#nothing bad has happened i’m just a generally anxious person

[atwhughesversion]

me for 3 days straight: i’m falling into the pits of despair without canucks hockey

me now that a canucks game has just begun: i’m gonna be sick i can’t do this

[stardew-shitposterino]

The Bachelors and how they’d react if you asked them to start a family

Same old same old. This post is inspired by @babiebom 's post about the bachelor/ettes and how many kids they’d have :3 I’m not really a person who is too keen on children and being a housewife, but I can’t deny that the thought of a picture perfect family does warm my heart, girlies. Enjoy 💅🏻🍼

Some answers are gender specific. I hope to anyone playing the game as a same sex couple that you can look past that 🙏🏻

Sam:

-he’d be boots the house down in total shock

-don’t get it twisted, he is ecstatic, but damn he didn’t expect it to be this soon

-of course he is excited about every life stage of his potential little ones, but he can’t wait to have someone he can teach how to skate

-„really? A-and you’re not joking or anything? RAD!“

-maybe he is a bit too excited as he‘s definitely ripping his pants off his body as soon as the message sunk in

-„Oh you didn’t mean we should start it right now? Sorry my bad 😅“

Sebastian:

-he is happy but can’t really show it

-anxiety is kicking hard rn

-it’s not that he doesn’t want this, but he has so many worries, after all he had lived through himself

-he definitely needs some time to think about this

-„Y/N, I’d really love to have this with you one day, but please give me time to adjust to this. It’s a lot for me to process.“

-he will eventually open up about it and you agree on not rushing things. If you’re an opposite sex couple, you agree on starting a family once you’re pregnant. No planning, just living and if it happens, it happens (it probably happened after like 2 months after you had the talk lol)

Elliott:

-„Heavens, Love! What wonderful news. I’ve been waiting for this moment. This will be the start of our legacy!“ (excuse me bruuuhh this is how I imagine him talk lol)

-he had heart-shaped eyes if you haven’t noticed

-as much as he loves the romance and allure of being a childless couple with a world to their feet, he can’t kick the idea of being a wholesome dad raising a curious child with his wonderful partner

-he emphasises on not rushing things as he doesn’t want you to feel pressure. He knows how stressful your job is so he doesn’t want you to feel overwhelmed though you proposed that idea first

-you can bet your ass you went to bed after that talk 👀 WHO SAID THAT 🤨

Harvey:

-he is a blushy mess thank you and amen

-he‘s so anxious but also so excited

-no way you actually proposed this to him. He actually accepted his fate as a childless bachelor

-but here he is, finally getting the happy little family he always wanted

-but it isn’t smooth sailing with him, oh no. You can bet your ass he has to calculate everything through before he feels comfortable enough starting to bring this wish to reality

-you know, you earn a shit ton of money but he is anxious ok. He needs to KNOW the child won’t end up homeless with nothing to wear once it’s here

-“Oh this is all so new and, I-I don’t even know how to say it without it sounding wrong. I just can’t grasp that this is happening. Pinch me so I know I’m not dreaming”

-you didn’t sleep with each other that day but a make-out sess was in it. A wholesome one to say the least. This man is wholesome in my books 📕

Shane:

-the only thing missing here is that he fainted and fell to the floor after you popped the question

-say WHAT NOW?!

-no way. He probably heard it wrong. You didn’t just ask HIM to have YOUR children… no wait the other way around. This is what that question did to his brain lol

-or generally having kids together. He isn’t opposed to adopting because he fears the kids will inherit his messed up brain so taking in kids that are in need of a nice, welcoming home doesn’t sound bad either

-but no wait wait back to the topic; he’s a MESS

-he always wanted children and a family in general, the very boring ass white picket fence fantasy is what he longed for but kind of accepted that it’s something he cannot have. Well guess what…HE CAN

-“wait…did you- and you mean with me? Or is there someone else I should know about? Ok sorry bad joke. But you mean it?! Really? A little sibling for Jas🥹”

-just know this burly man started crying a river of joy tears. But once the tears dried and it kicked in 👀

-“ok if we want this to work out we gotta get to business 😎”

Alex:

-like Shane, he waited for this moment

-just he isn’t anxious like some of the others, he straight up jumps for joy lol

-“BABE NO WAY! I’ve been waiting for this!”

-he is a happy crier tho. Expect him to cry a little but in a good way

-but also expect him to propose the question of having a lot more kids in the future. He wants a football team of kids. But the amount is still negotiable of course (you gave him the “spouse stare” which made him go down a notch lol)

- he will babble about what gender the first kid might be, what he’d do with them depending on it and how he’d get them the smallest grid ball jerseys you’ll ever see because “LOOK THEY ARE SO TINY”

-like some of the others, he might be a bit too eager to start the baby project. Even if you can’t conceive yourself, he will live out that fantasy. You prepared yourself for this because it was very much predictable lol

[anonzentimes]

zen am i just projecting or am i cooking when i say komahina are both soooo incredibly anxiety disorder coded

like i’ll start with nagito bc to me that one’s more obvious. this guy has ocd. holy SHIT nagito has ocd. and it’s completely reasonable for him to have developed it! his luck means that things go wrong for very little reason all the time, he knows the luck has Rules to it, of course he’d develop little “rituals” (read: compulsions) to try to minimize bad luck. plus, frontotemporal dementia often causes symptoms of ocd as well (though i’d argue he very well could have developed the disorder before his diagnosis). nagito is always so convinced that Something Bad is going to happen Because Of Him even if he has nothing to do with the situation. “xyz thing happened earlier so something awful will happen now” that is obsessive-compulsive thinking!!! i just know he counts every step and Has to close doors 8 Times “just in case.” he probably has some form of moral ocd as well considering how convinced he is that he’s a terrible person who isn’t worth anything. oh and of course he doomspirals like no fucking other

as for hajime. i might really be projecting with this one but also i’m Right. generalized anxiety disorder. his primary fear response is fight. hajime is so stressed out about everything all the time and this is why he’s kind of bitchy. he’s Anxious. you see this a lot in the prologue where even before monokuma shows up hajime Is Not Trusting Of This Situation bc what the fuck!!! where is he!! what do you MEAN just enjoy it how did he get here!!! he’s surrounded by strange people on a strange island with a fucking stuffed rabbit and you expect him to NOT freak out??? hello??? he passed out for sure bc his adrenaline response got so intense that his blood pressure got weird and oh down he goes. but it also shows in subtler ways. his thought patterns and constant questioning of things— he overthinks a LOT, from monokuma’s plans to why his classmates are Like That to I Must Be So Normal to his mystery talent to What Is Nagito’s Deal Actually. in the prologue and chapter one, nagito gets hajime to calm down by distracting him— specifically, he teases hajime and riles him up. this gives him a healthy outlet to put that fight response energy into, and thus the anxiety recedes. hajime calls himself a “coward” in nagito’s 5th (? maybe 4th) fte— before i got my gad diagnosis, i thought of myself as being overly sensitive and nervous— hajime, who isn’t very good at deciphering emotions in general (likely due to not being able to talk about them at home but that’s a different story), would probably see his anxiety and identify it as cowardice. he also just… worries. constantly. about everything. whenever a classmate goes missing, whenever nagito goes missing (he proceeds to question WHY he’s worrying with nagito a lot which ties back to the overthinking), whenever anything new happens on the island, etc. mainly though i think hajime’s gad shows in his insecurities. he is deeply afraid of mediocrity, of his best not being enough. i think a lot of his fears stem from the idea of being forgettable or unremarkable— he wants to make an impact on the world, and the thought of dying before he can, whether it be in the killing game or just the rat race of life, horrifies him. but he doesn’t know who he is, he doesn’t know how to make that impact. he’s terrified that he, hajime hinata, is not enough. that he’s boring, unremarkable, destined to be just another salaryman, part of the mob. that’s why he worries about his talent so much, that’s why it hurts so much when nagito starts treating him worse in chapter 4 (someone who was once his biggest source of comfort is now affirming his worst fears), and that’s why he was such a good target for the kamukura project. hpa saw his insecurity and fear and preyed on it. most people wouldn’t sacrifice themselves for some experimental project. but when you’ve fought to get to a place that you pray will be able to make you special, and they tell you “we can make you special, but it will change who you are,” and you Don’t Like who you are because you feel deep down that who you are will never be enough, well. why wouldn’t you take the offer? you get to Be Something. you get to make an impact. who cares if you lose yourself? that guy was boring.

