#not that i've been thinking about it for at least a week

[c0s-lettuce]

your orbit

steve harrington x reader

synopsis: amidst a night of board games, junk food and extraordinary company, the only thing steve can think about is you.

→ or the deterioration of steve harrington's mind over the course of an evening.

word count: 4.1k

warnings/tags: fem!reader, set around s4 but no upside down, eddie and robin aren't subtle, steve just really loves you, childhood best friends to strangers to friends, one bed but not really ;)

a/n: i love ex bestie steve! i've been wanting to write for him for a while, so hope i did him justice. joe keery favourite white boy frrr. pls forgive any inaccuracies and thanks for reading <3

5 PM

Steve decided to take advantage of having the house to himself. His parents are gone for the week, as they so often are. So, he sent out a few invitations to some of his closest friends. A small get-together, he told them, nothing fancy.

Robin accepted, of course. And Nancy and Jonathan, too. Steve only told Dustin about the party, but he already knew that word would spread to all the other kids.

But Steve has a mini panic attack when he finds out you're coming. He isn't too sure where he stands with you these days. Your friendship has all but rekindled, but Steve is still wary around you, terrified of messing up again. You accepted the invitation, though. That's a good thing. Right?

As Steve waits for people to arrive, he takes out his only activities, a deck of cards and a single board game he received as a gift but never opened. He's relying on his friends with siblings and/or a healthier relationship with their parents to bring more things to do.

He sets out the snacks he bought. Chips and candy are laid out over the island counter in the kitchen, and soda is stacked in the fridge. Steve even sets aside a little stash of what he hopes are still your favourites. He also managed to get his hands on some beer, and there's money set aside for pizza later.

Soon enough, people start showing up. Robin arrives first, followed by Dustin, Lucas and Max. Then Nancy and Jonathan arrive with Mike, Will and El. Then you. And finally, Eddie.

The gaggle of children quickly bee-line for the snacks and games. Steve watches with disdain, knowing there'll be a mess to clean up after. But at least his other guests appear happy to see their gracious host, with you among them.

Steve pretty much shortcircuits when you arrive. You're dressed nicely, and your hair is all pretty. You lean in to give him a quick hug, greeting him fondly. He may as well have cancelled the night then because he's sure his heart stopped for a second.

He only snaps out of it when Eddie arrives, slapping him so hard on the back that it could've been an alternative to the Heimlich maneuver. Suddenly, the population of the house has gone from one to a dozen, and noise and energy immediately replace the prior peace.

Steve quickly realises that he's in for a long night.

6 PM

"So, what's the story between the two of you?" Eddie asks.

Steve blinks, caught off guard by the question. He turns to the other boy, who awaits his answer with a half-curious, half-smug expression.

"Nothing, man," Steve mutters, taking a sip of his beer.

"Nothing, huh?" Eddie smirks. "Is that why you're staring at her like she's the love of your life?"

Steve glares at Eddie, wondering who even invited him. Eddie is the newest addition to the larger friend group. Dustin is very fond of him. And from what Steve has heard, so are you. He's in a few of the same classes as you, and there's a rumour among the kids that you used to be in Hellfire for a semester in your sophomore year.

The thought of you being close to Eddie bothers Steve. He chases the feeling away with another sip.

"Come on, big boy," Eddie nudges him. "We're friends now. You can tell me."

He looks back at you. You're sat around the coffee table with the kids in the middle of a round of Uno. And you look so lovely. You always do. Even the way you're holding the cards is pretty. You're the perfect culmination of everything sweet. No wonder the kids are hogging you.

He looks back at Eddie, who's still regarding Steve with inquisitive and mischievous eyes. Steve considers acquiescing, especially since Eddie is willing to listen. At the very least, it'll give Robin a break from dealing with his usual sulking.

"We were really close in middle school," Steve begins. "Best friends, even. But then I started high school, and... well, you can probably guess the rest."

"Ah," Eddie nods, understanding immediately. "I see."

Steve continues. "We only spent a year apart. And she was so excited to join me. But then-"

"Then King Steve emerged, and you left her in the dirt," Eddie remarks.

Steve cringes at the wording but doesn't refute it. It's an accurate recount of what happened. He knew he was horrible, not just to you but to everyone. He regrets nothing more than abandoning you and letting his so-called friends pick on you. Meanwhile, he stood by, telling himself worthless excuses to justify how things turned out.

You and Steve remained strangers after he left his throne behind. And it probably would've stayed that way if he didn't become coworkers with one Robin Buckley, who had become your new best friend in his absence.

He remembers the days you would visit Scoops Ahoy, mostly to distract Robin and make his job harder. You would often give him quick glances and polite smiles, never going out of your way to talk to him. However, he would occasionally catch your eyes lingering on him.

Robin would tell him you were checking him out, insisting she knew how her best friend thinks. But he was convinced you were judging him for his dumb hat and sailor outfit. Nothing ever made him wish he could crawl into a hole and die more than that.

But suddenly, he was back in your orbit again. And he's never left since.

Turning his attention back to you, Steve watches you play your last card, earning a groan from a few of the other players. You stand up victorious, stepping away from the table to grab another drink from the kitchen.

Steve recognises this as the perfect time to approach you and say something other than the "hey" he offered when you arrived. But just as he's about to muster up the courage, the doorbell rings, indicating the arrival of pizza.

With a sigh and another slap on the back from Eddie, he turns away to retrieve the food.

7 PM

You fit in well with the others. Not that it's a bad thing. It's great, actually. It just reminds Steve how much time has passed and how things have changed. It makes him think of what could've been.

You being best friends with Robin makes more sense than hot chocolate on a rainy day. You're like two peas in a pod. You match each other's energy, and both have a sort of charming madness about you.

The kids obviously like you. Not that their criteria are that high. But it helps that you used to work at the arcade and would give them your spare quarters. Plus, the rumour that you used to be in Hellfire makes you seem like a legend in their eyes.

Even Max likes you. He could tell because you were the one she approached earlier, asking if she could have a beer. You laughed and told her no. She just pouted and accepted it. Steve knew if he told her no, he would've been left with an insult.

You aren't particularly close to Nancy or Jonathan. Still, Steve knew they respected you, which means a lot, especially from someone like Nancy. And, of course, Eddie is... Eddie.

Steve comes to the realisation that he's jealous of everyone at the party. They all have a place in your life, in your heart. He wonders if there's even room left for him. There was a time when he occupied all that space. And it's his own fault that changed. Still, he can't help but hope.

The pizza disperses and disappears quickly. As the others chase their dinner with more snacks and set up another game, Steve remains leaning against the wall. He's so deep in thought that he doesn't notice someone approaching him.

"Steve?"

He flinches at the voice. It's you.

"H-hey," he stutters.

"Hey," you reply. "You okay? You seem a bit... distraught."

Steve takes a second to respond but nods. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good, just thinking."

You tilt your head, sensing more to the story but not wanting to pry. "Alright. Just don't hurt yourself."

Steve chuckles nervously, both relieved and terrified that you're making jokes with him.

You point back towards the coffee table. "The others are about to start a game of Monopoly. Did you want to join?"

He looks towards the group, at Dustin micromanaging how Will sets up the board. At Max and El scheming their game plan, having already picked the token they want to use. And at Mike dragging over his reluctant-looking sister, an amused-looking boyfriend following behind.

Steve knew he ought to join in, having just been standing around all night. But the idea of playing a game about capitalism with a group of kids who took board games way too seriously doesn't appeal to him right now.

So, he shakes his head. "No thanks. You go ahead."

You glance at the others before turning back. "Nah, I'm good. I need a break from getting lectured by Dustin."

Steve snorts. "Yeah, that kid's got a mouth on him. You wouldn't believe how often he tries to give me dating advice."

"He gives you dating advice?" you ask, amused.

"Yeah," Steve answers. "Now that he has a girlfriend, he thinks he's unstoppable. A girlfriend he wouldn't even have if it weren't for me, by the way. I taught him everything he knows."

You laugh and shrug. "Well, maybe you could learn something, Steve. You know, the whole 'student becomes the master' thing?"

Steve lets out a huff. "No, no way. Besides, I don't need a girlfriend when I've got-"

You, he almost says. But he clears his throat and corrects himself.

"Uh, all of you," he states, vaguely gesturing to the party. "My friends, you know?"

His words make you grin. "Aww, Steve-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he mumbles. "Just don't tell anyone I said that."

He averts his gaze. His cheeks flush a bit, but he's holding back a smile. He's glad to have gotten that reaction from you.

You're about to tease him some more when Robin's voice interrupts, calling for your help from upstairs.

You sigh, looking back at Steve. "Duty calls. I'll leave you to your thinking."

You give him a cheeky smile before you leave, a smile that makes it seem like you somehow read his mind and found his thoughts amusing. He can only watch as you walk away again.

8 PM

Steve isn't sure how he got here, sitting next to you on the carpet. The Monopoly game was cut short after Lucas and Mike got into a heated argument. And now they've switched to The Game of Life, which hopefully won't cause any fights.

Not only did Steve get roped into playing, he got teamed up with you. You had been calling most of the shots during the game, but when you reached the marriage space, stuck a little pink peg next to the blue one and murmured, "That's us," to Steve... well, it all got a bit confronting for the poor boy.

He felt like a fool, sitting there overthinking two words that likely were said as a joke. Steve had realised a while ago that he loved you. A part of him thinks he always has, ever since the early days of middle school.

But being friends with you again after everything is more than he felt he deserved, so he doesn't expect you to return those feelings just yet. But then you go ahead and say something like that. So casually, too. "That's us." Married. Yeah, right. Either you're cruel, or there's hope for him yet.

Steve manages to calm his emotions a few moments later. But as the game progresses, he continues comparing his life to the little blue peg that was supposedly him.

Steve, in the game, has a college degree, a decently-paying job, a pretty pink peg for a wife (which you've claimed to be you), three peg children and his own house, all while avoiding any mid-life crises.

Steve, in real life, at the ripe age of nineteen, has no idea what he's doing. He's been through at least two quarter-life crises. College is definitely not happening. And he's working a retail job Robin got for him through bribery. At least it came with a better uniform. One which would probably help with picking up girls if the girl he actually wanted wasn't the one currently sitting next to him.

At least now, when you visit Robin at work, you also come to see him. You make eye contact, give him bright smiles, and actually talk to him. And he has to do everything in his god-given power to not lose his mind each time.

But it's not all for nothing. After all, you're a loyal customer of Family Video, and Steve always looks after his patrons (as long as it's you). If he knows you'll be visiting, he'll put on one of your favourite movies on the TV in the store.

He'll also research movies he thinks you'll like, lie and say they're unavailable if someone tries to rent them before he can get them to you. It earns judgment from Robin, but he doesn't care. As long as it makes you happy.

