#not that i doubted it would be i just find starting new series difficult so i've been dragging my feet on watching it lol

[1833outboy]

ok i caved and started iwtv. and what d'you know, it's really good cause my mutuals have great taste

[punkshort]

i know who you are | 2. the journal

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Your memories still remain out of reach, so you ask Joel to tell you a bit about yourself, and with the help of a journal you kept, you begin to learn more about the person you became in the past ten years, leaving you with more questions than answers.

Chapter Warnings: language, eating, alcohol use, angst, pining, sad!Joel, amnesia

WC: 6.3K

Series Masterlist

"Did'ya get any sleep?"

You glanced up at Joel as you walked side by side towards the dining hall.

"No," you admitted, looking straight ahead again.

After Joel left you in his - your - bedroom, instructing you to rest on his way out, you found you could do anything but. Your mind was spinning with all of the information you had just learned, and you weren't sure which topic consumed you more: the end of the world or the supposed love of your life.

The longer his words set in, the more you were finding it difficult to look at him. It was such a strange feeling, having this large, burly, gruff man proclaim his love for you, to say he would stop at nothing to make you feel the same way, to insist you were meant for each other. It seemed so out of character, though you hardly felt like you knew him. But even now as you walked down the street, you noticed how some of the people in town glanced at him. Moving quickly out of his way.

It wasn't just you who found him intimidating.

You were distracted as you walked, curiously peering into storefronts and repurposed buildings when a group of children playing a game of tag nearly ran into you. At the last moment, Joel tugged your arm, pulling you into his side just in time. The children seemed to realize their mistake because their laughter quickly stopped and the smiles fell from their faces as they looked up at him.

"We're sorry, Mr. Miller," a young boy no more than eight years old said.

Miller. You never even bothered to ask his last name.

Joel just grunted and they scurried away, no doubt eager to escape his glare. You chanced a look at him, studying his stern expression when you realized he was still holding you against him. He was warm. Warmer than you expected. And solid. You cleared your throat and stepped away from his grasp, muttering your thanks and glancing around the busy street to avoid the disappointed look in his eye when it became clear you weren't comfortable with him touching you.

You shoved your hands in the pockets of your jeans and continued to walk in silence down the main road. A few people shot you curious looks or did double takes as they walked by, and you had to assume if Ellie heard the news about your accident, then others had, as well.

The Tipsy Bison came into view at the corner of the street, made obvious by the large crowds of people gathered outside.

"Does everyone have to eat here or are you allowed to have food in your homes?" you asked him, and he looked down at you, surprised by the question.

"We got food. It's not like a prison or somethin'," he said with a chuckle. "Most folks like to come here to socialize, but sometimes we cook dinner at home," he stopped short when he realized he never asked you what you preferred. "Did'ya wanna stay home instead?"

"No, this is fine," you told him over your shoulder.

"You sure? Maybe it's too much right now," he replied, jogging a bit to keep up.

"I'm sure. You won't leave me, right?" you asked, looking at him nervously.

"'Course not," he said, trying to hide his grin. He liked that you wanted him around, even if it was only because you didn't know anybody else. It was a start.

When Joel swung the door open, holding it wide so you could enter first, it might have been your imagination but you thought the loud chatter simultaneously died down for a split second. Then Joel stepped in beside you and the volume rose once again.

You wanted to look around and take in the rustic atmosphere but you could feel the eyes on you as Joel led you through the crowd, the scrutiny making you feel extremely out of place, so you kept your gaze pinned straight ahead. Following dutifully behind, you watched as people automatically moved out of his way, like he was Moses parting the Red Sea, until he reached a table in a somewhat quiet corner of the dining hall. He pulled out a chair and stood behind it, his hand still resting on the back, and it took you a second to realize he was waiting for you to sit so he could push it in. You quietly thanked him then finally looked around the room.

The dining room had tables scattered around, and as far as you could see, they all appeared to be taken. People were standing in groups, drinking and laughing and eating and you wondered how in the world your table wasn't taken. You were about to turn and ask when an older man approached your table.

"Hey guys," he said, pulling out a pad of paper from his pocket. "What'll it be?"

You went wide eyed for a moment, looking around trying to figure out what your choices were when, much to your relief, Joel spoke for you both.

"Still got any of that stew left?"

"Sure do. Few guys got lucky earlier today, too. Got two deer, so we'll be havin' more soon," he replied, jotting something down on his paper. "Two whiskies?"

Joel was about to nod when you spoke up for the first time.

"Just water for me, thanks," you said, and the man nodded his head.

"Thanks, Seth," Joel said as he walked away.

You glanced at Joel quickly, awkwardly catching his eye. It felt too much like a date. Dropping your gaze to the table, you tried to think of something to say.

"Probably a good idea, skippin' alcohol," he said. "Didn't even think about it, what with your head and all."

"Yeah," you said, your hand coming up to gently touch the stitches. "Besides, I don't like whiskey, anyway," you added. Joel laughed softly as he watched you shift nervously in your chair.

"What?" you asked with a frown.

"Nothin'," he replied, still staring at you in disbelief. "Just ever since you got here you've been tossin' back whiskey better than most of the men. You must've gotten a taste for it at some point."

"There's no way," you said, scrunching your nose when Seth put down Joel's glass in front of him. He stared down at it wistfully, swirling the amber liquid in the glass, lost in thought.

"Whiskey's how we first met," he said softly, still staring at the glass. You tilted your head towards him, waiting for him to continue. "When you first arrived, you were like a caged animal. You came here lookin' to blow off steam," he said with a distant smile. "It was a slow night. Just you and me and a handful of others. You were tossin' that shit back like it was nothin'."

You watched him as he reminisced. His eyes shone brightly and a small smile played on his lips, it almost felt like you were intruding on something special.

"When me and Ellie first arrived, no one really went outta their way to talk to me. I preferred it that way. Was used to bein' on my own," he continued, looking up at you now. "But that night, you sat down next to me at the bar like you had been waitin' for me or somethin'. You asked me if I was drinkin' for fun or drinkin' to forget. Those were the very first words you said to me."

You were completely silent as he spoke. The way he told it, it felt like you could see the scene playing out right before you, the way he remembered every detail left you in awe.

"What did you say?" you asked a little breathlessly.

The corner of his mouth twitched and he looked down at the table.

"Drinkin' to forget."

You waited for him to elaborate, but when it became apparent he wasn't going to, you asked him another question.

"Then what happened?"

He raised his eyebrows and hummed, a slow smile stretching across his face before he answered.

"You told me you could help me have fun and help me forget," he said, and you could feel the heat instantly flush your cheeks.

"Oh, my god," you murmured, covering your mouth, utterly mortified. "Please tell me you're joking."

He shook his head, still smiling at the memory. You glanced around the room, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"So then, did we...?" you trailed off, gaze still fixed on a spot on the wall.

"Oh, yeah. 'Course we did. I'm no saint," he chuckled.

"Jesus Christ," you said, burying your face in your hands. "That doesn't sound like me at all."

"It's not. Well, not anymore. You had an edge to you when you first arrived. Most do. Survivin' out there does that to you," he said, taking his first sip of whiskey.

You sat in silence for another minute, contemplating asking him what he knew about your life before you met him, but ultimately deciding against it. Maybe another time.

"Where's the bathroom?" you asked him, and he pointed down a small hallway near the bar. You thanked him, his eyes trailing after you as you made your way through the crowds, only dropping his gaze once you were no longer in view. It was a strange thing, recounting stories for you like that. At first, the memories made him smile, but once he saw the lost look on your face he felt the sadness creep back up, settling deep in his chest, and he wondered if he would ever get you back.

You knew you were in the bathroom too long. You knew he would likely be worried, but you just couldn't stop staring at your reflection in the mirror after you washed your hands. Who was this person staring back at you? She looked older and weathered and tired. Your fingertip gently prodded at the bags under your eyes and then a small scar on your chin. What happened to you out there to make you the person Joel was describing? What did you have to do to survive? And did you really want to know the answer?

The door swung open, startling you as three girls around your age entered the bathroom. Their giggles stopped when they saw you and you watched them exchange glances in the mirror before a pretty girl with long, blonde hair greeted you by name. Turning around, you gave her a smile, hoping they would go about their business so you could slip out of there, but of course the pretty girl wanted to talk.

"We heard you had an accident, are you okay?" she asked, and she sounded sincere, but something about her smile made you think twice.

"Yeah, got a few stitches but it should be fine," you said, your eyes flicking to the other two girls, giving them each a smile. They looked at each other and smirked before heading towards the bathroom stalls, leaving you with just the blonde.

"So, is it true? Did you really lose your memory?" she asked, her voice low as if it were a secret, and finally you were able to pick up the vibe. You had been to high school before the outbreak. You had encounters with these types of girls before. Friendly to your face, vicious behind your back.

"Uh, yeah," you admitted, and she gasped as if she felt bad, but you saw the way her eyes lit up.

"So you don't remember, like, anything?"

"Well, I remember before everything went to hell," you told her, "but I don't remember this place, no."

"Oh, wow," she said, and you heard the toilets flush before the other two girls exited the stalls, grinning conspiratorially at the blonde. "So you don't know anybody here?"

You shook your head, feeling uncomfortable with the line of questioning at this point. What was she really getting at?

"That must mean you don't remember Joel, right?" one of the girls at the sink piped up. You looked at her briefly over your shoulder and shook your head, turning back to the blonde but not before you caught the look in her eye.

"Oh, that's too bad," she said, giving you a pout. "Does that mean you aren't together anymore, or-"

Suddenly, the door swung open and Ellie stormed in. Her hard gaze drifted around to the three girls and she gave them a look of disgust.

"Scram, vultures," she told them, and the blonde made a face at her before flipping her hair over her shoulder and heading to one of the stalls. Ellie called your name and you scurried over, allowing her to lead you back out into the dining room but not before she gave the other two girls a few choice words.

"Don't talk to them, they're nasty," she told you as you weaved your way through the crowd. Joel's eyes instantly found you once you were in view and you saw him straighten up in his chair.

"You okay?" he asked, and you could see the genuine concern in his face as you sat down. You were about to answer when Ellie plopped down on the other side of him and spoke first.

"Angie and her little sidekicks cornered her in there," she explained, rolling her eyes. "Already sniffing around for scraps."

"What do you mean?" you asked her, but just then Seth arrived with your meals and you never got an answer.

"Stew again?" Ellie asked, scrunching up her nose.

"It's good," Joel told her before taking a bite. You looked down at the bowl and you were inclined to agree with Ellie, but you swallowed the food down anyway, just grateful for something to eat after such a long day.

"Aren't you going to eat?" you asked her, noticing she hadn't ordered anything and instead was busy sketching in a journal.

"Nah, I'm going to Dina's later, I'll eat there," she explained without looking up.

"Who's Dina?"

"Oh, my girlfriend," Ellie explained, glancing up at you briefly. "Sorry. I still can't get used to this. It's so weird you don't remember."

"Don't be out too late. You got school tomorrow," Joel reminded her. Even though he wasn't Ellie's father, he seemed to have quite the knack for being a dad.

"Yes, sir," she said sarcastically, giving him a weak, two-fingered salute before hunching back over her journal. You heard some familiar giggles coming from somewhere behind you, and when you turned to look, you locked eyes with the blonde girl from the bathroom - Angie - who was holding some drink in her hand, her two friends flanking her sides as she strolled past your table. Her eyes drifted briefly to Joel before she passed by, then turned her attention to her friends, disappearing into the crowd.

"Who is that?" you asked, realizing you never really got much of an explanation. Joel and Ellie responded at the same time.

"Nobody."

"Joel's ex."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise as Joel glared at Ellie.

"What? She woulda found out eventually," Ellie protested.

"She ain't even an ex," he said, turning to you now. "Just a mistake I made one time before you even got here," he insisted. The tone in his voice made it sound like he was trying to reassure you there was nothing to worry about, but of course, the information didn't phase you.

"Okay," you replied with a shrug. He examined your blank stare for a moment, searching for a glimmer of recognition. The disappointment in his expression every time something like this happened was becoming too much to bear, so you dragged your eyes off him to glance around the crowded room once again. You found Tommy leaning against the bar and you stood up.

"Where are you goin'?"

"I need to ask Tommy something," you said. "I'll be right back."

His eyes followed you as you pushed your way towards the bar, his heart feeling like it was going to break. He wasn't exactly looking for you to have an overly jealous reaction to hearing about another woman from his past, but your casual indifference hurt more than he expected. When you first found out about Angie, you insisted you weren't jealous but the way you sneered at her going forward, combined with giving him the best sex of his life later that night told him a different story.

"You think she'll ever get her memory back?" Ellie asked, still focusing on her drawing. Joel sighed and dragged his hands down his face.

"I don't know, kid."

"What'd you need to talk to Tommy for?" Joel asked once you both arrived back to his - your - home. You had wandered into the kitchen, Joel hot on your trail.

"Oh, I just had a question about something I saw when we were out there today," you explained, and he raised an eyebrow for you to continue. "There were dead bodies when I came to. They looked all decayed and... subhuman. Now that you told me about the infection, I wanted to ask."

Joel watched you open and close cupboards until you found the glasses, then picked one out to fill with water.

"So you ran into some runners," he said, and you nodded. "Did he happen to mention how you hit your head?"

Your hand froze, your glass halfway to your lips as you considered his question.

"Actually, no, he didn't," you said, setting down the glass and looking up at him.

"Yeah, he didn't really tell me, either," he replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "When he told me you hit your head and you were havin' trouble remeberin' things, I just came runnin'."

Guilt washed over you yet again as you thought about Joel being told the news and how panicked he must have been. He practically ripped all the exam room doors off their hinges to find you, only to be met with a stranger when he finally did.

"Well, I can ask him tomorrow," you finally said, putting your glass in the sink to avoid looking at him.

"Yeah," he replied, trailing off a bit. He was still lost in thought, trying to remember Tommy's exact words when you walked past him towards the stairs.

"You're tired?"

"Well, it's been a long day," you told him, pausing on a stair to look back down at him.

"Right, 'course," he said, shaking his head and following you up. When you got to the doorway of his bedroom you paused, looking up at him. It seemed like he was struggling to say something, his mind working hard to find the words, but instead he just gazed down at you, brown eyes all wide and soft.

"Don't suppose anythin's comin' back to you yet?" he finally asked, and you hated seeing that look. That same hopeful look you kept seeing right before you opened your mouth and crushed him. This was hard for him, you knew that, but the way he kept looking at you was making things so much worse. The pressure you felt to become this person he was expecting you to be was overwhelming. You opted to drop your gaze to the floor and slowly shake your head.

"That's okay," he said, and you dragged your eyes back up to him. "Maybe tomorrow."

You gave him a small smile. "Yeah, maybe."

He sighed and glanced at the door to the spare room.

"You need anythin', I'm right next door," he said, hitching his thumb to the side and giving you a lopsided grin, but you could still see it in his eyes. The disappointment. The sadness. The yearning. And it was making you feel sick.

Just as he turned to head towards the spare room, you spoke. "Joel?"

And he eagerly swiveled back around.

"I'm gonna try really hard to remember," you said earnestly, looking deep into his eyes.

"I know," he replied with a sad smile. He gave you one more look before heading into the spare room and softly closing the door behind him.

Joel slept like shit.

No surprise there, really. He hadn't slept without you in years. He had hoped the whiskey would have helped, but he was wrong. His mind was racing as he tossed and turned, and by morning he had foolishly convinced himself that you would be back to normal after a good night's rest. He got up early and made coffee for the two of you, like he always did, then tended to the fire in the living room. The nights and early mornings were frigid, but the days were warm. The first sign that fall was approaching fast. He was just putting the poker back when he heard the bedroom door creak open upstairs and his heart jumped into his throat excitedly, but when you descended the stairs and locked eyes with him, he knew nothing had changed. He didn't even bother to ask. You didn't look at him the same way you used to. You used to smile and gravitate towards him, your hands always seeking out his, your eyes playful and loving, but now you looked at him like he was a complete stranger. Devoid of all affection, the only thing that remained was a forced politeness.

You said good morning and headed into the kitchen and Joel wondered how long it would take for you to come around. Less than a day ago, you looked at him in fear, but now you seemed at least comfortable in his presence. That had to count for something.

He must have looked like shit because when he joined you in the kitchen, you eyed him up and down curiously.

"Have you been up for a while?"

He shook his head and picked up his mug, taking a sip and hoping the caffeine would bring him back to life.

"How's your head?" he asked.

"Not great," you admitted, pouring your own cup of coffee. "It really hurts. I think whatever meds the doctor gave me yesterday wore off."

Without even thinking, Joel quickly closed the distance between you to examine your injury. You startled a bit when he came up behind you and lifted your hair, but for his benefit, you tamped down your reaction. His touch was surprisingly gentle as he gripped the nape of your neck to angle your head downwards in order to get a better look. You closed your eyes and held your breath as you focused on his fingertips pressing tenderly into your skin. You heard him murmur to himself, the sound coming from deep within his chest, and you realized just how close he really was. Aside from pulling you out of the way so the kids playing tag wouldn't knock you down, it was the first time he had really touched you, and he was so much softer than you expected.

"Don't think it's infected but let's go see the doc, just to be sure," he said, his hand still on your neck, his other hand pushing your hair away.

"Okay," you said quietly, finally allowing yourself to take in a shaky breath as you waited for him to release you.

As if he realized what he was doing, he let your hair fall back into place and let go of your neck, his fingertips lightly trailing down your spine before falling to his side, making you shiver and step away.

"Sorry," he said. "Should've asked to look first."

"It's fine," you told him, absentmindedly rubbing the spot on your neck his fingers just touched.

As you walked side by side to the infirmary, his stony expression slid back into place. Gone was the softness you witnessed in his home. His hardened gaze drifted around the street, then to the watch towers, taking everything in. Studying. Calculating. And that was when you realized there were two Joel Millers: the one who the rest of the town viewed as gruff and callous, and the one you saw in the kitchen that morning, soft and gentle.

You wondered how many people got to see the latter version.

Nick examined you again in the same room as before, but this time, Joel was there watching his every move like a hawk. You could practically see the tension radiating off Nick's shoulders as he moved around the room. He examined your cut carefully, Joel's eyes never once leaving his hands, confirming that it was not infected before parceling out ten little white tablets of extra strength Tylenol into a small baggie and advising you to use them sparingly as inventory was low.

"That's it?" Joel asked incredulously.

"You know how it is, Joel," Nick said, but you heard his voice waver when Joel stood up from his chair. "Meds are hard to come by, we gotta be smart-"

"She hit her goddamn head so fuckin' hard she's lucky she remembers her own name and you're givin' her Tylenol?" he seethed, and you could see his neck growing flush with anger again.

"Joel, calm down, it's fine," you said, sliding off the table. Turning to Nick, you were about to voice your thanks when Joel cut you off.

"It ain't fine. What's it gotta take to get somethin' that actually works?" he huffed, taking a step forward and making Nick shift his weight nervously. "She gotta be missin' an arm? Maybe if she hit her head hard enough to forget what fuckin' planet she's on?"

"Joel, that's enough!" you snapped with a frown, and much to Nick's relief, Joel instantly backed off. He turned and paced around the small room, his hand rubbing over his mouth as he tried to calm down.

"What about my memory? Is it a bad sign I haven't remembered anything yet?" you asked Nick, and Joel paused somewhere behind you to listen to his answer.

"Well, the brain is a tricky thing," he began, his eyes darting over your shoulder briefly. "It could be weeks, could be months. Without any imaging, I wouldn't be able to tell you much more than that." You nodded and swallowed nervously before asking your next question.

