#note she already knew I'm a furry

[foxgirlgenerator]

You know that video of the furry's sister freaking out when she finds out they are a furry?

My housemate saw this on my car just now... I wish I had been filming, it could have been the sequel.

Art by tonfoxsu

[amuseoffyre]

Fyre's convention adventures - Day 1

I've never done a con before, but for the chance to meet 5 of the folk from my favourite little pirate show, of course I was going to break that streak. Especially since it was a convention entirely focused on them and the show.

And since this is liable to get long, lemme put a lil snip

Since it was a hotel con and only focused on the one show, it was a lot smaller and more intimate than the more intimidating scale (to me) of Comiccons and things like that. Plus loads of people I knew already from fan meet-ups and things were going, which made it sound a lot more fun.

It was also the time for the wider OFMD fan community to meet the OFMD muppets :D My priority was to take down all of the characters of the cast who would be attending, so 5 in all: my latest Stede, Izzy, a new Calypso, Lucius and Jim. And two extras on commission - a second Stede and a full-body Ed in his Penitence Onesie. Seven in all 😅

I had three of them shipped down special delivery and the other four filled my case. Thank goodness for a generous hand-luggage allowance is all I can say. It also turned out to be the best decision of my life to bring them because they cause chaotic joy all over the place.

Did a bunch of mingling and scheming (more details on the Elusive Birthday Scroll later) and then the opening night and got to say it never stops being surreal seeing people off the telly in the same room as you.

Since I was treating myself to the gold ticket, I got to go along to the fanmeet which is basically a group of 8 at a table get a few minutes with each of the guests, speed-dating style (we also did chair rotation so everyone got a chance to sit beside the guests). Since we had enough muppets for nearly everyone, lo, we had them arrayed around the table on peoples' laps :)

I'm gonna do a brief summary of each, pulling in from my notes made the morning after as well.

First up was Vico when I was sitting by the guest seat and I got exactly the "OMG!" reaction I had hoped for when they saw the puppets❤️ Turns out they're super into puppetry (as is their partner) and have been incorporating it into their drag routines and have been planning to do a lot more with it with mention of an N'Sync style puppet routine for themself as well.

They also talked about an actor they've been compared to for years - Roberta Colindrez - and that they have recently done some work together and it made Vico realise that they are the muppet version of Colindrez in human form XD They are so animated as well, all hands all moving all the time :D I also said if I could arrange it, I'd try and get the puppet to them if they wanted it (Con rules are that you can't hand gifts directly to guests)

Nathan was second and went "ooooh those are all so creepy... except that one. He's gorgeous" about the Lucius puppet :D He chatted a bit about the show and adamantly insisted that he is a professional actor no matter what the sandwich to the head scene tells you.

Kristian was our third and for the first time in my life, someone recognised my accent as Scottish 🥹 Turns out we both have family from similar parts over here :D We had a nice chat about the places people were all from around the table.

And, of course, he got to see and hold Calypso :) Unlike all my other muppets, I redesigned her specifically for him. My usual design, the neck would be too small, so instead, I left the back of her head open and scaled up the body with a flat base.Course, he didn't know this and went a-seeking the hole 🤣 I explained she'd been redesigned and he had a chuckle about the fact "I went straight under the skirt there" :D "She's got better make-up than me" as well :D

And when I told him she was for him, his eyes went as big as Puss in Boots. And of course, then started pondering what would happen if he crossed her with his furry Calypso muppet and what kind of babies they would have. Probably furry XD

Next up was Con and with the most perfect timing, he arrived at the table just as one of our gang was shoving their hand right up the Izzy muppet 🤣 "Blooooody hell," says he and just has a good look around at all the mups. Asks who made them and all fingers point my way and he was out of his chair in an instant and around the table to give me the biggest hug and tell me "these are genius".

There may have been a bit of blue-screening in that moment and mental declarations of fealty.

I don't even remember how he ended up holding the Izzy muppet (or why he ended up giving it a snog 🤣), but he happily cradled it for the rest of the chat and looked very thrilled when I said that he could have it after the con if he wanted. Topic moved on and led to discussions of the boyfriend of one of the attendees, who made an... impression on him. Relating to size. And proportion. And how bits... fit 🤣

When asked about cars, he said he likes something sturdy and reliable and a bit like him and someone said, "what? A mini?" XD He also would like to go back to theatre, but says it would absolutely have to be the right piece. There have been discussions but they fell through, and he's off back to America to do some filming this week.

And lastly, with me back in the guest-neighbour-seat, it was our captain, who is very excited about getting back on the road with his stand-up tour and has lots of other bits of work coming his way.

He also talked about the fact that OFMD isn't going anywhere. He compared it to shows like Fawlty Towers, where there's the kind of humour and character stuff in there that was good and funny and loved for years, despite not running long at all.

The Star Trek stuff wot he can't talk about has him all excited but he would also love to do Doctor Who, ideally as some kind of helpful alien, though he wouldn't mind playing a bad guy.

He'd also like to do Star Wars at some point, but after they've stopped doing this oversaturation stuff, because there is so much of it all pouring out all of the time and they've lost sight of the heart of it. He loved Rogue One, though, so more like that :)

They were all so lovely and attentive and enthusiastic and it genuinely did just feel like sitting down for a chat with a bunch of friends. And so. frigging. funny in such different and fantastic ways :D It was definitely a great start to the weekend and it only escalated from there :)

There was some music and discoing, but after early travel and much dashing about, honk-shu time was calling and day one of the Fyre's first con experience was done :)

[bumblebeehug]

I'm starving for nalu angst content. Please feed me?

i shall feed you with some of the best angst i can muster<3 thank @zuzu-fairys-tail for prompting this tihi

For the sake of Love

Summary: Natsu makes a mistake that drives him away from Lucy, but when he returns, he's forced to face the aftermath. Notes: This fic works as a stand-alone, but makes direct references to "Unrequited Love" Part of this series Ao3 - FF.net (original version)

***

Natsu had never thought about love as something he would experience. He had seen other people express it, claiming that their life didn’t start until they met their significant other. He heard them talk about needs, desires, communication and other otherworldly things – otherworldly, he called them, because couldn’t this apply to anyone? Why did it have to be a specific person? Why them?

He once asked Gray about this. He mentioned his relationship with Juvia, how they had been going steady ever since the team got home from the hundred years quest, but that he couldn’t understand where their original relationship had gone. Their yandere-tsundere act, their genuine friendship – had he really given it up for the sake of “love”?

“They cohabit,” was Gray’s curt answer, clearly disgusted having to talk about feelings with an idiot like Natsu.

No matter how much Natsu pressed him after that, Gray wouldn’t elaborate. Cohabit. He asked Levy for a definition, and came to the conclusion that that’s what he and Happy did. Lived together, spent time together, cared for each other. Except, he wouldn’t marry Happy even if he stood at gunpoint, so Gray couldn’t have been serious. He kept the real information for himself, the actual secret behind normal love and romantic love – what they meant and what differentiated them.

Before Natsu met Lucy, he was going through a troubled period in his life. He had spent so much time alone ever since Lisanna died. His home was dusty and empty, any time he spent in Magnolia was spent at the guild hall, and even his time there was limited to when he was between missions. And those missions then – they would last for weeks at a time, and anytime he found a lead on Igneel, he would follow it, resulting in more time spent away. It could go days between his last conversation with humans, though luckily he didn’t go anywhere without his blue furry pal.

Then Lucy entered the picture. If Natsu hadn’t been talking a whole lot before, now he barely got a word in edgewise. Except, he didn’t dislike hearing her chatter away like there was no tomorrow. It filled his brain, the empty space that normally made his loneliness echo throughout the night. Lucy was a breath of fresh air in comparison to speaking to anyone else in the guild. They all knew him for his losses – losing Igneel, losing Lisanna – but here he had a girl who didn’t define him by these things. She valued Natsu for his current self, the one she had met in Hargeon, who was strong, friendly and reliable. He appreciated this – he didn’t have to feel out of place when he entered the guild. Plus, she was easily impressed by all he had to offer. It was almost too good to be true.

After her, the world shifted. He was once again finding joy in the simple things. Jobs became more intricate and engaging, and even when the reward was butchered he’d always leave with a good feeling in his stomach. He enjoyed hearing her explain plants she saw on the way home from the job, and though he never enjoyed trains, he felt at ease knowing she wouldn’t leave him on it. Lucy became his ground pillar, the safety line that kept him from falling. Soon enough he found himself looking towards her every time he outdid himself. He wanted to know that she had seen, that she knew how far he had come. And the best part was that every time he searched for her eyes, she was already looking at him. Her support was unwavering.

At least, that’s what he thought. Lucy was always going to be there, searching for him, aiming all her attention to Natsu. He believed that her door would always be wide open for him, and if it wasn’t, he’d be granted an open window – something that told him that she wanted them to connect. For years, that was true. He had landed in the fact that he loved her presence, and she loved his. That their friendship was beyond just friends – soulmates would be more accurate.

But Natsu felt inadequate. Like he was failing at being a normal human. He had been haunted by the fact that he never was seen as any other guy – he was always a dragon, a demon, or in some cases a dunce. Truthfully, he didn’t want that. So one day he took a look at himself, and at other guys his age, and did a comparison. What was it Natsu did wrong, where did he fail as a human?

It didn’t take long to notice it. Almost every guy his age had been with, or currently was with, a partner. Not in the way Lucy was a partner, though he often referred to her as such, but in a dirtier way. There was jealousy, touching, tasting and biting, not always confined to a private space, seeing as he had noticed all this just in the guild hall. Jet had yet another girlfriend fuming with anger as she ran out of the bar area – she had apparently had enough of being compared to Levy. Natsu didn’t actually crave that sort of love, but he still couldn’t help but search for it.

The day he met her, he was on a solo mission. Happy and Lucy were visiting the Exceeds, but Natsu wanted some extra money for food, so he’d gone alone on a quest to catch some dark wizards before they got their hands on a sacred jewel from the village. It was walking distance, the pay was good, and Natsu would get to let off some steam: it was the perfect mission. What he didn’t know was that within that group of wizards, there’d be a mage with the most captivating looks.

Her light blue hair and fierce, deep green eyes had him captured. Not captured enough to avoid him from defeating the group, but enough to make him feel like he couldn’t help but to try to talk to her. Surely she’d come over to the good side if they had a good heart to heart? Natsu was confident that all she needed was some TLC: a warm shower, a proper conversation, and a soft bed to sleep in.

That night, Natsu did things he’d never done before. She had kissed him, and to his initial surprise, he had kissed her back. The small voice in the back of his mind, worrying about Lucy, was quickly pushed away. This was what he wanted – he had waited for a moment like this for years. A chance to hop on the train to being a normal guy, someone with girlfriends, exes, an emotional life. So under the sheets they went: he believed their activities would come to an end after this, resembling something of a “one night stand” as he’d heard people call it.

Man, was he wrong. The lust that awoke within him suddenly felt untamable: he needed her to satisfy him. It was years of pent up longing, though he still wasn’t sure for who he had longed. She seemed quite satisfied with their relationship though. Their sessions were intense, only lasting a day a month, so whatever they had could be kept a secret. Lucy and Happy didn’t have to know.

But soon enough, the two of them came to talk before and after their meetings. They’d talk about anything at first: the weather, recent news from the area, things that had happened on missions they’d gone to – she had listened to his advice way back then and started up as a novice witch, freelancing her way around while she got used to the good side of the wizarding world. Natsu was thrilled, because now he could share his struggle: they were both equally destructive in their ways. Between sessions they’d find themselves comparing ways they destroyed towns: Natsu still winning by a landslide, though to be fair, they weren’t yet exactly on common ground. She had many years ahead of her to sharpen her tactics – if getting more destructive was part of it, then so be it.

Natsu loved her ways. He found himself thinking this quite often. He loved how she laughed, how she moved, the things she did. Never having felt this before, he quickly got swept away by the intensity. Suddenly he met up with her multiple times a week, not even to do anything dirty – just to talk to her. She seemed to share his sentiment, not really initiating any major sessions unless the mood was really there: she was clearly interested in him back. When Natsu realised this, he thought he’d finally gotten back the good karma he’d collected over the years, that the universe owed him.

Before he could ask her out properly though, he felt like he had to stop this secrecy. He hated not being able to tell Lucy about things, and it felt weird that she knew everything about Lucy, while she knew nothing about her.

The plan was to just kindly drop the ball in Lucy’s lap. He’d tell her about her, keep his description of her short and clean, and then she’d slowly get used to the idea. It’s not like he didn’t know how special their relationship had been lately: they’d kept up the husband-wife act, she allowed him to share her bed, though nowadays he longed for her smell in it (he couldn’t tell Lucy that of course), they ate almost all meals together, and still went on missions. The only difference was that he was starting to like the idea of doing these things with her as well. And even he knew that he couldn’t have both: he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too.

His confession to Lucy hadn’t gone as he’d planned. He had taken her to this diner across Magnolia, made sure they took the long way there so they could enjoy their company a bit before he put his big news out there: in hindsight he realised it must have led her on. When they sat down, Natsu could barely contain himself. As soon as drinks were ordered, he grabbed her hands, sparkled in his eyes, and dropped the bomb.

“Lucy, I think I’m in love.”

As soon as he said it he let everything about her spill out. He couldn’t stop talking, it felt like he was in a daze: it felt so incredibly good being able to talk about this. To Lucy nonetheless. In fact, if you asked him then and there, he’d tell you he was in his version of heaven – and that being said knowing how great sex with her was. This, however, didn’t compare. Him and Lucy, no secrets, and he was in love. He’d be dancing on the table if the establishment was slightly less refined. So he talked and talked, about midday blue hair and eyes green as the forests from his childhood: and he didn’t see the way Lucy pressed her lips into a thin line, how tears threatened to build up in her eyes, or how her heartbeat got heavier. These were all things he would realise once he arrived back home, but wouldn’t be certain if it he’d just imagined or not.

If Natsu could go back in time and change how he had told Lucy, he absolutely would have, without a doubt in his mind. But that was only because in hindsight, he realised that Lucy might have harbored deeper feelings for him. He hadn’t realised it at first, dense as he often could be, but it was apparent once he took his usual trip to Lucy’s apartment just to find her doors locked, her windows closed and her blinds drawn. It was weird, caught Natsu off guard, and left him with a gruelling, dull ache in his chest. Did he prompt her to do this? Not wanting to draw any hasty conclusions, he went back every day the following week. Surely he’d catch her going outside to get groceries one of these days? But to his terror, she didn’t.

When he asked the guild about Lucy’s whereabouts, all he got was curt, dismissive answers. In a way, that answered his question: he was the cause of this. Even Happy had turned against him: he now spent most of his time in Lucy’s apartment. Natsu couldn’t blame him: he hadn’t told him about her until right after he’d gotten home from telling Lucy. Happy was Natsu’s oldest friend, so it was natural he’d hold a grudge if Natsu didn’t tell him about important things in his life. But that he’d be cooping up at Lucy’s place was the thing that set his theory in stone: Lucy must have had a crush on Natsu. There really wasn’t any other explanation. Happy was attached to Lucy, sure, but there had to be some sort of resentment from Natsu not going out with Lucy instead of the girl. Happy could be territorial in that way – he didn’t want new people to come and steal away Natsu’s attention.

For months things were weird in the guild. Natsu never knew how reliant the guild was on his and Lucy’s team: without them all working together as usual, it was like the mood in the guild hall had gone grey and stale. Natsu focused on solo missions, secretly doing them with her so he could get any extra help he might need. Sometimes it bugged him that Lucy wasn’t the one with him, but he brushed it off as just not being used to teaming up with someone who didn’t have the diversity of 15 different celestial spirits close by. Though it happened that he’d feel annoyed when she ignored clear instructions once again, causing double the amount of damage that was necessary for the mission. He suspected he was learning how it must have been working with him all these years.

Natsu couldn’t help but act like a busybody when it came to Lucy. He had promised himself to stay out of her business, but when he heard that she was looking thinner, he worried she didn’t have enough money for both rent and food: soon he started slipping a couple of thousand jewells to her landlady. Just so she’d keep her eye on Lucy for him.

One day he saw her there, in the guild, at the table with Levy and Cana. Before she noticed he was there she looked almost exactly like she used to: radiant, happy, gorgeous. The second she laid her eyes on him, her entire aura changed. With it, her normal appearance seemed to fade away as well. Suddenly he saw every pore in her face, felt her ragged breath in the air, noticed deep under eye bags contrasting the paleness of her skin. Her cheeks were sunken in and her muscles deflated – had he done this to her?

That’s when he started with the sympathy-smiles. He felt as stupid doing them as she probably felt receiving them, but before he could get out of it, it had become a habit. He’d draw the left side of his mouth, his lips pressed together as the corner of his mouth tried to turn into something of a smile, though it’d fail every time before it had a chance to turn upwards. Everytime he did it, he’d hear her swallow hard, smell tears in her eyes, and he’d feel the burning eyes of any fellow dragon slayers in the room – they all blamed him.

Natsu wasn’t sure he enjoyed living life like this. He loved her, without a doubt: they had finally become a couple, enjoying their date nights to the fullest. But even though he considered her a kindred spirit, he felt like something was missing. He wanted some contrast in their relationship. They could talk about something, find a word they didn’t quite understand, and then… silence. Silence where Lucy would kindly take her time and explain the word, its origin and how it was used: often with a couple of synonyms as well. That was how he even knew the word synonym. It was all thanks to Lucy.

Once, when they were thirty minutes into an intimate session, Natsu accidentally called out her name. Not her name, but Lucy’s. A faint whisper, right by her ear, making her jump out of bed quicker than he’d ever seen her move before.

“What did you just say?” She was grasping at her clothes, gathering them from the floor, distraught painted all over her face. “Lucy?”

Natsu fell over in bed, hurrying to cover his goods with the blanket.

“I- I don’t know. I didn’t mean to,” he tried. It was in vain, he realised, as he watched her blue curls swoosh with her very violent shaking of her head.