Soon, Steve vows, he'll take you out to see a movie on the big screen. It'll be just the two of you at the back of the theatre with a big bucket of popcorn. He'll pull some cheesy move on you. You'll laugh at him or roll your eyes. Or maybe you'll fall for it. Either way, it'll be perfect.

Steve only checks back into the present when The Game of Life ends. He glances around the table, relieved no one has noticed him daydreaming. Everyone's cars are in the retired space, and Steve catches a glimpse of you and him and your three kids again. But he looks back at the real you as you turn to face him.

Steve is no help as you sort out how much money you ended up with, too busy admiring you instead. You're focused, doing maths in your head and using his lap as a surface to lay out the notes and cards. And somehow, he falls even more in love with you in this moment.

9 PM

The party has diminished, with Nancy and Jonathan having gone home with the kids. Now, just Steve, Robin, Eddie, and you remain. Outside, dark clouds have gathered, showering Hawkins in light rain.

The four of you are finishing the night off with one last card game. You had won, of course. And now Eddie has recruited your help. He has his arm around you, his head pressed against yours, his deck hiding your faces as you conspired his next move.

If Steve didn't know any better, he'd assume you two were a thing. But he does know better. Eddie must be doing this on purpose, trying to make him jealous or something. And it was working. Steve supposed that's what he deserves for trusting Eddie with his deepest, darkest regret.

The card game turns into a one-sided glaring contest, with Robin having to nudge Steve whenever it's his turn. With your help, Eddie finishes second. Robin comes third, and Steve loses the game. But at this point, he isn't even upset about it because it means his suffering is over.

Eddie finally lets go of you, letting out a contented sigh as he stretches his arms above his head.

"Alright," he announces. "I'm calling it a night. You ready to go, Buckley?"

Robin nods. "Yeah, let's head."

The two stand and begin gathering their things.

Eddie looks at you as he puts on his jacket. "You sure you don't want a ride home?"

You shake your head. "I'm good, Eds. You take Robin. My dad should be here soon."

Eddie accepts your answer with a nod, and you catch the slightest hint of a smirk. But you ignore it as you and Steve walk him and Robin to the door. You give them each a hug before they leave.

Robin has an expression you don't fully comprehend as she hugs you back, somewhere between smug and amused. "See you later, nerd. Make good choices, okay?"

You furrow your brow, but she heads out the door before you can ask what she means by that.

As Eddie steps out after her, he looks back at Steve. "Hey, Harrington. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

He sends Steve a wink, who frowns at the implication of his words. You notice Robin is still giving you that look. You send her a raised eyebrow in return. But no more words are exchanged as the two go their merry way.

"God, they're weird," Steve mutters as he closes the door.

His comment elicits a chuckle from you, which elicits a flutter in his chest. He turns to face you, unable to help the smile that graces his features just by looking at you. But a mildly awkward silence follows as Steve racks his brain on how to proceed now that it's just the two of you.

"You, uh- you want another drink?" he asks.

You smile and nod. "Yeah, sure."

His own smile widens. "Alright. You sit back down, and I'll get us some."

Steve heads into the now almost empty kitchen, grabbing two bottles before finding you again in the living room. You're sitting on the couch, packing up the deck of cards. Steve is momentarily distracted by the way your hands move.

But as he approaches and hands you your drink, he decides to be bold and sits close to you, throwing an arm over the back of the couch. He doesn't even have a millisecond to regret it because he feels you lean into his touch.

Steve revels in the satisfaction.

10 PM

Eddie and Robin seem to have left just in time because the storm picks up only a few minutes after they leave. You and Steve sit and chat for a while as you finish your drinks, and you help Steve clear up the empty cans and scattered wrappers despite him ordering you not to.

But even after everything is cleaned, your father still hasn't arrived. Steve watches as you wait, looking at the time again.

"You're welcome to stay over if that's easier for you," he tells you.

You look over at him, considering his offer. "You don't mind?"

Steve shakes his head. "No, of course not."

He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all. In fact, he would prefer it. He's used to being alone for days at a time. But it's a bit harrowing going from twelve people to just one, especially in a big empty house during a storm. Yes, he definitely wants you to stay.

"Okay," you say, "I'll just call my parents and ask what's happening."

Steve nods as you walk over to the phone and call home. It rings for a bit before someone picks up.

"Hello?" your mother's voice greets you.

"Hey, mom," you reply. "It's me."

The pitch of her voice changes immediately upon hearing your voice. "Hi, darling! Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to check if dad was still coming to pick me up?" you ask.

There's a pause before your mom groans. "Oh, I'm so sorry. We completely forgot. We had a lot of wine for dinner. I can go get him now."

"It's no big deal, mom," you interject. "The storm's getting pretty bad anyway. Steve said I could stay over."

Again, your mother's cadence changes, but you don't need to question why. You know she's always been a fan of Steve.

"Okay, darling," she responds. "That sounds like a good idea. You two take care, alright?"

You resist rolling your eyes, even though she's not around to see it. "Yeah, you too, mom. Bye."

Your mom bids you farewell, and you hang up the phone.

Steve, who waits patiently nearby, takes this as his cue to speak up. "You staying?"

You look over at him and nod. "I'm staying."

"Okay, great," Steve smiles. "You can take my room. I'll go in the guest bedroom."

"What? Steve, no," you say. "You don't have to do that. I'll take the guest bedroom."

"No, really," he insists. "It's cold and uncomfortable in there. Trust me."

"I'm the guest, Steve. I'll go in the guest bedroom," you respond.

"No, not happening," he states.

You frown. "I'm not letting you give up your room."

Steve crosses his arms. "Well, I'm not letting you stay in the guest bedroom."

There's a pause in the conversation as the two of you stare each other down, hoping the other will fold.

When neither of you do, you make another suggestion. "Alright. How about we just share your bed?"

Steve raises his eyebrows. "Uh, you- really? Are you sure?"

You shrug. "Yeah, I mean... we used to do it all the time as kids, right?"

It's true. You did. There were countless nights when you would pass out in bed together, having stayed up watching movies or spent the entire day in the pool.

"Okay," Steve agrees. "Let's do that then."

"Great," you say.

"Great," he replies.

Yeah... great.

11 PM

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

That's all Steve could repeat in his head. He's lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling while you're beside him. He forgot to factor in how the both of you have grown considerably since middle school, meaning there's less space between you now.

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't fr-

"You know," you break the silence. "I forgot how weird your plaid wallpaper was."

Steve furrows his brow, his distress momentarily forgotten as he turns to look at you.

"It's not weird," he says defensively.

"It's pretty weird," you reply before looking at him. "But it's cool."

As your gaze meets his, he feels his nervousness rushing back. You look so soft and cozy in his bed, wearing his shirt. And you're smiling at him as if you knew the funniest joke in the world and you were about to tell it to him.

He lets a beat of silence pass before clearing his throat. "Did you have fun today?"

"Yeah, I did," you answer genuinely. "You?"

"Yeah," Steve replies. "It's nice having people around."

You nod in response, remembering how his parents would send him over to live with your family whenever they would go away. As much as he loved being able to spend time with you, you knew he hated being left behind.

"How long are your parents gone for this time?" you ask.

"Just until the end of the week," he tells you.

You nod again. "You've been faring up by yourself?"

He shrugs. "I don't mind it. They've been on my back a lot recently. Honestly, I needed the break."

"Right," you reply. "So not much has changed."

Steve lets out a humourless laugh. "Nope. It's been hell since I graduated last year."

You frown at his words. "I guess that's not surprising."

"Yeah, I don't know," he pauses for a second before continuing, his voice quieter. "Sometimes, I think they have a point."

You pause as well, trying to gauge what he's thinking. "You shouldn't let them get to you, Steve."

He sighs. "I know. But what if they're right, you know, about me?"

"They're not. I promise you," you reassure him.

Steve turns to look at you again, almost like he's searching for your sincerity.

You give him a smile. "You'll be alright, Steve. I know it."

Steve can't help but smile back. You sound so earnest that he's inclined to believe you. Besides, you're here with him right now. So, he must be doing something right.

You fall into a comfortable silence. There's barely any noise this late at night to disrupt it. After a few moments, you let out a yawn.

"Ugh, man. I'm so sleepy," you mumble.

"You should get some rest," he responds. "I still remember how grumpy you get in the morning."

You give him a deadpan look. "Gee, thanks."

Steve chuckles. "Just telling the truth."

Your feigned expression breaks as you laugh along, too. Steve cherishes every second of the moment before it fades away.

You yawn again. "Alright then. Goodnight, Steve."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he replies.

The room falls silent again. Steve lets out a deep breath and closes his eyes. Despite the uncertainty, a smile still lingers on his lips. A million things could change tomorrow. But for now, at least, you're still by his side.

[lukolathoughts]

Miss Nicola - supporting LGBTQI rights

Dearest gentle reader,

I have been itching to write a blog post now for a few weeks, but not really knowing where to begin. There have been frenzied weeks and days of activity, but then silence and the fandom meanders like a lost boat at sea. We are often rudderless without the reassuring presence of our ship captains - Luke and Nicola. This also tends to get the sub fandoms spouting nonsense claiming to have seen Nicola in Birmingham or some ridiculous crap. I didn't want to bother her by asking for a photo! No photo, no proof my friend.

I'll talk about me for a moment. I had a week from hell last week. There was something so upsetting for me to deal with, I couldn't go into work as I was crying that much. Try to explain this to your manager: that nasty comments on YouTube made you late for work. Luckily, she is an understanding person and I have told her about my YT channel. Saying some things out loud to real life people make me sound barking mad. But it is the price you pay for being public on YouTube. It also makes me an easy target. I am used to online trolls and people who hate me for saying that Jake is gay and believing in Lukola, but when the stab in the back comes from a supposed friend, it really is the ten of swords. My phone blew up that much, I opened my eyes that morning genuinely thinking Lukola had launched. My hope turned to ash, when I saw what was really happening. I share this with you all because, I have had to have a reckoning with myself the last week. My online life and my real life are not the same. My real life is way more important and I actually need my job, so messing it up because I've got people I don't really know online saying mean things about me, that are not true, shouldn't matter. But it still hurts. But I also realise, they are trying to stop me sharing and trying to ruin my credibility and reputation in order to send me off into my discord crying never to return again.

Well think again. No one tells a Sagittarius woman what they can and can't do. I am made of stronger stuff. Love will always conquer hate. No one puts Baby in the corner, and I will not stand for it. I have scaled back most of my online life now. It had helped me cope with the last year and losing my friend, but sometimes you have to go back into reality. I'm never leaving the ship though. You'll have to chuck me overboard and I'll still jump back on like Rose from Titanic. "I couldn't go, Jack! You jump, I jump, right?"

