#not me starting another boop war i cannot possibly win

[mixtercandy]

IM GONNA GET YOU.

Too late .. i have super booped AND evil booped you already... its JOEVER for u

[bonesaldente]

Caliginous I Darth Maul x Reader

Chapter 14: The Survival

Final Chapter of Part I

(see notes at the end for more)

ao3

previous chapter

chapter overview

words: ~3200

____

The morning air is chilly on your bare arms. Elbows leaning on the balustrade, you stare at the masses of water. They’re constantly in motion, never in one place for too long, yet still essentially the same wherever they are.

You never held much love for your guild, not for the people part of it and not for what they made you - a killer, cold, but not cold-blooded enough to not care. Dangerous enough for people to be wary of you, but not menacing enough to command people. You hold power, but only over yourself, and even that doesn’t seem to be yours entirely.

No, you don’t like the guild, but you can't imagine a life outside of the path they chose for you; there is not much you’re good at outside of fighting and murdering. Whatever you do, you always seem to revert to the same old ways.

“What’s on your mind?”

You didn’t hear Maul join you on the balcony, but seeing him stand next to you from the corner of your eye pulls you out of your thoughts.

“Just thinking. Lots of ‘What ifs’, nothing worth mentioning.”

He hums quietly.

“I sometimes wonder what would have been if I hadn’t been made what I am now. If I had been born free.”

It’s easier to talk like this when you are able to just stare off into the distance, not having to face anyone.

He doesn’t stop you, so you keep talking.

“Maybe I would be a bounty hunter. Live on my own terms, don’t rely on authorities but do things myself.”

“It would fit your skills,” he agrees.

You shrug. “Maybe in another life. I am with you now, and I intend on staying. That is,” you face him, “as long as you want me to.”

“Do you truly still question that?” The corner of his mouth twitches in a hint of a smile.

“I’m just making sure,” you mumble. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’d do if I were alone. This galaxy is too big to travel on your own.”

He looks at the sky in thought, blinking slowly.

“I won’t leave you alone.”

*

Morning came around faster than you expected it to. A service droid knocked on your door to drop off trays with food shortly after the sunset, delivering the first real food you’ve had in weeks.

It’s strangely casual to eat at that table with Maul; it doesn’t feel like you two are currently taking over a system, while also waging a war against the Jedi.

“I don’t like the Naboo… but their fruit is good,” you admit while the sweetness fills your mouth.

“Is it?”

“Try it,” you push your plate over to him, but he pushes it back without taking a piece.

“My species is carnivorous,” he explains, exposing his prominent canines to illustrate his point.

“Huh,” you tilt your head. How come you didn’t know that?

“You’re missing out, then.”

His nose crunches up in disgust. “It doesn’t seem all that appealing.”

When he moves his face like that, the black inking on his nose gives him a very youthful look, and you have the terrible urge to boop his nose.

Where are those thoughts coming from all of a sudden?

You just shake your head, proceeding to munch on the vast array of fruit, perfectly content with your choice of food.

“Gunray expects us in an hour for another briefing. We will then wait for my master to give us more intel on the plan of the queen, then we will come up with a strategy. It is likely we will have another encounter with her and her protectors soon.”

You sigh quietly, already dreading the moment you have to let him walk into a duel again. “Yeah.”

You just hope it won’t be so soon.

*

“We are sending all troops to meet this army assembling near the swamp. It appears to be made up of primitives.”

The blue hologram sways with the movement of the droid projecting it into the air.

“This will work to our advantage,” Lord Sidious remarks.

“I have your approval to proceed, then, my Lord?” The Neimoidian sounds nervous, not just because of your and Maul’s presence anymore, but also because of the hooded man speaking to him. You can’t blame him; Sidious gives you, too, a queasy feeling in your stomach.

“Wipe them out,” Sidious orders. “All of them.”

The transmission ends, and with it the tenseness in your muscles.

