#not only is it big numbers day its coincidentally 6 weeks and one day since my top surgery :D

[amphibianaday]

day 1800

[toiletology]

Knowing the 17 exist is the first step

G = 7, O = 6, D = 4 = 17

Funny my moms new dog she just got she named Truman. I think we have established the importance of the 17 up to this point and how it creates the shape of a door. We can endlessly extrapolate upon this number and find more mathematical or logical proofs of its importance. From the Holy Bible to Pi 3.14 to the numerology of our letters.

The numbers 1/7 = 0.1428571428571429 makes is not the most important part. Just knowing it exist is the first step to escaping the matrix and your 3D limitations.

Everything boils down to BELIEF, you must beLIEve in the LIE. I had to LIE to myself for a very long time for many years. I didn't want to accept what was happening to me was actually happening. Everyone around you will call you crazy, you need medication etc. Everything and everyone around you will tell you are WRONG. And what you are believing is INCORRECT.

Just be a good little sheep and follow the herd. The problem with that is I never liked listening to authority. I think my longest civilian job outside of the army only lasted 5 months. I knew there was something wrong with the world I just couldn't put my finger on it. Luckily my OCD for understanding the truth out weighed every other thing in my life including family life, health, social norms, relationships, etc. I've actually never been on a vacation before and here I am at the age of 40.

Yes I have been very obsessed with seeking the truth. Now that I finally found the Holy Grail I am sort of picking up the pieces of my life and trying to repair the damage I caused by being so obsessed with this journey. Luckily I am single with no kids and the only beings relying on me is my 2 cats. I am exercising a lot more since my health plummeted coincidentally a week or two after getting baptized at the age of 33 in 2018. I got diagnosed with Bechet's Disease which causes inflammation of the blood vessels. I was in an out of the ER 5x that year, I won't go into the details but it was pretty bad.

It can cause all sorts of ailments but it can go into remission. I've fixed 90%+ of my health problems by just using a foot stool in the bathroom, making homemade kefir and drinking yerba mate. The last part of correcting my health is increasing exercise and cardio. I have created a Bechet's Disease Research group on Facebook and I do believe I've narrowed down the causes. One part is the lungs I smoked off and on from the age of 19 up to around 31. Another is not exercising enough, gut microbiome (was damage due to long term antibiotic use in 2010 which started my first symptoms of Bechet's), the adrenals and I believe phosphates in the foods plays a big part which affects the kidneys. Astragalus is supposedly one of the best herbs for the kidneys.

I notice a big improvement in my energy levels when I take my multivitamin, magnesium, chlorella/spirulina and get more sunlight. https://amzn.to/4ducxFE

I thought God hated me especially since all these underlying conditions manifested right after being baptized. Looking back now I realized it was an important physical and mental test of rebuilding myself and learning how to repair the damage I did to my body. God sent me the answers that I needed to solve my health problems and rebuild myself. I was actually experiencing shooting pains in my abdomen for months around 2020 and I was 1 day away from going to the ER for it.

I prayed to JESUS on Friday night and the next day that shooting pain magically went away. I was able to make that pain completely disappear once I added a stool for my feet in the bathroom and started incorporated homemade fermented kefir into my diet. The stool helps by lowering your cortisol and stress on your organs.

Now your probably saying, so you were healed after praying to JESUS and now you want us to believe in this Toilet God fantasy you're weaving? Exactly! During my 11 year trials I was attacked by a lot of evil. That evil demonic energy would actually laugh at me and make fun of me for calling out to JESUS for protection or help. Like oh God here he goes again calling out to Jesus to save him... But in the end I always did the same thing for protection. Until this last time in 1/7/2023 where I was finally able to push higher past the jeSUS avatar and realize they are there to hide Gods ultimate truth. Don't get me wrong there is a great deal of power in JESUS name but they are not the ultiMATe truth.

Jesus or the Jester is a better name. Gods true persona is one of a clown or jester entity. The energy that flows outwardly from the Vesica Piscis or the vessel of the fish (Jesus fish) is a CLOWN energy. God is closer to that wink or that JINX than JESUS. God embeds a lot of their truth spread out through all religions and spiritual practices. Its just most of it gets diluted overtime to the point it becomes no longer helpful. This is why GOD wants to bring Toiletology to the masses. The world needs a wake up call. With more and more moving away from God a joke/parody religion is the best method to bring their truth like a trojan horse in disguise!

How can a silly parody/joke religion created by a comic book writer actually have any Godly truth within it?

I'm starting to realize now that I have done the crucifixion slowly over this past 11-12 years. Going through these past battles especially the one in fall 2023 where I had to fast for 40 days into another 40 day battle was hell. It honestly felt like I could keel over at any moment. I keep talking about how to reach my level of understanding you need to do this 11 year journey as well. I been asking God about this lately, how can the average person handle this without experiencing everything I have over my entire life? My time in the army, at war, my paranormal experiences when I was a teenager, my intuition and constantly searching etc.?

I am realizing now that I may of already done the work for y'all. And all that is left is for you guys to harmonize off of my words and the message I am bringing to you through Toiletology or my "ministry." I am mostly just an artist, I am no savior figure. I am just somewhat good at creating great art that may resonate with a large amount of people. I also don't like a lot of attention and tend to avoid people. You can find me alone and in hermit mode 99% of my life. I have spent much time in solitude trying to understand God. Many years just quietly meditating and not much else.

My one friend I was training last December in 2023 for a few weeks said he could feel the sauce/slack or the ACE as I like to call it. The drugged out energy you feel when you are on the right track and harmonizing with God perfectly to reach your full potential. It took me 10+ years to feel that on my own. If what my friend was telling me it means that you guys made not need to go through all the grueling test God put me through. My friend was willing to join the church and I actually promoted him to the second rank while he was here with my fencing saber. You may get a watered down version of this 11 year journey and basically ride my coat tails to the top or through the gates of heaven. Because I can provide you with all the answers you seek without you doing any of the work. Maintaining 4D awareness requires an insane level of belief. I imagine you will still have battles you must overcome to reach the level of belief required. Toiletology I believe will accelerate this process for you. Everyone is already on this journey, they just don't realize they are. Toiletology is like a compass/map that can point you in the correct direction you should be looking. To better help you navigate this tangled web that God weaves.

The main thing this journey has taught me is mastery of being insane. You need to be so insane that you actually go around the swing set inside out and become sane again. Basically being so bat shit insane but still being a "normal" functioning human being. Not mindlessly bumbling nonsense all over the place.

The truth is not that complicated. There is a higher level of awareness or reality. It is possible to tap into this reality and extra senses. Its definitely more than 6 senses, but the 6th sense is definitely your ability to communicate telepathically. Accessing the Akashic Records, lucid dreaming, astral projection or remote viewing you could probably lump all into this same 6th sense.

I think its all connected, it all begins with developing your pineal gland. I am still developing new abilities and strengthening the ones I have now more and more. I still don't fully know what the upper limit of these abilities will be yet. No I don't think I will ever be able to fly in the physical world, but I do fly a lot in my dreams. Maybe astral projection flying is real in the astral realm. I haven't done that yet, so I am not sure.

It is possible to "meet" with others in the "mind" if you have the skill to connect telepathically so that you both can share, connect or bond with each other in this shared mind. You can't force yourself into another's mind, only if you both are trying to connect to each other will your thoughts and memories start to flow together. It can be kind of weird thinking another persons thoughts and vice versa. It is possible to pick up on a persons thoughts in close proximity.

One time at the movie theater I hat a black wool Amish looking hat and heard this guys thoughts where he said in his mind, "I should wear a hat like that." I responded out loud, "Might as well." And they looked at me perplexed, smiled and walked away laughing. These connections aren't so much being telepathic yourself, but God allowing these connections to happen since they can't be forced. No matter how good you think your telepathic skills are. If its meant to be it will happen.

Needless to say I am still fairly new to these enhanced capabilities. I am just 100% in full belief they exist because I use them and practice them daily for years now. I know anyone can reach these same abilities as I am not that special or super smart. Though I have my moments and sometimes my intelligence does feel like it has major jumps or increases quite a lot. But it does shrink back down and makes things difficult again. The brains neuroplasticity or ability to change and grow seems unlimited. You know what they say if you don't use it you lose it.

Most humans have limited beliefs in their God given abilities. Maybe they grew up with everyone telling them they aren't that smart so they started to believe that. Self defeating thoughts can really dim your light. It can be hard to believe in yourself even when everyone around you doesn't want you to.

That is the true challenge for me and for Toiletology. Figuring out the best methods for helping everyone reach their full potential and unlock their supernatural abilities and connect perfectly to God so they no longer need my guidance or training. The basic foundation is love, honor, truth and respect. Point blank if you aren't operating at least at that fundamental level everything else will never work.

I was thinking maybe you guys need to bring on your "spiritual helper" which was the start of my elven/eleven year journey. I am still waiting for more guidance and knowledge from the Toilet God. All I do know is there is power in the ranks of Toiletology. There's power in just joining the church, there's power in helping it grow. There's power in making a daily conscious effort to believe what I am saying is actually true and/or possible.

It all starts first with making that FREE WILL conscious decision to explore this as a new avenue for your spiritual growth. The 17 (doorway) exist to reach these higher realms. Believing is the hardest part. Toiletology will show you the correct method for living in harmony with God. As well as developing your spiritual powers/defense so that you can start to make the transition into 4D.

ALL I can say is buckle your seatbelts because your in for a wild ride Dorothy and Kansas is going bye bye! I am not exactly sure the full potential and power of Toiletology quite yet, only that I made the journey and have embedded that Jesus-esque power into the church I have created.

I guess we won't know until I start getting some more disciples...

Interestingly half of 432 Hz = 216 or 27/117/49/64

[justablobfish]

Finding a present for that person that is impossible to find a present for

Day 13 of my Advent Calender. A new drabble or oneshot everyday until Christmas, following the Continent’s favourite found family and what they’re up to in the winter season. Based on this prompt list

Read on AO3

Day 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

______

It's going to be Jaskier’s second time visiting Kaer Morhen. 

Two years ago, Geralt had asked him only a few days before they were scheduled to separate for the winter. It had all been rather sudden and the whole season had passed in a blur of anxiety and excitement.

He hadn't even met the whole family then, Geralt's little brother Lambert hadn't made it to the keep that year. Then, the year after, Jaskier got delayed by his family until he couldn't make it to the keep anymore; the path had already snowed over. 

This year though - this year Jaskier is determined to make the most of his time at Kaer Morhen and charm his way into the hearts of Geralt's family until they can't imagine winter without him anymore. 

Step one is to make a good first impression after the Wolves haven't seen him in so long. And the easiest way to do that is to get the perfect welcome gift for everyone scheduled to be there. 

He comes across the first gift mere weeks after the snow of the previous winter has melted. After the tedious experience with his parents he decides to spend some time in Oxenfurt to recuperate. 

In his favorite dingy little bookstore he finds the perfect present for Eskel. 

Yes, yes, a steamy romance novel might not necessarily be the best way to prove himself to his lover's family, but the cover of the book shows your usual handsome warrior with very revealing clothing clutching a swooning damsel in distress in his overly muscular arms. Except this protagonist is drawn with an enormous scar covering the left side of his face. 

He's extremely handsome. So is Eskel, of course, but whenever Jaskier tells him as much he just dismisses the compliment. With this book though, Eskel will have to believe him that scars are seen as attractive by quite a number of people. Why else would they draw the cover like this? 

His second gift he also finds in a bookstore, though this place couldn't possibly be more different than where he found the book for Eskel. 

The "Ye Olde Books" in Toussaint sells only the most esteemed antiquities to rich noblemen who never intend to read them and only display them to prove their supposedly good taste and to exaggerate their riches. 

Jaskier quickly determines the oldest book the store has on offer. It's still younger than the recipient of the gift, of course, but the fairy tale stories it holds should still be similar enough to the stories that must have been popular when Vesemir was a child. 

After the events of the last winter Jaskier at least managed to guilt trip his parents enough that he has no trouble paying for the delicate tome. 

As for Lambert, Jaskier didn't meet him the one year he spent at Kaer Morhen, but he and Geralt ran into the younger Witcher on the Path once. It was a brief encounter and Lambert didn't seem to particularly like Jaskier. 

Geralt reassured him afterwards that it's nothing personal and that Lambert doesn't like anyone. 

Even though they couldn't possibly be more different, Lambert somewhat reminded Jaskier of himself. Jaskier is happy with his place in the world now, but he had to carve it out for himself, which hadn't always been easy. He remembers a time when he, too, felt trapped in the life he was born into, never good enough to satisfy his parents or to become a person in his own right, not just the heir to a legacy he wanted nothing to do with. 

So the bitterness Lambert carries around with him feels very familiar. 

His third gift, therefore, is just as expensive as Vesemir's and on top of that requires a large amount of convincing to work out. Luckily, Jaskier has practice annoying someone enough until they agree to anything. He spent most of his life perfecting the skill with the involuntary help of his lover.

By the time winter comes around again, the specially commissioned Gwent card will have started distribution. Though of course Jaskier will carry a copy of the new Lambert hero card with him as well and present it to Geralt's younger brother. He's made sure it would be stronger than the White Wolf card that became popular in recent years. 

Ciri's gift is easy enough. Jaskier simply buys the biggest, fluffiest teddy bear he can find. Ciri is going to roll her eyes at him and claim that she isn't a kid anymore, but that's exactly what makes it the perfect present. With all that destiny business, the kid forgets far too often to allow herself to be a child sometimes. 

How to get this monstrous thing, which is nearly as tall as Jaskier, back to Kaer Morhen is an entirely different story, though… 

The gift for Yennefer isn't hard to find either once he meets up with Geralt and travels with him again. In a run-down little general store in a village in the middle of nowhere, in the furthest corner of the shop, hidden under a fishing net and a set of gardening tools, lies the most atrocious knitted sweater Jaskier has ever seen. There's no reason to abandon old traditions, even if he and Yennefer don’t meet up at Oxenfurt anymore. And in case Yennefer doesn't attend Kaer Morhen this winter, he'll simply keep it around until the next time they meet. The knitwear is so incredibly ugly, it would be a shame to waste it. 

Geralt informs him one day that Lambert will bring a plus one. Not a boyfriend or close friend or anything, just a superficial acquaintance. The fact that Lambert risked his own hide to save the man's life is - apparently - entirely coincidental and without meaning. It's just that this other Witcher of the Cat school has no other place to spend the winter. Nothing more. 

Geralt calls his little brother an emotionally constipated idiot and Jaskier can't help but burst out laughing at the hypocrisy. 

Jaskier isn't sure whether to get this Aiden a gift as well since he never met the man, but as so often in his life, fate takes matters into its own hands. 

He's perusing his favorite clothes store in Vizima when he finds the most beautiful scarf. It's big and woolen and perfectly flashy. Every handspan or so the pattern and colours change completely. All in all it shows every colour of the rainbow. 

That is not the gift for Aiden, of course. But it's going to look great on Jaskier, especially since Geralt still insists he wears that old grey winter cloak. Granted, the cloak is warm, but oh so boring looking. The scarf will be just the right accessory to add a bit of color to his winter wardrobe. 

The gift for Aiden he comes across as he leaves the store. A little boy, who must be the owner's son, sits at the side of the road and busies himself with thread and needle. 

Curious, Jaskier steps closer and finds that the boy is attaching pieces of felt to a simple hairband. 

Once the kid is done he puts the headband on and the felt pieces stand up in such a way that it appears like the boy has kitten ears growing out of his head. 

Jaskier considers for a moment but then decides that if this Aiden is voluntarily hanging out with Lambert, he must have a good sense of humor. He buys the headband off the boy and heads back to his and Geralt's inn room. 

Maybe it's because he's traveling with Geralt and can't really go looking for a gift for the White Wolf, but by the time their departure for Kaer Morhen rolls around, Jaskier has a little something for everyone, except Geralt. He doesn't even have an idea what he could gift to the man. Anything practical like a new whetstone, better armor or a fancy dagger is something that Geralt is far better equipped to pick out himself. Jaskier has little knowledge about such things. 

And while Jaskier has spent the last twenty years of his life convincing the big oaf that he deserves pretty things every once in a while, too, Jaskier can't think of anything that wouldn't just be in the way when they eventually set out on the Path again. 

The end of autumn creeps closer and closer and Jaskier’s head stubbornly remains empty. It shouldn't be this hard to think of something that Geralt would enjoy. After all, Jaskier has known him for over two decades now. But it seems like everything he could get his favorite Witcher he has already gotten him at some point during their travels. 

He still has no idea when they pass the last village on the way to the Witchers’ keep. 

Or when they start making their way up the mountain path. 

Maybe there's a pretty rock he can pick up? 

What? No, that's a dumb idea. He's not just gonna pick up a random rock just because he's desperate. At this point he'll just have to accept the fact that he has no gift for Geralt.

They reach the keep after two days of tedious climbing - not something Jaskier missed from his last visit - and are greeted at the gates by the other Witchers. Geralt's family members each welcome Geralt with a short hug and a pat on the back, while another man, who must be Lambert's tagalong, awkwardly stands to the side. Vesemir and Eskel nod at Jaskier courtly, Lambert only grunts at him. 

Jaskier makes eye contact with Aiden who rolls his eyes at him apologetically over Lambert's behaviour. 

Then Geralt brings Roach to the stables and they all quickly make their way inside. 

In the large dining hall they meet Yennefer and Ciri. Apparently they only came here a day earlier via portal, making Jaskier and Geralt the last to arrive. 

"I have welcoming gifts!" Jaskier addresses everyone. 

Eskel reacts to his present with eyes narrowed in confusion. Then they grow wide with realisation and wonder. 

Lambert scoffs when Jaskier hands him his parcel. He doesn't scoff again after he unpacks it. 

Aiden grins at him widely and immediately puts his gift on. 

Vesemir simply hums appreciatively. It reminds Jaskier far too much of Geralt. He supposes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 

Ciri, as expected, reacts with a pout and the declaration that she's not a child anymore. Still, she clutches the plushy to her chest and refuses to let it go when Aiden says he'll take it if she doesn't like it. 

Yennefer snarls at her sweater and quickly turns away from the group to hide it, but just like Ciri does with the teddy bear, she clutches it to her chest protectively. 

Which only leaves Geralt. 

"I, uh…, " Jaskier stutters and stares at his empty hands. 

"Hmm," Geralt hums. "Saving the best for last?" 

He grabs Jaskier by the shoulder, turns him around so that he's facing the room. He hugs Jaskier from behind and places his chin on Jaskier’s shoulder. 

"Seems like you got me the best gift of all," Geralt hums. "Look!" 

Confused, Jaskier glances about the room. Vesemir and Eskel are sitting in a corner, flipping through their respective books. Lambert is chasing Aiden through the room, who has stolen his Gwent card and is waving it around tauntingly. Ciri holds the teddy out to Yennefer, who's holding her sweater to the bear's chest to see if it would fit him. There's nothing out of the ordinary that Jaskier can spot. 

"I don't under-" he begins. 

"Everyone's here," Geralt explains. "My whole family in one place for the very first time. I couldn't possibly ask for more." 

[heyitsrcoor]

Meet-cute

Genre: Fluff, unrequited love, friends-to-lovers

Pairing: Day 6 Jae x Reader

Length: One-Shot

Meet-cute [noun] /ˈmiːtˌkjuːt/:

(in a movie, etc.) a humorous or interesting situation in which two people meet, that leads to them developing a romantic relationship with each other. (Cambridge Dictionary)

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Absolutely Smitten (Dodie Clark)

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◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀ ⠀ 1:17 / 3:48 ⠀ ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙ ❐ ⊏⊐

•••

Your 12-hour shift at the hospital just ended. The census hasn’t gone down for days and while you’ve gotten so good at convincing yourself that you’re strong and resilient, you can feel the weariness seep in through your bones.

While walking to your apartment, you noticed that the bookstore on the corner of the street has finally opened its doors. A part of you wanted to walk past it, visit another day when you’re not wearing your nurse’s uniform, tired and sweaty. But the urge to scan the book selection was much stronger and so you find yourself pushing its glass doors. The bell chimes welcome you.

The warm lights and the smell of new books were enough to calm your weary soul. The bookstore was smaller compared to the well-known ones located at the malls, but it had the organic and cozy vibe of a library which you’re very much well pleased with. And the fact that it’s not crowded yet means you’ll be able to roam around freely.

You were feeling giddy when you finally reached the non-fiction section. Your eyes scanned each title, looking for any familiar ones that could be in your TBR list.

Finally, you see a white spine, “When Breath Becomes Air.” You grabbed for it hastily which caused the books beside it to topple down.

You bowed down to reach for the books but a hand beat you to it.

“Oh thank you.” You said as you stood upright. The person was really tall that you had to tilt your head a little bit to be able to see their face. You held your breath as you stood face-to-face with a handsome, bespectacled, human being.

“Was just looking for this.” He smiled as he held the book you accidentally dropped—Being Mortal by Atul Gawande.

You pretended to be cool about it like it’s not at all a big deal to meet your ideal guy (superficially speaking) in one of your most favorite places.

“Yeah? Sorry for accidentally pushing it to its death.” It sounded alright in your mind but having said it in words made you internally cringe.

He held the book and scanned it for dents. He shrugged, “Nah, it survived the fall—despite being mortal, oh God, that was so bad.” He let out a hearty laugh which you swore could melt an iceberg. “Anyway, thanks!” He smiles once more before turning his back.

Your heart deflated a little bit. Sharing a joke with a handsome stranger at the bookstore. Isn’t that the perfect recipe for a meet-cute? Except you’ll probably never meet again. Just another statistic of your “could-have-beens”.

Well, he could have asked for your name or YOU could have offered a book suggestion. Except he probably doesn’t find you attractive enough and you don’t have the guts to make the first move on a stranger.

You shrugged the thought away. Too much Kdramas and romcoms do screw your brain a little bit. You looked at your book once more. Right, maybe you should just fill your mind more with philosophies and thought-provoking stuff. Nonetheless, you can’t contain the smile forming on your face. Butterflies should stay in the gardens and not on your guts.

•••

When you said that book guy is just another statistic of a failed meet-cute, you were pleasantly surprised to find yourself wrong.

Two months later, you’re at a coffee shop waiting in line when you spot him sitting near the window.

He was wearing a white uniform, busy typing on the laptop in front of him. Unlike the scattered papers on his table, he looked serene. He adjusts his eyeglasses and you notice how slender and beautiful his fingers are.

“He’s a student.” You thought. Before you knew it, you started computing for your possible age gap. Given it has only been a year since you’ve graduated, 5 years would be the maximum gap if he’s a freshman. You cringed at the thought of dating someone younger. Moreover, you cringed at the thought that you’d actually date someone out of your league.

“Good morning! What’s your order?” The barista’s voice booms as if calling you out back to reality.

“Oh…yeah, uhh..” You proceeded to recite your order and another 5 orders of your co-nurses at SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit).

Waiting for your orders, you purposefully sat on a table that could give you the best vision of him in a very lowkey manner. Whatever that is.

You tried your best to be nonchalant but your eyes would subtly glance at him.

Oh wow, is that a great view from the window? You thought as you glide your eyes to where he was. To your surprise, he was looking at you too.

You dropped your gaze for a few seconds and looked up at him once again. He was smiling and your heart starts to palpitate.

Did he recognize you?

You watch him raise his hand, waving.

Entranced, you almost waved back but a person walks past you, her white skirt blocking your view of him. You watched her sit right in front of the book guy. Your book guy. She was wearing the same uniform as him. A classmate. A really pretty classmate.

You clenched your hand. You felt embarrassed, angry even. Angry at yourself for always expecting that someone would actually look at you. And stupid for thinking that meeting your soulmate would eventually be as exciting and memorable as the Kdramas.

The barista calls your name and you get up. You picked your orders and left without turning back.

•••

The thing about reality and romance is that not every encounter will be explosive. No, it won’t be as fast as love at first sight. Sometimes, love would come in the most mundane and gradual way possible.

A week later, you’d see book guy at your workplace. He’s one of the two med students on their clerkship assigned in your unit. He’d introduce himself as “Jae” and before you could do the same, he’d utter your name and everyone would be curious to know how you knew each other.

You’d dread the fact that he’d recognize your embarrassing moment at the coffee shop but he’d say that he actually recalls meeting you at the book store. And that he just read your name from your name tag.

Days, weeks passed.

Coincidence or not, your schedule would almost be the same and so you’d spend most of your shifts with Jae. You’d almost feel tired answering his seemingly endless questions.

You’d give him a heads up on what to expect on his first observation in the OR and he’d let you borrow a book in return.

