#not to be tmi but like within 24 hours of making that post i got my period so like... yeah lol feeling a bit better now

[essenceofarda]

To Be Loved: Ch12

Chapter 12 | Read from the Beginning

Before she was born, it was foretold that Princess Lothiriel would suffer greatly from the love of men. Her mother's dying words were words of power, to keep her daughter safe from suffering, to never trust the love of men. Now the Princess Lothiriel has become the Queen of the Riddermark. And though her heart is filled with love, will she learn to accept the love others have for her? An Eothiriel + Post-War-of-the-Ring Fic

New chapter up :) We're (finally???) getting to the more meaty part of the actual plot now haha. Only taken me like 4.5 years 😳😅😬

Anyway, would love to hear y'all's thoughts!!

[voxofthevoid]

Hey Vox! Werewolf anon here and glad to hear you're doing good! Or maybe feeling spiteful? I saw your poll and I can't wrap my brain around people who still do top/bottom discourse. Maybe Yuuji needs to go on a marathon and top all three choices?

As for me, I'm glad to see Yuuji kicking ass. And he's definitely giving me the Ichigo vibe with all the convoluted family connections and power legacies lol. He's a human! He's a vessel! He's a cursed painting-ish? What's next???

And that tiny Gojou crumb we got. Seriously it's sad how even those few panels make me happy. Then I see Nanami's weapon being used and ugh my Nanami sadness hits again. Fuck you Gege for killing them. 😭

And ahhhhh you want some updates on my werewolf namesake situation. Well since the last time I mentioned my foray into monsterfucking porn to my non fandom friend, I've also told her about the existence of a/b/o which went as well as you might expect...as in total confusion. She didn't initially understand the link between a/b/o and werewolves but then I had to go full blown fanlore explanations of werewolf fanfics and the whole knotting business and omegaverse and yeahhhhh. I think I might have added to the confusion when I mentioned that it's still mostly a sandbox and each author can kinda pick and choose whatever the fuck parameters they want. Gods...I haven't even mentioned the mpreg yet. Pray for me.

As for the knot dildo...I did briefly look into the inflatable ones but I got a bit intimidated. I decided I didn't want to end up as a Buzzfeed headline by accidentally rupturing an organ or something so instead I researched non-inflatable ones. Because unlike the Bucky in your fics, I do not have a black hole as a body part. I eventually saw a mold I liked and ordered the smallest one JUST IN CASE and uh...

I think you've ruined me, Vox. Because I don't think I can go back to normal dildos anymore. Even this smaller one (Let's call it Steve kun. Pre-serum Steve kun) definitely hit a lot different and better lol. Am I possibly also maybe kinda sorta admitting I re-read your Stucky werewolf fic before I gave the new toy a test run? I mean...I'm certainly not denying it. 😉

I think I'm going to try the next size up. I can name that one Rogers san, like a post serum Steve. Then maybe try the next bigger size and call it Nomad sama? Just keep ranking my knotted dildos based on the Steve Rogers DILF scale but adding Japanese honorifics because I'm unhinged.

Hopefully this wasn't TMI for you. If it was, you can just delete this ask lol. But I get the feeling you'd be cackling over one of your readers using your fics as sex toy shopping/orgasm inspiration. Thank you for writing and please keep feeding us the good stuff. 🤎

Tbh, I’ve been running on spite in this fandom since I posted the first chapter of little lamb to the slaughter and received a comment within 24 hours bitching about top!Yuuji. The spite levels keep rising because people keep clowning. I, too, would like to know why we have top–bottom discourse in the year of our lord 2024. But it’s fine, spite just makes me more productive! And don’t tempt me—I’d actually scrapped an idea featuring Yuuji topping ten men in a continuous narrative, and shit like this makes me want to revive it.

Yuuji’s family tree continues to fascinate me. I’ve been heart-eyed about the whole thing ever since Kenjaku was revealed to be his mum, but the new reveal about Jin and Sukuna has got me howling. Then they added the part about the finger being sealed in him at birth. No wonder Kenjaku sounded so fascinated with Yuuji at Shibuya—sure wish they lived to see what he’ll become.

I’m with you on licking up the Gojou crumbs 🤝 The Nanami crumbs too—still not over Yuuji thinking of him when Higuruma died.

You’re opening your friend’s third eye with a knotted crowbar. I approve! I’m also laughing my ass off. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED ON THE MPREG. That’ll be fun, especially on the heels of “here’s a highly flexible alternative universe based on disproved wolf behavioral research.” I salute your commitment 🤣

And first things first, no worries about TMI. This—

But I get the feeling you'd be cackling over one of your readers using your fics as sex toy shopping/orgasm inspiration.

—is 100% accurate. I’d print this ask out and put it on my wall if it wouldn’t lead to some…fascinating questions. (Okay, in all fairness, anyone I’d invite to my place wouldn’t even bat an eye, but the landlord is another story.) Anyway, if I’d like to call anything my life’s work, it’s all the porn I write, and getting people off is itself an achievement. Throw in you finding a sexual revelation or ten via knotted dildos (gleeful that the werewolf fic wormed its way into the equation btw), and I’m over the fucking moon about it. I can die happy now.

“Steve-kun” made me lose it, and the progressive naming scheme you’ve proposed made me put down the phone and just laugh for a good few seconds. Enjoy your shopping and please don’t rupture anything!

Also, thanks to you, I’m considering “Blackhole Asshole” as a tag. God knows a bunch of what I’d write would warrant it. Plus, it rolls off the tongue!

Loved the update 💗

[pacifymebby]

So idk who needs to read this right now but, razor burn is such a real issue right now and also chaffing too, also yeast infections. 30 degree heat and having to walk places (cruel that as women we are expected to walk around in 30 degree heat) (or at all) does unfortunately lead to some pretty uncomfortable situations but

Do not be embarrassed besties, do not feel gross, these are all unfortunate but entirely natural things we can sometimes experience

Also if you are experiencing any of these things, because idk about you lads but actually the summer is cruel to my vagina, here is some advice...

For razor burn/nappy rash

🌿 Don't pop the spots!!

🌿 Wear loose clothing, no super tight thongs or skinny jeans

🌿 Moisturise with something like coconut oil

For yeast infections/thrush

🌿 First of all, don't mistake this for an STI, I remember the first time I got this as an adult I thought I had some kind of STI

🌿 I hope this isn't TMI but thrush can be identified via a few different things

- dry/sore itchy red skin

-internal itching

- creamy/yellowy discharge, kind of lumpy/stringy and thick (internal thrush, external thrush looks different)

- maybe white bits around external areas of vagina area, sort of looks like little bits of tissue, this is external thrush, comes with the dry red itchy skin

- just itchy/uncomfortable down there

🌿 Secondly, you're not gross or dirty for having it, yeast infections happen when the PH of our vagina changes and the usually useful bacteria which is always living there gets a bit trigger happy and multiplies wayyyy too much.

🌿 The best ways to deal with this are...

✨ Clotrimazole cream (external thrush) apply pea sized blob to external areas that are sore

✨ Cold shower to the area numbs the fuck out of it, literally the most blissful relief

✨ Drink lots of water, helps restore pH balance and flush the issue out.

✨ Eat less sugar, sugar can make the pH change and encourage growth.

✨ Fluconazole - antibiotic that you should definitely take to help your body fight the bacteria off. Does tend to work within 24 - 48 hours, I'd be dead without this stuff honestly.

✨ Cotton pants!!!! No nylon, no sweaty polyester type materials, just nice cotton, loose fitting pants that will let air get to your vagina and also lessen the ammount you are sweating!!!!!

✨ Again, no super tight clothes, no skinny jeans and things that like ride up and give you wedgies.

For Chafing

🌿 I looked up vaginal chafing the other day and it turns out this is a problem a lot of runners experience so there is actually rather a lot of advice out there to tackle it

🌿 Using something like vaseline on areas that chaff can be good to stop the chafing (but be careful to identify that the soreness is definitely chafing and not thrush because sometimes stuff like vaseline can encourage yeast infections)

🌿 Be nice to yourself, granny panties, no thongs. Nothing that will rub and chaf more basically.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this brief interlude. Normal posting will return shortly.

If summer is also being a pain in the arse (almost literally) for you then besties, don't be embarrassed, don't feel gross, this stuff happens, it's all natural!!!!

And if anyone ever does want to ask me advice like this then you can come to me and ask me anything, it's all good.

[aajjks]

Things suck recently. This is another one of my stupid vents to the internet as a stranger on the internet spreading their TMI about their pathetic life and I’m just here bc I have no better outlet.

Within 2 weeks since school started it feels like everything has fallen apart. I’m arguing w my friends and most of them aren’t talking to me while I’m going through the toughest time of my life rn. My family is struggling in ways more than one. The new dance crew I’m in feels so unfamiliar and I don’t have friends there. The old one kicked me out of the gc (understandable bc I’m not in it obv) but it just makes me feel so empty and like dying. The last thing I was able to see from the chat is their rehearsal video and all my teammates look so happy. It feels like every life or group that I was ever a part of always becomes happier or better without me. I don’t even have the time to cry anymore because the 24 hours of my day are half school, half dance/vocal, and half hw. I barely even have time to eat, do chores, or go on my phone like I am now and the reason I can even do that now is bc it’ll take away from my sleep time instead. everything is so much and it feels like I’m healing, hurting, and losing myself all at once. I’m trying to keep my head up and look forward to small things like updates on ur blog or just anything but when those come I barely have the time to look at them now. As a person I’ve been through a lot but this is charting as probably the worst time I’ve ever had and this time no one can help me. I can’t drop dance or vocal bc im so dedicated and I can’t drop out of school or do less hw. My childhood had always been lost growing up but now it feels like my youth has become nothing but training in the studio for a choreography I won’t even get cast in and doings mountains of work that won’t help me if I’m stuck in poverty in the future. I don’t even know who I am anymore and I’ve become insecure of every atom that makes up me.

And now the only thing I can do is be a moping, lifeless loser and complain about it like it’ll do anything. Growing up really sucks, you can probably relate to that as well. I hope you do well on your exams goddess, and take this as a sorry for all my random vents that might appear in the future too. Don’t post this if u don’t want to honestly, it’s hard to say anything abt this and u shouldn’t have to be comforting or caring to someone you don’t know on the internet. Just hope you can have less stressful days, exams really suck and I hope you can rest and take care soon. Btw I’m not super young like a primary school kid and just got hw assigned for the first time ever or sth I’ve been doing it all my life but this year it’s just sm worse.

- the 🐇 anon who said she was gonna write regular asks soon but lied

my love.. I’m not even going to lie but yes life fucking sucks. We’re struggling nonstop w/o any break or good thing in life…. God the depression that I get when I think about my future just makes me want to quit everything and sit like a pathetic loser….

It fucking hurts to feel excluded and feel like the world is better/happier without your presence, makes my guts clench so hard.

God… I can’t even imagine the level of your exhaustion… hw/vocal and dance practice for so many hours w/o any good outcome yet must feel so burdening… with family and personal issues as well…

I can relate to you…. Oh my god my mind is too not in a good place but here’s the thing I tell myself.

I have to keep trying and survive. That’s the thing.

No matter how hard it is to try to go on and repeat the same routine every single day.

