#note to self use .05 not .06 next time

[entans]

sweet venom for studio choom

[angelsanarchy]

Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 05 -> CH 06

"Didn't you say you had already befriended your neighbors daughter?" "I'd hardly call us friends. She doesn't know I'm crazy yet."

Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @thatsthewrongwallcraig @icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl

"How is your sleep? Is it leveling out or are you still experiencing fatigue?" Jack stretched out in front of the computer screen and yawned.

"It's still weird. Some days I'm too exhausted to function. Other days I work my ass off to clear out the house but when I finally lay down, I just can't shut my mind off." Jack explained.

"What goes through your mind when you find yourself unable to sleep?" Jack rolled his eyes.

"Everything...nothing at all...I think about what I might do the next day or working on the book but then I'm too exhausted to even sit in the chair." Jack was growing annoyed with how his meds made him like a zombie. His brain was far too developed to not be able to use it during the day time.

"How about your appetite? Are you eating regularly?" Jack hated having to explain that he was miserable because his body required these meds to stay sane.

"Not as often as I should. Most of that is because I haven't done the grocery shopping yet. I have to put in an order." Jack listened to the hum come from the doctor.

"Have you thought about maybe going to the grocery store? Getting out among the people just to explore." Jack laughed.

"Yeah I'm not sure I have the energy for that. Maybe if I go late at night but I don't want to mingle just yet." Jack couldn't imagine having to walk through the grocery store having people stare at him or offer condolences that are empty and way too late. He wouldn't mind running into Y/n but that's a different story.

"Didn't you say you had already befriended your neighbors daughter?" Dr. Carty questioned making notes.

"I'd hardly call us friends. She doesn't know I'm crazy yet." Jack explained with a self deprecating laugh.

"You aren't crazy Jack. People live completely normal lives with mental illness. It's like any other illness and you are taking the steps towards a bit more normalcy." Dr. Carty had been with Jack since he checked into the facility. He felt like Jack absolutely needed to be hospitalized for the time he was in order to not only get to the root of his trauma but to allow his brain time to come to terms with it. He recognized all the progress he's made and wanted him to feel proud of that.

"Well how does it feel to interact with someone your own age who isn't a doctor?" Jack shrugged.

"She's fine. I mean we have a really cohesive sense of humor. I think if we did hang out, it wouldn't be awful but I'm pretty sure she's a nurse or something. She wears scrubs whenever she's not in regular clothes and when she's in regular clothes she's usually care-giving for her mom." Dr. Carty laughed making Jack tilt his head.

"You like her." He said confidently.

"What? No! We've had two conversations. That's hardly enough time to develop a liking to anyone." Jack defended.

"Haven't you ever heard of love at first sight?" Now Jack knew the doc was fucking with him.

"Yeah, thankfully I live in the real world. Plus everyone knows it's more like lust at first sight. No one can fall in love just seeing someone. That's based entirely on physical attraction." Jack was more of a pessimist when it came to love and attraction. Plenty of people could be attractive but love is few and far between. Jack can count on one hand how many people he's genuinely loved in his entire life.

"Well is she attractive?" Dr. Carty pressed.

"She's conventionally attractive, yes. I mean she hasn't cured my lack of sex drive but again, we've only spoken twice. I don't think I could fuck even if I wanted to." Jack had known the Doc for long enough that his random bouts of vulgarity didn't make him flinch.

"So you have decent conversation with a pretty woman who can match your intellect and has a dog you enjoy spending time with...She doesn't sound like an awful friend to make. Maybe you should work on that." Jack pushed away from the computer and ran his hands down his face.

"Why? I don't want to ruin anyone else's life. She's clearly a much better person than I am and she's already agreed to let me take the dog for walks on occasion so why risk ruining that with her getting to know me?" Jack genuinely feared letting anyone close at this point. Shanda had been with him since day one and the only person who has gotten a pass is the Doc and that wasn't something Jack asked for but has gotten used to.

"She's not Cleo, Jack." The mention of Cleo knocked the wind out of his chest.

"I know that." Jack whispered timidly before standing from his chair to move to the window.

"Just because you never received closure from her doesn't mean you can't move forward. You have done your part in taking accountability. We knew going into that you might not received the absolution of forgiveness." Dr. Carty himself had reached out to Cleo and was told she didn't care if Jack had dropped dead, she refused to talk to him after having their child cremated alone. Jack had sent a twenty page letter without any sort of response and when he sent a follow up, it was returned to sender.

The few times he dared to check social media, she had erased him from her entire existence. She had a memorial post for the baby but she didn't use his last name. When he accidentally liked one of her posts, he was met with a block on all outlets. Shanda had assured him that she had moved on and was doing better but he held onto that guilt for abandoning her after such a sudden miscarriage.

"What are you thinking Jack?" Doc's voice broke through his thoughts as he stood at the window. He could see Y/n down in her mother's garden watering the flowers and talking to her mom who was sitting in a wheelchair on the porch with Ace in her lap. He didn't need to know Y/n well to see she was a good person.

"The best thing she could do is to stay away from me. I'm just...I don't deserve that again. I wasted it the first time and ruined someone's life. What would I even do if I allowed myself to find that with someone else after Cleo? How do I explain to someone what I did to someone I loved enough to want to marry and start a family with?" Jack's ranting started to make his chest hurt.

"Jack, I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath." Jack became annoyed but did as he was told counting in his head as he took a few deep breaths.

"You need to remember that we are not our mistakes. We all have flaws and blemishes but it's how we right our wrongs that define us. You are not a bad person." Jack opened his eyes feeling a slight burn from squeezing them so tightly. Jack let out a breath before digging in his pocket for a lighter, picking up a cigarette and opening the window abruptly. The daylight made it hard for his eyes to adjust at first but he didn't realize the sound of the window would draw any attention towards him. He was met with Y/n's gaze as he took a deep drag of his cigarette.

"You have to forgive yourself Jack. If you don't let go of that weight, it will drown you." Jack kept his eyes on Y/n as she smiled at him and waved. Jack returned a weak smile, biting his lip.

"I want to...I really do but I just don't think I can." Jack admitted out loud glancing over at the screen to see Dr. Carty was frowning. He hated ending his sessions on a such a negative feeling but he knew he was out of time today. He knew that Doc didn't want to leave him alone with these thoughts so he gave him self work to do over the weekend so it would keep him occupied. Self work always made him roll his eyes because he could knock assignments out easily but whenever he sat down to work on his writing, his mind would be blank. All he wanted to do was figure out how to feel normal again.

[bizarrequazar]

GJ and ZZH Updates — May 5-11 :D

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This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

05-05 → Zhenguoli posted two photo ads [1] [2] featuring Gong Jun.

→ The Instagram posted seven photos of "Zhang Zhehan" running a marathon.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted fifteen photos from the filming of Go Fighting! episode 3. Caption: "The face of an angel, the little devil's lot of clever ideas 😈 Tonight at 9 o'clock, @ Gong Jun Simon uses his strength to subvert the stereotype of 'silly male god' and reaches the peak of 'smart and handsome guy'!"

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a vlog from the filming of Go Fighting! episode 3. Caption: "Something bad is going to happen. Can the green plum extract here 'eat people'? Don’t worry, everything is under the control of the clear and clever @ Gong Jun Simon 😎"

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted nine gifs of him from Go Fighting! episode 3. Caption: "Oops! @ Gong Jun Simon was beaten by green plum extract while passing by! Didn't you agree you're not allowed to become elite?"

→ Go Fighting! episode 3 aired. [full ep with subs]

05-06 → Nothing of note.

05-07 → Gong Jun posted images of a shirt with a photo on it of him in a wig from Go Fighting! episode 3. Caption: "Next time you have a pajama party? Hurry up and print my handsome photos on your xiongdi’s clothes"

→ Tissot posted four photo ads featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ ELLE Men released a teaser photo from their May issue featuring Gong Jun. Caption: "He said that the most important thing for a person is to be self-consistent, and this has been his path to self-consistency in recent years. I hope that I can continue to move forward. It doesn’t mean who I will become, I just hope that I will slowly make progress."

→ ELLE Men released the cover for their issue featuring Gong Jun. Caption: "@ Gong Jun Simon stands in front of us with his usual enthusiasm and clarity. It is easy to read the key words on him, happiness, order, and 'volume'. As a person who likes order and planning, he is somewhere between a 'strong person' and a 'light person'. He understands the expectations he carries, establishes a unique sense of order in his own world, and then takes it step by step." Gong Jun's studio reposted this with the added caption, "Relax and have a degree of self-control. Enjoy the gentle breeze in @ Gong Jun Simon's world."

→ ELLE Men released their photoshoot with Gong Jun. Caption: "This boy who grew up in the urban fireworks of Chengdu has travelled to China's most dynamic cities as an adult and has quickly gained a distinct place among young actors. @ Gong Jun Simon has a lot of expectations from the outside world - as an actor, he can achieve the maturity of his acting skills and the versatility of his roles. This is also his expectation for himself. But he said, step by step, you can't reach a thousand miles without taking small steps. This is the background of diligence and order in his character."

→ Gong Jun posted nine photos from the ELLE Men photoshoot. Caption: "Whether it's strong or light, it's all mine. Thanks @ ELLEMEN" He also posted six of the photos to his Instagram, caption: "I don't really want to shave my head" and six to his Xiao Hong Shu, caption: "Confirmed, yes Pleasant in both shades"

→ ELLE Men posted a video from their shoot with Gong Jun. Caption: "The conversation with @ Gong Jun Simon seemed to be chatting about his career, tight schedule and relaxing vacation within an established framework, but the communication was more like waves. The lowest logic in his heart, the most cherished place in the world he was dragging with him, surged forward."

→ The Instagram posted five photos of "Zhang Zhehan" in a gothic Visual Kei-ish outfit to promote the scam's newest song. The song itself has only a single repeating line of lyrics. Truly a gargantuan amount of effort going into this.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a behind the scenes video from the ELLE photoshoot. Caption: "Jumping inside and outside the frame, and he travels in the dreamy world. @ Gong Jun Simon is suitable for both 'strong' and 'light', every step of the way is pleasant." They posted another to their Douyin (minor flashing lights cw) shortly after. Caption: "Gong Jun unlocks multi-faceted looks and interprets ever-changing charm. Listen to @ Gong Jun Simon’s inner voice."

05-08 → Gong Jun's studio posted an additional nine photos from Gong Jun's ELLE photoshoot. Caption: "Highlights dropped! 📸️ Strong or light, @ Gong Jun Simon wants it all!"

05-09 → PRSR posted a behind the scenes video from Gong Jun's photoshoot for Zhenguoli, highlighting their glasses.

→ The jewelry brand Messika posted five of Gong Jun's photos from the day of his performance with Li Ronghao, highlighting their pieces.

05-10 → Za posted two photo ads [1] [2] featuring Gong Jun.

→ GXG posted a short commercial featuring Gong Jun.

→ Tissot posted four photo ads featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ Messika posted a teaser video for their upcoming endorsement with Gong Jun, to be announced on 05-15.

→ The Instagram posted a video promoting the aforementioned song.

05-11 → Zhang Zhehan's 33rd birthday! 🎂 Below is a collection of fanworks done in celebration. This is of course limited to what I've come across personally, so if you made something and I've missed it please feel welcome to send me a link! Fanart: [1] [2] [3.1] [3.2] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8.1] [8.2] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17.1] [17.2] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] Public screens: [1] [2] [3] Offline events: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] Videos: [1] [2] Twitter space reviewing old candy

→ 🍬 Gong Jun wore a hat with an H on it. [photo]

→ The Instagram posted five photos of "Zhang Zhehan" and five of some scenery. The scam also held a livestream on Instagram with one of the body doubles.

Additional Reading: → Blue's charity drive for Zhang Zhehan's birthday concluded with a total of $7747 CAD in donations, surpassing the goal of $5110! Thank you to everyone who took part 💙

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[choco-pudding]

Space Channel 5 Part 2: Sugoku Sugoi Guide Book p. 022-031 (Translation by @lavoszero and myself. Edits and typesetting by myself)

First half of Report 1.

Imgur link to all of the Sugoku Sugoi Guide Book translations we’ve done thus far.

Plain text below.

[As a note for plain text, [#] indicates a secret input and “x~” are for the holding inputs.]

p. 22

Report 1: Ulala Back in Action!

Location:The Space Symphony 12 People to Rescue, 7 Secret Inputs

The Space Symphony… this is where the whole incident began. It was our mission to get to the bottom of why this mysterious dance gang, the self-declared “Rhythm Rogues,” were invading the ship. …And as to how we, the Space Police, were beaten to the punch by Channel 5. It's still a bit irritating, admittedly…

-

Level 4 Groove 018

Right Left Right Left Woof Woof Woof

p. 23

Travel Guide

Space Symphony · Lounge Space Symphony · Lookout Dome

-

Level 4 Groove 019

Right Right Righ- Righ- Woof Woof Woof

p. 24

Space Symphony · Lounge A

Dancing

Ulala’s Hearts: 7 The intro "Jan, Jan, Jaaan!" has hidden inputs between the second and third beats. After that, the Dance Battle against the Rhythm Rogues finally starts, but it’s pretty low stakes. If you pay attention to the news bulletin, you shouldn’t have any problems with the long input "chu~" parts. By the way, there is a secret input on the “yay,” which will be a frequently reoccurring input later on. Be sure to make note of it. 

Jan, Jan [1], Jaaan [2]

“Whether you like it or not, Dance Battle!”

1.

01 ⇧ ⇧ ⇧ 02 ⇩ ⇩ ⇩ 03 ⇨ ⇦ ⇨ ⇦

2.

04 x x x 05 x x x~ x 06 x~ x x x

-

Level 4 Groove 020

Up Down Down Woof Woof Woof

p. 25

3.

07 ⇧ ⇩ ⇧ ⇩ x x x 08 ⇧ ⇩ ⇧ ⇩ x x x 09 ⇧ ⇩ ⇧ ⇩ x x x 10 ⇧ ⇩ ⇧ ⇩ x~ x

Chalalalalala Yay! [3]

Rescue 019. Money Bags 022. The Heart Woman

-

Level 4 Groove 021

Dow- Down- Down

p. 26

Space Symphony · Lounge B

Shooting

Ulala’s Hearts: 12 This section is for learning the basics of shooting. There's a pattern to it; X for attacking and O for rescuing. Even if you make a few mistakes, you'll still be able rescue plenty of people. Seems like the completion of the character profile index relies on your rescue aim,  but that's not the Eastern Sector Space Police's business. Ah, right, the "whoo!" near the end also has a secret input.

“Use the X button to shoot the robots!”

4.

11 ⇧ x 12 ⇧ x 13 ⇧ x x x

5.

14 ⇦ x 15 ⇨ x 16 ⇦ x  ⇨ x

-

Level 4 Groove 022

Dow- Down- Down

p. 27

6.

17 ⇧ o o 18 ⇨ o o 19 ⇦ o o o 20 ⇧ x x x

7.

21 ⇦ x ⇧ o 22 ⇧ x  ⇨ o 23 ⇨ x  ⇦ o 24 ⇦ x ⇧ x ⇨ x

8.

25 ⇦ x x 26 ⇨ x x 27 ⇧ x

Whoo! [4]

Rescue 018. Space Granny 024. Neo-Japan Astronaut 1 021. Mr. Dreadlocks 025. Neo-Japan Astronaut 2 026. Neo-Japan Astronaut 3 027. Neo-Japan Astronaut 4 

028. Neo-Japan Astronaut 5 023. Nice Middle 021. Chorus Lady

-

Level 4 Groove 022

Dow- Down- Up

p. 28

Space Symphony · Lounge C

Dancing

Ulala’s Hearts: 6 Now it’s a dance paired with a song… The lyrics may change between the enemies and allies, but the timing of the inputs remain exactly the same. Be cautious and don’t let the enemy's singing sidetrack you. At the end, if you successfully rescue the Space Guide, the next secret input will be signaled by one last "whoo!" Surely you’ve memorized the pattern by now, haven't you?

