#not this time though this time I ate 😒

[barvin0k]

BRELYNA 💕🌠💗💨🌺🐦🌷🫐 ft. pretty clouds 💖☁️

[lilirari]

🫧 basically just going on different kinds of dates with lando <3

💌 lando norris x fem! reader (social media au)

💭 author's note : i loved making this fr !! i was going to include some writing parts but.. i kinda got lazy 🧍‍♀️ if you guys want the writing part though, i'll work on it and post it. the part two to this + oscar's version is also in the works !

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 🧩 𖦹 ˚. ᵎᵎ lego date ! ⭑

instagram 🎥

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, pierregasly and 19,444,127 others

yourinstagram lego date with the loml ! he gave me that bouquet of lego flowers in the morning 🥹🤍 last pic is him trying to find that one missing lego piece.

view all 2,234,567 comments

landonorris pretty flowers for my pretty flower ♡

liked by yourinstagram

landonorris ok but did you take that piece 🤨

-> yourinstagram no oscar ate it

-> oscarpiastri i did what

-> landonorris oscar regurgitate my lego piece

-> oscarpiastri I DIDN'T EAT YOUR LEGO PIECE I WASN'T EVEN PRESENT DURING YOUR SILLY LITTLE DATE

charles_leclerc what a fun idea ! 🤍

carlossainz55 😍

lilymhe @/alex_albon where's my lego bouquet 😒

-> alex_albon you can make your own

-> lilymhe wtf

danielricciardo very cute

pierregasly je devrais en faire un pour kika 🥰

-> yourinstagram yes you should 🫡 she'd love it

oscarpiastri i'm surprised he has the attention span to build a whole lego bouquet

-> alex_albon right ???

-> landonorris STFU

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 🎡 𖦹 ˚. ᵎᵎ amusement park date ! ⭑

instagram 🎥

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, lnfour and 16,999,345 others

yourinstagram third-wheeled my boyfriend and his boy space friend today. i would've included the video i took of lan screaming while we were on the rollercoaster but i'll have mercy on your ears for the time being 😞

view all 1,999,889 comments

landonorris wdym boy space friend he's literally my boyfriend

-> yourinstagram ... wow ok didn't expect you to come out of the closet this soon 😦📸

-> landonorris sorry love, it's always been max 🫣🤞

-> maxfewtrell .. um yeah no y/n take him away i don't want him

landonorris baby, istg if you show anyone that video...

-> yourinstagram i promise i won't show it to anyone dw pookie 😘

lnfour 🫶🫶🫶

oscarpiastri send me that video of lando

-> yourinstagram i already did

-> oscarpiastri nice

-> landonorris ???

-> landonorris whatever happened to 'i promise i won't show it to anyone' ?

-> yourinstagram ... oops 😅

-> landonorris 😃

riabish aww wish i could've joined you today ☹️

carmenmmundt the cutest couple ! ❤️

alex_albon i desperately need that video

-> yourinstagram sent 🫡

-> landonorris Y/N !!!!

-> yourinstagram oops i gtg🏃‍♀️

quadrant our parents ! (and max)

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 🍣 𖦹 ˚. ᵎᵎ sushi date ! ⭑

instagram 🎥

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, yukitsunoda0511 and 17,888,645 others

yourinstagram hey guys i have some news... lando and i have recently separated ways because of the contrast in our interests. i wish him nothing but the worst and i hope all his christmas gifts will be fish related xx

view all 2,000,000 comments

landonorris STOP

landonorris all this because i won't eat sushi for you..

-> yourinstagram if you won't eat sushi for me i don't want you get away !!

-> landonorris ... if i eat One (1) sushi for you will you stop this madness

-> yourinstagram maybe.. maybe not ☺️

-> landonorris baby give me a definite answer

-> yourinstagram ok ok i'll stop if you eat one

-> landonorris .. fine i'm doing this only for you

-> yourinstagram hehe i love u

landonorris guys we're still together don't worry she's just spreading fake news like a LIAR

-> yourinstagram girl spelt backwards it's liar 🤭

carlossainz55 sushi... war flashbacks

-> yourinstagram CARLOS HELDPDHSHDHDH

-> yourinstagram " iT's nEaR a fiSh "

-> yourinstagram i got him to eat an actual sushi though i won

-> carlossainz55 damn you did the impossible it must be true love

yukitsunoda0511 please get back together i'll make fishless sushi for you lando please just get back with y/n 😭

-> yourinstagram OH YUKI NO WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY BROKE UP DON'T WORRY 🥹

-> yukitsunoda0511 oh ok that's good.. please don't worry me like this again

-> yourinstagram yessir i'm sorry 😞🫡

pierregasly not the two of you worrying yuki.. it's on sight 🔫

-> yourinstagram i'm not scared of a hon hon hon baguette frenchie

-> landonorris yeah what she said go water your baguettes or sumn pierre

-> pierregasly i take pride in being a french man you guys are just haters 😒

-> yourinstagram that we are 🫶

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ⛳ 𖦹 ˚. ᵎᵎ golf date ! ⭑

instagram 🎥

liked by landonorris, alex_albon, georgerussell63 and 20,349,444 others

yourinstagram once a third wheel, always a third wheel. i need someone to look at me the way carlos looks at my boyfriend 😞

ps the staff handed me that merc golf ball since they're sponsoring this golf course @/mclaren i promise i'm still loyal to you guys

view all 2,555,777 comments

landonorris i already look at you the way carlos looks at me 😞

landonorris baby i love you but was it really necessary to post that picture in the sixth slide 🥲

-> yourinstagram yes it was !! it's like a preview of spiderlando

-> landonorris you and your love for spider-man.. should we dress up as peter and gwen/mj the next halloween ?

-> yourinstagram OH MY GOD I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK !! a thousand times yes 🥹🥹

oscarpiastri the replies under lando's comment got me thinking y'all were getting married 🧍

-> yourinstagram i mean that'd be my reaction if he proposed to me anyways

-> landonorris marriage proposal coming up in a few years 😁

carlossainz55 i need someone to look at me the way i look at lando 😭

alex_albon what is he doing in that sixth slide...

-> landonorris that's how pro golfers play, you rookie

mercedesamgf1 you got great choice in golf courses and golf balls, y/n 🤭

mclaren please take y/n to a mclaren sponsored golf course next time @/landonorris ☺️

-> landonorris you got it boss

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 🧸 𖦹 ˚. ᵎᵎ babysitting date ! ⭑

instagram 🎥

liked by landonorris, savnorris, maxverstappen1 and 18,839,222 others

yourinstagram babysitting my nephew and little mila with uncle la-la ! feat baby lan (even after all these years, nothing's changed 🥹)

view all 2,123,444 comments

yourinstagram baby fever went off the charts today

-> danielricciardo when are you and lando going to have a baby 😁

-> landonorris we can make one now if you want, y/n 😏

-> yourinstagram LANDO !! 😭😭 but yeah i can't wait to get married and have children soon...

-> landonorris you'd be the bestest mum 🫶

-> danielricciardo can i be the cool uncle

-> yourinstagram ofc danny no one's as cool as you !!

-> danielricciardo great 😁😁

landonorris i'm the best babysitter in the world

landonorris where did you find that baby picture of me

-> yourinstagram your mum sent it to me 🥹 you were so cute back then

-> landonorris am i not cute now

-> yourinstagram no 🤍

-> landonorris i hate u

-> yourinstagram love u too xx

savnorris thanks for babysitting mila today ! she loves you both so much ! 🫶 (auntie y/n a little bit more 🤭)

-> yourinstagram aww, no need savvy !! i had so much fun babysitting mila she's the cutest :( please call me the next time you need a babysitter i genuinely love spending time with her <3

-> yourinstagram also in your face @/landonorris mila loves me more than u 😝

-> landonorris ... mila how could you betray your uncle la-la 🤭😞

alexandrasaintmleux the matching shoes ☹️❤️

yoursister life savers !! thanks for babysitting kai on such a short notice, sis & lando ! 🤍

-> landonorris anytime (soon to be) sister in law 🫡

oscarpiastri can lily and i babysit them with you guys the next time

-> yourinstagram ofc pastry <3

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ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 🛏️ 𖦹 ˚. ᵎᵎ nap date ! ⭑

instagram 🎥

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, mclaren, and 21,929,345 others

yourinstagram and it's all too much for little lando norris.

view all 3,222,127 comments

landonorris my girlfriend's hotter than all of you

-> yourinstagram my boyfriend's hotter than all of you

landonorris why do you have so many pictures of me sleeping..

