#not sure if this is even was what you wanted but this is all i came up with sorry đ
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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BEGINNERS GUIDE TO BLUESKY
Hiya! Curious about joining bluesky but intimidated by all the features? Already on bluesky but want to learn more? Then welcome to my quick guide on getting started and navigating bluesky!~
What is Bluesky?
itâs a social media site thatâs owned by no single person or company. it's aim is to bring back the early days of twitter before bots, elon musk or algorithms took over. Personally I find the site really cozy, wholesome, and engaging. my Bluesky account for example
Whatâs unique about Bluesky?
â CUSTOMIZATION: ââââââââyour timeline is very easy to control. Thereâs tons of options, so be sure to go through each tab in your settings. some options include: turning off autoplay, changing the order in which threaded replies show, changing DM settings, content preferences and lots of visual app settings.
â MODERATION LISTS: human made, mass blocklists. These are public lists of accounts that when you subscribe to you automatically block or mute everyone in that specific blocklist. A great way to avoid unwanted content, and interactions. ⌠Moderation lists I recommend will be below the cut
â STARTER PACKS: recommendation lists on who to follow, made by users. You can even curate your own starter pack of recommendations! ⌠Starter pack recommendations will be below the cut
â FEEDS: public timelines, basically. There are a lot of feeds you can join, or you can even create your own. I made a feed featuring just my pixel art so it doesnât get cluttered with text posts or other photos in my media tab. ⌠Iâll post feeds I recommend below and link you to a tutorial on how to create your own feed
â BLOCKING/MUTING: bluesky has a great blocking system. When you block someone they can no longer see, or interact with you. They also have a feature to make your blog inaccessible unless logged in. you can also mute specific people, delete post replies, and even detach your post from a reblog. You can also mute specific words, phrases, tags etc.
â NSFW: bluesky allows NSFW content, including artwork, porn, lewds etc. They also have a great moderation page to avoid the content completely, censor the content, or show it if youâd wish. ⌠just go to settings > moderation > toggle on NSFW settings and itâll let you heavily moderate.
â LABELS: this is a really cool feature on the site, you can subscribe to certain pages that enable a lot of fun/useful labels that help you in different ways! (like pronoun tags, artist tags etc) ⌠Labels to browse will be posted below
â COMMUNITIES: the vastly diverse communities really feel like the best parts of tumblr. since you can so heavily curate your experience, it can really feel like a calming oasis. Mine is mostly artists, and other creatives.
thereâs also a large community of professional artists, art directors, authors, celebrities, and even the best shitposters from twitter. the app really is what you make of it but itâs thriving right now.
RECOMMENDATIONS & LINKS BELOW âŹ
â MODERATION LISTS:
HATE SPEECH: NAZIS | MAGA | MAGAv2 | MAGAv3 | TRANSPHOBES & HOMOPHOBES | FAR RIGHT | FAR RIGHTv2 | FAR RIGHTv3 | ELON MUSK FANBOYS | ANTI-BLACK | ANTI-VAX
NFT/AI/CRYPTO: MASTERLIST | AI/NFT | AI/NFTv2 | AI FANBOYS | CRYPTO | NFTs
SPAM/SCAMMERS: SPAMBOTS | BOTS | CONTENT SCRAPERS | CONTENT FARMING
⌠to block or mute everyone in the blocklist at once, click subscribe in the top right corner:
â STARTER PACKS:
ART: PIXEL ART | PIXEL ARTv2 | WOMEN OF PIXEL ART | BADASS DIGITAL ARTISTS | MAGIC THE GATHERING ARTIST | PAINTERS OF BLUESKY | INDIE COMIC CREATORS | LGBTQIA+ COMIC CREATORS
GENERAL: WOMEN OF BSKY | AUTHORS | LGBTQ NEWS
SHITPOSTERS: JUNIPER | JUNIPERv2 | MASTERLIST | SCIENCE SHITPOSTERS
⌠for more niche starter packs, use the search function. search your specific interest and âstarter packâ and youâll find some!
â FEEDS:
DISCOVER | WHATS TRENDING | MENTIONS | ART | TRENDING ART
THE GRAM: a timeline for exclusively image posts from those you follow. no textposts etc. ONLYPOST: similar to the gram, it shows a timeline of only those you follow. no reposts, just original posts. đ: a way to bookmark posts. just reply with the pin emoji.
⌠thereâs tons of others feeds as well! just use the feed tab and you can browse feeds or search for specific ones.
⌠TUTORIAL ON HOW TO CREATE A CUSTOM FEED FOR YOUR ART/POSTS
â LABELS:
SKYWATCH: most popular label. Lots of useful labels!
AI Labels: identifies AI users, can also enable hiding the posters.
Pronouns: self explanatory but useful. can add a badge with your pronouns!
⌠you can search for additional label bots on bluesky!
OTHER RECOMMENDATIONS:
⌠EXPIRIENCE ENHANCING TOOLS RECS ⌠CLEARSKY: TRACK BLOCKS AND BLOCKLISTS ⌠SKYFEED: CREATE CUSTOM FEEDS EASILY ⌠use the block function often. do not entertain trolls or hate speech. ⌠as well as starter packs, thereâs also lists! lists can be used in the same way to create curated lists of accounts. itâs a good way to keep track of specific genres of posters youâre interested in, and finding new ones! ⌠hashtags: use them! theyâre beneficial in boosting your post. you can even link hashtags in your bio making you easier to find. another method of making you more visible is if you post an âinterestâ post! basically just type things youâre interested in and itâll help people find you / vice versa ! ⌠update your profile first thing, like bio avi etc. make a small post so people know you're real. interact and engage! the communities there are so welcoming!
I think that covers abt everything i wanted to cover! Hope this was helpful and thanks for reading lol
#bluesky#bluesky starter pack#bluesky social#bsky.app#bsky#bsky social#bluesky tutorial#bluesky walkthrough#bluesky app#ooooooooook that took forever lol hope its useful!!!!!!!!#long post#text post
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE! â GOJO SATORU
SYNOPSIS...you and gojo get into a fight after realizing that heâs been hiding something about your relationship the entire time
INFO...gojo x fem!reader, angsty, arguing, breaking up(?), not proofread
OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated
You slam the door to the penthouse, your heels clicking against the mahogany floors with each step. You toss your purse on the couch, hearing Gojo opening the front door and shutting it quickly. âBaby, please just listen to me.â He pleads, following after you.
âI donât wanna hear your bullshit excuse, Satoru.â You roll your eyes, plopping down on the edge of the bed to relieve your sore feet of the heels youâve been wearing all night to your boyfriends opening event heâs been planning for months now.
âIâm not trying to make excuses. Please.â He walks over towards you and toss your heel at him. âStop throwing shit and just talk to me!â
âYou donât get to tell me what to do!â You stand to your feet, glaring daggers at him. âDo you know how embarrassing that was for me? God, youâre a fucking asshole.â You seethe, narrowing your eyes. âI sat there all alone, while you let some woman feel up on you the entire night? Are you out your fucking mind?â You scoff.
âSheâs just an old friend, y/n. I swear I didnât mean to make you feel that way.â He shakes his head at you, grabbing onto your arms tightly.
âOh, yeah? So I when I came up and introduced myself as your girlfriend none of your friends were looking at me like I was crazy? I know weâve been only together for a year, Satoru, but thatâs fucking low.â You pull away from him. âThey didnât even know who I was. Then you got miss prissy bitch clearly flirting with you in front of me and you didnât do a damn thing to stop it!â You brush past him, stomping over towards the bathroom.
âSlow down, y/n! Babyââ
âIâm not your fucking âbabyâ, Satoru.â You gather all of your products from the bathroom, from your makeup and skincare to your clothes and shampoo.
âStop for just one second.â He spins you around so youâre facing him. âDonât leave. I swear youâre the only girl for me. I know I fucked up, I know I did. I embarrassed you, made you look stupid and I am so fucking sorry. But please do not leave.â He cups your face gently and his touch feels so inviting, but you canât forgive him that easily. âI only want you. I only need you.â
You look up at him through your lashes, swallowing thickly as you bite the inside of your cheek. âShouldâve thought about that when you let her kiss your cheek and you smiled at her. Right in front of me. Get the fuck off of me.â You push him, rushing to grab your bag from the closet.
Gojo lets out a tired sigh, following you. He wasnât going to let you go. Not like this. âI shouldnât have let her near me.â
âWhy was she so comfortable with being that close to you, huh?â You question, furrowing your brows as you turn to look at him. âNow that I think about it. Let me guess, you two were more than just friends.â You stand to your feet, snatching your clothes off the hangers and shoving them into your bag. He looks at you, opening his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. And from the look in his eyes, you already knew the truth. A bitter laugh leaves your lips, shaking your head in disappointment.
âIt was before you! Before us! We never dated it was just a small thing between me and her!â He tried to explain. âBaby, I swear! Once I met you, everything changed. I cut her off and focused all my attention on you. Youâre the only who has my heart.â He grabbed your wrist only for you to pull away.
âClearly I ainât the only who whoâs got your dick, though.â You slam the closet door shut, turning your back towards him.
âDonât say that, y/n. Thatâs the first time Iâve seen her in years!â
âYeah? Well all your friends sure know about her. She mustâve been great in bed, Satoru. Me? Well, they looked at me like I was a fucking ghost!â You scoff. âLike I was some delusional bitch who came up to you and said I was your girlfriend!â You throw your hands up in disbelief. âYou must take me for fucking joke. It must be written on my forehead or something!â
âI donât take you for a joke! Youâre my goddamn girlfriend. You live with me. You have my initial around your fucking neck! I love you and you know that!â He takes a step towards you.
âDo I know that?â You ask aloud, cocking your head to the side.
âWhatâof course I love you. What the fuck are you saying?â He looked at you with pure confusion.
âYouâre a joke. One of your friends, Shoko, pulled me aside and told me the only reason you got with me is because your little fling ended up getting a boyfriend herself around the time we started dating. Youâre a piece of shit.â You revealed the truth to him, watching him stare at you blankly, lost for words. âThink I wouldnât find out?â You ripped off the necklace with his initial, tossing it at him.
âYes, I was upset that she got a boyfriend butââ
âSo you had feelings for her. And just to cover them up, you got with me as a distraction.â You step closer towards him. âListen to me, Satoru, donât ever try and contact me again, keep whatever fucking gifts you bought me and return them, sell them, do whatever because I am done,â you spoke through gritted teeth.
âNo, no, no, baby. You canât leave me. Yea I liked her before, but so fucking what? I was never in love with her, not like I am with you. I was too fucking stupid. I still am! Just give me another chance to fix this. I donât want us to end this way.â He grabs your packed bag from your hands and tosses it on the bed.
âLet me go, Satoru.â
âNo,â he shakes his head, âI canât. Youâre everything to me. Sheâs nothing compared to you.â He sniffles, holding your hands in his. âI love you so much and Iâm so sorry I didnât tell you the truth. Iâm sorry I embarrassed you. And Iâm sorry for entertaining the idea that she could even come close to you. She canât.â His hands cupped your face, his heart pounding in anticipation as he waited to hear any words from you.
You reached up, pulling his hands away from your face. âBye, Satoru.â You walked past him, grabbing your bag off of the bed. As much as it hurt to leave, you knew you had to respect yourself. Time and space was what you needed to think. With each step out the door, you could hear Gojoâs sobs, something youâve never heard before in the year youâve been with him. For the strong, flashily and confident man he is, you never once thought youâd see or him break down. Especially not for you.
#ââclassyrbf#jjk#jjk x reader#jujustu kaisen#gojo x reader#jjk angst#jjk x reader angst#gojo x reader angst#gojo angst#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader angst#gojo satoru angst#jjk angst oneshot#gojo angst oneshot#gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x y/n
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LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - EIGHT
pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy; abortion.
MASTERLIST
Topper prided himself in keeping out of peopleâs business.
He hadnât noticed anything was off with you on his own, he wouldnât have; he didnât do the whole âemotional radarâ thing.
But Rafe had practically cornered him, demanding he figure out what was going on with you.
You were his cousin, after all.Â
That didnât stop the way his stomach twisted from thinking about lying to you, or how every part of him had always silently rooted for you and Rafe. Heâd loved seeing you two together. You were a mess most days, for years, sure, but it was the kind of mess that made sense in a way, and Topper couldnât help but admire it.
You were like fire and gasoline.
But that was before the break-up, before everything got fucked.
Now, you were just⌠distant. He never knew how to approach you without feeling like he was crossing a line, but the way youâd passed out on Rafe at the beach had him worrying in a way that was more personal than he wanted to admit.
He wasnât a thinker, not really, he liked simple things: good waves, cold beer, and not getting roped into drama.
But there he was, standing outside your door with Korean fried chicken. He didnât do feelings, and he didnât do heavy conversations. Rafe owed him big for this. The conversation had been good, even when you started talking about Sarah and Ruthie.Â
Topper was all inâlaughing along, throwing in a dumb joke here and there, the usual. It felt nice, like when you were kids, sneaking your dadâs beers and pretending you werenât gonna get caught.
But then he had to go and ruin it by asking if you were okay.
You went all stiff, then weirdly far away, laughing it off like heâd just asked you to explain calculus or something. You mumbled something about being fine and then bolted to the bathroom before he could even follow up with his usual Topper-brand wisdom.
He sat there, feeling uncomfortable, which wasnât a thing he usually did. You were acting off, and it was messing with him more than he wanted to admit.
Finally, he decided he needed to move, so he got up to grab some water. Except, as he walked past the counter, his hip caught a pile of your mail, and an envelope went sliding to the floor.
âCrap,â he muttered, crouching to grab it. It was just some random envelope, but there was a phone number written on the front in messy blue ink.
Topper didnât think about itâbecause thinking wasnât really his strong suitâhe just whipped out his phone and typed it in. Curiosity, man. It got him every time.
He hit call. He wasnât trying to snoop or anything. It was just one of those things you do on autopilot, right? Call a number just to see who answers? Except this time, someone did answer.
The phone rang. Once. Twice. Then:
âWomenâs Health Center, how can I help you?â
His brain short-circuited, full-on panic mode. He stared at the phone like it had grown a second screen, then frantically hit the hang-up button just as the bathroom door creaked open.
You were back.
Topper, sweating for no reason, slapped the envelope back on the counter like it was about to explode and turned to you with a smile that definitely didnât match his pounding heart.
He got out of there as soon as possible, as he drove to meet Rafe, the whole thing was still playing on a loop in his head. That phone number, the voice on the other end of the line, the way youâd acted when heâd asked if you were okayâhe couldnât stop trying to force the pieces into place.
Something was going on, he wasn't sure what, and he wasnât exactly the guy you went to for deep insights, but he felt something was up.
When he pulled into Tanyhill, he spotted Rafe leaning against his truck, scrolling through his phone with that permanent scowl he seemed to have these days. He barely had the car in park before Rafe was pushing off the truck and heading his way.
He climbed out, doing his best to act normalâwhich, for him, meant cracking the same goofy grin he always did. His mind was still spinning with a dozen half-formed thoughts about that phone call, that clinic, and how the the fuck he might fit into all of it.Â
The only thing he knew for sure was that Rafe knowing could be catastrophic. Like, meteor-hits-earth catastrophic.
âYou gotta chill,â Topper said, slamming his car door shut and giving Rafe a once-over. âWhy do you look like youâre about to punch somebody?â
Rafe just glared, shoving his phone in his pocket. âWhatâd you find out?â
He blinked, thrown by how fast he cut to the point. âNice to see you, too. Second, what makes you think I found out anything?â
âDonât fuck with me, Top. Did you figure it out or not?â
âYeah, I figured it out,â Topper shot back, crossing his arms. âBut why the hell did you make me go through all this work if you already know whatâs going on?â
Rafe shrugged, leaning back against the truck like this was all just some casual conversation. âDidnât think youâd actually get it, to be honest.â
âBro, Iâm not that stupid. How did you get to the bottom of this shit? Iâm still confused as fuck over here.â
Rafeâs mouth twitched like he was deciding whether to smirk or yell, hesettled on neither. âShe passed out on me, remember?â
âSo?â Topper shot back, frowning. âIâve seen you pass out for, like, way less.â
âIt wasnât the same. It wasnât a hangover or heat stroke, it was different. And sheâs been weird lately, avoiding everyone.â Rafe leaned back against his truck, arms crossed, talking fast. âThe hospital did blood work.â
Topper, whoâd been zoning out halfway through his little doctor act, suddenly perked up.
âWow,â he mused, dragging the word out. âOkay. So, howâd you take the news? I mean, shit, you look pretty calm for once. Didnât think that was in your wheelhouse."
Rafe frowned, his sharp blue eyes narrowing, the crease between his brows deepening like it always did when he thought someone was wasting his time.Â
"The fuck are you talking about?â
Topper shrugged like this was totally normal. âI just expected you to, likeâŚfreak out or somethin'. Throw a punch, maybe.â
âThrow a punch about what?â Rafe snapped.
âAboutââ Topper paused, squinting at Rafe like he was trying to solve a puzzle. âWait. What are you supposed to do?â
Rafeâs hand twitched toward his jaw, fingers brushing over the stubble there, a telltale sign that he was gearing up to lose patience. He didnât wait for Topper to answer before shaking his head, the movement quick and irritated.Â
âDonât do that, man,â he added, pointing a finger âIâll help her figure it out. What else can I do?â
Topper tilted his head, genuinely impressed. âDamn. You really matured, huh? I mean, good for you.â
âTop, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?â Rafe demanded, his tone sharp now like he was finally catching on to the fact that they werenât on the same page.
Topper blinked, âIâm just saying youâre handling it better than I thought. Especially since sheâs notâuh, showing yet.â
âNot showing what?â
ââŚThe bump?â
He immediately realized heâd said the wrong thing, or maybe the right thing, but in the wrong tone, with the wrong level of context, andâokay, maybe he should just stop talking.Â
Abort mission, abort mission. Topper immediately wanted to crawl into a hole. Dude, shut up, shut up, shut up.
âWhat the fuck?â Rafeâs voice cracked; his eyes blazing as he stepped closer. âWhat bump?!â
His laugh fizzled out under Rafeâs glare, it was starting to feel less like âconcerned ex-boyfriendâ and more like âinterrogating cop.â He felt a bead of sweat slide down the back of his neck.Â
Cool. Stay cool.
âWait,â Topper held his hands up, trying to physically stop the situation from spiraling. âWhat do you think is wrong with her?â
His brain was spinning in a way it wasnât built for. He was a simple guyâhe liked clear problems and easy fixes. But this? This was a category-five disaster, and he was stuck right in the middle of it.
Rafe let out a sharp breath through his nose, dragging a hand through his hair, the small strands sticking up in every direction.
âI think sheâs got a fucking infection! Why the hell would I think sheâs pregnant?â
Topper hesitated, glancing toward the house like maybe Sarah or Wheezie might miraculously appear to save him. No such luck.
âWell fucking shit,â Topper blurted, the words tumbling out in a rush. His heart was pounding, and he was pretty sure heâd just signed his death warrant. âIâI didnât say sheâs pregnant, okay? I found this number, and it was for a womenâs health center, andâfuck, man, Iâm dead. Iâm so dead.â
Rafe grabbed him by the collar, yanking him close. âStart talking. Now.â
âI wasnât snooping, okay? It justâhappened. I wasnât trying to get in her business, butââ
âBut what?â Rafe barked. His other hand twitched at his side, curling into a fist before flexing out again, a warning of how close Topper was to eating pavement, but Rafe wasnât the one he feared right now.