And can I tell you something personally? I really really think that you’ll succeed. I really want you to keep trying… keep working hard because I just know you’re going to make it, better than anyone else…

Please don’t give up. It takes a HELL lot to achieve your dreams…. I don’t have the guts to haha but I want you to fulfill your dream!!! And become happy! ❤️

tbh you’re so gutsy to not have given up, I’m soooo proud of you and I’ll be rooting for you like a top fan ;) trust me you’re going to BE SUCCESSFUL 😋❤️

[aleclightofmylifewoodbane]

that last post about reading tda in cold weather reminded me of when i started tsc and the absolute feral energy i read it with. i started CoB right before my christmas break and i got it from my school library, so when i absolutely loved it and finished it a few days into break, there was absolutely no option of waiting two weeks. so i went out and bought the entire tmi set, and finished them all by the end of my break, two weeks. after that, i was able to read tid from my school library within two weeks, and since the library didnt have tda, tftsa or tbc, i started buying the tda books as i read them. i remember finishing LoS in two days. no one could stop me. I finished QoAaD by early/ mid January. sometimes either when i was reading tda or right after i finished it, i started searching for more tsc content because o h n o im running out, and i found tbc and tftsa, which i immediately ordered and read them within two to three days or recieving them. at the same time i had also ordered both graphic novels, and i read both of them on the same day within four hours. after that, whilst desperatly scrounging around for more, i found A Long Conversation, and bought that and consumed it. after that i waited eagerly for trsom, which i read in a little over a day. almost summer time i believe, i discovered gotsm, and i bought each story, with the exception of the ones only released in print, and finished them within a week. and being the absolute obsessive feral rat i am i bought the sets i didnt own personally to reread and at some point i bought and read the codex and shadowhunters and denizens of downworld, as well as the anniversary version of CoB and the limited edition of TRSoM. after i initially became obsessed, i spent a lot of time on the sh wiki and looking at CJ’s art, and eventually looking through tumblr, and even more recently making this account. and of course, since i slammed most of the main content during winter, i almost always associate her books with cold weather and winter, so i have the urge to read the books in cold weather 24/7. i feel like i joined the fandom at a convienent time bc i didnt have to wait for tda to be finished and a lot of release dates were close, so i thank the lord for my timing even tho it was recommended to me like two years prior. but now i wait painfully with everyone else for upcoming book dates, and i bow to those who have been here since CoB came out, yall are really something

in short, from time to time i like to think about how absolutely feral i went over tsc and slammed the entire main series in less than a month, and i always want to read her books in cold weather

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Depression and Anxiety

Hello, my beautiful followers!

This post is going to be something different than what I usually post. This isn’t a chapter of Madness or a random ficlet/imagine. I just want to open up about what’s going on in my life at this exact moment, something that has plagued this blog a lot since its birth.

***IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO TALKS OF SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, OR ANXIETY, PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER***

***If you are struggling, there are always people who are willing to help. Reach out, find a hand, grab on, and hold tight. You are needed. You are worthy. You are enough. ***

***If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone. It’s free, and it’s confidential. You can call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with them online here.***

I live with major depressive disorder and panic disorder that also morphs into bouts of OCD. Throughout my life, I’ve been treated by various therapists/psychiatrists/doctors, received medication (which never seemed to work), been to therapy, spent time in inpatient care, and spent time in the hospital in connection to my depression and anxiety, which have-in the past-led to attempted suicide and suicidal thoughts. My anxiety and depression feed off of each other at this point in my life. I look at them as a co-dependent couple.

When I’m depressed, my anxiety is sitting in the background with a little voice saying, “people can see you’re depressed! You should hide it! No one likes a debby downer. Be happier. If you don’t play your role as the funny one, people won’t want to be around you.” It progresses from there, and they begin to work in tandem with one another. If I don’t hear from a friend for a day (which is totally normal in my friendships), the anxiety tells me that they probably left me, while the depression tells me that it would be for the better because everyone leaves at some point, right? Those aren’t “normal” thoughts for me most of the time, but depression kicks my ass. I struggle with the anxiety building up the depression...until the depression starts to give way to the anxiety.

When the anxiety hits, it hits hard. I have panic attacks, and it leads to me secluding myself in my house for days on end. I’ve called out of work before because I can’t bear to leave for fear of having another panic attack. It’s embarrassing to have one of those in public, especially at your job. Quick story: my anxiety had started to diminish, and I was heading back into what I call “Eden” which is just the state of being “normal” (for lack of a better word).

Let me say this before I continue: I understand that “Eden” has a religious context, but I was raised Catholic and left the church at a young age (14ish) when I was told (at my church) that “the gays are going to hell.” I understand that not all Catholic churches preach hate, but mine did at the time. As a queer woman, that didn’t support my beliefs, so I left, but that’s an entirely different story. Eden was still, in my mind, a place of peace and tranquility, a place I dreamed of when I was younger. When I was scared as a child, I would try to picture what the Garden of Eden would look like, and it helped calm me. I just wanted to put great stress on the fact that my choice of words for my “normal state” is in no way pushing religion onto anyone. It’s just what I named it.

Anyway, I was on my way out of my anxiety, thinking that it was just about packed away. I hadn’t experienced a panic attack for two or three days at that point, so I was hoping there wouldn’t be anymore of them at all. When I got to work, I clocked in and within 45 minutes, the man who had been sexually harassing and threatening me (he’d often threaten to follow me home and do whatever he wanted with me) came into the store. This man was well known for being a drug addict and an alcoholic, but he made me feel wildly unsafe even when I was far away from work at my own home. He did his usual rambling and made eyes at my chest over and over again, asking for cigarettes and whatnot. In the meantime, I had called my supervisor up to the front to have him deal with the situation. By the time he got there, though, the man noticed and walked out. Still, he had made the same variety of threats he always did, and it sent me over the edge.

I ran to the bathroom, a complete mess. I was sobbing, shaking, and I nearly fainted because my panic attack was causing me to hyperventilate. I cried so hard I had to use the toilet to vomit (probably TMI, but I want to be super real with y’all). I’m a strong person. I’ve been through the wringer time and time again from my mom’s suicide when I was 14 (which I feel an immense guilt over) to the death of my very best friend. We all have our stuff, every single one of us, and these are mine. When my panic attack had subsided, my boss suggested I go home and take it easy for the rest of the day. It was the most embarrassing situation I’d ever experienced because this panic attack happened at my place of work, and my coworkers witnessed part of it. I could barely show my face after that, and my depression started to feed the anxiety. The depression said, “you’re too damaged. No one likes damaged goods. You might as well not be around. You’re a waste of air. This is just a sad existence. Why try? Give up.”

This is just an insight into my life. Recently, I woke up, and I knew it was going to be one of those days. I had a pretty severe panic attack the night before, but I woke up with high anxiety at around 2:30 am. I knew at that moment that it would lead into a depressive episode, and I can never tell how long the episodes will last. I started to have a complete meltdown. I wouldn’t normally wake up around that time, but I did. I drove out to the middle of town and sat in my car until it was light out. I watched passing cars, stared out the window, looked up at the stars, and thought about my own existence. For hours, I was the human embodiment of the Dial-Up internet sound or TV static.

I have a history with self mutilation, which I hate talking about even with my therapist. It brings up the “hot shame” feeling. It’s an activity I haven’t partook in for years (since I watched my grandfather cry when he found out about it) and had no real interest in it since then. For years, those thoughts haven’t really crossed my mind...until that morning. In a desperate attempt to pull myself out of that mindset, I started to partake in other destructive behaviors that I won’t get into detail about here because I NEVER want to endorse these activities. I wanted to feel something else-anything else-and distance myself from potentially hurting myself, so I did.

***I want to make it very clear that these are not activities that are life-threatening (hard drugs, self mutilation, breaking laws, etc.). I want that to be very, very, very clear.***

Because I haven’t taken part in these activities for a long time, it’s hard to remember how to pull myself out of this all-too-familiar rut. I’ve been isolating myself from my friends, hoping that by hunkering down and riding it out, I’ll be able to come out of this episode quickly.

I just wanted to give some clarity as to why I’ve been “absent” on this blog, why I haven’t been posting as often as I would like to be, and why I haven’t been as active as I should be. I hope you’re able to understand why this blog may seem “lifeless” at some points, but I have a lot of ideas as to how I can bring my creativity back to life and maybe breathe life back into this blog that I love so much. Writing is my main creative outlet, and being able to share my creations has given me so much joy.

I cannot explain how phenomenal y’all are for sticking around and staying with me for this long. To those of you who have reached out and have spent time talking to me, fangirling with me, encouraging me, hearing me, more times than one, you’ve pulled me away from a ledge, even if you didn’t know it. I am forever thankful for what you’ve given to me, and I could never thank you enough for that.

With all the love in my heart,

Me.

[mill3nniumforc3]

