#nothing compares HURGH | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

atzfilm · 2 years ago

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THE ANSWER: XXII

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

← previous || next → || masterlist chapter word count: 9,191 chapter warnings: ... suggestive content ...

The two days of notice that San gave you before the trip into town pass in the blink of an eye. You spent a lot of your time helping San go over the request lists, trying to sort out what was feasible for the trip that they had planned and what wasn’t.

You, obviously, had never been around the nearest town. You had driven through it to get here, sure, but you hardly had the thought to stop and take a look around. You had been focused on exactly one thing at the time, and that had been Mingi.

According to San, the ‘town’ isn’t really a town at all. In the government’s eyes, it’s an ‘unincorporated territory,’ which, apparently, so is the land that the farm sits on. Thus, the town doesn’t even have a real name. It’s just… town. And the town did not have all of the fancy amenities that a real town would have. Just a few mom-and-pop type stores and trade workshops.

For more niche products, the group would have to go further away, to the nearest real civilization. But the group going out today has no plans to go any farther than ‘town,’ and thus you had spent a lot of time asking San the sort of things that they could get, in order to help with the request lists (which were much lengthier than you had expected them to be).

Basically, they could get their hands on most everyday products, with a few minor exceptions. There’s a grocery store, a general store, a liquor store (of course), a mechanic that doubled as a supply store and a bar, and… that’s it. The town doesn’t serve many patrons, this general area (clearly) being quite unpopulated. San explained that, while the group owns the land for miles surrounding the main complex, the nearest neighbors are all farmers, and the same goes for miles beyond even them.

So, all of that is really just to say that town is small. And that the resources are limited. So quite a few of the requests were easy enough to completely rule out on your own (you figured the likelihood of one of those stores carrying the Miyabi knives Wooyoung had requested to be very small). By the end of the lists, you felt that you had a pretty good grasp on the types of things available in town.

Which could come in handy, eventually.

If anything, at least you know now that there are, in fact, living people that aren’t cult members somewhere in your vicinity. Maybe not your running vicinity… but still nearby enough to give you a small sense of hope.

If these people are normal, or as normal as a bunch of people that live in the middle of nowhere can be, they must be able to see that something is weird with the commune people. Perhaps the biggest red flag being the whole living on a commune thing. And they aren’t exactly subtle with the religion part, either, with the pins and medallions and everything.

And Hongjoong is an entirely separate type of weird. The type of weird that you can understand just from him looking at you. So, if anything, they must know something is off with him, at least. And, luckily for you (unluckily for town, you suppose), Hongjoong is joining this particular expedition into town.

You can’t imagine that the townspeople like the culties too much. Especially not their obvious leader.

Maybe, just maybe, they’ll act upon their suspicions.

You won’t count on it, as any hope that someone from the outside world could save you had dwindled away a long time ago. But it’s a nice thought, at least, that you’re not alone in your hatred of Hongjoong. And that that hatred could inspire something in other people that have the ability to do something.

Anyways, it’s probably not worth dwelling on.

You return to your senses, taking in the scene around you.

It’s early morning, so early that Hongjoong had canceled his morning service. The sun is hardly above the horizon, though it’s bright enough that you have to squint as you stand outside with the majority of the other followers. There’s hustle and bustle as the chosen few going into town shuffle about, confirming plans and saying their goodbyes.

You stand with your hands shoved in the pockets of a jacket that San insisted you wear. You hadn’t thought that you would need it, and you wouldn’t admit it, but he was right. Your fingers are so cold that you almost want gloves, and don’t even get started on your ears. Since when is the fall so… brisk?

Looking at the positives of the current moment, however, you’re able to forget about how cold you are. You’re alone. For the first time in what must be over a week now.

By ‘alone,’ you’re not truly alone, but as close as you’ve gotten since your punishment was doled out. There’s people all around you, and you definitely wouldn’t get far if you tried to run, but the three men that have plagued your existence are more than ten feet from you for the first time in forever.

So you try and appreciate the moment while you have it. Though you’re getting rid of Hongjoong for the day… your alternative isn’t much better. Since San has to go as well, you’re being left with Seonghwa.

You glance around, trying to find Seonghwa’s form in the blinding light of the rising sun. He’s not too hard to find, glued to Hongjoong’s hip as usual. The two are talking, though you couldn’t fathom to guess what about. It seems like a pretty normal conversation from your view.

But oh how you had pleaded with San to try and convince Hongjoong to leave you with someone else. Literally one of the least pleasant things you could imagine would be being forced to spend an entire day of your life with Seonghwa, a man who is outspoken about his dislike for you, and yet your pleading went nowhere. San assured you that he had asked Hongjoong, but Hongjoong was adamant that you be left with Seonghwa and no one else.

Even though you wouldn’t be surprised to discover that he has the desire, at least this is a sign that Hongjoong trusts Seonghwa enough to not kill you. That’s promising, right?

You look around further in an attempt to spot San. It’s a bit… weird to not be with him, you must admit to yourself. You wouldn’t say you miss him, but… it’s disconcerting for him to be out of your range of vision. You stay planted in one spot, turning around to look for him in the crowds of people awaiting the send off.

No luck. He must have snuck back inside, because he’s definitely nowhere to be seen out in the yard.

It’s not hard to find another certain someone, however.

Mingi’s hair is as bright as ever (you wonder in the back of your mind if he had requested more hair dye), and his height certainly sticks out as well. He’s not going into town, you know that for sure, but he socializes with the others as if he is. He floats between groups of people, smiling and laughing and being happy and amazing and sweet… haha. You watch him go to the next group, clapping Yunho on the back as he sneaks up behind him.

