#not including the woof picture but it's here in spirit

[dykephan]

i like the implication that dan was some kind of court jester while phil was just sort of sitting there. passenger princess since day 1

[spacecadet-ticklesinspace]

Tickletober Day 21: Costume

Fandom: Spy×Family

Pairing: Loid and Yor (romantic)

Summary: Anya convinces Loid and Yor to dress up for Halloween, but Yor has a bit of fun with her new outfit.

(Italics represent thoughts in the fic ❤️:))

Anya rushed into the apartment. "Papa! Papa!"

Loid set his paper aside. "Hi Anya. How was your day?"

Anya giggled at the attention from Bond. "Great! We learned about holidays!"

"Oh? Like vacations?"

"No! Holidays like Hallowsteen!"

"I think you mean Halloween, and I've heard of that one before."

Yor leaned forward. "What's Halloween?"

"It's a holiday where people dress up in costumes," Loid explained. "It used to be to confuse spirits, but now it's just for people to have fun."

"Why would they want to confuse spirits?"

"The holiday, celebrated on the 31st of October, was originally called Samhain. It's when people believed the boundary between the living and the dead would weaken. If spirits were allowed to enter our world then humans were afraid they would be hurt by them. So they wore the costumes as disguises so the spirits would think that they were one of their own and leave them be."

Yor tilted her head. "But now people just use it to dress up for fun?"

"Sometimes. People even give out candy for their costumes."

Anya waved her arms in excitement. "Can we dress up Papa?"

Loid turned to his adoptive daughter. "You want to dress up for Halloween?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes! I can be a spy!"

"It might be fun," Yor added. "We can even invite Yuri and Franky to go with us too."

"I don't know about this Yor." I think Anya might be frightened by seeing some of the costumes out there.

Anya's eyes widened as Loid's head filled with pictures of scary looking monsters and vampires. She shook her head to clear the images and puffed out her chest. "I want to dress up and get candy like all the brave kids."

"Well, if you're sure." Loid scratched his chin. "I think I know a couple places we can go if we dress up."

"But what should we dress up as?" Yor asked.

"Easy." Anya pointed to each member as she spoke. "I can be the super cool spy, Mama can be the pretty lady in trouble, Papa can be the scary bad guy, and Bond can be my awesome side kick."

"Why do I always have to be the bad guy?" Loid asked.

"Cause you don't look good in dresses."

Yor giggled at Loid's facial expression.

"Why does the one in trouble always have to be a lady?" Loid asked. "Why can't a man be in trouble and a woman rescue him?"

Anya put her hands on her hips. "Because that's not the way it is on TV."

"That doesn't sound very fair." Loid picked back up his paper. "But if it helps us get ready in time for tomorrow, then I guess it's okay."

Yor and Anya both freaked. "Tomorrow!"

"Yeah, the 31st is tomorrow."

"Oh my goodness!" Yor grabbed Anya and raced to the Master Bedroom. "We have so much to get ready for!"

Loid stared at the closed door. He then shrugged before turning back to his paper.

By the time the next day rolled around, Yor and Anya had managed to pull together three outfits out of what they had in their closets.

Anya raced out of her room after her school day dressed in an all black spy outfit with a cape and mask included. "Ha-ha! I'm the super cool spy here to save the day!"

As she spun around the room, she spotted Loid in the living room. He was dressed in a pair of black pants, a black and white striped shirt along with a long black coat and hat. To top it all off, Yor had taken the time to draw a very big sinister looking mustache on his face with some eye liner pencil.

Anya's face looked absolutely ecstatic over the appearance. "You look great Papa!"

Loid face remained completely deadpan. "Don't feel great."

Bond woofed and rushed over to Anya. He even had a little mask on that matched Anya's.

Anya wrapped her dog in a hug. "Bond!"

"Atleast two of you are happy."

"I'm ready!" Yor called out. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

Loid's eyes went wide. Yor was dressed in a poofy pink and white princess looking dress with no sleeves. Her long black hair had been done up into a curly updo with a homemade tiara to match. "You . . . look gorgeous."

Yor smiled brightly. "Thank you. You look pretty handsome too."

Loid glanced down at his own costume. "Ridiculous is more like it."

"I called Yuri to see if he could join us, but he had to work tonight."

Thank goodness. Loid thought before responding with, "I'm sorry he can't join us tonight, but I'm sure he has something important to attend to."

Yor watched Bond make a circle around the living room with Anya on his back. "Will Franky be joining us?"

"Yes but he's running late. He should be here soon."

A knock on the front door interrupted the conversation.

Loid made his way over to the door. "That should be him."