ANYWAYS that got away from me a little bit. i could keep going (like abt hajime’s fight response and nagito’s fawn response) but this ask is long enough lmao. point it they both have undiagnosed anxiety disorders i know it i Know It please tell me you see what i see

Hii!!! Sorry it’s taken me so long to get around to answering this! I was waiting for a good moment to type up a response since I think such a long ask, especially from an oomf, deserves a thought out reply. To be straightforward and simple: yes, absolutely yes! I think the interpretations that Hajime has anxiety disorder and Nagito has ocd is very fitting. I don’t know as much about ocd as I do about anxiety, so I don’t really talk about it in fear that I may be rude or inaccurate, but I definitely so heavily agree every time I see it. As for the anxiety disorder I’m not sure if I really have it but my anxiety is a pain and I am taking supplements and have started taking meds for it recently (fingers crossed those actually do anything helpful), but this is to say that I relate to Hajime a lot in those sort of moments and when you phrase it like that I realize it is probably because of the anxiety he experiences alongside his character beats. For Nagito I can say, “Yeah! Everybody makes such great points about him having Ocd! I really like that interpretation even if I don’t know about it as much,” and then with Hajime it’s like “Yes! This is canon to me I know about this and I say so and relate to him and it fits incredibly well!” :D

also lowkey I’ve been having that weird feeling where I miss them,,, and reading this has made me miss them less so thank you very much hehe I love Hajime and Nagito very much and agree with your points heavily, appreciate you sending this!

[jimothy-hopkins]

So when I said o was taking a break from doing ref sheets I lied yall sorry. Have my new favorite OC I made less than a day ago!

Info about Abigail!

General Description:

Abigail stands at 5’0 with a thin build. She has a strong jawline and cheekbones. Her eyes are a vibrant shade of blue, that some find scary to look at. Abigail has wavy dark blonde hair with highlights bleached into it. Abigail wears layered clothing and tennis shoes, enjoying a simple style that she feels comfortable in.

Abigail exhibits a lot of social anxiety due to her autism. She has only recently gotten her diagnosis, and doesn’t know how to mask or properly regulate her emotions. This is one of the reasons she likes to keep to herself. There’s no pressure to socialize. Abigail would love to make friends, but has been discouraged to do that thanks to bullying in her younger years and how other students treat her at Bullworth. She is anxious when speaking, and fidgets as a way to soothe herself. In situations where Abigail feels threatened, she is likely to shut down. Behind her awkward surface, Abigail is an incredibly empathetic person, and wants to see the best in people. She is a loyal friend and a loving person.

Interests and whatnot:

Abigail loves to draw and make art. After school she will spend hours in the art studio with Ms. Philips working on pieces and projects she’s made. Art is one of the few ways Abigail has learned to cope with extreme emotions. She enjoys pairing colors and expanding on her ideas visually.

Abigail loves animals, mostly cats. Abigail has a few cats of her own, and frequently helps out the feral and stray populations in Bullworth. She has two cats of her own. They are two orange tabbies named Beaker and Gouda.

Collecting LPS is one of Abigail’s hobbies. She enjoys having them because they remind her of being a kid. She never remembered much of her childhood due to how chaotic her home life was at that time. LPS comfort her in a way and bring her happiness.

Abigail also enjoys watching movies, especially comedies. Her favorite movies are White Chicks, Heathers, and All Dogs Go To Heaven. Abigail likes animated movies as well, since she’d replay some VCR tapes so much that they’d burn out.

Reputation:

Abigail is afraid of the jocks. She knows they hardly get a consequence because of their hold on the school hierarchy. She does her best to stay away from them, but is frequently teased for being awkward and quiet.

The greasers don’t tend to bother Abigail. She is friends with Kate Valenti since they share some of the same interests. Abigail doesn’t hang out with the clique though, Johnny and the others intimidate her.

The preps don’t really care for Abigail. They thinks she’s weird and want nothing to do with her. Although, some members are a bit more empathetic towards her.

Abigail is relentlessly targeted by the bullies. This is why she is prone to shutting down. Everything she does in front of them is mocked. They have made her self esteem crumble, and she’s even embarrassed to talk about any of her interests because of them.

The nerds don’t really cause a problem with Abigail. They usually don’t interact outside of class. Sometimes she’s forced to listen to them rant about GnG.

BONUS: Abigail is favored by the prefects. She will run errands for them and tattle when she sees something bad happening. She stays close to the prefects on their patrols because she knows students won’t bother her when she’s near them. In a way, she’s friends with them.

Quotes:

“Give that back!”

“What is your problem?! Get away from me!”

“My life is like a Picasso. I don’t know what the fuck I’m looking for.”

“I’m not weird, maybe I just don’t wanna be friends with you cause you’re a jerk.”

“I feel like sometimes I’m the only normal person here.”

“All jocks do is play with balls I don’t understand the hype.”

“I’m gonna go see a movie with Kate. I’ll talk to you later.”

“We’re having an art show this week, if you wanna come and vote for my pieces. They’re not much- but y’know I’d really appreciate it if you did that.”

“Justin looks like Shrek in a derogatory way.”

“Those townies look like victims of DoodleBob.”

“I’m nervous.”

“I just wanna graduate dude please leave me alone before I tell a prefect!”

“Just leave me alone- I don’t want anything to do with anybody right now!”

“I could go for some dump cake right now. Damn.”

“One time Casey Harris shoved me in a locker so I put mustard in his cleats before a game.”

“Here, I painted a portrait of you. Thanks for being nice to me.”

[crazylittlejester]

What's Twilight's take on Warriors and Warriors' and Time's relationship in your series. I'm curious how he and the others fit in and view the pair in your take on things.

Anon I am SO glad you asked because I was thinking about writing a fic about this about like, an hour ago (i’m gonna apologize for weird spelling errors or oddly autocorrected words because i typed all this out on my phone and i’m dyslexic)

So with how I write and interpret them, Warriors and Time recognized each other immediately, but didn’t like, talk about it. They’re bad at emotions (and a bit dumb, both of em), so they just “got to know each other” as two new people for a while. Eventually those two got over each other and got a lot closer

Twilight and Time are very interesting because for me, Time didn’t recognize Twilight as his descendant, Time has never met Twilight before, but Twilight recognized him immediately as the hero’s shade and got spooked. He knows what happens to this man, he’s seen him dead essentially, and now here he is alive and Twilight can recognize parts of his own face in Time’s which definitely freaked him out a bit at first

With how I write them, Twilight looks up to Time as a mentor and father figure, and one of his biggest worries is disappointing him. He wants Time to think he’s capable (Time does), and he’ll stop at nothing to prove it. Twilight to me deals with a lot of anxiety and a fear of abandonment, and in some way, he’s a little afraid of Time. Time seems almost like an untouchable figure to him at first and he didn’t think he could ever form a relationship with him the way Warriors did because Time is a bit quiet and withdrawn in general, and Twilight just didn’t know how to get close to him

Warriors was the bridge to that gap. Warriors and Twilight have a lot of similarities to me, and they make a great duo. They’re close in age (with my headcanon being that Wars is 27 and Twilight is 22-23), and they definitely have a brotherly relationship that’s formed right off the bat. They tease each other and poke fun of each other, and Warriors’s laid back nature and dramatics help Twilight relax and not be so anxious. Similarly Twilight helps Warriors calm his own anxiety because both of them are the kind of person who are soothed by taking care of someone else, and Warriors likes being able to comfortably fit in a big brother role. It makes him feel needed.

As for how they feel about each other’s relationship with Time, they’re very different. Warriors will never really look up to Time the way any of the others do because that’s his little brother. In a way, Warriors views himself as the ‘oldest’ because his brain still refuses to fully comprehend that Time is now much older than he is. Twilight views Warriors as the one person he can talk freely to because he isn’t intimidating like Time is, and he’s not younger than Twilight either. Twilight feels a bit bad in the beginning about breaking down in front of the captain and letting him see how worried he really gets, but Warriors is always there for him when he needs it. Later when Twilight realizes Time is literally Just A Guy and stops idolizing him as much, those two get much closer, and he feels like he can talk to Time just as much as Warriors

You might’ve been expecting me to say something about Wars and Twilight being jealous of each other, but for how I write them its actually Time who sometimes feels a little jealous that Warriors can talk to Twilight so easily in the beginning. He doesn’t understand why Twilight can be so relaxed around the captain but so tense and nervous around him. Time sees a much different side of Twilight than everyone else does because in the beginning, the rancher is much more closed off from him than he is with literally any of the others. Eventually when Twilight starts relaxing around Time, they really develop a Father Son relationship that just makes Warriors happy to see

(Time of course teases him that if Warriors is going to call Twilight Time’s son, that would make Warriors his uncle)

Thank you for the ask!! I love any excuse to talk about how I characterize the blorbos :)

[asher-agere]

I have another request… no extra text before it because I feel very bad right now.

So uhm. Can you share your thoughts on Caregiver Fyodor with a little who is very over apologetic and perpetually anxious. Like especially about anything to do with being little you know… just like general thoughts no specific character for the little in mind.

- Fyodor Enjoyer

Hello! I’m very sorry you’re not doing well (｡•́︿•̀｡) I can absolutely write those for you though! I wanna do everything in my power to help you feel better! After all every single one of your requests makes me so very happy

Caregiver Fyodor + Anxious Little

⋆♱✮♱⋆

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor would hate to see his little one being all anxious! He wants them to be completely at ease around him, and he’ll do everything in his power to keep them comfortable no matter the cost. Fyodor is a very self centered person yes, he always thinks of himself first. But that means he puts his goals first, and if his goal is to cheer up his little one then that’s exactly what he’s going to do!

