#not that I need therapizing now but it felt nice anyway
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I am bouncing between various wips but I feel possessed to share some music because...I really like sharing music ;u;
So! Here are some songs that give me fluffy feelings. They're not really specific to Hadri and I but if I have something to say, I'll mention it.
X BS - Still Woozy
X I Want You - Marian Hill
X Such Great Heights - The Postal Service
X honey thighs - strongboi
X Lemon Eyes - Meg Myers
X Emmylou - First Aid Kit
X Will Do - TV On The Radio
X Frequency - Sylvan Esso
X Thank you, my twilight (Fool on cool version) - the pillows
X Talk to You - Ricky Montgomery(Saw another self-ship person mention this one! I won't mention them specifically but if you know you know and if you are reading this I love the vibe with you two and this song, it's very sweet)
X Be Still My Heart - The Postal Service
X 1mm - showmore (The singing in this one is so pretty! So much emotion! Down right longing!)
X Till the End Of Time - DeVotchKa
X Loverboy - A-wall (Kind of a more negative song, but the chorus is cute. Also a bop.)
X Jitterbug (MEIKO and Hatsune Miku) - 栗山夕璃 / Van de Shop (Love this one! Also one that's I suppose more specific? Some of the lyrics make me think of Hadri like 'who cares! ignore those idiots!' and 'your one and only scorching laser light' [cause of their bright eyes] Generally though, has a fun 'us against the world vibe'.)
X Take Me Dancing - Will Joseph Cook
X Meet Me At Out Spot - THE ANXIETY, WILLOW & Tyler Cole
X Feelin' So Matryoshka - The Scary Jokes
X Weekend - Last Dinosaurs
X Renai Circulation - Monogatari Series
X For Real - Mallrat (Reccomend this one 100%, impecable vibes! Maybe a little sad? I'm not sure. Feels nostalgic)
X Northern Star - Dom Fera (Recently found this and it's been playing on repeat in my head, lovely! The lyrics, the sentiment...!)
X Combat Baby - Metic
X Be Sweet - Japanese Breakfast
X Window - Still Woozy
X Funky at Heart - Studio Killers
X Take On Me - A-ha(A classic and also, I do think of Hadri heavily when I hear this. I would do anything to hear them sing some of this. I wouldn't make them hit the high notes but! I wish I could hear them say things in general...I one time got so desperate that I looked for "listener x" with their vocal headcanon but I found nothing. Anyway, I get very flustered when I hear this out of the blue.)
Well, thank you if you read this. Or if you checked any of these out. I hope it was something! Art soon[tm] hopefully. Bye!
#sorry if the format is bad#I do my best but I don't really know what I'm doing!#formatting and organizing and putting things together is therapeutic for me so theres that at least#not that I need therapizing now but it felt nice anyway#I hit kind of a rough patch with my attachment but I'm back and loving again so I'm relieved but still rebuilding#things are still rocky#sorry if this is tmi but it helps to type#and if youre looking in the tags i suppose you dont mind seeing?#its hard for me to say it up front but saying it into the ether with maybe someone seeing is just about what i can handle#i want to talk but I am a awful conversation partner i feel like that part of me broke ages ago#anyway thanks#brix rattles#self ship community
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Heavenly | The Mortal Instruments AU
Chapter 5: The High Warlock of Brooklyn
Warning: Strong language, a little angst
(Masterlist)
"Hey, y/n... I just wanted to check on you, you said you wanted to be alone, but I'm a little worried. I also wanted to explain the whole Clary thing, it really isn't the way you think. I miss you, and I love you, and I hope we're okay. Anyway, call me. Or just show up at the apartment, I'll be there all day. Did I already say I love you? Okay, um, bye I guess." Simon's voice echoed around your flat through the answering machine.
You didn't know how to feel, on one side you were angry at Clary and Jace for trying to drag you into their mess, on the other you were angry at yourself for not having the nerve to be dragged into their mess, after all, the world needed your abilities. It would be like Spiderman deciding he doesn't wanna be a superhero and just ignoring everything bad going on around him.
And just to make it worse, you were angry at Simon, you were not sure why... Maybe because he didn't tell you that the girl was Clary, maybe because he kept being friends with her even after what happened, maybe because part of you thought he still had feelings for her.
You were angry at Clary for being the girl, for being so beautiful, for being so nice. It was bad enough to imagine Simon with Isabelle, now you had someone else to worry about.
Most of the day was spent in your bed, looking at the wall and thinking, considering every possibility, even going back to California with your parents and praying that all of this goes away. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it, so as the night came, you grabbed your phone and...