You were going to kill him.
He could already picture the look on your face when you found outâthose cold, furious eyes, the way your voice would drop, he was officially dead meat. He gulped, his mouth dry as his brain scrambled for somethingâanythingâthat wouldnât get him killed or disowned.
âYou better explain what the fuck you mean by âhappened,ââ Rafe growled, his grip tightening, giving Topperâs collar a shake, just enough to make his point clear.
Topper was done, leaving nothing but pure panic and the faint, distant sound of his voice saying things he definitely shouldnât.Â
âI called the number!â Topper yelped. âI didnât even mean to, it wasâdude, sheâs gonna kill me, and I mean that literally. She will.â
âNot if I kill you first,â Rafe shoved him back, his grip finally loosening, his face unreadable now, which was somehow worse than when heâd looked ready to punch him. âYouâre telling me you think sheâs pregnant? And you didnât remember to tell me sooner?â
âI didnât!â Topper said quickly, panic bubbling over. âItâs not like sheâs gonna tell me this kind of stuff.â
âDid she say anything to you? Anything about seeing a doctor or being sick?â
Topper shook his head so fast it made him dizzy. âI asked if she was okay, but she just brushed it off and changed the subject.â
The silence that followed was thick and suffocating, both of them staring each other down.
âNo, no way. Sheâs probably⌠I donât fucking know, changing her pill or something.â
Topper raised an eyebrow. âChanging her pill?â
âYeah,â Rafe said quickly, âOrâwhat else do they do there? Those check-up things. Maybe sheâs getting one of those.â
âUh-huh,â Topper replied, not convinced but also not dumb enough to call him out on it outright. âSure. Just a⌠routine check-up?â
âExactly,â Rafe agreed a little too loud, his tone almost defensive as he started circling again, his hands gesturing wildly. âThey donât just deal with⌠y'know. They do all kinds of shit. Tests, prescriptions, all that stuff. It doesnât mean anything.â
Topper scratched the back of his neck, his expression caught between agreement and unease. âI mean, yeah, they do other stuff⌠but donât you thinkââ
âI donât think anything, thereâs nothing to think about. Sheâs fine. Sheâsâsheâs fine.â He stopped pacing, standing rigid with his hands on his hips, glaring at the ground like it had personally offended him.
âOkay,â Topper started, his tone cautious. âI get that you donât want to jump to conclusions, butââ
âIâm not jumping to conclusions!â Rafe barked, spinning around âYouâre the one making it into something itâs not! Sheâs notâshe wouldnâtâshe hasnât told me anything,â He muttered finally, âAnd if sheâs hiding this⌠from meâŚâ
Heâd never seen Rafe like thisâangry, yeah, but there was something else there, either way, it wasnât good. His glare burned into him, but for the first time, there was hesitation behind it. He wasnât just madâhe was scared. Topper couldnât decide if that made him feel better or worse.Â
âHoly shit,â Rafe muttered, gripping the side of his truck for balance. His vision going fuzzy as his heart raced like heâd just sprinted a mile. âHoly shit, what ifâwhat if she is?â
âDude, breathe,â Topper said, stepping closer cautiously like Rafe was a live grenade. âYou donât evenââ
âEven ifâifâshe was, how the hell would that evenââ He cut himself off, his face twisting like he couldnât decide whether to finish the thought or abandon it entirely.
Topper didnât need him to finish, he understood exactly what Rafe was thinking. The timeline, the breakup, the way everything had gone down between you.
Rafeâs breath hitched as he let go of the truck and paced a few steps, his hands on his hips, muttering under his breath. âNo. No way. Itâs notâsheâd tell me, right? Sheâd fucking tell me.â
Images started flashing through his mind in rapid succession, each one more ridiculous and unhinged than the last. You, standing in some clinic, staring at a test with a blank expression. You, trying to figure out how to tell Rafe.
You, holding a babyâRafeâs babyâin your arms.
âThis doesnât make any sense. We were careful. Sheâs just stressed, girls go through shit. Hormones or whatever. Right?â
âYouâre asking me? I barely passed bio. Iâm not exactly a walking textbook onââ He stopped himself, seeing the look on Rafeâs face. âI donât know whatâs going on with her, okay? But if this is what I think it is, you gotta handle it right. Donât screw it up more than it already is.â
âAnd if I donât handle it right?â
Topper forced a shaky grin, even as his stomach twisted in knots.
âThen I guess Iâll see you in hell, man. Because sheâs gonna kill us both.â
Rafeâs hands went to his hips, his thumb brushing the edge of his pocket as he stared past Topper, he was trying to work out an equation that wasnât adding up.
âShe hasnât said a word to me,â Rafe muttered, âNot at the hospital, not since. And you thinkâŚâ He trailed off, dragging a hand over his face.Â
Topper shifted on his feet, resisting the urge to bolt to the other side of the world.
âIÂ guess, but I swear, it wasnât on purpose.â
Rafe shot him a look, his brows knitting together, and Topper felt like he was under a microscope. âYou called a random number. How does that âjust happenâ?â
He huffed, throwing his hands up. âI was grabbing some water, and her mail fell, and there was this numberâI didnât think! I just⌠acted.â He groaned, his head falling back as he stared at the sky. âI didnât mean to put two and two together, but what was I supposed to do? Youâre the one who made me go digging in the first place!â
âYou really think thatâs whatâs going on?â Rafe asked finally, his voice quieter.
âYou said sheâs acting weird, and then there was that number, andâŚâ He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck.Â
âDo you even understand what this means? If sheâsâif thereâs aââ He broke off, âIâd have toâJesus Christ, what would I even do? Iâm notâGod.â
His hands gripped the edge of the truck bed so hard his knuckles turned white, the veins in his arms standing out as he glared at the ground like it had personally offended him.
âIf she didnât tell meââ His voice was low, quiet in a way that made Topper wince because he knew what came next.
âMaybe just... ask her?â
 âAsk her?â he repeated, his voice disbelieving.
âYeah, you know,â Topper said, gesturing vaguely. âTalk to her? Maybe find out whatâs going on instead of losing your shit over worst-case scenarios?â
Rafe shook his head, âNo. If she wanted me to know, sheâd tell me. Sheâs... sheâs dealing with her own stuff. Itâs not my place to push.â
 âSince when do you not push?â
âSince now,â Rafe snapped, though even he didnât sound convinced.
âRafeââ
âNo, seriously,â Rafe interrupted, his voice rising now, the tight restraint unraveling with every word. âIf sheâsâif sheâs going through this, if sheâs pregnant, and she didnât tell me?â He let out a bitter chuckle, âWhat the fuck does that say? About me.â
Topper opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it again. This felt like a minefield, and if anyone was good at stepping on the wrong spot, it was him.
Rafe pushed off the truck, he couldnât physically stay still. His eyes were burning as he raked a hand through his buzzed hair.
âI wasâfuck. She thinks what? That I wouldnât show up for this. She didnât tell me because she doesnât think I deserve to know.â
âThatâs not true,â Topper said quickly, stepping closer, but Rafeâs empty laugh stopped him.
âIsnât it?â Rafeâs voice was hollow now, all the fire drained out of him, turning his head slightly, just enough for Topper to see his throat working as he swallowed hard. âWhat the hell have I ever done to make her think Iâd be there? That Iâdââ He broke off. âShit. I wouldnât blame her. I can't even fucking blame her.â
âYou still care about her, right?â Topper pressed, knowing he didnât have to ask to know the answer.
Rafeâs head snapped up, âSheâs the only thing Iâve ever cared about.â
He nodded slowly, âThen prove it.â
The envelope sat exactly where youâd left it, the faintest corner of folded. You froze for a second, your pulse quickening.
No. No way.
It was fine. Fine.
The number wasnât even labeledâjust digits scrawled hastily, you hadnât touched it in days. Still, you couldnât stop the tiny seed of panic attaching itself to your chest. There was absolutely no way Topper couldâve seen it, let alone put two and two together.
You exhaled slowly, placing it back on the counter.
He didnât see it. He couldnât have seen it.
Then why had he acted so⌠off? The pale face, the sudden excuse, the jittery energyâit was all so unlike him.
You shook your head, trying to push the thought away, a million things couldâve set him off.Â
Maybe Ruthie had texted him something awful, or maybe heâd remembered he had to pick up his dry cleaning before the shop closed. Knowing Topper, it was probably something stupid and unrelated to you entirely.
Still, the nagging lingered as you cleaned up the counter and threw away the napkins. You glanced at the envelope one last time, then slid it into a drawer and shut it firmly. Whatever was going on with your cousin, it couldnât have anything to do with that. It was impossible. And yetâŚ
You sighed, rubbing your temples.Â
âPregnancy brain,â you muttered to yourself. âMaking me paranoid over nothing.â
Of course that didnât stop your heart from jumping every time the drawer creaked, or when you saw anything even remotely similar to that envelopeâs color lying around the house for the entire night. Not that heâd ask, of courseâTopper wasnât the confrontational type, especially not with you. But he noticed things. And when he noticed, he worried.
The next morning you sank onto the couch, hugging a pillow to your chest. Topper was close, but he wasnât like Sarah. She had been able to look you in the eye and say, You know Iâm here, right? and mean it without any strings attached. Topper, thoughâŚ
Your fingers itched toward your phone, even though it was stupid to call her so early over this. Still, you needed someone to remind you that you werenât losing it, that Topperâs weirdness had nothing to do with anything serious.
Before you could talk yourself out of it, you found Sarahâs number, pressing the call button. She picked up on the second ring, âHey, whatâs wrong?â
You could picture her, sitting in her car or probably stretched out somewhere in Poguelandia with her feet propped up on a table, looking concerned.
âNothingâs wrong. I justâŚâ You trailed off, fiddling with the edge of a pillow.Â
âTopperâs been acting strange. And I think Iâm just overthinking it, but itâs making me crazy.â
She made a sound between a hum and a laugh. âSo the Topper panic spiral. Thatâs what weâre dealing with?â
âBasically,â you muttered, trying to keep your tone light. âBut this time⌠He was here last night, and I thought he saw this random piece of paper I had with, you know. A number on it.â You took a shaky breath, embarrassed for how paranoid you sounded. âBut he couldnât have, right? I mean, it was buried under five other things.â
âOkay,â Sarah said slowly, clearly choosing her words. âFirst, letâs just say that if he did see anything, which he probably didnât, he wouldnât assume the worst. Heâs your cousin; he knows you donât tell him everything, and he respects that. Right?â
âYeah⌠I guess.â You chewed your lip, feeling a little stupid for even calling her.  âBut what if he does put it together, Sarah? I donât know if Iâm ready for that.â
âHe wonât,â she reassured, like she could see right through your anxiety. âAnd you donât need to feel bad for wanting to keep this private. Youâre allowed to handle it however you need to. Youâre not doing anything wrong.â
You exhaled, the knot in your chest loosening a little. She always knew how to talk you down, "Okay,â you murmured, and a shaky laugh slipped out. âMaybe I'm being paranoid.â
âPregnancy brain,â she teased, and you couldnât help but smile.
You hung up feeling marginally better.
Sarah had a way of calming you down, but the uneasiness stayed with you, the way it always did when you couldnât fully explain something.
But the relief was fleeting, by lunchtime, the nagging voice in your head was back. Topper wasnât malicious, but he did have a habit of talking without thinking, and the last thing you needed was for this to get out before you were ready. Not only was this a huge scandal, but it was your business.
You busied yourself with small tasksâfolding laundry, wiping down the counters, pretending that everything was fine. It wasnât until almost noon that your phone rang. The hospitalâs number flashed on the screen, and your stomach dropped.
âHello?â
âHi, is this Miss Thornton?â the voice on the other end asked politely, too polite for comfort.
âThis is she."
âThis is Linda from the hospital. Iâm calling about your recent bloodwork. We had a bit of an issue with our system, and unfortunately, there was a delay in getting back to you. We also lost some patient information temporarilyââ
âWait, what?â you interrupted, not liking where this was going, âWhat do you mean you lost information?â
âOh, nothing to worry about,â Linda said quickly, as if that would make you feel better. âWe managed to recover most of it, but in the meantime, we had to rely on emergency contact information to reach out. Dr. Harris called yours last night.â
Your breath caught. âCalled... my emergency contact?â
âYes.â
âSarah Cameron? She didnât tell me someone called.â
âSheâs not listed as your emergency contact in our system, Rafe Cameron is. It might be an older record?â
Fuck.
Your heart was in your throat. âWhat... what did he tell him?â
âHe only left a generic message asking for you to follow up about your bloodwork. Nothing specific.â
âNothing specific,â you repeated, more to yourself than to her. Relief and panic warred within you. If Rafe knew, heâd already be there, the night before, demanding answers. Right?
âWe need you to come back in. Itâs possible you may have an infection, and we need to run a few more tests.â
You didnât even hear the rest of her explanation.
Your fingers felt numb as you mumbled something that vaguely resembled agreement and hung up.
Infection, that was what sheâd said. That was all it was. Not⌠not anything else. If it were anything else, they wouldnât have just calledâtheyâd have told Rafe.
âStop,â you muttered aloud, shaking your head. âStop spiraling.â
But your brain wouldnât listen.
âGeneric message,â Linda had said, but did it sound generic? What did he think when he got it? Had he laughed it off, or was he running his stupid pristine bedroom, piecing together clues you hadnât even realized youâd left?
You didnât want to text Sarah again.
You could imagine her smirking, âI told you, heâs not going to magically grow psychic overnight.â Yeah, sure, but this was Rafe.
He didnât need magic. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to focus on Sarahâs voice in your head. âYouâre not doing anything wrong.â
Except it didnât feel like that. You hadnât thought about Rafe as your emergency contact in months, hadnât needed to.Â
You sank into the couch, hugging your knees to your chest.
âThis is so stupid,â you muttered, but your voice didnât make it feel any less real. You werenât even sure what you were spiraling over anymore. The envelope? The hospital? The baby?
âOkay,â you said out loud. âOkay, itâs fine. Everythingâs fine.â
The sound of your voice didnât even convince you. Your brain wouldnât stop jumping from one thing to the next, spinning every scenario you didnât want to think about.Â
What if he did know? If that was enough to set him off, to make him call someone, pull some strings...Shit, what if he did show up, and you had to explain why you were dodging everyone and keeping things from him andâstop.Â
Stop.Â
You were doing it again. The spiraling. The pregnancy brain Sarah teased you about like it was some sort of cute quirk, but wasnât cute.
You sat up straight, squeezing the couch pillow so hard you thought it might burst. Breathe. Just breathe, youâd made it this far without imploding.
You glanced toward the drawer again, the one with the envelope. You shouldâve burned it, shredded it first. No, you had to keep itâjust in case. But just in case of what? Just in case you needed more reasons to feel like a lunatic.
Oh my god. What if Topper saw the stupid number, and then Rafe got the hospital call, and thenâbamâsuddenly, they had the whole damn thing figured out?
You could feel it alreadyâthe panic. You liked to think they were both too stupid for their own good, but they were also observant. Rafe, that bastard always knew how to put things together faster than anyone.Â
What ifâwhat if itâs that simple for them? What if they both saw it, and then they were just sitting there, having some stupid-ass conversation, connecting dots you didnât even realize were dots?
No. Stop. Stop thinking like that.
You were getting carried away, jumping to conclusions like some manic soap opera character. You werenât that girl. Not really. But the thought of them talkingâTopper with his concern and Rafe with his overbearing intensity.
Your fingers tapped a frantic rhythm against the pillow. The idea of him figuring it out? Oh, that made your skin crawl. Not because heâd be cruelâno, that wasnât his style. Heâd just be soâŚÂ himself.
Overwhelming, determined to âfixâ things for you, even when you didnât ask for it.Â
You groaned, dropping the pillow and standing abruptly, like the movement might kill the growing dread. No, you told yourself firmly.
You werenât spiraling over things that hadnât even happened yet.
But the voice in your head, the one that always sounded a little too much like Rafe, had other plans:Â What if itâs already too late?
You paced the living room, arms crossed tightly over your chest. This was ridiculous, you were ridiculous. Nothing had happened, nothing was going to happen. The number wasnât even that suspicious, it couldâve been anything.
You groaned again, flopping onto the couch like the dramatic mess you were currently embodying. Rafe had probably gotten the hospital call, rolled his eyes without a second thought, too busy with his new precious life.
Your stomach churned, and you pressed your hands against it instinctively. It wasnât showing yetâthank godâbut you couldnât help the way your mind spiraled back to it, to all the ways this could go wrong.
You grabbed your car keys without thinking, maybe it would clear your head. A driveâthatâs what you needed. Get out of the house, and put some distance between you and the stupid envelope, the phone calls, all of it. You turned the knob, yanked the door openâ
âand froze.
Rafeâs hand was raised mid-air, clearly about to knock. You didnât even try to hide the way your breath hitched.Â
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Standing there on the porch like he hadnât just derailed your entire plan. As if it was still perfectly normal for him to show up unannounced, one hand shoved into his pocket and the other gripping his phone, his head tilted in a maddeningly familiar way.
His hand hovered uncertainly on the doorframe as you stepped back, your arms folding protectively over your chest. He didnât push past you, didnât move his weight forwardâjust stood there.
He glanced down at the spare key still in his hand, turning it over like he was considering whether he even had the right to use it. âThey called me last night.â
Okay, he was just here because of the hospital, a coincidence, thatâs all it was.
âAnd? You couldâve ignored it.â
His hand flexed at his side like he didnât know what to do with it. âI thought something might be wrong.â
âItâs not.â Your voice was clipped, cold. âThey called the wrong number. End of story.â
He didnât rise to the bait.
âI thoughtââ He cut himself off, exhaling sharply. âI thought you were sick.â
âLike I said, it was a mix-up.â
His jaw ticked. That tiny muscle in his cheek twitched, the one that always flared when he was suspicious.
âFunny, they didnât sound mixed up when they said your name,â he drawled, his tone probing. âWanna try again?â
âMind your fucking business,â Your voice was defensive, and you hated the crackle of guilt in your chest when he flinched. âI donât need you to pretend to care. Why are you even here?â you snapped, taking a step back. The space between you felt vulnerable. âDonât you have someone else to worry about?"
You felt cornered with every second he stood there.
âWe need to talk.â
Maybe if you acted calm, like nothing was wrong, heâd stop looking at you like that. Vulnerability wasnât something you were good at, heâd already taken too much. He always took too much.
âI donât owe you shit. Not explanations, not answers, nothing. Leave.â
He didnât. Of course, he didnât.
Rafe didnât know how to let shit go, not when it came to you, he didnât back away.
âYouâre right,â he said, surprising you. âYou donât, but Iâm not leaving until we talk.â
The way he said, it wasnât even a threat. It was worse than that. It was calm, resolute, like heâd already decided, and nothing you said or did could change it.Â
That scared you more than anything.
âThereâs nothing to talk about,â you hissed, âWhatever you think you know, you donât.â
He arched an eyebrow, his eyes flicking to the edge of the couch where your phone still sat, âYou sure about that?â
âGod, youâre always like this. Always overstepping, always assumingââ
âIÂ know."
All the noise in your headâyour spiraling thoughts, your excuses, your endless denialsâwent silent, except for the way your heart thudded in your chest, so fast, it hurt. He hadnât raised his voice, but those two words hit you like a kick to your chest.
No, he couldnâtâhe didnât, he was bluffing, he had to be. Air caught in your throat, and for a moment, you thought you might choke on it. He didnât move, didnât repeat himself. He couldnât know.