ִֶָ࣪☾. Anytime his little one apologizes he’ll dismiss it. Immediately. In his eyes they can do no wrong, and he’ll explain exactly that to them! If they do something seriously wrong then he’d gently explain what they can do in the future. It doesn’t matter what it is they’ve done, he’ll always forgive them, he’ll never be mad at them

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor is a master schemer. He’s very familiar with thinking about every possible outcome of a situation, similar to what someone with anxiety would do. If he notices his little one seeming anxious he’ll ask them to explain why they’re anxious, then he’ll explain how all the scary possibilities aren’t guaranteed! If they’re feeling too small to explain then he’ll simply tell his baby how no matter what happens he’ll be there to keep them safe

ִֶָ࣪☾. If his little one is anxious about their regression specifically then he’ll simply make it an every day thing. He’ll keep stuffed animals on the bed, offer them a sippy cup and kids played for meals and snacks. Even if he knows they’re not regressed. Sometimes he’ll even use the kids dishes! He wants to prove that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has their own normal, if regressing is normal for the two of them then there’s nothing wrong with that

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor will buy his baby everything ever, he wants to make sure they’re happy! But the things he buys will be very specific and personalized. He’ll buy weighted stuffed animals and blankets to help with anxiety, stress toys. Or simply things that are specific to their relationship! He buys decorated pacifiers of course, and he’ll only buy ones that say pet names he actually uses. If not then it’s not a perfect fit! Everything must be perfect

ִֶָ࣪☾. Accents are so so easy to get attached to, I will say this endlessly for characters with a unique voice. When you get attached to someone’s voice just hearing it can be incredibly comforting, and talking in your native language can make the accent even more pronounced! So I like the idea that Fyodor would say pet names in Russian. He’ll softly translate what he’s saying and whisper the gentle names into their ears. He’d also sing lullabies in Russian! The words aren’t important. Just listening to the cello and his pronounced accent… Such a comforting sound

ִֶָ࣪☾. Fyodor is so not strong enough to carry around a baby, that’s why he likes to be sitting down! He’ll always wrap an arm around them, play with their hair, gently massage their knuckles, anything he can think of to comfort them! The contact is oh so important. It also lets him keep an eye on their heart rate to make sure they’re staying calm! He helps in all the subtle little ways

ִֶָ࣪☾. He will cancel any and all plans for his little one. Plans aren’t nearly as important as his baby is. If they get anxious about him canceling things just for them he’ll easily lie saying someone for the meeting had something else to take care of. Not necessarily a lie because he’ll give them more things to do

⋆♱✮♱⋆

I hope you enjoyed! Remember you are so so amazing and loved! Specifically for Fyodor Enjoyer: Since you’re a PJSK fan anytime you’re sad I recommend listening to Positive Dance Time! Like. On loop- It’s like impossible to cry to that trust me. Also I had so much fun doing shows with you!! Your Haruka card collection is so impressive ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

So after the final round of chemo before a month-long break, I have some…thoughts.

Definitely don’t feel like you have to read below the cut!

I can hardly believe how quickly time has flown! It’s already been a little over six months since my diagnosis, but there was another half of a year prior to that of symptoms.  It’s been like a night and day difference in so many more ways than just physical, though, and I really think I can use this as a sort of divider for my life, as cliche as that may sound.  The 'then', and the 'now'.

Then, not only was I dealing with chronic cough, insane levels of fatigue, progressively worsening shortness of breath, and a general lack of motivation to do anything, fun, or otherwise, but I was also fighting a pretty significant battle against my own mind.  Some of my mutuals may already be aware of just how far into the “pits” I’d traveled, but it was like I couldn’t get anything right.  My viewpoint was that, generally speaking, anything and everything bad that happened to me, I somehow deserved.  I was nothing but a giant burden on everyone I’d ever met, and anyone with two brain cells to their name would wise up, eventually, realize that, and leave.  It was a mindset that got in the way of many friendships and familial relationships, and I was pushing people away left and right.

If you are one of those people, and you are reading this now?  I am nothing if not sincerely sorry for putting you through that.  But I hope that, if you’re still around, you can see how honestly I am trying to change.

(We’ve come to the ‘now’ stage, by the way.  Just in case you were curious.😉)

Now, it’s like I’ve received a well-deserved (and much-needed) slap in the face.

January 18th, aka diagnosis day, came and went, and rather than see this as yet another thing that I “deserved” for being such an inferior and unworthy person, it’s like everything started to shift.  I hadn’t made any conscious effort on my part (that I was aware of, anyway).  It just sort of…happened.  Anxiety wasn’t even a thing.  I met with my doctors and the rest of my care team in the hospital, we put together a care-plan, and that was that.  I was moving forward, ready to fight, and yes, I was reeling (still am, occasionally), but it was like I was finally able to put every last ounce of that worry on something else.  Or rather, someone.

God.

Prior to all of this, I’d always kind of scoffed at the sentiment of “If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.”  My negative vibes just couldn’t grasp it, or at least they couldn’t, as far as it might ever pertain to me personally.  For years (read:  35 of them!) I hadn’t been ready to give up the rigid level of control I tried (and failed) to exert over every possible aspect of my life.  And I think this was finally the one thing that I realized wouldn’t work with that frame of logic.  It just…couldn’t.

Hearing from my primary care physician, who is the one who sent me to the ER to kick-start the diagnostic process in the first place that if I’d waited any longer, I likely wouldn’t have survived at all, only added to the mental booty-kick that I so desperately needed, and now?

It’s like coming that close to death was all that I needed to become a completely different person.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have my negative thoughts.  I give in.  I’m only human.  But by and large, I’m much less anxious.  My first conclusions on a situation aren’t always negative like they were, before.  I can look at myself in the mirror, and still not be 100% happy with the reflection, but it’s not to the point where I fully believe I have zero value anymore.  I know I can contribute to society, and my relationships, in a positive way, and I am determined to try my very best to do so from here on out.

There’s still a potentially long road ahead of me.  In August, I go back for more scans, to determine if any of the original tumor is left, and if there is, more treatment will be on the table at that point.  I understand that, side-effect wise, I may not get as lucky as I was this past time, where a bit of fatigue for a few days will be the only thing that goes “awry.”  But now, I can look to those moments with acceptance and hope, rather than dread and fear.  That makes absolutely all of the difference in the world.  

My doctors have me.  God has me.  And really, that is all I need.

Lastly, to all of those who witnessed my attempts at pushing them away—who saw every last bit of the ugly that was my attitude a year ago and before—THANK YOU.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for staying.  For being patient, when you could have (and maybe should have) just walked away.  I will never be able to repay your kindness, but I am hopeful that I can at least make a concentrated attempt to start!

[midnightsun-if]

*cracks fingers* we need more lore

(Disclaimer I've been trying to keep up w/asks; but your pretty darn active (tytytytyty soo much for that!) and I might have missed something)

Assumption: vampires can enjoy food and not just liquids (otherwise our sis might be torturing us with the smell of cookies; ooooff) Is a vampires sense of taste also enhanced as it goes hand in hand with smell?

Assumption: Vampires can cry, is it normal tears in the game or blood? (Down for either tbh just curious at this point)

Is silver something a vampire or a werewolf should generally avoid? (Does it burn the skin, does it cause a unique reaction in their blood, does it somehow weaken them ect)

Werewolves; I do not believe anyone has asked what happens on a full moon? Is it just "a legend"? Do they have to transform that night? Or do they simply get grumpy, or anxious, or irritated, ect?

A lot of lore has elemental beings such as Phoenix's being weak of the climate of there opposite element(aka North Pole bad). Do Phoenix's experience this? Or is any race weekend by climate for that matter?

I am also assuming Phoenix's do not just...burst into flames and rebirth when very injured based on other questions about immortality/races/C?

Speaking of my favorite RO! How large is their bird form more or less? We know that the wolves are literally big enough to put a saddle on apparently; flames aside, would a Phoenix theoretically be able to carry a person? Even if its LoTR style eagles in claws?

Regarding the Shadow-Kin, are they more rogue/spy vibe....we talking full on DND assassin stabbystabby or more corporate espionage?

I’m always willing to give you more lore whenever I can! Of course, things are subject to change as I flesh things out, but I’ll try my best to give you most concrete ideas I have!

I enjoy interacting with you all as much as I can! It’s something that brings me tremendous joy, especially when you all include little blurbs about my characters and what you’re excited to see. I truly appreciate all the support that Midnight Sun has acquired. ❤️❤️❤️

Vampires can enjoy food, not just liquids?

Correct. Though I wouldn’t say they enjoy it necessarily. Vampires can definitely eat human food but it doesn’t really do anything for them, and some vampires find the taste absolutely revolting or just muted so they don’t see the point of doing it. Most of the time, for the vamps that do eat human food, and actually wish to enjoy it (somewhat), and get sustenance from it, blood is added into the mix. So you’ll have things like blood cookies, or blood suckers (lollipops), and various other things.

Is a vampires sense of taste enhanced?

It is in a sense, but not in a way that you’d be able to pick out every single ingredient individually, which is another reason why the vampires that find human food revolting stay away from it. For the ones that don’t it just adds a little kick, but nothing that’d be considered detrimental to the “experience”.