“They will try to use the battle as a diversion,” Maul points out.

“We shall prepare droid forces in the palace and ready ourselves for a possible ambush,” Gunray agrees, bowing to him. “And we can monitor the situation in the palace from the surveillance room.”

He leads the way along with his lieutenant, Maul and you following with a distance.

“He is concerned for his personal safety,” Maul murmurs, so that only you can hear it. “He fears they will capture him and hold him accountable.”

You lean in but don’t take your eyes off the billowing robes of the green skinned politician.

“He does seem like a coward.”

You barely manage to suppress a yelp when suddenly, he grabs your arm and pulls you behind a pillar, hidden from the view of the two oblivious men still walking.

His lips clash into yours with an urgency you can’t quite comprehend, while he pushes you into the stone of the pillar.

The surprise at his sudden display of affection hardly gives you time to enjoy it, and he pulls away much too fast.

“I… just got a feeling,” his eyes look troubled.

“A force-feeling?” You inquire, already knowing the answer.

A small nod confirms your guess.

“Should I be worried?”

He scans your face for a second.

“You already are. But no, you should not,”

“Well,” looking over his shoulder, you see the men have almost rounded the next corner, “I think we need to catch up with our green friends.”

He nods, but doesn’t pull away from you for another moment, something else hiding behind his glowing eyes, something you’re not sure you want to understand.

Everything is going to be alright. It has to.

*

“I thought the battle was going to take place far from here. This is too close!”

Your eyes are glued to the screen, which has just changed to an overview over the yard, where blasterfire can be heard from a distance, tanks smoking and exploding.

You track the movement of the attackers, trying to anticipate their next destination. Until now, the Jedi have been mowing through the droids as if it were nothing, slowly and steadily bringing down the palace’s defenses. The group of politicians in the room is growing anxious, and rightfully so.

“The hangar,” you finally pipe up, watching the men pile through an entrance on the west side. “They are headed for the hangar!”

“If they get a hold of the starfighters they could issue an attack on the droid control ship and shut down our army!” The viceroy exclaims, dread lacing his voice.

“We must move now.” Maul decides. “Focus your forces on the hangar.”

“But they do nothing against the Jedi, as long as-”

“I will take care of the Jedi.”

So this is it.

Secretly, you have been hoping the droids would be enough to finish the Jedi. A foolish, naive wish, but still, there is disappointment swirling in your blend of emotions.

“We should evacuate this room… To the throne room!” the lieutenant suggests, watching as another tank blows up.

The mood in the surveillance room shifts - the politicians didn’t expect to get caught up in an actual battle when they came here.

“I will stay here,” you quietly notify Maul.

It’s the only way I can still watch over you, remains unsaid.

The doors open and the people start to crowd out, Maul following last, waiting until the last man has turned his back to you two. Again, something is in the air, something that he is sensing but not telling you.

“See you in a bit?” You ask timidly.

“Yes,” His gloved hand brings you into his chest, your ear right over his jugular where you hear his steady pulse. The sound of life. You wish you would never hear anything else again. One hand holds your head close, the other intertwines your fingers briefly.

“Yes,” he repeats, with more resolve this time around.

It physically pains you when you have to let go, but you both know that you have to.

You keep yourself from watching his retreating form, telling yourself that you are overreacting and imagining a goodbye where there is only a “see you later”.

You click through the holocam views until you have found a good view on the hangar.

A full on shootout is happening, and several starfighters have already taken off. Droids are falling left and right, cut in half or hit by a deflected blaster bolt.

There is no sound, but it is clear they are speaking to each other now, planning their next steps. They start moving to the gate, but when it opens, it reveals none other than… Maul.

Looking as menacing as the first time you met him, he makes the group freeze in place. Your fingers tremble, knowing that a fight for life and death is about to start.

So much to lose… and what is to win? For you, it doesn’t matter if the Trade Federation will be able to have some kind of treaty with Naboo. You don’t even care if there will be two Jedi less to travel the galaxy; All you really want is for Maul to make it out of there alive.

