#not sure when/if i'll go back to twitter because i'm more afraid of twitter even though it's tumblr where i got harassed but

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

03/29/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Taika/Rachel; Con O'neill; Will Arnett; Trans Day of Visibility; Cool Pirates; Fan Spotlight; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

Hey lovelies, I'm late again, but I got some good sleep. I'm finding it's much easier to write love notes after I wake up so I'm debating how I wanna go about moving forward :) I'll keep you posted. Hope you have a good day <3

= David Jenkins =

Chaos Dad just poking his head out to weigh in on the milk debate. Src: @Soupbeech on twitter

= Rhys Darby =

Just a little sing along with our favorite captain.

The Edge Podcast: Apple / Spotify Source: EdgeAfternoons Instagram

= Taika Waititi =

Taika is spreading the word on Rachel House's new movie The Mountain! Src: Taika's IG

= Con O'Neill =

Con O'Neill just out in Dublin feeling cute. Src: Con's IG

= Will Arnet =

Will Arnett is just hanging with a few... Former Presidents of the United States?! SRC: Will Arnett's IG

= Samba Schutte =

== Trans Day of Visibility: Cool Pirates ==

#CoolPirates from the crew side: Jes Tom! @jesthekid 💛🤍💜🖤 🏳️‍⚧️ Instagram / Tumblr

== Fan Spotlight ==

Yes! And how could we forget, CHICKEN HAT MAN, Ted Barton! Thank you @melvisik!!

= Big Gay Energy Podcast =

Another reaction episode of Big Gay Energy Podcast is out!

== Love Notes ==

Can I just take a moment to tell you all how much you mean to me? I have been on the internet for a long time, since the olden days of AOL, Dial Up Internet, yelling at your family to get off the phone so you can log on, and when google image search had only like 3 pictures when you did a search on it (my first image search was Harrison Ford by the way).

And never in my many years of fandoms, and being online have I ever met such a wonderfully welcoming group of people. I spent a lot of years being anxious, and even now, when my confidence has grown, it was hard at first to want to just jump into the fandom. But you know what? I took a leap, and all you wonderful people just welcomed me, and every other person with open arms. You were kind, and supportive, and continue to be every single day.

I see so many folks mention that they were afraid to use tumblr or to engage and then some kind person in the fandom made them feel safe and welcome, and now we have another lovely, talented, kind, beautiful member of our crew.

This fandom really is second to none, and I want you to know just how much a positive impact on the world you have, because it's huge. And sure, we do some other cool stuff like raise money and things but like, on a day to day scale, you make people feel safe. Our crew gets to go throughout there day with a positive experience they didnt have prior... they can take that positivity and spread it to others because they might have one more spoon today because of all of you.

I just want you to know you make such a wonderful impact on this world, so if you're ever struggling and wondering where to go from here, poke your head back into this fandom and see all the love we have for you.

Hope you have a lovely day/night m'dears, get some rest this weekend <3

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Today's theme is Silly!

Darby gif courtesy of @thunderwingdoomslayer

Taika gift courtesy of @mxmollusca

[lemonhemlock]

Sansa says to Tyrion: “You’re afraid of her.” And Tyrion replies: “Every good ruler needs to inspire a bit of fear.”

Is that true? Should every good ruler do that?

Should Sansa be afraid of her and was her behavior towards Daenerys smart?

I feel like it was, Sansa's stance against kneeling to Daenerys was not just about defiance; it was a strategic move reflecting her commitment to Northern independence and sovereignty. Sansa's refusal to kneel to Daenerys wasn't about provoking her for the sake of it. It was a calculated decision to assert Northern autonomy and ensure that any alliance with Daenerys was on equal terms. Kneeling would have symbolized submission, potentially compromising the North's ability to negotiate from a position of strength. Sansa understood the risks but believed that standing firm was crucial for preserving Northern identity and security.

What an interesting question! Unfortunately, I was taught only one seminar class on Machiavelli during my one History of the Middle Ages course,* so I'll not insist on the discourse on whether he was writing satire, was being deceitful, opportunistic (my teaching assistant at the time certainly thought he was!) or was genuinely writing a <mirror for princes> in the hopes of Italian unification as he may have seen tyrants as an effective political typology who could achieve that goal. Others more well-read than me can comment much more in-depth on this topic.

*I know this is the Renaissance, it was an expansive course, alright. :)

The question should at least begin with a discussion around Machiavelli IMO because he is very obviously the most famous source for the quote and the majority of the population familiar with this quandary have most likely heard it in association with him. But it's very telling that the idea of being feared is the one D&D latched on to, no? This reminds me of that Twitter meme of red flag books you see in men's houses after going on a couple of dates and the list contained titles like The Prince, American Psycho, Atlas Shrugged, How to Win Friends and Influence People etc.

Even so, even if you take the text at face value, that's not exactly what the man says, is it? He is pondering several options. In fact, let me whip out my copy of The Prince I bought way back in the cretaceous period for Year 1.

Even if you believe he is being genuine here and not just sucking up to (or trying to placate) Lorenzo di Medici, he is saying that love & fear > fear > fear and hatred. So, whatever you do, make sure you are not hated. And what is a sure-fire way to getting hated? Taking people's stuff! "Above all, a man must refrain from seizing the property of others, because a man is quicker to forget the death of his father than the loss of his patrimony"! And how does Dany answer Sansa's question of "what do dragons eat"? What does she say? "Whatever they like." Does whatever they like perchance include the assets of the Northerners, like cattle and sheep? Hmmm.....

In any case, Machiavelli was an ardent Republican, so why is he giving advice to princes? There is a contradiction that lies at the heart of this question and in how fandom perceives some elements of ASOIAF as well. Authoritarian rulers and tyrants can be very effective. It doesn't mean we should accept or normalize authoritarian rule. These two things are not in contradiction. Machiavelli doesn't have to believe, in his heart of hearts, that tyrants are preferable; he can simply write about how to make them efficient. And, again, I'm leaving the conversation about his true intentions to others who have genuinely studied the issue, because it is still under debate.

How I'm redirecting this back to ASOIAF is by pointing out that a lot of critiques of Westerosi rulers are hesitant to characterize any kind of imperious or strongman ruler as efficient, even when the text doesn't point to any material issue that might undermine their rule. Tywin Lannister and Walder Frey are examples of this. To my knowledge, there is no real contestation of their rule by their bannermen or smallfolk and they are not exactly the warmest individuals. Yes, they die, because they are the playthings of the author and he is killing them to make a thematic point. Not because they were overthrown by their underlings or in a peasant revolt. Tywin is killed by his own son in an act of personal revenge that has nothing to do with politics. Walder Frey is killed similarly by Arya in the show (in the books he is still alive). But, that doesn't mean that, in the real world, rulers like Stalin don't exist and are not successful and always pay for their crimes.

I would thus advance the proposition that GRRM does think that tyrants might be effective, but not that they should be endorsed and definitely the endgame of the series will not involve another tyrant on the throne, because he has power over these characters and he can eliminate whomever he wants from the narrative if he doesn't believe they fit the profile for the type of ruler he is looking for.

Ping-pong-ing back to the show, the question is ultimately a misunderstanding of the themes by D&D. They conflate being effective with being a "good" ruler. And it is important to define that efficiency in the first place! Machiavelli talks a lot about how to maintain your seat as a prince once you've got it. And the discussion on love vs fear happens in the context of how to prevent oneself from acquiring the ire of the population / one's subalterns and prevent being ousted. But would that truly be the trait GRRM is looking for in his ideal model of a king? A good king being one who efficiently held onto the crown? What about policy? What exactly is Dany's policy for Westeros? She has none in the show. In the books she has none as well, but at least she hasn't reached Westeros there yet, so there may be time for her to formulate something.

Regardless, the population shouldn't be afraid of its rulers, who serve for them. The only reason one should feel fear in relation to one's rulers is because they are judicious applicators of the law and would mete punishment accordingly if one has committed a crime. This is very much an idealistic manifestation of the relationship between the two, but it is not an entirely new concept. Even in the context of the divine right of kings,* there existed paternalistic notions of benevolence (noblesse oblige being one such manifestation), the idea that the upper classes have social responsibilities to care and protect the vulnerable and those less fortunate. So the idea of the elites being indebted in a way (or more like having a duty towards) the populace has always permeated political thinking. Of course, in the case of unjust rulers, philosophers like Thomas Aquinas also condoned tyrannicide (legally permitted in Ancient Greece, too). So, I would so as far as to say that there is basis enough to argue that a "good" ruler is one who cares for their people and doesn't abuse them or incite negative associations such as fear - and that it's probably what GRRM also has in mind when writing these godforsaken books.

*although I suppose I should mention that the idea that God granted monarchs authority to rule predates the coinage of that term, which is essentially absolutist in phrasing, because we are LARP-ing medieval times here and that predates the absolutist monarchy, contrary to what viral posts will have you believe (no, I will never shut up about this).

As for the second part of your question, yes, I would say that in the context of the show, Sansa refusing to kneel to Dany would be consistent with the goal D&D gave her, namely Northern independence. So it wasn't about antagonizing Daenerys the person or playing mind games, it was about achieving her political objective and implementing her own policies, as Sansa was one of the only characters shown to care about the logistics of survival, ensuring the needs of her population and caring for them as best as she could. Had she failed, Daenerys would have kept asking for her armies and money in order to fight in her world domination tour - a loss of resources that Sansa wanted to prevent.

Please bear in mind, though, that a lot of this is coloured by the weird decision to have Cersei be the final villain to defeat, whereas it's much more likely that in the books the battle against the wights is going to be the final, major battle. It's likely that the dynamics in the books will be different - not saying that Dany and Sansa are going to be bffs, but Jon, for instance, could have a much greater political involvement, one would hope, instead of being reduced to moodily repeating 3 lines. Also, Dany's public perception might very well change if she, IDK, murders her alleged nephew Aegon VI or engages in other endearing brouhaha.