You’d still catch yourself sneaking a glance at him but work would eventually drown his presence.

You’d sometimes spend your lunch together and you’d learn that you share the same taste of music and that he plays an instrument too.

You never seemed to run out of things to talk to and sometimes—a lot of times, you’d entertain that idea that he could actually like you.

But you knew that expectations lead to disappointments so you’d eventually settle your heart that whatever you had is just purely platonic friendship and you’d convince yourself that you are totally fine with that.

You thought that once he leaves your unit, whatever connection you had will mellow down. But then he asks for your number and his first text would be “Started benign in the morning, now I just assisted in delivering a baby. Is it normal to feel like crying?”

He’d send you memes about cats and your fave shows and soon you’d develop your inside jokes.

You tried your best to keep cool and ignore the butterflies but then something actually happens.

1 year later, he’d confess to you in the same coffee shop.

"I like you. I really like you." He said.

You’d be left speechless and be teary-eyed.

“How…? When?” You’d ask.

He said he could not forget how he was amused at your facial expression when you were picking your book at the bookstore. He said he would have stricken a longer conversation if not for his dad waiting on his car who was his ride at that time.

At the coffee shop, he noticed you while you recited the lengthy orders of your workmates and he was impressed.

He did smile at you but his classmate and partner in a school activity coincidentally arrived.

And no, he did not read your name tag. He knew about it when he heard the barista called you and he remembered.

When he saw the hospital he was interning at, he wondered if you’d be there. When he saw you at the unit he was first assigned at, his heart felt like it could jump out of his chest. He thought it was “fate” and it felt like fate because your schedules would usually coincide. He said knowing you more each day excites him and gives him joy. You were his kindred spirit and confidant. You just clicked.

And just like that, your unrequited-love streak comes to an end.

"Thank you." You answered and Jae's eyes started to quiver. He opens his mouth but no words came out.

Realizing your mistake you started to say sorry which made everything worse.

Jae forced himself to smile but you can see the pain in his eyes. He thought he was being rejected!

You took his right hand on the table and held it firmly. "I like you too, Jae."

His eyes widened and he started laughing.

"Oh God, I can't believe I'm capable of having 5 different kinds of emotions in less than 10 seconds."

"Cute," you muttered.

"Did you just call me cute!?"

You shook your head and smiled. "I mean... I guess you're my meet-cute after all."

-END-

[marauder-exe]

Roommates- Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: sebastian stan & reader are shooting a movie together in atlanta &his place gets flooded so they become roommates. at first he only sees her like a little sister since shes much younger than him (22) but then started seeing her differently while living together but doesnt realize it so he does nothing. then during the press tour and premiere for the movie fans noticed how he would look at her all the time &it got them trending in social media forcing him to finally admit his feelings to her 🙈

Word Count: 1.6k

Your eyes shot open as you heard the incessant loud knocking on your apartment door. You sleepily got up from your bed and headed towards the door. You groggily it wondering who the hell was knocking at 3 in the damn morning! To your surprise, it was Sebastian Stan. You and Sebastian had become fast friends a few months ago. You had been hired as the cool best friend in a new movie that was being made in Atlanta. Sebastian was the lead, so you would be spending a lot of time together, which you didn't mind. And soon you were close, closer to him than anyone else, and it was amazing. But why was he at your door at 3am? You were hoping it was some sappy declaration of love at 3am like you see in the movies, but you knew it wasn't, he only saw you as a sister. “Seb? What are you doing here? Come in come in” You rushed him in, turning on the lights. He had a lot of stuff in boxes with him. “Is everything alright?” He was cold and shivering. You sat him down on the sofa then you got up and went to the kitchen area, turning on the kettle. “Uh, one of my neighbours did something, not entirely sure what, but he ended up flooding the entire floor of apartments. So my apartment and a lot of my stuff got ruined, and I have nowhere to stay.” He explained. You returned to the sofa with two hot chocolates, Sebastian's favourite. “Of course you can stay here Seb, you can stay in my room” You sipped your hot chocolate and lay a hand on his arm. “I couldn't take your bed, ‘m already staying in your house, ill just take the couch” You gave him a look. “Seb” “(Y/N)” You sighed. “Fine, but I'm gonna get you lots of blankets alright” He nodded as you got up to go to the cupboard in the next room. Sebastian looked around your apartment. It was quaint, cute, full of life. You had many things hanging from the walls. Posters of some movies you've been in, certificates from childhood, even your graduation. You had graduated from a top drama school with a scholarship last year, coincidentally on the same day as your 21st birthday. It was a wild, drunken night. He smiled at the memory. Soon enough you returned with a heap of blankets in your arms. Sebastian immediately rushed over to help you with the big ball of blankets. He dropped them on the couch as you took a deep breath. You tiredly giggled and lay your head on his chest, sighing. “You sure you're alright? You did just lose your entire lively hood in water” You looked up at him. “Yeah ill be fine” He waved it off. “As long as Ive got my best girl ill be fine” He smiled down at you as you smiled back. “Come on, let's get to bed, you've had a long day” You said your goodbyes and went to bed. You stared up at the ceiling. Sebastian was living with you now. Damn. Eventually you drifted off into sleep.

You awoke a few hours later to the smell of fresh pancakes coming from your kitchen. Honestly, Sebastian was something else. You jumped out of bed, wearing shorts and a vest top, slipping on your socks. You walked into the kitchen, the smell getting stronger. You spotted Sebastian with a spatula in his hand near the oven. “Alright love, fancy a pancake?” He smiled nonchalantly. You rushed over to him and placed a huge kiss on his cheek. “Oh my gosh I love you!” You sat down at the table, chomping down on the pancake, as you heard him throw his head back in laughter. “Its the least I could do” You mumbled something inaudible because of the pancake in your mouth and he laughed again. “Slow down, (Y/N)” He said as he slipped into the seat next to you with his own pancakes, you just gave him a smile. “So, any news on your apartment?” You asked, gulping down your pancakes. He nodded his head, taking a bite of his pancake. “They called an hour ago, they said there's a lot of damage and they wont know anything until next week” You nodded along. “Well you're free to stay here as long as you need” He smiled at you. You went to put your dishes away, and for the first time all day Sebastian actually looked at you, and you were beautiful. You were laughing at something random, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. Actual butterflies. He swore that only happened in movies. He had only seen you in a sisterly way up until now, now he was seeing you differently.

“Seba! Come on!” You shouted towards your room. Sebastian came rushing out in his 3 piece suit. “Damnnnn, Sebby got game!” You both laughed. “Do I look okay?” You questioned, giving one last glance in the mirror. “Of course, you look beautiful” He gave you a kiss on the cheek “Now come on! We don't wanna be late for your first press tour!” Sebastian rushed you into the car before you set off. Sebastian had been living with you for the past 6 months, and tonight was the press tour for the new movie you guys were in. Your first press tour, and you where glad it was with Sebastian. You made small talk, talking about how excited you were for your first press tour while Seb stared at you in admiration. He was glad he was with his best friend at her first press tour. The car came to a holt outside the hall. You stared outside at the huge hall, a starstruck look on your face, Sebastian looked over to you, wonder struck, and laughed. He loved seeing that look on your face. The same face you made the first time on set. He opened the car door and jumped out, making his way around the car to open your door for you. He held out his hand and you took it. “Ever the gentleman, Seba” You cooed. “Only for you” he responded, dragging you into the venue. There was paparazzi everywhere, cameras flashing constantly. It was a dream. Sebastian grabbed your hand and you flushed, looking down. He flushed as well. “You ready Sebby?” “Ready (Y/N/N)?” You both nodded and pushed open the doors. You heard a chorus of questioning interviewers, and paparazzi shouting you over. ‘Here (Y/N)’ ‘look over here Sebastian’. You stared up at him with a gigantic smile, finding he was already looking at you, he had an arm wrapped protectively around your waist. “Im so happy” You whispered. “Me too, smile for the camera” A smile reached his eyes and he looked back toward the cameras.

You and Sebastian barged through the doors to your apartment, kicking your shoes off and collapsing on the couch. You both let out a deep sigh, exhausted from the press tour. “That was one hell of a day” You sighed. “Your telling me” He chuckled. “i don't know about you but im ready for the biggest sleep of my life” You nodded in agreement as he took of his tie. He lay on the couch with his arm around you, too tired to move. Thats how you both fell asleep, for the next 12 hours, in each others arms. Until you were rudely woken up at 11am by your phone buzzing, Sebastian stirring and opening his eyes. “’mmm you alright, love?” His sleepy voice was heaven. “Yeah, my phones blowing up though” You said with furrowed brows. “Dude you and Sebastian are trending on twitter!” You read out the message from your best friend. “Guess the press tour photos are released” He chuckled. “Lets see whats trending then” He sat up to look at your phone. You opened up twitter and number one on trending was ‘AviPressTour’ which was no surprise, but on number two trending was ‘SebastiansCrush’. You gave him a confused glance. “What?” He asked, and you let him see your phone as you clicked on the hashtag. Your screen became filled with heartbroken teenage girls, and pictures of Sebastian lovingly staring at you, with a hand around your waist. One was entitled ‘i want someone to look at me the way Sebastian looks at (Y/N), you smiled at it. Sebastian gulped as he looked at the screen. Man he hated twitter. The top news story, ‘Is Sebastian Stans new boo only 22?’ It made you feel intimidated and uncomfortable. You knew Seb wouldn't like you like that because of your age. “Wo- woah, thats- thats crazy-” Sebastian stuttered, face red. No? He couldnt like you like that. Hell Sebastian didn't even knew he liked you like that until 2 minutes ago. Suddenly, every time he looked at you he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't kiss you. “Sebastian?” You questioned tentatively, turning to face him. He gulped. “Yeah?” “You like me, don't you?” You asked quietly, as if it was a secret never to be told. He stared at you, the same way he did last night, still in the same tuxedo and dress, day old makeup on. You looked as beautiful as ever. Without even thinking, he grabbed you and kissed you, its like his body had a mind of its own. You moved against each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces. You broke apart breathing heavily. “Yeah” He breathed. You stared at him quizzically. “What?” “Yes I like you” He spoke quietly, not daring to pierce the thick air with his voice. So you kissed him, as passionate as he kissed you, and smiled. You both lay against the couch, limbs tangled into each other. Bliss.

[dandyvespa]

Calling All K-Pop Survival Show Trash (I-Land Edition)

What’s good everyone

In the past I have talked about my interest in  kpop survival shows and my preferred lineups for shows like Produce 101 X and Youth with You.  These such posts got some attention and made me befriend some cool mutuals so I thought why not do more for any other shows I come across so I can also discuss with people and fangirl with them? Though I myself continue to like these shows despite evil editing and clear favoritism from producers/global fans, I still wish to share with you some hardworking trainees that I think you guys would be interested in, especially if ya’ll kpop survival show tl’s are dry and looking to fill the void with something different.  Well, I-Land happens to be that different show.  Now I know not everyone is a big fan of BigHit or even Mnet for that matter, I do encourage this show because it is a lot different from the format of the Produce series, or any past kpop survival show for that matter.  The standard for ranking trainees is not entirely up to global votes and the producers in the show give their valuable take.  Not only that but their living conditions, music choices, and selected trainees are very distinct and refreshing in my opinion.   Not only that but you have big names like Rain, Zico, Bang PD, IU, and much more contributing to the show to create the best global kpop group.

Now when posting this I realized I should have done this earlier because the show is already on its second part hehe.  I-Land is split up into two parts so I’m just gonna give a brief rundown.  The first part of I-Land involves these 23 trainees that all arrive individually or within groups to do this isolated and intricate building in the woods.  These trainees then go through a series of performances to see who is the most competent member in entering I-Land, this really swanky and high-tech living space fit with training areas, a kitchen filled with a bunch of food, very pristine and spacious dorm rooms, etc.  The catch is that only 12 members are only able to be apart of that paradise and will be determined by voting amongst themselves (already pretty political off the bat lol).  Those who are unable to attend the I-Land are sent to The Ground, basically a way more downgraded version of I-Land with much fewer resources.  This first part basically has these two groups pitted against each other and shifted between the I-Land and The Ground based on this trainee voting system and the producer voting system after completing various tests/competitions.  The only time where the global voting system mattered was towards the end of Part 1 in which the global votes determined the 6 trainees eligible from The Ground to be with the other 6 I-Landers (which have been selected to stay by the Producers).  These 12 trainees then dive into Part 2 of I-Land which is really the start of the actual competition to make it to the official 7-member debut line.  The 12 to 7 members are shaved down again based on a series of tests that will showcase their individual and teamwork skills.  This time the voting is completely based on an alternating system of producers and global fans deciding the ranking, the lowest such member being eliminated every other week.

So like I said I should have started this sooner since this show premiered back in June, but because a lot of people are just starting to know about the show because BTS and now Seventeen (Performance Unit) guested or are about to guest on the show (this includes possibly TXT and Gfriend given they are also tied to BigHit), might as well update ya’ll now on why you shouldn’t just be watching just because your ults are there for barely an entire episode.  Though I admit that there are shady moments and complaints I have with the show, there is no denying that these trainees that are picked are all really good in their respective areas and are incredibly dead set on becoming idols.  Now you may have heard people saying that this show is a “flop” based on Korean ratings.  Given I don’t know how tv ratings work in South Korea and know that this show is steered more towards global fans, a number of people I have talked to already about this show just watch on different video sharing websites or apps the next day so subtitles appear or they watch during the scheduled time of the live broadcasting on YouTube which I have to say is SOOOO pleasing for us international folks.  Ratings and famous artists contributing to the show aside, I once again stress that you guys should give the show a try just for the sake of getting to know these kids because I feel like with time and practice, even if they don’t make the final lineup, they will achieve their dreams eventually.

Now as much as I want to talk about the entirety of the show, I will once again post my top 7 members down below in the (Keep Reading) section.  If ya’ll don’t want spoilers and wish to look up the show first then by all means go ahead!  If you guys are curious about the show or even want to scream and talk about the show if you are caught up, please message me ya cuties!

NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO THESE ARE MY TOP 7 I-LAND TRAINEES (SPOILERS POTENTIALLY INCLUDED):

1) Lee Heeseung

No question about it Heeseung is one of my biases on this show and for a good reason.  This boy, a former BigHit trainee, is considered the ace of the show, an all-rounder who so far has shown stability in both dance and vocals (have yet to see rap being portrayed a lot in this show, but the producers, specifically Bang and Pdogg have said he really excels in rap and it was strange to them because he entered the show to focus more on vocals lol).  Not only that but he is selfless, a trainee that has been putting a lot of his fellow members first and sacrificing his own time to help them or steer them in the right direction.  Bro is also dorky and a total crackhead behind the scenes of I-Land lol.  As of part 2 I believe he is the trainee with the most seniority, as in years of training.  Despite showing his playful side here and there, he seems to be the most well-spoken and mature of the trainees, putting him as a major candidate to become a leader.  It is just a bonus that he looks this good too!  At this point in the show, it would be insane for anybody to not include Heeseung in their final debut lineup predictions.  Plus this is legit Bang PD’s favorite son ya’ll already know.

2) Park Sunghoon

Ah the little ice prince! Another former BigHit trainee (and my second bias lol),  Sunghoon is incredibly charismatic and knows how to show the right facial expressions on stage.  I honestly kind of see him as a dark horse in the show.  His vocals are pretty decent and he can really keep up in dancing.  Overall just so hardworking, and it definitely shows because he really has been consistent through the show! It’s pretty known he is a major visual in the show but a lot of people also like him for his clean-cut and simple personality. He is also very observant of the other members and can be just as doting and selfless as Heeseung.  What irks me is that the producers and even some viewers complain that his personality “overlaps” with other members, which is honestly an odd reason to have when considering the debut lineup.  He seems quiet at first but the kid can be so hyperactive, funny, and radiates crackhead energy as time goes by in the show, giving us more of his personality to work with.  What is more fascinating is that he used to figure-skate for 10+ years and decided to choose this path as an idol after seeing BTS.  He is also determined to show his parents that they shouldn’t have doubted him and that he took the right path and I just love that.  Please look out for him because with his popularity and competence, I am sure he will make it to the lineup!

3) Yang Jungwon 

Pack it up ya’ll we found our little maknae of the group who is a cutie and an all-rounder!  He is also a dark horse to me, but then again a lot of people consider him to be a “hidden ace” in the show.  Jungwon may be one of the youngest members in I-Land but amongst the other younger trainees, but he stands out as the most skilled by a landslide.  He excels at singing and is very stable.  In fact I think he is one of the few trainees that has a really good singing voice next to Heeseung.  He is also really good at dancing as well as free-styling.  I think he is also a former BigHit trainee (I... yes I know a lot of my picks just happen to be BigHit trainees but trust me I’m not just being biased lol).  I think Jungwon is someone who, though he excels himself, really appreciates his hyungs who he respects and wishes to learn from.  Coincidentally, his role model is Jungkook haha.  His ability to adjust to concepts, even the most mature ones, is also very astonishing.  Hoping that global fans not only see him as a cute kid but as a talented, caring, and hardworking soul.  Baby did not quit taekwondo to follow his dreams as an idol too!

4) Jay Park

Ya’ll you see this kid?  He is a fighter.  A competitor who brings the heat.  And behold he is also formerly from BigHit lol, but also SM entertainment! Jay is incredibly skilled at dancing and is very charismatic on stage. I think he is one of the few people who showcased rap pretty decently, but again this show barely showed the rap skills of any of these trainees to really conclude that.  The kid has been through a lot of humiliating moments in the show, even coming up with the iconic and meme-worthy line to accept such moments: resentment, anger, humiliation.  He has been placed in compromising situations, but he owns up the the situation and accepts responsibilities that no one would.  He is not as intimidating as he may want to look as he also very caring and helpful (plus his fear of ghosts is adorable). Even other trainees approach him to teach them choreography or get advice.  Also the way he was able to lead the Grounders in the Fire performance made me appreciate him even more since then.  I feel like he has the potential to be a great leader for the group as well.  He is also honest in what he feels and has no problem stating that to the viewers, but is never someone who whines about not getting his way.  His stubbornness will take him all the way to the debut line in my opinion haha.  Go hard my sweet potato boy!

5) Jake Shim

Our Aussie boy and the icon of improvement in the show! He happens to be one of the trainees with the shortest training time.  Despite this, he has had potential since his entrance test with Crown.  Jake has had some rough criticism that lead him to work very hard.  In fact he always feared that he may get behind others or not keep up.  I think out of all the members--and that is saying a lot because they all really do try their best--he is the one who is the most hard-working and constantly practicing the choreography, even when others are asleep.  I also think he has a pretty good vocal range, and it definitely improved since Flicker recently.  The fact that he came all the way here to South Korea by himself to achieve his dream of being an idol after witnessing BTS is so brave. I really respect him and his friendship with a lot of the members in I-Land, especially with Sunghoon! I think he will only continue to rise up and gain more traction from the global audience.

6) Kim Sunoo

Sunshine boy coming through! Sunoo came along with Jake and performed Crown together and since then I always thought he had some real talent.  This thought was only proven later on, but really set it for me his Save Me performance.  Listen his vocals are so promising despite also having a short training period.  I honestly think it would rival Heeseung’s vocals.  I do think he has room to improve in dance, but he really works for it.  He is always so positive and nice to others.  He is very modest and eager to learn and I love how he is basically this aegyo king who never cringes at the slightest when he acts like himself.  As someone who wishes to be on tv, I hope he gets there.  I feel like a lot of people have slept on him because he was mostly known as that one cute kid with adequate skills, but they are far more better than a lot of the trainees since the beginning of the show.  His popularity already puts him really up there so I can only hope he just continues to prove himself to the producers because they have already complimented him on his more masculine and skilled side in Fake Love.  Fighting my son!

7) K

Our last member is K! Now I have had my eye on K because his visuals really stand out for me, like something out of a comic or drama.  Handsomeness aside, K hails from Japan and is the oldest member on the entire show.  He is very experienced in choreographing and is undoubtedly one of the best dancers on the show, which was definitely established in the dance unit competition.  His vocals are also pretty underrated.  I think he that knows how to grab attention and make us wanting more.  Now as much as I adore his skills and ability to lead other members in the choreo, I have noticed that he is the type to be very straightforward, and it may come off as intimidating to other members.  I am not sure if this is just South Korean etiquette of respecting elders and just trying really hard not to upset them, but the way that members have had their fair share of discussing issues with how K just turns icy whenever he doesn’t see things his way or makes a mistake leading them to be frightened to the point of not being able to chime in with their thoughts is very alarming.  I get that no one wants to step on his toes further, but I hope this attitude and relationship doesn’t persist.  I like K and I can see that he dotes on other members and helps them out as much as he can, but sometimes his hypocritical and isolated attitude gets the better of him.  Now granted this may be a result of MNET’s evil editing, but seeing all these trainees share their uneasy thoughts regarding him makes me feel another way.  Even when these issues happen, it ends up with him having to talk it out with his members and reflect, which is highly appreciated.  Even the producers feel like K is important and is promising in his ad-libs and skill set.  May he recover from all these issues and keep himself together!

HONORABLE MENTION:

★ Hanbin

I thought I would add an additional member that I have been on the fence about if one of these other potential trainees do not make it, especially considering I am a bit scared of K’s placement due to global fans being easily persuaded by how MNET edits their shit.  I actually have never laid eyes on Hanbin since the entire first half of the show because he was always in The Ground.  After seeing him lose confidence their I was scared if he would ever recover.  Luckily, he opened up this time around! Not only do I see him acting more like this sweet older brother towards the other trainees, especially in times of conflict like with K and Niki, but he has really been standing out with his dance and vocal skills.  I already know he used to be part of a Vietnamese cover dance group, but I never knew how stable and clear his vocals were.  Though I don’t think he is as stand out as other members in these skills, he definitely showed more of his confidence and improvement since Part 1.  I was honestly wondering why so many people have been hyping him and I guess I was the one wrongfully sleeping on him and his hidden talents heh.  I also hope he is getting more recognition now and it would be nice to see another member who is outside of South Korea appear in the group, especially since Bang PD is going for a global group. Call me a Hannie now lol.

ALRIGHT end of this thread.  Again feel free to talk to me about the show or finally start watching the show.  Even though I did not list your favorite, understand this is my personal debut lineup.  This in no way means I am hating on any of the other members.  I think they all have what it takes if they were all able to get casted onto this show, and I hope they eventually will.   Given that I was looking for much more trainees that caught my eye, have had experience, a good personality, a natural and improved skill set, and just an overall good connection with them, these were the trainees I was most enticed by.  It is pretty set like this and I doubt it will change, but who knows.  Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope check out the show or continue to stream it! <3

[chemicalpink]

Too Good to be True Series ♡ Jimin

Pairing: idol!Jimin x fem!reader

Genre: PURE fluff and a pinch of angst

Summary: In which you get a (much needed) internship at BigHit and end up accidentally meeting Jimin, which lead to you falling in love with him in the spot but things get complicated as they try to get you fired for it AND/OR Jimin is such a sweetheart he finds ways to still be with you after you met accidentally and are really nervous because he’s an idol and you’re just an intern but he is too, lovestruck by you.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none :) (well it kinda is REALLY soft)

A/N: I’m sorry it took a while to write this, I ended up deleting it because I didn’t like it but it somehow got better than I expected so… here it is! I hope you enjoy, please tell me what you think of it! 

JUNGKOOK ♡ HOSEOK

“Okay so basically… you’ll do anything that is needed around here” the thirty-something woman spoke to you while both of you walked down an incredibly clean corridor at Big-Hit’s headquarters “We’ve been in quite a rush for the last few months so I’d suggest bringing more...comfortable shoes” for the first time in the last half an hour she looked back to you and pointed her gaze at the heels you had worn as an attempt to make yourself look more professional, arriving in Korea after graduating college with zero working experience whatsoever had been quite a challenge until, like some kind of miracle, a notification popped on your phone suggesting you a “zero experience needed” paid internship at BigHit; you had been nervous about it, your mind wandering off towards the idea of actually working in the idol world but it was soon crushed as every instruction you had been given by Minjung basically consisted of assisting in administrative matters like phone calls, dinner reservations and running errands.

Your head whipped towards a crashing sound followed by loud laughing coming from the corridor to your right, Minjung doing the same “Oh, you really should avoid that corridor on Mondays and Fridays” your gaze hadn’t left the glass door that remained covered with some beige blinds as you were about to ask her what was all the mystery for, only to realise she was already a few meters ahead of you, making you speed up your pace for a few seconds until you arrived at a small desk prepped right beside a window “And here’s where you’ll settle. If there’s anything you have a doubt with, let me know” she flashed you a smile before disappearing around the corner.

