#not tagging tim this ain't about him.

[sunnwalker]

She doesn't know his real name why would she.

I know what I said about drawing Tim again but these are actually going towards something that means so much more to me so it's fine i just feel like a liar

[rustedhearts]

somebody told me (fratboy!steve harrington x fem!reader)

summary: steve has made it very clear that he doesn’t want you. but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

uses she/her pronouns and female anatomy.

i want your things in my room (part one) the library record store

tags: angst, mean!steve, so much tension, yeah the football player is tim riggins in my mind and so what?! i literally wrote this months ago, enjoy <3

"heaven ain't close in a place like this"

— somebody told me, the killers

may 1st, 2009

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

It came hissed in the doorway between the second floor fraternity steps and the sticky wood paneled wall. Steve hovered above you, breath sour with beer and a new bottle dripping condensation through the hand dangling at his side. His eyes were slanted and directed down at your eyes watching him in surprise.

30 seconds ago, he cornered you against the wall after your swift trip to the bathroom. You caught eyes with him across the kitchen nearly an hour ago, and it took all this time of carefully scanning your movements when you weren’t looking for Steve to get you away from the junior you came with.

“What are you talking about?” you laughed. “It’s a party.”

“I didn’t invite you.”

You swallowed, trying not to let your good-natured grin drop. You were well aware that Steve didn’t invite you.

After he practically ran from your bedroom two weeks ago, things went radio silent between you and Steve. You texted, he didn’t answer. You called once, thought about leaving a voicemail, and spent a whole weekend crying when you realized: he didn’t want you. Someone who wants you doesn’t flee your room the way he did that night.

You were perfectly content wallowing in your idiocy for ever thinking Steve Harrington could have a special spot for you in his tiny, shriveled heart—until said junior you were attending tonight’s party with saw you at the dining hall.

You were studying late into the evening, sitting all alone at a table near the fireplace with your books sprawled out and your picked-at dinner in scraps. He came staggering in with a band of other men, all sweaty and half-dressed from practice. He was a linebacker on the football team, and he looked damn good easing into the chair across from you and making it squeak.

His name was Tim and he had a handsome smile, and a slow way of talking in this Texan drawl that had you blushing. For the ten minutes he sat and talked to you and asked you what you were so focused on, you forgot all about Steve.

You texted for a week, grabbed a few lunches and coffees together, and now here you were. At a frat party, invited not by Steve—but Tim.

“I know that,” you told Steve, pulling your arms up to fold them over your chest. Steve’s eyes flashed down to your breasts cupped under a black lace bra peeking through a red shirt.

“I came with Tim.”

Steve screwed up his nose, pulling back a little. “Tim? Tim who?”

Huffing, you pushed yourself off the wall and pressed Steve back by the shoulder. “Tim, Steve. Now, excuse me, but I’m gonna go find him—“

“No, hey.”

Steve snatched you by the elbow, causing you to fumble on the carpeting and narrowly miss someone heading up the steps. You gasped, stumbling into Steve still against the wall.

“Steve, what the hell?”

“‘m not done talkin’ to you.”

You glared at him, wrenching your arm away with force. “I don’t care.”

You rushed down the steps before he could speak again, head suddenly swollen with confusion, heart pounding hard in your chest. He hadn’t touched you in weeks. Hadn’t spoken to you, looked at you, so much as acknowledged you since the last time he was inside you.

All it took to get his attention was to finally attempt to move on? It was bullshit. It made your cheeks flame and your mouth line with sweetness that made your stomach coil. It wasn’t fair.

“Hey.” That soft Texan drawl called to you.

You raised your head from where you were glaring at the floor, softening when they found Tim’s green gaze. He grinned at you, still holding your red plastic cup from earlier. You retrieved it from him and allowed yourself to tuck into his side under the weight of his arm.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you told him. “Long bathroom line.”

Steve stepped into the fluorescents of the kitchen, weaving his way through bodies with wide, squared shoulders. He tossed a quick glance your way and shook his head as he made his way through the room. And what pissed you off most was the fact that he thought he had the right. The right to be upset, the right to think anything of you.

“Baby, you look so pretty in that lil’ top,” Tim said, tipping his chin down to you with a lopsided grin. He was a few beers in and loopy.

You grinned. “Do I?”

“Mhm. Real pretty—come gimme a kiss.”

You perked up on your toes to meet his mouth. His lips were always warm and soft and soaked in beer. Lord, college boys drank a lot. If you closed your eyes and forgot where you were, sometimes he even tasted like Steve.

But Tim always called you baby, and Tim always called you back. He walked you to class with your books in his arms and a hand on your waist, opened the door for you, and helped you into his truck when he took you for coffee.

And Steve? Steve acted like you didn’t exist if his dick wasn’t inside you.

Your tongue was just slipping past Tim’s teeth when you were torn apart by force. Tim stumbled aside, knocking you as he went and catching you quickly with a hand on your waist. Both your heads turned sharply toward the assailant.

Steve stood near the island where Tim had previously been, holding a bottle of beer and a look of nonchalance. His eyes glided from Tim’s look of surprise to your absolute glare.

“Sorry about that,” Steve said coolly. “Wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Tim resumed his spot beside you, and your body felt like it was vibrating against his. Every part of you was burning—and you couldn’t tell from what. Anger? Humiliation? Arousal? Maybe all three. You swallowed with difficulty and let Tim pull you in again. But your eyes never left Steve’s.

And his never widened from their slits. The ball of muscle near his jaw bone knotted when he clenched his teeth and it didn’t move.

“You okay, baby?” Tim’s attention was on you, and you looked away from Steve to smile at your date.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

The footballer had an easier lightness to him. Breezy, taking things with a grain of salt. He didn’t bother fighting Steve for his ‘mistake.’ He didn’t scold him for knocking you. He only smiled at you with a pair of pretty dimples and kissed the top of your head, arm bending around your shoulders.

“Wanna get outta here?”

Because he’d be going home with you. And it only took Tim a few moments to deduce that it was that fact alone that would drive Steve crazy. Even if you couldn’t.

You nodded, hand rubbing over his chest. You spared one more glance toward Steve, who had stepped away toward the other side of the kitchen with slow, slithering steps. He took a swig of his beer and clenched his teeth on the swallow.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Tim held your hand on the way out, guiding you down the front steps and toward the street. Your arms swung over the pavement, and you almost felt compelled to check if Steve was watching. What the hell was wrong with you?

“So what was that?”

You peered up from the pavement to Tim’s green eyes. “What?”

He cocked his head back at the brightly-lit house dimming behind you. The music faded the further you went. He was still wearing that dimpled grin.

“Back there, with that guy.”

You inhaled, looking back toward your feet. It only took a few moments to decide that you didn’t want to lie.

“We…used to hookup. But it’s completely over, I swear.” You skirted to a stop, gathering Tim’s other hand and meeting his eye again. “He’s just being a dick about it.”

He snorted. “I sort of got that when he came from across the room to ram into me.”

A giggle burst from your mouth, but it drooped into a frown. “I’m sorry.”

Tim frowned, brows creasing. “For what? You don’t got nothin’ t’ be sorry for, pretty girl.”

The warmth pulsing in your chest you could certainly make sense of now. “Okay.”

He grinned again, dropping one of your hands to squeeze your chin affectionately. “Okay. Come on.”

You walked the rest of the way to your apartment with his heavy arm over your shoulders again. And Steve watched from the front seat of his car, knowing exactly where he was going as he peeled away from the curb.

✶ ✶

“Alright, goodnight, little lady.”

“Goodnight, Tim.”

Your voices were punctuated by the slam of a door. Quick footsteps followed, a rhythmic succession ascending the staircase. Over the creaky board on the other side of the door, then—

“What the fuck?”

It burst open to a streak of lamplight in your bedroom and one Steve Harrington shadowing it at the foot of your bed. He had your university football teddy bear in his hands. It was a gift from Tim and it had his number on the bear’s soft yellow t-shirt.

Steve leapt to his feet. “What are you doing?”

You couldn’t seem to close your mouth. It hung open as you watched Steve raise his brows and jerk his chin expectantly. He tossed his arms out on either side.

“Huh?”

You came to your senses with a hard blink. “What am I doing? What the hell are you doing? How did you get in here?”

“Same way I always get in,” he quipped.

Heat touched your cheeks as you stepped into the room and gently clamped the door shut. You snatched the teddy bear from his hand and placed it back on your desk silently. Your purse fell to the floor where you were standing.

“You didn’t answer me. What the fuck are you doing?”

“Is this about the party or Tim?” You kicked your shoes off one by one, keeping your back to Steve and his stupidly pretty face.

You had such a soft spot for pretty boys, it seemed.

“You know what? Both.”

“Okay,” you sighed, pulling the first layer of your outfit off. Steve’s eyes scanned the lace of your tank top as red fabric made its way toward the hamper. “Tim and I are seeing each other. Tim wanted to go to the party, which happened to be at your frat—alas, there we were.”

The mattress springs yipped when you bounced on the edge to pull a clean pair of socks on. You wanted to strip your jeans, too, but you didn’t want to give Steve any ideas. He was already standing there with his arms crossed and his biceps and chest all puffed and sculpted. He already had that handsome pink tinge to his cheeks: his beer blush.

“Well, it’s weird,” Steve stated.

You rolled your eyes, exhaling a snicker. “Okay, Steve. Can you leave now? I’m tired.”

Steve tapped his finger on his arm, watching you shift on the bed and feign exhaustion. He chewed his cheek for a minute before reaching for his hair.

“Well…you know I missed you, right, sweetheart?”

He dropped his hands and softened his eyes into that soft, puppy-dog pout. Your scoff was sharp and sliced through the room. Steve stepped toward the bed.

“Right.”

“No, really,” he urged, sinking into the mattress before you. “You know I was just made president, and I just got super busy, that’s all. I meant to call you.”

You tipped your head at him and stared directly into those faux-pleading hazels. "How come everything you say to me sounds like a line, Steve?"

Steve sat unblinking for a moment. Then his cheeks colored a rosy shade, and he covered it with a cruel scoff and another sweep of his hair.

"What? Come on, you-you know I like you."

You pushed off the bed, head shaking. That warmth was slowly but surely returning to your body in violent form. You pulled your hair off your neck and padded toward the window to open it. Your room already smelled too much like Steve.

"You like playing with me," you corrected, keeping your back to him even as the mattress shrieked with his freed weight.

"You know, you're such a bitch-"

You spun around, shoving him by the chest. Steve stumbled a step back, but the smirk on his face made you regret even touching him at all.

"Get out."

"Hell no," he bit, lunging back into place. He grabbed at your arm again. "You think Tim wants you either? You think he doesn't just like playing with you? You always gave it up so easy."

Tears bubbled in the edges of your eyes. A tingling burn settled in the bridge of your nose. You shoved at him again and angled your head away from him and his sneering scowl and beer breath.

"Fuck you, Steve."

“You’re trying to replace me? Hmm?” Steve cocked his head to meet your eye, and you wished you could will away the hot tear trickling down your cheek. “That’s fine, sweetheart. I’ve got ten of you in my pocket.”

He shoved your arm away with a scowl, and you sniffled as he headed toward the door. All the hot-headed, enraged words pulsing on your tongue shriveled and died—and they were replaced with a hurt and heartbreak that was so familiar it was almost comfortable.

Yet as he opened your bedroom door, you rubbed your arm where he had held you and sniffled.

“Stay away from me, Steve.”

Door in hand, Steve turned and scoffed at you. “No problem.”

✶ ✶

You spent the next hour crying between makeup wipes and playing your radio on low. Pulled a faded grey t-shirt from your pajama drawer and tried not to look at Steve’s face rumpled at the bottom on a white t-shirt. Why hadn’t you thrown it away? He was so hard to let go.

With the football bear cradled to your chest, you wiggled under the covers and reached for the lamp. Your phone buzzed consecutively on the nightstand, causing pause. The plastic clicked on its hinges as it flipped open, and the sheets rustled when you shot up in bed.

u up?

tim is a fckn l0ser

answer

i’m sorry

The first time he called, you didn’t answer. You watched the small square light up with his name, felt the plastic shake in your palm with the force of its ring.

answer

Another call. You pressed the green button, but waited.

“Hello? Hey-hello?” His faded voice brought you from your daze.

You pressed the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“Jesus, do you not read your texts?”

“Wh-what…why are you calling me?” Disbelief colored every syllable from your mouth.

Steve huffed. “I just…how much do you really know about this Tim guy?”

You looked at the bear sitting on your lap against the sheets. “About as much as I know about you, Steve.”

The line buzzed with quiet for a while. You played with the hem of the teddy bear’s shirt and gnawed on your lip. An ache balled in your chest when the thought of him hanging up occurred to you.

“Fair,” he said quietly.

Sighing, you shimmied under the covers again and reclined back against the headboard.

“Why are you calling me, Steve?” This time it was softer. You couldn’t give in to him anymore, but you had to hear him out. He never called you like this.

He never acted like he cared until now.

