#note to self: make an oc who's not a fuckin criminal sometime

[pentacass]

Barbie and Ken mugshot meme but with your oc pairs.

I'm sure there might be more but concernerd barbie=aneril, shit eating grin ken =rey.

HERE WE GO!!! (milah art by hana-blogs)

From our Very Serious Discussion™:

Rey is literally getting her mugshot done for fun cos she has a 'get out of jail free' card for murder from the government and never gets to go to jail 😔

Ayrenn has diplomatic immunity but we all know she would insist on getting her mugshot done or trick her jailers into doing it

[itsthejuggernautbitch]

Dissolve - Colossus/OC

Alright, y’all. Finally. I rewrote this intro so many times. Here’s the first section, with an ao3 link for readability. The section is under the cut.

(Side note: y’all have NO IDEA how hard it was for me to type you both instead of y’all.)

Negasonic was having a great fucking day, as she usually did on Friday’s, when she got the super fun call that some little mutant kid on the other side of the city decided to pitch a bitch fit and flood three city blocks. Fridays at the mansion were quiet - no one wants to do bad things on a Friday. It's Friday, for goodness sake. Go on a date, take your kids to the park, go to a bar. Do something that's not blatantly criminal.

From the sound of the call, it looked like the mutant kid had broken out of the Ice Box on transfer. And no, the kid couldn’t have flooded the streets with clean sink water, or water from the pond in the park. You know, something simple and not-disgusting. That would have been too easy. No, the kid thought it would be funny to flush out the sewers and influence every septic tank within a mile radius to simultaneously explode. Nevermind how the kid had even gotten his collar off. Apparently no one had been able to figure that one out yet.

It’s not like Negasonic was going on a date tonight or anything.

She was already nervous, but she definitely wasn’t going to meet Yukio now, not if she was going to have to wade through sewage on the heels of her eight-foot-tall Man-of-Steel mentor who just had to make it a priority to talk to the kid personally about personal responsibility. Can’t exactly have a fun date when you smell like literal shit, and some smells just don't come out after three consecutive showers.

Negasonic almost felt bad for the kid. She’d gotten the Personal Responsibility speech a handful of times (mostly because she sometimes couldn't turn off the sarcastic tone in her voice), and while she loved her mentor dearly (not that she would ever say it out loud), Colossus tended to get a little preachy after the first few sonnets of poetic justice. She almost felt bad for the kid, before she remembered that she was going to be drudging through an ocean of shit to reach him because he just had to cause a scene. On a Friday.

Student and mentor stood at the edge of the poop lake, staring out into the street full of sewage was expressions of disgust that were oddly similar - the kind of similarity that only comes from lifelong familiarity. It was absolute bedlam; fire hydrants were gushing, manholes had been displaced from the sheer force of the gushing sewage, water was leaking out from under door frames. The unmistakable sound of scores of toilets flushing at the same time droned on under the honking of car alarms. Negasonic caught the sound of gentle retching coming from her mentor, who tried to hide the coughing behind his huge fist but failed. Poor guy could barely deal with the sight of blood, much less a lake of poop water.

“Can’t we get Wade to do this? He smells worse than this on a daily basis anyway,” Negasonic asked, hiding the smell-and-taste parts of her face behind her gloved hand. She practically had to yell to be heard.

“That is true, but unfortunately not. He - uh,” Colossus coughed again, wetly, then took a deeper breath than he really meant to, “he left for Japan on mission last night. Besides - this builds character.”

There was more of a question mark than a period on the end of that sentence. Even with all his teacherly conviction, Colossus didn’t really believe it.

“It’d be really helpful if one of us could fly…”

“Indeed,” Colossus replied, beckoning his student onward. “Come, Negasonic. The quicker we find the boy, the quicker we go home.”

It was, at that oddly opportune moment, a great time for a jet to drift in past the line of buildings. It hovered past the treetops and streetlamps and came to land in the little park quite near where they were standing. Technological marvel that it was, it hardly disturbed the grass as it landed, which was a blessing because it was disconcertingly close to the sewage. Negasonic was not often excited to see the X-Jet, but in this case, she would make an exception. Hopefully, it was someone coming to bail them out, because this whole situation was just… yikes.

The door of the jet came down, and Negasonic sent up a silent vibe of thank fuck to whatever deity may have been listening.

The cleanup crew stepped out - a handful of X-men whose powers didn’t translate well in combat but had mission-worthy uses. There were ten or so of them - just a small faction responsible for cleaning up the areas around the mishaps that tended to befall the X-men. They were usually sent to take care of the aftermath of large-scale disasters. And out of that cleanup crew came one of the very few people on Negasonic’s people-who-don’t-suck list (Wade and Colossus were both on it too, not that she’d ever tell them), Suraya Josephs, known as Metanite. If Negasonic actually wrote out her list of people-who-don’t-suck, Metanite would be at least pretty close to the top.

