#not that it matters BUT figured I would explain myself and be fully transparent lmaO

[mod-jazzy]

The crowd goes mild ! ! 🍅 🍅 🍅

> Under cut talk<

So medium update on things, for anyone who glances at this post.

They’ve been mostly settled for now.

Reports filed n whatnot. We good.

I shan’t get too into it here cuz to be blunt, not something I entirely wanna discuss publicly further

But it’s, settled down for now.

I’ll be around again i guess (I know booo get off the stage tomato tomato tomato)

I’ll be doing things mildly different for a bit just as a precaution but.

It was settled. We are fine and safe. I exist on this platform once more 👍

Hope everyone has been well, happy to be able to like, view y’all’s work again.

So if I like spam stuff, apologies I’ll be trying to catch up when I am able/comfortable.

AND a thank you to everyone who left kind messages for me.

Checked up on my partner and I

Etc etc

I appreciate it greatly.

I don’t deserve kindness of that level but some of y’all still went above and beyond for us, so thank you ♥️

[vashsmunch]

Being enough NSFW

Millions Knives x Transmasc! Reader (MINORS DNI!)

Synopsis: post trimax knives and you have some quality talk before fucking LMAO Warnings: 2.1k words, hurt/comfort (that's all i write), extremely subby knives, pre-op reader, body dysmorphia, self worth issues, plant pussy WOOO, overstimulation, dacryphilia, pretty bitch knives A/N: okay im ngl, i had a really hard time trying to figure out how to write this LMAO. it was initially a birthday gift for my friend but i had never written transmasc stuff before, so i struggled in how to make it not feel like just fem reader stuff. i think i did alright though! transmasc people deserve more love <3 i also kind of missed knives (bleh), and i enjoy the thought of post trimax him having a crushing amount of guilt. hope yall like it ^^

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───  

“Nervous, huh?"

You blew into Nai's ear, and he flinched, leaning away from you. "Not... necessarily."

Sitting back on your heels, you cocked your head at him. He was lying, that much was clear. His eyes were purposely avoiding yours, and he was as stiff as a board. Sure, this was... new, but that didn't explain why he was acting so evasive. Did he not want this? Your fingers instinctively fiddled with the blankets on the bed you two were on, trying to ease your own nerves that were starting to stir up. Dark thoughts ran past your mind as the silence grew even more heavy. Maybe... no. You wouldn't start with that.

You hesitated before leaning forward to take his hand, making sure to not tighten your grip too much. Your voice was quiet as you murmured to him, trying to be calm for both of your sakes. "Hey, I know that this is your first time, but it's gonna be okay. You can back out anytime you want, and I promise I'll be slow. Unless.. there's something else you want to talk about?"

There was another long pause before Nai sighed heavily, turning his body to face yours but still looking down. He tightened his grip around your hand, and you noted that his own was trembling. "It's hard for me to explain."

"I'm smarter than you think. Try me."

His thumb pressed against the flesh of your knuckle, his leg starting to bounce a bit. "This is something I want, something I desire. That's not something I want you to doubt, nor is it something I've ever had second thoughts about," You breathed a quiet sigh of relief as he said this. At least it wasn't what you were dreading. "The issue lies more in whether... I deserve it."

Frowning, you leaned forward to put your face in front of his, your hand raised to cup his cheek. "Hey, hey, none of that. I wouldn't be here if you didn't, I don't fuck people just for shits and giggles, ya know."

Your joke made his lips curl into a tiny smile, but there was still something there that you knew he wasn't telling you about. Thumb brushing against his cheek, you gave him a soft kiss. "I'm not gonna do anything unless you're fully transparent with me. I don't want you to regret this. Please Nai, what's wrong?" 

"I just..." His voice quivered as he whispered against your lips. "Are you not frightened? Are you not aggrieved? The people I hurt... friends of yours that I may have killed... do you not mourn for them? Is this truly something that you want with me, of all people? I will never be able to take that away from you, no matter how many years go by or how many apologies I utter. There will always be the knowledge of knowing you're with a murderer, and I would rather you be happy than drag you down to the hell I've built myself."

A pang rang out in your heart as he finished, and you couldn't help but feel so utterly destroyed. Here you were, thinking he was having regrets about being with someone like you while he was still grieving the suffering his actions caused. You were quiet, trying to think of an appropriate response. 

