#not sure if thats just me or the fandoms i frequent

[lazyveran]

being in online spaces is so fun until it Isn't.

[wazzuppy]

tags from @empty-blog-for-lurking

another voltron meme for you. i love allura, she deserved so much better than the ending she got

[iid-smile]

hi... rhis might sound really random?? but ill be going on an indefinite hiatus. nothing bad is going on except studying and lack of inspo... just lost my love for writing, thats all.

(if u wanna know more which i doubt u can look in the read more... its really long + a bit at the beginning for moots so you dont have to scroll down) (this is unbelievably long)

to all of my moots, even those who i dont engage with as much, this might sound a little weird/creepy but i do check your blogs when i have the time. even if its just checking if youve updated and im just like "ooo so and so was here earlier" or "[insert moots/other blogs] are interacting! how fun" call it nosy but im just really interested in seeing you guys active lol

i may not directly say so, but i get worried when there isnt an update for a while... like i get worried when youre not here and i wish you the best, and im happy when you reappear again. sometimes i only have the time to skim through my following and like the most recent post, but i want to show that i see you all <3 its kind of embarrassing how upset i get when i see everyone is awake when im asleep and it feels a little late to compliment a new theme change when i didnt notice it earlier

i try to go into askboxes when i can (scary because i want to interact but idk what to say) and i guess some times ive been ignored...? thats okay! like i get it but i kinda dont... we're not just moots for the fb because followers arent that important to me. even for moots that dont mainly write for a fandom im in i do try to check for one that i can read and understand! (even trying to get into hq now bc a lot of my newer ones are into it judging by what i see on the dash) now that i think about it i really couldve just gone to the masterlists so thats my fault..

im not saying i expect frequent interactions because im more than happy just being moots in the first place, but im trying to say that new and old moots, i do love you guys and i want the best for you. it doesnt matter how close we are or if theres barely any interactions, i dont want you to feel stress or pressure and you should live good lives! 💗 im happy that we managed to meet on this huge platform! 🫶🫶🫶

(i really hope this didnt come off wrong because i dont dislike any of you at all! i think it sounds like im complaining but i just want friends and its personally difficult for me both just me as a person and because of timezones 😭)

ANYWAYS THE MAIN PART

i dont mean to blame any of you, but its kind of pressuring asking for a part two. like, it is flattering trust me, because it means you enjoy the work and want more. for some its probably obvious what fic im talking about but when theres already 50+ comments asking for a part two, and you add more onto that, it feels more like an obligation to do so. im sure i can see that theres many comments asking when the next part is, so dogpiling on top of it is just not a great feeling as a writer.

i think some people forget that writers write in their free time. its not a job and theres not really much satisfaction you can get out of it except knowing that theres people who love what you write. there are moments where i write a lot, and like right now, im not writing at all. i cant force myself to no matter how much i know i need to write, because then the result is unsatisfactory. this happens every time i try to do an event and i feel SO bad because youre probably so excited to receive work born from your own idea and im just not doing it??

i want you guys to enjoy what i write, but i only want to put out the best quality. on multiple occasions, even with no pressure, i feel like ive completely messed up something ive written because of my own standards. the more followers you accumulate, the better the writing should be, right? or thats what im thinking for myself... if i get embarrassed when i see somebodys liked it, then clearly i havent done well enough to consider it to be good. ive deleted many of my works if you havent noticed. the wbk ones are still up i think but i just dont think theyre good enough to be on my mlist.

ive never really mentioned engagement before... and i know im guity of it as well, but i do make an effort to. im not saying you have to reblog everything you read, but even just the occasional one that you really love, which is what i do. i havent gotten around to making a reblog sideblog just yet because i dont have the time, but just know that if i did, every fic that i like would have a reblog as well. followers and likes arent as important to me as reading or acknowledging that people want to share my work.

i dont feel as proud of my more liked fics compared to this one for example (even tho its one of my most popular bllk works but u get the point). it makes me sm happier just seeing a little comment or tag in the reblogs. its funny, and i actually did smile every time, because i really wasnt expecting people to like it that much or even get comments at all

please dont feel bad if you havent been engaging like this! im not ungrateful. we've all been there, and youre already doing good showing some form of appreciation by liking it. im glad that my hard work and improvement over six months has led me to this point.

and another thing, telling me to off myself really isnt as motivating as you think, even as a joke.

[orionsangel86]

I have been doing this meta analysis thing for a long time now and one thing that I have always tried to make clear in meta analysis is that for it to be taken seriously you must keep your personal biases out of it. You must come at it as objective as possible.

Rant under the cut

Its not always easy to do when you are dealing with difficult topics, or shining unfavourable lights on characters you love, or coming to conclusions that you werent expecting (recent meta discussions about Morpheus in the Sandman comics would fall into these categories).

What meta analysis should never be used for is to back up ship wars or specifically to shame fandoms for liking certain characters. If the meta isnt providing valid evidence to support the interpretations, and instead has fallen into name calling and mockery of fandom, its no longer valid meta.

I got this ALL the time in SPN fandom. Destiel was a huge fandom but as meta writers we stuck with what we were given by the source material and interpreted it with valid evidence. We understood that multiple interpretations were possible but we made sure that whatever we were analysing made sense and had some source backing. This wasnt always the case because meta writers are not a monolith, but the bigger blogs who wrote meta frequently at least understood this and would not be stretching to support their own claims if canon didnt back it up. Now no one is perfect of course, but the point is, proper meta writers understand that where they make a claim or interpretation of the source material, they have to site examples and evidence to back up their claims and also take into consideration any evidence to the contrary.

The people who hated destiel and made that their entire personalities didnt do that so much. I read a lot of their meta out of curiosity and every time I was baffled by where they were getting their claims. 'Destiel is necrophilia" was a big one which canon disproved almost straight away in season 5. "Destiel is rape" was another because Cas was using Jimmy as a vessel and yet canon confirmed Jimmy died at the end of season 4. Cas' body was remade by God in season 5 and has remained his own ever since. These are just two of the ridiculous examples supposed "meta writers" among the destiel hater communities would come up with and still use today.

I find it extremely infuriating when I see character/ship hate loosely disguised as meta analysis. I can give people the benefit of the doubt a lot of the time, as fandoms are usually highly emotional spaces, but when there is zero canon evidence to support the claims, when connections are being made on the absolute thinnest of threads, and when far more obvious interpretations are being clearly ignored to support certain viewpoints in such a stunningly obvious case of confirmation bias I have to throw in the towel and stop taking said meta seriously.

One thing I have loved about Sandman fandom so far is the meta. It's such a rich text to analyse, and the show adds an entirely new level to it which makes it all the more enjoyable. I've made no secret of my support for Dreamling and I wrote a very long meta series on Dreamling and how the show in particular uses certain tropes, symbolism, visual storytelling cues, and music, to name a few, to overload a 25 minute sequence with queer coding. It is completely understandable to me why anyone going into the show even without thinking about shipping, would feel like Dreamling hit them like a brick to the face. The creators weren't subtle with it.

Its also totally valid to find romantic interpretations of other pairings within the Sandman. I personally think Morpheus x Johanna was laid on pretty thickly. Morpheus x Lucienne is equally an interesting ship to analyse. But heres the thing, if you ship these other ships and are frustrated that Dreamling has "taken over" thats valid. I get it. I would like more focus on the other characters too. I would particularly like to talk about Lucienne x Gault and have a meta piece in progress about them.

Whats not okay however is for other shippers and people frustrated with Dreamling to go the way of the Destiel antis. Dont make shit up that has no basis in canon just because you need some moral high ground to shit all over the ship you hate. Don't call fans that see Dreamling "deluded" for seeing it. They aren't deluded. It's right there in the subtext. Dont resort to name calling and "gotchas" and use inflammatory language to bait people. And please, I'm begging you, stop claiming that people who ship Dreamling are somehow all overly fragile white racists. You're wrong.

The racism discussions about Hob's past have their place, but these things ARE being discussed, if anything I feel this fandom has done a far better job of handling the issues of slavery than another popular fandom has (looking at you OFMD). No one is forgiving Hob for his slaver past. But you have to acknowledge that the entire point of the story in The Sandman is about change, and growth, and how we can become better people. As another excellent short meta post stated recently "we are more than the sum of our transgressions". The Sandman is all about the shades of grey. No one is morally righteous, but most characters are not completely morally bankrupt either.

