#not like anyone can stop me cuz nobody else puts this much effort into thinking of them as a separate identity from 'lis lolol

[fecto-forgo]

🌻

i think fecto forgo can be totally psychotic if you have the guts for that like the setup for them to have it is very much there.iykyk

[skywalkerstyles]

Kissing Lessons pt7

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader

Warnings: domestic violence, abuse, angst, fluff and more angst

I’m still in disbelief when I wake up the next morning. I look at my arm, it’s bruised, you can see the impression of his fingers. I put long sleeves on. When I look in the mirror I can see the bruises on my chin. I put concealer over that. No need to have anyone else worry.

Except Katsuki.

He saw the bruises. Does he know? I’m a terrible liar and I’m nervous to face him, but when Mei knocks on the door telling me breakfast is ready I take a deep breath and head out to face the music.

He doesn’t look at me, speak to me or acknowledge me in any way during breakfast. I try to act normally, but the tension radiating off of him is palpable.

“What crawled up your ass this morning?” Mei asks him, Katsuki shoots her a glare and says nothing. Nobody comments again after that.

I’m washing the dishes when he comes up beside me. He says nothing, just begins rinsing and drying them as I wash them. “What are you doing Y/N?” He asks me after his mother leaves the room.

“What?” I ask, unable to look him in the eye.

“You lied to me.” his voice is filled with hurt, I scrub the dish in my hand hard, trying to remain passive. “You said Ash wasn’t at that party...So what? You don’t trust me now?”

“I do.” he rolls his eyes, turning to face me, he places his hand on my wrist, and takes the plate from me, dropping it back into the soapy water.

“Then tell me the truth...Did Ash do this to you?” Before I can protest he rolls up my sleeve, his eyes widen in horror as he takes in the purple and blue markings around my elbow. I pull my arm away, rolling my sleeve back down.

“You already know the answer.”

“Yeah cuz you’re a terrible liar.” he lifts my chin gently, looking me in the eye. “Are you gonna see him again?” I pause, trying to think of what to say, but I take too long. He sighs, dropping his hand from my face. “Y/N….I know you don’t want me to tell you what to do-”

“Then don’t.” I turn around, flicking my hands as I march from the kitchen. I’m irritated. I just need to talk to Ash. Get his side of the story and everything will be okay.

“If you don’t slow down and think about this you’ll end up just like your mother!” That stops me immediately. His face is red, eyes troubled. He lowers his voice. “I don’t….fuck,...I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Fuck you.” I say. That hits him and I instantly regret the words. He looks heartbroken, unsure of what to say now. “Ash cares about me. He won’t do it again.” Katsuki snorts crudely and rolls his eyes again.

“That’s what they all say.”

Monday rolls around all to quickly. I’m nervous about what’s going to happen when I see Ash. I don’t know what happened after the party, if he even remembers what he did. My elbow still hurts but the bruises on my chin are fading. I see him as soon as I step inside the building. He’s standing by my locker, a box of candy in his hands. I try to smile but my face feels tight.

“Hey,” he holds out the chocolate to me.

“Hey.” I take the chocolate and open my locker. He shoves his hands in his pockets and leans against the lockers.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry….about the other night. I didn’t mean it….I really didn’t. I just….”

“It’s okay.” I pull out my history book, placing the chocolates carefully in the text book’s spot.

“No it’s not,” he shakes his head and lightly places his hands on my hips, I still at the contact. “I would never hurt you...I’m so sorry.” he kisses me, it’s mild and delicate, and not at all like the monster I met on saturday night. I decide to give him another shot. He pulls away and wraps his arm around me as we walk down the hall, kissing my hair as we go.

“Thank you for the chocolates,” I say as we get to my classroom. He releases me with a smile, kissing my hand. I love how affectionate he’s being.

“Meet me at my car after school. I’ll drive you home.” I give him a slight wave before entering the classroom.

The day passes quickly. I feel much better after talking with Ash, I knew I was overthinking things. Katsuki is waiting beside my locker. I look at him confused. I had already let Mei know I didn’t need a ride. Besides, Things have been awkward since the argument in the kitchen. I don’t really know what he wants at this point from me. I feel like he’s hot and cold.

“Ready to go home?” he asks.

“Ash’s bringing me.” Katsuki narrows his eyes.

“Absolutely not.” I scoff.

“You’re not my father.”

“Y/N.” he grabs my wrist as I turn away from him and pulls me close, his eyes are serious. “Y/N….He bruised you.” he whispers the last part. I pull my hand away, taking a couple steps back.

“Katsuki stop. We talked okay. It’s done. Let it go.” he opens his mouth to speak and I raise my hand. “Enough Katsuki. I’ll be home in a bit.” I leave him standing there at my locker, I don’t look back.

Ash’s car is parked at the far end of the parking lot. I hurry over to it, seeing that it’s running and he’s waiting for me. I open the passenger door quickly and got in, shutting it quickly behind me. He doesn’t say anything.

I turn to look at him, ready to apologize for making him wait on me. But I don’t even get the chance. He turns, an expression on his face that I have never seen before-distorted in anger- and backhands me across the face. The force sends my head slamming into the passenger window. He grabs the front of my shirt, bawling it in his fist and yanking me towards him.

“Where the fuck were you?” he snarls, his eyes are wild and I’m scared. I can taste blood in my mouth. He reminds me of my father.

“Katsuki-” I gasp. “He was-” he slaps me again, keeping his hold on me tightly.

“I am so sick of that dude I fucking swear,” he scream in my face. I am terrified. I stammer, trying to explain, he shoves me back, releasing me and putting the car in drive. He speeds off before I can even get my seatbelt on.

He rants, the whole way to my house. I cower against the door, hand pressed to my cheek. It stings.

“....And I don’t wanna see you talking to him again okay? I’m over it.” he slams on the breaks outside of my house. I jerk forward and slam back into the seat. My head is throbbing and I can feel tears burning against my eyes. He grabs my chin, very much in the same way he did Saturday night, forcing me to look at him. “If you just do what I say things will be easier for you.” he slams his lips against mine hard, I scream internally from the pain.

I quietly enter the house, listening for any hint of sound or movement. It doesn’t seem like anyone is home yet. I shut myself in the bathroom and flick on the light.

My cheek is pink, it may not bruise but my lip is swollen, blood trickling down my chin. The concealer I put on my chin has rubbed off, the bruise looks a bit darker. I lean forward in disbelief, touching my face and wincing as I do so.

“My god.” I mumble to myself. “My God….”

The cycle continues all week. Everytime I do something Ash doesn’t like, as soon as we are alone he hits me. He keeps telling me that things will be easier if I listen to him. I try to. I really do. But nothing I do seems to be good enough, satisfying enough for him. He brings me presents, apologizes, promises not to do it again, and then as soon as I do something.

The morning of homecoming, I wake up feeling anxious. I have a panic attack in the shower. I don’t tell anyone. I don’t really want to go at this point, even as I roll over and look at Mei sleeping away blissfully. I know I would have a good time if it were going to be just us….But it’s not.

I get out of bed and pad to the kitchen. Katsuki’s there, sitting at the kitchen table reading a book and eating cereal, he glances at me as I walk by but says nothing. I’ve caught him watching me quite a bit lately. It perks my curiosity, but I never ask him about it. I get my own bowl and pour my own cereal before sitting down beside him.

“So….”He says, trying to start conversation. “You excited for tonight?” I shrug my shoulders. I appreciate the effort, but I’m still angry with him for what he said about me being like my mother.

“Not really…”

“You wanna stay home?” I shake my head.

“Mei would kill me.” he smirks, nodding his head in agreement.

“Yeah. You’re probably right.” we the rest of our respective meals in silence. The awkward tension relaxing a bit.

By ten, Mei and I are huddled on the couch in the living room watching YouTube updo and makeup tutorials. Matsuki makes us lunch and we eat while we decide on our hairstyles. Everything moves quickly from there. Mei is blasting music so loudly it shakes the floorboards in her room. It’s a good thing their father is working today. We would have gotten into so much trouble.

Around four, we’re scrambling to finish, I try to put on my dress on in the bathroom, but Mei calls for help at the hair station, I open the door to sneak across the hall at the exact time Katsuki comes out of his bedroom too, and he gets an eyeful of me in a strapless black bra and matching underwear.

“Oh my god,” he says, and claps a hand over his eyes. “Will you put on some fucking clothes?” His cheeks flush bright red.

“You know not to come out when we are getting ready. What if I had been your sister.” he makes a disgusted noise.

“I need to go to the bathroom!”

I put my hands on my hips and wait until he lowers his hand, when he sees I’m still standing there he groans covering his eyes again, “Go away.”

“Why?” I smirk teasingly, taking a step toward him.”See something you like?” I feel bold, I know I’m crossing some line, but teasing him is too much fun to pass up.

He opens his eyes and stares me down, as if to say, Is that how you want to play this? And when I keep my stance, he accepts the challenge, his eyes wander all the way down my body and back up, resting for a moment on the fading bruise on my arm before finding it’s place on my face again. I suddenly feel very small, rooted to the spot as he steps closer to me.

He swipes my hair back from my face and whispers in my ear, “Thanks for the show.” I can feel him grinning against my cheek, like the little shit he is. It feels almost normal, like how we used to be. Before the kissing lesson. Before Ash. He steps around me, giving me one last look over before winking and going into the bathroom.

The boys will pick us up around seven. No one wanted to go to dinner first so we waited until it got close enough to just go to the dance. My dress is lavender colored, it looks like a ballgown. Mei wore it in a beauty pageant she was in a few years ago. It’s amazing it fits me, but I love it either way. I grab my wristlet off the bed in Mei’s room and head down the hallway, Katsuki sitting on the couch when I pass by the living room. He calls out to me.

“Hey.” I do a small spin, grinning at him. “What do you think?” he studies me, my hair and makeup, my dress. It feels like he’s staring at me forever before I finally get a response.

“You look….You look-”

“Hey!” I jump, turning to see Matsuki behind me. She’s grinning at me, it’s infectious. “Lookin’ good sister!” she pulls me into a quick hug. “Mei said the guys are here, they’re waiting for you.” I nod, throwing Katsuki a quick smile before hurrying to the front door.

I sit beside Ash in the back of Kai’s SUV. His hand squeezes my thigh hard. He’s angry I wasn’t waiting for him at the door with Mei. Katsuki had told him I was talking to Katsuki. He leaned over and whispered to me viciously, “When we get to this dance….” He doesn’t finish and I know what’s going to happen. It makes my blood boil. Katsuki’s words about my mother ring in my ears. He was right.

When we get to the dance I jump out of the car, slamming the door. Mei and Kai walk around the front of the car while Ash meets me behind it. He stands in front of me, towering over me. “I told you not to talk to that fucking guy. Why don’t you ever listen?” He pushes his forehead against mine. Hard. Fear rises like the tide,but I shove it down. I will not let him conquer me. I shove him away. He stumbles, caught off guard.

"I don't think I wanna do this anymore." I say to Ash. He looks surprised, taken aback. But I won't be my mother. I will be better than her.

"It's that guy isnt it? That Katsuki guy, Mei’s brother."

"No-"

"I've seen the way he looks at you. But you are mine. You belong to me." I grit my teeth, I have to be brave.

"I'm done Ash....I don't want to see you again."

"You want me to ask for forgiveness again? You're an ungrateful bitch you know that." He raises his hand and I close my eyes, waiting for the slap. Instead I hear the undeniable shriek of my best friend and the pound of heels against pavement.

"You don't touch her!" I look just in time to see Mei swing her purse at Ash, hitting him square in the face. He raises his arms to cover his face as she continues to hit him with it, screaming at him. “What the fuck is your problem?! Were you seriously bout to hit her?” Kai stands off to the side, clearly not willing to step into Mei’s path of rage.

“I wasn’t!” Ash shouted. “I wasn’t gonna-” she punches him, blood spurts from his fingers as he covers his nose with his hand. “Mother fucker!” he shouts angrily, stepping towards Mei.

“Hey man,” Kai does step in now, moving forward slightly. “I think you’d better go.” Ash glares at me for a moment, before turning around and walking towards the end of the parking lot. I’m shaking, my nerves on fire, I stood up. I actually stood up for myself.

Mei embraces me, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “Y/N. Are you okay?” she asks, pulling back to look at me. I nod and pull her in again, unwilling to let her go. I am so grateful to have her in my life. But I’m not much in the mood to dance and party now.

One of the teachers lets me use the office phone to call home. Katsuki agrees to pick me up and Mei sits outside waiting with me, sending Kai off to hang out with his friends. I tell Mei everything. She’s shocked and a little hurt that I kept it from her.

“You’ve been through so much shit Y/N,” she says in amazement. “I don’t know how you handle it.”

“I don’t really have a choice.” she smiles sadly, laying her head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me.” I rest my cheek on the top of her head.

“It’s not your fault Mei....Thank you”

“I would have killed him if I could have.” Katsuki pulls up a few minutes later. Mei hugs me once more before walking back into the auditorium. I watch her, to make sure she gets inside. The car is warm, no radio on as I climb in. Katsuki glances at me as we begin the ten minute drive home.

“That was quick.” he says finally. My forehead rests against the window, I watch the houses go by.

“Yeah.”

“What happened?’ He asks. I sigh.

“Ash was mad that I was talking to you when he came to pick me up. We got into a fight. He tried to hit me but Mei stopped him.” I explain how Mei hit Ash with her purse and finally socked him a good one. Katsuki smiles, proud of his sister. I feel a little better as we pull up in front of our house. He parks the car but neither of us gets out.

“I’m sorry Y/N….” I look at him, his eyes are distant, far off, he’s staring at the street in front of him. “But I’m glad you finally realize you deserve better.” He smiles, it’s small and beautiful. The adrenaline is still pumping through my veins. I lean over, placing my hand on his cheek, I tilt his face towards mine. His eyes hold a question, a curiosity. I answer it by pressing my mouth to his and kissing him as passionately as I can.

He’s breathless and wide eyed when I pull away. It’s a beautiful, satisfying expression.

“Yeah,” I trace his bottom lip with my fingers. He never takes his eyes off me. “I deserve someone like you.”

[ultimate-distaster-material]

-Saiouma Oneshots- Childhood Memories

!TW! Miu being Miu Swearing

KAEDE POV

I watched as Monokuma spun the wheel. The two lucky students would get turned into their past selves, which is them as kids. I watched, scared, as the wheel landed on Shuichi. I shot him a nervous look, which he returned as he sighed and walked onto the stage.

"Hey Kid! Since you unfortunately got picked, how would you like to spin the wheel this time? Cuz I'm so nice to offer!"

"S-Sure..."

Shuichi carefully put his hand on the spinner, and reluctantly spun it around. We all dreadfully watched as the spinner slowed down, and landed on one of us.

"K-Kokichi, you've been picked..."

"I can see that, Emoboy."

"I-I'm not emo!"

We all rolled our eyes, it was clear he was.

"How lucky am I to be chosen by the Ultimate Eyeliner Wearing Emo!"

"I don't wear eyeliner Kokichi!"

His annoyed voice echoed throughout the gym. Nobody knew Shuichi could be that loud, and say a full sentence without a stutter.

"Stop bickering and sit on the damn seats behind this curtain!"

Monokuma looked angry. They both took a seat and a device was put over their head. Kind of like a VR Simulator Headset. Suddenly, Monodam pulled a lever and the two males let out a piercing scream, then presumably passed out.

"Damn it! What did you do to them you Build a Bear Reject!"

"Oh nothing...It didn't hurt one bit! Don't worry, damn astronaut!"

"Welp! They are going to wake up tonight! If you're willing to stay here, you might be able to fill them in on the details of this truly wonderful killing game!"

"They're going to be kids?! How can we just tell them that they're in a killing game!? My sidekick would freak out!"

I furrowed my eyebrows at Kaito. Kirumi, Rantaro and Miu did as well. Miu decided to speak her mind.

"What about the other virgin! I know he's a little shithead and he likes this game but, he still has a heart!"

Kaito mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?! I can't fucking hear you space idiot!"

Kaito snapped at this statement. I don't think any of us were ready for what happened next.

"I SAID HE DESERVES TO DIE ALL ALONE! HE DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING HEART, HE MAKES FUN OF BOTH OF MY SIDEKICKS, AND EVERYONE ELSE! NOBODY WANTS HIM HERE! SO WHY ARE YOU ALL ACTING LIKE HE'S DONE NOTHING? WHY ARE YOU ALL DEFENDING HIM!"

We all gulped. I'd had enough.

"Momota!"

Everyone looked at me, shocked that I used his last name. That usually meant I was serious.

"Did you even notice how nice he has been?! He has friends and people willing to put up with his attitude! Did you notice that Kirumi offered to be his mother? Did you notice how he seriously helped out Miu with her insecurities the other day? How about when he inspired Rantaro to confess to his crush? Of course you didn't! Because you're selfish! I really admire you Momota! You're a brave and friendly guy! You love helping people make friends! BUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS TRYING TO SPLIT FRIENDSHIPS APART! Can I ask you one question? DID YOU EVEN NOTICE THAT SHUICHI AND KOKICHI HAVE BEEN DATING FOR THE LAST 2 MONTHS!? A GOOD FRIEND WOULD NOTICE AND ACCEPT THEM! EVEN MAKI LET THEM DATE AS LONG AS SHUICHI WAS HAPPY! SHE'S ALSO MAKING AN EFFORT TO TRY AND BE NICER TO KOKICHI! SO STOP BEING SO SELFISH AND LOOK AROUND YOU FOR ONCE!"

(That was like 100 words I-)

Kaito was shocked, his eyes wide.

"M-My sidekick is dating... H-Him?! B-But..."

Maki glared at Kaito, scowling.

"You got a problem? Shuichi is happy. I hate that shithead with all my hatred but if Shuichi is happen than I'm trying to be nicer to the gremlin... A much as I don't want to."

We all stood in an awkward, shocked silence. We really shouldn't have started fighting... I don't think anyone noticed how long we had been fighting for either, as the stars were already shining in the night sky.

"What's going on here."

We turned around to see Shuichi, glaring at us. Kaito looked happy.

"Sidekick!"

"I'm not your sidekick. I heard everything. You mean nothing to me, you got that? "

We all stared in shock. He still looked so calm, like nothing was bothering him. He walked back to the chairs, and disappeared behind the curtain.

"W-Well... That was a bit different... But you probably don't want such a plain girl's opinion! Sorry..."

I walked over to reassure Tsumugi and tell her that she wasn't plain. That's when Shuichi came back, with Kokichi. I observed Kokichi, who was in tears. He had a bunch of bruises on his arms and legs, and two band aids on his face.

"Look what you did, Momota."

Kokichi huddled closer to Shuichi as Kaito was still going through shock. Shuichi and Kokichi left the room, Kokichi being carried by Shuichi, since he was still very emotional.

||Time Skip Cuz Lazy||

MAKI POV

I wondered down the halls after breakfast, carrying two plates. I said I would make an effort to be nicer to the gremlin, so here I am. I knocked on the door to Shuichi's dorm, presuming the tow would be in there. To my surprise, Kokichi was the one who opened the door, and also shockingly let me in.

"W-Who is it Kokichi?"

Shuichi seemed a lot more relaxed, kind of like while he was before... well, this. He was at his desk, writing things down.

"M-Maki."

I handed Kokichi the plate of food as he peered up at me. I smiled and ruffled his hair. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Shuichi smiling. He got up from his seat and walked over to us as I handed him the plate.

"S-Shu... "

"Yes Koki?"

"Can M-Maki stay for a while?"

"That's up to her, if she wants to or not."

Kokichi stared up at me and giggled as I nodded my head. He leaned into my ear.

"Wanna play a p-prank on Shu?"

I looked over at Shuichi who was happily reading at him desk. I smirked, starting to have a soft spot for the small boy.

"I thought you'd never ask..."

[bigskydreaming]

Have you seen Linkara's review of The Dark Knight Returns? He goes into why the view of Robin as a soldier, popularized but by no means invented by Miller, is so dangerous.

I have not, but I need to refresh my memory before I go check it out because I’ll either agree with it or be infuriated by it and I can’t remember which just at the moment but would like to before I restart that argument ten years later.

