#not rly but whatever. they consume me anyway

[rosemary-bells]

i’ve always wondered why there weren’t many role reversal aus for ranwan and honestly. i can say that after about three days of writing.

i finally have an answer.

they r like literally impossible to write.

[eepyuii]

to embrace and consume

pairing ; childe x gender neutral!reader

content ; childhood friends to enemies to lovers?

cw ; violence, choking, frequent mention of injuries and blood, blood drinking, hurt/comfort? angst??? kinda???

notes ; sorry folks, not a new frostbite chapter!!!! life still pretty hectic, preparing for college now but i’ve had this idea for a while now and i thought trying out a oneshot would be cool!!! :3

this is kinda like an alternate reality of frostbite where the reader and childe still grew up together but they do actually grow to hate each other instead of that pussy shit i wrote before LMFAO. perhaps in this instance the reader didn’t join the fatui or maybe moved away from snezhnaya??? idk and they face off like they did in the golden house

also bear with me with this idea… i got it from that video of the boxer’s laying down and rubbing blood all over each others faces IM SORRY I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS RLY COOL ;w; this is the steamiest thing i can write that’s not smut, i don’t think i could ever write smut

ANYWAY I HOPE U LIKE IT

small tip-taps of two children running simultaneously. uncontrollable giggles echo from either side. they run circles around each other, in an infinite futile attempt of catching one another— they care not, for the point isn’t to win.

silent, calculated footsteps. they’re slow and careful, like a predator and its prey rounding each other, or perhaps even two predators— they only serve to postpone the inevitable clash of claw and teeth, in which only one will leave alive.

ajax tackles you into a bed of snow that steadily cushions your fall. he falls on top of you with a ‘puff!’ and you’ve both gone past the point of any hope in containing your laughter, chests shaking against each other as you cackle. you feel your head grow warm from the excitement and exertion, the fluffy snow that surrounds it creating a pleasant juxtaposition.

right as the two of you have finally managed to catch your breaths, panting out the last few giggles remaining inside you, ajax’s mouth grows into a devious grin. he leans back above you, arms winding back behind him… and lunges down at you— his small skittering fingers tickling your sides in a vicious attack. you roar in unceasing laughter as you shake from side to side in a futile effort to evade your best friend’s tickles.

“aja- ahahah.. s-stop! i can’t- hahah.. can’t breathe!”

the first arrow is fired, you dodge— then the second, then the third. they’re shot almost rhythmically, very predictably into your previous position, like childe is expecting you to dodge them. his expression is unreadable, unrecognizable even. he’s entirely unrecognizable to you. thinking about it nearly distracts you from the woosh of his arrows around you and the sound rushing water as he charges the next one with hydro energy, but your instincts thankfully take the wheel and allow you to evade childe’s onslaught of arrows almost subconsciously.

you’ve long since given up on maintaining a poker face, as your expression had slid down into a frown of pure resentment. you hate him, whatever he is right now— not ajax for sure. it feels as though it’s been an eternity since that name last left your mouth, the fond familiarity that it set on your tongue long dead, much like the boy the name once belonged to. he’s dead now, he must be.

within a flurry of varied attacks, a particular sharp wave of water finally outsmarts you— you’re a breath away from successfully evading it when it slashes your bicep in a cut as thin as a hair strand with a sting that feels cold and ruthless against your skin. the coldness of the cut is quickly replaced with a seeping warmth, your blood slowly making its way out of the incision as you huff with frustration and finally decide to get on the offensive. your polearm swooshes through the air with heavy, vicious swings hellbent on landing on your opponent.

a millisecond after one of your swings lands on childe’s shoulder, he’s already reacting with a near animalistic growl and unforgiving slashes of his transformed hydro blades.

and so ensues a bloodthirsty back-and-forth.

it’s akin to a battle between birds of prey, or africanized bees— violently and ceaselessly, the two of you clash at the center of the battlefield and the sheer force of your exchange in hits and counterattacks pushes you back apart, sending either one to opposite poles of the arena. two magnets on the wrong end that insist on approaching each other by the pure drive of utter hatred.

childe, much like his namesake, still manages to find a window to be cocky and throws taunting words at you with an overconfident smirk. even as a living weapon of war, he doesn’t forsake his immaturity.

after feeling like you might die from laughing too hard, you finally obtain the advantage on ajax and his fierce onslaught of tickles and manage to push him off of you— he lands on the snow behind him with an equally cushioned ‘puff!’. you stand over him, half-triumphant and half-malicious with the intent of paying him back in full for his sudden attack.

ajax comprehends your wordless intention immediately and kicks his feet into the ground to slowly back away from you as nervous giggles leave his lips. like a reversed déjà vu, you wind your arms back to prepare your own tickling power— only now, as your in the midst of lunging down at your best friend, he disappears and you land face down on the snow, ajax’s roaring laughter ringing out from a distance behind you.

it doesn’t take much to spot the fiery blur of ginger hair, plus his favorite red scarf, zooming through the trees. you start chuckling once again and take off after him.

“get back here, ajax!”

“you’ll never catch me, slowpoke!” he taunts.

“all you do is run!” you retort.

a raspy grumble escapes childe, one that sounds a lot like the words ‘all you do is run!’, but you’re far too simultaneously tired and pumped with adrenaline to process it properly. thinking those words are truly what he said brings a burning to your chest, one unlike the physical injuries you’re sustaining— no, it feels more like the ache of a fond memory now long lost. you can’t bring yourself to remember why that would be the case.

you’re both exhausted at this point, panting uncontrollably, movements turning sluggish.

childe’s steps falter, knees shaking as if he’s about to fall, and he braces himself to summon the power of his delusion as violet sparks of electricity emit from him. you feel the hairs on the back of your head rise to attention as you tense up and prepare for the new challenge your opponent seems to pose— only for him to utterly fail.

being far too weak, the electro particles dissipate and childe’s legs finally give in when he falls to the ground with a miserable groan. shouldn’t have left his delusion as a last resort.

that previous seeping warmth of blood has since taken over your entire body as you’re practically dripping in your own blood, soon enough it’s far too much for you to handle and you join childe as you slump on the floor pathetically. the silence becomes deafening as both you and your opponent become far too incapacitated to do anything but pant and stare at each other with burning glares ridden with loathing.

you utterly despise him. how far he’s fallen, how much he’s done. all for the sake of a loveless ruler and the thrill of the bloodshed she promises him.

