#not just for insecurity reasons but also because it’s such a faff

[lucydacusgirl]

i wish swimming was something you could do alone in your bedroom.

[faunahudson]

Who: Fauna & Sawyer Hudson @sawyer-hudson

When: 8th December 2020

Where: The Hudson Apartment

What: Fauna and Sawyer fight over what happened between Finn and Alexis

Warnings: They yell at eachother? Negative Thoughts

Sawyer had felt anger bubbling inside him since speaking to Finn. He didn't care who it was -- even if it was Fauna's best friend -- he wouldn't let anyone speak to his brother this way. "You need to tell Alexis she's way too fucking out of line this time." Sawyer suddnely snapped at Fauna, surrounded by various fabrics and notepads for their upcoming ball, too angry to think about his tone in the moment. "She needs to learn people aren't her own personal play-things she can do what she wants with before she throws them away."

Fauna had been worrying her lip since they'd heard about Alexis and Finn's falling out, she felt bad that she'd continued to let Alexis not address her feelings. She should have sat the other girl down and helped her sooner, got her to talk things through or at least suggested that she talk about them with her therapist. She was about to express this, when Sawyer suddenly snapped at her. The submissive blinked, shocked that he had spoken to her in that tone. It made her feel odd inside, something stirring and her face went from surprise to anger very quickly. "Excuse me? I don't need to do fucking anything. It sounds like she's really hurting if she snapped at him like that. She's made it clear that the two of them are D/s and it's not her fault he's more involved. She's actually a very sensitive person."

A part of Sawyer wanted to apologise for the way he snapped, knowing his anger sometimes got the better of him, and he'd work on it better -- joining her in therapy, meditation, whatever seemed the best fit -- but he couldn't really think straight either, not when his brother was hurting so much all because of Alexis St. James, who people worshipped the ground she walked on because of the family she was born into. Who pretended she was better than her relatives, but turned out to be even worse. They were clueless, sure, but she was careless. "She made it clear?" He repeated, incredously, "She made it fucking clear? Fauna, she came to our house for Thanksgiving, she met our Mom, she let him take him on dates -- does that sound like just D/s shit to you? Or are you also thinking Finn's stupid for reading into it as something more?"

If he hadn't snapped at her maybe Fauna would have been able to think more clearly to admit Alexis' fault slightly, to have had the mature dicussion that they'd usual have. But he was being aggressive and she only knew two ways to deal with that, either she could go to Belfast zoo until he was done or she could fight fire with fire. And she couldn't go to Belfast Zoo without him anymore, Sawyer was not her father she did not cower before him. "You have no idea what they said to one another, you are just making assumptions. You just have it in your head for some reason that she was out to get him, when she's dated one person in the entire time you've known her. How dare you put words in my mouth, or hers. She came to your house because he invited her. You invited Rory, didn't mean he thought you were dating." She argued, standing hands on her hips.

"Yes but I am also not fucking Rory, am I?" Sawyer snapped, probably more harsher than he had meant to, but genuinely frustrated that she was either incidentally or purposefully not getting the point he was trying to make. "I know enough. About Finn, about Alexis, and about how she was bad news from day one! And, speaking of Rory," He said, letting out a mirthless bark of a laugh, "If it were him involved, would you even think of defending Alexis right now? Are you so fucking blinded by her, you're willing to ignore your own morals because she's a 'sensitive person'?"

"I really don't know who you think you're talking to if I'm fucking honest." Fauna snapped back. "You know shit all because I know shit all. How dare you say she was bad news from day one, you don't know her at all. I don't know where this weird vendetta against her has come from, people are allowed to have non romantic D/s relationships that if they want to and sometimes things get twisted. Because sometimes non romantic D/s can be committed, people get claimed into none romantic claims. Maybe Finn saw dates and Alexis saw getting to know one another. But you won't hear it for whatever fucked up reason." Fauna defended fiercely trying not to let tears bloom in her eyes at this fight she was having with her Dominant. "But Rory isn't involved is he? It's Finn, and you're the one who's fucking blind."