“Just…don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

You scoffed, pressing your palm against your head. Despite the way your heart pulsed with excitement, and the way your nerves locked up at the thought—you knew Steve didn’t mean any of it. He was just jealous. He wanted you as his personal plaything and he didn’t like to share.

You couldn’t swallow it anymore. You couldn’t keep biting your tongue to stay the perfect toy in hopes he might see you as more.

You had to end it.

“You already took care of that, Steve.”

You reveled in the buzzing silence of the other line for a beat.

“Goodnight,” you told him.

And you hung up the phone.

[probablyreadinsmut]

The Mrs Clause.

Jackson Joel Miller X Afab!Reader

Named after the 2002 Tim Allen Christmas movie - The Santa Clause 2.

Summary: You and Joel are Patrol partners who have been dancing around your feelings for each other for the longest time. Tommy has had enough of it and decides to intervene, setting Joel and you up as Santa and Mrs Claus.

Warnings/Tags: No smut in this part, but there will be in part two. One use of the word 'cock'. Just a lot of awkwardness from both parties (they're both dumb for each other okay?). Tooth rotting fluff in parts. Tommy being a meddling matchmaking menace, Maria enabling him like the good wife she is. Language (Swearing). Mention of pet loss. Nicknames. Tension. Implied legal age gap (nothing more 25-35 years ish, Joel would be about 57 in this). Reader has breasts and a vagina. Reader wears a skirt and heels but it's part of your costume. No mention of height, weight, skin colour or specific age. Images used in the banner above are just for aesthetic purposes, you are the main character in this fic. If I missed anything let me know!

Divider credit: @strangergraphics thank you for these adorable Christmas dividers! Merry Christmas to you! ❤️🎄

Banner made by me on canva which is why it's a little janky but we move (pls don't zoom in on it lmao)

Joel

It's Christmas time in Jackson! The town Square was beautifully decorated with twinkling fairy lights and leafy garlands with holly and pinecones weaved into them, wrapped around the street lamps. The freshly cut pine tree stood proudly in the centre of it all with more lights carefully spiralling around it and a bright star on top.

While Joel is making his way to his therapy appointment that day, he notices a crowd gathering around the town notice board, everyone is abuzz with excitement about something and his curiosity piques.

Making his way to the back of the small crowd that's formed in a horseshoe around it, he sees Tommy and Maria, with little TJ on her hip, pinning something to the board.

It's when Tommy finishes up and turns around that Joel locks eyes with him. The slow shit eating grin that spreads across his face sends alarm bells ringing in Joel's head.

As Tommy steps out the way for the residents at the front to take a look at the new announcements, the snickers and stares start. People turning and whispering, looking directly at him. Joel's cheeks heat up and his brow furrows into a deep scowl as he muscles his way through the crowd heading straight for his dumbass baby brother.

"What did you do?*The tone is accusatory right off the bat, Joel ain't messing around.

"Well take a look big brother, we're just tryin' to spread a lil holiday cheer around here and I was jus' thinkin', what grizzly old man could I get to be our Santa this year? And then it hit me"

"You didn't."

Joel could punch that grin right off his brother's face right now, as he steps aside and reveals the post pinned to the board. "Oh. I most certainly did."

There in a swirly red and green font, it reads:

🎄 Come and meet Santa Claus! Jacksons 3rd annual Christmas grotto: 12pm - 5pm December 21st. Fun for all ages! 🎄

And then there's a list underneath, containing the names of residents he and Maria have roped into helping.

Santa's Elves. Ellies name amongst them. Tommy must have a deathwish.

The names of the stabled horses next to 'Reindeer'

And then he sees it. His name.

Joel Miller as Santa Claus!

It had to be some kind of joke. Tommy's sick way of getting back at Joel for making him dress up as the easter bunny for Sarah all those years ago.

He rears back in horror, looking at Tommy like he'd just kicked a damn puppy in front of him. "Absolutely fucking not, Tommy! You must be insane to think I'm gonna do this!"

"Oh c'mon it'll be fun! TJ would love to see his Uncle Joel as Santa, wouldn't you, little guy?" Tommy smirks, keeping direct eye contact with Joel as he tickles the baby under his chin.

Maria then chimes in, shifting the giggling little boy in her arms. "Joel I know it's not your idea of fun-"

"Not my idea of fun!? That's a damn understatement if I've ever heard one!"

She holds her free hand up in a placating gesture. "Alright I hear you, perhaps Tommy should have asked first" She glances at Tommy, who's got a faux innocent 'who me?' look on his face now "But, the kids love it and usually we'd ask Richard to do it but he broke his leg a few weeks back out on patrol, so he can't do it this year. We'll make it worth your while, won't we Tommy?" She elbow nudges him in his ribs.

"Oh yeah! I've got a 40 year aged bottle of whiskey with your name on it, unopened. Sound interestin'?"

Tempting. Very tempting. But no, there was no chance he was gonna do all this just for a bottle of whiskey, no matter how good it sounded. "You're gonna have to do better than that, I'm talkin' new gun or knife kinda interestin"

"I knew you'd say that, big brother, which is why..."

Tommy jabs his pointer finger further down the announcement board, showing Joel exactly what else he has to offer to sweeten the deal further.

And there in the same green and red swirly writing. Mrs Claus with your name beside it.

A beat passes and Joel's permanent frown slowly forms into something of a half grin.

The two of you had been patrol partners for months and anyone with eyes could see how hard you were crushing on each other, both of you too chickenshit to make the first move, so here's Tommy and Maria, giving Joel the best early Christmas present he could ask for.

"I'm in."

You

Two days. You had been working tirelessly for two days on your Mrs.Claus costume, trading with the towns sewing circle for any scraps of red velvet you could get your hands on, fashioning the white fluffy edging out of an old blanket. It was far from perfect, it was rushed but there was no way you were going to pass up on this opportunity.

"Alright I'm coming out, no peeking, promise you won't look until I say so?" You call out to Maria, just finishing getting your outfit on in their living room as she waits for you in the kitchen, feeding TJ his lunch at the dining table.

"Cross my heart! Now c'mon show me what you've got, Mrs.Claus!" Maria chuckles and covers her eyes with her hand, giving you the all clear before you step into the kitchen.

It's a two piece outfit, the long sleeve top flaring out at your waist with a slight v-nexk, nothing too risque, the grotto is considered a family event after all. Then there's the skirt, just above knee length, hugging your hips and thighs in all the right places. Paired with a pair of red short strappy heels that you'd managed to borrow from one of the more fashionable Jackson residents, in exchange for some personal supplies for her. For a rush job, you were damn proud of yourself.

"Okay... You can look now!" You exclaim, straightening out an invisible crease on your top.

Maria drops her hand to look, her jaw follows quickly after. "Oh my god! Well hellooo Mrs. Claus!" She wolf whistles playfully. "Santa isn't gonna know what's hit him."

You feel heat creeping up the back of your neck at that particular thought. How Joel would react when he sees you. "Y-yeah? It's not too much is it? I mean I'm not trying to go for sexy, but I'm not not trying if you know what I mean?"

"No it's perfect! Look at Mrs. Claus, TJ doesn't she look beautiful?" Maria attempts to guide the youngest Millers gaze to you but he's too busy chomping down the banana pancakes she'd whipped up for him.

"Ah well... Speaking from experience, the older Miller men are much more attentive. And appreciative." Maria remarks coyly, lips curving into a sly smirk.

The two of you devolve into fits of giggles, not even hearing Tommy arriving home until he enters the kitchen "Ho-ho-holy shit!" Maria says his name in a scolding tone for cursing in front of the baby, he flashes her a guilty grin before continuing "Look at you darlin'! Joel, come take a look at Mrs. Claus!"

Joel. Joel's here with him.

Before you even have a chance to protest, Joel's stepping into the kitchen behind Tommy and right there and then is when you're pretty sure your heart stops.

Jaw slightly slack, brown eyes now near-black as his eyes drag up your body, lingering for a moment too long on your hips and breasts before landing in your face, noting the nervous gnaw of your lip. He clears his throat, forcing himself to act casual, ignoring the twitch of his cock in his jeans. "Y-yeah you... Wow. I mean... Wow.."

Flustered. Joel Miller is flustered. The usually stoic and self controlled aging scavenger is now a bumbling mess, even if he's trying his hardest not to show it.

A knowing look passes between Tommy and Maria, like the irritating old married couple they are, sharing small grins that mirror one another.

"Thanks... I um.. Can't wait to see your costume too!"

Tommy claps Joel on the shoulder with a loud bark of laughter. "Oh I sure am lookin' forward to that too! I think we all are, managed to find a mall Santa outfit a few years back, got the beard and everythin'. Usually it's a little big on Richard but I think Joel here won't have any trouble fillin' it out" He teases, prodding at Joel's soft tummy, earning him a brotherly punch to the arm.

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?" Now it's Joel's turn to be scolded by Maria, giving her the very same guilty smile as Tommy had done previously. The Miller genetics are truly a marvel.

It's the morning of the Christmas Grotto and your nerves are running at an all time high. Putting together the last of your costume, opting for a pair of black tights under your skirt instead of going bare legged what with the fresh snow that had settled in recent days.

Staring at yourself in the bedroom mirror, you had to admit to yourself that you looked hot and with the appraising look you'd received from Joel yesterday fresh in your mind, a big part of you was actually looking forward to today, even if you'd originally been less than thrilled at being put down for the role without being asked. The moment Maria had told you Joel was going to be santa, it had sealed the deal for you. You'd be the best damn Mrs. Claus this town has ever seen.

A little while later, it's go time. You're walking into the mess hall, the tables have been pushed aside to make room for the crowd that will be shuffling in and out. There are townsfolk dotted around dressed as elves and the horses are hitched just outside in a make shift petting zoo with makeshift Reindeer antlers on their heads. That was a cute touch. You're sure they're going to love being fussed over and fed carrots all day long.

At the far end, is the 'Grotto' which is actually just a red back drop hung up on the wall, a chair that's been decorated to look like Santa's throne, a bowl full of homemade candy canes beside it and a Christmas tree with gifts surrounding it. It's nothing special, but at the same time it's perfect No sign of Joel though, yet.

"Well don't you look pretty!" A semi sarcastic voice sounds from your left, Ellie, dressed as an elf, chewing on a candy cane.

You cover your mouth with the back of your hand to stifle the laugh. She looks ridiculous and you can tell she's not happy about being asked to do this.

"Oh my god. Don't tell me Tommy roped you into this too?!"

"Sure did." She grumbles. "But he said Dina would be doing it to so..."

Looks like you're not the only one going along with it because your crush is involved. You give her a knowing smile, glancing around the mess hall. "Is um... Is Joel coming any time soon? People will be lining up in the next twenty minutes or so."

She grins as she takes another bite of candy cane "Oh yeah he's coming alright. Why Tommy thought he was a good fit for jolly old St. Nick, I'll never know! Least he's got the old part down." She trails off as she gets distracted by something over your shoulder, you turn to see Dina walking in, wearing an equally ridiculous elf costume. "Uhhhh gotta run! Good luck today!" Ellie smirks as she darts by you heading straight for her. Subtle.

Soon enough, the line starts to form and Joel is still nowhere to be seen, you're standing beside the throne, shifting from foot to foot, feeling a little anxious that he might not show up now.

And then you hear it.

"Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!" it's not exactly enthusiastic and Santa has a texan twang but there he is walking in, greeting the townsfolk and children. With the classic costume on, a fake white curly beard with his pink plush lips poking out, the hat tilted jauntily atop his head and a sack over his shoulder.

Why the hell are you attracted to this?

Do you have to add 'Santa kink' to the ever extensive list of kinks you have? Oh god, let's not go there right now.

The faces of the kids in line light up though and seeing the way Joel smiles back under the beard, warms your heart. He's a softie deep down.

"There you are, cutting it fine aren't you Santa?" you murmur to him when he sits down, setting the sack next to him. The way he immediately manspreads and looks good doing it even dressed like this, should be criminal.

Then he gives you an assessing stare, just like yesterday, unable to help himself from subtly checking you out. Subtle to anyone else who might be looking, but to you? You felt like time slowed down right then and there, noting the way his tongue darted out to wet his lips. The next five hours were either going to be pure torture or sheer agony. You truly couldn't decide which one.

"Sorry Mrs. Clause. Was doin'a little last minute gift wrappin'" You're about to open your mouth to tell him that maybe he should have a better sense of timekeeping but it's then that Ellie pipes up, cupping her hands either side of her mouth to make her voice louder. "Alright folks, who's ready to meet Santa?"

The next 5 hours were a blur, it was a constant stream of people coming to meet Santa but it was probably the most fun you've had in a long time. Tommy and Maria had set up a few games in the mess hall to make it a real event for the kids of Jackson and he'd procured some disposable cameras to take mementos of the day.

You could have killed that man when he did this though:

"Hey Mr & Mrs Claus! Lemme get a picture of the two of you!"

You'd sighed but you'd take any opportunity to be closer to Joel honestly. You moved closer to the throne, posing beside it with a beaming smile. Apparently that wasn't good enough for Tommy.