“i-i…” you mutter, voice strained and shaky, yet it still catches childe’s attention in full. “i hate you.”

those three words seem to irk childe to his very core, as his anger grows into seething growls completely rid of any previous composure. he roars ferally as he uses his remaining strength to launch at you, slamming you down into the cold floor. your head painfully lands against the hard surface and leaves you with an overwhelming ache in your cranium.

a shaky but determined hand rises to your throat and tries its mightiest to squeeze. your own hands immediately rise to fight back and push him away, feeling the air in your throat grow thinner and thinner. you instinctively panic and thrash under him, terrified that you might actually die by childe’s hands, like pathetic prey. your heart is drumming in your ears like it itself is drowning in a panic attack. oh god you’re going to die.

miraculously, your protests prove to be needles as the harbinger himself doesn’t have the strength to properly choke you to death—he gives up and resorts to just looming over you while choked, heaving breaths and coughs leave you, filling in the silence. within the dizzy haze that your head injury brings, your vision blurs for a moment and you’re almost able to see the shining face of a grinning, ginger-haired young boy above you. it’s gone within the next second.

you wonder if childe sees the same thing you do. you wonder if he, even for a millisecond, sees your giggly younger self beneath him. you wonder if that’s what makes him falter in his attempt to strangle you.

your questions seem to be sensed by him and wordlessly answered as he slowly lowers his forehead to yours, tired eyes falling to a close. his nose drips blood like a faucet and it lands warmly onto your face. you’re far too tired to bring yourself to care about it, you just close your own eyes instead. you remain like that for a while, just breathing in the metallic scent of each other’s blood. your wounds scream at you, you don’t listen— you listen to childe’s journey into regulating his breathing instead and subconsciously follow suit. you’re so unbelievably fucking tired, you’re 99% confident you’ll pass out underneath childe any moment now. there aren’t enough words in the world to explain what happens next.

a sudden wetness drags itself across your face and you perplexedly open your eyes to discover that it turns out to be childe dragging his blood-soaked face against yours, cheek rubbing onto your own and spreading crimson all over it— like a slobbering puppy. it’s utterly inexplicable.

just like how it’s utterly inexplicable that you don’t pull away. no, you laugh. you’d like to blame it on your delirious exhaustion, how you just stay and accept it. allow your blood to mix with his, more than it ever would’ve if you had just killed each other and been done with it. childe soon joins you with his own weak giggles and the two of you, for even a fraction of a moment, feel like children again.

it’s mindless, it’s silly, it’s uncaring. like you’re merely playing in the snow again and rubbing the melting snow that clings onto your faces on each other.

your hands irrationally rise to cup childe’s cheeks but you still don’t think to push him away, nor does he think to leave your touch. it’s utterly familiar and completely foreign all at once. though not as much as what happens next— in the harbinger’s mission to slobber blood all over you, your lips brush several times but neither act upon it. until childe finally decides to firmly clamp his mouth onto yours, like a parched man desperate for water.

he kisses you. and it’s okay, you’re okay. you’re both okay.

the sanguine soup that you two create inevitably to slither into your mouth and you gulp it down— it feels like the freshest sip of water you’ve ever taste. you must’ve hit your head catastrophically hard. you feel childe’s content sigh blow over you from his nose and realize you’ve got your own sigh of utter fulfillment to let out. perhaps this is more familiar than it is foreign, this subconscious affection. perhaps if you had had more time together, grown up together, you would’ve noticed the effortless childhood connection the two of you had would’ve blossomed into something more at some point. you know it would have.

you know this because you and childe seem to only kiss harder and deeper, pulling away only when breathing seems to be absolutely necessary and falling back in. drinking more of each other’s blood, intertwining further. the taste makes you nearly delirious.

you pass out from exhaustion in each other’s arms, both thinking that it might not be so terrible to be killed by the other’s hand if it means you’d get to consume each other so purely once again.

[phantom-0-writer]

*standing menacingly at the door* i made u something

anyways lol. i had a lot of school work and was really busy freaking out and stress studying for a singular test that was 4 questions and would be over in like an hour and then i proceeded to cry about it in my car for various reasons.

but yk what that means!

time for our irregular and unscheduled update of

Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program

this episode featuring a fan favorite: Duke Thomas (aka The Signal - but thats kind of irrelevant for this)

you were supposed to read that like it was from a '90s sitcom and the off screen crowd cheers rly loudly.

some house keeping updates: this scene happens in the beginning of the school year (going by the american system should be september) danny meets damian (and upsurges tim on the same day) around midterm which is around october and then the stuff with jason and damian's drawing happens around december. i kinda accidentally burned the irl timeline for anything dc first scene so now im just gonna do whatever i want.

anyways with out further ado:

table of contents

scene 04: after school activities for normal kids

Duke stood around the corner of the classroom awkwardly, wondering if he had made the right call. Sure the bats and the birds had a plethora of hands on deck any time, but most of them specialized as night time heros. Not to say that they were incompetent or anything, they were some of the most skilled and innovative people Duke had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Sure if anything happened, they could handle it, at least until Duke could slip away and show up as the Signal- Alfred and Bruce had assured him so much. But Duke couldn’t slip the guilt of busying away more of his time to after school activities when he could be patrolling or studying instead, 

But Duke had wanted to do something outside of those things, which was specifically why he had made the difficult decision to join a few clubs and after school activities. He could use a break from being surrounded by people who worked the vigilante life-style just to remember how to be a normal civilian. Let himself take a break from constantly be consumed by one case or another, one disaster or another, not being able to do enough no matter how much he tried or how much time he spent patrolling. 

Duke needed to feel grounded, like his feet were on the ground and he could press the brakes and smell the fragrance of life. Even if the fragrance was a forgotten pile of dog s-

“Alright,” The instructor for their culinary club started with a weird German accent that sounded really fake. “I am Herman. You can call me Chef or Chef Herman or just Chef. I will not bore you all with the boring introductions, and let's head right into the cooking, yes. On this paper here I made the partners for all of you to cook with for the rest of the year. If you have problem with it then quit.” 

This Herman guy seemed like quite the character, and was definitely not helping any of Duke’s previous anxieties. Many of Duke’s clubmates seem to think so too, sending their friends various looks. But no one spoke out, and instead shuffled to the front to look at the singular sheet of paper that would assign them their partners. Duke finally made it to the front and saw that he was paired with a Daniel Fenton at Station 7. 

Crossing his fingers that Daniel had at least only a half-rotten personality, Duke made his way over to station 7. The station was already prepped with an assortment of ingredients and cooking equipment. Duke had already set his stuff down claiming the seat closer to the exit (in case) when a lanky kid comes over, “Uh, your Duke Thomas?” He asks hesitantly looking back at the front counter the partner assignment sheet was. 

It took Duke an awkward second longer to realize that this kid was probably his partner. “Oh yeah I am.” He laughed apologetically, “You must be Daniel.” 