“You should be taken seriously, first our name!”

9. Singing

        “We are known as the Rhythm Rogues” 28 “You can't fool us not anymore”  x x x          “Can't keep us from dancing” 29 “Move your feet, and don't get beat“ o o

10.

30 ⇧ ⇩ ⇧ x x x 31 ⇨ ⇨ ⇦ ��� x x x 32 x x x x o o o

-

Level 4 Groove 024

Woof

p. 29

11. Timed Chu

33. ⇦ ⇦ 34. ⇨ ⇨ 35. ⇧⇩ 36. x 37. o 38. x 39. o 40. x

Pine’s Comment: The turns change faster near this point. Expect it to stay the same beat and you’ll be too slow on the inputs. A real shock to your eyes, too. The commands pass by in a flash with no room to rely on your memory.

Whoo! [5]

Rescue 017. Space Guide

-

Level 1 Groove 025

Right Left Right Left Right Left Righ- Lef-

p. 30

Space Symphony · Lounge D

Finale!

“Ugh, not again, robots incoming! Use the X button beam when you hear ‘Chu!"

Chu! Chu! Chu! Staaaay Tuned! [6]

-

Level 1 Groove 026

Up Down Up Down Up Down Uh- Down-

p. 31

Morolian to Morolian Communication

Pudding: Get your coverage from Channel 42! Good evening, everybody, it's me, Pudding! Hey, hey, you're all hooked up, right? So, just to get this out of the way, could you guys tell me what you're up to since the last incident? Cred: Pudding wants to know, moro? Pudding: Yes, but I want you  to describe it to the audience. Morolian Boss: That sounds fine, moro. Morolian Eight: We're in the reporting biz now. Everyone keep watching for Moro-Channel 5!  We'll be following up on the Rhythm Rogues Incident. Don't go skipping our show by pressing the start button. Morolian Cameraman: Television is a very interesting thing, moro. It's super sexy and addicting, moro. Plurp: But it's not all fun and games, moro. Gromb: The live reports were pretty tough, moro. Pudding: Huh, which part? Proonk: You know, moro, the part where we have to stay off-screen and wait for our cue to come on, moro. Cred: Aah, you mean the Secret Inputs, where we need to pop-up when it's done correctly, right moro? Blib: That's right, moro. Yaroo: But if the player doesn't input the command, you just have to wait and wait; it's a real pain, moro. Cred: You can say that again, moro. Blib: Wait then jump all over the screen, moro.To the right, then the left, then the bottom: it was all super hard for me, moro. Proonk: Yeah, those sudden changes in position take a lot of energy, doesn't they, moro? Yaroo: It's really hard, moro. I could feel my blood rushing to the tips of my antennae, moro. Gromb: It was a tough time, wasn't it, moro? (In deep thought) Plurp: Oh, by the way, why don’t we show up in Report 2’s Space Park even if they got the Secret Input right, moro? Why was it just the sound effect, moro? Morolian Leader: I dunno, moro. Maybe they just didn't get there in time, moro? Morolian Eight: Maybe, moro. Pudding: Wha-what are you talking about? Tell me! Morolian Eight: Well, I really didn’t have the time for “Pop-up-Moro” since I was busy recording stuff for Moro-Channel 5. Morolian Boss: What a joke, moro. Morolian Cameraman: Yeah, no excuses, moro. Pudding: Anyway, aren't you guys gonna go back to Morodia? Proonk: It's too much of a hassle to go back, moro. Morolian Cameraman: Come to think of it, I don't even remember the way back, moro. I guess we have no choice but to work at Moro-Channel 5 all the time now, moro? Morolian Boss: That's fine, moro.

-

Level 1 Groove 027

Up Left Up Left Up Left Uh- Lef-

[flyingraijin]

VARIOUS CHARACTERS X READER

Dynamic: Loss of virginity au

Rating: Explicit - 18+ Only!

Status: Ongoing

Current Word Count: 49,748

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18 YEARS OR OLDER!

All entries exist in the same au but are standalone - entries do not need to be read in order, however it is recommended.

Related Links: main masterlist + ao3  + series playlist

Summary: When the time is right and you're finally ready to give your first to the person you love.

(Or, alternatively; the My Hero characters fuck for the first time)

CHAPTER INDEX

Entry 01 | Silver On Forest Green

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x AFAB!reader

Warnings: Swearing, virginity loss, oral (m+f receiving), mentions of masturbation, creampie, multiple orgasms, soft Izuku, hella unrealistic (this is not what a first time is like at all)

Summary: After dating Izuku for a while, you and he both feel ready to take the next step in your relationship.

(Or, alternatively; Izuku fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 7360

Release Date: 20 September 2021

Entry 02 | Sweet (Like Honey)

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, virginity loss, fingering, dry humping, cunnilingus,  creampie, multiple orgasms, no contraception mentioned, extremely unrealistic (seriously, this is not what losing your virginity is actually like)

Summary: When Katsuki finds out in the worst way possible that Deku is, in fact, not a virgin anymore, he takes matters into his own hands and decides to seek you out.  

(Or, alternatively; Katsuki fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 10 377

Release Date: 11 October 2021

Entry 03 | Body As A Temple

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinsou x fem!reader

Warnings: Insecurity, lot’s of self-doubt, swearing, smut, virginity loss, body worship, praise, vaginal fingering, cunniligus, creampie, vaginal penetration, use of “kitten”, use of “muffin”, slight soft dom!Shinsou, established relationship, this is not realistic, (please, don’t take notes)

Summary: You can hear them when they whisper behind their hands. Always. And it hurts as the doubt starts to kick in. But maybe, just maybe Shinsou knows how to help.

(Or, alternatively; Hitoshi fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 11 683

Release Date: 18 December 2021

Entry 04 | Sickly Sweet

Pairing: Hanta Sero x reader

Warnings: swearing, sickness, smut, virginity loss, multiple orgasms, oral (f + m receiving), a lil bit of dry humping, face-sitting, cunniligus, vaginal sex, a little bit of overstimulation, a teensy bit of pain, soooo fluffy (I really went overboard with this one bc im such a simp this man), pussy drunk sero, whiny sero

Summary: Being sick truly is an inconvenience, in almost every aspect of life. Especially so when you’re so close to graduation. But if your reward for getting well again is your boyfriend, Hanta, you suppose it might be worth falling ill more often...

(Or, alternatively; Hanta fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 15 606

Release Date: 22 January 2022

Entry 05 | Cookies ‘n Cream

Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x reader

Warnings: Forbidden romance, first time au, third year au, soft smut, hand jobs, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex

Summary: The rules have been clear for a long time; no messing around, no wasting time on anything that isn't trying to get to the top, and no Shoto Todoroki. At least, until school is over. Your parents have a lot of influence in the hero world, but once you've graduated, you're free from their control. And there's only one more night to wait. 

Only, you've never been the most patient person. And after years of hiding your feelings and your need for him, he's right there now, in your room, close enough to touch. 

(Or, alternatively; Shoto fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 12 440

Release Date: 09 July 2022

COMING SOON!!

Entry 06 | One Man’s Treasure

Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima x reader

Warnings: TBA

Summary: TBA

Word Count: TBA

Release Date: TBA

There’ll probably be more but I’m too lazy to think about them now

[penitent-stranger]

(Jan 05-06) - Used As Bait / Stumbling / "This is gonna hurt" 

special thanks to @darthcoakley for his help on this one heehee

(cw: blood, death, guilt/self-loathing, brief mention of vomit)

“I still don’t know how you’re not even shivering.”

Red chuckled lightly from his position next to Jaye. Their shoulders rubbed together in their shared sniper’s nest, sandbags and foliage providing scant protection from the biting wind. She knew she’d have to scoot away once he actually started shooting - couldn’t risk bumping him and throwing off his aim - but for now she stole whatever extra warmth from him that she could.

“I told you to dress accordingly when I described the conditions,” he said.

“We're wearing the same gear.” She flashed him an incredulous look. “Can't you just fake being cold to make me feel better?”

He spared her a brief glance and a smile before turning back to his rifle scope. “We can go over the sectors again if you’re bored.”

Jaye huffed a sigh. “As if we haven’t done that twice already. I’d rather you start quoting Ayn Rand at me again.”

That earned her another chuckle, more playful this time. “What’s the matter, not in the mood to discuss the rousing merits of objectivism?”

A strong gust of wind buffeted the cliffside where they’d set up, and Jaye burrowed deeper into her coat as she pouted.

“Oh, save the sarcasm,” she said. “You hate her philosophy just as much as me. The only reason you brought it up last time was ‘cause you knew it’d make me angry, you dick.”

“You say that as if it’s hard to do.”

She smirked. “Not when you’re involved, it isn’t.”

Taking a lead from Red, Jaye set her eye against her telescope again. The shantytown came into view a kilometer below them, along with the makeshift camp this group of mercenaries had set up. 

Aside from familiarizing herself with the landscape and defining sectors for communication, Jaye usually avoided observing too much before the job started. She noted landmarks and terrain, of course. Watched for anything out-of-the-ordinary. But aside from a cursory scan, she didn’t really need to focus on the targets.

Working as her squad lead’s spotter didn’t offend her as much as it did the first time around - not as much as she thought it would. Same as piloting a mech, the distance provided a certain degree of separation. She kept an eye on the broader picture. Helped Red line up his shots. No emotions necessary. Now, after however many missions together, she found the steps and protocol of the job ritualistic, almost comforting. And if she took her place beside Red, she wouldn't have to worry about finding herself in his crosshairs.

The mercs understood how vulnerable the surrounding cliffs made them to shots from above. They’d planned their hideout accordingly, covering windows and piling barriers to make safe paths between buildings. Jaye noted all of the cautious measures she and Red would have to work around, and she frowned.

“Not a lot of open space here,” she said, still peering through the telescope. “Gonna be hard to get a good bead on them.”

“Not so hard,” Red replied.

Before Jaye could poke fun at his cocky attitude, another voice came in on both of their comms. 

“Position secure. 0-1, 0-2, ready when you are.”

“That was Theo,” Jaye said.

Red nodded and brought a hand to his ear. “Copy, Empress. Keep us posted on any incoming.”

At the all-clear, Jaye inched away from her teammate to assume her position. The wind immediately cut through the space between them, and she tensed at the loss of shared body heat. She covered the eye not pressed to her telescope with her hand.

“Sector three alpha,” she said. “Looks like a good spot to wait for a target to show themself.”

Red shifted next to her to angle his sights where she indicated. After a moment’s pause, he gave a verbal description to make sure they were both looking at the same thing. A gap between two buildings, deceptively exposed and in full view of the rest of the camp. Jaye confirmed.

Red hummed his agreement. “We wait.”

They laid on the ground in silence for the next few minutes, eyes locked on the same opening. It could have been longer; Jaye easily lost track of time on sniper missions, especially when they relied on the target to make the first move. The dusty stone of the cliffside stole warmth from every point of her body that made contact with it, even through her tactical gear. She regretted not putting anything down first before hunkering down.

Movement through her telescope made her snap back to attention. One of the mercenaries stepped into view, ducking into the relative shelter from the wind to light a cigarette.

“Target in range,” she said. “Do you see them?”

Red adjusted his aim. “Contact.”

Jaye led him through the firing sequence. Calibrating his scope. Factoring in wind speed to calculate the angle of the shot. His breath evened out into a hypnotic rhythm, pausing right before he fired. Waiting for her confirmation.

“Go for,” Jaye said.

The gunshot echoed off of the natural walls around them. Jaye watched the delayed hit from her perch a thousand meters away, watched the red mist as the bullet pierced the merc’s body armor, watched as their face twisted and the force of the impact sent them stumbling back. Sound didn’t reach her from this far away, but her brain filled in the strained cry of pain as they collapsed to the ground, still breathing.

Her eyes narrowed. “Miss. You got them in the stomach.”

A toothy click sounded from Red’s rifle as he reloaded, the motions calm and unhurried as anything. “I didn’t miss. Tell me when the others come into view.”

Like a monstrous, poisonous insect, slow horror crept up Jaye's spine as understanding dawned on her. He wanted to draw them out. Use their own teammate as bait and pick them off one by one. Nausea curled in her stomach, and she glanced over at him with unease.

Red never broke focus. He didn't notice or acknowledge the look she gave him, instead keeping his cheek pressed to the stock of his rifle.

“Bluebird. I need your eyes.”

Jaye swallowed hard. She resumed her position and forced herself to look at the dying target again. The man gasped and dug his heel into the ground, his body twisting in pain and blood already pooling underneath him. The encampment bustled with panicked activity, all of them alerted now to the presence of a sniper. A head poked above one of the barriers.

“Target incoming. Two o’clock.”

“Confirmed.”

He made a clean kill with his next shot. And the next one. Jaye watched shot after shot find their mark, one just a meter away from reaching their teammate. The corrective patch fell from their hand unused. 

The hunt stretched out for twenty minutes. A heavy numbness set into Jaye's bones, and she hardly noticed the chill from the wind or the pebbles digging into her ribs anymore. The words to correct and confirm tumbled past her lips without her realizing she'd even said them. Both her and Red tallied the bodies, until none but the first remained.

“That’s nine by my count,” Red said.

Jaye forced a steady exhale through her mouth. “Confirmed.”

“Taking aim on the last target.”

A grip of panic seized her, and before she could think it through, Jaye grabbed his rifle. “Wait- don’t shoot!”

“Bluebird, what are you doing?”

She pushed herself off of the ground and away from her telescope, about to scramble to her feet. “I have correctives in my field kit, I can-”

Red latched onto her arm before she could get up. She froze.

“He’ll have bled out by the time you get there,” he said, ice blue eyes meeting hers. “And if he doesn’t, he will hate you for killing every one of his squadmates, and for making him watch. It doesn’t matter if you pulled the trigger or not. He won’t make that distinction. He will kill you the second he is able, regardless of the medical supplies in your hands. Is his life really worth putting yourself in danger?”

Jaye’s blood ran cold. Red still held her above her elbow, and her hand clenched until her forearm shook. That familiar voice screamed at her from the back of her mind, warnings from her captain and her family that sent revulsion prickling down her arms and spine. Bile rose in the back of her throat, and the voice screeched loud enough to echo inside her skull. Are you sure you know when it’s just him talking?

Her words came out thick. “That’s not for you to decide.”

Red blinked at her, his cold gaze impassive. He didn’t react to the horror on her face she knew she couldn’t hide.

“Kindness and mercy aren’t always the same thing,” he said. “You told me that, once.”

Jaye clenched her jaw. Every second she stood here was another second she wasn’t helping - but she knew she couldn’t argue with Red. As soon as she’d seen the man through her binoculars, she’d signed off on his death. She’d made her decision the second she hesitated. Her pulse squeezed in her neck hard enough to make her choke. 

“Take the shot,” she said.

Red held her gaze for a second or two, but when she didn’t move, he let go of her arm and settled back into position. She watched him fall into the practiced routine of aiming his rifle, running through the checks and bringing his eye back to the scope.

She snapped back to herself and lowered herself to her telescope. She still had a job to do. The encampment came back into view, and she scanned the ground for her target. Her skin burned under her gear where Red had touched her, but she tried to ignore it. 

The mercenary lay where she last saw him, sprawled out in mud made from his own blood. His chest still rose and fell, uneven and shallow. She avoided bringing the crimson mess of his abdomen into focus.

“I’ve got sights,” she said. “Go for.”

Red set up his shot. He fired. The bullet hit a few seconds later, the mercenary’s body jerked with the impact. Jaye could almost hear the snip of scissor blades as they cut the tether binding his life to this plane. She refused to flinch. She waited until she didn’t see his chest rise again before pulling away.

“Confirmed.”

Red nodded and pulled back as well. Another successful mission. 

