first one out regardless of what activities for the day so you strive to wake up early.

It works for the most part, your internal clock doing what you want it to do when you blink your eyes open. Part of you begins to drift off again so you sit up and nearly fall asleep that way.

A hand comes up on your back and rubs a small circle. “Nightmare?”

It’s Sky and he’s looking at you with mild concern.

You smile and shake your head. “No. I’m alright but I think I’ll stay up with you if you don’t mind.”

“I wouldn’t mind the company.” He moves out of your space and back to where he sat.

You follow, still groggy from just waking from your slumber but succeed in not stepping on any of your friends or waking them up as well with the added noise. you sit next to the Hero of the Skies with little fan fare and let the moment settle on the both of you before looking skyward.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t look at Sky and continue star gazing even if they’re a little harder to spot as the sun travels closer for it’s shift.

Sky hums in agreement and follows your gaze upwards.

“Are you ok? You seemed a little off lately.”

Sky doesn’t say anything for the first few seconds and you suspect that maybe he didn’t hear you. With him spacing out so much and the fact that you whispered for the sake of your still sleeping friends, you’re inclined to repeat yourself but Sky answers in time.

“Just thinking a lot, I suppose. Nothing serious.”

“Yeah?” You don’t look his way. This is casual. This is friendly. This is not a big deal. “Rupee for your thoughts?”

“It’s not that interesting.”

You shrug. “Hit me with it anyway. It’s got to be something if it’s throwing you off your rocker. Maybe a new perspective will help clear some of it up?”

Sky frowns at your attempts, once again retreating into his mind. You let the offer hang in the air and let it sink in.

You’re disinclined to bring it up anymore. Your brain is still tired and you’re wondering your effectiveness when half of your thoughts are still muddled with sleep and fatigue. You could have totally slept in some more. What on earth made you think this was a good idea?

“Time mentioned something earlier that I can’t seem to let go of.” Sky begins.

You hum back and let him keep talking.

“I never fought this Ganon guy they all so talk so much about. I fought the God Demise. Before I could land the final blow, he cast a curse on me, on us, that some cycle would continue. His hatred would last forever and my blood line and Zelda’s will be cursed to deal with constant darkness caused by him.” Sky admits, looking now at his intertwined hands. “I finished him soon after that but... I wonder... Am I the cause-... Is this all my fault? Am I the reason that we’re all here right now? That everyone has gone through so much? So many thing happened that should have never occurred. Time and Legend and Wild have all suffered so much.... more than I can possibly ever imagine and it seems like it’s never ending. Everyone starts they’re adventures so young... If I had killed him sooner... If I had just got it over with... If I had just shut him up-”

“Hey.” Your hand lands on his shoulder, cutting off his tirade.  “None of this is anyone’s fault. The only people to blame are Ganon and now, this Demise guy. You did what you could. You still got the job done and no one here will ever blame you for what has happened to them or to Hyrule. You were young too... you’re still young. Give yourself a little kindness and understanding, just as you do with everyone here. You didn’t deserve it either. It’s not like you asked to fight a God.”

“Well...”

“Sky you know what I mean.”

“I should have been faster. If-”

“There’s no use in worrying about what if’s.” You shove him slightly. “This is our life. Even if you ask, no one is capable of giving you the answers. I get it. It’s hard to know if the path you took is the right one if it’s all you’ve ever known and you can’t see where the other would have lead... But... Even if horrible things happen, I’m still glad to have met you. I’m glad I met the others. I’m happy to be here with you and with them, and I’m glad that it’s not just me anymore.”

You let the words sink in before leaning down wards and trying to get him to look you in the eye. “I can’t answer your questions. But what happened, happened and the best thing we can do is learn how to play with the cards we’re dealt.”

He take a deep breath and  finally looks in your direction. “I know you’re right.” 

“Naturally.”

“But I can’t help but feel responsible for being-”

“But you’re not responsible for their pain or any of this Sky. If Ganon has anything to do with Demise then it’s all Demise’ fault. His and his only. Understand?” You stress. “I wish... I wish I could do something more to help.”

Sky places his hand over yours where you still have it on his shoulder and sends you a small smile. “I know. Me too.”

Wild

“Zelda, would you please drop it!” You hear the Champion yell, his voice carrying over the wind and somehow getting louder. “We’ve had this conversation before and it’s not the time to have it again. I have things to do excuse me.”

Wild storms into his house and shuts the door behind, blocking it with all his weight and waits for the indignant shrieking on the other side to go away. The voice ends with a frustrated huff and after a moment of silence, Wild relaxes and steps away from the door and further into the house.

You’re almost scared for the moment. You’ve not known Wild to yell, even less so for a Link to be on bad terms with Zelda no matter the universe. To make matters worse, you were the only that was actually within the house at the moment and you weren’t entirely sure how to proceed from here.

“Trouble in paradise?”

That probably wasn’t the way to go, if you were being honest with yourself.

Wild groans, loud and exaggerated and sits at the table in front of you with as much fan fair.

“Do not...call it that.” He sounds tired.

“Sorry.” You amend with an apologetic shrug. “That-” You reference to the scene outside. “-Didn’t sound ideal.”

“No. It’s not.” Wild sighs and places his face in his hands with his elbows on the table. Bad table manners, a small voice in your head pipes up. But it’s his house, so you bite your tongue.

“Can I ask what it was about?” You hesitatingly venture.

Wild takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “I wanted to live a simple life.” He starts. “Everything was over now, right? That was the idea I had. Defeat the evil and get to finally live as a normal man. Maybe explore more of my home and show Zelda all the cool things I’ve seen and done. Everything I knew, everything I remembered is gone and has been gone for a while. No one alive misses it. No one alive even knows about it. This is the world they were born into and they wouldn’t have it any other way. I was prepared to accept that and join them.”

Your face twists in sympathy as you nod along. “I take it that’s the issue here.”

“When I defeated Calamity Ganon and reunited with Zelda, she seemed so full of hope and purpose.” Wild continues. “I saw it in her eyes. She wanted a different thing to what I wanted.”

“And what’s that?”

Wild gives you a pained look. “Zelda wants to try and rebuild the kingdom. Make it into what she remembers it to be. She wants to strengthen relationships with the other nations and reestablish the royal family and a whole lot of other things that I cannot begin to think of how long it would both take and last considering all the damage that already been done. She wants to be Queen. And over what? Hyrule Kingdom is no more. Can’t be a Queen without a kingdom to rule and there’s not a lot of Hylians left that would agree to being ruled over or even enough of them to count as a kingdom to begin with.”

“I suppose it’s not a bad goal to have but you do make a point.” You try and add to the conversation, feeling wildly out of your depth. “Does she know that you-”

“Yes. And she thinks I’m crazy for it. She thinks that I’ve given up on my friends and the past and the future and- uugghhh.” Wild leaned forward and slams his head on the table with enough force to make you jump.

“That look like it hurt.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“I believe you.” A small smile covers your face.

A beat passes before Wild continues to talk with his head still on top of the table. “I don’t think she realizes that I’ve changed after everything. Maybe if I had my memories to begin with, or maybe if I had managed to defeat Calamity Ganon sooner, I’d be more inclined to agree with her, but I’ve experienced so much and done so much that I don’t want to go back to how things were. I’m a different man now.” Wild looks up at you. “She’s different too but I don’t think she’s ready for that conversation.” 

“So you’re stuck with this one?”

“Yes.”

“That sucks man.” You shift in your seat. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Not if you can change the past.” He pouts.

“Shame. I’m fresh out of past changing wishing powder.”

“That’s not a thing.” He pouts even more.

You chuckle at the display before sobering up ever so slightly. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

“What good will that do?”

“Maybe a third person party has to step in. It could be that it’s because you’re the one who saying that she isn’t listening.” You shrug. “I think you’re right but I’m willing to give her chance to tell her side of the story while you cool down in here. I can be a distraction so you can sneak out quietly and she won’t know you’re here anymore! It’s a win win! And maybe you guys can come to an agreement when you both see each other again with new perspectives.”

Wild gives you another tired look and leans into his hand. “I doubt it would work. Zelda is incredibly stubborn, one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met. But if you think it would help, I won’t stop you. I’ve run out of arguments and I’m done hearing hers.”

“Ok.” You say getting up and moving around the table. “I think it’s worth a shot. There’s a saying where I’m from that goes, ‘it’ll all be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright, then it’s not the end.’”

You give Wild a hug around his shoulder and squeeze him tight. “I have faith that you’ll pull through and get to live peacefully, but until then, you’ve got us on your side ok?”

He leans in your direction and wraps his arms around your own. “I know. I figured as much.”

“Good man.”

“I’m definitely sneaking out of here though.”

“That’s fair. Go hide.”

“I will... And thanks for listening to me. I didn’t mean to go off like that.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

Four

"I'm sorry, what?" Four snaps his head up to stare at the Champion.

"What?" Wild tilts his head. "What? There's no stuff in the grass in my Hyrule. Just crickets and lizards...you know normal stuff. I don't know why there's tools and rupees in all of yours."

"You don't-" Four cut himself off with a click of his teeth, a piece in his mind clicking into place. He stands suddenly, clearly upset and tense as he processes the information.

"Four?" You call out to him but he doesn't respond to you, nor does he look back.

"Four!" Hyrule calls as well. "Where are you going?"

No reply.

"I'll go with him. Just in case." You stand up in a rush and nearly knock over the equipment at your feet in the process. "Don't wait up for us."

You follow him.

Four is fast and quiet and it takes very little time to lose him- or rather, for him to lose you.

Before you knew it, there's no trace of him and there's nothing within the forest that would give you a hint to his whereabouts.

"Great." You hiss and look around.

Nothing.

"Four!" If he won't show himself, you'll just have to make some noise. "Four! Four! Show me a sign so I know you're not dead!"

You wait.

"Don't make me get Wolfie!"

Nothing.

"Four!" You scream a little louder and begin to run. Now that you've said it out loud, despite being a joke in the beginning, the thought of Four being dead somewhere spikes your panic and anxiety and it fuels your quest.

It's only been a few minutes and Four can handle himself just fine but you don't think about that.

"FOUR!"

"Why are you screaming?" A voice come just beyond you.

You sprint toward it and find Four in a small clearing, crouched down and appearing to hold something in the palm of his hand.

"I was calling you." You don't know how you find it in you scold him. "A response would have been nice."

"Sorry." He shrugs. "I was having a conversation, it would be rude to drop it."

You get on your tip toes to look around him and find nothing. "With... With what?"

Four looks down into his hand and places it, ever so gently, on the ground, pausing and standing up to see you. "You can't see them?"

"See who?" You step over to him. "Four? Are you ok?"

His face twists in annoyance before sighing. "I'm fine."

"No offence, but I doubt that."

"It... a group of creatures that can only be seen by good children. They were important on my quests and have helped me greatly. Children usually stop seeing them around the time when they turn sixteen."

"Would it be easy for me to chalk it all up to magic?" You bit your lip.

"Probably. If it'll help you sleep at night." Four sighs and looks down to the ground, a small smile on his lips before it twists into a painfully and... he looks seconds from crying.

"I did so much to help them... and they helped me.... They leave gifts in the grass to help travelers and us heroes alike and yet... Wild says it doesn't happen anymore..." Four gulps and looks away from you and what ever is by his foot. "They wouldn't stop.... They're incredibly kind and hospitable and... There's no reason for them... Why are they gone?"

"Four." You reach out and place a hand on his shoulder.

"What happens to them?" His Adam's apple bobs a bit as he sucks in a breath. "It just means there was no one to help them."

"Oh Four." You pull him into a hug and nearly crush him with it.

"There's nothing I can do to help them, is there?" He sniffles into your chest.

"No, I... I don't think so Four. Not that far out into the future." You shake your head and begin to rub circles on his back.

You don't think he's crying but he might be fighting it because he does begin shaking.

He doesn't say anything else and you're loath to let him go when he's so emotionally charged. So you hold him. You hold him for as long as he needs and you wait for him to pull away first.

When he does, you keep your hands on his shoulders and he stays within your reach. Four begins to take deep calming breaths with his eyes closed and you instinctually run your hands through his bangs and push some of the loose hairs from his face.

Minutes continue to pass and the sounds of nature around you fill the void.

"I'm sorry." You say. "I wish I could help you but I don't know how."

Four nods and rubs his eyes. "I don't doubt that. Thank you. I'll be ok."

You don't think he's ready to go back to the group just yet, not after all that. "Tell me more about these friends of yours. How did they help you? How did you help them? What are they exactly?"

