#not the dad joke rAUru

[redraccoondog]

Robin (who is of course my mother-in-law in Stardew Valley) was my secret gift giver for the Feast of the Winter Star this year and this absolute legend of a pixelated MIL gifted me 25 hardwood. I literally laughed out loud. Like how on-brand for her, she knows there isn't time to play. The two of us carry this town 😒

[redraccoondog]

As someone who accidentally made a popular post about Rhoam's "shitty parenting" -- even though it was far moreso a lighthearted joke about Rauru being a straight-up dad -- I feel compelled to add-on here because Rhoam's situation in this story does represent two incredibly important real-life lessons:

1. You don't know what you don't know.

2. You have no way of fully knowing what you would actually do in a situation, until you are in said situation yourself.

Because of how easy it is to forget this, we will all be villianized unfairly at some point in our lives, by others or even ourselves. This more or less highlights the importance of giving people "the benefit of the doubt", and by extension, wasting less of your emotional energy reacting to the things you see/read at face value.

Here is the primary example from my own life:

More than a decade ago, I was helping pull DNA samples from unidentified human remains in a morgue whose jurisdiction included America's most violent city at the time. This task included full, partial and potential human remains, frozen and dating as far back as 1997. The keyword here being "potential".

One of the cases included a black trash bag that had been found in the middle of a street and reported/collected for potentially including a human torso. You would think that between myself (a baby professional), and two different types of best-of-the-best professionals, we would be able to tell one way or the other from sight alone if there was any portion of human remains in this bag. But we just could not. Any way we looked at it or considered the possibilities, the consensus of the group was just "maybe?"

As someone who is professionally trained in the field of identifying human remains, that situation sounds insane. As someone who was actually there, it was insane - but not because anyone in the room was incompetent or ignorant or mal-intentioned. It just was an insane situation, and as it turns out, insane situations are far more common and disorienting than you will ever want to accept, no matter how often you experience them first-hand.

All this to say - when in doubt, don't be a dick. To yourself or to others. There should never have been the potential for a body to be in that bag in the first place.

It’s a common interpretation of King Rhoam that he was abusive toward Princess Zelda. In many ways, this makes sense. He’s openly cruel to her in one of the cutscenes, and it’s clear that he’s pressured her into undergoing physically demanding religious rituals that seem to have no efficacy.

Still, I don’t think Rhoam is a bad person. He’s remarkably kind during his encounters with Link on the Great Plateau, and the diary he keeps hidden in his study in the Hyrule Castle library reveals that he was deeply concerned about Zelda’s wellbeing. Link’s memories reveal that the king gave his daughter a surprising amount of breathing room, allowing her to spend as much time away from the castle as she wished as long as it didn’t interfere with her duties.

I feel that Rhoam was doing the best he could in an extremely difficult situation. In the cutscene in which he’s cruel to Zelda, he informs her that people have been calling her a failure. This isn’t unfair, as most people in the kingdom wouldn’t understand that Ganon is an immediate threat, and everyone would more than likely resent the expense of excavating and reactivating the Divine Beasts and Guardians.

Rhoam understands how serious the situation is, however, and he understands that the fight against Ganon won’t be an ordinary war. If you knew that almost every single person in your kingdom would die, wouldn’t you do everything you could to ensure that didn’t happen? And could you really say that the pressure of political turmoil in the face of looming disaster wouldn’t affect you emotionally?

I’m not saying that child abuse is okay, obviously. These are fictional characters in a fantastic situation. Rather, what I want to say is that I can’t help but feel sympathy for Rhoam, who clearly made mistakes but was doing the best he could to protect both his kingdom and his daughter’s happiness, and I don’t think he deserves the hate he gets.