"Or never, right?"

Nick took a deep breath and looked at Joel over your shoulder again before responding.

"It's possible."

You heard Joel's boots squeak against the linoleum floor and without even looking, you knew he was anxiously pacing around again.

"Alright, thank you. We'll get out of your hair now," you said, turning to corral Joel towards the door.

"Regardless, I'd like to see you again in a few days so I can take a look at those stitches," Nick said, and you agreed while pushing a muttering Joel back out into the hallway.

"I'll get you better meds," he said as you both walked out of the infirmary. "I got patrol tomorrow mornin', but I can go out after. There's a small cluster of houses we never did a full sweep on. Maybe-"

"The Tylenol is fine, don't go through the trouble. You could get hurt," you said, shoving the baggie of pills into your pocket.

"Tylenol ain't gonna do shit. I don't want you bein' in pain if there's somethin' we can do about it."

You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck, trying to temporarily relieve the ache in your head until you could get home and take one of the pills. You gave Joel a sideways glance, studying him as you walked together. He was brash and rude and aggressive, but you were learning that side of him came out when he was being protective over the ones he loved.

Or when he was trying to hide who he really was.

"So, everyone pitches in around here, right?" you asked, trying to change the subject. "You do patrol. What do I do?"

You paused at a crossroads, trying to remember which way to go, when Joel's hand on your elbow guided you in the right direction.

"You work patrol, too, but you ain't doin' that anymore," he said, letting go of your elbow after holding on for a moment too long.

"Well, obviously. I don't even know how to ride a horse," you said with a snort. "So I guess I need to find a new job, right? Who do I talk to?"

"Why don't you slow down a minute?" Joel said with a chuckle. "Let that pretty little head of yours heal up before you go lookin' for work."

You weren't going to say anything about his comment. Although it took you off guard, you realized he had habits that were going to be hard to ignore and you didn't expect that to happen overnight, but he seemed to realize what he said on his own and awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Sorry," he said softly.

"It's okay. I know this is difficult for you," you said, shooting him a sympathetic glance as you climbed his porch steps. He swung open the door and followed you inside, where you made a beeline for a glass of water so you could take one of the pills.

"We got a lotta history, you and me. It's hard to start over," he said as he watched you toss back the Tylenol with a wince. You examined his face closely and pulled out one of the stools to sit down. You leaned forward, forearms resting on the cool countertop before replying.

"Tell me a story."

He raised an eyebrow at you but couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from turning up a bit.

"What kinda story?"

"A story about us. You just said we have a lot of history together. Let's hear some of it," you replied with an encouraging smile.

"You sure? Thought you'd wanna go lay down," he said, but he eagerly pulled up a stool across from you.

"I think I can handle one little story," you told him, then watched as he stared down at his hands on top of the counter, deep in thought. When he thought of one, a slow smile spread across his face and his dark brown eyes flicked up to meet yours and you saw that softer side of him again.

"Alright," he said, settling back a bit. "So I told'ya last night how we met."

You cringed, remembering the story of a much bolder and seductive version of yourself, and nodded.

"Well, after that night we started seein' each other for a few weeks. It was just casual, nothin' serious," he said, looking down at his hands again. "I convinced you to sneak around so no one would catch on, and you grew tired of that. Rightfully so. I was bein' an asshole."

You watched him pull at a loose thread on the cuff of his flannel shirt, his eyes still cast down and you were beginning to realize it was due to shame.

"So anyway. One day you came over to, y'know..." he said, and you felt the heat in your cheeks again. "And you confronted me about it head on. Demanded to know why I wanted to keep you a secret. Thought I was ashamed of you - which I wasn't," he said quickly, his eyes finally meeting yours again. "But I had been through a lot of shit and I just didn't think I could give myself to someone like that again."

"What kind of shit?" you asked quietly, but he just lightly shook his head.

"One story at a time," he told you with a sad smile. You chewed on your lower lip as you waited for him to continue, his focus back on the loose string while he collected his thoughts.

"So I explained I had a hard time lettin' people in, that I wasn't capable of carin' 'bout anyone like that anymore, and you said to me, 'I know who you are, Joel Miller. Don't give me that bullshit, you're just scared.'"

He stared into your eyes, letting what he said land and hoping to see a flicker of the woman who spoke those words, but you just continued to look at him, waiting for him to finish the story like it was about somebody else entirely.

"Well, you were right, obviously. You always are," he continued with a smirk. "It knocked me on my ass. And I didn't know what was more difficult to believe: that you knew me better than I knew myself, or someone like you wanted anythin' to do with me in the first place."

You smiled and dropped your gaze to the counter, suddenly feeling shy.

"I'm not saying I don't believe you, but so far, these stories don't sound like me at all," you admitted.

He took a deep breath and finally stopped fidgeting with his sleeve.

"A lot's happened in ten years. Stuff that changes people. But I don't care what version of you's here, I love all of you."

You kept your eyes glued to his hands. You wished you could say it back. You knew he wanted to hear it. Maybe one day.

He tapped his finger on the counter, pulling your attention up so you were forced to look him in the eye.

"You fought for me that night, now I'm gonna fight for you, okay?" he said, eyebrows raised as he waited for you to acknowledge him. When you nodded sheepishly, his shoulders relaxed.

"So you're saying I fell in love with you because you were an asshole?" you joked, trying to lighten the mood, and it worked. Joel laughed heartily and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nah, you didn't love me then," he said, still smiling.

"So how did I fall in love with you?" you asked, and his tongue clicked against his teeth.

"You're gonna have to wait to find out," he replied with a wink.

It wasn't his fault, but the rest of the day you could feel Joel looking at you. He was examining you, waiting to see the woman he fell in love with, and the pressure was beginning to be too much, so you made up an excuse to go lay down in his bedroom. He had mentioned he had patrol in the morning. Maybe some time away from him would help you relax.

You stared up at the white ceiling. The distant sound of children laughing outside through the closed window and then the door to the garage swinging open and shut acted as a soundtrack to your overactive thoughts. You almost had to laugh. It felt like your mind was constantly working, churning up information and digesting it only to always come up empty.

Absolutely nothing seemed familiar. Nothing about this place or these people felt like home.

You wished so badly you could remember something. Anything to make you feel like you belonged there. One little shred of hope was all you were looking for.

And then you remembered the journal.

Sitting up in bed, you tucked your legs underneath you and reached over for the black book. You fingers hesitated for a moment on the cover. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but how could that be when it was your own?

Taking a deep breath, you flipped open the journal and began at the beginning.

Right away, you could tell you wrote the entries. There was no doubt in your mind. Aside from your handwriting, your typical disorganization shone through like a beacon on every page. You occasionally remembered to notate in the margin the date, or your best guess at the date, but more often than not you were left with very little context for each small paragraph you read.

You were disappointed to realize the journal seemed to begin after you had met Joel. A big part of you was very eager to learn more about the person you were before finding Jackson, but it seemed as though you would have to depend on others to tell you stories you hopefully had relayed to them in the past.

The first page looked to be a list of items you had jotted down that didn't make much sense, but maybe when you first found the notebook, you hadn't intended to use it as a journal.

Socks, colored pencils, sunflower seeds, cards.

Flipping the page, you skimmed a short paragraph about a cabin you stumbled upon when on patrol. Again, it was more notes than anything of any substance. A description of approximately where it was in relation to Jackson along with a note to 'mention it at the next town hall meeting'.

Finally something interesting on the next page, you read a short paragraph about someone named Maria having a baby girl, and you frowned when you read the line Joel handled it better than I expected.

Continuing on, you read an entry about Christmas: Joel found me the softest sweater, it almost felt brand new. I really don't know how he managed to find it and I described the house I grew up in to Ellie and she drew it perfectly, I can't believe how talented she is.

One paragraph in particular grabbed your attention. It was about two people, and based on the context, it sounded like you were close friends. For the first time since we got here, I had the same day off as Ben and Lisa. We went fishing together and brought a lunch. It felt just like old times. As weird as it sounds, sometimes I miss being out there with them. We made a good team.

Maybe this Ben and Lisa would be able to answer some questions you had about yourself. Based on what you just read, it sounded like they knew you before Jackson.

There was a lot more to read, but the next page stopped you dead in your tracks. Your heart began to beat faster as you stared at the four words. Just one sentence, no explanation. A shiver slowly trickled down your spine as you sat there, unmoving, as your vision narrowed on the page: Joel lied to me.

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[blackbleedingrose]

Long Lost Morningstar - Part Three

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing(s): Charlie x reader (platonic), Vaggie x reader (platonic), Emily x reader (platonic), Sera x reader (platonic), Charlie x Vaggie

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Betrayal

Warning(s): Cursing, lies, betrayal

Notes: This is the third installment of LLM. This part will be shorter than part 2 and will finally go over the trial and (Y/N)'s reaction the extermination. I'm going to be honest, I'm dropping my other hazbin mini series. This is only until I can find the time and motivation to write it. I'm really busy with school and work, and lately my obsession with Hazbin has started to die down. I still love the series and fandom, but that's just something that happens to me from time to time when I watch a new series or get into a fandom. It comes and it goes, and I've been reading a lot of hazbin stuff but now it's starting to feel like an obligation I've set for myself and it makes reading less fun and more like a chore. I have no doubt my obsession will come back when the 2nd season comes out. This happens will all the fandoms I am apart of - like right now, I'm obsessing over Avatar the last airbender again after rewatching the series (not the live action). Don't worry, I'll continue this series as I don't want this to end up unfinished. I have the outline pretty much written, but it will take time to finish - so, please, bare with me.

Singing Colors: Adam, Lute, Charlie, Emily, Sera, (Y/N).

Words: 1631

"If Hell is forever, than Heaven must be a lie!".

As the time of the trial drew closer, there seemed to be a few hiccups on Heaven's side of things.

The angel who was supposed to be the trial's stenographer got a nasty cold and all the replacements had their own responsibilities to attend to. The only angel available just so happened to be (Y/N) herself.

When one of the court angels asked (Y/N) if she could do it, she didn't hesitate to accept.

Now she had the perfect excuse to watch Charlie's trial without having to sneak in!

Imagine Sera's surprise and horror when she saw (Y/N) sitting at the stenographer's desk.

"(Y/n)? What are you doing here? Where's Angela?" Sera asked. She was a bit panicked, but did her best to hide it. (Y/N) smiled politely at the higher seraphim, clearly oblivious to Sera's rigid demeanor. "She got a pretty bad cold last minute and all of the other replacements were busy today; and since I was the only one who was available - here I am!".

Sera gave her an uneasy smile, "I see. Thank you for your help today, it's much appreciated". This was the last thing she wanted. The resemblance between (Y/N) and the Princess of Hell was very difficult to ignore and could raise questions if it wasn't for the stardust story Heaven fed everyone.

Sera had wanted to keep (Y/N) away from the trial in hopes of avoiding any contact between her and Charlie. She didn't want (Y/N) to accidently discover the truth about her lineage.

Sera loved (Y/N) like a daughter.

When (Y/N) was younger Michael would sometimes have Sera babysit while he attended to his more serious duties.

She practically helped raise her and she refused to let some misguided demon princess and her partner ruin that.

Unfortunately, the court needed a stenographer.

With no one else available, she was left with no other option.

Sera thanked (Y/N) for her hard work and for stepping in.

She gave the girl a gentle forehead kiss before leaving her to prepare for the trial.

It was only for today and once this pointless trial was over everything would go back to the way it was.

And (Y/N) would be none the wiser and away from that misguided influence.

However, things weren't as perfect as Sera had hoped for.

The moment Charlie and Vaggie entered the courtroom and saw (Y/N) sitting at the stenographer's desk, the two cousins eagerly waved at each other.

Sera's eyes widened in horror. No. This wasn't supposed to happen - it was the worse case scenario.

When did those two meet?!

She sighed in frustration already knowing that (Y/N) must have sought the girl out herself.

Dammit Emily.

(Y/N)'s curiosity was her biggest flaw and was going to end up getting her into serious trouble if not handled properly.

Sera quickly composed herself. No point in losing herself and catching any unnecessary attention.

She still had a trial to run and then she'll have a talk with (Y/N) later.

Now, (Y/N) was nice to just about everyone. She could get along with just about anyone she's ever met. But there was one person, or rather two, she just couldn't stand.

Adam and his little crony Lute.

These two irritated her to no ends with how high and mighty they acted. How either of them managed to stay in Heaven was beyond her.

Her father just told her to bare it, despite him also disliking the two of them - especially that narcissistic douchebag Adam.

(Y/N) did her best to hide her grimace whenever Adam spoke during the trial.

As the trial went on (Y/N) felt a little nervous when Charlie was shut down from making anymore definition references. She could see how nervous her poor cousin was getting.

When Charlie looked over at her, (Y/N) made sure to give her a small smile and mouthed, "You've got this".

This managed to help calm Charlie's nerves enough for her to regain her composure. Charlie got a little more confident when presenting Angel Dust, the hotel's first patron.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes when Adam spoke up again trying to discredit her cousin.

"Well if you know so much, what do you think it takes to get into Heaven?".

Charlie's question stumped more than just Adam. (Y/N) had to take a moment to think - how does someone get into Heaven?

Being Heaven-born (Y/N)'s never had to be on the other end with humans who had to earn their place in paradise. And if someone as crude and vile as Adam can get into Heaven then what did it take for others, especially the damned who didn't deserve Hell - like children, for example.

Adam quickly wrote on a piece of paper before giving it to Vaggie to read aloud.

"'Act selfless, don't steal, stick it to the man?' - are you fucking serious?".

"Uh, yeah. Sure got me here, didn't it? Right, Sera?".

(Y/N) raised a brow. That's all it took to get someone into Heaven?

Charlie tried to argue Angel was doing all of those things, to which the court decided to observe Angel through the courtroom's orb. At first, things weren't looking good for Charlie when Angel gave into peer pressure.

(Y/N) bit her lip, silently hoping this would somehow take a turn for the better. She really wanted Charlie to show her hotel worked and for Adam to eat his words.

Luckily, things did start looking up when Angel took care of his friend, Nifty, and defended her from that awful moth demon.

"Then why isn't he here, huh?".

(Y/N) paused her typing - why isn't he here?

This started a whole argument at the unfairness of it all. How even those in Hell could be redeemed if only given the chance. (Y/N) and Emily saw the change in Angel and how he did everything on Adam's list.

"A man only lives once, we'll see you in one month".

. . . Wait what?

(Y/N) furrowed her brows in confusion. One month? What was he talking about?

"Gotta say I can't wait to-"

"Adam".

(Y/N) looked up at Sera, did she know what he was talking about? What the hell was going on?!

"Come down and exterminate you".

. . . WHAT?!

(Y/N) and Emily looked horrified at the shocking news.

"Wait!".

"Shit!".

(Y/N) and Emily fly over to Charlie, Vaggie, Adam, and Lute looking sadly at the orb showing the residents in Hell being mercilessly killed by the exorcists.

"What are you saying?"

"Let me get this straight".

"You go down there and kill those poor souls?".

"You didn't know?".

Charlie was shocked to hear that not all of Heaven knew about the exterminations. She was relieved to hear that her cousin didn't know and that she seemed to be against it.

"Whoops!".

"Guess the cat's outta the bag!".

"What's the big deal?".

(Y/N) and Emily turned and looked up at Sera.

"Sera tell us that you didn't know".

"I thought since I'm older, it's my load to shoulder".

"No".

"You have to listen, it was such a hard decision".

Sera flew down from her seat.

"I wanted to save you".

She took (Y/N) and Emily's hand in her own.

"The anguish it takes to, do what was required".

The hellfire reflecting in Sera's eyes unnerved (Y/N) and Emily - almost like she enjoyed the suffering and senseless murder of the sinners in Hell.

The two glared at Sera.

"To think that we admired you".

They tore their hands from hers and flew back away from her.

"Well, we don't need your condescension! We're not children to protect! Was talk of virtue just pretention? Were we too naive to expect you, to head the morals you're purveying?".

The two flew back down in front of the orb.

"That's what the fuck I've been saying!".

Charlie walked over to the two angel's grabbing their hands.

(Y/N), Charlie, and Emily moved up and stood on top of the orb showing the exorcists killing sinners.

"If Hell is forever, than Heaven must be a lie!".

"Emily! (Y/N)!".

"If angels can do whatever and remain in the sky!".

The three jumped down and stood before Sera.

"The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say! When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again!".

Things only continued getting worse with Charlie finding out Vaggie was an angel and an ex-exorcist, Sera's final ruling of no evidence of sinners being able to be redeemed, and Adam's threat of coming to their hotel first.

"Charlie, it will be okay! I'll find a way to help you - I promise!" (Y/N) called out before Charlie and Vaggie were forced to back to Hell.

After Sera had finished talking to Emily, she went after (Y/N) who had already left the courtroom.

"(Y/N)! Wait, please!" Sera begged grabbing (Y/N) by her wrist. "Please, let me explain!".

(Y/N) turned her head and glared at Sera with such intensity it sent shivers down the High Seraphim's spine. She's never seen (Y/N) look at her like that before.

It broke her heart to see the girl she's helped raise and thought of as a surrogate daughter look at her with such anger and disgust.

"Explain what, Sera?! That you've been here playing God and allowing the murder of sinners! They're already in Hell, what more could you possibly want?! They don't deserve this!" (Y/N) yanked her wrist from Sera's hold and flew away.

She couldn't believe this had been going on and she never even knew! Tears filled her eyes as she thought about her poor cousin. She knew needed to do something to help Charlie.

But first, she needed to see whether or not her father and the other archangels knew about this all along.

Taglist:

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[undertheorangetree]

The Last of the Dragons

Chapter Two- The Deal

Summary- After the disastrous bedding, the new couple tries to improve their situation.

Warnings- MDNI 18+ NSFW. Female reader. Incest. Lots of arguing. Angst. Homegirl’s having a difficult week. Mirrors. Masturbation. Fingering. Coming in pants. Idk how else to tag that one I’m sorry. Aemond’s just helping.

Author’s Note- I promised sexier so I delivered besties. But also it’s still sad oop.

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She manages to remain hidden in her chambers for three days following the consummation. Though she doesn't go as far as barring the door, she may as well have, only allowing two maid servants into the room and no one else save her grandsire. She allows him in the morning after the wedding, knowing that he is too persistent to keep out. The pleasantries only last so long, with him informing her of Baela and Rhaena's plan to return to court in time for her coronation before he begins inquiring as to whether or not the consummation was successful. She keeps the details as vague as possible before managing to kick him out with complaints of sickness. It keeps him away, him and everyone else who could possibly want to see her. And she is glad for it. Though it is not fair, she blames Corlys for her humiliation and refuses to speak with him further until this shame dissipates, unsure as to how she will ever be able to look at anyone within that damned council without thinking of how they had all put her in this situation. How they had watched them, her, while she and Aemond had done their duty.

It is foolish, she knows, to remain upset. A thousand women have endured such a fate before her and she does not doubt a thousand have yet to bear it, but she is the queen now. Should she wish to sulk in her shame, there is no one in the realm who can pull her from her rooms now.

Or, at least, not many.

He gives her time, keeping his distance for nearly four nights, but she knew he would come to her eventually. Duty is the pillar Aemond has built his life upon and he would not allow it to go unattended for long. Though she had thought he would come to her during the day, that he would find the time in his rigorous schedule to knock on her door and berate her for her lack of attention, for attempting to skate her duty. It was so expected that she had prepared herself for it, steeling herself whenever she heard footsteps sound too close to the door.