LOL, so like, I knew Linkara yeeears and years ago. We were both regular posters on Gail Simone’s messageboard on CBR like fifteen years ago, maybe longer. Pretty sure we even met in person a couple times at Gail’s annual SDCC breakfast meetups, but not sure. I do know for sure though that he and I were both involved in a three way argument about this very topic with another guy.....I just can not remember if he was the one who agreed with me or the one we were both fighting with about it, LOL. I THINK we were in agreement as while I wasn’t like.....as pro-DC as most YABSers were given that it was Gail’s board and I mostly hung out at the X-boards and just swung by YABS once a week or so BECAUSE I couldn’t stand all the ass-kissing that went on at that board so that DC writers and artists would hang out and post regularly, LOL, like I’m pretty sure I remember Link as being one of the less....vehement of the pro-DC camp.

(Tbh, one of the biggest ways in which I disagreed with Gail on stuff is I UNDERSTOOD her feeling a need to be civil with other DC pros even if she didn’t like them personally, I just....couldn’t manage the same and didn’t feel any desire to try. Like for example, not sure how many people know who Ethan van Sciver is, but he’s a long time high profile DC artist, best known for his GL stuff.....but he used to hang around YABS pretty regularly. EvS is ALSO a haaaaaardcore conservative, Trumpian, and all around terrible person. And he always was.

Like he’d play it civil back then but his opinions were downright hateful on a variety of topics, particularly towards marginalized groups, but he was good at picking just the right moments to half-assedly walk something back the second he took something ‘too far’ - so like, the end result was he said it and everyone saw and remembered, but before anyone could react he’d drop the mea culpa card and be like oh I’m sorry I know that was out of line, I was just caught up in the moment and it’s all good cuz this is all friendly debate anyway right? We’re just talking here.

And he’d pull this crap all the time but because he was a DC pro, people would let him get away with it and warn people off coming down on him so he didn’t feel unwelcome at the board. Now the painfully ironic twist here is that shockingly, totally unexpectedly.....fast forward to about five or six years ago where good old Ethan burns a shit ton of bridges and decides well why not make things a dumpster fire for everyone in my vicinity....and he became the driving force behind a bunch of alt right comic book fans starting their own weak ass version of Gamergate, only called Comicsgate. It never was nearly as....big...as Gamergate was, but it was still ugly. And the thing is, Ethan sicced his sycophants on other industry pros he’d worked with over the years but always disagreed with on politics.....like really let the ugly fly....and most of these pros included Gail as well as a bunch of the other DC professionals from back in the YABS days.

Because thing was....that was literally WHY he’d hung out at YABS so much back then, despite being so far in disagreement with most of the progressive leaning board. He was always just interested in stirring shit up, he never actually had the slightest interest in debate or seeing the other side of anything....he just knew how to play the right cards to get the right people to come to his defense and cool things off rather than run him off, in the name of keeping things civil and such...all so he could start it all up again a couple weeks later.

And this is literally why that kind of thing doesn’t work for me at all. Because he wasn’t really that subtle even then, most people knew all along exactly what he was doing, and letting him get away with shit that would have gotten anyone else banned purely because he was a industry pro just meant that his opportunities to subject anyone in his vicinity to just vile, hateful shit ended up more protected than all the marginalized posters on that board who didn’t come to it to see his shit but had to constantly listen to it anyway because people were more interested in making excuses for him than making it comfortable for everyone else.

And in the end, he ended up turning on the very people who’d protected him from everyone else ripping into his hateful viewpoints with the directness they merited. Which just. Sigh. To me just smacks of a whole lot of unnecessary years spent putting up with his barely veiled bullshit until he didn’t bother even veiling it anymore....even though the reality is NOBODY was ever buying into his veil of it in the first place and we all knew what was right behind it all along. Anyway. Not that it matters LOL, but good old Eth, was one of the primary reasons I decided not to go into comics when I had a couple of opportunities come up, as I decided to focus my efforts on Hollywood at the time instead. Lmao, I figured if I was going to have to keep my mouth shut about coworkers whose opinions I vehemently disagreed with in the name of professionalism, I might as well focus on the profession that would pay me more money to keep that to myself. Look, at least capitalism is useful when ADHD and trying to pretend to be decisive about life choices.)

Long ramble nobody asked for aside, like I said, I can’t remember Link’s take on this particular topic but it’s likely the one I agreed with for the most part. My own take has always been that Miller sucks and if he said it chances are I said he was wrong because he is about everything and my religion is people saying so and by people I mean me. My religion’s also big on self-actualization. Not sure what else, I did just make it up and I think I’ll probably just stop there so I don’t accidentally make it a cult.

But yeah. I mean, maybe it’ll surprise people given how critical I am of the abusive elements of canon, but I’ve never applied the child endangerment/child soldier argument to sidekicks. It’s obviously not that they don’t get hurt in these stories and even traumatized, it’s not that they’re NOT in danger as kids....it’s just why I put such an emphasis on it being their choice to fight crime and be heroes and NOT something that Bruce or any other mentor or parent pushed them into.

Because this is one of the reasons why death of the author more often than not just doesn’t work for me. Authorial intent matters. Readers are always free to interpret a text however they want, regardless of authorial intent....but IF a writer has a specific intent behind a narrative choice, chances are most interpretations that refuse to align themselves with that viewpoint aren’t really all that RELEVANT to the story the writer was trying to tell in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong. Those other interpretations can still exist. They’re allowed to exist. People can abide by them all they want. But if someone’s takeaway from a story is a deliberate choice to read it entirely different from the story the writer intended it to be.....like, their interpretation is all well and good, but it’s not actually at all a RELEVANT commentary on or review of the story the writer was actually writing. They’re not actually saying the writer did a poor job of telling the story or was wrong in how they did it....because they’re not actually talking about the story the writer was actually telling.

Thus their commentary on it exists. But it’s just not that relevant. Because nothing in it even CAN offer an opinion on how else the writer could or should have written that story....because the story they ARE talking about isn’t the story the writer was even interested in writing.

Now, there are some times when authorial intent DOESNT matter. And when criticism of it is entirely fair and earned even if it’s of something the writer didn’t consciously or deliberately write into their story at all. But these things are almost ALWAYS unconscious. Unlike what I was just talking about, where the writer was very consciously writing the story a certain way for a reason, and thus people who aren’t interested in reading the story the way it was written to be read just can’t offer up a commentary that says anything useful or meaningful about the story that was actually written...the flip side of this is when the writer puts things they don’t intend into the text, but still are very much there all the same.

And this sort of thing applies to things like micro aggressions or racism, homophobia, sexism....things where a writer didn’t sit down intending to be offensive or alienate their readers but still put in things that they don’t think to view as offensive due to their own privilege and lack of experience EXPERIENCING the microaggressions that marginalized readers might be all TOO familiar with and thus can’t avoid reading into a passage where the writer might not have INTENDED harm or offense, but delivered it all the same. Because they didn’t think to put it into their story, they weren’t TRYING to....but they didn’t think to avoid putting it in there either, even if it’s because they didn’t know to until it’s pointed out to them that it’s there.

And this also applies to when the writer puts into their story, via whatever viewpoint they’re writing from, things that herald from their own viewpoints, how they view the world, even in terms of unconscious biases or expectations....but things that readers can still interpret as something they vehemently disagree with, even if the narrative seems to condone it. Because a lot of these viewpoints are things where the way they’re written....even just not coming out as clearly not condoning or agreeing it can effectively be read as tacitly condoning it.

So to apply all this to the idea of child sidekicks and child soldiers:

They’re not one and the same, and thus treating them as one and the same or interchangeable is IMO an inherently flawed perspective that doesn’t ever have anything USEFUL or RELEVANT to the stories that most people are trying to tell with child heroes and sidekicks.

With the notable exceptions of Miller, Ennis and certain other writers who by their own admission usually aren’t even trying to write about superheroes but rather deconstructions of the genre as a whole.....the vast majority of comic book writers, even the ones I dislike LOL, aren’t writing about child soldiers when they write characters like the Robins. Because CONSCIOUSLY, with INTENT, they’re already trying to write something completely different:

Child heroes and sidekicks are almost universally written to be child (although to be really fair, for the most part they’re largely teen) empowerment allegories. They’re youth power fantasies.

They’re stories about kids, about teens, getting to be the ones to save the world. About kids who don’t need adults to save them because they save themselves or their friends. Kids saving other people, other kids, grown adults. Stories about child HEROES are written as metaphors of hope for the future and the promise of the younger generations, or power fantasies where kids who feel helpless and powerless in their own lives can read these stories and vicariously imagine through the characters the idea of one day having the power to save themselves or other people, what that would be like, what they’d do with that.

But here’s the important part, and why people interpreting these teen and kid heroes as child soldiers doesn’t really offer relevant commentary to stories that are written to be allegorical youth power fantasies, regardless of authorial intent or death of the author....

And that’s because the key ingredient here, the thing that’s not really up for debate or open to interpretation....is that these stories can ONLY ever be allegorical.

Because like I said before, child heroes and child soldiers are not the same thing. There simply IS NO REAL WORLD EQUIVALENT for child and teen heroes as comic books style them.

And that’s why the fact that with most every child hero in comics, no adult makes them be a hero. They choose that for themselves, it’s almost universally characterized as a self-determination or empowerment moment rather than one of coercion like Miller likes to characterize it. His choice to characterize Bruce essentially drafting Dick as Robin to fight alongside him does nothing to provide commentary on any other superhero story, no matter what he’s told himself or his fans, because his story is the only one where Robin was drafted!

You can’t condemn narrative choices that nobody but you has actually written and then act like you’re saying something about any narrative other than your own fsjsjfshfzgzfhgs.

And you also can’t claim that you’re just seeing in the text something that’s inherently there and the other writers didn’t just see to avoid like I was talking about being a valid critique....because what’s being commented on there isn’t anything that was written unknowingly. Other writers consciously wrote the same things as Miller in terms of a child engaged in all that violence....but they deliberately wrote those moments to be metaphors of a kid that gets to save themselves and other people and CHOSE that, which is inherently opposed to the interpretation of a kid who is ONLY in harm’s way because he was forcibly drafted by a more powerful figure or force who cares neither what he wants or if he gets hurt.

These two ideas are mutually exclusive. They can not coexist in the same narrative because a character can not be powerless and self-empowering about the exact same specific choice. And thus anything that’s said about one of these narratives is inherently unable to say anything that’s relevant about the other....because the other is not written by its writer TO BE the kind of narrative that particular commentary is dissecting. It’s not TRYING to be that narrative, so no review of it can possibly say how flawed it’s execution is of an idea it’s not actually trying to execute.

And the differences between child heroes and child soldiers are not just limited to choosing that or being drafted and these other differences are equally key.

The biggest being that child heroes can not be seen as ‘basically’ the same thing as child soldiers.....UNLESS you are also perceiving adult heroes as basically the same thing as adult soldiers. And not even law enforcement or police or temporarily deputized or whatever else you want to spin it as....SOLDIERS, specifically. You don’t get to bring up something as charged as child soldiers and then get vague with your terminology when the close scrutiny that brings to your analogy stops working in your favor.

If sidekicks are child soldiers then you must in conjunction view adult superheroes as soldiers. And not in the abstract one man war on crime way Miller likes to consider Batman in his attempted deconstruction of superheroes. ACTUAL soldiers. If there’s no room in your comparison for child heroes to differentiate from real world child soldiers, there’s no wiggle room for the adults either.

And again, except for Miller, Ennis and specific others who by their own admissions are not TRYING to view superheroes the same way most other comic writers are, but fail to see that genre conventions are largely interpretive and thus seeing room for different interpretations of superheroes isn’t actually a commentary on how other people see and write those same heroes....like except for these select few, most writers are not writing superhero soldiers unless they’re Captain America or Captain Atom. Yes I know there are other superhero soldiers but let me be pithy. Even those aren’t really the same as their real world equivalents.

See, real soldiers don’t make distinctions about whether or not they’re willing to use guns. Their personal views on killing are not prioritized over whether they’ve been told to use lethal force to accomplish their objective. They have a chain of command. No matter the rationalization, they pledge their loyalty to singular nations and the aims and objectives of those specific nations over the abstract of acting in defense of the whole world.

Now again, maybe that applies to Captain Atom, but for the most part can you say the majority of comic book writers are TRYING to write Superman, Batman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman etc through that lens? No. So while Miller really thinks he said something when he wrote his Batman with guns, fighting in the Middle East, killing people left and right, none of that actually ‘showed’ people that at the end of the day, Batman is no conceptually different from a real world soldier like. No all he actually did was write his own take on Batman, and said look, he’s a gun toting murderous asshole, huzzah I have deconstructed the modern superhero!

Like. Shut up Miller. Honestly.

But seriously. Superheroes do not have a real world equivalent and neither do child heroes. Even when it comes to nonpowered ones like the Batfam, they’re still deliberately written in a larger than life, four color perspective that requires a suspension of disbelief at the front door. We ALL know and understand that they aren’t a blue print for how to go out and be a real world vigilante. Even real world vigilantes exist. But they don’t look anything like the Batfam and it’s disingenuous to pretend they do for the sake of teh discourse. Nobody honestly believes that there is even the OPTION of going out one day and deciding to become a comic book style vigilante like one of the Batfam. It’s why even they’re termed superheroes despite the lack of superpowers. On a CONCEPTUAL level it’s understood that the stories being told about them require an extrahuman medium. You can not simultaneously write characters according to a mythic scale but then attempt to interpret that very writing on a real world one. It doesn’t work.

Which brings me to my final piece of this pie. Or puzzle. Idk I’ve been doing this response for awhile I forget what this is.

And that is again, the difference between interpreting a story in a way the author probably didn’t intend and understanding when a story isn’t meant to be interpreted in the way you’re trying to.

And this difference is how I can understand and reconcile the idea that it’s not inherently abusive for Bruce to allow his kids to fight crime at all, even though that would inherently be child endangerment in the real world, but at the same time, I can view him as abusive in other ways that don’t make allowances for the differences between real life and comics.

Basically it boils down to: CAN this specific element of a story be duplicated in real life or mirror a real life action or idea? Is there a direct parallel to a real world equivalent at all?

I can view Bruce fighting crime or saving the world alongside a child Robin without viewing that as child endangerment or inherently abusive, even when Robin gets hurt in the process....because there is no real world equivalent to those parts of a story. NO ONE, child or adult, is going out there and doing those things Batman and Robin style. Even the people who dress up in their own real life vigilante personas basically just do niche neighborhood things like walk people home from the bar. And even people doing real life vigilantism in terms of taking out criminals, like, that’s usually more of a personal revenge thing and not one where they’re trying to attract attention via a costumed persona. When you think real world Batman and Robin, nothing comes to mind for a reason.

And thus this says nothing inherently abusive about their dynamic, even according to real life parallels of child endangerment, because it’s not a real scenario. And thus it’s not TRYING to say anything about real life. It’s innately allegorical. It’s power fantasy emphasis on the fantasy.

In contrast, when you have something like Bruce hitting one of his kids.....no matter who the characters are, that specific interaction and the dynamic it presents DOES have a real world equivalent. That’s just parent/child abuse. And thus even if the writer didn’t intend for it to be interpreted that way, it’s still a valid interpretation. If it looks like a parent hitting their child, you can call it a parent hitting a child.

Batman and Robin fighting killer mind controlled plants together? Can’t happen. I’m not going to call it child endangerment when it’s not a realistic scenario and not meant to be, and I’ve already been presented with a valid alternative interpretation of this being a child empowered to help save people alongside his superhero father. There’s no point in condemning a dynamic that CANT be translated to a non allegory in real life.

But Bruce hitting his son? A father no matter how good hearted normally, being affected by extreme stress or grief or something else that makes his behavior take a turn for the worse and reach a point where he physically lashes out even if he never would have in the past? Nothing remotely allegorical about that. That story has too many real world equivalents to dismiss as having nothing to say about abuse in real life. Even if the writer didn’t intend for this to read as abusive because they were thinking of how much worse Dick has been hurt fighting alongside Bruce and never held that against him even though technically it was Bruce letting him get hurt....doesn’t matter. That interpretation still requires viewing through a lens that can’t exist in reality. No kid can ever excuse a parent hitting them by thinking of how much worse they got hurt taking down their local mob together and if he didn’t blame his dad for that cuz he wanted to do it to help people then how can he blame his dad for hurting him in a moment of anger? Umm. Doesn’t track see? They’re not the same thing at all.

Or another one that really bugs....I’ve heard people defend shipping a Robin while underage with an adult by saying if they’re old enough to make the choice to risk their life and have that choice respected, they’re old enough to choose who they want to be with. Umm. No. That’s not just apples and oranges that’s genetically modified grapes and seventeenth century cannonballs.

That logic doesn’t apply because neither of those things is the underage character choosing ANYTHING. They’re fictional. Everything they choose is just what their writer wrote them choosing. But again, one of those choices is one that an underage reader CANT choose in real life and have respected by every adult in their life, and thus will never have a bearing on their life as anything BUT an allegory they have to interpret and translate into something actionable they can apply to their life and choices. The other choice is them being written as presented with an option that’s actually a textbook real life grooming technique and something abusers use to justify the relationship they’re trying to cultivate with a minor by saying aren’t you mature for your age, aren’t you old enough to know what you want or to do this or that in which case you should be old enough to make this choice?

See the difference? Putting on a cape and going out to fight robots? Not directly applicable. Saying yes to the grown man saying he wants to have sex with you and thinks you’re old enough given this other choice you’ve made that highlights your maturity? That’s a choice that can be presented both to a Robin or a real life minor, but a writer justifying that choice for that Robin by saying well he’s already previously made this other choice that has no real life equivalent.....that creates a pretty misleading interpretation to people reading that story and not stopping to think through the distinctions between what KINDS of choices the writer is presenting these characters with and then justifying via their narrative.

And while I haven’t watched the video you’re referencing, anon, I would definitely agree that this is an example of how viewing child heroes as child soldiers is....not great. Aside from being cynical, misusing the idea of death of the author and helping to validate Miller’s choices and thus ego which is NEVER a good look LOL....it also intentionally or not paves the way for putting fictional types and MEANS of harm on an even playing field with real life ones and acting like it’s all one and the same with no distinctions to be drawn. And this doesn’t actually offer anything substantive or constructive about holding characters accountable for reasonable expectations of harm, when the sources of harm have no reasonable equivalent and thus only exist in the medium of being a youth power fantasy in which the child involved is fictional and can’t truly be harmed, with the harm done the second the scene ends and where the character can be back in fighting form the very next scene. Thus the only lingering element there IS the power fantasy.

Nope, all it actually does is muddy the waters in the REVERSE, and make it so it’s actually easier to justify or rationalize types and means of harm that DO have a real world equivalent, but by pointing to examples from a fictional medium and emphasizing the fictional character’s lack of being harmed while de-emphasizing the fact that the writer has full control over depicting this in a solely positive light that doesn’t ALLOW the fictional character any angle from which to voice that this CAN result in harm when not written for fictional characters according to a writer’s specific intent.

