#not just morally bankrupt but actually. brain broken

[chaseprice]

it’s funny to see how unintelligent twitter GCs/transphobes are sometimes. It is just a wasteland of brain rot. They’re literally babychildren and their brains don’t process things. Like they don’t know shit abt rad feminism nor critical thought to the point where they confuse ppl identifying and criticising the effects of the patriarchy on women as support for said things. They don’t read they just react. They don’t recognise or understand what are literally radical takes, shit that dw*rkin and the like wrote about.. They pick and choose their rhetoric, misappropriate rad arguments when it suits them, all while allying themselves with terrible men as long as they are trying to bring down trans women, foaming at the mouth the whole time

[mineofilms]

Raw is Politics

“Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.”

— The Lawgiver, (as spoken by Cornelius in Planet of the Apes)

As I stated in my last blog, “0.” This is an attempt to be the last blog I will write that involves politics directly. If I ever decide to care again about this subject. I will announce it, but I am stepping away from politics as talking points for the foreseeable future. It’s just too mentally, emotionally exhausting, and frankly, pointless. I’ve been trying for so long to see both sides, defend them, analyze them—but really, it’s just a fight over what’s “less bad.” We’re not talking about choosing the best option here, but the lesser of two sides. If one begins to get physically ill due to these things, it is time to move on and ignore them. We’re arguing over perspective, which we both do not have. And that’s not a way to live. At this point, I’m so fed up that I’m considering not even voting anymore. I mean, does it really matter? We’re all just pawns in a game designed by a bunch of rich assholes on both sides. I know I’ve said this before, and yeah, I’ve failed at it before. I get pulled back in. Most of us do. We all cannot help ourselves. I am just making a conscious effort here to ignore it all. The constant political bickering has drained me. The narratives we follow are illusions—manufactured distractions that make us think we have some influence.

But we don’t.

The news and politics do things not to make us think with our brains, but react with our emotions. When the brain is being emotional it tends to shut its ability to critically think off while emotionally compromised. What we’re really given here is a choice between piss and poop. And who wants to choose between those? The real losers are the people who keep playing along, thinking they can change something within this broken system. Living in a burning house while one pretends its not in fact burning with you inside it. I know people might want to challenge me on this, and that’s fine. If you’ve got a different perspective, go ahead, tell me about it. I might listen. I might not, but I’m done pretending this is some peer-reviewed debate where we’re all working towards a better solution. We’re not peers in that sense. We’re not working together in any aspect that could make a difference. We’re just friends trying to navigate a messed-up world. The truth as I see it is, none of this matters in the grand scheme of things. It’s all just noise, self-serving bullshit, and I’m done letting it consume me. I have already been working on projects for the heavy metal band I work with. Been working on fiction projects over commentary. Trying to write some computer scripts, I have no clue how to write. I’ve turned my focus toward more meaningful things to me that are not about fueling the egos of the intellectually and morally bankrupt portion of humanity. I am not interested in having my emotional state on a given day run by either politicians or the FK’n news media.

Politics has become a theater of absurdity, where the only winners are the ones who don’t play. So that’s what I’m doing: stepping off the binary circus. The whole setup is broken, and I’ve realized that my time and energy are better spent creating something new, something that might actually leave an impact, and that actually makes me feel good. Not, “less bad…” The reality is we’re all just bugs in this universe when compared to the infinity of it all, and nothing we do really matters on this cosmic scale. So why waste time on a shit game? Remember E.T. the game for Atari? Yeah, worse than that… I’d rather put my energy into the things and people that bring me joy. That’s where my focus is now—on creation, on things I love, on what little time I have to make a real, personal difference in life. So yeah, I’m unplugging from the political machine. I’m getting there. And I’m okay with that. I have watched approximately less than 15 minutes of media coverage on politics in the last calendar month. I know just as much as I did when I was watching intently.

Absolutely Nothing…

We currently have free speech as a fundamental entitled right shared by all Americans, allowing everyone to express their thoughts and feelings about any situation, in the United States. However, exercising this freedom with good intentionality other than your own personal validation should have higher morality. Not everyone will agree with you, and some will be offended by what you say. Perhaps more than some. Try to think that while you have the right to speak your mind, what is your intentionality behind the words? Your feelings are not always the best guide for making thoughtful statements to make others think; they often don't align with the reality of the situation. Your words, while they are yours, have actions they represent. If those actions do not align with your inner circle’s you may find yourself on the outside, trying to look inside and be shown you are no longer welcome. If that is your intention. I am so so sorry for you. As Bertrand Russell once said, when considering any matter, focus solely on the facts and the truth they reveal. Don't let your beliefs or the potential social benefits cloud your judgment. They may be your undoing when you want support. In a society that is increasingly disconnected even though we are all more interconnected than any species on the planet, we must learn to tolerate differing opinions. If we wish to live together harmoniously, embracing love over hatred and practicing tolerance and charity is vital. This approach is essential for the continuation of human life on this planet. “Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land.”

As a species we have demonstrated we are nothing more than clever apes with no morals addicted to drama and driven by emotional addictions we do not even understand.

I am a polite person until I am not. Politeness does have its functional value to people who are narcissists. For them it is not extended from emotional generosity, intentionality to put positive vibes out in the world, but is instead a behavior conditioned by circumstance and necessity. They don’t want or need. They’re entitled. It is their divine right to consume this thing, whatever the thing is. They do not engage in polite conversation to soothe or provide comfort. You’re the bug. Not them. You… In this lesson, my purpose is not to offer reassurances. It is to introduce doubt. I am polite to show my respect for our very human interaction. That courtesy goes so far, but I always attempt that olive branch unless I sense something is wrong about the person, situation, their intentionality and that is always right. Some may use it to disguise their fear—an unavoidable byproduct of confronting uncertainty. Fear arises when you begin to question the certainty of your perceptions, including whether the reality you navigate is as stable as you assume. Is the ground beneath you real, or is it merely another layer of constructed belief? This is worth considering. Fear is a powerful force. It can distort your perception of reality, twisting what’s in front of you into something unrecognizable. We’ve all felt it, that creeping sensation that something’s not right. And, truth be told, it’s probably one of the most defining experiences of being human. Fear pushes us into a corner, makes us question everything. And in doing so, it often reveals how much of our lives are built on illusion, on constructs that we seldom challenge.

Take professional wrestling, for instance. Most people think of it as a staged cartoon spectacle—a performance. Yet, for those in the nearly 25 million plus fans out there, the emotions it provokes are real. They blur the line between what's genuine and what's crafted. The fights might be choreographed, the outcomes predetermined, but the passion, the excitement, the anger—those are visceral, immediate. Those bumps are real though. And isn't that a metaphor for life? So much of what we experience is scripted, controlled, a product of forces beyond our understanding. But the emotions it brings out? Those are real. The actions it creates from those feelings are real. The fear it evokes? That's real. Imagine, for a moment, that life itself is a kind of performance—a carefully orchestrated series of events designed to elicit certain responses from us. The structures of society, the media we consume, the rules we follow—they all serve to create a certain perception of reality. But what happens when we start to question that perception? What happens when the veil begins to lift, and we catch a glimpse of what's behind the curtain? Just like professional wrestling, life is full of these constructed realities, carefully crafted narratives designed to keep us engaged, to make us feel and not think. The media, for instance, doesn't just report facts—it carefully shapes them, creates a narrative that elicits a specific emotional response from us. Lately, it’s a lot of outrage often from that response being fear. Fear is a tool, a powerful motivator that keeps us in check, that blurs the lines between reality and illusion, just as much as any scripted realityTV character. And the more fear we feel, the harder it becomes to see clearly.

Politics and professional wrestling share more than a few similarities when it comes to crafting narratives for their audiences. Both rely on carefully constructed personas, dramatized conflicts, and the illusion of opposing forces vying for power. In politics, like in wrestling, the public is often presented with exaggerated characters—heroes and villains—whose battles are staged to maintain engagement and loyalty. The lines between reality and performance blur, with each side positioning themselves as the ultimate champion of the people, for the people, all while working within a system that thrives on spectacle. Just as in wrestling, where the outcomes are predetermined, politics often follows the same exact script of power dynamics and alliances that shift more for strategic gain than ideological purity. The drama of debates, the tension of elections, and the theatrics of policy announcements mirror the scripted rivalries of the squared-circle. Everything being thrown in and used, even the kitchen sink. Both rely on media coverage to amplify the storylines, ensuring that the audience remains invested in the ongoing saga, even as the players behind the scenes may be collaborating more than the public ever realizes. But there's an odd comfort in these constructed realities, isn't there? They give us something to hold onto, something familiar, something that makes sense in a chaotic world. We follow the script, play our parts, and in doing so, we avoid confronting the terrifying truth that lies just beyond our perception: that much of what we believe to be real is, in fact, an illusion, a manipulation. The lines between what’s real and what’s fabricated start to blur, and we're left wondering how much of our lives are driven by fear of the unknown, rather than a clear-eyed understanding of the world around us.

"I put these glasses on, she looks like a regular person, doesn't she? Put 'em on, from Maldehyde-face!" – John Nada, “They Live”

From John Carpenters, “They Live.” John Nada, a drifter who stumbles upon a pair of sunglasses that reveal the hidden truth about the world. When he puts them on, he can see that the ruling class is composed of disguised aliens controlling humanity through subliminal messages embedded in advertisements, signs, and the media. These messages enforce consumerism, obedience, and conformity. The sunglasses represent the metaphor of "waking up" to the hidden realities of the world, exposing the manipulation that is normally invisible to the naked eye. The real “WOKE…”

It’s easy to look at professional wrestling and dismiss it as fake, as a show designed purely for entertainment. The media and politics stole the book that professional wrestling built. Specifically the era in Wrestling known as the “Monday Night Wars.” This war was a fierce ratings battle during the late 1990s between two major professional wrestling promotions: World Wrestling Entertainment, WWE (then WWF), and World Championship Wrestling, WCW. Every Monday night, WWE's “Raw” and WCW's “Nitro” aired head-to-head, with WCW initially dominating thanks to big-name stars signing with the rival promotion, and the edgy NWO storyline. WWE fought back by adopting a more rebellious, attitude-driven, sexy style that resonated with younger audiences. The competition fueled some of wrestling's most iconic moments. It is this book that basically helped drive realityTV to what it is today and now the news and politics use it, play for play… If you watch wrestling for decades that comparison should be obvious. Or is it… Red pill or the Blue pill? How about no pills… How about both sides are poor for steady societal growth and/or taking the moral high ground in this situation?

