#not to mention im ignoring the board practicals coming up in less than a week

[izzyshitposts]

i go on tumblr, reblog tons of stuff i find cool and leave and that is so slay of me omg

[kal-djarin]

Memories From the Past

Fandom: Star Wars

Date Posted: February 8th, 2021

Pairing: Reader x Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: angst, fluff, suggestive themes but no actual smut, fighting? 

Request: n/a

A/N: Okay I’m actually kinda proud of this one. I really love the dynamic of Obitine so I tried to translate that into fic without stealing the entire plot, but it steal is very obviously similar. I really hope the flash back scenes and change in pov. make sense, I had some issues trying to figure out what tense I should use for them, but hopefully it’s not confusing. IM SORRY THE ENDING IS RUSHED!!! As always please let me know what you think!! 

Word Count: 4.5k 

The news of Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi’s return to Sundari caused an array of emotions throughout the Palace. The Royal Guards were more watchful than usual, still not truly able to release the years of grudges held against the Jedi Order and Satine, was glad to be reunited with her old friend, despite the impromptu meeting being over possible changes in where the planet stood in the Clone Wars; a figure dressed in Mandalorian armour attacking a Republic cruiser would bring anyone to question the supposed position of neutrality Mandalore held.

You, on the other hand, were instantly filled with dread. Years have passed from the last time you have laid eyes on Obi-Wan and still the mere mention of him causes hundreds of memories to resurface.

When Satine became Duchess of Mandalore, many people were happy, but there were still insurgents that would not accept her pacifist leadership. They would send bounty hunters to try to eliminate her and the power she held. These constant threats against her life compelled Obi-Wan and his Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn to remove her and you, her most trusted advisor, from Mandalore and live on the run for nearly a year.

You lived one day at a time, trying to focus on surviving the present and live to see what uncertainties the future held. Most people would think that living in such dubious conditions would be terrifying, but it was one of the best years of your life.

Right when you met Obi-Wan, you were instantly turned off by him, despite his handsome looks. His diplomatic kindness and reverence felt impersonal and fake instead of charming and he was far too arrogant for your liking. Qui-Gon, on the other hand, was someone you befriended very quickly. His empathetic and wise nature instantly connected the two of you and he became almost like a father-figure. He was constantly giving you advice and was the only reason you tolerated Obi-Wan in the beginning.

Obi-Wan instantly felt this disfavor towards him, bringing out his sarcasm and frequent jabs, making him even more unbearable. The two of you spent weeks either trying to see who could irritate the other more or just completely ignoring each other, to both Qui Gon and Satine’s dismay. Qui-Gon always tried convincing you that you and Obi-Wan would make a great pair if the two of you would just stop being so stubborn, but his advice fell onto deaf ears.

Your hostility towards each other did die however, when you were being chased by venom-mites on a cliff on Draboon. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fought them off as you and Satine escaped to the ship. Satine ran onto the boarding ramp and just as you were about to join her, you tripped over a divot in the ground, the momentum of it almost completely hurtling you off the side of the cliff, had you not grabbed a hold of the ledge.

All you can remember was the absolute terror that coursed through your veins and Satine’s horrified scream. Your body was hung over what seemed to be a bottomless pit and the only thing anchoring it were your hands; hands that were rather weak from a life devoid of physical exertion and that were slipping as each second passed.

You struggled, trying to find a way to climb up to solid land, but soon realized all the effort was fruitless. Obi-Wan, startled by Satine’s cries for help, turned around and saw your rather unfortunate situation. His eyes widened and he quickly turned from his Master and ran towards where you hung. When he was close enough, he slid to his knees and stretched his arm out to you.

“(Y/N), Take my hand!”

You wanted to, you really did, but the fear of falling to transfer your grip from the ground to his hand was too debilitating.

“Obi-Wan, I can’t, I’ll fall!” You managed to choke out

“You have to trust me!” His voice was loud, but still held its usual steadiness. His eyes however gave away his true emotions. They were frantically searching your own trying to convince you to lay your life in his hands. You could practically feel his terror radiating off of him.

Realizing you were out of options, you slowly released your grip and reached out to grasp his outstretched hand. Your fingers barely grazed his own and you knew it was too late. Gravity met you full force, and you felt yourself scream as your body began to plummet.

Then, all of a sudden, a warm cradling feeling caught you, interrupting your imminent death. You felt yourself rise over the cliff and saw Obi-Wan’s concentrated face and twitching hand. When you were about a foot above the ground, you dropped into Obi-Wan’s arms, and let out a sob of relief. Your body was racked with tears, still trying to process what just happened, and Obi-Wan just held you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, seeking comfort for your near death, and leaned against Obi-Wan’s own shaking body.

That day was the start of a new relationship for the two of you. You began to confide in each other more and felt the trust between the two of you grow as time passed. Obi-Wan dropped his guard of fake diplomacy and began to act more like himself. Of course, he still had his sarcastic humor, but it was more endearing now and his kindness felt genuine.

Soon, your relationship became more than just finding comfort in each other. When one of you couldn’t sleep, you and Obi-Wan would just sit together and talk until you became tired or if it was time to get up. Being around him was effortless and there was an understanding the two of you had that was rare to find. Of course, there was still tension between the two of you but it was different, less hostile.

If your relationship with him had ended there, innocent and full of what-ifs, you would have been just as excited as Satine was to see him. You wouldn’t currently be standing in the throne room, shaking with anxiety, waiting for him to step through the doors.

Just as you begin to contemplate completely ditching Obi-Wan’s arrival, the doors are opened and you hear the Prime Minister talking to him.

You look down and try to not draw attention to yourself, which is impossible considering Satine insisted you walk in beside her. Satine knew you and Obi-Wan were close, but you never told just how far your relationship with him went, so she didn’t see anything with the reunion. She sits down at the throne and you stand next to her. They greet each other briefly and the sound of Obi-Wan being so close to you again gives you the courage to finally meet his gaze.

He looks absolutely radiant, somehow looking more attractive than you remembered. His hair is a bit longer and a perfectly trimmed bear adorns his handsome face. You can’t help but stare, trying to take in the view you have been deprived of for almost 15 years.

“After all these years, you're even more beautiful than ever,” He says towards Satine, but still keeps his eyes locked on you.

You break the intense eye contact and try to not let his smooth words affect you. He doesn’t falter at your discreet rejection and continues the diplomatic conversation between him and Satine. She invites him on a walk through the city, and to your dismay, she gestures for you to join them. You walk just behind Satine, allowing the two of them to lead the way. Air speeders whistle by around you and people walk around the city, going about their day, unbothered by the Duchess and Jedi moving around them. You hear Satine talk about the current predicament Mandalore has found itself in with the Death Watch and you know you should be paying attention and adding into the conversation for sake of not seeming rude, but can’t help but carefully watch Obi-Wan’s side profile as he walks.

It’s perfect just like the rest of him and triggers yet another memory in your mind: you and his first kiss. It was a couple months after the incident on Draboon, and the four of you were forced to spend the night in a cave because of a rather wild storm. You sat on the cold floor near the fire Qui-Gon made, unable to rest, just watching the rain hit the mouth of the cave for hours. Unlike you, Satine used her time wisely, quickly finding much needed sleep. Qui-Gon had been meditating earlier, but now seemed to be resting as well, facing the inside of the cave. Obi-Wan sat cross-legged, reading a book about, if you remembered from his earlier explanation correctly, the method of Jar’Kai, farthest from the fire.

It wasn’t long before he noticed your restless form and decided to sit down next to you, close enough for your shoulders to touch.

“What’s up with you?” He asked, nudging your shoulder with his own.

Usually this kind of touch wouldn’t have caused you any issues, but more recently, you began to take note of every physical contact the two of you made. Obi-Wan was rather reserved, so knowing he so frequently chose to make contact with you gave you conflicting feelings. You turned and looked at him and suddenly felt rather sad.

“Don’t you wish we could be more carefree, like other people our age?”

He looked taken aback from your sudden question, but soon began to contemplate, fingers coming up to gently grasp his chin. After a moment, he looked back at you and shook his head.

“I never truly have thought about it. Why?” He questions further.

You knew why. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, Obi-Wan has found a special place in your heart. Months of confiding and building trust with one another let you get to know his true personality, making it impossible not to feel so much for him. But, although you were just teenagers, the both of you had responsibilities and expectations of you. He was a Jedi and you had to stay focused on helping Satine rebuild Mandalore after the raging civil war.

So instead of answering his question, you decided to satiate the need to feel reckless by standing up and walking out into the rain. The feel of the cold drops on your skin should have annoyed you, but instead it made you feel alive; it helped numb the feelings you so badly wish you didn’t have.

“What are you doing!” Obi-Wan yelled, looking alarmed at your sudden uncharacteristic decision.

“I’m living!!” You replied, soaking in the feeling of the rain and quickly running back and grabbing his hands with your dripping ones.

“Come on, Obi Wan, join me” You urged. His eyes are wide in shock but, nonetheless, takes off his outer robes and walks out into the rain.

His trust to join you with no question made you feel even more giddy and you dragged him into the middle of the valley that the cave sat in. You grabbed his hands and began to dance, if you could even call it that. Obi-Wan, as comfortable as he was with you, immediately stiffened up, since he was never truly taught how to dance. This setback, however, caused little pause in your actions and you just spun with him around in a circle.

The drumming of the rain did little to drown out your laugh whenever Obi-Wan would stumble, to his dismay, but he too began to chuckle at the unskilled dancing going on. You gazed up at him and just from the look on his face you knew your feelings for him were going nowhere. His hair laid flat on his head, soaked, and his face was covered in water and he looked breathtaking. He  made you feel safe and trusted and maybe that was the reason you decided to risk it all.

You grabbed his face between your hands and pressed your lips to his. It was short-lived, with him quickly pulling away with his eyebrows furrowed and lips parted.

You instantly were filled with regret, embarrassed from the rejection, and went to run back into the cave to hide from your mistake. You felt selfish, trying to act on feelings that completely disrespected everything Obi-Wan lived for. Right when you pulled away from his arms, Obi-Wan quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you back in.

His hands went up to cradle your face and he kissed you. It was overwhelming how much emotion he was channeling through it. The kiss was needy and hard but his hands were gentle, one of them coming up to tangle itself in your soaked hair. You could tell he was inexperienced, his form being a tad messy, but the passion put into it made up for any mistakes.

You feel a hand rest on your shoulder and are instantly pulled out of the memory. You see Satine looking at you, worry written all over her face.

“(Y/N), are you alright?” She asks, her eyes searching your face.

You go to answer her and shut down any of her worries about you, but catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan and lose the words. His face looks almost distraught and you know he must have seen what you were thinking of. You force yourself to look away from him and respond to Satine.

“Yes, sorry I must have zoned out.” You apologize, hoping she buys your white lie. “As a matter of fact is it alright if I return to the Palace, I think I need a little rest”

She still looks worried, but quickly approves of your request and turns back to walk with Obi-Wan, who still seems bothered by your memory, but remains cordial and attentive.

You turn and go back to the Palace, a single guard flanking your side. When you return, you do exactly what you told Satine, you lie on your bed and rest, or at least try to.

***

When Obi-Wan sensed the memory you were thinking of, he was no longer able to focus on the important matter at hand. Even after the bombing on Mandalore after you left and him nearly being crushed to death on Concordia, he found himself thinking about it. He remembers that day so clearly; the first time he truly gave into his temptations.

He had worked so hard to stay in the Jedi Order- nobody wanted him as a Padawan. He was always not enough and it was only by fate that Qui-Gon decided to take him under his wing. He knew better than anyone that the title of Jedi was invaluable and there you were making him question everything he ever knew. He knew Jedi weren’t supposed to form attachments or express their emotions, so why did he keep indulging himself with your presence.

The moment you kissed him, Obi-Wan’s instinct was to run. He was powerless against the attachment he had to you, so he knew the best way to stop it was to completely remove himself from the situation. He had every intention of doing so when he pulled away the first time, but then his other instincts kicked in. He felt the feel of your hands on his face, the closeness of your body, and realized there was no way he could let this go, at least not now.

Days after the kiss, Obi-Wan was filled with disgust at himself. He hated that he let himself indulge. He hated how he completely disregarded everything he was ever taught. He hated the fact that he loved every second of it, and what he hated most of all is that he began to wonder how it would feel to kiss your neck, skin, and other very un Jedi-like places.

Because of this, the months of progress the two of you made in your relationship were completely erased. He knew it was unfair to you, but he had to uphold the morals of a Jedi, and being around you made that goal impossible. He reverted back to the arrogant and guarded Padawan and pushed you away every time you tried to fix things.

But his efforts were fruitless. You knew Obi-Wan and were not able to let go of his sudden change in personality.

His Master also noticed the sudden change in relationship and decided to take matters in his own hands. He decided to send the two of you off on a mission to retrieve some sort of plant and herb. The two of you walked through the woods, The entire trip, Obi-Wan ignored every attempt of yours to engage in conversation and didn’t even truly acknowledge your presence. You finally decided to confront him, to his dismay.

“Was it truly that horrifying to kiss me, Obi-Wan”

“What?” He said, trying to keep the act up.

“Was it so bad to the point of ignoring me,” You pushed, getting angrier by the minute.

“I hardly see how that is relevant to the current task at han-” He began to deflect but was cut off by you grabbing his shoulder and whipping him around. Angry tears began to form in your eyes and at the site, Obi-Wan felt his facade crack.

“You don’t get to decide to drop me when things get hard, Obi-Wan” You spat, emphasizing your words by jabbing your finger on his chest.

Obi-Wan tried. He tried so hard to stay away from you. But the look of anger and heartbreak on your face made him, give into your spell, once again. He grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes.

He knew he was going to hate himself after, like last time, but the temporary pleasure it brought was impossible to resist, so he kissed you.

The kiss was hard and full of anger: anger at you, at himself, at the Jedi Order, and at the world for making you his weakness. You instantly reacted bringing your hand around to run through his short auburn hair and pulling your body as close as possible.

Obi-Wan deepened the kiss, letting his tongue explore the inners of your mouth, inciting a moan from your lips. Obi-Wan felt himself flush from the obscene sound and couldn’t help but feel bolder from the thought of bringing you pleasure. He started to kiss along your jawline and down your neck, his brain becoming muddled from the pleasure of it all.

You had begun to take off his robes and that was when he came to his senses. He knew he had to stop this, it was completely un Jedi-like and uncivilized, especially out in the open. His thoughts were immediately shut down however when you slid your hand down his chest. He decided to burn every single pleasure and feeling into memory and worry later. Your hand began to venture between his legs and that was the second time Obi-Wan gave into temptation.

You were all he could think about while fighting on Concordia, and he knew this was why Jedi don’t form attachments. Just the memory of your relationship caused his judgement to be clouded. He couldn’t imagine how he would have been if you were there during the fight with Death Watch: constantly worried, focused on an individual rather than the greater good.

He was relieved to get on to the Coronet and away from the memory of his failures as a Jedi, but that relief was short-lived when he saw you boarding the ship alongside Satine.

***

Satine, as strong-willed as ever, insisted on you going to Coruscant with her. She didn’t want you to be alone on Mandalore, vulnerable to the rapidly more aggressive Death Watch attacks. Once aboard the ship, you settle into your temporary room and head down to meet back up with the Duchess, who was currently discussing her position of neutrality with other senators down the hall.

As you walk towards the meeting, you run into a young, handsome man and Obi-Wan. You immediately freeze, not prepared for the sudden direct interaction and just stare at him. “O-Obi-Wan” You stutter out, not knowing how to fully go about this.

Obi-Wan looks equally as startled, but recovers quickly and introduces you to the younger man.

“(Y/N), this is Anakin Skywalker, my Padawan and Anakin this is Adviser (L/N).”

You tear your eyes away from Obi-Wan’s and quickly greet Anakin with a nod and small smile. Wordlessly, you walk through the door and head to Satine’s side, not before hearing the Padawan say, “On a first name basis, huh, Master?” and a small grunt following a hitting noise.

