#note: this is not the plot of next to normal. the husband's song here doesnt directly parallel these things

[abimee]

i realize i need to post more stuff outside of my discord. anyway do you all wanna hear about my hades and azem dynamic

as with all things i love connecting althaea to next to normal. for reasons weve already discussed. but ive never really elaborated much on althaea's relationship with hades which is that of childhood friends but hades keeps creating his own wedge because he cant possibly fathom that he could be a problem for althaea because he sees himself as a sort of. not a protector but more like someone whos been with her so long that hes ''in this'' ?(whatever that may be) with her, a sort of ''weve both been walking the same way for so long that were partners in crime now'', but especially later on when the zodiark stuff starts happening and althaea starts going insane hades struggles to fathom that althaea is her own person with her own thoughts and decisions, purely because althaea feels betrayed by hades' choice in the convication matter, and when hades tries to have his cake (go against althaea's beliefs) and eat it too (stay her friend) he cant fathom why its making everything sort of horrible. Like okay this is based a chunk off of ''i am the one'' which in itself a whole thing but like. okay three steps back

this is going to be a 2 am tangent for sure [11:08 PM] okay so to unweave the woven thread of hades and althaea we need to head all the way back to near-childhood

althaea met hades when they were incredibly young: hades often was visiting there due to schools and what his parent did and so he was coralled to be with the only other child on the floating islands, who was althaea (minthe never came out of her room). I think emet is only a few years older than althaea (when shes 42 hes 46), so they meet when althaea is around 4 and hes 8; he originally didnt like her very much and hated being tied to a ''child'' (he always tried to play the mature older kid thing), while althaea was heavily fascinated by him and often tried to get him to talk to her. He spent a good chunk of time trying to just keep her out of his hair and ignore her, even going so far as to push her away or try to ''scare her off'' by getting in her face/acting really rude, but althaea didnt take no unless being clearly told no, and despite it all hades never Truly told her no/to back off ---- this is a common thing hades does, of acting one way but believing something else entirely, which will bite him in the ass eventually in other ways [11:18 PM] regardless, while ahdes never ''gives in'' in his eyes, he does start to actually ''''tolerate'''' althaea, including letting her tell him about the bugs shes seen and dragging him all over the place and trying to get him to play games she entirely made up but believe every child in amaurot plays Althaea, having no other kids to make friends with, and Hades, knowing she doesnt have any friends, do eventually become ''friends'', and when hades is old enough even makes the trips to elpis on his own to visit althaea more routinely, typically around age 10-11 while hades is liked within his schooling and amicable with others, his constant travelling to visit althaea makes it hard for him to maintain any other friendships (so he says), when really althaea doesnt ''need'' him to visit so often --- it becomes more for him than for her at some point, as despite how well-liked he is, he himself rarely makes the effort to make friends, and often relies on others approaching him to befriend him, and to expect them to get over his crusty exterior personality, which often makes most friendships fail and for him to be left to himself the only other friend he makes obvs is hythlodaeus, who did similar to althaea of basically getting into his space and refusing to leave unless hades explictly said so, which he never does; hes a magnet for people someone who weaponizes his self-percieved/created ineptitude (hythlodaeus) and someone who is genuinely inept (althaea)

through these formative years (him 8-14, althaea 4-10) for hades althaea grows to be his closest friend, and this is also when althaea is finally able to enter into amaurot/come down to the star for an education on behalf of venat and her mother, which means althaea is now visiting him while he is beginning his more rigorous educational advancement; he gets considered pretty early for something non-convicational, and gets a mentor who he follows alongside his studies. This is also when Althaea's flights of grandeur are pretty bad because a sudden change in enviroment has agitated a manic upswing, and through a series of events althaea basically flings herself off a basically swingset setup while hades isnt looking and cracks her head clean open on the landing hades, who is the only one there to witness this, has to deal with cradling althaea's head in his hands as her blood smears all over her face and drips into his lap, and he has to actually do something rather than just call for an adult, and carries althaea to the nearest sidewalk in hopes that someone will spot them (which luckily happens). Althaea has no memory of this event as the concussion caused an amnesiac episode that lead her to never recall what happened that day, and she makes a full recovery (the wound was thankfully no deeper than skin, and healed spotlessly). This did however leave a traumatic memory for Hades as he had to witness althaea laying on the ground with blood coming from her head, and that he remembers the feeling of its warmth in his hands, and that hes the only one who remembers --- not to mention the only one who tries to continously ''jog'' althaea's memory for it, while everyone tries to make him stop and to just pretend it never happened, since althaea doesnt remember. This will be the first case of hades' oncoming dynamic of often feeling like the ''only one'' who was there for althaea, or one who ''knows everything''