“Danny’s fine.” The boy smiled, absentmindedly brushing his messy black hair out of his face, his glacier blue looking at the equipment. Duke couldn’t help but feel like there was something off about Danny. Not in Gotham’s usual psycho-maniac-out-to-terrorizer-the-city-and-kill-innocent-people kind of off, more in a he’s not in sync with the rest of the world off. While Chef Herman explained the general structure of various types of kitchen and kitchen hierarchy that Duke was already familiar with, Duke tried to get a read on him. 

Weird did not mean threat, after all many of the Justice League- heck even the local Wayne/Batclan were pretty weird- and they (usually) didn’t mean any harm. It wouldn’t be fair of Duke to jump the horse like that. 

Deciding he should try to be friendly with him, Duke leaned over, “Is it just me or is Chef Herman’s accent totally fake?” he whispered. 

“Oh, Ancients,” Anciets? “I thought I was just going insane.” Danny sighed in relief with a small chuckle. There was a moment of silence between the two of them where no one said anything for longer than socially acceptable and Duke debated using his powers to see if he could find a clue or something. That seemed kinda invasive, though. 

When the Chef had started instructions on making today's recipe, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Danny helped Duke measure out the ingredients. “So,” Danny tried again, “What are you in for?” 

“What am I…” Duke repeated confused, 

Danny chuckled awkwardly, “Like why you joined the club.” 

Duke seriously needed to get his head in the present; this was getting embarrassing. “Oh.” He nodded in understanding, “I’ve always liked cooking,” Duke shrugged, “When I was little my parents and I would always cook together, and it was always one of my favorite things to do. And I’ve kinda always liked it, but I fell off of it for a while with school and stuff,” emphasis on the stuff “I thought joining a club could help me get back into it and get away from… everything.” That was a little more candid than Duke had planned on being with someone he had met quite literally a few minutes ago, but it felt good to have that out of his chest. The pleasant memories of his parents swimming in his mind. Mixing the dry ingredients, “Sorry that was kind of a lot.” Duke laughed genuinely this time. 

“Dude, no it’s actually so cool that you like to cook.” Danny said admiration was easy on his face, and Duke couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed. 

“What about you, then?” 

“Ugh,” He groaned jokingly, “You can’t seriously be asking for my lame ass reason after you pulled out the flashbacks.” Danny whined, letting the oven preheat like Chef told them to. 

“C’mon, it’s only fair.” Duke played along, already ahead of the other groups. 

Danny sighed, “Promise you won’t laugh.” 

“Okay, it can’t be that bad.” Duke could already feel the smile cracking on his face. 

“It is.” Danny drawlled, “So I live in the dorms right, and I got to pull some strings and room with one of my friends from back home this year. And well, let’s just say my family has a bit of a reputation for causing problems, and the kitchen definitely wasn’t an exception. One time my dad tried to make some soup for my mom because she got sick.” Duke nodded approvingly, that was a sweet gesture, “It was all fun and games until the bomb squad had to show up and long story short we had to move.” 

“You’re joking.” Duke gaped at the bizarre story, but at Danny’s solemn expression, Duke couldn’t help but be appalled, “A bomb squad over soup.”

“My parents were never really heavy on lab safety,” Danny added, as if that explained everything, “But I burn one pot of water and maybe make a few extra-crispy eggs, and suddenly its all ‘Danny you’re not allowed in the kitchen unless you start taking actual classes’ and ‘Danny that's a biohazard’.” 

“You burned a pot of water.” Duke echoed, Danny nodded innocently, “Water doesn’t burn.”

“Well, maybe you’re just not trying hard enough.” Danny sneered, trying to crack an egg on the corner of the bowl only for all the shell to fall in the bowl and the yolk on the counter. 

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s true.” Duke said, taking the bowl from him and expertly cracking an egg single handedly. Danny looked on in awe. “You said you live in the dorms?” Duke asked easily. 

“Oh yeah, all of the non-local scholarship kids have to.” 

Before Duke could respond, a girl from the station in front of them whips her head around, “You said you’re here on a scholarship?” She asked almost oppressively. 

Danny just as taken aback as Duke felt, “Uh, yeah.” 

“Me, too. Have you heard anything about the Mentorship Program here? Apparently we all have to join.” The girl’s partner was looking between Duke and Danny confused, but returned to their cooking uninterested. 

“Oh, yeah. They make us all join.” Danny nodded. 

“I heard from some of the older kids, that no one actually gets picked for that. It’s just like a weird formality thing.” The girl spoke animatedly, “What department are you in?” 

“Applied physics and engineering design.” The oven beeps that it was ready but no one moved. 

The girl seemed to deflate that answer, “Oh, I’m doing culinary science.” And with that solid conclusionary statement, she turned around and got back to her work station. 

Danny blinked, processing what just happened and slowly turning to look at Duke for proof that just happened. But the second the both of them met each other’s eyes, they burst into a fit of silent laughter. 

Bent vunuralably over the table, trying to catch their breath, they were accosted by Chef Hermon. “The two of you are having a comedy club, not a cooking club.” Chef crossed his arms at the edge of the table. Duke was pretty sure he was trying to sold them, but the fake accent was making it hard to tell. 

Danny cleared his throat and striated up, “Sorry, Sir.” He apologized quickly. 

“Chef.” Hermon peered at them, his hat looking comically large and lopsided on his head now that Duke was getting a closer look. 

“Sorry, Chef.” Duke amended, trying to keep his cool. 

“Yes, finish cooking your cookies.” He nodded satisfied, leaving their station. 

“Okay so,” Duke tried to recount what the last thing they did was, but one look at Danny trying desperately to hold in his laugh had ruined all of Duke’s efforts as well. Barely managing to get their cookies in the oven, over Chef’s fake german accent and floppy oversized chef’s hat. 

“So scholarship for applied physics and engineering design, huh.” Duke recounted from earlier, impressed. 

“Yeah…” Danny trailed off embarrassed, “It sounds kinda snotty.” 

“Dude. That’s literally one of the hardest departments to get into, and the scholarship is no sneeze either. There’s no doubt you worked your butt off to get that.” Duke assured Danny as they sat in their stools waiting for the cookies to finish. 

“Thanks,” Danny smiled sheepishly. They sat in a much more comfortable silence now before Danny spoke again, “What grade are you in by the way?” 

“I’m in 10th. General studies for now, but I was thinking of doing medicine. You?” 

“I could totally see you as a hot-shot doctor.” Danny nodded approvingly, “11th. Technically, I’m your upperclassman then.” 

“Technically?” Duke asked.

“I mean, how old are you?” 

“15.” Duke supplied confused. 

“Me too. I skipped a grade in elementary school, so we’re actually the same age.” Danny explained, sheepishly. 

“Dude, you're actually way smart.” Duke gaped in awe. 