And that’s that about that. My opinion: you have it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #467

“oh, mary, mary, ain’t this fun?  /  mary, mary, i’ve got a gun”

If the last person you kissed asked you to marry them, what would you do? Pray to god it wasn't in public and tell him it's waaaay too soon for that one. Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah, a son and daughter. Name all the members (first, middle and last names) from your favorite band. Ha, it's funny how once upon a time, I could do this. All I've got now is John Michael Osbourne. Have you ever heard a young child swear? Maybe? Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo?: Yes to both. Has a taste of something ever made you smile? Boy meet me at The Cheesecake Factory and see what my face does lmaooo As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a paleontologist sooo badly. I wanted to discover new dinosaurs, put a shitload of work into unearthing fossils and being so proud to see the final results... Even now as an adult, if I could handle the heat, traveling, and hardcore school, I'd still love to do that. Would you cuss the person you hate the most out to their face? No. My hatred for her is unjustified and I'd rather just not say anything to her. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? As one of the strongest people around. I imagine her with a job in medical coding, while also pursuing the hobbies of ball python breeding and writing. I'm sure she'll have loads of pets to love, too! Do you like Florence + The Machine? I've never listened to them. Did you watch the presidential debates? No. Do you ever watch Dr. Phil? No. Are you typically unattracted to people outside of your race? No; I can be attracted to any race. Have you ever ridden any animal other than a horse? No. Do you brush your hair when it’s wet? Yes. Do you eat the crusts of your bread? Yeah, I always have. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah! At my childhood home, there was a tobacco field directly across the street, and when they weren't in season so the field was flat, Dad would help us with getting kites set up and in the air. Those are good memories. How are you for money? I don't make any money. Mom is struggling. Do you think you are more intelligent than the average person? Ha, no. Do you ever think about why we are here? Does it matter? We're here, so make the most of it. Do you like cherries? I fucking hate cherries. Name a celebrity that you admire that nobody would expect you to: Jeffree Star, probs. Can you use a yoyo? Not well, but yeah. Do you think Jenna Marbles’ videos are funny? I've actually never watched her. Do you like folk music? NOOOOOOOOO Ever had a crush on somebody of the same sex? Yes. Do you know any lesbians? Yep. Favourite member of your favourite band: I'm unfamiliar with all but Ozzy himself. And Ozzy is rad. Who’s your favourite female rapper? I don't have one. When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I sometimes have very, very quick spasms when I'm falling asleep that feel like what I assume a seizure would, but they barely last a second. They seriously jerk me awake, though, and are very startling. What’s the oldest man-made object you own? I dunno. Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? Not really, no. What do you hate to hear people joke about? I will actually and remorselessly deck you in the jaw if you make a joke about rape. There are other things that are absolutely forbidden joking matters for me, too. What’s the largest animal you’ve seen in the wild? Hmmm... Nothing that big, really. Maybe a whitetail deer buck? Do any of your friends or family members have strange occupations? Not to my knowledge. Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? Oh yeah. We've had some savage thunderstorms. What political issues are the most important to you personally? LGBTQ+ rights and just equality in general, the pro-choice movement, environmental conservation, gun control, the abolishment of poverty and homelessness... There is honestly a lot. I could keep going. Do you know anyone who doesn’t know how to cook even just simple recipes? ... Me. :x Especially now that I'm in a relationship, I really want to make a greater effort to learn. I want to prove to him I give a damn about the success of our relationship and that I'm capable of being an adult that can take part in general adult responsibilities. ^What’s stopping them from learning this basic life skill? Laziness. Forgetfulness. The fear of getting burned. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone? I can pick up on sketchy body language from a mile away. I'm too paranoid not to. Of all the states/provinces in your country, which one is your favorite? At least from photographs I've seen, Utah appears BEAUTIFUL. That whole region of the U.S. in general. Are there any obscure foods you’ve eaten that most people have never tried? That's very unlikely. I'm far from explorative with food. When you travel to other countries, do you always try the local cuisine? I've never been outside the U.S. I would probably do that, though. I'd really want to experience the culture as thoroughly as I could. What did you do for your 19th birthday? Hell if I remember. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? I remember as a young kid, my parents, two sisters, and I were getting food at McDonald's, and whoever was in front of us paid for our meals. Such a sweet gesture for a larger family. Have you ever used a meal kit delivery service? No, but there actually is one that I can't recall the name of that I'd like to try when I cook myself, especially getting started learning, but yeah, subscription fees. You see a lot of YouTubers get sponsored by them, if that rings a bell. Do you have any psychological issues rooted in events from your childhood? Possibly my fear of men, with my dad having been an alcoholic that had a 50/50 chance of being very angry when drunk. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty organized, I'd say. I put stuff into folders. Would you date someone with braces? Yes? Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? Only always. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself, for sure. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I've never even taken a cab. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Nobody, really. My cat is occasionally in the living room to see who's home, but not always because he's a lazy cat, ha ha. Do you ever chat about your favourite video games with your friends? Not really, no. I wish. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No, bc I'm poor. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? No. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? Yeah. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want some 'cuz I'm paranoid as hell. Are you waiting on anything right now? No. Have you ever been described as shy? Is it true? Oh, always. It's absolutely true. Name something you’re a complete sucker for? Baby animals, to name one thing. Do you remember when you first went on the internet? Nope. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Arrogance/over-confidence. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? Make me genuinely laugh a lot, to name one way. Are you in love right now? Not yet. I love him with our decade of history, but I need more experience as a couple before I've got the confidence to say that. Do you wanna get married anytime soon? It wouldn't be smart to. I want to be in a strong relationship for quite a few years before I want that. Have you ever kissed someone in a band? No. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? No but oh my fucking god I wish!!!!!! Did your mom or dad ever put soap in your mouth? No, but Mom would threaten to. What was the last fruit you ate? Well, I had strawberry yogurt earlier today. Who was the last person to make you laugh? Girt. He is very, very good at that. Have you ever dated someone with more piercings than you? No. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hell yeah man. Is there one night of your life you wish had never happened? I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Do you have a close relationship with your sibling(s)? No. What was the last thing that you shared? Some watermelon Sour Patch Kids with my mom. Do you think people talk behind your back? You couldn't get me to believe my mom doesn't at least sometimes to my sisters even if you tried your absolute damnedest. In real life do you laugh like ‘haha,’ 'hehe’ or something else? It depends on what I'm laughing at/at what intensity. Do you have any unusual skills? Nah. Who’s your favourite person? I don't have a sole favorite person. I love many people in different ways for varying reasons. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No. When did you last have an "Oh, I get it now!" moment? Watching Attack on Titan yesterday w/ Girt. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? My mom HAD to have suspected I was doing something FAR worse than innocent meerkat RP to have borderline fucking traumatized me invading my privacy and forcing shit out of me regarding what I was always doing on the computer so secretively. Like I get it, she was a concerned mother, but I was a fucking WRECK because I found it so embarrassing. It was insulting that she didn't trust her well-behaved daughter. What do you think about video games? They're great for both the creators and consumers. They're wonderful expressions of creativity, and so much fun to experience as a player, delving into a new world and getting engrossed in the story. I could go onnnn and onnnnn about what video games mean to me. I've gone my whole life as a loyal gamer. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? I really, really don't get a lot of abstract art that's worth fucking thousands, BUT, I absolutely disagree that they are without purpose. The artist created what they did for SOME reason. As a distraction, a method of expressing emotion, to convey an idea... Are you tired right now? I have been SO ridiculously tired today. Like it's unreal. I've taken I wanna say three naps and I'm still sleepy. What’s something you do a lot? Drink something. I'm not talking about alcohol; just in general, I ALWAYS need some kind of drink by me, and I go through drinks pretty quickly. Are you currently on any other websites? Yeah, I'm watching YouTube. Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent, I guess. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Yes, actually, at least by my mom, and she's right. My head tends to tilt VERY slightly to the right, and I can tell by how easy it is to bend my head that way as opposed to left. I'll feel a biiiit more strain.

[sunflowersunshinevol6]

Crawl Before You Walk

Part 5

Pairing: HarryxReader

Warnings: Domestic violence

I’m still in disbelief when I wake up the next morning. I look at my arm, it’s bruised, you can see the impression of his fingers. I put long sleeves on. When I look in the mirror I can see the bruises on my chin. I put concealer over that. No need to have anyone else worry. 

Except Harry.

He saw the bruises. Does he know? I’m a terrible liar and I’m nervous to face him, but when Gemma knocks on the door telling me breakfast is ready I take a deep breath and head out to face the music. 

Harry doesn’t look at me, speak to me or acknowledge me in any way during breakfast. I try to act normally, but the tension radiating off of him is palpable. 

“What crawled up your ass this morning?” Gemma asks him, Harry shoots him a glare and says nothing. Nobody comments again after that. 

I’m washing the dishes when he comes up beside me. He says nothing, just begins rinsing and drying them as I wash them. “What are you doing Y/N?” Harry asks me after his mother leaves the room. 

“What?” I ask, unable to look him in the eye. 

“You lied to me.” his voice is filled with hurt, I scrub the dish in my hand hard, trying to remain passive. “You said Jake wasn’t at that party...Don’t you trust me?”

“I do.” he rolls his eyes, turning to face me, he places his hand on my wrist, and takes the plate from me, dropping it back into the soapy water. 

“Then tell me the truth...Did Jake do this to you?” Before I can protest he rolls up my sleeve, his eyes widen in horror as he takes in the purple and blue markings around my elbow. I pull my arm away, rolling my sleeve back down. 

“You already know the answer.”

“Yeah cuz you’re a terrible liar.” he lifts my chin gently, looking me in the eye. “Are you gonna see him again?” I pause, trying to think of what to say, but I take too long. He sighs, dropping his hand from my face. “Y/N….I know you don’t want me to tell you what to do-”

“Then don’t.” I turn around, flicking my hands as I march from the kitchen. I’m irritated. I just need to talk to Jake. Get his side of the story and everything will be okay. 

“If you don’t slow down and think about this you’ll end up just like your mother!” That stops me immediately. His face is red, eyes troubled. He lowers his voice. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Fuck you.” I say. That hits him and I instantly regret the words. He looks heartbroken, unsure of what to say now. “Jake cares about me. He won’t do it again.” Harry shakes his head sadly. 

“That’s what they all say.”

Monday rolls around all to quickly. I’m nervous about what’s going to happen when I see Jake. I don’t know what happened after the party, if he even remembers what he did. My elbow still hurts but the bruises on my chin are fading. I see him as soon as I step inside the building. He’s standing by my locker, a box of candy in his hands. I try to smile but my face feels tight. 

“Hey,” he holds out the chocolate to me. 

“Hey.” I take the chocolate and open my locker. He shoves his hands in his pockets and leans against the lockers. 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry….about the other night. I didn’t mean it….I really didn’t. I just….”

“It’s okay.” I pull out my history book, placing the chocolates carefully in the text book’s spot.

“No it’s not,” he shakes his head and lightly places his hands on my hips, I still at the contact. “I would never hurt you...I’m so sorry.” he kisses me, it’s mild and delicate, and not at all like the monster I met on saturday night. I decide to give him another shot. He pulls away and wraps his arm around me as we walk down the hall, kissing my hair as we go. 

“Thank you for the chocolates,” I say as we get to my classroom. He releases me with a smile, kissing my hand. I love how affectionate he’s being. 

“Meet me at my car after school. I’ll drive you home.” I give him a slight wave before entering the classroom. 

The day passes quickly. I feel much better after talking with Jake, I knew I was overthinking things. Harry comes up to me at the end of the day, stopping beside my locker. Things have been awkward since the argument in the kitchen. I don’t really know what he wants at this point from me. I feel like he’s hot and cold. 

“Ready to go home?” he asks.

“Jake’s bringing me.” Harry narrows his eyes. 

“Absolutely not.” I scoff. 

“You’re not my father.”

“Y/N.” he grabs my wrist as I turn away from him and pulls me close, his eyes are serious. “Y/N….He bruised you.” he whispers the last part. I pull my hand away, taking a couple steps back. 

“Harry stop. We talked okay. It’s done. Let it go.” he opens his mouth to speak and I raise my hand. “Enough Harry. I’ll be home in a bit.” I leave him standing there at my locker, I don’t look back. 

Jake’s car is parked at the far end of the parking lot. I hurry over to it, seeing that it’s running and he’s waiting for me. I open the passenger door quickly and got in, shutting it quickly behind me. He doesn’t say anything. 

I turn to look at him, ready to apologize for making him wait on me. But I don’t even get the chance. He turns, an expression on his face that I have never seen before-distorted in anger- and backhands me across the face. The force sends my head slamming into the passenger window. He grabs the front of my shirt, bawling it in his fist and yanking me towards him. 

“Where the fuck were you?” he snarls, his eyes are wild and I’m scared. I can taste blood in my mouth. He reminds me of my father.

“Harry-” I gasp. “Harry was-” he slaps me again, keeping his hold on me tightly. 

“I am so sick of that dude I fucking swear,” he scream in my face. I am terrified. I stammer, trying to explain, he shoves me back, releasing me and putting the car in drive. He speeds off before I can even get my seatbelt on. 

He rants, the whole way to my house. I cower against the door, hand pressed to my cheek. It stings. 

“....And I don’t wanna see you talking to him again okay? I’m over it.” he slams on the breaks outside of my house. I jerk forward and slam back into the seat. My head is throbbing and I can feel tears burning against my eyes. He grabs my chin, very much in the same way he did Saturday night, forcing me to look at him. “If you just do what I say things will be easier for you.” he slams his lips against mine hard, I scream internally from the pain. 

I quietly enter the house, listening for any hint of sound or movement. It doesn’t seem like anyone is home yet. I shut myself in the bathroom and flick on the light. 

My cheek is pink, it may not bruise but my lip is swollen, blood trickling down my chin. The concealer I put on my chin has rubbed off, the bruise looks a bit darker. I lean forward in disbelief, touching my face and wincing as I do so. 

“My god.” I mumble to myself. “My God….”

The cycle continues all week. Everytime I do something Jake doesn’t like, as soon as we are alone he hits me. He keeps telling me that things will be easier if I listen to him. I try to. I really do. But nothing I do seems to be good enough, satisfying enough for him. He brings me presents, apologizes, promises not to do it again, and then as soon as I do something. 

The morning of homecoming, I wake up feeling anxious. I have a panic attack in the shower. I don’t tell anyone. I don’t really want to go at this point, even as I roll over and look at Jas sleeping away blissfully. I know I would have a good time if it were going to be just us….But it’s not. 

I get out of bed and pad to the kitchen. Harry's there, sitting at the kitchen table reading a book and eating cereal, he glances at me as I walk by but says nothing. I’ve caught him watching me quite a bit lately. It perks my curiosity, but I never ask him about it. I get my own bowl and pour my own cereal before sitting down beside him. 

“So….”Harry says, trying to start conversation. “You excited for tonight?” I shrug my shoulders. I appreciate the effort, but I’m still angry with him for what he said about me being like my mother. 

“Not really…”

“You wanna stay home?” I shake my head. 

“Gemma would kill me.” he chuckles, nodding his head in agreement. 

“Yeah. You’re probably right.” we the rest of our respective meals in silence. The awkward tension relaxing a bit. 

By ten, Gemma and I are huddled on the couch in the living room watching YouTube updo and makeup tutorials. Gemma’s mom makes us lunch and we eat while we decide on our hairstyles. Everything moves quickly from there. Gemma is blasting music so loudly it shakes the floorboards in her room. It’s a good thing their father is working today. We would have gotten into so much trouble.

Around four, we’re scrambling to finish, I try to put on my dress on in the bathroom, but Gemma calls for help at the hair station, I open the door to sneak across the hall at the exact time Harry comes out of his bedroom too, and he gets an eyeful of me in a strapless black bra and matching underwear.

“Oh my god,” he says, and claps a hand over his eyes. “Will you put on some fucking clothes?”

“You know not to come out when we are getting ready. What if I had been your sister.” he makes a disgusted noise.

“I need to go to the bathroom!”

I put my hands on my hips and wait until he lowers his hand, when he sees I’m still standing there he groans covering his eyes again, “Go away.”

“Why?” I smirk teasingly, taking a step toward him.”See something you like?” I feel bold, I know I’m crossing some line, but teasing him is too much fun to pass up.

He opens his eyes and stares me down, as if to say, Is that how you want to play this? And when I keep my stance, he accepts the challenge, his eyes wander all the way down my body and back up, resting for a moment on the fading bruise on my arm before finding it’s place on my face again. I suddenly feel very small, rooted to the spot as he steps closer to me.

He swipes my hair back from my face and whispers in my ear, “Thanks for the show.” I can feel him grinning against my cheek, like the little shit he is. It feels almost normal, like how we used to be. Before the kissing lesson. Before Jake. He steps around me, giving me one last look over before winking and going into the bathroom. 

The boys will pick us up around seven. No one wanted to go to dinner first so we waited until it got close enough to just go to the dance. My dress is lavender colored, it looks like a ballgown. Gemma wore it in a beauty pageant she was in a few years ago. It’s amazing it fits me, but I love it either way. I grab my wristlet off the bed in Gemma’s room and head down the hallway,Harry’s sitting on the couch when I pass by the living room. He calls out to me. 

“Hey.” I do a small spin, grinning at him. “What do you think?” he studies me, my hair and makeup, my dress. It feels like he’s staring at me forever before I finally get a response.

“You look….You look-”

“Hey!” I jump, turning to see Anne behind me. He’s grinning at me, it’s infectious. “Lookin’ good sister!” she pulls me into a quick hug. “Gemma said the guys are here, they’re waiting for you.” I nod, throwing Harry a quick smile before hurrying to the front door.

I sit beside Jake in the back of Dylan’s SUV. His hand squeezes my thigh hard. He’s angry I wasn’t waiting for him at the door with Gemma. Anne had told him I was talking to Harry. He leaned over and whispered to me viciously, “When we get to this dance….” He doesn’t finish and I know what’s going to happen. It makes my blood boil. Harry’s words about my mother ring in my ears. He was right. 

When we get to the dance I jump out of the car, slamming the door. Gemma and Dylan walk around the front of the car while Jake meets me behind it. He stands in front of me, towering over me. “I told you not to talk to that fucking guy. Why don’t you ever listen?” He pushes his forehead against mine. Hard. Fear rises like the tide,but I shove it down. I will not let him conquer me. I shove him away. He stumbles, caught off guard.

"I don't think I wanna do this anymore." I say to Jake. He looks surprised, taken aback. But I won't be my mother. I will be better than her.

"It's that guy isnt it? That Harry guy, Gemma's brother."

"No-"

"I've seen the way he looks at you. But you are mine. You belong to me." I grit my teeth, I have to be brave.

"I'm done Jake....I don't want to see you again."

"You want me to ask for forgiveness again? You're an ungrateful bitch you know that." He raises his hand and I close my eyes, waiting for the slap. Instead I hear the undeniable shriek of my best friend and the pound of heels against pavement. 

"You don't touch her!" I look just in time to see Gemma swing her purse at Jake, hitting him square in the face. He raises his arms to cover his face as she continues to hit him with it, screaming at him. “What the fuck is your problem?! Were you seriously bout to hit her?” Dylan stands off to the side, clearly not willing to step into Gemma's path of rage. 

“I wasn’t!” Jake shouted. “I wasn’t gonna-” she punches him, blood spurts from his fingers as he covers his nose with his hand. “Mother fucker!” he shouts angrily, stepping towards Gemma. 

“Hey man,” Dylan does step in now, moving forward slightly. “I think you’d better go.” Jake glares at me for a moment, before turning around and walking towards the end of the parking lot. I’m shaking, my nerves on fire, I stood up. I actually stood up for myself. 

Gemma embraces me, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “Y/N. Are you okay?” she asks, pulling back to look at me. I nod and pull her in again, unwilling to let her go. I am so grateful to have her in my life. But I’m not much in the mood to dance and party now. 

One of the teachers lets me use the office phone to call home. Harry agrees to pick me up and Gemma sits outside waiting with me, sending Dylan off to hang out with his friends. I tell Gem everything. She’s shocked and a little hurt that I kept it from her. 

“You’ve been through so much shit Y/N,” she says in amazement. “I don’t know how you handle it.”

“I don’t really have a choice.” she smiles sadly, laying her head on my shoulder. 

“I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me.” I rest my cheek on the top of her head. 

“It’s not your fault Gem....Thank you”

“I would have killed him if I could have.” Harry pulls up a few minutes later. Gemma hugs me once more before walking back into the auditorium. I watch her, to make sure she gets inside. The car is warm, no radio on as I climb in. Harry glances at me as we begin the ten minute drive home. 

“That was quick.” he says finally. My forehead rests against the window, I watch the houses go by. 

“Yeah.”

“What happened?’ Harry asks. I sigh. 

“Jake was mad that I was talking to you when he came to pick me up. We got into a fight. He tried to hit me but Gemma stopped him.” I explain how Gemma hit Jake with her purse and finally socked him a good one. Harry smiles, proud of his sister. I feel a little better as we pull up in front of our house. He parks the car but neither of us gets out. 