200: My crush’s name is: Russell :) 199: I was born in: April 1994 198: I am really: energetic 197: My cellphone company is: Verizon 196: My eye color is: hazel 195: My shoe size is: 7.5-8.5, depending on the shoe 194: My ring size is: 7.5 193: My height is: 5′5″ 192: I am allergic to: penicillin, cats, pollen, and strong scents 191: My 1st car was: I’ve never owned my own car. 190: My 1st job was: babysitting. First real job was a desk job at my university 189: Last book you read: I don’t remember. I don’t have time to read for leisure. 188: My bed is: comfy 187: My pet: Seamus the miniature schnauzer and Sugar the Aussie-mo 186: My best friend: Ashlyn 185: My favorite shampoo is: Dove 184: Xbox or ps3: neither 183: Piggy banks are: for kids and rainy days 182: In my pockets: nothing 181: On my calendar: going river tubing on Saturday, party next Saturday, trip for T’s birthday weekend, and possibly going to Kennywood and Kings Island sometime in August. 180: Marriage is: something for my future self 179: Spongebob can: do anything 178: My mom: is the bestest 177: The last three songs I bought were?: who buys music anymore? 176: Last YouTube video watched: probably an ASMR video 175: How many cousins do you have?: too many to count 174: Do you have any siblings?: three sisters 173: Are your parents divorced?: no 172: Are you taller than your mom?: yep 171: Do you play an instrument?: piano, drums, bells, and I know three chords of the guitar 170: What did you do yesterday?: sleep [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: sure 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: maybe? 166: Yourself: depends on the day 165: Aliens: not really... 164: Heaven: yes 163: Hell: Do I believe in it? Yes, because God is just. Do I believe people are damned there? No, because God is loving. 162: God: yes 161: Horoscopes: no. It’s funny to see “horoscope” posts and see if they apply to me, but it’s a bunch of b.s. A bunch of Aries aren’t going to have the same day/month/year. That’s ridiculous. 160: Soul mates: I’m not sure if I do or don’t, but I do believe in love. 159: Ghosts: no 158: Gay Marriage: of course! 157: War: it’s an unfortunate and unnecessary part of life 156: Orbs: no 155: Magic: yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: both 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: no comment 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: straight 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s (though I’m probably biased because I work there) 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: both 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: neither 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: I want to be cremated and have my ashes buried with a seed and grow into a tree 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Kat 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben 128: Manicure or Pedicure: mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday stopped being special after I turned 19. I get good food every year on Christmas. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Six Flags 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Indians [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. 121: George Bush: he had some good policies. Better than Trump, that’s for damn sure. 120: Gay Marriage: should never be illegal again. 119: The presidential election: #FuckTrump #VoteBlueNoMatterWho #ImpeachTheMF 118: Abortion: all my life, I was told to be pro-life. These days, I don’t know anymore, but I think my beliefs are closer to pro-choice than pro-life. 117: MySpace: it’s not 2008 anymore. 116: Reality TV: glad it’s not my life 115: Parents: they’re doing their best. I’m not looking to be one anytime soon though. 114: Back stabbers: bye! 113: Ebay: Amazon is better. 112: Facebook: these days, I use it to get laughs and memes. I don’t interact with people I know IRL much. 111: Work: good for the money. Not good for my mental health. 110: My Neighbors: they’re ok. 109: Gas Prices: #ThanksTrump 108: Designer Clothes: I can get good clothes at Target. The only “splurge” I do for clothes is at Spencer’s or Kohl’s. 107: College: I plan to go back soon. 106: Sports: entertaining. 105: My family: family is life. 104: The future: anything can happen [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: Tuesday. 102: Last time you ate: a couple hours ago (chik’n patties and cheese) 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last week. I saw a manager I hadn’t worked with in like a month. 100: Cried in front of someone: Monday 99: Went to a movie theater: July 2nd 98: Took a vacation: June 97: Swam in a pool: back in February 96: Changed a diaper: I don’t remember 95: Got my nails done: way too long ago 94: Went to a wedding: in April 93: Broke a bone: 2017 (broke my toe) 92: Got a piercing: 2006 91: Broke the law: never. I’m a good person. 90: Texted: three hours ago [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Russell 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog 87: The last movie I saw: in theatres, Toy Story 4. At home, Adventures in Babysitting. 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: being off on Saturday 85: The thing im not looking forward to: working tomorrow 84: People call me: Vonnie, Vonn, Bonbon, Sophia, and “the girl” 83: The most difficult thing to do is: not cry while watching Grey’s Anatomy 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was: my sister 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten. His name was Wally, and we were “boyfriend and girlfriend” til about third grade, and we remained friends til we graduated 8th grade. Haven’t talked to him much since. 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Russell 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Sunday 76: Right now I am talking to: nobody because it’s 3:30am 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I hope to be teaching English education 74: I have/will get a job: I currently work at McDonald’s, but within the next 6-12 months, I’ll be moving out of state, so who knows where I’ll work.  73: Tomorrow: work 72: Today: work 71: Next Summer: I’ll be in a whole new state, so that means new amusement parks to visit and rollies to ride. 70: Next Weekend: party. Oh, and next Saturday makes officially 18 months with me and Russell, so go us! 69: I have these pets: two dogs 68: The worst sound in the world: the beeping in the headset when I work back cash. It haunts my nightmares 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Heather because she sends me to back cash all the time 66: People that make you happy: Russell, my mom, my dogs, Ashlyn, and Aunt Dolly because she sends me lives on Candy Crush 65: Last time I cried: Monday 64: My friends are: Ashlyn, Mikayla, Jon, Rilee, Lamar, Tae, Alexus, Clare, Katie, Mario, and Kel 63: My computer is: all mine because I bought it with my own money 62: My School: not in school  61: My Car: don’t have one 60: I lose all respect for people who: lie 59: The movie I cried at was: Avengers: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: natural 57: TV shows you watch: Grey’s Anatomy, Once Upon a Time, House, The Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, and... I don’t really watch TV because I don’t have cable. 56: Favorite web site: YouTube 55: Your dream vacation: Just a big coaster trip 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: my period this month. I had cramps for days leading up to my period that were so bad that, the day my period actually came, I couldn’t stand straight. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t eat steak 52: My room is: a mess, like my life 51: My favorite celebrity is: NPH 50: Where would you like to be: with my boyfriend 49: Do you want children: someday, but not today 48: Ever been in love: ohhh yes. 47: Who’s your best friend: not answering again 46: More guy friends or girl friends: i think i have a fair amount of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: this is tmi, but sex with my bf. 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Russell 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: yes 41: Have you pre-named your children: I don’t have any definitive names, but I’m thinking MaryGrace Linda for a girl, and James Sebastian for a boy 40: Last person I got mad at: Anna because she put me on back cash 39: I would like to move to: someplace south 38: I wish I was a professional: dancer.... no, writer.... no, why not both? [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: peanut butter cups 36: Vehicle: Jeep 35: President: FDR 34: State visited: North Carolina (not just saying that because I lived there for two months) 33: Cellphone provider: Verizon 32: Athlete: Trevor Bauer 31: Actor: Justin Chambers 30: Actress: Amy Poehler 29: Singer: Chester Bennington 28: Band: Linkin Park 27: Clothing store: Kohl’s 26: Grocery store: Marc’s 25: TV show: Grey’s Anatomy 24: Movie: 13 Going on 30 23: Website: Pogo 22: Animal: seal 21: Theme park: Cedar Point 20: Holiday: Christmas 19: Sport to watch: baseball 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: I only read magazines at the dentist office, and I’ll read whichever has an interesting cover story 16: Book: A Series of Unfortunate Events 15: Day of the week: Saturday, as long as I’m not at work. If I’m working, then Mondays, I guess... 14: Beach: Huntington 13: Concert attended: Winter Jam, because I got to see Skillet play, and I met Matthew West. 12: Thing to cook: desserts 11: Food: eggplant parm 10: Restaurant: Olive Garden 9: Radio station: Star 102 8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla 7: Perfume: I don’t wear perfume 6: Flower: Daisies 5: Color: pink 4: Talk show host: Ellen DeGeneres 3: Comedian: Steve Rannazzisi 2: Dog breed: I really like terriers lol 1: did you answer all these truthfully ?: For me to know and you to find out :)

[truthfulrebellion-blog]

Hysterectomy

Let’s call it what it is. No pussy footing around it. A necessary evil on the way to the end game: phalloplasty. I had been waiting almost six months to hear back about my approval for phalloplasty. I currently have health insurance through Kaiser Permanente, and they had a laundry list of things for me to do in order to present my file to the medical board. I had to transfer my files over from the organization I was seeking healthcare through, as it was cheaper than paying out of pocket for an endocrinologist, to Kaiser. I also had to obtain letters from two medical professionals confirming my need for bottom surgery. The whole process took nearly a year and several trips to medical facilities nearly thirty miles away from my home. My case manager finally called and said in order for the final review to occur, I had to get a hysterectomy.

At the time, I thought that was done by the surgeon performing the phalloplasty at the time of the phalloplasty. With Kaiser, that is not the case. They want anything and everything they have the capability of doing done within their facility. Likely to keep costs down. I didn’t mind. My hysterectomy was scheduled for December 15th, 2018. I had to get blood tests done and watch several videos that didn’t pertain to my situation regarding the procedure. The videos are, obviously, geared towards women. I did what I needed to do and prepared myself for the surgery date. I got a call to move my surgery up about 10 days, even better. Then not 24 hours before the surgery, I received a call stating that it was being delayed for a week. My new date was the 11th. This was terribly inconvenient as my care giver for after my surgery had already taken off work for the original surgery date.

I walked into the facility to check in about an hour early. I had yet another interesting surprise. The surgery was going to cost me money. $475, or close to it. Luckily, I had the money. I was very upset that I wasn’t told about this ahead of time, however. I am paying for the most expensive coverage this company offers so I had as little to pay out of pocket as possible. In the grand scheme of things, $475 is better than $10k. It still would have been nice to know before I showed up. If you have Kaiser, please make sure you know exactly what the costs are before you walk in the door.

I got checked in. I had to remove all of my clothing, put on a hospital gown & surgery cap, and take one final per break. I also forgot to mention I had to stop eating at midnight the day of and wipe my body down with these pre-surgery wipes. I was hungry and my skin smelled weird. They hooked up my IV, fed me my “lunch”, and several doctors came in to ask me questions and verify information. My surgery was supposed to occur at 3pm, but was delayed until closer to 5/530. My surgeon came in to make sure I knew what was about to take place. He also talked to me about a surgeon for bottom surgery in Arizona or New Mexico he was going to refer me to. He had given me the name in our prior consultation. When I looked that surgeon up, I was horrified. The man was fired from the California region Kaiser Permanente for botching transwomens vaginoplasties. The guy didn’t even specialize in phalloplasty. I expressed these concerns to him and told him it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to partner with him for any trans surgeries. Hopefully he heeds my advice. He confirmed that after the surgery, he would stick to the decision to refer me to Dr. Jens Berli of Portland, OR.

I knew nothing of Dr. Berli. There are no results to been seen online, barely anyone who has undergone his procedure even talks about their results, and I couldn’t find any other information besides his starting point in Maryland. I found his Facebook page and did some pretty intense research on him. He seems to genuinely care about his patients and has a passion for what he does. His only negative review is from someone who never had surgery with him because of a communication issue with his staff. Everyone else gave him five stars. So, I figured why the hell not. Hopefully my progress will help others who may be going to Dr. Berli for their phalloplasty be more comfortable with moving forward with him or the surgery itself. I am flying as blind in this moment as some of those who might read this in the future might feel. Trust me. I feel your pain.

I finally went in for my surgery. This time I wasn’t put under until I was on the surgery table. For my top surgery, I was out before I turned the corner on the way to the operating room. The next thing I remember is waking up several hours later and in pain. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was very disoriented. I’m not surprised considering I was on anesthesia. Apparently I wasn’t breathing enough either since my O2 alarm kept going off. I had to stay for an extra hour until I could get my breathing going regularly. Which is hard because I believe I have sleep apnea, and when I sleep I breathe much slower than I do when I’m awake. So I would fall back asleep, stop breathing, and be woken up by the nurses to get me to breathe. I didn’t feel any different than I usually do. I was actually quite comfy. But I’m sure it was uncomfortable for others around me to see me breathe 1-2 times a minute while asleep.

I was in so much pain. The pain meds hadn’t kicked in yet. I had had a total hysterectomy, oophorectomy, and partial vaginectomy. Let me tell you. When your genitals are covered in stitches, sitting fucking hurts. I couldn’t get comfortable. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Lord, that was an adventure in of itself. Once I was done, I had to have the nurse help me pull my maternity disposable underwear and extra absorbent pad on. And to help me get dressed. The was a humbling experience. But those disposable underwear are comfortable AF. I wish I had had more of them. I was only sent home with the 1 extra pair. After I got dressed, they sent my care giver to get the car. They sat me in a wheel chair and wheeled me to the pick up area. Wheel chairs are super uncomfortable. I begged the nurse to let me sit on the plushy waiting area seat, but she told me no. I couldn’t wait to get out of that chair. It hurt so bad.

I’ll spare additional details about the trip home. I was basically in pain in the seat, it took over an hour to get home, and I got right in the couch seat I’d be in for the next week and fell asleep. I had to wake up every 1-2 hours to pee and every 4 hours to take my pain meds. Compared to my chest surgery, the pain of the hysterectomy actually wasn’t too bad. I barely needed any medicine. The worst pain came when I peed. It burned like the surface of the sun, and I could barely get the urine out. This lasted for about 2-3 days. I was bleeding pretty regularly for 1-2 weeks and spotting until the 6th week. I had horrible colored discharge the entire recovery. I actually had to go get adult diapers when my last pair of those comfy underwear got worn out. I couldn’t find any of those huge puffy pads or anything without adhesive.

I think the worst part was not being able to poop. I could feel the poop in my back. I really could. But I could not get my bowels to work. Apparently, this is normal. I ended up pooping on day 5. Best advice? Take stool softeners religiously. I would go so far as to say take a laxative on day 3 or 4 because that poop is going to be quite solid. TMI alert, my first poop after surgery tore a little bit of the inside. Like a hemorrhoid. I’m getting into these details because I wish I had had them. It’s not rainbows and butterflies. It’s bleeding and inability to poop. I also could barely sleep as I had to sleep on my back, and I can’t sleep on my back. I get so unfortable. By day 3 I was sleeping on my side on the other couch. I’m also a bigger guy, so I had to hold my stomach when I got up since there was a lot of pain from my belly hanging. I’m not 300+ pounds or anything, but I do have a beer belly. If you are the same, just be prepared for tummy pain when getting up.