Hob Gadling is a controversial character who is often misunderstood by fandom but anyone with proper critical thinking skills and a decent understanding of what meta analysis is, should understand that Hob is a metaphor for humanity first and foremost. He is the average everyman from the perspective of an Englishman and therefore above all else to understand Hob you have to look to England, to Englands history, and to its current status in the world. A lot of blood on its hands yes, but also at least a century of trying to make up for it, a leader in the world in human rights and trying to do better. I have to believe that about this country, so I believe it about Hob too. Whilst I'm not interesting in getting into huge geopolitical debates about England, I hope that we can all agree that the average Englishman today is not a blood thirsty evil slaver/rapist/murderer or whatever else ive seen people accuse Hob of being even in his modern era.

We can argue the faults of the show downplaying slavery for sure. Its a valid criticsm. We can argue that not enough time was given in the show to show that Hob had changed and regretted his former actions. We can critique these things based on what the show has and has not told us, and also pepper in information provided in the comics and what we know about future Hob panels as well.

But when it comes to the blank spaces in between frames, in between cut screens, we can do whatever we like. Because that is where meta analysis ends and fanfiction begins. You wanna write about Hob joining the abolitionist movement and fighting hard to end slavery? You can. You wanna write about him ignoring Dreams advice and continuing to be a brutal slaver right up until slavery was ended in England sure, you go for it. But don't call either of these "headcanons" meta analysis.

Dont use meta analysis as a cover to shit on fandom. The minute you resort to name calling and mockery its no longer meta. No matter how frustrated or upset you are with the current fandom situation. There is always space to criticise fandom. But ask yourself what your end goal is here? What are you trying to achieve? Is it truly because you are on a righteous path to end fandom racism? Or do you just really hate a popular ship and want people to stop shipping it? If it's the former, then focus on that, ask what solutions we can put in place? Where we can truly tackle it on a larger scale, raising awareness of things that people may not realise are racist but are common tropes in fandom (like how making female characters all mothers or sassy gay best friends is misogynistic or how certain stereotypes in fantasy creatures are anti semitic) but if its the latter, then its disingenuous to use racism in fandom as a shield to hide your ship hate. It reduces an important topic to something shallow and irrelevant.

In ending this rant I will just say this. I'm not interested in engaging further on this topic. I'm legit gonna start blocking if anyone attempts to twist my words here. The civil discussions on this matter ended when people started name calling and flinging around accusations without basis. I am more than happy to engage separately in ways to improve fandom spaces for poc, because thats important, but ship hating has no place in that discussion. Drop that aspect, and there'll be less resistance in these topics.

[multifandomhellhole]

Hey I saw you added resident evil!! Out of curiosity I wanted to know how you feel about ships? Specifically:

-aeon

-cleon

-leshley

-serennedy

Sorry if this is weird but seeing that the fandom is kind of... hostile at times I just want to know what you're comfortable with and where you stand before I ask anything!

Hi hi!! No worries I understand haha. I've technically been a part of resident evil for a minute ( I mean I do like creepypasta and at the time internet horror crossed over into horror in general much more frequently so thats how I got exposed lmao) I just never felt the urge to add it or write for it till recently. Also just a heads up I don't do character x character regardless if I like the ship or not ✨ this is strictly x Dom reader

Also hi this is my first real post in almost two years how's it going guys lmao.

-aeon: not a fan. Originally I was open minded but the fans of this ship have been disgusting. In general and in my personal interactions so it killed the ship for me. See the appeal of the tragic one day love at times but one time situationship is not my thing. It's overrated and kind of icky in a different manner to so I rate it 20/100

-cleon also not really my thing. Once again I see the appeal just not into it myself. Fans were more welcoming though so I can enjoy it better. (Still some instigators but not nearly as many). Ultimately I'm indifferent and just like the community lmao. 60/100

-i decided to throw chreon into the mix just cause I know that one exists. Not a whole lot of interaction between the two for me to form an opinion but I can see how it came about. There is an old man yaoi quality to it that is like fine wine. An acquired taste but pretty good. Has a certain level of bitterness that tops it off. 65-70/100

-leshley. My favorite ship so far regarding Leon. Very cute. Very wholesome. Can dip into angst or problematic and what's a ship without controversy. The shippers are sweethearts for the most part. Don't see a lot of them actually but I do know the general view of leshley is not positive for stupid reasons. Love my two pookies 98/100

-serennedy. I see the appeal. Very funny dynamic and a lot of angst. Kind of generic and predictable ngl so not super intrigued by it. Plenty of good artists though and once again the fans are pretty sweet. A little much at times and a few pushy peeps but not too bad. Personally I like ada and Luis more but honestly both good. 75/100

you didn't mention this one but I'd also like to say I love metaltango. It's just a tad above leshley cause who doesn't like enemies to enemies. Plus the artists always cook with something holy and profoundly poetic in ship art. Even the name metaltango solos sorry 100/100

Also for ships I'm not sure exist with Leon I'm putting them down here. I have yet to see a maria x Leon fanbase begin after death Island with her basically sitting on his face, but I rate maria x Leon 100/100 as well. I'd love to see someone create food for it since there was some tension in that fight.

is hunnigan and Leon a ship?? I haven't seen content for that but I assume there's a few fics on ao3. Im personally not a fan of the concept but ultimately I don't have anything bad to say either so 27/100. Need to know more and interact a bit more to give an accurate rating

[maluspumilaa]

word ramble about the southerngothic farcille au bc im too tired to draw rn + i want to get better at talking about my fandom stuff on here !! below the cut since im still a bit shackled by cringe

so i had an entire whiteboard but its gone now because i am Not paying for premium but thats okay

this is pretty unstructured but i really like chewing on this au brainstyle

i think that imogen and laudna met on the island after separately being adventurers for a little bit (personally i think laudna wouldnt have had the best luck getting jobs, with the whole scary/off-putting thing about her, but still would be scraping by) – no magic academy, sorry farcille lovers

in terms of the bells hells: im honestly not sure !! i think that it would be cool to have them just be an adventuring party and all have ventured down to save laudna but i dont know how that would work, since it gets dangerous to adventure with a party larger than six or so... maybe someone joins after laudna dies, senshi style? i dont know how much meshi will be in the dungeon meshi au tbh

a lot of this au is me building around the fact i went "what if lesbians from one fandom were the lesbians from the other one" tbh

the treant that laudna is chimaeraed up with is definitely meant to do the same job as the red dragon from dunmeshi . im thinking about a crazy large treant btw. like a hulking monstrous mass of gnarled branches that shambles with alarming speed. bark so thick it seems like fire doesnt do anything except anger it. all that

also !! @/sharkodactyl 's comments on my first art post about this au made me insane (/pos), i def think that the imagery of replacing some of laudnas bones with parts of the treant is awesome... something something it ground up some of her bones to use like bone meal for itself and its not like they can just fix that damage

so they use parts from the treant in the ritual hoping that the absorbed bone will be okay to use . and it turns out fine (no it doesnt) !

ABOUT THE RESURRECTION: i think mashing the dnd and dungeon meshi resurrection scenes would be beautiful to me. i deeply enjoy laudnas resurrection in c3, maybe with the ancient magic ritual there has to be some calling of the spirit to beckon it forth or something?? i just want imogen to talk to laudna before the ritual . feels like it raises the stakes or something

also!! if you look at my au art youll see that laudna still has her ear cuff things. that is because i gave her different trauma for this au ♡

until there was some event like what happened in falins backstory, but after laudna was an adult, leading to worse, more direct treatment from her village/city – i was thinking that due to the general anti-elf/anti-magic attitude in her village, individuals deemed especially "dangerous" or suspected of practicing dark magic would have their ears cut to resemble elves (similar to the canaries but. worse i think)

from what ive gathered, a lot of tallman communities in dungeon meshi (specifically what ive seen of laios and falins northern village) are to some degree intolerant of magic, not super open minded, and to me laudna hails from a village or city around there (or somewhere similar to there) and ended up leaving because, like falin, she had an affinity towards seeing ghosts and performing magic and suffered for it

generally, she was a little bit of an outcast even as a child because she was just kind of scary? she had that weird girl swag but nothing that made her stick out all that much