“I’m sorry Y/N….” I look at Harry, his eyes are distant, far off, he’s staring at the street in front of him. “But I’m glad you finally realize you deserve better.” He smiles, it’s small and beautiful. The adrenaline is still pumping through my veins. I lean over, placing my hand on Harry's cheek, I tilt his face towards mine. His eyes hold a question, a curiosity. I answer it by pressing my mouth to his and kissing him as passionately as I can. 

He’s breathless and wide eyed when I pull away. It’s a beautiful, satisfying expression. 

“Yeah,” I trace his bottom lip with my fingers. He never takes his eyes off me. “I deserve someone like you.”

[freewheelshippin]

Major insomnia and heartache in this chili’s tonight (this morning), so here we are with a quick little fic about two dum dums learning how to share heartache.(SFW, no major content warnings I can think of.) 

next day edits: well, now that it’s not ass o’clock, i went back in and tidied this up and added a fair amount more!!  (much more satisfying ending instead of something so abrupt, haha.) doesn’t add any further content warnings, tho! 

Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed her, he thought as she tensed and her demeanor changed entirely. 

“I want to know,” he continued, resolutely. 

“Everyone says that,” she spat. “And nobody actually does.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Ranmaru barked. “You heard me out when I told you about everything. Were you lying all those times you listened? Pretending to care just long enough I get over myself and shut up and move on?!” He knew, in his heart of hearts, of course she wasn’t, but the way she said it insulted him so badly he could practically taste the bitterness. 

She paused, looking to the side ruefully, shamefully. He had a feeling she’d struggle with eye contact this conversation, and he slouched his arms together, dropping back onto the couch with an irritated sigh, out of her line of sight. 

“....No. Absolutely not. Look, this … is different.” 

“How,” he growled. “You want to fucking talk about it. I tell you I’ll listen, it’s the least I owe you, and you say ‘no.’ You think I’m not gonna say ‘why’ after you shit all over my answer like that?” 

She took a longer time than usual to find words, so just a few empty seconds where he waited, frustrated and somewhat furious at the disconnect. 

“...You’re right that I shouldn’t have put it like that. That was shitty, and I’m sorry. But there’s...just...some kinds of life experiences that I’ve found nobody has any reason to learn to understand if it doesn’t happen to them. And...nobody’s prepared to deal with it -- meaningfully, anyways -- even secondhand.” 

“Are you just looking for excuses to run away from--” He nearly hesitated over the words, realizing what they were almost a second too late, but marching forward with them anyway. “--trusting me?” 

Another pause. “....I don’t know. I...can’t think of a time I’ve talked about it and….it hasn’t been taken from me.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” 

“It means....” She lingered long enough that Ranmaru worried, rousing himself a bit from staring blankly at the ceiling as he sprawled on the couch. She hadn’t moved from where she had been standing, but she looked at a far-off bare wall with nothing on it. “...that...the way people aren’t,” Another pause, as she searched for the word, “magically equipped with how to deal with it. It...turns me from a person into….anything else.” 

“Like what.”

“An after-school lesson. Entertainment. A new toy. A pet. A messiah to burn later, if I’m being really dramatic and cynical. I don’t know, it depends on what flavor of asshole feels like coming out, and it’s never anything good.” 

“Then tell them they’re being an asshole -- tell me I’m being an asshole -- and don’t quit until you get what you want out of them!” 

“Look!” She finally lost that last twinge of polite restraint, of saying things more nicely than Ranmaru thought was worth bothering with. “What if I didn’t know how to do that, ‘cause how could I?! And what if I don’t want to have to fight every fucking time? What if I just want to be important enough to get it right on to begin with?! And-- don’t give me that shit about being so strong, you’ll survive the mistakes, blah blah -- fuck that! I’m tired of it! I’m not a crash-test dummy! So fucking crucify me for not buckling in to crash myself into who fuckin’ knows what just ‘cuz you got it in your head this is how you’ll repay this stupid friend debt you think you’re in -- you’re not! Just---” she grunted exasperatedly, her uncharacteristic stillness disappearing as she felt less cornered. 

“I don’t care if you think I don’t owe you!” Ranmaru shot back. “I do! I want to even the score! If you did right by me, then I gotta do right by you! It’s how I do things, and I’m not about to just forget and let you keep diggin’ yourself into this hole--”  (this hole I know very well, Ranmaru thought) “-- where you get so hellbent on doin’ it on your own you cut down all your vision, ‘n your potential, ‘n all the ways you reach it, ‘cuz you keep having to re-invent the wheel just to take a step forward with all the shit you’re carrying!” 

“Will you stop trying to quantify this!?” 

“I’m not! I’m just tellin’ you what I think, and I’m right!” (I know I’m right because of y--) 

“Okay! Maybe you are! About the hole thing -- not the whole thing, the -- the fuckin pit, not the whole-- ah, fuck it, you know what I mean! But I still think this debt system you keep putting basic acts of friendship into is dumb as shit!” 

Ranmaru could already feel the point of this argument slipping away from them. “Are you gonna tell me what’s eating at you so bad or not?!” 

She froze again. “---I’m. ….No. I’m not. I...my heart’s not ready, if things....go badly again.” 

“Fine,” Ranmaru said, resolutely. He was hurt, in a small way, but he felt better that she was at least being truthful, and least acting out of her best interest, not some idiotic idea of useless martyrdom. H couldn’t fault her for protecting her heart. He, of all people, couldn’t possibly do that. 

“...then I’ll work to be someone worthy of the trust you deserve,” he murmured, somewhat less resolutely. 

The words just came out of him before he could think better of it, so Ranmaru hadn’t considered any reaction to expect. But stunned silence, then sniffling tears, that was probably the reaction he’d been least prepared to deal with. 

“Oi-- don’t---” Ranmaru leapt to his feet, like he were a startled prey animal. “Don’t cry!” 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she huffed through a miserable, contorted, crying face. “Come here, you stupid bastard!” She came towards him with arms outstretched, only just enough warning for Ranmaru to open his own and receive the gesture, an awkward stalwartness to him as he stiffly supported her while the tears ran their course. 

“I think it’s amazing how when you say shit like that,” she murmured, her arms tight around his chest. “I really do believe you mean it.” 

“....’cause I do,” Ranmaru grumbled, realizing his face burned just a little as she squeezed tighter, and he felt just a little colder when she let go. 

“...It’s not about you changing yourself, you know,” she continued, busying herself with cleaning up her tears and snot. “It’s not about you not being enough. You know that, right?” 

“...I don’t care if it is. I’d want to do it. I know you don’t expect people to be anyone but who they are. Whatever change I’d have to make was one I should be working on, anyway.” 

“Oh, god,” she sighed, stepping away to the nearest sink to wash her face, but there was a smile on her voice. “I really can’t underestimate how seriously you take everything.” 

“I told you. I’m always serious about what I do,” he muttered, a little sourly, as the faucet ran. 

“Charm point~!” she called from the bathroom in such a silly, mocking voice Ranmaru could hardly believe she’d been crying like she had just a bit ago. 

“Shut up! Stop saying weird shit like Reiji!” 

“Oh.” She came back with an ominous smile, a little at odds with her puffy eyes and smudged eyeliner. “Well, that’s how I know I really hit the nail on the head.” 

“What’s so charming about taking things seriously,” he bristled. “It’s just what people should do!” 

She laughed, so genuinely, so warmly, Ranmaru felt a twinge in his stomach. Maybe it was pride, maybe something else he didn’t want to unpack just yet. 

“C’mere,” she said again, despite going right to him, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly before leaning back, hoisting him higher until his toes dragged against the floor. Ranmaru let it happen, feeling his weight shift onto hers as she growled into the effort of getting him into the air, even with his extra height on her. He complained about these kinds of hugs, once, but had since grown so used to them, there was something about them he could admit to liking. 

“...Alright, alright. Put me down. Oi. Don’t swing me around, put me down!” The cats had gathered around, looking ready to pounce at his toes and pant legs as they waved through the air. 

“Is big baby scared of heights,” she said with that facetious tone that always got him. 

“Who said anything about that!? Put me down before the cats get on me -- like -- damn it, exactly like that!” One took a flying leap, batting at his legs until her claws her tangled into his pant leg. He could feel her grin into his shoulder as she obliged, slowly enough that the cats could get out of the way.

“It absolutely is what people should do,” she murmured, flopping back around him after he freed the the paw from its fabric prison (and his pants from any more catscratches). “You’ve just got the big stupid, stubborn heart to follow through with it. With literally everything you do.” 

“...Tch.” Ranmaru wrapped his arms around her then while he felt his cheeks, the tips of his ears prick with heat. “Of course you’d make it about heart. It’s not, it’s about the ways souls burn when you give ‘em the right passion and drive....” 

“Mmhmm,” she said, squeezing one last time before she released again. “Heart. It’s very rock of you.” She patted him on the back as she slipped out from his arms. “I’m gonna get myself a glass of water, you want one?”  

“...Oi. It’s not --” He sighed. “Whatever. Yeah, I’ll take one,” he replied, stretching back over the couch.

She disappeared, and ice and water clinked into glasses. Ranmaru, for a stolen moment, rested his right hand over his chest, quietly lingering at how open and warm it felt beneath all the skin, muscle, and bone. 

Even if she didn’t like the idea of it being a debt, Ranmaru swore to himself that he would’t let this sort of favor go unreturned. It was how he did things, after all. 

[looney-mooney]

Insecure Intimacy

Chapter 1/3

Badgerclops and Mao Mao each have their insecurities. But with time, patience, and passion, they will learn to love these things about themselves and eachother that most others would find repulsive. An established relationship Badgermao fic, includes art nerd Badgerclops, Adorabat with a bit more of a sense of independence (which involves learning how to be a magical hero from Camille), and Mao Mao’s personal insecurities! And uhh, since we’re using the citrus system... Orange, I guess? Will eventually be Lemon.

AO3

Mao Mao and Badgerclops had been sorta-kinda dating for a few months at this point. Their home on the hilltop reflected these changes: Mao Mao and Badgerclops had moved out of the triple-bunk bed, getting themselves a full-sized bed and setting up a room for Adorabat in the basement. Despite her enthusiasm for her caretaker’s newfound romance, Adorabat had been resistant to certain changes, especially the one with the beds. But it wasn’t long before she realized she kinda liked having her own space, especially once her caretakers had put in some extra effort to convert a portion of the basement Garage into something more personalized to their unofficial daughter: She had always used that room as a sort of refuge, after all, and it was already her favorite colors. They had relocated the triple bunk bed from their old room to the basement garage, and though the top and middle bunks remained untouched, the bottom bunk that used to be Mao Mao’s had been converted into a drafting table for drawing, making up new weapons, and (occasionally) doing homework. And the basement meant she got to have her own TV, extra couch, and they all pitched in to add beanbag chairs and extra fun carpets to the space. Adorabat liked making the room her own, liked having a space to get away from time to time, and liked having loving caretakers who really, REALLY loved each other. 

And her caretakers didn’t mind having a bit more space to themselves, either. 

It was a Tuesday night. Things tended to die down a bit on Tuesdays, usually just neighborhood disputes and no real attacks from monsters or pirates or any villains of the sort. It frustrated the everliving hell outta Mao Mao, not getting much to do. And Adorabat was spending the night at the witches house, having been curious about the process behind the creation of magical weapons and eager to be a witch’s apprentice for a few days. (Mao Mao pretended to disapprove, but Badgerclops had caught him sneaking proud looks at the pictures Badgerclops had taken earlier with his instant camera and put up on the fridge of her in her new witch’s hat, proudly holding a wand in her little wing. She was going to make a fine hero one day, that much was for sure, and she was sure to learn something useful from this experience. It was kinda sad to watch her start to gain a sense of independence and branching out in her knowledge, but at the same time, it was so incredible to watch her grow into the wonderfully unique hero she was always meant to become.)

Maybe the fact that Adorabat was seeking knowledge from another source than her number one hero was bumming Mao out a bit, too: it might have contributed to his antsiness, aside from the long, arduous day of settling disputes instead of fighting monsters. 

Badgerclops decided that maybe it would be best to check up on him, just in case. 

He found his partner in the Dojo, taking his frustrations out on a defenseless punching bag. 

Badgerclops decided to watch his partner for a moment. He really was... Beautiful, once you decided to let yourself see it. His muscles were wiry, but strong, and his fur was so dark it almost absorbed light, like the night sky before its first stars peeked through. He was fast, flexible, moved in impossible ways, his fangs flashing white against the inky darkness of his fur, eyes almost glowing that impossibly pure emerald green, his cape fluttering behind him, framing his movements like a comic book character. 

Badgerclops decided to try drawing him. It’d be impossible to get down a detailed sketch when he was like this, but it’d still make good figure drawing practice, and he was just so incredibly beautiful, it made him wonder how he never really noticed it before. 

Badgerclops popped out his sketchpad, and started doodling his love, right there in the doorway, as he went to town on the punching bag. It was impossible to reallycapture his beauty, of course, but this didn’t have to be perfect - figure drawing was all about capturing the feeling of the movement, after all. And... it was kinda nice, just sitting there, doodling that beautiful black blur of action.

After a while, Mao Mao took a small break, leaning down to grab a water bottle and downing it with big, thirsty gulps. That was when he caught Badgerclops sitting in the door jam, sketchpad and pen in hand, studying him intensely. It made him choke almost on his water in surprise.

“Uh... Hey, Badgerclops. What are you doing there?”

Badgerclops blinked himself out of it - he must have gone into hyperfocus for a while there - And smiled. “Oh, nothing, just practicing my figure drawing.”

“Wha - on ME?”

Badgerclops rolled his eyes a little, though the fond smile remained. “Yes, on you, silly! Who else would I be drawing?”

Mao Mao shuffled his feet a bit, coughing into his fist with a small, adorable little blush - whether the cough was out of bashfulness or simply to dislodge some more of the water caught in his throat was undeterminable. Probably a little bit of both.

“I don’t know, yourself? I mean, I know I’m a dashing hero and all, but I’m... not exactly much of a looker, ya know?”

Badgerclops tilted his head. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I think you’re beautiful. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Shhhhut up."

“It’s true! I mean, look at you! You’re GORGEOUS. Here, look:” He turned his sketchpad around, revealing page after page of Mao Mao studies. “I mean, it’s hard to capture your real beauty with just some lines, but you’re kinda fun to draw anyway, you know?”

Mao Mao looked at the drawings, and really, REALLY looked at them. They looked like him, but like... He couldn’t be that... elegant, could he? That fierce, or that smooth, or... it looked more like one of his sisters, really; truly heroic, with a natural deadly grace. But then again, his sisters weren’t that cocky, quite that sly, or sexy, or... wait, what?

Did Badgerclops think he was... Sexy???

Mao Mao glanced up, to see Badgerclops looking at him, a smile on his features. It made Mao Mao swallow with unexpected emotions.

“Badgerclops, these are... these are incredible.”

“Awww, shucks...”

“No no, I really mean it. Are these like, pure ink sketches, or something?”

“Yeah, I like drawing you with my brush pens! It really shows off how fluid and dynamic you can be, and makes it easier to capture how dark your fur is. These are just figure drawings though, I was just seeing if I could draw you in motion. The way you move is kinda spectacular, Mao Mao.”

And there goes his face, sacrificed to the firey hot demons of passion. Fare thee well, we shall miss you, forever concealed behind a now eternal blush. God dammit, did his partner really have to be so genuine? He wasn’t even being smooth on purpose, the bastard . 

“Yeah, well - psh. Of course I’m - uh - sp-spectacular. How... How else would I, uh... become the greatest hero of all - of all time?”

“You are really spectacular, dude. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise, okay? Cuz you’re awesome. And you’re also mine. And nobody gets to insult my boyfriend but me, and I only insult you when I’m teasing or when you’re being a dingle, so that’s okay. And you get to insult me when I’m being a butt.”

“To be fair, you do have a very nice butt.”

“Oh, stop it! Your butt’s pretty awesome too, you know.”

“No it’s not, are you kidding me? It’s all gross back there, with a disfigured tail stump and everything. It’s a hideous butt, that’s why I wear a cape, ya butt.”

“Well, I don’t know man. I mean, once I got past the fact that you had gotten that badly hurt, I realize it’s not actually all that gross back there. It’s kinda awesome, really, how intricate the scarring is back there...”

Mao Mao gasped, feeling a wandering hand on his backside, carefully tracing one of the scars on his tailstump with a delicate claw. That thing was... REALLY sensitive. Holy SHIT . He shivered, hard, and wobbled on his feet, allowing his partner’s robot arm to steady him. He felt Badgerclops lean forward, his face Juuuust nextto his twitching ear.

“You know, Adorabat’s not gonna be home for a few days. ... Why don’t we take this to our room? Spend some... quality time  together ~ ”

Holy SHIT. “O... Okay.”

Badgerclops, the fiend , scooped him up in a bridal-style carry with impossible ease, and carried him over through the kitchen and into their shared bedroom. Besides the situation with the rearranged beds, nothing much had really changed about the room. Up until this point, they hadn’t really done much other than make out and grope, though there had been that one incident with the closet...

Up next: the Closet Incident

[bramblepaws]

alright i’m gonna try to put all of my thoughts on this together into one post so i dont have to say anything else about it ever again

Mike is not abusive. Lucy is not abusive.

Now, a disclaimer: if you have been abused, and you see elements of your own abuse in their relationship, that’s valid! The point of my argument is not to tell you that your relationship wasn’t abuse. You know better than anyone else what it was.

okay! now onto the meat.

To start off: evidence that Lucy is an abuser.

Lucy repeatedly hurts Mike physically from the start of the comic up ‘til December, from kicks and slaps, to hitting him with a stick, and everything in between.

Mike feels trapped in the relationship because Lucy depends on him so heavily

Mike feels cut-off from their friends, as he believes they will side with Lucy every time.

The comic started out as a slapstick one with kids in eighth grade; everyone hit each other to start with. Mike literally punts Yashy a few times. Lucy was the only one who didn’t grow out of it -- she continues to slap Mike on occasion. It never, however, follows a cycle of abuse. Abusers generally follow a cycle when they physically abuse someone: they lead up to physical violence with threats and emotional abuse, then physically attack the other person, then cycle through apologies and excuses and manipulation to keep their victim from blaming them. Lucy is physically violent with all of her friends, and does not EVER apologize or express remorse over it. I would label it as bullying behavior rather than abusive, which is terrible in and of itself.

Mike severely over-estimates how one-sided the dependency is. Neither he nor Lucy have any other friends that match the level of closeness they have with each other. I’m going to just c/p one of my other posts for clarification;

Mike and Lucy had the exact same “most people only like me cuz im attractive, Mike/Lucy is the only one who genuinely likes me for who i am” attitude regarding their other friends.

For Lucy : Daisy viewed Lucy as a romantic rival for Mike’s affection, and was pretty neutral and detached with any interaction outside of that. Paulo was interested in getting in Lucy’s pants and didn’t interact with her outside of hitting on her aggressively. David is partially there for Paulo, and partially there to ALSO hit on her. Sue and Amaya don’t interact with her much, but there is implication that they also see her as a romantic rival for Mike’s affection.

All of this results in Lucy believing that everyone has ulterior motives for being her friend. The various random middle schoolers that crush on her and call her hot encourage this view. Mike is the only one who doesn’t fit into this pattern; they met on the pretext of (what she saw as) friendly competition and nothing else. She was the one who initiated friendship, further proving that he doesn’t have ulterior motives.

For Mike : Daisy saw Mike as a romantic interest and didn’t interact with him outside of hitting on him. Paulo saw Mike as a romantic rival for Lucy’s affections and a person to insult. David is there for Lucy and Paulo, and doesn’t really interact with Mike outside of interacting through those people. Sue and Amaya both see Mike as a romantic interest.

All of this results in Mike… most likely ALSO believing that people have ulterior motives for being his friend. He takes note of the fact that many girls are interested in dating him in “Prom Preparation” and laments that fact, as he isn’t interested in any of them. Lucy is the only one who doesn’t fit into this pattern; she established their friendship on the pretext of competition, which he enjoys (though he wishes she was less harsh about it), and zero romantic interest. She also tries to stick by him even when he’s romantically unavailable (regarding Sandy), further cementing the idea that she isn’t using him for something else.