Vampires can cry— is it normal tears or blood? Something else?

It’s actually broken down venom! As you’ve probably noticed a vampires venom is of great importance— not just because it’s the thing that changed them/keeps them still kicking, but it offers a lot of other bonuses that wouldn’t otherwise be available. Vampires, and the venom in a sense, try to copy humanity as closely as it can (with some obvious differences) due to the fact that humans used to be the main food source, it’d made hunting easier and blending in a smooth transition.

Hence vampires being able to “bleed” if a wound is deep enough. As the blood a vampire drinks not only satiates their hunger but it also flows through their veins to give a semblance of… being alive, I guess. It’s why if a vampire hasn’t fed in a while they start to turn colder (in a temperature sense), look a bit more pallid, and generally look a bit worse for wear. (Of course, the blood that you’d bleed isn’t actually yours but that’s just semantics.)

Is silver something that vampires or werewolves should generally avoid?

Not at all! No one truly knows how that myth started up— some suspect it was just a ploy to make Hunters think they had the advantage when they actually didn’t— but it’s not the case in the slightest.

In fact, when the Voltaire Family has to host the annual unity ball (let’s just call it that) wherein Hunters attend, Scarlett wears silver everything (necklaces, rings, etc), because it’s a long proven myth that’s been debunked but is still a wound in the Hunters ego. She has a blast every time she sees their faces. (For those wondering why Hunters would be allowed near other supernatural species, it’s because since the supernatural world has tried to integrate with humanity they haven’t really needed to be in supply. They’re more bounty hunter type things now, going after criminals and the like.)

Does the full moon have an influence over werewolves like in the myths?

Yes and no. Younger wolves, that haven’t really learned control, or haven’t been trained accordingly, can be swayed a bit more by the moon, but it doesn’t force them to shift, nor does it turn them into mindless hunting machines. However, the legend does have a kernel of truth on why the myth started in the first place. Centuries before, when the supernatural world was still hidden, werewolves typically had big hunts on the night of the full moon, as it gave off more light, and one pack in particular was quite… ruthless. Stories spread of it, of that pack and it’s unrelenting intensity, and the werewolf myth with the full moon began.

Some wolves do get a bit grumpy during it though. Not because the moon is doing something, but because people always have something to say about it. (Sloane has never had a good time.)

Are Phoenixes weakened by the cold? Are there any species that are?

Phoenixes are quite hardy, they have to be, but do they enjoy being in colder weather? Not particularly, but it’s not something that’d be of great detriment to them. Are they comfortable? Not really. Would they be able to survive? Yes. It’s something that they could do, in a sense, but wouldn’t particularly enjoy. Though Ice Phoenixes feel the exact same way about fire.

As for other species? The underwater species tend to avoid heat, at least an excessive force of it, due to the fact that it feels like they’re drying out (though it just depends on the different types), but I’ll have to go back through my notes to look at specific species! I’ll have to remind myself to make a post about that!

Do Phoenixes get reborn?

They used to. It’s a gift that has since been lost. For reasons that you’ll uncover within the game.

How large are Phoenixes?

Phoenixes, at least when you’re talking about the shifters, vary in sizes from a Peregrine Falcon to a Martial Eagle.

However, actual Phoenixes, where the name was derived from, were much bigger and would easily be able to carry a person. (Like with Dragon Shifters, actual dragons are always bigger.)

Unfortunately, Phoenixes have gone extinct and only the ones that had been blessed with their gift are left.

How big is C’s shifted form?

C is quite large for the typical Phoenix. They have a wingspan of about, roughly in any case, 13-14 feet.

Shadow Kin specification?

It’s more corporate type espionage, at least in the scope of Midnight Sun, but afterward, you can HC your MC taking various other paths!

[perfectlyripeclementine]

yeeeea thats fair. i think she'd be anxious too if she didnt know that it was like 2 am in my timezone. so i was just kinda out bc i was exhausted also tbh.

anyway ive been thinking a lot and its starting to become funny how im Just realizing just how subby i am.

i work from home and whenever she'd be away i would just fucking touch myself for hours and send her hour long audios. like i think i sent her 4 audios once that were each an hours long. it was so amusing to see her reaction. i remember once she was like "oh im in the uni's library, ill listen to ur audio as i get some emails done and send u a response in a bit" bc she assumed it was a normal audio (idk if it was just us or sapphic ppl in general but sending hour long audios was quite normal for us...we talked A LOT) and then she messaged me 30 mins later saying "ive just been glued to my seat for the last 30 mins. i cant move. i cant think. my brain is short circuiting. im worried there might be wet spot on the seat once i get up."

anyway teasing your partner in inappropriate places and also sending them personalized porn for their pleasure is very nice and yea idk how i didnt get that i was probably not just a dom by then jdkdmdj

how have you been btw?

🦄 anon

sorry i took a while to answer this!! but 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

I def send long voicenotes to my friend but i’ll say hour long sounds like a lot. That sounds incredibly hot tho. I love sending texts or photos at inappropriate times. I’ll have to consider adding audios to my arsenal. The idea of someone not wanting to get up bc they’re embarrassed the wet spot will be visible …… Ya.

And I’m doing well! It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally tbh but nothing like, bad has happened really, i’m just kinda processing some stuff lately. I’ve been enjoying the summer and having a gay-ass time generally, and finally taking a lil vacation at the end of the month which I’m really looking forward to. I’m also taking an erotica writing class starting soon which I’m excited about. Maybe I’ll share some of it here 👀 Thanks for asking!

[sanchezpoetry]

      My addictive tendencies and general issues are currently in full swing. But my relationship with alcohol specifically isn’t just the fact that I’m a drunk raised around addicts. It served various purposes before. It served as my anxiety medication, my painkiller, my anti-depressant, my coping mechanism and my celebratory/relaxation method, my sleeping aid, and even a method to make art (through writing. The majority of my Entire first book was written when I had a buzz)

       I refuse to take painkillers. Being so powerlifting and martial arts oriented, I tend to push my body A LOT. (Another symptom of my addictive tendencies) and I would/do often get various aches and pains as a result. But I refuse to take painkillers because there’s no doubt in my mind that I would probably end up as a hardcore junkie the way my ex was. There was a reason I was so hopelessly attracted to her. I’m a very anxious person, and alcohol helps with that A LOT. As it does with my depression. Same goes for anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I have severe sleeping issues, and at one time, alcohol was the way that I would force myself to sleep. As odd as it sounds, I don’t care much for eating, and my predisposition to enjoy drinking makes that even worse.

Sometimes I wonder how much of it is really my addictions manifesting, or if it’s just a really bad habit that gets catastrophic when coupled with my various other issues, that all become ever more exacerbated because I’ve been working nights. Various nurses and doctors have all told me that what I’m feeling is perfectly normal considering that I’m working in a way that contradicts human biology. Many others have stated that it isn’t really anything other than working nights for so long that’s fucking me up so much. And honestly, as much as I say I’m an alcoholic, I’m not nearly at the level my family was/is.

Getting back to the basics and my original plan when I was intended to temporarily switch to nights is essentially where I’m at now. A lot of things and mistakes happened from when I started to now. The biggest one being that this night bullshit is becoming permanent/long term.  I learned a lot about myself, health, and overall human biology. It’s taken almost a whole year of working nights, but I came up with a general rule list to make sure I stay on a healthy path.

-        No drinking/reading/eating before sleep.

-        No carbs (only lean meats, fruits, and vegetables)

-        No type of exercise any less than 8 hours before I intend to sleep (Exercise when you wake up)

-        No coffee any less than 8 hours before I intend to sleep.

-        No napping. (Suck it up, and force yourself to stay awake)

-        Prioritize sleep (7 to 9 hours tops)

-        Make sure to get sunlight as much as possible.

-        Rely on discipline and knowledge to build routines.

-        Medication serves as an AID, not as something to rely on.

   One of the most amusing things about everything I’m talking about is, I’m one of the most well-disciplined and hard working addicts you will ever meet. I’ve built up my levels of discipline, knowledge basis, reading, art making, and mental/physical strength to the highest and most scrutinous levels that they have ever been. And that includes when I was in the USMC, in college, and even a competitive high school athlete. So in the grand scheme of things at this point, I’m actually the best I’ve ever been. This season of my life has both heightened my strengths and exacerbated my flaws simultaneously. And it is extremely difficult to get an accurate reading on my self-analysis.

      The only real option is to increase my discipline, knowledge, and overall mentality. Move forward, improve myself, and let nothing, not even myself get in my way.

[fruit-teeth]

I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight while I was sobbing in my room and I feel compelled to share it for some reason so here I go

Lately I’ve been dealing a lot with trust issues. Specifically: I’m socially anxious and I have very few irl friends (and online friends for that matter, I’m socially anxious on here too), but a big part of that is that I tend to instantly assume that people either a) don’t like me, b) like me at first, but then realize I’m annoying and decide to stop talking to me or c) will end up hurting me in some way if I get too close to them. These fears of mine are, as I’ve come to realize, a reflection of things that actually did occur during my life.