[berryyummy]

Innocent Shy Boy Head Cannon

×spoiler×

Hi guys! I fell in love with Ethan after watching Scream 6. But It has a doubtful part. Ethan is GF, why did he take Mindy to the hospital? It would have been better to just leave her alone and join the family. It's nonsense! And I love him, but I can't stop thinking about what it would have been like if he had been a really sweet and innocent guy. So... Here's my hc! I'll add more as I think of them. I'm not good at English, let me know if there are any awkward expressions!

Elementary and middle school homeschooling. High school was hell for him. He came to New York with dreams of a great college life.

He lacks social skills. But he's cute and kind, so his flaws are covered. He's fun to watch.

He can be friends with girls, but just the thought of going on a date turns him into a squeaking robot.

He doesn't know how cute he is. If someone praises him for being cute or pretty, he will be embarrassed. He wants to be told he's handsome!

He's stronger than he looks,but he never gets a chance to show it. He often imagines lifting a girl's heavy load.

He has his first gay crush when he sees Chad, he readily accepts that he is bisexual. what? Chad is the real alpha male. It is the providence of nature that he is attracted to him.

Most of his clothes are too big or the sleeves and length are too short or too worn or have peculiar prints.

He can't do housework. He puts all his clothes through the washing machine without thinking about what he will wear tomorrow.

Fortunately, his roommate can share clothes with him! Chad is shorter than Ethan but has a wider torso. He gladly gives his dark long sleeves to Ethan. (Because it suited Ethan so well)

He can't even cook. The only cooking utensil he can use is a microwave. what he does best are peanut jelly sandwiches and cup noodles.

He genuinely enjoys hanging out with his friends, but meanwhile, he misses a lot in the internet world. Whenever he has free time, he sticks his nose into his smartphone and types at a breakneck speed.

He considers suggesting that Chad wear a Mario and Luigi costume to the house party. But it was dismissed as too gay and loser by his Twitter friends, so it's just a thought.

He obviously loves Nintendo. I'm sure he has all the Nintendo machines and game chips.

There are always snacks in his backpack. mostly Cheetos, Doritos, Pringles, Twix, Jelly Beans or Oreo cokie. Some days they're all in. Of course, he always has a tissue in his pocket to wipe his hands with!

He's the one sharing the snacks. He always reaches out with a snack bag to his friends without saying anything.

He is close to Chad > Anika > Tara > Sam > Quinn > Mindy. Quinn and Mindy uncomfortable him in different ways. Quinn embarrasses him and Mindy's suspicion hurts him.

"Will I die a virgin?" It came out of his mouth before he even thought about it. He considers taking a leave of absence.

On the night of the murder, he finishes his econ and returns to his dormitory to write reports and study for exams. He's worried about his roommate who doesn't come back until late at night, he texts, there's no reply. He assumes that Chad will be with Tara. So he just played some games on his laptop and went to bed.

Only the next morning he finds out what happened. Chad grabbed him by the collar before a voice could come out of his mouth. He's genuinely hurt, but the feelings fly out of his head when he hears that two of his friends have lost their lives.

He proves his alibi, but the charges are still there. He doesn't know what to do. He couldn't even properly commemorate the deaths of his friends, but he was accused of murder, And he's being chased by a crazy psycho killer

After being targeted by Ghost Face, he is unable to come to his senses. His sense of reality is gone and he is dazed and afraid. He looks around for comfort, but hides his feelings because his friends seem more fearful than him.

It's him who gets attacked by Ghostface on the train. Gf first stabs Ethan, who is an easy target, and then tries to stab Mindy, but Ethan is strong and resists for quite some time.

He was stabbed twice in the stomach but survived. He sees Mindy approaching him and bursts into tears he has been holding back. He cries loudly like a baby. Mindy soothes him until the 911, but to no avail, so she just covers his mouth.

The next day, he is still in the hospital, He listens to his friends that Ghostface's identity was Detectives Bailey and Quinn. He is so startled that his jaw drops.

Mindy apologizes to him for doubting him. Honestly at this point he doesn't care at all. He's just grateful that he and his friends survived. they all hug each other.

[seresinsbabe]

Can I send in two?? 🤭

#1 & #13 with Jake 🥰

Hi! You absolutely can! Thank you for asking! I wasn't sure which 13 you wanted, so I went with the

TWs: Nightmares, death, descriptions of dead bodies, allusions to bad childhoods.

Hurt/Comfort Prompts

1. “Did you have a nightmare?”

They didn't happen often. At least not anymore. Not since you'd met Jake. Your childhood wasn't the best, it had resulted in a lot of trauma you were still working through. A lot times you thought Jake was going to leave you, because of how hard you were to handle. At least in your mind, but he wasn't. He never wavered in his love for you, just made sure that if he could be there he was.

After this latest deployment the nightmares came back, but they were different. Images of Jake dying over and over plagued your dreams. Because on this deployment Jake came close to dying. He wound up fine, ego a little bruised, but physically fine.

This time you watched Jake go down, his plane up in flames, his body twisted and mangled. You were trying to get to him, but it was like you were running in place. All the monsters that ruined your childhood inched closer, but you could never get further away.

You woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of the front door closing. What time was it?

11:45.

Jake told you it was going to be a late night. You had wanted to try and stay up for him, but you couldn't. Your eyelids had gotten way to heavy and you'd fallen asleep without realizing it.

"Sweethe..." Jake's voice trailed off when he caught sight of you on the couch. "Did you have a nightmare?" Stupid question. He knew you did from the way you looked. The blanket haphazardly tangled in your legs, your hair a mess from all your thrashing. He was willing to bet your shirt was a little damp from sweating.

He took a few strides to get closer to you and pulled you into his arms. The second your head hit his chest you felt the sobs. He didn't ask you about it and you didn't tell. Your hands gripped onto him, afraid that if you let go he would be gone.

"I'm right here baby," he cooed, running his hand over your hair. "I'll always be right here." A promise neither of you knew if he'd be able to keep, but that you both knew he would do everything in his power to try to.

13. Hooking a thumb into your lover's belt loop/pocket as a crowd surrounds you, making sure that you don't lose them in the people.

It was hot and humid and fucking busy. You had been to fairs before, but mostly small, county ones. The Texas State Fair was a whole other ball game.

Large crowds like this weren't something you usually enjoyed. It was made even worse by the hot and humid Texas weather. Your body was covered it was felt like a permanent sheen of sweat. As much as you hated it the smile on Jake's face made it worth it.

Right now he was determined to get to the other side of the giant fairgrounds. Apparently there was some sort of concert with some country artist he liked starting soon and he wanted to get there in time to get more beer and good seats.

Jake was so massive that it was easy for him to push through the crowd. You on the other hand? You were so tiny that people constantly kept pushing between you two and separating you. The most recent time really pissed you off because not only did they spill their beer on your already wet and sticky arm, you nearly lost Jake.

"Next person that shoves into me is getting their ass kicked." You grumbled as you made it back to Jake. You looped your finger into his belt loop. It made you look a bit like a lost puppy, the way you followed a stride behind him, but it worked. And so you kept the habit for the rest of the trip.

By the end of the day Jake's belt loop was a little stretched out from the constant tugging. He didn't mind though. Jake never minded anything you did.

Later that night you were curled up into his side, both of you on your phones.

"Hey babe, look what was posted on the fair's twitter." Jake pushed his phone under your nose. There on the screen was a picture of you holding onto his belt loop, your arm stretched out in front of you. Jake was looking back at you with a love sick grin and you were looking up at him. Just as big of a love sick grin on your own face.

[3amcloudss]

Summary: Amelia was abused by her ex boyfriend, Billy Hargrove, and Steve is there to help her get through it.

Warning: language, abuse, anxiety, talk of alcohol, +18 please minors get tf outta here.

Word Count: 2.1k+

Part Two.

~,~

Steve's pov

I watched her apply her make-up, trying to cover up some of the bruises on her neck, from the doorway.

She had so many bruises and a lot of them were so dark that her make-up couldn't even cover them.

I can't believe that anyone would ever hurt her, like that. She's the most lovable person that I know.

"You don't have to watch my every move, you know."

I shrugged. "I feel better knowing that you're safe when I watch you."

The last several days, I've been watching everything thats she's been doing. Whenever she takes a shower, I'm right outside the door. When she goes to the kitchen, I'm sitting at the table, watching her. When she sleeps, I'm awake watching her. I haven't gotten much sleep in the last few days. I'm afraid that if I fall asleep, something will happen to her.

"I'm okay, Steve. I'll be okay."

"You were saying that even when he was doing that to you."

She sighed as she applied more make-up to her neck.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me to say..." I sighed, myself. "I'm just- I'm just worried about you all of the time, ever since you told me what happened, I can't eat, I can't sleep, hell, I can’t even think straight. I'm always worried about you, I can't even remember the last time that I slept." I was talking so much that I didn't even realize that she moved away from the mirror and was now standing in front of me.

"I'm sorry that I told you, I shouldn't have-“

"No, don't apologize for telling me. I'm glad that you did." I pulled her in to hug her. "He's never going to touch you, again."

"Thank you, Steve." Her words came out as muffles. She pushed away from the hug to return back to the mirror to keep applying more make-up.

Amelia's pov

"Hey."

"Hmmm?"

"Does Luna know what happened to you?"

I shook my head, no. "I didn't tell anyone what happened, you're the only know that knows. I didn't want to risk anyone getting hurt because I know that if I told anyone, he would find out and go after them..."

"But, we could've helped you Amel-"

He was cut off by my phone ringing, when I looked down at the screen, I saw that it read Luna's name.

"Who is it?”

"Luna."

"Perfect timing, tell her what happened."

"Steve, I can't. I can't risk, Billy finding out that I told someone. I can't even imagine what he's gonna do when he finds out that I told you.." My thoughts began to wander. I think he noticed because he quickly came to my side.

"Don't worry about me, I'm not worried about myself. I don't care what he does to me."

I nodded, lightly.

"Go ahead, answer the call and talk to her. If you don't tell her then thats fine. Tell her when you're ready to. Just talk to her, you need it. I'll be in the other room if you need anything okay?"

