#not me being emotional about wilf finding the doctor AGAIN

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

*Doctor Who 60th special 2: Wild Blue Yonder spoilers*

I'm not even gonna lie I almost cried when I saw Wilf. Just sitting there waiting for the TARDIS to reappear just like Donna said he would be. And of course it's extra special because Bernard Cribbins is gone now.

Also how the Doctor just lit up when he saw Wilf there and went "oh everything's alright now". I'm fine I'm fine, I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

[prettyevermores]

tolerate it (part two)

( fourteenth doctor x reader )

a/n: i’m back again, i think this ending can been seen as a loophole for a pt3 but i’m not so sure if i’m gonna do one just yet.

part one

🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

Your Doctor pulled away from the long fifteen minutes of pure passion and emotion you two had been sharing. His hand snakes around your waist, holding you at the small of your back; he smiled down at you. He was happy to be home, back to be with you. You placed a hand on his chest, feeling his dual heartbeat letting you know that he was truly there and most definitely real. He was real and not just some severe delusion you had been trapped in. A weight had been lifted off your shoulder, a weight that was holding you down for those five years. 

Breaking the loving and comforting silence, you begun laughing and he looked at you with a puzzled expression. “Sweetheart? What’s the matter?” he asked softly, caressing his hand down your arm and an eyebrow raised.

“It’s just, I thought- I was closer and closer to loosing my mind each day you weren’t with me” You said through your joyous laughter. Despite you nearly loosing your mind and that being a serious matter.

“I’m here now, so you don’t have to loose your mind anymore” He whispered, pressing his lips against yours in a brief kiss before continuing speaking “I have someone you’ll want to see”

He dragged you out your house as you wore your usual clothes but donning your beloved bunny slippers that have seen better days. 

He was taking you across the road, to a house. But not to any house. The house of Donna Noble, one of your best friends. He knocked on her door, his hand intertwined with yours, to say you were nervous and excited to see Donna again was an understatement. You can hear her before you even see her reach the door.

“How many times do I have to bloody tell you! You don’t need to knock!” The voice of Donna Noble booming down the hallway as she walks to the door. “Just come in!” She says as she locks eyes with you. Her face turns into a big grin and you smile back widely.

“Donna Noble” You giggle as she brings you into a tight hug, the older woman holding onto you tightly as The Doctor slips past you both and heads into the kitchen. “I never thought I’d see you again Don!” You sigh happily, you have both your people again. 

After catching up with Donna again, chatting and gossiping over coffee like you two always used to do in The TARDIS kitchen. The Doctor pops his head in from Donna’s Garden and smiles at you both before talking “Are you two coming outside or what? You can’t gossip all day” He chuckles, knowing exactly what you two were doing 

“Yeah we’re coming spaceman” She waves her hand for him to go away and turns back to you with a cheeky smile. “It’s like nothing’s changed but it has. hasn’t it?” She asks you.

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean Don” You smile softly at her.

“Now help me get all this food outside you!” She laughs, handing you with a tray of food Sylvia has cooked for everyone. You follow her lead and take the last bits outside. Then finding your place next to The Doctor on the outdoor couch at the table. He puts his arm around your shoulder to pull you close to him as he mid telling a story to Mel, Rose, Sylvia and Shaun. You notice there is a spot missing at the table, another one occupied for Wilf, Donna’s beloved grandfather. You wonder who it is. Then someone makes there way through the kitchen and into the backyard.

It’s Dr Martha Jones. The other doctor you had befriended a long time ago on your travels with The Doctor. “Sorry I’m late everyone! The traffic was awful” She spoke rushing in to give everyone a hug, The smile already on your face grew more and she hugged you and sat down opposite you.

Your sunny afternoon was filled with joy and happy memories of everyone together. You and Martha reminiscing about the time you got separated from Donna and The Doctor, nearly ending up in a war with The Hath but instead befriending an injured Hath then loosing them. 

After a while, The Doctor whisked you away back to your house, it wasn’t long before he pushed you up against your front door and smashing his lips onto yours. Your arms at the back of his neck, tangling in his hair. You swear, every time you kiss The Doctor, it gets better than the last time. This time it was magic. However, the stolen kisses you had in Donna’s kitchen were something that is told in history books. 

[ingravinoveritas]

The fact that in that scene in the doctor who special Donna’s about to go off with the doctor in the end and her husband is like yeah most husbands would be jealous of their wife hanging out with men in a small space alone but then he looks at the doctor and is like nah not him. Like he knows the doctor wouldn’t be interested in Donna in that way and that she was completely safe from cheating on her husband. Shaun took one look at the doctor and was like I know what you are . He was NOT worried about Donna being alone with him

So, I did watch the 60th special today, which I originally wasn't planning to do, since I'm not much of a Whovian. But curiosity got the better of me, and once your ask came in, I figured why not give it a watch.

After sitting through the whole episode, I still have no idea what the hell actually happened, or what a Metacrisis is, or why they were all fighting evil anthropomorphized dryer lint...but I was still thoroughly entertained. Haha. And there were moments I liked (disability rep with Shirley Bingham whose character actually wasn't about her disability but just her as a badass person!), moments I didn't like, and moments that made me unexpectedly emotional (the mention of Wilf, which given Bernard's passing last year was incredibly poignant and left me in tears).

But what I was really living for with this episode was how unbelievably and incredibly gay it was, in absolutely the most phenomenal way possible. Again, I want to emphasize that I am a very casual DW viewer, so I can't speak to previous seasons or incarnations, but this certainly felt like the queerest Doctor Who ep I have ever seen. The awesome Yasmin Finney as Rose. Describing the Doctor as "male...and female...and neither...and more." Having legend and lesbian extraordinaire Miriam fucking Margolyes as the voice of the Meep.

And of course, the moment you mentioned...

What's really interesting to me about this is so much of the writing in this episode was pretty on the nose (thinking in particular of the scene about the Meep's pronouns, which was very well meaning but felt a bit heavy-handed in both the writing and some of the delivery). But I wouldn't say Russell T. Daddy was really going for nuance in a lot of what ended up on screen, which is why this moment stands out and is so interesting and hilarious. You can almost feel Russell abruptly stop short of saying what this is clearly meant to be saying, and leaving it as subtext instead of, well...text. And I've mentioned on my blog previously about seeing the Doctor and Donna's (as well as David and Catherine's) chemistry as very "exasperated straight woman and her chaotic bisexual BFF," so this really seemed to validate the hell out of that. Haha.

So yes, overall, I enjoyed "The Star Beast" much more than I ever expected to, and I'm definitely intrigued to see what the other specials will entail (especially "The Giggle," since NPH is in that one, and the queer quotient will no doubt be off the charts, at least if the production stills/BTS I remember seeing last year are any indication). It will certainly be interesting to see if we get more moments like the one above with Fourteen (Ten? Ten-Four?), so I suppose we'll find out soon...

[quietwingsinthesky]

god it's so. funny/fucked to me that 10 gets jack alonso like. what was it. around 2 months after ianto dies in his fucking arms PLUS he has to kill his grandson?? girl you could have looked at his timeline or some shit to see how he was doing. maybe gotten him a therapy gift card or smthm. ur boyfriend dies in your arms and you ruin your relationship with your friends+family and then two months later your dying ex who you have always been and will always be still in love with shows up in the same bar you're in, and instead of talking to you or asking you to come with him or literally interacting directly with you at all, he gets you a one night stand. and then leaves and "dies" alone. jack harkness needs an award for being able to hold it together all the time

consider: the doctor is thinking damn what made me feel better after my boyfriend died in my arms in a way that was fucked up and traumatizing and i couldn’t have prevented and i was once again the only survivor of the genocide i caused. i know! donna! i’ll find jack a little buddy to keep him company! that’ll fix him! (<- translates that to jack language by getting him a one night stand and then ghosts assuming this will be fine now 👍)

hey wait god does anyone ever fucking tell jack that’s what happens to the doctor after he last sees him. like i know he shows up in 13’s run but it’s 13 she’s not gonna say shit about that time she wingmanned for him on her deathbed that sounds too much like emotional vulnerability.

oh my god he doesn’t know that donna got mindwiped. oh jesus christ what if he got suspicious and went looking for clues and started with her because u know. doctor’s bestie. but she doesn’t know anything. he tries to ask her and her mom and granddad freak out and donna looks like she’s going to pass out before saying she doesn’t know who the doctor is, leave her alone. and cue wilf taking him off to the side to explain Everything. jack’s growing horror as he realizes that his doctor is gone again. he didn’t say goodbye. again. he just left. and he just found this one, he was just getting to know him again, and he’s gone, forever.

someone get him fourteen stat that’s the only thing that could fix this emotional wreck alsjfkgjs

[variousqueerthings]

watching a thing that's going through why someone enjoys doctor who, and it's gone on a little tangent about why romance on doctor who doesn't work (in their opinion, and in mine), and how it made s2 and s7b the creator's least favourite -- and while I would need to rewatch s7b to remember that, I do think that the-doctor-and-rose at least doesn't have to be read as romantic if one doesn't want to

which isn't to say it wasn't intended as such, and also that it was somewhat based in dtennant and billie piper and jenna coleman and (to some) matt smith being hot (sorry matt smith, he looks like a teenage boy, the dichotomy is not hot or ugly, it's does-or-does-not-look-like-a-teenager), which is kind of *sigh yeah okay you're appealing to the people who think people are hot so they wanted a bit of that sexy sexy romance (I guess)*

however I don't think that things that are romance-coded need to be engaged with on that level, as someone who's had to make that translation many many times, and I think especially with the doctor-as-character, including and especially ten when one reads ten as being projected onto, it's actually incredibly fun not to/not even really a translation so much as a textually supported read

what's especially good about the doctor and rose dynamic is specifically that the doctor never gives rose the exact thing she's looking for, and that part of the doctor's heartbreak is that he can't -- take that as a "because I'm immortal and you're not," if you want (and that's also a textually supported read), but it's also very very easily read as "because what you want and what I can give is not compatible so that I will always end up letting you down like I do everyone, and I would rather you be happy than assert what I might want, and in the end everyone leaves for one reason or another"

which... the doctor basically says to wilf. they leave. they find someone else and fall in love. they forget. they break the doctor's heart. not just rose, but everyone. rose is simply the first to remind the doctor of this fact after bringing him back after a massive traumatic event

and I think it elevates s2, which I've now seen a couple of people go "oh because of the romance it's one of my least favourite seasons," which is so fascinating to me, because s2 isn't at all about a romance through my eyes. it is for rose, because she's in love with the doctor, romantically, and that's part of her tragedy, as a mortal, as someone who's in love with her doctor and doesn't want that doctor to go or to change or to... be alien, perhaps (now I do reach, but it's open to reaching) -- and who is growing up throughout, as the first person one sees grow up in nu!who

and the doctor is constantly struggling for words: tell rose... oh she knows. and i suppose. if it's my last chance to say it. rose tyler...

rose tyler essentially brought the doctor back, made the doctor fall in love with the universe again, and brought back a childlike wonder that the doctor had had before the timewar, and how do you encompass that into simple human concepts of "romantic" or "platonic" and know

that this person is romantically in love with you in a very human way

that there is an end-point to this, which is something this person will never fully grasp until it's happened (or that person is dead)

that you do not age. that you change. that you are aliene

that you are fundamentally, always, left on your own in the end

that you have put all of your sense of your new self onto this person and it will eventually fuck everything up

so yeah, there's some heavy-duty emotional subtext in s2, but because of the deliberate lack of clarity given to that subtext, it's very very easy to take it in various kinds of directions. of course rose and the doctor are Like That in s2, they're living a little fairytale life that's about to fall to pieces (something the doctor knows, but won't admit, and rose doesn't fully understand or believe)

when rose asks the doctor how long they'll travel and the doctor says "forever," it's absolutely 100% a lie, and that is... very tragic... thinking back to their first scenes together, which were incredibly simply sweet, and you know it's stretching thinner and thinner in ways I don't think you see with any other companion

the thing is I do personally think that rose as the romantic arc makes rose less interesting than she is, and that's a flaw in the show, but I think giving hers and the doctor's run a slightly different eye, that is absolutely supported by the canon, also opens up all of her other traits, that make her so iconic -- only seeing rose through the lens of romance does her a disservice, there is a bunch more going on there in s2...

but like yeah, I get that there was some david tennant so-called sex appeal, which, yeah whatever, and billie piper was a former famous popstar, and people also do ship them romantically (and that's fine), but I think to focus on that aspect in order to say why rose isn't appealing kind of ignores everything else she is and represents on the show for something you can just read in another way easily and more interestingly and supported by the text

like people will throw around "asexual doctor" but I don't think they know enough about aromanticism (which is what they really mean) to understand how to read that in a text. deeply symbiotic relationships can be aromantic, can be platonic, and can be one-sided or messed up or or...

embrace the symbiosis of the doctor and rose in s2 that is inherently also kind of fucked up and doomed because of their deliberate blinkered perspective of the future even after the sarah-jane episode and the madame du pompadour episode which are screaming at them that things are ending soon!!! It's compelling stuff. it's not necessary to read it as romantic

give rose tyler her due as the ghost that haunts the narrative

[cillacantstudysosheshere]

Doctor Who The Star Beast Review

I liked the first doctor who special. I loved seeing the Noble Family, I ADORED the Meep and the new gorgeous Tardis. The aliens felt like drwho aliens without having horrible CGI (yes I love it too but let's be real). I looooved all the references: the Temple Noble line, the mentioning of Nerys, the wig moment as an homage to classic who, the fact that Donna's daughter chose the name Rose, all her plushies of the drwho aliens and so on. David and Catherine's chemistry is unreal, they are their characters it's insane...they have always been my favourite duo and having them back is a gift and it makes me so emotional so I don't feel like complaining at ALL...but there are still some things I didn't love.

I liked that the trans storyline is a big part of this episode but personally I appreciate it more when certain topics are explained in a more natural way but then again, there are people who don't get it and the show is now on disney plus so I guess they handled certain topics it in a way that could resonate to a larger target audience. I loved that the fact that she is trans is not the first thing we learn about Rose, we find out in a very normal way and I liked the pronoun conversation because it felt very real, what I didn't really like was the binary/non binary parallel of donna's line, it didn't really work for me it felt a little strange.

What I didn't like at all was the "a male presenting time lord could never understand" line because no...I will do a separate post about it because the problem is not the intention behind Donna and Rose's actions...it's the line...that line is an absolute no.

