#not taking it next semester Or the semester after :( have to wait until Next winter semester

[beabatoru]

500 days of you ── .✦ spiderman! gojo x reader

pairing . academic rivals spiderman! gojo x reader

summary ⊹ ࣪ ˖ being at the top of your class for the past few years has not been a problem for you at all, that is until he transfers in, stealing away your spot with his genius intellect and annoyingly good 4.5 gpa, better than your 4.0, all while wearing that stupid grin you just want to punch off. what's worse is he also happens to be the cities hero, in who you fall in love with, unknowing to who was under the blue mask.

warning . college au, academic rivals to lovers, eventual smut, gojo is a pervert, panty stealing, dry humping, a bit of angst, hurt/comfort, sexual harassment, toxic relationship with family, unhealthy diet, fluff, set in new york like any other spiderman, female reader, p in v, oral, reader is a virgin, violence, gojo is full of himself, webs used.. inappropriately.

w . c

a . n : this is a reupload from my old blog ! it also means that I will continue this series because I miss spiderman gojo :((

500 days is all you have left until you graduate. according to your calendar that you have self made with several pictures from your childhood up to your teenage years, placed neatly beside your bed so you could cross each day as it passes with your baby pink highlighter, you have exactly two years. today, december 20, marks your first day of long awaited winter break in which you desperately needed after enduring what you believe was the worlds hardest final exam for your humanized and social science class.

your roommate has decided to take this time to go visit her family back at her hometown, to spend a few days with her family wrapped in a comforting warm and cozy atmosphere alongside whatever her family provides. but you chose to stay behind, not that you had anymore exams to finish up or anything, but because going back to see your family, if you could even call them one, wasn't even an option. your relationship with them wasn't abusive or anything, just strained, always putting your brother's needs before yours. that's part of why you picked the farthest college you could away from them, an entire different timezone.

you wouldn't call it running away, because that implies fear, you'd just call it more of a extraction. a nice and peaceful separation. sure, they reach out once in a while, but you always come up with excuses on the spot to end the call early. they barely knew that much about you, hell, they didn't even know which college you were going to even your plan in majoring in physics until a month before you left.

nyu is a beautiful campus, not traditional in any way, it bleeds right into the city. any spot there would be perfect to study, and well you didn't have anything to do for the next two weeks so a little studying before the next semester even starts. so with that you made your way over to your locker which was a brief fifteen minute walk away from your dorm.

you don't mind the walk, no rush, no crowds. the usual buzz of students chirping has died down. its not a eerily type of quiet, its peaceful. the faint sound of your footsteps echoed throughout the almost empty hallway. reaching your neatly decorated locker, you opened it unaware of the person right next to you, the door swung right into them.

"shit-"

your eyes widened as you saw the persons books fall right out their hands.

"oh my god im so sorry! I didn't see you there!" you immediately crouched down to pick of the several textbooks, most of them being physics for semester two. it wouldn't be a surprise if the owner of these books would be in the same class as you. "its alright" the mysterious person chuckled as they took away the books from your hands.

your eyes widened as they landed on them. or him, actually. he had beautiful bright blue eyes that for sure held every secret of the ocean, and snowy white hair that resembled the snow that was falling right outside. you couldn't even get a word out.

"im satoru." he said, waiting for you to give your name to him.

"right.. right. I mean- im y/n." you stumbled across your words. he gave you a crooked smile, almost naturally as he saw you stutter. his hands now itched onto his heavy physics books, tilting his head as he studied you. "you have any idea where mr. thompson's class is?" his smooth voice asked. mr. thompson. thats the name of your physics teacher.

"yeah! yeah he's my physics teacher!" that came out a bit more excited than you intended it to. "yeah? mind being an angel and leading me to it?"

you laughed softly, hoping the light pink tint on your cheeks weren't noticed by him. oh but they were. the awkward tension melted right away. "of course."

he didn't mind the blush, and the way his smile widened told you that he definitely noticed your blushing, but he didn't say anything about it, instead allowing you to show him the way around the campus. he fell into step beside you recalling how you as well had this course. "so.." he broke the silence, "you actually understand physics are you just one of those people who pretend to know what you're doing?"

you shook your head laughing a bit as your gaze fell down to your shoes against the pavement. "no, no I understand. im majoring in it so I kind of have to. but it honestly depends on the day, sometimes I feel like the textbook is gaslighting me" now it was his turn to let out a laugh. and it sounded genuine. "thats great. back at my old uni, people were only there for the credits or whatever. no one was really as passionate as I am." you gaze shifted to him. "oh, which school did you transfer from?"

"colombia university."

"is the lack of people taking physics seriously the reason for your transfer?" you asked half jokingly, but you wouldn't be surprised if that actually was the reason, you knew some people like that.

he sucked in a soft breath, eyes flickering from your figure to look forward. "no I just.. wanted a different environment I guess." there was a bit of hesitation in his voice, but you didn't push it. after all you just met this boy not even five minutes ago. you both finally reached mr. thompson's classroom, his door slightly ajar. "he should be in here.. he always is., im convinced he lives in there"

he hummed looking into the classroom, catching a glimpse of the bald headed man hunched over a stack of papers before looking down at you. "thank you, y/n. I hope we see each other in uh two weeks?" the way he said your name sent your butterflies on a rollercoaster.

"yeah.. yeah I hope so too." you said quietly which earned a sweet smile from him before he walked in to talk about whatever he needed to with the professor. with one final look at the door you turned, only to remember you didn't even grab your books, let alone close your locker which was the whole point you came out of your dorm. you quickly rushed back with the thought of the new student lingering in the back of your mind.

── .✦

in the blink of an eye, the break was over, and the dreadful second semester rolled right around the corner. the traumatizing sound of your alarm that was set at 7 on the dot woke you up for your 9 am physics class, slicing through the silence and especially your slumber.

you groaned, clicking repeatedly at your phone to shut the ear piercing sound off. for a second, you considered skipping. but you knew mr. thompson doesn't play no games, and neither did that syllabus. so you dragged yourself out of your bed, limbs heavy, and mind still foggy as you began to miss the warmth provided by your bed. the sky outside was still that dusty gray, soft flakes falling right out of it.

after making yourself a cup of coffee, you brushed out your hair to be somewhat socially acceptable. you were the top student of the school either way, you had to be presentable at all times. you threw on a jacket and a cute pair of pants before making your way out of your dorm, holding envy for your roommate for not having a morning class.

by the time you reached the lecture hall, well your body because your soul was still trapped in between your blankets, you noticed that you werent there first one there like always. your eyes landed on him.

satoru.

he was seated right there at the front of the class, his posture was excellent, back straight, shoulders relaxed, giving you another reason to like about him. his eyes were trained on his phone, with his earbuds blasting whatever he was listening to in his ears. but they shifted as you walked in, and when your eyes met, a soft smile appeared on his pink tinted lips making your chest feel just a little too full.

maybe the second semester didn't seem so dreadful at all.

"hey.." he took out an earbud out of his ear as you approached, sliding in the seat right next to him. "hi" you replied, placing your bag next to you. "glad we're in this class together. haven't really met anyone else since we talked."

"that so? not even your roommate?" you unconsciously fixed your hair to try and maybe woo him with your beauty. "oh actually i'm living in an apartment" your hand stopped playing with your hair.

"an apartment? in New York? the school is already bleeding us dry.. what are you, rich or something?"

that earned a chuckle from him, a quiet one that made your stomach flip. "yeah.. sure." he had a grin on his face, making you question if it was a joke or not. you both watched as more seats filled up with new and old students. but everyone was eventually startled when mr. thomspon walked in and slammed a textbook onto his desk.

"well I'd like to say im disappointed from last semesters final exam results." he began, a hint of amusement in his voice, "but id be lying."

a beat of silence.

"im proud to say that everyone passed." a relieved sigh escaped almost everyones mouths, echoing across the room. "and of course, ms. l/n, miss goody two shoes," you placed a hand on your chest in mock offense making satoru sniffle a laugh next to you. "you got the highest mark, like every year." he grumbled. "im starting to think you're just here to make everyone else feel bad about their grades."

"only slightly." you muttered under your breath, loud enough for satoru to hear. he turned a bit towards you. "lets see how long you stay up there, miss top of the class, until I snatch your spot."

you stared at him while he turned back to face the front. he was just joking right? I mean no one could steal away your spot. no one has for the past two years, and no one will. right?

── .✦

oh but you were wrong. oh so so so wrong.

this boy wasn't your new friend. he was your rival, like his whole existence was to take away everything you've worked hard for. he wasn't your soon to be charming lab partner or the cute guy you'd hang out with at a local cafe after class.

he was your academic nemesis.

it didn't hit you right away. not until the first quiz given to the class was passed back in which you got a 97% on. but once you saw a fucking 100% on satoru's paper circled in a horrid red ink, thats when it hit you. and the cherry on top was when mr. thompson grinned and leaned down to whisper, "looks like you've got competition." you stared at satoru like he had just murdered your family, not that you minded, but in a way he murdered your entire existence.

he looked at the paper, like he didn't even care that he passed, because to him this was normal. he caught your expression and was confused to see that the usual soft look on your pretty face was now replaced with pure wrath.

this wasn't just 480 days of school anymore.

this was war.

every time you raised your hand to answer a question, it was always outshined by satorus. damn him and his longer limbs. and every time, the professor would call on him.

every. single. time.

you even considered this being sexist. then satoru would answer correctly, of course. damn mr. thompson for finding this whole rivalry hilarious. like if your whole identity as "the smart one" wasn't practically being lit on fire in front of everyone right now. you felt the shift, and you heard the whispers of you being out throned. and what made this whole situation worse was that stupid charm that he offered you with, "im glad to be in physics with you." a lie.

a damn lie.

and you couldn't help but hate him for it every day, every higher mark, every time he got called on, and every time he smiled at you in the mornings or in the hallways thinking you two were still friends.

it didn't help that everyone practically loved him. girls slipped their numbers to him every other day, even undergraduates which you found disgusting. he did everything so effortless while you stayed up until 2 am re-reading lessons, burning through notebooks, killing your pens, and even pulling all nighters like kay chung for important upcoming exams, mistreating your body with more caffeine than you could handle to try and claw your way back up the top.

until eventually you burnt out.

you ignored every 'hello' coming from him or any stupid joke he'd come up with, you settled on a different seat away from him not having the guts to stare at him be better than you for another second. not while he thrived and you crumbled.

and it was like you were back at home, always being seen as the second option right after your brother. a man. of course the second you feel like you are finally worthy of something, someone has to take it away from you. but why now? why after two years in which you spent trying to escape that feeling, was everything going downhill? you weren't even sure if he was even aware of the harm he was causing you mentally and physically.

that he was undoing you without even trying.

but he did notice. he noticed how you stopped talking to him, saying hello or laughing at his jokes or even avoiding his gaze like if it would burn your eyes if you made eye contact, and it hurt because you were practically his only friend other than a boy he met in his calculus class. suguru geto, aka his 'man in the chair.' he always alarmed satoru discreetly whenever there was a bank robbery happening down the street. because not only was satoru now holding the title of the top student of nyu, but he was also the hero of manhattan.

"spiderman makes an unwanted appearance again last night," the news reporter said with her voice being more sharper than the bold lettering on the headline scrolling beneath her, "at a secluded alley near the 'sunny time up' bar, involving a man attempting to steal one of the employee's vehicle."

click.

"when will this vigilante wake up and realize that this job is for law enforcement"

click.

"he's a danger to the people of manhattan! this isn't a comic book, he's interfering with police work!"

every time you clicked on the remote to change channels, spiderman was everywhere. for someone the people claim to hate, he sure is the talk of the week.

"dude is like time square on new years.." you mumbled mostly to yourself.

"my father hates him." your roommate, wendy's father is the head of the police department. he's always complaining about he boy who hides away behind the blue mask, claiming that he is causing more trouble in the busy city. you gave a dry laugh. "your father hates everyone, including me" she sat on your bed next to you, holding a bag of chips in her hand which she offered you.

"I dont see why it's such a big deal. he does more than the police has done in the past five years. he's like what? our age? from what I have heard he is definitely not beyond his twenties." you stared at the video of him swinging across buildings, the sharp blue color of his suit making it hard to lose sight of him.

the color reminded you of satoru's eyes.

your mood suddenly shifted as you thought of him, your appetite was long gone as your stomach twisted in disgust. "how are you holding up with the whole academic rivalry thing."

"shut up." you grumbled.

"I feel like it's one sided, well from what i've heard from you." wendy's voice was quiet, but her words stung. because deep down, you have told yourself the same thing.

"its like he doesn't even try." you dragged your hand across your face as you stared at the textbooks on your desk before they shifted to the calendar right above it. 455 more days.

454 more days.

453 more days.

452 more days.

451 more days.

450 more days.

another school week has passed by. another week of avoiding his intense stare across the lecture hall. another week of hearing him laugh with that black haired boy that had way too many piercings on his face. another week of debating if anything was even worth it anymore.

you looked back up to your calendar, staring at that number written beneath the date. 450 more days until graduation! you got this! how many more days until everything will stop feeling so heavy.

how many more until you stopped caring.

but its like you couldn't even catch a break. your negative thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of your phone. you slowly dragged it out your back pocket before looking down at the called id.

mom.

you couldn't answer. not with your voice cracking or tears falling. you couldn't let them know that you were struggling the same way you were all your childhood and you especially couldn't give them that sense of pride in the way you were burning out. how could you tell them the pressure didn't go away but it only shifted from different mouths in different places. you couldn't handle hearing, "I told you so."

'just stay in state, I dont see why you have to move all the way to the other side of the world. you won't be able to handle it like your brother.'

'your brother stayed here in the same state, why can't you do the same? he visits us regularly!..'

shaking away the echoes of your parents voices, you watched the slow rise and fall of wendy's chest, and you quietly zipped up your jacket before sneaking out. fresh air was what you needed right now. it hit you like a reset button- the kind that clears your head. not caring where your feet took you, you made your way through the city.

the night was still alive, buildings lit up, parties at every corner you looked at, and other people walking as well. it did feel refreshing. until you heard it. a sharp, disgusting wolf whistle behind you. it was low and mocking. the city is big, its bound to have horrible beings. your steps didn't stop, your stomach twisted and you felt sick.

"hey where are you goin' sweetheart? you look delicious." the slurred voice behind you said. you didn't even have to look back to know what kind of man it was. your pace quickened, trying to reach a store or anything that had some sort of crowd. but the footsteps behind you didn't stop, they matched your speed and quickened.

this was exactly what your brother warned you about. being in such. huge city will only be more dangerous. you felt your throat drying up and you looked down at your shadows, seeing the mans hand reach for you. but before even his fingers could brush against you, a blur of blue and white appeared. there was a soft thud, a groan, then silence.

you slowly turned.

"hey," spiderman said calmly shooting a web right on the strangers face. "she's not interested." the man stumbled back, letting out a muffled yelp, fear overthrowing whatever he was on. he didn't even budge. your heart was still racing as you took in his muscular figure. and then he turned to face you. ".. now what are you doing outside at night, hm?" his voice shifted into a much softer one, like he was talking to a kid. you wanted to talk but you couldn't get a word out as you felt the heaviness in your throat as well as the weight you've been carrying from the past few months.

the way he stood was so familiar. "im sorry.." is all you could get out, you soft voice quivered which immediately sent his senses off. "hey, hey its alright why are you apologizing?" his large hands cupped your cheeks. despite them being gloved, they were warm and comforting. his thumbs swept under your eyes wiping away any incoming tears. "why are you apologizing?"

"I dont know.." you answered honestly. but the ache of not being enough was resurfacing. he let out a quiet breath at your answer. "thats okay.. you dont have to explain." his hands didn't move away from your face, in fact you found yourself leaning into his touch.

"let me take you home." he whispered. "..I live at the nyu dorms"

he nodded before dropping his hands to grab the back of your knees without any warning, picking you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. "hold on baby, okay?" your tired mind couldn't even process the pet name before allowing your arms to wrap around his neck, placing your head in the crook of it as well.

without another word, he laughed upward, shooting a web into the sky. the loud roaring of the wind as you both swung across building from building deafened your ears. gravity tugged at your stomach with every sharp dip and rise. you unknowingly shook in his hold, the hand that was holding you rubbed your back before settling to cupping the side of your thigh, dangerously close to your ass. "its okay, I got you."

his hand and feet stuck to the side of the dormitory building. "which dorm is yours angel?"

angel

that pet name reminded you of satoru. why is it that the smallest things reminded you of him? why does your mind insist in continuing to think about him. "... that one." you pointed to the window just two floors up and to the side, in which he crawled to, tightening his hold your plush thigh. he carefully slid the window open, crawling in.

"we're here.." he could barely get out before the soft click of a lamp lit up the room, revealing wendy who was staring at the both of you, holding onto each other rather intimately. your arms were still wrapped around his neck while his leg was pressed right in between yours, in the middle of placing you down.

your eyes widened as you stared back at wendy. "you're awake.." you whispered.

"you're with spiderman.." she stated the obvious. you and him were quiet, the silence louder than you wanted it to as you backed away from him. "I wake up to see you missing, assuming you probably went out to party, only to see you grinding on spider mans leg? oh my dad would hate you even more right now" the masked vigilante cleared his throat, his hand was still placed on your waist, not wanting to completely let go of you yet.

"I should.. get going." he murmured, before looking at you, not wendy. and behind the mask, you swore that for whatever reason he didn't want to leave.

"oh.. yeah uhm thank you, have I thanked you yet? whatever just.. thanks for everything." you stammered, scratching the back of your neck. with one final lingering squeeze on your waist, he pulled away. "any time." he then turned back to wendy. "can you tell your dad to stop trying to tase me?"

"nope." she furrowed her eyebrows.

"..worth a shot. take good care of your friend for me yeah?" he asked before leaving through the window, allowing the city to take him back. wendy's head sharply turned to look at you.

"what..?"

she blinked, once and twice and thrice. "you've got a lot of explaining to do." she grinned.

── .✦

"you just come back from patrolling?" suguru asked as his fingers moved quickly on his controller letting out a few curse words when his opponent did damage on him. "yeah.." satoru closed the window behind him, tugging off his mask letting his white locks spread out, making him look like a model. he threw it on his bed, making his was deeper into his apartment. "you can't just use my pc whenever you want to man." he grumbled as he watched suguru get a victory royale.

"hey, if im helping you out on your little 'hero' shit, I can play whenever the hell I want."

satoru undressed, pulling up some grey sweatpants, but staying shirtless. scars adorned his torso and chest. "guess who I ran into."

"uhh that crazy police guy that tried tasing you."

satoru shivered at the memory. "no thank god. it was y/n." suguru clicked off the game turning his full attention to his friend. "the chick you like?" the blue eyed boy nodded. "saved her from some drunk shit, took everything in me not to kill that bastard after seeing her cry."

"what happened then?"

"took her back to her dorm.. met her roommate as well. turns out she's the daughter of the head of the police department. anyways, y/n looks horrible.. like there's something going on with her."

"yeah its you. you stole away her spot of top student." suguru reminded him. "I didn't mean to!" satoru defended himself.

"her friend for sure is going to spread around the fact that she saw y/n with spiderman. talk to her about it." satoru thought about it. if he asked you if everything was okay with you after last night, maybe you'll start talking to him again.

one thing about wendy is that she can't keep anything to herself. suguru was right, your encounter with spiderman spread like wildfire. like full blown social media wildfire. your name was brought up in multiple group chats, tweets, even those dumb confession accounts on instagram.

"SPIDERMANS GOT A GIRLFRIEND LMFAOOO"

"yall hear y/n slept with spiderman?"

"what do they call baby spiders?"

you were speeding past everyone, heart racing like you were in a heist movie making your way to your next class before you were stopped. "hey.." the familiar voice cut through the air. satoru. "heard what happened last night.. everything okay?" he asked, noticing how thin your wrists were.

was this another one of his acts? "yeah.." you mumbled. "everything fine." you tried brushing it off but he wasn't having it. he raised an eyebrow before his hand placed right on your waist, the same spot spider mans hand was on. "talk to me. you ghosted me weeks ago.. did I say something or do something?"

dont act so innocent, you thought. of course he did something. "physics is just,, stressing me out I guess." which was partially true. his eyes travelled down your face, looking at your lips before his tongue darted out to lick his. "let me help you then."

despite the hatred you held for your rival, you missed him. sure you only talked a few times, but you missed talking to him, his dumb jokes and his dorky smile. "..okay" you agreed. "maybe later this week." and for the first time in what felt like forever, your chest felt light.

── .✦

your classes were finally over. with your bag placed over your shoulder, you made your way outside after deciding to pick up some sweet treats for both you and wendy, who you were still kind of annoyed at for spreading around your encounter with spiderman. you reached the warm welcoming bakery, picking out whatever looked delicious, chocolate cover croissants, blueberry muffins, and a few cream puffs before making your way to check out. the second you stepped out, the rain decided to make an appearance. one that you weren't prepared for.

you clutched onto the bag full of treats.