"Okay.." I said lightly as I grabbed my phone. "Thank you, Steve. For everything you've done for me for the last several days."

He smiled and kissed my forehead before he walked out.

I then clicked the green accept button. "Hey, Luna. What's up?"

"Girl, Tommy and Carol are throwing a huge party tonight. Everyone is going to be here, are you down?"

"I uh, I don't know."

I could hear ruffling on the other end. I wasn't sure what she's was doing.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for my black laced heels, did I leave them over there?"

"Yeah, they're in my room. Where you left them last." I giggled.

"Great, another reason why I can just come over and pick you up to go."

"I'm not really in the partying mood, Lun."

"What, why?"

"I'm just not."

"You haven't really been in the mood to do a lot since you and Billy broke up."

I mean yeah, if you only knew why. Wait what?

"How did you know that we broke up? I didn't tell anyone."

"It's all over twitter, girl."

"What??" I put the phone on speaker and switched over to my twitter. The first thing that I saw was a tweet from Billy.

@Billy_Hargrove1: Fuck that bitch, over fake whores.

@Billy_Hargrove1: don't come crawling back when he dumps your ass

"What the fuck...."

"So, what do you say? Are you down to party?"

I sighed and hesitated before I answered.

"Fine."

I heard her screech through the phone and I giggled at it.

"What are we agreeing with?" Steve came around the corner.

"Luna invited me to Tommy and Carol's party tonight."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

I shrugged my shoulders looking at him through the mirror.

"Don't tell her what to do, Harrington. Let her live her life, you can come too if you want to protect her." We both heard her chuckle on the other end of the phone. "Not that anything would happen anyway."

He looked at me with pure concern on his face.

I grabbed my phone and put it on mute so she couldn't hear what I had to say.

"I can't hide from him forever, Steve. I need to show my face around sometime. Come with me, it'll be fun." I said as I grabbed his hand.

He looked in my eyes then sighed.

"If we see Billy, we can leave. I promise."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I said holding up my pinky, but he swatted it away smiling.

"Okay."

"Okay? Great!" I grabbed my phone off the bathroom sink taking it off mute. "What time will you be here? I got Steve to agree?"

"Yay! I'll be there in like 30 or so minutes. Just finishing up my make up and I'll be leaving. Can you grab my heels and bring them with you? I wanna wear them tonight."

"Yeah, I can. I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay, see you in a bit."

I clicked the red button, to hang up the call, then walked out going to my room to get ready. It didn't take me long to get ready.

~,~

When we arrived to the party, there were so many people there. Luna wasn't lying. Everyone and anybody was there.

Steve ran to the other side of the car, letting me out. When I was out, he grabbed my hand and we intertwined our fingers together. I looked down at our hands and smiled looking back up at him.

"Thank you for coming."

"Anything for you." He said with a smile on his face.

"Harrington, my man!" Tommy greeted us as we walked through the front door. "Haven't seen you in a bit! How's it been?"

"Tommy!" He reached out and grabbed his hand, bumping chests lightly. "Been good! Had some family issues going on, that I had to take care of."

He lied, to protect me.

"Tommy, this is Amelia."

"Yeah, I know her. We have classes together man."

I smiled a little, nodding. "Yeah, we know each other, Steve." I giggled.

"I'll catch ya guys later! Yo Keith, wait up!"

I looked around seeing a bunch of people in each room, people were either drinking from solo cups or cans. Some were even smoking.

"Here," Luna came around, putting a solo cup in my hands. "drink up?"

"What is it?" 

"Just drink you'll feel better."

"I don't think-" 

"Come on, Harrington. Lighten up!" 

I shrugged my shoulders and chugged the drink that was in the cup. It burned my throat when it went down.

"Woah, there. I said to drink, not chug." 

We both laughed. "Well, thats one way to calm down, I guess." 

Billy's pov

"Billy," I heard Calvin say as he came back in the room. "She's here."

"Who is?"

"Amelia," He stood pointing out in the direction where he just saw her. "And she's here with Harrington."

I lit the cigarette, standing up looking for her. 

"She was walking outside, when I saw her. Harrington is still in the kitchen, so she's outside alone."

I completely ignored what he said and walked away from the group. I pushed myself through the group of people in front of the door way.

I walked in the direction in where I knew she would be. 

And I was correct, she was outside on the balcony, by herself. 

"Hi, Amelia." 

Amelia's pov

"Hi, Amelia." 

I dropped the cup that was in my hands, letting it fall on the balcony. The cup broke and the liquid inside of it went all over the wood work. 

I turned around slowly looking at him. 

Stand your ground, Amelia. 

"What do you want Billy?"

"I just want to talk."

"Well, I don't."

I stared to walk away from him, but he grabbed my wrist pulling me back towards him. 

"Let me go, Billy."

He pulled me in close to his chest and laid a kiss on my lips. His mouth pressed against mine so firmly that it hurt. I hit his shoulders, chest, literally anything on him to try to get him off of me, but nothing worked. 

I began crying when he snaked his arms around my back, grabbing a handful of my ass. 

"I missed you baby." He said in the kiss, while squeezing my ass even more. 

I was able to pull away from the kiss for a spilt second, but in that split second I was able to scream.

"Steve!!" 

He pulled away when he heard me call for Steve. "Oh, you're calling for him?" Billy questioned. "Why do you need him, when I'm right here baby."

"Let me the fuck go!" I tried to get out of his grasp once more, but I failed. "Steve, help me!"

"Will you calm the fuck down, I'm not going to hurt you-"

Billy ended up getting his words cut off by being dragged off of me. I watched as Steve pulled Billy away, getting in his face. HIs face was red, his jaw was clenched, he was furious. He snapped. "She said to let her go, can't you hear her?" 

"Go away, Harrington. This doesn't concern you in the slightest." 

Steve chuckled. "I hear my girl calling my name and come to see you groping her and she's crying for you to stop?" Steve questioned. "I think it is my damn business, Hargrove." 

His girl? 

"You better step the fuck down before I put you down." 

Steve didn't back down, if anything he kept edging Billy on.

"Steve, common," I pulled on his arm, pulling him away from him. "he's not worth it. Let's go." 

"Yeah, thats right, Harrington." I could hear Billy's laugh from behind us, as I held on to Steve's arm. "Run away like a little bitch."

Steve suddenly stopped, moving his arm away from me and turned around quickly and threw his fist at Billy's face, which causes Billy to stumble back against the wall behind him on the balcony. 

"Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend." He threw another punch. "You touch her again and I'll kill you, myself!" 

Girlfriend?

Suddenly there was a bunch of people running outside and on to the balcony watching the fight that was going on. 

Billy began fighting back, he stood up on his feet and shoved Steve as hard as he could which caused Steve to fall back. 

"So, the little bitch told you what happened, huh?" Billy then looked at me and started walking towards me, but Steve stood up quickly running in between Billy and I. He shoved Billy away from me. 

"Don't fucking touch her."

"Or what, Harrington? What are you going to -" 

Billy was cut short again, by Luna. She hit him in the head with a glass bottle, causing Billy to fall forward on the floor passing out. 

"Luna!" I screeched.

"Badass." Steve laughed at Luna, high-fiving her. 

"Alright, people." Luna turned around facing everyone. "Shows over! Go!" 

Everyone started scattering back in the house talking amongst themselves. 

When Luna turned around, she walked towards me. "When were you going to tell me, that this psycho was abusive towards you?"

"I'm sorry, Lun. He said that he would hurt me if I told anyone and-" 

"Well, I'm pretty sure that I just knocked him the fuck out, so he ain't gonna hurt me anytime soon." 

I chuckled lightly looking down at Billy who was still passed out on the balcony. 

"We," she gestured to her and I. "don't keep anything from each other, not anymore. Understood?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she pulled me in for a tight hug. "Are you okay?"

I shrugged my shoulders while hugging her. I rested my chin on her shoulder as we hugged.

"Did he hurt you?" Steve questioned. 

I shook my head. "No." 

"I'm so fucking sorry that I left you, alone. I shouldn't of let you wander around alone. This is all my fault, Amelia." Steve said in a quick manner. 

"Hey," I moved away from Luna's hug, and went over to Steve. "this isn't you're fault. None of this is. I was going to run into him someday, I guess today was that day. This won't be the last that I run into him either." 

"But-"

He started to say something, but I cut him off by smashing my lips on his to shut him up. He was hesitant on kissing me back, but after a few seconds he gave in and put his hands on my waists, pulling me closer to him, deepening the kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Two!! How do you guys like the story so far?? If you wanna be tagged, comment & I’ll tag you in the next chapter! 🩷

Tagged: @tpwkstiles @livsters @kaverichauhan @morgthemagpie @zbeez-outlet @harringtons-cupid

[transmonstera]

In regards to your posts about ao3 and how vile it is in actuality, I wanna say thank you. I've not put much thought into the website I've been using but this has put things into perspective. I no longer want my work (work that I am proud of) on a website like that. Ao3 doesn't align with my values and I'm assuming many other people's who use the site.

Do you have any suggestions on a better site everyone can use?

(Side note: I absolutely adore your work!)

sure thing!

while there are no websites quite like ao3 in terms of filtering, curation, bookmarks, likes/comments etc there are a few alternatives out there!

Wattpad - I know people make fun of this one because it's where all the rpf for bands went back in the day but it is still operating and many people use it so you'll likely just switch viewers from ao3 to wattpad pretty seamlessly

Tumblr - you can always post directly on here! there is a character limit i believe of 4k so it's great for showing previews or even cutting up a small fic into parts 1, 2, 3, etc. a little clunky but it's an option if you only write short stuff! (Twitter threads can even be an option for this though again, a lil restrictive and works better for super short works!)

Google Docs + Linktree - if you have a linktree account you can always just link a view only (make sure people can't edit!) google doc of the fic! having the fics on a linktree still give people the ability to see all of your work in one place, and you can even see on linktree the click statistics for each fic! while it doesn't give the reader the ability to like/comment, you can always encourage those who do like it to leave a message on your tumblr!