When Loid opened the door, a figure jumped inside the apartment. He was dressed in an outfit very similar to Loid's with a giant fake mustache plastered on his face. "It is I! The fearsome kidnapper Franky, and I am here to help my fellow bad guy Loid capture the beautiful princess!"

The entire room was silent as Franky's mustache slipped and started dangling on one side.

"Uncle Scruffy looks like a creep," Anya finally responded.

"What!" Franky glared at her. "Do you know how long this took me to put together!"

"15 minutes?" Loid added.

Franky hung his head. "20 actually."

"Well, now that we're all here, we can go ahead and head out for Halloween," Yor encouraged.

"Yay!" Anya cheered as she and Bond hurried put the door.

Franky followed after her, leaving behind Yor and Loid.

Loid held out his arm to Yor. "Looks like your rescue has left you behind dear princess."

Yor held up a hand to her mouth as she turned to him. "Oh my goodness. It does appear that way, doesn't it?"

"Guess I will have to keep you here in my clutches."

Yor giggled at how in character Loid was being. "Guess I'll have to defend myself?"

Loid smirked. "Oh?"

"Don't underestimate me kidnapper."

A moment later, Yor had tackled Loid onto the couch.

Loid felt his heart rate escalate as he looked up into her face. He wrapped one arm around her as she smiled down at him.

Then Yor's hands rested on his ribs.

Loid thought it was a sweet gesture. Until her fingers started wiggling up his ribs.

The blond immediately broke into laughter.

Yor giggled along with him. "Can't keep me hostage when you're giggling Mr. Bad Guy."

Loid tried to reign in his laughter so he could wiggle away. "Yohor, thihis ihis ridiculous!"

"I happen to think otherwise." Yor leaned closer as her fingers kept spidering. "I think this is adorable."

Not wanting to hurt Yor, Loid tried to find a way to get out of the position without throwing her across the room. However, the only way seemed to be using Yor's own attack against her.

Loid tightened his wrapped arms and wiggled his fingers into her sides.

Yor immediately reached back to grab his wrists.

"Looks like you can't escape as well you thought Princess," Loid replied with a grin.

"Yohou fohorgehet Bahad Guhuy." Yor grinned at him. "Ihive battleheled myhy brotheher."

Loid's laughter shot up in volume as Yor's hands dug into his sides, a weak spot he didn't even realize he had.

"Looks like I can get away Mr. Bad Guy," Yor teased.

"What are Mama and Papa doing?" Anya asked.

Both Yor and Loid bolted up to see Anya, Bond, and Franky peeking through the open door.

"Apparently flirting when they think no one's around," Franky shot back as his mustache fell completely off.

Yor and Loid jumped up off of the couch with matching blushes.

Thanks for throwing us under the bus. Loid thought before beginning. "Uh . . . We were just---."

Anya pointed at him. "Papa's being the bad guy."

"Yes Anya," Yor jumped in as she fixed her crown. "That's exactly what happened." Thank goodness Anya wasn't paying too close attention.

Anya grabbed Yor's arm. "Come on Princess Mama! We need to run away from the bad guys!"

"Yes!" Yor took off with her. "We must!"

Franky turned to Loid. "Thought you weren't supposed to get attached during missions?"

"We're not." Loid straightened his shirt as they walked toward the door.

"You know how this will end if you keep going," Franky patted his arm as he passed Loid. "Maybe you could call headquarters about---."

Loid froze in the hallway. "No."

"As your business partner and friend . . . I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I won't get hurt. I let myself go too far today." The blonde brushed past his friend. "But I won't let it happen again."

Franky watched Loid walk away and thought to himself, I think you will.

[elstreem]

Sparkling Spray

A short story I wrote back during the Grail Live! event, of what it was like to attend a show of the Knights of the Round Table, on ice - for a Master that was dating Bedivere. Something cute and light to accompany this illustration I made here. Length: 3331 words, I am...unable to write anything shorter, even for fluff :')

Written with Bedivere and Fujimaru already a couple in mind when the event occurred. Gdocs version here.

Sparkling Spray

Fujimaru Ritsuka thought he had done just about everything as a Master of Chaldea - had once saved a realm for magical girls, sorted out a Halloween festival including too many buildings stacked together, been a camper in a summer crowded by horrors straight out of the movie screen…to name a few, and that was not even including vanquishing Humanity's enemies, the Beasts.

But apparently there were still new experiences to be had, and now here he was, producer of Chaldea Productions…the manager of an idol group. An idol group that happened to consist of a sweets-loving, guitar-strumming blonde who is King Arthur (from space!!!), a rose-haired queen with honeyed words and a love for domination, and a cat. 

The cat who was actually a fox and and -

Yeah, there was no point thinking too hard about it, so Fujimaru simply rolled along with it, arranging rehearsals, performances and marketing. Sure. Why not?