The meeting was full of high tensions, many, including Obi-Wan, disagreeing with Mandalore’s neutrality. It was always an issue when brought up, and even you saw the issues with it. The idea of staying neutral and not interfering in a war is noble but is much harder in execution and can cause more turmoil in the long run.  

As soon as the meeting is dismissed, you file out of the room, trying to avoid any more confrontation. You head to the room where you are supposed to have dinner and find Satine waiting for you.

Obi-Wan enters the room, walking with other leaders. All you had to do was get to Coruscant. Once there you can get out of here and not have to think about Obi-Wan Kenobi ever again. You zone out for most of the meal, not noticing the nervous atmosphere starting to settle over everyone or the warning Obi-Wan gives about a situation going on below decks.

You are suddenly pulled out of your own head, when you hear him yell to the guards about securing the lifts. You see the blue light of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and Satine quickly stands up from the table, bringing you with her.

A horrifying crunching sound is heard and the doors to the lift begins to wrench open, revealing a giant spider droid. It easily knocks down the guards and clambers onto the table, quickly approaching the group of senators. Obi-Wan goes into action and severs the spider droid's legs and lands a fatal lightsaber wound to its head.

The people around you breathe a sigh of relief but soon find out that it's far from over. Miniature spider droids begin to pop out of the body of the larger one and spread out to box the group of you in. Senators begin freaking out, but you and Satine know better. Years of dealing with the pushback of the people have forced you to learn how to defend yourself. Not to mention, the year spent with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan required you to spend quite a bit of time learning to fight. You and Satine immediately pull out your deactivators and get to work killing the droids.

Obi-Wan joins the fight with his lightsaber and the two of you fall into the instinctual rhythm from all those years ago. Back to back, slowly turning, ensuring the other doesn’t get too overwhelmed by the enemy. As much as you hate being reminded of your once very close relationship, it's easier to connect to him through the ease of physical touch. You can predict his movements and fighting techniques, making it much easier to interact than dialogue. Once all, except one, of the droids are eliminated, Obi-Wan turns towards you and seems as if he has something to say but quickly stops himself and walks away to check on the others. The adrenaline coursing through your veins from the fight keeps you on edge however, even after you return to your seat.

It stays with you, even when Anakin returns to inform Obi-Wan that there is a seperatist among you. The surviving spider droid is walked around the table, a test to see who it won’t attack. When Obi-Wan reaches Tal Merrik, a sudden change in the droid's hostile behavior proves him to be a traitor.

You watch in horror as Tal grabs Satine and holds a blaster to her head. The adrenaline from the previous fight serves you well because, even before Obi-Wan has time to react to the sudden change in severity of the situation, a fallen guard’s blaster, set to stun, is in your hand and has already raised and fired at the Senator. He quickly falls, releasing Satine.

You release a shaky breath and everyone, including Obi-Wan, stares in shock at your quick save.

“T-thank you,” Satine says, obviously shaken from almost being held hostage.

You nod in acknowledgment and watch as Tal Merrik is put into custody.

For obvious reasons, all the senators decide to retire to their rooms for the rest of the night.

Exhausted emotionally and physically, you do the same and head to your room after making sure Satine arrived at hers safely. You are about to relax into your bed when you hear a knock at the door. You open it to find Obi-Wan standing there, looking rather uncomfortable. “What do you want, Obi-Wan,” you sigh, tired of hiding from your past.

“I thought that we could talk”

“You are the last person to want to talk about feelings, Obi” You say turning around and heading back into the room, silently allowing him access to your space.

He walks in and closes the door behind him and leans against the wall opposite of you.

“I thought it would be a benefit to the both of us if we just talk”

“What do you want me to say Obi-Wan?” You raise your voice, tired of his roundabout way of talking.

“Do you want me to say I’m in love with you? But you already knew that didn’t you, all those years ago, and you still left” you accuse spitefully, not believing that you could somehow still have feelings for such an emotionally constipated man.

His face contorts into one of regret and grief at the mention of his abandoning you, but you still don’t let up.

“I think it’s better if you just go, Obi Wan. It’s what you do best.” You spit out, turning around to face away from him.

You hear him push off the wall and begin to move, but instead of leaving like you told him to, he walks up to you. You sense his presence against your back and he is so close you can feel his breath gently hitting the back of your neck. He stands there and lightly touches your hand with his own, breathing you in, again resorting to physical touch when his words fail. You bask in the closeness of him, giving into the way you missed his touch.

After a few moments, you hear him sigh and pull away from you.

“Had you said the word, I would have left the Jedi Order”

With that confession, he slowly leaves and shuts the door, leaving you more confused and heartbroken than ever.

[kpop---scenarios]

The Right One

Genre: Frat/College AU! Bestfriends brother! Enemies to lovers!

Warning: Smut, Cheating, Violence, Drinking 

Pairing: Wong Yukhei x Reader

Word Count:  7.6k Moodboard by the lovely: @lovely-kpopp-blog

You had only ever met one man truly worth loving. Who would have ever thought it would be your best friends brother?

Starting high school is hard for anyone, but it’s even harder when you know absolutely no one there, due to being new. Majority of these kids grew up together, they’ve been friends for year and here you are, coming in, trying to be friends with people. The first few months were horrible. You sat alone at lunch time, when the teacher would announce a project that you had to pair up with someone for, you were left to do everything by yourself. You were always left to defend yourself from the typical high school means girls too. They spread rumors about you, locked you in the bathroom stalls, pushed you around during breaks from class.

Finally, the day you felt like you couldn’t take it any longer, they had smacked the books from your hands before kicking them down the hall and pushing you to the ground. The girls stood there, laughing and pointing at you as you fought to keep your tears at bay. You were angry, no not angry, you were furious. Just as you were about to stand up, and stand up for yourself you heard a loud voice from down the hall.

“Hey!” the voice yelled. “I’m so sick of you stupid cunts always picking on people. She hasn’t done anything to you, so back the fuck off" the girl snarls, offering you a hand to help you up.

The girls who had been bullying you, walked away looking rather offended. You were thankful she stood up for you, but now you felt like thing were going to be much worse for you. It was almost like she had read your mind.

“Don’t worry about them. I’ve got your back, and I’m going to teach you how to throw a mean left hook for next time" she laughs, dragging you down the hall to pick up your books.

“I’m Mina" she says, handing you your books.

“Y/N" you reply with a smile.

“I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends, y/n. But you gotta toughen up" she says, nudging your shoulder as the two of you walked down the hall.

And she wasn’t wrong.

From that moment, the two of you had become inseparable. She also hadn’t been wrong about the group of girls coming back for revenge on you, and she had kept her word about having your back. The girls had tried to corner you in the lunch room as few weeks after the last incident. You smiled and laughed at the names they called you, not letting it bother you anymore. That just seemed to have pissed them off even more. When you shrugged your shoulders at the last insult, the main girl pushed you back into the wall. You had never wanted to truly fight someone, but Mina had been right. You needed to toughen up and now defend yourself.

Raising your fist, you swung before she had even realized what happened. You connected dead on with her jaw, sending her to the ground. She looked up at you with tears welling in her eyes as she ordered the two other girls to hit you. And that’s when Mina had come into the room. Even with all the kids in the lunchroom, surrounding the four of you, she managed to get through everyone and take one of the girls from you. Before the two if you had a chance to really do any damage to them, they both ran off with tears in their eyes. Their leader was still on the floor, holding their jaw. Squatting down, you look her in the eyes.

“Bully me again, and it’ll be worse next time. Understand?” you asked.

She scoffed before scrambling to get up and scurrying away. You and Mina quickly left the scene as well before any teachers came into the room and you got in trouble. Mina made the rest of the school year, and the years after that more than bearable. You didn’t know what you would do without her. The first time you had ever been to Mina’s house, you were quite shocked to know she had an older brother.

She had told you practically everything else about her life, but she failed to mention him. When you had asked her about him, she told you her friends usually became a disgusting boy-crazed mess when they were in his presence, so she tried to avoid having friends meet him or see him if she could. Fortunately for her, she didn’t have to worry about that with you.

You honestly found Yukhei Wong to be the most insufferable human on the planet. His lack of care for anyone besides himself made you want to vomit, really. He was moody, only wanted to party, drink and do whatever he did with girls who just fell into his lap. You honestly were surprised at the amount of girls who just stopped by Mina’s house asking for ‘Lucas’. She had explained to you that Lucas was her preferred name. You made a point to call him Yukhei whenever you had no choice but to interact with him. Although, you would have to admit that the glares he gave you when you used his real name rather than his preferred gave you a small amount of pleasure.

**

As the years went on, your distaste for Yukhei grew the more you saw him around school, the more you saw him around Mina’s, and he clearly felt the same. You were always catching him staring at you, leaving a room if you entered it, but basically just ignoring your general presence. It was fine with you, you weren’t there for him.

One night, you had decided to spend the night at Mina’s, since her parents had practically unofficially adopted you, and the two of you were watching a few horror movies in the living room. You could hear her parents harshly whispering in the kitchen, or trying to whisper about how Yukhei had been behaving lately. Things had turned for the worst with him. He wasn’t really drinking or partying any longer, but his attitude towards his parents horrible, he didn’t listen, his respect for anyone was nonexistent. Your eyes, along with Mina’s had widened at hearing the words “boarding school" come out of her father’s mouth.

The two of you had heard them discuss it before, off and on but this time it sounded as if they had been serious. You didn’t know if they would actually go through with it, so you went to sleep that night thinking nothing would happen. You were woken up in the morning by a few loud crashes, yelling and some crying.

“Mom! You can’t do this. You can’t just ship me off! I’m your son!” Yukhei yelled, as he tries to fight his father off of him. His dad was dragging him to the car as his mom just stood there crying, mumbling that she was sorry and it needed to be done.

You would always remember the look on Yukhei’s face as their dad drove away to the train station. The look of utter betrayal would forever be etched in your mind. That was last time you had seen Yukhei Wong. Mina never really spoke to you about him, and frankly you didn’t care enough to ask her. After the two of you had graduated, she had been accepted into a prestigious school in America, while you had been accepted into the University of Seoul. You two still spoke everyday, face timed often and she was back in Seoul to see her family and you as much as she could be. She had always been the one to tell you whether or not a guy was going to be right for you or not. Usually when she met them in person she was able to tell if you two were going to click or not and you always trusted her opinion on someone. You had never been good a figuring out if someone was good for you or not.

But now that she was thousands of miles away, you were left by yourself. Which is how you ended up in some less than ideal situations. In your first year of University, you had the misfortune of catching well known bad boy, Im Jaebum’s attention.

The two of you only lasted maybe 4 months. Jaebum seemed to have thought he was far too good for you. He was so attractive, girls always wanted him, blah blah. You knew things wouldn’t work out very well with him anyways. He really only talked about 3 things; girls, his frat and drinking. You needed someone who could hold a conversation for longer than 30 seconds before getting distracted by a pretty girl with a big ass.

You stayed single the rest of the year. You were in your second year currently, and you were still single but living with a couple of girlfriends off campus in a nice little apartment. The three of you got along great, and all respected eachothers privacy. Especially when someone would bring a guy home. You either locked yourself away in your room or went to the library by yourself to study.

**

It was Saturday, and you had picked up a shift at the local café for the afternoon. Your shift was almost done and you were ready to head home, change into some pyjamas and binge watch a new drama that had just come out. Unfortunately for you, your roommates had other plans for you, and bum rushed you before you even got through the door.

“Hurry up and get ready" Soomi told you, excitedly.

“Why?” you groaned.

“We were invited to the NCT frat party!” Jisoo exclaimed.

You groaned. You didn’t really feel like partying tonight. Although, it had been a while since you had gone out and let loose. So maybe it wouldn’t actually be too bad?

“Fine. Let me get changed" you sigh, making your way to your room.

“Don’t be dressing all frumpy either!” Soomi yelled. You groaned again. There went your plans of being comfy. Thirty minutes later you emerge from your room wearing a tight pair of black leather high-waisted shorts with a cute white bralette. You had touched up your makeup, going for a more simpler look and tossing your hair into a cute messy bun.

“Girl, you look good" Jisoo smiles, grabbing your wrist to drag you out the door.

The three of you arrive, standing outside the NCT fraternity house. The music so loud in the house, you could feel the thumping of the bass all the way on the front lawn. People were littered outside the house, practically pouring out from the inside. A part of you was getting a little excited to go in now, wanting to enjoy the night. The three of you walk into the crowded house, smoke filling your lungs almost immediately. Jisoo is taken right away by a guy you’d never seen. Before you could turn to ask Soomi about it, she was whisked away by another unknown male, leaving you to fend for yourself. You needed to get drunk. You navigated your way to the kitchen with ease, pouring yourself a cup of whatever you could find, while also taking a couple shots. You were way too sober to be in a house full of extremely intoxicated people.

“Move" you hear from behind you, a vaguely familiar voice.

Spinning around, you’re met face to face with an older, surprisingly more attractive Wong Yukhei.

“Yukhei?” you ask, squinting your eyes to make sure it really is him.

“How do you know my name?” he growls, looking you in the eyes. After a second you can see his expression change from confused, to even more confused.

“Y/N?” he asks.

“It’s me.” You say, partially laughing.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, coldly. You can see his body tensed up immensely after he realized it was you.

“I was invited with my friends" you say, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you go to school here?” you ask.

“I run this frat, so yeah I do. I don’t really want to be wasting my night talking to my little sisters friend, so enjoy your night.” Yukhei says before walking away without another word. Still as big an asshole as ever.

Letting out a scoff,  you grab yourself another drink before moving yourself to the living room where majority of the people were. You scanned the room, trying to find one of your friends. They were no where to be found, you assumed they would be busy for a little bit longer. You tried to not be annoyed at your encounter with Yukhei, but you couldn’t help it.

Why had Mina never told you he went to your school? Why was he still such an asshole? You had never done anything to him, yet he hated you. Granted you weren’t a fan of his either, but at least you had a valid reason for your distaste for him. Yukhei on the other hand, did not, at least not that you knew of.

Standing in the living room, you begin to sway to the beat of the music. Letting his words slowly fade from your mind, you look around the room again but this time you locked eyes with someone unfamiliar. Messy dark brown hair, plump lips and beautiful eyes. You had no idea who this man was, but you were instantly attracted to him. He smiled at you, and you smiled back. He stood up, walking towards you but before he could reach you, you were basically tackled by your two giggling friends who dragged you away before you had the chance of meeting the handsome stranger.

You strained your neck trying to get one last glimpse of him before the two girls demanded your full attention while they explained their hookups for the night. You really did try your best to keep focus on what they were telling you, but unfortunately you were lost in your own thoughts about the handsome stranger. You thought about him off and on for the next few days. A memory of him would randomly pop up in your mind as you were trying to focus on the Literature lecture that was happening in front of you at the moment. You thought about his lips on yours.

How would he taste? You smiled as you dreamed, trying your best to keep his face in your mind always. You had yet to see the mystery man on campus that week, and so you did something that was rather unusual for you. You asked your roommates to attend another NCT frat party for the second weekend in a row.

“What happened that you’re not telling us?” Soomi asked.

“Nothing happened. You guys grabbed me before anything could really happen.” You sighed.

“I just like.. had very intense eye contact with a guy" you admit, groaning and shoving your hands in your head. That sounded completely ridiculous to you. The two girls looked at eachothers before bursting into laughter at your lame confession.

“Be ready to go in an hour” Jisoo said, still laughing as you walked away. As you entered your room, your phone began ringing. You pick it up, noticing that Mina was face timing you. Happily you answer and get her help on an outfit for tonight.

“Where are you going?” she asks, excitedly.

“NCT frat party” you hesitantly admit. “Like.. Lucas’s frat?” she asks.

“Yeah. I didn’t know he went here until I bumped into him last weekend. Why didn’t you tell me?” you question.

“Never thought about it to be honest. I didn’t think you were into frat parties.” She says, shrugging her shoulders.