Your tongue went dry.Â
âWhat are you talking about?â You couldnât breathe. It felt like someone was squeezing your chest. You shook your head again, more violently this time, stepping back, âYou donât know shit.â
âI think I do.â His voice was quiet, and that made it worse, it wasnât cold or angry; it wasnât even accusing. He didnât sound like he wanted to be right, he just sounded tired.
You prayed to come up with somethingâanythingâto deflect, to deny, to keep the truth buried where it belonged.Â
âYouâre delusional,â you took another step back, putting more space between you and the man who had always known you too well.
He just shook his head, âYou donât have to lie to me, youâre scared, youâre not even trying to hide it.â
It was the way he stared with those stupid blue eyes, he was peeling back your layers. He always did that, made you feel like he could see something in you that you werenât ready to acknowledge.
âOh, fuck off.â You threw your hands up. âYou donât know shit about what Iâm feeling. Youâve got no right toâIâm not lying.â
It still hurt how much you missed him, hurt to even look at him.
âDonât pull this cryptic bullshit with me, if youâve got something to say, say it.â
âYouâre pregnant, arenât you?â
The thing youâd been running from, denying, hiding, you simply stared at him, trying to decide if there was any way to lie your way out of this.
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?â You tried to laugh, but it came out strangled, desperate. âT-Thatâs insane. Youâve lost your mind.â
Rafe wasnât gloating or triumphantâhe just looked⌠resigned, heâd pieced it together before he showed up.
âDonât do that. Donât lie to me, not about this.â
You wanted to scream, to shove him, to do anything that would make him stop looking at you like he cared. Like he knew you. Because if you stopped long enough to think about it, you knew it was over.
Heâd already seen it.
âI mean it, Rafe.â Your hand tightened on the door, nails digging into the wood. âGet the fuck out of my house.â
God, this was so fucked. You wanted him gone, but wanted him here, needed him to leave you alone, but at the same time, you hated that he could just leave.
âTell me Iâm wrong.��
You thought about what heâd do if he knewâreally knew. Not just the vague sense he had now, but the details. Would he try to stop you?Â
Your lip quivered, and you hated yourself for it. âYouâre wrong.â
You stared at him, at the way his shoulders hunched slightly, his usual confidence worn down. You hated him for being calm for once in his fucking life, for being here, for not letting this slide when it was none of his fucking business.
âAm I?â
Your hands clenched tighter, nails biting into your palms. âWhy? Why do you even care? Itâs not like youââ
âBecause itâs mine.â
Your breath hitched again, and this time, you couldnât hide it. You wanted to deny it, to throw somethingâhell, anythingâback at him to make him shut the fuck up. But your throat felt like it had shut off entirely, and your mind had gone blank.
âIââ you stammered, shaking your head violently, âNo. You donât know what youâre talking about. Youâreââ
âHey, hey, justâjust stop,â he said, his voice careful, as if he was trying not to spook you. âIâm notâJesus, Iâm not here to fight with you, okay? Iâm not here to make this harder.â
Your chest heaved, a bitter laugh escaping before you could stop it. He was too lateâlate to care, late to help, late to fix anything. Five days, thatâs all you had to get through.
Five days until you didnât have to think about it anymore.Â
This is the right choice, you told yourself for the hundredth time. You couldnât bring a baby into this mess.
âYouâre doing a hell of a job at that.â
âI just want to help. If you let meââ
âNo,â you interrupted, grabbing the edge of the door. âIâm fixing it.â
âFixingâ?â Rafeâs brow furrowed, his confusion almost comical He started to step forward, but you stopped him with a resentful glare that made him stop. âWhat does that even mean?â
âIt means you can take your fake concern and shove it up your ass.â
His brow furrowed. âItâs not fakeââ His face twisted in confusion, mouth opening like he was about to argue, but you didnât give him the chance, slamming the door in his face, so hard the frame rattled.
âOf course. Of course, itâs mine,â you muttered to yourself, mocking his stupid, self-righteous tone.
You leaned back against the door, sliding to the floor, arms crossed over your knees as your brain whirred like it was trying to kill you.
It wasnât like you had a choice.
Technically, you did, but what were you supposed to do? Keep it and become a tragic sob story? The words almost felt like youâd ripped them out of someone elseâs mouth, right or wrong didnât even matter anymore. There wasnât space in your life for thisâfor him, for a baby, for any of it.
A muffled knock sounded from the front doorâtentative, like he was giving you a moment.
âGo away,â you yelled, your voice hoarse.
âOpen the door.â
Your thoughts taunted you with memories and possibilities you didnât want to entertain. The way Rafe had looked at youâlike he knewâit was unbearable.
How had he put it together? Maybe you'd slip up in tiny ways, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow. You hated yourself for being so careless, despised him even more for being so fucking relentless.
You wiped your cheeks roughly, not realizing youâd started crying until your sleeve came back damp.
âPlease, just open the door. We can talkâjust talk, okay?
âNo,â you muttered to the empty room. âNo, Iâm not doing this.â
You squeezed your eyes shut, leaning your head back against the door and pressing your hands over your ears to block him out.Â
âDonât shut me out like this,â he begged. âI canâtâfuck, I canât stand it when you do this. Just open the door. Five minutes, thatâs all Iâm asking.â
He had a key. If he wanted to, he could let himself in at any moment, but he didnât, that wasnât the Rafe you were used to.
Before, he'd have barged right in, shouted until your ears bled, and demanded answers. He wouldâve tried to fix it or destroy it, maybe both.Â
You hated that he still acted like he cared, that he was trying to be so fucking reasonable now, when just a few months ago, he wouldâve lost it, broken through any barrier to get what he wanted.
This was worse, this Rafe was wearing you down.
Another hushed plea made it through the door, but all you could think was how thin the wood felt, how it barely drowned the sound of his voice. A new door might be better, something heavier, more solid, that could drown out everythingâthe desperation, the crack in his voice.
Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes, and you bit hard on the inside of your cheek to keep them from falling.Â
âI know youâre scared,â he continued, âAnd I know you think Iâll screw this upâGod knows I probably will. But please donât keep me in the dark. Just tell me whatâs going on.â
You pictured flipping through hardware store catalogs, weighing your options: oak? steel? soundproofing foam?
âPlease,â Rafe whispered, and the rawness in his voice scraped against you like nails on a chalkboard. You tilted your head back against the door, willing yourself not to cry again.Â
Steel doors donât warp as easily as wood.
You swallowed hard, your body aching as you fought the sob threatening to escape. He didnât deserve thisâdidnât deserve to sound so wrecked over you. He'd done this to himself.
Your fingers twitched against the door handle, the temptation to open it curling around you, but instead, you thought about bolts.
Deadbolts, a second lock could work, something he couldnât get through even if he had the key.
His voice wavered again, you thought he might start crying, too, yet all you did was glance at the base of the door. A better seal would muffle the noise more. Maybe weatherstripping? That could help.
You pressed your hands tighter over your ears, as though it would help. It didnât. Nothing wouldânot until you replaced the lock, the door, the memory of him standing there and breaking himself open for you.
God, you really needed a new doorâand a new heart.
One that didnât twist at the sound of his voice, that didnât flinch every time he called your name like it was a prayer. A heart that didnât feel for him, you told yourself, over and over, like a mantra. If you could just stop the way your chest tightened at his pleas, stop the ache in your ribs when he said he couldnât let this go.
You wanted steel walls, that could keep everything outâhis voice, his touch, the memories of all the good parts of him that had kept you hanging on for so long. Because of this heart? It was useless, too soft, too easily swayed, still willing to believe him, even when you knew better.
âPlease, just talk to me,â Rafe begged. You bit your lip hard enough to taste blood.
You couldnât help but wonder if this calmness came from Sofia.
Perhaps she was the reason heâd changed, maybe she had somehow made him different, had softened the sharp edges of the guy you used to know. She was calm, collectedânothing like you. It hurt like a bitch, the thought that someone else could make him this patient. You wondered if sheâd taught him how to handle his emotions, how to be this wayâheâd learned some secret he never bothered to share with you.
You couldn't let yourself go there, couldn't let the bitterness of that thought settle in your mind for too long.
âTalk to me.â
No. Not this time.
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Hi Jade! Can I request Spencer and Nurse!reader? Maybe they meet when heâs wounded/sheâs patching him up?
(Yes Iâm a nursing student I promise we arenât all mean girls đ)
ty for requesting!! ik ur not all mean of course!!<3 âyou meet the cutest FBI agent ever and tend his wounds. fem, 1.5k
One of the small pleasures of your job is when the patients are cute. Not many people come through as handsome as this one. Youâre professional nonetheless.Â
âWhat am I seeing you for today?â you ask, holding your hands behind your back.Â
Your patient, charted as a Dr. Spencer Walter Reid, twenty nine years old, gives you a tentative smile. âSomeone hit me really hard.âÂ
You can see the bruise forming against his temple. âYes, Iâd say so. Did you know the assailant?âÂ
âNo, but itâs handled.â His smile turns to a grimace. âUh, I get these, like, debilitating migraines, and I feel like I have one coming on.â
âA head injury could trigger that,â you agree, holding your hands out in front of you, little torch in hand. âCan I have a look?â you ask softly.Â
When youâve been a nurse for some time, you start to categorise people into boxes. All kinds of boxes for different things, but Spencer Reid gets a tick for a few things straight away: shy, pretty, and sensitive to touch. He must not get touched much, or heâs had a bad experience with strangers. He did just get hit in the head, you allow, brushing a sweet, mousy curl away from his head and holding it out of the way as you shine a light into each of his eyes. He flinches hard, but his pupils react as expected.Â
Whoever hit him managed to break the skin, upon closer infection of the injury. The skin has turned purple at the edges of his cut. Itâll be a big bruise in just a few hours.Â
âSpencer, please tell me if I hurt you, honey,â you say, voice still soft. If heâs got a migraine coming, he wonât want your usual overloud distinction.Â
âItâs okay. It hurts, but not more or less when you poke it.âÂ
âYou have a laceration, yeah? Itâs about three centimetres long, but deep. I can close it with a butterfly stitch, if youâre okay with that.âÂ
âYeah, please. Um, about the migraineââ
âDo you want a tramadol, honey? I think you deserve one.âÂ
âI canât have narcotics.âÂ
You pull back and straighten the hair youâd displaced. âThatâs okay, it just means you canât have the strongest stuff. Most people try to avoid them anyhow. How about tylenol, would that be alright? Or do you avoid painkillers in general?âÂ
âTylenol is fine as long as it doesnât have the codeine with it.âÂ
You give him a gentle nod. âIâll make sure itâs the right one. You can even see the bottle, if you like. Would you want them before or after the stitch?â He probably knows, but you add, âItâs not a real stitch. But it might feel tender when Iâm poking around.âÂ
âAnything. Whatever you want to do first.âÂ
His eyes squeeze closed. You give him a frown he canât see, and rest your hand on his arm. âIs there someone here with you?â you ask him.
âMy friend is coming, I think. There was a lot going on.âÂ
âThatâs okay. Iâm not sending you home until Iâve fixed you, Dr. Reid.âÂ
He smiles, even with his eyes closed, but doesnât say anything more. You wash your hands and find your bandages. A butterfly bandage, a sterile wipe, and a square piece of gauze to cover it cleanly. His eyes are opening again when you return, ushering him gently down the bed so you can sit on his right side near the injury.Â
âWhat do you do for work?â you ask him.Â
âI work for the FBI.âÂ
âYou do?â You tear open the sterile wipe and again pull the curls from his forehead. âThis might sting. Please tell me if it hurts too much.âÂ
âItâs not the cut that hurts.âÂ
âIâm sorry,â you say sympathetically. Migraines are a tricky business. If heâs already having one, you probably canât do much to get rid of it, but that doesnât mean pain relief wonât help. âIâll do this as quickly as I can.âÂ
Heâs quiet. You wipe around the laceration with careful, concise movements. The cut looks clean enough when youâre done, and itâs so small you wonât irrigate it.Â
âAre you an agent?â you ask.Â
âYeah. Special supervisory with the BAU. The, uh, behavioural analysis unit.âÂ
âOh, I know,â you say, putting the wrapping and the dirtied wipe into your cardboard bowl. âI think Iâve seen it on TV sometimes, you guys can track the serial killers and stuff?âÂ
âMostly that, yeah. Uh, sometimes we find trafficking rings or missing kids. Sometimes we manage hostage situations. It depends on the level of the crisis.âÂ
âSo youâre the big gun.âÂ
âI guess so. Iâm not actually good with a gun.âÂ
âNo one has to be good with a gun to change the world.â You pull the butterfly stitch from the packaging and pick at a finicky end. âI hate guns.âÂ
He sighs. âI do, too.âÂ
âThey make my job hard. Itâs not nice, seeing what they can do to people. Itâs awful, really. Spencer, Iâm so sorry, honey, Iâm just gonna put this on here, it might feel uncomfortable as I pull the sides together.âÂ
âItâs okay.âÂ
You pull the plastic of the butterfly stitch on both sides, cinching his cut together promptly. It looks better now you canât see the inside.Â
âIâm gonna cover this with the dressing now. You donât have to keep it on if you donât want to, itâs a pretty small cut, it was just deep. Iâd recommend you try to keep it dry for two days, really, you should keep it covered, but itâs up to you. And if anything happens, if it gets infected, you can always come see me again.âÂ
Youâre mildly flirting, then. Just because heâs nice and shy. It might be a little cruel of you to proposition a man when heâs roughed up, though.Â
Spencer, luckily, understands that youâre not trying to harass him. âThank you.âÂ
You stand, peeling the plastic from the bandaid and exposing the sticky backing. Slowly, you stroke his hair back from the wound and line the bandaid up. He shivers under your nails.Â
âSo sorry,â you say, laughing under your breath, âitâs my nails, huh?âÂ
âItâs okay.âÂ
âYouâre a great patient, Spencer. Iâd give you a sticker if I could, Iâm not kidding.âÂ
âYouâre a great nurse.âÂ
âThank you.â You smooth the edges of the bandaid down for good measure and step away from him to assess him. âHowâs that migraine?âÂ
âGetting worse.âÂ
âYou have them often, you said? Treated or untreated?âÂ
âPsychosomatic, apparently.âÂ
âOh, honey, Iâm sorry. Has your doctor talked to you about CBT?âÂ
âSome. I donât really⌠want it,â he says awkwardly.Â
âThatâs okay. If itâs psychosomatic as they believe, it might get better with time. Howâs the stress in your life?â
âStressful.âÂ
âIt must be hard, the FBI, everything. Life is hard enough. Stopping serial killers must weigh on your heart.â You smile carefully. âWas there anything else you wanted to bring to my attention? Any other injury, anything that needs urgent care?âÂ
âI was mostly worried I had a concussion.âÂ
âIt doesnât seem like it. Youâre not nauseous, are you?âÂ
âNo, I donât think so.âÂ
He gets this awful, sad look on his face, it really isnât nice to see. People come in by themselves all the time but it never gets easier to handle.Â
âAre you alright?â you ask, taking his arm into your hand.Â
âIâm fine.âÂ
He had the look of someone whoâs always fine. Luckily for him, itâs your job to take care of people, to make sure theyâre more than fine. âOkay. Iâm gonna get you something warm to drink. Do you like donuts?âÂ
âUhââ
âIâm getting a feeling about you. Chocolate frosting, I bet.âÂ
He smiles, startled and pleased at once. âYeah.âÂ
âOkay, Iâm gonna get those for you. A drink, a donut, and some much needed Tylenol. You can lay down if you like.âÂ
He nods but doesnât move.Â
As youâre leaving the room, you cross paths with a handsome man with dark skin and a bright smile. Must be something in the air today, you think.Â
âReid, you okay?â you hear him say.Â
âFine.âÂ
âYouâre pink.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âYouâre blushing. Oh, you had the pretty nurse, didnât you?âÂ
âShut up,â Spencer whispers sharply.Â
âYou can ask for her number.âÂ
âNo I canât, sheâs working.âÂ
âBut you want to,â his friend surmises.Â
You bite down a smile, giving your head a shake as you go. You need to get a move on. Spencer needs a hot drink, a donut, Tylenol, and a pen. It should be okay if youâre both feeling up to it, right?
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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Giving up
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: Coaxing your neighbor into having sex with you although he's unsure since he's much, much older than you
Warnings: big ass unspecified age-gap, Jackson!Joel is a softie Smut| unprotected piv, crempie, insicure!joel, sub!joel, also my man has trouble lasting cause he's not done this in a very long time.
a/n:i needed to write some cheesy romantic stuff, and maybe it doesn't really make all that sense in this story and maybe i cried while writing this cause no one is ever gonna love me like this but so what bitch leave me alone (i also am i lil tipsy as i proofread this, so ignore any mistakes pls)
Part 1
"did you do something to your hair?"
Tommy was standing on Joel's doorstep, looking at him as if he were an alien.
"I washed 'em" he grumbled, "what do you want?"
His brother couldn't help but huff out a laugh
"someone's in a good mood today"
"I've gotta be somewhere, just tell me what you want"
Tommy's interest was only piqued more.
there stood his brother, his clothes perfectly clean- maybe even ironed- his hair... styled, his beard trimmed...
something was definitely going on.
"Where are you going?"
Joel rolled his eyes now, shooting his little brother a death glare
"none of your business"
Oh he knew what was going on...
"Who is she?"
"Tommy-"
"Is it Jessica? I bet 's Jessica, she's always flirting with you you ol' dog-"
Joel swore he was gonna punch him- he was already running late because of how long he took to pick his clothes- finding a flannel that wasn't completely worn out turned out to be real fucking hard.
He felt stupid for how much effort he'd put into getting ready, he felt stupid for how anxious he was, but most of all... he wanted his brother to go away.
"There ain't no one, Tommy- now, if there ain't anything you need, please go-"
But just then- just when he was finally going to get rid of him, your sweet, soft voice made its way to his ears.
"Hi Joel! Hi Tommy!" You smiled from your porch, waving your hand at him and his brother "You didn't forget about today, did you Joel?"
What in the actual fuck?
Tommy did a double-check, looking between you and his brother, and when he finally confirmed that it was actually him you were talking to, you whom he'd gotten all dolled up for, he couldn't do anything but let out a slow, long breath.
"No I didn't- I'll be there in a minute, darlin'!" Joel was answering you as his brother regained his ability to speak
"well... Fuck. Me" he was in awe, his voice barely a murmur
"it ain't like that" Joel was quick to intervene "'m just fix-"
"'m sure it ain't" Tommy let out a chuckle, his hand going to pat his brother's back "You fucking lucky bastard"
"Tommy I know she's young bu-"
"shut up man" he laughed "Just go have fun, you asshole"
__ __
"Sorry 'm late, Tommy was just-"
You smiled at his words, shaking your head
"It's ok, Joel" you cooed as you let him in,
He gave you a soft little smile, and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
Joel Miller didn't smile just at anyone.
"water?" you asked, leading him to the kitchen.
"Uhm- sure"
His heart was damn near beating out of his chest already- for no fucking reason at all.
Well except the obvious one... you'd sucked his dick and he'd eaten you out three days ago- and you'd made it clear you wanted more.
Jesus Christ, he felt like a fourteen-year-old with his first crush.
You watched him as he sipped on the glass.
"So?" a soft smirk was caged between your teeth "Did you think about it?"
He damn near choked.
Which didn't make any sense, he was expecting this, he already knew you'd ask.