"you again?" the voice came from above you. you looked up, moving your dripping wet hair to get a closer look. there he was, perched upside down from a streetlight. "..here to save me from the rain?" you asked half jokingly. he hummed, flipping down to land right in front of you. "of course baby. wouldn't want you to get sick.."

his arms wrapped around your waist before shooting a web straight up the roof of the bakery, pulling you both off the ground. you let out a little yelp holding onto both him and the pastry bag. seconds later you both were outside the window of your dorm, before he effortlessly opened it up placing you on your bed. your shirt rose up a little exposing your cute little spiderman boxers.

"is that me?" he asked tracing the waistband that had his heroine name in bold letters. your breath hitched. you completely forgot about those, or even buying them let alone wearing them today. both you and wendy went shopping a couple days back, going into the kids section and jokingly buying each a pair of spiderman undies.

'hey you should wear these to thank him.' she snorted

'eat shit.'

your hand shot out to push his away, chuckling nervously. "okay thats enough.." but he was faster, he grabbed your wrist forcing it to be on your mattress before his other gloved hand tugged up his mask enough to expose his mouth. his jawline was sharp, and those pink lips.. your eyes widened as you looked up at him. "ah.. spiderman?" he brought said hand up to his mouth, his teeth pulling off his glove before spitting it out somewhere else.

"nah.. let me see this." he pulled up your shirt, showing off your midriff, as well as pulling your pants down to your knees. "mm yeah thats me alright.." you felt your heart pounding in your ears. his tongue darted out to lick your stomach.

"spider-man..!" you gasped. he looked up at you, wanting to savor this moment. as if he wanted to memorize this exact version of you.

"never thought I'd be someones fashion statement." he moaned as he saw the wet patch starting to form. his thumb placed itself right on it. "this alright..?" he wanted you bad, but he also wanted you to be okay with this. you nodded looking up at him with a look that just drove him crazy.

his rubbing continued before he pulled away pulling down just the lower half of his suit. "its hard as hell to hide my dick in this shit." he grumbled.

oh.

oh.

he was huge. like really, really big and heavy, it couldn't even stand up correctly. he fisted his cock a few times, watching his pre- cum ooze out before placing it right on your clothed cunt. you wrapped your legs around his torso, bringing him closer in. "thats it." he groaned slowly rocking into you. your body shook with every hump of his hips, the wet patch in your spidey briefs grew bigger. his hands traveled throughout your body, hot and rough as two fingers found their way into your mouth, forcing you to lick them. "good girl, get them nice and wet for me baby."

his voice was low and dripping with arousal. he brought his head closer to your face. you whimpered softly as your hands tugged at his suit, your legs that were still wrapped around him trembled. "wearing these and you expect me not to ruin you?" he moaned as he dipped a finger into the pouch that every boxer had, feeling how much you wanted him. the two fingers that were toying with your tongue left with a loud pop before his lips found yours in a sweet but messy kiss.

just before he could release his hot seed onto you, there was a knock at the door.

"y/nnnn! let me in I forgot my keys!" damn wendy. spiderman sighed pecking your lips one more time before he pulled back, sliding down his mask. he reached for the glove he threw away as well as his lower part of his suit. "ill be taking these as well.." he murmured ripping off your briefs, which had you cringing at the sound, exposing your cunt to the cold air. "ill see you around okay, darling? thank you for this, such an angel."

and with that he left. leaving you with no release and nothing covering your lower half.

"y/n!" wendy knocked again.

"coming!"

oh you wish you were.

[windixie]

500 days of you ── .✦ spiderman! gojo x reader ch. 1

pairing . academic rivals spiderman! gojo x reader

summary ⊹ ࣪ ˖ being at the top of your class for the past few years has not been a problem for you at all, that is until he transfers in, stealing away your spot with his genius intellect and annoyingly good 4.5 gpa, better than your 4.0, all while wearing that stupid grin you just want to punch off. what's worse is he also happens to be the cities hero, in who you fall in love with, unknowing to who was under the blue mask.

warnings ˎˊ˗ college au, academic rivals to lovers, eventual smut, gojo is a pervert, panty

stealing, dry humping, a bit of angst, hurt/comfort, sexual harassment, toxic relationship with family, unhealthy diet, fluff, set in new york like any other spiderman, female reader, p in v, oral, reader is a virgin, violence, gojo is full of himself, webs used.. inappropriately.

playlist ⟢ 500 days of you

wc . 5.4k

a/n . yes the title is based on 500 days of summer i was watching it while writing ..

500 days is all you have left until you graduate. according to your calendar that you have self made, placed neatly beside your bed so you could cross each day as it passes with your pink highlighter, you have exactly two years. today, december 20, marks your first day of long awaited winter break in which you desperately needed after enduring what you believe was the worlds hardest final exam for your humanized and social science class.

your roommate has decided to take this time to go visit her family back at her hometown, to spend a few days with her family wrapped in a comforting warm and cozy atmosphere alongside whatever her family provides. but you chose to stay behind, not that you had anymore exams to finish up or anything, but because going back to see your family, if you could even call them one, wasn't even an option. your relationship with them wasn't abusive or anything, just strained, always putting your brother's needs before yours. that's part why you picked the farthest college you could away from them, an entire different timezone.

you wouldn't call it running away, because that implies fear, you'd just call it more of a extraction. a nice and peaceful separation. sure, they reach out once in a while, but you always come up with excuses on the spot to end the call early. they barely knew that much about you, hell, they didn't even know which college you were going to even your plan in majoring in physics until a month before you left.

nyu is a beautiful campus, not traditional in any way, it bleeds right into the city. any spot there would be perfect to study, and well you didn't have anything to do for the next two weeks so a little studying before the next semester even starts. so with that you made your way over to your locker which was a brief fifteen minute walk away from your dorm.

you don't mind the walk, no rush, no crowds. the usual buzz of students chirping has died down. its not a eerily type of quiet, its peaceful. the faint sound of your footsteps echoed throughout the almost empty hallway. reaching your neatly decorated locker, you opened it unaware of the person right next to you, the door swung right into them.

"shit-"

your eyes widened as you saw the persons books fall right out their hands.

"oh my god im so sorry! I didn't see you there!" you immediately crouched down to pick of the several textbooks, most of them being physics for semester two. it wouldn't be a surprise if the owner of these books would be in the same class as you. "its alright" the mysterious person chuckled as they took away the books from your hands.

your eyes widened as they landed on them. or him, actually. he had beautiful bright blue eyes that for sure held every secret of the ocean, and snowy white hair that resembled the snow that was falling right outside. you couldn't even get a word out.

"im Satoru." he said, waiting for you to give your name to him.

"right.. right. I mean- im y/n." you stumbled across your words. he gave you a crooked smile, almost naturally as he saw you stutter. his hands now itched onto his heavy physics books, tilting his head as he studied you. "you have any idea where mr. thompson's class is?" his smooth voice asked. mr. thompson. thats the name of your physics teacher.

"yeah! yeah he's my physics teacher!" that came out a bit more excited than you intended it to. "yeah? mind being an angel and leading me to it?"

you laughed softly, hoping the light pink tint on your cheeks weren't noticed by him. oh but they were. the awkward tension melted right away. "of course."

he didn't mind the blush, and the way his smile widened told you that he definitely noticed your blushing, but he didn't say anything about it, instead allowing you to show him the way around the campus. he fell into step beside you recalling how you as well had this course. "so.." he broke the silence, "you actually understand physics are you just one of those people who pretend to know what you're doing?"

you shook your head laughing a bit as your gaze fell down to your shoes against the pavement. "no, no I understand. im majoring in it so I kind of have to. but it honestly depends on the day, sometimes I feel like the textbook is gaslighting me" now it was his turn to let out a laugh. and it sounded genuine. "thats great. back at my old uni, people were only there for the credits or whatever. no one was really as passionate as I am." you gaze shifted to him. "oh, which school did you transfer from?"

"colombia university."

"is the lack of people taking physics seriously the reason for your transfer?" you asked half jokingly, but you wouldn't be surprised if that actually was the reason, you knew some people like that.

he sucked in a soft breath, eyes flickering from your figure to look forward. "no I just.. wanted a different environment I guess." there was a bit of hesitation in his voice, but you didn't push it. after all you just met this boy not even five minutes ago. you both finally reached mr. thompson's classroom, his door slightly ajar. "he should be in here.. he always is., im convinced he lives in there"

he hummed looking into the classroom, catching a glimpse of the bald headed man hunched over a stack of papers before looking down at you. "thank you, y/n. I hope we see each other in uh two weeks?" the way he said your name sent your butterflies on a rollercoaster.

"yeah.. yeah I hope so too." you said quietly which earned a sweet smile from him before he walked in to talk about whatever he needed to with the professor. with one final look at the door you turned, only to remember you didn't even grab your books, let alone close your locker which was the whole point you came out of your dorm. you quickly rushed back with the thought of the new student lingering in the back of your mind.

── .✦

in the blink of an eye, the break was over, and the dreadful second semester rolled right around the corner. the traumatizing sound of your alarm that was set at 7 on the dot woke you up for your 9 am physics class, slicing through the silence and especially your slumber.

you groaned, clicking repeatedly at your phone to shut the ear piercing sound off. for a second, you considered skipping. but you knew mr. thompson doesn't play no games, and neither did that syllabus. so you dragged yourself out of your bed, limbs heavy, and mind still foggy as you began to miss the warmth provided by your bed. the sky outside was still that dusty gray, soft flakes falling right out of it.

after making yourself a cup of coffee, you brushed out your hair to be somewhat socially acceptable. you were the top student of the school either way, you had to be presentable at all times. you threw on a jacket and a cute pair of pants before making your way out of your dorm, holding envy for your roommate for not having a morning class.

by the time you reached the lecture hall, well your body because your soul was still trapped in between your blankets, you noticed that you werent there first one there like always. your eyes landed on him.

satoru.

he was seated right there at the front of the class, his posture was excellent, back straight, shoulders relaxed, giving you another reason to like about him. his eyes were trained on his phone, with his earbuds blasting whatever he was listening to in his ears. but they shifted as you walked in, and when your eyes met, a soft smile appeared on his pink tinted lips making your chest feel just a little too full.

maybe the second semester didn't seem so dreadful at all.

"hey.." he took out an earbud out of his ear as you approached, sliding in the seat right next to him. "hi" you replied, placing your bag next to you. "glad we're in this class together. haven't really met anyone else since we talked."

"that so? not even your roommate?" you unconsciously fixed your hair to try and maybe woo him with your beauty. "oh actually i'm living in an apartment" your hand stopped playing with your hair.

"an apartment? in New York? the school is already bleeding us dry.. what are you, rich or something?"

that earned a chuckle from him, a quiet one that made your stomach flip. "yeah.. sure." he had a grin on his face, making you question if it was a joke or not. you both watched as more seats filled up with new and old students. but everyone was eventually startled when mr. thomspon walked in and slammed a textbook onto his desk.

"well I'd like to say im disappointed from last semesters final exam results." he began, a hint of amusement in his voice, "but id be lying."

a beat of silence.

"im proud to say that everyone passed." a relieved sigh escaped almost everyones mouths, echoing across the room. "and of course, ms. l/n, miss goody two shoes," you placed a hand on your chest in mock offense making satoru sniffle a laugh next to you. "you got the highest mark, like every year." he grumbled. "im starting to think you're just here to make everyone else feel bad about their grades."

"only slightly." you muttered under your breath, loud enough for satoru to hear. he turned a bit towards you. "lets see how long you stay up there, miss top of the class, until I snatch your spot."

you stared at him while he turned back to face the front. he was just joking right? I mean no one could steal away your spot. no one has for the past two years, and no one will. right?

── .✦

oh but you were wrong. oh so so so wrong.

this boy wasn't your new friend. he was your rival, like his whole existence was to take away everything you've worked hard for. he wasn't your soon to be charming lab partner or the cute guy you'd hang out with at a local cafe after class.

he was your academic nemesis.

it didn't hit you right away. not until the first quiz given to the class was passed back in which you got a 97% on. but once you saw a fucking 100% on satoru's paper circled in a horrid red ink, thats when it hit you. and the cherry on top was when mr. thompson grinned and leaned down to whisper, "looks like you've got competition." you stared at satoru like he had just murdered your family, not that you minded, but in a way he murdered your entire existence.

he looked at the paper, like he didn't even care that he passed, because to him this was normal. he caught your expression and was confused to see that the usual soft look on your pretty face was now replaced with pure wrath.

this wasn't just 480 days of school anymore.

this was war.

every time you raised your hand to answer a question, it was always outshined by satorus. damn him and his longer limbs. and every time, the professor would call on him.

every. single. time.

you even considered this being sexist. then satoru would answer correctly, of course. damn mr. thompson for finding this whole rivalry hilarious. like if your whole identity as "the smart one" wasn't practically being lit on fire in front of everyone right now. you felt the shift, and you heard the whispers of you being out throned. and what made this whole situation worse was that stupid charm that he offered you with, "im glad to be in physics with you." a lie.

a damn lie.

and you couldn't help but hate him for it every day, every higher mark, every time he got called on, and every time he smiled at you in the mornings or in the hallways thinking you two were still friends.

it didn't help that everyone practically loved him. girls slipped their numbers to him every other day, even undergraduates which you found disgusting. he did everything so effortless while you stayed up until 2 am re-reading lessons, burning through notebooks, killing your pens, and even pulling all nighters like kay chung for important upcoming exams, mistreating your body with more caffeine than you could handle to try and claw your way back up the top.

until eventually you burnt out.

you ignored every 'hello' coming from him or any stupid joke he'd come up with, you settled on a different seat away from him not having the guts to stare at him be better than you for another second. not while he thrived and you crumbled.

and it was like you were back at home, always being seen as the second option right after your brother. a man. of course the second you feel like you are finally worthy of something, someone has to take it away from you. but why now? why after two years in which you spent trying to escape that feeling, was everything going downhill? you weren't even sure if he was even aware of the harm he was causing you mentally and physically.

that he was undoing you without even trying.

but he did notice. he noticed how you stopped talking to him, saying hello or laughing at his jokes or even avoiding his gaze like if it would burn your eyes if you made eye contact, and it hurt because you were practically his only friend other than a boy he met in his calculus class. suguru geto, aka his 'man in the chair.' he always alarmed satoru discreetly whenever there was a bank robbery happening down the street. because not only was satoru now holding the title of the top student of nyu, but he was also the hero of manhattan.

"spiderman makes an unwanted appearance again last night," the news reporter said with her voice being more sharper than the bold lettering on the headline scrolling beneath her, "at a secluded alley near the 'sunny time up' bar, involving a man attempting to steal one of the employee's vehicle."

click.

"when will this vigilante wake up and realize that this job is for law enforcement"

click.

"he's a danger to the people of manhattan! this isn't a comic book, he's interfering with police work!"

every time you clicked on the remote to change channels, spiderman was everywhere. for someone the people claim to hate, he sure is the talk of the week.

"dude is like time square on new years.." you mumbled mostly to yourself.

"my father hates him." your roommate, wendy's father is the head of the police department. he's always complaining about he boy who hides away behind the blue mask, claiming that he is causing more trouble in the busy city. you gave a dry laugh. "your father hates everyone, including me" she sat on your bed next to you, holding a bag of chips in her hand which she offered you.

"I dont see why it's such a big deal. he does more than the police has done in the past five years. he's like what? our age? from what I have heard he is definitely not beyond his twenties." you stared at the video of him swinging across buildings, the sharp blue color of his suit making it hard to lose sight of him.

the color reminded you of satoru's eyes.

your mood suddenly shifted as you thought of him, your appetite was long gone as your stomach twisted in disgust. "how are you holding up with the whole academic rivalry thing."

"shut up." you grumbled.

"I feel like it's one sided, well from what i've heard from you." wendy's voice was quiet, but her words stung. because deep down, you have told yourself the same thing.

"its like he doesn't even try." you dragged your hand across your face as you stared at the textbooks on your desk before they shifted to the calendar right above it. 455 more days.

454 more days.

453 more days.

452 more days.

451 more days.

450 more days.

another school week has passed by. another week of avoiding his intense stare across the lecture hall. another week of hearing him laugh with that black haired boy that had way too many piercings on his face. another week of debating if anything was even worth it anymore.

you looked back up to your calendar, staring at that number written beneath the date. 450 more days until graduation! you got this! how many more days until everything will stop feeling so heavy.

how many more until you stopped caring.

but its like you couldn't even catch a break. your negative thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of your phone. you slowly dragged it out your back pocket before looking down at the called id.

mom.

you couldn't answer. not with your voice cracking or tears falling. you couldn't let them know that you were struggling the same way you were all your childhood and you especially couldn't give them that sense of pride in the way you were burning out. how could you tell them the pressure didn't go away but it only shifted from different mouths in different places. you couldn't handle hearing, "I told you so."

'just stay in state, I dont see why you have to move all the way to the other side of the world. you won't be able to handle it like your brother.'

'your brother stayed here in the same state, why can't you do the same? he visits us regularly!..'

shaking away the echoes of your parents voices, you watched the slow rise and fall of wendy's chest, and you quietly zipped up your jacket before sneaking out. fresh air was what you needed right now. it hit you like a reset button- the kind that clears your head. not caring where your feet took you, you made your way through the city.

the night was still alive, buildings lit up, parties at every corner you looked at, and other people walking as well. it did feel refreshing. until you heard it. a sharp, disgusting wolf whistle behind you. it was low and mocking. the city is big, its bound to have horrible beings. your steps didn't stop, your stomach twisted and you felt sick.

"hey where are you goin' sweetheart? you look delicious." the slurred voice behind you said. you didn't even have to look back to know what kind of man it was. your pace quickened, trying to reach a store or anything that had some sort of crowd. but the footsteps behind you didn't stop, they matched your speed and quickened.

this was exactly what your brother warned you about. being in such. huge city will only be more dangerous. you felt your throat drying up and you looked down at your shadows, seeing the mans hand reach for you. but before even his fingers could brush against you, a blur of blue and white appeared. there was a soft thud, a groan, then silence.

you slowly turned.

"hey," spiderman said calmly shooting a web right on the strangers face. "she's not interested." the man stumbled back, letting out a muffled yelp, fear overthrowing whatever he was on. he didn't even budge. your heart was still racing as you took in his muscular figure. and then he turned to face you. ".. now what are you doing outside at night, hm?" his voice shifted into a much softer one, like he was talking to a kid. you wanted to talk but you couldn't get a word out as you felt the heaviness in your throat as well as the weight you've been carrying from the past few months.

the way he stood was so familiar. "im sorry.." is all you could get out, you soft voice quivered which immediately sent his senses off. "hey, hey its alright why are you apologizing?" his large hands cupped your cheeks. despite them being gloved, they were warm and comforting. his thumbs swept under your eyes wiping away any incoming tears. "why are you apologizing?"

"I dont know.." you answered honestly. but the ache of not being enough was resurfacing. he let out a quiet breath at your answer. "thats okay.. you dont have to explain." his hands didn't move away from your face, in fact you found yourself leaning into his touch.

"let me take you home." he whispered. "..I live at the nyu dorms"

he nodded before dropping his hands to grab the back of your knees without any warning, picking you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. "hold on baby, okay?" your tired mind couldn't even process the pet name before allowing your arms to wrap around his neck, placing your head in the crook of it as well.

without another word, he laughed upward, shooting a web into the sky. the loud roaring of the wind as you both swung across building from building deafened your ears. gravity tugged at your stomach with every sharp dip and rise. you unknowingly shook in his hold, the hand that was holding you rubbed your back before settling to cupping the side of your thigh, dangerously close to your ass. "its okay, I got you."

his hand and feet stuck to the side of the dormitory building. "which dorm is yours angel?"

angel

that pet name reminded you of satoru. why is it that the smallest things reminded you of him? why does your mind insist in continuing to think about him. "... that one." you pointed to the window just two floors up and to the side, in which he crawled to, tightening his hold your plush thigh. he carefully slid the window open, crawling in.

"we're here.." he could barely get out before the soft click of a lamp lit up the room, revealing wendy who was staring at the both of you, holding onto each other rather intimately. your arms were still wrapped around his neck while his leg was pressed right in between yours, in the middle of placing you down.

your eyes widened as you stared back at wendy. "you're awake.." you whispered.

"you're with spiderman.." she stated the obvious. you and him were quiet, the silence louder than you wanted it to as you backed away from him. "I wake up to see you missing, assuming you probably went out to party, only to see you grinding on spider mans leg? oh my dad would hate you even more right now" the masked vigilante cleared his throat, his hand was still placed on your waist, not wanting to completely let go of you yet.

"I should.. get going." he murmured, before looking at you, not wendy. and behind the mask, you swore that for whatever reason he didn't want to leave.

"oh.. yeah uhm thank you, have I thanked you yet? whatever just.. thanks for everything." you stammered, scratching the back of your neck. with one final lingering squeeze on your waist, he pulled away. "any time." he then turned back to wendy. "can you tell your dad to stop trying to tase me?"

"nope." she furrowed her eyebrows.

"..worth a shot. take good care of your friend for me yeah?" he asked before leaving through the window, allowing the city to take him back. wendy's head sharply turned to look at you.

"what..?"

she blinked, once and twice and thrice. "you've got a lot of explaining to do." she grinned.