-> yourinstagram because you're always falling asleep everywhere

-> landonorris fair point

landonorris come back to bed i wanna cuddle you

-> yourinstagram coming !! 🏃‍♀️

carlossainz55 😴❤️

charles_leclerc silly lando 😆

alex_albon is he really sleeping on the floor 😭

danielricciardo wake up babe new lando sleeping content just dropped

maxfewtrell god he's such a simp for you

oscarpiastri saving these for future purposes (blackmail)

-> landonorris wtf man

mclaren our favourite papaya couple 🧡

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© LILIRARI, 2023 ★

[johnnycakesswitch]

The most “boys will be boys” things the gang do

• Steve, Soda, Dally, and Darry stay walking around half naked, ESPECIALLY in the summer. Their shirts are never on. Soda’s jeans are unzipped half the time smh

• as much as they really really try, the Curtis boys are known for leaving their dirty laundry everywhere 😟 no matter how messy they can be though, Two-Bit’s room will always be exponentially worse

• one time Steve and Soda wanted to see who could eat the most chocolate cake so they each ate a whole half of a cake and threw up later

• Johnny do not be washing his clothes 😭😭😭 it’s rly not his fault but Darry will offer to wash up some of his stuff with Ponyboy’s and Johnny will be like “no thank you it’s not that bad 🙂” bros jean jacket probably carries the plague

• they literally don’t stop eating. It’s canon that the Curtis brothers all have big appetites, everyone else is just as bad. Most of their money goes to groceries bc they literally just eat and eat

• Ponyboy tries to lay in bed directly after track practice before showering bc he’s tired and Sodapop is appalled

• so so so many wrestling and football injuries. Pony’s always tripping and falling face first. Steve is a fucking pincher when they’re wrestling so Soda and Two-Bit always have little ass bruises on them from him 💀 during football Johnny is really good at slipping between people bc he can be pretty quick but one time he managed to take Steve down with him and they knocked their heads together

• Dally unfortunately enjoys driving around and yelling obscenities when he has Buck’s car. No one is off limits. He’ll trail behind Johnny and be like “ay what that mouth do” and Johnny just lets out the most defeated sigh

• Ponyboy and Curly were each other’s first kiss “for practice” and didn’t rly think much of it until they realized they’d only been kissing each other even tho they didn’t need practice anymore and never tried to get w anyone else 😭😭😭

• if Two-Bit sees any kind of animal worth catching in his mind like an armadillo or some shit he will indeed try to catch it and bring it to the Curtis house and Darry is just like if you don’t get that damn armadillo off my porch

Anyway I love these sillies even tho boys are gross 😒

[tac-the-unseen]

Slashers getting sick

Michael Myers:

• He's pissed

• How could his body do this to him??

• kinda betrayed ngl

• will refuse medicine

• He's to strong for that 😒

• also it tastes yucky

• your probably gonna have to make him tea with honey if you want to actually help

• coax him into bed with the promise of candy afterward

• that's about all he'll let you do

Billy loomis & Stu macher:

If only stu is sick:

• he will be super clingy

• wants to eat but physically can't

• might just lay in bed crying

• you and Billy sit with him and make sure he sleeps

If only Billy is sick:

• attempts to power through it

• ends up fainting

• you and stu are great care takers

• you two have to dog pile on Billy to make him lay down

If both are sick:

• They kind balance each other out

• Billy wants to get up and move, stu wants to lay down and cuddle

• thank God you have a more than one bathroom

• you have to hide stu's medicine in drinks

• you have to call Billy a chicken to get him to take it

• Both make sad noises until they get what they want

Thomas Hewitt:

• he doesn't get sick often but when he does...oh boy

• this is Texas heat, if any Hewitt is sick you have to but them in the basement

• it's the coldest place in the house

• even then he's gonna have to take off his shirt

• wants chicken and human noodle soup

• he really wants to go up and eat with the family

• it REALLY upsets him that he can't

• please go down stairs and eat with him

Bubba Sawyer:

• tired and sad and doesn't know why

• you have to be the one to figure out he's sick

• he feels weak

• when Bubba gets sick he goes into a depression

• sad babbles as he trys to explain that he has to provide for the family

• he goes to bed when you sternly tell him to go

• you freeze a towel and give it to him

• again he's in Texas

• holding his hand and telling him he'll be better soon helps him trough it

• forehead kisses are ideal for a sick Bubba

Bo Sinclair:

• " Bo you're sick"

• " No I'm not!"

• " go to bed!"

• "No!"

• * almost vomits*

• " ......fine..."

Vincent Sinclair:

• he is one of the only normal ones

• He knows his body's limits and takes care of himself

• He's very grateful that you want to help him

• all he wants you to do is bring him food and cuddle up to him

Lester Sinclair:

• he is the definition of male sickness

• he could cut off his arm and he'll just duct tape it back on

• but as soon as he has a cold he's dying

• looks like a lowly peasant boy asking for bread

• you have to wash him, help him to the bathroom, feed him, all that jazz

• he is forever grateful that he has you

• feels bad that you have to do all that for him though

Billy Lenz:

• if he sneezes he begs you to call in sick at work to take care of him

• "you're fine Billy"

• " No no no no Y/N my tummy hurts."

• " You ate 3 crayons"

Brahms Heelshire:

• cries

• begs for his mom

• He tackles you into cuddling

• he wants grilled cheese and tomato soup

• will fight you if you try and give him medicine

• just put it in the soup and he won't know

Hannibal Lecter:

• he refuses to let you take care of him

• "you'll end up getting sick too."

• Quarantine time

• he does everything himself

• appreciates that you want to help

• lays in bed and reads books

• will give YOU medicine so YOU do t get sick

Thanks for reading <3

You can soooo tell I wrote this two years ago. (P.S. That's why there isn't anything for Will Graham or The Lost Boys.)

[rumisgf]

SASSY MAN APOCALYPSE (MHA EDITION)

summary: exposing some of the mha boys for the sassy niggas that they are 😒👎🏽

warnings: cursing, this whole headcanon is unserious so do not take me seriously LMAO

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

yea let’s get this out the way.

this man has a serious attitude problem, he just loves to argue and, more importantly, he loves to be right

“i said i’m done talking to you!”

“well i’m NOT done, so what?”

“talk to the hand, then.” then literally does 😒🫸🏽 in real life

did y’all see him walking in those jeans? yeah he’s a bad bitch in disguise.

and over text he’s literally unbearable

“girl bye”

“bitch pls”

“and did. tf?” (i hate him)

“you mad you got ate tf up.” (OUUUUU I HATE-)

if you’ve got an attitude or anger problems, you ma’am have met your match

he will have YOU saying “watch your attitude”

DENKI KAMINARI

now he’s the opposite

he’s sassy in a sense that he’s more on the feminine side

which is completely okay, and attractive tbh

…..however,

“ooouuu i ate that!”

“bitch, bye.”

“okay girl!”

he’s so.

this man is a comedian just for the facts he says things like that out of full seriousness

he also likes being petty, it’s so fun

he’s very keen on pet names you call him so if you hit him w a “bru” “bro” or “dude”

he’ll hit you right back w “girly pop” and “sis”

if you’ve seen this tiktok, denki literally does this. like unironically. on multiple occasions.

KEIGO TAKAMI

he needs to go to hell. like fr.

says “girl, boo” religiously

though there are few, any argument you have is completely unserious

like he’ll smack his lips, rolls his eyes, dramatically throw back his head n sigh, allat

you cannot take him seriously at all, ever.

“mmcht, what are you talkin ‘bout???”

“oh okay… OH okay, yeah. 🙄”

“alright, pipe down now.”

as a pro hero i like to think he cares a lot about his appearance and he wants to look good at all times (even though he does already)

he’ll ask you if he’s “serving cunt”

do not respond.

this man gets his nails done, gets fresh cuts every two weeks, gets facials, the whole thing every time

like sir WHAT do you need all that for 😒 who are you trynna impress???

and he’ll post on his instagram story with a bunch of selfies and videos of himself

which you slide up on and call him “ugly ass bitch”

he needs to be humbled

“who you trynna look good for?”

“hush you mad i look better than you.”

“OH?”

© rumisgf

[dreamauri]

♪ — 𝗝𝗨𝗦𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗘𝗬𝗘𝗦 lando norris  x  co-worker! fem! reader (fluff) “. . . your co-worker and former classmate has a public crush on you, and you try to play it off. but who are you kidding? it's lando.”

( my master list | more of lando norris ) ( requests | taglist )

yn.ln posted on their story

liked by pieregasly charles_leclerc and 32.8k others ★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

yn.ln

liked by pieregasly charles_leclerc and 29.7k others yn.ln it's been a minute, lets recap.

landonorris Y/N WHAT ARE THESE??!! ↳ yn.ln my favourite parts of the year, duh

username this is GOLD! Lando's face in the third pic is a whole mood😆 ↳ yn.ln RIGHT?! that's his 'I just lost a bet' expression

landonorris when did you take that one in the hospital?? ↳ yn.ln you said and i quote "im looking very pretty right now. take a picture and hang it on my face." ↳ oscarpiastri i can see it ↳ yn.ln i can hear him saying "oscahh" in the corner ↳ landonorris . . . the block botton looks so good rn ↳ yn.ln do it i dare you. ↳ landonorris .... YOU DONT HAVE TO EMBARESS ME INFRONT OF THE INTERNET ↳ username 💀mom?

username lando pointing at the help me thingy pleas-

maxfewtrel send me the whole camera roll? ↳ yn.ln ya got it boss, that's 50 dollars ↳ landonorris ARE YOU MAKING MONEY OFF ME??

username THE LAST PICTURE!! WHY DIDN'T WE SEE THIS BEFORE??!! ↳ yn.ln sorry, i randomly found it in my camera roll, here it is now tho ↳ username god bless you y/n ↳ landonorris she cant be blessed cause she's a demon ↳ yn.ln 😇yet you're standing at my door holding a board game. ↳ landonorris STOP OUTING ME ↳ username god bless you y/n ↳ username god bless you y/n ↳ username god bless you y/n ↳ username god bless you y/n ↳ maxfewtrel LMAO

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

landonorris and yn.ln posted on their stories

seen by pierregasly, oscarpiastri, and 76.9K others

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

yn.ln and landonorris posted on their stories

seen by pierregasly, landonorris, and 67.9K others

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

landonorris

liked by pieregasly maxverstapen1 and 29.7k others landonorris got our first date!