He cleared his throat, diverting his eyes from you "I-I have"
"And?"
You'd gotten closer, your expectant eyes studying every inch of his face
pleasepleasepleaseplease say yes
"Did- didn't you have something that needed fixing?"
Oh for fuck's sake
"joel" you called for him in what almost sounded like a plead.
"darlin' just... lemme fix your cabinet first"
This man was gonna be the goddamn death of you.
"ok"
__ __ __
As it turns out, in many different ways.
Who knew watching him fix something would turn out to be so fucking hot?
He'd rolled his shirt up so that his strong forearms and a glimpse of his beautiful bite-worthy biceps were showing, his hands moved so very expertly that they couldn't help but bring back memories of what those same fingers had done to you just a few days ago, and his face... he looked so hot when he was all in his head, concentrated only on the task before him-
or so you thought.
"You're gonna stare at me the whole time?"
A soft laugh escaped your lips
"don't mind me- just enjoying the view"
He huffed out a laugh as he went back to work, but you couldn't help but notice the fact he pushed his sleeves ever further up his arms, giving you more of a view of his delectable skin.
What a tease
__ __ __
"there we go" he said after some time, opening and closing the cabinet one final time to make sure "all done"
For the record, this time you hadn't even done it on purpose, the cabinet had actually broken. It was like fate was sending you a message.
You awakened from your daydreams as he stood up to his full height, and hopped off the stool you were sitting on to walk closer to him, noticing some dampness in your panties while doing so...
It wasn't your fault... he was the one looking way too hot doing such a simple task.
"thank you" You smiled up at him, your hands going to his chest,
He held his breath for a moment
"'s nothing babygirl"
"yeah? then... you think you could check my bedroom too?" you were biting your lip in a way that made your question take on a whole different meaning "to make sure nothing needs fixing y'know?"
"In your... bedroom?"
"yes, Joel- please" you added, with your best innocent doe eyes.
Which of course made him fold in a matter of seconds.
You'd taken on a different tactic. It was obvious at this point that the man was too shy and too unsure to give you an answer (or the one you wanted to hear anyway), which is why you needed to present him with the actual possibility right in front of him.
And yeah maybe it was manipulative, but fuck it if you didn't wanna feel the man inside of you.
The flashbacks of what he did to you on that bed filled his mind the moment he stepped into the room.
He needed to get a grip or he wouldn't be able to hide his growing bulge in a minute.
"Everything seems right"
"yeah? 'm not sure about the bed" you hummed, desperately hoping he would just go along with it "it makes a weird sound when I get on it"
He turned to you then, his eyes locking with yours for an infinite second.
"try" you said finally, nodding to the bed.
He watched you for a moment longer before, surprising you, he did it- he sat on the bed.
The mattress creaked underneath his weight, and you made quick work of strolling closer to him as he pressed his palms on the bed, checking for the inexistent "weird sound"
"it don't look like there's anythin' wron-" he looked up the moment your hands found his shoulders "Whatcha doin'? sweethear-"
You were sat on his lap before he could even finish the sentence.
"Joel" you spoke his name softly, as if it were a caress, your hands slowly moving up and down from his shoulders to his pecs, as you finally scooted closer to him so your core was right against the hardness in his jeans-
He inhaled sharply, his fingers curling on the bed.
"would you like to have sex with me or not?"
You accentuated your words with a slow roll of your hips, grinding onto him and making a soft groan build inside his throat
"this- this ain't really fair sugar"
A smirk pulled at your lips as you lowered your head to whisper in his ear "I never said I didn't play dirty, Mr. Miller"
Your right hand trailed lower, moving down his belly so slowly that Joel thought he might just lose his mind.
"You're y-young baby-"
Your hand had found his crotch, the outline of his dick fitting in your hand oh so perfectly.
"we've gone over this already Joel, I'm old enough" you purred, your lips leaving a peck just below his ear "old enough to do many many things"
He cursed under his breath
"I just... I don't understand"
A breathy laugh escaped you
"there's not much to understand really" you murmured "You're hot, and I like you, and I wanna get in your pants"
That earned you a chuckle
"and you're sure you won't regret this?" he asked, "you sure this is what you really want- that- that you don't want to give a boy your age a chance instead of me?"
You smiled as you looked up at him,
you'd never met a man so sweet
"Joel, I promise you I'm sure" you whispered "I promise you this is what I want, you are what I want"
Fucking damn it
How could he ever say no after that?
With those gentle eyes of yours looking at him, with your hand right over his cock...
"So?"
He was gonna think about the consequences tomorrow. Now- now there was only you.
"yes"
That single word sounded better than any song you'd ever heard.
yes
Your lips were on his before he could even think of changing his mind- and god did they feel like a dream.
His soft stubble grazed against your cheeks and upper lip, as you deepened the kiss, as he opened up to you, closing his eyes only after he'd taken you in, only after he could admire all that was happening to him for some godforsaken reason.
A growl rumbled from his chest when your core found his dick again, grinding onto it in a way, that combined with the way your tongue was tasting every inch of him, was making him see stars.
He didn't think he'd kissed like this in 30 years,
making out seemed like such a distant thing from him, he was much too old to do something like this, and yet... everything about you made him feel like a teenager all over again, so perhaps it was fitting-
and god he had forgotten how amazing it felt.
You started undoing his flannen, not even dreaming of breaking the kiss, and once you opened his shirt up, once his big strong chest was right there before you, you just had to look at it.
You leaned away, his lips chasing yours making you smile as your gaze lowered.
Jesus, he was the hottest man you'd ever seen.
Some hair and freckles adorned his pecs, his little belly was ever so cutely fighting against his jeans- his skin was soft beneath your palms as they explored every inch they could reach.
He was looking at you, watching your blow-out eyes, wondering what potion you'd drank to be this mesmerized by what he had to offer.
You smiled once you caught him, leaning closer to leave a quick kiss on his lips.
"take off your clothes"
You got off of him, and once he saw you get rid of your shirt, your boobs pushed together by a simple black bra that somehow, at the moment, seemed like the sexiest thing in the world, he rushed to follow suit, nearly tripping getting off his pants.
The moment he looked at you again, the world- the universe, it all went quiet.
You stood naked before him, a soft, perfect little thing, looking like a damn dream.
"babygirl" he could only breathe as you reached him again.
"What?" you laughed
"I-I don't even know"
You shook your head, grinning from ear to ear as he pressed his mouth on yours again.
He was already addicted.
In a haze, you found yourself on the bed, your body caged beneath his, his tongue fighting with yours, his hands all over- You almost had the urge to laugh at how desperate he seemed, how frantically he was touching every inch of you, exploring every piece of skin-
His hands were on your tits, fingers gently playing with your nipples, then on your belly, your waist, your ass, your thighs, until finally, he found your core, but before he had the time to fully reach it you'd switched up with him, straddling his lap as he laid flat on his back... only he couldn't keep away for even a second and he immediately sat up, grabbing your waist.
He couldn't even begin to complain that you'd already grabbed his cock, positioning it at your entrance.
You couldn't wait anymore- you needed him now.
"Wait-" he murmured, his breathing labored already "you sure you're... y'know ready?"
Oh my god, you swore you were gonna fall for him if he kept this shit up.
"Joel" you smiled, looking into his big brown eyes "I've been wet since you fixed the cabinet"
"I-" he blushed "You-you sure?"
You didn't answer him, you simply took one of his hands in yours and guided him to feel just how much you were telling the truth.
"Fuck"
"yeah" you smirked "that's just what you do to me, Mr. Miller"
Jesus fuck
Joel didn't think his cock had ever been so hard.
You didn't give him time to do or say anything- he'd gathered that's how you did things by now- as you slowly, oh so very slowly, started sinking onto him.
He was big, the kind of big you'd be feeling tomorrow morning. The stretch hurt just right, so overwhelmed by the unadulterated pleasure that it was barely there.
Soft little moaned gasps spilled from your lips with every inch added, your eyes were closed, only focusing on the extraordinary feeling as your nails clawed at Joel's chest.
Until, finally- you'd done it. You were fully sat on his cock, and while your eyelids fluttered open, you regained your ability to hear- to hear the curses leaving Joel's mouth between ragged breaths
"Jesus Christ- Jesus fucking Christ- Goddamnit"
His grip on your waist was so tight you were sure it was gonna leave a bruise... not that you were complaining.
"you ok?"
His eyes were shut close and creases of effort filled his forehead, while his chest went up and down as he desperately tried to breathe.
"Joel?"
He swallowed tightly, now breathing in through his nose before exhaling from his mouth.
"d-don't move"
You smiled as you promised "I won't"
God this was fucking embarrassing.
He'd spent three days training.
And yes he wasn't sure he would have said yes, but still, better safe than sorry- except for the fact it clearly hadn't worked.
He had spent three days fucking his own fist and trying to last as much as possible and he did do progress... but this... this was fucking nothing like what he'd felt in the last twenty years.
He was so fucked
"I-I'm sorry" he gritted out, sounding almost defeated "I- I haven't done this in a long time darlin'"
"And you... you feel so fuckin' good- fuck"
Your walls had inadvertently squeezed around him at his words, making a groan rumble in his chest.
"You have nothing to apologize for Joel"
he would have told you that your voice was making everything worse if he weren't so preoccupied with trying to calm his dick down.
"take all the time you need"
And so he did, his eyes remained closed as he breathed through the initial shock, until finally, after what felt like an eternity, he was back.
He had to stifle a moan once he opened his eyes back up.
There you were, your beautiful eyes trained on his with such gentleness and care that it made where his gaze fell to feel even more sinful.
Your boobs were barely touching his chest, and yet they could have been in his face for the effect they had on him- his hands were on your waist, holding onto your soft flesh, your thighs were straddling his lap, giving him no choice but to finally look between your bodies, where you two connected.
"Darlin'" he murmured, hypnotized
You smiled, watching him admiring you in silence
"You look..."
Every word that came to mind wasn't enough, you were otherwordly, you were perfection... so he just settled on the simplest, and perhaps truest of them all.
"you're beautiful"
Your cheeks burned with heat as his gaze came back to yours.
"so are you, Joel"
And that was that.
His lips found yours again, and you couldn't stop your hips as they started moving, rocking back and forth and bringing little waves of ecstasy to your core.
A desperate moan spilled from yours to Joel's mouth as he grabbed the back of your head, forcing you into an even deeper kiss as he started following your movements.
Your hands went to the back of his neck, grabbing at the hair at the nape of it as you finally started bouncing on his dick, and god- god it was even better than you could have ever imagined
The loudest growl sounded from his throat as you worked yourself up and down on his shaft.
He was in another universe, his actions were only reflexes as the hand not tangled in your hair found your tits and then your ass, grabbing at it with tenderness and need.
"Oh Joel" you cried, his dick filling you up better than anything ever before.
You could quite literally feel him in your stomach, every little vein and ridge of skin creating a permanent dent inside of you that only he was ever gonna be able to fill.
"sweetheart- fuck" he groaned on his own, your breaths mixing as you ghosted each other's mouths, his eyes raking over your body and face, while yours couldn't help but roll to the back of your head as his manhood hit a particularly good spot.
"You feel so- good Joel" you whimpered mindlessly, now quickening your pace, desperation taking over you completely.
the sound of him entering your drenched core mixed with the bed creaking underneath you as you drove yourself closer and closer to heaven.
The sound of his name falling from your lips was something that filled Joel's chest with an indescribable feeling, he felt on top of the word, and at the same time... at the same time he wished it had never left your mouth because it was now forever imprinted in his brain, and he knew nothing was ever gonna compare to it.
Oh and also- also it was making his little lasting problem real fucking hard to control.
But he was nothing if not a gentleman,
You were gonna come, he wasn't gonna have it any other way.
His hand lowered down your belly as you kept chasing your release, looking like a damn glimpse of paradise, until his thumb found your clit.
"Oh fuck" you moaned, your eyes snapping open to look at him- a dark glaze of lust shading your iris.
Joel realized too late that he hadn't taken into account how fucking tight you'd get, and was now really paying the consequences.
Plus when you looked at him like that... maybe just this one time he could not be a gentleman- I mean it's not like he had much choice, he was trying his hardest but- shit
"darlin'" he mumbled, his thumb circling your bud "w-where do ya- where do ya want it?"
You moaned louder just at the thought of him coming
"Inside"
It wasn't even a question
"N-no sweetheart I-I shouldn-"
"Joel" you interrupted him, your lips grazing his as you talked, your grip on his hair tightening "I want you to fill me up until I can feel you leaking out of me for days"
Good Christ and heaven
"Fuck me" he cursed, all his strength going on not coming right there and then "Darlin' please- tell me you're close"
You were already seeing stars as he spoke
"I'm close, baby- oh fuck" you cried "Joel!"
A tsunami of lust-filled pleasure coursed through your veins as your orgasm hit like a damn truck.
You couldn't even remember your name as you screamed his own into the thick air, as you moaned and cried and spasmed around him, feeling him do exactly what you'd asked- filling you up to the very brim.
He'd started coming the moment you did- he couldn't do anything about it, it was just unadulterated perfection-
His head fell between your neck and shoulders as groaned like a man possessed,
until finally, after a good three minutes, you were both back to the land of the living.
He looked twenty years younger when he looked at you again, and you- you looked like the most beautiful woman on earth.
A soft smile pulled at your lips, and you couldn't help but ask "How long before we can do it again?"
And fuck him, but his age didn't matter, with those eyes of yours, it might very well be minutes.
@kluvspedro @bluebiyou @casssiopeia @bean-is-reading @millerispunk @i-cant-stfu
#joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller fluff#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#sub!Joel#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x fem!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#sub joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#joel miller imagine#joel miller blurb#smut#joel miller angst#fanfiction#the last of us#tlou#the last of us hbo#tlou hbo
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outlaw!toji who initially kidnapped you for money, to rob you from your valuable belongings, eventually forms a strange attachment to you. he canât help but feel a faint twinge of guilt for robbing a pretty and delicate little thing like you.
so, he decides to let you return to your beloved family in town. though he does not let you go completely.
every now and then when toji is passing by the town you reside in - avoiding sheriffs and other people whom could possibly recognise him from the wanted posters plastered on every wall - he looks for you.
of course, you freak out the first time he sneaked up on you. however slowly yet surely, you let your guard down. the outlaw didnât harm you in any way after all.
âhow âre ya doinâ, princess?â toji would always greet you with that signature, cocky smirk of his, leaning against a nearby wall with his arms crossed over his chiseled chest or his hands on his worn gun belt.
sometimes you reply quickly, but on other occasions you indulge him and continue the conversation. itâs often at night that he visits you, so you have less of a chance to get caught together.
you donât know when or how toji found out where your familyâs house is. he simply started showing up at your balcony once in a while, just to catch up. after a couple times, you even let him in.
those nightly visits swiftly turned into something more intimate. it feels so wrong yet so right. a dangerous criminal whoâs killed hundreds, who had even kidnapped you one day, being invited into your bedâ how scandalous.
though you canât help it. his callused yet warm hands that touch your skin, his burly body that presses you into the mattress just right, his slightly chapped lips that nip at your flesh and leave marks. . . you donât regret a thing.
especially when youâre both catching your breath after an intense encounter. tojiâs muscular body, filled with countless of scars, blankets yours easily. his arms cradle you to his bare chest afterwards and all you can do is relax against him.
âi think i really hit the jackpot with ya, aye? may not have robbed ya of yer stuff that day, but i got ma prize money one way or ânother,â the rugged outlaw grins as he lights up a cigar and holds it between his lips.
you canât even tell him off for smoking in your room. tojiâs fingers massage your scalp so good to the point youâre putty in his hands. the scent of tobacco is also comforting. itâs one you associate with him, because he always smells like it. itâs always a combination of tobacco, nature, horses and gunpowder.
toji knows that he has to leave before anyone comes checking in on you, but he canât leave you when you look so adorable, clinging onto him like a lifeline.
every time he visits, itâs the same exciting story.
when toji is in a more sentimental mood, he takes you out on a ride. he settles you on the back of his horse, speeding off into the sunset, letting you enjoy the view outside of town.
the beautiful freedom that comes with the life of an outlaw. the freedom of seeing nature in all its glory. you get to experience it all.
at times, when youâre out and about, he takes his chance and teaches you how to handle a gun. toji knows youâve been spoiled rotten by your parents growing up, so you probably havenât touched a gun a day in your life. thatâs where he comes in.
âoi, watch out. yer gonna blow my fuckinâ face off, girl,â toji grunts with a faint chuckle as he notices your clumsy hand gestures while holding his revolver. itâs endearing, truly. he doesnât yet understand why it warms his heart to see you try and shoot at the targets he set up.
what the outlaw loves more than that, is when youâre both resting against a large oak tree, with his head on your lap. especially after he gets back from a long and successful heist in a far away town.
toji often lets his cowboy hat cover his face while he naps and uses your thighs as the perfect, plush pillow. the gentle breeze only adds to the perfect moment.
when you take his stetson and put it on your head instead in a innocent gesture, he lazily opens one eye and raises a brow in amusement.
âoh? that yer way of telling me yâ want a ride?â toji teases before pinching your cheek. he loves seeing that flustered expression on your face when youâre once again reminded of the cowboy hat rule he taught you the other day.
toji never misses the opportunity, however. he sits up and leans back against the tree trunk, patting his thick thighs which he spreads lightly.
âhop on fâ me then, pretty. show me how good of a cowgirl yâ are, yeah?â
well, briefly said, itâs never a dull moment with outlaw!toji.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#toji x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#toji x you#jjk x y/n#toji x y/n#toji fushiguro x reader#jjk x female reader#jjk fanfic#toji smut#toji fanfic#jjk fic#toji x female reader#female reader
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Co Parents To Lovers Again (part 3)
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader
Warnings: fluff, smut this is the last part so I hope you enjoy it!!
part 2
It would be an understatement to say that Charles was over the moon when you and Louise showed up in the paddock on the race day. He was so delighted and happy that he had a hard time hiding it, and everyone present could see it.
He didn't separate from Lou, and he thanked you several times for bringing her and for coming with her telling you how much that meant to him.
Of course, you both attracted the attention of all the media, knowing that tomorrow the main news on the internet will be how Charles' ex-girlfriend appeared with his daughter in the paddock for the first time after a full year since the breakup.
The cameras were everywhere, but having learned from previous experiences, you decided to ignore them and pretend they didn't exist. All you were focused on was giving your daughter an unforgettable weekend and supporting Charles as well.
Lou got hungry so you and Charles decided to get her something to eat at the Ferrari hospitality. Lou didn't know what she wanted to eat, so Charles decided to leave his things at your table, including his phone, and said he would go with her to the restaurant to choose. While Lou went with Charles, you sat down at the table and scrolled through your phone waiting for them to come back.
âAm I seeing things or is it really y/n?â A very familiar voice asked you, making you look up from your phone.
âCarlos!â You smiled from ear to ear as you stand up to hug him.
âItâs been some time since Iâve seen you in the paddock. How come youâre here?â He asks curiously.
âLou had a hard time accepting that she wouldn't be spending this weekend with her dad, so...yeah, here we are.â
âOh man, heâs gonna beat my ass on the track today..â Carlos says shaking his head.
âWhat do you mean?â You laugh a little unsure of what heâs talking about.
âHe always gives 110% on the track when Lou is there to support him, I can only imagine what itâll be like today when you are there too.â
The two of you started catching up talking about what was new in your lives, what wasn't, and so on, until Carlos commented on Charles and Lou's relationship, saying that he really loves spending time with her and that he talks about her nonstop.