It earns you a small laugh and he grins up at you with a watery smile. "Sit down. And let me tell you about the Picori."

Twilight

“You almost died and for what?!” Twilight screams at Wild for the umpteenth time.

It startles you to hear his voice reach such volumes but you’re inclined to agree with him this time around. After Wild’s stunt with taking a hit to the head for Wind, you’d been on the look out for his more... self sacrificing behavior. You knew he wouldn’t think twice to do it and you tried to make it so there wouldn’t even be a chance for him to make such a decision.

This time though, in this last fight, you took your eyes off of him for only a moment and that’s when he broke his streak of uneventful fights. 

Twilight, of course, is livid and has no regard for the poor creatures of the forest that have to endure his tirade as he unleashes his concern and worry in the form of rage and over exaggerated gestures.

When Hyrule finishes healing your more minor wounds, you slink away from the soon to be screaming match since Wild is very much still conscious, if a little roughed up. You don’t intended to stray as far as you go but you don’t find it in yourself to care for the time being.

Being around so many people for so long is taxing. You make the executive decision to remove yourself for the time being while tensions are high, to both cool off and to avoid getting hit in the crossfire.

There’s a small creek nearby, you find, and decide to make a small space for yourself there until dinner comes rolling around. The birds and the babbling waters calm your soul and snuffle out the last of the adrenaline. You don’t know how long you sit there, but you can faintly hear the screaming match in the distance that you dipped out of.

You don’t regret it.

More time passes and you find that you may or may not have taken a small nap in the meantime. If the position of the sun is anything to go by.

Despite the pain in your back from sleeping against a tree, the slight ache in your neck from the angle you slept in, you feel better. Clearer, even.

You hope your absence wasn’t entirely noticed but you can’t seem to regret leaving either.

Footsteps creep closer to you and you huddle into a small ball out of habit to avoid detection.

It’s Twilight.

He walks near the creek and takes a heavy seat next to it. He looks both pale or red faced at the same time but exhaustion is laced in his entire body from what you can tell.

He doesn’t notice you.

You uncurl and set your legs out in front of you. Leaning forward a little, as quietly as you can, you see that he’s upset. It doesn’t surprise you. But seeing as you don’t how to deal with an upset Twilight and you can’t really sneak away without crossing his line of sight or making any miniscule noise, you still yourself and wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Twilight calls your name. Quietly and hollow- like he’s not all there. Or in the way one would talk to a memory.

It’s immediately unsettling. Both in how he sounds and how he knew you were there without you doing anything. But you suppose Twilight can just sense things like that from times to time. It’s certainly not the first time he’s done it.

“I’m here.” You reply.

“How long?”

“A few hours I think. Longer than you were here that’s for sure.” You shrug and slowly crawl out of your hidey hole. “I think I fell asleep....The sun wasn’t over there when I first got here.”

Twilights hums in what you think is agreement but it’s really only a sound. “It’s a nice spot.”

You smile. It’s tense and little fake, but he’s not looking at you so you don’t care for authenticity. “Good thing it’s big enough for the both of us huh?”

“Yeah.” He looked into the distance again, noting that the sun is beginning to set and takes a deep breath. “Do you ever feel a strange sadness as dusk falls?”

“Can’t say that I have.” You move closer to him, aiming to sit by his side. “I’ve always enjoyed sun sets and I find them calming to watch but hearing someone finding them sad is a new one. Do you feel sad as dusk falls?”

He hums again. “They say it’s the only time their world interacts with ours.”

“Whos?”

“Lingering spirits I suppose...” Twilight tilts his head upwards before twisting it to look at you. “It’s nothing. I’m just reminiscing about my life before my adventure is all. My... father told me those words and I haven’t forgotten them since.”

You hum this time and lean back to mirror him. “Wanna tell me why?”

“That Champion reminds me so much of myself and yet... he’s ten times worse.” Twilight falls backwards with a soft thump. “I know why he does it but I...”

“You care about him and don’t want to see him hurt.” You shrug. “It’s not exactly a new concept.”

“Tell that to him.”

“Maybe I will. He gets just as upset as you do when this happens, you know.” You shift your weight to make it easier to stand up later.

“Does he? You’d think that he’d get the point to stop doing then.” He growls.

“Maybe he’s scared of losing more friends.” You blurt before you can stop yourself. That was something Wild told you in confidence and while he didn’t say you couldn’t tell anyone- that was kinda implied.

Twilight stills for a moment, the fight leaving him again in a single breath as he considers your words. They don’t seem to be new news to him.

Wild is pretty close to Twilight...Maybe he already knew.

“I still think I’m entitled to not like it.” He settles.

“It’s not he’s asking you to be ok with it. I know I’m not.” 

“I guess that’s fair then.” Twilight sits up again and stands up in one fluid motion that you envy. With a turn on his heel, he holds his hand out to you to take.

You take it and feel him effortlessly lift you off of the ground with that one hand.

You don’t comment on it.

“Come on.” He says. “I’m going to need you for moral support.”

“Why?”

“If I yelled in front of him of the whole group, I should apologize to him in front of the whole group.” He admits and wraps his arm around your shoulders. “But I might need an excuse to get close to him again after all the things I’ve said.”

“I get your desert and you’ve got yourself a deal. I left to not get involved and here you are... involving me.” You tease. “I demand payment.”

“One desert? I can do that.”

Hyrule

“I can’t do this.” You snap your head to the sound of the voice and see Hyrule with his arms cross and shaking.

“What? What’s happening? Hyrule?” You step closer to him as you’re the only one within arms reach. “What do I need to do? How can I help?”

“There’s nothing. Nothing you can do, that can make this better.” Hyrule takes one ground step before throwing his arms down. “Don’t you see them? With all their tools and experience and then there’s- me. Just me. Some magic later and a old man with a sword and I found myself trying to save my princess and defeat some evil, but these guys...”

You look around, trying to see if Legend or Sky are close enough to give you back up, or better yet, take over. You suppose it’s better than a panic attack but it’s so left field that you’re stunned and floundering to catch this hot potato of a conversation.

He keep talking.

“For all that is good and holy, they are heroes. Do you see them? Some of them have training, and families and skills and I....was just a boy in a grave yard. How can I even compete with them? I don’t, that’s how. But how can they consider me an equal? When I was in town and listened to the elders and their stories, they would tell me of a legendary hero from the past who courageously defended our home until the very end and who was virtually undefeated in all his adventures. And then I meet Legend....and he’s so much cooler than all those stories combined.”

“Link.” You call out to him and back to the real world. “You need to slow down for me honey because you’re too fast for me to keep up. What do you mean how can they see you as an equal? You defeated Ganon just as they did. You stood up for your home just as they did. You did it all on your own just as they did. Why wouldn’t they consider you an equal? No one cares about where you’re from, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“But they can do so many things even without the sword!” He exclaims. “They all have a place to go to, a person who cares about them, a title or a skill and a world that’s not on the brink of collapse-”

“Ok, whoa, hey.” You step into his space and take his face into your hands, bringing it up for him to look you in the eyes.

“I have no idea what brought this up but I won’t stand for anyone talking bad about you. And that includes you. We... can talk about your home with clearer heads later, ok? Maybe the others can help with that when we get there, yeah? And well....” You’re sinking. You don’t know what to do with all this information and you have even less of an idea about how to address it.

“Good golly, when it rains, it pours with you lot, doesn’t it?” You hiss under your breath and bite the bullet. With a strong grip, you wrap your arms around the Traveler and pull him close. You try to keep your grip strong without fear of hurting him, but it hits you then how thin he is. How light he actually is. You can feel the hint of armor under his tunic and it does little to quell your fears.

“Clearly there’s a lot on your mind. And... I’m probably not the person to help you through this. If you want to talk about not belonging though, I’m free to listen. I’m the only one here who’s not a Link, if you haven’t noticed.” You try to joke but it falls a little flat. “You though... You belong here with all of us... all of them... And if you need more convincing then I’m bringing this up with Legend who’s is over the moon proud of you and what you can do and he told me himself that he couldn’t be happier to have you as his successor-”

“Really?”

“Not in those exact words admittedly,-” You gulp as the word vomit continues to bubble out of you in waves of panic. “-but I know that’s what he meant because he doesn’t stop talking about how cool you are.”

“Hm.”

“And everyone has a different background, ok? Everyone has skills and people that the others don’t have. That’s ok. It’s not a competition. I get worried that one day you guys are going to create some game out of all your trauma. Like... who had it worse and just go around in a circle listing off all the things that happened to each of you... Whoever runs out of things to say or can’t think of something as bad or worse than the others is out. Last man standing wins.”

“Don’t give them ideas.” You feel him chuckle. It’s breathless and small and it doesn’t reach your ears despite your closeness but you feel it.

“Good thing it’s just you and me right now.” You sigh a little in relief and loosen the hug. “Look, just.....whatever you think you can’t do, just know that there is someone who is confidently doing it wrong right now. In the group or not, just keep your eyes and watch. They don’t plan on doing it better either and people are celebrating them for it. Please believe in your own excellence as much as they believe in their mediocrity.”

“Big words.”

“You’re awesome for trying. Others are not and don’t plan to. You’re already better than them.” You amend, stepping away to look him in the eye again. “The group can’t do magic like you can. That’s all you. They all have items sure but no one can do what you do... and you’re self taught, right? That’s incredible! You have just as much as a reason to be here as the others. I swear it.”

Hyrule sighs and gulps. He doesn’t believe you. It’s not enough.

You knew it wouldn’t be and it’s definitely doesn’t scratch the tip of the iceberg of the bomb he just dropped on you but... step by step. Little by little. you have a plan.

“Screw it. Let’s catch up with Wind and Warrior and get them to tell you how awesome you are, since you won’t listen to me. And if you’re still a nonbeliever then we move on to the next pair. We’ll go down the line if we have to.” You nod and grab his hand, beginning to drag him along.

He laughs after you, a little hysterical and in disbelief. “You’re crazy.”

“That is not new information.” You reply, hiding your grin. “I say it’s Hyrule loving hours and I’m gonna get everyone to join.”

“You’re not joking are you.” It’s a statement. He already knows the answer.

“Nope!”

Legend

It was your turn on watch for the night. In an hour or two you were supposed to wake the Veteran for his shift and finally catch some sleep.

The others snored and slept away without a care in the world. It was just you and cackling fire that was active but you’d kill for something to help your mind get passed the boredom.

Anything but monsters or an attack that is. You’d hate to jinx your good luck so far.

In the corner of your eye, while fighting to keep your head up, you see Legend shift. Not necessarily unusual. You’re inclined to ignore it.

But then he shifts again, whimpering like he’s been hurt and a white knuckled grip on the blanket.

You still and begin to wonder what’s your level of care here.

Part of you, in kindness, wants to go wake him. The lack of sleep seems more merciful than letting him suffer a prison of his own making.

But you also don’t know how he’ll react.

You know he’d hate to be seen as weak for whatever normal reason and he’s been inclined to wake up swinging in the right circumstance.

Twilight suffered a broken nose for the whole night because he was disinclined to wake up Hyrule or take a potion.

Not you’d make the same decision and suffer the whole night in the same manner but it certainly fails to sound appealing.

Just as your about to appeal to your better nature and force yourself to go wake him before it gets worse, he shoots up into a sitting position with a strangled scream. The job seems to have been done for you- but in the worse way.

He’s breathing hard with his hand gripping his chest. Legend begins to frantically look around and slowly begins to piece together where he is and what’s happened. He never looks behind him, where you are, before running a hand through his hair a little harder than you think reasonable and getting to his feet.

You cough slightly, leaning away from the fire and back into previous position. You hadn’t realized you leaned into his direction as you watched him, inches from putting your face into the flame.

He startles at the sound and whips around, one hand poised to reach the sword he’s not equipped with.

“It’s just me.” You wave. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

He calms somewhat and you can see his jaw flex. “Well, goodnight to you.”

His voice is croaked- from disuse or an overwhelming emotion, you’re not sure.

“For me maybe. But you? That was quite a scare you gave me as well.” You play it off. You can at least pretend that you weren’t watching him. That you would have saved him a little earlier and took your sweet time doing it. You offer a peace offering to your morals. “Want to talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about?” He snaps, furiously rubbing his face. “It’s nothing new. We all deal with it one way or another.”

“True. But it’ll be easier to let it go, and let the experience float up into the air and never return. Otherwise it’ll fester and grow.” You shrug. “But I won’t force you. I know you’re not exactly fond of me.”