That being said DrWho is back and I am curious to see what will happen next. I am not too afraid of the idea of a new era, I'm happy that now that it's on disney more people will know about it and love it. When you change platform it is expected to have some changes and to be honest who cares, it's great that doctor who wants to be different for new fans and I am curious to see how it will move forward. Right now it feels nostalgic but it's when we'll say goodbye to David and Catherine that we'll actually see how this new direction is affecting the show. For now I'm really excited about the other specials, I can't wait to sob when I'll see Wilf.

[youremyonlyhope]

Wild Blue Yonder

I hate that I'm not excited. But I need to catch up.

Oh THIS is Isaac Newton? Interesting... Oh of course the TARDIS would crash itself into Newton's apple tree. Donna no. Stopppp. STOPPPPP. They did not just name gravity. Never mind they messed it up. Great. Good on Gramps. As always. I was gonna be like "Oh so now Donna's the only one who will remember gravity." but she just said mavity.... Doctor you had at least one android boyfriend in the past don't be shocked. Also I almost said Doc but it felt wrong, I feel like that nickname was reserved for Thirteen. I mean I could have told you the TARDIS was gonna be like byeeee. "You wandered with me!" Stop it. Don't you have a key Doctor? Something so bad the TARDIS ran away from it. Well. She's ran away before. Many times. On her own. Even from people (looking at you Jack) "Maybe time slowed down?" "No. I'd feel it. In my bones." Well you didn't as Twelve in World Enough and Time until it was too late but ok sure. This better not be a rehashing of Into the Dalek where it's inside of an alien/robot and this robot is just a blood cell or something. Now he said mavity. Please no. Oh wormhole! Ah so it's a rehashing of Utopia. Edge of the universe. So are they saying 3 years ago someone killed themself by opening the airlock? Still got the Thirteen gene of tasting stuff too much. I had heard about clones in spoilers. So. This Doctor is a clone right. Definitely heard a bit of an older theme play there. I forget which one though. Maybe the This Is Gallifrey theme? "She's all I've got left." I liked the music cutting out there. "My arms are too long." what. "Oh we get hungry, don't we?" ok cool greaty very creepy. Ew. "It is limiting." Yeah no. Ewwwww the jaw. Ahhh I think I liked the idea of someone killing themselves three years ago more than this. "I will find you." Gives 42 vibes.

I will say. Circling back to something I said earlier this week about Heaven Sent. I like episodes that are just the main characters. Almost like bottle episodes.

Ok some respect to RTD for not immediately retconning the Timeless Child like many Chibnall haters would have wanted him to. I will give him that much. Ok wait. So. The Not-Doctor is smart enough to think of clothing... The Not-Things have no sense of object permanence. That's actually fun. Good. Good good good. Dealing with the emotional aftermath of Flux and the Timeless Child too. Good. I really was scared for a moment RTD2 would act completely like none of it happened. Ahhhhh so I WAS right that she killed herself! Oh I meant to say the robot reminded me of Gadget or even Marvin earlier but got distracted. Good little robot. Ok so a countdown like 42. Bottle-ish episode like Heaven Sent. Edge of the universe like Utopia. That's a good mix because I love all those episodes individually. Here's where the TARDIS swoops in to save the day. Yep "and a time machine would know!" called it. Sort of a deus ex (time) machina but I'll allow it. Riding and hanging out the TARDIS door towards Donna kind of like in the Runaway Bride. Cute. Yeah no that was too close. Not telling a companion about their past. That's very Thirteen of you, Fourteen. "Are you ok?" "I will be." Very very Thirteen. WILLFFFFFFF. God. Even though I was spoiled over a year ago for his appearance. And again this week. I am SO happy to see him. You change gravity to mavity and the world all falls apart. NOT AGAIN. NO. WE'RE NOT DOING THE YEAR THAT NEVER WAS AGAIN.

Ok overall I liked that a lot more than the Meep. Not just because the Meep itself was nightmare fuel and I couldn't look at it but that episode was all over the place and too much nostalgia fanservice. This was more enjoyable as an actual Doctor Who episode. And it was creepy.

NOOOO. In loving memory of Bernard Cribbins. I knew they'd dedicate the episode but I'm still so sad to be reminded.

God it was good to see Wilf again. Honestly, Bernard despite being 93 or 94 at filming still had so much energy. God I love and miss Wilf.

Also are we gonna deal with this gravity mavity thing or not?

[saiilorstars]

The Beginning of Everything

Ch. 26:  The Cosmic Butterfly

// Story Masterlist // 

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Female OC

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Chapter summary: The truth behind the Cosmic Butterfly comes to light and reveals that it's not the only creature created!

Since everyone was set to go find the Doctor, Rose thought it was high time she did the same. She closed the laptop and got up from her chair. She made a quick call to someone on her phone then turned to Donna and her family. "Right! I'm gonna find him."

"No, we're going to find them," Donna corrected her. "I'm coming with!"

"Donna…" Rose began to shake her head but Donna grabbed onto her arm.

"I'm coming with, blondie! Those are my friends out there too!"

"Donna, you can't go out there," Sylvia got up from the couch, along with Wilf.

"I have to, Mum!"

"You go, sweetheart," Wilf told Donna, just like before when she was leaving after the Sontarans. "You go and find them."

Donna smiled softly at her grandfather. She directed her eyes to Rose, leaving no room for further discussion on the matter. The two then disappeared in a flash of blue light.

~ 0 ~

Gabby whimpered when the TARDIS finally stopped. There would definitely be bruises around her body later on, if there even would be a 'later on'. With a groan, she used her elbows to sit up. "I'm getting really tired of landing like this."

Renata was the only one who had maintained her balance because she'd been the pilot this time. She sent an apologetic look at Gabby and the Doctor. "Sorry, I-I couldn't help myself. That was...that was Davros!"

"He's supposed to be dead…" the Doctor slowly pulled himself up to his feet, still shaken from seeing Davros again.

"I can't believe you actually tried saving him back in the war!?" Renata was still incredulous about the revelation. He actually went and tried saving Davros, of all people! She was naturally furious. "He should've died instead of everyone else! You shouldn't have ever tried to save him! That's stupid, even for you!"

The Doctor kept quiet on that bit. She had every right to be angry about that part but he was well aware that even now, seeing everything that had happened, he still didn't regret it.

Renata saw that clearly. She was not surprised. It was just so him. He was always the better one between them. "We're on Earth now, so let's just save it before Davros ruins it. Gabriella?"

"I'm up! I'm up!" the girl assured. "But please, someone, learn how to drive this box a little better!"

"C'mon!" Renata made the gesture for them to follow her, but the Doctor yanked her back by the sleeve of her blouse.

"What happened to 'check the environment'?" He threw her a look. She always reminded him of that, not that he listened to it but that was beside the point. 

"Well, we're on Earth--" she pulled her arm out of his hold, "--and the Daleks have already invaded so safety is pretty much nonexistent. Now c'mon! We've got to find the others."

The trio emerged from the blue box into a solitary street. Gabby felt chills the way the street was upturned. There were cars parked haphazardly on the road, some actually overturned. Scattered rubbish filled their immediate area, but the worst part of it was the silence.

"Absolute silence," Renata whispered. She folded her arms tightly, feeling an unwavering breeze. She hated silence...it was like death.

"Sarah Jane said that they were taking the people. But what for?" The Doctor wished he could just skip the whole 'trying to figure things out' and go straight for the solution because if this is what one street looked like, he didn't want to see what the city was like right now.

"Daleks taking humans?" Renata moved around him, her hands rising as she explained what she thought was so obvious. "It's to hurt them, to kill them. Daleks don't just meddle with humans for fun. They want to kill them."

"Yes but what for?" The Doctor turned to face her. "The Daleks don't just pull planets and submerge them into darkness!"

"They're Daleks!" She exclaimed in his face. "They don't need a reason. We just need to stop them."

Neither of them noticed Gabby's terrified expression due to their thoughts. It was all so normal to them…

The Doctor could concede on Renata's point. "Well, it would be a lot easier if we had everyone with us."

Renata had lifted her shoulders to shrug when she caught something over his shoulder. She shuddered in a breath so faintly that no one caught it. "I think you've overlooked one good thing that came out of this, Doctor," her voice was unexpectedly soft that for a moment, the Doctor wondered if her health was taking a plunge again.

"Yeah, and what would that be?"

An honest, albeit small, smile came to Renata's face. "You'd get the chance to see an old friend." She raised a shaky finger to point at someone behind him.

The Doctor didn't comprehend what she meant but when he turned around to see what she was pointing at, he forgot all about it. It was Rose. Rose Tyler. She stood at the end of the street wearing the biggest smile anyone could ever have. Rose.

Donna had a good sense to move away from Rose and settle her gaze on the Time Lady pulling herself to the TARDIS instead. Donna couldn't even begin to understand how Renata must be feeling. She didn't appear mad, or even jealous, just really sad…

Rose took off, leaving a strong trail of wind behind her. Donna's hair even flipped over her shoulders! But Rose didn't care - she had the Doctor just feet away from her. The Doctor took off in the same force.

"I don't understand who's that," Gabby inched closer to Renata. She noticed the expression on Renata's face and wondered why the Time Lady was so sad.

Renata was about to shake her head and simply go back into the TARDIS, hoping that maybe being on Earth would allow them to search better, when she spotted something rolling in the street adjacent to theirs. Her blood went cold.

"Exterminate!"

"NOOO!" Renata screamed when the Dalek fired and shot the Doctor.

Rose skidded to a forced stop when the blinding blue light passed in front of her. By the time she opened her eyes, the Doctor was already on the ground. She dropped to his side and cradled his head while he convulsed in pain.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Renata's voice, though still a scream, cracked in the end with her emotions. She ran towards the Dalek, ignoring Gabby's and Donna's collective yells for her to stop. Renata couldn't hear anything but a ringing in her ears and a rush of adrenaline under her skin.

Jack appeared only a few feet from Rose and the Doctor and, taking in the situation, he prepared to fire with his own huge gun...only to see Renata halfway there. "Renata, what are you doing!?"

"Exterminate!" went the Dalek again, shooting straight for the Time Lady.

Renata's face was ferocious and perhaps the new unlocked feeling was what brought out the energy that'd been swirling inside her, bubbling like a soup that wasn't quite ready. It exploded around into a radiating light - more powerful and blinding than the Dalek's laser - and blasted the Dalek into pieces.

"Ren!" Gabby called in terrible fear. When the golden energy died, it left Renata wobbly and in a few seconds she fell to her knees. Gabby ran for her, but Donna and Jack got to Renata first.

Renata's face was pale and her cheeks seemed a bit hollow. "I-I don't know...I don't know where that came from...I dooooon…" her words slurred together until she couldn't form a proper word anymore.

"C'mon, up you go!" Jack pulled her up to her feet but had to do most of the supporting. "Don't tell me you're going to regenerate too…"

"Regen...regenerate!" Renata sniffed in and looked both ways before finding the Doctor on the ground. "N-no! Get...get hiiii...him!" She tried pushing Jack away but her arms actually felt like noodles. She'd heard Gabby use the expression once on herself after being unable to play volleyball at a space beach they visited. Noodle arms, how Renata had laughed at that.

Now she fully understood.

"Don't die. Oh my God, please don't die," Rose was teary-eyed and didn't really know what else to do except hold the Doctor.

"We need to get him to the TARDIS!" Jack called. "Now!"

Donna knew where she could better put her efforts into. She rushed to help Rose pick the Doctor up to his feet. "C'mon, spaceman, we gotta go."

"Renée" the Doctor hadn't seen much but he knew that Renata had expelled a lot of the energy they'd been watching. It was exactly what he'd been afraid of, that one day she would do something her body wasn't ready for and would pay the price with her life.

The group got back into the TARDIS and while Gabby and Jack tried to bring Renata to the Captain's chair, Renata shook her head and clung to the console instead. Her legs were buckling though and she kept breathing in as if she was holding her breath.

"Renata, are you going to regenerate?" Jack had to be straightforwards and ask her so that she wasn't so close to the Doctor who would definitely be doing the thing.

"N-noooo…" Renata lost breath in that one word. She swallowed hard and took in another deep breath. "Jusssst….just too...lots of ener…" For now, her body was just growing tired.

"Lots of energy, got it," Jack backtracked from her cautiously, though pointed Gabby to keep an eye on her. "Doc! How we doing!?"

The Doctor's answer came in a groan. He was laying on the floor, convulsing and feeling more layers of pain. He knew what was coming, but he didn't want it. He really didn't want it.

"Got it. Rose, get back!"

Rose wouldn't budge. She shook her head - how could she leave him again?

"Rose!" Jack's voice hardened with urgency. "You know what happens next! We can't be near him! Donna?"

Donna looked between Jack and Renata, the latter already teary-eyed but stuck in her spot. She sighed and looked down at the Doctor. "You got this, spaceman. Good luck." She offered him her best, encouraging smile then scrambled up to her feet to join Renata and Gabby.

"ROSE!"

Rose sniffed and briefly glanced at the frantic Jack. "But he can't... not now, I came all this way…"

The Doctor turned halfway to the side and raised his hand. It was beginning to glow orange. "It's starting…" The orange light spread to his body in a few seconds.

"Doctor, I'm so...sor...sorry," Renata tried to get close to him by using the console as a support but nearly slipped on one occasion. Despite his pain, he still found a moment to shoot her a soft smile, as if telling her that things would be okay.

She couldn't return the favor. All she knew was that he was about to die and they had resolved nothing. And what was worst, she couldn't even be near him.

"Okay, Rose, dammit!" Jack had enough and went ahead to grab Rose himself and pry her away from the Doctor. "Here we go! Good luck, Doctor!"

"Ren, c'mon," Gabby gently pulled Renata farther from the Doctor as well. Donna came to their side and keep Renata steady.

The Doctor managed to pull himself up on his own but had to use the console as support for a moment. He wanted to say something, to look at his friends, look at…

"I'm sorry, it's too late. I'm regenerating," he felt the energy take him over, forcing his head backwards and his arms to his sides. His explosion of regeneration energy blinded the entire group.

Renata could hear the stream of energy but it all seemed to fade to be replaced by a fluttering noise, like wings. In her distraction she almost missed when the Doctor suddenly redirected his regenerative energy into the jar under the console where his severed hand was. And just like that, he stumbled out of the chaos with his same face.

"Now then…" he took in a deep breath and turned to the stunned group watching his every movement. "Where were we?" his grin wasn't enough to pull the group from their trance.