Mike and Lucy are both VERY reliant on the other person to be their only True Friend. they both crush on each other throughout the series, but it’s understood for both of them that they aren’t going to let that get in the way of other things. they both see past the exterior of the other person – Mike sees that Lucy is sweet and fun under her “hot” & spiky exterior, and Lucy sees that Mike is sweet and fun under his “hot” & humble exterior. They relied on each other to see themselves as like… real people, rather than either something to be Won or competed with.

On another note, Mike relied just as heavily on Lucy for emotional support — she comforted him every time he was upset about Sandy, had his back during and after Confrontation, and generally set aside her teasing if it seemed like he was actually upset about something. In return he protected her from her phobia of water, defended her from the ire and desire of their friends, and gave emotional support back. Their dependency was about equal in the end, though Mike later leaned heavily on the idea that she needed him more than he needed her (and was proven wrong, as recent chapters have shown).

The above paragraphs also illustrate that BOTH of them felt cut off from friends; neither of them felt that any of their other friends were dependable for much. When it came down to it, Daisy would always side with Mike and Paulo would always side with Lucy. Lucy felt equally sure that people, aside from Paulo, would side with Mike.

The main issue here, however, is that nobody spoke up about Lucy’s physical bullying of Mike. They all grew up hitting each other for the lulz, and when they all slowly drifted to a stop she didn’t. But Mike never acted like it bothered him, never said anything against it — so I have to assume that everyone, Lucy included, just inferred that Mike didn’t mind it. Mike resented this, but he never said anything about it, because he was used to it too. It took Sandy to help him realize that he didn’t deserve to be hit — but for some reason, he bottled it up and grew resentful instead of communicating with Lucy about it. Lucy, meanwhile, has been shown to be respectful of the boundaries of other people once they’ve clearly set them. It’s my belief that she would’ve stopped hitting if he had asked her to. In an abusive relationship, that just isn’t the case. Asking an abuser to stop doing something is a surefire way to be manipulated/gaslit and then for the activity to either remain the same or increase. We can’t know for sure because Mike never asks her to stop, but there is no indication that he never says anything about it because he’s afraid of retaliation. He’s not afraid of her at all, which is another point in the favor of it not being abuse.

Another important detail: Lucy isn’t controlling. When she finds out Mike is still interacting with a girl he originally left her for, she’s genuinely happy for him and gives him space about it. She gets pissed about it later when he isn’t being honest with her or himself, but is genuinely happy when he IS honest about it because she knows Sandy is important to him. Most abusers would not handle the situation the same way. If Lucy was abusive, she would’ve most likely reacted with anger and a desire to stop communication between the two of them. She could have used third grade as a way to guilt-trip and manipulate Mike out of interacting with Sandy, who posed a threat to their relationship. But she didn’t. This doesn’t inherently make her NOT an abuser, but it’s a tick in that direction. Lucy also doesn’t influence their friends to side against Mike at all. She’s just… living her life, not really giving a shit either way WHAT her friends think about either her or Mike. Abusers are generally very concerned with how they’re viewed. They put in a lot of time and effort to make sure they seem like nice, likable people. They’re especially controlling about how their victim sees them — Lucy never really influences Mike either way other than just Being Around As His Friend. She doesn’t seem to even care about his opinion at all -- until later on in their relationship, when she opens up to outsiders how much his opinion matters to her. But even at that point… she’s not really doing anything to influence him aside from just Being Nicer, which is something a normal friend would do and isn’t manipulative at all.

Overall, Lucy just doesn’t strike me as abusive. The physical attacks and general mean-ness are absolutely bullying and toxic behavior, and the relationship between the two of them is clearly codependent and toxic. But Lucy isn’t controlling, she isn’t manipulative, she doesn’t gaslight. She isn’t hell-bent on making sure Mike thinks only the best of her while making him think of himself as complete garbage — she goes out of her way to be as honest and frank with him about herself (aside from her crush on him) as she can. She was a bad friend, but not an abusive one.

Now, on to Mike!

Evidence that Mike is an abuser.

Lucy feels incredibly dependent on their friendship

Mike was manipulative during December

Mike is being manipulative and controlling after their friendship ended

Re: dependency — see above long paragraphs about their relationship.

December was a horrible, heart-wrenching chapter. Mike had bottled up feelings and built up resentment for a LONG time leading up to this, and all of it exploded out at once in an irreversible decimation of their friendship. And that’s exactly what he wanted it to be — he was tired of her trying to be his friend, and he’d hinted at it plenty of times, but enough was enough and he had to spell it out for her. He tells her he hates her. Explains that Sandy helped him see that it wasn’t right to let Lucy hurt him all the time. And then says that he’s going to stop hanging out with her at lunch. All of this is standard horrible-friend-breakup stuff; it’s the next two bits that get the honor of making the whole event Unforgivably Bad.

Mike tells her that if he leaves, all of their other friends will probably follow him. Lucy will be left alone.

This is an absolutely horrible thing to say to someone. To tell them that no one actually likes them, they’re just tolerated. That if all the friends were forced to choose between two people, they sure wouldn’t pick Lucy! And Lucy would be abandoned, which has been her number one fear since third grade (and why wouldn’t it be? humans are social creatures and NEED friends to survive).

But this isn’t abuse. It definitely rings as something close. In fact — (this is gonna be personal for the first time in the essay just to warn u) — the person who abused ME used a similar tactic, though with a different endgame in mind. When I rejected him the first time, he forced our friends into a position where they had to choose between us. His intent was to get me to relent and date him, to stop causing strife in our mutual friend group — or, failing that, to punish me for taking away what he saw as rightfully his (aka me).

Mike’s actions were similar, but his intention was very different. He wanted her to hurt; he wanted revenge for the way he had been treated, and he wanted to make it VERY clear that he didn’t want to be friends with her. He wanted, furthermore, to prove that he wasn’t in the wrong for this: he was the victim, and other people treating Lucy like she was a bully would be validating for his own victimhood.

I genuinely don’t think he was trying to manipulate her here. He was trying to hurt her badly and was succeeding in doing so. He was being absolutely monstrous, but not abusive. His intent with this was not to control; he was lashing out to hurt someone who had hurt him, which Everyone Does. It was horrible, but not abusive. It pushed Lucy into a depression, but it wasn’t abusive. It not being abusive doesn’t make it any less fucked up IMO. It was terrible and it had terrible consequences! It just was a different beast than abuse.

After Lucy comes back, Mike is clearly consumed with guilt. All he does for her first day there is hide from her and stare guiltily at her from a distance. He tries to talk to her a couple of times, but isn’t able to catch her alone. He gets antsy about old physical violence from her and yells about it, then tries AGAIN to catch her alone so they can talk but does it in a really weird passive-aggressive manner because she’s been acting weird and he doesn’t know how to handle it, and he doesn’t really want to deal with his guilt over what he said in December. She gives him the chance to apologize, but is openly resistant to it, and he ends up completely fumbling the ball and doing just a god-awful job of apologizing, and then getting overly defensive about Sandy and completely ruining any chance he had. He starts clinging to his victim complex with everything he’s got, because suddenly he can see how much he fucked things up, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. He follows her again, because he misses her and hates her and misses Sandy and wants her to be there for him and wants her to prove that she deserved what he said to her. He’s called out for glaring at her and is Reminded Again That Sandy’s AWOL.

But most of this isn’t what people point to when they’re saying he’s abusive — this is all just him being a freak, but like, a normal freak. It’s in Witch Hunt that he flips into the extreme again. He starts ranting and raving about how obsessed Lucy is to Daisy, despite like… having just seen how much she doesn’t want male attention…… I think it’s partially because he’s used to her leaning on him when others ramp up their romantic attention for her, because he used to be the one that would just leave her alone in that regard. Plus there’s the whole messed-up-about-Sandy thing that Lucy used to swoop in and comfort him for. But I’m getting off track.

He starts ranting about how obsessed she is with him. Daisy is immediately like “I don’t think she is dude” but he relents, so she snaps at him and storms off.

From what I understand, people are reading this scene as abusive because they interpret this as him trying to control how others see Lucy. He’s ranting about a mutual friend he’s having trouble with, which he HAS done about Lucy in particular a number of times. I can definitely see where people are coming from with this one. If you look at it a certain way, it comes across as him trying to slander her name. But it could just as easily be him ranting about a person he’s having trouble with, which everyone does, all the time. I’ve ranted about a person I don’t like to people plenty of times, and it was never ABUSIVE, because all of the other requirements for abuse weren’t set into place.

This, IMO, falls under the same category as Lucy’s physical violence. It’s definitely present in abusive situations, but there are guidelines for abuse that it just doesn’t fit into. He doesn’t have control over Lucy or any of their friends in this scenario. He isn’t using this to try and isolate Lucy; he’s just trying to get his friends to see his side of the story and help him feel better about the awful way he treated her. It’s Super Shitty, but it isn’t abuse.

In summation: I get the bits and pieces that people see in their relationship that matches up with abuse, but there just isn’t enough there to label either Mike or Lucy abusive. The basic requirements for abuse haven’t been met. There are things present that can definitely happen in abusive relationships, and their relationship was absolutely toxic and bad, but it isn’t abuse.

As a final note of evidence that I fall back on every time the subject comes up: both parties have been offered up as possible abusers. Lucy has been stated by many to be possibly abusive, and Mike has been stated by just as many to be possibly abusive. But they can’t BOTH be abusive — that’s not how abuse works. They can be mutually toxic toward each other, they can both exhibit bullying behavior, but they can’t be abusing each other at the same time. Abuse only works when there is an abuser and a victim. There is always a victim, who is not at all at fault for how the relationship is! And Mike and Lucy both played their part in their relationship becoming as toxic as it is. So it literally CANNOT be abuse.

[imagine-a-killingharmony]

S/O bursting in to sing ‘All Star’ + V3 Boys

How would the V3 boys react to their s/o bursting into the room with All Star by Smash Mouth playing loudly?

(Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, cuz’ I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed-!

This entire post? Amazing. Magnificent. I swear to god. Totally, not just memes.

Uh-Huh. This is the face of a truther, a person telling the complete and total truth. I wouldn’t lie to you!

-Mod Shuichi

Kiibo

Kiibo had currently just gotten maintenance so the two of you could finally hang out together! That’s what he expected for the two of you to do anyway, he wasn’t expecting any kind of devious plot.

You said you would come over to his place, and he had been looking at his systems very refreshed with how this exchange had went down...!

Then you came waltzing in, no not waltzing... it was much more than that, you had kicked down the door singing.

“sOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME.”

Kiibo was immensely frightened, he let out a loud gasp-scream before falling from where he was sitting and somehow managing to hit his head by banging against the floor.

That had caused you to scream back at him and rush towards his side, your actions had consequences.

Kiibo laid WASTED ™ for a minute and a half, his final words about how he forgave you... and then how you must teach him that song you went all the effort through to ‘seranade’ to him.

“It’s... my final request...”

“Kiibo you... just banged your head against the floor, you aren’t going to d-“

“My final request.”

“Okay then.”

You sat at your boyfriend’s side a mental note to never do that again, never again.

Well at least for as long as you can remember.

Shuichi Saihara

Shuichi Saihara? Jumpscares literally being the death of him? Why it’s more likely than you first thought!

But not likely enough, he was just reading one of his favorite novels as he waited for you to come back downstairs.

And you did.

“some.... BODY ONCE-!”

A song that he’s sworn come out from Kokichi Ouma’s mouth at least once or twice, yes he was surprised but he looked at you with more of a curious expression than anything...

You had to sing the entire song out in front of him, by the end of it he clapped at you with the most tiny smile, that adorable tiny smile that made people weep. “That was lovely... I got to hear your performance all for myself...”

“... E-Eh? Oh... uh... y-yeah I guess!”

After that day bursting into the room with random acts of music had become more daily.

Ryoma Hoshi

Ryoma has a complete poker face, nothing can or has broken it before unless you count those rare moments that you had gotten him to flash a grin or embarrassed him enough for him to let out at least one flushed reply.

And recently he was becoming more social with everybody else, which was a miracle in your eyes it didn’t matter much to him. Or so he says.

He was just eating breakfast, he hadn’t honestly expected this kind of thing from you, at least not during breakfast.

By ‘this kind of thing’, you know I mean the door bursting down with a simple shove and your voice singing an oddly familiar song from his stay in America.

”S O M E B O D Y ONCE-“

Do you know the best part of all of this? He was stifling a laugh, yes you randomly bursting in to musical dance to introduce yourself had gotten him to stifle a laugh.

Very proud of yourself at the end of it you walked to his side offering a playful smirk.

“Heeeeey~? If singing really weird songs gets you to flash a grin I can do it some more after this.”

He covered his mouth sheepishly looking away for a second or so, before sighing.

“Guess you could, uh... it’d be nice to... hear yer’ singin’ voice again, I guess.

That small declaration had caused your heart to do loops, and you immediately hugged him declaring to the world- about you have the most adorable damn boyfriend EVER.

His nonconsistent stuttering with him asking you to let go at first was absolutely priceless, moments which you wouldn’t trade for the world.

Kaito Momota

Did you underestimate Kaito Momota? Really? Foolish mortal... he loves and supports you, with all his damn heart!

Kaito was just in the middle of studying for some stupid test he already understood- ‘well enough’, so any distraction was perfect.

So when you came in with the promise of snacks, and you truly were just there to kick down the door and sing to him...

He would applaud you throughout it, you fool. You absolute fool.

“That’s the light of my life! You go babe! Yer’ doin’ absolutely damn great, I loooooove yooou!”

“Really yer’ singing is astronomical! Really just stellar! You got this!”

By the first line of dialogue it had become awkward for you, the tables had turned, the ‘no you!’ had been dealt, and you hadn’t even had a reverse card to play at him.

How come you didn’t think this through? How could you just didn’t think this through...?

You naive fool.

You... have never felt this level of pure shame before, Kaito came up to you whistling with a handful full of compliments for your singing-voice, mostly star-themed , before kissing you- straight on the lips.

“You should sing more! Heh, I’m the luckiest guy in the universe to have you walk into my galaxy...”

Damn those space-themed pick-up lines!

Mission failed. We’ll get em’ next time.

Rantaro Amami

He wanted a sandwich, that’s it. You offered sandwiches at your place so he went since he had nothing better to do, and he truly loved hanging around with the light of his life...

...

..

.

He was eating that sandwich when you came in, after breaking down your own door for some ungodly reason. It was a good sandwich.

“sooooOOOMEBOOODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME.”

He dropped the sandwich, an accomplishment for the books was managing to surprise Rantaro Amami.

But really how could anyone not be surprised by that? Even then he kept a rather composed look on his face throughout the song, by the end of it he even clapped.

“... Aha... if... your going to sing for me, can you do it with asking me first?” He pointed at the newly-murdered sandwich which lay forgotten on the floor, it looked like a good sandwich.

“... Oh! Oh sorry, hadn’t even noticed! I’ll try to make sure the next time I sing it doesn’t include sandwich murder.”

“That’s all I ask.”

He smiles at you accepting the apology, he picks himself up to make the two of you lunch! Why... what an interesting day today is.

Gonta Gokuhara

Gonta doesn’t understand why you had called him saying to prepare for you to come into his room with... an oddly Kokichi-esque smile on your face, but Gonta has trusted you! What had he not to trust?

He was currently in front of the door, he left it open so you would have an easy time to walk in, of course.

Although... things got really confusing for Gonta when the door opened with a loud [SMACK] and you began to... say strange words to him?

“SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME-!”

“... S/O? Who told you the world was going to roll you, what does that mean? Gonta’s very confused!”

“E-Eh? Wait what?”

You stopped in your tracks, taking off some oddly fashionable sunglasses off your face for this very occasion. “Gonta I’m singing, I... nobody actually said that to me.”

“Oh! Why... Why are you suddenly singing?”

“...”

“Because...? Um... well, wait let me think of why... uh...”

“... I wanted to be spontaneous? I didn’t think we’d... stop... well... aaah...”

“...”

“Oh! Okay! You can continue, Gonta doesn’t mind.”

...

You... sang the song with a sheepish tone stuttering here and there, sometimes getting quieter as a mouse, how could anyone sing without embarrassment after that interaction after the first line of the song...?

Kokichi Ouma

Never. Ever. Sing this song in front of him, ever again. Take mental note of it, write it down, engrain it into your arm as a damn tattoo.

Just never, ever again.

You had planned to make up for the time he ran into your bedroom, after lock picking it just to sing to you. You had to get a new lock, every damn TIME.

So you had planned your revenge, while a better revenge be forcing him to pay you back for all the locks that he had used, you had planned to sing to HIM for once after breaking his door down.

...

And you did, with a loud smack reverberating across the room he seemed to be sitting in a chair turned away from you, why he didn’t react right away remaining a mystery.

So you kept going. “some...BODY ONCE TOLD ME-“

“The world was gonna roll me... I ain’t the toughest tool in the shed!” A voice other than Kokichi’s greeted you...

Nani?! You felt yourself stop, as Kokichi spun his chair around to greet you a grin wider than you had ever seen before vibrant on his features.

“... You...” You froze in horror.

He held a laptop with many stickers slapped across it right in his grubby little hands, Youtube was opened up and the video was playing in the backround, ‘All Stars’ he had predicted this but... how?! “S/O... you thought we were playing checkers did you?”

“We’re playing a game of chess, or as in just don’t keep a calendar with all your evil plans marked on it babe.”

“N... No...! NOOOO!” You lay defeated, your plan went to waste.

Kokichi’s bubbly laughter and ‘All Star’ in the distance to remind you of your failures.

While that doesn’t... actually sound bad, what was bad is the fact he actually made you pay for the broken lock he owned.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

Korekiyo Shinguuji... finds all parts of humanity from the biggest parts to the smallest parts of culture to be incredible, remarkable infact!

And he’s put a great deal of study into music as well, as most of it can be rekinded to most modern craft nowadays.

While he was putting research into more folklore he had recently discovered, you said you would be: ‘coming by UwU’ while he didn’t understand why you added the UwU something had felt unordinarily shifty.

His suspicions were confirmed when you slammed the door open by shoving into it, earning a shocked gasp from Korekiyo before you actually broke out into musical song.

[You likely know how the first line of the song goes by now, at this point right? You gotta.]

When your finished your surprised to see your boyfriend... well not really, he’s questioning why you broke down the door.

“S/O... had you wanted to sing, did you truly have to do it so unexpectably?”

And more importantly why you sang... ahem, this is completely taken from the wiki: “All Star" a song by American rock band Smash Mouth. It was released on May 4, 1999, as the second single from their album Astro Lounge and it is one of the group's most successful songs, peaking at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100.”

Interesting facts of the day! He’s glad you didn’t break down his lock...

...

Yeah, he’s probably the only one who would actually mind if you came running in singing to him. Humanity is an odd yet fascinating thing...

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 5.6

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time, in the last of early chapter 5 before the plot kicks in, Kaito began preparing his grand plan to save everyone else which is definitely all his plan despite the fact that he has no idea what he’s doing and really should be letting other people help, Himiko’s final FTE continued to be a wonderfully convenient metaphor to establish that Kaito is mostly doing this in a misguided attempt to prove himself and make things up to Shuichi, and Maki had some strange ideas about the best way for Shuichi to stop her from needing to be an assassin, because even in her final FTE she still doesn’t think her own feelings count for anything.

Now, it’s nighttime, which means time to put Kaito’s plan into action! …Maybe.

Shuichi:  (Monokuma… isn’t here? What *was* that…?) “…Is the plan compromised?”

He’s talking about the nighttime announcement, and it is kind of interesting that Monokuma isn’t there. He doesn’t show up for the entirety of this whole thing which is about to go down. Which could just be because he knows Kokichi is about to do something and doesn’t want to get in the way of it… but it could also be because Kokichi doesn’t want him to get in the way and did the same thing he’s going to do later and surrounded him with a guard of Exisals so he can’t move. The only issue with that possibility is that Kokichi later brings all five Exisals with him to the end of the tunnel, which means he would have to give up guarding Monokuma at that point, but, maybe?

Shuichi is also being a little naive to be surprised that the plan might be compromised. It should be pretty obvious that their plan wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by Monokuma… but apparently Shuichi still hasn’t quite consciously considered the fact that Monokuma must have some way of monitoring them.