Legend glares into the fire as you talk and refuses to look at you. Once you finish though, he moves his head away, still not in your direction but visually drops more tension from his shoulders.

He doesn’t say anything.

“There’s a spot next to me with your name on it if you want it.” You offer. “A little company wouldn’t hurt.”

He takes more time to respond and you resolve to go back to staring at the fire.

A moment or two passes and you hear the faint sound of crunched foliage. It takes of your will power to not look up as he approaches and even more so when he decidedly sits next to you.

The fabric of his tunic brushes your leg for a minute and it strikes you odd that he sat that close despite the rest of the log at his disposal.

It must have been bad if he wants to be close to someone right after. The thought enters your mind. Once it’s there you don’t chase it away and instead casually lean back with your hand behind you.

If the angle causes you to lean closer to him in the process, you don’t say anything. 

And if Legend notices, he doesn’t say anything either.

A moment of time passes in silence, the only sounds through the whole forest are crickets and a passing owl with the occasional whisper through the trees.

“How do you do it?” He asks.

“Do what?” You tilt your head in his direction.

He’s still not looking at you.

“Keep going.”

The answer shocks momentarily but you’re not surprised that it’s coming from him out of the whole group. “Legend-”

“I’m tired.” He says instead. “I hate this. I hate that sword. I hate that pig demon. I hate that I can’t be done.”

You hand comes up to his shoulder and you force him to look at you. 

He lets you and he looks up to you with tears building up in his eyes and for a moment you’re struck by the odd balance of how old he sounds but how young he looks- is.

You stuck floundering for a response to answer him with but he asks one more thing. “Why can’t I be done?”

You pull him into a hug before you can stop yourself. “I don’t know. I don’t know Link.”

You find yourself wanting to cry as well once Legend collapses into the hug. He’s not hugging you back but he’s being held for the first time in... you don’t know how long. Your grip tightens.

“But I do know is that you’re not alone. Not anymore. And maybe....maybe this is the final fight. That’s why we’re all together right? A darkness so evil ahead that every hero is required and then....rest. For each and every one of you.”

You sniffle, carding your fingers through his hair without a moments hesitation. “If it’s not then I’ll fight everything for you from then on. I’ll take your place you hear me. I’ll take your job and title and you won’t have to do this anymore.”

“I’m the Hero of Legend. That’s not exactly an easy thing-”

“No. I am the hero now. I’ve decided it.” You hide the tears in his hair to the best of your ability.

Legend snorted, loud and wet but you elected to ignore it just as you were ignoring the ever growing wet spot on your shoulder. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“It does now. I said so.”

A beat.

“...Ok.” He sniffled and rubbed his head on your shirt. He took a deep breath and exhaled, letting the night take over the atmosphere again. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

He nods once, definitive and final. Your expecting him to let go now and return to his roll, already electing to take over his shift as well and just push through the next day.

Except he doesn’t.

Legend calls your name, testing the waters and lifts his head up ever so slightly. “...It’s not that I’m... not... fond of you-”

“Save it for a rainy day.” You grin. “I think you’ve had your fill of emotions for the night.”

He nods and eventually slips into sleep with his head on your chest, no doubt lulled by your heartbeat.

With tearful eyes, you stare back into the fire.

Time

Time marched from the stunned group the same way a parent does after making a scathing remark instead of a lecture.

You know the one. 

“I’m not mad. Just disappointed.”

The poor boys suddenly didn’t know what to so with themselves or how to get back into Time’s good graces.

You felt for them and their awkward meandering through the camp. So, with your pride swallowed, you follow in the vague direction where Time went off to and decided to at least talk him down.

He is... decidedly harder to find than you previous imagined.

Just as your starting to think the Old Man doesn’t want to be found, you hear subtle swing. It’s to your left and it sounds heavy.

So naturally you follow it

Which leads you to a small clearing just beyond a bunch of bushes.

Time is there, full armor still on and swinging his giant sword forcefully, each swing stronger than the last. It’s as if it weighs only as much as Four. You’ve wondered in the past what it would like if he decided to actually throw the smallest ones of the group but out of fear, do not voice your ideas.

Just because Time won’t doesn’t mean that the others won’t try.

It’s hard being the responsible one when there are nine Links to take care of, each as much as a gremlin as the last. It must be hell on Time’s back to carry the group.

You see where he’s coming from and yet...

“You can stand to be a little more patient with them.” 

The words are out of your mouth before you can actually stop them.

Time stops abruptly, in both the figurative and literal sense, before the man turns to you with that same face of neutral disappointment.

“They are heroes.”

“They are also children, Time. I think that it’s because they are heroes that they deserve to act their age every now and then.”

“Slacking won’t divert the evil away from our home.”

“Running face first into the problem won’t solve it either.” You sigh and walk up the man. He tenses as you approach and slowly lets his weapon down. The Hero of Time is an intimidating creature but you refuse to let that dissuade you.

“Look, I know why you’re upset. I get it. It’s hard to get a job done when you feel like you’re the only one it’s important to... But have a little faith in our group. Please.” You plead and stop right in front of him. You have to look up at him slightly due to the angle but he was forced to acknowledge you here.

His arms cross and he opens his mouth to respond but you cut him off.

“You’re right, they are heroes and there is a job to be done and an evil to be done away with. But they were even younger when they earned the title. They still vanquished the darkness even for their age. You have to trust that they will do the same here.” You reach up and put your hands on his shoulders, getting onto your tip toes to look him in the eye better. “And they will. Because they are heroes. Because they have the spirit of courage. Because they are Link... Just like you.”

He softens his stance ever so slightly but he still doesn’t look pleased.

“It’s not easy I know.” You get down again. “But they look up to you. I think all of them do. And I can’t stand to see how hurt they look when you get upset when they act their age. It’s not like they can help it.”

He takes a deep breath and uncrossed his arms. He takes a minute to respond. Time stared at you intensely before he drops all the tension in his body and finally lets his weapon go. A single hand comes up to pat your head. 

“Let’s head back to camp.”

He says nothing else and continues to walk past you and back the way you came.

You don’t ignore the sense of accomplishment and refuse to dampen it when you catch the tiniest slivers of a smile before he turns away from you completely.

Wind

You’re lying peacefully on the dirt when you hear someone sit beside you with more power than would ever be needed.

You don’t open your eyes for the sake of the other person, not really thinking much of it and even forgetting that they were there until you heard the smallest of sniffles.

Now, you’re sitting straight up with wide and concerned eyes locking directly onto the crying form of your beloved pirate. 

It’s hard not to feel for him and while you’re not sure what sprung this up, you don’t have it in you to turn him away, or to ignore that he was upset.

Neither of you say anything and you’re almost afraid it make the picture in front of you a little too real.

Instead, you move yourself closer to him and open up your arms.

Wind doesn’t hesitate to throw himself onto you and let his body sag with unwanted emotion.

As sobs silently rack his body, you begin to feel yourself rock back and forth for both his comfort and yours. Soon you start running your hands through his hair and rub small circles on his back. 

He cries for a long time and never once gives you a clue why.

You don’t ask either.

Still, once the moment has passed, you continue to hold onto him. He doesn’t make any moves to let go of you any time soon and you’re happy to be there for as long as he’ll let you.

That doesn’t stifle your concern over the cause but you’re loath to bring it up.

Minutes pass with the boy in your arms and it’s only when you shift positions, does he look up at your face. His eyes aren’t as red anymore with the amount of time that’s passes since he’s stopped crying but his face is still a little puffy and his cheeks are both stained in tears and incredibly red.

A small smile creeps onto your face when you look back at him. “Feel better?”

“A little.” He admits and sniffles the last of the tears away, wiping his face with his sleeve. “Thanks.”

“For you? Anytime.”

Warrior

It struck you as odd that it was dinner time the group seemed to be missing someone.

Earlier that day the group had split up to take down some troublesome monsters on the border of some tiny town defenseless town and that was that.

It didn’t seem like big deal nor was it a particularly hard thing to do. The monsters weren’t infected and they didn’t have numbers on their side so your group took care of the pests in a matter of moments.

And yet, when everyone regrouped there was a visible tension.

Some thing had happened on the other side of the fight and no one wanted to fess up, even less so when Time mentioned it.

It worried you.

Now, as it stood the tension was still there but Warrior didn’t want to come out of the wood work.  He had left earlier claiming to need to check up on his appearance and no one had questioned him. No one offered to go with him.

It was always dangerous to go alone.

“Hey, has anyone seen Warrior?” You glance around again, hoping it was just a miscount on your part. “It’s been awhile since he left.”

“He takes his sweet time.” Legend snapped. “And you know how narcissistic he is. He’s probably trying to get every single little hair in the right place and working out every little blemish in his stupid uniform-”

“I’m going to look to him.” You stand, placing your cooling food down by your foot. You don’t know what happened or what caused it but at least an idea begins to form. “It’s been too long regardless. Keep my food warm for me, yeah?”

You don’t wait for a response and walk away into the tree line where you think Warrior might be.

“It’s getting dark. Be careful.” Someone calls from behind you, mouth clearly full of food.

“Yes sir.” You reply.

You march on.

When you’re sure you’re far enough away, you begin to call out to Warrior.

It takes a minute to get any results but you’re starting to worry about your friend. The sun is lowering in the horizon as time goes by and you’re beginning to feel silly and frustrated and-

“I’m here.” A tired voice replies.

“Oh thank goodness.” You cross the distance between you two. “I was really starting to worry.”

Warrior puts on a brave face and a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes greets you when you stop in front of him. His look a little puffy and you think his eyes might be a little red but it easily be the lighting- or lack there of.

“Are you ok?”

“Obviously.”

You doubt him and it must have shown on your face because he immediately begins walking away. “Well look at the time. Crazy how fast the sun goes. Let’s get back to the group and eat. I’m starving-”

You grab his wrist as he pasts you and get a good look at him. “Are you ready to go back to the group? They can wait a little longer if you want them too.”

It irritated you that it’s come to this. How no one went to check on him. How no one offered to go with you. How no one seemed bothered by this. How long that he was alone dealing with something that’s been bothering him. How it took you so long to do something.  

“No. It’s fine.” He says. Lying. It must have really bothered him, usually he’s better than this. “It’s about time to head back anyway.”

“They can wait.” Your grip tightens. “The sun can wait. We’re not obligated to be there. What’s wrong? ...If you want to talk about it that is...” You trail off uselessly. It only occurred to you that near the end that he may not even speak about with you. You weren’t the closest in terms of grouping but you can’t stand the thought of someone hurting alone.

“I’m fin-”

“You look like you were crying.” You cut him off. “If you don’t want to talk about it with me, that’s fine, just say it. But you might need more time before you head back anyway if you actually want them to believe you when you say you’re fine.”

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“Warrior?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“If it bothers you then it’s not nothing.”  You push. “But....fine. I won’t force you to talk to me. I just wanted to see if you were ok... You’re not but it’s better than seeing you bleeding I suppose.” You grit your teeth, annoyed by the lack of results. You did tell him that he didn’t have to talk to you and you don’t hurt him further but part of you wants to fix this. Even if you don’t know what it is, your heart calls for justice at his pain.

But he is unwilling.

“Camp is this way by the way.” You mention, looking at the ground. “You were actually farther away than I thought, so it’s a bit of a walk.”

“I just think it’s easier for people when I’m not around.”

You still and slowly turn to face him. 

He’s looking at the ground as well, unable to say it and look you in the eye. It’s not what you were expecting and you’re not sure how to follow after that.

It’s a rare moment of vulnerability for him- even rarer that he’s showing it to you and you don’t want to squander the show of trust.

“Back home...there was a lot of... attention on me. A lot of blame... for starting the war. Or at least being the cause of it.” He admits, scuffing his shoe against the dirt. A little bit kicks up and sticks to the toe. He does nothing about it. “People listened to what I had to say because I was some destined hero. At first I didn’t think anything of it because I had thought it was one big mistake and sooner or later people were going to see that I was just some soldier not worth the time of day. It happened to be pure luck that Impa got it right when she gave me this uniform. Zelda made me a captain because of it and suddenly I had all of these men I had to give orders to. And if anything failed or if we lost, it would all have fallen on me. The blame, the guilt, the responsibility of the war...and then we found out why Cia was even opening these portals to begin with-”

You hug him.

“Please don’t cry.” You say into his chest. Your throat is tight and it a little hard to breath but you power through. “I’m not good at this. I never have been.”