So today, as the Master/Producer, nicknamed as MasP, he was checking out the concerts going on in the area and finding out if there was one where they could battle for further promotion of AxXxS. He sorted through the endless amounts of flyers featuring both Servants at Chaldea and stray monsters and spirits that were now putting on shows, singing, performing, dancing -

"B-bwaahh!?"

Mash came over in concern, hearing Fujimaru's exclamation of surprise.

"Senpai? Something the matter?" Mash asked.

"Uh -" Fujimaru looked up at Mash, tried to speak, couldn't, and simply held out the flyer that caused him to splutter. A flyer which was graced by the all too familiar image of a certain group of knights -

"The Round Table on Ice…?" Mash read.

"Oh, yes, I think I heard about that…they perform dance routines while skating," Mash went on, nodding.

Fujimaru took a deep breath, having calmed down a little. It was true, this wasn't the most shocking thing in an already improbable Singularity running on idol culture.

"Huh, so they also have a group here? How sneaky, I don't think Bedi told me they were doing this…" Fujimaru said.

"Would you like to see them, Senpai?" Mash asked, seeing the way Fujimaru was wistfully looking over a silver-haired knight's picture on the flyer.

"Oh, uh - some time, I guess. We still have things to do, after all," Fujimaru said with a sheepish look, knowing he'd been caught.

Mash stifled a giggle, and Fujimaru blushed.

"We could always come by and have a concert battle with them to raise AxXxS's Idol⭐Glo. And I'm sure Sir Bedivere would love to see you - we can cheer him on, Senpai!" Mash said enthusiastically.

"Sheesh, Mash, you're excited for this…" Fujimaru mumbled, still flushing.

Mash gave a short laugh on seeing the expression on Fujimaru's face. 

"Oh, is something the matter?" Medb came striding over, already smirking as she saw Fujimaru's flustered state and Mash's clear amusement.

"N-Nothing's the matter -" Fujimaru said, but it was useless as Medb's sharp eyes saw the flyer on the table.

"A-ha, is our very own MasP checking out groups  other than the one he's managing? How greedy," Medb said, picking up the flyer.

"Ooooor…is he checking out one star in particular?" Medb said, waving the flyer.

"Gah…" Fujimaru groaned, putting his head in his hands as Ex and Tamamo Cat peered at the flyer.

"The Round Table on Ice…sounds like a terrible dinner experience if you ask me, woof!" Tamamo Cat said.

"I don't think it's an actual table, Cat. But…Round Table, huh," Ex frowned in thought.

"Oh ah, are you…familiar with them, Ex?" Fujimaru asked, raising his head again.

Ex glanced to the side, thinking it over. "…maybe. Um. No, I think these ones are also Chaldean Servants…" she said.

"Yep, they're the same case as us. But I guess they're not all that big as an idol group, since they never got an invitation to the Grail Concert," Medb said.

Fujimaru looked at the flyer - true, this group wasn't included among the contenders for the Grail Concert. 

"That's too bad. I would have liked to see them…but uh, here, let me see what other concert battles we can go to -" Fujimaru went back to the pile, pushing the matter out of his mind.

Medb and Mash shared a knowing look, and Mash gave a tiny nod.

"Oh, MasP~" Medb said with a honey-sweet smile.

The Celtic queen put her hands on Fujimaru's shoulders, and he squeaked in surprise.

"We're all in this to fight for something we truly, truly want, don't we? That goes for you, too~" Medb said.

"The Grail takes priority -" Fujimaru tried to argue, but he didn't sound all that decisive.

"Hmm. Even if they're not as big as an idol group, knights are still knights…a concert battle with them should be a worthwhile experience!" Ex declared.

"See? Even Ex agrees. Come on, Senpai," Mash said. Tamamao Cat pulled at Fujimaru's hands, cheerfully ignoring all of his protests.

"It's decided then! Time to crush some braves," Medb laughed.

"Oh? Are we going out?" Miss Crane emerged from the next room.

"We're going for a concert battle," Fujimaru said in a defeated tone.

"Ooh, which one?" Miss Crane asked.

"The…the Round Table on Ice…" Fujimaru muttered.

"Omiigooosh! Yes, certainly, let's go!" Miss Crane said. 