yn.ln not a date <3 ↳ landonorris i do not see👍 ↳ username please date him y/n ↳ username pleaseeeeeeeeeee ↳ username please y/nn ↳ yn.ln nahhh

maxfewtrell it's not a date if i was there ↳ landonorris YOU WEREN'T EVEN INVITED MATE ↳ yn.ln i invited him😛 ↳ landonorris traitorrrr ↳ yn.ln you love me ↳ landonorris i do. very much. ↳ yn.ln ew. my eyes are burning ↳ maxfewtrell 🙄some simp ↳ yn.ln lando no-rizz haha ↳ username y/n called lando ew?🥲 ↳ landonorris STOP BULLYING ME, I HAVE FEELINGS ↳ maxfewtrell says you, you destroyed mine flirting with y/n right in front of me ↳ yn.ln should we get him tickets to flirting lesson for Christmas ↳ landonorris 😔💔

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

yn.ln

liked by pieregasly maxverstapen1 and 26.9k others yn.ln rain!!

landonorris no photo credits 🤨?? excuse me?? ↳ yn.ln laando

oscarpiastri keep your head inside the car ↳ yn.ln buzz kill 😒 ↳ maxverstappen1 he's right though ↳ yn.ln wont happen again, sir🫡 ↳ landonorris go away max🫠

username waiting for lando's weird ass girl energy comments

landonorris slay queen👑👑💗💗🥰

landonorris the one and only 💋 ↳ username oh my god lando ↳ username SOMOMW SCRENSHOT BEFORE Y/N KILLS HIM ↳ yn.ln make me cringe one more time. i dare you.

landonorris showed them how its done😍😍😍 ↳ username MY EYES? ARE THEY FR?? ↳ username YESS ITS REAL!! ↳ username my heart, hes so cutee

landonorris ate and left no crumbs💅 ↳ yn.ln make me cringe one more time. i dare you. ↳ landonorris ouch, my good vibes sending 🥲 ↳ username woman gave him an ultimatum ↳ username Y/N NO PLEASEEE I BEGG

landonorris ... you're very pretty ...??? ↳ landonorris DONT BLOCK ME IM SORRY ↳ yn.ln that was good for once. i'll take it ↳ landonorris 😁

landonorris very pretty <3↳ username i will seriously stop believing in love if they dont grow old together

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landonorris

liked by pieregasly oscarpistri and 26.9k others landonorris turns out, she really likes compliments!

yn.ln no, i actually like your eyes more ↳ landonorris im dreaming ↳ yn.ln i'll take it back then ↳ landonorris NO!

click to see more comments

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yn.ln

liked by pieregasly oscarpistri and 26.9k others yn.ln just the eyes

landonorris i feel appreciated ↳ yn.ln its a mr and ms norris genetics appreciation post ↳ landonorris i'll take it

username its official?

carlossianz55 i taught him the pick up lines ↳ yn.ln he needs more lessons please, im begging ↳ landonorris aw come on! i really tried this time!

click to see more comments

[badgyalshii]

WANNA TRY IT WITH ME?

word count: 3.1k?

warnings! smut, maybe some typos, oral (f) and missionary, overstimulation, some dirty talk.

pairing! only fans!timothee chalamet x (f) friend!reader (ALWAYS SAFE FOR POC + PLUS SIZE)

a/n: hereee goes my long awaited apology for the finale of its never over🙄 i hope you guys enjoy! two hands on the phone please😏 the “xxx” is a divider btw i just got lazy lmao TELL ME IF IT SERVES CUNTTTT (requests are open)

have you read the series? check it out!

like shii’s writing!? check out her masterlist for her future imagines/series! (that needs to be updated, come on shii wtf r u doing😒)

It was no secret that timothee owned a onlyfans, he didnt really talk about it though. He didnt want it to be the main conversation between him and his friends, he kept the subjects separated but he was very close with his fans. You said you would always support what he does and even registered for an account to follow him, he tried to fight it and block you from his page, but you said it wasnt really that big of a deal considering you would never open the app and just to let you love him, to which he sighed and let it go, but convsersations were awkward because in the back of his mind he didnt know and was wondering you ever watched his videos. It was only a side gig, but he wanted to focus on college and small acting.

One day, you decided to initiate the conversation with timmy while you both ate chinese. ¨i just felt like if i talked to you about it then it would be hard for you to separate me from being a normal sensitive person from being ya know….that¨ he explained, you shrugged. ¨i mean, i wouldnt look at you differently- not that ive watched but i know you, and how could i judge such a sweet person like you? The only thing that i would have questions about is, like, is it awkward? On camera? Im not even comfortable with myself so put myself on camera and do that-¨ ¨if you dont like yourself, trust their is someone to appreciates you like ten times more than you do on a good day. Theres no reason for you to feel like that¨ he said looking over before eating the rice with a fork. You let out a hum and things fell silent as you both watched a movie, but it was clear you both were thinking. ¨would- would you like…¨ he looked over at you, your eyebrows lifted as you looked at him, he seemed nervous as his cheeks were slowly turning rosy, he cleared his throat before finishing his question. ¨like try it?¨ he asked, ¨erm¨ you said before thinking to yourself, ¨maybe with someone i trust, could be fun¨ you smiled before asking for the rice, taking a forkfull bite off of the same utensil that timmy used. He shrugged, becoming more comfortable, seeing as you were rather chill about the situation, it was a joke to him, what he was about to say, but the tone that came out otherwise said different.

¨wanna try it with me?¨ your eyes widened in surprise, to which he laughed, ¨joking, im joking¨ he let out with a nervous chuckle leaving his lips, his face was visibly warm now, a big grin on his face trying to fight off the fact that he said that. You chewed and swallowed your rice carefully, not saying a word and looking at him while he looked at you, itching and waiting for your response. You shrugged, ¨fuck it¨ your stomach was doing flips, what were you saying? Are you fucking serious? You thought after you said that, your eyebrows high and a side smile on your lips. His mouth parted, ¨when-when would you wanna do it?¨ he asked, ¨its your page, shouldnt you make the rules?¨ you muttered, setting down the rice. ¨tommorow maybe?¨ he let out, watching you get up, you said yeah and said you had to use the bathroom.

When you made it to the bathroom you looked at yourself in the mirror before letting out a sigh and putting a hand on your face is disbelief, what had you singed yourself up for? Why were you just talking? Were you just talking? It was clear that you both were very attractive, so imagine what people think. Your shared friends already think you guys have something casual going on, so would they really be surprised if you both busted out with a cake saying ¨we did it! We fucked! (and recorded)¨? You bit your lip before running the water and washing your hands, before exiting out of the bathroom and sitting next to timothee again.

XXX

You both shyd away about the idea even if it was just the next day, but here we are. You sat ontop of timothees bed, fully clothed and your hair out of the way. You bit your lip, you were anxious, you didnt know how to feel about this, how would others take it? What if they didnt like you? What if you didnt like it. Timothee sat infront of you the entire time, telling you that it was okay if you didnt want to do it and reassuring you the entire time and double checking in with you. As nervous as you were, there was a small burst of excitement that jumped in your stomach.

He bit his lip, ¨you ready?¨ he asked, holding up the camera, about to record you. On the nightstand sat a white viberator, body oil, and lube just incase. He raised three fingers behind the camera, initiating a count down, he very soon pressed the record button, you saw the red small light from the camera flicker. A smile played on your lips from awkwardness but you tried your best to cover it up. ¨this is y/n. One of my closest friends who wanted to join us today¨ he chuckled, ëyes on the screen as he looked through the camera to see you. ¨but ill let her introduce herself¨ he finished, your eyes widened, you didnt know what to do. ¨im nervous¨ you let out with a pity smile and you both let out a laugh, ¨just get undressed while you introduce yourself¨ he let out a small grunt as he watched you immediately catch on and start pulling up your top.he bit his lip, he couldnt deny you looked fucking great, the way your breasts were laid pretty in that bra and how your hips sat with the hidden treasures just waiting to be touched. You watched as he slowly palmed himself and continued to record. You decided this was the right time to speak up.

¨my name is y/n, but timothee told you that¨ you laughed as you stripped your shirt off, muffled music played in the back but you both werent too focused on that, you wore a matching set for the circumstance, and when your bra was revealed he let out a muttered fuck and applied more pressure to his clothed cock. T̈his is my first time¨ you continued, looking over at the oil before reaching over, your ass in the air as you reached for it he let out a sigh, and watched as your back arched and when you came back at sat correctly, he lended his hand out, ¨i wanna do that¨ he said, and you complied, handing him the oil, he let out a small groan, he was as hard as a rock and youve barely even started, he had no shirt on but he had his grey sweatpants, he took the camera and set it up on its stand on the end of the bed.

When he looked back at you, you sat there innocently, you sat on the back of your calves, legs closed and looking up at him so lost, it turned him on that he could take control and lead you. He softly grabbed your neck and pulled you in for a slowly soft to passionate open mouth kiss, pulling your head towards himself before letting you go and moving behind you, his warm touch on your arms, following all the way up to your neck and you tilted your head back on his shoulder as he now kissed your neck and uncuffed your bra. ¨shittttt¨ he muttered, looking at your tits and taking them into his hands, to which they fit perfectly, your nipple between his first and middle finger, rolling them around as soft sighs of pleasure left your lips, he looked at you the entire time before applying a kiss to your cheek, then your lips. You closed your eyes and let him lead you, you felt like you were falling in his arms and allowed him to take you anywhere, you swore this is what you needed, you almost forgot the camera was even there. He put his hand on your waist before he reached for the oil and while he did that, you stripped yourself from your shorts, revealing your matching thong before getting back into pisition and you looked at the camera, thinking you should be more seductive, you looked at it and let out a moan as the warm oil hit your body, he rubbed it over your chest, your stomach, his touch was gentle the entire time, ¨can you bend over infront of the camera for me?¨ he asked gently, you looked at him and nodded, your ass was pointed to the camera and he moved behind you and to the side, his eyebrows raised as you arched as your already glistening cunt was soaking the thin material of the thong, he applied oil over your ass and rubbed it in before his hands crawled up to the sides of your thong, ¨is it okay if i pull this down?¨ he asked, you nodded and he looked at you before dropping your panties, he let out a sigh of satifacation and rubbed over your entrance, you let out a hum and arched your back further before he plunged a finger into your soaking wet cunt, your mouth dropped as he slowly fingered you, he watched as your walls tighten around his fingers, his mouth dropped and he couldnt wait to put his dick inside.