For some reason, Yunho had been invited to join the party in to town. Whatever makes him eligible for the privilege, you have no idea, but you thought it better to not ask.

A feverish hand lands on your shoulder and you startle, turning to face its owner despite already having a clear idea of who it is.

Hongjoong is already smiling as you face him, his hand not moving from your shoulder even once you’re fully turned around. His touch is as burning as ever. You slightly jerk your shoulder in an attempt to shake his grasp, but it doesn’t work.

“It’s a lovely morning, (Y/n).” Hongjoong greets you, and you now notice Seonghwa looming over his shoulder.

You nod your head, though more out of wanting to placate him than actually agree.

Hongjoong finally drops his hand, folding his arms over his chest. He glances back at Seonghwa, tilting his head so as to direct him to your side. “As you know, Seonghwa will be watching you while San is gone.” (Seonghwa acts like he practically has to drag himself to stand at your side as Hongjoong says this.) “And I wanted to share with you some of my expectations for your behavior.”

Jesus. You exercise some serious self control to keep yourself from rolling your eyes or groaning. You keep what you hope is a neutral expression.

“These rules go for both of you.” Hongjoong looks between yourself and Seonghwa. Seonghwa doesn’t stop himself from sighing a deep, clearly annoyed sigh. “Most importantly, behave.”

What the hell does that mean? Behave. Seriously?

“The two of you seem to bring out the worst in each other. Change it. Or simply leave each other completely alone, I don’t care.” Hongjoong’s eyes dance between the two of you, and it’s clear that this is a message to be shared equally. “No fighting. No being rude for the sake of being rude.”

Seonghwa sighs again.

Hongjoong doubles down on him, pointing at the center of Seonghwa’s chest. “No hands will be laid on (Y/n),” he glances at you, his tone dropping. “And none on Seonghwa, either.”

You furrow your brows. Had you ever laid hands on anyone here? Well, okay, maybe you threw some clothes at Seonghwa and maybe you tried to, like, kick him a little bit, but that was all perfectly justified. Whatever Hongjoong says, you have the right to at least defend yourself if you need to. Sometimes preemptive defense is… necessary…

“What can we do?” Seonghwa asks in a tone that you never thought you would hear him use with Hongjoong. You’re so shocked that you even look back at him, though he doesn’t so much as flick his eyes downward at you.

Hongjoong smiles as you turn back to face him, apparently thinking up some wondrous ideas. “Get to know each other? Kindly?” He sounds sarcastic.

You don’t know about Seonghwa, but you shake your head at his suggestion.

Hongjoong shrugs his shoulders, his hands dropping back to his sides. “Fine, keep hating each other.” His tone shifts. “But I mean it. Get along, both of you, or there will be punishments. I won’t say everything that needs to be said, because I know both of you to be competent adults capable of being around people you don’t get along with. So, simply put, behave.”

He puts a hand on your shoulder and a hand on Seonghwa’s, pushing the two of you together until your arms bump together. “It would make me so happy if you two just got along.”

You don’t know about Seonghwa, but you couldn’t care less about what would make Hongjoong happy. Instead, you’re focused on the feeling of his palm on your shoulder again, his touch so burning hot that its confusing. How is it possible for someone’s hands to be so hot? If anything, shouldn’t they be cold?

His hand falls away as three vehicles pull up from… fuck. You have no idea where they came from. Why hadn’t you been paying closer attention? Was distracting you the only thing that Hongjoong had in mind with that little conversation? Fuck.

You realize why you hadn’t been able to spot San earlier, then, as you find him in the driver’s seat of one of the cars that had pulled up. Not just any car, either. Your car.

Your jaw drops, if only for a few seconds before you pull it together. What the fuck, man? This is, like, some new level of unnecessary. Your car? Seriously? With San driving?

Trying to not show how bothered you are, you approach your car, bending slightly to peer into the open driver’s side window. “Nice ride.” The words fall flat out of your mouth.

San gives you that awkward, sideways smile he presents when he’s sorry that he can’t help you. “I’m sorry, (Y/n).” He sounds genuine in his apology, his tone a bit rough.

You cross your arms, staring into your car. It’s just as you had left it, plus a few things that San is bringing with him. “Be careful driving, the airbags are all out.” You point at the flashing light on the dash. That light was courtesy of Mingi driving you into just about the biggest pothole you had ever seen in your life. The airbags didn’t deploy, but the light immediately came on and never turned back off.

“So that’s what the flashing depiction of an airbag means, I never would’ve guessed!” He gives you a full smile. “Thank you, (Y/n).” He drops his voice. “I really am sorry.”

You hit his shoulder playfully, a smile of your own forming across your face. “Don’t be a jerk.” Your smile turns bittersweet as you drop your own voice. “But it’s not your fault.” You peek into the back seat, jokingly pointing at the floor. “You’re sure I can’t just hop in?”

San inhales sharply, shaking his head along with your joke. “I think Hongjoong might notice, somehow?”

“Darn…” You straighten yourself back up, taking a few steps back in order to still see San clearly. “Uh, be safe?”

He smiles again, nodding. “I will, and you do the same. Remember what I said about Seonghwa. Just ignore him, and the day will be fine.”

You sigh, putting your hands in your pockets once more. “I’ll try.”

As if on queue, you turn away from San to be greeted by the appearance of Hongjoong and Seonghwa himself.

“Ready to head out?” Hongjoong asks San, bending in a similar fashion to how you had. San agrees, nodding his head. “Well,” Hongjoong turns his attention back to you and Seonghwa. “I’ll leave you two here, then. Remember what I told you.”