Discord (or any groupchat tbh!) - similar to above you can always set up a discord server and post your fics view docs links there! it gives a curated experience and you can see the comments of people directly in the server

AO3 has seemingly made people believe that each and everyone one of their fan creations must be thrown out into the void where you hope everyone sees it and loves it. I think this has really stifled people's abilities to truly be creative in terms of making content of their favourite medias (and even with transitioning to making original work!) because you may subconsciously be adhering the current trends and whatnot of everyone else, even if you don't really like it yourself! I mean look at how common modern/high school aus still are today when I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes them. Look at how many books that have been published lately that painfully follow AO3 tag systems, where they don't even havea blurb anymore and instead just have "friends to lovers meet blah blah blah! read it now!". (Not to mention the quality of the books being published is fucking atrocious)

AO3 has ruined publishing and I am being entirely serious about that.

But back to where you wanna go with your fics now. Don't be afraid to restructure how you interact with your hobbies! It doesn't have to be so exposed and vulnerable to anyone and everyone having their say on it. I used to participate massively in fandom and I'll be honest, it made me miserable. I constantly felt like I couldn't keep up, that my ideas were wrong because another idea was more popular, and I really struggled. So I took about a hundred steps back and only interact with the media I like through my friends who also like it! And it's a lot better! You may not get hundreds and thousands of likes on fics from here on out if that's what you're used to, but I guarantee you'll have more meaningful interactions that you actually hold dear to you far more than any "a guest has left a kudos on your work" notification.

(Also just a pre-emptive thing of anyone who wants to defend AO3 on this post because "it's an integral part of fandom!" or "they need that much money because they run a site with no ads!", or you want to try and tell me that the fics on there are fine because it's fiction regardless of what the fics is (including literal fucking CSAM), just know you are completely unserious and I don't value a single thing you say. So don't even try it. How about you donate to a marginalised person's mutual aid for the first time in your life and you'll calm down.)

[nikatyler]

𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟚

Time for a recap of the last twelve months! It's basically my tradition at this point. This year was a weird one. I'm not even gonna get into real life issues. It sure was something and I'm going into 2023 with no energy and zero expectations, lol. But with this mindset, I can only be pleasantly surprised, right? Or...the world will show me that when you think it can't get any worse, it will.

Anyway, simblr stuff! This is the year I started drifting away from tumblr. It makes me sad, but really, it just isn't the same as it was when I joined. The interaction is not what I wish to get so I'm simply moving to places where I feel like I'm actually heard and seen. Idk. I've tried a few times to "be the change I wanna see" but it's hard to change stuff around here. But oh well, to each their own. I'll probably stick around, even if I hang out more somewhere else and what you see are mostly queued posts. And, well, if twitter burns down, which I wouldn't be surprised if it did, you know I'll fully come back here. I love this hellsite. Genuinely. It makes me mad but I love it.

But I still love you guys. TS3 discord and a few other people who are not in that discord, I do seriously love you.

So, what was happening on this blog this year?

𝕛𝕒𝕟𝕦𝕒𝕣𝕪

I was still posting my previous BC! Well, I was finishing it. Vi became a parent and hadn't become a cheating jerk yet. 😅

𝕗𝕖𝕓𝕣𝕦𝕒𝕣𝕪

*this* is Vi's cheating jerk era. I still feel bad about how I resolved the whole thing, it was too rushed. I guess I was focusing more on the gameplay part and the NSB rules and less on whether their actions are logical? Prince shouldn't have come back to him, that's the hill I'll die on :D I know, I know, NSB rules and all, but he shouldn't have.

𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕔𝕙

We're slowly moving onto Bloom's very short generation, as well as gen 3 of my lepacy. It's Ginevra's time to shine, but first, we spent a lot of time with the winners of Axel and August's BC.

𝕒𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕝

Bambi and Candy are born, as well as the BC babies. Loads of baby cuteness in April on this blog. Oh and Ross flourishes in his babysitter era. Well, he's always been a babysitter to his descendants, but I feel like this is where he 100 % accepts it 😂

𝕞𝕒𝕪

Gins' era truly starts now (why do I keep saying era in this recap lmao). I had a lot of fun playing in Twinbrook again and Ginevra and Lori were so great. <3

𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕖

Alongside my lepacy (hi Elias & other gen 4 babies), I started posting the pink gen of NSB and also, my 100 Baby Challenge! I still can't believe I actually did that, and that I completed it in like two months only. Wow. What. I mean, yeah, I hyperfocused on it, but still. How did I do that.

𝕛𝕦𝕝𝕪

Again, gen 3 of lepacy and gen 7 of NSB, not much to say here. As for playing, I mostly just played the baby challenge. Oh! And Maeve's BC, of course.

Ohh, and July was the month when I decided to dive into the wonderful sims community on twitter. Probably one of my best decisions this year as I made many great friends there...🥰🥰

𝕒𝕦𝕘𝕦𝕤𝕥

Gen 3 ends and Sawyer is ready to take over Bridgeport but he has to wait for a bit. Pastel enters the blog and her bonding with Ross is seriously one of my most favourite things. I didn't think of this at first when I was playing, it only came to me later when I was posting the generation, but he definitely grew fond of her because she reminds him of Sunset so much ;-;

𝕤𝕖𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣

Good news: Bambi and Atsuko get married. Bad news: Ross and Caleb break up. *sigh* There's so much to unpack with their breakup storyline. Yes it makes sense that they'd hit a few bumps on the road, yes it makes sense that some of them would be bad, but...deep down, the breakup only happened because of my insecurities and lowkey being afraid of using a townie in my stories. At least I kinda got over that this fall (thank you twitter moots).

More good news: I'm finally posting the BC!!

𝕠𝕔𝕥𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣

I finished posting the 100BC and...yeah this was Maeve's month. October was also very vampiric, but I'll probably mention that in a separate recap (if I do a separate recap haha), as this one only focuses on my regular daily content (legacies and such)

𝕟𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣

In November, we saw the funniest twist to ever happen in my BCs. Sorry River :D Aaand we also have the winner of Maeve's BC! I can't wait for you all to see them again in the legacy. Next year, hopefully.

𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣

Sawyer's time to shine has come. Well, not really, his siblings are constantly stealing it. Don't be surprised if he one day, you know, steals their organs and sells them.

Oh, and it's also TS3!Ross's time to shine. Because of course it is. I knew I needed to use his TS3 self somewhere, and all things considered, this felt like a perfect time for that.

December was also the month I started posting videos on youtube. I'm sorry if I'm annoying about that, but I just enjoy it so much. Never thought I'd say that. So, if you haven't yet, feel free to check it out (and subscribe maybe? 🥺). I'm hoping to do some fun stuff next year.

What's in store for 2023? I'll probably talk about that later, but to put it simply, I think this blog will be stuck with NSB and lepacy.

Thanks for sticking around with my grumpy self. Here's to a better 2023.

Happy new year, everyone!

[jeesukie]

From #Chiperweek in twitter (X)

Day 2 kiss

Inside the private room of a young spy named Sentinel, a skilled sniper from France. Who was now sitting on the bed enjoying a kiss from the girl he had been flirting with since he first came in. Two arms wrapped around her thin waist. of her before tightening her embrace and letting the other person sit on top of him closer than before. Chambers broke the kiss and snuggled closer into the crook of his neck. Until the girl began to feel ticklish.

“Calm down Mr. Fabron.”

“How can I calm down?” He raised his head and looked into the eyes of the person in front of him. When in a dark place with dim light From the beginning, he felt that Viper was already beautiful in his eyes. Looks even more charming

“I don't think I'll see you wearing this again…”

Viper felt the man visually lick him. if it was before She would give that handsome face a vicious palm.

“Are you afraid?” Viper asked softly. before smoothing his thick hair

“Yes, I'm afraid I won't be with you anymore.”

Chambers responded directly. The image of Viper falling to the ground before his eyes was still etched into his mind. At that moment, he almost dropped everything and immediately ran towards her. He didn't know when he had abandoned his mission and agreement from another world. But the most important thing for him was to be this beautiful scientist.

Luckily, Sage's teammates were able to bring her back to him.

Viper didn't answer. She just hugged the other person to her chest. so that the room could hear her heartbeat A room that feels like this makes the other person feel more like they belong than before. He tightened his embrace as if he didn't want her to escape. and burying his face in the other's chest The woman hugged Chambers loosely while stroking the other's hair for comfort.

"I am sorry" Deep down in Viper’s heart, she too was afraid to die. It's not because she hasn't achieved her goals yet. But because she already had another goal added. It was the goal that was the reason she wanted to continue living the most.

“Let's get some sleep.”

“Do you want to sleep now?” Chamber looked at her pleadingly. Viper knew what that meant. She bent down to kiss him again.

“We worked hard today. By the way, I'm going to ask Brimstone to make tomorrow your day off with me.” Viper slowly descended from him and lay beside him instead. Frenchman silently pondered for a moment before asking.

“So, shall we go on a date tomorrow?”

“Sure, I understand you are devastated.” Female scientist teases him. Chambers covers her and himself with a blanket before kissing her. “Yes, I am. So you have to comfort me a lot.”

Viper smiled slightly. Two arms reached out and grabbed the Sentinel to lay down with her. Chamber agreed and he rested his head on her chest to listen to her heartbeat again.

The girl's hand gently caressed the young man's head. Chamber doesn't want this moment to ever go away.

“Je t'aime, Viper” he whispered

“I know.”

“Even if you know, I'll still tell you every day.” He raised his head to look at her again.

“So you have to live and listen to me say it every day. Chéri”

[deadbeatbirdmom]

As far as I know a transcript of this hasn't been added yet, so here it is under a read more cut, taken from the twitter thread by SAlle1304:

Okay.

Okay.

My brain is mush, I'm still crying, and my hands are shaking like crazy, but I want to do a whole analysis of this moment because there is so SO much more to it than just them confessing.

It's the accumulation of all of their fears, all of their doubts, seen as good traits in each other's eyes, as something beautiful.