[thezoraprince]

BotW/TotK men as dads

i have baby fever that won't go away

anyway, here's a... something

enjoy <3

Link

oh it’s gonna be wild

most rambunctious child (including Rivan’s)

sweet and caring

but overall, CHAOTIC

will teach his child literally everything he knows

not many words are spoken, but there’s so much love

sign language is a big thing for sure

hugs galore

will defend his child as if his life depended on it

Sidon (i have so many for Sidon, so only adding a little bit here)

so confident

yet so scared

lots of learning

gentle

the love in the household is UNREAL

takes his kid everywhere Mipha took him

the fun is never ending

Bazz

so much unlearning

scared he’s not giving his child enough attention

wants to spend all of his time with them

think’s he’s not good enough of a father

doesn’t know how to have deep; meaningful conversations

doesn’t want to be like his own father

loves and cares SO deeply

once he gets past all the heavy stuff, he’s the best dad a kid could have

Rivan

already a dad, and a good one at that

literally so on top of his game

others cannot compare

takes his kid to work and shows them how cool everyone is

“Bazz is a little on edge because you’re here, but we won’t worry about that.”

the fun dad

Dunma babysits sometimes to give Rivan a break

but he ends up not going anywhere because he loves his little family THAT much

silly af

an actual dilf

perfect father

100000/10

Ledo

so gentle

so kind

will literally gift his kid rocks that look cool

teaches them everything Dento taught him

would probably ask Dento to babysit

has the most well behaved child out of anyone on this list

another apprentice in the making

would hand-make his child toys

Revali

asshole stepdad energy to start with

lots of unlearning

lots of re-learning

scared shitless

once he eventually realizes his actions have consequences, he’ll own up to his mistakes

ends up being a cool dad

“don’t talk to me or my son ever again” energy

takes his child to the flight range everyday

“You’re the best, and don’t forget it.”

Teba

already a dad, and a cool one

Tulin is such a good brother (but man is he a little shit sometimes)

the kids would go to the flight range and Teba would let them go by themselves

not like he has a village to run or anything…

a little more strict than the others on this list, but it’s out of love and safety

trusts Tulin to take care of his younger sibling

goes with both of them to the flight range once every two weeks to watch what they’ve been working on

wants the best for his kids

but doesn’t want to get in the way of their fun

Daruk

a cool dad

wise

also fun

would be the one to take his child to the skatepark

Goron City better watch out, because these two are fly af

funny dad jokes

would call his kid ‘kiddo’ unironically

“kiddo goro”

Yunobo

i cannot see this one as a dad

more like the distant uncle

but he’d be so sweet

and so caring

so afraid he’d fuck up

needs constant reassurance

gentle af

takes things too personally

Tauro

THE cool dad

dilf energy for sure

would take his kid to research the Zonai ruins

and he’d probably end up losing them 30% of the time

don’t worry, they know where they are

uses his research and findings for teaching his child

these two would be the most knowledgable people in Hyrule 

Rauru

the wise one

and SO chill

and helpful af

only takes part in chaos if it’s the fun kind

will shut down ANY ‘funny business’

defends his child with his life

together they pick flowers for Sonia

the love is unmatched

and the surprises are never ending 

[tashacee]

I am ENDLESSLY entertained by the idea of Rauru messing with Wild just for the funsies of it, especially if he totally plans on clearing things up but they leave suddenly before that conversation can happen.

Also, how do you think the Chain would react to the whole “father-son reunion” scene? I feel like Wind would question why Rauru can talk but Link can’t and the others are like “Wind you can’t just ask people why they can’t talk.”

I also love to think Sonia would TOTALLY go along with it (I feel like she would be even more of a prankster than Rauru tbh) and be like “Thank you all for looking after my sweet boy and keeping him safe,” while Wild is dying of embarrassment and signing PROFUSELY at her and Rauru but they’re purposely ignoring him to pinch Time and Twilight’s cheeks and ruffle Hyrule’s hair.

When Wind asks, Rauru just ruffles Wild's hair (Wild wants the floor to swallow him up) and says that Wild is half Hylian, what do they expect?

(This makes absolutely no sense, but they're all far too polite to say anything)

Still, the Chain find they whole thing adorable and are so excited to meet Wild's 'family'. Rauru, for his part, absolutely dotes on Wild and the Chain in turn. His dad energy is off the charts.

He thinks Sonia might save him but no, she's just as bad, making up all sorts of embarrassing 'childhood stories'. That said, he also gets to see his 'childhood bedroom' and it's got a really comfy bed, so he's not complaining.