“I’m not going to cry. It’s not worth crying.”

“I’ll cry for you then.” You admit and hug him tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. It was no ones fault.” Warrior hugs you back and rests his head on top of yours. His voice seems a little tight too and you’re sorry for all the things that he must have gone through. 

You hug him for as long as you deem appropriate before letting your arms go lack and stepping away.

Or... at least you try to.

Warrior suddenly has a grip on you and refuses to let you leave.

“Please... Just stay a little longer.”

You do.

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/30 NXT 12/02 NXT UK 12/03 Smackdown 12/04 Takeover War Games 12/06 + Main Event 12/03

Raw:

...Yeah hi, what the fuck is with the doll trapped inside of the table? Is that a metaphor for Alexa??

I’m so happy for her being able to have segments with Orton. Good for her.

Alexa’s like a mere inch taller than me so she’s a nice gauge as to to how tall the men’s roster is in comparison, and Randy? Fucking tall.

So the writing was on the wall; Fiend cares about Alexa (whether the nature is abusive is irrelevant to this point) and Randy has figured out how to use Alexa as a pawn to manipulate Fiend. I was kind of hoping Fiend/Alexa were in control of the gameboard, but it seems I’ve been duped.

The only complaint I have about this is how... compliant and helpless Alexa was in this segment. She’s not only been possessed/traumatized into caring about Fiend, but furthermore she does care about him, so why wouldn’t she be fighting against Randy when she was in his arms? The writing of her character in this particular segment seemed shallow. I know she can play whatever emotion they want from her, so to not ask for any emotions at all is curious.

Also the only person who isn’t a heel here is Alexa, and I won’t really hear any argument on the manner. Fiend is a predator at best. Orton is a psychotic douchebag.

My head hurts. Imagine Becky being stuck in a tag team with Lana rather than throwing a huge fit about not being able to defend her title for fucking months.

“Sarah you wouldn’t understand, but Shayna and I are about to-- *starts smiling like a fucking idiot*” Wow I want to defend wwe’s incessant need for giving Lana a storyline but I’m so fucking tired of abysmal promos. God. I. Miss. Becky. WHY is the Raw women’s champion wrapped up in this??

“First of all... ew.” lolololol

Shayna’s hatred for Lana is fucking hilarious.

Why is it, whenever Nia and Shayna do their dual barricade ragdoll move, Nia always gets the lighter one?

Nia fucking pummeled Lana lmao.

I kind of wish this story had a live crowd, I’d like to see if all of this was actually buying Lana some goodwill from the audience.

Hilarious watching Lana sit on the bottom rope for a few seconds before climbing through onto the apron, before slinking down to a sitting position, before finally collapsing onto the floor barely peering into the ring. Tf is she doing rofl.

Now she jumped up onto the apron lacking any enthusiasm, tagged herself in, and is climbing onto the turnbuckle while seemingly sobbing. What in the fuck lmao.

God Asuka is working overtime here.

*Bonus* online exclusive: how fun, Lana and Asuka are singing and dancing together. This division is turning into a garbage fire rq.

Oh is Mandy still out with an injury in kf?

Love it when new debuts get no fucking entrance. Yikes.

Mia Yim had such a dope theme song and entrance, I can’t believe it’s been scrapped so that she can call herself “Reckoning” and hang out in some dead-end group. Shame.

Oh my god. Mia loses to Dana via rollup after taking virtually no offense. What a waste of everyone’s time. I see this going nowhere, absolutely nowhere.

*Bonus* online exclusive: lmfao the Nikki Cross interview was worth a mention. First off, Nikki looks gorgeous. Second, I feel like this is the beginning of her run of not appearing on Raw because she isn’t deemed developed enough outside of a tag team, which is sad. Third, rofl @ her giving Sarah sheep’s stomach chicken to eat, I have no words. Anyway, she should be a solid midcarder. Get it together wwe.

Highlight: Probably the Nikki Cross online exclusive

---

NXT:

They got Shotzi something that glows. Wow.

Why is there a silhouette as if Io isn’t already added to the team? Why wouldn’t she be? Shayna was in last year’s, why wouldn’t Io be in this year’s? Is this supposed to be suspenseful?? lmao plz.

Indi did not take a bullet for you, she was just an idiot. Also why does this bitch still have a neck brace on? It was an Eclipse, let’s get real for a second.

Why you acting like your team is cohesive anyway? Doesn’t Dakota hate you? Didn’t Toni just turn heel for virtually no fucking reason, after defending/consoling Shotzi and attacking Candice like a sore loser? *sigh*

I know fans are really into WarGames but I find the alliances really fucking weak every year. It’s as bad as Survivor Series, just with more weapons and brutality.

So Xia Li lost some matches and now she’s being tortured... okay. I’m gonna keep my comments on this to a minimum cuz I can tell this will be some long-term story.

Oh I really like how their respective team members are standing up in the back on balconies. I really fucking like the layout of this arena. Huge fan.

Why Shotzi vs Raquel though? Why is the team captain fighting? That’s not typical for these, is it?

Ugh failure to throw Shotzi through the ropes. There’s just... a skill gap in the division, you know? And Shotzi and Raquel are on the lower end of that gap. I don’t care if people love Shotzi, she’s MILES away from being a champion. What saves her is her risk-taking, but it’s just a matter of time before that bites her in the ass.

Shotzi’s offense is doing a minimal amount of potential damage to her opponent while taking herself out in the most convoluted way possible. She’s Sasha Banks on steroids.

You call it innovative, I call it foolish.

Raquel just standing there waiting with stairs in her hands. Beast.

Shotzi can’t have a kf leg injury, that negates 95% of her offense!

Limpy vs Gimpy

Setting up that ladder in the corner was clunky as shit.

A pure ladder stip is hard to have in a women’s singles match, but this match is a big pile of meh.

Honestly I’m not about to complain about all of these women getting involved because this is borderline boring.

AYYYEEE it’s Io! Io saved this match tbh. Love her, THAT’S my champion.

Give Shotzi’s team the advantage, I doubt they win anyway.

To be honest; you have former nxt champion Ember Moon, inaugural UK champion and former nxt champion who fought against Charlotte fucking Flair at WrestleMania Rhea Ripley, and current champion that beat Charlotte fucking Flair for the title Io Shirai. The idea of that team losing is laughable at best in kf. But they will, cuz fuck babyfaces.

*Bonus* online exclusive: What surprises could you possibly have in store aside from some random weapons? Also fuck your howl. Edit: she was talking about her stupid new tank, wasn’t she...

Highlight: Io showing up at the end of the ladder match

---

NXT UK:

Who’s this green-shirt bro and why did he run over there to break up the brawl as if there aren’t 2 dozen officials already? Men needlessly getting involved in women’s fights irritates the shit out of me.

He also got in the way of the shot for the majority of this clip. I hate him. 

I hope Jinny wins this future match.

This Aleah girl is like a cross between Kacy and Alexa, and honestly I hate it. Which is odd cuz I love them. She pisses me off though. Not sure what to make of it.

So supposedly Valkyrie is undefeated? That’s good. Let’s keep that going.

Valkyrie has nice counters and is super athletic. I say this every time I watch one of her matches but she deserves more praise.

I hate that women on UK get so little time. Send Valkyrie and KLR to nxt and send Dakota and Rhea to the MR, thanks.

I’d pay to see Valkyrie vs KLR too!

Still not a fan of Valkyrie’s finisher. Love her gear though, it looks different.

Highlight: Always a pleasure watching Valkyrie

---

Smackdown:

Lmfao Bayley “fails” to break the count before rolling back outside, so she rolls back in and fucking stomps her feet while yelling at the ref. She’s good. She’s good at the basics, good at paying attention to her surroundings, and good at improvising.

Bayley and Nattie are smooth together. They’ve never had a match, right? Other than this?

Love how Bianca has all of Bayley’s attention.

Bayley just used Nattie’s discus clothesline against her lmao. What a troll.

I remember when Bayley tapped, her entire fanbase was crying claiming she was buried. Watching it myself, she is so obviously entering into a program with Bianca. Christ 90% of her attention was on Bianca throughout the match.

*Bonus* online exclusive: Bianca just told Bayley her hair ain’t even and she looks dusty, good fucking bye.

mmmm not sure if Sasha has the admiration of the wwe universe. Look she’s a remarkable talent in the ring, but she is insanely annoying outside of it. She’s changed nothing from the time she was heel, other than no longer cheating to win. She obnoxiously cackles, she’s egotistical, she gets along with legit nobody. I’m not convinced the crowd would even cheer her, even if she’s one of the best bell to bell. Her fans can call her the number 1 babyface, but that’s a stretch if I’ve ever heard one.

���I won the first 2 women’s mitb” aaggghhhhh I hate that Carmella still claims that. Debatable. De-ba-ta-ble.

Lol “I can’t help if men are obsessed with me,” alright sure. That’s good tbh. Carmella is a notorious cheat but regardless, that’s good.

Well the reason y’all never faced one on one is because Carmella’s a Smackdown veteran and you just got here, but I digress.

So where’s the army that still runs around crying that Becky buried her when she called her the greatest woman to never be great (facts)? Where’s the outrage for Sasha demeaning Carmella and claiming she’s not in her league? Sasha fans are wild.

“With half the work I’m better than you. I held onto that Smackdown woman’s title longer than all of your title reigns combined.” omg she’s dead. Shots fired, target hit. Someone call Sasha a hearse. 

Instead of sitting there making ugly faces, Sasha really should’ve gotten up and left. Lick her wounds or something kekek.

Highlight: I’m into this Bayley/Bianca thing they’re building

---

Takeover WarGames:

I just think it’s so cool that wwe shelled out the money for a Black Sabbath song. Of course they can afford it, but for a Takeover? Points.

Nobody wants to come take out Candice rq? No? Nobody at all???

Oh hell yeah Dakota gets to start? Good for her, since she skipped out on it last year.

I don’t fucking get Ember Moon’s persona, but I like her lit gear tonight.

“Aiming it square at Team LeRae” sometimes I wonder if Vic is simply blind.

The concept of this match is fun, but it always feels a little hollow until the match actually starts.

So cool that they got Wade Barrett on commentary in nxt.

Sloppy headscissors by Ember, but Dakota sold well per usual. Not sure why they’d have Ember run the marathon.

I’d pay so much money to see the 4hw in a WarGames match.

Oh that’s cool, Raquel put her hand up to protect Ember’s face from Dakota’s kick. We appreciate a performer that protects her coworkers.

That sunset flip powerbomb by Shotzi onto Raquel off the ropes was neat.

Toni up in here just removing all the turnbuckles. I wonder if running into exposed turnbuckles actually hurts that much.

Toni barely taps Ember with a kendo stick and she acting like she’s dying.

Man that 6 woman thing was so choreographed. Even did a countdown.

Io ma’am we don’t-- we don’t need ladders... okay. Okay.

Io scaling the cage and Raquel knocking her off like in Super Mario Brothers.

I feel like WarGames is convoluted enough, but sure, let’s get into the winter of overbooked women’s matches. New season, same bullshit.

AHAHAHAHAH IO’S FUCKING SMILE. She is standing on top of the cage putting a garbage can over her head, and has the audacity to wear a shit eating grin. I cannot, this girl is crazy and I love her.

Stupid spot? Maybe. Is Io batshit insane for jumping like 10 feet down completely blind? Absolutely. Points.

CLEAN ddt by Io onto Raquel. Spiked.

Candice is dumb. Got a trash can lid standing opposite Shotzi who’s wielding a chair. Candice throws the lid, says ‘hold on’, then climbs through the ropes to grab a kendo stick while crying ‘help’. Grabs her kendo stick, goes to bat against Shotzi, gets her hand smashed lmao. Idiot.

Oh that was perfectly timed. Dakota busts Shotzi with a chair strike and barely even begins to turn around before Io missile dropkicks the chair into her from out of nowhere.

Dakota stuck a trash can over Io and then did a double stomp that impacted the trash can so badly she couldn’t slide it off lol. eesh.

Is Ember gonna attempt to Eclipse someone onto a set of upright chairs... Omg no. You’re gonna take the brunt of this, jfc don’t.

Oh good god what a fucking beautifully bad idea. I hope you’re okay bro. Man Dakota FLIPPED over. Nasty, nasty move.

That Storm Zero through a trash can was ace. Honestly I see a lot more potential for Toni here in nxt than over on UK.

This is a really good match. 