“Normally I’m not. But I need to find someone I partially met last time.” You say. She begs you to tell her everything, and you happily oblige.

“Before I go. I’m going to tell Lucas to just kind of keep an eye on you, okay? I just want to make sure you’re safe"

“You know he hates me. He won’t care if anything happens to me" you say with a scoff. “But you do what you want. If it’ll make you feel better" you sigh. Immediately she perks up.

“Thank you. I’ll call you tomorrow” she smiles before hanging up. Once you’re off the phone, you quickly get dressed into the outfit the two of you had decided on. A pair of leggings with a tight black leather crop top that accentuated your breasts perfectly. Once again, arriving at the party, there was people everywhere. Maybe a few less than last time but who could really tell.

This time your friends hadn’t ditched you immediately, so you all went to grab a drink and a few shots from the kitchen before heading to the dance floor. It was more of a giant circle in the middle of the living room, but it was what it was. The moment you had started drinking, all reminders of the boy you had wanted to find faded away. You were instead enjoying your time with your friends, dancing to every song that played. Finally you had gotten a little to hot, and headed back into the kitchen to grab another drink. You weren’t paying attention and accidently bumped into someone upon turning the corner.

“Oh I’m so sorry" you say, looking up at the man you had seen last weekend.

“No worries” he smiles down at you. Your heart begins to flutter as you stare at his handsome face.

“Did you need a drink?” he asks, stepping to the side to let you through.

“I do. Thank you" you shyly smile, walking past him to grab a drink and a shot.

“My name is Johnny by the way" he tells you, leaning against the door frame.

“I’m Y/N" you respond.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl" he says, moving closer to you. “I saw you last weekend. And to be completely honest, I’ve wanted nothing more than to kiss you since I saw you that night.” He whispers, still moving in closer as you back up until you’re against the counter. Johnny grabs your waist before hoisting you up to sit on the counter as he moves in between your legs.

“So y/n, what do you say?” he whispers, leaning in closer now. “Can I kiss you?” In that moment your breath hitches as you stare at those beautiful lips of his as they approached yours.

“Yes" you whisper. You had barely gotten the words out before his lips were gently pressed against yours. Johnny pushes himself against you a little harder, wanting you to open your mouth to deepen the kiss. You do so without hesitation. As Johnny slips his tounge into your mouth, you wrap your arms around his neck, trying to be as close to him as possible.

“Jesus Christ Johnny. Get a fucking room” you hear from a disapproving voice. It startles you, and your only reaction is to push Johnny away from you which startles him.

The man turns around, and of course standing there is Yukhei, looking even more unimpressed that you’re the one who was being felt up by Johnny in the kitchen. Yukhei lets out a small sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose. You look between the two men as you slide yourself off the counter, while Johnny looks confused.

“Let’s go" Yukhei says to you, grabbing your wrist to pull you out of the kitchen.

“What? What are you doing?” you ask, tearing your wrist away from his hand.

“I told Mina I would keep an eye on you. And he is not someone you want to be fucking around with" Yukhei says coldly.

“You don’t even like me. So why would you keep an eye on me?” you ask.

“Who said I don’t like you? Maybe I like you too a little too much” he says, whispering in your ear. You can feel your heart beginning to pound.

“What?”

“Just stay away from Johnny” he whispers before walking away. Before you had a chance to catch your breath, Johnny rounds the corner, sliding his hand around your waist.

“Would you like to dance?” he whispers. With a smile, you nod your head. Johnny grabs your hand and pulls you towards the dance floor. He has his hands on your hips as you move your body to the beat of the music. You’re in your own zone before you look around and only see one pair of eyes glaring at you. Yukhei.

You did your best to try and ignore the glares of Yukhei as you and Johnny were dancing. You were trying to enjoy the night but he was making it extremely difficult. The rest of your night, your eyes always seemed to manage to lock with Yukhei’s no matter how hard you tried to not look at him. As the night ended, Johnny asked to see you again. You said yes before giving him your number. Excitedly, you lay in your bed with hope’s of a message from him before you fell asleep. When your phone dinged, a smile spread across your face as you saw it was from an unknown number. It simply said ‘I can’t wait to see you again’. You fell asleep that night, with butterflies in your stomach and a smile on your face.

**

It had been a few months of you and Johnny together, and everything was going perfectly. Except when you were anywhere near the frat house or at school. You had gone all this time without seeing Yukhei anywhere but now he was everywhere. He was always glaring at you and shaking his head disapproving.

One night you and Johnny had gone back to the frat house after a date. You had left your phone in the car, so you told Johnny you would meet him in his room after you grabbed it. You walked into the house, only to be pulled to a dark corner by someone. Of course that someone was Yukhei.

“What the hell are you doing?” he snaps.

“Going to Johnny’s room?” you say confused.

“Why?  I told you to stay away from him.” He growls.

“Why do you care so much? You’re not my boyfriend. I’m just your sisters friend.” You spit back at him.

“You’re going to get hurt" he whispers.

“Just stop Yukhei.” You sigh before leaving him standing by himself. Your mood had immediately gone from happy to sour after being stopped by Yukhei. You were a big girl. Why did he feel the need to butt in with your relationship? Johnny made sure to take extra care of you that night. When you left in the morning, everything that Yukhei had said to you was no longer a thought. As you walked through the frat house your mind was only in one place, and that was thinking about your night with Johnny. The way his hands caressed your body. The way he used to tounge to make you cum multiple times. The way he slowly fucked you. You were finally happy. Finally with someone who was treating you right and making you happy.

**

The next week, school dragged on and on. You ran into Yukhei more than you liked, and he would always smile at you, which was odd. On Monday he ran into you in the café and offered to buy you a coffee.

Tuesday he was outside your last class, holding an iced coffee for you.

Wednesday he had texted you to see if you were doing okay. Mina had given him your number. She told you he asked her and said if she wanted him to keep an eye on you then he needed it. It was all very confusing. Out of no where he became a different man then the one you ran into in the beginning of the year. When you saw him your heart fluttered. When he texted you, you got butterflies in your stomach. When he said your name, all you wanted to do was blush. You couldn’t have feelings for him. You were with Johnny, and Yukhei was still the man who hated you, but maybe just less now. He was only doing these things because Mina asked him too.

There was nothing more too it. On Thursday you had gone over to the frat house, luckily you didn’t see Yukhei on your way in, only Johnny sitting on the couch, watching TV. You sat beside him and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, bringing you in close to cuddle. Not even 10 minutes later, Yukhei strolled into the house, sitting down on the chair. Every few seconds he would turn his head and stare at the two of you, sitting there together. Finally Johnny had enough.

“Dude. What the fuck? Why do you keep looking at us?” he asks, pausing the TV.

“I’m not looking at you" Yukhei says, glancing at you one more time before getting up and leaving the room.

“Is there something going on between the two of you?” Johnny asks, pulling away from you. You pull back too, shocked that he would even suggest something like that. Yukhei barely tolerates you, there’s no way the two of you would be fucking. Although you wouldn’t mind.

“What? No? Why would you even think that?” you ask, clearly upset.

“He’s always around you lately. Always staring at you. Seemed like there was" he says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Wow. Thanks for thinking so fucking highly of me Johnny" you snap getting off the couch.

“Babe. Wait.” He yells, still sitting on the couch. You left the house, and Johnny still remained on the couch. You didn’t see the figure standing in the kitchen window, wishing he could stop you to make it better. By the time Saturday had rolled around, you and Johnny had spoken since your small fight on Thursday. You weren’t going to let that stop you from having some fun, and you figured it would be best to talk to Johnny face to face to work it out.

You and the girls all finished getting ready and go to head out. You were wearing your deep red strapless dress, that just covered your ass. Your hair was tied up in a loose bun and you had on your black pumps. There was no way that Johnny could resist you tonight. There was no hesitation with the three of you arriving at the frat house anymore. You all had been there so often that it was practically like a second home for you. Walking in, your eyes immediately look in the living room for Johnny, where he usually is, but he isn’t tonight. You look in the kitchen, and he is no where to be found. A little worried you walk up to one of Johnny’s friends, Yuta.

“Hey Yuta, have you seen Johnny anywhere?” you ask.

“Yeahhhhhh" he laughs not looking at you. “He’s in his room, but he’s not alone” he half laughs, half hiccups. The moment those words came out of his mouth, your stomach and your heart sank.

“He’s what?” You ask, trying to hold back your tears.

“Not alone" he says again, finally looking up to see who he’s talking too. “Oh shit. Y/N.. I’m..” he begins to say, his face dropping. You rush up the stairs, your heart feels like its going to beat right our of your chest. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t cheat on you. Taking a deep breath, you swing Johnny’s bedroom door open and are met with him on top of some girl.

“Are you fucking serious" you say, your voice cracking. You can no longer hold your tears back, you let them all spill as Johnny scrambles off the girl, trying to put some pants on. Your legs start moving before you even think of doing it. Your tears clouding your vision as you race down the stairs, you can hear Johnny’s voice calling out to you. You didn’t see the man at the bottom of the stairs, until you had already collided with him.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” you hear. Looking up you see the concerned face of Yukhei. Before you can answer, Johnny is at the top of the stairs calling for you. He races down, only to see Yukhei standing with you, his hands holding your crying frame. By now all the music had stopped, everyone focusing on the tension between the three of you.

“What the hell happened?” Yukhei snapped, his hands never leaving you. “It’s none of your damn business Wong. This is between me and my girl" Johnny snaps, coming down the stairs.

“I’m not your fucking girl Johnny. We had a small fight a few days ago and I came to make up with him, but he was too busy sticking his dick in some whore" you spit, the tears gone, now anger just coursed through your body.

“Seriously Johnny?” Yukhei scoffed.

“Stay the fuck out of this" Johnny snaps, looking at Yukhei.

“Baby please. Can we talk about this" he begs, reaching out to grab you. Yukhei tries to move you from in front of him, to behind him, unfortunately Johnny is quicker than he thought and grabs onto your wrist yanking you towards him.

“I’m going to talk this out, with my girl, without your presence Lucas. She isn’t your girlfriend” Johnny yells as you try to fight to get him off of you.

“Let me go Johnny" you cry, struggling to get out of his grip.

“Johnny, I will knock you the fuck out if you don’t get your fucking hands off of her" Yukhei snarls. Johnny stands there staring at Yukhei, he let’s your wrist go, never breaking eye contact with Yukhei.

“There" Johnny says, rolling his eyes. “The only reason we had problems is because of YOU" Johnny yells, pointing at Yukhei.

“You can’t stand that she’s with me and not with YOU" “I’m gunna to do it anyways" Yukhei says before clocking Johnny in the face, knocking him out cold.

“Are you okay?” Yukhei asks you. You’re embarrassed and hurt. He warned you that you would get hurt, but you didn’t listen.

“Is that all you want to say? You don’t want to say told you so?” You asked.

“No I don’t” he said, still looking concerned.

“Just let me go. This is humiliating” you whisper. You look behind you one last time before walking out the front door, and all you see is Yukhei watching you leave.

**

You lay in your bed for a few hours feeling hurt, betrayed and humiliated. Why didn’t you listen when Yukhei had told you to stay away from Johnny? There was no changing it now. You sighed as your phone buzzed for the thousandth time. Looking at it, they’re all from Johnny. Begging you to talk to him, pleading with you and then becoming mean and blaming you for his actions. If you had talked to him after the fight he wouldn’t have done that. You weren’t supposed to be there tonight. You weren’t supposed to find out. All you sent him was a nice fuck you. You opened up a new message, and typed in Yukhei’s name.

[1:04am] You: Thank you.

[1:06am] Yukhei: For what?

[1:07am] You: For standing up for me.

[1:10am] Yukhei: Anytime, Y/N.

You wanted so badly to ask him about what Johnny said. Did he really want you or was Johnny just overly paranoid? You decided to leave it alone, dreaming about literally anything else you could. The next morning you woke up to a text from Johnny, apologizing for his behaviour the night before. He asked you to meet for coffee and as much as you didn’t want to go, you decided to just to hear him out.

**

A few hours later you were sitting at a table with a remorseful looking Johnny with a black eye. The two of you has been sitting there for over 10 minutes without saying a word to eachothers. You were not going to talk first.

“Listen y/n..” he begins. “I’m an asshole. I know that. My behavior last night was unacceptable and I shouldn’t have acted like that" he says with his head down. “You shouldn’t have. I agree" you say. Johnny nods his head.

“Anything else you want to say?” you ask, waiting for an apology for the cheating. Not that it would make anything better but you still wanted to hear it.

“I was hoping you would give me a second chance?” he asked, looking at you hopeful. You couldn’t help but to let out a loud laugh.

“Are you serious?” you asked, still laughing.

“Well yes?” he replies.

“Johnny you CHEATED on me" you partially yell. “There’s no forgiving that" Johnny scoffs.

“Don’t be like that y/n. If you want, I’ll try not to do it again" he says.

“You’ll.. try to not cheat on me.. again? Wow Johnny, thanks so much. A true gentleman you are" you say, rolling your eyes.

“It’s because of him isn’t it?” he asks, looking like he’s just had a revelation.

“Who?” you ask.

“Lucas. It’s because of him.” He says.

“This is nothing to do with Yukhei, Johnny. It has to do with the fact that I don’t tolerate cheaters.” You spit.

“Yeah sure.” He scoffs.

“And even if I did get together with Yukhei, that would be none of your business. I’m sure he would treat me a hell of a lot better than you did" you say, grabbing your things and leaving him sitting there shocked.

On your walk home, you cannot believe the audacity of Johnny. How dare he think that was acceptable in any form? You pull out your phone on your walk home, seeing a text from Yukhei, asking if you were okay and if you needed anything. Your heart began to flutter, but you were still confused on why he was being so nice to you. He always hated you and now he didn’t? Things don’t just change that easily. And after the morning you already had, whatever he answer was couldn’t hurt you too badly.

[11:13am] You: Can we talk?

[11:16am] Yukhei: Sure. Come on over.

After you read that message, you changed your route, making your way to the frat house. Walking in the front door, you immediately see Yukhei in the living room. He stands up when he sees you, telling you to follow him as the two of you make your way to his room. You walk in, looking around his room as he shuts the door. Yukhei sits on the edge of his bed, staring at you, waiting for you to talk.

“So what’s up?” he asks.

“What changed?” You asked. Yukhei looks at you confused.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“You hated me for so long and the last few months have been so different. What changed?” you asked. “I’ve never hated you” he whispers.

“I always have liked you, but you always seemed to not like me so I just went along with it.” He shrugs his shoulders. “When I saw you the first night, I acted cold towards you because it seemed like what I should do. And then the next time I saw you with Johnny and I wanted to bash his face in. Feeling that haven’t felt in a long time cane rushing back. I wanted to protect you and have you be happy but you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“That’s not true. I don’t hate you anymore, Yukhei. You seemed to have changed.” You say. “I would like to be friends"

Yukhei let’s out a loud groan. “I don’t want to be friends, y/n" he says, standing up. He starts walking towards you, until you’re backed against the wall.

“What do you want?” you ask, looking him in the eyes

“I want you.” He whispers.

“You’re Mina’s brother. We can’t do this" you breathe, staring at his plump lips.

“Tell me to stop" he says, leaning closer into you. “Tell me you don’t want this" he says.

“I want this" you say, closing the gap between you two. Yukhei’s hands are at your waist in a second, pulling you closer to him. You wrap your arms around his neck as he deepens the kiss, slipping his tounge into your mouth. As your phone rings, you hear it’s Mina’s ringtone. You break the kiss by pushing Yukhei away, catching your breath before answering.

“Heyyyy Mina" you say, trying to act casual.

“What are you doing?” she laughs.

“I was just hanging out with Yukhei" you say.

“Oh. That’s weird" she giggles. “You better not be fucking my brother" she laughs.

“What? No, I would never do that to you" you say, as nerves float through your body. “I’m just kidding. I’d support you two if you decided to do whatever. Anyways, I was just calling to let you know I’m coming back in a few weeks and I can’t wait to see you!” she yells.