They packed their equipment in silence, Red pulling apart the pieces of his rifle with as much precision and care as when he set it up. Jaye shoved her telescope and tripod into her bag and swallowed against a lump in her throat. Who gave her the right to feel this guilt? Did it really take the suffering of another person for her to regret?

Her mother’s gun she kept on her hip didn’t offer a kinder death than Red’s. A shot fired in anger or passion killed just as bitterly as one fired with indifference. Neither one would have comforted that mercenary as he lay dying. How could she ever think herself better than Red, just because she had a cause? How dare she?

Red sent out a message to global comms to let the rest of their squad know they’d finished the job. He and Jaye picked their way back down the cliffside, taking a different route than the way they’d come. Jaye’s thoughts tumbled around each other the whole way down, pressing against the inside of her head. After a few minutes, she couldn't ignore the nausea churning in her stomach. She fell to her hands and knees to be sick in the grass.

Red stopped beside her and passed down a canteen without saying anything. She rinsed the taste of bile out of her mouth and spat it out, then threw her head back for one long gulp. She drank until the breath stopped shaking in her lungs, then took another swig for good measure.

When a hand rested tentatively on her shoulder, Jaye flinched away. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Red pulled away, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him fold his arms and turn away to give her space. Good. She’d hate herself until it made her sick, but she’d sooner snap her own fingers before she let him see it. She allowed herself a few seconds to get a grip, then dragged herself to her feet. She wordlessly passed him back the canteen.

Red clipped it to his belt and offered her a quiet, searching gaze. Jaye ignored him by reaching behind her head to adjust the bandana covering her hair.

“This…what you’re feeling,” he said. “There’s no shame in it, Bluebird. Don’t ever be ashamed of compassion.”

She rolled her shoulders and winced at the stiffness in her muscles. She still didn’t look at him. “Save it for debrief.”

Red simply nodded, and took the lead down the rocky path. They continued without another word.

[horrorforemetophobes]

Halloween 2022: Part 2!

We’re baaaaaack! This time with a bundle of abundant horror guaranteed to give you ghastly nightmares with no end until November! Feast your eyes on the latest installments of a horror movie countdown, a complete series of anthology horror and even a double bill book-and-movie night for the most relaxing spooky night in you’ve ever had! Sleep with one eye open and you’ll see me again soon!! 101 Scariest Horror Movie Moments: Part 2 Episode 6: 09:50-10:21. Severity: 9/10. Clip from Sixth Sense with v*ing character. 26:31-26:55. Severity: 6/10. Clip from Don’t Breathe, character ch*kes and g*s. Episode 7: Nothing to skip! The Midnight Club (2022) * Please note this series centres around themes of death, terminal illness and suicide. See Other Content notes for more information * Episode 1: Nothing to skip! Ep 2: 27:50-28:30. Severity: 7/10. Character repeatedly v*s offscreen with graphic audio and is shown talking in bathroom. Ep 3: Nothing to skip! There are mentions. Ep 4: 21:15-22:32 As in ep. 2, with mentions of n*. Ep.5: 00:30-00:41. Severity: 8/10. Character suddenly v*s with graphic visuals. Ep.6-8: Nothing to skip! Ep.9: 56:13-end of episode. Severity: 8/10. Several characters v* with graphic visual and sound. Skip to the next episode when Dr Stanton appears. Ep.10: 05:07-05:14. Severity: 5/10. Character seizes and v*s. 05:52. Mentions of stomach p*mping. Other Content: Blood, injury detail, cancer, terminal illness, hospice, medical detail, death, suicidal ideation, violence, ghosts, AIDS, self-harm, needles, drug use, alcohol, parental neglect, absentee parents, religious abuse, homophobia, inspiration porn, homeopathy, animal abuse. — For resources and support, please access wannatalkaboutit at: https://www.wannatalkaboutit.com Grady Hendrix’s Demonic Double Bill! My Best Friend’s Exorcism (2022) * Please note the exorcism scene itself contains sounds throughout that may be distressing. It might be helpful to watch the scene muted with subtitles! * 0:24:50-0:25:05. Severity: 10/10. Character suddenly v*s with prolonged visuals and sound. Mentioned at 0:25:18. 0:57:04-0:58:29. Severity: 8/10. Prolonged scene with mentions of v* and some g*ing. Some warnings removed for spoiler reasons, please read a synopsis for details! 1:17:39. No v*, but character sp*ts. 1:25:30-1:26:06. Severity: 10/10. Prolonged v* scene with visuals and sound. Other Content: Blood, injury detail, possession, alcohol abuse, drug use, demons, casual homophobia, use of slurs, eating disorders, abuse, manipulation, bullying, allergies. Some details removed for spoiler reasons, please read a synopsis if unsure!! Horrorstör (2014, UK paperback edition) Ah, the wonders of working retail. The aisles of pristine product, the neverending beep-beep-beep of the checkouts, the endless stream of deal-starved customers. It’s a long, thankless job, but mercifully predictable, at least for most of us. For the employees of Orsk, not so much. There’s something wrong with their superstore, and three of the employees are going to get to the bottom of it. Pages 117-120. Severity: 8/10. Character has sn*t running from face, then v*s with graphic description. No aftermath after pg.120.

[chrisryanspeaks]

The Umbrellas share new music video for "Gone" ahead of US tour launching next week

https://youtu.be/_O6nH2f1B7M?si=mYHEsTvtzXYStovG Today San Francisco band The Umbrellas share a new music video for "Gone" from their most recent Slumberland LP Fairweather Friend ahead of their full North American tour which launches next week. Morgan Alice from the band made the video using Super 8 footage taken on various Umbrellas tours. For more info. and to buy tickets in advance, click HERE TOUR DATES: Fri 5/31 Los Angeles, CA Permanent Records * Sat 6/01 San Clemente, CA Knuckle Heads Sun 6/02 San Diego, CA Soda Bar Wed 6/05 Denton, TX Rubber Gloves + Thu 6/06 Austin, TX Mohwawk (Inside) # Fri 6/07 New Orleans, LA BJs Sun 6/09 Nashville, TN Soft Junk $ Mon 6/10 Atlanta, GA 529 Tue 6/11 Durham, NC The Pinhook Wed 6/12 Washington, DC Quarry House Tavern & Thu 6/13 Philadelphia, PA PhilaMOCA Fri 6/14 New York, NY The Broadway @ Sat 6/15 Boston, MA 4th Wall % Sun 6/16 Montreal, QB Quai des Brumes Mon 6/17 Toronto, ON Monarch Tavern Tue 6/18 Cleveland, OH Happy Dog Wed 6/19 Detroit, MI Outer Limits Lounge Thu 6/20 Chicago, IL Cole's Fri 6/21 Minneapolis, MN Cloudland ^ Mon 6/24 Vancouver, BC TBA Tue 6/25 Victoria, BC Lucky Bar Wed 6/26 Seattle, WA Sunset Tavern ** Thu 6/27 Portland, OR Swan Dive Sat 6/29 San Francisco, CA Kilowatt ! * = w/ Le Pain, Ted # = w/ On Being An Angel, Touch Girl Apple Blossom $ = w/ Ornament & = w/ Linda Smith + = w/ 2nd Grade, The Smashing Times @ = w/ The Smashing Times, Lightheaded % = w/ Mall Cops ^ = w/ Jim Ruiz, Real Numbers ! = w/ Pocket Full of Crumbs, Latitude ** = w/ Lisa Prank, The Nags The Umbrellas are four renegade romantics crafting irresistible indie pop hymns. The band’s self-titled 2021 debut album became a breakout moment, winning critical praise and sparking an international tour. Follow-up LP Fairweather Friend goes a step further – absorbing the sonic attack of their live shows, it balances this with studio finesse, allowing the San Francisco four-piece to become the band they’ve always aspired to be. The Umbrellas' self-titled 2021 debut album was a breakout moment in an otherwise grim year, winning critical praise and fueling tours with everyone from labelmates Papercuts to Fucked Up. Follow-up LP Fairweather Friend goes a step further – balancing the rambunctious sonic attack of their live shows with studio craft and finesse, allowing the San Francisco four-piece to become the band they’ve always aspired to be. It's a record overflowing with highlights. The addictive, upbeat melodies of introductory track ‘Three Cheers!’ are matched to an impactful percussive punch; ‘Say What You Mean’ finds The Umbrellas working with total confidence, letting the song ride out to its chiming conclusion, four voices working in precision. ‘When You Find Out’ offers rotating notes of guitar punctuated by a vocal that pushes past angst to accept a world full of hope. A lean 10 track affair, it grasps towards beatific pop while fuelled by a sense of risk-taking and the precision that comes from long months on the road. The Umbrellas coalesced in 2018 around a group of musicians with connections to the legendary San Francisco record emporium Amoeba Music. Singer and guitarist Matt Ferrera had previous links with bassist Nick Oka, as well as the powerhouse drummer Keith Frerichs. A chance encounter with Morgan Stanley singing karaoke at a Fourth of July party cemented the line-up around an avowed thirst for melody. “All of us love really earnest pop songs,” Nick points out. “I guess we got to a point in our lives where we wanted to be genuine.” Playing shows at San Francisco’s vital DIY redoubt Hit Gallery, The Umbrellas would share line-ups with local heroes such as April Magazine and Cindy. Recording their debut album across a two-day spell at Matt’s parents’ house, the results won a devoted cult following. The experience of frequent touring bonded them tightly and allowed the volume to tick up a little higher (and higher...) and and feeding a desire for their next record to more closely mirror the energy of their live shows. “I think we got tired of people saying, oh you’re so much louder than I thought you’d be!” laughs Matt. “Our early recordings are sweet and earnest… and we wanted it to be louder.” Kicking off sessions in November 2022, the band used an ad hoc space Matt created in his basement, which allowed the sessions to be a little more relaxed in terms of timescale than their debut. “We gave ourselves more space for this album,” says Keith. “We wanted time to sit on the songs, and really work on them.” Capturing their thrilling live dynamic on tape, The Umbrellas are at once more physical and yet also more controlled on their new album. Take opening track ‘Three Cheers!’ – the peppy, sun-soaked rush masks a barbed lyric, courtesy of Nick Oka. “It’s a pseudo-political song about power struggles that occur in a job situation, or a friend group. It’s an observational song.” ‘Toe The Line’ has an unkempt, rollicking sense of energy, the playful relationship analogy of the lyric pushed to the speed of light by Keith’s just-chaotic-enough punk drumming. ‘When You Find Out’ meanwhile epitomises their unified, egalitarian way of making music – with The Umbrellas, each voice counts. “It sounds different from any song we’ve ever written together,” says Morgan. “It shows how much we’ve grown. Trust helps us to build the songs. It’s definitely a team effort.” It's also a record of ambition. ‘Say What You Mean’ stretches past the four-minute mark, the viola performance informed by Estonian minimalist composer Arvo Pärt. ‘Gone’ was the first song attempted for the new album, and the last they actually finished, endless re-writes transforming it into a manifesto of control and release. Taken as a whole Fairweather Friend is a bold indiepop triumph, crafted with purpose and attention. Taking their time over each note, the four-piece have strengthened their songwriting, adding depth and assurance while unlocking their potential. Some bonds last a lifetime – The Umbrellas are ready to capture your heart. Read the full article

[audiofuzz]

The Umbrellas share new music video for "Gone" ahead of US tour launching next week

https://youtu.be/_O6nH2f1B7M?si=mYHEsTvtzXYStovG Today San Francisco band The Umbrellas share a new music video for "Gone" from their most recent Slumberland LP Fairweather Friend ahead of their full North American tour which launches next week. Morgan Alice from the band made the video using Super 8 footage taken on various Umbrellas tours. For more info. and to buy tickets in advance, click HERE TOUR DATES: Fri 5/31 Los Angeles, CA Permanent Records * Sat 6/01 San Clemente, CA Knuckle Heads Sun 6/02 San Diego, CA Soda Bar Wed 6/05 Denton, TX Rubber Gloves + Thu 6/06 Austin, TX Mohwawk (Inside) # Fri 6/07 New Orleans, LA BJs Sun 6/09 Nashville, TN Soft Junk $ Mon 6/10 Atlanta, GA 529 Tue 6/11 Durham, NC The Pinhook Wed 6/12 Washington, DC Quarry House Tavern & Thu 6/13 Philadelphia, PA PhilaMOCA Fri 6/14 New York, NY The Broadway @ Sat 6/15 Boston, MA 4th Wall % Sun 6/16 Montreal, QB Quai des Brumes Mon 6/17 Toronto, ON Monarch Tavern Tue 6/18 Cleveland, OH Happy Dog Wed 6/19 Detroit, MI Outer Limits Lounge Thu 6/20 Chicago, IL Cole's Fri 6/21 Minneapolis, MN Cloudland ^ Mon 6/24 Vancouver, BC TBA Tue 6/25 Victoria, BC Lucky Bar Wed 6/26 Seattle, WA Sunset Tavern ** Thu 6/27 Portland, OR Swan Dive Sat 6/29 San Francisco, CA Kilowatt ! * = w/ Le Pain, Ted # = w/ On Being An Angel, Touch Girl Apple Blossom $ = w/ Ornament & = w/ Linda Smith + = w/ 2nd Grade, The Smashing Times @ = w/ The Smashing Times, Lightheaded % = w/ Mall Cops ^ = w/ Jim Ruiz, Real Numbers ! = w/ Pocket Full of Crumbs, Latitude ** = w/ Lisa Prank, The Nags The Umbrellas are four renegade romantics crafting irresistible indie pop hymns. The band’s self-titled 2021 debut album became a breakout moment, winning critical praise and sparking an international tour. Follow-up LP Fairweather Friend goes a step further – absorbing the sonic attack of their live shows, it balances this with studio finesse, allowing the San Francisco four-piece to become the band they’ve always aspired to be. The Umbrellas' self-titled 2021 debut album was a breakout moment in an otherwise grim year, winning critical praise and fueling tours with everyone from labelmates Papercuts to Fucked Up. Follow-up LP Fairweather Friend goes a step further – balancing the rambunctious sonic attack of their live shows with studio craft and finesse, allowing the San Francisco four-piece to become the band they’ve always aspired to be. It's a record overflowing with highlights. The addictive, upbeat melodies of introductory track ‘Three Cheers!’ are matched to an impactful percussive punch; ‘Say What You Mean’ finds The Umbrellas working with total confidence, letting the song ride out to its chiming conclusion, four voices working in precision. ‘When You Find Out’ offers rotating notes of guitar punctuated by a vocal that pushes past angst to accept a world full of hope. A lean 10 track affair, it grasps towards beatific pop while fuelled by a sense of risk-taking and the precision that comes from long months on the road. The Umbrellas coalesced in 2018 around a group of musicians with connections to the legendary San Francisco record emporium Amoeba Music. Singer and guitarist Matt Ferrera had previous links with bassist Nick Oka, as well as the powerhouse drummer Keith Frerichs. A chance encounter with Morgan Stanley singing karaoke at a Fourth of July party cemented the line-up around an avowed thirst for melody. “All of us love really earnest pop songs,” Nick points out. “I guess we got to a point in our lives where we wanted to be genuine.” Playing shows at San Francisco’s vital DIY redoubt Hit Gallery, The Umbrellas would share line-ups with local heroes such as April Magazine and Cindy. Recording their debut album across a two-day spell at Matt’s parents’ house, the results won a devoted cult following. The experience of frequent touring bonded them tightly and allowed the volume to tick up a little higher (and higher...) and and feeding a desire for their next record to more closely mirror the energy of their live shows. “I think we got tired of people saying, oh you’re so much louder than I thought you’d be!” laughs Matt. “Our early recordings are sweet and earnest… and we wanted it to be louder.” Kicking off sessions in November 2022, the band used an ad hoc space Matt created in his basement, which allowed the sessions to be a little more relaxed in terms of timescale than their debut. “We gave ourselves more space for this album,” says Keith. “We wanted time to sit on the songs, and really work on them.” Capturing their thrilling live dynamic on tape, The Umbrellas are at once more physical and yet also more controlled on their new album. Take opening track ‘Three Cheers!’ – the peppy, sun-soaked rush masks a barbed lyric, courtesy of Nick Oka. “It’s a pseudo-political song about power struggles that occur in a job situation, or a friend group. It’s an observational song.” ‘Toe The Line’ has an unkempt, rollicking sense of energy, the playful relationship analogy of the lyric pushed to the speed of light by Keith’s just-chaotic-enough punk drumming. ‘When You Find Out’ meanwhile epitomises their unified, egalitarian way of making music – with The Umbrellas, each voice counts. “It sounds different from any song we’ve ever written together,” says Morgan. “It shows how much we’ve grown. Trust helps us to build the songs. It’s definitely a team effort.” It's also a record of ambition. ‘Say What You Mean’ stretches past the four-minute mark, the viola performance informed by Estonian minimalist composer Arvo Pärt. ‘Gone’ was the first song attempted for the new album, and the last they actually finished, endless re-writes transforming it into a manifesto of control and release. Taken as a whole Fairweather Friend is a bold indiepop triumph, crafted with purpose and attention. Taking their time over each note, the four-piece have strengthened their songwriting, adding depth and assurance while unlocking their potential. Some bonds last a lifetime – The Umbrellas are ready to capture your heart. Read the full article

[aweissweiler]

T-15.I.1:1-5-What is the Main Message of A Course In Miracles?In the HER...