"y/n?" Simon picked up after a single ring.
"Yeah, hi."
"Thank God, I thought you'd never talk to me again."
"Well, you're my boyfriend, I just needed some time to think."
"Are you mad at me?" He asked hesitantly.
"A little..."
"Because of the Clary thing? Because I don't feel like that anymore, I love you."
"You understand why I have a hard time believing it? You still live together, you're still so close. I can't imagine losing feelings for someone that fast."
"That's because I haven't, I love her, but as a friend. Maybe I just mixed things up in my head, all I know is that I've never felt this way about anyone before and I feel it with you."
"You could've told me," you felt tears gathering in your eyes.
"I'm sorry, angel, I'm really sorry. I should have," he agreed, his voice trembling. "I just didn't want to make things weird, I thought it wasn't important anymore and you were already weirded out when I told you my roommate was a girl."
"I understand, but now it just feels like you were trying to hide it from me because you still like her."
"I would never play with your feelings like this y/n, I swear, you know I'm not like that. If I weren't completely over her, I wouldn't have said that I love you. Can I please come by and explain everything better? I wanna see you, please."
"Fine," you sighed.
"Don't move, I'll be there in a minute."
You thought it was just a figure of speech, but in less than a minute, you heard a knock on your door. Simon was on the other side, not one single drop of sweat or shadow of exhaustion from running nearly a mile from his apartment to yours.
"Hey," you tried not to look at him, not wanting to be hypnotized by his charm. "So what is it?"
"I understand your frustration, I would feel the same in your place, but there's nothing between Clary and me except for friendship."
"How can I ever live up to Clary Fairchild? She's the most powerful shadowhunter, she's the big hero of the story, she's the most special girl, she's your first love... If she loved you back you two would be together now, you're only with me because she rejected you."
"The universe has a weird way of making things happen. Maybe if I wasn't heartbroken that day I went to Java Jones you wouldn't have therapized me and we wouldn't be together, because I would've been way too shy to talk to a beautiful girl like you," Simon followed you inside, closing the door behind him.
"I feel like a consolation prize... And I don't wanna feel like this, because she's your friend. I don't wanna be the person who dislikes her partner's friends because of stupid jealousy," you felt tears running down your face again.
"Everything that happened to me brought me to you. The failure, the heartbreak, it was like a bridge that made it possible for me to meet the one who actually loves me and who I love more than anything," he licked his thumb and used it to wipe your tears, making you instantly relax. "Clary is my friend, I love her as a friend, that's it. There's no living up to, there's no competition, both of you are important to me. I love you so much and it makes me sad that you feel that way."
"I love you too," you muttered under your breath.
"Do you forgive me, angel?" He wrapped his arms around you.
"Yeah," you finally nodded. "But I'm still not joining your friend's cult."
"That's fine, I'm not here to talk about that, I only care about us... Do I get a kiss then?" Simon gave you his best puppy dog eyes.
You jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and catching his lips in a passionate kiss.
"Are we good?" He asked while taking you to bed.
"We're good..."
——————————————————
"Where are we going again? Who is this Bane?"
"Magnus Bane, he's a warlock," Simon explained. "Clary invited us to a party he's throwing. Last time I went to one, I got dragged by vampires, I couldn't even enjoy it."
"Oh nononono we're not going there! I don't wanna see Clary, plus that's the place where they kidnapped you!"
"Don't worry, angel, they can't get me now. And Clary is feeling really guilty, she said she wanted to apologize."
"Wait, you've been talking to her? About me? She must think I'm so pathetic! I know she's your friend and I wouldn't ask you to change that, but I don't ever wanna see her again."
"We were talking about how shitty I felt for hurting the girl I love," Simon gave your neck a lick hoping to calm you down, but it only made you angrier.
"Hey! Don't! Don't use your Twilight powers on me! I have always been team Jacob and you're on thin ice!" You tried to wipe it away, but that familiar excitement and the butterflies in your stomach were already there, it was too late. And you hated how much you loved that feeling.
"Sorry, I just wanted to make you feel better. I told you, there's nothing to worry about and I know you'll be great friends if you ever want to. If you don't, that's fine by me, as long as you're happy and still mine... Don't think I could live without your monthly supply of period blood," he teased.
"You dollar store Spike! That's the only reason?"
"Of course not, I can't live without you and I'm already half dead."
"Fine! I'd love to be civil and awkward with Clary, but the demon killers are just gonna try to drag me again, they won't take no for an answer..."