How much of what we experience is influenced by carefully constructed narratives, designed to provoke emotional reactions, to keep us engaged, to prevent us from thinking and questioning too deeply? The emotions wrestling stirs—love, hate, fear—are raw and real. We live within narratives created by others, and the emotions we feel as a result of them are very real. Predestination is a philosophical and theological concept that suggests all events in life are predetermined by a higher power or fate, leaving no room for free will. This isn't to say that we should all become skeptics, questioning everything around us until we’re paralyzed by uncertainty. We are not trapped in the matrix. Heck, we could be. We probably are… So what, does it even matter? But maybe it’s worth acknowledging how much of our reality is constructed. How many of the fears we carry are born out of illusions? Like I said above; when the brain is being emotional it tends to shut its ability to critically think off while emotionally compromised. Staying calm under pressure means keeping your cool when things get tough so you can think clearly and handle the situation properly. It’s about controlling your emotions, taking a breath, and focusing on what needs to be done without getting overwhelmed. People who are good at this don’t let stress take over. They stay focused on solving the problem step by step, which helps them avoid mistakes and make better decisions, especially when others are counting on them, like in emergencies or tough situations. When we start to question these narratives, when we confront our fears, we begin to see things for what they really are. And that’s the real challenge, isn’t it? To peel back the layers of illusion and see the world as it truly is—raw, unpredictable, dangerous, and often terrifying. But also full of potential, full of possibilities that we might not have seen before. The fear that once held us back becomes the key to breaking free from the constraints of the illusion, from the limitations of a life lived according to someone else’s script.

How can you choose a side when there are two choices and both sides paint the other as wrong, bad, and evil, all of the time?

In a binary system, both sides cannot be wrong, bad and evil. That isn’t how ying/yang work. When both sides are constantly trashing each other as wrong, bad, or evil, it’s impossible not to be cynical about the whole situation. It often seems like it’s tough to find anything genuine amidst all this noise. Try to ignore the constant bickering and focus on what actually matters on a personal level to you. Forget the bullshit, even if it’s not bullshit, forget it. What can you control about any of that? Focus on that and look at your own core values for guidance. Perhaps some semblance of guidance in a landscape where every side is spinning their own version of reality. It’s also important to question the information coming from both sides. Are they both just manipulating the facts to fit their agendas? They probably are. We cannot even agree anymore on what a fact even is. That word gets thrown around so often now it has lost its core meaning. Facts, means, real… It is the very construct we built everything on –on and at the conceptual level of existence. Understanding the true motivations behind each perspective might offer a clearer view of what’s really going on. I know that is easier said than done, even with a computer and knowing how to look for stuff that isn’t controlled by the legacy media corporations.

Ultimately, choosing a side might be less about finding a “good” side and more about recognizing that neither option is ideal. Aligning with whichever side seems less flawed or has goals that might lead to a somewhat better outcome can be a logical approach. If neither side feels right, it’s perfectly reasonable to dismiss both and focus on actions that don’t get tangled up in their endless, polarized conflict. Unless you are a spiteful cynic like myself… So maybe it’s time we all start questioning the reality we've been given. Maybe it's time we confront the fears that have been placed in our path which seem daunting. What better way to distract people than by making it all about them. Ah, validation on social media, the modern-day equivalent of a pat on the back from a thousand strangers who couldn't care less about you in real life. It's where you post a carefully curated snapshot of your existence—usually more fiction than fact—and wait for the dopamine hit from a flood of likes, hearts, comments, and shares. Because nothing screams "I've made it" like approval from people who are just as lost and insecure as you are. It's a glorious cycle of mutual validation: you stroke my ego, I'll stroke yours, and we’ll both pretend it means something; you know, real. That selfie you took? It’s not just a photo; it’s a desperate plea for someone—anyone—to affirm that your existence isn’t as hollow as it feels. But let's be honest, those double-taps and heart emojis are about as meaningful as a politician's promise. Your carefully crafted posts, dripping with faux authenticity, are just bait for the algorithm, designed to keep you hooked and scrolling. Meanwhile, the social media overlords are raking in ad revenue from your neediness. And let's not forget the comments section, that cesspool of insincere compliments and backhanded jabs. It's like a high school popularity contest, except now, it's open to the whole world, and the stakes are your mental health. In the end, all this validation is about as satisfying as eating cotton candy: it looks substantial, but dissolves into nothingness the moment you try to savor it. So go ahead, chase those likes, rack up those followers, and keep telling yourself it matters. Because in the grand scheme of things, who needs genuine human connection when you’ve got a perfectly filtered photo and a bunch of virtual thumbs-ups?

Power possesses the ability to delve into the psyche of a human being and manipulate us against one another. There is no difference between Democrats or Republicans anymore. It’s just Power, now. It employs social, religious, and sexual issues on us to divide us.

Go to New York City, Chicago, Denver, Seattle, San Francisco, and Washington D.C. What do you see besides the obvious? Lots and lots of bitterness. I see a lot of, ‘alleged,’ smart people who do not have the sense to use that, ‘alleged,’ intelligence and who do not have it mentally, emotionally, and intellectually together. What I see is a lot of people who say they are smart by default based on where they went to school. I see these same people, bitter, living in interconnected boxed right angles, stacked onto one another, like how one would organize the useless things they own and then sit back and be proud of that. Working dead-end jobs, being jealous of others that live free, outside in the sunlight, eating fresh non-processed food. We see the people in the mainstream establishment trying to appear to be intellectuals, but what they are really doing, in doing so, making stupid decisions or saying illogical things. What we are seeing now isn’t just illogical, it is just really dumb. This collective attempts to make minority issues displayed as majority issues and those issues be labeled as normal and/or everyday ‘FACTS...’” They keep telling us everything is great and the country has never been better. It isn’t just black and white. Most people live, work, play and interact with reality in the gray. Only a very small percentage of these people actually live in the black and the white. Go outside, take a look around. Does it matter the person in front of you at the coffee shop voted for Biden or Trump? Does it matter that they may or may not believe in God? Does any of that matter? What is the goal? A goal of self-enrichment and the retention of power? The most effective means to maintain power is through the control of narratives and influence, compelling individuals to believe they are right, good and just.

At the end of the day, my point is simple: be aware of how the media and politics are designed to manipulate our emotions. If we can recognize that, we have a better chance of keeping our heads clear and not letting our feelings take over our understanding of the world. This is my attempt at a final word on the subject. The system is broken, and I’ve realized that my time is better spent creating something new. Something that actually has the potential to leave an impact, even if it’s just a tiny one. So yeah, I’m unplugging. Slowly, but I’m doing it. And after this, I’m hopefully done. No more political commentary, no more wasted energy. Just moving forward with what really matters.

While this all may indeed appear as a complex and manipulative construct, it is not a reason to submit to despair. Even amongst the noise and apparent futility, there exists the potential for change and growth. By directing intention towards meaningful pursuits and embracing value, one may survive. Forward, though challenging, holds the promise of contributing to a better understanding or not…

That’s it…

Rudis est Politica Latin for Raw is Politics by David-Angelo Mineo 8/19/2024 3,857 Words

[unhingedwomandiaries]

Used to proper enjoy reading American news, me. It was like watching the world's most mental reality show - you know, the kind where everyone's got more money than sense and common decency's about as rare as a coherent thought on Love Island. But lately? Bloody hell. It's gone darker than my ex's soul, and that's saying something considering he once tried to convince me his pet tarantula needed its own Instagram.

Take this waitress, right? Gets handed a ten grand tip - proper life-changing money, the kind that might actually let you eat something besides Super Noodles for dinner - and what happens? Gets sacked faster than you can say "corporate ethics." Because apparently accepting generosity is a firing offense now. Tell you what, if someone tried giving me that kind of cash while I was serving up fancy coffees with leaves drawn in the foam, I'd have it in my pocket before you could blink. Probably makes me morally bankrupt, but mate, have you SEEN the price of literally everything these days?

Then there's this story that's proper done me in - some mom who made her kid walk five miles home as punishment, then somehow managed to run him over in their own bloody driveway when he finally got there. What kind of broken moral compass leads to that? What absolute wrong turn did her brain take to think "Yes, this seems reasonable"? It's like something from one of those psychological thrillers that keep you up at night, except it's real life and I can't just change the channel.

And that's just for starters! We've got trigger-happy cops shooting innocent people, a taekwondo instructor going full psychopath on his students (because apparently being mental is now a job requirement for teaching martial arts), and some politician called Nikki Haley who might or might not drop out of... something? Honestly, she could be running for President of Mars for all I know or care at this point.

Makes me want to do a runner and live like a hobbit. Proper hobbit life, mind - not this half-arsed modern living where we pretend we're happy because we've got houseplants and a meditation app. I'm talking full-on Shire existence. Growing my own vegetables (probably badly), drinking ale for breakfast (definitely badly), and never having to hear about another human being absolutely breaking my faith in humanity.

The most dramatic thing that happens in hobbit land is running out of pipeweed or having unexpected visitors for second breakfast. Sounds bloody perfect if you ask me. No more scrolling through news that makes me want to scream into the void. No more trying to understand how people can be so monumentally awful to each other. Just me, living my best halfling life, probably getting fat and definitely not giving a toss about whatever fresh hell is trending on Twitter.

Might just wander off into those woods behind our office. You know, the ones where x from Accounts swears he saw a ghost but it was probably just x from IT having a smoke. Can't be worse than this dystopian nightmare we're calling society. At least the trees won't try to justify why it's okay to be a complete weapon to other human beings.

Though knowing my luck, I'd probably end up getting recruited by a wizard for some quest to save the world. And honestly? At this point, fighting a dragon sounds easier than trying to make sense of the news.

[shortest-jorts]

Scary isn’t a villain.

I had to say it somewhere.

<S2 EP25 SPOILERS AHEAD>

I’m writing a character analysis essay on this, so I’m not posting my full thoughts here just yet, but I have to get this off my chest.