Outline with Timings:

Introduction

(00:00 - 01:00) Introduction and Greetings

Topic Introduction

(01:00 - 02:41) Overview of today's theme: Chapter 15 "The Holy Instant," Section 1 - "The Two Uses of Time"

Reading and Exercise

(02:41 - 04:06) Reading of Paragraph 1 (Sentence 1-5)

(04:06 - 05:12) Brief Exercise: Connecting with the Holy Spirit and Participants' Feedback

Deep Dive into Text Passages

(05:12 - 06:31) Explanation of Sentence 1: "Can you imagine what it means to have no cares, no worries, no anxieties..."

(06:31 - 09:47) Explanation of Sentences 2-5: Significance of time in the context of learning with the Holy Spirit

Self-Reflection and Exercise

(09:47 - 11:04) Feedback Round: Current feelings and impressions of the participants

Copyright and Personal Experiences

(11:04 - 13:23) Note on the copyright of the course and sharing personal experiences

Understanding "God's Teacher"

(13:23 - 20:04) In-depth analysis of Sentences 2-4: The role of the Holy Spirit as teacher and learner

Right Teaching and Learning

(20:04 - 27:44) Explanation of the concept of "right teaching and learning" in the context of the Holy Spirit

Mind-Shift Exercise

(27:44 - 59:18) Practical Exercise: Thinking in the Here and Now for salvation and forgiveness

Attaining the State Beyond Time

(59:18 - 1:16:01) Explanation of Sentence 5: "When this has happened, you will no longer need a teacher or time in which to learn"

Summary and Conclusion

(1:16:01 - 1:23:59) Recap of key points, encouragement for daily practice, and preview of upcoming meetings

Closing Round and Future Outlook

(1:23:59 - End) Concluding feedback round, wishes for a beautiful day/night, and announcement of the next meeting

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol.11 Tsukinami Carla [TRACK 2]

Original title: 亢進

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 11 Tsukinami Carla

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toshiyuki Morikawa

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 2: EXASPERATION

*Cling cling*

[00:15] “...No, that’s not it…”

You tilt your head to the side.

“Still…Those Vibora’s…”

You frown.

“Hm…? What’s the matter?”

You ask him if something is wrong.

[00:33] “Ahー Did I make you worried again? I accidentally got lost in thought…I received a report that the messages we distributed the other day have been causing several disturbances. Therefore, we must quickly make our next move. Not only must we lay the groundworks for a reconciliation, but also think of building our own constitutional government afterwards. Fufufu…The list of things to do is endless.”

You note that he seems pleased. 

[01:07] “Hmph. I must give you credit for being able to read my expression. Exactly. The process is looking promising. No, if anything, almost a little too good. I gave Shin a very important order yesterday. I believe we can expect a Familiar to deliver us a response any minute now.”

*Knock knock*

“...Hm. Speak of the devil.”

Yui gets up.

“No, it is fine. I will go myself.”

Carla gets up and walks towards the door. 

*Thud*

*TIMESKIP*

He has returned to the room as you ask about the message.

[02:09] “Great news. Even better than I anticipated.”

You rejoice.

“You may be jumping the gun a little. However, I do not mind. We will surely turn out victorious in the end.”

*Rustle*

“All you need to do is eagerly await the moment you get to witness the final picture.”

*TIMESKIP*

*Hoooooowl*

[02:55] “ーー Well then, I’ll get going.”

You frown.

“Hmph. No need to be worried.”

You seem hesitant about being apart.

[03:07] “What? I will be back in no time. We will only be apart for a short while. Of course, I’d love to take you with me, but the Demon World is a place full of risks for a physical human such as yourself. Not only have I put up a barrier around this Castle, the Familiars are here to keep you safe as well. You can wait for me here in peace.”

*Rustle*

“Hm…Your complexion seems a little pale. I believe I told you to take good care of your health?”

You promise to be a little more mindful of your health.

[03:51] “Heh…Please do that. You are my one and only…I simply cannot go on without you. That is not because of your special blood…Your existence itself is precious to me. Do not get the wrong idea there, okay?”

You smile. 

“Heh…It pains me to say this but…I must go.”

*Thud*

*TIMESKIP*

*Caw caw caw*

[04:45] “...Haah. So the Adler’s Castle is next on the list? They are known to be especially cunning. It is important I do not show them a single opening. I must be extremely careful. …Cough…Cough, cough…! …Ugh…Haah…I guess I have had a little too much on my plate. 

[05:18] ( Due to my busy schedule amongst many other things, my body had already been pushed to its limits. As of now, there has been no way to counter Endzeit ー the doom desire disease ー other than the regular intake of her blood. In other words, I have no other choice but to rely on her self-sacrifice. However, I already felt quite reluctant to put her through that. However, I must make sure that I survive, at the very least until I am able to fulfill the ambition of us Founders. To achieve that, sacrifices will have to be made. )

[06:14] “Haah…How troublesome…However, I cannot stop now. The King of Founders is a pivotal figure to the world…If I once again bring us to the top of the hierarchy, I am sure she will be pleased as well. Exactly. That is exactly whyーー I started all of this. However…Cough, cough…! Haah…I suppose I will have no other choice but to ask Shin to take my place for a bit…For now, I must return to the human world.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[junghelioseok]

clandestine. | 01

↳ forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.

◇ jungkook x reader ◇ smut | fluff | brother’s best friend!au ◇ 10.3k [1/6]

notes: this fic was originally going to be a oneshot, but i changed my mind and decided i didn’t want to kill tumblr with a totally unnecessary 50k jk fic so 🤷🏻‍♀️ here is part one of a fic that 100% only came about because @puellaigmotum​ coerced me into it like 2 years ago (lmao rip 💀) and also bc i have zero self-control and am hopelessly h*rny for jungkook these days and don’t look at me i don’t wanna talk about it okay??? 🙈

warnings: jk’s massive noona kink, some ~under the table~ action, too much detail about jk’s dumb veiny arms probably, but at least he doesn’t have tattoos bc i started writing this before he got them and i don’t need to torture myself anymore than i already do!!!

⇢ 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 

It’s always been easy to spot your brother in a crowd. Passengers flood off the train, jostling around you on their way to the station’s exit, but even in the swarm you can perfectly see Jimin’s golden head of hair bobbing its way toward you, a deep scowl etched across his face. “You’re late,” he says in lieu of a greeting, his honey brown eyes raking over your scuffed suitcase distastefully as he comes to a stop a few feet away.

“And you’re just as impatient as ever,” you retort, coming to a stop before him with your luggage in tow. “Think you can lord it over me since you can drive now?”

“Don’t forget that I’m your ride home,” Jimin scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I could just as easily leave you here to fend for yourself.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you tell him, raising a brow in silent challenge.

Jimin stares down at you unflinchingly, and you stare right back. The tension stretches between you, taut and heavy, until every passing second feels like a light year. Around you, the crowd slowly dissipates, but still you remain—two motionless statues locked in a wordless struggle. From somewhere overhead, a monotone voice announces the next train departure times.

Jimin’s mouth twitches. You blink, twice in quick succession.

And then your little brother breaks into a grin—one that’s so wide you fear his mouth may detach from his face entirely. An answering smile settles across your face as you watch him throw his head back, dissolving into laughter that you can’t help but echo.

“Damn it, Chim!” you say, instinctively grabbing onto his wrist when it looks like he might fall over. “Your poker face still sucks.”

“I’ve gotten better!” Jimin immediately defends. “I mean, you’ve got to admit that, right?”

“Nope.” You sigh and hold a hand over your head so you can measure your height against his ever-so-slightly taller frame. “Same old annoying kid I grew up with. Seriously, have you grown at all in the past year?”

“Whoa, too far, Noona.” Jimin takes ahold of both of your cheeks, pinching them affectionately. “You’re only a year older than me, you know. Besides, I’ve been taller than you for two years now!”

“I’m pretty sure hitting puberty at age seventeen isn’t something to be proud of,” you reply, pulling away from him with a mock grimace and giggling when he lets out an offended squeak. Playfully, you reach up to ruffle his hair, scrubbing your knuckles just a little too roughly against his skull.

“Noonaaa,” he complains, drawing out the last syllable until he runs out of air. “Jeez, you haven’t even been back for an hour yet and you’re already being mean to me. When do you go back to Seoul again?”

“Three weeks,” you reply, narrowing your eyes. “But I can and will make these three weeks hell for you. Don’t test me.”

Jimin snickers and drapes his arm over your shoulders. He picks up your suitcase with the other hand, and you thank him with another, gentler hair ruffle as the two of you start toward the exit of the train station. “College hasn’t changed you one bit.”

“And senior year hasn’t changed you,” you say, letting him guide you outside and breathing in the balmy summer evening air. Jimin’s brow furrows as he tries to remember where he’s parked, and you kindly take your suitcase back when he nods decisively and heads toward the left side of the lot. “You excited to graduate?”

He sighs, fumbling in his pocket for the keys as the two of you approach the car. “It’s going to suck. Your ceremony was boring as hell last year.”

“Wow, rude.”

Jimin looks up from where he’s unlocking the driver’s side door. “Am I wrong, though?”

You flash him a grin as he unlocks the remaining doors, heaving your suitcase into the backseat before sliding into the passenger seat beside him. “Nope. But afterward, you’ll be done with high school forever.”

“Thank god.” Your brother rakes a hand through his hair, mussing it further as he carefully starts the ignition and checks his mirrors with all the diligence of a new driver. Once satisfied, he pulls out of the parking space, meandering his way out of the lot and onto the main street.

The ride back to your childhood home is a short one, full of familiar storefronts and landmarks that dredge up all sorts of fond memories. You hadn’t expected your first year of university—away from your family and your hometown—to make you quite so emotional. But before you know it, Jimin is making the turn into your neighborhood, and you can’t stop the way your eyes begin to well up when you see your house in the distance.

As if reading your mind, Jimin glances at you as he pulls into the driveway. “Feel good to be home?”

You nod, blinking back tears. “Feels great.”

He grins. Pulling the key from the ignition, he climbs out of the car and grabs your suitcase, waving for you to head inside. Eagerly, you start toward the front door, but you barely make it halfway up the driveway when it bursts open, revealing your father standing there with open arms and an enormous grin. He’s just as tall as you remember, and looks exactly the same save a few more strands of silver lacing his hair. All of a sudden, you’re a little girl again, running up to give him a hug and giggling madly when he tries to scoop you up like he used to do so many years ago.

“Hi Dad,” you greet when he gives up and sets you back down on two feet. “Where’s Mom?”

“Cooking up a storm,” he replies, chortling. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he leads you into the kitchen where your mother is hunched over the stove with a spatula, delicious aromas wafting up from the array of pots and pans in front of her. “Honey, look who’s home!”

“Hi Mom,” you say, grinning when she whirls around, startled. The spatula, still dangling loosely from her hand, drips sauce onto the tiled floor, but she barely notices in her eagerness to give you a hug, throwing it down into one of the simmering pots and striding forward to wrap you up in a tight embrace.

“How was your trip?” she asks, pulling back and angling your face this way and that. “Did you sleep on the ride? Did Jimin drive safely?”

The last question draws a protesting whine from your brother, who has lugged your suitcase over the threshold and is now seated at the dining table, fiddling with a spoon. “My driving was fine, right Noona?” he says, his bottom lip jutting out into a pout.

“Yes, Chim,” you agree, laughing at the pleased expression that overtakes his face. Curiously, you walk over to the stove to inspect the food, your jaw dropping as you take in the assorted vegetables and meats. “Wow, Mom. Are you cooking for an army?”

“Jungkook is coming over for dinner,” she explains, following you over and plucking up the spatula again. “That boy has the biggest appetite I’ve ever seen—you remember, right?”

You laugh. “Of course I remember. He and Jimin were always stealing bites of my lunch at school.” Peering over at your brother, you fix him with a mock glare before walking over to the cutting board on the counter and sizing up the pile of onions and peppers sitting there. “It’ll be nice to see him again, though. How is he doing?”

To your surprise, a new voice answers your question—a voice that somehow manages to be simultaneously familiar and foreign. “Why don’t you ask me directly, Noona?” it says, and you whirl around, wide-eyed, to face the newcomer.

This can’t possibly be Jeon Jungkook, is your first thought upon seeing the young man standing in the kitchen doorway. The Jungkook you knew in high school was a scrawny kid—all gangly limbs and a nose that was too big for his face. The Jungkook you knew wore oversized white t-shirts that made him look even younger than he was, a look that was only enhanced by round wire-rimmed glasses that always gave him a look of permanent astonishment. The Jungkook you knew was nowhere near this tall, and definitely not this broad.

But this Jungkook—this Jungkook takes up nearly the entire doorframe with his bulk. Dark eyes stare at you from beneath equally dark hair, his gaze unhindered by his old glasses. A cobalt blue shirt stretches tight over his chest, and you swallow when you notice just how much the buttons are straining to contain the muscle underneath. Black jeans and simple black sneakers complete his outfit, and the entire look is so jarringly different from what you’re used to that you are left momentarily speechless, gaping like a fish out of water. Vaguely, you wonder when he got his ears pierced.

And then Jungkook—or at least, the young man claiming to be Jungkook—takes three steps forward, his entire face melting into a crinkly-eyed grin. You catch a glimpse of the adorably prominent front teeth that always made him look like a rabbit, and that’s all it takes to break the spell.

“Jungkookie!” you exclaim, darting forward to greet him. “It’s been so long!”

“Hi, Noona,” he replies, his grin widening at your approach. In an instant, he has you wrapped up in an embrace, easily lifting you off the floor in a display of strength that would’ve had a lesser woman swooning. His hands curl firmly around your waist, and you have no choice but to wrap yours around his nape, squeaking in protest when he spins you in a full circle.

“Kookie!” you gasp, wriggling helplessly in his grasp and huffing when he only cackles. “Put me down!”

Obediently, Jungkook lowers you back to the ground. His hands linger on your waist until he’s certain that both your feet are planted firmly, and it’s only then that he pulls back to get a good look at your face. “You know I’d never drop you, right?” he asks innocently.

“As if I can trust anything that comes out of your mouth,” you retort with a laugh. “I’ve seen you scam your way out of detention with those pretty doe eyes. Don’t try me, kid.”

Jungkook snorts. “Kid? I’m not that much younger than you. Plus I’m older than Jimin, y’know.”