I slept on the couch for 3 weeks. It was so much more comfortable than my bed. And it was easy access to everything. I am almost 8 weeks post op and still get tummy pain. But for the most part, pain and blood free. I do still have discharge coming out. I’ll probably continue to wear the diapers until I run out just in case. I had already ruined a pair of pants when I thought the discharge was done. But after about 7-10 days, I was walking around and driving and doing what I needed to do. It was uncomfortable to sit and bend over, so my roommate had to help with a lot of things. My final observation is to leave the scabs alone. I accidentally picked at my belly scab and one of the dissolvable stitches came loose from my incision. I had that stitch hanging out for at least 2 weeks until it finally dissolved at the base and popped off. My scars look great and my hair has finally grown back on my stomach.

I’m doing all of this well after my surgery, so I am sure I have missed a thing or two. If you have any questions, please give me a comment or a message. I will answer anything.

[mayalaen]

@buckybee replied to your post “i’m good at letting stress get to me :D”

Where on the body do they form? Are they painful/itchy? (i doubt i'll be of more help than your doc, but i have time and an internet connection :D)

This is probably TMI for most people, so I’m gonna do a cut in case anybody happens to not see the “replies” tag and didn’t feel like reading about this :D

Mostly on my stomach, but they’ll come up anywhere, especially areas covered by clothing. It starts out as a little round area of very mild... not even redness, but pinkish? skin.

If I don’t put something on it (and it doesn’t matter what it is a long as it’s SOMETHING -- triple antibiotic, zinc ointment, even antifungals, Vaseline) within the first 24 hours, it starts forming a small clear liquid-filled pustule right in the center. Ya know how spider bites can look? That’s what I thought they were years ago when I first got them.

They don’t itch or hurt or anything. In fact that’s part of the problem because unless I see it, I don’t know it’s there until they get really big, which is rare. If I let them go without squeezing them, they’ll get as big as my fingernail on my little finger. When they get that big, they get sensitized. So if my clothing brushes over them it’s this nerve-like burn/irritation?

It’s always clear liquid. Doesn’t smell, burn, itch, or anything else (until it’s really big). I’ve tried all sorts of ointments and stuff on it, but nothing changes them whatsoever unless I catch it before it gets the pustule, and even then it doesn’t matter what I put on it, it just seems to respond to whatever the ointment is and doesn’t form the pustule.

I’ve always had trouble with heat rashes, and my mom does have eczema, but this doesn’t present anything like those things, and it only comes on when I’m under a lot of stress and letting the stress get to me.

Sometimes if I’m having sensory overload issues, I can feel them before they turn into a pustule. The skin in the area feels like it’s burning when clothes brush over it, but I have to be really sensory overloaded to notice it.

Docs tell me it’s not anything like staph or dangerous types of conditions, and even at its worst, it just makes the skin super red and the blood vessels in the area are visible. I don’t remember seeing anything like it when I was in the medical field.

When I first got them I freaked out because I figured it was staph, which would’ve sucked REALLY bad working in a tattoo shop because I could’ve spread it to everyone. It never spreads to other people though so that’s good :)

[hangonimevolving]

The Happiest Place on Earth, and New Year 2020 Adventures

Dear readers - I have a really convoluted update for you all today, but (I think) it has a happy ending!

First of all. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020! Hope the new year brings us all peace, fulfillment, and most of all.... GOOD HEALTH.

The family and I kicked off the holiday season in a veritable flurry of activity. The kids celebrated their school holiday show with great fanfare...

And then I had a personal high, as I completed my second-ever Jingle Bell Jog 5K race successfully!

This was the first event of my race series and fundraiser for the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. so I was extra happy at having ticked this item off my to-do list.

That same day, just hours after I crossed the finish line, Dr. Spouse, the kids and I packed up the car and headed north to the Orlando area, for a 6 day vacation. The week was planned to include a four-day stint visiting the parks at Walt Disney World along with my parents, who would be flying directly from New Orleans to join us.

We had a blast on this trip! After a few rough months, it was so much fun to make new memories with Ajima and Thatha, especially since taking the grandkids to Disney has long been an item on Thatha’s bucket list. We were delighted to help him work on this one!

The trip was *almost* perfect. Almost. There was just one hiccup.... and fortunately/unfortunately, it mainly involved me.

I woke up on the final day of our Disney parks adventures - Thursday, December 26 - ready to tackle Epcot, which is my favorite of the four parks. But the minute my eyes popped open, I just knew something wasn’t 100% right with me. I felt like I’d been hit by a BUS. I had horrible body ache all over, my head was pounding, and my chest felt heavy, as if someone had poured a gallon of wallpaper paste into my lungs. I groaned to myself, knowing what this meant - I was probably coming down with a cold - but I still forced myself up and to get ready, since it was our last day of the trip and there was no way I was missing it!

By the time we loaded into the car and headed out, the leaky faucet nose had started.  I definitely sneezed a LOTTTTTTT through the entire day - huge, rib-cracking sneezes, that had my entire rib cage and back hurting well before lunchtime and through the evening. But I pressed forward, tried not to make a big deal. As I had been throughout the trip, I was even more militant in insisting the family use hand sanitizer and antibacterial hand wipes all day long than I already had been (which was a lot). But yeah, it was a very long and difficult day.

I put myself to bed in isolation that night - I didn’t want anyone else catching my germs!  The good side of my isolation is, I didn’t disturb anyone else’s sleep that night, and I managed to abstain from infecting anyone. One down side is, I suppose it meant that no one in the house saw how sick I actually was, and by the transitive property, perhaps even I didn't register how sick I was. That night, I ran a very high fever, yet was having teeth-chattering chills for hours. I couldn’t breathe through my nose, and coughed nonstop. I got awful, fitful sleep, with weird, violent, vivid dreams all night.

The next day, I started suspecting that maybe I didn’t just have a cold - maybe it was the flu?  We tried to locate an urgent care clinic where I could get a rapid flu test, but it proved hard to find anywhere with a <6 hour wait, and I was absolutely determined not to get anyone else sick (least of all my post-CABG father or my two young kids).  So I insisted Dr. Spouse just call in a Tamiflu prescription for the entire household - it would be therapeutic for me, and prophylactic for all of them. He dutifully obliged, and we were all on Tamiflu by 2:30 pm Friday. We said goodbye to my parents this evening - they flew out of Orlando directly to New Orleans - and Dr. Spouse, the kids and I would drive back to Miami the next day.

That night’s sleep was worse than the previous, and featured the worst fever sweats I’ve ever had in my life, soaking through all my clothes, all the bedsheets, down to the mattress cover. It seriously looked like someone had dumped the Gatorade bucket on me after winning the Super Bowl. And again, I had violent, bloody dreams of war imagery all night....

The next day was every bit as painful as the last, and perhaps more so - my entire head and chest were clogged with sludge, the body ache was debilitating, and worst was that I felt like I couldn’t really think straight or make good decisions.  In a nutshell, we weren’t packed up at all, and I woke up from fitful sleep about 9:30 that day and to my horror realized we had to check out of the rental cottage by 11 - - I was trying to run around and pack, but my body and brain were literally not working properly together.  It was brutal - and we were definitely an hour late vacating the property.  I ended up falling asleep within minutes as we started our drive home, and slept 3.5 hours of the 4 hour drive, which SHOCKED me and Dr. Spouse - I never sleep on road trips!  Should have known this was a bad sign that something was really wrong.

Sunday and Monday, things started looking up. I still had terrible sinus congestion, but the cough and fevers were improving, and my energy level was slowly returning! Hurray! Time to get back to normal..... except, weirdly, some new weird symptoms popped up. I was blowing my nose a LOT, admittedly - but I developed a nosebleed sometime early Monday morning, and it just... didn’t stop. For well over 24 hours. Then I noticed a few weird red spots on my face and neck - I assumed maybe I’d scratched in my sleep when I was sweaty at night? But by Tuesday, there were more red spots in more places. Everywhere. On my back, stomach, chest, arms, legs, feet... my sinus symptoms were better, but these spots were weird.  It hit a head on Tuesday morning when Dr. Spouse and I sat down to breakfast. I definitely had more spots than I’d had an hour before. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and began to eat, but then I noticed my mouth felt funny. I realized, to my horror (sorry, TMI) - I had big spots in my mouth too, and they looked like these blood-filled blisters all over the insides of my cheeks and the back of my throat. They looked like dark purple jellybeans, stuck everywhere on my oral mucosa - and some of them were doubling and tripling in size before my very eyes. One burst, right there at the table, and suddenly a trickle of blood oozed our the corner of my mouth. Dracula Mommy, yikes - Dey was at once amazed and horrified. And all the while, my nose was still bleeding.

Dr. Spouse looked grave and got panicky. He had three patients to see in clinic, but he wanted me to get medical attention ASAP.  I initially felt like maybe this was a bit of an overreaction, I didn’t think it warranted an ER trip, and I was feeling rather sheepish to bother a lot of people, and bewildered at the childcare logistics - especially considering it was New Year’s Eve.  Besides, my sinus congestion and energy level were feeling better - so how sick could I really be?  

Well, turns out I was wrong. It turns out there was actually something seriously wrong with me.

Blood tests revealed I had developed a very serious condition called thrombocytopenia. This is a condition where a person’s blood platelets levels drop dangerously low, making it difficult or impossible for them to clot. It makes any sort of wound or injury or weakness in any vessel or the body a potential site for deadly hemhorrage. In my case, it happened to be very severe. The normal lab ranges for blood platelets are between 150,000-400,000. At my ER admission, my labs came in at 1,000, with a little downward arrow next to them! It was a dire situation - basically, I could have hemhorraged from anywhere, from my head to my toes, from my brain to my entire GI tract.  I could have died.

Very quickly after the issue was diagnosed, I was administered a transfusion of IV steroids, followed by two units of donor platelets.

After the platelets, I had to receive something called IVIG, or IV immunoglobulins. I believe these are to boost my immune system and help it stop accidentally nuking itself in the course of fighting the flu virus, or whatever pathogen started me down this insane road. The IVIG infusion, as it would turn out, would take like HOURS - maybe 8 hours total - and it was determined that I’d have to be admitted to the hospital (to the ICU, no less!) for a whopping FOUR DAYS, to receive further IVIG treatments until my platelet levels came back to an acceptable range. I was FLOORED and overwhelmed at this news, of course - again is really thought perhaps Dr. Spouse was being overly cautious initially. But I soon realized the gravity of the situation and promised to comply with all the healthcare professionals’ advice.

Although I cringed to do it, knowing a) what they’ve gone through recently, and b) the fact that we’d JUST spent the week with them in Orlando and sent them peacefully home, I found myself with no choice but to phone Ajima and Thatha from the ER and explain what was going on. True to form, they mobilized within minutes, and had plane tickets booked in no time. They arrived right around midnight on New Years Eve to relieve our wonderful friend/former Nanny S, who graciously pinch-hit and babysat the kids at home so Dr. Spouse could come be with me. I’d been in the ER from about 1 pm till maybe 5:30 or 6 pm, and eventually been transferred to an intermediary ICU room, where I’d spend the next 4 days.

Do you see my purple spots??  Hard to visualize in these pics, but they’re there.

