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wysteir · 8 months ago

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Wisteria's FG Journal

S1 In Review

Around the start of this year I decided to try and get into fighting games! This post will have notes about my journey and learning experiences in the first 3 months

My first* fighting game was Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising! Asterisk because it was the first game I actually wanted to try to learn all the ins and outs of fighting games seriously.

Before this year the bulk of my experience was whatever odd fighting games we had lying around, including Samsho V, One Of The Mortal Kombats, and One Of The Dead Or Alives. Later got Skullgirls and Street Fighter 4 but never got deeply into either, and I'll include any time I played playing Whichever Versions of smash.

Either way, having fun with them casually, but never really thinking about actual strats. I wanted to fling specials at people and hit then with heavy buttons hahaheeheehoohoo

Granblue stood out to me because

1) A bunch of folks I knew were playing it

2) It touted a relatively low skill floor

3) Fox gal with huge fluffy tail

So I steeled myself for losses, and dove in, except - where do I even start?

Well thankfully my friends had my back on that one. I got linked copious amounts of resources, and of them the most important ones for me personally were the ones related to keeping a healthy mental game.

Fighting games are hard to learn because it's a skill like any other. Learning an art is hard- music, visual arts, writing, dance: all of these are skills that take time and have difficult aspects to learning them.

They should also bring joy when engaging in them, both through the fun of doing, but also the satisfaction of honing a skill. This is where healthy mental comes in. I didn't want to be stuck in a bad mental state learning fighting games. That would cascade into my attempts to learn and would spoil my fun- and at that point why bother?

Staying realistic while taking as much pride as I could in my progress contributed a huge amount in how smoothly I ramped up. In many ways I benefitted from being almost entirely new, and starting with upholding mental first. Note that it was also important to me to not dismiss my feelings or bottle them up. These things linger in the subconscious, they are mind killers and they need to be treated with care.

Immense damage was dealt to me by the North American Education System and Familial Expectations. Part of my journey in fighting games involved a continuation of dismantling the shame in perceived failures. I would let nothing stop me from finding joy in learning, and being silly with it. A key thing for fighting games is that for better or for worse, there's a common perception that the failure state is getting KO'd. After much deliberation, I personally refuse to view it as such.

Winning is merely a side effect of good play.

Losing is an opportunity to hone my skills.

Success to me is the 50/50. I'm a performer by heart, I love the drama, the thrill, the narration. And over and over again, I see my goal in others' replays and tournament footage- it's the 50/50. Being evenly matched with my opponent became an immense source of positive vibes, and as I improved, and got closer to it, the joy I got grew more and more. Most notably, I hit a point where even fighting players who could 10-0 me wasn't even daunting anymore, because every round we played I got just a little bit better, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I could turn it into a 10-1.

Mental is the most important thing because it determines how efficient you are in terms of learning, performance, and inspiration. Once mental tanks or ges overwhelmed, it's time for a break!!!

The next important thing for me was defense and taking back my turn.

I thought about it, and realized that at my skill level, I would probably be on the losing side of the fight more often than not. What I needed wasn't the most damaging combo, what I needed were the skills to get myself out of an inevitable scenario.

A dependency comes about from this then:

1) If I'm knocked down or in the corner, my priority needs to be taking my turn back. I can't do anything else if I'm under attack with whatever mix tape my opponent is blasting on loop.

2) If we're in neutral, I need to find the best way to get into a position to establish offence (or just establish it outright)

3) If they're blocking, I need to mix them and watch out for when they want to take their turn back

4) If I'm hitting them I either won or I'm about to get sent back to 3

Combos ain't shit actually!! They kinda fucking suck for a new player!!!! Combos and Complicated Hornswogglery won't save the new player from the situation they'll be in most of the time, ie- blocking in the corner

Second most important is playing neutral to try and prevent getting hit and cornered in the first place.

When I first started playing Granblue the most I could do was a basic baby auto combo into 236L and easy input super for offense, but I learned how to jab out of pressure, I learned how valuable reversals were, as I spent less and less time in the corner I learned how to approach and counter in neutral, and everything else was the fun fancy stuff that most resources list in great detail.

So! Behold, my power 9!

0) Preliminary research on game specifics

1) Learn how to maintain good mental

2) Learn how to block/evade/tech

3) Learn how to escape pressure

4) Learn how to skip/hold neutral

5) Learn a basic midscreen combo

6) Learn Okizeme/counter reversals

7) Learn a basic corner combo

8) Learn the advanced mechanics

Throughout the discord server I'm in I have lists and lists of things I felt I wanted to learn and some little victories and eureka moments

The 9 things above basically cover the gist of things

As I learned more and more granblue basics I also ended up playing guilty gear strive more often, and applied the same principles. Strive has more mechanics/resources than granblue so some of them came hand and hand with the 9, but I'm sure you'll find they slot in easy

By the end of March I was at a relatively low Mental and was taking it easier, but by then I was also playing in a way I didn't see myself being able to do for at least 6 months.

And now, even only 2.5 weeks since then? I could deck the halls with my March self

And if you've ever been interested in fighting games, you could learn them well too!!!

#fighting games #on living #on laughing #on learning #organic wysteir original #stay pozzy stay cool #on fighting games #Wisteria's FG Journal

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shkspr · 3 years ago

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hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

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fitzefitcher · 3 years ago

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So after seeing the updated art to that post. I don't suppose you could give a few hc's about that ot3? Just curious, Sylvanas/Cromush/Nathanos seems very fun, especially with the different dynamics you've given them all. (Shout out to Queer platonic lifemates, that hits just right.)

right, so here's my Cromush Manifesto(TM):

so for me the thought of this mostly started with legion, and cromush still. being in EK. and helping out the forsaken. and then continued in bofa when cromush showed up on sylvanas' fucking boat, for some reason, both of these being extremely Fascinating to me, on account of Cromush canonically being one of Garrosh's handpicked dudes, and specifically there to Keep An Eye On Here, at least initially, so the fact that he's still there Now, and seemed to be supporting her & the forsaken just completely unironically, made me feel Some Kind Of Way About It so after thinking about it, it occurred to me that crom is mag'har, and mag'har fucking know what plague, disease, and famine look like. crom knows what real fucking suffering is and knows that a lot of old horde honor is a bunch of ableist horseshit, and tbh that's why the forsaken are :eyes: at him and his dudes despite like. them being there specifically to watch them I also thought about how in the shadowfang dungeon, despite the forsaken talking shit about Cromush the entire time, the very Second he's in Real, Actual Danger, the charade sort of drops without any pretense and now they're just Big Pissed at the dudes who hurt him.

so I think Sylvanas would feel Some Kind Of Way about this guy who weirdly and completely unpromptedly just. Moreorless abandoned his initial mission with being there and went "actually yeah I'm going to do my best to help and protect these people" and like. I guess he's just been doing this we deposed Garrosh, or maybe even Before that, because he's still fucking There, Years Later, acting as a commanding officer, and Sylvanas Is Just Fine With This, For Some Reason

I like to think that he like. there's no cult of personality surrounding her for him, she's no more and no less than who she is, a very practical way of looking at things, and I think sylvanas, who's often very polarizing, would appreciate that. I also think he wouldn't flinch away from the forsaken on account of them being Dead and/or Diseased, which is probably something that happens pretty fucking often, so that's also pretty validating, and again, it's because he's mag'har. He's already dealt with death and disease his entire life. more of it isn't going to scare him away.

so him earning sylvanas' very extremely hard-earned trust is already huge points in his favor w nate, despite him being very very protective (and more than a little jealous) because like. I think the worst thing about being forsaken is probably that your living kin just wants nothing to fucking do with you, and given that sylvanas' living family just fucking rejected her on principle or ignored her existence while she was undead, Cromush being just completely unphased by it is a hell of a lot more than she or nate really expected

that being said, nate is a weird weaselly tsundere asshole, so he picks petty arguments with crom as a means of pulling pigtails but also to test him, and crom passes all these tests not only by standing his ground, but by winning a lot of these arguments. also crom is a big dude and nate wants to be knocked down a little bit. why would he be with sylvanas, otherwise lmao

re: nate & sylvanas, I know a lot of people aren't really crazy about it but to me he's like the only person who's stuck around after she died, and has made it clear that he's not going anywhere, and is practically the only male character to not only say with his fucking mouth that he loves her, but also passes the extremely low bars of not talking over her, not telling her to shut up, not acting like he knows better, and generally just supporting her and her endeavors, which for some reason no other male love interest in WoW is capable of doing lmao

so I do like them together, even if it's not the explicitly amatonormative rendition of it we see in game, if only because like. dude's the only one who could be bothered to stick around after everything that's happened, and I want Sylvanas to have people that care about her explicitly. even if they're not romantic soulmates, they're still Some kind of soulmates, else why would she track him down post-death. tl;dr natevanas is like. jessejames pokemon, to me

#warcraft #sylvanas windrunner #nathanos blightcaller #high warlord cromush #ask tag #long post

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forestwater87 · 4 years ago

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I'm screaming. I just realized this was the legendary Forest Water from Ao3, the creator of the fandom last names Santos and Greenwood, and I didn't know all this time?! What?! I can't actually believe it. Your stuff is legendary! I really enjoy your fanfiction, and you're a great creator. Any advice for a fanfic writer who starts to write a Gwenvid longfic? Any tips on how to become a sucessful fandom memeber? Sorry this is so long, I just really enjoy your work!

These two happened to dovetail really nicely, so I wanted to respond to them in a single (very long) post. I’ve talked a little about getting started writing in the past, but specifically about writing Gwenvid? That’s a little different, and interesting to explore.

I think, anyway. But I always find Gwenvid interesting.

1. Thank you!

I don’t consider myself especially famous or special -- certainly not anymore, when my updates to my flagship fic are annual at best -- so it’s a little weird that there are people looking at me like that. However, it’s also really touching and encouraging, so I’m at a loss for words. Not sure how to respond to such kind comments, so . . . you know, thanks.

2. Writing Gwenvid -- especially longfic

Here’s the thing: There isn’t a single fic I’ve written that I expected to become long. The first “Tigger & Eeyore” was supposed to be like 5 chapters and then ballooned into 14 and a sequel (which it’s now looking like is going to explode into its own sequel, so yikes).

There’s a reason they’re called plotbunnies: they multiply like crazy. So if you have a single-shot idea or shortfic that you’re not sure will have legs, just start writing it. It might end up wrapping up rather quickly and you can move on to the next idea without it hanging over your head, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it becomes something much larger totally organically.

Also, keep your plots kind of . . . vague? At least, in my experience I’ve found that helps. A generic idea of the world you want to build and a couple set pieces (i.e., major conflicts or story beats) gives you room to play around without pressure to make it “add up to” something. I’ve never written a fic that had a story in the first 4-5 chapters, and that’s how I like it. It’ll . . . just sort of materialize, while you’re exploring the world.

I mean, if you want to write a tightly-paced epic with a twisty, intricate plot, then you’re going to want to find an author who does that sort of thing. My stories tend to be a lot more meandering.

OH! Also get really flowery with your language. Eats up word counts like Wheaties.

Okay, but Gwenvid specifically: if you want to be mostly canon-compliant, the big thing is that we only see them in the context of this one improbably long summer. There are years of story before and after that point that we’ll never get to see, and I think it’s really interesting. (Especially the before part; I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone write a “prequel” to Camp Camp, but how fun is that idea???) When it comes to “fill in the blanks” fanfic writing, it’s really nice to have a story, relationship, and world with so many blanks. There’s a lot you can do just by writing about what they’re up to the rest of the year.

As for AUs: go nuts. Fucking go wild, you funky lil person. Groundhog Day. Ghostbusters. Lost in Translation. Movies that don’t star Bill Murray, probably. Find a straight couple and make them Gwenvid, and go goddamn bonkers with the possibilities. Find a world with Gwenvid-like characters and make them Gwenvid. The possibilities are literally endless.