Scary Marlowe is not a villain. She’s a tragic figure. Albeit, her tragedy is biblical in proportion, and it’s a bit hard to sympathize with her as a character, but she is still tragic in nature. By definition, a tragic hero is a character who faces difficulty and eventual downfall at the hands of some intrinsic fatal flaw within. While I don’t think Scary is going to face literal downfall - after all, she’s still one of four main characters in a long-running podcast - I do believe her flaws and weaknesses need to be seen in the greater context. Scary’s fatal flaw is her hostility and her wallowing, I think we can all agree on that; she’s a lonely figure who seeks out someone, anyone who will understand, and she lashes out to the ones that don’t get it. She hurts the people she loves because she projects her self-hatred onto others. Simply put, it’s hostility rooted in self-loathing, rationalized by the idea that anyone who thinks her worthy of love must themselves deserve repercussions for their poor judgement. She refuses to be empathized with because she refuses to let her guard down, knowing that she’s already so broken that the smallest chip in her armor will make her shatter like glass. She drives people away because deep down, she knows whoever actually will understand her must be “dark and twisted” like her.

And what do you know. William Stampler. Dark, twisted, morally bankrupt, the most detestable villain I’ve seen in a while. As if being abusive and hateful wasn’t enough, he exploits a young girl that he can see weakness and naïveté in. He knows she’s impressionable enough to get her on his side with enough emotional bribery (and magical bribery too). I think sometimes fans forget that Scary is a fourteen or fifteen year old girl. She’s a kid. Not only does she not know better, she finds comfort in shutting out the ones that do. Though she may be hostile and contemptuous, it is Willy that fueled the destructive flame. She’s a victim of manipulation, and her clear need for help is answered by the worst possible human to help a child. He uses her, and it was never the other way around.

Her relationship with violence is obviously harmful on a good day and massively destructive on a bad one, but it’s worth noting that she often is short-sighted when it comes to consequences. Whether she means to hurt or kill anyone she’s done so too is really up to interpretation of the nitty gritty, but it’s clear she doesn’t fully understand the repercussions of her actions. She thinks she’s in the right, and I’ll admit that anyone who commits violence thinks they’re in the right. Scary is really a matter of nature and nurture, being fed only the idea that violence can solve her problems and not that there’s a functional better way. The one person who actually did, to his credit, fully understand her, used it to take advantage of her. She’s correct in saying that no one understands, but this doesn’t discount the fact that she makes herself hard to understand. She fears being perceived in a way that won’t validate her hostility.

Scary is not just one thing. She’s not a hero, she’s not a villain, not a victim or a perpetrator or a redeemable figure. She’s all of it at once. Scary is complex and should be allowed to be such.

Stay tuned for my extremely nitty gritty and over-complicated character analysis essay about Scary, because when they say brain rot is a disease, they mean it’s debilitating.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 2.3.8 “Inconveniences Of Entertaining A Poor Man Who May Be Rich”

This chapter is so long. Here goes.

Is it normal for Cosette to have to knock to get into the house she lives in? Or is Hugo just using that as a vehicle to make Mme Thenardier meet Valjean first?

It’s times like this that I desperately wish I knew more about biblical stories and fables and things. This, a rich man in disguise as a poor man being treated poorly by innkeepers and taking something from them, sounds like a bible story or a similar type of fable. But the only two bible stories I know with similar themes are the nativity story and Sodom and Gomorrah and neither of those seem quite right. Still, this entire episode reads like a fable or fairytale.

We’ve already seen how Evil the Thenardiers are re: their treatment of Cosette. Now we are seeing their Evil in the form of treatment of the poor.

You know, that’s an interesting thing that I’m not going to get into in this longass chapter. Javert’s evil and Thenardier’s evil are different because I feel like Javert’s evil is a lot more muddied or obscured by morality and duty and things like that. Where are the Thenardiers are bad but the badness of their actions is much more black and white. I think it’s also because, technically, they never have social power over anyone unless they are manipulative, whereas Javert always has the social power. I’m not sure where to go with either of these ideas but I will look back on it for a shorter chapter.

Cosette is ugly because she’s sad. It’s like the exact opposite of Roald Dahl’s description of ugliness. I called it on the orphanage thing and kids looking years younger than they are; she looks 6 when she’s 8. That doesn’t seem like a huge difference when you look at it written down but the difference between the size and maturity of a 6 year old vs an 8 year old is surprising.

In the way that the description of the doll was a distant echo of young Fantine, the description of Cosette here is a faded echo of dying Fantine.

“Fear was spread all over here; she was, so to speak, covered with it; fear squeezed her elbows against her sides, drew her heels up under her skirt, made her shrink into the least possible space...” I’m sure this description comes from Hugo observing children in his lifetime, but I also wonder if any of this comes from his brother who had schizophrenia and was institutionalized?

“The expression on the face of this child of eight was habitually so sad and occasionally so tragic that it seemed, at certain moments, as if she were on the way to becoming an idiot or a demon.” What an interesting pair of choices. Fear and sadness either stun and numb you completely or they turn you aggressive and evil. Hugo said the same thing before when talking about Valjean’s prison time. Again, like I said before, Cosette here is Valjean when we first met him: exhausted, scared, sad, numb, hatefully terrified of the people around her; the difference is that she still has hope. She had that moment of hoping someone would rescue her, she had the moment of pausing and wondering what the doll’s paradise was like; when we met Valjean he was past that kind of hope.

(Funny that Mme Thenardier doesn’t suspect the trick Valjean just pulled, despite Valjean “finding” a 20 sous piece instead of 15 sous piece.)

I love the description of Eponine and Azelma because it’s so innocent. They as little human beings aren’t morally bankrupt at the level of their parents yet. They’re still pretty and glowing. Partly because they are well-cared for unlike Cosette, and partly because they are still innocent.

“Eponine and Azelma did not notice Cosette. To them she was like the dog. The three little girls did not have twenty-four years among them, and they already represented the whole of human society: on one side envy, on the other disdain.”

Ah, human microcosms. Hugo loves those. The Thenardier children and Cosette are the pared down, simplified version of society. It’s also an excellent example of how Privilege works in layers. The girls’ doll is worn and old and broken, but the fact of them having a real doll and Cosette having nothing is already a layer of privilege Someone else, another little girl with wealthy parents and a new intact doll would have privilege over the Thenardier girls. There are layers.

I really love this passage too because it shows the start of the zero-sum game between Eponine and Cosette. At no point are Eponine and Cosette able to be equals. But the important thing is that neither of them are aware of this. Later, when Cosette and Eponine encounter each other again in the Gorbeau house, Eponine doesn’t have the awareness to be angry about the reversal of their fortunes. She seems sad, mostly, a jealousy born from a feeling of worthlessness rather than feeling slighted. And Cosette doesn’t even recognize Eponine, so there’s no room at all for disdain on her part, unless she’s disdainful of Eponine et al due to their poverty, though that never seems to be the case. But Eponine cannot be happy while Cosette is and Cosette cannot be happy while Eponine is, because their goals occupy the same fulcrum (Marius) and they can’t both be on the same level at the same time.

Fanfiction has explored this a lot in modern AU but I wonder the kind of havoc that could have been wreaked had Cosette and Eponine met and become proper acquaintances. Their teenage personalities are two sides of the same coin. I’ve always been of the opinion that had they switched places as children Cosette would have ended up like Eponine and Eponine like Cosette. Because Eponine has the capacity for kindness within her, except that she doesn’t know how to use it selflessly; and Cosette has the same stubborn ruthlessness as Eponine, except that she is held back by convention and reduced to talking a lot in order to try and somehow glean information from Valjean or Marius.

“Now your work belongs to me. Play, my child.” This is the second (or third?) Myriel moment for Valjean. Cosette is a child, an innocent child, but her soul doesn’t need to be bought for god. As far as I can tell, for Hugo, children are always holy. Instead, he’s buying her work. But that makes sense. For Valjean, his soul needed to be bought for god because he had already lost it to sin and to evil and to doubt. Cosette still has hope; what she needs bought from her is suffering.

And here is where the parallel continues. Cosette up until now has been Valjean as we first met him: sullen, suffering, scared, dulled, close to becoming “an idiot or a demon” and now, like Valjean’s soul, her work has been bought so she can be free.

I think it is within the walls of the convent that their parallels will catch up to each other and they will become more equal.

I feel as though the cat in a dress vs the sword in a dress must be some sort of parallel to Eponine and Cosette’s personalities but I’m not quite sure how to pull the meaning out.

“A little girl without a doll is almost as unfortunate and just as impossible as a woman without children.” Ugh. Gross, Hugo. This whole chapter was so lovely and then this misogynist bullshit.

I can explain the “water on her brain” line! Mostly because it’s a medical condition I actually have! So, “water on the brain” is another term for hydrocephalus, which is a buildup of cerebrospinal fluid in the ventricles of the brain. It can be caused by being born prematurely (like mine was) or by infections/head trauma. Nowadays they can put a shunt in your head that pumps the fluid into the abdominal cavity (which is what I have), but obviously they didn’t have the technology back then. So what happens to the head if the fluid doesn’t drain, is the head will start to increase in size, and the fluid buildup will squish the brain against the sides of the skull, causing seizures and brain damage/intellectual disabilities and vision problems and other such things. I function perfectly fine except for mild dyscalculia and ADHD (which might have been genetic anyway) but back in the 19th century hydrocephalus probably would have resulted in either mild-to-severe disabilities or death.

Cosette doesn’t have hydrocephalus, but what she does have is severe malnutrition, which can make a person’s head look much too large for their body. So Mme Thenardier is likely using Cosette’s appearance due to neglect to fake that she has a neurological problem and explain why they have to “take care of” her.

Jesus fucking christ this next bit is so much. There’s so much going on. Mme Thenardier is talking to Valjean about Cosette’s mother, the drinkers are singing vulgar songs about the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus, and Cosette is under the table singing “My mother is dead.” to herself. Woof. It is, yet again, an instance of the memory of “Fantine” (in the symbolic, saintly form of the Virgin) being sullied both by the foul songs of the drinkers and the callous, flippant commentary of Mme Thenardier. And Cosette is there under the table, staring at the fire, suddenly playing the role of her own mother, rocking the sword-baby (herself) to try and comfort herself from the shock of this new knowledge that her mother is dead.

(Anyone else read As I Laying Dying, by the way? All I could think of when I read that line was “My mother is a fish.”)

We start to see Cosette’s bold personality come out in fits and starts. She’s brave enough to sneak out and grab the doll Eponine and Azelma have abandoned. But it’s also an example of how desperate she is for something pleasurable and good, considering she’s doing that at the risk of a beating.