if you recall though, this is not the only time that althaea has been put in harms way: later she'll be chased by an animal in the woods on an escapade with venat and her sister minthe, and minthe had to protect her against said animal with her own body until venat caught up to them. This is a memory althaea Does recall, but Minthe does not put it on althaea nor make it a ''moment/memory'' minthe feels she needs althaea to recall herself to assuage minthe's own feelings on it. Minthe's trauma of this experience is only relative, but her own, and unlike Hades she does not require her sister to constantly confirm/affirm her savior-complex; Minthe is willing to take this burden onto herself without having to feel the ''satisfaction'' of althaea ''knowing'' shes shouldering this burden. If it makes sense, Hades in a way is always looking to be affirmed that he is caring for althaea/that he is burdening himself for her sake, like a need to be seen for his ''selfless'' act here, which doesnt manifest much elsewhere; while hes a standoffish person, he does have his intentions for his people, but specifically with althaea a sort of need of self-gratification manifests for reasons hes not fully sure of for a good chunk of time (but which will be realized later)

anyway. This is a sort of declaring moment in his life where besides all of that (the need to be affirmed that he is being self-burdening for althaeas sake), he does truly care for her. Theyre best friends forever by the time they hit their teens, and of course theres the entire thing with Althaea's treatment of her bipolar that ive chronicalled in here

so i think during thsi time where althaea is getting treatment hades feels sort of ''shut out'', as althaea is heavily barred post-treatement and basicaly only sees her family, the medical students, and venat; hythlodaeua and hades dont see her much this time, and when they do it's when althaea has undergone convulsive shock therapy and is having her ''eerily normal'' moment with amnesiac symptoms, and this randomly sort of sets off hades --- hes known althaea for years at this point, probably around 10-12 years (relative to amaurotine time), and he /knows/ althaea; he knows her as the flightly, crazy, fast-talking, imaginative, strange, colorful child who always had something to say and barely any time to say it and who had so much knowledge for the most random things yet struggled to recall basic concepts and often relied on others to help her out. To see his best friend suddenly….. be someone Else, someone who was quieter and calmer and spoke rationally and made eye contact and remembered her manners and the little details you told her last week felt… off. And hades couldnt help but partially make this about himself, not outwardly but definitely inwardly: he had no idea what was going on with his best friend, what they were doing to her in there and whaty these ''treatements'' were, and now a complete stranger was calling herself althaea and there was nothing he could do, him, the person whos supposed to be there for althaea and know everything about her and be her support, is now shut out and is now the one in the dark, who doesnt have any idea what happened, just like althaea not remembering the utter mental scar her bloodied head put into hades, and theres nobody he can talk to about this because this is althaea's ''choice'' and her life, hes all alone without even the one person whos /always/ there actually being /there/ --- althaea might be present, but this treatment ''took her away''