“By a month!” your brother protests from the dining room, his blond head popping up from behind the vase of daisies serving as a centerpiece.

“Month and a half,” Jungkook stage-whispers to you, cupping a hand and bringing his mouth to your ear conspiratorially. His breath tickles your cheek, and you swat him away with a giggle that becomes a full-on laugh when Jimin lets out an offended cry and rises to his feet. Striding over, he pokes Jungkook squarely in the chest, his eyes narrowed.

“I invite you over to my house and this is the thanks I get?”

Your dad chooses that moment to interrupt from the living room. “Your house? When exactly did you start paying rent, Jimin?”

Jimin’s jaw drops. “Are you taking his side?” he asks in disbelief, glaring at Jungkook when he starts laughing. “I’m your son!”

“I’m your father,” your dad replies.

“And I’m your mother,” your mom pipes up, brandishing a spoon. “And I’m telling all of you to get your butts over to that dining table in the next ten seconds, or no dinner for any of you.”

Your dad, Jimin, and Jungkook immediately fall silent, cowed by her proclamation. Grinning, you join your mother at the counter, grabbing a handful of spoons and accepting the platter of kimchi she hands over. “Direct as always, Mom.”

She laughs and picks up a bowl of rice. “To deal with men like them? You have to be.”

Food in hand, you make your way into the dining room. The table is set, the steaming food arranged neatly in the center, and you watch as your mother takes her seat next to Jimin and leaves you to sit beside Jungkook on the opposite side. Your father beams from his spot at the head of the table, glancing at each of you in turn before turning and giving your shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

“Look at you kids, all sitting at the same table again.” He sighs, and you’re certain that he’s thinking back to the last time all of you were together—well over a year ago, at this point. “It’s a shame that your parents couldn’t join us, though, Jungkook.”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah, they told me to apologize on their behalf. They have tickets for the theatre tonight, and couldn’t get a refund on them.”

Your father laughs and waves the apology off. “I’m sure we’ll catch them next time,” he says. “Pretty hard to avoid each other when you live next door, isn’t it?”

“Definitely,” Jungkook agrees with a chuckle. Then he turns to you, the silver hoops in his ears glinting in the light from the overhead chandelier. “I’m sure they’ll drop by soon to see you, Noona. Mom wants to hear all about Seoul—I think she’s worried about sending me so far away by myself.”

“Junghyun stayed in Busan for university, didn’t he?” your mom asks.

Jungkook nods. “Yep, he still lives downtown and everything. He wanted to come over tonight, but his work wouldn’t let him take the time off.”

Your mom sighs. “That’s such a shame. Is he at least attending your graduation?”

“He’s driving in the day after tomorrow for the ceremony,” Jungkook confirms. Then he pauses, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. His gaze flickers down to the plate of sweet potatoes on the other side of the table, and before he can even open his mouth, your mother is already passing him the plate. He thanks her with an embarrassed chuckle but digs into the food nonetheless, and everyone else takes it as a sign to follow suit. You’re in the middle of scooping rice into your bowl when Jimin speaks up again.

“So what’s it like living in Seoul?” he asks, his cheeks bulging with pork belly. “You have roommates, right?”

“Suitemates,” you correct. “But yeah, I live with three other people. Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jennie are all great though, so it hasn’t been a problem.”

Jungkook pauses mid-chew to gape at you. “You live with guys?”

“My building’s co-ed,” you explain. “We all have separate bedrooms, but we share a common space and bathrooms.”

Your mother—on the lookout for any potential future grandchildren, as always—perks up. “Namjoon and Hoseok sound like nice boys. Are you friends?”

“Yes, Mom,” you sigh. “We’re friends. Just friends.” And then before she can ask about whether or not any other boys have caught your eye, you quickly turn back to your brother. “So, what’s your plan for next year? Are you and Jungkook living together?”

Jimin hums. “Yep, that’s the plan. Unless you want to live with us too, Noona.”

You laugh. “Why, so I can protect you from all the bullies like I did in elementary school?”

He flashes you a cheeky grin. “More like so I can protect you from all the weird college guys. Who’s this Hoseok guy anyway? Do I need to beat him up?”

“Please don’t beat up Hobi,” you entreaty, giggling when he pretends to crack his knuckles. “Or Joon!” you add quickly when he remains undeterred and makes to stand up from the table to defend your honor. Balling up your napkin, you throw it at him, and both of you burst into hysterics when your makeshift weapon bounces off his forehead and straight into his glass of water. The rest of dinner passes in a haze of similarly playful antics and happy chatter, and by the time the last bowl is scraped clean, it feels as if you’d never even left.

“I’ll do the dishes,” you volunteer, standing up and gathering up the empty platters. Jungkook and Jimin are quick to jump to your aid, collecting any utensils that you missed, and you offer them a grateful smile as they follow you into the kitchen.

“Let me do the washing, Noona.” Jungkook rolls up the sleeves of his cobalt blue shirt to expose a familiar silver watch glinting on his left wrist—a watch that his father handed down to him when he was sixteen, and that had been worn by his grandfather before him. You still remember the day he’d first worn it to school, proudly displaying it even though the band was too loose around his narrow wrist.

He’s grown into it now, you realize. The watch no longer flops around like it used to, and sits snugly in place instead. Your eyes trace the silver buckle on the inside of his wrist before trailing up to follow the network of thin, branching veins in his forearm, admiring the smooth flex of muscle as he grabs a sponge from the wire rack hanging above the sink and squirts some dish soap onto the surface.

“I’ll dry,” Jimin chirps, selecting a towel and brandishing it. “Noona, do you want to help me? We’ll finish faster that way.”

Nodding, you pull another towel out from the drawer and rejoin the two boys at the sink. Jungkook washes quickly and efficiently, and you determinedly avoid staring at the way water trickles along the patchwork veins on his hands as he gives you bowl after bowl to dry.

It doesn’t take long for all the dishes to be washed and dried. The three of you take the time to put them back into the proper cabinets before bidding your parents a good night, heading out onto the back porch. Falling back into old routines feels like second nature, so you plop down onto the steps without hesitation and grin when Jungkook takes a seat beside you.

“Wait, I almost forgot!” Jimin exclaims, bouncing up from where he was beginning to sit down next to Jungkook. “I bought some beer earlier and left it in the trunk. Be right back!”

You watch your brother run off, his floppy blond hair a stark contrast with the deep blue evening sky. In seconds, he’s disappeared around the corner of the house, leaving you and Jungkook alone on the porch steps.

“Chim really hasn’t changed one bit,” you remark with a laugh, turning toward your dark-haired companion.

Jungkook chuckles. “The kid loves his alcohol, that’s for sure.”

“Please.” You elbow him in the ribs. “I know you’re just as bad as he is.”

“Maybe,” he concedes with another chuckle. “But come on, Noona, you can’t tell me you don’t enjoy a drink every now and then. What about all that college stress?”

You hum, leaning back on your hands and staring up at the sky where the full moon is just beginning to rise, surrounded by a smattering of stars peeking through the velvety darkness of night. “I never said that I didn’t enjoy a drink, or five.” Jungkook laughs at your remark, and you smile before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m glad Jimin got the beer, though. Maybe I’ll finally be able to stop stressing out about my internship.”

That sobers Jungkook up immediately, his eyes widening as he peers down at you and lays a gentle hand on your back. “Are you still worried? You already got the job, didn’t you?”

You nod slowly, thinking back to the job offer that you had accepted at the end of the semester. It had been difficult finding a company in your desired field that offered internships to first-year students, but with dogged persistence and a lot of luck, you’d managed to snag a summer position. It isn’t due to start for another three weeks, however, and while you’re grateful for the chance to visit your family, part of you also wishes that you didn’t have to wait such a long time. “I just have no idea what to expect, you know? The only jobs I’ve ever had were in retail and food service, and that was all ages ago. I don’t feel ready at all.”

A strong arm settles across your shoulders, and you look up to see Jungkook gazing down at you with something indiscernible sparkling in his deep brown eyes. “You’re gonna be amazing,” he murmurs, his voice whisper-soft. “You know that, right? You always are. This won’t be any different.”

And you believe him. Every detail of his face is bathed in silvery moonlight—the gentle slope of his nose, the sharp angle of his jaw, the little scar high on his cheekbone—and you wonder how you never realized how handsome he is before now. And maybe it’s the low, soothing timbre of his voice, or maybe it’s the way he’s looking at you—with unspeakable tenderness and gentle affection glimmering in his irises—but you lean in before you can even realize what you’re doing. You don’t look away, and neither does he.

Jungkook’s gaze drops, trailing down the slope of your cheeks until it lands on the curve of your mouth. He hesitates for a split second, his throat bobbing harshly as he swallows and sucks in a breath.

And then his lips are pressing against yours—soft and tentative and just a little bit chapped. Your eyes flutter shut almost on instinct, your body relaxing as he shifts and pulls you a little more firmly against him. Slowly, his arm finds its way to the curve of your waist and settles there. Your fingers curl around his nape, carding through his silky hair.

It’s only when Jungkook’s tongue darts out to run along the seam of your lips that reality comes crashing back down, your stomach plummeting down to somewhere around your toes as you wrench away from his embrace. “Kookie!” you gasp, your breathing labored. “We can’t!”

Jungkook blinks, momentarily entrancing you with the way the stars reflect in his gaze like glittering diamonds. “Why not?” he asks, reaching out for you again. “You kissed me back, didn’t you?”

Squeaking, you bat his hands away. “Jungkook, no! We can’t! You’re Jimin’s best friend, and god, this is all kinds of weird, and—“

The dark-haired young man looks like he wants to protest more, but the sound of footsteps coming back around the house sends both of you scooting back to your original positions on the porch steps. Jimin appears two seconds later, plopping down beside Jungkook cheerfully and dropping a six-pack of beer at his feet.

“What’d I miss?” he asks, seemingly oblivious to the tension lingering in the air as he pops open a bottle and hands it to you.

“Nothing,” you say immediately, accepting the proffered beer. The cool glass bottle is a welcome relief, and you hurriedly take a long sip when your mind unwillingly begins to wander back to just how warm and soft your dark-haired companion’s lips had been.

Jungkook is much slower to respond to Jimin’s question. His shoulders slump as he reaches down to grab a drink of his own, twisting the cap open viciously and taking a swig. “Yeah,” he mutters, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Nothing at all.”

Luck must be on your side, because Jimin doesn’t seem to notice anything amiss as he grabs a beer for himself and flops backward, resting his weight on his elbows as he gazes up at the night sky. “It’s nice out,” he remarks, looking utterly at ease.

You are anything but. Beside you, Jungkook is sipping pensively on his beer, and you are painfully aware of the heat radiating off his body. Jimin is still chattering away, rambling about whatever pops into his head, and you take the opportunity to sneak a glance at Jungkook. His face is cast in silvery luminescence from the moon, his mouth pulled down into a deep, contemplative frown—and you are once again forced to shake off thoughts of how nice it felt to have his mouth pressed against yours.

This is Jeon Jungkook, you tell yourself sternly. Friend, neighbor, and Jimin’s best friend in the entire universe. You kissed him, sure, but it was a mistake. A moment of weakness. And it won’t happen again.

You repeat that over and over, silently reciting it in your head like a mantra, until, at last, you finally start to believe it.

///

You’re in the middle of brewing a fresh pot of coffee after a lazy morning spent sleeping in when you spot Jungkook outside through the kitchen window. He’s standing in the yard in a sleeveless white tee, wiping at his forehead with the back of his hand as he thoughtfully regards the row of hedges that serves as the property line between your house and the Jeons’ house next door. In his other hand is a shovel, and you can’t help the way your gaze automatically traces his exposed biceps, admiring the way they flex when he finally selects a spot and begins digging.

“Is the coffee done yet, Noona?”

Jimin’s voice yanks your attention away from your gardening neighbor, your vision overtaken by a mess of fluffy blond bedhead as he sneaks into the space between you and the counter and obnoxiously cuts you off from the pot of fresh brew. “Hey!” you protest, but Jimin just gives you a cheeky wink before grabbing a mug and pouring out a generous helping of piping hot coffee. After a moment’s thought, he pours you a mug as well, handing it over with an exaggerated bow.

You roll your eyes, but accept the warm cup nonetheless. Following him into the living room, you make yourself comfortable on the couch as he flops down onto the carpeted floor and turns on the television. Idly, he begins flipping through the channels in search for something to watch, and you endure random snippets of the morning news, a cheesy soap opera, and a series of infomercials before sighing and rising to your feet again. “I’m getting some food. Want some toast, Chimchim?”

“Mmm. Sure.”

Slowly, you meander your way back into the kitchen. Your mother is standing at the counter stirring sugar into her coffee, and you smile as you walk up to join her. “Morning, Mom.”

“Good morning, sweetie,” she says, taking a careful sip of her drink. “Did you sleep well?”

“Like a log,” you reply with a grin. Grabbing the loaf of bread off the counter, you pull out a few slices and shove them in the toaster. “Do you want toast? I’m making some for me and Chimchim.”

“Just one slice for me,” she says, opening up the dish cabinet and pulling out three plates. Obligingly, you hand her one of the two freshly toasted slices and drop the other onto your plate. Popping some more bread into the toaster, you’re just about to grab the jam from the fridge when there’s a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Jimin yells from the living room. You hear the soft pad of his footsteps in the hallway and the low creak of the front door as it swings open—and then your brother is snorting out a laugh at whoever is on your doorstep. “Dude, why are you covered in dirt?”

You’re beginning to have a sneaking suspicion as to who your guest is, and it’s confirmed when your brother’s question is answered.

“I’m helping Mom plant some hydrangeas out back,” Jungkook’s voice explains, his tall figure stepping into view a moment later. “Can you come help me lift the bushes?”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “You could’ve just texted me.”

“Who knows if you would’ve answered?” Jungkook asks, laughing. “Knowing you, you’d just leave me on read. Besides—” and here he glances over at you, dark eyes glimmering with an emotion that you can’t quite pinpoint, “—I wouldn’t get to see two of my favorite ladies if I didn’t stop by.”

Jimin pretends to vomit at the line, but your mother laughs delightedly as Jungkook takes another step into the foyer and flashes her a winning grin. “Good morning, Jungkookie,” she greets him. “Have you eaten breakfast yet? {Name} was just making some toast, and we’ve got fresh coffee.”

Jungkook’s gaze slides over to you again, taking in the flannel pajama pants and oversized t-shirt you’re wearing. “Thanks, Mrs. Park,” he says, though his eyes never leave yours. “I ate already, but coffee sounds wonderful.”

You are beginning to feel increasingly vulnerable as Jungkook continues looking unblinkingly in your direction. Thankfully, your mom pipes up, drawing his attention away with a decisive clap of her hands. “Coffee it is, then!” she says brightly. “{Name}, why don’t you grab Jungkook a cup?”

Hurriedly, you turn toward the cabinets, trying your best to ignore Jungkook as he chats comfortably with your family. Your success is limited though, and you can feel his penetrating stare lingering on your back even as you fetch a mug and fill it up to the brim.

“Noona.” Jungkook’s voice comes from behind you, much closer than you remember him being. “Can I have some cream and sugar, please?”

Somehow, you manage to reply without stammering. “Yeah. Sure.” Dumping some of the excess coffee into the sink, you spoon in some sugar and give it a quick stir. Just as you turn toward the refrigerator for the cream, a strong arm cuts you off.

“I got it, Noona,” Jungkook murmurs, backing you up against the counter as he tucks the little white carton into your outstretched hand. His proximity has your heart skipping several beats, and you almost drop the carton entirely when he speaks again in a husky whisper, his mouth at the shell of your ear. “Just a little bit, please.”

You are acutely aware of the heat radiating off of his body, warming your back and flushing your cheeks. Quietly, you open up the carton and pour a splash of cream into his mug, the swirl of white melding with the dark liquid within. “Is—is that enough?”