Shuichi bumps into Tsumugi on the way to the gym, and she points out that Keebo has upgrades in his lab that he could be using to help us fight.

Shuichi:  “That’s true, but… Keebo said that he doesn’t want anything too ‘sci-fi’, so…”

That’s not a remotely decent excuse for not using all the strength he possibly can to save everybody’s lives, Shuichi, come on! You’re supposed to be smarter than this.

Tsumugi:  “But in this situation, maybe he should just get over that already…”

Yeah, maybe he should. Aren’t you just glad he isn’t. I would not be surprised if she made an effort to write him to have such a big thing about this so that it’d override his desire to do whatever he can to help everyone. (But even then, I’m still calling flimsy out-universe writing here as well.)

Tsumugi:  “Well, we shouldn’t force him to do anything.”

Yes, we should! But of course you wouldn’t want to do that.

Kaito has finished his pile of weapons! On the one hand, some props to him for apparently having chosen mostly large, heavy weapons that’d probably do a good job of crushing a small robot bear. On the other hand, I’m not sure how he’s expecting anyone other than Maki to be able to wield such weapons effectively, since everyone else here (very much including himself by this point) is not very physically strong.

(It apparently took him all day to prepare this pile. But there’s only maybe like ten or twenty weapons here, which should in theory only take about four or five trips carrying a handful of them each time. If it took him all day anyway, that implies he took more trips to do that with breaks in between, perhaps even only carrying one weapon at a time. Which was either an attempt to make his efforts look Very Busy And Important when he actually really wasn’t doing all that much, or it’s because he’s just too weak by now to physically carry more than one heavy weapon at a time and had to pace himself like that.)

Shuichi:  “A-Are those weapons…?”

Keep up, Shuichi. Kaito’s plan is not complicated.

Kaito:  “You guys better be ready!”

Tsumugi:  “Ah… you don’t mean ready to die, right?”

Ouch. I don’t think the fact that Tsumugi is the mastermind is relevant here, but still, she has kind of a point. If the mastermind really didn’t want them to win this fight, then they could have created countless spares of Monokuma to fight them, something Kaito should be perfectly aware of. This is a pretty similar situation to Kaito’s “strategy meeting” back in chapter 1 – this time he’s doing slightly better because at least they’ve got weapons, but they still don’t have the faintest semblance of a strategy, and they’re still hypothetically facing hundreds of Monokumas hellbent on ripping them to shreds for breaking the rules and being in the gym at night. Kaito could very well be about to get all of his friends killed as far as he knows, and that risk has got to be nagging at him.

Kaito:  “What? No! I mean ready to fight and win, obviously!”

But of course, everything is totally fine and definitely about to go perfectly! His plan is great, and he knows exactly what he’s doing!

Kaito:  “We challenged him a bunch of times, but it never worked out, right? That’s because… we gave up.”

Apart from the part where nobody really challenged Monokuma at all past chapter 1, Kaito’s right. They definitely could have kept trying to fight him, but nobody was brave enough to take the risk of getting killed for it when it seemed safer to just stand back and hope another killing wouldn’t happen.

Kaito:  “But this time we can’t give up! Cuz this is our final chance!”

Well, it’s at least somebody’s final chance, isn’t it now, Kaito.

If everyone else knew that, then they’d fight even harder. If everyone else had known that earlier, then they would have done this earlier rather than just sitting around, and maybe Kaito would have stood a chance of getting to a hospital in time to survive. Reminder that Kaito’s wonderful idiotic selflessness and determination to hide his suffering from everyone is the reason he dies. Kaito himself is the one who gets closer than anyone else ever does to pointing that out here.

Kokichi:  “What a coinkydink – I was planning on ending this killing game, too.”

Hi, Kokichi. It was really refreshing barely having to talk about you for five whole parts, but here we go again. No, you’re not planning on ending the killing game, or you’d have already done it last chapter, just like everyone else would have done if they’d known Kaito was dying.

Kaito:  “You little—! What are you—!”

It’s pretty interesting that Kaito responds with the most anger, since we established a few parts ago that he’s not especially angry at Kokichi anymore over Gonta, and that he’s the one person who can partly see through him and isn’t quite buying the evil sadist thing. So I wonder if Kaito’s anger here is less about that and more about the fact that Kokichi is butting in with his bullshit now, just when Kaito was about to start his Brilliant Plan to save everyone that Kokichi is probably about to throw a huge wrench in. After all, Kokichi is also the one who can see through Kaito the most and knows that he’s a lot more pathetic and useless than he’s managed to convince the others he is, right?

Kokichi shows everyone what is totally a real bomb and is totally going to kill all of them except for whichever person volunteers to survive with him at the expense of their friends.

Kokichi:  “It’s first come, first serve! On the count of three, first one to raise their hand wins!”

Which is an interesting threat that’s kind of a parallel to the killing game itself – someone might volunteer not because they want to let everybody else get killed but because they’re afraid that someone else will do so first and they just want to protect themselves from that. This is, after all, exactly why Miu attempted murder.

Kaito:  “Q-Quit screwing around! Who’d ever agree to that plan!?”

Kaito looks strained and nervous as he says this, suggesting that even after everything they’ve been through and how much he believes in everyone, he’s still slightly afraid that a situation like this might push someone into betraying their friends for their own survival.

Keebo:  “Even if you threaten to destroy me, I have no intention of being manipulated by you.”

Himiko:  “I-I’m scared of dying… But nothing good will come from surviving with you.”

Tsumugi:  “I also… don’t want to survive with someone who’d do such a thing to Gonta.”

Maki:  “I’d rather kill you.”

Everybody’s refusals are less along the lines of not wanting to save themselves at the expense of their friends and more along the lines of not wanting to be stuck alone with someone as awful as Kokichi has painted himself to be. Good job there, Kokichi.

Kokichi:  “Wooow, what a surprise, I didn’t think this would go *exactly* as I predicted.”

Shuichi:  “…What?”

Kokichi:  “Ah-haha, I lied about killing everyone! I just wanted to test your determination!”

So, Kokichi was actually doing this whole thing in order to prove that nobody remaining would selfishly betray the others for their own survival, so that he can be sure they’ll all work together. But if this was really what he’d predicted, he shouldn’t have needed to test them at all. Kokichi probably figured it was at least somewhat likely that everyone was genuinely as co-operative as they’re claiming to be – but, of course, this is Kokichi, who’s incapable of fully trusting anyone and convinced that people will always betray each other. Anyone else wouldn’t have needed to test it and would just believe in the group’s desire to co-operate, but Kokichi needed to have concrete proof to be able to be sure of it.

Kaito:  “Determined enough to end the killing game? I never thought I’d hear you saying that!”

Come on, Kaito, you’re the one person here who must have figured that was at least slightly possible. I guess he’s more saying that he never expected that any more, after the end of Gonta’s trial in which Kokichi completely noped out of ever acknowledging how he’s really feeling or acting on that.

Shuichi:  (The weapons that Kaito brought. …I can’t imagine *these* are the Ultimate Anti-Monokuma Weapons.)

Shuichi is, again, having very little faith in Kaito’s plan. I love how starkly this points out that Kaito’s plan is kind of pathetic and was probably never going to work.

Shuichi:  “Are you talking about the hammers?”

Kaito:  “Cut it out! There’s no reason to listen to him, guys!”

It’s notable that Kaito is currently the one most adamant about shooting Kokichi down entirely. Now that he’s no longer threatening to kill everyone, and since Monokuma still hasn’t appeared and started attacking, there’s no reason to not at least hear him out and try to figure out what the hell he’s up to. But apparently Kaito doesn’t want that, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that Kokichi has started to introduce his own “fight Monokuma” plan that already looks like a much better version of that plan than Kaito’s.

Also note the “guys”, because Kaito’s totally addressing the group in general and not Shuichi in particular. He must hate that Shuichi is realising Kokichi’s plan is better than his. (And it is specifically Shuichi, because everyone else’s comments during the free-action bit where you’re meant to examine the hammers are nothing but hostility towards Kokichi.)

Kaito:  “Is that really something Miu made? Aren’t you lying about that, too?”

Kokichi:  “Huuuh? You’re gonna doubt that, too?”

Tsumugi:  “Of course… have you forgotten everything you’ve done to us up till now?”

Observe one of the problems of being Kokichi and then having a plan that involves getting people to believe some of the few actually-true claims you’re making. Boy who cried wolf, and all that.

Himiko:  “Yeah! If there were weapons to fight against Monokuma, we should’ve all fought together!”

Yep! We sure should have done! And there are still some weapons we have that we aren’t using, Keebo.

Kokichi:  “…This is all your fault.”

Oh my god, Kokichi, you and your goddamn deflection.

Miu:  “It doesn’t matter if we promise to work together… Someone will still betray us. Betray us and… kill one of us…”

Miu is continuing to be a more noticeably interesting character after she’s dead than she ever was while she was alive. She genuinely was that paranoid and convinced of this, which is why she tried to do the exact thing she was afraid someone would do to her.

Miu:  “And… I can’t afford to die here, anyway…”

The biggest difference between Miu and Kokichi is that Miu is not sensible enough to realise that if she tries to escape by becoming blackened, she will almost inevitably end up dead. She saw committing murder as her greatest chance of survival, even though she really should have seen it as the opposite. This game is designed so that the blackened always loses, and Kokichi understood that from the beginning.

Miu:  “S-So… if you wanna defy Monokuma, do it yourself. But, if it does work out… come help me, okay?”

Miu is also selfish enough to have the gall to want to benefit from everyone else’s co-operation and bravery even though she’s too much of a coward to take part in it herself. Still, if everyone else had actually pulled off an escape attempt back in chapter 4, they would have come back and rescued Miu as well, because they’re all good people like that.

Kokichi:  “She was afraid to… trust you guys.”

And that’s their fault how, Kokichi? Everyone except you and Miu herself were perfectly trustworthy. This is him deflecting his own trust issues onto Miu (because she had exactly the same kind of issues) and then blaming everyone else for those issues because obviously nobody is ever deserving of trust and it couldn’t possibly be his fault for not having the courage to trust people who actually do deserve it, right?

Kokichi:  “The fear of betrayal overcame her. That’s why… she bloodied her hands in this killing game.”

Kokichi is definitely only talking about Miu and not himself, of course. Definitely.

We’ve gone right back to business as usual with Kokichi deflecting everything so completely that it seems as if nothing is bothering him at all, without any of the fun tiny hints at his actual guilt and pain that there were back at the end of trial 4. The part of Kokichi that felt guilty over killing Miu and Gonta has been forcibly buried deep down inside him and we’re not going to hear another peep from it ever again.

Kaito:  “That idiot…”

I enjoy this little moment of Kaito realising that Miu was just messed up and scared and too weak to trust anybody, and that things could very easily have been different if she’d been stronger.

(It’s probably deliberate on an in-universe writing level that Miu was this much of a coward. If you’re going to have someone whose talent can make incredible inventions that can fight back against the robots overseeing this killing game, you’ve got to nerf that talent somehow, and what better way than making it belong to somebody who’s too afraid and too selfish to actually use it in that way?)

(Kokichi’s talent, which is also extremely well-suited for dismantling the killing game, has been nerfed in a very similar way.)

But all of Kokichi’s deflection onto the topic of why Miu didn’t use the Electrohammers and work together with them has done a great job of distracting everyone from the question of why Kokichi also didn’t use the Electrohammers to fight Monokuma back in chapter 4. It’s a little frustrating that nobody calls him out on that. That’s supposedly why he got her to make them! He was just recounting his conversation with her where he claimed that’s what he was trying to do!

And the reason Kokichi didn’t use them is not remotely the same as Miu’s. Kokichi may have just as much trouble as she did believing that nobody will betray anyone, but as he’s just shown us, he has a method to prove to himself that that won’t happen. He could have done the whole fake bomb threat gambit back in chapter 4, if what he really wanted was to work together with everyone but was afraid of betrayal!

Kaito:  “Quit screwing around! What are you saying!? You probably just lied about talking to Miu—”

I dunno, Kaito, those hammers definitely look like Miu’s aesthetic, and if he didn’t get them from her, where did he get them from? I don’t think Kaito can truly believe Kokichi is lying about this part and is probably still just frustrated by the fact that this is a way better plan than his.

Kokichi:  “It jams electronic signals by scattering particles that interfere with electromagnetic waves. For two hours, any and all electronic devices within 50 yards will be completely disabled.”

The first sentence of this is accurate. The second sentence is misleading – Electrobombs do not disable all devices, just any function requiring a wireless signal. I’ve seen a lot of first-time players get confused during the case about what an Electrobomb can do because of this second line. It’s apparently a localisation goof… which has a lot less excuse than they sometimes do, because the line they messed up was literally one sentence after a line that described it correctly!

Kokichi:  “You can use these Electrohammers not only against Monokuma… but also to get through that underground tunnel.”

Aaaand that’s the real reason Kokichi had Miu make the hammers. Of course he doesn’t want everyone to fight Monokuma with them; if they did that then they might end up managing to escape this killing game before he’s managed to win it!

Also, consider the fact that Kokichi had Miu make exactly six Electrohammers. If Miu thought he was planning to band together with everyone except her to fight back, wouldn’t she have expected him to need eight? It sure is a testament to Miu’s specific brand of stupidity that she did not question that and figure out that apparently Kokichi was planning for two more people to be dead before he got around to using these.

(Plus, the fact that there’s only six proves that getting Miu and Gonta killed was always intended as just the first step of this plan. If Kokichi had been genuinely attempting the mercy kill while also having had Miu make six Electrohammers, it means he was consciously aware of the possibility that the mercy kill might fail and was cool with that potentially happening, since he had a backup plan for if it did – a backup plan which would result in the exact opposite of what the mercy kill was trying to do. Which sure sounds like the most incredibly half-assed mercy kill attempt in the world.)

Kokichi:  “I’ll let you guys talk it over. I won’t interfere anymore either.”

Kokichi’s got his sly grin for this line, which makes me think he has a pretty good idea how their discussion of this is going to go – meaning, he’s got a pretty good idea of what’s been going on in Kaito’s head lately. (Which makes sense, since at this point he’s almost certainly already decided to use Kaito as his accomplice. This might be something of a test run for that, in fact.)

Shuichi stops him before he leaves and asks what the deal is with the message in the courtyard.

Kokichi:  “But I wouldn’t gain anything from writing a message like that, would I? That would just make you guys suspect I’m the mastermind.”

I’m… honestly not sure what the hell his game plan is with this claim. I’m not convinced he even has one. He absolutely did write the message to try and make people suspect he’s the mastermind. But saying this about it is just going to make people more likely to think it’s exactly the ridiculous red herring that it is.

Maki interrupts his nonsense by grabbing him by the throat.

Maki:  “Tell us the truth. What are you scheming?”

She’s making a pretty good excuse for why she’s doing this, considering that threatening him for information isn’t the real reason she grabbed him and she’s actually using it as a distraction to pickpocket an Electrobomb.

Kaito:  “Maki Roll, cut it out! You’ll get killed if you don’t! I told you we can’t play this killing game! That’s just what Monokuma wants!”

I love how scared Kaito’s voice sounds here. He has no idea that Maki isn’t even really threatening Kokichi, so he’s genuinely afraid she might lose control and actually go through with her threat.

Kokichi:  “Y-You guys may not think that way, but I… see all of you as my friends…”

If that’s actually true, then you have a very fucked-up definition of the word “friend”. People you bully and lie to and manipulate and sometimes even kill for your own selfish gain? Yep, sure sounds like the most beautiful of friendships.

(Reminder that Gonta was the closest thing to an actual genuine friend Kokichi had and he repaid that with manipulation and murder.)

Kokichi finally does go away, leaving everyone else to discuss things.

Tsumugi:  “They’ve gotta be booby trapped somehow…”

Himiko:  “But looking at it, it definitely seems like something Miu made.”

Maki:  “Either way, I refuse to believe anything he says.”

Kaito:  “…”

Everyone is very sceptical… with the sudden exception of Kaito, despite the fact that he was the most vocally sceptical while Kokichi was explaining things.

Kaito:  “But, y’know… if it’s not a lie, then isn’t this our one chance to escape!?”

Kaito never mentions his own plan again from this point on, but the fact that he calls Kokichi’s plan their “one” chance says it all. He knew the whole time that his own plan was completely terrible. He knows that, assuming Kokichi isn’t lying, this plan is far, far better than his. This is their chance to escape. His own plan never was. He didn’t want to admit that while Kokichi was there, but now that they have to make a choice, now that everyone else’s lives and their potential escape depend on which choice they make, he has to accept it.

Kaito:  “If we use these Electrohammers, maybe we can get through the underground passage… So why don’t we try it?”

You thought I was done with this after trial 4, but: look at this face Kaito is making. He looks like forcing himself to accept this is practically causing him immense physical pain. He absolutely hates admitting to himself that he has no idea what he’s doing and that his own ideas can’t save anyone at all, not to mention trusting Kokichi after what he did to Gonta – but he’s doing it all the same.

(To be fair, he probably is actually in a lot of physical pain right now like he always is, but this isn’t about that. He had an almost identical sprite to this at the end of trial 4, but in that one, his face was half-blue from illness. They made a separate, less-illness-related version of that sprite solely for this moment because this is about emotional rather than physical pain. They knew how important this moment was.)

Kaito:  “Our goal is to escape with everyone, right? If there’s a chance we can do it, then we should take it.”

Kaito’s saying this less to the others and more to himself. He’s been fixated on showing that he can come up with a great plan and he can be the one to save everyone, all so that he can prove himself and make things up to Shuichi. This is him finally telling himself that that never should have been the point. All that matters is that they escape. All that matters is that they take the best chance that they have. Whether the plan that lets them do that was conceived by him, by one of his friends, or even by Kokichi, it doesn’t matter. Whether Kaito gets to be the hero or not isn’t important.

Up until now in this chapter, Kaito has been obsessed with looking like a hero to the detriment of the actual plan. He seemed like he was going to sacrifice the effectiveness of the plan and risk everybody’s lives for the sake of his own pride, but with the moment actually here, with the potential consequences of him doing so staring him in the face, he can’t do it. He never would – that would be putting himself and his own desires above everyone else, and he is too selfless at his core to ever do that.

By doing this, even if he doesn’t realise it, Kaito is actually being a hero. He’s making compromises and forcing himself to acknowledge his inadequacies so that he can choose the path that’s genuinely the most likely to save everyone. This is such a seemingly innocuous moment on the surface, but it’s a huge turning point in Kaito’s character arc. He is so, so good.

Kaito:  “We don’t… have enough time…”

I love that Kaito is desperate enough here that this slips out of him. If he wasn’t running out of time like this, I’m not sure he’d have been willing to make the compromise he just did. Any small contribution towards helping his friends escape is infinitely better than never getting to help at all.

But the localisation of this line could be a tiny bit better. Kaito obviously doesn’t mean “we”, and since he said this without having really meant to, he wouldn’t have consciously used the wrong subject to mislead everyone. In Japanese, his true meaning is kept ambiguous to the others by the line simply being, “There’s not enough time” – but that line would work fine in English too!

Maki:  “…Time?”

Kaito:  “Y-Yeah… with Monokuma. Like, he’s gonna get in our way soon.”

Yes, Kaito, that is definitely what you meant by that.

Kaito:  “So let’s try the underground passage with these hammers. We’ll get to the outside world!”

And now Kaito’s managed to push aside his conflictedness and pain at admitting his own inadequacies and is back to being his usual motivational self. He may hate that this is Kokichi’s plan and not his, but that’s not going to stop him from giving it his all anyway! Kaito is such a good hero, whether he believes it himself or not.

Maki:  “If that hammer is a trap, then I’ll really kill that assh—”

Kaito:  “You can’t kill him. Just punch him.”

I love the way Kaito sees this. He understands that Maki would have every reason to be angry and to want to let Kokichi feel that anger – he just won’t let her do it in a way that would have awful, irreversible consequences. Of course, since Kaito was the first to take the risk of trusting him here, Kaito would be the first in line to punch Kokichi if things did turn out that way. (Which is… kind of actually what happens, in fact.)