Anyway, enough about me. Let's talk about Nic. I love Nicola by the way and nothing I say here is a criticism of her or her choices. I see what you're doing though, miss Nicola. I said in my last blog that the shit would hit the fan when Jake has to start press for his new upcoming BBC3 drama What it feels like for a girl. I will admit I have not read the book. Regardless of who Jake is playing, it is reportedly an all queer cast, a queer director and at least one queer writer that I know of. Why would the director of an all queer cast hire a straight man in a homosexual role? If this show is as big as It's a Sin, that aired on Channel 4 a few years ago, then there will be press and a lot of it. There will be press from queer magazines also. Jake is currently in an awkward position, because some press believe he is in a romantic relationship with Nicola Coughlan, a woman who is also 14 years his senior. So, what will Nicola and Jake do?

Jake is holding onto his cash cow with both hands and Nicola needs Jake to continue to pose as her boyfriend to stop the media digging. But honey, they know. It was clear all the press at the SAG awards knew exactly what was going on and they were not afraid to say it. The 'happy ending' comment levelled at them directly by a reporter, had Nicola stunned and Luke smiling like all his Christmases' had come at once.

Nicola knows what is going on. She knows there is a deadline and she knows if she doesn't extricate herself from the narrative she is dating a gay man, she is screwed basically. What is she doing? She's getting out her, I love gays!! T-shirt, hats, scarfs, sunglasses, whatever. She is doing it. Look at me, I love queers! I love her for this and I already know she is an advocate for LGBTQI rights. She has a ton of gay friends. The fandom knows this of course, but do the general public?

At the Neutrogena event on 27th March 2025, there was a very tall drag queen doing some MCing. We know Nic loves drag queens and has been to many shows, so this is nothing new to us. I'm not being overly cynical that the drag queen might have been there for a reason, right? Neutrogena is a product that is targeted at women mostly for their skin products. What has that got to do with a drag queen? I just found it odd.

Next up we have Nicola's Pink Pony Club Post that she shared to both her Instagram stories and grid last Thursday 10th April. The song by Chappell Roan is synonymous with the gay community and one that Jake danced to at her concert last year in a pink cowboy hat. "You guys, remember when my old flat was a gay hotspot!" Nicola, posts 4 polaroid's of her looking fabulous in pink and lays them on a pink blanket. What made you feel so nostalgic, Nic? Or are you sending a message? Look at me, I have loved my gay besties for donkey's years. Prominent gay friends such as JVN and Jack Rooke commented all in agreement, that indeed, Nic's flat was the place to be. And, no I do not think Nicola is coming out herself as gay. Get real, she is supporting her friends and peers.

Then there was yesterday's selfie of Nicola wearing her black - 'I just wanted to say if you are trans and reading this, I love you and so do all my mates' T-shirt. There a few other details in that post that other bloggers such as @toriaaniin have covered beautifully, so I won't go into it here. My eyes sprung wide when I saw this post. I know she advocates for the charity Notaphase.org and I commend her for doing this, but two queer posts in a few days seems to be a lot for Nic, when lately she hasn't been posting at all.

There is also the male hairdresser Halley Brisker in her Opalex video on her Instagram, They make a big deal of letting us know he flirts with male makeup artists. Nicola is clearly good friends with Halley and it is an endearing watch. But to me this seems like a lot of overkill in the last few days for the general public to look at her Instagram and instantly know, yes Nicola does love the girls, the gays and Luke Newton. (FYI Halley Brisker is married to a woman and has children, but to the general public this conversation is implying Nic is comfortable with these conversations).

This, in my opinion, is setting the stage for the final act. I can see Nicola doing some sort of article or interview where she clears a certain narrative up. If you notice, Douglas has also been quite forceful again in implying certain things about Jake and Jake himself does not stop others from posting suggestive posts and videos of him. Nicola must remove herself from this mess in order to move forward with her own career and life. Hanging onto old connections are no longer serving her personally and professionally. Her engagement on Instagram is down by a lot, so I'm told and she is losing followers. She has done all she can career-wise for Jake now, he has to make his own way.

If this does not happen and we remain in this weird heteronormative bubble, I fear the press for What it feels like for a girl, will be a shit show. The truth will come out eventually and it will drag both Jake and Nicola down with it.

[hedwig221b]

Do you have any recs for angsty sterek fics? The angstier the better!

and anon asked:

Hii. Do you have any angst fics that you could recommend? I mean like some heartbreaking , tear jerking, soul crushing angst. Of course with a happy ending if you know of any?

I have an angst fic recs here, but let's make a part two!

It's All I Can Do by Vanyela

This is what happened the night the Kanima struck at the pool. This is why Stiles really held Derek up and this is what happened when Scott got there two minutes later than a good friend should have. Based off the prompt: "Stiles shoves Derek to the top of the pool even as he’s drowning because Derek is worth so much more than Stiles could ever be."

Optional by Cheshyr

Stiles is acutely aware of the fact that no one really chooses him. They just get stuck with him.

Holy Injuries, Batman! by LadyDrace

Stiles gets hurt. Badly. Getting better turns out to be more of a process than anyone expected, and there are a few surprises along the way.

Empty by modestfuckup

Stiles stops listening to the words the doctor is saying, a stream of tears rolling down his face. His training taught him he has to remain calm. He uses a tissue to blot at the tears as his mind already turns to what is going to happen now. The doctor is talking about his options, and treatments he could undergo, but Stiles knows none of that will work. He’s infertile. With no way to supply his alpha with an heir, he is practically useless. Or the one where Stiles is an infertile omega, and society dictates that if an omega is unable to carry on the alpha's lineage, an alpha is allowed to take another omega. Stiles hides his condition from Derek while he copes and starts the process of finding a new omega for him.

The Mating Privilege by Kikileduc

Stiles and Derek have been happily mated. The pack is doing well, but in hopes of creating alliances for it to do better, Derek accepts a neighboring pack's request to allow two wolves to join the Hale-McCall pack for a full moon cycle. They hope to form a blood-tie, or at least a long term friendship between the two packs. The issue is Kohona, the tribal leader's daughter, has her eyes set on an unavailable alpha wolf. This could have drastic consequences for their young emissary, however…

Abiding By Pack Law by neil4god

Traditionally the Alpha mate must meet certain requirements, however there are always certain exceptions. For every rule there is someone who has broken it, well almost every rule. There is one rule that no-one has ever broken. The alpha's pack must approve the match, if they don't, well a new mate is required. Unfortunately Stiles know he doesn't fit the requirements, the pack hate him, Derek just hasn't realised it yet.

I Shouldn't Love you Anymore by wulfarchival (wyrmwolf)

After Stiles divorces Derek under mysterious reasons, Derek moves out into the middle of nowhere loosing himself to the wolf after the ache in his chest becomes too much. But after weeks of being lost to an animal someone he thought he'd never see again returns in his life. This time to stay forever.

All Derek Ever Wanted by Dexterous_Sinistrous

Stiles knew Derek always wanted a big family. And, for the longest time, he thought he'd be the one to give it to him. Life, devastatingly, has other plans. Prompt: "I've been thinking about omega stiles n alpha derek. They're trying to hav a baby. But one day stiles go to the doc, n he imply that stiles can't get pregnant. Stiles keep it secret and try to make derek divorce him."

This Quiet Torment

Derek has had a crush on Stiles, a young omega who goes to his school since he first laid eyes on him. He has watched him continually come to school with bruises and flesh wounds delivered by his abusive father and all he’s ever wanted to do was help but Stiles never let him get close enough. Until, one night, Stiles ends up at Derek’s house, with more than a flesh wound and Derek will do everything in his power to protect him.

Stay with me by Beautiful_noise

Derek gets a glimpse of the future in which Stiles has two biological daughters and that's how he knows he and Stiles are going to break up.

Leave It All Behind by asarcasticwitch

A coil of panic tightens in his chest as, after just three short rings, Derek’s voice—raspy as if barely awake—echoes through the speaker. “Do you know what time it is?” he grumbles, and at any other time, Stiles would’ve made a joke or retorted with something so sarcastic it would’ve undoubtedly earned him a huff in return. But right now, he can’t think of anything to say.

This Can of Worms by LadyDrace

Derek knows Stiles has been crying, and he's the alpha, dammit, he's supposed to be able to help his pack members. But what is he supposed to do when Stiles won't let him?

all stories deserve an end by bleep0bleep

No one hardly ever comes up to this area of the forest, especially with the rumors of the “mad wizard.” Stiles encourages the rumor, because it means people leave him alone. It’s a good, solitary existence as long as Stiles pretends the aching loneliness in his heart isn’t there.

I Just Need You by beckybrit

“Derek?” He’s surprised at how steady his voice is, considering he’s absolutely terrified. It’s been a long time since he’s been afraid of Derek, but the eyes looking back at him now are full of hate and the promise of death. Stiles shudders but steadfastly refuses to look away. “Derek, I know it doesn’t look like it, but it’s me… Stiles.”

Other fic recs: angsty fics | possessive Derek | historical AU | baby/mpreg | outsider POV | smut | mafia | hurt/comfort | magical!Stiles | Stiles gets kicked out of the pack | BAMF!Stiles + pt2 | omegaverse | witch!Stiles | creature!Stiles + pt2 | oblivious!Stiles | bad friend Scott | pack mom!Stiles | unrequited love | werewolf!Stiles | dark sterek | single parent!Stiles | feral Derek | arranged marriage | Stiles is underestimated | mpreg w/o abo | accidental knotting | jock!Derek | jock!Stiles | alive Hales | spanking | royal abo au | longfic | void!Stiles | sheriff dissaproves | Stiles doesn't know about werewolves

[schoenht]

↳ santa tell me

character: vil schoenheit

synopsis: christmas isn't christmas without him and no amount of pleading can make him come home faster.

a/n: listen i wanted to do this for christmas and i had the worst writer's block so i'm slowly getting back to it </3 i've been focusing on the solverse okay

the snowflakes falling outside of the door felt like they were taunting you. every pitter patter, every whisper of the icy crystals, reminded you further of how far your own shining light was.

vil's job was more than fruitful, the people saying the same stupid phrase over and over again as if it was supposed to be some method of comfort. booked and blessed. how ridiculous. no, that was cruel to even think about. vil had worked so hard to become an actor that was reliable and able to obtain various opportunities. he even got the lead role as the hero of a movie.

but he had promised that he would return for christmas. after last year where you were alone for christmas, he told you that he'd go to you no matter how far away he was. you told him it was okay, that he needed his career more than he needed you.

selflessness came at the cost of your own exuberance.

while you decorated the christmas tree in the corner, setting up the red carpet beneath the glistening pine needles, your phone went off. the screen showed a picture of you and vil after you had gone on a date, deciding to take pictures in a photobooth. you still had the strip of pictures on your desk.

sliding the green button, you answered his call. "hey vil, how's work?"