He lifted up your ass as he started to apply pressure and finger harder, your eyebrows furrowed as you looked back at him. ¨like that?¨ he asked as he continued to finger, you bit your lip and nodded your head, your hips moved back into his hand as a small smirk played on his face before he stripped his fingers away, you let out a whine, wanting him to keep going before he surprised you and applied his tongue to your clit, your mouth dropped, his tongue was circling and you let out a moan.

¨timmy” left your lips, fuck. Is this what you were missing out on? Your stomach has butterflies as you leaned back wanting more, he let out a chuckle against your lips in cockiness seeing as you were enjoying this. He shook his head against your pussy and you moaned his name again. ¨dont stop, make me cum timmy¨ he let out another hum against your pearl before pulling away with a pop. ¨make you cum? Want me to make you cum baby?¨ he asked, pumping his fingers.

You looked back at him and seen your juices covering his lips, you could finish just now, looking at his low eyes, looking at him made it seem like he was clouded with ecstasy. He licked his lips and you nodded, letting out a soft please. He kissed your ass before getting on his knees and pulsing into your pussy harder, your eyebrows furrow as you close your eyes, opened mouth gasps and a deep moan just rips away from your lips, fuck, you couldnt take it. And the way timothee looked at you didnt help, ¨shit¨ he muttered, taking his thumb and rubbing your pearl in complete circles. Your mouth hung low as your belly started to heat up, you could feel yourself about to explode. You let out a whine and he bit his lower lip, ¨look at me, look at me while i make you cum¨ he circled faster, you looked at him desperate, desperate to finish.

And suddenly you did, ¨timmy!¨ you let out, your eyes rolling and the way he tried to ride your high out was overstimulating for you so you jerked your body from his fingers, to which he laughed at. ¨shut up¨ you laughed, putting your heand in your hands as your stomach continued to burn from the release. ¨you okay?¨ he asked again, you nodded yes and it was okay and that you were ready for the next round, he smiled at you, and you smiled back, before something else caught your attention. He was clearly breathing heavier and as you shamelessly panned his body, and something else was clearly looking at you.

He didnt try to hide it, instead, he grabbed it while he looked at you, ¨missionary? Or?¨ he asked. You shrugged in return, you liked that he mentioned missionary first, “is that a good angle?” you asked, “any shot with you in it is a good angle, y/n” he said, stripping from his sweats and boxers before coming over to press a kiss on your lips. Once again, the kiss became heated, he leaded you to lay on your back while your lips were still together. He came down and laid firm on you, pressing up against your bare pussy. You held onto his curls as his soft lips were on yours, his tongue entered your mouth, shamelessly clashing against yours, your teeth. It was so hot, he pumped himself before pressing up against your entrance. He rubbed his dick messily against your clit, looking at you jutter under his touch, he kissed your head before he entered slowly, a soft sigh left your lips as you made eye contact with him, watching his eyebrows press together from the easy slip in, to the tight satisfying feeling of your pussy wrapped around his hard throbbing dick. He looked at you for approval, and you nodded.

“y/n, fuck you feel good” he muttered, his mouth opening as you opened your legs further, wanting more. A throaty moan left your mouth as you leaned up on your elbows to watch him fuck you, his dick hit your spot everytime and he only moved faster. “Timmy, keep going” you moaned, your head tilting back from the euphoria. He reached up and grabbed your tit, massaging it as he continued to let out moans, “fuck, like that? You like that?” he muttered, now focusing and putting his hands on both sides of your head. He rocked his hips thorough, his mouth agape and low groans ripping away as the headboard of the bed clashed against the wall time and time again.

“yes! mmph-“ you were cut off by how deep his dick was inside you and how your sensitive nipples tickled in his touch, the way he looked so focused and lost in the moment only made you more wet, you tilted your head back and let out a cry, he was hitting the same spot over again and fucking you harder, you felt your walls clench desperately and that only motivated him more. “timmy!” you whine, putting your hand on his stomach and closing your legs around him, the sound of skin on skin became more relevant as he didnt stop, “i got you” he let out in a breathy, low and seductive tone.

he slapped your hand out of the way before taking it and your other and placing them ontop of the pillow, holding your hands by the wrist as he came down and kissed your sweet spot, “oh my- mmm!” a high pitched hum broke and tried to hide your neck, this was all so overpowering and it felt so good, “where do you want me to cum, y/n” he whispered in your ear, “fuck!” he closed his eyes and his hips rutted slowly, still having powerful strokes, “inside” you let out, he looks up at you before letting out a laugh, “are you crazy? you’re gonna get pregnant- shit” the pleasure took over, canceling his sentence.

“i wont” you shook your head, fuck thats all you wanted, for him to fill you up, give himself to you fully. he looks at you and presses a kiss to your lips before letting out an okay, he takes one of his hands off of your wrists to come down and rub your clit, but it was difficult considering how wet you were. your body was overstimulated and tried to fight his hand off by moving your hips, but when you moved them it just made him go deeper, past your spot, you froze in that position, your body shocked as he hit a point you didnt know anyone could. “fuck! dont stop!” you scream in a whiney tone, keeping your hips where they were. “cum for me” he said, his jaw clenching as he looked at you with all seriousness, “take it, take it from me make me cum!” you cry, his hand moved faster against your clit and more rough groans left his lips, your mouth suddenly became agape and he looked at you, your eyes pouring into his as you came. “timmy, im, im cumming” your eyebrows furrowed, it felt like the world stopped, your body jerked and released all the knots in your stomach. he came down and you both shared and open mouthed sloppy kiss, he bit his lip and and looked down at you, fucked you harder and the bed creaking and the camera was so close to flipping over.

“mmm” his lips pursed together, fucking you faster now, “timmy!” you cried again, before his mouth dropped, a whiney moan left him lips “y/n, y/n, aw, fuckkk y/n” he said over and over again, feeling his seed shoot up in your stomach as he looked at you, both eyes were desperate for each other, so hazed in the stars. he let you go and your arms went under his, holding him as he let out “uhs” as he finished cumming inside you, and making sure you got all of it as he messily rutted his hips until failure. your back came off the matress as you accepted the cum shooting up your pussy as your chest uncontrollably heaves.

his head falls into the deep of your neck, still breathing heavy but applied kisses there. Once he catches his breath, he sits back up and pulls out, a curse leaving your lips as he grabbed the camera and pointed it at you, you looked at him behind the camera, he was still breathing heavy and he reached his hand to your lips, his thumb brushing over them before you took it into your mouth and sucked, a smirk and a small chuckle left his lips before he took out his thumb and traced it along your body, you were covered in sweat, your body glistening heavenly, or at least he thought so. the camera following, all the way down until he zoomed in on your fucked out area, seeinng the cum slowly leaking from your hole and your clit visibly swollen. he separates your folds from each other, “man i could really eat you out again” he joked.

[sanjisblackasswife]

i was wondering how would the monster trio react if they randomly got a boner and bro im SURE sanji’s cock twitches 47 times a day given the thoughts he constantly has 🙄🙄 zoro gets them while he sleeps so he waits for his dick to calm down before standing up,, people think he’s lazy but he’s just hard and doesn’t want anybody to know🤭🤭

luffy’s dick gets hard when he thinks about being the pirates king 😒😒

“𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝔻𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔾𝕖𝕥𝕤 ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕕 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠𝕞𝕝𝕪”

All are very canon cuz i seen it for myself.

Ft. Zoro, Luffy, Sanji

Blk Fem! Reader in Mind

CW: Dick talk, established relationships because i wanna project and include myself😓

Luffy

When he gets hard it’s really rare and i feel like it’s partially because of his rubbery body….does that even make sense

He gets hard from very few things and they’re always so minuscule or random its hard to know if he’s actually turned on or if his body is just trynna be funny.

You once made him a dessert that you really wanted to try without the assistance of sanji and when Luffy ate it he not only fell in love with you, but loved the sweet pastry so much you noticed a tent grow in his shorts

Very shameless in the morning by the way.

Every man gets morning wood at least once a lifetime and when Luffy gets it

everybody knows.

“LUFFY PUT THAT THING AWAY?!”

“Calm down, Nami it’ll go down in a sec..😄”

Has been heard by the guys a few times with him jacking off late night when his hard on is just so bothersome.

“GO DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE—“

“OR GO SEE Y/N!”

“Dont wanna. Shes too far. Im almost done dont worry.”

Usopp ends up pissed the entire day.

His boners can ironically go down quickly if he eats meat.

You swear his dick has a mind of it’s own, all you did was tell him about how much higher his bounty would get after defeating Kaido and his dick started poking you in the back.

Now he is still a guy and guys also can be attracted to women so you being his girlfriend—you’re not necessarily excluded.

However he gets hard at the simplest things you do.

Taking his hat, Calling him captain, even play fighting with him he ends up getting hard so hopefully youre a good gf and willing to help him out when it happens😁

Zoro

He claims he can control his erections .

No he cannot.

If he’s in a relationship with you he’s more shy about letting you know about his dick problems because you dont want him to think hes a pervert.

He can’t control a damn thing his dick does which is why he blames you.

“I had more balance before I met you—“

“Wh—HELLO?”

“LOOK. WOMAN.”

All you did was hug him.

When he gets morning wood he is usually laying around a little longer. He has tried jacking off while in the room with the guys as they slept but he heard Luffy sleep walking (with his own hard on) and immediately just went back to sleep.

