#not putting this one on my art blog bc it was so quick i don’t think it counts for that blog

[habunshu]

small wukong draw over whilst i wither away at uni

[dairy-farmer]

Was thinking about what would happens if an author on Ao3 I loved died and their subscribed readers never knew why they stopped uploading. I mean it happens all the time for various reasons not just on Ao3 either. People grown out of interests. Life gets in the way or something as simple as getting locked out of an account.

There was that Stan ((maybe a swifty or Arianna fan on twitter maybe?!)) account that went to prison and posted to say they wouldn’t be active for a while a few years ago and everyone was joking about it. Or another example; that famous screenshot of a blog saying ‘ sorry I haven’t been posting I got diagnosed with bpd and I take meds now and I don’t like BTS anymore’ or something like that.

I just think it’s hilarious and Ao3 authors are kinda knows for being comically unbotherd. Like ‘sorry I didn’t upload this week, my house burnt down’. Or something that crazy. I know it’s a running joke but think it a great prompt for identify porn.

Like Tim as a huge Batman and robin fan with unsupervised internet access definitely had read and subscribed to all kinds or ao3 content. Maybe one of his fav Batman authors stops updating there ongoing fic randomly dispite having weekly uploads. Turns out the updates stopped the week Jason Todd died. Tim never figured it out or maybe he does or just has a hunch about it. No wonder he likes the writer so much they always had such an accurate depiction of the Batman and his dynamics with others. Tim liked that this author wrote Crackfics that put Batman in the stupidest situations, or wrote the most heartbreaking sentimental masterpiece about love and found family and robin and Batman’s dynamic 😍🥰😩

Either way I bet Jason never touched our thought about it again after comping back to life pretty much blocking it from his brain and pretending it never happened.

Tim on the other hand though about their work years and years later even after becoming robin would go back to that authors page and wonder what happened :(

//

Or later in life Tim being a writer/blogger/art account* with a big following and being alarmingliy honest when he updates his like;

‘sorry this is late :( got kidnapped again’

‘Not going to post next week bc I think someone is planning on bombing my school”

‘Update early today because I won’t be in a good mood later because I have to fire some people in a meeting this afternoon. Yes I’m a CEO’

‘Sorry ending this story because I’m depressed again bc my dad died. #officiallyanorphan’

‘Quick one shot that came to me in a fever dream while I was recovering from a stab wound’

*((obviously in the hero fandom, who are we kidding)the weirder and more obscure the better like he likes to draw Condiment King making out with different JL members. And exclusive writes batcest))

People LOVE his stuff and he gains fans anda reputation for posting very accurate and high quality stuff. People make fan pages and discussion his posts and works. His occult following notice he has a tendency to accurately predict things like Bane bomings and Arkham breakouts. They know he’s obviously a Gothomite and people like that they don’t know who he is. Either way he’s a Gotham legend in his own right.

Or maybe he has several different accounts non of them linked

I just love to imagine little Timmy becoming famous/gaining notorotiry in different ways over the year for different reason without people knowing it’s all the same person

He’s a child actor/model/ comercial baby 👼- (your au)

He’s an omen to criminals, a ghost a legend. A sighing of him means Batman is close by ((little Timmy with his camera running around at night)🥷 -(another of yours I think)

He gives anonymous tips to the GPD the news and the general public about rogue attacks to keep pls safe.🕵️‍♂️

ROBIN obviously. 🦸‍♂️

He’s a twitter art account 🧑‍🎨

Maybe has a porn account too! 🥴

A tumblr conspiracy theorist 🧑‍🏫

An Ao3 author 👨‍💻

Hes also Timothy Drake COE and Gothams youngest Bachelor 🕴️

He maybe even streams with his face covered on twitch or something stupid👾

All of these different identities have a huge fan base and no one ever knows that Tim is like famous 10 time over. Then he goes looking for Bruce after his ‘death’ and all his followers from separate fan bases are like :(((( oh no he probably died in a Gotham attack!! 😫😭 bc Gotham



so i actually do have an answer for the first part of your ask! there's such a thing as a fannish next of kin on ao3! where you can choose someone and they can get access to your account after you're incapacitated or pass away!

but tim becoming famous like a million times, some of which the family knows about and some of which they don't (like when he became the poster child for no man's and they're all so wild and different only a handful of people on the internet probably put it together. im also losing it at the idea of tim being known for 'predicting' things in gotham with his fics because it reminds me of this meme:

the idea that some fic author is managing to accurately predict bad things happening in gotham BEFORE they happen 😭 tim getting kidnapped because some shitty criminal was paying too much attention to fan forums and actually ended up believing the 'this fic author can see the future'. tim absolutely beats the shit out of them before anyone notices he's gone so it doesn't get discovered why he was kidnapped because he'd never live it down.

and the baby tim as a commercial/little tv star au!!❤️❤️❤️ i love that au so much but i can't take credit for it, it was actually created by orlovbats on twitter!!!!

also the tim as an omen also isn't mine- i don't think i recognize it either but the closest thing i found was this tumblr post so i think this is what you may have been thinking of?

i LOVE the thought that time never stopped being a fanboy- he just got better at hiding it because he knew he'd be teased ❤️!

[byghostface]

//long rambling

There is a vent in the last part (about pro ship:/+ wired shipping + block list) it's naturally negative so reading at your own risk.

So in the new Batman and Robin issue #7 Nika's sister making an appearance, got me thinking of other possibilities for sibling characters to come back.

Mostly I’m thinking about Respawn since he is Joshua Williamson's own character. And He made Respawn appeared in the last issue of Robin(2021), he also brought back Mara in that run too (just some appearance in the later issue).

And now Joshua Williamson is writing Batman and Robin, so naturally he can bring some characters back in this run. He had said in an interview that he might have figured out a way(try) to bring back Maya.

Throwback to 2022 of this old wip/art I made, is about what I think the emo teens of Lazarus squad dynamic would look like.

I imagine Nika and Respaw are irritated/tolerate with each other but would stay for Damian because Nika is Damian's girlfriend and they want to stick together. Meanwhile, Damian likes to include his half-brother in some fun activities (Respawn is acting reluctant bc of his own issues but he actually likes to have friends and feel include).

I haven’t finished this art bc I was going to add more wips (with other characters like Rose and Hawke) to make it a post. I didn't finish this art back then bc I was afraid Talia fans would be mad at me for drawing Respawn.

Trust me, I hate that Talia gets associated with Deathstroke like this, but I think Respawn is a confused/mistreated teen character and Damian (bless his heart and soul) still wants to be his brother regarding the whole mess. I will explain/talk more about my thoughts on Respawn as a character and his situations once I finish these drawings and get ready to post them.

Writing/typing words is harder than drawing for me personally. Drawing is like channeling my energy into a picture and forming an atmosphere and hopefully people will understand what thoughts and feelings I was trying to convey. Writing is using more brain powers to choose the correct and cohesive words, so people would not misunderstand what I'm talking about. Especially when English is not my first language, and even so I normally don't talk(write) much in my mother tongue either…(I'm not a quick thinker, it took me a longer time to think things through, writing literally exhausted me physically and mentally more than drawing.)

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing, it's just not my first choice to convey thoughts… but considering I can't draw everything I have in my mind and it takes even longer time to finish any art, I just need to write down things first from now on. Tumblr is the only place I can think of that has this longer text feature blog post and I'm more familiar with this platform format. So I will still be here posting my fan content.

.

(↓Vent, if you want to avoid being block by me then read down below.)

I must say I will forever hate respawn x flatline as ship, cus I know who started this ship and their reasons behind it—Don’t let the new character develop naturally as the story goes, let’s put them in made-up weird situations first so I can prop up my own ship!😍 And get both of the new characters out of the way, since no one would defend them so I can fanon the hell out of them by making them look bad all around!🤞 (What if I stone you first hand🪨🪨💥)

And I will continue to dislike/against any shipping Damian's sibling to Nika. I simply don't like the unnecessary sibling conflict just for romance tropes! So go away boooo I hate you‼️ Not to mention the ignoring of different age range multi-ship hide behind poly… that's straight up proshipping I hate you even more!!👎

Also for people who said Nika should be crush on Damian's mother instead of him… I hate you twisted proshipper rotten smooth brain‼️‼️ She dating a boy her age and has mutual connections with him, why would she crush on her boyfriend's mother instead?? Just because Nika is a big fan of Talia??? So you telling me young ppl can't idolize adults normally without being labeled as romantic nowadays huh??( Not saying you can't crush on adults, but why crush on your boyfriend's mom? ) Your weird ass mind is showing with this ass hc be fr. Again, why would you imagine that? You just wanted to push a fake narrative of Nika being wired so you could have an excuse to make Talia and Damian dislike her (which is not true), but in fact is YOU are the weird one projecting your twist thoughts/hate onto Nika‼️💥🪨🪨

I will start to block ppl who are shipping/liking respawn x flatline (+proshipper) and STILL interact with me, read the room!! My art is not for you weirdos‼️Go away BOOOO💥 🪨🪨🪨💥💥

Can't believe I need to type this all out cuz some of you weirdos will still do these things and think is okay to interact with me and my post/showing in my notifications BOOO👎🪨🪨💥🪳🪳🪳🩴🩴🩴

(sorry for venting about random weirdos/Nika haters again, and thanks for reading.)