“No. It’s- it’s too weird, Natsu. I’ve known that you’ve loved her for a really long time, but I was stupid to think I could make you get over her.” She had tears prickling the corners of her eyes, though it looked like she was keeping them in check for now. She’d probably let them out as soon as he was out of sight. She tended to do that. Cover up any sign of weakness in case Natsu’s opinion of her would change. Maybe it would. He wasn’t so sure of himself anymore.

“Love? I don’t- not with her,” Natsu pressed his lips into a thin line, like his mouth had grown accustomed to recently. He never seemed to do his signature grin anymore: there was always something stopping him.

“How couldn’t it be love, Natsu? You always talk about her, you’ve preached to me how she changed your life! You’re one of the most romantic people I’ve ever met, but you were never romantic with me. It wasn’t me who you uprooted a tree for. It wasn’t me you turned into a demon for.” Her bottom lip quivered. “I know you want to love me. Maybe you do. But it will never compare. I’m sorry. Let’s end this here.”

Maybe she was right. Natsu watched her as she pulled on her pants and her shirt. He didn’t feel like stopping her from leaving. He didn’t like seeing her cry, but he wasn’t ready to do anything in his power to stop her. Though, his resolve on crying girls had been weak since some time back, considering that he didn’t drop everything in his life to stop Lucy from doing it. He’d become very similar to guys he had no respect for: he hated this.

When she was almost out the door, she stopped a second. Just a split second, hoping that he’d run forward to stop her. A quick glance over her shoulder: he looked like he was in his own world. She wasn’t sure he had ever really cared about her. In her eyes, they were practically kids, just swept away in the heat of the moment. His short obsession with her had only been a quick infatuation in comparison to what he had with Lucy. Everywhere they went, on every date, every topic: Lucy had seemed like a third party in their relationship. He spoke of her like she was the greatest person in the world, and though she couldn’t help but harbor a tiny bit of resentment for her, she also knew that Lucy must be a pretty amazing girl if she had managed to capture a flighty guy like Natsu.

__________

Natsu stayed at that hotel for a couple of days. He’d only told people he’d be gone for the night, back in the morning again, but they didn’t come looking for him despite his brief disappearance. He still couldn’t completely grasp what he’d done, but with every hour in that bed, the place he’d called out for Lucy instead of her in the depths of his passion, he found himself deeper in his realisations: he had fucked up.

He laid in unrest under the tan covers of the hotel duvet. He’d spent the last six months in his life in a daze, and now everything was rushing back to him in waves of regret, making him feel ill. He didn’t know how to fix this: life had turned upside down. He had messed up so badly, leaving his perfect life with Lucy and the guild, for a brief period to feel like a normal, shitty guy in puberty. Was it worth it? Destroying years of intimate friendship, breaking up the best team Fairy Tail had ever seen, leaving Happy behind to have irresponsible fun with a girl he barely knew?

He appreciated the time he’d gotten to spend with her, he really did, but it didn’t compare. Nothing gave him the sense of satisfaction that he’d reach from succeeding at a really silly prank in Lucy’s house. She didn’t give him the butterflies Lucy had given him when she traced flowers on his shoulder in the dead of night. 

Natsu was still confused. The relationships he’d experienced were so vastly different: but didn’t he do everything right? He gave the nasty love a chance, to save his love for Lucy from the dirtiness. He thought he’d juggled the two of them, one would fill his body’s desires and the other his soul’s. Lucy wouldn’t have to see him as the horrid person he really was behind closed doors. She got to see everything else: his happiness, sadness, everything that made him the person he wanted to be. Surely she wouldn’t accept him if she knew the dirty dreams that would leave his underwear soaked in the morning. He didn’t accept that version of himself: how could she?

When he stood up from his fetal position in his bed, and finally went to the bathroom to wash his face, he didn’t recognise the person looking back at him in the mirror. It was him, technically. Pink hair, sharp, monolid eyes, pointy teeth. But he had wrinkles between his light eyebrows, his mouth couldn’t curl into his normal grin: his eyes didn’t follow his commands. He pulled at his cheek. Those lips had kissed her more times than he could count. They felt dry, and looked pale in the reflection. These weren’t lips allowed to kiss someone as important as Lucy. No, he was completely inadequate. His hair was choppy, after having tried to cut it back to his normal lengths with a pair of kitchen scissors. Cancer wasn’t able to help him with that anymore, but he missed how soft his hair could feel after 5 minutes under Cancer’s care.

His neck looked thin and stretched out, faint marks from passionate kissing the night before, still left on the sides. For some time he’d at least be able to cover it up with his scarf. His eyes continued to scan what the reflection showed him: his bronzy skin had a gray tint, his hair looked duller, and then those eyes. A bit red from not getting any sleep last night, but more importantly: they had completely lost whatever sparkle they had before. He wasn’t sure when he’d last taken a good look at himself – maybe this dullness came from the break up with her, but honestly? Deep down he knew he’d lost it months ago. It was like the horrible actions he’d consistently made had slowly desaturated him, leaving him an empty shell of what he once was. There was a time when he was proud of what he saw: he was righteous, tough and had a fiery determination – where had it gone?

He threw his scarf back on and went back to bed. Could he really deal with Lucy when he came back? Would she let him talk to her? He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. But in a way, he thought he owed her at least the truth. He wasn’t completely sure what the truth was yet: if it was his love for Lucy he wanted to convey, or his regret over his past actions.

The thoughts churned in his mind like a storm that refused to settle. He turned in bed, his body refusing to settle. Soon enough the night was there again, coming back to taunt him: keep him up at night and make him reflect on the life that had led him up to this. It was all his fault. He had to gather himself though. Not able to figure out where to start, knowing this couldn’t go on. He owed Lucy something – an apology, a confession, or maybe just the clean cut, yet gory truth about what a mess he had become. Even if she slammed the door in his face, even if she never spoke to him again, he needed to face her. He needed to fix at least one broken thing in his life, even if it wasn’t repairable.

Morning light streamed in through the thin hotel curtains. It painted the room in soft, warm tones that felt at odds with the cold knot in his chest. Natsu sat on the edge of the bed, hands clasped tightly together as if trying to stop them from shaking. He’d never felt fear like this – not when he faced dragons, dark guilds, or any of the countless battles he’d endured. No, this was different. This was the fear of standing in front of someone he loved and knowing he had ruined everything.

His scarf felt heavier on his shoulders as he adjusted it. It smelled faintly of ash and campfire – a comforting remnant of the person he used to be. He clung to that thought as he forced himself to his feet. Every step toward the door felt like dragging a mountain, but he kept moving. He didn’t pack anything; there was nothing worth keeping from this place except the lesson it had burned into him.

The guild would notice his return soon enough, and he had no illusions about the reception waiting for him. Anger, disappointment, maybe even indifference – he wasn’t sure which would be worse. But none of it mattered. His focus wasn’t on Fairy Tail, nor on repairing his reputation. He wasn’t coming back to make amends with the guild. He was coming back for Lucy.

As he stepped out into the bustling street, the cool morning air hit his face, and for the first time in days, he took a deep breath. It didn’t cleanse him, not really, but it steadied his steps. He didn’t have a plan, and his words were as jumbled as his thoughts. All he had was the drive to see her, to stand in front of her and let her see what he couldn’t put into words.

Because if there was one person in this world who could look at him, broken and lost, and still see something worth saving, it was Lucy. And for that, he owed her everything.

__________

The streets leading to Lucy’s apartment felt eerily familiar, but every step carried a weight he couldn’t shake. Magnolia was alive as always – shopkeepers setting up for the day, townsfolk chatting – but the world seemed muted to him. His thoughts drowned out the noise, focusing only on the path ahead. He didn’t dare to look up, in case he’d see any familiar faces. The shame and guilt he dragged along him surely made his face look contorted, ugly and fake.

He stopped in front of Lucy’s building and tilted his head up. Her window was closed, curtains drawn. Was she even home? The question almost made him turn around. But his feet refused to move, as if the ground had anchored him there. He couldn’t run anymore.

The staircase felt steeper than usual as he climbed to her door, the wooden railing creaking under his grip. When he finally stood outside her apartment, he stared at the engraved number on the door, a number he’d never thought twice about before. Now it felt like a barrier, daring him to go through with this. 7. The number that had haunted him throughout his life: sometimes as an omen, other times as a sign of luck. He wasn’t sure what it represented today, but he knew he’d been blind for its positive connections for too many years.

His fist hovered near the door. For a moment, he hesitated, his knuckles shaking slightly. What if she didn’t answer? Worse, what if she did? What would he even say?

Natsu gritted his teeth, swallowed the thickness in his throat as his stomach protested in turmoil, and forced the thoughts away. He’d come this far; there was no turning back now. Taking a deep breath, he knocked firmly on the door.

The sound echoed in the narrow hallway, louder than he anticipated. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of his breathing. Then, faint footsteps.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened just enough for Lucy’s face to peek out. Her expression was unreadable—neutral, but her eyes betrayed a flicker of surprise.

“Natsu?” she asked softly, her voice cautious. Her face was tense, like she was forcing away whatever her feelings tried to express through it.

He opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat. Her gaze was steady, and for the first time in months, he felt like the world had stopped moving. He hadn’t seen her face this close in months. He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. It was her, his Lucy in the flesh. No, not his Lucy. He couldn’t call her that anymore. He hadn’t been able to for a long time.

“Hey,” he managed to croak out, voice low. He fidgeted with the edge of his scarf, trying to find the courage to say what he’d rehearsed in his head on the way here. “Can we… Can we talk?”

Lucy’s eyes searched his face, and whatever she saw there made her pause. She stepped back slightly, the door opening just a little wider. The air from her apartment leaked out, filling his nose with the wonderful nostalgia of their past life together. His heart ached. He had missed this so much.

“Yeah,” she said, after what felt like an eternity. “Come in.”

Natsu stepped inside, his heart pounding. He looked around, seeing her books stacked in neat piles and her celestial keys resting on the coffee table. Everything was just as he remembered, yet it felt like years had passed since he’d been here. He didn’t see any signs of the life they had lived together in there: the space he’d been given once to put his shoes in the hallway was filled with a pair of her sneakers. He didn’t see his coffee cup anywhere, waiting for him to return for it. The extra chair by the dinner table was gone as well, likely to distract her from the space it held for Natsu.

Lucy closed the door behind him and crossed her arms, leaning against it. “So?” she prompted, her tone guarded but not cold. How was she so calm? No, that wasn’t fair of him. She was probably experiencing the same internal emotional whirlwind that he was: she had just been able to practice hiding it.

Natsu took a deep breath. His fists clenched at his sides as he met her gaze.

“Can��� we sit?”

Lucy hesitated for a moment, her eyes narrowing slightly, as if trying to decide whether she wanted to let this conversation happen. Finally, with a small nod, she gestured to the couch.

“Sure,” she said, her tone clipped. “Go ahead.”

Natsu moved toward the couch but paused before sitting. The cushions were the same ones he’d sprawled out on countless times, but now they felt alien, like he didn’t belong here anymore. He glanced over his shoulder at Lucy, who had yet to move from the door. She watched him silently, her arms still crossed.

“You can sit too,” he mumbled, his voice faltering.

Her lips pressed into a thin line, but after a moment, she pushed off the door and walked over, sitting in the armchair opposite him instead. The distance between them felt vast, and Natsu couldn’t tell if it was the physical space or the emotional wall she had carefully raised.

“So,” Lucy said, breaking the silence. Her tone was sharper now, though not unkind. “What do you want to talk about, Natsu?”

He fidgeted, running his hand through his messy hair and pulling at the fraying ends of his scarf. Words fought to form in his throat, but they all felt wrong, inadequate. He lowered his gaze to the floor, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Lucy let out a soft, humorless laugh. “For what?”

Her response caught him off guard. He looked up, startled, and found her staring at him, her expression unreadable but her eyes sharp.

“For… ya’ know… everything,” he said, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy. “How I let our relationship get all… messed up.” His fists clenched on his lap. They felt clammy. “I didn’t know how to deal with stuff, and I – I hurt you. I know I did. And I’m sorry.”

Lucy didn’t respond immediately. She leaned back in the chair, her fingers tracing the armrest as she studied him. He hated how he’d lost the ability to read her. Either he didn’t know how anymore, or she had decided that he wasn’t allowed to: that he would handle her emotions too poorly. He didn’t blame her.

“You’re right,” she said finally, her voice quieter now, tinged with a sadness she couldn’t fully mask. “You did hurt me. I’m embarrassed to admit that, but you… you really did.” She crossed her arms over her stomach, like she was trying to protect it from Natsu, like he’d dig her insides out if left unguarded. “Do you even know what that felt like?”

“I-” His throat tightened, and he looked down again, unable to meet her gaze. “I’m sorry, you gotta understand that I’m bad with words, I-”

“Do I?” She cut in, her voice cutting his heart open. “Do I always have to understand? Because honestly, Natsu? That’s not fair.”

He looked up at her in dismay. She looked like she was fighting tears. Did he really make her feel like this? He wanted to die. Gulping hard, he shook his head.

“N-no. Of course you don’t. That’s…” his voice mellowed out. “... my fault.”

Lucy didn’t answer. She was still waiting for his explanation – why he was here, why he’d found another girl and now didn’t seem to have her in his head anymore. She was still so confused.

“I don’t think I can give you an explanation you want to hear,” he shamefully laid out, observing Lucy’s cautious body language. “I’ll try, but… I’m not even sure where to begin.”

“How- why? Why her? Where did it all come from? Because… back when you still hadn’t met her, I thought the two of us were heading somewhere.” The blush on Lucy’s cheeks could have been from embarrassment or fighting off angry tears: Natsu couldn’t tell. And hearing these questions, he understood that he didn’t have an explanation at all. Because those questions were all without good answers; only words that didn’t carry any weight to them could even begin to describe Natsu’s explanation. Still, he had to give her something.

“I’m not sure when it started, or what got into me.” He felt like a child, trying to face the consequences of his mistakes head on. “I was so happy and content with what we had, it was so perfect. But I… Well, I’m not perfect. I wanted to have an outlet of some sort, and I knew from around the guild that the need I had- or, I guess, still have, is dirty. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Natsu wasn’t sure how Lucy was taking this. He didn’t dare to look at her, in case she was looking disgusted. His eyes were pinpointed to a stain on the coffee table. That’s how he felt: stained and unwanted. Still, he kept talking.

“So when I met her I thought I had the chance to relieve that need. She was nice, pretty and funny, and she seemed to be on board with that initial plan. But I quickly got greedy and thought that I could have you both. Then it got so intense that it all just escalated, and before I knew it there was no turning back. I had a girlfriend and she wasn’t you.”

His ears were making a buzzing sound. There was so much regret inside of him that his senses got dull, and no matter how much he tried to listen for Lucy, he didn’t hear her. She felt out of reach.

“I just… wanted to feel normal,” he concluded. “Everyone else experienced romance, I was… jealous, I think. But I didn’t dare to approach you about it back then. You’re so… perfect. I’m disgusting in comparison. I have impure desires, and I thought that… maybe, just maybe, I could handle those on the side, while still being with you. I never wanted our relationship to change. It’s always been too important, too pure. I didn’t want to jeopardize it.”

Natsu shifted uncomfortably on the couch, his fingers gripping the edge of his scarf like it might hold him together. He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again, glancing down at his hands as he twisted the fabric tighter. He had nothing more to tell her. He’d opened his heart for her, and now his foot tapped against the floor in an uneven rhythm, filling the silence Lucy was yet to break.

“Did…” Her voice cracked. “Did you love her?”

Natsu froze at her question. The air in the room had already felt thick, pressing down on him with all the weight he’d just put out, but now it felt suffocating. He opened his mouth to answer, but the words felt like they were stuck in his chest. Did he love her? He thought he did at the time – hell, he was sure of it. It felt like the right answer, the right thing to say. But now, at this moment, the truth was much harder to pinpoint.

“I-” Natsu’s voice caught, and he slowly shook his head. “I thought I did. I thought I loved her... at first. It felt like... like something real. Something I’d never felt before.”

He finally dared to look up at her, and caught her gaze just as it softened, but her arms remained crossed, as though holding herself together against the uncertainty in his words. 

“But you don’t know now, do you?”

“I... don’t.” He ran a hand through his hair, frustration building inside him. “It’s hard to explain. With her, it felt intense, and passionate... like I was... alive, you know? But it wasn’t the same as with you. Not like this.”

Lucy leaned forward slightly, her eyes watching him with careful understanding. “Natsu,” she said gently, “forgive me if I’m wrong, but I think that that wasn’t love. I think… that it was infatuation. Maybe lust. It probably felt intense because it was new, and because you were looking for something you thought was missing. But… I don’t think it was love.”

Natsu stared at her, his chest tight as he absorbed her words. “I... I thought I loved her,” he said quietly, his eyes darting to the floor. “But maybe you’re right. Though… now I don’t even know what love really is.” His voice trailed off.

Lucy exhaled slowly.

“Natsu,” she began, her voice quiet but firm, “I understand you felt something for her. But... lust isn’t something you need to hide or be ashamed of. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But it’s not love.” She paused, her expression unreadable. “Love... love is deeper. It’s not just about attraction, it’s about connection. About seeing the worst of someone and still choosing to be there. I don’t think you understand that yet.”

Natsu’s eyes flickered down, and he clenched his jaw. 

“I know it’s different with you,” he said quietly. “I thought I loved her. I... did love her, I guess. But now... I’m not even sure what that was..” Taking a deep breath didn’t help calm his frustration. Why was this so damn complicated? “With you, I always knew it was different. I knew that what I felt for you wasn’t like what I felt for her. It wasn’t just about the physical stuff. It’s always been… more. But I was scared... that I’d ruin all we had.”

“What left is there to ruin though, Natsu?” She was soft spoken, but frank. Natsu knew she was right: he knew his rendezvous meetings with her had crumbled the relationship that he had hoped he and Lucy could keep. He messed up.