SO BASICALLY thats why she has those ear covers. she doesnt like looking at the scars . maybe they also tried to hang her ? i dont know

also alsoo imogen in this au does have her lightning markies. frequently i forget those. i think theyre more subtle generally (to the point of looking like really pronounced veins) and restricted to mostly her wrists/hand area but they do glow when she uses magic (not a lot ! maybe a lot during the resurrection scene but thats for my enjoyment more than anything)

her lighning markies + hair color is still from her being ruidus-born. it has some sway over ley lines/mana in some way but the attitude in this au is very much the same as in exandria in cr (represents negative things to people, not seen as a good omen, and generally isnt focused on). it still flares and such, but the flares affect stuff with magic – something something it makes magic more volatile/is linked in some way to ancient magic

i think imogen (+ her mother) would have been fairly ostracized by the small village she grew up in (but not as severely as laudna) due to their unique appearances as a result of being ruidus-born. liliana still leaves relvin and a young imogen but not before introducing lifespan angst into her daughters mind

i think. ruidus flares fuck with peoples lifespan. generally elongates them by a good bit? since it has that connection with ancient magic which is from a time of longer lifespans and such

anyways. imogen ventured out from home to find out where her mother went + learn more about her ruidus-born status and such. she came to melini (or. the exandrian equivalent to it?) for research reasons, maybe to make money before setting off on her travels once again or something

and then met laudna and was charmed a normal amount by her on first meeting and decided to stay dungeon diving with her (and bells hells? for a little while after)

also dont ask about pate i dont know either. maybe he is just a little inanimate puppet made out of dead things or maybe hes a regular rat that wears a bird skull sometimes . maybe he has wings . hes a familiar he can do what he wants

if you made it this far, thank you for reading !! i would love interaction about this au :3 sorry if any of this got really long or ramble-y i have many thoughts LOL

[knickynoo]

heyyyy so. i love your blog. and i was wondering, what you think about the headcanon that marty could be diabetic? with what little evidence we have in the movies? ( for example, him turning away peanut brittle which is ALL SUGAR, always drinking sugar free pepsi, asking for something without sugar in 55 at the diner, shoving food in his mouth after the phone call with doc in the morning before he goes to the twin pines lot, etc) i have a headcanon that doc keeps a stash of candy or snacks for marty if his blood sugar crashes or goes low. ( and i know the sleepiness and implied laziness of marty was probably due to mjf being sleep deprived but i read that thats a side effect of low blood sugar?? ) and not to mention the layers he always wears, probably bc hes cold ??? idk , ive had that hc for a while and i just wanted to know your opinions and thoughts on it ??

Ahhh, the return of one of my favorite fringe BTTF headcanons. I saw this ask initially when it popped into my inbox a handful of days ago, but I wanted to have the time to sit and answer it in depth because it really is such an intriguing headcanon. I've only ever encountered it two or so times in the fandom (and one of those times was another ask I'd gotten last year), and I do enjoy exploring the less talked about theories.

I will put this under a read more, on account of I have lots of thoughts, as well as personal experience that allows me some particular insight into how this headcanon might play out for Marty. I'm not diabetic, but I do have a condition that causes a variety of fun issues, one being hypoglycemia. Basically, I have frequent episodes of low blood sugar and need to monitor my glucose level and keep it up by eating often. That being said! Some thoughts on the "Marty is diabetic" headcanon.

• My very first thought is: this kid better be prepared and have lots of supplies stuffed into the pockets of his many clothing layers because otherwise, he's in trouble. Honestly, this is the biggest barrier for me in terms of the headcanon. Marty is on a non-stop, adrenaline fueled ride for most of the trilogy. Between the constant running and chaos and sneaking around and life and death situations, he'd need to find the time during his day for finger pricks to check his blood sugar levels, staying on top of eating regularly, and injecting insulin. That means carrying a glucometer, a lancing device, lancets, alcohol wipes, test strips, syringes, and vials of insulin. He'd likely carry a bag or something that has all this in it.

• BUT! If he left his house that evening and ventured to the mall without any supplies (thinking it'd be a quick outing), one of his first priorities upon becoming stuck in 1955 would be acquiring whatever he needed. His first opportunity for that would be once he arrives at Doc's house and convinces him he's a time traveler. After getting Doc to believe him, Marty would have to be all, "Oh, and, uh, Doc? I really hope you have some medical doctor friends or something because we need to get our hands on some supplies. Like, now."

Then, on top of all the shock that came with being hurtled through time, Marty would have the additional challenge of adjusting to 1950s era diabetes management. No at home glucometer (those weren't available until 1981), and the syringes were large and made of metal. It'd be difficult, but not impossible, for Marty to manage the disease during his travels.

• For the purposes of this hc, let's assume he somehow brought along all his supplies stuffed into secret pockets in his puffy vest. Or, perhaps he uses a portable insulin pump, which became more widely available in the 1980s. It'd look something like this.

The end of the tube would have a needle that'd be inserted under the skin on his lower abdomen, and he'd be able to dose insulin that way. The device would have to be clipped to his pants somewhere. Not sure if Twin Pines McFlys would be able to access this new (and probably super expensive) device for their son. Maybe Doc makes one for him! I could totally see him doing that.

• Anyway, in terms of Marty turning down the peanut brittle, drinking sugar free Pepsi, and asking for something without sugar, it might or might not have anything to do with diabetes in this headcanon scenario. Contrary to what many think, diabetics (type 1 at least, which is what Marty would likely have) don't need to avoid sugar. They need to be mindful of sugar just as any other person should, but they generally don't have dietary restrictions. Sugar would for sure impact his glucose levels, and he'd have to be mindful of that, but as long as he balanced it with the appropriate amount of insulin, he'd be good to go.

It could be that Marty just wants to avoid having to account for extra insulin and avoid a potential spike, so he turns down some sugary foods every so often. Diabetics have to keep careful track of how many carbs they consume, as that determines how much insulin to inject, so if Marty already took his dose for dinner, for example, it'd make sense he'd say no to the peanut brittle even if he wanted it. Otherwise, he'd have to do another injection to cover the carbs from it, and who has the time for that when you're busy sulking over the wrecked car??

• Something Marty would really need to be careful about during all his adventures is making sure his blood sugar doesn't dip too low. High blood sugar isn't good, but low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) is actually more dangerous and considered an immediate emergency. Your blood sugar can be high and rise a good deal before you start to get negative health effects, but once your blood sugar dips below 70 mg/dL, you need to treat it right away. He'd need to be eating regularly, making sure his insulin is matching the amount he's eating, and ALSO factor in that physical activity makes blood sugar levels drop. And all that running he does? Yeah, he's gonna need snacks on hand.

You mentioned sleepiness being a symptom of low blood sugar, and you're right. But if Marty is at that point, it'd likely mean he'd be having a serious hypoglycemic episode. A "normal" blood sugar range is about 80-120, though meals will bring it higher for a bit before you level back out. Once you get below 70, your brain is literally being starved of glucose, which it needs to function. Very quickly, you get hit with a lot of symptoms. Blurry vision, trouble concentrating and speaking, tremors, profuse sweating, tiredness, rapid heart rate and breathing to name a few.

If you manage to catch it soon enough, you can treat the low on your own—by eating or drinking something high carb or taking some glucose tablets—but it's also very difficult to get a meal or some snacks when you're shaking like a leaf and can't even think straight. My blood sugar dipped to 49 the other week, and I went from feeling a little off to experiencing all those symptoms in a matter of a minute or two. For Marty to reach that level in the midst of trying to repair timelines would be difficult, to say the least. An untreated low will lead to unconsciousness, seizures, and even death.

Of course, if Marty is prepared, he'd know to snack during the day to keep himself stable. And I do imagine that '85 Doc's garage is stocked with snacks good for bringing up blood sugar (especially juice, which is one of the BEST ways to bring blood sugar up quickly. My fridge is filled with it.)

• I'm a little concerned about how Marty would fare in Part III, but I assume he'd be well prepared at that point. Let's assume that when Doc came to pick Marty up at the end of Part I, he already had a supply kit ready in the car (Doc absolutely would have a kit for "just in case" that he kept in his garage and brought along if they were going somewhere, and I think he'd have the foresight to bring it to the future). Marty could then have it still for his stay in 1955 while he and Doc prepared the DeLorean for the Old West, and he'd be able to have it for his time spent there in Part III. Very large kit, okay? Doc is super prepared. Although, now that I'm thinking about it, a kit like that would probably still be in the car when Doc gets zapped to the Old West, so....not sure about this one, friends. Let's hope Marty has some stuff in his pockets and that '55 Doc can then help him out in gathering more things together for his trek to 1885.