She hadn’t expected him to come in through the passageways during the hour of ghosts, appearing in the mirror behind her as suddenly as a wraith.

She is forced to stifle a shriek when she catches sight of him, turning quickly to face him. It feels almost like having your back on a predator, the discomfort only growing when she catches the look on his face. Jaw set, lips pursed, looking around the room in disdain. It takes more effort than it should, to attempt to appear unaffected, but there is only one thought coursing through her mind now. That he is here to claim his rights, to do his husbandly duty. He had given her respite, likely longer than he had any reason to, and now he is here to begin what must be started.

The very thought makes her stomach sink, the consummation replaying in her head like a terrible dream, but she forces herself to steel her spine and appear unbothered, reprimanding him through the mirror.

"By the gods, Aemond, there is a door for a reason, you know. You cannot just sneak into my rooms like a thief in the night."

His mouth twitches at that, his irritation evident. "You are not answering your door. Nor are you leaving your chambers. I had almost begun to believe that you are ill."

"I am ill."

He simply hums, making his way toward her. She stiffens, whole body going rigid, but he does not touch her. Instead, his hand goes to the line of ornate bottles that sit below her vanity, each one lined meticulously. He picks up one of the bottles, uncorking it before holding it under his nose. It's a perfume, one that she had been gifted before the war by one of the lords vying for her affection. She had always liked it- a pretty thing that smelt of peaches and honey- and had used it sparingly, but his face remains unchanged as he pushes the cork back in and sets it back in the line.

"My mother has yet to leave me alone," he announces into the silence. She goes still again, not needing him to continue, but he pays her no heed. With his eye still locked on her, he continues. "She is determined to ensure that I understand the importance of conceiving an heir. Corlys as well, though I imagine he has come to visit you despite your illness."

It is her turn to clench her jaw, biting her tongue as she leans forward to fetch her hairbrush. "He has."

"Then you know why I've come?"

Read the rest here :)

Taglist- @ammo23 @bellstwd @kckt88 @aemondsbabygirl @shygardengalaxy @duds31 @at-a-rax-ia @ladymarg0t @queenofshinigamis @drakar-i @cl-0-vr @castellomargot @moonlightfoxx @ladybug0095 @marihoneywk @the-common-cowgirl @darylandbethfanforever9 @bunny24sstuff @helaenaluvr @eternally-passionate @herfantasyworldd @toodlesxcuddles @ashovertheriver @lokiofasgard12 @hypocritic-trash-baby

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[lillsisamarshmallow]

Moving day! (17)

Summary: Y/n spends the next week searching for a new house, and when she thinks luck has run out, something odd happens. Driving hybrids, polite agents, giant IKEA, being crushed by a falling mattress covered in plastic… who knew moving houses was so difficult.

Word count: 5.7k

Warnings: None! Let me know if I missed any!

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I sighed as I slowed the car down before the red light, taking a moment to rest my head in my hands, hoping to ease the stress that had been bubbling up inside me. It had been almost 2 weeks since we temporarily moved into Jisoo’s house, and we still weren't having any luck finding a new place. I was on my way back to the cafe from a viewing that I went to alone. That house definitely wouldn't work. I thought to myself, the photos were deceiving to what it actually was like, and the agent was really rude the whole time, rather than showing me around the house she kept taking photos in front of it, posing.

Rolling my eyes at how annoying the agent was, I grunted at the idea of another house being crossed out from the list. Let's just hope the next one is better. I tried to think positively about the next house as I started driving again. I was heading to the cafe to pick up Namjoon and Yoongi since it was their turn to come to one of the viewings and honestly this next house looked perfect, but I couldn't help the small voice in the back of my head that was whispering negative thoughts and making me doubt our chances with this house.

I pulled up in front of the cafe and made my way inside, I saw a few of our regulars and I gave them a welcoming smile as I made my way into the kitchen walking past Hobi and Jimin who were manning the register. I opened the door to see Jin and Yoongi cooking whilst Namjoon was taking drinks out from the cooler. I giggled as the sight of bright green caught my eye from the tape of the floor, the lines Namjoon and Taehyung weren't allowed to cross.

“Is it time?” Yoongi asked as he was the first to notice me. I nodded my head as I walked over and sat down on a stool while I waited for them to get ready to go. I watched as Yoongi untied his apron and lifted it over his head, making sure not to get it caught on his ears. He folded the apron neatly before telling Jin when to take the food out of the oven, to which the older man nodded. “How was the house you just saw?”

“Not great if I'm being honest.” I sighed before jumping off the small stool, I walked over to the plate of freshly baked almond croissants, I haven't eaten yet today, and I was starving. “It would have never worked, and I didn't like the agent lady.”

I heard Yoongi hum at my response from behind me. I quickly reached out and grabbed one of the delicious-looking croissants and stuffed one end into my mouth. I turned around and asked them if they were ready to go, but what was supposed to be a question came out as an incomprehensible mumble due to the pastry that was blocking my words. I watched as Yoongi gave me a gummy smile as he laughed and nodded his head, Namjoon walked over to us too with a smile on his face.

We walked through the cafe and out the front, saying goodbye to the others on our way past them. As we made our way outside Yoongi gestured for me to throw him the keys, which I gladly did. I was happy to take a break from driving. We all got strapped in the car and I gave Yoongi the directions and we set off to the next viewing.

I happily munched on my late lunch as I watched yoongi drive. I liked watching him drive, I couldn't explain why, but I couldn't drag my eyes away. I noticed that I had been caught by how he started smiling and glanced away from me and out his window. I blushed as I readjusted myself to sit up straight and look out my window. Large trees lined the road, the canopy almost fully covering over us, just allowing small patches of light to seep through the branches and their leaves.

The area looked serene and quiet, occasionally we’d pass a small turn, but our map said to keep going.

“The next left.” I said to yoongi as I looked at the GPS map on my phone that I had punched the address of the house into. Reaching the right turn we made our way down the very long, skinny driveway until the trees pulled back and opened into a field, and in the centre was a rather large wooden house, it had small garden beds in the front of the porch, but they had no plants in them, indicating that the place had been vacant for a while.

“Woah.” I whispered as the full house came into view, my mouth opened in shock, it looked amazing, better than the photos, it had 3 levels, the top being more of a covered seating area, it had a full wrap around porch outside and multiple stairs to get up to it.

The gravel crushed under the car wheels as Yoongi pulled off to the side to park the car. The 3 of us made our way over to the front of the house where there was an agent waiting with the keys and another handful of people who were also interested in the house.

The lady welcomed us all before unlocking the doors, allowing us to roam around on our own. The bottom level had the living room, laundry, kitchen, all the basic things and the second level had all the bedrooms. The kitchen was gorgeous, and I couldn't help but think of how much Jin would love it. There were two large common areas downstairs too.

My mouth was open for most of our self-guided tour, everything was so amazing and checked all of our boxes. I bounced around on the balls of my feet as I couldn't contain my excitement, Namjoon and Yoongi followed behind me. I could hear them chuckling at me and mumbling to each other, trying to remember everything so they could tell the others when we got back.

Making our way upstairs to the bedrooms the first one we walked into was the largest according to the map on the website.

“This would be your room.” I said to both of them we had a quick look around, it could definitely fit a large enough bed for them all. The next 3 rooms were all the same size, the ones that I had suggested would be used so the boys could have their own areas for hobbies and such. The last room was at the end of the hallway, and it was away from the others for a bit. We walked in and had a look around, it was the only room with its own bathroom. It wasn't as big as the first room, but it was bigger than the other 3. “And this would be my room.”

We kept looking around and everything seemed perfect. The backyard was large and even included a section of the woods surrounding the house. It had more garden beds on the side, presumably for veggies and similar things. I let the boys go and have their own look around while I leaned on the railing of the porch.

“This house is beautiful, right?” I looked to my side to see the agent lady lean down beside me, I smiled at her and relaxed in the informal atmosphere that she brought with her. She had long brown hair that was tied in a loose but professional bun at the back of her head, she looked over to me, her eyes were brown, and she wore pink lipstick. She was really pretty and oddly familiar. “My name’s Irene by the way.”

I stuck my hand out to shake hers as she introduced herself to me. “Hi, I’m Y/n.” I saw her eyes widen slightly at my introduction.

“Y/n?”

I nodded, I smiled as I looked back out into the yard. “It’s a very beautiful house, everything we were looking for actually.”

“Oh? Have you been looking for long?” She asked curiously.

“Just over a week, but we haven't had any luck yet.” I explained to her as I sat up to face her politely. “We’re staying with a friend for now, but we really need to find somewhere.”

She hummed at what I said before speaking. “Is it just the 3 of you?”

“Uhh- no. There’s 5 more of us. Hence why we need a big house.” I chuckled. We kept talking for a bit as we sat down on one of the seats, a few other people came up to her to ask some questions and a few people let her know that they weren't interested and headed out, but she didn't seem to mind.

Eventually the boys came back to me, and we were the last group to leave the house. I watched as Irene locked up and made her way down the stairs to stand near us. “Did you like the house?” She asked politely.

“Yep, it checked all of our boxes, I can't wait to tell the others about it.” I exclaimed as we began walking back to the cars.

“That's great! Well, I'll be sure to keep a look out for your application.” She grinned before winking my way, I still couldn't shake why she looked so familiar, she's probably just in a lot of ads or something.  I nodded my head and laughed as we went our separate ways. The whole ride back to the cafe was just us discussing the house, what we liked, what we didn’t, whether or not the others would've liked it and if I should make an offer for it. 

I was laying on the couch, my head propped up on Hoseok’s lap as Taehyung laid on my stomach with his body between my legs. We were all watching a movie in the living room. I don't remember what it was called, but I was constantly confused by how many things went unexplained. I moved my hands up to rest over my chest, the fabric being loose meant that I didn't have to worry about being tangled up in it. It was Seokjin’s jumper, or at least I think it was, I don't remember. The boys kept giving me their jumpers and jackets. I wasn't sure why, but I wasn't going to complain since they kept me warmer than my own jumpers and it reminded me of them.

The jumper was big on me which meant that I could snuggle my face into it, the scent of vanilla and cherry had ingrained itself into my nose as I breathed around the oversized jumper. I could barely keep my eyes open as I kept skipping bits of the movie accidentally. The main character was annoying and so was his love interest, but the others seemed to enjoy it. 

I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket on the jumper under Taehyung's head. He lifted his head up slightly so I could reach into my pocket and grab the device. I mumbled a quiet ‘thanks’ before raising the phone up to my face. The light shone into my eyes making me squint, but after a few seconds they adjusted and I was able to see, as I read my top notification my eyes widened at what it was.

I gasped loudly as I sat up straight, I stared down at my phone rereading the notification, I heard a grunt as I realised that I had disturbed the big cat hybrid, he shuffled down more, his feet kicking into Yoongi as he moved his head to rest on my thigh instead. “Sorry.” I mumbled quietly as I reached one hand to pet his ears and play with his hair. I smiled at him before moving my gaze back to my phone.

I opened up my email app so I could properly read the whole thing, my face lit up as I kept reading until the end. “Guys, I got the house.” I exclaimed as I quickly reread the email from the company again making sure I hadn't misread it.

“What? No way. It's only been a day.” Hobi said from behind me, to which I passed him the phone so he could also read the email. “You got the house?”

“We got the house!” I cheered as everyone joined in excitedly. “Irene must have said something.”

“Wouldn't that be weird, you only met her that day, right?” Namjoon asked from across the room. I thought about what he said. He was right, I had only met Irene that day and we didn't know each other that well, why would she do this? I wondered in my head, it wasn't like we knew each other or anything, just our conversation while we were at that house.

“Maybe she thought I was pretty?” I half joked with the boys, I was genuinely clueless as to why she might have put in a good word, maybe she didn't, maybe we were just lucky. The boys laughed at my statement as we all sat in the living room practically bouncing with excitement. Everyone was so happy that we were able to find a place and it made my heart swell as I watched them all talk about it, knowing that I had done well. 

We discussed when to start packing up and when we would get everything moved in, we drew up another small basic map of the house and the boys started deciding who would share which rooms, some decisions were left up to a game of scissors, paper, rock, there was a lot of yelling.

Eventually, after deciding who was sharing which room, we all decided to think of a collective theme for the main area of the house and what types of furniture we would need. The house came with a few pieces of furniture, but we would have to buy a lot of our own and since Jisoo didn't have any room, I had to get rid of my old furniture. Which meant a trip to a furniture store to get everything.

I looked up at the big neon sign that was now slightly distorted from how close I was underneath it. The small trees and bushes outside were a vibrant shade of yellow and orange, which unfortunately did not match the building too well, but that didn't matter. The cold wind was strong today, and I tried to dig my hands further into my pockets to stop the cold from freezing them solid.

We all quickly made our way inside the giant store to get out of the cold weather, it wasn't even winter yet. I grumbled at how much I hated the cold weather, before remembering how beautiful it can be at the same time. The ground is covered in a white layer of soft snow, icicles hanging from trees, and intricate little snowflakes landing on your nose. I loved winter.

I was grateful when we got inside to realise that the store did crank their air conditioning all the way up like some places did. I sighed and took my hand out of the pocket of my puffy jacket that was laid on top of a jumper that was not mine, I rubbed my hands together quickly before taking a few steps further into the store. It was quiet and empty, not a lot of customers, not a lot of employees, the background music was low, and I could hear the rustle of leaves against some of the windows.

I saw an employee make his way over to us and ask his typical questions, but I let him know that I had it covered and then he went back to his seat behind the weirdly tall counter.

“Okay, game plan.” I said, turning around to face the troops and clapping my hands together. “What’s the game plan?”

“We should split up.”

“But what if we all choose different things? I’ve got the list.”

“Well, how about we stick together until we get most of the stuff, then we can split up and get the rest of it?” Jimin suggested. It was a reasonable idea, and for that reason, we chose to ignore it.

Everyone had ended up splitting and spreading out around the store, Namjoon had the list, and both me and Yoongi knew most of it off the top of our heads since we were the ones who made said list. I had gravitated over towards the bedroom section where I began to choose a bed from myself before someone walked around the corner.

“Oh? Hey, Y/n.” Taehyung said nonchalantly as he walked around the corner with Jungkook hot on his tail, I smiled at the 2 as I walked a few feet over to them. “Are you looking for a bed too?”

I nodded back at him as I spoke about one that had caught my eye earlier, but I wasn't dead set on anything. We continued to wander around for a bit, they both seemed to know what they were looking for, so I just tagged along behind them. Eventually we came to a wall and sat down in the corner of the room. It was the largest bed I'd ever seen, it would've fit at least 7 people, maybe even 9.

I watched as Taehyung and Jungkook raced for the bed before jumping onto it and laying down. I laughed at them as I ran to join them, the bed was soft and plush, and I basically sunk into it. I gasped at how great of a bed it was before I sat up onto my knees, making sure not to put my shoes on the display bed. 

“This bed is humongous!” And it’s so soft too.” I exclaimed before flopping to the centre on my stomach, I could have fallen asleep right then and there. “I didn't even know they made beds this big.”

“They used to have a few of these back at the shelter.” Taehyung just so casually said before he rolled off the bed. Shelter? I thought to myself.

“The shelter?” I asked whilst trying to haul myself up off the almost too soft bed.

“Uhh-yeah. The one that me and Jungkook were at.” Taehyung spoke, almost like he was trying to correct a mistake. I didn't want to push as I noticed the 2 men become quieter, so I put the thought and my questions aside and walked over to the sign with the information for the bed. I scribbled the exact name down before leading the boys back to the normal beds so I could choose one.

“It’s perfect!” I exclaimed as I got off the 27th bed I'd tried. It had a white bed head that had small shelves in it, and intricate designs, the base had underneath storage and the mattress was amazing. “Welp, that’s the beds checked off the list, where to next?”

Eventually we found ourselves in the living room area of the shop, where we quickly ran into Yoongi, Jimin, and Hoseok, eliminating the couches they had already looked at, and we started walking down the isles searching. The boys made a point to try every single couch we passed and put on posh accents whilst they spoke about each couch. Yoongi and I stood to the side as we watched them play, discussing the different couches we saw and laughing at the others.

Soon enough we found the perfect couch, there were enough seats for everyone plus some, it was crazy comfortable and was a dark grey in colour. After adding it on to the list we figured, no, we hoped that Namjoon and Jin would have the other major items covered.

Safe to say that our shopping trip went smoothly, for the most part. Hobi got lost in the bookshelves, Namjoon broke a display lamp, Taehyung and Jungkook almost got us kicked out, and when we left, we accidentally picked up a random stranger thinking it was Yoongi, who was sleeping in the beds. We didn't realise until we were leaving the parking lot.

Today was going to be long… and stressful. I thought to myself as I looked back at the full car from the rearview mirror, but I couldn't help the smile on my face. The keys jingled in my hand as I looked down at them, a few plain silver keys. I made a mental note to get a few more sets cut for the boys and to buy us all different keychains, I grinned as I thought of some ideas.

I hesitated before twisting the key in the door, but finally it was unlocked, and I pushed the door open and walked into our new home. It had an old wood smell to it, it was comforting, but I couldn't wait until it smelled like home. We didn't have much time to gawk at the house as pretty soon the furniture trucks showed up and the workers started unloading things and we all had to move them to the right areas.

“Oh! That one goes over there!” I yelled out whilst pointing over to the kitchen, the worker nodded and started moving the box that way whilst I held back onto the large mattress in front of me and began pushing it again. The mattress was heavy, but I was able to make it to the foot of the stairs. I sighed out annoyed before a light shone down for the heavens, my saviour.

“Here Y/n.” Hobi said as he reached for the other end of the rectangle, I thanked him and smiled up the stairs towards him. With our teamwork we were able to get the mattress onto the stairs, he pulled, and I pushed as we worked our way up. We were about halfway up before disaster struck.

“Y/n?” I heard Namjoon call out from somewhere below me. I turned towards him and hummed out, hoping he would find me from my sound. “Oh, there you are.”

Namjoon smiled at me, his dimples showing which completely pulled my guard down. He gestured towards something that he was holding, like he wanted me to take a look. I walked down the stairs, completely forgetting about Hobi and the big mattress that was still halfway up the stairs. 

I looked down at what he was holding as we both questioned the weird item that he had found, it was some statue. A chicken statue. The chicken looked like it was originally white, but it had years of dirt caked onto it, it had a brown, copper base with different carvings on it. It was a weird little thing, but it was also kind of cute. Absorbed by the small statue, I didn't hear Hoseok’s cries for help.

“Y/n? Y/n? Hello?”

“Y/n!”

“Y/N!”

I heard the banging as I turned back towards the stairs. I didn't have time to react as the mattress came tumbling down the stairs and towards me. It knocked me out, taking me down with it, just barely missing Namjoon who had stood next to me. Now he stood, confused, as he looked down at the mattress that laid flat on the floor, with me underneath it.

“Y/n!”

I grunted out as the light came back into my vision and I could breathe without inhaling the weird smell of plastic. I let my lungs fill with the fresh cool air as I tried to sit up, feeling two hands pushing my back and helping me. I could see the panic on their faces as they both looked down at me from their crouched positions next to me.

I laughed out as I shuffled slightly so I could sit more comfortably, I crossed my legs and held a hand to my chest as I caught my breath. I assured them both that I was okay, but when I went to pick the bed up again, they beat me to it. They both moved the bed upstairs and into my new room with me guiding them.

“We can just put it here for now.” I pointed over at the wall adjacent to my bathroom. “I haven't exactly decided how I’m going to set it up yet.”

