#not me making another ref for her after spending ages on the last one RIP

[rattini]

My sweet Southern belle wench, Minnow. I poured a lot into this and idk why because it's...a ref sheet lmao [ more info ] || [ playlist ]

[big-girl-toaster]

Emily Sonnett - player analysis

A compilation of Sonnett‘s strengths, weaknesses (cause everyone has them) and general observations from Portland and USWNT games (mostly from 2018 and 2019) ft. my irrelevant opinion.

Enjoy!

Before I’ll start a few notes:

I’m obviously not a professional soccer analyst person or whatever, so please don’t come for my ass. These are just patterns or reoccurring things in Sonnett’s game I observed while rewatching tons of PTFC and USWNT games. 

I will focus on a few key points, that doesn’t mean that she has deficiencies in other aspects, sometimes it’s just hard to show them and I tried to avoid stating arguments without giving visual evidence. (All the links and credits are below the gifs)

I would love it if you gave additions, feedback or criticism to this post but all in all I just hope that you enjoy reading a bit about Sonnett’s more professional side and soccer tactics in general.

Please let me know if the format is weird, I’m still figuring out how to make big posts.

I sincerely apologize for the low quality of gifs, as I said, I’m figuring things out and I wasn’t able to upload proper clips.

And lastly, Sonnett is a precious little bean and I enjoyed making this more than I should have. Also, did I use this as an excuse to spend days on end rewatching old games? Yes I did.

I will start with three main strengths I think she brings to the pitch:

Communication / Leading the back line                                               (this is in regards to her position with the Thorns, I will talk about the differences between PTFC/USWNT later on)

As a center back you naturally have a more responsible role in terms of shifting players that are in front of you and communicating things to them they can’t necessarily see. Sonnett embraces that role completely and at 25 years old she is at the level of world class CBs in that regard. A lot of players take on that role much later in their career. Her college coach Steve Swanson for the University of Virginia said about her:

"There is a standard of focus and intensity that Emily demands of the players that play around her. She’s not afraid to hold her teammates accountable in that regard. That was one of the unique aspects of our team dynamic this year, is that Emily's style of leadership is different than the team was used to. I think the team has recognized that the qualities Emily has, we need.“

http://www.espn.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/14100802/virginia-emily-sonnett

This clip I wanted to show you is from a situation that is very common for a defensive line but overlooked bc we as viewers naturally tend to look at the movement of the ball. It’s the intentional shifting of the back line in the exact right moment to let an opposing attacker run into offside. In the original video you can hear Sonnett shout “DROP THE LINE“ and Menges and Kling follow her movement which results in Alex being successfully caught offside at the side line. 

((Tumblr won’t let me upload video clips, so here’s a crappy gif (look at Sonny and Menges), click the link to get to youtube, it’s at 21:30))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JGM6Nju0b4

A simple moment but a very crucial part of back line coordination.

      2.    Box positioning

A.k.a. one of the most important parts of good defending. Sonnett covers runs from attackers almost always with textbook precision. She anticipates passes and is able intercept balls which makes her a proactive rather than a reactive player. When she does have to go for a tackle she brings a feistiness that she probably learnt from a certain Kelley O’Hara I can imagine. She usually opts for slide tackles and that decision could be debatable if you’re the coach but it’s just so good to look at tbh

(credit to @geekmythologys for the last gif)

But anyway, her box positioning. Having watched a lot of games with my eyes glued to number 16, I can of course safely say that Sonnett knows what she’s doing. But I’ve been thinking more and more that she often has a sort of intuitive approach when it comes to box positioning in particular. For this next clip I’m gonna need your opinion. Normally I wouldn’t tell Sonnett to abandon her player in that moment, especially bc it creates a 3v2 situation on the attackers left side and also considering the angle in which Dunn is facing the goal. However, she steps in and is able to block the ball.

to see it properly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ev3SFCmbqQ  at 15:40

What do you think?

Oh and this is just excellent clearance work. AD was certainly hyped about it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvcOuadyFu4

    3.   Offensive effort

Sonnett is one of the highest scoring CBs of the league but her offensive efforts aren’t measurable in just goals. For corner kicks she likes to do the near-post run Julie Ertz style and has been successful in the past, most notably the 2-0 in the semifinal 2017 against Orlando (which resulted in this gem of a gif):

She likes to stay up top for a bit when her position is covered by someone else and tbh I’m living for these moments.