"H-how…?" Renata was the first one to speak, but in doing so she reminded the Doctor that while he had moved on she was still fighting for her life.

"Renée!" His fond nickname of hers just slipped through his lips. He rushed towards her, arms enveloping around her to keep her steady. "I told you not to use that energy!"

"How the...you jusssst….you…" Renata desperately tried to gesture the fact he'd completely cheated the regeneration system. "You break...every ruuuule known to...known to ma…"

"I get the jist, now please take a seat," the Doctor brought her to the Captain's chair and was mindful of her (still) wobbly legs.

Rose watched the gentle movements between the two and couldn't, for the life of her, figure out how this version of Renata could actually travel with the Doctor. Could she truly be that kind like Donna had promised? Well she did destroy a Dalek, the Dalek that nearly killed the Doctor. That did count for something.

"What was that energy?" Jack had to ask because it definitely had not looked like regeneration energy.

Renata blinked slowly, languidly, and turned her head at Jack. "Do you...do you hear a-a flut-fluterring? I hear fluttering…"

Gabby said nothing but her eyes had darted around the room when she thought she heard a faint snippet of that fluttering. That had to be wrong. 

"It's an illness and what Renata just did made it worse," the Doctor shook his head as he straightened up. "It's - well, I don't really know what type of energy it is but it's contaminating her the more she uses it. And she just blew the bloody top off a Dalek for my sake!"

"Yeah, but that Dalek nearly killed you," Rose said, speaking for the first time since their almost reunification outside. "Counts, doesn't it?"

He looked at her not with the same fondness from before, but a more earnest, unhesitating expression. "No."

She blinked in surprise. How could he say that? It was his life on the line!

"Renata could die because of this. I would rather die before she dies for me." His words continued to strike her with shock...and perhaps with a bit of a heartbreak. The way he said it, like he regarded Renata as someone important, maybe more important than a regular companion.

"How-how can we help her?" Jack quickly put himself upfront to do whatever was needed.

"You can start…" Renata began, trying to force herself to stand, "By acting…" her breathing was still short and heavy, "...like I'm stilllll...here. You--" she pointed a finger at the Doctor, "--just wasted...one whole regen...regeneration!"

The Doctor winced. "Yes, but...I have a good reason." Renata raised an eyebrow, asking what he could possibly think was a good enough reason to waste an entire life. "I…" he straightened his tie and grinned, "...quite like my face. Look at me, why would I to change?"

Renata's two hands shook as she rose them just a bit, her fingers curling to air-strangle him. "I...you...you wasted…" she took in another breath, "...whole life for...for…"

"It's best not to even bark up that tree, Ren," Donna couldn't help her smile of amusement. "He's too self-centered."

"Oi," the Doctor straightened himself. "Now you, Renée, sit down!"

"Your hand!" The Time Lady gestured at the severed hand now glowing and bubbling like crazy. "Whole life wasted!"

"But worth it," the Doctor continued to grin. "Lucky for me that my hand was here to send off all that excess energy to, huh?"

Renata's laugh was a small one, but she knew that there was no convincing him that he'd made a wrong choice. On some part, she was a bit jealous of him. He truly loved his life that much. He must be truly happy where he is. She couldn't remember ever living a previous life with that type of feeling.

"So...you're still you, then?" Rose's soft question turned the Doctor towards her. "You're not...you're not going to change?"

"Uh, no...hopefully not," the Doctor smiled at her. "I'm still me."

Rose's face broke into a smile. She hurried up to him for a big hug. He gladly accepted it and took just one brief moment to really process the fact she'd been able to come back.

"You can hug me if you want," Donna bobbed her head at Jack. Gabby's face was comical as she left to be by Renata instead. Jack just laughed, but Donna was in no joking mood. "No, really, you can hug me."

"Can I hug you?" Gabby asked Renata since that was the vibe of the room. Renata chuckled lightly. Gabby turned her head for a moment, eyes lingering on the severed hand. She watched it glow and bubble, the bubbles going big at one point and then so small in the next…

"Gabriella?" Renata noticed the girl had slipped off into a trance.

Gabby blinked away from the jar and seemed confused as she smiled. "Sorry...I thought I just heard…"

Renata watched the girl sort her thoughts with struggle. Rose overheard and when she pulled away from the Doctor, her concerned - yet fearful - expression was not missed by Renata.

"Never mind," Gabby smiled it away, waving her hands that it wasn't important.

Still, Rose didn't look so happy. Renata made her way to the blonde human, more steady now but still having to use the console for support. She ignored the Doctor's plead to get back in her seat.

"Is there...something you knoow...about this?" She asked Rose.

Rose flipped her head in Renata's direction, giving her a quick scan before shaking her head. "No."

Renata raised an eyebrow. "I know we...haven't met...but I'm not an idiot. What do you know?"

Rose kept her mouth shut but she now had the Doctor giving her more or less the same look as Renata. "I don't...why are you looking at me like that?" She frowned at him. All of sudden he was following the Time Lady?

"Because if you know something about Gabby, I'd really appreciate if you told us. I don't feel like losing anyone else."

"I don't know," huffed Rose. "I just met versions of her that...that don't end so nicely, okay? And it starts with fluttering noises." She laid eyes on Renata, almost accusing the woman of something terrible she was yet to do.

Renata knew when she was being accused - previous lifetime gifts - and sighed. "So maybe I'm going to die. That's what the Ood said."

"No, absolutely not!" The Doctor snapped. He wasn't going to let that happen no matter what creature predicted it.

Renata closed her eyes for a brief moment before sighing again. Truthfully, she was too tired right now to argue about it so she just kept going. "He also mentioned something about butterflies, apart from the contamination."

"The Cosmic Butterfly?" Rose asked in a whisper, eyes already glinting with fear.

Renata recognized the look all too well. "You knew about this?"

Rose didn't like much the tone the Doctor was using on her, as if she was at fault for whatever was happening to Renata. "In another world that I crossed! It's those cosmic butterflies!" She turned to the Doctor, almost as if Renata had ceased to exist in that moment. "If she's been contaminated then there's nothing to do. She'll become dangerous, Doctor. She could hurt you!" 

"Already done that without wings, I'm afraid," Renata whispered and turned away.

"No, Renée…" the Doctor tried going after her, an action that left Rose a bit shaken, when the TARDIS' power went were left in darkness.

"What's happened?" Gabby fearfully looked around the place.

"Ah, they've got us!" the Doctor turned to the console but saw little to do when everything was out. "Power's gone... some kind of chronon loop!"

The TARDIS gave another jolt, this time pushing everyone to one side.

"Where are they taking us!?" Donna shrieked after yet another tumultuous shake.

"There's a massive Dalek ship at the center of the planets. They're calling it the Crucible. Guess that's our destination," Jack explained. He shot Renata a concerned glance. The Crucible was not the place that would help her health at the moment.

"So these Daleks are at the center of the planets?" Gabby asked slowly to make sure she understood so far. She was choosing to ignore the constant stare from Rose who couldn't look more afraid of her too. It reminded her of the way River Song would look at her in the Library. What could she possibly do to either women - who both seemed more than capable of taking care of themselves - that could earn their fear? "And you said that these planets were like an engine," she turned to the Doctor. "But what for?"

The Doctor wished he had the answer but since Rose was now there, maybe she had it. "Rose! You've been in a parallel world, that world's running ahead of this universe - you've seen the future, what was it?"

Rose went grim. "It's the darkness."

"The stars were going out," Donna added and, realizing that none of them knew about her whole parallel world trip with Rose, she explained better. "I got a parallel universe created around me by some alien fortune teller at UNIT. Remember when you left me?" The Doctor winced at her sharpness and even more so at her glare. "Rose went to that world. It was terrible. You were dead and that caused this whole reaction chain. But I remember the stars were going out."

"One by one. We looked up at the sky and they were just dying," Rose said distantly. It was such a scary thing to watch in person, feeling that with each star that disappeared they were all one star closer to death. But then she gazed at the Doctor and the feeling went away, because she was there with him and he always knew how to save things. "So basically, we've been building this um... this travel machine, this... uh... Dimension Cannon, so I could... well, so I could…so I could come back! Anyway, suddenly, it started to work. And the dimensions started to collapse."

"And did you ever think that maybe it was the that device you built?" Renata didn't mean for her question to be an accusation. She thought it was a fairly logical thought if that was the real story.

Rose felt the accusation, though, and got defensive. "I didn't mean for that to happen!"

"Of course not," Renata's honest agreement made Rose pause for a moment. She studied the Time Lady for any clue of what game she was playing. "No human could know that. Parallel worlds are supposed to be sealed because of...well, what happened to our world, but you didn't know that. But let's think about it that way and see if we can build a solution from that, shall we?"

Rose's suspicion didn't fade completely, but she would go along if it meant putting a stop to the Daleks. "Right. Well, it wasn't just in our world - not just in yours either - but the whole of reality, even the Void was dead. Something is... destroying everything."

"In that parallel world...you said something about me," Donna said as the parts of that trip came back to her for a minute.

Rose nodded. "The Dimension Cannon could measure timelines, and it's... it's weird, Donna, but they all seem to converge on you."

Donna didn't know to laugh at that due to the situation. "But why me? I mean... what have I ever done? I'm a temp from Chiswick!"

The monitor came back to life with the location of where they were arriving at. The Doctor hurried over to see it first. "The Dalek Crucible. All aboard…"

Of course, they landed with a crash.

"Doctor! You will step forth or die!" they began to hear the Daleks on the other side.

The Doctor turned to face the doors, taking a few steps towards it. "We'll... we'll have to go out," he realized. "If we don't, they'll get in."

"You told me nothing could get through those doors!" Rose accused.

"He lies," Renata said just as Gabby was about to say the same as Rose. And like Rose, Gabby seemed like she was betrayed. "Sorry ladies... that's...how he operates when he wants to keep you safe and happy." As if agreeing with her, the Doctor looked over his shoulder at her with a smirk. She did know him very well and that was something neither of them could deny.

"You've got extrapolator shielding," Jack thought a second later.

The Doctor turned around completely to give them the news of how it was, even if it was pretty grim. "Last time we fought the Daleks, they were scavengers and hybrids and mad. But this is a fully fledged Dalek Empire... at the height of its power. Experts at fighting TARDISes, they can do anything." That was enough to solidify their situation. "Right now, that wooden door...is just wood."

Donna had listened to the first part but as the Doctor had gone off, a different noise started taking over her attention. It wasn't like a flutter, no matter what Gabby and Renata said, but more like a heartbeat. She just couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

"Okay, what about your Dimension Jump?" Jack asked Rose, not quite ready to give up completely.

"It needs another twenty minutes, and anyway, I'm not leaving."

The Doctor, following Jack's footsteps in believing in one last shot, asked the immortal man, "What about your teleport?"

"Went down with the power-loss."

"Okay," Renata rubbed circles against her temples. "So we don't have much of an option then. There's no way out so we might as well go out there and see what they want, right?"

"Right," the Doctor gave a firm nod of his head, though he might have been just as scared as anyone else right now. He'd never been this outmatched and the fact he had too many people be cared about with him made it all the more worse. Dying on his own was okay but dying with his friends - their much shorter lifespans - was not what he wanted to see. "All of us together... yeah."

"What are they going to do to us?" Gabby's question was a faint whisper. Renata saw the terrified girl and moved on over to give her a side hug. Her feet seemed to have reclaimed their balance and her cheeks were halfway to looking normal again. But once Gabby felt Renata's touch, she once again knew that the warmth was back and stronger than ever.

"Donna?" the Doctor called once he noticed the ginger had been staring into space. He presumed it was the crippling fear. Like Renata had done with Gabby, the Doctor went for Donna. Soon as he touched her, she snapped out of her trance. "I'm sorry, there's nothing else we can do."

"No, I know," she gave a quick nod.

"Ren, you're really warm again," Gabby said quietly but the others still overheard.

Renata tried playing it off with a small laugh. "I just expelled unknown, possibly toxic, energy. Minor side effect but I'm fine."

The Doctor watched her carefully, knowing she was lying. She did it so easily, so casually, that he wondered when was the last time she didn't have to hide something about herself? When was the last time she had the luxury to be who she was, to always say how she felt? He never thought about that. So far he'd been very focused on his anger for what she didn't tell him. He never stopped to think about the reasons she was accustomed to being so reclusive. The Assessor blackmailing her, threatening her, to choose their family. Her own family planting values that contradicted her hearts. She grew up that way. She never had a choice.

"I'm fine, Doctor, really," Renata presumed his long, silent stare was just concern.

"There's a fluttering noise…" Gabby trailed off beside her, eyes keen on finding out where the fluttering was coming from.

"Surrender, Doctor, and face your Dalek masters!" the Daleks commanded from the other side.

"Daleks," Rose had no idea how to feel about that so she just laughed nervously. "Ha!"

Jack sucked in a breath, mentally preparing himself for whatever was coming next. "Oh, God!" The one thing they could both agree on, however, was that somehow the Doctor would pull it off. He could save them and everyone.

Their unwavered confidence in the Doctor pulled a tiny smile from him. He gazed at everyone in the room. "It's been good, though, hasn't it? All of us... all of it... everything we did…" he specifically looked at Renata for the last part. It was surprising, considering their pending fallout, but he needed her to know that no matter what he never regretted meeting her again.

"It has," she agreed after a long minute of silence. Her only regret was her past choices, but never meeting him at all. "I'm just sorry that I wasn't the best I could be."

Rose's eyes flickered between the pair with a questionable look. There was a twist in her stomach, warning her that she was missing out on something big.

The Doctor took the lead towards the door, albeit a bit slower than usual. He carefully opened the door and slid out.

"Daleks reign supreme! All hail the Daleks!" the Supreme Dalek began the chant as soon as they spotted the Doctor.

Most of the group was out to see themselves at the center of an entire Dalek emporium, all of them collectively chanting their favorite phrase. "Daleks reign supreme! All hail the Daleks! Daleks reign supreme! All hail the Daleks!"

Renata felt like the air in her lungs had vanished. The last time she'd been surrounded by these many Daleks was the Time War, and that was too painful - too traumatizing - to bring back at a time like this. Her legs buckled again, making her bump into Jack's back. "S-sorry," she quickly said.

"What is going on with you, Ren? Apart from the obvious," Jack came to her aid and put one arm around her shoulders to help her walk. She was hot, literally. Her skin might as well be boiling.

The Doctor happened to look back and saw Renata struggling again. Plus, neither Gabby nor Donna had come out of the TARDIS yet. "Gabby? Donna?" he called to them. "It's no safer in there…"

Gabby was on her way out but she noticed Donna was staring at something, perhaps something no one else saw. "Donna? C'mon," she gently called to the woman.