"hi, my love. everything is okay, we are taking a five." vil had told himself that he was going to call you as often as he could and time was running out on his promise. already the first week of december, if he didn't wrap it all up soon, he could be at risk of leaving you alone for christmas, the exact thing he refused to do. "i've sent you a small package of ornaments that i thought you would like. they should be at your door."

you walked over and opened the door to find a small white box. carrying it to the table and using a boxcutter, inside were the special edition ornaments of your favorite collectibles. "how did you find these?! they were sold out everywhere!"

vil nodded, even though he knew you couldn't see him. "i had to call a friend of a friend. he claimed that he had his own stash for those people that he cared for. originally, he was going to give it to my connection, but he said i could have it."

it was like vil was there with you, or at least his thoughts were there with you.

he also had an uncanny way of knowing what you were thinking.

"i'll be there for christmas. i promise." his voice, melodic and soothing, made a sense of calm wash over you, making you believe that he was right. he would be home, he wouldn't leave you alone this year like you were the previous year.

"okay," you said delicately, "i'll hold you to it."

"my five minutes are up. i'll call you when i get on my next break."

and so it went, the days passing by with a certain schedule: waiting until vil's next call and the intervals, yet also checking the calendar to imagine what would happen that christmas day. you had your own traditions that mixed in with his.

christmas eve came and while you were deciding between take out or scrounging around for something that could potentially fill your stomach, there was a knock at the door. your hopes that he would be home lifted as quickly as fireworks did. but it sizzled out when you saw it was a takeout bag. takeout bag?

the sticker said that it was for vil, so it must have been for you as a christmas meal. then it all clicked into place.

vil wasn't coming home.

there was a deep feeling of rage, except that it seemed to be more disappointment and sadness. an actor's life was solely for the screen and never anything more.

meanwhile, vil was being driven not to his own house but to yours. he had paid his driver extra if he could get there immediately. the traffic seemed to have another idea for him and that was not to make it. vil refused to break his promise. it was one thing to be late, it was another to not arrive at the set time. no, like all movie sets, to be on time was to be late. to be late was to be dead or fired.

finally, your place of residence was in his sightlines and he could feel that joy rising up within him that he rarely externalized. he thanked the driver and went up to the door, knocking twice in the way that he knew you would recognize.

"if this is another prank, i will never forgive him--" your voice muttered from inside, clearly loaded with restrained fury.

when was the last time he saw you? it doesn't matter, it had been too long. vil could write you galaxies of ink, and the quantity would never suffice. the planets would much sooner become supernovas than he would fall out of love with you. every single inch of you was nothing less than flawless to him.

"i'm sorry i'm late."

the silence was as thick as the snow piled up behind him. he paused and whispered, "i know. i should've--"

all of that was tossed to the wind as you wrapped your arms around him. rarely did he let you squeeze him into your embrace, but today he welcomed it, cherished it, he craved it after months without you.

you looked up at him and smiled, "it's okay. i knew you were going to come home."

he let out a playful scoff. "considering what you said after i knocked, i know you had your doubts. i do not blame you for one second." the tiniest of smiles appeared on his lips. "shall we?"

then he looked up after seeing your expectant look. mistletoe. "ah, a little surprise. very well, then." he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek.

you raised an eyebrow. "i don't remember that being the tradition."

"don't worry. i will make up for it."

"i missed you."

"i missed you more."

[livwritesstuff]

finally posted that alternating steve/mike-pov fic i've been teasing for ages (at 10pm last night like a lunatic)

In the Spring of 2002, Steve finally gets an answer to a question that has been floating in the background of his brain, the background of his life and the Party’s life like a distant storm cloud for almost fifteen years.

It’s 2002, and Steve is thirty-five, and, for the record, he really had no idea when he woke up that morning he’d be getting any kind of answers to any kind of questions.

This one (the floating one) is about Mike Wheeler, because Mike has been operating like a living question-mark ever since 1990, when he wrapped his car around a tree one night and skipped town before the next morning’s sun could rise, and then he spent the years that followed popping in and out of the rest of their lives like some kind of traveling ghost.

Honestly, Steve has kind of learned to live with it at this point, which sucks, obviously, but Steve’s also spent many years figuring out how to at least partially unlearn his tendency to dive headfirst into other people’s problems without at least considering what might be at stake for him.

“You know, you’re more than just the guy that shows up and helps people get out of shit, right?” Robin had told him once, “You deserve to, like, chase the things that make you happy, or whatever.”

So he did, and thank fuck for that, because now, years and years later, he gets to spend a lazy Saturday morning at home with Eddie, his partner of almost a decade now, and Moe, their eight-month-old foster placement they’re currently in the process of adopting.

Steve has said it before, but Moe has brought a kind of happiness to his world that he hadn’t known existed, and the fact that he and Ed have already had eight months with her is kind of baffling to him.

Eight months isn’t that long, Steve had thought, but then he looks at photos they’d taken all the way back during that first month of Moe’s life and can’t believe how little she’d been, can’t believe how big she’s gotten. She’s even started crawling over the past few weeks, which is totally bonkers because, hello, wasn’t it just yesterday she was this teeny little being, all fragile bones and pink skin and squawking cries? And now she’s crawling?

(Nancy gave him all sorts of shit when Steve recounted that milestone to her and Robin – “She’s not crawling backwards, though, right?” she’d said, the bastard).

So, yeah, long story short, Steve woke up this morning content with the idea of spending the entire weekend hanging around at home with Ed and Moe.

Now, Moe has just finished breakfast (she’s just started to eat solid(-ish) foods, which has made meals their own kind of adventure), and they’ve all migrated into the living room, Steve working on a puzzle and Ed poking around at the pieces, one eye on the Star Trek rerun playing on the TV, while they decide if there’s enough time before Moe’s nap to go on a walk.

And then the buzzer sounds.

And then the buzzer sounds again and again and again.

“The hell?” Steve mutters, looking towards the door with a perplexed look on his face.

“Robin?” Ed ponders, because she’s the only person he can think of who would find that kind of behavior acceptable.

“No…” Steve says slowly, “She and Nance are up in Montreal right now.”

“Alright…” Eddie replies, and still, their buzzer continues to ring over them unrelentingly, “Well, shit, I guess I’ll go see who it is.”

Ed, as Steve is more than well-aware, used to take the fuck around and find out approach to life more often than not. Eight-and-a-half months ago, Ed probably would have just let whoever’s outside into the building first and asked questions later, but that was eight-and-a-half months ago, and now they have Moe, and while Steve won’t speak for Ed, he’ll say for himself that the world seems a hell of a lot scarier now that it includes Moe. The way Ed leaves their apartment, closes the door firmly behind him as he heads down to see who could possibly be outside, instead of…well, any other course of action, speaks for itself better than Steve could that Ed might be feeling something like that too.

Now, it may be true that Steve is a worrier by nature, and it may also be true that those tendencies have skyrocketed ever since they met Moe, but right now he’s not actually all that worried. It’s probably Robin, back home from a work trip earlier than expected, or guests of a neighboring condo who’ve found themselves at the wrong building. It’s probably fine, but Steve still scoops up Moe from where she’d been playing on the rug with a plastic cup (surrounded by toys, Steve will add, but why play with colorful baby toys when her Dada’s abandoned dishware is available?).

Moe points to the door Ed had just locked behind him, then looks back at Steve like she’s making sure he’s looking too.

“Did Dada go outside?” he asks her, “Can you say Dada?”

(She can’t. Eight months is a little too early for first words, but it’s worth a shot).

Moe just continues to look back and forth between Steve and the door Ed had just vanished behind.

“He’ll be right back, sweet pea,” he tells her.

Indeed, Steve hears footsteps and voices out in the hall only a minute or two later, and then Ed is letting himself back into the apartment, and when he does, when he steps through the doorway, it’s with a look on his face like he’s just seen a ghost.

And then Ed steps to the side so Steve can see who'd been ringing their buzzer and he understands that Ed sort of has seen a ghost.

Because Mike Wheeler is standing in the doorway.

read the rest on ao3

[inbabylontheywept]

so i was having fun going through your lore tag, reading stories. most of them I read out-loud, cause reading tumblr posts to my not-tumblr husband is how i show love. the gopher-boming one brought me to tears with laughter cause of the vivid imagery and as someone who also grew up in arizona I know exactly the kind of person your grandfather was to hate gophers and cactus with such a passion. after all, i had several family members like that too. It's also been pretty neat realizing you're the guy behind a bunch of other posts I'd loved. the raw eggs one, the zombie chili garlic mint coco, the shoe incident. this was like christmas, finally overcoming my dumbass inability to recall names and faces that extends to usernames and avies in a way that blessed me with knowing it was YOU that cut all those worms in half and cried in a tree about it as a six year old. this has been fucking awesome.

anyways i started getting into your more recent stories and having fun with those, because well my husband is in the air force. so telling him stuff like the soviet pigeons one just had him nodding along solemnly as he is quite aware of the bullshit that goes on in government buildings. especially classified ones. as I got into the fridge hording one that mentioned you working on MISSILES - he realized something. there was a gasp from my side, and when i looked over a sort of dawning horror? delight? possibly both. and he said "oh my god. i've probably fucking met that guy. they do tours of the bases. oh my god" and I suddenly remembered that oh yeah, there's only like four places in the country people like you and he can work on that job.

when i reminded him you were in Utah now with that "woman that gunned it into the curb as was foretold" story he closed his eyes slowly in again the sort of realizing-and-coming-to-grips-with-that way. like he was remembering the stupid shit I'd been reading him since last night and hyper-aware that he's shook your hand at least once. he said there's no way hes ever going to meet those groups of you guys again without wondering which of them is babs. he's going to start complimenting their shoelaces. he's going to be thinking about the butter duck sculpture every time. and then he went to get his hair cut since its been out of regs for like a week

im not going to describe my appearance more than my abundance of cowlicks i mentioned before but he's gonna know when he meets babs. its not subtle.