Here she encourages quick playing and would have gotten through with it if the nwsl had good refs. She didn’t even touch her. (get it? haha) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOIDLJ4ZL1A

Here she drives the ball after winning it, even if her teammates are pushing up late and then she stays up front to participate in the counter attack. Unfortunately nothing evolves out of this situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ev3SFCmbqQ

Right. Those were the strengths, in terms of weaknesses, I don’t wanna pick apart the smallest things but this is what I found:

Misjudged midfield positioning

We’ve talked about her excellent positioning in the box, however, a huge part of modern soccer is having the Center Backs pushed up to the half-line (as well as inverted outside backs but that’s another point). And what I’ve noticed is that sometimes during turnovers Sonnett goes in to put pressure on the player and with that an even wider space opens up behind her that the opposing team could exploit. Like in this picture.

Blue is the ball movement, red (Sonnett) goes in when in my opinion green (Lindsey) should have been the one putting pressure on the ball bc now Daly can run into that open space. 

Luckily Sonnett’s speed prevents Houston from getting anything out of it but Daly tried it several times during the game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOIDLJ4ZL1A

My second example is that iconic tactical foul against ARod that we all remember.

Her positioning isn’t optimal, Klings pass isn’t the best, ARod gets her off of the wrong foot, she can’t turn around fast enough and has to stop her with a professional foul which is (I’ll say it again) demanded by coaches in situations like that. But anyway, tumblr has talked enough about this game rip

      2. Determining the biggest threat

This is a minor one, because Sonnett is usually really good at reading the game and making the right decisions. However in this game against Australia, she tries to cover the space behind Dahl which is technically reasonable but considering how wide open the Australian is, she should have closed her in earlier. That little hop inside the center of the field made the difference and the opposing player was able to score. 

I think it’s safe to say that stuff like this comes with age and experience. And again, Sonnett is only 25!

(The whole game against Australia is awesome for spotting strengths and weaknesses, plus we get tons of Sonny close-ups thus I can recommend rewatching it) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBNvE3owllY

Two more things I wanted to include are two risks that could be relevant in the future.

From time to time she doesn’t control her arm movement in the box.

This is obviously the natural thing you do when you make a move like that but with the new rules by Fifa, defenders are more and more limited and this would have been a penalty if it had hit her arm. Idk it could bite her in the ass at some point.

      2. Intuitive positioning 

We’ve talked about this and people might have different opinions on it. I personally think though that this might make the difference between a great and a world class defender. So I say go for it Sonny.

Phew, I’m almost done guys, congrats for getting this far, I hope it’s interesting at all.

The last thing I wanna mention is this: The difference between Portland Sonnett and National Team Sonnett, a.k.a. CB Sonnett and RB Sonnett.

Even though as a right back your role is more offensive, I feel like Sonnett has to be pushed to go for it. She rarely does those runs in behind the winger and towards the end line. When she does it it’s great but compared to Kelley she simply isn’t there yet. It also seems to me like for Portland she takes more liberties in pushing forward which maybe is a confidence thing as well. She is a given for the Thorns but had to fight to regain that roster spot for the NT in 2017 after not being called up for several months. Maybe the fear of making mistakes bc of being out of position hinders her a bit? (I’m saying this while being aware that I of course don’t know what the coaches want her to do and what the different game plans require of her.) Anyway, I love her 1v1 defending as RB. I think she is underrated and absolutely deserves a spot on the Olympic roster next year. 

One last low quality gif because we gotta stay on brand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBNvE3owllY

Well that’s it, I hope you enjoyed it. Again, I’d be grateful for additions, opinions, feedback, whatever. 

Thanks for reading :)

[franeridart]

Soooo Tumblr tagged your new post as "Content for Adults Only" and I can't see it 😢😢 srsly tumblr is pissing me off rn

Anon said:I don't understand how your most recent post about Denki is blocked by safety mode????? Like it's just your art of his birthday! I love the art of it tho, it's fantastic! Keep up the amazing work.

Anon said:*whispers* the thing you just posted contains sensetive media apperantly

Yeah it’s most probably Mineta isn’t it

(jk it was probs my inclination to swear my way through life’s fault, I asked for a review so it should be visible in a bit but for now you can see it here !!)

Anon said:!!! I didn't know when Kaminari's birthday was but his is the same as mine and I'm even more attached to him now !!! Thanks for bringing that info to my attention and also your doodles were amazing I love them and I hope you have a nice day!!