The people surrounding the Jedi run through a smaller exit on the side, but it’s obvious that Maul is far past caring about anything other than the two targets before him. He removes his hood and drops his robe at the same time that the Jedi do, not once looking away from them. Even through a low resolution, flickering screen, the tension is evident.

With a practiced twirl, Maul ignites first one end of his red lightsaber, then the other, balancing it in front of his body.

The two Jedi follow his example and present their blue and green blades.

For a moment, it’s as if time stands still, the only indication of its progress your heartbeat thumping in your ears.

And then, the duel begins.

You wince, unable to breathe while watching the flurry of blue, green and red. They move much too fast for you to follow with your eyes, yet you can’t peel your eyes off the screen. It feels as though even blinking will cause you to miss something, and you can’t, you cannot miss even a second of this fight. What if he gets injured, or worse, while you’re not looking?

The duel moves closer to the generator complex. You watch the men balance and jump over narrow catwalks: A drop from this height would be deadly, and that’s without two men with lightsabers viciously attacking you.

You suck in a sharp breath when Maul manages to catapult the Jedi who looks like what they call a ‘padawan’ over the edge with a kick behind his back.

For the fraction of a second, you take your eyes off your lover and instead watch the blond man fall, huffing in disappointment when he manages to hold on to a ledge.

The next moment, Maul himself is sent flying, fortunately landing on a lower catwalk. He narrowly blocks the next attacks while still on his back, and you heave out a sigh of relief when he is back on his feet, out of the vulnerable position.

They get closer to the edge of what the holocam can capture, and you fumble with the keypad for a few seconds to get a better view.

When the different angle appears, everything is tinted red. It takes you a minute to understand that you’re looking at red force fields that separate the power generator room from the rest of the palace. Maul and the Jedi are on different sides of the fields, putting a pause on the intense fight. The Jedi master is meditating, while your Sith is pacing up and down like a wild animal, like a predator.

They must feel a change in the force, because simultaneously, they ignite their sabers again, just seconds before the force fields retract row by row. Immediately, the Jedi master is back on Maul, both of them moving backwards, inching closer to another deep drop, something that looks like a reactor shaft.

The padawan is once again separated by a force field, shuffling to a halt right before it closes. Both of you are stuck watching your partners fight; and what a fight it is. The exchange is faster than ever this time, yet everything seems to slow down to slow motion when Maul stuns the Jedi by knocking the handle of his lightsaber against the man’s head, then rams the blade right through his chest.

Your entire body relaxes in your seat. Just one more to go, this shouldn’t be a problem. Everything is going to be alright now. He has killed one of them, all that’s left is the padawan. Yeah, this won’t be a challenge. You’ll be reunited in no time and-

The field retracts once more and like a beast set loose, the padawan charges at Maul. It is an incredibly fast paced fight, faster than with the master, so fast that you have to force your eyes to focus on the spectacle.

A small gasp escapes you when his lightsaber is cut in half, one half flying off to the side, the other remaining in his hand when he is pushed on his back again.

“Get up, get up,” you mumble, watching as the padawan flips over him. Maul, of course, jumps back up before the other man can land any strikes, elegantly evading his attacks.

Their sabers clash, interlocking for a second, then Maul pushes the padawan back, using the force to shove him over the edge, sending him falling a few feet down the shaft, where he just barely manages to hold on to a pipe.

From your angle, the ground partially obscures your vision on the man, but an early sense of victory fills you. Now, you two will be able to leave and make your own decisions. You’ve proven your worth, and now-

Your skin feels numb.

You are still breathing, but there is no oxygen reaching your lungs. Reality seems so far away, so disconnected, as you stare. You stare and watch the Jedi padawan leap, summoning his master’s abandoned lightsaber, flying over Maul’s head.

And then, suddenly, Maul is falling.