"I think I'm talking to my submissive who's being fucking stubborn about it all!" Sawyer yelled, throwing his hands up in defeat, annoyed at this aggravating argument, annoyed at the way Fauna was speaking to him, annoyed at how he was speaking to her most of all. "I don't have a weird vendetta against her, Fauna. I am just the only fucking person in this place who sees her for what she is. And yes, this is about Finn, my brother, who I will do anything to protect, and look after. And if he saw dates, it's on her for not correcting him sooner!" He stormed away, grabbing a random assortment of items; his keys, phone, momentarily considering his gym bag but too wound up to faff about with it. "I can't fucking do this, Fauna.  I can't." He said, his voice gruff, clenching his fists so he didn't do something idiotically stereotypical and irreparable, like punching the wall.

"You're not talking to anyone actually, you're yelling at me and nobody gets to yell at me." Fauna snapped back, tears starting to glisten in the corner of her eyes though she wiped them away angrily with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I can't fucking believe you just said that. You don't see anything and you assume everything. She's my best friend, my person and it's on him just as much as her because they're fucking adults Sawyer. He's not a damn child." She managed to get out, her heart clenching nastily as he picked up his things. The insecure girl inside her wanted to beg him not to leave, not to walk away from her when he was angry. Because she was scared, that if she let him go out of the door that he wouldn't come back. "Then don't do this." Was all she said, turning away from him.

Sawyer had a lot more to say, to scream, to yell. About how she let everyone yell at her and treat her like shit before he came along, Alexis included, about how he couldn't look out for his brother, but she could baby hers to give her peace at mind? About how she always had to be right and he never could. All of these horrible thoughts whirring weren't Sawyer, he reminded himself, his therapist's words in his head. They were manifestations of the feelings and emotions he had difficulty accepting, his own self-worth disappearing, a dark contortion of himself in his mind, taunting him in Tommy De Luca's voice about all he did was get angry and lose people. Fucking up and hurting others. You might as well say it, Sawyer, you've already lost her. Let her show the real you. Another voice, that sounded like Carole, tried to soothe him, to tell him he was valid in his feelings, but these thoughts were best to discuss in a calm manner than hurling at each other like bullets across the room. It felt like he and Fauna stared at each other in tense silence for years, and she eventually turned away from him. "I won't," He said simply, unlocking the door before turning back briefly. "This isn't a fucking movie, Fauna. This isn't some fantasy where the phrase hurt people hurt people means she's going to see the error of her ways and all is forgiven. Just because you consider yourself a fuck up doesn't give you the excuse to fuck things up. But I'm done. I'm fucking done." And with that, he slammed the door, probably intentionally he thought to himself, and stormed off to see Finn.

She waited. She waited for him just for a moment to grab her or tell her to get on her fucking knees. Because of course he could yell at her, of course he could tell her what to do. He was her dominant, and she was disobedient, and rude and all the things that Percy had accused her of being. But he didn’t, he didn’t demand her submission, he didn’t try to intimidate her he just told her that he wouldn’t do it. The nastier voice in her head, the one that sounded like Percy, like Harold, even like herself sometimes told her that it’s because he couldn’t be bothered with her. And the sad part of herself that had always bowed to those voices wanted to get on her knees to say she was sorry. But the other stronger voice told her that no, he couldn’t yell at her because Alexis had allegedly done wrong and he wasn’t allowed to talk about her friend like that. So she stood her ground, her heart aching because he’d never looked at her like that. She didn’t have a good response to what he’d said, but she also refused to let out the sob in the back of her throat until he was gone. When the door slammed behind him, she broke down. Sobbing in the middle of their stupid ball fabric. Tearing a stupid heart that they had cut out of her dress material off the board and throwing it at the wall. She had known this would happen somehow she told herself, she’d known that something was going to go wrong and she was right.