"Nooooo get closer c'mon, you're supposed to be a married couple"

"Yeah and also non existent" Joel mutters under his breath so none of the kids hear him, elliciting a giggle from you.

"Hm, what was that Santa?"

"Nothin'!"

You perch on the arm of the throne instead to appease him. "This any better?"

"Nooooo no no! Get closer!"

"How am I s'posed to get any-- oh!"

You squeek as Joel pulls you into his lap, sitting you side ways on one of his thighs.

"This okay Darlin'?" He whispers in a drawl. It's both sweet that he's checking that it's not pushing your boundaries too far but also sexy as hell. You reply with a slow nod

It's your turn to be flustered now, feeling your body temperature rising a little, along with your racing heart. You're having an internal meltdown about being in his lap.

"Earth to Mrs. Claus! Hellooooo!" It's Tommy's voice that snaps you out of it, blinking rapidly as you look up at the camera.

"S-sorry! Yes okay, I'm ready." You cross your legs and lean back into Joel just a tad, feeling his hand slipping around your waist to hold you steady, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth over the velvet there. You wonder if he even knows he's doing it."Take the damn picture Tommy!"

"Alright hold your horses!" Every second in Joel's lap feels like a year. So close, close enough that his intoxicating scent floods your senses, peppermint from the candy canes, coffee and... Sawdust? You think? Would make sense considering his woodworking, you suppose. It's too much, but at the same time it's not enough.

"Alright Mr & Mrs. 3.. 2.. 1.. Say jingle bells!"

You both repeat it, smiling ear to ear as the flash momentarily blinds you.

Before you know it, it's nearly time to call it a day. You were thankful for the small heaters that had been placed nearby, it had started snowing heavily outside now and with the way the mess hall was pretty open, made it chilly. It was bearable though.

Joel had been so sweet with the kids today, it was a side of him you hadn't seen before. A stark contrast to the man you went on patrols with. You knew he was good with kids. Older kids though, like Ellie, but seeing him with the younger kids? Christ. Your ovaries damn near exploded.

Right now he has the last kid on his lap, a little girl with big brown eyes and tight curls. She's possibly the sweetest little thing you've ever seen.

"Alright sweetpea what's your name?"

"Sarah." She answers shyly.

It's then that you notice the way his shoulders tense slightly and the way his eyes get a little glossy. What's that about?

"S-Sarah? Well... Ain't that a pretty name for an equally pretty girl." The momentary hiccup seems to have passed and he's back to being sweet again. "How old are you darlin'?" She screws up her little face as she looks at her fingers trying to figure out how many to hold up before she holds up four of them, looking at who you assume is her mother for confirmation, she just chuckles and nods.

"Four? Well ain't that nice. Now tell me sweetpea, what do you want for Christmas?" So gentle, he's so gentle with the little kids, you really didn't know that there was this side of him hiding in there.

"A dinosaur!" She's come out of her shell a little now, excitedly mimicking a dinosaurs roar, to which Joel roars back and chuckles, this rich deep sound. So fucking cute.

"A dinosaur? Well little missy I'm not sure 'bout gettin' you a real one, I'm sure your momma wouldn't wanna clean up after one buuuuuut--" he reaches down into the nearly empty sack of presents and pulls out a small plushie T-Rex. "Here. Darlin' Merry Christmas."

She squeels with happiness and throws her little arms around his neck, catching him off guard for a moment. You can see the surprise in his wide eyes, but a genuine warm smile graces his lips. "Thank you Santa!" She pulls back, gently taking the plushie from him, holding it up proudly for her mom to see.

"Well you're welcome, sweetpea. G'on now, go show your momma and have a Merry Christmas... Sarah." The way he says her name, almost wistful, he watches her clamber off his lap, running to her mom to show her the gift she got, there's this longing look that you don't recognise in him.

"Joel?" You ask, gently placing your hand on his shoulder.

His head snaps in your direction, immediately changing his demeanor to a happier one, whether it's forced or not, you don't know. "God, sorry Darlin'! I was miles away."

"You okay?"

"Hm? Oh yeah, course I am! Just... Been a long day is all. You okay? It's getting cold in here."

You smile at the way he's concerned about you, shaking your head softly. "I'm fine, not really feeling it"

"Now why don't I believe that?" He does a little smirk under the beard as his eyes rake over you quickly, it making your heart do a little flip. "Here." Before you can protest, he's taking off his red jacket, handing it to you as he's left in a fitting white tshirt underneath, suspenders holding up the pants. The little roundness of his tummy is something else. You were never a fan of overly muscular guys, you'd seen the magazines from before. Jacked up men with washboard abs just wasn't your thing. This though? The dad bod he was rocking was absolutely your thing.

"T-thank you." the waiver in your voice does nothing to hide how much he's effected you. It's not fair. You put the jacket on around your shoulders and it feels as though you've been enveloped by his scent. It's dizzying and addictive.

By 6pm, all the helpers had the mess hall cleared and back to how it was before, the tables back in place and the shutters down to stave off the snow storm that was picking up outside.

You'd stayed behind to help Maria dismantle the 'Grotto' while TJ slept in his stroller, Joel was still here, Santa hat and beard now gone, much to your slight disappointment. He was busy talking to Tommy, they seemed to be sharing a moment. Tommy's hand is on his shoulder, gently squeezing it with a sympathetic look on his face, you can't make out what they're saying but whatever it is seems deep.

Maria notices you looking, smiling to herself before she speaks. "So... You gonna finally make a move or what?"

With wide eyes you turn your attention to her. "Maybe keep your voice down?"

She chuckles lightly "Oh honey they can't hear us from all the way over there. C'mon... What's stopping you? He likes you. You like him. Just go for it."

"Okay but what if things don't work out? Jackson isn't that big y'know? Imagine bumping into your ex every day. Awkward."

"Don't have to imagine. Before Tommy got here I dated one of the guys on patrol and sure it was awkward at first but we're all adults, I moved on and married Tommy and he's moved on too. It's not a big deal. You know what I think though?"

"No but I'm sure you're about to tell me" You huff in amusement through your nose, putting away the last of the props into a box.

"Damn right I am. I think you're afraid and making excuses. Just like he is. You're focusing on the negatives like 'what if it ends badly' instead of 'what if it never ends?' and that is what you should be thinking about. Seriously. You'll regret it if you don't at least try."

"See you back at the house Joel!" Ellie calls out to him as she leaves with Dina. Tommy and Maria had left a short while ago when TJ started getting fussy. So now, under the twinkling lights above you, you're left alone together with Maria's words swimming around in your head.

'What if it never ends?' she'd said it so simply, like you'd get your fairytale ending. Of course she hadn't meant it like that. Not in this world, not in this life. But, if it meant you could have just a fraction of a fairytale ending? Maybe she was right about making the leap.

So as you wring your hands nervously, your feet are moving you towards him of their own accord. He's crouched down rifling through the present sack, just in the exit doorway. You stop just behind him.

"Joel? You got a minute before you leave?"

"Oh! Yeah actually, I um..." He pulls something out of the sack, putting it behind his back as he rises to his feet, knees creaking as he does so. "I wanted to talk to you to... I uh..." His brow is covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He's nervous too. "I... Got you somethin... It's not much but..."

And then he pulls out a small gift wrapped box from behind his back, tied up with a red bow and everything. Your eyes soften when you take it from him, fingertips brushing against his accidentally.

"Joel... You didn't have to get me anything... I... I didn't get you anything. I feel bad now!"

"Pfft. Don't be silly darlin'. I did this cause I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to. C'mon open it." He gives you that lopsided grin that makes him even more handsome somehow, rocking back on his heels absentmindedly.

You oblige, carefully unwrapping the bow, tearing away the paper, all the while you feel his eyes on you watching and waiting. When you lift the lid off the box, you let out a small surprised chuckle. Gently lifting the gift out to admire it.

A small carved and painted chocolate labrador dog. Just like your childhood pet. You remembered telling him about her on one of your patrols, Lana was her name. You'd lost her in the initial days of the outbreak and thought about her often. It had been months since you'd told him about her and he'd remembered. Even going as far as carving her name onto the base. You feel your eyes misting over as you take it in, it's possibly the best gift you've ever received.

"Joel I-- it's... It's beautiful. You... You made this for me?"

His shoulders relax a little as he sees the way your expression shifts, he was worried he'd upset you. It was a risk because all he wanted was to make you happy.

"Yeah I did... That's um... That's actually why I was almost late today. Was putting the finishing touches to it, wanted it to be perfect. Y'know... Like you are."

"L-like I am?" You gaze lifts from the carving in your hand to meet his own. Staring back at you with those soft brown eyes that you just want to get lost in.

As he takes a small step forward, encroaching into your personal space, it feels like the room just became too small. More intimate than it was before. Nothing has changed and everything has changed. "Yes. Like you darlin'. You... You're..." He reaches up, softly brushing his thumb over your cheekbone, making your breath catch in your throat. "You're perfection"

That's when you see it, above the two of you in the doorway. Mistletoe. You'd wondered how you'd missed that. It was like it had just appeared out of thin air, but more than likely it was a part of Tommy's meddling because it definitely wasn't there before.

He follows your gaze upwards, a slow smile spreading across his lips. "Well would ya look at that."

You can't help the small chuckle of disbelief that leaves you. "Yeah would you look at that. You planning on doing anything about it, Miller?"

Now his gaze his dropped back to you, drawing your face in closer to his. His voice dropping to a low whisper. "Don't have to tell me twice, darlin'"

The moment your lips touch his, you feel like you're floating on air. It's reverent and slow, tilting his head with yours as he savours the taste of your lips. His big hand engulfing your cheek, thumb stroking over it with a tenderness that you hadn't initially expected from him.

You blindly set the carving down on the ledge beside you so you can wrap your arms around his neck as his free hand slides downwards to your lower back, holding you against him as the kiss deepens and evolves into something more desperate.

It's all consuming. Everything you could have hoped for. He's everything you hoped for.

There under the mistletoe and twinkling lights. Santa and Mrs Claus. Sharing their first kiss.

Part two coming soon!

Tagging my moots, happy holidays my lovelies:

@drewharrisonwriter @baronessvonglitter @joelmillerisapunk @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @bitchwitch1981 @kirsteng42 @morallyinept @cheekychaos28 @itwasntimethatdidit40 @almostempty

Special mention to @lovely-vamp-princess added a part about Joel's tummy in there just for you ;D

If you'd rather not be tagged lmk and a big thank you if you do read 💜

[nqueso-emergency]

BoB's: Bucktommy fans are fetishists. Also BoB's: "Ryliver are conjoined blowjob brothers."

BoB's: Tommy is too gay. Also BoB's: Eddie "flipping through a swimsuit magazine in front of Buck" Diaz IS GAY and if you don't agree you're homophobic.

BoB's: Bucktommy fans only care about their ship so they're not real fans. Also BoB's: 500 of us signed a petition to get the showrunner fired when she didn't give us Buddie.

BoB's: Buddies are constantly attacked by Bucktommy fans. Also BoB's: I have no evidence I'm being attacked and I also didn't speak out against the f** slurs, homophobic hate posts, and death threats against LFJ and BT fans. Not my problem. 

BoB's: Buddie WILL be canon season 8! Also BoB's: Not in the last episode though, and not in the next episode, but definitely in two episodes after that. I promise. Probably.

BoB's: How dare you criticize RG after he's shared about his mental health struggles. Also BoB's: I'm going to shoot myself in front of Tim if we don't get what we want and also, you should die in a fire LFJ, who I made sure to tag so he'd know I want him dead. 

BoB's: Bucktommy fans stan a racist and misogynists. Also BoB's: Lalalala I can't hear you over the sound of me cutting POC out of Buddie photos and review bombing a hugely important episode for a young black actor. Oh and what racist livestream that my fav made? Never heard of it.

BoB's: Bucktommy fans are ruining the fandom! Also BoB's: How about more than a hundred of us spam the IG comments with almost identical hateful comments.

And now we can add:

BoBs: Oliver wasn't even tagged in my post!! Ryliver canon!!! Oliver mew mew boy you ain't slickkkkkk

Also BoBs: I'm only a wittle 19 year old gurl... stop bullying me, Mr. Stark!!

[xan-izme]

Dubble life (ACTSV x reader x Batfam) 2

Part 1, Part 3

Summary: Reader struggles to get used to their new life in Gotham. Worrying constantly about her family in New York. A rise of tension rises between readers father figure Aaron and her real father Bruce.

After the dinner, you got yourself ready for bed. The old boombox player you had was playing soft music in the background.

You turned the lights off, slipped into bed and stared at absolutely nothing. Even with the soft music playing, you were just itching to break into your suit and jump from building to building. You were missing your life as Spider-Woman. You missed your aunt and uncles. You missed your cousin. He was literally your twin.

You practically bawled your eyes out while saying goodbye to him. Suddenly, your train of thought was broken when you heard a ringing sound. You sat you and grabbed your phone, for some reason, hoping that it was your mother calling, telling you she was going to be home late tonight.