Donna seemed to blink out of another trance. Like the fluttering, the heartbeats wouldn't stop. "Right…"

Gabby nodded and turned to leave, when the doors literally shut in her face. It actually hurt her nose a bit. Her brow furrowed in confusion and, frankly, a bit of anger. "HEY!" Donna rushed over to her side to bang on the door as well. They were not going to stay inside. If they were going to die then they wanted to do it with their friends.

"Doctor!" Donna roared with each bang she hit the door with.

The Doctor had already ran to the TARDIS to pry the doors open. Renata attempted to do the same but nearly fell from weakness if Jack hadn't tightened his hold around her.

"What's happened!?" Renata cried as she watched the Doctor pull the doors in vain. Gabby and Donna were collectively shouting to be freed, even accusing the Doctor of locking them away, but of course he hadn't done it.

"What did you do!?" the Doctor furiously turned to the Supreme Dalek.

"This is not of Dalek origin."

"Of course it's you!" Renata exclaimed. "Now open the doors!"

The Doctor didn't believe a word either. "Stop it! They're my friends. Now, open the door and let them out!"

"This is Time Lord treachery!" the Supreme declared, bringing the Doctor to a momentary pause.

"Me!?" he repeated, frankly incredulous. They didn't have an actual body but they had a stupid eye stalk to see. "The door just closed on its own!"

"Nevertheless: the TARDIS is a weapon and it will be destroyed." As soon as the Supreme Dalek declared it, a trapdoor opened up underneath the TARDIS and swallowed it whole.

Gabby and Donna both fell backwards on the floor with the harsh drop.

"NOOO!" Renata screamed just like before when the Doctor had been struck by a Dalek. She frantically pushed Jack away and tried running, only to fall with her wobbly legs. Golden energy sprang from her body, though, and hit the spot where the TARDIS had just been.

"Detain the Time Lady," the Supreme Dalek ordered.

"Stay back tin-boys," Jack aimed his gun at them. It might not do much but he wasn't going to let more people get taken.

"Now stop it!" the Doctor was enraged as he turned towards the nearing Daleks. He ran to Renata to help her stand but hissed when his hands touched her body. "You stay the hell away from her! And bring my friends back! Where are you taking them!?"

"The Crucible has a heart of Z-Neutrino Energy. The TARDIS will be deposited into the core."

Renata was lucid enough to understand the implication. She used the Doctor as a pillar to stand again and glared at the Supreme Dalek. "You've taken...the defeeeence...down!" She breathed hard but it would not stop her from attacking if she needed to. "You'll killll...them!"

~ 0 ~

Inside the TARDIS, Gabby and Donna cried for dear life. The fall - wherever they were heading - was picking up speed the longer they took. They each held to a rail and watched as the console lights spark and shoot fires as if they were cooking.

And maybe they were…

Gabby gripped her railing as hard as she could, bringing a white shade to her skin in the process, but if she was paying attention to her fingers she would see a light lavender glow. But she was too scared to do anything but scream and cry, and think about the fact she was going to die.

"The jar!" Donna was the first to see the jar with the Doctor's severed hand glowing like mad. It almost looked like it would finally tip over from all the shakes.

"Donna, don't!" Gabby reached for the ginger when she attempted to get to the console.

Donna had heard the heartbeat again and this time she was sure that it was coming from the console. She needed to know what it was. So, however way she could, she wobbled towards the console.

"Donna!" Gabby shrieked when one particular spark billowed a gray smoke over them. She let go of the rail and nearly fell over the other one. Her best bet was following Donna and be near the Captain's chair.

The two made it just before the TARDIS threw them flat on their stomachs.

Donna shook her head then raised it. Her eyes locked on the jar with a new sense of determination. It was calling to her, in heartbeats. She felt like she couldn't turn away anymore. It needed her.

"Am I crazy…" Gabby was squinting from the smoke, "...or do I hear fluttering -- Donna!" She'd caught Donna's arm just as the ginger had reached for the jar. As soon as Donna touched it, the regeneration energy in the jar wrapped around them until the entire jar shattered. 

~ 0 ~

The TARDIS appeared on a screen for the group to see. It was being submerged into an oozy energy.

"The females and the TARDIS will perish together! Observe," the Supreme Dalek said. "The last children of Gallifrey is powerless."

Renata was destroyed - more than that but she wouldn't be able to describe it if anyone asked her - when she saw the screen. It was too much like watching her family burn all over again. She gripped the Doctor's arm around her, perhaps squeezing it too tight but he didn't notice. He couldn't feel.

He felt utterly powerless as he watched his friends practically burn to death. "Please. I'm begging you, I'll do anything! Put me in their place! You can do anything to me, I don't care, just get them out of there!"

But the Daleks said nothing.

Renata frantically looked between the screen and the empty spot behind them. That was Gabriella - Gabby - dying in there, the girl who'd been so curious about the world that she took the greatest risk of her life by coming into the TARDIS. It was Gabby, the first girl - the first human - to ever make Renata feel fondness towards them. Martha had done wonders but even after her, Renata was always weary of humans...even poor Donna got a taste of it before meeting Gabby.

Gabby had helped change Renata so much and the Time Lady had only realized it up until now. The intoxicated energy inside her was a result of her trying to keep Gabby safe. Never in her life did Renata ever dream of putting herself in danger for a human. Each person she'd met so far had slowly changed her - no one more than the Doctor - but Gabby was a really close second.

And now she was gone. Dead.

"You are connected to the TARDIS. Now, feel it die," the Supreme Dalek said to the Doctor.

~ 0 ~

The regeneration energy exploded and managed to throw Gabby across the room, her back hitting the rails. The golden energy around her had faded as a strong purple glow took over instead. Donna, however, seemed more immune to the regeneration energy. It merely left her to spread to the severed hand now twitching...spreading more...and more...until it formed the shape of a man.

And then suddenly the Doctor sprang up from the floor.

Donna gawked with a mouth fully open. "It's you!"

"Oh yes!"

Her eyes happened to lower and made her realize he wasn't wearing any clothes. "And you're naked!"

It didn't faze him whatsoever. "Oh yes!"

~ 0 ~

"Total TARDIS destruction in ten rels!" one of the Daleks announced. "Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five!"

~ 0 ~

Gabby slowly blinked awake from her spot and saw the new Doctor trying to reach for something on the console. She ignored the question of how it was possible, but she knew it wasn't the Doctor they knew. "Hey - you get away from there!" She lurched towards him, with a hand forwards and accidentally fired a jet of purple butterflies.

It didn't reach the Doctor in time, for he had pressed a specific button on the console, but it did go over Donna who shrieked in horror and tried swatting them away. Gabby brought her hands to her chest, eyes widened and flickering from side to side.

Had she just done that?

~ 0 ~

"Four! Three! Two! One!" the Dalek said just as the TARDIS faded from the energy.

It struck the Doctor more than he would've thought. He felt empty and yet there was an overwhelming fury that began to spread through him.

"The TARDIS has been destroyed. Now, tell me, Doctor... what do you feel?" the Supreme Dalek asked him. "Anger? Sorrow? Despair?"

"Yeah," the Doctor answered through gritted teeth.

Renata sniffed as it truly dawned on her that Gabby and Donna were gone. She started to scream with the same fury the Doctor was keeping inside, only her fury seemed to bring something else outside. Once again, the golden energy burst from her to strike whatever was in front of her. Jack and Rose had to dive in opposite directions and the Doctor had to let go of her before he was burned. Renata's sobs were painful enough to hear, but it seemed like each time she expelled energy it physically pained her. The only difference now was that there were a few (half) formed golden butterflies in the midst of the energy blasts.

"The cosmic butterfly," Rose whispered in true horror. It was Renata. "She's here."

Jack had no idea what Rose meant but he did see more Daleks coming for them - for Renata - and decided to act. He grabbed his gun on the side and fired. "Get away!"

"Exterminate!" the Supreme Dalek directly shot Jack.

"No!" Rose watched Jack fall to the ground. She was yet to learn about his new immortal abilities - the ones she herself granted him. She rushed over to his side, hoping that they'd gotten just a bit lucky and that he would still be alive. "Jack! Oh, my God. Oh, no…"

The Doctor didn't know whether to go to Rose and keep her away from the leering Daleks or Renata who was still crying and bursting with energy. The Time Lady helplessly cried but the Doctor no longer knew if her tears were for Gabby and Donna or for herself being in physical pain.

"Detain the Time Lady in the Vault, along with the Doctor and their companion," the Supreme Dalek commanded.

Renata could see her surroundings from the corners of her eyes and it looked a lot like Daleks. She groaned and put her best effort to standing up without hurting the Doctor and Rose.

"You need to stop," the Doctor hurried to catch her before she fell forwards.

"I-I can't," she swallowed hard, clearly in pain. "It's-it's just coming ou…" Her body lurched forwards again, onto him in the process. He understood she couldn't control it and it scared him that this was her end as well. If the toxins were in too deep then regeneration wouldn't be possible.

He didn't want to lose her twice.

~ 0 ~

The new Doctor had found himself a blue suit to wear and was making mends to the TARDIS to the best of his ability under the circumstances. "All repaired! Lovely. Shh! No-one knows we're here! Gotta keep quiet. Silent running, like on submarines when they can't even drop a spanner. Don't drop a spanner. I like blue, what do you think?"

Donna was completely awed by the fact there was a literal copy of the Doctor in front of them, but Gabby was a bit more angry.

"You tell me how the hell I conjured butterflies!" She pointed at him as if he was the reason for her new ability, and in pointing at him...she released more purple butterflies that he had to swat away from his face.

"Watch where you point that thing!" he said with a scrunched face.

"How is this possible!?" Gabby stomped her foot. "How are you possible!?"

"Maybe it's what Time Lords do," Donna said after some careful thinking. "Like they lop a bit off and grow another one? You're like worms!"

"No, no, no, no, no, I'm unique!" the Doctor said, sounding incredibly offended. "Never been another like me! Because all that regeneration energy went into the hand - look at my hand, I love that hand…" he wiggled his fingers but that didn't bring any amusement from either woman. "But then you touched it -- WHAM!" he screamed so loud that both women jumped.

"Stop that!" Gabby exclaimed.

"It was an instantaneous biological metacrisis. I grew... out of you," he said to Donna, not appearing to like the reality of things. "Still, could be worse."

Gabby exchanged a look with Donna and without having to tell her to do it, Gabby raised her finger and pointed it at the Doctor. A series of purple butterflies slapped his face.

"Stop that!" He cried.

"Then watch it, spaceman!" Donna snapped. She wasn't going to let some carbon copy tell her off.

"Oi! Watch it, Earth-girl!" the Doctor ended up using the same tone, surprising himself and the others in the process. "Oh!" he was even doing the same gaping mouth expression as Donna. "I sound like you! I sound all... all sort of, rough!"

"Oi!" Donna said, not sure if that was an insult or just something Doctor-y.

"Oi!" went the Doctor in the same exact tone.

"Oi!"

"Oi!"

"Would you stop it!?" Gabby shouted at them both. "We need to get back to the Crucible and save the others!"

But as Gabby reminded them of the pending trouble, the Doctor had come to another realization. His hand was over his chest and there was a completely terrified expression on his face. "You are kidding me, no way. One heart...I've got one heart! This body... has got only one heart!"

That definitely got both Gabby and Donna to freeze. "What?" They even said together.

Donna wanted to verify for herself so she put her hand over his chest and felt the one heartbeat underneath. "You're human!"

"Oh, that's disgusting!" cried the man.

"Would you stop that!?" Gabby once more shouted at him. She was finding it hard to believe that this was truly another Doctor when he was being so incredibly rude towards their kind.

"I'm... part Time Lord, part human…" the Doctor scowled and looked at Donna. "Well, isn't that wizard?"

"I kept hearing that noise... that heartbeat," Donna said, beginning to feel like it was all his fault.

"Oh, that was me. My single heart," he said dismissively as he went back to the console. "'Cos I'm a- complicated event in time and space, must've rippled back. Converging on you."

"But why me?"

"Because you're special."

Donna got exasperated with the stupid answer. "Oh, I keep telling you: I'm not."

"Of course you are, Donna." Even Gabby was agreeing with him which just further irritated her.

"Oh…" the Doctor realized something after really studying Donna's shifting response, "You really don't believe that, do you? I can see, Donna... what you're thinking. All that attitude, all that lip, 'cos all this time... you think you're not worth it."

"Stop it," Donna spat and turned her head away from him and Gabby.

"Shouting at the world 'cos no-one's listening. Well... why should they?"

"Do you really think that about yourself, Donna?" Gabby softly asked. Donna wouldn't look at her but she didn't shake her head to deny it either. "Why? I think you're amazing."

"Oh," Donna scoffed. "Please. You're an artist -- you've got your whole life ahead of you and what have I done with mine? Waste it."

"You haven't wasted your life, Donna. It's been a bumpy ride but there's so much you can do."

"We were always heading for this," the Doctor mumbled in thought, getting both women to gaze at him. "You came to the TARDIS on your wedding day--"

"--I was kidnapped!" Donna said, for a moment sounding like Renata that she smiled for just one second.

"And you found me again," the Doctor went on, referring to the Adipose Industries event. "Even your grandad...and your car!" he was suddenly so excited. "Donna, your car! You parked your car right where the TARDIS was gonna land, that's not a coincidence at all! We've been blind! Something's been drawing us together for such a long time!"

"Stop spinning your crazy man," Gabby physically went ahead and stopped him from endlessly turning in his spot. "And explain yourself."

"You're talking like... destiny," Donna released a breath. "But there's no such thing... is there?"

"The Cosmic Butterfly is a well known destiny," the Doctor said and looked to Gabby who just blinked response.

"Come again?"

"Well it's what I know, what I heard," he said. "Cos see, the parallel worlds' walls have been crumbling for some time and a lot of these things echo into our world, bleed through it. And since I was a complicated event in the time lines, I heard things. You, Gabby, are the Cosmic Butterfly. You are another fixed point in time. You are…" he seemed to run out of breath just thinking about whatever the Cosmic Butterfly truly was, "You are something that...requires a lot of caution."

"Doctor, you're scaring me," Gabby took a few steps back and swallowed hard. "Rose said the same thing about a butterfly…but she thought it was Renata."