I spent a few more seconds glazing around the room as I thought of different ways to decorate and move my furniture to fit the space, but I quickly dismissed the thoughts as we all headed back downstairs to help the others with the last of our boxes.

I flopped back onto our new couch, which was slightly harder than I'd like, but it was brand new. I sighed out loud as I lifted an arm over my head, resting my forearm across my forehead as I looked up. I felt the couch shift and dip slightly several more times, accompanied by several signs that fell in time.

“Who knew we'd need so many chairs.” I heard Taehyung whining from somewhere on the couch. I sat up and laughed slightly as I shook my head. I had a bit of a headache from all the pushing and pulling, my arms and legs felt like jelly, and my stomach felt as though it had been carved out with a spoon, but it was worth it.

I looked around me, the living room and kitchen were the only places that had been completely unpacked and decorated, most of the other rooms were still a bit bare and had brown cardboard boxes littered in them. The coffee table that sat in the middle had a small vase on it with some fresh flowers I made sure to pick up this morning, and it had a stack of coasters next to it and a small trinket dish.

This was the larger of the two open areas and so we decided to buy a tv for this room, I looked over to my left. The large black screen stood out against the wood texture of the walls. There were 2 large plants positioned either side of it, another trinket dish sat in front of it, underneath it was filled with a few movies and games along with organised cables and docks.

I smiled as I looked at the room that we had come together to create, I looked at the boys as they all took up different places on the couch, I couldn't help the smiling that spread of my face, or the burning that started as a spark in my heart before spreading to the rest of my chest. It hurt, but I could tell it was a good thing and so I embraced it as I sat and watched the boys. My boys

“Do you think we could plant flowers out the back?” Namjoon asked while looking over to me, I nodded my head before responding.

“Yeah! Flowers and maybe some vegetables too. We could set up an outside area too, with tables and chairs.” I exclaimed excitedly. We all continued to discuss random things about the house and what we could do with it, the boys even played a game of scissors, paper, rock to see who would share rooms.

The doorbell ringing was a pleasant distraction from our conversation, we all knew exactly what it was. We all got up and while me and Jimin headed to the door the others headed into the kitchen. I opened the door and smiled kindly at the delivery boy. I thanked him as I took the bags of food from him and handed a few over to Jimin to carry.

When we both got back to the lounge room the others had already bought us our own cutlery and bowls to eat from. The bags seemed to instantly get torn apart as I put them on the table. Within seconds I could hear the sounds of plastic lids being popped off containers and chattering as I took my seat between Jimin and Jin. The surface of the coffee table was now full of different takeaway containers that had various foods in them, my mouth watered at how good some of it looked.

“Let's dig in.”

I picked up some japchae and moved it over to my bowl, but before it fell down another pair of chopsticks stole it from me. I looked up to spot Jungkook grinning cheekily at me as he plopped my japchae into his bowl, I pouted at him and turned the other way, pulling the takeaway container closer to me to hopefully stop any future attacks on my food.

Finally, I was safely able to transport the food into my own bowl, I put the container back down before shuffling back into the couch and crossing my legs as I dug into the food. It was great, not too strong, a perfect balance of vegetables and noodles, I hummed out in joy, and I kept enjoying my food.

My attention was drawn away and a pair of chopsticks floated in front of me, dark, sticky noodles wrapped around them. I followed them over to Jin who looked at me kindly. He gestured for me to open my mouth, so I quickly swallowed the food in my mouth before opening it. Jin pushed the noodles into my mouth and I closed it so he could take the chopsticks out, I chewed for a bit before my face lit up as I faced him and nodded my head fastly, not being able to speak, I gave him a thumbs up and watched as he giggled lightly while looking at my full cheeks.

I finished my noodles and hesitantly looked over to Jin's bowl, I looked back up at him and he gave me an approving smile and I quickly dug my utensils into his bowl and took out some more of the noodles with the dark sauce on them. I chewed on them happily and I sat up straight and looked around. I was swaying side to side lightly in my position, a side affected by good food.

Jimin leaned over to me and pinched some of the food from my bowl, I looked over to him and he chewed on it, his cheeks puffed out full of the food and his lips pursed tightly as he chewed. He seemed to be thinking about the food before he swallowed and gave me a bright smile, his eyes creasing until I could no longer see them.

I took that as him enjoying the food and I smiled back at him before I looked in his bowl, he had some kimchi in his. I looked across from us on the other couch, Hobi and Yoongi sat close to each other, Hobi had his legs on the couch, perched up near his chest. They seemed deep in conversation and passed the food between each other, sharing. I smiled at the both of them as I looked over to the two youngest pack members and Namjoon, who were all watching the tv intensely, completely focused on what every movie they had out of.

Jungkook sat in the middle, him and Namjoon eating from the same bowl that seemed to have more noodles in it, Taehyung had his own bowl with various foods in it, but no kimchi. I unfortunately wasn't able to order a less spicy one for him and myself, but that was fine because we had a lot of other options.

Jin put another mouthful of noodles in front of me which I gladly accepted as I smiled happily, still slightly swaying side to side, but the boys didn't seem to mind it. The night continued on as we all sat together in the lounge while we ate our first dinner in our new house. At some point I had given up on getting my own food as Jin seemed pretty content with giving me food from his bowl, and honestly, I didn't mind.

The sky became deep dark with small specks of sparkling stars, silent except for the rustle of leaves and the happy chirping of the crickets, the sky was clear, and the air felt fresh. I said goodnight to the boys as I retired into my own room, I looked around the empty box. I hadn't finished unpacking, my mattress was laid on the floor with a few blankets and pillows and a small lamp beside it.

The covers felt foreign to my skin as I pushed my bare legs under them, the bottom of my shorts riding up ever so slightly. I punched the pillows until it was soft enough and I laid my head to rest on top of it. I nuzzled further into it and wriggled my body trying to get used to it. I reached out and shut off the small lamp, enclosing the room in a blanket of darkness with only the low glow of the moonshine peering through the curtainless windows.

I sighed out as I tried to put my mind to rest, I tried counting sheep, mathematical equations, making up silly stories, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep despite the tiredness that embedded itself into my bones. I opened my eyes again and grounded as I turned the small lamp on again, a warm glow now accompanying the moonlight. I sat up before flopping back down again, moving my position slightly so I was now laying on my back. I started up at the empty ceiling.

I looked side to side as I wondered why I couldn't sleep. A weird feeling had entered my chest since I came in here and it felt heavy. Emptiness. The room felt empty, a large room with nothing to fill it, loneliness. It wasn't a feeling that I was fond of, it was the type of feeling that would haunt me at night and allow my greatest fears to invade my mind and destroy me.

And for that reason, I had to get up.

I sat up abruptly and with a bounce in my step I hopped over to my door and switched the light switch before turning around to face my room. I had all my boxes labelled and separated into different groups in different areas of my room. I thought this feeling was coming from my unusually empty room, so I started to unpack my things. I popped in my earphones before I got started, pressing play on my playlist.

First, I put together my bed frame. I must have moved it 13 times before deciding on a location. I covered it in my sheets and blankets and topped it off with my pillows in a fancy way. I unboxed all of my clothes and started organising them into my closet. Next was the bathroom, shampoo, conditioner, towels, soap, everything I needed. Then came my desk, my drawers, a few posters, a carpet, I hung up some cute fairy lights too, accompanied by some fake vines and flowers, and a few real plants around the room too. Until eventually I had spent the early morning unpacking. The sun shining into my room made it look beautiful, but I was too tired to realise.

A/n: New chapter! A little late (I’m posting this as I eat my sushi 🍣) but I hope it’s worth it. The furniture store is suppposed to be an IKEA, but like, I’ve never been to one so idk what they are like. Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well, thank you all so much for 800 followers! (Wtaf??? 😭 ilysm !! 🫶💜). It’s kinda weird how quickly Y/n and the boys got their house, right?

Wonder why that is… 🤔

Oh well! 🤭 Hope everyone has a great day or night, and a lovely weekend! Thank you all so much for reading! 💜💜💜

[writing-for-marvel]

Withdrawal

[He’s Hazardous To My Health Series]

Paramedic!Bucky Barnes x Resident!Fem!Reader

< < PART 2 | Series Masterlist | PART 4 > >

Summary: You wait for Bucky to call.

Warnings: strictly 18+ due to the AU, some angst and self doubt, references to sex, references to Bucky having a traumatic past

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: Will he call? Won’t he call? Let’s find out! Banners by @vase-of-lilies

Main Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Taglist | Library

Bucky stares down at his phone and sighs.

He wants to call you, genuinely, so why is dialling your number so difficult?

Perhaps it’s too soon, is what he tells himself. It hasn’t even been a full day since the end of your date, calling now probably makes him look desperate.

Should he message you? Tell you that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about you all day? Ugh, no… that seems extremely forward for someone he’s only been on a single date with, regardless of if it’s the truth.

There’s never been anyone whom he’s connected with enough to warrant a second date, let alone have him promising to call. He’s completely out of his depth, drowning in a sea of anxiety and no one has taught him how to swim.

Bucky knows he’s overthinking, but you make it hard to think clearly. You have his brain short circuiting, reforming synapses so that all his thoughts are rerouted to the same thing: you.

Turning his phone off, he sets it down beside him. Just because he isn’t calling straight away, doesn’t mean he won’t at all. It’s probably better to wait and not seem super eager.

Or is that counterintuitive? If you enjoy someone’s company, should you let them know so you can see them again as soon as possible?

Fuck, why is this such a daunting task? He’s never had an issue with talking or flirting with anyone before, it seems to come naturally to him. And yet the thought that he’ll say the wrong thing, and fuck up whatever it is between the two of you is making his stomach churn with prickling nerves he’s never experienced before.

Perhaps he’ll find the courage to call tomorrow.

* * *

“You seem distracted, what’s on your mind?” The familiar voice from the driver's seat of the ambulance pulls Bucky from his daydream.

You, is what Bucky thinks. You are constantly on his mind. Him and his best friend Steve are half an hour into their shift and you have not left the forefront of his mind in that entire time.

It’s like he’s in a trance.

“There’s this girl from the hospital…” Bucky trails off, unsure how to articulate exactly how you’ve bewitched him since meeting not even a week ago.

The night before last wasn’t just another hookup. At least, not to him.

“I’m gonna need a little more information than that Buck, there’s been quite a few girls of yours, especially from the hospital.” Steve laughs, but Bucky’s chest tightens at the insinuation that you’re just another fling, even though Steve doesn’t know any better.

“Two nights ago we went on a date, it ended up back at her place.” This is probably not news to Steve - he’s heard many stories about Bucky’s one night stands which would have started exactly like this. But there is one huge difference this time around. “And then I told her I’d call.”

“You’re thinking about a second date with her? She must be something special.” Bucky chuckles under his breath. Yeah, you really are something special. So fucking special.

“She’s beautiful, intelligent, funny, witty. When she was treating that little girl from the train derailment she was so good with her, kind and patient. I don’t know how to describe it, we just click. I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself to feel more than physical attraction for someone but with her it just happens, I can’t stop myself.”

He doesn’t want to admit it to himself, but Bucky’s already addicted to you. He’s only had one fix, but he’s already showing symptoms of withdrawal. Every second apart feels like an hour, craving your company and the rapture firing in every neuron of his body when you’re in his presence.

“Look at you actually falling for someone.” Steve teases, without even knowing the full extent of how enthralled Bucky is with you. “So when are you seeing her again?”

Silence fills the front seat of the ambulance when Bucky can’t answer the question.

“Bucky, you have to see her again! Listen to how you’re talking about her, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you actually speak about wanting to see someone again. You need to call her.” Steve stops at a red light and looks over to Bucky in the passenger seat. His best friend knows him better than perhaps he knows himself but doesn’t have the same obstacle with letting people in as Bucky does.

“That’s easier said than done.” Bucky can’t mask the dejected tone in his voice, and Steve recognises the crestfallen hang of his head, knowing exactly what he means without voicing it aloud.

“I know you've been through a lot in your life Buck, you’ve built walls up to prevent any more heartbreak…” Steve starts, but Bucky doesn’t need yet another reminder of his tragic backstory.

“Alright Mr I minored in psychology, I get your point. I’m damaged goods and don’t let people get close to me.”

“It’s just a second date, Buck, you aren’t asking for her hand in marriage. Just see where it goes.” Steve makes it sound so easy. Most people wouldn’t get so stressed about something they would consider as minor as a second date, yet Bucky feels like he’s about to expose the most intimate parts of his soul to someone for the first time.

“But I don’t want to hurt her. I know nothing about dating or being in a relationship.” Bucky pauses - the fact that he’s even considering something as substantial as a relationship with you punches him in the gut. He’s never wanted that with someone before. “And I don’t want to get hurt myself.” Because all Bucky has known is relationships breaking down. To him romantic relationships are synonymous with pain and he’s had enough of that for a lifetime.

“You’ll never know if you never try. I know you think letting someone in will lead to heartbreak, but what if it’s the opposite? What if by letting this person into your heart you finally find love and contentment?” Bucky has never allowed himself to imagine a life where that is a possibility - opening himself up to that prospect sounds like a recipe for more suffering. Besides, he’s been damaged goods for a long time, he’s sure there’s no one who would want to put up with him anyway.

“You really are a hopeless romantic.” Bucky comments, trying to avoid the questions Steve is raising, and divert the topic of their conversation.

“I want you to be happy, Buck. You’ve never afforded yourself that courtesy.”

Though his experience screams at him to run in the opposite direction, that this would be a horrible decision leading to further pain, Bucky finds it hard to believe someone as sweet and good-natured as yourself would ever hurt him intentionally. Even if there is only a slim chance that he doesn’t completely fuck this up, given Bucky cannot stop thinking about you, he supposes it’s worth a shot calling you.

“Well, maybe it’s finally time I do.” Bucky mutters under his breath.

* * *

You’ve been checking your phone periodically throughout the day to se if you have any new notifications from Bucky, but each time your phone lights up, a new wave of disappointment floods your chest.

You wonder if the notion of actually calling you, or simply messaging, has even crossed Bucky’s mind once since he left your place about 36 hours ago, or if he already knew it was an empty promise at the time he made it.

“Heard anything yet?” Wanda asks hopefully, but you shake your head in response. The first thing Wanda asked during your next shift together was how your date went with Bucky - between treating patients you described the picnic Bucky set up on the riverbank and (in slightly less detail) the euphoric night you shared when you made it back to your place.

“I’m stupid for actually believing he’s going to call, aren’t I?”

“…No.” Wanda offers after a brief hesitation which tells you more than the single word does. Sensing your regret in asking, she continues on. “Sweetie, only you know the connection you share, I can’t speak to that. If you feel like there’s something special there and he promised to call, then you have every right to believe him.”

Perhaps you’re being foolish, you should know better than to hang your hopes on a man who is notorious for being a fuckboy, but you really thought Bucky was being genuine when he promised to contact you. That the blissful night you shared, and the waves of ecstasy which melded into a flood of pure pleasure, meant more than just a one night stand.

Or at least it did to you.

“Just because he’s never pursued more than a first date with other people in this hospital doesn’t mean he isn’t now, or isn’t with you. Sometimes it just takes the right person, that could be you.” You take some comfort in the sincerity of her tone, but the voice in the back of your mind reminds you of what Wanda alerted you to prior to your date: no one gets a second date with Bucky Barnes.

“You’ve changed from giving me no hope to giving me false hope, Wan.” You joke, trying to brush off the conversation and not reveal just how heartbroken you’ll be if Bucky ghosts you, even with Wanda warning about his ways.

Internally you remind yourself that it’s only been a day and a half and to not be too mad at him, yet. Perhaps he intends to call, but hasn’t gotten around to it, though you’re pretty sure you’re only telling yourself that to stop the perpetual ache in your chest rather than truly believing it.

“He promised he would call, that’s not false hope.” Wanda advises, shooting you a look of encouragement as you both complete paperwork for your respective patients.

At that moment, the doors to the ER swing open and none other than the paramedic you were just speaking about walks in wheeling a patient.

You hate how good he looks, long chestnut hair framing his face and those dazzling blue eyes you’ve dreamed about shine from all the way across the room. He’s unfairly attractive, and he walks into a room like he knows it too.

Him and his partner consult the head nurse of the ER, who, after examining her clipboard for a moment, points towards your direction, making your stomach flip.

Steel blue eyes meet yours and for a moment your entire world stands still. The sounds of the busy ER fade away and even the presence of Wanda beside you dissolves into non-existence when his eyes find you and a smile overtakes his features. That damn cheeky smile which makes your knees weak.

He truly is infuriatingly beautiful.

“Hey.” Is all you can think to say as they approach, a lump in your throat forming which would prevent you from voicing any more words if your brain could think of any other than how strapping and handsome he looks in his uniform.

“Hi.” Bucky responds softly with a dreamy smile, eyes lingering on yours for a long beat before turning away. How could someone who looks at you with such warmth not want to see you again?

You shake the thought from your mind as your focus on the patient, a young man with scared brown eyes. You can’t afford to be distracted right now, even if you desperately want to look back at him and revel in the fondness brimming in his eyes which was so apparent during your date.

After Bucky’s equally tall, broad and handsome paramedic partner gets you up to speed on the patient's history, you get to work on taking his vitals.

“Rogers, Barnes, give us some space to work, please.” Dr Strange requests and without the chance to say another word to each other, both paramedics disappear out the corner of your periphery.

What you don’t notice is Bucky’s soft gaze on you through the glass walls of the patient room as you start your work up, believing that he had simply got back in his ambulance and out into the field.

“That’s her?” Steve asks from beside Bucky. He knows full well it must be you, he’s never seen his best friend look so enamoured with a girl, nor lost for words as when he set eyes on you, but he wants Bucky to admit it aloud.

“Yep, that’s her.” Bucky says with a pride that if Steve didn’t know any better, would suggest that her meant his girl. Bucky answers without taking his eyes off you, the corners of mouth tugging into a smile. His best friend has it bad, and he doesn’t even realise.

Steve suspects if he doesn’t remind Bucky they have a shift to get back to, he’d happily watch you work for the rest of the day.

He allows Bucky a couple more minutes of that luxury before heading back to the ambulance, knowing his best friend well enough to realise before either Bucky or yourself do, just how significant Bucky’s feelings for you are.

* * *

Bucky steps out of the shower, the warm water having rinsed the hard days work off himself.

He knows he needs to call you. Waiting any longer, especially after seeing you today, even if it were only for a brief moment, would surely only indicate disinterest. That’s so far from how he feels about you, so he decides needs to take matters into his own hands and fulfil the promise he made two nights ago.

A fresh swarm of butterflies fills his stomach. He’s actually going to do this.

He just hopes you’re after more than just another hookup. Bucky’s used to being the one only interested in sex, but if the roles are reversed this time, it’ll be his exposed heart being ripped from his chest.

No, he can’t think like that. He’s finally giving himself a chance at happiness.

Bucky reminds himself that you asked him to promise to call after your date. It’s not just him that wants this, you want him to call.

With that thought, he pulls out his phone and quickly presses on your contact, so he doesn’t chicken out, and with a shaky hand holds his phone to his ear. Bucky’s heart beats in his throat as the first ring sounds, and then skips a beat altogether when the click of you answering fills his ears.

“Bucky, you called.” He can hear the smile in your voice through the line, but what makes his heart clench is the trace of surprise he can perceive, as if you truly hadn’t expected him to call.