── .✦

"you just come back from patrolling?" suguru asked as his fingers moved quickly on his controller letting out a few curse words when his opponent did damage on him. "yeah.." satoru closed the window behind him, tugging off his mask letting his white locks spread out, making him look like a model. he threw it on his bed, making his was deeper into his apartment. "you can't just use my pc whenever you want to man." he grumbled as he watched suguru get a victory royale.

"hey, if im helping you out on your little 'hero' shit, I can play whenever the hell I want."

satoru undressed, pulling up some grey sweatpants, but staying shirtless. scars adorned his torso and chest. "guess who I ran into."

"uhh that crazy police guy that tried tasing you."

satoru shivered at the memory. "no thank god. it was y/n." suguru clicked off the game turning his full attention to his friend. "the chick you like?" the blue eyed boy nodded. "saved her from some drunk shit, took everything in me not to kill that bastard after seeing her cry."

"what happened then?"

"took her back to her dorm.. met her roommate as well. turns out she's the daughter of the head of the police department. anyways, y/n looks horrible.. like there's something going on with her."

"yeah its you. you stole away her spot of top student." suguru reminded him. "I didn't mean to!" satoru defended himself.

"her friend for sure is going to spread around the fact that she saw y/n with spiderman. talk to her about it." satoru thought about it. if he asked you if everything was okay with you after last night, maybe you'll start talking to him again.

one thing about wendy is that she can't keep anything to herself. suguru was right, your encounter with spiderman spread like wildfire. like full blown social media wildfire. your name was brought up in multiple group chats, tweets, even those dumb confession accounts on instagram.

"SPIDERMANS GOT A GIRLFRIEND LMFAOOO"

"yall hear y/n slept with spiderman?"

"what do they call baby spiders?"

you were speeding past everyone, heart racing like you were in a heist movie making your way to your next class before you were stopped. "hey.." the familiar voice cut through the air. satoru. "heard what happened last night.. everything okay?" he asked, noticing how thin your wrists were.

was this another one of his acts? "yeah.." you mumbled. "everything fine." you tried brushing it off but he wasn't having it. he raised an eyebrow before his hand placed right on your waist, the same spot spider mans hand was on. "talk to me. you ghosted me weeks ago.. did I say something or do something?"

dont act so innocent, you thought. of course he did something. "physics is just,, stressing me out I guess." which was partially true. his eyes travelled down your face, looking at your lips before his tongue darted out to lick his. "let me help you then."

despite the hatred you held for your rival, you missed him. sure you only talked a few times, but you missed talking to him, his dumb jokes and his dorky smile. "..okay" you agreed. "maybe later this week." and for the first time in what felt like forever, your chest felt light.

── .✦

your classes were finally over. with your bag placed over your shoulder, you made your way outside after deciding to pick up some sweet treats for both you and wendy, who you were still kind of annoyed at for spreading around your encounter with spiderman. you reached the warm welcoming bakery, picking out whatever looked delicious, chocolate cover croissants, blueberry muffins, and a few cream puffs before making your way to check out. the second you stepped out, the rain decided to make an appearance. one that you weren't prepared for.

you clutched onto the bag full of treats.

"you again?" the voice came from above you. you looked up, moving your dripping wet hair to get a closer look. there he was, perched upside down from a streetlight. "..here to save me from the rain?" you asked half jokingly. he hummed, flipping down to land right in front of you. "of course baby. wouldn't want you to get sick.."

his arms wrapped around your waist before shooting a web straight up the roof of the bakery, pulling you both off the ground. you let out a little yelp holding onto both him and the pastry bag. seconds later you both were outside the window of your dorm, before he effortlessly opened it up placing you on your bed. your shirt rose up a little exposing your cute little spiderman boxers.

"is that me?" he asked tracing the waistband that had his heroine name in bold letters. your breath hitched. you completely forgot about those, or even buying them let alone wearing them today. both you and wendy went shopping a couple days back, going into the kids section and jokingly buying each a pair of spiderman undies.

'hey you should wear these to thank him.' she snorted

'eat shit.'

your hand shot out to push his away, chuckling nervously. "okay thats enough.." but he was faster, he grabbed your wrist forcing it to be on your mattress before his other gloved hand tugged up his mask enough to expose his mouth. his jawline was sharp, and those pink lips.. your eyes widened as you looked up at him. "ah.. spiderman?" he brought said hand up to his mouth, his teeth pulling off his glove before spitting it out somewhere else.

"nah.. let me see this." he pulled up your shirt, showing off your midriff, as well as pulling your pants down to your knees. "mm yeah thats me alright.." you felt your heart pounding in your ears. his tongue darted out to lick your stomach.

"spider-man..!" you gasped. he looked up at you, wanting to savor this moment. as if he wanted to memorize this exact version of you.

"never thought I'd be someones fashion statement." he moaned as he saw the wet patch starting to form. his thumb placed itself right on it. "this alright..?" he wanted you bad, but he also wanted you to be okay with this. you nodded looking up at him with a look that just drove him crazy.

his rubbing continued before he pulled away pulling down just the lower half of his suit. "its hard as hell to hide my dick in this shit." he grumbled.

oh.

oh.

he was huge. like really, really big and heavy, it couldn't even stand up correctly. he fisted his cock a few times, watching his pre- cum ooze out before placing it right on your clothed cunt. you wrapped your legs around his torso, bringing him closer in. "thats it." he groaned slowly rocking into you. your body shook with every hump of his hips, the wet patch in your spidey briefs grew bigger. his hands traveled throughout your body, hot and rough as two fingers found their way into your mouth, forcing you to lick them. "good girl, get them nice and wet for me baby."

his voice was low and dripping with arousal. he brought his head closer to your face. you whimpered softly as your hands tugged at his suit, your legs that were still wrapped around him trembled. "wearing these and you expect me not to ruin you?" he moaned as he dipped a finger into the pouch that every boxer had, feeling how much you wanted him. the two fingers that were toying with your tongue left with a loud pop before his lips found yours in a sweet but messy kiss.

just before he could release his hot seed onto you, there was a knock at the door.

"y/nnnn! let me in I forgot my keys!" damn wendy. spiderman sighed pecking your lips one more time before he pulled back, sliding down his mask. he reached for the glove he threw away as well as his lower part of his suit. "ill be taking these as well.." he murmured ripping off your briefs, which had you cringing at the sound, exposing your cunt to the cold air. "ill see you around okay, darling? thank you for this, such an angel."

and with that he left. leaving you with no release and nothing covering your lower half.

"y/n!" wendy knocked again.

"coming!"

oh you wish you were.

ending note . hope you all enjoyed chapter 1 !!

[gracie-eilish]

roommate billie au [pt 3.5] technically a bonus part bc i got excited about a long idea hehe]

warnings: angst if you tilt your head and squint with your glasses off, spicy innuendo/smut like reaction (no smut)

an: update!! it was @bililyy who inspired me!!! go check out her headcanon/blurb combos!! literally such a creative way to write stories/headcanons!! i hope you don’t mind me taking inspiration🥺🩷

roommate!billie, who texted or called you everyday over the winter break.

roommate!billie, who was scared shitless you’d regret the kiss.

roommate!billie, who still wanted to respect your space to figure out your sexuality. and was prepared to love you regardless of what you decided.

billie: if you ever need someone to talk to about it, you know you can talk to me, but i totally get it if you’d rather talk to someone else.

you: billie ur the only one i wanna talk to about this shit. none of my friends back home are gay, and im not this close with anyone else at school so..

billie: well i’m here whenever you need baby. i’m free right now if you wanna ft?

you: not right now. i’m about to go out with my family, but maybe when i get home??

billie: i’ll be here love.

read 6:12pm

roommate!billie, who could feel it… she was so down bad for you. in just a short six months, you had wrapped billie around your little finger.

roommate!billie, who’s family loved you but was sick of hearing about you day in and day out while billie was still home from school.

“i mean i don’t know how she does it,” finneas closed his eyes and sighed, still poking away at the monitor, working on an song of his own. but listened to his little sister gab anyway.

“she’s just so pretty. she always looks so perfect, like hair and makeup done up, cute little outfits, and her perfume, holy shit her perfume, it’s like a drug. i genuinely feel drugged when she sprays it or walks by me. fuck she’s got me under this little spell of hers..”

“billie, i think you need to tell her how you feel. it’s just gonna eat away at you for the rest of the year if you don’t.” billie sat and thought about it for a second.

“but what if she doesn’t feel the same? or what if she decides she’s not gay? then i just have to live with this angelic siren for the rest of the year, pretending not to fall in love with her??”

roommate!billie, who couldn’t sleep the night before move in for the spring semester. she was so excited to see you.

roommate!billie, who didn’t even hug her family goodbye after lunch. just jumped out of their car, calling a goodbye over her shoulder, practically sprinting up the stairs to your little dorm.

roommate!billie, who felt the world stop when she saw the faintest flush on your cheeks when she opened the door. maybe this could work…

roommate!billie, who engulfed you in the softest, warmest hug known to man. it was slow, tight, her thumbs brushing your clothed skin while she breathed in your scent, intoxicating herself on you. above anything else, she was just happy to see her best friend again.

roommate!billie, who trailed behind you like a puppy all day. messing with you while you both unpacked, trailed around the grocery store behind you, watched as you drove back and forth into town and back.

roommate!billie, who suggested having a cozy, movie night in, since classes didn’t start until monday. so you stocked up on snacks, changed into comfy pjs and got settled.

roommate!billie, who set up her new projector she got for christmas while you were in the shower. hanging up a sheet, and projecting it onto the wall next to your bed. she stacked pillows and blankets onto her bed across the room.

“ta-da!” she exclaimed, as you walked out of the bathroom, clad in pjs and a towel around your hair.

“wait shut the fuck up this is so cute!!! did you get this for christmas!” billie nodded proudly from her perch on the small bed.

you two made small talk as you dried your hair enough so it wouldn’t drip, and billie picked a movie out.

roommate!billie, who felt like her heart may beat out of her chest, when you automatically snuggled into her side, letting her wrap an arm around your waist.

roommate!you, who had never felt so safe or cherished in a relationship.. no, friendship.. or.. situationship?? whatever you two were… before.

roommate!billie, who carefully tested the waters, moving her hand to rest on your hip, right where your hoodie and sweatpants met. letting her hand rest for a few, before letting her hand slip under your hoodie to rest on the bare skin of your hip. her heart fluttered when you didn’t move.. just snuggled your head more into her shoulder.

roommate!you, who tried to mask your gasp when you felt billie’s soft fingers resting on your bare hip. you snuggled your head into her shoulder further, hoping to distract from the way you clenched your thighs together masking the wetness starting to drip between them… you’d never felt that before from a relationship..

roommate!billie, who once again, didn’t move a muscle once you had fallen asleep on her shoulder. simply just turning off the projector screen and moving the snack bags away from the two of you.

roommate!billie, who eventually needed to wake you up, as sleeping on your side like that would give you a crick in your neck.

“baby,” she whispered. “baby, i gotta move you or your gonna hurt your neck.”

you simply whined in protest, still barely awake, but not enjoying the movement to your cozy position.

“i know, so sleepy and grumpy,” she cooed, biting back a laugh. “…you wanna stay here?” she closed her eyes bracing herself for rejection.

you nodded against her shoulder. sitting up slightly so billie could lay back. before billie could even lay still, you had flopped down onto billie’s chest leaving her surprised… but melted quickly after. wrapping an arm around your back, while the other threaded into your hair. you sighed sleepily, nuzzling your nose on her neck.

roommate!billie, who checked her phone real quick. the date, january 18th, screamed at her. it wasn’t even the first day of the semester yet and she was falling even harder.

roommate!you, who for the first time in your life didn’t need a eye mask, or air conditioning, or purple humidifier light to sleep. you slept more peaceful than you ever had before that night.

… and so did billie. leaving a kiss to your forehead before drifting off herself.

[pagesfromthevoid]

Imagine teacher!reader and bob grt engaged, and she tells her class.

Bob is able to get his orders pushed to December, so she can finish out the first semester with her class. He feels bad asking her to leave them, but when he suggested she finish out the year and join him in May, she outright refused.

When she returns to work after his return, she’s got a shiny new ring on her left hand. At first, she doesn’t say anything to the kids. She’s trying to figure out how to tell them that not only is she getting married, but she’s moving as well. She’s rolled up with her group from last year; so she’s teaching them as juniors now. And she just knows they’re going to be over the top about the news.

Each class is different but her sixth period is the class that has attachment issues. The ones who call her mom, who eat lunch with her, who need her a little more than her other students. And the other classes take the news with disappointment but understanding; excitement for her engagement.

Sixth period…she’s a bit scared of, honestly.

When class starts, she’s sitting on one of the desks in the front, hands in her lap as she faces them. This is not an unusual position for her; she’s often sat just like this to explain things to them. But she’s shaking her leg, bouncing it up and down as the kids file in and get situated.

It’s Savannah —the very same girl from last year, who insisted she go and talk to the recruiters; the one who insists that she and Bob got together because of her —that stood in front of the desk. Savannah is narrowing her eyes, looking her teacher over for a moment.

“Are you pregnant?” She asks, as if it’s the most normal thing to ask her teacher.

“Why would you —no, I am not pregnant,” she denies, shaking her head.

“Oh, good. I can’t compete with a baby as your favorite kid.”

She rolls her eyes and shoos her to her seat. Then she takes a breath, looking over her class.

“I have something I need to tell you guys,” she begins, and her heart already hurts a little more. “I’m sure you’ve probably heard, but…Lieutenant Floyd and I are getting married!”

There’s a lot of yelling suddenly, demands to see her ring, and kids surrounding her. She knew they would be happy. That’s just how they are. But she pushes them back, telling them to sit down.

“I…I have one more thing,” she continues, and her voice is shaking. The tears are just about there, waiting —threatening. “I…I will not be returning after winter break.”

There’s silence. They’re staring at her like she’s lost her mind, and she thinks she’s never heard them be this quiet before. And somehow, that’s so much worse than them yelling at her.

“I’m sorry,” she tries to say, but she sniffles and wipes at her eyes. “He’s been stationed in Washington, and this was the latest he could push back his orders. It was originally the end of the month —,”

“You can’t leave us!” Savannah yells at her, and there’s tears in her eyes. “You have to come to graduation next year. You said you wouldn’t leave until we graduated!”

“I know,” she admits, looking at her ring for a moment. “I didn’t plan on going anywhere. But…but things happen. Change is not a bad thing, guys. I promise.”

There’s whispers across the room, some kids starting to cry, others just putting their heads down to ignore the situation entirely. It hurts —kills her, really.

“I can still come to graduation next year though! I’ll come down for it —we’ve already talked about it —,”

“You better,” a boy says, leaning back in his desk. “You have to see us walk.”

“I will. I promise I will,” she insists. “I’ll be here until the end of the semester, so we have time together still. It’ll be fine —we still have Great Gatsby to get through and —,”

“Can we have a party before you leave?”

She hesitates. Then she nods, smiling softly. “Yes, we can have a party. I’m sure Lieutenant Floyd would like to come and apologize to you guys too.”

“He better,” Savannah complains, sitting next to her on the desk. “After all we’ve done for him, getting him a wife.”

[wyattjohnston]

just between you and me - cole caufield

summary: you return to montreal after some time abroad and it unleashes a whole new slew of questions.

word count: 3,325

note: this is for @lam-ila for The Winter Fic Exchange 2k25! i hope you like it maleeha <3 thank you to @comphy-and-cozy and for all your help!!

main character: feminine reader insert

The windowpane offers a nice reprieve from the chaotic warmth being produced by seemingly everybody you’ve ever known being invited to your welcome back party. It’s well below freezing which isn’t at all unusual for Montreal, and—you’ll never admit this out loud—sitting next to the window is the closest you’re going to get to outside. Belgium had been utterly tropical in comparison and you’re ashamed by how quickly the Montreal weather became too much. The crowd of people sitting on the balcony are, quite frankly, out of their minds.

“Don’t think you should be sitting over here by yourself.”

You move your attention from the group outside to the person who just joined you, smiling gently when you realise who it is followed by a just as gentle, “Hi, Cole.”

The confusion across his face is clear and it lasts longer than just a passing second, before he’s saying your name back to you in such a questioning manner that you start to wonder if you’ve somehow been wrong all these years.

He shuffles further into the booth opposite you, leaning all his body weight onto his forearms and the table between them, and says emphatically, “No fucking way.”

You understand his reaction somewhat, knowing that the semester spent in Belgium had been eye opening and experimental, but you can only shrug at him because visibly all that’s changed about you that night is that you’ve put on some makeup and worn something a little tighter than you used to.

“You look—” he pauses, and you sigh to yourself because you know what’s coming next. “You look great. Belgium really did a number on you, eh?”

“Sure, you could put it that way.”

The compliment is nice, regardless, so you take it at face value and put your own arms on the table, leaning in towards him. He grins, toothy and all encompassing, and you’re shunted back to the small crush you’ve always had on him. It’s not anything that takes over your life; sometimes you’re not even sure it’s anything more than the thought that he’s available, but it’s enough to send butterflies into your stomach.

He tells you to stay put, and you do as you’re told even if you’re contorting yourself in your seat to see exactly where he’s gone and what he’s up to. The drink he brings back to you is what he knows as your favourite; you thank him for the soft drink, even if that’s also something that changed while you were away.

You can’t say you’re surprised when, a couple days later, you get a text from Cole asking when you’re next free which is quickly followed by another text with the days he’s free that week.

Hanging out with Cole wasn’t uncommon, though it was typically part of a larger group. It’s not explicit that this is one-on-one in any way other than Cole being the one to initiate and organise; he always left that to someone else and just showed up wherever the people were.

You leave them on your Lock Screen for most of the day and wait until the Habs game is over that night to text him back—whilst you wouldn’t give him the quick response he was undoubtedly after, there’s no way you’re going to put yourself in the position to wait by texting him mid-game.

The text you send reads “that depends what we’re doing” and it’s not until the read receipt pops up and you read it back that you realise it probably sounds quite flirty. It’s not not the message you were trying to convey but your palms get a little sweaty when it really kicks in that the flood gates have just been opened.

Cole’s unbridled joy is conveyed through his texts—the win probably doing some heavy lifting there—and the abundance of exclamation marks. Though, truthfully, they might not be that uncommon for Cole.

“We can go bowling!! Or ice skating!! Or you can come over??!!”

It’s endearing if not a little overwhelming.

Ice skating is the pick, and you can’t help but laugh at the idea of him using his day off to do more skating. It was his suggestion, and he doesn’t seem bothered by it, so you don’t bring it up at all.

He helps with your skates even though you’re more than capable; he just kneels down in front of you and starts lacing them up before you can even begin to tighten them yourself. He does look cute when he smiles up at you proudly, so you don’t have it in you to fight it.

Cole is holding your hand the moment you’re stepping onto the ice. You know how to skate and he knows you know how, so it’s not a tight, steadying grip. In fact, it’s having the opposite effect as your knees get weak because even through two pairs of thick, winter gloves you can feel every part of his hand against yours.

On the ice you can hear a guy yapping at his poor date about how good he was at hockey, how he could have gone pro, but he decided it was better for him to go to university and get a real job because of some made up reason that trailed off before he really finished his sentence. You couldn’t hide your laugh at it all, a full-bodied snort that drew the attention of the couple, so you curled into Cole to try and pretend it was something he’d said.

It did end up being Cole who was making you laugh, when he leant in closer whilst he kept you moving across the ice to repeat the guy’s ridiculous claims. The hockey bro voice he was putting on—or maybe just playing up—really sent you over the edge, and you had to hold onto him to keep upright as your laughter got to a point where breathing was problematic.

Being pulled effortlessly around the rink by Cole was something. It certainly wasn’t making it any easier to breathe, and even less so when you were able to gather some bearings and make eye contact with him. You weren’t sure anyone had ever looked at you with such softness and sincerity; you had to look away.

It’s so cliché when you step off the ice to get hot chocolate that you have no choice but to sit opposite him and ask him a question that’s been on your mind all day.

“Is this your go-to first date?”

“It’s…” he pauses briefly, sheepish. “It’s in the rotation, yeah. Seasonal. You’re my favourite.”

You avert eye contact, staring at your hands where they’re wrapped around the source of warmth that is your cup. Cole’s foot nudging against yours doesn’t do a lot to help keep your voice steady because your mind has conjured up an image of Cole and the poor date from earlier. She’s stunning, exactly the type of woman who would make a perfect WAG—no amount of makeup or otherwise traditionally feminine behaviour would ever make you feel like you could match her.

It’s with a weak voice you say, “You probably say that to all the girls.”

“No.” Cole doesn’t miss a beat. “Just you.”

Your cheeks warm instantly, and you’re filled with so much emotion that you screw your eyes shut because you don’t want to see the face he makes at your delirious smile.

Before you leave, the wannabe hockey player catches up with you and asks Cole for an autograph and a photo which are happily provided. He tells his date, before you and Cole can even get out of earshot, that he was a better player than Cole has ever been and would have gone higher in the draft had he kept up with hockey.

“Can’t believe the world doesn’t get to see the next Gretzky play just because he wants to…” he trails off into unintelligible mumbling.

The number of dates you’ve been on—and they are dates, Cole has made that exceedingly clear—is quite frankly outstanding for it having been two weeks. It feels like every day he’s free, and you don’t have classes, you’re together. It’s a lot, to be honest, but it’s not bad.

