#not me the the adorable chronically ill person with no institutional power

[petiolata]

Gave myself my first injection ✌️ I was less of a pussy about it than I expected, given I *am* squeamish about needles and have had vasovagal syncope (blacking out from getting a shot) in the past.

Amusingly enough, living in an unregulated hellhole red state is paying off for once...you can throw used needles in with your regular trash here, there's no laws saying you have to take them to a special medical waste disposal site or anything.

Which is kind of ??? since surely there is a reason other cities/states require that? but it is convenient I guess.

Anyway here's hoping this PITA shot was worth the effort and will help, instead of killing me or gives me MS like happens to some ppl.

[woveninyournerves]

The Undetectables (The Undetectables #1) - Courtney Smyth  

Started: January 30, 2025

Finished: February 11, 2025 

Pages: 448

Format: E-book, read on Libby 

Released: September 26, 2023

Publisher: Titan Books 

Series: The Undetectables 

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 3.5/5 

Average ratings by other reviewers: 3.52 on goodreads, 3.64 on StoryGraph

Genres: Fantasy, mystery, lgbtqia+ 

Plot: A quirky murder mystery set in a fantasy world, where the magical world (Occulture) and mundane world (Apparent) are set apart from one another, this series includes witches, ghosts, vampires, trolls, faeries, and other magical creatures. It focuses on a group of early twenty-something friends and their ghost pal as they set out to solve a serial killer case rocking their hometown of Wrackton. This series has the tagline “Be gay, solve crime, take naps …” 

[Image description: a handwritten book review of this book in author’s reading journal.]

Dislikes: This book is a little bit of a hot mess. It is full of meme-y dialogue that will not age well and sometimes feels forced or irrelevant. The characters sometimes speak in catch phrases rather than true dialogue. Sometimes it is clever and it works, but I frequently found it a bit annoying and unnecessary, and it also did not allow the dialogue to feel organic. The plot is also a bit messy. I worked out who the killer was very early on in the book even though these very intelligent amateur detectives did not even consider this until they were forced to. The story and writing also felt a little sloppy and could use another round of editing in my opinion; it felt hurried. Some parts of the world were not explained very well or a little more detail could have added to the atmosphere. Some events seemed to happen out of nowhere and for no (apparent ha ha) reason. This led things to feel like they were not genuine sometimes, especially the dynamics of Mallory and Cornelia. The heart to hearts felt unrealistic sometimes because of this. The language was easy to digest but the story did drag on at times and was sometimes hard to get through. 

Likes: Despite the issues I had with the book, I still enjoyed it and am going to read the next book in the series, The Undead Complex. I enjoyed the fun characters. I enjoyed the queer representation. There are nonbinary characters and several queer relationships, and the author is nonbinary as well. I also liked the way fibromyalgia was represented by the book’s main character, Mallory. I personally have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia as well as many other chronic illnesses, and love to see decent representation in books. I saw some reviewers complaining they felt this took away from Mallory’s character or the storytelling, but that is what fibromyalgia does. It disrupts everything you do completely, all the time, so this was a refreshing element for me. It also gave me an excuse to turn to my spouse and say, “See Mallory struggles with this too!” I also feel like the book captured what relationships among people in their early twenties are like very well, and especially those with chronic illnesses: the insecurities, struggles, confusion, and the deep love between the characters. I also appreciated the author’s interpretation of magic and how much energy it cost Mallory, as I feel this is true to reality and nice to be included in a fictional account of witchcraft. I also of course appreciated the mistrust of the police/justice system/politicians/those with power/institutions in general throughout the story and the strength and bravery of the team sticking to their values through to the end. 

Favorite Character(s): I related most to Mallory, but I absolutely adored Theodore and Diana. I think most of the characters in this book were great all in all, and lots of fun. 

Favorite Moment(s): The way the book portrayed the realities of living with chronic pain and fatigue as a young person was not fun of course, but very needed and accurate in my opinion. The loving joyous friendships were also a great, cozy part of this story. 

Other Notes: I want to see what happens to these characters and their relationships. I do hope the next book in the series is a little more put together, but I am looking forward to it. 

Where to Find a Copy of this Book: 

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I was able to read this particular title on Libby for free through my library. Always check out your local library or their ebook collections on apps like Libby, Hoopla, and Overdrive. If you have a local bookstore, always support them when you are able! 

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[jeremy-88]

The Owl House: Top 10 Episodes

The Owl House's first season was made up on nineteen great episodes, but as with any show there were some I loved more than others. And here's my top ten of them.