3. Fandom engagement and being a BNF

Huh. Not sure where to go with this one.

Like I said, I don’t consider myself much of a BNF (that’s “big-name fan,” for those of you who might have a life outside of tumblr) -- certainly not anymore. And honestly, becoming “popular” in this economy fandom isn’t . . . necessarily going to be super easy.

I mean, don’t get me wrong! The fandom isn’t dead by any means; people are still writing, and still being read. But if you look at the track record over time:

Average kudos counts of Forestwater’s fics by year:

2016: 574

2017: 277

2018: 79

2019: 60

2020: 50

(if you ever wondered why I had a serious emotional crisis about the quality of my writing and general popularity in 2018 and 2019, that drop should tell you a lot)

Now, some of this is certainly my fault. The most important thing when it comes to fandom success is engagement: the more you write, the more attention you’re going to get. If you can stick to a regular update schedule, you’re going to be on the front page and in the top of the tags, and people will see your stuff and be more likely to read it. And attention is self-generating, because the more kudos and hits you have, the more people are going to check out your work just to see what the big deal is. So getting laid off and deeply depressed, then not updating at a time when the fandom was already beginning a pretty steady downward trajectory anyway . . . was not my best move in terms of relevance.

And engagement doesn’t necessarily have to mean updates, by the way! (Though you should update regularly if you want the attention.) Sharing headcanons, answering asks, starting fandom drama and ship wars . . . that’s all the kind of thing that establishes you as an authority; even if people think you’re wrong, they’ll think you’re someone whose opinion is worth disagreeing with, if they see you mouthing off in the tags enough.

I’m not confident this is a good call, but Snowqueens Icedragon didn’t get massive fandom success by not starting flame wars, is all I’m saying.

If you have the spoons to answer questions, people will want to ask them. No one wants to talk to someone who won’t reply to them. The most popular artists and authors are always going to be the ones who interact with the fandom the most. Higher output, more attention, more praise. I’m not saying it’s fair -- in fact, it very well might not be -- but that’s the nature of the beast.

Also, play to the fandom. Camp Camp fans want to see dadvid. They want to see dan/vid. They want to see Max-centric content, and they probably want it to be angsty. They want to see self-inserts dating David. If you can give them some of that stuff (none of which is inherently bad, to be clear, nor is it inherently good; it’s just what’s popular, and tbh if you can cram it all in one fic that’d be amazing), you have the benefit of giving people exactly what they want.

To be clear, don’t write about things that don’t inspire you; aside from it being a soul-crushing endeavor, it’s noticeable when someone’s heart just isn’t in it, and it’s even harder to keep those regular updates. But if the things you’re passionate about happen to be the things the fandom really wants to see at the moment, then you’re much closer to riding the kudos train, my friendo.

But here’s the thing: even if you do everything right, you might still get screwed.

Some of this is just due to the fact that Camp Camp is always a dead fandom in the off-seasons, and we don’t know how long this current off-season is going to last. Hell, we don’t have to look at me for this:

This is “How to Foster an Asshole” by emiartse. It’s one of the fandom’s most popular fics, with a whopping 962 kudos. Hot damn, look at that engagement. That’s a fucking fic right there!

This is the sequel, which has 122 kudos. Nothing to sneeze at, to be sure -- I think we’d all be delighted to have 122 kudos -- but even the general tendency of sequels to have less attention than a series debut doesn’t entirely explain such a precipitous drop. And emiartse is doing everything right! This is dadvid! And momgwen! It’s just as well-written as the first; it’s not like we suddenly experience a decrease in quality or anything. It came right on the heels of the first one ending, and the updates have been more or less like clockwork, in keeping with the previous story.

So what changed?

Well, HTFAA was first published in 2019, right on the heels of Season 4′s finale and when fandom hype was pretty high. HTAAA was published in September 2020, during this whole “world pandemic and every political disaster all at once” thing that’s got us all fucked up -- and especially, during a period where we all knew Camp Camp wasn’t coming back for the year, and maybe not ever.

It’s . . . not a great time to be a writer for Camp Camp if your goal is popularity. I mean, it’s never a great time to be a writer if your goal is popularity -- consider the tragic difference in notes between ellohcee’s gorgeous art and their equally-excellent writing just for comparison -- but it’s especially tough now. If you really want to be a huge name in the fandom, my suggestion is to travel back in time to 2016 and establish yourself as the pioneer of something (seriously, it can be anything; there was basically nothing in the fandom at that time. Every idea was a new one).

So . . . what do we do when we can’t be popular? Maybe you don’t want to chain yourself to a strict update schedule, or write the twelve-thousandth iteration of the most popular fandom tropes, or you exist in 2021 when everything is terrible and no one cares about a web cartoon series. What happens then?

4. Do it anyway.

I know, I know -- that sounds hella cheesy. “Write because you love it, not for attention” is one of those statements that everyone rolls their eyes at, because seriously? Please. What’s even the point of sharing something you write if no one reads it?

Well . . . because you made it. Because it’s something that wouldn’t exist without you, and because even though there are such a tiny number of readers in a very small, very dead fandom -- those people still exist. And seeing what you wrote will make them happy. And if they have the spoons, they’ll let you know that you made them happy, which will make you happy.

I haven’t updated my major fic in a year -- haven’t updated any writing in several months. But what keeps me going is the excitement that my ideas bring me, and the pride I feel in watching them come to life. It’s like giving a gift to someone; I get really nervous and giddy whenever I post a sentence.

And does it suck when it feels like your present goes unappreciated? Yeah. If you write the first chapter of your awesome long-form Gwenvid fic and it gets like 5 or 3 or even zero notes, that’s a huge bummer. That hurts a lot, and it can crush your self-esteem worse than even the most vicious hate. But your fic isn’t going to just be around for the few hours or days that you’re watching the engagement. It’s going to be there, growing as you update it or just sitting happily in its tags, and someone is going to find it.

Your story is going to be someone’s favorite fic. I promise.

And hell, let’s make it my favorite fic!

If you post something -- you know what, even if you post something in a trope or ship I hate, or a fandom I’m not in, doesn’t even have to just be Camp Camp; times are hard right now and we gotta support each other -- send me the link in a personal message. (Don’t tag me, I won’t see it. I never see anything on this terrible, terrible site.) I’ll like it; I’ll give it kudos. I’ll probably even share it*, because we’re going through the lean times in this fandom. And we’re writers, so the lean times are extra lean; it’s the bone-and-dust times.

*Okay, but I reserve the right to not support someone’s work that makes me very uncomfortable. I’ll share things I don’t personally stan, but I’m not gonna platform your “why Hitler was good, actually” essay disguised as a fanfic or anything. My 6 followers deserve better.

Write something that excites you, and then tell me about it. If you need help brainstorming, tell me about that too.

I might not have the spoons to keep this up for a prolonged period of time, but I’ll do what I can and you’ll do what you can and together we’ll . . . idk, do something. I’m losing the thread of my great inspirational speech here.

Uhhhh TL;DR let’s just do the dang thing. If we fail we all fail together. Yay team!

#campcamp #fanfiction #fanfic writing #yeah i'm putting these in the main tags #i wanna start a revolution here #a small revolution #of me and my 6 followers #let's do it #also yes i'm still working on my t&e fic #it's the first week of the semester so things have been insane #writing this post was the first time i've had 20 consecutive minutes to sit down and do anything since like january 4th #ask forest #absurdly long post #sorry not sorry #campcampfanfan #no 'keep reading' mark bc this all feels Important to me #scroll away my friendos

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mollyphoria · 4 years ago

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(off my chest post.)

As soon as I turned the age of 27 last year it was like I've been awaken from a cruel false dream. I opened my eyes then boom I see 27 years of my life laid out in front of me wasted. Yes it took 27 effin years for me to wake up. I wasted all this years and now I'm suffering the consequences of not following my heart, now I'm suffering the repercussions for not realising my dreams sooner as well as pursuing them. I don't believe in myself enough to stand for what I really want so I let society dictate me. I dont love myself enough to believe that I have the capabilities to follow my dreams, luck wasn't on my side too,the odds were never in my favor. So yes I guess I blame both myself and the circumstances given to me on why I failed in life. I failed myself. Society failed me. The system failed me. Oh how I envy people who were able to realise their dreams when they were a kid. these people mostly turns out to be the successful ones in life while I'm left in shambles of not knowing what to do or having such a huge dream I knew I would never reach it. I wanted to become a supermodel but I'm not pretty and tall enough plus I'm from a country not supported by society on having supermodels. Then I wanted to be a rock star. Touring the world, playing the guitar, performing on stage. I can probably make this happen but once again I don't believe in myself and lack of support from family/society was what made this dream seem to get more impossible. I would like to pursue the arts anything from singing, dancing,writing ,painting,drawing etc but I let myself be influenced by what our society drills in my head everyday that there's no money with any of these endeavours so I never got serious to try to achieve greatness from these "useless, juvenile" dreams and plus you need God-given talent to qualify pursuing the arts and I don't have an ounce of it.

So as time goes by I continued to grow older like a dead leaf flailing around in the wind without a specific direction but downwards. But deep-rooted in my soul I knew what I wanted but I chose to stupidly ignore that little voice in my heart that tells me what to do. I to this day continue to beat myself up why I haven't even tried to listen to myself.

So what I did was to completely surrender myself to settle for a lesser,smaller dream that I could possibly reach according to the circumstances I'm handed with

I took up a course in college that I felt at the time would be something I would enjoy and easy,cheap enough to simply graduate and have that diploma just for the sake of it. When I got into the real world and became a full pledge adult for the first time ever I got hit by depression and that's when I first acknowledge that I'm not made for this at all but what I did instead of abandoning it was to try again and aim higher which is to have my own wings and to fly high in the sky and see the world. I held on to that dream. I went to school again. For a moment I had a purpose and for the first time I had direction. I thought I found myself as I try to get those wings. I thought that this will be my redemption. I made myself to believe that I'm meant to do this. I went above and beyond to achieve success. But alas I continued to be the chosen reject and once again odds weren't exactly on my favor and I have given up by the time I'm 27 years old. This is when it all crashed down on me I was chasing a dream gone dead all those years and basically wasted my youth as a result and gained nothing at the end. And I have to admit that i somewhat resent God for putting this dream to flourish in my heart but never gave me a breakthrough to even achieve it. I was left beaten and destroyed. I slaved myself away for nothing, experienced all those sufferings for nothing. I got nothing for all those sacrifices and hardwork I did. Literally all those blood,sweat and tears were for absolutely nothing at the end. I was utterly broken down,my heart was utterly crushed nothing left but broken pieces and a whirlpool of regret. If even this small, mediocre dream I settle myself for is still unattainable for me then my life is no longer worth living. I then proceed to wallow on self pity and resentment and went down to the worst depression I've ever experience in my life. Tears kept on falling like faucets in my eyes. Every streak of effort, energy, motivation ,hope left my body,mind and soul altogether. I turned ultimately dead inside. I don't have anything left in me to even pretend to continue fighting my way into this world. I can't even help myself to help myself. it's like I already died and what was left is just a hollow husk of my former self.

At 27 yrs old i went back to zero. I'm left with nothing to hope for, I didn't gain anything from all the things I went through. After Having the painful knowledge that the journey I made for myself all throughout my teenage to mid twenties is only to become of worthless dust and vomit at the end it made me inevitably bitter about life in general. I started acknowledging thoughts of dying for real. How I realized that it's better to be dead than to be alive, how I wish to have never been born at all. I missed all of these opportunities to win in life and I felt like giving up. Because Life is Suffering nothing more nothing less we will continue to suffer coz that whats life for this is the true meaning of life we are just put here to live so we can suffer and I'm not cut out for it I'm too weak to even restart again.

I realized alot of things. When I was a kid I was always looking forward to the future. I was foolishly, completely convinced that my life will get better as I get older and now that I'm older it turned out to be such a stupid thought coz life didn't get better it only gotten worse and it could only get worst from here on out.