For the second time, we see Cosette so absorbed in her moment of “I Want” that she doesn’t see or hear anything else. Again, this seems unusual considering her constant hypervigilance. But her success in getting the doll and her increased confidence due to Valjean’s presence probably have something to do with her lack of awareness.

Cosette is caught with the doll. Is this the parallel of Valjean being caught with Myriel’s silver? Mme Thenardier says “That beggar has dared to touch the children’s doll.” The gendarmes don’t say as much when they return Valjean to Myriel, but it’s pretty obvious they’re thinking something similar.

“We are forced to add that at that moment she stuck out her tongue.” COSETTE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE DESERVES THE WORLD. Also I just love the way Hugo writes children, it’s so real.

Why did Hugo choose Catherine for the name of the doll? Is it to do with St Catherine? She (the saint) became Christian at 14 and converted hundreds of people before being martyred at 18 after rebuking the Roman emperor for his cruelty and winning a debate with his best philosophers.

“This solitary man, so poorly dressed, who took five-franc pieces from his pocket so easily and lavished gigantic dolls on little brats in wooden clogs, was certainly a magnificent and formidable individual.” Valjean is now Myriel. Outsiders are fascinated by him because he dresses so shabbily and yet is so benevolent and charitable with his money. Again, the difference is that Myriel’s name is always known, and Valjean’s is never known.

I know I say this so often but the distance with which Hugo treats Valjean is absolutely fascinating to me. Valjean has this incredible power to just go inside himself and not move, but we never get that kind if internality unless it’s really really important (like with the Champmathieu affair). Otherwise, Hugo keeps a respectful distance, and even when we get Valjean’s emotions described to us, I feel like Hugo is always holding back a little, like he’s not letting himself see all the way into Valjean, or Valjean isn’t letting him in.

Valjean asks for a stable; I think this is the first time we see his whole thing about sacrifice of physical comfort. Things like this asking for the stable and sleeping in the shed behind the house at Rue Plumet and not having chairs and only eating black bread etc. This is the first example we see of him feeling unworthy of physical comforts to such a degree.

(It’s interesting to me that we don’t see this characteristic when he was mayor, or at least not to this extreme. Is it because it would be unbecoming of a mayor and therefore would blow his cover? Or did going back to prison hammer in that feeling of worthlessness and lesser-than and warp his perception of what he is compared to others?)

“What a sublime, sweet thing is hope in a child who has never known anything but its opposite!” We’ve said this already, but Cosette is full of hope and life and light and that is Important because it is exactly what Valjean did not have when he was in her position. But it means that she doesn’t have to work as hard in her ascent towards happiness and goodness.

And, lastly, I love that the placement of the gold Louis in Cosette’s shoe isn’t just a sweet Christmas gesture or a gesture towards Cosette: it’s also an echo of M Madeleine breaking into houses to place gold pieces on the table.

Wow. Long af post for a long af chapter. Congratulations if you read through all of my rambling thoughts.

[carmichealroyals]

CRUMPLEBOTTOM HALL, 10:25PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Helen: You’re far too critical of him, Bea. One of these days, he’s going to treat you the exact same way.

Beatrice: He basically already does! He’s got a strong stomach for it, growing up with his family, I’m sure. His Highness will be just fine. 

Helen: I’m sure he’s not as bad as you think he is. He seems nice enough to me. You just don’t like competition.

Beatrice: Yes, he’s absolutely stuffed -- like a crash test dummy. All fluff, no substance. 

Helen: How long has this... battle of wits been going on, anyway?

Beatrice: Since Intro to Poli Sci. Thinks he knows everything because his uncle is the King. It doesn’t matter, because I always win. He starts off fine, but then by the time I’ve looped around him a couple times, he’s dumber than a sack of rocks. 

Helen: Well... I actually invited him here tonight.

Beatrice: You what?! Helen, I love you, but.... why?

Helen: I figured he could use some socialization that wasn’t all hob-knobbing and rubbing elbows is all. You know, meet more people his age that won’t bow or curtsey when he walks in the room. He asked if he could bring a friend, and I said he could--

Beatrice: Great, two of them. If it’s his friend, then he’ll be just as bad, if not worse. Did he say who he was bringing?

Helen: No, I don’t think--

Beatrice: Never mind, it doesn’t matter. He’s a Prince, he’s obviously got people lining up to talk to him, which means no friendship of his will last beyond the month. 

Hugo: Why did you bring me here again?

Benedict: I told you, Hughie, I wanted some moral support here. Bea is going to be here, and if I’m going to have to talk to her I need you to pull me out of there. I was invited, so I came, but only to be polite. I have no intention of enjoying myself. 

Hugo: That’s an excellent mood to bring to a university party, Ben. Truly the life of the party.

Benedict: Shut up. I just want to get in, have a couple of drinks, and go home--

Beatrice: --he’s basically a disease! Let’s call him Benedictitus. A nasty infection that’s easy to catch and a pain to get rid of.

Benedict: You’ve got to be kidding me. She’s basically holding court! *starts to walk away*

Hugo: Ben, wait! 

Beatrice: All I have to say is God help the poor soul he’s chained to him for the evening -- if he’s caught Benedictitus, he’ll be bankrupt before he’s cured.

Helen: Remind me to stay on your good side. 

Beatrice: I’d recommend it.

Helen: You’re sure you’ll never give him a chance? Never ever?

Beatrice: Not until we see a hot January. 

Benedict: You know, with the way global warming is going, that’s getting more and more likely by the day, so I think I’ll hold out hope for that. 

Beatrice: I’m sorry, Helen, did you.... did you hear something? It sounded like an obnoxious squeak of an entitled rich boy. It’s probably just my imagination.

*group laughs*

Benedict: Maybe I’ll just keep squeaking then until you notice me. 

Beatrice: *sighs* I’m amazed you’re still talking, Benedick. Nobody’s listening to you. *stands*

Benedict: Lady Disdain, in the flesh. I’m surprised you’re not dead, considering how long it’s been since you’ve talked to me.

Beatrice: How could disdain die when you’re still a constant nuisance? When you enter a room, common courtesy is to be disdainful. Or did you not get the briefing? 

Benedict: Then Lady Courtesy is a traitor, especially since women are my biggest fan. Except for you, of course. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m so hard-hearted: it’s to prevent me from being swayed by your.... charms. Or anyone else’s, for that matter. 

Beatrice: A great boon to all female kind, as you would make a terrible boyfriend, if how you treat me has any indication of how you treat other women. Thank goodness this is something we can agree on -- I would rather listen to a chihuahua bark at a crow than hear a man say he loves me. 

Benedict: It’s probably for the best you stay that way, or your poor husband will end up with his face bitten off.

Beatrice: If he had a face like yours, a missing face would be an improvement. 

Benedict: You’re not even that clever, Beatrice, you just parrot back whatever I say. 

Beatrice: I’d rather be a squawking bird than a pig like you. 

Benedict: If only one of my many, many horses moved as fast as your mouth and was as tireless -- I’d probably win the Ascot by a mile. 

Beatrice: The real question is who the horse would be and who would be the rider. 

Benedict: You know what, coming here tonight was clearly a mistake. I’m done here.

Beatrice: Running away from a fight, are we? Some Prince you are. You always do this, thinking you can get the last word by just walking away. You always slip out of the argument like this, I know you, but it won’t work this time. 

Benedict: Beatrice, I don’t want to argue with you--

Beatrice: What are you afraid of? That a girl might dare to have a bigger brain than you, that she might have the audacity to show up a puny little Prince through a bit of verbal sparring? What’s keeping you from taking me on, Benedick? 

Helen: I am so sorry about Beatrice. She was already in a mood tonight, but then I told her that Benedict was coming and she just started... and once she starts, she doesn’t really stop. 

Hugo: No, no, it’s no trouble, really. Benedict is a tyrant at home some days, being the oldest of four. It’s honestly a relief to see him be knocked down a peg or two. I’d be worried to see her and my sister go toe to toe, though. She might give Gigi a run for her money. 

Helen: *laughs* She could give anyone a run for their money, I think. She’s certainly got a way with words. I should go see how everyone else is doing, make sure nobody’s broken anything--

Hugo: Wait! I didn’t.... It’s just that I didn’t get your name. 

Helen: You... you want to know my name?

Hugo: Well, yes. That is how people introduce themselves to strangers so they can become friends. And... and I would very much like to be your friend, Miss...

Helen: Leon. Helen Leon. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your--

Hugo: No, no no, please don’t call me that here. It’s Hugo. Just Hugo. 

Helen: Okay. It’s a pleasure, Hugo.

Hugo: Trust me, Helen - the pleasure is all mine. 

[shesey]