“I did promise to.” He reminds you, but it doesn’t entirely eliminate the bitter shame bubbling in the pit of his stomach that even though he did in fact promise, you didn’t fully believe him.

“I’m happy you did. I had a really great time the other night.”

“So did I.” Those three simple words don’t sum up just how much Bucky wholeheartedly enjoyed every second he spent with you, regardless of if that were naked in your bed or getting to know you on a picnic blanket as the sun set across the horizon, but in his anxious state he can’t find words more poetic to express it. “And I’d love to do it again if you’re up for it.”

“Hmm, I’m gonna have to think about it.” He can tell by the light tone of your voice you’re joking, but he supposes he deserves waiting for an answer considering he made you wait for his call. “Of course I’d love to go on a second date with you James.”

The combination of your words and the fact that you punctuated the sentence with his true first name sends Bucky straight to heaven. Everything about you makes him completely weak in a way he has never experienced before. All of those walls Steve seems to think Bucky has built around himself don’t appear to exist with you, instead, you’ve come into his life as easily as walking through a front door with a welcome mat out front.

“I guess I’m going to have to outdo a picnic at sunset then.” He chuckles to himself, knowing that he’s never had this problem before, but realising it’s a good problem to have.

You continue to talk well into the night, forgetting what time it is, and that you both have early shifts in the morning. None of that matters when you’re so caught up in each other.

Bucky simply enjoys the sound of your voice, and how it soothes the remaining anxiety which was swirling in his chest before calling you. He certainly isn’t hanging up first, not when talking with you has been the best part of his day.

He’s chasing happiness. And he might just find it with you.

Part 4 > >

Be added to the series taglist here

He’s Hazardous To My Health [Paramedic!Bucky Barnes] Taglist: @lavenderpenumbra @crazyunsexycool @eralen @buckbuckyoongs @blackwidownat2814 @roschele @crayongirl-linz @ozwriterchick @desert-fern @misshale21 @chalesleclerc164 @rookthorne @janineb86 @emmabarnes @scarletbich @fallenlilangel99 @princezzjasmine @mdrovert @thebuckybarnesvault @doasyoudesireandlive @solitarioslilium @iamfandomwasted @tanyaspartak @netflixxgoddess @pop-rocks-818 @dumdidditydumdoo @missvelvetsstuff @marvelhoeland @thesadcatto-queen @kayden666 @amiimar @razor-blayde @katheryn1 @safew0rd @kentokaze @thewackywriter @lady-loki-barnes-djarin @badasswlthafatass @Vickie5446 @loveoldmenlikelana @00cmh @pointless-girl @honeyglee @nerdxacid @moonymagician @ashhsage @prettylittlepluviophile @otomefromtheheart @sjsmith56 @mandijo17 @lokidokieokie @oceansandblackhearts @rebeccapineapple @soorwellystan @excusememrbarnes @lofaewrites @snapcapquartet @wishingwell-2 @unaxv @aya-fay

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Caught

As promised! The next drabble in the series :D (or the next one made in between the series? You guys get it. also thanks @spotaus for the original post which gave me the idea/inspiration to start this whole thing)

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

Okay the links should all work now and go to the right places.

Usual warning, unedited and unbeta'ed. We are just here to enjoy our time :D

----------

Cross groans as he leans against a wall and resists the urge to bonk his own skull against it "How can we not have foudn him!?" It has been three weeks of them searching at this point! Which means that Nightmare had been out and about for a month now!

Killer leans against the wall next to him "Chin up Cross. We don't want to make a scene and make people realise something is up."

Cross sighs but pulls away from the wall and pulls himself together. Killer is right, a sentence Cross does not use often, and they need to keep a low profile if they want to find Nightmare wihtout anyone realising it.

Dust joins their side and shakes his skull. Okay. Good news and bad news in one go. Good news, no one seems to have heard or seen anything about Nightmare. Bad news, no one has heard or seen anything about him!

Cross sighs and looks at Dust "Horror?"

Dust shrugs. he must see the unimpressed look on Cross face as Dust seems to think a moment longer "Horror is making a second round. No traces of him foudn just yet. but he wants to be sure."

Cross nods. Horror is by far the best tracker out of the four of them and if Horror can't find anything none of them will.

Killer nods as he pulls out his phone "Okay. this universe was also a burst. We don't need anything right?"

Cross shakes his skull "We got our supplies." which is nice about staying on the move, you can travel very light.

Killer nods as he considers the list he made "Okay. We are still searching for that universe. but we are near a split again. We can either go for the sciency universes or the more magical ones. I think the magical ones will lead to our end goal quicker..."

Cross thinks it over. It would be nice if they get to Dreamtale quickly to make sure Nightmare isn't there. It had been a goal until now and the only reason they had been making small jumps and going from universe to universe is because they wanted to be sure Nightmare wasn't in one of those or anyone heard of what happened.

It had been Horror who had offered that they should check everything. After his own accident and his own magic being difficult he had lost some of his more natural abilities. If Nightmare lost his own magical powers he may also lose his ability to travel through the mulitverse. meaning he could get stranded somewhere.

So they were making tiny jumps to neighbouring universes for now. and checking each one that they stopped it. The job they had with Nightmare is actually very helpful for this and trained them as at this point they are able to search about three universes a day.

They know how each universe is suposed to feel and are able to spot key differences or elements that don't belong thanks to all the exposure they have had. Meaning they should in theory be able to spot Nightmare as soon as they see him. or the traces of him.

Cross is still worried. They all already agreed Nightmare would most likely go back to the way he was before. the tiny skeleton from the storybook. But the image of the babybones with his skull smashed open keeps haunting cross. What if that wound returns as well? Would that mean that Ngihtmare is just somewhere heavily injuried with no help? could that have meant that nightmare just... died?

When Cross first asked Killer about it he had just huffed. said that boss is tougher than they can even imagine. and that if he had already died that Killer doubts the castle or the universe it had been in would have still been as stable as it had been when they visited.

Which, Cross knows Killer is right. Cross had seen what happens to a universe that grows too instable and gets destroyed. He had lived in it.

Still. the worry remains and-

"Nothing." Horror joins them again "where too next?"

Killer looks over at Horror "We are at another branch. Science or magic."

Horror frowns as Dust finally speaks again "Both can be promising or worrying. Both have ways of knowing about the multiverse and them..."

Horror nods "Meaning, which way do we think Nightmare would pick if he had to make small jumps. and which could he get stuck in if a large jump misfired?"

Killer frowns as he looks back at his phone and the copy of the general multiverse map he made. Cross looks over his shoulder and frowns with him. Cross can see what makes Killer hesitant to pick either. both paths look promising.

Dust tilts his skull "Which universes are in both paths? And which is saver for a babybones."

Cross turns to Dust and knows so are Killer and Horror.

Dust rolls his eye lights "We know who he is. He knows that. The multiverse at large? Does not. their story isnt known. either way. If nightmare remembers everything and he is going where we think he is going. He will pick the path off least resistence as he knows he is..." a glance around before softer "fragile. if he does not remember. He will take the path of least resistence because trauma and past injuries. So. Which is safer for a babybones?"

Killer blinks before looking back at his list and removing universes. Most Fell universes go straight out. so fo the Mafia stuff. Blaster AUs are next to go. any Genocide endings are out as well and Killer reconsiders the map.

Killer frowns "There is no clear path anymore. a lot of zigzagging. But! I think i see a path which could be seen as safe." he snorts and wiggles his eyebrows, how he does it Cross never figured out, "We can go by a Lustverse."

Dust looks wholly unimpressed and Horror looks disapproving "Focus. Adn are you sure?"

Killer snorts but nods "Yeah. Lustverse is originally build on having a children wish and that not working correctly or something. I don't remember they details but if they see a child they will 100% protect him." he nods and looks at Cross "Knife ready?"

Cross nods as he pulls out his knife "Where to?"

Killer joins his side "We are going to a pacifist upper tale thing. just aim east and slice and it should connect." Cross does as told and the portal fuzzes for a bit before a clear rift opens. On the other side green grass and sunshine.

Cross waits until the other three entered before looking around them quickly. No one near. good. and he goes in.

-----

Nightmare is not a fan of this.

The market is too open and there are too many people.

Good side about it is though... a lot of them will give you free samples and food if you are a kid.

Nightmare walks around another stand and stops by one with all kinds of fruit. it is a lot harder to look over the edge and see all of it but he makes it work. He still hasn't eaten today and really should.

He can't quite remember how much food he needs and when. For now he just gets food whenever he gets really hungry. Just a tiny snack to keep him going. He had been having meals every day or other day. that is good right?

Sure he feels hungry a lot but that is probably normal. If he ate each time he got hungry he would be eating throughout the day and that just seems like a lot.

Nightmare considers the food and how much gold he still has. He had been lucky so far and hadn't been moving to a new universe yet. He had eben here for three days now instead of his normal two.

"Oh hello again friend!"

Nightmare flinches and has to stop himself from ducking away. He looks up and sees the man behind the stall smiling. "... hello..."

The man grins "Good to see you back again little friend. we had been worried when no one spotted you. Would you like to help me test some of the fruits? I can only sell the best stuff of course!"

Nightmare... knows he is just trying to ease him into accepting it. even though he knows it... it works. his soul swells a bit at the idea of helping and being seen as helpful. Nightmare isn't sure why. Ever since he finished shrinking it has become hard to understand himself.

He looks to the side but nods "okay..."

the man nods and considers the fruit "well. I personally think the grapes may be a bit off." he grabs a cluster of grapes and holds it out.

Nightmare holds his own hands under it and the man releases the grapes, never touching him. which is probably because Nightmare can't stop flinching and backing away when people raise their hands or voices.

Nightmare picks one off and eats it. it tastes so good! Sweet and refreshing. nightmare takes his time to eat the tiny treat before looking back at him "It is good." he holds the grapes back out to give back.

The man nods as he taps his chin "that is good to hear. you mind finishing those all and come back if any of them tasted off? We need a good sample size of the tastetesting." he says it as he calmly places a box full of grape clusters ready for sale.

Ngihtmare immediantly pulls the grape close again and nods "Sure..." he doesn't promise it. He isn't an idiot to make promises to strangers. but this man has never been difficult about him having to pay much more than a taste test. Nightmare figures it is something else pity he just pities him but Nightmare just.. can't focus as easily on those things anymore. it is harder too focus on certain stuff and if he tries to force himself to focus or think certain ways it just causes his skull to ache.

So he tries to stay in the now and reacts and thinks only to what happens or are direct threats.

He walks through the market as he eats his grapes. one by one. enjoying each one.

Nightmare is very disappointed when the cluster is all gone and takes a moment to find a trashcan to throw it away. some woman coo and mutter about such a good mannered child and Nightmare feels himself blush and feels the need to hide. it isn't that big of a deal! H just threw soemthing away! be good for nature and stuff and don't throw it just on the ground!

Nightmare quickly leaves the area and starts to make his way back to where he left his stuff. He needs to relax. maybe he can read his book for a moment and nap.

He walks between people and makes sure to not touch anyone. letting his eye lights look around the crowd.

Then he freezes.

Was that white?

probably not right?

Nightmare still strains his eye lights to search the area he saw it. Then he spots him.

And Nightmare cna see that Cross spotted him at exactly the same time.

Neither of them look away from each other for a moment. Nightmare feels his soul pick up the pace as the need to run rises by the second. It is fine. It is fine! Cross... cross probably doesn't even realise he was here! It is just a coincidence.

Cross turns his skull a tiny bit but his eye lights don't break eye contact. Cross is saying something to someone and Nightmare breaks the eye contact to glace.

That is Killer.

Ngihtmare doesn't think as he turns and runs right into the crowd.

"Wait!"

Yup! That is Cross! Nightmar keeps running.

He goes between people and dives under stalls as he uses the crowd for cover. he makes a turn and glances back only to see Cross a lot closer.

Shit.

He makes another sharp turn and spots an possible escape. He rushes into an alleyway and dives behind a dumpster and stays very quiet.

it only takes a few seconds before he hears running steps. he sees a flash of white between the opening of the dumpster and the wall.

the footsteps don't pause and Cross keeps running.

It takes a while but eventually it goes quiet again.

Nightmare waits for a while longer before wiggling his way out of the enclosed space. he checks the area as he jumps out and goes back into the market. He pulls the hood of the hoody back on and puts his hands into his pockets.

He can't hide the skeleton feet as he isn't wearing socks or shoes but this will have to do for now.

He is such an idiot! He should have kept moving instead of staying in the same universe for so long! Nightmare nods to himself. He will go to his little hidey place. grab his things. and make a jump.

He cuts through the market and finds the building with the empty storage he had taken over. he climbs in through the window and huffs as he lands hard in his little hidey place.

Nightmare leans against the wall and lets out a breath in relieve. okay. he is fine. he is fine. he is-

"Ah!" he gets picked up and is suddenly held back against a much larger form.

"Finally. we have been looking everywhere."

Nightmare freezes because that is Dust. Then he starts to struggle and fight more to be let go.

---------

Dust runs over the roof tops as he easily keeps up with the small form in the market. Cross on the ground not far behind.

To say they are relieved would be an understatement. They had actually found boss.

How is he so tiny? Are all six year olds that tiny? Or is he just that tiny because of... well everything?

Dust isn't sure.

When Cross had frozen they had all turned to him to see what had been wrong. He had motioned that he had found Nightmare. Only for Nightmare to start running.

Which, rude. What the hell Nightmare?

Killer had been quick to step up to the job or right hand and gave them orders. Cross would follow on foot. Dust would go over the rooftops to make sure we didn't lose him. Killer nad Horror would go around the market and go to the other end to corner him if necessary.

Dust watches Nightmare dive into an alleyway and hide. Cross follows the path but once he can't spot Nightmare he keeps running right back out. only a moment later Nightmare comes out of hiding and goes back the way he came.

Dust follows him from the rooftops. making sure to stay quiet as he does so. He does take a moment to take his phone out and text the others that he still has eyes on Nightmare and is following him.

This does imply that Nightmare doesn't remember him. Why else would he freak out at the sight of Cross? Cross of all skeletons?

But if Nightmare doesn't have his memories and only remembers Dream as fellow skeleton... maybe that could explain why he freaked out?

Or it is because all of you betrayed him and he knows you can't be trusted the voice of papyrus is not welcome at the moment.

Dust glares as he keeps following Nightmare "shut up. you don't know shit."

he laughs oh? Cursing already? You will infect your terrible manners unto the tiny babybones. unless of course you just do what you should and kill him.

Dust slowly moves to the next roof "I already told you. I am not killing him."

A huff Then what will you do?! He is useless like this! Offers nothing!

Dust hisses his own answer back "He is a child. He doesn't have to offer anything."

a laugh so now he is a child? While before he was just your weakened boss? Which is is sans?

Dust ignores the ghost as he watches Nightmare disappear into a building. Dust is quick to silently follow him. Nightmare pants as he leans against the wall under the window that Dust is perched on. Dust scans the room before anything else. It is empty and looks old. in the corner he spots a backpack that looks a lot like one of Cross's anime backpacks. it lays on a thin blanket of some kind. otherwise the room is filled with boxes and other junk.

Nightmare looks calm and Dust acts quickly as he scoops Nightmare up as he lands inside the room.

Dust lets out a breath as tension leaves his body "Finally. we have been looking everywhere." They found him. they did it.

Nightmare is frozen for a moment before he starts to wiggle and struggle "let me go!"

Oh fuck that voice is so much higher than before. also shit Ngihtmare is slippery!

Dust groans as he tries to tighten his hold on the small skeleton but he is unsure how to do this without hurting the other. he is so much tinier than he thought he would be. Not to forget most likely much much more fragile. How does he hold Nightmare like this?!

Dust tries to change his handhold but alost drops Ngihtmare "Calm down Nightmare. it is just me." maybe he just didn't recognise him? please remember him.

more laughter What now you are scared he forgot you? Like he ever mattered to you! Hah!

Dust wants to snap at the voice but stops himself. If nightmare really doesn't know who they are than talking out loud to something no one else hears is not the right way to introduce himself.

Nightmare does not stop struggling and Dust keeps having to change his hold on the other.

In the end Dust decides to just sit down under the window and roll up around the tiny babybones- Nightmare. around nightmare. He ahs to remind himself it is Nightmare.

But... nightmare is a babybones now. or was always a babybones.

... mental and moral problem for later with how he will deal with that.

At least Nightmare stopped struggling. instead jjust panting harshly in his hold. No doubt tired from first trying to escape them and then struggling to be freed.

Dust just hugs the other tighter. do not relax his hold and give the other a chance to escape.

He is so tiny! so much lighter than Dust expected him to be. Also thinner as most of his form seems to be just the hoody. Wait that is his old hoody.

Dust isn't sure how to react to this. How to react to the feeling of having this tiny babybones against and with him.

Well good job. you have captured a babybones. are you going to kill him like you killed me? remembering how i was as babyboned never stopped you from killing me after all.

Dust feels his hold tighten on Nightmare. No. he is not going to hurt nightmare. Dust can be a good... a good.. henchman. and henchman help their boss. even if their boss is now tiny and easy to hold and so so thin and feels warm against them and Dust can feel the tiny fragile soul slowly calm down as they are close enough that Dust can feel it pulse and beat in the other.

Dust sighs as he struggles to find words "That is better." he makes sure one of his arms has a tight hold on Ngihtmare before he grabs his phone. He opens the group chat and types a message 'I got him. Just have to get back to you guys. See you outside of town, south side.' and he sends it. only a moment before he gets celebratory emojis back for the news.

Dust puts the phone away and stands "Time to go." he turns to the window.

Nightmare immediantly starts to struggle "no! My stuff!"

Dust frowns down before looking back. It shouldn't matter. They can just grab stuff he wants from other universes and they did that before... then again. If anyone understands how you can unreasonably attached to objects it is Dust, he still has Papyrus' scarf after all.

Dust nods and walks over to the corner of things. He holds one arm around Nightmare, holding him against his shoulder and partly over it. as he packes the stuff laying around with his other hand.

Thin blanket, backpack just holds a book, a lighter, a pocketknife and some gold. Not a lot but if this is all NIghtmare had to make his way through the multiverse for the last month it is all the more impressive.

Dust can't help but ask "Why not take more things?" he finishes packing and puts the backpack on Ngihtmare's back before taking a tight hold on him again as he easily lifts him.

Nightmare grumbles but mutters and answer "Too heavy... travel light and find what you need."

Dust freezes. He hadn't expected an answer. but if... if Ngihtmare answered then... "Ready... to meet up with the others?"

Ngihtmare freezes and wiggles for a moment before going lax with a sigh "you four met back up?"

Dust feels his soul relax. He remembers them. He rememebrs them! Oh this makes everything so much better!

Dust grins as he checks outside the window "Of course." of course they would emet back up to find him. obviously. Now. To get to the tohers and get the hell out of here.

They are going to have to figure out how to manage this child after all.

----

They had aqcuired the child! now they just need to figure out how to be parents lmao. I am sure they will be fine :) They only lightly traumatized Nightmare here by stalking him, hunting him, intruding on his safe space, and forcefully moving him :D

They are fine you all :D

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This one was fun to write! so mcuh fun! i love getting them all to interact and do things :D

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, Replay Jay & Kim 5x20

You can find the rest of the series here

I have been waiting (impatiently) to be able to do this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Would love your feedback on this chapter- (if you have to pick a chapter to leave a comment on- please let this be one of them.)

Hey, if anyone wants to help me out. I spend so much time looking for good GIFs for the beginning of the chapters. So, shoot me any if you find good ones. 

