#not that i haven't done the exact same shit (because i absolutely have) but like. christ.

[tmblrkid]

i think its okay for people to be upset when people who were important to their childhood die. like, its not impossible for people to be upset about someone dying and to be upset that said person was also a bad individual. people are multifaceted and i think social media has warped the way a lot of you treat grief and those around you as a whole.

[ms-demeanor]

Sometimes college professors like to hop on my posts lamenting the sorry state of syllabi these days and joke about how they haven't thought that far ahead in the course themselves, or talk about how they struggle to complete a schedule for their students.

With all due respect, that's your job. If you can't do your job, you should have a different job. If you need help, ask your colleagues or your department chair or *someone* because I know that professors aren't given a hell of a lot of education on how to educate, so you probably *need* help.

But every single time I make one of those posts I get anywhere from ten to thirty messages, replies, reblogs, and asks say "oh man, that's exactly why I had to drop out of school; I couldn't keep up with the assignments because I didn't know when they were due until the week they were due."

I have been a college student in three separate decades, and "not having a schedule of assignments in the syllabus" is new to my experience. That shit didn't fly in the 2000s or 2010s and I think it likely has to do with professors being overly reliant on apps.

AT A MINIMUM your syllabus should have:

Contact information (including preferred method of contact) for the professor

Office Hours

Grading Policy

Assignment schedule.

Your assignment schedule doesn't necessarily need to have the exact page numbers of every reading or a full assignment sheet for each project, but it should have things like:

December 1st - Major Project 3 second draft due December 9th - Quiz 10 December 12th - Major Project 3 final draft due December 15th - Final Exam

If you end up presenting a more thorough schedule with readings and homework later, that is acceptable to present a week or two into the semester but it is absolutely insane to me that students these days don't know what homework they're going to have to get done over Thanksgiving break during the first couple weeks of class.

If I had three professors at once who didn't give me a schedule, how on earth would I know if I was going to have to read three chapters of a novel, take a midterm and turn in two stats homework assignments, and complete a history research paper the same week that I'm planning to travel to see family? If I'm aware of this from the beginning of the semester I can make sure not to pick up extra shifts, or I can plan to leave a day later to accommodate the midterm, or I can start working on the paper early to complete it before the due date but if I don't know what's going to be due when, I'm going to have a big problem.

If you don't give your students a schedule you are communicating that you don't care about their schedule, and that you think it's their responsibility to contort their life (and their job, and their other classes) around your class, and honestly my advice to students in that situation is "drop in the first week and pick up another class". That's actually part of why I recommend signing up for one more class than you can really manage - if you get a professor whose class looks like it's going to be a disaster because they don't have a schedule, you can bail before the withdrawal period and get a refund for the class.

I'm only in one class this semester but the professor's response has fully dropped me into "Fuck it, I guess I'll fail" mode and I don't even know if I can pull myself out of my current D grade because I don't know how many assignments we have left in the semester.

This is a shitty way to run a class. If you can't do better than this, you shouldn't be running a class.

[running-in-the-dark]

-

[prettynice8]

My Bodyguard Pt. 2

Jungkook x male reader

this beautiful king

Stuff: fluff, smut, youre both a bit dumb with feelings, like supes fluffy, bottom reader, top Jungkook, missionary, cuddle fucking, kissing, one bed trope? kind of?

Tw: threat used to propel the romance.

Word count: 3,261

Notes: I'm sooooooooo sorry I haven't written in such a long time, i was swamped with stuff and then had no motivation, but then I got a request, and they asked if I was actually going to write it and that reminded me that I had to get off my ass and feed the public what they want, gay shit about real men I have and never will meet, and of course men who are just drawings.

Jungkook couldn't remember a time where he was more carried away in the beauty of another. He couldn't remember the last time he's felt such things for another, he can't remember because it's never happened before.

He was completely and utterly enamored by you, the way you talked, dressed, laughed, cried, yelled, even the way you ate had his full attention, and you felt no less.

You can't get your mind off of that night when he was staring at you, you knew there was something behind his dark gaze other than just a platonic view. He could have been looking at one of the most beautiful sunsets to ever exist, yet he was looking right at you, almost totally ignoring the sun set... why?

These thoughts have been plaguing your mind ever since, it was like you couldn't think of anything else but him. His dark eyes, his tattoos littered on his left hand, the way his jet-black hair looks all sweaty after a workout, his lip piercing that just looks so kissable, his bright and adorable smile, and most importantly the way he looked at you. You weren't so oblivious that you didn't realize the way he looked at you, the way his eyes were always filled with... something whenever he would gaze upon you. You noticed it every time but didn't say anything about it, not knowing yourself what exactly was, and asking your bodyguard why he looked in such ways at you sounds terribly awkward, something you don't think you have the ability to deal with.

"Hey y/n, are you ok?" Jungkook asked, pulling you out of your daze.

"Oh yeah, I'm totally fine." you replied, it wasn't exactly a lie, it was hard to feel anything negative when around Jungkook, which is so funny. When you first met him, you hated the bastard, but now you can hardly stand to be without him, which makes it convenient since he is your bodyguard after all.

Though saying that you are totally fine is a bit of a lie, since you haven't been able to get him out of your head. It's like he plagued your every thought, but you can't do anything about it. Telling your bodyguard, basically the man that works for you, that you think about him and only him in ways that aren't necessarily platonic may be quite the odd conversation to have, and one that you'd rather just not have.

But little to your knowledge, Jungkook felt the exact same way. Ever since that night he can't get you out of his thoughts, nor his dreams. He was almost dying, having to constantly be around the person that he's done many a sinful thing while he's asleep, and every time he's with you all he thinks about are these dreams, and since he's always with you it makes it quite the conundrum.

"Are you ok? you seem rather flushed." You pointed out, causing Jungkook to snap back into reality, such as you did.

"Ye-" before he can even finish what he was about to say, you see your father bash into the room in distress.

"What's wrong dad?" You asked, understandably worried about his random outburst.

"I have some terrible news. We've been sent a disgusting letter, a threat, placed on this house." He panted out, fear evident on his face.

"Can I read it?" You let out, your father's fear rubbing off on you.

"Absolutely not, it's too vial, downright evil. Though guard, you probably should." He exasperates.

Jungkook takes the note and reads its contents, his face scrunches up in disgust at the letter. It's filled with threats on the family's life, the same family whose heir is the boy he's infatuated with.

"We need to harden security, and I'll have to be around y/n at all times, be in the same room and have him in my sight constantly, even if this is fake, we have to take it with absolute certainty." Jungkook says to your father, taking swift action while also shocking you, as he's never taken his job so seriously in all the time he's been here so far.

You begin to shake in utter terror, never realizing what your title nor what your family meant until now. Jungkook notices your erratic shaking and attempts to calm you down, holding you tightly against his chest.

Though the terror of the situation still lingers in the air, it is quickly dimmed by Jungkook's touch. He holds you so tightly to his chest that you can hear and feel his heartbeat, which is beating like crazy, understandably.

This is the first time he's touched you in such a manner and it feels great. The threat is so quickly a thing of the past, after all you have gotten them before, nothing as bad as that but being so rich that you're in the public eye definitely has its drawbacks, but all of that seems so silly when you're in Jungkook's arms.

Though you've gotten the worst threat ever, you've never felt more secure in his arms. He continues to hold you tight, even after the shaking has stopped. Jungkook realizes that he's still holding you and he doesn't stop, also enjoying having you in his arms.

He lets go, leaving you disappointed, but that emotion is quickly covered up when he cups you face in his hands, forcing you to look into his eyes. Eyes that are already usually filled with adoration for you, are now filled with genuine care and worry.

"It's okay, I'm here, and I'd sooner die than let anything hurt you." He stated, leaving any worry or fear left in you to be completely squandered.

You continue to look into his eyes which can only be described as way longer than platonic. You match his determined and caring gaze with your longing one, practically getting lost into the infinity of his orbs. The view was far better than any sunset, better than anything up until this very moment. For the first time in the short time you two have known each other you finally know what's going on behind those orbs.

You finally know how he feels about you. With the way he was holding you, and now how his hands gently hold your face, it's clear that he cares about you more than any mere platonic affection, but should you confront him about your findings, or leave it be.

Jungkook, much to your dismay, pulls away from you, his touch leaving you as well, which feels like a devastating loss. You feel so much for him that a possible threat on your life is diminished just from his touch.

Jungkook noticed your gaze and had to pull away, for your father was still right there and he doesn't know what he might do if you looked at him like that any longer.

"Are you ok now?" He asked, genuinely worried about you.

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks to you." You responded, not missing the fact that Jungkook's face erupted in blush after you said that. Jungkook is gracious yet surprised that you seem okay, though he assumed that you must have faced multiple of these. This assumption causes him to feel even more guilty about his first impression of you.