Well. I'd say I've gone on long enough. In conclusion: Diabetic Marty is a fascinating concept and, while it'd be difficult for him, he could conceivably manage it all during the trilogy if he's careful and has Doc looking out for him as well. There are lots of "missing scenes" and things we don't see in the movies, so Marty could be using that downtime for testing and injecting and guzzling down juice.

Thanks for the ask! This was a fun one.

[mamadarama]

Also wondering if it's really ok that I spam (is it spam???) or message your inbox as much as I do and I'm asking bc I know I tend to be overly friendly to everyone I meet and treat them like friends and I just recently realized that I was being pretty rude is that ok cuz I feel like every time I find something Madara I scramble to this acc and be like "look at this"

i wouldnt say its spam unless its a ton of asks in rapid succession. but i dont mind it either way as long as its enstars related or relevant to something ive said here, or at least relevant to me . like if you wanna ask my favorite color or whatever.... sure thats not enstars related but ill answer stuff like that. basically i just dont like getting asks that i dont know how to answer lol . im very skittish though and i get shy talking to the same people off anon frequently so if i seem like im getting weirder the more asks you send thats uh. probably why. idk why that happens to me .

oh and actually i like when people send me enstars stuff from other platforms that they think id be interested in !!! i cant handle the atmosphere in places like twitter or tiktok so this blog is really my only interaction with the rest of the fandom and im usually the last person to hear abt new events and stuff :p its also nice and kinda really super scary to know people think about me .

sorry i kinda turned this into a general psa but you brought up some good questions ^^;

[phregnancy]

just wondering what year you started watching dnp at? cause i was very young at their "peak" or when they were i dunno popular? i dunno how to word it really just when they were.. kaboom. so i never got to experience the whole Dan And Phil Full Iceberg Lore thing i only got into them at like 2018 and got back into them again this year so im mildly curious what were a few of your This Is It. This Is The Phandom moments you had throughout however long you've watched them for. like the "Thats Going On The Iceberg" moments you experienced

i started watching them 2012/2013 so it’s been a good 11/12 years. what’s on the lowest point of the iceberg and idk how many other people remember this because it was so long ago but there was a person in australia whose family historically illegally employed undocumented people for little to no money (slave wages) and would have ‘staff’ deported when they were ‘done’ and this was revealed because they were sad their childhood nanny/maid was no longer with them and shared that she went back to her home country and then it turned into her defending this absolutely vile practice and saying it was normal and that she knows so many other families like hers and then deleting her account. slightly higher on the iceberg moment was someone moved to london then was intentionally frequenting spots they thought dan would be which evolved into borderline harassment and when they would get criticized for it they’d say ‘this isn’t stalking, you should be worried about the people who are actual stalkers, i’m just so much like dan we get along so well that’s why i go to his favorite places all the time’. and then lastly i don’t think this was widely known because i’m pretty sure this was just in my phannie circle but someone went to jail for stabbing her sister, she went silent for a couple of months then texted me saying sorry she had been in jail now she’s on probation because her “sister walked into the knife she was holding”. freaked me the fuck out because she was 21 and i was 15 and i got a little afraid for a second that somehow she would fly to me and find me and hurt me, and i blocked her. so those are all moments that made me think ‘hm. this is the fandom that i am in. these are the people.’ and will live in my mind forever.

[viaviv124]

So on the 12th me and my partner @kaihoney had our first year anniversary and i wanted to share our story on how we met and got together here because it's to this day still really funny and a huge coincidence.

It's the middle of November 2023 at like midnight and I randomly remembered a really cool but niche game i watched a lets play for a while back and i wanted to check out if tumblr had a fandom for it. Turns out at the time the fandom was basically completely dead and non-existent, the only semi-frequent posts being some sort of story a user wrote that had nothing to do with the game. There i saw a post that was made like 2 months ago that basically asked if anyone was even still interested in that game or the fandom and that they'd like to chat to someone. So i excitedly texted them.

Kai and i immediately got along amazingly and also quickly learned that by sheer coincidence we're the same age, same sexuality, same country, both autistic, both ace and have very similar interests. So we chatted the night away and soon switched over to talk on Instagram instead. A week or two in we were at a point where we said "haha let's eventually move in as roommates one day because we're so similar" and basically started planning a life together, underlined with the thought "lol we'll never date, it'd never work out". On top of that we also soon exchanged numbers and began texting and frequently calling.

December rolled around and we were hit with a small crisis. Both of us, despite having been in relationships before, aren't really sure how love really feels like (likely due to a very fun mix of autism, being ace and some flavour of aro) and sometimes we'd sort of gaslight ourselves into thinking we're in love simply because we can't differenciate platonic and romantic feelings all that well. We talked openly about it to get on the same page and decided to take it easy.

January those feelings got stronger and we'd talk about the topic more and more frequently, allthough the conversations were always chill and we'd even poke fun at it. At that point we decided to plan our first meet up and judge from then. We'd meet in late feburary/early march. We also made a virtual marriage certificate. You know, for fun. As you do with friends and totally not someone you pine for.

In feburary we'd talk even more often about how we feel and would even ask our friends if they'd take us for a couple. We'd also constantly joke around that if we were a romance novel we'd the most annoying slow burn to ever exist. On the night of the 12th of feburary 2024 we had this talk again, this time even more in depth on how we felt and how right telling the other "i love you" felt for us. We also thought it'd be funny to get together right before valentines day so we decided to make it official that very night with the sentiment "if it doesn't work out then it doesn't but let's at least try".

When we met for their first time too it was the most amazing thing ever.

AND YEAH THATS HOW WE MET AND GOT TOGETHER! :D

I don't regret a single day we spent together and i hope we can keep going like we did so far. Just taking it easy, not take ourselves too seriously and just have fun.

That's also something i want to tell other people. A relationship will fail if you take it too seriously. It needs to breathe. On top of that, your partner is allowed to be your best friend. Some people only want the romance aspects of a relationship and/or want their partner to focus only on them and take it super super seriously and that'll break the relationship in due time. Just have fun together and don't think too hard about what's supposed to be or expected in a relationship. As long as both of you are feeling comfortable and happy you can be whatever you want. Don't let anyone or anything define how you should feel or act. Kai and i are barely romantic at all, we embrace the silly and often crack dumb jokes even in serious situations. That's the right thing for us. And some people might have an easier time too if you also try to take it a little easier. Life and especially relationships are all about fun so embrace that!

[mcybree]

What I don't get is why people say there's "so much" toxic fh now?

Like I don't follow the tag religiously, but most of it seems to be cute fanart etc. I know it's been awhile since I tried to find FH fic to read, but when I did none of it was toxic.

Honestly, I think toxic FH stuff would be fun to read? Like, the "no one says desert duo is toxic" post a bit ago made me start analyzing how desert duo fandom changes the toxicity into plot and story telling, and I think that would be really interesting to read for FH, but ... I haven't seen it. I don't even know how to search for it.

I'm not saying there's not "so much" of it out there, but like ... from my perspective I just don't see it? idk.