Jay holds the door open as Zoey quietly walks outside the police station. Her blue eyes are on the floor, her posture slumped and dejected as she trails after him towards the parking lot. Jay is walking with purpose to where he had parked his truck. He had still been on shift looking for a teenage girl who may have been kidnapped when he got the call. The woman on the other line called about his niece who had been picked up for trespassing and truancy.

But Jay didn’t have a niece.

He had started to tell them at the other station that there must be a mix-up- until she recited his badge number 51163. That was when he started listening. It hadn’t taken him long to figure out who his “niece” was. Jay had slipped Zoey one of his business cards at one of the first movie nights he had spent with her and Kim. A backup, he had told her, just in case she ever got into trouble and couldn’t reach Kim. He was just a phone call away. He knew that Zoey had been struggling and wanted her to know she had an extra layer of support.

She had eyed the card uncertainly when he had given it to her. It was before their friendship had really cemented. She had taken it and put it in her backpack, but hadn’t entered the number into her cellphone. Jay could sense her lack of faith and didn’t blame her. Her strong support system had been leveled by her parents' divorce, her mother’s rape, and her father’s instability in her life. It was a lot to go through at thirteen when she should have been worried about school dances and middle school crushes.

Zoey felt awful, emotions churning painfully in her stomach and pushing up into her chest restricting her air. She felt like she was heading to face a firing squad. When she had been arrested it had freaked her out, she had never been in trouble. While the others had tried to leave, she had frozen in place when the cops started shouting orders. In the end, it hadn’t mattered, even those who had tried to flee had been caught.

When she'd sat down at the station and asked for her parents' phone numbers she hadn’t answered right away. She knew her dad was away on a “business trip” with his new girlfriend and her mom wasn’t even leaving the house for groceries she doubted she would be able to handle it to leave to come pick her up from the precinct. The desk sergeant had been irritable, thinking she was just being difficult. She knew that if she gave her aunt Kim’s number, she would drop everything and come pick her up. She told herself that she didn’t because she knew her aunt was already stressed with trying to help her mother come to terms with her trauma. But it didn’t make the fact that she was embarrassed and didn’t want her to know any less true.

It had been impulsive to give Jay’s number. She had told the woman that he was her uncle knowing that she couldn’t be released to anyone but family because she was a minor. The woman had looked skeptical, so she had rattled off his badge number too. Zoey had felt like it had been a pretty solid decision until he walked in the door. He didn’t look like Jay who came over and watched movies and made specialty popcorn. The guy who curled up with her aunt and made sassy commentary about what they watched with a smirk on his lips.

No, it was Detective Halstead. He was dressed in street clothes but with a badge hanging around his neck and a gun strapped to his hip. His face was stoic, but his jaw was clenched, his eyebrows furrowed, a hint of tension in his posture. Zoey had gotten used to reading body language in the last year when her parents had started fighting, it was easier to know what was in store for her that day. It had only gotten more finely tuned this year.

Jay's sharp eyes had roved over her analyzing her as he walked in. She had shifted in her seat eyes barely looking up from her sneakers. He hadn’t said anything to her as he had disappeared into another room with the desk sergeant. The minutes he was gone felt like hours, anxiety making her heart race. When they had come back, the two had split off with Jay heading towards her. He had gestured for her to pick up her bag nodding towards the door. He opened the front door for her to leave as they headed across the parking lot in silence.

Zoey stopped a few feet from his truck. “I’m sorry,” Her voice was quiet but clear, “I know you must be really angry…But thank you-for coming to get me.” Jay paused, keys in hand, and turned back to look at her.

“Zoey, I’m not angry-I'm worried.” Zoey dared a glance up at him because it wasn’t the reaction she was expecting. “What were you thinking? Ditching school to trespassing at a building that’s under construction with a bunch of older kids who are drinking? Do you know how dangerous that is?”

“I do know how dangerous it is!” Zoey shot back, “And I wasn’t drinking,” Jay’s face softens, his head cocking to the side as he watches tears shine in her eyes. Her thoughts of her mom were written all over her face. “After everything-I'm not that stupid!”

“Zoey,” Jay watched her body roll with the different emotions boiling up, guilt to anger to frustration and back again. He takes a step towards her and she takes one back.

“I didn’t even know there was going to be alcohol there. I knew it was wrong to skip school, but I was invited to go somewhere for the first time since I’ve been back in Chicago. I didn’t want to break into that building or drink. I just wanted to be around people, make friends, and be accepted. Not be trapped in my house. I just wanted to feel normal.” Hot tears finally broke free sliding down her cheeks. Zoey wiped at them in frustration. “But I’m sorry. I know I messed up. I know I made you leave work and look bad. I promise I won’t call you again.”

“Whoa, whoa, hold on.” Jay's voice rose, “I never said that.” He heard the sharpness of his tone and took a breath to calm himself. “First off, of course, I want you to call me if you are in trouble. I meant it when I gave you my number Zoey, I’m here for you. And I don’t know who made you feel like you couldn’t make mistakes-ask for help, your dad maybe?” He tried to control the emotion on his face as Zoey looked away and he knew he had hit the mark and it made him itch to talk to Jordan more than ever. “But I remember being thirteen and doing some stupid things to fit in. And I didn’t have half the stuff going on that you do right now.”

Zoey bit her bottom lip, shifting awkwardly, more tears falling. Jay closed the distance between them, hand going to the back of her head urging her forward. Zoey fell into his embrace wrapping her arms around his waist as he tucked her under his chin. “I’m here for you kid. But I’d rather not have to spend time with you by picking you up from the station. I’m more of a milkshake and fries kind of guy.” He teases, kissing the top of her head.

“Are you going to tell Aunt Kim?” Jay eased her back wiping the leftover tears off her cheeks. Zoey could already see the answer in his sympathetic blue eyes.

“You know I have to, right?” Zoey looks up trying to twist away from him. “This isn’t something I can keep from her.” Zoey let out a shaky breath before shaking her head and then nodding.

“I know,” She agreed, “But I want to tell her. Will you just… be there while I do?”

Jay lingers on the outskirts of the conversation, and when the tears start up again and Kim pulls Zoey into a tight embrace, he steps away letting them have privacy. He goes to the kitchen and absently starts busying himself with cleaning Kim’s kitchen. He just needs something to do because he can’t fix this. He declutters the countertops before wiping them down, does the dishes, and is in the middle of sweeping the floor when Kim walks in.

Kim walks into the kitchen and stops abruptly when she sees Jay cleaning. He glances up feeling her enter. Her face was unreadable, “Everything okay, sweetheart?” He dumps the dirt into the trash.

“Yeah, I mean as okay as it can be right now. Zoey is still a mess but she agreed to go back to counseling.” Zoey had done a few appointments when she first got back to Chicago but it hadn’t stuck.

“That’s good, I told her it helped me sort out my head when I was struggling.” Jay clipped the dustpan back to the broom and set it back in the closet. “She said that didn’t think it helped last time, but I told her you get out of it what you put in. I’m glad she decided to give it another go.” Kim pressed her lips together watching him. The whirlwind that she had brought him into.

“Thank you for picking Zoey up.” Jay gave her a supportive smile. Kim looked wrung out and frazzled. “Is there anything I need to follow up with at the station? Are there any statements that need to be made or fines or-”

“No, I smoothed out all of it with Sargent Hicks.” Jay soothed, “Zoey’s breathalyzer test came back clean so it didn’t take much to convince him to let her go. I told him she was a good kid just was having a rough time and that if he let her off, he would never see her come through his doors again.” Kim let out a relieved breath tension releasing from her body. Jay’s grin turned sheepish, “Well that and I promised him Salmon.” At Kim’s confused look, he explained, “Hick’s is a fisher but hasn’t been able to go himself the last few years. I’ll be bringing him fish back from the cabin for the foreseeable future. It’s worth it though, he promised me they would leave Zoey’s name out of all the paperwork.”

“Jay, I don’t know what to say. How to thank you.” Kim is floored by his simple response.

“You just did.” Kim could see it in his eyes, that was it. He didn’t need anything else. He wasn’t expecting anything from her. No conditions or strings attached. It was the moment Kim realized she had more than just friendly feelings or lust for Jay Halstead. They were strong and deep and she had no idea what to do with them. He cocked his head to the side in question and she registered that she had just been staring into his soft blue eyes.

For a second, she thought those perceptive eyes had seen right through her. “C’here,” He reached to cup her cheek and pulled her in for a tender lingering kiss to her lips. When their eyes met again his were playful, “Yeah,” he nodded to himself definitively, “That’s more than enough.”

[hiraya-rawr]

Loyalties 03

( Diluc x Fatui Reader ) Mini Series

synopsis !! trapped to be interrogated for distributing delusions, you find yourself torn between loyalty to the Fatui and love for Diluc.

note !! this was a rather difficult chapter to write during my personal break maybe because I couldn't find myself properly setting the mood; anywaay here we go!

contains !! gn reader, implied torture, dark themes, hurt/comfort, alcohol consumption, manipulation

ch.01 || ch.02 || ch.03 || ch.04

— Favonius Cathedral, City of Mondstadt

"Normally, I wouldn't question your methods, but this was quite the save, wasn't it, sir Kaeya?"

Sweet and light sounding, Lisa greets the Cavalry Captain the minute he stepped out of the looming Cathedral doors, with one manicured hand stretched out to him. "I was just about ready to doubt you when the seizures started. Just how did you find out that the children would be fine?"

Kaeya smiles back, offering his arm out for her to hold as they walk down the Cathedral steps.

Of course he's caught her attention. The prodigy and most distinguished graduate of Sumeru Academia was unable to find a cure; yet, a mere Cavalry Captain ordered a risky 'hypothesis' that not only saved lives, but also opened new doors to investigating Delusions and their side effects

He could answer the question but that would warrant too much of an explanation— with information he had no right to divulge (as of now, he promises, because Kaeya Alberich does not hold back on betrayal).

"I'm surprised to see you out and about, Miss Lisa. Do you have business in the Cathedral?"

He's deflecting the question. Lisa is completely aware of it, yet she continues to smile. Alright then, there are more important matters for now, she thinks.

"As a matter of fact, I was searching for my sweet, little Razor. I thought he would be here with that boy. . . Bennett, was it?"

"Perhaps you're better off visiting the Adventures' Guild for them." Kaeya suggests.

"I thought so as well, but I've heard of Bennett's um– apparent propensity for misfortune. I was worried that," Her voice softens, "With the Fatui offering out Delusions to children, the two might have stumbled into some trouble."

Kaeya nods as Lisa releases her hold on his arm. The librarian had only been worried. "I see. . . Unfortunately, I haven't a clue as to where Bennett or Razor could be. Outrider Amber might know."

"I suppose I'll check with her. . . Are you heading to the Headquarters as well, sir Kaeya?"

He shakes his head, "No, I'm off duty as of now so I figured I'll have a drink or two in Angel's Share."

That's an excuse. He needs to check if the Darknight Hero successfully ended the delusion trade (definitely not to check on his brother's mental state, right?).

Lisa lights up, "Ah! If you meet (Name) there, would you mind asking them about Razor as well? We often have tea together, they might have an idea where he is– or perhaps they've been with Razor all along. That boy does so admire them."

Had it not been for Kaeya's proficiency in keeping a mask, he would have flinched at the mention of your name. It hasn't even been two days since you were taken, and news in Mondstadt spreads slow. He wonders what Lisa -or Razor- would think if they knew what he did. That you're strapped to a chair in a private yet isolated Ragnvindr property. Would they be horrified? For you or against you? What would they think of him?

Not that it matters. Kaeya Alberich cares little for those who hurt his family.

Heh, he truly is no better than the Fatui.

"I'll inform you if I find the kids. Don't worry so much— for all we know, the Darknight Hero might've handled it already." Kaeya grins, waving Lisa away as he heads downtown.

— Angel's Share, City of Mondstadt

The tavern was as lively as always; perhaps a little too lively tonight with almost twice as many patrons crowding the first floor. Kaeya was quick to find out why from a stray knight.

"Master Diluc has blocked the entire second floor. As for why he did it. . . Who knows? Perhaps he's expecting some important guests. He didn't say."

Ignoring the "Do Not Enter" sign hanging from a chain on the staircase, Kaeya leaps over it with ease and climbs the stairs. He isn't sure what to expect; did Diluc perhaps invited suspects of the Delusion trade? Did a high-ranking Fatui offer a deal or a contract that needed further discussion? Whatever it is, Kaeya will be sure to assist his big brother the vigilante no matter what the situation.

What he didn't expect was to see Diluc collapsed on a corner table, a glass of wine in hand and several bottles surrounding him. Kaeya's jaw laxes at the sight.

What. The. F*ck.

Upon closer inspection, Kaeya notices the littered bottles were full. Every single one save for the opened fire whiskey on the table.

"Snezhnayan alcohol? Really? And here I thought you'd despise anything from that place." He sighs, settling himself across from the man whose face was buried between his arms on the table. "So you barred everyone from half the tavern space just so you could get wasted in peace?"

Kaeya's tone is light, if not teasing, but there's an undertone of distaste at the wine tycoon's actions.

How could Diluc allow someone to affect him this much? You'd think the redhead would've learned his lesson about betrayal before you came along.

"Are you even conscious?" Kaeya reaches out to poke Diluc's scalp, earning a groan. The cryo user rubs a hand over his face, honestly, this was so unnecessary.

"Here I was worrying about how the delusion trade. To think you went ahead and started drinking. Didn't you think I would like that as well? If not more than you?" He rambles, eyeing the fluff of red hair on the table. There's a muffled sound escaping it.

". . -urts. . . "

"Pardon?"

Diluc finally looks up from his folded arms, red eyes on Kaeya's own. It's redder than usual, outlining his eyes. Had he been crying?

The expression on his older brother's face. . . it's heartbreaking.

"I didn't think it would hurt this much, Kae," Diluc whimpers.

It's a sound that seems so soft and vulnerable, like he was nine years old again, crying good bye to a hollowed turtle shell as Kaeya held the lampgrass flowers. It only made the cavalry captain churn in contempt. How could you do this to Diluc?

Kaeya selfishly wonders if he's a little lower on Diluc's hate list now.

He also wonders if he went too easy on you.

Kaeya, unable to confront Diluc's hurt, decides to change the subject. ". . . Lisa is looking for (Name). It's only a matter of time before she gets suspicious. I suggest we make a report to Jean before word gets out of their disappearance."

"Like. . . admit it?" Diluc looks on desperately. Kaeya doesn't recognize the emotion.

"Admit what?"

"That they're Fatui? Admit that to Jean?"

Kaeya raises an eyebrow, "Yes?" his visible eye then narrows, "Don't tell me you plan to keep this under wraps? You're— you're protecting them?"

Diluc clenches his jaw.

"No."

Then,

"It's not that. It's not the time—" Diluc sighs, sitting straight before alcohol sways him, his stance losing balance while sitting. "Don't report to Jean."

"Diluc." Kaeya tsked.

"Kae."

". . . Fine. Not yet." Kaeya stands up, swiping a full bottle from the table to settle under his arm. "But eventually. And if you won't do it, I will." He turns to leave before a voice calls out to him again.

Kaeya faces Diluc, whose eyes are anywhere but on him.

"You said. . . you think I'd despise everything from Snezh." Diluc starts slowly, "I don't." He says, then in a quieter voice, "I can't. Can't despise everything from that place."

Kaeya frowns before turning on his heel, leaving the redhead alone.

•

The rim of a glass bottle settles on your lips and you mouth it willingly. Instead of alcohol like you'd expect, it's water. Almost warm to drink.

You blink. Eyes trailing up the gloved hand to see a redhead looking down on you. Diluc's expressionless face looks back but doesn't make eye contact.

"I'm. . ." You mumble, everything about this feels strange. It feels like warmth, it feels comforting, "I'm still in the basement, aren't I? Still strapped to that chair?"

Diluc nods.

Thunder roars outside. Whether you're too worn out to or too out of it to acknowledge the fear, you don't flinch at the sound.

"Kaeya is drafting a report on you. You'll be branded as a spy to Mond publicly. You wouldn't be allowed back again." He says nonchalantly. You remain silent.

You'll be a Persona Non Grata to Mondstadt. Unwelcomed in the Nation of Freedom.

A bowl of onion soup is pushed in front of you. You realize he's trying to feed you.

"You'll need to eat. It'll be a while before Jean gets the report. While waiting, we still have questions for you." He sounds impassive, almost cold. You allow yourself to nod as a spoonful is raised towards you.

Another rumble of thunder shakes the room. It must be a basement, judging by the way the walls shake.

Diluc places the bowl aside and walks away. He climbs the stairs and he shuts the door close. You realize he left it open when he entered.

He returns to yoyr side and thunder rumbles again, much quieter this time by the closed door.

Does he remember? Does he care? You don't dare ask.

In the quiet of the room and his spoonfuls of soup, he mutters;

"What is your mission?"

Before quickly replacing the interrogative question.

"Why me?"

Yes, why him? Infiltrate Mond and be the backbone of the Delusion trade was the mission. You played the role of an insider, bonding with merchants and understanding the innermost trade routes of the nation. It just so happens that alcohol circulated the most, making it easier to understand the market flow.

It didn't need to be him, yet you found yourself needing him.

"It didn't have to be you." You mutter in truth.

"But it was me. Why?" He asks again, sitting straighter now, "(Name), I want to try and understand—" why did you love?

You don't understand the question. To you, it was simple. You had a job to do and you met someone great while doing it. Betrayal was secondary to things like the Tsaritsa's will or love. Surely, Diluc would understand?

But Diluc came from the land of freedom. He doesn't bend to the will of Barbatos who racks up a tab in his own tavern. He doesn't take well to betrayal, not after what the knights did (what Kaeya did, what the Ordo did).

Diluc does not understand that.

When you don't reply, he settles for another question. Because he's learnt that questions are better than drawing your blade first (he should have done the same for his little brother. He knows better now.)

"Was anything true?"

Did you love him? was the question on his tongue but too afraid to say.

You bite your lip.

"If there's anything. . . anything you have to believe about me," You say slowly, carefully, "It's my feelings for you."

His eyes meet yours as you continue.

"But there are forces much bigger than us in this world, Diluc."

A flash of hurt crosses his face before it settles into something unreadable. The rest of the soup is eaten quietly.

•

"I really don't think we should be here."

"Shhh. Smells. Blood."

You stir, hearing footsteps on creaky wood and two boyish voices. One whiny, the other alert.

"That's even more of a reason! W-what if there's. . . ghosts?"

"Razor will protect friend Bennett."

"Why don't we just leave?"

"Shhh!"

They're closer now, the first step on the staircase. You snap awake, looking around the room to see Diluc and Kaeya gone. How long were you passed out?

"Person. Blood." Razor's voice points out from the stairs and you know he sees you. Bennett all but shrieks—

"G-ghost! Let's get out of here, Raz—"

"(Name)?" Razor tilts his head, recognizing your smell.

"What?" Bennett blinks.

"(Name)!" The wolf boy rushes down the stairs and you hold your breath. They don't know, do they? Did Kaeya pass the report to Jean? Has it been announced yet?

Judging by their frantic concern, you suppose not.

"B-bennett? Razor?" You exhale, glad to have had something to eat prior otherwise you wouldn't have had the strength to talk.

"Mx. (Name)!" Bennett rushes up to you, hands going over the restraints on your limbs. He doesn't hesitate to figure out how to remove them. Razor whimpers at the sight of you.

"(Name). Hurt?"

"Why— Who did this to you?" Bennett summons the power of pyro, the chain breaking under its pressure. It's impressive how someone so unlucky controls his flames.