Starting now I shouldn't hope for things to change for the better. It's dangerous to have a false hope and I swear to myself that I wouldn't let myself be fueled by false hope anymore.

And now that it's October I will turn a year older unless I cease to exist first.

I'm honestly scared of the future, now that I can see the true essence of it in its whole entirety.

At 28 I'm running out of time.

I missed the chance to get my life stable.

At 28 I'm entirely clueless on how to get my shit together and I don't even think I have the strength to improve myself. I felt like I just don't care anymore.

At 28 I should have already bought my mother a new house instead I'm stuck and rotting away in a room at her own old house.

At 28 I'm still miserable asf

Still bitter asf

Still dumb asf

Still doubtful asf

Still a loser asf

Let me discuss the thoughts I have about this song 28 of Agust D. This song single handedly describes the anxiety I feel for getting older. The fact that the age he pertained on the title of this song is 28 exactly the age I'm about to turn into soon just solidifies the strong grip it acquired to hold my heart and soul. I felt extremely lucky to turn 28 at the same year with someone as genius as him (tho his 27 international age) nevertheless I'm thankful about this.

Tho there are things that I'm honestly confuse about him having the same fears with someone like me who's a nobody without any single awards, recognitions, accolades or any kind of impact to the world, who's not loved and praised by millions nor have millions of money in my bank account, who doesn't have a big house,big cars nor big rings.

It baffles the living daylights out of me that a person like Min Yoongi who achieved so much in life would feel scared about not knowing his dreams is really about as he gets older. He basically achieved every single one of the dreams I have for myself. His overly set for life that his great great great great great grandchildren will be also set for life. His life wasn't the same like before. His life changed for the better . He earns millions of money by doing what he loves at such a young age. He simply won in life.

We are both 28 but the life I'm bestowed in is the utmost opposite of the life his bestowed in. I'm at the loser end of the spectrum while his in the winner side yet we share somewhat the same fears and anxiety about having to grow older.

This made me question if happiness is really just an illusion. well the genuine authentic euphoric kind of happiness.

Is existence all really just a one big mess with occasional ephemeral pleasure?

If a person who accomplished so much at only 28 still feels depression what's left for me then should I just go kill myself?

Alot of the reasons why I got into this level of depression is because I didn't fulfill anything Yoongi fulfilled.well I'm not really into fame so much but i hope i succeeded on not having to worry about whether I could buy a house or rent an apartment. Yoongi could buy a building for himself while I can't even afford a bedspace of my own

Yoongi could travel the whole world in a whim while I'm mostly stuck in the same place

The stark contrast of our lives is so immense I cant even get my head wrapped around it

My only dillema is that I'm afraid to die but I'm also afraid to live

It's been proven to me now that living in this world is not really living at all it's just purely surviving and I can't deal with this

I'd rather die than to be a slave to the system. And it seems like I don't even have a choice maybe to disappear is the only way out

I'm just not cut out with the cards I've been dealt with

If only I could voluntarily pull my existence out of here then I would do it in a heartbeat

I wish there is a stop button from all of these

#twenty eight #agust d #october #time #sadnees

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bubblelliot · 5 years ago

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Here's my second character! I will also present their teammates a bit since the crew is much more like a family this time! (Might also add pics of the others in following posts and MAYBE of his animals too)

Særos Sandiel and The zookeepers

(This art is a picrew which I do not have the rights on, here is the link to it: https://picrew.me/image_maker/62745)

The name of the team mostly comes from a joke saying that "Mama Lyræ is our zookeeper and that we are the Zookeepers to a ton of pets. Also, Yarina can shapeshift into beasts sooooooo yeah.

Technicalities:

Særos is my very first character played in D&D. We actually started playing on the other game I talked about last time, but we switched to D&D. His character sheet is actually available on DND beyond, but I'm still gonna give details here.

Those are his attributes. (He actually got an additional point of charisma after I wrote this and was too lazy to take another screenshot sorry x) )

He is recorded as a high Elf, but is actually of two different bloodlines. He is VERY young for an elf, but his exact age is unknown (well yes but know, you'll see). He has 5 wizard and 2 cleric levels, making him currently level 7.

Equipment:

I am NOT gonna go through everything Særos has, cause that would be VERY long. He has a heavy armor, he has a staff of healing and a shortsword, but he mostly uses his magic. He also has, in his spellbook, a collection of dried flowers.

Familiars:

Særos has a TON of pets he acquired through the different quests the party went on. The first one is a frog named Lepiota he found wounded and saved. He then bought an old black cat he named Persephone (even if the cat is a male 😂). Finally, he also bought two ferrets (fluffy noodles ❤️❤️) which he named Elton and Freddy (this one was as a reference to one of our former player who really loves Elton John and Freddy Mercury). He loves them with all his heart and will absolutely kill anyone who tries to hurt his babies.

Allies:

Særos' main ally is, obviously, his twin, Edran. They are very similar, but Særos is usually pretty well kept with his short hair always brushed and his braids made every morning, whereas Edran is a bit shorter, more immature, usually pretty dirty with blood all over their clothes (which are poofy dressed he hides poison in 😂) and messy hair. There is also Lyræ. She is a paladin coming from far away lands. She is a human with elf ancestors and dragon blood. She has a wife and children and thus, she is pretty much the mom of the group. (The DM literally gave her two custom attacks she can use in RP: the flick of anger that gives 1pt of bludgeoning + 1pt of psychic damage and the disapproving look that gives 2pts of psychic damage everytime she does it + makes the target intimidated). Then, there is Finian, a human assassin. Finian and Særos are pretty neutral about each other, but Edran is in absolute admiration of him, so Særos is grateful that Finian doesn't just shatter his sibling's trust. The last member, who was actually someone that was rescued by the party, is Yarina. She is a very shy aasimar and is pretty much the definition of being pure EXCEPT she is obsessed with daggers (no joke, she has 23 of them). They were recently joined by a rogue elf called Adressin who actually attacked them at first.

Appearance:

This picrew is already pretty accurate. Særos (as well as Edran actually) has blond almost white hair, but it's actually fluffier than on the picture. He has two braids, one in front of each ear, a few freckles and red-pink eyes. He is very pale, quite small and very frail. He looks pretty androgynous and rather young, though he usually passes as a bit older since he is an elf.

Backstory and campaign:

So the campaign isn't really a big story like in Rhodrag's case, so I'll tell the party's story, but not the quests.

The twins' first memory is waking up in a bed, only knowing their name. They meet with the lovely wood elf lady who save them, and learn they were found in the sand by a nearby river. For that reason, they are given the last name "Sandiel".

They live a relatively normal life with her, for around 10 years, until they are attacked by drows. Their adopted mother successfully hides them by using magic and they learn they are wanted because they are part drow and part high-elf, meaning pretty much every every elven races will want to kill them. The woman successfully protects the twins. She is taken out of the house and, to this day, the twins don't know what happened of her, whether she was killed or taken.

They left and reached a nearby city. There, they survived by stealing and being street entertainers (for example, even if he has no rogue level, Særos is proefficient in stealth, sleight of hands, deception, etc. He also is proefficient in performance. He learned to sing, the art of divination and a bit of magic.)

One night though, Særos came back to their hiding place to find his sibling dead. All he could understand was that they died of both malnutrition and hypothermia.

Out of desperation, he tried every spell he knew, but nothing happened. He tried reanimation, but it had been to long. Out of despair, he prayed any god possible to help him, saying he couldn't live in this unfair world without Edran.

A god did answer. He is actually a god from the other game we started the campaign in before switching to DND.

He is called Nuodai the Trickster.

He offered a deal to Særos: he would bring back Edran and even guarantee him power and success, and in exchange, when Særos would be powerful enough, the Trickster would take his elven traits which hold part of his powers, as well as 200 years of his life. Out of desperation, Særos accepted.

He woke up the next morning. His sibling was by his side, clearly not dead, but not entirely alive. They were now a revived.

Things went on, Edran not knowing, and Særos eventually stopped thinking about the deal, only happy to have his twin back. They moved from the city, trying to reach a bigger one, and were, once again, attacked by drows. He used a spell to put his twin in safety and attacked the drows, but was, if course, neutralized.

He was taken and they made him a slave while they tried to capture Edran to kill them together.

Fast forward, Edran is taken into an underdark prison. He meets again with his brother and both if them are beaten up. They successfully defend though and they are thrown in a cell as it is decided they're are to be executed the next day. This is where they meet Lyræ and Finian.

They plan to escape as well as a few other NPCs. They are able to leave the cell and steal a bit of stuff while a vrock attacks the guards. They escape and reach a teleporter. There, Særos successfully brings everyone back to the surface. Newly free, they all start to look for a village. After properly introducing each others, they finally reach a tiny elf village. The twins stay as stealthy as possible but end up being noticed and attacked by guards. They then have a choice: they could be changed into simple would elves or they have to leave. Særos knows it's not gonna work on Edran, and bargains to be able to stay. At first, the headmaster threatens to kill him for that, but he ends up agreeing to let them in the city, guarded, until the night falls.

They then shop and leave the city.

They end up in a forrest Særos realizes is corrupted. There, they were attacked by a HUGE snake touched by the corruption. At first, everyone tries to kill it except Edran and quickly, Særos and Finian join them. Særos finally cuts the tip of it's tail where the corruption was and Edran and Finian calm it.

Lyræ is terrified of it and finally lets them all know that her best friend was killed by a giant snake who ate her alive. (This is freaking terrifying yo.)

In the end, a fight starts and Særos, enraged, leaves everyone and runs towards the center of the corruption. There he is attacked by corrupted elves and tree creatures we happily called Groots. Edran joins him and Særos basically rages (he used they most powerful spell he had and literally exploded them.

Edran, while attacking, starts gaining weird memories.

Fast forward to the end of the quest, Særos is happily searching for animals and flowers when he and Edran hear strange noises coming from a tree. Edran climbs it and a wood elf girl falls from the tree, before Edran jumps on her from the too of the tree.

The team introduced themselves to her and she happily talks to them. So yeah, that's how we met Nayhru.

The team reaches a weird village and after the whole snake incident, leaves the party for a while, promising to find them again soon and assuring she would always be closer than they think.

They reach the village which reveals to be a village of gnomes and there they meet with a gnome (who's player inspired the names of my furrets x) ) and a Goliath travelling together. They all find the village empty before being attacked by a troll and... Metal gnomes?

They kill them, uneager to die, and search the village. They find flowers in the middle of the village and Særos takes one for his collection. Særos and Edran are attacked by an ooze and at some point, the ooze attacks Edran just before being killed by Nayrhu. At that moment, Edran starts turning into a robot as well, with the corruption growing from their arm. Særos tries to cut off the arm, but us unable and the corruption takes Edran's whole body.

They leave the village and are able to find a Druid eager to help them make a cure for Edran and the gnomes, but he needs Elder sage. He describes it and Særos shows his flower to the Druid, who confirms it is Elder sage. They go back to the village to get flowers, cane back and turned Edran back into a flesh being.

And that's when they remembered dying and being brought back to life. Edran and Særos cried in each other's arms and then continued on.

They got in a cavern near the village from where the trolls always came. There, the found a girl, chained, with glowing wings. They freed her and she introduced herself as Yarina. (Fun fact: Yarina's player is my SO, and both Yarina and Særos have the spell suggestion, so when the crew found a the boss hiding something, we just made it run away. Nice. )

The team found a clockwork dragon and helped it. They then left again. Finian had to leave a couple times, and at some point, the team realized that, even if they are young, the twins were actually a lot older than they thought: They assumed Edran's death happened when they were around 13 and that it had been around 6 years, meaning Særos was actually around 19.