It’s not like you’ve never gone to a nice restaurant before—your parents were fans of the finer things in life, and you and your friends liked to treat yourselves on your birthdays—it’s just not something you ever pictured yourself doing with Cole. Though, to be fair, you hadn’t thought about doing much with Cole until he’d suddenly started showing interest.

The maître d’ knows Cole and you’re not so sure whether it’s because Cole is a regular or because he plays for the Habs. It’s likely both.

You don’t feel like you fit, despite any sudden interest in fashion and skincare you’ve developed—when you went out with your friends in Belgium, it was always met with judgemental, and disbelieving looks that you belonged.

You push down your discomfort and let Cole order your dinner because the menu is intimidating. He asks the waiter to bring the wine that pairs best with each course, and then turns to you and says, “Pop?”

“Just seltzer, please,” you say to Cole before turning to the waiter with a timid smile. “Thank you.”

When you turn your attention back to Cole, he’s visibly confused—his eyebrows pulled together, and his mouth pulled tight. You tilt your head, confused by his confusion but he doesn’t say anything to you.

“I don’t drink soft drinks anymore,” you explain. It doesn’t clear his confusion. “Just trying to take better care of my teeth. That seems to be the change that’s got you the most.”

“Just surprised. It’s not a bad thing.”

You tilt your head at him again, waiting for him to elaborate, but the waiter returns with your drinks and Cole easily shifts the conversation to his brother, Brock.

At the next table there’s a couple, probably in their early 50s, who are absolutely besotted with each other. You catch yourself staring at them a lot throughout the evening, hoping to learn what really makes a relationship perfect. Cole notices, too, though he stares far less at them than he does at you. When you catch him staring, the heart eyes he’s developed are enough to make your heart swell.

“You look really nice tonight,” he says after one of the times he gets caught, as if it’s not what he said the second he laid eyes on you at your front door.

The compliments have come through thick and fast since Cole came back into your life. You’re not mad about them, really, and you’re proud of what you’re now able to do with your makeup and the outfits you’re able to put together so that they are outfits and not just pants and a top, but every time he says something nice you’re reminded of the years where he said nothing of the sort—when you were just another person in the same room.

It comes out of nowhere, is much of the problem. It’s been a month, maybe two, of thoughts running through your head, of what you and Cole are and what he really thinks about you—about anything—and you’ve not asked. You probably should have because it’s not an inconsistent thought in your head about what any of this even means.

You and Cole are sitting on his couch, watching a 90s teen romcom, not having said a word for half an hour, when you sit up straight and stare at him.

He looks put out by having lost your body heat, instantly reaching out to pull you back, but you can’t get over Laney Boggs’ sudden transformation into a Prom Queen and so you start spilling a months’ worth of thoughts to him.

“I can’t keep this up, Cole,” you say with all the dramatics of the main character of a romcom.

It sort of feels like he’s in a constant state of confusion when you’re around and it adds to all the thoughts running through your head because what could he possibly see in you when he doesn’t ever seem to know what to expect next.

He asks, “Keep what up?”

“Pretending that it doesn’t kill me that you’re only interested in me now that I’m more of a girly girl.”

There’s a beat, where he stares at you, and you stare back, and his face screws up and your heart does the same, but you bite your lip because really, you need to hear something from him, anything.

“What?” he says—it’s less of a question than a silence filler. “No. No that’s—”

“But it is, though, isn’t it?” You cut him off before he can stumble over any more words. “Because you weren’t taking me on dates or showing any interest when I was drinking nothing but pop and wearing nothing but sports merch but put me in a dress with a boring water in my hand and all of a sudden you can’t get enough of me.”

“I didn’t… I don’t… I don’t care about water,” he says, staring at you like you’ve grown three heads. Maybe you have. You’re not sure exactly what you look like at that moment. Promptly more unkempt than when you showed up, maybe a little crazier in the eyes—maybe doing a reverse She’s All That while the end of the movie plays behind you.

“You can’t even deny it,” you argue back, sitting further back against the arm of the couch and putting more space between you and Cole. He’s listening to every word you say, rolling them all through his mind one by one. “I thought I was alright with it, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Would you have ever looked at me that way if everything about me hadn’t changed?”

Cole’s face changes even more at that point, the confusion morphing into something a little pained and that makes sense to you if he feels like he’s been called out. He leans forward, trying to close some of the space you’ve created, but pulls back a little when you show any sign of helping the space disappear.

His shoulders fall and he says confidently, “I’m into you, babe. Just you.”

There’s part of you that wonders why he hasn’t made a move. There have been makeouts and cuddling but nothing more and you’re not mad about that at all, you’re quite happy that the pace has been slow in that respect, but the fact that it hasn’t come up at all has been playing on your mind because is he into you? Any version of you?

It’s not the most burning question in your mind right then, though, and you manage to get out, “But would you have ever asked me out the way I was before Belgium?”

“I didn’t…” All his confidence is gone. “I didn’t think of you that way before.”

You nod and stand, knowing that staying in that room is going to hurt even more than the conversation you’ve just had. So you say, “Okay,” as you’re walking to the door and following it up with, “That’s all I needed to know,” when you’re turning the doorknob.

Cole is standing, too, though he’s not moving towards you. He’s standing by the couch, looking small and curled in on himself. Your heart breaks just a little bit more when he asks, “Are we—Are we breaking up?”

Despite all the dates and the time you’ve been spending together, you’re not even sure that you’re at a point where you can ‘break up’. There’s been no conversation about what you are outside of calling the time you’re spending together dates.

“I don’t know what we are, Cole,” you say, tired and desperate to get out of his house and be alone. “I just need some time to think.”

You can hear your roommate open the front door, immediately telling whoever is there that you don’t want to see them. It’s not hard to connect the dots. Especially not when they line up perfectly with the Habs returning from a road trip.

Cole is talking before your roommate has even finished speaking, hurriedly trying to say he just wants to talk to you, and nothing else, and he has to explain things and the more the talks the faster he gets, and your roommate is trying to get a word in but Cole isn’t letting her.

It’s not anybody else’s job to be your bodyguard, so you prepare yourself mentally to rescue her from his rapid-fire speech. There’s no physical effort to put in, especially not when you putting in effort is what caused all your problems to begin with, so you step into the hall wearing a two-sizes-too-large Habs shirt with a hole in each armpit and the shorts made of sweatpants material that haven’t been seen outside your house since prior to you leaving for Belgium. Your skincare routine may or may not have been neglected in the last 48 hours, you don’t actually remember. The spots brewing suggest it’s more like in the may not column.

Yet, despite that, Cole’s eyes are on you the second you’re in his line of sight, and the relief rolling off him is palpable. He stops talking, finally taking a breath, and you just nod at your roommate when she silently asks if you actually want to do this. She takes a deep breath, waits half a second for you to change your mind, and then leaves you and Cole standing in your small entry hall.

“Sorry about the road trip,” you say, suddenly struck by his silence after how fast his mouth had been moving before you were standing in front of him.

“I’m sorry.” He sounds desperate, even more so than when he was begging to see you. “I—I’m into you. I don’t want whatever you think I think to get in the way of that.”

“But you weren’t into before I looked different.”

“You don’t look that different,” he counters. “I don’t think you’re wearing any make up right now and I am still really into you.”

Your cheeks warm, and you struggle to get out anything because you truthfully don’t have a lot of will to argue with him if he’s into you. You do manage, “You never showed any interest before,” which is just a repeat of everything you’ve already said.

“Then you disappeared for months, and I realised I missed you. The timing isn’t great for whatever you think is going on, but I promise I like you. A lot. And I want to keep going on dates and hanging out and all of that stuff. You can wear whatever you want or don’t want, it makes no difference to me.”

“Why didn’t you say any of that last week?”

He laughs, a snort which is largely self-deprecating, “I couldn’t wrap my head around what you were saying because it didn’t make sense to me. Kind of put me on the spot there, babe. Also felt like a bit of a trap with the movie if we’re being honest with each other.”

You sigh, “The movie was an accident. It did, uh, cause everything to kind of burst, though.”

“Can we go back to hanging out? To dating? The last week’s sucked sorta hard.”

You can’t disagree that it’s sucked sorta hard. Despite needing the time to think about it, the absence of Cole’s silly texts throughout the day or his random minute-long phone calls because his thought was too much for a text had left a huge gap in your day that you hadn’t even realised he’d been filling.

It’s easy, then, to move towards him and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him close.

[ayyy-pee]

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 3: 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝑮𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝑶𝒏

Discord 18+ - Twitter - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - Series Masterlist

Pairing: Choso x f! Reader

Summary: Things take a turn.

Chapter Warnings: Angst...

WC: 6.6k

Choso Art By:NC9__

**While not all chapters contain adult content, the themes of this story are targeted towards adults, so minors DNI please.

No one warned you just how difficult university would be.

Your first semester of college has been kicking your ass in all honesty. Between your art projects, extracurriculars and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life, you’re completely burnt out. It was quite the adjustment from high school where teachers stayed on you about your school work and assignments. You'd learned very quickly that now, one was responsible for you but you.

At 19, it was a true test of your maturity. And you were failing that test quite miserably.

“I have one last project due and then I’ll finally be able to breathe. This professor has been up my ass all semester. I can’t wait for winter break and to be done with his class.” You set your bags down on your desk before you adjust your cell phone between your cheek and shoulder. “Sorry to rant. How are you all doing?”

A deep voice rumbles on the other end of the line with a laugh that makes your cheeks warm every time you hear it.

“Hey, it’s no problem. I’m just happy to hear from you. At least you’re letting me know what to realistically expect when I start school next year.” You hear shifting on the other side and you know he’s getting comfortable, probably in bed. “Yuji’s good. He’s also getting ready for winter break so he’ll be home most of the time. Eso’s been struggling with algebra, but Kechizu is surprisingly good at it. He’s been helping him study and–”

You listen closely, hanging on every word falling from your friend’s lips as he catches you up on his brother’s lives. It’s been a few months since you’ve spoken to Choso over the phone. While you’d keep in touch after the summer months until you were back on the beach, you’ve both been busy with your new normal. You haven’t seen Choso either, your first year of college being surprisingly more difficult than you’d expected so you opted for summer classes in hopes to maintain your GPA instead of taking your annual trip with your parents.

It was the first time since you were 9 that you hadn’t gone back to the beach. Your parents reluctantly returned without you your first summer in university, only after you had pushed them to enjoy a romantic vacation together for once. You remember the pictures you’d received from your mother the night they got into town. She was quick to spam you with pictures of your little pink haired friend who had grown even taller since the last time you’d seen him. She’d also sent a photo of all four of the brothers sitting at your dinner table, just as they always did on your first night in town since you were all kids.

It was reminiscent of all the summers you’d spent together growing up, except there was a noticeable gap where you’d usually be sitting, right between Choso and Yuji. As your eyes roamed over every detail, every way the boys had grown and changed, you couldn’t help the pang of disappointment you felt from missing out on this. You wanted to see them, hug them, be with them and enjoy your summer together. But you couldn’t. And it hurt more than you wanted to admit.

It hurt that you wouldn’t spend days and nights at the beach. You wouldn’t be taking Yuji all over the town with you and spoiling him rotten like you always have. You wouldn’t be climbing out of your bedroom window to sneak out to parties. You wouldn’t be working the summer at Panda’s, closing shop and sitting at the shoreline to watch the sunsets with Choso.

Choso…

Your eyes were locked on the tall figure in the photo and you found yourself pinching your thumb and index finger together, pressing them to your phone screen before expanding and zooming in on the picture. He was wearing his signature tiny smile that he reserved only for you and your family. Those same pigtails that have sat atop his head since he was 10 years old were still there, but that baby face was long gone. He was all chiseled jawline and sharp cheekbones now, even more handsome than when you saw him last summer, if possible, and your heart fluttered at the thought. 

You stared at those dark eyes that had peered into yours that cool summer night last year as he leaned closer, those soft lips that pressed against your mouth as you exchanged your first kisses with each other. Those lips…they consumed your thoughts. Those lips that uttered those three words that still kept you up at night as they echoed through your mind:

“Just one more.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks, to the tips of your ears and you could hear the blood rushing through your body as the memories played clearly through your mind.

The slight tilt of Choso’s head as he deepened the kiss just barely. The way you gasped when his tongue gently ran along the seam of your lip. How he sighed, low and deep when he heard the little sounds you were making and all because of him.

Neither you nor Choso have spoken about your first kiss since it happened. He’d walked you home from the beach that night, hugged you tight one last time and then you spent the remainder of the night clutching at your chest, desperately willing your heart to calm down.

“You still there?” Choso’s voice pulls you from your trip down memory lane and you clear your throat to buy yourself time to gather your thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just…I’m sad. I’m glad everyone’s doing well, but I almost feel like I missed a part of that because I didn’t go back to the beach for the summer.” You fall back onto your bed with a groan. “I miss you.”

The words fall from your lips easily, though your eyes widen when you realize what you’ve said. While you had never been one to sugarcoat your words with Choso, you couldn’t help but feel as though those simple words held more weight since the kiss.

Choso doesn’t seem to be having the same thoughts, because he quickly replies with an, “I miss you, too.”

And just like that, the conversation picks right back up.

It’s easy with Choso. It’s always easy. You sometimes forget just how easy it is.

- - - - - - - -

That breather you thought you’d be getting for winter break? Yeah, that didn’t happen.

Could it be because your first year of college hadn’t gone according to plan which resulted in you ending the year with a lower than desired grade point average? Who could say? That wasn’t important anyway. The important thing was that you’d opted to take Winter classes as well. Because your life wasn’t already hell Monday through Friday during the spring and fall semesters. Not to mention the summer classes you’d taken earlier in the year that had kept you from being able to tag along on your annual beach trip.

College was turning out to be more of a drag than anything. Luckily, you had made plenty of friends here that made the fact you were missing out on these things a lot more bearable.

It was during the Winter semester that you’d met Iori Utahime, a beautiful young woman with a curious scar across her face that somehow only added to her stunning looks. The two of you had quickly hit it off, both wanting to take your studies seriously and needing someone to hold the other accountable for reaching their goal. Utahime wanted to pursue a career in music and while your majors differed, you were still artists just the same. 

Your similarities didn’t end there either. You shared core classes and unfortunately also shared struggling GPAs, which only brought you closer to each other. So when you found yourselves paired up for a project for one of your Winter courses, you soon found yourselves together more often than not.

And she’d introduced you to more friends as time went on.

There was Satoru. Satoru was goofy. That was the best way to describe him. He never took anything seriously, because everything was easy for him. Seriously. He was a genius who never needed to study because he just knew he’d ace his exams. Because of this, he was all about enjoying the college experience.

You could catch Satoru at every party, the center of attention everywhere he went. He was Mr. Popular. There was no one on campus who did not know who Satoru Gojo was. Almost every student on campus either wanted him or wanted to be him. And although you didn't share the same desires as them, you could see the appeal. 

Satoru was tall. Way too tall. And had the strangest hair color you’d ever seen– stark white and so messy. He claimed it was natural, though you had your doubts. In a way, his hair reminded you oddly of Choso, if only because you could only think about how it was the total opposite of your friends. And his eyes…they also reminded you of Choso. Because they were as blue as the ocean you’d sat in front of many times with him. As blue as the waters that had brought you to Choso in the first place. 

But that was where the similarities ended. Satoru was carefree, going with the flow whenever he could. He never planned for anything, he just let things happen. And he bugged Utahime in a way you couldn’t understand. It’s not really like he had to do much in the first place to get under her skin. All he needed to do was breathe within the same vicinity as Utahime and she was going ballistic. And Satoru seemed to love that.

There was Suguru, Satoru’s best friend. Or more? You could never quite tell with those two. He also reminded you of Choso in a way. Not physically, but general demeanor. Suguru was quieter, more observant than Satoru. He was thoughtful and kind, not abrasive at all; soft spoken in a way that made you feel as though he truly cared for you. And you liked that about him.

When out, you’d often find yourself next to Suguru. His presence was warm and comforting, almost familiar. You felt safe and protected with him and you knew that if Suguru was with you, you could just count on him to look out for you. You’d grown close fairly quickly and had established a friendship outside of your immediate friend group. You spent a lot of time together, but there was never any connection between you two aside from friendship.

And then there was the last of your group – Shoko. Clearly there was something going on between her and Utahime. But if you asked either of them, they'd quickly deny it. None of you were dumb, even with your low GPAs. The stolen glances, the touches they thought you all didn’t notice, the way one always ended up leaving exactly three minutes before the other decided to call it a night.

You found it very amusing, the way they thought none of you knew what was going on.

Their situation made you think more about Choso and how he –

Wait.

Why were you thinking about Choso so much? Why did everything suddenly remind you of him? You couldn’t think about any of your new friends without comparing them to Choso. Even after all this time.

After your last summer vacation, Choso had spent a good amount of time on your mind. But it’s been almost two years now. A second summer vacation was coming up and you were once again abandoning plans to go to the beach with your family and opting to take more summer courses to boost your GPA.

And it wasn’t as though you’d spoken to Choso much, either. Between your studies and his own life happenings, there wasn’t much time to chat. You carve out time when you can and appreciate the usual nightcap you both share every so often. But you're busy with your studies and Choso…well…

When your second year of college began, that was also when Choso had broken the sad news to you that college would be put on hold for him indefinitely.

“It’s my dad,” he’d told you. “Fucker just up and left and we haven’t heard from him since. Not that I should be surprised. I guess I'm only shocked it took him so long.”

You could hear the words come through gritted teeth, how he’d tried to hide the venom that dripped from each syllable. He was beyond pissed. You knew Choso better than you knew any other friend. There was no better way to get on his bad side than to mess with his beloved siblings. 

But you knew more than anything that Choso was disappointed, crestfallen even.

For Choso, getting out of that small beach town and getting an education was his path to a better life for himself and for his brothers. His father taking that from him felt like the ultimate betrayal. What could you even say to lift his spirits at that point?

“I'm so sorry, Cho. Fuck, I'm sorry.” 

It didn't feel like enough.

You checked in with him when you could. And he checked in with you when he could, but he was busy working. He’d accepted a full time position as a manager at Panda’s and had even told you a spot would be there for when you returned the next summer.

But it looked like someone else would have to fill the position this year.

You missed your vacations back to your second home. You missed the warmth of the sand beneath your feet and the smell of the salty ocean air as you all spent your days at the beach. You missed scooping ice cream at Panda’s and doodling the horizon in your sketchbook from your spot behind the counter when work was slow. You missed sneaking out to bonfires and having Choso toss you his sweater the moment you landed in his arms in nothing but the shorts and bikini tops he so hated.

You missed Choso.

That last night at the beach revealed to you for the first time that you may have feelings for your best friend that are more than just friendship. Freshly 18 year old you with almost no prior dating history hardly knew what those feelings meant. But almost 20 year old you, well it's been loud and clear for some time that this has slowly become more than some childish crush. 

You like Choso. 

The whispered call of your name pulls you from your spiraling thoughts and you look up to find Satoru’s bright eyes staring questioningly at you from across the table. You’d all met up in the library to study for your exam coming up at the end of the week. Of course he was checking in because you’d zoned out in the middle of your cram session to daydream about your long distance crush.

Except, that wasn’t why Satoru was checking in at all.

It’s only when Satoru waves his hand next to him that you see another tall figure standing beside the table. Your eyes roam up his form until they land on his face. And it surprises you when you feel your heart kickstart and begin racing.

Because you thought only Choso could get that reaction from you. 

“This is Kaito,” Satoru introduces him and Kaito smiles, eyes locked on yours and you think you can hear your heart pounding in your chest.

Kaito is tall, slender, but not in the way Satoru is. If anything, you’d say he has the same body type as Suguru. He’s lean. You can tell from the way his clothes accentuate his form that he’s fit.  And he’s got the most beautiful smile, teeth so brilliantly white that you’re nervous to see how brightly they shine in the sun. Gorgeous emerald green eyes sit beneath long black lashes and wow, he is really fucking good looking.

He politely introduces himself, running his hand through a messy black wolfcut as he takes the seat right beside you after Suguru heads to his next class. 

You all resume studying shortly after Satoru’s friend’s arrival. Kaito seems to fit right in, quickly becoming friendly with the rest of the group and you. But you soon notice that Kaito has taken quite a liking to you.

Again, 20 year old you is not as clueless as you used to be and the attention he focuses on you is giving you an insane amount of butterflies.

You catch his little glimpses at you from the corner of your eye, the way he’s quick to lean over and help you resolve an equation you were stuck on, the way he never breaks eye contact with you when you’re speaking with him. Like every word that leaves your mouth is the most important thing he’s ever heard.

“So yeah, that’s why hot cheetos are like the best chip there are.” You finish your rant, beaming because you finally got to tell someone your true feelings about this.

“Absolutely…fascinating…” Utahime comments sarcastically. She’d stopped listening to your rambling ages ago, nose buried in her textbook.

Shoko and Satoru had left to get refreshments so unfortunately for them, they'd missed the entire thing.

But Kaito, you’ve got his full attention. “No, really. It’s truly fascinating. I’d love to hear more.”

His grin has your tummy squeezing, that sweet tickle returning and you find yourself smiling right back despite your little epiphany about your feelings regarding your childhood friend just moments before Kaito showed up.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.”