There’s negativity bias at work for sure. like people will see two posts or a couple fics that make them mad and think its a widespread thing bc that sticks out more to them than all the positive stuff. As someone who actively goes looking for toxic fh shit it really is not as popular as people make it out to be… Most frequently its alluded to in rancher fics but thats more often in a spiteful ex way from what I can tell. Then again I havent read fanfiction in a While… shrugs

[golbrocklovely]

i saw someone on twitter seriously have a go bc snc were focusing more on their social life than their professional life. like what? thats insane. they’ve worked 24/7 for the last 10 years. they deserve to enjoy themselves for a while.

and i have to laugh. people saying theyre going to stop watching snc and laugh as their careers fumble? babes, if they depended solely on yt views for income they’d be uploading far more frequently. besides, they have 12 million followers and easily bag a million views on a video in the first 24 hours. a few dozen fans boycotting them is not going to make even an ounce of difference. but hey, if it makes you feel better, all power to you. (“you” being those fans ofc). not to mention they have investments and other business endeavours outside of youtube. your online hissy fit will do jack shit. (again, “you/your” being those fans)

:)

i think that's the thing i find so funny about this fandom. first off almost 99% of the drama is started by twitter. or at the very least they're the loudest at all times. they also think a lot of us feel the same way as them just bc it's an echo chamber over there. so when they all start calling snc out on something or think that that everyone feels the same way, they feel like they are making an impact by saying they'll leave or stop supporting if snc don't meet their demands.

and babes, if you really aren't enjoying your time here, you can go. it's fine. no one is holding a gun to your head and telling you to stay. but don't expect snc to do everything you want them to do. it's just not gonna happen.

sometimes i don't get this fandom. bc look, when i was here back in 2020/21, i got some of the backlash that the boys were facing. i understood parts of it, for sure. but there was a lot, and i do mean a lot, of extra shit that went on that made it much worse. and that side of the fandom… they cried wolf too many times. you don't get to do that repeatedly and then think that snc are gonna stick around to actually hear what you gotta say.

and especially rn, what exactly are ppl pissed off about?? bc look, you wanna say you miss when they were posting a lot more, sure. i get that. i miss them posting more often too. but you gotta also realize maybe WHY they aren't posting so much. and blaming their new gfs isn't one of those reasons.

they have explained that they basically had little to no personal life at one point, that all they were doing is working. that they didn't get to spend time with their friends or gfs bc they were working so much. sam, the man that never addresses drama, is asking fans to cool it. he full on said that he was miserable a year or so ago bc of all the stress he was under. and then colby, the man that doesn't cry ever, had a full on break down in 2022. and didn't even admit it until midway thru 2023. he doesn't read comments anymore bc they get so bad sometimes. or how about that colby even stated that he didn't even want to tell this fandom that he had cancer bc he knew how everyone would react if he went bald………. what does that tell you???? that we aren't trustworthy. that snc feel the need to pull back bc we are all toxic.

at what point do we turn the mirror on ourselves and realize hey, maybe i've taken things too far??

and reality is, a LOT of this only popped up once they both got gfs. a lot of fans say those two aren't to blame or they're not upset or they don't actually want to date snc, but at the end of the day them finding someone to love was the straw that broke the camels back. and you gotta sit back and wonder why does seeing snc happy make me upset and want to leave?? (if someone reading this is one of those fans)

bc rn, i'm more into snc than i have been in a while. i want to see them happy and healthy and enjoying life. sure, colby being in his feels (or sam even) was a fun time, sure. i love me some balcony tweets. but at the end of the day, i don't want him jaded and unable to find love again. why the fuck would i wish that on someone i love dearly??? same with sam. sure. i can joke about kat and how i want her new song to tear him a new one, but i still want him to be happy. i want him to be able to move on from his relationship with her. and that's not a cut at her. no one should be stuck feeling like shit. take it from the person that has been like that for years and still really is in one way or another: i wouldn't wish heartache on my worst enemy. so why would i do that to someone i say i care about??

but back to your ask lol

yeah, the twitter fandom thinks it's all high and mighty but it lost that spark by 2022. their words mean nothing, snc have pulled back bc that side of the fandom sucks (but also bc they want a break), and now they are facing the consequences of their actions and don't like it. womp womp. there's still almost 12 million of us babes. a couple 100 of you leaving ain't gonna do shit.

[kindestegg]

What do you think of Collie going back to the sky. Because the way I see it, he's either all alone up there (probably not good for a young child) or he's gone back to living with the other collectors/archivists (which is probably also not good), Maybe he has found a guardian up there who aren't like his old siblings, an entire species of people can't all be bad, right?

hmmm... well first of all, i would like to say i personally never was a fan of the whole "collectors are emotionless assholes by default but our colly is ⁂⁕special⁕⁂ so hes different" like THATS SO STUPID!!! AND DEFEATS SO MUCH OF THE PURPOSE OF IT BEING IMPACTFUL HE CHOSE BY HIMSELF TO BE GOOD! i think the collector/archivist species is likely very very complicated and has a very rich history and hierarchy we just will never know abt in canon bc 1. theyre not the focus here and 2. well it kind of. ended. so.

BUT WELL. RIGHT! COLLYS FATE! SO UHM.

well. i have good n i have bad feelings about it.

ill start with the bad: i do wish we had seen more of him in the future timeskip, and that he had gotten a more permanent residence. i thiiink the archives are still intact around the titan skull (dont quote me on it though id need to look again), so, no reason why my future idea couldnt be canon with him living there n repurposing them. i think theres definitely a better solution than just sending him away, he couldve still had his little corner to learn stuff, just closer to the ppl he loves n that DO love him back.

HOWEVER.

heres where the good starts: i think it was actually a good idea for him to not become a noceda or a clawthorne. first of all because there was not enough of a bond between himself n those families to want to adopt him, specially there was a lot of trauma involved that cant be erased with how much he wishes to be good for them now. they still clearly care about each other, but theyre not family, maybe theyll never be, n thats fine. theres also another reason, but going into it would require... me being pretty bold about something thats been nagging on my brain ever since the episode aired, and actually talking about that might devolve into a bigger post in and of itself. i MAY make that post in the future and lose my fear of talking about, but im being cautious for now. all im gonna say about it atm is that if they had made him a noceda or a clawthorne, making him kings sibling, it wouldve made things... very awkward. and bad. so.

i think theres also a pretty fatalistic pessimistic way the fandom seems to be viewing this end: its never stated colly went back to the archivists at all, just "the stars", and its not even immediately after the finale events neither is it permanent- he had to have stayed around at least long enough to make that new portal door, and he visits frequently if king mentioning him being around to do something for luzs bday is any indication (not to mention that book lilith was holding that seemed to be about titans and collectors - i think colly mustve helped with info for that right).

me and the archive house server have actually been discussing this quite a bit, and we have reached the conclusion that the best way to describe this was that they "pulled a snufkin". collector is a space vagabond that travels around once in a while and then eventually always comes back to tell of their spoils to the people he still cares about most. and while that may not be satisfying to people who wanted him to be lovingly adopted into a welcoming family, i think its a good enough fate considering he might not even want a family out of the clawthornes, but rather just to be close to king.

and im sure maybe in the future he might decide to settle again at the isles for a more permanent residence. the future is in OUR hands now! we decide what to do with these characters and their future lives, and ive got a LOT of ideas.

[robotvampire]

i hope youre doing well!! this is a bit sappy of me to send in, but here goes

this blog is three years old now and im pretty sure fellow traveler itself is right around that age. when i first discovered this game mid-2022, i was just about to start my first year of college, and now i’m halfway through my third year with one degree under my belt! its crazy to look back and think that fellow traveler has been a part of my life for my entire college experience. ive played lots of IFs and dozens upon dozens of fandoms have been endlessly important to me, but fellow traveler is one that ive thought of semi-frequently and kept revisiting for every update over the past few years. it’s become a game and story that’s pretty important to me.

you have a really great amount of skill in the way you write the game, and your characters and character interactions always captivate me. my mc has become one of my favorite ocs, and sameer is still probably my favorite fictional boyfriend even after years, lol (although thats understating the fondness i feel for him as a character). izzy and jesse are near and dear to my heart — and so are blair and nora, who we havent even met in game yet and ive only learned about through the blog! i used to have a lot of anxiety around getting older and what that would be like if i didn’t have my entire life figured out by age 22. and then fellow traveler came along, and i feel like some of that anxiety was soothed. mc’s only just starting to understand themself at 29, and that’s okay.

i dunno, i was listening to thriller by fall out boy and somehow it reminded me of fellow traveler and i got all emotional. here’s to many more updates and many more replays to try different routes! 🎉🎊💜🕊🦇

This is a really, really sweet message. Thank you, anon. 😭❤️

[chaionthemoon]

An Endless Existence

Prologue and Chapter 1

Opener: So to start off for those few of you that do read this fic or are even interested in it:

If you've previously read any White Diamond x Original Characters on AO3, you may be semi-familiar with a really old Fanfiction that I wrote back in 2018, and only had 6 chapters total (Title: Its my life!). When I wrote that I was barely in 9th grade of HS, I was writing on my old ass Ipad, and I was writing it right into AO3 rather than a separate document. Not only that, but it was my first ever fanfiction that I ever wrote, so I was writing with literally no experience at all.