I had a friend who I thought of as my best friend for many, many years, only to have her randomly stop talking to me and join a completely different friend group. The last time I saw her, she barely said hello to me and acted like I was just an acquaintance. That encounter upset me so badly that I remember hiding in the bathroom and trying not to cry because I was so heartbroken. Even though it’s been years since then (this happened my senior year of high school and I’m an adult now), it led to a spiral of shame, anger, and resentment that eventually led to me deciding I would never call someone my best friend again. Not only that, but that same year, I had my high school graduation party, and I’m not even exaggerating when I say that NONE, and I mean NONE of my friends or really even any of my classmates showed up. I felt extremely betrayed by this, even more so when one those friends expected me to show up to HER party (allegedly she’d had to cover a shift for a coworker at her job at the last minute, which is why she didn’t show, but I still doubt the validity of this). These weren’t the only instances, make no mistake - I’ve had other friends that mocked my interests, and even one that turned out to be a straight-up bully towards me. She made fun of me for liking My Little Pony, and there was even a horrifying moment where she mockingly imitated one of my stims as a way of ‘teasing’ me. High school was tough on its own, but a bad system of friends made it even harder than it ever needed to be.

It’s been years since then, sure, but this has really destroyed my confidence when it’s come to making and keeping friends. I worry constantly if maybe my old friends thought I was annoying and that’s why I was so easy to cast aside like nothing, so now when I get into new friendships, I hide my true personality because I’m terrified they’ll see the real me and think it’s annoying or weird. At the same time, though, when someone is being nice to me and genuinely wants to hang out with me, I always think to myself “this has to be a trap or something, this is too good to be true”. I have a very small circle of friends now, both online and in person, but even with those friends I worry that when they see me or think about me they think to themselves “oh god not Mara again”. This leads to me being very distant, which also causes these friendships to dissipate sometimes. Social interaction is already confusing sometimes thanks to being autistic, but it’s made even worse thanks to the history I have with making and keeping friends.

I started thinking over these things today and remembering all the pain, the anger, everything, and I started feeling really hopeless. I started to feel like I was going to be alone forever, because I couldn’t trust anyone to not secretly hate me or leave me when I wasn’t convenient for them anymore. But it was during this that I suddenly remembered a comment my dad had made a couple years ago: “you don’t remember every time you ate a decent apple, but you certainly remember the times you bit into rotten ones”.

And…yeah. I don’t think about all the times people were kind to me, or the times people were gentle and said nice things to me. When I think about friendships or people in general, I tend to ruminate on all the things that have gone wrong, the times I was ignored or criticized, the moments I realized someone didn’t actually care about me. This realization broke me, though I can’t really hate myself for it. My brain is trying to protect me from future heartbreak by convincing me that there’s no point in maintaining those relationships, that my heart will just get stepped on again. That’s why the negative experiences get amplified while the positive ones fall to the wayside, it’s a method of protection. But it’s a rock and a hard place - either I open myself up to trusting again and get hurt, or I keep closing myself off and hurt myself by isolating from everyone. There’s no way to truly avoid or anticipate pain, though - we can only cope with it when it happens. That’s at least one thing I’ve fully realized lately, and it was NOT an easy conclusion to come to.

The times my old friends abandoned me, mistreated me, or shattered my heart will forever live in my memory. But the times my current friends have said kind things to me, hugged me when they were happy to see me, shared their happy moments and interests with me, even told me they loved me…those are things I can’t let myself forget. Even if my brain is trying desperately to protect me from feeling pain, I know now just how important it is to counteract those anxious thoughts with the memories of what it’s like to be loved and appreciated, because that’s one thing I don’t think anyone should ever forget.

So…I guess I’m sharing this because I think I’m not the only one dealing with this. I know how difficult it is to make friends and to open yourself up to trusting others after you’ve experienced pain, but I think finding people you can trust and who will love you for you can feel very worth it once it happens. Sorry I’m not making sense because it’s very late and I need to go to sleep but I hope you understand me

[supercooldiary]

my head starts pounding because of how huge my brain is and how many thoughts it’s full of

i haven’t written in a while, i’ve been so busy. i always say i’m busy even though i know i spend lots of time doing nothing, but sometimes i just like to keep my thoughts as my own. i’ve also been going to therapy. i think it’s helping some even though there is still so much about everyday that overwhelms me. i constantly feel so anxious and i don’t know why, i feel like something bad is always bound to happen. i’m trying to be better about that. school has been okay. my grades are okay. i joined a club. it’s actually pretty fun. it’s almost my birthday, i find it kind of stressful. i hate change and the thought of me being in earth for so long is scary. i feel like i’ve lived a million lives already but i’ve only been here for sixteen years. by october at least. i always feel stressed to do something for my birthday even though i don’t ever have a party or anything. my mom is going to go shopping with me at thrift stores for my birthday. those are the kinds of days i love. i like when it’s quiet and smells funny sometimes. i like smelling used books and looking for stains in them. i like to go to the library and check out book i won’t read. i like looking at the stains in those books too, wondering what caused them and who. i wonder if they felt bad about it and tried to get it off the best they could. i hope they don’t feel bad because i read the words nonetheless and admire how a small stain makes the book feel personal. i love used books because i can imagine all the hands that have touched it before and i can wonder what those hands are doing now. same with clothes from thrift stores, i don’t think it’s gross i think it’s beautiful. i think it’s a privilege to be able to feel another person i’m your clothes even though they aren’t really there anymore. i think it’s because one day i know the clothing will end up in a thrift store again someday and will repeat the cycle again. even the clothes i buy new i fantasize about the day they will belong to someone else and sometimes i hope they wonder about me too. this weekend i’ve been a bit sick. it came out of no where and really frustrated me because for once i’d actually had plans. i’ve also been taking piano lessons. my teacher is very nice but the piece i’m working on now is kind of tough. i’ve been out of lessons for a while although i’ve played for so long. i hope the rest of the rust is played off soon. i love pies no though. i think piano and the idea of music and instruments in general is one of the most amazing creations ever. without music everything would be quiet and loud at the same time and it sounds terrible. i think being born deaf or becoming deaf would be such an awful thing to happen to someone and if it ever happened to me i don’t know how i would survive. i guess i’m dramatic but it would be difficult to be happy with no music or the sound of anyone speaking. i like listening to people talk, i could listen to people talk about anything and i don’t have to respond. there is something to amazing about a face that is speaking right to you, watching their eyes and their lips as they express what their feeling. sometimes their hands moving too as they act out what they are telling you. i love it. i love a lot of things. i love a lot of people too. sometimes i wonder how i can be so full of love and nothingness at the same time. i guess it stems from self hatred or something. that’s something i don’t love. it’s harfest to love yourself in my opinion. i think when people ask how can you love others if you don’t live yourself can sound sort of silly. it’s so easy for me to live the people around me because i see every line of them as amazing even though i don’t see it in myself. i think most people are like that too. i see things in people and trees and birds and sandwiches that sometimes i feel i could never see in myself. but i know someday i will feel like my insides are pretty. i just have to discover my own brain and find out what exactly she has to offer for me and the world. it’s such a beautiful and difficult thing to be human but i love it.

pardon the paragraph cut, i reached the limit in the last. even though i don’t feel like i’ve written much at all. that’s a joy of switching topic every sentence. anyhow, sometimes i wish i were a tree or a bird but at the moment i’m glad to be who i am even if i sm hard to love because there is something great about having time understanding your own mind because that means there is something there to find out. just because i’m not happy doesn’t mean i have to be sad and it’s okay that sometimes i’m indifferent. that doesn’t interrupt optimism and the fact that one day i’ll be different. even though i’ll have the same intricate brain and that’s the joy of birthdays and being alive and being human.

[jodilin65]

I’ve got a few things to update on, but first I’ll get the nightmare out of the way that has me worried. How I wish I wasn’t psychic and had the luxury of writing it off as just a simple nightmare! But I know better. Every time I have a certain kind of nightmare where I’m about to die, something bad ends up happening to me. I just had the THIRD drowning dream I’ve had this year. After the last one in February, I got the norovirus. After the first one In January, I had an anxiety spell for about a week. So yeah, definitely worried and wondering what it could mean. I just hope I don’t have them every month!

My guess is that I’m in for another round of anxiety because it isn’t very often that I get hit with the norovirus. There aren’t that many things it could be, but I’m glad that Tom wasn’t in the nightmare because whenever there’s a deadly nightmare that involves both of us, something bad happens that affects us both. But whatever’s coming, it’s on me and I’m definitely worried and nervous about it. But at the same time, the sucky thing about being the kind of psychic I am is that there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t change it. I can’t stop it.

So in the dream, I was walking along these boulders that ran alongside the ocean somewhere. There was a big boulder that sloped downward and I lost my footing as I was going down it and fell flat on my ass. Then a huge wave came and swept me out to sea. It just came crashing down on me and snatched me right off the rock and the harder and faster I tried to swim back to the rocks, the more waves would come and engulf me in them, sucking me further away. So it was a pretty scary dream.

I also had a dream that I was thinking of Maliheh and how she died when she was 47. But in real life, I last talked to her when she was in her 50s and now she would be in her 60s.