If we remember, this ''self'' of althaea was named Iphicles by althaea herself afterwards, but this information was never brought up to Hades. To him, Iphicles is a stranger that althaea was briefly, when he was ''abandoned'' and left alone in the dark while althaea goes through her treatement. I think Hades finds out eventually about what happened between althaea and her mother, and the fact that she was going under electroshock therapy, as when althaea was taken ''off'' this treatement and they awaited their relapse althaea was kept at home, but she was allowed visitors, of which is where hades finally gets to learn and be ''let in'', but this too is also a sort of mental scar for himself, one of the ''moments'' of althaea that he keeps in his mind always; the few months where the althaea he knew was taken away, and he was abandoned by her for ''going'' Like he is there for her in her relapse post-treatement cancelling, but it's one of those things that he feels hes forced to just ''move on'' from as this wasnt ever his fight, but it still had an effect on him, and the fact that he was once again (willingly) being burdened with caring for althaea, and he wants to be noticed for this, i guess in a way he wants to be seen as someone who carries a heavy weight, while also self-gratifying in that he is willingly taking this on. A sort of cognitive dissonance of ''people need to see how im burdening myself with caring for this ill child''/''i care for this person deeply and want to help her and be there for her''. A selfish/selfless double-side that he has that he never reconciles which, like a bunch of stuff im mentioning, WILL bite him in the ass later Post-relapse, when Althaea is back to being herself and she can finally ''move on'' with her plans to become the next azem, hades eventually condenses their friend circle together as Hythlodaeus hes been friends with althaea for a while and didnt realize that hades knew her as well, and in their teens they all begin to move as a unit; while hades is still studying under a mentor and about to head to one of the anyders, hythlodaeus is picked up by the current chief architect to study under her and potentially become an architect as well, while althaea is still following venat around and gaining experiences for a possible future as the next azem

during this time (their teens to mid-20s) hades is a steadfast friend and confidant to althaea, and by this point (their 20s) theyve known each other for two decades (amaurotine relative) and are practically an inseperable bond; hades has seen althaea at her highest and lowest, both in the traumatic sense and in that hades was there for when althaea went to the ocean for the first time, submitted her very first concept, came down with a horrible flu, cut her hair, tripped and broke her elbow, etc --- he was even a sort of confidant for hythlodaeus when they reveal that he has developed feelings for althaea, and is there to witness althaea and hythlodaeus start a relationship. He was there when althaea completed her apprenticeship, he was there when she was bestowed the seat of Azem, was there when she got married to hythlodaeus, was there to help her through every step not to mention like, emotionally. He was there for every manic high and euthymic limbo and dysphoric depression, was there when she'd lock herself in her bedroom and run through the pouring rain and when she stayed up until the sun rose developing 100 different types of ants, was there when she started having chronic night terrors or when she had a brief issue with her stomach he was even there when althaea had the ectopic pregnancy that nearly killed her but she herself chose to ''go through'' with it, hades and halmarut being the two to bear witness to althaea bleeding out on the tile floor as her body got ''rid'' of it

when the convocation tries to get althaea back onto some sort of medication, Hades is one of the major encouragements for it --- and this might seem strange, as when he was younger he didnt like the althaea that was when she was on the shock therapy, but the difference is that hades had matured and thought himself outgrown from the petty notions and ignorance he lived in as a kid ---- decades upon decades (amaurotine time, relative speaking they are in their 40s right now) of time with althaea and growing up had made him begin to wonder if perhaps althaea can have a better life if she re-try the treatement that pre-dated the shock therapy, if there was possibly a chance that althaea could be ''helped'', as hades goals switched from not just being ''there'' to take her burden, but to possibly alleviate/remove it entirely. The treatement, minus shock therapy, seems genuinely viable, and in hsi darkest moments he even thinks about a world where althaea was just slightly like that person he saw when they were younger --- if perhaps althaea would have a happier life is she was just a ''bit more normal'' like ''the rest of them''