“Oh my god. I’m so excited" you exclaim.

“Okay, I have to go. I’ll call you later. Love you! Bye Lucas" she giggles through the phone. You hang up and put your phone away. You and Yukhei stand there, staring at each other, not saying a word.

“I better go" you say, quickly scurrying from his room. That entire week the two of you didn’t talk. Until Friday, when Yukhei had texted you to invite you to a party that night, as his date. He apologized for being MIA for the week, he had a few papers he needed to reach, and he figured you needed some time to think. You happily accepted the invitation, with the understanding that Johnny was not going to be around. The day dragged on, and you kept yourself as busy as you possibly could until it was finally time for you to get ready. You put on a cute and tight, yes casual dress and a pair of sneakers. You wanted to look good but also keep it casual tonight.

Your friends had dates so tonight you were on your own with the hopes that they might swing by later. Walking into the house you first spot Yukhei, leaning against a door frame, talking to some friends. He was wearing semi tight black Jean’s with a black shirt and a chain. His hair was slicked back and did he ever look good. Yukhei turned his head, spotting you almost immediately with a giant smile. You walked over to him as he wrapped his arms around you, giving you a tight hug.

“I missed you” he whispered.

“I missed you too" you said back. Grabbing your hand, Yukhei lead you to the kitchen, getting you both a drink. A few drinks and some dancing later, you had been feeling extra needy. You could feel Yukhei’s erection as you grinded your ass into him and it made you very wet. He spun you around to face him before planting a small kiss on your lips. When he pulled away, he looked down at your face, noticing a small pout.

“What’s wrong baby?” he asked.

“I need you" you whisper.

“What do you need from me?” He asks.

“I need your cock" you whine. In that moment Yukhei’s eyes went dark, his face serious. He grabbed your hand, leading you out of the living room, up the stairs and into his room where he locked the door. Yukhei walked towards you, licking his lips in anticipation. You had assumed he was going in for a kiss but instead he told you to raise your arms. You do as your asked as Yukhei reaches for the hem of your dress before pulling it over your head. Looking down he notices your lace bra and lack of panties.

“No panties baby? Naughty girl" he groans, reaching his fingers down, sliding them through your soaked pussy. Your knees almost give out in that moment Yukhei pulls away from you and you moan as he walks away from you. Yukhei gets on his bed, laying down.

“Ride my face baby” he says, licking his lips. You strut yourself over to the bed, climbing on before lift your leg over to straddle him, getting comfortable on his face. Yukhei pokes his tounge through his lips, placing it right on your clit. You grab your breasts as you start to move your hips, grinding yourself on his face.

“Fuck" you cry out, your hands moving from your breasts to your hair. You lean your body slightly forward, gripping Yukhei’s hair instead, as his lips now suction around your clit causing you moan even louder.

“You’re going to make me cum" you cry out, Yukhei rotates from using his tounge and his lips as you thrust your hips faster, needing this release.

“Don’t stop. Fuck" you cry out. Your movements slow down as your orgasm hits, tingling through your body, as you cum all over his face. Once you’ve ridden your high out, you get off of his face, laying down on his bed, feeling extremely sensitive. Yukhei looks at you while licking up your juices from his face. He stands up, undressing as quickly as he can before getting back on the bed, hovering over you and leaning down for a kiss. He slides his tounge into your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself on him.

“I’m going to fuck you” he growls after breaking the kiss.

“Please do" you beg, needing to feel him inside you. Yukhei lines himself up with you before slowly pushing his thick, large cock into your pussy. You grip the bed sheets tightly as you try to adjust to his size. He gives you a few seconds to get used to the stretching, never having been with someone as big before.

“Move" you whine.

“Are you sure?“ he asks.

“Please move. Fuck me” you moan. With that Yukhei slowly begins to thrust in and out of you. You’re unable to keep your moans quiet and he picks up the pace eventually ramming himself into you harshly.

“Oh my god, your pussy feels so good baby" he moans, his fingers grip your hips tightly, sure enough to leave bruises.

“You take my cock so well baby" he purrs, moving his hand away from your hip and to in-between your lips, rubbing your clit.

“Fuck. You fill me up so well with your huge cock" you moan as he continues to play with your pussy.

“You going to cum again baby? Clench your tight pussy around my cock?” he growls.

“Yes yes I will" you cry out. Bucking your hips, you allow Yukhei to push his cock in deeper, causing you to slightly roll your eyes to the back of your head.

“Oh god" you cry out, your orgasm quickly approaching.

“Cum for me baby" he says, pounding himself into you. Before you know it, your orgasm hits you, coating your entire body, making your quiver beneath Yukhei.

“That’s a good girl" he grins, fucking you harder, chasing his own high.

‘I’m gonna cum" he whines, thrusting into you one more time before pulling himself out, coating your stomach with his juices. His head is thrown back as he pumps himself with his hand, milking every last drop. Yukhei takes a deep breath before looking at you with a smile. You smile back at him as you take your fingers to scoop up his cum, and put them in your mouth, swallowing everything. Yours eyes don’t leave his the entire time.

“Fuck you’re incredible” he smiles, leaning in for a kiss.

“Should we go get a drink?” he asks. Happily, you nod your head, slipping your dress back on while he gets himself dressed as well. The two of you leave his room, hand in hand as you walk down the stairs to rejoin the party. Upon entering the kitchen, you’re both met with an extremely intoxicated Johnny.

“Fucking slut" he spits, staring at your hand in Yukhei’s.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Yukhei growled, his body almost vibrating with anger.

“I called her a SLUT" Johnny yelled. Yukhei let go of your hand before pushing Johnny, causing him to fall over.

“Don’t be mad because she’s mine now. It should have always been me, anyways. You’re the one who fucked things up with her by being a piece of shit. But I should thank you for that because if you hadn’t, we wouldn’t be together.” Yukhei yells.

“But if you come near MY girl again or say anything negative about her, I will fucking end you" Yukhei threatens before taking your hand again and walking away.

**

It had been a few months since you and Yukhei had finally gotten together. Your visit with Mina went better than expected and she was extremely happy for the two of you, although she asked that PDA between the two of you was kept at a minimum in front of her. She had already started planning your wedding. Johnny apologized after a while, realizing he was in the wrong for everything. Now whenever he saw you two he nodded his head before walking away.

It took a while and few mistakes, but you finally had found the right one.

[mydaydreams]

Glass Walls

Tony Stark

Warning:filthy lemon, ignoring infinity war, oh and alsoi love Pepper Pots so fucking much but tbh i made her a huge bitch in this.

Sum: Pepper is jealous of Tony and y/n's new relationship and y/n knows it. Its clear she wants Tony back. Y/n goes out of her way to make sure Pepper knows that ship has sailed.

*****

I walked up a flight of stairs an overnight bag slung over my shoulder and a pile of file folders in my arms. Tony had left them at my apartment over a week ago and i was only just now returning them. We hadn't been staying at my place much lately so i had finally gone home to get them. Tony did however tell me to pack a bag while I was there so I could come back and stay. I wondered when he would cave and have me move in but the relationship was still fairly new so i didnt want to rush things.

I sighed as i made my way to Tony's office and spotted the annoyingly familiar blonde hair through the glass door. Tony nowhere in sight.

I awkwardly pulled the door open offering her a nod and small smile in 'hello'. She rolled her eyes at me.

"You couldnt have gotten him to work on time?" She asked with a hint of bitch in her voice.

"Im his girlfriend not his alarm clock and I stayed at my place last night im not sure where he is." I said walking behind his desk and slinging my overnight bag over his desk chair and setting the files on his desk. Her eyes widened as she got a look at the files.

"You have had these files this whole time?" She gasped snatching them from the desk. She huffed and paced out of the room not waiting for my sarcastic reply.

Pepper had never liked me. I think it was mostly because I'm much younder than she is. She thinks shes been replaced with a youner module. Acting like i was just like one of Tony's cars or something.

It was clear and had been clear that she wants him back. Lingering looks here inappropriate touch there. It was really starting to piss me off. Plus i knew for a fact she was only in here early so she could hop up on top of Tony's desk and cross her legs while he worked.

I was sure she never did that when they were together. She had only started doing it when i did it.

The little copier. It was starting to get annoyingly childish. It started making me feel childish. Ever since i walked in on her sitting on his desk in front of him while she fixed his tie I have had this desier to out do her.

I sighed and flopped down on the couch in his office.

"Hey doll how'd you sleep?" Tony asked his voice groggy and his eyes blood shot.

I snorted at the nickname. Ever since he made up with his little boyfriend Steve hes really hitting the lingo.

" not as bad as you did it looks like. How many hours did you...?" He lifted his fingers '3'. I frowned and stood up reaching for him. He didnt really sleep well without her.

"Well you have been working none stop lately. Why don't you come back to the room with me and nap for a bit?" I said melting my body into his letting his warmth wrap around me. I took a deep breath of him and reached my arms around his neck.

"Can't, pepper has a list a mile long of shit for today." He said digging his head into my neck. I hummed softly but our moment was cut short.

"Starting now, you're late Tony!" Pepper voiced from the door. I cringed at the sound of her voice and seperated from Tony.

Tony sighed loudly and looked down at me.

"Head to the room and I'll be there in a few hours." He said handing me the nightbag from his chair. I smiled at him and pecked his lips before making my way to the door.

"Dont count on it." Pepper said under her breath but i could totally hear the bitch. I rolled my eyes and stepped out heading to the room and to fucking bed.

Not but 20 minutes later I felt large warm hands run my shirt up my back. Tony gently stroked the skin of tge small of my back with his fingers. I hummed.  "I thought i had to share you today." I said turning my head so i could look at him. "Oh baby you dont have to share me with anyone." He said his voice still groggy from exhaustion. "Oh i love it when you talk to me like that..." I said straining my neck up to kiss him.

He sighed pleasantly into my lips as if he had been waiting all day for this, though we had kissed not but maybe 30 minutes ago. His body fell limp leaning against hers as they kissed. She pulled away from him.

"As much as i love hot sleepy sex Tony, I think you could really use some sleep." I said rolling him onto his back. He sighed heavily and his eyes closed the second I had turned him. I shook my head down at him and smiled.

" i love you so much you stupid sleepy man" I said kissing all over his face for a minute before shimmying down the bed to pull off his pants. He let out a struggeled chuckle as i pulled them down his legs.

" thought you said I should sleep." He said his eyes still closed but a new smirk playing on his lips.

"You are...we are going to sleep but i know for a fact you have had these clothes on for more than 20 hours so I'm gonna get them off of you." I said with a laugh.

"Only if i can get yours off of you." He flirted making me giggle and blush hotly. He leaned up slightly only to flop back down.

" i dont think you have the energy for that iron man." I said pulling the covers up both our legs and sinking into his side. He pouted

" at least take your top off for me? You know i cant sleep if i dont get atleast one peak at the girls" he said referring to my 'rockin tits' tony calls them.

" here i thought you just needed to be graced by my presence to have a good slumber." I said laying back. He turned over onto his stomach and leaned up on his elbows to look me in the eye.

" nope, its always been those rockin tits doll!" He said using one hand to catch the seem at the bottom of my shirt.

" just a peak." He lied as he pulled the shirt completely off and threw it on the ground. I laughed loudly as he began motorboating the my girls. I let out a happy girlish giggle/scream as he had his fun.

" Tony Starrrk!!!" I Scolded swatting at his sides as he took tight grips of each of my beasts and smushed them against his cheeks.

" never had a girl with tits as perfect as yours. Never had a girl with such a banggin body" he said as he starting kissing.  This made me laugh he never talked like this. And i know he uses the work rockin offten while describing my body but i havr never heard the word banggin before.

" no i know your sleep happy." I said kissing his lips and making him lay down flat with my head on his chest.

"No sex?" He asked still in his sleep deprived state.

" the faster you fall asleep the faster i wake you up with my lips wrapped around your Co..." I didnt get to finish the sentence before i heard him snoring. I laughed a little thinking he was making a joke but when i looked up to kiss him he was actually forreal dead ass asleep. I just smiled and pecked his lips.

It had maybe been 3 hours when the shrill voice woke me.

"Tony it is well past 2 pm, you have missed 2 meetings and i have the board of directors on the phone waiting for your approval on...." She stopped talking wjen she saw me sitting up in his bed topless my gaping breast practically waving at her. I screamed and flopped back down on the bed pulling the covers over me. My reality brain finally catching up with my sleepy brain. What the fuck is she doing with a fucking key?

"Pepper what the hell are you doing in here?" Tony asked harshly as I hid under the covers into his side.

" what the hell am i doing? What the he'll are you doing? Fucking the staff in your place of work during office hours." She said raising her voice. I pocked my head out.

What the actual fuck? And who the actual fuck does she think she is.

First of....why the fuck does she have a key, why the fuck does she think its okay to just barge in to her bosses quarters while he's trying to sleep. And most importantly why the fuck does she have a key? Has she had it this whole fucking time? Had she never givin it back to tony when they split almost 2 years ago.

The shocked look that was plastered on iron mans face was a face only pepper fucking pots could bring out of him.

"Pepper what the fuck are you doing?" He said repeating himself unable to even comprehend her shots at him about fucking y/n while in his own fucking home. 

"Tony, you and i have work to do but instead of maning up and doing your job you come back up to your little fuck toy. This is starting to get rediculos Tony! Your slacking at work, falling asleep on the job and not to mention...." She took a long dramatic pause before turning to me for a short second. "Your Little fuck toys should not be handling classified work files much less letting them take the files home with them to screw up." She finished sticking her bony little finger out to point at me.

"You know those files were missing for 2 weeks. We had a team searching for those documents Tony." She bitched as tony just looked at her like she was the insane.

"Pepper what the fuck?" He asked again rubbing his eyes.

"Peper what the fuck pepper what the Fuck... Stop pepper what the fucking me. You know what im talking about. Your new relationship with her has interrupted your work for the last time tony this is completely unprofessional and insanely inappropriate." She said her hands on her hips and her foot tapping on the ground over and over in frustration.

I wanted to just grab Tony's blaster gun and just shoot her. Who the fuck does she think she is?

" Pepper, y/n is not a fuck toy! Shes my girlfriend. The next time you refer to her you will call her "Tony's girlfriend" or you will call her by her fucking name. And if you really think my job performance is suffering, check what the fuck i was doing all night that left me this sleep deprived and exhausted. Was in my lab all fucking nigjt working on some tech for bruce and you would fucking know that if you went to the debriefing this morning instead of trying to beat my girlfriend to my office just to fucking bug her. You think y/n's and i's relationship is Inappropriate? You are the one that just broke into your bosses home and bedrrom just to tell him to get up for work. News flash pep just cuz i made you CEO dose not mean you are the fucking boss. Get the fuck out of y/n and i's room I'll be in work when im good and fucking ready!" He yelled his voice harsh and rough. His tone made me flinch but the fact that the tone of voice isnt directed at me made me smirk.

Pepper's mouth hung open her face was red from what i can only assume is embarrassment. She finally caught herself after about 45 seconds of complete and uter silence and she turned and walked towards the door.

" and Pepper i dont know where the fuck you got the key to our room but you can leave it at the house keeping counter. Im instructing friday to never let you back into this room under any circumstances ms.pots. and your on thin fucking ice pots, walking in on my girlfriend naked and i trying to sleep. You are lucky you didnt just lose your job. Leave!" He said sternly his face hot with anger and his hands gripping hard against the sheets.

Once pepper finally left Tony's room he turned to look down at me.

"Darling I am so sorry. I didnt kniw she could get in here. Im so sorry she saw your..." He didnt finish i just shook my head. After all its not the first chick to see my tits and its not like she dosent have the same parts....well my parts may be a bit bigger and better than hers but that nore here nore there.

" its fine baby its just fine. You dont have to apologize for anything after what you just did." I said scooting closer to him from where they had sepreated in the dramatic moment.