"Th-that's good." He said, before realizing that your father has left the room, Jungkook was too caught up in the wonder of you that your father's absence went completely unnoticed. Which brings him to remember all the times he forgot that people were around other than just the two of you. It's a mansion full of servants and helpers, yet he's never noticed them. He's always only noticed your over encompassing presence.

Later that night when you get ready for bed with Jungkook, he insists on getting ready with you so that no one may attack you. You realize that he chooses to sleep shirtless, opting to wear nothing but red plaid pajama pants. You try to look away, you really do, but his muscled biceps, rippling abs, and glorious pecs are just too damn attention catching, it's his fault really.

"Well, night." You said quickly, trying to just go to sleep so you don't have to ogle at him any longer. You almost make your way out of the bathroom until you're stopped by your one and only, Jungkook.

"And where do you think you're going mister?" He asked you playfully.

"Uhm... to bed." You answered, confused as to why he asked that question.

"Not without me you're not." He stated matter of factly, acting as though you should have already known this, and your face erupting in blush does not go unnoticed by him, causing him to chuckle and smirk at you with that damn charming grin.

"Wh-what?" You stuttered.

"You heard me. I can't take any chances with you so I'm going to be sleeping with you." He answered plainly, though his confident facade did shake a little after he realized his poor word choice.

"But..." You tried to deflect but the words got caught in your throat. You can't believe that the same man whom you've had many wet dreams about is actually going to be sleeping in the same room as you. This is absolutely fucking insane.

"No buts, I care far too much about you to take any risks." Jungkook said casually, done talking about it and leading you into your own room, and he of course follows closely after. 

You stop any kind of arguing, partly because you know it's useless but also because of what he said, he actually said he cared about you. Obviously, you knew this already, but to actually hear him say that is something else entirely. You were in awe at the statement, but the reality of the situation came flooding back in as you lay in your bed, and Jungkook didn't just mean sleeping in the same room, HE MEANT THE SAME BED!

The reality of the situation being that the man you're completely obsessed with is laying right next to you, half naked, this is literally the plot to one of your many wet dreams you've had of this man. It's like a dream come true, but also a nightmare.

Your nerves are off the charts, shaking erratically at the prospect of him actually sleeping next to you. You intentionally face your body away from his, since if you could see his face so close you'd probably faint. Jungkook notices your erratic shaking, since he's in the same fucking bed as you. He quickly springs into action, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling your back to his chest.

"Still scared about the note." He said, not even asking thinks that must be the answer, why else would you be shaking so much, it's not like the man of your dreams is in the same bed as you, shirtless.

"Y-yeah, the note, that's what it is." You lied, since the truth would be far too difficult to come out and speak. Now could you just tell him how you feel, probably, He almost definitely feels the same way, and you do really want to be with him, but it would all be too hard. You're a rich heiress to one of the biggest fortunes in the country, and he's your bodyguard, basically your employee, it wouldn't work between you too... right?

"It's okay, I promise not to let anything bad happen to you, I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to you." He said, trying to calm you down, going as far as to rub his hand on your side, even pulling your shirt up and touching skin. He's just trying to calm you down, why else would he be running his hand along your bare side.

Okay, you have to tell him how you feel. Just by the way he says that is enough to make your heart melt, and you're already getting hard at his touch, you breath catching as he runs his hand along your side. Your breath shakes at the skin-on-skin contact. You know you can't keep it in any longer, you can't, you have to say how you feel now. Declare your lo-

"I love you y/n." He declared, not quite out of nowhere, but certainly not from somewhere either. He said it so casually, it practically rolled off his tongue like it was the most normal thing to say to someone, like saying hello, you still notice the tenderness in how he said it. Even though he said it so casually, it's still obvious that he meant what he said. You can feel it in your soul that he really does, well, love you.

You turn around so you can see him face to face, resting your hand on his cheek and looking into his stunning eyes, "Thank god you said it first." You said, grateful that at least one of you finally declared what was so obvious.

He chuckles at your statement and continues to rub your bare side, his other coming up to hold your chin. "Does that mean..."

"It means that of course I feel the same way as Jungkook. Fuck I've loved you for so long now, it was torture to keep it in." You finally declared your own love for him.

"Then why did you?" He asked.

"I didn't hear confessions from you either." You stated, pointing out the irony of his statement.

"Fuck, that's fair." That's all he says before finally laying his lips on yours.

The kiss is delicate, practically just being a long-lasting peck, but it finally becomes a kiss when he brings in the presence of tongue. Even after he lets his tongue in your mouth, it stays delicate, until it doesn't.

The kiss becomes passionate, his tongue swirling with your own as his hands go to grip your ass tightly, pulling you closer to him as he rubs his ever-present erection with your own. You moan into the kiss which only makes him dive his tongue deeper down your mouth, exploring every millimeter of it with said tongue.

You still can't believe that this is actually happening, but if this is a dream then it better not stop. Though he's gripping your ass so tightly that if it was a dream you would have woken up already.

The kiss is fucking great but dear god do you need more than just his tongue. He senses your restlessness and acts accordingly by dividing his finger in your ass.

His finger intrudes you so quickly you can't help but moan. In fact, you moan so much that you end up breaking the kiss. Jungkook takes no mind as he just tries to pleasure you more, pumping his finger in quickly so he can get you ready for the thing that really matters.

You moan from pleasure and take it upon yourself to return the favor, taking his big cock out of his pants and into your hand. Jungkook groans at the sudden touch and happily accepts it. You quickly match the pace of your hand pumping his cock with the pace of his finger.

Jungkook then fits another one inside you, causing you to grip his dick harder for some kind of leverage, making Jungkook let out another grunt from his lips.

Jungkook pumps his two fingers in and of you more, now being knuckles deep inside and intruding easily, which lets Jungkook know that you're probably ready for the real thing.

he takes his fingers out of your hole and quickly takes his clothes off, that bodyguard training being very useful since he did it all very speedily.

He fully takes off his own pants, opens your legs for better entrance, and then rubs his cock against your rim, letting out many a moan from your lips, but that's pussy shit to what's about to come.

"You ready?" He asked, voice lustful, but he also genuinely wants you to enjoy this just as much as he will.

"Born ready." You cheekily answered, ready to make love with the man you love.

"If I ever go to fast or-"

"Fuck Love please fuck me!" You accidently yell out, Jungkook only responds with a chuckle and kisses your forehead.

"You asked for it." He said, putting his lips on yours again before finally plunging his cock into you.

He starts off by just putting in bit by bit, not wanting to hurt you or go too fast, since he was so big. You're not exactly complaining, though you want to get plowed by him you're also aware that it would hurt in ways that's not even worth it if he started going so fast now, so you settle with passionately making out with him while he slowly but surely fills your hole.

After what feels like forever, he finally bottoms out, he stays still for a bit, kissing you in hopes of distracting you from the gut splitting cock currently inside of you, before eventually moving.

His thrusts start off slow and waiting, as to now break you so soon into the relationship. He's a master at taking his time, which you kind of love, with every thrust you know he cares about you enough to at least let you walk a little next morning, but these thoughts are quickly beaten out of you with the beating his dick soon does on your ass.

Though you can still feel love in every thrust, you can tell he really loves you since he starts thrusting into you like crazy, totally filling your ass again and again with his cock.

Your moans fill the room and his grunts echo through the walls, the entire mansion is probably awake and listening to the two of you making sweet love, but neither of you care. You're both used to zoning others out and just focusing on each other, especially in Jungkook's case.

He lays his forehead against yours and looks into your eyes the entire time, though his cock is splitting you open, he still wants you to know that this is an act of love, which is why his arms are completely wrapped around your waist, holding you impossibly close.

The closeness of your bodies can't hold a candle to the closeness you feel emotionally with him, but it does help. You've never felt so connected with another person and probably will never feel so close. The way he deeply kisses you mixed with the way he's holding you, and of course the fact that he's literally physically inside of you is a big part of why the moment feels so special.

After a few more thrusts you moan ear splittingly loud as you cum all over his chest, finally feeling release.

"Can I?" He asked like the sweetheart he is, in which you immediately, to fuc- I mean loved out to speak. He smiles and grunts loudly as well, not at all as loud as you but who's counting, as he too reaches climax, filling your asshole with his hot cum.

He stays inside of you, not having to move much since you both are practically already cuddling.

And that's how you both stay, Jungkook buried inside of you while holding you tightly close to him, your head resting on his muscular chest.

"I love you y/n." He declared, holding you even closer.

"I love you too, Jungkook." You declared right back, "I'm beyond ecstatic that my soulmate is also my bodyguard."

THE END

final thoughts: tell me if you got the kiss is when there's tongue reference.