this is the main meat of the sort of tension that arises when theyre grown: Hades had developed his ideas and ways of thinking, and while hes always seen althaea as at least partially an ''outsider'', as hades is ultimately a comformist to amaurotine ideals, he thought himself a sort of ''charitable'' person: again, that he ''burdens'' himself with loving and caring for this ''outsider'', this ''unwell'' deviance of societal norms --- much older now, hades has developed a sense that this can be corrected, that this doesnt have to 'be', that the treatement althaea experienced beforehand was traumatic and horrible, but theyve 'worked on it' and it can find 'alternative solutions'. At the end of the day, no matter how much hades is doing this with good intentions, similar to his stance with hermes, he sees behavior outside of the normal as something that can possibly be surpressed/altered/'treated', and that it would do the person good to help them 'overcome' this. Essentially, even though hades does care for althaea, he ultimately believes that it would be better if they were cured, or that what they have is always a burden [turns around] this is also partially developed because hades does ultimately form what he considers an attraction to althaea. It was a sort of inevitability that he would fall in love with her, at least he tells himself such, and so part of this thought process is the idea that if althaea could get 'better', then they could be 'happy' together. If you're curious how this works wrt her being married to hythlodaeus: althaea leads a very strange life, and while hades doesnt encroach on their marriage, it is also known that her ectopic pregnancy was between her and hermes and not her and hythlodaeus. she is not polymarous but she has also never cheated. Enjoy that anecdote as i return to the main point anyway Through all of this --- the pain, the concussion, the electroshock, the pregnancy, the near-deaths, the highs and lows, hades has always been there. ever since she was a little thing was he there, and hes planned on being there until the end ---- that is, until the first final days strikes and they have to develop a plan to subvert it, which eventually becomes the Zodiark project Hades of course is all for it. Althaea, of course, is entirely against both it and Venat's idea of sundering the star

but back to it. and this song

Hades is very firm in that Zodiark is what needs to happen, while Althaea is so firmly against it that she feels betrayed by everyone who agrees to it. This is due to a multitude of reasons, including the fact it sacrifices concepts and amaurotines, the fact that she feels theres another way the convication isnt seeing, and the fact that it requires her close friend elidibus to become its heart (as mitron refused loghrif being made it), and the fact that she feels powerless to stop any of this She eventuallty comes to flee her seat entirely and ''go missing'', but for the first few weeks of the plan developing Althaea sticks around, but she is so overcome with a sense of being betrayed by those she kept close that she quite literally cuts everyone off --- she tells Hades to his face that she cant look at him anymore for his choice and that she doesnt want him to ever contact her anymore which just absolutely sends this guy into a fit, like an astronomical one (as depicted in this song) ^, because how dare Althaea just burden him for all these years and then decide to just walk away from Him, to throw away all of his hard work and all the years he spent by her side, how dare Althaea make a choice for herself and not consider all that Hades had been put through for her --- he essentially in this moment devolves down into ''i willingly did all of these things you never asked me to do, you owe me to stay''

Hades never considered that he could ever do Althaea wrong, that Althaea would make her own choice, it sort of all comes out that Hades' perception of Althaea was a helpless, mentally ill deviant of society that should be greatful that someone like him loved and cared for her so much, and that she cant just leave him now and be her own person with her own choices, she has to come back here and recognize that he put so much time and effort into caring for her, someone so difficult to love, and that he needs to be rewarded for it, that he cant experience the reprocussions of his defensive personality and that he kept visualizing himself as a sort of protector/carer for althaea, and that he never developed an idea of althaea independent to his care

So althaea making a choice, to put her foot down and say to hades that shes leaving is unfathomable to him, hes spent Decades loving her and hes just being left in the dark again? As if althaea knew any of this, which she never did, because he never opened up about his feelings and so just intentionally burdened himself, and now feels owed But Althaea doesn't budge: for once in her life she is making a choice all her own, and while hades is unable to accept the consequences of his choices, Althaea is ready to accept hers, knowing shes ostracising herself from her major supports and is essentially being ''let loose'': but this is her choice, and she wants to have a choice in life already, she wants people to stop choosing for her and deciding everything without her, she doesnt hate elidibus for choosing to become the heart but instead for everyone else for choosing this path and forcing elidibus' hand for his people, she hates that this world Chooses for others, concept and man, and that theres so much that doesnt get a Choice, that she rarely gets them, that the few choices she got in life she had to physically kick and scream and fight for, that someone so close to her like hythlodaeus and hades and venat would spend so many years Choosing for her but then when she wants to make her own choice the option isnt there, she knows theres another way but nobody is letting Her Choose

so she makes a choice distinctly her own, and throws away everything shes ever had with the three of them: they all mean nothing to her, and she's going off to make her own choices and defy them, to prove that she wants to make her own decisions and all that it entails; its not that she wants to be right, she just wants to feel like she agrees with what shes doing, she wants to feel like a person that others are listening to instead of just hearing This, of course, makes hades ungodly amounts of angered, but this isnt his choice, and for once he is forced to reconcile that the point of loving someone is to respect their choice, even if it means not choosing you, and that he cant force althaea to Do anything he says --- she is her own person, and He chose to be by her side, and now hes made his choice, and he is experiencing the consequences of what he chose anyway we know the rest of that story. peace and love <3