Wintering by Katherine May

“Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness; perhaps from a life event such as a bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from a humiliation or failure. Perhaps you’re in a period of transition, and have temporarily fallen between two worlds. Some winterings creep upon us more slowly, accompanying the protracted death of a relationship, the gradual ratcheting up of caring responsibilities as our parents age, the drip-drip-drip of lost confidence. Some are appallingly sudden, like discovering one day that your skills are considered obsolete, the company you worked for has gone bankrupt, or your partner is in love with someone new. However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful. Yet it is also inevitable. We like to imagine that it’s possible for life to be one eternal summer, and that we have uniquely failed to achieve that for ourselves.” “Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible. Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season when the world takes on a sparse beauty, and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order.” “That’s what humans do: we make and remake our stories, abandoning the ones that no longer fit and trying on new ones for size.” “In the changing room later, I experience a different kind of warmth: the nakedness of a dozen women, all unashamed. These aren’t the posing bodies you find on the beach, dieted beyond al joy to be bikini-ready, and tanned as an act of disguise. These are northern bodies, slack-bottomed and dimpling, with unruly pubic hair and the scars of hysterectomies, chattering companionably in a language I don’t understand. They are a glimpse of life yet to come: a message of survival, passed on through the generations. It’s a message I rarely find in my buttoned-up home country, and I think about the times I’ve suffered silent furies at the treacheries of my own body, imagining them to be unique.” “Ghost stories may be a part of the terror of Halloween, but our love of ghost stories betrays a far more fragile desire: that we do not fade so easily from this life.” “Winter has decorated ordinary life. Some days, everything sparkles.” “You realize that no one is what they look like, on the surface. Everybody has their dose of suffering; it’s just more hidden in some than in others.” “I think about this a lot, she says, the needle breaks the fabric in order to repair it. You can’t have one without the other.” “In the absence of sunlight, it would be too costly to maintain the machinery of growth.” “I’m fairly certain that my decision not to have a second child rests squarely on my worship of sleep.” “I have nothing to show for my forty-odd years on this earth, except for a pile of dusty books.” “4am. The ego flares like a struck match: bright, blue, fleeting. I am thankful to be alone when this happens, to let it burn out in private. We should sometimes be grateful for the solitudes of night, of a winter. They save us from displaying our worse selves to the waking world.” “Certainty is a dead space in which there’s no more room to grow. Wavering is painful. I’m glad to be travelling between the two.” “Sometimes writing is a race against your own mind, as your hand labours to keep up with the flood tide of your thoughts, and I feel that most acutely at night, when there are no competing demands on my attention. That slightly sleepy, dazed state erods the barriers of my waking brain.” “I can confess all my sins to a piece of paper, with no one to censor it.” “Our personal winters are so often accompanies by insomnia, but perhaps we are still drawn towards that unique space of intimacy and contemplation, darkness, and silence, without really knowing what we’re seeking. Perhaps, after all, we are being urged towards our own comfort.” “Lucy is a symbol of absolute faith and utter purity, but the sins for which she suffers are not her own. Instead, she shoulders the weight of the male gaze, and is destroyed by it.” “Some winters creep up on us so slowly that they have infiltrated every part of our lives before we truly feel them.” “We felt broken into pieces, but at the same time, never so loved.” “We changed our focus away from pushing through with normal life, and towards making a new one. When everything is broken, everything is also up for grabs. That’s the gift of winter: it’s irresistible. Change will happen in its wake, whether we like it or not. We can come out of it wearing a different coat.” “I could have stood there and cried on the spot, just knowing that I wasn’t alone.” “I felt accepted in a way that I hand’t for months.” “This isn’t just an unkind attitude, it does us harm, because it stops us from learning that disaster happens, and how to adapt when it does. It stops us from reaching out to people who are suffering. And, when our own disaster comes, it forces us into a humiliated retreat, as we try to hunt down mistakes that we never made in the first place.” “I simply had no defence against the changes that were happening in my life.” “Life never does quite offer us those simply happy endings. I often that that it’s all part of my own craving: the moral clarity of cause and effect, reward and punishment for my actions. A map for living that renders everything explicable.” “All her desires were for elemental things: love, a little comfort, the society of interesting people. Everyday life is so often isolated, dreary, and lonely. A little craving is understandable. A little craving might actually be the rallying cry for survival.” “I love the inconvenience [of snow] the same way that I can sneakingly love a bad cold: the irresistible disruption to mundane life, forcing you to stop for a while and step outside of your normal habits.” “In autumn, the male drones are sacrificed because they’re no longer of any use, and would otherwise just be hungry mounts to feed.”  “Our lives take different shapes: we do not work in a linear progression through fixed roles like the honeybee. We are not consistently useful to the world at large. We talk about the complexity of the hive, but human societies are infinitely more complex, full of choices and mistakes, periods of glory and seasons of utter despair. Some of us make highly visible, elaborate contributions to the whole; some of us are just part of the ticking mechanics of the world, the incremental wealth of small gestures. All of it matters. All of it weaves the wider fabric that binds us.” “We may sometimes drift through years in which we feel like a negative presence in the world, but we come back again, not only restored, but bringing more than we brought before: more wisdom, more compassion, a greater capacity to reach deep into our roots and know that we will find water.” “Usefulness, in itself, is a useless concept when it comes to humans. I don’t think we were ever meant to think about others in terms of their use to us.” “We flourish on caring, on doling out love.” “Winter is a time for the quiet arts of making: for knitting and sewing, baking and simmering, repairing and restoring our homes.” “We sing because it fills our lungs with nourishing air, and lets our heart soar with the notes we let out. We sing because it allows us to speak of love and loss, delight and desire, all encoded in lyrics that let us pretend that those feelings are not quite ours.” “As I walk, I remind myself ot the words of Alan Watts: ‘To hold your breath is to lose your breath.’ In The Wisdom of Insecurity, Watts makes a case that always convinces me, but which I always seem to forget: that life is, by nature, uncontrollable. That we should stop trying to finalize our comfort and security somehow, and instead find a radical acceptance of the endless, unpredictable change that is the very essence of this life. Our suffering, he says, comes from the fight we put up against this fundamental truth: ‘Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain, trying to be brave is being scared. If the mind is in pain, the mind is in pain. The thinker has no other form than his thought. There is no escape.” “The future, to which we devote so much of our brainpower, is an unstable element, entirely unknowable.” “When we endlessly ruminate in these distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. They are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now; the direct perception of our senses.” “I’m beginning to think that unhappiness is one of the simple things in life: a pure, basic emotion to be respected, if not savoured. I would never dream of suggesting that we should wallow in misery, or shrink from doing everything we can to alleviate it; but I do think it’s instructive. After all, unhappiness has a function: it tells us that something is going wrong. If we don’t allow ourselves the fundamental honesty of our own sadness, then we miss an important cue to adapt. We seem to be living in an age when we’re bombarded with entreaties to be happy, but we’re suffering from an avalanche of depression; we’re urged to stop sweating the small stuff, and yet we’re chronically anxious. I often wonder if these are just normal feelings that become monstrous when they’re denied. A great deal of life will always suck. There will be moments when we’re riding high, and moments when we can’t bear to get out of bed. Both are normal. Both, in fact, require a little perspective.” “We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while when we’re finding our feet again. We need people who acknowledge that we can’t always hang on in there; that sometimes, everything breaks.” “I recognized winter. I saw it coming (a mile off, since you ask), and I looked it in the eye,. I greeted it, and let it in. I had some tricks up my sleeve, you see. I’ve learned them the hard way. When I started feeling the drag of winter, I began to treat myself like a favoured child: with kindness and love. I assumed my needs were reasonable, and that my feelings were signals of something important.” “We tend to imagine that our lives are linear, but they are in fact cyclical. I would not, or course, seek to deny that we grow gradually older, but while doing so, we pass through phases of good health and ill, of optimism and deep doubt, of freedom and constraint.”

[baddyxangel]