Your body goes cold, then hot, then back to cold, bile rising up your throat.

A shaking hand clasps over your mouth, and it’s only then that you realize that your entire body is shaking.

Your vision blurs, all you can see is the padawan running to the body of his master, crouching down next to it.

Maul is just… gone. Disappeared, down the reactor shaft. How could this happen?

It’s not true, it’s not true, he can’t die, it can’t be,-

Trembling, your breaths coming out short, accompanied by a desperate sob, your fingers find the keypad again, and you rewind the footage. You have to see it again, you just have to, despite already knowing what’s coming.

The padawan jumps, Maul turns, the green blade slices right through his stomach.

You rewind again, and the same footage plays out in front of your eyes.

You rewind again, and again, until the images are burned into the back of your head. When you bury your face in your hands, instead of darkness, the same images welcome you. There is no escape from your emotions, but you still try.

 You don’t know where you’re going, all you know is that you need to get away. The sounds of blasterfire still echo in the corridors, but they are far away.

You wish they were here.

You wish you weren’t alone.

Passing a statue that looks familiar, your sense of orientation returns to you. If you turn left here, you should reach the hangar.

But do you really want to? Can you?

No, you can’t. You’ll break down, that much is certain, but do you have a choice? Could you live with yourself, not having gone to look with your own two eyes?

You pass multiple piles of droid remains, and some dead bodies clad in the maroon color of the Naboo guard, which does little to soothe your sorrow.

The hangar, too, is deserted, and you head straight for the high gate that you watched the men disappear through just minutes ago. Before everything changed.

The gate opens after you press a button on the control panel and you fall into a sprint to the generator. There is a glimmer of stupid, unreasonable, unjustified hope in you still, and the closer you get to the scene, the faster you run.

You round a corner and immediately crash into someone, stumbling backwards and barely catching yourself before falling.

Your jaw drops.

The man before your eyes is the Jedi padawan, the one who took everything, the one who killed Maul, staring at you with wide eyes as if he hadn’t just destroyed your life.

Behind him lies the body of his master - he must have dropped it when you ran into him.

He still hasn’t moved, and neither have you. He could kill you, quite easily probably, with as distraught you are. Maybe he should - it certainly would be more pleasant than Darth Sidious deciding to dispose of you. The thought alone sends you into another fit of shivers.

The padawan holds your stare for another moment, then he lifts his master’s body again and staggers past you.

You watch him leave in shock. He is not going to fight you? He is not going to even ask you why you are running towards the reactor? And you? Shouldn’t you at least try to get revenge for what he did? The killer of the one person you loved is right here, and you are letting him get away just like that.

But you are a survivor. You have always been.

And if letting the Jedi get away means you will live to see another day, then so be it. You will survive purely out of spite, and one day, you will get revenge.

You start running again, until the reactor shaft appears in your vision.

And of course he is not there. How would he? You watched him die, how could your desperate mind even let you think he might still be there, alive, hanging on to a pipe just like the Jedi did?

You sink to your knees, the tears running freely now, and you feel so, so alone in the universe.

 You will live, if only to live the days that were taken from him. There is still fire glowing in your chest, and the looming darkness that being alone presents will not be able to extinguish it.

‘Your purpose,’ his voice resounds in your head, ‘is to live.’

When he said that, you thought he meant that you are of no use to the cause if you are dead.

Not, that should he die, you shall live.

 “I will live,” Your whisper echoes through the air, the only answer you get the repetition of your own words, combined with dry sobs from somewhere deep in your chest.

You will live.

_____

So! Angst!! That's always fun :)))

I have already started planning and mapping out my ideas for a part two that's set during the Clone Wars era. I plan on posting a little teaser soon, but the story itself is still going to take some time. Also, my classes are starting again, so I don't know how much time I'm going to have.

I already have so many ideas for things I could do in a part II, and I'm really excited to share them in the near future :)

Thank you to everyone who has read this. It means the world to me when I hear somebody likes what my garbage brain produces.