Jungkook reaches around you to open up the silverware drawer, grabbing a spoon and giving the coffee a stir. “That’s perfect,” he purrs, his hot breath stirring gooseflesh on the back of your neck.

This close to him, it’s easy to forget where you are and who you’re with, but you somehow manage to regain enough of your senses to wrench away and reclaim your personal space. “G-great,” you stammer, picking up the mug and shoving it into his hands, determinedly ignoring the ripple of his arm muscles as he accepts. “Um. Chim. Did you want your toast?”

“Yes, please,” Jimin says, barely glancing up from where he’s made himself comfortable at the kitchen island, idly playing on his phone.

Your mother pokes her head around the doorframe of the adjoining laundry room, where she has clearly started a fresh load if the sound of splashing water is anything to go by. “Don’t make your sister do all of the work, Jimin. Go help her—it’s your food, isn’t it?”

Obligingly, Jimin hops off the stool and grabs his favorite jar of jam, joining you at the counter. He takes the slice of toast you offer him, slathering it messily and taking an enormous bite. “Thanks for breakfast, Noona,” he says, blowing you an exaggerated kiss. “Ready, Kook?”

Jungkook raises his mug of coffee in acknowledgement. “Ready.” Then his gaze flickers back to you, twinkling with silent mirth. “And Noona—thanks. The coffee’s delicious.”

You can’t find the words to answer. Silently, you watch him disappear out the front door with Jimin, following his dark head of hair as it bobs across the yard. His biceps flex as he gestures for Jimin to help him lift a hydrangea bush, and your eyes linger on the stretch of defined muscle, tracing the network of prominent veins running along his forearm before your brain can caution you to stop. It’s almost as if you’re on autopilot, and by the time you zone back in, your gaze has wandered too far south for your liking. Letting out an audible groan, you tear your eyes away from the mouthwatering view of his thick thighs and return to your now-cold breakfast. And you don’t think about Jeon Jungkook again, pushing the image of his broad shoulders and handsome face into the darkest recesses of your mind.

Or at least, that was the plan. Jimin comes back inside after about an hour, tracking mud through half the house before your mother reprimands him and orders him to take off his shoes. Jungkook, thankfully, chose to return to his own home as well, and you immediately banish the thought of him showering off all the sweat and grime that has no doubt accumulated on his toned body. You shove away the mental image of water slicking his golden skin and collecting in the hollows of his collarbones, and when your mind conjures up pictures of what lies south of his waist, you resist the urge to scream into the pile of freshly laundered pillowcases your mom presses into your arms.

You’re just about to head upstairs to scream into a real pillow when there’s another knock on your front door—a familiar cadence that you heard just this morning. And that’s when you realize—to your complete and utter dismay—that Jeon Jungkook isn’t done tormenting you yet. Not by a long shot.

“You again? You do realize that this isn’t your house, right?” you ask, swinging open the door and thanking whatever gods may be out there that your voice remains steady. Then you raise a brow, glancing down at his change in attire. “Wait, why are you wearing a suit?”

Jungkook gives you an infuriatingly impish grin. “Do I need a reason?” His hair is still damp from the shower, a stray lock flopping down across his forehead, and as you watch him brush it away absently, you notice that he’s holding something in his free hand.

“What’s that?” you ask curiously.

Footsteps sound from behind you, interrupting before he can answer. “Jungkookie?” your mother asks, appearing at the foot of the stairs. “I thought I heard your voice. Are you here for Jimin again?”

Jungkook flashes her a winning smile and raises the garment bag he’s holding. “No, I was actually hoping to get some advice. I’ve got my suit ready to go for graduation tomorrow, but I can’t decide which shirt looks better. My mom likes how I look in blue, but I wanted a second opinion from you and Noona.”

To your utter annoyance, your mother coos and gestures for him to come in. He’s already wearing the blue shirt—a pale periwinkle one that reminds you of a cloudless day—but your mom takes the garment bag out of his hand and unzips it to look inside. “What are your options?” she asks.

“Blue, red, and yellow,” Jungkook replies, pulling each shirt off its hanger and holding them up to his chest in turn. “What do you think, Mrs. Park?”

“The blue is lovely,” your mom says thoughtfully, straightening his collar. “But this shade of yellow looks nice too. A handsome young man like you—you really can’t go wrong with any of these.”

Jungkook grins and scratches behind his ear, trying to hide his embarrassment. “Thanks, Mrs. Park.”

The dryer chooses that moment to beep shrilly, signalling the end of its cycle, and your mother darts off to tend to it, leaving you and Jungkook alone in the living room.

“What about you, Noona?” Jungkook asks, just as you’re about to try and sneak out under the pretense of helping with the laundry. “Which shirt do you like?”

“Does it matter?” you ask. “It’s just going to be hidden underneath those horrible black trash bags they make you wear.”

He laughs. “Sure, but what about before and after? You know my mom’s going to want to take a million pictures.”

“Can’t argue there.” Resigning yourself to your fate, you put your stack of clean pillowcases down on the arm of the couch and cross your arms over your chest. “Show them to me again?”

Jungkook raises the yellow shirt, holding it up for a few seconds before swapping it out for the red. “Well?”

You pause to consider it. “Red,” you decide after some deliberation, pointing at your choice. It’s a deep crimson color—almost burgundy—and you rub the silky material between your fingertips before taking it and replacing it onto its hanger. Jungkook joins you with the yellow shirt, his arm bumping into yours as you both reach for the garment bag, and even though you flinch away from the contact, Jungkook doesn’t let you stray very far. A strong hand clamps down around your forearm, and you inhale sharply when he backs you up against the wall and cages you in with his solid body.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Jungkook looks thoroughly unfazed as he blinks a few loose strands of hair out of his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Jungkook—” you hiss, struggling to see over his shoulder if your mother has returned. “Get off me.”

“Come on, Noona,” Jungkook murmurs. “I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me. Ever since you got back—ever since we kissed—”

“A mistake,” you say, cutting him off with a finger to the lips and glancing around furtively to make sure no one is eavesdropping. “That was a mistake.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow. “Was it? Because I really wanted to kiss you, and I’m pretty sure you wanted to kiss me too. You kissed back, didn’t you?”

“Y-you—“ You clear your throat and try again, cringing at how shaky your voice comes out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

But Jungkook simply laughs. “Don’t I?” He inches closer until you’re chest to chest, his gaze darkening as it flickers downward and lands on your mouth. Your heartbeat quickens, thudding erratically in your ribcage. It would be so easy to push to your tiptoes and close the distance between your lips.

“God,” you huff. “You’re so—”

His other eyebrow rises to join the first. “I’m so—?” he presses, tilting his head as he awaits your answer. The loose lock of hair flops across his forehead again, and this time you cannot stop yourself from reaching up to brush it away.

“Shut up,” you hiss as your fingers drop down to wind into the soft hair at his nape. “Just shut up.”

And then you’re kissing him—really, really kissing him—pulling him down to your level and sliding your free hand up his infuriatingly toned chest.

“See?” Jungkook’s lips curl up into a smug smirk as he pulls away slightly, his warm breath fanning across your cheeks with every word. “I knew you were into me.”

“God, do you ever stop talking?” you retort, pushing him back until you have enough room to switch your positions and maneuver him against the wall.

Jungkook lets you pin him in place, blinking down at you lazily with his mouth still stretched into that maddening little smirk. “Only if you make me, Noona.” His hands slide down your sides, coming to a stop at your hips in an ironclad grip. “Only if you kiss me like that again.”

So you do. Your fingers tighten in his hair as you crush your mouth to his, and when his lips part you slip your tongue inside. Jungkook—still smirking—relaxes and lets you take control of the kiss, but his hands continue to wander. Before you know it, he’s already snuck underneath the hem of your shirt, rubbing warm circles into the soft skin of your waist. His lips move languidly against yours, his tongue careful and gentle in its exploration of your mouth, and you sigh when he tugs you closer. You’re pressed flush against him by this point, pinning him between your body and the wall, and neither you nor he have any intent to move anytime soon.

The sudden slamming of a door jerks you back to reality. Here you are, standing in the living room where anyone could walk by and see you kissing your brother’s best friend—again. Shakily, you pull away from Jungkook with your heart in your throat, putting as much space as you possibly can between your bodies. “Fuck,” you mutter. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. We can’t do this.”

Jungkook’s chest is heaving, his lips swollen and red. “{Name}—” he tries, but you shake your head and cut him off before he can continue.

“You need to leave,” you whisper.

“But—”

“Please,” you say, your heart hammering wildly in your chest. “Please, Jungkook. Just leave.”

Jungkook swallows, hard. And then, much to your relief, he picks up his garment bag, shoving both shirts back inside. “Okay,” he rasps. “I’ll go.”

Elsewhere in the house, you can hear your mother calling for Jimin. Your father is watching TV in his study—you can hear the low hum of voices and a laugh track. Your entire family is here.

And yet, you’ve never felt more alone as you watch Jungkook stride down the hallway and disappear out the front door.

///

Returning to your high school is odd. The hallways and classrooms are familiar, but they all seem smaller than you remember. And were the ceilings always this short? You aren’t sure. What you are sure of, however, is that Jungkook and his family are currently headed your way, with beaming smiles on their faces and colorful flower bouquets in hand. Greetings and congratulations are exchanged, and it isn’t long before you are face-to-face with Jungkook himself, a tight smile on his face as he meets your eyes.

“Hi, Noona.”

“Hi,” you reply. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

Now that the graduation ceremony is over, he’s taken off his robe to reveal the red shirt underneath. The silky material drapes over his torso and clings to the toned planes of his chest, and your fingers itch to run across the defined muscle. Swallowing down the urge, you instead gesture toward his parents, who are engaged in deep conversation with your own parents while Jimin chats with Junghyun off to the side. “I guess we’re all getting dinner after this, huh?”

He nods. “Yeah, at that one place downtow—“

“Jungkook! Jimin!” A feminine voice interrupts him mid-sentence, and you watch in surprise as both your brother and Jungkook are suddenly engulfed in a massive tangle of limbs. Immediately, you recognize Jisoo and Lisa—two girls you considered casual friends from your own high school days. The third girl in the trio of friends—Chaeyoung—is noticeably absent, but you don’t get a chance to question her whereabouts. “Can you believe it? We’re graduates!” Lisa is saying excitedly, still clutching tightly onto Jungkook’s shoulders. She’s pressed flush against him, her chest molded to his, and the sudden rush of jealousy that takes root in the pit of your stomach takes you aback with its ferocity.

Calm the fuck down, you instruct your pounding heart. Stop it, right now.

“Has Tae told you about the party tomorrow night?” Jisoo asks, breaking you out of your thoughts. “You guys better be there—and that means you, too, {Name}! It’s been forever since we’ve seen you!”

You clear your throat and attempt to smile. “Yeah, it’s been way too long. It’ll be nice to finally catch up.” Unwillingly, your gaze flickers back over to Jungkook and Lisa, doing your best to maintain a neutral expression when you notice the casual way his arm drapes over her shoulders.

Your attempts are in vain. Jungkook notices your stare immediately, a massive shit-eating grin spreading across his face. One eyebrow rises in a silent taunt, and you swear his grip around her tightens. Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you instead turn back to Jisoo, finally voicing the question that’s on your mind.

“So, where’s Chaeyoung? I saw her during the ceremony, but haven’t seen her around since. She didn’t leave already, did she?”

“No, she’s still here,” Jisoo answers, exchanging a look with Lisa. Curiosity piqued, you watch her gaze dart over to Jungkook for a split second before returning to you, a tiny smile gracing her face once more. “She’s with her family right now, but she’ll be at the party tomorrow.”

“I’ll congratulate her there, then,” you say, returning her smile with one of her own. Silently, you wonder at the uneasy glance the two girls had exchanged, but decide not to press it, chalking it up to some senior year drama that isn’t any of your business.

“Well, we should probably get going,” Jisoo says after another beat. “We’re off to dinner.”

“We should be on our way too,” you agree, glancing over at where your parents are still chatting, having absorbed Junghyun into their conversation at some point. Bidding the two girls goodbye, you sidle over to join them, trying your best to subtly nudge your parents toward the door.

After what feels like an eternity, your parents finally decide that they’re ready for a change in scenery. The drive to the restaurant is blessedly short, much to the relief of your grumbling stomach, and you are more than grateful for the brief reprieve from Jungkook and his knowing smirk. It doesn’t last long, however, and you mentally brace yourself when you spot the Jeons’ car in the parking lot of the restaurant. Upon entering, you are quickly ushered to your reserved table where the Jeons are already waiting, and somehow in the shuffle you end up right between Jungkook and Junghyun, the former’s face dissolving into a satisfied grin as he watches you sit down.

Then he turns to Jimin, who’s seated on his other side. “Hey, man.”

You bristle at the blatant way he’s ignoring you. But two can play at that game, so you turn to Junghyun with a winning smile, laying a hand on his shoulder for good measure. The older Jeon brother is four years your senior, but despite the age difference, you’ve always gotten along well.

“Junghyun, I haven’t seen you in ages! How have you been?”

The elder Jeon grins and leans in to give you a hug. “Good, good—work’s insane, but that’s old news. What about you? How’s school going so far?”

You can feel Jungkook’s gaze on you, hot and heavy. The hairs on the back of your neck prickle under the weight of it, and you resist the urge to shiver. Instead, you give Junghyun’s bicep a final squeeze before pulling away, steadfastly ignoring the way Jungkook lets out a disgruntled hiss from between his teeth.

“School is good,” you tell Junghyun. “I’m trying to get all my general requirements out of the way early, so my first semester wasn’t very interesting. I took some more focused classes in the second, though, which made things infinitely better.”

The elder Jeon laughs. “Guess that means you’re on the right track then, huh?”

“Guess so,” you reply, laughing right along with him.

The server stops by to take drink orders, and your parents take it upon themselves to order food for the table as well. You continue chatting amicably with Junghyun as the server returns with a tray of water, sodas, and soju; beside you, Jungkook does the same with Jimin. The only break in conversation comes when the server—a pretty girl with a chirpy voice and a nametag that reads ‘Mina’—leans over to set a glass of Coke down in front of Jungkook. He thanks her with a crooked smirk and a low purr of gratitude that has her cheeks flushing pink, and it’s all you can do not to gape at him like a fish. The flirtatious quirk of his lips, the seductive tone—it all comes far too naturally to him, and you wonder for a moment just where the old Jungkook has gone. The Jungkook you used to know stammered every time he had to talk to an unfamiliar girl, and had trouble looking even you in the eye despite having known you since grade school.

But now, he’s nowhere to be found. The young man sitting beside you remains as calm as can be, shifting his body toward Mina so that he can request a straw.

“Of course, here you go!” Mina’s gaze lingers on his hand as he accepts the proffered straw, eyes widening when his fingers brush against hers lightly.

“Fast service,” Jungkook remarks, his voice dipping into a low, indolent drawl. “I like that.”

Mina giggles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She’s clearly about to respond to him—flirt right back, undoubtedly—but your father stands up and taps his glass with a spoon before she can open her mouth. “I want to make a toast,” he says, and you send him a silent, heartfelt thank you when Mina wisely chooses to make herself scarce. “Congratulations to Jungkook and Jimin, our two rad grads!”

An audible groan rises up from your side of the table, where Jimin has buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god, Dad.”

“What?” your father asks innocently. “I really think you’re rad, grad!”

Jimin groans again, muffled by the sleeves of his jacket. “I want the earth to swallow me whole.”

Laughter all around. More toasts are given, and the bottles of soju scattered around the table slowly dwindle down to their last dregs. Junghyun picks up the one closest to him and fills up your glass for the fourth time, drawing a protesting whine from your lips as you try to cut him off. “Wait, that’s not fair! Pour some for yourself too!”

“Relax, we can always order more,” Junghyun says with a laugh, topping off your glass before glancing around to find Mina. Much to your irritation, she’s already headed your way, bearing loaded platters of meat and vegetables and wearing a bright smile that seems to only be directed to Jungkook.