I spent the next 4 days mostly in bed - I wasn’t permitted to walk around unattended, use the bathroom on my own, shower without supervision, etc. because even though I felt fine and am ordinarily physically able, I was considered a bleed risk if I accidentally stumbled or took a fall.  So in bed I stayed.  And for about 10-12 hours each day, I received IV infusions through both arms of steroids and IVIG.  It was a surreal experience, but also an incredibly fortuitous one, in that I didn’t really feel all that sick!  Dr. Spouse would come visit me for a few hours each afternoon through the nights, and my parents would bring the kids for about an hour each evening.  I had a wonderful crew of nurses who looked after me, talked with me, made sure I was comfortable and well-fed.  And my medical team was also very good, especially my hematologist, who was careful, methodical, and very even-keel about everything, explaining what had likely happened to me, what the next steps were, and what I should look out for in the future. 

I have A LOT more to say about this experience, especially all that has now happened afterwards, and all the follow-up care I must now receive.  It is going to be a journey for awhile longer.  But for now, a few thoughts in closing out this post....

It’s weird. Obviously, I wish NONE of this had happened - but I also felt so incredibly lucky.  Because: 

1). I’m so glad my post-heart surgery dad, senior citizen mom, and young kids didn’t get this virus, and that it was only me.  I’m also glad Dr. Spouse, our primary breadwinner, care provider for hundreds of people, and our beloved daddice of our family didn’t get it.  

2). If this absolutely had to happen to me, I consider myself lucky that in recent years, I’ve put my fitness first, and especially these last few weeks, I’ve been training for a race series, which means I’ve been eating right, training rigorously, attending to my cardiovascular health as well as my lean muscle composition, taking lots of multivitamins, and even pursuing yoga for restorative, rehabilitative, and emotional/mental health.  Basically, I was AS HEALTHY as I could have been going into this, and I think that saved my life.  I didn’t have a fatal vascular weakness that gave way to hemorrhage, because I’ve had the blessing of the opportunity to take good care of myself.

3). I have an ANGEL on my side.  My uncle Marley was definitely looking out for me.  Aside from being a huge source of love and support - it so happens that Marley suffered for many years from a platelet disorder which was constantly being managed.  He was of course the first person who came to mind when I got diagnosed with this issue - - and I swear he was looking out for me. I even have evidence to that effect.  Will share in a followup post.

4). Last but not least - - this one is overwhelming and wonderful.  

I met my husband when we were about 18 years old.  I had no idea at the time what the future held for us - but this person has evolved into many things, including a WONDERFUL, sensitive, intelligent, and proactive physician. He is REALLY, REALLY good at what he does for a living - and I think that’s because he would do it even if he didn't make a living doing it.  He LOVES his particular field of medicine.  And it so happens that he is a stroke neurologist, who sees patients with brain bleeds and emergency events related to bleeding/clotting every single day.  So it was my incredible fortune that the man I’m married to, saw what was happening with me, wasted ZERO time, and insisted I get care. 

My husband saved my life.  He is my hero.

Alright.  I think I’ll end this one here.  In upcoming posts, I’ll be discussing several things, including:

- the aftermath of my great Flu Adventure - the types of follow-up care and remaining question marks about my health (and hopefully I’ll be getting some reassuring data to share here!)

- an update about my Race Series!  Obviously (and heartbreakingly) I’m going to have to rejigger some things here.  I am working on my emotions with this.  But I’ll share it all with you.

In conclusion - -  I want to wish you all a happy new year.  May it be a year of good health and fortune for everyone!  Big hugs and big love  :)

[winsomelychic]

Recovering in Bliss

There is this saying that many moms go by and it is “Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids”. I think I reread this quote on fifty million mom blogs as I was preparing for my little one. Ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I did see this quote often and it is so true. Post-partum care is very important when you first come home. If you are not well, you will find it difficult to take care of a needy little one. Newborns are a lot of work. Your days turn from 12 hour days to 24 hour days and you sleep when you can. Your needs get put on the back-burner as you stress over your little one. By being prepared for this recovery phase, you will be prepared to care for yourself stress-free and be able to put your focus on your new little one.

When you get home from the hospital, you are in this foggy haze of “WTF”. The initial shock of your baby’s arrival is over (Well I don’t know if it is ever over but it sure has set in), the nurses are gone to help you out, and its show time. You have just given birth to the most precious human, but your body is at the beginning stages of recovery. It just went through some major trauma of giving birth – and how miraculous that is. It’s going to take some time to adjust and go back to normal. I don’t think I felt normal until around week 3. I don’t think I went to the restroom like normal until about 5 weeks. (One thing you learn, TMI does not apply to someone who had a baby. Just get ready to talk about things you never would have thought about.) Everyone’s recovery time is going to be different depending on your labor story, but one thing we have in common – We Must Heal.

When you get home, you are experiencing so many emotions and the last thing you want to think about is the pain your body just endured. My recovery phase, I will not lie, was very easy. I think this is because my labor was very quick and easy. Marleigh only weighed 6 pounds 6 ounces and her head circumference was very small. I was in labor for 40 minutes with an epidural and within 10 pushes, little miss made her arrival. I am extremely thankful and blessed for such a wonderful labor, which made my recovery much easier. There were definite moments I was uncomfortable and using the restroom was scary, but the pain subsided pretty quickly and the bleeding stopped within a couple weeks. I was very fortunate in that department. I had a mild first-degree tear and needed only a couple stitches. I am very thankful because my husband had to go straight back to work, so I was out of help for most part of the days. I give so much credit to the mothers out there that have a child all alone! It was tough work just to have the days to myself, I couldn’t imagine never getting any relief. You mamas are stronger than you could ever imagine. However, I had quite a few friends who had children in the months prior to me and they all gave me their stories and prepared me for the worst. My one friend was in labor for hours and ended up having an emergency C-section. Another friend had a third-degree tear and a hernia to follow. I had heard all the stories and wanted to be prepared. You can never fully “prepare” for your labor and how your body will react, but there are some essentials I found important for all of us that you can have on deck. There are other items that I would have in your Amazon Prime account ready in case you need that two-day shipping. Also, if you don’t have Prime, I HIGHLY SUGGEST getting this. You will be surprised how many items you might come across needing in a quick time and it is so convenient in the first few weeks when you do not want to leave the house! Also, Walmart grocery delivery service. Totally off topic, but this is such a wonderful service while you are sitting in your home recovering. Back to a healthy recovery:

I am a very big on creating list. I list my day to day errands, my shopping needs, my cleaning routine, everything. I create a list and it helps keep me organized. You will see that on many of my posts, I create a list for you because this helps me think. Today, I am going to list out some post-partum supplies that may be helpful to have on deck to help you during the recovery phase.

Postpartum Supplies:

1.       Frida Bottle: The bottle the hospital gave me was just a generic bottle that really helps none whatsoever. This bottle is so amazing because you can fill it up with warm water and the spout curves up for easy use and easy spray for when you have to use the restroom. I bought two of these so I could have one in each restroom of my house. I also put this in my hospital bag and I am so thankful I did. This saved me in the hospital when I had to use the restroom.

2.       Tucks Pads: These are very nice and cooling. They are also very helpful if you get a hernia after labor!

3.       Dermaplast: I bought one can of this to bring to the hospital. I started using it right away! It kind of numbs you down there to help easy discomfort.

4.       Heating Pad: This helped with my back pain. I was in back labor and then had the epidural. I was just kind of sore from it all so it was nice to have when I got home to lay on. The hospital may provide a heating pack for you when you are there.

5.       Adult Diapers/Mesh Undies: This is a preference thing of what you are more comfortable with. I use all the mesh undies and pads the hospital gave me until I ran out. Since I was very active post recovery and, on the go, I very much liked having the adult diapers because I could put it on and just change when I needed too. It was much easier to change the whole diaper than make sure the two pads were in the mesh undies! Again, I did both but having some pads and diapers on hand is easy.

6.       Nipple Cream: I was very fortunate again and did not have any cracks or bleeding! They do get sore though, so this was nice to put on them and just massage it in. I also would put breast milk on the nipple and let it air dry. This is nice to have just in case your little one does have a tough latch at first! If you are formula feeding, you will not have to worry too much about this!

7.       Herbal Perineal Spray (Earth Mama)- This also helps discomfort down there and can be used when using the restroom or after a bath! Just some extra care for down there!

8.       Wipes: I had wipes just to help clean after using the restroom and the bleeding went down. It’s a lot of pat cleaning for the first few weeks due to the stitches.

9.       Comfy PJ’s or Clothing: You probably already have this but make sure it is easy to get too! You do not want to have to worry about clothes the first few weeks! Relax, take it easy.

 Helpful tip: TAKE AS MANY SUPPLIES AS YOU CAN FROM THE HOSPITAL. My nurse was all for giving me extra supplies during my discharge. She gave me tons of extra pads, mesh undies, cold packs, and heating pads to help. The hospital also gave me one thing of Dermaplast and hernia cream upon discharge (as I mentioned above, I brought the Dermaplast to use right away!)

 There are so many products out there. These are products that I had on hand that really helped for my recovery and many of those around me! I know if you have a C-Section, a belly band is very helpful with the scar healing!

Also, self-healing is not just taking care of your body with products. It is taking it easy, sleeping, and making it a priority to find some time to relax! If someone offers help, TAKE IT. Grocery shop online! If you have a two-story house, put a diaper changing station downstairs and put an extra set of the products in the downstairs bath in a basket. If you are anything like me, these tips are useless. You are going to continue to live life normally. In all seriousness, try to enjoy these days and put less stress on yourself. Let your family, spouse, partner, or friends do some work for you! Do not feel bad! Your body just endured so much, you deserve it.

 Let yourself heal.

Xoxo,

Jeana

[kurtwarren54]

PREGNANCY / WEEK 20 TO 28

Excited to chat with you and share more pregnancy updates (and currently 29 weeks pregnant as I write this EEK!!!). Hope you enjoy these updates and if there is anything else you are dying to know, please leave me a comment on this blog post and I will be sure to include in my next update.

WEIGHT GAINED As of the start of week 28, I have gained 16 pounds.

HOW BIG IS BABY By week 28, Baby is the size of a large eggplant. A little over 2 lbs and about 14-15 inches.

BABY MOVEMENT This has been one of the most exciting things to happen during the second trimester. It started off as what felt like little gas bubbles popping in my stomach. I remember the first time I thought to myself, “OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BABY MOVING!!!!!!” And I put it in my calendar the first time that Blake felt a kick at 22 weeks! (Which was on April 23) It took me considerably longer to feel movement because of the position of my placenta. My placenta is both in the front and on top so doctor said it might take a touch longer for me to feel stronger movements. I am happy to report baby is dancing on the inside now and it’s such an incredible thing to finally be able to get that immediate knowledge that baby is inside doing well and able to actually kind of communicate with me that way. It’s also so special that Blake can feel the movement. It brings such a real element to the pregnancy that we have been waiting for till now!

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY Headaches/Migraines: I have continued to have migraines during this time but they have started to settle down. My doctor allows me to take excedrin migraine at the onset (since I can always tell when they are coming on) as well as I lay down, put on my eye mask, and lay an ice pack on my forehead. This usually REALLY helps and has allowed me to not be taken out for an entire day or two because of them. As I have gotten closer to week 28, I have not had one for quite some time. So fingers crossed this time has passed.

Hip + Tailbone Pain: I started to get really intense pains in my hips and tailbone making it even difficult to walk. The pain has come and go and my strategy is to continue doing a lot of the stretches I learn in my prenatal yoga class which seems to be helping. I also make sure to sleep with a pillow (or A LOT of bunched up comforter between my knees) to relieve some pressure and that seems to help as well.