"I promise you y/n, she told me if you don't wanna do it, you don't have to, she won't insist," he chuckled, lifting you up in his arms. "If you really don't wanna go, I'll call her and let her know, but I think we would have a great time."
"You really think so?" You held onto his neck, resting your head on his shoulder.
"Yeah, I really do."
"Okay, you can put me down, I'll go with you."
"Nah, I'll just take you," he teased as you headed towards a weirdly obscure, industrial side of Brooklyn.
"You're such an ass..." You grunted, but made no effort to come down.
"Oh, sorry, you don't like it when I carry you? Cause I can stop."
"No, I like it..." You quietly hid your face in the crook of Simon's neck.
"Finally!" Alec rolled his eyes as the two of you approached the gates.
Everyone was already there, Alec and Isabelle seemed extremely annoyed for having to wait. Jace didn't seem to mind all that much, mainly because he never seemed to care about anything, that was his thing. Clary was the only one who seemed happy to see them.
"Hey, Si, y/n! I'm so glad you guys decided to come," she moved to give you a hug as Simon put you down.
Alec huffed before turning and knocking. "It's me... And the others," he added unenthusiastically.
"Come up, sweetie, there has been a last-minute change in location, but nothing we can't manage," a soothing voice came through the intercom.
That place was amazing, the decoration was just the right amount of chic and fun. Even without any clue about the shadow world, you'd immediately know a wizard of some sort lived there. The walls were covered in dark paintings with mystical motifs, the lighting was dim and inviting, it smelled like incense, and you were greeted by yet another cat.
"Hey, little guy!" You kneeled to pet him and he immediately started purring, rubbing his head against your thighs. You didn't even notice as the cat's owner emerged from his bedroom wearing shimmery trousers and a black see-through shirt. "Aww! You're so cute!"
"And who is this?" Magnus asked, taking your hand to help you up.
"I'm y/n," you grinned, finally feeling more at ease. That man was not at all what you expected, you thought he would look scary and menacing, or very broody like Jace, but he was like a human disco ball. "I love your outfit, so stylish!"
"Thank you, y/n," he smirked, certainly knowing how amazing he looked. "I haven't seen you before. Alec didn't mention a new member in your gang."
"She's my girlfriend," Simon raised his hand timidly.
"And a child of the Nephilim I see," Magnus tilted his head as he checked the rune on your wrist before looking up at you as if staring into your soul. "So you like cats?"
"I love them, yours is just the cutest. I wish I could adopt one, but my building doesn't allow pets," you sighed wistfully.
"Hmmm I like you, that's a good one," he finally concluded, winking at Simon in approval. You had no idea they could get along, Simon being so shy and Magnus being so extravagant, but they were both downworlders, so maybe that was a stronger bond than you anticipated.
"Are you kidding me, Mag?" Alec rolled his eyes, certainly still mad at Simon for picking you instead of his perfectly gorgeous sister.
"What? She has good taste, and Chairman Meow is an excellent judge of character, he seems to like her," the warlock gestured to the cat, rubbing himself against your legs.
"Yeah, y/n is pretty okay," Isabelle added, almost as if to calm down her brother. She wasn't your biggest fan by any means, but she couldn't deny how happy you made Simon and you were definitely an improvement from his stupid crush on Clary.
"Wow, I didn't know you loved her so much," Jace mocked with a chuckle.
"There's no way anyone could not love her," Clary added, finally breaking the silence. She felt horrible for causing the fight between you and your boyfriend. "She's amazing."
She was antsy to find some time to speak with you in private, but the last thing you needed was a pity speech from the perfect Clary Fairchild... It still stung that she was the first one to hear 'I love you' from the man you loved with all your heart.
"High praise coming from you I imagine..." You simply sneered.
"Enough! You're all bringing down the aura in my house," Magnus clapped dramatically before offering his arm for you to take. "Let's get to that party. I made up a new drink I think you'll love it, y/n."
"I don't usually drink on school nights-"
"Tonight you do, darling."
#mortal instruments#mortal instruments fanfic#mortal instruments simon#city of bones#city of bones fanfic#simon lewis x reader#simon lewis#fanfic#robert sheehan character fic#robert sheehan fanfic
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Magic and Miracles and BEYOND Chapter 11
AAAAAAHHHHHHH FINALLY Ada leaves Cor and returns to Luche!!!!!! I mean with a declaration of love like that, how can you notI’m so happy. Cor really is a lone wolf tho. So in case you haven’t noticed, I recast Gentiana as this lovely woman next to Ada. @the-immortal-marshal, GIRL. You hopefully will love this. I was CACKLING when I wrote the end of this chapter and hopefully you’ll laugh too.