“Hey medicine isn’t a day walk either.” Danny nudged his arm playfully, “I’m glad the mentorship thing is just for show, though. Now that we’re upperclassmen, y’know. I would not want my hands full with some random rich kid.” 

Duke laughed, “Yeah, that definitely sounds like a lot of work.” 

Easily unfolding the conversation into various topics and interests Duke found that he didn’t mind that the cookies were burnt. Or that Danny was definitely weird. But in a good way. Duke was glad they met and would get to hang out and cook with their weird not-German Chef every week. And if Danny and Duke exchanged numbers and planned to hangout outside of club activities, then well who was going to stop them.

[perfectlyfrosty]

HI HELLO WAVES 👋👋👋

Holy shit i just logged back in after being offline for months and WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE ASKS LIKEE WHY DID YALL DECIDE TO TREAT ME LIKE SOMEONE CAPABLE OF KNOWING THINGS AND ANSWERING QUESTIONS WHEN IM NOT HEREE GAHH I FEEL SO BAD

Also i have like 50 more followers now idk how that happened

Anyways yes Peppermint reporting for hijack duty 🫡🫡 im in college now- i rly hope im actually back this time lol i actually love this community AND IM SO EXCITED FOR ALL THE NEW ARTWORK THAT DROPPED WHILE I WAS OFF?? All the fellow hijack pookies are so insane… im gonna consume all yalls art. Also answer months old asks sorry everyone 💀

I want to get back into posting my art 🥺👉👈 hi to anyone still reading this: (no one even knows who tf i am) i love youu, if you like hijack or other 3d animated series or whatever pls be my friend❤️❤️❤️

Ok i will stop being pathetic now and pretending i have an audience lmaoo but hi hijack fandom hope ur day is going well even tho all is going to hell 🫶 (cough cough america)

I love boys

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi miss L, i have a spiritual/religious question and i don't know anyone else who could answer it.... since i was a kid i've been attracted to tarot, spirituality, mystical explanations of the worlds workings, astrology, all that good stuff. i never used to connect my spirituality to a single higher power, and i never had any issues with this. for a few years i've been wanting more than just a disturbingly accurate tarot spread and i feel compelled towards god. i'm not sure how to word it honestly! i keep getting messages all around me telling me the saint that watches over me, and that god is there too. so here's my issue.

whenever i reach out and pray or do any kind of ritual or reach out specifically to god or a saint, my life immediately starts going haywire. yesterday i set up a small shrine in my room for my dead kitty since i've been feeling better about her passing and i prayed a little. i asked for sign that i was going in the right direction, and hours after i prayed, our sink plumbing got clogged, my cat (living) ran out and had to be caught, my mom dropped a whole bowl of food, and i wasn't able to pick up groceries bc the bank cards wouldnt work. this never happens in my household, we've been joking that we're cursed. this happens everytime i try to reach out to god. the worst time was when my mom lost her job, dad crashed his car, and i kept having panic attacks out of the blue for a week. i freaked out and took everything i said back and bathed in salt water for hours hoping i could cleanse whatever happened to me. it worked and my life was back to normal the next day.

do you have any advice? i would love to put my trust in a higher power as i've never been religious before, but smthn is going wrong somehow.

thank you for reading, i love seeing you on the dash and your music is so soothing and nostalgic. much love!! <3 <3 <3 <3

so sweet, and caring, thankyou u//u...im sorry things have been difficult :< The following message does not in any way endorse the claim that i understand God, that God could ever be understood, or that any one of us should every try to understand the -inner workings- of God ! purely my feelings v v v

i relate to ur background cus i grew up w no religion, my parents didnt talk about any kind of woo-woo stuff, my dads dad was woo-woo AF and my dad haaaaated it so he rejected all of it so i was pree much just a blank slate. but for some reason i was just REALLY obsessed w magical thinking and the like. believed in god spirits nature deities angels demons magic aliens and i was totaly engrossed in ~my secret world~. i was kinda scared of religion tho i viewed it in a bad light since i was learning about it during the george bush post-9/11 era & for some reason my child self was rly interested in consuming critique of america , iraq war / westboro baptist church type stuff , from an outsider's perspective i saw religion as something american people used as justification for committing atrocities & crazy power trips , which, i mean.. anyways

it didnt help me trust God xD but many of my beliefs remained into my teens i just didnt have any outlet for them. so i got into astrology around 15/16, started learning more about tarot & occultish type things, crytstals, all those subjects intrigued me very much. but i felt the same way as you, like, something was still lacking from it, even when i got these super profound tarot readings, or read my birth chart a million times over looking for clues about ~wtf is this stupid life for~ , i never felt safe. never felt assured, never felt i could trust myself or my future. it was an odd period, early 20s. but then kinda same as u, as my knowledge on these topics expanded i started to notice the quality of Holiness a lot more. the more i learned about different religions the more i realized how connected it all was, and how religion connects to "the occult", and magic, light and dark, i find it very hard to put into words. i just started to find myself actually really earnestly believing in God in a way i never thought i could? Like reading the bible & being completely enthralled, i NEVER woulda thought. i started to feel way safer in the world even tho im still not "christian" technicaly. but i believe in jesus now and it makes me feel safe on a cellular level.

i believe the real jesus was wholly non judgemental and loved everyone no matter what, the thing that susses me out about Religious Institutions was always the judgement that can spawn from it. misses the point of everrything in my opinion.

its kinda wild actually cus when i used to be into like, trash reality tv ghost hunting shows, i remember there was one ep where this psychic was talking about how she always prays to jesus for protection before doing a reading or entering a haunted place. that really intrigued me cus i thought jesus and psychic automatically cancelled each other out. i think that moment rly opened up the rabbitehole and it was so mundane like wtf. still rememebr it tho!

sorry im really in a typing mood tonight.. So my next point was gonna be that, just because i started to really believe in god and jesus and really PRAY for protection & guidance, my life did not get easier xD like i would say the past 6 years have been nothing short of a shit show. my life was fucked before that too tho so its hard to compare, but still, its safe to say my shift in perspective actually brought a lot of chaos into mylife. the point of it, i feel, is that i had to dismantle it in order to truly Live in the frequency of trusting God. because this was new to me! i wanted to trust God, i put out the energy of seeking God, and God was like ok hold on tight..