It wasn't your mother, of course, it was Miles, your cousin. You happily accepted the call. "Miles! oh my God, I missed you!" You could hear the boy chuckle on the other side of the phone.

"We saw each other this morning."

You pout and groan "I know! but it feels like it's been days." You knew you were acting like a toddler, but don't you deserve to act like this? After the nights filled with crime, days filled with unwanted drama.

You and Miles stayed on the phone. Not much talking involved. Talking was too much to do, knowing that they couldn't say the usual 'See you tomorrow' or Miles reminding you to be safe on your little outings. You did end up crying at one point, which caused Miles to tear up, but you don't know that, and he would like to keep it that way.

The next few weeks went by in a blink of an eye, dinner most of the times ended up just being you and Alfred, which you understand, knowing Bruce is busy, and Damian doesn't really like you. Tim would join you for lunch at times. You soon found out Tim was a geek. Which made you talk and ramble off about your plans for the future. Besides from that, you were mostly alone in the house.

Now it was your first day of school, your uncle Aaron offered to drive you for your first day. You asked Bruce for permission first of course.

Bruce at first wanted to say no, but when he pondered about it. It would be good for you to be with someone you knew better to be with you on your first day.

But Bruce looked into Aron. The man was trouble, used to be involved in lots of bad people back in the day. Just to be safe, Bruce decided to tag along. This would also help Bruce get closer to you, get to know the real you.

Putting aside the formalities and the instant obedience you give him.

The doorbell rang, Alfred opened the door and see Aaron standing with a blank expression, one matching Alfreds. "Ah, Mister Davies. Lady Y/n is curently getting ready. Please follow me."

Without any words, Aaron follows Alfred to a room. Thats where he meets Bruce.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Davies." Bruce puts a smile on his face and extended his hand to greet. Aaron smiled a little and shook his hand

"Same here. And Aaron is fine."

The two men sat down and began to talk. It was normal, but only for a small amount of time. The tension in the room began to rise when Aaron's past was brought up.

". . . I admit. I went down the wrong path when I was younger. But I grew out of that mess. But if this is about Y/n, then I guaranty you she is nothing like me. She's a good girl."

"I know she is. I'm not suggesting anything Ill towards my daughter."

Aaron chuckled "Daughter? Don't take this personally. But she ain't your daughter. Not till she says so."

Before any real argument could be made, you came busting in the room. "Uncle Aaron!"

"Baby girl!" Aron at up and opened his arms for a hug.

You ran into the man's arms. Giggling as Aaron gave your head a kiss.

"Look at you. In your little uniform."

You smiled more and twirled around for Aaron to see the whole fit better. "You like it?"

"I love it."

The car ride was a little awkward, but at least it wasn't fully awkward.

Aaron gave you some money and a few good luck kisses and I love You's from Rio. You gave Bruce a hug goodbye.

It's been almost a month since Spider-woman was last seen. Tim did take an interest in this Spider-woman and was going to offer her to join the Young Justice League. You were just one person looking after New York all on your own, with no help. It was very impressive.

But now Spider-Woman was just nowhere to be seen. She has just gone MIA. Now the Prowler was taking care of the city. The media has gone crazy after the disappearance of Spider-woman.

'WHERE IS SPIDER-WOMAN?'

'SPIDER-WOMAN ON THE RUN?'

What did catch Tim's attention was the last time Spider-Woman was seen was the day Y/n's mother died. A lot of people were hurt that day Only one dead, which was your mother. Tim has come to a small theory that the death of your mother is connected to the disappearance of Spider-woman.

It's been a full week since you started school, the first day, teachers were really nice to you. They already knew about your mother, which had them pity you. And Bruce being your father made them extra nice. You already didn't like the kids. Seeing them as fake. Because they were. Those smiling faces, those empty words.

You knew them all too well. You do the same, fake knows fake, guess that's what you could call it. Damian was of course no help. Ignoring you as much as he could. Which you didn't actually care.

Why would you care for someone who clearly don't care for you? No need to waste any energy on him. You did take interest in a few clubs. You did need to pick one that you didn't have to attend all the time. One that didn't need too much of your attention. So, you picked the art club.

You saw how much kids were in there, with those number of kids, no one expects you to get to know them all, nor make friends with them all. There are also very talented kids in the club, and the art they do isn't your style, so you're not the best. Which was in a way, good to keep cover.

Right now, you were at the manor. Your uncle dropped off the extra books you left at his place. half of your room looked a section in a library. You knew there was a library in the manor. But they weren't your books. Even if Bruce insists that most of the things in the manor was also yours, that's not how you saw it.

The things you brought from New York was yours, the cloths, books, pictures. You just felt like a guest. Nothing else.

You were curently in your room, listening to a playlist Miles made for you. You were just finishing up your homework when you heard a knock on your door.

"Y/n? It's me, Bruce." The voice on the other side of the door spoke. "Come in!" You say, just loud enough for him to hear.

Bruce enters the room, when he sees you, a small smile graces his lips. You gave him an awkward smile as you wait for what he needed to tell you.

"My schedule is cleared out today. I was wondering if you wanted to go out shopping with me." Bruce was taking a look around your room. Looking at the items you kept on shelves, pictures. Trying to know what you would like, so he could buy something for you that was more of your style.

"And me!" Suddenly Dick popped out of the door with a bright smile on his face. "Nice room." Drick mumbled as he went near your bookshelf. Seeing what books, you were into.

"Ah. . . I would love to, sir- Bruce. But I don't got much on me." You had your own card, you had about 300 or 500 in. But you don't use it unless you're out and really need something to eat. On top of that, you kind of have a spending problem you need to control.

"No need to worry about that." Bruce pulled out his card "It's all on me."

You had no choice but to go with them. You sat in the back seat. Dick in the passenger seat while Bruce was driving. "How's school? make any friends?" Dick spoke up, turning down the volume of the radio. "Oh, it's alright. Me a few kids, they were pretty nice."

The car pulled up to a store. You walked in with the two men and started looking around. You saw plushies that looked really cute. "Can I get these?" You pointed at the plushies and looked up to Bruce for permision.

"Of course." Dick grabbed the plushies and you all started to get more things. Clothes, shoes. You were pretty satisfied with what you had. Bruce purchased what you had picked out, along with a few dresses Dick picked out for you.

Bruce was able to talk to you more. He knows that you like a lot of music genres, you seem to have a deep bond with your cousin Miles and your uncle Aaron. You speak highly of Miles, like he was a sun in the sky to praise.

Bruce was still hooked up on what Aaron had said. Bruce knows that he can't fix the sixteen years he missed in your life, but he wants to try and be there for you now. Try to break down that fake smile of yours.

What? You think he didn't notice.?

Bruce knows what pain looks like. And he can see it all over you. In your actions, your words. In your voice. Whatever makes you cry, whatever fears you have. Bruce will make them all go away. And he is determined to earn the title as your father. For you to finally call him by that title.

Because he's your father. And that's what fathers do.

[agentstarkid]

SERENDIPITY ✦ DR3

“Serendipity is an unexpected and very lucky finding, that is, a coincidence that fills us with happiness. Serendipity in love implies the feeling that the universe conspires in our favor, bringing that special person into our lives at the right time and oh boy, did the universe send her everything she ever needed in the form of a 5'10" man with a built-in accent, a love for Tim Tams, adrenaline-fueled spirit and a smile that could light up a whole town.”

✦ PAIRING: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader

✦ PIT BOARD: social media au | ✦ FACE CLAIM: becky g

✦ TRACK LIMITS: female!reader, covid-19 & quarantine mentions, age gap, language.

✦ MAY'S RADIO: HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY BESTIES! 🤗💗 I've been working on this for a month, honestly I thought I was gonna finish it fast but tbh that was really naïve of me 🥴 the amount of times I ended up changing almost every little thing is insane lol but today I sat down and commited to finish and post this! this is my first ever smau or any kind of 'x reader' really, so please be kind 🤍 and of course it was going to be about the love of my life! — oh btw, my idea is to get to present time and make it angsty so let me know what you guys think! I really hope you enjoy!

series masterlist | general masterlist | next chapter >

JANUARY 01, 2020

yourinstagram and danielricciardo added to their stories!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

danielricciardo has followed yourinstagram!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

yourinstagram

♡ liked by anitta, danielricciardo and 6,546,214 others

yourinstagram 2019 was full of happiness, pain, healing and growth. I loved a lot, I cried a lot and I laughed a lot. I'm grateful for a lot of things in life, but I'm specially grateful for you guys ❤️🥂 I LOVE YOU! ❤️

tagged: selenagomez, fioamato, iamdannaschwarz, itsvittoriasousa

View all 17,321 comments

fioamato It's out with the old and in with the new ⏭️😜

iamdannaschwarz this could be the start of something new indeed 😏🤭 yourinstagram 🙈 user yourinstagram girlieee does this mean you found your Troy Bolton tonight? 👀👀👀

iamdannaschwarz what a year it has been! Through the ups and downs you prevailed. So proud of you! Cheers, amiga! 🥂❤️

itsvittoriasousa u deserve the whole world, i wish everyone knew ur heart 🥺 love you biiiiiiig ❤️

user1 can we talk about that dress!!!! jaw dropped 🤯

user2 Mami 🔥🔥🔥

selenagomez ❤️🥂🎆

user3 danny ric you ain't slick baby we can see u 👀

user4 words on the streets that they were seen pretty close the whole night 👀

user5 girlies do we think the writing on the napkin belongs to mr. ricciardo? 🧐

user4 what about the last pic?? could it be about a nod to him???

user3 somebody call the fbi and the cia we need to decode this 🔎🔎🔎

sebastianyatra una locura de año 🚀 happy new year penguin!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

JANUARY 25, 2020

justjared

♡ 9.075 Likes

justjared New couple alert?! YN LN, 21, and Formula 1 driver Daniel Ricciardo, 30, were spotted on a walk and getting cozy during a night out in New York. More photos now on JustJared.com #YNLN #Daniel Ricciardo Photos: Backgrid

View all 214 comments

user1: well that's a couple nobody saw coming 😶 good for them tho

user2: These pictures are so creepy as to get these they literally have to stalk these people and are probably hiding in bushes or wherever to get the shots

user3: he's a full-grown man in his 30s messing around with a teenager how shocking 🙄

user4: how is she a teenager if she's 21??? she is a consenting adult and has been for a while...make it make sense user5: it's a 9-year age gap not 25 😑 y'all should learn to mind your own fucking business

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

FEBRUARY 05, 2020

danielricciardo added to their story!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

yourinstagram added to their story!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

yourinstagram

♡ liked by danielricciardo, greeicy and 7,452,325 others

yourinstagram starry nights, sunsets, little moments, deep conversations & special feelings 💖🃏

View all 19,358 comments

iamdannaschwarz pov: you were there to witness the first conversation 🤣

itsvittoriasousa never knew a person could blush that hard 😂 yourintagram you are both getting blocked 🙅‍♀️

fioamato 🃏🃏🃏

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

michaelitaliano and scottyjames31 have followed yourinstagram!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

MARCH 11 & 12, 2020

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

yourinstagram has added to their story!

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

APRIL 09, 2020

yourinstagram

♡ liked by danielricciardo, jbalvin and 5,723,498 others

yourinstagram Quarantine with an aussie boyfriend: turns out, 'G'day mate' is the only greeting you'll ever need. Who needs handshakes anyway? Also, you get to excessively use the word 'mate' without being judged. It's basically a linguistic free pass 🤷🏽‍♀️😂🇦🇺

View all 22,395 comments

user: OMG OMG IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING!!!! EVERYBODY STAY CALM!!!

user: Dan-Y/N nation how we feeling today? 😍

user: wasn't she dating sebastianyatra tho?

user2: nah they've been friends for years

user3: «cristina» is lowkey about her tho 🤭 "you were 19, i was 23"?? and there's a 4 year age gap between them?? they deffff had something going on a few years back AT LEAST 👀

user2: who knows maybe they did, but they refer to each other as "like-a-brother" and "like-a-sister" so as far as we know they are only best friends 🤷🏽‍♀️

fioamato what do you say titi yourmomsinstagram does it get the seal of approval?

yourmomsinstagram 🤔🤔🤔 yourinstagram she face-timed me and told me to pass the phone so she could talk to him. They talked for an hour. They are besties now, she's just trying to play hard-to-get 🙃

danielricciardo and 5,345 other liked it

fioamato 😂😂😂

jbalvin encantado de verte feliz hermanita ❤️

danielricciardo tell your boyfriend he's really lucky 🤙🏼

yourinstagram thanks will do, mate 🤙🏼

user OMG??? you guys are so unserious 😭

user2 MOM??? DAD???

user3 danielricciardo yourinstagram i'm glowing, flourishing and thriving 🥰😭

michaelitaliano shitty accent though

yourinstagram I love my haters ❤️ you guys are my motivators ☺️ btw don't you have a kangaroo to fight?

