#not just an instrument but an extension of me and my soul

[baqsy]

"Korkyt, the tool you created looks like the tibia of a six-year-old camel. Now it lacks a resonator covered with the skin of a nara camel, a string stand made of wild goat horn and strings torn from the tail of a five-year-old stallion. If all of this happens, then your instrument will sing like a nightingale."

National Museum Astana ( Kazakhstan )

[koyagifs]

𝓲𝓯 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂𝓼

pairing: hongjoong x reader au: college | in between worlds | genre: angst word count: 12.861k synopsis: no one seen it coming. how could they? the lead singer of up and coming band and the shy celloist. warning(s): mentions of death, hospital. author note: another favorite book, if i stay!! will be heavily basing it on it. When they release the seasons greeting, i just had to.

september 25th, 2021 12:15pm

Hongjoong stood in the doorway, frozen as if time itself had stopped. The dim light of the studio cast a warm glow over the young woman seated at the center of the room, her form almost ethereal. Her head tilted slightly, eyes closed in concentration, and her fingers danced delicately along the neck of the cello.

The bow in her hand moved with such grace that it seemed to breathe life into the instrument. The muffled strains of music seeped through the heavy door, a melody both haunting and beautiful. The cello nestled between her legs seemed an extension of herself, responding to her every touch as though it shared her soul.

Hongjoong felt his breath catch, the world outside fading into irrelevance. There was a power in her presence, one that silenced the chaos of his thoughts and left him wholly captivated. For a moment, he wondered if she had somehow charmed the room—or perhaps just him.

He came out from the trance when someone came beside him, " what's her name?"

Hongjoong turned his head sharply at the sound of her voice. A girl stood beside him now, her expression soft but curious as she glanced between him and the young cellist in the studio. Her smile grew as she returned her gaze to the girl playing, an unmistakable fondness shining in her eyes.

“Yn,” she said simply, her voice carrying a warmth that matched her expression.

Hongjoong nodded slightly, the name embedding itself in his mind like a melody he couldn’t forget. Without another word, he stepped away, feeling the pull of the moment lingering even as he distanced himself from the studio.

Yn. He repeated the name in his head, savoring how it sounded—soft, yet powerful, much like the music she played. It felt like the kind of name you’d whisper into the quiet of a night, afraid to disturb its beauty.

As he walked down the corridor, the faint echo of her cello followed him, weaving into his thoughts. He knew he’d be back, though he couldn’t quite say why. Something about Yn and the world she created with her music had already begun to anchor itself deeply in him, like a seed of inspiration waiting to grow.

He smiled faintly to himself. Whatever it was, he couldn’t wait to discover more.

Back in the room, Yn paused mid-stroke as the last note faded into silence. She looked up to see her best friend Maddie leaning against the doorframe, a wide grin plastered on her face. The mischievous glint in her eyes was unmistakable.

“What’s that look on your face for?” Yn asked, raising an eyebrow as she adjusted the bow in her hand.

Maddie shook her head, her grin widening as she stepped closer. “Oh, nothing,” she teased, her voice sing-song. “It’s just... someone has a secret admirer~.”

Yn blinked, her brows knitting together in confusion. “What are you talking about?” she asked, setting her bow down on the cello.

Maddie plopped down on a nearby chair, crossing her legs as if preparing to spill the juiciest gossip. “There was this guy—he couldn’t take his eyes off you,” she explained, dramatically clasping her hands to her chest. “It was like watching a puppy stare at a treat.”

Yn frowned slightly, tilting her head. “A guy? Who?”

Maddie shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, though the grin on her face betrayed her excitement. “Oh, you know—only the Kim Hongjoong was looking at you.”

Yn froze, her hands stilling on the cello as her eyes widened. “ you're telling me hongjoong saw my geeking out on the cello" she asked, her voice rising slightly as the words tumbled out.

Maddie burst out laughing, clutching her sides. “Oh, definitely,” she managed between giggles. “He was standing there, all wide-eyed and awestruck, like he’d just stumbled upon a hidden gem.”

Yn groaned, covering her face with both hands. “Oh my god, Maddie,” she mumbled through her fingers. “He probably thinks I’m some weirdo.”

“Are you kidding?” Maddie shot back, her laughter subsiding as she gave Yn a playful nudge on the arm. “He looked like he wanted to commission a whole symphony inspired by you. Trust me, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Yn peeked at her best friend from behind her hands, still unconvinced. “You’re exaggerating,” she accused, though a small part of her wanted to believe Maddie’s words.

Yn groaned, burying her face in her hands as Maddie laughed and tugged her up by the wrist.

“Come on, rock star whisperer,” Maddie teased, dragging Yn toward the door. “Let’s get out of here before your new admirer decides to camp outside the classroom.”

Yn rolled her eyes but let herself be pulled along, her thoughts still swirling. Kim Hongjoong—the name alone sent a flicker of disbelief through her. He wasn’t just anyone; he was the lead guitarist of 8teez, the up-and-coming band that had been the talk of their small town.

Their music was raw and electric, a blend of emotion and energy that had quickly captured the hearts of their growing fan base. The group had been making waves in the local scene for months, playing at festivals, gigs, and even the town’s annual summer fair. And now, with a record label finally backing them, 8teez was on the cusp of something bigger.

feburary 19th, 2023 11:15am

Yn sat quietly in the backseat of the Uber, her gaze fixed on the snowflakes drifting lazily down outside the window. The world beyond the glass was coated in a pristine white blanket, the streetlights casting a warm glow over the soft snowfall. It felt like something out of a dream, the kind of moment that felt both fleeting and infinite all at once.

Yn’s phone sat in her lap, her thumb instinctively tapping the screen to turn it on. The soft glow illuminated the emptiness of her notifications, and her heart clenched just a little tighter. She locked the screen, exhaled slowly, then repeated the cycle moments later, as though willing a message to appear from him.

Nothing.

Her heart ached each time the blank notification bar stared back at her, unyielding. It felt silly, almost foolish, to let it affect her this much. But still, she couldn’t shake the weight in her chest, the unanswered questions circling her mind like an unrelenting storm.

A storm had struck, leaving a devastating aftermath in its wake. The once calm streets were now a blur of swirling snow and ice, the world outside distorted and harsh. The wind howled, a fierce reminder of the storm’s power, and the snow fell in thick, heavy sheets that seemed to blur the line between day and night.

Inside the Uber, Yn's body jerked forward with a sharp impact, the car sliding uncontrollably across the slick road. Her breath caught in her throat as her seatbelt dug into her chest, the force of the motion throwing her against the back of the seat. Panic surged through her as she gripped the armrest, her heart pounding in her ears.

The sound of tires screeching against the ice was drowned out by the screeching of her own thoughts, a chaotic cacophony in her mind. The world outside had blurred into a whirl of white, the wind slamming against the car, but all she could focus on was the feeling of helplessness, of being entirely out of control. The cold metal of the seat dug into her back, her grip failing on the armrest as the car spun, and she felt the sharp jolt of panic in her chest.

This can’t be happening. Not now... not like this.

Her heart pounded in her ears, the terror crashing over her in waves as the car slid further, the sense of time slowing down, twisting, until it became a blur of sensations. The last thing she saw was the back seat, the familiar black leather seat cover before darkness closed in on her like a heavy blanket.

And then, everything went silent.

october 19th, 2021 1:06 pm

Hongjoong walked towards the two girls who were laughing, their voices carrying through the quiet space as they shared a moment. His heart was pounding in his chest, the familiar rush of adrenaline hitting him in a way it never had before. He'd been with girls before—spent time talking, laughing, even flirting—but this? This was different.

As he neared them, a wave of nervous energy surged through him, making him second-guess every step he took. He adjusted his jacket for the hundredth time, running a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of the situation settle on his shoulders. Why is this so hard? he thought, swallowing the lump in his throat. It's just a conversation. Just a hello.

But with every step closer to Yn, the closer he got to unraveling. He had never been this nervous before. His mind raced with questions, with thoughts that felt like a whirlpool. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I say something stupid? What if...

His gaze was fixed on her, her laughter drifting toward him like a melody he couldn't escape. She was so effortlessly beautiful, so calm, so magnetic, and all of a sudden, he felt like a clumsy fool trying to approach someone out of his league.

Just breathe, he told himself, shaking his head as if he could clear the swirling thoughts. He was Kim Hongjoong. Confident. Charismatic. The guy who led his band with ease. And yet, here he was, fighting the urge to turn around and run.

Still, his feet carried him closer, one step after another, until he was just a few feet away from the two girls. Maddie was the first to notice him, her grin widening when she saw him approach.

“You’ve got guts,” she teased with a knowing look, but Hongjoong barely registered the words. His focus was entirely on Yn, who turned toward him, her expression unreadable but not unkind.

He stopped in front of them, his heart racing, and he opened his mouth to say something—anything—but for a moment, the words wouldn’t come. It was like his voice had abandoned him.

Pull it together, Hongjoong.

“Hey,” he finally managed, his voice a little rougher than he intended. “I… I just wanted to say hi.”

Yn raised an eyebrow, clearly amused by his sudden nervousness. “Hi,” she said softly, her smile gentle

Maddie left with a playful smile on her face, her hand giving Yn a quick pat on the back that Yn barely registered. As she walked away, her grin widening, Yn couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She knew what was coming, but she had little time to process it as Hongjoong stood there in front of her, a small, nervous smile playing on his lips.

"I'm Hongjoong," he said, his voice carrying a certain warmth as he spoke, like he was trying to sound casual, but the slight tension in his posture betrayed the nerves he was trying to hide.

Yn blinked, her mind briefly catching up with the moment. “I know," she said automatically, her words coming out quicker than she intended. She cleared her throat, embarrassed. "I mean—sorry, I’m Yn.”

The exchange felt awkward, but in a way, it also felt... real. Hongjoong wasn’t some unreachable figure anymore—he was just a guy standing there in front of her, offering a friendly smile. But the weight of his presence, the nervous energy still lingering between them, made it hard to find her balance.

Hongjoong couldn't help but chuckle at the nervous girl standing in front of him. His smile was easy, but there was a certain softness in his gaze that made him look even more approachable than before. "I uh, saw you play," he said, his voice light, but his words carrying a sense of sincerity.

The moment the words left his lips, Yn’s face flushed with a deep blush, her cheeks warming instantly. She tried to hide the heat rising in her face by looking down, but it was no use—the flush was very evident. Her heart skipped a beat, thudding hard against her chest as she fumbled for something to say.

"I—I didn’t know you were there," she stammered, her voice almost a whisper. Get it together, she told herself, but it was hard when he was standing so close, smiling at her in a way that made everything feel a little too real.

Hongjoong’s chuckle softened into a small, knowing smile. "I guess that’s a good thing, right? You’re so focused when you play," he said, his eyes warm with admiration. "It’s impressive."

Yn could feel the heat in her cheeks spreading, her heartbeat still erratic. The compliment felt like it was both a gift and a challenge, and she didn’t know how to handle it. Why is he making me feel like this? she thought, her thoughts spiraling just a little.

She cleared her throat and shrugged slightly, trying to regain her composure. "It’s just... something I do, you know?" she said, trying to downplay it. "I don’t really think about it too much."

Hongjoong tilted his head, his expression thoughtful. "Well, it definitely stands out," he said, his voice quiet but sincere. "Not everyone can make something like that look so effortless. You’ve got a gift."

The warmth of his words made her heart race again, and she had to look away for a moment, trying to steady her breath. "Thanks," she said softly, a little embarrassed by the intensity of her own reaction.

There was a brief, comfortable silence between them, the kind that didn’t feel forced. It was like they were both caught in the same quiet bubble, the nervous energy now mingling with a budding sense of ease.

Hongjoong’s words stumbled out in a rush, the nervousness creeping back into his voice as he looked at Yn. He had been thinking about asking her for days, but now that the moment was here, it felt harder than he anticipated. “I, uh, have these tickets to Yo-Yo Ma’s concert,” he started, his words a little more hurried than he intended. “I was wondering if maybe you’d... go with me? I mean—you don’t have to, but—”

He cut himself off, feeling the familiar weight of uncertainty pressing down on him. His eyes darted to the ground for a brief moment, trying to shake off the sense of awkwardness, but the words had already left his mouth, and now it was too late to take them back.

Yn’s heart skipped another beat, the unexpected question hanging in the air like a soft challenge. She hadn’t expected him to ask her out like this—certainly not for something as intimate as a concert. Her breath hitched slightly, and she struggled to find her voice.

"I'll love to," Yn said, smiling brightly, the warmth spreading through her chest as she met Hongjoong's gaze. The fluttering in her stomach felt like a small, hopeful spark—like something new was just beginning to take root.

Hongjoong's eyes lit up at her response, a wide grin spreading across his face. He had been nervous, unsure of how she would respond, but hearing her say yes made everything feel a little lighter. "Really?" he asked again, almost disbelieving, though his tone was filled with happiness.

Yn nodded, the smile never leaving her face. "Yeah. I’d really like to go with you."

The relief that washed over Hongjoong was palpable, and for a moment, he seemed to forget about his nerves entirely. "Awesome," he said with a grin, his eyes soft with gratitude. "I’ll send you the details soon. It’s going to be great."

feburary 19th, 2023 11:54am

Yn’s head throbbed, the sharp ringing in her ears growing louder as she blinked rapidly, trying to clear her blurry vision. The cold air around her felt foreign, like she wasn’t quite connected to the world around her. She pushed herself up from the ground, her limbs unsteady as she took in the chaotic scene unfolding before her.

The first thing she noticed was the crunch of snow under running feet, the hurried movement of paramedics and bystanders rushing past her. The flashing lights of an ambulance painted the snow a harsh, pulsing red and blue. A sense of panic slowly began to settle in her chest as she realized that something had gone horribly wrong.

Panic surged through Yn’s body, the overwhelming rush of confusion and fear clouding her mind as she stumbled forward, her legs weak. Desperate to make sense of what was happening, she ran toward an EMT, her heart hammering in her chest, trying to find someone who could help.

"Excuse me!" she tried to call out, her voice a strangled whisper, but it was caught in her throat as she reached the EMT. She reached out instinctively, but when her hand passed through his arm—when she felt the cold air instead of solid flesh—her breath hitched, and her world tilted violently.

Her heart skipped a beat as she froze, staring at her hand, now hovering through the EMT's arm, utterly confused. The chaos around her continued, the flashing lights of the ambulance blurring in her peripheral vision, but everything felt... off, like a dream slipping further away from her grasp.

She blinked, looking around frantically, trying to process what had just happened. Was she hallucinating? Was this some kind of fog settling over her mind? No—she could still feel the snow crunching beneath her feet, the cold air biting at her skin. Yet there was a feeling of separation, like she wasn’t fully tethered to the world around her.

She tried again, moving toward the EMT with renewed urgency. "Help me, please!" she tried to shout, but her voice failed her, the words coming out as an echo, distant and hollow. She reached out again, her hand passing straight through the EMT’s body as if he wasn’t even there. Panic tightened in her chest, and she stepped back, her heart racing.

What’s happening to me?

The sensation of fear and confusion flooded her as she tried to make sense of the growing disconnect between her body and the world she was in. The EMT didn’t seem to notice her at all, continuing his frantic efforts to help someone else on the ground.

Frustration and terror bubbled up in Yn’s chest as she turned, looking wildly for someone else—anyone who could see her, could hear her. She didn’t know what was real anymore, and the weight of her own disembodiment made her feel small and helpless.