[lastofthewardens]

SPOILERS i'll probably be talking about mostly foggy but also some other things so read at your own risk

alright. i said i'd wait until the end of the season to be mean, but now the season is over, and i have no reason to care or be cautious anymore.

i'm the most livid about the foggy stuff so i'm going to start there.

last week, when they revealed vanessa ordered the hit, i was pretty hopeful. but i thought about what this episode could look like over the past week, and i decided my worst case scenario was if it was confirmed that vanessa specifically wanted foggy dead. if that happened, it was over, and i wasn't going to let them fuck with my emotions anymore. that was my line in the sand.

and so here we are. because vanessa ordered dex SPECIFICALLY to kill him.

i really don't think, after seeing that finale, that foggy is coming back. i already didn't after watching the way they chose to film his death scene, but against my better judgment, i let myself believe as the season went on, especially this past week, and i wish i had just kept the same energy the whole time now because this hurts way more.

but i'm also kind of glad i didn't because it makes me more angry too.

i've said it before, but they've been outright cruel in the way they've handled things with foggy. they've laughed about wrecking everything, they've done really weird interviews saying frankly really weird things, they've directly teased brubaker on social media..

the most cruel part though, to me at least, is adapting foggy's fake "death" from the brubaker comics without it being fake. filming the scene with similar or at least comparable shots, the matt hearing his heartbeat stuff, having it be an ordered hit, having matt think fisk was behind it only to reveal it was vanessa, having all the necessary characters and puzzle pieces around, using so much of that plot.. and then stopping short of having foggy be alive. THAT'S fucked up.

they have, i believe intentionally if i'm being honest, strung foggy fans along for most of this season. they had to know they were inviting brubaker theories, they had to know people would hope, speculate, wish for an adaptation of the secret life of foggy nelson. there's no way they didn't know exactly what they were doing when they chose these plot points.

i complained about the "maybe i didn't want to give you an excuse" line back when it happened because it doesn't make sense for foggy to be complaining about daredevil anymore given where the original show left off. and even after how stupid it already was, they somehow managed to make this line even worse too?

because karen told matt that foggy saw the true matt, light and dark, matt/daredevil/etc, and believed in him anyway. so what the fuck was that line of dialogue from episode 1 then? lmao. WHY did they have him say THAT, especially as his last words to matt EVER? i allowed myself to hope that if foggy was alive, that line would be out of context, that maybe he knew the red hook stuff was connected to fisk, and he was hiding it because of the deal matt made with fisk/not wanting matt to potentially accidentally break their truce. in that case, the dialogue could be referring to not wanting to give matt an excuse (to break the truce). but no, he had no idea about any of that, he thought it was a random truck robbery apparently and had no clue what he stumbled into lmao. great.

the only explanation i can think of is that they had foggy say that because it assisted the plot. they wanted matt to feel bad and just did it, and then by episode 9, they probably forgot because it made no sense to begin with. that's part of the problem this show has btw. so many lines of dialogue and other stuff is entirely dictated by the plot or wanting to sound cool or be quotable rather than anything that makes sense for the characters. i'm still not fucking over "my mistake was believing i was immune to the darkness". what a wildly bad misread of the character, just a horrible line of dialogue. i don't know if there's any basis for that in other materials that i haven't seen, but in the netflix show iteration of this character, matt knowing he's got darkness inside is half the plot, dude.

speaking of character assassination though. cole n*rth is probably going to go through some weird redemption plot next season i'm sure, but uh. wow. the things they've done with him have certainly been a choice.

and kirst*n mcd*ffie.. hoo boy. she's one of my top 5 favorite characters in the comics. i see the potential in her scenes, but they wasted her the whole time and barely gave her anything, and i'm annoyed as fuck about that too. i would've loved to see this actress play her alongside matt and foggy like in the comics (and being able to include karen could've been fun).

i also just want to say.. i'm a mattfoggy first and foremost, i'm sure anyone reading my posts can gather that, it's very obvious. but i'm also a fan of matt x karen, it's my second favorite ship after mattfoggy. and in a world where foggy wasn't dead, i'd be glad to see them work it out, but. watching them use foggy's death as a prop to make that happen makes me mad as fuck. foggy deserves better, i think foggy fans probably feel that way, but i think matt x karen also deserves better than that. and while i understand people do bond over these things, the way they did it here just felt weird to me. i've felt this way since "i refuse to believe a tragedy had to destroy everything", which is something the real matt would NEVER say about foggy nelson being dead. comics matt and even netflix matt would NEVER. and the scenes about it tonight only made me feel that more.

some of those scenes also gave me the impression they think they can just replace foggy with karen, which will never be okay. karen is her own person with her own personality and her own function in the narrative. neither of them can replace the other, that's not how it works.

like the scene where karen tells matt how foggy felt about him.. why her telling him that? it literally makes sense, i guess, but why? why not have a foggy hallucination at some point express those things? or even when he's 'dying' after taking the shot for fisk, he could've talked to foggy if he's really dead? or even a foggy who came back from being dead! because those words would've meant a lot more after a foggy is alive reveal! karen telling him that stuff couldn't possibly have the same impact as foggy saying it after "maybe i didn't want to give you an excuse". (a stupid line of dialogue, yes, but if they chose to roll with it anyway and try to explain it away). can you imagine after matt thinks foggy hated daredevil, he reluctantly picks up the mask against "foggy's wishes", only for foggy to eventually come back and tell him he knows him and believes in him?

i've said it before and i'll say it again, this show, EVEN THE NEW EPISODES BY THE NEW TEAM, is mostly just missed opportunities: the show.

also i clocked the clumsy attempt to explain how fisk got out of prison and it just made me laugh. 'oh there was fbi corruption so that's why my husband got acquitted' LMAO. what a weak explanation for a plot point that should've been adequately handled but whatever.

extra side note just for a bonus.. the slowmo in the fight with matt, frank, and the police in matt's apartment was horrible. no idea why they did that. it actively made the fight seem worse than it was lol.

and i'll say one more thing. there's a world in which foggy is like.. in actual witpro or something. like for example if there's a case being built against fisk that we don't know about yet, and he's stuck in real witpro until fisk and vanessa are dealt with. i hesitate to say that because i honestly do not think that's happening at all, but i have to acknowledge that it's at least a small chance. resuscitated in the ambulance unbeknownst to everyone, hidden away by actual law enforcement who aren't corrupt... idk, i guess it's possible, right?

but i seriously don't think you guys should get your hopes up at all. i don't want anyone to be sad or hopeless or anything like that. it's just that i think the only real possibility of foggy coming back now in the capacity he deserves is if people are angry.

because i don't think these showrunners (or half the people involved tbh, despite 'we care a lot' lmao) give a fuck about foggy at all. it's transparently clear they bring him up to inject easy emotion into scenes and that's it. i mean, come on, the avocados at law thing? don't get me wrong, in a world where foggy's not dead i'd eat that fanservice up, but they're purposely invoking these things for a reason. which doesn't have to be bad but reads as pretty shitty in the context of everything else they've done. they're doing it because it's easy to make you emotional that way. they don't have to write better dialogue that way. nostalgia bait indeed.

so i think if you're mad, you should use that, you should be open about this foggy stuff on social media and wherever else (don't be aggressive or hateful though; if you are, you'll just get blocked or ignored, and it's better if they hear you out). because if everyone sings their praises for these last two episodes, they'll think no one cares, and they need to know people are unhappy or they'll just carry on.

i don't know why they have elden in season 2, or what foggy's role will be, but let them hear you. even if they've started to backtrack on their own (press x to doubt), speaking up would only be good for foggy either way. they need to know fans do care and aren't happy with this.

[tallwife]

Ive been kind of quiet about personal posts on here in the last year or so making my moves in silence so here's the full crazy rundown of how me and bf got together because all I've been doing really is make the occasional vague post but not expanded on it

Met this guy at a party about a decade ago (omg) when I was about 16/17 who I remember because I talked to him and this other boy about video games. Other boy was like a GIRL who GAMES??? And the guy was like 'obviously girls can play games lol' and I remember it well because it was funny and he was nice. Don't see him again

About 5 years ago meet the guy again, we don't make the connection for another few years that we've met before. He has a gf and is nice enough, but I don't know him very well yet

He hangs out with my friend group a lot and I click very well with him when we talk, but he's not on my radar because of aforementioned gf

I start a VERY tumultuous idiotic embarrassing situationship with one of his best friends aka the 'GIRLS CAN PLAY GAMES???' guy. I'm stupid and have feelings for him and on reflection it was insane. My heart is being ripped out constantly and I'm being toyed with

Meanwhile he and his gf break up and soon after he has a casual fwb thing with another one of my friends. So he's still not on my radar at all

As this is all going on me and him become very very good friends, its 100% just platonic and supportive. He finds out how badly his friend treated me and to my surprise he firmly takes my side on things and is a massive help and a great friend in this time, distances himself a little from situationship guy

We start to click and hang out constantly. We bond over being bi and other personal things and we have the same humour, nobody can make me laugh like him.

At this point about a year and a half ago, we probably hang out at least once a week. We have a cute weekly cinema habit and we talk about everything. I've never felt this comfortable and safe with a guy before. Start to realise he's also very much my type but I try to keep it out of my mind

He starts to get back into the dating world and I realise it makes me feel really nervous and sad. UNSURE WHAT TO DO. I worry that I am just feeling this way because of proximity and also that I am going to fuck things up if I ask about it. I also kind of fell into that trap of thinking 'if he liked me he wouldve already tried to make a move'. i start imagining how id feel if he got another partner longterm and it makes me feel really sad

About this time last year it's like I wake up one day and am like 'fuck I have feelings for him' but figure I just need to ignore it and get on with my life

Attempt to have a brat summer and affirm that I will find someone else and that these feelings will go away. By early July I realise this is IMPOSSIBLE and that I will need to tell him how I feel because he's the only person I ever look for at events and the person i think about all the time.

situationship guy leaves the continent and i never have to see him again HOORAY

A few of us go abroad in mid July. Hot country, us two and another friend, his gf and brother.

the whole time im TRYING to ignore my feelings but im 100% fallen in love and am so attracted to him. we have long late night chats over cigarettes on rooftops, late night swims, day trips by ourselves etc. so i realise i have to tell him how i feel or i'll regret it

almost have a heart attack from nerves but tell him on the last night of the holiday. feel like im going to get rejected and because hes slow to react and needs to process it im SURE hes rejecting me

we basically stay up all night talking about what this could mean, the implications if it goes wrong, can we stay friends if so, etc. but we do end up holding each other and falling asleep together.

the second we land back in ireland we go on a 40k+ step walk all day to discuss EVERY detail. at the end decide we're gonna try it and have a proper first kiss by the ocean AHHHHH

have our first date the next day

we fall crazy in love

both admit later on that we had BOTH been in love with each other for the past year and BOTH had resigned ourselves to never confessing it because we cherished our friendship so much and thought the other person would reject us

friends to lovers arc in real life complete

[butmakeitgayblog]

cruel intentions anon here 🥹 can u share something with us? like a small snippet or a scene you've scraped or idk just some ideas? I've read the fic twice but I fear I'm fr addicted to them 😭

Well I'll admit I don't have too much since I've started focusing on only one project at a time, but I have a bit of a oneshot that goes with this pic

Set a few weeks after the, ahem, conclusion of The Bet. Nothing smutty posted here unfortunately, but it will be. Oh it will be smutty. Clarke does not leave Lexa looking like that for no reason 😌

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're whistling.

Honest to God, actually whistling. 

A jaunty little tune devoid of melody and structure. Nothing more than a slow sling of notes that doesn't really have any direction in particular, because the point isn't the song itself. 

It's the mood.

And that mood is… happy.

So, so fucking happy. 

Terrifyingly, unmitigatedly, euphorically fucking happy.