10 - Witches Before Wizards: The first episode might have done a great job of establishing both the main cast and the world they're having their stories in, but it was really the show's second outing that truly cemented that this wasn't going to be a typical children's fantasy tale. Luz, overwhelmed by her years of wanting the perfect escapist fantasy, is seemingly given exactly what she wants and, with her current mentor looking like something of a disappointment, goes along with it right into a trap. This episode's clear message is that, whatever ideas Luz and the audience have of epic adventures in other worlds needs to be jettisoned right here and now, as such thinking simply leads to those like Luz being taken advantage of. It also helped to establish Eda, both as an unconventional type of mentor, but also as someone who genuinely cares for Luz's well-being. It's a story that firmly tells us that, if good things are to happen to us, we need to make them happen instead of waiting for others to hand such things to us, and that even a place that comes off as creepy and horrifying can have its appeal when looked at the right way. A fine episode that does well at helping to acclimatise us to the world of the Boiling Isles.

9 - Something Ventured, Someone Framed: Gus didn't really have that many standout moments in the show in the same way that Willow did, but I can safely say that his first (and thus far only) spotlight episode was a good one. Most of the time he's used either as "the supportive friend" or as comic relief, but here we got to see other sides to him, like his insecurities at being the youngest among his peers, or the fears he feels over losing even the small position he has among them. It was also a good show of how Luz isn't the only one who's going to be causing problems at Hexside, as Gus was very much responsible for the shenanigans this time, but he does win points for taking the blame and accepting the consequences of it. Also, special mention must also go to Eda for her subplot of trying to get Luz into the school. It really went to show how much she cared for the girl, since she was willing to make nice with a place she personally loathed because she knew how good it would be for her apprentice. Between Gus and Eda, this was a good little Hexside story with some good development for its two prominent players.

8 - The Intruder: This episode marked an important moment of development for all three of the main characters. For Luz it was her first real step in learning how to use magic in this world, as well as showing just how quick she is to be able to use it in an immediate situation. For King we got to see a softer side to him than we'd been seeing up to this point, and just how much he values Luz as a friend and someone to teach. And for Eda, this was the moment we came to realise just why she's separate from the rest of the Boiling Isles' society. Her curse, which is portrayed in much the same way as something akin to a chronic illness that real-world people would have to deal with, is clearly a bother to her and something that would play a pivotal part of later stories. And the horror aesthetic is of course a good framing device for all of this, giving our characters a desperate situation to not only show of what they can do, but also reveal secrets like Eda's condition. It was a dark, intense and very character-driven story that served as a massive wake-up call to the fact that danger can very much be right at their doorstep in this series.

7 - I was a Teenage Abomination: Here we got our big introduction to Hexside, a location that would provide a great many other great stories and serve as an important place for Luz. In addition, the episode also gave us a number of supporting characters, like soon-to-be friends Willow and Gus, and perhaps one of the show's most complicated characters, Amity. Luz's first arrival onto the scene, both for this school and its students, would prove to be her first real impact on this world, which would of course have consequences aplenty further down the line. Now of course, schools for magic are no stranger to works of fantasy, but this show does well in making Hexside its own thing, with its own feel distinct from other such institutions in fiction. And of course we once again have Eda utterly stealing the show with her early-season disdain for the place and her horror at the thought of Luz wanting to go there, though she admittedly does at least soften to the friends she makes in her brief encounter. Overall, a fun and enjoyable introduction to one of the most important places in the show, as well as giving Luz her first taste of a place that would come to mean a great deal to her later on.

6 - Covention: Like with our introduction to Hexside, this episode gives us a lot of information about the world of the witches and how things typically work here. We're told of the coven system, the magical authority that governs magic, as well as why Eda specifically is opposed to them, but at the same time we have Luz, who despite respecting her teach is open-minded enough to want to learn more and make her own decision on the matter, which was a nice touch as far as I'm concerned as it showed she wasn't just blindly obedient. And speaking of Luz, we get her next step in her relationship to Amity here, as we once more have the two at odds, but with that conflict eventually changing into one where Amity understands Luz more and where we learn that there's more shades to Amity than simply being a school rival. Eda too gets growth as a character, as we have our big introduction to her sister and the knowledge that the two don't have the best of relationships, culminating in one of the show's thus-far best pieces of animation when the two eventually duel, which would of course serve only as a prelude to a fight that came later. Overall, Covention had a lot packed in, and it was executed nearly flawlessly.