So now i'm here all these years later like, oh yeah God is real and i love him and it's all real. it's CEMENTED into me lol. When i used to say i trust God it still felt like i was asking permission to be able to feel that way. but now i really really do. And messed up stuff will keep happening forever because there needs to be light & dark, there can't b one without the other. But now i have faith in a really personal way that i wld never attempt to transfer onto another like even by talking about these experiences & concepts i still feel like i don't want to prove anything. except that it's worth it to keep trying, i guess :]

and OK this is really just how i feel like take it with a grain of salt , but from what i've gathered, if you believe in energy entities & astral happenings & whatnot, well. it's my opinion that the invisible low frequency parasites that feed on many ppl's dread & fear, when they're attached to u and u begin to raise your vibration, they get very upset and throw a fit. like think of a demon being exorcised, u know, u imagine it having a total fit in a desperate fight for it's life. if ur appeasing the demon and letting it use you then of course it's going to keep things on an even keel, u kno?

taking a salt bath was a good thing to do tho like one of the best things <3 its also good to have crosses or your holy item of choice around the house, light white candles, organize clutter. pray a lot like every time u feel happy and safe or notice something beautiful say thanku to God.. talk to your angels and encourage them i pray a lot specifically to strengthen them, upgrade their armor n shih...i ask them to work for my loved ones, i try to be concentrated on them, visualize them around me all the time, visualize them standing guard outside every door. i feel this kinda stuff increases ur Holy EXP and over time your spiritual armor gets stronger, bad entities move on and things in life start really flow. the trust just has to b there first, and it will be, so long as u allow it <3

it just takes time, and like i said i dont want to prove anything or be The Convincer, but if u were already having feelings to go down this path i recommend not giving up and let God carry u through those tough situations instead of seeing them as an absence of God or God's Wrath. just keep praying cus it can't hurt right, even if it's just a way to occupy your mind with kind thoughts about your friends and family, there's no downside to prayer. its your own journey so u just gotta live it and feel it out ^^ but pls dont feel u are being punished by God or demons or anything else! So many "bad" things that happen end up being neutral or even "good" in the long run. We can never foresee the reasoning behind God's plan ~~~

yeah, this was a long one, wow...i drank a energy drink 12 hours ago i think it made me hyper.. well have a swell evening if ur reading this anon!! o also i liek to listen to psalms before bed to help me feel calm i feel like it helps bring in angels. i think i will do so now, thanks for the Q i hope things improve for u very soon. Good night anon < 3 3 3 PMD 9

[chrliekclly]

I’m sorry but you camera for the show? What? I’m so high rn I can’t understand this. You see the show happen right. And you do the lights or whatever and the characters are litterally there and have you met the actors? Do u interact with them?? Is the magic of the show ruined for you because you see them go in and out of character???? Does it give you a different perspective on the show? If this is too much for you and you don’t want to interact with this message then ignore!!❤️❤️❤️

im a digital utility (/addt'l 2nd AC), so unless im covering one of the 2nds, i basically just set up all the teradek receivers/monitors so the directors, the DP, and the makeup dept can see wats happening on set without having to be on set (i change A Lot of batteries too)

and ykno, as far as the magic goes, the show had alredy sort of...stopped being as intense of an obsession for me as it used to be b4 i got the job on set, so it ended up being a somewhat natural shift once i got to see behind the curtain

like, dont get me wrong, i still have Mental Issues lmao, i am still not normal abt it, but it used to be so so so much worse nd th show rly consumed basically 100% of my headspace almost nonstop

so because i had kinda wound down b4 getting to work on set, it like...? it revived my love ig? but n a new way, w a new outlook that im happy to have. like, theres ben a change in energy n th past couple seasons anyways, so its felt p normal stepping into it in a new way too

that being said, i will just drop some old tags here:

[1mpulsee]

17?

MUNDAY # QUESTIONS — accepting !!

also asked by @thewomanwholaughed !

17 — fanon interpretations

// okay, it’s time for me to be an absolute hater and not in the way you may think because I’m so sick of people ragging on fanon interpretations . it’s rampant in comic book fans especially, I’ve noticed ever since I (kinda but not rly) joined the deecee fandom . (THOUGH I don’t see people being like this in the RPC, at least the people I interact with, which I’m very very happy about)

// I can’t tell you how much I see comic fans absolutely tearing down other fans because of their interpretations or headcanons, or how extreme the gatekeeping can be . I’ve seen entire blogs that are JUST tearing other comic fans down when they could rly just post their interps without making it a dunk on other people . like, comics are some of THE MOST inconsistent, long form, confusing, and contradictory sources of canon EVERRRR, and yet people still want to pretend like ‘fanonizing’ is a big deal at all when I rly don’t think it is . comics are not easily accessible . there is so much to read even for less popular characters, and not everybody has that time or the capabilities to read that much . AND WE ALL KNOW HOW FUCKASS COMICS CAN BE ………. Like literally nothing is set in stone for ANY of these mfers, literally any interpretation of a comic character ever is gonna be a fanon interpretation . comics should in all fucking honesty be the LAST source material anyone should be harping about “being accurate to canon” or consuming all content there is to consume, especially something as huge as DC . Like . I genuinely don’t understand .

// if someone enjoys reading everything there is to read and knowing a ton about canon, that’s fine . if someone has a certain interp in their head of characters or whatever, that’s fine . but I find it literally SO insane anyone expects anyone, let alone entire fandoms, to know everything about any canon . people don’t need to cater to someone’s interps or hcs because they’ve read more comics, literally just let people have fun, these comics are absolute bullshit for finding consistent characters anyway lol . if someone doesn’t like an interp or hc literally no one is forcing them to look at it or engage with it . if it’s not hurting anyone, it rly should not matter at all to people . we are ALL making shit up no matter how much people think they’re “sticking to canon” .

// people can come up with SUCH amazing interps and headcanons, and usually that’s DESPITE canon and not because of it . no matter how much someone knows about canon, if you can not be a dick about it, I really don’t care . I love fanon interps, I love stuff the fandom can come up with, I love headcanons and straight up making shit up or basically making canons ocs . I also love people who have rly faithful interps or know literally everything about comics, it’s incredibly impressive . but if I hear one more person complain about “fanonizing” or post a gatekeepy ass post on my dash I may pop a blood vessel fr .

// tldr fanon is cool actually, do what you want im the ceo of making shit up trust me bro

[possibilistfanfiction]

your latest rebloghad me snickering i never have understood the obsession with her. anything youve been listening to lately that you rec for someone looking for something new?

ok before anyone comes for me lmfao i do want to say that i generally find her music mostly fine, sometimes good, occasionally a song will make me absolutely feral for no discernible reason lol. i think she's an eco-terrorist basically but like... her music is fine & ppl being normal fans is... normal lol

what is BEYOND to me is when ppl will literally like... post abt her like she's their friend, or defend her music when like sometimes artists u like make mediocre shit! that's fine! lol like i have two lorde tattoos & i do think overall as a project solar power is beautiful & cool but was it earth-shattering like pure heroine or melodrama? no! which is fine! i don't need it to be! i also have no idea what lorde is doing day to day lol

also i will say i love pop. i love being a fan of pop. i think the world runs on pop music & it should! i named my dog after charli xcx! not everything i listen to (or consume in general) aligns with my personal politic of a free palestine & a free world! my ultimate weakness is drag race! so the level of insanity surrounding taylor swift (& beyonce tbh) by (at least in my community) gay white men (or gay men trying to perform whiteness / gain proximity to it) is just... bonkers! i could go on about this forever but i will not lol. [if u like podcasts tho, a bit fruity did an ep on the political power of taylor swift which is quite interesting. their episode becoming a woman with miss benny also talks abt gayness, femininity, & pop (in an illuminating way!!) -- check them out if u want!!]