It’s not that I hate the coffin drop off the ladder onto Candice, but Candice really ruined it by preemptively grabbing a chair and holding it on top of herself. Kind of spelled out exactly how that was gonna go.

Io and Rhea make an amazing team.

Rhea and being thrown into the cage on the outside of the ropes, name a more iconic duo. I’ve heard that’s the worst part about cage matches cuz your skin legit gets dragged against the links as you slide down.

Holy shit Io just got powerbombed through a ladder. OOF.

That’s the ending?? Raquel pinned Io for the ending??? Holllllyyyy shit.

Interestingly enough, I’d have to say the 2 team captains did the least amount of notable work.

What took out Shotzi: On screen the last bump she took was her coffin drop onto Candice, which kept her from saving Io. Mess.

Some great spots for sure. Recency bias might be a thing, but I feel like I enjoyed this one more than last year’s.

Highlight: That Eclipse onto the chairs to Dakota was WICKED

---

*BONUS*

Main Event:

Main event giving people promo time? Is this typical??

Okay look. You acknowledged Alexa is brainwashed. You acknowledged that she chose him (even though she’s brainwashed so you really shouldn’t be upset). Now you’re claiming SHE came out and slapped you, as if you haven’t been relentlessly bothering her about her boyfriend that she chose because she’s brainwashed, and as if you weren’t the one who came out and confronted her. Is this not super problematic to anyone else??? Nikki this doesn’t make you a victim or even a decent person/friend lmao.

It’s a good promo though. Good delivery, very buyable.

WHY DO I GOTTA HEAR THE CAW MUSIC???

I know Lacey’s being a bitch, but it’s an awful hair style, Sarah. I’m sorry.

Lmao Lacey is so god damn funny when she has someone to play off of. I can see the appeal in her and Peyton, I can see it. I can see it. The pairing should absolutely not last long because Lord they’re abysmal in the ring together, but outside? Swell, just swell.

Lacey will always have a job solely for her character work if nothing else.

Haha Lacey running from Nikki. She’s a treat.

Really thought that spinning heel kick was gonna be the end of it.

This match is definitely Main Event(tm) worthy, but I’m glad it has some semblance of a story going into it.

Peyton’s jump kick looks dumb.

Probably for the best that Nikki loses this, even if Peyton is awful.

---

*WarGames was definitely the highlight in an otherwise really lame week of wrestling. I don’t even have a runner-up, I’m just thankful for WarGames.

[revaie]

all of the "real creepy shit" asks :3c

owowowowounder the read more bc its alot

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes! atleast i hope so (it was my mom)

 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

omg ive actually talked to some ppl about this recently,,,yes maybe? i’m turning 16 in january so i dont think its that big of an age difference

 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

idk im happy and aggravated alot

 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

yup!

 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

i don’t think so??

 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

i cant remember, all i remember is listening to havana on the radio shjagladfi

 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

a nightgown!

 8. How often do you listen to music?

everyday

 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

sweats

 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?

fuck yes (2018: no)

 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

antisocial

 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

buddy i havent kissed anyone

 13. What about ‘R’?

^

 14. Can you drive a stick shift?

whats a stick shift

 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

i always say that i dont but ig i do?

 16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope :

 17. When was the last time you cried?

yesterday

 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yup

 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

YES

 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

…..yes….

 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

hmm…kinda wanted to eat more, but other than that, i don’t think so?

 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

idk?? for me ig it would kinda be like ‘????’

 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

lol no

 24. What are you sitting on right now?

my bed

 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

not really

 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

YES

 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

uh…i think it was carl?

 28. Do you get a lot of colds?

kinda?

 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

idk omg ive had it for so long

 30. Does anyone hate you?

yes lmao

 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

no

 32. Do you like watching scary movies?

yup!

 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

YES

 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

only one? i want to delete my whole childhood….

 35. Did you have a dream last night?

yeah

 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

today

 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

lol no

 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

i do know!

 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

maybe?

 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

it was okay

 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

no but my ex recently broke up with me

 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

maybe? (yes if my mom counts hfjak)

 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yeah my parents

 44. What’s the best part about school?

 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

yeah??

 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

ofc

 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

literally everything pls help

 48. Were you single over the last summer?

ya

 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

no

 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

nothing really…maybe working on rqs

 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

nope!

 52. Are you nice to everyone?

no

 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yes?

 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

if its a polyam relationship!

 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

apparently

 56. Do you think you like someone?

i know i like someone ghfujak

 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

i get nervous around girls omg so boys ig?

 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

i…don’t have many friends, theyre mostly my cousins shkjgfda,,,but yeah

 60. Do you hate anyone?

ya

 61. How’s your heart?

not to be dramatic but broken

 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

of course??

 63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

sadly yes

 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

this question is actually so funny probably isabella or w/e tf her name is

 65. Are your toenails painted pink?

no?

 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

hopefully not

 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

idk?? ik that i wouldnt

 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

nope

 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

eden

 70. How do you look right now?

idk i was wearing mascara and i rubbed my eye

 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

kinda?

 72. Can you commit to one person?

n o…..maybe?

 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

nope

 74. Have you ever felt replaced?

y e s

 75. Did you wake up cranky?

kinda??

 76. Are you a jealous person?

i am a green eyed monster

 77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yeah!

 78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

i dont think so?

 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

YES

 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

shop i think

 81. Last person you cried in front of?

my mom

 82. Is there someone you will never forget?

of course..

 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

yes!! even if it’s just a little bit, it still makes me super happy!!

 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk omg i’d be too shy to talk

 85. Are you over your past?

n o p e

 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

hmm…i wouldnt say hes my bestfriend, but yes?

 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

kinda

 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

i kinda doubt i have a “true love”…but if this means first relationship, than no

 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i feel like this is just bullying me now

 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

yes omg

 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

SADLY YES

 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

…was i? i don’t think so?

 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

HOW AM I EXPECTED TO REMEMBER WHO I LIKED IN MARCH SHKFJGLA

 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

ya shes kinda pretty

 97. Who do you have texts from?

alot of people?

 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

hm lets see…”really i was right? i…just wanted to see if my guess was right!”

DESPERATELY HOPES THEY WON’T SEE THIS………………..

 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

i’m not in it ghfkjad

 101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

alright fuck u too

 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

YES

[foxofthedesert]

RQ OUaT FF | OGA: Ch. 16

Chapter 16 – A Merry Old Land (AO3 Link)

Before joining Snow and Charming in the courtyard, Regina stops by her bedroom to take her own advice and change out of her formal attire. In Oz, mobility and infiltration will be key, which means dressing down in plain yet flexible riding leathers of the sort she wears during Wolf's Time while taking Miguel, her beloved steed Rocinante's son, out for a run with Red. Coming home caked with dirt from head to toe on their first such outing had taught her a valuable lesson about selection of attire when on such an excursion.

Red loves to play every bit as much on four legs as two, so she had enthusiastically persuaded Regina to leave the dry safety of her mount several times to frolic through the woods like a couple of hormonal youths. Intermittent rains over the previous week had turned the forest floor into a muddy soup of limbs and leaves, making footing unsure while making an awful mess of her knee high boots and custom embroidered breeches. Needless to say, the fancy leathers she'd worn that day were all but ruined by the time the sun got low on the horizon. The fun they had did not prevent her from being a bit peeved about the destruction of what were very expensive garments. She remembers quite clearly how she had sniped at Red the entire way back to the castle, blaming her for the sartorial catastrophe. How silly she had behaved over something so inconsequential.

Upon entering the bedroom, her eyes immediately fall to the bed, which has remained unoccupied since she stumbled out of it days earlier. Since waking from the energy-sapped coma induced by fighting her sister and remembering what happened to Red, there has been no incentive to return to this room save to do as she is at present, namely to change clothes. Bathing and sleeping has been accomplished elsewhere, as she hasn't been able to muster up enough courage to do so within the space she has so long shared with Red. In her wife's absence, she has avoided their bed altogether, having refused to even touch it, not to mention crawling beneath the covers for an entire night. Without her wife tucked in close beside her, the bed will only feel vacuous and isolated and devoid of all warmth, just as it had when Leopold was alive. And that is a something Regina never again wishes to experience.

When Red is present, she does not have to worry about such feelings. There is rarely space more than an arms breadth between their bodies at night, and despite how she used to require plenty of room to avoid feeling suffocated, even that is too much for her to bear at times. There is nothing quite like the feel of Red surrounding her with a strong embrace and that heady, naturally sweet scent that soothes away every last worry. Red's mere presence is enough to ward off most of the nightmares Regina has long suffered from and is able to settle her whirling mind, which is often beset by matters of state that are perplexing if not outright aggravating to solve. She can't imagine laying in bed without that soothing balm to coax her to sleep. No doubt if she tried, all she would do is toss and turn restlessly, and if she did get any rest at all, it would be plagued by reliving the terror of finding Red sprawled out on the bathroom floor.

In the nights that have passed since Red was stricken down, Regina has not slept very much. Her vigil at Red's bedside has kept her occupied in her downtime from ruling and when exhaustion manages to overcome her, she often curls up against her wife's side, head tucked gingerly upon a slowly rising chest. That once reliable, noble heartbeat so weak under her ears is only ever able to lull her into a fitful slumber that is over before more than two hours have passed. More than once she has fallen asleep sitting beside the bed in a chair she pulled up close while clutching Red's hand and perusing some legal or commercial or intelligence document that required immediate attention, only to gasp awake due to a paralyzing nightmare that escapes recollection upon her return to awareness. Most of the time, she simply forces herself to stay awake and has survived up til this point on those inadequate cat naps.

Lack of sleep and a nearly constant tension have conspired together to push Regina to the limits of her composure. She is physically and emotionally drained, irritated, and scared out of her mind. She misses her wife with every fiber of her being. She hates her sister with the fury of a thousand burning suns. And she just wants to sleep for an entire week straight. Such a luxury, sadly, is one she cannot afford. Not until Red is safe or they are both in the grave.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Regina meanders over to the closet. After stripping down to her undergarments and carefully hanging her dress upon a rack for Iris to store away, she twirls her back-length hair into a hasty bun and then picks out a pair of her most comfortable leathers. She shimmies into the breeches and buttons the tunic with practiced efficiency.

Dyed jet black, the garments are adorned by silver filigree about the breasts which runs down the sides of the tunic and pants alike as well as along with the edges of a high semi-circular collar. They are the ones she'd worn the first time she rode into battle at the head of her army. They are designed to be easily cleaned and to provide maximum flexibility as well as for effect. The latter is achieved by the intricacy of the filigree and the stunning amethyst gemstones she'd had attached to the shoulders, which are imbued with magic that made them glow and pulsate every time she drew on her powers. Wearing the leathers helps to bolster her energy as well as her mental defenses, for they are a reminder that she is a woman whose power stretches far beyond that which her title has bestowed upon her. She is an infamous sorceress, a warrior magician, and fear of her has sent many individuals of esteemed valor fleeing in terror.

Back straightening as she slides her hands down the front of her tunic, she preens before the mirror situated against the wall to the right of the closet. The feel of the tight but supple material against her skin is welcome after so long, and she is particularly pleased to note that they still fit perfectly. What few noble ladies she could tolerate interacting with on a regular basis had warned her that she was likely to gain weight after her marriage as they did. They had not accounted for the fact that she married a woman whose boundless stores of energy translated into frequent excursions outdoors, which incidentally afforded Regina plenty of physical activity to stay at peak fitness. And that is not to mention the high quality aerobics they practice while inside and behind closed doors. Sex with Red is often an acrobatic affair, usually characterized by lengthy exertions that leave both of them boneless and trembling as much due to the meteoric intensity of their orgasms as to them being physically expended. It really is the best form of exercise...

Now prepared for whatever may come, she abandons her chambers and quickly makes her way out of the castle. She sweeps into the courtyard feeling empowered and arrogant. While she may no longer be the Evil Queen, she is capable of equipping her former persona like a coat of proven, well-worn armor. Wrapping that dark, unflinching resolve around her body and heart allows her to accomplish objectives without any of the moral or ethical considerations that might cause hesitation.

In the coming hours, she will almost certainly be facing some difficult decisions. Hell, she may have to stoop down into the dregs to get what she wants, requiring her to further stain her conscience. The woman she used to be had gleefully inhabited the wrong side of the conscientious divide and had no quandaries about acting however viciously or deplorably she must to secure her goals. And while at present she does not wish to kill if she can avoid doing so, she is not above it should the need arise. To save Red, she's ready, willing, and able to baptize Oz in an ocean of blood.