Yn’s breath caught in her throat as her eyes landed on something that made her heart stop—herself. There, lying in the snow, her body surrounded by EMTs. The sight was surreal, like an out-of-body experience, and she could hardly process what she was seeing. She reached out instinctively, but her hand passed right through the scene as though it were a fleeting memory.

Her pulse hammered in her ears as she tried to make sense of it. Is that... is that really me? The image of her lifeless form in the snow felt distant and cold, yet the emotions rushing through her were too raw to ignore.

Her body, motionless and pale, was being carefully tended to by the EMTs, their hands moving with practiced precision, as though this was just another emergency to be handled. But Yn couldn’t shake the sense that something was wrong. Something had shifted.

“On three, we lift,” one of the EMTs called out, his voice firm and steady, signaling the others to prepare.

The words felt like a punch to her gut. They weren’t talking about her—they were talking about her body. The weight of that realization hit her all at once, a cold, hollow ache spreading through her chest. This can’t be happening.

She watched helplessly as the EMTs lifted her body from the snow, their movements synchronized. Her lifeless form was carefully cradled and placed onto a stretcher, the medic’s calm instructions echoing in her mind as they began to wheel her away.

Yn wanted to scream, to run to them, to demand to know why they weren’t helping her, why she wasn’t there with them. But the words wouldn’t come. She could see everything, feel everything, but nothing seemed to connect. She wasn’t part of this world anymore—not physically, at least.

In that moment, she realized the truth, the awful reality of it all. She was here, but she wasn’t. Her body was being taken away, but she remained, trapped in this disorienting space between the living and the dead.

Yn’s heart pounded in her chest as she watched her body being loaded into the ambulance, the reality of the situation crashing down on her. She couldn’t quite grasp what was happening—how she was standing there, yet her body was somewhere else, being whisked away as though she were nothing more than a memory.

Desperation clawed at her as she took a hesitant step toward the ambulance, her feet barely making contact with the snow. She couldn’t feel the cold; the world around her felt oddly detached, like she was floating just above everything. But the instinct to move, to follow, was too strong to ignore. She needed to understand. She needed to know what was going on.

october 26th, 2021 10:00 pm

The chill of the fall air bit at their skin as Hongjoong wrapped an arm around Yn, holding her close as they walked away from the venue. His heart thudded in his chest with each step, the excitement of the night mixing with a sense of warmth he couldn’t quite shake. Being with her felt like something important, something he couldn’t quite explain, but it was undeniable.

His thoughts were a mix of exhilaration and uncertainty, wondering how this night would unfold, what it meant for them, for their connection. Everything felt right in the moment, like the world had shifted into place.

But suddenly, Yn came to a halt. Hongjoong almost didn’t notice at first, still caught up in the rhythm of their walk, but when he looked down at her, he saw that something had changed.

Yn stood perfectly still, her eyes wide and distant. It was as if a wave of confusion or realization had hit her all at once, and she was frozen in place, her breath shallow. Hongjoong could feel the tension in the air, the way her body seemed to stiffen, like she was struggling with something invisible.

“Yn?” he asked, his voice soft but filled with concern as he gently pulled her to face him. “Hey, are you okay?”

For a moment, Yn didn’t answer. Her gaze drifted over his shoulder, her eyes unfocused, as though something had pulled her attention away. She looked as if she were searching for something—someone. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, but she seemed lost in thought, caught between the moment they were in and something else.

Hongjoong’s grip tightened slightly, worried by the change in her demeanor. “Yn…?” he repeated, stepping closer.

" what do you want from me hongjoong.."

Hongjoong's heart skipped a beat as her words hung in the cold air. The question was raw, unexpected, and it cut through him like a blade. The weight of her words hit him harder than he anticipated. It wasn’t just a question. It felt like a challenge, a hesitation, an invitation to something deeper, something that he wasn’t sure how to answer.

His breath hitched as he stepped closer, his eyes searching hers. She seemed so distant, like a part of her was somewhere else—far away from the moment, far away from him. He couldn’t tell if it was uncertainty, confusion, or something else that held her back, but he knew he couldn’t let this moment slip away.

“I want to be with you, Yn,” Hongjoong said softly, his voice steady but vulnerable. His words felt like the truth, simple and pure, yet heavy with the weight of everything they’d shared and everything they hadn’t yet said. “I want to be here with you. If you’ll have me.”

He paused, letting the words settle between them. His hands still gently held her, a silent plea for her to meet him halfway, to let down the walls that seemed to be pulling her away from him.

Her eyes flickered with something—something fleeting that he couldn’t quite read—but before he could say anything more, she turned her gaze to the ground.

" why me? Why now?" she asked, her lips trembling.

Hongjoong’s chest tightened as he watched Yn’s gaze fall to the ground, her words lingering in the cold night air. The tremble in her voice made his heart ache, and he instinctively took a step closer, his fingers brushing against hers, a silent gesture of reassurance.

He couldn’t help but wonder what had brought those words out of her—what fears, what uncertainties were swirling in her mind. But he also knew, deep down, that it wasn’t just about the moment they were standing in. It wasn’t just about the way the world felt heavy and tangled between them. It was about the weight of everything she had to carry, everything she wasn’t sure she could give.

"Why you?" Hongjoong repeated softly, as though the answer to that question could ever truly be simple. “Because you’re you, Yn. Because you’re the one who makes everything feel… different. When I’m with you, I don’t feel like I’m just going through the motions. You make everything seem like it matters.”

He paused, his voice turning more vulnerable, more earnest. “I don’t have a perfect answer for why now—I guess it’s because right now, it feels like the right time. I don’t know if I can explain it any other way.”

Yn looked up at him then, her eyes still filled with doubt, but something in her expression softened, as if she were trying to process his words.

Yn’s breath hitched as Hongjoong gently pulled her closer, his hands warm against the cold of the night as he wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. The gesture, so tender and full of care, made her chest tighten with something she couldn’t fully comprehend. There was a rawness in his eyes, a depth of sincerity that reached her in ways words never could.

"Yn..." His voice was soft, yet it held a quiet determination. She couldn’t quite bring herself to look away from him, even as her thoughts raced, her doubts clouding her mind. But his presence was grounding, like an anchor pulling her back to the moment.

"The moment I laid my eyes on you, playing your cello," he continued, his voice steady but filled with emotion, "I just knew you were the one I wanted to be with."

Yn felt her heart lurch at his words. It was as if everything she had tried to suppress—her fears, her doubts, the lingering uncertainty about herself—was suddenly laid bare. He was seeing her in a way no one else had, and it terrified her. She opened her mouth, ready to protest, to explain why she wasn’t ready, but before she could speak, Hongjoong shook his head.

"Please, just this one chance?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper, but the sincerity in his eyes made her heart skip.

Yn froze, her mind battling with the storm of emotions inside her. She wanted to push him away, to protect herself, to keep the walls that had kept her safe for so long intact. But there was something about Hongjoong—the way he was looking at her, the way he was with her—that made it impossible to ignore.

Hongjoong’s heart raced as he saw the subtle nod, the quiet acceptance in her eyes. It was all he needed. No words were left to say, just the raw, unspoken understanding between them. His breath caught in his throat as he slowly leaned in, the distance between them disappearing with each heartbeat.

He cupped her face gently, his fingers brushing against the soft curve of her cheek. There was a tenderness in his touch, a reverence for the moment, as if he were afraid that moving too fast would shatter the fragile trust they were beginning to build. Yet, despite the uncertainty that lingered in the air, he couldn’t ignore the magnetic pull between them, the undeniable need to close the gap, to be closer to her.

Yn’s breath hitched as his lips finally met hers, soft at first, a careful exploration. The world around them seemed to fade into the background, the only thing that mattered was the warmth of his lips, the gentle pressure as he deepened the kiss, just enough to feel the weight of everything unspoken.

It was slow, patient, like they were both trying to savor the moment—an acknowledgment that this was something more, something real, that was blooming between them. For a moment, Yn melted into him, her body leaning into his touch, her fingers gripping the fabric of his jacket like she was afraid to let go. The kiss was a quiet promise, an unspoken vow to take things one step at a time, to trust, to be present.

When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads rested together, breath mingling in the cool night air.

Hongjoong smiled softly, his voice barely a whisper as he spoke. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

Yn’s heart was still racing, but there was a lightness to her now, a quiet warmth that she hadn’t felt before. She didn’t have all the answers, didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. But for now, she was here. With him.

“Let’s take it slow,” she murmured, her voice steady now, the uncertainty beginning to fade. "But I’m willing to try."

feburary 19th, 2023 12:15pm

The sudden rush of activity around her was overwhelming, the frantic movement of the doctors and nurses around her—everything was happening too quickly for her to process. Jogging by the nurses and doctor that hovered over her.

"Female, early 20s, collapsed lung, unresponsive," one of the doctors said sharply, his tone focused and commanding. "Let’s get her into operating room one now."

Yn stood frozen just inside the door, her gaze locked onto her own body, laid out on the operating table in front of her. The blood that stained her clothes, the mask over her face—everything felt unreal. It was like watching someone else, as if she were standing outside of herself, unable to grasp the full weight of what was happening.

The sterile, cold air of the operating room surrounded her, the bustle of the medical staff continuing on as if everything were normal, yet everything felt... wrong. She didn’t feel like herself anymore. Her body felt distant, almost foreign, as if she was a spectator in a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.

A nurse came to her side, her voice low but comforting as she leaned in close. "You're in control of this whole show, baby. Whether you live or die, it's all up to you. I'm going to be by your side. I will not be leavin’."

The nurse’s words struck Yn like a lightning bolt, the gravity of the situation slowly sinking in. In control? How could she be? She was already here, trapped in the space between life and death, stuck in this bizarre limbo. Yet, there was something in the nurse’s voice, a quiet strength that reached through the chaos and uncertainty.

Yn looked down at herself again, at the form that was so familiar, yet felt so foreign in this moment. Blood. The oxygen mask. The steady beep of the heart monitor. She felt her chest tighten, a rush of panic threatening to overtake her, but the nurse’s words grounded her—offered her something to hold on to.

It’s up to me...

Her heart thudded in her chest as she thought of everything she hadn’t yet lived for. Hongjoong. Her friends. The music she’d yet to play. The chance to still make something of all the potential she had. The tears welling up in her eyes blurred her vision, but she didn’t let herself fall apart—not yet. Not until she could fight for it.

The cold, sterile environment didn’t feel as suffocating now. The nurse’s presence, her steady voice, gave her a sense of direction in a place where she had none.

november 9th, 2021 9:15pm

Yn couldn’t help but feel out of place as she stepped into the dimly lit bar. The low hum of chatter and clinking glasses filled the air, but everything around her felt distant, like she was on the outside looking in. Her fingers brushed against the cool glass of her drink, but it didn't quite calm the nerves that had begun to twist in her stomach.

The sound of her name being called made her look up. Hongjoong stood by the entrance, a warm, inviting smile on his face, his presence like a beacon in the crowd. His eyes, dark and intense, locked onto hers as he moved toward her with a confident stride.

He didn’t waste any time, offering his hand to her with a slight bow of his head. "Come on," he said softly, his voice warm and full of reassurance.

As they stepped into the back, Yn felt a rush of nerves that she couldn’t quite explain. The warm, dimly lit space was filled with the sound of instruments being tuned, the low hum of conversation among Hongjoong’s bandmates. There were amps scattered around, wires on the floor, and an air of excited chaos that came with preparing for a show.

But what made her feel most exposed was the fact that, as soon as they entered, the eyes of Hongjoong’s bandmates shifted toward her. The energy in the room seemed to shift, and for a moment, Yn felt like she was an outsider, a stranger in their world of music and camaraderie.

Hongjoong, however, was unfazed. His excitement was palpable as he turned to her with a bright smile, his eyes sparkling with genuine enthusiasm. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, his voice full of warmth. “You’re gonna love this. The band’s been practicing hard, and it’s gonna be a great show.”

He led her further into the room, guiding her with a hand on her back, but Yn couldn’t shake the feeling of being out of place. She was still getting used to this side of him—the musician, the one who was part of something bigger, something she didn’t fully understand. She felt like she was stepping into his world, and it was both exciting and overwhelming.

As they approached the bandmates, Hongjoong’s energy was infectious. He waved at the guys, who were all busy with their instruments or talking amongst themselves, but paused when he reached them.

“Everyone, this is Yn,” Hongjoong said, his voice proud as he introduced her. The bandmates looked up from their instruments, offering her warm, welcoming smiles. There was a casual ease about them, but Yn couldn’t shake the feeling that they were sizing her up, trying to figure out who she was in the midst of Hongjoong’s world.

One of the bandmates, a tall guy with a friendly grin, reached out to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you, Yn. I’m Mingi,” he said, his tone laid-back and easygoing. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

Yn nodded, smiling politely, but her nerves were still running high. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said, her voice a little unsure.

Another bandmate, a quieter guy with dark hair and a focused expression, nodded in her direction. “We’re glad you could make it tonight,” he added, his voice smooth but a little reserved.

Hongjoong’s face lit up as he watched her interact with his friends. His energy was infectious, and it was hard to deny the sense of pride he seemed to take in having her there.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly to her, almost as if he were reminding himself that she was really there, in his world now. “I know this is a lot to take in, but I want you to be a part of it. All of it.”

Yn felt a rush of warmth at his words, but it didn’t completely erase the sense of vulnerability she was feeling. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to dive headfirst into his world, but the way Hongjoong looked at her, the way he included her in everything—she felt like she wanted to try.

Hongjoong noticed the slight tension in Yn’s posture, the way her eyes darted around the room as if she were trying to find a way to disappear into the background. His heart ached for her, seeing how out of place she felt, and instinctively, he reached out to her, pulling her gently towards his side.

"You don’t have to go out there or even be in the front," he said, his voice soft but reassuring. "You’re more than welcome to hang back here. Just... be comfortable. I want you to enjoy yourself."

His words were like a balm to the growing anxiety inside her. He wasn’t pushing her to be anything she wasn’t ready for, and that small gesture—a simple, comforting touch—was enough to make her feel a little more at ease.

Yn looked up at him, her expression softening as she took in his words. His concern for her made her heart flutter, and she felt the weight of his kindness. He wasn’t trying to drag her into his world forcefully. He was offering her space, letting her decide what part of it she wanted to be in.

"Thanks," she whispered, her voice tinged with relief. She glanced around again at the band, then back to Hongjoong, appreciating how he wasn’t making her feel like an outsider.

Hongjoong smiled, the warmth in his eyes never leaving. "Of course. And if you change your mind, I’ll be out there with you. But for now, let’s just hang out here and enjoy the show from the sidelines." He gave her a playful wink, making it clear that there was no pressure.

Yn let out a deep sigh of relief, the weight of her nerves lifting slightly as she nodded her head. She felt a sense of calm settle over her in that quiet corner, away from the chaos of the venue, knowing Hongjoong was there beside her.

Before she could say anything more, Hongjoong turned to her with a warm smile. His eyes softened as he cupped her face gently, leaning in to place a quick, sweet kiss on her lips. The soft press of his lips against hers was enough to make her heart skip a beat, grounding her even more in that moment. It was simple, but filled with a tenderness that made everything feel right.

As he pulled away, he flashed her a wink, his grin playful. "Stay here, alright? I’ll be back in just a minute."

Yn watched as he rushed towards the stage, the energy around him changing as he got closer to his bandmates. She couldn’t help but smile, her heart swelling with pride. She was still processing everything—this world of music, his band, the people—but in that brief moment, Hongjoong had made her feel like she belonged, even if only for a little while.