Then I had a dream that I walked into a fish market and started to tell an Asian woman that I usually buy bags of frozen tilapia filets and asked if they’d be cheaper there. She started to have this gross look on her face before she turned and walked off like she was going to look for the answer to that but never came back.

I woke up tired today because I was up for 18 hours yesterday and only slept for 6. This happens sometimes and I’m always tired when it does, so I can’t really judge today. However, I may be on to something as far as the vitamins go - especially vitamin D - and its connection to anxiety and fatigue. I started taking a multivitamin 4 days ago and have noticed a general increase in energy and that’s part of why I was up late. That’s the downside to having energy is that when I have it, I sometimes have insomnia. So, I can’t win either way. It’s like I’m tired because I don’t have enough of this or that whether it’s thyroid or vitamins, and also tired because I have insomnia at times. But in general, it does seem like there may be a connection to it boosting my thyroid and energy levels which in turn can lead to anxiety. I took multivitamins during the worst of my anxious years after going on levothyroxine. Plus, I was adding vitamin D to the mix at times, not knowing that vitamin D can enhance thyroid function. So I could have been fueling my anxiety without knowing it by flooding my system with too much and pushing myself into a range that for me personally, left me wired and anxious. I’m now hoping that while this may be a little too optimistic, I can find that comfort zone between the very fine line between helpful and hurtful, and whenever I start feeling sluggish, I can increase the vitamins, and then decrease them when I feel like I might be getting close to becoming anxious. I’m seriously wondering after all these years if there could really be a connection. I don’t feel anxious now but feel I could be getting close, so I think I’ll skip tomorrow’s vitamins. I just don’t want to push it.

The more I look at it, the more I can see that Ray didn’t clear the side or back of his place in preparation for gravel. If you really look at it, you can see that it’s just greener on our side because of the way the ground is and the way the water pools toward our sidewalk when it rains, and not that it’s been intentionally cleared.

The honker is definitely getting serious with his girlfriend. He didn’t take the motorcycle out all weekend and I guess I have her to thank for that. I don’t know what she does during the week and from what I learned, she’s a few years older than him.

He sometimes walks down to her place since it’s not that far and of course, the dog is alone more and sometimes howls. Tonight it was just one howl.

Still wonder how this relationship is going to affect his going home. I just can’t imagine getting all serious with someone and then having them be like, “Okay, I’m going up to Canada. I’ll be back in 6 months,” but maybe she’s okay with that. Maybe she’ll eventually go up with him. I don’t know the nature of their relationship but if it’s that serious and they ever have a nasty break-up, you would think it would be rather awkward living so close to the person but that’s on them.

Between the girlfriend and highs of around 40 with lows of around 30 where he’s from, I can see why he would be in no hurry to get home.

I’m still hearing Happy every day. I don’t know why it’s been a daily thing again, but I haven’t heard it go on for more than a few seconds after that one time it went on for several minutes. I guess some people just think it’s pretty damn funny or don’t realize just how annoying it can be.

I asked AI to give me a list of adult communities in Florida that do not allow motorcycles or dogs and it gave me a list of 20 places. I don’t know how accurate it is and I know that policies can change. I wish we had this option when we first moved here, although at that time, we were desperate to get out of the last place as noisy as it was and we only had so much money to play around with after staying in hotels for a month. But if we ever had more money and could take our time looking since we wouldn’t be desperate to escape this place and wouldn’t have plane tickets and hotels eating up some of our money from the sale of the place, things may be different. It may be easier to get more of what we want as long as the flight path isn’t any lower.

Looking at it realistically, I don’t see us ever moving. I would still like a place that was a little bigger and with an indoor washer and dryer but I just don’t see it. Then he pointed out how we never would’ve thought COVID would lead him into early retirement and us out of the “house of terror” where my scariest moments and memories live. I’ll never forget that OMG moment when I was casually pacing through the house when it hit me that there was no longer anything holding us there. It was like a prison door had popped open just like that and we were free. And I’ll never forget that emotional flight from the brown drought-stricken West to the lush green East, on the very side of the plane I saw us on in my dreams.

So surprises and rare circumstances can and do come up. I’m not expecting us to ever have money again but I realize I may one day be surprised, even if I don’t know where it would come from with him not working. Would we win it? Either way, I need to have goals and dreams to hope for and to strive for. I don’t want to be locked in and feel like this is it forever no matter what. If it was, that’s fine, but I prefer knowing I had options. Even if you’re in a great place, knowing you have other options is always good. That way, you don’t feel like life’s over and you’re locked in forever.

While it would be great if I could suddenly be near Jessie, I’m hesitant to bother for three reasons. First, we may be childhood friends, but we’re not exactly that close, especially in comparison to how close Aly and I were. Secondly, I don’t want to be close to Cape Canaveral and its plans to increase rocket launches. Lastly, we wouldn’t get warmer winters there, so if anything, I would head South if we remained in Florida and unless we’re ever surprised with enough money to get us to Hawaii or lost our place in a hurricane or tornado, I don’t see why we would leave Florida. If we did but didn’t go to Hawaii, I don’t know where we would go. I guess I would aim for either a place that rained a lot or a desert somewhere. I just wouldn’t go to any state I’ve already lived in because that wouldn’t be adding new experiences and variety to my life.

Back to finish my fun-filled weekend of increasing my waistline and chances of becoming diabetic, although the waistline isn't going anywhere. My weight actually went back down again, even with Lorna Doones and coffee ice cream.

[giransbunnywife]

One small but surely definitive moment between Bunny and Chet, and one of my favorites, has got to be the time her nighttime anxiety is really showed. She’s not supposed to be on night watch but switches with someone bc she just can’t sleep. The thoughts are loud in her brain and she just can’t escape the anxiously intrusive ones that keep plaguing her. She joins Chet for their first night watch together, kinda quiet and solemn compared to her usual demeanor.

Normally this wouldn’t be such a shocker, but this is Bunny! The beautiful, adorable little thing that hasn’t stopped talking and sharing since the moment they first met. She’s almost never quiet unless the moment calls for it, and generally just always cheerful. For her to be quiet and sad is just unlike her, at least from what he’s seen from her. And Chet’s too curious not to ask, plus he’s been enthralled by her since they first met anyway.

“What’s got you so quiet, Bunny?”

“Hm? Oh, nothing… I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

She’s fiddling with her dress and staring at the blades of grass underneath her feet. The never ending thoughts are written completely on her face, with a concerned divot that never seems to vanish between her brows. Even those that don’t know her as well as her most trust Tabaxi companion could see through her sullen demeanor.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shakes her head, but after a few seconds of prolonged silence… she can’t help but speak up. After some time of opening and closing her mouth, sucking in deep breaths and hesitating on her words, she finally finds the words.

“Nights are… really bad for me sometimes,” She says with a small squeak to her voice, “I get really anxious and have some scary thoughts. A lot of times I can ignore them or brush them off, but… sometimes it’s not so easy.”

“What kind of scary thoughts? I don’t wanna to pry, but—“

“Just all kinds of stuff that I’m anxious about… kind of depends on if something triggered it or if I’m just having a bad night. Sometimes about me or the people I care about… just bad, nasty things…”

Her voice trails off for a second before she tries to laugh at herself a bit, a smile curling just a little. Possibly an attempt to lighten to mood from such a heavy and personal topic.

“Sometimes it’s recalling memories about silly or stupid stuff I did that I regret. All of the things that I wonder what could of happened… all the things that haunt me.”

“Oh… That’s heavy shit.”

Bunny chuckles, feeling less nervous by how little judgement she receives. She’s so used to seeing the shock and the discomfort on people’s faces when she opens up about her anxiety. The way it manifests and how it eats away at her. There’s very little regret on her face, and in fact she feels almost relieved by being able to talk about something that’s been bothering her.

“I had no idea that you’ve been dealing with that—“

“I tend to keep it quiet, especially from new people. Lot of people meet me with questions that are too personal or too much concern that it makes me even more anxious than I already am. But I trust you guys… Y’all have been refreshingly different…”

She smiles warmly, perking up for the first time since she sat down beside him.

“I appreciate you sharing all that with me, Bunny.”

“It’s nothing… Thanks for listening. I know it’s kind of a bummer when I’m in a sour mood.”

“You don’t have to be so chipper all the time, Y’know. None of them are gonna treat you any differently—“

“Yeah, I know… They’re all so wonderful and understanding. I’m just so used to being the one who everyone relies on to keep the conversation going… It’s refreshing to have the opposite, though.”

“Well, you don’t gotta worry about that with me. I like your company fine.”

“Thanks, Chet. That means a lot.”

She giggles softly, brushing her hair back and falling into a ginger silence that makes her feel less awkward and more relaxed.

“Would it be better if I just sat here with you?”

“That’d be… really nice, Chet. Thank you.”

Bunny falls quiet and she just sits and watch the rising sun, relaxing into the peacefulness after letting her worries wash away just a little. And that is pretty much the first time that there’s just a little bit of a glimpse inside just what a wonder she is, even through all of her demons.