[zumicho]

💞 but really I just want to know what you think of ur mutuals ^^

anon. look what u made me do.

ask game

💞 : @ your favorite blog

if you weren’t on this list know I love you !! I just have bad memory <3 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER !!

@causenessus was the first mutual on this blog I actually talked to / interacted with and her tags for white denim overalls really solidified the fact that I wanted to be part of this community <3 ily ness !!!! anon you didn’t ask but I’m going to list my favorite works from these people too lol

new grounds I think about every 4 business days, and how they comfort you (I’m definitely biased) is so well written and heartfelt !!

@mitskicain is cheating in this thread bc she’s my irl but also quite literally my favorite person alive even tho she NEVER REPLIES WITHIN THE SAME DAY (stuck up, I know) — and if ur into ken sato she’s a great pick !! she has some haikyuu works coming soon too <3

@mollyrolls . the barney to my ted. i love her so bad u guys have no idea I miss her whenever she’s not on here n I’m so grateful they exist </3 molly if u see this u didn’t read that. i hate you i hate you i hate you I hate you hey cupid! is my favorite rendition? version? take..?? on iwa on this app (I’ve said that already) & all shades of blue is criminally underrated

I CAN TELL THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INSANELY LONG POST IM SO SORRY 💔💔💔💔💔

@nectardaddy is an incredible writer and person all around I still can’t fathom that they’re in my dms. dodger u are insane and i love u

88 ford is a well known obsession of mine !! if dodger is the president of the ‘GET UP’ / down bad club consider me the vice president. OH AND IM SO EXCITED FOR I HATE YOUR GUTS

@sweetfushi , the akaashi to my bokuto — sweetest person ever, is one of my only jjk moots and put me onto the show itself 😭🤍 I can’t pick a specific favorite but the way she writes nanami is perfect to me !!! there’s also mha and haikyuu on her page go take a look <3

@kuroppiii RO. THE PATRICK TO MY ART. my favorite film freak on this app. they have a challengers inspired miya twins fic that takes up 90% of the space in my brain. if u don’t go read right NOWWW I’m coming for u and ur family

@sandwhitches IS SOOO FUCKING UNDERRATED her smau dedication is everything. PLUS MY TWIN FLAME HELLO I LOVE U MITCH !!! ur humor is top tier and I’ve never clicked with anyone as quick as I have with you ugh — read on sight or it’s on sight 💥👊

@guitarstringed-scars I haven’t interacted with u as much as I’d wish to but MO UR SO COOL !!! ur movie taste is everything to me and raven’s eye diner is such a creative piece of work and so so fun to read ,, I have to sit down and grab a snack whenever I do

@cr4yolaas is legendary for making mezzo forte I owe u my life rye. I’m so serious rn I was hooked from blue spring (which I still haven’t finished bc i don’t want it to end rip) and I’ll be staying a fan forever!! ur blog is a blessing to this community

@/yenonoff is on a hiatus and I don’t want to bother her but she’s a great rec if u like haikyuu AND eye candy when u read. her blog is just so nice to look at and i miss her terribly

not being on this does NOT mean I don’t like u pleaaaase know I love all of my mutuals dearly n cherish every interaction I have with u all

[wackyscreamswithraisin]

Indefinite Hiatus and Clearing the air BIG TW ON //PERSONAL

Before I say anything this is the fanfic summary: It’s/ it was revolving around Raisin and Malcom (and Hamilton) from the Smart Talk With Raisin short, somehow stealing a meta cartoon remote from the, inaccessible to them; Cartoon Network ‘toonworld’ (like when you see the characters crossover in CN bumpers). They’d watch Courage the Cowardly Dog on their tv in their room like a comfort, but with the remote they start meddling with the character’s awareness of meta for entertainment - and when Barbara accidentally fuses with a glitched artefact, she is unable to be reverted to normal and she breaks the constructs of her own minor characterdom to try and track them down. The fic idea has changed a lot over the years but that’s what it (currently) has changed to. It’s rather Pibby adjacent and would focus on a lot of what’s changed about cartoons between every half decade - yeah it’s very complicated and over the top lol.

I know y’all are sick of me making these long ass walls of texts instead of proper content and I’m really sorry I keep pulling this 💀. I was going to make a nicer pinned posts] of explanation but since this blog is in a confusing place at the moment I just decided to do it quick instead so I don’t put it off.

For those who don’t want to read the full thing: TLDR,

1. I have personal attachment to Fred that has probably affected my judgement

2. My thoughts on Fred as schizophrenic rep is certainly not universal and the partial embarrassment about writing content revolving around him continues to catch up with me

3. The related problems below are reason why I have been so adverse to seeing Fred as being a r-pist m—-ster or SA’er

And 4. I’m starting to accept that it’s not that deep if my fanfic never gets told. Even if it would make me happy, it’s not the end of my work or me if I don’t. Nevertheless I hope you all understand and I’m sorry for any disappointment.

On the personal issue: First, bc some might not know, I am mentally ill and have had a vague diagnosis of psychosis for years that was never fully decided and that I understand now and abridge as ‘schizopsec’, but follows all the traits of OSDD 1B, enough that I tend to use both terms. ‘Fred’ is one of my alters - he’s my main ISH (internal self helper), caretaker, and fictive (fictional introject), and he has been for around 10 years. This is not a joke. This is as cringe as it sounds, even worse in real life when he fronts of course, and is embarrassing for me to admit even when I attach this post to my main blog where I share schizospec upliftment posts. It’s a complicated and excruciating subject matter for many many reasons, and it’s important that I clarify this, even though it’s uncomfortable for me, since this naturally affects my ability of separating Fred the alter from Freaky Fred in my writing and art. This is part of why I have to keep scrutinising my writing drafts. I believe I can keep them separate, but this is part of the reason why I guess my attachment for him and making content to do with him is there at all.

My thoughts on Freaky Fred in episode : As a schizospec, putting the alter aside, schizophrenic representation means the world and the moon and the stars to me, even when it’s bad. I can’t tell if this is an agreeable opinion amongst other schizospec/ psychotic people, but even damaging and dangerous rep involving homicidality like the axe crazy maniacs have something of catharsis in their rises and falls that I can appreciate, depending. Sexually depraved and violent rep however, crosses a line; obviously schizo killers in fiction are heavily drenched in misinformed stigma and is mostly bullshit and can be dangerous- we are dramatically far more likely to hurt ourselves or be hurt - but I think most people would agree that sexual violence is a different evil altogether, and I cannot stand to see the marginalised mentally ill conflated with such horrendous shit.

There’s the problem. I think Fred is a schizophrenic; other than him getting the equivalent to straightjacketed at the end and taken to presumably some asylum or how he narrates/ talks/rhymes in his own head and otherwise barely talks just disjointedly - he’s got that classic 90s-00s cartoon crazy grin and is instilling fear in the viewer through said unbalancedness,his whole deal is very ‘of its time’ on displaying scary madness. And, all that being said, even though he’s clearly not good rep by any stretch of the imagination, he doesn’t harm anyone - he’s even ‘nice’ - or at least doesn’t seem to be blatantly malicious. The bar is on the floor, but that’s already better than idk William Afton or something.

Fred as a predator: The point of view of Fred as a metaphorical molester is pretty obvious and is a popular opinion, and it would be dishonest to say I don’t completely see it, especially with how he says naughty - the implication steers more into the sexual predator area. Hair shaving isn’t violent as much as taking something away - subtracting, and this can be interpreted in a murderous or SA fashion, but the murderous interpretation I stick with, one akin to Sweeney Todd, is a very flattering view of it and I know it. It’s easy to see how it comes off fetishistic which favours an SA view and is naturally the reason why a lot of people see it as rapey.

The episode as a metaphor for SA or CSA enabled in a household that turns the other way is popular, and at first I didn’t like this theory because it felt like a dark theory made almost to tarnish child content with a deeper or darker meaning, which I had seen a lot elsewhere. But this wasn’t really honest; ‘The Mask’ works well as an episode with no subtext but is respected moreso as an episode clearly about domestic abuse and misandry born from trauma. ‘Freaky Fred’ can also be this.

I think the well and honest truth for me is, even when I do everything I can to touch grass, and remove my personal connection to the character/ the idea of him through the alter, away from the conversation; I really don’t want Fred to be a schizophrenic and a sexual predator character at the same time, and I cannot remove my view of him as the first one, but I have to admit that, in some ways, both was intended for him and this episode in some variation. It’s pretty upsetting to think about; I know a majority audience isn’t going to be that invested in the representation of mad people, especially not in cartoon antagonists, but it matters a lot to me. Obviously it would still be bad if he wasn’t a crazy character and it would still be scary and awful if he acted more ‘normal’, but that craziness is there and the combination feels particularly wretched because, once again, schizophrenics are far more likely to be victimised.

What I’m trying to say with all this; Fred is a mad character who despite being the most offputting and scary character I’ve ever seen in my life, managed to become irremovable from my psyche for almost my whole life, for better and for worse, and in some small way, seeing him as so scary and uncomfortable, but equally ‘good-willed’ and harmless by technicality in that episode, made me feel a little less alone. But people who have been yucked out by this blog and this fixation as I said before are fully in their right, and I am taking a step back to consider if I want to continue with making stuff to do with Fred or not.