As the band took their places on stage and the crowd erupted into applause, Yn stayed back, watching Hongjoong’s every move. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to be out there with him, but from here, in the safety of her corner, she could take it all in. The way he moved, the way his confidence shone as he interacted with the crowd—it made her heart race, and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was part of something bigger than herself.

The music began to play, and though she wasn’t on stage with him, she was right there in the moment, her eyes locked on him, cheering him on in her own quiet way. Hongjoong had invited her into this world, and even though it was overwhelming at times, she couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of excitement about where it might lead.

feburary 20th, 2023 1am

Yn sat on the bench beside her bed, her body tense, her legs trembling with a mix of anxiety and fear. Her mind was in a haze as she watched her own body being wheeled past her, pale and lifeless under the bright hospital lights. The sterile smell of the hospital was overwhelming, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight of the medical team rushing her body to the icu. It felt surreal, like watching a scene from a movie that was far too close to home.

Her heart pounded in her chest, the reality of the situation sinking in with each passing second. She wanted to scream, to rush to her own side, but she couldn’t. She was stuck in this strange, haunting space between life and death, unable to make sense of what was happening. Her mind was racing with questions, thoughts she couldn’t answer, and a deep sense of helplessness she couldn’t escape.

The sound of footsteps approaching pulled her from her thoughts, and she turned her head quickly, hoping to see a familiar face. Maddie appeared in the hallway, her expression full of worry and confusion. The moment their eyes met, Maddie started to rush towards her, but security quickly intervened, blocking her path.

"Hey! You can’t go past here," one of the guards said firmly, holding his ground as Maddie tried to push through.

Maddie flick him off as she let out a frustrated groan. Yn went up to the glass door as she placed her hand there as Maddie.

Yn’s heart sank as she watched Maddie break down, her words barely a whisper but carrying the weight of every unspoken fear. "Maddie..." Yn mumbled , her voice cracking as the tears streamed down her face. She could feel the overwhelming emotion rising inside her, the agony of being so close yet completely invisible.

Her breath hitched when she saw her parents rush into the scene, their faces etched with concern and worry. Maddie’s frantic questions hung in the air as they gathered around her, trying to offer some form of comfort in this moment of chaos.

Yn’s mother pulled Maddie into a tight embrace, her own sob catching in her throat as she tried to hold herself together. “Oh, Maddie…” she murmured, her voice trembling with sorrow. The pain in her words was raw, a mother’s anguish breaking through as she sought to comfort Maddie, even as her own heart was breaking.

Yn’s father stepped forward, wrapping his arms around them both, creating a cocoon of shared grief and worry. His eyes, bloodshot and puffy from tears, reflected the helplessness that hung heavily in the air. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. “Did they tell you anything? Anything at all?”

Maddie pulled back slightly, her face streaked with tears as she struggled to find her voice. “They said…” she began, her voice quivering. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, trying to steady herself. “They said it was a head-on collision. A collapsed lung, broken ribs, and—” Her voice cracked, and she couldn’t bring herself to say more.

Yn stood frozen, watching her parents and Maddie cling to one another. Her mother shook her head in despair, her tears falling freely now. “My baby…” she whispered, her knees threatening to give way as she leaned heavily into her husband for support.

“I don’t know if she’s going to make it,” Maddie finally choked out, her voice breaking as the weight of her fear pressed down on her. “They didn’t say much else. Just… just that she’s critical.”

Yn’s father tightened his hold on the two women, his own tears now streaming down his face. “She’s a fighter,” he said, his voice wavering but full of conviction. “Our Yn is strong. She’ll pull through. She has to.”

Yn felt like her chest was caving in as she watched the scene before her. The love, the pain, the desperation—it was all so overwhelming. Her family and her best friend, the people who meant the world to her, were suffering, and there was nothing she could do to reassure them, to let them know she was still here, fighting to find her way back.

“Maddie, Mom, Dad…” Yn whispered, her voice trembling as tears blurred her vision. “I’m still here. I’m not giving up.”

But no one could hear her. The invisible barrier that separated her from them was unyielding, and all she could do was watch, her heart breaking with every tear they shed.

november 30th, 2021

Hongjoong stepped into the lively house, the hum of chatter and laughter filling the air. The cozy glow of the lights warmed the space, and despite the initial flutter of nerves in his chest, his eyes instinctively searched for you. The tension in his shoulders eased the moment he spotted you, standing by the kitchen counter with your brother and his girlfriend, a bright smile lighting up your face.

Your laughter was infectious, drawing him in like a beacon amidst the bustling crowd. You were gesturing animatedly as you spoke, the soft hum of joy radiating from your little group. It was such a natural moment, and yet, to Hongjoong, it felt extraordinary. The way you laughed so freely, your smile effortlessly lighting up the room—it made his own lips curve upward.

He hesitated for a moment, standing near the doorway, watching the way you interacted with those around you. You seemed so at ease, so utterly yourself, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of admiration, mixed with the nerves that hadn’t completely dissipated.

Your brother nudged you playfully, causing another bout of laughter to erupt, and Hongjoong took that as his cue to move closer. He adjusted his jacket, smoothing down the front as if it would help steady his racing heart.

“Hey,” he called out softly, his voice cutting through the buzz just enough for you to turn your head in his direction.

Your eyes lit up when you saw him, a warm smile spreading across your face. “Hongjoong! You made it!”

That simple acknowledgment was enough to make his heart stutter. He grinned, stepping into your circle. “Of course I did. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Your brother raised a curious brow, his gaze flicking between you and Hongjoong, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just smirked, sharing a glance with his girlfriend before excusing themselves, leaving the two of you alone in the corner of the bustling room.

Hongjoong leaned in, his lips brushing softly against your cheek, his warm gesture drawing a quiet smile from you. The tender moment was interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps, and you turned to see your mother entering the room, her cheerful energy practically lighting up the space.

“Ah, there you are!” she exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement as her eyes landed on the two of you. “Hongjoong, it’s so good to see you again!”

She rushed toward the two of you, her arms outstretched in a welcoming gesture. Hongjoong straightened up, his signature grin lighting up his face as he met her halfway. “It’s great to see you too, Mrs. [Your Last Name],” he said, his tone warm and genuine.

“Oh, none of that formal nonsense,” your mother said with a playful wave of her hand as she pulled him into a quick hug. “You’re practically family now.”

Your cheeks warmed at her words, and you glanced at Hongjoong, who seemed equally caught off guard by the comment. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I’m honored. Thank you.”

Your mother stepped back, giving the two of you a knowing smile. “You’ve been keeping this one happy, haven’t you?” she teased, nudging you lightly with her elbow.

“Mom!” you protested, though your flustered tone only made her laugh more.

“What?” she said innocently, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “It’s just nice to see my baby with someone who clearly adores them.”

Hongjoong’s ears turned a faint shade of pink, but he didn’t shy away. Instead, he glanced at you with a soft smile. “I do, Mrs.—I mean, Mom,” he said, testing the word with a bit of humor, which earned an approving laugh from your mother.

“Well, good,” she said with a satisfied nod. “Now, you two go enjoy yourselves. There’s plenty of food, and your father’s been trying to show off his new grill skills if you’re brave enough to taste-test.”

With a wink, she bustled off toward the kitchen, leaving the two of you alone again.

Hongjoong turned to you, his expression a mix of amusement and affection. “I think I might be a little scared of your dad’s cooking now.”

You laughed, nudging him playfully. “Don’t worry, I’ll be your food tester. It’s a small price to pay for having you here.”

He leaned closer, his voice dropping slightly as he whispered, “I think I’m the lucky one for being here with you.

feburary 20th, 2023 10:30a

Yn’s gaze was fixed out the hospital window, the rhythmic beeping of the machine keeping her stable a constant reminder of the fragility of her current state. The hum of the bustling world outside seemed so distant, like a melody she could no longer fully reach. She took a shaky breath, her thoughts heavy and tangled, when something in the distance caught her attention.

Her eyes widened as she stood abruptly, the chair scraping softly against the floor. Through the glass, she saw Hongjoong, his figure unmistakable even amidst the chaos outside. He was running toward the hospital, his expression frantic, his strides fueled by urgency and worry.

“Hongjoong…” she whispered, her voice barely audible in the silent room.

Her hand instinctively moved to the window, as if the simple gesture could bridge the gap between them. She pressed her palm to the cold glass, her heart aching at the sight of him. He looked disheveled, his jacket barely clinging to his shoulders as he sprinted across the snowy pavement.

The desperation on his face was clear, and it struck something deep within her. It wasn’t just worry—it was fear, the kind that clung to every fiber of his being, driving him forward with reckless determination.

Yn’s chest tightened as she stepped closer to the window, her breath fogging the glass. She knew he couldn’t see her, couldn’t feel the weight of her gaze. But still, she stood there, watching, willing him to sense her presence somehow.

Yn’s feet carried her toward the ICU’s main doors almost instinctively, her entire being drawn by the pull of Hongjoong’s presence. The air felt thick with tension, her anxiety mounting with each step. She stood just beyond the threshold, her translucent form unable to do more than watch as he burst through the hospital’s front doors.

Her breath hitched when she saw him sprinting down the hallway, his hair disheveled, his face flushed from the cold and exertion. His eyes were wild, frantic, searching desperately as he neared the ICU.

And then he saw her body through the glass window.

"Yn!" His cry was loud, raw, and full of anguish. He banged on the glass with his fists, his voice breaking as he called out her name again.

"Sir! You need to calm down!" the nurse urged, her tone firm as she tried to guide Hongjoong away from the glass.

Hongjoong shrugged her hand off with an irritated huff, his frustration palpable. “I’m not leaving her!” he snapped, his voice trembling with raw emotion.

Before the nurse could respond, Maddie appeared by his side, her face a mix of worry and exasperation. She grabbed his arm, tugging him back gently but firmly. “Hongjoong, cut it out,” she said in a low, urgent tone. “You’re going to get kicked out if you don’t chill.”

He let out a heavy sigh, his body still tense as his eyes darted back to the window. “She’s in there, Maddie,” he said, his voice cracking. “I can’t just stand here and do nothing. She needs to know I’m here.”

Maddie’s expression softened as she stepped in front of him, placing both hands on his shoulders to steady him. “She knows, Hongjoong,” she said firmly, her tone laced with a kind of quiet strength. “But you losing it here isn’t going to help her. You need to keep it together—for her.”

Hongjoong’s shoulders slumped, the fight in him wavering as Maddie’s words sank in. He dragged a hand through his hair, his breath uneven as he tried to compose himself.

" joongie.." yn mumbled, watching their figure leave her sight.

december 15th, 2021

Hongjoong felt his heart swell, almost painfully so, as he watched Yn standing before him, her cheeks flushed from the crisp air and her laughter still echoing in his ears. She had this way of lighting up the world around her, making even the simplest moments feel extraordinary.

Her hair danced softly in the breeze, and the faint glow of the setting sun cast a golden halo around her. It was as though she belonged to this magical hour, a vision he couldn’t look away from.

“You’re staring,” Yn said with a teasing smile, her voice pulling him from his thoughts.

He blinked, a sheepish grin tugging at his lips. “Can you blame me?” he replied, his voice soft but filled with sincerity.

Yn rolled her eyes, though her cheeks grew warmer under his gaze. “You’re ridiculous,” she murmured, but there was no hiding the affection in her tone.

“Maybe,” Hongjoong admitted, taking a step closer to her. “But only when it comes to you.”

Yn bit her lip, trying to fight the smile threatening to break through, but she couldn’t. He always had a way of disarming her, of making her feel like the most important person in the world.

Hongjoong reached out, gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, his touch warm against her skin. “You’re incredible, Yn,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

Yn leaned forward, her heart racing as she closed the distance between them, her lips meeting Hongjoong’s in a soft, tender kiss. The world seemed to pause, the cool evening air wrapping around them as their connection deepened.

Hongjoong’s initial surprise melted into warmth, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he kissed her back. Their shared laughter mingled into the moment, light and full of affection, as if they couldn’t help but revel in the joy they found in each other.

His arms circled her waist, pulling her closer, while her hands rested gently against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It was as if they were silently promising each other that this—whatever they were building together—was real, solid, and theirs to cherish.

When they finally pulled back, their foreheads rested against each other, both of them grinning like they’d just shared the best secret in the world.

Hongjoong tugged her hand into his pocket, " come on i have something to show you love"

Yn looked around the dimly lit warehouse, her eyes adjusting to the faint glow filtering through the dusty windows. The place was far from glamorous—cracked walls, old boxes stacked haphazardly, and cobwebs clinging to the rafters—but there was something charming about it. It was raw, unpolished, and full of potential, much like the dream Hongjoong and his band had been chasing.

" this is going to be the band's place - we finally got approval from our managment,"

Her hand remained snug in his pocket, and she could feel the warmth of his fingers against hers as he gazed at her with barely contained excitement.

“Really?” she asked, her voice tinged with awe. “This is going to be yours?”

Hongjoong nodded, his grin wide and proud. “Ours,” he corrected. “The band’s. But yeah. Management finally approved it. We’ve been saving up and negotiating for months.”

He stepped forward, spreading his arms out as if envisioning what the space could become. “Just imagine it, Yn. Our gear set up right here, a recording booth there. A space where we can practice, record, baby it's going to be amazing.”

Yn stepped closer, her eyes scanning the empty space with a growing sense of excitement. Hongjoong’s vision was infectious, and she could already imagine the transformation: the sound of music filling the air, the hum of creativity bouncing off the walls. It wasn’t much yet, but it was theirs.

“I can already see it,” Yn said, a smile tugging at her lips. “I can hear the music echoing through here. It’s going to be so good.”

Hongjoong’s eyes lit up at her response, his hands moving as he spoke, like he was sketching out the dream in the air. “And imagine this corner for the band’s merch, some cozy spots for us to relax after long sessions, and of course”—he grinned—“a place where you can come play your cello whenever you want.”

Yn's chest tightened with emotion, her gaze softening as she looked at Hongjoong, feeling a rush of warmth flood through her. The way he spoke about her cello, the way he included her in his dreams, made her heart swell in a way she hadn't expected. The love she had for him was so deep, so unwavering, it was as if her entire world revolved around him.

She blinked rapidly, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over, but it was no use. They welled up, catching the light in her eyes as she took a step closer to him, her hand still held tightly in his. Hongjoong smiled at her, cupping her cheeks as he pulled her close to him.

Hongjoong’s touch was gentle but steady, his hands cradling her face as he pulled her closer, their breaths mingling in the quiet space. Yn’s heart fluttered as she gazed into his eyes, the weight of her feelings for him settling deeply in her chest. Every moment, every word, every small gesture from him made her feel more seen, more understood, than she ever had before.

In that moment, surrounded by the rough edges of the warehouse, they both knew one thing for sure—no matter where life took them, they would always have each other. And together, they would make every dream, every note, every moment count.

january 29th, 2022

Yn stood at the front, just a few feet away from the stage, her heart racing with excitement and pride. Hongjoong was right there, his fingers moving effortlessly over the strings of his guitar as he played with all his passion. Jongho’s voice soared through the venue, harmonizing perfectly with San, who added his own energy to the song. The crowd was electrified, cheering, screaming, and dancing as the music reverberated through the air.

Yn’s eyes were locked on Hongjoong, his face lit up with a grin as he caught her gaze from the stage. There was something about seeing him up there, so alive and so in his element, that made her heart swell with admiration. He wasn’t just a musician; he was a force, a person who had worked so hard to get to this point, and now he was sharing it with the world.