Predictably, both Snow and Charming gape as they catch sight of her state of dress, and she levels a haughty smirk in their direction. Condescension, like a neglected old friend, greets her with a welcoming smile. Jefferson, who is standing close by, seems to have no reaction at all at her arrival, which is unsurprising when he has seen her at her worst.

"Should I meet my sister again," she says to the Charmings in lieu of empty pleasantries, "perhaps she will think twice about provoking me. I am not the weakling she once believed me to be."

"No, you aren't," Snow agrees. "But isn't that getup a little too intimidating? I mean, what if we need the help of the locals but they're too afraid of you to offer it?"

Regina shrugs as if the idea is inconsequential, which to her it is. Asking anyone for help is a last resort, as exemplified by reaching out to Snow. Had anything less than Red's life been on the line, she would have gone at Zelena alone. She has always worked best that way when in pursuit of unsavory ends. Her mission now may be noble, but it is as likely as not that she will need to get her hands dirty before all is said and done. The fewer people she has to interact with, the better the chance no one other than Zelena perishes.

"That is no concern of mine, Snow," she says, a bit ruefully. "The locals will help whether they wish to or not. I will compel them if I must, and by whatever means necessary."

Snow is, of course, correct that the simple folk of Oz will take one look at her and decide she is a nightmare come to life. That said, she has ways of coercing their aid if necessary. Truth be told, she is sort of looking forward to the opportunity to take her really scary side out for a spin. Which only reinforces the wisdom in avoiding confrontation wherever possible.

"Regina…"

"Save it!" Regina's nostrils flare as she cuts off Snow's objection. "I warned you that the end of my vendetta is not an indication everything has changed. I am still the same woman who cut down swathes of her enemies in battle without mercy or remorse. With Red's life hanging in the balance, you'd best reconcile yourself to the fact that I am likely to do things on this venture you will find reprehensible. I intend to avoid extremes where possible, but make no mistake, I am prepared to bloody my hands for both our sakes so that you may remain unsullied and thereby obtain the ingredients to make that cure. All I require from you is to come along, keep your trap shut, and do as I say."

Snow frowns at the brash, heartless nature of the speech, though that is the extent of her disapproval. "Fine," she concedes, "but you should also be aware that I will do whatever I can to ensure no one is unnecessarily harmed."

Regina inclines her head in perfunctory acknowledgment poorly imitating respect, though her subsequent words are filtered through gritted teeth. "From you, I expect nothing less." With Snow's petty concerns dealt with, she turns to Charming. "Have you spoken with Captain Rodrigo?"

"I have," Charming replies, arms crossed over his chest. "As soon as you and Snow leave, I'm going to review the Citadel's defenses and organize a permanent rotating guard for the Royal Wing of the palace. I'll personally inspect the walls once I'm done with that. I got some good experience with siege warfare helping Abigail defend her realm from George."

Regina read her spies reports of that conflict with great interest. Charming conducted himself admirably, as had Snow, in helping the newly crowned Queen Abigail and her knightly consort Frederick put down George's attempted usurpation. In spite of the realm being ripe for the taking in the wake of Midas' untimely demise, the move was all the same bold, daring, and quite unexpected. She had thought that old goat was gone for good after being run off by his replacement son and his dead rival's daughter. George always was resilient, though. And ruthless. His attack on the kingdom once ruled by his brother-in-law Midas was swift and brutal. The forces he assembled in secret, away from the prying eyes of even Regina's extensive network of spies, cut a swath of indiscriminate destruction through the realm. The invasion took a straight line from the border with Stefan's kingdom – an alliance of convenience to depose their mutual enemy – to the Capital and left thousands dead. Twice as many were wounded and more above that displaced by the loss of property.

Red had not been pleased she was forbidden from throwing her lot in with her old friends. Aside from the ghastly political impropriety of a non-allied Queen joining the fray, there was no way Regina was about to risk her wife's safety over a foreign conflict. Especially considering her intelligence officers assured her the war was well in hand for the rightful regime. With gold aplenty, Midas' military was the strongest of all the realms this side of the Great Indigo Ocean. They had been caught with their pants down to be sure, but were able to rally inside the Citadel and hold out long enough for Snow and Charming to ride to the rescue. How the insufferable do-gooders managed to sneak inside that impenetrable fortress in the middle of a siege, Regina never found out. But sneak in they did, and with their counsel and the benefit of their modest forces marshaled in the forests less than three miles away, it was only a matter of time before the tides turned.

News of George's defeat reached the Dark Palace less than a week later. Red was cross for a whole month besides while Regina remained unrepentant for what Red referred to as her 'unfair imprisonment.' Unfair it may have been, and a form of imprisonment if viewed from a certain perspective, but Red was alive and unharmed and Regina hadn't had to spend a month straight pacing and fretting and doing sorcery just to check up on her wife every half hour. To her, that was a victory worth being proud of in and of itself.

"I'm aware of your accomplishments," she says to Charming after a brief pause. Their shady history aside, her highly detailed intelligence of that event allows her to trust his competence in military matters. He really had performed brilliantly, especially for a former shepherd. She wasn't going to tell him that, though. "As I said, whatever resources you require to keep Red safe, you have them. I do not expect to be gone long, but if you feel the need to transfer units from nearby garrisons to reinforce the Citadel, do so. Conscript the nobles and arm the peasants if you must. Just keep her alive. Also, have Rodrigo supply you with any intelligence reports on neighboring realms he deems applicable to our present…precarious situation. Stefan's in particular. I sent my top officer there because of some villages that were burned. In light of Zelena's actions, I suspect she might have been behind those attacks."

Charming rests his hand on the pommel of his sword and nods. "You just get what you need to cure Red and make sure my wife comes back alive and in one piece. I'll take care of the rest."

The former Regina would do whether he wanted her to or not. It's the latter she has a problem with. Under normal circumstances, ensuring Snow's safety would not rank high upon her list of priorities. But these are strange times where she is being forced to make distasteful compromises. To gain access to the grove wherein grows the main ingredient required to cure Zelena's sleeping curse, Snow will need to be at the very minimum alive and conscious. Not to mention what Red would say if her best friend got killed on some totally reckless, utterly irresponsible mission to save her life. Guilt would eat her alive, and Regina could only bear that thought slightly more than she could failing altogether.

With that in mind, it behooves her to protect Snow as fiercely as she will have to her own life. It will take both of them to get this done. So if she has to swallow some crow and make a promise that churns the bile in her stomach, she will do so.

The things I do for love, she thinks forlornly. Aloud, she speaks using every bit of her willpower to sound sincere. "You have my word that I will do everything in my power on both accounts. That's the best I can offer, unfortunately, as there are no guarantees in this world or any other."

"That'll just have to be enough then. Won't it?"

Charming's rhetorical is as close to acceptance she is going to get. "I suppose it will." Having satisfied the shepherd king, she whirls on Jefferson, who is anxiously kneading the brim of his famous hat between his fingers while trying to appear nonplussed. "Are you ready to do your job, Mr. Hatter?"

"I am, Your Majesty," he says with stiff formality.

She nods and then gestures toward the ground. "Then lets get on with it. I have a wife to save, a sister to kill, and precious time is wasting."

Seeing the sharp glint of steel in her eyes, Jefferson obliges without delay.

Upon arrival in Oz, Regina immediately scouts out the surroundings. The party of three have emerged at a crossroads between a major thoroughfare paved of gleaming golden bricks. The well-traveled paths that intersect leave much to be desired in comparison to the brilliance of the yellow brick road.

Meanwhile, the Emerald City lies just in the distance. A tiny, dull speck of jade to the naked eye, it is yet near enough that it can be seen shimmering faintly against the waning sunlight. There is something about it, though, that strikes Regina as odd. The light emanating from the city has an almost sickly tint to it, as if the city were suffering from some sort of metaphysical malady that seems to be prevalent everywhere she turns her eyes.

This is not the splendidly majestic Oz of lore. The tomes she had read reputed the realm to be home to mystical beings beyond the pale of those which inhabit the Enchanted. Forests and glens and mountains are said to thrive here, all of them suffused with a pulsating liveliness that energizes every pore and molecule of the world.

Instead, everything seems on the verge of death. A heavy pall permeates the air. The grass is parched, brown, and brittle, and does not so much as sway in the low breeze which Regina notes smells of acrid decay. Upon the fringes of the forest nearby, she spots rows of trees which once must have been magnificent. Wide bows, sprawling limbs, and leaves that once likely sparkled in the moonlight are now gnarled and withered as if arthritic, drawing in upon themselves and drooping mournfully under the weight of forlorn looking foliage. It is a depressing sight, and she has her suspicions as to the root cause behind this pervasive degeneration.

Still, it is well in the evening, and though the timing of their arrival is unexpected, it is nonetheless a welcomed bit of happenstance. With night soon to fall, it will be much less risky to travel the ostentatious road – beside which they now stand – that leads to their first destination. The awful state of the local flora aside, their auspicious timing has her spirits up.

Grinning with uncharacteristic optimism, Regina turns to find Snow studying her surroundings much as she had. Her fellow monarch is currently surveying for threats in the way only a practiced outlaw can with sorrowful eyes that appear excessively piteous to the general rot that has overtaken Oz. Snow always had a tender heart capable of compassion for all life forms great and small, yet her time as an outlaw has hardened her enough that she remains vigilant for any sign of threats. Regina is relieved that she has not lost that vital survival instinct after so long sitting idly upon a cushy throne. As much as Snow's pure heart is required to open the gates of the Sacred Grove, Regina is also cognizant of the usefulness presented by a bandit princess who was a renowned forager, tracker, archer, and swordswoman. Those skills will come in very handy in a land as foreboding as it is foreign.

Jefferson, however, is another story altogether. Upon arriving, he ignores their environment as he flips his hat onto his head and then crosses his arms. Steely eyes meet Regina's unflinchingly. She narrows her lids at him, annoyed at his standoffish attitude.

"Something the matter, Jefferson?" she inquires. Snow turns at the sound of her voice, fixing their third traveling companion with a curious gaze of her own.

"This is as far as I go," he answers, determined posture equaled by the sternness of his tone. "I've brought you to Oz as agreed. But I won't risk my life for you, Regina, or for your precious Queen. I have a daughter to look after who needs her father to back come home alive. To see that happens, I aim to wait here for your return."

Regina's expression turns dangerously sour. "That is unacceptable! How am I to trust that you won't abandon us the moment we're out of sight?"

"Not my problem," he shoots back, clearly thinking about how she'd left him in Wonderland.

Perhaps, she thinks, this is his plan: to pay her back for her betrayal with one of his own. It is a bold move, but even if that is not his plan and his word is genuine, she cannot afford to take a chance.

Striding forward, she plunges her hand into his chest without warning. Before he can even flinch a muscle, his heart is being ripped free from his chest to the pleasing accompaniment of his pain-filled grunt. Snow shouts a feeble protest, of course, but Regina ignores it as she snaps her fingers to summon two pouches. One she fastens to her belt once Jefferson's vibrantly thrumming heart is securely tucked inside. The other she offers to Jefferson, who is bent over at the waist, panting as he hatefully seethes at her.

"Take it," she commands, leaving no room in her tone for refusal. He does so, taking the pouch by the strap.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" he asks, voice strained with anger and pain.

She doesn't bother to answer verbally. Instead, she plunges her hand into her chest and plucks out her own heart. Unlike Jefferson, she does not keel over in pain or give any sign of distress other than a slight wince. She has done this enough that she is prepared for the pain.

What is strange, however, is how differently she feels without her heart in her chest in comparison to the other times she has experimented with removing the vital organ. Normally all of her feelings would dull, dampened by the absence of the seat of her emotions. But here in Oz, she still feels strongly, almost but not quite as if her heart were still in place. It is a strange phenomenon, and she wishes to investigate it further but lacks the time to do so.

Without preamble, she offers Jefferson her heart.

"It's for this," she then explains, extending her arm, hand out, palm up, her half-black heart throbbing inside it. She glances at it, awestruck that so much color has returned to its surface. She knows Red is responsible for this definitive recovering, and seeing the proof of that is enough to further buttress her belief that she is doing the right thing. There is no limit to what she is willing to do to save someone whose love has proven capable of healing the darkest of hearts.

"So that we may trust one another," she continues, "I shall have your heart, and you shall have mine. Mutually assured destruction will serve as guarantee that we both keep our word. When Snow and I return, I will replace them where they belong. I swear on the life of my beloved that I will honor this agreement if you will do the same."