The fanfic?: I still think about the story a lot but as you can probably tell I’ve made it very convoluted by involving a meta narrative, and as I’m just about to head into university by the time I’m writing this, it’s difficult to tell what will come of this. I will let you all know, but it’s in a continuous grey area and I don’t want anyone to get their hopes up. I’m sorry.

Will I still post art?: Maybe haha, I never know how to feel when I post it. Sometimes I worry it gives off the impression that I ship post-shaving incident Barbred (I don’t) or that I endorse Fred’s ‘freakiness’ at all. And sometimes I think it just looks bad, as in not a good recreation of the ctcd art style, or too sad - like idk why I think the audience is just going to understand these alarmingly emotional pieces when I’ve been pretty scarce on context, I apologise for everyone’s who’s gotten tonal whiplash scrolling. Fred art may come up elsewhere on my other blog which I will reblog here if I think it’s appropriate.

If you read all the way thank you so much💚, I hope you get what I’m saying, and if you don’t I understand. Consider following my main zebedeezing if you want somewhere I post more often though non ctcd related.

[terraliensvent]

I agree abt the white knighting. u and some anons r quick to criticize the language ppl in terras use but when asked to introspect abt it urself, u refuse cause it’s ur blog ur opinion ur rules. that’s hypocrisy to me. i aint burying my head in the sand like u say, this is a genuine criticism and if u r gonna ignore it then I think that’s petty. all ur being asked is to look back and try to understand where anons r coming from, u call some ppl white knights and meat riders for bringing up valid concerns even if they also agree terras r bad. U don’t just do it on posts where ppl actually are white knighting.

alright lets dissect every recent post i have called whiteknighting

Post 1

“Oh yeah. A villain bc they revoked the right to THEIR OWN WORK... Whatever shall the world do? However shall we survive the fact coy didn't want them using THEIR WORK after going back on a deal”

hey look speaking of whiteknights

youre missing the forest for the trees here, terra staff was completely willing to remove coys assets but they wanted to act like a toddler stomping their foot shouting “NOW NOW NOW” that they broke in to the site and vandalized it. but sure, your immature petty pos idol can do no wrong

what about this is ignoring?

their argument: “coy is not a villain for wanting their art taken down”

my argument: “nobody said that, cal was perfectly fine taking the artwork down, they just said they cant do it in a heartbeat. coy is in the wrong for breaking in to the site and doing it themself with no consideration for how it will affect the species.”

Post 2

“It's so funny how obsessed y'all are with coy and civ... Get over it bro”

wow its almost like… their actions have a direct consequence on the species…whoooaa

Their argument: “why do you guys care about this”

my argument: “because people have put time and effort into this species, cal and his new team are trying to pick up the pieces and have gone a lot further than ever before with coy and civ at the head. coy being a dipshit has a direct affect on how the species will operate, specifically in this situation by taking away all the old pet species which people may have cared about and wanted to make characters out of.”

Post 3

“You mean.... The site THEY MADE? oh noo, how dare they remove their art from the site them and their partner made... Boohoo.... Boo boohoo.... Stan petty Coy”

come in my inbox again with these room temperature iq takes and im blocking you. they barely did shit for the species and you know that, and coy themself admitted they never had anything to do with the site they just wanted to make their dumbass plain white dog adopts to rake in cash while doing no extra work to put the pieces together

repeating: cal and staff were PERFECTLY FINE taking off all of civ and coys assets, however you cant fucking do that with the snap of a finger. i know this must be incredibly difficult for you coy supporters out there but lets TRY to use our brains for a min

their argument: (ignores my counterpoint from Post 1) well THEY made the site initially. i dont care im still gonna stan coy.”

my argument: “oh ok cool, i can see you are not actually willing to engage with the argument and just want to be inflammatory, and i dont feel like dealing with you if you arent going to use critical thinking. (reiterating my point from post 1)

for this post in particular, i would also like to add that in the transferring of species ownership, there are cetrain things that can be assumed to change ownership along with the transfer. (this is not the first time a species has ever been transferred in ownership). for one, the site. obviously thats needed for species functions so it now belongs to cal. another is NPCs, other species when transferred will give the NPCs to relevant staff because they are an integral part of species function. in this specific instance, the pets, since they were never a part of the original agreement they are assumed to move ownership as well. coy can make the argument they want their art taken down, thats perfectly fine, they could even say they want their designs taken down, but again, the problem is that this is not something that can just be done at the drop of a hat. you need to find replacements and create new assets. breaking in to the site and vandalizing it because you wanted to be a bitch baby and have no patience is immature and wrong. the site has changed ownership. you do not have agency over it anymore, you dont get to go in and delete things without asking.

lets compare this to an oc you trade on toyhouse. lets say you own this OC for a year, and you have drawn a good amount of art for it. then you trade it away, boop, gone, not yours anymore. lets say later on you dont want your art featured on that OC’s page. problem is, that art you drew is embedded within the character’s profile code. you have the full right to delete the art, but you cant just break into the OC’s profile code and fuck around with it yourself. you have to ask the new owner to take it down, and they say of course, but youll have to be patient so they can redraw a new asset for the code.

granted, this example falls short in some ways, but you get what im trying to say

anyways, the point is that if youre going to refuse to engage with the argument then im not going to engage with you. i truly do not understand why you guys are ride or die-ing for these shitty posts that have absolutely no substance

[straycalamities]

Do you have any suggestions for someone new who wants to join camp weehawken or truffula flu? I wanted to create some Onceler to join the rps, but every idea I have has been done already

you don’t have to create a onceler to join either of those! there’s plenty of ocs (deloraxed or not) that are in both of them :3

but if you rly wanna do a onceler, i think it’s okay if your gimmick matches an existing onceler, especially if the blog is no longer active. like how many oncelers themed around being monsters or curses do u think exist?? so many. countless, but they're all kewl bc what matters is how you approach the character and give it your own twist! unless it’s something super specific, i don’t think anyone would mind if another idk retail onceler existed for example (thinking of retail bc i’m at work rn abloo bloo)

if this is your first time joining, i'd definitely try to pick something you're passionate about as a theme or set of personality traits! it'll keep you going and strong at the start of it all before the ball officially gets rolling.

also idk if you plan to do art or not but dont be discouraged if you dont! or if you dont think your art "is good enough"!!! some of the biggest oncelers in the fandom (swag and gent are the immediate first to come to mind) had mods who didnt draw for their posts and they still were well received! what matters is how much the concept means to YOU and how much passion you put into it. and ultimately: what matters most is if you have fun with it! :3

so like if something isnt' fun anymore. change it! or dump it and start over! it's okay!

and if you do draw, just..draw...like idk maybe its just a me thing, but i sabotage myself hard if i focus too much on my askblog/rp art being like...good lmao. i just get it out there. what matters is im enhancing the scene/perspective/emotions of what im doing and adding to it so it can be as quick as a doodle, or something fully rendered that took me hours, what matters is that i dont get too hung up on how "good" it is and if it IS something that takes longer, that it's not making me miserable to work on it. if it is? fuck it, we doodle.

also, put yourself out there! approach people with ideas or whathaveyou. test the waters to see where the chemistry lies and if those characters' mods would wanna plot w you! or even just do one-shots to see have some fun/see where things go. the worst favor u can do urself is to sit there and like...stew in fomo and let shyness/fear/whatever hold you back. and if you dont have ideas or dont get any hits back, focus on your own plot for awhile, let ppl see your character in action, it might spur some inspo

idk if that stuff was what u were looking for but its stuff i generally recommend to anyone wanting to start rping and/or askblogging in the fandom (and everyone reading this totally should if u dont already)

[callsignfangs]

Any basic Farah Headcannons you got?

Also, do you ship her with Alex? (Just curious, no prejudice on ur opinion OP)

Tysmm anon I love getting to rant abt my girl 😚😚

Honestly, I think faralex is pretty cute :] I don’t really go outta my way to ship it bc I feel like Farah deserves more attention just as a character outside of ships, but I def love seeing the cute art and fics of them!! (Daily alex keller is where i get like 99% of my faralex, alex and gazalex fix. We love daily ak in this blog. /lh)

Now for farah hcs 😇

• 100% overprotective of people she loves. She knows better than to actually physically fight someone, but, depending on how bad the situation was, she knows how to absolutely destroy someone socially and never get caught. Like, you pick on one of her brothers/sisters and suddenly the next day everyone thinks you cheated on your husband and egged someones house.

• Def does art. Not necessarily like stylised portraits or anything, just tends to carry around a pen and a scrap of paper on missions and doodle pretty sights or happy moments in her free time.

• Doesn’t actually braid her own hair. She tried to learn in the past, but it never really caught on for her. She usually gets one of her brothers or sisters to do it for her, otherwise just puts it into a quick bun when she needs to.

• Has an absolute bleeding heart for animals. Will totally go out of her way to give food to stray cats and dogs wherever she goes, and if she settles down, the local stray animal population 100% crowds at her door every morning for snacks.

• Probably tried to adopt wild animals as a kid. Gave her parents a heart attack when her little 5 yo self walked in with a baby brown bear staring silently at them.

• Has a lot of scars. Obviously a lot of them are from missions and work, but surprisingly most of them are from stupid childhood stuff. Like, you could leave her alone in a padded room for a whole five seconds and you come back to at least three broken objects, something inedible in her mouth and a massive scrape across both of her arms. She wasn’t a stupid kid, just way too curious for her own good with absolutely no survival instinct.