Mash giggled as Fujimaru threw up his hands in surrender, and with much teasing and laughter, the happy members of Chaldea Productions swept Fujimaru away to an impromptu date - er, concert battle.

~~~~

The venue for the show was cold, what with the ice rink and even artificial snow raining from the ceiling, big sparkling snowflakes catching the light in hypnotic colours. But shivers were running through Fujimaru's body for another reason. Speechless in anticipation, clutching the flyer in one hand, he stepped forward to see the stage as the announcement boomed, "And now, give a round of applause for our stars…The Knights of the Round Table, On Ice!"

Bright lights struck the rink, casting pools of colour that reflected on the face of the cheering audience -

Fujimaru gasped, fingers flying to his mouth, as four figures skated in, sending up a sparkling spray of frost -

In the lead was the towering knight Gawain, at home on the ice just as he was in the sun, and despite his hulking figure he moved gracefully, swinging in front of the audience with a smile for the crowd, sending ladies and lads alike swooning.

Behind him was Lancelot, gleaming brightly as Arondight infused with the power of the lake, and speaking of, his skating was just as marvellous a sight as his swordplay…

…though for a few moments there was a momentary stumble as Lancelot met Mash's eyes. He recovered quickly enough, following Gawain, though he still had a slightly sheepish expression on his face.

Not that Fujimaru cared to notice at that point, gasping again as the light turned silver, and with it was a sight that swept away all the chill in his bones, replacing it with a glorious warmth and radiance instead -

His beloved knight of the silver hand, Bedivere…

He was attired in his usual colours, white and green, but this time he was wearing an elaborately decorated suit, the sleeves bearing ruffles. A white lily was even pinned to his chest and framed with feathers, though parts of the outfit - the dark-coloured ribbon, the tails - were reminiscent of his armour.

Fujimaru felt his heart thud against his ribs as Bedivere swept in front of him -

For a few light-filled moments, their eyes met, and at once smiles bloomed on their faces. And then Bedivere turned away, with Fujimaru grinning widely as he looked after him.

"Bedi!" Fujimaru cheered, raising a hand and madly waving after him. Bedivere turned around to see him and waved a hand in turn, causing the crowd to roar, but Fujimaru knew that gesture, that smile, was meant for him.

All his attention and focus was on Bedivere, so Fujimaru barely noticed Tristan's entrance as he skated in. Mash, however, could have sworn she heard a soft snore as Tristan passed by. Was he…sleeping?

The four Knights of the Round Table lined up and struck a pose, arms raised, dazzling smiles aimed at the crowd, and completely forgetting being a producer, Fujimaru cheered and clapped as hard as the rest of the audience.

Mash smiled, glad to see Fujimaru enjoying himself, and she noticed Bedivere was certainly more perked up as well. Deciding to take over for the moment, the Demi-Servant quietly made her way back to where AxXxS was waiting. 

She found Ex coolly standing by, Cat fluffing her tail, and Medb with a hand to her chin, a devious light in her eyes as she watched the performance. Miss Crane was, as usual, gushing and blubbering over the idol performance and drooling over the special outfits. 

"Oh, Mash, there you are. Where is MasP?" Ex asked, holding her guitar close.

"Um, occupied. And I see Miss Crane is also…" Mash said, glancing over at the Heroic Spirit…

…just as the Knights executed a daring manoeuvre, and poor Miss Crane fell over, nearly bubbling at the mouth.

"My, my. Well, I guess you're taking over, hm, Mash?" Medb said with a knowing smile.

"I suppose I have to. Sorry about Senpai, I did anticipate this would happen," Mash said with a laugh.

"Ah?" Ex's hair stood a little straighter as she tilted her head to one side in a question.

"Oh, Ex, didn't you notice with all our teasing?" Medb said, surprised. Then she laughed, "Our dear MasP is quite head over heels for the silver-haired brave, over there."

"Like a cat for catnip, meow!" Tamamo Cat added, shaking her tail.

"Indeed…mm, well, he is a good-looking one, that brave, but not wild enough for my liking. And it infuriates me that he's got no appreciation for my beauty at all!" Medb sighed, putting her hands on her hips.

"Normally I would like to take a brave like that for a ride in my chariot and show him what a lovely time this queen can give him…hm, but Master is like that, too, so I suppose they're perfect for each other, all things considered," Medb said with a shrug.

"Yep, yep, Master and the silver guy are already devoted to each other, meow! Like two rats with their tails in a bunch…hmm, no, that's not so cute. They go together like…butter and toast, more like? Or like…sardines and peppers?" Tamamo Cat said.

Mash giggled, "Something like that."

"Ah, I see," Ex smiled. Then she frowned in thought.