[imaginespazzi]

Nivi....how are you? You haven't said anything about the game. I think UConn fans on every app were rightfully crashing out. Would love to hear your thoughts when you feel up to it.

Hi lovie, I'm good just busy as per usual but I actually have not been crashing out as much as everyone else. Was it hard to watch? Yes but did I, despite all my cautious optimism, still sort of expect it? Also yes. Here are my thoughts:

Every single thing that we've seen this team do wrong, they did last night. How many times have we been harping on about our lack of 3-pt-defense? How many times have we called out the overhelping? How many times have we complained about a stagnant offense? Literally, all of that happened last night and honestly? I think they needed this loss. So far the team and coaching staff have been able to get away with this without any improvement because we've been winning in spite of this issues and they got complacent. Now they know for sure that they cannot win big games with these flaws, I expect to see this change in our next games.

I'm not sure why there's so much chatter about Paige when she wasn't the problem last night. By all means, she had a good game. The main issue I had with her was her lack of assists but that was team-wide problem because as I pointed out before: stagnant offense. She also did a really good job defensively with Sonia. Could she have played a better game? Statistically maybe not (well I guess she could have scored 40) but what I think Paige lacked, and the team in general lacked, was a spark of some sorts? I am not a proponent of she should force shots (and she took a fair amount of shots imo) but there was flare missing from this team last night and I was waiting for the leader of this team to inject something into them. And it never came and of course that's not all on her, but yeah that's the one thing she could have done better and there's no way to really explain how, just that I know she's done it before.

Actually before I got onto other plays let me talk about that a little bit more because everything else aside, WHERE WAS THE ENERGY? These people went into your house, on your alumni night and EMBARASSED the living fuck out of you on your court. You should be lived, you should wanna do the exact same thing to them and yet, it still seemed like ND wanted it more. And I think of everything I saw last night, that's what annoyed me the most. There was a certain laziness at some point, a lack of fire from everyone (that really showed up in rebounding) and it was in stark contrast to ND who just in simple terms, played like they wanted to win.

I would really love to congratulate KK and KC on what were solid offensive performances. However, it doesn't matter that they combined for 21 points, because I have since realized that they gave up 27 points, and that's only based on how many 3s they gave up so it very well could be more. Egregious work from two guards who are supposed to be our best defensive players.

Sarah looked a little bit like a freshman again but I will say, the couple of "energy" runs that we did have? Those were absolutely spearheaded by her but she just doesn't have the experience yet, where she can start them and then continue them. But it's games like this that will start to get here there and I'm excited to see her against ISU and USC.

Jana had the highest +/- on the team in the sense that she was +5 and she was a huge part of the run that lead us to cutting the lead to one so of course, OF COURSE, grandpa had to go ahead and bench. WHY WAS SHE ON THE BENCH FOR MOST OF THE FIRST HALF?? What was the gameplan? What was the reason? All of it pisses me off so much because why would you not play your tallest player when we were shit on rebounds????

Ice girl, I haven spent the last couple of week saying girlie was starting to look soid and first big game, she goes ahead and makes a liar of me because she was terrible last night. Why she was on the floor instead of Jana, I will never understand.

I have about as many good things to say about Ash as she had points last night. ZERO??? SERIOUSLY? For all KC and KK gave up on defense, at least there was something on offense but Ash gave us nothing. A complete non-factor if not a complete liability. The only right decision Geno made last night might have been benching her in the 4th. But I will say, some players, especially shooters, you needa run a play or two, to get them going. Just one play for her and on the off chance she hits it, you never what that could have done for her confidence and our chances.

Morgan deserved more minutes last night. Girl played nie minutes less and only had one less rebound than Ice. She had hustle and we needed hustle so bad but of course, of course grandpa would bench her.

If y'all haven't realized yet, my main gripe with last night is directed at Geno because I think he made every wrong decision her possibly could and quite frankly got outcoached like nobody's business by Niele Ivey.

Despite all of this, once again, I'll reinstate that I am not crashing out. Everything that went wrong is fixable and I do believe that this team can fix them. Especially because 2 of the biggest things that fucked us over will start to get fixed by two of our players coming back. Azzi will help with 3 pointers and Aubrey will help with defending them. Overall, this was a respectful loss to a good team in December. Championships are won in March. You lose and you learn and you keep on living.

[aangarchy]

Alright. I've rewatched the trailer like 20 times by now and i've been processing it.

First things first: anyone that's gonna talk shit about Gordon Cormier is gonna have to go through me first. I've only had Gordon!Aang for a day and a half and if anything happens to him i'll kill everyone here and then myself got it?

Just look at him! This is the exact big eared cute little kid i wanted them to cast for Aang. He looks adorable and honestly his outfit is growing on me.

The glowing arrow looked cool as hell. I like that the light spread through his tattoo almost like veins. I'm still curious on how the full avatar state is gonna look, how they're gonna get the glowing eye effect. Please don't let it look goofy.

Y'know what does look goofy?

Is it better than the m night shyamalan appa? I guess. Does that mean it looks good? Well.... at least momo sort of looks cute instead of some folklore nightmare like in shyamalan's version. But also you can tell in this shot in particular that it's very green screen-y

Then we go over to the bending, the limited shots we have of it. Mainly firebending was shown (a little airbending too but kinda hard to get a stillframe for that one)

Idk how to feel about it. In screenshots it looks alright but the shots while they were moving looked a bit off, especially the one where zuko's kicking. We only got very limited shots and that's intentional. I feel like the bigger cgi fails are gonna show up once we get the full show. If the bending looked good all the time i feel like they'd be showing it off by now.

What i don't like, is how apparently they're gonna SHOW Zuko getting burned. Like sure in atla they didn't bc kids show and Nickelodeon wouldn't allow it, and netflix can take darker turns if they so please. But i personally always felt that scene made so much impact because we didn't see it. Iroh is telling it from his memory and he didn't look when it happened, so we don't see it either. It's like a courtesy the show extends to both Zuko and the audience. We just hear the harrowing scream, and that's enough to know how devastating it is. I don't need a dramatic overlook so we can see the whole thing in detail, netflix.

Another thing is the hair in some scenes.

Daniel dae kim looked better in that promo photo, bc here you can just see how the bulky goatie was glued on. And then Sokka's hair..... where's the ponytail? It's laying completely flat against his head... why? Is it bc that's Ian's hair and they didn't know what to do with it? Literally get a comb and tease that bitch. This is like the complete opposite of Jackson Rathbone's hair in the shyamalan version, and somehow that full maybelline ponytail makes more sense than this sad excuse of a tail. Either way at least Suki looked dope.

Another thing i found weird about the trailer is the narration. I think it's either Iroh's voice or maybe Gyatso's? (I haven't heard Iroh's actor talk yet so idk, but it felt like it was being said TO either Aang or Zuko) but the lines they gave him... it felt like some weird mumbo jumbo tbh. Something something about the past and present being the same and it's up to us to know the difference and be the difference? It's saying everything and nothing at the same time and it felt kind of out of place. They're probably saving the iconic opening narration done by Katara for the full trailer (i hope???) but still they could have just gone with music, or maybe just a few iconic existing lines?

The music? Fire. Nothing needs to be added there. Was i kind of hoping for a different soundtrack? Maybe a bit. But am i mad? Not at all. They clearly took the nostalgia route with the more epic version of the avatar theme, and i can only respect them for that.

So far, very mixed reviews for me. I'm morbidly curious and very nosy by nature though, so i'm absolutely watching.

[utilitycaster]

forgive me if i don’t make sense bc i don’t really know how to articulate this, but taliesin talked a lot about “trying to figure out what punk means in exandria” and wondering what’s there to be angry about. and after the last string of episodes i feel like that it’s a question that he baked into ashton’s character. like yes ashton is punk and they have justified anger but the Rest of their anger is deflective to stop them from interrogating themselves and their decisions further. idk it’s really interesting to me

It is! It's something I really love about Ashton and it's something I think Taliesin was very thoughtful about in his character creation. I think Taliesin is extremely strong in character creation in general, and it's a rare person who can make a character based on a philosophical premise who also feels very real.

That really is the core of Ashton, and I think it's a great commentary. I do still intend to watch The Decline of Western Civilization Part III (winter break perhaps?) but I am broadly familiar with the gutter-punks on which Ashton was based, and again, the punk movement as a whole. There have always been politically-minded punks; but I advise you look up the backgrounds of, say, the average Fugazi/Minor Threat, Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys, or Propagandhi musician because they are, by and large, middle-class white guys with relatively stable and happy childhoods, and the idea of Ashton as someone dedicated to the Tumblr uwu kindness is punk "look at this perfect baby who doesn't steal pennies how kind and generous to only take literally everything else" archetype was always a massive projection. They've always been far more in the model of the Break Shit, Get Wasted punk than, well, the straight edge and veganism of the above.