âShe loves spending time with him too, he is her soulmate Iâm sure.â You commented.
âAnd what about you? Is he your soulmate too?â Carlos asked catching you off guard.
Both you and Charles were close to Carlos and he pretty much knew everything about you and your relationship. He was also very angry with you when you broke up because he thought it was a bad decision and that you should have worked on your relationship and not give up on it so easily.
âI-I..â As you were trying to think of an answer to his question, at that very moment the screen of Charles's phone, which he had left on the table in front of you, lit up.
What caught your attention wasn't the notification he received, but your eyes got stuck on the wallpaper on his lock screen. It was a picture of you and Lou that Charles had taken shortly after you had given birth and came home from the hospital. You were lying on the bed and Lou was lying on your chest while you kissed her head.
It was a picture that was very dear to both you and Charles, and he had it as his wallpaper since the day he took it, and what surprised you the most was that he still had it to this day. Even though you were no longer together, he never changed it.
Carlos noticed what you were staring at and he basically took it as an answer to his question although he had already knew it.
âUncle Carloss!!â Lou screamed with her mouth full of pizza as Charles carried her in his arms over to the table where Carlos and you were sitting.
âHola, hermosa! Did you get hungry?â Carlos chuckled squeezing her cheek.
âOut of all the possible foods you can think of, my baby chose pizza.â Charles laughed sitting her down on the chair next to you.
You were completely lost in your thoughts and didn't even pay attention what the three of them were talking about. All you could think about was the picture you saw on Charles's phone and how you were getting closer to confessing your still deeply held feelings for him.
And of course today was just as Carlos said it would be. Not only did Charles beat Carlosâ ass on the track, but he also beat all the other drivers by proudly and deservedly taking P1. He couldn't let the win slip through his fingers in front of the two most important people in his life so he fought extra hard for it today.
When it was time to celebrate, your eyes filled with tears at how proud you were of him. First he celebrated with the team, then his eyes searched for you and Lou.
âYou wanna congratulate daddy, baby?â You asked her and she nodded excitedly.
You pushed your way towards Charles with her in your arms and when you reached him he instantly hugged her and kissed her on the forehead.
âGood job, daddy!â She said.
âThank you, baby. This one was for you.â He told her kissing her once again.
âCongratulations, Charles. Weâre really proud of you.â You say softly smiling at him tears threatening to run down your cheeks.
âThank you, y/n. Thank you for being here.â He said looking deep into your eyes.
The cameras went crazy over your family moment, closely capturing every interaction between you. It won't be until the next day when you see one of the taken photos of the two of you that it will become completely clear to you how your eyes are betraying you and showing how deeply and obviously in love you are with each other.
When the day was coming to an end, you didn't stay in the paddock any longer, but immediately got on the plane and flew to Monaco, all three of you together. Lou was completely exhausted and when you landed she was already asleep. Charles didn't offer but instead insisted on driving you to your apartment no matter how tired he was.
Charles, carefully so as not to wake her, carried her in his arms into her room and put her to bed. He kissed her goodnight before closing the door and going into the living room thinking he would say goodnight to you too.
âSheâs sleeping like a log.â Charles chuckles quietly as he stands in front of you.
âPoor thing, she was so tired. She passed out as soon as we sat in the plane.â
âBut I'm glad you came. Both of you. It really meant a lot to me to have you there.â
âIâm glad too. We had a lot of fun. Maybe we can come again sometime.â You say making him smile.
âAnytime you wantâ He says feeling that the conversation is slowly coming to an end. He wants to continue it so bad, but he knows that both of you are tired and with a heavy heart he has to leave, even though he would rather lie in bed with you now and hold you close to him all night.
âOkay, Iâm gonna go now. Itâs getting really late.â He says running his hand nervously through his hair while you bite the inside of your cheek so desperately wanting him to ask you if he can stay. âSee you soon, yeah? Good nightâ
Before he turns around to head for the door, you decide that enough is enough. There have been so many obvious signs by now that it's not over between you and that you're still madly in love with each other that you don't want to waste another second being stubborn, but rather surrender to the moment and finally enjoy it.
âOr you can stay the night here..you know..i-if you want toâ You blurt out stuttering the last part.
He turns slowly towards you. His expression is unreadable until he places his hands on your cheeks and asks you âDo you want me to stay?â
Without much hesitation, you nod your head and quietly say âI do.â
Initially, it was as if you were afraid to approach each other, as if you were afraid of each other's reaction even though both of you were hoping that the desire was mutual. Then his lips slowly and cautiously began coming closer and closer to yours.
At first, your lips just brushed, pulling back a little, and then they connected into a long, passionate and deep kiss that you both had been eagerly waiting for.
You felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders as you let out deep breaths in relief you didn't even know you were holding in.
Things were moving quickly and you didn't waste any time getting to your bedroom. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he picked you up and without breaking the kiss, carried you into the room and laid you down on the bed.
Exhaustion was long forgotten when you took each other's clothes off and started kissing every part of each otherâs body.
âI missed you, I missed you so much you donât even knowâ He said into the kiss, barely catching his breath from the intense excitement he felt.
âI missed you too, Charlesâ You half whisper as he pushes into you and one tear rolls down the side of your face.
It felt so good. He felt so good inside you, fit so perfectly like he was made for you. He wanted to make love to you, to show you how much he cares about you so he kept going on and on making your legs shake so many times throughout the night, kissing every inch of your body, pulling you closer to him to calm you down, breathing in your scent and getting lost in your eyes.
âIâm gonna cum, babyâ His voice trembled as he rested his forehead against yours and pulled his cock out of you cumming all over your stomach, hands free, then pushing himself back in and wincing.
You fell asleep with him holding you close all night. His arms were hugging you so tightly, as if he was afraid that if he let go even just for a second, he would wake up and it would all be just a dream.
The morning sun's rays didn't let you sleep past eight, so you spontaneously woke up together still in the same position you fell asleep in.
âGood morning ma cherieâ He said with a kiss to your lips.
âMorning babyâ You smiled caressing his cheek with your thumb. âDid you sleep well?â
âMhm, very wellâ He murmurs against your skin. âAnd you?â
âMe too. I haven't slept this peacefully in a long time.â
âYeah, baby?â
âYeahâ You glance at the clock out of the corner of your eye and see that it's almost time for Lou to wake up. âOh shit, Charles you need to leave, Lou is about to wake upâ You say nervously, which completely confuses Charles.
âWhat? What do you mean I need to leave? Why canât she know that Iâm here?â
âIt's not that she canât know itâs just that I want us to take it slow this time. I'm afraid of screwing this up because it feels so good and so right and I don't know if I could handle us hurting each other again.â You sigh as you explain your reasons to him. âAnd most of all, I don't want to break Lou's heart.â
He pauses for a moment to think about what you just said and realizes that it makes sense and that you're right. âOkay, baby. Donât worry weâll take things slow to make it right this time.â After all, he just wants to fulfill all your wishes and wants to make you happy with whatever you want. âSo when do I get to see you again?â He asks and you laugh at his silly question. âWhat?â He asks confused.
âIt's funny that you ask me that. You can see us whenever you want. It's just for a short time until we see how things develop and then of course we'll live together again.â
âI canât wait for that.â
Soon he got out of the bed and got dressed. He kissed you barely breaking away from you before heading out of the bedroom. The door to Lou's room was open and so he walked slowly on his tiptoes, not wanting to wake her up.
But he realized that was in vain when, passing by her room, he heard âDaddy?!â He stopped in his tracks, squeezing his eyes shut and cursing quietly under his breath.
Sheâd already seen him and he couldn't leave now or get out of the situation in any way, so he decided to go into her room and say good morning to her.
âHey, baby. Good morningâ
âWhat are you doing here?! Did you sleep here?!â She didn't know what to ask him first from how happy she was that it was morning and he was there.
When the two of them appeared at your bedroom door, it was clear to both you and Charles that from that moment on, you were all living together again.
âHi thereâ Charles said holding her in his arms and looking at you.
You didn't say anything, you just covered your face with your hands and started laughing before you uncovered the quilt and said "come here, both of you"
@charlesgirl16 @aleatorio1234 @teamnovalak @watermelonslut @diaryofarandomkid @sunny44 @tempo-rary-fix @ggaslyp1 @janeh22 @seonghwaexile @seasonswinter @itgirlofthecenturysposts @ricciardosredbull @amz824 @sarx164 @seonghwaexile @landossainz @little-miss-naill @taygrls @sturmatt @myescapefromthislife @stylesmoonlight12 @st4rgirl-ellie @eloriis @sillyfreakfanparty @rebelliousneferut @kahhorri @hard4ndsoft @weekendlusting
#charles leclerc one shot#f1 fic#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 x female reader#f1 scenario#f1 smut#f1 blurb#f1 one shot#f1 fluff#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#charles leclerc smut#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc x reader
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Quick: what's your favourite colour? Doesn't matter. Capitalism has conspired to eliminate it. Every car now is silver, grey, white, or black. Choice is the enemy of all free people. This improves resale value. Critically, this reduction in choice also reduces the chance that a dealership will end up with a, say, dark-blue(!) car that is totally unsellable except to the mentally ill. We gotta do our part for the dealerships, they're really hurting.
Cars used to have cool colours. For instance, I'm fairly sure that my '78 Volare was brown when it was new. You could also get it in tan, or what Plymouth audaciously called "Augusta green sunfire metallic." Daring stuff, but we had no idea that we were secretly bankrupting them. Back then, cars were ordered on demand, and you'd wait a few weeks before someone in a historically economically disadvantaged area of the USA finished spraying it with paint and put it on a train. No more of that nonsense.
That's why I joined up with a secret band of rebels. We don't want to put a name on our organization, mostly because none of us can agree on what it should be. Our job is to sneak into car dealership lots, and give the cars waiting there a high-quality paint job in extreme wacko colours like "orange" and "red." This, we believe, will eventually bankrupt the dealerships and hasten the fall of our corrupt order.
If that fails for some reason, and we are tortured to death by the politicians who obey those dealerships without question, there is a side benefit. That benefit is that we'll be able to see other cars in a snowstorm even if they forget to turn their headlights on. Is that grey blob over there a car or just another snow squall?
So when you show up to the dealership in the next couple weeks and notice that it suddenly looks a lot more colourful, you can thank us. Maybe just don't look too closely at the quality of the work. We're in a bit of a hurry, and sometimes Tapemaster Theodore doesn't do a really good job masking off the mirrors, handles, tires, and windows, so the paint gets places that it shouldn't. Hey, it's like the 1970s all over again.
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Just some more thoughts on KĂśnig with a clingy girl.
Heâs not used to physical intimacy by any means. Heâs paid for girls plenty of times, have a few flings during different leaves, but never anything sweet. Never a girlfriend.
Before you even get together, youâre clingy. You like hugs. You like leaning on him when youâre sat next to each other, falling asleep on him. Which makes him fall in love so quickly, by the way. Heâs addicted to feeling you warm on his skin.
And when he does manage to sweet talk his way into the boyfriend position? He melts under every crumb of affection. Every kiss to the cheek, every nuzzle, every time you park yourself in his lap.
Man is a death grip hand-holder. His height makes him hard to lose in crowds, but he still doesnât want to be separated. Letting go of your hand is literally like his last resort.
And let it be said. This man wants to fuck you with as much skin to skin contact as possible. Sure, heâll never say no to a quickie, but his favorite type of sex is when youâre both completely bare and have space to get in every position imaginable. He likes you pressed completely against himâ chest to chest if possible, maybe back to chest (especially if a full length mirror is involved).
And then thereâs the emotional clinging. Heâs very insecure about the idea of wanting you more than you want him, so it always makes him so happy when youâre the one texting, calling, or just coming into the same room as him to hang out. He loves when you contact him for no reason at allâ just to check on him. One time when he asked why you called, you said âI just wanted to hear your voice,â and he almost fainted from how giddy it made him. And he doesnât have so much going on besides work, so he really doesnât mind if youâre the type to want to spend every hour of every day with him.
The hardest fucking you ever got from KĂśnig was a few weeks after you first moved in together. He had to be on base for the day, and you had a day off. You meet him at the doorâ you headed there as soon as you heard the carâ and wrap him up in an embrace that he gladly returns.
âSo, leibling, what did you do all day today?â
âI waited for you to come home,â you say absentmindedly, just rubbing his back and pressing your cheek to his chest. You donât notice how he almost starts trembling from your words, his heart feeling like itâs about to burst.
He needs to be inside youâ can barely hold it together enough to carry you to bed like a fucking caveman. Starts thinking you need something else to cling to when heâs away⌠something that can cling to him when he comes home. A baby would suit you both very nicely, yeah?
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My Drug is My Baby
âŞthe one where you and rafe canât keep your hands off each other during your honeymoon.
Warnings: kook rafe/pogue reader, swearing, fluff (barely), smut, unprotected sex, semi-public smut, slight exhibition kink, hair pulling, dirty talk, size difference/kink, cock warming i think, spanking (whoops), rafeâs an ass man, i said what i said, heâs also a dom, bc obviously. (all iâve been thinking about lately is rafe, so iâm doing something about it, yw).
Word Count: 2.5k
Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine âĄ
Rafe never thought heâd be one to get his life in order or find a nice girl to settle down with and get married to, but here he is in a stunning (and very expensive) resort in Florida with you by his side.Â
Wrapped around your finger were two rings, one holding a large, heavy diamond, and the other being a simple wedding band. âSimpleâ, yet it was embedded with smaller diamonds.Â
Around Rafeâs finger was a gold band that showed every girl at this resort who gave him the âfuck meâ eyes how committed he is to you and only you, and how they could waste their time all they want. Heâd be a fucking idiot to ever let you go.Â
It was kind of crazy to think that less than a year ago, you were just another Pogue and he was a Kook who vowed to never do more than sleep with someone who was much less privileged than he was, but now he is married to you. Really, the standards of the society pretty much flew right out the window the second he saw you.Â
You were drop dead gorgeous, the most beautiful girl Rafe had ever seen. And though his friends told him to not waste his time with someone like you, Rafe was really fucking glad that he promptly ignored them and got you to go on a date with him, because less than four months after that date, you were engaged, and only five months later, you were married.Â
And now you were on your honeymoon and even more clingy and touchy than ever. Rafe never thought of himself as a very touchy person, but with you, he wanted to touch you all the time. Holding your hand in stores or on the street, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind when standing in lines, having his arm draped around your shoulders while sitting on the couch, or placing his hand on your thigh while in a car.Â
Right now, he was leaning back on a pool lounger with you in his arms, your back pressed against his bare chest as his fingers traced random shapes onto the skin of your stomach. For some reason, ever since that first date, Rafe couldnât seem to keep his hands off you. You were so much smaller than him, but you fit perfectly against him, he couldnât help but want to touch you everywhere all the time.Â
He had fallen so in love with you in so little time, he wasnât sure if the honeymoon phase would ever end. And honestly, he didnât want it to.
The sun was beating down on the both of you, but the breeze from the empty, still pool helped keep you from overheating. You sighed quietly, leaning more against him as you closed your eyes, the sun still very bright even through your sunglasses. âItâs so pretty here, Rae,â you mumbled, turning your head to place a soft kiss to his heated skin. âMakes me want to never leave. I want to stay right here, with you, for the rest of my life.â
That sounded amazing to Rafe, and he wouldnât mind starting every morning exactly like this for the next week. Heâd gone all out on both the wedding and the honeymoon, spending a pretty penny on them to ensure youâd have the best experience during both events. The room you were staying in was huge, and it has a huge bed that Rafe had fucked you in for a solid hour on your first night here.
He couldnât help it and he couldnât be blamed. You were his wife now. You were all his. Â
Rafe laughed, the deep sound vibrating your back as his breath tickled the shell of your ear. âIâd be more than willing to stay right here if you want to spend the rest of your life on top of me,â he teased, his fingers dipping lower to brush against the inside of your thigh. âWeâve got a whole week ahead of us, baby. A week of doing nothing but this all day. And youâre looking really fucking hot right now.â His other hand moved to grope your breast, his thumb brushing against your nipple through the thin fabric of your bikini top as his lips found your pulse point and kissed it gently.Â
âRae,â you laughed quietly, pressing your thighs together as you leaned back against him more firmly, your sunglasses sliding down your nose until you just decided to take them off. âWeâre in publicâŚyou canât say that to me.â Your words were a feeble attempt at teasing him, because he had rented the room that came with the private pool and patio. No one was around to hear you, let alone see you.Â
Rafe smirked, licking and sucking at your neck before he lifted his head, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. âI can say whatever the fuck I want to my wife,â he murmured into your ear, his hand sliding back up your thigh until his fingers grazed the edge of your bikini bottoms. His teeth gently tugged at your earlobe as his hand slid beneath the red fabric, his lips curving when he heard your sharp inhale. âAre you forgetting that this place belongs to us for the next eight days? No oneâs around to see my pretty girl get all needy for me.â
âRafe,â you whined, biting down on your lip as you arched your back and subtly spread your thighs a bit wider. You turned your head again and pressed your face against the side of his neck, brushing soft kisses along his skin. âGod, youâre so hot, baby.â
Rafe groaned, his cock starting to harden as his fingers slid through your slick folds. âMmm, youâre so wet for me,â he mumbled, his middle finger dipping inside your wet heat before he pulled it back out and brought it up to his lips for a taste. âSo fucking good, baby.â
He leaned in and kissed you deeply as his hands gripped your hips, turning you on his lap so youâre properly straddling him. Slowly, he guided you to grind against him, the outline of his cock evident through the dark fabric of his trunks.Â
âRide me, pretty girl,â he rasped against your mouth, his fingers playing with the thin strings of your bikini on either side of your hips. One pull, and your lower half would be bare, and the thought was becoming more and more appealing to him the longer you moved on top of him.Â
âLike this?â You asked, already breathless as you caressed his face in your hands, your clothed pussy rubbing against his cock through the fabric of his shorts.Â
Rafe groaned, tipping his head back on the chair. âExactly like that, baby,â he muttered, his hands gripping your ass as he guided you to move a bit faster. âJust like that.â
The rough fabric of his swimming trunks brushed deliciously against your clit, making you moan a bit louder and brace your hands on his shoulders for more support.Â
You were so hot, Rafe couldnât believe that you were all his. The sexy, shameless woman riding his lap in public was all his.Â
âFuck, you feel so good,â he muttered, leaning up and capturing your lips in a searing kiss. His tongue brushed against yours, one of his hands tangling in your hair as he bucked up against you. He broke the kiss, his head dropping onto your shoulder as he grunted, âI need to be inside you, baby. Right now.âÂ
With that, he wrapped his arms under your thighs and lifted you as he stood up, carrying you towards the sliding doors that lead back into the suite. You squealed, wrapping your legs tighter around his waist as you peppered kisses along his neck. âYou love me so much,â you teased, nuzzling your nose behind his ear as he slid the door closed behind him, not bothering to close the curtains as he walked over to the bed and pulled at the strings of your bikini bottoms, letting the damp fabric fall to the floor.Â
âYeah, I fucking do,â he agreed, giving your ass a firm squeeze before tossing you onto the king sized bed. You bounced a bit as you tried to steady yourself, a needy whine of excitement leaving your lips. âGet on your knees for me, baby.â
When you quickly turned around and braced yourself up on your hands and knees, Rafe stepped towards the bed, one of his hands running along the length of your spine. His other hand came down onto your ass, giving it a sharp smack that made a loud moan slip past your lips.Â
God, you were so fucking sexy and so perfect for him, Rafe would never get enough. âThatâs for getting me so addicted to you,â he mumbled before pulling at the strings of his shorts and pushing them down his legs. He propped one knee up on the bed next to yours, keeping one foot planted firmly on the floor as gripped your waist. âYouâre so perfect, arenât you? My perfect girl.âÂ
Rafe gripped the base of his cock with one hand, running his length along your wet folds before bumping his tip against your clit a few times. âRae,â you whined, clearly getting more and more riled up from his teasing.Â
He smirked before guiding himself inside you, your soaked walls making him slide in with ease. Rafe groaned, his teeth sinking into his lip as he refrained from railing you like he wanted to. âFuck, youâre tight,â he muttered, his palm soothing your reddening skin from his previous smack.Â
When he pulled back nearly all the way and then slid right back in, you let out a loud moan, your hands fisting the sheets of the unmade bed. âFuck,â you whimpered, your head falling forward as he began to slowly fuck you from behind.Â
âThatâs it, baby,â Rafe grunted, moving his hips in slow, deep thrusts as he pulled at the string of your top, making the fabric hang loosely from your neck before you tugged it off and tossed it aside carelessly.Â
He leaned down and pushed your hair to the side so he could press open mouthed kisses to the back of your neck, one of his hands reaching around to squeeze your breast. His grip on your waist tightened as he increased the pace, the soft slap of skin on skin filling the room as he began to pound into you.Â
âFuck, you feel so good. So wet and tight for me,â he panted, leaning over you as he changed the angle just slightly. Your moans grew louder, your arms shaking a bit as his cock reached even deeper inside you, making his lips turn upwards in a smug smirk. âYou like that, pretty girl? You love being stuffed full of me, donât you?â
Rafeâs mouth was filthy both in and out of the bedroom, something he knew you loved, and that was very obvious from the way you clenched around him and got even louder. âYes,â you answered, your body jolting forward with every deep thrust. âFuckâŚyes.â
It was hard to believe that ten minutes ago, you were simply in his arms by the pool, and now here you are, on your hands and knees for him as he railed you from behind, your body completely bare for his greedy eyes and hands. His perfect little wife.