• The master of gifts. Like, for birthdays and holidays, everyone just eagerly awaits her gifts because she somehow nails exactly what they want, even if they don’t ask her or suggest anything.

• Unintentional queen of gossip. She encourages people to come to her with info because she trusts herself to compile it and store anything important, but 99% of the time she only has drama being told to her. Like, sure, she could tell you the exact details of enemy movements to the centimetre, but she could also tell you about why Fatima broke up with her third boyfriend and how it was definitely his fault.

• Loves customising her appearance in little ways. She’ll have new nail designs and cute little hair bobbles and stuff like that pretty much daily. Def wants to dye her hair or do intricate makeup, but it’s just not practical or safe with her work.

• Hates ladders when they’re stood up by themself. She’s completely fine when they’re leaning on a steady surface, but otherwise put her anywhere above the second step and she’s shaking like a dog on a cat tower.

• Loves sleeping w people platonically. Just enjoys the safety of not being alone and trusts herself to look after the other person while they’re so vulnerable.

• Always doing something with her hands, from fidgeting with her hair, clothes, ect to just constant gestures while talking. Probably knows how to sew, knit, crochet, crack her fingers loud enough to wake the whole base, the lot.

• Is the kinda person who almost never get sick to the point where their immune system is a myth to their friends/family - until they get absolutely knocked out by the most vicious virus you’ve seen (and then bounce back after a few weeks somehow completely fine, like nothing happened).

• Just outright refuses to sleep with a blanket. Will tolerate a quilt, but absolutely refuses blankets. She loves to cuddle up in one while hanging out in the day or just unwinding, but literally can’t sleep at all with one.

• Can’t sit normally for the life of her. Put her on a chair and after maybe five minutes, her legs are each laid over a different end of the chair and she’s hanging from it upside down. /j

• Loves lego sets, just never gets to have them. Imagine that joke of giving guys that lego star wars falcon or sumt ship set and they’ll be completely distracted with it, just turn it up tenfold and add a little more rage.

• Has nightmares over the stupidest stuff. Like, there’s all that trauma nightmare material for her brain to feast on yet she wakes up in a cold sweat over a dream of serial killing cornflakes.

• Can’t massage for shit but is like the base’s personal chiropractor. You complain about your back aching? Five minutes later you’ve been folded perfectly over a table, each one of the joints in your body cracking with a decibel count similar to that of a volcanic eruption and your bones suddenly fresh as the day you were born.

• Holds really good game night kinda things. On an especially long stakeout, she’ll whip out a couple hoarded snacks and a deck of cards and it’s like a family game night all over.

• Surprisingly sentimental. She tries to avoid having too many, if any, personal objects just because she knows she’ll probably have to leave them behind eventually, even if her situation is stable at that moment. She totally has a favourite gun with a name that she treats like her firstborn child, though.

• Has no idea how to comfort people but is somehow absolutely amazing at it. You could be bawling your eyes out, experiencing literally the worst day of your life, whole world crumbling around you, and she’d just sit there in a too-long silence with a hesitant hand on your shoulder, awkwardly mumbling ‘there, there’, and it would inexplicably be the most comforting sensation you’d ever experienced. She just gives off a warm, cosy kinda energy.

• Gleeks on command. Just for funsies.

• Refuses to use any kind of non-manual toothbrushes (electric, sonic, ect). She just hates the feel of them in her mouth.

• Rages pretty easily but refuses to show that in front of her brothers & sisters. Likes to be a kind of role model to them so avoids being overly violent or rude like the plague (generally isn’t either of those without good cause, but esp not with them).

• Overanalyses things for fun. Partly as a bit of a military habit, but she also enjoys deep diving into the things she loves and explores loads of different ideas/meanings to them, and is really passionate about them. It also gives her a kinda fulfilled, safe feeling that honestly my girl deserves more of 😭 /lh

I might add more to this later when my brain kicks back in again 😇

Sorry if this isn’t exactly all hc material, I’m not too great with them, I usually stick to little scenarios and general stuff like that lol. I still enjoyed dumping these little ideas, tysm anon 😚🫂

[robinisademon]

I posted 3,553 times in 2022

That's 2,022 more posts than 2021!

11 posts created (0%)

3,542 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@aroacevaljean

@mcrbois

@veshille

@snowy-sniper

@wizardsisananimal

I tagged 2,060 of my posts in 2022

Only 42% of my posts had no tags

#mcr - 858 posts

#g - 705 posts

#art - 469 posts

#ofmd - 256 posts

#sandman - 87 posts

#q - 63 posts

#esc22 - 37 posts

#green dress tm art ref time - 35 posts

#jellycat - 34 posts

#les mis - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#but however i have been seeing the trend in university lately that when youre ill the teachers sometimes still exoect you to follow class-

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Blackbeard in art nouveau style, sad edition.

Background inspired by Mucha's "Fox-Land Jamaica Rum" (1897)

Flowers are wild rose, sweet pea, and butterfly weed. All badly drawn at 3 AM.

plus heres a horrendously coloured one! it's muddy and includes really shit bucket fill! enjoy!

See the full post

73 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

#4

quick lil draw,, im hfhsfjsfhjakfajkd so not sorry

(based on "Fruit" by Mucha, 1897)

85 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

#3

okay okay this is still a Sketch so dont scream at me i know the face is like a smiley and the arms are different lengths but shhhhhh. the vision is coming together

EDIT this now has a finished version

138 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#2

Just gonna drop this here...

it's a silly little powerpoint with some outfit images on the slides, sorted by date. not complete, dont come for my throat. working on it though!

Edit 23/09: Completed all shows up to today. Would love feedback on any potential mistakes.

Edit 24/09: it's temporarily down bc onedrive is a bitch. hopefully will be fixed soon! more info on this in the comments of this post.

Edit 25/09: Microsoft. is a fucking. twat. Theyve blocked my account, probably because my powerpoint is seen as spam. Apparently on of their spam policies is "Don’t send content to people you don’t know or to many people at the same time" which is dumb because why do we have a fucking share function then? YeAh pLs sHaRe iT bUT LikE dOnt sHare it ToO mUCh. Bastards. cant have anything fun.

Anyway. I cant get my account back (well, i could but i dont want to give them my phone number), which means its time for the next plan:

Ill replace the link to the powerpoint with a link to a google drive, and I'll upload new versions of the powerpoint on there. Sadly all previous reblogs will keep the wrong link so i really hope they will see this message. Ill also put it in the comment section to make that a little more likely. I might also make a brand new post, additionally to this one.

Sorry for all the inconveniences and i hope we can share a little joy in a new way. fingers crossed.

317 notes - Posted September 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Alright. I'm just gonna quit painting and post this before I go insane. You can scream at me now.

References:

Background design and colours heavily based on "La Dame aux camélias", Mucha (1896).

Flowers in the background are lily (yellow), honeysuckle (really badly drawn), and thyme (didnt even bother to draw the shape right).

Pose based on "Médéé", Mucha (1898), especially the arms hands and knife situation.

Character is from Our Flag Means Death (2022). Obviously.

1,172 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gotstabbedbyapen]

Hey Pen! Guess who just stumbled upon an old draft of theirs (that’s 85 pages-) and decided that it’d be better with another character! Unfortunately, they don’t know much about this new character, which is Apollo, and so they were hoping you could give them basics of the myths, your headcanons, and/or fics that you liked the characterizations of? It’s fine if not, I just felt that you’d be the first and easiest source to get this information from bc I just don’t know His character or His myths. Literally anything could help, even directing me to others that I could ask for help. I have written for him before and a lot of people liked it, this is just a much bigger project and I’d just love help and guidance :)

I am more than happy to help you with this! Sorry for the late reply because I have to do a bit research for this post 😅

But first, a quick disclaimer: I am not an expert on Apollo or Greek mythology in general, just an enthusiast who loves researching. All my claims should always be taken with a mountain of salt.

And a note for everyone else: @sleepdeprivationbutitsvaruna is hosting "The Greek Mythos Project", a fic series featuring many characters in Greek mythology. You can learn more about it in this post (or the official announcement on their project blog)

Now let's talk about Apollo!

Contrary to popular media presentations, Apollo isn't completely arrogant and self-centered. He is proud of his talents, yes, but he is also a loving, generous, and righteous god. He loves his family dearly, lavishes his partners with gifts and favors, and aids his people in many domains.

Of course, like other gods, Apollo has his wrathful moments but not without a reason. He doesn't only punish people for insulting him, but also those who hurt his loved ones or innocent commoners. This is why Apollo has the title of "Destroyer of Evil".

Apollo has many myths showcasing different aspects of him, so it's hard to boil him down to a single depiction - the one I just gave you is how I perceive him from my readings. For further research, I highly recommend the Theoi website, as it provides lots of Greek and Roman literature quotes that you can use as starting blocks. You can also check out @my-name-is-apollo's content, they have even more resources and insightful analyses about Apollo.

Aside from my literary view of him, I do have personal headcanons of Apollo that may or may not be relevant to his classical depiction. They are scattered ideas for now, and I will pin down a more concrete character for him in future works.

But to put it simply, I see Apollo as a golden god on the outside but a hurt child on the inside. Apollo's childhood trauma is what fueled his strive for perfection and, in an ironic twist, was the reason for his excel in arts (think of the quote "For the best is only bought at the cost of great pain" from The Thorn Birds)

There are also other wonderful takes on Apollo you can check out. The works that feature Apollo that I highly recommend are Apóllūmi by @hycinthrt, Retrograde by @starfanatic, and The Ungilded Version by MeZaKi93. Not to overly spoil your read, but I really want to talk a bit about them a bit!