"Wait, is it okay for our producer to be dating an idol?" Ex mused.

"Ah, well…maybe not, but this is just a Singularity, so…" Mash put a hand to the side of her head in thought.

"Eh, it'll be fine, it's not as if either of them are underaged," Medb said with a shrug. As they were talking, Miss Crane got up from the floor and stood by their side, wobbling a little, her hat askew from her fall.

"Er…pardon me, my dears. Did I miss anything?" Miss Crane asked.

"Oh, we were just discussing if it's alright if Senpai is going out with Sir Bedivere, with this idol setting and all," Mash explained.

"Oh! Hmm…wait, they're going out!?" Miss Crane clutched her staff close, eyes wide.

"Oh, right, you haven't been to Chaldea…I mean, our organisation, Chaldea, not Chaldea Productions. But um, yes, Miss Crane, Senpai and Sir Bedivere are a couple," Mash explained.

"Guuhhhh! Oooh, ooh…calm yourself, Crane…ahhh! They ARE SO CUTE! They sure look good together!! Oh my gosh, so that's why MasP is looking so lovingly at the Knight of the Silver Hand!!! So…CUTE!!!" Miss Crane squealed.

"Oooh, what if I make him a nice matching suit…oooh, hehehe…that would be a nice change of pace…" Miss Crane continued in a rather delirious sounding tone of voice.

"Ha, I suppose this means you don't disapprove?" Medb said with a shake of her head.

"Not at all!!! Mm, yes, I don't think it's a bad thing at all, even with the idol culture we're living in at the moment," Miss Crane said.

"They sure look fond of each other, mm?" she continued - just as Bedivere performed in front of Fujimaru, extending a hand. Fujimaru raised his hand, briefly touching fingertips with Bedivere, and the gesture bowled over Miss Crane once more.

Ignoring the dazed Heroic Spirit twitching on the floor, the Chaldea Productions group continued talking.

"True, true. Mutual respect and affection is an amazing foundation for a relationship! Not that I can pursue one, meow, this cat's idol career can't have a relationship while we're aiming for the Grail," Tamamo Cat said, nodding.

"Speaking of which, are you all set for a concert battle?" Mash asked.

"Yep, we're ready," Ex said.

"Alright, let's go ahead then! Mm, that silver-haired one is off-limits, but those other braves…oooh, I'd love to break them under my heel!" Medb declared 

"Knights, huh…I won't go easy on them, for sure!" Ex said, suddenly looking serious.

"Woof, woof! Make way!" Tamamo Cat skated ahead, causing the crowd to part -

As AxXxS made their way towards the stage, the Knights continued to dance. Being tall, however, Gawain immediately noted the change in the crowd and paused, just as Medb strutted up to the stage, hips swaying.

"Oho?" Gawain signalled to the other Knights, and Lancelot stood next to him.

"Mm, I do love seeing some braves show off…none of you are as cute as my Cu, but show this queen a good time, won't you?" Medb said, flashing a smile at the Knights. 

"Is this a challenge, then?" Gawain asked, though Mash could tell his defence was ever so slightly lowered by Medb's charm.

"If so, we won't hold back," Lancelot said, giving an appreciative look at Medb…and immediately feeling a cold shiver as Mash glared at him.

"Indeed…fight as hard as you can, Knights of the Round Table. But know that you stand against our might," Ex said. 

"Ah?" Bedivere, who had been standing in front of Fujimaru glanced over, recognizing Ex as yet another version of King Arthur.

Bedivere glanced back at Fujimaru with a raised eyebrow, and Fujimaru mouthed back, "It's a long story."

Bedivere nodded back in understanding - he had once tried to ask both Fujimaru and Mash about Mysterious Heroine X…but there really was no explanation for it other than that. Bedivere could tell this Ex was the same case.

Fujimaru made some gestures to Bedivere, pointing to himself and then at AxXxS with an apologetic look on his face, and Bedivere nodded, getting a rough idea of what was going on.

Fujimaru gave a small wave in farewell before rejoining his own group, just as Tamamo Cat sprang forward, holding up an empty platter.

"Time to serve up another victory for AxXxS! Let me hear you, woof!" Tamamo Cat rallied the crowd, and those who were fans began to cheer for them.

"Senpai! Are you ready?" Mash asked, as Fujimaru reached her side.

"Yep! Let's do this concert battle," Fujimaru said, raising his hand.

"Mm, try not to be distracted, MasP! Here we go!" Medb said, as she, Ex and Tamamo Cat went up on the stage.

"Here we go!" Gawain, Lancelot and Bedivere also went into formation…Tristan lagged behind, and Fujimaru finally noticed something.

"Wait, is Tristan asleep?" Fujimaru said in disbelief. Ex was already performing, voice raised, guitar playing, the crowd was yelling itself hoarse, and the Knights' own music was still playing. But Tristan was blissfully asleep even as he skated on the offensive.

"Seems so, Senpai! But let's not lower our guard!" Mash said. 

"…right!" Fujimaru put the matter out of mind, it wasn't the first time Tristan had fallen asleep while doing something.