Finally, you spoke up. "I'm not going to discount the lives of people who were hurt. But I won't ignore the hell you went through either. You were just a child when you saw Tesla, Nai, and people grieve in different ways. This doesn't excuse what you did, but I can understand. Please know I will never hold this against you, nor will I resent you for it. You're trying to repent, and that's what matters," You saw tears well up in his eyes and you gently wiped at them before continuing. "You deserve to feel loved as much as anyone else, and I do love you. I love you so much, Nai, that it aches every time I think of you. The way you treat me, and the softness I see in our interactions, I know you're doing your best. Let me love you, and I promise I'll do everything in my power to make you understand this. I know it's hard, but I'm asking you to trust me. Can you do that? For me?"

He finally met your gaze and salty streams started to flow down his cheeks as he nodded. You moved to hug him, and he clutched at you, crying silently. Rubbing his back, you continued to coo and assure him, your own eyes brimming with liquid. He truly was a tortured soul, and you couldn't blame him. Eventually, you pulled back a bit and smiled at him. "Now, are you going to let me fuck you or not?"

A soft chuckle left his lips as he closed the distance again, kissing you. You helped him remove his sweater and pants, having him lay down on the bed. As your fingers grazed down the length of his muscular stomach, he reached down to grasp your hand. You looked up at him quizzically and saw his cheeks flushed a faint pink. "I must warn you, dove. There might be a bit of shock when you see what's there. I'm not... normal. At least in terms of anatomy humans usually have."

"Do you have something I can eat out?" His mouth dropped open at the vulgarity of your question, and you couldn't help but laugh. "Then I'll be fine. I promise, Nai. If anything, I'll probably be fascinated. Strange genitals don't even compare to the fact that you can manifest literal knives." It wasn't like you had the place to judge, considering your own body. 

With that in mind, your fingers absentmindedly traced the dips of his stomach, wondering how to approach this next part. Eventually, you managed to speak up, voice cracking a bit as you looked down. "You're not the only one who's had doubts about this. But I have... for different reasons," Nai didn't say a word, making you rush to fill the empty air with explanation. "You know I'm not biologically male. We talked about it a bit before, but I never really went into detail; mostly because I didn't know how to continue with the topic. But it's made me wonder if you'd prefer to... I don't know. Be with someone who has the means to please you? In a way I just can't." 

You bit your lip, knowing it wasn't just about that. There were often times when you felt.. unfinished. Impure would be a better word. Especially when you were with someone like Nai, someone who literally embodied the definition of a fallen angel. He was beautiful in a way that was so inhuman, that it made you wonder if he was truly happy being with someone that happened to be far from the definition of perfect. At least in terms of standard bodily expectations. 

Nai's hand came to take you in his palm, tilting your head up to his gaze. His face was riddled with guilt, and it made your heart ache. It was your last wish to make him feel bad for anything, especially with your own foolish little worries. He came to press his forehead against yours, his words in a low whisper. "I've witnessed many things in my years of living. I've seen looks of distress and heard cries of horror, many of which were caused by my hand. There are few things that I would consider to be dear to me, as I thought I wasn't capable of feeling such things," A small smile graced his face as he thumbed at your cheek, trying to comfort you with sadness in his eyes. "But you... you are everything I don't deserve and something I refuse to lose. I've spent so long looking for something to fill the void that was left in my heart after witnessing the death of my sister. And I finally found it. I regret all I've done thus far, but I would do it again if it led me to you once more. Please believe me when I say you mean the world to me, and I've seen the world. Nothing could compare to the beauty you are."

You weren't going to cry. You weren't. Fuck you were crying.

Swiping furiously at your eyes, you laughed softly. "You really know how to make someone feel good about themselves, you know that?"

"I simply said what was in my heart. And you are my heart."

With a loud sniff, you looked back at him with a playfully agitated face. "Can I fuck you now or are we going to stay here and bawl our eyes out until dehydration?" He chuckled as a soft pink graced the tips of his ears, finally letting go of you. With a comforting squeeze of his hip, you waited for him to nod his consent before coming back down to his crotch and tugging down his underwear. 

...