(I also think that while it's true that a lot of punk houses did take in anyone and were something of a refuge for many a la Color In Your Cheeks, there was also a lot of Missing Stair Fallacy shit going on in the punk community even then. Ashton is in fact an example of the flaws in that sort of subculture: the Nobodies were there until they really, really weren't, and that's not unusual for that kind of punk friendship. It's found family until you're too inconvenient and dangerous to make it worth it. Taliesin explores this a lot, incidentally; that was very much what he was doing with Molly, and I would love to hear him talk about that kind of surface-level closeness that isn't strong enough to stick because as someone who both participates in fandom and loves to observe and analyze fandom as a phenomenon itself, it's a very real dynamic.)

Ashton has had an awful life. That's the premise. Nothing good has happened to them. There are plenty of valid reasons for them to be angry. Some are people who deserve it (their parents for the fucked up ritual; the Nobodies for abandoning them; Jiana Hexum for exploiting them), some are people who don't deserve their anger but to be fair haven't done anything to deserve their respect either (Percy, the gods), but many have been perfectly kind and reasonable and Ashton has rejected them because they're in a position of authority or seemed too nice. And there's plenty of stuff he's mad about that isn't easily pinned on anyone; the chronic pain is a shitty side effect of one or both of his traumas but no one person is responsible.

Ashton is an incredibly cynical person, and this extends to himself. As I've said before, I think they absolutely mean it when they say that they would have done the exact same thing the Nobodies would do, and this has been used to both cover up the intense hurt that came from their abandonment, but also, I think part of Ashton's own self-loathing comes from the fact that yeah, they are the kind of person who'd have done the same, and that isn't a very good person, and being angry at the Nobodies and Jiana and the world at large has allowed him to avoid looking that truth in the face. Ashton has always bounced between "I'll be the best broken thing I can be" and "what if I could be more? what if I could be what I could have been if things went well?" and also "who the fuck cares" and the reveal, that when the chips are down, he will make an ill-advised and self-destructive choice from that place of pain and anger has really rattled them. He can't keep just being angry and using that to shield himself from difficult questions. It won't just kill them, but it will hurt everyone around them too.

A really ugly truth of life is that even when something is completely not your fault and even when you have been dealt a rotten, unfair hand, often, you do have some degree of responsibility to deal with it ("And if it isn't my fault, I certainly didn't do anything to deal with it," as Ashton says.) The mere act of being angry is cathartic but doesn't actually solve anything. I think that's Keyleth's message to Orym, actually; it's not fair, and you're angry that it's not fair, but you need to use that anger to do things yourself instead of letting it consume you or passing the buck because it sure as hell isn't your turn. Ashton has, since the solstice, been playing tug of war with the idea that this anger has perhaps not been serving him, and he finally lost. Initially they realized a lot of this anger had been self-pity, but then, as they said, one week of thinking their parents actually were something led them to do the exact same dumb cult shit. Instead of stopping and listening to Evontra'vir and Allura, he said "no, I'm special, actually." And to be clear I think their motives were incredibly complicated and well-thought-out on Taliesin's part. It's not just because of his parents, it's not entirely selfish or out of heroics but those certainly did play a part, he did genuinely think it would help but he also ignored a number of warnings that it wouldn't. Again, I think the parallels between Ashton and FCG are glaringly obvious this episode, except Ashton hid their feelings with anger and FCG with a focus on everyone else's needs.

[rincewinds-hat]

here's the thing

When i was a kid, i ADORED watching LDShadowlady (still love her, although i generally don't watch mcyts anymore), and she's like an idol to me.

When i grew up a little, i was watching the dsmp (yes, hate me all you want for my likes idc, i wasn't one of the crazys) and I really liked Technoblade, Tommyinnit and Ranboo. I still follow them, though as i said, don't watch as frequently.

Yesterday, my mom and aunt were discussing how ridiculous it is to watch people play video games, saying 'just play the games yourself' or 'where's the satisfaction? It's someone else's accomplishment' and other things like that

And then i realised - it was never about the game. It was about the story.

Shadowcraft 1 and 2.0 were absolutely wonderful to watch. I loved it because of her charisma mostly, but you can't deny that it had interesting lore and such.

Empires, 'insert number/word' Life series, Hermicraft, Dream freaking SMP, and for the sake of nostalgia series like Stampy's Lovely World, Stayceplayz and Squaishy (i think that's their names, i haven't watched them in years) and their Cake Island in space (or whatever it was, those who know will know)... They all have LORE.

In it's core, all these people playing Minecraft are telling a story. And it's not some shit story, no it's meaningful and fun and interesting. These are people born to create, born to tell stories, but maybe don't have the gift of being amazing writers or directors or never got the chance they should've. YouTube and Minecraft were ways to express yourself, share a piece of yourself and your work with the masses without needing to be published or hired to write.

You wouldn't shame directors or actors or writers for doing the same exact thing. So why shame these people? What have they done that's wrong?

Just like a director, you choose how it'll all look. You produce your own sets, and costumes and have actors. In it's core, it's all an indie movie/series.

The older generations don't realise that what some people you don't consider artists do almost the same thing as people you shame and call 'attention seekers' (yes, mom, I'm looking at you)

Im sorry im yapping so much, but i feel like it's important to say this

[partywithoutsmiling]

So wait if Branch is actually Barb's cousin... do the two ever find out about each other being related? How would they each react? Barb, I bet, would be absolutely pissed but also kinda, secretly also glad to have another member of the family since she is very family oriented herself if the frankly adorable dynamic she has with her dad is to believed. Then raging mad when she learns about how Branch came to be alone because, bro, family don't do that shit.

Thorn I can imagine being extremely conflicted since, on one hand, he now has confirmation that Thorn is dead and has been for over 20 years, but also he finally gets to meet one of his nephews for the first time. And while the kid is somewhat soft for Rock Troll tastes, he isn't a total wimp either and has actually made quite a good life for himself.

Branch, I think, would be mainly confused? Like at some point in his travels, he probably figured out he was mixed genre, and he picks up a bunch of other little quirks from every genre he travels through as well. He's complicated and doesn't just fit into one genre anymore, a simple wamderer who just travels around seeing the world and learning what is there to be learned. Then suddenly, he's royalty.

Oh boy pff, okay, from the top:

Do they ever find out they are related? In Moonlit AU (as that one follows canon basically) and in Rock Beast AU, yes- they do find out they are related. In my headcanon, Barb had always knew that her uncle Thorn had a family somewhere and even children (as Thrash alluded that much to her), but it never occured to her that her Aunt and cousins would be Pop. She always just assumed he found someone from the far reaches of the territory, not that he found someone outside their Kingdom altogether. The reason why she realizes they are related is because of the skull tattoo that appears on Branch's chest after he got hit with the Power Chord, as I headcanon that tattoo appears only to those of royal Rock blood. In Moonlit AU, since the events are basically almost exact like in the movies, she approaches Branch after everything is done and over and things calm down to talk about it (as in this case, the skull tattoo would stay even after he returns to normal), and they have a serious talk about family. At this point, she is trying not to let her biases impact her opinions- but also, she is respecting the law of her people, in that the oldest always have greater right to the throne, and Branch is clearly the oldest. (He kinda blows her mind when he blurts out he is not the oldest) In Rock Beast AU, she finds out about their relation in much the same way, by the skull tattoo, but since it is right after the disastrous concert and Branch had just in his bestial rage injured at least ten trolls, she is not exactly in the mood to entertain their relation at all, because the idea of Branch being her cousin and her accidentally harming him/imprisoning him doesn't sit well with her. So better she just pretends otherwise.

(I dabbled a bit into this topic in my oneshot Cut Rattler on AO3, if you are curious enough to read it)

In Wanderer AU, it's trickier. Since Branch is sporting the Strings in his hair, the Power Chord has no effect on him, so his 'mark' never awakens. Barb haven't actually seen her uncle at all except in bad photos, so any family connection of their hinges on whatever Branch's brothers remember; JD and perhaps Floyd are the only ones who, thanks to their own traveling, starts to suspect there might have been more to their Father than him just being a flighty Rock Troll.

Would Barb be pissed or glad? Definitelly both pff, as mentioned above. Her anger would have many sources; the fact she was never supposed to be Queen- and she had been aware of it- yet was forced to take up the mantle, because the real Heir never showed up. So part of her sees it as her cousin's shirking his duties to the Rock Troll Tribe, but another is irritated that he never knew he was doing so. (And she is assuming Branch is the only Heir, while we know otherwise) She is definitelly glad to have more family. I haven't mentioned this headcanon anywhere, but Thorn's commited relationship to Mulberry has been bit of an oddity in the Rock Troll culture, where the norm is to be more polyamorous; like, Thorn and Thrash are brothers only through their father, at the time King Belabor, but had different mothers. There is no concept of a Royal Spouse or Consort, and once they were old enough, Belabor took over in raising them, so they could be proper Rock Royals.