[cigscoffeeanddaydreams]

March 25th 2023 I can’t fall asleep. A lot has happened since the last time I have written here. I am just moved to another apartment with my boyfriend. We are still adjusting. I feel very empty but also very worried lately. Because nothing goes the way I want. Something always has to go bad and crawl into my skin in the form of anxiety. It’s really tiring. Sometimes to the point where my body cannot handle it and I get head aches in the best case scenario. Usually I start to get flue symptoms when I am very depressed or stressed. My Boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We’ve had some ups and downs but nothing unusual in a healthy relationship. I do have to admit that I wished his love language was different sometimes. Because I am a very needy person who needs constant reassurance. He on the other hand can be very cold and unexpressive with his feelings. I feel especially anxious in those moments because I don’t know what to do. I immediately fear that I have done something to upset him. He also has mood swings. Usually I don’t care but sometimes I get really excited for something and his bad mood brings mine down immediately. Even on our anniversary he was acting moody despite the fact that everything was planed ahead. I am also salty I didn’t get any flowers in all honesty. He in general claims to not be good at gifting which is obviously fine. But when the topic came up I did express that I really longed flowers. No one’s ever gotten me flowers besides my mother on my 18th birthday. And at some gig I was gifted some. But bo romantic partner ever gave me one. It’s not that I want gifts and the world. But I wish for once someone would make me feel at least a little important. I am tired of being the one (in any relationship) who always picks up the small things and tries but ends up being in 2nd place. I just want to be loves the way I love for once. I think I deserve affection. I deserve to be treated nicely and with respect. Please don’t misunderstand, I know my boyfriend loves me, but I just wished to be treated a little more romantic, as cliché as it sounds. I also wish for the things in my life to finally go the way I want. I am really tired. I feel tired and worn out all day because my mind is racing but it’s really difficult to make people understand that. I know they think I’m just lazy but I really don’t have any strength left. Sometimes I just want to die so I can get some peace. I am tired of dealing. Not just with situations in the present, but the past and future as well. Everything terrifies me so bad. I am going to try and sleep now. It’s 4:20 am and I have to get a lot done tomorrow. I just wanted to put my suffocating thought out somewhere.

(nothings edited so please ignore typos)

[anakiinhighwalker]

|| 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚘𝚞

↳ anakin x afab reader. tw for a man roughly grabbing the reader and being rude in general. Sorry if Ani is ooc :(

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Biting your nails, you stood there hunched over. Anxious. Worried. Upset. You stared at the wall, covered with the paintings of your family.

Not just any paintings, though—wedding paintings. The brides, always dull faces but covered in the most exquisite jewelry your country could muster, was haunting to you. To think that in a couple hours that could be you.

It horrified you. And it was worsened by the fact you had to marry a man you didn’t love at all.

Your love laid with another man. A Jedi who was tall, handsome and one of the best men you have ever met. His name was Anakin Skywalker, who was the love of your life. Standing there, you thought about how much you loved him, how much you needed him in your life. You began to think about how many times your most personal maids and butlers shushed you and ushered you into the dark corners of your castle so you could spend a couple more intimate minutes with Anakin. He drove you crazy but in the way you wanted him to drive you crazy. And you knew that you drove him crazy back.

You loved Anakin so much that you had told him of the forced proposal from a prince from a planet you hadn’t even recognized. So, there you stood. Waiting for Anakin’s hurried arrival.

You didn’t have to wait longer as the giant painted doors opened with a strong force and you saw him once again. You could swear he got handsomer everytime you saw him; sharp eyes, sharper scar and his bellowing robes showing his prideful ways as a Jedi and a General. Anakin was so ethereally handsome, you wouldn’t doubt it if someone said the Maker had sculpted Anakin to be one of the most handsome men of the galaxy.

Your lover stood in front of you, long strides halting to meet you face to face. A moment passed before you two embraced a strong hug—a hug that could been read as intimate and passionate even from Naboo. Melting into his dark red and black robes, you sighed and smiled at the familiar chirp of R2D2 trailing not too far behind him.

He spoke up, still holding you, “When did you find out?”

Then you spoke, “This afternoon. I was so mad, Ani. I called you as soon as I could.”

Anakin, in his tall and confident stance, had one of the most loving, most softest look in his blue eyes, “Don’t worry. I’m not mad.”

“Anakin. I know you.”

“Is it really that hard to believe I’m not mad?”

“Anakin.”

“Okay yeah, I’m a little mad. But at the guy, not at you.”

“Not like I’ll marry him over you anyways.” You soothed his worries. He smiled and there you went, swooning over a Jedi and making him bend the very strict Jedi rules of no attachments. If Yoda or any of the Jedi saw him now, they would die of shock.

His dumb yet smug smile was charming as always. “Good. You know I wouldn’t—won’t—let anything happen. Maybe I can talk to your dad.”

“I don’t know. Dad has his mind made up on this guy.”

He scowled. “What does he have that I don’t?”

“What? Anakin, you know I don’t want to be with this man.”

“No no, I know I just…” He sighed obviously frustrated and upset. “I’m not saying that you wanna be with him it’s just disheartening to see your dad set on this guy.”

You leaned up, kissing his blushed cheek and then pressing another intimate kiss to his lips. Caressing his cheek, you whispered to him, “I understand. It’s okay Anakin; we’ll solve this. My dad’ll hear us out and he’ll stop this whole ordeal and in a few years, the war will end and we will have a family.”

Anakin couldn’t help but smile which made you smile in return. It felt like nothing could’ve separated you…Almost nothing. The loud steps of your soon to be husband echoed and caught your, and Anakin’s, ear. You both untangled from one another as fast as you had embraced eachother.

There he stood. Your betrothed. Truth be told, he wasn’t bad to look at but he just couldn’t live up to Anakin’s handsome features. He was slightly taller than Anakin but even so, you loved the Jedi more than you did the prince. And sometimes, it felt as if the prince knew about you and Anakin. But that was just in your head, right?

“Master Skywalker. My betrothed.” He greeted you both so formally—so coldly if you really read his tone of voice. Anakin’s stance stiffened; he stood proud and tall like how he stood in front of his army of men before going out into battle. The both of them stared at eachother, unmoving,

“It’s nice to see you, Your Royal Grace.” Anakin said smoothly, giving a small head bow to the prince. The prince nodded in return and turned to you,

“Come, dear. We have an afternoon planned together.” You saw Anakin’s brows furrow and his fist ball up within his long, coffee colored robes. Wanting to avoid any conflict (and also to avoid any impulsive actions from Anakin), you made something up on the spot,

“I can’t go. His commanding grace said I needed to see him.”

It was the prince’s turn to furrow his eyebrows, “The king? He’s asked to see you—?”

“And Master Skywalker.” You added a little too quickly.

The prince crossed his arms and stood covered in medals upon medals of gold splayed across his navy blue uniform. He looked at you and Anakin, questioning yours and more importantly his motives. Anakin mirrored the Prince’s crossed arms, his giant Jedi robes making look slightly bigger than he was.

Your betrothed broke first. He softened his glare, “Alright. I’ll call off everything for today. It’s best you two get moving now since his commanding grace will be busy.”

With a little quick bow and a nod, you and Anakin were on your merry way to your dads office.

———

“Anakin please!” You giggled, feeling kiss after kiss on your jaw and neck. You and Anakin stood in the hallways of the giant palace you called a home. You felt like a teenager, letting the familiar feeling of your boyfriends kisses soothe you.

He made you so happy. You couldn’t let the engagement happen. Not when Anakin was right there. You loved him too much and you didn’t care about Jedi codes or rules. All you cared about was the man who was peppering you and showering you in affection right now.

“Can’t I kiss my beautiful princess?”

“Not in the hallways. We still have to talk to my dad.”

“I thought you only said that to get away from Prince Charming?”

You bit your lip feeling anxious about telling him the next part, “Partly. I really do wanna talk to dad. I wanna talk to him about us.”

“Well alright…But if he starts getting mad, I’m not sticking around.” He half joked half stated.

Your father wasn’t quick to anger, much less to upset. He was always a very understanding man and he could always, always read your motives. Your father knew you pretty well so you hoped that when you entered the giant, marvelous marble office of your father’s room, he wouldn’t be able to tell why you really wanted to cancel the wedding.

Anakin, with an awkward smile, gently pushed the oak brown door open. The doors were large, imposing and stood strong as a show of strength and pride for your country’s leader. Even as a kid, the doors to your fathers doors never frightened you. You simply saw them as any other giant palace doors. But now, standing next to Anakin, you felt yourself finally feel that fear. That mild terror that isn’t exactly bone crushing but it was enough to make you feel as if your legs were weak and not there, even.

And there he sat. Your father. He looked pretty human for the great and grand ruler, hunched over millions of peach, white and even some red letters. They came from all over the planet, often asking for more budget or more resources—basic king responsibilities.

“Father?” You called.

“Yes dear?” He said inattentively.

“Me and Anakin want to talk to you.”

Your father raised his eyes at the name Anakin. “What does Master Skywalker need?”