Go is not like chess. Chess is a battle, Go is a war. Go is played by laying stones on the intersections of lines that form the board, or Goban’s, grid – these are called Moku and represent 1 territory. The two players take opposing sides and unlike chess in Go black goes first but white is awarded a ½ moku handicap, because Go is a game of skill players can be awarded up to twenty stones handicap, and it can be played on three sizes of board. A master might play with a neophyte in a game called Shidou-Go where the point is not to win but to teach. Go is unique in this. Play falls into two forms, Gote and Sente, or aggressive and defensive play, it is generally the player who stays in Gote (aggressive) longest who wins the game. When the board is full (the other way to win is if the other play concedes due to a lack of territory and being unable to catch up) the moku are marked with stones to make them easier to count, the person with the most moku wins. However, again unlike Chess, Go presents the possibility of the Divine Move, sometimes called The Hand of God, a move so out of left field and amazing it turns the game around and takes a player from Sente to Gote. A divine move is considered so rare that professional Go players might go their whole lifetime without one being played – not that they might not see it played against them, but it won’t even be played in their lifetime. Yet a Divine Move might not win the game, it just turns the game from crushing defeat to offer a hope. Understanding Go and how it’s played it becomes apparent how very rare it is. Now, like Chess, Go is rarely played with the move at hand, it’s played as many moves ahead as is possible and between two equals in skill it’s the one how plays that one move more that wins. It becomes a matter of if I move here, he’ll move there, which mean I can move there and he’ll move there and I can then capture that territory for example. A reactionary player will get crushed – speaking from experience. So the idea that Stiles was sat at that Goban playing against the Nogitsune was ludicrous, where a child who knows the moves could possibly beat a chess grand master it wouldn’t happen with Go, and it was a full sized board. I can’t look at the board and say who was winning, I can’t look at finished games and tell you who won without counting off the stones, and until the game is considered complete it can go either way in the placement of a single stone. It’s not like Chess at all in that, so although people could look at the chess board and point out the errant pieces we cannot simply do that with Go, so the point becomes not the moves that are played but who is playing them. Now when Derek rebuilt the chessboard he had seen in Stiles’ bedroom Peter distinctly said “chess was Stiles’ game” and he was right. Stiles admitted in 3a that he could play chess (badly, it was his father’s game) and Go is a game that takes years to master. When Noshiko tried to teach Kira Go Mr Yukimura was able to immediately tell who was who by the style of play and Kira was playing against the Nogitsune – her mother. And that was the final piece I needed, the Divine Move I needed to process the information. Noshiko is the Nogitsune, she always was. A nogitsune is not necessarily evil, it can’t be, it’s not subject to our morality. It is a trickster and vampiric in nature, feeding on chaos, but the only thing that separates a nogitsune from a kitsune is the affiliation to O-Inari. A nogitsune is a free kitsune. Now, a nogitsune is a trickster and because it’s tricks don’t share our morality they might seem needlessly cruel. The old example is if you asked a kitsune (or nogitsune) to make you richer than Bill Gates it would bankrupt Bill Gates so you had more money than him. If a kitsune affiliated with a family saw that the family were poor it would steal money not understanding that this was wrong. Noshiko, in her flashback, incites the riot. Satomi, the wolf lady, tells her that her mischief will end badly but she does it anyway. When the riot happens it gets out of control and Rhys is immolated and Noshiko herself is shot. On the way to death she begs her ancestors to send a powerful Nogitsune but there is no evidence that they did, she merely assumed that they did. Instead Void showed up. It’s quite obvious in retrospect, when the Nogitsune appeared to Stiles it begged him for permission to possess him, but there was no way that it could possess Rhys the same way, it needed permission which Noshiko knew because she offered it to the spirits of her ancestors. So it couldn’t have been a Nogitsune that possessed Rhys, also look at it’s actions, it didn’t play pranks or get even, it slaughtered everyone who came near. There are many shows I would discount it as bad writing but not Teen Wolf, so I just looked more closely. I knew by that point there was a second possessing force, Void, so it was easy to make the leap that Void possessed Rhys, but Void was antagonistic to Noshiko, after all she had trapped it, and this explained why she summoned the Oni to destroy it. We knew it couldn’t be a Nogitsune that was possessing Stiles because of how easily it destroyed the Oni and how easily the Oni had killed the Nogitsune before in Chris’ flashback – therefore it had to be something else and something more powerful – ergo Void. But, we had seen the Nogitsune ask for and gain possession, not once but twice, so we knew that Stiles WAS possessed by the Nogitsune and that the Nogitsune for reasons was appearing as Rhys (looking exactly like the Batman Villain Hush, a character who works primarily on misdirection btw) If we turn our attention back to Noshiko we find inconsistencies, she said she was 900 years old which means she would have 9 Kaiken, she had spaces for 9 in the book but we actually only see 8, the original five Oni, the two she summoned to replace those who were killed and the Kaiken that Void uses to take control of the Oni. So where was the ninth? I think she used it to summon the Nogitsune that possessed Stiles, adoppelgänger form of herself to possess Stiles and she did it to defeat Void. This is where Go becomes important. When Scott and Lydia entered the dreamscape they saw Stiles sitting on the Nemeton playing Go with the Nogitsune, but we’ve already proved Stiles couldn’t play Go against a master, it wouldn’t be a competition, so we have to make the assumption it wasn’t Stiles that was playing Go, that means it was Void. The Nogitsune appeared at the coyote den when Stiles went missing, and this is a good example of the Nogitsune fighting Void. Void wants despair, and by taking Stiles to the coyote den Stiles was meant to die, by alerting Scott and setting up a manhunt it was meant to show them fail. It was only luck that Rafael McCall found him, it wasn’t planned that way, we know that because the Nogitsune asked for possession his exact words “we’re trying to save your life, Stiles.” Now imagine for a moment that Agent McCall had not found him in time, imagine the despair that would have wreaked the town, Scott, Derek, the sheriff would all have lost hope. The brain scans happened before the Nogitsune took possession in the machine, and the cable was doctored before then. If the Nogitsune HAD possession it wouldn’t have needed permission. This is when they start playing Go, the Nogitsune and Void are playing against each other, using Stiles as their Goban. Possessed Stiles went to see Mr Yukimura and caused a fly to go inside Mr Yukimura forcing Noshiko to go to the school to expel it. This meant that Noshiko told Scott in front of Mr Yukimura who urged her to be more honest. But the point of it from Void’s perspective was simple – the sword was broken and couldn't be used to defeat him this time. This would cause despair. This then became the Nogitsune’s move. The Nogitsune knew Kira was a thunder kitsune and could reforge the sword, thus preventing Void’s move and setting up an attack of his own, but it had it’s downsides, Nogitsune knew that Noshiko, seeing the photo, would go to the basement and take the Kaiken with her – thus revealing the Kaiken to Void. Ie the move that Void had put in play to get the Kaiken directly was thwarted but everything was in place for it to get it another way. But with Nogitsune still in control when Noshiko appeared in the basement it used the Kaiken to expel the flies seemingly working for Void but preventing it taking the Oni that early. And although Void could control a corpse – possibly part of it’s idea for killing Stiles – because it controlled Rhys, Nogitsune could create a double so when Scott and Lydia faced it at the nemeton in the dreamscape it did that – which of them made that move I don’t know because it helped both of them – but it meant that the Shugendo scroll suddenly applied. A fox could possess a wolf, but the fox’s fake body was entirely that of a fox and it couldn’t sustain the bite. But look at how Nogitsune acted in the dreamscape, it drove Lydia to the double doors- it pushed her to the solution. The same thing happened in the illusion with Stiles, in pressing Stiles to kill himself it gave him the sword’s reflection allowing him to see that it was an illusion – all without revealing to Void it was working to SAVE Stiles. That was the Divine Move, not that Stiles overcame the illusion, but that the nogitsune managed to play void to the point where it could both be captured and destroyed. The nogitsune’s false body was susceptible to the sword meaning that Void could not maintain it and the sword expelled it, and it did it all without revealing to Void that it was antagonistic. Void wasn’t affected by the bite – but the Nogitsune’s own body was. Nogitsune wouldn’t be affected by the sword – but Void was. It had to be both or Void wouldn’t have tried to escape to be caught in the jar. The victor of the game wasn’t Void who threw aside the pieces in the dreamscape, but Nogitsune who played that many more moves ahead. Nogitsune sacrificed the Oni to get the flies out of Stiles, Nogitsune who led Stiles and Lydia to save themselves. Nogitsune who played consistently in Gote was revealed to be leading Void into the moves it needed to gain final victory. A divine move indeed. And the biggest hint that Noshiko was the Nogitsune was in her interactions with possessed Stiles, and possessed Stiles’ own words. Noshiko recognised Void in the hospital and spoke of it’s choice of host and how it wouldn’t stop her, this was just after Nogitsune had been given possession. It could be argued that she knew because of the killing on the Oni but why wait until afterwards to confront him. Noshiko could play Go. Noshiko was nice to unpossessed Stiles. So we had a kitsune of indeterminate type who had both a vendetta against the force that killed Rhys and could play Go – and then Stiles’ own words – you can’t trust a fox, they’ll trick you every time. It’s unclear if it was Nogitsune speaking here but it is clear that it wasn’t really aimed at Scott at all. If it was Nogitsune it was telling Scott that it would defeat Void and if it was Void it was telling Scott it couldn’t trust Nogitsune – but in reality it was the warning that the fox would always come out triumphant – and that is the moral of Japanese Fox myths = you don’t mess with foxes they always win. The Go game was between Noshiko – Nogitsune and Void, Nogitsune tricked Void and defeated it by showing Stiles how to defeat it and creating the fake body.

[ogradyfilm]

Recently Viewed: First Love

Takashi Miike has always had a penchant for bending, subverting, and outright breaking traditional genre conventions. Audition, for instance, begins as a lighthearted romcom before abruptly veering into the territory of straight-up torture porn; the various tragedies and indignities suffered by the eponymous family in The Happiness of the Katakuris, meanwhile, are conveyed via absurdly elaborate musical numbers. In his latest effort—First Love, an unapologetically pulpy neo-noir that hearkens back to the yakuza thrillers of his early career—the prolific filmmaker immediately asserts his authorial voice, intercutting a Rocky-style training montage with a brutal gangland murder; the moment the thud of our hero’s fists pummeling a heavy bag seamlessly transitioned into the wet smack of a severed head bouncing across concrete, I knew that I was in for one hell of a roller coaster ride.

[MAJOR SPOILERS below the break; please proceed with caution!]

The catalyst of the gleefully convoluted plot is Kase, a mid-level mobster whose ambition vastly exceeds his competence. Convinced that his organization will soon collapse under the strain of its leadership’s constant bickering, he conspires with an equally inept corrupt cop to steal a shipment of meth from one of his underlings and blame it on a rival Chinese crew, raking in a huge profit while both sides are preoccupied with slaughtering each other. Unfortunately, he neglects to factor two key players into his ill-advised caper: Monica, the drug-addicted prostitute locked in his subordinate’s apartment; and Leo, a washed-up boxer with an inoperable brain tumor and absolutely nothing to lose. The unforeseen interference of these unwitting interlopers quickly causes his carefully-laid plans to unravel into a blood-soaked comedy of errors—and as the body count rises, his sanity plummets.

Although the premise is undeniably derivative—Masa Nakamura’s screenplay owes an enormous debt to Fargo, True Romance, and Baby Driver—Miike’s direction is so confident, committed, and elegant that it’s difficult to truly care; he has, after all, helmed over one hundred features (many of which, I’m sad to say, have never been released in the U.S.), and if he’s learned one lesson from all of that experience, it’s how to slap a fresh coat of paint on a familiar story. But even without his bold visual flourishes (including a car chase rendered entirely in neon-drenched animation—a prime example of how to creatively circumvent a limited budget), the base material is still surprisingly solid. Leo, in particular, is a thoroughly captivating protagonist: abandoned as an infant, he drifts through life without passion or purpose, becoming a boxer simply because he has an innate talent for the sport. Despite his impressive skill in the ring, his performance is conspicuously lacking in enthusiasm (indeed, the opening sequence ends with his trainer berating him for refusing to celebrate a recent victory); his terminal condition merely exacerbates his preexisting nihilistic attitude. Encountering Monica and discovering her traumatic past, however, completely alters his bitter worldview, providing his broken soul with the vital piece it’s been missing: a cause worth fighting for—if he’s just going to die in a few months anyway, he might as well dedicate his little remaining time to protecting an innocent victim from further torment.

And then the big third act twist arrives, threatening to totally derail every bit of Leo’s character development: the doctor that delivered his fatal diagnosis was mistaken, and he is, in fact, perfectly healthy. Literally five seconds later, the villains generously offer to allow him to walk away from the conflict unscathed—if he surrenders the girl. Still reeling from the revelation that he actually has a future beyond a premature demise, he very nearly succumbs to the temptation to accept... but ultimately, he can’t bring himself to desert his new friend. “When I thought I was dying, I could do anything,” he declares, renewed conviction burning in his veins. “And I still can!” It’s a sentiment pregnant with deeper significance that elevates First Love’s otherwise minimalistic narrative. Yes, there’s a certain guilty pleasure to be found in watching a rogues’ gallery of morally-bankrupt crooks, assassins, and scoundrels meet their grisly, gory ends (see also: Joe Carnahan’s Smokin’ Aces), but the implicit call to action in that statement—its desperate plea for humanity, compassion, and common decency in the face of apathy, complacency, and pessimism—lends the movie some much-needed heart.

[illuminatingfear]

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose a number of people to be tagged.

I was tagged by: @alan-of-all-trades​!! thank uuu <3

LAST:

Last drink: Water; does that count? if not, chocolate milk from the day before.

Last phone call: I called Walgreens to find out if my doc had sent in a prescription. (He didn’t)

Last text message: From my mother

Last song you listened to: I think it was literally “Bonetrousle” from Undertale lmao

Last time I cried: I think two days ago - I was having a bad PTSD day where I dreamed about my abuser and it shook me. I made a thread in a Prog group asking for uplifting music and so many people delivered... One of the videos made me cry from how beautiful and how needed it was.  For those who need some goodness, it was Jon Anderson singing “Awaken” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_Va3e_52TE

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: Do you mean in a Date-we broke up-now we’re dating again kind of deal? Because no, but I have gone on several dates with the same person before.

Been cheated on: ...kinda??

Kissed someone and regretted it: Unfortunately, yes

Lost someone special: Many people; some from me realizing they were toxic for me in one way or another, and a lot, unfortunately, from them passing. 

Been depressed: when haven’t I, let’s be real

Been drunk and thrown up: No, actually!

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend: Absolutely!

Fallen out of love: boyy I haven’t been in love in a number of years, so nope!