He very rarely does get hard though. However you plan to find out every single thing that turns him hard and so far you only found 2:

The first one is kissing, hes a touch starved man and you can never help yourself when it comes to locking lips with him. Your tongue wrapped around his, your hands on his chest and straddling him as he gropes your ass, he’s so needy it’s almost too cute to handle. and the look on his face when you feel him poke you is absolutely EVERYTHING.

The one that shocked you the most was when youre arguing with him. He doesnt know why he gets turned on by how mad you get whether it’s at him or someone else but the blood flow of his dick is damn near on fire. Maybe it’s because you have an accent when you speak fast, maybe it’s because it’s a rare occurrence, or maybe zoro is a freak. But seeing you so pent up and pissed makes his pants tight

Zoro getting hard consist of him being irritable, quiet, and trying to isolate himself until he or you fix the issue

Sanji

He’s always half hard.

Wanna know something else, his blood fits he has (the ones that didnt turn into a fucking plot point) are representing each time he gets hard.

Anyways though, he masturbates regularly. If he’s not cooking or out with the crew he is in the bathroom helping himself.

His hard ons are easy to spot because he’ll hide himself behind a counter with blush on his face or stand behind you.

He is shameless with his hardons only when you’re around.

He can get hard just by seeing you smile so have fun with that.

But he gets incredibly hard(and even easier) after you both have had sex before

If you all are on the deck and you wanna wear another thin ass bikini of course he is going to get hard. Thinking about the things he’d do to you if you just gave him the green light.

Which is also why Sanji stares at you a lot.

So he will come behind you and bury his face in your shoulder or neck whining.

You don’t mind it. It’s cute to see him rut up behind your ass, his accent slipping through .

“May we..go to your room please?”

If you say yes he will walk SUPER close behind you trying to hide his painful erection, mumbling small praises and thanks for you being so understanding.

He’s so grateful for you :(

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : Instagram AU

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, karolg, yourbestiename, and 7,445,876 others

yourusername 📍 Away with my hubby. A much needed vacation for ourselves.

View all 1,200 comments

yourbestiename Enjoy ❤️ se lo merecen!!!!

yourusername Gracias beba hermosa 😘

claybornharlow Mom said if y’all don’t come back with baby number 3 then to not come back at all!!!!!!

jackharlow What do you think I’m doing??

yourusername LMAAAOOOO AYYY YOOO

urbanwyatt Who took these pictures???

druski not you unless you’re there with them? Since you’re always third wheeling with your divorced ass.

urbanwyatt WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS COMING FOR ME????

druski You’re an easy target 🎯

yourbestiename Dru, I will beat your ass! Leave my baby daddy alone!!!!

urbanwyatt 🤭 😇

•

Liked by neelamthadhani, nemoachida, 2forwoyne, quiiso, shloob, and 7,567,345 others

jackharlow As soon as we landed wifey had to get her matcha. If I didn’t know any better I’d say she loved that more than me 😅😒

View all 1,890 comments

yourusername I don’t know, matcha is like my one true love. Would never make me go hiking early in the morning. Would never get me mad, and would never forget to take out the trash!!!!!!

jackharlow Damn, matcha does all that for you? Since when???

yourusername 😒😒😒😒

yourbestiename You turned my girl from Cortez’s to New Balance 😭😭😭

jackharlow MY GIRL YOU MEAN!!!!!

jackharlow Don’t get it twisted, she still has her closet filled with Cortez and Jordans!!!!

•

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, yourbestiename, and 7,334,877 others

yourusername Throw the whole husband away. His ass made me go hiking on our vacation!!!! Now he wants to love up on me during dinner?????

View all 1,900 comments

yourbestiename NOOOOOO 😣 😭😭😭😒

yourusername He’s lucky I love him 😒

jackharlow Babe, you were complaining about being bloated and that you ate a lot.

yourusername IT DID NOT MEAN FOR YOU TO TAKE ME HIKING!!!!!!

jackharlow You weren’t complaining though???

yourbrothername She loves nature and all that shit so I bet she was enjoying herself.

yourusername You mind your business

jackharlow 😭😭😭😭 she really was enjoying herself though!!!!

urbanwyatt Damn, could never be me

druski Good thing because then she’ll be divorced with two demons spawns.

jackharlow Dru, I know you’re not calling my kids demon spawns? This is why Mia and Ezequiel terrorize you all the damn time!!!!

druski 🙄 they need to leave me alone!!!!! I’m scared, that’s why I don’t go over often. They have me checking my surroundings all the damn time!

yourusername Lmaoooo, my babies are innocent. You’re the one who’s always getting them riled up!!!!

yourbestiename Cassie said it’s what you deserve!!!!!!

•

yourusername added to their story

•

jackharlow added to their story

•

Liked by yourusername, urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, djdrama, yourbestiename, and 4,689,456 others

jackharlow Bring your kid to work day. Phocus is little man approved ✔️

View all 1,600 comments

yourusername 😍 My baby boy 🫶🏼

druski Did you bribe him?

jackharlow No???

druski So how do I know it’s approved by him?

jackharlow I’ll send you a video proof fucker!

druski Na, what if you bribed him with carrots and monster trucks?

jackharlow Get out of here 🤦🏼‍♂️

yourbestiename Drinking mine as we speak!!!! So good!!!!

druski How much did he pay you to say that? It’s just water!

urbanwyatt He don’t have to pay us shit, it’s that good!!!!

druski He definitely paid you!!!!!!

jackharlow Try it and then you can judge!

druski Send me some because no way in hell I’m paying $30 for some celebrity water!

claybornharlow This is why my niece called you broke and paid for your Disney trip.

jackharlow 😭😭😭😭😭😭

•

TAG LIST

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[moonisneveralone]

This fandom is simply annoying as hell. I can't describe it in any other way. And it's specifically that most of y'all have superiority complex and an addiction to be vindicated by internet randos with no care or wish to be vindicated on an interlectual level.

First of all there have been significant changes made to the source material. Important material changes. And it's quite frankly sad that most of y'all are so used to colorblind casting that you don't realize the significance of making a character black. It quite literally changes everything. And because most of y'all don't know anything about black history, culture, storytelling etc. and don't have black friends, y'all would have engage with that aspect of the series retroactively, but most of y'all don't want to do that. The story had to signigificantly change from the book, because Louis is not a slave owner, but black instead. And Lestat is not broke, but rich. The powerdynamic at the time of their meeting has completely changed, but y'all wanna keep ignoring that. Because that's work and there is no instant gratification from strangers online, so the black people who constantly post detailed analysis are wrong. Not you. Actually they're hysterical and so weak. They couldn't deal with what happens in the book. And you just wait flr season two. That'll show them.

And you aren't weak. You're strong because you're right. Right? They're gonna be so hysterical when they find out their little meow meow isn't all that innocent....but y'all are projecting. Cause y'all couldn't stand even the slightest criticism either.

Cause we watched the same series right? Louis almost ate his nephew, he accelerated a race riot, he turned a child to ease his guilt and then became a homebody, effectively doing nothing to help the black people he supposedly wanted to support. Everything about him screams conservative who is unfortunately a vampire, black and gay. If any of y'all knew anything about the black people in this fandom, you would know that.

Nobody has an issue with Louis being critcised. We criticise him all the time. Y'all just wanna absolve Lestat so bad it's making y'all look stupid as hell. I truely mean that. Louis isn't a perfect victim and neither is Claudia she's literally a serial killer. There are so many things that both of them have actually done, but somehow y'all only remember to mention that to salvage Lestats honor or something. Like you can't stand to have someone see him as anything but a perfect character who would never hurt someone he loves (physically). But black fans are weak though...wait till they find out though?

Right y'all were so strong and patient when episode five came out. I forgot 😒

[b-00-biez]

What's it like getting festive with the slashers🎄

Warning:none just pure fluff

Characters: Thomas hewitt, Bo sinclair, Lester Sinclair, Michael Myers, Brahms Heelshire

Thomas Hewitt

You for real know that their family celebrates thanksgiving and its Thomas' favorite

They all get together at one table and eat but this time it's with you 🥺💕

Yeah he has work and all but its a holiday give him a break Hoyt

YOU CANT CONVINCE ME THIS MAN DOES NOT WEAR A MATCHING SWEATER WITH YOU

Omg and he helps Luda Mae with the cooking and it's *chefs kiss*

He can't buy presents for you but he makes them just for you🥺

But like if you got married and had a kid. He would have a santa costume

Like those trends where parents plant evidence that santa is there

Big foot prints, Someone ate the milk and cookies etc.

ITS GOING TO BE THE CUTEST EVER

PROTECT HIM AT ALL COST

Bo Sinclair

Not really a festive guy so it's going to take a lot of convincing to get him to join in

#thegrinch😒

"Dress up as Mrs. Claus and maybe I'll join in on the fun🥴"

SMACK

Nu uh he needs to behave this christmas or else santa doesnt give him a present

Although he's not festive, he still supports his brother in celebrating it aka Lester

Like he would help him put christmas lights around the house, inflate santa claus and set more decorations up

You gave him a toy truck

A toy truck.

ITS THE CUTEST THING HE HAS EVER SEEN

Yeah he feels offended that you bought him a kid's toy but like you told him it reminded you of him.

He says he doesn't like it but you see the toy just sitting on his truck at the front.

But he gives you a red lingerie from Christmas😒✋ cant complain though it does enhances your body

Lester Sinclair

"ITS CHRISTMAS"

The Christmas enthusiast

He would clearly have the most colorful house around town

He is the one who plans fun activities on Christmas

OMG HE HAS THE BEST HOT COCOA EVER

Like my god it felt like heaven when you took a sip

AND HE DRESSES UP HIS DOG

Like a little elf outfit 🥺

He actually gives you something you like unlike Bo 😒

Like makeup? sure. A squishmello Certainly! ANYTHING

You gave him an Advent Calendar and he was squealing like a lil kid

"omg Y/n you gave me a present!"