A loud slurping can be heard from across the table, effectively popping the little bubble that you and Kaito had suddenly found yourselves in. On the other side of the table sits Satoru, back from his trip to the cafe, guzzling a sweet juice while he watches you and Kaito talk over the rim of his glasses. Next to him, Utahime’s face is twisted into a look of pure hatred and disgust. Satoru ignores it.

“Y’all should go out,” Satoru suggests casually, like he’s talking about something as unimportant as the weather. “Talk about animal crackers or whatever the hell.”

Shoko snorts as she discreetly slides a snack over to Utahime while no one is looking. Except everyone sees it anyway because these two are so fucking obvious.

“Yeah, go out,” Shoko also chimes in. “Think you two would make a great couple.”

Your face ignites with heat, the sudden idea making you want to kick Satoru and Shoko under the table.

But Kaito smirks, eyes holding your gaze like they have been this entire time and he says, “I’d like that. Can I?”

You glance at Utahime who stares at you in surprise. 

“Um…can you what?” You question, trying to buy yourself time to think.

“Can I take you out? Like, on a date.” His response is quick. It’s so easy for him. He just spits it out and says what he wants. And you’re sitting here still freaking out just over Satoru’s suggestion.

“I…”

“If I bring hot cheetos with me, would that make it more tempting?” He’s so charming, and cute, and sweet and–

Ugh, what reason do you have to say no to him?

The sudden vision of pigtails flashes through your mind. And suddenly, the excitement you were feeling seems to fall away. And Kaito seems to sense it, because his grin falters a little, becoming just a small smile on his lips and he simply nods and gives you a “sure” when you ask him, “Can I get back to you?”

- - - - - - - -

“I met someone today,” you speak quietly into the phone, lying in bed after leaving your study date with your friends. You’re nervous. Probably because you’re testing the waters here. Probably because your walk back to your dorm after Kaito had asked you out was eye opening. 

Can you really open yourself to date someone else seriously when your thoughts are plagued by another man? Can you open yourself to the possibility of being with someone else when the person you want to be with is hundreds of miles away, in some little beach town?

Because that's what you've come to realize. You want to be with Choso. 

You just need to know if he feels the same way you do. You have an idea of how Choso feels about you based on the last time you’d seen each other. But that doesn’t make you feel any less like digging a hole in the ground and burying yourself in embarrassment thinking about bringing any of this up. 

“Oh yeah? Another new friend?” Choso asks distantly. He’s currently at Panda’s closing shop, so he’s got you on speaker while he completes his nightly tasks. You were happy (maybe too happy) when he'd answered your call tonight. 

“Sort of a friend, sure…He’s nice…”

You’re hoping he’ll take the hint quickly here.

But when Choso just gives you an absentminded “that’s cool”, you know you’ve only got half of his attention. And you want all of it.

“Yeah. His name is Kaito. Really nice guy.” And it’s true. You think Kaito is nice, but you think Choso is nicer. That's not to say you're not into Kaito either. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t interested in him. But you’d also be lying if you said you weren’t interested in Choso as well. Maybe more than you are Kaito. Because for you, you’re pretty sure it will always be Choso. Even though you've never had anyone else, you know you don't need to. It's Choso for you.

That is why your thoughts have been consumed with him. This revelation has been so freeing.

You just need to know if he feels the same. 

“Glad you’re meeting new people.”

He’s still distracted, the sounds of him pushing the chairs around the store’s lobby echoing through the phone. You didn’t want to have to show your hand so quickly, but you’re tired from a long day of studying and tired from years of beating around the bush. It’s been over a decade of your feelings slowly building for Choso and now your heart is ready to burst. You have no choice but to push this conversation along a little faster.

“Yeah, his name is Kaito. He asked me out on a date actually.”

And finally, you get an actual reaction from Choso. Not a grunt, not a hum in reply or some offhand comment. Instead, you hear him shuffling around, then the sound of tapping on his phone, likely taking you off of the speaker. His voice comes through, crisp and clear now.

“Sorry,” he apologizes through quick breaths. “What was that?”

“I said Kaito asked me out on a date…this weekend.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep,” you reply cheerily, hopefully driving the knife a little deeper. Immature, sure, but at this point you’d do anything to get Choso a little closer to saying whether or not he has any feelings for you, if he wants you in the same way you want him. “Probably dinner at his place. Maybe a movie. Not sure yet.”

Choso hums quietly. “And you like this guy…that you just met…today…Kaito…” He says his name like he’s testing it on his tongue.

“He’s really nice.”

“As you’ve said.”

You’re about taken aback by the sudden bite in Choso’s tone, but you ignore his snarkiness. “I don't know how I feel about him yet.”

“Clearly you like him enough to be telling me about him.”

More bite behind his words. Still, you push forward. “I mean, is that bad?” You adjust the phone, moving it to your other ear as you get comfortable beneath your blankets. “You’re my friend, right?”

“Sure, but we don’t talk about stuff like this.”

And he had a point. Even during your summers entertaining Mahito, Choso never wanted to hear about any conversations you had with him. And it’s not like you had that many interactions with him anyway since Choso seemed to always be there whenever the silver haired boy was near you. And you had friends back home to talk about your school girl crushes that never resulted in anything with. 

Aside from your first encounter with Mahito, Choso had also never discussed whether or not you were ever interested in anyone romantically and you had never thought to ask him either. Granted, you only saw each other over the summers and during the year, school kept you both so busy, you couldn’t worry about dating. Your parents were never against it and you'd gone to a movie or two with people who had asked you out, but it was never serious. You didn't care enough to commit to anyone, too focused on trying to get into a good school.

In the summers, the last thing on your mind was asking Choso if he had feelings for anyone else. Most of the time he was with you, anyway. And when he wasn't, he was with his brothers. 

You'd never given thought to Choso…desiring anyone.

Suddenly, the thought of Choso with someone else makes your stomach churn, has your head spinning. Choso in someone else’s arms, hugging someone else, kissing someone else’s lips.

Oh, it has your blood boiling in a way you’ve never experienced before and you try not to sound too petulant when you finally mutter, “Yeah, but I want to talk to you about it now.”

“But why?” He sounds thoroughly confused. You try not to sigh into the receiver. 

“Choso…we’ve literally kissed before, but talking about crushes is where you draw the line?”

It’s the first time either of you have ever mentioned the kiss, now a memory that continues to plague your thoughts and your dreams. 

“Even weirder reason to talk to me about this,” you hear him mumble on the other end.

“How? We’re adults! We can talk about things like that. Besides…” you fiddle with your blanket, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth nervously. “It’s really not weird at all…unless the kiss meant something…more to you?”

You’re met with silence. A long stretch of silence that has you fidgeting anxiously. You almost want to laugh, say “I’m just kidding!” and hang up. But then Choso surprises you. He speaks so quietly, you almost don’t hear it over the thundering of your own heart.

“Did it mean something to you?”

Of course it did. What a stupid question. That silly little first kiss and those lips of Choso’s have been eating away at your brain for almost two years. Saying it meant something to you felt like the understatement of the century. You want to scream out loud that that kiss meant everything to you and you’re sorry it took you so long to stop being an idiot and realize that yes, the kiss was more than that. It opened the door for you to realize exactly how you felt about Choso. 

But even so, you still answer with a very quiet “yes”.

And because it’s Choso, who has never lied to you a day in his life, he responds without hesitation. “Me too.”

Finally! The confirmation you were waiting for! The kiss meant something to Choso, too. You weren’t crazy!

“I’ve been thinking about it since it happened. A lot,” Choso confesses.

“Me too. Probably way too much.”

Choso chuckles, which makes you laugh in turn. It’s the answer you wanted to hear from him, but now that that’s out there and your heart is calming down just a bit, it gives your brain enough time to catch up. And now, you’re a little confused.

“Wait. Why’d you tell me I should go out with Kaito?” You laugh again; half from nerves, half from feeling so silly that you used the guy as bait instead of just outright asking Choso how he felt.

The silence has suddenly returned and any semblance of humor seconds ago has now vanished. Now, you feel nervous again. Like your gut is telling you to end this call immediately. This is the calm before the storm and that knife you were twisting into Choso’s back to try and urge an honest response from him soon finds its way into yours when Choso says, “Because you should.”

The knife twists.

“You like him, don’t you? Go on a date with him.”

“Ha ha.” It’s all you can think to say, because it’s keeping the pain at bay for just a second longer. Only a second longer.

“I’m being serious.”

Another twist. And the sting begins to settle in.

“Choso…”

He says your name back to you. “Do you like him?”

“I like you.” It’s the first time you’ve openly admitted it to him. A few seconds pass by with no response, so you keep talking, if only to fill the silence. “Obviously you feel the same way or that kiss wouldn’t be on your mind two years later, right?”

Choso sighs softly. How can he be so calm and collected when you’re sitting here just now realizing that you’re shaking, nearly vibrating out of your skin.

“I like you, too,” he finally admits. “Have for a long time. Couldn’t tell you when it started, but it’s been for as long as I can remember. So yeah, I feel the same.”

“Okay…” You should feel calmer now, confident in the fact that your feelings for each other are out in the open. But that sharp sting of rejection is slowly starting to build, the knife in your back ready to bury itself deeper. “But?”

“Hmm?”

“I know you. There’s a but coming…isn’t there?”

Another bout of silence and you’re starting to lose your mind having to sit through it. This is not how you expected this conversation to go. And you blame yourself for the way it feels like your heart is going to beat straight through your ribcage and fall flat to the floor.

“But I can’t do anything about these…feelings.” He spits the last word out like it’s bitter. “There’s no future where we could ever be together.”

The knife sinks in.

“Why not?”

“Because–”

“And don’t give me some bullshit reason, either.” You cut him off. Because you don’t want excuses. You want honesty, like Choso has always given you.

“What’s a bullshit reason to you?” His tone is snippy again.

What is a bullshit reason? You don’t know. All you know is that you have feelings for this man who once pulled you from certain death over a decade ago. And he has feelings for you, too! He just told you so! You want to be with him, but he doesn’t seem to want to be with you even if he hasn’t said so yet.

Ironically, all this makes you feel like you’re drowning all over again, struggling to pull your head above the water but going nowhere. It's Choso holding you under instead of pulling you out this time.

“...I don’t know,” you finally answer.

“I do,” Choso responds tersely. “I can give you a reason. Hell, I can give you two, three, maybe even four reasons why we can’t be together.”

“Cho–”

“But I don’t need all of those reasons. I only need one – I’m no good for you.”

You roll your eyes. “Choso, you’ve been my best friend practically my whole life. I cannot think of a single person better for me than you.”

He sighs your name, calling for your attention, but you keep going. “And you know me better than anyone else. I know you better than anyone else–”

Choso says your name again, a little harsher this time. You keep on.

“Besides, you said yourself how that kiss stays on your mind. It’s always on my mind too and we can–”

“Stop!” Choso’s harsh voice cuts through your droning. This time, you can’t ignore the snippiness. Never, in all the time that you’ve known Choso, has he raised his voice at you. At least, not in anger or annoyance. Maybe when you were kids, because kids yell. Kids are loud and bossy and Choso was both of those things as a kid. He was always yelling. But he had never yelled at you the way he just had.

You’re so shocked, your mind so suddenly frazzled, that you can’t bring yourself to respond.

“Why are you insisting on this?” Choso sighs, trying to calm himself, but his voice is still coming out a lot rougher than it ever has in your direction. And it’s hurting you in ways you hadn’t known possible, your little heart beginning to crack within your chest.

“I...I just thought –”

“Thought what, exactly?” Choso asks, a dry chuckle following. “Thought that we’d confess that we have feelings for each other and then we-we’d talk about our futures, make plans to be together forever and ever and then sail off into the sunset?”

“I mean–”

“No.”

That’s all he says.

“No?” You’ll need more than that.

“No. There will be no talking about futures together, making plans, sailing off into the sunset…none of it.”

Those little cracks in your heart start to spread, slowly chipping away. That sharp knife you were twisting into Choso’s back is now lodged deep into your own and it’s fucking killing you slowly.

“I don’t–” Your voice is quivering now and you have to take a deep inhale to steady yourself. “I don’t understand. If I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me…you said the kiss meant more to you!”

“And I meant that.”

“Then why?! Why are you doing this? Is this because of Kaito?”

“Yes!”

“ I–I barely know him! I only brought him up being childish. I was hoping you would realize you had feelings for me. That’s it! I want to be with you!”

“But you should be with someone like him.” Choso’s voice is quiet now, the harshness of it finally gone. “It wouldn't have mattered if it was Kaito or Utahime or whats the other guy? Suguru? I can’t give you what he– what anyone who isn’t me can.”

Now you’re lost. “What?”

“I can’t be what you need me to be. I can’t be the boyfriend you need, the support you’d need if I were to become your boyfriend…”

It’s embarrassing how quickly you feel the tears brimming along your waterline. How your heart shatters into pieces as he lists off the reasons he isn’t good enough for you.

“Look at my fucked up life. No mother, a deadbeat piece of shit for a father, three brothers that I’m solely responsible for and have been for practically my entire life…” He says your name, like a plea, begging for you to listen to him. Like you should take his word for it and simply accept it.

But you won’t accept it.

“I know all of that, Choso. I know you and what you’ve been through – what you’re going through – better than anyone else. And I still want you.”

Now you say his name like a plea, begging for him to hear you and your words. You don’t care about his struggles, about how he’s had to keep his family together his entire life, forced to grow up too quickly and become the glue that holds everything together. You were there for all of that up until recently. And even through it all, you always found your way back to Choso. That won’t change now.

The quiet drags on, just dead air hanging between you two and when he finally speaks, he surprises you. “And I want you, too.” He tells you, lifting your spirits ever so slightly.

Then just as quickly, he breaks you. Again.

“But I’m doing you a favor, so please. Just go date whoever you want, whoever’s good to you.”

“Choso–” Your voice breaks, your lip trembling as you try to fight the sob threatening to crawl up your throat.

“Please.” You hear the way Choso’s voice cracks in a similar manner. Like he has a sob to match your own trying to escape as well. “You…God, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on someone like me. You have everything going for you. I have nothing going for me. Just some loser working a deadend job in the same deadend town I’ve always been in and will probably always be in. And I refuse to drag you down with me. I’m looking out for you…Like I’ve always tried to do.”

Your protector.

Even when you don’t want him to be. Even when you wish he wouldn’t be. Even when it hurts you.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” Choso tells you. “I do. Fuck, believe me when I say that. I would love nothing more than that because I've wanted it for so long…but you deserve so much more than this.”

“You are not a loser, Choso. Just…stop. I think we can–”

“I have to go,” He interrupts. “Need to finish this stuff up and head home. Yuuji has a project due tomorrow that I need to help with.” He’s quiet again, but you can just make out the sound of him sniffling, choking down that same sob before he says, “I’ll talk to you later.”

Choso ends the call abruptly, before you can even say goodbye, and the shakiness of his voice stays with you for the rest of the night. Even as you shower, numb to the excruciating heat of the water. As you brush your teeth and crawl beneath your sheets where you finally allow your heart to fully crumple. Even then, you hear the clear tremble of Choso’s words.

It hurts. This is a pain you don’t have any experience with. You don't know what to do with it. This is a pain you’d hoped you would never have to feel. And you never expected your best friend to be the one to cause it.

But you’re hopeful that you two will be able to patch things up. That you two will be able to go back to normal, even if things are awkward for a bit. Because you don’t want to lose Choso. He’s your very best friend, long distance or not. He means way too much to you for your crush to get in the way. You just hope you haven’t ruined things between you two.

Besides, he did say he would talk to you later. You take solace in that, finally letting sleep take over even as your tears still fall.

If only you’d have known that when you opened your eyes the next morning and opened your phone to send an apology text to Choso, that your text would fail to go through. 

If only you’d known that you would go to check Choso’s social media pages only to see blank screens because he’d apparently blocked you. You'd search through every account he has on every social media platform and find yourself no longer able to see any of his information.

“I refuse to drag you down with me.” Those words play on a loop in your mind.

He really meant it.

[yourlocalartsonist]

✨MFIP UPDATE✨

5/11/2025 | Update 4 | Next Update | Last Update

FUCKING HELL FINALS ARE OVER OH MY GODDDDDD💥 Bros I know I disappeared for a whole semester again, but y’all gotta hear me out I was suffering😵‍💫 Long story short, I’m in some higher level courses than I should be in due to some ✨accidents by the general counselor✨ I say with gritted teeth, and had my first ever experience with a teacher I genuinely wish chose not to teach (which is so surprising considering I don’t usually hate teachers) so I was juggling shit like crazy. I’ll explain more in the lil life update section but hey point is, I didn’t abandon MFIP in my head🦐✨✨✨

This update is definitely gonna be a shorter one since my ass doesn’t really have much to update on, but I still wanted to give y’all a progress check as the summer starts! I’m so excited to be writing more again because MAN I’VE BEEN TWEAKING I MISS MY BABYGIRL SALENAAAA—

🚨🚨🚨PROGGERS BABYYYY🚨🚨🚨

Alriiiight starting off with the progress that was accomplished at the very fucking least.

So obviously first thing’s first, CHAPTER TEN WAS UPDATEDDDD🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

God I’m so happy it’s

Over

SO GOOOOD

I can’t begin to describe how genuinely nice it felt to actually see this long ass chapter done and out, especially cuz it solidifies that we are indeed in the last stretch of Arc One. It’s such an exciting thing for me since I’ve been planning these last few chapters since the very beginning of this arc, and shaking violently tryna wait for everything I was setting up to FINALLY PAY OFF!

Now with Chapter 10 being done,

I have made a good chunk of progress with chapter 11~

I was actually working on it deadass right after chapter 10 out of pure excitement and impatience—

I’d say it’s probably at the halfway mark right now; I worked on it over winter break and a little bit here and there during the first few months of the semester when I was more free. I didn’t get a chance to even look at it afterwards but like that’s fine, it’s better than nothing 🦐👍

I’m not sure how long it’s gonna take for me to finish it though since I really need to regain my energy first after this crazy semester. I’d like to say it’s not as long as the last few chapters have been, but I’ve learned my lesson from saying that ever again so yk we’ll find out when it’s finished💀✨

I also have the Extra chapter already done for Eleven

So thankfully that’s at least completely finished— It just needs to be edited, but I don’t wanna give it to my team until we’re a little closer to Eleven being done. It’s a really interesting little chapter imo but I won’t say too much right now.

That’s honestly all I got done between this and the last update. Like I said, life got a little…..

Chaotic.💀

As per usual, time for a tiny little life update because why not~

Dudes when I tell you, worst semester yet. Like if I thought last semester sucked, this one WAS SO MUCH WORSE. My schedule got messed up by the general counselor and the only way to get me on track was to give me much harder courses for this semester. It genuinely sucked asscheeks and I couldn’t do anything this entire time. I was kinda losing my mind tbh, I barely drew or wrote or did any of my hobbies. Academic burnout definitely hit me too but at least I got over it🍤💥

I really wish I could work more and work faster honestly, but yk I have other priorities and a dream career I’m chasing after. I’m really trying to figure out my footing right now with time and energy management, so it’s everything’s a little rocky.

I have faith it’s gonna get better, though!

I’m learning more about myself every day; more about how I learn, how I process, my motivations, my capabilities. All of that info is letting me slowly but surely find better ways to learn and study so I can allow myself the time I need to pursue my more creative side.

Thankfully now, summer’s finally arrived and I can take a little break from figuring all that out! I’m gonna be going out more and experiencing life this time since my favorite person in the whole wide world moved in with me, and I wanna create some memories with them. But, I’ll also finally get to work on MFIP more and hopefully get at least two more chapters out by the end of this break!

Mini Announcement: I’m Starting a New Project!😋✨💥

I know that sounds super ambitious given what I just said about being overcrowded sometimes, but hear me out y’all-

I really do have the passion for another fanfic I wanna work on so imma do it and see what happens. Not many spoilers for now since everything is so early in development, but it’s related to Stranger Things because I watched that show recently and I had… opinions💀 Not many of which were positive💀💀💀

I’ll give more info on it later when things are a little more settled. I’ll be dedicating I think at least three posts announcing and talking about it properly because there’s so much to say. It’s still gonna be my second priority project though, MFIP stays my first :3

Aaaand that’s all for this update folks~!

Not much this time but I wanted to give a quick update just so y’all know where I’m at regarding MFIP. Oh boy things are so much more packed than I anticipated but we stay silly! Also wanted to say a quick sorry that I took so long with this update that it’s coming out in June instead of May, and a quick Eid Mubarak for my fellow Muslims~!