The energy of the room was contagious, and as the beat dropped, the crowd lost their minds, jumping and clapping in perfect rhythm. The sound was overwhelming, but all Yn could focus on was the way Hongjoong moved on stage, the way he made it all look so effortless. He was doing what he loved, and she couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of pride and joy for him.

As the song built to its climax, Hongjoong’s eyes met hers again, and he gave her a subtle nod, as if to say, This is for you too. Yn’s heart skipped a beat, the connection between them even more intense than before. The crowd was screaming, but in that moment, it felt like it was just the two of them, sharing something beautiful.

Yn fumbled with her fingers nervously, her gaze flickering between the boys as they loaded their gear into the van. The sound of laughter and conversation filled the air, but her thoughts kept drifting to how much her heart raced in anticipation. She could see the boys—Hongjoong, Jongho, San, and the rest of the band—smiling, their faces lit up with the excitement of a successful show. Yet, she felt a nervous flutter in her chest.

Hongjoong caught her eye from across the parking lot and flashed her a wide grin, his energy infectious. He had just finished talking to some of the crew members but immediately made his way over to her.

"Hey," he greeted warmly, pulling her into a quick but tender hug. The weight of his arms around her made her feel grounded, despite the chaos around them. "You good?" he asked, his voice low, filled with concern but also affection.

Yn nodded, trying to hide the anxiety that still simmered in her stomach. "Yeah, so proud of you baby!"

Hongjoong chuckled, placing his case on the ground as he pulled her to the side. " hey, what's wrong?"

Hongjoong stepped closer, his brow furrowing in concern as he gently cupped her face, making her meet his gaze. "You don’t have to hide it, Yn," he said softly, his thumb brushing across her cheek. "Talk to me. What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

His words, his tone, made her heart flutter, but the anxiety still lingered. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before speaking again. " i applied to julliard "

Hongjoong's breath caught in his throat, his mind racing to process what Yn had just said. He took a step back, trying to read her face, but all he saw was a mix of uncertainty and fear.

" julliard..wow," His voice was softer than he intended, but the shock was clear. His heart felt heavy, the weight of her words pressing down on him. He had always known how talented she was, but hearing her mention Julliard—one of the most prestigious music schools in the world—took him by surprise.

Yn nodded, her eyes avoiding his gaze. she gulped, " i got an audition, in seoul. i go next week and i was wondering if you'll go with me.."

" that's in new york yn,"

Hongjoong’s words hung in the air, heavy with the reality of the situation. New York. It felt like miles away, a world apart from everything they had here. He was torn between wanting to support her and the gnawing feeling in his stomach, knowing what it could mean for their relationship.

Yn fidgeted with her hands, her heart racing. “I know. I just... I can’t go alone, Hongjoong. This is everything to me, and I want you there. To help me through it, to support me like you always do.”

Her voice trembled slightly, and Hongjoong could hear the vulnerability in it, the fear of taking this huge step alone. His heart ached for her, for how hard this decision must have been.

" i-i can't baby... our manager signed us up for a gig next week and i-.."

yn felt her heart drop and hongjoong saw it in her face. The guilt crept up in him as yn nodded her head, swallowing the tears that wanted to drop. Hongjoong’s heart clenched as he saw the way her smile wavered, her sadness barely hidden behind the façade she put on. He could see the disappointment in her eyes, the way her shoulders sagged slightly, as if the weight of the situation was starting to settle in.

She smiled at him, " that's okay..it was kind a sprung up on you last minute."

Hongjoong's heart ached as he heard her try to downplay it. He could see through her words, the way she was trying to make it seem like it didn’t hurt, but he knew better. He gently reached for her hand, squeezing it softly.

febuary 20th, 2023 5:25pm

Hongjoong couldn’t keep still. His eyes darted around the waiting room, his mind racing a thousand miles a minute. His fingers were nervously gnawing at his nails as he paced back and forth. His thoughts kept circling back to Yn.

The rest of the band was quiet, some of them half asleep, clearly exhausted from the long day. But for Hongjoong, sleep was impossible. His heart was in his throat, each minute feeling like an eternity as he waited for any word on her condition.

He glanced over at Mingi, who was half sitting, half laying across a row of chairs, trying to catch some rest. Yunho was dozing with his head resting on his arms, while Seonghwa sat upright, clearly as restless as Hongjoong, though he was trying to keep his composure.

"Why isn’t there any news yet?" Hongjoong muttered to himself, pacing faster. He could hear the soft hum of the fluorescent lights above, the sound of muffled voices down the hall, but it all felt distant. His mind kept replaying the last moments he spent with Yn before she left for the audition, how everything had felt so normal, so right.

His heart skipped as he thought about her walking through those doors, the joy in her eyes when she spoke of her dreams, and how much he wanted to be there by her side through it all.

The door to the waiting room creaked open, and Hongjoong snapped his head towards it. A nurse stepped inside, her expression unreadable. His breath hitched as he took a step forward with yn's mother and father.

“How is she?” yn father asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The nurse paused, giving a small, empathetic look before answering. “She’s stable for now. The next few hours are critical. She’s been through a lot, but the doctors are doing everything they can.”

Hongjoong breathe hitched in his throat as Maddie looked at him. Hongjoong left, tears streaming down his face as he left, his chest tightening as maddie trailed behind him.

Hongjoong’s legs felt like they were made of lead as he staggered out of the waiting room, the words of the nurse echoing in his ears. Stable for now. His heart was pounding, a rhythmic beat of fear that seemed to sync with the deep ache in his chest. The weight of her words hung heavy over him, every step feeling like it might crush him beneath its gravity.

His vision blurred with unshed tears, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting to her, making sure she was okay. He didn’t even know where he was going, just that he needed to move, needed to do something.

“Maddie, stay back,” he croaked, trying to steady his breath as he rounded a corner. But Maddie’s footsteps were right behind him, firm and determined, just like her.

“I’m not leaving you alone,” she said, her voice low but insistent. She caught up to him, grabbing his arm as he tried to push forward. “You can’t do this alone, Hongjoong. Let me help.”

He shook his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand as he looked at her, eyes filled with pain and guilt. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve gone with her. This is my fault.”

“Stop,” Maddie said, her voice firmer now as she stepped in front of him. “It’s not your fault, Hongjoong. No one could’ve predicted this.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm the storm inside of him, but the thoughts were too overwhelming. The image of her, smiling and excited just hours before, was burned into his mind. The memory of their last words together—so full of hope and love. And now, here he was, standing in the hospital corridor, unable to protect her.

“I don’t even know if she’s going to wake up,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I can’t lose her, Maddie. I can’t.”

Maddie reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, her grip strong and reassuring. “She’s strong, Hongjoong. And so are you. Whatever happens, you won’t be alone in this. You have us. You have me.”

Hongjoong nodded, trying to find some semblance of strength in her words. He swallowed the lump in his throat, a shaky breath escaping his lips.

" did she make it ? into julliard?" hongjoong asked, his voice cracking.

Maddie shook her head no, " she was supposed to get a letter today..so we don't know,"

feburary 27th, 2023 10:30am

" yn ln "

yn breathe hitched as she looked at Maddie who gave her an encouraging smile.

" you got this, go geek out on stage " maddie said, smiling widely at her.

Yn nodded her head as she stepped onto the stage. She let out a breathe. As she sat on the chair, she brought her bow out and began to play.

The moment her bow touched the strings, everything else fell away. The world, the crowd, the noise—everything blurred into the background as Yn's focus locked solely onto the cello in her hands. She felt the music rise within her, each note flowing like a wave of emotions she hadn't realized she was holding onto.

The sound filled the room, vibrant and alive. It was as if every chord was an extension of herself, her heart beating through the cello’s strings. The bow moved fluidly, her fingers finding their way effortlessly as she sank into the music, the rhythm pulsing through her veins.

She wasn’t just playing. She was alive in the moment, her soul dancing with every note. The audience was captivated, entranced by the passion that poured from her. And in that moment, Yn could feel it—the connection between herself and the music, a bond that no words could describe.

As the bow glided across the strings, the music swelled, carrying her higher with each note. Yn felt weightless, as if the melody itself were lifting her onto a cloud. The world outside her cello didn’t exist, not the aching silence from Hongjoong nor the uncertainty that had plagued her since their last conversation. Here, on stage, she felt whole.

But even as she poured her soul into the music, a bittersweet ache lingered in the back of her mind. The absence of his voice, his laughter, his reassuring words—it all weighed on her. She hadn’t heard from him since she told him about the audition, and the void he left felt like a quiet, unspoken goodbye.

Still, as her fingers danced over the strings, she let herself believe for a moment that the music could reach him, wherever he was. That maybe, just maybe, he’d hear it and understand everything she couldn’t put into words. That this was her love, her passion—and it didn’t mean there wasn’t room for him too.

The final note lingered in the air, a perfect echo of her feelings: raw, vulnerable, and yearning.

feburary 20th, 2023 10pm

Hongjoong's breath hitched as he stepped into the room. The sterile smell of antiseptic and the rhythmic beeping of monitors filled the air, a stark contrast to the life and energy that always surrounded Yn. She lay there, her face pale against the stark white of the hospital sheets, her frame seemingly smaller, more fragile than he remembered.

It was like the world had stopped turning.

His knees threatened to give way as he approached her bed, the weight of his emotions almost too much to bear. Hongjoong clenched his fists, forcing himself to stay upright, to be strong for her even when every part of him felt like crumbling.

“Yn,” he whispered, his voice cracking. He reached out, his trembling hand gently brushing a strand of hair from her face. The sight of her like this, hooked up to machines, her chest rising and falling so faintly—it was unbearable.

He sank into the chair beside her, clasping her hand in his, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. Hongjoong pressed his lips firmly against her knuckles, the warmth of her skin faint but enough to keep hope alive. His tears fell freely, dripping onto their joined hands as he clung to her, his heart breaking with every shallow rise and fall of her chest.

Yn froze as she stood beside him, her translucent figure mirroring the stillness of the room. She watched in disbelief as Hongjoong reached into his pocket, pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope. Hongjoong’s fingers trembled as he unfolded it, his tear-streaked face softening as he read the letter. His voice cracked as he began to read aloud, the words carrying through the room like a whisper meant just for her.

“You got in... you’re going to Juilliard, Ynnie,” he repeated, his tears falling freely, dripping onto the crisp paper. His grip on the acceptance letter was tight, as if holding onto it would somehow keep her tethered to this world.

Yn’s ghostly figure stood frozen beside him, her eyes wide and glistening as she took in the moment. Her voice cracked, though he couldn’t hear it. “I got in...?” she whispered, her ethereal form trembling. “I really got in...”

Hongjoong nodded to no one in particular, as though responding to her unspoken words. "You did it," he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "You’re incredible, Yn. I always knew you would make it."

The weight of his love and regret was almost tangible, filling the room like a storm about to break. "You worked so hard for this," he continued, clutching the letter against his chest. "I should’ve been there for you, cheering you on, not stuck in my own head. I’m sorry I wasn’t. But I’m so damn proud of you."

Yn reached out, her hand hovering inches above his tear-streaked face, wishing desperately that she could comfort him. “Hongjoong...” she murmured, her voice shaking. “I wish you could hear me.”

The stillness of her body in the hospital bed mirrored her helplessness. The machines beeped steadily, indifferent to the emotional storm in the room. And yet, Hongjoong’s words, his raw, vulnerable love, seemed to reach something deep inside her.

The faintest flicker of movement stirred in her fingertips, unnoticed by either of them—but it was there.

Hongjoong’s voice trembled as he spoke, his chuckle brittle with the weight of his emotions. He shoved the letter back into his pocket, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair. “I’m sorry for ignoring you, Yn,” he said softly, his gaze locked on her still form in the hospital bed. “I got so scared... I didn’t know how to handle it. You were chasing this huge dream, and I... I didn’t know if I’d be enough to keep up.”

He laughed bitterly, tears slipping down his cheeks as he sat back in the chair, gripping her hand tightly. “I thought maybe if I stayed distant, it would hurt less if things fell apart. But it didn’t. It only made everything worse. I pushed you away when I should’ve been holding on tighter.”

Yn’s spirit stood frozen beside him, her translucent figure trembling as she listened to his confession. “Hongjoong...” she whispered, though her voice couldn’t reach him. Her heart ached at the sight of his raw regret, the tears he tried to hide, the way he clung to her hand as if it were his lifeline.

“I was so stupid,” he continued, his voice cracking. “You deserved someone better—someone who would have stood by your side no matter what. But I was scared of losing you to the world. And now... now I’m scared I’ve lost you for good.”

Yn’s gaze darted to her body in the bed, her fingers unmoving, her chest rising and falling with the rhythm of the machines. Her ethereal form shimmered as she stepped closer to him, desperate to bridge the gap between them.

“You haven’t lost me,” she murmured, her voice breaking. “I’m still here... I’m trying to come back to you.”

As if sensing something, Hongjoong leaned forward, his head bowed over her hand. “Please, Yn,” he whispered. “If you can hear me, if there’s any part of you that can feel this... come back to me. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

The sudden rush of air into her lungs was startling, as if she’d been submerged underwater and finally broke through the surface. Yn gasped, her ghostly form snapping back into her body with a jolt. The darkness that had surrounded her felt heavy, but the warmth radiating from Hongjoong’s touch lit a spark deep within her.

Her fingers twitched again, this time more deliberately, and then her eyelids fluttered. A small groan escaped her lips, hoarse and barely audible, but enough to send Hongjoong reeling back in shock.

“Yn?”

[dearabby1990]

Chapter 37: Why can’t this be love

The surprise engagement party went off without a hitch. Everyone slowly showing up meeting extensions of your new family & receiving one of the warmest parental hugs you’ve ever gotten from Joyce & Wayne & Hopper who’ve known your mother way back in high school the constant reminder of how you look just like her warms your heart & soul. Having your best friend headline for your party to top it off gareth at the mic singing all your & Eddie’s favorites Van Halen “why can’t this be love” instrumentals dancing through the trees as everyone has the time of their life drinking laughing & becoming closer. Eddie swaying with you in the center of it all your head against his chest before he leans to whisper in your ear “I can’t wait to get you home & out of this dress you have no idea what you’re doing to me right now” his breath tickling your ear running along your spine all you could do was giggle and plan a kiss to the top of his nose “I love you Ed’s & I can’t wait to get my fiancé home either” you wink at him he nuzzles into you “I love the sound of that but I think wife sounds even better” he growls then you watch panic wash over his face “what’s wrong Eddie?” He pulls you off to the side “look princess I know you’ll be wanting to plan & all that jazz & that’s all fine & everything I want it to be perfect the best fuckin wedding this town has ever seen but… I wanna make sure we have the funds for such an event.. it’s gonna take me a bit but..” before he could finish you put a finger over his lips. It’s time to tell him not a lot of people know just your aunt & your cousins. If your father got wind of what you have he would’ve surely have gotten drunk with it & beaten you for the rest. “Eddie before you finish that sentence I have to tell you something..” he looks scared “sweetheart look at me okay look me in the eyes I promise you it’s nothing bad it’s just… okay when my mom found out she was pregnant with me she started a small trust for me her & my grandfather & he made her promise when he passed to put what he had left into it but that’s not all… my mom also had life insurance not just for her but for me too but then… then she got sick & then passed & so… I have these accounts that only me & very few people know about because Eddie listen to me okay?? If my father ever found out I was left even a dollar he’d come & beat the crap out of me & take it to get drunk” his eyes flash with multiple emotions & it has you feeling like you’re in fight or flight mode & Eddie’s starting to realize that so he grounds you from behind in a hug “id never let anyone hurt you… ever not for anything.. I love you & I don’t care about money just you” he turns you around cupping your face “I know that Eds it’s why I’m telling you.. I don’t want you killing yourself or working crazy hours for cakes and flowers I promise we have enough to pay for that & then some… now we’re not millionaires by any means but it’s enough to have our wedding.. buy a house & maybe even start a business I want to be smart & invest some too we’ll figure out those details later but for right now I wanna enjoy this in the moment with you..” he pulls you in smashing his lips against yours all you hear is a series of “aws whistling & dustins fake gagging sounds before gareth slaps him in the back of the head you see how sad Steve looks and have a small idea “stay right here love I'll be right back” you make your way through everyone to Steve & robin “hey you two mind if I borrow Steve a sec?” Robin smiles “by all means jame & congrats again I’m so happy for you” she squeezes you so hard it’s difficult to breathe before walking off to Nancy “hey Mr babysitter” you smile at him hand on his shoulder “hey Jame congratulations you look beautiful” you blush “thanks but um.. I wanted to ask you something my cousin Rachel is gonna be a bridesmaid & I know you’ll be a part of the wedding party too she’s single.. you’re single.. maybe you two should go out get to know each other” you wink at him before pointing her out.