5 - Adventures in the Elements: Fun fact, I'd sort of debated with myself over whether this or Lost in Language would be included here, since both episodes share a lot in common. Both feature Luz learning more while also taking action that puts her in a bad light with Amity and both heavily involve Edric and Emira. In the end though I decided that I enjoyed this one more, and what's more it served as another important milestone in Luz's education, since it's really the first time Eda actively goes out of her way to teach her about magic. Additionally, we get some hints as to the true nature of magic in this world, something that Luz comes to know more than even her own teacher. We get hints that Luz's ways are something that the oldest witches did back in the day but has since been forgotten, as Esa herself seems to only vaguely know how that ancient power was used. Also, it's another case of Amity warming up to Luz, to the point where I'd officially call this the moment where the two became friends. And of course Edric and Emira were far more hilarious and likeable here than they were in Lost in Language, so there's that too.

4 - Enchanting Grom Fright: Let me get the obvious stuff out of the way first. Yes, the Lumity shipping moments are adorable and a great milestone for Disney. And yes, that dance sequence was brilliantly animated and easily worth the thousand-plus times I've gone back and watched it. But as good as all that stuff is, what really makes this episode work for me is Luz. Not only do we get another example of her well-meaning nature getting her into trouble, which is something of a recurring theme in this show, but it's also the episode that really addresses her decision to leave her world and be in the Boiling Isles. Throughout the story she's shown to be worried about both her mother back home and what the latter might think if she knew what Luz had really been doing these past few weeks. It's an understandable fear that she's been avoiding for, quite possibly, the entirety of her time in the show, and by the time the episode ends she's fully accepted that she needs to speak to her mother far more than she'd been doing. That, alongside great stuff from other characters, Like Amity's own fears and King struggling to find an audience, made this episode a truly special watch for me.

3 - Wing it Like Witches: In terms of pure entertainment value, as in just sheer fun, this episode easily makes it to my personal top. However, given that the remaining episodes all did more in terms of character and story, I felt it wouldn't really be right to have this one be any higher. But, it's still a hugely enjoyable outing for the show, and one that I've re-watched several times over since it first aired. And it's surprising that that's the case, given that sports movies (or even parodies of them) aren't something I usually enjoy, and this episode has it as both its A and B plots. But I guess that's a testament to the episode if I managed to be delighted by the story in the face of that. The character of Boscha proved a good "love to hate" antagonist that Luz, Willow and Amity must overcome, and it's especially satisfying to finally see Amity in particular break away from that kind of toxic crowd for good. But, not one to be one-upped, Eda herself gets a similar trouble to face when she challenges her sister to the same game, and much like with Luz it's very good to see her come out on top. In terms of how much the characters are developed, this one probably isn't winning any awards, but in terms of just how much fun it was for me, it's easily one of the best The Owl House has to offer.

2 - Agony of a Witch: Disney have had plenty of moments where the episodes prior to the finale are among the darkest and most serious stuff they make, and Owl House, it appears, has one more to add to that collection. Agony is, without question, the most intense story of the entire first season. A darkest hour that I haven't seen from Disney TV for quite some time. It's a level of seriousness and danger that we all probably knew was coming, but likely weren't ready for when it finally came. Our main villain is revealed, the truth behind Eda's curse comes to light, and by the time it was all over it seemed as though all hope was lost. It was a real punch to the gut, and went to show just how much these characters had come to mean to me, given how distraught I felt at seeing them hurt like this. If I had one complaint, and this is no fault of this episode specifically, it's that the follow-up, the actual finale, never managed to capture the same feeling of intensity. But that's a very small criticism, and as I said, this was one hugely impressive episode that brought the stakes up to eleven and showed that this show had more than earned the right to do so.

1 - Understanding Willow: I'll admit upfront that I have some bias on this one, as Willow has consistently been one of my favourite characters in the show. So an episode devoted to delving into her backstory was pretty much guaranteed to get my interest. But credit where it's due, it actually impressed far more than just that initial hook, as we get our long-awaited explanation as to the reasons why she and Amity stopped being friends way back when, a point that was hinted at quite a few episodes back. It's one of those things I like about shows like this, where small bits of dialogue can come back and take centre stage in big ways like this. And of course, we have Luz coming into her own as the responsible one, taking charge and doing what she can for her friend. And it's great that this isn't a problem that she was directly responsible for, unless you count her flipping a photo over as her being the cause of all this. Amity gets plenty of growth as well as a truly gut-punching reveal as to what motivated her actions, and the remaining cast, like Eda and Gus, all have a pretty entertaining side-story of their own. All-in-all, this might seem like an odd choice, but to me Understanding Willow is just the complete package in terms of what I like about this show.