Yay for you and yay for him too!!!!!!!! I hope you’ll have a great birthday tomorrow, anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thank you!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I can't remember if you've already answered this question but in light of Kami's birthday - you once did a comic showing what everyone from the Bakusquad would get him for his birthday, so I wanted to know what do you think Bakugou would get all of his friends for their birthdays?

Bakugou has the hardest time coming up with birthday presents, presents are just Not A Thing He Does, he tries but it’s just ???? I mean think back to how he tried to cheer Kirishima up, that boy is so damn awkward - that said, given how all his friends gave him something he felt the need to show them he could reciprocate, so this is what he came up with: 

Sero’s actual tastes in material possessions are a total mystery for everyone, they make absolutely no sense, but what Bakugou KNOWS is that the fucker likes to eat his greens, so that’s what he did for him - he cooked the healthiest and tastiest meal he could manage to make, spent a whole damn lot of time researching it too, and Sero was honestly so touched (he loved it)

Jirou got a offer to go with her to a concert she couldn’t find anyone to go with - she hadn’t outright asked anyone, but it was clear she wanted to go but not alone - the band was too much for all of her friends, so she was sorta letting the idea of going go. Which is when Bakugou offhandedly mentioned that he’d heard there was the one gig from that one band and he was thinking of going since he liked that band and whatever she wanted to come or something? Bakugou had just spent the last day and a half listening to the band’s discography for the sake of making it believable and Jirou saw right through him (she didn’t mention it) (but man Bakugou could be seriously nice couldn’t he)

Mina’s present was to actually agree to go to her party. That was it. Mina’s parties are the opposite of Bakugou’s ideal place to spend a whole night at, they’re loud, and there’s drinking, and dancing, and the whole school is invited and it’s packed, so when she asked him to come she never thought he’d actually agree to go and stay the whole night, but boy did he. He also let her pick his outfit (Mina recognized the effort for the present it was. She was delighted)

Kaminari got a shopping trip - it went like this: Bakugou mentioned he was going to the mall, which always ends up with Kaminari tagging along just to go window shopping. So he stopped in front of the windows, pointed at stuff, made noises about the deals, and Bakugou went “wait here” and then went in and bought whatever Kaminari had been excited about. It happened four times before Kaminari caught on, and then Bakugou literally had to threaten him to make him stop holding back “I’m deciding I wanna do this so I’m doing this” (he still held back, but by the end of it Kaminari had actually whined the sentence “Bakugou please” pointing at yet another jacket or shirt of necklace way more than once) (he was so damn happy he didn’t even think about how he had absolutely no space for everything he’d just bought to fit in his room)

Kirishima was the hardest one (pun intended). Kirishima was actually so difficult Bakugou spent months thinking about what to get him and came up empty handed anyway. He was so damn complicated that Bakugou sucked up his pride and straight out asked him what he wanted for his birthday. “I don’t want to fuck this up”, he said, and Kirishima smiled so hard and so wide and so bright, it felt like enough of a present for him just hearing that. He told him he wanted to spend the day with him, so they did that - studied, sparred, ate, hung with the others. Bakugou didn’t think it was enough of a present since honestly it felt like any other day, but Kirishima was happy, so he guessed it was fine (he found and bought a super rare super expensive Crimson Riot figure to gift him anyway) (Kirishima cried)

Anon said:You are so awesome!!!

sob thank you SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;A;

Anon said:It's t[odobak]u week! It's honestly a ship I never thought about, but ever since I saw fanart about them I've been thinking about their dynamic as a couple. How would that even work with their personalities? I know you don't really ship Katsuki with anyone else but Kiri, but let's say for some reason Bakugou and Todoroki got together. How would you describe their complicated relationship/dynamic? I've been thinking about it ever since I saw that fanart Q_Q

I talked about my feelings for these two’s relationship here!! But in all honesty I just can’t see them as romantics (if I could I’d probably ship it hah) so I can’t say how it’d work for them in a relationship of that kind... mostly because all I can think of as an answer is “it wouldn’t work” haha rip

Anon said:I love when you draw Bakugou being a big old softy

Fun fact: I take the fact that Mitsuki is unapologetically soft to Masaru as a good enough proof that in a romantic relationship Bakugou would be the softest to his partner - he’s already soft enough for Kirishima, can you imagine how much more he’d be after being openly in love with him for years? (I can) (it’s beautiful)

Anon said:More adult!AU please!!!!!!!!!!!