Lucy’s arms tightened across her stomach, her face softening but still distant. “You didn’t need to be perfect, Natsu,” she told him, her voice colder than before. “I never needed that from you. Didn’t you think to ask me what I wanted?”

Before Natsu could stop himself, he felt his eyebrow rise a notch. Lucy cleared her throat.

“I’m going to be honest. I didn’t know you valued purity that high. If I’d known, I’d gladly talk to you about it, help you through it. Lust was never the impure thing: our guild mates were the ones treating it as such.”

Natsu swallowed. He still wasn’t sure he had understood her. Lucy catched on quickly, and continued her explanation.

“Look; sex isn’t beneath me. It isn’t dirty – it’s neutral at the least, wonderful, loving and fulfilling in most cases. I don’t blame you for being confused, but what you did, how you treated both sex and her was wrong. Keeping that up wasn’t fair to her or me. But most importantly,” she reached out and poked on his left pec, “it’s not fair to you.”

That poke had felt like an arrow, killing the voice that had been justifying his actions up until now.

“I know,” he said, voice raw, like every word was a struggle. He didn’t dare to hide his shame. Why hide anything, when the cards were out on the table like this? “I know I screwed up. I just... I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t face it.” His fists clenched at his sides, the tension in his shoulders tight.

Lucy’s expression softened slightly, but her eyes were still wary. Instead of removing her hand from him, she softly cupped his face. Already he felt like she was purifying him, her touch holly.

“You’re facing it now though. That’s more than I can say that I’ve done. I’m sorry for not catching… all of this… earlier.” She took an airy breath before she continued. “You haven’t ruined everything though,” she added slowly, her tone quieter. “But if you don’t stop running, I don’t know what’ll be left to fix.”

Natsu’s breath hitched, and for the first time, he felt the weight of her words sink in. He leaned forward slightly, into her hand.

“I’m not perfect, Lucy,” he muttered, voice rough with regret, but there was a determination in his eyes. “But I want to try. If you’ll let me.”

Natsu’s words hit her like a physical blow, but Lucy swallowed the sting before it could show. She tried to steady herself, to push past the tsunami of emotions that was threatening to wash over her, but her chest felt tight. He was so honest, so vulnerable in a way she hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. It was painful, but somehow, it was also… so familiar. It hit her: she had missed him.

“I missed you,” she finally whispered, voice thick as she still held back tears. “But I didn’t just miss you, Natsu.” She hesitated, her hands unconsciously tightening into fists at her sides. “I missed… us. I missed the stupid little things we used to do. And it hurts. God, it hurts. Because every time I saw your face after everything, it felt like... like my heart was pulled in two.”

She looked like she was searching for something in his eyes, something that confirmed that he understood what he’d done. Not until her thumb slowly dried a tear off his face, did he realise that he had started to cry.

“I didn’t know how to keep going without you in my life. And now... I don’t know where we’re supposed to go from here.”

The silence that followed made it ring in Natsu’s ears. He stood still, the guilt in his chest growing heavier with each word. He wanted to speak, to apologize, but nothing felt like it could make up for the emptiness he had left behind. How could he explain to her that he never meant for it to go this far? That he had been terrified of facing what he felt for her?

“Lucy,” he started, taking a shaky breath. He only now realised he’d been holding it. “I messed up, badly. I was scared of... everything. Scared of not being enough for you, scared of being too much, scared of losing what we had. I didn’t know how to deal with what I was feeling, so I... ran. Tried to find it elsewhere. I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t know things would end up like this.”

Lucy carefully observed him, her expression unreadable for a moment, then she sighed. “Natsu, I get that you were confused,” she said, her voice quieter, more guarded. “But you still chose her. And that’s not something I can just forget. I wanted us to do so many things. But you weren’t there. I know I’m partially to blame, because I didn’t approach you either, but… you weren’t there for me.” Her shoulders slumped slightly, the weight of her own hurt sinking in. “I just... I don’t know if I can go back to that. I don’t know if I can trust that you won’t… replace me again.”

The tension between them thickened, and Natsu swallowed hard, his stomach twisting. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. He hadn’t known how to be vulnerable before; he didn’t know how to start now, not with the mess he had made of everything.

Lucy continued, her gaze still wary.

“You weren’t perfect. I didn’t need you to be perfect, Natsu. I just needed you to be here. And you weren’t.” She let out a shaky breath, and for the first time, Natsu saw the pure agony in her eyes, the raw exhaustion of someone who had been holding on for too long. “I don’t know if I’m ready to try again. I don’t know if you’re ready, either.”

The words stung more than he’d expected. He had wanted to make it right, to find a way back to her, but he didn’t know if she could ever feel the same way again. For all he knew, this was the end for them. The real end. Still, he wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet.

“I want to try,” he said, his voice low but firm, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’ll prove it to you. Please.”

The silence between them stretched, thick and suffocating, like it was waiting for them to figure out how to breathe again. Natsu’s chest was tight, his heart hammering in his ribcage like it had never known stillness. His hands clenched at his sides, unsure of what to do with all this feeling that had nowhere to go. Lucy’s gaze stayed fixed on him, the distance between them too much, but too little. She didn’t pull away, not physically. But her eyes were guarded, like they always were now, like she was still trying to keep herself safe. Natsu wasn’t sure what he was doing, but the need to reach for her, to close the space, was so overwhelming he could barely think straight.

His breath hitched, and before he could second-guess it, his body moved forward, drawn to her like he had been all those months ago. There was a hesitation in her eyes, a softness to the way she looked at him that he hadn’t seen in so long. It was like she was still here, in a way he hadn’t expected. That didn't make everything okay of course. She was still hurt, still unsure, but there was something flickering in the way her lips parted slightly as he moved closer.

And then he kissed her.

It wasn’t anything spectacular. It wasn’t smooth or fluid or anything that could undo the mess they’d made. It was desperate, almost clumsy, two people trying to find something familiar in a sea of unfamiliarity. His lips brushed against hers, too hesitant at first, like he was afraid he would break her if he pressed too hard. But the feeling was there, just underneath everything, unrefined. The taste of her, the touch of her, something that felt so real it almost made him dizzy. 

Maybe, if he lingered long enough, could he transfer all the words he wanted to say to her, but couldn’t because of a lack of vocabulary; let her feel the emotions he did, as he was more than willing to receive hers. Maybe this kiss could spackle their cracked relationship.

When they pulled away, the world around them still felt heavy to Natsu’s disappointment. Lucy didn’t look at him at first, her gaze somewhere far away. But when she did, her eyes were a mix of things – of confusion, of hurt, of something that looked like relief, all tangled together.

“I’m not... not ready,” she whispered, voice trembling, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t know if I ever will be. But I can’t... I can’t pretend like I don’t feel something, too. I don’t want to let go.”

The words stung, sharper than anything he expected. But it wasn’t rejection. Not really. She wasn’t telling him to leave, to forget everything. She was telling him that they were both still stuck in this. She was still afraid to fall into it, but she wasn’t pushing him away.

Natsu’s throat tightened, and for the hundredth time today, he couldn’t find the words. The guilt of what he had done – of hurting her – was still heavy, suffocating, but at least there was a chance now. A chance to do something different, to prove that he was willing to face whatever came next, no matter how hard it was.

“I don’t know what happens next,” he murmured, his voice rough. “But I’m here. I want to try. I won’t... I won’t give up on us.”

Lucy’s breath caught. There was a flicker in her eyes, a tiny thing that reminded him of the way she used to look at him – soft, but strong, and maybe a little broken. She didn’t know what to say, either, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes, the unwavering determination there, and something in her, something deep inside, softened. She didn’t have all the answers, but she knew one thing: she wanted this.

“I’m not sure either,” she said quietly, her voice calm now, steady. “But I know we can figure it out. We’ll work through it. Together.”

And in that moment, Natsu felt the weight of her words, the promise layed out in front of them. They weren’t whole yet, they weren’t where they used to be, but the foundation was still there – strong, despite everything. They had something real.

And as they sat there, just a little closer than before, Natsu realized that maybe the future wasn’t so uncertain after all. They had a long road ahead of them, sure, but they’d walk it together.

[baka-monarch]

Heeeyyyy I'm doing voretober this year!!! (Or at least I'm gonna try to) and here's the first one!

Ao3 link

Space

Gem had a meeting. She had a deal with this guy who wanted to hire her for some bounty work. It was supposed to pay well, but he was sketchy and she wasn't sure if she trusted him- especially with where he asked to meet.

Chrysos was a gambling moon, once a wasteland turned into miles of casinos, bars, and other things made for either getting rich, wasted, or both. Everywhere felt sketchy as she walked through the streets of one of the cheaper towns- Taboonan. She was heading to a bar in a small alley, her trusty trident on her back and at the ready. Anything could happen, and for all she knew this deal was actually an ambush.

Gem took a breath through her gills before she entered the building, going straight for the bar as she kept her head low. She ordered a drink, just some water with some small fish to snack on as she waited. There weren't many people here, only a few at a table laughing and a couple in a corner whispering to each other, otherwise it was just her and the bartender. She noted that she was one of the larger species here, the only other of her stature being the bartender and his scales were reptilian, differing from her blue and orange ones meant for the water. Otherwise majority of the other patrons were furry, not much of a surprise since most fishfolk like her didn't get off planet much- it wasn't like everyone with gills could breath air.

Gem was taking a sip as she thought, chewing and swallowing a minnow as someone sat by her. A Gordon, another reptile but this one she knew from when he'd contacted her and her crew. She nodded to him and he smiled.

“Well it's good to see you showed up.” The naga spoke and Gem rolled her eyes.

“Of course I did, I don't go back on things.” Gem let out a huff and crossed her arms. She was a reputable bounty hunter after all.

He raised his hands in surrender, “Of course of course.” He nodded then motioned for the bartender, “I see you already got started on a drink, but lemme get you something from the area before we talk business.” He turned to the other reptile, “Two terran shots please.” Gem raised a brow as the bartender hurried through a door.

“So, while we wait, mind giving me those classified details?” She sipped on her water, there was only one fish left, swimming at the bottom.

The naga nodded, “Of course.” He smiled to her as if he was relaxed- he was still a foot shorter than her and definitely more skinny, it was obvious he'd be at the disadvantage if anything went wrong. “There's this guy calls himself X or whatever- he's in charge of this company that builds ships, lots of planning- well my employer would be very happy if they were to hear he just y'know… befell a deadly accident.” Gem knew who the naga was talking about, Xisuma. She'd done a few jobs from him before and he was always more than happy to fix her ship and help her crew out- she already knew she wouldn't take the deal, but was careful to control her face. She needed to know of this employer.

Gem opened her mouth to ask more, but as she did the bartender returned, setting two shot glasses in front of the two. “Thanks.” The naga nodded and slid a credit over- Gem wasn't paying attention though as she looked at the small glasses. They looked different than normal shots, lidded and void of any alcohol- but that wasn't the part she was focused on. Inside each was one tiny person, cramped and struggling to push the lid off. They didn't look like any alien she knew, but she could hear them talking, panicking about how to get out. The one in front of her hit on the side of their glass, their hair brown with green streaks and stubble- and she could tell he was shorter than the other.

Gem felt pale, this definition wasn't legal, for a multitude of reasons. “Sooooo….” She licked her dry lips, forcing herself to keep up the facade, needing the name of that employer. “What are these little guys?” She smiled playfully as she picked up the shot, the tiny person yelping as he got shaken around. She felt guilty, but if she could get through this she could get him out of here.

The naga smiled and picked up his own shot, “Humans,” He answered as he gave the glass a shake, the one in his hitting the sides a painful amount of times. “They're from that Earth planet, y'know the one with low oxygen mak'n everything tiny.” She held back a frown as the naga teased his human by licking the glass. “Taste pretty good apparently, and feel even better going down~”

“I see…” Was all Gem could mutter out as she looked down at her tiny human. He was glaring at her and held up a middle finger as soon as he noticed her staring- she snorted, yeah that was fair.

“You got a feisty one I see, those are always the best.” She looked back at the naga as he pulled the lid off his glass. She wanted to snatch it away from him as the human tried to climb out- but they weren't fast enough as he threw them back and swallowed almost immediately. “Aaahh…” He sighed and rubbed as the wiggling lump that soon disappeared into him. “Trust me, you'll love it~”

“I’m sure I will.” Gem forced a smile as she continued just holding her glass, avoiding eating the human if she could. “So about that employer-” She started, trying to get on topic.

“Lady, I don't like talking business until my associates join me, so c’mon try the little fella then I'll give the other details.” He smiled and something in Gem boiled. It was like he knew she was avoiding it.

“And I don't like taking jobs unless I know who I'm working for.” She growled, trying to intimidate the other- it didn't work as he smiled and shrugged.

“Guess we'll hire someone else then.” And that's exactly what she was afraid of- if she didn't know the name of this guy then they'd just hire someone else to kill X. The naga started to stand and she panicked.

“Well if a shot's all it takes to get the job.” Gem forced a sly smile, glad when the naga sat back down. She looked down at the human who'd pushed himself against the back of the glass, looking up at her nervously. She took a breath through her gills to stay calm as she started pulling the lid off.

●●●

Joel looked up at the alien fearfully but was trying desperately to hide it as her giant claws and webbed hand pulled the top off of the massive glass he was in. He didn't waste any time though, he'd spent too long watching these giant aliens and knowing they planned to eat him, as soon as the lid was off he pulled himself out and jumped off the alien's scales hand. He didn't get far though as he heard her make a shocked sound from above and soon another scales hand was in front of him and snatching him up.

“NO-” Joel squirmed and pushed at the hand around him, but it didn't budge at all as he felt it move. Soon light returned as the hand opened and he found himself closer to her mouth, staring into her green eyes. She looked different than most aliens that came, she had blue scales for starters, and no nose, orange fins that looked similar to hair and ears- and the thing he noticed most though, was her mouth full of very very sharp teeth. “Just put me down-” He shouted out, kicking errands fingers desperately.

In response though what he got was the alien opening her mouth, her tongue poking out as her hand moved closer. He tried to kick her mouth to get away but it didn't do much as he got thrown in, landing on the back of her tongue in a heap. Joel pushed himself up quickly and hurried back towards the front of her mouth, slipping and stumbling, but it made no difference as the opening soon closed and he was left in darkness. He took some deep breaths, trying to stay calm… until the tongue under him moved and he was suddenly squished into the top of the mouth. He groaned and squirmed, pushing down on the tongue but it only started moving him around and covering him in saliva. He felt gross as he tried to scoot forward- but soon the tongue started pushing him back and he felt the sucking before he heard it.

Gulk.

The alien swallowed and Joel yelled out as he got sucked down into her throat. It was tight and slimey, squishing and pulling him down at a constant rate until soon enough he was forced through a tight spot before falling into a larger area. Joel gasped and pushed himself up as soon as he landed and ran over to the wall, pushing and hitting at it. “Let me out blummin asshole!” He yelled, trying to hide his fear but his high pitch gave things away. He kept kicking and hitting at the fleshy, groaning wall, hoping to give the alien a stomach ache- instead the wall pressed in as she belched above him.

“Oh excuse me.” He heard the alien say and felt the stomach vibrate with her voice. “So about that employer-” There was more talking after that but he didn't pay any attention. He was trapped, going to be digested by some giant alien monster and there was nothing he could do.

Joel sat down and curled up. Maybe it'd be fast at least…

●●●

Gem felt sick as she walked out of the bar, having learned what she needed but having traumatized a human in the process. At least she had a storage stomach so he was safe, but he didn't know that… She sighed through her gills. She knew the employer, evil X, and now she could get the human home. That's what mattered.

She rubbed her belly and looked down as she walked through the streets back to where her ship and crew were waiting. “You doing okay in there?” She said quietly.

Things were silent for a while before the little guy answered, “What do you think.” He practically snarled back and Gem frowned.

“Sorry, I wasn't sure what else to do.” Her main stomach gurgled and she felt the human jump. She bit her lip, feeling guilty, “Don't worry you're safe in there-”

“Blummin Hell am I safe! I'm in you're fuckin’ stomach!” The human growled.

“No no no-” Gem hurried to say, “Not my main one. That one doesn't digest anything, perfectly safe!”

The human scoffed, “And why should I believe you?”

“Well- are you burning at all? In agony? Dead?” The human was quiet for a moment.

“No….” He answered quietly.

“Exactly.” She smiled, “You can trust me little guy and as soon as we're on my ship I'll spit ya up and Impulse can figure out how to get you home.”

“Impulse?”

“Yeah he's part of my crew- or team, we work together on bounties and stuff. Trust me you'll love em!” Gem's smile grew and she started walking a bit quicker to get back.

The human sighed, “Fine, as long as nobody else eats me.”

“I promise they won't!”

[sorrowsofsilence]

Burning Out • IX

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 6.5k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter nine - Moral Antimatter (EDITED: 09-03-24, not new new to the story !)

new? start from chapter one here

She looked at the orange bottles with a detached expression.

“I’ve been consumed by guilt ever since, barely able to even look at you,” my voice began to rise, “How messed up am I? To do something like that to you, knowing that those meds are supposed to help you?”

I shook my head in frustration and slammed the glovebox shut, causing Y/N to jump.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Y/N,” I whispered now, “I am so sorry I did this to you. I am so sorry I dragged you into this.”

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again

+++++

Y/N

Beneath the covers of my bed, I curled into a ball with my knees pulled up to my chest. Soft sobs escaped me as I tried to control my emotions, but they continued to overwhelm me. My breaths were heavy and ragged, and I coughed from the congestion caused by the tears staining my cheeks.

My mind was in turmoil, replaying everything that had happened. It would be easy to blame myself for Noah's decision, but how could I when I never considered the consequences of letting him into my life? On the other hand, I couldn't just overlook his actions; if I were a normal person, I would have kicked him out of my life already. But I was too wrapped up in him, unable to let go despite everything he had done.

I really was so naive, huh?