~~~~

"AxXxS! AxXxS! AxXxS!!!" the crowd cheered, deciding the winner of the concert battle.

"A well-fought duel, o King who sings! Your passion speaks for itself," Gawain said in admiration.

"Indeed…though we expected nothing less," Lancelot said, wiping his forehead with the back of one hand.

"A round of applause for the victors, Chaldea Productions and AxXxS!" Bedivere bid the crowd with a raised hand, and he was answered with cheers.

"Mmm, not half-bad either, braves. Show me your… swordplay, another time," Medb said with a smirk, crossing her arms. 

"He he…" Gawain and Lancelot coughed. Bedivere fought the urge to kick their ankles, instead turning to Mash and Fujimaru.

"Though we face the loss in this concert battle, it doesn't feel like so, having faced such wonderful opponents. As a sign of gratitude for attending our show and raising this crowd…perhaps, we may share one more dance?" Bedivere asked, extending a hand towards Fujimaru. 

"Ah -!" Fujimaru blushed, only to feel a push on his back.

"Yes, what a wonderful idea, Sir Bedivere! If you would so kindly let our amazing MasP join you too!" Mash said loudly.

"Ha ha, a good idea, Sir Bedivere! And yes, join us, MasP," Gawain said with a chuckle.

"Please?" Bedivere asked, looking oh so gentle and soft.

Miss Crane screamed and fell in a heap of furs, feathers and witch hat on the floor. Honestly, Fujimaru felt like doing the same, his stomach had definitely dropped into another dimension, but though his heart pounded almost painfully in his chest, even as his fingers trembled…

…he reached for Bedivere's hand.

The ice on the rink dissipated, as well as the blades on the shoes of the Knights, and Fujimaru stepped up onto the stage, feeling very warm though the air remained chill.

Fujimaru had a vague idea that the other Knights and AxXxS were also dancing - Lancelot taking steps with Ex, Gawain twirling Medb, Tamamo Cat nearly bowling Tristan over -

- but all that faded away as Bedivere took his hand, placing another hand on his back, and Fujimaru placed a hand on his shoulder, and they swayed together, existing in a place only for them, all sounds muted and distant, though music played, though the crowd cheered and clapped, it was all faraway, like the murmur of the sea.

"Bedivere -" Fujimaru said, looking up at his knight's face, but he was unable to speak further, dazzled by the smile on Bedivere's lips. It was such a soft, sweet expression, that Fujimaru couldn't speak.

"Thank you for coming, Ritsuka," Bedivere said softly.

"No, no…I…this was actually Mash and Medb's idea…" Fujimaru murmured, blushing.

"Is that so? I shall have to thank them, then," Bedivere said. Quickly, gently, he ducked forward to kiss Fujimaru's cheek.

"I so wanted to see you, and here you are," Bedivere said, so happy that Fujimaru couldn't help but grin.

"I - I wanted to see you, too. You were amazing!" Fujimaru laughed.

"Truly?" Bedivere asked, and Fujimaru nodded.

He paused to throw his arms around Bedivere's neck and reached up to bump his nose to Bedivere's.

"Best show of my life. Thank you for dancing…for me," Fujimaru said.

Bedivere hugged him back, the two of them smiling brightly, not at all caring of where they were, in plain view of an audience and fellow bandmates.

Speaking of which, Miss Crane was squeeing into her hands, Mash was grinning, and Medb snickered. Gawain, Lancelot and even Ex gave quiet chuckles at seeing Bedivere, their most reserved and formal knight, being so openly affectionate to one he truly loved. But none of it was in mockery, they all felt happy to see the two lovers enjoying themselves.

(Tristan however, was skating frantically to avoid Tamamo Cat as she chased after him, cheerfully thinking a cat like her couldn't pass up the chance to catch such a fine bird.)

—-----

And so, in the unreal city of hopes and aspirations, was one such shining moment. Of dancing and dreaming, hearts beating, as Master and Servant, lovers together, Sir Bedivere and Fujimaru Ritsuka shared a kiss. Later on, there would be much blushing, a little embarrassment, some teasing from friends that were there…but there would be no regrets.

[hotcupoteckla]

So, a couple weeks back there were a Profoundly Confounding Trio of days where I was sent to a work training held in a... church. Pretty sure my boss sent me there to "go find Jesus" as a joke. All of my other options for leadership training were denied though, so how can I tell if it is a joke or not? :/

The Global Leadership Summit.

I am not religious.

I believe we live with & within pieces of a Creator's corpse and our existence is a piece of that being reassembling itself into the state of Entropy that exists. Kind of like that Broken Egg spilling into the solar system picture post from a while back.

To that end, the Creator is NOT Abrahim's God.