It's weird and you hate it, and it's embarrassing to even think about, but you wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. 

And really, who could blame you. Not when life has never been this good. All rose colored glasses and kiss-filled memories that dance like bubbly champagne around the empty space in your head.

You genuinely don't think anyone has ever been as blissful in the existence of the world as you are right now when the doors of the elevator slide open, and you swagger your exceptional ass into your penthouse's bottom floor. 

You drop your purse on the bench and toss your keys on the countertop, praying it leaves a scratch for your stepmother to have a stroke over. Just for the hell of it. You undo the clip and feel your hair untwist in tousled ringlets draped sensually across your shoulders. 

You whistle a few more notes, and contemplate grabbing something to eat, before deciding there's nothing else in the world that you need.

Because you're in love. 

And it's that love that keeps you smiling as you walk down the hall, adding an extra click in your steps just to hear the crispness reverberate off the walls you don't pay for. It's that same love that makes your heart race as you slam the antique handles down and throw open the parlor doors with a flourish, lightheaded and so goddamn euphoric you would fucking hate the chipperness for them if it were anyone else.

It's that love that makes you so stupid that you don't even bother to look around before your eyes land on her. Beautiful and formidable as she stands behind the bar. Her lips purse at the shotgun bang of the doors, but she doesn't even jump, and her control next to your chaos makes you love her even more.

“Miss me?” you burst in with a deep chested purr.

Because you're in love and you love her and you absolutely want her to know it.

You just… don't know how to fucking say it.

Not yet.

Grey-green eyes widen like a warning shot, darting from you to the corner of the room and right back again, so quickly you would've missed it if you hadn't been staring quite so hard.

“Not particularly, no,” she snips in that contemptuous drawl of hers without missing a beat, and pops the cork back on a bottle of gin that costs more than your semester's tuition. 

You, belatedly, follow her eyes to the corner of the room and see your housemaid diligently running a duster across the frame of your great-grandfather's portrait. 

Fuck.

Your heart drops right down to your asshole, but you send up a silent prayer of thanks because at least you hadn't tacked on the pet name ‘lover’ like you'd been using so much as of late. 

That's been the closest you could get.

But Sherri doesn't seem to have heard you. Or at least she doesn't pay you any mind, not having paused from her work for even a fraction of a second at your grand entrance and social faux pas.

You stand frozen, staring at Lexa still working her magic behind the bar, adding a splash of something red to a drink before taking a sip and grimacing at its taste.

She smacks her lips and shakes her head and sets the drink back down like it's personally offended her. 

You frown at the whole display because you know she's not even a gin girl.

“Sherri,” she calls in that sweet little voice she reserves for the people she actually cares if they like her. 

“Yes, Miss Lexa,” your faithful maid answers, immediately stopping to look over.

Huh.

Apparently her hearing is just fine.

Delicate fingers discreetly land on your stomach as she passes, trailing down to your hips and snagging the bottom hem of your sweater, yanking just so to send you stumbling several feet away from the door and out of the way.

“You should take the evening off,” Lexa says once she's left you off-balance in her wake. “Go enjoy life for a change.”

“Oh, I don't think—” Sherry starts but cuts off at the soft tisk from Lexa's lips. 

“No. No. Now, there is simply nothing to think about, because that was not a suggestion, my chérie.”

You smile at the lilt of her teasing. Always in awe, because for the life of you, you'll never understand how she manages to be such a condescending bitch while still sounding so innocent. So warm and pleasant. 

And to be fair, it really hadn't been a suggestion. 

You stand forgotten in the late afternoon shadows and watch as she closes in on your maid like a huntress. All sculpted calves and four inch heels. Hands tucked daintily behind her back.

“But your mother—”

“Will never know,” Lexa whispers, bringing one long, sexy finger up to press against the pout of her smile. “I can keep a secret if you can…”

Sherri sighs in her defeat and shakes her head with the fondness of an exasperated mother, and you wonder if there's anyone this girl can't charm off their feet.

Lexa preens.

“Good. Now, a little birdy told me it was your birthday this weekend.” She pauses just long enough for your maid to nod in surprise. “And, well… I guess I just couldn't help myself.”

You cross your arms and make yourself comfy by settling a shoulder against the wall. More than thrilled to just sit back and take in the show as this fucking magician pulls out a bracelet from goddamn nowhere. 

She hushes the woman's flustered coughs, ignores hands slipping through greying red hair and automatic dismissals of, “no, Miss Lexa, this is—I couldn't possibly.” She soothes it all with honeyed words of reliability and sacrifice and devotion to our comfort, all while clasping the understated but opulent chain to an overworked wrist, connected to a woman who doesn't seem to quite know what to do with herself. Nimble fingers twist and turn the apparently well-thought-out gift so it lays perfectly in place, admiring her own exquisite taste in jewelry more than anything, you already know.

You wonder when the hell she got so thoughtful. 

She ushers the woman out with a firm, guiding hand to her back, mouth tipped in a demure smile as she assures her, this is exactly what she wants. 

The parlor doors close much more gently than when you'd entered through them, and she spins gracefully on her heel, looking so fucking pleased with herself.

You hold her eyes. 

Uncross your arms.

And slowly, loudly, begin to clap.

“Well aren't you made of sugar and spice and everything nice, Miss Lexa.”

She pinches the sides of her skirt and fans them out, dipping into a mere suggestion of a curtsey.

You move as though to reach for her because it's been six hours too long since you've had your hands on that body, but her pleasantries drop away as she sends you a scowl and slips just out of reach. 

“Next time, have a touch more decorum when entering a room,” she sighs over the authoritative clack-clack of her heels. “I had just gotten that bracelet. Didn't even have a chance to wear it out yet.”

Ah.

Now that makes more sense.

Fuck, you love how good she is at thinking on her feet.

“No one told you to kiss her ass with jewelry, for fucks sake,” you mutter despite the efficacy of her brilliance because really, she always had to be so damn extra about everything. 

“It was all I had, and thanks to someone,” she says with a pointed edge, “I didn't exactly have time to figure out another distraction. And since I'm fairly certain she at least already knows we're sleeping together, I'd much rather stay in her good graces. I can handle losing a bracelet in exchange for…”

She trails off and vaguely gestures to the air between you. 

The thought alone of someone else knowing makes you want to vomit. 

You cross your arms tighter. 

“Why do you think that she knows?”

That evil fucking brow of her flits up when she looks at you like you're an idiot.

“Because you're not quiet, and she's not stupid, and half of Greenwich knows what you sound like when you come.”

You grit your teeth and wonder if it's worth reminding her who came on your fingers while loudly calling your name last night, but when she struts her perfectly bubble shaped ass back over to the bar, you ultimately decide that, no, it is in fact not worth it.

Apparently done with the minor complication of your eagerness and the conversion as a whole, she picks up the drink you'd all but forgotten and holds it out at arm's length, letting it dangle from the mere tips of her elegant fingers. 

“For you, my darling.”

You still haven't figured out exactly what she's playing at when she calls you that, because you know she is never sweet for nothing. You know there has to be a barb in there somewhere. Some sort of slight on your character or something. She shouldn't just call you ‘darling’ for no reason… But for the life of you, when she looks at you like this - like you're the only thing that matters in her broad and expansive world - you can't figure what it could possibly be.

“Gin and… cherries?” you ask when you take the glass and give a tiny sniff of the drink. 

She smiles indulgently and twists away to retake her place behind the bar, and suddenly her grimace from her sip before makes sense.

She hates sweet drinks.

Well.

Unless she's kissing the taste of them from your lips. 

“So is this what we're doing now?” You examine your drink closer. It doesn't look poisoned anyway. “It's this what we've become?”

She hums in question as she picks up a second shaker and stirs the contents. You watch her grab a martini glass and begin to pour her own crystal clear drink and, yes, that's much more her style.

You truly are fucking a master mixologist. Which you suppose is bound to happen considering she's been making drinks for one person or another since the tender age of thirteen…

“My kingdom for some context, darling,” she murmurs when you're too enamored to answer, popping an olive into her glass and taking a healthy sized pull, moaning at the taste.

You down half your bramble in one go and traipse yourself around the back of the bar.

Setting the drink down at her side, you put your empty hands to much better use. Drift your fingers across the soft dip of her back and trace her hips, holding her steady as you press in and drape yourself along the length of her.

“Acting like a vintage married couple,” you clarify in a whisper. You reach up and pull her hair aside to expose the delicious expanse of her neck, and you wonder in what lifetime you actually managed to do something good enough to deserve the way she tips her head to the side to give you more access. 

You mouth slow, wet kisses along the sensitive spot just behind her ear as she sighs, “Is that what this is?”

“You tell me, pretty girl.” You smile against her skin when she shudders at the name. “Waiting for me to come home to you. Having a drink ready. Did you make me a special little dinner to eat as well?”

And you're still getting used to this.

This thing with her you've been playing at for the last couple of weeks. This truce or whatever it is that leaves you so off balance you never know which end is up.

Because you've never had something like this. 

Because where you expect a scoff and a rebuff of your entire charade, she only presses harder into you with a sensual groan. Where you expect her to fling your hands away and shove you off of her entirely as she would have before, she merely sets down her glass, and kisses your lips, and covers your hands with her own.

"Not in your wildest dreams, my love," she whispers with an adoring grin, and kisses you deeper again.

[apollabarnes]

part one // part two // part three // part four // part five // part six // part seven // part eight // part nine

"what happened to 'using our flight time to get a little me time'?" tommy asks, looking over at lucy. "aren't you normally back there?"

"first of all, as your copilot i'm always near the controls," lucy mock gasps, clasping a hand over her heart, "second of all, if athena grant called you there's a chance that…"

tommy nods in agreement. there is a chance that.

"it's actually higher since she called you off official channels," lucy continues, "they're more alike than anyone wants to consider."

"seems like you've considered it," tommy jokes. he doesn't tell her about athena kissing bobby in the loft and evan kissing him at the hospital. it had nearly knocked tommy on his ass when athena told him. then she'd followed it up with the one-two punch of her 'move in with me/let's get married' story. happier ending than his, at least.

"had to entertain myself somehow when i broke my leg," lucy shrugs, checking the instruments. "so why did athena call you? and not…"

he's going to have to remind her to actually say evan's name if he's actually with athena and gets in the helicopter.

"you know that standing dinner date i've had for the last few months that i refuse to tell you about?"

"holy shit, kinard. that's…" the surprise in lucy's voice is genuine. if they were on the ground, she'd swoon dramatically onto the nearest piece of furniture.

"weird?" tommy offers wryly.

"that's one way of putting it. how did that even happen?" lucy laughs, the sound carried away by the rotors.

"long story."

"i'll need something to entertain myself with in the unemployment line. get ready to share."

tommy snorts. "that's why she was the one that called me." he very firmly doesn't consider the other reason that she was the one calling, instead of evan — because he's the one in trouble.