"No, it's you. You're the Cosmic Butterfly. Your finger!" He reached for her hand despite having to fight with her to take it. "Your hands! You're already beginning to express those powers! My regeneration energy kickstarted them! They've been dormant up until now. Sorry about that."

Gabby's head was spinning with thousands of questions but the main thing she wanted to know concerned Renata. For whatever that was happening to herself right now, she didn't feel weak like Renata was. The energy was just coming out of her like nothing. Clearly, it wasn't the same for Renata. "What about Ren? She's worse off than me."

"Because she's not like you," the Doctor said, visibly swallowing hard. Fear had etched across his face, his eyes widening slowly. "Word will travel about her. They have in other worlds. She's...something else, something more chaotic..."

"What do you mean?" Gabby felt her chest constrict. The prediction of death, that's all that came to mind.

"They called her...the Vortex Butterfly in the other worlds."

~ 0 ~

Down in the vault there were few noises, and the few were overpowered by the constant groans and cries of Renata. The Daleks had placed her, the Doctor and Rose in three separate 'prisons' in the Vault room - a spacious room - that looked more like spotlights. The Doctor was in-between Renata and Rose, but despite where they were and what was probably coming next, most of the Doctor's attention - if not all - was on his right.

Renata was sitting over her legs, her body leaning forwards as if she were throwing up, and couldn't stop groaning. Every part of her body ached. Because every few minutes her body would expel more golden energy that inflamed her entire prison - blinding anyone around her - and would then leave her in a more weakened state. And when she wasn't groaning, she cried, because of the pain...and because her friends were dead.

"Interesting child of Time," Davros' raspy voice honestly gave Rose the shivers. Perhaps it wasn't all that bad being trapped inside the prison if it meant keeping Davros from touching her. However, he seemed more focused on the Time Lady on their far right. "I assume this is the Cosmic Butterfly Dalek Caan mentioned."

The Doctor gritted his teeth so hard he actually felt the sting of pain through his jaw. "You leave her alone," he darkly warned.

"It is time we talked, Doctor, after so very long--"

"No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing the nostalgia tour. I want to know what's happening right here, right now, 'cos the Supreme Dalek said 'vault', yeah? As in, dungeon. Cellar. Prison. You're not in charge of the Daleks, are you? They've got you locked away down here in the basement, like, what, a servant? Slave? Court jester?"

"We have... an arrangement," Davros barely finished when Renata's loud, raspy laugh cut through the conversation.

She raised her head a bit, revealing her pale cheeks. "Forrrrgive mee…" she drew in a breath, "...for laughing….ha!" She groaned and clutched her stomach.

"You're the Dalek's pet!" the Doctor spat.

Davros turned his chair towards Rose, and in doing the blonde leaned back as if he would cross the prison. "So very full of fire, is he not? And to think, you crossed entire universes, striding parallel to parallel to find him again."

"Admirable," Renata once again cut in, surprising Rose (and perhaps the Doctor for a moment). Renata wished she could stand but she honestly couldn't even feel her legs anymore. "She's...been brave enough...to do what...some of us couldn't. He had toooo leave her...but sheee...she fought to come baaack…" She tried turning her head in Rose's direction in a way that would cause her the least throbbing. "Admirable. Brave."

For a moment, Rose's face softened at the woman. "I've met a lot of versions of you...but you're the only who's ever complimented me."

Renata smiled weakly. "Yeah, well...I'm not a nice person," she sniffed. "In fact...I'm a liar."

"Enough!" Davros snapped but Renata screamed and let the energy flame from her body.

"If I'm dying then I'm gonna say what I want!"

"Renata, save your energy," the Doctor turned to her desperately. "Please, no more talking, no more moving…"

"Ah, forget it Doctor," Renata swallowed hard and turned her body to face him and Rose instead of Davros. "For once...I want to be honest. And if this is really it...I want people to know that I-I did get better. I tried to."

"Don't-don't talk," the Doctor continued to plead but she had made her choice.

"Rose, you have to understand…" Renata shuddered a breath and placed a palm against the invisible barrier. She was going to try to stand. "I-I'm not, I've never been a good person but he--" she made a small nod towards the Doctor, "--he found something good in me. He tried helping me and I repaid him by breaking his hearts."

Rose didn't know why but she was clinging to Renata's every word. She could feel the woman's pain and regret, making her appear more human than any other version she'd met before.

"I-I made...all the wrong choices," Renata scrunched her face as she struggled to stand up.

"Renée, please," the Doctor whispered for her to stop but she just wouldn't.

"And when I-I realized that I...that I made the wrong choice, I didn't do anything about it. I let time pass me by, centuries, until I felt like I was just...floating through. But you, Rose, you were the opposite. Things pulled you apart...but you wouldn't take it - you did something about it. And now here you are. That...that is admirable. I respect you. I didn't before but...well, that's another thing the Doctor and everyone else on this planet has taught me."

Rose actually felt tears in her eyes. She didn't even know Renata enough to cry over something she said about her, but Rose couldn't help it. It was as if she could feel every last bit that Renata was harboring inside her hearts. "There were rumors about the Cosmic Butterfly that didn't make sense to me," Rose almost smiled at the irony. Some would say that the Cosmic Butterfly was a dangerous creature and yet others said it was known to be emphatic and even made it a two way street. Perhaps this is what Renata was doing unknowingly.

Renata was none the wiser. She had started something and she wanted to finish it before her body prevented her from. "You know what? Right now, I'm 756 years old and I realize that I don't think I've ever truly loved my lives. I've lived, almost had a child, but I was never really happy." She paused for a moment, head hanging low before concluding what she wanted to do. She'd managed to stand up but was leaning entirely against the prison's wall. She met the Doctor's gaze with a sad smile. "I confess that I, Renata, Reneé, might just want to die."

Now it was the Doctor's turn to get ready eyed. With their proper tools Renata couldn't follow the true customs of what a Time Lord did before dying. Her confession dial was non-existent and so she would do it verbally. She would confess the last of her secrets to him, to anyone who would listen.

"Please don't do it," his beg was frail but Renata just sniffed and smiled at him, assuring him things would be okay even when she had no idea if that was true.

"I confess that I made the wrong choice centuries ago because I was scared, because I was a coward. I confess that I never truly moved on. And I confess that meeting you again scared me to the bone because I was afraid of falling again. I was afraid of hurting you again. And I did it. And I am so sorry. I confess that I do love you, that I have never stopped, and that is not a regret."

The Doctor wished he could get to her in that moment and hold her. He didn't even think about their argument, much less his anger. She truly felt like she was dying and what was worse is that she wanted to die. She didn't want to live anymore. Her life was so unbearable that she would rather it end. He pounded a fist against the wall keeping him away from her, frustrated that he couldn't do any of the things he wanted.

Renata turned her head at Davros who'd been nothing but silent for the past minutes. Her expression had gone dark, a new emotion she had yet to display. "And I confess that if I'm truly dying, I am going to take down every last Dalek on this ship. You wanted a child of Time? You got the worst one." The flames of energy danced over her body until, once again, it was released and covered her prison from top to bottom.

"Interesting energy," Davros had to confess himself. "The same energy that Dalek Caan spoke of." He pressed a button on the control panel of his chair and revealed Dalek Caan himself planted on a platform in the room.

"She is the Vortex Butterfly," Dalek Caan said in a sing-song manner. Confusion spread across the Doctor's face but a more fearsome feeling took over Rose. She spared Renata a brief glance with widened eyes.

"That's not - that's…" the Doctor did the same and stared down at Renata. She'd crumpled to the floor again, groaning as new flames of energy prepared to burst. "That's the...vortex!" the Doctor almost smacked himself for being so blind. "Of course!"

"What is he talking about?" Rose asked him, eyes flickering from Renata to Dalek Caan.

"The golden energy is the Time Vortex but I couldn't know that because the toxins have mutated it with the Osiran energy. I completely forgot that the Osiran energy's main function is to heal and that's a huge contradiction to the levels of the Vortex inside Renata, not to mention the Block Transfer energy from Zhe's gallery. It's growing volatile the more it combines." 

Rose hated to admit that in times like these, she still could find a moment to appreciate his rambling of light speed.

Renata began to cry again but the burst of energy overshadowed her voice. The Doctor turned to the woman, trying to keep his eyes on her despite the blinding light from her energy. "The Time Vortex, the Block Transfer energy, the Osiran energy...they've created something new. The Vortex Butterfly. The butterflies, Renée."

"The butterflies of death," Dalek Caan giggled, causing a deepened scowl to mark the Doctor's face.

"Shut up!" He snapped.

When the cortex energy dissipated once more, Renata slightly turned her head at him. Her eyes were red and teary from fatigue. She noticed the way Rose was now staring at her. "You-you about this, don't you?"

Seeing who she was talking to, the Doctor quickly turned to Rose, desperate for any information that could help Renata. "Rose? Please?"

Rose didn't want to say anything particularly bad considering Renata had just poured her hearts and feelings out to her just minutes before. It would be wrong but... keeping quiet would also be wrong. "I thought you were the Cosmic Butterfly. The Vortex Butterfly is a far more dangerous creature when it wants to be. I've met many versions of you and...and some of them were like Gabby. These big butterfly creatures...like hybrids."

For a minute, Renata panicked at the idea that perhaps death wasn't coming for her. A space mutation was creeping over instead. "So...so what's going to happen to me?"

"So cold and dark. Fire is coming... the endless flames…" Dalek Caan answered and this time it was Rose who shot it a glare.

"Shut up! I don't understand how you know all that, but--"

"Dalek Caan flew into the Time War, unprotected," Davros explained to her. "He saw Time. Its infinite complexity and majesty raging through his mind."

"And I saw everything," Dalek Caan agreed from the platform. "The Vortex Butterfly draws from the Time Vortex itself and can kill anything in its path. The Cosmic Butterfly can follow in the same path. I saw them and I saw all three of you here, and I know that the Doctor will be here, as witness, at the end of everything. The Doctor and his precious Children of Time! And one of them will die...!"

The Doctor could barely contain his rage, but in the end what was the point of containing it? "Was it you!? kill Donna and Gabby? Why did the TARDIS door close? Tell me!"

Davros was delighted by the sight. "Oh that's it! The end, the fire, the rage of a Time Lord who butchered millions. There he is. Why so shy? Show your companions... show them your true self." The Doctor did not look anywhere but the floor, uneasy. "Dalek Caan has promised me that, too.

"I have seen it. At the time of ending, the Doctor's soul will be revealed," Dalek Caan confirmed, but the Doctor wasn't having it from a ridiculous Dalek that couldn't even move anymore.

"What does that mean?"

"We will discover it together... our final journey," Davros promised. "Because the ending approaches. The testing begins."

"Testing of what?" the Doctor called when Davros turned away from them.

"The Reality Bomb." He brought up a screen for them to see exactly what he was talking about. "Behold... the apotheosis of my genius."

Down in a chamber were dozens of humans crowded into one spot like a herd. The Doctor dreaded what they were planning on doing with the innocent humans, but all he could do was watch.

~0~

"Now you tell me what this whole butterfly thing is all about!" Gabby was rounding on the new Doctor while he madly went around the console, trying to figure out what the Daleks were up to. "Or so help me-" but before she could finish her threat, the TARDIS shuddered and rocked the trio inside.

"It's the planets. The twenty-seven planets!" the Doctor realized once he caught sight of the monitor.

~0~

Renata had raised her head the necessary amount to see what was on the screen. Each stolen planet were bathed in a white glow.

"But that's Z-Neutrino Energy," the Doctor realized first. "Flattened by the alignment of the planets into a single stream - no!" he shouted once he figured out the plan. There were too many lives at stake and they had no care about it. "Davros. Davros, you can't! You can't! NO!"

The planets glowed stronger but inside the chamber the humans were beginning to dissolve into atoms. And just like that, the glows around the planet disappeared, but so had the humans entirely.

~0~

"What...what just happened?" Rose swallowed hard. She could see the Doctor's blind panic - almost feel it herself - and the satisfaction on Davros crusty face meant true horror.

"Electrical energy, Miss Tyler," Davros answered. "Every atom in existence is bound by an electrical field. The Reality Bomb cancels it out - structure falls apart. That test was focused on the prisoners alone. Full transmission will dissolve every form of matter."

"The stars are going out…" Rose quietly realized. It was what was killing the stars, but how could they do it in every world? She turned her head in Renata's direction, tears coming to her eyes. "It was me. You-you were right." Renata met the girl's gaze and, despite bearing no accusation, she confirmed it with silence. Rose felt like her lungs had run out of air once the load truly fell on her. She hadn't created any Reality Bomb, bit her traveling through parallel worlds had cracked the already weakened walls of the world's from the Battle of Canary Wharf. Each time she crossed to a different world, she gave the Daleks access to a new world of experiments. It was HER her fault.

"You couldn't have known," Renata exhaled as if she'd been holding her breath that whole time. "And besides, THEY they-" she narrowed her eyes at Davros, "-are the ones who created this. They stole 27 planets, turning them into one vast transmitter. And they blasted that wavelength…"

"Across the entire universe," Davros finished for her, eager to actually, as if he wanted everyone to know their amazing project. "Never stopping. Never faltering. Never fading. People and planets and stars will become dust. And the dust will become atoms and the atoms will become... nothing. And the wavelength will continue, breaking through the Rift at the heart of the Medusa Cascade into every dimension, every parallel, every single corner of creation. This is my ultimate victory, Doctor! The destruction of reality itself!"

[raywritesthings]

It is interesting that you can write 10 so well considering the way you feel about him. I understand what you mean, I do, but I think there’s more going on there and 10 is my favorite in part because he has such a depth, hurt and real emotions to him, even that he hurts others (and he does). I can’t stand 12 see him as almost evil. SoI get it! I just wanna say you have mad skills to be able to write him despite your feelings. So please don’t take this the wrong way. I couldn’t write 12. No way!

Anonymous said:Whoops, I didn’t realize there was a bit of an argument going on when I sent that last comment. I was just replying to your post about shipping 10 and Donna but not liking 10 outside of series 4! Definitely didn’t mean to get into anything here... Sorry! You can just ignore me. Lol.

Haha, no it’s okay. I think the debate has blown over. And sorry if it seems like I was ignoring this; I was just celebrating my birthday yesterday and didn’t have time to get on my laptop to properly reply. And it’s probably gonna be long (sorry) so the rest of this is gonna go under a cut. Read more if you all wanna know some of my thoughts on Ten, otherwise feel free to skip.