ANYWAY SORRY. some stuff i'm currently loving:

tierra whack's new album whack world. super funky, smart, heartfelt, she's the weirdest in the game & we are all better for it

BRAT ERA BABEY aka charli xcx's new singles. my favorite is club classics atm but B2b & von dutch (& the remix w/ addison rae) are summer bops. can't wait to be drunk on the beach listening to them

constantly going back to ethel cain's preacher's daughter, especially when i'm in nature w/ char. it's one of my favorite albums of all time; so fucking beautiful. hymns.

as the world's no1 bangerz apologist, & bc of jojo siwa being absolutely delulu & kind of iconic lately, i've been returning to 2013 miley for a laugh, & bc that album is so good. feels rly sad now? idk. her cover of jolene ate so hard no one will ever come close, sry

random but a cover of breezeblocks by taylor rae

honestly also whatever i loved II MOST WANTED lmao. it's gay. the only reason ppl are saying it's not is bc beyonce is on the track. it's gay i will die on this hill

lastly listening to a lot of lonnie holley

[woodsteingirl]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM u know what it’s ur bday in my timezone so it’s canon. ur fashion sense is AMAZING u work so well w colors and shades of pink u pair them so chefs kiss and ur a v talented writer beautiful world is SO delicious to consume the pacing is so fun the prose is yummy yummy in my tummy i rly love what u did with toly in particular i hate that guy but i’m so obsessed with how u write him (he should blow up forever) anyway i hope u have the best day ANS I HOPE U HAVE THE BEST YEAR u deserve the best things forever! 🥳🩷🥹🥰

ouaghhhhhh maya you are literally so so sweet….. thank you sooooooo much eek…… my understanding of the color wheel is secretly nonexistent i just do whatever looks good to me… and thank you sooooooo much i feel like the quality has been sort of stagnant right now because i’ve been super busy and sort of going crazy with traveling and stuff but thank you so much eek…. i appreciate the compliment about how i write anatoly honestly at times it seems like i make him too unlikable that it makes him seem like. everyone hates him. but what ever he’s my guy i made him like this so it’s fine… i think he improves in the later chapters but i don’t know.. i’m working on it!!!!!!! thank you soooooo much again eek………. ❤️💘💖❣️💕

[cody-apexart]

Day 10

So i talked to my therapist and another Vietnamese person at the cultural meet up a couple days ago about the abortion horror movie-- they havn't seen it, but it sounds like its less about the topic of abortion and more about the Vietnamese culture and different religious view points around death, killing things, and karma. interesting ! anyway, I cried in therapy and then bought myself some yanyans and soju on the walk home. so fun to get a lil treat! like i felt good when i left, did some good thought exercises, or visualization therapy, whatever you wanna call it, but as i walked through the privately owned waterfront development that I had watched the sunset in the night before, back across the bridge to my side of the canal I was rly like 'holy shit fuck this world.' In NY i work in the building associated with Domino Park in Williamsburg, part of my salary is funded directly by the developers. This is a job I wouldn't be able to have in my own neighborhood, because if i was taking payment from the developers causing displacement in my own neighborhood, i think a lot of the people i advocate and organize with would stop fucking with me or taking me seriously. I feel pretty bad about it, like why is it okay I work a job in Williamsburg, where i dont live, that I would never work in my hometown of Flushing? That is to say that making me go to therapy in the private waterfront mega development is like a cruel joke. like, the first thing i clocked when I came here was these six huge towers on the other side of the canal, and now u send me to cry about my feelings there?? maybe i'm a little too sensitive to the impacts of luxury waterfront development, because as you may be able to tell, advocacy around displacement and waterfront development actually consumes all my free time. also btw, the therapist confirmed the waterfront access is privately owned, as I assumed. Every time i cross over the canal it takes all my energy to not climb down this ladder under the bridge. I need to keep reminding myself i am a stranger in a strange land and should probs not trespass. but if i were in my own neighborhood, i wouldn't think twice.

the motorbike food tour tonight was fun. in my art practice i give a lot of tours, but always forget i'm a tour guide, until i tell someone about what I do and they're like "so you're a tour guide?" Me and my student tour guide vibed about the pains of touring people around. it was a fun experience, and funny to see how him and his other tour guide co-workers kinda just circle around each other with diff tourists throughout the evening-- all the tours start at the same time and go to the same places. he said they go to the same places every night, he's been eating the same food with tourist 3-4 times a week every week for 3 months since hes had this job. if i were a local i would probably find this method of touring incredibly annoying. He took me to the Thích Quảng Đức statue commemorating the monk that burned alive in the street advocating for religious freedom. He noted that the photos of the event that were distributed globally in the 1960's edit out the gas canister because it makes it look more profound and like he acted alone. You can see the bad 1960's photoshop blur in the left side of the image under the car tier. super interesting note on propaganda. Im glad I didn't come here without a guide, i would not have known that. I asked if this act of protest was effective, and if it worked to get what the Buddhist community wanted-- he said it got global eyes on the issue due to the distribution of the images. I mentioned to him that an american guy burned himself alive on the supreme court steps because of climate change last year, he was very surprised that there was basically no media coverage of that and he had not heard about it.

The tour groups kept circling around one another when we arrived at a public housing complex. we were basically walking through the projects taking photos, like honestly not a nice thing to be making a spectacle out of the people living in public housing projects. all these tour groups climbed 2-3 flights of stairs and walk around these peoples front doors, it happens every night. super obnoxious tbh. perhaps regrettably, I couldn't help but snap some pics, the lanterns were still up from the tet holiday, and the lighting was just right. These types of developments are what the book im reading is about, titled "building socialism: the afterlife of east german architecture in urban vietnam". I shared a photo of the cover before, these buildings look almost identical.

He pointed out the water tower and then we left.