(At first wind also questions why he keeps getting lost in his own home, but Twi scolds him for asking such a thing when he knows Wild has memory problems)

Alas, the Chain do not realise that they are also now fair game for Chaos Mum and Dad. Time and Twi's cheeks are relentlessly pinched. Legend is subjected to constant dad jokes and puns. Hyrule's hair is ruffled so hard it's a permanent mess

ugh i love these guys

[koko2unite]

Hi!! im the OP of the rauru ganondorf meme you reblogged, and im sorry to tell you but this is a joke i made up while coping with all the things i dont like about the game (i thought that them having been together would both be funny and make it all make more sense .. and a certain armor set then led me to that joke .. lets be real here, nintendo would never do something like that ;O;)

u right tho everything will be great if theyre together, gay dads always makes things better :D

[redraccoondog]

If you would like to see more examples, or have any interest, just dm me ^^

[archaictunic]

now that i've finished!!! i have THOUGHTS i'm just rambling don't mind me. this is the abridged version of this post because i initially had 12 different points and lost most of my thoughts when i accidentally hit ctrl+z :3 SPOILERS FOR TOTK PLEASE DON'T CLICK IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED.

first. i am ignoring that link got his arm back. i understand why it does that, but i am not keeping nor acknowledging that bit of information - not for a while, at least. the gloom can be gone. ganon can be destroyed. rauru still had to REPLACE LINK'S ARM ENTIRELY. unless his weird ghost arm just… slid on top of link's existing one like a glove. but thats SILLY. i like the cool dragon arm. i want link to start growing out his nails on his other hand and get them done in hateno or something and continue to have cool little claws.

second. i want to write up a page or something somewhere detailing my opinion on Ships. like… i didn't ship zelink really UNTIL botw/totk, and even then, it is purely because of my partner and i talking about/developing some stuff with them. and the more i think on sidlink or even link/mipha the more the zora age starts to make me Question things?? and then obviously, despite my personal adoration for revali, he and link would NOT get along super well , especially romantically? ( at the very least, NOT my link, not without some MAJOR work on both sides ) idk. link ships in-universe are hard lmao give me crossovers or something where i'm not working off the burden of canon (this is only mostly a joke) - also urbosa is a lesbian, and daruk is more like a dad. this is hard. riju is ............ viable i guess but i dont know they also don't feel super romantic. yunobo is his hype man not his boyfriend.

third. the ganon fight was SO fun. i absolutely adored the very end of it; and it felt way more involved than the big pig from botw?? so like even though, essentially, those final phases were the same sort of type of gameplay (very hard to lose, honestly) it was STILL super fucking fun i had such a good time exploding his pustules. how many times now has link stabbed ganon in the forehead.

fourth. other than the arm, i'm excited because the ending really didn't step on the toes of ANY of my vague thoughts for development so far?? like i will still be able to take my link in EXACTLY the direction i was hoping to!! where he KNOWS what responsibility rests on him; and he's quiet because of the burden, but also like… he doesn't know WHY he's the hero. why ganon is the villain. he knows ganon did evil things, he knows he's supposed to hate the man for … well, everything, but he sort of sits on a weird little line where he hates him, but also doesn't understand why he should feel anything at all about him? the hatred is a requirement. he has to hate the calamity. the demon king. even if he's never really met him. even if he doesn't know anything about how they got here. he just. HAS to hate him.

fifth. i am thinking about link's scars. not that he canonly has ANY. but i really want to look over the events of these games, and my own personal playthroughs, and find a few scars to really give him more character. i think that scars can be something SO important. something that can have such a heavy story behind it. like… i'm never gonna forget my first lynel battle, for example. idk i really need to draw him a WHOLE reference i'mj ust fufuckcing tired. might also make an art sideblog for that when it comes to it because i fear my content getting notes.

sixth. i want to chew on every character in this game like a stimmy squeaky toy

[redraccoondog]

My first (albeit rushed) attempt at making a light dragon using a sea serpent resin mold. I did not expect gold foil to resist all logical attempts at manipulation but it still turned out pretty close to The Vision. Lil Pancake for scale.