Negasonic was not easily intimidated. Her attitude came hand-in-hand with being an almost-adult teenager with too many responsibilities to handle. And yet, even Negasonic could admit that if Metanite were a complete stranger, she’d have to look the other way. Metanite’s defense form was a vaguely smudgy, jet-black humanoid with smoldering, empty eyes. She was difficult to look at, and consequently emanated a vibe of creeping terror.

But Metanite wasn’t a complete stranger, so Negasonic at least tried look. Tried being the operative word. Fuck, she looked creepy.

As the mutant woman stepped onto the grass, the overwhelming creeping dread set into Negasonic’s bones. Negasonic squirmed; she caught Colossus fidget out of the corner of her eye. It was the most gentle feeling of terror she’d ever experienced, like her heart might crawl out of her chest; it was a secondary effect of Metanite’s defense form, she’d been told, which made it difficult to assign the mutant woman to a team or a mentee. It was difficult for anyone to look at her before she disengaged.

Metanite caught the uncomfortable stares and looked down at her hands. “Oh, I’m sorry, you two! Let me fix that. The rest of the crew is used to it.”

The feeling of dread ebbed as Metanite shifted into a human form; her usual smiling self was left standing where the smudgy humanoid had been. She strode on over, surveying the sewage disaster with a measure of disgust.

“You know, from the air this looks like a giant brown lake appeared in the middle of the city. It’s stretching, like, four blocks now” she said, grimacing at the smell. “We got pulled off of another scene on the outskirts of Atlanta to come back and take care of this.”

Negasonic caught Colossus fidgeting again out of the corner of her eye, but she was pretty certain it wasn’t because the big man was still retching from the smell. She held her hand over her nose, trying not to breathe through her mouth. "What's going on in Atlanta?"

"We're not really sure, but there's several human limbs left lying around. We found teeth embedded in a tree. It's quite morbid. We're thinking some people with regeneration factors got in a fight."

Negasonic would've liked to see that, actually. Nevertheless, she'd really like to get the current mess out of the way. “So, do we need to go find the kid?”

Metanite shrugged. “I would suggest letting us get this cleaned up before you bother, unless you just really want to wade through this mess.”

Negasonic would rather have every single one of her fingernails peeled off with a cheese grater than have to walk in this mess. She assumed that her mentor probably felt the same way.

Colossus, finally, spoke up. He folded his arms over his chest. “The boy will not get far, not with everyone watching for him.”

“Yeah, you’ve got all of us here,” Metanite said. “If we see happen to see him, I’ll handle him.”

Negasonic, personally, would not want to have to be handled by Metanite. She felt a little bad for the kid now. “He’d have to be around here somewhere if this is still spreading.”

Colossus nodded. “He is near. We will be watching for him as well.”

“Well, you’re welcome to take the jet. We’ll be here for a while,” Metanite replied. She handed him the access card for the jet. “I’ll call you when we’ve got this under control.”

“I look forward to your call,” Colossus said, taking the card from her. He looked as though he wished he’d worded that differently as soon as he’d said it. If Metanite noticed, she didn’t show it. “I - we do. We look forward to your call. We will handle it.”

Negasonic fought back the ensuing snort. That was one of the least-subtle things she thought he'd ever said, and she'd seen him ignore his feelings for years now. Watching her mentor tiptoe around the woman he liked was excruciating, but she got a good laugh out of it. For such a business-minded man, he sure did get awkward quick.

Metanite grinned. “You always do. I’ll see you both in a little while.”

She headed off towards the group gathering at the edge of the mess. Some of her team looked human, some decidedly not. There were a couple of vibrantly-colored humanoids, a couple covered in fur, one with proboscis-like appendages attached to his head. They were all huddled together in a tight wad around a display screen, looking at something that Negasonic couldn’t see from her angle.

Metanite stopped abruptly and turned around before she reached the group. “By the way, you two, this is my last mission. I’ll be returning to the mansion as a teacher.”

She looked quite pointedly at Colossus before she turned around and ran off to join her team. Colossus followed her movements, mouth set in its usual hard line, but his eyes belied his hard face. He watched her retreating back with an almost doe-eyed stare, causing Negasonic to have to fight off another ensuing snort. Fuckin’ nerd. She - and the literally everyone else in the mansion - had been bothering him to say something for years, but he just wouldn't do it. Negasonic suspected it was because Metanite was pretty much never there, always off on some clean-up mission.

And yeah, Negasonic could understand being wary about it. It's hard to have a relationship when one person is almost never home. But Colossus is Colossus, and if anyone could deal with that like a real adult, it would be him. If he'd ever say anything.

Colossus pulled himself out of his reverie and clapped Negasonic on the shoulder, causing her knees to shake. “We will wait for them to take care of this. Come, let’s get away from the smell.”

At least, Negasonic surmised, maybe she wouldn’t have to bleach her entire body before her date tonight. Someone else could trudge through that mess.