Laughed until you cried: oh god this happens so much (but actually)

Met someone who changed you: oh definitely, most people I’ve known have had impact and taught me something new!

Found out who your true friends are: oh definitely! I’ve been shaving off the toxicity from my friends-circles for a few years now as certain people reveal their true colours, and this year is noooo exception.

Found out someone was talking about you: surprisingly a lot of people do, and usually not in a bad way!

GENERAL:

How many people on Tumblr do you know in real life: three/??

Do you have any pets: no and my heart breaks more every day I’m not hugging a kitten, goddammit. i haven’t had pets since my two cats have passed, years ago. :( 

Do you want to change your name: kinda, yeah, which is why I choose to shorten it so that it’s gender-ambiguous.

What time did you wake up this morning: 8:40am!

What were you doing last night: painting, figuring out medication bs, and watching my bff stream Undertale

Name something you cannot wait for: financial stability lol

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my dad’s name...

What’s getting on your nerves rn: right now I’m pretty calm, but I’m sure I’ll get incensed about anti-humanitarian morally bankrupt right-wing/libertarians/nazis/alt-right/racist fuckery at some point today lmao

Blood type: O+ JUST LIKE MIDORIYA

Nickname: "Father Christmas” from college lmao

Relationship status: single! soorrrta looking? constantly re-evaluating what i find attractive in people and if I’m ready for a relationship again even tho it’s been years lol

Zodiac sign: cancer~

Pronouns: they/them

Favorite tv show: uhhhHHHH the... food... network... in its entirety... (and cooking channel!)

College: finished undergrad by the skin of my mental health. seriously. will likely not pursue anything else except for certain certifications.

Hair colour: “dark blonde” as someone once said lol

Do you have a crush on someone: nope!

What do you like about yourself: I’m unbreakably honest and have a strong morality. also i’m good at reacting quickly to things.

FIRSTS:

First surgery: appendectomy! and now I learn those aren’t even necessary! 

First piercing: didn’t happen, and probably won’t

First sport you joined: uhhhh. i think I joined volleyball, basketball, and floor hockey at the same time. 

First vacation: uhhhhh

First pair of sneakers: sonic the hedgehog hi-tops that you can see me fucking wearing for a preschool picture with a very-not-matching dress

Eating: first... eating? uh, i don’t remember my first meal!! who would??

Drinking: wait is this still in the “FIRSTS” section?

I’m about to: ok I guess not. I’m about to mail a prescription and cash a check and send in another prescription. whoop whoop

Listening to: my fan because I’m not ready for music to take over my entire brain right now

Want kids: NO. NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Get married: noooooo. unless... there’s an amazing cake... and i get to wear a tux... with tails...

Career: hopefully media scoring but whoops i need to make money to survive somehow so who knows~~

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes! WINDOWS TO THE SOUL and windows to see if that person is lying or trustworthy or not

Hugs or kisses: hugs always 100% of the time, i don’t like kisses actually

Shorter or taller: than what?? what’s the benchmark here? is this about romantic partners?? i guess taller???

Older or younger: if about romantic partners, I prefer close to my age; a wiggle-room of a few years in each direction. can’t just pigeonhole a person theoretically tho

Romantic or spontaneous: who says spontaneous isn’t romantic!! because that is me in a nutshell

Sensitive or loud: sensitive! wait, these aren’t opposites! do you mean quiet?? i don’t like loud things, despite being a performer (with sensory issues lol)

Hook up or relationship: relationship because lol what is sexual desire/attraction

Troublemaker or hesitant: wait what. what are these trying to describe? these aren’t opposites either! i can’t pick one based on this! do you mean “trouble-maker or someone subservient to the law” or “scared of getting into trouble”? how does this reflect on someone at all when you have to consider anti-black racism’s affects on BPOC and how that would affect how they see the law/”getting in trouble”? what are the stakes here? who is the “law” or the person in charge you would be hypothetically skirting “trouble” from? what the fuck iS THIS QUESTION

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: actually, yes

Drank hard liquor: that is most of what i drink... it’s either vodka or beer tbh

Lost glasses/contacts: i lost a glasses lens once in a waterpark lmfao @ahmenophus found it! what a fucking TIME

Sex on first date: lol 

Broken someone’s heart: i think so

Been arrested: no but also i try not to go outside

Turned someone down: i don’t remember

Fallen for a friend: often when I was a teenager!

DO YOU BELIEVE:

In yourself: more and more as the days go by, thankfully. in certain things.

Miracles: nope

Love at first sight: perhaps a version of it, a platonic “I wish you well because I see you have a kind heart” version, sure! romantic though?? not for myself

Heaven: maybe? kinda. something like it.

Santa Claus: no despite my mother’s protests

Tagging some people I know and some people I don’t know but like: @ahmenophus, @nonbinarypastels, @theslowesthnery, @behind-the-mental-illness, @chaotichero, @disgustinganimals, @hurrricane-irene, @tequilamockingbird2015, @smokeplanet

[melissawsr]

The Road to Becoming a Miracle

Hello everyone, 

Today we are featuring a very special guest blog post. My new documentary, Broken Brain, comes out soon, and in this docuseries, we talk about a revolutionary way to treat dis-ease. We dive into topics such as autism, ADHD, depression, dementia, Multiple Sclerosis and more.

In this blog post by Diane, a.k.a. Paleo Boss Lady, shares how she uses food as medicine and the power of Functional Medicine on her healing journey.

Her story is one of hope and strength, and I believe that people like Diane can inspire us to take back our health.

The Road to Becoming a Miracle

Early in 2011 I gave up gluten in a desperate attempt to stop Multiple Sclerosis (MS) from completely taking over my body. I had already blown through my life savings of $2+ million dollars due to the devastation known as MS and was literally facing homelessness, institutionalization or suicide as my life choices. MS was winning every battle and I was scared, broke and sicker than you can imagine.

By this time I was no longer able to use my hands, had no feeling on the left side of my body, involuntary limb jumping and trouble swallowing. I now needed full time help, people living with me and was unable to drive. I could barely care for myself , was falling down without warning, struggling to dress, feed and take myself to the ladies room. My life was filled with pain and suffering daily.

I had no idea what my future held and fear was controlling everything. During this time it become harder and harder for me to move my body freely. Weekly physical therapy (PT) appointments were getting harder as I was growing less able to have my body take commands. Everyone at the PT studio knew what was coming and my days of PT were about to end as I was losing the MS battle.

During one of my appointments with my physical therapist she shared how she gave up gluten due to gut issues. However she was experiencing amazing results all over her body and not just her gut. She suggested I try giving up gluten knowing how my situation was grave and I was in serious trouble with my health. At this point I would have done anything and quickly gave up gluten.

My body responded in a way it had never done in over 25 years living with MS by actually healing. Limb jumping started slowing and eventually disappeared. After these changes  ‘Dr. Google’ became my best friend because I now knew with certainty food played a huge role and I had to keep trying to figure it out.

Prior to this I tried being vegetarian, followed The Swank Diet, Atkins, Vegan and Pritikin with zero changes to MS.  When I began looking for more information about diets effect on the body the 1st person to come up on my search was Dr. Mark Hyman. It was a YouTube video explaining Functional Medicine & diet thoughts. I remember watching it twice because what he was saying resonated and was like nothing I had ever heard before.

Dr. Hyman had a whole collection of videos and presented thinking about healthcare in a way I had never thought possible. This new healthcare Dr. Hyman talked about was already showing progress in my life with MS. I knew he was onto something and that I needed to pay attention.

I remember Dr. Hyman sharing the truth about fat, how to rid your body naturally of inflammation and even talking about the mind/body connection. Prior to this I had never once heard this from any doctor. Inflammation only meant taking huge does of steroids until I heard Dr. Hyman talk about how diet and lifestyle are connected to inflammation. No one every shared diet tips to help with symptoms or to decrease inflammation until Dr. Hyman. Most of Dr. Hyman’s suggestions were simple lifestyle changes and a type of healthcare that finally made sense to me. A healthcare that involved more than a pill seemed logical and accessible thanks to Dr. Hyman. Immediately I began to listen and take action to his every word.

My new healthcare was free, accessible and healing my body daily. Dr. Hyman was changing my narrative and I was finally on the winning side of life with MS. Today I am the most healed person we know of from secondary progressive Multiple Sclerosis using only diet and lifestyle thanks to functional medicine. I take no drugs and see no western medicine doctors. My out of pocket healthcare costs are insurance premiums and a small deductible only.

To think I spent my entire life savings merely because I have MS is a crime and shows how horrible the business of healthcare is in the USA. Over 85% of those with MS go bankrupt due to healthcare costs.

Simply through his work via the Internet and books, Dr. Hyman taught me how to heal. Dr. Hyman has inspired me since day one with his words, video’s, blogs, interviews and so much more. I am beyond excited about his latest work the documentary series called “Broken Brain” knowing that this too will increase how many people can learn the power of the work of Dr. Hyman.

Today I am proud to be the founder of the brand PaleoBOSS Lady and the most healed from MS using diet and lifestyle only. My healthcare is free and accessible to everyone thanks to the work of people like Dr. Hyman. As a result under my own ‘moral obligation’ I sold all of my possessions and now travel the USA touring as part of the award winning ‘Taking it to the Streets Tour.” I am also proud to share I was named one of the “Top 50 Wellness Warriors Changing How American’s Think About Health.”

The tour has me living all over the USA with strangers (soon going worldwide). All of my work is free or donation based making it accessible to everyone just like my healthcare. During my visit I share my favorite tools of empowerment in an effort to help others begin to tap their miracle life. Today the tour has helped over 20,000 individuals through talks; house visits, cooking classes, retreats and workshops, appearances and much more.

Thank you Dr. Hyman for leading the way and keeping the petal to the metal with “Broken Brain.” You have helped to save my life and I am forever grateful you keep sharing the good word saving lives all over the world. My work has and continues to be inspired by the valuable lessons I learn from you daily. I am beyond proud to be a walking miracle.

To learn more about the tour and to become a part of it simply click here.

To learn more about my top 5 steps to getting conscious click here.

[Read More ...] http://drhyman.com/blog/2018/01/08/road-becoming-miracle/

[sublimotion]

The Road to Becoming a Miracle

http://ifttt.com/images/no_image_card.png

Hello everyone, 

Today we are featuring a very special guest blog post. My new documentary, Broken Brain, comes out soon, and in this docuseries, we talk about a revolutionary way to treat dis-ease. We dive into topics such as autism, ADHD, depression, dementia, Multiple Sclerosis and more.