[echoesofwisdomcountup]

Let's be real here, Link would love those puns. He'd get along so well with Rauru because he'd be making hand jokes too during the tutorial. I refuse to believe Link doesn't adore puns and dad jokes.

Anyway, Link jumped for other reasons. Don't worry Rauru.

a handy way to start a speedrun

[thebigdeepcheatsy]

Here’s an ancient fanfic I’ve been saving on my iPhone for years!

Flick's Revenge

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Guess Even Love Has it's Problems

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun slowly crawled up the pale blue sky. The last star vanished with no trace. Flowers took their time opening, sending spurts of bright colour scattered across Hyrule Field. It was ten years after Link's adventure in Termina. A sharp whinny filled the air. Link gently kicked Epona in the sides, holding loosely on to the reins. "Thats great, Epona! 'K, how 'bout a trot?" Tightenig his grip and shortening the reins, Link grabbed the neck-band and kicked Epona sharply.

They raced through the trees, branches and leaves smacking Link's face. It made it difficult but Link somehow managed to rise up and down with Epona. As he sped across a wooden bridge, sharp hooves clacking, Link vaguely saw a figure with a shock of green hair as they sped into a canter. Link stopped at the end, and tied up Epona. Then he reached his destination: Kokiri Village.

Saria ran straight for him. Laughing, Link swung her high into the air, whirling her around. Then he tickled her in all her ticklish spots. Saria flicked a green strand into Link's eye.

"Take that!"

"Oooh come here!!" They spent all morning playing, and at 5 to 12 the Kokiri gathered around him, begging him to stay. Link laughed, patting a girl on the head. "Nah sorry, kids. I'm having lunch with someone." They were immensely disappointed, but Link faithfully promised to visit soon, and they cheered up. Link pulled out the Ocarina of Time, and played the Requiem of Spirit.

"Link! Hi! You arrived by ocarina, I see!"

"Hey Nabooru!" Link smiled as he drew nearer her.

"Hey--I got a table set up in that room there. I'll just be a mo putting starters on, 'K." As she left, Link thought once more about how beautiful she was. So fiery. So independent. Link loved her sooo much. As she returned, Link desperately tried to NOT cry out: "I love you!!" but he failed. The Spirit Temple was silent. The usual soft music hummed quietly in the background, and Nabooru just stood, and stared. Then Link dumbly held out his arms. Nabooru giggled uneasily, like laughing at a joke made up by someone with a poor sense of humour. She walked towards him slowly, arms out. She looked a lot like Frankenstein and that kind of worried Link but his love for her was too great, to be afraid.

They dumbly hugged each other. Then Link gazed into her yellow eyes, and touched her lips softy with his own. They finished all three courses in silence, but when Link arrived at Lon Lon Ranch to get some eggs, he leapt up with joy as he told Malon. "...It was just sooo wonderful! She's like...like...heck, she's as pretty as Zelda!"

"Despite her nose." spat Malon acidly, who loved Link more than anything else.

"Ah her nose! The centre of ALL her beauty!"

'YUCK!' thought Malon. But to Link she said: "Really? You have an ODD way of looking at things, Link..." Malon fluttered her eyelashes at him, hoping to catch his attention of HER beauty, but he was babbling on SO much about his dear, sweet, GORGEOUS Nabooru, that she decided to ruin their relationship, but how?

~5 Months Later~

Nabooru squeezed Rauru's hand. Rauru patted her gently on the shoulder, as he led her up the aisle. The Requiem of Spirit was being sung by the monks, who usually sang the Song of Time. Link stared at Nabooru. She was wearing a pure white veil over her mouth, and her long, red hair hung loose. She was wearing a skanty white top with a triforce embroidered on the top. Her trousers were slightly different, they were a little slimmer, with a triforce sewn onto the seat of them. She wore golden shoes instead, and her belt was a PURE huge rupee. She was wearing her usual white gloves and heavy jewellery.

Link's mouth hung open. She looked AMAZING!! Link looked pretty good, too. White tunic and cap. With gold silk hose and shirt. His belt was highly polished brown leather with a gold triforce buckle. And, lastly, his boots were bright red (again with gold triforce buckles) and his gauntlets were the Golden Gauntlets.