Peeing my pants: I am still peeing my pants on the regular over here. TMI I know… but let’s be real. It happens. Now Blake thinks it’s funny to see if he can get me to laugh so hard that I pee myself… NAUGHTY HUSBAND. I continue to pack panty liners with me in every single purse for those… just in case scenarios. But at this point, I think I should prob pack a spare outfit in my car for a super serious accident. We also recently started taking a prepared child birth class at our hospital and while facing each other on a mat during breathing exercises, Blake and I were literally laughing so hard I peed myself in class. AWESOME. Maybe I should just wear an adult diaper to my next class. In all honestly, I think it’s great he can make me laugh like this.

Bye Bye Nausea, Hello Energy: The nausea is gone and I have to say I am feeling much more “normal” if that is a word for it. It’s incredible how much nausea can really drag you down in every way and it’s been amazing to be able to start to enjoy my pregnancy in new ways.

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY These weeks were right in the sweet spot for me. Because the physical symptoms started to subside, it’s like there was this huge breath of fresh air for me to breath in mentally. It’s easy to not love being pregnant when you feel like garbage 24/7 and I have to say, things started to get a little bit easier. I know I talked to you about not 100% LOVING being pregnant in my last update and I am happy to report that this chunk of time relieved some of that. While I still have this amazing respect for how difficult it is to go through pregnancy, it’s been a beautiful blessing to be able to fall in love a little bit more with my body, the process etc. Some days are harder and some are easier but being able to feel the baby, watch my body grow, it’s created this amazing little spark of love that I just can’t describe.

HIGH RISK DOCTOR APPTS So at our last scan, the anatomy scan, we saw a CPC (choroid plexus cyst) which had me FREAKING OUT. We went to our echocardiogram at the high risk doctor and quickly saw that the CPC was gone and that there was nothing to worry about. The heart all looked great as well. This was all amazing news. The doctor did however notice something going on with the placenta. He found what they call a “marginal cord insertion” where the umbilical cord inserts into the placenta within 2 cm’s from the outside of the placenta. There is also another type of cord insertion that is much more severe and worrisome but my doctor assured me that this was not that. Because they saw this, we now need to be monitored more frequently as the baby gets bigger to ensure he is growing on track and getting all the nutrients he needs from the placenta. We have been going every 4 weeks to monitor and everything has been looking good! At this point we just roll with the punches and know that is baby is growing, that is all that matters. And getting a little extra screen time with our little guy is never a bad thing.

GLUCOSE TEST At week 26, I headed to the doctors office for the dreaded Glucose test. The horror stories I heard… were endless. Let me tell you about my experience. It’s a fasting blood test so for a preggo that has nausea and needs to eat.. It’s not the most fun experience. But, considering my background in what I have done for this baby to date, I wasn’t really that worried about this test. I got there and was able to pick a glucose drink flavor that was refrigerated (which I think made it easier to drink) and I picked lemon lime. Like drinking a Sprite right? HA. They take 1 blood draw before you drink the beverage and then wait an hour, test again, and wait another hour and test again. I chugged water before the test so I would not be dehydrated which made the blood draws easier. Honestly, the experience wasn’t bad for me. I had my laptop with me and just kept myself busy working while I waited for each blood draw. All in all, it wasn’t my preferred activity but the experience wasn’t as bad as everyone made it out to be. Excited to tell you I PASSED!

WHAT I’M EATING My food preferences always seem to include some kind of dessert or sweets. Love having something on hand after dinner to get that little bit of a sweet tooth fix! We have been taking more frequent trips to grab ice cream and frozen yogurt and I am not mad about that! We also stock the freezer with ice pops, haagen daz bars, and yasso frozen yogurt bars (mint chip is my fav!) We cook a lot but I always love a good italian meal. Something about it comforts me. I also always have string cheese on hand as well a new favorite, Blue Diamond Honey Roasted almonds for when I want a sweet treat but also a little protein. Other than that, I pretty much am eating everything and have random cravings all the time where I tell Blake, “Hey you know what sounds good?? Strawberry shortcake.” Totally reasonable requests coming from me all the time. HA!

HOW I’M SLEEPING Sleep has been going ok. I have stopped taking the unisom for now as I have been sleeping through the night and don’t want to take things if I don’t really need them. If you remember, my doctor let me take unisom to help me with sleeping. I do toss and turn all night from side to side but generally that is how I usually sleep anyways. I have actually been sleeping without a body pillow. What I do is steal ALL of the comforter and bunch is between my knees and my feet since I move around so often. It’s working for me for now but I am sure that will change soon. I have my pillows handy for when I need them. I actually slept surprisingly well on our babymoon to Maui. Considering we were not in our own bed, I slept like a rock. Likely because of the time change and spending 8 hours a day in the sun.

EXERCISE I am still loving my prenatal yoga class every Friday and the stretches and practices I am learning are going to serve me well getting closer to Labor. I also still try to get to the gym when I can but after the babymoon, I have been more tired and getting to the gym less these days. I don’t force my body if I feel like I am too tired to go. I always listen to what my body needs. When I go, I still do the treadmill at an incline of 3 and speed of about 3.5 and then do some arm circuit machines. Thank goodness I have Blake who will keep me motivated and always ask if I want to join him at the gym. So when I feel up to it, I can go.

BODY IMAGE Last post I talked about body image and at this point in pregnancy I am feeling much more comfortable in my own skin. We headed to our babymoon around week 26 and I have to say, it’s the best I have felt my whole pregnancy. Maybe it was that sweet Hawaiian breeze… but it’s also likely because it was in the perfect sweet spot for my body and soul. My bump was finally loud and proud and something just clicked where I felt confident and beautiful. I spent my days in Hawaii in my bikinis with a smile plastered on my face, watching my baby boy move from the outside, and having literally the best time. Do I have cellulite? Hell yes. Are there things I might not love about my body? Of course. But you know what, there is way more love than anything else I have for my body at this part of the journey. Getting ready in the bathroom I would just start staring at my belly, thinking back about how much I dreamed of these days. To look into the mirror and stare back at a rounded growing belly. Every time I catch that reflection I take a minute to think about just how lucky we are.

BABYMOON If I can suggest one thing, take a babymoon. It doesn’t have to be a whole big vacation, it can even be just a weekend getaway. If you can make it happen, just slip away for the weekend with your significant other and take the time to indulge just the two of you. Have a nice meal, enjoy a sunset, anything. Looking back on our trip, I am so thankful we had the time to spend together and really just RELAX together. Without work or obligations getting in the way. Everyone LOVES to tell me how your life will forever change once that little love bug comes into our life but it’s really true that this time together just the two of us is so special. We scheduled a photoshoot with my dear friends of Love and Water to capture the moment and ended up with some incredible memories from our trip. For us, Maui is so special because we got married there 3 years ago and it was the start of our family of 2 (plus lola and the cats!). Being able to come back as a soon to be family of 3, was even more magical and I can’t wait to bring out little one to these exact same spots and create new memories in one of our favorite places.

CHALLENGES Hormonal meltdowns: The hormonal meltdowns are still real. ALL. THE. TIME. I really try to curb my unreasonable nature but at times it’s just impossible. So this continues to be one of those things throughout pregnancy that lingers but at this point, I think I (and Blake) are semi used to it by now.

WHAT I’M WEARING I recently did a post here sharing my babymoon wishlist and alot of things I wore while in Hawaii. I recently did a huge shopping haul before our trip and stocked up on alot of dresses. Honestly dresses are the easiest thing to wear and not feel constricted and it’s been so wonderful that is Summer and I can get away with doing that. It means that I can still buy non-maternity dresses to slip into as well. I have been lounging in this cute graphic tee, this little bit sexy cover up, and this dress that just makes me feel like a sexy, beautiful pregnant woman. I also picked up this bra that is not maternity and surprisingly cozy to wear under white tops and dresses for summer. I need to pick up another in black.

SELF LOVE Part of my self love routine has been scheduling time to get a mani pedi. Seems so simple but it’s always so fun to get to pamper yourself. I was able to enjoy an AMAZING prenatal massage on our babymoon and will likely schedule another massage in the coming month. Blake and I also continue to make time for date night every week. We either plan a new recipe we want to try together, or try a new restaurant to savour the time when we can just pick up on a whim. So important to focus on always strengthening our relationship and having fun along the way. Blake has been my rock and does SO much for me in general, and basically takes over cooking all the time so I can rest and he is basically the best husband around. I need to actively thank him more because without him, I would be a hot mess.

RECENT PURCHASES Babyletto Crib from Serena & Lily YAY!!! We got our crib and put it together. Alot of you asked about it and we bought it from Serena & Lily because apparently it’s been sold out alot of other places online. It’s modern, and beautiful and I am in love.

LexyPexy Pretzel Teeth because baby toys, I just can’t help myself

Hooded sweater + Disney Pants from Zara Zara kids is a dangerous place. I ordered a couple things that are so freaking cute. You know how I feel about disney and I bought these little disney joggers… that I wish came in my size!

BABY PREPARATIONS Like I said above, we finally have our crib and it’s set up, and it’s glorious!!! We are in full swing designing our nursery with my dear friend Anne who is making sure Baby Boy has the coolest room around town! We are not focused on a theme per say. We are more focused on soft neutrals and creating a warm rich texture based space. Will share a sneak peek with you all soon.

I am also currently working on my West Coast Baby Shower with the lovely ladies of Beijos Events which is making me just so happy. Excited to celebrate with all my friends out here! I have been sharing a lot of the baby products and gifts coming in from my registry and others and started to share them to my highlights on my IG profile. I will be sharing a roundup of my registry must haves as it’s been a number question lately for all you mama’s to be out there planning your own registries. I have to say, making a registry is VERY overwhelming for a first time mom that literally has no idea what they are doing. It took me SO long to comb through research and decided on things. So will be excited to share what I learned with you all.

I need to start planning for my hospital bag, Blake’s and Lola’s. That is high priority now as I want to be sure I am prepared for the unexpected.

WHATS NEXT Hopefully it will be smooth sailing into the third trimester and as the clock starts to tick down, I am sure I will have a bigger update for you all on what I am planning, how I am feeling etc. That’s all for now! Leave me a comment with any more questions you might have. Happy to answer!

photos by Love and Water

The post PREGNANCY / WEEK 20 TO 28 appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

from Wellness http://www.eatsleepwear.com/2018/06/20/pregnancy-week-20-to-28/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[elizabethcariasa]

PREGNANCY / WEEK 20 TO 28

Excited to chat with you and share more pregnancy updates (and currently 29 weeks pregnant as I write this EEK!!!). Hope you enjoy these updates and if there is anything else you are dying to know, please leave me a comment on this blog post and I will be sure to include in my next update.

WEIGHT GAINED As of the start of week 28, I have gained 16 pounds.

HOW BIG IS BABY By week 28, Baby is the size of a large eggplant. A little over 2 lbs and about 14-15 inches.

BABY MOVEMENT This has been one of the most exciting things to happen during the second trimester. It started off as what felt like little gas bubbles popping in my stomach. I remember the first time I thought to myself, “OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BABY MOVING!!!!!!” And I put it in my calendar the first time that Blake felt a kick at 22 weeks! (Which was on April 23) It took me considerably longer to feel movement because of the position of my placenta. My placenta is both in the front and on top so doctor said it might take a touch longer for me to feel stronger movements. I am happy to report baby is dancing on the inside now and it’s such an incredible thing to finally be able to get that immediate knowledge that baby is inside doing well and able to actually kind of communicate with me that way. It’s also so special that Blake can feel the movement. It brings such a real element to the pregnancy that we have been waiting for till now!

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY Headaches/Migraines: I have continued to have migraines during this time but they have started to settle down. My doctor allows me to take excedrin migraine at the onset (since I can always tell when they are coming on) as well as I lay down, put on my eye mask, and lay an ice pack on my forehead. This usually REALLY helps and has allowed me to not be taken out for an entire day or two because of them. As I have gotten closer to week 28, I have not had one for quite some time. So fingers crossed this time has passed.