Kaito:  “Alright! Let’s get going! We’re gonna escape from that underground passage for sure this time!”

Shuichi:  (Kaito gave a triumphant shout, and we all grabbed our Electrohammers.)

Kaito is so good at rallying everyone together! This is where Kaito excels – not at coming up with plans, but at getting everyone to have confidence and believe that whatever they’re about to try is going to succeed.

Shuichi:  (We left the gym in high spirits.)

All thanks to Kaito! If it were someone else who’d decided to risk trusting Kokichi and try this plan, everyone would still be super nervous about if it was going to work or not. But because of Kaito’s encouragement, nobody is anywhere near as worried. Even though this isn’t his plan, Kaito is still instrumental in helping everyone carry it out, just by being himself.

And the fact that he knows (or at least hopes) he can still make a difference in this way is probably why Kaito avoided actually mentioning the fact that his own plan was terrible and he had no idea what he was doing – because if he did that, then everyone would lose all their faith in him, and how would he be able to inspire them like that?

As they head to the underground passage, Keebo is lingering behind and wants Shuichi to use the Electrohammer on him.

Keebo:  “Wh-Why, of course I’m curious! The outcome will settle once and for all how Miu perceived me.”

This makes a lot more sense for him to want to do than testing the hydraulic press. That was obviously never going to have an exception for him built in. But, since they were built by Miu, the Electrohammers might – if Miu cared about him and saw him as a person enough to think to add in an exception. I can understand why Keebo would be invested in finding that out (even though I feel that the answer would probably be no). Unfortunately, now is still not a very appropriate time to do that test.

Shuichi:  “Besides, it’s supposed to use a lot of energy, we shouldn’t waste it.”

This isn’t even the biggest issue. The bigger problem is that if it does work on Keebo then it’ll probably knock him unconscious, which would be incredibly inconvenient when we’re all about to head through the tunnel. We can test it after we get out of here, okay, Keebo? (Which isn’t going to happen, but.)

Down in front of the tunnel, people are still kind of nervous, but…

Kaito:  “Heh, there’s no need to worry! Of course it’s gonna be a little dangerous, but… We’ve got all these Ultimates here! If we all work together, everything will be all right!”

This is almost the same thing Kaede said in this exact situation four chapters ago! And I’m sure Kaito knows that he’s calling back to her words here. Kaito himself has never really mentioned or seemed to put that much stock in the fact that they’re Ultimates (because anyone can be extraordinary whether they have a recognised talent or not), but Kaede did that all the time, so Kaito doing so here is almost certainly on purpose. Kaito and Kaede are both so good and I love them and the parallels between them so much.

Shuichi:  “…Those words…”

Kaito: ��“Yeah… we can finally fulfil Kaede’s wish.”

Kaito looked Shuichi in the eye to say this! He still isn’t quite ready to do that yet for normal purposes (which we’ll see in a second), but he’s doing it to say this because this isn’t about him and his own issues and is entirely about honouring Kaede and her wish. Apparently he got so caught up in that that he temporarily forgot about his own reasons for not being able to face Shuichi.

Kaito:  “Our promise to work together to get out of here… and become friends…”

God, Kaito. He is saying this while knowing full well that he cannot keep that promise to stay friends with everyone once they’re out of here because he’s going to die. But at least everyone else will continue to be friends without him, and that’s all that matters any more.

You’re left with the option to talk to everyone once more before heading through the tunnel. Most of them have something fairly optimistic to say, but Kaito… still isn’t looking Shuichi in the eye. Not when it’s about himself. To anyone else, he’d have words of encouragement like he’s been giving since he decided on this plan, but he still can’t face Shuichi in that way. (Because Shuichi’d just see straight through it and know that he’s faking, especially after he could obviously tell how bad Kaito’s own plan was, right?)

Kaito:  “We don’t have time to talk… Let’s go.”

Even so, he doesn’t completely ignore Shuichi either. If he really just didn’t want to talk to him at all, he’d brush off Shuichi’s approach and say nothing like he’s been doing most times (and this isn’t his evasive face here; it’s his pained face). So this actually means a lot, because it implies that Kaito does want to talk to Shuichi, just not quite yet, not until after they do this. As if, once they get through the tunnel and escape from this place, he’ll finally be ready to talk about what happened in Gonta’s trial and apologise. As if, so long as this plan works, that’ll be enough for him to make it up to Shuichi and be worthy of looking him in the eye again. Even though he just had to accept that his own plans are terrible, Kaito’s still hoping that by making the right call in trusting Kokichi and by encouraging everyone to push forward with this plan instead, that’ll make him just enough of a hero all the same.

This is enough, Kaito. At least, it would be if you actually needed to prove yourself to Shuichi in order to make things up to him in the first place, which you never did, you moron.

Shuichi:  (With the hammer that Miu invented… I know we can do it. …I have to believe that. I kept repeating that to myself as I stepped into the tunnel.)

Shuichi does not sound convinced that this is going to work out. I doubt anyone is, really (not even Kaito) – but it’s thanks to Kaito that they can tell themselves it will and have the confidence to give it their all regardless.

So, more Death Road of Despair time! It is possible to get characters eliminated and yet still make it to the end so long as you have at least one character remaining, which doesn’t seem in line with canon. Obviously all six of them do make it to the end, and obviously they’d refuse to go on as soon as one of them was eliminated so as to not leave anyone behind, since they think they’re all about to escape.

Also please consider that if Shuichi were to get himself caught in a trap, it would definitely be Kaito who’d be the first to recklessly throw himself into danger to try and save him. Kaito has not stopped caring about Shuichi one bit, after all. This would be much to the surprise of a Shuichi who’s still assuming Kaito is angry at him, and would maybe result in Shuichi being a little more bold about trying to talk to him. And saving Shuichi from something like this would incidentally help prove Kaito to be a hero (not that I think that notion would consciously be on his mind in the heat of the moment when Shuichi is in danger), which might also make Kaito more willing to respond. Can you tell I have thought way too much about hypothetical situations that would get these two to realise they’re being idiots about this.

Anyway, in reality probably none of that actually happens, because this version of the minigame is laughably easy if you just keep pressing the win button. Which is fair enough, because not everyone who plays a visual novel is going to be any good at platformers, and it would be a dick move to have anything vaguely resembling an actual platforming challenge impede progress with the story.

…One downside to mashing the Electrohammer button constantly is that the noise the hammers make is very loud and annoying when repeated over and over. But needs must.

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[Next post]

[middleagedangst]

A Penny for your Health?

You see it sitting there, on the countertop positioned conveniently next to the change dispenser. You sometimes reach your hand in and take from it because you’re lazy or selfish. Other times, you’ll empty your hand into it simply because it’s harder to open your pack of Marlboro Lights while carrying out your six-pack of Busch Light with change in your hand. I get it. No judgment here. What is this well of human generosity? The penny tray. Seen in all 50 states in nearly every gas station convenience store. The very idea of it is pretty great. Take a penny, leave a penny. Fucking genius. I mean why not drop a few cents in there anyway? It’s like a pay-it-forward savings account. It’s a way to be a good person while putting in the least amount of actual effort, an important quality of our American social contract. Besides, isn’t it better to help out your fellow man than to totally forget you even have that extra change until you either find it under the couch cushion next to a Dorito of questionable age or even months later in the pocket of last winter’s coat? Shit, it’s only a penny unless you’re one of those really rich motherfuckers that leave something bigger than a nickel.

I can’t remember a time that these trays didn’t exist, and I’m older than the SyFy channel and the original NES. As far as I’m concerned, the penny tray is a part of America, like NASCAR and cheating on your taxes. And the funny thing about it is anyone can use it, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, place in the economic strata, whatever gender pronoun you are, etc., without so much as an utterance of disdain or unfairness. It’s true. Never once have I seen protest from the skinheads, or the Black Panthers, Westbrook Baptists, the anti-war hippies, the ACLU, not even fucking Scientology. Nobody gives a flying rat’s ass that these things exist. So why the fuck can’t we have this same outlook on other things that might actually be of some use for the nation as a whole? Like, say, healthcare.

Healthcare coverage in the U.S. is pretty fucked up when you think about it. People usually get the best options through their employer, but just like friends with benefits, it starts out great but sooner or later it comes with some strings attached. For one, employers don’t have to offer group rates, or even offer coverage to employees working part-time or doing contract work. Even then if you do get coverage through your employer and you have a pre-existing condition, like diabetes, then the insurance company can tell you to get bent and deny service. Even better, when you do have insurance but they conveniently deny paying for treatment because something is out of network, or not covered by your plan as stated in the fine print that nobody reads. And don’t get me started on dental insurance. The people that usually need it the most, the poor and the elderly on fixed incomes, have trouble affording it and oftentimes rely on cut-rate plans or Medicaid (which has plenty of its own faults). On top of all this, private insurance doesn’t do a damn thing when it comes to controlling costs, because why can’t the medical and pharmaceutical industries rake in a fuck-ton of money from a chemically dependent consumer base that’s getting bent over and prison raped from a lack of options. It’s an awful lot like a strong arm robbery just for the privilege to get treated when you think about it. That’s capitalism’s influence for you. Anything else is unAmerican and downright evil, right?

There has been a lot of debate on what we can do as a nation and body politic that can help millions get healthcare that isn’t frustratingly shitty and increasingly expensive. For starters, some believe we should just leave the shit as it is and not change anything. Let the free markets reign supreme and the weak will die off leaving a healthy race of super citizens. Under this solution, you are free to choose the insurance company you want to pay your ransom to and they handle the rest. The companies dictate how much you pay and how much they pay or if they pay for any service or medication. Have you ever tried to negotiate what you actually get for your money? No? Didn’t think so. This solution is American as fuck so the argument should stop here, but what fun would that be just listening to one option and calling it a day. That’s like watching the same news channel all day.

Another solution is a more socialist approach in which you pass a law that levies a tax on all Americans earning income and then whatever government bureaucracy is in charge of the money pays out benefits to all Americans. The will of the people can then, through representation, effectively bargain for better prices and more expansive coverage because at that point our tax money is the only game in town. See, I know that’s not the American way, that’s the way of the rest of the civilized world’s way and how can the United States be special if we do the same shit the rest of the developed world does? We can't, and that’s why that commie shit isn’t welcome here.

Now I dare ask the question, what’s the fucking difference? Really. What is it? Because as far as I can tell, both possible solutions are the fucking same. You pay money into a big pot, where there are people hired or appointed into positions that control the money and payouts are dispersed on an as needed basis. When you get a bill from a hospital or doctor’s office and you only owe a fraction of the total, where do you think that money comes from? It sure as hell isn’t all the money you paid the company because that would be more like a rainy day savings account. No, other people paid their monthly bill allowing more money to be used for you. Everyone paying money to the insurance company helped you pay that bill. And just like the tray at the gas station, you’re okay with that. Sometimes, the insurance company doesn’t want to pay that much. Maybe it was an unhealthy month and there were a lot of claims, or the board didn’t think you were worth saving. Who knows. Either way, your bill was subsidized by your fellow policyholders. So to everyone that likes to say that they don’t want to pay for someone else’s healthcare “cuz, this is Amurica, and that’s commeynism,”- shut the fuck up because if you have insurance or pay taxes, you already do.

Can someone explain to me how buying healthcare coverage is different than paying a tax for the exact same or possibly even better outcome? Is the fact that you voluntarily pay money to a business for a servi™ce mean that you are freer? I can’t wrap my mind around how just because it's a business doesn’t mean the concept isn't a socialist idea. It just is.

Maybe there is a difference. Perhaps that difference is that a private corporation operates with profit in mind. These entities, especially in this day and age with boards of directors and publicly traded stock have more incentives to make money, meaning higher prices and fewer expenditures. Now, I’ll grant you that the government can be real fucking dumb, but these corporations are profiting on your desire to not be fucking sick while maintaining the right to deny coverage for any reason. Pre-existing condition? Fuck you, you’re a high priced liability. Cancer? We’ll pay some but you’re still getting stuck with a bill you most likely can’t afford. Want to see a healthcare provider that’s out of network? Fuck you too. These insurance companies can be real fucking assholes sometimes. In my opinion, by supporting this system, you give a tacit agreement to this shit continuing. So you’re an asshole too. Sorry. Guilt by association.

I’m not saying government-funded healthcare is perfect. Far from it. Especially with the current government we have. They’ve lost money before and most likely will again. They’ve borrowed from social security. They’ve been openly corrupt. I get it. We shouldn’t really trust these motherfuckers with much, but it could be better than what we have now. The people united and holding those in power accountable through elections and protests. It is, after all, the job of the government to work for the people, for their betterment and safety, to regulate commerce between the states, and to work towards a common goal. All of those things government tax-funded healthcare can provide. Remember finishing the pledge of allegiance with “liberty and justice for all?” Think about the liberty you’d have not having to worry about the cost of being sick and the justice knowing that your fellow American chips in to help his neighbor because it is the morally correct and just thing to do. It still falls short of utopian but at least it's a step in the right direction. Do I think everything should be covered under the people’s insurance? No. I don’t. Sorry, but your penile implant will just have to wait until you can pay cash.

The health of the people shouldn’t be a for-profit industry. It belongs outside the realm of normal capitalist behavior. Healthcare is something that benefits us all. And the healthier the nation is, the more productive, the happier, and better off we can all be. Right now, the healthy are the ones who can afford it. Is that right? Depends on who you ask. Is it just? Not in what should be a united, civilized people. How can us Americans sit by and watch our fellow citizens fall sick, stay sick, and possibly die and not think that the system has failed somehow? It’s morally bankrupt. Also never forget that we as a nation pay more per person on average than many of the other countries with socialized medicine. So even at the very least, socialized medicine can save you a buck or two. And who doesn’t like to save money? It’s certainly less time consuming than clipping fucking coupons.

So just like the little penny tray, a new system of healthcare can be a benefit to everyone, not just those that can afford it already. You put in a little and other times take what you need without questions. It’s there when you need it and can make your day just that much easier. Let’s, as Americans, make the tray just a bit bigger and make things a little better for everyone. You’re already doing it and just didn’t realize it, comrade.

[rarestereocats]

recap of thursday’s session of the crusades campaign!

Our desert adventure continues with us learning of a small village a little ways out from the city celebrating a Festival of Whispers.  It's a celebration of the solstice as well as the old gods,  so with the suggestion of a little sight-seeing,  we decide to go check it out.  On the way,  Elathera has a thanks me for helping her start to overcome her fear of heights and asks if I have a fear like that.  I tell her about how scared of fire I am,  so she tells me to close my eyes,  which is incredibly concerning to hear when it comes to conversations about overcoming fears via exposure;  but she is my friend and I trust her not to immediately thrust me into some flames for good measure.  She casts a contingency spell on me to aid with said fear,  but doesn't say anything even when I open my eyes and ask about.  She mentions something about a pretty nasty sandstorm rolling in,  but she took care of it before it hit us and I don't know enough about magic or weather to dispute that.

So after being proud of my friend from totally stopping us from sudden death (really,  it'd be a mild inconvenience to us with how powerful we are),  we roll up into this small village and immediately throw ourselves into the festivities.  We get some delicious treats,  play some games,  and me and Elathera manage to get lost in a labyrinth built for children for three hours. Being that we're both the least intelligent members of this group and considering our history of going off on our own,  is anyone surprised?  Even still,  while the others are wandering around the village and gathering information,  we try and convince them later that we were absolutely doing the same and totally didn't almost get trapped in aforementioned labyrinth.  There was a ghostly illusion inside that warned us we wouldn't get out and dear fucking gods,  she was almost right.

The festivities continue with some snowberry juice,  fireworks,  and the village elder telling us an intriguing tale around the campfire.  He pulls out a stony mask and passes it around as he tells us the tale of it and the being it once belonged to,  Lochoria.  Elathera detects that there's powerful magic tied to it and as the elder recounts a tale of the goddess,  Bibiana,  creating a pocket of timelessness and peace within the material plane,  we're all thinking of finding this place ourselves.  But as the legend states,  the mask was either cast out or stolen away,  forever cursing that pocket dimension and now the once beautiful paradise lies in ruins.  Allegedly returning the mask to that land would revive it,  so after the story is over,  Industria convinces the elder to let us borrow the mask in an effort to find out where this hidden city lies.

Everybody else heads back to the carriage to inspect the mask and perform a ritual on it to gather information,  but me and Lucky decide to go wandering.  True to the festival's name,  I'm treated to some seemingly ominous whispering in my ear;  "The time for revelation is nigh.  Only those who dwell in the shadows may see the unseen.  That which holds the most truth is always spoken with a stony face.  If you will not,  it will wear you.".  Cryptic as shit and the minute I tell Lucky,  they look a little alarmed and suggest we head back to the others.  Meanwhile,  Elathera and Industria are trying to figure out how to get even more information on this thing and figure we should go visit an old ally we haven't seen since our early days in the war.  The Xanter.  We decide to rest up for the night and everybody is plagued by whispers or strange,  unsettling dreams that all seem to tie back to the mask.

Come morning,  we teleport back to familiar enough territory and the Xanter kicks everything off by warning us never to step foot into the Feywild again as people there are less than pleased with us cuz of our previous visit long ago.  The minute we pull the mask out,  the Xanter is surprised and asks how we got it,  stating that the mask belongs to Iolond,  a god associated with fey.  If we bring this mask and return it to the Feywild,  it would help us get back in good graces with them,  but we're still adamant on returning it to the lost city.  After he takes a look at it and deems it to be without a curse,  we of course,  start to play around with it.  Industria puts it on first,  helping us realize the mask makes somebody pretty much non-existent to everyone.  With her permission,  I slap the mask on next and I'm treated to the sight of a mostly featureless being with a charming smile standing before me.  It presses a finger to its lips and then fades from existence.

Clearly startled by this,  I quickly take it off and hand it to Elathera and tell her to tell me if she sees anything out of the ordinary.  She picks up on a trace of magic left behind by the being and traces where it teleported to.  The being bounced into the land of the gods,  Atmeos,  before leaving that void again.  She suggests teleporting in there to find it,  but Industria warns that we can't travel freely into there without the risk of dying on the spot.  So I reluctantly put the mask back on and call out to the being,  surprised when it actually shows back up.  It tells me I'm the one in the shadows and tells me to seek out what can't be found by its kind and with that,  disappears again.  We manage to piece together that I spoke to Iolond itself and it's clear it wants us to find this lost city.  The Xanter points us in the right direction and off we go.

With the mask guiding me along and Elathera guiding the others as she's the only one who can see me when it's on,  we find a portal once we teleport back into the desert.  The mask is the key to activating it,  so I peek inside,  realizing the portal immediately goes into a 500 foot drop to the ruins below.  I try to warn everyone,  but Elathera steps through without waiting,  nearly falling to her death.  With everyone else getting down safely,  that leaves me and Jordeira.  I don't like the thought of having to sit so close to him on the flying carpet so with no witnesses,  I head into the portal on the carpet without him,  leaving him no choice but to take the fall...literally.  He hits the ground hard enough to detach his own arm,  making Elathera flip the fuck out and Industria race to fix it,  but before she can;  he's angrily throwing it my way.  After the little spat and my innocence maintained cuz nobody can prove I did anything wrong,  he stitches it back on and we make our way into the city.

With the mask,  I can see it's crawling with ghosts and I hate every minute of this.  Industria can also see all the ghosts and I watch in horror as one latches onto her and shoves her soul from her body,  taking it for themselves.  With new life,  it's panicking,  but also eager to get food before bursting into tears and Elathera's not sure what's going on;  so she tells the others they should leave right away.  They all take off back towards the portal and I stay behind with Industria's spirit,  who calls out to the others to tell them what happened.  As they all tackle that issue,  more and more ghosts are surrounding me and in a fit of panic,  I take off as I don't wanna be the next victim of body snatching and hide out in a relatively ghost free house.  Once the others find me,  we decide to skip on trying to help these damned souls and head straight for the castle...which surprise!  Has more ghosts.