Nabooru smiled shyly. The wedding was wonderful. But Malon sat, in her black mourning clothes, glaring all the way through. After the wedding, Nabooru took Link to Gerudo Fortress, his new home. They entered Room 500, Nabooru's 'flat'. It had a bedroom, a kitchen/Dining room, and a bathroom. Link nodded at all Nabooru's stolen riches, though most of it was passed down through her family lines, and she had promised not to steal anymore. "Breakfast is served at 8:00--9:00. If you miss it, theres a perfectly good kitchen here." Link nodded and grinned, and they got into bed...

"Link, I keep getting sick in the morning!". Link looked up from cooking lunch.

"What should we do, Nab?"

"Call the docter! Quick, for godesses sake!!" Link nodded and sped out the door, down the stairs, and rushed into the docter's room. Rita--the docter--looked up and smiled. "Yes, sir?"

"Rita! *splutter* Oh Rita--Come QUICK! *Gasp* It..it's *Pant* Nabby!" Rita grinned from ear to ear.

"Uh-huh? 'K, let's see our leader. hmm...I wonder...?"

Link had to wait outside while Rita inspected Nabooru. It was AGONY. The waiting was, anyway. Rita's grin was even WIDER when she came out. "Link--your wife wants to give you the good news, I think." Link entered, sweating slightly, heart pounding. He smiled shakily. "Y...yes, love?"

"Link, how would you like to be a father?"

"A...a father? Uh, yeah! I'd love to! Those sweet li'l Kokiri--they're sooo brill!"

"Well, congrats, Link--'cause I'm pregnant!"

"Really? Wow. That's great, Nab!"

~9 Months Later~

"Rita! Rita, Nabooru's water broke!!"

"Really? Let's go!!"

Nabooru went into labour about half past four, and the baby came out quarter past nine AM. When it was finally over, Link gazed at his baby. She was just like a gerudo--except for three things. 1. Pointed ears. 2. Blue eyes. And 3. Link's nose.

"What'll we call her?"

"Saloolu."

Malon now knew that she could NEVER have Link, and Talon was bugging her to marry.

"C'mon Mal, I wan' ya t'be safe, hon."

"So?"

"So ah'm yer father an' ya gotta obey me."

"Tough."

But eventually she married a young man named Tirong. And soon they had a son named Mirong. In time Saloolu and Mirong grew up. Saloolu was 21, and Mirong was a year younger. One sunny day Saloolu was walking with her parents (who, like Malon, were in their early forties, and were still quite active. They met Mirong, and immediately the two young adults fell in love. Nabooru winked at Link and they left Saloolu with Mirong. "See ya, Salli!" they called. "He'll be a nice friend for you!"

"Hi..." Blushed Saloolu. She wasn't that used to men outside her family, being a gerudo.

"Hey..." said Mirong.

"So..."

"Princess of the gerudos, eh?"

"Kinda."

"I'm Mirong."

"I..."

"Saloolu?"

"Ummm...yeah."

"MIRONG!!" called a new, sharp female voice. They turned around. There was Malon, hands on hips.

"Hi, mum! Hey--this girl is--"

"A no good gerudo!!"

"Hey, she's p...part Hylian...too.."

"Get to the ranch--NOW! And you." Malon turned to the startled Saloolu. "Shoo! And if I see you NEAR Mirong..." She left the rest unsaid.

Mirong stared sadly at the night sky. Grounded. The moon and stars seemed to smile at him. EVERYTHING reminded him of Saloolu. Especially Saloolu, standing below his window...SALOOLU????!!!!???? He looked down. There she was, beckoning him with a long, painted nail. He nodded, and climbed down. When he reached her, they hugged. "S...sorry about my...mum."

"It's OK."

"Still...I'm sorry."

"Y...y'know...I've been kissed by mum on the forehead by mum, and on the cheek by dad...but..."

"S...same with my parents..."

"I...I've never..."

"Not my first...my first...

"PROPER kiss..."

"We could..." Mirong looked at her...They pursed their lips...Slowly they pressed them together...They stood there together for a minute or two, before breaking away...