Uhhhhhhhhhhh sure, but it wasn’t really an AU tho! It’s just me playing around with their designs a bit, I’ve been drawing them aged up now and again for a while now (tho I admit mostly what stays constant in the design is only the hairstyles, everything else changes based on how I’m feeling it atm) anyway yeah, more will come in the future! Can’t promise the designs will stay totally unchanged, tho haha

Anon said:We only have to last one more day until the next chapter (probably) kills us all with the feels. Thank you to you and your art for getting me through this terrible week of waiting.

;A; you’re welcome, I’m trying to keep myself sane with my own doodles too so helping you along is a beautiful most welcome side-effect

Anon said:Could i have a ref of your adult kiribaku scars? if not i understand! have a great day!

No probs, just, I can’t draw right now cause of hand-problems so you’ll have to make do with me telling you where they are? Also that’s just how I went for it in that drawing, it’s nothing set in stone, really, I keep on adding and moving them around every time I draw them

The only scars Bakugou has there are on his palms - cover the whole of it and reach a bit on the inside of his wrist too, they’re burn scars and come from overusing his quirk one too many times. Kirishima’s got more - aside from the canon eye one he’s got one on the left side of his mouth, one on each forearm in the same spots he’s been hurt in the latest chapter, and one covering most part of his upper back (this one he got protecting civilians with his own body too often and breaking one time too many)

Anon said:I don't know if you take request or not but if you do, could you draw adult bakugou with baby kirishima and vice versa, please? 😙😊

I already have tho!! x x x

Anon said: Holy crap, scarred up hottie Kirishima with the black roots saved my life

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! glad you liked him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:denki at the end of your last post is me xD

*whispers* honestly same

Anon said:Okay but think about how fucking pissed Baku would be if Todoroki tripped and fell and broke his ankle walking up the the battle arena and they didn't even get to fight because Todoroki can't even stand.

Listen, listen, if anything like this happened Bakugou would take Todoroki off his list of worthy rivals asap why was he ever even interested in this guy why did he even waste his time like this he’s so done

Anon said:I just got my wisdom teeth removed and can't pronounce "f" , and all I can think ab is Bakugo, in the same case, being pissed as hell because he can't say "fuck" anymore

That’s the moment the squad learns that Bakugou uses the word fuck out of convenience and not because it’s the only one he knows, really (did all those swear words even exist) (how does he even know so many)

Anon said:Fran I just found out why you've stopped posting Haikyuu as much and?? I feel so bad?? Because you're absolutely right, the fandom might be pretty healthy compared to others but it a certain idea of what should be and what shouldn't be. Like the minute you get into the fandom you're bombarded with the "canon" ships (which aren't even canon smh) and then there's other ships which are just automatically designated as "brotp" and if you don't follow the norm then you get hate. (1/2)

And it just makes me feel terrible because you obviously love(d?) Haikyuu a lot, and drawing for it, but then the fandom basically forced you to leave. And that just makes me really really sad. I used to be sad that you didn't draw for Haikyuu much anymore (because despite fandom I do love the series very much) but now I'm just. Really glad that you found BNHA and are having fun drawing for it. Ahaha this is kinda pointless but I really respect you and so?? Just keep doing you

Thank you so much oh my god orz it’s... true, posting for hq hasn’t been half as fun as it used to be, lately, but I do still enjoy it! Between everything the fact that the fandom is sort of asleep atm does make me lose even the last motivation to draw more, so! I’m pretty confident as soon as the fandom wakes back up I’ll start posting more for it again! After all I love the show and all the characters a lot still~

Anon said:*chanting* Draw that hair angst! Draw that hair angst!

I’m trying !!! (tomorrow might just be the right day)

Anon said:i just recently started watching bnha and i'm IN LOVE!!!! i'm also glad i can appreciate your art more bc now i actually know who the characters are 😂

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m SO GLAD you’re liking it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thank you SO MUCH for sticking around even while you didn’t know the show!!!!

Anon said:i love your art!!!!!! im gay!!!!!

tHANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and great for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:  I can't believe Kirishima wears Franeridart brand knickers

It’s the most popular brand on this blog, really

Anon said:bro i don't even read/watch bnha. why am i so invested in these kids. it's,, it's your fault isn't it. you're being paid by horikoshi (is that the mangaka's name?) to reel us all in aren't you. EXPOSED, FRAN

Joke’s on me anon, I’m not even being paid for this (lol) (since you like the kids you should really give the show a try, tho *nudge nudge*)

Anon said:hi just a friendly reminder that kirishima eijirou is amazing and incredible and so are you

Being given the same compliments given to Kirishima might as well be the best thing ever happened to me.... oh my gods.............. thank you............

