#nothign to really do
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#good omens#´hello friends!! how are you!!#I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` )#I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey#usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from#most of the time I just get a stuffy nose#has my nose gotten stronger#but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁)#it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet#but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (:#and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors#I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set#the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer#but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet#unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home#which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car
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stuff heavily referenced from clive hicks-jenkins' art cus i've been rly into it lately 🥰
cute idea scribblings for the last drawing..lol
#tes#skyrim#talvas fathryon#neloth#my art#stylized small pupils look good on neloff#and kinda off topic but he would really benefit from wearing robes that aren't tied around the waist LOL it would give him more of a -#- powerful look .. mmrp#i'll never be able 2 do wat clive can do but i think i came pretty close#using the materials dat i have#i like all of these though :) pencil makes me happy#whenever i draw traditionally i always have something smart to say abt art in my head but then i forget everything i wanted to say#i wanted to add text to the last one as well but i'm not well versed in how clive would use text in his artworks yet && tbh it looks -#- better w/o it#if i did add text .... it'd say: “first love” :)#how cute :)#and the last btw#😂#i'm really not sorry for drawing nothign but nelvas rn but i will come back to other stuff once i'm not as packed w/ work#when i'm in stress i just like to draw the things i'm used to for now#these drawings r so big my tumblr is gonna kms over them get over it bitch
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Dazai leans over the edge, a strong gust of wind is all it would take to push him over, to send him falling to his sweet, ultimate demise.
Chuuya grabs his arm in a strong grip- but he doesn't pull Dazai away from the edge. Chuuya looks Dazai straight in his eyes. Bright blue eyes meet Dazai's and he says in a firm voice,
"If you jump, you'll kill both of us."
And it's clear, right then, how deeply Chuuya trusts Dazai.
And Dazai doesn't jump.
#GUYS GUYS GUYS#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M FUCKING DOING#I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS OR HOW TO TAG IT#OMG YALL#I came up with this in one go without any further thought#wrote it down immediately#and now im going to post it#i dont know what this is- yall#dont judge me okat-#dazai bsd#dazai osamu#bsd dazai#bsd dazai osamu#bsd osamu dazai#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#bsd chuuya#bsd chuuya nakahara#bsd nakahara chuuya#bsd soukoku#soukoku#soukoku unconventional mating rituals ao3 tag#bsd skk#skk#originally i was gonna add soemthing about chuuya's eyes looking like they were glowing#but that felt too cheesy#I was gonna add something about their souls being tied together their lives so firmly connected that if dazai dies chuuya dies and theres#nothign either one can do about it#this feels too cheesy#im gonna jump (not really)
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jim carrey as gerald also sucks btw . i already didnt think he was a particularly good choice for eggman because it feels like hes just playing himself and not eggman but seeing them take a character whos entire deal is being long dead but still impacting the story through his grief driven actions and bring him back to life and make him a main character and also turn him into a silly jim carrey character is making me turn into the joker
#also skinny eggman just inherently sucks no matter what actor it is#the casting for the game characters in sonic 3 is just so bad lmao . except for maria i feel like shes hard to mess up#and even if they do mess her up somehow alyla browne is what. 14. im not hating on a child actor. she gets a free pass here .#well its not even just the third movie tbh#the only game character id say is actually really well casted is tails and they just kept his game va for him#the others are either not great or are fine but also nothign special compared to other people who have played the same character#anyway i do think eggman and gerald being played by the same actor makes sense becuase theyre supposed to look and sound similar#its more the fact that its jim carrey specifically. i was honestly kind of hoping he did retire for real#i would have preferred an eggman-less movie over this. like i know an sa2 adaptation without eggman would be weird#because sa2 is so focused on the robotnik family (and yes i am including shadow in that) . but god . this sucks so bad .#not to mention the fact that gerald is seemingly taking rouge's spot in the dark story trio. hello. who approved this garbage#i need this movie to flop so bad but i know realistically that it wont
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why am i even trying to get clean. literally whats the point.