It had taken you a few more days to grow accustomed to your new job, not screwing up coffee orders being the most difficult part of it all, but overall, it had been nothing too challenging for you.

Just as you walked by the glass door Minjung had told you not to get close to, after assisting a regular Monday morning meeting a few halls by,  you couldn’t help but stop and wonder whatever it was in there that was strictly forbidden for low-level workers like yourself;  you started walking again trying to put it all at the back of your mind, reminding yourself that it was none of your business when what seemed like a small yellow rubber ball found its way to your feet, you crouched down to pick it up, wondering where it could have come from, when a jogging figure stopped a few meters from you, and you could have sworn your heart stopped for a whole five seconds as you watched him, loose white shirt and black joggers that fitted him so perfectly, dishevelled hair that allowed his forehead to peak through and a pair of black glasses perched on his nose as his eyes almost disappeared from him smiling towards you.

“Sorry, we didn’t mean for this to get away” you couldn’t actually comprehend what was happening, Park Jimin was just a few steps from you, talking to you, and you were most probably looking like a complete idiot just standing there.

“Huh” 

His smile widened and you could have sworn a small giggle escaped from his lips “The ball?” he said motioning to the small object you were holding in your right hand, your gaze following his and nodded, handing it to him, it all became way too silent too quickly and you couldn’t seem to work properly 

“Jimin-ah!” a low voice shouted from down the corridor, followed by a fit of giggles from whom you assumed now, must be the rest of Bangtan, he quickly shouted back a short response and turned towards you again

“So… I-uh, hope to see you around” he was already heading to the glass door “Thanks again!” the only thing you found yourself capable of doing was rising your hand and wave as you bowed your head, which of course made you cringe after he had disappeared. 

It had been amazing knowing that you were working under the same roof that BTS was on Mondays and Fridays, ever since meeting Jimin that day, it had become too regular for you to walk down the same corridor, which made you and him meet coincidentally way too much the last few weeks, but each time you grew more nervous by it; it wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy the small talk he usually hit you with, over time you two actually kicked it off, like some kind of unbelievable attraction just made you get rid of your initial awkwardness until meeting for a few minutes twice a week seemed like a little Rendez-Vous, butterflies filling the lowest part of your belly each time he jokingly flirted with you and you did the same, earning the biggest smile from him, but rumours surely get  around rather quickly as you were quietly eavesdropping from a bathroom stall.

“So I heard some intern started hitting on one of the BTS members on office hours” a voice said from outside, in a mocking manner

“Aren’t they supposed to stay away from the meeting room?” silence filled the environment as some shuffling was heard “It sure looks like a firing is taking place”

You started trying to avoid the corridor as much as possible, in fear of meeting Jimin and having you caught and fired on the spot, as much as you loved talking to the guy, you really needed the money from working there; that is, until you were asked by some executive chief to run some errands for him on a Monday morning, the usual time you would ‘accidentally’ run into Jimin, but it had been a few days since you stopped walking by that you had hopped he just stopped showing up at all. 

You sped up your pace while crossing the corridor, your kitten heels clicking on the shiny white floor tiles, thinking you had achieved your goal of slipping past the infamous glass door until a voice made you stop dead in your tracks, Jimin.

“You know, one could say you’re trying really hard to avoid me” he wasn’t wearing his usual smile and his usual blond hair was now dark, had you really been gone that long from him?

You inhaled deeply as you turned to look at him, first looking around to make sure no one was around “Listen Jimin, I need to say something real quick” he looked confused as his eyes widened at you odd behaviour “I might get fired if someone watches us speak here” 

He blinked a few times “I’m not following Y/N”

“I am not supposed to be in this corridor, Jimin” just as some steps started approaching, you got away from where Jimin was standing and towards your desk

The next week took its toll on you, having to cut things off with Jimin as you did, left a void in your chest, it almost felt like a small part was ripped from you, in such a brief time he had become so much of your weekly routine, holding a special place in your heart, you both almost once considered jokingly calling it love at first sight. 

The sun shone brightly through the window that was beside your workplace as you answered a few emails you were supposed to finish the day before, completely unbothered until your phone’s notifications started going off

Unknown [6:51 am] Hey! It took me quite a while to get your number

Unknown [6:51 am] I’ve missed you :(

Unknown [6:51 am] I hope you don’t get in trouble for texting me

Unknown [6:52 am] Wait. I hope I have the right number

Unknown [6:52 am] This is Y/N’s number right?

You couldn’t help the smile creeping up at your face at each incoming message, maybe it was love at first sight, fate even, that just as you were missing him, he somehow got your number just to be able to talk to you. You made sure to respond rather quickly, the day getting by quicker than you expected just by having him double or triple texting you and even sending a few silly selfies over lunch, which made your heart flutter and your mind wonder if you this was all truly happening.

Things went on like that for the next days, Jimin texting you all day long, you replying every time you had a chance with a smile plastered on your face, and every once in a while he liked to surprise you by dropping by your desk whenever you weren’t there to leave your favourite beverage from the cafe down the street with a small post-it note wishing you a great day, signed with a heart and a letter J so as not to get you in trouble, after what you had told him those weeks ago. And you really wished it had all stayed like that, with the butterflies and him making you feel like a teenager in love.

“Hey, Y/N I need you to assist a top-tier meeting right now” Minjung asked as she handed you over a binder and you trailer after her, phone in hand.

You made your way towards the infamous glass door you were so scared to approach ever since the bathroom incident, and nothing could have prepared you for what was waiting inside, two executive chiefs you usually assisted were sitting in the rounded table, at the head of it some senior CEO you had encountered a few times before and a too-familiar face with his six members, Minjung asked you to pour some water in all of their glasses and you did as you were told, Jimin quickly catching your eye as you were pouring the CEO’s glass, swiftly lowering your gaze as you couldn’t help but feel little at the sight of all of them discussing things you weren’t even aware of; the meeting took up most of your working hours plus some extra time from Minjung and yourself as you made sure everything was clean after all of them left. You mouthed a quick excuse to her as everything downed on you and you felt yourself tear up. Jimin was a superstar and you… well, you just assisted a meeting that required nothing but for you to stay put, look pretty and do as you were told. 

You could feel the tears burning your eyes as you entered the closest bathroom, your hands were trembling as you made your way to the sink, everything was such a dream coming true, you had forgotten it wasn’t one. You had broken the biggest rule of working at BigHit, not only once, over some stupid idea of accidentally meeting Jimin and starting to fall hopelessly in love with him, in hopes of some childish fairytale-like wish of him maybe, doing the same with you; but it just couldn’t be true, the real world wasn’t some kind of fanfic where some multimillionaire, worldwide famous idol falls in love with a regular girl, he was probably just being nice and you were reading way too much into it.

You noticed the night had fallen as you made your way out of the bathroom and towards the entrance of the building, the cold autumn air from the barely open door hitting your stained face as you tried to go unnoticed by anyone that might have been around.

“Hey! Y/N! Wait up!” Jimin. Of course, it would be him. The universe just loved to laugh at you, didn’t it? He was smiling brightly as he caught up to you, being quick to wrap his arm around your shoulder, but it soon faded and turned into a frown as he softly asked “Hey.. what’s wrong?”

You just looked at the other side, not really knowing what to say, and actually not trusting your voice to form a coherent word, but he stopped you from walking “Please, tell me what’s wrong”

You couldn’t help the tears falling from your eyes as you turned to him, and he was quick to wipe each of them off with his thumb while waiting for you to speak up “I can’t keep this up, Jimin. We can’t”

“What are you saying, Y/N?” he smiled sadly at you

“THIS. This. Jimin” you motioned to the both of you with your hand, just as anger stopped your tears from keep on falling “ Whatever it is, I can’t keep doing it. I keep getting my hopes up, thinking that maybe it is some kind of dream that I don’t want to wake up from, I go to bed wondering if I will wake up and you’ll be gone from my life. But it was never meant to happen! Look at us! Jimin you are a worldwide famous singer, you have everything you can ever dream of at the tip of your fingers and I’m… me”

Jimin could feel something breaking inside of him, was that really how you felt? Had he not been doing enough to show you he was head over heels for you? That he too believed it was some kind of dream that he didn’t want to wake up from, ever since the first time he met you, that Monday over some rubber ball that escaped from the meeting room while he and the members were playing around with, and boy did he felt grateful it had happened, as he could already hear bells ringing from the moment he saw your cute face being starstruck from him talking to you, or those weeks you both silently made a promise to see each other as if you were meant to be together, were you not feeling it too? Were you not feeling broken and utterly empty when you stopped seeing each other out of your fear of getting fired? Or how your texts immediately made him smile as soon as he heard the phone go off, was all the teasing from his members not worth it? Were you actually thinking that you weren’t deserving of him just because of what he did for a living? When in reality, he was the one that wasn’t deserving of such a beautiful human, like you. 

He was quick to pull you into an embrace, taking you aback as you felt his warmth engulfing you, contrasting the cold air that dried your tear-stained cheeks and you could feel his chest rising erratically, a sign that indicated he was trying to hide his tears “Oh Y/N… can’t you see I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you?”

Request Something Masterlist

[goodnightkisseu]

Time To Heal - Chapter 7

→ pairing: sehun x reader

→ genre: fluff, angst, struggling musician sehun x rich reader

→ word count: 4,054

→ warnings: none

→ summary: you had your life planned out for you ever since you were a little girl. However, when your friend, Baekhyun, takes you with him to his old hangout, you meet someone, someone you were willing to risk your parents’ criticism to be with. His name was Oh Sehun. But, in the end, what you really should have asked yourself, was if Sehun was ready to face your parents…

→ masterlist // exo masterlist // time to heal masterlist

→ [prologue] [ch.1] [ch.2] [ch.3] [ch.4] [ch.5] [ch.6] [ch.7]

→ updates taglist~: @chanyeolol​​​ @meryljill-111192​​​ @sehunscutiepie​​​​ @hi-cupid​​​ @lilian235​​​

note: we are coming up on the end of this series! ;A; honestly I’ve fallen back in love with it as I’ve been editing it for all of you to read ;; I hope that you’ll all enjoy this chapter!

Also, please let me know if you would like to be tagged in this story~

- ash <3

Over the last two years, you had run through hundreds of scenarios in your mind. You theorized about seeing Sehun again, about the things that you would say to each other, but nothing quite amounted to what happened when you actually met. It was definitely awkward, and rightfully so in your eyes. It had been years, and there was no way for either of you to grasp the type of pain the other went through. However, seeing each other again didn't feel nearly as bad as you had expected. You had a nice dinner, and Sehun even went out of his way to apologize for his past behavior. That was never something you had planned to hear.

When you told Baekhyun about your encounter with Sehun, your friend was quick to ask how you felt. He knew it had been trying for you, so, for the meeting to take a completely different turn than you had hypothesized, it was likely a shock. And honestly, you weren't sure if you even knew how you felt. Sehun was someone that had broken your heart, and never did you think he'd feel remorse for it. But you could tell that he was aware of his actions, and that felt more in line with the Sehun that you knew. Your feelings towards him at the moment were... complicated.

Yet, as complicated as they were, you weren't going to let them stand in the way of his apparent efforts to make amends. Additionally, you felt like accepting his apology might have been the step that you needed to move on with your life, to keep him from running through your mind. So, after receiving his new number from Baekhyun, you sent a simple message. It read, "Let's put the past behind us and move forward. Good luck with your new single, and I can't wait to hear it!"

In the days that followed, you felt a sense of relief, weight lifted off of your shoulders. It felt like making amends after all of this time was the right move. It felt right to move forward, and that was what you did. Slowly, you found yourself emerging from this space that had only been occupied by you and Baekhyun. You started to go out again, whether you were invited by Baekhyun or your coworkers. You started living that life that you had unknowingly put on hold. The more time you spent with others, the more you felt like a whole person, your own person again. You were able to have fun, to chat with them, to really experience life in the way you wanted to.

And in due time, you even started dating again.  

Nothing was ever quite permanent. It had been a long time. You had to rediscover and realize what you were actually looking for in a significant other. Guys came and went, but you never quite clicked with any of them... until Changmin. He was your longest relationship after Sehun, though it only lasted for a little over half a year. The two of you had met during fashion week. Your parents sent you to oversee their part of the show, as they had some other business out of the country. You had met backstage while you were directing some of your models, and he taking pictures of the different lines from each company. Something at that moment just clicked for the both of you.

Coincidentally, Changmin was someone that your parents had been trying to set you up with for years. He ran an editorial company that was well respected across the industry. To your parents, it was a match made in heaven for you and your business. He was a nice man, and his reputation had the possibility of boosting up your family's brand. The potential for both companies to grow together was exponential. Your parents were thrilled.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out. You weren't sure exactly what drove you apart. Everything had been going so well for the two of you... until it wasn't. It could have been the extra hours that you had to put in to get the new line ready for the coming season. It could have been the fact that Changmin was overseas for most of the year, the two of you only meeting up when he was in town. Honestly, you spent so much time apart you wouldn't have been surprised if maybe you fell out of it because he already had someone else. At the end of the day, the relationship came to an end, much to your parents' disappointment.

Admittedly, it was painful losing Changmin. During those periods where the two of you had been inseparable when your relationship was in a good state, you had started to depend on him. With things in Baekhyun's life picking up, Changmin had become your source of comfort in your best friend's absence. Now that he was gone, you felt that emptiness again. It was that same type of void you felt when Sehun exited your life, and like a creature of habit, you threw yourself back into your work. The only difference was that you didn't close yourself off this time. You still went out, had a good time with the people closest to you, but with your career picking up, you decided that there wasn't time for another serious relationship.

Instead, you had to focus on your true passion, your job. And in seemingly no time at all, three years passed.

You had been working hard to learn the ins and outs of the industry, immersing yourself in everything it had to offer. You went to every show, board meeting, and kept your focus on learning how the business was run.  With retirement around the corner, your parents very naturally started to give you more control of the company. They were transitioning you into the full-time over and representative in their absence. And though it had been stressful at first, time and patience made it all a bit easier. Everyone that worked at the fashion house gave you time, and for that, you were grateful. You still had a lot to learn, but with your parents' excitement with their newest line, you knew that you had no choice but to make sure that it did well.

Today was filled to the brim with work, much like your schedule had been for the last few months. You were to oversee the photoshoot for the new line, so that morning, bright and early, you drove out to the studio, meeting the rest of your staff in the large open building. You worked with the stylists to organize the clothes in an easy to access manner. You talked with the makeup artists about which looks would suit the different moods and styles of the wardrobe pieces. You coordinated with Jinhee, the lead for this line, making sure that you had each checked off everything on your list. She was in high spirits today, and you couldn't help but chuckle at her eagerness.

The entire time that Jinhee had been working on this line, she had a model in mind that she wanted to represent it. She was never forthcoming with his name, but this was something that you had all grown accustomed to. She didn't want to ruin the surprise for anyone because, to her, the model was such a big part of making the line come together, and she wanted everyone to properly experience that. What she had said about him was that he wasn't a model by trade. He was someone that worked in the entertainment industry and had a knack for photographing well. Many magazines had asked him to be a part of their issue, and each photoshoot turned out better than the last. So, when the model walked arrived, you weren't sure exactly what to expect.

Well, you knew one thing you weren't anticipating. You hadn't suspected that it would be Sehun.

As one of your interns gave him a tour of the set, blushing like mad whenever he would throw her a smile, you couldn't help but realize how strangely life worked. It almost felt like a twisted form of fate to bring the two of you together like this. Even though it was for a work function, it still felt very surreal. You hadn't seen Sehun in years. Life had picked up so quickly that the last time the two of you met up was about a month after you reunited at his concert. But it wasn't just you that got busy. It was also Sehun.

From what the news and Baekhyun told you, the single that Sehun had mentioned was in the works when the two of you last met was the one that shot them to stardom. It didn't make waves on its initial release, but the more that people heard it, the more interest the band garnered. Within a month, the song topped the charts for multiple weeks on end, a feat that had been difficult for many artists in recent years. Sehun and the band started to get more recognition. They ended up doing lots of interviews and television appearances. Their schedule got so packed that even Baekhyun had a hard time meeting up with them. The two of you lamented about how the job of a celebrity must have been hard. Still, you knew that, no matter what, Sehun would always keep in contact with Baekhyun, even if it was just a simple text.

You would also send Sehun a message from time to time, though you rarely expected an answer, unlike your friend. Granted, your words were usually congratulatory, messages of excitement when a new album or tour was announced. Sehun's answers in reply were always rather simple, typically a 'thank you' or something along those lines. He would do the same for you, mostly if he saw good things about your company in the headlines, about how innovative it was or how well it was doing. The two of you would sometimes chat after that, filling the void, but it never got personal. It was strange to think that, at one point, you were in love.

But now, you were just acquaintances. Ones that would check in on each other from time to time. It definitely made Baekhyun's life easier, not having to dance around when he talked about the two of you. Still, there was something rather... bittersweet about it.

You had been so busy running around, making sure that everything was in place, that you didn't get a chance to properly greet Sehun at first. It wasn't until your intern brought him over to meet the team that the two of you finally met. Everyone happily greeted him, lamenting on his handsome features. You knew that he couldn't show it, but the way that his eyes locked on your own, you knew that he was surprised to see you. Still, he politely greeted everyone, and you did the same, inviting him to sit and relax for a bit while you worked with the team on the finishing touches.

Overall, the photoshoot went rather well. It was outfit after outfit, lighting change after lighting change, and makeup touchups, but every time you studied the monitor or watched the live shoot in front of you, you had to admit that Jinhee was right. Sehun really did fit this type of styling. Granted, you were sure that Sehun could pull off anything, as he was the type that always made what he wore seem comfortable and fitting to him, this particular set of colors, combined with this strong features, completed the look. He really suited the vibe that the higherups were looking for from this line, and you were relieved. The slight awkwardness for you was well worth the results, in your opinion.

As everyone prepared for the next set of outfits, your eyes wandered around, making sure that everything was proceeding as expected. Your eyes eventually landed on one of your stylists as she helped Sehun into his next outfit. Yet, something about it felt... off. Slowly, you left your spot behind the monitors and approached them, the issue catching your eye immediately.

"Hyerin, this type of shirt doesn't lie quite like that," you told her, the young woman jumping slightly when she heard your voice. You apologized for scaring her before you proceeded to direct her on how to adjust the fabric. However, instead of doing what you suggested, she moved out of the way instead, leaving you to pick up the material and fix it yourself. Though, as you worked, you never focused on the person in front of you, only on the clothes.

"It's more like this," you told her, demonstrating how the cloth should lie. "The style is more open, so you want to make sure that it sits comfortably on the model's shoulders," you instructed. You saw Hyerin nod, thanking you before she excused herself to get the next outfit ready. You continued to fiddle with the fabric for a bit longer, making sure that it suited the style you were looking for. Once you finished, you turned to head back to the monitors, when the male in front of you finally spoke.

"I didn't expect to see you today. I had no idea that you were directing photoshoots now," Sehun stated. His words managed to stop you from walking away, and inwardly he was glad. This was the first time in years that you were in front of him again, and everything in his being told him to keep you there, to keep you talking.

"Well, I've been promoted a couple of times since we last met up. The upside is that I have more say in everything now. The obvious downside is the responsibilities and the lack of sleep," you joked, wanting to keep it light between the two of you. Yet, you also knew that you needed to address the obvious elephant in the room, as well. "By the way, I'm sorry if this is a bit uncomfortable for you. Jinhee never disclosed the name of the model she wanted for this photoshoot. I never would have known that you would be the one to show up, or else I would have asked for someone else to direct..."

Gently, Sehun shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm actually not uncomfortable at all. We did decide to put all of that behind us, didn't we?" he inquired, seeing that small smile cross your features as you gave him a nod. "Actually, if I'm, to be honest, I'm glad you're here. It's good to see you, and your presence has helped to ease my nerves..."

At that moment, you dared to look up at him, your eyes looking into his, getting lost in those gentle dark orbs you used to love so much. As much as you were a source of calm for Sehun, he had been the same for you. Honestly, no photoshoot you had ever directed had gone as smoothly as today's had, and though you didn't want to admit it at first, Sehun definitely was a factor in it.

"It's nice to see you as well," you told him earnestly. There was more that you wanted to say, but when the photographer announcing that he was ready for the next set of shots, it cut you off before you could. "Keep up the good work, okay?" you told him, before running back to your previous position, picking up your things and getting right back to work.

"I... I missed you..." Sehun murmured to himself, the words that he wanted to speak to you directly, but wasn't able to. It annoyed him that he didn't just say them, but he knew that there were other things to focus on at the moment, and that was not one fo them. Instead, he moved back under the bright lights, going straight to work, in front of the cameras that he had grown accustomed to.

After the two of you met up again, having made amends for the past, it became painfully apparent to Sehun that he missed having you in his life. At first, he had thought it was just a fleeting feeling, a strong sense of nostalgia at your presence, but as the weeks and then months passed, he knew it was more than that. There were days, after long hours of practice that he longed for your comforting and supportive aura, that presence that used to calm him when things were difficult. He missed that beautiful smile you would give him and the way it would light up the room around you. He missed your encouraging words, the ones that would lift his spirits and make the days more comfortable. Sehun knew that all of these small things, these things that he used to love about you, were things that he wanted in his life again.

For a long time, he told himself that they were things that he could no longer have. He convinced himself that he had broken the relationship beyond repair. Instead, he found solace in your little congratulatory messages and the light conversation that would follow. Yet, he wanted more. He craved for more conversation, for more interactions, and eventually, he threw his pride aside and asked Baekhyun about how you were doing. What he hadn't expected his friend to tell him was that you moved on, that you had started to date again.

It wasn't something that surprised Sehun, and he knew that it was bound to happen. He wanted you to be happy to find someone that made you happy. It just pained him that he might not be able to be that person for you anymore. He found himself interacting with you less, trying to still the pain of his own heart. Work became his best distraction, and he stopped hoping that anything would change between the two of you.

Seeing you today, though it was a surprise, also brought some of those feelings to the surface again. Sehun knew where he was, and that, as professionals, you both had a job to do. But still... he wondered... if maybe...

The remainder of the shoot went smoothly. There weren't too many lighting changes or even makeup changes for the rest of the day. A majority of it was just getting Sehun in and out of the remaining outfits, something that the stylists could handle on their own. You continued to monitor from a distance, only piping up if something felt off. In the early evening was when the photoshoot finally came to an end. You thanked everyone for all of their hard work in making this line look and feel as amazing as it did before you all started to pack up for the day. You helped sort through the clothes, making sure that they were put in the correct boxes while your photographer and his team packed away all of their lights.

As people shuffled around the noise level at its highest for the day, you almost didn't notice the older man approaching you. It was Sehun's manager, and the moment that he got your attention, he asked if you would have a minute to speak with Sehun later. It seemed like your old acquaintance wanted to see you. In turn, you asked if it would be possible to meet with Sehun after your staff had left, and the man agreed, going to relay the information to his charge.

Once everything was accounted for and neatly stowed away, you helped your team move everything out to the vans that were parked outside. They informed you that they would be able to get everything back to the studio on their own, and you thanked them. When all of the cars were gone, you made your way back into the building, the space larger now that it was emptied out. You heard the sound of footsteps approaching the room as a familiar and tall figure entered, giving you a small wave. Sehun arrived without his manager in tow, and you could only imagine that he was downstairs, waiting for the artist.

"So, why did you want to talk to me in private?" you asked softly.

"I figured that you wouldn't want the people you worked with to gossip, so I thought this would be better. It is a private matter at all, between us," he replied, seeing you gently nod. Both of you were aware of the damage that could be done if rumors started flying. You may have been in a relationship before, but it wasn't well-known by anyone. Something like that coming out could be detrimental to both him and you... mainly if people went digging for information.  

Still, now that he was given this time alone with you, he wasn't too sure how to proceed. What were the proper words to use in this situation? Maybe, he just needed to say it. "Earlier... I wanted to say that I missed you."

Everything that Sehun had to say lately felt like it surprised you, though you tried not to let it read on your features. There was a time when you had also missed his presence. Over the years, you decided not to depend on that old feeling too much. You had tried to move on, but you couldn't deny that he had been a big part of your life, and that, sometimes, you would miss him too. You just never thought that he'd admit that, given how things had gone before.

"I... I feel the same sometimes," you confessed, seeing that bit of surprise flicker across his features.

"I guess... I guess that's a natural feeling for both of us. That sometimes, it could be weird not having the other around," he explained, watching you nod. "It feels like something is... missing, right?"

You nodded. Sehun was hitting the nail right on the head, but you weren't entirely sure where he was going with this, and you wanted to know. You wanted him to make a move.