So without further adieu. You can go here- AO3 or read below. Enjoy.
Chapter 11
Cor helped Ada take a shower by taking a shower with her and just held her under the hot water for a long time because he didn’t know what to say so he said nothing while he mentally tried to come up with something to say. But when he was done Ada got to see the full extent of his new wounds.
“What happened to you while I was gone?” Ada asked as he helped her get dressed and ready for bed.
“Don’t worry about it. You have enough on your plate.” Cor waived off as he got dressed in some PJ’s too, grateful that Regis had gone to his house to get him some clean clothes and things.
“Oh come on, just tell me Cor!” Ada pleaded before Cor got her tucked back into bed.
“While you were gone I got close to Gilgamesh, really close, like I saw him from across a warehouse we raided, he was under full guard and I tried to hack my way through to him and I did actually got to fight him but he... he slipped away again. So I may have gotten hit a bit. I was in this hospital for a little bit but I’m fine, besides you were on the cruise to Alaska and I didn’t want you to worry or spoil your vacation and there was no way for you to come home even if you wanted to. Sylva did everything she could from the boat, which thankfully that ship had internet and I swore her to secrecy and not to tell you or anyone else. Granted my stay wasn’t as nice as this was but I didn’t need all of this or want it. So once I got out, I changed tactics and I thought if I could get The Empress and nail her down permanently that Gilgamesh would cave and come for her himself and I’d be able to trap them both and finally end it once and for all.” Cor explained. “I was hoping to do that before you came home. I should have sent you on a plane back to your parents the moment you came back. But I swear to you Ada, I will make this right and the bastard will see justice, I swear.” Cor admitted as he got in the bed next to hers as he held her hands in his as they faced each other before the nurse knocked and came and hooked Ada back up to her IV fluids since the bedding had been changed while Ada was in the shower and there had been warm blankets put on under the comforter so the bed was perfectly warm for her.
“Feel a little more human?” Sadie gently teased since the line she used to get Ada in the shower was to scrub off the grime and blood and ‘feel more human’ which had gotten Ada to crack a smile as Sadie grinned wider when Ada cracked a larger smile.
“Yeah,” Ada nodded, she had needed a shower and a good scrub down and to brush her teeth, put on some deodorant and stuff.
“Good, do you want some more meds to help you sleep?” She asked thoughtfully.
“Yes please.” Ada nodded.
“How about...remeron? It’s an anti-anxiety med and it’s side effect is to knock you out while it calms you down.” Sadie offered.
“Perfect.” Ada smiled appreciatively as Sadie punched that into the computer before she pulled the med out of her pocket and administered it, having already loaded up before she came into the room so that there wouldn’t be a wait time for Ada and within seconds Ada’s eyes grew heavy before she fell asleep.
“Cor? Do you want some too?” Sadie asked thoughtfully.
“Nah, I’m good.” Cor waived off.
“Ok, well get some sleep you two. Let me know if you need anything.” Sadie offered before she pet Baxter affectionately as he curled up next to Ada in her bed.
“Will do, good night.” Cor bid her before she bid him goodnight and left.
The next day Cor took Baxter for a walk to go potty in the little rooftop garden on that floor while Sylva stepped in to check on Ada.
“So how are you feeling today?” Sylva asked curiously as she came into the room.
“A little better. So Cor told me last night that while we were in Alaska he was here in the hospital, so since he told me, can you tell me more about that?” Ada requested.
“Yeah, I can actually, I had Cor sign a waiver before he would be discharged so that when he told you, you would be able to see for yourself the full extent of it, I have it printed out already, I’ll go get it.” Sylva answered before she turned and went and got it and called Rose to come to the hospital before she came back.
“Now if you don’t mind, I called Rose, Gladio’s mother, because she’s the one who brought him in and she’ll be able to tell you what she found when she found him.” Sylva began before Cor came back.
“Oh no.” Cor frowned. “Sylva come on, she’s been through enough, don’t do this now.” Cor pleaded.
“Hey, since you didn’t want to tell me the whole story, I found someone who will.” Ada challenged.
“I told you all you needed to know, more than I should have.” Cor defended as Sylva rolled her eyes so hard they damn near rolled out of her head.
“If you had told me enough, I wouldn’t have reached out to her.” Ada maintained.
“Fine, you two knock yourselves out, I’m going to call into work.” Cor huffed as he put Baxter back up on her bed as Baxter curled up next to Ada and simply sat there.