"i gotta know, does she pick up the bill or do you?"

"why does that matter?"

"i'm trying to gauge just how weird—" lucy cuts herself off as they start descending, peering out the windshield. "feeling pretty good about sitting up front right now."

tommy can feel his tension headache start to disappear. evan's not — but someone is. if evan and athena are both here, then that means — "bobby." he glances at the travel mug he's got stashed in the seat pocket.

lucy swears under her breath. she opens the rear door as soon as they land, sticking her head out. "all aboard dk airlines! we take you where you need to go and then straight to the unemployment office!"

"that's not funnier the third time," tommy huffs, looking into the backseat, "grab a headset, everyone. we're on a closed channel."

"we've got until," lucy checks her watch, "four before anyone knows the bird is missing. let's hope this can get done in thirty minutes or less?"

"not a pizza delivery, donato. thanks for the ride, tommy."

"any time, athena."

he catches evan's gaze in the rear view, sees him mouth 'athena?' to himself. in any other situation — okay, if they were still dating — tommy would be tempted to crack a joke about a support group for people involved with members of the 118. he should start it. and invite karen.

"what's going on?" evan asks, looking between them.

"tommy and sergeant grant have super secret dinner plans almost every week. he told me on the way over," lucy tells evan gleefully.

athena sighs heavily, speaking over lucy. "we need to get to socal tech as soon as possible. you know where that is?"

"we're familiar." tommy tacks left, heading east. he tries not to think about the fact that the few times they've been there, it's with a biohazard sample. he eyes the cooler at athena's feet.

"go back to this dinner thing," evan demands, leaning forward between the seats. athena yanks him back.

"sometimes it's breakfast," tommy says before he can stop himself.

evan makes a disgruntled noise. it's his way of calling tommy an idiot. fair enough.

"oh my god, tommy, how long?"

"we ran into each other a few months ago and i invited him out for coffee," athena answers for him. "and then we decided to keep meeting for dinner."

"why?"

"because he's cool," athena says.

[blorb-el]

hello, hope you have a good day!

i was lurking on your blog (mostly for your very (imo) based clark kent takes - he has been living rent free in my head for a couple of months now but im also not really familiar with older, pre-crisis comics and kryptonese in general, and also 'we shall be free we shall find peace' haunts me at least once a week and i have feelingsTM about it) and stumbled upon the posts about hoping and 'kaoshahrodh' came up as the tag for those, so i just wanted to know where that phrase came from?

;w; thank you!

kaoshahrodh is a word I've been mulling over for... I guess it's been multiple years now. It's Kryptahniuo - the fan-created conlang that became pseudo-official when the CW used it as their version of spoken Kryptonian. The creator maintains a website with information in it as well as the forms of Kryptonian used in the comics at kryptonian.info.

The literal meaning: shahr is the root of hope. (Shahrrehth is the noun form). Kao- is the imperative prefix, and -odh is the present simple verb suffix. From my understanding, the simple present in Kryptahniuo indicates a habitual state (ex. instead of saying "I am a runner," it's like saying "I run" to mean something similar). Except here it's imperative.

It's what I believe the S stands for.

You'll see Superman referred to, by DC and by fans and occasionally in-universe, as some sort of personification of hope. Usually this results in Superman smiling placidly and Midwesternly while giving a speech and then not lifting a finger to do something, or trying to do one (1) thing and immediately getting shot down so the writers can have someone else be useful, or maybe wringing his hands and being very Solemn and Sad over not being able to do something because he has to stay this ~personification of hope.~

I think this is bullshit, and bad writing besides. Hope, for Superman, is not a noun. It's a verb.

Hope is a command. You must hope. You must believe that the world can be a better place than it is right now. And you must believe that your actions can bring that better world closer. That symbol was what Jor and Lara wrapped their baby in as they sent him into the void of space. I don't usually headcanon Kryptonians as literally Jewish, speaking Hebrew, all that, but I think of it as a kind of echo of tikkun olam. Or at least my limited understanding of it, not having studied Jewish philosophy.

Hope is Action. I first understood the Idea of Superman six issues into Birthright. This goddamn comic, written in 2003, spoke to the sickness and the fury and the helplessness that I think all of us feel, sometimes, when we hear about school shootings; rereading it in 2022, it's amplified by the horror of repetitions in the intervening years. One minute ago, I saw a little girl screaming because she was staring down the barrel of a gun. She was nine, and she will remember it for the rest of her life. Doesn't that set rage into you, too? Superman breaks the glass, reaches for a gun, and shoots the gun seller. There's a fury in all of us, I think, when we see injustice. There's a kid in all of us that learned what fairness was and never forgot. When we're hurt, many of us, we want to hurt back.

Superman catches the bullet he fired an inch away from the man's face. Now you will, too. He doesn't kill the gun seller. With all his power, with all his rage, with the absolute clarity of his storybook moral compass, he makes the man understand, on a primal level, just what he has allowed to happen. He didn't fucking sit there on a cloudy sunlit throne of softboy feelgood platitudes and hope that people would be nicer. He acted. Hope is an imperative action.

(In a more... self-centered way, it's also a command to stay alive. There have been times in my life I needed that reminder. Sometimes you can't see. Sometimes you can't get yourself to reason that things will get better, that someday you'll feel like you belong, that people care about you. That's when you need the work of hope. To get out of bed. Someday, if you get out of bed enough times, if you pilot your body through enough days, keeping it alive, if you grope in the dark for help - you will be able to believe that you deserve to be alive.)

Elliot S! Maggin once said something along the lines of: writing a Superman story is very easy, and all of them (all of his, at least) come down to one thing. In any given situation, if you had all the power in the world, what would be the right thing to do? You and I, we're not Superman. We don't have all the power in the world. But we have some power. Kaoshahrodh asks: how can things be better? And how can we act to make it so?

superman: birthright #6, 2004, script mark waid, pencils leinil yu, inks gerry alanguilan, colors dave mccaig, letters comicraft

[cementcornfield]

Draft Thoughts

okay, a week (and a day) out from the draft and i feel like rambling about it. this is only my second year paying attention in the offseason so, you know, grain of salt!

so the conventional wisdom is that you should always draft players, not positions. you shouldn't corner yourself into having to reach for a player that isn't as good because you need that position, versus getting an amazing player at a position that would just be a luxury (for example, if somehow jeanty falls to us at 17 and we don't grab him because we want a guard or something).

perhaps someone should tell the bengals that though, or, maybe they have and the katie and duke just rolled their eyes are assured whoever told them that actually they are MUCH smarter than you, we know what we're doing (not spending enough in FA and then having to draft for need thus practically guaranteeing reaching/taking risky picks) and then they wonder why their drafts go so poorly 🙃

but what's fun about this year is we have SO MANY needs that in a way, we /can/ draft best player available because more than likely, we need whatever position that player is (unless they're a QB or WR lol). so maybe it /does/ work out this time?? that's my glass half full take at least!!

here are some scenarios i'd be happy with:

R1 pick 17: i want us to start with a DT. we need interior pass rush because we have NOTHING right now. literally nothing. and some people don't think it's a need because last year we drafted both jenkins and jackson, and paid BJ and TJ this offseason. which is fair, BUT those are all run blockers/stuffers. they stop the run, they're all either bad to terrible at affecting the passer in anyway. (plus, it's not like the new DC drafted jenkins and jackson last year, maybe he wants to get his own guy??) and if we want a true game changer on our defense, i think it starts here. more pass rush means less time for lamar/patrick/josh/jayden to just hang around the pocket for years while our DBs eventually lose their coverage battles (because who can cover for 12 fucking seconds??). and if we want that game changer, i think we need to do it in the first round, second round at the absolute latest. while it IS a deep DT class, there aren't a lot of pass rushing game wreckers that will last that long.

i'd be happy with either walter nolen or derrick harmon here. leaning slightly towards nolen. both aren't perfect (nolen went to a few different high schools/colleges which is a bit of a red flag, but his explanations check out to me. while harmon is big and disruptive but isn't the best tackler).

and honestly that seems to be what all the whisperings from my beat guys indicate?? almost every prediction the last few weeks has been that we'll grab one of them, and these guys all have their ears to the ground at paycor 👀

however, i also wouldn't be at all mad (in fact i'd be thrilled) if we got a premium guard at 17 like kelvin banks. or one of the top safeties - starks or emmanwori just because that's also a position of need, and pretty top heavy (but i feel like we can still get a decent safety later on). i've also heard people wanting edge here but tbh i don't like any of the edge guys projected for R1 and there's good depth here. plus trey IS coming back (i KNOW IT), and while i don't have the most faith in myles, i can allow myself to believe his brother on twitter that Actually he'll be good this year (lol). and joseph ossai is someone i've always thought was better than how lou used him!

R2 pick 49: this is where i want us to get a guard. and i'm so serious if we wait past this round i'm losing my fucking mind on here in front of all of you (not that i haven't done this before!) we've been meeting with a lot of guards that are projected to go in this round, so it seems like the bengals are on the same page. a few guys who could apparently start day 1 that i like: jonah savaiinaea, donovan jackson, and tate rateledge. all of them are strong in pass protection (and decent at least against the run) which, is obviously what we need for a QB like joe. savaiinea and jackson have position versatility in that they could also potentially play tackle for us if needed. rateledge might be able to do that too, but he's only got experience at guard so it wouldn't be as seamless as the other two. but what he DOES have in his favor is that he played right next to amarius at georgia for a few years, so that chemistry is already established which could be huge. (he also has a beautiful mullet). i'd be happy with any of these guys if they fall to us, leaning tate rateledge if only for the vibes, but again, satisfied with any of them.

if however we get a guard like banks in the first round, then this is where i feel like we'd need to grab the best pass rusher available, which, if the board falls our way, could be TJ Sanders. great college production, versatile, but just not quite as polished as the two i like in the first round.

as for R3-R6 (keep in mind that, at this time, unless we somehow wrangle up a decent trade back, we don't have a 7th round pick 🥲) i'm less picky. especially because i can't really know what i want here until we see R1-R2. but i'll be feeling so much better if we nail that interior pass rush and pass protection. then i feel like we honestly could be free to just do best defensive player available. we definitely need safety help. we definitely need linebacker help. those positions are typically drafted in this range. and while they probably wouldn't be instant starters, we should be able to find at least some higher floor rotational guys.

i will say that paul dehner has convinced me i want a runningback in round 5. apparently that's the sweet spot for a loaded RB class this year, so i 'll take one! i haven't done any research on individuals though, but like, RB has one of the highest rookie year success rates. i'm sure we can find someone to be RB2 between chase and samaje (who. bless his heart. i love him. but he's gotta be RB3).

if y'all wanna do some more research in the upcoming week, i HIGHLY recommend this spreadsheet made by joe goodberry and a few other guys. a lot of great data in there and he's got great further analysis on his twitter/youtube channel.

you could also keep an eye on the locked on bengals guys (on youtube and twitter) and paul dehner's youtube channel and his draft series in the athletic. they've got good analysis too AND 100% have sources on the inside because they have gotten very very good at predicting who the bengals are going for (nailed mims last year, and thus /i/ nailed mims last year 🔥)

would love to hear all of your thoughts too if you wanna share!