They were reunited with Lyræ and began other quests. In one of them, the team encountered a wishing fountain that filled any wish you had under certain conditions. Særos asked to know his whole story, from the lives of his parents up to now. The fountain gave him a magic book that tells his story and updates. It has no name so Særos just calls it The story book.

Some time passed and the team continued on. They were traveling to the capital until one night, Nayrhu and Edran caught a thief about to steal their stuff. They quickly stopped him and realized he was very young. Instead of kicking his butt, they woke up the whole team and decided together to bring him to the capital and help him make money to survive there. And that's how they met Adressin.

The zookeepers reached the capital where they are supposed to find Finian who joined outlaws he met in another quest.

Before finding Finian, they decided to do a few quests to earn money with Adressin.

Everyone through the day kept noticing Særos bring super bold, a lot bolder than he usually is, for example, telling Yarina who was wearing a magic dress that she looked "Incredibly beautiful" as if she was "made if pure light". No one really thought anything of it though and just shoved it away.

One night, they decided a drinking contest was a good idea and everyone joined except Adressin. The next morning, everyone was doing good, maybe a tad nauseous, except for Lyræ and Særos who were absolutely fucked up. They both used spells to heal their hangover, but Særos remained mildly unwell, choosing to go on their quest anyways.

Symptoms were the following:

-A headache that was mostly located to the top front of his head

-His low back itching and hurting a LOT

-His eyes feeling dry

No one really knew what was going on, some didn't even really notice.

As they went on with their first quest, they started noticing weird stuff about Særos' appearance: His hair looked more golden than white, as they used to, there were two bumps appearing on his forehead around the location of his headache, his eyes looked.... Weird...? But no one really saw anything peculiar, his skin, usually also white, now looked kinda pink.

He doesn't really notice the changes and doesn't understand what is happening which utterly FRIGHTENS him, but he hides it. Yarina started understanding what was happening and Edran out all the pieces together and now they know everything.

To be continued...

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boopliette · 6 years ago

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Hi! I keep seeing posts about the new West End les mis staging, but all the articles I can find just go off about how "refreshing" it is without actually saying what the changes they made are? Do you know what they've changed? I'm kinda worried about what they might've screwed up lol

So the short answer is that everything is different, it’s an entirely separate interpretation of the show from the original.

It’s not “new” really, it first premiered for the 25th Anniversary Tour, it was the production that went to Broadway and is the current US Tour, its the current UK Tour, it was the one in Madrid a few years back and i Think its the one in Mexico right now but don’t quote me on that - so if you’ve seen any of those, that’s what’s coming to London to replace the original staging.

The major difference is that the new production relies heavily on big sets, and in my opinion that often detracts from the characters. The original production is very minimalist, there’s only like one or two backdrops or large props, and everything else is done in the same box set with bricks and windows on the back wall, and they arrange the two halves of the barricade in different ways to create big set pieces like Paris and the ABC cafe. There’s more focus on the character and it feels more personal, to me at least.

The other main difference is there’s no revolving stage.

I have nothing against the new production though, it’s well suited for touring, because without the revolve you do need something to make up for it. However, it is like, budget Les Mis and it doesn’t hold the same resonance or impact because there’s too much going on and the focus is a bit all over the place. Less is more! The original production is perfect - it’s been running for 33 years for a reason and is down to a fine art by now. It still sells 95% of the seats and people keep coming, and I think changing it now is going to have terrible repercussions in the future.

NOW under the cut imma go into way more detail about some staging differences can, but oh boy that’s gonna go on for a while so don’t suffer through it if you don’t want to (warning: i have a very clear bias)

First of all, the difference between the original and the new production is obvious from the very first second:

On the right is the 2010 tour, where the prisoners are on a huge boat set and they’re rowing or something I don’t really know, but they have big props and set pieces, and on the left is the original (from a 2011 bootleg), where they have imaginary pickaxes, but you feel closer to them, there’s nothing to distract you from them, and sue me I love a good smoke machine

the same thing happens in the factory, in the original (left) Fantine and the workers are clearly the focus (also in the background you have one of the few set pieces, the iron gate later seen in a Heart Full of Love)

this ones just a me problem, but look at the new stagings (right) pitiful little runaway cart, cmon fauchelevent you can get up from that it’s Nothing, the original (left) is huge and imposing and looks more dangerous and i love The Runaway Cart fight me

The original ABC Cafe set (left) is made of rearranged barricade parts and you see them move together and spin around. The new ABC Cafe (right) is made of newspaper and balconies and needs more tables.

I weep for how empty and sad the new One Day More (right) looks.

So a lot of these have been superficial differences but this one is huge. For Gavroche’s death, in the original staging (left, from a 2014 video) Gavroche climbs over the barriacde as it spins around, hiding the students and making Gavroche the sole focus. This is a very powerful scene, and Gavroche feels so alone, its heartbreaking. When the barricade spins back round, we see the students reactions then, with Grantaire front and centre, slowly lwering himself into a chair as he comes to terms with what has happened. In the new staging, because there’s no revolve, Gavroche climbs over the barricade and we stay with the students and see their reactions to hearing Gavroche die. Grantaire is still front and centre, and then he screams. Its meant to be heartbreaking but 9/10 it reminds me of Darth Vader’s awkwards “NOOO” at the end of the prequels. I prefer the original’s understated approach to his grief. Gavroche’s death is important, and not being able to see it takes away a lot of its impact and a lot of the scenes tension.

my absolute favourite moment in the original production (top) is when, after the final battle, the barricade spins around as an orchestral version of Bring Him Home plays the “the summers die one by one” part, and Enjolras is revealed hanging upside down with his flag, Gavroche still on the ground below him. This scene is incredible, I genuinely don’t think there is anything like it. It’s so poignant and impactful and its a very powerful moment that I literally hold my breath for. The new production tho. Oh the new producion. The barricade doesn’t rotate, we’ve covered this. So what do they do? THEY SPLIT THE BARRICADE IN TWO TO SHOW ENJOLRAS AND GAVROCHE IN A WAGON. A WAGON. This wagon is my nightmare. I hate this wagon. This wagon is dead to me. They’re changed the original staging recently so that Enjolras is even more upside down than before, hanging onto the barricade with just one thigh, and its breathtaking. Google it or something, I’m running out of photos.

Okay so the new production (right) ghosts in Empty Chairs aren’t bad, they just have a different effect. In the original (left), the ghosts line up behind him and feel like they’re representations of Marius’s guilt as they walk up to him. They look at him and judge him as he sings “oh my friends, my friends don’t ask me” and then they walk backwards into the shadows again as he finishes the song. In the new staging, they walk in to extinguish candles left by the women in Turning and its just all together more mournful. He looks directly into Enjolras’s eyes as he sings that same line, and then they all blow out the candles and back away from him as he reaches for them. It heightens Marius’s sorrow instead of his anger and guilt, and its not a bad change, its just a different take on the scene. Also at the end of the original Marius raises a toast to his friends and drinks and its bitter and heartbreaking, whilst in the new production he just blows out the candle and its also sad, but not as painful.

MY FINAL ANGRY RANT IS THAT IN THE NEW PRODUCTION (right) THEY’RE NOT HOLDING HANDS. THE LINE IS “TAKE MY HAND” HOW DID THEY MISS THAT??? HOLD HANDS DAMN IT.

other things i ran out of photo space for:

-the new production has a weird obsession with balconies??? Paris is just balconies, the musain gets a balcony despite being indoors, cosette has a balcony, the thenardiers get a balcony in One Day More, its just too many balconies.-there was a very good post by @cometomecosette explaining how Lovely Ladies loses a lot of its focus and impact in the new production, so I suggest checking that out here for how that scene will change-The new production doesn’t have enjolras and grantaire hugging in Drink With Me and thats a crime-Javert has a gigantic bridge in the new production, its too much bridge for one man-the entrance of the barricade is Iconic in the original production, it blew my mind when I first saw it and I don’t want to spoil that for any one who may see it before July-Marius wears a blue coat and I hate it (costuming is a whole nother issue, if we lose Combeferre wearing two waistcoats, we really just lose ourselves)-Also, just to go back to the WAGON I HATE THAT WAGON-a wagon I don’t hate is the Do You Hear The People Sing? wagon. I shall miss her the most.

I’m salty the end.

Also!! Thanks for getting to the bottom of this, I will be gifting out the 2011 and 2014 West End bootlegs I used for this post to anyone who messages me off-anon about them! (for you movie fans - the 2011 bootleg has Killian Donnelly as Enjolras and Samantha Barks as Eponine)

#oh boy this went ON #im v passionate about the original production im so sorry #les miserables #les mis west end #oh old white men in charge of les mis why must u do things like thos #like cmon guys dont do this unless youre actively planning to give phantom of the opera youre 'longest running musical crown'#also uM WHOOPS THIS IS OVER 1400 AND I HAD TO CUT PARTS OUT BC THERES A 10 PICTURE LIMIT #i got a lot of my left and rights wrong whoops #but general rule #original on the left new on the right #im so bad at left and right i have to do both the make a L with your left hand and i write with my right hand at the same time

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internethorrorfan · 6 years ago

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Commentarypasta: Slenderman vs. Eyeless Jack (originally posted on deviantart in 2017)

You know what's almost as creatively bankrupt as Jeff the Killer wannabe stories and Slender Mansion fics? Versus stories. Today's gem, hailing from the Spinpasta wiki, is one such story. Because why write original suspenseful horror stories or possibly put a new creative spin on an older idea or character when you can just take two unrelated creepypasta icons and have them lay a WWE smack down on each other, right? Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story... Slenderman vs. Eyeless Jack by OptimusPrime27 There are legends of the Slender Man. Some say he's a kind nurturing father figure that lives in a big beautiful mansion full of other monsters and killers as one big happy loving family who do all sorts of cute family activities with each other when they're not going on mass murder sprees. Nobody over the age of 12 believes such things.

He is a dark spirit. He is truly evil. Wait, what you mean to tell me is that the murderous, child snatching eldritch abomination who forces people to become his slaves in order to commit horrific acts on his behalf is evil? You don't say? He stalks people and murders them. But now he is gone. He's been gone. People don't know why, but he just... disappeared. Everything changed after the Fire Nation attacked. One day, he just left. Never to be seen again. Except in terrible fanfiction written by pre teen girls. Only a few people still remember him. This sentence is so easily contestable that I won't even bother. I wouldn't even know he existed if it wasn't for that dark, dark night... and that video-game that made. That sort of helped... This joke might have been funny is the grammar wasn't messed up.

You see, Slender Man disappeared because less people feared him. This sounds awfully similar to Freddy's plot in Freddy vs. Jason. Instead of that dark, mysterious force he became that cool, popular guy. "Yo Slenderbro, pass me that brewski when you're done droppin' those phat beats!" Just that guy. People didn't care how terrifying he really was, they just liked him. What if people liked him because he was terrifying? I like Slenderman because he's creepy. Creepy if done well at any rate. Video-games, toys, shirts, Hold the phone here, since when has there official Slenderman merch? he was everywhere. Less people feared him, and he became more of an internet icon than a despicable creature. So you can't be a despicable creature and internet icon at the same time? Someone better tell [insert well known internet personality who gets a lot of hate here)! More people knew him and they learned to stay away from him, how to avoid him, There's no official way to avoid Slenderman. and thus he didn't get their souls. Many people don't know this, but Slender Man needs souls. Many people don't know this because you completely made it up. They give him energy. He harvests them. He feeds of them. He lives. But now people don't fear him at all. He's just that guy.

That guy. He's just that guy who stalks people, kidnaps kids and drives people insane. Ya know, nothin' special.

But you see, Eyeless Jack is a different story. A story so bad its own writer personally asked for it to be deleted from the creepypasta wiki.