It's them, telling each other all the stuff they've always been afraid of saying.

The first piece that appears comes when Blake says "I'll feel a lot better when we're together on that platform."

I want you guys to look at her choice of words. She could have easily said that she would feel better when they're back to safety. It would have been easier, really.

But that wasn't the point. The emphasis was on "together". Because if she made it there alone, nothing would have changed for her. She would have felt just as uneasy. Same in a case where only Yang would have made it too.

Now you could argue that Blake meant she would feel safer when they're both alright, but that wouldn't really be anything new, would it? It wouldn't be something they never told each other, they both already know they care about each other's well being, they are partners after all.

That wasn't the implication behind Blake's words. The implication was that for her, being with Yang is safety. That's what being safe for her means, and that confession is what gave her the next step.

Moving towards Yang's side, the moment she realizes she can't figure out what the trick is, she just smiles, not even the slightest bit afraid as she says, "I'm sure you'll figure it out, though. You're good at that."

Because for Yang, Blake is also safety. She always got them out of bad situations when she could.

But Blake's response is a bit more sad for me. It's short, it's simple, it's just, "You think so?"

But it really is a way to show that deep down, she still has some self-doubt left. She still has some scars that didn't heal.

But Yang is an honest dumbass, her answer came easier than anything. "Well...yeah. You've got a really good...brain."

And that compliment is so very Yang, it's the same way she complimented Blake's bow back at Beacon, and then her hair in V7C3. It's simple, it's short, it's awkward, but it's honest. The simplicity of the answer is what makes it hold so much weight in the end to give Yang another step too. Because her honesty is flowing through.

And then the small stuff comes. And by that I don't mean insignificant stuff. I mean little things. Simpler things, but which Yang never really got to say.

It starts of course with her just saying, "You have cat ears." which isn't really anything, just an observation because she thinks it might help.

But before I get into the way she expands that into a compliment, I want to point out Blake's reaction.

She just...smiles softly. Her ear flickers before she looks fondly at Yang. She isn't self-conscious about them like she used to be, she doesn't take the observation as anything weird or bad to say because again, this is Yang.

Yang is always an honest dumbass, Blake knows she means only good in what she says.

And...well she did. Because in the softest voice she continues with, "I think your cat ears are cute."

Which works, it gives her another step forward.

When you think about it, it's such a simple thing to say, but sometimes the simplest things can be the most heartfelt.

And all of that leads to Blake figuring out the fact that the trick is saying things they never said to each other before.

So Yang takes the opportunity to urge Blake into saying something, all while having that awkward smirk, almost as if she's daring Blake to stroke her ego.

Because at that point, Yang didn't think much of it, she thought they were going to say simple things like she pointed Blake's ears.

But no. Blake digs towards the deeper things.

"I...think you're an extraordinary person."

And as soon as those words reach Yang, her smirk instantly drops. Because obviously she didn't expect it. But Blake just continues.

"You're...always the first to lighten a situation."

And sure, Blake could refer to Yang always making jokes in dire situations, but I think there is more to it than that.

I want you guys to think back on all the moments Blake felt down. Heavy or uneasy.

In those moments Yang always did something to lift her spirits up. She always brought light when Blake could see only darkness.

"You act bravely when you're afraid."

THIS PART RIGHT HERE.

THIS PART.

Yang literally NEVER showed fear while she was fighting. Never purposefully. It was there, but she always tried to hide it.

Blake and Yang vs Adam was a great testimony to that. Yang got hit, her hand started shaking, she was obviously scared out of her mind, but her instinctual reaction was to step forward and glare at Adam.

She's the embodiment of strength, but to be the powerful pillar for everyone, to be everyone's protector, that, more than anything require a lot of bravery. And Blake sees that.

"You do what you say."

This, again, can feel like such a simple thing to say, but it isn't. Far from it actually.

It's always easy to claim you will do something. To brag about what you can accomplish and then end up not living up to what you said. Words hold no weight when your actions prove them wrong.

Adam was a great example for this, which is what led to Blake valuing honesty so much.

He brought her by his side promising her peace and equality between the humans and the faunus, but he never wanted that. He wanted the faunus to rule over humans, while Blake never wanted that. He lured her in through empty words and promises.

But Yang is different. Yang always followed through with what she said. She never strayed from the path that her own words carved. And that, for Blake, after everything she's been through with Adam, means more than Yang could begin to realize.

So those 3 compliments gave Blake 3 more steps. And it breaks my heart and puts it back together whole to see how easy it was for her to say all that. Because yes, they were words that she never got to tell Yang before, whether because she didn't think they would hold much weight coming from her, or because the timing was never right, but now she finally said them.

And it was so easy to do so. You can tell letting it all out made her heart feel lighter too, by her immediately falling into a banter and teasing Yang, telling her, "Try to keep up."

With her own teasing smirk this time.

And Yang does.

"I like that you've never been intimidated by me. Even when you didn't like me all that much."

This is so SO important. This, from my perspective at least, isn't about Yang being intimidating as a person, because she's never had any issues with that, she was always a little bit cocky when it came to her intimidating aura.

This is Yang being fully aware that her and Adam have some aspects in common.

It all started of course when Yang got framed during the Vytal Festival, and Blake brought up Adam having the same pattern of behavior.

But at that point Blake and Yang have already been partners for a while, so Yang telling her the truth as she looked into her eyes was more than enough for Blake to trust her.

And then there is their semblances also being somewhat similar.

Yang is distinctly aware she had some aspects that, back then, when Blake was still haunted by Adam and her past, should have reminded.

But Blake never showed any signs of being intimidated by Yang, she even purposefully chose her as her partner.

Blake saw the honesty in her heart and that, more than anything, is something that Yang truly appreciates about her.

"I was...a little wary of people in general."

"But you never gave up on them, even when they hurt you."

There is this sad truth that part of Blake, for the longest time and arguably even until his bitter end, still believed that there was good inside Adam, and that maybe, just maybe he could turn a new leaf.

Blake always sees the good in people, no matter how much she ends up getting hurt by them. And I feel like that's one of the things that initially made Yang fall in love with her in the first place.

"You never give up. You know what matters to you."

This just felt like a punch in the gut, but in the best way possible.

Blake, for the longest time, saw herself as a coward who always ran away from her problems. But Yang saw past that. Yang saw her bravery, her determination, and her unwavering spirit. She saw the beauty of her battered heart.

And of course, all of that gives Yang 3 more steps forward too. It was all stuff she probably wanted to tell Blake, especially when she saw her doubting herself, but she never got the chance to until now.

And now... Oh boy.

Now comes the big part.

And I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how they did it, but even after 10 years of waiting for this scene, even after 10 years of playing hundreds of scenarios in my head about how it could happen, it somehow ended up being even better than I could have imagined.

And the cause of that was one very specific thing.

The fact that they both already knew about each other's feelings.

I know it may seem like a trivial thing at first, but it's far from it. It's what made the whole confession scene hold that much more weight.

You can see realization hit Yang the moment Blake first raises an eyebrow, almost as if in a "We both know what it is" way, and blushes. There is no surprise to it, on neither of their sides.

They both were already long aware of the feelings they held for each other, but... it was never the right moment.

Either because the world was quite literally steps away from ending or... well... you can just look at Worthy, the song played during the scene.

The song overall is a happy one, it IS a BMBLB part 2 after all, but there is that first line.

"Now I know I'm worthy of you."

I think this is a song from Blake's pov.

For the longest time she punished herself for her mistakes, for the way how, from her perspective, just being near the people she loved brought them pain and suffering.

She grew to think that she wasn't worthy to be loved.

So Blake, while she was aware of her own feelings for Yang, and even of Yang's feelings for her, she kept them hidden because she felt like she wasn't worthy to be loved by her.

But that's not the case anymore. She knows she deserves love now.

And Yang? Well, Yang has also been aware of her own feelings for Blake, and most likely of Blake's feelings for her too, but she...well she's afraid, as we can see from the split second she hesitates and their bridges grow further apart.

Because it's scary. No, it's terrifying. After spending your whole life only giving love and affection to others, always taking care of others and focusing on their own needs before your own, to let yourself be vulnerable and finally be loved by someone in return isn't an easy thing to do.

At first she even tries to deflect from it by saying, "That can't be what this is about."

But Blake is just smiling reassuringly at her, urging her to be brave this one time too, like she's always been.

"It's like...a cliff. And if I do it I'm just going to...fall."

And it's terrifying to fall into such an unknown.

But not as long as you have someone to catch you. Because, just like Blake says, "I think we're already falling."

They both know it's too late to go back from this. And that, after everything they've been through, they at least deserve this one good thing.

So Blake once again urges her.

"Just... say it, Yang."

Because she knew she herself was ready to take the next step. She already said everything she wanted to say, now it was Yang's turn.

So Yang takes a big breath, finds the courage which Blake always saw in her, and doesn't let that fear of being vulnerable control her anymore. So she says it.

"I think I love you."

And Blake barely even lets her finish, the words were already on the tip of her tongue.

"I love you too."

Finally, finally uniting the bridge between and bringing them together, as white lilies bloom all around them the moment they get brought together and they finally, FINALLY kiss.

And I want to put emphasis on the meaning of white lilies (rebirth and purity, y'all can thank @Kaosi1 for this). This is a pure moment where both of them begin a new path in life, braving whatever the world throws at them now, together.

And to hell with it, this is already really long so what's a few more tweets? I want to talk about the colors too.

The way if you look at it, it literally resembles Yin Yang. Yang's yellow has purple spots, and Blake's purple has yellow spots, it's the way they've always been that embodiment, and the moment we get to see it here too.

Back in what I'm pretty sure it was the V2 commentary, when they talked about Burning the Candle, Monty mentioned that he really loved what they did with the lighting, the whole light side/dark side, and that he hoped they would get an opportunity to do a scene like that again.

Considering that V9 was planned between V1 and V2, and that 3 days after Burning the Candle he tweeted "All good romance is earned.", part of me hopes that maybe, just maybe, that thought is what led to the kiss scene having those colors.