I wanted to trust Noah. I still trust Noah.

In the end, it was my own fault. Why did I put my trust in someone who had only recently entered my life? How long until that trust wears thin and breaks into an unfixable mess? As tears streamed down my face for Noah, my chest heaved with anxiety from my past. I made a promise to myself not to go back to wearing that deceitful mask or to let them find me again. Yet, here I was, completely exposed and easy to track. The dealer in the dark alley recognized the mask and knew the code.

“We live in a twilight world: And there are no friends at dusk.”

I didn’t recognize him, but I knew that he could link me back to those I ran from. They haven’t worn the masquerade masks since I left.

I squeezed my eyes shut, the heat of my breath beginning to suffocate my body that lay beneath the covers of my duvet, shielding me from the world and all the problems within it.

"I'll See You At The Beginning, Friend."

I was going to be found, and it was going to be a mess.

If Kiean and Kade were about to be back in my life, I would need a saving grace.

As much as I didn’t want to talk to Noah about anything, or forgive him, I needed him.

I told him that I would risk it all for him, and I’ve proven it; but would he risk it all for me?

You think that I can’t see through it all? Who would walk back and risk it all for me now? Is this how breaking point sounds?

Truthfully, Noah isn’t the bad guy. If anything, once he finds out everything, I am.

I let the tears fall for a moment longer as I anxiously lived within my mind before the soft creak of my door opening snapped me away from my wading.

“Go away,” I mumbled, curling closer to my knees before the bed dipped gently. A soft purr came from behind the blanket and I sniffed, opening the covers to reveal Juice who waddled towards me. His head pushed into my hand, the soft orange fur of his coat instantly soothing me as my fingers ran through it.

“I thought you’d need a furry friend right now.” I heard from behind the door and I turned my head, noticing Nicholas peaking in.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, sitting up as I held Juice in my arms. He purred harder at the touch, closing his eyes in contentment.

Nicholas pushed the door open more and he held out a mug in offering, “I brought you some tea?”

I sniffed, rubbing my eyes with my free hands in an attempt to erase the tears.

Nicholas walked into the room, setting a mug down on my nightstand before looking down at me with concern etched on his face. He sat on the edge of my bed carefully, not wanting to intrude.

"I'm here if you need to talk," he said softly.

I nodded and released Juice from my hold. The cat immediately went over to Nicholas, rubbing against his arm.

"He seems to have taken a liking to you," I said with a small smile.

"What can I say, I guess I have a way with cats," Nicholas chuckled, stroking the friendly feline.

I let out a low laugh and rubbed my eyes again before looking up at him.

As if he could read my thoughts, he spoke first.

"I knew," he said, and even though I had suspected it, my heart still clenched at his words.

"How long?" I whispered, picking at the fabric of my sheets.

Nicholas sighed, "Since it happened. I caught him replacing your pills."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. Not only did he steal them, but he also replaced them with lies. He never wanted me to find out.

"Was he ever planning on telling me?" I asked as tears welled up in my eyes once again.

Nicholas took in a breath and replied, "Yes. I tried to get him to tell you right away, but he wanted to wait until he paid off all your debts and could buy you more pills."

Silence hung between us as my mind raced.

"He messed up, Y/N. He knows that. But Noah cares about you deeply," Nicholas said sincerely.

I let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, he cares so much that he purposely deceived me behind my back. And I would have given him the pills if he had just asked because they weren't doing anything for me anyway."

Nicholas turned to face me fully on the bed, his eyes watching me closely as another tear slipped down my cheek.

"Why do I still want to trust him?" I asked, my voice strained as tears blurred my vision once again.

"Because you also care about him," Nicholas replied calmly.

I let out a frustrated groan and pressed my palms into my eyes. "I see so much of myself in him. So much of who I used to be. And if I could get out, then he can too."

"What were you like before?" Nicholas asked curiously, studying me with genuine interest. He knew I had a bigger role in their world than what was initially presented, especially after seeing my involvement last night. We had grown closer over time and I knew that eventually I would have to trust him and the other boys fully.

It was difficult to admit the mistakes I had made.

"I'll tell you all eventually," I said, avoiding eye contact and turning away. "Once I can overcome the fear of revealing my past self."

Nicholas placed his hand on mine and gave me a comforting smile. "We are in no position to judge you, Y/N."

A wave of shame washed over me, causing my breath to catch in my throat. "Maybe so, but there is a reason why I tried to distance myself from who I used to be."

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Nicholas's hand on mine was warm and reassuring, but I couldn't shake the anxiety clawing at my insides

"It's not just about judgment," I said softly. "It's about safety. For all of us."

Nicholas's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

I bit my lip, debating how much to reveal. "The people I used to be involved with... they're dangerous. More dangerous than you can imagine. And if they find out where I am, or who I'm with now..."

I trailed off, unable to finish the thought. The possibilities were too terrifying to voice.

Nicholas squeezed my hand gently. "We can protect you, Y/N. You don't have to face this alone."

A bitter laugh escaped me. "You don't understand. These people... they have connections everywhere.”

+++++

NOAH

I sucked in a breath as my padded fist collided with the covered fabric, the punching bag swinging back towards me before throwing another punch at it again, sending the bag spiralling.

And you know that we’re racing sand But we’re stronger than we were before And their forked tongues won’t lead the way You’re not pure anymore

Sweat dripped down my forehead as the music blasted through my headphones, my chest rising and falling with each surge of adrenaline. I moved back and forth, unleashing a barrage of punches fueled by rage.

The sins run red, but they won’t live forever You’ll be forever fake Will the marks I lay out there come back to me?

Despite knowing that Y/N may not want to speak to me, I knew I needed to apologize properly. My heart ached at the thought of her missing our first live show tonight, but I couldn't ignore the possibility that she might request the night off, just as she did at the cafe this morning.

I punched the bag with all my might, trying to release some of the built-up frustration and tension inside me. The gym was my escape, a place where I could physically let go of the overwhelming emotions suffocating me. Luckily, there was no one else around, giving me a chance to be alone with my thoughts.

Everything that had happened was my fault, and I felt ashamed. If Y/N and I were going to have any kind of relationship in the future, we needed to be completely honest with each other; no more secrets.

I was determined to regain her trust, but I also knew that I needed to learn more about her past. Wiping the sweat from my forehead with my shirt, I took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh as lyrics from the song played on repeat in my mind.

Together we’re trapped inside of the scales Under the greed, and the ego’s weight I won’t be slipping when we all fall into Into moral decay

I confidently slid my gloves back on, ready to continue pounding the punching bag with all my might. As I swung my arms, I could feel the impact of each punch reverberate through my muscles. Suddenly, the lights in the gym went out, plunging me into complete darkness.

I quickly pulled out one of my earbuds and spun around, scanning the empty room in confusion. The small windows provided very little light, making it difficult to see anything. My heart rate increased as I furrowed my brow. Was there a power outage?

I took a few deep breaths as I stood still, trying to make sense of the situation. Eventually, I cautiously made my way towards the light switch and flipped it up. To my surprise, the lights came back on, leaving me even more puzzled. They had been turned off intentionally.

Just as I turned around, I was startled by a man standing directly in front of me. I instinctively let out a loud yell and jumped back, feeling a jolt in my stomach.

“What the fuck!”

He gave me a long stare, and I couldn't help but notice all the tattoos adorning his skin.

"Sebastian," he greeted me with a smile that showed off his shiny grillz.

It was Vincent, his true identity finally revealed. His sunken blue eyes and hollow jaw made him look even bonier than I had imagined, with a hint of scruff on his chin.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I exclaimed, backing away from him.

"Just adding some theatrics to our encounter," he shrugged, running his fingers along the metal bars of the machinery behind him. His curly brown hair fell just past his shoulders.

I watched him warily, "How did you find me?"

Vincent let out a laugh, "A little birdie told me."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you want?"

He glanced between me and the equipment, the shine of his grillz taunting me. My stomach twisted with unease. He couldn't have known what I looked like without my mask. How did he manage to find me here?

Reaching into his pocket, Vincent pulled out a silver quarter and began twirling it between his fingers.

"How about this..." he started.

I eyed him carefully as I took another step back.

"If it lands on heads, you tell me about your friend Y/N," he suggested.

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name. What did Vincent want with Y/N?

"And if it lands on tails?" I asked with narrowed eyes and clenched fists.

"Then you tell me about your masked friend," he replied with a sly smile on his face.

I gnawed on the inside of my cheek as I glared at Vincent. He seemed oblivious to the fact that Y/N and this mysterious masked person were one and the same, but I couldn't understand why he was fixated on it anyway. "Why do you need to know about either of them?" I demanded, hoping to redirect the conversation away from my involvement.

Vincent just smirked and produced a coin from his pocket. "Let's make a little wager, shall we? Heads or tails?" he asked, flipping the coin in the air with his thumb. We both watched it spin before landing back in his hand. He turned it over to reveal tails.

"Hmm, not what I was hoping for," he commented casually.

"Well, I have nothing to tell you either way," I stated firmly.

"But you know who wears the mask," Vincent pressed, leaning in closer.

"I don't," I insisted, shaking my head.

But Vincent's eyes gleamed with knowing. "You do know," he declared confidently.

"I hired someone to assist me," I explained dismissively, walking towards my backpack and water bottle.

"But how did you come into contact with a member of Fidelio? And specifically one who wears the volto mask?" Vincent prodded.

"Fidelio?" I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Vincent grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, causing me to yank away forcefully. "Get off me!" I shouted. "I have no clue what you're going on about. Can you just back off?"

“That member has been missing for months,” He said hastily.

I stared at him in incredulity. This guy was nuts.

He paused, watching me briefly, eyes darting across my lost expression, “you seriously have no idea?”

“No!” I yelled, grabbing my backpack from the ground, and swinging it over my shoulder.

“Well, then your point of my hire knowing the code is useless if others know it too,” I stated, beginning to walk past him, “Nice chat. I’ll see you at thVincent posed a question, "Have you ever seen the movie Eyes Wide Shut?" I shook my head in reply.

He ran his hand over his face and explained, "Fidelio is a cult that takes inspiration from the film - except without all the strange sexual and orgy activities."

I scoffed, "And this is relevant because?"

"Because that cult happens to be one of the largest underground drug dealers and crime syndicates in North America, and they've stopped operating since that mask went missing."

My mind clicked into gear when he mentioned crime syndicate; I vaguely remembered hearing about a few robberies carried out by individuals wearing masquerade masks... Venetian masquerade masks. Trying not to give anything away, I quickly sucked in a breath before casually shrugging and clenching my bag strap. "Great. So the person I hired was probably inspired by their methods and liked the mask."

But Vincent shook his head vigorously. "They knew the code."

I watched him closely, "So do you. Are you a member?"

He laughed at my assumption, "Me? Nah, it's flattering that you would think so, but no. My boss has been trying to take them down for years."

"So how do you know the code?" I pressed.

Vincent simply shrugged again, "The boss knows that's how they communicate."

“Well, then your point of my hire knowing the code is useless if others know it too,” I stated, beginning to walk past him, “Nice chat. I’ll see you at the end of the week with more drugs.”

Vincent shouted after me, “Wait. I need to know more about this Y/N Y/L/N.”

I stopped in my tracks, refusing to turn around as anger boiled inside of me. He may not know that Y/N was wearing a disguise, but he knew something about her.

“So you took the medication from her?” He asked.

I turned my head to the side, keeping my body still as I avoided his gaze, “Your coin landed on tails.”

Vincent brushed off my comment, “My boss is wondering where all the drugs are coming from, especially the ones that require a prescription. He wants me to keep track in case any of it leads back to us.” I wanted to leave, but my curiosity kept me rooted to the spot.

“I told him her name, and he claims to know her,” Vincent spoke slowly, “he’s been searching for her for years. So do you know her? Or was it just a random theft?”

My heart raced, but I didn’t want Vincent to see how nervous I was.

“Just a random theft,” I turned to face him now, answering without hesitation, “I have no idea who that woman is. Do you even realize how many people I steal from? And have stolen from since then?”

My throat constricted as I insulted Y/N, but I needed it to sound convincing.

Vincent nodded, his eyes studying mine intently as we stared each other down. After a brief moment of silence, he spoke again, “Do you remember where she lives?”

With a stern expression on my face, I locked eyes with him and said firmly, “No.”

He glanced at me and flipped the coin in his hand once more, “Well if you do remember, you know who to call.”

His shoulder grazed mine as he walked past me towards the exit of the gym, “See you later, Noah.”

My eyes slimmed in distaste as I followed his figure before I froze at the realization of what he called me.

Noah.

I’ve never told him my first name.

I spun around, but Vincent had already disappeared through the gym doors. My heart pounded as I tried to process what had just happened. How did he know my real name? And what did he want with Y/N?

Grabbing my things, I rushed out of the gym, scanning the parking lot for any sign of Vincent. But he was gone.

I needed to warn Y/N. Whatever was in her past, it was catching up to her. And now it was putting all of us in danger.

As I drove home, my mind raced. Who exactly was Y/N? What was her connection to this Fidelio cult? And how much did Vincent and his mysterious boss know?

When I pulled up to the house, I saw the car in the driveway. Good. Maybe the boys could help me figure out what to do.

+++++

Y/N

As we lay on the living room couch, watching TV, Folio asked, "Are you coming to the show tonight?"

I had put on Naturo to calm my nerves, and Ruffilo and Folio immediately ran upstairs in excitement upon hearing the intro.

I turned my head to look at him and replied, "I have to work tonight, so you couldn't stop me even if you wanted to." Folio and Ruffilo laughed, and I smiled before returning my attention to the show.

Nicholas nudged my side and asked, "How are we going to celebrate? We have to have a drink together." I squirmed under his touch but laughed, saying, "I'm not sure. I can try to get off early since I start at 4 today. You guys play at 11 pm, right?"

Nicholas nodded and said, "Yeah, 45-minute set or something."

"Noah will be happy you're coming," Nick added just as Noah walked in through the front door. The three of us looked at him, and I immediately sank into the couch in an attempt to hide myself. But Noah's eyes locked onto mine as he kicked off his shoes and stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"We need to talk. Bedroom, now," he said urgently, grabbing onto the wooden railing.

Folio let out a low murmur, shooting me a glance before turning his attention back to Noah. "That's not how you turn a girl on," he muttered.

"Get lost, Nick," Noah snapped, his gaze fixed on me as he waited for me to stand up.

"Y/N." His tone was stern and commanding, causing a shiver to run down my spine. I quickly got to my feet and followed Noah up the stairs, leaving the Nick’s behind. Once we were both in my bedroom, Noah closed the door behind us and turned to face me with an accusing look.

"Does Fidelio ring any bells?" His words sent a wave of panic through my body. How did he know about that?

My palms started sweating and I nervously twiddled my fingers together for a distraction. "Uh, like Beethoven's opera?" I stuttered.

Noah rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Don't act dumb. The mask."

My throat tightened with fear and my heart raced as I tried to make sense of what he was saying. "I don't know what you mean," I said, hoping it would be enough to avoid any further questions. But a voice in my head pushed me to tell him the truth. Why was I hesitating? "Are you the missing member who wore the Volto mask?" Noah demanded, gripping my arms tightly through my dark blue long-sleeved shirt.

Fear.

Tears welled up in my eyes and my breathing quickened, the familiar signs of a panic attack creeping in. Noah noticed immediately, his hold on me loosening as he looked at me with concerned chestnut eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong, Y/N," he said softly, pulling me closer to his body for comfort.

I mumbled into his shirt, "Yes."

Noah's hand moved to the back of my head, gently holding me as we swayed together in silence.

"Have you met Vincent before?" he asked after a moment.

With tears still falling and my body trembling, I shook my head and choked out, "No, but he knows the code."

Silhouette Guilty conscience Barely hanging by a breath

“He found me at the gym,” Noah began, pulling me from his body to look up at him, “He was asking about you. With the mask, and without.”

Cut the lights and make me your oblivion And I will follow Through the phosphorescent streets I'd give anything to be in over my head

My eyes widened as I looked at him, my breathing becoming shaky and uneven. "Does he know it's me?"

Noah shook his head, "No, but his boss knows your name. And he's aware of the Fidelio syndicate."

I took a deep breath, trying to process this new information.

"He knows your name because it was on the bottle when I sold your pills; his boss recognized it." Noah sighed and stepped back, running a hand over his face in frustration.

"I knew I recognized your mask," he muttered, "But I couldn't remember from where...until Vincent told me."

Noah pulled out his phone and quickly found a news article from a few months ago. He showed it to me, revealing my identity and connection to the infamous Fidelio crime organization.

Aftermath Broken promises collapse Bodies lay like shattered glass Hold the pieces, feel how nothing ever lasts

With tunnel vision fading in How I've thirsted for the end Pull me closer till I'm in over my head

My eyes skimmed the news article, and any words I had forming caught in my throat.

Noah's eyes were sunken and empty as he looked at me. "You came to Los Angeles not long after this happened," he said quietly.

Instantly, I felt the air get sucked out of me. "I was running," I admitted.

"That's why you gave me a chance," Noah continued, taking his phone away from my face and putting it back in his pocket. "You weren't any different from me."

Past tense. He knew that things had changed for me.

To have someone truly comprehend your mind is an intimate experience, and in this moment, Noah understood every part of me.

"I ran away," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I didn't want that life anymore. I felt used, angry, and unworthy."

Noah's expression softened as he listened to my confession. He reached out and gently took my hand in his.

"I understand," he said softly. "More than you know."

I looked up at him, tears still glistening in my eyes. "What do we do now?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Noah sighed heavily. "We need to be careful. Vincent and his boss are clearly onto something, even if they don't have all the pieces yet."

I nodded, feeling a mix of fear and relief at finally having someone to share this burden with.

"We should tell the others," Noah continued. "They deserve to know what they might be getting into by associating with us."

The thought of revealing my past to everyone made my stomach churn, but I knew Noah was right. We couldn't keep them in the dark any longer.