Anon said:There's only one way for me to find out if my Quirk is breathing under water

Anon no

[junker-town]

NFL Dad: 6 hours of RedZone with 2 kids under the age of 3

Football’s back! But the kids are still around. One dad’s diary of the enervating journey to heartbreak and bedtime.

Killing time until 1:00 p.m. Eastern during football season used to feel like an eternity. Wake up at 11, eat a breakfast sandwich, set fantasy lineups, and then ... wait. Maybe go to a bar? Yes, I would go to a bar and watch dozens of TVs at once and drink all the beer I wanted for three or 7 hours.

That was another lifetime. Today, I spend my morning at a 3-year-old’s birthday with my wife, daughter (almost 3), and son (16 months). The party, which is three miles from our home, requires us to pack enough provisions for an Arctic expedition, yet I eat no breakfast and pack no food for myself; I am too preoccupied with the high-wire act of keeping two toddlers happy and entertained without resorting to bribery.

Because the kids’ naps (and my job) start at 1:00, my wife and I vow to leave the party at EXACTLY noon. We leave at 12:15. My son falls asleep in the stroller, practically guaranteeing he won’t take his usual 2-hour nap. But that doesn’t mean we won’t TRY to get him to sleep. We arrive home at 1:00. I take off my son’s shoes and dunk him in his crib like Shawn Kemp cleaning up the glass.

I turn on the TV, and Scott Hanson’s handsome visage fills the screen. I instantly have the same feeling that people used to have for news anchors: here is a steady voice to guide me through the coming storm.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— The Titans, hosting the Raiders, begin their season with an onside kick attempt; it fails, and Derek Carr will start at midfield. The Browns begin their season by getting a punt blocked, which the Steelers recover for a touchdown. Marshawn Lynch rumbles through traffic for a gain of 14 on his first carry as a Raider. Matt Stafford throws a pick-6. Amari Cooper catches a touchdown. The Jets intercept a Tyrod Taylor pass in the end zone, but fumble the ball back during the return? I can’t be sure about that last part, because I’m reading to my daughter before her nap. Mr. Plumbean has a big orange splot of paint on his roof, and the neighborhood association is PISSED.

On third-and-12, Carson Wentz evades most of the Washington defense and hucks it downfield to a wide-open Nelson Agholor, who races in for a 58-yard score. I have now seen multiple touchdowns scored on offense, plus defensive and special teams scores, AND I’ve read a children’s book. It has been 15 minutes since I turned the TV on.

— At 1:20, with both kids in bed and Marcus Mariota scoring on a zone-read keeper, my wife leaves to run some errands. “Is that my son making noise?” I think to myself as she closes the door. Surely not!

1:22 — He is definitely awake. I go to check his diaper; it’s dry. I sing him a song and put him back down.

1:26 — I leave my son’s room to the sound of my daughter calling me. She needs a diaper change. I sing her a song and put her back down.

1:31 — I leave my daughter’s room to the sound of my son crying. The Ravens intercept Andy Dalton as I pour a bottle of milk. SLEEP, YOU ADORABLE VAMPIRES.

— In Nashville, the Raiders go for it on fourth-and-1 inside the Titans’ 5. Marshawn Lynch sidesteps an unblocked defender in the backfield, then fights two more defenders to move the chains. Now facing first-and-goal from the 2, the Raiders proceed to:

throw incomplete to Amari Cooper on first down,

throw incomplete to Amari Cooper on second down, and

throw incomplete to Amari Cooper on third down.

Goddammit, Raiders! You indefensible slugwits. Did Super Bowl XLIX teach you nothing? THE SEAHAWKS DIED SO THAT YOU MAY LIVE.

And well well well, looky here. It’s Derek Carr taking shots at the Seahawks’ play calling back in June.

"There's no we'll be on the 1 yard line and I won't give it to Marshawn, I'll throw it." http://pic.twitter.com/0yhqrWEFWT

— NBCS Raiders News (@NBCSRaiders) June 23, 2017

ENJOY REGRESSING TO THE MEAN, FRESNO BOY.

— My son is making noise in his crib, but he isn’t crying. He’s probably having fun by himself in the dark room, right? I leave him be. As Andy Dalton throws another interception, I text my wife and beg her to come help. She’s nearby! Parenting: successfully dodged.