Petals? You tilted your head a bit, examining closer. Yeah, petals. Reaching out hesitantly, you gently stroked the length of what seemed to be a flower twisted up on itself, and you heard him let out a quiet hiss. Soft-hued PLANT marks lined the length of his thighs and pelvis, his anatomy resembling a pussy more than what a guy usually had. If you remember correctly, the petals would be covering what was the pistil.  The more you touched him, little tendrils of what you would assume to be the stamens crept their way from the opening as the petals parted themselves. They wrapped around your wrist but made no move to stop you as you encouraged the petals to reveal more.

"H-hah... Wait...!" Nai cried out as you slid your fingers up and down the outside of his hole, lathering them in fluid. His eyes fluttered shut, his breathing becoming more and more labored. You looked up at him, encouraging him to stop you if needed, but all he offered was a pathetically submissive look through half-lidded eyes. Taking this as an incentive, you continued to explore him, growing increasingly curious about the swollen nub that sat prettily nestled between his folds. It must be the PLANT version of a clit.

You took the bud between your fingers and gave it a gentle pinch, and Nai bucked his hips up into your touch, whimpering. "S-sensitive!" There was something so salaciously intriguing about seeing the usually composed man become undone, so you continued. Rolling and caressing his clit whilst bringing your other hand to prod at his entrance before sinking a finger into him. He let out a soft whine as his body tensed up, pleasure visibly coursing throughout him as he came from the pressure alone. You coaxed him through it, pumping your finger in and out until he was writhing around and begging you to stop. 

Nai's voice was weak and strained, calling your name out in broken chants. You didn't though, knowing that if he truly wanted to, he could forcibly make you stop. Seeing as he didn't, you kept fucking him, eventually adding another finger whilst curling them against his puffy, slick walls. You felt around, paying attention to each arch of his back and twitch of his body, making sure to adjust your ministrations in turn. Tears started to build up in his eyes as he shamelessly humped your fingers, seeming to relish in the lewd wet sounds his cunt was making. He was so beautiful like this, it wasn't hard to believe he was a PLANT. Especially when his glyphs gradually appeared on his skin, pulsing with a soft light in time with each of his moans. He was ethereal in every sense in the world, and you were breaking him to his very core. 

Nai cried pathetic little pleas as you felt his walls clench around your fingers even tighter, growing close to his second high. "Please... please I- I can't-!" 

You hushed him, coming up to kiss him softly as you kept hitting all the places that had him melting into your touch. You rubbed harshly against his clit, your lip curling into a smile. "You can." He wailed, his hands scrambling to find something to clutch onto as he came again, his body spasming as his patterned skin glowed brighter, almost blinding you with the way they lit up the room.

Finally easing up, you gingerly pulled your hand away from his dripping hole, fascinated by the glittery cum that enveloped your fingers. You scissored your them open and closed, becoming acutely aware of Nai still recovering from his intense orgasm. His chest was collapsing in on itself, arm draped over his face as he panted hard. You gently pulled it away from his eyes, having him meet your gaze. A tilt of your head and a laugh left your lips as you caressed his cheek. "See? Not that bad, now was it?"

He spent a few long moments catching his breath before he smiled back weakly. "You'll be the death of me, dear." 

[straane]

yuna & flaws.

this is a subject I briefly kinda hinted at in my tuna post & found myself wanting to properly tackle. I've occasionally seen criticism of Yuna's character dismissing her as "the perfect woman" with no manifest flaws or the sorta faux "acing that job interview" type of flaws such as working too hard, being too selfless, being too kind etc. that are basically strengths masquerading as weaknesses and only really add to her inhuman excellence. and literally there's this one NPC chillin at the Moonflow that gives this highly refined character analysis: "Yuna embodies perfection". well, let's break this thing down, shall we?