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 45 - watching notes

I'm at this stage of fandom rn where it's really hard to concentrate on anything else 😅

Every song I listen to gets dissected for how it relates to wangxian

I need to concentrate on my thesis but instead I'm pondering how the untamed raises questions about collectivism vs individualism and how my western perception of that might differ greatly from a native chinese person or even the author's intention

Can't I just write my thesis about THAT?

Alas, I digress ...

Back to our regular programming :D

Last time one Sophie watches the untamed wwx went all Sherlock on us and used his formidable skills of deduction to expose Backpfeifengesicht's plan of killing everyone and blaming it on wwx

I've heard from several people that the next few episodes are their favourites, so no high expectations at all :D

Nobody wipes the blood on their chins away. Might be about the aesthetic

I adore detective-duo-wangxian so much!! Especially because wwx does 99% of the talking but then lwj will chime in with a single word and it's 100% devastating :D

If anyone knows any well written case-fics for these two, please, I need recs! (For after the show)

Backpfeifengesicht makes good one point and that is that jgy already is at the top of the cultivation world. So what does he gain from all this?

Or is it simply that he's afraid of wwx because he's a rebel and might act against him? (Don't answer that. I wanna find out through the show ;))

Wwx just casually revealed that he's been to cloud recess and that he handles went to the restricted section forbidden chamber. What will you do about, Lan Qiren? Huh? 😂

Oooh! Backpfeifengesicht is the ghosted faced man! I thought it was Jiggy himself!!! 😱

That makes way more sense though!

Lan Sizhui! Jin Ling! Oh you brave boys! 😭

Someone hold me 😭

But why does he not take zidian now? He's done so before!

"You little fool!" Is "I love you" in Jiang-Cheng-speak :D

"We're done for! What can we do??" - wwx *strips*

Sorry

Bahahaha 😂😂😂

I just burst out laughing waaay to loudly for the fact that I've got people sleeping in the room next to mine

But look at Lan Qiren when he sees wwx strop to reveal anat is probably his nephew's undershirt 😂😂😂

He's probably questioning every decision that's let him to this point :D

This is completely inconsequential,but I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore because I every time he makes this motion, it always sends a shiver down my spine!!! Notice that wwx (or rather Xiao Zhan) is one of these people whose fingers bend in the opposite direction??? I know it's just a normal thing some people can do, but I can't watch it!! It makes my fingers hurt just looking at it 🙈🙈🙈

Is he turning himself into a demon lure flag?? 😱

Lan Jingyi 🥺🥺🥺

Also does wwx now just transfer his self-sacrificing tendencies to lwj?

Nothing is as hot as these two together in a fight scene

Jiang Cheng doesn't want to leave them behind. He does care! :') he just never unlearned how to unravel his love from his anger

Sizhui running up to greet his dads :')

Look at them! I'm soft guys 💔

He called him Yuan!! 😭😭😭

So this is it. Any doubts I ever had about Sizhui's identity are gone

Will he finally recognize him??

Why don't you say anything lwj? This one time, I beg you!!

Sect Leader Yao still at his gossip shit even 16 years later 🙄

Lam sizhyi is seasick! Why is this so cute! 😭

Oh Wen Ning!! He recognized A-Yuan? Right?

I want to hug Lan Sizhui for his openness and kindness towards everyone he meets, no matter their status or what other people say about them! (Wen Ning now or who he thought was Mo Xuanyu the supposed mad-man) and I wanna hug lan Wangji right after for raising him to be like this :')

Oh Wen Ning! 😭

That's how I'd look at Sizhui, too, if I met him - poor unadulterated wonder :')

And just think about what that means for Wen Ning! He's not the last of the Wens! All their fight wasn't for nothing. This child, their legacy, survived 😭😭😭

"Can I call you A-Yuan" "Of Course." God I'm gonna burst into tears 😭

I'm actually bursting into tears!!