I couldnt believe he had said all of that. Tony and i have been together for over a year but with his ex still working right under him it has been a bit of a struggle. Tony had always been good at standing up for others especially his girl. And pepper had been pushing it for weeks. He thinks he knows why pepper is only just know acting out about their relationship. She finally gets that its becoming serious. After just one year his relationship with y/n was stronger, better, and, more serious than tony and peppers ever were. And tony and pepper had multiple years together under their belts yet after just one year of being with some yoinger ethnic girl tony wants to take her to see the world and their planing trips and sending out fucking christmas cards. It had made Pepper's blood boil so she would continue to try and undermine anything y/n was trying to do in front of tony. Every time she would try and make a cute joke or tell a funny story pepper would try and ruin it or just interrupt y/n in the middle of her stories to start on of her own that no one wanted her to begin.

The other avengers caught on to this quickly too. After meeting me, one by one they all had their own issues and opinions on tonys new gf. Of course thats a given they were all so close and then i come in all new and young and not knowing anything. After a while everyone was eventually okay with my existence all but pepper of course. When they would interrupt most of the team would end up finding their way back to me to find out the rest of my stories. They could all tell Pepper had issues and wasnt over tony she wasnt exactly being suddle but...tony tony just completely shut her the fuck down. And plus that...he called it our room not just his. Then he called her ms.pots instead of pepper in the end completely changing their friendship status to im not even gonna call you by your first name status. And that had to be worse than just a basic acquaintance.

Our room, I cant believe it.

" inappropriate! We're inappropriate? Please. I'll show her inappropriate!" He said making laugh

" its okay babe."I said reasuring him that im totally fine.

" no its not. Plus she ruined my nap time wake up blow job. If she wants to see inappropriate I'll take you to my office right now and fuck you in front of the team, the staff,god and everybody. I swear Thor will be able to hear your screams from fucking asgard." He teased but i took 100% serious.

I coughed nervously before saying " i mean...id be down for that." Tonys mouth grew into a wide smile before he rushed into action.

By now the regular staff of employees have already gone for the day and just the people who live in building and pepper are left. Pepper's desk is diagonal from his and smaller in space but it still shows that it is a person of authority.

Tony and I had been chatting in his office for a minute. Each of them stealing glances over at Pepper where she had her head stuck in some case files. For a second i thought maybe Tony was totally joking and we weren't about to fuck on his office desk and in a way i was right...he didnt fuck me on the desk.

He Sat and spinned on his chair for a minute before beckoning me to come and sit on his lap. He did this dangerously sexy thing where he spun in his chair and stopped to make eye contact then he would look down at his lap making my eyes follow his. His arms out on his legs. His hands pat his meaty thighs just begging me to take a seat on my thrown. It made me gulp

Shit we really were bouta do this?

He grabbed my hand as I got nearer to him. He looked up at me for a minute just staring into my eyes. It gave me a chance to really look at him. His eyes were no longer blood shot and his pale skin had finally changed back to its regular tan. He looked well rested, happy, content.

He let his other hand fall off his legs to reach out for mine. His finger tips traced up my thigh and under the skirt. He gace me a devilish look before his eyes slightly flicked to ms.pots desk. He smirked again as he saw she was in fact watching his every move. He let his hand grip onto my thigh to lift it up in the air and over his lap. This quick movement starteled me, i grabbed a hold of his shoulder for leverage as he yanked my other leg up and onto him as well so he had me successfully straddlling his waist.

He hummed into my chest for a minute before kissing his way up my neck. My body instantly relaxed against him as he started up his trail to my lips. He hadnt had sex in what...40 hours. 50? God it was like a life time.

His hands struggling to grade and massage at everything he could get a hold of. He almost regreted making her put clothes back on and leave the bedroom in the first place. He alreay had her in nothing but a thong on his bed. But of course he had to follow his public place kink....but hey...im not complaining.

My peripherals caught site of Peper crumpling up pieces of paper on her desk. They were actually making her scwerm. Good the bitch deserves it.

And with that thought, i pulled my top off slowly making sure to thro the shirt into the glass whwre peper was looking in from where she sat at her desk. Tonys windows were fairly tented higher than any other office in the building so they werent 100% visible but if you squint it's not hard to see.

I pressed my tits into Tony's face for the second time that day and he let out an almost childlike laugh causing me to blush hard. Tony pulled his shirt over his head finally letting my hands run down his firm chest. I leaned down to kiss at all this new skin he was showing. 

His hands moved to hike my leg up and over one of the arm rests of the chair so he could get his hand under me.

"Mmm look how wet you are." He moaned his eyes closing as his fingers spread my lips open for a second before dipping his pointer into my juices only to slush it around. My body was already twitching And ready for him to touch.

" so smooth, you're so perfect for me baby" he said slipping two fingers into me. I gasped out and wrapped my arms around his neck and took a tight grip on his hair. His beefy fingers plunged into me, stretching me out and making me hot.

"Tony" I whined at him trying to buck my hips into his hand. He chuckeled at me as his fingers slowly started moving in and out of me. I grinded up agaisnt his palm as his fingers curlled and hit the not inside me.

I threw my head back as his handsl moved faster his fingers hitting the right spot over and over.

" Fuck fuck Tony" I moaned trying to hump down on him. His other hand snaked up to pinch my clit ever so lightly and he knew he had me. My walls qlenched around his fingers and he continued to curl them up into me making me moan loudly each time.

"Your gonna cum y/n. Then I'm going to make you sink down on top of me. You're wrap that tight pussy around my cock and I'm gonna fuck you up against this glass wall. How does that sound baby?" He asked looking up at me. My mouth hung wide open as his words and i could feel my slick dripping from me and into his waiting hands.

"Mhmmm yes. Please Sir Yes!" I said my voice high pitched. He groaned loudly before i felt his hand withdraw and move to shove his pants down his legs and off. I took that chance to free him from him boxers and stroke up his length. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment only to grip both of my hips.

I knew he was ready so i lined him up and he all but shoved me down. He filled me quickly making me scream his name but only for a moment before he already had them moving.

The tight grip he had on her thighs left her room for no control over her own hips. They were going at his pace and it was agonizingly slow but felt to amazing to tell him to move faster.

"God your so fucking tight around me." He moaned his head falling off the back of the chair. His eyes rolling back a bit. I took that chance to start pushing down on him a little faster. The tip of his dick finally deep enough to bump my cervix. God his dick is so long...thick....ughh how can i have it inside me and want it in my mouth all at the same time.

"Fuck you feel so good!"he said his eyes opening to watch my breasts bounce up and down for him. He humps up inside my making me gasp out a loud throaty moan. I moved my hips harder to grind into him. That move obly made me twitch hard and cum all over his lap and down his dick. My body shook above him in a hot orgasm but Tony wouldnt stop. Bucked up into me fucking me upward making all my cum and slick splash down on his thighs. The grip i had on his hair tightened as he pumped is load deep into me. He let out a loud moan of my name before letting my body fall slack against him almost locking his cum in place inside me.

We sat there for a minute trying to catch our breath. Pepper completely forgotten. I thought maybe he was bluffing earlier and we were done fucking in his office for fun but after aminute he starts nibbling my ear lobe before saying

"Stand up and put both your hands on the glass."

My eyes shot open to look at him. Was he serious? The only thing pepper could really see right now was my bare back and i thought that may be enough but tony Bucky his hips not just penetrating but pushing me up too.

I hoped off of him and turned away from him. Doing as he told, I raised my hands up and leaned against the glass.

Tony was sex laughing joyfully as he stood up behind me. He kicked my ankles apart and ran his hands down my back.

"Sometimes i wish i would have fucked you like this in the tower. That way everyone in the city would see iron man fucking whats his."

His breath tickeled my neck as he spoke. It made me shiver as his chest pressed agaisnt my back. His hands slid up my sides and around my front to squeeze my breasts.

" still cant believe these are real"

He whispered as he started kissing from my ear to my shoulder.

"Tony please!" I said begging unable to take any more of his torture.

" you know what i want to here." He said his hand moving down to my sex. He gently slapped my sex making me gasp and flinch.

"Please fuck me with your Iron, Iron Man!" I bagged turning my head to look at him and biting my lip. He took that moment to push my body fully against the glass. My body shivering from the cold of the glass against my skin.

He kissed my lips before pushing inside me. My head fell back against his chest and I let out a loud moan of his name.

He hummed from behind me as his hips thunked into my back side.

The sound of our sweaty hot skin slapping together echoed through the rooms the only other sound were my erratic breaths and moans.

His pace quickened sending tingeles through my body as he rocked me into the glass.

" fuck fuck yes Fuck!" He had me chanting as his poundings god harder, my moaned getting louder. I reached up on the glass trying to grab fro someyhing only to just hit my fists against hit twice as my walls clinched around him.

" Tonnnn...yyy" i screached as my cum gushed around him.

" fuck y/n, I'm gonna cum." He said lifting his hand up to grabe my face so i was looking at him again. He kissed me and Basically sucked my tongue into his mouth making it wrestle with his as his cum spread throughout my insides. He bit down on my lip before pulling away to look at me.

" that may have been the hottest thing we ever done." He said after catching his breath. He pulled out of me but kept me in his arms. He stept backward 2 steps and all but fell into his desk chair with me on his lap. He sighed and leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. I smiled down at him and kissed at the hairs on his chest where my head laid.

" not even the time in the elevator?" I asked playfully. He smirked but didnt open his eyes.

"Nope."

" or the time in loki's old cell."

"Nope."

"Not even the time when..." He stopped me finally looking at me.

"Maybe the time in asgard on thor's thrown." He said making me laugh.

"I still cant believe he dosent know. I mean its not like we cleaned up after." I said giggling. Tony laughed loudly for a moment his eyes sparkeling.

" I thought you said you had." My mouth dropped open at his words. I bit my lip in an almost funny embarrassment feeling.

"Oh... Well i mean you hadnt asked me to." I said only making him laugh harder and longer. He wiped his eyes in his hysterics and slapped at the knee i wasnt propped up on.

After a few minutes of loving, naked, silence he looked down at me his happy face was now replaced with a look of guilt.

"I'm really sorry about Pepp...oh shit.." He started before landing on her nam and remembering why they were in his office in the first place. Both his and my heads snapped to look at peppers desk. She was in fact no where to be seen. I started blushing hard before making eye contact with Tony again. He bit on his lip trying to hold back a smile. I broke first but we both burst out in loud huffs of laughter. His chest shaking hard. My head fell down on his chest as I shook my head in disbelief.

"We really did that." I said he laughed again.

"We really really did that." He said pulling my hair back to expose my neck to kiss me.

" and im about ready to do it again." I said moaning. He matched my pitch with a groan.

" God I love you!" He said I kissed him hotly and nibbled at his facial hair.

"Tony." I said softly

"I love you too!"

[jawnjendes]

don’t want your hand this time | shawn mendes

chapter 1/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: i know i know i posted a thing yesterday but UUUHHHHH im just tryna get to the saucy parts of this bc SOMEBODY decided to be all hot n sexy in a certain music video ANYWAY this is just an intro chapter of sorts and we are introducing some new characters!! lmk your thoughts thots!

***let me know if u wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist coming soon

When Annalise Flores has shit to do within a time limit, she forgets about everything else. Her phone goes on silent, she ignores her other obligations, and she makes sure to get whatever is in her focus done. This has proven to be disastrous in the past, like when Annalise just needed to clean the entire dorm before starting any homework assignment was due the next day. Or when she reorganized the filing closet at the dealership before adding up the gas receipts she was ordered to do. You get the idea.

Annalise was very determined to get all of her unopened boxes, and her clothes to fit in her tiny, beat up car so she didn't have to make multiple trips, given how far campus is from Shawn's apartment. He promised he would help her move when he got home, he had that huge Jeep after all, but Annalise was way too antsy. Besides, they already fought about this, and she didn't want to start anything all over again. She didn't want him to feel obligated to help if only one of them was into the idea of her moving out.

After pushing on the car door three times, it finally clicked shut. Annalise successfully managed to stuff all of her clothes and half her boxes into the backseat. The rest of the boxes were in the trunk. The windows were all covered, so maybe she wouldn't be able to see her blind spots, but at least Annalise wouldn't have to make a second trip. She silently thanked the Tetris gods for blessing her with the appropriate skills as she went back up to the apartment.

Shawn's living space didn't look that different with all of Annalise's belongings out. Most of it was all stashed into the "recording" room over the summer, and neither of them spent any time in there. There was more space in the closet now, too. It was no longer just a black abyss, and all of Shawn's belongings were now undisturbed. Annalise debated smuggling out his black Nike hoodie, but given the circumstances it was best to leave everything as it was. The apartment didn't look any different really, but Annalise still felt an ache from her throat down to the bottom of her feet as she removed the spare key from her chain and left it on the glass dining table. This was easier than saying goodbye to him in person.

~

Campus was nowhere near as quiet and lonely as the apartment. Students were running around like headless chickens, trying to locate buildings, schedules, and friends. She already had a key to her dorm, so she parked near her building and carried her backpack and two boxes up the walkway. Annalise's resting bitch face and the clunk of her boots on the ground gave her less of a struggle to push past other students. Weak and fragile as she was these last couple of months, she's still got it.

The dorm building wasn't too far from the last one she lived in, but it was going to be a bitch getting to her classes. Maybe she should invest in a bike… or she should get her shit together and take the bus.

Annalise's new dorm was on the third floor, and it was furnished. Weird, yes, but she was not going to complain. It was a bit smaller, but not cramped. There was a tiny hallway between the two bedrooms, and one cramped bathroom. She noticed one room already had boxes sitting on the floor, and she couldn't help but get just a little excited. Stella hadn't completely abandoned her. Annalise wasn't even mad about their three month long silence, she was just happy that she would be seeing a familiar face.

She didn't run into Stella at all during the multiple trips she took bringing all her stuff in. Annalise knew she was here, though. Her perfume scent was always left behind in any room she had been in, and Annalise definitely caught the scent in the dorm. The same amount of boxes were still in her room by the time Annalise finished bringing all of her's in. She figured she could have texted Stella, but she kind of wanted to surprise her… even though they both knew about the other.

She checked her phone anyway. The only text she had was from Shawn.

"How come you didn't wait for me?"

Pursing her lips and smudging the signature black lipstick, Annalise cleared the notification and went to sit in the armchair in the living room. She was way too tired to try to reason with him. She certainly couldn’t jump into the "I miss you" crap so quickly either. She didn't want to, but Shawn obviously did when he sent another text. Out of sheer habit, Annalise opened the notification instead of clearing it, and she cursed under her breath.

"You've been gone only a few hours and this place already feels so sad and empty. Why did you leave your key?"

Yeah, she left him on read. She didn't know what else to say to him.

Thankfully, the lock on the door jiggled and in came Stella carrying a large cardboard box. She gasped and her hazel eyes lit up when she saw her dark natured roommate. She quickly squatted down and set the box on the floor before coming at Annalise with open arms.

"Mi esposa hermosa!"

Annalise will never say this out loud, but Stella gives wonderful hugs. They two girls haven't seen each other in over three months, so getting a nice tight hug was something that was really needed. They rocked from side to side, giggling at the motions. It was like nothing had really changed.

"When did I become your wife?" Annalise asked, amused as she leaned back to look at her.

"When we decided to live together for the third year in a row!" Stella replied. “Oh you got a little…” Her thumb rubbed under Annalise’s lip, showing her the black.

“The struggles of being goth,” she joked.

Stella giggled, and then the rambling began. "How are you? I'm so sorry we didn't talk much over the summer. Did you stay with Shawn the whole summer? Oh, is he here?" She bounced on her feet, looking around the dorm.

"Uh yeah, I did stay with him the entire time," she told her. "And no, he's not here. He's working."

Annalise knew he wasn't. He had found her abandoned key, which meant he was home. And he was probably sulking. And he was going to sleep alone...

"But he'll be here later, right?" Stella asked, nudging her arm. "Y'all are gonna christen your room, eh?"

She really had to ask, didn't she? She really had to jokingly ask a question that would change the expression on Annalise's face, thus warning her of the things that had happened. She wasn't sure why she kept an obviously fake smile on her face as she silently stared at her roommate. The silence alone wasn't enough, apparently.