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

APRIL 29, 2020

yourinstagram

♡ liked by michaelitaliano, danielricciardo, lewishamilton and 6,498,498 others

yourinstagram Spanglish country…we’re doing it!! Watch kanebrown_music and I blend sounds, languages and dance moves in #LostInTheMiddleOfNowhere (Spanish Remix) 😜 song and video OUT NOW 🔥

View all 11,598 comments

iamcardib OKAAAY MAMAAA 🧊🧊🥶

lali ALTA DIOSA 🔥

user she 👏 never 👏 misses 👏

itsvittoriasousa BRO U ABSOLUTELY ATEEE

user jaw drops to floor eyes pop out of sockets hearts out of chest 😍

danielricciardo wow caliente 🔥

user the amount of unwell I am in this exact moment

user2 daniel is right. muy caliente 🥵

user3 i'm losing my mind over 2 words + emoji okay

user4 daniel stop being a cunt and make an appearence in one of Y/N's ig lives

user5 user4 you could totally hear his voice in the last one lmao

°。°。°。°。°。°。

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

MAY 03, 2020

danielricciardo

♡ liked by pierregasly, jensonbutton, iamdannaschwarz and 710,610 others

danielricciardo Just a bunch of life 🤠🚜🇦🇺🇺🇸

View all 1,097 comments

yourinstagram awesome taste in music mate 👍🏼

danielricciardo big fan of hers 👍🏼 love finding new underground artists ☺️ user imagine calling THE yourinstagram an "underground artist" lmaooo user2 they're both such little shits i love them your honor 😭

kristenanniebell ❤️❤️❤️

scottyjames31 I see you're in good company mate

corey_wilson goodness I miss the ranch so much

user daniel said lemme give you thirsty bitches a few droplets of water

user2 there's so much to unpack here omfg

iamdannaschwarz you're welcome 😌 also there's a no-return policy in the contract ok bye

fioamato you're welcome 😌 x2 itsvittoriasousa you're welcome 😌 x3 danielricciardo nah i think i'm gonna keep it for a long while thanks. i'll rate you guys with 5 stars 👍🏼

user3 THE LETTER ON THE LAST PHOTO ???? I'M SENDING Y'ALL MY THERAPY BILLS

user4 THE MATCHING RINGS PLEASE!!!!!!! 😭😭😭

user5 all this soft launch shit is killing me guys help somebody let them know that we already know so they can stop playing!!!

yourinstagram but where's the fun in that babes? �� user holy shittttt!!!! y/n ???? i- 🤯 user5 OH MY GOD!!!! HI MOTHER AJKFFLAHDASD user2 it's a fucking confirmation!!!! dan-y/n nation we got it!!! it's crumbs but we got it!!!!!

user6 we stan a suportive bf ☝️🤩

user7 999 for grammy's best album of the year ✨manifesting✨

°。°。°。°。°。°。

─── Please don't forget to reblog & comment! ♡

[ao3sbatfamily]

there was this fic where one of the tags I remember is "Alfred Pennyworth is Not a Saint", the fic talks about Tim's perspective of everytime his food and/or his drinks being drugged to make him fall asleep whenever he overworks himself, and the panic and distrust he starts to feel, there's a "Jason Todd & Tim Drake" tag, too..

'Just Say No' by destiny919

Author: @tarvek-sturmvoraus

"You…came to me for food?" Jason says bemusedly. "Well, there's no doubt I'm the best cook…" He nudges Tim's knee with the steel toe of his boot. "What do you mean it ain't safe? Old man trying to cook again?"

"No—no." Tim swallows. "The food—they put. And in the coffee. Not even sealed things."

Jason has gone very still. "Has someone been putting shit in your food, Tim?"

He's not sure Jason has ever used his real name before.

"Mhm," Tim whispers. "And drinks. I used up all of B's hydration packs."

"Shit, kid." Jason crouches down in front of him. Tim recognizes a version of Hood's "talking to victims" pose and feels a twinge of relief instead of mortification like he usually would.

[thegeekproblem]

Reverse Robins Plot Bunny

okay, so i've been thinking about how a reverse robins plot would work while mostly leaving intact their origin stories and core personalities and also bruce's own plots and i have a lot of thoughts that i need to share asap cause i'm pretty sure this will never see the light of day (feels like a pretty big fic) but if someone wants to pick it up please go ahead just pretty please tag me or dm me or something so i can go and read asap

SO! we have 5 robins that in reverse order would be: damian, stephanie, tim, jason and dick (you can add or take batfam members as you please).

Damian Al Ghul-Wayne

so damian starts with his same origin: bio son of bruce and talia, after dropping out of med school bruce goes on his world tour and ends up in the league of shadows, he meets talia and falls in love and they have a relationship, ra's wants bruce to be his heir so he approves and talia finds out that she's pregnant with damian, but hey, ra's wants him for his own purposes and talia doesn't want that for damian (good mom talia for the win) so she tells bruce and ra's she lost the baby. bruce full of heartbreak doesn't align with ra's beliefs so he leaves to return to gotham. years later talia brings damian to bruce and damian creates robin. as his only son at the beginning, damian probably feels even more entitled to bruce's legacy and he's a bit of an asshole but gets better. even then, bruce's ideology and damian's upbringing clash a lot (he's still the son of talia and he grew up in a cult) up until the point damian leaves behind the mantle of robin and creates a new name for himself (black bat suits him i think) and his own group like jl (which are the titans).

Stephanie Brown

now, stephanie would be introduced slightly before than tim. we get the whole spoiler first and that's how bruce meets her, he gives her the mantle of robin for a while after damian becomes black bat which pisses him off (there's probs less friction that what dick/jason's dynamic had in the og canon over robin but oh boi their relationship ain't good for a while). it's not a long run as robin because stephanie gets in trouble with black mask, which ends bad but not dead bad, and bruce, scared out of his mind, uses that as an excuse to push her away and fires her.

bruce would then have tim as a robin and stephanie would create batgirl.

batgirl gives stephanie more freedom than working with batman ever would, she's really headstrong and being able to improvise is her main forte so i think she would create a new mantle as a way to recover after what happened with black mask. later she'll be the one to give it to barbara and would return to spoiler also as a way to join tim (now red robin) in his search for bruce after he "dies".

Tim Drake

tim's obsessed with batman and robin right? he goes out and takes pictures of them every night and he probably figured out their identities through matching every single one of bruce's injuries with batman's absences or through figuring out stephanie's identity. when damian becomes black bat and soon after stephanie!robin is fired he probably does some calculations and realizes that batman solves more crimes with a robin than without one and he tries to convince stephanie to return but stephanie is recovering from black mask (and creating batgirl in the background) and also mad at bruce for firing her so she rejects it and tim's like well, guess it's gotta be me and goes to bruce. bruce doesn't want to because of what happened with black mask but tim's really insistent and bruce gives him the mantle of robin. stephanie doesn't like it much but accepts it, tim's intelligent and rich and that makes stephanie feel inferior, but later on tim and stephanie's relationship becomes something that pushes both of them to be better. tim's parents die and bruce adopts him which makes his relationship with damian turn bad, and damian grows to despise tim, in his head stephanie wasn't adopted (she still has her mum) so she never registered as a threat for the cowl but now tim's adopted and bruce considers him a son but then bruce fucking dies! or at least it's what they all think but tim's convinced he isn't (he isn't) so he leaves gotham and the mantle of robin behind and becomes red robin (i do actually like the red robin title a lot) to search for a way to get bruce back and is joined by spoiler in his search.

at this point damian takes up the cowl and becomes batman.

Jason Todd.

now, damian is batman, he doesn't like the idea of having a robin, tim and stephanie are world trotting, and that leaves only him and alfred in that mansion. is lonely and he regrets a lot of his past attitudes with tim and all of the fights with bruce, so he's a really cryptid version of batman, all alone and sticking to the shadows because he's a ninja. one day he's patrolling crime alley when surprise! a wild jason tries to steal the tires of the batmobile and well, damian hasn't seen that kind of spunk in a while and he laughs. damian likes jason a lot and offers him a place in the manor, offers to train him, makes him robin, his robin, not bruce's but one of his own choosing. so damian really likes jason and they work together well and jason loves damian, he's his family, his brother.

and then bruce returns, stephanie and tim being the ones that brought him back.

now bruce and jason take a while to adjust and it's more common to now see black bat and robin together but still, bruce is a good father right? tim's not that good with jason but tries, and stephanie loves jason because they both have similar backgrounds. by this point bruce has more experience as a father figure and jason gets adopted and truly comes to see bruce as his dad and starts calling him that but still the whole thing with the joker happens and jason fucking dies. this hits bruce HARD. way harder than in canon because by that point his family is so big and has manage to grow, there's damian and tim, and stephanie even if she's not adopted and he has good relationships with everyone but then jason dies and bruce loses damian too because in his grief damian blames bruce, blames himself, kills the joker and goes back to the league of shadows and talia. tim and stephanie are dealing with their own grief, alfred too, and this leaves bruce completely alone.

a grieving bruce finds dick and, seeing a reflection of his suffering, makes him robin

while dick was becoming robin we know what happens, jason digs himself out of his grave, spends a year in a coma, another catatonic in gotham's streets. nobody finds him, bruce probably saw him once or twice and thought it was a hallucination, stephanie and tim don't patrol crime alley, and damian returns to gotham before talia finds him. when talia finds him and hides him from ra's. she first wants to bring him back to health before returning him to damian because jason meant so much to him, enough to disobey bruce's only rule, but ra's finds out about jason and that he came back to life, they try to figure out how and ra's is the one with the idea to push him into the lazarus pit. now jason is trapped with the league, talia tells him how damian avenged him, how he still mourns him, there's no true resentment with bruce about the robin mantle being passed, and damian was the one that made him robin, not bruce. so he's trapped with the league but talia wants to return him to damian so she plans and in the meanwhile she sends jason on his world training tour promising him that he will return to gotham one day. talia helps him escape and jason returns to gotham under the mantle of red hood.

Dick Grayson

bruce is devastated. he doesn't know how to be batman anymore and he's completely alone, left by his family that's dealing with their own grief. that's when he sees a boy that reminds him so much of himself. a young dick grayson that just lost his parents and is angry at the world. but he's also a really happy and hopeful child and bruce wants to help him, he needs to help him because he can't fail another child again. so, dick becomes robin. tim takes as his responsibility to train dick because he never trained with jason and he cannot fail another brother.

stephanie in the background trains barbara and makes her batgirl.

dick grows as robin, alfred, stephanie and tim telling him stories of jason, of how good of a robin was and dick becomes enamoured by the image of robin!jason. bruce is wrapped in his grief and dick is doing his best and sometimes it's not enough and it's been almost two years then damian comes back. he and bruce make peace with each other but in their relationship there's a jason shaped hole that'll never heal. dick and damian get to know each other and damian tells him even more stories of jason, stories that make him look more human, more like a kid that made a few mistakes, instead of the perfect picture the others paint.

and then, the red hood appears.

bruce and dick try to investigate but the red hood is good. not only did he take over the organized crime of gotham, he cleared crime alley of any other gang and made it his territory. damian starts to act weird all of the sudden after chasing red hood once and returning empty handed. damian and red hood meet, damian discovers he's jason, jason feels like he has no home to return because he's too different now, obviously damian doesn't tell anybody yet but bruce suspects. bruce and jason confront each other and good dad!bruce begs him to come home. after that, it's an adjustment, jason wants to stay legally dead and keep his apartment in crime alley but would still visit the manor and dick with his hero crush on him would look for him all the time

A/N: this is more of a gen fic idea, but i'm a shipper at heart so maybe i woud add some jaydick romance when they're trying to convince jason to return to the family. but yeah, after this i have nothing concrete, i guess it ends here when they finally get to be a big family again. bruce probs has a lot of ptsd after jason's dead and maybe decides to retire at 50 and officially give the mantle to damian. dick becomes nightwing after robin and later barbara becomes oracle and creates the birds of prey. but yeah, my only problem with all of these ideas is that it looks like a really fucking long fic. hell, i would probably make different fics for each robin and make it a series so i can correctly develop each and everyone of their personalities and stories and give them time to grow, each work would probs be from bruce's and the current robin pov's. but also, you can totally see that jason's my favourite and i haven't developed that well some of the other robins, so i would probs write his part first and never come back to the rest. i just needed to share my ideas and if someone wants to pick them up please feel free to do it. i'll probably start to share more plot bunnies of the fics that i'll probably never get around to write.

[ailithnight]

After this chapter, I will no longer be doing a taglist. Sorry folks, there's just too many of y'all and I'm on mobile. Please subscribe on AO3 for updates, or follow the tag A King in Arkham.

A King in Arkham

Chapter 4

AO3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Danny. I understand you don't want to go with your godfather. Is there a reason for that?

Can't go with Vlad!

If you know something we don't about him, you need to tell us. Otherwise he will win custody.

It's.. He'll.. he'll make me.. turn me.. his fault!

What's his fault, Danny?

His fault. All his. All.. My.. no, my fault. It's all my fault...

Danny?

IT'S MY FAULT! I KILLED THEM! ALL DEAD! Because of me...