#this isnt like an existentialist depressed nothign matters we're all doomed thing.#its a genuine question#its just like. do i have a reason to get clean? not really no. do i have reasons to keep doing it? yeah.#not like its affecting anyone but myself.#boycritter et al
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Have you ever been tested for ADHD Keri... /nosy /nf
Mmm no i haven't? My therapist never mentioned anything about adhd either, though she did tell me i seem to fall into the autism spectrum,, further than that though i never got tested profesionally for either so in the end who knows really
#i do indentify as an autistic person (? is that how you say it) but i always think of it like. half-diagnosed#no official testing but not fully self-diagnosed since i do have a more professional opinion#i do wonder about adhd sometimes but i dont really know. there are some things that match it but some that dont either#not quite sure how to go about thinking about it and nothign was ever mentioned in therapy so i just ? assume its a no? or not as strong?#sometimes i think about testing but idk. i keep overworrying and never do try#and i didnt like that one of the main pushes to test for a long time was spite#long story#keri rambles#asks#jeiseny tag
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george could have a backbone and acknowledge his actions and apologise and not try to get out of it and then i’d see some redeem-ability for him
i’ll never be able to fully hate them but fandom won’t forgive and i can’t blame them at all. best case scenario they accept the death of “fandom” and continue yt for casual fans
yep my thoughts exactly. i find it very hard to see ANYONE as irredeemable, although i do think people who are abusive don't deserve audiences where they have access to vulnerable fans
#at the moment i find it hard to condemn drm or sap#with everything out in the open it still feels like their worst crimes r being grgs friends#to me. it seems like he made a terrible terrible mistake#and theres nothign he can do to fix it except improve himself and do all he can to help the women he affected#it really does come down to him owning up to it and consciously changing#and before i get called a hypocrite#id say the same thing about ccs like wilbur- they can improve#but that doesnt mean they should have an#audience#idk im still trying to sort out all my thoughts honestly#open to discussion just pls be kind this is a sensitive subject for me#cw abuse#cq.asks
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bcuz im living closer to her now my mom has been trying to insert herself back into my life and like. whatever i will accept her free labour in the form of washing dishes for me or cleaning the bathtub but when she starts texting me at midnight asking if i want gas station snacks bcuz she's in the area..... girl we're not going this. we BOTH know this isn't happening. cmon
#and it's funny bcuz my dad alwaaaays did this to my older sister when she was a teenager (her stepdad)#it didnt work 15 years ago it isn't gonna work now!!! and anyway there's nothign she can really do for me im just being nice#but like. It's not happening. its not gonna go back to how it was before just bcuz the hard part of parenting is over#im still severely mentally ill mother!!!!#because of YOU!!!!!#txt
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mean girls was not as bad as i thought it would be
#i thought it would be worse but i was just mesmerized by renee rapp the entire time#i think the trailers didnt do her enough justice she played regina so well lol#nothign really compares to the first but i still think its pretty good#sunny rambles
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I've had MULTIPLE schoolmates tell me they assumed Im a dealer and/or that I smoke because my backpack has weed motifs... WHAT. the actual potheads asked me. what the fuck!!!