I’ll see y’all hopefully soon with some more MFIP stuff, bye for now☺️🫶✨

[woman-respecter]

Yo im super curious now who is that ex bestfriend that u mention on the taggs sometimes? Give us some ☕️

LMAO u have no idea how long i’ve been waiting for someone to ask me this. warning this is long and tells like. the entire story of our friendship which is probably more than u asked for haha

i’ll give the TL;DR here and the full story under the cut

TL;DR: we were best friends for about 3 years, she found out i had feelings for her, and, though she promised she would stay friends with me, ended up completely abandoning me, refusing to ever speak to me again.

ok so exbestfriend (i’ll call her R) and i became friends in my very first class of freshman year of college. we really hit it off and had like completely compatible ADHD wavelengths. i wouldn’t say we were inseprable that year bc i had other friends i spent more time with but her and i, along with another girl from our class (who was kinda insane. i’ll call her G) would spend a lot of time together. sophmore year R and i got closer and started spending a lot more time together. she was kinda my best friend at that point but also didn’t go to the play that i starred in and worked really hard on which was a minor thing but something i still remember. second semester sophomore year we got a lot closer and spent a lot more time together, often without G. middle of the semester i realized i was in love with R (i remember the exact date actually. feb 28 2020.) but youse know how 2020 was, we got sent home for covid.

during the pandemic i took a gap year and R did zoom college but she and i stayed very close in touch, facetiming and texting all the time. we even sent *handwritten letters* to eachother which i still have. in fact she was the *only* person from college who kept in touch with me then. she usually seemed too busy but tried to make time for me. during this time i fell more in love with her.

first semester my junior, R’s senior year was mostly a really good time for me (until the end which we will get to.) we were finally able to see eachother in person after over a year. G wasn’t there to third wheel because she was studying abroad. and R and i became inseparable, even deciding to take a class together (economics, which i loved and R hated). we also became part of a larger friend group which was great for me because i never had that, but still were closer with eachother than the rest of the group. we spent as much time together as possible and saw eachother almost every day. i will admit i was a little too clingy to her at times but she didn’t seem to mind. during this time she was very affectionate and caring towards me. she even did little things that made me think she may have returned my feelings like holding my hand. the other girls in our friend group seemed to believe that R may have liked me as well.

and here’s the part you’ve all been waiting for IF YOU ARE HERE FOR THE BREAKUP START READING HERE: for hanukkah i knitted her a pair of mittens, which i gave her along with a letter borderline confessing my feelings to her. after reading the letter she called me, told me she didn’t return my feelings and that in fact she now felt uncomfortable with me hugging her or telling her i loved her (as a friend) but said she would still would remain friends with me no matter what. the next day we had a convo over text where she said some pretty hurtful things which caused me to kind of act out the next time i saw her at a get together with the rest of our friends. the last time i saw her in person that semester (or, spoiler alert, ever) was when i had to beg her to drive me to the airport to go home for the semester because i could not get an uber but she only did so begrudingly (even tho before my confession of love she had planned to take me to the airport that day)

during winter break i tried reaching out to her to talk things out but she said we didn’t need to. i tried to text her about the game we both played (genshin impact haha) but she would never respond. when we got back to school i kept trying to get her to hang out with our friend group but she always said she had something going on or straight up not responding. she didn’t text me on my birthday either. eventually at the end of february, i think my other friend (who is currently my only remaining friend from that group fun fact) contacted her and told R how bad i was doing because of her absence (oh yeah i forgot to mention, i became suicidally depressed from R’s absence) so R called me and while we argued about a bunch of stuff and she was somewhat homophobic towards me (she said she was more comfortable being friends with G because G was straight) she eventually told me that yes we could be friends again she just needed more time. which i guess i was ok with but it did not stop me from being suicidally depressed.

a month later i reach out to R like hey i really miss being friends could you let me know when you want to be friends again. a WEEK after me sending that text she responds and tells me she doesn’t want to be friends ever again and says some more hurtful shit. that’s the last i’ve heard from her. i almost offed myself at this.

rest of that semester goes badly, my depression gets worse and worse to the point that i lose the rest of my friends except for one (who happens to share a name with R, a sick coincidence) because they can’t deal with it. also R blocks me on instagram and genshin impact.

my depression is a bit better now, it was super treatment resistant so i changed meds a few times. but i’m still not fully recovered from this and i never will be. all i want in life is to have her back. there is an R shaped hole in me that will never and can never be filled. i’m not sure if i’m capable of ever loving again.

so yeahhh thats it. if u read this whole thing ur insane but i love u 💖

[chaosduckies]

Restoration (Chapter 8)

A bunch of scenes because why not? On another note, it is extremely hard to write a scene in winter when it’s the middle of April. I hope you enjoy anyhow! Because now I’m really getting into the plot.

Word Count: 5.9k

CW: Death, crying, vague thoughts of suicide, severe trauma, (anything else idk??)

8-Ryker

It was Thanksgiving break. The first official break from school until Christmas. Words could not describe how grateful I was for the week-long break. There was no reason to have so much work piled up a couple weeks before the end of first semester. 

I was laying in my bed on my phone. It was about to turn six, which meant I should probably get started on dinner, but I just couldn’t bring myself to climb out of bed. I was physically and mentally tired of keeping up with everyone and whatever plans they had with their friends, taking care of Isabelle and Angela since they were still little, and on top of that keep up with the chores around the house. 

I grabbed my phone off the charger, stretched out my arms and legs from laying down, and opened my door to get started on dinner. The living room was oddly quiet, with Dylan and Lucky playing a game. Isabelle playing a game with Angela on the carpet that consisted of a bunch of stuffed animals and blankets. I smiled to myself. 

“What do you guys feel like eating for dinner?” I leaned against the kitchen island, waiting for an answer. 

“Spaghetti!” Isabelle and Angela answered at the time, giggling at one another. I think I could do that. I don’t know if Lucky can though. It was the first weekend of the break and I’d probably need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyways. 

I looked in Dylan’s direction, making them pause whatever they were playing together. He just shrugged his shoulders, “Whatever’s easier for you.” Always with the same response. 

“Ummm, I can go check what we have.” Lucky told me, getting Dylan to let him onto the floor. All I could do was wait now. Jasmine was staying over at her friends today and tomorrow. I just told her to text me if she goes anywhere far and if she needed anything. Weird, right? Usually the parent handles these kinds of things, but in the situation my siblings and I are in it’s literally impossible. 

Lucky came back, shaking his head, “We don’t have the things for spaghetti,” He laid down on the arm rest of the couch and grabbed his remote, “You should call Nathan to come over. He hasn’t been here in a while. Plus, he’s so much better at cooking than I am. Right, Angela?” 

“Yeah!” 

I bit the side of my cheek. I don’t know about that. Just asking Nathan to come over to cook and then ask him to leave? That was wrong. Plus, he told me before the break that he’ll be pretty busy. Or… texted me. Either way, I shouldn’t bother him. Maybe he actually has a meal with his family for Thanksgiving and they were all getting ready for it already. On the other hand, Lucky makes something else for him and Angela, Angela doesn’t eat, and then everything goes downhill from there. 

Looking at my phone, I picked it up, opening the messages app, and clicked on Nathan’s name. The last time he came here, Jasmine did kind of freak him out. I remember him not being able to leave anyone’s side if she was in the room. I wonder if he’d even want to come over after that. At school the next day he was a little nervous, but otherwise fine afterward, but I’m sure whatever Jasmine told him is still stuck in his mind. Ugh. This was such a bad idea. 

Ryker: I have a huge favor to ask you 

I waited for a response, watching Dylan and Lucky play a fighting game against one another. I had no idea who was winning, but I’m pretty sure it was Lucky. Actually… it was kind of weird how Lucky seemed to want Nathan around more often. Like, really weird. Especially when every time Nathan came, he would practically ditch him with me. I honestly don’t mind, I liked having Nathan come over, but still. I had wondered why, but I wasn’t going to ask. 

Nathan: Yeah?

Ryker: Do you mind coming over to help Lucky cook something? 

Ryker: You don’t have to 

Well, if he says no Lucky will have to make whatever he can and I’d have to break the news to Angela. If you didn’t know, four year olds can be a little hard to deal with sometimes. So, this might just turn out to be a very, very bad day. 

Nathan: Sure! 

Nathan: Anything specific?

I stared at his text, relief washing over me. Dylan let out a cheer from winning against Lucky. Wow. Perfect timing. I was just so grateful right now. Nathan was literally the greatest friend ever. Now I have to think of someway to thank him. That shouldn’t be too hard, right? 

Ryker: They wanted spaghetti

Ryker: And thank you  

Nathan: No problem :)

Ryker: I guess I’ll be at the bus stop in about twenty minutes? 

Nathan: Okay 

I stuffed my phone in my pocket, “Okay, I’ll be right back, just text me if something happens.” I told Dylan, who nodded his head. And with that, I walked out the door and into the cold air. 

———Nathan———

Winters in the city were bad. But not as bad as when we were still help captive. Now those days were terrible. Horrifying even. It was still freakishly cold here. Not something I enjoy. For several reasons really. One being that I already get cold really easily. Two, I just hated being cold and sick. And the most important reason being that it was during this kind of weather when my dad had died. Actually, in three days it’s officially been nine years since my dad died. November 24. A long time, right? 

It hurts. The memories. Not just of him but how they brutally murdered him in front of his own child. I shuddered at the sight pictured in my mind. Nope. Can’t think about that. Right now I should probably be getting ready to head over to the bus stop. I already had packed a tiny bag with the things I needed to cook. Weird enough, it was kind of a therapy for me at this point. To be cooking I mean. I guess that’s why my mom always gets worried when I’m baking for no reason. Because she knows. 

I sighed, giving my mom a quick text that I was heading over to Ryker’s for a little while. The last time I went, I thought everything was going great before Jasmine talked to me alone. everyone had left to go looking for something and it was just her and I. I was scared of course. We’ve never, ever talked before and from what I’ve gathered she’s really intimidating. 

Her exact words to me were: “If you hurt my brother in any way I will personally murder you.” and that was was it took for me to have an entire mental breakdown for nearly two weeks. I mean, who wouldn’t be scared if someone’s sibling threatened you like that? So, the week before the break, I might have been acting a little weird around Ryker, afraid that I might actually do something wrong or hurt him in any way, which I don’t really see how I could. 

Otherwise, I haven’t really been doing anything. I told Ryker that I would be busy during the break, but really I wasn’t. Only because I do actually have something to do on November 24, and I was already feeling the depression spikes as the day came closer and closer. As for Thanksgiving itself, my mom and I never do anything. Last year we were barely getting used to being in the mental hospital so we didn’t really do anything. This year she’s working so it’ll just be me. Nothing new. 

I made my way down the icy streets, the sun setting faster and faster. It was only getting colder, and I didn’t really have a winter jacket. Just some to wear in the classroom like when it’s freezing in there. So, yeah, I was basically freezing my face off. Not to mention that my mom told me it might snow later tonight since it was already under twenty degrees outside. I wasn’t used to cold weather. 

Once I made it to the bus stop, I snuggled up with my bag on the bench, trying to have some kind of warmth. Also because there were several people (giants) who were going back home from stores or getting off of work. The bus stop was actually used for both humans and giants. The human was a little ways from the huge one that was practically as tall as a skyscraper. Maybe taller. 

My hands were shaky from the cold, but it was only another five minutes before Ryker would come and hopefully I wouldn’t be as cold. Maybe. Hopefully. I don’t know what today has in store for me. All I knew was that I just wanted to wrap myself in a blanket with some hot chocolate and binge watch something on tv. 

Ryker came a few minutes later, smiling and giving a thanks before offering a hand. I threw the bag on first before struggling to get on. It was hard when the ground underneath you was starting to freeze over, but I figured it out after trying for a good minute. 

“You’re freezing.” Ryker told me, cupping his hand just a little. Sure, it was scary to have his fingers closer to me, but still, it was warm. How could I deny something that was practically calling me? 

  “That good?” He smiled, for some reason making sure I was comfortable. But I was not about to complain. I was desperate at this point. I nodded my head, bringing my knees closer to my chest to keep some of my body warmth with me. And yet another reason I hate winter. 

“Thanks again. Sorry for bothering you.” 

I continuously shook my head, hoping he would get the message that it was fine. Plus, I liked going over. Everyone was nice (Besides Jasmine I’m pretty sure she hates me) and never really tried to do anything too crazy with me. It was great. I’m not as afraid anymore, which was a miracle given I thought I could never trust anyone ever again, and I’ve actually made some friends. 

Ryker opened the door to his house, where we found them all watching a movie together. Everyone turned their heads as soon as the door closed behind Ryker. I jumped slightly, but relaxed after a while. Nothing to be afraid of. Dylan’s eyes landed on me, giving a smile and a two fingered wave. I waved back, but I doubt he could see it. 

I was set down on the ground, not entirely expecting to be in a tight hug the second I balanced myself. Lucky bursted out laughing, letting me go, “You are literally the best, Nathan.” I laughed with him, following Lucky into the room. 

——————

I didn’t eat anything. I wasn’t hungry. Of course Ryker tried to convince me to eat something, but I always answered no. Otherwise, dinner was okay. They had Lucky, Angela and I on the coffee table, which wasn’t really too big of a deal. I’m pretty sure Ryker and Dylan just didn’t want to handle any humans while they were eating, and hey, I was not about to say anything about it. There are just some things that will never leave my mind. 

After everyone ate, Dylan and Lucky started playing a game on the tv while Isabelle and Angela were playing hide and seek I’m pretty sure. I just hoped that no one would get hurt, but Ryker quickly reassured me that they would never harm one another. I just had to believe him. Most of his siblings are stuck together like glue. Which is a good thing. 

“It’s supposed to start snowing in a little bit.” Ryker announced, earning cheers from the other room where I was guessing Angela and Isabelle were. I was sitting on the arm rest of the couch by Ryker. I kind of wished that their house was a little warmer, because I was still annoyingly cold, but beggars can’t be choosers. I should have asked to grab a blanket. 

“Nice. Are we gonna go out?” Dylan asked, eyes glued to the screen. I had no idea who was winning, but I think it was him. 

“If you want to.” 

Ryker threw his phone on the other side of the couch, turning his head to the screen. I don’t want to go outside, but I’ll go if that makes things easier. I just don’t want to be in the snow. Reasons. Remember? 

It was about ten minutes later that it did actually start snowing. Angela and Isabelle were begging Ryker to let them outside, which he just laughed to and told them to get jackets on and to bring their hats. Dylan paused their game to go get on a jacket, and Ryker left to go help Isabelle. So I was alone in the living room while everyone was busy to go have some fun. I hated winter. In just three days. I reminded myself. 

What would happen? Would someone else be claimed victim? Something bad always happens during this time. I don’t know if it was just me. It probably was. Everyone else was smiling while I was crying in the corner. It’s how it was in the hospital. They all went outside if they could, and I stayed in my room, under the blankets and shove my face into my pillow to drown out my tears. I couldn’t do that now though. Not when so many people had their eyes on me. Not when a trip back to the hospital was a very viable option for me. I didn’t want to go back. Not because of something… traumatic that happened nine years ago. I should be over it, right? But I’m not. 

There goes one of my depression spells. Great. Just great. At a time like this? I sucked in a deep breath, calming myself down before anyone notices. This was embarrassing. 

Ryker came back into the room, eyes landing on me with an unsure look on his face. He walked up to me, holding a hand out. Was he not going to wear any gloves? He wouldn’t be cold? I stood up, keeping my balance on the soft surface underneath me and walking to climb onto his hand. 

“You don’t mind if I just keep you in my hand, right? I don’t want you to be freezing.” He asked. I shook my head, sitting down in the middle of his palm. That was actually what I preferred. I did not plan whatsoever to go into the snow anyways. 

Once everyone was outside, Ryker sat down on the stairs, cupping his hand and keeping me close. A little uneasy about it, but there was really no reason to be. It’s just instinct. And everything in me right now is saying to get the hell inside. But I wasn’t going to say that. Mostly because I don’t want to be alone.  

They were all screaming and laughing. It was snowing pretty hard too, already covering most of the frosted grass just after ten minutes. Other people were also sitting outside. Their kids playing around with the snow. I tried not to focus on that. Instead, I found myself scooting back slowly, almost to where I couldn’t see the heavy fall of the white flakes. 

My body was still freezing. It was so much colder than before. Was this how dad felt? The cold pricking at his skin I mean. 

“Nathan?” My thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice above me. I groaned, body shaking and stuffing my hands in my pockets to preserve some of my body heat. I shuddered a breath, trembling. It’s so cold… How could they even be having fun like this? I looked ahead, seeing Dylan helping Isabelle make a small snowman with both Angela and Lucky stuffed in his scarf. This was just another one of my depression spells. 

“Still cold?” Ryker asked me. I took a deep breath, “Y-Yeah…” It came out more like a quiet mumble, and I was surprised that he even heard me. Did he want to help them make a snowman? He probably did. I should just tell him to leave me inside. It would make things a million times easier for everyone. 

Ryker moved his hand a bit, making me worried about what he was trying to do, but he just kept it the same. I wondered why he was going through all this trouble just for me. There was really no point. There was only a couple more months until graduation and then we’d go our separate ways. That’s how it always goes. I’d be alone again, figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. That’s how my story goes. 

“Better?” 

I nodded my head, getting to a comfortable position and decided to just watch what they were all doing. Finishing up the head of the snowman. It was comfy even though I was kind of scared from being in someone’s hand. At least now that is. Currently I was just afraid of falling into the deep snow. I’m pretty sure if I fell I’d sink into it. Not something I would like to see or imagine. 

“You okay?” Ryker asked, softly smiling above me. There was no other response other than to nod. I couldn’t just say no. That wouldn’t do any good. But.. maybe if he notices that these next few days would be hard for me. Maybe. Just maybe. I doubt it though. I don’t plan on being here all of the time anyways. I couldn’t. 

Isabelle finished the snowman, grabbing some loose twigs for arms as they stepped back. It was still snowing, just not as much. Was dad watching me right now? Was he shocked just as much as I was? I never thought I’d ever be able to be around another giant for as long as I had lived, and here I am, sitting in one of their hands. Would he think I was crazy? Delusional? Psycho? Happy like my mom even? I would never know, but even I think I was crazy. 

Actually… why did I even trust Ryker? Or really anyone. They’re all so nice of course, but about four months ago I was so sure that every giant would only hurt me, and it almost became true with that lunch incident that felt like forever ago. So why did I trust these people with my life? In the back of my mind I keep thinking that this was all just a sick joke being played on me. But… I don’t think these people are lying about anything. They don’t have a reason to. And Ryker’s been nothing but patient, and kind, and… understanding. No one would go through all that trouble just to fool someone as gullible as me. 

I sighed, snuggling up closer to Ryker’s thumb and watching Isabelle throw snowballs at Dylan who was shielding Lucky and Angela from the crossfire. Was it scary being there? In the midst of everything? Having to trust someone at least fifty times your size to keep you safe? I sucked in a shaky breath, just watching. It wasn’t so bad really. 

———Ryker———

Today was November 24. Thanksgiving was here, and everything was a complete mess. I never learned how to make a turkey like the tradition, so usually I just made something that all of us had liked. Along with that, I had to make sure no one did anything too crazy while I was busy in the kitchen. Jasmine and Dylan were helping out cooking while I ordered something for Lucky and Angela. They both agreed on pizza (Because what else does a fourteen year-old and a four year-old want) so now I was busy with that. That part was mostly because Angela didn’t like when Lucky cooks something different. 

It was just pure chaos now. Everyone was running around the house, and at that point I had to ask Jasmine to keep an eye on Angela to make sure she didn’t wander off where we couldn’t find her. I wasn’t too worried about Lucky since he’s almost always with Dylan, plus he’s smart enough to stay off the floor when it’s something like this. 

I took out the lasagna, letting it cool down before making separate plates. Yeah, I know, super weird, but I can’t do anything better. I only know the basics thanks to my parents, and that was all I needed to know. 

There was a knock on the door, and I asked Dylan to open it. It was just the pizza. I washed whatever dishes I had and called everyone that dinner was ready. It’s days like this where I wished that my parents never left. I feel like I can never be like them even though I was the oldest. I mean, was I just supposed to let CPS split us all apart? I couldn’t do that. My siblings would never forgive me. I like to think that they’re all happy, but I doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything to help any of them. Like I’m doing this “parenting” thing all wrong. Of course I was. I was seventeen in my last year of high school taking care of five kids on my own while also juggling a job and trying to do fun things with them so we can forget about what happened a little over a year ago. There was no reason for one person to be doing all of this. 

It was snowing outside again. Not really surprising when you’ve lived here for your entire life. It was really nice though. I loved the cold. Weird, because most people don’t, but I do. I remember my parents freaking out when I would just be outside making a snowman in just a short sleeve and sweatpants when I was a kid. Of course it was so cold it burned, but I guess I kind of liked it? It was hard to explain. Or sometimes we’d stay inside and watch movies or play a game. I missed it really. 

“Ry.” Jasmine snapped her fingers in front of me to get my attention. I blinked a couple times before giving a clueless look. She groaned, “I asked if I could go shopping tomorrow, I have work the next three days so I just wanna go do something.”

“Oh, um, sure.” 

The tv was playing in the background, but I wasn’t paying attention. Come to think of it, I don’t think I was paying attention to anything. Dylan, Jasmine, and Lucky were all laughing about something. What were they laughing about again? Something about going back to school? I don’t even want to think about that right now. I needed a break anyways. Most of my classes love giving me piles and piles of work anyways. 

I sighed, pushing away my plate that I had barely eaten. The sun has already set, everyone was done eating, Angela asked Jasmine if she could go outside in the snow. She said yes, and so Isabelle followed. Dylan and Lucky were helping me wash the remaining dishes. Honestly I already felt so tired. It was only 8 p.m but my eyes threatened to close at any moment. 