Now Danny, I'm sure that's not true. What happened at the Nasty Burger-

I made it happen.

Corporate negligence-

He knew. I knew. Dan knew what would happen. Dan made it happen. He knew the sauce was gonna blow. He knew Lancer would arrange the meeting there. He cheated. He lured them there. He bound them up so they couldn't escape and ran the time out until they exploded! Dan did that and Dan was me, so I did that.

Daniel...?

I murdered them. I murdered everyone. 

Da-

IT'S ALL MY FAU- *static*

.

Tim started talking after the audio cut to static.

"What you just heard is the last, partially recovered therapy session of Danny's in Chicago. The cameras were beyond salvaging. No one except Danny knows what happened after the audio cuts. What is known is that nearby witnesses heard what they claim sounded like a 'screaming moan' coming from the therapy room. When doctors and staff went to check; the therapist Mrs. Alders was slumped against the wall, appearing to have been forcefully pushed, with minor head trauma. Danny was curled up on the other side of the room, panicking and muttering about a Dan.

While Mrs. Alders mostly recovered from the incident, she does not know how she ended up slammed against the wall. Once this audio was recovered, it was turned over to the police. Given the severity of the... confession... in conjunction with the apparent assault, the courts decided to move Danny to an asylum for the criminally insane." Tim paused in the debrief, letting the information sink in. After a moment, Duke raised his hand. Jason scoffed at the action.

"This ain't kindergarten kid, say your bit."

"I just, that explains why an asylum in general. But why Arkham?" Tim nodded, pulling up a picture of a document.

"Kid's godfather, business tycoon and multimillionaire, Vlad Masters. Insisted that if his godson should have to go to an asylum, he'll go to the- and I quote- 'Best in the country.' Made a deal with the state that he'll foot the bill while he continues fighting for custody. Apparently didn't do his research enough to know that 'Best Known' and 'Best' are not the same." Bruce had the next question.

"So, Master's doesn't have custody yet?"

"Nope." Tim popped his 'p', pulling up more documents. Investigative reports. "Given Danny's reactions to him, CPS started investigating. Found a lot of shady shit. Narcissism, anger issues, control issues, coercion tactics. 

One agent said he tried to bribe her with a rather large sum of money, which she might have taken if she wasn't well enough off from a family inheritance and mostly doing this work for the kids. Of course, same agent also said he had 'Rancid vibes' and 'tried to posses' her, but her 'Grammy's necklace protected her' so her credibility was deemed iffy.

Still, there's enough there that it's unlikely Masters will be able to gain custody any time soon. So if Gotham's favorite serial adopter with a good track record for helping troubled kids, Brucie Wayne, were to step in..." Tim's smirk is infectious and makes its way around the table. Bruce's lips twitch ver briefly into a fond smile, before dropping back into a frown.

"What do you make of the... confession?" Jason doesn't even try to hold in his groan.

"Seriously, B? It was survivor's guilt or some kind of psychotic episode or something." Damian frowns.

"I would not discredit him so quickly, Hood. After all, his ghosts are real apparently."

"Hnn." Bruce gets that look on his face. The almost constipated frown that means he is going to have to do something unpleasant like host a gala or attend a business meeting or, "I will have to call Constantine to verify what the entity we are dealing with is." 

Jason lets out a gleeful snort. "Have fun with that one, B. In the mean time can I go break our kid out yet or what?"

"Actually, Hood," Jason turns a glare on Tim, who is once again holding his hands up placatingly. "That still leaves us with the issue of making him an escapee and you an accomplice."

"Well fuckin Brucie Wayne can't exactly just walk up to Arkham and ask if they've got any blue eyed black haired boys for him to adopt."

"Not exactly what I'm suggesting here."  Batman sighs.

"What are you suggesting." Tim pulls out a case he had tucked under the desk, a truly devious smirk painted across his face.

"Just a little temporary theft. Only long enough to put the kid's face on the news for Brucie to stumble across." He opens the case, sliding it over to Jason. Inside, a replica of a relic from Tim's own past; resized to fit his bigger, broader brother. "You remember Red X, don't you?" 

The green that had been tinting Jason's vision the whole meeting finally subsides, giving way to wicked mirth.

"Oh, hell yes." 

Batman sighs.

.

"You don't get it do you? I'm still here. I still exist. That means you still turn into me."

Another night, another nightmare of a memory jolting Danny back into the waking world. His chest is tight, a high whine suppressing itself in the back of his throat. Danny's eyes dart around his room, searching for the shadowy void of his most frequent visitor. But Spectra isn't there tonight. She hasn't come back since she was seen by Banana Bat. 

It's strange. Danny had gotten used to waking up with her there, towering over him, shadowy clawed hand resting somewhere on his body as she feasted on his misery. He didn't mind, really. He had plenty to give and she didn't even rough him up too bad. Just enough to keep the psyches concerned. The last 3 days without her presence had been... not lonely. Danny was already lonely. But emptier. Like the one good thing his continued existence was doing for someone had been ripped away.

Truly, Danny felt he had nothing left in this world. Nothing to give, nothing to gain. But he couldn't die. Couldn't unleash full ghost Phantom on the world again. That's what created Dan. No, this was what he had to give. All he had to give. To stay human so that Dan never becomes ghost.  To live, as the least burden he could be, so that Dan never died. 

Clockwork must have known what would happen if Danny fully died. That must be why he spared him. The Observants sentenced Danny to death. But Clockwork was smarter. He sentenced Danny to life. And really, it's such a small price to pay for the sins of his other self. 

Despite what the others say, Arkham isn't hell. The only issue Danny's had was the clown and that's not really anyone's fault. It's just, Danny looked at the Joker and he saw Freakshow. And he saw that stupid staff. And he heard that grating laugh. And all he could think about was how that was the only thing that could still turn him into Dan. If the clown took control again. He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't! Not becoming a Dan, not becoming a problem; that's all he could do now! He couldn't he couldn't he couldn't...

Danny was broken out of his spiraling thoughts by the now familiar buzzing echoing clanging sound of another break out. He closed his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. Then, suddenly, he was lifted up, hoisted onto someone's shoulders in a fireman's carry. 

"Damn kid, do you weigh anything?" 

Danny's eyes flew open, his body subconsciously tensed for a fight Danny wouldn't actually fight. The voice, clearly modulated, sounded high and breezy. His head turned to look at the person now forcefully evicting him from his room. Black body suit. White mask. Red slashes in a stylized X. Built like his Dad... Danny had no idea who this was.

For a moment, Danny felt a twinge of fear. He had no idea who this was. They obviously weren't with Arkham. They had just stolen him from his room and, holy shit they were flying now. No. Not flying, grappling. And running. Moving very fast towards the exit. With Danny. For unknown reasons. 

Holy shit, someone was kidnapping a teenager from an insane asylum. That, probably wasn't good. Any normal or sane person would be scared for their health and wellbeing. But, well... Danny was hardly normal. And sane was becoming increasingly questionable. 

And this guy, well he didn't trigger Danny's ghost sense. No chilly breath escaping his mouth. So he was human, not a ghost. It's not like a human could kill Danny. Not with his ghostly healing factor. Sure, they could make his life a living hell. Beat him, violate him, enslave him. But a human couldn't turn him into Dan so... Danny doesn't think he really cares. 

"Um, why are you carrying me?"

"Taking you out of here." 

"Clearly, I meant why?"

"Owe someone a favor." That was mildly concerning. Danny could think of one person who would stoop to this.

"Did Vlad send you?"

"Master's? Nope. He couldn't afford my services."

"Oh. Okay." As long as it wasn't Vlad. They were almost to the main gate now. There was screaming behind them, now. Danny loomed behind them as the person grappled up the wall and vaulted them over. Danny caught the barest glimpse of the twink in a burlap sack mask striding out the door, leaving a noxious cloud in his wake.

Then they're gone, grappling to then moving across rooftops. It's not a bad feeling. Kinda fun even. Flying as a ghost was nice. Really nice. But different from this. Gravity literally didn't touch you if you didn't want it too. But this? Danny could feel the pull of the earth, the force of every swing. Gravity was still there, exerting its influence, but they were defying it. 

For a tiny moment, Danny felt the ghost of a smile on his lips. The good feeling was fleeting, like all his feelings these days. But it was there and it was enough to shock a small "Oh." from Danny.

"Oh what, runt?"

"Nothing, just. Never grappled before. S'nice."

"Oh." It was such a soft thing, Danny once more found himself pondering the intentions of his kidnapper. 

"Do I get to know where we're going?"

"Safe house for the night. I'm your baby sitter."

"And tomorrow?"

"We'll see."

"...Okay."

.

The next morning, Vicki Vale stumbles across the story of her career (so far) sitting dazed and confused in her office. A prepubescent boy in an oversized Arkham uniform? The day after a breakout where Scarecrow and only one other inmate escaped? Oh this is bound to sell.

Okay, I know the show pretty heavily implies that Teen Titans Robin us Dick.

But

What if it was Tim?

[charlieeenby]

you put me in the ground, i ain't done

chapter 2: the second

becoming Robin, loosing him, and meeting Tim.

warnings and tags: talon Dick Grayson, adoption, major character death, (jason) mediocre parent Bruce, angst

title from i ain't done by the crane wives

Adjusting to life at Wayne Manor took time for Talon and Jason. Longer for Talon because Bruce wanted to find out who they’d been before they were Talon, but Talon had no interest in that.

In private, Talon wondered if they’d had a family, people who cared for them the way they cared for Jason, people who missed him.

And for a while, Bruce let it go. But every so often, he’d bring it up. Talon would growl and walk away, finding Jason and hiding both of them away. (Alfred knew where they were, but he’d never tell.)

Eventually, Bruce gave up, but he told Talon that if they ever changed their mind, he was’d be happy to help. Talon had responded with a hiss.

When Jason became Robin, Talon threw a fit. They grabbed Jason and hid the boy away, somewhere even Alfred couldn’t find them. Bruce and Alfred knew they were still in the house because food was going missing, but they never saw either one of them for almost two weeks.

“T, I’ll be okay, I swear.”

Talon tugged Jason closer. “Mine. Mine.” they cooed, petting Jason’s hair and grooming him.

“Yeah, T, I’m yours, but I can help people. People like me and you. Kids who need a friend. Victims of abuse or muggings. I can stop the bad guys.” Jason said gently, leaning into Talon.

For a while, a few hours, Talon said nothing. Over the next week and a half, Talon barely talked to Jason, just held the boy close. But one day, they pulled Jason onto their lap, setting their chin on his head.

“Little bird help people?”

“Yeah, T, I wanna help people.”

Talon sighed. “Only if Bat is there. No Bat, no little bird. Understand?”

Jason giggled, not that he’d ever admit it. “Yeah. Only if Batman is there.”

That got Talon to crack, and they nuzzled against Jason’s temple. “Talon will wait. You will come home or Talon will come get you and their will be no more little bird being Robin. Understand?”

Jason hugged Talon. “Yeah, I understand, T. Thank you.”

For the first year of Jason being Robin, Talon was incredibly anxious. They paced the length of the cave while Bruce and Jason were out and on a handful of occasions, followed the pair at a distance. They never intervened, just watched.

Bruce knew about this, but allowed it.

But over time, Talon relaxed a little, and stopped pacing the cave while waiting. They still waited, sitting high up on a ledge or right next to Alfred.

When Jason started acting out and being secretive, Talon tried to help, tried to figure out what was wrong, what they boy was hiding.

They learned nothing and Jason only pushed them farther away.

Then one day, Jason got into an argument with Bruce and then he ran away. Talon couldn’t find him. Talon’s little bird was gone and their was nothing they could do.

Talon was angry and hurt and sad. Jason was gone, in the ground. They wanted the pain to stop and they wanted their Jason back.

Instead, they had a rock with Jason’s name on it and an angry Bruce.

Bruce had yelled at Talon earlier so they had left and gone into Gotham, looking for bad people to hurt. But instead, Talon had found a small boy with a camera.

The boy had fallen asleep on a roof and Talon was worried that someone would hurt the small child.

Creeping up next to him slowly, Talon kicked a rock to make noise and wake the boy.

He startled and sat up, looking around wildly, freezing when he saw Talon. Neither of them said anything for a moment.

Talon waved at the little boy, and then to Talon’s amazement, the boy waved back.

“Hi.” he said quietly. “Who are you?” he asked Talon.

“Talon. You hurt?”

The boy shook his head, “No, just tired.”

“Go home. Be safe.” Talon said, worried.

The boy winced.

“Home not safe?” Talon questioned.

“It’s not home. No one else is there.”

Talon searched for the word for a moment. “Parents?”

The boy shook his head.

“Brother or sister or... other?”

“Siblings?” Talon nodded. “I don’t have any.”

“Friends?”

“No.”

Talon frowned. Small children needed people. That’s what Alfred had told them and Alfred was always right when he said stuff like that. Then an idea struck Talon.

“Come home with Talon. New family.”

“I can’t do that.” the boy said.

“Small child needs people.”