"I'm alright," You reassure them and try to mean it, racking your brain for a logical excuse, "The Fatui might come back. We have to go." Finally freeing your wrists and massaging them. The skin around it is raw and painful.

A smaller version of Bennett's burst appears on the ground of your feet. Energy courses through you and you feel the skin healing, along with your fatigue and other wounds. You sigh in relief.

"Those bad guys! We have to report this to the knights!" Bennett says quickly, "They're not gonna get away with this!"

"Miss Lisa help. Knights help!" Razor nods as quickly, helping you up on wobbling legs. They don't notice your silence as you climb the stairs and exit the building to Wolvendom. The basement must be part of the Dawn Winery's storehouse.

The sun is setting, you guess you're approaching your third day of capture.

"How were you captured? What did they do to you? What about Master Diluc–?" Bennett rambles on.

"Why capture..?" Razor mutters from behind you, softer. You know he's more curious than suspicious. He wouldn't assume anything bad of you.

You think of your position. You don't know if you've been ousted, you aren't sure where to go from Mond— what you do know is there's a Fatui outpost by Springvale functioning under legal jurisdiction.

You look at the boys. Bennett continues to ramble how this shouldn't have happened and turning to the adults, while Razor growls about protecting those he care about.

You think of your mission.

Distributing delusions for the Tsaritsa.

Teenagers asking for power.

Ambition.

"Bennett, Razor, would you two come with me?"

•••

note !! I understand that I ended this with a pretty big plot diversion, but don't worry! the fic still focuses on diluc and reader's relationship :) next chapter would be the final chapter where everything falls into place!

gen taglist !! @absolut-wildflower @boundedbyfate @sadlonelybagel @eissaaaa @ladycoleigh @nejibot @milkypompon @bloodreaper08 @irethepotato @x-zho @roriver @mich-cola @mxsomn @ackrylik @nicebonescomrade @starforecasts @stygianoir @yuminako @eccedentesiast-sapphic @nebulaera @nuttytani @klutzkat @shizunxie

loyalties taglist !! @escapeis @leftdestiny-posts @manjimeowmeow @sup-zfam @hangezoessidehoe @liyacreate @sheepispink @juminsamore @shadowfireblue @radnvindr @ashjustlikesthings @yengre @ashgayasfuzz @chiisananingen @lavynne @senjusbuddy @i-x4o @shuriiiewrites @mizu-san @kitrinafalcon @rekikyansimp @probably-rk @theonlysol @vnsmiles @reisinnie @aomur @annoying-and-upset @evapori @mostydreamscape @mariinggg

character analysis / notes !! im so glad to know kaeya and diluc's canon relationship seems to fit in here. after studying their characters again, i feel like kaeya would be more law abiding in scenarios like this, wanting to be transparent with jean and the others, whereas diluc wouldve kept things to himself.

also!! diluc wouldve definitely learned his lesson about attacking first before talking it out :< i just think hed make more of an effort to understand people, the fact that you're fatui just makes it a little more difficult but he did/does love you, he wants to try dhhshxhs

if you read the last chapter, youd see i hinted that "youd have to be real lucky to escape" xp which is ironic bc bennett.

childe and venti would be in the next chapter :> finalized the outline for it and hoping i could get it out soon. it'll be a little difficult to write the conclusion but i hope it satisfies!

[imwall-e]

W&TWS || Doubts

Summary : He is a super-soldier of more than 100 year old, struggling to find a place in this new world. She is a young student of 23, struggling with life. But they know they can find comfort and help in each other.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings : a bit of angst and anxiety, also fluff and always Bucky being the best

A/N : I am back to writing this fanfiction. It is more a journal to me, but it feels good to write like that and to share the story of Bucky and Willow. I hope you love it !

Series Masterlist

May 10th 2021

The exams had started the week of her birthday. Willow had barely revised, but was still doing her best to answer the questions and write good essays. She had a feeling, however, that it wouldn't be enough, but she was at peace with that. After all, this degree no longer suited her. All she had to do was make a decision: try her luck at the catch-up exams (because yes, she would definitely have to go), or give up altogether.

Strangely enough, her reflections led her to William. They had only been dating a few months, and she had taken just as long to get over what he had done to her. The wound still hadn't completely healed. A new question came to mind: was it a good idea to start a relationship with Bucky?

True, they had only exchanged a kiss, but perhaps everything was still moving too fast? Perhaps she needed to take her time? She wrote down all her anxieties on the paper she'd used for drafts, and promised herself she'd tell Bucky about them the next time they called.

He had gone back to New York a few weeks earlier, and it was difficult for them to communicate. She knew that a long-distance relationship wouldn't work in the long term. Especially in two different time zones.

She didn't want to get too attached like in her previous relationships. But Bucky seemed so kind. So thoughtful. However, bad times in the past forced her to be wary of many things, and many people. Even Bucky.

The teacher supervising the exam indicated that there was still an hour to go before the end of the exam. She glanced at her paper: barely four pages... She sighed, gathered her things, handed in her paper and went home.

The journey seemed long. Longer than usual. When she arrived, she was greeted only by her dog Dino. Her mother must still be at work. She took the opportunity to relax a little: take Dino for a walk, have something to eat, continue reading a book. Around 6pm, she took a shower and fell asleep a few minutes after getting into bed.

May 11th 2021

When she woke up, it was past midnight. The house was quiet. Her bedroom door was closed, probably by her mother who had preferred to let her sleep in. She reached for her phone and was blinded for several seconds by the brightness.

A few notifications from her group of friends told her that she wasn't the only one who had failed the exam. Dysariel's plan was holding up, which surprised none of them, after all he always got the best marks.

However, it was two other notifications that caught his attention. They were from Bucky:

Bucky Bear At 10.30pm: Hello Sunflower, I hope your day went well and that you managed to pass your mid-term. Give me your availability for tomorrow, I want to call you for your birthday. At 00:00: If my clock in New York is telling the right time for you, it's time for me to wish you a very happy birthday, my Sunflower. I haven't heard from you, so I assume you've fallen asleep. Thinking of you. PS: I also have a surprise for you that should arrive later today.   Sunflower At 00:15: Thank you, Bucky Bear! I'll be available from midday. I don't have any exams in the afternoon. Do I get a hint about my surprise? I'm thinking of you too. Bucky Bear  At 12:16am: Sorry, but if I tell you, it won't be a surprise! I've got to go to one last meeting. Go back to sleep, you need your rest. I can't wait to see you again.

His messages made her smile. He hadn't forgotten her birthday. He was going to surprise her. She had to concentrate on the positives. She wished she could go back to sleep now, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. So she grabbed her computer, plugged in her headphones and started watching videos. 

She was woken up by her seven o'clock alarm, just two hours after going back to sleep. She nearly fell asleep on the train journey to university. 

This morning she had an English grammar exam from nine to noon. However, she already knew that she would get out early because it was the subject she had mastered the most. Two or three exercises were more complicated and she could guess that she wouldn't get all the points. The most important thing was that she would at least pass the subject.

Zephyr, Dysariel, Axel and Ophélia went out more or less at the same time as her. They stayed another hour to eat together at one of the local fast-food restaurants. They talked about everything and anything. And Bucky.

"So," asked Dysariel, "how are things going with your handsome soldier?"

"Fine," replied Willow, blushing. I'm just a bit scared..."

"Of what?"

"That it's going too fast. Besides, the age difference is great, I mean he's over a century old."

They laughed together and all advised her the same thing: they were sure that what was between her and Bucky was special, but she had to take her time and think about her well-being.

Then came the time to go home. Zephyr went first, his parents being stricter about his going-out times. Then it was Ophélia's turn, as she had almost two hours by train to get home. Dysariel had things to do and wanted to revise for the hardest exam on Thursday: US history. Axel and Willow were the last to leave.

They had barely taken a few steps out of the main building when Axel remarked to Willow, "Look who's here." Indeed, Bucky was coming towards them, in a superb black suit. "I've got a train to catch and I think you deserve some time with him. Happy birthday again and see you on Thursday!" Before Willow could reply, Axel had already crossed the pedestrian crossing. When she turned her head towards Bucky, he was standing next to her, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands.

"Happy birthday, Willow. I hope you don't mind that I came unannounced, I definitely wanted to surprise you." He looked tired but happy to see her again. As for her, she couldn't say a word because she was so surprised. She could only throw herself into his arms.

He held her close. Her long blonde hair smelt of monoi, the scent they both associated with summer. Bucky could already see himself taking her on holiday to the beach, or to New York to meet the people he considered to be his family.

Together they got into the car. "I was thinking we could go for lunch somewhere?" Bucky suggested.

"We've already eaten with the others. Maybe tonight?"

"Yes, of course. Say, I've booked a hotel room for the week, at the park where we spent our first date. We can also spend the day there tomorrow. Are you interested?

"Why not."

Bucky noticed that Willow didn't seem as cheerful as usual. He gently stopped the car at the side of the road, and turned to her, "Is everything all right?" Worry showed on his face and Willow couldn't help crying. There was the stress of the exams, the happiness of seeing Bucky again, the fears that were interfering with her thoughts.

So she told him about all the doubts she had about their relationship. She apologised several times. Bucky took her face in his hands: "Willow, look at me. It's all right, I'm not angry with you. Unless you never want to see me again, we'll take our time. We'll go at your pace. I promise you that. Now, I just want to know if we spend the afternoon and tomorrow together, or if I drop you off at your place?"

"I think I'm scared because of what happened with my old boyfriends."

"Willow, you don't have to tell me about it. Only do it if you want to or if you're ready."

"I am."

"Then we'll talk about it, but let me take you out for dessert. I know when you get really anxious and it calms down, you get hungry right after."

The fact that he remembered little details like this warmed her heart, and a big smile lit up her face. Bucky started the car again, one hand resting on Willow's thigh. Willow put her hand on his. She was already feeling a little lighter.

I hope you love this chapter, I'm writing the next one ! Do not hesitate to like, comment and reblog if you feel comfortable to do so !

[solisaureus]

What was it about Will and Nico that drew you to them, individually and/or as a ship?

nico has always been my favorite character!!! well technically that's not true it was annabeth until battle of the labyrinth (and i still love her very very much) -- i read the original series as each book was coming out so when titans curse came out in 2007 i honestly thought nico was so annoying LMAO and i thought bianca was going to be the new addition to the cast. so when she died i was totally shocked and i didnt know how to feel about nico until battle of the labyrinth came out. and then he had that dark and edgy character arc, and my dark and edgy emo 14 year old self was like "ok this kid rules actually" and hes been my fave ever since. how long has it been. (checks watch) ive been stanning nico di angelo for 15 years.

i have always loved nico because i've always related to him -- i have a lot of the same problems that nico has (catholic repression, internalized homophobia, trauma, mental illnesses, feeling like you dont belong, i could go on) and seeing him fight so hard to survive just for the chance to see the day when things might get better...it was really inspiring to me. it sounds corny but this character helped me get through some really difficult times in my life. the way that nico strove so hard to survive in heroes of olympus when he basically had nothing he wanted to live for really gave me strength to keep going too.

And thats part of why solangelo immediately appealed to me! Nico di Angelo finally finding love and laughing and allowing himself to be close to someone after i watched him endure ceaseless torment since 2007 was so gratifying. ever since their initial interaction in blood of olympus i have felt like will was so right for nico -- he was never afraid of him, he treated him the same as everyone else, he went out of his way to make nico feel wanted and refused to let nico fall back on his old self-destructive habits. and i thought it was really fitting that nico's love interest would be someone new, someone unentangled with nico's twisted past, someone he could look to the future with and heal with.

so i started liking will because he was nico's love interest, but once trials of apollo came out I got really invested in will as his own character too, and this feeling has only strengthened with the sun and the star's release. I have actually been waiting for an Apollo demigod to be a main character since I was like 12, because I've always identified with Apollo (I've had a lifelong special interest in Greek mythology lol). And Will was exactly who I was waiting for -- i love how gentle he is, i love that he's a healer, i love his relationship with Apollo, I love how much of a dork loser he is, i love how much he cares for people, and i love his dynamic with nico so much. i ended up writing my fic Solace because I couldnt stop thinking about how will was there in the background the entire time, he lost his siblings, he pined for nico, he was forced into leadership roles when he wasn't ready. and after reading tsats i LOVE how much he is filled with self-doubt and anxiety and how he loves nico so much and wants to support him and make him feel safe and loved in the ways that nico needs. he is so so so fucking good and i adore him and he is truly unlike any other character in this series.

i love nico, i love will, i love solangelo, i love how they contrast each other and yet are the same in so many ways, i love how they overcome realistic relationship obstacles to be together because after all theyve both been through they deserve to feel secure and at peace with someone they love, who they know loves them back.

[stellar-constellations]

Hey! I'm not a very active user here, but I wanted to check in with the yandere shinso au a few days ago and haven't been able to find it. Has it been discontinued? If it was, i couldn't find any post saying that it was

Oh, you're right! I completely forgot to post that announcement. I thought I did, but knowing me I probably had a dream of writing it and I thought I posted it when in reality I didn't... Silly me!

Yes, the Bound Together series has been discontinued and deleted for a multitude of reasons.

One; I feel like it was very cringy. I kept looking back at the work and I couldn't feel myself enjoying it. I knew I could do better, and that series just wasn't cutting it.

Two; It was originally a self-insert. I started writing, I've written hundred-thousands of fanfics I did for fun, which is how I discovered I liked writing. In fact, An Alliance was actually a self-insert too, when it got to 60,000 words was when I decided to post it to the internet (after editing all the exclusive facts of me and my appearance).

The difference between An Alliance and Bound Together was that An Alliance had a completely different (Y/N), one that was made of pure fiction; whilst Bound Together felt extremely exclusive and I felt it didn't relate to other readers since it was originally a self-insert series beforehand.

Three; I had no motivation for the series. It felt like I was constantly at a writer's block with it, and it felt like there wasn't much to write or try to plot-out since it was so exclusive. It was stuck in its own little box that it made it hard to try and branch out.

Four; I actually bumped into many obstacles because I didn't actually watch or readMHA! Trust me, I tried so damn hard (I tried watching the series on three separate occasions throughout the years, and I also tried reading the manga but I just couldn't like the series). Honestly, I hated the protagonist and couldn't find myself enjoying the series plots or ideas, the anime just felt forced to me. So because I never liked the anime or manga, I never had a full grasp on Shinso's personality; I only knew the basics and that made it difficult to write.

The reason why I even wrote for Shinso was because he was a relaxed, semi-realist/pessimist, and a sleepy boy (don't judge me, I have a type). Personally, I like slowburn relationships with lots of quality time and just enjoying each other's company, not much romance honestly, so it also projected into that series and made it even harder to try and relate to the audacity (basically like reason two).

I write for characters I actually simp for, that way I can be motivated and so I can actually enjoy writing. I would rather lick gum off people's shoes for a living than EVER IN MY LIFE write for Toji, so I just need to like the character to write them.

So yeah! That's my reasons for canceling the series. Hopefully, all of my stars orbiting my galaxy will understand my reasonings. I'm not going to even try lying, it's best not to look to me redoing the series because I seriously doubt I will. After that fiasco, I decided to update my masterlist to only anime I've watched or mostly watched, that way I could have an easier time writing and you all will have an easier time reading! Thank you for this question, and I'm glad you reminded me about this!

This is my new and improved masterlist if you want to check it out. Please be aware, requests are not my top priority. My top priority is myself (because good work is only when you're in a good state of mind and body. Don't destroy yourself for random people on the internet) My second priority finishing Star Patient, listening to my reader's opinions and ideas for the plot and characters, and answering questions. Anything else is third priority.

[ectospacecadet]

Post AGIT SPOILERS

Dark Danny character arc

Ok so Dark Danny, or Dan for short, is now in a clone body of his past self. Cool. Personally I’d like to think that Clockwork made the transfer possible by having Dan’s time ectosignature be back to Danny’s own in this timeline. So he’s not got a 24/50-something year old ectosignature anymore BUT he still retains his memories of course. So he’s basically 16-17 years old now.

Why do I think his ectosignature being resynced to this timeline, so that he’s 16-17, should be a thing? Well mostly because I can see the darker NSFW side of this fandom rubbing their hands together and saying “well he’s an adult technically”, need I say more? 🤢

Anyway, aside from that, where can I see Dan’s character growth in the series?

Well, he’s human again for the first time in 12-13 years, he’s going to have to deal with teenage hormones once again. That’ll suck. Imagine going through puberty 3 times?

I don’t think he can go into his human form at first, I feel that seeing his own true human face would give him some form of PTSD. “Well he didn’t react before in UE” Because it was an illusion, not his actual human face. It’s different when it’s a fake face, but when it’s the same, flesh and blood, that you killed? That’s going to hit hard.

This is something he can work on with Vlad, giving Dan a chance to open up about all the wrong he did in his timeline, Vlad has no idea what Dan did, he just knows he’s a messed up ghost hybrid of himself and Danny.

———

I don’t think Dan will be at 100% power, not because he’s reverted to his 17 year old state, but because he’s still recovering from that battle. It doesn’t just mess with him physically but also mentally, so he trains at first but eventually it leads to a hesitant therapy treatment with Jazz.

This also gives Dan room to talk to Jazz about what he did to her, his own guilt towards that, and how he sees his family. Remember, he tried to kill them twice now, that’s going to really effect him. He lost his family from a stupid accident, but knowing he actually wanted them intentionally dead? How messed up is he that he would try to kill his family? How will he react now to seeing them and how affectionate they are with Danny?

As for Sam and Tucker, I think he’ll get jealous of that too, he tries to reconnect with them but it’s a bit difficult when he also tried to kill them. I don’t doubt that he’ll admit to them that he really did miss them, he says so himself in UE, his reaction when they hug him leaves him in a stunned shock too. Then he snaps out of it when Tucker insults him xD But yeah, I think he will try to befriend them again but shortly realises that their friendship wont be like before, that he needs find new friends.

———

Another thing, Vlad’s clones. UE takes place BEFORE Kindred Spirits, meaning that Dan had no idea that the clones existed, so how do you think he’ll react to seeing those for the first time? “What, you had a bunch of these just lying around?” Vlad can explain it all to Dan, about how dozens failed, “died”, and that’s gonna really piss him off.

Then Vlad lets him know about Danielle, a clone that somehow survived the process and surpassed the other clones despite being ‘imperfect’. Dan goes to find her in the GZ at some point, using Vlad’s own ecto-signature tracking device (based on the Boo-merang), he finds her in the frozen Tundra with Frostbite.

She’s with Frostbite because now she’ll be 14-15, meaning her ice powers started to kick in as Danny’s did, so Danny lead her to Frostbite’s world. It’s here that she stayed, found a home and her own identity. Her new name is Ellie. Dan then trains to learn how to use his own ice powers but struggles as he’s got two infused ghost cores. In these training sessions he learns more about Ellie and asks how she survived, he also relates to her more than just being his clone but also another one of Vlad’s ‘mistakes’. ✨Sibling energy✨

She explains that she’s regained her self confidence and her own identity, she liked being called Dani but felt that it was too close to being Danny, she didn’t just want to be ‘his clone’, she wanted to be herself. Dan takes a moment to consider this and offers for her to visit anytime, Vlad is trying to be better now.