Hip + Tailbone Pain: I started to get really intense pains in my hips and tailbone making it even difficult to walk. The pain has come and go and my strategy is to continue doing a lot of the stretches I learn in my prenatal yoga class which seems to be helping. I also make sure to sleep with a pillow (or A LOT of bunched up comforter between my knees) to relieve some pressure and that seems to help as well.

Peeing my pants: I am still peeing my pants on the regular over here. TMI I know… but let’s be real. It happens. Now Blake thinks it’s funny to see if he can get me to laugh so hard that I pee myself… NAUGHTY HUSBAND. I continue to pack panty liners with me in every single purse for those… just in case scenarios. But at this point, I think I should prob pack a spare outfit in my car for a super serious accident. We also recently started taking a prepared child birth class at our hospital and while facing each other on a mat during breathing exercises, Blake and I were literally laughing so hard I peed myself in class. AWESOME. Maybe I should just wear an adult diaper to my next class. In all honestly, I think it’s great he can make me laugh like this.

Bye Bye Nausea, Hello Energy: The nausea is gone and I have to say I am feeling much more “normal” if that is a word for it. It’s incredible how much nausea can really drag you down in every way and it’s been amazing to be able to start to enjoy my pregnancy in new ways.

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY These weeks were right in the sweet spot for me. Because the physical symptoms started to subside, it’s like there was this huge breath of fresh air for me to breath in mentally. It’s easy to not love being pregnant when you feel like garbage 24/7 and I have to say, things started to get a little bit easier. I know I talked to you about not 100% LOVING being pregnant in my last update and I am happy to report that this chunk of time relieved some of that. While I still have this amazing respect for how difficult it is to go through pregnancy, it’s been a beautiful blessing to be able to fall in love a little bit more with my body, the process etc. Some days are harder and some are easier but being able to feel the baby, watch my body grow, it’s created this amazing little spark of love that I just can’t describe.

HIGH RISK DOCTOR APPTS So at our last scan, the anatomy scan, we saw a CPC (choroid plexus cyst) which had me FREAKING OUT. We went to our echocardiogram at the high risk doctor and quickly saw that the CPC was gone and that there was nothing to worry about. The heart all looked great as well. This was all amazing news. The doctor did however notice something going on with the placenta. He found what they call a “marginal cord insertion” where the umbilical cord inserts into the placenta within 2 cm’s from the outside of the placenta. There is also another type of cord insertion that is much more severe and worrisome but my doctor assured me that this was not that. Because they saw this, we now need to be monitored more frequently as the baby gets bigger to ensure he is growing on track and getting all the nutrients he needs from the placenta. We have been going every 4 weeks to monitor and everything has been looking good! At this point we just roll with the punches and know that is baby is growing, that is all that matters. And getting a little extra screen time with our little guy is never a bad thing.

GLUCOSE TEST At week 26, I headed to the doctors office for the dreaded Glucose test. The horror stories I heard… were endless. Let me tell you about my experience. It’s a fasting blood test so for a preggo that has nausea and needs to eat.. It’s not the most fun experience. But, considering my background in what I have done for this baby to date, I wasn’t really that worried about this test. I got there and was able to pick a glucose drink flavor that was refrigerated (which I think made it easier to drink) and I picked lemon lime. Like drinking a Sprite right? HA. They take 1 blood draw before you drink the beverage and then wait an hour, test again, and wait another hour and test again. I chugged water before the test so I would not be dehydrated which made the blood draws easier. Honestly, the experience wasn’t bad for me. I had my laptop with me and just kept myself busy working while I waited for each blood draw. All in all, it wasn’t my preferred activity but the experience wasn’t as bad as everyone made it out to be. Excited to tell you I PASSED!

WHAT I’M EATING My food preferences always seem to include some kind of dessert or sweets. Love having something on hand after dinner to get that little bit of a sweet tooth fix! We have been taking more frequent trips to grab ice cream and frozen yogurt and I am not mad about that! We also stock the freezer with ice pops, haagen daz bars, and yasso frozen yogurt bars (mint chip is my fav!) We cook a lot but I always love a good italian meal. Something about it comforts me. I also always have string cheese on hand as well a new favorite, Blue Diamond Honey Roasted almonds for when I want a sweet treat but also a little protein. Other than that, I pretty much am eating everything and have random cravings all the time where I tell Blake, “Hey you know what sounds good?? Strawberry shortcake.” Totally reasonable requests coming from me all the time. HA!

HOW I’M SLEEPING Sleep has been going ok. I have stopped taking the unisom for now as I have been sleeping through the night and don’t want to take things if I don’t really need them. If you remember, my doctor let me take unisom to help me with sleeping. I do toss and turn all night from side to side but generally that is how I usually sleep anyways. I have actually been sleeping without a body pillow. What I do is steal ALL of the comforter and bunch is between my knees and my feet since I move around so often. It’s working for me for now but I am sure that will change soon. I have my pillows handy for when I need them. I actually slept surprisingly well on our babymoon to Maui. Considering we were not in our own bed, I slept like a rock. Likely because of the time change and spending 8 hours a day in the sun.

EXERCISE I am still loving my prenatal yoga class every Friday and the stretches and practices I am learning are going to serve me well getting closer to Labor. I also still try to get to the gym when I can but after the babymoon, I have been more tired and getting to the gym less these days. I don’t force my body if I feel like I am too tired to go. I always listen to what my body needs. When I go, I still do the treadmill at an incline of 3 and speed of about 3.5 and then do some arm circuit machines. Thank goodness I have Blake who will keep me motivated and always ask if I want to join him at the gym. So when I feel up to it, I can go.

BODY IMAGE Last post I talked about body image and at this point in pregnancy I am feeling much more comfortable in my own skin. We headed to our babymoon around week 26 and I have to say, it’s the best I have felt my whole pregnancy. Maybe it was that sweet Hawaiian breeze… but it’s also likely because it was in the perfect sweet spot for my body and soul. My bump was finally loud and proud and something just clicked where I felt confident and beautiful. I spent my days in Hawaii in my bikinis with a smile plastered on my face, watching my baby boy move from the outside, and having literally the best time. Do I have cellulite? Hell yes. Are there things I might not love about my body? Of course. But you know what, there is way more love than anything else I have for my body at this part of the journey. Getting ready in the bathroom I would just start staring at my belly, thinking back about how much I dreamed of these days. To look into the mirror and stare back at a rounded growing belly. Every time I catch that reflection I take a minute to think about just how lucky we are.

BABYMOON If I can suggest one thing, take a babymoon. It doesn’t have to be a whole big vacation, it can even be just a weekend getaway. If you can make it happen, just slip away for the weekend with your significant other and take the time to indulge just the two of you. Have a nice meal, enjoy a sunset, anything. Looking back on our trip, I am so thankful we had the time to spend together and really just RELAX together. Without work or obligations getting in the way. Everyone LOVES to tell me how your life will forever change once that little love bug comes into our life but it’s really true that this time together just the two of us is so special. We scheduled a photoshoot with my dear friends of Love and Water to capture the moment and ended up with some incredible memories from our trip. For us, Maui is so special because we got married there 3 years ago and it was the start of our family of 2 (plus lola and the cats!). Being able to come back as a soon to be family of 3, was even more magical and I can’t wait to bring out little one to these exact same spots and create new memories in one of our favorite places.

CHALLENGES Hormonal meltdowns: The hormonal meltdowns are still real. ALL. THE. TIME. I really try to curb my unreasonable nature but at times it’s just impossible. So this continues to be one of those things throughout pregnancy that lingers but at this point, I think I (and Blake) are semi used to it by now.

WHAT I’M WEARING I recently did a post here sharing my babymoon wishlist and alot of things I wore while in Hawaii. I recently did a huge shopping haul before our trip and stocked up on alot of dresses. Honestly dresses are the easiest thing to wear and not feel constricted and it’s been so wonderful that is Summer and I can get away with doing that. It means that I can still buy non-maternity dresses to slip into as well. I have been lounging in this cute graphic tee, this little bit sexy cover up, and this dress that just makes me feel like a sexy, beautiful pregnant woman. I also picked up this bra that is not maternity and surprisingly cozy to wear under white tops and dresses for summer. I need to pick up another in black.

SELF LOVE Part of my self love routine has been scheduling time to get a mani pedi. Seems so simple but it’s always so fun to get to pamper yourself. I was able to enjoy an AMAZING prenatal massage on our babymoon and will likely schedule another massage in the coming month. Blake and I also continue to make time for date night every week. We either plan a new recipe we want to try together, or try a new restaurant to savour the time when we can just pick up on a whim. So important to focus on always strengthening our relationship and having fun along the way. Blake has been my rock and does SO much for me in general, and basically takes over cooking all the time so I can rest and he is basically the best husband around. I need to actively thank him more because without him, I would be a hot mess.

RECENT PURCHASES Babyletto Crib from Serena & Lily YAY!!! We got our crib and put it together. Alot of you asked about it and we bought it from Serena & Lily because apparently it’s been sold out alot of other places online. It’s modern, and beautiful and I am in love.

LexyPexy Pretzel Teeth because baby toys, I just can’t help myself

Hooded sweater + Disney Pants from Zara Zara kids is a dangerous place. I ordered a couple things that are so freaking cute. You know how I feel about disney and I bought these little disney joggers… that I wish came in my size!

BABY PREPARATIONS Like I said above, we finally have our crib and it’s set up, and it’s glorious!!! We are in full swing designing our nursery with my dear friend Anne who is making sure Baby Boy has the coolest room around town! We are not focused on a theme per say. We are more focused on soft neutrals and creating a warm rich texture based space. Will share a sneak peek with you all soon.

I am also currently working on my West Coast Baby Shower with the lovely ladies of Beijos Events which is making me just so happy. Excited to celebrate with all my friends out here! I have been sharing a lot of the baby products and gifts coming in from my registry and others and started to share them to my highlights on my IG profile. I will be sharing a roundup of my registry must haves as it’s been a number question lately for all you mama’s to be out there planning your own registries. I have to say, making a registry is VERY overwhelming for a first time mom that literally has no idea what they are doing. It took me SO long to comb through research and decided on things. So will be excited to share what I learned with you all.

I need to start planning for my hospital bag, Blake’s and Lola’s. That is high priority now as I want to be sure I am prepared for the unexpected.

WHATS NEXT Hopefully it will be smooth sailing into the third trimester and as the clock starts to tick down, I am sure I will have a bigger update for you all on what I am planning, how I am feeling etc. That’s all for now! Leave me a comment with any more questions you might have. Happy to answer!

photos by Love and Water

The post PREGNANCY / WEEK 20 TO 28 appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

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PREGNANCY / WEEK 20 TO 28

Excited to chat with you and share more pregnancy updates (and currently 29 weeks pregnant as I write this EEK!!!). Hope you enjoy these updates and if there is anything else you are dying to know, please leave me a comment on this blog post and I will be sure to include in my next update.

WEIGHT GAINED As of the start of week 28, I have gained 16 pounds.

HOW BIG IS BABY By week 28, Baby is the size of a large eggplant. A little over 2 lbs and about 14-15 inches.