Normally, Stella would dramatically gasp, sit her down, and ask Annalise to spill every detail. Instead, she sighed.

"Fill me in while you help me bring my stuff up."

~

Classes and club meetings resumed within the next couple of days, so it gave Annalise plenty of excuses to keep her texts to Shawn dismissive and short. She knew he was coming and going from campus for class too, but due to their different majors, he was going to be very far away from her. Not to mention, he didn't know where her new dorm was located, so it wasn't like he could track her down.

Except… Annalise had to retake biology. She knew Shawn was at the science building quite often, and she had hoped her bio lab fell on a day that he was at the fine arts building. But you know, life just happens, and sometimes you see your mans between classes. Sometimes you just see him leaving classroom, towering over the other students because he’s a giant. Maybe you’ll see him with a very short girl at his side, and they’re both laughing at something. Maybe he won’t see you either because he’s balls deep in banter with this random girl.

There was a lump in Annalise’s stomach following that minor event, and it made her anxious and uneasy for the first day of that class. Still, she was determined to stay on board with the separation they both agreed on. It was better that way for now. She didn't know about Shawn, but Annalise fully intended on keeping the distance, suspicious-looking friends be damned.

Anyway, she could find friends of her own too. Gaming club meetings started up again that Friday, and it was something to look forward to. After god knows how long, Annalise attended said meeting after receiving an email from the head of the club, Josh. He and his friend, Paul, ran the club most of the time. They managed to get plenty of people to sign up during the rush earlier in the week but only seven of them actually attended the first meeting. Just like every year.

Both Josh and Paul were scrawny blond boys with "nice guy" complexes. They were polite for the most part, given that they inducted Annalise into the club the moment she signed up. But they also quizzed her on just about every popular, mainstream video game there was once they realized she would actually be showing up to the meetings. It took time, and a bit of Annalise telling them off, but they were civil towards each other now.

"Annalise!" called Chad as the lady herself entered the classroom in the communications building. He was another member, and he had his two frat bros with him, Kyle and Jared, and they both chanted her name in their deep, manly voices.

All different heights, but same amount of insane muscle. For lack of better words, these guys were meatheads with good intentions. Chad was a student with one of the highest GPA on campus, practically competing with Josh. Kyle was the star student in his major, sports medicine. Jared was that guy who beat up bigots as a hobby. All three of them were fully dedicated to their fraternity, Sigma Chi.

Then there was Patrick, who nodded to Annalise as a greeting. She nodded back and took the empty seat next to him in the circle.

The people who think Annalise Flores is a complete hardcore goth have not met Patrick Markowski. This was a guy who was always decked out in leather, ripped jeans, and black eyeliner. He had a proper faux hawk, which is what made people notice him the most. He typically surrounded himself with other goths, unlike Annalise. He was truly dedicated to the lifestyle, while she deviated from even that sometimes. This was the only guy in the club Annalise was actually friends with.

Anyway, all seven of these nerds shared the same appreciation for video games, which brought them all together in a circle, in an empty classroom, in the communications building this evening. However, Annalise's entrance caused the guys to deviate from the main topic.

Josh and Paul had been staring at her with their mouths open the second she entered the room. The Frats were visibly excited and each gave her a high five. Patrick merely stayed quiet and smiled.

"Heard you almost fucking died!" Chad told her. "And you didn't tell a single one of us!"

"I thought you had actually died," Josh spoke up. "Since you never miss a meeting and all."

So that got around. Cool.

“I wasn’t dying,” Annalise said, rolling her eyes. “I just had part of my colon surgically removed.”

“No way…” Jared said in wonder.

“Oh, that’s disgusting,” said Paul with a gag. He brought the collar of his red Pizza Planet shirt over his mouth.

The Frats stared at Annalise in awe, almost impressed by her vague explanation. She really didn’t understand the fascination, given everything that happened during and after the hospital. Of course, they knew nothing about any of that. At the same time, Annalise was annoyed at Paul’s dramatic reaction, so she kept talking.

“It might happen to you too if you don’t take care of yourself and listen to your body,” she told him. “Or worse, you could end up with a bag of your poop attached to your belly.”

Paul gagged again, much louder this time. Then Annalise decided that that was enough and directed the conversation to the club’s main topic: video games.

“So who’s played Team Sonic Racing?”

It was only the first meeting, so the group made a plan to bring their Switches and play next time. The Nice Guys prompted to play a round of Fortnite online later, but Annalise was not up for that game in the slightest. Too mainstream. Too chaotic. She never could get into it.

“Well, we can play without you,” Paul suggested, “not everyone has to join in.”

“Isn’t that a rule, though?” Patrick asked pointedly. “If we’re gonna play something together, we all have to agree on one game. Besides, I don’t play Fortnite either.”

Paul's eyes darted around, trying to look for a counterargument, but he sighed. “Fine. Anyone else got any suggestions?”

“What about a D&D campaign?” Annalise said. “Or some type of board game?”

Josh scoffed. “It’s video game club. Besides, me and Paul already have a campaign with our other friends.”

“‘Course you do,” she mumbled, folding her arms.

“Ooo! I got an idea!” Kyle spoke up, raising his massive hand. “We should hit up Bart. That bar with the art and retro games?”

Annalise perked up. Finally, someone with a brain cell. “I participated in a Smash Bros tournament there. It’s really fun, we should all go one weekend.”

“A bar?” Josh said in distaste.

“Yeah! It’ll be a class field trip or something!” Chad agreed. “It’s awesome, bro! They got a Gamecube and an N64! Sometimes they do karaoke night, but only with songs from different games!”

Then, Kyle looked at Annalise with a smirk. “Bet your boyfriend would perform there, eh?”

Even when she was far away from him, Shawn still had a presence wherever she went. “Heh, maybe…”

Luckily, none of these guys were the type to hover. The subject went back to going to Bart one weekend, and then the group chat was revived to discuss further adventures. Once the meeting was adjourned, Patrick followed me out the door.

“So, Annie. No offense or anything,” he said, walking in step beside her as they walked down the corridor, “but what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“My summer was great, thanks,” Annalise said, too busy glancing at her phone to cringe at that awful nickname. No new messages for once.

“Nah, seriously. You were in the fucking hospital, and I find out through Snapchat?” he asked seriously. “Did you even tell anybody? What the hell happened?”

She didn’t remember posting anything about her hospital stay anywhere on social media. However, the only two people who were there with her were social media freaks. Stella was the type to tweet every single one of her brain farts, and frequently Snap where she was every second. Shawn was less active on his platforms, but he was still quite popular in the Toronto area, so he had a sizeable following. Annalise knew he took a picture of his hand holding hers while she was in the hospital at least once. Maybe it made it to his Instagram story a couple of times.

Sighing, Annalise gave Patrick the gist of her exciting adventure with her large intestine. Some underlying guilt wanted to be felt as she recalled staying and Shawn’s for so long, but she decided to spare those details.

“Looked death in the face, eh?” he said, nodding in what looked like approval. “Badass.”

She chuckled. “Guess I wasn’t ready to be yeeted off this mortal coil.”

“Ugh, you use the word yeet? How much has that guy changed you?” Patrick stuck his tongue out at her, flashing the piercing he had on the muscle.

“Hey, I’m more down with the kids than he is.”

The pair were quiet as they made it out to the courtyard. The night was chilly and cloudy, the only light coming from the lampposts on either side of the walkway. It felt different knowing Annalise was with only a friend rather than her mans, and she tried to ignore the ache in her chest and the urge to talk about him.

“Do you remember what it was like?” Patrick asked after a minute. “Being so close to death?”

“Nope,” she replied simply. “Although, when I was under, I had a really vivid dream that my… uh, Shawn cheated on me.” Way to not talk about him.

“You sure it was a dream?”

They were passing by one of the picnic tables, where Patrick pointed to. There was a group of people standing around the table, and two people sitting on top of it. One of those people was Shawn with his acoustic guitar. He was singing with the girl who was sitting next to him, the same one he was walking with at the science building. It wouldn’t have seemed weird if Patrick hadn’t said what he said. It would have been left alone if Annalise hadn’t thought about that stupid fever dream.

“Come on,” she said to Patrick as she stalked off towards the group.

“I was joking!” he said with a laugh.

Still, Annalise walked with a purpose and he followed her. She clutched the strap of her shoulder bag and kept her chin up as she made herself apart of the tiny audience. It was quite the sight, two nerds decked out in all black and heavy eyeliner amongst a group of normals watching two other normals sing a pop song. No lie, Annalise just wanted to get a look at this girl she had never seen before.

Olive skin. Black, curly hair. Very short next to her guy. Very pretty voice coming out of very pretty lips. She looked at Shawn and he looked back at her as they sang an eerily familiar song. Musically speaking, they seemed good together.

“I’ll leave you with the memory, and the aftertaste…”

The tiny audience clapped. Patrick was nodding in pleasant surprise, probably having never heard Shawn’s songs before. Annalise applauded as well, but she couldn’t help the narrowing of her eyes as she watched Shawn and this girl high five each other.

They were both comfortable with all the attention, it was easy to see. Shawn was beaming in a way that hadn’t been seen in a long time, and then he laid eyes on Annalise. He still had that smile on his face, even though it faltered a little bit. She kept her face neutral and quirked her eyebrows at him as a silent greeting.

“Should I leave you guys alone?” asked Patrick as he and Annalise watched Shawn get down from the table top.

“No,” she replied simply.

She almost regretted having him stay. He had to witness Shawn and Annalise attempt to figure out how to greet each other. A side hug would have been awkward for reasons not only having to do with the guitar strapped to his shoulder. She definitely couldn’t kiss him, because that would have started something she had been trying to distance herself from. They finally settled for a mildly uncomfortable handshake, and Shawn kept holding her hand as he spoke.

It had been almost a week since Ann moved out, and she only sent him one text in that time span. It was the black heart emoji. Better than nothing, but not better than seeing her in person.

“You haven’t answered my texts,” Shawn told her. If she was going to decide when she'll give him attention, then he wasn't going to beat around the bush when he saw her.

“I’ve been busy,” Ann replied, feebly attempting to shake her hand away.

Shawn nodded, but he wasn't thoroughly convinced. Between work and school, Ann was a hermit. Or so he thought, given that she now had this new goth dude at her side. “So, who’s your friend?”

“Who’s yours?” she quickly said back.

“I’m Patrick!” said Patrick, holding out his hand. “Annie and I go way back!”

Shawn let go of her hand to shake his. “Nice to meet you, brother. Wait… Annie?” He chuckled.

Her cheeks heated up, and she decided to move her eyes somewhere else, specifically on Shawn’s unnamed singing partner. She was chatting with some of the other people still around the table. Annalise noticed she talked with her hands a lot.

“She lets me call her that even though she hates it,” Patrick said, snapping her back into the moment. “Right, Annie?”

“Do not,” she warned. Then she looked at Shawn. “So who’s the chick you’re singing with?”

Shawn took in an almost reluctant deep breath as he turned and called the girl over. If there was anything he had yet to discover, it had to be if his girl was the jealous type.

Annalise's dark brown eyes narrowed once again while he wasn’t looking. Call it anxiety or paranoia, but she was oddly suspicious. Patrick caught the glare though, and he nudged her arm to snap her out of it.

“Ann, Patrick, this is Alessia,” Shawn said when the very short girl joined them. “She’s a first year. Alessia, this is my…” He elongated the vowel. “Annalise. And her friend Patrick.”

Okay, so… a sinking feeling in the tummy. That’s what that felt like. Couldn’t be mad, though. Annalise wasn’t so quick to use the boyfriend word these days.

“You’re Annalise!” Alessia said in pleasant surprise. She did not hesitate to hug her, arms going around her shoulders and practically pulling her down to her level. “It’s so nice to meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

Honestly, Annalise was just glad she didn’t call her the goth girlfriend. Or the goth anything, for that matter. She didn’t hug Patrick, though, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“So, how did you two meet?” Annalise prompted. So maybe she was a little more than curious to know how and when Shawn found the time to get another girl at his side.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Shawn replied a little too quickly.

His eyes bored into hers, throwing them into a staredown. He broke through the fake, polite smile Ann had on. Of course he broke it. He was the only one who could. However, Shawn couldn't read the expression she had on. He couldn't tell if she was upset or not, happy or not… He couldn't tell if she wanted to change her mind about this separation or not… Ten months together and Ann was still a mystery.

“Uh, Shawn and I have like, every class together,” Alessia said slowly, looking between the couple, noticing the sudden change in atmosphere. She scratched the back of her head.

“Annie and I have been in the same club for two years,” Patrick added in the same tone. He too noticed the tension.

“Oh, which club? There’s some I’ve been checking out…”

Those two kept up the conversation. Shawn’s gaze on Annalise made her throat close up. He wasn’t smiling or feigning politeness anymore. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard and glossed over. Inexplicable guilt began to form in her chest yet again. She knew he didn’t understand.

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @poppyshawn @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @yourdelightfullyleft @shawmndes @havethetimeeofyourlifee @calyumthomas

[bastardnev]

That Guy Next Door -- Ch. 14

MORNIN LADS we’ve only got a few more chapters left to go and im getting Emo

tagging: @tylerblacks @joonhobi @rivela @aliciasfox @sailor-slam-dunk @kidvoodoo @smolsammichu @simulated-heat @douglas-leon-michael @1dluver13xx -- and, just for this chapter since it’s got Her Boy in it, im gonna tag @cruisingforcruiserweights :3c (lemme know if you wanna be added to my tag list!!)

Prev.: Ch. 1 ♡ Ch. 2 ♡ Ch. 3 ♡ Ch. 4 ♡ Ch. 5 ♡ Ch. 6 ♡ Ch. 7 ♡ Ch. 8 ♡ Ch. 9 ♡ Ch. 10 ♡ Ch. 11 ♡ Ch. 12 ♡ Ch. 13 ♡

As Neville had learned over the years, the annual family vacation was always a chore, mainly because no one could ever agree on where they wanted to go. Jen wanted to go to Paris (“You got money to buy plane tickets?”), Daisy wanted a road trip across the country (“Only if you promise not to ask ‘Are we there yet?’ every ten seconds.”), and Wade mostly just wanted to stay home and sleep (“And you get annoyed when I call you Wade ‘Lazyass’ Barrett.”)

This year, however, Wade was singing a very different tune with regards to how he planned on spending the summer.

“So you’re telling me that Austin has this cabin?” Neville asked one night as the two of them relaxed in Wade’s basement apartment, taking a slow sip of his drink. “Somewhere in the mountains?”

“That’s what he told me. Apparently it used to be his grandparents’ or something.” Wade was switching from channel to channel, eventually settling on some random paranormal show. Neville tried not to look too interested (it was a guilty pleasure interest of his, though he didn’t want Wade to know that). “It’s got quite a bit of room in it. He says he wants to take me there sometime.”

“Hmm.” Neville started to think (all while ‘coincidentally’ staring at the television screen). He didn’t want to invite himself to someone else’s property, but there was a part of him that was tempted to ask if they could have their vacation there. If it had a good amount of room and could house the whole group (including Mustafa, assuming he was able to come), then it might not be a bad idea.

“What’re you thinkin’ about?”

“Well…” Neville pursed his lips. “Y’know what, forget it. I don’t wanna intrude on you guys’ private time.”

“What, you and Moose wanna come? That’s fine! Leave the girls with a sitter or someone, the four of us could spend some quality time together, y’knowwhatI’msayin’?” At that, Wade nudged him with his elbow, and Neville gave him a shove.

“I’m not travelling up to the mountains to have a foursome, Wade.”

“What-- So then why even bother going?!”

Neville couldn’t believe how incredulous he sounded. “Most people don’t go on mountain trips with the intent to fuck all their friends.” He rolled his eyes, ignoring Wade’s “Because most people are cowards…” that followed his response. “I was hoping, if Moose and I are even invited, I could bring the kids too. Make that our yearly vacation.”