He's such a bundle of joy honestly

He also helps Vincent cook

Yes He and Vincent know how to cook in this house

He bakes little sugar cookies with you to complement the hot cocoa he made

OMG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AAAAAAA

Michael Myers

he doesn't know why you want to celebrate a holiday like this

He cant kill people cause they're all together but does he give a shit no but its an inconvenient for him

If you persuade him until he gives in

He might join in

You have to do all the cooking sorry

This man doesnt like cooking a lot especially if it's just the two of you

PRESENTS OMG

He is the actual grinch

He steals presents and a fucking christmas tree qhen you asked him to buy one

No , hes not going to buy one its expensive😒

So now it's like a surprise since you dont know what you get from the presents he stole

It was mostly toys and some were a bit expensive but nonetheless you thanked your boyfriend for participating

HE REFUSES TO DECORATE THE OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE

Nu uh hes not going to put christmas lights

Inside is okay like lil ornaments around

But OUTSIDE?! No

His favorite activity in the holiday is just to cuddle with you beside the fireplace

Brahms Heelshire

Is excited for Christmas internally

He gets what he wants and sometimes it gets boring once you get it all

so most of the toys hehad growing up is either displayed in his room or somewhere else in the attic

He is happy when his mother was opening presents for him like a little kid

When he was a kid he would honestly stay up just to see santa claus but falls asleep

He forgot that innocent feeling once he got older

You told him they could make a snowman and honestly

Little by little you restored his childhood

Opening your presents was a fun thing for him

He probably gets another book or maybe just maybe he gets a cellphone or a PS5

Yes you want him to just be aware what is happening to the world outside of his manor

He sometimes sneaks a few orders on Amazon to get you a gift or

This little bastard gives you missing items that are yours!

He gave it back but once Christmas is over he is going to take it again

[24hlevi]

— faded

chainsaw man characters (denji, power, aki, makima, & reze) x gn!reader

summary: the csm characters as stoners

warnings: language, drug usage (marijuana), suggestive in aki's

this was an impulsive decision but i did it anyway while working on reqs so here

also one of power's hcs repeated idk why my phone hates me 🤷‍♂️

denji -

- would probably die the first time he smoked pot, no matter what he smoked it from he will most likely pass out and not wake up for a good few hours

- cannot figure out a pipe like at all he just can't seem to hold it the right way or how long he's supposed to hold his thumb and then inhale he just cannot do it

- his favorite method is probably a bong like power, the bigger the better for him, he probably threw up the first time though from accidentally hitting it too hard 💀

- denji is okay with joints or blunts, but if you ask him to light it he will say he's worried of burning his face off with a lighter that close (fair tbh) so you always have to do it unfortunately

- he is probably clingy when he's high like reze, except he just lays his whole body on top of you, mumbling out incoherent sentences you can't even understand which is mainly just him saying how he loves you

- denji also gets more jealous easily when he's high, if he sees anyone looking at you in the slightest way he will tell them to back off even if they aren't interested in you at all because he can't differentiate the two when he's high

- denji probably got SUPER paranoid the first time he smoked, thinking there was devils when it was just power or just overthinking everything possible

- he probably smokes with you every few days, not every day but quite often even if he does nothing to help contribute the costs like a fucking scavenger

power -

- does not understand the rules of smoking with others like ashing the blunt before passing it, hitting it twice, or anything it's honestly embarrassing

- does not understand the rules of smoking with others like ashing the blunt before passing it, hitting it twice, or anything it's honestly embarrassing

- she loves hotboxing in a car or just the bedroom, claims it gets her higher faster and it does honestly so she's not wrong 🤷‍♂️

- is obsessed with those gas masks she put one on once and convinced you to buy one somehow and now she is always using it

- power seems like a bong girl to me idk she probably just gets really big ones with pretty designs and most likely one that glows in the dark because she's like a child and gets super excited over being able to see it in the dark

- do not ask this woman to grind down the weed, the one and only time you asked she poured all the buds on the tray and just...smashed them with her hands instead of using the grinder, needless to say she wasn't allowed to smoke with you for two weeks

- power is already a menace, but when she's high it's even worse, she will try to fight everyone no matter the reason, and she yells a lot more, it's a surprise you don't have hearing loss yet with how she screams every word she speaks

- if you were to hand her a blunt with a flavored wrap she would probably hit it once and then just eat the whole thing and then throw up because she literally ate the entire blunt 😐

- power probably smokes a lot after she realizes the effects it has on people, though she's also a scavenger like denji she does nothing to help not even cleaning the bong water for you 😒

aki -

- aki already smokes cigarettes, so he's familiar with the concept of smoking, but smoking pot is a completely different way of smoking than cigarettes to him

- he most likely started out with a joint or blunt, seeing as it's the closest he can get to a cigarette without actual tobacco

- he most likely started out with a joint or blunt, seeing as it's the closest he can get to a cigarette without actual tobacco

- aki probably likes flavored wraps better then cones because he likes having a taste rather than straight weed flavor

- he hates bongs, hates them because he can never seem to take a small hit off one and his head always hurts super bad after taking one hit because he can't control it 😭

- aki is probably okay with pipes, probably the sherlock ones though and nothing with a design on it like a marvel logo or some shit, just a small one that has no design is good for him

- when aki is high he is way more chill and calm when it comes to denji and power and is definitely more comfortable with you, even going as far as leaving little marks on your neck to express he wants something but won't actually say it

- aki also does become more emotional when he's high, he doesn't know or understand why it just happens, he will tear up at certain affectionate actions or when watching a movie and he gets really embarrassed after

- he already smokes cigarettes a lot, so this would be no different pretty much, he probably has one of those cool cases that holds two joints in one that he carries around or mixes them with his cigarettes in the box

makima -

- a blunt girlie there is no doubt about it, she loves all the flavors you can get and actually has a few favorites she really enjoys

- will pay for all of the supplies whenever you need more or just want something new, don't bother trying to pay she will do it anyways

- makima knows how to do o's with the smoke even if it's harder she does it perfectly like 😵‍💫

- on occasion she will use a pipe, though, but she despises bongs and any other method, mainly because bong water gets nasty fast and she doesn't want to bother cleaning it all the time (same ngl)

- everything is super organized and looks like every little thing has it's own place on the tray, she doesn't like when the tray gets a bunch of useless shit on it like stems and roaches from joints she will literally clean the whole thing just to make it look pretty again

- makima does enjoy a edible every once in a while when she's traveling and can't smoke, she usually gets gummies because they hit her faster than normal edibles made by someone else

- she has a roach clip thats probably like iridescent or multicolored or some shit because she likes using that than possibly burning her fingers

- makima doesn't smoke a whole lot, mostly just on her days off and after work but never before work or a business event of some sort, even though she doesn't change much when she is high

reze -

- when i say reze is clingy as hell when she's high i mean literally so fucking clingy 😭 she will be attached to you the whole time, playing with your fingers completely zoning out of everything else

- she probably has a cute little jar she stores the weed in with hearts on it or some shit and her tray is probably some sort of purple galaxy with a lid to cover the contents

- she will smoke out of anything, she doesn't really have a preference she likes all methods of smoking really but she leans towards pipes

- reze is also 10x more emotional when she's high, she could see a puppy on a tv show and would start sobbing uncontrollably leaving you a confused mess trying to help her feel better

- like denji, when she is high enough she will just lay on top of you while hugging you tightly, playing with your hair while ranting about how much she loves you

- she most likely has a collection of custom lighters in a drawer in the bedroom, she specifically likes the old school zipper lighters, probably with cool designs on them like butterflies or something

- reze probably makes really good edibles idk she's the one most likely to know how to bake in my opinion so if you buy the supplies she will make some and it's usually cake so she can decorate it and make it look pretty

- she probably smokes the most out of everyone excluding aki like on a daily she would be high constantly if it weren't for her job, her off days are spent laying in bed smoking and sleeping the whole time which she gets far more cuddly than normal on those days

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (29)

*When the Tributes finally discussed the Mentorship Program after the Zoo Fiasco* Read [This] first.

Facet: Yesterday was kinda crazy.

Velvereen: Crazy?! Those Capitol losers were freaking hilarious!

Marcus: Says the one who didn’t need to clean up their Mentor’s mess.

Velvereen: To be fair, none of those four freaks were assigned to me.

Marcus: Well then, Velvet, I hope you get the worse one.

Velvereen: It’s Velve- Why am I even correcting you?! Your Mentor is a stupid drunk idiot!

Marcus: Ha! I pray your Mentor is an unhinged psycho who will feed you expired food.

Velvereen: You little sh-

Facet: Why are you two even fighting?! And why was that last part weirdly specific?!

Panlo: Yo, let’s trade Mentors!

Marcus: Does anybody want to take mine then?! I’m literally ready to sell his soul to anyone-

Lamina: But Marcus, your Mentor was clearly loaded with food and money.

Panlo: Yeah! You’re so lucky! Your Mentor was even generous to give me a second ham sandwich.

Brandy: Pablo, why didn’t you save me some?!

Panlo: For the last time, Brandy, my name is Pan-

Brandy: I don’t care!

Lucy Gray: And his boyfriend even gave me a rose! What a cute looking gentleman!🤭

Jessup: Are you sure about that, Lucy Gray?

Lucy Gray: What do you mean?

Jessup: Well, last time I checked, that Snow Angel was stupidly drunk and embarrassing himself in front of Treech.