In this blog post by Diane, a.k.a. Paleo Boss Lady, shares how she uses food as medicine and the power of Functional Medicine on her healing journey.

Her story is one of hope and strength, and I believe that people like Diane can inspire us to take back our health.

The Road to Becoming a Miracle

Early in 2011 I gave up gluten in a desperate attempt to stop Multiple Sclerosis (MS) from completely taking over my body. I had already blown through my life savings of $2+ million dollars due to the devastation known as MS and was literally facing homelessness, institutionalization or suicide as my life choices. MS was winning every battle and I was scared, broke and sicker than you can imagine.

By this time I was no longer able to use my hands, had no feeling on the left side of my body, involuntary limb jumping and trouble swallowing. I now needed full time help, people living with me and was unable to drive. I could barely care for myself , was falling down without warning, struggling to dress, feed and take myself to the ladies room. My life was filled with pain and suffering daily.

I had no idea what my future held and fear was controlling everything. During this time it become harder and harder for me to move my body freely. Weekly physical therapy (PT) appointments were getting harder as I was growing less able to have my body take commands. Everyone at the PT studio knew what was coming and my days of PT were about to end as I was losing the MS battle.

During one of my appointments with my physical therapist she shared how she gave up gluten due to gut issues. However she was experiencing amazing results all over her body and not just her gut. She suggested I try giving up gluten knowing how my situation was grave and I was in serious trouble with my health. At this point I would have done anything and quickly gave up gluten.

My body responded in a way it had never done in over 25 years living with MS by actually healing. Limb jumping started slowing and eventually disappeared. After these changes  ‘Dr. Google’ became my best friend because I now knew with certainty food played a huge role and I had to keep trying to figure it out.

Prior to this I tried being vegetarian, followed The Swank Diet, Atkins, Vegan and Pritikin with zero changes to MS.  When I began looking for more information about diets effect on the body the 1st person to come up on my search was Dr. Mark Hyman. It was a YouTube video explaining Functional Medicine & diet thoughts. I remember watching it twice because what he was saying resonated and was like nothing I had ever heard before.

Dr. Hyman had a whole collection of videos and presented thinking about healthcare in a way I had never thought possible. This new healthcare Dr. Hyman talked about was already showing progress in my life with MS. I knew he was onto something and that I needed to pay attention.

I remember Dr. Hyman sharing the truth about fat, how to rid your body naturally of inflammation and even talking about the mind/body connection. Prior to this I had never once heard this from any doctor. Inflammation only meant taking huge does of steroids until I heard Dr. Hyman talk about how diet and lifestyle are connected to inflammation. No one every shared diet tips to help with symptoms or to decrease inflammation until Dr. Hyman. Most of Dr. Hyman’s suggestions were simple lifestyle changes and a type of healthcare that finally made sense to me. A healthcare that involved more than a pill seemed logical and accessible thanks to Dr. Hyman. Immediately I began to listen and take action to his every word.

My new healthcare was free, accessible and healing my body daily. Dr. Hyman was changing my narrative and I was finally on the winning side of life with MS. Today I am the most healed person we know of from secondary progressive Multiple Sclerosis using only diet and lifestyle thanks to functional medicine. I take no drugs and see no western medicine doctors. My out of pocket healthcare costs are insurance premiums and a small deductible only.

To think I spent my entire life savings merely because I have MS is a crime and shows how horrible the business of healthcare is in the USA. Over 85% of those with MS go bankrupt due to healthcare costs.

Simply through his work via the Internet and books, Dr. Hyman taught me how to heal. Dr. Hyman has inspired me since day one with his words, video’s, blogs, interviews and so much more. I am beyond excited about his latest work the documentary series called “Broken Brain” knowing that this too will increase how many people can learn the power of the work of Dr. Hyman.

Today I am proud to be the founder of the brand PaleoBOSS Lady and the most healed from MS using diet and lifestyle only. My healthcare is free and accessible to everyone thanks to the work of people like Dr. Hyman. As a result under my own ‘moral obligation’ I sold all of my possessions and now travel the USA touring as part of the award winning ‘Taking it to the Streets Tour.” I am also proud to share I was named one of the “Top 50 Wellness Warriors Changing How American’s Think About Health.”

The tour has me living all over the USA with strangers (soon going worldwide). All of my work is free or donation based making it accessible to everyone just like my healthcare. During my visit I share my favorite tools of empowerment in an effort to help others begin to tap their miracle life. Today the tour has helped over 20,000 individuals through talks; house visits, cooking classes, retreats and workshops, appearances and much more.

Thank you Dr. Hyman for leading the way and keeping the petal to the metal with “Broken Brain.” You have helped to save my life and I am forever grateful you keep sharing the good word saving lives all over the world. My work has and continues to be inspired by the valuable lessons I learn from you daily. I am beyond proud to be a walking miracle.

To learn more about the tour and to become a part of it simply click here.

To learn more about my top 5 steps to getting conscious click here.

[Read More ...] http://drhyman.com/blog/2018/01/08/road-becoming-miracle/

[abdallahalhakim]

The Road to Becoming a Miracle

Hello everyone, 

Today we are featuring a very special guest blog post. My new documentary, Broken Brain, comes out soon, and in this docuseries, we talk about a revolutionary way to treat dis-ease. We dive into topics such as autism, ADHD, depression, dementia, Multiple Sclerosis and more.

In this blog post by Diane, a.k.a. Paleo Boss Lady, shares how she uses food as medicine and the power of Functional Medicine on her healing journey.

Her story is one of hope and strength, and I believe that people like Diane can inspire us to take back our health.

The Road to Becoming a Miracle

Early in 2011 I gave up gluten in a desperate attempt to stop Multiple Sclerosis (MS) from completely taking over my body. I had already blown through my life savings of $2+ million dollars due to the devastation known as MS and was literally facing homelessness, institutionalization or suicide as my life choices. MS was winning every battle and I was scared, broke and sicker than you can imagine.

By this time I was no longer able to use my hands, had no feeling on the left side of my body, involuntary limb jumping and trouble swallowing. I now needed full time help, people living with me and was unable to drive. I could barely care for myself , was falling down without warning, struggling to dress, feed and take myself to the ladies room. My life was filled with pain and suffering daily.

I had no idea what my future held and fear was controlling everything. During this time it become harder and harder for me to move my body freely. Weekly physical therapy (PT) appointments were getting harder as I was growing less able to have my body take commands. Everyone at the PT studio knew what was coming and my days of PT were about to end as I was losing the MS battle.

During one of my appointments with my physical therapist she shared how she gave up gluten due to gut issues. However she was experiencing amazing results all over her body and not just her gut. She suggested I try giving up gluten knowing how my situation was grave and I was in serious trouble with my health. At this point I would have done anything and quickly gave up gluten.

My body responded in a way it had never done in over 25 years living with MS by actually healing. Limb jumping started slowing and eventually disappeared. After these changes  ‘Dr. Google’ became my best friend because I now knew with certainty food played a huge role and I had to keep trying to figure it out.

Prior to this I tried being vegetarian, followed The Swank Diet, Atkins, Vegan and Pritikin with zero changes to MS.  When I began looking for more information about diets effect on the body the 1st person to come up on my search was Dr. Mark Hyman. It was a YouTube video explaining Functional Medicine & diet thoughts. I remember watching it twice because what he was saying resonated and was like nothing I had ever heard before.

Dr. Hyman had a whole collection of videos and presented thinking about healthcare in a way I had never thought possible. This new healthcare Dr. Hyman talked about was already showing progress in my life with MS. I knew he was onto something and that I needed to pay attention.

I remember Dr. Hyman sharing the truth about fat, how to rid your body naturally of inflammation and even talking about the mind/body connection. Prior to this I had never once heard this from any doctor. Inflammation only meant taking huge does of steroids until I heard Dr. Hyman talk about how diet and lifestyle are connected to inflammation. No one every shared diet tips to help with symptoms or to decrease inflammation until Dr. Hyman. Most of Dr. Hyman’s suggestions were simple lifestyle changes and a type of healthcare that finally made sense to me. A healthcare that involved more than a pill seemed logical and accessible thanks to Dr. Hyman. Immediately I began to listen and take action to his every word.

My new healthcare was free, accessible and healing my body daily. Dr. Hyman was changing my narrative and I was finally on the winning side of life with MS. Today I am the most healed person we know of from secondary progressive Multiple Sclerosis using only diet and lifestyle thanks to functional medicine. I take no drugs and see no western medicine doctors. My out of pocket healthcare costs are insurance premiums and a small deductible only.

To think I spent my entire life savings merely because I have MS is a crime and shows how horrible the business of healthcare is in the USA. Over 85% of those with MS go bankrupt due to healthcare costs.

Simply through his work via the Internet and books, Dr. Hyman taught me how to heal. Dr. Hyman has inspired me since day one with his words, video’s, blogs, interviews and so much more. I am beyond excited about his latest work the documentary series called “Broken Brain” knowing that this too will increase how many people can learn the power of the work of Dr. Hyman.

Today I am proud to be the founder of the brand PaleoBOSS Lady and the most healed from MS using diet and lifestyle only. My healthcare is free and accessible to everyone thanks to the work of people like Dr. Hyman. As a result under my own ‘moral obligation’ I sold all of my possessions and now travel the USA touring as part of the award winning ‘Taking it to the Streets Tour.” I am also proud to share I was named one of the “Top 50 Wellness Warriors Changing How American’s Think About Health.”

The tour has me living all over the USA with strangers (soon going worldwide). All of my work is free or donation based making it accessible to everyone just like my healthcare. During my visit I share my favorite tools of empowerment in an effort to help others begin to tap their miracle life. Today the tour has helped over 20,000 individuals through talks; house visits, cooking classes, retreats and workshops, appearances and much more.

Thank you Dr. Hyman for leading the way and keeping the petal to the metal with “Broken Brain.” You have helped to save my life and I am forever grateful you keep sharing the good word saving lives all over the world. My work has and continues to be inspired by the valuable lessons I learn from you daily. I am beyond proud to be a walking miracle.

To learn more about the tour and to become a part of it simply click here.

To learn more about my top 5 steps to getting conscious click here.

[Read More ...] http://drhyman.com/blog/2018/01/08/road-becoming-miracle/