It was actually rarity by itself there were more than one Heir, as the Rock Royals weren't in habit of having more than just one child; both Thorn and Thrash were hatched just few months apart though, as they have been conceived roughly around the same time, so for a while it has been unsure which one would be the Heir. (The goal was to limit bloodline ties to as little as possible, so the Heir would be focused on making close relationships with other trolls) Thrash followed that tradition, and once Barb was hatched, that was it really (She has only vague memories of her mother, as any relationship Thrash had with her was mostly friends with benefits and the Troll didn't want to be saddled with a child to begin with)

Barb definitelly feels lonely in her role, especially with the silent judgment from her subjects around her, and because her Dad is no longer all there. Growing up, she sort of daydreamed her Uncle coming back one day and their family growing up in numbers, because she did envy some of her friends' families, where they had multitude of siblings each.

She would be very pissed that Branch got abandoned as a baby, yes- and especially when she realizes that Floyd lived most of his life in her Kingdom without her being aware of him all. Honestly, for a long time, Branch would be the only one not on her shitlist.

And what about Thrash? Well, he wouldn't be as conflicted as you would imagine, not about the fact that Branch is half Pop. In the moments of lucidity, he would be grieving; yes, he suspected his brother was dead, but it was a different matter altogether to have it confirmed. He'd also grieve for the way the Pop Trolls ended up- it hardly takes a genius to realize what had happened when they talk about deadly giants (and unknown to Barb's generation, there had been some stragglers who were banished from Bergen town that had wandered into their territory and had to be dealt with) He had suspected that Thorn found a mate in a Pop Troll, but over the years said nothing to Barb, even if she asked about it. He wonders if things would have gone differently, if he told her about it from the beginning- if she wouldn't have grow up as prejudiced. Being able to interact with Branch, he actually sees lots of Thorn in him, and that fills him with longing. He is glad to have meet him- though as I said, his moments of lucidity are few and far between, so there is not really that many moments where they can bond.

And then there is Branch. In both Rock Beast AU and Moonlit AU, I dont think he really wants to entertain the possibility of being a mixed genre troll; he always believed that his physical differences are from him growing up grey and roughing it in the wild, outside the comforts of the Pop Village. It takes a lot of effort for Barb to convince him that he is not just Pop- especially as the Branch from these AUs would be afraid to be different. After all, he had already spent chunk of his life being ostracized for his differences, he doesn't want to feel like an outsider again. In Wanderer AU, he would be far more open to the idea. Following his departure, he would be definitelly more curious, especially when he had been mistaken for a Rock Troll far easily than for Pop, and getting closer and closer to the Rock Territory and meeting anyone with even sliver of a resemblance- and most importanly given time to think about it- he can admit that that it is most likely the truth. It makes him wonder if that's why JD had been so obsessed with Perfection, their looks and roles; it makes him wonder about lot of things he had never been privy to, in accord to him being either a baby or not born yet. He remembers his first year of greyness, where he had been treated like a lepper- remembers the intolerance that ran rampart through the Troll Tree, and yet know it was mild at best. How intolerant the Pop Trolls must have been back in the day, before the Bergens, before they could afford to be exclusive? So in Wanderer AU, he is more accepting of him being half rock, but as I said it would take a while for him to learn he was actually royalty.

[diviningrodtv]

Oh yeah, NSH Time.

I've been holding this post back for like a week😅

I absolutely love how NSH came out and I think he's currently my favourite rain world model that I've done! (Sorry Pebbles, I'm going to upgrade you later anyway :]

I also made his scarf easily removable so you can see how the stripes aren't just on his head! The stripes and his irises also glow, but a bit brighter than the areas on Five Rotten Pebbles.

His antennae are pretty similar to how I did Sliver's, especially considering I did his first! XD They're separated from his head a bit.

Also if you've noticed in my art that his eyes are the exact same as in the model here, that's because they are! I tried finding a way to draw them how I usually might, but I just couldn't get the same vibe! So I said, "Fuck it!" and I've been drawing over his model ever since XD

NSH is also who I used to make the "umbilical arm" model! So if you saw those posts, that's why the textures are all messed up!

And here it is in all it's glory!

It's mostly made of ball joints with a flexible joint attached to the back. The last segment also twists just like your forearm bones!

Also..... lore shit below cause I have, plans™ so-

If you don't want to know why NSH is acting strange on my blog yet, read no further!

(there's also some downpour spoilers, and some other disturbing things)

*slaps top of can* This bad boy can fit so much fucking insanity in him. (cw: self-harm yeah you heard me)

If you haven't figured it out already (I did drop hints :) NSH's structure is damaged! His legs are giving out because a group of scavengers thought it would be funny to transport all of their explosives at once.

So he's in a bit of a pickle!

This is when Looks to the Moon and Five Pebbles' communication tower is repaired! During their first conversation in a very long time, NSH finds out about good ol' Hunter long legs, and is rightfully distraught! He feels like a total failure, that he wasn't experienced enough to properly create his messenger.

That's what this whole post was about!

But, experience is something that can be gained.

NSH figured if Five Pebbles was able to leave his can, then he should be able to as well, but that requires solving the three problems I mentioned in the Five Rotten Pebbles post:

The self-genome modification barrier,

A general lack of puppet central brain matter, and

No material processing within the puppet.

I'll talk about my umbilical lore for this AU here since it's relevant.

Either the "cord" or the "arm" can be disconnected, but not both. This is for ease of repair by administrators. Disconnecting them both would leave the unfortunate Iterator fully functional. Although, they would be blind in the visible spectrum (apart from overseers), unable to speak directly to someone in their chamber, and would otherwise have their workflow be severely impaired. They would effectively be trapped in their own head.

NSH realised that even if the barriers existed, they could still have the intentions, to break them. So what would happen, if he broke one? Not by writing it out of his system, Five Pebbles already proved how risky that method was, but instead by setting his actions in motion faster than any barrier could stop them? This was something to test, and wasn't that what Iterators were built to do anyway?

Umbilicals can only be disconnected by administrators, but what if he were to do it anyway? He needed to leave his can after all, it wouldn't be much of a loss if he was stuck on the floor of his chamber or floating aimlessly in zero gravity for a while.....

So what if he just ran fast enough to rip himself off?

What if he moved his arm back at the last second, could he gain enough inertia to pull it out of his back? Even if it took a few tries?

What other choices does he have? Perfect Five Pebbles' method until he collapses and continue even then? He had time, but not enough for that, and The Hunter certainly did not have any time for waiting around. NSH had to fix his mistake, he had to.

So this bastard goes and does exactly that, and short-circuits his entire system.

Not just breaking the umbilical maintenance barrier, but every other one in the process.

And it all hurts like hell.

But that's the first problem solved, and now he can help keep himself afloat longer. So that now, he can figure out how to solve the other two problems with precision.

Of course, the others won't like any of these plans, but, after what Five Pebbles did, they wouldn't dare disturb him if he stopped responding, right?

And maybe, he could even hijack their communications array, to look for help.

>:]

yeah so NSH is not sane

[et-cant-phone-home-no-signal]

The Last of Us HBO - Episode 2 thoughts

Warning: Pure yapping ahead! More thoughts and things I've noticed watching the show, it's not serious and I don't invite arguments (fellow yappers are more than welcome though)

(continuing with my episode by episode analysis of the tlou show, it's a long one folks! all chronologically written as i was watching the episode. spoilers under the cut)

Fantastic opening - love that we get to see the initial discovery in Jakarta and that they speak Indonesian only! It removes the show from a purely American pov and makes it international, which is something I personally missed a little from the game so it's a welcome addition

The little detail that the military men walk so fast, she has to jog a little to keep up

I like the fact that they didn't even try to cover the dead body at all - why would they?