âFuck, listen to those pretty noises youâre making,â he grunted, his hand gripping your waist tightly as he guided you back onto his cock. You were so tight, he could literally see the way your walls hugged him and took him in so deep every time he entered you, and the sight had his abs tensing as he groaned loudly. His free hand slid up your back until he had a fistful of your hair, and he tugged your head back just enough for you to feel it but not hard enough to hurt you.Â
The bed, though sturdy, clearly wasnât prepared for the rough fucking Rafe planned to give you every day for the next week since it creaked with every thrust, and he briefly wondered just how many honeymoonâs this suite had seen, and how many horny newly-weds this bed had fallen victim to.Â
One thing he knew for sure was that you were the prettiest bride that had ever and will ever stay in this room, and he was one lucky fucker.Â
When he gave your hair a sharp tug, you let out a whiny moan and clenched around him again, and Rafe knew you were close. âYeah, thatâs it. Cum for me, baby,â he rasped, speeding up even more until you were mumbling and moaning incoherently as your head tipped back onto his shoulder. He kissed all over the side of your neck and face as you came on his cock, his grip on your hair loosening as he fucked you through your high.Â
âRae,â you whimpered, shaking in his arms as you relied solely on him to keep you upright.Â
âI got you, sweet girl,â he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw as he slowed his pace, his own high creeping up on him. âFuck, Iâm gonna cum too, baby. You feel too good.âÂ
Your face turned a faint shade of pink as you leaned your head back on his shoulder, your arm lifting up as you tangled your fingers in his hair. âCum for me, Rafe,â you encouraged weakly, nearly limp in his arms as you trembled from the sensitivity.Â
His hand groped your breast, his thumb and index finger gently pinching your nipple as he buried himself as deep as physically possible and emptied himself inside you. âFuck,â he grunted, pressing his face against the side of your neck as his hips jerked and stuttered, his cock filling you up with ropes of white.Â
Once you had drained him of every drop, Rafeâs hand released your breast as his arm wrapped around your middle, slowly guiding you back on the bed as he leaned over you.Â
âYouâre so perfect, baby. I love you so fucking much, more than anything,â he mumbled, peppering your sweaty shoulder in kisses as he carefully rolled onto his side, pulling you with him so he was holding you from behind. âStay just like thisâŚI donât wanna pull out yet.â
His words were slurred as his body still thrummed with the aftershocks, his big hand splayed across your stomach as he nuzzled his face against your neck. You hummed, pressing yourself more firmly against him. âThen stay inside me,â you mumbled, âWeâll stay like this for as long as you want to.âÂ
Rafe grinned lazily, holding you close to him. âIâm gonna hold you like this forever,â he said, his voice muffled against your neck as his thumb stroked along your stomach. âNever letting you go.â
Even though it was just past noon, you both had grown rather tired from that intense workout you just got finished doing. A quick nap sounded fucking amazing right now, especially if he got to stay connected with you and have your body wrapped up in his arms the whole time.Â
This was heaven, Rafe decided, and he never wanted to go a single day without you ever again.Â
And luckily, he would never have to.
#rafe cameron#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe obx#rafe x reader#rafe fanfiction#outer banks rafe#rafe imagine#rafe cameron obx#drew starkey#rafe cameron smut#obx#obx x reader#obx fic#obx fanfiction#outer banks x reader#outer banks imagine#outer banks smut#rafe cameron x reader#outerbanks rafe#obx smut
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OFF LIMITS â rafe cameron ÂĄ (02)
social media & irl AU !
pairing brother's best friend!rafe cameron x brat!reader summary you slide into a random boy's dms on instagram, anything but expecting him to end up being your brother's best friend, let alone the person you'll be spending your summer vacation with. while resisting Rafe and his lingering gazes was an option, you found yourself in the constant loop of crossing the line; said line being your brother. ch content sexual jokes, rafe being a tease !
NAVIGATION. series masterlist | 01 ÂĄ 02 ÂĄ 03
yourusername
liked by sarahcameron, rafecameron and 1,129 others yourusername me and gf on a mermaids date đ§ââď¸Â
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sarahcameron GF đđđ most beautiful girl ive ever seen âł yourusername BABYYY ily
sarahcameron do you want to be my wife âł johnroutledge Uhm âł yourusername leave little boy she doesnt want you đ§ââď¸
sarahcameron cant believe we met its been SO long âł yourusername still in shock could you kiss me to make sure this is real? Ⳡsarahcameron come to mama đÂ
ryanontop God your ugly âł yourusername youâre*⌠spell right you illiterate fuck âł ryanontop Fuck off it was a typo âł yourusername you know damn well!!!!
cleoanderson WAIT WHAT
kiecarrera ??? HUH
kiecarrera IM SO CONFUSED âł cleoanderson ME TOO âšď¸ âł sarahcameron hey đ Ⳡcleoanderson girl you both got some explaining to do âł yourusername trust me i was as shocked as you are đ
popeheyward Insane âł yourusername PIPE down fella (get it ahahaha) âł popeheyward That wasn't funny âł cleoanderson be nice to my girl >:( âł popeheyward Baby you're supposed to defend me âł yourusername YEAHHH CLOCK THAT HO
jjmaybanks whats for supper Ⳡyourusername saltwater
user1 PRETTY!!!!Â
user2 so lovely đĽš
user3 DRESS ATE DOWN âł yourusername YEAHH tryna impress the hoes âł ryanontop Crickets âł sarahcameron not cool Ryan. âł ryanontop Sorry Sarah Cameron.
rafecameron Hey đđźđđźđđź âł yourusername uhhh uhmm Ⳡrafecameron ??? What âł sarahcameron what are you doing here âł yourusername yeah get out of my comment section âł rafecameron Iâm not even doing anythingÂ
rafecameron Sarah looks like a duck Ⳡyourusername shes my little duckling đĽÂ âł rafecameron Oh I didn't mean that in a cute way âł sarahcameron hey >:( âł yourusername insult my gf one more time and ill fuck you UP âł rafecameron Oh? Ⳡryanontop Uhh Ⳡrafecameron Yo wsg baby âł yourusername flirt somewhere else please dont start sexting in my comment section âł rafecameron Awe man :( but it's way more fun in public âł yourusername pardon me! there's children in my comments, please refrain from having sex here âł rafecameron You're the one talking about sexting, not me...
Involving yourself with Rafe Cameron, whom you later found out was good friends with your brother, was definitely not a part of your plan.Â
Spending the next two months with him meant coming to terms with your actions, perhaps take responsibility for the mess you created out of this situation. Had you further dug into his information, paid attention to the last name splattered across your screen, you would not have ended up in the bathroom, contemplating whether going downstairs was a good idea.Â
Avoiding him could be an option right now, but you knew you'd have to face him one day, whether it was today, or another. And while he stayed oblivious to the incident, you couldnât help the embarrassment that flushed your face everytime his eyes would lock with yours.
You somehow spent the afternoon together, his lingering gazes leaving you a nervous mess every time his eyes fell on you. Heâd stare at you for a few seconds, letting tension heave through the air, almost as if it was the most casual thing ever, as if heâs not your brotherâs best friend, someone so off limits, forbidden to the touch.Â
Besides that, it was nice, you got to spend more time with Sarah, catch up with the girl and everything you missed out on in the past few hours she was gone. It distracted you from your embarrassment, eternally grateful, because you donât think youâll be capable of spending another minute within Rafeâs presence without exploding.Â
Taking a deep breath, you mustered up the courage to head downstairs, taking each step with haste. Sarah perked up when the hardwood creaked underneath you, causing you to come to a halt. Sarah called out your name, addressing you with the hand she waved in your direction, her excitement instantly replacing the frown spread across your face with a smile.Â
âWhat took you so long?â Her lips jut into a pout, tucking her hair behind her ear. She welcomed you with open arms, chuckling when you accepted the embrace with a content hum âYou know, I missed you.âÂ
âYou were jusâ talking to me.â You muffled out, relaxing as the blonde rocked your bodies back and forth.Â
âItâs not the same!â She exclaimed, pulling away for a moment. âItâs not everyday I get to see you in real life.âÂ
Ryan cleared his throat, in an attempt to earn yours and Sarahâs attention. To his satisfaction, he did, causing your gaze to shift back to the latter, instantly detecting the disgusted expression he had splattered across his face.Â
âCan you save this for later, and please help me out?â Ryan questioned, making you roll your eyes. âYou think I called you down so you could be all over each other?âÂ
âShut up.â Sarah stuck out her tongue, teasing the latter from where she stood.Â
You scrunched your nose, tensing when you sensed Rafeâs burning glare from the corner of your eyes. The boyâs glances were intense, almost as if he was staring at you for the purpose of undressing you with his gaze, and that, yeah, it never failed to knock a breath out of your chest, creating a flustered mess out of you.Â
Sarah returned to her old position, standing behind the counter with you following in her steps, striving to see what they were up to. Your lips formed into an âoâ shape, peaking with interest when you noticed the deviled eggs Ryan was plating.
âThat looks good,â you hummed, turning in Ryanâs direction, who conceitedly nodded, proud of the dish they had displayed on the counter. âDonât people usually make these for thanksgiving, though?â
âThatâs what I said!â Sarah agreed, giggling when Ryan grumbled, disapproving of your statement.Â
âYouâre acting like youâre not gonna eat them!â He elbowed your side, acknowledging you with his chin when you hissed, faking a pained expression. âStop complaining and grab more plates, we need them for the mash potatoes.âÂ
âThe only thing missing is the turkey, at this point.â You scoffed, mumbling to yourself, though Ryan could still hear you. âWhereâs the plates?âÂ
âUhh,â Sarah started, observing the cabinets behind you. She pointed to one of them with her finger, your eyes instantly following where her digit landed. âYou can find some in there.â
With a nod, you shuffled to approach the stacked cabinets, aiming for the one Sarah was referring to. A groan instantly escaped your throat, gaze trailing up to the plates positioned on the top shelf.Â
âWhy on earth are these cabinets so high?â You whined, standing on your tippy toes to grab the dishes, merely to end up with nothing in your grasp. âAnd why are you putting plates on the top shelf?! None of you could reach them!âÂ
You extended your arm once again, stretching out your body in an attempt to seize the plates, losing your balance when you maintained the same position for a little too long, eventually failing to achieve what you were aiming for.Â
Ryan mumbled a few words of complaints, rushing you to grab the plates faster, though he noticed that you were struggling, not offering to step in and help you. You paused for a second, calculating how you were going to capture the plates without asking for help, as that was a no in your watch.Â
Right, you could use a chair, and although that was quite the embarrassment, it was the only option you had, even if it meant making a fool out of yourself.Â
âHere, lemme try.âÂ
You tensed where you stood, breath hitching when Rafe shuffled behind you, his broad chest colliding against your back. Your vision blurred as you inhaled his scent, his musky cologne intoxicating your senses.Â
Your gaze trailed up his arm, where it hovered over your shoulder, the brief contact sending goosebumps down your spine. And if you werenât aware before, you definitely are now, enjoying the sight of him towering over you a little too much for your liking.Â
The latter grunted as he reached for the plates, capturing them with a little difficulty. The sound instantly echoed through your ears, blinding you whole, that you had no right being this into it. Your mind wandered with thoughts you shouldnât even ponder about, not as the boy was innocently stepping in to help, when your own brother couldnât.Â
âThere you go.â Rafe muttered, voice barely above a whisper. He placed the plates on the counter in front of you, moving to catch sight of your reaction, chuckling when he noticed how flustered you were, mouth slightly parting with an exhale. âDid I startle you? Sorry, I was jusâ tryinâ to help.âÂ
âRight,â you said through a breath, blinking far too many times for your liking. âThank you, Iâ that was really nice.âÂ
âMhm.â He leaned his arm over the counter, admiring you with a knowing smile tugging at his lips. He stood still for a moment, almost as if he was seeking something out of you, perchance a reply, if that was even appropriate in this situation.
âWhat?â You asked, cluelessly staring back at him, fingers clutching the plates you had in hand.Â
âCould you hurry up!â Ryan interrupted, causing you to jolt from where you stood, leaving Rafe hanging as you headed in your brotherâs direction. âThe foodâs about to run cold.â
âYou couldâve helped me grab them, dickhead.â You scoffed, failing to keep your eyes to yourself as you stole a glance in Rafeâs direction, breath catching in your throat when you spotted him yet staring at you, with the same mischievous smile he had from earlier.Â
Heâs only helping, youâre acting like this because it caught you off guard, right? Fuck, you were totally screwed, how were you supposed to act normal when Rafe was behaving like a gentleman, doing everything in his power to make you comfortable, whether itâs him helping you grab the plates, or him offering you a drink with the scorching hot sun.Â
Either way, this was bad, for your mental being, and the boundaries you created for yourself. Itâs only been a day, what will happen in the next few weeks youâre spending with him? You donât know, but what you do know is that theyâll be hell, tortuous, even.
Sarah passed you the pot of mash, politely asking you to plate it, making it hard for you to refuse the request. You did as told, doing it as neatly as physically possible, with Ryan nagging over your head, telling you to be more cautious in the process.Â
You managed to get what you were asked for done, with the boy pestering you nonstop throughout it, creating a frustrated mess out of you. Rafe offered a helping hand, arranging the plates on the table, for each person they were serving.Â
The elders came through the front door, having been gone for most of the time theyâve been here, excusing themselves for what you assumed was a business meeting. You embraced your mom in a hug, presenting the food to her with your free arm, snickering when she squealed, taken aback by all the food displayed on the table.Â
Dinner was chaotic, filled with chatter and giggles as everyone bonded over the food, getting to catch up with each other. Ward was quite the man, and while you did dislike him, witnessing all the times he was harsh to Sarah, you couldnât dodge his curious questions, not when everyone surrounding you thought of you as angel who wouldnât hurt a fly.Â
You kept to yourself for most of the time, amused by Sarah and Ryan arguing over who cooked each dish, fighting to claim their credit. And as for Rafe, well, he was there, sitting besides Ryan, who was across from you.
âYouâre oddly quiet, Bug.â Sarah suddenly started, talking over the elders, who were chatting about business. âIs everything okay?â
âHuh, yeah!â You nodded, flashing her an endearing smile, one Sarah contently returned.Â
âItâs only âcause thereâs people around,â Ryan clicked his teeth, having heard the conversation. âTrust, sheâs such a brat, donât encourage her to keep talking, otherwise, sheâll never shut up.âÂ
âCan you not?â You muffled through gritted teeth, kicking his foot from underneath the table. âCould you also move? Youâre all up in my space.âÂ
âThatâs uh,â Rafe choked out, taking a sip off of the glass of water splattered across his side of the table. âThatâs my leg.âÂ
You froze your spot, eyes widening with shock when you peaked under the table, discerning that it was Rafeâs leg you were kicking, Ryanâs far back positioned inches away from his chair. Sarah mimicked your action, chuckling when she caught sight of the ridiculous sight, entertained by the situation.Â
âOh my god, Iâm so sorry.â You apologized, eyebrows furrowing with concern. âI thought you were Ryan.â
âItâs okay.â He dismisses, flashing you a gentle smile. âSorry for ruining your uhâ plans.âÂ
âWhy are you apologizing?â Ryan jutted his lips into a pout, turning to glimpse at Rafe, whose face filled with concern. âYouâre supposed to defend me. Why are you taking her side?âÂ
âMhm,â Rafe hummed, going along with the bit. His fingers found the curve of Ryanâs jaw, cupping his face in a teasing manner. âDid I hurt your feelings? Iâm sorry, Iâll be more cautious next time. Do you want a kiss, sweetheart?âÂ
Ryan nodded, nuzzling into the latterâs hand, letting his eyes fall shut when Rafe leaned forward, placing a chaste kiss to his forehead. The mere sight made you sick to your stomach, with Sarah just as cringed out as you were, grumbling with detest.
Looks like you had some competition.Â
âCan you not?â Sarah huffed, âWeâre eating.âÂ
âShe doesnât get it.â Ryan shook his head with disappointment, withdrawing from the touch. Rafe agreed by nodding, patting Ryanâs shoulder before he got back to eating, acting as if that was the normalest thing theyâve done over dinner.Â
Fancy plating was all fun and games until you had to do the dishes, and with the little work you did tonight, it did not look good on your watch. Ryan excused himself out of the list, with Sarah following behind, informing you that they made dinner, meaning it was your turn to do the dishes.Â
Which, truth be told was fair, you totally understood where they were coming from, because if that was you, you wouldâve done the same thing.Â
âIâll help out.â Rafe joined in, the suggestion creating a nervous mess out of you.Â
Thatâs how you ended up in front of the sink, watching as plates piled up with every dish Rafe brought, instantly joining your side after he tidied up the table, wiping it clean to ensure a disinfected setting.Â
Your contained giggles seeped through the silence, observing as Rafe clumsily scrubbed a plate, stumbling as it almost slipped from his hands. A sigh of relief escaped his parted lips, tightening his hold around it before it could further slither through his fingers.Â
âYou donât need to do it.â You uttered, catching Rafeâs attention, who turned to face you with a smug grin spread across his lips, oblivious to the teasing smile you flashed him.