“I hope you’re all hungry!” she chirps, coming to a stop between you and the subject of her affections. You swear she shoots you a dirty look over her shoulder before turning back to the table, her cheerful facade back in place as she smiles at Jungkook. “Where did you want me to put the meat?”

“Anywhere it’ll fit,” Jungkook tells her with a suggestive smirk, keeping his voice soft enough so that only you and she can hear.

Mina cannot hide her answering smile. Likewise, you cannot hide the way your nostrils flare, throat bobbing as you swallow down the ugly feelings bubbling up in your chest. You can feel Jungkook’s gaze roving across your skin, but you refuse to look at him, stubbornly facing the front as Mina distributes food around the table. As soon as she’s departed again—her fingers brushing across the back of Jungkook’s chair in the process—you’re up and out of your seat, heart beating faster than you’d like to admit.

“Restroom,” you say shortly by way of explanation. It’s thankfully empty when you arrive, and you immediately make a beeline toward the sink to splash some cold water on your cheeks.

It’s absurd—this snaking jealousy coiling in your belly and winding up between the slats of your ribcage. Straightening up, you give your reflection in the mirror a stern look, silently willing the feelings in your chest to abate. Gradually, your heartbeat slows into a regular rhythm, your cheeks cooling, and after waiting another two minutes, you decide that it’s been long enough. Drying off your hands, you exit the restroom and wind your way back to the table, keeping your pace leisurely even when Jungkook looks up and catches your eye. His expression is unreadable, and you valiantly ignore his burning gaze as you take a seat.

“How is everything?” you ask Junghyun, picking up a spoon and piling your plate with food from the nearest platter.

Junghyun pauses mid-bite to answer. His mouth opens, but you don’t catch his answer because there is a sudden, heavy weight on your knee. A warm palm caresses the skin exposed by the hem of your dress, slow and sensual and deliberate. Your eyes widen and your lips part, but no sound escapes. The rest of the table’s occupants fade away into the background, conversations and laughter dulling into a low drone. Beside you, Junghyun is still talking, but all you can hear is blood rushing through your ears.

And on your other side, Jungkook is smirking.

The bastard.

Gentle fingertips skim along your skin, leaving trails of fire in their wake. Your entire body stiffens, but Jungkook refuses to relent. He’s still chatting with Jimin, chuckling at a joke you didn’t hear, and you wonder how he can remain so calm when you are anything but. Your heart takes off in a sprint, clattering wildly against your ribcage, and for a few moments you are absolutely positive that everyone at the table can hear. Any moment, one of your parents will look over and see how wide your eyes are and how warm your cheeks feel. Any moment, Jimin will look down and see his best friend’s arm snaking beneath the table and realize what’s happening.

And then Jungkook squeezes your thigh, and all thought flies out of your head, dissipating like fog in the sunlight. He’s growing increasingly bold, his fingers trailing up until he can trace the hem of your dress, teasing at the soft material. Your breath hitches in your throat, and Jungkook’s smirk widens. You can see him out of the corner of your eye, trying to hide his smugness behind his soju glass, and for a moment you’re tempted to throw his drink in his face.

But more than that—more than anything else right now—you want him to continue touching you.

He’s sliding beneath your dress now, inching down to the delicate skin of your inner thigh and tracing nonsensical patterns there. You grip the edge of the table as he trails closer and closer to the lace of your panties, knuckles turning white against the dark wood. It’s a wonder no one has noticed your flustered state yet, and you cast concerned glances at Junghyun and Jimin before Jungkook notices your inattention. Punishingly, he slides a single finger into your panties, snapping the lace against your skin and covering the sound with a cough that he buries in his elbow. He can’t hide the way you jolt in your seat though, your knee thudding against the table. Junghyun gives you a worried look, laying a hand on your shoulder as he asks if you’re okay, and you hurriedly nod. And underneath the table, Jungkook resumes his ministrations, languorous and soft and deliberately avoiding the place you need him most, as if he has all the time in the world.

There’s a growing damp spot between your legs. You can feel it seeping through the cottony material of your panties, sticking uncomfortably to your folds. Jungkook’s touch is whisper-soft, caressing along your thigh until your skin is tingling, and it’s all you can do to swallow down the whimper that’s bubbling up in your throat. He’s thoroughly enjoying this—you can tell—and you’re certain he can feel the way you tense up when he suddenly drags a single finger up your clothed slit. A low hiss escapes your parted lips, and in an instant, all eyes are on you.

“Noona?” Jimin asks curiously. “Something wrong?”

“I—” Your mind whirs, searching for an excuse. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. The, uh, sauce was just spicier than I was expecting it to be.”

You haven’t touched a single thing on your plate in minutes, but no one seems to notice your obvious lie. Conversation resumes, and you determinedly pick up your spoon again, intent on getting something more substantial in your belly than the fluttering butterflies that have taken up residence there.

“You sure you want to eat that, Noona?” Jungkook’s voice reaches your ears—a low, dulcet purr that sends electricity shooting down your spine. “You should probably drink some water to cool down.”

And before you can answer—before you even manage to reach for your water glass—he’s slipped his hand into your panties, the warm pad of his thumb pressing experimentally against your clit. The slight pressure has you gasping, your heart pounding hard enough to leap out of your chest as you drop your spoon. Your hands drop down to your lap—one gripping the edge of your chair while the other finds its way around Jungkook’s wrist, and you aren’t sure whether you’re trying to stop him or spur him on. His arm muscles flex underneath your fingertips, and that’s all the warning you get before he angles his hand, a lone finger sinking inside your drenched entrance.

“Oh, fuck.” You can’t stop the strangled curse that escapes your lips, an airy hiss from behind clenched teeth. Your grip on Jungkook’s wrist tightens, but it doesn’t seem to dissuade him at all as he begins a leisurely pace, sinking deeper into your cunt with each thrust.

Luckily, no one hears your whimper. Sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, you bite back the sounds threatening to spill out and instead focus on maintaining as neutral an expression as you can muster. Beneath the table, Jungkook remains relentless. Even when your mother looks over and addresses him directly, he doesn’t cease his ministrations, keeping both his tone and his pace even as he responds.

“Jungkookie, you’ve barely touched your pork belly. Are you full already?”

“Stuffed,” Jungkook replies smoothly. He punctuates the word by adding a second finger, and you almost bang your knee on the table again, your eyes going wide at his audacity.

Your mother pushes the platter of meat closer to him anyway. “No need to be polite, honey. Here, eat up.”

Obligingly, Jungkook picks out a few pieces with his free hand and piles them on his plate. “Thanks, Mrs. Park,” he says as he brings some to his mouth. “It’s delicious.”

Satisfied, your mother turns her attention elsewhere. Jungkook returns his to you, and you almost groan aloud when his thumb brushes against your clit again, rubbing tight circles around the sensitive bud before he sheathes both fingers inside you once more. There’s a growing heat coiling in the pit of your stomach by this point, lighting every single one of your nerves on fire. Your body is screaming for release, and Jungkook seems more than eager to give it to you. He’s freed his wrist from your grip, leaving you to clutch helplessly at the table as he angles his fingers upward. No doubt he’s searching for the spot that will have you seeing stars, and you know he’s found it when a sudden burst of pleasure spikes through you. Your mouth falls lax, and Jungkook grins, thoroughly satisfied.

There’s something building inside you, something that has your tummy tensing and your toes curling in your shoes. Jungkook’s fingers dig deep, his palm rubbing against your clit with every thrust, and it takes every remaining ounce of your self-control to resist the urge to rock your hips into his hand. A bit more of that delicious friction, and you’ll be falling over the edge. You know it, and so does Jungkook if the smirk on his face is anything to go by.

And then a voice is pulling you back to reality, a warm hand settling on your shoulder. You flinch at the contact, your startled gaze flying up to Junghyun’s, and balk when you see him staring at you with equal parts amusement and concern.

“I—what?” you stammer. “Did… did you say something?”

Beneath the table, you feel Jungkook’s fingers retreat, leaving you empty and aching for release. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Jungkook wipe his glistening hand on his napkin, a frown that can only be described as petulant settling onto his face.

“Whoa, relax!” Junghyun drags your attention back to him, raising his hands in mock surrender. “I just wanted to say goodbye. I have to be up early for work tomorrow, so I’m driving back into the city tonight.”

“Oh!” It takes you a few seconds to process his words. “Right, yeah. Have a safe drive back. It was good to see you.”

“Ditto,” he replies, flashing you a warm grin. “But hey, are you all right? You’ve been a little weird the whole night. Was it the food?”

Gratefully, you seize upon the excuse. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine. I think maybe something isn’t sitting quite right in my stomach, but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about it.”

He nods and leans in for a hug. “Take care of yourself, yeah?”

“You too. Bye, Junghyun.”

With the elder Jeon brother’s departure, everyone else quickly decides that it’s time to disperse as well. You adamantly refuse to look in Jungkook’s direction as your parents fight over the bill, focusing your goodbyes on Mr. and Mrs. Jeon even when he glances your way with a knowing little smirk and a soft murmur of, “Bye, Noona.”

You can’t look at him. Not when every movement reminds you just how damp your panties are, your core begging for relief. Not when he’s waggling his fingers in farewell—the gesture anything but innocent. “Bye,” you warble weakly, before fleeing to the car.

The memory of his fingers burns fresh in your mind later that night as you lie in bed, your hand stuffed down your panties and working furiously to find that sweet, sweet relief.

[flyingraijin]

VARIOUS CHARACTERS X READER

Dynamic: Loss of virginity au

Rating: Explicit - 18+ Only!

Status: Ongoing

Current Word Count: 62 188

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18 YEARS OR OLDER!

All entries exist in the same au but are standalone - entries do not need to be read in order, however it is recommended.

Related Links: main masterlist + ao3 + series playlist

Summary: When the time is right and you're finally ready to give your first to the person you love.

(Or, alternatively; the My Hero characters fuck for the first time)

CHAPTER INDEX

Entry 01 | Silver On Forest Green

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x AFAB!reader

Warnings: Swearing, virginity loss, oral (m+f receiving), mentions of masturbation, creampie, multiple orgasms, soft Izuku, hella unrealistic (this is not what a first time is like at all)

Summary: After dating Izuku for a while, you and he both feel ready to take the next step in your relationship.

(Or, alternatively; Izuku fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 7360

Release Date: 20 September 2021

Entry 02 | Sweet (Like Honey)

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, virginity loss, fingering, dry humping, cunnilingus,  creampie, multiple orgasms, no contraception mentioned, extremely unrealistic (seriously, this is not what losing your virginity is actually like)

Summary: When Katsuki finds out in the worst way possible that Deku is, in fact, not a virgin anymore, he takes matters into his own hands and decides to seek you out.  

(Or, alternatively; Katsuki fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 10 377

Release Date: 11 October 2021

Entry 03 | Body As A Temple

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinsou x fem!reader

Warnings: Insecurity, lot’s of self-doubt, swearing, smut, virginity loss, body worship, praise, vaginal fingering, cunniligus, creampie, vaginal penetration, use of “kitten”, use of “muffin”, slight soft dom!Shinsou, established relationship, this is not realistic, (please, don’t take notes)

Summary: You can hear them when they whisper behind their hands. Always. And it hurts as the doubt starts to kick in. But maybe, just maybe Shinsou knows how to help.

(Or, alternatively; Hitoshi fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 11 683

Release Date: 18 December 2021

Entry 04 | Sickly Sweet

Pairing: Hanta Sero x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, sickness, smut, virginity loss, multiple orgasms, oral (f + m receiving), a lil bit of dry humping, face-sitting, cunniligus, vaginal sex, a little bit of overstimulation, a teensy bit of pain, soooo fluffy (I really went overboard with this one bc im such a simp this man), pussy drunk sero, whiny sero

Summary: Being sick truly is an inconvenience, in almost every aspect of life. Especially so when you’re so close to graduation. But if your reward for getting well again is your boyfriend, Hanta, you suppose it might be worth falling ill more often…

(Or, alternatively; Hanta fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 15 606

Release Date: 22 January 2022

Entry 05 | Cookies ‘n Cream

Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x fem!reader

Warnings: forbidden romance, first time au, third year au, soft smut, swearing, hand jobs, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex

Summary: The rules have been clear for a long time; no messing around, no wasting time on anything that isn't trying to get to the top, and no Shoto Todoroki. At least, until school is over. Your parents have a lot of influence in the hero world, but once you've graduated, you're free from their control. And there's only one more night to wait. 

Only, you've never been the most patient person. And after years of hiding your feelings and your need for him, he's right there now, in your room, close enough to touch. 

(Or, alternatively; Shoto fucks for the first time)

Word Count: 12 440

Release Date: 09 July 2022

COMING SOON!

Entry 06 | One Man’s Treasure

Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima x reader

Warnings: TBA

Summary: TBA

Word Count: TBA

Release Date: TBA

Entry 07 | Inciting Incident

Pairing: Tamaki Amajiki x reader

Warnings: TBA

Summary: TBA

Word Count: TBA

Release Date: TBA

Entry 08 | Snowflakes

Pairing: Touya Todoroki x reader

Warnings: TBA

Summary: TBA

Word Count: TBA

Release Date: TBA

[itsbenedict]

I just finished hosting a 15-person game of Mafia for some friends. One tradition we have for these games is that every death is accompanied by some themed narration, so for my game I opted to spice it up with some art on top. Had to draw it real quick since I didn't know for sure who was going to die next until it happened.

The game's theme was "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure", with the hidden subtheme that all the roles (stands) were named after They Might Be Giants (@tmbgareok) songs! A list of their powers, links to songs, and a recap of the game under the cut.

01) Mogis - 「Flo Wheeler」

02) TD260 - 「Working Undercover For The Man」

03) JGH27 - 「Good To Be Alive」

04) Raya - 「Stone Cold Coup D'Etat」

05) KK / Sahrimnir - 「Thinking Machine」

06) Spontaneous Combustion - 「The Statue Got Me High」

07) Leviwulf - 「Push Back The Hands」

08) DarkFalco - 「I Am Alone」

09) Deli064 - 「Doctor Worm」

10) Fedaykin - 「Letterbox」

11) Surge - 「I Am Alone」

12) Wikxen - 「Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head」

13) Minby - 「Where Your Eyes Don't Go」

14) Bel - 「(She Was A) Hotel Detective」

15) SnakeInABox - 「By The Time You Get This」

Bold roles were Jotunheim (Mafia), normal roles were Johnsburg (Town), and italicized roles were third parties. (Jotunheim is the realm of giants from Norse mythology! The mafia were, in fact, giants! And the town's job was to figure out who might be giants! And the two sides were Jo and Jo! JOKES!)

「Flo Wheeler」 was a town role with a power that was pretty dangerous to the user- if anyone happened to be watching or tracking when a kill took place at night, Mogis would look like they'd visited the target that night in addition to whoever actually did. It could potentially be used to catch a mafioso in a lie, but otherwise it was more of an obstacle for the town to overcome- a miller-type role.

♪ You can't do the time, therefore you didn't do the crime ♪

「Working Undercover For The Man」 was a third-party role working for the Speedwagon Foundation to perform a threat assessment. TD could win with the town, but could win and leave early if he could guess all the names or powers of every other stand in the game. He could scan a name every night, to help that along.

♪ Planning midnight raids / On our unsuspecting fans / While the roadies rig / The video surveillance van ♪

「Good To Be Alive」 was a spin on the usual town doctor role- normally, a doctor can target a player and prevent their death if they would die that night. But... JGH couldn't actually prevent deaths- just fake it. The dead would become ghosts, who couldn't vote and couldn't be killed but were still allowed to talk as if they were alive.

♪ Hello leg / such a shaky leg / Just barely more than decoration ♪

「Stone Cold Coup D'Etat」 was a third party with an unusual win condition. They had to recruit a certain number of people to a private side-chat- and then make sure all those people got killed. Plus, she could redirect anything that happened to her at night to her recruits. If the recruits figured out what she was doing and got rid of her, they'd get a boost to their power.