Same girl I'd have that exact same reaction too 💀💀 visceral as shit

The following visual of the cordyceps reaching out of the corpse's mouth.... Eugh

Ibu Ratna's reaction after hearing 14 workers are missing - her shaking so badly she has to put her cup of tea down, her face reads of pure undiluted horror 🙌👌 - worth mentioning that the casting of Christine Hakim is absolutely top tier (she's basically the Dame Judi Dench of Indonesia fr) and she really brings a gravitas to the role

I find it fascinating and refreshing that the first thing the military man does is to ask about a vaccine or medicine to fix this situation, but the scientist/professor, instead says with absolutely certainty that there is nothing, and then proceeds to say with an eerily calm and assertive tone and face that they must bomb the city. Terrifying yet wonderful that they've finally used a different format to this conversation

Ibu Ratna stifling her sobs and asking to go be with her family, because she knows there is no other solution - Brava

That soft, gentle opening shot of Ellie curled up in the sun on a lush bed of green, a single butterfly crossing over *chef's kiss*

Her turning to see Joel and Tess, sat in the shadows on chairs, Joel with his gun drawn lmaooooo that's comedy right there

Ellie's sass at the interrogation 🤌

"There's not gonna be anything bad in here?" "Just you." "Oh, funny." 💀😂

The fact that Joel broke his hand beating that guy to death - the way Tess looks at Joel, all knowing and vaguely soft

Tess defending Ellie indirectly by wanting to continue with bringing her to the state house - Joel wanting to return to the QZ and saying it would be better for FEDRA do shoot her than them 💀

"You need to stop talking about this kid like she's got some kind of life in front of her." Damn Joel, Tess' face says it all

Joel: struggling to break of a piece of EXTREMELY dry and chewy jerky, Ellie: sammich

Ellie in the warm light, Joel in the cold dark, and Tess in the middle of the two?? Gorg

It's so funny how terribly Joel and Ellie get on at this point, like, they basically hate each other my god

"If she so much as twitches.." *Ellie immediately starts twitching* and then Tess's "Don't." She is so done with these two already lmao

The iconic scenery 🙌 the two massive skyscrapers with one leaning on the other? Oooohhh yeah

The fact that Tess stops and answers Ellie's questions :')

I can't stop looking at Ellie's bag it's just so accurate I love it

"Well, I mean, you got some balls on you, sister." SLAY girls support girls ✨

The specific way Ellie says "no" at the boyfriend question 💅

It's interesting that Tess' reaction to hearing the description of what we know to be a bloater, is "shit, I hope not", insinuating perhaps that she and Joel haven't dealt with those before, but then the way that she looks at Joel after Ellie asks about clickers tells me they know exactly what she's talking about with that one

Immediately after we hear a loud ass creepy scream in the distance, okay!

The set designers got this shit so extremely right goddamn, the hotel gotta be one of my favourite locations fr - I love that they still included this location even if it's at a completely different place in the original story, it works so well here and with Tess added on, the humour is great and the way the characters interact is fun and interesting (Joel's little hop into the water especially gets me, he's such a shit lmao)

Ellie is genuinely so fucking funny I love this kid

Joel offering his hand, immediately snatching it back once she's mostly up cause it's his broken one (but you can see it's more than that)

"Fuck, holy shit." "Come on, it wasn't that bad." "You try climbing ten fuckin floors with our knees. See how you feel." 😭😭

Joel's face at being left alone with Ellie lmao

"Nice knife." great conversation starter Joel, but also, reference to his pocket knife Sarah held in the previous episode? He doesn't have it, when did he have time to grab it after all, but yeah. Maybe I'm overthinking this lmao

"Where'd you learn to do that?" "The circus." *Joel rolls his eyes with such exasperation taht I can feel it through my screen*

"How long do infected live?" "Oh, I thought you went to school." "It's a really shitty one."

Joel avoiding answering the question about the FEDRA dude he killed due to Tess returning is peak writing

I really enjoy how the infected are portrayed in the show - they're not just individuals, they're part of a hive mind in a way, the mycelium connects them all one way or another, and they act like it (the way they all react to sunlight and extra so because they all react to each others pain as well, wow)

Added onto that, this extra lore about the way the cordyceps works is fantastic, it makes it even scarier that, according to Tess, you can accidentally wake up and attract infected from somewhere totally different - this means you're never actually safe 💀

Really love how Tess is so damn nice to Ellie all things considered. Still answering her questions, telling her she has to be careful, that just because she's immune doesn't mean there's no danger

"I have a spare hand." "Congratulations." 😭

I do love how quick Joel is to run over to Ellie whenever something happens (her swearing, falling over, gasping loudly)

The look that Joel and Tess share - they think they know and they're probably right

Dad mode™ activated

That building is anxiety central for me

Joel is so jumpy and twitchy it's a little funny tbh, I like it

Ellie's "oh shit whoops" face

Joel helping Ellie up :')

The sound effects 😭💀😭 they got the same team that did the game clicker sounds to do the show ones and I can TELL

The anxiety is palpable!! My stomach is in knots!! The entrance of the first clicker is terrifying!!

Joel's silent, almost sign language like, explanation for Ellie 😌

The clicker actors are fucking amazing jesus christ. And the special effects and makeup? So GOOD wow absolutely grotesque <3

Not me gasping with Ellie

If I were there I'd probably just hide under a table and hold my breathe 😭

I find the clickers to be quite bird-like, in game and in show

The silence as Joel reloads his gun, the sudden much closer clicking, the flashlight shining directly in its face 🤌

Joel now being the one to step on something crunchy 😩 THE WAY THE CLICKER LAUNCHES ITSELF AT HIM AND ELLIE ACROSS THE DISPLAY

Ellie crying out with pure fear and Joel holding the clicker back more so it's on him not her - HIM PUSHING HER BEHIND HIM!

BIG TESS SLAY

Impressed by how calm their reactions all are to seeing Ellie get bit (?) again (I thought it was more of a scratch at first but I assume it to be a bite due to their reactions to it)

"That was scary, this is wood." HA

The way Tess looks at Joel when he's busy wrapping her foot with diligence and care

I think this is the first sign that Tess had been bit, Joel seems to be looking at her like "what the hell is your problem" but listens and goes to watch Ellie anyway

The view line 😭🤌 love how we basically get this exactly from the game, including Joel looking at his watch :'(

The music 🙌

Second time you can really notice that Tess is differently - she handles Ellie harshly for basically the first time ever and totally ignores Joel

Joel moving Ellie away from the dead body

The squelching of the blood EUgH

Go makeup team go!

Oeiii screaming match :( mom and dad are fighting

The step back speaks volumes

"Oops, right?" just stab me it would hurt less, Anna's delivery of that line is heartbreaking

In fact little quick note of love to Anna Torv, she's such a fucking amazing actor and I love her portrayal of Tess so so much, she brought warmth, strength and balls of steel to the character fr!!

The fact that Tess basically confesses her feelings here, proclaims the knowledge that she feels something for Joel that he was never entirely able to reciprocate back, my god - her BEGGING him to take her because she knows nothing about the future but she believes that Ellie can change it in some capacity

Pedro's eye acting here is so potent, he says nothing but his eyes and face say it all

The mycelium!!!!!! Terrifying that in show canon, infected can basically call for backup!!! Brilliant addition and makes them so much more intimidating (also I HATED seeing the mycelium creep under that infected person's nails that really got a shudder out of me)

God bless the extras

Tess my beloved you make me cry so much you're amazing and you deserved better 😭 she's brave as fuck for this

Joel shaking, his lips quivering because fuck, she's going to die, and now he has to be fully responsible of this kid and he can't do this without her but he's gotta - the anxiety and fear in his eyes, his firm resolution after she says "save who you can save", the way he SNATCHES Ellie and walks away, Ellie fighting him tooth and nail but he knew she would, thats why he grabbed her like that.... I'm honestly just in so much awe and pain from this scene

The fear is Tess' face is so 😭😭

FUCK NO THAT ALMOST MADE ME THROW UP I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT JESUS FUCK. That was disgusting what the fuck 😭😭 don't know how to feel about watching the fucked up kiss of death like, eugh

The feeling when after failing to light the damn thing, she finally gets it, feels almost like a relief after all of that

Joel "big sad brown eyes" and Ellie "big traumatised brown eyes" will be the death of me

This is such a fucking sad ending to Tess' character but also, satisfying since she didn't die in vain

That final shot of Ellie alone with the burning state house in the background, sun beating down and a soft breeze in her hair, damn

If you make it to the end, thanks for reading! It's literally just my running thought process whilst watching!! Do you agree with some of my notes, was there anything you noticed that i didn't? Comments and reblogs welcome <3

Episode 1 thoughts:

Episode 3 thoughts:

[fyeahnix]

I've been slacking on HFW updates here so here are my tweets over the last couple of days compounded in sequential order:

Another of my favorite things about Horizon, which I probably mentioned when I played ZD, is how Aloy uses technology to enhance her own skills. It's so easy to let tech do all the heavy lifting for us, but she never does that. Even without the Focus, she's still a competent and crafty hunter. And that's fucking cool. Also I just really like Aloy in general. Such a great character.

I like to think Talanah is still overall a better hunter than Aloy and would be absolutely OP with a Focus. She had to get nerfed some type of way. This is based on absolutely nothing but vibes because I cannot remember every single event from the first game nor did I read the comic. Sorry lol

Forbidden West has done a fantastic job so far of adding in a bunch of cool new shit to play around with on top of what you got in the last game, including the expansion of the climbing mechanic. I can't even imagine how they'll top this if there's a third game coming at some point in the future. No, I am nowhere near done with this. I've only just started, haven't even GOTTEN to the actual Forbidden West yet. It was just a point I wanted to make. THIS is how I feel a sequel should be done.