[mcl38]

maybe that's it. i don't view him as like the paddock sweetheart or whatever, but i also think the spawn of satan accusations are a little much? he's somewhere in the middle for me. he's just a guy idk.

maybe it's also because i view sympathygate as just a normal part of competitive, professional sports? the people still offended over that could probably never follow another competitive sport because like, that's MILD in comparison to the shit athletes would get in other sports for underperforming, but i guess it was too much spice for f1 😕 somebody call geri, there's a new spice girl in f1.

idk i am hoping he gets SO much worse. if he's going to get hated for breathing anyway, he should go a little (a lot) rabid sometimes. girlboss, gatekeep, spicegirl. ✨️

anon i am kissing u on the mouth u have huge braincells. literally giggled out loud at "i am hoping he gets SO much worse" ur SO CORRECT. but no ur right, he rly is at neither extreme, just some guy syndrome real strong in him, and the way fans treat him often seems batshit to me

i think especially sympathygate i was shocked at the reaction of the fans. u had the staniels attacking him, which they were bound to do bc he just said smth kinda shitty abt their fav driver. fair enough. but then the lando fans?? convinced themselves?? that the article isnt real??? meanwhile im sitting there being like nope this definitely sounds like lando but WHY are we deeping it.

so i rly do think one of the big issues is like. being so far up the ass of like, not real lando but a fictionalised sanitised version of him, that when the real (bitchy, sulky, competitive, sarcastic) lando peeks through you believe it to be an attack on this fake wax figure lando you've created in your head. i think its a bigger symptom of stan culture and the way f1 evolves as a piece of media to be consumed, but for some reason the way lando conveys himself online makes him especially vulnerable to this kind of thing

[meatball-soup]

//personal rant!!! 👍okok ty

man i have been feeling absolutely terrible lately i guess its(tm) back and i just feel nothing lol

no appetite no drive for anything not even to consume medias or entertainments?? and i have lost whatever fixations i have in the past.. i still love them but they make me feel nothing at the moment and it feels empty and horrible :/ cant even cook properly too!! its one thing i do to make something to comfort myself and for some reason its all awful now idk whats wrong lol im feeling sad abt it aha

long story short im currently taking a break from spending time with my family for a while bcos of reasons and im hoping i can get my brain to work like they used to??? bcos these past months feels as if i died and all these time im stuck in the purgatory lolol

currently im just diving head first to consuming new medias and interests thats giving me any spark of serotonin or dopamine to feel somthing hahah 💀 idk it doesnt rly hit the spot and i keep feeling uneasy?(?) thats not the word but i cant think what it is? but it helps keeping my mind occupied to a degree so!!! 😔?? man im feeling 20 diffrent emotions and none at the same time its wild lol

anyways!!! have a good day mwah

[onehunnit]

June Comebacks/Debuts that I Caught!*

*in no particular order, non-exhaustive, and all songs were released between June 1st and June 30th. 🎶 means it was playlisted!

🎶 Give Me That by WayV: my bad wayV i was unfamiliar with your game. and your game is fire. I wwnt back and consumed their discography so quickly..... now xiaojun 😁

🎶BADVILLIAN by BADVILLIAN: i think this was a bit underwhelming for their debut however i do like the dance focus they have as a group. but after getting +82 and Hurricane as pre-debut releases... yeah. but i'm excited to see where they go next! <- idk what the fuck i was on ive been bumping this like no ones business 💀

hey! hey! by TWS: this is so coming of age music fuck hybe but they know how to create a nostalgic ass song

Shooting Star by Kep1er: this is such a good fucking song and it made me emotional tbh, when the instrumental cuts out and there is just those tight ass harmonies ohhhh they ATE

🎶 Hero by AKMU: bossa nova ass song you fucking get me. i love this tune so fucking much ahhhh

🎶CoinciDestiny by Weki Meki: FUCKKKK FANTIAGO YOU USELESS SHITS! weme girls, you have never given less than your best and thats why i love you all dearly. coincidestiny is so bittersweet it gave me tummy aches for DAYS. i sobbed. I DID! like fuckkkk. Anyways, onto the song, this was a very beautiful song and the sentimental value does tip it over into one of my favorites this year.

ZOMBIE by EVERGLOW: I really did not think thta I would love the chorus as much as I do, i do reaoyy love the horror/creepy concept in this song

🎶 ABCD by NAYEON: when this first came out i thought y'all were joking about nayeonce.... the second half of the chorus is definitely the song strongest part (as it shoudl its a fucking banger)

RIGHT NOW by NewJeans: i do love a little bossa nova inspired joint, and it keeps the easy listening theme even through the drum n bass njs is known for

🎶POM POM by woo!ah!: allergic to making bad songs.... POM POM IM CHEERING ME ON IF NO ONES ROOTING FOR MW THERE IS AT LEAST ONE

Badder Love by EVNNE: this. feels like a song i've heard befreo, but i do really love the chorus. it feels like its supposed to be an eighties synthy song but they're holding the synths back from me. GIVE ME THE SYNTHS !

🎶 Boom Boom Bass by RIIZE: disco i could CRY! bass driven songs are so pleasing and this one did not dissapoint. an aside: i do feel like bbb is a natural sequel to impossibel considering house music couldnt have happened without the funk/disco scene so it feels lihe they're going back in time and its a rly nice touch.

Let it Burn by H1-KEY: pop rock is alive and WELL!!!! this song is just really enjoyable idk what else to say about it

🎶Cosmic by Red Velvet: someone needs to blow up the sm building. preferably one of the rv girls bc right now they deserve it the most. BUT THE SCALE UR JOKINGGGG (idk what scale it is) red velvet is allergic to bad songs jesus christ....

🎶 Rockstar by LISA: call it repetitive call it boring whatever. THIS BANGS! The production and sampling make it such a fun song and easy to dance to it was love at first listen

Pretty Mob by CSR: this is a cute song

🎶Tounge-Tied by KEY: The promo for this song was 10/10 i was obsessed. The song itself its actually a good example of an anti drop that fucking WORKS its a lost art fr.