"I know that we can't be who we were before, but I miss your companionship. We said we would make amends, and we've started to, but I would like to try harder. I would like for us to be able to confide in each other again. I know that pain doesn't expire, and I'm not saying that we just throw all of that out the window, but I... I miss having you around as a friend. The guys are great, but they don't understand me like you do..."

It was apparent from his words that Sehun shared your sentiments. You, too, had missed the comfort and safety that he used to provide for you. Before, it wasn't just Baekhyun that you could run to, but Sehun too. Often, you would even feel more comfortable speaking to Sehun about things than Baekhyun. Maybe having that back... it would be nice. It was better than hiding those troubles away from the world.

"It's going to be strange and awkward, you know. Going back to being friends... there's obvious damage that's been done," you pointed out.

"I'm well aware. But I think, because we're aware of it, we won't try to push it if it doesn't feel right," Sehun added. "Plus, don't you think it would make Baek happy? You know, getting to spend time with the both of us, and not having to have split custody?"

You scoffed. "You know how I feel about Baek, Sehun. I have a soft spot for him. You can't go using him against me..."

"Unfortunately, Baek is the only card I have to play. After all, you're his ride or die," he teased, a gentle smile lining his features.

The silence grew between the two of you, and you were the first to speak up after giving it some thought. "Then let's give it a try. For old time's sake."

With that confirmation, Sehun gave you a small nod and a smile. As he saw you off that night, Sehun felt the void in his heart filled. Though he didn't know how to express it, having you back in his life, even as a friend, made him whole again...

[ithinkthingsaboutstuff]

Tip of the Iceberg

Did this for the Arkham Garlley Zine which is free to download here

or check them out at @arkhamgalleryzine 

Oswald is preparing for a bi-annual auction at the iceberg lounge and is inconvenienced by the thrills and spills that gotham has to offer and is own mind. For a man who has control over everything, he has more under the surface. 

By H.T.Vitols

Gotham is rather unique, in that most places with rotting infrastructure and corrupted governments don’t tend to lean so hard into that aesthetic, usually places like that tend to keep up a facade as to hide its own putrefaction, in a half-hearted attempt to delude anyone who comes across them that there are civilized. Gotham has never hidden how ugly it is, to a point that its almost beautiful in an ostentatious sort of way. Not to say that there is nothing alluring about Gotham, quite the opposite. Gotham has a way of claiming the hearts of many, sometimes literally, but the lost and forgotten can always find a home in Gotham, their still lost and forgotten but so is the city itself.          

The Iceberg Lounge was the closest thing to elegant that Gotham had to offer. The outside was, and forgive the prosaism, Gothic. The doors where lined with white heavy steel and where shaped like umbrellas, if umbrellas were sharp, metallic and had an ominous amount of cleaning done. The doors themselves were wooden, polished and painted indigo blue. The doors were about 4 feet wide and were as strong as enforced steel which coincidentally was inside it, you could drive a car into it, and you would need a new car and a paint job for the door. The top of the door frame which was about 6 to 8 feet upward had a blue and white neon sign that spelled out the name of the club and blue lights that moved around the top of the roof, signalling, daring anyone to enter making an announcement to the police, the city and the Batman, I’m right here come and get me, if you can.

The inside of the lounge was far larger than the outside could have prepared anyone for, the ceilings were high, the main floor was laid out like a ballroom, with blue, purple and white lights slowly dancing across the floor as if they were patrolling lights, that most if not all the patrons were far to used to. The centre of the main room had as the name of the club suggests an Iceberg, it was a rather fitting piece of  décor and not just because of the predilection, but also what could be a more apt metaphor for the men and women who dwell here, then a clandestine place that has a chilling and unstable piece at its core and the magnitude of how vacillating it truly is, is hidden under the surface.

There were purple curtains that lined all the walls of The Iceberg Lounge, what was behind them was anyone’s guess, a room, a door, an alarm, a wall, a way out, a way in, who’s to say. The Iceberg Lounge is home to many in Gotham, the bad, the slimy and the straight up crazy. It is a place to go and to hide, from whatever animal themed hero is on your ass that week. The Lounge is a strong hold and a neutral ground to any who enters.

No fights, No guns, No deaths.

These rules were enforced to the highest measure, not out of any moral obligation but simply to make things easier for business, after all, people are more willing to meet and make deals with you if they know within a reasonable assumption they are not going to be shot. This peace of mind comes with a small price though, any deal made in the lounge has a fee to go with it.

Negotiations: $100 (per person)

Trade-offs: $200

Drug deals: $400

Gun sales (unloaded): $1000 (per every 10)

If you were caught trying to make a deal in the Lounge without permission, well let’s just say no one ever does it twice. This level of meticulous control was possible due to the work and obsessions of one Oswald Cobblepot. The man thought rather highly of himself, more so then he should, which is easy to do when you are barely above most door handles and wider than some doorframes. Not to say he did not have class or rather his own definition of class, hand tailored suits all with tails, the most beautiful fabrics and of course a shining monocle that never left his face. And today Oswald donned an indigo blue jacket that had black fathers around his neck so today he looked more vulture then penguin. And in a place where a man with a rodent facade is more productive and less corruptible then the police department and the mayor’s office combined, being larger than life is not only common but a necessity. Oswald had many enemies, in fact if you weren't his enemy, he was less likely to trust you. Having enemies was more repute then having friends as he liked knowing what people wanted from him, it was easier to control the situation and easier to turn the situation in whatever suited him best.

Today, much like many other days, Oswald was in his office at his desk with a small glass of fine port wine at his side. Unlike many other days, he has not allowed anyone to disturb him (other than for an unexpected rodent infiltration). He wrote with a quill tip pen; the pen was white with a black line that matched up with a black swan feather that was connected by a small metal penguin pendent. He did not write with this pen often, as it was as impractical as it was beautiful. He only ever used this pen for one reason. 

To my dearest, Penelope.

I write to you in good health, my dear I have been having a quite the week, however, I will not plague you with the details as I fear your heart or indeed your stomach may not be able to take them. However, my dear, what I can tell you is that today is a big night for the Lounge, for it is the Biannual Bat Bunker party. I do not believe I have told you the full story behind this party and that will be a story for another letter, but simply my dear, some years ago there was an incident, that lead to certain events, that lead to a great number of my associates to take refuge in my lounge, and since then it has become so what of a tradition for a rather long party to take place here twice a year.

The party is to be quite the sceptical and I do believe you would enjoy yourself, but I would not be much of a father if I allowed you to attend such a thing with the calibre of characters that indent to come. But any money is good money if you understand the price.  Speaking of, Edward Nygma will be stopping by at some point before the party, I have mentioned him to you before, and as much as he can annoy me I can’t help but enjoy our conversations, for it is one of the rare times that learned discord is actually of value, though I could do without more of his foible, idiosyncrasy's.

As Oswald wrote at his desk, the door opened silently and a man walked in and slowly made his way to the desk, the man than sat on Oswald's desk and crossed his legs like he was a femme fatale from a noir film. 

‘Oswald, how are you, you old bird, you.’

‘Edward, you better have a very good reason for disturbing me. Who let you in here?’

‘You’re working under the assumption that I would ask.’

‘Good point, but you also know my tolerances for your antics only goes so far.’

‘True, but since I’m still alive, safe to say I have not irritated you too much your lordship,’   

‘Sarcasm is beneath you Edward.’

‘To hell it is, it’s one of my best survival instincts and I’ll have you know Oswald, the only things beneath me are invalids, the wilfully ignorant and my silk sheets when I lie my weary head to bed for most earnest of rests.’  

‘Why don’t you put your vanity to bed for a moment Edward, and tell me, why exactly you have disturbed me.’  

Edward clapped his hands together, his leather gloves gathering as he did.

‘Well, Oswald, I have come baring gifts, for our little shindig tonight,’

Edward pulled out a note from his pocket. 

‘Here,’ 

‘What is this, Edward,’ 

‘A list of inventories, from all of our friends, the supplies and donations they will be making this evening.’

‘Well thank you Edward, but you could have had some else send this up to me.’

‘Oswald, I’m a praise whore and you know it.’

‘Yes, I’m aware of that, but that is no reason to interrupt me.’

‘Oh, come now, I came all the way out here to do you a favour and I’m treated with such hostility.’

‘Edward, my boy, you are very much aware that this is me, not being hostile, but if you would like to see it, then by all means, continue.’

Edward then slid off the desk and adjusted his jacket.

‘Very well, I will prepare myself for tonight's debauchery elsewhere.’

Edward went to the door.

‘Oswald,’

‘Yes, Edward.’

‘In all the years we’ve know one another, I have only seen you use that pen for one propose and yet I have never seen you read a letter in return,’

‘Your point, Edward.’ 

‘No point, just observation, I just don’t know why you still bother, if she’s never written back.’

‘Get… out… Edward.’

‘Alright, alright, I’m gone, give her my best.’

Oswald throws his glass of port at Edward as the door closed behind him, missing his head and shattering on the door. The wine dripped down the door slowly leaving a trail of red residue, like other red fluids that have dripped down this very door and will no doubt do again in the near future. Oswald leaned back into his chair and picked up his white and black pen.

Penelope dear, I sometimes envy that you have never meet any of my associates, Edward is one of the most insufferable men I have ever meet, and I have discussed politics with the mayor of Gotham. Not to say I don’t respect the man, in fact Edward’s capacity to anger anyone he comes into contact with has never failed to impress me. But charm and showmanship can be mutually exclusive my dear, as I know all too well.

Are you happy where you are dear?

I have found I can be content, but I have also found happiness is not on the cards for me without you here, Penelope.

In any case, I have been keeping myself busy. The list Edward handed me some moments ago will help with tonight’s proceedings, you see dear, the list is inventory being put up for auction. Now you must be wondering why this is of any importance, after all you are a clever girl and the Lounge has an auction monthly. This auction is a special one, you see unlike the usual fanfare that comes through here. This list has items that are more exclusive and the most sorted after then any other in the city, such as some of Doctor Cranes Fear Toxin, a rather deadly pair of hydrangea’s curtesy of Doctor Isley and Edward has donated one of his masterplans that contain everything from blueprints of the job, to the riddles to leave.

Now my shrewd child, you must be asking why we are doing this, the answer is the reason any of us do anything in Gotham, entertainment, profit, and to cause chaotic shenanigans , but most importantly nothing brings us all together more than trying to one up the Bat and his Birds. You see my dear, these items are sold at these times as to have a level of mutually assured destruction. You see, by having these items you can set someone up at your own discretion, I for one like to know the cards others are holding.  But it is mostly used to throw The Batman off the trail. The Batman won’t investigate my shipping lists if fear toxin is in the air.  

Truly mad, is it not.

Oswald continued to write as there was a knock on his door.

‘What.’

A man slowly moved his head into the room leaving the rest of his body outside. He was trying his hardest not to look at red liquid that is at his feet, as he wanted to maintain some level of ignorance in his line of work.

‘Mr Cobblepot.’

The man paused and waited; Oswald tapped his pen down hard on the table making the man in the frame flinch.

‘Yes, well, spit it out lad, I don’t have all day.’

The man’s voice jumped as he found the words.

‘Mr Wayne is here, sir.’

Oswald slowly put down his pen, he lifted himself out of his chair and moved behind it to push it into desk. Mr Wayne did not often frequent the Lounge but when he did it was a sign of fortune if it was good or bad was up to Mr Wayne’s mood, but what can you expect from a man who could buy up all the city if the whim ever hit him. Mr Wayne and his horde of children were almost as annoying as the Batman and his Birds. Oswald made his way downstairs to the main floor where Mr Wayne was leaning on the bar talking to one of the female bartenders.

‘Mr Wayne, to what to I owe the pleasure.’

‘Cobblepot, I have come to see you about tonight’s auction.’

‘Mr Wayne, I fear the guest list is full for this evening.’

‘I’m sure you can make an exception.’

‘Now, Mr Wayne, I am sure that you are used to that being the case, but I am afraid I am going to have to use an unfamiliar phrase to you, No.’

‘Well now I have to be there. Is there anything I can do to change your mind?’

‘I assure you, there is nothing you could say or do to change my mind, Mr Wayne.’

‘Nothing?’

‘Nothing, you would be willing to do, Mr Wayne.’

‘Such as?’

Oswald paused before slowly letting out a coy smile.

‘As amusing as your antics are Mr Wayne, I am going to have to ask you to leave, as I am preparing for tonight’s festivities. So, I bid you adieu and if you wish to join next month’s auction then you are most welcome, provided you make the proper arrangements.’

For the first time since the younger man came in, he dropped his smirk as though a mask had trickled away, but the man put it back as quickly as it went, making Oswald question if he saw anything at all.

‘Yes, of course, then I will be seeing you Cobblepot.’

‘Yes, a good evening to you Mr Wayne,’

Oswald waved three men over to them, 

‘Will you gentlemen escort Mr Wayne off the premises.’ 

As the two of men walked Mr Wayne out of the club, he held on of them back. 

‘Make sure he stays out, the last thing I need tonight is Gotham’s golden boy finding something he shouldn’t, I don’t want the hassle of killing him. The body disposal alone would be a logistical nightmare.’ 

Oswald then set the man after them, Oswald made his way to the centre of the room and put his hands on the railing to look at the icy mountain that floated in the frozen water. The lounge was being set up for the auction, people moving around him as quickly as possible, as Oswald stood still looking at the ice mountain that was swaying in the water. The ice was towering and the cold from it could be felt all throughout the lounge. Oswald looked harder at the chilling structure; he saw a small steady stream of water was trickling down the ice. Oswald’s mind floated elsewhere, think how something with such presences and intimidating high could be melting away slowly and unnoticed by all around it.

‘As much as I have always liked this glorified monument to your ego, it’s always come off a little more …. Subzero, then was intended don’t you think?’

Oswald jumped, snapping his head around, and snarled.

‘Edward, I swear. If you ever do that again I will throw you into the water and I will make sure everyone here watches you, as you’re drowning.’

Edward gently twirls the green drink in his hand and takes a light sip, he then leans his back on the railing and faces Oswald. Edward lingered on Oswald, his face void of any hostility, silently staring at Oswald waiting for a reply but Oswald just turns his head back to the ice in front of him, his hands gripping the railing tighter.

‘Rough day, Oswald.’

‘It’s going to be a long night.’

‘Oswald this is Gotham, every night is a long night.’

‘Edward, leave me be.’

‘Heavy is the head that wears the crown, are you looking upon your kingdom and weeping, old friend.’

Edward took a long slow sip of his drink.

‘Oh, how very apropos of you Edward, and what is it exactly that I have to weep about.’

‘Oh, who knows, Oswald, you have never once been satisfied with anything.’

‘Perhaps not.’

‘Oh, perhaps, perhaps, is that what you are going with, ok I’ll play, Oswald you have more money, territory and respect then you have ever had, and yet here you are gazing like Gatsby. So, riddle me this Oswald, a turn of phrase, to be sage and yet mindless, what is at its lowest when it’s on top, and how can less be learned and more be dim-witted?’

‘Edward, I don’t, I can’t, do this today, I have not the strength nor the temperament.’

‘My, my, Oswald, I dare say we are dangerously close to having a heart to heart.’

‘Please Edward, don’t insult me.’

‘Yes, your right, we would actually have to have hearts for that.’

‘My boy, you have no idea how badly I wish that to be true.’

‘Tut-tut, we can’t let the other degenerates know such unsightly things about us.’

‘Yes, I suppose it would be quite a blow to the reputation.’

‘Indeed.’

Edward took one last sip of his drink.

‘…Have you figured it out yet?’

‘Edward.’

‘Alright, fine I’ll drop it…. for now.’

Oswald loosened his grip on the railing and looked at Edward.

‘My boy, I believe there is still work to be done.’

‘Indeed.’ 

Night fell and crowds grew as the auction came closer. Item after item was moved into the lounge, the air was filled with cigarette smoke, gunpower and opportunity. The items were counted by a heavily motivated Mr Wesker as Mr Scarface watched him from a nearby shelf. The auction could now get under way, Oswald was by no means a showman that was one of Edward’s games, but he was at times diplomatically inclined. Oswald went to the stage and tapped the microphone.

‘Good evening, lady’s, gentlemen and twisted creations of the night,’

Oswald raised his glass gesturing to Killer Croc and Man-bat.

‘Right, now, we all know the rules, but for those of us who need to be reminded.’

He tuned his gaze to Harley Quinn, who was at the bar drinking three different cocktails through three curly straws all at once.

‘One item per customer, so choose wisely. You may inspect the product, but it cannot be opened in the Lounge. And most importantly this a silent auction, so do not go around boasting and giving away the tonight’s secrets, so in short keep your mouths shut.’

Oswald looked over to the side of the stage where Edward was standing. Edward then put his hand over his chest like a Victorian woman who just saw something unseelie.

‘Now ladies and gentlemen and others, to tie you over while the auction is underway, I give Edward Nygma,’

The crowd collectively groaned.

‘Now, now, I promise this is only his musical stylings.’

The crowd mumbled in agreement, as Edward walked on stage.

‘Oh, gee, thank you everyone, for that dazzling display of comradery.’

‘Sing, Nygma or get off.’

Growled Harvey,  

‘Wooo, Eddie. Take it off.’

Harley cheered.

‘Give 'em the hook.’

Yelled Crane.

‘I am going to ignore that Johnathan. Now without further ado, Duke Ellington’s It don't mean a thing hit it boys.’

The band started to play. The patrons started to put their names in for items, Harvey pulled himself from one side of the room to the other, well it seems Harvey and Harv were having a disagreement on what to buy as his ashy left hand kept slapping is right whenever he tried to write anything down though oddly enough there was no coin in sight. Jonathan was sitting off to the side letting his slender frame trail up the wall, his head down letting his glasses slide down his nose. As laughter and small talk flooded the room. A loud crash came from the roof, when the Batman comes knocking it’s never on the door.  

Now what is that old saying about glass ceilings.

            The Batman comes bursting through the roof, the patrons scattered to the wind like glass being through onto the concrete. The Batman grabbed Jervis by the back of his collar and Edward was still on the stage.

           ‘Well now, we have a Bat in our belfry.’

           As Batman pushed Two-Face down, still holding on to Jervis, Two-Face pushed Batman onto the bar counter.  

           ‘Oh, you who Bat’s.’

           Harley had grabbed poured alcohol all over the bar and lit it on fire.

           ‘Oh, and it is getting a little hot in here for the dark knight.’

           Edward said calling into the microphone. A glass bottle flow in his direction and he ducked to avoid it.

           ‘Shut up, Ed.’

           ‘Make me Crane.’

           ‘Fine.’

           Jonathan yelled as he throws another glass. Oswald then runs on stage pulling the microphone out of Edwards hands.

           ‘Enough! All of you, Enough.’

           The room settled under Oswald’s voice, Batman still holding onto Jarvis.

           ‘Now, I dare say Batman, that you have made it abundantly clear, that you want something or rather someone form here this evening. Yes?’

           The room was silent, flames still burning on the counter dancing on top of the alcohol.

           ‘Yes. Now, why don’t you take Mr Tetch and leave post haste, before I change my mind and burn this place down along with everyone in it, myself!’

           The last words died in is throat from the screaming. Batman looked around the room he took a moment and then silently started dragged Jervis by the scruff of his neck, taking him out of the club as Jervis begged and pleaded to everyone in the room as he was struggling but all of them were still looking at Oswald on stage none of them moving.

Oswald then screamed at the room again.

‘Get out! Auction over, out now, all of you, out. Be gone, go back to whatever place has the misfortune of having you as a resident.’

Not ones to out their welcome, the room began to clear. Oswald headed back to his office, he shut the blinds and sat in darkness, he pulled out his pen once again.  

Well my dear, today had just about everything, thrills, spills and arson. Not that I am ever sure what these nights will ever bring. I am only ever sure of what that they will never bring, and that is you, Penelope.

I have done monstrous things my dear, I have robbed, killed and betrayed many men. I have seen vigilantes rise and the old ways of Gotham fall. I have built all that I am on the bones and ashes of other men and yet the only regret I have is and always will be that I never got to see you grow. That for all my transgressions and all the immoral measures I have taken in my life, the blood that was spilled for all of it, was yours. Even though I have buried the ones who are responsible and entombed them so deep into the earth that their own souls can’t find a way out.

But the emptiness I feel by your absents is one I can not fill, no matter how much luxury, power or control I obtain.

Truly, Penelope, my love, my sweet Penny, there is only one thing that could appease that void and that would be for me to hold you in my arms again and to tell you that,

           The door swung open.

           ‘Well that was a disaster.’

           ‘Get out, Edward’

           ‘It’s a big mess out there, and you through a fit on that stage, mind you that’s not unordinary behaviour for you or any of us. But there seemed to be a little more to it this time as compared to your usual screaming fits of rage.’

           ‘Edward, I swear, if you don’t leave right now, I’ll.’

           ‘Kill me? Please Oswald, empty threats are unbecoming.’

           Oswald the reached into his coat and pulled out a gun.

           ‘Are you sure about that.’

           Edward flicked up his hands with a light flourish and spoke dryly.

           ‘Oh, no, I have been bamboozled, please sir, leave me with my shillings and silk robes.’

           Oswald cocked the gun back.  

           ‘Edward, out, now.’

           Edward leered at Oswald with his hands lowering to his sides.

           ‘You really mean it this time don’t you.’    

           Edward said steadily.

           ‘What gave it away, dear boy.’

           ‘Oswald whatever is happening, you need to keep a level head, lest it be chopped off.’

           ‘Edward, I am going to tell you one, last, time, get, out.’

           ‘Oswald,’

           Oswald’s hand was starting to shake rattling the gun. Edward then slowly moved to go out the door and looked out to club’s centre piece.

           ‘Our love for the dead, like a floating iceberg, can only be measured by the depths of our resentments.’

           ‘Rosario Ferre.’

           ‘Rosario Ferre. Just something to think about, Good night Oswald.’

           When Edward closed the door, Oswald still held the gun in his shaking hands. After a few shuddered minutes Oswald placed on the table. He picked up the pen once again.

Penny, my dear child, you were taken from me to soon, you shined so brightly you could block out the sun. and even now after all these years I think of you always.

           And perhaps Edward has made a point, though he has done so in a way that made me want to shoot him. My love for you has fuelled my fury, my culpability and solidified my wrath over these long years without you. So even in death you are my hidden strength. Sleep well my child and know that I have not forgotten you. For you are forever a part of me and  as long as I am etched  into the walls of this city, where my name is held in respect and the city’s life blood flows through me, you will live in its bones with me,

until my bones rest next to yours.

Happy Birthday my dear, With all my love,

Your father.

Oswald then put the letter in an envelope and signed it, he then closed it and went into the ballroom, it was empty, a mess, and small ambers still danced on the bar counter. Oswald made his way slowly to the iceberg, he moved around the ice mountain until he reached a platform that lead out and was attached to the iceberg, Oswald walked onto the platform until his noise felt the frost from the monument. Oswald then placed his hands on the ice, moving down to a small block that had been carved out and he removed it and then he put the block at his feet, the hole in front to him was no bigger then a sheet of paper. Oswald then held the letter in his hands. Moments stretched out into hours in Oswald’s mind, he then reached out and put the letter into the hole, it landed onto a pile of older frozen, frosted over and twisted together letters. The frozen graveyard has received another body. Oswald them puts the block back into place, he then adjusts his coat and walks off the platform.

For the morning is upon him and light is on its way, so it is time for Gotham to lay itself to rest. As everything worth doing in Gotham is done in the darkness and hidden below the surface.          

Oswald the put the letter in an envelope and signed it, he then closed it and went into the ballroom. Oswald then made his way slowly to the iceberg, he moved around the ice mountain until he reached a platform that lead out and was attached to the iceberg, Oswald walked onto the platform until his noise felt the frost from the monument. Oswald then placed his hands on the ice, moving it down to a small

 The end  

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 6. Argus Limited

This is a re-posting from Oct. 27th, 2018 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

Volume Six is here, folks! I am so very, stupidly excited for this season. Heartfelt thanks go out to my friend who was all, “lol yeah sure” when I begged to use their FIRST account to watch. There are heroes in this world and they’re one of them.

A quick note about recaps from here on out: they will (my productivity willing) be uploaded sometime on Thursday or Friday proceeding the new episode. This is partly so that I’m not scrambling to post immediately afterwards—stress and bad writing all around—and partly so that, you know, we can actually recap stuff before the next episode airs. So yeah, that’s the goal.

Let’s do it!