Firstly, I want to thank you for the compliment. Regardless of how I feel about a particular character, when I sit down and write them I try to get into their head and into what they’re thinking and do it from their point of view. Now, I don’t always agree with what they think/feel/do in the story, but I present it as logically as I can.

My frustration with Ten specifically is that, while David Tennant put so much into the character and RTD clearly had certain character beats or threads he wanted to explore - they’re never really given their proper due in the narrative. 

Like, there’s this idea there that he and Rose are too reckless/careless in series 2, a bit too arrogant and uncaring of how their actions impact others (we see it specifically with Mickey and Jackie), and that it leads to the creation of an organization bent on stopping the Doctor (even though Rose was the one ceaseless bugging Victoria, but I digress). Here’s the thing, though: the initial plan for Tooth and Claw was for them to accidentally get Queen Victoria killed, thus altering/damaging history. Real consequences, not just a single moment where we see Jackie sad in the Elton episode, or Rose admitting for one second that they take Mickey for granted right before we say bye to him in the parallel world (for the time being). But without that plot, a majority of the audience completely misses that idea. Series 2 is considered the “good times” for Ten, where everything was right and nothing bad had happened yet. Never mind that there was plenty wrong with him already.

“Don’t you think she looks tired?” With one bit of misogynistic language, he topples the government that was supposed to usher in a Golden Age according to his previous incarnation. Into the power vacuum steps the Master. There’s this repeating theme that the Tenth Doctor creates his own worst problems, but it’s never really crystallized in the narrative. Again, I read that RTD was planning to emphasize that, but never quite got around to it.

On the other hand, the narrative has no problem shifting blame off of him wherever possible. “Then what happens next is your own doing,” he tells the Racnoss Empress before pressing a button he knows will drown all of her children. “You make me this,” he says to Miss Hartigan before destroying her and the other Cybermen. It doesn’t exactly matter that they’re evil; he’s still blaming the victim of his actions for causing his actions in the first place, rather than taking ownership of them. And other characters do it for him, too! “Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.” “The Doctor is worth the monsters.” “He’s like fire.” Like it’s just a natural thing that he can’t help it if you get hurt, when there are absolutely things he could be doing to mitigate the damage he causes, he just doesn’t. And almost nobody holds him accountable, at least not successfully.

Almost nobody - enter Donna Noble.

Donna was the best thing to ever happen to the Tenth Doctor’s character. I’ll be honest with you, I got into the show a bit late. DT was already gone, so I went back to watch his stuff after watching most of the Matt Smith era (what had aired of it at the time). A friend had told me to skip Rose, so I started right in on the Runaway Bride. Then, because I didn’t want to wait for more Donna, I skipped right over series 3 and went straight into 4. And here’s the thing; I genuinely liked his Doctor. I was enjoying it. Imagine when I then went back for series 3 and got to see what an asshole he’d been for an entire series to Martha. And then peeked back at series 2 to see if it was a fluke only to discover even more I found distasteful.

It was like night and day! He’s quite simply a different character around Donna. That’s the only real way I can explain it. Part of it just has to do with the Runaway Bride. It is so important to their development as characters and as a relationship. Because they see each other at their absolute worst - and there’s no hiding that. There’s really no excuses for it. Donna knows exactly what he is capable of - and demands better. Won’t take no for an answer. And because he wants to impress her, wants her to like him, he delivers. That’s simply it. He cares about her opinion of him in a way that he didn’t care about what Martha thought. He wanted Martha around, but he felt he had free license to lash out and give her as much hell as he liked until she refused to take it anymore.

People like to say he’s grieving in series 3. Okay, I get it’s fine to have emotions and feel sad and miss someone. That doesn’t give him a pass to treat the people around him - people he invites into his life - like dirt. And yet, he’s largely left off the hook for that. Martha gets her goodbye speech, and Ten admits to Donna in Partners in Crime that what happened “was all my fault”, but by the Sontaran Stratagem notice how the narrative has shifted what that means. What happened is no longer “I made Martha feel unwelcome and like she didn’t matter as much as other people for an entire year (or two)” and is instead “I taught Martha how to fight and she became a soldier”. Because it’s no fun acknowledging that your main character - the through-line for most of RTD’s era - was kind of an abusive friend.

The Tenth Doctor to me is a Byronic Hero in the worst sense. Broodingly handsome and haunted by the things he’s done in the past, meant for girls to swoon over and tolerate how he treats them because he’s in pain. But Donna doesn’t give any of that nonsense the time of day, and that’s why he had to change so much in series 4. The few times he slips back into it, she’s there to pull him out or flat-out tell him “I think you’re wrong”. If he had grown out of that Byronic phase of his life, if the series 4 him had remained for the rest of his run, I might have found his character alright. There was an arc there, and he learned something and improved.

But instead, with Journey’s End, all the good is undone. He lobotomizes Donna. Full-stop. Sends Rose away with his clone and doesn’t tell anyone else what’s going to happen or that he’ll be alone, because he knows what’s best for all of them and this has to be the way. I think he likes being that tragic figure a little too much. He enjoys blaming all of his woes on inevitability and “the curse of the Time Lords”. It’s nice to have a scapegoat for all his wrongs. (Isn’t it so convenient, that Dalek Caan prophecy which declares the metacrisis “destiny”? Almost like it’s not the Doctor’s fault for leaving his hand lying around chock full of regeneration energy for anyone to touch. It simply had to happen, completely out of his control. It’s not his fault, isn’t that nice?) And then he’s killing Miss Hartigan like he did the Racnoss Empress, he’s turning down Christina because he’s meant to be alone~, he’s fighting time itself in Waters of Mars.

Sidenote, I hate the whole Time Lord Victorious title-y thing. You know why? Cause it lets the narrative push the blame again. It’s treated like this separate persona, what he ‘almost became’ - bullshit. That was the Tenth Doctor. He did those things. He spiraled out of control. The only reason he stopped was because a woman put a bullet in her head. He thinks the Ood is there to signal his death at the end and to be honest, I agreed with him. He deserved to die there.

When it came down to the Tenth Doctor’s actual final episode, RTD had to make a choice between a big, bombastic finale and a quieter, personal one. He went with the first option; had to send his hero out with a proper swan song, right? But the quiet finale I feel had much more potential to do something good to his character. Nobody watches the End of Time now for the plot - they watch it for those quiet scenes between him and Wilf, where he finally starts to admit his failings and owns up to them. It is beautifully tragic, and rightly so. The Tenth Doctor is a mass of contradiction and complexity, and I can absolutely respect people who find value in that and consider him their favorite character. My issue stems with the way the narrative chose not to properly interact with that complexity. I have an issue with characters who get off scot-free while others are held accountable in the same narrative. It bothers me. The hypocrisy in the writing there feels like an injustice. It also doesn’t help that I think any and all Byronic Heroes can go step off the nearest cliff and stop bothering women who would be much better off without them.

So I think if I tried to write him outside of that series 4 bubble (excepting some kind of post-Journey’s End fixit or, possibly, something to do with Sarah Jane because she’s about the only other character who made him likable to me), you would see a much harsher take on him. I would write as fairly as I write any character I dislike, but I would hold him accountable where the show did not. I don’t know if that counts as bashing or not. To me, it’s honesty.

I think the reason I’m much more receptive to Twelve than you are is because I feel he does learn and improve from his initial beginnings. I’ve never managed to finish series 8. Believe me, I get it, it’s sometimes painful to sit and watch how he treats the people around him in those early episodes. But, if you haven’t done it, I would recommend skipping ahead and giving series 10 a try. Because to me, that is the proof that he learned, in a way Ten was never allowed to because RTD was determined to have his “tragic hero” ending. Certainly Twelve is not perfect (no Doctor is), but I would take his interactions with Bill Potts over series 2, 3, and the Specials any day.

So, if you read this far, again thanks very much for the compliment and for giving me the opportunity to expand on my Ten thoughts. I hope I didn’t offend, as I know it’s no fun to read criticisms of a favorite character, and I hope I continue to write him well for you!

[licieoic]

Deleted Scenes

I decided to post the deleted scenes from A Marriage of Convenience here! After all, why not, it’s my blog, it’s my story. ^_^ No idea how many people will be interested in reading these, but here they are anyway. :P

The following scenes under the cut - Harold Saxon, Viscount Oakdown, persuades Lady Rose Tyler that he intends to mend his friendship with Baron John Smith, called ‘the Doctor’ by his friends and ‘Theta’ by the Viscount. But his motives are far from friendly. (This is what happened in the three days that the Doctor and Donna were traveling to and from London.)

Warnings - kidnapping, firearms, threats of torture, violence, some blood, non-con touching. Basically lots of whump and angst, all the stuff I just skipped over in the fic. The Master is NOT a fun guy in this story.

It was nearing the dinner hour when Wilf came to Rose, announcing that a caller had arrived to see her. Perplexed as to who could be calling so late, she brushed off her simple green-sprigged day dress to make certain she was presentable and went to the sitting room where the unexpected guest was waiting.

She recognized him immediately. “Viscount Oakdown,” she said in surprise. “Whatever are you doing here?”

He bowed over her hand. “Lady Tyler, I apologize,” he said, the picture of contrition. “For coming here unannounced and uninvited at such a late hour. And also for my rudeness the last time we met. I’m afraid I was not in a right mind, blinded by my grief and anger that I’ve held onto for so long.”

Rose blinked a few times, unsure how to accept his apology when it was the Doctor who should really be hearing it. “Well, I… Your arrival is unexpected, but not unwelcome as long as I may trust you have something of significance to say.”

“Indeed I do.”

She indicated the sofa and sat down in an armchair herself, prepared to hear him out.

He settled himself and leaned forward. “Seeing Theta again unleashed a number of emotions in me,” he confessed. “Most of them lodged in old hurts, but many of them fond. Nostalgic. As he told you, he and I were once like brothers and if he can see fit to forgive my past behavior, perhaps we may find that relationship again. Will you help me plead my case, Lady Tyler? I know he will listen to you.”

Rose smiled, pleased that the Doctor might regain his lost friendship. “I would be more than happy to speak on your behalf, my lord, but I’m afraid it will have to wait. The Doctor just left for London today.”

His forehead creased. “Oh, dear.”

She tilted her head. “What is it?”

“I saw an accident up the road on my way here,” he said. “It looked like a wheel had broken and the carriage had tumbled off the road and halfway into the river. You don’t suppose that could have been Theta?”

Rose’s heart slammed against her ribcage. No. This couldn’t happen. Not so soon after the Doctor had spoken of his love for her. She couldn’t even think about what this meant for Tardis Manor, all she could focus on was the Doctor and Donna, potentially lost to her forever.

She surged to her feet, pulse hammering rapidly in her throat. “You don’t really think so?”

He lifted his brows, indicating he wasn’t sure. “It looked an awful lot like the carriage you took to my estate…”

She was already running for the door. Oakdown quickly followed her, keeping stride at her heels as she ran down the hall for the main foyer.

“Allow me to help you, my lady,” he said. “My carriage is right outside.”

“Yes! Thank you, yes!”

She didn’t even bother stopping to pull on a cloak, she ran right outside to the waiting carriage, completely ignoring Wilf who called out, asking her to wait.

Oakdown followed her into the coach, advising his driver, the same swarthy man that Rose had seen at the viscount’s gatehouse, “Drive on. Fast as you can.”

Once they were clear of Tardis Manor’s grounds, Rose had her face in the window, looking out as far as she could, searching for the accident he’d mentioned. “How far is it?”

He reached into his jacket. “Farther than you think.”

She turned to look at him and her eyes widened as she saw the pistol he was pointing at her.

“What are you doing?” she asked, sitting back in her seat, her eyes never leaving the firearm.

“There was no accident,” he said. “This was all just a ruse to get you to come with me.”

“Yes, I guessed that.” She swallowed, trying to think of a way out that wouldn’t end in her getting shot.

“Don’t bother trying to entreat my coachman for help,” he advised. “He’s paid very well to do whatever I say.”

“I don’t understand, we were both at your estate the other day. Why didn’t you try anything then? Why all the cloak and dagger?”

“Because you ruined my initial plan,” he said. “You were supposed to leave him once you’d heard what he did.” He made it sound like she’d been in on it and hadn’t followed through.

“But why are you doing this now? To make him think I’ve run off?” she asked.

He chuckled. “Oh, no, no. Collecting you was just a means to an end, my dear. The next stage of my plan, if you will.”

“Why not just shoot the Doctor and be done with it?” It was the last thing she wanted, of course, but she had to know his reasons behind kidnapping her.

His gray eyes betrayed a fiendish light. “I don’t just want Theta dead, Lady Tyler. I want him destroyed.”

Rose was suddenly aware that this man was completely mad. To have gone to such extreme lengths to manipulate her, to concoct such a convoluted scheme to enact his revenge, he was utterly around the bend.

He sat back with a little smile. “I really ought to thank you. I’ve been trying to hunt down where Theta disappeared to for years. It wasn’t until I saw your engagement notice that I located him again.”

Oh, God, she thought in horror. This is my fault. If she hadn’t needed the Doctor, he could have remained in obscurity. She took a breath, knowing one had to be very careful around mad people.

“I see.” She knew she wouldn’t be able to predict his behavior, but she thought if she could just maintain a facade of politeness, he wouldn’t feel inclined to get violent with her. “So, the end justifies the means, then, my lord?” she asked, striving to tamp down her inner panic and remain calm.

“Exactly,” he said with a twisted smile, as if happy that she understood him. “I will take everything from him that he loves and skewer him right through the heart.” As he spoke, he leaned forward, pressing the tip of the pistol to Rose’s chest, the gunmetal cold against her breastbone. “It just happens that you are where he keeps it.”

---

Oakdown kept one hand on the pistol and the other on the door handle of the coach the entire way, to ensure Rose wouldn’t jump out. Not that she would. She’d considered it, but even if he managed not to shoot her, the carriage was traveling so fast, she wasn’t certain that she would survive a jump. For the time being, she waited and watched for an opening.

Once they reached the estate, he descended first and reached in to drag her out, holding her arm in a vice-like grip. She attempted to struggle, but stopped once he had the pistol trained on her again. As he pulled her up the steps to the main entrance, she heard the carriage drive off behind them. She twisted her head to watch it go, taking note of the direction in case she managed to get away. There was still a chance that she could escape and just take a horse.

The viscount marched Rose into the manor and through the first door they came to, which happened to be a sitting room. He turned the key in the lock and threw Rose toward a sofa while he pocketed the key. She fell against the red-striped couch and glared at him as she turned to take her seat. With the door locked, that left a single window on the opposite wall as her only potential exit, and it was currently shut.