Mizzen: He and his friends were also busy crying and hugging Reaper all the way here!😂

Reaper: Ughhh! Don’t remind me!

Coral: Lucky indeed. My half-naked Mender-

Teslee: Mentor.😀

Coral: *glares at Teslee* My stupid Mender only gave me this useless cheesecake coupon.

Brandy: What’s a coupon? Is it edible? Can I eat it?

Jessup: At least Vitamin Girl gave me these sparkly pills.

Panlo: Are you sure those things are safe to digest, 12?

Jessup: Don’t know. Don’t care.

Lucy Gray: They might as well taste like candy.

Facet: I just hope my Mentor is rich enough to feed me.

Teslee: Can we stop thinking about our Mentors for a moment? You’re all just making me nervous.

Lucy Gray: Don’t be so giddy, Teslee. We haven’t even met all of them.

Teslee: You’re just happy you already met your stupid Mentor! Plus he’s pretty!😫

Lucy Gray: And very much taken.

Velvereen: His super rich boyfriend is so clingy though.

Tanner: Well, I wish I had a super rich glucose guardian who would spoil me rotten too.

Facet: Same. But I want mine to take me shopping and buy me expensive jewelry.

Lucy Gray: Why the jewelry though?

Facet: Because I have standards.

Circ: Well, I just want someone as smart as me.

Jessup: Please stop. I don’t want to hear any of your fantasies while I’m still alive and breathing.

Reaper: Ugh!! Why did they even let a bunch of kids mentor another bunch of kids?!

Treech: Honestly, I couldn’t and wouldn’t care less.

Lucy Gray: Yup. Capitol people are weird.

Coral: Says the weirdest one.😒

Lucy Gray: Hey! Stop bullying Reaper!

Reaper: She’s not talking about me, Baird. She’s talking about you.

Lucy Gray: No, she ain’t!

Coral: Yes, I am!

Treech: Why are you guys even fighting? You should be more concerned about our dwindling food supplies.

Velvereen: Well, we could just save the cookies that Blondie and his rich boyfriend gave us for the next few days-

Mizzen: I already ate all of mine and Coral’s. So-

Coral: Mizzen, you little gremlin, how could you?!

Mizzen: They were delicious!

Coral: They were my evil Capitol cookies! Not yours!

Mizzen: Sharing is caring!

Coral: You never share, you evil gremlin!

Tanner: Well, I think the people in charge should at least feed us while we’re here.

Dill: *coughs* I think our Mentors will take care of that problem.

Hy: *coughs* I just hope my Mentor is rich enough to give me medicine.

Sheaf: I hope mine can steal me some Capitol sweets.

Brandy: I want to eat cake.

Panlo: Just don’t expect someone normal then. You might as well end up working with a Kleptomaniac who steals puppies for a living.

Reaper: Or a freaking Ravinstill.

Tanner: One of the President’s family members?! Never!

Dill: *coughs* Imagine working with a crazy Ravinstill.

Coral: Honestly, I would rather die of embarrassment if a stupid Ravinstill was assigned to me.

Dill: *coughs* Same.

Bobbin: I would literally take anyone else at that point. Heck! I would take one of those four drunks to be my Mentor.

Jessup: Shut up, Bobby! We get it already.🙄

Bobbin: It’s Bobbin!😠

Mizzen: No need to fight. Besides, we just have to wait and see by tomorrow.

Lucy Gray: Yeah! Let’s hope for the best!

Reaper: *is aggressively praying* Please, Panem, for once, I beg you to give me the normal one!😫🙏

Tanner: The normal one?

Reaper: And please don’t give me a Ravinstill! Give it to Dill for all I care!😭

Dill: *coughs* I heard that!😠

*Meanwhile, at the President’s Mansion*

Felix: *sneezes*🤧

Androcles: What’s wrong, Class Pres? You have been sneezing nonstop since late afternoon.

Felix: I came out to work on my essay today, but honestly, I’m feeling so attacked right now.

Androcles: That’s rough, buddy.

Felix: Wait- How did you get in here? And why are rolling in my freaking bed, Andie?!

Androcles: What do you mean? I always come here after school.

Felix: But I didn’t even invite you?

Androcles: You don’t need to invite me. I have your house keys.

Felix: You stole the Presidential House Keys?!

Androcles: You gave them to me.😀

Felix: I don’t remember giving you my- Andie, did you steal those Keys from the President of Panem?!

Androcles: Felix, my bestie, just accept the fact that we’re fundamentally married already!😘

Felix: We’re not even a couple-

Androcles: We have been bromantic boyfriends since the moment you won the class election.

Felix: Says who?!

Androcles: Says everyone but you, Class Pres~.😏

[aviradasa]

I got you 🖤 to make this authentic I smoked a fat ass blunt just for you anyways I did the characters you requested plus a few extra and I decided to do small HC/ drabbles cause I have to many imagines atm 🤣 anyways also I added nuada from hellboy 2 cause he's pookie all the way @horny4bj-blog

Characters included:

Hellboy (2004)

Prince nuada ( hellboy 2, 2008)

Daryl (Alexandria timeline)

Sam (supernatural)

Dean (supernatural)

Castiel (supernatural

Lucifer (supernatural)

Let's get startedddd

Different characters react to you stoned/couch-logged

Masterlist

Hellboy:

Honestly was not surprised when he walked into him room one day to it smelling entirely of weed. Honestly he was mostly impressed because not only did it smell. But when the door opened all that came out was smoke.

Like damn.

When he went to venture further he was also not surprised when he saw you sprawled out on the couch with like 6 cats laying on you.

You didnt register him calling your name until he threw a candybar at your face

This is pretty much how it went

“Hey???” “…” “Hellooo??” “…” “Hey!” “Ow fuck what do you want.” you say as you open the candy bar and take a bite

Honestly he doesn't really care but he expects you to share you weed with him. If you don't he will lowkey just take it without asking and deal with you later. (no he won't pay you back hes always magically broke when you ask him to 😒)

As for you being on the couch he tells you to move over. If you don't he moves you himself.

He finds it funny to mess with you when you get to the point when you think everything is in slow motion And your basically not registering anything the way your supposed to

Like one time yall played Uno. And you were at the point you couldn't even read the cards and you were slumped over leaning on the back of the couch like a corpse thinkin the number 6 was the funniest shit on earth

And what did he do.convinced you to give him your cards so he could read them to you.in your state you agreed. That prick (this is based off a true story i have a lot of these adafia if you see this. Fuck you I should have one that game 🖕)

Yeah naw i dont have much for him he's just an asshole who also smokes so he don't really care yall end up watching a lot of movies though.

Nuada:

Now he's interesting with this idea lmao

He's confused as fuck cause he don't really do shit that could alter his mind, he want to stay sharp and ready for anything (boring fuckaaaa)

He at first acts like a disappointed mother

“ now why would you go and do this to yourself knowing what we have to do.” “because I'm a whole ass adult and it makes it more fun.” “that's besides the point (name)” part of a real argument yall had at one point

Yeah like don't get me wrong he doesn't hate weed he just thinks it makes you act dumb

He's lowkey right though

But anyways back to the prompt. When he walks in and your just spaces out in your bed he just shakes his head and goes to do what he needs to do.

If you are logged somewhere is his way this man with nudge/kick you with his foot until you move and if you don't he will just use his foot to roll you out of the way.

He acts like he doesn't care and to be frank he doesn't have the energy to put into caring about something so dumb so he leaves you alone.

But then there was the one time that he accidentally ate an edible.

He took that shit like a champ though and was able to function decently, but for the most part he was just chillin just silently staring off into space

He says he would never do that again. But you decide not to say anything when you notice some of your edibles missing.

Bro thinks he's slick 🤣🤣

Sam:

Ok gonna be honest his brother is dean. Need I say more

He knows what to do he pulls up with the munchies and some red box movie

If your slumped on the couch this man will sit on the floor

Y'all can talk for hours even if he is sober

Or you pass out from him typing on the computer cause I mean that sound is just relaxing.

Honestly don't have much for him he's just a chill guy

Dean:

He don't walk in

He's slumped with you on the other side of the couch

He eats all the damn munchies

He refuses to watch anything besides old Scooby doo reruns.

(he has a crush on the hex girls)

He's literally just a grown up child when he's high (not much different then normal)

Yall are laughing high people

The jokes are hilarious

Cass

He walks in and sees you on the couch looking half dead and he's confused

Like really confused

“Are you ok?” “huh?” are you ok??” “HUH??” “nevermind.”

He doesn't know what to do so he does nothing 😭😭

If you ask he will get you snacks

He's kinda hard to talk to so if you are laughing its at him not knowing anything

(these are getting short cause of my beautiful bong so its not my fault blame daisy that's my bongs name.)

Lucifer:

Ok let be honest here

He's lucifer he's hilarious

If you wanna feel like your gonna suffocate from laughing then he's your guy

He doesn't even try to be funny he just says out of pocket shit.

All the time

I haven't seen much of his character yet but he's already a favorite

I don't think he would light up with you unless you peer pressure him

Yes you have to peer pressurethe damn devil to smoke the devils lettuce with you.

If yall do he just spaces in and out while your on your phone on that couch unmoving

But during this spacing in and out he just says weird shit

I dare you to show him the dark crystal afterwords tho just trust me.

Daryl:

This man could not give less of a fuck

He's used to seeing people on all sorts of shit so some weed don't scare him

He just goes about his day

He will sit and chat with you

He's a horrible high sitter tho

If you get to high he's your worst nightmare

Will throw fake spiders and shit at you knowing your on that couch to see you jump

He's lowkey funny tho 🤣

He might smoke with you once in awhile

It's rare tho he's more of a drinker

Anyways that's all for today hope you enjoyed dis shitz

Edit: sorry I sounded like a fuckin idiot here also sorry I forgot Crowley and carol 😭😭 I wrote for nuada took a break forgot it was nuada and gaslit myself into thinking I wrote for Crowley 🤣🤣

didnt mean to but its really late and I'm to lazy to write for them rn so I hope you enjoy what I got down please forgive me🖤🖤 also sorry nuadas there you didnt ask for him I was just living it up with daisy at that moment.