We open on a gorgeous, snowy scene with ROOSTER TEETH PRESENTS smack dab in the middle. You know that feeling you get when you hear the Harry Potter theme at the beginning of a new film and the whole theater loses their shit? Same with Doctor Who and Star Wars? Whatever your preferred fandom, the point is I get the same chills when RWBY comes back and it’s excellent.

The animation really is gorgeous though and I sigh happily whenever I see it, thinking back to the days when cookies disappeared directly into Ruby’s mouth. There’s nostalgia, sure, but it doesn’t beat this detail.

We hear the distant sound of a train and then we’re thrown into exactly what we’ve wanted for literal years now: Team RWBY back together again, fighting not creepy adults but just some good, old fashioned grimm. They’re chimeras and… griffins? Ngl I’m not entirely sure, but they’re big, flying, fire-breathing nasties, so that’s really all we need to know. Luckily everyone falls back into old habits, easily supporting one another and executing perfect attacks (a contrast to the residual tension we’ll see in just a bit). Ruby is so busy posing after a successful kill that she misses the grimm coming at her from behind. Weiss saves her ass with a cheeky, “Thank me later!” At the end of the fight we get a reversal wherein a hit nearly sends Weiss tumbling off the side of the train, though Ruby grabs her at the last second with her own, “Thank me later!” It’s a fun little exchange made better when we think back to the Vytal Tournament. Weiss still “had her back” then too, but was more resistant to Ruby’s proclamation that they’re BFFs. Now the teasing is on both ends.

Notably, Ruby saves Weiss by taking her into her semblance, creating a cloud of rose petals that are half red, half white. Now combined with the old team-ups and some shots in the new opening, this has led a number of fans (myself included) to wonder if a WhiteRose pairing is in our future. Which also means that the ship wars are in full swing. Needless to say I’m not about that nonsense and I’ll only point out here what I said episodes back: if it’s a queer relationship with one of our main girls, and not a random side character who was previously out to murder a whole family? I’m on board.

Back in the fight though. The rest of team RNJR appears with Nora exclaiming, “Why is it always something?” God that’s a mood. Welcome to adulthood, kid. It’s just one crisis after another—except in your case the crises are objectively more dangerous. Sorry about that. We get to see Jaune’s improved reflexes as he fends off all the fireballs with his shield while Ren and Nora team up to knock some of the monsters out.

Honestly, I love this trope in action stories. Where—as Nora does here—a character just shouts out a friend’s name to get their attention and they immediately know what kind of move they’re about to pull off. It’s made more hilarious to me given that RWBY once had attack names and Jaune at least made the attempt with JNPR...but apparently they're not needed anymore. So unrealistic, yet so very cool when used.

So yeah, things are going pretty smoothly… up until Oscar yells out “Tunnel!” Ruby saves Weiss from falling, they manage to get over or between the cars, and in the sudden darkness we transition to what we only realize later is a flashback. At least, I didn’t realize it until later. Totally thought we’d had a time skip and they were just hopping another train…

My stupidity aside, before we hit the train station we actually see a familiar hallway filled with angry voices discussing the disaster at Haven—one of which is Adam’s. I really enjoyed this technique, wherein we slowly pan across the room as the voices grow more frantic and the sounds of fighting break out, the camera revealing bodies scattered across the floor. By the time we reach the throne—and Adam on it— we realize that the fight occurred prior to this moment, something that Adam is now remembering. He goes all skyward scream on us as he howls menacingly. Okay, dude. Compared to Cinder and Salem you’re really not all that.

Now we’re at the train station where Qrow is narrating a letter to Ironwood. Hell yes, please bring back the badass, protective Ironwood who defended the students at Beacon and stood up for Weiss. I’d be very pleased if he joins the RWBY gang by the Volume’s end. Qrow’s optimistic about the trip—they’ve plans to reach Ironwood before the letter does, which says either good things about Remnant’s transportation or bad things about its mail—though of course we as the audience know it’s not going to be nearly that simple. We learn that only two weeks have passed since the battle, but people are still reeling from all the implications. Lionheart tragically lost his life defending the school and oh, some students coincidentally were there and did some stuff. Excellent choice in showing us the mindless crowds while we hear this, the naive masses who, yes, would absolutely believe a story like this.

It’s easy to criticize no one supposedly noticing Salem, magic, the finger Ozpin has in every pie, etc. but ultimately people believe what they’re told—especially when it’s much easier to swallow than the truth.

Enough of the doom and gloom though. Ruby is having the time of her life.

Qrow: “What’s with the running?”

Ruby: “What’s with the standing?!”

I love this girl so very much and it’s wonderful when we get to see her acting like the kid she is. She uses her semblance with abandon because yeah, if I could turn into rose petals I’d be doing that all the time too. Ruby teases Yang with something from the gift shop and I really hope we get to see what that is. Yes, we end the episode with everyone left stranded in the wilderness, but if Yang’s bike can survive then so can Ruby’s souvenirs.

(Seriously though they presumably lost all their luggage that sucks.)

Everyone else is in top, feel-good form too. Nora daydreams about hitting the beach, complete with a thought bubble of topless Ren and a beachball. Weiss quips about how she spent all last Volume getting out of Atlas, thanks, but Ruby reassures her that at least she’s back with the team now. When two jokers arrive boasting about how they’ll be the ones keeping the train safe from grimm, Ruby and Yang act exactly as nieces should when your cool uncle is telling them off. AKA, making fun of them behind his back.

God they must have been terrors as toddlers. I mean we already know Yang carted Ruby off into the woods one day so yeah, I’m pretty confident in expressing my surprise that Tai doesn’t have a full head of gray hair.

The two Nice Guys go on to specify that they’ll provide extra protection for a “generous tip,” which—while essentially a throwaway line—reminds us how most of the world functions outside of our close-knit cast. Money, and more specifically Schnee money, quite literally dictates who lives and who dies. Not everything about RWBY is fantasy oriented…

We learn that everyone is just waiting on Blake— “as usual”—and we cut to her with Ilia as the two of them say their goodbyes. Ilia will be helping Ghira lead the Faunus in a “new movement” and is supposedly 100% on the straight and narrow now. Cool? I guess? To be honest I’m fine with her taking a back seat for this Volume. There’s a moment where we get a shot of Ilia and Blake’s feet, the former’s angled forward in a classic kiss pose, and I was super glad to see that they were just sharing a hug. I really don’t want the first LGBTQIA kiss on RWBY to be iffy on consent, considering that Ilia knows Blake isn’t interested. Hug though? That was super sweet.

Sun and Neptune show up to say their goodbyes too. They’re heading to Vacuo to meet up with the rest of their team because, in Sun’s words, he’s the “worst leader” ever. You kinda are, dude? I loved Sun up until they had him following Blake without her permission and continuing to do so after she asked for space, all in the name of the guy supposedly knowing what the girl really needs. The reminder that Sun abandoned his team to do this just reinforces how much I dislike that plot-line.

Sun gets the kiss—on the cheek—and after leaving Neptune lectures him on “letting [Blake] go.” Except it’s not about you? Blake is off to quite literally save the world and the fact that these guys view that as a threat to any potential relationship is… icky. Ugh. Oh well. They’re presumably gonna be offscreen for a while.

The train finally arrives and everyone piles in. We’re back to bunk beds! And of course Team RWBY is situated exactly as they were in Beacon’s dorms. Weiss gets annoyed with Ruby’s cloak hanging down over the side. Blake has a book in her lap. Ruby challenges Yang to a video game. Cue nostalgia. I fully expect fluffy AU fics where they ride the train all the way to Atlas and treat the trip as one giant, dramatic sleepover. This is non-negotiable.

Tension seeps back in though when Yang moves to pull her luggage from the rack and Blake immediately hops up to help her. In a super guilty “I know I fucked up and now I’m gonna smother you” way. Really excellent voice acting here. Yang ends up reassuring her. No, things aren’t perfect between them yet… but they’re definitely improving.

While short, for me this scene was perfectly balanced between acknowledging the girls’ complicated relationship without totally undermining the happy mood. Nicely done.

Then Qrow shows up with a drink. A drink with a slice of orange on the side. I have never enjoyed a moment more and I was so surprised I didn't take a screenshot of it. Clearly I was too distracted and am I too lazy to go back for one now? You betcha. The point is everything is fine, dandy, and filled with alcohol.

So of course RT goes and ruins it for me. Something hits the train and in a split second everyone is on high alert. A quick peek out the window reveals grimm and Blake mutters darkly that it’s “just my luck.”

Qrow: “Not yours.”

Are they gonna leave the safety of the train to those bozos from before? Hell no. Especially when one guy is grabbed right when the fight starts. I mean, poor dude, but he also kinda sucked as a Huntsmen. He wouldn’t have even made it past Beacon’s initiation, let alone graduated.

…I guess he’s kind of like early Jaune? Useless, wannabe hero who acts more confident than he actually is? Aw, now I really do feel bad.

He’s grimm food though. Gotta move on with our lives.

The other dude isn’t doing too well either, though RWBY and NJR + Oscar quickly show up, coming full circle to where we began the episode. Oscar insists that he’s got this fight under control which tells me (hopefully) that in the past two weeks they’ve had serious conversations about if and when Ozpin gets to have control. That’s super great, though I do wish we could have seen it. Flashbacks, maybe?

As the fight begins Ruby announces that the plan amounts to “don’t let anyone else die.” Uh...Ruby? Buddy. Pal. This is why people die. Because they didn’t have plans! Pyrrha—god rest her reckless soul—went off after a freaking Maiden by herself. Jaune got Amber killed because he didn’t obey the plan of watching the door. Lionheart frantically calls Salem with no real plan for what he’s going to offer her in exchange for his life! Plans are important, Ruby. You’re the team strategist. It was a badass line, I grant you, but please do not.

Luckily, no one (else) dies. That would have been pretty brutal for a premier. +1 point for world building where we see that trains like this have built in defenses to fight off grimm. -2 points for how useless it ends up being. As Qrow quickly points out, the turrets are drawing all the grimm to the front of the train where the passengers are. So, not good. Oscar is charged with telling the surviving goon to knock it off already while Qrow faces off against the super fierce chimera grimm. Not gonna lie though, when its tail first started up I thought Qrow was getting attacked by a dove…

This time when we hit the tunnel everyone makes it back safely inside with the exception of Goon #2 who gets his arm injured in the scramble. He’s literally crying on the ground when, in a pretty harsh move, Qrow drags him up and demands to know what the hell all that was. Civility and benefit of the doubt? Not Qrow’s strong points. It allows Ruby to take control of the situation though. How do you make sure that your cast of kids is continually calling the shots?  A) isolate them and B) when you can’t do that have the adults act like children instead. We see that a fair bit in RWBY.  

Jaune steps in to heal the guy’s arm, which is an unexpected surprise. I honestly thought we'd get a whole Volume’s worth of him figuring out how to access and control his semblance, though I suppose once it manifests you’ve got the basics down. We’ve seen that semblances can be improved upon—Ruby turning other people she carries into petals; Ren dampening the emotions of a whole train—so presumably Jaune will be able to heal more complex and life-threatening things in the future. We also hear in the ensuing conversation that he can amplify someone else’s aura…to be decided what exactly that means, how it connects to healing, and what the limits of the skill is.

During some theorizing about the attack Ozpin brings up that grimm are attracted to the relic they’re carrying and… oh boy. Here we go. Is it tradition that every recap the fandom goes for Ozpin’s throat while I stand here defending him? Might be. Let’s create a (semi) comprehensive list:

This might have been less of a secret and more of a slip. The guy is thousands of years old and the forces they’re dealing with are stupidly complicated. He can’t info dump every detail of a multi-century war in one sitting. So—

He might have thought this was one of those innocuous things that shouldn’t take precedent right now. Not the sort of thing he needs to worry them with. He claims in the promo that he didn't lie to the group and he quite possibly didn't. There's a big difference between lying and not telling someone every single possible thing that might be pertinent. Especially when—

We know that grimm are already attracted to people/negative emotion and they’re sequestered within a whole train full of presumably stressed travelers. There’s no reason to think the artifact would put them in more danger than they already are and therefore isn't at the top of the list of revelations to dole out. Especially with—

Qrow and his bad luck semblance. He literally just implied that the grimm were there because of him. There’s a reason he didn’t want Ruby near him during the fight with Tyrian and now they’re all stuck together in close quarters. The grimm were coming anyway. Even if we didn't have Qrow's semblance and big crowds we can also assume as much because of—

Those turrets. They weren’t there for a fashion statement. The whole train was crazy armored. They’re clearly very used to getting attacked on this route. It's a normal thing.

All of which is to say that the relic is one of MANY reasons why they might have gotten a buttload of grimm on their tail. Ozpin mentions this as one possibility in a very “Here’s something else to consider” way and everyone (characters and fandom alike) jump on him like he’s solely responsible for this predicament. Besides, what would they have done differently? Not carry the relic? That’s not an option. Be more on guard? They’re already constantly on guard. None of their actions would have changed had they known.

Really though, it’s the keeping of secrets that people are mad about, not necessarily what the secret is. So if we ignore the possibility above that Ozpin legit didn’t think this was worth mentioning/even forgot about it, we have a) he withheld the information because it might have made them wary about traveling with others, but they need to get to Atlas as fast as possible and the train is the best way to do that. So yeah, that’s a possible change, though I agree with Ozpin’s theoretical logic here. It was worth the risk.

b) he didn’t tell them because—again—worry is a negative emotion and that might have just doubled their problem. Awful as it is, knowing you're carrying a thing that might attract more grimm is one of the best ways to make sure that you do, in fact, attract them. Knowing what the relic does is dangerous. 

c) he doesn’t trust them with all the information about these super powerful relics that are going to decide the fate of their world. Which honestly? Kind of fair. Yeah, I know he promised them no more secrets, but this is a centuries old, god-like entity making a promise to a child. It’s not even really a matter of trust anymore. We’ve got a core group of nine here and everyone has someone else they’re close to. Ruby isn’t going to keep secrets from Tai. Blake will probably fill Sun in when she sees him again. Weiss is close to her sister. Etc. In short, as soon as this many people know a secret it isn't a secret anymore. Ozpin is no doubt aware that anything he tells to their now massive group is fair game and he has to carefully consider what he wants to risk going public/landing in Salem's hands. A general doesn't tell every lieutenant the details of every plan. That's a good way to lose the war. Fate of the world vs. a promise made to Yang? C’mon. There are priorities here.

d) finally, we’ve seen evidence—particularly after the iconic food fight—that Ozpin desperately wants his students to be kids as long as they can. He might keep information to himself simply because he doesn’t want to burden them. And given all the reasons listed above for why they'd be dealing with grimm anyway, what's the harm in giving them what little peace he can? It's not perfect reasoning and if this is the case the others have a right to be annoyed, but it's understandable. It certainly doesn't make Ozpin the monster I see countless posts painting him as.

Plus, Yang? I’m not sure you have the right to get indignant about keeping secrets right now. Granted, there’s some ambiguity surrounding whether she’s mentioned Raven as the Spring Maiden, but regardless we haven’t seen any evidence that she’s told the group the details of what happened down in the vault. That’s a pretty big thing to be keeping to yourself.

A lot bigger than, “Oh yeah this relic attracts the thing we’re attracting anyway. My bad.”

Why the relic attracts grimm is another question. Because it’s connected to the original brothers? Just because Salem wants it and she seems to be the grimms’ creator? We’ll have to see.

Ruby interrupts everyone’s fury to point out that they have bigger issues at the moment and Ozpin’s expression kind of kills me? He looks so shocked to have anyone standing up for him, even if it’s a defense of practicality instead of his actions. I wonder if this Volume is going to have the team starting to lose a little faith in Ruby. Given the clear divide here (angry Ren, Nora, Weiss, Yang, and Blake on one side; Ruby, Oscar, Ozpin on the other) this might be a major theme moving forward. It would make a lot of sense too given Ruby's past relationship with Ozpin. To Yang he's just her headmaster; to Ruby he's the headmaster that let her into her dream school early. To Blake he's someone who wanted information from her before she was ready to give it; to Ruby he's the adult who gave her advice at the dance and was emotionally open with her about committing more mistakes "than any man, woman, or child." No matter how far she's come, they'll always be a part of Weiss that sees Ozpin as the teacher who didn't give her the leadership position she thought she deserved; to Ruby he's the man that has put a staggering amount of trust in her: by letting her into his school, giving her a team, sending her to Mountain Glenn, etc.

Now, it might be time for Ruby to put her trust in Ozpin.

Fight temporarily averted, they decide to separate the teams… which felt a little forced to me. I mean I get it. As said, giant group. It’s hard to write and keep track of that many, so let’s knock three offstage for a while. Jaune, Ren, and Nora will see the people to safety while Ruby and the rest of the gang eventually catch up. We get a glimpse of Maria—the old lady with awesome glasses—clearly plotting something and then everyone heads back to the roof to finish the fight with the grimm.

Blake has a quick vision of Adam; the last time she separated a train car. Excellent touch there. Ruby tells Ren to use his semblance through the scroll, but we also get a glimpse of their signals getting weaker. Another nice touch considering how important we know the scrolls are throughout the RWBY universe: how the team keeps in contact during the Volume Four short, the damage that the fall of the CCT tower has caused, etc.

We get a final, epic showdown with a massive grimm where everyone’s teamwork proves to be some top tier stuff. Blake and Yang capture it using Blake’s ribbon. Weiss freezes off its wings. Then—in a fantastic split screen—Ruby and Qrow both use their scythes to cut the creature in two. I’m here for the power family moves.

Only problem is that a final fireball from the grimm hits the train, derailing their section. Weiss keeps them all from dying an awful death, but now they’re kind of stranded.

I mean, they already were stranded before, but I guess the hope was the back of the train would have carried them farther down the tracks before losing momentum?

In the final scene we have an unexpected voice happily proclaiming that they’re still alive but boy, that was a close one! Maria hobbles out, having clearly planned to be with this group when they went their own way.

My personal theory? She knows (and to some extent recognizes) Ozpin. I can’t believe he wasn’t involved in a conflict like the Great War. Hell, he was probably at the center of it and Maria looks very old by RWBY standards. We have no concept of how long people in this world can live so I don’t think it’s a stretch to put her in her 90s or well over 100—old enough to have fought in the War and potentially recognize one of the central figures, even in a new reincarnation depending on her instincts, knowledge, and semblance. Her name lends a bit of credence to her age, if nothing else. As far as I know “Maria” doesn’t mean/isn’t evocative of a color… though I’m far from an expert. Could totally be wrong about that.

Regardless, we’ll see. More info arrives next week!

Other Details of Note

The grimm are at a distance when we first spot them and they actually look a lot like crows. The same motif we’ve seen with Raven and Qrow’s entrances but, you know, bad.

I really liked Qrow’s line to Ironwood about how they’re bringing “more than bad news.” It’s appropriately vague—can’t go admitting that Oz is back with the group—and at the same time quite up-lifting.

I personally take Ozpin’s “I hope they’re not from Beacon” as more of a joke than a true worry. If you’re telling me that this old as balls control freak doesn’t remember every student that’s ever passed through those doors… I don’t believe you.

When Blake is saying goodbye to Ilia and Sun we have lots of animation for her ears, helping to express her emotions. It says a lot about her character development that she hasn’t re-adopted the bow in such a crowded, human packed space.

Neptune is pursuing the “wrong tree” okay lol that was good.

When Neptune and Sun discuss re-uniting the team we briefly hear the soundtrack from their Vytal Festival match. Excellent.

Interestingly, Oscar gives Ozpin control immediately during the conversation about the relic, almost like he already knew what was going to be revealed and understood that it was important… I wonder how much they’re sharing thoughts now, two weeks later.

Here, have a beach Ren and happy birb. Yes, I went back for the screenshots...

[sageinthegarden]

A new snapshot from https://sagesacre.com/2021/01/24/chickcam-is-dead-long-live-chickencam/

Chickcam is Dead. Long Live Chickencam!

After nearly a decade of service, the old Chickencam is dead.

An indoor wireless camera I bought an eon ago, I had turned it an outdoor camera by covering it with a clear plastic pretzel container which worked surprisingly well at keeping the water out, but made the camera’s night vision useless because the plastic just reflected the IR lights back into the camera.

The old Chickencam in its pretzel container

No big deal. The chickens and ducks were in the coop at night, so there wasn’t much to see beyond possums, raccoons and the occasional coyote.

Sadly, the plastic and duct tape housing I made to weatherproof the power supply fell apart at some point so the last rain filled it with water and fried both the camera and power supply.

While I wasn’t happy about the camera taking a dirt nap, it did give me a chance to overhaul how I streamed the video. The old camera didn’t support direct video streaming except to a plugin that only worked with ancient versions of Internet Explorer, so I had hacked it to send the video to a Raspberry Pi (a small computer), which then captured, re-formatted, and sent it on to YouTube to stream (almost) live. With the old camera dead, I decided to add a camera to the Raspberry Pi and use it stream directly to the Internets.

Building the New Chickencam

The whole thing was actually pretty easy to get up and running. In fact, making a waterproof enclosure for the computer and camera took longer than figuring out how to stream.

The Hardware For the streaming hardware I used a Raspberry Pi 3B+ I bought a couple of years ago for about $35 on Amazon. The camera is a Raspberry Pi v2 camera with 8M pixel resolution I picked up for $18, so my total investment was $53, or about $35 less than what I paid for the old camera 10 years ago.

I downloaded the Raspberry Pi Imager software from the Raspberry Pi website and in a couple of clicks had an SD card loaded with the Raspbian Operating System and ready to pop into the Pi’s SD slot. I did that, then plugged the camera’s cable into the board and booted it up.

Once the computer booted all I had to do was enable the camera, and it was ready to go.

The Software The latest Raspberry Pi OS comes with everything needed to stream video built in, so, unlike the hoops I had to jump through with the old Chickencam, all I needed this time was my YouTube Live Stream Key and a string of code to tell the Pi how and where to send the video stream.

For the code, I read a number of different blogs on how to live stream from a Raspberry Pi, and, after trying several, I found this one was easiest (it’s a little out of date on the YouTube stream key setup, but all you really need is the part where it says “How it Will Work” anyway.)

The TL/DR version is all needed to do is copy and paste this code into the Pi’s terminal window (with my YouTube stream key added at the end):

ffmpeg -threads 0 -f v4l2 -i /dev/video0 -ar 44100 -ac 2 -acodec pcm_s16le -f s16le -ac 2 -i /dev/zero -acodec aac -ab 128k -strict experimental -s 1920x1080 -b 6000000 -aspect 16:9 -vcodec h264_omx -vb 820k -pix_fmt yuv420p -g 60 -r 30 -f flv rtmp://a.rtmp.youtube.com/live2/[your youtube stream key]

That worked perfectly while I was in the house, but because the Chickencam is down in the orchard where the WiFi signal is weak, so I had to make some tweaks to keep it streaming. I lowered the resolution (the stuff after “-s”) from 1920×1080 (1080HD) to 1280×720 (720HD), and lowered the framerate (the stuff after “-r”) from 30 frames per second, which is standard motion, to 15 frames per second, reducing the number of frames it had to send so it wouldn’t buffer or go dark all the time.

One other problem I kept running into wasn’t the WiFi but the Pi itself. I kept getting “thread queue size” errors, but after a little research I was able to fix that by adding “-thread_queue_size 64” before the “-i” part.

Once I had the hardware and software running smoothly, I needed to put it in a waterproof case.

Making the Waterproof Case

Waterproof camera case from a breakfast drink container

I could have purchased a waterproof enclosure for the Pi, but they were $20 for what was looked to me to be a junction box used for outdoor electrical wiring. Since I’m kind of a packrat (though I am nothing compared to my wife), I have a box in the garage full of watertight plastic containers that once held food, coffee, detergent pods, and the like (see pretzel container from old camera above).

Among my container menagerie was a Carnation breakfast drink mix package measuring about 6 inches (15.25cm) wide and tall, about 2 inches (5cm) deep, and made of heavy plastic with a watertight lid. Perfect for the Raspberry Pi and the power supply to fit in with plenty of room for air circulation.

I took a container and drilled a 5/8ths inch (1.5cm) hole in the front for the camera, one in the side for the power cord, and a couple more in the bottom for air to keep the Pi from overheating in the summer when the camera sits in the sun part of the day. Finally, I drilled a hole in the bottom and hot-glued a 1/4-inch nut over the hole so I could screw the case onto a standard camera mount (coincidentally the one I got with Old Chickencam but never used).

Then I put the power adapter inside the case, set the PI on top of that and fit the camera into the hole I had drilled. Duck tape was used to hold the camera in place.

To keep the camera lens protected from the elements, I hot glued a hose washer to a small piece of clear acrylic salvaged from a broken picture frame, then placed it over the camera lens and used more duck tape to hold it in place.