Eyeless Jack is a dark, undead spirit. Says who? A young boy brutally murdered, his eyes ripped out of their sockets. A vengeful spirit, Eyeless Jack's a ghost now? he spent the rest of his eternity getting his revenge. Which he accomplishes by eating random people's kidneys. Out to find the man who killed him. Until then, he could never truly be at peace. Less powerful and less famous, Jack was just a little kid compared to Slender Man. Which might have something to do with Slenderman being 6-10 feet tall. No match for this monster. Stories over! Goodnight everybody! Slender Man is basically the king of modern horror. I'm a huge Slender-verse fan and even I think that's bit of an overstatement. How can he be the king of modern horror anyway if supposedly no one takes him seriously or cares about him anymore? Creepy, mysterious. Slender Man has given existence to many wannabes and copy-cats like Jeff the Killer or Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack and Jeff the Killer have nothing at all to do with each other let alone Slenderman.

Slender Man saw potential in Eyeless Jack, and decided to use his superior power to manipulate the poor lost soul. This is literally just the plot of Freddy vs. Jason. One night, Jack was lurking through the forest, when Slender Man, now weak but still more powerful than Jack, appeared before him. Jack was shocked, but then the figure seemed to disappear into thin air. Jack turned around as Slender Man reappeared in front of him. Slender Man began to stalk the evil spirit as he ran through the forest. What sounded like static assaulted Jack's ears. He fell down and began to faint, everything else in the world fading away... Slender Man was now in control of Jack, and ready for the harvest. Now this is where I get involved. Me and my friends were having a sleep-over. It was a dark, rainy night. Lemme guess: You really wanted to write "it was a dark and stormy night" but you realized that was too cliché even for something called "Slenderman vs. Eyeless Jack" so you thought wording it differently would mask the unoriginality. Newsflash: it didn't. We were watching a crappy, blood-filled generic horror film, yet we kept screeching. We didn't know what true horror was yet. It's certainly not this story, I'll tell you that much. Not yet. You could’ve removed those last two words entirely and just said you "didn’t know what true horror was. Yet". We heard the back door creek open, so me and my friend Anne went to go see. The suspense was killing us. Suspense from what? The door creaking open? Do you guys flip out every time there's a light breeze? The entire house was pitch black. Turn on the lights then. We stepped into the dark hallway and slowly stepped closer and closer to the door. We heard heavy breathing from behind the door. And...JUMPSCARE! We went to grab the door knob, and when we saw what was behind it, we shrieked in terror. It was just our friend Mark. You held the tension here for 1 sentence. He and his friends Brad and Chuck were here. The idiots tried to scare us. "They're gonna be dead soon is what I'm saying." Me and Mark are sort of more than friends, but not really dating. Just sort of... into each other or something. It's complicated. We watched the movie together, and the guys kept making fun of us when we got scared, but they themselves kept getting freaked out now and then. Suddenly, we heard glass breaking. Mark volunteered to go check it out because how we were such "chickens". His words, not mine. I'd say that last sentence was completely superfluous but this whole story is completely superfluous. He walked into the hallways, closing the door behind him. He saw broken glass on the floor. He knew somebody had broken in. He turned around to warn us, but saw a masked, hoody-wearing creature. I thought he was a spirit. Now he's a creature? The mask was blue, with deep, empty, black holes where the eyes were supposed to be. I asked myself this same question when reading the original Eyeless Jack but how can they tell he has no eyes when he's wearing a mask in the dark?

The creature grabbed Mark's throat, squeezing it tightly. Mark gasped for breath, but the grasp on Mark's throat increased in strength. Tighter, tighter, until Mark couldn't breathe. Mark closed his eyes and dropped down onto the ground as the creature finally let him go. The creature observed his corpse, as if marveling at his own work of demented art. Oh no, not Mark! He was such a well developed character that we knew so well!

It was half an hour later, and we were worrying. I went to go check on him and found his corpse. So all of you just stood there and waited for 30 minutes while a monster choked Mark to death instead of alerting the police? What truly wonderful people you guys are. I nearly puked. There was no brutal damage or harm to it, but that's what scared me. In the movies it's always bloody and chopped up, nearly unrecognizable. But this was... was so real. Just a lifeless body there on the ground, nothing more to it. The police said he was strangled to death by... something. Poor Eyeless Jack always getting described as a "something". The finger prints on his neck Fingerprints is one word. Like, nobody writes "head aches" or "bed rooms" do they? were something odd. They tasted great! They scanned them and all, but the person they belonged to was murdered long ago. Jack Robins was a young boy who was brutally killed back in the 1970's. I sure am glad these cops committed every important detail of this decades old case to memory. His parents were on a date, and he was being babysat by a local teen trying to get some quick cash. You say that as if all teen babysitters aren't just looking for quick cash.

A strange man broke in while he was asleep and the sitter was busy on the phone. Being on the phone doesn't automatically cancel out all other sounds. I think she'd be able to hear someone breaking in. The man went through the house stealing everything he found useful. The sitter saw him and shrieked, only to be shot down by the robber. The robber found Jack and pulled out his carving knife. Jack saw him and shrieked. The robber, not wanting to get caught, shot him, and then cut his eyes out with the knife. Why? How could cutting out Jack's eyes possibly benefit him in any way? If he's trying to be sneaky then carrying someone's eyeballs around would be super easy to trace. There is literally absolutely no reason for this guy to cut out Jack's eyes other than "well he's gotta become Eyeless Jack somehow!"

I was shocked when I heard this. That poor kid. But what was the killer doing with his fingerprints? Was it a coincidence? You don't know what coincidences are, do you? Was the killer the same one who did this terrible, terrible thing all those years back, and the sicko kept Jack's hands with him? If the killer took Jack's hands the cops would've said that. How is that your first thought? Why would a robber cut off the hand of someone they murdered, keep it on their person and use it decades later to strangle some random person to death? I was scared. Me and my parents were staying in a hotel room since the murder, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was still in the house... Meanwhile, in the woods, Jack woke up. He saw that he was in Slender Man's body. I'm sorry, what? This is a body swapping story now? Why does "Slenderman vs. Eyeless Jack" need to be about body swapping? But more importantly, he actually saw. He discovered that Slender Man didn't just take over his body, he switched both of their souls into each other's bodies. I have so many questions. This story keeps calling Jack a spirit so how can he have even have a body/soul to swap? Since when did Slenderman have a soul? Didn't this story also say Slenderman ate souls? How would swapping souls allow Eyeless Jack to see? How can EJ do all the things he does if he can't see? I have the sneaking suspicion that none of these questions will go answered. Jack, now able to see, used this to follow the Slender Man's foot prints to the house. The police were investigating the scene of the crime, and went into the basement. The entire house was totally dark. If the power went out it'd be nice of you to let us know that. The two police man walked slowly down the stairs, and entered the dark room. The basement was flooded up to the police men's ankles because of the rain. Our house was an old one and it was always in a really crappy condition. Get it remodeled it then.

They found the old light switch and flipped it, only to be attacked and killed by Slender Man in Jack's body. He took on the other cops as they ran down the stairs. Their bullets did nothing. The body may have been harmed, but it was just flesh and bones. Useless flesh and bones. If they're so useless why did Slenderman even do this whole body swapping thing in the first place? How does switching souls with Eyeless Jack benefit Slenderman in anyway?

As the battle in the basement was going on, Jack in Slender Man's body broke down the front door, searching for his impostor. He rushed down the stairs to confront Slender Man. Slender threw his knife into Jack's face, distracting him as he grabbed a metal pipe up from off the floor. He hit the already dazed Jack in the head, knocking him to the floor. Remember: Jack's in Slenderman's body. So according to this story Slenderman can be stabbed, dazed and knocked to the ground. Jack got up and pulled the knife out of his head, impaling Slender Man with it. Slender Man seemed to slow down for a bit, but no real harm was done. "Besides the gaping chest wound I mean." Slender Man tore the knife out and dropped it to the ground. It was useless. Slender Man hit Jack with an uppercut, grabbed him and threw him into the furnace, closing him in and turning it on. Jack struggled to break free, but Slender Man was holding him in with all his strength. Eyeless Jack's body is capable of picking up and throwing the body of Slenderman, who is a 6-10 foot monster with teleportation powers, tentacles, and psychic abilities. Ok then. Jack pushed against the furnace with all his might, and finally jumped out, tackling Slender Man over. He held Slender Man's face down under the water, trying to drown him, but Slender Man managed to push up and knock Eyeless Jak down. Wow, Slenderman knocked Eyeless Jack down so hard the c fell out of his name! Jack reached for a nearby tool bag and pulled out a drill, sticking it into Slender Man's face. He turned it on, and it began to cut into his face. Why is EJ trying to kill Slenderman when they've switched bodies? I assume the body swapping is the reason EJ is mad at Slenderman in the first place so why would he ruin his chances of ever getting his real body back? Guys, Eyeless Jack is drilling into his own face. Slender Man grabbed the drill and pulled it out, throwing it over onto the stair case. Getting shot, drowned and stabbed didn't kill him so cutting into his face with a drill probably wouldn't either. Shouldn't Eyeless Jack know the limitations of his own body? Slender picked up the carving knife, slashed Jack across the chest with it, and jumped up and cut a pipe above Jack's head. Tons of sewage poured down onto Jack, knocking him to the ground and covering him with the slop. Did the writer of this even know Slenderman's power set?

Slender Man left, leaving Jack to die. Slender Man grabbed a thing of matches on the kitchen counter, lit one, and threw it to the ground, burning down the building as he turned and ran out the back door. The entire house burnt up and collapsed in, crushing Jack completely and seemingly finishing him off. Slenderman is leaving his own body to burn to death. Slenderman of all beings should know fire doesn't hurt him! The police told me and my parents about what happened. The cops that were there were killed before any of this crap even happened. They didn't know anything about the two killers or what really went on, but they knew that the house burnt down. I was devastated, but I was hoping that... that THING... was killed in the fire. Can't be, the story's not over yet. Unfortunately. I thought it was all over. I wish it were all over so I could do something more productive with my time like watching paint dry. I told my parents I was ready to go back to school, but they hesitated to let me. We talked it through, and they decided I was okay. What teenager wants to go to school?

The next day at school, my friends from the sleepover, Anne and Lauren, asked me what happened. I told them everything. Jack, how Mark died, the house burning down, etc.,etc. They were shocked. Everyone who overheard was shocked too. One kid approached us. He said that Jack never really died, and that he is still alive. Everybody that he was crazy, but he said that Jack's spirit still wanders the Earth, searching for the man who killed him. Who is this kid and how does he know any of this? The janitor saw all the commotion, and told the kid to go down to the principal's office. He turned to the rest of us and said to get to class. The principal told the kid that the legend of Eyeless Jack was just crazy talk.

Rumor spread that all these stories of monsters and ghosts and stuff was all actually real and the adults were keeping it from us, like some crazy conspiracy. This kind of conspiracy I hope. Now it was like a rebellion was on the horizon. How could these things really exist without anybody letting us know? It's our right to know these kinds of things! If they're trying to protect us it clearly isn't working because now Mark has been murdered! OK we get it author, you really like Freddy vs. Jason. Can you please quit rehashing plot elements from it?

I was angry. We were all angry. I'm angry because it feels like this story should be over by now. But we still had to carry on. The prom was coming soon, and I planned on asking Mark to go with me and maybe we could officially start dating, but then this whole crazy thing happened. Multiple people, including your own boyfriend, have been brutally killed by supernatural forces and you're worrying about the damn prom? I went with Brad, Mark's friend, but I felt really guilty. Just because Mark was killed I went out with his best friend? It was messed up, I knew it. Yeah, taking your boyfriend's best friend to the prom the day after said boyfriend was murdered is pretty messed up.