The only thing truly frustrating me about HFW right now is the vantage points. I love the concept in theory, but in practice....ugh. idk if I'm having issues with spatial awareness or what..but getting feedback that's like "maybe I'm too high? Maybe I'm too low. Maybe I'm not close enough?" Kinda sucks because I FEEL like I'm close but the game is so super specific about specific angles. I got to the correct spot like 10 times but because I wasn't looking at the exact angle, it wasn't completing. It's a skill issue on my part probably but it is still very frustrating.

Now that I'm really looking at the map, No Man's Land feels like "Starter Area #2" lmfao

Monster Hunter solidified for me that I love the feeling of saying "OOOO SHIT" when I see another large monster. Saw the first Snapmaw and just had that same feeling lol. Horizon series is literally Monster Hunter Jr for me and I mean that with all the love and praise in the world. Ofc I am going to be shocked when I see A Very Large Monster lurking around in the water when I wasn't expecting it.

Aloy is doing The Protagonist Thing and I love it. Really showcasing her flaws in this game.

I appreciate the fact that Aloy is like "I can't fucking cook, taking this shit to an actual chef" when she picks up ingredients. We love honesty.

Goddamn the tattoo work on these characters in Forbidden West is so GOOD

It is very cool to see Aloy's vocabulary around Old World tech evolve between the two games. She has clearly learned quite a lot.

The way Aloy says hi to a certain character is so reminiscent of how she said hi to the first hologram she saw on the Focus. How cute lol.

Very very interesting how different tribes describe Aloy's hair color. Like it's such a SMALL detail but really shows the level of attention they put into making the tribes culturally significant from each other.

There is just so much to talk about with this game.... But the food you can buy...so much juicy lore and worldbuilding in the descriptions. I LIVE for shit like this

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

A second long lost parent appears and this is where I check out. I've made one small post before and I wasn't going to make another but for some reason I can't stop myself so here it is.

Go Ahead is good. I mean it is so good. I just finished episode 7. However, there's this pit in my stomach every time I watch it and honestly I don't really need that right now. To explain this I'm gonna get a bit personal so if you don't care just don't read.

My father left when I was in the womb. So that alone made this show right from the start perhaps too relatable for me. I'm a grown woman now and I don't think about it all that much to be honest but it's a whole other thing to have it shown back to me in series format.

Let me talk a little about episode 4.

This was when I knew I couldn't really binge this show. If I actually wanted to watched it all, I needed to take my time and choose wisely when to watch it.

See I have a half-sister, younger by about 12 years I think, from my father's side. I've met her exactly once, and after that, when I was in my twenties I got an email from my father saying his father had died and he made sure that in the same e-mail he made me feel like shit because apparently I didn't care enough about my sister to go see her or ask about her. Can you believe this shit? This was a man that left me and my mom, who I saw maybe 4 times total in my whole life and he had the audacity of putting that on me.

And the thing is, just like it's not Ling Xiao's sister fault, it's not my sister's fault. But to care about her would make my father happy and that was the last thing I wanted. So to see Ling Xiao have that exact same struggle was a lot.

Cause this is not an easy thing. This child has done nothing wrong. She's absolutely adorable, at first anyway, and wants a brother. Understandable. But it's what she represents. When Ling Xiao is helping her with homework, I can see him being completely split between wanting to be a good person, because he is, and not wanting to give his mother that satisfaction. This girl becomes an avatar and not just a little sister. There's a lot of reasons I've still haven't met my own sister, and really all the relatives from that side of the family, but one of the reasons I didn't at first, was that I didn't wanna project on her my issues with her father, because he was good to her. Why would I ruin that? And can I really separate things? At this age, probably, but at eighteen or in my twenties when I was first confronted with this? I'm not sure I could. I'm an expert in avoidance so we may never know. And that's what Ling Xiao is battling at that moment. He has a family, he has a sister, and although he understands on a rational level that this kid is his sister and he could have a relationship with her, there's just too much baggage to consider.

So after that I continued. I was only 4 episodes in and I honestly thought it was so well done. And I mean I did consider the possibility that this could happen again. God knows there's enough children abandoned in this show. But still I wanted to watch. The scene in episode 5 where Li Hai Chao is drunk and talking about his sons had me in tears. And those moments sustained me. Because this family is one of the most beautiful depicted families I think I ever watched. You can feel the love in every scene. I have my own 'brother' that I've known since I was 2 and that relationship got me through everything. So these 3 have my whole heart.

That is until the fried chicken in episode 7. Zi Qiu's father came back and I thought I was okay. Like it couldn't get any worse right? But then that whole scene with the guys eating the fried chicken and making absolutely stupid comments, and then Zi Qiu throwing it all on the floor and then... well pretty much everything in the episode after that...I was sobbing. It was a lot. I don't know about other people, but ever since I was a kid until I was in uni there was always a part of me that wondered. What if he came back? What if he had a good reason? Which is absolutely ridiculous cause eventually you realize there's actually no reason that would make up for everything. And Zi Qiu's father did come back and every time he opened his mouth, I wanted to scream at him.

The thing is. It's one thing to be over it, in this 'I don't really think about it a lot' kind of way. It's a whole other thing to willingly sign up for a reminder. Yeah I'm "over it" and I healed some but the scars are still there and I just don't need to be forced to look at them. I have enough triggers as it is and this is a long investment that I don't think I'm able to do right now.

I have absolutely no doubt this show holds up throughout, because this was a recommendation from @lurkingshan so I have no doubt about the quality. And maybe one day, when I feel more up to it I might try again but not right now. Maybe never. I'm not kind to myself enough as it is and it takes a lot for me to stop watching a show once I start. But this time I think I really can't do it. Maybe I will never watch it. And that's okay.

[evilwickedme]

I would like to see the Jewish headcanons please

Hi yes thank you so much I wasn't fishing for this at all

We've already covered this in that post that gained me 150 followers in a week, but obviously Peter Parker is Jewish. My personal headcanon is that he's Ashkenazi and somewhere between Reform and Conservative. Like he flip flops on keeping Kosher and observes the high holidays as best as he can assuming there's no world saving he needs to get done, but overall being Jewish to him is about community and culture over the religious part of it

For Bucky Barnes, however, being observant was a way to reclaim his identity after... Well, you know. He's vaguely conservadox? He doesn't really define it beyond being Sephardic. He keeps Kosher (which was difficult during WWII unfortunately) and wears tzitzit and goes to shul whenever he can. He'd love to keep Shabbat but it's just not practical most of the time - essentially it's like being an on call doctor, where your job is essential to saving lives and therefore he can't keep Shabbat properly, but he likes to have Friday night dinners with his friends (and Natasha, whether they're together at the time or not) whenever he can. He doesn't know if God exists, but during the High Holidays is when he comes the closest to believing it

Bruce Wayne is canonically Jewish but like, by accident? I feel like he less defines himself as Jewish and more defines himself as Not-Christian™. His mother used to take him to Synagogue but the memories are vague now, but he always enjoyed lighting the candles on Hanukkah, especially with Jason. He stops celebrating the holiday after Jason dies, because he loved it so much. It's a shame because I KNOW Cass would love Hanukkah and Steph would be so into the Maccabees' story

Tim is also Jewish but he's entirely non practicing; his parents were never around to celebrate any holidays or impart any Jewish traditions on him and Bruce had stopped doing the one Jewish thing of lighting the hanukkiah/menorah (whichever you wanna call it) by the time he became Robin. The main Jewish thing in his life is antisemitic garbage being published about both Bruce and himself, especially once he becomes CEO of WE

Damian was raised Muslim and doesn't really know how to feel about being half Jewish. When he grows up he might try to find a way to reconcile those two parts of his identity, but the only Jewish person who actually practices that he sees even irregularly is Batwoman, who's his cousin once removed and he's not exactly close to, so he just doesn't feel the need to deal with it yet

The Thing and Batwoman are canonically Jewish this doesn't count as a hc I just love them

Same for moon knight minus loving him cause I have a bunch of his comics but just haven't gotten around to reading them

Actually can we talk about Mayday Parker? Because I feel like Peter would absolutely raise his daughter to be Jewish. He wants her to feel that connection to the Jewish people even though he's always been so wishy-washy about it and she grows up to be way more observant than him

I actually don't want canon!Clark to be Jewish, but I think exploring his Jewish subtext in fic can be so interesting? Cause, you know, he's Moses and shit. I feel like an Modern Orthodox Clark would have the exact same values as current Clark but also I'd love to hear his thoughts on certain Mishnahs, you know? Also having read the Death of Superman arc earlier this month I can confirm all Jesus metaphors in adaptations are such bullshit oh my God did you even read the comic

Anyway I think that's it for now? Unfortunately I have not read Every Comic Ever yet so there might end up being even more HCs later on (especially since I plan to read Greg Rucka's Lois Lane series soon and I'm hoping for some Jewish subtext in that)

Thank you so much for asking this was so much fun!!