You set Rachel & Steve up on a date watching them hit it off right away made you absolutely giddy inside before you knew it you & Eddie were saying goodbye & hopping into the car since Jeff had the band equipment & van plus Eddie loved driving Paula as much as you did something about the wind in our hair as we went home made life feel so freeing the street lights illuminating the town the sound of Elvin Bishop blasting throughout the car Eddie’s hand on your thigh as he sang to you loving moments like this 🎼”I fooled around & fell in love!!”🎼 both of your hair & his blowing across your faces you turn to him staring at him taking in the moment to tell your grandchildren years from now pulling into the driveway you didn’t give it a second the moment the engine cut you were out of your seat yanking Eddie from his pulling him up to the porch “hold your horses princess” he giggled as the door opened you pull him inside kicking the door shut behind you sliding your hand to his cheek pulling him in lips fitting like puzzle pieces his picks you up carrying you into the bedroom your legs wrapped around his waist not taking a second for air feeling completely dizzy but could care less what a way to die death by kisses & love. Eddie slams you up against the bedroom wall kissing down your neck lips gliding across your collarbone sliding down him you both wasted no time taking each others clothes off before you both knew it you were both nude and panting staring into each other’s eyes almost like you were looking into each other’s souls his hand cradles the back of your neck opening you up to him tongue swiping across your lips a silent plea you don’t hesitate hands in his hair he guides you to the bed knees hitting the edge as you softly fall upon the covers hair splayed across the pillows he looks at you like a work of art but touches you as if your made of glass. Hands dancing up your skin breaking out in goosebumps whimpering mess wanting to bare it all to each other you pull him up to you foreheads touching before he glides his cold rings & fingers across your aching heat you gasp & he chuckles “okay princess no teasing I promise tonight we make love” & with that he crashes his lips against yours once more hands wondering to your breasts parting your legs with his knee before nestling into you “should we get a condom shit I forgot” you look at him smiling “Ed’s we’re getting married I don’t think those matter anymore” you tuck a hair behind his ear he peppers your body in kisses before slowly entering you nails running down his back legs around his waist one of his hands on your hip the other on your cheek as he whispers the most loving sentiments making tears fill your lash line & soon a full stream as you bury your face into his neck letting him know you’ve never loved anyone as strongly as you do him the light of the moon glistening off of your body’s the sounds of your love the bed and bedsheets until you both finish body’s trembling both puffy lips and puffy eyes. Eddie truly never knew what it felt like to be unconditionally loved until he was loved by you at first it scared him but know he couldn’t be more happy to have taken that leap & with someone as amazing as you. He can’t wait to see what you look like in a wedding dress he just knows you look ethereal no matter what. He lays there in the dark with you watching you as you slowly drift into sleep playing with your ring finger smiling record player in the background Elton John “Mona Lisa’s & Mad hatters” lulling him off to sleep pulling you closer to his chest inhaling the scent of your shampoo as a comfort never feeling as content as he does in this very moment.

[piece-of-the-pie-if]

Hey author, how are you? 💕

I'm curious to know what kind of music the RO's like. Who are their idols? Any artists/genres that are a guilty pleasure for them?

Any kind of music they pretend to like just 'cos it's popular? *discreetly looks at Kinsley*

Hello nonie~ I'm doing good thank you!

this kind of question is hard for me, personally, to think about because of my own relationship with music and music artists (which is why this took so fucking long) which is to say I love music and don't really pay attention much to artists beyond the fact they make the music I love (lmao I really don't care about celebrities, I find it quite concerning that so many people idolise them so much... like your(general) fave is just a guy at the end of the day lmao) (that being said I can understand having an influence and following the *work* of an artist you really connect to) and I find it hard to make hard line distinctions between genres, aha 🤭

That being said, let's have a look at some music! (This is an excuse to show off my extensive and exhaustive music reach and taste, so thank you!)

Dylan──they're open to all types of music but they only really purchase R&B albums! Artists like Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, Tina Turner, Prince, Alicia Keys, Frank Ocean, SZA, Kehlani and Miguel are all artists Dyl owns albums (and vinyls!!) for! Dyl introduced Kin to R&B and they usually listen to the artists she likes more when they're together (Beyoncé, Victoria Monét, Lionel Ritchie etc) They like ‘Foreign Language’ R&B too, artists like BIBI, DEAN, Cherrie, Girl Ultra, Adi Oasis, ØZI, Yseult and Lous And The Yakuza.

Shay──the real eclectic listener! He likes next to every genre of music, Rap, Hip Hop, R&B, Pop, K-pop, J-rock, Folk, Funk, Phonk, EDM, Heavy Metal, Grunge, House, Synth, Soul... even Country... Country Fusion! Shay likes artists that kind of... don't have a genre? Like Sleep Token, Twenty One Pilots, Pink Floyd, Oingo Boingo, Lene Lovich, David Bowie, Gorillaz, Poppy, Bring Me The Horizon, Afterlife, Seventeen, Red Velvet and Hannah Wicklund. He definitely love finding new music as well as sharing new music! (Watch the YouTube/Twitch channel that's got a segment dedicated to reacting to new music!! Like HTHAZE!)

Kinsley──lmao she doesn't mind Popular music but, like, the last Taylor Swift album she actively sought out was 1989 (she's partial to This Love) and Kin would rather die than be subjected to Trap music. She's very into genres like Alternative Indie, Indie Rock, Neo Soul, and R&B artists like Hozier, Florence + The Machine, Lorde, Phoebe Bridgers, Lizzy McAlpine, Searows, Reneé Rapp, Ethel Cain and Noah Kahan. Her R&B influence is mainly from being Dylan's friend but she does love artists like Beyoncé (she really loved her self titled album and especially Virgo's Groove off of Renaissance), Victoria Monét (particularly the Jaguar II album) and Khalid as well as older artists like Mary J. Blige, Marvin Gaye or Lionel Ritchie!

J──they tend to listen to music for the beat, the bass, the instrumentals more than lyrics. They like heavier genres like Rock, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Alternative Rock, Punk Rock, Nu Metal, Grunge and other genres like EDM, Synth, Techno and Trance. They also listen to Italian artists quite a lot, mainly because J wants to keep up with the language (because their father refuses to speak it or teach them) so artists like Måneskin, Jovanotti, Lacuna Coil, Max Gazzé, Vanerus, and even Vivaldi. J also listens to anything their sister recommends them, even if it's the most bubblegum pink pop shit they've ever heard─if Bells likes it they're listening. Shay will also introduce them to the wonders of J-rock and K-pop which bend genre all the time!

Theo──a Pop lover! Or rather, Theo tends to stick to listening to the radio or the Popular Playlist on Spotify! They tend to like more instrumental artists like or soundtrack artists like Hans Zimmer, Hiroyuki Sawano, Danny Elfman, Vangelis, Rachel Portman (who was the first female composer to win an academy award for best original score!) and Michael Giacchino over anything else and they 'broaden their horizons' by being dragged to Jazz bars and open house cafés by C (and MC) so it's not like they're stuck in one/two genre's!!

Bonus! Some Modern/Nu Jazz artists C likes: Ezra Collective, Nubya Garcia, Masego, Cherise, Camille Munn, Blue Lab Beats, Kasami Washington, Esperanza Spalding, Snarky Puppy, GoGo Penguin, Mathilde Widding and Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah!

[kindred-spirit-93]

and now for a post this blog was made for (take this as free trial of what to expect down the line. fair warning; not to scale)

If I had a nickel for every time a protagonist had to choose between a sword and a guitar, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

the first (and tbf only) two that come to mind are Manolo from the book of life and Kubo from Kubo and the two strings

quick background: manolo had to fight a giant toro (all the bulls his bullfighter family killed ever, and kubo had to defeat his grandfather the moon king in his final form. also he uses a shamisen not a guitar. but it fits the category so theres that)

and its such a beautiful and strange concept; to be presented with the choice of peace via music, or violence (so to speak) by the sword, and it works. the apology song moved me to tears the first time i heard it and kubo's words are truly beautiful and ones i wont forget.

i think its what the music relays rather than the instrument that brings about a change of heart or leads the hero to victory; their empathy and humanity. family is a prominent theme too, one of love and guidance and ocassionally a source of greivance lol.

i havent watched either films in quite a while (BoL 10 years ago oof) but both songs/ pieces speak so much truth they are able to do what the sword could never achieve. and now for a segment i like to call from where i stand, where i get to link fiction with my life and experiences to provide insight from, say it with me now, where i stand: as an aspiring psychiatrist in a part of the world where mental health is still finding its footing in the public eye and sadly among other healthcare students, its hurts to see how little we listen to each other, compounded by how simple and effective just basic human connection is in somehwat alleviating (albeit temporarily) whatever it is someone is going through. empathy my dudes. it goes a long way.

manolo appologises for the centuries of grief his family profession has inflicted on the bulls, and extends a warm hand of understanding and sincerity, while kubo uses the power of memories and love to prove to his grandfather that so long as he has his eye, an eye capable of seeing (and by extension a heart capable of loving and a soul capable of feeling), he will live and prosper. their humanity prevails and brings peace.

final word: to quote Jonathan Decker from a CT episode i cant remember lol: "Kindness won't always change someone, but it shows them you won't be changed." and i think its an important gap to mind, in the sense that the magic of music or whatever wont fix our real life probelms, like a failing relationship, but kindness and empathy and humanity are all necessary for healing and growth. and that, i believe is the message behind the trope. a good day to you all.

me, an intellectual:

[feedbackblues]

hi. i am renowned Playlist Maker feeba. here's my outer wilds playlist. EXTENSIVE explanation (AND OUTER WILDS + DLC SPOILERS) of every single song below the cut because i am INSANE and autisitc

Carrion: This song gave me the same feeling as reading some of the nomai text in the ruins. This song is insane to me. ["my soul," she cried "i thought you'd died / amid fumes of formaldehyde / you have been gone, for so long" i felt the lapping of an ebbing tide] <- particularly this part reads as when i explored the ruptured core...

Storm's Raging: HI blaseballers. are you emotionally destroyed? i'm emotionally destroyed. [the sun ain't coming back, the sun ain't coming back, the storm is raging]

Blank Slate: oh come on. Come On man. the universe has reset, has refreshed. [the slate, the slate, the slate is blank / and now, i know, we can't go back] come ONNNN

Didn't You Hear?: something about this is just so Nomai Music to me. the tenderness of the singer's voice. the way the instruments sound. the contents of the lyrics themselves [didn't you hear? there are signs in the sky / they say dreamers hang on / you'll wake by and by / and why are we all playing at games we cannot win? / we play because we fear we cannot play again]

In Space: an instrumental little jaunt that sits somewhere between Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and the merry wonders of the stars

Stairs to the Attic: oh boy. this is one of the more complex ones to me. the lyrics of this are self-explanatory, if you know the story of the game ([and through the door there was the attic / without old clothes, without a ceiling / everything had opened wide / into the jaws of something bigger]), but there's just something about the desperate existential voice that drives my brain nuts

Leviathan: fullstop this is about the Nomai extinction to me. or Solanum. i just. 😭😭😭 FUUUCK man. Fuck

Onset - Beyond Clouds: another instrumental.. reminds me of the pre-intelligence hearthian ancestors seeing the stars for the first time tbh

diary entry 7/15 - 7/28 + fourteen days is not enough for my screams to reach your ears: (these songs connect together) self-explanatory if you look at the lyrics tbh. [short wicks on a small stage / watch us burn, watch us burn, watch us burn / oh, you won't see me cry] [all our worlds will end / all our time is burning] also again... Hi blaseballers...

two week world: OH WHEN THE WOOOORLD LAST TWO WEEKS!!! YOU DONT GET FAR!!!! WHEN THE SUN FORMS AND BURNS OUT IN FOURTEEN DAYS!!! ALL YOU CAN HOPE TO BE!!! IS SOMEONE ELSE'S STAR!!!! IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SKY!!!! A TRILLION MILES AWAY!!!! A GOOGLEPLEX OF YEARS DOWN THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE OUR DAY OUR LIGHT WILL GUIDE SOMEONE HOME!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAUAGAGAAGHAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAAAA

analog: this song is just kind of cute and reminds me of the general hands-on and analog technology of the hearthians. they would put a grandfather clock in a spaceship.

nullified: Okay this is because i have an animatic for it in my head. But i picture the Hatchling accidentally breaks the warp core in a loop before they make it to the Vessel. and they have to fly their ship to the Eye themself. and. augh. starts crying

first field: another Antlers song about being a tiny piece of the universe and loving the world you were born on? uhhh yes please

Curses: blaming you for this lazuli. but also it's a goodass song

Hollow Moon (Single Version): blaming you for this lazuli (echoes of the eye edition)

Don't Quit: IT JUST REMINDS ME OF THE ASH TWIN PROJECT MUSIC? TBH???????????

elsewhere: OHHH NOWHERE TO GO!!! STUCK ON THE COAST!!!! STUCK IN THE ELSEWHERE TRYING TO FIND MY WAY HOME!!!!! FUUUCK

howling at twin moons: a looping hearthian's remorse to when the life was simple and linear and the little pleasures of the world could be enjoyed without knowing how they would be burned away. Also, haha, twin moons, like when the quantum moon orbits timber hea

Remember Me: nomai. NOMAI. I WANT TO GIVE THEM A KISS. IM CRYING INTO MY PHONE

solar eclipse (live @ the garages vs desert bus): don't wanna be forgotten. don't wanna forgive. is it so bad if i just wanna live. also the live version feels like having my whole heart ripped out thx

Intimate Immensity: the universe loves you and the universe wants a kiss

.--. --- . - - . - .-. . . : don't ask me what the title of this song is because i don't know. also it just reminds me of the village

you want it darker: THE OWLKS OH BABY I FUCKING LOVE THE OWLKS. LETS GO. the lyrical genius and Hot voice of leonard cohen combined with my special interest OOOOO ywah. Oh yeah. [you want it darker / we kill the flame]

The Sea of Tranquility: sniffling and crying and wiping my eyes on my sleeve and hiccuping and sobbing and [oh, we'll be old and weary friends / god bless, let all this never end / and how we lived / and how we know / and how we laughed together / and who alone / sings how we sang / know all we knew / and all we'll ask forever / is bring us too]

Road Movie to Berlin: i love tmbg rips open my shirt to reveal a second shirt that says i also love the narrative connotations of being trapped with your buddy (#timebuds #they should kiss)

Little Bird: reminds me of the prisoner and the hatchling meeting... in that moment you communicate more effectively than you do with anyone in the wjole game...