———

Onto Valerie, Danny was only starting to have feelings for her around the time of UE, so Dan had those too. But obviously due to their animosity in the future and how he nearly kills her repeatedly, that’s gonna suck big time. He tries to get to know her again, much to Vlad and Danny’s dismay, Valerie isn’t exactly sure on how to feel about Dan since he looks so much like Danny. Which is explained with the statistic there’s an almost exact duplicate of you somewhere around the world, Danny found his and wanted to meet them, not only that but they had similar names, Dan being short for Dathaniel… Danny’s not great at making up shit on the fly, but Dan simply admits he uses the short version because of how dumb the long one is. I also believe that she’s working alongside the Mayor in the anti-ghost protection teams, her dad and the Fentons being the ones to help supply with Anti-Ghost weaponry. Also I do see Dan and Val trying to make it work romantically.

Again this is why Dan needs to be 16-17 again because dear god the implications behind a 24-50-something ghost in a 16-17 year old’s body just makes it so damn confusing on a ‘shipping’ level. I feel that it needs to be 100% clarified at some point otherwise it could get very VERY messy and people will scream p*do no matter which way you go because of the implications 💀

Alright, previous timeline Valerie. I am in agreement that there are 2 Valeries, you see them both in different places in the book so I don’t think they’re the same person. I’m gonna call her Val for this section.

Val is definitely not on Danny or Dan’s side, she wants to out both Danny and Dan as ghosts to Amity Park but struggles to provide proof. Both Dan and Danny have to work together when it comes to Val because she is a genuine threat, but also Danny thinks she can be reasoned with. Initially Dan doesn’t agree but over his redemption arc he basically winds up reasoning with her instead of just wasting her.

———

Alright, what about his relationship with Danny? Well… I don’t think he and Danny will get along initially, he’s… grateful that he didn’t leave him to disappear, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t resent him. Danny got his happy ending, Dan has to work hard to build things he’s lost, he’s not going to like being around him. They do start to act like brothers eventually, but Danny is clearly the favourite child when it comes to that. Dan eventually learns that he never really hated Danny, he just hated himself. He also asks how he managed to save his family, Danny says Clockwork helped.

Clockwork… OKAY BUT for real, why did Clockwork help Danny and save his parents, but not Dan’s??? Clearly he could have, but didn’t. “Everything’s the way it’s supposed to be”, so Clockwork must have seen a timeline where Danny would have to face himself twice just so he can become the bridge? Ooh Dan’s not going to like that. He had to suffer, to kill himself, his family, everything and everyone who died, just for the possibility of this outcome??? Damn. That’s going to suuuuck.

———

Final note: Dan isn’t going to be a good person just because he’s put in a clone. He has to relearn everything, go back to school to gain better social behaviours, try to learn how to fit into society again. He wouldn’t just be a ‘good guy’, think of him more as an anti-hero Danny Phantom. I don’t doubt that he wouldn’t agree with Danny initially about wanting to ‘help’ ghosts, but is quickly reminded about how Danny could have just left him to disappear.

I do also think Danny will take Dan to the old Ghost Runes, Dan is going to need his own purpose now. I’m not sure what that will be.

Thanks for reading!

[nspwriteups]

Sudden Sparks - 2

@willkatfanfromasia and I are back with the new chapter to our modern KunxVT series... happy reading 💖

This is getting more difficult by the minute, she huffed. Kriti was trying hard- very hard,mind you!- to look only into the laptop screen as Vaishakh was entertaining her niece with a game of scrabble. 

Seems convenient enough, if not for two things 

Her niece popping up with enthusiastic questions

Vaishakh looking at her from the corner of his eyes

"Mama! What about Pandemic? Will it fit? " 

Kriti couldn't help but smirk, her niece was a chip off the old block. 

"Ayo! I didn't know that word till i was 12…Besides it's 8, we need 9 letters!"

This was enough trigger for the vivacious Kriti jr. 

"Athaiii, help me!!! Oh no wait" 

"Pancake? No!"

"Premier? Pendant? Nooo"

Her niece had apparently inherited not just her intelligence but also her stubbornness in solving problems alone. 

Vaishakh opened his mouth, eager to put the child out her misery but the sight of her aunt's narrowed eyes silenced him

"Let her be, she'll figure it out" the eyes signalled. 

And what eyes they were!

 "Got it! Pachyderm" the little girl yelled pulling him out of his reverie 

She had a smile plastered on her face as she arranged the letters on board. " You never fail to amaze me! How'd you hear about it?" He asked the jubilant child

" Simple,uncle Arun supports a charity that cares for rescue elephants. So I remembered him saying that"  

This kid was truly something else! Aditya and Nandini raved about how intimidating their daughter would be if she's anything like her aunt…I think I might find out soon, he mused.

The game demanded a 5 letter word starting with M. 

"Marry" he decided subconsciously.. not expecting a barrage of questions. 

"Marry? As in marriage? Like how uncle Arun says he'll marry aunt Vinita" 

"Er.. yes"

"Like how those grandmas at the parties we attend keep asking athai when she'll marry" 

Interesting tidbit,he grinned, as he saw a blush spread down Kriti sr's neck. 

Kriti knew her niece's fondness for mischief rivalled her mother's. Her niece knew the word, even if she doesn't understand the concept.

"You know what the word means, sweetheart, that's enough" said the soft but firm voice. Kriti jr turned away from her playmate to shoot her aunt a cheeky smile.

Before she could open her mouth again, Kriti pointed at the side table "I have an old PlayStation kept there. Haven't used it in ages but feel free to dust it and explore" 

Vaishakh, already boyish, turned even more youthful in that moment as he shared her niece's curiosity.

She'd pay to see that face everyday… wait, where did that come from?

They gleefully unwrapped the device, intermittently coughing as they dusted it off. 

All the living room plug points were occupied, so they followed Kriti's instruction and headed to the guest room.

She felt a vague sense of doubt as she saw them go. "There's something wrong with the guest room…but what was the problem? Shit! Looking at numbers all day has addled my brain"

Just as she perused her memories to figure it out…

The house was engulfed in pitch darkness

"Oh…shi…shih-tzu" exclaimed the male voice

Charming even now, she snickered.

 Kriti breathed through the initial shock and reached for her phone. She realised she left it to charge in her bedroom and smacked her head.  Her niece's 'spooky' howling was only encouraged by the big kid next to her. The dual tones of wolf mimicry only cemented Kriti's migraine.

'This will have to do' she exhaled turned her laptop screen towards the room. She spotted a torch in a shelf beneath the TV. She walked carefully and picked it up. 

The howls had died down and only faint yelps could be heard. 

Curious,she switched it on, pointing it towards the guest room. 

Lo and behold! She saw the two 'wolves' tamed by a bar of chocolate.

Turns out her co-babysitter is not just a pretty airhead.

The assurance of their safety only itched her need to tell them off

"Breathe kriti. It's not their fault remember" she thought as she breathed slowly.

The guest room circuit had tripped once before. She'd been putting off replacing it due to her never-ending schedule of business meetings and deadlines. 

In fact, it was the latest 'deadline' that distracted her from warning her guests. 

The 2 "wolves" looked sheepish, hoping she wouldn't tell them off for the short-circuit or eating chocolate on her bed. Kriti harrumphed " if you can't beat them, then join them" and bounced on the mattress- swiftly stealing a molten square from their hands.

"So..." Vaisakh said, licking his fingers off the chocolate "I think the power went out when we switched on the light. Maybe it must be a short circuit?"

"The wire had been faulty" Kriti sr replied, popping another chunk of chocolate into her mouth, "I've been meaning to get it fixed"

"You mean the great perfectionist Kriti forgot to do a task?" Vaisakh fixed her with a teasing look "You're clumsy"

That struck a nerve because Kriti was so proud of her organisational skills and getting things done on time. "I wasn't being clumsy, I was busy. There's a huge difference between the two - maybe you'd understand if you stop being so childish " She retorted and saw the smile vanish from Vaisakh's lips.

"You don't know me so don't just assume" He said in a serious tone

"Right back at you" Kriti strike back, neither noticing Kriti jr glancing between them with a frown.

She let out a small whimper and both adults looked in her direction.. Kriti felt bad on seeing her niece so upset.

"Okay, this useless banter is not helping our situation" She said, looking back at Vaisakh "And how can we conclude this was just the short circuit? It could also be a general power cut "

Vaishakh nodded "Let's go ask next door". They washed their hands and knocked on the opposite door.

Mrs.Venkatesh opened the door with her usual friendly smile and regarded the visitors with curiosity "Yes, Kriti dear. Is there any problem?"

"I'm so sorry to disturb you but our lights just went out and I was wondering if it was a power cut"

Mrs. Venkatesh glanced back at her brilliantly lit living room "Well, I don't think so. Must be a short circuit". Kriti hummed, trying not to look at Vaisakh and give him the satisfaction of proving her wrong.

"Would you like to come in?" Mrs. Venkatesh stole a glance at Vaisakh "And don't forget to introduce your boyfriend to me" she half whispered to Kriti who turned red at the implication. "No we're fine and " She pointed towards the boy next to her "and he's not my boyfriend "

"That's what they always say" Mrs. Venkatesh commented before waving them goodbye and closing the door.

Kriti glared at a smirking Vaisakh "Stop laughing. It wasn't that funny"

"It was a little funny" He said, now smirk turning into a grin

"Whatever, grab jr. Let's get inside. I'll call maintenance " She ordered and noted his puzzled expression "I thought she was with you" He said slowly

"No, I thought she was with you"

They looked around at the empty corridor and their opened door. Kriti felt like she was going to be sick.

Her niece was missing!

To be continued...

@ramcharanobsessed @dumdaradumdaradum @vibishalakshman @harinishivaa @hollogramhallucination @kovaipaavai@rang-lo. @willkatfanfromasia@thelekhikawrites@thegleamingmoon@deafeningflowercat@yehsahihai@whippersnappersbookworm@itsfookingloosah@gemsmusings@chiyaanvikram@elvenladysakura. @matka-kulfi. @madatdisney@bumblebeeskywalker@vahnithedreamer@nkarti@dosai-maavu@utterlynotperfect@winter-birds@happy-bookworm @tumbledout @anabanana4115 @freeunknownwasteland @bhataktiatmacore@rapunzels-stuff@celestesinsight@mairablue@rationalelderberry@existenceiswhateven@arachneofthoughts@spider5884fan11 @cara-2003 @nirmohi-premika @stella12 @thereader-radhika @inveter

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

My breaking point...

//Hey, so...I hope you guys don't mind, but I need to vent for a bit.

//I'm here to announce that I need to take a break for a bit and...I'll explain why. Just a warning, I'm gonna be talking about some pretty heavy stuff.

//I don't really want to go into proper details, but these last few months since the start of the year have been...rough for me.

//I've been stuck in a horrible place and suffering from depression and unfortunate circumstances, even with the arrival of my new university year. I've been trying to make some changes and better my physical and mental health, so I can work my way through it.

//But it hasn't really worked. For some reason, every time I try and do something better, my life and mood just gets worse. And I will admit, some of it has derived from me doing stupid things and I'm the only one who can be held accountable for it. However, a lot of it also comes from other people both around me and online, who are making my life difficult for literally no other reason than what I can assume to be an innate desire to want to hurt me, with no rationality behind it. You guys have no doubt seen my complains about Tumblr's changes and how they've completely ruined my usual setup, and I still hate that I'M the one who has to change my way of doing things just to adapt to what are unquestionably stupid and terrible changes to what was once a perfectly good website.

//And even if it's completely unrelated to me, I just hear so much negative, and just horrible, terrible stuff going around that makes me question what the point is of even having a life to live. Take this past week leading up to today for example. If you've been following social media and the latest news, the situation with SSSniperWolf and JacksFilms and how YouTube are protecting her. Even today, I logged online to see what was happening, only to find out Wendee Lee (Miu and Akane's VA) is deciding to be a cunt and talent agencies fucking people over.

//Additionally, on AO3, I caught one of my followers being homophobic, saying they were desperate to not have any gay relationships in PToH. Because they post from a private account or whatever, I can't block them either.

//Inconsequential to me in the grand scheme of things, but the knowledge that other people are suffering at the hands of others is making me sad and prompting me to just reflect on whether there's a point or not in even trying to do what you love or make something of yourself if it only means someone else will hold it against you for the sake of their god damn ego.

//Because ultimately, people are horrible. They just are. To be honest, I'm still shocked that I have an understanding and kind audience on this platform like you guys, because I know a lot of you sympathize with me and have done in the past. And for that, I'm grateful.

//That being said, even though I would REALLY rather have avoided it, there's something I DO need to make perfectly clear, because it's happening again and I'm not in the mood to put up with it this time. I know I said I wouldn't go into detail, but I kind of need to here, even if I really rather wouldn't.

//If you follow me on other platforms of have seen my other work, you'll know that I have a sprite edit blog called @creepercraftsprites, and recently, I was requested by Mod Bubbles from A Student Out Of Time, to make some sprites for their blog. These sprites involved Kanata Inori from Another Despair Academy in a bunny girl outfit.

//A while back, I uploaded a series of sprites of every DR girl in a bunny girl outfit on Reddit; a series which included Chihiro, Hiyoko and Himiko, and sparked some heavy controversy on the subreddit. It gradually got worse, and eventually, I got permanently banned from the subreddit entirely.

//I still assert the moderators for the subreddit are ungrateful and favouritist cunts, but that aside, part of the reason why the situation got worse is because I was harassed, threatened and verbally abused by multiple people, and accused of pedophilia.

//And low and behold, I got some messages saying the EXACT same thing in light of the Kanata edits.

//I knew this would happen, but I still wanted to go through it anyway because I respect Mod Bubbles, and in no way am I saying this is THEIR fault. Of course it's not! I had every right to refuse making those edits, but I accepted. But I will not let myself be held accountable for statements that are just blatantly false, and I know even back then, the people who did this kind of harassment to me didn't actually care about the edits. They just wanted to hurt me.

//Case in point, they went out of their way to CREATE ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS after I blocked their mains, JUST TO KEEP HARASSING ME!

//And it's PATHETIC! It's just a sad state of existence and it makes me angry just thinking about it! That people do this!

//And do you know WHY they do this? Because the internet is the perfect place where you can say the worst thing imaginable to someone, or accuse them of something that is just completely and utterly ridiculous, ruining their reputation for no good reason, and face NO repercussions for it.

//Twitter, or X as it's now known, is the prime example for this. Almost EVERYTHING about that platform is horrible. It's a toxic platform full of toxic people, owned by a toxic manchild. But this is a problem that exists EVERYWHERE. Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook; if it's a social media, there's going to be someone who's going to take advantage of it with the intention of HURTING people.

//Whether it's because people can't think for themselves and have to be led by some influencer or whatever, because they can't take a joke, because they like seeing people suffer or because they misunderstand someone's intentions and refuse to let them explain themselves.

//If somebody offends you, or you don't like what someone's opinion states, then that's fine! Either ignore them, or block them! Blocking someone might be toxic, especially if they haven't gone out of their way to harm you, but at least it ends the problem right there and then! Why do people think that a perfectly reasonable solution to saying you don't like someone's work or statement, is telling them to kill themselves!?

//That's NOT funny! And you deserve some kind of punishment for saying that! Do you really think telling someone like me, or someone else who you think has screwed up, to kill themselves, or to die, is going to make YOU the BETTER PERSON!?

//It makes you WORSE by a SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT!

//People over react to everything nowadays; you cant even talk without pissing people off. GenZ and people on the internet are just really fucking immature, and I hate that it really does get to me. It shouldn't. But when people tell you you deserve to die just because you made one innocent piece of artwork of a character you like...

//...I won't lie, I considered it for a brief second, just if it means I can get away from the world that I share with these horrible, disgusting people.

//Before anybody asks, I AM seeking help for this. I just needed to rant a bit because this keeps happening, but I need to take a few days to just...readjust, focus on myself and my life, and what ACTUALLY matters right now, because frankly, I'm on the cusp of losing my fucking mind.

//I'm tired...I'm just...so...damn...TIRED...I'm fed up of ALL of this.

-Mod

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

hey I just saw your post about the minister and the ace community, do you perhaps have a link or somethin? thanks

Okay, so I'm sorry but I'm gonna use your ask to talk about the so-called 'trans law' in Spain because IT JUST GOT APPROVED!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!! CONGRATS TO EVERYONE!!!!!

First of all, I am having a lot of trouble finding links to English-speaking news outlets talking about it so all links are gonna be in Spanish for now, I'm sorry. Please, if anyone finds stuff in English let me know and I'll edit this post!!

Anyways, let's start answering your ask lol. She said this this morning (December 22nd 2022), before they voted for the law. Her name is Irene Montero, and she's the Minister of Equality and creator of the law. Here's a twitter clip where she says it, I'll translate it in English:

"... there's also the rights that are still missing. I know that today is a difficult day for non-binary people, who celebrate the advances that they have also conquered but who need the legal recognition of their reality. In the last few years, you have succeded in letting a very important part of society know you exist; may there be more and more respect and less discrimination, mockery or misunderstandings for your lives and your identities' sake. But I am aware that you also need your rights to be recognized; we will continue to protect and care for you, we know we have to keep advancing. We also know this is the case for trans and LGBTI immigrants, for ace people, for all those lives who are still invisible in the eyes of society and who are going to keep pushing the transformations that your lives need."

After it, Congress voted for this new law. It ended up passing with 188 votes in favour, 150 against, and 7 abstentions; it'll now have to be ratified by the Senate before finally being effective. This finally put an end to a months-old drag and trampling of the law by T*RFs all over the country (and of course the usual conservatives and fascists but that was expected), an extensive hate campaign towards Irene Montero herself (although tbh ever since she started in politics the poor woman has been submitted through continuous heckling and disinformation campaigns) and serious doubts on its approval, many thought it would change too much or be indefinitely delayed; in this article they neatly talk about how many hardships it has gone through if you're interested. But it's finally here. It's finally approved.

So, what's this law about? Well, it basically aspires to recognize a series of rights and protections to LGBT people in Spain, focusing mainly on trans people. As you could imagine, seeing the word T*RF in this post, this was what generated the most controversy and overall bullshit. For what I've gathered, these are the main points of the law:

It facilitates sex change. Under this law, a person who wants to change their sex being between 12 to 14 years old will need a court endorsment, from 14 to 16 the parents' approval, and from 16 on they don't need any documents or permission, they can just go to the corresponding office to change it.

It depathologises transexuality. This means that for the sex change no hormones or medical report will be needed; you can just go to change your sex without any clinical data.

It protects detransitioning. Detransitioning will be able to happen if the person wants to, changing their sex the same way as mentioned above. If there's more than two sex changes, then they will have to go to court for it.

It bans conversion therapies and sets a fine for them of 150,000€.

It protects queer families. Until now, when a queer family had a baby, the non-pregnant partner had to adopt the kid to be recognized as their parent; under this law, they just need to express it so when the kid is born and has to be registered.

It protects intersex people, by banning genital modification for those younger than 12 yo unless it poses an urgent health issue, and from 12-16 yo they can be performed only if the intersex person consents to it.

It protects LGBT people in rural areas, establishing their right to have the same resources and services than their urban folks have.

It studies 'sexile', that is, having to abandon your place of birth due to issues pertaining your sexuality or gender identity, especially in rural areas. Its main objective is for sexile to be recognized as one of the causes of depopulation within the larger measures against depopulation in the country.

There are also general measures that protect LGBT people in hostile environments and instaurate anti-discriminatory measures.

Hope this was clear enough, I'm so happy this law was finally approved, I feel it was so mentally tiring for all progressists in the country, it was a lot. But finally ES LEY!!!!!!!

Also, I'm not really an expert on it so if I've said something wrong or if I'm missing stuff please feel free to add to this post!