"Okay," I agreed reluctant.

We are broken bodies bound for еach other In the impact, we become antimatter The dust hasn't settled but we feel the decay

“Your past does not define you,” Noah breathed softly, pulling me into another hug, “You were a result of circumstance…If anything it makes me respect you even more with how far you’ve come.”

Torn limb from limb, I am swearing your name Our hands collide, we brace together In the impact, we become antimatter

“I’m proud of you.”

Noah’s words rang in my ear as I cried, holding myself against his chest. My knuckles whitened through the grip I held on his sweater, my body vibrating through the pain. I’m proud of you. No one has ever said that to me.

I sobbed into his body for a few more moments as he squeezed me with compassion, taking in all the emotions I displayed for him.

“I knew what it was like being in your shoes,” I sniffed, “I’m still lost, but I’m finding my way. You deserve to escape too.”

Noah’s grip tightened before he pulled away, “I see it now.”

My mind was still racing at Vincent and the information Noah brought.

“Do you know who his boss is?” I asked Noah, even more nervous now. I didn’t know many people within the drug ring; I always played on the sidelines.

Was it someone who knew my true identity?

We're waiting in the wreckage for the sun to rise I'm staring at the fractures no one else can see, they're so complete When morning comes, will there be anyone left to find? My vision starts to surrender, as colors subvert the night

“I went by a different name,” I watched Noah carefully, “Y/N Y/L/N is my real name. Only two people back home know it, other than my extended family… that I know of.”

“I mean that’s smart. I don’t know who his boss is,” Noah said, his face contorting, “but maybe he’s tied back to you?”

I sighed anxiously. I had no idea who Vincent’s boss could be, but my stomach churned at the idea of it being one of the members of Fidelio.

“Why did you risk everything to come and help me rob the pharmacy?” Noah's grip on my hands was gentle but firm. “Especially when you chose to wear a mask.”

I shrugged, feeling the warmth spread through my hands from his touch. "I-I don't know. I couldn't just sit back and watch you stay trapped in this life. You asked for my help, and I couldn't say no. Plus, I have enough experience with this kind of thing."

One of Noah's hands moved up my arm and rested below my chin. He tilted my face up to meet his gaze, and I found myself drowning in his captivating October eyes.

Stolen by auroras, our bodies re-align Magnetic in the impulse, show me the other side Suspended in the ether, till I felt you in my chest I know we're not alone, but I'm in over my head

“I’m sorry I broke your trust. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you about the pills, and I’m sorry I stole them.” His eyes darted across my face, sincerity radiating from his pupils, “I will never do anything like that again; over my dead body.”

His words burned into my skin through the touch of his fingertips. I knew he was sorry, and I knew he felt bad. He made a mistake, he wasn’t perfect. He was only human.

“I forgive you, Noah. You need the money,” I said, “You’re almost free.”

Noah drew me in closer, his arms wrapping around my back as I leaned into his embrace. Our lips grazed against each other softly, sending butterflies flitting through my stomach. Noah's breath was warm against my skin before he pressed his lips to mine with gentle care. This kiss was unlike any we had shared before- it wasn't fueled by passion or urgency but by a deep and sincere affection. It made me feel exposed and vulnerable in the best way possible, knowing that Noah accepted me exactly as I was, just as I accepted him.

We are broken bodies bound for each other In the impact, we become antimatter

+++++

The boys arrived at Sammy’s around 9 pm, occupying seats along the bar as they waited for me. In between attending to customers and pouring drinks, they would try to engage in conversation with me.

"Folio, I'm dying to hear about the biggest fish you ever caught," I exclaimed as I poured a few shots. "But do you realize I am working right now?"

Nick scowled and I gave him a sympathetic smile. As much as I enjoyed their company, it was difficult to focus on my job with them constantly distracting me. Especially when Noah was there.

Despite trying not to, I couldn't help but steal glances at him whenever he looked away. His smile lit up his eyes and his nose would scrunch up when Nicholas cracked a joke. And every time I walked away or turned to make a drink, I could feel Noah's eyes following me.

"Well," Nick took a sip of his beer, "if you can have sex with Noah in the bathroom at work, then you can listen to my fish story."

My eyes widened along with Noah's and we exchanged knowing looks before quickly turning away in embarrassment. I turned back around to take the shots to the waiting customers. Behind me, Nicholas burst into laughter and doubled over the counter, pulling Jolly down with him.

“Dude that was so out of pocket,” Nicholas wheezed as Jolly’s chortle echoed through the busy room.

The bar was decently packed tonight with people anticipating the first live music showcase. I was just as excited; because I couldn’t wait to hear them perform somewhere outside of the basement.

My mind kept tracing back to the realization that now that the mask was back, I was going to be traceable. My entire shift I felt uneasy, worried that with every turning corner someone who knew could show up; but I pushed away those thoughts, remaining happy and supportive as the boys were going to be on stage soon.

I walked back behind the counter, smiling at them.

“Guys want a shot for some liquid courage?” I asked, holding up a bottle of tequila.

“You know it,” Folio nodded.

“We should probably do a soundcheck, yeah?” Jolly raised a brow at Noah who nodded in agreement.

“That’s what bands do, right?” Noah said, spinning on the bar chair as I placed the shot and a lime wedge in front of each of them.

“To uh-” I raised my empty glass to cheer with them, but I couldn’t finish my sentence, because they hadn’t chosen a name for the band.

“To Glass Houses?” Jolly shrugged, and Noah mimicked him. The four boys took the drink, squinting at the bitterness before sucking on the lime.

“We haven’t chosen a name… but we can go by glass houses for now,” Noah laughed, before standing up.

I smiled up at them, giving the boys a thumbs up, “Good luck gentlemen, you got this!”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Nicholas smiled back, following Jolly and Nick towards the stage.

Noah turned to look at me, “Don’t judge us too hard, ok?”

“I’m not the cool one in a band,” I chuckled as I mixed another drink, “No judgment here, only proud to say I know you personally.”

“Ah yes,” Noah licked his lips before flashing a wide smile, “personally.” His tone insinuated something much more and I couldn’t help but shake my head as my face warmed once again.

“Break a leg, as they say.” I cheered, and Noah nodded at me before meeting the rest of the boys.

+

Half an hour later it was eleven, and I asked my boss if I could be off early. She didn’t mind, so I grabbed a rum and coke before sitting at the seats that were in front of the stage.

I could tell they were nervous as each of them fiddled with their equipment. A few moments later the stereo died down and Noah tapped the microphone, his hair cascading over his face as he spoke.

“Uh, hey!” He began the feedback echoing slightly through the bar. I smiled encouragingly up at him as his eyes met mine, and he smiled back as if speaking to me.

“So this is our first gig, we don’t have an official name but call us Glass Houses for now!”

The small crowd clapped as Noah looked towards the boys, nodding at them.

“So I guess we’ll start with a cover of Come Undone by Duran Duran!”

Another applause sounded and Jolly began playing the riff before Folio’s drums and Ruffilo’s bass joined.

Noah jumped on the floor as his hair whipped around, feeling the into and the crowd cheered, before he gripped the mic stand, preparing to sing.

“Mine immaculate dream Made breath and skin, I've been waiting for you Signed, with a home tattoo Happy birthday to you was created for you.”

I bobbed my head, proud as guests began singing along. It wasn’t until Noah’s voice became deeper and raspier with the chorus that I smiled wider, heart hammering as he sang, watching me periodically from the stand.

As Noah sang, his voice growing deeper and raspier with the chorus, I couldn't help but smile wider. My heart raced as he periodically glanced at me from the microphone stand while performing. The energy in the bar was electric as the crowd sang along and swayed to the music.

I felt a surge of pride watching the boys on stage. They had practiced hard and it showed in how tight and polished they sounded together. Jolly's guitar riffs soared while Folio and Ruffilo held down a solid rhythm section. And Noah commanded the stage with his passionate vocals and magnetic stage presence.

“Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone? Who do you need? Who do you love When you come undone?”

As the evening went on, the boys continued to cover a variety of songs, building up to their final performance of the night.

"Thanks for rocking out with us, guys!" Noah exclaimed, taking a swig from his water bottle. "We're about to kick it up a notch, so I want to see you all headbanging!"

The crowd roared in response as Noah introduced their next song, Glass Houses. I couldn't help but bang my head along with the music as the boys rocked out on stage, their hair flying wildly in every direction. Pulling out my phone, I started recording their performance.

Just as I opened my phone, I noticed I had received a text message from an unknown number. My stomach sank and fear engulfed my body as I clicked on the message.

Los Angeles, hey? It’s about time we booked a vacation anyway. See you soon, my volto x

Chapter 10

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken

@princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant

@veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs

@flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls

@hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil @thefallennightmare

@blend-in-with-the-madness @reyadawn @deathblacksmoke @anameunmusical @sitkowski

@anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @rumoured-whispers @artificialbreezy

[skylar-325]

Omniscient Readers View Point Read Through

Ch 73-92

Beginning: Ch 1-10

Note: This was so hype AHHHHHH so many of my favourite scenes

———————

"I am also like Dokja-ssi. We are on the same QA team. I heard the same nagging every time and lived with their contempt.

>when an ugly btch calls you twin

[The constellation who has been waiting for a harem carefully puts both hands together.]

>I…a what

WHO?

"You're not a woman."

>…huh?

She refused to admit that she plagiarized to the end. I grabbed her collar.

>ngl dokja i don’t think anyone ever would 😭

"There is no such thing as a meteorite in my novel!" It was surprising. I thought she would've copied this as well. "I have a sealing stone!"

>girl you’re really not helping yourself here

"By the way, I was in pain a lot back then."

Whenever I looked at this guy's face, I felt the '17 year old Kim Dokja' inside me shrink back.

>as someone who was bullied in hs i remember almost crying reading this scene in the manhwa. get his furry ass dokja

"Yes! I'm really really sorry! I-I was young at the time…"

>that’s BULL! you’re not the only one who was young! using your age as a mistake is only justifiable as long it didn’t hurt others. basic empathy isn’t taught with age, it’s something you should know or you’re just a shitty person. and like YOU WERE SEVENTEEN

"First, I will hit you until all my trauma has disappeared.

>oh yeah fuck him up dokja

[Some constellations are disappointed with your hypocrisy.] [Many constellations are questioning your judgment.] [The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is watching your judgment.]

>it’s so interesting to me how sp never actually judges dokja on serious stuff. he’s just in the back secretively plotting.

[The constellation who likes harems is cheering on you and Han Sooyoung.]

>didn’t realise there were doksoo truthers in the book but pop off my dude XD

No matter how I thought about it, this was the sound of gunshots. Wasn't the army already wiped out?

>i…oh right this isn’t set in America

"You must be mistaken. My name is Yoo Joonghyuk. Kim Dokja is the name of the guy I hate the most."

> there he goes role playing again

I winked at her. If I knew Han Sooyoung, she would understand what to do from now on. The woman opened her mouth. "I already know that you are Kim Dokja. Stop the unnecessary lies."

> that’s just embarrassing man. it’s ok, you win some you lose some

"I needed something to tell her when I met her." I gave her a moment before continuing. "Because I had nothing else to say to her."

> 😞

Living things with less intelligence than a kobold should do their jobs!"

>Excuse you? WHAT THE FUCK IS A KOBOLD

"Protector… you don't have any qualities suited for Way of the Wind. No, to be honest, you don't have the qualities for almost every skill."

>that’s…damn what are you, my calculus teacher?

'You will be busy when you reach intermediate level'.

> Kdj: once you get that promotion you’re not going to pay attention to me anymore! i’m going to be a neglected wife!

"You are the first person who is more suspicious than Yoo Joonghyuk."

> why does kdj’s perception of ppl range from like-yjh, not-like-yjh and yjh

[The constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is looking forward to your companionship.]

The messages of the constellations, including Uriel, arrived. What was going on?

> oh gee i wonder what’s going on. wonder if there’s a possibly super hot *enter kdj’s long ass description* man possibly fighting and injured nearby

The bleeding Yoo Joonghyuk was waiting for me there.

> are we sure ways of survival isn’t a fanfic written by dokja?

Even if Yoo Joonghyuk was nearby, he couldn't be found in such a timely manner. It was clear that Bihyung had made a sub scenario to bring Yoo Joonghyuk over here.

>not bihyung sugar daddying his way through the scenarios for dokja. that or he’s the vice captain of our ship after uriel

Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at me with bloody and teary eyes.

> HELP what did I say about the fanfic part

Why was the protagonist of Ways of Survival such a person? The story would've been easier of it was Lee Hyunsung or Jung Heewon.

> bestie you gotta be attracted to them for this to work

"He was like this the whole time. He kept asking me to take him to Kim Dokja…"

> GUYS 😭

But I felt that some of my answers were being diluted in the soup. Did I know Yoo Joonghyuk at all?

>welp existential crisis let’s go

I scooped up the soup with the spoon and put it in Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth. Han Sooyoung watched me blowing on the soup. "You are acting like a wife."

> you see that’s because they’re already marrie- *gets run over by a truck*

I thought it was a loss to me but it turned out to be a huge honey event. Indeed, people should live a good life.

> that’s not…ok then. preach king XD

[The constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is impressed with your good deed.]

…Was this constellation really impressed with the good deed?

> oh yeah just the good deed dw. definitely not the yaoi you’ve provided in the middle of a shounen show

I frowned at Yoo Joonghyuk's words. Move to the east right now? I saved his life and now he was giving me an order?

> such be them dom daddies dokja

–Don't be so prideful. I really will abandon you.

> sure kdj. in fact i dare you to do it

–Why come to me? I honestly thought you would commit suicide. –Suicide? How ridiculous.

> is it though? like really think about it XD

> i stand corrected 🥲

–I wanted to make her a companion.

> oof rejection isn’t easy man i get it

–She isn't the person I remember. I knew it. Still, I wanted to believe for a moment that the woman in my memories was still alive. I wanted to be with her again.

> ouch think my heart just got ripped out

All the threads were connected to one woman. The woman wearing a tight black battle suit flew through the air.

> MY WIFEEEEEE

–Kill her.

–Then you will be unhappy. –It doesn't matter.

> 😭

"…It doesn't make sense." Lycaon exposed his fangs. "Antinus. The conversation ends here."

> damn my tragic ship 😔✊🏼

–You, are you that weak? –What? –All the words you told me were false. I reflexively raised my body. This bastard…

> yjh sure knows how to get dokja fired up XD

–The one who told me not to give up on this world will succumb to a disaster of this degree?

> did i mention i love their bond

the way both of them know exactly what to say to help the other is so precious to me

If you want to survive, don't answer his questions. But you are still going to die.

> BITCH?

> HSY certified yapper

Imagine being summoned to another dimension, suddenly receiving a powerful strength, spending a hot night with a cute elf girlfriend, saving the world and being loved as a warrior!

> Not all men fr 💀

–My attribute is a 'pro gamer'. What is yours? -What? –I'm asking what can you do well?

> one of my favourite scenes 🥹

"…Uh?" The Hunters Association people from before?" Myung Ilsang laughed.

> …?

does he think he’s in solo leveling?

What could I do well? It was to 'read'.

> i’m so hyped AAAHHHHH

Pathetic. Why the hell did I forget about this skill? Wasn't this the first thing I should've done?

> honestly yeah how did he forget that? it’s like one of the biggest cheat codes he has

I was a 'reader'.

> YEAH YOU ARE

READER REPRESENTATION ARISE!

"Get started." Yoo Joonghyuk stood before me as if he knew what I was trying to do. "I'll block him."

> did your heart skip a beat dokja? cuz i know mine did

A fierce aura started to crush Bihyung's body. The power of the dokkaebi depended on the size of the channel.

> OH THIS FUCKER

how dare he mess bihyung lemme at him. one swing that’s all i ask

[…Please choose a reward.] Bihyung told me with a grouchy expression. He was exhausted by the harassment.

–Personally, I recommend the Infinite Dimension Space Coat. There is one more hidden option. It is easier to transcend later.

> oh god plz let me give him a hug poor bby

–I will speak bluntly. Come to my channel. I am going to expand my channel to the Korean Peninsula. I will be happy to meet your desired items and conditions.

> I THINK NOT BTCH

Bihyung's face turned red and he was tearful as he looked between me and Dokgak. It looked like tears would burst out as soon as he was touched.

> THAT’S IT WHO’S COMING WITH ME

[Constellations. Incarnation Kim Dokja colluded with the channel's streamer, 'Bihyung'. He deliberately concealed his strength and manipulated the development of the scenario. He made the scenarios harder for malicious purposes.]

> i don’t…is this really such a big deal? like people are being murdered and super magical stuff keeps happening. is this really such a big deal in comparison? 😭

[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' shrugs like it is fine.]

> SEE sp gets me

"Prisoner of the Golden Headband, Abyssal Black Flame Dragon, Demon-like Judge of Fire…"

> not kdj name dropping his fans

[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is somewhat annoyed.]

> DUDE SAME

"By the way. As a memorial to my channel, I will do a small event. I mean, a joint event between South Korea and Japan… If you are curious, please connect to #BI-7623 right now. I will draw tickets for the early constellations and give coins―"

> LMFAOOO

A voice was suddenly heard. I instinctively knew. The owner of this voice was now protecting me.

> fangirling so hard rn

Bihyung moved from behind me towards Dokgak. "By the way, were you this small?"

> Oof the burn

———

Previous: Ch 53-73

Beginning: Ch 1-10

[damagedintellect]

You can't just talk about that Atsushi x reader in discord and then not have it posted anywhere please feed the hungry readers, me I'm the hungry reader!....I'm sure you've figured out who I am but I don't need anyone else knowing I'm a furry

💌 pfffft I mean you're right no one else needs to know you're a furry but bad news, your blorbos are not helping the furry allegations 😔 but I like omegaverse sooooo we're practically in the same boat if you will.

💌 I can drop a teaser since I decided to split it into two parts because writing 🍋 means I need to be in that headspace and oh boi am I too stressed lately!