Sickly Suite Part One: sounds like solanum 😭😭😭😭 reminds me of her. [how are you today? / are you sure / you're still okay? / it's been a long, long time / but now you're reborn / dragged out into the light]

Sickly Suite Part Two + Three: i just like i monster. leave me alone

the twelfth trip around the sun: STARTS CRYING SO LOUD. you dont understand. the emotions i feel from this song i cant explain them thru words. i know that's literally the point of this post but i just can't do it

The Voyage: another instrumental. i apply this to all of my fixations where there's a Treacherous Journey

The Sun Hasn't Left: oh my god this is literally so time buds. this song is just straight up Gabbro you dont get it. [the sun hasn't left, the sea still has depth / the rain's still wet, try not to forget / we're not so bereft, so here's a bell that still rings true: / there's still something left, there's still something left for you]

Little Motel: again... Time Buds.... sorry i want the aliens to hold each other and sway softly

Dashboard: total vibe shift. but um. the dashboard melted but we still have the radio.. if u even care

Never Ending Math Equation: THE UNIVERSE WORKS ON A MATH EQUATION THAT NEVER EVEN EVER REALLY EVEN ENDS IN THE END. OK?

Night On The Sun: me and my homie the softboiled egg hanging out on the doubly impossible binary planet system orbiting 3 inches away from the surface of the sun

The Ground Walks with Time In A Box: gabbro again... i love you gabbo

5-4-3-2-1 Lisp Off: silly song abt being an astronaut can u tell i like modest mouse.

The Whale Song: I KNOW I AM A SCOUT I SHOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY OUT SO THAT EVERYONE COULD FIND A WAY OUT. INSTEAD OF SEEING A NEIGHBOUR OUT GOD I WISH I WOULD HAVE FOUND A WAY OUT IT WAS THE LAST TIME WE WERE HAPPY EVER HAPPY.

Gravity Rides Everything, Ocean Breathes Salty, Bury Me With It, Coyotes, We Are Between, King Rat: gabbo again... i like gabbo....

The Great Fire: WHEN THE FLAMES DIE DOWN!!! EVERYTHING IS GONE!!! WILL THERE BE FIRE!! UNDER THE ASHES STILL!!!!!! FUUUUUCK I LOVE THE OWLKS!!!!!!

Our View Of The Stars: instrumental that makes my brain explode

SUN 2 + SUN 2 (live): nomai love song... take my hand when i forget that there's a reason i'm alive, dude....

When I Was Done Dying: hatchling recounting their loops at the Eye as they have become so disconnected from the fear and feeling of death they regard it as nothing more than a momentary pain

And Yet Our Love Lives On: the way the nomai bones are still cuddling in their beds... fuck

Thank You: hatchling.

Eye of the Universe: literally just a kickass fansong

Feet-like Fins: PROTO-HEARTHIANS I LOVE YOU

still here: SOLANUM!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

watching the stars, snowfall, PP1: just awesome instrumentals tbh

Dark Center of The Universe: gabbo

The Yawning Grave: MY WAY OUT THERE HYPERFIXATION. MY LORD HURON HYPERFIXATION. NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE I AM CONTAGIOUS. anyways. ruptured core/Stranger moment

Frozen Pines: i know this is crazy but hear me out. gabbro/time buds (and the ancient glade)

You Can Never Go Home: they can never go home! idk bro!

Space & Time: [i'm close enough to happy to say / i'm close enough to happy to say / that i won't throw my memories away]

Long Lost: YEEEESS. YEAHHHH!!! YES WOOO!!!!!! I AINT LONELY IM LONG LOST!!!!!

I Lied: this reminds me of ocs i made sorry

Twenty Long Years: hatchling has been alive too long and nobody even knows. does anyone even know how long they've been dying.

Sober to Death: sorry this is literally another time buds song i fucking love gabbro.

The Moon Doesn't Mind, At Sea: i just like these ones.. i love u lord huron <3

Lost In Time And Space: if i don't find her (solanum) gonna tie that noose. literally so real of the hatchling. tbh.

[ask-may-anything]

🌸💚Info About May and Other OC's!💚🌸

This is the official ask blog for any of my OC's! Including my main persona OC and other OC's I make!

Here are all the OC's open for asks right now and some facts about them! Note that the colors are how I will make them appear in RP!

Mayflower(May) + Bluebell

May is 18 while Bluebell is 7 (their ages will keep going when in the meadows)

Both are dead, but don't recall how they died or much of the memories they had before dying.

The place their souls reside is in a lovely flower meadow that is filled with a lot of the things that bring a sense of joy and peace. It includes all the things that they like.

Though May has no memory of her past life, she does remember feelings of certain things she once enjoyed (for example, before she died she was an avid magical girl enjoyer. She has a conscious feeling of the joy it brings her to see those kinds of series). Bluebell doesn't have much of these feelings since he was mainly just a bird before and their brains are different from human brains =v=

Bluebell was given the ability to talk once he entered the meadow and understand things the way humans understand them. He's a bit of a literal birdbrain at times still, but he can have extensive memory regarding people and the environment he's in.

He made it to the meadows earlier than May did (by two years at least).

As for May, she arrived in the meadows a little before she turned 18.

May does remember certain personal aspects of herself, however, such as her birthday and being autistic.

May and Bluebell can often be seen together. When May is by herself in the meadows, Bluebell is usually there to guide her. They are both there for each other since both are lonely.

Bluebell likes to perch himself on May's shoulder or rest on her head

May likes to have her solitude, but is generally friendly whenever company drops by. Especially since she hasn't gotten visitors before (nor did she know it was possible!)

She is drawn to many things that give her nostalgia such as old TV shows she watched as a kid, music she listened to often, and other things!

Speaking of music, May is VERY into music. Whether it is listening to it or playing/singing it. The instruments she plays are a violin and a kalimba. Though not a master with those instruments or singing, she still enjoys doing it nonetheless. Especially helpful with how peaceful her environment is for these tunes!

May is able to fly around just like Bluebell since her soul was given wings. She really loves to fly around the meadows.

She wasn't a master of flying at first, though. Bluebell had to teach her since she kind of failed with it a couple times. Thanks to gained experience, she has gotten better with it! :)

Bluebell is a happy bird. He sometimes has too much energy, but he is still always willing to be a guide to anyone new who enters the meadows.

He likes to play chase and other games with May :>

(That's all for now, but I might add more in the future!)

Boundaries + Rules for Asks!

No NSFW asks with any of them!

No spamming in the asks

I will make sure I answer them when I can so please don't worry if I don't see right away :)

You are allowed to give them certain conditions, but they can't remain permanent (ex. You can make May super speedy for 10 asks or something like that).

Please don't be mean outside of the rp! (If it's part of the rp for that to happen, then I won't mind)

No asks about killing May or Bluebell (their souls are supposed to reside in a peaceful place where they can't die again since they already died previously)

Communities I will be active in (if they want to rp with me!)

Smiling Critters

Magical girls + Pretty Cure

Gacha community (specifically Gacha Life 2)

My main acc: @mayflowers515 (If I'm not roleplaying when I comment, I will make sure I put myself in parentheses and keep it to black/white text! In this state, you can call me Mod Mayflower)

I hope you enjoy my company and we have fun roleplaying together! I'm looking forward to what we come up with 💚

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

SPELL OUT YOUR URL WITH SONG TITLES

Tagged by @neodarkdark (ily I inflicted this evil on myself thank you for playing along with it pfff)

This took so long HELP

I'm not tagging this time around steal it from me if you want to do it. don't be like me and pick a long url.

Runaway - AURORA

And all this time I have been lyin' Oh, lyin' in secret to myself I've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf

Exhale Inhale - AURORA

Crawl beneath the earth To feel the hunger and the thirst If you could fly and be the bird Then you would see the forest burn

Machine - CaseJackal

I read social cues like inputs. What I spit out isn't formatted to read. Your concerns are efficiency, utility, what you can get out of me.

Overboard - Poets of the Fall

Have a little more of not enough More of what is less but isn't love Little of the same you're dreaming of That's enough, that's enough

The Devil is Human - AURORA

Why did you give us hearts we don't understand Like an apple in our hand that you'll never let us have? And I hear you don't like it I don't care if you don't

ERROR - niki (English Piano Arrange by Jubyphonic)

Tell me, am I breaking down? Do you know what's broken now? Even so the tears I cry Are hurting, I'm hurting Hey tell me did my words reach you? That last song I sang in my solitude The colored words that I gave you Are gone and are blurring my eyes are burning

Standstill - Poets of the Fall

It's alright, yeah, if you fall You just get up, just go on Never mind the hurt, even if you burn 'Cause it's all gonna be so much better

Plan The Escape - Son Lux

Leave the wasting world behind us We will make it out alive Leave the waiting world behind us We will not look back this time

One More Time - The Birthday Massacre

All I have is all I own A fortune of envy All I have is all I sow A lifetime of ending

Night is Faint - Eve (English Cover by Trickle)

Giving up, I'm giving Into painful sins to Put an end to all these Days I'm drowning in My heart has bloomed and withered, Let its petals cover me and I'll be free

The Milk Carton - Madilyn Mei

I think I really miss my bed Oh when, oh when will the nightmare end? I had it good, I had it good And yet I left and can't retrace my steps

Action - Nostraightanswer

(Mercifully Instrumental)

Nightmare - Set It Off

I created a monster, a beast inside my brain With nowhere to go, I'm out on my own My mind impaired Awake me from my nightmare

Enter - The Birthday Massacre

Too innocent to speak Too curious to just stare I know I made you leave But I will follow you anywhere

October Sunset - Aviators

In spite of our guilt This is how we were built So don't scare us away from the light The darkness behind it this October sunset Won't break us We'll last through the night

Unbecoming - STARSET

You found me drifted out to sea It's automatic It's telepathic, you always knew me And you laugh as I search for a harbor As you point where your halo had been But the light in your eyes has been squandered There's no angel in you in the end

Suffocate - Nostraightanswer

I don't wanna suffocate, no more But I've already hit the ocean floor Pounding in my chest, my very core I'll become the eye of my own storm

Circus Monster - CircusP (Cover by Jubyphonic)

They want to hear me, why can not he see? I want to see you, I need to see you I have to see you, what happened to you? We get up on stage, they jump to enrage Why are you not here? Why is he so near? He wants me to sing, I just can not bring – I say, "he's not you, " what else can I do?

Odd One Out - CaseJackal

In the claws of a secret, I’m not sure who made you keep it. Although the earth may conceal it through the clouds, you reveal it.

Metal Won't Burn - Aviators

When the daylight comes for me I see what I am An alloyed extension Of invisible hands And yet I risk more than The credits I earn My soul is in ashes But metal won't burn

Babylon - Barns Courtney

Dreaming and lost alone Far from your mother's home The madness in your bones It's boiling in your blood And endless sky above These deserts that you roam

Under Your Spell - The Birthday Massacre

You're the promise that degraded every hope and dream You're the whisper at the end of every hopeless scream After all the years of turning love to empty rage All you wanted was for me to help you turn the page

Soulless Creatures - AURORA

Never knew this curious head of mine Never knew what is love if kept inside Nothing but an endless, empty heart Like laying a seed within the dark

The Sailor Song - Autoheart

Should I run a million miles away From every memory of you? Let that be a lesson to me Think not with my heart but with my head But I never really had it in me Did I, did I? No I never really had it in me Did I?

IDC, I CAN'T TAKE IT - AS IT IS

Everyone is long gone Gotta wonder where you went wrong And it's hard to take your eyes off the doomsday clock When you're patient like a pipe bomb I can't take it

One More Day - yetep, RUNN

I always tell myself Just hold on for one more day Just keep moving With every step I take I feel like losing hope But I won't give up Hold on for one more day For one more day

No Saints Around - Nostraightanswer

Constellations falling down I don't fear them now The sky is dancing to the sounds I hear, so bright and cheerful now Crystalized and out of bounds A feeling crossing over town The core of kindness can be found With no saints around

[burdenofsigynsarms]

Love Is Where All Of Us Belong

A GentleBeard Mix

Spotify and YouTube versions!

Inspired by Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach, and the music of Our Flag Means Death

31 songs, 1hr 48mins without ads

I finished this playlist last year, and decided to share it as we await season 2!

An asterisk indicates a song is from the original soundtrack. These songs form our core sound for this mix. My usual ship mixes tend to be a touch… chaotic. But I wanted this one to feel seamless with the established sound of the series. Now let’s set sail on the seas of love!

“I suppose if you found the absolutely two perfect people... then they could potentially... Co-captain?” ~ Stede Bonnet

*A Pirate’s Life – Joel Fry ‘Oh, a pirate’s life sounds just right. Sounds quite nice.’ I had to include Frenchie’s little ditty about pirating as our opener.

Lost Coastlines – Okkervil River ‘The ship's deck now sags from the weight of our tracks. As we pace beneath flags black and battered.’ I kinda stumbled across this one by accident. But it has a great ‘setting off on an adventure’ sound to it that I really like, and it goes well with our sound and lyrical imagery.

*Miles From Nowhere – Yusuf/Cat Stevens 'Cause I know when I find it, my honey. It's gonna make me feel good.’ Probably one of my favorite songs from the soundtrack. Working on this mix I have discovered I really love our boy, Cat Stevens. Expect to hear more from him in the near future.

Soul of the Sea – Heart ‘You dreamer in the sand. Just lie there laughing ‘til the fall.’ When I saw Heart had a song on the Dreamboat Annie album called Soul of the Sea I was like, “Oh, this is gonna be good.” And I was not wrong. I love the ocean sounds on the track, and the theme of casting your sorrows to the sea.

The Sundown – Ennio Morricone Since Il Triello was on the original soundtrack, we had to have some Morricone up in here. I love the calm before the storm feeling this song has.

*The Empty Boat – Caetano Veloso This one is just a vibe, and a really important song for sound in this mix. The guitar, the maracas, the uneasy feeling of the discordant instruments that builds up to that jazzy vibe. Perfection.

*Perfect Day – Lou Reed ‘You made me forget myself. I thought I was someone else. Someone good.’ This song really has that happy lyrics/sad feeling vibe that is very disconcerting to listen to. The part of the show where it plays is just SO SAD, and I think the highlighted lyric really hits how Ed’s relationship with Stede makes him feel like a better person than he thinks he is.

“This is who I am, Stede. Can you see me now? You were always gonna realize what I am." ~ Edward Teach

Trouble – Yusuf/Cat Stevens ‘I've seen your eyes. And I can see death's disguise. Hangin' on me.’ The concept of ‘death’s disguise’ and how it relates to Ed’s Blackbeard persona, and by extension the Kraken, really hit the spot for me. Plus this song just has a ‘beat up by life’ vibe that is great.

*Locomotive Breath – Jethro Tull ‘No way to slow down.’ What is it about Locomotive Breath that makes it sound like a self-destructive spiral?

Love Calls You by Your Name – Leonard Cohen ‘Your body lost in legend. The beast so very tame. But here, right here. Between the birthmark and the stain. Between the ocean and your open vein... Love calls you by your name’ The guitar work that Leonard is doing on this album is impeccable. I’m too emotionally scarred by Avalanche to include it on this mix, but I had to include something from Songs of Love and Hate on here.