All comments/messages/asks are welcome anytime, and I’m still going to be active on here <3

Everyone on the tag list: Unless you don’t want me to, I’ll keep tagging you for part II, if that’s ok :)

____

@princessayveke​ @spaghetti-666​ @larawl @noiralei @secretnerd00 @bagpipes606 @zabrak-show @brilliantbutbatty

[thunderheadfred]

*stomps foot*

OKAY. Here are some of my totally out-of-order brainstorms and uncensored word-vomit (so. much. capslock) re: my apparently unkillable Star Wars Prequel AU. It’s garbage and so am I but oh-fucking-well we knew this already.

I mean, this is all I’ve been able to fucking think about since TLJ, a film I still haven’t actually made up my mind on (but I keep leaning more and more toward a wishy-washy “ehhhhhhhhhhhh??”)

Hi, welcome to the new Star War. AKA: The Clone War. It starts right away, right in Episode I. 

Why… would it not? Why fucking waste a whole TWO movies, only to invent a poorly justified, overly complicated political scenario that only pays off at the END in the SECOND episode? 

Why show us so LITTLE of the Clone War, except via tie-in animated TV shows that I never watched because I was so fucking angry about the entire idea of taking the war out of the Star War? 

THE MOVIE IS CALLED STAR WARS IT NEEDS A WAR IN IT OMG

The Jedi are already a dying order, barely clinging to relevance. 

The Republic is a huge and sprawling bureaucratic clusterfuck, and there’s little the few remaining Jedi can or will do to fix it. They’re the last vestiges of a once glorious Old Republic, and at this point, they’re just trying to preserve what little remains of their religion. 

They’ve been known to intercede in extreme circumstances, popping out of the woodwork every few decades to turn the tide of some battle or other, which lends to their now-legendary reputation. 

But they don’t go from being one of the major powers in the universe (with a big glittering temple on Coruscant) to having Han Solo casually shrugging and calling them all a bunch of hokey losers in like… less than two decades. 

w ha t. no?

No R2 and Threepio. 

Like, I get it, you wanna sell toys with brand recognition but you guys. It’s Star Wars. Fucking sell some different toys. 

This coming from a woman who bought an R2-D2 carry-on during her fucking honeymoon. I love R2 but you should have invented A BRAND-NEW BOOP BOOP YOU COWARDS. 

*rubs BB-8 on the belly*

There’s no prophecy. There are no motherfucking wtf “midichlorians”

sorry, all that mumbo-jumbo was tragically lost in the same warehouse fire that claimed all the other pointless distractions in these hellpit disaster films

The closest we get to anything resembling a prophecy are a few cryptic yet giggly words from Yoda about the Force being out of balance throughout the galaxy, and various visions Yoda has had of the future - and all of these with many branches, many possible paths. 

Basically a very ESB-Yoda-Esque “ohhhhh the universe might be doomed but lol don’t listen to me I’m old and just want a nap, go away”

Queen Amidala is still young, Naboo is still gloriously beautiful, and the Gungans still exist, but the planet’s very existence is under direct threat by a crumbling Republic that is desperate to protect its borders at any cost. 

The conflict between the Gungans and the Naboo is based around a disagreement on how to deal with the threat of imminent destruction (all in the name of funding Palpatine’s Big Giant Scary Clone Army). The proud Gungans favor war, but Amidala knows that’s a fight they cannot win.

Going to be honest and admit that I love every fucking visual design decision made in the Phantom Menace (somehow this eye for style evaporated in the latter two prequels as soon as George Lucas’ boner for blue-screens ironically ruined special effects forever) 

And that includes Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar’s animation looks dated now but the design work on him and the underwater Gungan city were both chock-full of potential, imho. 

I just wish they all hadn’t sounded like… that.

Darth Maul doesn’t get thrown down a random reactor tube like a big baby, he lives to the sequels and gets more lines.