Once inside though,  we decide not to explore the castle to the fullest and with a clairvoyance bead I won from the three hour labyrinth excursion the day before,  a magic thread leads us to the previous owner of the mask.  We find Lochoria,  barely holding on and she invites us inside her room to share the truth of the situation.  She is the daughter of Bibiana and Iolond,  after the trickster god took the form of Altamere to get with her.  Bibiana was angry and embarrassed that she was tricked and hid this from the other gods,  locking Lochoria away in a pocket dimension,  handing her Iolond's mask which would keep her perfectly hidden from anyone.  But with Lochoria technically being a goddess,  she needed followers in order to survive.  With her power waning,  she cast the mask out in the hopes it would drag more people her way,  but in the end;  all it did was destroy the city around her and curse its inhabitants.

She doesn't want to be trapped her any longer,  so after some deliberating,  we decide we'll free her.  But walking an unknown goddess out onto the material plane could cause a war of massive proportions,  so in a startling twist,  we approach this situation cautiously.  Me and Industria head back up to Heaven to ask for Sabella's permission to turn Lochoria loose and it turns out that even she didn't know about her.  She seems shocked,  but asks us to bring the girl to her,  so with Tacitus in tow,  we head back to the city to pick her up.  Before we slip back inside,  I have a brief conversation with Iolond to make sure that this is what it wanted us to find and do.  With its reassurance that we're doing exactly as it wants,  we grab Lochoria and the rest of our group and head back up to Heaven to rest.

[bigskydreaming]

Anon who sent that ask about someone else - it might take me awhile to respond because there’s kinda an indepth answer to that.....like its not a long convoluted thing, honestly, its just something that’s a matter of saying it right so it comes out the way I mean it, y’know? But for the record, not everyone I reblog from is a mutual, sometimes I’m just seeing what other people are posting, and there’s a difference between people I interact with and people I let myself get close to. I’m kinda a stubborn fuck, lol, which means after a literal lifetime of isolating myself and making sure me and ‘my issues’ were only taking up as much space as others were willing to allot me, like, I just fucking got exhausted by that and decided awhile back that no. Fuck no, I’m not doing that anymore, because I shouldn’t HAVE to. I put a lot of effort into making sure I make room for problems people speak up about that I previously didn’t notice or wasn’t aware of, and so I think its only fair that people do the same in return for me when and where it becomes an issue. That’s how society is SUPPOSED to work, I believe. No, everybody doesn’t have to agree on everything, but when its a matter of just CARING how things we prioritize and make room for affect others around us and squeeze them into smaller and smaller spaces......eventually, it comes down to being either put up or shut up time.

And I know where I stand on those things, and since I’m also a big believer in personal accountability, like.....I’m just not someone who’s willing to make it easier for others to determine the same, like, at my expense. Not anymore. So....bottom line is, I don’t limit my interactions with others based on figuring out where they stand on stuff and building myself a fortress that boxes them out and has a sign out that says keep out if you don’t like xyz.

Instead, I do exactly what proponents of “Don’t like, don’t read” CLAIM they do.

I set out my blanket on this big fucking giant lawn that’s all tumblr really is, a communal space where anyone can set up shop and anyone can see what anyone else is doing over in their space and there really AREN’T ‘walls’ no matter how much we pretend there are.....and since there’s not really a finite amount of space, I take up as much space as I need to, over here in my personal bit of it, and I use it however the fuck I please. Just like everyone else.

And then I leave it up to other people to figure out for themselves how much they want to come into my space, or near my space, or how much distance they want to put between themselves and my space.....but I make damn clear that everyone knows: this is MY space, this is what *I* believe in and stand for and I will talk about whatever the hell I want to talk about, WHEN I want to talk about it, at the volume I want to talk about it. And anyone that doesn’t work for has pleeeeeeeenty of other space they can put between themselves and me so they 100% do not have to hear anything I’m saying, let alone interact with it.

And thing is....they absolutely can do whatever they want in their spaces too. They can talk about ME if they want to, and whatever it is that I’m saying - that’s their right! And if I see them or hear them talking about me I can share what I think about THAT, in a totally counter-productive never-ending spiral that yeah, we sometimes get sucked into.

Just like.....I accept that people CAN ship what they want to ship and write what they want to write and do all of that in their various spaces.....but when those spaces butt up next to mine or when they share space with somewhere that’s supposedly a communal space that all like-minded fans are welcome in....yup, I CAN say what I feel and think about those even just EXISTING. And then they can say and feel whatever they want about THAT and down the line it goes, lol.

(Its kinda hilarious to me how sometimes my little rants about fic result in people spitefully posting stuff that’s exactly what I was talking about and making sure to let me know if its in reaction to me being so damn annoying and loud. Its like....lol, adorable how you just flat out refuse to get that I’m only REACTING to what you put out there in the first place, so putting out MORE of the same to ‘spite’ me is never going to make me talk about it LESS. You fucking dumbasses.)

But you see what I’m saying right? Like.....it just doesn’t work for me anymore, to do what I did pretty much since I was ten years old, and continually retreat AWAY from the spaces taken up by EVERYONE else who refused to consider my needs or comfort or what I was asking in order to just....exist alongside them.

And that’s all ANYONE who says similar stuff to me in regards to ANY content is really saying, at the end of the day:

We all have as much right to exist in these allegedly COMMUNAL spaces as anyone else, and its fucked up that so many people think it should always be on us and only us to back away and tuck ourselves into little corners that don’t intrude on anyone else, when nobody else is remotely considerate of doing the same for us. 

Especially not when the only REAL basis for people insisting that there’s nothing wrong with anything they do or say is because there’s MORE of them doing it and saying it than there are people protesting. Its like, lololol does the term tyranny of the majority not mean anything to anyone? Whether or not there’s MORE people doing something than saying hey could you not, has fuck all to do with whether or not people have a right or case for saying....hey could you not.

So....bottom line is, I just don’t fucking do it anymore. Not when I’ve done it most of my life and at the end of the day, the truth is I shouldn’t HAVE to, and should NEVER have had to....because I have as much right to be here as anyone.

So the way I go about it is, I just....set up shop in my little corner of the internet, and I mostly stay here and just say what I want to say and do what I want to do loudly and clearly, so there’s really no fucking confusion about what it is I’m saying or doing and its on everyone else who comes close to determine whether or not they WANT to be here or not. And if they do? If they’re interested in what I have to say about one subject? Then they can damn well listen through what I have to say on another subject, or they can leave and come back later to see if I’ve changed the channel since then. But they don’t get to insist on what programming I put out there, and fuck them for trying to influence that if they do.

And so when it comes to other fans in this fandom....I mostly let them come to me, y’know? I don’t really....go out there seeking out other fans to interact with, I’m just kinda....here, and if what I’m saying is of interest and we end up interacting, that’s cool. And I don’t really mind too much if they’re doing something entirely different elsewhere, cuz this is the part where I’m a petty, stubborn fuck comes into play, lol.....cuz if they want to interact with me regularly, well, whenever these subjects come up, they’re gonna hear what I have to say, and that’s on them and their own damn feelings to sort out. And if it makes them feel guilty or self-conscious, that’s that personal accountability thing - figure out for their own damn selves how to reconcile those things. I’ll still be here when they’re done.

But like I said at the top, that doesn’t mean like.....there’s a difference between interacting and getting close to, and trust me, I do get far more selective about the latter, just because....anyone I’m close to? I care about their comfort and peace of mind just as much as I expect them to prioritize mine. And so I’m damn selective about making sure I even CAN honestly commit to prioritizing the stuff they put out there as being most important to them, every bit as much as whether or not they might do the same for me.....and so y’know, it all kinda sorts itself out on its own, y’know? I’m not in a rush there, and so stuff like we’re talking about doesn’t really tend to fall through the cracks by that point, if that makes sense.

And sometimes the stuff we prioritize and care most about changes, and that changes how much even good friends occupy each other’s spaces and interact, and what I’m saying is....its a process, and not a short one or one that can be sorted out with minimal thought, and the people who think its easy to straddle certain lines or have their cake and eat it too or just never prioritize someone else’s fun over their own, like....they tend to figure out in the long run that this very rarely ever results in anything more than a surface level commitment to THEM anymore than it results in a commitment of any real depth FROM them.

Idk, did all that make sense? I’m not on my meds right now so kinda why I wasn’t intending to respond to this in full right now except oh look at that, I ended up anyway, WHEN WILL I STOP THIS, lmfao.

Anyway. So yeah. That. Hope that answered your question, anon? And sorry if it doesn’t work for you or is disappointing for you or feels like a cop-out. Its just....honestly what I’ve figured out works best for me in the long run, and we all ultimately have to figure out for ourselves what that is for each of us as individuals.....and sometimes that’s just not compatible, and that’s....kinda okay too.

[the-firebird69]

For the more don't interrupted me with anyone while I'm doing my work you people want us to kick your ass or sit back and accept it or admit with kicking your ass don't sit there and do absolutely nothing and say nothing then say we're doing something wrong then attract more hits on yourself cuz we're just going to come in there and waste you like we are now.

You're nothing behavior doesn't do anything for you you're ridiculous.

It's so obscene and so absurd that we sent special teams in today to gather up all you idiots who are doing it and see why you're doing it we see is it doesn't make much sense or differences just as done with all the other stuff but it has been doing you in completely globally nobody wants to hear it and he always grab one or two idiots dead that's a great effort

So I'm going to add to the measures here and start pouring in I'm sick of hearing you I'm sick of seeing his face in the stupid camera saying no no okay and dumb things like that all day I'm tired of you having them do it I'm tired of him doing it I'm tired of him saying shut up f** to him over and over cuz he won't stop going to draw a line in the sand you Cross your den if you die just keep moving it up your other s*** heads until it's none of you eliminating your cloning in space eliminate on the ground and I'm sitting out tons of groups all the time full time until it's all gone and then we're going to make sure it never comes back, we have a limited more than half of it and he's put in the urgent on it since there are people looking at rotten rid of real easy we're going to go ahead and do it they should know I'm going to hold while we can this is the attitude we need.

Further Trump you're trying to bomb the entire Earth with your skulls and stuff and they're sitting out there and loaded up not moving and they haven't moved and you keep saying they have they keep changing the story and we keep blowing the s*** out of you because you keep opening your mouth and you won't shut up for anything thinking you're cool and avoiding the major hits well actually you're just inviting them I'm tired and your father you understand it's extremely annoying behavior you're not winning anything you're just being more and more annoying attracting attention you think you got something cuz you're attracting negative attention and fire.

It's going to start closing the gap on you and your idiots Jason is out most of the underground because of his mouth and his attitude here and actually that's why he just won't stop going after him because he's bothered by Jason so badly it's such a little f****** a****** and crush your f****** head in front of everyone. I'm putting a hit on you Jason a nice big fat one just like he did all the higher-ups no everyone who has your character is to be hit cuz you can't stand look at your face it's very effective cut You Down real quick all your s*** here is gone all your underground stuff is gone all your clothning here is gone tons of stuff works out there getting rid of you because of this idea. At the point my man to take care of it and erase any of you who were in these characters here and he's doing it too and all the ones bothering him if you want to die cuz you're a bother it's hilarious.

We issue several orders now on who to go after here. Top priority or people messing with his computer or phone or his time here is health food interactions with others and keeping him here in this swill hole we're going after them first and putting out global warrants and we're also issuing bounties on any of the characters anyone who's in any of these characters or characters that work for them we're going to town on you today you're sickening pile of s*** what you do does not stop it in any way you exacerbated every time so just get ready to die looking for a bucket list your last will and testimony.

I'm taking all your stuff too as you go and we need that now let me decide to fill up the Dominican Republic which it is in Haiti which we are in Cuba which we are and says well let's go after this s*** heads and clean them out anything from the south and what's left in the Midwest and the east we'll put there and we'll do it today this s*** has a follow out there and we'll get rid of the s*** is I don't know why you're laughing is such a s*** thats why you're so stupid Jason.

I'm going to do that now I'm issuing the order frankly I'm so tired of your s*** as I feel like going down there myself but I have things to do that and they're Wicked and they can get all of you instead why not if we're not busy elsewhere It's usually the problem but this will help out a lot I'll take all the Ingut and cold and everything else too that we need

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

Olympus

[nebulous-frog]

For the Love of Elsa

Summary: Soulmates AU where the first words your soulmate says to you are on your arm. Phil works in a toy store and Dan comes in four days before Christmas when they bump into each other.

This now has a Part Two!

Word Count: 1638

Pairing: Phan

Genre: Fluff, Soulmates AU, lightly Christmas themed

Warnings: a couple swears, Black Friday-ish shopping

Author’s Note: Merry Christmas!

Link to AO3  Fics Masterlist

Chaos. Absolute chaos, everywhere.

Dan had been in the store for all of thirty seconds and already regretted ever entering. It was December 21st and everyone was last-minute shopping, including him. He forgot to get a present for his nephew and, upon realizing this, had scrambled over to the closest toy store to find the one toy that of COURSE his nephew just HAD to have: the Disney Frozen Elsa Play-A-Melody Gown doll. His nephew was completely obsessed with Frozen and wished he could actually be Elsa, which was unbelievably cute, if irritating when Dan had to find this very specific toy four days before Christmas. And it certainly didn’t help that Dan’s soulmate mark had been itchy in the last few days; as everyone knew, an itchy soulmate mark meant you would meet your soulmate soon, and the itchiness was making Dan very anxious.

So there Dan stood, dodging crazy shoppers running around in a last-ditch effort to find the toys their kids so desperately needed, scratching his wrist incessantly, and trying to figure out where on earth to find this toy.

Right, Dan. Just go in there, find the damn toy, and go home to some delicious hot chocolate and cookies because you’ll have earned it by then, he told himself. Taking in a deep breath, Dan charged, making his way to the “girls” section, as apparently it’s socially unacceptable for a boy to like Frozen.

Aisle after aisle was packed solid with people and the shelves were emptying rapidly. Yelling could be heard from all directions and all kinds of people, from the customers demanding to know why a toy wasn’t on the shelves to the poor employees trying to explain that I’m sorry, it’s a very popular toy and we’ve run out over all the other noise. Dan already had a headache, but powered through.

Since he was taller than everyone else, he had a relatively easy time finally spotting the shelf he needed to get to. Of course, it was in the back corner of the store, just Dan’s luck, and he had to wade through the maniacs to get there.

“Excuse me, sorry, I’m sorry, ouch, sorry,” he chanted. He was trying not to push too hard, since everyone else was shoving mercilessly, while also trying to make progress and not elbow anyone in the boob (unfortunately, it had happened before and was extremely unpleasant for everyone involved).

“Ouch! You pervert!”

Shit, not again, Dan thought. “I’m sorry! It was an accident!” he called in the general direction of the voice. “Ow!” Well, it’s good to know I used to have a foot. Is it still there, or will I look down to see the bloody pancaked remains of it?

Finally, Dan made it to the back corner. Triumphant, he reached out to grab the Disney Frozen Elsa Play-A-Melody Gown doll.

And that’s when everything began to happen at once.  

From his right, Dan heard a surprisingly loud and powerful female voice yell “MOVE!” and he promptly felt two startlingly strong hands shove him while he was midstep, causing him to lose his balance.

“Shit!” yelled Dan, windmilling as best he could without hitting anyone.

His windmilling was all for naught, however, as he was shoved again, directly into someone he hadn’t seen approach him from the left. They both lost their balance for good, then, and crashed to the floor.

This is it, I’m going to die, thought Dan. All for the sake of that Disney Frozen Elsa Play-A-Melody Gown doll. What a way to go.

Despite the background noise, Dan managed to hear the low voice of the man he had fallen on top of.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

Dan felt his wrist burn as he responded but ignored the pain in favor of complete mortification. “I am so, so sorry.”

He felt the man stiffen. “Wh- what did you just say?”

Dan was too busy freaking out about being on the floor in the middle of the Christmas shopping rush in a toy store to pay attention to what he had said. “We need to get up, we’re gonna get trampled, oh my god.” He lifted his head and realized that he was entirely on top of the man. He willed himself not to blush; they really had to get off the floor. Turning his head to either side, Dan saw that most people were giving them a bit of room, so he scrambled to his feet and held out a hand to help the other man up.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“What did you say, a minute ago, though?”

“What?”

“When you fell on me, you said something. What was it?”

Dan noticed the man scratching his wrist and his eyes widened. “Uh- I think I apologized? Cuz I fell on you, and everything. What did you say befo-“

The man wrapped him in a bear hug. “I think you’re my soulmate. I asked if you were okay when we fell.”

Dan gaped before returning the hug and burying his face in the man’s neck. “I’m Dan. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Phil.”

They stood like that for a few more seconds before someone slammed into them, nearly knocking them over again. Dan reluctantly let go of Phil but was grinning wider than he ever had as he took in the appearance of his soulmate. Black hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and almost as tall as him, Dan blurt out, “Well, damn, you’re hot.”

Phil giggled, his tongue sticking out between his teeth, which he tried to cover with his hand (Dan most definitely was not swooning at that, not at all). “You’re not so bad, yourself,” he teased.

Dan blushed dark red again. “Can I see your mark?”

Phil lifted his wrist, showing the words, “I am so, so sorry.”

Dan showed Phil his, as well. “I think the secondary mark is coming in, too, but it’s still faint.” Everyone had the first words their soulmate said to them on their arms, of course, but, when they met, a new mark would appear somehow related to how they first met.

“I wonder what it’ll be,” Phil marveled aloud.

“So do I, but we should probably, like, move somewhere so we don’t get knocked over again.”

“Yeah, that’s a good plan. Did you need something in this corner, though?”

“What? What would I need- OH!” Dan spun around and grabbed the very last Disney Frozen Elsa Play-A-Melody Gown doll off the shelf and clutched it tightly in his arms.

Phil, who Dan now realized was wearing a uniform for the store, took Dan’s hand and began leading him towards the front of the store for checkout.

“I’m signed on to a register in this corner that they usually reserve for members only, but nobody’s ever there because it’s really well hidden,” Phil explained. “I can quickly check you out in peace, this way.”

Dan snorted, then winked. “I’m pretty sure you’ll have the rest of our lives to check me out.”

Phil looked at him, confused for a moment, before what he actually said dawned on him. “Oh my god, I meant, like, take your money for the doll. That was so not what I wanted to say.” Phil was blushing furiously as Dan laughed.

“You are so cute! The universe did well for me.” Dan playfully winked again and Phil groaned.

“I’m just not gonna say anything anymore, I’ll just embarrass myself.”

Dan’s smirk relaxed into a soft smile. “That’s okay, we met because I literally fell on top of you. It looks like we’re in for a lifetime of embarrassing ourselves in front of each other.”

Phil scanned the doll’s barcode and put in his employee discount code. “I guess you have a point. That’ll be £11 for the doll.”

Dan had been pulling out his wallet but stopped and looked up at Phil again. “Only £11? That’s way cheaper than it should be, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, but I put in the employee discount. It applies to employees and their soulmates, so welcome to discount toys.”

Dan grinned again. “I’m liking you more with everything you say, Phil. Here,” he pulled out his phone. “Can I have your number?” He was a little nervous to be so abrupt about it, but he also knew that they were soulmates, so Phil would obviously do it.

“Of course!” Phil smiled and put his number in Dan’s phone, then completed the checkout process. “Maybe later you can tell me why you’re here four days before Christmas trying to buy Frozen dolls and falling on top of strangers.”

Dan blushed. “Maybe, indeed. I’d like to point out that it was not my fault I fell on you, I was actually violently pushed, thank you very much.”

“Of course you were, Dan. Of course you were.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I wish I could stay and talk to you, but I have presents to wrap before I go home for Christmas. I’ll text you.”

“Good. Wish me luck before I return to the wolves,” Phil joked, moving back around from behind the counter.

Dan took a step closer to Phil, leaned in, and slowly kissed him on the cheek, savoring the knowledge that this was his soulmate. “Good luck,” he whispered.

Phil was blushing violently and biting his bottom lip when Dan pulled back. “Thanks.”

“Bye, Phil.”

“Bye, Dan.”

As Dan walked home, he eagerly looked down at his wrist again. Next to the words, “Oh my god, are you okay?” was now a small snowflake, just like from Frozen. Grinning like an idiot and shaking his head, Dan decided his nephew was getting some extra money for Christmas with his gift. After all, if it weren’t for him and his love of Elsa, Dan wouldn’t have met Phil.

Part Two