"Thanks, Mirong..." They joined hands and walked down to lake Hylia. The night sky was reflected in the clear, glassy lake. Special night flowers--Feldas--started to open. The flowers were pink, purple or blue. Princess Zelda's favourite colours. Mirong picked a blue one, and gave it to Saloolu. Saloolu smiled at him, staring at the starry night. Suddenly a hand fell on her shoulder. Startled, Saloolu looked up. There was Malon, glowering at her. She shoved poor Saloolu into the lake, snatching her Felda. She then grabbed Mirong, and gave him a sound beating. Both verbally and physically. Saloolu thrashed wildly in the water. She was about to give up when a strong man in a Zora tunic lifted her into his arms.

"Dad..." Nabooru worriedly wrapped a red blanket around her. Rita came running forward, saying something. Everything was so hazy...

"...she's...she's DEAD!"

"Link, don't worry. I'm a PROFFESONAL docter! See, listen to her breathing."

"Rita...she's r...right Link..."

"Hey, you're worried too!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"D...da...dad...m...mum..."

"Saloolu!"

"She's safe! Oh Link she's SAFE!!"

"See, fine. Goodbye."

"P...please don't argue..." Saloolu was close to tears.

"Hey, shush, darling. You're OK."

"What happened?"

"W...well..." Link frowned as he listened.

"I knew it..."

"Knew what, Link?"

"Nabooru--she hates us and our daughter. She's JEALOUS of you!"

"Oh my..." Suddenly a fire arrow flew into the room. Saloolu stared. The place was alight!

"Nabooru--get Salli outta here! The chamber of Sages! I'll get the gerudo kids out. The nursery maids'll help me. And the gerudo's will stop the fire. GO!" crying, Nabooru took Saloolu to the chamber of sages.

All the sages were there--Zelda on the triforce symbol. "Nabooru--Malon's gone mad!" Zelda said. "Her love has become hatred and she'll do ANYTHING to kill everyone who likes you and your family!!"

"She's already killed Link--my son" sobbed Darunia.

"And my dad!" cried Ruto. "Along with half the Zoras. Me and some others only just escaped!"

"She set Kokiri village alight." whimpered Saria.

"And gerudo fortress." said Saloolu.

"And part of Hyrule castle market town." sighed Impa.

"And..." began Zelda gravely "she opened the evil realm." The chamber was silent. Saria whimpered.

"Daddy'll have t'kill Ganondorf again."

"That won't be easy..."

"Then I'LL do it!" Everyone stared, astonished. Zelda smiled.

"In a dream I saw you and Mirong sealing Malon and Ganondorf in the evil realm. I'll get Mirong and Link." When they appeared, Zelda explained.

"Are...are you sure?"

"Yes Mirong."

"Then I'll do it."

Malon and Ganondorf were cackling, sending Lighting bolts hurtling towards Lake Hylia.

"Hold it, mum!!"

"Mirong!"

"We're here to stop you!" said Saloolu coldly.

"AHAHAHAHAHAAA! Hey Malon, let's teach 'em a lesson, yeah?"

"'K. SUMMON KOUME AND KOTAKE!!"

The witches appeared, circling around Saloolu and Mirong's heads. The two gripped thier swords, thrashing the women and deflecting their attacks. They combined, 'excellent' thought Saloolu 'easier to pick off!!' That was certainly true! Then Ganondorf created a giant Red Chu-chu! They'd never seen one before, and they hacked helplessly at the pink goo. Then Mirong had an idea. He hacked through the disgusting gunge, and reached the heart. He equipped the Biggoron's sword, and slashed away at it. The chu-chu exploded. Disgusting! Then Ganondorf became Ganon and morphed with Malon!!

"What on Hyrule!!" It sent radioactive Lon Lon milk at them! The battle was awful! Their weapons did NOTHING!! Then Saloolu realized what she had to do. She had taken the Golden Gauntlets. So she put them on, grabbed a chunk of the ranch wall, said a prayer to bless it and...WHAM!