WHY INVENT A GUY THAT LOOKS LIKE SCI-FI PUNK SATAN YET HAS A POSH, BUTTERY-SMOOTH ENGLISH ACCENT AND THEN THROW HIM INTO A PIT 

WTF THIS IS MORE INSULTING THAN NIHLUS FUCKING KRYIK 

Yoda uses a lightsaber and starts bouncing off the walls like a ping-pong ball… as soon as I feel like CHEWING OFF ONE OF MY OWN FUCKING ARMS FOR FUN

crawl back into the Lament Configuration where you fucking BELONG, CGI lightsaber Yoda

I STILL WAKE UP SCREAMING AT NIGHT

No Jango Fett. No Boba Fett. Just…

Just stop.

No Qui-Gon Jinn.

I love you Liam Neeson, but what was the point of you in the prequels… like, at all? 

Instead, Obi-Wan should have been Yoda’s newly-Knighted apprentice, and he should have met and befriended Anakin all on his own like a goddamned grown up.

Cuz… why would you distract from the very foundations of the Vader+Ben relationship by adding in a throwaway character? 

I mean (haa haaaaaaa) unless you planned on only ever telling us about all Anakin and Obi-Wan’s - **totally tubular** - bonding experiences without EVER SHOWING US A SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF THOSE EXPERIENCES GGRAHARHAAHH

DON’T MIND ME I’M STILL IRREPARABLY DAMAGED BECAUSE OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN ONLY EVER SEEMED TO HAVE WITTY BANTER IN ELEVATORS 

AND IN SAID ELEVATORS ALL THEY DID WAS REFERENCE THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED AT SOME NEBULOUS POINT OFFSCREEN 

I MEAN WAS THIS SOME SPECIFIC SADOMASOCHISTIC KINK OF ONE OF THE PRODUCERS 

F U C K

Okay. And. *deep breath*

The Skywalker twins, Anakin and Adaleia

No mom in sight - all they’ve ever had is one another. As orphaned kids, they came up with their own last name, Skywalker, to represent their dreams of freedom 

BECAUSE FUCK YOU PREDESTINED MIDICHLORIAN VIRGIN BIRTHS

Aren’t goddamn babies. Teens/young-adults played by grown-ass human beings who can actually act their way out of a paper bag. 

I don’t hate Jake Lloyd OR Hayden Christensen. But GOD. They were both so poorly cast and badly directed that it hurts my liver to remember it.

Speaking of which: is the role of Anakin Skywalker cursed? I mean. Is it? Let’s be real. Was George Lucas ever dismissive to an old crone on the side of the road?

Oh– AND???????

Padme doesn’t fucking DIE. 

[thescribblesofaquill]

Does that make me crazy?

Plot: In the 1920′s, the reader is not only known as the greatest seer alive, but also as completely and utterly crazy. Grindelwald, who wants information involving his future, seeks her out.

She hummed under her breath, a tune that no-one had heard before. For now, she was the only one who knew it. “Thunderbolt and lightening, very very frightening me. Galileo Galileo…” floated through the air. She liked the song. Whoever this ‘Queen’ guy would be, he would be making some good music. For now though, she’d have to deal with the - according to her - rather boring music of the 1920’s.

A sharp whistle filled the air, and she jumped out of her couch towards the kettle on the stove. Continuing to hum, she pulled out four cups. When two minutes later the door burst open and three wizards stormed in, she stood there with the teacups on a tray and a big smile on her face.

“Tea?” she asked. 

They looked her up and down, taking in everything about her appearance. “It’s her alright” one of them said.

“Of course it’s me! Who else would I be? There’s no-one I’d rather be than me” she finished, unbeknownst to them quoting one of her favourite movies.

“You’re coming with us” another one said.

“You’re lucky you’re right, you know” she giggled. “Would’ve been awkward if you would have tried telling me the future and ending up being wrong. Now, are you sure you don’t want tea?”