[lancedoncrimsonwings]

hiyo! i know we aren't like, close or anything, but i wanted to say i'm sorry you're having such a rough go of things right now and i hope things start to look up for you soon. things will get better, if you give them time; you've survived everything you've ever gone through up until this point, so whatever's going on right now, you can survive this, too. nothing can last forever. not the bad things, not even the things that feel in the moment like they have no end in sight.

of course, that's not to say that you shouldn't let yourself feel sad or angry or whatever else you're experiencing right now, because that is absolutely your right! feel your feelings. it's good to not bottle things up, and it's okay to not be okay. just be sure that you're also taking care of yourself, being kind to yourself, and extending to yourself the same grace and compassion that you would show a friend if they were in your shoes.

anyway, there's absolutely no pressure to respond to this; i know we're strangers to each other, and i don't know how full your inbox might currently be. but just on the off chance that you see this, i wanted to pop in and say that i'm rooting for you.

chin up, my friend! you CAN do this, and you're not alone <3

TW; suicidal ideation mention, self harm ideation mention, mental health talk

Debated whether or not to answer this on here but I wanted to say;

Anon, I don't know who you are, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

You and the few who reached out helped me more than I can say.

I found solace in these words from you and maybe they might help others feeling the same way as I have been lately too.

That mantra- "you've survived 100% of your worst days so far" is one I repeat to myself every single time I feel like this, reading it here made me cry, but in a good way. It was so so validating to have someone support me in the exact way I truly needed at that moment.

And it's true, we're often our own worst critics and we never give ourselves the same allowances we would anyone else. I'm trying to see things in the "what would you say to a friend feeling like this" way, but damn, it's hard to. I wasn't strong enough that night to treat myself with the kindness I, like anyone else, deserved, but rereading this the day after helped me to try.

I'm not in the darkest depths I've ever faced, and I'm doing so much better than I did in this boat many years ago, but facing those demons again was... terrifying. I've never truly escaped the suicidal ideation or the urges to harm myself, but being so close to both for the first time in a long time truly was a wake up call. (Disclaimer; I'm safe, did neither, and don't intend to)

I'm proud of the work I've done, proud of bow far I've come and the fact no matter how bad I'm feeling or how much I'm struggling to cope that I AM still coping much better than I used to.

It sounds cliche as shit, but I'm living proof that it gets easier. Sometimes I forget that, but Anon, you helped to remind me.

I'm not coping well right now, nor am I really "ok" yet. But I have hope I will get there.

In the words of a friend of mine;

"Sometimes the best that we can say, is that we've made it through this far and we haven't died just yet. Sometimes the world's too much to take, but it's ok to feel that way, and you are not alone in it."

- "Sometimes" by City of Ashes

I have "Sometimes" tattooed on my hand and "Survivor" across my knuckles as a reminder of this. Sometimes just getting through a day is a win, and if that's where I have to be at the moment, then one day at a time it is.

I have survived every day so far, and sure, maybe one day I won't. But I never thought I'd make it this far, yet here I am. I can keep going.

[0xo]

that post about trying to break cycles by being nothing like ur abuser but actually failing to grow better behaviors... (tw lots of talk of suicide and death, mentions of abuse)

really hitting hard rn considering the death of my uncle who hated his (admittedly terrible) father but ended up perpetuating the same exact bullshit onto his wife and kids. and then died bc he couldn't face that fact. like when faced w divorce and the idea of losing his control over his family he... fucked off and died. (still don't have details on how, unsure if it was on purpose but. signs point to...) [AND PREFACING WITH: i do NOT think all people who die by suicide are cowardly or bad people or anything like that. i am talking about a very specific and complicated situation in my own family. please do not interpret this as me saying that all people who die by suicide were bad people/dodging responsibility/could've "worked harder to improve their situation." i know deeply that that is NOT the case, i have been personally impacted by suicide in other ways. i am just discussing one person and the circumstances around his death.]

and of course im sad, we were close once, he is family. ofc im sad he felt dying was better than trying to sort out his life or trying to be a good coparent. but the way he treated his (very sweet, very patient) wife was deeply unacceptable to me. he isolated her, and didn't properly care for his high-support needs autistic kids, and pinned it all on her. he was terrible to my mother and forced all my grandma's end of life care on my mother. he hurt us a lot with his behavior.

and like. i don't think he necessarily deserved to die bc of it, right? he had his own issues, he cut himself off too and refused help from everyone, these problems run in the family and he knew that and still wouldn't accept help. and you can't MAKE anyone accept help. but i can't help but think that if he'd, maybe, been open to the people who loved him, he could've... restructured. he was so smart, so clever, so creative! he could've done anything he wanted to, he was so good at anything he tried.

and yet. in trying to avoid being like his father. he ended up doing all the same things. and i think that was too much for him to handle. and i hate that, i hate that so much.

he leaves behind two brilliant, brilliant children - they're SO CLEVER. but he couldn't accept their support needs and didn't treat them well. they don't even know he's dead yet, i don't think. but they love him, and he saw them as manipulative and trying to intentionally ruin his life. they're small children. they haven't even developed the capability to manipulate yet, they just want some chocolate milk, right? and yet he compared those kids to his father.

it just hurts. this wasn't necessary. my poor fucking mum is now an orphan with two dead siblings. how is she meant to deal with all this? how is she supposed to reconcile the grief of his needless death with the absolutely shit way he treated her and their mother?

luckily we love his widow very much and we will make sure she and the kids are okay. but i truly don't understand anything. it just sucks balls to watch someone ruin their own life and leave a giant fucked up mess behind. and then everyone's saying sorry and apologizing for my loss, like i didn't lose him years ago, like we were still close, like i'm not angry with the way he treated the people around him. we grew up like siblings. but that connection was basically severed when he started acting like a jackass. i don't know how to respond to people trying to comfort me. they all assume i'm really really sad, and i am, but i'm also pissed off, and i don't think anyone knows what to do with that.

because you're not supposed to be pissed at someone for dying, especially if it's probably suicide, you're meant to be tragically sad. you're not supposed to say they were wrong, you're supposed to apologize for being wrong and not seeing the signs earlier, you're supposed to be sorry. and you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, even if they were fucking complicated, you're meant to shove all those negative emotions aside to grieve the good of them.

and i do grieve the good of him! i grieve the family member he could've been if he had actually broken cycles! but i'm fucking angry. you don't get to treat everyone around you like shit and then kill yourself to get out of being remembered as an asshole. it doesn't work like that. you're still an asshole, now you're just dead and can't take responsibility for fucking up people's lives. i'm sorry he felt that was the best way out. AND good god, he was a grown man with every opportunity to improve himself. and he chose to stagnate and be fucking mean. dying in a shit way doesn't erase that.

and like, listen, i understand that people are complicated. i don't think everyone who dies by suicide is an asshole. MOST people who do were genuinely failed by the people and systems around them, they weren't bad people, they were in bad situations. they didn't have help or a way out. it's not inherently selfish or evil, it's fucking devastatingly sad.

and mental illness is complicated and hard. like. hm. i don't think it's his fault he was fucked up, it runs heavy in our family, he was traumatized too. but. he talked so much about growing past that and then just... didn't. he had support, he had a good therapist, he talked the talk. and didn't walk the walk AT ALL. he treated people like dirt. and i understand that certain illness our family is prone to, they make it extremely hard to get or accept help, okay? i get that. i really do. but you can't just fall back on mental illness and trauma as an excuse for financially/emotionally abusing your wife and neglecting-to-the-point-of-abusing your children. it wasn't okay when his dad did it and it's not okay that he did it. and what makes it worse is that he was so aware of how fucked up his childhood made him, and self-aware enough to superficially recognize his own faults, but not enough to change how he interacted with people. why must these cycles continue! why!

i'm so angry and so sad. i don't even know my cousins well because he was so ashamed of how poorly he treated them that he cut us off from them. he hated my mum and so held me at arm's length to avoid interacting with her in any capacity. they're sweet kids...

anyways. sorry. im just so so so so so so so so so tired of death in my family and abuse cycles. im so tired in general and these giant unnameable unfathomable emotions don't help. i feel like the suicide element makes it even harder to talk about, because i sound like an absolute cunt for saying any of this to people who don't know the situation. nothing about it is simple. nothing about it is easy. i don't know what to do anymore at all tbh!!!!!!