Only recently have I gone back to the Fanfiction and have re-read it and wow… thats all I can say. Over the 6 years since publishing that story, I've matured (obviously) and Orange diamond’s story has changed EXTREMELY. I've always wanted to go back to the story and rewrite it, however back in 2022 when I started getting serious about writing and fanfiction, I orphaned the fanfiction, as I didnt want my new readers to read whatever I had wrote back when I was younger, especially since i've tried to hard to really change my writing direction, my approach and become more professional. I have an AO3 account that I publish frequently from, however I created this separate account to write whatever I want about my own original characters from fandoms and their stories, not because I am ashamed or anything, but because i've been detached from fandoms such as Steven Universe, The Arcana and ect. That I no longer feel comfortable publishing these Fics to my bigger account.

By rewriting this story, Im hoping to reclaim it for myself, as well as bring back my old childhood interest in Steven Universe. There will be some similarities between the two stories such as both stories will have similar characters, Similar ships and a few similar topics (Such as abuse within romantic relationships, power dynamics in relationships, manipulation, ect.), however will completely abandon many of the original concept of the story (Such as the arranged marriage, gemlings/the diamonds having biological kids, any ship with Pink Diamond, ect.) just because looking back at the fic, it just doesn't feel right to write about it, and I want to keep it semi-accurate to the show with adding just a few of my own twists (Such as there being Minor diamond that serve as “Apprentice’s” to the major diamonds (White, Yellow, Blue, and Pink), and there being a competition between the Minor diamonds to prove to the diamonds their worth to hopefully monitor a full colony (Not their own colon, but one of the diamonds colonies).

Im in college now, and in a major that requires me to write more often, so hopefully my grammar and writing is 1000% better than whatever I wrote 6 years ago. Feedback is always encouraged, and I hope you enjoy whatever dumpster fire this will be...

Maybe it was bad luck on Orange’s part, that she should have the misfortune of being the only gem to come from the cursed planet. After all, there had to be something terribly wrong with her or her gem if she was able to withstand such a merciless planet for years. If Orange had not been tested and checked relentlessly after coming to Homeworld to ensure her gems perfection and been cleared as a legitimate diamond, then she also would have been sure that she had a faulty gem.

She remembered the day she had formed, though it had been very long ago at this point. She couldn't see her hands in front of her, winds constantly whipped her face, the atmosphere weighing down on her and her gem, as if it would eventually shatter her. Tme did not exist, and Orange was constantly dissociating from what was real and what wasn't. What was this existence? And where was she? Would she forever be alone? All these questions circled her mind, and that would be her existence for the next few years until a scout ship would come across her and alert the diamonds of her existence.

By the time the Diamonds retrieved her, she had been sure that everything and everyone wasn't real. It couldn't be real. How could she go from being stranded in the middle of a planet with no vision, no noise but the wind, and no voices but her own, to then being surrounded by bright lights, loud mechanic noises, and a million questions from gems surrounding her. It made no sense, and wouldn't for the next few hundred years.

Looking back at it, How could Orange Diamond could have possibly have hoped for a peaceful existence when she was born in the middle of a storm? It just was not in her fate, she was the diamond of storms after all.

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Orange shook her head as she tried to dispel any thoughts on her life before coming to Homeworld. If she thought bout it for too long, she would start to disassociate again, and Yellow hated when she would have to repeat herself to Orange if she didn't hear her the first time. Orange really tried to be in some state of awareness, as to please yellow diamond, however it was difficult for her.

Orange still struggled with being able to understand what was happening around her, and how much of it was her mind playing tricks on her. Some part of her gem still believes that this is all a hallucination, and that Orange can’t possibly have the fortune of being able to directly serve such an authority as those in the Diamond Authority. But then there were moments were the light hit her eyes wrong, or when Canary nudged her with her foot to alert Orange of something, that would bring her back to reality.

“Orange.” Yellow diamonds voice rang out in the large room where the golden gem sat in her throne. Orange was still deep in her thoughts when she felt the small nudge from canary and immediately snapped back to the current reality. She knew that Yellow had called her name, and couldn't remember anything else but that, so she decided to go off of that,

“Yes, Yellow Diamond.” Orange answered back, as she stood up and knelt before Yellows chair. Orange kept her face down, looking at the floor.

“I want to discuss an important matter with you before its released to the other diamonds at the upcoming ball that we will be hosting.” Yellow Paused. Orange grew concerned at the break in between Yellows thought. Usually long pauses did not equal good news, at least not in Orange Diamonds experience. However, Orange was pleasantly surprised when the next words fell from Yellow’s mouth: “I want to officially name you as my apprentice. You've served me well these past few thousand years, and I trust no other minor gem more with my colonies than you.”

Orange let out a small gasp before quickly closing her mouth. She kept her face looking down, at her own foot. “I- Thank you my Diamond, this is such an honor. Im unsure what else to say…”

“Say nothing then. Just continue to do your job well.” Yellow responded shortly. “While you've been diligent in your work, you still have much to improve upon. Not yet the idea of perfection, but you are getting there…” her voice sounded as if she was considering it, considering Orange’s position, and how she was of some value to her. It was softer than her usual tone of voice, and Orange was grateful for it internally.

“Thank you, my diamond.” Orange took the compliment. Compliments from Yellow were far and few inbetween, with the only compliments Orange being able to recall being directed towards White Diamond.

“I warn you though. So far, the only diamond to take an apprentice has been White diamond, and even then, the idea is simply unprecedented and still being tested to see if it works. You will be presented to not only Pink and Blue diamond, but White herself. She will evaluate you, test you if need be, to see if you are fit to assume the role as my apprentice. Orange, I need you to impress White, and calm any concerns of hers.” Yellow urged “You have been a great help to me, and I would hate to lose a gem such as yourself all because you could not meet White Diamonds standards”

“I will try my best my Diamond.” Orange responded, her tone as monotone as she could muster it. There was still a slight quiver in her tone, shock still processing in her system and adjusting to the news.

When Orange returned to her work station, it took her a few moments to remember what she had been working on previously. Whenever her bouts of concentration were broken, she always struggled to regain the same energy she had had before being called upon. Despite being able to open up her screen to her previous mission, she remained unsuccessful in continuing her productivity. Too many thoughts and ideas stirred in her head. Too many questions, too many scenarios to the unknown. What if she couldn't meet white diamonds standards? Would she be shattered? That hardly seemed like the worst punishment to her. Would Yellow Diamond be Punished? That seemed much worst to Orange, and Orange chalked it up to her loyalty to Yellow.

Dissociating had its perks. It allowed for time to pass faster for Orange. It allowed for her to get her word done with little to no thought behind it, completing it at faster rates and with ease. It came as second nature to her, and when it came to nature, there was not much to think about. It also helped her to ignore the feeling of any worries, any questions, and simply just exist without being present. Unfortunately for Orange diamond, she was stuck in her mind for the remainder of the planets cycle, left to get nothing accomplished and be stuck in her own thoughts.

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After being dismissed by Yellow Diamond, Orange had headed back to the Minor Diamonds residency to stew on the new information that had been provided to her. She found herself seated in the main area of the palace, typing furiously on her screen, trying to catch up on the previous days work. Nearby, Crimson Diamond worked. Crimson and Orange had always been friendly towards one another, though their acquaintance had its limits. To start: Orange believed Crimson a gossip. Crimson usually associated herself with Moon and Teal diamond, two of Blue Diamonds personal minor diamonds, and therefore, anything Orange diamond said to Crimson, she was sure would get back to Moon and Teal, and then so on and so fourth until it reached Yellow Diamond, and then Orange would be punished for “gossiping” as well. Second was that Crimson was extremely childish in Oranges eyes. She held little reasoning, and debating with her was like debating with a pebble. There was no argument against her. And lastly, Orange firmly believed that because they were both so opposite of one another, their was no way there could be a genuine friendship between them.

However, that didn't stop Orange from trying to fish for information from Crimson. If there was one thing that Gossips were good with, it was having updated information. Though how good Crimsons information was remained to be determined.

“What do you think the diamonds are like?” Orange questioned out loud and then turned to look at Crimson. She quickly became aware of the silence, and how her words had pierced through it. Luckily, it was only her and Crimson in the area for now, though the confused look that crimson gave her when she looked up from her own work had Orange thinking that she should backtrack a bit. “I mean specifically Pink, Blue and White Diamond.” Orange added quickly.