and before I start, let it be known that I personally genuinely adore flawed characters, doesn't matter what type of flaws; it's something that to me, recommends a character and gets me invested in their story & struggles so yeah basically the bigger the human disaster and the more varied their range of f**kup the greater my fondness of them – and at the same time I'm a big fan of virtuous, noble-minded, goody-good sorta heroes so it's not really an anti-hero/anti-villain thing either. LOVE the latter lot as well but it's not like they own flaws if you know what I mean

someone'll ask me why i like x and i'm like off the top of my head they're just so dumb and completely obnoxious and  mediocre at everything i love it

so what I'm saying is me talking yuna & flaws is actually a great compliment to her & an expression of my abundant love & adoration

so let's address her

1. workaholic tendencies/excessive selflessness/excessive kindness. so are these real defects or sneaky supplemental strengths or the sly ploys of employee hopefuls? well I might as well fully embrace that metaphor and assert that throughout the pilgrimage, Yuna is actually doing a sort of prolonged large-scale job interview. I mean, she already got the job – business card says 'fully-fledged summoner' – yay – but what she's really shooting for is 'Spira's ray of light', an all-around national hero figure and constant 24/7 source of inspiration, comfort & consolation (not to mention hands-on aid) symbol of hope & salvation etc etc. AND eventual concrete salvation lol. basically, yes, she is aiming for an inhuman standard. there's a lot of internal & external pressure on her, she's constantly hyper-aware of her very demanding role as a summoner and to some extent putting on a performance – not really putting on an act (because damn right this girl is all kinds of compassionate and altruistic and noble and loving) but suppressing her individual rather more free-spirited & fun nature (that we see flashes of in FFX and an entire character arc built around in FFX-2)

perhaps you've met someone like this – some of them get quite good at keeping up the facade of perfection and self-sufficiency. Yuna at least is smart enough to show some transparency every now and then (like when she urges Shelinda not to put herself down, noting she's a beginner too). if she didn't, I don't think we'd like her as much. BUT even when she does, you can tell she's still quite conscious and cautious of her word choices and appearance and behavior and I actually think Hedy Burress's slow and pensive delivery is perfect here and beautifully underlines this aspect of her character. 

2. excessive self-reliance/overconfidence/internal arrogance. her own words, "oh no, I was... overconfident." (btw, I really love it when characters show self-awareness of their faults, subverts a lot of ‘cool’ character tropes) so basically, tho Yuna would have us believe otherwise – I think the whole summoner thing has gotten to her head a tad. not externally – she looks, sounds, feels, smells and tastes all kinds of humble and modest, especially next to the likes of Dona – but is it all just a part of her 'daughter of Braska and future savior and relentless champion of goodness and hope' veneer? consider her actions, and you'll see she often overestimates her own abilities. yuna: "stand back! I'll summon!" seymour: "gurl pls" she outright refuses to share absolutely world-shatteringly important and critical information about Seymour with her guardians; instead lies to their faces, and comes up with a thoughtless plan to confront him herself (and then do what? ‘stop’ him? she fails to send him several times even in the presence of her guardians and when she goes to face him at Macalania Temple he ain't even dead yet lol) and basically starts a domino chain of events that eventually puts them all in extreme danger. now, one might wonder, a) does she truly think so little of her guardians – people mostly older and more experienced than her; whose literal full-time job it is to keep her safe from any and all danger – and their ability to handle unexpected twists and turns (AURON??? LULU??? come ON Yunie) that she would not trust them with this info and thought they'd only get in the way and genuinely thinks her oh-so-thorough-A+++ plans superior to anything they might have to contribute? unlikely. even Auron makes this observation. b) was she only graciously trying to protect said literal professional protectors? that's her own (initial) interpretation of the events, I'm sure. c) is there maybe an element of arrogance/pursuit of heroism/overestimation of own capability involved? glory-seeking might be a bit of a stretch, but seeing as in Spira in general there's this collective image of summoners as heroes and saviors and near superhuman beings... is she starting to, maybe just a little, believe the hype? I'm sorry but it makes me laugh everytime when I think of Yuna telling herself that 'sure i'll just go have a little chat with alleged murderer and maybe marry him if I have to, what could go wrong?? sure I have access to these six trusted friends and capable guardians all ready to jump off a cliff if I asked but this is really no biggie' it’s like that part in Frozen where Kristoff roasts Anna like “that’s your plan? talking to your sister??” except it’s much worse

(also my headcanon is that if that nosy temple attendant hadn't unearthed Jyscal’s sphere, Tidus would've, lol dude knows no shame or boundaries.)  