And that's my list. Hope you all enjoy these episodes as much as I do 🥰

[soviet-history-detective]

Legasov You Did Not Know

I am going to share an ingot of solid gold right now, the kind that will break your heart and ruin your day.

I have unearthed this some time ago from a book that’s been long out of print. It is the translation of a truly heart-wrenching eulogy written by his late widow, Margarita Mihailovna Legasova. There is a lot of new information about Legasov in this piece, the kind of things only the wife of 30 years would know. 

Defenceless Victor—Margarita Legasova’s title of her reminiscences 

This title in Trud was followed by a quotation by Valery Legasov:

There are two colour photos hanging in my office at work. One of them is of a Nuclear Atomic Plant, the other of storks. These photos hang near each other as a reminder of the close relationship between life, nature and technology, letting one know beforehand of the fragility of life, about the necessity to keep it. I recalled these photos when I worked in Chernobyl eliminating the consequences of the accident at the NPP. Really, could storks in the future, living on the earth, feel themselves to be safe with modern industry? Is such a peaceful coexistence possible? And if possible, then what should be done to achieve this?

It was not until 10 years after the accident and eight years after Valery Legasov’s death that his widow published a short memoir in Trud that unequivocally confirmed that her husband had committed suicide on 27 April 1988. They had first met when students in the same institute and together worked at a students’ building construction project in what were termed in the USSR as the virgin lands. Under the title Defenceless Victor she described her memories of Legasov’s troubled times at Chernobyl and the period afterwards when he was, to a certain extent, ostracized by the establishment. She also includes interesting comments on what life was like for a senior scientist and his family in the Soviet system: very different from the experiences of Western scientists.

***

Last year we at last completed erection of a gravestone on his grave. This was with thanks to my son and daughter and a few supporters and colleagues of the Academician who helped to cover the expenses. That day when the sculptor invited me to his workshop and showed me the completed work, Valery returned home in the form of his bronze sculpture. He often had to travel away on business trips, we tried to be patient and wait for his return, but on 27 April 1988 he was transported away, already lifeless, forever. 

On Saturday 26 April 1986, Valery left for an ordinary business meeting where he learned about the Chernobyl NPP accident and that evening he was already 2 km away from the destroyed reactor. Life seemingly continued but terrible forebodings did not allow us to relax and stop worrying about his health. After 27 April our acquaintances began to say that badly irradiated victims of the accident had begun to be transported to Moscow to Hospital No. 6. Nobody could tell me when he would return. 

On the morning of 5 May about 8am there was a ring at the door bell and Valery entered in a borrowed suit of clothes and carrying a polythene bag with belongings rather than his normal case. He was very thin, with a dark face, red eyes and the palms of his hands were tanned black. He only had time to wash, change, breakfast and ask about his two grandchildren before he had to leave at 10am for a meeting. There was no time to tell us what was the state of events at Chernobyl. Then at lunchtime one of his assistants telephoned and said that Boris Scherbina wanted him again at Chernobyl. 

It was only when he returned home later that he was able to tell us that he had personally entered the most dangerous areas in the fourth reactor and how shaken he was at the criminal carelessness displayed at the NPP before the explosion. 

He next returned home on 13 May and it seemed to us that the biggest difficulties were in the past: but we soon understood that we were mistaken. By summer Valery was already in poor health, suffering from frequent headaches, chronic insomnia, nausea and stomach illness. It was difficult to recognize the earlier Valery in this morally depressed man. He was taken many times for medical investigation to Hospital No. 6 of the atomic establishment. Heart insufficiency, serious leukocytosis, problems with his myelocytes and bone marrow were diagnosed, as well as neurosis. But no official diagnosis was made of radiation syndrome, although I had no doubt that it was so. 

He became an Academician at the early age of 45 but some of the leading figures of Soviet science called him ‘A boy from the chemical suburbs’. However, he was interesting to work with and liked jokes, being famous as an amusing raconteur, although everyone knew that science was the principal interest of his life. His private family life was unknown to his colleagues. 

For five years, 1964–69, we lived in a flat of 22 square metres at Nizhegorodskaya Street. Though we could use only communal transportation we often made trips together with our two little children to Kuskovo, Ostankino and Arkangelskoye. In Tsaritsino we enjoyed ski holidays. It now seems that these were the happiest times of our lives. 