“You okay, Ry?” Dylan asked, putting a plate up in the cabinet. 

“Yeah.” I replied, handing him another to dry. Lucky shook his head while continuously saying “no” over and over again. At some point Dylan grew tired of it and pressed the pad of his thumb into Lucky’s entire upper half of his body. 

“He’s not wrong. You’re always like this on holidays.” 

“I am?” I sighed, not really knowing how to get out of this one. These two have always been vigilant anyways. They would have noticed at some point. 

“Yeah.” 

“I don’t know. I just feel really tired today.”  

“That’s it?” 

“Mhm.” 

Dylan gave me a skeptical look before putting in another plate. He doesn’t believe me. I don’t think he ever will about these kinds of things. 

“Why don’t you call Nathan? You always seem happier around him.” 

I stopped only for a second, then continued to scrub off something on the pan I used. No. I won’t call him. Not this time. No matter how many times he’s actually made me feel better just by being here. I’ve noticed I was happier around him too, but it’s only short lived since he always goes back at the end of the day. Do I know why I was happier? Not really. I’ve thought of a few reasons. Because he’s the only friend I’ve made since middle school. He listens to me ramble on and on about the most useless information. Best of all he’s really nice. Doesn’t really seem like he’s tricking me either. Not that I think he could even if he wanted to. He was too sweet. 

“No.” I sighed. Cleaning out the sink and handing off the last dish. 

“Why not?” Dylan asked leaning against the counter. 

“Cause I’m tired. No point in calling if I’m just going to fall asleep,” I countered, drying my hands and heading to my room, “Make sure Isabelle and Angela are asleep by 10? Please?”  

Dylan nodded his head, I closed the door behind me and buried myself under the covers of my bed. I can’t keep on relying on Nathan to come fix every problem I have. He’s probably off dealing with whatever he’s doing right now anyways. But still, my hand reached for my phone, grabbing it and opening the messages app. I’m just gambling with myself at this point. If he answers in the next ten minutes I’ll ask to call, if he doesn’t, I’ll head to sleep. Either way it’s really a win-win. And here it goes. 

———Nathan———

I was laying on my bed, under the covers. No lights, no sounds, just nothing. I had cried earlier this morning when I visited his grave. My eyes were dry now. Red and puffy. I just sat curling in on myself while clutching the same teddy bear he gave me when I was still just a kid. It was childish, but if it’s all I have left of him then I’m taking advantage of that. 

Ironic, huh? How this holiday was supposed to bring family together. It was actually the opposite for me. Even though he didn’t actually die on this holiday, it’s just ironic how it happened this year. When we’re finally free and live like a “normal” family now. Was he watching me now? Sad and lonely in my bed? I hope he wasn’t. He’d scold me. 

My phone went off, but I didn’t feel like looking at it. It’s not like I wanted to be alone. Usually my mom would cheer me up by taking my mind off of it. Whether it was playing some makeshift game or just doing something I liked with me. What else was there to say? This year was the year I was completely alone. 

I sucked in a deep breath, picking up my phone with sore arms. I spent most of the day digging out the old flowers on his grave and replacing them with new ones. It was hard to do when a thin sheet of snow was covering most of the dirt and grass, but it was worth it to see the bright a beautiful colors. His favorites were lilacs. I remember mom telling me that. 

My eyes shot up when I saw who texted me. Ryker? I mean it was already night, so I doubt he was going to ask if I wanted to go over. But… I was kind of curious now. 

Ryker: Hey

Ryker: How was your day? 

Ryker: You’re probably doing something right now but I’d just thought I’d check what you were doing 

Sent five minutes ago. Why did he want to know what I was doing? It seemed weird to me, but maybe he was just bored. Did they celebrate? I hope they did. They seem to be happy with each other. 

Nathan: It was okay :) 

Nathan: And yours? 

Ryker: Chaotic

Nathan: Oh 

I wasn’t technically lying. My day was okay despite crying for most of it. 

Ryker: Yeahhh 

Ryker: Do you feel like calling? 

Ryker: You don’t have to of course 

I thought about it. It wouldn’t be that bad. Might keep my mind occupied.

  Nathan: Sure 

And so he called. 

“Hello?” His voice sounded tired and sad, like he just woke up or something. I couldn’t find my voice. It’s become rasp from sobbing anyways. It’d be embarrassing for it to sound like that over the phone. So hopefully it’ll get better in the morning. 

“Oh, right,” He sighed, “Sorry. I just felt like talking and usually you listen. You can just hang up if you don’t want to though.” He sounded nervous, but I didn’t want to hang up. Not only because it was the wrong thing to do, but because I always loved listening to what he was saying. No matter how irrelevant it was. It distracted my mind from everything wrong with me. And he seemed to like it when I did. 

Nathan: I’m listening 

I heard him let out a little chuckle before talking. I could hear at some points it sounded like he was going to cry, and some he sounded like he was so hurt, and sometimes he’d laugh. He changed the subject multiple times, but I kind of liked it. I just wished I could help in some other way. It sounded to me like he was stressed out and just wanted someone to be there, and I’m surprised none of his siblings were. Or maybe they were, but he just doesn’t want to put all of this on them. It seemed like something he would do. 

By the time he was done, it was an hour before midnight. Funny thing was, I wasn’t tired anymore. I was putting together pieces in my mind still about everything he had talked about. How he was mentally tired of juggling five things around at once. I would be too if I were him. How he’s been more and more exhausted by the end of the day. How his parents usually did all of these kinds of things. I was going to ask what happened to them, but I feel like that was a touchy subject. Especially when he just vented to me. I don’t mind though. Not at all. 

“Oh crap. Sorry for keeping you up.” Ryker apologized, saying sorry about five times before I texted him that it was okay. I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. 

“Thanks. Y’know. For listening.” I heard him yawn on the other side. He was the one tired. I silently laughed to myself, hugging the bear closer to my chest. If only he could see me now… this was embarrassing. He’d probably make fun of me for it. I wouldn’t care. 

“You’re too nice, you know that?” I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. Probably Ryker getting ready to go to sleep. And I know this was selfish, but I didn’t want him to hang up. I didn’t want my mind to realize that I was alone again. Was is it really selfish then? To me, yes. It feels like I was making him do something he didn’t want to. 

“Hey, um, remember when you tried hugging me that one time? Why’d you do it?” He had asked, and I could practically see his face. Confused and happy at the same time. He was talking about when I had to stay overnight. I knew that would come up eventually, just not so soon. 

Nathan: Nobody’s ever been so nice to me before. Besides my mom of course 

Nathan: But I was kind of shocked you agreed without complaining 

Nathan: Are you mad about it?

“Mad? Nononono. Um, the complete opposite really,” He laughed quietly, “I was shocked, yeah, but happy too.” 

That gets rid of the guilt. I swear I thought I ruined everything between us, but now I know what he really thought. He wasn’t mad at me for anything. 

“What about the other day? When it was snowing. You looked comfortable. Like you were about to sleep.” My cheeks started blushing from embarrassment. I had hoped he didn’t see me snuggling closer into his palm to stay warm, but apparently he did. So embarrassing. I groaned quietly to myself, tightly hugging the bear closer. 

Nathan: Sorry 

Nathan: I was cold 

Nathan: You were warm 

Nathan: Sorry again 

It was silent for a second. 

“Why do you apologize for things like that?” 

I didn’t know the answer to that question. Usually my mind just takes over and then I spiral into the worst possible scenarios. So I have no idea why I do. Maybe because my brain thinks I’ll get hurt if I don’t? My body was scared of getting another broken bone or something getting hurt? 

Nathan: I don’t know 

It was silent again. 

“Do… do you like being around me? I-I mean most people stop talking to me as soon as they get what they want. So, I was just wondering.” His voice sounded hurt. Obviously this ha sharpened once or twice to him. And it hurt to hear that these things have happened to someone so amazing. I could never do that to Ryker. It’d hurt me more than it’d hurt him. 

“Y-yes.” I almost immediately replied, my voice a little raspy. It hurt to speak, but it was fine. It’ll get better in time. 

I heard him let out a sigh of relief, and I smiled. I was finally doing the right thing for once in my life. I’m kind of glad this was how the day ended. 

“I would give you a hug if you were here��� and if you were comfortable enough with it,” We both laughed quietly, “I’ll let you go to sleep. I’ve kept you up long enough.” 

I shook my head, forgetting that he wasn’t here to see it. I didn’t want him to go. Then again he sounded exhausted. Then I would be the one keeping him up. Or he doesn’t even have to stay awake. Just the knowledge that I knew he was just on the other side of the phone was enough to make me feel like I wasn’t alone. 

“U-Um you d-don’t have to s-stay up b-but could we stay… stay on call? P-Please.” I waited for an answer, biting my tongue for stuttering so much. My body was shaky for no reason. I was nervous. He was going to say no. He was going to say no. He was going to- 

“I would love that.” 

I wish he could see the smile I had on my face. How fast my heart was beating. I laid down under the covers, getting comfortable and staring at my phone that read: Ryker: 3:14. Three hours and fourteen minutes. Another seven won’t hurt. 

“Thank you.” 

I fell asleep a couple minutes after he did. No nightmares haunted me tonight.

—————————————

My heart is meltinggggggg

By the way, this was not the great scene I was talking about. This was just one of many to make the one I actually want to write make sense.

Anywayssss I told you guys it would be a little plot heavy for a while! I loved how this chapter came out though.

Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading! Love you guys!

[theaistired]

The Human In Us - Book 1: Hope - Prologue

Fall had started.

Trees were shedding their crowns in hope for a new spring, a farewell of summer’s grace. Hidden in the forest, animals were readying to dream through the winter, waiting out the cold’s pain. Brittle, yellow leaves were slowly falling, gliding through the air, bright like fireflies in the evening sun.

Josephine breathed in the cool air, the sun warming her skin. Around her, she could her the bustling of the nearby station, as students returned from their summer break back to university. The next semester was to start in a week, and some newbies were also bustling around in the late afternoon, some having spent the day being shown around by older students.

She took in the lively sounds but kept her eyes closed until she heard her bus approaching. After one last deep breath, she opened her eyes. As she boarded the bus, she kept her gaze steady, her eyes glued to the view outside the window, trying her best to ignore the figure lurking in her peripheral vision.

Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could convince herself that there was no figure.

It had never worked before, but she had to try.

Josephine put her head phones on and watched the houses pass by. She wasn’t listening to any music or podcast, she always tried her best not to. All she wanted from the sounds of the world was for them to be real. It was easier to tell what was real when the world was quiet. Having her head phones on smothered the engine of the bus and the chatter of the passengers.

The bus stopped and another passenger sat down beside her, unbothered by the lurking figure. They were overlapping now, mixing together with blurry edges. Josephine turned her head further around, closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the window. The vibration of the moving bus rattled through her skull and she focused on it, hating the noise but welcoming her lack of sight behind her closed eyelids.

She counted the turns and stops the bus did and quickly got off once she reached her destination. She tried to keep her steps steady and calm despite the iron-heavy breath the figure croaked into her neck.

Josephine turned the last corner and stopped dead in her tracks.

Two policemen were standing on the other side of the house she had her room in. They were talking to each other and surveying the forensic team that was gathering evidence around a car and the red splatter that covered its hood and painted the street.

“Sorry about the sight,” someone said to her right. Josephine startled and turned around. A third police officer, a woman, was leaning against a police car, drawing long smokes from a cigarette.

“…what happened?” Josephine asked, not even having to bother to pitch her voice higher.

“Drunk driver. Going way above the speed limit and straight into a pedestrian.”

“They aren’t going to make it.”

The policewoman gave her a soft smile. “Don’t be so pessimistic. They’re doing everything they can.” One of her colleagues called out to her and she sniffed out her cigarette on a trash bin before tossing the bud in. “Take care of yourself.”

Josephine watched as the woman joined up with the other two officers. She continued to turn her head until the lurking figure fully entered her view.

The woman seemed to be in her late twenties. She looked… normal, in a way. Just like anyone else you would see on the street. Her bare arms and hands were littered with a abrasions, broken fingers clasping a torn off foot. Without swaying, she was standing on her one remaining foot, trousers torn and bloodied, just like her shirt. Her torso was crooked from a twisted spine and shattered ribs, her eyes were empty and no movement of life filled her chest. Blood matted the hair atop her head, that had been bashed in where it had hit the windshield, shards of glass sticking in her cheek. Blood was tickling down nose.

She extended a hand, a slight tremor going through it, and pointed towards a handbag that the forensic team was picking up.

“Can… you get the picture in my wallet? I want to see my Mama…”

Josephine bolted. She ran to the front door, fumbling with her keys, uncaring about the noise as she ran up the stairs as soon as the door was opened wide enough. She didn’t greet Mia who was standing in the kitchen, she ignored everything in her way, slamming the bathroom door behind her before violently throwing up into the toilet. It is not real. It cannot be real.

[WIP Intro]

[soleilceirinen]

Renaissance | teacher!Cillian Murphy x fem!Reader - Part 12

Summary: you are an Art History student in your last year at university. Cillian is your teacher. A/N: in this story Cillian is about 20 years older than the reader. Everything happens in an alternative universe where he is not an actor or famous, he doesn't have a wife or kids like in real life. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistake! MASTERLIST - Part 11 - Part 13

You were one of those people whose mood was affected by the weather. And winter had finally arrived. The days were considerably shorter, with fewer hours of daylight and bone-deep cold. This morning when you woke up, you couldn't help but feel especially sad. Today was your birthday and you felt lonelier than ever in the last months. At least it was Friday and the week was almost over.  

At that moment you were sitting in class, at your usual spot by the window. In addition to being bored as hell, you were freezing. 

Your teacher was a very old man who spoke so monotonously that if you closed your eyes you could fall asleep. In fact, he was already retired but decided to return to the university to replace a sick professor. His methodology for teaching classes consisted of showing photographs of architecture taken by himself (forty years ago), while pointing with the cursor and saying: "this is that and that is this. Do you see it?"

You looked around, only to find about ten people spread throughout the classroom. They all had the same bored faces.

At this point in the semester, almost no one attended class, people preferred to stay home or go to the library to study for exams, or sleeping. That was what you wanted to do, go back to your small home where your bed was waiting for you and hide under the covers until the next day. 

No one had wished you a happy birthday yet. 

To make things worse, Cillian was gone. He had been away all week because he was invited to speak at a symposium in a different city; he would not return until Saturday morning. So you hadn’t seen him all week because all his classes had been cancelled as well as your tutoring sessions.

Once your teacher finished the lecture you picked up all your things and headed home without wasting time. At least you were close. After eating the first thing you found in the refrigerator, you resigned yourself to going out again even though you didn't feel like doing it at all. 

Just before you grabbed the keys to leave, your phone buzzed. You checked it out of habit, just to see that Olivia had written you a long message wishing you a happy birthday along with a gif of puppies. You couldn’t help but smile at her effusiveness.

-

Maureen and Laura weren't there either. 

That week the gallery was participating in an art fair so they left, leaving you in charge. Usually, with such small art galleries, having to go to a fair meant closing for several days but since you were there, at least they wouldn't stay closed for so long. Being left in charge made you feel mature, you could almost imagine yourself in a few years having your own art business. Although in reality, you weren't entirely sure of what direction to take with your professional career since research also caught your attention.

Only a couple of clients came in to pick up works they had purchased, and a few groups of fine arts students. They always used to walk through the gallery as if it were a museum but they never bought anything. 

A couple of hours before closing Maureen called you to see how the afternoon was going, after wishing you a happy birthday, she told you that you could close early and go celebrate. You thanked her, although you wouldn't go anywhere this year. 

After waiting for half an hour, you came to the conclusion that no one else was going to enter the gallery, so you followed Maureen’s suggestion and closed it. Instead of going directly home, you decided to stop at the grocery store and buy something pre-cooked for dinner. You didn’t feel like cooking after all. 

-

Once in your studio, you lit some candles to make the atmosphere a little cosier in an attempt to feel like home. You breathed in the scent, it was your favourite smell. Then, you put on your pyjamas and heated up the food, sitting on the couch ready to watch a movie. Outside it had started raining, as a perfect reflection of your current mood. 

Halfway into the movie your phone started ringing. You looked at the screen lazily only to find out that Cillian was calling. You picked up and brought the device closer to your ear.

“Hey”, you greeted him. 

“How is my birthday girl? How was your day?” His voice caused a wave of warmth to spread through your chest. 

“Fine”, you told him weakly, which he noticed.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” 

You sighed, trying to keep the tears at bay. “Yes, it’s been a tough week, that’s all. And today wasn’t much better.” 

He seemed to think for a few seconds in which he remained silent. When he talked again, his voice was softer. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Shooking your head, you let out a sight. “No, I don’t feel like talking about it. Thank you though, Cillian.”

He hummed in response, understanding that you weren’t in a good mood. In an attempt to lighten up your spirits, Cillian started talking about his week, the conferences he took part of, he told you of the interesting ones thinking that you would have enjoyed them and the boring ones too. He even managed to make you laugh a couple times, although you didn’t respond with anything other than monosyllables. 

“...and then I felt something on my shoulder and when I looked down I saw this old lady, one of the lecturers, and she was fast asleep leaning on my shoulder!” Cillian laughed at the other side of the line and you smiled.

“You are comfortable to sleep on, Cillian. Don’t try to deny it”, you joked. He huffed, amused.

“The poor lady was snoring, Y/N.” 

“I feel kind of bad for her, that must have been a bit embarrassing.”

“Absolutely”, he agreed. “By the way, Y/N, I know you don’t want to talk about it right now but let me tell you that if you need to talk to someone about whatever, just know that you can call me. It doesn’t matter the time or where I am, just call me. Alright?” 

Cillian’s sudden words left you speechless. A knot was starting to form in your throat. “Alright, Cill. Thanks.” 

“Don’t thank me, Y/N. I love you, I’m here for everything you need, remember that. I’m going to bed, my train leaves early tomorrow morning. Sleep well, darling.”

“Good night, Cillian”.

I love you. I love you. I love you. 

After hanging up, you realised that you were crying. Something as simple as a phone call had made you feel loved. More than ever during that week you wished that Cillian was there with you. 

-

The next morning you woke up with more energy than the previous days so you decided to bake something. After looking for an easy recipe, you decided to make chocolate chip cookies. Everything was going as planned, the cookies were in the oven and the dishes were draining after being washed. All that was left was waiting.

The doorbell rang, giving you a micro scare. A minute later you heard knocking on your door. 

When you opened it, the first thing you noticed were a pair of blue eyes crinkled at the corners the moment you appeared in front of him. Cillian was standing at your door, wearing the fluffiest sweater that you had ever seen. You let out a small scream of joy and wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in the soft fabric of his sweater.  

He wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up, hugging your body tightly. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, hugging in silence. 

“I wasn’t expecting you, Cill”, you finally said smiling widely, with your cheeks slightly blushed. 

“I told you my train left early, I can leave if you don’t want me here”, he said, erasing the smile from your face. 

You frowned and grabbed his wrist, pulling him inside your home and closing the door. 

“No!” You complained. “I didn’t mean that. I was just surprised to see you”, you started rumbling, making him laugh quietly. 

He reached and caressed your hair. “I know, Y/N. I’m just messing with you.” 

You let out a puff and sat next to him on the couch, legs crossed. Cillian put a large hand on your knee and gave it a squeeze. “Close your eyes”.

“Why?” 

He gave you a look that said do as I say. “It’s a surprise, eyes closed now.”

Sighing, you obeyed. With your eyes closed you sensed his weight leaving the couch and positioning behind your back. You opened your eyes when something cold touched the base of your throat, a small ornament hung from a thin gold chain. You held it between your fingers delicately, it was beautiful. 

You looked at Cillian, who was staring at you expectantly, crouching at the side of the couch to be at your height. 

“So? What do you think?”

“Is really pretty”, you whispered, biting your lip. 

“I have one too,” he confessed, showing you the matching chain. “I saw them in an antique store and thought of you.”

“Thanks, I love it.” 

It really meant a lot to you, the fact that he thought of you while he was away. Even the way he was looking at you at the moment, with a glint of adoration, made your heart ache. You felt your eyes beginning to fill with tears, so you throwed yourself towards him and embraced his shoulders while inhaling his scent. 

Cillian grabbed the sides of your face, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs before kissing you. When your lips parted, he whispered against your mouth. 

“Happy birthday, Y/N”.

[bridgyrose]

Good evening Bridgy. Got a oneshot for you to consider, if it should please you: Basically a fusion of the transfer student and whiterose penpal au's. I think it could be a cute fluffy oneshot, but as always it's up to you. Please have a nice day and such.

(I hope this suffices)

Weiss read the letter from her penpal, fingers tapping against the paper. It had been months since she had heard from Ruby, their last letter having been after she started going to Beacon. Though, she understood why it took so long for Ruby to respond. Between her own classes, training missions, and failing to lead her correctly, she was sure Ruby had been busy with much of the same. Still, she seemed to relax a bit as she read that Ruby was okay and the smell of strawberry cookies seemed to waft from the letter itself, a smell that Weiss learned to enjoy. 

“Miss Schnee, the headmaster is ready to see you,” the office secretary said. 