“As you can see Cor is of the mindset that the less people know, the better, he thinks that he’s protecting everyone by keeping them “blissfully ignorant” obviously that doesn’t work.” Sylva muttered under her breath as she pulled up a chair before Rose came into the room.
“Hey Sweetie, how are you holding up?” Rose asked thoughtfully.
“Well I’m not bawling my eyes out right now.” Ada shrugged.
“So you’re numb, ok.” Rose nodded in understanding as she came and pulled up a chair too before they both went over Cor’s medical history with Ada as well as Rose gave insights with Cor’s past and the nitty gritty of his personality as Sylva had all the medical history to back it up and show the full extent of his injuries as Ada realized, Cor had always been this way and that she simply ‘got in the way’ of his work, his life. He said he had changed and that he wasn’t this way anymore but clearly that wasn’t true.
And he had downplayed it all again, he had surgery again, not just one- he had five. His liver and his kidneys had been slashed and had to be sewn back together, his spine got hit, he could have been a parapalegic, he could have died, he was super close to dying several times. He wasn’t just in the hospital for a day or two he was here for over a week. His life had hung in the balance and he was in the intensive care unit, he had gotten attacked worse than he had ever been before and he didn’t tell her. He didn’t….he kept this from her. If Sylva hadn’t gotten him to sign a waiver to have this released to her, she never would have been able to know. She just sat there and let all of this soak in. She had almost lost him and it was like...he didn’t care that she almost did. His idea of “protecting her” is keeping her in the dark, he had promised to stop doing that and he broke his promise. As she realized how there was no way he was ever going to live up to that either. Had she been foolish to expect that from him? He was never going to change, not for her, not for anyone and he was going to kill himself in the process. He wasn’t going to get her justice, no there was no justice to be gotten, no, this was a vendetta and this was vengeance, she was just collateral damage. What had she been to him anyway? Just a good lay and live in mother to clean his house and do his laundry and warm his bed? To take care of him on his terms because emotionally and mentally he didn’t need her. Obviously, he never needed her. Not really. He had been used to be self sufficient and all she had been was a distraction. One that he thought he wanted and he thought was good for a while at least but now, she clearly just got in his way. She didn’t want this life anymore. She was done. She had thought this was fun and “exciting” oh yeah, loads of excitement, not knowing if he was going to come home to her, not knowing what was going on, always being in the dark, always being on the sidelines and the supportive role while he got all the “action”. This was bullshit. How could he ever protect her when he had never even tried to protect himself. He obviously knew it was just a matter of time before this happened and the risk of her and her safety and wellbeing was worth his quest for Gilgamesh. Fuck this.
After a couple of days, Ada felt it was time to go home and was discharged and was really quiet on the way home which left Cor to do his own thinking in his own head because he felt he couldn’t say anything without starting a fight because the fight that had ensued after Sylva and Rose had left had been big and bad enough that the other patients had called security and he had promptly just left for work and didn’t come back until she had fallen asleep.
Ada wasn’t surprised by that. She wasn’t surprised when he left her alone all day once he brought her back to his house that didn’t feel like home, Ada realized, it never really had either. But because of what happened, she was terrified to leave the house and started to have panic attacks. Crowe was livid when she came by to see Ada having a panic attack and Cor was nowhere in sight and ignoring Ada’s calls. Luche was fuming because he did his best to keep a respectful distance once she left the hospital but at the call from Crowe that Ada was at home alone having a panic attack, he immediately dropped everything and came running and thanks to those books Sylva had loaned him since had done nothing but read those and study them like his life depended on it, he was able to get her calmed down. Luche and Crowe worked out how to get Ada back to therapy. And for a few days more they tag teamed with Ada, if one of them wasn’t with her, the other was while Cor was at work with Crowe taking the evening shifts to be there and make sure Cor came home to her before she’d leave Ada.
Luche even coaxed her into leaving the house to take high tea again. He thought if that if she could see herself looking put together and with makeup on and her hair done, she’d feel a little better about herself, like she was coming back together and coming back to herself too.
“You look beautiful.” Luche praised as he drove her to the tea house as he held her hand tightly, Baxter, Kona and Kahlua in the back seat with them since when Luche came, he brought the dogs to get to know ‘mommy’ and the dogs took to her as such and had always been hesitant to leave her when he would leave.
“Thanks,” Ada whispered as she squeezed back. Grateful he was with her. She preferred his presence to Cor’s because when Cor was home, he was quiet and still wouldn’t tell her shit. At least Luche talked with her, talked her through stuff. And even when Cor was home, Ada felt even more alone in his presence now.