âWhy?â He curled one of his eyebrows with confusion, scrubbing the plate with all his might, though it was past its limit. âDo you not want my help?â
âItâs not that,â you playfully rolled your eyes, rinsing off the excess soap. âIt just looks like youâre struggling.âÂ
ââThat so?â He shot back, mimicking your action, copying your each move to make sure heâs doing it right.Â
âMhm.â You mused, letting silence linger through the air, atmosphere heaving with tension.Â
âYou know,â Rafe started, eyes glued to his gloved hands. âYouâre different over text.âÂ
You almost drop the plate in your hand, caught off guard by the latterâs statement. Rafe maintained a blank expression, continuing what he was doing while you tensed in your spot, too dumbfounded to move, or respond.Â
âIââ you stammered, abandoning the dishes piled in the sink, and focusing your whole attention on Rafe. âWhy are you bringing that up?âÂ
âShould I not?â He questioned, stealing a swift glance in your direction as he cocked his head to the side, intrigued by how the conversation was flowing. âI mean, you did text me this morning, am I supposed to pretend it didnât happen?â
âYou said it yourself,â you started, suddenly feeling your throat go dry. âRyanâs my brother, it would be best if we didnât discuss this.âÂ
âWhy not?â He muttered, voice barely above a whisper. âItâs not like weâre doinâ anythinâ weird, yâknow? I mean, you did leave an impression on me.â
âimpression?â You repeated, jeered by his words as your mouth moved faster than your brain. âDid you know weâd be meeting here?âÂ
âWell,â he replied, rinsing off the soapy dishes. âI canât say I didnât.â
âWhy didnât you say anything, then?â You whispered, afraid others would overhear your conversation. âHad you told me, I wouldnât have continued speaking to you. Do you know how awkward things are now that youâre here?âÂ
âWhy?â Rafe hushed out, pausing for a second, before he turned to face you, now leveling his face with your own. âAm I making you nervous?âÂ
Your throat ran dry, taken aback by the question. Was he flirting with you? And if not, why did it have such a big effect on you? Tolling you with temptation in ways you knew were impossible, out of reach, even.Â
âWhat?â You uttered through a breath, face flushing with heat. âNoâ no itâs justââ
âIâm just messing.â He snickered, amused by how flustered you grew, stuttering to mutter a coherent statement out.Â
âThat wasnât funny.â You grumbled out, fluttering your eyes at the latter, visibly embarrassed by the reaction the boy received from you.Â
âRight.â He chuckled, not sounding convinced at all.Â
The next few minutes filled with tension, as you both fell quiet, letting silence heave the air. Rafe didnât seem as affected as you were, maintaining a blank expression the whole time you were a mess, too embarrassed to be in the boyâs presence, who seemed oblivious to the uncomfortable atmosphere he had created.Â
You instantly excused yourself to your room afterwards, telling the boy you were sleepy, though it was too early for bed. You needed a moment to yourself, even if it meant lying through your teeth.
Besides, you werenât the only one who was gone, as Sarah was nowhere in sight, disappearing once you were done. She was probably talking to her boyfriend, hence you know how clingy they were with each other.Â
You took a quick shower, freshening up before bed, immediately followed with your skin care routine, playing soft music in the background while you did so. You dressed yourself in comfortable pajamas, instantly slipping under your covers, letting the warmness engulf your body whole.Â
Your eyes droswed with sleep, after a few hours of scrolling through your phone, not noticing the time, only acknowledging how late it was when you received a notification that earned your attention. Your breath almost hitched as you opened the DM, caught off guard by who it was from.Â
It was Rafe.
a/n THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT ON THIS WTH!! i wasnt expectingt it ily mwahh!! & just a little fyi this story will have more irl parts, it wont be solely sm based as i alr have stated in the beginning! it will definitely have social media, but im not abandoning the irl part of it yk đŁ that being said, feel free to lmk if you want to be removed/added to the taglist :) (in order to stay on it, you need to interact with the posts)
TAGLIST @greyswaren @slut-4-gojo @depthsofdespairr @littlelamy @lilithblackkk @cnnamongrl @mattyskies @percysley @jaklvbub @inlovewithdob @ilovefiction4lmen @theeternaloptimistt @maybejj @icaqttt @idgasb @purplerose291 @shincidios @laniirackssss @malibuhearts @adulterated-cocaine @bugg06 @murdockcastleslut @drwstarkeys @pretymads @klmaaaoooo @wearemadeofstardust0 @urbrunettebombshell @stylestarkey @riverxsq @louxmcl @totalswag @cl4uus @simpforboys @tearsfromasliverwolf-blog @bilssturns @fandomhopped @strsdoulikedem @congratsloserr @dr3wstarkey @xoxo-ada @stvrligghtt @rafeswhoooreee @kythefangirl25 @chaneydoll @blushmimi @akobx @empath-bunny @flirtism @stopnala @rafecameronswifeyy
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x brat!reader#rafe cameron smau#rafe cameron social media au#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe obx#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron smut#drew starkey#outer banks
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Sorry Won't Fix This
lando norris x fem reader
summary: Lando makes the biggest mistake of his life, bigger than any apology, and you both hoped there was a way to fix it. Unfortunately, you both wished it at different times. (5.5k words)
warnings: angst, cheating, mentions of sex, manipulation, mede up characters, use of Y/N
a/n: I FINALLY WROTE MORE ANGST! This is a long one and I held nothing back. I really did try to make it as hurtful and dramatic as possible and ngl I was inspired by 'Don't worry darling' for a tiny part of this (you'll know when you read it) but anyway, this one does NOT have a happy ending so please let me know what you think!
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You had a terrible feeling, but you were too scared to look into it, terrified you would be right.Â
Truth is, you started feeling like that just a few weeks ago, when you went back to Landoâs apartment to surprise him with lunch and found an empty room and the bed unmade from somebody sleeping on it. Any other day that wouldâve been completely normal, but you had stayed with him the night before and made the bed as soon as you both got up to get ready for your separate plans for the day, leaving a perfectly made bed to come back to.Â
Before that day, you wouldâve never in a million years thought that Lando would cheat on you. He had always been so loving and caring, even before you started dating, and once you officially became a thing, he would constantly remind you how much he loved you, and on special days he was the most romantic person ever, and you always thought that you would spend the rest of your life with him, but now... you didnât want to think about it, but you couldnât bury the thought of him with someone else after it crossed your mind briefly while looking at the messy bed.
Later that night you asked him about it, trying hard not to sound like you were accusing him of something, but his excuse just made you feel worse, your suspicions growing.
âWhat do you mean?â He asked as he inspected his bed, unsure of what was wrong with it.Â
âWell, you know, I made the bed this morning before we left, remember?â
âOh, uh- yeah, I came back to- to take a nap,â he stuttered, not even looking at you.Â
But it kept happening, a few more times.
Things started to change after that; he cancelled the plans you made for when he came back home, he suddenly was too busy every day and your presence might be a distraction for all the things he had to get done for the next race, he was so tired at night he didnât have the energy for anything, and he even asked you to go back to sleep in your own apartment, claiming he just needed to sleep on his own to be comfortable, even though you were used to sleeping together.
Long story short, he was distant; he was never around anymore, and even when he was, you felt like you were missing him. He was just... different, and you were beating herself up wondering what had changed.
He, on the other hand, didnât miss you, seeing he didnât make an effort anymore and he could go days without answering a text or returning a call, ââand it was not because you took a long time to reply; you would always respond in a heartbeat if it was him. If it werenât for all the times you visited him at his apartment when a news outlet brought up that he was back in Monaco to make sure he was doing okay, you wouldnât talk to each other at all.
But today you were feeling hopeful. It was your anniversary, and you had a date night planned â a date he didnât cancel, so you took the entire afternoon to do your nails, your hair, and pick a beautiful dress to wear, his favourite dress. Your makeup took a while, but you still managed to be ready on time for the wonderful night you had ahead, so you made your way to him, your palms sweating when you knocked on the door.
âY/N? What are you doing here?â Was the first thing he asked, wiping her smile off of her face.
âI thought we would go out tonight,â you replied, looking down at your hands to hide your clear disappointment.
âOh- I guess I forgot to tell you but I remembered I have an important meeting tomorrow morning, so Iâm not gonna make it." The door was barely open, and he was standing where the crack was, blocking his apartment as he held the door with a strong grip.
âOkay,â your voice was so faint you barely heard it yourself. âDo you need anything? I could stay here for a couple of hours.â
âNo, donât worry about it. I think itâs better if you leave.â
Tears pricked your eyes, swallowing the small lump forming in your throat. âWhy?â
âWell, Iâm busy with a few things. You know, I have a really early day tomorrow, and you canât really help me with a McLaren meeting, can you?â
You shook your head slowly âI guess Iâm leaving then.â
The tears you had been holding started to fall as soon as you turned around; you could feel your mascara clumping on your eyelashes and forming black streaks down your cheeks, ruining the contour and highlight you applied in hopes of impressing your boyfriend. You ran back to your car and let it all out once you closed the door. You really thought things would be different tonight, but you were wrong.
You started driving to your best friendâs house, desperate to vent about how terrible your relationship was going since you had been keeping a secret from everyone; the last thing you needed was the media to get in the middle of this.Â
âOh my god, Y/N. Are you okay?â Mia asked you when she saw the mascara tears.
You shook your head as you stepped inside, small whimpers leaving your lips as you tried to stop the crying.
âWhat happened?â She took your hand and guided you to the couch.
âLando.âÂ
âWhat about Lando?â
âI think heâs cheating on me." You had never said that out loud, and saying it broke your heart even more. âI wish I was crazy, but the signs... I know he is.â
âIâm not trying to defend him or anything, but what makes you think that?â
âEverything, Mia. He has been acting so... distant. Ever since-â You stopped yourself. You never told anyone your relationship with Lando wasnât doing so well, making up excuses to cover his. You just wanted to hold on to everyone elseâs idea of you two, thinking you were the perfect couple.
âWhat? Have you guys been fighting?â
You took a deep breath before saying, âRemember the last time I stayed over at his apartment?â She nodded in response, âWell, later that day I went back to surprise him with lunch, but he wasnât there and the bed was a complete mess, and you know I always make the bed when I wake up. He said he went back to take a nap, but he was supposed to be with Carlos all morning, and it didnât make sense he had time to come back, take a nap, and then leave again, so I asked Carlos, and they didnât meet at all that day. Is that insane?â
"No, Y/N, of course not.â Mia didnât know what to say; she wanted to comfort you but she didnât know how. âAnd heâs been acting weird since then?â
You nodded, wiping your tears away. âYeah, heâs been pushing me away since that day. Telling me he doesnât have time because heâs so busy with the season, which I understand, but not even answering a couple of texts? And cancelling every date we had planned?â
âIs that what happened today? I thought it was your anniversary.â
âIt is.â You were nibbling on your lip profusely, looking up so tears would stop falling. âI donât know what Iâm gonna do.â
âHave you told him how you feel?â You shook your head again; you hated confrontation, and you were hoping you didnât have to do that. âI think you should go talk to him.â
âRight now?â
âIf not now, then when? You say youâve been feeling like somethingâs off for a while, but you havenât said anything to him.â
âI donât know Mia-â
âIf he is cheating on you then you need to break up with him, you donât deserve to be in that situation, and you deserve to know the truth.â
You inhaled as you considered what Mia just said. She was right, but to be completely honest, you werenât ready yet. âI really want to know, but I can't.â
âWhy not?â
âBecause what if he is?â Tears started rolling down your face again, Mia hugging you tight as soon as it happened. âI love him, and... I just want things to go back to normal.â
âI know you do, but believe me, itâs better if you know.â
You stayed there for a while, but ultimately decided to go talk to him, but you needed to put yourself back together before confronting him. Mia helped you to wash your face and fix your hair, comforting you and offering to stay with you once the two of you were done talking. You accepted; you didnât want to be alone, and Anne, your flatmate, had been going out of town a lot recently, so your apartment was empty, and you knew itâd be a long night.
Once you felt better and ready to talk to him, Mia drove you to his place as you repeated in your head everything you wanted to tell him. You knocked loudly and didnât stop until he opened. He looked annoyed, and you stormed inside as soon as he opened the door.
âWhat are you doing?â
âWe need to talk.â
âAbout what?âÂ
You blinked at him twice. Did he not think you needed to talk? âAbout us, Lando. What���s going on?â
âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
Okay, now you were mad. âLando, you have been ignoring me for days, and I understand if youâre busy, but it doesnât explain you pushing me away at all times.â
âIâm sorry if you feel that way.â
There was a moment of silence, both of you staring at each other as you tried to remember the questions you were supposed to ask, but none of them seemed to make sense now that you were standing in front of him âThatâs all youâre gonna say?â
âWhat do you want me to say?âÂ
âHow about you tell me exactly whatâs going on?â
You were both raising your voices, but Lando especially. âI told you already, Iâve been busy with the season-â
âI couldâve stayed here with you or gone with you to races if that meant spending more time together, like we have done before.â
âBut why would you want to do that?â
âTo keep you company, maybe?âÂ
âBut all you do is stand around while I do my job.â
âLando, do you know how many weeks Iâve spent away from home just so we can be together? And you donât even care anymore, you didnât even care to say thank you.â
âI never asked you to come,â he mumbled.
You scoffed before shaking your head. âI wanted to, you know I worry about you when you stress yourself out about a race, you tend to overwork yourself-â
âI. Never. Asked. You. To. Come." He interrupted you, his tone punctuated with each word. âI wouldâve been fine without you, I donât need you in my hair at all times." His eyes hardened, his mouth opening to speak again. âDonât you have better things to do?â
âI just- Iâm your girlfriend, I guess I thought you liked to be with me.â
âI do, but you donât have to be so clingy all the time.â
You didnât say anything, hoping you heard it wrong or that heâd apologise, but he didn't. âWhat?â
âYou know, we do everything together and-â
âNo, we used to do things together, not everything." You corrected him.
He took a deep breath, as if he was done dealing with you. âRight. Look, Iâm tired, we can talk tomorrow.â
You nodded, holding back the tears as you walked towards the door. âHappy anniversary,â you said before slamming it closed and running back to Miaâs car.
Lando sat on his couch with his head between his hands for a moment. How could he forget? He took a deep breath as he got up, looking for a ribbon and a gift he bought for you who knows how long ago.
He made his way to Miaâs flat; he assumed you would be there, and your car parked outside confirmed his suspicions, so he knocked on the door a couple of times before saying, âBaby, Iâm sorry. I was caught up in all the things I have to do before leaving, and I didnât realise what day it was." But he got no response. âY/N please, I know youâre here. Will you please talk to me?â
âGo away, Lando.â Mia was the one to yell, making Lando realise he would not be able to fix it, not tonight anyway.Â
âOkay, Iâm leaving this here. I- I love you.â
You called in sick for your job the next day, your sore eyes and pounding headache being the only things you could think about. Well, that and Lando.
You were staring at the gift he bought for your one-year anniversary â what you were supposed to celebrate the day before. It was beautiful, and you couldnât believe he remembered you mentioning it on one of your first dates ever, but it was the letter inside that broke your heart. It looked... unfinished, like he didnât even care enough to give it a proper ending, so you were wondering how long ago he stopped working on it.
The days after that were rough, long nights of wondering what you could have possibly done wrong, but even then you didnât talk to him. He tried to, a couple of times, but you needed a little bit of time.
A couple of weeks went by, and you found yourself alone at your apartment, catching up on the work you missed for calling in sick so many times.
It was your birthday, and Mia insisted a million times you go out and celebrate, clear your head, and forget about Lando once in for all, but somehow it felt wrong; you had made plans with Lando a few months back to bring your family to a race so they could finally meet him, but obviously that wasnât happening anymore, so what was the point of celebrating? You just needed to focus and get things done anyway.
You were thankful that Mia had been for you through it all; you really were, but sometimes crying alone did more for you than having someone tell you âeverything's gonna be okay.' You were tired of hearing that.
Hours later, you found yourself with a cup of coffee to finally catch up on the last project. It wasnât really that much of a workload, and you didnât need to stay up all night to do that, but you were going to anyway. Perhaps you just wanted to be productive, or maybe that was you trying to occupy your mind from the possibility of your boyfriend cheating on you.
You looked at the clock; it was 11:30 PM. You sighed, typing away whatever you were supposed to on your laptop, your eyes sore from staring at it for too long, when a text message interrupted you.
Unknown [Attachment: 1 photo]
Unknown: I heard they have been at it for a while.
That text message induced such a great shock on your tired, worn-out body, tears falling down your face as soon as you read it. You didnât want to open it as you were sure of what this was about, but your curiosity got the best of you.
Tapping on the notification, you prepared yourself mentally to confirm your terrible suspicions. And they were confirmed.
Your vision was blurry from the tears, but you were able to see Lando standing next to his new Ferrari, and he was with someone else, except you couldnât see who it was, the big jacket and a beanie protecting her identity. He was smiling down at her, eyes full of... love? Those green eyes you thought he reserved for you only, but clearly you were wrong. His big hands were around her waist as hers went around his neck, and his lips were stained with lipstick.
You broke down crying, curled up on your bed as you wore one of Landoâs hoodies that still smelt like him. You now knew what the truth was, but you didnât want to accept it. What happened to you two? When did he stop loving you?
It was like your heart was ripped from your chest; all that time you spent together down the drain like it was nothing, like it all meant nothing to him.
You didnât know for how long you cried the night before, but it was now 1 PM and you were just waking up, so you probably cried for hours. There was nothing left you could do to save your relationship, so you made up your mind to break up with him as soon as he came back from the American triple header.
Y/N: We need to talk, just let me know when youâre here.
The message was left unanswered, as usual. You rolled your eyes and put your phone down, returning to your video call with Mia.
âDo you know who that is?â
âNo, sorry.âÂ
You sighed as you sipped your hot coffee âWhat about the number? Do you know who sent the picture?â
âWhatâs the number? Maybe I can ask around to see if any of my friends know.â
You sent her the phone number, along with the picture of Lando and the other girl. âThanks. Donât show anyone that picture thought. Iâm already embarrassed as it is.â
âEmbarrassed? Y/N, he should be the embarrassed one, you didnât do anything wrong.â
âMaybe I did-â
âNo, stop doing that to yourself. We both know itâs not your fault.â
You nodded. âI canât help it. I just donât understand.â
âUnderstand what?â
âWas I not enough? Why did he need to find someone else?â
Mia hated to see you going through that, how you felt like you were not enough or that it all ended because of you, and she hated Lando for causing all of that. âI know itâs hard right now, but I promise youâll understand that none of this is your fault. Y/N youâre amazing, and heâs an idiot for not realising.â
Talking to her made you feel better, but all those terrible emotions came back whenever you looked at the picture again, a million questions invading your mind. How long has he been doing this? Who is she? Does he still love you? What did you do wrong?
A couple of days later, Lando finally replied to your text.
Lando: Just got back. Iâm in my apartment
Your heart sank at the notification; you didnât want to talk to him; you didnât want things to be over. There was still a part of you that hoped everything was just a misunderstanding, hoping he wasnât cheating on you and she was just a friend. But deep down you knew the truth, and the possibility of it being a mix-up was down to zero, and after he made it clear that he didnât want to be in a relationship with you anymore, you decided to fulfil his wishes.
It was a long drive to his home; it felt longer than usual, but maybe you were just dreading the conversation you knew was about to happen.
You took a deep breath before knocking on the door, Lando opening it almost right away.
"Hey,â he said faintly, worried he got caught.