Everything was fine at the prom, until... it happened. www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xe0Ba… Chuck and Anne sneaked away to make out or something dumb, and then he came. Obvious joke is obvious. They went over by the lockers and made sure nobody was looking, but then they heard footsteps. They thought they were caught, but it was much worse. That masked man that strangled Mark. It was here! It grabbed Chuck and held him up against the wall by his throat. Anne shrieked in terror as the creature stared into Chuck's eyes. Stared deep down into his soul. You'd think someone called "Eyeless Jack" would have a hard time staring at people. Then it took him and it threw him straight out the window. A car was driving by, and Chuck's body landed straight on the windshield, nearly shattering the glass. The principal and the gym teacher both came running to help us out, but they were no match. The masked man grabbed both of the two and hit their heads together, knocking them unconscious, and then he stuffed both of their bodies into a locker. He slammed the door, locking them inside, and then turned around to face Anne. He ripped a locker door off of the wall and hit her upside the head with it, knocking her down. Why is Slendy-in-Jack's body here in the first place? Doesn't he have better things to be doing than picking off stupid teenagers? She got up and ran, and the man... no, not a man... the DEMON rushed after her. Demon? Wasn't he a spirit earlier?

She ran into the gymnasium, where we all were, and told us to run. Too late. The creature bursted in and impaled her with a leg he tore off a desk. Ah yes desks: a common thing to find in gymnasiums. She dropped to the floor, and he tore the leg out of her corpse. We all ran out screaming, but some of us weren't as lucky. Me, Brad, Lauren, and the janitor all got out alive and took off in Brad's van. The janitor drove us away, and said that he knew about Eyeless Jack. What a totally non contrived coincidence that some random janitor at some non descript school knows all about Eyeless Jack, Slenderman and the conspiracy covering them up. He confessed to us, telling us that the kid from the hallway was right all along. He was privy to this information how exactly? They just didn't want kids knowing to try and keep them safe, but it clearly didn't work. As we were driving, a flaming man in a tuxedo ran out into the road, Tuxedos and business suits aren't the same thing. and we accidentally hit him. The janitor thought it was a victim of Jack from the prom, He didn't notice that Slenderman was 6 feet tall and you know, lacking a face? so he rushed out to save him, but the faceless man got up and grabbed him, throwing him into the sky with all his might. We screamed in horror, and Brad leaped into the driver's seat, ramming over the man. So did the janitor come down or did he fly into outer space or something?

We drived off as it tried chasing us on feet, but we managed to escape. We were all scared, and none of us knew what was going on. I remembered the faceless tuxedo man, though. I could never forget him. It was the Slender Man. But he was real? Of course he's real! You've seen him attack people and you just ran him over with your car. UGH. We didn't know what was happening, You and me both. we just knew to get away as quick as possible. Meanwhile, Slender Man and Jack had a score to settle themselves. Jack (in Slender Man's body)arrived at the school to face his foe. A high school: truly the best place to stage the climatic showdown of your story. The two saw each other, and nothing could stop them. Nothing else in the world mattered. It was just them, face to face again at last. Sure, Slender Man had won it the last two times, but now Jack knew better. Jack grabbed the knocked-over punch table, lifted it up over his head, and threw it right at Slender Man, knocking him over. It's damn confusing reading this and having to remember that EJ and Slenderman have switched bodies. Almost like it's pointless or something. Jack quickly ran over and started punching Slender Man repeatedly. Is EJ gonna use a single one of Slenderman's powers while inhabiting his body? Slender Man kicked Jack in the chest and knocked him over. Guess that answers my question. Slender Man started to kick Jack in the face over and over, even stomping on his head. Jack got up and overpowered Slender Man, picking him up and throwing him up on the stage. Jack ran over and jumped up, hitting Slender Man in the chest several times and damaging his decaying ribcage. Jack grabbed Slender Man by the throat and threw him down onto the ground. Jack grabbed one of the band's amps, lifted it up with all his strength, and dropped it down onto Slender Man. Jack picked up a bottle of water off the floor and poured onto his semi-crushed opponent, frying him completely. Eyeless Jack has apparently succeed in destroying his own body. Hooray?

Jack, victorious, left to find me and the others. We were at Brad's house, Can we please just stop with the constant POV and tense changes because this story is testing my patience as it is. and we went inside we saw his dad, dead, hanging from the ceiling by a rusty metal chain. NO! Not Brad's dad! He was almost as well developed a character as Mark! We were shocked, and Brad broke out crying. Me and Lauren let him have his moment, so we went in his room to discuss it. Lauren said that maybe somebody in the town was the one who killed him and that's why this is happening, but I knew it had to be something more. You think it might have something to do with those 2 monster guys running around? You know, the ones you killed your friend and that janitor right in front of you?

I mean, why was Slender Man there? Better question: why is this story still going? Brad walked in, still sad, and asked what was going on. Lauren told him her theory, but he didn't believe it either. Suddenly, a corpse was thrown straight through the window, crashing onto the foor. We all shrieked in terror as we saw the message. It was... written in blood on his chest! It said "If you yourself do not release than it will come to take a piece". "YOU ARE WRONG". He was spying on our conversation? How? Why? For what reason? Suddenly, Jack kicked the door down. Of course, he was in Slender Man's body so we couldn't tell it was Jack at first. How could you tell it was Jack after the fact? How do you know any of this crap involving Jack and Slenderman? He as holding the corpse of Brad's dad, and threw it right at Brad, knocking him to the ground. Brad screamed, and we all ran off, being chased by Jack. We got outside and into the van, but the tires were slashed. Suddenly, Jack ran out of the house and jumped up on the hood of the car, kicking the windshield. It shatter and broke open, and he reached in to get us. Brad kicked him in the face and we ran out, trying to escape on foot. Suddenly, a beaten up and bloodied Slender Man (in Jack's body) I think everybody knows they've switched bodies by now! ambushed us and stabbed Brad in the heart several times with his knife. We shrieked and ran off, when suddenly a car stopped right in front of us on the road. It was Brad's mom, home from shopping! How wonderfully contrived. She said she heard about what was happening and immediately left the store to get us! We drove off as the two monsters fought each other once again. Slender Man stabbed Jack in the face several times, but Jack was unharmed. Which Slenderman should know wouldn't work because it's his body. He grabbed Slender Man, lifting him up off the ground, and threw him into the streets. Jack charged at him, but Slendy kicked him in the stomach and then got up and punched his face several times. Jack overpowered Slendy and pushed him down to the ground, elbowing him in the face. The two struggled and pushed eachother around, until Slender Man managed to push Jack up and throw him off of him. Slender Man got up and ran off to find us, leaving behind Jack. Just finish him off already! There's no reason whatsoever to chase after these dumb kids!

We told Brad's mom what happened, from what happened to Mark, to Jack, to the house burning down, and what happened at the prom. She was depressed that her husband and her son were both murdered, and we were sad about all the murders too. "All these murders are a major bummer, man."

Suddenly, a truck rammed into the car and sent us off road into the forest. The truck chased us into the woods until we hit a tree and the car went tumbling down a path. We jumped out the first chance we got and watched in horror as the car rolled down the nearby docks and fell into the water. You're still alive...how, exactly?

The truck came crashing after us, and Slender Man stepped out. He began to chase us, and we managed to get to an abandoned factory. We picked up a wooden plank and put in through the door handles, locking him out. If Slenderman was in his own body he could just teleport in the building. Hell, he could've teleport them outside the building if he had his old body. See what I mean about how switching bodies with Eyeless Jack doesn't benefit him in anyway? We went into another room so we wouldn't be able to hear the freak pounding on the door. We were terrified. There was no hope left. What could save us now? Hopefully nobody because all of you are such bland characters that I couldn't care less whether you lived or died.

Suddenly, Jack arrived. Slender Man turned around to face the creature, and was immediately kicked in the gut. He stumbled backwards and slammed into the door. Oh goody, another fight scene. Because we haven't had enough of those now, have we? He grabbed Jack by the throat and began to strangle him. He eventually just lifted Jack up by the throat and threw him down into the ground. He kicked Jack in the face several times, but Jack got back up. How do you kick a faceless man in the face? Jack grabbed Slender Man and threw him over into the distance. Slender Man saw a little canoe and picked up the ore, charging at Jack and impaling him through the ribs with it. Slenderman's body can apparently be impaled with a rock. Sure. Why not?

Jack pulled the ore out and hit Slender Man upside the head, knocking him down. Slender Man got up again, only to be smacked by the ore and sent flying. Slender Man landed on the docks, and Jack ran over at him. Meanwhile, we thought the coast was clear so we opened the door and looked outside, stupidly enough. We saw the two fighting on the docks and couldn't help but watch. Standing there and watching the two fight is obviously a better option than running away.

Jack hit Slender Man with an uppercut, knocking him over. Slender Man got back up and punched Jack in the face repeatedly, knocking him back a bit. Jack picked the ore back up and hit Slender Man in the face with it, knocking him down. Jack was serious now. This time...it's personal. He lifted the ore up above his head and pushed it down into Slender Man's chest. He kept stabbing him and stabbing him with it until Slender Man managed to get up and take the ore from him, throwing it into the water.

Lauren yelled out to us, pointing at a stick of dynamite she found. Oh there just happened to be a stick of dynamite lying around on these boat docks? Oh how convenient. What's next, is Brad's mom going to pull out a lighter she just so happened to have and use it to light the dynamite so they can kill Slenderman and Eyeless Jack? Brad's mom pulled out her lighter and lit it. I was joking! We threw it onto the dock as the two were fighting. This was it. Our last hope. Slender Man and Jack were brutally beating each other, and didn't notice the TNT. Suddenly, it finally went off, and it blew the two into the air. They went off into the sky, and crashed down into their watery graves. It was finally over! Oh thank God! Finally I can move on with my life! We were saved! We ran out to get back to town, but little did we know it wasn't over. Why not? Everything's been resolved. There's no reason to keep going.

Slender Man and Eyeless Jack awoke in a fiery pit, surrounded by a whole crowd of demons. They seemed to be chanting some weird spell, when a strange, creepy statue of Link from the Legend of Zelda series Oh come on! appeared before the two, and smiled deviously.

"Men..." he said, "What seems to be the problem?" You couldn't even have BEN say either of his catchphrases? Either "You shouldn't have done that." or "You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" would have worked here. I sort of appreciate the shout out to one of the unused endings from Freddy vs. Jason but missed opportunity here, come on. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And that, my friends was "Slenderman vs. Eyeless Jack". I have but 1 question to ask: What the hell was the point of any of that? Slenderman eating souls, Eyeless Jack being a spirit, the town trying to cover them both up, Slenderman needing people to fear him in order to gain power and Eyeless Jack's whole backstory were all introduced and then forgotten about. None of the human characters were interesting and they barley impacted the plot at all. The body swapping was completely unnecessary and just made everything extra confusing for no reason and there were just way too many fight scenes. The whole thing just dragged. On the plus side the sentence structure was good and there were relatively few grammar mistakes. It's just that on top of all the other problems the whole premise was silly and it took itself way too seriously from the get go, which is my problem with most vs. fics to be honest.