— Jordan Howard scores for the Bears to tie Atlanta 10-10 just before halftime. There’s a ton of Twitter chatter about Tarik Cohen, a player I have definitely heard about before today, because I am a fantasy football savant and professional NFL commentator. Like, who doesn’t know that Cohen, uh ... (*opens new tab*)

I only went to this page to add information to it!

... is an American football running back? And that he played the same position for North Caroline A&T? Common knowledge for even the most common fan, says this dedicated NFL expert.

— Chris Thompson scores an incredible touchdown for Washington:

6? 7? 8? More? Let’s count how many defenders Chris Thompson made miss on this CRAZY @redskins TD. #HTTR http://pic.twitter.com/iHnmjE4nnG

— NFL (@NFL) September 10, 2017

Yes, it was pitiful tackling from the Eagles, but credit Thompson for staying on his feet through the contact. Kind of unfair that Kirk Cousins gets credit for throwing that touchdown.

— In Houston, where J.J. Watt received a hero’s welcome when he stepped on the field, the Texans are getting worked by the Jaguars. Tom Savage fumbles, resulting in a scoop-and-score for the Jags, but it’s overturned on review — his arm was moving forward before he lost the ball. The telecast barely has time to show that Calais Campbell has 3.5 sacks in the first half when Savage is sacked and fumbles AGAIN, resulting in another defensive score. For a moment, I thought I was watching a replay of the previous fumble return touchdown, but no: this is a different play, and this time it counts. The Jags go into halftime up 19-0; Tom Savage has been sacked six times while leading Houston to 52 yards of offense.

— Through 100 minutes of RedZone, I have seen one offensive play from the Jets: a 1-yard pass. Granted, I missed some time while parenting, but RedZone knows what the people want: not the Jets, dear God, anything but the Jets.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— DeShaun Watson makes his Texans debut; Bill O’Brien has benched Tom Savage. And say what you will about O’Brien’s complete inability to evaluate quarterback talent, at least he’s quick to pull the hook when he chooses the wrong guy, which is usually. Watson completes his first three passes in what is already the Texans’ longest drive of the day — not that the bar was high.

The drive ends in a touchdown pass to DeAndre Hopkins, and I cannot understate the glaring and obvious difference between Savage and Watson. Savage’s movement in the first half resembled the first time in Ratatouille that Remy remote-controlled his blindfolded human friend by yanking his hair. Watson, conversely, looks like a natural biped. I am convinced Bill O’Brien has brain parasites.

— Hey, a Jets touchdown! I saw precisely zero of the plays that led to it. The ensuing 2-point conversion is intercepted, and I believe all the way down to my marrow that every Jets TD this season should come with a pick on a 2-point attempt. I want to look at the final score every week and have reason to doubt that they scored a touchdown.

— T.J. Watt earns a personal foul penalty, and then immediately intercepts DeShone Kizer. He’s got two sacks and a pick in his debut for a storied NFL franchise. I’m going to enjoy this moment right now: it’s the last one before I am shown T.J. Watt’s face repeatedly every week. But at this second? I couldn’t pick T.J. Watt out of a crowd of large, muscular people. It’s nice.

— Matt Ryan finds Austin Hooper wide open for an 88-yard touchdown. “Wait,” you’re saying, “how does a tight end run the length of the field without getting caught?”

Well, my friends, he does it buy putting Quintin Demps into the ground.

RIP, Quintin Demps, conveniently already buried in the grass of Solider Field.

— Quick story from the kids’ birthday party. One of the dads there had a thick orange cast on his hand. He was a bookish guy: slim, glasses, graying hair and gray beard neatly trimmed — a Brooklyn Dad like many other Brooklyn Dads. One of the other dads signaled to his cast and said, “What happened?”

He sighed. “I smashed it pretty bad at Burning Man.” A long pause, and none of us interrupted it. He added: “... as one does.”

— Tony Romo breaks down Seth Roberts’ touchdown, pointing out the Air Raid staple Four Verts. It’s maybe 10 seconds of analysis, but it’s like breathing pure oxygen after YEARS of Phil Simms leaking carbon monoxide into my home. It’s also only one game, and we haven’t had time to get tired of his vocal tics, but Tony Romo is already legitimately great in the booth.

Thank you for retiring, Tony. This is so much better than you making the Broncos good.