“Well… Who do you want me to start with?” Crimson leaned in, and slowly closed her own tablet to converse with Orange. Perfect- this was what she needed.

“Lets start with White. What can you tell me about our ruler?” Orange asked as she set aside her own work as well. This could in terms, count as working, as this was researching for her next big event.

“White diamond is a perfectionist” Crimson spoke softly, though her words carried in the main room. Orange thought to Cullinan and Black Diamond. Both worked closely with White Diamond, although they never spoke of her, and the only things Orange had heard were rumors fueled by Crimson Diamond, who got said rumors from things Pink Diamond had said. “I heard she can control gems as her power-”

‘Thats impossible” Orange had countered “There has been no record of any other gem, let alone our queen White Diamond, having such powers-”

“And thats why she is the ruler of the universe and Diamond Authority, it is said that she is everything that we are not.” Crimson motioned around her to all of the Minor diamonds. “I don't doubt for one second that she could mind control gems and make them do her bidding. If that weren't the case, then why not go against her command?”

With no warning, a voice grunted out, her voice deep and disgruntled with every word she spoke out: “Watch it Crimson.” Both diamonds flinched when they heard Black Diamond’s call out. Black diamond was White diamonds personal apprentice, a Title that the rest of the Minor Diamonds could only dream of. She had a dark and demeaning aura to her, that made her not very approachable, much less, sociable. Orange couldn't recall ever having a proper conversation with her, and in some aspects she was rather glad about that. Black Diamond seemed to dim any room she walked into, sucking all of the light out of the space. It made almost any common gem weak, and cower from her.“To question White Diamonds authority is considered treason, even for a gem of your status and station.” Black growled out.

“Im sorry, You misunderstand though Black, I meant it rhetorically.” Crimson gave a sly smile, not affected by Black’s presence. “We follow White Diamond and her Authority because she has been nothing but merciless letting us exist and serve the diamond authority, despite us being less than an actual diamond. We follow her because she guides gemkind to do what is necessary…” It sounded rehearsed, like Crimson had prepared for this, and Orange almost bought the sincerity in her words, if only she hadn't been smiling while she spoke. There was something about Crimson that had always put the other diamonds at ease, weather it was her casual demeanor towards everything, or her cheerful personality, no one could stay mad at Crimson.

Black seemed to accept Crimsons words with nothing more than one more glare, and simply turned away and out of the room, leaving Crimson and Orange alone once more. The fact that Black had overheard them of all the times that she could have came, had to be one of the most unlucky coincidences that Orange had experienced. To fill in the awkwardness left in her wake, Orange Diamond cleared her throat and turned back to Crimson. “Well, whats Pink diamond like then? Perhaps you'll have more facts rather than rumors this time.”

“Pink? Well shes simply wonderful.” Orange chuckled now, and Crimson became defensive “Im not just saying that! Its true. She has a bad temper, though she has gotten way better about it recently after an unfortunate incident with one of her pearls. Whenever I'm with her, she treats me as if I'm not…lesser than…”

“Even though we are?” Orange countered, and Crimson groaned. “You get angry, but we all know its the truth. How bad is her anger though?” Orange goaded on, clearly seeing that Crimson was getting irritated with the intrusion on her diamonds information.

Crimson sat quietly for a second before answering. “She… well, she broke her own pearl recently.”

“Are you kidding?” Orange’s eyes widened at this revelation “You mean she shattered her?” She had not heard of this from yellow, but then again, yellow rarely spoke of the other diamonds and their personal issues with the minor diamonds. It was that lack of knowledge that divided the Minor diamonds from the diamond authority, and from one another.

“Well, not exactly… She’s broken but, not shattered. After she reformed, one of her eyes had a scar remain on it. White diamond took the poor pearl and replaced her with a new pearl, one of the basic ones.” Crimson shrugged, as if it was nothing of importance, and Orange found herself wondering if she was over exaggerating with how she found the whole situation ridiculous.

“Ah, well, that makes sense then. If she cant take care of a custom pearl, then why not just give her a generic pearl.” Orange sighed “Still though, the poor thing. She must have been terrified.” Crimson hummed in agreement, and then finally asked the question that was on her mind since the start of the conversation.

“What’s making you question about the other diamonds now? Is it because of the Ball that Yellow Diamond is hosting?” Crimson spoke.

“Well, yeah.” Orange says casually, or as casually as she could. She didn't want to appear too interested in it, otherwise she was afraid that Crimson would catch on.

“Why would that concern you though? Us Minor diamonds are not allowed to attend balls unless we are officially granted Apprentice titles.” Crimson questioned further, repeating the rehearsed rules that Orange was all too familiar with.

Orange knew she had to come up with something quickly, and so she opted to say “well, Im assisting Yellow with the ball and wanted to know the other diamonds better so that I know how to properly set up the ball. I want to exceed Yellow Diamonds expectations of me, and by having this chance, I hope to prove myself even more to her.” it was basic, but did the trick as Crimson lost interest in Orange Diamonds words.

“Oh-” Crimson propped her head on her hand and leaned on it “I was so hoping that there was something else on your mind-”

“Like what?” Orange shook her head incredulously and turned to Crimson again. There was no way that Crimson knew anything.

“Well, you've served under Yellow diamond for quiet a while. The third longest minor diamond to work for the diamond authority. Not only that, but Canary is quiet young, and stands no chance on your age and wisdom, so… I thought that Yellow Diamond would have made you her apprentice by now…”

“And what of you? Has Pink spoken about making you an apprentice?” Orange countered, and Crimson turned a bright red. It was almost comical how dark she became in a matter of seconds.

“Pink knows she doesn't need to talk to me about my position in her court because it is secured. My only competition being Daria, and Daria is barely one thousand years old. She barely figured out how to fly a dropship a few moons ago, much less having the knowledge on how to assist our diamond in conquering a planet. I've been working tirelessly though to assist Pink when the Diamonds graciously allow her the opportunity to prove herself to them.”

Orange nodded her head, not genuinely listening to Crimsons ramblings, however picked her head back up at the mention of Pink having a colony. “Do you believe that she is ready for a colony?” Orange asked, genuine in her question, and Crimson nodded.

“I firmly believe that she could be a great ruler, a great diamond, because she already is one. She just needs the chance to show it…” Orange pursed her lips, but accepted the answer.

“Ill… Ill let you know if I hear anything about it.” Orange said and excused herself from their conversation.

Talking with Crimson left her with a nagging feeling in the back of her mind. What crimson said could have some truth to it, or it could all be lies, told to Orange to make her look like a fool in front of the diamond authority. She supposed she wouldn't know until the Ball.

(This fic is also posted on AO3 under the name Chaionthemoon. Ao3 is more frequently and accurately updated rather than Tumblr, so to get the next chapter faster I recommend going there first)

[psychewritesbs]

hi! i didnt have much success when looking through ur blog to see if uve addressed this alrdy so apologies if u have.

i was curious to know ur thoughts on jjk's portrayals of gender, esp women/femininity. if u have particular insight from a psych or philosophy bg, id be interested in hearing that (warning, i have a v feminist critique lens)

ik u love gege's writing 😅 but his handle on female characters/femininity has given me such a difficult relationship w jjk, and its v difficult to have discourse on it. on one hand, we're introduced to sm interesting realistic women, tbh i actually never stanned a woman in manga before jjk. but imo it cant be denied that gege is a sexist writer. despite how realistic jjk women r theyre all .. halfwritten? i cant think of a single one who isnt underwritten, not fully explored, not utilized substantially in the plot, etc. and there r sm ex's of extremely minor male characters in jjk who r given more thematic relevance than frequently recurring women that just underscores that gender gap imo

this isnt solely a gege problem ik but what bothers me in particular about jjk vs other mangas is how gege addresses strength, even in the light of nb/androgynous characters, and how it feels as if gege's def of strength is inherently masculine? even despite going so far as to give us a philosophical battle shonen w diverse reps of gender and emphasizing individuality that encompasses both femme/masc traits

how a reader interprets whether a jjk woman is strong or not is obv subjective. like, i think shoko is strong but shes not depicted as such bc she doesnt have a combative technique whereas yuki maki nobara or mei r depicted as "strong" bc of their battle abilities. but it also feels as if those women r strong bc they take on "masculine" traits/mindsets whereas there r no clear depictions of "femininity" making women or men stronger. even utahime who falls into v classic shoujo girl tropes is seen as weak despite teaching her students v proficientally in battle strategy (mechamaru v mahito is a good ex of that imo), as compared to how gojo teaches his (ie dumping them into missions for experience). but thats not what gege ever chooses to highlight