Valery was a car enthusiast for the last 10 years of his life and loved driving at very high speeds. He had always wanted a private car and his first, which was also his last, was a GAZ-25 Volga which we bought in 1977 for 9500 roubles when he was a Candidate Member of the Academy of Sciences. The initial capital for the purchase was his quota from his State Prize received for his achievements in the field of chemistry. 

We usually celebrated New Year in the circle of our family, sometimes in a rest house. One of these days a pure bred chau chau puppy appeared in our family and it was assumed that it was my New Year’s gift. Ma Lu Thomas, as she was called, would recognize only Valery as his owner and loved being in our car. She was inseparable from him and died just after Valery’s death. He was also an adoring grandfather to Misha and Valerik and invented little poems for them and played charades. 

As a boy he received a musical education and for many years was interested in listening and understanding classical music: Grieg, Sibelius, Shostakovich and Prokofiev. He was also fond of Schnitke. Over the years we bought tickets for many concerts in the Tschaikovsky Concert Hall of the Musical Conservatoire. Valery’s last concert was in Lithuania in the summer of 1987: for flute and organ. Little did I know that soon afterwards Valery would make a first attempt to commit suicide. He swallowed a handful of Triptizol tablets but that time the physicians managed to save him. 

In one Soviet TV programme is was said that Academician Legasov was a sincere believer. It is not so. From autumn 1987 he began to read the Bible and thought much about what he read. He was not baptised a Christian, but respected religion even though he was brought up an atheist. 

He considered that the East was weak and during his business trips he tried to see as much as possible of culture. He very much wanted to visit one of the sacred Islamic places, the mausoleum of Hoja Ahmed Iasavi, and the monument erected in honour of the ancient Turkish poet who lived in the twelfth century and was an advocate of Sufism. We visited the ancient city of Yami and worshipped at the grave of the philosopher, and Valery often recalled his verses:

Having met a man of another faith 

Don’t be evil to him

The God does not like people

With a cruel heart...

After their death punishment

Waits for them...

On his return from the Chernobyl NPP Valery told very sparingly, with tears in his eyes, about the unpreparedness for the accident. Those days nobody could precisely estimate the number of victims, but Legasov understood better than others, the lack of necessary means of health protection: pure water, food products, iodine prophylaxis. 

In August 1986 Valery Legasov presented a report to IAEA experts at a meeting in Vienna, about the causes and the consequences of the accident. His five-hour report was very well received and he returned home triumphal. But soon his mood changed. During the last two years after the accident he suffered great psychological trauma and his inner strength was broken. 

Twice he was nominated for a high award from the State, and twice the nomination was cancelled. He received a suggestion that he might take up a position with the IAEA in the field of nuclear technology: again, obstacles appeared. There was also the planned nomination for Director of a Research Centre on the Problems of Industrial and Nuclear Safety: this came to nothing. His election as a Member of the French Academy of Sciences was apparently assured and although we went to Paris on 4 February 1988, his last business trip, he did not receive Membership. Also, just after his Paris trip he was hospitalized with acute leukocytosis, pneumonia and severe neurosis. 

Chernobyl was not only a tragedy of international importance but it was also the personal tragedy of the gifted scientist Valery Legasov. 

Source: Chernobyl Record- The Definitive History of the Chernobyl Catastrophe, R F Mould

Notes:

I had a feeling there was more to Legasov than what we see in the written material out there (I read Russian at upper intermediate level so I have access to quite a lot of info, and I have read the magnificent in-depth science-engineering reform articles of him which were absolutely jaw-dropping in their visionary quality. Yet some of the information in this article blew my mind.  Legasov’s intellectual side is far deeper than anyone’s guess, that is evident.

All the documentary films and other material mention Legasov took sleeping pills in his first suicide attempt in 1987, but it turns out it was Triptizol, which is the brand name of Amitriptyline -a powerful antidepressant prescribed for major depression and where SSRI’s don’t work. It has been used as sleeping medicine in the US, but I have no clue if it had such use in the USSR. It is known Legasov developed a serious insomnia problem, but he was also diagnosed with major clinical depression. 

Margarita Legasova was a professor of chemistry, they both graduated from the prestigious Mendeleev School of Chemistry, where they met (as mentioned in the beginning.)

The dog’s name sounds like it’s mistranscribed or something, in Russian language articles written by Legasov’s close friends she is mentioned as Tomka. Poor thing stopped eating after she realized he was gone forever and died shortly after.