There can be god-like beings and spirits possible within such a universe, but just because they exist due to the uneven nature of distributions of matter in an explosion, doesn't mean they need to be worshiped or even valued.

I don't "worship" the Creator, either. I just acknowledge we're here, with the abilities we're given and try to make the best of it. You can wish and pray to a star or a different being, but aside from aspiring to the skies, there's nothing /out there/ that is going to make it happen.

Just you.

Action is the best form of "prayer", and even if you try your best, you might still fail, and that's okay. It happens. Assess what went wrong. Try again. Or don't. It's all up to you and your support group.

Which makes those people lecturing on how God influences us to become leaders at the very least people who praise a Liar to me.

Begging for donations to themselves despite having significant wealthy backing, demanding tithes to each person's own church, saying they're saving people, never explaining how, barring one video from the Ukraine about how to help setup a free grocery store for refugees. A shop held within a church. Open on Sundays. :/

There were great words on leadership, loneliness and trust. But... stuff I've heard before. They repeated a lot of stuff in and amongst themselves, too. I felt bad for one of the speakers, as the pastor who kicked off the event clearly took from this speaker's main topic/focus wholesale after having read this speaker's book. And wrote it simpler and with more impact, woof. Speaker even said so during said speech. Repeatedly. Woof.

New phrases to think of old problems? Maybe. I did buy some books from some of the speakers there. Beginner's Pluck looks & seems promising after the introductory chapters.

My key intended takeaways from the event:

Push yourself to your maximum capacity & capability, when and where possible to improve your ability to lead.

Truth without grace, and grace without truth are both Cruelties.

Lift people up, lead them through service.

Value everyone on your team, including the positions you otherwise feel are "lowly".

You are what you do consistently, not occasionally.

Is your Leadership interesting, or interested in those your leading?

Again, all of these thoughts are things I already know, & try to practice as best as I can - did I need to go there for those messages, again with no active practice during the event? No.

There was also a weird moment, where I went from being stared at to being complimented by staff three times in a row that was both pleasant at the time and in reflection, unsettling (It was within a singular walk back to my seat and in less than 5 minutes). I had 6 compliments overall on my choice of hair color and dress at this event for the two days it took place in. Again, half of them occurred within 5 minutes of each other. It felt spooky when I thought about it on the drive back home.

It was not the only "brainwashing" feeling I got there. There were lots of emotional statements, coordinated video & audio calls to convince you to donate money to their organization. Like an empty microphone being focused on for more than 2 minutes to sell home they have No Opportunities Available (read: Headquarters) in Laos, Niger, Malaysia, Kazikstan, Japan - I stopped reading the list of countries here to think - Why wouldn't they be in Japan? Oh, yeah, Cult, gotcha. I hear Scientology also has a really hard time getting a grip in that area.

I also understand everyone wants to get into AI, but Why would you bring that into this leadership event to demonstrate how it works to everyone there if not to get them to use it? Why wouldn't you include it on the program if you're going to be dedicating 2 whole speech sections to selling this concept so hard? Why would you want them to use it? Who Are You People?!

I tried to vibe and stand out, and while that may have happened, I felt awkward the entire time there - not welcome. It was not helped that my coworker came with me. She's a deeply caring and apparently Christian person, but is not pleasant - she believes in tough love, and while not completely conservative, has strong ties to conservative values, mainly avoiding introspection.

She yelled at me in the car with no lead-in to get a toll ticketer put onto her dashboard as she was driving, and I dropped my water bottle, instead of magically remaining calm. She then called me a spaz. It was the worst part of the trip.

The best part of the trip (aside from the food) was meeting the DMC. The DeLorean Motor Club. We happened to have a hotel room in their chosen convention center. I'm not sure how that coincidence occurred, but I definitely lucked out.

Literally, we would hear these advocating Business Christians talk for 8 hours and then leave the event to go back to our hotel room and see people Actively Trying to Make a Difference and taking the Lead; putting into practice what lessons were preached at us for the day.

Most of the DMC members have some means, sure, but they dedicate time, money, and effort to craft something of joy for a great number of people and often use that creation or effort to raise money for the Michael J. Fox foundation. They advocate preserving history, the engineering and continue innovation to maintain these vehicles of increasing rarity.

They opened their car doors, event, and their hearts to share with people who want to learn about the car, the history, to geek out with their peers in the engineering field or to humble brag how they've modified a part that they're now exclusively able to make from materials close to the original. I got to help during an obstacle course, made some delightful new friends, and learned about the foundation, and the car, and the extraordinary efforts each of these people make in their regular lives to help complete the impossible.

It just strikes me as an odd combination: to see the religious leaning business leaders preach, and science led engineers, mechanics and other geeks practice what it means to lead.

I know who I'd prefer to visit next year.