I'm not like some certain people, I don't want to put words in the mouth of the dead, so don't take this as any confirmation, this is just me hoping.

And with this, we finally reach the end of the thread. Thank you to everyone who sat and read through all of this, I knew I had a lot to say about it, but I didn't expect a 50 tweets thread (sob emoji).

All in all, even after 10 years, it exceeded all my expectations.

Thank you CRWBY (emojis: face holding back tears, praying hands, purple heart, yellow heart).

Note from transcriber:

Fortunately typing out the text in the first pic into a Google search was enough to track the thread down without needing to read all the way back in SAlle1304's twitter, meaning most of this is copy pasted tweet by tweet rather than torturing my eyes with manually transcribing from dark mode screenshots.

The only things I've done are: adding back in the paragraph breaks, editing out the continuing arrows between tweets, the meaning of white lilies from a relevant pic in the thread, transcribing emojis, and putting in some punctuation at the end of a few sentences because that might help screen readers.

V9E6 analysis of our favorite scene / credit to @SAlle1304 on twitter <3 

[marshmallowgoop]

Hi, Goop! I just came across your Wolf Children post about Yuki's development throughout Wolf Children. Her personality change rubbed me the wrong way too, especially when you consider there was an easy solution. If none of Yuki’s classmates shared her interests, why didn’t she try to make friends with other kids who did? She couldn’t have been the only girl in her school to like snakes and bones. If she was, then couldn’t she just hang out with the boys instead? That's what I did in school

[In reference to this post.]

Hi!

Yeah. I’m coming at it from a western perspective, and that’s all I can really speak to, but it just strikes me as an enforcement of strict gender roles. Yuki’s tomboyishness is almost presented as something childish that she has to “grow out of” in order to become a mature woman, and it... rubs me the wrong way.

[Image description: An anonymous ask message that reads, “Hey! I just found this blog after I finished kill la kill on netflix. 6 years late to the party, I know. I have a quick question, apologies if it's been answered before. Is there any reason/significance behind Ryuko carrying a guitar case? And why do they call it a guitar case, it looks like a regular box? Does Ryuko actually play guitar?” End image description.]

6 years late to answering this message....

Unfortunately, I can’t think of any statements or design notes concerning Ryuko’s guitar case. I like to headcanon that Ryuko plays guitar, and that’s where the case came from, but I don’t believe there’s anything in canon/canon materials to back that up.

That said, there’s an interesting piece of concept art for what I think is the case in The Art of KLK Vol 2, which depicts a dog and puppies inside?

[Image description: Part of a page from The Art of KLK Vol 2, image courtesy of h0saki. At the top, there’s a sketch of the outside of Ryuko’s guitar case. Below, there’s a sketch of the inside of the case, which holds her Scissor Blade among other hard-to-define items. At the bottom, there’s a sketch of a box with a dog nursing four puppies inside. The page also includes sticker designs for the stickers that Ryuko places on the case (a “JK” sticker where the “J” resembles a sock and what looks to be a triangle-shaped badge of some sort), as well as a sketch of Ryuko’s red glove. End image description.]

I’m not quite sure what’s up with that! But it’s sadly all I got on the subject.

[Image description: An anonymous ask message that reads, “so I've been curating a Ryuketsu playlist on Spotify... and I feel you should know that a song by Ruben Studdard called "Wear Me" is a thing that exists and it's perfect. the lyrics and everything just... yes.” End image description.]

I actually wrote a thing that talked about this song (and other similar songs) a few years back!

To quote:

So I admit this isn’t something I ever really thought about before falling in love with Kill la Kill, but the concept of “wearing” someone being utilized in a romantic or sexual fashion is actually… not that unfounded.

SNSD’s song “Back Hug” takes a sugary-sweet approach to the idea. Like clothes, the singer expresses that a certain someone is comfortable to be around and that she wants to “wear” them and be with them all the time. Ruben Studdard takes a flirtier, more sensual angle in his song “Wear Me,” with a chorus that includes “Girl take me home and/Take it off just to put me on” and verses about, well, being clothes pressed up against a woman’s body. Boom! Bap! Pow!’s “Suit” takes a creepier view, repeating the lines “You’re so cute I wanna wear you like a suit/I think you’d look pretty good on me,” with additional lines of “you got the stuff to get me hot” and “I want to drape you across my shoulders/want you close to the bone.”

[Image descriptions: Three anonymous ask messages. The first reads, “I hope you're doing well, goop! miss you!” The second reads, “Hi Goop! Do you still write and analyze stuff yourself? I check in every other day too see if you posted something new because I always loved reading your posts. ☺️ No pressure though, I'm just wondering! Greetings to you and have a nice day! ❤️” The third reads, “You haven't posted in awhile (on Twitter or here), you okay?” End image descriptions.]

I’m trying to get okay-er. Thank you for checking in, and for being so interested in my stuff, second anon! I’m really touched! 😭

To tell the truth, I kind of gave up on writing in 2020. I don’t think I’ve written a real analysis in about a year.

I’m dipping my toes back into it. I have some planned stuff—if nothing else, I’ve saved a load of screenshots and even edited a video that I intend to pair with an analysis. But it’s been so long that I’ll probably be rusty! 😅

We’ll see what the future holds. But regardless of what happens, thank you for your messages <3

[Image description: An ask message from @lucyoftheabyss48 that reads, “You should watch Deca-dence! Honestly I think it goes right where BNA went wrong. I think you might enjoy it a lot!” End image description.]

I’ll add it to my list of things to check out! Thank you for the rec!

[Image description: An anonymous ask message that reads, “Do you find it lot a Little odd that Yoh Yoshinari didn't a Post BNA Finale interview or AMA?” End image description.]

I haven’t really kept up with BNA content since I finished watching the show, but with everything that happened in 2020 (and is still happening in 2021), I sadly think it’s understandable if there haven’t been many interviews about the series.

[liquidstar]

I read Oshi no Ko independently of you but I'm SO glad you're posting about it because it makes me like. uniquely insane. Like where else are you going to find this mashup of tropes lmao?!???? It doesn't feel like it should work but it kind of does?????? Even if I don't love some of the intentionally offputting stuff re: that last ask I still like. get where it's coming from as a story and Ruby's focus now is SUCH a good semi-twist since we finally resolved Aqua's issues a little

That being said I do think Oshi no Ko works better as a character exploration more than anything else and my favorite part of the romance (which I don't really like past how it shows their characters) is how Akane is literally like "yeah I'll kill your dad with you" like that's SO funny this girl is just like "yeah I've thought about it and that totally makes sense. Sure let's do it." What a good character dfjkljklhfjkldfh

I AGREE COMPLETELEY akane is so fucking funny shes literally down for whatever. like "yeah okay murder is fine i dont even care anymore after getting twitter canceled." but like genuinely though her arc when she was dealing with suicidality after internet harassment was so like. i felt so bad for her. im glad she stayed a character after it got resolved. similarly i wish melt stayed around for longer too bc his backstory abt how he was taken advantage of by an older girl was so fucked up to spring up out of no where and not come back to to explore more? i hope they dont just forget about him... genuinely as a character exploration oshi no ko is really good but it also has so many characters that sometimes they get pushed to the side.

but i also like that its not afraid to get silly and goofy like its still really funny when it wants to be. and again the way it explores topics about the entertainment industry is like. kind of fun? among all the dark non-fun stuff thats genuinely a part of the series i think is really fucking fun lol. and thats how you get shit like this

[jointimeandspace]

This story was based on such a beautiful drawing by JvdB_art on Twitter. Source at the end.

You Have Me Forever

Three weeks was how long it had been since you went into a coma. Three quiet, painful weeks. Alcina missed your laughter, your feet pattering on the carpet, and the way you'd scream with joy when you were playing with her girls. The only sounds coming from the castle was the rain hitting the window panes; the large stacks of firewood crackling in the hearth. Alcina felt guilty, something that hasn't happened to her in a long time.

She sat at the large bay window that was in her room looking out at the village below. She hadn't eaten. Her pale skin was more cracked than it had usually been and a constant flow of tears wouldn't stop running from her eyes. "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" she said to herself. She looked over to you on her bed. No sign of movement from you yet. She leaned back on the wall with an exasperated sigh. She'd give anything for you to wake up. With Alcina's large size, it usually came with a few problems. One night, when you and her were making love, she drank from you. "Not a terrible way to go out," you always thought, and you had already done it many times before. However, Alcina took a bit much than she normally had and you passed out. She expected you to wake up after a couple of hours of night's sleep; when you didn't come down for breakfast or lunch that next day, panic set in. Nothing would stir you so she sent for Mother Miranda. She was relieved when Miranda said you were still alive, but she didn't know how long it would be until you woke up. Upon her inspection and running tests, she found out you had diabetes. During your activities, you sugar became low. You hadn't told Alcina, which was a foolish gesture on your part; you had been showing signs of low sugar but chose to ignore them.

Alcina stared into the fire as her memories went back to those first 3 days prior to the incident. Everytime she tried to forget, the memory came back stronger and more vivid than ever.

"Did you know about this Alcina? It's not like you to be so careless with your...pets."

"No, most reverent Mother. I didn't! Why she didn't tell me I don't know."

Alcina at the time did not know (and after all, how could she), that while in your coma, you un(f)ortunately could still here everything. You wanted to spring from the bed and protect your mistress, but you were helpless.

"Hmm!"

Mother Miranda turned back to you and walked toward your side of the bed. You couldn't see, but you could hear the condescending tone in her voice, and only imagined that a mix of malice and amusement ran across her face. She had Alcina under her thumb. Miranda knew all the right and wrong ways to push her buttons, and Alcina knew this, especially when it came to people she loved.

"Oh, Alcina! I'm so disappointed! You should've know what disease ailed her when you drank from her for the first time. Or have your senses started to fail you? Maybe I need to run a few more tests on you; get you back to tip-top shape. I can't let my favorite child falter, now can I? You'll let me know if her condition worsens."