"NOW!!" boomed Mirong, and the sages sealed the two in the evil realm with a big explosion. It was beautiful. Saloolu smiled weakly. The people who died couldn't be raised, but all the damage was repaired. The sages and Lonk matierialized. Mirong was bent over Saloolu's body. She wasn't breathing. Slowly, with tears in his eyes, he bent down and kissed her lips. A great hole in the sky appeared and sent down a red light, a blue one and a green one. It filled Mirong, who passed some on to Saloolu, raising her!! They hugged, and a fortnight later, they married! And had twins. Sirong and Taloolu.

One night Mirong was gazing at the stars, and he sighed. "I guess even love has it's problems..."

~The End~

[redraccoondog]

[redraccoondog]

[golvio]

Like…I lost patience with “evil solely because evil” characters with Undertale because it had two characters who were outright mean, cruel, and otherwise cut off from their own empathy. But they were still presented with sympathy and compassion through the fact that their mindset and their actions were the result of a very clear series of events + how those events interacted with very specific types of people (as well as how things could’ve turned out differently if it weren’t for certain other factors). Even Chara, who likely started off with very little inborn emotional empathy, was also only a child who had suffered something unimaginable during their life on the surface, and who even in death was capable of developing cognitive empathy and changing for the better, and deserved to be laid peacefully to rest.

But it also does so without necessarily softening these characters into cute, cuddly, marketable mascot versions of themselves. It doesn’t deny the harm their actions or their mindsets cause. In fact, it makes things a lot more interesting, because anybody in the underground could be dangerous and could pass that “point of no return” where they hurt someone in a way that can’t be walked back from—even Comforting Goat Mom Toriel or Funny Shounen Friend Undyne or Goofy Dad Joke Gardener Asgore. At least two of these characters’ arcs, Alphys and Asgore, are about people who’ve crossed that metaphorical line and are desperately trying to come back from that. And, really, how you perceive these characters is based on which parts of themselves and their pasts you perceive first, or in which order, and how subjective and fickle our interpretations of these characters and our judgments of whether they deserve to live really are.

Like…the Battery Theory would’ve made so much sense! We have the backstory with the Sheikah and the Royal Family in BotW! There are potential parallels between Link and Zelda being put through the parentification wringer as Chosen Ones, Riju’s own struggle with the impossible expectations put on her so young by the political system she was born into, and what Ganondorf himself might’ve lived through as implied by certain throwaway lines of dialogue in Cadence of Hyrule about him not being “impressive enough” as a literal child prodigy baby! And then there’s the Depths, the possibility that monsterkind existed before Rauru settled the land and froze their natural cycle of resurrection, the fact that Hurule owned superweapons it used to deter invaders that were capable of wreaking so much destruction upon their own people…

Ganondorf coming from a place where he felt totally powerless and at the mercy of the whims of others makes sense. His viciousness would’ve made sense. His desire to set things up so his targets “transgress” in a way that vindicates his cruelty to himself in classic wicked witch/Ereshkigal Queen of the Underworld fashion would’ve made sense. Him feeling vindicated in the damage he does because he never stopped seeing himself as a victim no matter how powerful he got would’ve made sense. His focus on sowing discord and using people’s fondest desires against them would’ve been even cooler! Even if he wasn’t a cute, cuddly, marketable, consumable himbo best friend or surrogate dad to the audience, giving his behavior a clear origin and order of progression beyond “haughty anime bad guy desires power because that’s what haughty anime bad guys come out of the uterus ready to do” would’ve made him a better villain.

And it just kills me because there are so many interesting concepts presented in TotK about his powers and his affinities and possible worldbuilding based on stuff from the first game, and it’s all going to come to naught because the writers crave an Eternal Return to reenacting the stories of previous successful games and want to wipe the slate clean each time to start anew with the same formula inspired by various anime they’d seen.

At this point I’m pretty confident I could take the building blocks about Ganondorf that TotK offers and build a way more interesting and/or thematically resonant villain with them, even if it’s guaranteed to piss off the people I see on Twitter who are like “No! Every take on the character MUST conform to the face-value canonical game story where imperialism is good, actually, and Ganondorf is evil because he was intrinsically born to be evil and not as a consequence of anything the kingdom did while consolidating power/MUST conform to the Official Timeline™️ laid out in Hyrule Historia, no exceptions!”

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Beedle appreciation post

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