âHi.â You entered the apartment you once thought you would move into and looked around. You had been there a million times, and so many of those times were special little moments you shared together, but right now it felt like you were disconnected from the space. âHow was the triple header?â
âNot great- I donât know. It was messy, I guess." He tried to give you a smile but stopped himself when he noticed your stare full of fury. âWhat did you want to talk about?â
Seriously? âIâm breaking up with you." Your voice was weak, but you did not dare let a tear slip past your waterline; he didnât deserve to see you cry.Â
âWhat?â The shock in his eyes looked so real that you almost believed him âWhy?â
âDid you really just ask that?â
âSo thatâs it? Weâre over?â
âLando, come on, weâve been over for a while." You stepped closer to him, pain and anger written all over your face as the tears struggled to stay on your eyes. âWe didnât even feel like a couple anymore. Lando, you forgot our anniversary, and that day you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me. And to think I planned a beautiful night for us and bought you a great gift. Do you have any idea how stupid I felt?âÂ
âI didnât know you were feeling like that.â
âOf course not, when have you ever listened to me anyway?â
Lando rolled his eyes âOkay, I understand, but we donât have to break up, I already explained what happened that day, I was busy and completely lost track of time.â
âAnd I guess she doesnât have anything to do with this?â You showed him the picture, his demeanour changing immediately.
âY/N, I- Iâm sorry, baby, Iâm so sorry." His eyes and his voice softened as he tried to reach for you, but you turned around and wiped the tears that managed to leave your eyes, a million questions flooding your mind again.
âSo itâs true." You were just confirming to yourself what you already knew. Anger and pain washed over your body. Why her? Why her when youâve been nothing but perfect to the man you loved the most?
âBaby, I can explain.âÂ
You turned around to face him again âWho is she?â He shook his head, his eyes begging you not to make him say it while yours watered, âWho is she?â You repeated.
âYou donât wanna know.â
âWhy? Cause I might find out youâre cheating?â
A few tears started to roll down his face, his hands desperate to hold yours. âI canât.â
âWhy not?â
âCause youâre gonna hate me even more." You stared at him, even more tears falling as you tried to think who the girl could be.Â
âDid you two- did you sleep with her?â His nod was barely perceptible; if you didnât already know the answer, you wouldâve missed it. Maybe he was right; maybe itâd be better if you didnât know.Â
âIâm sorry, baby, Iâm so sorry.â
âStop it.â
âI know I fucked up, but she doesnât mean anything to me, I swear.â
âShut up, Lando. I just⌠I donât understand.â
âLet me explain-â
âAnd I donât care how many times you apologise, how do you expect me to forgive you?â You took a couple of steps back, trying to figure out what caused him to do such a thing. âEven if we stayed together and got married and started a family, how can I ever look at you and not think about that?â
"Baby, I want all of that, I want the rest of my life with you, like we talked.â
âThat was before you ruined everything.â
âI know what i did is wrong-â
âWrong?â
âBut we can work this out.â
âWhat? No, Lando, stop.â
âJust give me another chance, please.â
âIs that why you've been so distant, huh? Was she here on our anniversary?â Lando didnât say anything, and the flashes from Lnadoâs knuckles turning white from holding the door closed that night creeped your mind. Your heart ached so much that every time you breathed deeply, it was scorching you to the core âHow could you do that?â
âI shouldnât have done that, Iâm sorry.â
âStop apologising.â
âYou know I didnât mean it.â
âJust stop⌠god.â
âY/N just hear me out, I swear it only happened once.â
âAre you fucking kidding me? I know thatâs not true. Do you know how many times I came to an unmade bed? And how many excuses you made?â He stayed silent. âI donât care how many times it happened, you still did it and nothing is gonna change that.â
âI know.â
âYouâve been hurt before, right? What if I was the one cheating? Would you just forget it ever happened and come back to me?â Once again, he didnât say anything. âNo. Of course you wouldnât. Lando, how could I ever forget what you did? Or everything you said to me when we were fighting, and the fact that you lied and- and cheated-â
âBut you came all the way here.â
âBecause I care, and you... you never cared, you never tried-â
âI care, I care so much. Baby, please, you have to believe me." He tried to reach out to you, but you pushed his hand away.
"No, you donât, and if Iâm here, itâs because I know after this weâll never see each other again, weâll never talk again and this just has to end.â
âBut I donât want it to end.â
âWell, you ended it when you cheated on me.â
He stared at you for a moment before continuing. âBut⌠I want you, she didnât mean anything to me." He approached you again, his hope growing a little when you didnât stop him. He put a strand of hair behind your ear, softly brushing your cheek. âI know I fucked up but I canât go on without you, I just can't.â
âWell you have, countless times while I was left in the dark wondering if I had done something wrong, crying myself to sleep when I couldnât get a hold of you, Lando, and in the meantime you were with her.â
âIâm sorry-â
âAnd you have the nerve to say all that shit to me, acting like I was suffocating you when in reality I was trying to save us!â You pushed him away.
âIâm so sorry.â
âNo, youâre not.â
âY/N, Iâm sorry, please letâs talk about it.â
âFine, letâs talk about it. Was she worth it?â He shook his head, ready to leave his pride behind as he kneeled in front of you and grabbed one of your hands. âWhat are you doing? Stop.â
âI promise it was an accident, it wonât happen again.â
âAn accident? Lando, are you hearing yourself right now?â
âPlease, donât let me go." The grip on your hand tightened, pulling you closer to him.
âIsnât that what you wanted?âÂ
âNo. I donât want anyone else, I want you, Y/Nâ
âYou donât have to worry about me anymore.â
âBut everything I said... I meant it, I love you Y/N and every second weâve been together has meant everything to me. Baby, you have to understand.â
âLiar.â
âIâm not lying, you know Iâm not." You pushed his hand away, rolling your eyes when another tear rolled down his face. âI know I donât deserve it but please... just one more chance and I can fix this.â
âGive you a chance? I gave you a chance when I believed your excuses, when I forgave you for cancelling every date we had planned, when I tried to understand why you locked me out, and when I almost forgave you for forgetting our anniversary, I gave you so many fucking chances!â
âBut I swear it wasnât like that, she meant nothing.â
âYouâre unbelievable⌠god, what are you saying?â
âJust think about how great we are together,â he said, trying to hold your torso, but once again you stopped him.Â
âLando, stop that.â
âWeâre a great team, arenât we? We understand each other so well, we know each other better than anyone else, god, Iâll do anything, I swear.â
âNo, itâs not gonna work.â
âYes it will, and Iâll make sure of that.â
âNo.â You were having a hard time blocking out how much love you still had for him, but you werenât forgiving him; there was no way.
âI swear I donât want anyone else." He held your hands and started kissing them, his lips giving you a sense of home that you missed. "Y/N, please, I love you.âÂ
You nodded weakly as you started crying again.
âYou know I love you and I would do anything for you." He continued kissing you, a few tears falling on your hands. âDo you still love me?â
âI love you... Lan-â You released one of your hands from his grip, squeezing your eyes shut and covering your face.
âSee? It will work, we will make it work." You shook your head; you were feeling stupid for almost falling for that. "Baby, look at me, itâs going to be okay, I promise.â
A moment of silence fell into the room as you collected your thoughts again, and he just looked at you hopeful that he could get you back. âWho is she?â You dared to repeat the question as you looked at him again.
He didnât say anything for a few seconds, his voice barely above a whisper when he finally answered. "Annie.â
Annie, your flatmate Annie. She had never met Lando before you, and she wasnât interested in who he was when you first told her you started dating him, so you were the reason they knew each other for all those times he picked you up from your place, and even then you never considered them to be friends; they barely exchanged any words when they ran into each other. You felt betrayed on a whole new level, not only by Lando but by her too. You had lived with her for so long, literally since the day you moved to Monaco, so you thought of her as one of your closest friends; how could she do that? And these past weeks, when she had been mourning your relationship with Lando, she was there the whole time, and she knew exactly what was happening.
âHow long?â
You were getting annoyed at how long it was taking him to answer your simple questions. âThe day we went to meet my parents... I drove to your apartment to pick you up, but you werenât there yet.â
âSo you did it at my place?â It wasnât really a question, and you felt even more disgusted at the thought of them in your own home.
âIt was one moment of weakness.â
âOne moment of weakness?â He nodded, his hands now holding on to your hips. âBut it didn't stop there, did it?â
âIâm sorry.â
You swiped the tears away as you prepared to ask the question you had been asking yourself for weeks. âWhat does she give you that I can't?â
Lando shook his head quickly. âNothing, youâre everything I could ever ask for.â
âThen why did you do that?â
He didnât have an answer; he didnât really know how it happened or why it kept going, but he couldnât deny he was enjoying it before he got caught. âI donât know." He whispered.
âDo you love her?â
âNo, of course not. I love you." He was holding you tighter, convinced that if he held you long enough, you would want to stay.
âOh my god, Iâm so stupid.â
âYou know it didnât mean anything, it was a mistake-â
âGet your hands off me, Iâm leaving,â you said as you tried to free yourself.
âBaby, please donât leave, you have to hear me out.â
âLando, let go. I donât wanna be here." Your words struggled to come out from how much you were crying.Â
âPlease donât, I donât wanna let you go." He looked up at you, his eyes begging for forgiveness. âLetâs just talk about it, yeah? Let me explain.â
âSave it, Lando, itâs over.âÂ
âIâm sorry, I wonât do it again. This is obviously my fault, so Iâll do whatever it takes to get you to stay, just please, one more chance is all Iâm asking for.â You finally freed yourself, and your only goal was to go back to your apartment and cry all your pain away. You turned around and headed to the door; his hand tried to come to stop you, but you flinched away. You couldnât bear to hear another word from him. "Baby, please, I love you.â
You turned around to face him one last time, spotting Lando still on his knees in the middle of his living room. âSo youâve said, but how can you hurt someone you claim to love so much?â He was about to say something, but you didnât wanna hear it. âThereâs nothing you can do to get me to stay, you threw everything away.â
âI know, my love, but-â
âIâm gonna leave and youâre gonna stay here, just⌠leave me alone, I donât ever wanna see you again.â
You exited the room, leaving Lando alone and a complete mess. He regretted what he did, and he wanted to think that if you would just give him a chance to explain himself, youâd forgive him. But he knew that would never be the case and that his mistake was bigger than any apology; you were right to leave him.
He stared at the door for too long, taking in every emotion he was feeling: remorse, anger, pain, agony... he just felt like life was being sucked out of his body because he ruined the most important part of it, and thereâs no one to blame but himself.
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The Birdritch's Nest part 25
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âThat is a lot of plants,â Jason said. He swept his eyes over the space as he slipped his lock picks back into their little pouch.
âHe has a botanist friend, apparently, and she keeps giving him plants,â Dick explained as he squeezed past Jason and into the apartment.
âWhy are you here again?â
âBecause I have a car which is better to carry all of Dannyâs stuff in than your bike,â Dick explained. He went over to the wall of plants in front of the windowed corner and squinted down at something on his phone.
Jason pulled out his own phone to glance at what Tim had sent. âYou say âall Dannyâs stuffâ like the list was long. The guy hasnât exactly been demanding.â
âThe âguyâ expects to actually go home in a few days,â Dick pointed out.
âAnd is an adult and so can, you know, actually go home,â Jason retorted.
âDamianâs attached.â
ââŚI concede to your point,â Jason said once that thought sunk in. âDouble the clothing asked for?â
âBasically. Make sure that he has a weeks worth, Alfred can always do laundry,â Dick said before letting out a little noise of triumph and doing something over by the plants. âThere, watering system turned on.â
âCongratulations, youâre a genius,â Jason drawled. âNow go get his medication gathered up and snoop a little while youâre at it.â
âI thought we werenât supposed to be snooping,â Dick, words a teasing sing-song as he passed by.
Jason flicked him off. âLike you wouldnât anyways. I just want to know what you find.â
âOnly if you tell me what you find in the bedroom.â
âDeal.â
The bedroom was almost startlingly normal after the plant filled living main room. It didnât look like Danny really spent much time in it beyond sleeping. The bed was absentmindedly fixed, a black down comforter over pale blue sheets. There was a paperback on the nightstand next to a lamp and a pocket sized notebook with a pen clipped onto the bent and battered cover.
It was the first thing that Jason picked up.
The notebook was obviously where Danny made notes when he was already settled in bed. As Jason flipped through the pages there was everything from to-do lists to invention ideas to⌠a lot of thought about wings. Jason turned the notebook in his hands. That page wasnât in English. The language felt like it was on the tip of Jasonâs tongue but he just couldnât get it out.
Maybe some sort of dialect?
Jason couldnât actually read it, but there was enough to piece together from similarities that tugged on his memory. Enough to understand it was about the wings. Something about the process of change? Aging?
âHey Jay?â Dick interrupted, scattering Jasonâs thoughts. âCan you read the label on these bottles? Thereâs some serious printing issues happening, I canât even tell what language itâs in.â
The pill bottle felt oddly cold in Jasonâs hand when he took it from Dick, but maybe the bathroom just had shit heating in this place. It would be just like Gotham builders to mess that up.
âOh, thatâs the same thing Danny is writing in here,â Jason said passing the notebook to Dick. âItâs something about wings and getting old, I think, but I canât really read it.â
âRead it? I donât even know what it is. Gives me a headache just to look at it,â Dick grumbled as he flipped through the notebook. âThe whole bird thing has really been on his mind, hasnât it?â
Jason gave a little huff. âDo you blame him? The guy has wings now. It would be on my mind too.â
âYeah⌠guess I really canât,â Dick said and snapped a picture of the page with the unknown writing to send to the group chat. âAny idea what it is?â
âNope. Itâs like itâs a distant dialect or that it uses some of the same alphabet of something I learned some of once. Like how Chinese and Japanese use some of the same characters, you know?â Jason explained as he opened the side table drawer and then quickly closed it again. That was more than he needed to know about Danny. âMaybe something from when I was catatonic in the league, who knows. There were a lot of languages in that place.â
âCass or Damian might now it then,â Dick said as he eyed the drawer Jason had now moved away from.
âDonât, trust me,â Jason said. âDid you get the medications you needed to grab?â
âYeah, theyâre in the bag. Just a standard bathroom, really. Though he keeps his toothbrush in this old mug with a hero I donât recognize on it, someone called Phantom.â
âDoesnât ring a bell, but it sure sounds like a hero name. Add it to the list,â Jason said as he started on gathering up the requested clothing and extra enough to last a week. âCheck the closet to see if there are any shits in there that work around wings.â
Jason rolled his eyes as Dick threw the closet doors open dramatically and focused on his task. Jeans, sweatpants, underwear, what he guessed was pajamas were all added to the bag.
âSo, nothing that looks like it was made for wings,â Dick said and tossed some normal shirts and a few sweaters into the bag. Jason sighed and folded them neatly. âMaybe he hasnât had time to find any yet? It hasnât been that long since the bird thing and seems it all started there. Or maybe heâs just always home when heâs had then?â
âBetter let Alfred know then. Heâll want to get something as soon as possible.â
âYeah, good point,â Dick agreed.
While Dick stepped out of the bedroom to call Alfred, Jason took the time to double check the list. It really was pretty basic. Jason didnât know if Danny was just trying to not be demanding or if the guy didnât need much, but Jason went ahead and put the bedside paperback and notebook in the bad too. Jason slung the duffel bag Dick had brought over his shoulder (he totally could have ridden his bike like this) and took a little bit of time to snoop through Dannyâs bookcase while Dick finished the call. Sci-fi, horror, old text books, and a ton of notebooks filled the shelf with knickknacks and a few figures. Jason at least had to give Danny points for having some of the sci-fi classics, even if the range of works was pretty limited.
âOkay, Alfred is on it,â Dick said. âAnything else we need to do?â
âNah, I think weâre good,â Jason said. Something made him not want to look through the notebooks, like they had already done enough snooping. It was an odd feeling. âLetâs get going, Iâm hungry for whatever dinner is.â
âYouâre always hungry,â Dick said.
Jason shrugged rather than dealing with how true that statement was. âIâm a growing boy.â
âYouâre a trash pit.â
âYeah, you want to go there, cereal boy?â
âLeave my cereal out of it!â
---
AN: I do love writing Dick & Jason so much. Can you tell I have an older brother? Also sorry for the mistakes I'm sure are abounding. Guess who turns out to be anemic? This critter! Maybe getting that fixed will help...
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God, I'm so happy with what they did with Maddie Nolen.
I'm sure there will be plenty of people mad because obviously there was a weird backlash over a character who has sex with one half a ship, so I'm sure some people worry this will lead those people to feel justified in their initial response.
But ignoring people who can't emotionally regulate for a second, because those childish impulses aren't worth dictating the fun things a narrative can do: Maddie is SO INTERESTING as a character and she fills in a lot of the questions people seemed to have about the rest of the season.
Consider for a moment that it wasn't Caitlyn who convinced Vi to be an Enforcer. It was Maddie.
I know that some people took this line to be about Zaunites, a sort of obvious connection to the very racist idea of "one of the good ones," but since Maddie is talking about Marcus and his betrayal of the Enforcers just before this, I'm pretty sure her framing here is something else. The point she's making is specifically targeted at Vi's own beliefs and weaknesses, her desire to protect. That seems clear to me now with all we know about Maddie's capacity for manipulation.
She's not saying, "You're good, for a poor."
She's saying, "Wow, I agree with you, the Enforcers are really bad; it's so upsetting. I think you might be the only one who can change it, but only if you join us." This is what convinces Vi to do something she never thought she would.
Well, this and the fact that Caitlyn believes in her so much which, again, is information she gets fed to her directly from Maddie. It even seems like Maddie seeks her out just to say this, which on first viewing felt oddly convenient. Wow, Vi just happens to meet this naive girl who just happens to say exactly what she needs to hear to do something so out of character.
Except obviously none of it was coincidence. Everyone already knew how much Vi meant to Caitlyn and getting Caitlyn under control would require either controlling Vi or removing her from the equation. This was a push in that direction.
Then there's her more obvious role as the spy in Caitlyn's bed, there to reassure her that the Noxians are only trying to keep all of them safe. Then when Caitlyn expresses larger doubts, she's immediately ready to lay out an alternative. You could just give up, Maddie seems to whisper gently in her ear. Just reestablish things as they were before.
But she knows Caitlyn isn't going to go for that. She's not going to go back to the council as it was, because it's only going to remind her of the empty place her mother left behind. Maddie knows that Caitlyn isn't going to take this offer, which is precisely why she suggests it. She frames quitting as the only clear alternative to going along with everything Ambessa wants because she knows that Caitlyn will refuse, which leads her right back into alignment with Ambessa. She makes continued obedience into an active choice that Caitlyn affirms she's making.
Even Maddie's comments that suggest direct opposition to Ambessa â "you're our leader... I follow you" â are designed to frame herself and her true leader in direct opposition, just as Ambessa's own warning about entanglements is there to further that point. They both make a point of reminding Caitlyn that they are her true ally, isolating her further from anyone who isn't the devil and (other) devil on her shoulders.
This way Maddie and Ambessa can both tug at Caitlyn, pulling in what feels to her like opposite directions, all so that she lands precisely where they wanted her all along but with the illusion of active agency.
And look, I'm not saying my read on her is gospel, because I think they intentionally gave us enough room to really speculate and wonder about her, someone who could have been just a background nothing character but ends up being such a huge part of the second season. That's so interesting!
I especially love that she comes across as really naive and innocent, just some poor little thing swept up in the fervor, when in reality she's a true believer who has been manipulating things to go her way from the start.
#maddie nolen#arcane#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#when maddie first showed up my immediate feeling was ''oh noooo they made a sweet and innocent cop''#BUT NOPE.#they did NOT and that's so fucking funny
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