🎶Sticky by Kiss Of Life: This is such a good summer song and the MV was so beautifully edited like FAWK. "how long til we fall in love?" NOW ⁉️

[maeborowski]

@catball sure! or well i can try anyways, but fair warning im by no means an intellectual wrt art history or even furry culture rly so take this more as me thinking out loud lol

i suppose its similar to any genre/movement/aesthetic/whatever thats prefixed with a "post-," in that it retains the characteristic qualities of the niche it spawns from, while ditching the limitations of the recognizable convention. of course, which traits are deemed "characteristic" and which ones are "limitations" is a completely subjective distinction, but ill try to explain what some examples look like to me the first time i heard the term referenced was in this post by scribblechicken, which i came across after seeing this post by the same artist. warning for slight nsfw i suppose. at a glance, its a silly gag recontextualizing something horny into a practical inconvenience, but i also find it interesting that the gag here, can really only be made within the context of the greater convention within furry art. a sexy anthropomorphized airplane, is an absurd subject, yet one thats become commonplace as a "furry" concept. in a piece like this, the absurdity isnt in the subject itself, but the recognizably of it, the fact that it is an icon to be familiar with. i feel the typical furry perspective on the subject could be described as "an admiration for form," to whichever end that serves, but this imo shifts that lens, into an absurdist one, a loving recognition of familiarity to the unfamiliar

another artist id put in this category, at least at times, is unibrawn, particularly thinking about this work. there is a furry character present, but they're buried in abstract expressionism, almost to the point of having to search to find them. this is far from the "traditional" structure of furry art, to place the character in some way that the viewer is immediately drawn to them. yet still, i find it a celebration of furry design, as my eyes are drawn most strongly to the expression, a "cartoony" face being the lighthouse in a sea of texture.

one last example is qsfocus / qs75834 on twitter, particularly this piece. a complete inversion of the positive/negative space of a standard furry pic. in fact, there is no "star" of this pic, no likeness to view. the swirlings of tail and paw serve to suggest and imply a furry setting, yet all remain hidden within each other. the setting carries the familiarity, but the piece leaves you feeling its loneliness, with only glimpses in your periphery.

now, i dont wanna put words in mouths. i really have no idea if these readings are correct whatsoever, or even if these artists identify with "furry" "postfurry" labels beyond whats stated. but i cant deny a certain aesthetic intuition i get for these types of pictures, that goes beyond just an "esoteric art style" or whatever, i see a difference in intention! (and, notably, i see antithesis of that in other particular pieces by the same artists, that feel more overtly "furry"). at the end of the day its a new label ive only seen some people toss around, maybe its the beginnings of a niche recognition, maybe it blows over. maybe

what i found interesting in the context of my original post, was how, trying to find meaning in the concept of "post-furry" made me reevaluate how i view, furry. it was never smth i really saw as an "art movement" in and of itself, but it feels hard to deny when i consider it. there seems to be a cohesive framework of particular types of visages, and how they're consumed. and this differs from simply having animal features in an art piece, jokes aside, we can tell the difference between a modern furry pic and just an anthropomorphic animal in art. and these conventions are interesting! the way things like anthro planes, pooltoys, open species, niche kink, or even just particular art styles become sorta become "canonized" as icons is neat. the way that the art is seemingly presented to be consumed, gazed at for its model. to illicit certain feelings! and to take these icons, these feelings, these conventions, and stick them into other environments, or to see how they fare without their typical substance, is so cool! to branch them out from one niche community that has grown to recognize them as normality, and carry that normality into broader artistic recognition feels like something that warrants the donning of "post-furry"

post-furry is actually an incredibly interesting thing to think about from an art movement perspective

[thav]

11/13/2022 - Update

hiiiiii

i havent been on here in a min so i decided to do a little check in / update on where i’m at 

currently, i’m vaguely sick because i’ve been going out this entire week which was really fun but ultimately comes at a cost, i went to Rhein haus for the first time and it was cool i guess. i drank a rainier per usual

i was out with new friends again yesterday and it was fun, i love the imagery of house parties, and even just being a young adult in seattle, it’s always been something i’ve been inspired by since i was a little kid. i feel like when i first got there i really wanted to leave but i had a few shots and it was fun... i’m still unpacking what that means LOL never want to be too hypothetical/deep but my relation with my vices is interesting and wavering and i’m constantly learning about it each time i go out loll especially since my best friend has been sober for over like 100 days or something?

sometimes when im at work i really hate my job and know that i should and could be doing so much more.. but honestly i feel like everything beyond my life would feel very... baseless? and a waste if i don’t go through this slow season right now. i go to work a lot and get glimpses of what i know my life is going to be and how my art will be received one day and i genuinely get really happy i start tearing up.  i’ve spent a lot of years dimming my own light and feeling like i never deserved to even create a platform for means of celebration for myself... knowing how much i deserve this now it makes me 10x more hungry to keep hustling and keep refining my craft, and expanding on that

i met this girl who i’ll name Kayla who’s probably never gonna read this, but if you do im sorry lol (but not really bc you were lowkey mean when i first met you) but i remember walking into this guys apartment with her (i met her 10 mins before at my other friends apartment) and I feel like i already didn’t really connect with her because we had the dreaded conversation of being two people in their early twenties in proximity to the University of Washington-- are you at UW, what’s your major, etc etc. i have no problem telling people i actually dropped out of college to fully pursue my music career, but i never really go out of my way to say it and in fact i usually try to defer from even having that conversation to begin with. but anyway, after some prying i told her about my artist project and she seemed really dismissive and didn’t care.. and i brushed it off because i expect that from people that aren’t versed in this world-- i understand that not everyone cares about it so it’s whatever. so after this i’m like still trying to make conversation because we’re all just waiting for our friend to finish making our cocktails. and she goes, “oh, you’re trying to have a conversation! i’m really really good at small talk, like i do this for work all the time”

it’s funny because i feel like i’m somehow used to people diminishing me or making me feel small, but i feel like it says way more about Kayla than me as to the basis or assumption she made of my character just because i didn’t work some job in consulting/accounting as her like most of the people at that party (they were all rly nice tho) 

but the thing that gets me the most is that i know i’m super intuitive/emotionally intelligent and i express that through my art, and when we started drinking more, and Kayla was feeling more chatty, she started talking to me about her parents and her feelings towards that, and i feel like she appreciated me for listening

i empathize because i do not have the best relationship with my parents but this was just an example of how funny it is to me how small scale non creative people make art seem, when in reality you consume art all the time and you dont even know it... not trying to label a conversation or a trusting moment as art but.. it is and is relative to the way people see the world and why they make art to begin with

felt like she slapped me, then cried, then said thank you 

i dont take it too personally though just because ive been dealing with this for so long.. but to anyone out there who is in the beginning stages of their artist project like me... people are gonna misinterpret you on purpose, they’re not gonna fully see your own vision... but your whole life is never gonna be about trying to make them believe in you. i always felt like thats what it would be like and i honestly think that's why it took me so long to fully dive into my artist project. but now that i’ve let all that shit go, i’m honestly just really dedicated to showcasing my thoughts and emotions the most coherent and honest way i can. i feel like, i was born into a world without a choice, and am “forced” to live this life, so i really just want to be able to document it fully. i’ll leave you with one of my favorite mantras: 

“we are all the universe witnessing itself from one perspective”

 love love love love love you

Thavoron

[snekdood]

i say i hate humans but i actually care about humans a lot, which is kinda why i say it, because im extremely frustrated with how humans are/where humanity is at right now when I know we can do better.