Beacon Hill – Damien Jurado ‘And if you return to me, oh, if you return to me. It's all right, baby.’ This song captures the feeling of wanting someone to come home, but knowing they won’t be the same that feels very appropriate for this ship.

String Reprise/Treaty – Leonard Cohen ‘I wish there was a treaty. Between your love and mine.’ Did someone order a plate of forgiveness and reconciliation?

Pastoral II – Moondog I discovered that Moondog is primarily a composer, and the album that High on a Rocky Ledge is from is one of his few lyrical ventures. I love how soft this piece is; it gives me big Stede vibes.

“How does it feel to be in love?” “It feels... easy? It's just like breathing... I hope you find that.” “I think I have.” “Really? What's her name?” “Ed. His name is Ed.” ~ Stede and Mary Bonnet

Throw Me Now Your Arms –Damien Jurado ‘Let me be the one at day's end. Who you can depend on, hand in hand.’ I don’t think I have the words to fully express how much I love this song and how much it had to be here. The imagery in the lyrics is just so spot on.

*High on a Rocky Ledge – Moondog ‘If you've the yen to pluck, then pluck us both. For we who have lived as one wish to die as one.’ This song has such a lovely, soft, fairytale-esque vibe. Also, the lyrics about sacrificing yourself to be with the one you love turn out to be super relevant to our pairing.

Time Has Told Me – Nick Drake ‘And time will tell you. To stay by my side. To keep on trying. 'Til there's no more to hide.’ Nick Drake is another one of my happy discoveries while building this mix. His voice, and the guitar, is just so good.

*The Chain – Fleetwood Mac ‘And if you don't love me now. You will never love me again.’ The almighty. The holy of holies. The song which 80% of the fanfiction for this series draws its titles from. One of unquestionably the best sequences in show, and an all-around banger.

Wild World – Yusuf/Cat Stevens ‘If you gotta leave take good care. Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear. Then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.’ This song is SO SASSY. It reminds me of all the shit everyone gives Stede about not being realistic or prepared to be a pirate. I love the dig about ‘nice things to wear’, especially for our clothes horse Captain Bonnet.

Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen ‘I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time.’ ‘You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me. It's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea.’ I can’t begin to describe to absolute hair-pulling experience it was looking for something soft and romantic in Leonard Cohen’s discography. But Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye came through in a BIG way.

(Love Me Like Music) I’ll Be Your Song – Heart ‘Can you feel the light shine. You know this song's yours and mine.’ Sometimes when life gets hard, you gotta reconnect with that loving feeling.

Take A Chance On Me – ABBA ‘Let me tell you now. My love is strong enough to last when things are rough. It's magic.’ I don’t know if it’s the lasting impact of Mamma Mia on my psyche, but ABBA is perfect on any ship mix. Whatever the vibe is, they have you covered. And Take A Chance On Me is the perfect ‘take me back, we belong together’ song.

"There. Look at that. You wear fine things well." ~ Stede Bonnet

Gnossienne No. 5 (Arr. For Guitar) – Erik Satie, Sebastian Llinares Known in the fandom as the ‘Fine Things Motif’, this piece plays during Ed and Stede’s romantic moments together. I was VERY excited to find this guitar arrangement since it plays so nicely with the rest of the music on this mix.

Don’t Be Shy – Yusuf/Cat Stevens ‘Love is better than a song. Love is where all of us belong.’ Ah, the namesake for this playlist. This is one of my corner-stone, cannot live without songs on this playlist. It’s so soft and perfect.

This Magic Moment – Lou Reed ‘And then it happened. It took me by surprise. I knew that you felt it too. By the look in your eyes’ Is that sexual tension? In my playlist? *gasp*

“These past few weeks have been the most fun I've had in ages, years, maybe ever. So, I reckon what makes Ed happy is... you.” ~ Edward Teach

Everywhere – Fleetwood Mac ‘Something's happening. Happening to me. My friends say I'm acting peculiarly.’ ‘I want to be with you everywhere.’ The song that started us down this road. I was listening to Fleetwood Mac, trying to un-stick The Chain from my brain, when this came on and I went, “What if I made a ship mix?” And here we are.

Dreamboat Annie (Fantasy Child) – Heart ‘Little ship of dreams.’ It’s silly but this just always makes me think of the Revenge sailing off into the sunset.

Reasons For Waiting – Jethro Tull ‘Came a thousand miles. Just to catch you while you're smiling.’ You know, when Jethro Tull can chill with the flute just a little, they can make some pretty freaking beautiful music. This song has big, sexy energy to me. Making out in the afternoon sun. Just warm and tingly and lovely.

*Our Prayer – The Beach Boys I’ll let you decide what I was thinking when I put this song here…

The Air That I Breathe – The Hollies ‘If I could make a wish. I think I'd pass.’ If this isn’t soft, sweet, love-making music, then I don’t know what is honestly. It just has that post-coital bliss sound to it. Plus, if that highlighted lyric doesn’t scream pure contentment, what does?

When All Is Said and Done – ABBA ‘It's so strange when you're down and lying on the floor. How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more.’ I was so excited to discover that this was originally a fast-paced song. It’s SO MUCH BETTER than the slowed down version they have in Mamma Mia. I thought it’d be nice to come towards a close with a song about looking back on adventures with the ones we love, and looking forward to what’s to come.

Candle On The Water – Okkervil River ‘Look for me, reaching out to show. As sure as rivers flow. I'll never let you go.’ Is it one of my playlists without an end credit song? I should think not. I had to include Candle On The Water on this playlist; the lighthouse imagery played in too beautifully with Stede and the symbology around his character. And, it would seem I’m totally incapable of making a playlist without at least one Disney song, so this fulfills my quota :’D

Thank you for listening! I hope you’ve enjoyed our musical journey with Blackbeard and the Gentleman Pirate! Until next time!

[therecordconnection]

Ranting and Raving: "the BLACK seminole." by Lil Yachty

"It's like he downloaded the entire Pink Floyd discography into his mind and synthesized all of it into seven minutes. This is absolutely incredible."

That was my thought the first time I heard "the BLACK seminole.," the opener to Lil Yachty's newest album, Let's Start Here. "Lil Yachty makes psychedelic rock" is yet another surprise I can add to my growing list of "Unexpected 2023 Events."

It was the kind of song that once you hear it, you're blown away and you immediately start texting all your friends about it. I certainly did. The best way I can describe this song to people is that it's a perfect synthesis of everything Pink Floyd did in their career. It's all here. Guitars and soloing that sound like David Gilmour himself wandered into the studio. Grooves that are reminiscent of "Echoes," "Breathe," and the instrumental section of "Pigs (Three Different Ones)." Keyboard work that sounds ripped straight out of "Us and Them." An ambient section in the middle that brings to mind stuff like "A Saucerful of Secrets" and the intro to "Time." Diana Gordon's vocal runs during the second half of the song are pure "The Great Gig in the Sky." If any second of this song reminds you of something Floyd did, you aren't crazy. Yachty is very clearly a Floyd fan and he did his homework when it comes to making a track like this. It's absolutely stunning.

And yet... the more time I spent with it, the more I found the shine and the sheen had started to dull. Around my seventh or eighth listen, the flaws began to show more and more. I struggle with whether I still love this, and by extension, the rest of Let's Start Here.. I'm gonna do my best to try my struggles with this.

So, let's start here. (HA!) Musically, this song scratched just about every itch for me. With Pink Floyd being one of my favorite bands, it was easy for me to fall in love with this right from the drop. All the little moments that reminded me of Floyd songs kept me engaged and left me wondering how the hell Yachty pulled this off. But there's one problem with this song: it didn't leave me hungry for more Yachty, it just made me want to go back and re-listen to some Floyd that I hadn't gone back to in a while. "the BLACK seminole." is a great song, and it certainly did its job in terms of getting me to pay attention and listen to the rest of what Let's Start Here. offers, but I find it suffers from too much imitation. Yachty doesn't experiment or push the boundaries of psych rock, he just recreates one of the genre's most important bands. Even beyond this song, other songs on the album suffer from this too. "the ride-" sounds like a discarded Tame Impala track at points and "drive ME crazy!" has a cool disco and soul vibe to it, but in the same breath I would tell you anything by Silk Sonic or anything Kali Uchis has done herself or with Tyler, the Creator shines brighter.

When I say this song didn't leave me hungry for more Yachty, it's because I would argue he's the weakest element of this entire song. It's clear that he enjoys this music and it's clearly the music he now wants to make, but that doesn't exactly mean he's up to par when it comes to performing it. It's been a hot minute since I've encountered a song where the music absolutely outshines its performer. Yachty's stiff and heavily processed vocals end up being a detriment to him as he never really stands out. You could replace him with anybody and the song would remain the same, which is a shame because I think lyrically this song stands out and it's pretty strong and introspective, especially if you're someone who hasn't kept up with Yachty since he gained a lot of popularity back in the late 2010s.

Now, you may be wondering, "What is a Seminole? What the heck is a black Seminole for that matter?" For our purposes, all you need to know is that the Black Seminoles were a group of free blacks and runaway slaves that joined forces with the Seminole Indians in Florida from around 1700 through the 1850s. Specifically, the Black Seminoles were able to help their Native American brethren through their knowledge of the language and culture of Euro-Americans as well as their military prowess (that's what the lines "African Rambo with more ammo" and "The Black Seminole, a head general" are referencing.) If you're interested in knowing more, you can find more info here and here.

Lyrically, Yachty likens himself to the Black Seminoles and uses them as a metaphor for his own creative endeavors. The Black Seminoles escaped slavery to create their own culture, which is similar to Yachty escaping "Soundcloud Rapper" label try and create his own unique sound with psychedelic rock. Your mileage may vary on how well this works.

It's a good metaphor and it's definitely something that's out of left field for Yachty. If you're someone like him and you've been longing to be taken more seriously as an artist, writing a psychedelic rock song about an Afro-Indigenous group is a good way to go. And being taken seriously is the entire reason Yachty has taken the direction he has with this.

At a surprise listening party for the album, Alphonse Pierre's review on Pitchfork quoted a statement Yachty had made: “I really wanted to be taken seriously as an artist, not just some SoundCloud rapper or some mumble rapper.” Pierre then writes, "This is the speech rappers are obligated to give when it comes time for the drum loop to take a backseat to guitars, for the rapping to be muted in favor of singing, for the ad-libs to give it up to the background singers, and for a brigade of white producers with plaque-lined walls to be invited into the fold."

What's clear to me, is that Yachty wants what Tyler, the Creator got when he made Flower Boy, Igor, and Call Me If You Get Lost. All of them successful albums made by a guy who got big making weird, offputting, almost silly rap (early 2010s/Odd Future era) only to later transition into a more genuine and more experimental artist. Playboi Carti also ended up getting that same acclaim with Whole Lotta Red. The difference between these men and Yachty, however, is that neither Tyler nor Carti completely abandoned the sounds they had already made. Rather, Tyler and Carti were simply pushing the envelope of their previous sound into new and more experimental avenues. Neither sacrificed their identity, Yachty does and it's very obvious. Then again, Tyler and Carti have also enjoyed more respect than Yachty ever got, as Yachty was often pointed at and blamed for everything wrong with modern rap (Pierre cites guys like Pete Rock, Joe Budden, Anderson .Paak, Kendrick Lamar, and J. Cole as guys who criticized and singled him out).

Pierre nails exactly what makes me feel conflicted about what Yachty has done on this song and the rest of the album when it comes to what kind of "respect" Yachty is after:

The respect Yachty is chasing on Let’s Start Here. feels institutional. It’s for the voting committees, for the suits; for Questlove to shout him out as the future, for Ebro to invite him back on his radio show and say My bad, you’re dope. Never mind if you thought Lil Yachty was dope to start with: The goal of this album is to go beyond all expectations and rules for rappers.

Everything about "the BLACK seminole." starts to change when you begin looking at this song and the album as Yachty attempting to chase acclaim and respect he's never gotten. I can't be angry about it, because it worked. Here I am, writing a post about Lil Yachty, somebody who doesn't really interest me as an artist but found a way to make something that feels like it was tailor made for me and get my attention. It worked, but I don't think it'll work for much longer. Like I said before, the shine and the sheen had started to dull after more listens and Yachty's flaws and weaknesses began to creep in more and more.

I already spoke about how lyrically, the song's topic and focus on the Black Seminoles makes for an interesting song, but it doesn't feel like it was really a Yachty idea beyond the initial metaphor. This is to say that I think the words sound a bit disingenuous, because I don't believe Yachty penned them. The guy who is infamous for stupid bars like "All my bitches come in pairs like balls in my nutsack" or, even more infamously, "My new bitch yellow / She blow that dick like a cello." I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Yachty was confused about that because, "I fucked up. I thought Squidward played the cello. He don’t. That’s a flute. I fucked up. But it do sound good." It would... if Squidward didn't play the c l a r i n e t !

I don't want to come across too mean, especially because people grow and change and are always capable of getting better at writing, but forgive me if I find it a bit hard to believe that the lyrics to this song came from the mind of Yachty. I want to be optimistic and believe that he penned the lines, especially because if he wrote the line, "Love is not a lie, it just feels like a Tarantino movie scene," he should be damn proud of that one.

Do I still like this song? Yes. Very much. I can recommend it and I can say that the rest of Let's Start Here. might end up surprising you in some fun ways. Yachty is clearly trying to go for something different with this song and the album. I always appreciate an artist stepping out of their comfort zone and trying something new, but sadly, I think Yachty ends up missing the mark by a hair and ends up coming off as more of an imitator than an innovator. But if this is where we're starting, I can at least happily say I'm interested in where we're going. This song and this album ended up surprising me and while I'm not 100% head over heels for it, it certainly was unexpected and that's something that makes following modern music fun for me.

At the close of the spoken word piece ":(failure(:," Yachty offers this gem of wisdom that I think is worth keeping:

Oh, man, failure, that took time to understand, you know? Like, failure doesn't mean defeat, more so, like, "Try again, shit, try even harder" Revise your steps and rewrite your future Failure to me isn’t, like, always a negative thing, more so, more so, like, just a way to relook at things You know, you never know how close you are to success

"Revise your steps and rewrite your future." That's good advice for any artist. If you find something isn't working, revise your steps and rewrite your future. If Lil Yachty can do it, there's hope for all of us.

Ride on against the tide, lil boat. Let's start here and let's keep going.

[pondw]

The weight of the instrument feels like an extension of my soul, each note a step into a realm of pure expression. The charm hanging from my neck, a whimsical touch amidst the gravity of the music, reminds me of the joy that creativity brings. It is a balance of the profound and the playful, a dance of shadows and light.

As I sit here, lost in the rhythm, I am reminded of the power of art to transcend the mundane, to lift us into realms where words fall short and only the heart speaks. This photo is a testament to the quiet moments that shape us, the pauses between the beats that define our existence.

In this space, with each pluck and pull, I am both the creator and the creation, forging connections through vibrations in the air. The music flows not just from the guitar, but from the depths of my being, resonating with the silent symphonies of the universe. Here’s to the harmony within, the beauty of the unseen, and the endless journey of finding oneself in the music.