“I can’t see why he’d mind. He’s been dying to meet you. I’m sure he’d like to meet your children, too.” He leaned in closer, smirking. “And the man you looooove…”

Neville’s face went red, and he looked back to the television, taking a big gulp of his drink. “U-Uh…”

“What? You okay?”

“I’m fine, I just didn’t expect you to say that, that’s all… You caught me off guard.”

“I’m not being all that serious. Don’t couples casually say that they love each other all the time? It’s no big deal.”

“Um… Yeah, let’s go with that!” Neville forced a smile, staring down into his cup.

Wade took notice of his odd behavior, and he cocked his head to the side. “Okay, tell me what’s going on,” he said with a sigh.

“What? There’s nothing going on.”

“You’re acting like that again,” Wade pointed out. “I can tell when you’re worrying about something, especially when it’s Mustafa related. Go on, tell me what’s bugging you.”

Neville blinked at him, but he resigned quickly, desperate to get what he was thinking about off of his chest. “Well… I’ll be totally honest, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about if what I feel for Mustafa is actually love.”

“Does it feel like it could be love?”

“I… think it does?” He scratched the back of his head. “We… had this conversation about a month or so ago about whether or not he sees himself as being Jen and Daze’s father, and he said that he did. And, well… he might have made a brief reference to marrying me that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since.”

“For real?” Wade’s tone was softer now, and it sounded like he was genuinely happy to hear Neville say that. “God, you’re so head-over-heels for him, it’s unreal. How can you still be doubting if you love him if this is how you’re getting after the mere mention of marrying each other?”

“I’m so unsure because we still haven’t actually said ‘I love you’ yet. Not even after such a serious conversation…” Neville figured that, since a conversation like that involved their long-term future together, and since it had gone so well, at least one of them would have been able to work up the nerve and finally say those three words.

And yet, it hadn’t happened.

Something about that bothered Neville far more than it probably should have.

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t actually feel that way. One of you just has to say it.”

“It’s not that easy! I gotta do it at the right time, I gotta practice what I’m gonna say beforehand because you and I both know that I’m gonna stutter if I don’t, I gotta do it when I’m least likely to be interrupted--”

“Hey, how about this,” Wade interrupted, putting an arm around Neville’s shoulders. “I’ll talk to Austin about all of us going to his cabin over the summer. You bring Moose along with us, and you can tell him while we’re there. Nothing says ‘romance’ like professing your love in the middle of the woods miles away from civilization.”

“You have a very interesting definition of romance, you know that?”

“Damn right.”

“And this isn’t gonna end up like the time you wanted me to kiss him, is it?” Neville was wary. “I remember you making those weird faces at me during dinner.”

“Nev, let’s be real -- if Austin is near me, I will not be paying attention to what you two get up to. All I can do is hope that you’ll do what you’re supposed to be doing. That, of course, being that you’ll tell Moose you love him.”

Neville knew that Wade’s schemes were more trouble than they were worth, but this one wasn’t the worst he’d heard. He envisioned him and Mustafa awake one night, perhaps sitting by a fire pit, enjoying the night air. Such a romantic moment would surely be the perfect time to finally tell Mustafa about how deep his feelings for him were.

“Alright, Wade, you’ve got me,” Neville replied. “I’m in.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Wade reached for his phone. “I’ll text Austin and ask him what he thinks. I get the feeling that this is going to be a very interesting vacation.”

“I don’t doubt that at all…”

The few hours that it took to drive up to where the cabin was would have been a lot more bearable had Daisy not been asking “Are we there yet?” every few minutes (though Neville had fully expected this, so he couldn’t act like he was surprised), but in the end they still made it. It was bigger than Neville thought it would be, with two floors, and even a back deck. I can see why Austin would want to bring Wade up here. Neville mused to himself when he realized that there was also a hot tub. I’m sure they’d be spending lots of time in there if it were only the two of them. (He tried to ignore the look Wade gave him when Mustafa said something about wanting to go in it one night.)

Neville was admittedly a little off-put by the sheer amount of woods surrounding the cabin, but this was yet another thing that he expected, so he had no right to complain. Still, though, he and the rest of his family were farther away from civilization than he would like them to be.

Austin had warned him against worrying, however, saying that there was “nothing to be afraid of, kid.”

“Is there anything even in those woods? Chipmunks? Bunnies? Sasquatch?” Neville responded, not taking his eyes off of the trees.

“Yes, yes, and maybe. And, well, bears.” At this, Neville’s eyes widened, and Austin gave him a pat on the shoulder, shooting him a big grin. “But hey, they’re just like big raccoons. They won’t bug you if you don’t bug them.”

“But what if one of us runs into one? What do we do then?”

“Mind your own business, that’s what.” And with one last wink from Austin, their conversation ended, and Neville had made a mental note to have a talk with the girls about not wandering into the dense brush without adult supervision (though he wasn’t entirely sure if any of the adults on this vacation were adequately prepared to deal with wild bears, least of all the pipsqueak that owned the property).

There were three bedrooms in the cabin, each with only one bed in it -- which was a problem to no one except for Jen, who was complaining about having to share a bed with her sister (“She snores, daddy!” She had said, a statement Neville admittedly doubted). After being informed that her only other option was the couch, her tune changed, and she was suddenly on board with sharing. Let’s hope Daze doesn’t actually snore. For her sake.

“So, what’s on the agenda for the next couple of days?” Mustafa asked Neville that evening following dinner once the two of them had returned to their bedroom, plopping down on the bed. “Other than avoiding bears, of course,” he added with a playful grin.

“Hey, don’t act like I was wrong in bringing that up,” Neville responded, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Last thing I need is for someone to go wandering off. Six people came to this cabin, and six people are gonna leave this cabin at the end of the week. No less. Or more, for that matter.”

“Damn, there go my plans of sneaking a bear into the trunk. Now I gotta think of a new birthday gift idea for you.”

“Very funny.”

“Look, I get why you’re worried, but I really think you can trust what Austin says about bears not being a real threat. We just can’t go out after dark.”

“You say this now, but I know you’ll get scared if you come across one.”

“That depends, am I alone?”

“That’s up to you.”

“Well, if I’m alone, the I’d definitely be freaked out. But if you’re with me…” Mustafa’s hand snaked over to Neville’s, and he smirked and added, “Well, I’ll just push you towards the bear and make a run for it.”

Before Neville could say anything more, he heard the sound of Daisy squealing, as well as some giggling coming from the room next door. “Oh, God, are they jumping on the bed?” The next sound they both heard was that of a thump -- which meant that one of them had probably fallen off the bed -- followed by even more laughter. “Oh yeah, they definitely are.”

“You can’t let them have any fun, can you?” Mustafa chuckled as Neville knocked on the wall, hoping that his message came across clearly through that.

“How fun can it really be if they’re crashing to the floor? Nothing against Austin, but I don’t think Mr. Mountain Man is adequately prepared to deal with either one of those kids when they’re injured.” Neville barely was, and he was their own father.

“About what you said before, though,” Neville continued, “I think Austin mentioned something about heading into a nearby town tomorrow and getting some supplies that we’ll need for the next few days. We can look around and see what other stuff is in the area.” Knowing his daughters, they were going to want to check out every local attraction and gift shop. And he also knew that his wallet would be begging for mercy by the end of the trip.

“I was doing some research the other night, and I saw that there’s this zoo not too far away. Maybe one day we can go there?”

“That’s a possibility.”

“Oh, and I was also thinking…”

While Neville wanted to pay attention to the other suggestions Mustafa had for activities, he was primarily thinking about one of his main goals for that week -- to find a moment to finally tell Mustafa that he loved him. That played a big part in why he even agreed to go to this cabin in the first place. He needed to pick an appropriate time -- not tonight, but maybe tomorrow? Maybe if they found themselves alone in that hot tub, like Mustafa had suggested earlier…

“Nev?”

“Hmm?” All thoughts of a wet Mustafa were (unfortunately) driven from Neville’s mind when he spoke.

“Are you listening to me?”

“Of course I am!” He scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Mustafa didn’t seem convinced by this. “What did I just say?”

Neville pursed his lips. “‘Are you listening to me?’”

This prompted Mustafa to give him a light smack on the arm, and he rolled his eyes. “Smartass.”

“Only for you.”

Neville had told himself to expect the unexpected when it came to this trip. As such, he wasn’t surprised by Daisy’s whining during the ride to the mountains, nor was he too surprised by how deep in the woods the cabin was.

And yet, somehow he was surprised by how difficult it was to find a moment alone with Mustafa.

As planned, on their first day they went into the local town and browsed the stores. Neville knew that he wasn’t going to get a chance to tell Mustafa anything important during this trip, especially since Mustafa was far too preoccupied with finding little knick knacks that had the name ‘Adrian’ on it to pay attention. (“Moose, what am I going to do with a light-up keychain?” “It has your name on it! The possibilities are endless!”)

The following day saw them going to the zoo that Mustafa mentioned. All in all it was a lovely day, and after finding themselves sitting on a bench for a few moments while the others were petting the rabbits, Neville thought he had a chance. Then a nosy peacock had showed up behind him, and Neville was too on edge from the way it was staring it him to work up the nerve to say ‘I love you’. I can’t escape my feud with fucking birds even when I’m on vacation.

Then they had gone on a nature walk through a park not too far from the cabin -- one that was still surrounded by a forest, but was supposedly bear free. If it were only the two of them on this vacation, then the little bridge that hung over the creek would have been the perfect spot. With the water gently flowing below and the sounds of nature surrounding them, Neville couldn’t think of a better moment.

It wasn’t just the two of them, however, which meant that this was another excursion where Neville wasn’t able to do what he wanted to do (especially not while Daisy was chasing Jen around with the various bugs she was finding in the mud).

He couldn’t even blame Wade’s meddling for his lack of alone time opportunities -- he had stuck to his word and left Neville to his own devices, instead preoccupying himself with whatever it was that Austin was doing. Though it pained him to admit it, Neville regretted letting him do this. If anything, having Wade around would be helpful -- he knew that he’d be easily able to clear out a room and give Neville and Mustafa some time to themselves. Why is it that no matter what I try to do with this man, somehow it ends up biting me in the ass in the end?

Neville toyed with the idea of asking him for some help, but he knew that would be difficult. He couldn’t even find a few minutes alone with his own boyfriend (other than the time they spent in their bedroom, which was not the place he planned on telling him something so important -- especially not with the strict ‘no sexual intercourse’ rule that Austin insisted on enforcing), let alone Wade.

Regardless of Neville’s plans, the fact was that at that moment Wade wasn’t helping him, and now there he was, resting on the living room couch with Mustafa, Wade, and Austin on their final evening at the cabin. It was getting late, both Jen and Daisy having ‘gone off to bed’ (Neville was fully convinced that they were planning on staying up for the rest of the night), and it looked like the four of them would be doing the same soon.

“What time is it?” Neville asked, looking through the nearby glass doors that led to the outside deck. He could barely see a thing in the darkness.

Mustafa lazily lifted his head off his shoulder, checking the time on his phone. “Almost midnight. Way too late to be up, since we’ve got a long drive home tomorrow,” he replied.

“Ugh, I almost forgot about that…” Wade complained.

“Nothing’s stopping you from staying here for a few more days, y’know…” Austin muttered. “I wouldn’t mind having you.”

“A fantastic idea!” Neville grinned, clapping his hands together. “Go on, Wade, stay here for another day. Or twenty.”

“Nice try. You’re not getting away from me that easily.”

“Damn.”

Austin sat up, stretching. “We should be getting to bed soon, though. Last thing we all need is someone falling asleep behind the wheel.” He stood up, looking to Wade. “You coming?”

“Shouldn’t we wait until the fire burns out completely?” Wade gestured to the fireplace in the corner of the room. The fire wasn’t out completely, though it looked like it wouldn’t be lit for much longer. “Don’t get me wrong, I love you all, but I don’t wanna die in a blazing inferno with you. I’d rather my final moments be something a little cooler.”

Neville snorted. “Like what, dare I ask?”

“I dunno… Shot to death via laser beam?”

As Neville raised an eyebrow at this response, Austin asked, “So the three of you’ll stay up ‘till the fire goes out, then?”

“I guess so.”

Right as Wade said that, Neville realized something, and he snapped to attention. Austin was going to bed, and Wade was debating going with him. He and Mustafa would be left alone.

This was his chance.

“Moose and I can stay up,” he quickly said. “You guys can go to bed now. We don’t mind -- right, Moose?”

Mustafa shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

“See? Don’t worry about it. Go to bed.” He shot Wade a look, silently praying that he understood what he was trying to say with that glare. Wade frowned, but he didn’t ask anymore questions -- and why would he want to, seeing as Neville and Mustafa staying awake meant that he could finally go and rest?

“Whatever you say.” Wade got up, putting an arm around Austin. “Night, lads.”

Once everyone had said their good nights, Austin and Wade left the room, Neville waiting until their footsteps had faded away completely before pulling Mustafa closer to him. “Thank God, they’re finally gone…”

Mustafa rested his head back down on Neville’s shoulder, grinning. “They’re probably about to go break some rules, if you catch my drift.”

“‘No fucking unless I’m the one doing the fucking’ was more or less what I got out of Austin’s little ‘adults only’ rules presentation from the other night.”

“Mm, I wish we didn’t have to leave tomorrow…” Mustafa whined. “I love it up here. I don’t wanna leave.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun.” Neville kissed the top of his head. “All I want is to see you happy.”

“Did you have fun, too?”

“Of course. Mostly because I had you with me, though.”

“Good thing I have summers off, huh?”

Only a few embers remained in the fireplace, and the room was growing dark, only a faint glow illuminating the two of them. The scene was romantic -- just romantic enough for Neville to finally say what was on his mind.

Just as he was about to, however, Mustafa interrupted him. “Wanna turn a light on or something? I can barely see.”

“You afraid of the dark, Moose? Aww… Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” He wrapped both arms around Mustafa, holding him tightly.

“I don’t need protection.” Mustafa wriggled his way out of Neville’s grasp. “I just don’t wanna hurt my eyes. Otherwise I’ll need glasses like your dorky ass.”

“Gee, thanks.” Neville nodded towards the glass sliding door. “Turn on the light for the deck, that should be bright enough.”

Mustafa stood up from the couch, walking over to the light switch on the wall. “Which one was it again?”

“Uh…” Neville vaguely remembered Austin mentioning which one it was, but he’d be damned if he could recall what he said. “Try the one on the far left.”

Mustafa did as he was told, and he turned it on, instead switching on the overhead living room light. It surprised Neville, who covered his eyes, which were hurting from the sudden brightness. “Turn that off!” He hissed, trying to keep his voice down so as to not wake the others with their stupidity.

“Sorry, sorry!” Mustafa replied, hurriedly shutting the light off and trying the next switch. “Ah.” Neville still had his eyes covered, but he assumed from this comment that Mustafa had finally found the right light.

“It’s about time.” Neville was giving his eyes one last rub when he heard Mustafa say something under his breath.

“B… Bear?”

“Hmm?” Was that supposed to be a new pet name for Neville or something? “What is it?”

“Bear.”

“What?”

“Bear!!” Before Neville could properly register what was going on, Mustafa was off and running, and he dived on top of him, nearly crushing Neville in the process.

“What do you mean?” Neville managed to shove him off, but Mustafa still held his arm tightly.

“Bear…” He once again said, pointing towards the glass door. Neville followed his gaze, and his jaw dropped when he saw what he was talking about.

There was a large black bear staring at them.

Well, fuck.

“Jesus!!” Neville gasped, and Mustafa held him even tighter. The bear seemed just as surprised as they were, and without hesitation it turned around and ran towards the treeline, footsteps booming on the wood of the deck, disappearing almost as quickly as it appeared. Neville quickly got off of the couch, running towards the door.

“What are you doing?!” Mustafa’s eyes were as wide as saucers.

“Checking to make sure the door is locked, obviously!” He replied.