Once at the tea shop Luche escorted her to the private booth in the back so that Ada could still be ‘out’ but not feel ‘exposed’ because the two were different things. So here Luche sat- across from her, pouring her a cup of tea, in his suit since he had been in the office that morning trying to do a little bit of work before he came to take care of her and he was looking particularly handsome today while she still felt a bit raw on the inside despite looking put together on the outside. But she did feel better that they were both dressed up. Cor didn’t believe in dressing up outside of a uniform or simply a Tshirt and jeans for everything, granted they were black jeans and black shirts, but still. The man owned one suit and one tux that Sylva had bought for him for the wedding.
Luche had a whole closet full of suits and shirts with gorgeous ties. All of the suits were tailored to fit him so he looked like a damn suit model half the time. Ada still noticed how it was Luche that got looked at appreciatively once they arrived in a teahouse full of women, he was the only gentleman there and those other women had looked at him like he was a snak. It both made her feel jealous that even hinted at possessiveness and made her so proud to be with him. But to Luche, it was like they weren’t even there.
“I’ve missed you.” Luche finally said after he ate his cucumber sandwich and they were quiet for a few long moments and Luche felt like if he didn’t say something his brain was going to explode because he wanted to say a thousand and one things all at once but he had to really be mindful of her and how she was feeling and make sure she didn’t feel overwhelmed and he couldn’t overwhelm her with his thoughts and feelings and emotions right now. But GOD was it hard.
“What are you talking about? You saw me yesterday. Plus you’ve been too busy babysitting me to do anything other than that, I haven’t been anywhere for you to miss me.” Ada gently argued as she took the tea cup and drank from it again, the warmth of the tea cup warming her fingers as the tea and his presence seemed to warm and soothe her soul.
“Not what I meant and I don’t babysit you, you’re an adult, if anything I just simply hang out with you.” Luche countered gently.
“Then what did you mean?” Ada tilted her head as she considered him curiously.
“Well... I’m legitimately scared all of this is going to change you so much, you’ll never be the same and you’ll never get to be your old self again, I’m going to do all I can to keep up with you and keep up with how this will probably continue to change you but...” Luche countered before he trailed off and looked away guiltily. He shouldn’t have said that or brought this up, this was dangerous territory.
Ada simply smiled sadly at him, not sure how to answer. “Are you sure you’re not missing something really important back at the office right now?” Ada questioned changing the subject as she felt a deep sense of dejavu.
“Nope, I don’t deal with anything that’s life or death, whatever is there can wait until whenever I get back, I got a new office when we came back and I'm still settling in and Sylva made sure I didn't get anything important that would need more attention than you, nepotism is fantastic sometimes plus you’re always way more important than any paperwork I could possibly do there, something Sylva and I completely agree on.” Luche insisted, looking back up at her, his gaze soft and his grin gentle as it turned reassuring and Ada felt warmed by the sentiment and she could tell he wanted to say more but forced his mouth to stay shut and let her have a moment of peace but part of her wanted to hear whatever he would say.
“What?” Ada asked, hoping that would help him say whatever he wanted or needed to stay.
“Never mind.” Luche shook his head no before he picked his tea cup up and sipped it again, trying to acquire his taste for it.
“Stop.” Ada demanded. “Everyone looks at me like they want to tell me a thousand and one things but no one tells me what they’re really thinking anymore and I hate it. Luche, I want you to be the one person on this planet who doesn’t do that to me. Just tell me what’s going through your head, don’t worry about offending me or hurting me or anything like that because out of everyone you’re the one who’s actively healing me and making me feel better and keeping me safe while gently pushing me towards recovery which is what I need. So just...keep talking to me, keep communicating with me. Stop holding back.” Ada pleaded desperately and Luche caved. She did technically ask for this so he leaned his elbows onto the table and leaned forward and made sure she looked him in the eye. Go big or go home and he was going for broke.