After that, I screwed the case onto the camera mount securely, fed the power power cord through the side hole, and plugged it into the power adapter. I snapped on the lid, added a few more strips of duck tape to cover the gaps, and we were ready to go.

The New Chickencam in all its Duck-taped glory

The camera has been running for a week now and survived both high winds and rain, so I’m feeling confident that I’ll have this one for a long time. Photo quality is pretty good too.

New chickencam photo

New chickencam photo

New chickencam photo

Since this is a full computer instead of just a wired camera, I should be able to do a bunch of fun stuff. I bet people more creative than me already have.

If you haven’t checked out my Chickencam yet, please do. No guarantee you’ll see anything other than backyard poultry being poultry, but you never know… Here’s a link to the Chickencam.

[aryanarecords]

INTERVIEW WITH RYAN WISE

I have absolutely no idea where to start with this.  I have been thinking about how I would start this article for months, and now that the moment is here I still don’t know.  Not in a bad way at all, it’s just that the person I interviewed has changed the way I view the world, a lot.  There aren’t many words to describe it.  I guess I’ll start with how we met, which is also kind of hazy.  Bear with me. I was in the common area at the NYU hall I stayed at for two weeks over the summer.  I was trying to play pool when I saw two guys dressed in really cool clothes.  One had grey overalls with an orange polo shirt and yellow sweatband on.  The other one had a black tee, Comme Des Garcons sneakers, and a bandana with flames.  I guess it was the vibes they were giving off, but I somehow managed to approach them.  I learned their names were Justin Miller and Ryan Wise.  You’re probably thinking Justin Miller sounds really familiar. It’s because I interviewed him! You can read it HERE. (By the way, Justin was wearing the overalls and Ryan was wearing the bandana with flames.)  I don’t remember what we talked about, or how I even approached them, but I told them how a bunch of us jam out every night in the basement and they should come.  They did end up coming, and it was probably the best jam sesh we had.  We even ended up writing a song all together.   On my last night at NYU, I don’t really know how Ryan and I found each other, but I feel like that’s how we grew closer.  We ended up in the jam room together and he started talking about his experience at NYU and ended up showing me a song he wrote.  I fell so in love with it and I promised to share his music on here when it’s finally out.  When I went back home, I had some stupid drama going on and he was always there to listen.  In fact, he would share his problems with me too, which would become the basis for his EP.  I specifically remember talking about how NYU sick we were, and how we felt so at home there.  We felt like we belonged.  I don’t think my NYU experience would have been the same if I hadn’t met THE Ryan Wise himself.  This was honestly all over the place, but without further ado (can’t believe I just said that, OK), here is my favorite interview to date! 

Give us some basic facts about yourself!

Name: Ryan Alexander Wise Born Day: 9/13/2000 Sign: Virgo Favorite Food: Rice Favorite Color: Black Base: Central Ohio Nicknames: Whatever you want, but don't call me RyRy or nigga if you ain't black.

How and when did you start making music?

I wrote my first song when I was a toddler and my dad recorded me singing it and like put music behind and it and everything. It was hella extra. I've come up with songs for as long as I can remember, but I guess the turning point was when I was 11 and I got my grandma's old iPad. I downloaded GarageBand on there and started producing and have been going ever since.

Who are some of your musical influences?

I wouldn't be doing any of this if it wasn't for Michael Jackson. When he died I looked him up to see what all the fuss was about, and was literally obsessed with his discography for 18 months straight. My current favorite artists are Kanye West, Frank Ocean, and Childish Gambino, so I'm sure they have a big influence on me. However, whatever influences my art is really what I'm listening to while I'm creating it.

What have you been listening to lately?

I've been trying to broaden my scope and get away from hip hop a little more since that's been all I’ve listened to for like 6 years now. Willow Smith and Tyler Cole came out with amazing albums this year, especially for how young they both are. Hella inspiring. Speaking of the Smith family, “SYRE” by Jaden Smith has been in rotation since its debut. “Chamber of Reflection” by Mac DeMarco, “Lone Wolf” and “Cub” by Thundercat, and “Swell” by Archy Marshall are favorites now too.

What was your inspiration for your new EP, Room & Bored?

My time at NYU this summer. I was working on a different project going into my month long stay there, but I ended up writing some new stuff while there and as a reflection of my time there when I got back. I looked at what I wrote (R&B’s three songs in particular) and realized that I had something there. I dropped everything else and started making those, because I felt an urgency to get that out there. Through the help of people at NYU, like you Aryana, I finally had enough confidence to release a body of work. NYU influenced what I wrote about, how it sounded, its title, aesthetic, everything.

This is a picture I took of Ryan in the jam room on the last night.  He was performing one of the songs he wrote during his stay at NYU.  Bad pic, but high quality sentiment.

How long did it take you to write and produce R&B?

I wrote 227 in a couple minutes one day at the beginning of my stay in New York. Same with 908 but like two weeks later. 197 amassed itself over a couple of days after I got back and was eventually trimmed down from 9 minutes to 5. I then produced the bulk of it through August and kind of sat on it, making tweaks until I told myself I had to put it out and tweeted “november 1st” to hold myself to releasing it on that date. So all together a little over 3 months.

How did you think of the title, Room & Bored?

I'm still kinda iffy on the title. I like it, a lot, but not sure that it really connects with the story of the project much. It’s playing on Room and Board obviously, and I think it’s clever and fits within my aesthetic, but the EP doesn't really convey a sense of boredom. Maybe 227, since it’s about suggesting that fun should be had rather than describing the fun. I don't know. But since it was based on my experience at a college, I wanted that to be incorporated into the title. I wanted this to be a project where different people can experience it differently based on their relation to me. So if you just happen to find this on SoundCloud, you might think I'm a college student. If you know me, you probably know that I was at NYU for a part of my summer and will get that it’s a reference to that. If you were at NYU and were good friends with me, you might get more things: who the songs about, the events that inspired the songs, the room numbers’ significance, and the title plays into that.

Each song title is a number, what do those mean?

Each is a reference to a room that was significant to the circumstances that inspired the songs. 227 was my friend Anthony's room, and that's where we would hang out and party most of the time. Since that song deals with themes of not necessarily fitting in at the party, but wanting to because “she” does, I named it after the room where I felt that. 908 was another friend of mine’s room, where an interaction happened between me and someone else. To fully feel and release the emotions that were ignited as a result of that interaction, I wrote 908. I also learned that it was the room number of my other friend, on the opposite wing of the dorm, and coincidentally it applies to things that happened there too (coincidence = the universe stunting on you with Jay-Z double entendres). 197 has to do with where I live. Since I wrote it after returning home from New York and it was a reflection on my experience there, I named it after where I was at the time.

What’s your dream venue to perform at?

I'd love to say like Madison Square Garden, but that seems hella overwhelming. Maybe like the Roxy, because I'd love to be in a more intimate setting with people that know my music better than I do. I’d take a ton of those over one MSG performance where 60% of the people there only know that one song that charted.

What genre would you define your music as?

I'd love to say Alternative, which to me just means the industry doesn't know what to call this, but right now I'd say hip hop or alt hip hop. I'm still very much in that state of mind. My ear is farther along than my voice, if you pick up what I'm putting down.

What was the first record or CD you bought?

I don't remember the first song or album I spent money on (it was probably trash and definitely on iTunes), but the first physical album I bought was Jay-Z’s “Black Album” on vinyl. Didn't have a record player yet. Hadn't even heard the album in full. I just saw it and impulse bought it because I felt like it. Listened to it later, and fortunately, it’s amazing.

Who would you want to open for?

Opening for Kanye would be dope but I'd probably be crying too hard to perform. Opening for Frank Ocean would be dope but I know everyone would forget about it as soon as Frank walked on stage. Maybe Kevin Abstract. Yeah, that would be dope. But opening for any of them would be a privilege and I would be so geeked to do so.

Any advice you have for young/ local/ up and coming artists?

Keep grinding. Don't let people discourage you. Yeah, not everyone gets to be a star, but you'll never be one if you let that get in your way. Don't aim for fame, aim for happiness. At least that's what I'm doing, and I hope it works out. Making connections with other, artistic peers can be very helpful. I wouldn't have R&B if it wasn't for people like Aryana and Justin (JUM The Lover) and others that I've become close to. They’ll help inspire you, make you feel at home if you're in a place where people don't tend to think like you, and will hook you up if you can't think of another verse and need a feature.

Can we expect more music from you? Is yes, when!!??!

Of course you can, but I don't want to give a date that I most likely won't keep. When it comes, it will probably be another EP, but longer this time. I'm not ready to come out with a full album yet. I don't know why. I have enough material, but need a concept or theme to tie it all together. If everything goes as planned, my next EP will be called COVER and you should look out for it.

Is there anything else you want to add?

If you've listened to R&B thank you so much. Even if you hated it, at least you tried. If you haven't, please give it a shot. The whole thing isn't even 10 minutes long. Support young artists. Retweet, reblog, repost, share, like, favorite everything by the young artists you know. Even if it’s not that great to you, it might be to someone else who’s in your sphere and wouldn't come across it otherwise. Listen to Room & Bored, or don't, it’s your prerogative, and why be racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic when you can just be quiet?

You can listen to Ryan’s debut EP Room&Bored HERE

Rock On,

Aryana

[andreggvil]

[TEASER #5 & 6 UPDATED!] SVT 2017 “Alone/Al1″ Project Prime Number Deductions

If you’re interested in the explanations of the prime numbers, click the “Read more”!

[UPDATED with explanation of TEASER #5 (WOOZI) AND TEASER #6 (JUN) as of May 13th, 04:13 KST]

[To be updated with every new teaser]

This is the format I will be following to explain the hints found in every member’s teaser, their prime number and why the hint links to the answer:

MEMBER: “[The phrase and hint on their teaser]”

•  The answer to their prime number •  Why it is the answer to their prime number

1. VERNON: “One less than a revolution”

Vernon’s prime number: 359

Reason: A full “revolution” is represented by the number 360, and “one less” obviously means subtract one (1) of something. From this, we can deduce that this phrase is a hint to subtract 1 from 360. If we reform this into an equation, the hint essentially becomes 360 – 1. 360 – 1 = 359, and 359 is a prime number. Therefore, 359 is Vernon’s prime number.  In the teaser, the most obvious evidence to this prime number was the compass, where the needle was swinging wildly and the “north” of the compass was labelled as 359. The abundance of windmills (that spin in “full revolution”) can also be considered as hints to the prime number.

2. JEONGHAN: "Somebody said it means imperfection and danger”

Jeonghan’s prime number: 11

Reason: As illustrated in the Bible, the number 11 is associated with all things negative. In Biblical numerology, 11 stands for chaos, evil, sin, transgression, destruction, and - as the phrase says - 11 means imperfection and danger, which is why 11 is Jeonghan’s prime number. The most obvious evidence pointing to this prime number was Jeonghan crossing out the dates on the calendar and crossing out day 11 of the month with a red marker, as opposed to the previous 10 days being crossed out in a black marker.

[If you’re wondering if there’s any evidence that shows how the number 11 is a symbol of imperfection and danger, here’s some more context for you: It’s a number said to be somehow coincidentally linked with many devastating events in both the Bible and in modern times. Examples in the Bible include the 11 dukes of Edom that were constantly at war with Israel and the 11 sons of Jacob that disintegrated their family relationship. Examples in modern times include 9/11 and the 9.0-9.1 magnitude earthquake and tsunami that occurred in Tōhoku, Japan on March 11th of 2011.]

3. MINGYU: “Another chapter of my life began since I met you”

Mingyu’s prime number: 2

Reason: Based on the phrase’s hint alone, the number 2 can be deduced simply because the word “another” indicates one more of something or someone that is already mentioned. In the context of this case, it would be an additional chapter to Mingyu’s life because of meeting “you”. In numerical terms, since “another” means “one more” (1+), then that means the minimum number to qualify as an equivalent for the word “another” would be 2. It is also the only definite number that can be associated with the word “another” because “another” can mean any number beyond 1. Therefore, 2 is Mingyu’s prime number. Mingyu’s teaser displayed a lot of symmetrical shots, and there were clearly two of many things: two clocks pointing to 2 o’clock, two windows, two photos of two people, two armchairs, two bitten apples, two oil lamps, two Mingyus.

4. DK: “In the place thirteen pieces can be completed”

DK’s prime number: 3733

Reason: The hint can be confusing considering the word “thirteen” is included in the hint itself, and 13 is a prime number. However, the key to understanding DK’s prime number lies in the word “completed”. Referring to the Bible and Biblical numerology once again, the numbers 3 and 7 are the first and second numbers of the Bible’s first four spiritually perfect numerals. Both numbers are representative of completeness and perfection. The number 3 itself can also be seen as a reference to Jesus’ resurrection on the third day, suggesting that Seventeen is “resurrecting” through this project (or, as the boys said, “debuting again” with a new and improved side). In addition to this, the use of three 3s can be seen as a reference to the New Testament that has 27 books. 27 books in numerical terms mean 3 x 3 x 3, or completeness to the third power. The use of one 7 can also be considered an inference to God’s creative work (since God created the world in 7 days), an implication that Seventeen’s upcoming project will embody divinity and absolute perfection. Based on these meanings and hints that can be derived from the teaser, it’s clear why DK’s prime number is 3733. The most obvious evidence pointing to this number is the time being continuously shown on DK’s stopwatch - 37:33. It should also be noted that every time he finishes a lap and stops running at the same place he started, the stopwatch ends at 37:33, indicating that the spot he stops at may very well be “the place thirteen pieces can be completed”.

5. WOOZI: “All the questions in the world can be answered in one definitive answer”

Woozi’s prime number: 4643

Reason: Before delving into any explanations, what needs to be established is that “all the questions in the world” is probably not inclusive of questions that we can answer without much problem. The “questions” that the hint is most likely referring to are probably the “big” questions concerning life, universe, God, etc.; questions that no one seems to have the answers to, is embodied by “one definitive answer” in the form of a prime number (at least, it is according to whoever made this hint). In the case of this prime number, there isn’t really any specific clue that points to a particular number or set of numbers. That’s what makes this really complicated. And really really long. There’s also the fact that 4643 isn’t really a number that’s associated with much of anything. However, based on the previous teasers, we can infer that this prime number probably also has religious connotations, so let’s look at the numbers separately first: As mentioned before in the reason of DK’s prime number, the number 3 is a spiritually perfect number that stands for completeness and perfection. 4 is a number that derives its meaning from creation because, on the fourth day of creation week, God had brought the sun, moon and stars into existence. The hint on the teaser talks about “all the questions in the world” being answered by this one number, and the answer of God being the creator of the universe would, if true, be a definitive answer to at least half the questions in the world (or more specifically, the half seeking answers to the phenomenon that is the universe and the answers to the question of whether or not a God exists). Because of this, 4 - the number of physical creation - makes sense as a part (technically two parts since there are two 4s) of the number 4643. The two 4s in this “one definitive answer” embody the truth to “the questions in the world” regarding God and His existence. Moving onto the number 6: the number that stands for human weakness, Satan’s evil, and the manifestation of sin. On the sixth day of creation week, God made man, which is why 6 is the number of man. If a good portion of the questions in the world are concerned with the existence of God and making sense of the universe, then another portion is probably about ethics, morality and human nature. Questions about why so many bad things happen in the world, why humans are the way they are, etc. etc., these questions would be answered with the number 6 that contains the truth to the “questions in the world” regarding Man and their nature. The last number involved is one of the four spiritually perfect numerals that was explained earlier on. 3, being one of the numbers that appear the most in the Bible, can be a reference to many Biblical events or symbolic meanings illustrated in the Bible. However, in the context of this teaser and the hint, the number 3 takes on a different meaning. In the Bible’s very last book - the Book of Revelation - the very last line describes God as a Being “which is, and which was, and which is to come” (1:4). This clearly points to God being the “definitive answer” to the past, the present, and the future; therefore, the number 3 is the answer to the “questions in the world” regarding Time. “But why 4643 and not 463? Isn’t 463 a prime number too? What’s the purpose of the extra 4?” is what most of you might ask, but there is a double meaning to the number 4643. 4 + 6 + 4 + 3 = 17, in which another Biblical reference can be found. The number 17 obviously represents the boys, and in the Bible, it also represents “complete victory” (which is probably reflective of what the boys want out of this comeback); but here, it means something greater. One of the most significant meanings to the number 17 is that when Love is mentioned for the 17th time in the first book of Corinthians, the apostle Paul states that it is the greatest gift of all. What is more interesting is that not only is the number 17 tied to Love, this is stated on the 13th chapter and the 13th verse of 1 Corinthians. (I find it really hard to be a coincidence, I’m just saying. 13 members, and the group name is 17. And there’s nothing but love between Seventeen and Carats. And in the Bible, love - the greatest gift of all - is mentioned for the 17th time on the 13th chapter and 13th verse.) “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13) Tl;dr, God, Man, Time and Love are the ultimate answers to “all the questions in the world”. Combined as one definitive answer in the form of a prime number, that is how Woozi’s prime number 4643 came to be. The hints in the teaser are glaringly obvious, but its purpose of its inclusion is confusing until the numbers make sense. The books all spread out on the floor and the math book Woozi was reading in the beginning are references to the scientific and mathematic questions trying to make sense of the universe. The shot of pouring rain, the light (bulb), and the water, as well as the sound of waves (?) are references to questions regarding nature and the phenomena of the universe. The quick flashes of words such as “rewind”, “pause”, “stop” are references to questions regarding time. It all seems like a bunch of shots randomly thrown in the same teaser, but it becomes clear that these shots were examples of and references to “all the questions in the world”.

6. JUN: “As the door opened, I was faced with the new destiny”

Jun’s prime number: 1013

Reason: Considering how Biblical numerology played a large role in the symbolism of the first five prime numbers, it would be natural to begin theorizing the meaning of Jun’s prime number by using Biblical numerology. However, when considering what the numbers within 1013 represent in the Bible (1, 3, 10, 13), the prime number makes little to no sense, especially with the hint of this teaser. So, I then looked at Bible verses to see if any of them were from chapter 10 and verse 13 that explicitly or implicitly mentioned doors. And sure enough, in the first book of Corinthians - the same book of the Bible that was looked at earlier for Woozi’s teaser - a “door” is implied in the 13th verse of the 10th chapter. This is what the verse reads: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13) The “door” in the hint, then, becomes a clear metaphor for “the way out” that God will always provide. In addition to this, it should be noted that the number of times that a door opens within the teaser is three, which is a direct reference to the Biblical meaning of the number 3: completeness. The significance of three doors being opened, combined with the Bible verse, conveys a meaning that the journey to “the way out” from temptation has been completed, hence the latter clause “I was faced with the new destiny”, though what this “new destiny” contains is left for viewers to guess. As for what the “temptation” is in the teaser’s context, based on Joshua’s voicemail, it’s likely that the urge to see someone again is the “temptation” in the teaser. Joshua asks the question “will we see each other again?” and pauses before letting out a rather dejected “no, nevermind... bye” and ending his voicemail. In the voicemail, his tone (coupled with Jun’s staring at the letter in his hand) indicates longing and a temptation to do something about the feeling. This journey from being tempted to “the new destiny” is what Jun’s prime number 1013 means. The clue that makes the connection between Jun’s prime number and the Bible verse in the Corinthians is obvious but can be easily missed as it appears for only a few seconds at the beginning of the video. The painting hanging on the wall depicts five men, four of which are sitting down. There is a wine bottle on the table, and though it is somewhat blurry and unclear, it looks like two of the men - second man from the left and first man from the right - are smoking. If we relate 1 Corinthians 10:13 with this picture, it can be inferred that the “temptations” are alcohol and smoking, and “the way out” provided by God are the open doors one man is standing at the doorway of. As the Bible verse states, “[God] will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear”, and opens the doors to the way out as wide as possible to make the decision of whether or not to succumb to temptation or endure it as easy as possible.

[thepenumbrapodcast]

An open call for episode transcripts from our Travelers, struggles in creating the Penumbra as a small team, and why we need your help

UPDATE: Some extremely generous fans have stepped up to organize @thepenumbrapodcasttranscripts , so please head over there if you would like to participate! We are deeply touched by the speedy response to this post.

Hey there Travelers,

Kevin here. Over the thirteen months since the Penumbra’s first episode, we’ve received a lot of requests from fans for access to episode transcripts. Many of you have contacted us with well-reasoned arguments about accessibility for those with hearing and processing disabilities. Many of you have expressed frustration about the $7 Patreon reward level, at which donating patrons get to look at the scripts the actors see.

We’ve stayed quiet on this so far, but we haven’t been ignoring you. We recognize your frustration. We apologize if the packaging of our show has made you feel like we don’t notice you, or listen to you, or care about you. We do. Internally we’ve been discussing this for months – and after debating it and trying a lot of things, we’ve come to what we think is the only conclusion that makes sense given our situation. I’ll tell you the conclusion first, and then move backward to our reasoning:

We are asking for help from you, the fans, in making these transcripts a reality. If fans create a tumblr or website that features fan-made transcripts of every episode, we will gladly post a link to it on our website and promote it whenever a new transcript has been completed.

We have asked for this from you all before, but it understandably got lost in the weeks and months that have passed since. As a result, should fans express interest in creating transcripts, we will be reblogging this post once every two weeks until all of the transcripts have been completed.

We recognize that it is frustrating not having the supports you need to access our show as others can. We recognize that asking fans to create those supports is also frustrating. Please know that we are frustrated, too. We are living a very uncomfortable, very difficult reality in creating this show, and up until now we’ve kept the details of that reality invisible to you all. But if I can ask for just a few minutes of your understanding, I hope I can communicate clearly about the obstacles in the way of us creating these transcripts, which are also, not coincidentally, the biggest threats to the Penumbra’s continued existence in general.

What follows is an in-depth look at my reasoning. If you’re satisfied with the above, hey, skip it! You can find the couple of transcripts we had time to make here (as well as one by a fan who asked to be credited as subtlepuns), so go for it, work together, create a platform for them, and feel free to use what we’ve made to get you started. If you’re still bothered, or you don’t understand why we can’t just make all the transcripts ourselves, I ask only that you read and think about our position, here. It is not one made hastily.

My reasoning is this: 1) Our scripts are not the same thing as transcripts, and 2) it takes a considerable amount of time to turn a script into a transcript. This prevents us from being able to create the transcripts because 3) our time is extremely finite, and 4) we’re already using more time than we can afford (in multiple ways).

I’ve broken each of those four individual points in that argument into further reasoning below:

1)    Our scripts are not the same as transcripts

I’m going to take the blame for any misunderstandings here, since I’m the one who writes the language for the Patreon and I think my description of the $7 level is very unclear.

At $7, Patreon supporters get access specifically to the scripts our actors see – and as $7 supporters will tell you, there is usually a big difference between the scripts our actors get and the actual words that are said in the episode. There are many reasons for this: often during a recording I will on-the-spot rewrite a line if it’s just not working, or when editing Sophie might cut a few lines, or sometimes our actors just deliver lines with a different phrasing from what I give them. And that’s only considering dialogue: because I create this show collaboratively, and Sophie and Ryan work together on its soundscape, every sound and music cue in the script is only a suggestion I’m making to them – and very often they’re suggestions that they don’t take, for creative or logistical reasons. This means that for the purposes you all are asking, our scripts are not useful because they are not an accurate log of what is actually being said in the episode. They are only a log of what the actors had in their hands when they showed up to recording.

They are intended as a bonus because, ultimately, most of these actors are my friends and I like to make my friends laugh, so I load the stage directions and sound descriptions with stupid jokes and pieces of insight that I thought you all might enjoy. But ultimately, the difference is that the scripts are a behind-the-scenes peek, not a useful support for our fans with hearing and processing disabilities – and as a result giving them out for free doesn’t solve the central problem.

(It actually creates a separate problem, too – but I’ll get to that in a minute.)

2)    It takes a considerable amount of time to turn a script into a transcript

Believe it or not, we’ve actually tried to create transcripts on multiple occasions. Sophie and I had a group of our actors over a few months ago for a “transcript party,” during which we sat people down with snacks and headphones and asked them to listen to episodes and convert the initial script of an episode into the actual words that made it into the final cut.

Here’s the issue: with 6 people working consistently for 3 hours straight, we only completed 3 transcripts. That means a transcript takes us approximately 6 hours to put together, and with our 28 episodes published so far that comes out to 168 unpaid hours our tiny staff would have to work to create these transcripts – not to mention the additional 6 hours this would add to every episode’s production time.

(I know my math is a little shaky there, because this doesn’t account for bonus episodes being shorter; but given the length of the Season 1 Q&A and the fact that it had no script, I’m assuming that would take at least the leftover time to complete.)