Summary: Imagine if Atsushi had tiger tendencies that bleed into his everyday life as a result of accepting his ability. Now imagine it's say *checks notes* November-April.

Notes: Atsushi X reader, ADA reader, mutual pinning, heat/rut/mating cycles

Word count: 1,980 Part 1/2 [part 2 will be 🍋]

It was strange. You and Atsushi had been friends for a while, but as the winter months were coming to an end, you noticed he started being more protective of you. He had started unconsciously hovering over you in the office and would often offer to walk with you back to the dorms. You found it to be very sweet and endearing since you liked spending time with him, but a few days later, he accidentally growled at Dazai when the brunette put his hand on your shoulder. Atsushi looked mortified and fled the area with such haste he actually had a puff of dust follow him out. You've never seen him do that before. Turning to Dazai, he only laughed, humming to himself as if he knew why, but you were still baffled at what just happened to make him leave in such a hurry. The rest of the room brushed it off, so maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. If Atsushi wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up on his own time, but he never did.

A few days later, you were pretty roughed up after returning from a mission. The moment Atsushi saw you, he pushed Kunikida out of the way and held you tight. He gingerly assessed your wounds, refusing to let anyone near you until Yosano cleared her throat, snapping him back to his senses. Once again, he bolted out of the room with a look of despair, leaving you mystified about what was going on. It seemed to click for everyone else, but you didn't have a clue what was going on. To be fair, you were still relatively new to the agency. You've only been with them for a handful of months, but they've already accepted you as family.

As Yosano was patching you up, she gave you a stern expression. "If he's making you uncomfortable, I can tell him to cut it out." You could feel your cheeks slightly heat up thinking about everything Atsushi’s done over the past few weeks. That has to be what she was referring to, right? You stuttered, trying to figure out what to say. "N-no, it's not that he's making me uncomfortable, i-it's just that I," you paused briefly. The moment you joined the agency, you knew you were doomed once you were formally introduced to Atsushi. He was just so friendly and caring it felt natural that you were drawn to the tiger boy. Over the past few months, you realized that you started developing a crush on him. Inside you were eating up all of this new seemingly possessive behavior, but the way he was running away immediately afterwards was concerning. You sighed almost defeated.

Yosano chuckled darkly "Oh I get it you like-" You immediately put your hands over her mouth. "Shhhh don't say it out loud! I'll never hear the end of it if Dazai were to hear."

As if on cue Dazai had burst through the door smugly "Never hear the end of it if I heard what?" You rolled your eyes at him. Yosano ignored the nosey idiot and delicately grabbed your hands "All I'm saying is you should tell him before April hits. It'd actually be easier on all of us."

Dazai gave you a smirk that already says he put together your secret. You frowned as you pulled him out of the infirmary. He was amused by your irritation but didn't say anything directly. You glanced back to Atsushi’s empty desk before setting your head down on yours. Confessing was going to be easier said than done.

Over the next week you would fail to confess your feelings for him. Part of it was because the words had a hard time leaving your mouth, to which Dazai would playfully mock "What cat got your tongue?" Other times Atsushi would scamper away after "overstepping" and he was too fast for you to get a word out edgewise. Sometimes multiple inconveniences would occur causing a series of unfortunate events. Needless to say you tried but didn't end up confessing. You were fine staying friends even if his random exits were starting to get to you. Was he scared of you? Were you making him uncomfortable?

You were walking past his desk to put a stack of paper on Dazai’s when he pulled you into his chair and shoved his face into the crook of your neck. You’re glad most people were out on a case today because the noise you involuntarily made was embarrassing. Kunikida was unbothered, too enthralled with his work to glance in your direction. Atsushi hummed, smiling against your neck as he took in a deep breath. The sensation caused you to shudder as he loosened his grip slightly pressing primarily his forehead to your skin. He felt hot.

"Hey, Atsushi? Are you feeling okay?" You asked shifting in his lap to look him in the eyes. His pupils were blown wide and he seemed kind of out of it. "Now that you mention it, it's a little warm in here." He seemed pretty dazed.

You brushed the bangs off of his forehead to press yours to his. "You should go see Yosano, I think you're running a fever." You stood up but he was still stunned by how you invaded his personal space a moment ago. You swear you could hear a soft purr come from him. After a beat he slowly made his way to the infirmary. Kunikida watched him almost stumble out of the room raising his eyebrow at you causing you to shrug in response. What was there to say, he wasn’t feeling well.

In the doctor's office Yosano sighed "It's that time of year again Atsushi, it's going to happen whether you like it or not." She looked at the thermometer and sure enough he was running a fever which means he's about to start his "mating cycle"

"It still doesn't make sense to me. Why am I the only one who has weird side effects of my ability!" Atsushi rolled his eyes slouching in his chair. You've been driving him crazy for weeks now. He can sense when you're near just by your scent and he keeps itching to be as close to you as possible. He knows he had a crush on you but recently it's been getting worse and the tiger has been acting on it without his permission.

"I wouldn't say that exactly, I mean just look at Dazai. The only difference is none of us have animalistic tendencies." Yosano pulled out some pills to help Atsushi for the week he's about to endure. She made them specifically after last year's cycle when the tiger went berserk. Which reminded her "Did you ever have that talk with (Y/N)?"

Atsushi hid his face in his hands. "No…I couldn't do it."

"Of course you didn’t," she huffed knowing it was a lost cause at this point. "You both are helpless."

Atsushi perked up suspiciously at her words "What’s that supposed to mean?"

She handed him the pills "It doesn't matter. Just go home, keep your door locked and take these. Dazai will come check on you in a few hours once he gets back." Yosano shooed him away to make another set of medications. Atsushi wasn't convinced she wasn't up to something.

The door opened while your back was turned so you didn't see Atsushi leave but you definitely felt a pair of eyes linger on your frame as he left. You sighed as you handed Kunikida your reports. He cleared his throat seeing you slump "It's not my place to say but if you're worried about him why don't you make him some of that famous soup you're always talking about. I'm sure that will help him make a swift recovery." Kunikida would rather stay out of it but after witnessing just how dense you and Atsushi really are, he figured a small nudge in the right direction couldn’t hurt. Otherwise he might have to deal with another of his colleagues moping at work and it's bad enough Dazai pesters him to no end.

You smiled wide "You're right! Thank you Mr. Kunikida, that's a great idea!" You hastily gathered your things and rushed out before you could hear the rest of Kunikida's suggestion. He was going to say don’t deliver it alone but he's sure someone will manage to stop you before you can do anything too reckless. He simply pushed up his glasses and continued his work. It wasn’t his fault the two of you couldn’t talk about your feelings like normal adults.

You on the other hand hit the market before going back to your dorm to make the famous soup. Kenji was always talking about how in his village they had a cure all soup and he showed you how to make it. Although not everyone was around to try it at the time. Atsushi was one of those people, but now was the perfect opportunity for it! You wasted no time at all packaging it up in a nice thermos, heading over to his room.

You stood in front of his door with your hand ready to knock when you were pulled inside and pinned against the door. Atsushi was visibly panting as his eyes focused on yours. It was strange since when were his eyes blue? You thought they were a mix of purple and yellow.

"I smelled you coming up the stairs." He rested his head on your shoulder "You shouldn't be here. Not when I'm like this." He was already in his sleepwear and his hair was disheveled more than normal. It looked like he just woke up from a nap or something.

You swallowed hard. It was now or never. "I don't mind, you know. I came here to help make you feel better anyhow." You lifted up the soup you made. Hopefully he likes it. This would be the first time Atsushi would be eating your cooking. The thought made you feel warm inside.

Atsushi's mind was flustered as he misunderstood what you came here for. "I can't ask that of you-" Sure he’s had fantasies about this situation but he never thought they'd come true. Recently you've been the center of all his "mating" daydreams. You always looked so cute under him and the prospect of you wanting to be intimate with him was crashing his train of thought.

Meanwhile you still thought he was feeling under the weather. "Good thing you didn't ask then." You cut him off leaning forward to pull him in your embrace. You know he's never truly had anyone to lean on in the past. You want to be that person for him. "I don't think you understand how much you mean to me. I've always seen you as more than a friend, Atsushi."

His eyes widened as he nuzzled into you. If this was a dream he hoped he never woke up. "I like you as more than a friend too." He sighed contently into your neck. You smelled so good to him it was making him dizzy. "Do you mind if we cuddle?" He was nervous, you could tell but you both already admitted to liking each other and you've never turned down an excuse to hug your favorite tiger boy before. You giggled at his hesitancy. He was being clingy and cute. How could you say no to him?

"I'd love to."

You put the soup down on the counter before Atsushi pulled you into his little pile of blankets. It was extremely comfortable and warm. You slotted so perfectly together like a puzzle. It was the absolute perfect setting for both of you to fall asleep in each other's arms, completely unaware of the misunderstanding that was waiting for you when you woke up.

[Part 2 ...coming soon]

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Asylum Challenge: Day Three

(Note: From Day Four onwards, the Watcher started to use C to take screencaps - and wondered why she hadn't done so in the first place. Also the lighting has been adjusted so hopefully we'll have more and better quality 😄)

Ms. Lazy and Mr. Slob started off the day with what is likely the breakfast of champions for Sims with those traits: cold leftover pizza.

Pizza turned out to be a popular choice, with Meredith soon joining them. There's a bit of a friendship trio developing here.

Essential sustenance consumed, Lilac continued to plow through on her aspiration, completing her second emotional painting.

Surprisingly she was joined by Vlad, whose own attempt actually wasn't that bad. Really not bad at all.

Is that the victory sign, Vlad? Maybe he's been hanging out with Lux (who is a young adult for this save, but a new one) and is getting down with the kids.

Speaking of, with her LOVES OUTDOORS trait and her little furry problem, Lux has been keeping to herself for the most part - and appears to be ready to pop (off).

Taking a cue from @akitasimblr, at 12 pm each day the Watcher assigns 'guests' one skill building task each, and L. was in charge of the cooking. She is a foodie and already is at a fairly high level (between her, Raj and Meredith, no one is starving) so with that and her potions knowledge, if someone gets food poisoning then we'll know it's likely not an accident.

After watching her sample the food first she could still poison you if she applied it to the plates, ERRATIC Jacques joined in. So far L. has positive relationships with everyone other than Vlad, but time will tell.

Our favourite fanged fellow meanwhile drank from INFECTED Ted Roswell, and well. Truly the Watcher learns something new every day.

This development was rather startling for the remaining residents.

The funny thing was that Ted consented to be drunk from, so had he allowed it all along knowing that Vlad would too be heeding the call of the MOTHER? You gotta wonder, especially with that smirk on Ted's face.

As our designated protagonist, Lilac took it upon herself to rouse Vlad to his senses.

Rather disappointingly (for the Watcher, at least), it worked.

As the evening fell, Lilac continued to work on her aspiration, while Ted and Meredith bonded in the kitchen. With them having such different traits and now being played Sims, I'm not sure how their marriage will last, but for now they seem to be getting along fine.

Nighttime came, and the witching hour struck.

Who knew that being POSSESSED left you with a free Thriftea outfit? I actually quite like that jacket as a niche look, but I'm not sure if it works here.

The hills are alive with the sound of music.

[julianalvarez9]

named after you / john stones

author's note: my mind hasn't stopped thinking about that damn interview where john speaks about bernardo's dog named after him so i had to write this. started as a blurb, ended as a full fic + socmed au. i hate myself.

wc: 1.5k words.

pairing: john stones x footballer!reader (doesn't really impact much of the story, except she's injured).

face claim: esme morgan 💌

contains: excessive use of pet names, roasting jack grealish just because (i love you jack), they're in love but they don't know it, mentions of injury and a foot cast but nothing too detailed (because i don't know shit about injuries)

summary: your best friend is dumbfounded to learn that you've never had a dog, not even as a kid. he goes above and beyond to change that when the circumstances ask for a way to cheer you up.

"you've never had a dog before?".

john can't believe his ears. but to be fair, everyone at the little studio set where you're filming the next video for city's youtube channel is as incredulous as he is. you just laugh at his reaction, before explaining. "well, i wanted one when i was a kid, but my parents said i was too small to have one. and then i just never asked again".

his brows just keep on furrowing, and it's like he had forgotten about the stack of cards he had in hand, with the 20 questions he was supposed to ask you for the video prepared by the team. "yeah, but you're what? 24 now? you could have a dog," he said, like it was obvious. to be fair, he was right. after all, you lived alone: no partner, no kids, no family in the country. having a little pet to take care of and love would make you happy, but you weren't sure if you would have the time to take care of a little dog now, with how packed your schedule is. maybe that's why you hadn't really thought about getting a furry friend. "i suppose. didn't think about it before," you shrug.

"fine. i'm getting you a dog".

it's been months since that interaction, and you haven't thought about john's promise since. the video went live on the team's youtube channel a few weeks after, and as expected, everyone loved it. the friendship you had with the city player was always cherished by the fans, and you couldn't really blame them. he was your best friend since you arrived in the club, and having his support from the beginning really made the adaptation period easier.

you realized how much you basked in his affection and care when you suffered a season-ending injury. it wasn't that hard, to be honest, but since the end of the season was less than a month away, you knew that the recovery period would be longer than what it took to get you back on the pitch in time for the last game. john has been there from the first moment, sending you a message as soon as he saw you went down on the grass. you only saw it after the medical exams were done, when the doctors had already told you that you probably wouldn't get to play again until next season.

facing the reality about you not being there for your teammates, not being able to help them in any way, shape or form, at least where it mattered to you -in the pitch-, was rough. you went from the training center for recovery to home, all day, every day, never getting quite far from the prefabricated route: your only focus was to get healthy again. you weren't even seeing john that often, with his schedule being as overwhelming as always and you don’t even daring to set a foot in the etihad if you weren't there to play.

but john, your good best friend john, knew exactly what to do to cheer you up.

“are you home?”.

the call alone was weird. john wasn’t one to talk much on the phone, and much less, while driving. if he wasn’t using free hands, you’ll kill him. “why are you calling me while driving, stones?”.

“asked you a question first. answer, little one”.

the nickname alone made you roll your eyes, and he swore he could picture your annoyed face in his mind. the joke had been running between you two ever since you two meet, really, not only because of the slight age gap, but also, due to how he towered over you. wasn’t rocket science, it was what his position on the field demanded, while you, as a striker, only had to be quick. “yeah, dad, i’m home”.

“whoa, what an attitude. i’m about to get home, so you better fix it”.

you couldn't even process him calling your place home, or protest against him coming without a longer notice -not a 2 second warning, like this one, because he had already hung up before you could even mutter a confused “what?”.

if looks could kill, you’d be charged with a murder.

you’re glaring at john’s car from the second it sets a wheel into your front yard. he’s quick in parking the car and stepping out of it, but instead of going to greet you, standing on the doorway with your arms crossed, he goes to open his rear door.

“what are you doing?” you ask, almost screaming, to ensure that he hears even if he’s quite far from you. john appears to be arranging something on the back of the car, but he smiles when answering your question. “go inside. wait on the sofa. eyes closed”.

you’re about to make a funny comment, except his smile goes away the second you take too long to fulfill his wishes. you decide to quit being difficult and, with a bit of difficulty due to the cast shoe you have in your feet, make your way to the couch. your eyes remain open, though, watching the match your team was playing on the tv. once you heard the door closing, you shut your eyes.

“do you have your hands ready?”.

you frown, but still, your arms are extended with your palms up per john’s request. soon, you’re opening up your eyes when you feel a warm ball of fur placed on your hands.

“john, did you get me a dog?”.

you almost have tears in your eyes when you place the little jack russell on your lap, and it curls into a ball, falling asleep almost instantly. “isn’t he the prettiest boy ever?” john coos, squatting so he can get a good look at the little dog you’re holding. “john, i can’t have a dog. i’m never at home,” you rationalize once the initial emotion has settled in. you start to think about your schedule, how you’re seemingly always away. the worry must have painted on your face, because the man in front of you notices it, and is quick to find your hand, previously resting on the little canine, to squeeze reassuringly.

“yes, you can. you’re home now, aren’t you?” he smiles, and you’re rolling your eyes, again, for what feels like the hundredth time today. “he’s gonna help with your recovery. but you don’t have to worry about him being alone here once you’re back: our schedules don't always match. when you can't have him, i'll take care of him". the way he’s looking at you now, with his fluffy hair and sweet smile is making you melt almost as much as the sight of the little puppy resting on your legs. 

long seconds pass before any of you say anything, too focused on your little friend, before you realize john hasn’t told you how he’s called. “what’s his name?” you ask, and he looks up at you before shaking his head. “doesn’t have one. it’s up to you”. the smile you have on your face after hearing him speak, has your best friend thinking that you’re up to no good. and he’s proven right when you open your mouth again. 

"i'm naming him after you".

his eyebrows furrow and he’s shaking his head again, clear discontent in his face now. "what? you can't. i won't allow you to," he opposes in a high pitched tone, and you laugh before answering. "why not? he's my dog,” you point out, and the puppy on your lap suddenly wakes up, probably awakened by the small argument held between both of you. you direct your hand to caress his little head, and he rewards you by licking your palm, almost like a little kiss. “i think he likes it. don't you, johnny boy?".

he has to straighten up so you don’t see the smallest pink rose to his cheeks when hearing you say johnny boy. he always told you he despised the nickname, which was why you had stopped using it, but instead, he lied because he liked hearing you say it.

"but why john?" he presses, again, hoping that, maybe, it’ll make you change your mind. he knows it's wishful thinking: after being friends with you for so long, john is aware that when an idea pops into your pretty brain, it’s almost impossible to shake it off. "first, you're the one that got him,” you list off, and it has him rolling his eyes. you think it’s funny how the roles are reversed, and the smallest giggle escapes your list before continuing with your explanation. “second, he's a jack russell".