[roomwithanopenfire]

Stats Wednesday

I am many days late for sharing my March stats, but I still want to share! I have not written any words at all in many days, but i'm begining to write again. This post is kinda long, so expect graphs, stats, and musings under the cut. And I promise there IS a snippet down there somewhere :)

I posted 1 thing in March, and it was technically posted April 1st, but I'm counting it as March since that's when I finished writing it. It's a short ronance one shot for Stranger Things, if that interests any of you!

Total words written for March: 14516 (despite me falling off the writing wagon in the last week of the month this still beats Feb by 100 words!)

Days I met my writing goal (200 words): 24!

Days I didn't write or edit anything: 6

Day I wrote the most: Mar 2nd with 2422 (this beats last month's highest WC of 2249!)

Number of Fics worked on: 9 (but a bunch of these are small oneshots I'm hoping to finish for Carry On Sapphic Week!)

Daily Average: 468 words (but like always i am highly inconsistent and my WC varies wildy depending on the day)

And here's my WC distrubution pie chart!

You get to know the WIP name of SECRET project (Letters) now (not that knowing the name makes anything clearer lol). Also I worked a lot on THTHIPWGI last month, which was going to be a longer fic for COSW, but tbh I don't think I'll finish it anytime soon and it's probably doing to be on the back burner for a bit. Here's hoping I'll get to it one day.

Some thoughts:

I am very glad I decided to backtrack and make this post because i thought I written hardly anything in the month of March, but actually it was only a week of no writing and i'm doing amazing

However I have not written a word since March 25, but I started writing again yesterday so I'm back on the wagon. april's word count will likely be pretty low, but that's okay because i'm SO busy with school and stuff. Soon I will be free.

I should stop making promises about The Way We Are. i have such a love/hate relationship with that fic. I love it so much, but it's the hardest thing i've ever written, and i feel like the amount of effort it takes does not show in the final product. I literally have just one scene left to write it should NOT be taking this long. If you look at my chart it looks like i wrote a LOT of words but most of those have since been deleted.

There are two (2) reasons I haven't been writing as much. 1) i've been a bit of a funk. 2) I binged watched all 120+ episodes of 9-1-1 in less than 3 weeks and have since read many tens of thousands of words of fanfiction. Sorry to everyone who will now be subjected to my reblogs, i'm going insane. (also sorry if you're someone i've dmed since starting this show, it is like ALL i've been talking about)

My plans for COSW are kind of doomed, but I WILL be finishing at least 1 fic, you can count on that.

WAIT I forgot that I started a new fest last month too??? Okay, i need to stop beating myself up, I did a lot in March actually. Check out @carry-on-many-cakes, a very lowkey fest that me and @the-beard-of-edward-teach are running!!

Snippet from The Way We Are

The line inches closer to the door, and I take in the signs by the entrance.  Ghosts and ghouls must remain corporeal at all times. Please don’t touch the three-headed dog. All vampires are welcome here. (A sign that will help Marjorie and I cross the threshold.) Absolutely no mages allowed. I frown at the last one, thinking about my wand tucked into my arm holster.

Tags and Hellos!

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@raenestee @rimeswithpurple @run-for-chamo-miles @shrekgogurt @simonscones

@skeedelvee @supercutedinosaurs @sweetronancer @talentpiper11 @thewholelemon

@valeffelees @youarenevertooold @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[saucerfulofsins]

I've spent all week thinking about Eddie's absence last episode... and I don't know. It really feels so intentional to me? Like... yes. They could have included him. His army expertise would have been helpful in the genre's canon.

But then also, with this being a two-parter I do think he plays a role in this somehow (even if that role is "being absent" - which they'd have to make more explicit).

More support for this thought: Why else would they randomly have a two-part disaster in the middle of the season? I don't think they'd start or end a season while Eddie is away from the 118; they love drama and teasing us, but not to that extent, I don't think.

And idk. I don't have enough information yet to form a fully coherent thought... But there just is something about how noticeable the gap Eddie's left is, and has been, and the episode has done its best to remind us of that (albeit in less overt ways than Buck's spiraling the week before).

When I think about it, there's a whole list:

Buck going for drinks with Ravi. We've seen him drink with Eddie at home plenty of times, and somehow they're outside. He also gives Ravi advice, the same way he's been doing with Eddie (i.e. a more guiding/mature/mentor-like role).

Ravi stepping up, at the risk of his own career/life (if we consider imprisonment the end of life which for this purpose I will). He finally has become a "real" part of the 118, which to me feels less about Eddie (possibly least of all) and more about a contrast with Tommy, as well as the reinvigorated found-family themes this season tbh. This is more about Ravi choosing to be part of the family, versus there only being space for him now that Eddie's gone.

Chim and Hen both being incapacitated. Having a third medic in that lab would have been incredibly helpful - especially since the season really hammered home that this is one of Eddie's specialisms.

The army involvement, about which I needn't say more.

Buck being singled out. This to me mirrors all the times Eddie was in danger and Buck was there to save him. I still think this is part of why he's not in quarantaine with the rest, to show how he is not losing his mind the way he would've been if Eddie'd been in there instead of Ravi.

Like... I'm not writing this to tell people they can't be upset with the show, or that nobody should miss Eddie. I'd say this is a neutral take on the situation, except that would be a lie because I think the way the episode's been set up means we're actually meant to miss Eddie in a show-don't-tell kind of way, because he is a part of the 118. So I guess to emphasize the need for Eddie there, either in purely practical terms, or in his belonging to the family.

But yeah... what the outcome will be? Who knows. (Although I am prepared for something hugely anticlimactic). Idk I just wanted to write this out because I keep mulling it over, and I want to know what the intent here is, because the 911 disasters usually serve to highlight one or more aspects of interpersonal relationships between the main characters.

[maskeraith]

Thinking about this info from the site of the gender identity clinic I've been on the waiting list for for 6 years, how it implies I have at least 2 more to go

Thinking about the 5000 people, for this one clinic alone, waiting 8+ years for a first appointment. Likely to take another year from that point to even get their hands on hormones

Thinking about how uk patients are supposed to have a legal right to a first appointment within 18 weeks of a referral

The decision to start diy hrt 6 months ago saved my life, no exaggeration - how I am now, I just can't see how I was before as truly living. I'm one of the lucky ones who survived that time

Thinking about how they took 6 years of my life from me, how they're currently doing the same to 5000 other people referred to this clinic alone

I'll never be able forgive them for this, start diy now, because they clearly don't care about your life

[dendrofiles]

❀ clem the florist ❀

HERE'S THE POI I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WAOOO. baileylovers arise <3

full name: clementine faherty

age: 25

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: asexual, ???romantic

species: human

birthday: april 30

height: 5'8" (173 cm)

hair color: ginger

eye color: light green

job: florist

sign: taurus

mbti: esfj

about

clem is the owner of the florist shop on domus street, which is across the street from the orphanage. it's a bit strange that there's a store in the residential area, but clem has his reasons, and it's a cute store so the neighbors don't seem to mind. he renovated an old house and turned it into a pretty little cottage, with the store on ground level and clem's apartment on the top floor.

clem is perhaps the least traumatized person in dolville. he went to the orphanage as a baby, and knows nothing about his parents. the old caretaker gave him the last name "faherty" because he looked irish lol. clem was present for the last decade of the old caretaker's reign, although he doesn't remember it all that well. bailey took control of the orphanage when he was 10.

clem is a very kindhearted, gentle, and caring person. he has managed to stay a virgin and stay untraumatized despite living in this town. he was able to make all his payments to bailey on time, despite the steep price.

now, in this world, i like to think bailey is asexual, and not necessarily aromantic, but he doesn't experience romantic attraction too often. he had the one love when he was a teenager, and has only used sex as a way to let off steam rather than as a vessel for attraction. but, when clem turns 18, and becomes this strong, powerful, self-sufficient individual while still retaining his kindness, bailey veeery slowly falls for him. he's in denial about it, and he also thinks that he's way too poisonous for clem. that being with him would only hurt clem. so, he lets clem leave the orphanage and helps him buy the house across the street- far enough from bailey to keep him safe, but close enough so bailey could still protect him.

but! clem is also in love with bailey. they both think it's unrequited because they're idiots lmao. but clem always leaves little gifts in bailey's office. clem gets along well with bailey's snake, and even has two snakes of his own!! (their names are rosie and basil btw hehe) AND, bailey often asks him to cultivate poisonous flowers, which clem does in a heartbeat. he doesn't know what bailey does with them, and he doesn't want to. also bailey is the only person to call him "clemmie" instead of clem. bailey started doing that of his own volition, but if anyone else tries to call clem that, clem will shut! it! down!

relationship

you can't romance clem. sorry. his heart belongs to bailey. but, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to cultivate a relationship with him, because having clementine at high love can procure benefits for the pc.

there are two ways to earn money from the flower shop: you can either 1) work there directly or 2) sell flowers and collect the payments. both of these raise clem's love stat, although the former raises it faster.

you can also increase clem's love by talking to him about your problems. clem likes to help people, and this will decrease stress and trauma for the player. clem is also willing to help with schoolwork, specifically science work, since that's his specialty!

once you have clem at high love (~80%), he can help you with your payments to bailey. if you'll be able to make your payment that week if you earn just a liiittle more money, clem will happily increase your wages for working at the flower shop. if you're significantly under and won't be able to make the payment no matter what you do, clem will put a good word in with bailey and get him to decrease the fee. (don't try to do this multiple weeks in a row, though- if clem comes to bailey multiple weeks in a row on your behalf, bailey will think that you're using clem, and he will instead be harsher on you)

additionally, once you have clem at high love, an event will trigger where bailey shows up to the flower shop while you're working there. the player will notice how bailey calls the florist "clemmie," how clem gets really red in the face around bailey, how they already have bailey's exact order ready, and how clem sends bailey off with a small gift (a new tea blend!) before he leaves. once this event occurs, the player can undergo the process of setting clem and bailey up. this is beneficial to the player because it will massively increase bailey's love and decrease the amount he charges you each week. though this comes with the caveat of you do need to maintain clem's love and not upset him, because how well you treat clem is directly proportionate to how well bailey treats you.

i have more to say about clem and bailey and them getting together because i am SO brainrotten. and i have been holding back talking about clem bc i need to focus on the fearsome foursome (my pcs lmao). but i was in a clem mood today so here he is :3