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not to complain about the same thing over and over and over again but i how am i meant to keep waking up every day wondering if it'll be the last day i get to talk to my best friend before they kill themself
#like. i have no choice but to keep doing it. no matter how bad it stresses me out. i have to and want to stay#but a few more awful things have happened in their life and today they said 'i think i'm just going to die'#so i panicked and begged them not to and like#really urged them to call a help line or something#and i know they're not great but if there's a city specific one (which i was going to help them find) maybe they could help direct them#to resources or something that can help in the short term#and they 1) shot me down and 2) said 'i'm not trying to freak you out'#YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND#AND YOU FOLLOWED THAT UP IMMEDIATELY WITH 'life is genuinely not worth living and hasn't been for a long time so why am i still here'#HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT#nothign i say or do will help or can help all i can do is sit here and beg that something changes that fucking anything changes#that they live they find reasons to live that they get to be happy#fuck please oh my god anything#every day they tell me they want to kill themselves and one day it's going to happen#what the fuck am i supposed to do#open up
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#bruhhhh im literally doing the same things to my current friend group that i did to people in high school bruhhh#how do u stop the cycle </3 it is endless#at the very least now i am awARE#but the awareness doesnt hit until im out of the actual social situations#within the moment i feel quite overwhelmed and excluded no matter what i do#i think for me its harder cuz im just also more introverted#so other people might see my quietness as like idk oh maybe she doesnt wanna talk right now#while im seeing things as why am i not being talked to right now :((#its hard i want to show up for my friends a lot of them are graduating#but every group social event makes me feel more and more alone and i have stopped being able to control my emotions in the moment#like just the knowledge of like#if theres only space for 2 people on a sidewalk i'll be that third person trailing behind#and like its always me#groups of three make me uncomfortable#i dont have the confidence to insert myself in a group of two like ever#which is part of the problem for sure#and its like im quiet so even if i insert myself it'll just be me doing NOTHIGN#and saying NOTHIGN#which like ACHK#been getting bad at fighting these thoughts more and more by the day#the onLY thing thats different is my logical side she is#way louder than she used to be before i just gotta learn how to listen to her#in the MOMENT#its always afterwards where shes like told ya so#im doing more for myself too now though really really dont want life to repeat itself for the nth time#seeing a therapist rn who feels a lot better than my previous ones so im holding out hope#told me to list things i like about myself and i was like uhh how about things i value <3#and she was like no LSDKJF#its so tricky cuz like the things i value i dont even necessarily like about myself#i value honesty but honesty if misdelivered stings and i think ive done that one too many times
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spl*toon fans would literally die pissing themselves and crying if they got into rhythm games if this is how people are reacting about japan getting a cooler thing again
#blurry speaks#they're all shitting themselves over the fact that jp is getting a cool spl*tfest and region locked merch#like. yeah. the game thats infinitely more popular in japan is getting more focus in japan LMAO#it has nothign to do with 'oh but they have plenty of money they could just bring it over to the states anyway!!'#like?? is this your first time??#if you really want the new merch than wait for it to start popping up on ebay or a proxy service#yes it will be more expensive. but THATS JUST HOW IT IS IF YOU WANT TO GET INTO MEDIA THAT HAS MOST OF ITS SHIT RELEASED IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
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school starts tkmrowo maybi i should leanr how to us e this app (it is 2am ignore my horrid tyoign plz)
#im sick but i still have to go#school is a scam wtf!!!#i do NOT wanna go#anyways i wanna rant abt my system facety thjngies but idk#i know systems get made fun of a lot i dont want that to happen to me#i dont think it will like 3 accounts that arent bots follow me lmfao#whatever i will do thr ramty thjgn#uhhhdmgjd so basixally my facets are not subsystem moemtn like i thogjt#but they ar e uhhh me but also not me ??@?#yeah its lrlly confusinh i dont rlly umderstand it#i sowmtimws confuse them for kintypes#the facets are sometimes emotions but also other things#i have a really weird one named catalyst#i know nothign abt it its very weird#idk maybi i will talk more abt tjhis tomrow after school heheheheheuejejeie
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you ever reach that point of miserable that you don't even want to feel better anymore?
i think i've hit that point
#Lunney's Ramblings#vent#there's never any way out of any problem#and there always another problem#being perfectly honest here a lot of the time i wish i just wouldn't wake up the next day. i think it'd be better.#theres nothign here but suffering and misery and then you die and nothing you did or didn't do matters#im really tired. im exausted. mentally physically i jsut want this to eb over. i dont even want help at this point#i just dont want to be here anymore
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anyway i really do very strongly dislike my one coworker she just has this very bossy way about her and if you don't do things to her exact specifications she completely flips and belittles you but like it's in a very subtle way so that you can't really complain about it or go to HR and she talks bad about literally everyone in the office behind their back and it is so wild bc in no other situation in my life would i put up with this (from a friend or significant other) but i have to spend most of my working hours with this person
#like it makes me feel exactly the way i did when i got bullied when i was younger#like where it was subtle so i couldn't really do anything but also i just knew it did not feel good and#it takes me back to a really bad place where like there's nothign i can do#anyway if anyone has advice on dealing with this i would appreciate it#work tag
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