“Ok. I love you, I’m in love with you and I never fell out of love with you and I have never stopped loving you and the last 9 months have been a living hell for me because I haven’t been with you and when you broke up with me I felt like you took my heart with you and you never gave it back so I’ve been an empty shell ever since and no matter what I’ve done to attempt to move on or find someone else I’ve failed spectacularly because I’ve only ever wanted you. And it’s killing me keeping a respectful distance but if that’s what you need that’s what I’ll do. I thought I was going to lose my mind when this happened to you and only God knows what I would have done if the unimaginable happened to you because the idea of living in this world without you in it is abhorrent to my very soul. You are my whole world. So anything I can do to spend time with you, no matter what the cost to me personally is- is something I’ll always do if it’s for you, I got Kona and Kahlua for you, I got seven tea sets at home just for you, I have a whole cupboard in my kitchen that’s bursting at the seams because I can’t stop buying ridiculously expensive but hopefully really good tea in the hopes that one of these days you might love me back again and you’ll want to go home with me and use those tea sets and drink the tea and find even more tea that you love instead of going home to Cor when Cor isn’t even coming home to you, not in any way that matters anyway. He ignores you and has abandoned you mentally and emotionally and it’s all of my strength to not scream and yell at you and shake some sense into you to see what’s really happening and it’s killing me that you’re hurting and I can’t fix it and make it better and it’s killing me that you will probably never get justice when you are the most deserving person there is of it and I would give everything to go back in time and change everything and as angry as I am at Cor, I’m also angry and frustrated with myself because you deserve better and I’m trying to give that to you if only you would take it.” Luche finally spoke, his voice dropping to a low murmur so that he wouldn’t draw attention to them but it felt so good to finally get that off of his chest. But the look in his eyes brought tears to hers. The words were eating their way out of her throat as she stood as Luche did the same and came into his arms as he hugged her tight.
“I only ever want you too! I love you so much! I never should have left you, it was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve done nothing but regret it ever since and I’ve been so miserable Luche, please, please forgive me, I’ll never be unfaithful to you ever again as long as I live! I want to be happy again, I want to be happy with you because you make me happy! You make me feel loved and cared for. Please, please take me to Cor’s house to get my stuff and take me home!” Ada wailed into his chest as she felt so safe and warm in his arms again. Like nothing could hurt her ever again.
“Oh thank God! Finally!” Luche exclaimed in relief before he kissed her, letting all the built up emotion over the last few months finally come to a head and kissed her like a man starved as she kissed him back in kind. He tasted better than he ever did. Luche paid for lunch and grabbed her hand and left with her and once in the car they made out again because it had been long overdue and they finally didn’t have anything to get in the way or hold them back anymore and once Luche finally got to drive back, Ada texted Crowe before Crowe texted the gang who all showed up at Cor’s house to help Ada move out as quickly as possible and made sure they got everything that was hers while Ada wrote a break up note to Cor.
Within the hour, they had gotten all of Ada’s stuff loaded into their vehicles and happily and super quickly they had her things loaded into Luche’s apartment. Even Baxter was happy to get moved to the new place and happily laid down on the third dog bed in the living room and stretched out after getting acquainted with the food and water dishes and the premium dog food and the little backyard and Sylva was cheering and dancing and leaping for joy in her office when she got the text from her kids and from Luche about the change. That and her and Tredd did win the pool since their friends had secretly opened a bet as to when Luche and Ada would get back together and Sylva had picked today and Tredd had simply added his bet with hers.
Cor came home and was relieved when it was peaceful and quiet and sat in his chair and relaxed for a moment before he frowned in confusion. It shouldn’t be this quiet. Maybe Ada was sleeping. He went upstairs and found his bed empty but made before he looked around and noticed Ada’s things were gone. Vanished like she was never there to begin with.
“Oh fucking hell.” Cor groused as he looked around and was relieved to find that his stuff was still ok, she didn’t do the whole- dump your shit into your yard- thing. Or destroy anything and everything she could touch- thing.
He went downstairs and found the note Ada left him on the kitchen island. It was surprisingly, sweet, fucking sad but still, he was surprised it was as...well put together as it was as he suddenly realized that Sylva had warned him, everything listed here was exactly what Sylva told him not to do that he had done. Hell, even Regis had repeated it, Clarus and Gladio too, it was all his fault, he had the perfect girl and he lost her because he was an idiot and an ass, he could have had it all but he blew it and she was gone forever. Now he could blame no one but himself for losing her. So he did the “sensible” thing, got into the cabinet and grabbed the first bottle of liquor his hand touched and started chugging.
Meanwhile Luche was all too happy to have Ada settle in and Ada found herself actually smiling to herself as she put her clothes away and put her toiletries in the bathroom and caught herself smiling in the mirror. She felt so much lighter and like she didn’t have to dread...anything. She knew Luche was always going to come home to her. Like she was more than just turning a page, she was snapping the book labeled ‘Cor’ shut and reopening the book marked ‘Luche’ and starting a new chapter in that one.
“You ok?” Luche asked as he came into the bathroom with her to check up on her.
“Yup,” Ada nodded as she finished putting her things away.
“What do you want for dinner?” Luche asked thoughtfully.
“I have no idea.” Ada shrugged with a little giggle.