The boy tilted his head in confusion. “Huh?”

Talon hummed. “You small child.”

“Yeah.”

“Small child need people. You need people.”

“Oh. No, I’m okay. I have people, they’re just not at home right now, that’s all.”

“Then small child go home and wait for people. Or small child goes with Talon.”

The boy smiled. “I’ll go home.” the boy stood. “It was nice to meet you, Talon.” he said and Talon smiled at him.

Talon scooped up the boy, Tim, as they’d learned, and started walking towards the batmobile. Batman was there, waiting, and he frowned when he saw the boy in Talon’s arms.

“Talon, what...?”

“Small child needs people.” Talon said and got into the vehicle. Batman got in as well.

“Talon, we can’t just take children.”

Talon glared at Batman who winced, sighed, then started the engine.

“It’s okay, Mr. Batman.” Tim said softly.

Batman sighed again but said nothing.

Tim was a strange child. Jason had taken up a lot of space in Talon’s life, but it seemed like Tim was trying to take up as little space as possible. He never got seconds for meals, which worried Talon and Alfred. Bruce was… aware.

Talon also noticed that unless Talon offered affection, Tim never sought it out. So Talon started offering it more and more. They were careful never to assume that Tim wanted it, because there were rare occasions when Tim would say no.

Which Talon had no issue with, though they still worried. Talon’s favorite time with Tim was when Tim would come sit near Talon and work. This allowed Talon to keep an eye on his new bird while also respecting Tim’s boundaries.

When Tim became Robin, Talon actually held him hostage, hissing and growling at Bruce whenever the man tried to talk to them or get Tim. They allowed Alfred to bring food, but for a week, Tim and Talon were in the cave showers.

It wasn’t until Bruce came over and said that Talon could come with them that they let Tim go. For months, Talon was very clearly angry with Bruce and had no issue making that known.

[donniesbabygirl28]

can you please write a dallas winston x reader angst? thank you!

Of course darling <3 Also I didn't know what pronouns you wanted so I just put my default pronouns (Fem) I hope thats okay! <3

It was another fight between you and Dallas. This time if was over something stupid.

"God y/n. I don't get how you can say that I'm selfish, I tried to help!" He said, slamming his hand down on your bed.

You rolled your eyes in response.

"Really? because it sure as hell didn't seem like it when you were talkin with Tim. And I tried to tell you but you just brushed me off like I was a bug."

It was at the Nightly Double and you ran to Dally.

"Dally! A soc broke my hair clip and the necklace you gave me!" You said, grabbing his arm with fear in your eyes, looking around to make sure they didn't follow you.

"Not now y/n, I'm talking to Tim." He said, lightly pushing you away, not even looking at you.

He looked at you, his face lightly red from how angry he was.

"Jesus, all this for a stupid hair clip and a necklace I stole?" He said, getting close to you.

You throw the items at your bedroom door in anger.

"Dally, I don't give a fuck about those! I'm mad because you were being a bitch and pushed me away when I needed you. They aren't stupid, Dal. They mean something to me because YOU gave them to me. But I guess they don't mean shit anymore." You snapped.

"Just get out, Dally." You whispered, not looking at him. Just like he did you.

"Y/n we can talk about it-"

You pushed him.

"I said get out!" You opened the door, showing him the way out. Even though he knew.

"Alright I'll leave. I'll come and see you tomorrow, yeah?" He said with hope in his voice.

You didn't't say anything and and waited, before seeing his figure walk out of your room.

You slammed your door and took a shower and went to sleep.

"Johnny I think I fucked up, man." He said, looking at his close buddy.

Johnny looked at him, confused.

"What happened?"

Dally didn't say anything right away, trying to not get emotional.

"I guess I did something I shouldn't have- well actually it was something I should've done..but I didn't."

Johnny looked at him, taking a hit from his cig.

"We were watchin a move and.. some soc decided to mess with er' or somethin and broke the hair clip and necklace that I gave er'. And I just pushed her away when she needed me."

"Did you apologize?" He asked, passing him the cig.

He paused for a minute.

"No..no I didn't't." He said, taking a puff and handing it back to him.

"But I am tomorrow. I just hope she ain't too mad at me."

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

It wasn't even 7 in the morning when you heard a loud knock of your front door.

You groaned, getting up and headed downstairs, wanting to get back in bed as soon as possible.

You opened your front door.

"I will have the tag alongs and chocolate chip, 20 dollars take it or leave it, kid." You said rubbing your eyes.

Dallas smiled at you being sleepy, it was very cute in his opinion.

"Hey, man. Do I look like I girl scout to ya?" He said, hands in his pockets as he laughed.

"No. You look like a jackass." You said, your arms crossed and leaned against your door frame.

He smiled, not really knowing what to do.

"Well if you're just gonna stan here, I'm taking my ass back to bed." You said, shutting your front door, before it being pushed back open.

"No no. Please let me talk." He said frantically.

You hummed in response, letting him know you were listening.

"Um." He said, taking a necklace out of his jacket pocket, putting it on you.

"I-....I'm sorry. And I love you so much." He said, hugging you tightly.

You smiled, chuckling lightly.

"I love you too, Dally. Get in here. The next time you act like that, i'll kick your ass." You playfully threatened.

"Yes ma'am." He kissed your lips, shutting the front door.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Carve Me Up Into Someone You'd Like to Choose

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/OtmJu32 by havenshereagain Tim's parents have decided he needs another trip to the Rotenberg Institute - Bruce and Jason get a tip that the Rotenberg Institute is abusing children and decide to step in. Words: 5703, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Tim Drake (DCU), Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Jim Gordon (DCU), Jack Drake, Janet Drake Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Jack Drake & Janet Drake & Tim Drake Additional Tags: Bad Parents Jack Drake and Janet Drake, Autistic Tim Drake (DCU), Ableism, Tim Drake Joins the Batfamily Early (DCU), he doesn't actually get adopted in this fic but its inevitable, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, all in reference to Jack & Janet Drake + the fictional Rotenberg Institute, Tim Drake Whump (DCU), Tim Drake and Jason Todd are Siblings, Jason saw him and went he's little brother shaped, takes place pre Ethopia, Jason Todd is Robin, Jason Todd is Good With Kids, he cares so much about children being abused, Jason is such a good kid okay, no beta we die like Jack and Janet drake, Shock Collars, well shock bracelets really, Mentions of Feeding Therapy, it's brief but feeding therapy in general really bugs me so i feel the need to tag it, title from Words Ain't Enough by Tessa Violet read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/OtmJu32

[emeraldsandamethyst]

Rooftop Express (43888 words) by EmeraldsAndAmethyst

Chapters: 21/???

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 | incomplete

Fandom: DPxDC / DCxDP

Rating: Mature | Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relationships: Dead on Main (Danny Fenton/Jason Todd), Danny Fenton & Jazz Fenton, Danny Fenton & The Bat Family, Danny Fenton & Random Gothamites, Jason Todd & The Bat Family

Summary: Danny Fenton just wants to help his big sister be comfortable in Gotham. But he is getting so done with not being able to fly around freely. Danny tries to do things on the up and up but just progressively accidentally starts looking more and more like a new rogue trying to get set up. His parents must be retired super villains, which might not mean anything. But the rest of the evidence isn't very promising.

And then he finds a half-ghost no one knew anything about. Befriending him in the suit instead of out isn't helping his 'definitely not a super villain' case in the slightest.

Jay's Ghost Form by me (EmeraldsAndAmethyst)

Red Hood's New Symbol | Red Hood Gang Symbol | Red Hood Gang Stamp collaboration

Characters: Danny Fenton, Jazz Fenton, Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Pamela Isley, Harleen Quinzel, Original Characters

Additional Tags: Pre-Relationship, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Delivery Person Danny Fenton, Danny Fenton-centric, Trans Danny Fenton, Pining, Mutual Pining, Aged-Up Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like danny AND jason, Not Beta Read, Miscommunication, Family, Himbo Danny Fenton, Danny Fenton has ADHD, Incomplete, Humor, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe - Delivery Person, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Jason Todd is Undead, Halfa | Half-Ghosts (Danny Phantom), Halfa Jason Todd, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character Death, Guns, Danny Fenton Has Issues, Danny Fenton Has PTSD, Ain't no one neurotypical in here, Autistic Tim Drake, Everyone Has Issues, everyone has PTSD, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Gang Violence, Gangs, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Beginnings, Brother Feels, Brothers, Autistic Damian Wayne, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Mutilation, Trans Jason Todd

[ultfreakme]

I genuinely don't care if you like Chris or not. He's a fictional character, so you don't even need a reason to dislike him. It's your right to hate him if you want. But nitpicking a six-year-old's every move to justify your hate for him isn't it. And also, don't try to dismiss his abuse because "it doesn't make sense." It's wrong to do that. You should probably consider joining Tim Drake's fandom because this is the same thing they do to Damian.

It's obvious the reason you don't like Chris is because you like Jon. But maybe don't go on Chris' tag, a tag used by his fans, and say how you don't believe anyone cares about him. The tag you should've used is "Anti Chris Kent." You wouldn't like it if someone said, "I don't understand how anyone can like Jay Nakamura" and tagged the post "Jay Nakamura." (And no, I don't hate Jay. He is a cool dude. It's just an example.)

As for your arguments:

You don't need your hand held through the whole story to understand why Chris acts the way he does. He's an abused kid who latches onto the first adult who shows him kindness. It's not a headcanon, it's shown in the story. They don't need to spell it all out for us to understand;

Seriously, nitpicking a child saying he is hungry? Really?;

In the story after the one with Tim, Chris is shown to be scared Clark is going to abandon him. It's why he acts like a picture-perfect kid. At the end of the story, Clark reassures him he would never because they are a family now;

Even post age-up, Chris is still Clois' kid. That's how adopting a kid works. Lois is a recurring character in his portion of New Krypton. Chris has something the twins don't—a relationship with Lois. Unfortunately, PKJ never bothered to give Lois any scenes with the twins. Not that he had the page space to;

Almost every argument you gave as to why you don't like Chris can be used for Jon. He was tortured for years by an evil version of his dad and came back normal. He even ate an apple and isn't hungry Clois kids something you dislike? Jon shows no signs of PTSD, no nothing. So clearly, a character showing no signs of previous abuse (even though there isn't a right way to be an abuse survivor) is a problem to you only when you already don't like the character;

Don't try and dismiss Chris' abuse because "it doesn't make sense" for Zod and Ursa to do that. They are monsters and what Chris went trough sucks;

At the end of the day, unlike the Batfam, Clark and Lois' kids don't get enough time and space to develop properly, so there's a lot more that could be done with them. This applies to Chris, Jon, and the twins. There are things I didn't like about how they handled Chris' character (mainly his New Krypton arc), and there are things I didn't like about how they handled Jon and the twins. None of them are perfect or have had their full potential utilized.

Like I said, like what you will. Don't care. Just don't go on characters' tags and say you don't understand how anyone could like them. I ain't coming back to argue more, this is my last anon. Peace.

You're right I should have used the anti tag. You know, I outlined about 5 times, that I am NOT talking about the character. I had also said "hey, this is all entirely on ME, I am not convinced by this storytelling". I had not mentioned Jon extensively(three or four lines iirc) & stuck mainly to the super twins. I had constantly said "Geoff John's fucked up writing this story". You are the one who kept sending me asks, I gave you an explanation. I had repeatedly said "I see why people enjoy the themes attempted at being explained by Chris Kent but the execution was not compelling to me "

I will not be treating a fictional character, ultimately vehicle for storytelling and conveying themes, like an actual human. The Zod-Ursa thing, let me illustrate; Brainiac is an absolutely evil villain but he wont be calling any potential child of his a "little shit" or resorting base verbal abuse because despite this being legitimate child abuse behaviour, because for Brainiac-the-character, its OOC. He'd call any child of his inferior and dismiss any concerns or questions the child has, he won't be using his own hands, he'd be using his tech, he'd not raise his voice. And if he did, I'd ask why because this isnt in line with previous behaviour. I'd say the same for nice character as well, Clark's kindness is different to Bruce's because their backgrounds dictate the way they act. Clark is going to take a kid he rescued to park & talk to him lots and initiate jokes to calm them. Bruce is going to give a kid he rescued candies, speak to them calmly and have a more settled tone focused on helping this kid process the experience. Character motivation and MO.

I am not going to feel bad about asking a fictional character to be written with more coherence. I'm not nitpicking. That was an entire page with a giant establishing shot out of about 20 pages. I'm not nitpicking an actual 6 year old, I'm questioning GJ and the artist's choices in depicting that entire interaction so strangely. This entire medium is visual storytelling, and im going to ask for better. Chris in that issue was apparently so insecure and afraid he was....lifting shit up and smiling the entire time, cool as a cucumber. The tone was WILD. Pardon me for critiquing a creative move.

EDIT ADDITION: "He even ate an apple and isn't hungry Clois kids something you dislike? Jon shows no signs of PTSD, no nothing. So clearly, a character showing no signs of previous abuse (even though there isn't a right way to be an abuse survivor) is a problem to you only when you already don't like the character;" this made me crack up oh my god.