Retrograde is the one that ignited and heavily influenced my HC of a traumatized Apollo trying to cover his past wounds with his "golden god" mask. The other two works have Apollo as calm, playful, and a caring figure to his loved ones. The Ungilded Version has Apollo as an amazing father, and Apóllūmi displays his role as the protector of children.

But that doesn't mean Apollo is 100% perfect in these works. He still has his flaws and selfish deeds, but that doesn't completely ruin his image in the story! You just fall in love with him more at how fleshed out he is!

And that is all I can help. Hope your writing process will be as smooth as possible and I will see you in the Greek mythology project ❤️

[fahbev]

@whumper-in-training

ok I don’t know how long my caption is allowed to be, but here it is! The promised fan art! I REFUSE to be self-deprecating here because I actually do like these a lot. Basically, I read this amazing story called ACP- The Agency for Cryptids and the Paranormal, (https://whumper-in-training.tumblr.com/post/673130936584568832/acp-the-agency-for-cryptids-and-the) and I totally fell in love with the character of Zak. This STORY MAN! It broke my heart in half and then lovingly stitched it back together, like multiple times, and I think that’s the ESSENCE of a good story. So yeah I made fan art. 

I was in the car on a fairly long trip, and I had my sketchbook, and I was like, hey, what should I draw? Fuck it i’m drawing Zak. So I drew Zak. I originally didn’t want to deal with how the hoodie would work with all the weird perspective and just gave him a tee-shirt, but then I yelled at myself: “COWARD! Draw the hoodie!” And so I erased the shirt and drew a hoodie. I figure that the hoodie in the picrew isn’t how the hoodie actually looks, it’s just the closest approximation you can get with a picrew, so I put an alien on it because yes. While I was drawing it though, I hit a fork in the road with the pose. I was going to draw him with his hand clawed and the other on his hip, but then I was like “what if he had his arm up instead?” And so I made two versions.

I drew werewolf Zak hell ya! I spent FOREVER inking this. Okay if was only like two hours, but inking is kinda boring and thus I procrastinated, and so it took me like three days to ink it. It took much longer than usual Bc I went over each line a bunch of times to make it look like fur/hair/eyelashes, but you can’t even see it Bc the colors are so dark! Argh! Usually color more than doubles the amount of time I spend on a drawing, but this time I just quickly threw down some color in only like an hour! I was so sure I was gonna say, “it’ll be quick” and then spend another six hours on it, because that ALWAYS happens, but it actually WAS quick so yes.

Last but not least, I drew the gang all together! Technically I drew this second, and colored it first, but you get the idea! This drawing filled me with all the happy chemicals the whole time making it y’all. After several hours it kinda wore off, but every time I zoomed in on Max’s face I got a fresh rush of serotonin. I decided to draw that one scene where they all fall asleep together because it was SO WHOLESOME! I wanted to draw the whole group, but didn’t know what kind of context to do. Then I scrolled through the blog, found that scene, reread it and was like “yes! That’s the one!”. And so I drew it. I did have to look up “do Muslim women sleep with their hijabs on?” And i’m glad it was a google search and not asking a real person Bc the response I found was basically: “No, you dumbass! Why would we do that? That makes no sense-” and several sarcastic responses to the same question on Quora and i’m just like: “:’D” I did look into it a bit more and realized the hijab has to stay on Bc while they are like family, they’re still not her mahrams. Also I figure that if I was gonna post this, even if she was alone, drawing her without it would kinda be violating her privacy yk? Like i’m exposing her for the whole internet to see. Kinda like drawing her naked would be. Anyway, I love this drawing, hope you love it too!

Ok, still keep your expectations to an army crawl because I never finish stuff, but fanfic is in the works. I am probably gonna wait until it’s finished to post it though, that way I can edit things and change earlier chapters. Also! I’m a total novice writer! So it’s probably crap! I don’t care! I have this policy that I would always rather make the cringe fanfic, wear the ugly clothing, make the stupid drawings, the cursed memes, shout all the embarrassing shit, do all the dumb things that teenagers do (as long as it’s not harmful or permanent obvi), sing all the bad karaoke, embarrass myself a TON, etc, and regret it later, cringe so hard in ten years, than to never let myself do anything, constantly hold back, never reach my full potential and regret THAT in ten years. Thank you for listening to my TED Talk. I still might very well be too shy to post it though ahhhhh. For some reason i’m WAY more shy online than irl, that makes no sense. Like I can walk up to a random person and talk to them no prob, but I get super anxious going in someone’s ask box. Maybe Bc I can’t read their body and face language like that? Idk. Like I said, just don’t expect anything.

[morbsxadorbs]

so because baron zemo’s been a source of serotonin for me lately as I’ve been trying to work on my fic which makes his snubbing in the current thunderbolts announcement suck all that much more, I thought I’d shoot some outfit photos with my zemo muse doll 💜

photos and more info under the cut to save dash space!

I introduced him over on my fandom blog @nbraraeaves when I first got him a while ago - as I think I mentioned in the plush guide I reblogged the other day, I got him from Meizai on etsy a couple years ago a while after I first started from sokovia with love. the coat and shirt he’s wearing are part of the outfit she custom-designed for him! the pants are some generic suit trousers I swapped in, and the boots are actually from a Loki cotton doll I ordered on ebay years ago without really knowing what it was (thus making him my first doll in this style).

here he is in just his shirt, please feel free to add your own “I Came for the Low” in the background:

anyway, onto this slapdash fashion show that I put together while no one came to my drop-in hour for work lmao 😂

1. I try to have a “casual” outfit for my plushies that travel with me a lot back and forth to my family’s place in TX, and Zemo is one that usually comes with just bc I never know when I’m going to get bit by the from sokovia bug again. I bought him this hoodie bc it’s purple, albeit a different shade from his main color, but I also just really wanted to see him in something cute and silly. (excuse my crooked bow, I’m still working on my technique)

Just modeling the hood up, with a different angle for the embroidered details one might miss on his enormous noble head.

2. I have a puffy pirate shirt that I bought specifically to give my different plushies their macfayden Mr. Darcy moment (minus water obvs), and on Zemo I always think of him being cajoled into posing for a traditional portrait by his parents, maybe when he’s still working his way up through the ranks of EKO Scorpion:

(I always have to tuck it in to his trousers bc otherwise it looks like an old fashioned christening gown lmao)

behold: a handsome boy! a boy of many talents!! and he will begrudgingly pose for photos!! ✨

2.5. I’ve been wearing a sword necklace I got a few years ago recently as I’ve been planning chapter 10, and I suddenly desperately needed to know how it would look if I gave it to him to hold -

with some quick thinking to make the chain itself into a sort of harness belt, it turns out he looks quite dashing wielding his family’s ancestral weapon!!

a close up for detail (and just me showing how I balanced it):

3. then of course I had to see how he looked with his usual coat over top, and definitely got a swashbuckling-‘92 Candyman hybrid vibe that I adore with his little frilly sleeves sticking out 🖤

look at him. isn’t that the cutest shit. what the hell.

4. finally, I don’t have his famous bathrobe yet bc I’m still looking for the right color, but for now, here are his pajamas, which are the closest I’ve managed to come right now:

look at him. flourishing. thriving. unbothered ✨

my next goal outfit is to replicate the first ever art I got for anything I’d ever written, this piece by my buddy Toni aka @imalsonotsure aka @three-stacked-raccons:

[insert the Dean IronGiant “It’s ART!!!”.gif bc I’m editing on mobile and hit my image limit lmao)

I have the pink shirt and glasses, I’m just waiting on the pink cardigan to get to my folks’ house (as it was a birthday gift this past year). I’m sure I’ll post an updated photo from there once I can put it all together!!

Next likely photos will either be chibi!Maxi or his secret alt twin mini!Maxi (long story to be explained), or maybe my bat collection, which is now large and historic as I’ve literally been picking them up since I was a wee baby bat myself. 🦇🖤

anyway, thanks for humoring me and my old camera! I just really love my little plushies, and figured that I might as well start sharing them with others who might like them too 🖤🖤🖤

[loth-wolffe]

Hello hello! Congratulations on your milestone!! So happy for you!!

I really like your blog and your writing! I LOVE how you write soft crosshair.

I wanted to know if I could request a fic with the one and only Captain Rex?

With number 9 and 39 from the lyrics prompt list, pretty please?

Something along the lines of them not having seen each other in a while, cuz you know, the clone wars.

they are kinda nervous, afraid the other doesn't feel the same way anymore :'(

BUT THEY DO LOVE EACH OTHER SO SO SO MUCH IT HURTS AND IT'S LIKE REUNION, HAPPY TEARS, LONG AWAITED KISSES AND HUGS.

I JUST- WHAT THE HELL I- THANK YOU SO MUCH??? youre so kind! *sends a kiss to a planet Earth image* for u, wherever u are. anyways this ask is FANTASTIC OMG. thank you so so so so much for requesting this.

also added my sweet @intergalactic-padawan request that was prompt 43 bc I realized I was writing pretty much the same thing so yeah.

hope you guys like it!

It's been a long, long time.