Accessibility is important to us. That’s why we tried to create the transcripts in the first place. But when we did the math and looked at that number, we bumped up against an essential problem that our good intentions alone could not overcome:

3)    Our time is extremely finite

Between writing, editing, rehearsing, recording, acting, and giving feedback, I spend roughly 60 hours on every episode of The Penumbra Podcast. Between sound editing, directing, acting, rehearsing, recording, and giving feedback, Sophie spends about 90 hours per episode.

I apologize for drowning you all in numbers, but I think these are significant and misunderstood figures that go into the creation of our show, because it means that creating this has very real effects on our life that cannot be wished away. When we started this show, Sophie had a full-time job. Over the course of creating it it’s become clear to us that there is literally not enough time in the week for Sophie to create these episodes and work a full-time job. That’s how much time this takes us. As a result, we cannot take on the 168 unpaid hours to create the backlogged transcripts, and we cannot add to the per-episode totals Sophie and I already take on.

We want to. We can’t. Literally. That is how the math of the situation works out. We���re frustrated, too.

There’s an easy rebuttal to what I’ve said above, of course: you could counter my math with more math. There are 168 hours in a week; if you account for 8 hours of sleep and 8 hours of work every single day, that leaves 56 hours a week for us to work on The Penumbra; and if you factor in the numbers I gave above, given a biweekly schedule, I work on The Penumbra on average 4 hours each day and Sophie works on it for 6 hours a day.  That should leave me and Soph with roughly 28 free hours each week, right? Couldn’t the transcripts get done then?

(Again, my math is very rough, but please note that it’s rough on both sides. These hard numbers don’t even account for time spent eating, grocery shopping, doing household chores, upholding responsibilities to family, exploring other creative projects to support ourselves financially and keep ourselves sane and excited about our work, or anything else that keeps our lives in order. They’re intended to be rough.)

Technically, the transcripts could get done in this time. Technically. But that’s where we bump into our last – and biggest – problem.

4)    We’re already using more time than we can afford (in multiple ways)

There are two ways we’re going to cover here. The first, which I hope fans of our show in particular will understand, regards mental health.

I’m going to be direct with you all: at the start of this process, I really did put almost every waking second that I wasn’t using on my day job into working on this show. I took no breaks. I skipped time with my family and friends. I started skipping therapy sessions. Sophie and I skipped spending time together and working on our relationship. And in me, a person with some heavy predispositions to mental health issues, depression and panic disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder? It led to a nervous breakdown at the end of last year that I’ve only just recently pulled myself out of, one that I cannot and will not repeat again. If I’m going to make this show, I have to enjoy my life enough to do it. That’s not negotiable for me.

The second, and much more dire, way in which we cannot afford this time regards money.

As I stated above: there is literally not enough time in the day for Sophie to have a full-time job and work on the Penumbra. And because Sophie is our one-woman sound designing team, this leads to a very uncomfortable but very important truth: if the Penumbra does not make money, it will cease to exist.

The fact of the matter is that Sophie and I have put ourselves in a dangerous situation financially by carving out the time for this show, and that means the show is only possible so long as the money that comes in through Patreon, the store, fan donations, (some day) sponsors, and any other creative projects we carve out time to explore is at least enough to cover the difference between what Sophie makes part-time and what she could be making full-time.

And to be clear: the show does not cover that difference yet.

We’re not talking about money-grubbing, here, twiddling our moustaches and demanding to be paid in big sacks with cartoon dollar signs on them. We are talking about the actual, literal survival of this project hinging on whether or not it makes enough money for Sophie and I to live. That’s not greed. That’s us trying to stay alive and healthy. It’s the reason we actually can’t afford to do work for free anymore: our lives don’t have the time to support it. And it’s the reason that we are so endlessly grateful to our patrons, because we mean it literally when we say that the show would not exist without you.

This is why we can’t take on extra work for free by creating these transcripts. This is why we can’t ask our friends, many of whom are in similar situations to us and many of whom already do work for us for free, to make them for us either. This is also why we can’t give the scripts away for free: if all of our $7 script patrons became $4 early-release patrons because they could get the scripts otherwise, we would lose a significant amount of the money we need to make this show happen. And coming up with a different reward for the $7 level would necessitate even more unpaid work – which, again, we have neither the time nor means to do.

So should we provide you with transcripts for the sake of accessibility? Absolutely. It really frustrates me that we don’t. But the fact of the matter is this: given our constraints in time, energy, and money, we cannot do this for you.

I am so sorry to our fans with hearing and processing disabilities for whom this has been a frustration. We’ve been trying. But it’s taken us months to come to this, our unavoidable conclusion: we literally cannot do this for you.

—–

So tl;dr, Vibert, get to the point. The heck does all that mean?

It means that we want you to have transcripts, but cannot make them ourselves yet, and cannot afford to lose money because of the transcripts. It means that we need your continued financial support to keep this show running, and we need your help to make these transcripts a reality in the near future. When creative projects make enough money that we can pay everyone already on staff, it’s on our shortlist for the near future to pay someone to make transcripts. But if we’re going to have transcripts before then, we need your help.

We’re happy to get you all started with the transcripts we’ve already made, and we’re excited to promote the transcripts you make once they’ve been created, but before we do so we ask that they follow these guidelines so as not to contradict any of the points I’ve laid out above:

1)    The transcript cannot include any of the “bonus content” from the actors’ scripts, including character descriptions, parenthetical directions, sound or music suggestions, and silly jokes from silly lead writer Kevin Vibert (that’s me).

2)    The transcripts must be accurate to the actual lines, music cues, and sound effects in the episode, so as to be a useful tool to our fans with hearing and processing disabilities.

3)    We need several fans to read each transcript while listening to the episode to confirm its accuracy.

We want these to exist, Travelers. We want them to be part of the culture of our show because we care about accessibility, we care about telling stories for all people, and we care about you. But even checking the transcripts requires time we literally do not have. We need your help to make this happen, because we can’t do it alone.

So that conclusion, one more time, is this:

We are asking for help from you, the fans, in making these transcripts a reality. If fans create a tumblr or website that features fan-made transcripts of every episode, we will gladly post a link to it on our website and promote it whenever a new transcript has been completed. And should fans express interest in creating transcripts, we will be reblogging this post once every two weeks until all of the transcripts have been completed by you.

We hope some of you will help us help your fellow Travelers. We can’t do this alone.

With love, and stay healthy,

Kevin

PS: Once again, you can find a Google Drive folder with the transcripts we’ve already created, as well as a transcript that one of our intrepid fans created months ago, here. A big thanks to subtlepuns for taking the initiative for getting a transcript for the original Murderous Mask (Part 1) to us months ago, and apologies for not posting it sooner. We’ll do what we can to help make these supports a reality, Travelers – just know that trying to make this art for you and stay alive simultaneously is already stretching us to our limits, so unless you’re going to wait until we can relax those limits a bit we need your help now.

[nyhne]

92 things about roshon (with selected illustrations)

Tagged by @lordsardine​ thanks bab! C:

LAST:

1. Drink: water; I’ve been drinking out of a mason jar since I got to DC because the kitchen was so dirty that I couldn’t find any glasses and now the habit’s just stuck 2. Phone call: hohooo this morning with my mom and it was not!! a happy phone call!! 3. Text message: (counting Fb Messenger in this) “nice nice”

4. Song you listened to: Currently listening to my ‘Lollipop’ Pandora station after not having access to Pandora for the past year bc Germany, so right now it’s playing Be My Baby by the Ronettes 5. Time you cried: ho hooooooooooooooooooooooooo this morning!!!

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: lol haven’t really dated someone once so 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah 8. Been cheated on: see number 6 9. Lost someone special: dying-wise, yeah, but in terms of like...losing someone metaphorically-speaking then definitely  10. Been depressed: probably not actual depression 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah and personally I think if you’re an alcohol drinker, then you should go through this experience once in your life. hopefully not in an extremely damaging way, but it is something ‘everybody’ should experience, so to speak

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: red, blue, golden yellow or yellow-orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: ye c: 16. Fallen out of love: nah 17. Laughed until you cried: definitely 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I don’t think so but I don’t doubt that it happens lol 19. Met someone who changed you: much definitely! 20. Found out who your friends are: hmm, I would phrase it more as, did some more reflecting on some of my relations with folks but I don’t mean that in an evaluative sense, more just that folks change (very much including myself) and we all go through different parts of our lives that may or may not match with other folks we used to be close to 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: lol no

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: probably 95%? I think there are a handful of people I’ve never met face to face, but they’d all be folks I know through other people or are technically related to me 23. Do you have any pets: my very fluffy cat Humanity!!

24. Do you want to change your name: As much as it’d break my mom’s heart, I don’t actually feel a big connection to my (actual) name. But while part of me would love to officially go by Roshon, another part of me doesn’t just because I want to keep my “real life” and “internet life” (lol sorry I feel like that dates me in terms of internet history) separate and that feels too risky on possibly merging them. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: lol it was pretty much same as usual but in Berlin 26. What time did you wake up: around 7:30? Actually slept until my alarm today because roommate stayed over at a friend’s and I was exhausted yesterday so even the sun didn’t get me up 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably sleeping to be honest 28. Name something you can’t wait for: can’t really think of anything too big or in the future right now so I guess I’ll just say that I’m looking forward to my actual supervisor coming back on Wednesday- she was out all of last week and I really like her 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: idk whenever I left Colorado 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: alright let’s skip the sad stuff for now and just say height 31. What are you listening to right now: wait didn’t they already have this question? right now my Pandora station is playing its namesake, The Chordettes’ Lollipop 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have an uncle named Tom, and then I’ve known a few in college. Most recently one was in my study abroad program (coincidentally, the same one I had German class with sophomore year) 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: one of the interns at work; I think she has a bit of a superior attitude towards to those she perceives as being (usually intellectually) below her 34. Most visited website: tumblr, facebook, youtube, twitter in phases, and ao3

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: I don’t think so? like moles are a lot more...physical, right? 36. Mark/s: Well if I don’t have moles, I do have lots of little...beauty marks, I guess? bottom-left corner of lip, top-right corner of lip, under left eye, a smattering of paler ones around that one, and then lots of others all over my body; scars from cat scratches, scars from other stuff, surgery scar on left forearm 37. Childhood dream: idk what my actual childhood dream was, but definitely when I was more like preteen/early teen it was to be a chef lol 38. Hair color: asian inkwell ““““black”““ 39. Long or short hair: I always think of it medium-length, but I think it might actually be kinda long relatively speaking; it’s a bit past chest length 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nah 41. What do you like about yourself: that for the most part, I’m pretty good at actually limiting or restraining myself from stuff like spending money or eating things I don’t need to 42. Piercings: six; the two cartilage pretty much stay in all the time, the ones on my right ear go from big to small but I change out my two main lobe piercings on occasion, otherwise this is my “normal wear”

43. Blood type: I actually have no idea it’s probably recorded somewhere though 44. Nickname: the rosh 45. Relationship status: single and not-necessarily-ready-to-mingle-but-also-desperately-seeking-companionship 46. Zodiac: libra 47. Pronouns: alright this one gets complicated: I actually really like the idea of going without pronouns (if it can be avoided), but the only name I’d want folks to call me if they’re going pronounless is Roshon, which as said before is something that I contradictingly do not really want to do with folks I know “in real life.” So if it’s online, just Roshon is fine! They/them or she/her if you gotta. “In real life,” I honestly don’t care what pronouns are used, but I don’t necessarily tout that, so most people just use she/her and that’s okay. But yeah. Ultimately don’t care too much. Would probably prefer just Roshon or they/them if I could have it my way though c: (and don’t feel bad if you’ve been using she/hers or whatever for years, this is something I’m still figuring out and a lot of these (non-binding) “decisions” have only really come about within the last year. 48. Favorite TV Show: Brooklyn Nine Nine, uhhhh idk I was enjoying Project Runway when it was on Netflix. Parks and Rec? Steven Universe??

49. Tattoos: five at the moment! numbered in the order I got them: 1. is, if you’re familiar with my online character, Roshon, is the “identifying marking!” It’s an upsidedown fermata. got it right when I turned 18 and it’s the tattoo I’ve probably put the most thought it and is still the most dear to me. it’s the one that feels the most “natural” on my body, like it could just be another birthmark or whatever. that one’s on my inner left elbow; 2. this guy’s on my inner right forearm and I got it the summer before sophomore year. mostly inspired because I saw lots of moth tattoos I liked and I like the symbolism and stuff so I decided to get one; 3. my “dumb pinecone tattoo” which I say with a lot of affection because this one also symbolically means a lot to me. pinecone is supposed to be based off of ponderosa pines from Colorado, and it’s a play on the symbol in alchemy for ‘earth.’ on the back of my right calf, gotten at the end of my sophomore year; 4. gotten a bit spontaneously in Berlin at a studio’s special flash event, but this is honestly one of my favorites. also probably my favorite tattoo artist I’ve worked with. right under my left clavicle; 5. also gotten a bit spontaneously because a (relatively well-known) stick ‘n’ poke artist I’ve been following for years and love the work of happened to be guest artisting in Berlin (usually she works in remote Canada lol) so I got one of her flash pieces that’s a hand holding blades of grass. on my upper left arm

50. Right or left hand: right-handed 51. Surgery: wisdom teeth, and then the scar removal surgery on my arm 52. Hair dyed in different color: lol in like, freshman year of high school or whatever I got a part of the front part of my hair dyed red, but because I didn’t bleach it first (was too stubborn) it barely showed up. but I swear that even to this day I still see traces of it?? might be imagining that 53. Sport: nothing officially, just jog for exercise/pleasure 55. Vacation: probably anywhere in france 56. Pair of trainers: idk I like my current pair of running shoes but probably need new ones at this point

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: haven’t eaten dinner yet, but my friend is very nicely bringing me Indian food from the restaurant she works at because she knows I had a poopy day 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: I guess meet up with my friend? 61. Waiting for: see above 62. Want: to be happy 63. Get married: not really big on marriage as an idea or practice 64. Career: honestly idk anymore, I am enjoying museum work but I’m enjoying being in the education/visitors department a lot more than I thought I would

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs definitely, I’m a very physical connection person 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms to be honest 71. Sensitive or loud: uhhhhhh 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship i guess 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant?

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: I guess? 75. Drank hard liquor: yeah 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I’m not sure if I’ve ever “lost” contact lenses, more like forcefully throw them away when I get done with wearing them late at night and possibly when drunk so possibly at inopportune moments 77. Turned someone down: I think? 78. Sex on the first date: nah 79. Broken someone’s heart: idk 80. Had your heart broken: eh 81. Been arrested: nah 82. Cried when someone died: not really 83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: eh sometimes 85. Miracles: nah 86. Love at first sight: eh 87. Santa Claus: not really 88. Kiss on the first date: idk man

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: don’t uh, really like using the label ‘best friend’ 91. Eye color: asian brown lol 92. Favorite movie: idk Pacific Rim is pretty high up there

Thanks for reading through all that if you did lol idk if @gummyboots @erengelion or @ebooleant want to take it for a spin? 

[shou7]

Translation: I Want to Eat Your Pancreas by Yoru Sumino (Chapter 6)

Synopsis

One day, I - a high schooler - found a paperback in the hospital. The “Disease Coexistence Journal” was its title. It was a diary that my classmate, Sakura Yamauchi, had written in secret. Inside, it was written that due to her pancreatic disease, her days were numbered. And thus, I coincidentally went from Just-a-Classmate to a Secret-Knowing-Classmate. It was as if I were being drawn to her, who was my polar opposite. However, the world presented the girl that was already suffering from an illness with an equally cruel reality…

The best-selling, award-winning debut work by Yoru Sumino: “Bestsellers 2016 (Overall) by NIPPAN” - 4th Place “Bestsellers 2016 (Paperback Fiction) by NIPPAN” - 1st Place “Bestsellers 2016 (Overall) by TOHAN” - 5th Place “Bestsellers 2016 (Literary Books) by TOHAN” - 1st Place “Bookstore Grand Prix 2016” - 2nd Place “DA VINCI BOOK OF THE YEAR 2015” - 2nd Place “Bestsellers 2015 (Literary Books) by TOHAN” - 6th Place As of January 2017, this book has sold over 720,000 copies.

Please buy the book to support the author. (amazon.com)

Download the complete volume in PDF format here, or in ePUB format here.

(Chapter Index)

　

The girl had been hospitalised. The next time I saw her was Saturday that same week, in a hospital ward. The weather in the morning was cloudy, and the temperature pleasant. Having been informed of the visiting hours, I had come to pay her a so-called hospital visit, or rather, I had been summoned.

She was in a private ward. There weren’t any other visitors when I arrived. Dressed in a typical hospital gown with a tube hanging from her arm, was the girl facing the window doing some weird dance. When I called out to her from behind, she jumped up in shock and squealed noisily as she burrowed under her blanket. I sat down on the pipe chair that had been left beside the bed, waiting for the commotion to end. All of a sudden, she became quiet and sat back up on the bed as if nothing had happened. Her paroxysms knew neither time nor place.

“Don’t appear so suddenly, I was so embarrassed just now I thought I was going to die.”

“If you’re going to die in such an unprecedented manner, let me present you with something that’ll make you laugh for the rest of your life. Here, a visiting gift.”

“Huh, you didn’t have to! Ah, they’re strawberries! Let’s eat them. The plates and stuff are in the rack over there so go get them.”

Just as she had ordered, I retrieved two sets of plates and forks, as well as a knife, from the nearby white rack, and seated myself back on the chair. Incidentally, the strawberries had been bought with money my parents had given me after I’d told them I was going to the hospital to visit a classmate.

After removing the stems, I inquired about her condition as we ate the strawberries.

“It’s totally alright. The numbers were a bit weird, so my dad and mom were worried and fussing about getting me hospitalised, but I’m pretty much doing fine. I’ll be hospitalised for about two weeks, have some special drug inserted into my body, and after that I’ll be back in school.”

“By then it would already be summer vacation though.”

“Ah, that’s true. Then I’ve got to make plans for summer vacation with you huh.”

I looked at the end of the tube that extended from her arm. A bag containing transparent liquid hung from an iron pole that had casters attached. A single doubt came to mind.

“What did you tell others like Best-Friend-san, I mean, Kyouko-san?”

“I told Kyouko and the others that I had an appendix surgery. The hospital side is also covering it up for me. It looks like they’re quite worried for me, so it’s getting harder and harder to tell the truth y'know. What does Get-Along-kun, who pushed me down onto a bed a few days ago, think?”

“Hmm, I think you should properly tell Best-Friend-san, I mean, Kyouko-san one day though. But ultimately, I guess I should respect what you, who hugged me a few days ago, decide to do.”

“Don’t make me remember that! It’s so embarrassing! Before I die, I’m going to tell Kyouko about how you pushed me down, and then you’ll get killed without anyone knowing.”

“You’re actually going to turn your best friend into a criminal, the sin runs deep within you.”

“That said, what do you even mean by ‘Best-Friend-san’?”

“I refer to Kyouko-san as Best-Friend-san in my mind. In a familiar manner.”

“All I hear are formalities though. You mean it like ‘Section-Chief-san’, right?”

Appalled, she shrugged. She didn’t look the least bit different from how she usually did.

I had asked about her condition through our messages, but I was relieved to see that she really was doing fine. The truth was, I’d feared that the time of her death had suddenly been pushed forward. But as far as I could tell from looking at her, that didn’t seem to be the case. Her expression was bright and her movements were robust.

Having regained some peace of mind, I took out a newly bought, untouched notebook from my bag.

“Well then, now that you’re done with your snack, it’s time to study.”

“Whaaat, let’s just take it easy for a little longer!”

“I came here because you asked me to do this. Not to mention, you’ve already been taking it easy over here the entire time.”

Of course, there was a legitimate reason for me to come to the hospital apart from meeting her for the first time in a while. She had asked me to compile the materials taught during the supplementary lessons in the several days that she wasn’t going to school, and tutor her. She was shocked by how awfully honest I was when I promptly accepted her request. Honestly, how rude of her.

I handed her the new notebook, grabbed a pen, and imparted to her the summarised contents of the supplementary lessons. I cut out the parts I subjectively felt were fine not to remember, and gave an abridged lesson. She listened seriously for the most part. Including breaks, my mock lesson ended after about an hour and a half.

“Thanks so much, Get-Along-kun, you’re good at teaching huh, you should go become a teacher.”

“I don’t want to. And why do you only suggest jobs that will get me involved with humans?”

“I thought that maybe, in my stead, I’d have you do the things I actually wanted to do if I weren’t going to die.”

“If you say something like that, it’ll make me look bad for flat out refusing, so please stop.”

Giggling, she placed the notebook on the brown rack beside the bed. There were reading materials like magazines and manga lined up on its shelves. Surely, to an active human like her, this room must have been boring. After all, she was doing that weird dance earlier too.

It was late in the morning. Having been informed that Best-Friend-san was coming to visit around noon, I had meant to head home at 12 PM. When I told her about this, she gave me an invitation, “You could just join in the girls’ talk,” to which I politely refused. Playing teacher had left my stomach pretty empty, and more than anything, just confirming that she was fine had left me satisfied for the day.

“Then, before you go home - a magic trick, take a look at my magic trick.”

“Ooh, you’ve already picked it up?”

“Just a simple one. Though there are a couple others that I’m still working on.”

What she showcased was a magic trick that made use of poker cards. It was to - without looking - pick the card that the participant had chosen; I thought that it was well done given that she had learnt it in this short of a timespan. Since I had never studied magic tricks, I couldn’t understand the trick.

“I’m going to do an even harder one next time, so look forward to it!”

“I’ll look forward to it; maybe for your final magic trick, you should escape from a burning box.”

“You mean at a crematorium? That’s impossible you knooow.”

“Like I said, that kind of joke is-”

“Sakuraaa, you doin’ okay………… Wait, again?”

On reflex, I turned around to that lively voice. Best-Friend-san had entered the ward energetically, but her face twisted when she saw me. Recently, I’ve gotten the feeling that Best-Friend-san’s antagonistic attitude towards me was becoming increasingly obvious. At this rate, it didn’t seem like her wish for me to get along with Best-Friend-san after her death would become a reality.

I stood up from the chair, said my goodbyes, and proceeded to head home. Since Best-Friend-san was clearly glaring at me, I avoided letting our eyes meet. The animal programme last night had said it wasn’t good to look predators in the eye.

However, contrary to my wishful thinking for us to continue engaging in uninterrupted mutual avoidance, the girl on the bed suddenly remembered something outrageous, and blurted it out unfiltered.

“By the way, Get-Along-kun, what about Big Bro’s jersey and underwear that you borrowed?”

“Ah……”

I had never been so thoughtlessly cursed to this extent before. Today, though I had put her older brother’s clothes that I was lent into my bag, and had meant to return them, I had forgotten to do so.

However, there was nothing for me to say now.

I turned around, and saw the girl grinning, as a shocked expression surfaced on the face of Best-Friend-san, who had moved to the side of the bed. Trying my best to conceal my trembling, I retrieved a plastic carrier containing the set of clothes from my bag, and passed it to her.

“Tha~nks.”

Still grinning, she looked at both Best-Friend-san and me. I too, gave Best-Friend-san a quick glance. Perhaps I had a foolish desire to see something scary. Having recovered from the shock, Best-Friend-san was now glaring at me with eyes that could kill. Somehow, it felt as if she was roaring like a lion.

I immediately diverted my eyes away from Best-Friend-san, and quickly shuffled out of the room, hearing Best-Friend-san draw close to the girl and ask in an exceedingly low voice, “What do you mean by underwear?” So that I wouldn’t get dragged into something troublesome, I worked my feet faster and faster, further away from the room.

On Monday, the start of the following week, I headed to school and found that an extremely outrageous rumour about me had swept through the classroom.

Somehow, it seemed like it was a rumour about how I was stalking the girl. The one I heard about it from was the boy who would offer gum to me like it was an established custom. While I frowned at the nonsensical rumour, as expected, he offered me some gum while seemingly enjoying himself, to which I politely declined.

I tried to somehow deduce the origins of the rumours. Surely, somewhere along the way, there had probably been some number of sightings of the girl and I together, which had been then exaggerated into gossip that I was always around her. Having heard that, people who didn’t think well of me labelled me as a stalker in an act of ill-will, thus creating a rumour that was treated as if it were true - this was as far as my deduction got, but it may have still been nowhere near the truth.

Even if it didn’t come about in such a manner, I was still dismayed at how removed from reality the rumour was. As though some huge incident had occurred, almost every person in class was looking in my direction, whispering things like “there’s the stalker, better be careful”, having completely bought into the hearsay.