He takes a step closer to you, replacing his hand on your shoulder once more. “And remember, (Y/n), that Seonghwa is in charge when I’m gone. He holds my authority.” He drops his hand from you, moving it over to Seonghwa. “And Seonghwa, do well to remember not to abuse it.” There’s clearly a threat in how he addressed both of you.

Seonghwa takes a step closer to Hongjoong, gently grabbing his upper arm, pulling his hand off of you. You step backward, happy to be out of Hongjoong’s reach. “You worry too much,” Seonghwa trails his hand down Hongjoong’s arm, grabbing his hand. He steps closer to Hongjoong, leaving little space between them.

You frown, not enjoying being forced to witness… whatever this is.

Seonghwa lowers his voice, but you can still hear him. “Can we say goodbye privately?” It’s strange to hear Seonghwa say something so… genuine.

You have half the mind to turn around, just to grant Seonghwa’s request if Hongjoong won’t. Unfortunately, the scene unfolds before you can.

“That’s not necessary, Seonghwa.” Hongjoong’s face is blank as he looks up at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa sighs, but doesn’t argue. To your shock (perhaps horror?), Seonghwa dips his face toward Hongjoong, aiming to kiss him. Aiming. And failing.

Hongjoong turns his face as Seonghwa gets close, his eyes locking with yours. You manage to keep yourself from gasping, though the awkwardness of what just happened has you embarrassed. Hongjoong shakes his hand from Seonghwa’s, lifting it to rest on his chest. He pushes him gently backwards, finally turning his eyes back toward Seonghwa’s face. “Goodbye, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa scoffs, loud enough for you to hear. He turns from Hongjoong, his sight setting on you. If Seonghwa wasn't such an asshole, you might feel bad seeing the way his eyes sparkle between his furious blinks.

You look back to Hongjoong, wondering just what the fuck he thinks he's doing. If he wants you and Seonghwa to get along so badly, pissing Seonghwa off right before leaving the two of you alone probably isn't the best idea. Just a thought. Hongjoong's expression is as blank as it was when he addressed Seonghwa. He doesn't even give you a smile when he notices your gaze, simply nodding once in goodbye.

Seonghwa makes a show of storming toward you. His boots kick up the dirt driveway in his wake, sending clouds of dust up behind him. As he passes, he doesn't grab your arm as you would've expected.

"Let's go, princess." His voice is thick, deeper than normal as he commands you to follow him.

He doesn't stop for you. You shove your hands back into your pockets, holding your jacket down to your body as you jog to catch up with him.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

Seonghwa leads the way back inside, taking you to his apartment. He doesn’t speak to you, opting instead to mumble under his breath just quietly enough that you can’t decipher his exact words. You can’t decide if he does it to purposely annoy you, or if he’s genuinely so pissed that he’s mumbling to himself.

Hopefully the former. Spending the day with a pissed off Seonghwa… You shudder at the thought. He’s hard enough to deal with when he’s in a good mood.

When you reach the door of his apartment, he digs angrily into one of his front pockets, fishing out a key and unlocking the door with surprising force. He shoves the door open, making it bounce off of the door stop as he passes through the doorway.

You follow him, a bit hesitant. He continues into the living space, not giving even a single glance back to you. You shut the door behind you, taking a few moments to take in Seonghwa’s quarters.

His apartment is laid out quite similarly to Hongjoong’s and you own, with (you assume) the same features. The kitchen and living room are connected, with a single door leading to the bedroom and bathroom.

There’s something off, though. And it’s hard to put your finger on it at first. Seonghwa points it out to you before you can dwell on the matter for too long.

“I don’t spend much time here, obviously. You won’t find anything if you snoop around, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

That’s exactly it. The entire living space that you can see is… devoid of any signs of living. No personal effects or misaligned furniture or clothes on the floor or… anything. It’s like the model unit that they show during tours, except somehow even plainer and more depressing.

You walk further inside, looking around in an obvious manner. “Don’t you have any stuff?”

Seonghwa folds his arms, rolling his eyes. “Yes, and it’s all in Hongjoong’s apartment.” He states this as if it has to be the most obvious thing in the world.

Sitting down on his couch (that is indistinguishable from your own), you fold your arms in turn. “Really? You remember that I’ve been there, right?” You match his energy, even though it’s probably not the best idea to provoke him further.

Seonghwa squints at you, tilting his head as he moves to sit on the chair next to the couch. “What makes you think you’ve seen all there is to see?”

Fuck. You know that you really shouldn’t be making him more angry, but it’s just so tempting. You try for a good, solid second to restrain yourself. But then you give in. “I’ve spent a lot of time in his bedroom, is all I mean.” You’re lying, of course, but the lie hits home.

You watch as Seonghwa’s face cycles through conflicting emotions. He settles on… more angry. “Princess, you can’t make me jealous.”

You frown. “It kinda seems like I can?”

“I know that you’re not sleeping with him.” Seonghwa’s eyes narrow despite the statement, as if he’s searching for any indication that he’s wrong.

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell, pervert.” A smile spreads across your face, clearly you’re getting your way.

Seonghwa smiles bitterly. “Maybe so, but Hongjoong does. I would know.”

You can’t decide if he means that ‘he would know’ as in he would know if you had slept with Hongjoong, or if ‘he would know’ because Hongjoong has talked about his relationship with Seonghwa publicly. You take the opportunity as you see it. “What, exactly, is your relationship with him?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, princess?” Seonghwa’s expression drops as he leans back in the chair. “It’s none of your business.”

You sigh, disappointed but not surprised by his response. “Can I be real with you for, like, one second? No pettiness?” You ask.