“Can’t we just get her and leave already?” the third one sighed.

“Okay!” she smiled, dropped the tray and walked out of her small flat walking over the shards. “Allons-y!”

The others looked at each other incredulously. “He warned us she was crazy, but this?” one whispered.

“That’s because she knows she can’t escape him – no-one can.”

~ Time skip ~

A man burst into the living room in a mansion, out of breath. “They have her, sir – the seer – they’re bringing her in.”

“Excellent” the addressed man said. “Bring her to me at once.”

The first man nodded and rushed away while the other started to pace. He didn’t understand, how come they had found her so easily? She was supposed to be the greatest seer in the world, how was this possible? He had expected this to take months… It was like she didn’t even bother running away from him – and if that was the case, she was even crazier than he had expected. His name caused fear to strike in the heart of each witch and wizard across the world. Was she an exception? He got his answer immediately when the doors burst open once more and a (h/c) haired woman walked in.

“Gellert!” she exclaimed, “how nice to finally meet you!” She shook his hand excitedly. “I have to say, I’ve heard some great things about you, seen even greater! Though I have to say I’m rather disappointed by your men. I offered them tea and they said no! How rude!”

“Nice to meet you too” he grinned. “I have a feeling we’ll get along great.”

“No, we won’t” she shrugged, “you’ll hate me since I won’t tell you anything.”

The grin fell from his face and a dangerous look took its place immediately. “We’ll see about that” he hummed.

She laughed. “Puh-lease, Gellert, do you truly think you’re the only one who desires my knowledge?”

“Of course not. But you and I both know that I am unlike anyone you’ve ever met.” With that, he whipped out his wand, pointed it at her and shouted ‘legilimens!’

The images and sounds he received were absolutely chaotic.

My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon – a screaming goat – two big towers collapsing – people on the streets screaming about things he didn’t understand – where is my super suit? – Ich bin ein Berliner – a wizarding war at what seemed to be a castle – but none of it what he wanted to see. The longer he looked, the harder it became.

‘She’s crazy’ rang through his head as he left hers.

A long silence filled the room in which nobody moved. Everyone stared at Grindelwald, who was looking at the seer with sweat coating his eyebrow and heavy breathing.

“Put her in a cell” he managed after composing his thoughts.

They dragged her away as she giggled an ‘I told you so’.

…

She had been in the cold stone cell for three days.

“Mamaaaaa, life had juuuuuust beguuuuuun!! And nooow I’ve gone and throoown it aaalll awaaaaaayy!!!”

“Shut UP” a guard yelled. “You’ve been singing that song for days on end, you crazy hag!”

“But it’s so catchy” she whined.

“Just… Stop” he hissed.

“Fine” she muttered, crossing her arms with a pout. “Party pooper.”

Silence enveloped them, though it didn’t last long.

“Your skin makes me cry” she hummed.

“What?” the guard said, “S- skin?”

“You float like a feather in a beautiful world… I wish I was special, you’re so fucking special-”

“-Not another one-“ he groaned.

“- BUT I’M A CREEP! I’M A WEIRDOOOHOOOOHOOOOOOO!! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HEEEEEEEERE!!!”

“ENOUGH ALREADY!!” the guard shouted.

“… Sheesh, someone’s got a temper…” she muttered.

The guard sighed. Without him noticing she crawled closer to the cell’s door, practically sitting next to him and pressing her head to the cool bars.

“Hey mister Grumpy Gills…”

“Mister what now?”

“When life gets you down, you know what you’ve got to do?” she said as she booped his nose. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming…”

“All right, that’s it-“ he said as he jumped up and she fell to the floor laughing, “-I can’t take this anymore! Lewis! Your turn watching this mess!” he shouted as he stomped off.

“Huh” she said, “I wonder what I did wrong…”

…

“GOOD MORNING VIETNAAAAAAM!!!” she shouted as she threw open the doors. Grindelwald had called for her, and being her excited self, she had walked in by herself with his goons on her tail.