“Your Highness”, Anakin took over and gave his courteous bow, “I have been speaking to your daughter about the upcoming wedding. We, uh, we believe it is not as beneficial as it was once proposed.”

“Why do you say this?”

Your boyfriend swallowed hard, you could see the little, most minuscule tremble of his bottom lip as he spoke. “I have reason to believe through my meditations that this wedding won’t be beneficial to your family. The Force spoke to me in a meditation session and it showed me the consequences of this marriage if it were to happen. Trust me when I say this, Your Grace, it was abysmal.”

Your father rose from his seat, the medallions of peace and humanitarian help splayed on his chest as well as his long, kingly robes making him look grand and majestic. He was much shorter than Anakin but still was he as intimidating as Anakin.

“These are serious accusations, Anakin. Do you have proof?”

“We don’t.” You spoke up, letting your anxiety subside. “But I can vouch for Anakin.”

“How do I know this is not just a plot to stop the marriage for ulterior reasons?”

Truth be told, it really just because of that. A plan to stop a wedding only because of your love to another man. You weren’t even sure if Anakin’s visions of the future were fact or not but you wouldn’t let that stop you. Regardless of the truth or not, Anakin was your beloved whether your father accepted this or not.

“Why else would we stop this wedding? What eason would we have?” You said as formally as you could, your old maids words coming to you about standing upright and keeping your hands docile yet attentive.

Your fathers silence meant either you or Anakin could continue, so you continued. “Truth be told, dad, I really don’t want to marry him. It’s nothing he did wrong, it’s just I don’t wish to marry. Anakin’s visions just put more distress onto me about the situation—Why else would he see horrible visions if it didn’t mean anything?”

“It could be bias—“

“Father, please. Jedi are not allowed attachments nor are they allowed biases; they’re peacekeepers not politicians.”

He sighed and laid his crown down on his elegant desk. “If this truly worries you and Anakin then, I will see what I can do about this matrimony. But the prince must not know you two came up to me to talk me out of it. It would be seen as treasonous for another man to speak up about a royal engagement.”

You held back the smile forming on your face, “Thank you dad. Really.”

“Of course. Run along you two.”

———

In your room, you and Anakin sat together embracing and simply being. He had pressed so many kisses to your face you began to worry your nerves would have gone numb. He sighed and brought you closer if you could even get closer.

You two stayed in silence, his silence in deep thought and your silence in deep worry. You shifted a bit to stare up at Anakin who was already staring down.

“What do you think is gonna happen?”

“Not sure.” He said, looking a bit worried, “I just know your father was taking us seriously.“

The silence grew again. A knock at your door made Anakin reluctantly let you go to allow you to get up, with Anakin getting off the bed as well to sit on corner chair that was as luxurious as it looked with its pretty ingrained swirls of wood.

Opening the door reveal your maids, all various heights but all as loving as a mother would be to a child. Anakin sighed in relief, letting his guard down and relaxing into the chair. Instantly, you were bombarded with questions, concerns and comments about your opposition to the wedding. How they found out, you didn’t know. Your maids simply had a way of getting around the palace.

That’s how they knew about you and Anakin.

Your eldest maid, a sweet lady in her 40s, shushed her colleagues and spoke in a soft voice—one that couldn’t be heard from anywhere but the room. “We need to take Master Skywalker to the guest room.”

“Why?” You inquired.

“The prince is on his way here. He will take it personally if he found out Master Skywalker was in your quarters.”

Anakin, already on his feet, walked alongside two of your maids. Once he gave you a small kiss to your cheek and palm, which made your maids squeal a little, he left in a hurry. You immediately took your seat at your vanity, which was decorated by extravagant pearls, jewels and other beauties. The prince entered your room as soon as you heard Anakin’s step fade into nothing. The maids positioned themselves around your room and locked the door.

The prince looked at the back of your head as you toyed with the many cosmetics on your vanity’s surface. You couldn’t look up at him, he looked livid.

His voice sounded strong, angry, and unnecessarily demanding, “What’s this about the wedding I heard from the king?”

“What?”

“Don’t play coy with me. I want to know why you and Master Skywalker are plotting to undo this engagement.”

“We are not planning to ‘undo’ anything. Master Skywalker’s visions agreed with my stance that maybe this wedding should be postponed or revised—“

“Don’t give me that shit!” He practically snarled while slamming a hand on your bed frame, making your maids jolt and look up startled. The echo of the loud thud of the bed frame surely traveled into the hallway even with the locked door.

You finally turned towards the prince, seeing his red face and his almost feral snarl that was gnawing and forming on his face. “I am not giving any shit. I’m only saying what I thought would be the best for us.”

The prince neared you dangerously, stalking over to you and towering over you as you sat. You gripped your table with uncertainty.

“What does Skywalker have to do with ‘us’? If you’ve forgotten, you’ll be my woman and give birth to my child, not HIS children.”

“That’s—“

“That’s not debatable!” He shouted, grabbing your face and roughly pulling you to him with a grip that would surely leave angry marks on your cheeks. Letting out a noise of surprise and exasperation as you put both hands on his arm and dug your fingers into his princely robes.

“Let me go!” You muffled. He just kept glaring.

“You listen to me. You’ll do NOTHING to keep me from marrying you. By law I have a right to you as the man.”

“Get off me!” You struggled, returning his glare and snarl. He was about to quip back before loud, deafening pounding at your doors interrupted him. The prince stared over at the door and rushed a maid to open it.

Anakin stood there, his glare more lethal than anything the prince could try and muster. The small height difference didn’t matter with how livid and menacing Anakin stood in the middle of the doorway. He didn’t move. But you saw his hand at the shiny metal saber hilt.

“Let her go.” Anakin spoke in the voice you heard him only use on Separatist. You struggled again yet couldn’t break out of the prince’s grip on your face. His fingers dug into your cheeks as he stared up at the dangerous Jedi.

“This is who you want to leave me for?” The prince mocked you. And you just about had it with his mockery and emotions.

In a fury, you slapped the living daylights out of the prince and shoved him with enough force to knock him onto the marble floors. Without question, Anakin walked to you and although he restrained his physical affection, the care and amor in his eyes made up for it.

“You do not get to touch me like that as if you rule this planet.” You never heard your voice tremble with this much anger. The prince stood up rather quickly and shoved Anakin, or at least tried to. The battle-harden Jedi moved not even an inch. Instead, that’s when the true brawl began.

Anakin’s strength was in full display; the way he tossed the prince was shocking even when you absolutely knew Anakin would get into a fight when the royal put his hands on him. The fool that Anakin made of the prince in that very moment was embarrassing, humiliating, disgraceful. Anakin’s battle wits were on full display as, for the lack of a better term, he rocked the absolute shit out of the prince.

The brawl left the degraded royal covered in blood and forming dark purple bruises. Anakin on the other hand? Had a few scuffles and red marks here and there. The maids had to pull your Jedi off of the trashed man, who only laid there touching his wounds. The way Anakin stood over the man, imposing and striking, was nothing short of attractive to you in all honesty.

“You barbarian.” The prince wheezed making Anakin scoff. You tried to help the prince up but he only slapped your hands off of him and stormed off to only Maker knows where. Probably to cancel the wedding with your father. You couldn’t care less as you turned back to Anakin and began to lay your hands on his cheeks.

“You have a little scratch on your chin, Ani.” You smiled. Anakin sighed in relief at the fact you weren’t upset with him and leaned into your touch. He placed both hands on yours and pressed kisses to your palms, knuckles and fingers.

“Who cares? That idiot couldn’t even get one clean punch on me. I’m not worried about some little mark.” The smug smirk and tone made you perk up and give a little kiss to his chin scratch. The maids quickly excused themselves and let you alone with your Jedi.

You two melted into a tight and loyal embrace, his arms feeling so strong and deliciously protective after what he had done for you.

“I love you so much, Ani.”

“I love you too.”

You looked up as he looked down and shared an extraordinary kiss with Anakin.

———

“Ani! Ani!” You cheerily called, hurrying through the Senate building. Your long dress and robes trailing behind you.

It had been nearly a year since that scuffle in your room. The wedding was called off, the prince with his wounded pride returning to his planet to marry another princess from the Mid Rim. Your father at first was unsure of what to make of the altercation but eventually came to conclusion Anakin was simply protecting you from what could’ve been a bad situation.

Anakin stopped walking with his master Obi Wan Kenobi and stared back at you, making a sneaky getaway towards you. He spun you and hugged you tightly, setting you down to share many light kisses with you.

“Ani…I’m so glad you’re okay. I heard so many rumors that the 501st…”

“If the rumors weren’t of our glorious victory, then there’s nothing to hear out.” He stated, landing a kiss to your temple.

The smile on your lips was mirrored by Anakin’s. The ring on your finger shined at the 5 o’clock sun. Your wedding and commitment to Anakin would be in only a few days, your maids and R2D2 being the only witnesses. Your eldest maid had agreed to bless you and wed you both in the secret gardens of your palace.

You only had to wait until then. Anakin had express his joy constantly, stating he couldn’t wait either. He simply had to be one with you.

You were so glad that you had met him and that now and forever, you’d spent your life with him. :)