#old stuff from my deviantart

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jembrooke · 2 years ago

Text

Every time

I make it a few days, without looking for some evidence of you

And for those few days I'm okay

I feel stronger

Usually disgusted with how careless you've been with me

Time wears on and I post minimally if at all

And then

It always hits me dead in my center

I'm lost

Adrift

And if I'm being honest

There's a twinge of fear

It sucks my breath away

I just want to hear your voice

Hear you laugh

I just want to know you're there

Even though

Our reasons for this madness must be completely different

So I begin to post again

And there you are

You never do anything

You never say hello

But I can feel you there

At attention

It's your focus

I can feel it again and I'm okay

Like a junkie

That made it a little longer this time

But I still caved and came back

Not to speak with you

Never an embrace

Or any expression of acknowledgement

Just your attention

I feel it and everything is right in the world again

These are my best days

Because even though I failed at severing whatever this is again

You're there

I know you're there and I can feel you there and dear god I missed you so fucking much

And it usually lasts a long time

Until I begin to realize

Again

That I'm not real to you

I'm not a real person with a heart and a mind

I'm just some source of content

Maybe you feel my love

But it's not enough to make me real

It's never enough for you to speak my name

For you to say anything to me

We read the same poetry

We laugh at the same memes

Admire the same art

And that content is more real to you than the person that so carefully chose every bit of it

Just to make you smile

Make you think a little

Or to move you in any way to make you feel more alive

Because that's what I've been living for

For over two years now

Every effort

Everything I love to share with you

Is to make you feel alive

Loved

Cared for

But it's never enough

Never enough for you to reach out

And let me be a part of your life

Not even in the smallest of ways

When my entire existence

Revolves around you

You're my sun

And I wonder to myself

I hope

That one day you'll understand

You'll see how hard I'm trying

Just to make your life a little better

A little easier

Just to make you smile

But then

You usually do something

So thoughtless

So careless

You make me feel less than human

When I've given so much

And the whole thing begins again

I retreat

Try to forget you again

And darling

I'm starving and suffocating

I can't breathe without you

It's more than an addiction

You feel like a piece of me

A huge piece

And you're gone

And then I wonder

How I can ever live without you

It really is the smallest things

You are there in the most minuscule of ways

But those moments we spend

Staring, tapping our screens

Looking for each other

Those moments are everything to me

They're what I'm purely living for

I want to stop

Especially if you hate me

If you bear me ill will

But idk how

How can I stop breathing

And how did you become the source of my life

The center of my darkness

When I'm less than nothing to you

Just a meme

Just a photo

Not even a complete thought

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mojavescr1pt · 7 years ago

Note

can i be obnoxious and ask what in fuck is happening? (pls feel free to ignore me heavily if you are overloaded!!) i have always found shelby to be one of the nicer people to me in my old neotag age, and hearing all this stuff is really, idk jarring? and i guess i'm confused with all the screencaps and (is that a discord server?? omg i am ancient). i just want to make sure everyone is okay and that i understand what is happening /: sorry to be a bother ahh

hey there, you ain’t bein obnoxious. believe you me its rough to be in a drama situation and have nowhere to turn.

before i get into my side of shit, the best place ive been following for this stuff is neotag-dogma. they’re apparently new?? as in tonight new?? and r reblogging the receipts and making posts abt what’s happening. more explanation under the cut.

for a quick tldr re: the discord situation: Gil and Tor, among the other major mods, ducked out from the Discord to handle irl stuff (i think, this was before my time). Shelby was promoted to mod and shortly thereafter started making major changes to the discord. i myself had found the atmosphere hyper controlling and i didn’t feel welcome in there, mostly bc i was on the Blacklist and could tell (more on this in a moment).anyway, skip forward several months, and Tor and Gil return. Tor makes a joke about another mod of the server, Jack sneezing into their mouth (a neotag meme at the time). Shelby swooped in and started rep reprimanding Tor. now what’s important to remember is that Tor was the owner of the server at the time. and Shelby was a low-level mod, talking about how Tor needed to behave in the server, talking about how she was making the server “better” and that Tor was “ruining” how good she was making it. it’s important to note the server was nigh dead at this point. and then what ensues is what’s in that imgur album of the server meltdown, where it’s revealed that instead of making a private channel, Shelby made an entirely new server for the mods, didn’t communicate to said mods, make 12 additional unnecessary chat channels---some of which were barely used, and overall made the environment hostile.

now as for what’s going on tonight; ppl are starting to post abt shelby’s behavior. i’ve mostly been posting abt what’s happening to me bc im a lil conceited when it comes to people lying about me; primarily something that’s a huge revelation is that there actually IS a Blacklist ran by Shelby; a ton of artists ive spoken to noticed that shelby never reblogged their art, which at first was fine, everyone has their own tastes. but then they started mapping it back and we slowly started to realize she was intentionally walling people out bc she didn’t like them. this theory was dubbed the Blacklist, and a ton of people pushed back against it and claimed there was no Blacklist. but surprise! there is/was one. this was revealed in one screenshot on neotag-dogma’s blog where she goes out of her way to message a new member to the tag, completely unprompted, telling them to avoid me, and my friends, and that i was a bully/enabler.

now not to sound cliche but; i dont think i rightfully fit that bill.

i think what stung most of all abt that revelation is that i was recently trying to re-befriend her. i was forgiving her for shutting me out, isolating me, making me self-conscious and anxious about my own art. and yet she was doin’ this shit. i sorta wish i had the self restraint to not go Hog Wild and scream on my main bc i would’ve loved to see how long she would’ve been able to pretend that nothing was wrong.

and this isn’t even touching on what happened to Em (gelertassassin). i reckon you’ve read that post already, and if not it’s probs the one directly below this post.

and this isn’t even touching on the people still compiling receipts. there’s so much shit that’s been hidden under the surface, that’s now coming up; i dont blame you for feeling like its jarring. maybe less than a day ago i had positive feelings towards her. but now? man its mixed as hell but i can’t say any of ‘em are positive.

shelby may have been a nice person at one point, but she’s turned sour and it’s sorta terrifying at how good she is at hiding this dark side of herself.

oh! and its never a bother to explain stuff like this

#ok to reblog #ask a bean #im super tired so sorry if its rambly #i hope i could help hgbhfbghfbg #venuquin

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moami · 7 years ago

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I follow you on twitter and from what I've seen you like Latin? And I just wonder why? My four years of Latin class were absolute hell but I love languages so maybe I'm too biased and I'm actually missing out on a cool language

Dear anonymous,

I do not like Latin. I adore Latin with the passion of Catullus’ poems and the same pathetic pining.

Latin is not easy fall in love with, but when you learn to adore it, it brings you more than just one new world.

I am not an expert in Latin considering the historical side, since my teacher that taught me from sixth until tenth grade did not touch ancient history much, while my teacher in eleventh and twelfth grade was a radical catholic priest that preferred to criticise Roman authors on our curriculum for their stories about orgies, openness about sexuality and general indulgence in life (honestly, we are talking about Latin. Come on. You really shouldn’t be surprised) and hated me for being the only atheist in class. So for any information on history, I’d recommend you one of the excellent ancient history blogs on this website. Also, look up Greek history as well because as far as I know, linguistic and cultural kleptomania of all things Greek was about as hip in ancient Rome as were ideas of conquering the entire world (and the word is Greek, too).

That being said, English is also not my only language, so I had an idea about what more extended grammar was expecting me. And that was a blessing. Now, I’m not saying that English doesn’t have difficult grammar at times - I learned it as my second language, and the start is always rough. But let’s face it: English has one article (the), nouns barely change when put through different cases, the list of irregular verbs is short and even with an at times confusing syntax, tenses are built on a few existing verb forms, and your verbs only have two different suffixes to mark person and singular/plural (-s for he, she, it or none at all). English is also the mad scientist trying to attain immortality of languages because it has puzzled itself together from parts of other languages and a huge part of it (at least one leg, the jawline and probably the nose that it keeps putting into other languages’ businesses) is rooted in Latin.

Latin... has a different word ending for nouns in every different case. It has five cases compared to English’s four, and if you add in prepositions, the real fun starts. I can’t go into detail here because I’m here to convince you and not deter you from the language, but Latin means memorizing and sometimes more so than in English. Skipping the grammar or not learning all of it? Not an option. And let me tell you, I was a tutor for Latin for a little while, and nothing - no translation - will yield to you and open up under your fingers if you do not know your grammar.

But here’s the thing, my friend.

Latin is not only beautiful and brutal with its ancient works going from light-hearted shenanigans to heartbreaking love to gods so grand and wars so terrible that we still shiver before them today.

Latin feels like home.

If you can read this post, then you know English. I don’t know what other languages you speak, dear anonymous. But our world is veined with Latin. It flows in our science, in art and literature and I cannot imagine an earth where Latin has never been because history, culture, nothing would be the same. Learning Latin is coming home because it’s always been around you, waiting for your call, for you to reach out for it, back in centuries and across time.

They say Latin is dead. I say, you can’t kill something that’s immortal and has more than eighteen different words for “to kill”, but never bothered to create something that means “yes” or “no”. Latin is not one old god but many at once and nothing can kill an army of old gods.

And then, its literature and art, its entire heritage, is so varied.

Latin can be sophisticated. It can be scientific, poetic, funny, witty, short or long, and you can have it because it’s probably already in your life.

Not to mention how many other languages will whisper your name as soon as Latin walks by your side. Spanish, Italian, French, Romanian, Portuguese, and don’t get me started on all the loanwords in English, German, Dutch...

I can write about Latin for eternities, because I burn for this language more than I do for real people, but let me show you how much Latin you already know, and how lovely it is.

You know audax because you know what brave means. You know bellum because you too have waged war and been a rebel. Maybe you’re afraid of beasts, but you know that they are all only beastiae, only animals inside. You care, so the word carus comes to you as naturally as those dear to you do. You’re not always strong, but fortis waits for you in comfort and effort and fortitude, so choose what you need. With ignis, you become fire. With mors, you take death out of immortality.

In conclusion: Learn Latin and be the the warrior of art, science, literature, culture, history and languages you want to be.

#latin #moamiswriting #languages #language #langblr #ancient history #history #asks answered #Anonymous

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birchwoodswolf · 7 years ago

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Are you okay? I'm sorry the fandom's been rough on you- it kinda sucks, but there are some really cool people here! (You're one of them, obviously.)

Full response under the cut, because this is kinda long and personal.

Anyway, here are the tags in question that almost certainly incited this ask (originally from this post):

#listen;;; okay;;;;; im so fuckin tired #ive had to deal with this shit for five years with no fuckin Release #this is literally the only reason ive stayed in the fandom after all this time: the fact that i fuckin KNEW that something would happen here #and now im so close to being RIGHT #and sure the hagemans giveth and the hagemans taketh away but they’ve already taken so much

#all i know is that either way im probably gonna be leaving the fandom after ns8 and id prefer to go out on a good note #if they’re just going to be fuckin julienbaiting trash till the end then fine by me i wont fuckin bother watching this stupid shit anymore #and if they go through with it? congrats; and now he’s dead permanently (probably) #and considering that the hope of his existence has been the only force keeping me from escaping this hell fandom #i for one cannot wait to be freed from my chains

And yes, I mean every word of that - but it’s not for the reason you’re alluding to. Honestly, I’ve had no huge issues with the fandom that would force me to leave (disregarding all the Disgusting Shippers) - there are some good people, and I’ve made a lot of friends here. It’s just that I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated with the show over the past several years. The only thing that’s kept me from leaving has been a feeling - almost a premonition - that Julien was going to get a better send-off than what he got in S3. After all, it ain’t over til the fat lady sings, and at that point, the fat lady didn’t even exist.

Am I so petty as to completely disregard the show because I’m mad about how my favorite character was treated? No, but I’m still really disappointed in it. He and Zane had (and by comparison to all seasons since, still have) the best platonic relationship in the entire show, possibly only tied with Cyrus and Pixal (and Cyrus hasn’t seen Pixal since the end of S3 - what’s with Ninjago and either dividing, ruining, or otherwise negatively interfering with parent/child relationships?). The love they had for each other was pure, simple, and unconditional - and in a way, they completed each other.

But the biggest issue I have with Ninjago, the most significant reason why the newer seasons piss me off so much, is the inverse relationship between the quality of the story and the quality of the visuals. Because, for whatever reason, the show can’t have both.

Sure, the pilot, S1, and S2 look decent - but they’re nothing compared to the later seasons. For an example, compare the water physics between the opening scene of Tick Tock and Morro’s death scene in E54:

It’s practically night and day - and this is only one aspect where things have improved significantly. Take the Spinjitzu; in the early seasons, it’s just a normal, flat tornado, but when Kai uses it in E55 (as one example), you can even see sparks flying off of it. Or how complex some of the areas have gotten, how much detail is present now compared to back in the early days.

Or the lighting. Or the effects. Or the creature designs.

The show has become more and more beautiful, but in the process, the story and characters have been completely decimated. The plots have also gotten much lazier - there could’ve been any number of ways to resolve S6 without resorting to retconning all of it, but nope! They lazily retcon it and create a huge paradox (as Sensei Yang’s temple was left floating in the sky, even though it was only pulled up there in E60 - which was obviously retconned, as only twelve minutes of S6 are effectively “canon” to the current timeline).

Then there’s the love triangle for lazy drama, and all the time they had to waste afterwards attempting to “fix” Jaya (which, to be completely honest, hasn’t worked at all). Most of the other relationships the show has teased haven’t worked out well, either, because there’s always something Really Bad about them (whether it’s the obvious emotional dependencies exhibited by Jay and Zane in their relationships, or all of the incest jokes with Kai and Skylor in S4, or whatever the fuck is wrong with Wu and Misako, which I honestly can’t put a name on).

And don’t even get me started on the characterization! Literally everyone has been reduced down to one or two traits - “robot”, or “annoying”, or “impulsive”, or “foodie”. Sure, these traits were always present back in the early seasons, but they weren’t nearly as exaggerated then as they were now. Jay’s and Zane’s characterizations have especially pissed me off - Jay’s extremely annoying practically 24/7 (especially in S6, jesus fuck), and after he went Titanium, Zane’s become a smarter-than-you asshole who’s always trying to fix shit by himself. (I could honestly go on about him all day, but I won’t.)

Out of the last several seasons, the only one that I can definitively say I liked was S5. The plot was interesting, and I could form an emotional connection with it; the characterization was still decent (or at least not anywhere near as bad as in S6); a ton of cool concepts were introduced, such as the Cloud Kingdom, the Realm Crystal, and Nya being the Water Ninja, among other things; and I liked all of the new characters.

I also liked Day of the Departed, and S7 was decent, but S3, S4, and S6 were honestly terrible. S3 and S6 don’t need any explanation (as the only redeeming qualities are some of the new characters, as well as the last 10 minutes of E34 and TLR); but S4 was mostly just because I was having major issues with the fandom at the point, decided to take a break from it, and never got back around to watching it (as I only came back to the fandom as soon as the S5 hype train got rolling).

And speaking of fandom issues, boy do I have some. I hate how a lot of people in the fandom are extremely homophobic and/or transphobic. I hate how a significant chunk of the fandom ships Lloyd with the other Ninja, even though they’re all adults and 5-6 years older than Lloyd. I hate how a lot of those same people ship Nya with a man at least twice her age.

I hate how Morro is included in photosets of “all of the main ninja!!!!!” more often than Nya. I hate how some people in the fandom romanticize the way Morro abused Lloyd in S5. I hate how the entire fandom has a double standard when it comes to people who have done bad things: how if they’re young and conventionally attractive, they’re a ~smol pure bby~, and if they’re not, they’re the evilest scum to ever live.

I hate how nobody cares about the side characters. I hate how nobody acknowledges good friendships, only ships. And I hate how nobody thinks for themselves, thinks for even five seconds, before following along with whatever is popular.

The only reason I’ve stuck around this long - which will be five years in November - is because I’ve had just a bit of hope. A small, feeble hope - one that I could finally get a good ending, that I could finally be satisfied with the show. That I could finally watch the show because I want to watch it, not because I feel like I need to.

And that moment is finally so, so close - I can feel it in my bones. I’ve wanted to be able to escape for years, but I’ve never been able to; I’ve always been dragged back in. And now that freedom so close, that it’s almost here, I’m more afraid than ever that it’s all going to come crashing down.

And on top of that, I don’t really feel all that appreciated here. My meta posts get some attention, but only if they’re short. My music boxes get some attention, but Tumblr doesn’t let them show up in the tag, and thus they get far fewer notes than they really could/would. My fics get few reblogs and even fewer comments, because the “you should always reblog art and give good feedback to support the artist!!!!!!!” doesn’t apply for fanfic writers. And don’t even get me started on my theories, especially my Samurai X theory as of late; I put a lot of effort into those - to make sure that they’re hole-free, to make sure that they make sense, to make sure that they could possibly happen - and all I get is one or two comments from people who really appreciate the work I’ve put into it, and criticism from people who already have their minds set on whatever arbitrary explanation.

For all of these reasons, I really want to drop out of the fandom, or at least hibernate for a while. Most of the people from earlier in the fandom’s history - including lots of my friends - have moved on to other things at this point, mostly because they didn’t find it worthwhile to stick around. They’ve all been able to leave, but I’m still stuck here.

Which is why I’ve honestly resolved to drop out of the fandom after NS8. By that point, I’ll have gotten one of two things - either a good send-off for my favorite character, one that I’ve been waiting for for five years; or a final confirmation that this show no longer has anything to offer me. It doesn’t mean that I won’t like the show anymore, or that I’ll stop watching it - it’s just that there won’t be any reason for me to be active in the fandom, and thus I won’t do so as often.

So yeah.

#ninjago #my posts #my meta #kinda #allmyfavesareflawed #dr. julien #zane #cyrus #pixal #morro #kai #jay #skylor #sensei wu #misako #nya

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abigfuckingbully · 5 years ago

Conversation

Aiden Burke: This book is based in reality. How autobiographical is it?

Atticus Davis: This book is heavily autobiographical. It's a warped version of true life events.

Aiden Burke: You used to play music?

Atticus Davis: I grew up playing music. I thought originally that I was going to be a successful musician but I found it incredibly difficult. I was getting good at guitar, I had started a few bands from the ages of 16-19. Tried to make solo work but quit. I was depressed. Everyone I worked with 'couldn't do it anymore' or just 'lost interest.' I was 19 when I really finally gave up music and the hope of starting a band. To be honestly I'll never fully give that dream up, I'm a great performer. I am interested in being vox for a post-hardcore/math band. If you live in the Bay Area and you like my poetry hmu. My brother is the only one still making music as of now and he lives in Japan. I thought we were going to make music together at one point and play out. Again, just never happened.

Aiden Burke: You started writing when you quit music?

Atticus Davis: Yeah. It was a great decision. I had full control over the outcomes whereas with music I was relying on so many other people and their being fickle...

I started writing this collection of poetry titled 'Adulthoods,' which is how I eventually met my ex-girlfriend. Which I think is described in the book.

I can finish what I start and get my work as far as I want when I write.

Aiden Burke: Music is still important to your life.

Atticus Davis: Absolutely. I grew up in punk which lead to a really young interest in Anarchism and Ecology. When I was 16-19 I was frequenting shows and the more I learned I heavier life felt. I read Evasion and I read Endgame by Derrick Jensen, which is about how civilizations are all unsustainable and how our only hope for our future is violence against the state and monkey wrenching. I still believe in those things. But I was radicalized and exposed to those politics mostly thru music. I was hugely connected in music but I stopped frequenting shows when I was falsely accused of stalking a peripheral friend I'd known for 8 years.

Aiden Burke: You were blacklisted?

Atticus Davis: I was used for sex and then disposed of. I started to try to talk to this person about how I felt and found them completely unsympathetic. I had an idea that her ex boyfriend would be part of the picture again but I had no idea that we weren't going to be friends after 8 years of knowing each other. I tried voicing how I felt but I was met with silence and disinterest in the conversation then deemed a stalker for not accepting the silence. Feel like stalkers aren't confrontational. Feel like if the gender roles were reversed people would have been defending me and up in arms. They would have had to talk.

Aiden Burke: That's a huge loss of faith for you.

Atticus Davis: Yeah, after that I couldn't #believewomen and lost all interest in feminism. It seemed like a girl's club, borderline female supremacy, and on the ground having too many inevitable pitfalls for me to give a fuck what happened to women.

Aiden Burke: You said in a previous interview that you're interested in 'the relationship story,' or that model. That appears a lot in this book too.

Atticus Davis: Yeah, I wanted this book originally to be a vehicle to talk about all my previous relationships but by the time I actually got to writing about those relationships my memory was so bad that I really had to mine myself for the content. It ended up having the relationship stories in it but having a completely different main thread.

Aiden Burke: And You said that was heavily influenced by alt lit/indie lit.

Atticus Davis: Yeah I literally just used to write poems about myself/my thoughts but I started reading people like Mary Miller and Elizabeth Ellen who write about other people. I didn't think/care if it was responsible I was just blown away that you could make art and sort of create these portraits of relationships with people you're dating/have dated. It makes you care more about those relationships and draw more meaning from them. Alt Lit/Indie Lit was a huge influence on me and initially reminded me of punk in that everyone was young and making this explosive/pop art. But they really aren't very punk, like, at all. The snobbery that pops up in countercultural/indie/punk circles is covered a lot in this book and that's what alt lit/indie lit starts to reek of. Punk was already dead to me at that point. Autobiographical fiction seemed like a very intimate thing. Like, real life stories with the names changed was completely new as an idea to me. A lot of the book No Such Thing as Broken is like @abigfuckingbully in that way.

Aiden Burke: In this book you're the main character. How much of this character are you?

Atticus Davis: The character is definitely a more potent version of myself because I can compose it but it's like a film in that it's 'hyperrealistic'

Aiden Burke: There's a scene where you repeat that, 'feminism is cancer.' Do you mean that?

Atticus Davis: No. The main character is an obstinate person who resists completely identifying as a feminist for the same reason I do. He's repeating a slogan he'd heard a woman tell him before, I took it from a conservative. It's mostly just to set himself apart from people who relinquish parts of themselves for the hope of cohesion/tolerance. He/I believe that in order to be moral/altruistic the way you arrive at and believe what you believe is as important.

It's also kind of an extreme inversion of the attitude of people virtue signalling. Hiding in a kind of filth of anti-social 'values'/ideas more than beliefs. Even if I believe what you believe I am/this character is definitely averse to wearing those beliefs on his sleeves because to him it feels more like a prostitution of belief or a way of building some exclusive club. I wrote it because I knew you're literally 'not allowed' to say that, it's like blasphemy of a religion, so definitely wanted to include it, just to fuck people up and reject people's sensibilities like Dostoyevsky Wannabe or anyone else who was convinced I was alt-right.

Aiden Burke: This character rejects counter culture strongly.

Atticus Davis: Yeah I think there's a lot of things/experiences that show a lot of intolerance, misunderstanding, and elitism in punk/alternative circles. I've seen call out culture abused and completely without substance or oppositely for the purpose of social control. Once exposed to this jealous boyfriend, of the girl who accused me of stalking her, who used the accusation that I 'fetishize women of color' to try and get his ex-gf to stop fucking me. It was founded in nothing. I like/date white girls predominately but I've also dated outside of my race, like anybody else in the Bay Area. It was a racist thing to say tho and definitely only served to satisfy a jealous person.

Aiden Burke: What do you want people to take away from this book?

Atticus Davis: I want people to break out of any paradigm and be militant in mining your life for personal truth and then acting accordingly. I want people who believe in things like anarchism and feminism to question if they are making progress and meeting like minds or alienating people and driving intelligent people out of their group/scene/'community'.

The different between thought and endorsement.

I also want people to be more accepting of sexuality in general. Seems like the counterculture succeeded to be the snake eating itself so that now women are just as interested in suppression of male sexuality as men used to be interested in suppression of female sexuality. Can't be entirely convinced that men who are openly sexual/sexually viable in a small group isn't met with anger outright. The counterculture is accepting of sex if it fits into what women view as 'appropriate' which means subtle and don't hit on anyone. But I've gotten laid hitting on women and have brought a lot of the women I've had in my life into my life by being arrogantly open about sex or just communicate that my interest is more than being friends.

Aiden Burke: What do you believe this story is about, if you had to summarize it?

Atticus Davis: It's about never giving up and never giving in even if it feels wrong while it's happening you might find yourself closer to yourself and in effect closer to God. It's really about how nihilistic I am and how the only things I really beleive in are myself and God.

Aiden Burke: Does this novel make you feel closer to God?

Atticus Davis: Yes, absolutely.

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