Seonghwa gives you a look that says ‘why-on-earth-would-you-want-to-do-that,’ but nods anyway.

“Hongjoong…” you start, not exactly knowing how to phrase your sentence. “Hongjoong rejecting you like that, in front of us, was him just being an asshole.” Seonghwa cuts you off with a groan. “And I’m sorry, because that was equally as horrifying to witness as it was to experience.”

Seonghwa holds up his hands, shaking his head. “I do not need your sympathy. I’m quite used to Hongjoong’s behaviors.”

“It just seemed like-”

“I don’t care what it seemed like. You don’t know anything about our relationship, you cannot overanalyze one interaction and act like you know all that there is to know about my feelings or his!” Seonghwa rushes the words out, his voice rising slightly by the end of his tangent. He doesn’t yell, but it’s enough to placate you.

“Fine. I don’t care, anyways.” You scoff. “I don’t know why I even tried.”

The both of you lapse into silence, nothing to be heard except for your angered breathing.

Seonghwa suddenly smiles, causing a suspicious sinking feeling in your stomach. “I’m going to offer you some unsolicited relationship advice.”

“No.” You immediately respond, despite him not asking.

“Yes. You and Mingi fought, right?”

Your gaze snaps to his, your expression confirming his question.

“I think you forgot about us being next-door neighbors. Honestly, I should’ve stepped in the second I realized you had broken the rules of your punishment, but what kind of fun would that have been?” He leans forward in his chair, uncrossing his arms to rest his elbows on his thighs. “I’m surprised you got him upset enough to confess.”

He stares at you as if he’s waiting for some type of response from you, but you give him nothing. You stare back at him, trying to control your breathing and your emotions. He just wants to make you mad. You won’t be giving him the satisfaction.

When you make it clear that you won’t be replying, he shrugs. “I’m sure you remember when Hongjoong and I told you why Mingi came here.” Unfortunately, you remember that night all too well. You hadn’t wanted to believe it at the time, despite a tiny part of yourself knowing that it was true. And, now that Mingi confirmed the facts, it hits all too much more painfully. That’s what Seonghwa was going for then, and it’s what he’s going for now; to hurt you. “Here’s a piece of advice for both of you. Mingi is right to be scared of Hongjoong. Mingi was a means to an end for Hongjoong and, now that we’re at the end…” Seonghwa lets his sentence hang in the air.

The room is silent. You stare across at Seonghwa, registering the information for what it is: a threat. Seonghwa isn’t smiling any longer, though. His face is serious.

If he had still been smiling, you would’ve called his bluff. Like, seriously, it’s a bit ridiculous to have Seonghwa just outright threaten Mingi like that, but you wouldn’t put it past him to say it just to get a rise out of you. But he’s not smiling and there’s no bluff to call.

“Hongjoong is going to kill Mingi?”

Seonghwa shrugs his shoulders lightly, looking away from you as though actually hearing you say it had been too much for him.

“Seonghwa.” You get his attention back. “You can’t just say that and then go silent.”

His eyes meet yours as he shrugs again. “I’m not saying that it’s imminent. I’m just saying that Hongjoong would use any excuse if he thinks Mingi is a threat to…” Seonghwa searches for the right words, clearly not wanting to give you the full story. “His plans.”

You set your jaw, looking down at your hands in your lap. You squeeze them together, cracking each of your knuckles for a moment of distraction. Huh. You’re expecting the weight of this information to hit you at any second, but… it doesn’t. You’re scared for Mingi, yes. Terrified. Horrified that you could be the reason that the both of you are in this situation, mortified that you could be the reason he dies. But the actual… emotion… isn’t there.

It’ll come, but apparently not now. Some things are too much to fully comprehend as they happen. Is this normally how people react when they find out things like this? Coldly? Numbly? Granted, it’s not a common situation to find out that someone close to you is apparently one misstep away from being murdered, but… There must be some sort of proper reaction. Is this it?

Still looking at your hands, “Seonghwa, please.” You’re not sure if he’s looking at you, you don’t even care if he is or not. “Can’t you- I don’t- why, why can’t you… can’t you just tell me what’s coming?” You flick your eyes up to look at him. He’s shaking his head.

You’re not sure what hits you, but it’s suddenly imperative that Seonghwa understands your desperation. You unlink your hands, pushing yourself off of the couch. You take the few steps separating the couch from the chair Seonghwa sits on, stopping with your feet between his own. He looks up at you, an unreadable expression on his face. “Let me go. Right now, just, let’s go outside and just let me go.”

“What? Princess, I, no, no tha—”

“I distinctly remember you once telling me that Hongjoong would forgive you if you killed me. Just, just let me go and tell him I’m dead.” You’re not really thinking as you’re speaking.

“(Y/n).” Your name sounds entirely foreign in his voice. Seonghwa is clearly dumbfounded. “He wouldn’t. That was a lie. He would never, ever forgive me, he’d kill me.”

You grab his shoulders, bending to fall onto your knees in front of him. “Come with me, we can go together.”

Seonghwa is shaking his head before you even finish the plea. “I can’t leave him, princess.”

You let go of him, letting yourself fall back onto your ass in front of him. You frown, not that you had really, truly expected anything different. “Aren’t you scared of him?”

He contemplates you from his now higher position, shaking his head. “I love him.”

Wrapping your arms around your knees, you pull them up to your chest in front of you. “He doesn’t know what love is.”

His brows furrow as if he’s confused you would even say such a thing. “I know. Get up.” His voice loses any softness that it had held with his last sentiment. There goes that moment.