Okay, I'll take it seriously. Jon ate an apple, Jon actually on his return from torture volcano time specifically, pointedly, ate a LOT. Because we see via art on previous pages that Ultraman was barely feeding him and when he did, it was a LIVE PIG. Jon's hungry because of the torture. Even a detail you think is innocuous had previous establishing moment. Jon still eats and eats a LOT, because he was starved. Abuse impacting behaviour! And Jon does show symptoms of PTSD throughout SOKE & AOSJK & every subsequent run he's been in.

It manifests as his insecurities about his powers, and his apprehension around Clark! Jon's been told by Ultraman and many others that he is a tool, an object for people to do whatever they want with. He is also been a rather mercurial and too-powerful tool who on-page has been manipulated for his powers specifically time and time again(even in the recent arc). So how does Jon deal with his trauma? By controlling his powers and making them as fine-tuned as possible. Jon DOES exhibit signs, and it makes sense for his character. His entire deal is being a good Superman, and to do that he neglects anything bad that happens to himself and keeps suppressing, this plays a role in his coming out too (illustrated in SOKE #5 and in Dark Crisis). So no, Jon eating an apple & exhibiting signs of PTSD in a covert manner....is intentional and entirely present & you'd have to read subtext. This is where the writing leaves stuff for readers to pick stuff up from the background and won't handhold me through, which you have entirely forgotten despite how obvious it is.

I literally led you through why, from an objective standpoint, PKJ is a better storyteller, but you keep making this into a conversation about the characters and act like I have kicked an actual breathing 6 year old and made him cry. I read the Tim issue, I further read to the issue where Chris Kent finally expressed an actual emotion that made sense for his character and it took.....let's see....about 10 issues from his moment of existence? And it was done by a different writer! Busiek is good at writing Chris & I'm sure if they continued writing him, or started by writing him, they'd have done a better job with everything. The whole abandonment and adoption theme actually exists as a thing under Busiek in Superman.

I don't care about Chris. It's not a "ahaha I'm evil I hate this abused child" thing. I don't care about Tim, Damian or a million other characters with similarly tragic backstories which probably got handled well. I personally, am not compelled by him and in year 2020-2024 when I jumped into comics, I have more options of super kids to enjoy.

You dont need to make me imagine a scenario where people say Jay or Jon sucks and they arent compelling because half of Jay & Jon's tags are a billion times worse than the two lines I said, often with people tagging on "Chris was better" accompanied by sprinkles of biphobia, homophobia and a dash of racism against Jay. I didnt even say "Chris Kent bad". You are also free to think Jon and Jay dont compel you. If you make such a post, I will block you and delete any ask outlining that, because I don't care to subject myself to that. I'd also probably make a meta post on my own blog about jon and jay. I said I dont think Chris Kent fans exist because at this point in time, the Chris Kent iteration is completely gone from any ongoing storylines and I just didnt think people would be dead-set on a writing decision made over a decade ago. That'd be like saying "hey I miss robin version of Jason Todd, he should come back" at least in my perspective, but I am clearly wrong.

You could've just directly initially informed me to put in the anti tag, you are right in asking for that and I am sorry I didnt do that. I assumed you wanted a conversation with me since this is my blog, my platform & I'm too detached to Chris & the Super twins so I can talk in terms of writing rather than "this character is precious blorbo". I had only read on the Geoff John's Action run and the writing and art was so bad and that's all literally anyone in the chris kent tag even talks about. I get that you're defensive about chris, but you're barking up the wrong tree on speaking of his good traits because I just, I really dont care. Not dislike. I'm utterly indifferent to him as a character. The fan reaction from that side to Jon is what prompted me to make the initial post.

If you are still reading for some reason, go forth, have fun making Chris headcanons, live your best life. I still am not compelled and am confused why people are this hung up on him.

[goldilocks-pony]

“Trust me. For once in your damn life, trust me.” + with tally? dont know if you still write them, just felt like it fit lol

Trust Me, Doll

I'm so sorry for taking thus long to write this, I promise I didnt forget about this. And yes I do still write tally

Ships/characters: tally

Warnings: cursing and violence

Tagging: @sarcasticpenguini @k0smik0phobia @butchisopods @papa-no-cheese @footnotesnake @mx-misty-eyed @sophie-i-guess13 @cha0s-incarnated

---

He let out a cry of pain as a foot collided with his spine. He bite his lip and closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was anywhere but on this dirty concrete. He felt someone pull him onto his back and straddle him. He pulled out his forearm and started carving with a knife. As the blade peirced his skin he let out a howl of pain.

"God fucking dammit, didn't anyone tell you that screaming is for pussies?" A guy kneeling above him cursed. "Someone with a reputation like you shouldn't be screaming like a little girl."

All of the three guys began to chuckle, but was cut off soon by footsteps and hollers. "HEY! HEY! YOU FUCKING BASTARDS STOP THAT SHIT!" Dallas felt the weight of than man lifted off his chest and he gasped for a breath of air. He sat up and clutched his arm, panting trying to catch his breath after that beating. He looked to his left and saw Tim shepherd. The two smaller guys ran as he wailed on the guy who was cutting his arm. He stood up and threw him to the ground, wiping his hands off his shirt before yelling, "You fucks better watch your backs."

As the final guy ran away he knelt next to Dallas. He took his arm in his hand, looking at the deep gash in his arm. "God, Dal, you got yourself in deep shit this time."

Dallas began to grunt and mumbled, "Didn't need any help, I can handle myself."

"Shut up for once amd accept they wouldve killed you if I didn't." He paused and sighed as the blood began to run onto his fingers and hands. "Listen, I know we didn't end on good terms last time but for once in your fucking life trust me and let me help you."

Dallas looked away, "Only if you promise you won't take me to no E.R."

Tim scoffed, "Ya ain't dying so there's no reason for that." He stuck out a hand to help Dallas up. "You might as well just crash at my place, only the kids are there."

Dallas just nodded as he grabbed hold of Tim's arm to steady himself.

"Thank you for trusting me, doll."

[panelshowsource]

sorry this is so long — i let my inbox back up a little but also some of these are so thoughtful and i hate not responding thoughtfully!

remember to block the tag 'long post' if you hate seeing long posts :')

first of all aww anon thank you so much and second of all you don't watch taskmaster? how can you stand following my blog if you don't? hahahahah especially during taskmaster season i feel so bad the blog ends up being like 70% tm even though if i could have it may way i'd never gif new content and just gif totally random old content like always hehehehehe but it's cute to me how many hog fans are in my inbox these days! i'll try and gif it more for you guys :)

and you should watch taskmaster!!! and come back and tell me what you think!! start with s1!!! it's on the masterpost linked in my bio!

idk anon you'd have to ask them that but generally they would consider themselves to be irish-american; i wasn't trying to make a statement about that when i said that i think new yorkers understand a person like ed, though i think it's far to say that even diasporic communities will retain (at least) a handful of characteristics and nuances from their homelands

yesssss we all love ed! i think a lot of us know him from mock the week and his bffship with dara (i have some of their travel buddy series on my non-panel show masterpost!), but of course he's also an accomplished standup!

actually, just last month in an exclusive with metro he said this:

It seems remarkable Ed hasn’t appeared yet in its 16 seasons. ‘They haven’t asked. If they had, I would,’ Ed said, with a dash of longing. ‘There’s really only one slot per series of someone answering my description,’ he mused. ‘We’re kind of the most overprescribed demographic in the industry. There’s no shortage of people who look and sound like me that are ahead of me in the queue for that slot.’ Even so, it would have been nice… Greg? Are you listening?

(ps. that article claiming 8 out of 10 cats is cancelled... 👀 don't get me wrong, i know it's been a couple years since it's been on, but afaik no cancellation was ever announced 👀)

i know a lot of people are very hung up on the fact david mitchell said he wouldn't do taskmaster — and i'm a sure there are a handful of others who either wouldn't or couldn't when they were asked (jack dee had a scheduling conflict back in the day, right? and alex still desperately wants him?) — but one thing that has been consistently reinforced for years, and especially since taskmaster moved to channel 4, is it is far and away the biggest, most in-demand opportunity amongst comedians and light entertainers (— on network television; of course, if you're standup, your own standup special on channel 4, netflix, whatever has gotta be number one, but i disgress). taskmaster is huge: everyone talks about how comedians play 100-seat rooms, go on taskmaster, and then BOOM sell out massive tours. the show can really change your life, so there is hardly a comedian who wouldn't go on if given the chance — especially someone like ed, who i had mentioned a couple months ago being of the jenny eclair variety (an opportunist; professional jealousy ain't no stranger). i know he's waiting for that damn phone to ring!

and i think he makes an incredible point that not many series are gunning for more than one straight white middle-aged man (though it's happened before, of course). actually, i was just thinking about how that role — the white, middle-aged, experienced senior comedian — is chosen; in almost every single case, it's a very famous comedian who will draw viewers and reinforce legitimacy (frank skinner, al murray, hugh dennis, bob mortimer, rhod gilbert, david baddiel, richard herring, lee mack, alan davies, dara, you get the point) or it's a comedian who alex, whether he's friends with them or not, really really likes (tim key, dave gorman, mark watson, tim vine, mike wozniak, i know they're well-known but even ardal o'hanlon and julian clary who alex personally loves). does ed fall into either of those categories? super famous ratings draw or one of alex's friends/comedy heroes? frankly...i'm not sure...and i think that may be what's keeping him mid-way down the list...

still, very cute of the journalist from this article to be gunning so hard for him to be on the show! i have to admit, i know it might seem like i'm biased because i like him, but i really really think he would be really really good on the show. imo — and it's just imo, people will disagree — the most important aspect of the best series of taskmaster is the banter. it's people who speak up, who fight, who tease, who want to win, who want laughs, who play off the audience, who make quick friends, who talk to greg, who talk to alex. ed TALKS. ed wants screen time. ed wants to fuck around. ed wants to win. so i think he would really take advantage of the format and i'd love to see it!

you are allowed to say i told you so! it was amazing! thanks for reading my bullshit, i tried to take it really seriously so i could just link to it any time someone asks me if i've seen it hahahah who was your fave contestant?

i could write a really long response to this because it's something i have — or could find lmfao — a lot to say about, but knowing this post is already gonna be long (hahah i hate myself) lemme try to boil my brain down

1) i covered my personal opinion of what makes the strongest series of taskmaster in my (very long) recent taskmaster nz s2 post; 2) recency bias — it's in the name! people are biased because it's recent [shrug]; 3) A LOT of people have not seen every series of taskmaster (gasp! i know...) so they won't have the full taskmaster uk canon in mind when they're making such claims; 4) there is a strong divergence between the comedy nerds who watch taskmaster for comedy and the light entertainment viewers who watch taskmaster for general pleasantness, and you gotta consider who you're talking to when you're listening to someone's opinion; 5) i think there's a very long convo you could have about the reticence of a huge faction of taskmaster fans to criticise the show/tasks/contestants/alex — which is why a lot of people like it and its community, because it's often an echo chamber of positivity — but maybe we won't have that convo now haha

^ me being concise!! wow never thought we'd see that day

yes totally anon! i'll make massive gifsets of all of them when the season ends, if that works? :)

wow interesting question! i know a few people who watch taskmaster on and off, and i definitely know people like you who enjoy the odd clip (why is it always bob mortimer on wilty lmfaooo), but otherwise i wouldn't say i spend too much time convincing people to watch stuff. wilty and taskmaster are pretty accessible, but a lot of panel shows are about the uk news, uk current events, have uk c-list celeb guests, etc, and i don't think people would be interested. plus, i have you guys!!! (i don't really have internet friends besides posting here and interacting with you guys :'))

not that long ago, i was at a dinner party and someone said, "have you seen that show taskmaster?" and ... do you know what it's like for me!!! ... i had to take a deep breath and say inside my head 'sarah be cool' and i finally went, "i have! fun show haha" and not start TWITCHING ... they were telling the people around us a little bit about it and getting some of the details wrong and i just sat there nodding like :) and didn't correct them bc being a know-it-all isn't cool and i didn't want to risk it 💀

it's too bad we don't have more of a light entertainment culture here, especially a comedian-driven one :(

(so random but speaking of light entertainment has anyone else been seeing michael barrymore all over tiktok? those kids say the funniest things clips are my wholeeeee fyp)

hahaha yesss we do know suzi around here!! though she's not been on many panel shows recently-ish so i probably haven't posted her in a while. if your fave taskmaster contestants are wide-eyed, smiley people who radiate optimism and go-get-em attitudes then suzi would definitely be the one!

did i mention rick edwards or is this just your sly way of bringing up a sexy man? ...i see you anon😏 he has the face of someone who should have been working on that big wall in games of thrones you know the one where jon tory scum snow ended up? that's a specific compliment but just trust me it's complimentary

i'm sorry about your heartbreak :( it's like me with whites, we've all got that one show :(

yesss it so is! <3

is it weird to imagine joe and mike woz in the same room or is that just me...

—

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK