#not sure of the source on this one
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ARES IS NOT THE PROTECTOR OF WOMEN IN GREEK MYTHOLOGY.
He is never presented as such in any source, there is no evidence such a role was ever assigned to him in any account, and as far as I'm aware this popular yet unattested assertion is born from the echo-chambers of tumblr. In fact quite the opposite could be argued. TW for sexual assault.
This baffling claim seems to originate from a sort of shallow examination of the way Ares "behaves in myth", and the following arguments are the most frequently presented:
1. Ares protects his daughter Alkippe from assault, and is therefore morally opposed to rape. (Apollodorus 3.180, Pausanias 1.21.4, Suidas "Areios pagos", attributed to Hellanikos)
Curiously this argument is never applied to, among other examples: Apollo for defending his mother Leto from Tytios, Herakles for defending Hera from Porphyrion (or his wife Deianeira from Nessos), or Zeus for defending his sister Demeter from Iasion (in the versions where he attacks her), etc. The multiple accounts of rape of the previously mentioned figures did not conflict with these stories in greek thought: they're defending family members or women otherwise close to them. This sort of mentality is not uncommon even in contemporary times, e.g. a warrior may have no ethical problem killing men, but would not want his own family or loved ones to be killed. The same goes here for sexual assault.
2. There are no surviving accounts of Ares sexually assaulting anybody.
The idea that the ancient greeks pictured that, among all the gods, Ares was the only one who shied away from committing rape is baseless and borders on ridiculous. In this case absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The majority of surviving records regarding Ares' unions are presented in a genealogical manner, and do not go into details on their nature. This is the case for most works of mythography, where specifics of sexual encounters are to be found elsewhere. However, common motifs present in other accounts of rape also appear in stories concerning Ares' relationships, e.g. tropes like shape-shifting/the use of disguises, the victim being a huntress, secrecy, and the disposal of the concieved child, are to be found in the stories of Phylonome and Astyoche respectively:
Φυλονόμη Νυκτίμου καὶ Ἀρκαδίας θυγάτηρ ἐκυνήγει σὺν τῇ Ἀρτέμιδι: Ἄρης δ᾽ ἐν σχήματι ποιμένος ἔγκυον ἐποίησεν. ἡ δὲ τεκοῦσα διδύμους παῖδας καὶ φοβουμένη τὸν πατέρα ἔρριψεν εἰς τὸν Ἐρύμανθο
"Phylonome, the daughter of Nyktimos and Arkadia, was wont to hunt with Artemis; but Ares, in the guise of a shepherd, got her with child. She gave birth to twin children and, fearing her father, cast them into the [River] Erymanthos." (Pseudo-Plutarch, Greek and Roman Parallel Stories, 36)
οἳ δ᾽ Ἀσπληδόνα ναῖον ἰδ᾽ Ὀρχομενὸν Μινύειον, τῶν ἦρχ᾽ Ἀσκάλαφος καὶ Ἰάλμενος υἷες Ἄρηος οὓς τέκεν Ἀστυόχη δόμῳ Ἄκτορος Ἀζεΐδαο, παρθένος αἰδοίη ὑπερώϊον εἰσαναβᾶσα Ἄρηϊ κρατερῷ: ὃ δέ οἱ παρελέξατο λάθρῃ: τοῖς δὲ τριήκοντα γλαφυραὶ νέες ἐστιχόωντο.
"And they that dwelt in Aspledon and Orchomenus of the Minyae were led by Ascalaphus and Ialmenus, sons of Ares, whom, in the palace of Actor, son of Azeus, Astyoche, the honoured maiden, conceived of mighty Ares, when she had entered into her upper chamber; for he lay with her in secret" (Homer, Iliad 2. 512 ff)
In neither of these cases is a verb explicitly denoting rape used, though it is heavily implied by the context. The focus of the action is on the conception of sons, the nature of the interaction is secondary.
Other examples are found among the daughters of the river Asopos, who where (and here there's no confusion) ravished and kidnapped by different gods to different parts of the greek world, where they found local lines through children borne to their abductors and serve as eponyms. Surviving fragments from Corinna of Tanagra tell us:
"Asopos went to his haunts . . from you halls . . into woe . . Of these [nine] daughters Zeus, giver of good things, took his [Asopos'] child Aigina . . from her father's [house] . . while Korkyra and Salamis and lovely Euboia were stolen by father Poseidon, and Leto's son is in possession of Sinope and Thespia . . [and Tanagra was seized by Hermes] . . But to Asopos no one was able to make the matter clear, until . . [the seer Akraiphen reveals to him] 'And of your daughters father Zeus, king of all, has three; and Poseidon, ruler of the sea, married three; and Phoibos [Apollon] is master of the beds of two of them, and of one Hermes, good son of Maia. For so did the pair Eros and the Kypris persuade them, that they should go in secret to your house and take your nine daughters." (heavily fragmented papyrus. Corinna fr. 654)
"For your [Tanagra's] sake Hermes boxed against Ares." (Corinna fr. 666)
It seems that, similar to the myths of Beroe or Marpessa, the abducted maiden is fought over by two competing "suitors", and though we can infer that the outcome of the story is that Hermes gets to keep Tanagra, apparently by beating Ares in a boxing match, we don't actually know what happened or how it happened. In any case, Ares does mate with another daughter of Asopos, Harpina, who bears him Oinomaos according to some versions (Paus. 5.22.6; Stephanus Byzantium. Ethnica. A125.3; Diodorus Siculus 4. 73. 1). There is little reason to suppose that this encounter wasn't pictured as an abduction like the rest of her sisters.
The blatant statement that each of his affairs was envisioned as consensual is simply not true.
3. He was worshipped under the epithet Gynaikothoinas "feasted by women"
This was a local cult that existed in Tegea, the following reason is given:
"There is also an image of Ares in the marketplace of Tegea. Carved in relief on a slab it is called Gynaecothoenas. At the time of the Laconian war, when Charillus king of Lacedaemon made the first invasion, the women armed themselves and lay in ambush under the hill they call today Phylactris. When the armies met and the men on either side were performing many remarkable exploits, the women, they say, came on the scene and put the Lacedaemonians to flight. Marpessa, surnamed Choera, surpassed, they say, the other women in daring, while Charillus himself was one of the Spartan prisoners. The story goes on to say that he was set free without ransom, swore to the Tegeans that the Lacedaemonians would never again attack Tegea, and then broke his oath; that the women offered to Ares a sacrifice of victory on their own account without the men, and gave to the men no share in the meat of the victim. For this reason Ares got his surname." (Paus. 8.48.4-5)
As emphasised by Georgoudi in To Act, Not Submit: Women’s Attitudes in Situations of War in Ancient Greece (part of the highly recommendable collection of essays Women and War in Antiquity), "it is not necessary to see the operation of an invitation in the bestowal of the epithet Γυναικοθοίνας on Ares". The epithet is ambiguous, and can be translated both as "Host of the banquet of women" or "[He who is] invited to the banquet of women". In any case no act of divine intervention occurs, and the main reason for the women's act of devotion lies principally in recognising their decisive role in the routing of the Lakedaimonians. It's they who preside/participate in the feast of war, the men are excluded.
Also this a local epithet that isn't found anywhere else in Greece. As such it would be worth reminding that not every Ares is Gynaikothoinas, in the same way not every Zeus is Aithiopian, not every Demeter Erinys, and not every Artemis of Ephesos.
4. He was the patron god of the Amazons
He was considered progenitor of the Amazons because of their proverbial warlike nature and love of battle, the same reason he was associated with other "barbaric" tribes, like the Thracians or the Scythians. In this capacity he was also appointed as a suitable father/ancestor for other violent and savage characters who generally function as antagonists (e.g. Kyknos, Diomedes of Thrace, Tereos of Thrace, Oinomaos, Agrios and Oreios, Phlegyas, Lykos etc.). Also he was by no means the only god connected with the Amazons (they were in fact especially linked to Artemis, see Religious Cults Associated With the Amazons by Florence Mary Bennett, if only for the bibliography).
Similarly, Poseidon was considered patron and ancestor of the Phaiakians mainly because of their mastery over the art of seafaring (and was curiously also credited in genealogies as father to monsters and other disreputable figures).
On another note I have found no sources that claim he taught his amazon daughters how to fight, as I've seen often mentioned (though I admit I'd love to be proven wrong on that point).
5. Finally, the last reason Ares could never be portrayed as a protector of women is because of his divine assignation itself
The uncountable references to his love of bloodshed and man-slaying don't just stop short of the battlefield, but continue on to the conclusion and intended purpose of most waged wars in antiquity: the sacking of the city. The title Sacker of Cities as an epithet of Ares (though it is by no means exclusive to him) is encountered numerous times and in different variations (eg. τειχεσιπλήτης or πτολίπορθος), and the meaning behind the epithet is plain. Though it is hard to summarise without being reductionist, the sacking of a city entails the plundering of all its goods, the slaughtering of its men, and the sistematic raping and enslavement of the surviving women (to name only a small few of the literary references see The Iliad, The Trojan Women or The Women of Trachis). There is little need to emphasise that war as concieved of in ancient greece, especifically the brutal aspects of war Ares is most often associated with, directly entailed sexual violence against women as one of it's main concerns. The multiple references to Ares being an unloved or disliked deity are because of this, because war is horrifying (not because his daddy is a big old meany who hates him for no reason, Zeus makes very clear the motive for his contempt in the Iliad (5. 889-891): "Do not sit beside me and whine, you double-faced liar. To me you are most hateful of all gods who hold Olympos. Forever quarreling is dear to your heart, wars and battles.")
Ares was only the protector of women inasmuch as he could be averted or repelled (e.g. surviving apotropaic chants):
"There is no clash of brazen shields but our fight is with the war god, a war god ringed with the cries of men, a savage god who burns us; grant that he turn in racing course backward out of our country’s bounds, to the great palace of Amphitrite or where the waves of the thracian sea deny the stranger safe anchorage. Whatsoever escapes the night at last the light of day revisits; so smite him, Father Zeus, beneath your thunderbolt, for you are the lord of the lightning, the lightning that carries fire." (Shophocles, Oedipus Tyrannos, 190-202)
"And let no murderous havoc come upon the realm to ravage it, by arming Ares—foe to the dance and lute, parent of tears—and the shout of civil strife." (Aeschylus, Suppliant Women 678)
~~~~~
All that being said, this is a post about Ares as conceptualized and attested in ancient sources, made specifically in response to condescending statements about how "uhmmm, actually, in greek mythology Ares was a super-feminist himbo who was worshipped as the protector of women and was hated by his family for no reason, you idiot". It is factually incorrect. HOWEVER, far be it from me to tell anyone how they have to interact with this deity. Be it your retellings, your headcannons or your own personal religious attachments and beliefs towards Ares, those are your own provinces and prerogatives, and not what was being discussed here at all (I personally love art where Ares and Aphrodite goof around, or retellings where he plays with his daughters, or headcannons that showcase his more noble sides, etc.)
~~~~~
I've seen that other people on tumblr have made similar posts, the ones I've seen were by @deathlessathanasia and @en-theos . I have no idea how to link their posts, but they're really good so go check them out on their pages!
#Ares#greek mythology#greek myths#greek gods#this one ain't gonna be popular#another post that got out of hand#there is so much misinformation on tumblr#tumblr is not a valid source for anything ever#people on here make up the wildest shit and then act personally offended at the slightest rebuttal#I get that checking primary sources can be hard#but it's the only way to make sure you're not just repeating someone else's headcanons#it's happened to all of us#Alkippe#Alcippe#Phylonome#Astyoche#Tanagra#Harpina#Amazons#Ares Gynaikothoinas#Asopos#tagamemnon#hellenic deities#tw rape
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continuing that "maya tries to contact claire" post, i present you the post-Spirit of Justice follow-up
#post that caters to ME specifically#let me first tag#ghost trick spoilers#lost future spoilers#now that that's out of the way. you know who's on that suitcase ;)#also claire is fucked up by time travel shenanigans so it's possible let's just say#also ghost powers grow and change with time sooooo. let's play with canon#layton “i have a dead girlfriend” and yomiel “i had a dead girlfriend” bisexuals#also yes the whole gang traveled to london they're just strolling around#maya had unfinished business and now that she's more powerful she's BACK#this would take place 7-or-so years after lost future/plvspw so layton is in his mid-forties here. i had to look it so correct me if im not#also yes this is a crossover AU i have rotating in my mind i love the source material and layton's and claire whole thing no shade to that#powerful narrative that made me cry#but with aa and gt magic fuckery we have the technology#also about the jail bit. that's a fic i am writing (one sentence every month)#ghost trick#professor layton#ace attorney#my art#ms paint#GOD. that wall of text is surely something
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"palestinians are asking you to vote for kamala" actually the PFLP is asking you to boycott both parties but i guess they don't matter or something?
#vero.txt#t#whatever i guess. multiple sources since im sure someone will try and say one of these is a lie
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x - x
#I heart this cat so much!!#cottagecore#nature#naturecore#flowers#flowercore#still can’t seem to find the original source tho#looks like the one from Pinterest is one but not sure yet#anyone know it pls let me know#heart#heart cat#heartcore
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Hello, Pokemon Colosseum Fandom. (waves to the 5 of you)
I'm back.
#pokemon#pokemon colosseum#pkmn#pokemon wes#pokemon rui#entei#not sourcing the screenshot of vegeta i used for the meme pic because i'm SURE everyone knows exactly which one it is#i had to flip it though cause i realized wes is left handed#also i basically traced a model of entei too so sue me. im not bending over backwards to draw that thang for a jokey joke#i didnt even attempt a background
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Buck: I just wanted to let you all know that I have a boyfriend.
Hen: Congrats Buck!
Chimney: Wait let us guess! Does he have brown hair?
Hen: Was he in the army?
Chimney: Does his job involve rescuing people?
Hen: Does he have abs for days?
Chimney: Do we know him?
Buck: How did you two know I was dating Tommy?!
Hen and Chimney: WHAT!
#I would love to see their faces personally#no one knows what to do with the betting money given that Buck is dating Eddie’s clown#in all seriousness I love the BuckTommy development on the show but they really did give Buck a legally distinct not Eddie boyfriend#evan buckley#buck#buddie#eddie diaz#incorrect buck#incorrect buddie quotes#911 abc#incorrect hen#henrietta wilson#incorrect chimney#chimney han#incorrect 911 quotes#although I’m sure I’m not the first to make a post like this#source: mine#oops that tag was supposed to say Eddie’s clone not clown but evidently autocorrect decided otherwise
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❓
#ff#ffxiv#saffron#Gaia#Ryne#the girls r so sillaayyyyyy 💕💕💕#ok gonna wrap up Eden so I can Send Saff back to the source#gotta make sure she has some relax time first tho hehe#yes I made another comic less than 24 hours after finishing the last monster one I did#yes I’m going insane
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when i watched HotD (with no knowledge of the book) i was like, ok this is a bit cringey they’re obviously trying to make a pro women narrative and it’s turning out a bit cringe but whatever; and the more i learn abt the actual book the more i’m like, not whatever actually! why is this shit so cringe when you could’ve had much more powerful womens stories if u just stuck to the fucking book plot lines. in trying to make a “feminist retelling” they have just, stripped? most of the female character of most of their personalities??? I can see where they’re coming from w certain ideas, like having Helaena chose her daughter over her son could work in certain stories, but learning abt the book and how important Maelor was to that story it’s just, weird af that they did that? it feels LESS feminist to take away a huge part of Helaena’s story for this like middle school level lesson that daughters r infact just as important as their princely brothers and u probably shouldn’t sacrifice them to kidnappers, like thanks i think we all knew that actually,,,
tired of men trying to make feminist movies with their 3rd grade level understanding of feminism
#SIGH#i will read F&B once I’m done w AGOT#and i’m sure i will be even more of a hater then#it’s just so infuriating bc i was “ok whatever kinda cringe story”#but there were better womens stories in the fucking source material!!!#there is no reason for the show to be like this#game of thrones#got#hotd#house of the dragon#anti hotd#hotd critical#idek tags#i sigh dramatically#can i have one banger cinematography show that is also not shite storytelling wise
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Jazz wasn't crazy. People might argue that burning her childhood home to the ground with her parents still inside would be an indicator of insanity. But how else was she supposed to react after coming back home from college to find out her parents had brutally killed her brother via vivisection?
Dying her hair blonde wasn't crazy either before anyone asked. Plenty of girls dyed their hair when they needed a change. Besides, she could never live with herself if she kept the same hair color as that vile woman.
Admittedly Jazz would have to secede moving to Gotham had been a little crazy but it was the perfect place to start fresh and blend in despite her "quirks". She had even picked out a nice new identity for herself.
Clearly Jazz was not crazy as she had managed to land a job at Arkham Asylum as a psychiatrist. If she were really insane would they have ever hired her? No they wouldn't have.
Jazz was not crazy. She was very much sane. Just like her precious Mr. J.
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#hyper prompts#winter's tales#not sure which one this fits under more#surprise! jazz is harley quinn#do not ask me how my brain concocted this for i truly have no idea#i was merely as vessel for my own crazy thoughts in this case#btw y'all i tried to look up whether harley was a psychologist or a psychiatrist because i couldn't remember#and i got conflicting answers#i think the general consensus is she's a psychiatrist who acts like a psychologist#because most writers don't know the difference#and by general consensus i mean i saw a total of one source that had that opinion#but it makes the most sense to me so i'm running with it#the same source (reddit) as theorized that she's a double major#which also makes sense because even in her origins she's studying psychology#but she's also going to med school!?#hello??#you don't even need to be an expert or anything#just open a dictionary!#look it up on google!#something!#anywho#her job switches depending on the era comic run writer etc#you know basic comic book shenanigans#sorry for the rant y'all#it was just so mind boggling that it actually became a little funny#so i thought i'd share
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I think what a lot of tumblr-only people are missing about twitter failing, is that it was always a better website when it came to small businesses, instant world event news, fact checking, having users from all over the world, being a source for disaster relief information or warnings, and anything else to keep people up to date with going ons.
Sure, tumblr has many users from all over, but the website is still largely english biased and not nearly as widespread as twitter. I know a lot of news and knowledge comes in on here too. I've learned a lot and see a lot of donation posts in regards to world events, but its nothing like twitter unless you know who to follow. Not to mention, half the news I got here, was days later and from twitter to begin with.
Seeing that being taken away in favor of hate speech and enabling abusers (with the recent potential of getting rid of the block feature over there) and pushing blue user comments to the top (aka elon's weird fans), drowning out anyone else on popular posts, sucks! It sucks for the world and small businesses. because there's really no alternative to it right now.
The site's running rampant with spam and scammers and its becoming more and more unusable by the day. And some people think it's silly to be upset over it or "you shouldn't have all your eggs in one basket" well there only is one basket! This is literally people's livelihoods people seem to be making fun of anytime a change happens that breaks the site and people post all their socials.
And everyone from every country is talking about different websites they're considering, and its splitting up our connection to the world. And surely he knew who this was hurting with every decision.
#idk i see some people being weird about EW TWITTER PEOPLE like well for one they were surely already here too#but you need to understand how small of a community is over here vs twitter essentially being like. world internet hub#people are constantly reminding u of their other socials over there because where are we gonna make our money when its done#starting from scratch sucks. tumblr has been helpful but nothing gets much traction anymore#idk sorry for long post rant but it feels kinda crummy when ppl are downplaying it like this isnt disconnecting friends or communities#or ppls best sources of income
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Part 8!! (A secret third thing iykyk)
other parts: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7]
#fanart#digital art#comic#one piece#one piece fanart#luffy#post timeskip#one piece comic#roronoa zoro#straw hat pirates#zoro#straw hat luffy#wano#pirate hunter zoro#You guys have no clue ...like#I re-read the entire manga and caught up because of this comic#because I wanted to be sure I was drawing from the source material#so if you're wondering why it took so long it takes a while to read 1072+ chapters of manga
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frank's butt masterpost
@frnkiebby I wanted to tag you in the updated one (as if you haven't seen everything before lol) and wanted to say thank you for doing all that scrolling to find the source. I wasn't sure if it was scattered. Good to know it's from his instagram.
I mean good to know about this anyway. do you think i could make looking at these pictures a job? or a lifestyle I guess? or will I have to go back to school and get my degree in franks ass.
edit: I cannot believe people are asking why? they obviously meant to say: "thank you frank iero"
#this is for my records only NO ONE LOOK#frank iero#sources needed but i'm sure some is from his instagram#mcr#my chemical romance#frnkiero#......................................................so is his dick just out?#frnkieromustdie#swarm#swarm era#barriers era#2019#frank gif#gif
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Being a fan of rpf media can be so wild tho because you have this piece of media that is based off real people, and it’s pretty gay so you’re like “oh okay, it’s probably only because of the acting choices and writing though.” And then you do some research into the real people and somehow it’s 1000% gayer than the actual source material
#this post is about#winnix#soulmates in crime#clegan#although not sure whether clegan should be on there because Callum turner where is your source for the ‘we should’ve been the ones getting#married’ quote like genuinely where did you hear that#mota#band of brothers#boardwalk empire
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please keep racism and antisemitism out of the reblogs when discussing this, u will be blocked
#source: my mum coming into my room and waking me up to tell me#(+ me googling it for more details so i didn’t make an incorrect destiel meme)#speaking of which is this meme ok? i’ve never made a destiel meme before#israel#palestine#israel palestine conflict#cw war#destiel meme#needs id#(sorry i would normally make one myself but i’m not sure how to for smthn like this)
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TRADITIONAL TOAD GARB PEACH LETS GOOOOOOOO
#smb#princess peach#no id#giddly’s art#inhales. Okay. listen#while i understand why they did it i have beef with the fact that the peach toad garb scene in the smb movie saw her in a tee shirt#listen to me. the toads do not have gender norms. i’m pretty sure they don’t have gender at all [?]#i have NO reason to believe that peach would be the ONLY one in the kingdom wearing a shirt. like why. WHY#however i do think that by the time she got old enough to travel outside the mushroom kingdom and was exposed to other cultures#her wardrobe would get more variety simply because she would become interested in other kinds of garments. like ok#but the toads have a completely different society altogether. they all dress Exactly the same#they’re like. smurfs. actually the parallels between the smurfs / smurfette & princess peach / her toads are so numerous it’s not even funn#ANYWAY what i’m trying to say is that they would raise her like one of their own. they wouldn’t treat her any differently#she [HOLD THAT THOT I JUST REMEMBERED THAT TOADETTE EXISTS AND LOOKED HER UP. SHE WEARS A FUCKING SHIRT.#OKAY WHATTTTEVER. i refuse to believe the toad society of all fucking things cares about gender norms#whatever. it’s my hc and i can do whatever i want forever#source: my beautiful mind
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for writing game, iwaizumi + assistance <3
hope this sparks some inspo and thank you in advancee
hi there!! thanks for sending in a prompt 🫶
contains: friends to lovers (ish), halloween parties, reader is dressed as catwoman, expletives, iwaizumi is thiiiiis 🤏 close to murdering seijoh4 (jk)
iwaizumi + assistance
this is a set-up.
iwaizumi knows he shouldn't have fucking believed anything the boys "promised" him back when they assigned him this costume.
the suit is fucking tight, spandex digging into his groins and all other crevices that definitely should be aired out after after a few hours. he's had to constantly readjust his stance almost every few minutes, the black fabric compressing his thighs and torso, significantly constricting the range of motion his shoulders and arms are typically used to. if anything else, it could double up as a back brace from how rigidly straight it's kept his posture all night.
he'll give it to makki though; he did outdo himself sourcing this year's costumes―this batman set looks pretty damn legit.
except for one tiny problem.
there's no fucking pee hole. it's a zip-up, zip-down one-piece situation. and that normally wouldn't be a problem, except that oikawa "accidentally" knocked over a cocktail straight into his pants, the sickeningly sweet liquid now seeping straight into the fabric and past his boxers―cold and sticky as it touches his skin.
and so, the problem: his pants are wet, it makes him want to fucking pee, and coincidentally, the only vacant bathroom is across the hall, at your apartment.
this is why he believes this is a set up. that, and the fact that you're dressed in an outfit strikingly similar―just with cat ears.
he's been asked five times in this party if you're in matching couple outfits.
it catches him off guard, flusters him because of how badly he wants to say yes. but, you're just friends, and he doesn't even think you like him that way (despite mattsun and oikawa practically begging him to confess. makki tells him he thinks you're going to do it first).
so he politely smiles and says no, but you look good, your costume clinging to you in all the right places. thank fucking god he has a cape because he's pretty sure he spent the first 30 minutes in the party hiding his boner.
"hajime, it's fine, i swear," you stand beside him in front of the conveniently locked bathroom in oikawa's apartment. from the other side of the door, he's pretty sure he hears mattsun and his girlfriend mumbling. maybe fucking? who knows. "you can just use the bathroom in my apartment."
he glances at you before closing his eyes, contemplating, before finally agreeing to you.
"okay."
if he's being honest with himself, friends is definitely an incomplete label to what you are. as oikawa's neighbor, you are conveniently around all the time; and oikawa being oikawa, the ever-social butterfly, he's somehow managed to carve a space for you in the friend group.
(never mind the fact that oikawa's sniffed him out from the moment he first introduced you.)
you were a crush, then a friend, and now you're someone he picks up from work and drives back home three times a week, because he "has to train oikawa." you don't question it, even when you both know he stays over for dinner way past the gym's open hours.
"you know where it is," you open your apartment and urge him in.
"sorry again," he turns to face you.
"yeah, yeah, just pee!" you laugh, shoving him towards the bathroom door.
getting out of the suit is manageable, and he's able to wipe off a bit of the cocktail that's leaked to the suit and his boxers just to make sure it isn't gross and sticky when he gets home later. peeing is a big relief once he gets it over with, but it's when he has to suit up again that things become difficult.
stretching out the spandex one body part at a time is a workout in itself―the hardest task being when he has to pull it over his shoulders, adjusting it to fit properly over his arms and chest.
but then the zipper breaks.
and he truly thinks makki has fucked him over.
iwaizumi contemplates what to do next for a good, good while. he tries calling oikawa, only to no success every time; no way in hell is he calling mattsun in the middle of having sex. and calling makki isn't even an option; he'd never hear the end of it.
then you knock on the door, your voice soft and concerned as you ask, "hajime? you good in there?" you hit it spot on, too, "do you need help with your suit?"
iwaizumi presses his palms to his eyes. he's a rational man, straightforward and logical in thinking. there is literally no other option for him right now but to ask help from you. again.
fuck.
.
it's 30 minutes later when oikawa barges in your door, and the sight that greets him is iwaizumi in nothing but a hoodie (the hoodie you borrowed some time ago) and his boxers, with his hands on your waist as you hover your hairdryer over the crotch of his batman costume―cat headpiece off and all.
"you finally got together?!"
#iwaizumi x reader#hq!! x reader#shotorus.workbook#omg i hope u enjoyed this!! i had fun thinking it up ehehe and writing it#in my mind this is set in the same universe as the halloween one i did for mattsun―actually its the same party HABFHBSF#some stuff about the fic: iwaizumi is hot in that costume i spared the details bc i was going to combust MYSELF#but it clings to his muscles REAAAAAAL good and there's really not a lot of padding in the costume itself#bc makki believes in iwaizumi's anatomy enough to deliver#what happened in between iwaizumi asking for help and oikawa barging in??? we may never know 🤷♀️ kidding !#i just didnt write it in bc it would be too long but#if anyone is curious maybe i'll write it as a separate thing!#other stuff abt the fic: reader became good friends with oikawa first bc neighbors but then oikawa admittedly wanted to play matchmaker#so he invited reader a ton to their group things so he could introduce em to iwaizumi HAHA and iwaizumi crushed hard#they become close pretty quickly too hence why reader calls him hajime HAHAH and they hang out even outside of the group#theres definitely something like they text a lot and stuff but neither of them are sure of how the other feels so they arent admitting#reader has borrowed a hoodie from him tho#(aka the one he's wearing in the blurb bc it's the only article of clothing that fits him in reader's apt)#also they figured they'd just kill time by drying iwaizumi's costume bc for sure they couldn't chuck it in the dryer so the next best thing#was to just use a dryer and spot dry it#makki did source most of the costumes! except mattsun's and his gf's#uhhh they go back to the party afterwards but reader literally had to makeshift lock iwaizumi's costume with safety pins HAHA#i guess his muscles just be too popping 🤷♀️#fvntybomb#ask#rep#ask game answered
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