When you don’t instantly obey, opting to instead regard him with mild resentment, he continues. “I’m going to do you a favor, princess, and not mention that little outburst to Hongjoong. I’m sure you’ve proposed comparative ideas to San and been rejected. Wisely. It’d be foolish to bring up these ideas again, so I’ll let it go trusting that you’ll see reason.” He tilts his head, scowling down at you. “Didn’t I tell you to get up?”

You glare up at him, making a point to let go of your legs so that you can cross your arms over your chest. You fold your legs back under you, making it clear that you won’t be moving.

“Princess,” Seonghwa leans forward, bending at his waist to lower himself to your eye line. “You must see how this is a compromising position. You really shouldn’t be on your knees in front of a man that isn’t Hongjoong.”

Frowning, you scootch yourself back a few inches to put more distance between yourself and Seonghwa. “You really are a pervert, huh?”

“I meant nothing sexual, princess.” His tone is nearly too serious, an unidentifiable edge to his words.

While mumbling something under your breath like ‘yeah right I’m sure,’ you begrudgingly get back to your feet and return to the couch; only because the floor was starting to get uncomfortable. Not because you’re listening to him, obviously.

Seonghwa observes you harshly as you make yourself comfortable. If you didn’t know better, you would say he looks frustrated. Frustrated, frustrated.

But, of course, this is Seonghwa you’re talking about. No way. Not over you.

…

You swallow, really looking at him for the first time in quite a while. Seonghwa is… not ugly. You’ve noticed this many times before. Even as he stares at you like he would gladly spit on your grave, he’s…

No, you don’t even want to think it. You’re obviously completely misreading his look. You’re not going down this road right now, no thank you.

…….

Unless he’s gonna go down this road right now, then you might consider it. You’re only human.

Even if Seonghwa is objectively evil and has threatened you on numerous occasions and is a loyal cult member and is Hongjoong’s closest confidant… he’s hot. And its been a long time.

Certainly this can be rationalized somehow. That’s for the you of the future, though, as far as you’re concerned. You can think hard and reflect on your actions after it happens. If anything happens. Not that it will.

You clear your throat, dragging your eyes off of Seonghwa. “Is it hot in here?” With one hand, you unbutton just one of the top buttons holding your shirt together, grabbing the material and shaking it a bit for ventilation.

When Seonghwa doesn’t respond, you hazard to look back at him. Your eyes lock and, if looks could kill, you’re sure you’d be dead. Your hand on your shirt halts, flattening against your chest.

Seonghwa’s fists are tightly clenched at his sides, his knuckles so white you question whether or not it’s possible to break your own fingers from squeezing too hard.

He swallows hard, breaking your eye contact to look down at his lap. “I hate you.” He almost says it too quietly for you to hear. He looks up sharply, your eyes locking once more. “I hate you.” He repeats himself, with more conviction this time.

You don’t move, staying frozen in your seat.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

You truthfully don’t know what he means, so you opt to look back down at your hands.

“I didn’t say look away.”

You raise your head again, not afraid to show your annoyance. “How am I looking at you?”

Seonghwa rolls his eyes, but you can see the way his hands clench at his knees. “With your little fuck-me eyes,” he sighs loudly, “its driving me fucking crazy.”

… So there it is. You can’t resist the smile spreading across your face, eager to hear that you’re both apparently on the same page. “Clearly.”

Seonghwa leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Can I… just, just— God, just come here.” He beckons you toward him, pointing to the spot between his legs.

“Why.” You ask without changing your inclination. You know perfectly well why.

He sits up straight, his glare stronger than ever. “Come here.”

Though the logical side of you refuses, the illogical side apparently has control over your body. You step closer to him, taking just a few small steps before landing in the space between his knees.

“You… might be the devil.” Seonghwa, now eye-to-’eye’ with your midriff, sucks in a breath. His hands clench where they rest on his knees. He turns his face upward to look at you, nearly grimacing at your proximity. “What is it,” he asks, whispering, “that you have… that I don’t?”

Hesitantly, he releases his hands, flexing his fingers. His fingertips ghost across the backs of your knees, sending a tingle up your legs.

“May I?” He breathes the question, barely enunciating the words.

You swallow hard, your own hands clenching hard at your sides. What the fuck have you gotten in to?

And why are you into it?

“Yes.”

Seonghwa closes his eyes, lowering his face so as to not look at you any further. He exhales deeply, his breath passing through the light cotton of your shirt and warming your stomach. His hands wrap around your lower thighs so forcefully that you nearly have to grab onto him to steady yourself. You catch yourself in part thanks to your own reflexes, but mainly due to Seonghwa pushing you back into a steady position.

His thumbs brush up and down against the denim of your pants, his fingers pressing into the flesh of your thighs. His hands creep slowly upward as he tilts his face downward to monitor their progress. He rests his forehead against your stomach, his lips tantalizingly close to the waistband of your jeans.

He groans as his fingers reach the curve of your ass, forgoing the creative use of his thumbs to devote his entire hands to exploring the flesh there. If Seonghwa was anything like any other man you’ve ever been near in such a context, he wouldn’t stop with the ass groping until you made him.

But it seems like he’s not. His hands continue steadily upwards, though at a nearly agonizing pace. Once his hands are on your waist, he freezes. He turns to look up at you once more, an unrecognizable look in his eyes. Seonghwa holds your gaze as he pinches the fabric of your shirt at either of your sides, slowly pulling it upward until the edges are coming untucked.