“Now,” he said, moving across the room to the lit fireplace. “We are going to have a little talk.”

She squirmed uncomfortably as he banked the flames with a pointed poker, stirring them up to a brighter blaze, but he never fully turned his back to her. Leaving the poker in the fire, he grabbed a straight backed chair standing nearby. He dragged it over in front of Rose and sat down so quickly, she shot back in her seat with a gasp, shocked by his sudden nearness.

“You are going to tell me when dear Johnny is returning from London.”

“No, I’m not,” she said immediately. He truly had to be insane if he really thought she would co-operate with him. She would never willingly subject the Doctor to whatever torment his former friend had in mind.

He gave her a condescending smile. “I thought you might say that, but trust me when I say, you really don’t want to make this more difficult for yourself.”

He waited, but Rose still maintained her silence and instead, squared her jaw in defiance. Oakdown heaved a great, put-upon sigh, pushing his chair back as he stood. He ambled back toward the fireplace as though each step was exhausting.

“I had you looked into,” he said. “I studied you.” Leaning down, he picked up the poker he’d left in the flames and looked at the hot tip of it meaningfully. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” He stabbed the poker back in the fire and Rose couldn’t help a flinch. “How interesting to find out what became of your family, but even more so was what came after.”

She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Slowly, she crept toward the edge of her seat, trying to keep her eyes on him and not toward the window.

“Is it really true that you went months before being able to light a single match?” he asked. “Do you remember the heat and smoke? The fear?” He grabbed the poker and brandished it toward her, the pointed end just beginning to glow red. “Let’s find out.”

Rose lunged over the low table in front of her, knocking over the straight-backed chair as she went, hoping to put it in his way. Oakdown leapt over the small hindrance, whipping the poker over his head, he slammed it down on the windowsill a mere moment before she would have touched the sash. The pane of glass gave an angry rattle and the gash he left in the wood smoldered faintly.

She backed away from the hot metal, hardly able to breathe. The edges of her vision were darkening, narrowing her focus to the weapon in his hand. She knocked into an armchair and fell over one of the arms into an awkward position on her back. Oakdown was on her before she could right herself, pinning her down with his hand on her throat, the other hand holding the poker aloft.

“Alright, enough. When is your sweet fiance going to return?” he asked again, his voice roughened from the chase.

For one moment, she held. Hoping she would pass out. When he made a move to stab her with the poker, however, she squeezed her eyes shut and blurted out, “Day after next!”

Smiling, he straightened and went to toss the poker back in the fire. “There. Not so hard.”

He retrieved the pistol from the mantle where he’d left it and returned to her in the time it took for her to catch her breath and sit up. She gasped as he dropped a knee on the chair between her legs and leaned all his weight on her skirt, keeping her in place.

“Thank you for being so accommodating, Lady Tyler,” he said in a mockery of gentility while pressing the nose of the pistol against her jaw. “I think you’ll find I can be quite genial to a lady who co-operates.”

He roughly cupped her breast with his free hand, making her feel the imprint of each finger, even through her corset. She clutched his arm and shook her torso, a minute struggle, trying to push him off and escape his touch, but it was useless while he was effectively standing on her skirt.

“Don’t you touch me,” she growled through gritted teeth.

“Struggle if you like,” he said, squeezing harder, “it might make things more interesting. Can’t promise I won’t shoot you in the leg.”

He observed her trembling and smiled, lifting his hand to touch her face. The tenderness in the gesture made her stomach turn and she hoped she might be sick all over him.

“Don’t worry, my dear,” he crooned. I won’t do anything too horrible. Not til Theta arrives anyway. There’s no real point if he’s not here to see it.”

---

Oakdown hadn’t done anything more than paw at her that first night, before locking her in a cellar. It had been so dark, all she’d been able to do was grope her way to the bottom of the stairs, curl up on the floor, and attempt to rest. She thought she’d drifted off a handful of times, but she’d been too cold, too uncomfortable, and too afraid to really sleep.

At dawn, the morning light came through the tiny windows near the ceiling, allowing her to see. The cellar was largely empty, but for a few things. There were two large steel cages at the far end that she eyed warily, wondering what they were for. The trampled straw at the bottom of the cages led her to believe animals had once been kept inside, perhaps a couple of large hunting dogs like she’d seen outside the stable the other day. There was also a large barrel full of rainwater underneath a drainage pipe to the side of the large room, so she was at least able to slake her thirst. It was still up for speculation if he planned to feed her.

It was nearing midday when the door at the top of the cellar opened.

“Sleep well, Lady Tyler?”

She glared up at him from her position on the floor and refused to dignify him with an answer.

“I don’t suppose you’re hungry?” he went on, as if they were having a perfectly normal conversation. “You’ll have to come upstairs.”

He opened the door wide and gestured that she might step past him. It was a trick, a fruitless temptation. He wanted to taunt her with the idea of freedom. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

She didn’t want anything from him, despite the fact that she was hungry. She wasn’t foolish enough to trust that this offer was only about food. This was about power. When she turned her head away and maintained her silence, he sighed and closed the door, locking her in once again. Her stomach protested and she drank more water to quiet it down.

With a burning face, even though no one could see her, she relieved herself in a corner of the cellar. She wanted to remove her corset very much; actually, she wanted a bath, a proper bed, and to never see these clothes again. The fear of Oakdown violating her further made her stay fully dressed. Every layer was a piece of armor to hinder him.

When it began to get dark again, the door opened and he tossed half a loaf of bread down the stairs. The hard crust bounced once, then rolled the rest of the way.

“Big day tomorrow,” he said with false enthusiasm. “Can’t have you fainting on me.”

She didn’t move until he’d locked her in again, then fell on the bread loaf and began pulling it apart. He hadn’t been too far from the truth, as she’d been feeling faint for some time. If she was going to find a way to escape, she couldn’t be weak from not eating. Even so, she was glad she hadn’t given in. She’d made him bring the food to her and not the other way round. It felt like a tiny victory.

Before it was completely dark, she’d crawled into a pile of straw in the corner that hadn’t been used, as far as she could tell. It looked dingy from age, but at least it wasn’t soiled. The straw helped to keep her warmer and eventually, exhaustion claimed her.

The following day, however, Oakdown wasn’t content to let Rose remain a stoic prisoner. He came down and fetched her, prodding her forward and upstairs at the end of his pistol.

He led her to a second-story conservatory full of dead plants with lots of filthy windows to allow the thin, overcast light to fill the room. “Here we are!” he declared, forcibly sitting her down in a straight-backed chair.

Rose eyed the numerous windows. Perhaps he thought she wouldn’t attempt to jump out of one of the windows if they were higher up. Though there wasn’t any snow to dampen her fall this time, she held it as an option. She already knew she could survive such a fall if it was her last choice.

Oakdown tied her arms behind her with a length of rope, then sat down before her in an overstuffed armchair, crossing one leg at the knee. He hummed thoughtfully, then reached out and pulled a couple of pieces of straw from her hair, while looking critically at her face. “I think the right side is your best.”

With that bizarre statement, he turned to a small table at his elbow and picked up a charcoal pencil, beginning to sketch on a sheaf of drawing paper.

Rose watched him for a moment, utterly perplexed by his behavior. “What are you doing?” she asked at last.

“I should think that would be obvious,” he said, glancing up at her.

“You’re… drawing me?”

He nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

“Why?” She didn’t expect much rationality from a madman, but she was hardly a pretty picture at the moment. Even without a mirror, she knew a lot of her hair had fallen out of her topknot and the rest of it was only loosely coiled in a lopsided bun. It probably looked like an actual bird’s nest and she felt horribly grimy from her stay in the cellar.

“How else am I going to entice Theta to dash to your side?” he asked with a fiendish smile. He frowned down at his drawing. “I really want to capture you faithfully, he needs to be able to tell who it is!” He laughed.

He was going to send her portrait to the Doctor. Her stomach gave a lurch and she tasted bile at the back of her throat. The thought was horrifying because of how calculated it was. Oakdown might have been insane, but he wasn’t a fool. He wasn’t going to send a letter demanding the Doctor’s presence, he was going to send an image of his love in captivity, the better to make him panic. Panic would make an otherwise sensible man make mistakes.

She had to get out. She had to escape. She couldn’t let the Doctor run right into this trap. Rose flexed her hands, twisting her wrists to test the rope he’d bound her with. The knots held firm, absolutely no give.

“Please hold still,” he said, as if she were sitting for a real portrait. “Your nose is not easy to draw, has anyone ever told you that?”

She huffed. He hadn’t tied her feet. She could still run. Both of his hands were occupied with sketching. She eyed the pistol lying across his lap. How fast could she run from the room before he had a chance to pick it up and shoot? Without knowing how good a shot he was, she didn’t know if odds were in her favor that he might miss.

What if she could get him to use the shot? Then she could run while he attempted to reload. Maybe she could charge him and knock over his chair with her bodyweight. It was a big risk and she might fall down or he might grab her. That wouldn’t work.

She resisted the urge to stamp her foot in frustration. She had to get out of there, but it seemed impossible.

Oakdown sighed at his drawing and looked up at Rose. “Something’s not quite right,” he said. “Could you try to look less angry and more… I don’t know, despairing?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m sure this is just what your sister would have wanted you to make of your life,” she spat.

Slowly, he set down his charcoal. “Be very careful, Lady Tyler,” he said. His hand was shaking.

“Elise would be ashamed,” she shot back.

He was on his feet in a flash, paper scattering everywhere. The firearm clattered to the floor, but didn’t go off. “YOU DON’T SAY HER NAME!” he shouted, backhanding her across the face so hard that the chair toppled.

Rose fell to the floor, landing on her side, her ear ringing, her face an explosion of pain. Blood dripped hot from her nose. Oakdown was on top of her in the next moment, pressing her down, straddling her stomach, her arms pinned underneath her.

“No!” she screamed when he gripped her bodice in both hands and ripped it down to her waist.

When he growled in frustration at the sight of her corset, she knew she’d made the right choice in keeping it on, but he squeezed her breasts cruelly all the same, making sure it hurt, even through her underwear. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes and streaked back into her hair. Even so, she wouldn’t stop fighting.

“This is how you honor her death,” she rasped. “By raping a helpless woman.”

He grabbed her by the throat and Rose feared this might be the end as the edges of her vision began sparking with white lights, but then, as suddenly as this had started, he let go. He was panting heavily and the wild light hadn’t left his eyes, but he stood up, laughing horribly.

“That was clever, Lady Tyler,” he said, stooping to pick up the pistol and a few of the pieces of paper. “But you won’t deprive me of my revenge. There will be plenty of time to punish you later.”

He reset the chair and picked her up in his arms to set her back in it, completely ignoring her struggles. He looked at her chest, her gown gaping open, and grabbed the fabric again, tearing off a large piece. The shoulder on that side fell halfway down her arm, exposing her further.

“Like I said before,” he said, knotting the length of fabric in the middle. “There’s no point in torturing you before Theta arrives.”

He forced the knot into her mouth and tied the fabric behind her head. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a silver watch and checked the time. His smile was terrible as he settled back down with his charcoal and paper.

“This is for real,” he said. “So, let’s make it a good one. Smile.”

Rose closed her eyes on more tears, her cries muffled through the gag. She’d thought if she made him angry, he might have done something foolish, or barring that, at least delay him. She’d tried, but it hadn’t done any good. She sagged in the chair, her scraggly hair sticking to the blood that had dripped from her nose. In her mind’s eye, she saw the Doctor and that special look he’d given her ever since that first day. She could almost hear him breathlessly telling her he loved her. She was so afraid.

[its-anhakin]

Courage of Stars

A/N: Next one is a DW songfic inspired by Saturn by Sleeping At Last; it’s really meaningful and an overall beautiful song, so listen to it. Contains spoilers for The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End in series four. DoctorDonna friendship but no slash.

warnings: none, really.

word count: 1040

————————————

You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly, even after death.

The Doctor stood in the pouring rain, his normally gravity-defying brown hair hanging in front of his eyes.

He looked back at Donna’s house wistfully, hoping with all of his might that somehow she would suddenly remember and run outside to him, fiery red hair flying and a smug smile on her face.

With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite. How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

She didn’t. All the Timelord saw was Wilfred smiling sadly at him and saluting as he stepped into the TARDIS, which greeted him with a sad creak. The Doctor wasn’t sure if the mist clouding his vision was from tears or rain, but at that point he almost didn’t even notice.

He looked outside the windows of the TARDIS, taking in the neighborhood one last time, knowing that he would never see Donna again.

Tears came to his eyes at the thought. “Definitely not rain, then.” he said to himself and chuckled bitterly.

I couldn’t help but ask for you to say it all again. I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen.

The Doctor cast aside his dripping trench coat and tried to recall the memories of their adventures. None came. Instead, he only felt the guilt that Donna would never know how important she was.

His Earth Girl wouldn’t remember the worlds she saved, the people she inspired, and most importantly, the impact that she left on the Timelord.

I’d give anything to hear you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.

She had saved entire planets without breaking a sweat, yet somehow still managed to stay humble and even a little insecure. The redhead was never intimidated by the Timelord despite him being alien. Instead, she stood up to him and chided him when he was wrong or out of line, something nobody else had ever done before.

He thought about what Wilf had asked him after he took away Donna’s memories. Who has he got now? What happened to all his friends? The Doctor told him that all his friends had someone else, and that was fine with him.

I couldn’t help but ask for you to say it all again. I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen.

It really wasn’t. Every time one of his companions left, it broke the alien’s two hearts a little more. Now, Donna left. She had made him happy and carefree. Then, she was suddenly gone, leaving the 900-year-old Timelord had absolutely no one.

The Doctor stood in his TARDIS, once full of laughter and joy, now seemingly barren and lonely. He stared at the blinking lights, flips, and switches of the time machine.

“At least you’ll never leave me.”

I’d give anything to hear you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.

-=+=-

Seventy-four years later, Donna Noble laid on her death bed. She had lived a happy - albeit boring - life and was ready to finally pass away peacefully.

Just as she closed her eyes, the now silver-haired woman heard an unfamiliar wheezing sound.

A memory stirred deep within her mind. Was the sound actually foreign? Or had she heard it somewhere before?

Donna opened her eyes at the sound of doors squeaking and her gaze met a stranger’s. Although he himself was not recognizable, the newcomer’s presence felt familiar.

The elderly woman took in his appearance: a tweed jacket with a bowtie and suspenders, topped off with floppy brown hair and kind, hazel eyes. It was rather peculiar to her.