[your-sweetest-nightmares-blog]

I binged the entire show on YouTube the day it premiered and am now about to dump my thoughts about it on you all. Warning for spoilers below the cut, obviously.

• More focus on characterization! It’s funny and rather fitting that Duck is snooty AF. Love this high and mighty gremlin grandpa. He’s one of my favorite characters.

• The phone honestly sounded like she was trying to seduce Red Guy at first. I mean, I know that just being friendly to someone doesn’t mean you’re flirting with them, obviously, but her voice just gave me such an infatuated vibe for some reason.

• I thought Duck Guy was going to swallow the coin. He did not, in fact, swallow the coin.

• Everything Duck says is funny. “Attention freaks” and “they’re pretending they don’t respect me” are my favorite quotes of his so far.

• As a person who likes the sound of screaming, the screaming in this show is lovely.

• Speaking of screaming, Red Guy screams a bit in this show. 1.) I never thought I’d hear him scream and 2.) I think he happens to scream the perfect amount for someone in his situation.

• Duck’s coffin shenanigans were pretty funny. End of story.

• When you meet a business man, you must shake him by the hand! When you meet a family man, you must shake him by the hand! When you meet the choo-choo man, yoU MUST SHAKE HIM BY THE HA-! 🎶

• “There’s Four of Us” was even cuter than “There’s Three of Us”!

• The teacher cameos are nice. Crazy how the gang are so chill with them now, huh? Larry sounds different (maybe that’s his Sober Voice) and Steak Guy’s appearance genuinely startled me. No sketchbook, though. Wonder if we’ll see her again?

• ROY RETURNS AND WE HEAR HIM SPEAK. I don’t get why he ate the Freak Family, though.

• *When Duck Guy and Red Guy start fighting over who the dad is* Me: Ladies, please! You both can be the dad.

• Fr though, when Duck said he is the dad and Yellow is the pet, I deadass thought he was going to say that Red is the mum.

• Duck looks so fab in drag. ✨

• What’s with the Colin plant at the start of episode 4? Can Colin dispense seeds or computer chips that act as seeds or something?

• Colin said “I love you.” 🥰

• The gang fighting killed me. Yellow Guy really went at the other two with a CHAINSAW. Imagine being one of the teachers in the house when this was happening lmao. And I’m pretty sure Duck called either Yellow or Red a bastard as well.

• Also, is it just me, or are they generally much meaner to each other now? Maybe it’s because we didn’t get many interactions in the web series.

• In fact, how did they end up living together under one roof in the first place? They can’t even eat food together in peace.

• Let’s be honest here: Duck is probably going to do with that rock what he wanted to do to the Mayor’s prized bowling ball. “Private business”, ey? Also, my man is definitely down bad for that shredder.

• Those three legit drove a “corpse” through the wall and went on long ass ride with it. Would that be considered grand theft auto or kidnapping? Maybe both?

• Poor Red Guy. :( He just wants a happier life away from the teachers’ horrid lessons. :(

• The scene with the Time Child and Tony’s “They’re not here!” was pretty cool. What a time to leave the house, am I right?

• My least favorite teacher is Warren the worm/eagle. Sorry to those who like him, but the little motherfucker is insufferable in my (rat) eyes. He does need friends, though.

• “WHAT ABOUT MY SHREDDER?~” 🎶

• Come to think of it, all of Duck’s songs are straight fire. 🔥

• The whole “I like looking at you” scene was ✨Gay✨ and no one can tell me otherwise.

• Also, the “Why don’t you experiment on each other?” scene that came before that was sort of fruity as well. Duck Guy: 😏 “So, would you be keen-“ Red Guy: 😒🤚“You’re not to touch me.” I feel that most of the fandom slept on this moment.

• LESLEY!!! I wonder if she is aware of what Roy did?

• Something about this show gave me a sort of “off” feeling for some reason, but other than that, I enjoyed it. I hope we get another season.

[blackberrysummerblog]

WIP Wednesday

I’m back on my married-by-the-Crucible AU bullshit (LIES, I never left. Even the clothes-shopping snippet I posted for Six Sentence Sunday is from The WIP That Ate My Life). It’s coming along, though! And I’m going to tag people this time!

This scene is at a garden party reception that Baz’s parents throw to ‘celebrate’ 😒 his marriage to Simon, and for the happy couple to sign the Book. Baz has a brief conversation with his cousin on the patio that overlooks the party below. (Canon divergent details are that Baz was homeschooled after being bitten as a child, and Simon managed to give himself wings and a tail while at Watford, much earlier than happened in canon.) Hope you like it!

‘If it isn’t the old married man!” I’m caught off guard by someone thumping me on the back, which says heaps about my concentration today. It’s been a long time since anyone’s successfully crept up behind me, even with the amount of noise generated by the party.

“Dev.” My smile is genuine; Dev is my cousin and the same age as me, so he and his former schoolmate Niall are the closest I’ve had to real friends. He hugs me warmly, smelling of some expensive tobacco scented cologne—and underneath there’s a hint of good, clean, solid oak. (I always notice, even when I’m not trying.)

“Which one is yours?” Dev asks, waving toward the crowd below. The breeze is picking up a little, enough to carry music from the bottom of the lawn.

“You hadn’t heard I was paired with the Chosen One?” I ask, smirking. Dev went to Watford with Snow, at least for a little while; his parents sent him to boarding school in France to finish his education a few years back. Less plebby, don’t you know.

Dev winks at me. “’Course I have, but it’s been years since I saw Simon Snow. And isn’t he supposed to have wings and a tail still?”

“Temporarily spelled off for the occasion, at his request.” I search the crowd until I spot Snow, mugging for a young woman I dimly recognize as Penelope Bunce. She’s smiling politely as he holds his hands palm-up on either side of his face and hops from foot to foot—magic only knows what he’s miming, but he looks a complete fool. And completely happy, carefree in a way I haven’t seen enough of. “There,” I say, pointing at him. “That numpty over there.”

Dev follows my gesture and gives a low whistle. “He’s filled out nicely,” he comments. “I remember him being something of a ragbag, but he looks—Crowley below, look at you, Baz.” I break away from staring at Snow to glance askance at Dev. “You’re utterly smitten.” He shakes his head wonderingly. “Lovestruck.”

“I’m no such thing.” (I am. It’s a miracle Simon Snow’s name hasn’t tattooed itself across my forehead from the sheer force of my obsession with him.)

A sly grin moves across Dev’s face, one I know better than to trust. “So,” he wheedles, edging in, “How’s the sex?”

“We’re not discussing that,” I say shortly, looking back at Snow. He’s absolutely glowing.

Dev relents. “It’s just that...I’d wondered if the Crucible choosing the perfect partner meant that it was...you know, staggering.”

Certainly a word for it, yes. Still staring at Snow, I give Dev a little shrug. “I should think the Crucible would match people according to whatever characteristics are most important to them.”

“Sex for me, then,” Dev predictably replies. He folds his arms over the railing and bumps my shoulder with a companionable air. “You know, I went to school with Wellbelove, as well. Her father’s a magickal doctor, he could probably have those wings and the rest off in a blink. Make travel a bit easier—Snow was a bloody menace in the school’s minibus on field trips.”

The image of Snow haplessly trying to crowd into a minibus with his schoolmates, annoying everyone in the process, mitigates my urge to push Dev into the hedges beneath us for his suggestion. Poor Simon, scruffy and obtrusive. He’s deserved so much more than he was given.

But he has me now. “I don’t mind the wings. Excuse me,” I say to Dev, turning toward the steps.

“Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“I know.” I flash Dev a hurried smile. He’s my cousin, after all. “I just remembered something. Catch up in a bit?”

He nods, so I fling myself down the steps and into the crowd, making my way toward Simon with as few stops for polite greetings as possible. (It takes an age. A literal age). “Snow. I—excuse me, hello, Penelope. Lovely to see you,” I manage, barely remembering my manners as I take hold of Snow’s arm. “It’s the appetizers. There’s a bit of a problem.”

“What!” Simon exclaims, looking horrified, at the same moment that Bunce retorts, “Caterer’s problem though, isn’t it?”

“They need our input. We’ll just be a moment,” I say, trying to convey urgency without physically yanking Snow off his feet. I hardly need to, though, since I’ve said the one thing guaranteed to get him moving—if he knew which direction to head in, he’d be the one dragging me.

He’s prattling on as I hustle him into the mudroom at the side of the house and lock the door. “Baz, what is it? It’s not the stuffed mushrooms, is it? Or the tattie scones? Merlin, did they burn the pastry cups?!”

Rolling my eyes, I push him up against a bank of coat cupboards. He’s delusional if he thinks my parents are serving tattie scones, Crowley. “There’s nothing wrong with any of the food, Snow,” I murmur against his ear, inhaling the rich, fatty scent of browning butter that is just Simon, beneath his soap, beneath even his magic.

He turns his head and laughs when I nuzzle his neck—he always does—then slides his fingers through my hair as I kiss along his jawline. “Baz.” Pushing at my chest, Simon looks up at me with wide eyes. “We don’t have time for this. Don’t the caterers need us?”

Tagging @raenestee @thewholelemon @captain-aralias @ileadacharmedlife @cutestkilla @ionlydrinkhotwater @dazed-squid @artsyunderstudy and anyone else who would like to share!