Isn't this the dream of anyone who has ever lost someone? :')

"He's like a brother and father to me" :')

And he raised him from when he was 4 or 5? So ... A-Yuan was about 2 when the Wens died? Right? Then 5 would fit with lwj's 3 year isolation

Ob god, it's the butterfly-toy!!! 😭😭😭

Wen Nings smiling through his tears! I can't! 😭💔And he's got the one from the market!

Aww, wax isn't wearing the white undergarment anymore. Too bad

Oh poor Jin Ling ...

So much grieve that he could probably never process. There so many lost kids in this story, hurt by things they had no control over 😔

I mean, I get it. That's the person who killed his parents (without being in control, but he doesnt know that) and everyone is just talking to him as if it's normal and that didn't happen. But he can't forget,but he doesnt really understand either and he has no outlet. Of course he'd just ... crash 😥

And who would have thought I'd ever try at a flashback of Jin Zixuan's death :(

For once, it'd be nice if the adults actually acted like the parent figures they're supposed to be and explain things to their children 🤦‍♀️

I'm so thankful though, that no one even thinks of scolding him for crying. Jismg Cheng only asked who it was that made him cry (and looks like he'll kick their ass). Generally, thus show has a very healthy attitude towards tears. Most characters cry when they are faced with tragedy, regardless of gender. Men being allowed to have appropriate reactions to grieve (instead of a single men tear or just punching things) is really nice to see

Oh Yao dude whose courtesy name I can't remember, shut up!

Thanks Ouyang Zizhen! You get me

I live for these children standing up to their elders

Meanwhile Nie Huaisang is just on the sidelines, enjoying the show :D never change!

The Lotus Pier theme song alone is making me cry rn 😢

Why can't wen Ning come in?

Oh Sizhui!

He many times do you want to make me cry happy tears today?? :')

Little turnip-baby ❤

But why doesn't lwj say anything ??? 😭

Lan Wangji raised A-Yuan smong a bunch of rabbits??? 😭

Now he's a turnip baby with a taste for carrots, how cute is that? :')

Holy shit, wwx and lwj are really joined at the hip these days of lwj won't enter the hall if wwx isn't allowed to :D

Lwj 😑 "no misbehaviour"

Someone. Knows. Their. Husband.

Okay sorry, but as painful as these cuts must have been and yes, while you do see scars on this prostitute's face, they in no way warrant these horrified gasps as of they had all seen a monster 🙄

Xue yang. Fancy seeing you here in this not at all disturbing sub-plot 😬

Okay that's creepy. That's really creepy

Shouldn't Jin Guangyao have a bit more compassion for these women?

On the other hand, he was born to menacingly stand behind a curtain 🤷‍♀️

W. T. F. ????

Jin Guangshan??? o___O

That's the most skin we've ever seen on this show and it's in a scene like THIS? 😬

THIS IS HOW JIN GUANGSHAN DIED? 😱😱😱

How?

How can you die from sex?

And then jgy made them keep going?

UGH

These poor women :/

So there's someone who set her free on purpose, right?

Bicao has really interesting eyes!

Oh wait, took me some time to catch up. This is about Quin Su and why she killed herself, right?

WHAT??

They were siblings o_O

They just went full game of thrones on this ...

Hey Jin Guangshan, screw you for raping that woman

Wait, is that why jgy had him die like THAT?

I'm so confused about how that happened btw

But why would Jin Guangyao merry quin su anyway? Was this some kind of political marriage that he couldn't call off?

This episode answered some of my questions but raised about a dozen more 😅

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

5 episodes to go. I'm both happy because I can't wait to brows the untamed tag without looking for spoilers and extremely sad 🥺

Right now I'm planning to watch one episode each day until friday and then watch the last two on Saturday, hopefully quite early, so I can spend the rest of the day crying my eyes out over it, without having to worry about such trivial things as being a functioning adult or a responsible student 😅