Alcina took in a shuddering breath, trying to compose herself. She dared herself to not look weak in front of Miranda.

"Of course, Mother. Thank you!"

With that, Miranda shut the door and you two were alone again. She waited until the front door closed, and then she fell to her knees and wept. To hear her crying and not being able to move to comfort her was terrifying and heartbreaking. You were determined to make it through no matter what.

"Mama?"

Alcina came out of her daydream when Daniela appeared with a bottle of Sanguine Virginis in hand.

"Mama? Please eat! You don't want to get sick....you'll start turning."

Alcina looked back out the window. With a flick of her wrist, she signaled Daniela to set the bottle down. Daniela, always the intuitive one, went to sit beside her.

"Mama, it's not your fault. Certain ailments are hard to pick up sometimes. You'd have to have the same type of blood over and over again for at least a few years before you figure out which ailment is which. We've had so many types that even I can't differentiate plain from diseased. Staleness, though... we can always tell for sure," she chuckled. "Don't beat yourself up."

Alcina brought her hand to Daniela's cheek. Her baby was always there to comfort her whenever she needed. No wonder she took an interest in you. You always reminded her so much of Daniela.

"Thank you, darling! Go be with your sisters. I think they're looking for you."

Daniela nodded as she gave her mama a kiss and then disappeared in a smattering of flies. Alcina got up and moved to the bed so she could be near to you; she distanced herself for too long.

You looked liked Sleeping Beauty to her, waiting to be kissed. She got down on her knees to have a better look at you and took your hand.

"Oh, draga mea, why didn't you tell me? I would've been so careful."

You felt her kiss your hand- that was new! You couldn't feel any touch for awhile. Now, it felt like your entire body loosening up as if you were being thawed out. You slowly moved your toes and could feel the sheets hitting them. Your body was waking up. You were about to try to speak, but Alcina's voice rang out once more.

"Please, draga! Come back to me. I'll never be so careless again. Mother is right! I should've known, as long as I've been drinking blood. I always push, and push others until I break them. I told myself I'd be careful with you, and now here I am, praying for you to wake." Alcina sobbed, "I love you so much and don't want to lose you!"

She laid her head down on your arm as you felt the tears run down your fingers. Before you knew it, you opened your eyes and looked around the room. It was dark except for the fireplace. You rotated your head a bit and lifted your right arm. You felt stiff and tired, but you were determined to touch her- to comfort her. You looked down at Alcina, whispering silent prayers in your hand. To see her so soft, so vulnerable, and scared, was enough to shatter your soul. You reached over and ran your fingers through her hair. She stopped and looked at you, the light returning to her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere! You have me forever. And I promise, none of this was your fault. I should have told you, but I didn't want to burden you with my issues. They've always been manageable, but I guess I should've listened to my body before we started that night. I neglected to take care of myself. Plus, I didn't tell you because I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore; that I wasn't clean enough..."

Alcina silenced you with a deep kiss. How you missed her touch, her eyes, the pleasure that you two shared together. She kissed your face, your neck, hands and fingers. She was so happy to have her darling back. She brought your hand up to her face once more, kissing it and breathing in your sent. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said.

"Thank you for coming back to me. You too, shall always have me forever. And never, will I ever, not want you. You'll always be divine to me. My most precious little one."

[ztarvokwrites]

ripping off a bandaid.

it's been 3 months since i last properly posted. i have an unifinished starmeppo fic that has given me immense writer's block despite me really wanting to finish it. i'm focussing on saving up for a razer laptop and to top it all off, my danganronpa phase has returned tenfold and the franchise has me in a chokehold.

that being said, i need something to post. so, i'll be finishing a paragraph of the starmeppo fic and posting it unfinished, since - as much as i do want to finish it - it is far too many words already and far too detailed, not to mention i don't like how i wrote it.

if you want to request something, i'm afraid you're going to have to wait a few months more. my passion for writing one piece has deteriorated slightly which is sad because i still love it to death, but i just can't find the inspiration to continue writing it for now.

so what does this mean? am i going to stop writing one piece entirely? honestly... i can't say. we're just gonna have to wait and see if i return.

"return?" i hear you say. "what do you mean?"

well... i'm taking another hiatus. mainly from this specific account. as i said, my passion for writing for one piece has deteriorated and i'm not sure when or even if i will get it back. i simply do not have the inspiration.

so yeah, i'm taking a hiatus. not sure how long for, but i'll be taking it. even thinking about finishing what i have in my drafts gives me a bit of a headache, if i'm being honest.

if you still want to read my writing, i have a danganronpa blog (that i haven't posted on in a month but we don't talk about that-): @ztarvokronpa

my art acc; @ztars-arts (currently inactive, i'm also going through art block)

and if you wanna keep in contact with me, my twitter is @/ztarvok

uh yeah, i'll see you when i see you ☺️ 💜

[lesbian-in-leather]

8, 14, 15, 18!!

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

I actually already answered this one!! It's over here ^.^

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Whenever the vibe strikes me. Honestly, it's completely and utterly at random - sometimes I'll name something when I'm like two sentences into it, sometimes it's not until I'm filling out the lil boxes on ao3 that I'm like 'oh shit it needs a real title better think of something'

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Summaries. Absolutely summaries I hate them so much - how do people write good summaries?? I always end up sounding like a bad YA tagline like "Character A has done this thing! Character B arrives to see what's going on. What will Character C do when they find out?" like oh my god somebody stop me. Tags are bad enough and I am always afraid that somehow I've done them wrong (something that is both normal to fear and possible to achieve) but summaries are the bane of my existence and they want me to die

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Oh yes absolutely! There's definitely way more of these in my unpublished multichapters (the Villainous Violet AU had so many ways I almost took it before I settled on how I actually want it to go. And don't even get me started on the unpublished and unwritten Post Series VFD one I periodically think about - pretty sure I wrote a whole book post about that one a while back) (I found the post here it is. I need y'all to know I've added more to the concept in my head but I think that post is long enough to get the point across) but just focusing on the fics I've actually posted, there's less - but mainly because I've only posted one shots. The biggest one I can think of (that I've actually posted) is from one of my wwdits october prompts from last year - the one that became Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here!

The prompt was 'Status Update' and while the final version took that to be 'an update on where all of the characters currently are in this newly post-season three world', my original idea was ENTIRELY fuckin different. The plan was that, as a new familiar, Guillermo had a twitter account and was out-of-context tweeting a bunch of random shit that happened to him, and now, ten years later, the vampires found the account and he had to try and talk his way out of the rather unflattering picture he'd painted of them. I even made a bunch of fake tweets and everything for it, but in the end it just wasn't working for me (probably to do with what I was saying yesterday about being incapable of writing anything that isn't sad) and so I scrapped it and wrote the actual fic. Which I am very happy with, so I guess it worked out! But I do now just have a bunch of fake Guillermo tweets sitting in my files that have never seen the light of day lmao

(Here is the writing asks list)

[ihatebnha]

lol i don’t know if this is too personal or something, and you totally don’t have to answer if you’re uncomfortable or anything! but i need tips with masturbating??

basically, how do you make it feel like really really good for yourself? do u use ur fingers?

again u don’t have to answer!!

OKAY, totally not too personal because what better place to talk about something like this than a space like here? Honestly, I'm sorta flattered you even asked me in the first place because I know how personal (and frustrating) it can be to have questions like this and no answers.

As with everything though, masturbating is very much a different experience for everyone and NOTHING is wrong with you just because you don't feel like it's as easy as it may seem for others! Everyone obviously has different responses to bodily functions and that's 100% okay (even if that response is nothing)... so I want to make it known that this is just my history/some things that I do to help ME with yerking, so if they don't work for you, it's not your fault (and if anyone wants to weigh in, feel free)!!!

(warning: vagina, penetration, toys, SEX-ED-ish talk ahead!)

I am pretty much a clitoral stimulation person when it comes to masturbating. I have/do/can use my fingers and I have/do/can put (very thin) things inside me, but ever since getting a vibrator (3-4 years ago, at this point), I almost exclusively use that to get myself off and very rarely include penetration (though it does happen).

I would say... it's honestly somewhat of a learning process figuring out, like. WHAT feels the best for you + HOW you actually feel comfortable doing it. Certain positions are definitely more comfortable than others (like for example. I literally cannot. CAN'T. jerk off in the bath or shower, however, I can when I'm sitting at my desk or laying on my back in bed even though I know people who it's the opposite for), and certain toys can feel differently, too. Some can be too strong, not strong enough, or even... idk the word... cause different experiences when orgasming.

(Like with only vibrations or my fingers, I'll keep the damn things on me until they die. With sunctiony-action, I tap out after 2-3 orgasms)

It's all about experimenting to find what those things are for you, and similarly, like... figuring out what actually arouses you.

For me, I really like petting (meaning: I get turned on from my skin being rubbed)... so if I pet myself with enough intention, I can turn myself on. Or if I decide what I'm in the mood for and then look at my favorite porn-y websites (whether they're twitter accounts, videos, pictures, actual sites, etc.)... I can put myself in the mood that way, too.

One thing I learned about kinda recently is that everyone has a different arousal time. This was mostly in regard to penetration because it has to do with the swelling of your G-spot, but I think the sentiment still stands that it might take you 10-20-30+ minutes to get yourself warmed up enough for things to actually feel good. Maybe this means... rubbing your body (nips and crotch especially), looking at different materials, any kind of foreplay, etc... but, I think some people don't give themselves enough time before going at it to actually make sure their body is ready before trying to reach clitoral/penetration pleasure.

SO I guess what I'm trying to say it, don't be afraid to explore!!! Research different toys and try different positions! bed, bath, shower, desk, floor, on your stomach, knees up + etc. + MORE!!!!! Touch your body the way a lover would touch you even if it's nonsexually!!!!!!!!! And give yourself time, too... it's taken me like [redacted] years to finally, FINALLY get the hang of things and make myself feel good in ways I understand.