Weiss gently folded up the letter and stuck it in her uniform pocket, taking a deep breath as she walked into the General’s office. Her heart thumped in her chest as she stepped inside, her voice cracking as she made a small curtsey to him. “Thank you for talking to me about this.” 

Ironwood nodded and motioned to a seat in front of his desk. “You want to transfer to Beacon? You seem to be doing well in your classes here, you passed the entrance exam with flying colors, and your sister gave you a glowing recommendation to come here. Why would you want to leave?” 

“Atlas, wasnt exactly my first choice, and… I feel like I’ll have a better chance to improve at Beacon,” Weiss answered, sitting down as she dug through her backpack for her transfer paperwork. “And while I’m thankful that Winter gave a recommendation for me to come here, I want to take a different path of huntressing than she did.” 

“And by that you mean…” 

“I dont want to be a specialist in the Atlas military and would like to branch out and see other kingdoms.” 

Ironwood seemed to pause at the idea, taking the paperwork to look it over. “And you’re sure this is what you want to do?” 

Weiss nodded. “I am.” 

“Then I’ll see what I can do. Until then, you’re dismissed to your dorm.” 

Weiss gave a quiet thanks as she stood up and walked out of the office, making her way back to her dorm. Each step she took as quiet and slow as she looked down the empty hallways. Part of her was going to miss Atlas, but if it meant getting away from her father, then nowhere was too far. She stopped just in front of her dorm door, listening in to make sure her team was out before walking in and packing up her things. Though, as she picked up a picture of her team, she gently thumbed over the frame. 

“What are you packing for?” 

Weiss turned around to see one of her teammates walking into the dorm, slowly putting the picture back into her bag. “I’m… transferring out.” 

“I see. The Schnee didnt have what it took to be a huntress then.” 

“That’s not it at all, Violet.” Weiss closed her bag and stood up, folding up her sheets. “I told my father I would only be here for a year, and that year has gone.” 

Violet rolled her eyes. “Sure, that’s it. Nothing to do with losing your partner, right?” 

Weiss huffed as she listened to Violet leave the room, her heart breaking as she thought about the partner she had lost months ago. It wasnt her fault the training mission went wrong, the reports didnt tell them about the grimm in the mine. Or about how many grimm were in the area. Though, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that she let a teammate die, and that left a mark that would never go away. 

The next few weeks passed as the semester break came to an end, and Weiss watched out the airship window as she waited to arrive at Beacon. She tapped her foot against the floor of the cabin and held her letter from Ruby next to her chest, still not having told Ruby that she was transferring to Beacon. Not that she expected to end up on her team, but the thought had crossed her mind. Her heart started to pound hard in her chest as she imagined what Ruby was really like, only having seen a picture of her from Signal a couple years back. 

“We’re almost to Vale, Miss Schnee,” the pilot said over the intercom. “And then we’ll be arriving at Beacon shortly after.” 

Weiss nodded and folded up Ruby’s letter, putting it in jacket pocket and watched the city of Vale pass by underneath. She took a deep breath as she tried to calm herself and composed herself as she made sure her things were ready to be taken off the airship. Dust bag, clothes, hair care and makeup, all nearby and ready to be loaded onto her trolley to take to whatever dorm room she was given. She didnt care if it meant starting over as a first year again, or even ending up going through initiation, she was ready for a change of pace from Atlas. 

The airship landed after another half hour, and Weiss started to load up her trolley with her bags, smiling a bit as she saw Professor Goodwitch make her way to the landing pad. “I wasnt expecting a welcome.” 

“Normally we dont do this, but since you are a transfer in the middle of the year, I wanted to make sure you knew where to go.” Goodwitch handed over a packet of papers. “This will be your dorm assignment, your class itinerary, a few documents to read over and sign as a transfer student to make sure we can accommodate correctly if you have any restrictions, and a map of the campus. If you’re ready, I can show you where your dorm is.” 

“Thank you, that would be great.” Weiss finished loading up her trolley and followed Goodwitch through the halls of Beacon, taking in everything about the school. It was much more different than she expected from Atlas, giving more of a castle of the old kingdoms feel instead of the military base that Atlas offered. Though, it did seem harder to navigate. The dorms, while separated from the classrooms like they were in Atlas, didnt seem to have much rhyme or reason to which students were in which dorms, different teams from different years all in the same dorm halls. As well, classrooms were separated off by year instead of department, while easier to navigate between classes, made things a bit harder to navigate at the beginning and the end of the day. 

“And this will be your dorm.” Goodwitch pressed her scroll against a pad next to the door, letting it unlock and open. “You’ll be joining MIss Rose, Miss Belladonna, and Miss Xiao Long. Though, from the looks of it, they may be out for lunch, so you have a bit of time to settle before they come around. Make sure you fill out the rest of those papers and submit them to the headmaster no later than tomorrow morning.” 

Weiss gave a small nod and moved her trolley into the dorm, ready to unpack, freezing once she saw the beds. Instead of the bunks she was used to at Atlas, she instead saw four beds haphazardly set up to be bunk beds, clearly not set up by administration by the ropes and books that kept everything steady. The room was also far smaller than what she was used to, not a lot of closet space with the beds taking up a majority of the room. Still, she started to unpack her dust, stashing it under the empty bed and hanging up her dresses in the empty space in the closet. 

“Our new teammate is supposed to be here by now,” a younger voice said outside the dorm. “We should meet her.” 

“Alright, but then we need to get to Vale if you want to get that scope you’ve been looking for.” 

“It’ll be fine, we’ll have time.” 

Weiss paused for a moment as she listened to the door open, turning her head to see her teammates standing outside the room. She stood up to introduce herself, pausing when she saw a familiar face from one of her letters. “I-I’m Weiss. Weiss Schnee.” 

“I’m Yang, and this is Blake and Ruby,” Yang answered back as she pointed to Blake and Ruby respectively. 

Weiss slowly reached for her scroll and searched for the picture of Ruby she had saved before making her way to Beacon. A blush started to cross her cheeks as she looked between the picture and the girl in front of her. “R-Ruby Rose, right? The same one that’s part of the Remnant PenPal program?” 

Ruby nodded and climbed up to her bed, grabbing the wallet she kept under her pillow. “Yeah, how did you know?” 

“You and I write to each other.” 

Ruby paused for a moment, turning to look at Weiss. “Wait, you’re that Weiss? You’re supposed to be in Atlas!” 

“I was, but I transferred here.” Weiss looked away and started to focus on packing again. “But it sounds like you three are going to be busy, so I’ll finish packing-” 

“You could come to Vale with us,” Blake offered. “It’ll give us a bit of time to get to know you.” 

“I still have to unpack and then fill out some paperwork-” 

“You’ll have plenty of time for that,” Yang said. 

Weiss squeaked as she felt Yang pull her to follow them, her blush starting to grow as she watched her teammates walk ahead of her. Never did she imagine she’d end up on a team with the same person she had been penpals with for years, never once did she think she’d actually  meet up with her, and now here she was, at Beacon with the girl she had been slowly crushing on letter after letter. This was going to be an interesting couple years.

[twinklnyan4life]

I started playing Persona 5 Royal in 2024. well in the start of January and I enjoyed it and want to play it again for great content but it will kinda wait because of College Semester returns and got stronger. I made two new characters during the between winter break and near end of it. One of them will be in the next main story after Disney Yokaisona Club story but next one here, is coming in Yokaisona Guardians 101 if I have free time break for the main story. Who knows. I’m taking a day of a time.

Anyway introducing the new character. By the way some spoilers from Persona 5.

Ace- He came from the Velvet Room, not knowing where he came from and what his real name. The only thing he remembered is his permanent scar on his face and Igor and the resident members practically raised him until Joker visited there and Igor gives Ace to him (also not knowing is a Yokai) and Joker give him his name right after playing cards. (Not knowing Ace is at home the whole time and to think Joker dreaming all this). Ace can be impressionable as he around Joker, acting like him and but bit clumsy. He even has to steal things as his practice which annoys everyone but at the end, he return them. Ace can be a charmer but end up as a fail (especially flirting with the girls in his age group). He also dress in his phantom thief but didn’t earn his persona but he learn to be sneaky at times. He also a bit clueless to think Joker and Ren is the same guy because of mask.

I hope you enjoy him and more of him can be on the way. Hope I have free time to write him as something good in YG101.

[ejenvs3000w24]

Launching Into Nature Interpretation

Hey Everyone! My name is Evan, in my last semester here at Guelph. Welcome to my blog:)

My current relationship with nature seems to be transitioning from a purely physical perspective to one that strives to learn more about the ins and outs of what makes things possible, and the purpose behind it. Why do certain trees grow in certain environments? Why are certain plants and mushrooms edible and others poisonous? Did we really go through thousands of generations with people eating a certain plant, dying as a result, and now being taught not to eat that certain plant through word of mouth? These are some of the types of questions I ponder as my current relationship with nature grows.

Besides this, my physical relationship with nature now consists of going on hikes with friends, foraging or just finding different shrubs, trees, or fungi, and since the completion of my program, viewing the natural landscape as a medium for sustainable designs. I just finished my program in Landscape Architecture and now finishing up electives. My hope is that I can take what I have gained and apply that knowledge to interpreting nature for others.  At this point in my life I feel so educated about nature and at the same time feel like I have barely scratched the surface.

I discovered these little guys on a walk when I was living in my student house in Guelph. Based on the fact that it was during winter months and growing on a dead piece of hardwood, I'm fairly certain these are Flammulina velutipes, commonly known as velvet shank or enoki mushrooms (they are edible and choice but I'm only a beginner so I just got this cool picture instead)

The wonderful thing about my current relationship with nature is that I never used to think this way. As a kid, I never thought about the purpose behind things in nature, I just assumed a thing is a thing because it grows and that’s it. I believe my perspective towards nature has evolved through experience. Experiencing climbing trees, falling off trees, trying to catch frogs in a local pond, or using a torch to burn a leach off my leg because I was trying to catch frogs in a local pond. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a middle-class household, and so my old home used to back onto a small ravine and mixed deciduous forest.

Every day after school, my brother and I would put on our waterproof boots, maybe pack a granola bar in the pocket for a snack later, and we would just walk. Walk into the forest, straying away from any desired lines, making your own path, jumping in puddles, listening to birds chirping, or getting hit in the face with a buckthorn branch because your brother didn’t wait for you. We would just walk and talk until there was no more forest to be found or until we stumbled upon the next subdivision of neighborhoods. I truly believe this is where my appreciation and curiosity for nature was born. 

A little blurry but I think it still gets the point across lol. My brother on the right and myself on the left after one of the many afterschool hikes.

When thinking about how one develops a sense of place, it typically can happen in more than one setting, and even under different contexts. For me, my sense of place stems from two major experiences in my life so far. The first, already mentioned above, but I really found such bliss going on hikes and walking in the forest behind my childhood home. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it feels like you are transported into an entirely new world, where you experience taking your first steps past the forest edge, the wind no longer hitting your face and this calm silence grows until it becomes a peaceful white noise. I really felt like this forest was part of my home; I used to call it my backyard when I was younger because it really allowed me to find comfort in nature.

The second experience is going to my cottage every year. For context, my cottage sits on the shores of Georgian Bay, in Lion’s Head, Ontario. My grandad’s father bought the property in 1939, where they moved their little old trailer onto, and built the most vintage-looking bungalow which I now call my cottage. Georgian Bay is an incredible location, I may be biased but if you haven’t been there I highly suggest it. Connected to the Bruce trails and a part of the Niagara Escarpment, this environment offered a radically different landscape than where I grew up, even though it’s only about four hours northwest. The rocky limestones coupled with blue shale make this environment unforgettable and have allowed me to experience having a sense of place in a completely different environment than what I’m used to. Thanks for reading and see you on the next blog:)

View of the Niagara Escarpment at Lion's Head Provincial Park, Ontario

[thehumanexperience8b]

February 1st, 2025: I Dropped Out Of College.

It's been three days since my insanity spiral and I just wanted to say.. I'm sorry. I don't know WHAT is going on?! I've been flipping and flopping and I'm anxious because I'm happy right now, but I wonder when I'm going to come down. The day after the last post was my first day of college back from winter break. It was one of the worst days I've had for a long while. I go to my first class nervous, because it's college level algebra, and last semester I dropped out of my algebra class after three days! This time I felt it was different. I had two coffees for focus and everything was going well.. until she started talking about what we'll be learning and the homework. The homework was 39 questions, and she said if we already know the material it'll be quick, but if we don't know it and have to revise? Ten to TWENTY minutes PER question. I don't know if I heard wrong, but when she said that I practically shut down. I lost it. I still had a smidgen of hope.. because we took a bit of a practice session and I got the first two questions right, but I couldn't get passed the third. After class I went down to the guidance office and asked about my options. I was told that I was already at the lowest algebra if I want it to count as a credit, if I wanted to do something else I would need to take elementary algebra as a prerequisite but it will not count. I decided if I want to actually be happy, I can't pursue environmental science, or even studies. I wanted to learn art. I'm good at art, yes! I am good at art. Everyone knows me for my creative expression. I still have to take math. They tell me to go check out the tutoring service, but when I do... the woman asks me why I feel I need to be tutored. I couldn't explain why, just that I had bad memory and I know the math... I just can't reach it. She didn't seem to understand. I just felt bad. I waited outside for the next hour for my next class which was Spanish. I joked on Discord that I would rather join the military than do another math class. That was an exaggeration, but there's always seriousness behind what I say. Spanish class was worse than math. It happened so fast.. I couldn't understand, I couldn't focus. I started crying. But he didn't notice the tears streaming down my face. I wonder if he would have asked if I was okay, I might not have dropped out. I felt so alone amongst those people. Everyone was smart, but I was not. I never made friends in college, only acquaintances. It was only a room of students, and me, a blurry face, never fully present. I thought about what would happen if I didn't go to college many times before and after I graduated high school. It was sort of a MANIC decision for lack of a better term, but it also wasn't. I know what's best for me. And I've always been told I need to go to college to have a good life, to get a good job, which means if I don't go to college I'll have a bad life. But that's not true! America is so fucked right now it's "damned if you do, damned if you don't." I've been letting that anger build for so long. I'm scared now. I don't have the stability anymore that school gave me: the hope that I will be successful and make a difference in the world. But I realized that I don't need to be a successful, famous scientist to make a difference. I already make a difference a lot of the time. I take a lot of pride in the fact that I donate a lot of money to causes I believe in, and if I have a job that makes me happy, I'll be way more conscious about spending that money for good, rather than assuming my job is enough. I'm always trying, I'll never stop even though it hurts sometimes. It hurts a lot actually. "Sometimes even to live is an act of courage." -Seneca

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

holy fuck it’s been a minute since i posted!

almost 1600 days as a matter of fact aka almost 4 and a half years. my last post was early december of 2019, so like 3 months before life as we knew it ended.

tldr at the end!

this blog was largely based around the adhd experience in school, so some school updates!

i was a senior in 2020 so i “graduated” that may and my entire first year and a half of college was 100% online so that was certainly…interesting. second semester of sophomore year they reintroduced a couple of in person classes, mainly ones where zoom was impractical to use, such as my ASL classes. so i was one of the first students back on campus and that was cool but also horrible and extremely stressful and difficult to navigate. i was already struggling with my grades but that just made it worse. i started failing classes left and right, and basically failed my entire junior year first semester. second semester junior year i had just completely given up but was still taking classes to please other people, i enjoyed the actual learning between my two degrees but i just couldn’t keep up with school and everything else in my life. and then this last fall i had signed up for classes two weeks into the semester bc i was originally planning to take the semester off so i was extremely behind….and then two weeks after that i found out i had to move to a different state and ended up having to drop my classes anyways.

that break really forced me to slow down not just in school but all aspects of life. i got “settled” about halfway through october just to have to spend about 50-60% of the next 5 months traveling to and from home and my new state for many reasons. as it stands currently, unless i wish to pay out of state tuition i have to wait until about february or march of 2025 before i can get enrolled in a local university.

HOWEVER, i have decided and am actively looking into EMT schools for the summer and am currently looking for a second job in order to save up for that and im extremely excited about it! ill finish those degrees later lmao.

now, for the not school related life update that will show yall just why i was gone!

as many of yall may know i was diagnosed with adhd at 16, so in 2018, and had just been figuring a bit of it out when i started this blog. i was working and going to school and dealing with a lot at home but it was manageable for awhile. junior year was stressful and then i got extremely sick right around when i stopped posting so i had ended up taking some time off from content in order to focus on that. then covid hit and my life completely crumbled. i was already in online school so i didn’t have to slow down or wait for my school to figure stuff out and was able to finish business as usual. i was living at the time, with my grandparents, mom, sisters, and brother in one house, so it was always chaotic but being stuck in the house became a nightmare. lots and lots of family drama came from that and we were all stuck there because of how at risk both my grandparents and mom were.

the summer rolls around and i end up finally able to leave the house and get another job. it was a shit job but it got me out of the house so that was worth it. my “best friend” and i had been searching for apartments together so id needed to save money and was actively buying things and scheduling tours until she told me with less than a weeks notice that she was moving states and shortly after that basically quit acknowledging my existence. between family stuff, struggling with the start of college online, and then that i was not doing well mentally. i was lucky enough to have a couple friends that saw this and made sure to constantly keep checking on me and getting me out of the house more and more.

and then we moved. my mom, sisters and i started looking for a new place to live winter of 2020. my health had also taken a serious toll. i couldn’t even sit up in bed without feeling dizzy and was fainting regularly and had to quit my job because it got so bad. january 6th i got a call from my dr to go to the er immediately after she got some lab results back (i watched the capitol riot live on tv in the waiting room!) and was hospitalized for a few days after that. i got released and that next day we toured a house and it ended up being the one we bought.

within a month we were moving into the new house, school was kicking my ass, and i was still struggling physically and it had taken an even bigger toll on my mental health.

at the end of my freshman year i got a puppy and he and my friend genuinely saved my life. that summer, our family dog passed extremely unexpectedly and i had to pay all the vet bills for that and it really damaged my finances. my brother moved in and my life got worse again. and then we rescued a 3 week old kitten and couple months later i started another job. and then quit that job because my health was declining once again.

spring of the next year my sister and i got a job at the same place, and life seemed to start to steady minus my failing every class i took and my mental and physical health continuing to decline.

by fall of that year, after a lot of struggling throughout the family and a lot of other issues, we collectively agreed we had no choice but to send my brother rehab. he went, got out, immediately relapsed and we decided he had to go live with his biological father. i was thrilled because my brother genuinely abused me and then i adopted another kitten for my birthday that year.

this situation led my mother and his father to reconnecting and a month later they were engaged, they got married about 6 months later and had a long distance marriage of my mom traveling back and forth between him and my brother and the rest of the family.

about 4 months later my best friend moved states and it really sucked. and then another couple months passed and we found out that despite my working 60+ hours a week on top of school, i wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet anymore as we lost one source of income that had been what we needed to make ends meet each month.

so we moved my sisters into our grandparents house again since they wanted to stay in that state to finish school as they had less than a year left, i packed my stuff and my pets and after months of wondering what i was going to do a room at the house my moms husband/his parents and family/my brother opened up and my brothers grandparents were gracious enough to let me move in without having to pay rent. apparently i was a better option than the alternative. my mom conintued to split her time between here and back home.

i unexpectedly had to make a trip with my best friend back home as an old friend had passed and we wanted to attend the funeral so we went home for a couple days. a week later i was back home once again for thanksgiving and birthdays during which i was present at the mall for black friday shopping w mom and grandma and experienced a mass shooting. and then thought my sister was shopping at the same mall w her boyfriend and damn near was running back in while on the phone with them when he corrected her and told me they were at the other mall……not at all traumatizing. and again three weeks later for christmas. january i was job searching and got a job early february…just to have to, you guessed it, make another emergency trip home! my sister had gotten into a snowboarding accident so we flew my mom back there that day and the next day my sister stopped breathing because she was medically overdosed so that was a very traumatic call to get. my best friend flew me back home about a week after her accident to help out, god bless him for buying the plane tickets and my boss for hiring me and immediately letting me leave town!

while back home, my other sister got engaged, and a month later we went on a family vacation. i’m now back at my new house again, planning my next trip back home for my sisters wedding in less than a month, and a second trip later in that same month for their graduation.

seriously, bless my boss for being so insanely understanding and flexible.

throughout all this time my grandpa has had a handful of major health scares so that’s been a constant concern. but they are moving out here after my sisters graduate! and my sister that isn’t getting married is going to school in another state, and the one getting married will obviously be moving in with her soon to be husband.

hopefully i’ll have a second job by early june, and will be able to save enough to start EMT classes by august.

i don’t know how i would’ve made it through the last few years without the friends i have. they’re genuinely the best people i know. and of course my dog and cats, my babies, the reason i get out of bed.

so, if you read that far, first of all, congratulations bc that was a lot! and second, if you think that was bad, just know i was only scratching the surface! yay me…

tldr: life has actually sucked so insanely bad the last 4.5 years and it is from the combined effort of a miracle from God and a couple of ridiculous lot stubborn friend and my pets (and multiple therapists! sandra, natasha, kennedy if you see this, you the real ones!) that i’m still here.