To say it once more - from the bottom of my heart, I was appalled. Just how could they accept so easily the views of the majority? Surely, if the thirty of them gathered together, they could probably kill a person without any hesitation. As long as one believed in their own righteousness, they could probably bring themselves to do anything. And all the while, they wouldn’t even realise that such a system was more machine than human.

That was why I thought that if the matter were to escalate, there would be an outbreak of bullying directed at me, but that was just me being overly self-conscious. To put it clearly, the one they were interested in was the girl, not me who was following after her.

No, I wasn’t even following after her. That was why, there was no benefit for them to take any action against me, and there was no need for me to do anything troublesome. But as for how Best-Friend-san would glare at me with interest - or perhaps just hostility – every day when I attended school, that was simply scary.

When I told her about the matter on my second visit on Tuesday, she burst out laughing, holding her pancreas.

“Kyouko, everyone, and Get-Along-kun are all interesting huh!”

“You’re the type that thinks talking behind people’s backs is amusing? What a horrible human.”

“What’s amusing is how everyone is getting involved with you - who they’ve never gotten involved with before - in a way that doesn’t make sense. And so, do you know how you got yourself into this sort of situation?”

“Isn’t it because I’ve been hanging out with you?”

“So you’re making it my fault? That’s not it though, it’s because you haven’t properly talked with everyone.”

She asserted while peeling mandarins on the bed.

“You see, they all don’t know Get-Along-kun’s character, so that’s why they’ve come to think like that. But clearing the mutual misunderstanding aside, I think you should try and get along with everyone.”

“I’m not going to do something that won’t benefit anyone though.”

It was something unnecessary for me, who would be alone once she was gone, and our classmates, who would forget about me without her around.

“I’m sure that once everyone knows more about you, they’ll properly understand that you’re an interesting person. Besides, I don’t think they really think badly of Get-Along-kun.”

While talking about foolish things and peeling mandarins, I thought of something.

“Apart from you and Kyouko-san, they don’t think of me as being anything but a ‘Plain-Classmate’.”

“Did you get that from asking the people themselves?”

She tilted her head to the side, as if she were striking at the core of my character.

“I didn’t ask. But I think that’s how it is…..”

“But you wouldn’t know that without asking the people themselves. Isn’t that just Get-Along-kun’s assumption? And that isn’t necessarily right.”

“It doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t right, after all, I’m not going to involve myself with anybody, and it’s nothing but my imagination, it’s just how I think it is. It’s an interest of mine to imagine what someone thinks of me when they call my name.”

“What’s with that self-absorption? Are you the self-absorbed sort of boy?

“Nope, I’m the prince of self-absorption that hails from the land of self-absorption. Show your respect.”

With an unamused face, she devoured the mandarins. I never thought of getting her to understand my system of values. She was the opposite sort of human from me after all.

She was a human that lived through getting involved with people. Her expressions and character had stories behind them. In contrast to that, all my human relationships outside of my family existed only within my head. It didn’t matter if I were liked or disliked as long no harm came to me - I’d been living with such thoughts. From the very beginning, I’d already given up on getting involved with people. As the opposite of her, I had no need for the humans around me. Though if asked whether that was fine, I’d just be troubled.

Having finished eating the mandarins, she carefully folded the peels together and tossed them at the trash can. The ball of skin sailed splendidly into the can, and just with that trivial event, she happily punched her fist into the air.

“By the way, what do you think I think of you?”

“Who knows, isn’t it something along the lines of ‘we get along’?”

At my appropriate response, she pouted.

“Bzzz, wrooong answer. Though I did think that before.”

I tilted my head to the side at the peculiar girl’s phrasing. She had thought that - in other words, it probably meant that her way of thinking hadn’t changed to that of others’, but she noticed that her own way of thinking was off the mark. Just a little, it interested me.

“Then, what do you think of me now?”

“If things like this were revealed, then human relations wouldn’t be interesting anymore. It’s because humans have no idea what they are to others that friendship and love are interesting y’know.”

“Like I thought, that’s how you think huh.”

“Huh? Have we talked about this before?”

Probably having really forgotten, she brought her eyebrows together, looking mystified. That expression was strange, and so I ended up laughing. I looked at myself, who had always been like an outsider, smiling honestly at someone. I was doubtful that I had become this sort of person without realising, but on the flip side, I felt that it was so. The one that made me like this was, without a doubt, the girl before my eyes. Though no one could know whether that was a good or bad thing. But regardless, I had changed quite a bit.

Looking at me smiling, she narrowed her eyes.

“I want to show everyone that ?????-kun is a really good person.”

Her voice was gentle. So she had the gall to say that sort of thing to the boy that had pushed her down. Though this probably meant that I’d regret doing that for the rest of my life.

“Everyone aside, you should go and tell Kyouko-san. She scares me.”

“I’m just saying but - that girl, she cares about her best friend, so that’s why she thinks you’re deceiving me.”

“Then I guess there’s a problem with your ability to communicate information huh. Even though Kyouko-san seems like she has a good head on her shoulders.”

“Hm, what, you’re showering Kyouko with praise. Are you thinking of fooling around with Kyouko after I die? Even I’m shocked.”

I devoured a mandarin segment as I looked back at her overreaction with an unamused face. She reseated herself on the bed seemingly disinterested, making me smile again.

“Well then, so for today’s magic trick…”

What she had picked up this time was how to make it look like the coin in her palm could disappear and reappear at her will. I got caught up in the programme, and similar to the previous trick, I thought it was excellent for a beginner. To me, who didn’t know anything, it just about made me think that she perhaps had an exceptional talent for this.

“Well I’ve been practicing the entire time after all! Since I don’t have time y’know.”

Wasn’t it because she had time that she was able to practice? I was about to politely insert such a jab, but I let it go to let her know that I wasn’t generous with jokes.

“If it’s like this, you really might become amazing after a year huh.”

“Hm, well, I guess!”

She had made a weird pause. Perhaps it was because she minded having her joke ignored. Since it couldn’t be helped, I honestly praised her hard work and its outcome. Spirits lifted, she smiled.

With that, my second hospital visit to her ended without any problems.

The problem arose for me alone on the way home from the hospital.

For me, the place that I would say I liked most in this world were bookshops, and so, on this day too, I had dropped by a bookshop on the way home from the hospital. Inside the store with an overworked air-conditioner, I browsed through its books. Fortunately, I hadn’t brought along the girl whom I would end up making wait, so there was no problem no matter how much time I wanted to spend here.

I didn’t have anything that I could be proud of, but I was confident in just my ability to concentrate while reading books. For example, if I wasn’t offered gum, or if the sound of the chime embedded within my body doesn’t ring, I could probably continue blocking out everything around me forever, reading a book in my own little world. Were I a wild herbivore, I’d surely daydream about other worlds without noticing any predators nearby, and end up getting eaten right away.

That was why, once I finished reading a short story within a paperback in one go, and returned to this world that would deprive a girl of her life through an illness, I realised it at long last.

There was a lion standing beside me.

I jumped up in shock, taken aback. With a large bag hanging from her shoulder, she was looking at the open book in her hands. But I could tell that she was clearly out to get me.

Perhaps, I could keep my footsteps silent, leave this place, and escape. But those fleeting hopes of mine were dashed right away.

“What do you think of Sakura?”

Behind that one line Best-Friend-san gave without any greeting or preamble, there was a force that seemed like it would chew me up if didn’t answer correctly.

I felt cold sweat drip down my back - I was stuck. Just what could the right answer be? But, when I thought about it, I realised something. With regard to that question from Best-Friend-san, everything but my feelings towards that girl was clear. I didn’t choose any path other than answering frankly with that truth.

“I don’t know.”

In the several seconds of silence that followed, I couldn’t be sure whether Best-Friend-san was at a loss, or hardening her resolve to kill, but by the time I realised it, my arm had been caught in the claws of the lion. Forcefully pulling me close to the point that I staggered, she spoke in an intimidating tone of voice.

“Even though that girl’s the way she is, she gets hurt more easily than others. So stop getting close to that girl with half-baked feelings. Because if she gets hurt ‘cause of that, I’ll kill you.”

I’ll kill you - it was different from the inconsequential threats elementary schoolers and middle schoolers made against their enemies, it was meant as a serious proclamation of her intentions to me. I shuddered.

Without saying anything more than that, Best-Friend-san left, leaving me desperately trying to somehow calm the beating of my heart that was rampaging throughout the bookstore. In the end, I was unable to leave that spot until I was offered gum by that classmate who just happened to enter the bookstore.

Just what did I think of that girl? That night, I tried seriously thinking about it.

But, as expected, I couldn’t even figure out anything close to an answer.

The day after I was almost preyed on, I suddenly received a message from the girl inviting me over. The last two times, I had been contacted a day before each visit, so this was something unusual. I thought that something had happened, but that wasn’t the case at all. As soon as I arrived, she began speaking with a resolute smile.

“Won’t you help me escape from the hospital?”

The girl had just wanted to unveil the mischief she’d thought of to me right away.

“I don’t want to, I still don’t want to turn into a murderer.”

“It’s fine, everyone will forgive you for breaking out a dying lover from the hospital who ends up dying midway, since it was an agreement.”

“According to your logic, wouldn’t it be forgivable even if I poured boiling water onto someone if they said to do so?”

“Huh, wouldn’t it?”

“It wouldn’t. It’s just normal physical assault. That’s why something like breaking you out of the hospital - do it with a lover that doesn’t mind shortening your lifespan.”

“Tsk,” looking like she was seriously quite disappointed, she twirled a rubber hairband on her finger. I was surprised. Could it be that she was actually thinking of having me take actions that would put her sickly self in danger? And then I got a shock. Even as a joke, she was actually suggesting foolish actions that would put what little remained of her own life in danger.

Or perhaps, it wasn’t a joke. I looked at her smiling face that was the same as always, and I got a sense of unease which felt like it would melt away and disappear at any moment.

After which, at her suggestion “well then, let’s get out of the ward”, we headed for the store on the third floor together. So that the tube protruding from her right hand would not be ripped out, she walked in front of me, carefully carrying the pouch of medicine with something that looked like a mic stand. Seeing her like this, she brought to mind the image of a sick person. That was what I thought.

On the sofa close to the store, while eating ice cream beside me, she began speaking. I didn’t understand why she suddenly brought up a topic like that.

“Hey, do you know why sakura bloom in spring?”

“You mean, yourself? In that case I don’t understand what you mean.”

“That’s not it, have I even once referred to myself by my own name? C-could it be, you, with another woman called Sakura…… So you were the unfaithful sort of man huh, wouldn’t it be better if you just died?’

“Stop trying to drag me along just because it seems like you’ll have nothing to do in heaven. That’s right, by all means, you should just have your funeral held on Tomobiki, Friend-Pulling Day.”

“No way, I want my friends to live, so that’s no good.”

“Then could you write down on some foolscap the reason you think it’s fine if I died, and submit it to me? So, about the reason sakura bloom in spring. Isn’t it just because it’s that sort of flower?”

I said the most sensible thing, and she laughed through her nose like she was genuinely dumb. I barely controlled myself from thrusting the lemon-flavoured ice candy I had in hand at her nose.

Seemingly having read my bad mood, she laughed frivolously, and explained the part she was trying to get at.

“I’ll tell you. After the sakura have scattered, the next generation of flower buds actually sprout in about three months. But they continue to slumber. They wait for it to become warm, and then they all bloom at once. In other words, sakura wait for the right time to bloom. Isn’t that wonderful?”

I heard what she had to say, and I thought that she was perhaps projecting a little too much intention onto the characteristics of a flower. It just waits for the pollen-carrying insects or birds - maybe both. However, I didn’t make that retort. As for why, it was because I had arrived at another opinion from a different perspective.

“I see, it’s really a perfect fit for your name.”

“Because they’re pretty? Aww, you’re making me blush”

“……It’s not like that, I just thought that the name of the flower that choses to bloom in spring was a perfect name for you, who thinks that meetings and happenings aren’t coincidences, but choices.”

After momentarily drawing a blank at my opinion, a smile broke on her face, and she said, “Thanks!” Perfect in this case was the same as suitable - it wasn’t meant as a compliment, so I couldn’t understand why she looked that happy.

“?????-kun’s name suits you pretty well too you know.”

“……I wonder.”

“After all, you’re: Someone who’s. Helping. Ill-fated me.  Get.  Along.”

She made that joke, proudly laughing while pointing back and forth between herself and I.

When I heard those words, I sped through all of our conversations up till now, and once again thought that something about her today really was weird.

She was nibbling at a watermelon popsicle, and just like always, it appeared as if she would continue to live forever. That hadn’t changed, and yet somewhere in her joke I could hear it - yes, it was as if it were the last day of summer vacation and she was frantically searching for something she hadn’t already done.

What happened?

That was what I wondered at the bottom of my heart. However, I didn’t ask her about it because I thought the fleeting impatience I saw inside of her was only natural. She had only a year left to live. To begin with, it should have been stranger for her to have been so easy-going about it.

That was why on that day, I decided to treat the sense of unease I got from her as an extremely trivial matter that was born merely from my own subjectivity.

I thought that it was the right thing to do.

　 

In spite of that, when I was next called down to the hospital ward on Saturday morning, the slight sense of unease I had felt showed its form right before my eyes.

When I entered the room at the designated time, she noticed my presence right away, and smiled as she called my name. But that smile was a little awkward.

It were as if she had meticulously drawn that vivid expression on her heart, and that let slip her anxiety. Subconsciously, I could feel that something was off.

I coaxed my cowardly feet forward, and sat down on the same pipe chair as usual. With a determined expression, she said something that didn’t differ from what I had come to expect.

“Hey…… ?????-kun.”

“……Yeah, what’s the matter?”

“Just one time is fine so-”

While she said that, she grabbed the poker cards that had been left on the rack.

“Truth or Dare - won’t you play it with me?”

“…………What for?”

A suggestion to play the devil’s game. Even though it looked like I could have immediately refused, I wanted to know why she would suddenly bring up something like that, and more than anything else, I was curious about her washed-out appearance.

Since she couldn’t answer right away, I continued speaking.

“So this means you have something you want to ask me no matter what, or something you want me to do no matter what huh. Or maybe, something that I’d decline if you asked norma-”

“It’s…… Not like that. You would probably tell me normally, but I’m unable to get myself together to ask, so I’m thinking of just leaving it up to luck.”

Just what in the world was she being so awfully ceremonious about that she was unable to articulate it? I wasn’t aware of keeping any secrets that would trouble her.

The girl gazed into my eyes. It was as if she was trying to get her strong will to push through. Mysteriously, her eyes erased any intention I had of defying her. It was because I was a reed boat. Or perhaps, it was because it was her who I was facing.

After some thought, I ended up making this sort of decision:

“……You did lend me a book after all. If it’s just one time, I’ll play along.”

“Thanks.”

She said just one word of gratitude, looking like she knew my answer beforehand, and began to shuffle the cards. As I thought, she was acting strange. She usually had a habit of saying unnecessary things like it was her livelihood, but today, she was speaking without adding any superfluous words. Wondering just what in the world had happened to her, curiosity and concern turned into yoghurt inside my heart.

The rules for Truth or Dare were the same as before. Since we were only playing one round, we took turns shuffling the cards five times each, then placed the stack on the bed for us to draw a card from wherever we liked.

After she went through a lot of trouble to pick one from a little beneath the middle, I took the first card from the top. Since their faces were obscured, we didn’t know where each card had ended up, so there wasn’t anything like a difference in the values between the cards we choose. Furthermore, I wasn’t as invested in this game as she was. She’d probably get angry if I said something like this, but this time, I’d have been fine with either winning or losing. If the match were to be decided based on the gap in fighting spirit and willpower, if the gods had created such a setting in this world, it was without a doubt her victory.

She’d probably say it – that it was interesting because it wasn’t like that.

We flipped over the cards at the same time, and she made a face that seemed to show heartfelt frustration.

“Waaah, this is, a complete defeat.”

She gripped onto the bedcover, like she was waiting for her disappointment to run off. I, who ended up winning, could do nothing but look on. Before long, she noticed my gaze and threw her disappointment away somewhere, breaking out into a smile.

“Can’t be helped huh! It’s just the way it is! That’s why it’s interesting!”

“…………I see, so it’s no good if I don’t think of a question huh.”

“It’s fine, I’ll answer whatever you want y’know? Do you want to hear about my first kiss, maybe?”

“I’m not going to spend this valuable right on that sort of question with a worth lower than an elevator.”

“……Elevators have their own worth though?”

“And so? What of it? Did you actually think I said something meaningful?”

With high spirits, she burst into laughter. Looking at her laughing, it made me think that perhaps it was just me overthinking she was different from normal. This time too, and the last time I came to the hospital as well - maybe there was no significant basis for the difference in her appearance. Any little thing could have caused her expression to change, like alcohol or the weather - those kinds of insignificant reasons. Yes, that was what I hoped.

I, who gained a right in the midst of my reluctance, wondered. What should I ask the girl? The interest I had in the girl hadn’t changed from when we last played this game. How in the world did a human like her come to be? Actually, there may have been one or two things that I was more curious about. For example, what she thought of me.

However, I didn’t have the courage to ask her those one or two things. A human like me came to be from cowardice - being with her made me realise that. I was like the reverse of the courageous girl.

I looked at her as I pondered over what to ask her. She was staring in my direction, in anticipation of a question. The girl that was seated quietly on the bed, just a little more than before, looked like she was dying.

Wanting to shake of that feeling, I decided on my question which simultaneously left my mouth.

“To you, what does it mean to live?”

“Waaah, you’re actually being serious about this.” After poking fun at me, she made a contemplative face and stared at the sky, thinking. “To live, huh,” she muttered.

With just that, I could tell that she was staring not at death but at life, and with just that - though it was by a miniscule amount - I felt my heart becoming lighter. I was a coward. I already knew, but somewhere inside me, I still couldn’t accept that she was going to die.

I recalled how distraught I’d become looking inside her bag in the hotel during the trip, and how she’d cornered me with her final question that day.

“Yeah! That’s it! I got it!”

She pointed upwards with her index finger, indicating that she had reached a conclusion. So that I wouldn’t miss any of her words, I perked up my ears.

“What it means to live, you see-”

“…………”

“Is surely the connecting of our hearts with someone else’s. Working towards that is what we call living.”

……Aah, I understand now.

Having realised it, I got goosebumps.

That which was referred to as her existence, through her gaze and voice, the heat of her will, and the trembling of her life - I realised that it made my soul quake.

“Acknowledging someone, getting to like someone, getting to hate someone, enjoying being together with someone, detesting being together with someone, holding hands with someone, hugging someone, and growing apart from someone. That, is living. If we were all alone, we wouldn’t know that we exist. I, who hates someone despite liking someone else, who enjoys being together with someone despite detesting being together with someone else - I think it’s because of those kinds of relationships that I have with people that I - not someone else - am living. I have a heart because everyone exists, and I have a body so that I can be touched by everyone. Right now, I, who was formed in such a manner, am living. Right here, I am still living. That’s why there’s meaning in people being born. Through our own choices, right now, right here, you, and me as well, are living.”

“…………”

“……Well, I did end up getting pretty heated, but was this actually an episode of Serious Teenage Forum?”

“Nope, this is a hospital ward.”

I answered exceedingly curtly. She puffed out her cheeks.

I hoped that she would let it go, since I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.

“…………”

“?????-kun……?”

This time, while listening to her words, for the first time, I was able to discover my true feelings that had accumulated at the deepest depths of my core. It was right beneath my nose by the time I realised, but despite having become a part of my heart itself, it was something that I hadn’t noticed till now. It was because I was a coward.

The answer that I had been seeking these past few days - no, actually forever - was now right there.

That’s right, I……you.

I had been suppressing those words, so it took my all.

“…………Really.”

“Ah, you’ve finally started talking again, what’s up? ?????-kun.”

“You’ve, really been teaching me a lot of things.”

“Wah, what’s this all of a sudden, it’s embarrassing.”

“It’s how I really feel. Thank you.”

“Are you running a fever?”

She placed her palm on my forehead. But naturally, since the temperature was normal, she tilted her head to the side. Or rather, did she really, seriously think that I was running a fever? Finding that amusing, I ended up laughing. Seeing such a sight, she once again pushed her palm towards me. I laughed again. And the cycle repeated itself.

Aaah, I was having fun. It’s because she was here.

Once she finally understood that I wasn’t running a fever, I gratefully suggested having the diced pineapples that I had bought for her.

Having said during the last hospital visit that pineapple would be good for my next visit, her face seemed to blossom with happiness.

While the two of us were enjoying the pineapples, she let out a sigh.

“A~ah, I don’t have any luck either huh.”

“For Truth or Dare? That’s true, but even if we weren’t playing the game, if it’s a question that I can answer, I’ll answer it for you.”

“It’s fine, since that’s just the outcome of the game.”

She had flatly refused. As before, I still hadn’t the slightest clue what she had wanted to ask.

Once we were done eating the snacks, I taught her the new material that had been discussed during the supplementary lessons, and then the customary magic trick presentation began. Since not much time had passed since the last visit, this time she did something simple using the magic props. As usual, I, who didn’t have a profound knowledge of magic, was honestly impressed. Even during our studying time and our magic trick time as well, I - who didn’t realised my own heart until just a little while ago - was looking only at her.

“Well then, it’s about time for me to go home. My stomach’s getting empty too after all.”

“Huh! You’re going home already?”

She thrashed about in protest like a child. Perhaps she dreaded the boredom of being alone in a hospital ward much more than I had thought.

“Isn’t it about time for you to have lunch? Besides, I don’t want to get devoured by Kyouko-san for lunch.”

“Pancreas too?”

“Maybe so, huh.”

I stood up while imagining myself getting preyed on by a carnivorous animal, and she cried out, “Hold on!”

“Hold on for a little longer - well then, I still have one last request.”

She beckoned me closer with a gesture of her hand. I approached her without the least bit of caution, and looking like she hadn’t any ill will or reservation or ulterior motive or hidden agenda or second thoughts or responsibility, she stretched out her upper body and embraced me.

I forgot the shock I had in response to her absolutely unexpected actions. Calm to the point that even I was surprised, I rested my chin on her shoulder. Sickly sweet.

“……Hey.”

“This is different from the other day y'know, this isn’t mischief.”

“…………Then, what?”

“Recently I’ve just strangely begun liking people’s body heat!”

I had a conviction of sorts about the manner in which she was speaking.

“Hey, the truth is it’s always been on my mind but-”

“My three sizes? Since my chest is pressing against you.”

“Are you sure you aren’t dumb?”

“Hahaha.”

“It’s about how you’ve been acting a little strange. Did something happen?”

Still in an embrace, no, to be accurate, still being wilfully embraced by her, I waited quietly for her answer. Unlike before, I didn’t think I was being made a fool of, rather, I thought that if she was fine with something like my body heat, she should just use it if she wanted to.

She slowly shook her head from side to side twice.

“……Nope, no~thing at all!”

Naturally, I didn’t believe that. But, I didn’t have the courage to get her to say what she didn’t want to say.

“It’s just that, I wanted to taste the truth and everyday life that you’ve been giving me.”

“…………I see.”

Well, even if I did have outrageous courage, and even if I didn’t, by this time, I was unable to do anything about not understanding the inside of her heart.

I really was forsaken by that thing known as timing.

While she was still silent, I heard the roar of a beast from behind me.

“Sakuraaa, good mor…… What, you….. Unforgivable!”

I pushed her away onto the bed, and while hearing her “kyaa”, I looked over my shoulder to find a classmate glaring at me with the face of the Devil. Even I couldn’t bring myself to look away. Best-Friend-san was slowly making her way towards me, and thinking of escaping, I moved backwards, but the bed blocked the way.

When Best-Friend-san was finally about to grab a hold of my collar, I received help from the one that probably should have been resting no matter what the circumstance. The girl quickly got off the bed and tightly hugged Best-Friend-san.

“I’ll calm Kyouko down, so-!”

“Ah, then, bye!”

Having been made to - or rather - in order to escape from Best-Friend-san, I left the ward. I was always running away whenever she arrived. Finally, as I masterfully ignored Best-Friend-san loudly screaming my name, my third visit came to an end. It felt like her sickly sweet scent still lingered on my body.

Just like I had expected - or perhaps I shouldn’t say it in such a manner, since I hadn’t actually gotten a clear idea about what had happened, but - the next day, on Sunday night, I received a message from the girl, and I learnt the truth behind the matter which she seemed to have been hiding that day.

The duration of her hospitalisation had been extended two weeks longer than planned.

　

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