Pairings: Captain Rex x reader (no y/n)

Prompts: 9. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do. - Like real people do by Hozier, 39. I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me. - Ivy by Frank Ocean and 43. Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again, it's been a long, long time. - It's been a long, long time by Harry James

Warnings: a bit sad I think? reader feels very anxious bc they don't know if rex loves them still. but it's fluff I swear. like, very very very fluffy.

Word count: 1,1k bc I can't control myself and make actual drabbles.

He had been away for too long. You had begun to forget his touch, the sweet taste of his lips, the goosebumps his fingers left on your skin, the warmth of his caress. Days blurred together with the only constant thing being how much you missed him, heart longing, aching quietly, mourning for the emptiness it feels, tired, desperate, for the day Rex comes back to fill it again.

There were nights where you fell asleep with tears running down your cheeks, afraid you might never see him, trying to forget the dull ache your heart felt with every beat it gave, breaking just a little bit for him, swelling with love for a man you barely saw.

You hated him sometimes, just to justify the torrent of emotions that slowly consumed you with every day that passed, a filthy lie you told yourself to push away the pain, the tears that gathered in your eyes, how the memory of him fogged your mind and couldn't, wouldn't, let you rest. You hated how much you loved him, and in the anger of it you wished he felt the same, but then again you didn't, because maybe the ghost of you distracted him enough to make him sloppy, careless, maybe your ghost stopped him from coming back to you, took his hand and dragged him away.

It became a habit, to wake up in an empty bed, make your own caf, and wait for the day to end. The empty spot he left always following you around, and you learned to dance around it, never touching it, never moving it, but letting it be, becoming one with you because you'd rather have that than nothing at all.

It was all routine, one that slowly stuck to your nature, with him becoming a presence you that scarred you, probably, for life.

Quick texts and short conversations was all you got from Rex, unable to give you more, and for you to ask for more, leaving you both in a limbo, not knowing where you stood anymore.

Which led you to this moment, nervousness bubbling in your chest like some sort of venom, thick and foul, spreading through your body fast and corrosive.

His shuttle had just arrived, and between the many troopers you were looking for his distinctive uniform, the pauldron standing tall and the Jaig eyes making the search easier.

You feel sick at the mere thought of having him in front of you.

Does he looks the same? Same hair, a new scar maybe? Will he still like how you laugh, or call his name? Does he kiss, touch, feel the same? Do you?

Does he love you still?

It's been too long, too long.

You fidget with your shirt and your eyes sometimes find the floor, flickering through the different buckets, a couple of Jedi pass by, some pilots, a few droids. No one is your man.

Anxiety starts to make you feel dizzy, sound begins to feel too distant, and has your heart always been beating this quick? You can't breath properly.

Where is Rex? Is he–

Tears fill your eyes as a sigh leaves you, relief washing over you as find him, uniform a bit dirtier than the last time you saw it, blasters at both his sides and the kamas move matching the confidence he carries himself with as he comes to meet you. You can't see his face and the fact stirs something unpleasant in you, self doubt slowly poking it's ugly head.

Are you still beautiful in his eyes?

You always hated the way his helmet shields him from you, not letting you know what he's feeling, is he disgusted, happy, sad? Is he as nervous as you are? You can never tell.

Your head falls slightly once he's in front of you, and you're glad he can't hear the frenetic beat of your heart.

He calls your name with a formality that surprises you, you look everywhere but him, searching new scratches in his armour, finding a few stains that weren't there before.

He doesn't make any sign that he might want to hug you or touch you, and neither do you, standing at a safe distance that it might look like you're just co-workers or less.

Your hand itches to feel him.

"Rex." You let out, trying to find his eyes behind the bucket, he looks stiff, frozen, like something weights on him heavy and awkward.

Your mind wanders to the worst of places.

He lifts his bucket and tucks it under his arm, shy eyes search for something in yours, and yours searching for anything that might be different from the last time you got to see his pretty face.

No new scars –not visible at least–, same short blond hair, same irises that remind you of the sun and that matches it's warmth. He looks just the same, yet you don't know if his feelings stayed.

Maybe... maybe he met someone else, what if he–?

"Hi." He says in a breath, as if he had been holding it for far too long, and is enough for your tears to cascade down your cheeks as a smile breaks through your face.

"Hi yourself, trooper."

Rex wraps your body in his arms, pulling you flush against him, face hiding in your neck as he breathes you in. He almost cries, right then and there, you smell just like he remembered, like something sweet, something like home.

It's comforting, really, to know nothing has changed between you two in a galaxy that always seems to be.

And just like that, you know you're fine.

You whisper his name, and when he looks up he wastes no time in pressing your lips together, a tender little touch that is just a taste of what's to come, of what words can't express, and you find yourself holding him tighter, afraid he might be an illusion, a dream, a distant memory you thought forgotten. But it's still there. He is here. Kissing you like real people do, not a vision, not a wish nor a dream.

It is him in your arms, and you in his.

"I love you," Rex blurts when you pull away for air, in a whisper, as if he didn't want anyone but you to hear, scared of rejection but even more scared of you never knowing. His lips brush with yours, uncertain, timid, foreheads touching.

You feel like dreaming, like you're walking over the clouds, floating away in a perpetual state of pure love, heart feeling so full you might think it's about to explode.

"Kiss me." You plead and he delivers, pushing you to the closest supply box, inhaling sharply when your nails softly scratch the skin at the nape. It's filled with a longing that had been caged for too long, and it's messy, teeth clashing and noses bumping, tongues re-exporing and you don't think you have felt this good in a long time.

Before he can pull away properly, you connect your lips again, and again, and again, until they are swollen and you're panting for air.

It's been too long, and you have missed him so much, and you don't know how to tell him, how to let him know all and every emotion that has tormented you since you met him, so you try to summarize it in four simple, but powerful words.

"I love you too."

taglist: @foodandbooksplease @dottiechan @ladykatakuri @tacticalsparkles @lightning-wolffe @baroclinicinstability @murdertoothpick @m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s @space-girl-and-droids-art @shygirl268 @hellothere-generalangsty

[inkofamethyst]

November 11, 2022

I actually did the worst on my open book popgen exam lol (not that it mattered anyway).  I’m in a good place grade-wise, I think.

You know, all of these programs conveniently leave out the fact that not only do you have to submit a personal statement, but you have to also write four, five, six other little essays on random (they’re related) topics.  Like,,, HUH.  I just thought I’d pop in with a quick “boy howdy I wanna be a scientist, a woman in stem, a personified bunsen burner” and then be met with a round of applause and a stipend but apparently that’s not enough these days.

Also some of my apps are asking about my sexuality and that was definitely not a thing four years ago and like idk I know some ace folk feel like they fit in the queer community and that’s totally fine and I love my little hahaheehee’s on acetok but putting it in writing (yes, I recognize the irony considering the nature of this blog)???  FIRST of all I don’t know if this is real or if it’s purity culture-induced guilt.  I could get married and it all falls away and suddenly you’ve got a sexual being on your hands (one in need of therapy tho bc I’ve heard it’s a difficult switch to make).  SECOND what if it changes.  I dunno I just.. there is no truly permanent sense of self and.. ugh.  I mean I could say I’m aro/ace and they’ll be like “wow so she won’t be distracted by boys she’s a safe bet” but what they don’t know is that I’ll be distracted by everything else.

On a lighter note, listen.  I get it, LMM maybe wasn’t at all what we were expecting from Hermes.  I love the jokes, I think they’re silly because, ultimately, that man is a dork.  A theatre kid (who makes pretty bangin music ngl).  All adult theatre kids deserve ridicule.  No exceptions.  Obviously I want him to do well because I want the show to be good and I trust Rick.  I love the silly jokes, but I feel a little bad bc we’re circling back to that time on tiktok when Hamilton had just been released on D+ and everyone was watching it and making fun of the guy even though he wasn’t doing anything except loving being on stage.

And, breaking news, it turns out that I may not get into that education class after all which kind of sucks.  I have to wait until the start of next semester to see if the section has seats available at which point anyone will be able to register.  Until then, I’m registered for a greek art class in its place.

Lastly, it’s surprisingly easy to slip into supporting eugenics and I blame this on the fact that geneticists find eugenics to be so abhorrent and such an uncomfortable part of the discipline’s history that it’s rarely actually discussed or taught.  And this is the same problem with minimizing slavery or the holocaust or the treatment of indigenous Americans.  Those who do not learn and critically consider history are doomed to repeat it.  Scientists have an ethical responsibility to go beyond providing data.  They must nip misinterpretations in the bud by addressing the context of their work.  We read an article (more like a saga of articles, it was the scientific equivalent of a fight over twitter) in popgen which got me completely wired by the way that it used eugenics rhetoric without addressing that issue explicitly, and that feels so much more irresponsible than saying your a eugenics advocate outright (my prof had to assure me that the author was not, in fact, a eugenics guy).  I just... science doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and we live in an age where information is readily available to any person at any time.  Scientists need to keep that in mind and consider the social ramifications of their work, especially if it relates to humans.  Neutral science does not exist!!  We’re all influenced by the context in which we are raised!!  Anyway, back to the original point, eugenics should be taught sensitively in science classes so that people understand a) how to detect the warning signs of a budding eugenics-based argument and b) why they’re wrong to begin with.  Only then can we civilly discuss issues like how to mitigate the problems of the (fairly theoretical to begin with) human genetic load or whatever.