You would follow his memo and pull the rest out yourself. But this is Seonghwa. So you make him do it all himself, much to his clear dismay. He bites his lip as he pulls out the front bit, his eyes dragging over the new expanse of skin as he holds the ends up. For a brief second, it looks like he’s going to kiss you, but he snaps himself out of it quick enough to stop.

“Sit down.” He says, not looking up at you.

“Wher—”

You can’t even finish the question before he’s pulling you downward via your belt loops. “Where else, princess?”

You get the memo. You do have to grab onto his shoulders to stop yourself from completely toppling over him, this time, though. “A little eager, Seonghwa?” You tease, though you’re straddling his lap with quite the speed of your own.

He finishes untucking your shirt as you settle onto him. “Very eager, even?” He grunts as you roll your hips against him. “Didn’t you once tell me that you found me sexually repulsive? Is that true?”

“Shut up.” His hands move up your shirt, thumbs brushing over the delicate skin of your torso. You shudder despite yourself, his fingers nearly tickling you as they trail upward.

Sense be absolutely damned.

You take your hands from Seonghwa’s shoulders, moving to start undoing the buttons at the top of your shirt.

Seonghwa’s hands move quicker than yours, apparently. He snatches both of your wrists before you can undo a single button, freezing you in place. “What?” You breath, genuinely asking.

He looks straight into your eyes, quickly glancing between the two of them as he wets his lips. “You shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

He clenches his jaw. “I won’t be able to resist myself.” His hands squeeze your wrists tighter together in an effort to keep you from continuing.

“So?” You whisper, not having to fight hard to get Seonghwa to drop your wrists. You move your hands away from your shirt to rest on his cheeks. You take the moment to admire his features, something that you would, of course, never ordinarily do. But it doesn’t count this time. Seonghwa is beautiful.

“Hongjoong would be-” You shift, grinding into him. “Furious… if I had you.” Seonghwa bites his lip as he looks down to where you sit on his lap. He rests his hands on your hips, gripping you strongly. “Furious.” He whispers mainly to himself, rocking your hips forward with his hands.

You whine, dropping your hands from his face to his chest. “But how would he know?”

Seonghwa produces a smile that’s almost a grimace. “He just would, princess.”

“So this,” you lean into his motions, easing them along, “isn’t going to happen?”

Seonghwa shakes his head, though makes no effort to stop. “Not without permission.”

You do freeze, then, flexing to stop him from being able to move you further. “Fine.” Recalling some of your own head, you add, “but good luck getting me this close again.”

“You would be so lucky,” Seonghwa moves one of his hands off of your hip to rest at the back of your neck. He eases your face closer to his own, stopping you millimeters away. “Princess.” He speaks the word against your lips before connecting them with his.

The kiss is short, but not sweet.

“I know what it is.” He whispers against you. “Do you?”

You pull away from him, your hands still planted on his chest. “What what is?”

He raises his eyebrows. “What you have that I don’t.”

You shrug, unsure of what he means. In truth, there are so many differences between the two of you that picking just one would be much too difficult.

“I’m not going to tell you.” He smiles. “Not right now, at least.”

“Asshole.” You whisper, and for more reasons than one.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

Lunch is served shortly after your… indiscretion.

The cafeteria is as lively as ever, the excitement of the trip to town keeping the group quite invigorated. Though Seonghwa doesn’t leave your side, not much passes between the two of you while eating. Rather, an extremely, painfully awkward silence weighs on the both of you.

You ask if you can visit Wooyoung, but he quickly shuts the idea down by insisting that you finish your lunch instead of ‘daydreaming.’ Whatever he means by that. You know that you certainly aren’t daydreaming about anyone.

As you finish eating, you look around for Mingi. As has become the norm these days, you’re not able to spot him at any of the tables. You sincerely hope that he’s still eating as much as normal, and not skipping meals for the sake of ignoring you. Not that you think he is, but, with Yunho in town… who's feeding him if not himself?

Seonghwa snaps his fingers in front of your face. “Hello? Come on, we’re leaving.”

You glare up at him as he stands, gesturing impatiently for you to follow his movements. He gathers both of your trays, disposing of the plates and the garbage as he leads you out of the cafeteria and back up to his apartment.

Seonghwa slams the door behind you, leaving you wondering what on earth you’d managed to do in the complete silence of lunch that pissed him off again. Certainly nothing. That’s just how Seonghwa… is.

You return to your place on the couch, not surprised when Seonghwa also returns to the chair he had sat in before. The silence carries on between you two, dragging the time along.

Staring at your nails, you pick at your cuticles. You vaguely wonder if anyone on the farm is any good at nail care. Had you ever seen someone with painted nai—

“I’m going to give you more relationship advice.” Seonghwa says, leaning onto the arm of his chair and facing you fully.

You frown at him. Frankly, you had had enough of Seonghwa’s voice for one day. And enough of his ‘advice’ and his attitude and his face. “I’d rather you didn’t.”

Seonghwa sighs, rolling his eyes again. “Weird, I don’t remember asking.” He shrugs his shoulders, feigning confusion before catching you off guard with his first sentence. “San is falling for you, and, if I were you, that would scare me. Not just because San is one of the weirdest people I know, but because this is all happening down to the minute detail that Hongjoong planned. He wants San to fall for you, because he wants to get rid of him. Simple as that, blood on your hands.”

You decorate your face with the blankest stare you can muster. “If you’re jealous, Seonghwa, you can just say so.” The joke comes out to hide the way that your stomach flips with his statement. You cannot hear this type of bullshit again. There’s only so many people that you can feel responsible for.

“I would never be jealous of another man’s relationship with you, princess.” He smiles tightly. “Hongjoong has a mind unlike anyone I’ve ever met; he’ll go to great lengths to get what he wants.” Seonghwa’s voice is tinged with admiration as he says this. “I know you haven’t read ahead in The Answer yet.”