— HOLY ADOREE’ JACKSON:

He jumped at the 26-yard line and landed at the 33: approximately 21 feet in the air, in football gear, as three different players tried to stop his forward movement. It’s no surprise he almost went to the Olympics in the long jump.

— Tarik Cohen scores a touchdown on what looked like a wheel route (my attention is not always fully invested in Mike Glennon’s work), and the Bears are giving the Falcons all they can handle. Remember that name: Tarik Cohen. I certainly will and always have, dating back to his youth in Bunn, North Carolina.

— On third-and-6 in the red zone with his team trailing, Kirk Cousins makes a terrible throw that gets intercepted at the goal line. The next time RedZone clicks over to the Washington-Eagles game, Brandon Graham is pulverizing Cousins just as he’s about to throw, leading to a fumble that Fletcher Cox takes into the end zone to ice the game. The replay looks like it could be ruled an incomplete pass, but the refs are like, “Nah, let’s go home,” and I respect that.

— With the Bears trailing by 6, Mike Glennon leads a hopeful but doomed last-gasp drive into the red zone. He gets sacked on fourth-and-10 to end the game, and the Bears all lift him onto their shoulders to celebrate covering the 7-point spread. They’re gonna be the best damn 5-win team you’ve ever seen.

— The Jaguars are up 29-7 with two minutes remaining, and they now have nine sacks. But hey, at least the Texans found their quarterback! He was hidden in the first round of the draft! Who would think to look there?

— The Lions and Cardinals are taking their sweet damn time finishing up their game. Kenny Golladay scores on a deep bomb, his second touchdown of the day, and I rue each of my three fantasy drafts in which I gave him serious consideration but ultimately passed. With the Lions up 28-17, Carson Palmer throws a pick-6. Ballgame.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Ugh, Colts-Rams on RedZone. I’d rather watch truck commercials. I grab the remote, because I’m choosing Seahawks-Packers and commercials over the barren puntscape of the RedZone channel during the late games. I try to click over, and nothing happens. Am I in hell? No: I removed the batteries when I gave the remote to my son. Kid loves anything with buttons. Give him a room filled with fans, clocks, and buttons to push, and the only thing I’d ever have to do is change diapers and toss food in a couple times a day.

But before I can change the channel, Scott Tolzien throws a touchdown, but to the defense. The Rams are up 10-0 barely three minutes into the game.

And hey, Colts? Y’all know Colin Kaepernick is free to sign, right? You don’t have to ship your former first-round draft pick to the NFL’s reigning dynasty for their third-string quarterback.

— You and I, we’re friends, right? We’ve gotten this far in this football LiveJournal together, and so it’s time you knew the truth: I am a Seahawks fan, and for the next 3 hours the TV will be on this game. If you are a Panthers fan who wants to read about the 49ers game, you should leave this page now before you get even more disappointed.

— The first quarter is bad, both from my perspective as a Seahawks fan, and for anyone who enjoys fun things. Seahawks defensive tackle Nazair Jones, who has one of the most uplifting stories in this year’s rookie class, intercepts Aaron Rodgers point-blank and rumbles the length of the field for an incredibly rare and joyous Fat Guy Pick-6.

The Seahawks, though, pick up two flags on the play: Cliff Avril had a glancing swipe of Rodgers’ shoulder pads that was ruled a block in the back, and cornerback Jeremy Lane — who was dragged to the ground by Davante Adams grabbing his facemask — was ejected for a retaliatory forearm shiver. The touchdown is wiped off the board.

In #SEAvsGB they missed the initial foul on Adams. And that was a block in the back on Rodgers? I don't think the play was well-officiated.

— Mike Pereira (@MikePereira) September 10, 2017

I do not yell. I do not swear. The person that my children see in this moment is, essentially, the same gentle father who guides them through every morning and every night. Perhaps I say, “Gosh darn it,” which my daughter parrots, which makes me smile even though my blood is BOILING. I calmly pour myself a glass of gin in a mug. The game, somehow, stays scoreless through the quarter.

— My daughter has a habit of repeating the same question over and over; it’s how she sponges up language, hearing the same words repeated until she gets everything in full context. But ohhhhh, sweetie, my daughter, light of my life: If you ask me “What is the yellow man doing?” again, I will lock you out in the hallway. His name is Aaron Rodgers, and he’s screwing us, mmkay?

— Five minutes into the second quarter, the Seahawks get their first first down. BUST OUT THE CONFETTI. But on 3rd-and-7, Russell Wilson — under pressure from Mike Daniels — overthrows an open Tyler Lockett downfield on what would have been a touchdown.