Today I’m thankful for the walks promenades I took last night and tonight!!  It was decently warm and I just needed to blow off some steam (we’re a mere week into daylight savings and I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate how sunset starts at 2 pm I hate how I feel down more often now).  Plus CRC3E38 was released yesterday and I tore through that thing on my walks.  I’m thankful that there’s a big open area on campus where people often frequent so I feel safe walking at night.  I’m thankful that I, a patron of the arts, went to see an (free) a capella show tonight, a lovely and uniquely collegiate experience.  I’m thankful that my cello-friend liked my arrangement draft!!  Finally, I’m thankful that I know people who will straight up tell me who the red flags in my field of choice are because I was definitely unknowingly flying close to one.

[neverdoingmuch]

now hear me out,,, an au where lan wangji is an editor who works for an erotica publisher and wei wuxian is essentially chuck tingle. (also lwj writes romance novels on the side)

wei wuxian didn’t plan to write erotica he wants to make that really clear, he was actually studying like biomed or something equally “oh wow my parents can brag to the other parents about this”

but, as frequently happens in wwx’s life, he got drunk with nhs, like really drunk and they woke up the next morning with a laptop on the floor beside them and loose paper strewn everywhere

they don’t really remember what they were doing or thinking last night but they’ve both drawn a bunch of really shitty and weird porn (the less said about the anthropomorphic version of wen chao’s pet turtle the better) and wei wuxian has like 20,000 words of an erotica story on his laptop

when he starts reading it, at first he’s like haha what the fuck this is so weird but then it turned out to be really good??? and nhs blushed at some of the ~sexy~ scenes so that’s how wwx knew he was writing the good stuff

anyway they’re sitting there, eating their hangover food and wei wuxian goes so uh my story was good right? and nhs is like yeah it was, top stuff i would buy it and wei wuxian goes what if i actually wrote it,,, haha just kidding,,,,, unless?

and in his defence he doesn’t actually write anything for the story for another like three months but then he finds himself in the middle of exam season and he’s like fuck it stress relief let’s write some erotica

he finishes the book and his exams (which he does well in but whatever) and then spends his summer holidays editing the book

when he comes back, he slaps down a paper copy on nhs’ desk and is like i finished it. nhs, thinking he meant his latest lab write up, opens it up to a random page and starts reading it out loud which was a Mistake

he trails off mid-sentence, and whips around to glare at wwx with all the wrath he can muster. it’s raunchy nhs says and just read it wwx tells him so nhs does

like 2 hours later nhs turns to him and says if it wasnt for you and the librarian staring at me the whole time i definitely would’ve felt something and wwx is like so it’s good? and nhs is like fuck yeah it is but i dont get what you want from me?

pretty much wwx passed out after exams, slept for like 20 hours and then woke up and went i should publish this and decided that nhs should draw the cover art.

nhs agrees of course and a month later wwx self-publishes bc there’s no way he can walk into a publishing house with his porn and not just combust on the spot and he decides to go by the name yiling patriarch

wwx clicks the final button to upload the fic and nhs just toasts him and goes yknow what,, this is the closest you’ve ever gotten to having sex and i’m proud of you

wei wuxian is the man who guarded his first kiss for the first twenty years of his life for someone special,,,, wwx definitely wants his first time to be special and there’s no way he’s putting out for someone he doesn’t think is important & despite having dated before, he’s never gotten close enough to someone to go yeah let’s do it so our boy is still a virgin

so wwx’s entire erotica writing inspiration comes from porn, nhs’ way too in-depth answers as to how his latest date went and uh more porn

wwx blusters about a bit bc how is he meant to respond to that and nhs is like maybe you’ll finally move on from reading those trashy romance novels and read something more exciting and wwx is like how dare you call them trashy!! hanguang-jun is a master of the romance novels!! he understands the heart in a way that no other person has ever!! 

and nhs just chugs a bunch of wine and is like yeah hon okay, do you still blush when the main characters hold hands? and wwx is like no! of course not! (it’s a lie, he blushes a lot)

so nothing really happens with the book at first and wwx forgets about it for the most part but then he wakes up one morning and he’s got an extra like RMB 1000 (i dont actually know much about currency so it’s roughly $200 if my quick interneting is legit)

wwx is like wtf? and once he finds out it’s from his novel he’s doubly like wtf? but then he finds out that someone had purchased his book and did a dramatic reading on youtube bc wwx decided that regular erotica was boring and decided to make it satirical or whatever and people loved it??

he’s got nothing better to do so he just goes hm yeah remember that Author i dated who had an “incredible idea that would absolutely amaze The Critics and helped explore his own convoluted mind” let’s make something of that and he writes another book kinda mocking that idea in a very horny way.

he publishes it and someone writes a review of his two books on their blog and now he’s actually starting to get popular - he’s got more money from those two books than he did by working at the local cafe for the whole week

wwx is poor and broke and semi-disowned anyway by this point so he goes fuck it and spends every moment he’s not studying writing erotica. 

he publishes another like five books by the time the year is out (i know the maths isnt working here but this is a book world where wwx can just do that via the power of loneliness and friends who egg you on)

also?? he varies his books. some of them are porn parody things a la chuck tingle and some of them are genuine porn and one book was just him writing a recipe book but making it sound as horny as possible

by the time he’s published his like 8th book or so he starts getting reviews that are critiquing his book and most of them boil down to the fact that he needs an editor or something 

he ends up asking nhs for help and he’s like oh sweet my brother’s boyfriend works for a publisher who does that sort of thing

cloud recesses actually specialises in erotica and i hate the idea that lqr has spent years reading and editing erotica but sacrifices must be made

(side note that i know nothing about the writing or publishing process so pls don’t judge me too harshly)

wwx goes in with his latest manuscript and ends up arriving like ten minutes late, he rushes into the room sweaty and hot, takes one look at the guy sitting on the other side of the desk, flushes an even brighter red and runs back out of the room. he checks the plaque on the door and walks back in slowly and goes hm i didnt expect you to be so hot

cue lan wangji

lwj has always enjoyed being an editor. what do editor do specifically? idk? edit? regardless, he enjoys it. 

while most of the time he’s happy working from this side of things he also likes writing

lwj fucks. he deserves it tbh. but, while he’s had a tonne of one night stands and fuckbuddies, he’s never actually dated someone. so the fact that he’s writing romance novels under the pseudonym hanguang-jun makes his friend jzx laugh a lot

he tried writing porn once and he just couldn’t do it. it was always too clinical or vague and lacked any actual passion bc he was always going oh okay mc sucks a dick but the guy i slept with last week was like a 6.4/10 when it came to sucking dick so maybe mc should also be bad at it or whatever and it just ends up falling apart,,,, but romance he can do

as an editor lwj has pretty high standards for good erotica but he’s really found himself enjoying yiling patriarch’s work even though he’s clearly just been editing himself so when the guy sent cloud recesses an email asking whether they’d be interested in his latest book lwj was ecstatic. 

he also didnt expect wwx to be so hot

anyway,,, we now get to enjoy a week of lwj thinking that wwx is super hot but even more annoying and then him deciding that annoying is hot and now wwx is just absolutely amazing and wwx is just panicking the entire time 

i want my publisher to rail me so hard wwx texts nhs and nhs just responds has he read the bdsm scene with the alien who has a tentacle dick and a knot yet? and wwx is like no??? nhs just goes shame, it will give him so ideas for if you ever grow a backbone and just ask him out

they publish one book together and nothing happened between them the entire time other than yearning and horniness,, of the heart and body. 

when wwx realises this means that he won’t get to see lwj again he immediately writes a new book and like a month later he’s back in lwj’s office, lying on his couch while whining about the cafeteria prices at university

lwj is very enamoured by the fact that wwx is writing erotica and studying biomed bc wow

they do this for like another three books and wwx’s eroticas evolve from here’s a dinosaur man fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on to be like here’s a dinosaur man with black hair and golden eyes and a stern look to his face fucking a politician while a mary sue watches on

and hanguang-jun’s latest book?? i dont want to say that this au’s version of wangxian is hanguang-jun finally finding inspiration to write porn (his muse is wwx of course) and writing the most amazing porn with feelings and plot novel ever,, but it is. 

wwx read it five times in the first week and when nhs finally tried to read it he was like uhhh wwx are you a narcissist, the love interest is exactly like you? and wwx is like ??? no???? he’s nothing like me??

anyway one day wwx gets called into lxc’s office and lxc is like so i’ve read your latest book (not the dinosaur man, a serious one with like normal people and not overly humorous thank fuck but still full of lwj yearning) and wwx is like okay? and lxc goes yes, see i was worried that you didn’t care very much for my brother but after reading your book i’m not so sure and wwx gets the weirdest shovel talk ever which is interspersed with like compliments for his porn writing skills

anyway lxc accidentally mentions that lwj writes books too and before he can take it back wwx is like who??? and lxc is like are you fucking stupid?? you told lwj to his face that you loved his books,,, he broke his theme of tender romance to write kinky sex with a character that’s a lot like you and wwx is like .,,,,,,,,, hanguang-jun??? HANGUANG-JUN???!!

lxc barely manages to confirm it before wwx is sprinting out of his office and across to find lwj.

regretfully for everyone else, lwj is in the lobby so thirty people get to hear it when wwx comes in and shouts LAN ZHAN!! back then, i really wanted write porn about you! ... i think i have actually? but i want to write porn about you and i want to be able to do the research to make it accurate! and i also want to go on dates and hold hands and feed each other food! and i love you a lot! 

lwj is dying inside bc his brother’s bf is there, his uncle is currently waiting for the elevators and a whole bunch of staff are also there but also wwx likes him??? dinosaur man was lwj??

he goes over and they make out for a really long time right there in the middle of the lobby but no one wants to get between them when they’ve been pining for so long

after that they start dating and they do all the romantic stuff but also,, let’s just say that the next book wwx publishes is a lot more creative than all of his previous books

and they become some writing power couple with horniness of the heart and body and sometimes wwx will be like hey lwj i don’t really know how the logistics of this sex scene will work and lwj will be like we could try it out ourselves? and wwx just pats him on the head and is like im sorry but you dont have enough dicks for it to work ),: better luck next time

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 137

Trying to figure out Author’s notes is hard.... Sometimes I just don’t have anything pithy to say, or have too much to say and don’t know where to put it all.