For a moment, Jefferson stares dumbly at her, evidently having trouble processing what she has suggested and done. But then determination straightens his shoulders and he gives her an abrupt nod.

"Fine. I agree. As if I have any other choice..." And then he takes her heart from her outstretched hand.

The moment Jefferson touches her heart, Regina seizes up with trepidation. Her hand hovers at the pouch resting against her hip, magic at the ready should the Hatter's fingers flinch a little too aggressively. Her gesture of goodwill has made her incredibly vulnerable, but it was the only way she saw that would assure Jefferson's compliance without comprising the mission. Now he has no choice but to wait and to keep his word. She will feel any pressure that he applies to her heart, and she knows he is aware that she will react accordingly.

To his credit, Jefferson handles her heart with appropriate care, and places it in the pouch with easy, deliberate movements. It is only after he ties the pouch shut that Regina relaxes.

She turns to Snow, who is looking a bit shocked at the development. Snapping her fingers in front of the gaping woman's face, she raises a brow when Snow looks at her owlishly. "Now, with that taken care of, I'd like to get a move on if you don't mind." She speaks with sarcasm so that Snow is perfectly aware that she is in control and that her statement is to be taken as a command not a suggestion.

Snow nods. "Okay, yeah." Taking a breath, she moves aside to allow Regina to move past her. "Lead the way."

Regina does so, stepping off of the grass onto the yellow bricks that gleam a gorgeous hue of orange in the low light of the sun. Before starting off down the road, she glances back at Jefferson over her shoulder.

"If all goes well, we'll return within a day's time," she tells him. "Wait for us in the woods nearby."

Jefferson scoffs derisively. "Are you serious? Without weapons? What if a lion, or tiger, or bear wander by? How am I supposed to defend myself?"

"There are plenty of trees around," she smirks. "I'd suggest you pick a tall one." And with that, she sets off down the road, leaving a spluttering Jefferson to fend for himself. She laughs at his indignation and merrily makes her way toward her target, ignoring Snow's disapproval boring hotly at into back of her head. The Emerald City awaits and nothing will deter her from reaching it.

It takes five minutes for Snow to catch up to the punishing pace Regina sets, and when she does, she steps into place at her former step-mother's side. Out of the corner of her eye, Regina notices that Snow is missing her sword.

A sable brow raises. "Decided to lend the Hatter your sword, did you? I'm not sure that is the wisest choice."

"I couldn't just leave him there defenseless," Snow returns, aggravation written all over her face. "That was unnecessary, Regina."

Regina grins. "Amusing, though. Still, you may come to rue that decision should we encounter trouble."

Snow does not seem convinced. "If we do, I'll handle it the way I always do. With a well placed arrow."

Shrugging, Regina refocuses on the yellow brick road, eyes following it up to the horizon where it becomes nearly invisible as it disappears into the city. "It's your funeral." And with that, the conversation ceases.

They walk for miles with nary a word spoken between them. Snow silently vacillates between watching their flanks with keen eyes, bow never out of her hand, and stewing on her irritation at Regina leaving Jefferson unprotected. Several times she opens her mouth as if about to make some biting remark only to decide against it. Regina hopes it is because she has taken the warning posed before they departed to heart. It really is best if Snow simply keeps her trap shut. The less that brat talks, the less annoyed Regina will become, thus the less likely it will be that Snow is reduced to a pile of smoldering ashes before their trip is over.

She may well need Snow to get her into the grove, but after? Well, that's another matter entirely...

[airoasis]

Consciousness -- the final frontier | Dada Gunamuktananda | TEDxNoosa 2014

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/consciousness-the-final-frontier-dada-gunamuktananda-tedxnoosa-2014-3/

Consciousness -- the final frontier | Dada Gunamuktananda | TEDxNoosa 2014

Translator: Nadine Hennig Reviewer: Denise RQ thanks. I need to say i’m very impressed with the best way Mary said my identify. I couldn’t have mentioned it better myself. (Laughter) About 25 years in the past, I was once in my final 12 months of scientific tuition, however i’d been doubting my career option for fairly a while. Then at some point, I went to take blood from a candy little historical girl. Struck an artery as a substitute of a vein. I nonetheless don’t know how I did that. As blood spurted out in all places the place, I mentioned to myself, "Yep, you’re undoubtedly in the improper career here." (Laughter) So within the interests of all worried, I dropped out and grew to become a yogi rather. (Laughter) (Applause) consequently my unconventional appearance. Definitely, it can be now not the one cause for my unconventional look. Certainly one of many shall we embrace. So i might like to share with you the yogic notion of house, our internal area, what we experience within ourselves – i’m redefining the terms somewhat right here – and outer area, the whole thing outside ourselves. We reside in a large Universe. To offer you some notion of its measurement, if we took the universe to be the size of our planet Earth, then our planet Earth could be a couple of billionth the dimensions of a pin head in evaluation.A billionth the size of one of those. I am conserving up a pin, in the event you are not able to see it. It can be my prop. (Laughter) There you go. It’s the identical one. It simply is the same one. A billionth the scale of one of those compared to one of those. By the way, a billionth of measurement of a pinhead is ready a millionth the scale of a grain of sand, or in regards to the typical measurement of an atom, so take your prefer. In spite of everything, the idea is that it’s really, particularly, really small in comparison with the dimensions of the Universe. So does that help put it in point of view? I think that gives us some inspiration of the size of our Universe. An highly enormous and intricate Universe which we have been expected to think, in line with present day science, appeared out of nothing without any intention in the back of it.That’s genuinely like expecting us to think that our telephones and laptops just fell into situation with out someone designing them or hanging them collectively. In step with biologist Rupert Sheldrake "today’s science is based on the principle, ‘supply us one free miracle and we’ll provide an explanation for the rest.’" (Laughter) "And the one free miracle is the looks of all of the matter and energy of the universe and all of the legal guidelines that govern it from nothing, in a single immediate." but modern day science is solely now coming round to the conclusions held through yogic science for millennia, to an explanation of our Universe that’s going to take our understanding to a whole new stage, and that’s that each the substance and the intention of the Universe come from a deeper reality than the material one we in general perceive with our minds and senses.And that reality is cognizance. An all-pervading, blissful attention, inherent in every body and everything. Simply as your possess awareness is the essence of your own intellect, cosmic consciousness is the essence of the entire Universe. It exists inside everything, and the whole lot exists within it. Very nearly, all people and the whole lot is part of and full of realization. Think that. Nonetheless, we,for motives I is not going to go into now, have largely given up on the suggestion of a higher awareness in our contemporary world view. Within the last 100 years or so, today’s science has come to an awfully mechanistic tackle fact. What if although mind, subject, and space have been all filled with realization? What if the possibility of cognizance as a higher truth had been every bit as real as any of our present constructs of fact? And what if it could provide us, if most effective we were open to it, some very real benefits in working out our world and where we fit into it, when compared to some very severe negative aspects of a materialist world view? In a materialist world view of an arbitrary, mechanistic, unfeeling Universe, there is each purpose to think alienated, lonely, frightened, and depressed.And if we do not suppose it ourselves, all of us too more often than not see it in others, and within the malaise of our society. Materialism does not engender optimism in humans or society. Then again, in a blissfully conscious Universe, there may be every intent to believe inherently related to people and to the arena, to think loved, hopeful, comfortable, and at peace with oneself and others. In the words of my guru Shrii Shrii Anandamurti, "you might be certainly not alone or helpless. The force that guides the celebrities courses you, too." So alternatively than looking to validate a worldview which makes us sad and afraid of the long run, I suppose, we will have to be seeking to validate a worldview which gives us success and hope for the longer term, not simply as individuals however as a society.The advantages of a mindful world view are giant. And it can be potentially no much less legitimate than any of our constructs of fabric truth. This is not just wishful considering. Correctly, the essence of the Universe is consciousness is just as legitimate a premise as the essence of the Universe is subject. The only difference is that one can be sensed and the opposite cannot. We will understand topic with our minds and with scientific dimension, but we are able to best expertise consciousness internally. We must find it inside ourselves. There was once a Sufi mystic referred to as Nasr Utem. I really stayed in his place of birth in Turkey for a number of days once. And there are numerous reviews about how he used to educate in eccentric and humorous ways. Some of the reviews goes that he misplaced the key to his house, and that he was watching for it one night outside underneath a streetlamp. A passerby asked him, what he was once doing. "i am looking for the key to my condominium." "the place did you lose it?", she asked."somewhere inside my condominium." Then naturally she said: "good, for those who lost inside of your apartment, why are you watching for it outside?" "considering that it can be darkish inside of," he responded. (Laughter) We have got to appear for what we’re looking for within the right position. Although it’s rough to seem for it there. It can be handy to appear external, no longer so effortless to seem within. In line with yoga teachings, realization lies within, and so we ought to appear for it there. But here is the catch, not intellectually. It can be now not whatever we will understand with the mind. Take the case of a light bulb, for illustration. A light bulb is ready of shining light on the room around it however not on the vigour which illuminates it. In the identical means, we’re ready of comprehending the world round us but not the recognition which animates us. It’s past the usual functioning of the intellect, past phrases, beyond even notion itself.The core of our being will not be some thing that may even be spoken about let on my own concept of. I think, we’re all aware of the announcing by using Descartes, "I think, for this reason i’m." however that is what yogic philosophy says, "after I stop thinking then I fairly am." (Laughter) simply given that we are not able to suppose of anything, just seeing that we can not prove something scientifically, doesn’t mean it is no longer there. We cannot prove a mom’s love for her baby but that does not mean it is no longer there. It’s a topic of the guts, and issues of the center can’t be fathomed with the aid of the intellect. So fabric science can on no account get to the guts of what it particularly means to be human. We are able to simplest validate the essence of our existence by means of the deepest internal experience of attention inside us. About now, you perhaps thinking that that is all a bit of ethereal-fairy and New Age.Even i’m starting to feel to myself. (Laughter) So I want to provide you with a couple of transient examples of scientists that have additionally stated the possibility of attention as a greater truth. There don’t seem to be a lot of them. However people who there are, are rather distinctive. I is not going to spend too much time on this, actually i will to try to finish before I begin. (Laughter) Max Planck, the daddy of quantum thought, considered awareness as predominant. "I regard matter as by-product from attention.We are not able to get at the back of consciousness. The whole lot that we talk about, everything that we regard as current postulates consciousness," this from the pioneer of quantum theory. A little later, the physicist James jeans wrote: "The flow of talents is heading toward a non-mechanical reality. The Universe begins to seem extra like a exceptional suggestion than like a great machine." and that i better throw in whatever from Einstein right here just to provide it somewhat extra umph. (Laughter) "essentially the most wonderful and profound emotion we are able to experience is the feeling of the paranormal. It’s on the root of all proper science.That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning vigour which is revealed in the incomprehensible Universe is my inspiration of God." ultimately, I wish to provide you with an instance of a ultra-modern scientist who virtually experienced greater consciousness first hand. Dr. Eben Alexander is a neuroscientist who had like a lot of his colleagues bought into the idea that the mind creates its own consciousness. Then, relatively ironically, he shrunk an extraordinarily infrequent mind infection which put him in a coma for a week in the course of which he skilled the heightened and enlightened state of attention, youngsters that he was once clinically mind lifeless at the time.He mentioned: "throughout my seven days of coma, I no longer most effective remained totally conscious but journeyed to a wonderful world of beauty and peace and unconditional love. I underwent the most spectacular experience of my existence, my realization travelling to an extra stage." Dr. Alexander is now on a mission to convince the mind science neighborhood to, as he places it, "graduate from kindergarten" and move on from the idea that the brain creates its own fact. Now, fortunately for you and that i, aside from examples comparable to these, there just so happens to be a scientific and scientific procedure of validating consciousness for my part in our day-to-day lives. I believe you will not be amazed to hear me say that that is going to be meditation.Meditation is intuitional science the place attention is substantiated by means of purely first-hand inner experience. By way of meditation, it is completely possible to experience greater consciousness as every bit as real as you and that i sitting in this room proper now. Once I had a primarily illuminating meditation experience where I felt the entire room used to be full of a area of awareness vibrating with cognizance and with bliss. It used to be so intense, so tangible. The sensation I had at the time that I would cut it with a knife. It was once undeniably actual then and i still haven’t any doubt about it to this day. By means of meditation, one has many such experiences that finally lead to the consciousness of one’s consciousness. Why don’t we go ahead correct now and check out to expertise better attention via meditation? Lets supply it a are attempting? It might no longer have took place to you when you woke up this morning that you’d be meditating at present, but there you go, some thing is feasible. So I invite you to the shut your eyes for a minute or so. Recall to breathe, and check out no longer to fall asleep, i do know, it has been a long day. And off by using the centering your self.Center of attention for your sense of self. Think the center of yourself. (track begins playing) Now feel that you are absolutely at peace. Think peace and happiness throughout you. Believe infinite happiness throughout you. Now feel that you’re merging into that limitless happiness. Feel that your possess feel of recognition is merging into the infinite consciousness around you. Consider that your possess attention is merging into the limitless realization throughout you. Believe yourself fitting one with it. Feel that you’re one with it. Believe that you’re it, and proceed like that for a number of more seconds. Now, doesn’t that believe better? Dada Gunamuktananda: sure? No? (viewers) sure. Anyway, you would have gotten a glimpse simply now into the possibility that your own cognizance is one with the realization of the entire Universe. That it’s within you as good as all around you. That it’s actual, and which you can consider it, for those who relatively try. And now not best suppose it but know it is at the core of your being.This is not simply an abstract notion, it is about the essence of us all. It is about discovering the better cognizance inside our own cognizance, realizing our own inner reality is the larger universal reality. And the more we broaden our feel of truth, our sense of being, the more related we suppose to all beings. The happier we are, the less frightened, the much less lonely seeing that we appreciate that all is part of us, and that we are part of all. The inner quest allows the embracing of all inside ourselves, everybody, animals, crops… The planet. Humans, animals, and plants on different planets – yes, it’s a no brainer- the whole Universe. What i admire to assert is that just as the sector turns into a smaller situation with the development of conversation and transport science, so will the Universe emerge as a smaller situation with the development of meditation technological know-how. Thank you.(Applause) .