You shake your head, not offering any other response.

“I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but he’s going to kill you. One day. He’ll give it a fancy name and a pretty ceremony, but it’s killing you all the same. Maybe by then you’ll believe him, though, and you won’t be scared.” Seonghwa sneers, continuing. “Until then, he has plenty of uses for you, though. Don’t get excited thinking that you’ll be free of this anytime soon.”

You want to protest what he’s saying, but you’re sure that its true. Why else would Hongjoong have such a vested interest in you? Wouldn’t you be dead right now if not for the fact that Hongjoong saw something special in you? That night that you had run, what had stopped Hongjoong from having Seonghwa kill you? You find the only silver lining in what Seonghwa just told you, grasping onto it.

“Maybe by then I’ll believe him? And I won’t be scared?” You whisper, trying your hardest to goad Seonghwa into what you want him to admit.

Seonghwa nods, “You wouldn’t think you’re being killed, but rather serving some sort of higher purpose.”

You look down at your lap, trying to keep yourself from smiling. Does Seonghwa even realize what he just told you? You look up at him through your lashes, attempting some semblance of innocence. “But… you think I would just be dying? Not… serving the purpose Hongjoong says?”

Seonghwa’s smile falls dramatically, his expression completely hardening. “That’s not what I meant.”

A small smile graces your face. “Oh, but its what you said.”

“I know you wouldn’t dare imply that I don’t believe in The Answer.” Seonghwa’s voice has taken on a new edge, one that actually does worry you.

You shrug. “It’s just that… that’s what it sounded like you were insinuating, that’s all.”

Seonghwa clenches his jaw hard enough for you to hear it. “You’re going to drop this topic and never bring it up again, princess.”

“I don’t see why you’re so defensive if you really d—”

Seonghwa is standing in front of you before you can even comprehend that he’s moved, his hands gripping your shoulders with so much force that it’s hard to believe he had been so gentle with you earlier. “I’d kill anyone else that insinuated the things that you’re saying, princess.” His expression is so angry that he looks nearly crazed, and you don’t doubt him for a second. “You’ll shut up, if you know what’s good for you.”

You nod your head quickly, emphasizing your agreement. “I’ll never bring it up again.” You blink up at Seonghwa, but his grip on your shoulders only gets tighter. “I promise.”

He scoffs, releasing you but not without a final shove. It doesn’t do much, as you’re already sitting with your back against the couch, but you feel the intent behind it.

You decide that it’s best to not provoke him anymore. At least, not today.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

The party returns in the early evening.

San and Hongjoong arrive at Seonghwa’s door together, Hongjoong not bothering to knock before letting himself into the apartment.

You jump as the door flies open, the sudden intrusion scaring the shit out of you. Somehow, you completely missed the sound of the cars pulling up, and the welcoming cheers of the common people as the adventurers returned.

Hongjoong says his greetings to the both of you, but you hardly hear him as your eyes lock with San’s. You feel… so many things. Mainly sick. Is it really your responsibility to push him away? Is Seonghwa telling you the truth? Would you take the chance?

You swallow hard as his face lights up, excited to see you. He beckons for you to come over to where he remains in Seonghwa’s doorway. You hazard a glance at Hongjoong, but he doesn’t seem to notice. San reaches for your hand once you’re close enough, lacing your fingers together as he calls over your shoulder that you’re leaving. Neither Hongjoong nor Seonghwa respond, and you allow San to drag you across the hall to your shared apartment.

San lets go of you once you’re in the apartment, shutting the door gently behind himself after ushering you inside. “Sit, sit, please.”

You sit on your own couch in the same exact spot you had been sitting on Seonghwa’s all day.

“I was able to fulfill your request,” he starts, unzipping a backpack that he must have brought upstairs before he collected you. “I’m not sure if you’ve read this one, and I’m sorry if you have, but there really weren’t that many options in town. If you had asked for, like, windshield wiper fluid, sure, but books…” He inhales sharply as he finds what he’s looking for, pulling the book out of the backpack and placing it in your hands.

You smile once you read the title. Misery. Isn’t that comedic? You actually do laugh, giggling into your hand as tears prick in your eyes. The irony is almost painful. A book about a man being held captive by an insane, book-obsessed serial killer for months on end… haha. Ha.

“Have you read it?” San asks, sitting next to you.

You clutch the book in your hands, smiling at the cover in an attempt to get yourself together. “I’ve seen the movie.”

San reaches for the book, and you hand it over easily enough. “Me too.” He looks at you, an unrecognizable expression on his face. He raises a hand, wiping away a tear that manages to escape your eye. “Did I do something wrong?”

You shake your head, mustering a smile for him. “It’s just quite the selection, is all.”

“It was between that and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, so, like, yeah.”

That makes you laugh. “You made the right choice, then. Thank you, San.” He nods his head as he hands the book back to you, smiling now that you’re laughing.

“You’re welcome. I was stressed trying to find any books in town so, again, sorry if its not something that you would’ve picked for yourself.”

You assure him that its okay once again, hugging the novel to your chest. Definitely not something you would’ve picked, given the circumstances, but it still shows you that San cares…

Which is an entirely different thing. Maybe Seonghwa was at least right about San… having feelings for you. But, honestly, you’re human beings. You can only be with someone for every waking second for so long before developing feelings for them. San really can’t be blamed and… neither can…

Nope. You’re not going to think it. If you had feelings for San, would you really have allowed Seonghwa to grope you? Huh? Yeah, think about that for a second.