BABY MOVEMENT This has been one of the most exciting things to happen during the second trimester. It started off as what felt like little gas bubbles popping in my stomach. I remember the first time I thought to myself, “OH MY GOD THAT IS THE BABY MOVING!!!!!!” And I put it in my calendar the first time that Blake felt a kick at 22 weeks! (Which was on April 23) It took me considerably longer to feel movement because of the position of my placenta. My placenta is both in the front and on top so doctor said it might take a touch longer for me to feel stronger movements. I am happy to report baby is dancing on the inside now and it’s such an incredible thing to finally be able to get that immediate knowledge that baby is inside doing well and able to actually kind of communicate with me that way. It’s also so special that Blake can feel the movement. It brings such a real element to the pregnancy that we have been waiting for till now!

HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLY Headaches/Migraines: I have continued to have migraines during this time but they have started to settle down. My doctor allows me to take excedrin migraine at the onset (since I can always tell when they are coming on) as well as I lay down, put on my eye mask, and lay an ice pack on my forehead. This usually REALLY helps and has allowed me to not be taken out for an entire day or two because of them. As I have gotten closer to week 28, I have not had one for quite some time. So fingers crossed this time has passed.

Hip + Tailbone Pain: I started to get really intense pains in my hips and tailbone making it even difficult to walk. The pain has come and go and my strategy is to continue doing a lot of the stretches I learn in my prenatal yoga class which seems to be helping. I also make sure to sleep with a pillow (or A LOT of bunched up comforter between my knees) to relieve some pressure and that seems to help as well.

Peeing my pants: I am still peeing my pants on the regular over here. TMI I know… but let’s be real. It happens. Now Blake thinks it’s funny to see if he can get me to laugh so hard that I pee myself… NAUGHTY HUSBAND. I continue to pack panty liners with me in every single purse for those… just in case scenarios. But at this point, I think I should prob pack a spare outfit in my car for a super serious accident. We also recently started taking a prepared child birth class at our hospital and while facing each other on a mat during breathing exercises, Blake and I were literally laughing so hard I peed myself in class. AWESOME. Maybe I should just wear an adult diaper to my next class. In all honestly, I think it’s great he can make me laugh like this.

Bye Bye Nausea, Hello Energy: The nausea is gone and I have to say I am feeling much more “normal” if that is a word for it. It’s incredible how much nausea can really drag you down in every way and it’s been amazing to be able to start to enjoy my pregnancy in new ways.

HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLY These weeks were right in the sweet spot for me. Because the physical symptoms started to subside, it’s like there was this huge breath of fresh air for me to breath in mentally. It’s easy to not love being pregnant when you feel like garbage 24/7 and I have to say, things started to get a little bit easier. I know I talked to you about not 100% LOVING being pregnant in my last update and I am happy to report that this chunk of time relieved some of that. While I still have this amazing respect for how difficult it is to go through pregnancy, it’s been a beautiful blessing to be able to fall in love a little bit more with my body, the process etc. Some days are harder and some are easier but being able to feel the baby, watch my body grow, it’s created this amazing little spark of love that I just can’t describe.

HIGH RISK DOCTOR APPTS So at our last scan, the anatomy scan, we saw a CPC (choroid plexus cyst) which had me FREAKING OUT. We went to our echocardiogram at the high risk doctor and quickly saw that the CPC was gone and that there was nothing to worry about. The heart all looked great as well. This was all amazing news. The doctor did however notice something going on with the placenta. He found what they call a “marginal cord insertion” where the umbilical cord inserts into the placenta within 2 cm’s from the outside of the placenta. There is also another type of cord insertion that is much more severe and worrisome but my doctor assured me that this was not that. Because they saw this, we now need to be monitored more frequently as the baby gets bigger to ensure he is growing on track and getting all the nutrients he needs from the placenta. We have been going every 4 weeks to monitor and everything has been looking good! At this point we just roll with the punches and know that is baby is growing, that is all that matters. And getting a little extra screen time with our little guy is never a bad thing.

GLUCOSE TEST At week 26, I headed to the doctors office for the dreaded Glucose test. The horror stories I heard… were endless. Let me tell you about my experience. It’s a fasting blood test so for a preggo that has nausea and needs to eat.. It’s not the most fun experience. But, considering my background in what I have done for this baby to date, I wasn’t really that worried about this test. I got there and was able to pick a glucose drink flavor that was refrigerated (which I think made it easier to drink) and I picked lemon lime. Like drinking a Sprite right? HA. They take 1 blood draw before you drink the beverage and then wait an hour, test again, and wait another hour and test again. I chugged water before the test so I would not be dehydrated which made the blood draws easier. Honestly, the experience wasn’t bad for me. I had my laptop with me and just kept myself busy working while I waited for each blood draw. All in all, it wasn’t my preferred activity but the experience wasn’t as bad as everyone made it out to be. Excited to tell you I PASSED!

WHAT I’M EATING My food preferences always seem to include some kind of dessert or sweets. Love having something on hand after dinner to get that little bit of a sweet tooth fix! We have been taking more frequent trips to grab ice cream and frozen yogurt and I am not mad about that! We also stock the freezer with ice pops, haagen daz bars, and yasso frozen yogurt bars (mint chip is my fav!) We cook a lot but I always love a good italian meal. Something about it comforts me. I also always have string cheese on hand as well a new favorite, Blue Diamond Honey Roasted almonds for when I want a sweet treat but also a little protein. Other than that, I pretty much am eating everything and have random cravings all the time where I tell Blake, “Hey you know what sounds good?? Strawberry shortcake.” Totally reasonable requests coming from me all the time. HA!

HOW I’M SLEEPING Sleep has been going ok. I have stopped taking the unisom for now as I have been sleeping through the night and don’t want to take things if I don’t really need them. If you remember, my doctor let me take unisom to help me with sleeping. I do toss and turn all night from side to side but generally that is how I usually sleep anyways. I have actually been sleeping without a body pillow. What I do is steal ALL of the comforter and bunch is between my knees and my feet since I move around so often. It’s working for me for now but I am sure that will change soon. I have my pillows handy for when I need them. I actually slept surprisingly well on our babymoon to Maui. Considering we were not in our own bed, I slept like a rock. Likely because of the time change and spending 8 hours a day in the sun.

EXERCISE I am still loving my prenatal yoga class every Friday and the stretches and practices I am learning are going to serve me well getting closer to Labor. I also still try to get to the gym when I can but after the babymoon, I have been more tired and getting to the gym less these days. I don’t force my body if I feel like I am too tired to go. I always listen to what my body needs. When I go, I still do the treadmill at an incline of 3 and speed of about 3.5 and then do some arm circuit machines. Thank goodness I have Blake who will keep me motivated and always ask if I want to join him at the gym. So when I feel up to it, I can go.

BODY IMAGE Last post I talked about body image and at this point in pregnancy I am feeling much more comfortable in my own skin. We headed to our babymoon around week 26 and I have to say, it’s the best I have felt my whole pregnancy. Maybe it was that sweet Hawaiian breeze… but it’s also likely because it was in the perfect sweet spot for my body and soul. My bump was finally loud and proud and something just clicked where I felt confident and beautiful. I spent my days in Hawaii in my bikinis with a smile plastered on my face, watching my baby boy move from the outside, and having literally the best time. Do I have cellulite? Hell yes. Are there things I might not love about my body? Of course. But you know what, there is way more love than anything else I have for my body at this part of the journey. Getting ready in the bathroom I would just start staring at my belly, thinking back about how much I dreamed of these days. To look into the mirror and stare back at a rounded growing belly. Every time I catch that reflection I take a minute to think about just how lucky we are.

BABYMOON If I can suggest one thing, take a babymoon. It doesn’t have to be a whole big vacation, it can even be just a weekend getaway. If you can make it happen, just slip away for the weekend with your significant other and take the time to indulge just the two of you. Have a nice meal, enjoy a sunset, anything. Looking back on our trip, I am so thankful we had the time to spend together and really just RELAX together. Without work or obligations getting in the way. Everyone LOVES to tell me how your life will forever change once that little love bug comes into our life but it’s really true that this time together just the two of us is so special. We scheduled a photoshoot with my dear friends of Love and Water to capture the moment and ended up with some incredible memories from our trip. For us, Maui is so special because we got married there 3 years ago and it was the start of our family of 2 (plus lola and the cats!). Being able to come back as a soon to be family of 3, was even more magical and I can’t wait to bring out little one to these exact same spots and create new memories in one of our favorite places.

CHALLENGES Hormonal meltdowns: The hormonal meltdowns are still real. ALL. THE. TIME. I really try to curb my unreasonable nature but at times it’s just impossible. So this continues to be one of those things throughout pregnancy that lingers but at this point, I think I (and Blake) are semi used to it by now.

WHAT I’M WEARING I recently did a post here sharing my babymoon wishlist and alot of things I wore while in Hawaii. I recently did a huge shopping haul before our trip and stocked up on alot of dresses. Honestly dresses are the easiest thing to wear and not feel constricted and it’s been so wonderful that is Summer and I can get away with doing that. It means that I can still buy non-maternity dresses to slip into as well. I have been lounging in this cute graphic tee, this little bit sexy cover up, and this dress that just makes me feel like a sexy, beautiful pregnant woman. I also picked up this bra that is not maternity and surprisingly cozy to wear under white tops and dresses for summer. I need to pick up another in black.

SELF LOVE Part of my self love routine has been scheduling time to get a mani pedi. Seems so simple but it’s always so fun to get to pamper yourself. I was able to enjoy an AMAZING prenatal massage on our babymoon and will likely schedule another massage in the coming month. Blake and I also continue to make time for date night every week. We either plan a new recipe we want to try together, or try a new restaurant to savour the time when we can just pick up on a whim. So important to focus on always strengthening our relationship and having fun along the way. Blake has been my rock and does SO much for me in general, and basically takes over cooking all the time so I can rest and he is basically the best husband around. I need to actively thank him more because without him, I would be a hot mess.

RECENT PURCHASES Babyletto Crib from Serena & Lily YAY!!! We got our crib and put it together. Alot of you asked about it and we bought it from Serena & Lily because apparently it’s been sold out alot of other places online. It’s modern, and beautiful and I am in love.

LexyPexy Pretzel Teeth because baby toys, I just can’t help myself

Hooded sweater + Disney Pants from Zara Zara kids is a dangerous place. I ordered a couple things that are so freaking cute. You know how I feel about disney and I bought these little disney joggers… that I wish came in my size!

BABY PREPARATIONS Like I said above, we finally have our crib and it’s set up, and it’s glorious!!! We are in full swing designing our nursery with my dear friend Anne who is making sure Baby Boy has the coolest room around town! We are not focused on a theme per say. We are more focused on soft neutrals and creating a warm rich texture based space. Will share a sneak peek with you all soon.

I am also currently working on my West Coast Baby Shower with the lovely ladies of Beijos Events which is making me just so happy. Excited to celebrate with all my friends out here! I have been sharing a lot of the baby products and gifts coming in from my registry and others and started to share them to my highlights on my IG profile. I will be sharing a roundup of my registry must haves as it’s been a number question lately for all you mama’s to be out there planning your own registries. I have to say, making a registry is VERY overwhelming for a first time mom that literally has no idea what they are doing. It took me SO long to comb through research and decided on things. So will be excited to share what I learned with you all.

I need to start planning for my hospital bag, Blake’s and Lola’s. That is high priority now as I want to be sure I am prepared for the unexpected.

WHATS NEXT Hopefully it will be smooth sailing into the third trimester and as the clock starts to tick down, I am sure I will have a bigger update for you all on what I am planning, how I am feeling etc. That’s all for now! Leave me a comment with any more questions you might have. Happy to answer!

photos by Love and Water

The post PREGNANCY / WEEK 20 TO 28 appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

from Wellness http://www.eatsleepwear.com/2018/06/20/pregnancy-week-20-to-28/ via http://www.rssmix.com/