“What, do you think it’s gonna try opening it?! Like a bear’s gonna see the door is locked and think ‘Well, shit, not gonna get in there any time soon!’?!”

“Shush!”

The latch on the door was secure, and after taking a quick look at the front door in the other room Neville was able to determine that they were in the clear. No bears would be breaking in that night (hopefully).

He returned back to the living room, finding a very visibly shaken Mustafa curled up on the couch. “Moose?” Neville asked, concerned, sitting next to him. Mustafa latched on to him almost immediately. “He’s gone, don’t worry about it.”

“I-I wasn’t expecting that…” Mustafa breathed out, swallowing. “He scared the shit out of me.”

“I can tell.” Neville started to stroke his hair, gently. “It’s alright, though. We scared him off. He’s not gonna come back.”

“Did you hear those footsteps? That was a really big bear. Imagine the damage he can do with those paws?” Slowly, a smirk had begun to work its way across Mustafa’s face. “I can’t bear the thought.”

Neville blinked at him, and he let out a deep sigh through his nose, shaking his head. “You really just said that, didn’t you?”

“Oh, I did. Hey, if my puns are so unbearable, then you shouldn��t have invited me on this vacation.”

“Stop that!”

“I’m being bear-y annoying, aren’t I?”

“Weren’t you afraid only a few seconds ago? Can we go back to that time? So that I don’t have to listen to your silly jokes anymore?”

“Bear with me for a little bit, Nev, and let me have some fun!”

“Only I would fall in love with a man obsessed with puns.”

Mustafa’s giggles came to a stop, and he looked at him, Neville’s stomach clenching once he realized that he finally told Mustafa that he loved him. It came out so easily, so naturally, that he hadn’t even noticed at first.

Something else that came about very naturally was the fear that Neville suddenly felt.

“You love me?” Mustafa asked, sounding oddly unsure.

“I-- Well… Yes, I do. I love you.” It sounded even more genuine now that he’d said it a second time. “Why are you so shocked?”

“It’s just…” He clicked his tongue. “No guy’s ever told me that and meant it before. I’ve never been in a serious relationship like this. Wasn’t sure I’d ever be in one.”

“Oh…” Neville thought back to when Mustafa had first told him about the last boyfriend he’d had -- the one who cheated on him. He had mentioned something about their relationship being serious, and Neville had assumed there was talk of loving each other. Knowing how it all ended, Neville knew that clearly this ex didn’t mean a damn word he said, and he’d broken Mustafa’s heart.

And suddenly, Neville was overwhelmed with the urge to punch something.

“I truly do mean it when I say that I love you, Mustafa,” Neville said, intertwining their fingers. “You mean so much to me, and to the kids, and I… don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve made my life so much better.”

“Nev…” Mustafa looked lost for words. “You mean a lot to me, too. I can’t even begin to imagine not being with you. And both the kids and Wade have been so welcoming of me, I really feel like I’m apart of your little family.”

“Because you are, Moose.”

“I…” He seemed stuck again, but the words that he did manage to say were the ones that Neville had been waiting so long to hear.

“I love you, too.”

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Listen (Chapter 2)

Title: Listen Rating: PG Word Count: 2.8K for this chapter Summary: Phil is a successful YouTuber, and Dan is a fan desperate for attention. Sounds like 2009, right? Except Phil is Deaf. Tags: AU, Deaf!Phil, Strangers to Friends to Lovers Author’s Note: All dates are obviously completely fictionalized, including Dan’s little subscriber count milestone. This is an AU, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) Extreme thanks to the Treehouse Mailing List for all their support and encouragement! Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Listen” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 2: Talk to Me

danisnotonfire You said to DM you, so here I am. DMing you. This feels weird. Is it weird? I think maybe Im making it weird. 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s not weird. Or if it is, that’s cool. I like weird. ;) 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire lol 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil I was interested in what you were saying about the FFVII soundtrack. Tell me more about why you like the music so much. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire Have you lestined to it? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil No 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire But you play the game, right? It ws in your video 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s hard to explain, but I play it with the sound off. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil But seriously, I’m interested. Tell me about the music. 8 September 2009

Dan’s passion for music inspired Phil to download the song “Interrupted by Fireworks” and play it loud enough that he could feel the tempo by laying his palms flat on the speakers.

After his roommates complained about the noise, he only did it again at times when they weren’t home.

AmazingPhil This is going to seem really weird, but I’ve felt awkward about bringing it up. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire I am the king of awkward lol 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Bring what up? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s just, we’ve been talking for weeks, and I haven’t said anything about it. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Okay, well, I’m Deaf. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire You cant hear? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Yes, Dan, that’s what Deaf means. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Hey no need to be a jerk about it. I’m just surprised. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Why didn’t you ever say anything? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Well, I thought you would have figured it out from some of my videos and stuff I’ve tweeted, but then when you started talking about music, I just … 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I am such an idiot. 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil No you’re not! That’s why I didn’t want to say anything! 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire why? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Because I liked talking to you, and I didn’t want you to be embarrassed or something. Or to maybe think I was a freak or something. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I dont think your a freak 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire the whole reason i started liking your videos was because you dont talk in them 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire is that weird? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Maybe we’re both a little weird. But I don’t mind if you don’t. :) 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire xD 27 September 2009

One of Phil’s old friends from school had gone all the way to America to attend Gallaudet University, since it was the most highly respected university for the Deaf in the world. She’d had to study ASL in advance, of course, since it was a completely different language than BSL, but she seemed to be really enjoying her studies there. Apparently the sense of Deaf community there was more than she’d even imagined in Manchester. She practically glowed when she talked about her feeling of belonging.

Phil was jealous.

He’d chosen York because of his interest in their graduate program in video postproduction, since he’d loved experimenting with film since childhood, but his isolation as an undergraduate made him wonder how well a Deaf student would be received in the graduate program. Would they even make any accommodation for him in studying what they might perceive as a definitively audio and visual medium?

He and Sharon occasionally Skyped when the time difference allowed, but she now sometimes slipped into ASL without noticing, and Phil found himself feeling like even his Deaf friends were slipping away.

AmazingPhil Maybe we could Skype sometime? I mean, I can’t talk, obviously, or hear you, but we could at least see each other in real life and not just Dailybooth pics. :] 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire How would we talk tho? 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil I don’t know. We could write on paper and hold it up or something? 2 October 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil Now? 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil YAY! 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil See you soon! 2 October 2009

Dan seemed cripplingly shy in their first Skype call. He avoided eye contact much of the time, which made communicating rather difficult, but he loosened up a bit by the end and even seemed to flirt a bit.

Phil tried really hard not to develop a crush.

He was not particularly successful.

They exchanged phone numbers and began texting constantly, not to mention the lengthy Skype calls. Dan talked about his own interest in making videos, but gloomily doubted his ability to create anything interesting or worthwhile. Phil urged him to give it a try.

15 October 2009

Phil: I think you should upload it. It’s really good. Really!

Dan: I don’t now. I’m afraid people will think its kind of weird.

Phil: Weird is kind of our thing, though, isn’t it? :p

Dan: I just dont want to look stupid or soemething. i mean it kind of sucks

Phil: Dan, it’s brilliant. I promise.

Phil: I have to ask, though. The subtitle thing. Did you do that because of me?

Dan: No. I dont know. Not really. i just liked it. I thought it looked cool.

Phil: It DOES look cool. I just didn’t want …

Dan: what?

Phil: I don’t know. I didn’t want you to be making videos for me like that just because I’m Deaf. I know that sounds stupid. Never mind.

Dan: No i now what you mean. That wasn’t why i did it. I told you i first liked your videos becuz you didnt talk in them. So I guess I liked that style, but mine is different. right?

Phil: Of course! Your style is completely different from mine! I love the old-time silent movie thing, with the title cards and everything. It’s really unique! That’s why I think it’s so brilliant!

Phil: That’s why you should definitely upload it.

Dan: really?

Phil: Absolutely!

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: ok

Dan: maybe tmorrow

When Dan uploaded his first video, Phil tweeted about it enthusiastically to encourage his own online friends and fans to check it out, and unsurprisingly people loved it.

Dan’s unique, silent film era style, complete with occasional sepia tones and use of fancy-font title cards to communicate all dialogue and narration, approached modern-day storytelling and vlogging from a completely fresh perspective. He told stories about his own life, but in a style no one had used before.

People were intrigued. Other YouTubers Phil had come to know over the years quickly began interacting with Dan on Twitter, and Dan gathered an enthusiastic audience almost right from the start.

And Dan’s looks certainly didn’t hurt. Phil tried to ignore any jealousy he felt about the amount of flirting he saw going on publicly over social media. He and Dan were friends. Maybe they flirted, but apparently Dan flirted with everyone. It didn’t mean anything.

23 October 2009

Phil: Are you going to the Halloween gathering in London next week?

Dan: no

Phil: Why not? You’re officially a YouTuber now! You should come!

Dan: I can’t

Phil: We could finally meet. That would be so cool!

Dan: I said I cant

Dan: Just drop it ok?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push or anything.

Phil: I mean, of course if you don’t want to come, that’s fine.

Phil: I just thought it would be cool to meet you in person.

Phil: I mean, you’re one of my closest friends now and we’ve never even met!

[no response]

[after an hour, Phil logs off]

Phil took the train to London and attended the Halloween Gathering on his own, but felt Dan’s absence keenly the entire time. He brought a white board and a few different colored pens so he could communicate with people more easily, and found that YouTubers were less shy about such things than the average uni student seemed to be. They seemed to find the white board an intriguing novelty and eagerly interacted with him through it.

They didn’t treat him like a freak.

Or, at least, they treated him like their own kind of freak.

He’d discovered a different community. One that wasn’t perhaps as easily familiar and comfortable as the Deaf community he’d grown up in, but a community nonetheless.

He just wished Dan had gotten to experience it, too.

He kept in touch with another YouTuber he’d met at the London gathering, a guy named PJ who had been particularly unselfconscious about using pantomime, facial expression, and the occasional impromptu prop to communicate with Phil instead of relying exclusively on words written on the white board.

Their brains seemed to work in similarly creative ways, and they collaborated on a sort of abstract short film they’d sketched out together on a series of paper napkins during dinner at the gathering. Phil was pretty proud of the way the project turned out, and PJ seemed happy with it, too. They put it up on PJ’s channel, and it got quite a bit of enthusiastic viewer response.

Dan’s blatantly passive-aggressive jealousy about the whole thing was Phil’s first hint that his own more-than-platonic interest might be reciprocated, but he tried not to get his hopes up.

13 December 2009

Dan: I can’t believe I hit 10,000 subscribers!

Phil: Yeah, well, everybody loves danisnotonfire.

Dan: really? so that includes you? ;)

Phil: Nah. Not me.

Phil: I don’t love danisnotonfire.

Phil: I love Dan Howell.

[a minute passes]

Dan: I love Phil Lester, too.

Phil finished his graduate degree in York and returned to Manchester to find himself a flat on his own. He liked the independence but also enjoyed being closer to his family again, and some of his friends from school and college had returned to the area after uni as well.

Returning to some involvement with Deaf culture encouraged Phil to gradually shift the content of his videos, as he became more comfortable openly signing anecdotes about his life, influenced no doubt by Dan’s focus on his everyday life experiences in his own videos.

Viewer response was mixed. Some of Phil’s loyal audience rolled with the changes and seemed to enjoy the more personal glimpses into his life and personality, but others left ignorant, offensive comments about deafness and sign language. He lost some subscribers. Making his content more personal had made the cruel comments feel more personal, too. But when something online hurt his feelings, he just texted a real-life person he knew accepted him just as he was, and it helped.

Being able to sign with people again made his life richer and more fulfilling … and yet he found himself looking forward to his evening Skype calls more than any real-life interactions with his old friends. His family expressed concern that this obsession with a “stranger” on the Internet wasn’t healthy, but they just didn’t understand.

Phil had fallen harder than he ever had before, and with someone he’d never even met in person.

In a strange way, Phil felt simultaneously happier and lonelier than he’d ever been.

11 June 2011

Phil: Are you going to Summer in the City this year?

Dan: no

Phil: You have a lot of fans now. I’m sure they’d like to meet you!

Phil: And there are other people who would like to meet you, too! :p

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I said no. Jesus phil just leave it the fuck alone!

Phil: Hey, I’m sorry! I’m not trying to pressure you!

Phil: I’m just starting to feel like this is kind of weird. Like I have a boyfriend I’ve never even met.

Dan: weird is what we do, right?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Yeah. Right.

Phil: I know.

Phil: I’d just really like to meet you.

[no response]

[after a really long time, Phil logs off]

Phil attended Summer in the City on his own again, painfully aware of how much closer he was to Dan when he visited London than when he was back home in Manchester. Painfully aware that Dan not only hadn’t wanted to attend the convention, but hadn’t even responded to Phil’s desire to meet.

He talked with other YouTubers, made plans for possible future collaborations, and hugged dozens of enthusiastic fans, took hundreds of smiling selfies. But the entire time, he couldn’t help but think that Dan was only 40 miles away, instead of the usual 200. Less than an hour by train.

So near, and yet not within reach. He felt it like a physical pain.

15 June 2011

Dan: remember when you first told me you were deaf?

Phil: Yeah?

Dan: and you were afraid i woud think you were a freak

Phil: Right, but you didn’t. Right?

Dan: of course not you idiot <3

Phil: So what’s going on?

Dan: theres soemthing i havent told you

Phil: You can tell me anything. I love you. You know that.

Dan: but its really weird

Phil: Weird is what we do. <3<3<3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: i dont talk

Phil: Like you’re shy? I wondered if that might be why you wouldn’t go to the gatherings and stuff.

Dan: no i dont talk

Phil: But you talk to me all the time. I’m confused.

Dan: i mean to people. out loud. irl i don’t talk. ever

Phil: Okay.

Dan: ok?

Phil: Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don’t talk either. Are you Deaf too? Is that why you don’t talk? Why didn’t you ever say anything?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: no i’m not deaf i just dont talk

Phil: It’s okay, Dan. I just want to understand. Why don’t you talk?

[no response]

[after a very, very long time, Phil logs off]

Phil didn’t know what to do with what Dan had told him, especially since Dan had sort of dropped a bomb and then just run off without explaining anything.

One thing was clear, though. Dan didn’t like being pushed. When he wanted to talk about this—no pun intended—he would.

Because if one other thing was clear, it was that Phil was willing to wait.

6 July 2011

Dan: You havent brought it up.

Phil: What?

Dan: You havent ever asked about the talking thing.

Phil: I did. You didn’t answer.

Dan: yeah but you havent asked again since

Phil: Did you want me to?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I dont know. maybe

Phil: Okay. Why don’t you talk?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I havent talked since I was 8.

Phil: Wow. That’s a long time.

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: yeah

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Is that why you never wanted to meet?

Dan: yeah i didn’t want you to think I was a freak

Phil: Dan, weird is what we do. And I’m Deaf!

Dan: Well yeah but you dont do that on purpose.

Phil: You do it on purpose?

Dan: sort of i guess

Phil: So you could talk if you wanted to, but you don’t want to?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan, I don’t think you’re a freak. Just talk to me.

Phil: Crap. You know what I mean.

[no response]

[hours later, Phil finally logs off]

Phil did some research into muteness that someone might call “on purpose,” just wanting to understand, and found himself wondering if what Dan experienced was maybe something called “selective mutism” or maybe a “conversion disorder.” As far as he could tell, neither one was truly something anyone did purposely, but, really, if Dan didn’t want to talk about it, Phil wouldn’t be able to understand much at all. He just wanted to educate himself a bit so that if Dan ever did want to talk about it, he’d be less likely to say something stupid and make Dan shut down even more.

12 February 2012

Dan: I have a question to ask you.

Phil: Okay.

Dan: but its making me really nervous

Phil: I love you, Dan. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I promise. <3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: do you think maybe i could come visit you in manchester?

Phil: Skype me right now this very minute because you have to see how big my smile is! <3<3<3<3<3

[Continue to Chapter 3]