femininity also doesnt even seem to make men/nb characters stronger. the ex's i can think of r naoya as a vagina (lmao), geto as a mother to curses, yuta as highly attuned to his emotions, kenjaku as yuji's mother -- those r things that support these (mostly) men's strong sense of individuality but like, those arent really the things that lend those characters their "strength", u know? like geges just sprinkling in androgyny for the spice 🧐

what is feminine vs masculine, how an individual embodies those traits in their gender identity r already complex topics. im obv generalizing a lot here, but i just, idk despite how many other nuanced philosophies gege explores, what is strong/desirable in jjk still falls down to all-out fighting abilities/physical prowess, emotional detachment, isolation, extremism, etc -- all things we harp on toxic masculinity for. and even when he critiques that, theres no cogent counter solution/way to be strong that gege provides, much less one that incorporates "femininity" and women

maybe im just asking for too much from gege after having read so many great representations of women and gender by female (and male) mangakas/writers but.. i shouldnt be 🙄 he can utilize his female characters more imo, esp when he can clearly set them up so well. and im sure theres things ive misread about jjk and its portrayal of femininity, theres plenty of holes in my thoughts ^^ anyways, this is obv not a great topic to bring up in a fandom that is so polarized between dudebros and women w unaddressed internalized misogyny.. so i welcome any and all thoughts and interpretations on ur end! (also omg im rlly sorry this got so long)

I love you feminist anon, if I may call you that lol, I just always name my anons 😂. I am so grateful that you sent this.

I feel like you've very eloquently explained the deeper reason as to why I personally can't relate to the female characters in jjk. If I'm honest, I like them and think they are fun and good enough representations or attempts at depicting the archetypes that rule their personalities.

As you say, however, some of them remain rather superficial and underutilized... and please forgive me anyone who loves them, but some of them feel like they are basically dudes wearing skirts.

No offense to dudes who wear skirts or people who like men who wear skirts or anyone for that matter. It's just that, as a personal preference, I like female characters that wear skirts, pants, leggings, etc and have equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy.

So, even if I find they are good enough, I've never necessarily loved jjk female characters, because, as you also say, I've read/seen one too many amazing and iconic female characters by other authors...

And it's not like I think you're asking for too much from Gege in wanting better female characters, it's just that, as you also said, I like his writing and I read jjk precisely because of what it's doing for my masculine psyche. Like... quite literally.

So perhaps I'm more forgiving than you are because of it? Because in all reality, there are female character moments in other manga that I have to give the bombastic side eye to, and jjk isn't one of them.

Let's taco'bout it more under the cut.

So, that said, I have to admit that you might not find a lot of "feminist oriented" content in my blog because my feminist lens is reserved for dealing with lame dudebros in my real life, and also, I honestly do not know how to wear the lens on the same level of depth as you do.

Also, since my blog's lens is depth psych, I very much focus on femininity and masculinity as psychological qualities that exist on opposite ends of a continuum regardless of biological gender. You'll see me refer to femininity and masculinity like this throughout my answer.

So because of this, I'm coming at the whole issue from a slightly different angle than you are. The way I see it, I think the way the jjk female characters are written and thematically utilized (basically everything you said), ultimately comes back to how Gege's exploration of femininity is limited by his own sense of self, and very much likely biased by the sociocultural landscape he grew up in.

I don't know how much you know about Japan, but Japan has one foot in the future, and one foot in the past...

And like... ok I'm totally oversimplifying the whole thing. All I'm saying is... Gege is a man who grew up in a man's world, sharing his view of the world through jjk, which is a story about initiation of the male psyche that is published in a magazine for young boys.

Do you see the pattern there?

So If you feel like his female characters are underutilized and underexplored, and that thematically jjk focuses way too much on masculinity and masculine definitions of strength at the expense of the feminine archetypes he does present (like Naoya as a vagina LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)... well... to me, we're basically looking at the limits of his own relationship to his femininity, which, this relationship is in turn an imperative precursor for psychospiritual development in depth psych. More of this in a bit.

Anyways, that's my anticlimactic reasoning for why I am more forgiving about the issue than you are. To be honest, I've been so consumed exploring my masculine psyche through jjk (because personally my feminine psyche is more developed in certain aspects) that I just never focus on the female characters (that is not to mention what I shared earlier).

ANYWAYS, I fucking love what you wrote about Gege's exploration on power from a masculine perspective because you're 100% spot on. What I'll say to that is that, to me, from a depth psych perspective, that's kind of the whole point.

I invite you to look at it from this other level of perspective (in addition to the whole "Gege's psych is a product of his upbringing"): the whole idea of individuality and focusing on the sense of self as a measure of "The Strongest" is being shown as an incomplete part of the equation...

... that leaves "the strongest" ultimately feeling dissatisfied.

This is a sentiment echoed by several characters because ego strength (masculine definitions of strength) is ultimately an unbalanced measure of strength precisely because it ignores feminine values and measures of strength.

Who knows where Gege is taking jjk at this point, but I will admit I am hoping he is going to explore this in more depth because, central to Jungian thought and depth psych is the idea of the Buddhist middle path and union of opposites.

In Jungian psych this means that, when you have an unbalanced ego attitude like that, something has to give so that the pendulum swings in the opposite direction, which gives the ego the experiences it needs to integrate the "opposite" attitude. This ultimately results in a more holistic and balanced perspective for the ego.

That to say that I'm wondering if Gege is going to make the pendulum swing in the opposite direction with the whole "individuality" idea since self-preservation is a "masculine" trait. Again, psychologically, it's all about balance, and right now, the story is out of balance in favor of the masculine traits you mention.

But... to bring it back to Gege's possible limitations around his perception of femininity and how developing a healthy relationship to his anima (femininity) is a precursor for psychospiritual development... what if, on a meta level, jjk is depicting part of Gege's journey towards integrating and deepening his relationship to his femininity and what you're seeing is the beginning of that journey?

Hint hint Tsumiki! maybe I'll write about it someday

This is the thing... In depth psychology, more specifically what is called "the psychology of fairy tales", fairy tales and myths are stories that depict the thinking patterns of a peoples through metaphor and symbol. The characters in these myths and stories are thus characters playing out dramas in our own psyches. So basically, think of jjk as an objective exploration of Gege's subjectiveness (psyche).

Admittedly, even if the pendulum swings in the other direction (more feminine definitions of strength), you might find that his exploration is rather shallow or that it falls short of your expectations for what you'd like to see from a feminist perspective. And you wouldn't be wrong for it, it's just that Gege is probably not on the same level of understanding that you have about femininity because he's, like you and I, a human on a journey of self understanding and growth reflecting on how his environment has shaped who he is.

The same goes for women with internalized misogyny. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know, and coming to an understanding of it is a process that doesn't take place overnight.

So I think the only part I'll disagree with is that Gege is a sexist writer. But that's perhaps because I'm being a bit too technical in what sexist means? i.e. masc supremacy or hating women and perpetuating stereotypes. I think that rather than being sexist, his unconscious biases are showing, which is why someone like you can pick them out.

I do understand where you're coming from though, and admittedly perhaps I am being too forgiving of him.

Last thing I'll say is that I've said a couple of times that wanting for jjk to have these iconic female characters feels like an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I now understand that it's not that anyone shouldn't want for jjk to have iconic female characters, but that doesn't change the fact that jjk will probably remain the wrong manga to look for them, and that's something to make peace with because it is what it is.

So, here's to hoping we get a chance to see a deeper representation of feminine values in jjk or Gege's next manga. Because, if he's done such beautiful work with the masculine psyche, like you, I'd be curious to see what he makes of a deeper exploration of the feminine psyche.

Between you and I, I'd actually love reading a proper battle bl from Gege. And I mean proper. Like... gays so canon that even the dudebros can't deny it.

ANYWAYS... giiiiiiiirl what an ask 😮‍💨. I don't think I've done it justice tbh. But hopefully I made sense? I really do love what you wrote. It was very eye opening to see this age-old argument spelled out the way you did it. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

If you over have any other thoughts on the topic I look forward to hearing from you!

I rambled too so... hopefully I made sense 🤣.