♪ The bark now commands the trees / The queen is overruled by the bees ♪

「Thinking Machine」 was a town role with a mysterious purpose that didn't seem to make much sense at first. Sah would get, every morning, a strange series of numbers and letters of uncertain origin. It was information, somehow, but how to use it?

♪ Tape has brightening arm connect (Wait, that didn't make sense.) / Self-paint lever itching does! (That made even less sense!) ♪

「The Statue Got Me High」 was a mafia power. As the song describes, the victim is enthralled by the monolith and forced to obey its commands, until their eventual death. That is, Spont could recruit a player to the mafia, but they'd die one night later- and if he wasn't careful, he could die and his recruit would flip back.

♪ And now it is your turn (your turn to hear the stone and then your turn to burn) / The stone, it calls to you (you can't refuse to do the things it tells you to) ♪

「Push Back The Hands」 was a passive ability that caused anything that would happen to Levi- a nightkill, an execution, some other power- to be delayed by one day, giving him some time to react. He'd be told who it was that targeted him, so going after him as mafia was risky.

♪ Screeching tires but never a collision / Endless day without a sunset provision ♪

「I Am Alone」 was a weird one. See, DarkFalco, who was mafia, didn't have a stand as such. She was the stand- and she was the stand of Surge, who was town. They were linked together in everything, meaning the mafia had to work to keep Surge alive on top of their own people. She could send messages to Surge at night to mess with him, though.

♪ Before you fire I should inform you / One of us is a double ♪

「Doctor Worm」 had no real special abilities. His ability was to be pretty good at playing the drums, a power that had absolutely no relevance in a game of Mafia.

♪ I'm not a real doctor, but I am a real worm I am an actual worm ♪

「Letterbox」 was a mafia ability that let Fedaykin pick another player, and offer that player a chance to deliver a private message to one other player of their choice. He could see the "secret" communications, though, and once per game he could edit the message before delivering it.

♪ I'll never know what you'll find when you open up your letter box tomorrow ♪

「Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head」 is a classically mafia ability, but in the hands of a town player: the ability to force another player to vote for another. Normally the manipulated person isn't allowed to say what happened, but there was no such restriction here- confusion's no good for the town.

♪ Memo to myself: do the dumb things i gotta do: Touch the puppet head ♪

「Where Your Eyes Don't Go」 let Minby pick someone else to watch him at night. If anyone visited him to target him with an ability, the person he designated would be told the names of those people. A nasty trap for the mafia, as long as Minby doesn't pick a mafioso to share the information with.

♪ Where your eyes don't go, a part of you is hovering / It's a nightmare that you'll never be discovering / You're free to come and go / Or talk like Kurtis Blow / But there's a pair of eyes in back of your head ♪

「(She Was A) Hotel Detective」 was a very powerful town role- Bel was the cop, and could scan another player's alignment at night, plus track or watch them. Except... not directly. She couldn't scan players- she could scan hotel rooms, and if other players didn't check into the hotel at night or give up their room numbers, her information was useless.

Here are the room numbers, in order: Levi (1) Snake (2) JGH (3) TD (4) Spont (5) Sah (6) Deli (7) Fed (8) Minby (9) Falco/Surge (10) Raya (11) Wikxen (12) Mogis (13).

(Oh, and Thinking Machine's codes were actually encoded versions of her results, and Sah would get a weaker version of her power if she ever died.)

♪ She's got her ear to the walls / And she's tappin' the calls / If you've got a secret, boy / Forget about it! ♪

「By The Time You Get This」 imbued its wielder with the incredible powers of... an estate lawyer! Which meant Snake could leave a will behind when he died, naming another player and casting a vote on them from beyond the grave the next day.

♪ By the time you get this note / We'll no longer be alive / But our skulls are smiling still / At the thought of things to come ♪

So! Here's how it all shook out.

Day 1: The first day is always kind of a tossup, since no one has any information yet, and everyone's just trying to verbally stir the pot. Levi soft-claims his role right out the gate, warning town not to try targeting him or else. Mogis is executed, casting a vote on himself to save the town the trouble of dealing with Flo Wheeler.

Night 1: Spont uses the statue to recruit Wikxen, at the same time that Wikxen forces Snake to vote for Levi. So, now the usually-scum power in the hands of town is in the hands of scum for real. Bel scans room 3, and learns that its occupant is innocent. Raya recruits DarkFalco, and accidentally recruits Surge alongside her, to her surprise. JGH tries protecting Levi, to test if his claim was a bluff.

Day 2: Levi tries to push JGH on the basis of having targeted him last night, but everyone agrees to wait and see if Levi actually dies first. Votes circle around Wikxen and Raya for suspicious-seeming defensiveness on Day 1, and ultimately, when it seems like Wikxen's about to be executed, a small group of players flip their votes at the last minute and vote Raya out while she's asleep and can't defend herself. Rude! She was poised to win the game for herself and the town, since she'd convinced Falco that the mafia would benefit somehow if they were all recruited.

Night 2: The mafia kills Minby- and Minby opts to tell have Fed watch him, wasting his power. Lucky for town, though, Bel happens to scan room 8, confirming Fed is mafia since he volunteered his room number. Wikxen's coat contains a furnace where there used to be a guy.

Day 3: Wikxen forced Snake to vote for J, making him look bad- but Sah begins sharing his bizarre results from Thinking Machine, and Bel confirms that they're a log of her detective power. Then she points out that Fed is mafia, and the town falls in line behind the accusation with Sah to confirm.

Night 3: Spont uses the statue to recruit Bel, to keep any more problematic scans from ruining them. Bel, before being recruited, scans room 10, though- and now the town knows there's something funky with Falco and Surge, because Sah gets the results and knows what they mean. Due to their mismatched alignments, though, the encoded version is still misleading, so there's wiggle room. TD scans Spont and learns his role name.

Day 4: Spont concocts a daring scheme. He has Bel lie and claim to have received an incriminating result on him- so that Bel will be caught in said lie when Sah produces his own results. The plan is to frame Bel, who's a dead girl walking anyway, and clear Spont's name going forward. But the town talks themselves into explaining away the contradiction- even when TD reveals Spont's stand name, and Spont denies it outright and claims 「Combustible Head」, a fake vigilante (town nightkiller) role instead, the town explains away that, too. After a few more people claim, TD260 has completed his mission- his correct guess wins him the game and he leaves. Spont cleverly excuses himself by claiming that TD lied about his role to get him to claim his "real" one. Afterwards, the town ends up executing Deli064 instead, for some reason- poor Doctor Worm!

Night 4: The evidence vanishes from Bel's charred and smoking chair- because JGH tries to protect her at the same time the mafia are killing him! Bel is a ghost now, and the town never finds out her alignment.

Day 5: Bel not dying poses a problem for the mafia, because Spont was supposed to prove his own innocence by pretending to kill her! The mafia tries to misdirect by having Bel lie again, claiming to scan room 10 when she actually scanned room 6, Sah. Ultimately, though, the town is able to coordinate behind killing Surge and Falco, which- because they're linked- is a compromise option that both parties are happy with (when perhaps they shouldn't be).

Night 5: Since Bel is technically dead, Spont recruits again, grabbing Sah and removing the threat of scans entirely. If he'd recruited Snake instead, they'd have won on the spot, since only his will-vote prevented them from winning instantly due to outnumbering the town. We move on to a somewhat redundant...

Day 6: It's now down to five players- Spont, Sah, and Bel vs Levi and Snake. The mafia technically outnumber the town, but Bel's vote doesn't count, and Sah's going to burn the next night- so the town can still win by forcing a tie and then using Snake's By The Time You Get This power to place a vote on Spont. But that's if they can figure it out and get on the same page, and... they don't. There's no way there could be three mafia still alive, so the mafia are able to sow total confusion and ultimately get the town all voting for Bel... who's a ghost, and can't vote or be executed, which the town doesn't know because JGH died before he could fully explain. The execution defaults to Snake, and the mafia win the game.

[theveil-and-thepath]

HOW TO MAKE A PAC FOR YOUR FUTURE SELF

Hi guys! This is a personal preference step guide. I don't know how people do it because I haven't asked nor read it anywhere. The key is that we can use the next steps to make private PACs. I don't know if people do it or its just me. Once you finish writing you often forget what you did, so even you can pick a card in the close future and help yourself when you're lost or just want some fun.

Step 00: eat, rest, be clean, be in touch with your intuition, have a positive intent in mind

Step 01: think of a theme that can turn into a question, let it come to you naturally or pick one you resonate with from a suggestion list

Step 02: think of a spread that will answer your question + your intuitive tool/the deck of cards you'll use/pure intuition

Step 03: think of a deck that resonates with the topic, crystals, objects, or pictures and define how many piles you will pull and choose them

Step 04: read your spread, read your question, look at the card/crystal/object/picture. Mentally connect with the energy of whoever picks that card in the future with the message they need. (alternatively, you can pull the cards before knowing the main card/crystal, but I personally don't do it). Don't think you'll be the one to read, don't give it much thought, just do a general thing - be as generic as you'd be for a ln unknown reader (you really don't know your future self yet!!!).

Step 05: write/speak without worrying about what's coming out. You can edit later.

Step 06: If you're stuck. Stop. Don't discard the cards if you know you pulled them with the right intent. Take a picture or write down the cards. Write the few things that come to mind. You can add and extra layer of cards or make one clarification question, but don't overdo it. Just do it and write down the insights.

Step 07: come back to your writing later, after prayer or meditation. Get in touch with your intuition and edit your writing. Don't make significant changes but you can add new insight/different perspective. Take a look at the spread you got stuck on. Forget what happened. What does it say to you now? Write that down.

Step 08: save it (the photos of the spread, your notes, your recording, whatever you did). Print it. Pick it up next time you're stressed or need guidance. Do it multiple times, during all the moments you're feeling good, and you'll have your own advice, with your own words.

Like this, our higher self can help us in our daily lives. You do it thinking it's a general reading, but it's only for yourself, the person you'll be in the future, no need to watch for language or filter too much. It's past you talking to future you.

Remember: you'll pour as much love as if it were a reading for a dear friend of yours.

⭐I hope this exercise helps you with channelling intuition, reading the cards, and practicing self love ⭐

[cake-and-spades]

Tell me about internalized arophobia please, thanks

I have been struggling with putting down my thoughts/ feelings for this ask for months, and I finally just did what I do best and did some research. I looked up internalized homophobia and obviously not all of these will apply to arophobia (or to everyone) but it’s a good place to expand from!  I’m so sorry this took so long anon 😭

Bold text is taken from the Rainbow Project (LINK) with anything I added in plain text underneath.

Trigger warnings for things mentioned but not described in detail, take care of yourselves y'all:

homophobia / transphobia / biphobia / arophobia / etc

self harm

abusive relationships

drinking / substance abuse

suicide

pedophilia

(if I've missed any please let me know and I'll add them above)

01. Denial of your sexual orientation to yourself and others.

Fun fact: for the first like 2 weeks after I found out what aromanticism was I refused to identify as aro because of like, the crushing fear and disappointment and the belief I’d never be happy. And of course I *had* to experience romantic attraction some day, I just *had* to, *everyone* does. (Oof)

02. Attempts to alter or change your sexual your orientation.

Do I even need to explain this one? “Maybe if I just try hard enough I’ll start liking someone. Fake it till you make it, right?”

03. Feeling you are never good enough.

Personally, whenever I used to think about platonically dating people/ having nonromantic partner(s) I’d start getting down on myself and think “they deserve a Real (TM) partner, a Romantic (TM) partner, they deserve more than the disappointment I would be” or alternately, the thought that I’m disappointing my parents by not giving them a child-in-law & grandchildren

04. Engaging in obsessive thinking and/or compulsive behaviours.

Not sure exactly how this one could relate, perhaps in obsessively seeking out romance (in fiction or irl) or exposing yourself to it knowing it makes you uncomfortable ?

05. Under-achievement or even over-achievement as a bid for acceptance.

The whole who gets to be an "ally" because they aren't *really* LGBT+ comes to mind

06. Low self esteem, negative body image.

Self explanatory, but I will also add: not wanting to be seen as a Romantic Person, policing your actions and your body / body language so no one could ever see you as anything other than Platonic or friends with benefits. Disliking the parts of you that are typically coded by society to be "romantic" things.

07. Contempt for the more open or obvious members of the LGBT community.

Self explanatory but also: Gatekeeping. I’m thinking especially gatekeeping people who aren’t “aro enough” to be considered aro (you will always be "aro enough" as long as you ID as aro!)

08. Contempt for those at earlier stages of the coming out process.

Contempt for “cringey aros / aces who make the whole community look bad / childish / heartless” when they are just discovering themselves and having a good time (and many times are just kids)

09. Denial that homophobia, heterosexism, biphobia or sexism are serious social problems.

The thought: “Sure arophobia exists, but it isn’t a *real* problem like homophobia / transphobia / biphobia” Alternately: “yeah it’s not perfect, but it’s not like I have *real problems*”

Also a personal note: I didn't like. recognize that we live in an arophobic society? Like society definitely wasn't built for us but Baby Aro me refused to understand that.

10. Contempt for those that are not like ourselves or contempt for those who seem like ourselves. Sometimes distancing by engaging in homophobic behaviours – ridicule, harassment, verbal or physical attacks on other LGB people.

This one is similar to the ones above.

11. Projection of prejudice onto another target group.

Terfs, gatekeepers, etc

12. Becoming psychologically abused or abusive or remaining in an abusive relationship.

Self explanatory :( But especially: staying in a relationship even though it's hurting you, whether because of your partner or just because it isn't a good fit for you as an aro person.

13. Attempts to pass as heterosexual, sometimes marrying someone of the other sex to gain social approval or in hope of ‘being cured’.

Y’all ever faked a crush or just chosen one at random? Y’all ever dated someone you knew you didn’t “like” like while hoping you’d catch feelings someday or thinking it was like, the natural “next step” for your friendship? Y’all ever fear that some day everyone would find out you “”weren’t normal?”” Y’all ever cry bc you know you’ll never love a partner the way they’ll love you, because their love is “”more pure/ real”” or some bullshit???? It's the internalized arophobia 😌

14. Increased fear and withdrawal from friend and relatives.

"They won't like me anymore when they realize I'm not the same as them" "They'll see me differently" etc etc etc

15. Shame or depression; defensiveness; anger or bitterness.

Self explanatory :(

16. School truancy or dropping out of school. Also, work place absenteeism or reduced productivity.

Self explanatory, avoidance of problems and people

17. Continual self-monitoring of one’s behaviours, mannerisms, beliefs, and ideas.

This one seems like it would tie in with #6, specifically monitoring yourself for the Correct Amount of romance, even if you're faking it.

18. Clowning as a way of acting out society’s negative stereotypes.

I have nothing to add here

19. Mistrust and destructive criticism of LGBT community leaders.

I don't think I need to elaborate on this one askdjfdkj

20. Reluctance to be around or have concern for children for fear of being seen as a paedophile.

God I don’t even know why I have this specific internalized arophobia/homophobia. Like??? It doesn’t make sense from an aro perspective but boy do I got it. I love kids and I have an education degree, but am still constantly afraid people see me as a creep

21. Conflicts with the law.

22. Unsafe sexual practices and other destructive risk-taking behaviours-including risk for HIV and other STIs.

Lack of care and respect for self :(

23. Separating sex and love, or fear of intimacy. Sometimes low or lack of sexual drive or celibacy.

I mean some of this is natural and healthy for aros by nature of being aro, but fear of intimacy. Fear of being Known

These last two are self explanatory :(

24. Substance abuse, including drink and drugs.

25. Thinking about suicide, attempting suicide, death by suicide.

https://www.rainbow-project.org/internalised-homophobia/