"and? you could name him after jack," he says, and he’s hopeful when the doubt is planted on your face. it takes you a few seconds before you’re shaking your head, scrunching up your nose in disagreement. "nah, he can't jump that high”. you’ve switched your focus now, from person-john to dog-john, and your voice gets a little higher when speaking to him. “when you grow up you'll jump as high as your daddy here, won't you, pretty boy?".

john feels like he could faint by the amount of pet names that seem to flow effortlessly from your lips. "okay that's enough," he says, and you laugh at how agitated he is. "it's settled then. john stones, meet john stones".

yourusername

Liked by johnstonesofficial, jackgrealish and others.

yourusername everyone, meet john stones

View all comments.

jackgrealish glad to see he's into football like his daddy 😂 johnstonesofficial

yourusername such a talented little boy 🤍

johnstonesofficial john stones jr*

yourusername so you're john stones sr?

rubendias 🧓🏻🧓🏻

mancity bring him to training next time! 💙

yourusername will do 🤝🏻

[missr3n3]

Augusnippets Day 31

snowed in/secret alien/twitter arguments

prompt generator used fandoms: all of them CW: surprising amount of major character death, minimal proofreading word count: 850 (i'm so sorry) @augusnippets

On a cold night in Hoelbrak, Hazel accompanied Willow’s quest to find more stray cats, because the ten that already roamed the Grove were obviously not enough. During their journey, they found a cave beneath a waterfall. Venturing into the cave, they found two humans, one scared shitless, and the other taking a nap.

The awake human introduced herself as Sophie, and her unconscious companion as Ben. They somehow ended up in the alcove after something called a “cruise ship" crashed into it. As Hazel asked Sophie a million questions about what a cruise ship was and how it worked, Willow left to continue her search for a cat. She found what she was looking for out in the forest: a small, gray tabby.  But when Willow attempted to coax the “cat" her way, a wormhole opened up and the cat jumped through.

The “cat" was not a cat at all, but an ageless interdimensional being. He grew tired of roaming Tyria and sought a different land to explore: one he visited before. He crept from under his minion, Peter's, bed.

“There you are!” The man with a missing eye cooed as he spotted the furry critter. “I've been looking all over for you, Mittens!”

Mittens quickly gathered why Peter was eager to find him, and why Sarah was staying with her former abuser. She originally intended to simply visit him, see how he was recovering from the Easter Incident. Then a huge blizzard hit Ohio and they all got stuck inside.

Just great, more cold.

Meanwhile in Detroit, another ill-tempered group was snowed in: not in a rickety farmhouse, but an elaborate mansion.

“Norman was supposed to be back with firewood half an hour ago,” Officer Wong grumbled through chattering teeth.

“Well, you know how traffic around here is on a good day,” Steve countered.

“I knew we should've found a better way to dispose of the bodies,” Isabelle whined. “I don't think Kenny or Manny would burn all that well, but it'd at least be something!”

Just as Manny's name left Isabelle's mouth, five bolts of lightning struck the mansion at once, killing everyone inside and leaving Norman, who was waiting in line at Whole Foods the entire time, homeless.

Many years later, paranormal enthusiasts Aaron, Joshua, and Selena were investigating the burnt remnants of the Murder Mansion. They needed to do something to unwind – especially Selena, who had to singlehandedly kick Azrael and Melani's monster asses.

As Aaron entered the remains of what he guessed was the living room, a loud crackling boom echoed right behind him

Oh God, what’s Selena doing this time!?

To Aaron's surprise, Selena was not fighting more monsters behind him. He'd never seen the two people standing behind him in his life. One was an older man with reddish-brown hair and scars around his eye. The other was a microscopic little guy dressed in black denim with bandaged hands.

“Well shit, this isn't the void,” Mark noted.

“See, I told you that wouldn't work,” he chided the kinda sorta saint.

With another boom, the two soft grunge boys vanished.

A few months later, Cain was down a Wikipedia rabbit hole. He was researching the case of the Vanishing Duo while he had Llywelyn's laptop precariously perched on the side of the bathtub.

Just as he was about to see if anyone else was talking about the case on MySpace. Llywelyn was thrown through the bathroom window by the Fisherman, who was still salty about him taunting the dumbness of trying to waterboard a fish. Jumping from sheer shock, Cain dropped the laptop into the bathtub, which started an electrical fire that blew up the whole house.

Years later, YouTuber Elijah Hardy made a video about the Exploding Fish Boy Incident, which got him cancelled on Twitter for the fifth time in a row. His sixth cancellation, however, was the one that finally stuck. It was cause by him making his first True Crime Video – covering the case of Roderick, Kevin, Sam, Jeremy, and Rachel mere hours after it went down. The Red Dragon Productions crew – Leah, Joshua, and Isaac – also got cancelled for defending Elijah. They didn't know about the plot of “pull your hands away!” by missr3n3 yet. Madeline also got cancelled for defending RDP.

This feud drew Cairyx's attention to Twitter. He figured out he could get into people's houses through their Twitter accounts, told all of his electric spider alien buddies about this, and they all banded together to murder every Twitter user.

This basically caused an apocalypse, with only a few people who didn't have Twitter accounts surviving. One was Jessie Simmons, who never made a social media profile beyond her Facebook. This same strategy is what saved Ida and Proto. Arthur was too young to be allowed on the internet unsupervised. Wes exclusively used Pinterest. Brandon's abusive parents wouldn't let him go on the internet period, lest he figure out they were also involved in the Peace Cult. And the incredibly lucky Dr. North deleted her account a week before the world ended.

[sempsimps]

toga head cannons + dating bits

so mha what a show i have been violently thrown back into it and currently re watching it along with another 4 animes anyway here i am ready to make this since I have like *checks notes * 16- nope 19- nope hold on 24! drafts and I can see more on the horizon so I'm finally letting my bisexual self get some crazy girls on my list

headcannons

She likes Hello Kitty. I think she would love Kuromi (I don't know for sure, as I've never watched it. I'm not really into Sanrio stuff.)

she has some skills with drawing but nothing too major. maybe a really good sketch once in a while, on some important documents (definitely got into a lot of trouble for doodling on her school books or anything like that. ik i did)

She chews on pens or pencils. possibly hoodie drawstrings, just anything, to be honest.

I feel like she loves dinosaurs, like at least knowing some random facts from like stolen picture books or remembering an interesting thing from a museum, and I guess the Internet exists

Dating stage

she has been rejected a few times, which is obvious, so when she finds you, she is nervous about falling fast yet again and getting left. again. but she can't help it, and when you say you feel the same, she could happily fight and die for you x10 more than she already felt like she would

Blood jewelry absolutely 100% like a pretty heart-shaped pendent that's suspiciously liquidy and a beautiful red like take all my money (I will for the precious bean)

She is a criminal, so getting more domestic dates is kind of difficult. so there's options 1 she drinks someone else's blood to disguise and just dresses different from them, so it's less obvious and go to a coffee shop or something. OR 2 screw the domestic stuff! and go out to steal sweets or candy and idk steal a shopping cart, go spray paint some rich guys house, and do stupid shit like getting arrested only to call dabi or shigaraki for help as you both laugh at how stupid that was.

She would love it if you knew how to style hair or let her style yours and be matching

Speaking of matching toga would absolutely have pj's/ onesies for the both of you. examples I can think of would be the night and light furry ones (I think they neat) also those two peice ones so sharing two sets like, skull top and pink short and then having pink tank top and skull trousers.

Love language is physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving all the way. Holding hands? "Ah! We're holding hands haha, suck it, dabi your bitchless!". she needs soothing words during a cuddle session like fr tell her she's an amazing girlfriend. Anything you get her stuff like that is definitely her new bragging right, new hair clip? It's on, and she refuses to take it out until you do it yourself. A little pin it's going on her skirt, a keyring? She's putting at least two of those on the handle of her favourite knife. You made her a painting/ printed a photo/ wrote a poem or anything? It's getting framed and hung above her bed

She probably had lots of photos before you dated, but now she definitely has. 2 folders one is a digital file on her phone, and the other is stashed away, filled with secretly taken ones that she looks at when she misses you

If you're a hero, she'll make it a point to watch you and look at all your fan base online. "It's my turn on the TV my adorable partner is on." She would also want to go on every mission close to where your agency would be. If you have any merchandise, she has it already. If she sees other people wearing your clothing line, she would either compliment it or want to stab them (I can't decide)

That's all i can think of, and i want to do more, so anything else in the comments would be nice. im trying to ease my way into writing female characters. i might be bi, but i can't talk to women, so this was fun and a little difficult for me

[pure-garbage]

Not Good Enough! A Challenge Issued And Accepted

"Zoro!"

The pirate hunter was in the midst of a tense standoff with the G-5 marines when Lana finally found him. The sight of her waving wildly from a suspended walkway twenty feet over his head brought a wide grin to his face, circumstances notwithstanding. She leapt over the rail and into his embrace without hesitation, unconcerned with the navy, the long fall or the two swords he had drawn. Fully deserving of her unconditional trust, he caught her easily without dropping his weapons or even coming close to letting the blades so much as graze her. The display drew shouts of shock from the marines as the pirates shared a brief, passionate kiss while Lana found her footing.

"Lana! You're freezing!" Zoro scowled. He shivered a little as she burrowed close to his bared chest and pulled his furry coat tight around them both, disappearing from view except for her feet. Her moans of relief rang out loudly for their enemies to hear, further confusing the marines while she basked in Zoro's body heat as if they weren't surrounded on all sides by opposition.

"Yeah, I never got the chance to dress for winter," she informed him, words muffled from within his thick coat.

"Take the coat. I was getting too hot in it anyway."

"Aw, I like it better with you in it too," Lana pouted playfully, pressing her frigid cheek to his skin to warm it.

"Hm, I'd agree if we didn't have all these marines trying to kill us," Zoro mused. He took a slash at the men creeping too close, sending them swiftly to the ground.

"Why are they trying to kill us?" Lana wondered. "I thought the plan was for them to rescue some kids."

"So did I, but apparently their skulls are too thick for that concept to make it through," Zoro grunted. "Here, come out and hold my swords so I can take the coat off."

"Hold the swords? Just do the flippy thing," Lana urged him, emerging from his coat so he could move freely.

"The flippy thing?" Zoro asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"You know what I mean. Are these... my knives!"

"They are."

Zoro did the 'flippy thing', tossing Shusui and Kitetsu both high into the air and shrugging out of his coat while they spun together over his head. Lana accepted the coat from him, and he caught the falling blades just in time to counter an attacking marine. His back was to Lana. She reached around his waist to steal back her daggers, grinning gleefully as she returned them to her belt where they belonged.

"I made Law give them to me," Zoro informed her.

His change in tone was abrupt and unmistakable. As delighted as Lana and Zoro were to be reunited, he quickly brought the mood down with his stern demeanor. She already knew what he was going to say next.

"So. Traffy kicked your ass, did he?"

Lana swallowed hard, wondering how many details Zoro already knew.

"Well, uh... yeah, okay, the first time. The second time was closer to a draw though," Lana said defensively. Even that, she realized, was blurring the truth somewhat. In all honesty, Law still likely would have beaten the tar out of her a second time had he not already decided to ally himself with her crew.

"What was his advantage?" Zoro pressed.

Lana sighed heavily as they fought through the throng of marines, pressing on toward goals that she was still incredibly confused over.

'There's no use in beating around the bush. He probably already knows and just wants to see if I was at least able to come away from my defeat with usable information.'

"My haki still isn't strong enough," she admitted grudgingly. 'Even though my observation is so damn incredible I can essentially read minds and see the future... as far as Zoro's concerned, it's still not good enough. It won't be until I'm unbeatable.'

Her bitterness didn't escape his notice.

"You think I'm being too harsh," he noted. Again, it was a statement rather than a question.

"I didn't say that."

"Your face said it."

"I'll get better, okay? I'm already working on it."

"You had two years to 'work on it'. Now's not the time for working on it, Lana, it's do or die now!"

"Yeah, well I'm not dead yet!" she snapped. "Is now really the time to do this?"

Around them, the battle had dissolved into a panicked stampede as ominous purple fog rolled slowly closer. Overhead, alarms blared and lights flashed.

"Time to run!" Zoro announced grimly. "But don't think you're getting off the hook! I'm still going to deal with you later!"

"I swear if one more damned swordsman tells me they're gonna 'deal with me later' I'm gonna fucking riot!" Lana growled unhappily.

"Yeah right, riot with that weak haki of yours," Zoro scoffed, rolling his eyes as they booked it furiously toward a pair of rapidly closing blast doors. "Terrifying."

"Keep pushing your luck, you'll be doing your own laundry for the next few weeks, sweetheart!" Lana huffed, adrenaline fueling her anger as they cut it close, tearing through the doors with barely inches to spare before they slammed shut.

"Ooh, scary! You say that like I didn't manage my own laundry just fine before we met!" Zoro taunted. They didn't slow down, racing past marines. Lana assumed they were heading to reunite with others of their crew, but with a jolt of alarm, realized she was actually relying on Zoro to get them where they needed to be. Wherever that was.

"Uh, Zoro? Where are we going?" Lana panted as they outstripped the navy, leaving the G-5 well in their dust.

"Huh? I don't know, I'm following you!" Zoro frowned.

"Nuh-uh, I was the one following you!"

"Aw crap!"

They both slid to an abrupt halt, taking a moment to catch their breath in the empty hall.

"Well at least we lost the marines," Lana reasoned. "What were you supposed to be doing?"

"Finding Nami and helping her," Zoro remembered.

"Okay, that tracks. Where's Nami and what's she doing?"

"No idea."

"Zoro!"

"Can't you find her on your little snail buddy?"

"Oh right. Sure, I'll just use my super advanced observation haki to get us out of the pickle you got us into by not paying attention," Lana smirked slyly, reaching into her pocket to pull out her new pet.

"Hey, you should have been paying attention too!" Zoro snapped.

"Sure, sure, it's my job to pay all the attention. Doofus. Say, why don't you take a stab at finding Nami?" she asked sarcastically, offering him the snail knowing he wouldn't take it.

"Tsh, you know my observation isn't good enough for all that fancy crap," Zoro scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm working on it, okay?"

"Ooh, really? What's that? You're working on it?" Lana mocked.

"Shut up!" he grumbled.

"I thought you had two years to work on it? Isn't that right? And now it's... what was it you said... do or die?"

"Keep it up and I'll kill you myself," Zoro threatened emptily.

"Think you could get close enough to kill me past my exceptional observation?" Lana teased pointedly.

"Law got close enough."

"Law cheated."

"No such thing."

"Fine, point taken. Look, I said I would practice, okay? We both will, so can we call it quits on the bickering?" Lana sighed. "You're wearing me out."

"Me too," Zoro admitted. "I spent the entire day looking for you, I'm really not interested in fighting."

"Aw, the entire day?"

"Yep. I wouldn't have had to if your haki was stronger."

"You just have to have the last word, don't you?" Lana growled. "When my haki is strong enough the first thing I'm gonna do is wipe that smug smile off your stupid face."

"You can try."

"Grr!"

"Just quit your griping and work the snail, woman!" Zoro sighed with a roll of his eyes.

____________________________________________

<== Previous Chapter

Next Chapter ==>

== First Chapter ==

[mexicanegbert]

trans jade thought post

cw: use of the word queer

figured i'd try to put my thoughts somewhere since i've been asked before about it! disclaimer though: i want to get into my feelings/considerations with the context of jade's canon, but this by no means is "definitive" or anything. trans experiences are all different, so this is just me having a bit of fun. ok jumping in!

jade's character is all about isolation from her own life and her relationship with it. this is reflected in literally every inch of her experiences, so naturally, it will heavily influence her identity. she grew up "knowing" what the future would hold, both from her dreams and in the life laid out by her grandfather. she knew what she would become (her own thirteen-year-old corpse was right there) and her image was literally cast in metal (jadebot). to be honest, the simplicity of being what she already knew was likely comfortable. additionally, she spent half of her time asleep and literally removed from her "real" body.

the moment she didn't have the comfort in a predetermined path and had to face herself (literally her reincarnated thirteen-year-old self) head on; she could hardly stand to offer any patience. from here on out, jade is regularly faced with the actions of her physical self, both in the quiet of her free time (less asleep) and socially with her friends. she has to learn who she actually is and wants to be is while also balancing everything else. to me, this is the open door into a world that jade is just now getting around to (the transgender door........ ?)

The Werewolf Trope Thing: for starters, this trope is both problematic and also something that gets sort of reclaimed actively by queer & trans ppl due to the implications of "becoming/being a monster" in society's eyes + a specifically dysphoric time of the month. jade doesn't become a monster (and is not a werewolf lol), but the physical transformation into something dog-like feels similar. her feeling on the change is something she doesn't discuss too heavily, but the moments of her struggle with newly heightened senses, her new "aggression," and her overtly animalistic behaviors during the grimbark phase just feel sort of reminiscent of this trope. (some more stuff on this since i suck at summarizing: x, x, x, x )

what makes this interesting to me is that jade is established to like dog people (+ is a furry), and on several occasions expresses joy about her new body. she also takes offense (rightfully so) when she is othered for it. there is a lot to say on that in relationship to this trope.

^NOTE: not talking about anything in the epilogues here, but i do believe, in general, there is a lot you can say about her experiences during that time and its connection to a trans identity. i will go insane if i have to reread the epilogues sorry :[

The Wizard of Oz Thing: so, jade has one million references to WoO in her canon, including her ruby slippers, her title as witch, emerald city (the green sun), and the yellow (brick) road sequence in callie's void. there are so many more, but for this purpose, i'm just going to focus on jade getting removed from the small, isolated life she once knew and thrown into a journey of self-discovery as a young girl. i won't lie, there's so much that can be read into this, it's like impossible to summarize it. here's some texts just so you can see what i mean: x, x, x.