The strange-looking man approached Donna with a warm smile and took out an equally strange device, a metal cylinder with buttons and a green gem on the top.

Before Donna could speak, the man pointed his odd device at her and memories came flooding back. Memories that she never knew she had.

The woman looked around in disbelief and saw nothing unique or extraordinary. Her room was empty except for a gloomy vase of flowers sitting upon her nightstand and her bed.

That made her memories all the more difficult to accept. Was she really special? Important? All her life Donna had felt like she was mundane and ordinary, but the man in front of her had just allowed her to recapture the truth.

Why did that man seem so familiar when he wasn’t? Sure, he dressed irregularly like the Doctor, but…

The Doctor. Regeneration. Doctor. My Doctor.

Donna suddenly remembered about how the Doctor could regenerate. What if this was his new form?

“Spaceman?” Donna rasped.

The man grinned brightly. “Yes, Donna, it’s me! It’s me! You remember!”

Although his voice was different, it was still comforting, and the former companion couldn’t believe herself. The Doctor was really there.

“You came back… wearing a different face.”

“Yes. Oh, Donna, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But you know that if I allowed you to remember, galaxies would have fallen apart.”

Donna smiled weakly. “Spaceman… it’s alright. You moved on, though. Who’ve you kidnapped in that box of yours now, eh?”

“Earth girl.” the Timelord smiled fondly. “I’ve got a couple, Amy and Rory Pond. But you know that you will always be the most important person in the world, right?”

The human looked surprised. “Really?”

“Donna Noble, the universe was made just to be seen by your eyes.”

Tears sprang to Donna’s eyes. “Thank you, Doctor, for telling me one more time. I would’ve given anything.”

The Doctor tried to speak, but emotions overflooded and his words become stuck in his throat.

His former companion spoke for him. “You gave me the courage of stars, Spaceman. Now I think…” She hesitantly continued, “I can finally rest.”

Donna closed her eyes peacefully and the Doctor watched as she took her last breath.

With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite. How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist.

[youremyonlyhope]

The End of Time Part 2

Honestly, at this point I’m so ready to see Ten go.

And that’s not even like... me hating on Ten. I’m just literally itching to move on in this rewatch that’s lasted so long.

We’ll see how sad I am at the end of this.

Wrote that intro like 3 days ago and procrastinating pressing play. NOW I’m finally watching this.

Oh wow. Did not realize we saw the wreckage of the Time War in this episode. Also, I love “This Is Gallifrey” Overhead shot like Ani leading the clonetroopers. I see you. I don’t like Rassilon.  Blind Wave pointed out that there would have been millions of pregnant women when the Master became everyone, so what happened to the fetuses? I love that there’s a little screen with the Master as my girl Trinity Wells. You could see the little outline of the green screen on each of the Masters in the Beijing Army. Come on Doctor Who. You can do better. I love Donna so much. Also, I always thought she was saying “What did I...” before she falls, but Amazon’s captions says “I don’t want to die” and now I’m like which is it!!?!???? Awww the Doctor’s smiling. Ok see, the Master’s plan to find the source isn’t even like... evil... he genuinely wants to know why he’s heard this his whole life... I mean, this plan comes after trying and succeeding to take over Earth... but this part of the plan isn’t necessarily evil... if that makes sense. Basically, at this point I don’t blame him. “Worst rescue ever!” Oh Wilf. “But we’re in space” “Yep” Adorable. I mean, throwing a star/crystal/thing into a projection of Earth wouldn’t make it land on Earth... especially if they’re timelocked and Earth isn’t... but ok. Seriously, who is this random lady? So if corpses were changed, I’m assuming unborn babies were too. Great. 906. Doctor, baby, you’re burning up regenerations too fast. You were 900-ish when you were Nine. Now it’s been only 6 Time Lord years and you’ve regenerated twice as Ten and are about to regenerate into Eleven. “We must look like insects to you.” “I think you look like giants.” I’ve always loved that line. I mentioned this in my Tsuranga Conundrum post last night, but I love it when the Doctor shows how much they love life and beings and the universe. “i’d be proud.” “Of what.” “If you were my dad.” Awwwwwwww. UGH they’re making Wilf bring up the 4 knocks thing. 2nd time he and the Doctor have talked about it. Stop foreshadowing. “I’ve taken lives... Manipulated people into taking their own.” Ok. Ok fine. I’ll maybe forgive him for Waters of Mars. Since I’m 99% sure he’s talking about Adelaide. Yes, he is to blame for her suicide, but not in that way. He tried to manipulate everything else, causing her to commit suicide to right it all. But the Doctor always just blames themself for everything so... I’ll forgive Ten. “Well don’t you dare, sir. Don’t you dare put him before them.” Wow I love Wilf. But also, he knows the Doctor can be that selfish... “And please don’t die. You’re the most wonderful man and I don’t want you to die.” Awwwww Wilf. THE DOCTOR GRABBED THE GUN. I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. I knew he gets the gun at some point, but I thought he’d just pick it off the ground or something before the scene at the end. But NOPE. HE TOOK IT BECAUSE OF THE TIME LORDS. It can’t do much against them, but still. Is this his last Allons-y? Also I meant to point this out earlier, but if they’ve been in orbit all night, they should have orbited away from being directly above England... right? Ok they’re flying over the ocean, so they did orbit a little away.

“And will stand as monument to their shame, like the Weeping Angels of old.” see, this is why I don’t like the theory that they’re Weeping Angels. Because Rassilon compares them to Weeping Angels. He wouldn’t compare them if they’re going to become them. Unless... what he’s saying is that Weeping Angels are shamed Time Lords and that used to be the punishment... THAT could be a theory I guess. But still, I don’t think these to Time Ladies become Weeping Angels.

Also, why bring them along? “You didn’t vote for us to go to Earth, so you get to come along with the initial Time Lords that are going to meet the Master on Earth” - Time Lord logic. “Doctor, you said you were going to die... But is that all of us? I won’t stop you, sir, but is this it?” Oh no Wilf. But also, Wilf knows that the Doctor can get selfish enough to actually do that... I forgot about the Doctor literally just dropping from the ship into the mansion... Doctor... you’ve done some dumb stuff... but this is one of the dumbest... Oh yeaaaah, that was the Master’s plan, to become all the Time Lords too. Ok but also, he didn’t know the Time Lords were the source of the drumming at first (I’ve found the source of the ticking! It’s a pipe bomb!), so he had to have only come up with it after the star was found. So he went from “HA. TAKE OVER A PLANET AND BECOME ALL HUMANS” to “I can finally find out what’s wrong with me, what the source is!” to “IT WAS THE TIME LORDS? REVENGE!!!!!!!!” Ok, I was looking at Rassilon’s gauntlet just now... and my brain went “Infinity Gauntlet!” and I laughed. That gauntlet is too powerful. It killed that Time Lady without giving her a chance to regenerate, AND it can reverse the transformation of 6 billion people? Really? Also, yay my girl Trinity Wells is back! I’m glad that Temple (can’t remember his first name) seems to really love Donna. Enough to hold his future mother-in-law when there’s a planet in the sky, and then go running to find Donna. He seems like a good guy, I’m happy for her. I’m emotional. I want Donna to just have happiness. I just realized that for this entire scene, the Doctor’s just been trying to get the strength to get up after falling through a ceiling. Hey Naismith, this is partially your fault. WILF NO. I FORGOT HE WENT IN THERE TO SAVE SOMEONE ELSE. WILF I LOVE YOU. Wait. Wait. Waaaiiiittttt. The Doctor said “The Nightmare Child”... wasn’t there some child mentioned in an episode this season... oh wait it was the Timeless Child. Aww, I thought I had a breakthrough or something. “The Could-Have-Been King with his army of Meanwhiles and Never-Weres.” I. LOVE. THAT.  “To become creatures of consciousness alone.” First of all, why do you want that? Second of all, Dr. Owen Harper did it first. “You are diseased. Albeit a disease of our own making.” YEAH. AND YOU DID IT TO HIM LIKE 2 HOURS AGO FOR YOU GUYS, HUNDREDS OF YEARS FOR HIM. DON’T JUST SAY THAT LIKE IT’S NOTHING. YOU LITERALLY JUST DID IT. “No more.” NO MORE. “You never would, you coward.” But Nine said “Coward, any day.” sooooo There was a little music playing there as the Doctor pointed the gun at the Master, and I can hear the full version in my head. I just can’t remember what the piece is called. WAIT. IT WAS PLAYING WHEN THE DOCTOR DE-AGED AND FLOATED TO THE MASTER. THAT’S IT.

Also. I need to bring up the parallel of 6 billion people being linked by the Master’s network being the thing that brought him down last time, but this time he became those 6 billion people. I thought I’d mentioned it, but apparently I hadn’t. So there. Yay parallels!

Seriously, lady, WHO ARE YOU? “Get out of the way.” “Get out of the way.” Awwwwwwwwwww These people should not be cheering that the Gallifrey is gone from the sky, THEY SHOULD BE FREAKING OUT AND ASKING WHY IT WAS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Also, still wondering how the Master goes from saving the Doctor here, to his state of mind in the World and Enough Time/The Doctor Falls. I guess a lot of time passed. I like the way the music dies once Wilf knocks.

Also, this scene is the reason that I finally realized that I hadn’t watched this episode. I explained it in either The Next Doctor or Waters of Mars, but because Netflix didn’t include the 2009 specials with the rest of the seasons, I skipped straight from Journey’s End to the Eleventh Hour. I assumed they’d just not even done a regeneration and I went with it for a few episodes. Then I was on tumblr, and saw a gifset of this scene; the Doctor saying “I’m alive,” then the caption of the 4 knocks, then a gif of it panning over to Wilf. And I realized this was from an episode I hadn’t seen. So I looked up the episode list, and saw 5 episodes that Netflix had just let me skip. All of the 2009 specials. And I had seen the Next Doctor when it aired, so I was surprised I forgot to go looking for it when I finally watched Doctor Who in order. And I had seen commercials for the Waters of Mars too, but I just forgot about the episodes when I finally watched the show years later. So, in the middle of season 5, I watched all the 2009 specials besides the Planet of the Dead. And because I was spoiled for this plot twist of a moment, I knew it was coming when I finally got around to watching the End of Time.

WILF. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU PICK 4 KNOCKS? AFTER TALKING ABOUT THE 4 KNOCKS THING WITH THE DOCTOR TWICE. TWICE. “I’m an old man, Doctor. I’ve had my time.” Wilf stop breaking my heart.  Oh god. His death is essentially a suicide. To save someone else. Like Adelaide. And he knew he’s been living as Ten for too long because of Adelaide. Oh no. Ok. I’m sad. Also, I hate the fandom turned that scene into just the “I’m in a glass case of emotion” gif. Which, I’d also seen before and hadn’t realized I never saw the episode it was from. Oh no a little Vale Decem started. “Did I miss something? Again?” Awww. Donna. Love. I know this music... NO IT’S SONG FOR TEN THE INSTRUMENTAL VERSION. I’M IN PAIN. Sylvia Noble smiling at the sight of the TARDIS? Amazing.

AHHHHH MY GIRL MARTHA. WITH MICROBRAIDS. Literally, the one complaint I have about Martha was that her hair wasn’t natural. So I love seeing her in a protective style. And my baby Mickey! Oh no. Guys. I’m getting emotional. I don’t need to say anything about how I feel about their relationship. I’ve ranted many times during my Monthly Martha Spams. But I love both of them so much, so I’m happy to see them. I like that Luke’s the only one who has a physical interaction with the Doctor during this goodbye tour. Especially since he didn’t get to meet him last time. Oh Sarah Jane. Oh Elisabeth Sladen. I’m glad we got one last Adipose. And I’m glad that Tallulah’s music is still played, even in this Cantina in the future. Also, I’m glad Tallulah got acknowledgement at all. The Doctor saluted Jack. After all those years of telling him to not salute. He saluted him. And after all those years of telling Jack not to flirt, he sets him up with Alonso. Awwww... I love Jack. Oh I nearly forgot about Joan’s granddaughter. “A Journal of Impossible Things” I never noticed the title of the book. OH NO HER NAME WAS VERITY LIKE THE FIRST PRODUCER OF DOCTOR WHO OH NO MY HEART. “Was she happy in the end?” “Yes. Were you?” I’m glad she asked that. “Well friends, and Nerys” bringing that joke back one more time. Oh it’s Minnie the Menace! “That women, who was she?” Seriously. TELL ME. I forgot he went to Donna’s father for the quid. Oh. OOOh my heart. I love Donna. She deserves so much. I can’t handle Wilf crying. I never noticed he also blew a little kiss. Oh. “Get rid of him, Mom, he’s useless.” “Listen to you! With a mechanic!” HEY. Hey. Jackie. Mickey is the best. You will learn this. Rose, girl, you are not dressed enough for snow. Neither is Jackie in her tights and shorts. What’s with you Brits? I forgot that it’s the Ood who sing for him. I think I was remembering Vale Decem as just what his regeneration was set to. But nope, it’s part of the story TOO.

Ok. I was emotional. And I was in awe of how amazingly and perfectly the music matches the scene. And then.... Matt Smith’s look of confusion made me laugh and snap out of it. I love how confused he looks. It’s adorable. I’m the same when Eleven turns into Twelve; sad during it, but then once Capaldi comes I’m just laughing at his face.

But seriously, Murray Gold. Amazing.

“Chin?... Blimey.” Love it. I love when they make fun of the Doctor’s features. Nine complaining about his ears, Eleven’s chin, Twelve’s eyebrows. Love. GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FINALLY. AFTER 5 YEARS. I AM DONE WITH THE TENTH DOCTOR. 

Longer than his actual run. This is like when I watched Season 6 of Supernatural and stretched it out over a year and a half, longer than the time the show actually aired during, so by the time it finished I barely remembered how it started.

I do love Ten a lot. I just love Nine and Twelve a lot more. And I’m excited to rewatch Eleven since almost all of his episodes are ones I’ve only seen once (and I’m 99% sure I never actually properly finished season 6... but I’ll explain that when I get there.) and at least one that I’ve never seen (A Christmas Carol. Once again. Netflix had it separate. And by the time I realized I skipped it, I didn’t feel like going back. Still have not seen it.) so I’m excited to watch him again.

I feel bad that I’m not sadder...

Oh my god. I’m like the Tenth Doctor. He’d lived for too long, I stretched out his run for too long. And it was bad for both of us. Yay parallels!

Also, Wilf is the best.