[musicarenagh]

Exploring Melodies and Memories: An Interview with Gabriel Byrd Guys we've got an amazing interview to share just for you. Now, it's the turn to get acquainted with Gabriel Byrd - he is a multi-instrumentalist, composer and producer whose phenomenal new single "Under a Mango Tree" is out now. Now he draws his ideas from some serious guitar names like Robbie Basho, Jimmy Page, and Egberto Gismonti. However that he is skillfully combining folk, classical, progressive and experimental rock styles and creates this really special sonic tapestry that no one else can ever create. The guy is really something – he played and produced every single musical instrument on the newly released song by himself. And that's not all, it was mastered by Miles Showell at the legendary Abbey Road Studios, London, UK. How cool is that? In our discussion, Gabriel shared a lot about his journey into music from those days and how he was inspired by his surroundings and challenges in this sector to the creative process behind his music. Then, we went super in-depth about his ideas, the significance behind his stage name, and the tale of why he titled his recent project "Under a Mango Tree". If you would like to see the soul of a highly competent artist who consciously follows his roots and his own thought, you should definitely listen to Gabriel Byrd. Homie is the bomb! His deep-seated love of music is simply contagious. Let's dive in! Listen to Under a Mango Tree below https://open.spotify.com/album/7ev7ixnUo8goMBpnmbsCmT Follow Gabriel Byrd on Facebook Twitter Spotify Soundcloud Bandcamp Youtube Instagram What is your stage name? Gabriel Byrd Is there a story behind your stage name? My close friends always called me Byrd for some mysterious, but no apparent reason, so I adopted it as my stage name. I like how it sounds and I believe it suits the persona well. Where do you find inspiration? Pretty much from everywhere: other artists that I admire, poetry, old films, painters, modern art, architecture, writers, and nature itself. I believe being an artist means keeping your eyes open to the world around you and then translating it with your own unique vision—that’s our contribution to posterity. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? I started learning piano at an early age, then moved to guitar, interested in learning rock and pop music. I felt special and deeply connected to it and since then never looked back. Are you from a musical or artistic family? Yes. My grandma was a pianist and teacher at the music conservatory in my hometown, and pretty much all of us in the family were somehow encouraged to pick up an instrument. Even those who didn’t follow a professional career were always very close to music. My dad was a huge music enthusiast, owning an extensive vinyl collection, which today belongs to me. He was responsible for blowing my young mind with all these incredible sounds. He introduced me to most of the things that influenced me from an early age until now, from traditional Brazilian folk music, to Rock and Roll, Jazz, and beyond. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? My own compositions, I guess... I believe in them, and I believe what I do is valid as an artistic expression. How did you learn to sing/write/play? It was a mixture of having some instrument classes at an early age, listening to loads of records, being in a band as a teenager, and later on studying and earning a university degree in music and composition. With all that background, everything I write is a product of my intuition, taste, and inspiration. What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? I don’t really remember to be honest. I think it was Milton Nascimento performing at this public concert at the square of my hometown. How would you describe your music? I believe it’s fierce, intriguing, and sophisticated, while still raw, melodic, and somehow emotional. I try to be as authentic and devoted to it as I can. It’s an extension of my own self.

[caption id="attachment_55545" align="alignnone" width="1080"] I try to be as authentic and devoted to it as I can. It’s an extension of my own self.[/caption] Describe your creative process. It really depends. Most of the time, it comes from a melodic motif, a groove, or a chord progression. Once I find something that interests me and I find somehow valid, I develop all the context around it, be it the instrumentation, structure, textures, or mood. Most of the time, I write the music first and then the lyrics later. Writing the lyrics later gives me more freedom to experiment with different themes, interesting words, and even different languages if I want to. What is your main inspiration? I think the main thing that inspires me to write something is that the idea itself means something to me and reflects my artistic mind sonically. It can be deep personal feelings, daily life experiences, fantastic storytelling, silly love songs... Sometimes the music can also be cinematic, where I try to picture some image. It can also be political in a sort of protest approach if I want to deliver a message. Again, I believe that the embryo behind each composition is the melody, mood, and aesthetics of each idea. If I find those ideas special somehow, I’m inspired to proceed with their completion, and this will dictate the effect I want to achieve with the final product. What musician do you admire most and why? That’s a very hard question; I like the ‘real ones’. I can’t pick only one, sorry. I could give you a short list, though: Nina Simone, Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, classical composers such as Bach, Motown groups, Jazz cats, and old bluesmen are some of them. The blues is everywhere in my music, even if I don’t dare to call myself a bluesman. All of them have a special place in my heart and helped forge my style. Has your style evolved since the beginning of your career? Yes, and it keeps evolving. Who do you see as your main competitor? I don’t see arts and music in terms of competition, but like everyone else, I find challenges. One of them is that I feel the music industry nowadays is very formulaic, and shaped by executives far from having any artistic sensibility or creative appeal, rarely related to the music itself. Just look at the global top charts and you’ll know what I mean. The music market – at least in terms of the mainstream - paradoxically, is directed toward celebrities rather than the music itself. Originally made for the ears, music has been currently sold mainly to the eyes; everything down the throat. This forces and misleads audiences to be more interested in - and eventually consume - an apparent fancy frame rather than the painting itself What are your interests outside of music? Literature, History, people of the Earth (native tribes and exotic cultures), Arts in general, Theology, Philosophy, Design, Architecture, fauna and flora. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? I don’t know...I like drawing. Probably, I would have invested in architecture. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? Being able to represent my ideas properly and to the right audience. As sometimes the compositions carry rich instrumentation, it is always a challenge to replicate it live and also produce it in the studio. Also, it is tricky to have the right team around me—people who share the same vision and help me manifest these ideas. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? That’s a tough one, and I don’t want to rant about the music industry and its shallow, clichéd formula approach again. If I could change one thing—and that’s utopic—well, I wish everything went back to the Analog days (tape machines and all of that). This would automatically scrap so much irrelevant garbage off the radar because the so-called artists would be forced to actually perform their own music. Nothing against the digital world, but this would drastically separate the wheat from the chaff, changing things a bit, for the better.

https://open.spotify.com/artist/2HN0DBk3W380LzrpUQFznX?si=YlqnJYKSSDClJznb1pOYgw Why did you choose this as the title of this project? In its early stages, this piece bore the working title ‘Song for Another One,’ which was rather nondescript. I vividly recall one blessed afternoon, about 10 years ago, when I played it for my dad at our ranch in Brazil, literally under a mango tree. He was deeply impressed, especially by its unique rhythm, which he described as having an intriguing ‘gallop.’ He said It reminded him of Egberto Gismonti’s sounds, the world-famous arranger and composer. My dad passed away recently, and as this is my first signed solo production—completely produced, arranged, recorded, and mixed by me—I felt it fitting to honor his memory and those precious moments. As the piece is acoustic, I believe the name enhances the vibe, evoking imagery and connecting with my tropical roots. What are your plans for the coming months? I’m working on new music that will be available soon. It’s an 8-minute song called ‘Lighthouse,’ and it blends a bit of everything: prog rock, funk, folk, psychedelic, and even a bit of country. It’s about following your inner light. Do you have any artistic collaboration plans? Not in terms of composition, but I often collaborate with other musicians in terms of recordings, arrangement, and music production. What message would you like to give to your fans? Thank you for your continuous support. If you like what I am doing, listen to the music, spread the word, and come say hello at our gigs!

[funkinblues]

Quasimoto is a side project of hip hop producer Madlib, 

(Mind 

Alterring/ Altered

Demented 

Lessons 

In 

Beats)

And animated alter ego Lord Quas from Oxnard, California.

Quasimoto, came on the scene first as a featured MC on Peanut Butter Wolf’s “Styles Crews Flows Beats” 1998. 

Peanut butter wolf is a LA based DJ and founder of Stones Throw Records. He is white. (Just a fact of interest)

Madlib had been experimenting with Quasimoto since 1996.  Initially recordings were meant for his own personal listening.

“When I recorded the album I didn’t use effects, I just spat on the tapes. 

So I went out there and done my first Quasimoto show and my voice was regular in a crazy suit” 

The attitude of Quasimoto is that, of a wild and eccentric lifestyle, told in a fictional creative world where Madlib ties in jazz, soul and hip hop instrumentals incorporating hip hop within illustrations.

Madlib put out Quasimoto’s debut solo album The Unseen  in 2000.

Lord Quas continued to build Madlib’s reputation as one of the most creative and unique creators in hip-hop.

The Further Adventures of Lord Quas (2005). 

Noticeably, Quasimoto’s flow is intrinsic to hip hop, his imagery is that of trouble. 

Lyrics as featured in basic instinct 

Yo, we got the basic instinct to keep the party live

We got y'all niggas open, hit you with the party vibe

I'm cruising like skating in Central Park

With a box portraying the menace

I got the 40 on my lap, my tape playing Boom Bap

The nigga next to me talking about, what up man, that shit not my style

Now we spark it live every day of the week

Keep a nigga from getting tweaked up inside this piece

I fall on niggas like a rain child

When we're wrecking up the scene we bring the pain loud

introduces colour to the cartoon created by Madlib and Jeff Janks.

Quasimtoo is an aardvark. Aardvarks are medium-sized, burrowing, nocturnal mammals native to Africa. They have a long snout, similar to that of a pig, which is used to sniff out food.

Quas among other things represents dirty violence, he's rapped about killing people in more cartoonish and gruesome ways and artwork to amplify a hip hop aesthetic.  Lighter than tom and jerry.

In an interview Madlib was asked if Quas can hold his own in a fight, which he said “nah he’s a wimp, that’s why he carries a brick”

In other interviews (BBC 1 Radio with Benji B) Madlib talks of Lord Quas as a separate extension of himself, like a friend “he uses a brick.” “We might get back in the studio” “he took my last girl” giving life to a picture or concept most people can relate to, escape from or aspire to be like. 

The Quas character we know today was first drawn by DJ Design (credited as Keith Beats) for Quasimoto's “Microphone Mathematics” single.

At the time, Quasimoto was literally supposed to be “unseen” – he’s the semi-invisible figure sitting in the car seat on the cover of The Unseen.

Quasimoto’s lyrics hit personally as Madlib gives the cartoon a personality as well as a voice. 

[alchiest]

In Loving Memory of Alcher John Kho

With a heart weighed down by sorrow, I reflect on my journey, a melody that has touched the lives of those I've been blessed to encounter. As a student by day and a musician by night, my love for life and musical instruments has woven a legacy that will echo through time.

Born into a family that held music and education in high esteem, I quickly embraced the language of melodies and rhythms. The violin, piano, and guitar were not just instruments to me; they were extensions of my soul. The sounds of strumming, bowing, and pressing keys were the soundtrack of my life, each note a piece of my heart dedicated to the art of music.

My academic path was marked by excellence, not only in my studies but also in my musical pursuits. I was a Renaissance person in spirit, driven by an insatiable curiosity that led me to delve into genres from classical to contemporary, each one broadening my horizon and enriching my being.

I was often seen as a beacon of positivity by my peers, my enthusiasm and energy lifting the spirits of all around me. My teachers saw in me a relentless drive for perfection and a commitment to mastering my craft. For the younger students, I was a mentor, an embodiment of the idea that passion, coupled with diligence, can move mountains.

Outside the classroom and music room, I was a loyal friend and a beloved member of my family. My kindness, empathy, and humor made me a cornerstone of my community, always there to offer support or a listening ear.

Now, as I bid farewell to this extraordinary life, I am reminded of the lasting impression I've left on the hearts of many. The melodies I've crafted will continue to resonate in the spaces I once filled, a testament to my talent and the beauty I've added to the world.

Though I am no longer present in body, my spirit endures through the music I've created, which will keep inspiring, consoling, and delighting all who hear it. In remembering me, Alcher John Kho, it's not just my achievements that are celebrated, but the profound influence I've had on those fortunate enough to have been part of my story.

Rest in peace, dear friends. My memory will forever be a melody in your hearts.

[sakiral99]

Title: Finding Harmony on the Court and in the Chords - My Passion for Basketball and Guitar

Basketball: The Dance on the Hardwood:

As a basketball enthusiast, I find myself mesmerized by the fast-paced nature of the game. The thumping of sneakers on the hardwood, the swish of the ball through the net, and the thrill of competition form an intoxicating cocktail for me. When I step onto the court, I am transported to a realm of pure focus, pushing my limits mentally and physically.

Basketball has taught me discipline, perseverance, and teamwork. It has honed my ability to make split-second decisions, all while under intense pressure. Each game represents an opportunity to master the art of communication, collaboration, and trusting others. Together, we merge our unique skills and talents to form a harmonious symphony of movement.

Guitar: Unleashing Soulful Melodies:

When I pick up my guitar, my world transforms into a serene oasis. The instrument becomes an extension of my emotions as I strum through each chord, pouring my heart into every melody. Whether it's composing my own songs or playing covers of my favorite artists, the guitar has become my sanctuary.

Playing guitar has taught me patience, discipline, and creativity. It requires hours of practice, learning intricate techniques and chord progressions. As I navigate the fretboard, I develop a deeper understanding of music theory, allowing me to create captivating harmonies and experiment with different genres. Similar to basketball, playing the guitar takes resilience and dedication, pushing me to persistently improve.

The Common Bond:

Surprisingly, I have come to realize that basketball and guitar share commonalities beyond their surface differences. Both require practice, perseverance, and passion to excel. The dedication and determination I cultivate on the court complement my journey as a musician. Basketball strengthens my fingers, improving my dexterity on the guitar, while the harmonies and rhythms of music enhance my sense of timing and coordination on the court.

Moreover, these two passions provide an escape from the stresses of everyday life. Basketball lifts my spirits, providing an outlet for physical exertion, while guitar soothes my soul and nourishes my creativity. They both allow me to express myself fully and connect with others on a deep level, transcending language and cultural barriers.

Conclusion:

Basketball and guitar are more than just hobbies for me; they are an integral part of my identity. The synchrony between the two, despite their contrasting natures, has broadened my perspective on life, teaching me invaluable lessons about discipline, teamwork, creativity, and self-expression.

Whether I am breaking ankles on the court or strumming my favorite melodies, both basketball and guitar serve as catalysts for personal growth and fulfillment. They have granted me memories, friendships, and a sense of purpose that resonate deeply within me.

So, I encourage you to find your passions, and let them guide you in unraveling the harmonies of your own life. Allow yourself to be captivated by the beauty of self-expression, and let your passions become the bridges that connect you to your truest and most authentic self.

[heavensbusiness]

Visions of the end Part 1

The following is a true and faithful account of an encounter I experienced a few weeks ago. Before I go into the details, kindly note that I do not do this for fame or approval, but for the glory and fame of our Lord and savior, the prophet, king and high priest who goes by the name of Jesus of Nazareth.

I had a vision of the end. The vision began with the appearance of a being in my room as I slept. I could feel what my body was feeling, but I could not see the face of the man who stood in my room. The being inhaled and I felt my strength leave my body, and my soul was transferred to a different time and place. While I could tell it was the future, I did not know the exact time nor did I know the exact place in which I now found myself. I was in a room that looked like an abandoned classroom, except the walls had suffered extensive damage. It appeared that the walls had been burned or bombed, because the fire damage it had suffered was extensive.

I looked beyond the wall and I saw that it was night time. Different parts of the town were on fire, and there was debris and smoke everywhere. It was a terrible sight that I never want to see again. I didn’t see many people and the town was mostly deserted. Just when all hope was lost, I heard a trumpet, but before I could see who blew the said instrument, I was taken back to my room. The being exhaled, and I could feel my strength return to me. He exited my room and I woke up in a cold sweat. I was terrified by the vivid nature of what I saw. Thus ends part 1.