[batterymonster2021]

Consciousness -- the final frontier | Dada Gunamuktananda | TEDxNoosa 2014

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Consciousness -- the final frontier | Dada Gunamuktananda | TEDxNoosa 2014

Translator: Nadine Hennig Reviewer: Denise RQ thanks. I need to say i’m very impressed with the best way Mary said my identify. I couldn’t have mentioned it better myself. (Laughter) About 25 years in the past, I was once in my final 12 months of scientific tuition, however i’d been doubting my career option for fairly a while. Then at some point, I went to take blood from a candy little historical girl. Struck an artery as a substitute of a vein. I nonetheless don’t know how I did that. As blood spurted out in all places the place, I mentioned to myself, "Yep, you’re undoubtedly in the improper career here." (Laughter) So within the interests of all worried, I dropped out and grew to become a yogi rather. (Laughter) (Applause) consequently my unconventional appearance. Definitely, it can be now not the one cause for my unconventional look. Certainly one of many shall we embrace. So i might like to share with you the yogic notion of house, our internal area, what we experience within ourselves – i’m redefining the terms somewhat right here – and outer area, the whole thing outside ourselves. We reside in a large Universe. To offer you some notion of its measurement, if we took the universe to be the size of our planet Earth, then our planet Earth could be a couple of billionth the dimensions of a pin head in evaluation.A billionth the size of one of those. I am conserving up a pin, in the event you are not able to see it. It can be my prop. (Laughter) There you go. It’s the identical one. It simply is the same one. A billionth the scale of one of those compared to one of those. By the way, a billionth of measurement of a pinhead is ready a millionth the scale of a grain of sand, or in regards to the typical measurement of an atom, so take your prefer. In spite of everything, the idea is that it’s really, particularly, really small in comparison with the dimensions of the Universe. So does that help put it in point of view? I think that gives us some inspiration of the size of our Universe. An highly enormous and intricate Universe which we have been expected to think, in line with present day science, appeared out of nothing without any intention in the back of it.That’s genuinely like expecting us to think that our telephones and laptops just fell into situation with out someone designing them or hanging them collectively. In step with biologist Rupert Sheldrake "today’s science is based on the principle, ‘supply us one free miracle and we’ll provide an explanation for the rest.’" (Laughter) "And the one free miracle is the looks of all of the matter and energy of the universe and all of the legal guidelines that govern it from nothing, in a single immediate." but modern day science is solely now coming round to the conclusions held through yogic science for millennia, to an explanation of our Universe that’s going to take our understanding to a whole new stage, and that’s that each the substance and the intention of the Universe come from a deeper reality than the material one we in general perceive with our minds and senses.And that reality is cognizance. An all-pervading, blissful attention, inherent in every body and everything. Simply as your possess awareness is the essence of your own intellect, cosmic consciousness is the essence of the entire Universe. It exists inside everything, and the whole lot exists within it. Very nearly, all people and the whole lot is part of and full of realization. Think that. Nonetheless, we,for motives I is not going to go into now, have largely given up on the suggestion of a higher awareness in our contemporary world view. Within the last 100 years or so, today’s science has come to an awfully mechanistic tackle fact. What if although mind, subject, and space have been all filled with realization? What if the possibility of cognizance as a higher truth had been every bit as real as any of our present constructs of fact? And what if it could provide us, if most effective we were open to it, some very real benefits in working out our world and where we fit into it, when compared to some very severe negative aspects of a materialist world view? In a materialist world view of an arbitrary, mechanistic, unfeeling Universe, there is each purpose to think alienated, lonely, frightened, and depressed.And if we do not suppose it ourselves, all of us too more often than not see it in others, and within the malaise of our society. Materialism does not engender optimism in humans or society. Then again, in a blissfully conscious Universe, there may be every intent to believe inherently related to people and to the arena, to think loved, hopeful, comfortable, and at peace with oneself and others. In the words of my guru Shrii Shrii Anandamurti, "you might be certainly not alone or helpless. The force that guides the celebrities courses you, too." So alternatively than looking to validate a worldview which makes us sad and afraid of the long run, I suppose, we will have to be seeking to validate a worldview which gives us success and hope for the longer term, not simply as individuals however as a society.The advantages of a mindful world view are giant. And it can be potentially no much less legitimate than any of our constructs of fabric truth. This is not just wishful considering. Correctly, the essence of the Universe is consciousness is just as legitimate a premise as the essence of the Universe is subject. The only difference is that one can be sensed and the opposite cannot. We will understand topic with our minds and with scientific dimension, but we are able to best expertise consciousness internally. We must find it inside ourselves. There was once a Sufi mystic referred to as Nasr Utem. I really stayed in his place of birth in Turkey for a number of days once. And there are numerous reviews about how he used to educate in eccentric and humorous ways. Some of the reviews goes that he misplaced the key to his house, and that he was watching for it one night outside underneath a streetlamp. A passerby asked him, what he was once doing. "i am looking for the key to my condominium." "the place did you lose it?", she asked."somewhere inside my condominium." Then naturally she said: "good, for those who lost inside of your apartment, why are you watching for it outside?" "considering that it can be darkish inside of," he responded. (Laughter) We have got to appear for what we’re looking for within the right position. Although it’s rough to seem for it there. It can be handy to appear external, no longer so effortless to seem within. In line with yoga teachings, realization lies within, and so we ought to appear for it there. But here is the catch, not intellectually. It can be now not whatever we will understand with the mind. Take the case of a light bulb, for illustration. A light bulb is ready of shining light on the room around it however not on the vigour which illuminates it. In the identical means, we’re ready of comprehending the world round us but not the recognition which animates us. It’s past the usual functioning of the intellect, past phrases, beyond even notion itself.The core of our being will not be some thing that may even be spoken about let on my own concept of. I think, we’re all aware of the announcing by using Descartes, "I think, for this reason i’m." however that is what yogic philosophy says, "after I stop thinking then I fairly am." (Laughter) simply given that we are not able to suppose of anything, just seeing that we can not prove something scientifically, doesn’t mean it is no longer there. We cannot prove a mom’s love for her baby but that does not mean it is no longer there. It’s a topic of the guts, and issues of the center can’t be fathomed with the aid of the intellect. So fabric science can on no account get to the guts of what it particularly means to be human. We are able to simplest validate the essence of our existence by means of the deepest internal experience of attention inside us. About now, you perhaps thinking that that is all a bit of ethereal-fairy and New Age.Even i’m starting to feel to myself. (Laughter) So I want to provide you with a couple of transient examples of scientists that have additionally stated the possibility of attention as a greater truth. There don’t seem to be a lot of them. However people who there are, are rather distinctive. I is not going to spend too much time on this, actually i will to try to finish before I begin. (Laughter) Max Planck, the daddy of quantum thought, considered awareness as predominant. "I regard matter as by-product from attention.We are not able to get at the back of consciousness. The whole lot that we talk about, everything that we regard as current postulates consciousness," this from the pioneer of quantum theory. A little later, the physicist James jeans wrote: "The flow of talents is heading toward a non-mechanical reality. The Universe begins to seem extra like a exceptional suggestion than like a great machine." and that i better throw in whatever from Einstein right here just to provide it somewhat extra umph. (Laughter) "essentially the most wonderful and profound emotion we are able to experience is the feeling of the paranormal. It’s on the root of all proper science.That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning vigour which is revealed in the incomprehensible Universe is my inspiration of God." ultimately, I wish to provide you with an instance of a ultra-modern scientist who virtually experienced greater consciousness first hand. Dr. Eben Alexander is a neuroscientist who had like a lot of his colleagues bought into the idea that the mind creates its own consciousness. Then, relatively ironically, he shrunk an extraordinarily infrequent mind infection which put him in a coma for a week in the course of which he skilled the heightened and enlightened state of attention, youngsters that he was once clinically mind lifeless at the time.He mentioned: "throughout my seven days of coma, I no longer most effective remained totally conscious but journeyed to a wonderful world of beauty and peace and unconditional love. I underwent the most spectacular experience of my existence, my realization travelling to an extra stage." Dr. Alexander is now on a mission to convince the mind science neighborhood to, as he places it, "graduate from kindergarten" and move on from the idea that the brain creates its own fact. Now, fortunately for you and that i, aside from examples comparable to these, there just so happens to be a scientific and scientific procedure of validating consciousness for my part in our day-to-day lives. I believe you will not be amazed to hear me say that that is going to be meditation.Meditation is intuitional science the place attention is substantiated by means of purely first-hand inner experience. By way of meditation, it is completely possible to experience greater consciousness as every bit as real as you and that i sitting in this room proper now. Once I had a primarily illuminating meditation experience where I felt the entire room used to be full of a area of awareness vibrating with cognizance and with bliss. It used to be so intense, so tangible. The sensation I had at the time that I would cut it with a knife. It was once undeniably actual then and i still haven’t any doubt about it to this day. By means of meditation, one has many such experiences that finally lead to the consciousness of one’s consciousness. Why don’t we go ahead correct now and check out to expertise better attention via meditation? Lets supply it a are attempting? It might no longer have took place to you when you woke up this morning that you’d be meditating at present, but there you go, some thing is feasible. So I invite you to the shut your eyes for a minute or so. Recall to breathe, and check out no longer to fall asleep, i do know, it has been a long day. And off by using the centering your self.Center of attention for your sense of self. Think the center of yourself. (track begins playing) Now feel that you are absolutely at peace. Think peace and happiness throughout you. Believe infinite happiness throughout you. Now feel that you’re merging into that limitless happiness. Feel that your possess feel of recognition is merging into the infinite consciousness around you. Consider that your possess attention is merging into the limitless realization throughout you. Believe yourself fitting one with it. Feel that you’re one with it. Believe that you’re it, and proceed like that for a number of more seconds. Now, doesn’t that believe better? Dada Gunamuktananda: sure? No? (viewers) sure. Anyway, you would have gotten a glimpse simply now into the possibility that your own cognizance is one with the realization of the entire Universe. That it’s within you as good as all around you. That it’s actual, and which you can consider it, for those who relatively try. And now not best suppose it but know it is at the core of your being.This is not simply an abstract notion, it is about the essence of us all. It is about discovering the better cognizance inside our own cognizance, realizing our own inner reality is the larger universal reality. And the more we broaden our feel of truth, our sense of being, the more related we suppose to all beings. The happier we are, the less frightened, the much less lonely seeing that we appreciate that all is part of us, and that we are part of all. The inner quest allows the embracing of all inside ourselves, everybody, animals, crops… The planet. Humans, animals, and plants on different planets – yes, it’s a no brainer- the whole Universe. What i admire to assert is that just as the sector turns into a smaller situation with the development of conversation and transport science, so will the Universe emerge as a smaller situation with the development of meditation technological know-how. Thank you.(Applause) .