BUT AHHHH! I really hope this helps ( and is readable, too) and I hope you keep me updated on your journey!!! You're not alone and you're not broken (no matter what happens) and I'm rooting for both you and your (insert genital here). You'll figure it out eventually <333

-

(And I probably shouldn't be telling you this because I've heard it's somewhat bad for you (someone please confirm or deny this)? But... try masturbating when you have to pee. [Something I don't really understand, blah blah blah] in AFAB anatomy specifically... a full bladder can push on the G-spot (I THINK) and that can be/feel really stimulating.

At least, it was something that really helped me get the hang of things when I was in my early teens and thought I'd literally never be able to get horny LOOOOL. But then it worked itself out (even if I do get slightly horny now when I have to pee really bad. but SHHHH don't tell me that it's bad lalalalala)!

Though you didn't hear that from me.)

-

AND just for fun, here's every single vibrator I've ever used. I can go into more detail about each one, but (links to sex toys so PLEASE be alone)...

this - it's on sale, buy one and have your shit rocked. I'm lowkey scared of it

this - not worth the price imo. i used it for 30 minutes straight once (which the instructions say NOT to do), and tho my orgasms kinda sucked, it literally made one of my labia bleed and despite the short usage time, my clit felt as though it had been longer. it's weird but i wouldn't say i hate it actually. i think i just need to like. spread my legs a bit LOL

this - ADORED and i bought like three of them but each of them ended up dying very quick so im planning on trying another version of it i saw at Spencer's asjflkaskd. it's like... the strongest thing I've ever owned and i think it kinda ruined me because it was also the FIRST thing i ever owned. battery life was phenomenal (until they crapped out), it lasted like 3+ hours

this - not worth the price but very discreet. i think i put it up me once and then it immediately shot out when i turned it on because i wasn't ready for the strength LOOOL

this GREAT for the price, had for over six months and still no issues, i don't use it for g-spot stimulation bc my hole is SMALL but. i'd love to, tbh. worth every penny considering the strength isn't horrible and it's affordable as fuck for a vibrator.

AND this - i got it for free and it actually vibrates super nicely but is a fucking pain in my ass since it's battery operated (this one says it's on sale for $4 w/ code rn so I say: buy it if u have the funds!). i use it mostly in bed when i need a quick nut.

[anonymous-swiftie]

If you are on twitter, please retweet this:

https://twitter.com/ASwiftie00/status/1334245577933148164?s=19

Dear #Swifties,

I'm new on tumblr, and I really don't know how to use it.

I know you are the best supporters of the music industry and I'm here to ask your help.

I'm fighting with a crippling depression, that due this covid situation just got worse.

I'm at my lowest, I truly don't know if I will make it through this time.

I always dreamed to talk to Taylor, since I was a teenager. She is the only one that make me feel like I do fit in this world.

I've created this account because I know she is very active here, and I'm trying to reach her with this part of my story.

You can read everything below.

I didn't write any personal information because I don't want this to be seen by my family or somebody that can recognise me.

I don't want upset anyone.

I know that everyone hope to meet or chat with her, and so you are probably wondering why you have to share this here.

You're totally right, maybe it's a stupid idea to ask you this, but I haven't anything left in my pocket to fight this situation, and you're my only hope right now.

Thank you.

#taylor #swift

*******************************************

Dear Taylor,

I keep writing and deleting this, over and over again.

I feel so dumb to write my personal story here, but this truly is my last chance to feel better and try to overcome this giant monster called depression.

I genuinly don't know if I can make it through this year. It's the worst period of my entire life and i don't even know if it's worth living this hell anymore.

I know you have millions of supporters (that probably write you every single day, and they are all better fans than I am, that's for sure) but I know that you proved, time after time, to be so down to earth and to use your time to read your fans messages.. so, in this moment, I'm just trying to share a part of my story with you.

You are the one that make feel understood, since I was like 13teen.

I'm so sorry if my English isn't very good but I'll do my best.

I'm not very active on social media , because I'm very shy when I have to talk about myself.. but If this could work, I must do it.

I will try to send a letter, If I can find the strength to mark this feeling on paper.

**IF I'M WRITING TO SOMEBODY FROM HER STAFF, PLEASE JUST LET THIS MESSAGE REACH TAYLOR**

I'll try now to resume, because I don't want to bother you too much.

This has been a crazy year so far, and the all the time I spent by myself during the lockdown didn't help at all.

This situation brought me back to childhood.

I spent a lot of my days back and forth in hospitals, due to my allergies.

I had to wear a mask all the time I wanted to go outside to avoid severe allergic reaction (that's why this Covid thing awakened some hurting memories)

I didn't have real friends back then, 'cause I've spent most of the summers at home, watching other kids playing around, from my window, or from the windows of my classroom.

It was so hard to make new friends, because the only thing that other kids saw was my mask.

I was the masked kid.

I was the strange kid.

I couldn't play with them.

Everytime I tried to play with them, the only thing I heard was "oh you are ill , I don't wanna be like you so stay away".

This situation made me start to write things in my personal diary.

I wrote small sentences, as a kid, and that was the only thing I could do alone inside an empty classroom during all summer.

This situation continued  for many years.

I wasn't the cool kid before, I wasn't the cool guy after.

The only things that let me enjoy those days were writing and listening to your songs.

I started to listen to your music thanks to my English teacher. She was a fan of folk and country music and she gave me a pic in which you were singing near a lake (I still have that photo somewhere, I strongly remember the white banner with your name written in red on it) and told me to listen to the cd she gave me that day.

I immediately fell in love (I think I still have a crush on you, I'm sorry).

I loved your album. I loved your voice. I loved the lyrics.

I remember having a "test" in school: each one of the class had to write their favourite lyrics and let the others guess the song.

If the someone guessed It, We could play the cd.

I chose Love Story and I translated it in Italian.

The class guessed the song, and I played it.

After the lunch break I went back to my desk and I saw some bullies that were breaking my cd-album and they started to laugh at me because I loved your music an I loved writing poems.

I was a boy so I was a loser because I enjoyed those things.

That felt terrible, but I continued to love your songs even more .

Those were my inspiration to write and to study english.

I felt so good when I listened to your album and this still happens.

Then I went to a private high-school.

Nothing changed, I still was the nerd guy that always got good grades and I have to say that the first year was quite good, but the second year was the start of the apocalypse.

I choose that school because two girls that I knew from childhood went there.

One of the cool new guys started to spread a fake "news" about me.

He said to everyone that I was the boyfriend of one of the two girls that I mentioned before.

So he was the cool guy and one of the girls believed him and told me to f*** myself.

The other girl was her best friend, so you could imagine by what happened next.

After 14 year spent together, I was nobody.

I didn't have "friends" in that class anymore.

I didn't say hello to anybody for 4 years, and nobody would say anything to me.

Nobody to talked with me.

That's great when you're a teenager.

I hated to wake up every morning.

I had an eating disorder, I lost like 22pounds in less than a month. Got hospitalized twice. I kept vomiting for 3 years, every single morning before school.

During that time I only talked with one of my cousins, who lived like 2 hours by car from me.

He was older than me but he always tried to help.

He knew that I loved to write poems so he started to give me guitar lessons.

I made it through a lot of things thanks to him.

I'm sorry, It's hard for me to write this part of the story.

I still get emotional when I think about this.

On the 10TH of December 2013 (some days after his birthday) we received a phone call from his mother: She warned us that he didn't return home after the last working shift.

I wrote a message to him like 3 hours prior to that phone call.

Never had the opportunity to get a reply again.

This year is the seventh year that he is missing.

That destroyed me.

I felt empty.

I felt like nothing couldn't help me.

I still feel that everytime I care about someone in my life, it will disappear someday.

This have happened several other times.

You know when ignorants say that men don't cry, is real bullshit. Men cry. I cried a lot.

I wrote so many poems , lyrics, thoughts in that period of time, that I destroyed my hands.

That was the only way to close my eyes and let me reach another reality because the real one was way too much for me.

Be a sensible man in this world is somehow a curse.

All these things made me afraid  even to hug someone 'cause I feel I'm too ugly or just to scared to be refused.

I will stop here my story, but there's so much more to tell.

I make it through all of these things and memories because I keep dreaming that one day I could meet you and we could talk together.

Dreaming about the fact I could spend a day with you made me find the power to battle my depression.

I'm 25 now and this year I'm not dreaming anymore.

I was going to start again university, I wanted to get a degree in marketing and have the chance to live in the us.

For years I believed that I would make it and hopefully be part of your marketing team.

I'm so stupid. All these years I kept dreaming to avoid pain.

I wanted to pursue my passion and continue to write lyrics but all I was doing was putting myself in unrealistic realities.

This covid situation made everything clear.

When everyone had someone to facetime (or video call) I was alone.

When everyone had someone asking them "how are you?" I only had myself looking in the mirror saying: "Will I ever feel better?"

I've never been the one for anybody, and I think I'll never be.

I won't be the one among all your fans to realize his dream.

Nobody likes me, and I'm exposing myself once again just because I want the opportunity to smile at something that could happen to me.

I'm tired to smile only for others best moments.

I've always seen the sun through a window.

I want to feel happy.

I want to burn my face with the sun.

I'm so sick of hiding my pain,

sick to cry when I'm alone in my car before going to work,

sick to let my eyes rain on my pillow every night.

I'm sick to say to my mother that I'm fine, just because I don't want to make her feel bad.

It's not her fault.

She is battling with a degenerative autoimmune disease, why I should put other weight on her shoulders?

I didn't give up to my weakness before because I don't want to hurt her.

I always say to her that soon she will feel better, that's why your song It's stuck in my head.

But when she won't be here anymore, how I can go through all of that?

I don't even know if will ever get better for me.

Will this pain ever stop?

Sometimes it's so hard to live and so easy to die.

Hope that my dream to spend some time with you can become true.

Thank you for everything, you gave me the strength to go on for many years.. But this time is so hard to put on my armor and continue this battle.

But is this even worth if thy I try to surround myself with people and I always feel lonely?

D.

@taylorswift @taylornation @jackleopards-thedolphinclub