3. insecurity/craving positive feedback. ok, I'm cheating, these aren't flaws, and we all experience them. but I do think they are oft-overlooked aspects of her character and I also want to bring them up to emphasize that they can and very often do co-exist with overconfidence/extreme self-reliance (pushing us to prove ourselves etc.) 30 seconds into her first ever interaction with Tidus, she has an extremely strong positive response to his throwaway markedly non-expert compliment on her first aeon, and she immediately proceeds to ask this, again, completely clueless outsider whether he thinks she can become High Summoner (lmao that part just kills me he just nods like he just learned the word earlier that day and she's like -deep breath- 'this means so much to me') idk, that scene just always gave me the vibe that she kinda really needed to hear those words and I won't go as far as to say she craves attention/adoration cuz again, clearly she has very altruistic motives behind her chosen profession but that bit is not the only time she shows a sense of insecurity/desire for validation/acknowledgement. her first words after her first sending, to the first person she sees? "hope I did okay"(altho she's not making it all about her given that she is crying too and thus actually breaking her summoner 'pillar of strength' code)

her insecurity also leads to her mimicking others at times, like in the Eternal Calm prologue you get the sense that she feels that the “same as always” Yuna isn’t good enough (Rikku does sorta take the wrong tone there) and this results in her imitating her cousin with all that “oh poopie” silliness and at times kinda trying too hard to act more edgy/assertive (at least that’s my interpretation of her X-2 characterization ALTHO it also leads to very positive and much-needed character development) 

4. limited empathy/wanting things her way/and yes, sometimes making it all about her, there i said it. so yeah, if we take empathetic to mean nice and friendly, then yes, Yuna is obviously empathetic. but if we go with the actual definition as in "empathy = the ability to put yourself in another person's position / understand their feelings/experiences" I think she wayyyy struggles. heck, I think Lulu is the more empathetic of the two. let me explain. take any time Yuna & Tidus talk about Jecht. they more or less immediately come to the conclusion that they are in fact referring to the same person (at least she certainly does), yet Yuna never quite appreciates Tidus's perception of/history with Jecht, his own father. she is quick to protest his bashing with her own memory of a "kind and gentle man" (which is no less true/valid) and doesn't really seem to know how to handle the subject in conversation when his experiences so wildly clash with her own. even when she accurately perceives that he's hurting in Luca, she doesn't even try to inquire what's wrong or ask if there's anything she can do, but instead immediately relates his (unspecified and in actuality very specific and severe sort of) pain to her own experiences as a summoner and starts pushing onto him her own somewhat unhealthy if surprisingly fun coping techniques (thank you Yuna, for single-handedly bringing about the Greatest Scene ™ in FF history which I unironically adore). when she pep talks Shelinda (a great display of her kindness and thoughtfulness, as well as inability to understand other people's differing experiences and their nuances), again, she never asks her to elaborate on her situation but instead draws parallels to her own situation as a fledgling summoner. ('people are counting on me. oh and i'm sure they're counting on you too') neither does she ever ask Tidus what he wants to do in Spira, she asks him to be her guardian. even after her wish is granted (to be fair, it's what he found himself wanting as well) she checks with him whether he'll follow her all the way to Zanarkand, and when Tidus gives a very melancholy reply pointing out his own somewhat depressing reasons for the journey ('yea gotta see if my hometown's still there, it's probably not tho'), she makes this happy little noise. like... that's her takeaway. she clearly has a vision of how she wants things to play out and expects people to accommodate, whether she wants them there or not. ('I want him nearby' vs. 'I have to do this crazy stupid thing and I have to do it alone') contrast this with Lulu, who quite unlike Yuna, doesn't immediately become enamored with Tidus and his Zanarkand and his relation to a person she cherishes; but nevertheless starts helping him out immediately by educating him on Spiran customs/history (if that's not empathy/placing self in another person's position, idk what is) 

5. naivete/hesitation to question established truths I think I addressed this one in my MBTI post and my eyes are getting tired. she also eventually manages to completely flip this one around and make it into one of her strengths without losing a sense of idealism and optimism, what a heroine 

so anyway

-exits minefield- 

-immediately returns- basically feel free to disagree and/or point out any factual errors/aspects of her character that I missed, whether positive or negative. basically this is my personal interpretation of the character and as I said, pretty much my love letter to her

OR you could add to these (join the Yuna roast we have cookies bwahahaa)