“Do you want to go out or stay in?” Luche put to her as he leaned against the door frame.
“Stay in.” Ada decided.
“Well I don’t really have “groceries” groceries, but there’s a bunch of places that deliver or I will happily go and pick something up if they don’t deliver here so come on,” Luche invited and gently and reverently took her hand and led her downstairs to the kitchen where there was a drawer full of takeout menus and got them all out as well as got his apps up on his phone so he could order their first official dinner at home. Granted it wasn’t nearly as glamorous as he wanted it to be but at least she was here. He would make it glamorous later. Oh he was going to do the whole, candles, rose petals, sweep her off her feet big romantic gesture soon enough. Right now he just wanted to her to feel at ease and comfortable and not put any pressure on her at all in any way.
“Just tell me what sounds good and I’ll get it here, whatever you want.” Luche invited as Ada looked them over before they ordered several things from a few different places before Luche finally got changed into comfy clothes and came back down stairs to relax on the couch with Ada, happy to practically have her sit on his lap she cuddled so close to him with a throw blanket over both of them as the dogs still laid on them both, Kahlua especially getting as much of herself onto Ada as she could as Luche was damn near pinching himself that she was here with him, in his arms and back with him- while they waited for the delivery and simply watched TV in companionable silence and as usual the dogs alerted that there was someone there when all three got up and stared at the door, their tails wagging slowly but Kona and Kahlua didn’t bark because they had been trained not to before Luche got up and got the door and paid the delivery guy generously before he had to carry the bags high so the dogs wouldn’t sniff holes through the bags before putting them on the breakfast bar that separated the living room from the kitchen and started unpacking everything before handing Ada her food before they relaxed on the couch again, simply eating and watching tv. LIke it was just another day for them but he was happy they could at least be happy and content to just be and Ada was happy to just be and feel settled already.
When they had both eaten their fill Luche put the leftovers away and made a mental note to actually go and do some real grocery shopping with Ada before Ada came up behind and just hugged his back which got Luche to smile and hug her arms back as he couldn’t help but smile wide when he felt her nuzzle her head into his back before she came around and pulled him down to kiss her. Luche was supposed to be controlled when he kissed her but god damn, he couldn’t help it, before he knew it, he had her pushed up against the fridge because she was smiling into the kiss, fisting her hands into his clothes and trying to pull herself up onto him which he was all too happy to help as he lifted her and to have her wrap her legs around his waist had him almost past the point of no return.
“Oh God, wait, uh, I...you don’t have to, we don’t have to, if you’re not…” Luche tried to put on the breaks before he did lose control.
“Lu, if you don’t fuck me until I can’t walk straight right now, I’ll kill you, plus this place needs to be christened properly.” Ada insisted and that was all the permission Luche needed before he let the floodgates of his affections open and promptly carried her up the stairs himself as Ada cackled and started stripping her shirt and bra off.
A few days later they shopped at Pier One and several other places to decorate the place to really make it theirs while Cor after sobering up enough to go to therapy with Dr. Gentiana.
“So where’s Ada today?” Gentiana asked as she sat in her chair and got her notebook out even though she knew exactly where Ada was and what she was up to since Ada had gone to see her only a couple of hours before.
“She left me.” Cor answered as he handed her the note as Gentiana took it and read it over and made some notes.
“Cor, I’ve known you for years, I’d like to think over that time I’ve come to know you fairly well in that time, so now that you’re here, I’d like to do a little exercise.” Gentiana began and reached behind her and pulled out an inflatable bat and stood up before she hit Cor upside the head with it a few times.
“Ow, what the fuck Tiana?!” Cor asked as he shielded himself from her blows while Gentiana finally did what Ada, Sylva and so many others had wished they had done to him by just, wailing on him with this inflatable baseball bat.
“Really?! You took an 18 year old, exposed her to her first super traumatic experience, purposefully kept her misinformed and in the dark and then left her alone and on her own when you came home for days?! She was having panic attacks left and right and you ignored her! And you’re surprised she left you?!” Gentiana growled once she was done before she got straightened up and sat back down before she put the bat away before she looked questioningly at Cor who only hung his head in shame.
“Just because you’re jaded and callused doesn’t mean that she should be too. So here’s the deal, you knew better, you don’t get to hate Luche for picking Ada up when you clearly dropped her and you don’t get to blame Ada for being a human being and having needs that you clearly didn’t fulfill. This note was a kindness, read it before you think about entering into another relationship because I can tell you right now, every woman would do what she did. Now, let’s move forward shall we?...” Gentiana began as she handed the note back to Cor and continued with the therapy session.
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