Exposure to genuine queerness through Davepeta: this one is kind of short and sweet, but jade's isolation (as previously mentioned) is something that limits her exposure to casual queerness in person. davepeta, among lots of things, is most definitely intended to be read as nonbinary (even if this is far from perfect lol). seeing that davepeta is a much happier implicitly transgender version of someone she once knew to be struggling with their identity is the kind of direct 1:1 "aha!" butterfly effect moment a lot of isolated trans ppl experience.

final thoughts for now: to say that jade is transgender is just like saying the sky is blue or that we need oxygen to breathe. there are so many other smaller nuances here i haven't even covered but, very personally, i read jade as transmasculine. no matter what though, i believe with all my heart that jade is transgender <3

also note: i skimmed a lot of the linked texts but pls read them with the understanding that they're here more for thought than to be genuine citations.

ok thanks for reading ^^ sorry if none of this makes sense, i am not a deep thinker, but its still been on my mind. i just figured it put this out there since i want to be able to reference back to it + ill probably add more as time goes on.

[dollarbin]

Sandy Saturdays #22:

Fairport Convention's Who Knows Where the Time Goes

When questing after undiscovered delights we can forget to slow down and appreciate familiar perfections.

I'm currently reading a terrible Tarantinoesque cowboy novel instead of rereading Middlemarch. The cowboy keeps shooting people in the face but they don't die; George Eliot's hapless Fred Vincy never shoots anyone in the face: rather he gambles on the wrong horse and ardently loves a girl. Why aren't I reading about him instead?

And while we are at it, I just ate furry anchovies on cold polenta for lunch. Why didn't I just have good old peanut butter on toast?

The same goes for the Dollar Bin. Robin Williamson's Merry (but somewhat crappy) Band has been spinning on my turntable of late in place of Paul Simon; I've been listening to Dylan and The Dead and American Dream instead of Blonde on Blonde and On The Beach.

All these decisions are wrong and in need of correction.

So let's get ourselves back on track: let's listen to Fairport Convention's version of Sandy Denny's best known song, Who Knows Where The Time Goes.

Like the wonder that is peanut butter, I take this wondrous version of the song for granted and struggle to taste/hear it anew: 31 years after first buying the record every note seems familiar and already considered.

But if I, and if we, put our minds to it, the track can once again become a thing of wonder. When Sandy joined the band in 68 she'd already recorded the song several times at home and with her former band, The Strawbs. It was her calling card: when Judy Collins latched onto the song and named an entire album based on it a year later I doubt anyone in Sandy's circle was shocked; rather I bet they all said she and the song deserved it.

Who Knows Where the Time Goes is a M.F. of a song; here in our chaste blog that stands for Mother Figure, not what your coarse minds assumed. And mothers are like Sandy's signature song: they are among the best, most admirable things on earth.

As I listen to the song with fresh ears here in the summer of 2024 what I love most about this version is Sandy's generosity. It's her song, but she does not dominate in volume or gesture; rather she lets the band's other genius, Richard Thompson, sing along with her - though he does his calling out through six subtle strings rather than with his voice.

Listen to the two of them patiently and generously make room for one another; the empty spaces between their efforts are as musical as the notes they make. They do not count the time; over more than five generous (and therefore unmarketable as a single) minutes they allow that time to unfold with care, sensitivity and warmth. The drumming, from Martin Lamble, who'd die tragically within a few sort weeks of this recording in an auto accident involving the whole band that would forever change them all, is also pretty damn great.

I remember ditching a portion of my senior year in high school to drive with my college-age girlfriend (now my sainted wife) up to Santa Cruz; we slept in open fields on campus and then stayed with a woman we knew who handed me a sandwich and said "eat this." I'd spent my childhood eating countless dollops of Laura Scudders on squashy, grocery store wheat. They tasted like nothing and got the job done: doughy filler for normal days.

But in Santa Cruz in 1993 I ate handmade, sprouted, whole wheat bread with seeds all over it for the first time in my life; I finally tasted freshly ground organic peanuts. Together they were basically the best things I'd ever eaten.

It was on that same trip that I bought Liege and Lief for $3 and discovered Sandy Denny. And so I encountered the sublime in music and food all at once. I was falling in love with life at the same time I was falling in love with a girl.

I'm blessed to say that all those ingredients remain in my daily life 30 plus years later. I just need to put down my terrible cowboy book, greet my wife, drop the needle and spread the peanut butter.

[gible-love-nibles-archive]

Eternal Diva Fic (Part... 2!)

I'm probably gonna keep these descriptions short because. I dunno what to say. I'm formatting this at the same time as Part 1 (on Sycamore Sunday lol) so I don't know what your guys' reaction to that part is at this moment.

Either way, enjoy!

Trigger warning for death related to illness and implied falls to death (everyone turns out to be fine, though that's not said until later)

Word Count: 1.3k / Previous / Next

I flipped between watching the opera and (trying to) read the provided pamphlet about the premise, the performers, all of that.

Apparently, the show was based on the legend of Ambrosia, a kingdom that found eternal life.  The story went that the queen of the kingdom loved music above all else (which certainly made it a good fit for an opera).  However, she fell gravely ill one day.  The Ambrosians who adored their queen tried everything they could to save her, but she passed away.  Just after she died, they discovered a cure: The Elixir of Eternal Life.  The people all drank the elixir and hoped one day, their queen would come back to them, reborn as someone else.  The opera followed the story one-to-one.

There were other tidbits I skimmed: the opera’s writer Oswald Whistler, who dedicated the show to his deceased daughter Melina; the main performer Janice Quatlane who was a student at Gressenheller University; and the strange machine that was being used to play the music, the Detragan.  

But something was missing from the book.  It mentioned that the opera and the Detragan were part of an exchange between Mr. Whistler and the inventor.  But beyond that, there was no mention of who commissioned “The Eternal Kingdom” besides the fact that they built this opera house themselves.  

It was odd.  Mr. Whistler seemed like a pretty big name in the business if this was his first opera he had written in years.  Certainly, you would want to attach your name to someone that big, even if it was just to leverage yourself.  And the fact that they built the Crown Patone was brushed aside so quickly didn’t sit right with me either.

…I was starting to notice there were lots of little details around this event that didn’t have a clear answer.  Like puzzle pieces that you couldn’t quite fit into place.  This seat being by itself, the complete silence about the opera’s commissioner, the unusual design of the theater… 

“Oh, what am I saying?” I tried to snap myself out of it. “You’re out at an opera!  When was the last time you did something like this?  And you’re going to see that pleasant professor again.  You’re overthinking this.”

But while I was thinking that, something caught my eye on my left.  By the time I turned to look, it was already almost gone.  The only thing I saw was a dark, furry… something.  Was that a tail?  A dog’s tail?

Now I knew I was thinking too hard about all of this.  There was no way someone would bring a dog in here.

I turned back to the stage right at the finale.  Pretty soon, the last note of the opera was sung and the performance ended.  As the lights came on, the audience was quiet.

An oddly familiar voice cut through the quiet and started to clap vigorously: “Bravo!” That got the crowd to politely clap, but it was clear no one’s heart was really in it.  Once it stopped after a bit, the same voice spoke up: “Professor, why aren’t people clapping?”

It finally hit me who that voice was: it was the boy who tagged along with Professor Layton in Misthallery.  Luke Triton!  And the professor was here with him.  

That revelation wasn’t allowed to sink in though, as the lights swiftly turned off again.  After a moment, a spotlight illuminated a lone man on stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen!  Welcome to my theater, the Crown Patone!” He greeted the seated audience. “You are truly fortunate.  For tonight, you will witness a miracle.” The crowd really began to clap; clearly, everyone was really here for the game of eternal life.  I had almost completely forgotten about it.

…But even from my seat in the balcony, I could tell something was wrong.  The man moved way too stiffly, and he even needed to be pulled back up from the torso like a puppet on strings.  Whoever this was was not our host.  

“As was promised when you purchased your tickets: tonight, one person from the audience gathered here will receive… the gift of eternal life.”

I told myself before that I would leave after the show and go find Layton.  But now-- with all these unanswered questions and our host decidedly not making an appearance-- I couldn’t pick myself up out of my seat.  I wasn’t going to play the game, but I was going to try and get to the bottom of this.

“However, there is one condition.  All of you gathered here are going to play a little game.  The rules are simple.  The prize for the lucky winner?  Eternal life.  But those of you who lose will lose your lives!  You must admit this is a small price for those who’re desiring such a big prize.”

That definitely caused a stir in the crowd.  I guess they thought the prize would be determined by a drawing or something along those lines.  Certainly nothing like this.

It wasn’t long until people started jumping out of their chairs and running towards the exit.  However, they found their way blocked by a group of men wearing white face masks.  Then the aisle floors gave way and people dropped down like sacks of potatoes.  After a bit, the floors closed again like nothing had happened.

I just sat and watched in horror.  I was frozen in my seat.  I tried to tell myself that those people were fine, that nothing had happened to them, that the whole threat of death was empty.  But it felt hollow.

However, the night’s wild events were just getting started.  A man’s voice cut through the tension.

“Fear not!  I am Inspector Grosky of the Yard!”

Inspector Grosky was standing next to the masked man on the stage.  It seemed like the inspector had the other man cuffed.

Grosky was definitely a hard man to forget.  He helped us during the investigation in Misthallery… when we got him to stand still.  Otherwise, he was off like a bullet train, solving crime or whatever else needed solving.  

He might jump to conclusions and be hard to keep up with (quite literally), but he was reliable.  Seeing him here in the theater was a great relief.

“My finely honed investigation showed something suspicious would happen here in this theater tonight, and I am here to put a stop to it!” Grosky continued. “Ladies and gentlemen!  No one will lose their lives.  I, Inspector Grosky of the Yard, have arrested this diabolical criminal!”

“Are you quite sure of that, Inspector?” Another voice asked.  I sprung up out of my chair at the sound.  It only took the sight of a tall top hat to know who it was.  Professor Layton was indeed in the theater with Luke.

But that just brought the question of “why didn’t he want to sit near me” back into my mind.  It wasn’t like I particularly minded one way or the other; I really wasn’t hung up about it.  What bothered me was that Layton wore his reputation as a gentleman quite proudly, and leaving a lady to sit by herself certainly wasn’t something he would do.  Questions upon questions, and none of them were getting answered fast.

I got snapped out of my thoughts by a shout from the stage and the whole theater beginning to rumble.  There were mechanical sounds from above.  Looking up, the roof was pulling away to reveal the starry night sky.  And the inspector was flying towards it.  

The “man” Grosky arrested turned out to be a puppet, and an inflatable puppet at that.  The balloon glided up to the opened ceiling, but got stuck on a spike and popped.  I grimaced, and my hand unconsciously went to my stomach watching the inspector get dragged around by the flailing balloon.

But with a little chuckle, a new voice over the theater speakers asked for our attention. “Ladies and gentlemen!  Without further interruption… let us begin our journey to eternal life!”

[lokishivaze]

My DeviantArt days were full of learning from negative and positive events.

I wish to clear the air for some of the negatives.

I saw a few fox artists, foxes are one of my favorite animals and I decided to join fox loving groups so I can share my love for foxes with others who are in the same boat. Drama then started and I was accused of a lot of things which were unintentional on my part. I didn't realize what I was doing wasn't the right thing. I also tried to fit into the furry fandom. Heck, I made a fursona. Her name was Raika and she has not been drawn in forever. I've been told my stuff was sub-par, I was accused of tracing and being an art thief which I never was. Like every fandom, there were trolls in it as well. I was even called one which I am not. I am an art appreciator. I was then told I can't favorite things that some have favorited, I can't be in the same groups they're in. I have more than one favorite animal. My number 1 favorite animal is the horse. It has always been that way since I was little. Were some of my reactions and actions not the best, absolutely. No doubt in my mind. Some were unintentional, some were not, but I learned and moved along. Heck, some have been still accusing me and reporting me constantly trying to get me permanently banned.

Then there's the Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler fandom. Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler has gotten me through something. I had a stomach virus and I honestly was having a really bad time since I rarely get sick. Even though I was throwing up and confined to my residence, Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler was RIGHT THERE, ready for me to watch, which I did and hearing J. Michael Tatum's Sebastian Michaelis just really helped ease me in terms of not focusing on this stomach virus I had. A bit later on down the road, I created a Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler OC. She was different from other OCs in the fandom due to the timeline, what happened to her and she isn't shipped with ANY Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler characters, not even Sebastian, the Black Butler himself, because I knew that tons of people have done that already and I didn’t want to go down that path. Despite some people assuming and/or thinking she was shipped with Sebastian, I kept to my rules and made the relationship between my OC and Sebastian Butler to Master, Teacher to Student and Fatherly Figure and Daughter. Like every fandom, drama was there, I tried to avoid confrontation, but alas, I was accused of sucking up to artists, trying to get free art, etc. I was even accused of one-upping someone else's OC due to me submitting my OC after their's was posted in groups of the fandom. I am in so many groups, it's hard for me to keep track if certain pieces were in there or not. And for someone to say that one constantly throws up every time they saw my OC, that's exaggerating. Also, people in that fandom wanted to be in their own little isolated cliques especially around a certain ship and to me, that is really isolating and hurtful to those who make the effort of trying to say hello despite them not feeling comfortable doing it or being shy. I know I am for a fact. I may not look it on the outside, but I keep it all in. I'm neutral when it comes to Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler ship pairings. There was even a time where someone stated on a piece I traded something for that they wouldn't be drawing any Black ButlerxOC pieces for anyone anymore, which I can respect, but then they said in a replied comment on my piece that stated, "Oh, I'll still draw this for you, them, them and them" and that's what honestly hurts. If you want to only do that for certain people, note them instead of making a public comment reply on someone's piece because someone is just bound to see it. That's what saddened me. Not to mention someone else said on a different piece, "Ooooh since your OC, isn't impressed with their OC, I wonder what they think of mah OC," That's just a little not nice. When I posted a forum stating that I was looking for commissions, but was looking for specific things, a Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler example was one of the specific requirements. Because that series helped me so much that an example from the series represented trust. I didn't wish to make a gamble on one who didn't have the specific examples I was looking for and it isn't something to take personally. I still LOVE Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler to this day, but I have also moved on to other interests.

The forums on DeviantArt were both good and bad in some ways. I listed specific requirements like a specific budget I would prefer to be in that range as well as due to being taken from in the past. The commission I wish to get involved a series that has helped me through a difficult time and I didn't want to gamble on someone not having examples from that certain series. Hence why I also asked for examples from that specific series. Some people didn't really read what I was looking for carefully and just posted whatever they wanted and say "I can do this." I even said that an example from a certain series could be a sketch or a doodle. I have also stated that it was written on my post clearly that I am looking for certain things. Yes, I have looked at forum posts and commented on them without reading everything carefully. That's my bad. Now, I have been criticized of wanting to see specific examples from a certain series and one user did this and then listed their commission sheet which had no examples from said series, not to mention that the commissions were out of my budget range. My forum post was then posted on an artist commission group journal and I would get comments from users who are in that group and get criticized even more. A senior on DA who was also a member of that group blocked me. My forum post was removed from the group journal thank goodness, but the person who put my post there in the first place also blocked me which I never asked to happen. Someone tried to rope me into signing a contract when they didn't provide me one specific example that I put down as a requirement. An artist who labeled themselves as a professional came on to my forum and replied to one of my replies and called me profanity names and used profanity on me which to me, is FAR from professional in my eyes. That honestly hurt. If the company, Riot can ask for specific art examples from candidates, why can't an individual do that when they're looking to commission something? Someone who I used to follow on DA said to me that I don't appreciate the time and effort artists do on every piece. They said this because I had a set budget and I wouldn't be able to purchase what I'd like to get done. This would have to do with additional characters costing extra. I respect that more than one character would cost more, but that doesn't mean I have to commission them despite my budget requirement. I clearly state my budget requirement on my forum posts.

There are still fandoms that I am well-connected in today and I wouldn't trade any of those for the digital realm!

The Anime and Video Game fandoms where I know people in real life from as well as on DA, Instagram and such.

The Fantasy fandom that has my friends, Grimmi, Geekgirl8, Maria, Pumkinkiller777, Jack, Kita, Sleepy, Iruka, TheNobles, onenerdtwonagas, Bellawella, Taylor, Konnichibot (BFF IRL), CrystalHannah (BFF IRL), NuclearZombie, AnimeMangaBerserker, Nessa and many other friends and artists who draw Nagas, Hypnosis, OCs, Fantasy, etc.

The Is It Love? fandom is the fandom where I met a bestie of mine, Victoria. It was via the IIL RP. I love and care about her to pieces.

The RP/Motionless In White fandom where I kept up with Victoria as well as made some new friends like Cass and an admin behind a Magnus Bane RP account and in all honesty, I'm very grateful for being in that clique.

The Marvel Loki fandom is another that I feel I'm starting to fit into. The majority of who I've been talking to have been kind and understanding to me. This wretched wretched pandemic was a spark to what got me to re-awaken my love for Loki. I loved Loki when I watched Thor The Dark World back in 2014. Tom Hiddleston and the Loki Series helped me through this fricked up pandemic. It was ready for me to watch and it helped me to keep my sanity up. It was also an aid to help me take the smiley face mask off and finally say, "No, I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all." My love for Tom and Loki connected me to fans and artists who love to draw the characters. I even met a couple at a convention or two when it was okay for conventions to happen again. My love for Loki is up so much, that whenever I post about looking for commissions on Instagram (Which didn't get a lot of bites), Tumblr (also didn't get a lot of bites) and Twitter (Twitter, I will honestly never do again), I list the same requirements as I did when looking for Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler commissions on DeviantArt. That's how much I love Loki and I am not willing to commission someone who doesn't have the specific examples I'm looking for. A Loki example done by the artist who is offering a service to me represents trust. When I did a search on Twitter, the majority of what I got were those who didn't read, tried to push to get money out of me and sent me Loki examples that were AI or done by another artist and not by them. That to me is honestly disgusting and it just backs me away from doing anything else with said person, especially if I'm looking for a specific style and all they show me are examples of a different style that I'm not interested in.

I am still alive and on DeviantArt. I'm more active on other platforms. It has been quite the learning experience for me.