Obviously I am an overthinker.

So, for the sake of everyone reading: Let’s cut to the Shoutouts!

The obvious first: @baelpenrose, @the-raven-fae, @anotherusrname, and @charlylimph-blog! I love all of you, you are the best.

Special mentions to: @zommbiebro bc I miss you and hope you’re okay. @nekohuntslight for being the OG person to message me about liking the story (yes, Bael, this is the dirty secret behind why I thought you lived in Australia when we first started talking.... shhhhhh). And alllllll the binge readers who blow up my inbox every day, Iloveyousomuchyoudon’tunderstand. Very much adore all of you, you have no idea how serious I am being right now. I need to go through and make one post just screaming all your names to the universe.

Tyche brought drinks and snacks from my kitchen before flopping on the couch in my quarters. The guys were at work, along with Antoine, but my office was closed down for the day. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?” she asked.

“Vati and Hannah have everything planned to the smallest detail,” I shrugged. “They’ve already coordinated with Xio and Evan for all the crowd control and monitoring shifts, and the murals are going up today.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m well aware of the logistics stuff. I literally handle all the staffing for the humans on the Ark, and Antoine was also part of the crowd control conversations.”

“Then why did you ask?” I laughed, grabbing a cracker and carefully stacking cheese and other toppings on it. 

Before I could get it to my mouth, she snatched it and held it out of my reach. “Because I’m asking how you feel. You’re only attending as… well, an attendee. No monitoring, no calling the shots, no working from the floor.”

She surrendered my cracker, but I found myself setting it down, appetite gone. “I’m okay - “

“Lie.” There was suddenly a finger levelled between my eyes like a gun. Just as quickly, it was lowered, and my sister was tilting her head at me. “Come on. You know you can’t lie to me - I’ve known you longer than literally anyone on this ship except yourself.”

“Fine! It’s weird!” I admitted in frustration, standing to pace and shoving my hands through my hair. “My skin is crawling with anxiety, my hands are twitching to snatch up the files and nitpick everything to the smallest detail….”

“Except they locked you out.”

“Except they locked me out, yeah. But I’m pretty sure I could get Derek to let me in, which is why I’ve made a point to tell him not to, no matter how much I ask.” Dropping my hands, I sighed. “But if I ever want to leave this position, I have to let them do this.”

She shrugged and stole my cracker, this time chewing and swallowing before she responded. “You could have kept some involvement in it, you know.”

“Pfft, yeah right. I would have taken it over, and you know that.”

“Yep.”

“Then why even ask.” I dropped back down on the couch.

“‘Cause you needed to hear yourself say it,” she explained, nonchalant as ever, snagging an olive and watching me calmly.

I sat in silence, processing it.  I hated when she outsmarted me like that, especially when she was right. “Can I at least eat first?”

She laughed and let it go, telling me how well the murals for the Festival were coming.  I hadn’t even gotten to - allowed myself - to see the designs, and the more Tyche talked about them, the more I wanted to see them.  By the time I finished my share of our snack, I decided to check out the progress.

We finally made our way to the decks where the Festival would take place, and I thought Tyche was going to die laughing at the way I gaped. The alcoves where the vendors would stage looked the same on first glance, but a closer look revealed very subtle shapes added that would give them a more savage, wild look in the right lighting. Metal sconces had been added to hold what looked like torches, but with special light emitters to simulate open flame. As we walked further, swirls of color revealed themselves slowly, first in light, curling tendrils, but slowly sharpening and taking on a more angular shape, twisting together into phantasmal images that vanished as soon as you tried to focus on them.

“It’s like walking through a garden, or a rainforest, but when I turn my head, I’m in a city.”

“Right?” she laughed as we came around the final corner. 

At this point, we were surrounded by this mural.  Just up ahead, there was a messy head of black hair tied back with a green piece of cloth. Bare feet and arms show smears of paint, and overalls covered a tank top - that, or the cloth for the hair had formerly been sleeves, I couldn’t tell.  One hand propped up on hips while the other hung down, holding a very familiar paint pen.

“Christ on a triscuit, Vati, this is incredible,”  I gasped softly.

She turned and smirked at me over her shoulder. “Not yet, but it will be when I finish.”

“I mean, all of it. The sconces…”

“Those were Hannah and Ivan.” Parvati walked over and touched one with her finger tip, stroking it gently.

Tyche made an impressed noise. “I’m only a little shocked that he had enough time.”

“The materials are on loan from the engineering departments, and we wanted them to be rather rough in the finishing. It helped. Sophia, no matter how curious you are, please do not lick the walls.”

A giggle bubbled up through my chest. “The thought never crossed my mind. I was trying to put together all the flavor profiles here. It’s… a lot.”

“Forgive me if I focused more on color than how the walls would taste. I don’t generally cook, remember.”

I stared down a swirl of pomegranate, popcorn, and gochujang. The colors - blue, pink, and yellow, respectively - worked well together, but the thought of the flavors made my stomach churn. “I solemnly swear not to lick the walls,” I promised. “How much of this are you expecting to still be up by the third night?”

“We have a team that will specifically come touch up the mural in specific places the morning before the second day.”

Tyche turned toward me and away from her study of the art. “Also, you would be surprised how much paint is on the walls. It will take a lot for Else to eat it all, once they are allowed in the area.”

“Before you ask,” Parvati cut me off. “We just asked them nicely. Well, Sam and Derek did.  They’ve become quite the ersatz diplomats to Else.” 

“Anything left?”

“Hannah is putting the final touches on the curtains for the alcoves and the seating areas. She’ll have a team installing them tonight once I finish.”

It was clever, and explained why she was only touching up part of the mural halfway between now and the closing of the event. “You two have really put your stamp on it.”

“Feel better?” She held one hand up gesturing at the entire entire project, eyebrow arched  to show me that she hadn’t been fooled for a moment.

I rubbed my neck, and glanced at her from underneath my eyelashes. “Busted, I guess.”

“That would imply that anyone had believed your charade,” she smirked.

Taking a deep breath, I looked around us again. “I honestly do. I could never have done all this. Holding on would have…”

“Kept you in a position you frankly hate,” Parvati interrupted gracefully. “It’s the same reason Sebastian went back to the Undine. He’s passionate about it, and it shows in the quality of his work.” When I gaped in insult, she held up a hand. “Not everyone can succeed through fear of failing and a determination that things be done right if they must be done at all.”

“Everyone talking about me needing to retire, like I’m old or something,” I joked, throwing my hands into the air.  “Physically, I’m only thirty-five.”

Tyche nodded to concede my point. “What about the food? I haven’t seen a menu come out yet.”

The change in topic made Parvati’s face collapse. “What? It should have gone out yesterday…” She flicked open her datapad, which flickered from the overspray that covered it. Frantically scrolling, she groaned. “This was scheduled, why didn’t it send?”

“Did you check the date?” I asked calmly. “Specifically the year.”

“Three times, it’s scheduled for tomorrow,” she insisted. “Right here: May seventeenth, twenty-forty aw fuck….”

“At least you got the decade right,” I pointed out. “You wouldn’t believe how many scheduled emails I’ve tried to automatically send out for ten or fifteen years ago.”

She nodded and seemed to get her bearings back. “So, protocol for this is… just send it right now and apologize for the late notification, don’t try to make excuses or explain?”

“Exactly. They won’t care why, they’ll just be excited the list is out.”

With a couple quick gestures, she sent the email and dismissed her datapad. “Okay, that was the last thing, then.” Turning back toward the wall she was working on before, she waved to us over her shoulder. “I’m not trying to be rude, but I really do need to finish this up. Thank you for coming to see everything… it was oddly reassuring to have both of you give us your stamp of approval before the Festival instead of making us wait until after.”

“For the record, you two have always had my stamp of approval, or I wouldn’t have tried so hard to keep my nose out of it.” I knew she couldn’t see me, but I still smiled. “We’ll catch up with you after the Food Festival.  Remember: both of you need to plan on taking the day off afterwards. I’m serious.  Have your unofficial advisors drop in and chat about everything, that’s fine. But no actual work, and I won’t let either of you see the survey results until the second day after. So rest.”

“Got it, boss lady. Have a good night!”

Tyche and I turned and headed back to my quarters. We remained silent as we took in all the preparations that had been done, waving to the handful of vendors who were bringing their supplies in already. Once we were back in normal corridors, the silence broke almost immediately.

“I think they’ve got this,” Tyche suggested nonchalantly.

“Oh, I know they do.”

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