Wait, no, don’t think about that. That whole situation needs to be put as far out of your mind as physically possible. It would be best for you to simply forget that this entire day even happened. Like, clearly, you had some massive lapse of judgment. And you’re only human. So you can’t blame yourself for having human urges. But, like, what the fuck? Seonghwa? Seonghwa? You let Seonghwa have his way with you when you literally share a bed with San? A man that has never threatened your life or hurt you by any emotional or physical means?

… Anyways, ignoring any such emotions… which you don’t have, of course… San’s potential feelings for you are an entirely separate thing. Also, what did Seonghwa mean when he said that San is ‘one of the weirdest people he knows?’ Should that be a good sign to you, considering Seonghwa is quite the freak show himself? Or is that really bad, because for one freak to think another person is a freak they must really be a freak? You’ve never once gotten the sense that San could be… weird (well, beyond weirder than any other cult member)... but maybe he’s a good actor…

No. That all seems too unrealistic. Whatever Seonghwa meant, he probably was just trying to freak you out. Clearly he’s trying to goad you out of whatever blooming relationship might be happening, and for God knows whatever reason. That’s Seonghwa’s business. When have you ever cared what he thinks about you?

You put the thought out of your mind. It’s not something that you’re going to dwell on. You could assume the worst from everyone that you meet, but that would quickly lead to quite the dreary life. You’re obviously stuck here for some time, it’s probably better to not question those that seem to have good intentions… but for the sake of survival… you actually probably should.

Fuck this. It’s all too complicated for your tired mind after the day that you’ve had. You can debate with yourself the morals of your actions and the motivations of others’ another day.

“How was the trip?” You ask, sliding the book out of your lap and onto the coffee table in front of you. “Did you find everything okay?”

San frowns. “We didn’t, actually. Hongjoong got all weird toward the end so we left before finding a few things…” He trails off, seemingly thinking about what it was that they missed.

“Oh? What happened?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t even know. He was fine and then Yunho said something to a store clerk and Hongjoong flipped. I think he’s just getting jumpy because the harvest is coming up, but it was…” San swallows. “Strange. Anyways, we missed a few things. I don’t think it’ll be a big deal, though.”

You consider this for a second. San is right, that does sound strange. What could Yunho have said? … Another thing to think about later. “Did you get Yeosang his hair dye?” You smile, calling back the absolutely monstrous list of requests he had compiled.

“Thankfully,” San chuckles, “Or I’d be in trouble.”

The conversation lulls into silence, a comfortable one. You sit next to each other, simply… being.

San breaks the silence after what feels like a while. “Is it weird if I say that I missed you?”

Your stomach flips. You turn to look at him, allowing yourself a small smile. “I don’t think so.” You’re not about to own up to it too, but… Not that you had really been thinking about San until Seonghwa brought him up, but you would’ve much rather spent the day at his side than Seonghwa’s. After spending so much time with San, it did feel a bit… weird to be apart from him for so long.

“Okay, then; I missed you, today.” He smiles and your stomach does another twirl. Uh oh.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

The rest of the evening passes without fanfare. You get dinner with San, ignoring Seonghwa as hard as humanly possible. You look around for Mingi but, once again, are unsuccessful in finding him.

You pass the time by talking with San about town. Apparently, it had been just as dead as he remembered it being. Not much had happened, beyond whatever made Hongjoong upset, but he didn’t even know what that had been. Thankfully, they had gotten their hands on all of the essentials before they had to leave. And, according to San, your car still runs like a beauty. Ouch.

You now lie awake in bed, wondering if you’re going to regret every decision that you’ve made today. There have been some dicey ones, you must admit. You certainly hope that this new one isn’t dicey, too.

“San?” You whisper in the dark, rolling over on your side so that you face him. He’s already faced toward you, though you can’t make out his expression in the dark. “Are you still awake?”

If this is gonna happen, it might as well happen now.

“Yeah.” San murmurs the reply, and you make your move before you can question yourself.

You need a distraction. And you like San.

You scootch yourself closer to him, crossing the invisible border that the two of you had established. Your hand reaches into the dark, finding the side of his face to use as a guide. When you’re certain of your target, you close the gap between your faces, pressing a kiss to his lips.

You pull away quickly, leaving the kiss as chaste as you had meant it to be. You don’t go far, however, opting to stare at San in the dark as he processes. His eyes are wide, that much you can tell, but it’s far too dark to make out much beyond that.

Forget Mingi. Forget Seonghwa. Forget Hongjoong. Forget everything they’ve said and everything they’ve tried to keep from you.

“Did you mean to do that?” San whispers, his own hand coming to rest at the base of your throat.

You hum an affirmation, not trusting your words.

His thumb strokes along your neck, sending goosebumps down your body. “Are you sure?”

“I am.”

San closes the gap once more, kissing you just barely. His lips are as pillowy soft as you had imagined, his hesitance making the kiss all the more gentle.

You expect to feel guilty. But it doesn’t come.

San does. He pulls his face from yours, though just barely. “We really,” his breath warms your face as he pauses mid-sentence. “We shouldn’t, (Y/n).” Despite his words, he makes no more of an attempt to put more distance between yourselves.

He continues rubbing your neck with his thumb, the touch so light that its nearly ticklish. “Goodnight, (Y/n).” San rolls over, allowing no time for you to reflect on his words. The warmth of his body is immediately missed, your side of the bed suddenly feeling much too chilly.

Another dicey decision, apparently.

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a/n: [spongebob voice] this is humiliating ... BE NICE TO ME OKAY i tried :LKKJFDLKSJFLKJSDF