As soon as she walked in, he shouted ‘crucio!’ making her scream and fall down to the floor.

“Hashtag rude” she grumbled as she got to her knees.

“That’s how it’s going to be if you don’t tell me what I want to hear” he threatened, standing in front of her.

“Alright alright, don’t get your panties in a knot…” she huffed, slightly out of breath. “Ask me a question.”

“How do I reach my downfall?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes. “You have to be more specific than that. Because I can’t tell you if you fall down the stairs or something, my knowledge isn’t that specific…”

“How do I die?” he clarified.

A slight giggle escaped her throat. She immediately tried to stifle it, but it was of no use; soon, she was rolling on the floor, cackling like a maniac.

“Ooh, you’re going to love this one” she giggled. She got up, steadied herself and as if it were the greatest wisdom in the world she said: “It’s a Riddle.” Next, she was laughing once more, as if she had just made the best joke possible. ‘I-it’s – ahaha – a Riddle!” she wheezed between laughs.

“Answer my question!” he bellowed, but she just kept laughing.

“A- a Riddle!”

“Then tell me the damn riddle!” he demanded, which only made her laugh more.

“I just did, silly!”

He shook his head in bewilderment. “Absolutely crazy.”

He was losing his patience with her. Curse after curse he shot at her, but she stood firm, still claiming that it was a riddle. Eventually he just ordered to carry her away. She was locked back in her cell, while his frustration remained.

This quickly became a ritual; for a few weeks he would torture her to get the information he wanted, but he never succeeded. This did not only take a heavy toll on her, but on him as well; to torture someone for hours on end, but still hear their giggles through the screams, really messed with his mind. He didn’t understand her, and he hated not understanding.

That was, until he came to accept that she was just completely and utterly crazy. What other explanation was there? He had even tried entering her mind a few more times, but merely came to the conclusion that her brain was scrambled.

That’s why he decided to let her go. He thought about killing her, but something inside him stopped him from doing so. He didn’t know what it was – it was certainly not remorse, he had grown to hate her too much. Perhaps it was a simple form of curiosity? He never truly found out, only remained guessing, even when he watched her retreating back from the mansion he was in.

All he knew about it was that she was crazy, and that he wished he had never sought her out. He had spent too much time on her and had gained nothing but frustration and even more questions.

As she left, he heard her singing; “I remember when I lost my mind... There was something so pleasant about that place...”

~ Time skip to about 75 years later ~

Cold. Empty. Hungry.

Those were no new feelings to the once great wizard Gellert Grindelwald. Quite frankly, he just wanted it to end. He had had his time, but that time was now lost. All he did now was wait for his body to give up on him. It seemed, however, that fate had decided to spit in his face on last time.

A sound rang by the window and in came a face many feared, but not him. He had never feared the man currently standing in front of him. After all, what could Voldemort possibly take from him? His life? As if he would mind.

“So you have come” he said, looking at the white face of the new Dark Lord. “I thought you would... one day. But your journey was pointless. I never had it.”

Voldemort’s eyes narrowed in anger. “You lie.”

Grindelwald recognised the building fury easily, and realised he was going to die in that moment. But instead of feeling fear, he thought back of a young woman long ago. He hadn’t even meant to think of her, but his mind had decided differently.

Voldemort didn’t understand. One moment, the old man had been looking at him, and the next he was laughing as if someone had just made the best joke possible.

“A- a Riddle!” he wheezed, and kept on laughing. “A Riddle!”

Voldemort felt his rage grow.

“Kill me then!” Grindelwald shouted suddenly, laugh still audible his voice. “You will not win, you cannot win! That wand will never, ever be yours-“

And Voldemort’s fury broke.

As he looked down on the lifeless body a few seconds later, he came to accept that the old man had just been completely and utterly crazy, and left.