— How have the Packers not scored yet? Aaron Rodgers seems to have two or three miracle 3rd-down conversions every drive before the Seahawks defense can force a punt. The only reason Green Bay hasn’t kicked a field goal yet is Jon Ryan, the finest ginger Canadian punter in the NFL, who pins the Pack deep repeatedly.

— I’m still mad about Naz Jones’ touchdown being called back, and I’m still mad about Jeremy Lane’s ejection. But time and gin are helping.

— My daughter asks if I took any photos of her at the birthday party today. Are you kidding? All I do is photograph my kids. So she crawls up onto the couch and I swipe through pictures of her blowing bubbles and pushing a giant beach ball as the Seahawks only rush 3 on 3rd-and-16 and OF COURSE Rodgers converts! UGH. NEVER RUSH THREE. YOU IDIOT COWARDS.

I don’t say any of that, of course. I am sharing a moment with my firstborn, trying to focus on the sheer joy that she got from blowing some bubbles on a sunny day in the park. That’s the life, man. Just blowing bubbles. Sports are for dopes.

— With a minute left in the half, the Seahawks get the ball on their own 11. With three straight running plays, it’s clear Pete Carroll wants to kill the clock and head into the halftime with the score knotted at zero. But the Packers — anticipating a chance for one last drive — call their final two timeouts before the Seahawks, seemingly by accident, pick up a first down. NOW they call a timeout and try to score.

The next two plays are a 34-yard pass to Doug Baldwin and a Russell Wilson scramble to the Packers 15-yard line. It is incomprehensible to watch after almost a full half of three-and-out drudgery.

So, with two timeouts and the ball on the 15, the Seahawks are forced to kick a field goal on third down, lest the clock expire without getting any points — all because they wasted half their time trying to burn clock at the other end of the field. This team is bad and winning and I hate them.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Let’s check in on the action in Los Angeles and Santa Clara.

Tickets for Colts vs. Rams were $6 and still nobody showed up. http://pic.twitter.com/RND1DmDOof

— Jordan Heck (@JordanHeckFF) September 10, 2017

Second half kickoff http://pic.twitter.com/sEQgbtfJIq

— Ann Killion (@annkillion) September 10, 2017

See? I’m not ignoring the 49ers and Rams games! I’m merely giving them the same enthusiasm they got from local fans.

— With the Seahawks facing third down deep in their own territory, I think, “Oh God, Russell’s going to throw an interception here, isn’t he?” But no, I’m wrong. He fumbles instead. Packers get the ball on the 5.

Watching the replay, Troy Aikman blames Wilson for not protecting the ball better. And yes, that is technically factual, but it also ignores the reality of Packers linemen streaming through Seahawks-colored turnstiles on every play.

Just how Tom Cable drew it up. http://pic.twitter.com/RKNMH276QD

— Keith Myers (@MyersNFL) September 10, 2017

Hey, Dr. Aikman, maybe we can talk about the sickness instead of blaming the symptoms? (LIFEHACK: Never go to a doctor named “Troy.”)

Ty Montgomery punches it into the end zone. Packers up 7-3. Crap.

— Jimmy Graham gets mugged in the end zone, and the refs don’t call pass interference. The announcers find it questionable. Mike Pereira says it’s a bad call. I yell, “P. I.!” My daughter yells, “P. I.! P. I.!” because she knows more about football than these refs. Seahawks Twitter ... well, I will spare you the things that Seahawks Twitter said, but this unrelated image sums it up:

MARSHAWN LYNCH http://pic.twitter.com/q5eG5nlvVN

— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) September 10, 2017

Deep breath. Here is my rational take: it’s the kind of call you don’t get when you’re the away team and it’s not your day, and this is most definitely not the Seahawks’ day.

I close my laptop. I pause the game. When I come back to watch it, after my kids are in bed, I will watch most of the 4th quarter on fast-forward. The frames that click by will look like repeats of each other: Rodgers knocked to the ground, but a Packer with the ball crossing the yellow line anyway. The final 6 minutes-plus of game time will pass that way, the ending so unremarkable I zip past the final: Packers 17, Seahawks 9.

But for now, with sports frozen in time, I read books to my kids. I sing them lullabies. I hug them and kiss them, and their hair is fine and soft like fresh corn silk as I put them to bed.

It is immeasurable how much better this is than football. Even when my team wins.