[dnarez]

Chapter 2 - Moving out

((

The pictures I was going to use aren’t mine, so I think it’s better 4 me to just share the Wattpad link where you can see the story with the pics

https://www.wattpad.com/925296862-hawks%27s-sister-chapter-2-moving-out

))

I get inside my new home... it's very basic and simple, just a bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom and the living room, nothing to fancy but it's enough for the 3 of us.

I look at all the boxes in the living room's floor and sigh.

"Come on Haru, Void! Let me get you some water, after I finish unpacking we will go out to eat, who would like some chicken?"

Haru barks and runs inside, Void follows behind. I close the door, lock it and put a bow with water on the floor and the other on top of a tall box.

-

'It's hard to accept that they would put me out like this... at least they had some heart to get me a place to stay, and it's just a few blocks from UA, I still can't believe that I did it! I'm so happy! But so nervous... but I still did it!' I fist bump the air, then start getting the boxes that have "bedroom" in them in their place.

'I'm glad I passed the entrance, sadly I couldn't try for the hero course... they even had locked me up that day to make sure that I wouldn't even try' I start unpacking my things. 'If they see me in the hero course they will stop paying the bills of this apartment and I can't go make my dreams true while homeless and hungry... I'm so glad they gave me some kind of allowance'

After finishing getting the desk, bed and shelf set I start organizing everything. 'I heard a rumor that when you are in the U.A you get a few chances of getting in the hero course, I hope they are true, I will have to get the hard way around, but that's fine! I still have to learn how to fly and stuff, actually... I don't think I would pass even with my wings in the hero course exam... I can do so little with my wings...'

'But it's okay! Because I will go and be Plus Ultra!' I finish my room living it simple 'Maybe if I don't spend too much money, in a few months I could get this please a little better... but for now it's perfect'.

I go back to the living room and get the bathroom boxes to go unpack my things, but stop to take a better look at Haru and see her chewing something.

"Haru... what are you eating?" I approach her after putting down the boxes, but she starts to chew faster "HEY GIVE ME THAT!" I go to get her, but she is faster than me, so I had cornered her in the kitchen and immobilize her "Spit it out!" I open her mouth trying not to hurt her the best I can "SPIT IT OUT" I put my hand in her mouth and search for the thing "SPIT. IT. OUT." I finally get it and release her "Damn girl! You almost gave me a heart attack!" I look at the thing and see it's the cap of my shampoo "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THIS? The box was closed I'm sure..." I sigh and go wash the cap then go to the bathroom getting the boxes off the floor and taking it with me.

"Should I call then to tell that I got here safe?..."

'You are no daughter of mine'

'I wish I never had any of  you!'

"Maybe not... both of us hm..." I finish setting the bathroom. "That's better!" I smile at the result.

"Now I'm starting to feel more at home!" I go check on my pets and see they both in my bed, Haru by the feet and Void in my pillow "what time is it?" I look at the clock and see that is 16h(4pm) I started at 10h(10am) "Wow time pass fast when we are having fun! But not really... I'm starting to get tired... maybe I should take a break and- no! I can't! There is just the living room and the kitchen and I will have finished! Hmmmm... I deserve some good chicken tonight!"

I kiss the top of their heads "sweet dreams cuties!" I go to the living room and get everything ready to start the kitchen. "Hands to work people! And by people I mean me, myself and I" I get everything ready by 17h40(5h40) "Uuuuh! Pretty!"

"Damn! I'm such a sloth! I- need to... take a break!" I say between breaths while i go to sit in the bed to relax a little. "I really need to train hu?" I Sigh

"... is it normal to miss who doesn't love you?" The house was silent, I look at the window and see that it was starting to get dark "I will let my thoughts get to me later now I have shit to do" I get up and go unpack everything that was left.

...........timeskip

"FINALLY DONE! AAAAAAAH!" I trow myself at the couch and stay laying there for a few minutes.

'It's dark but there is a kfc near here so it won't too take long'

"Void! Haru! I'm going out! Do any of you want to come with me?" Void comes flying and sits at the top of my h/c hair "Okay big guy! We will have to come back so let's not get ourselves lost ok?" I get my jacket and put on some pants while at it 'these always hide them better'

"CAW!"

"That's the spirit! Sorry Haru, but only one at time" I pet her head and kiss it "You can sleep with me today because of that!"

"WOOF!"

"Hehehe bye! We will be back soon"

I grab my keys while I go I put the hood, then getting down the stairs.

'I like living in the 5th floor, I can have some nice view and am not so dependable of the elevator, that's good!' I get out of the apartment complex and go down to the right 'I remember passing by a kfc before getting home so it must be near'

Void goes to my shoulder and hide inside my hood behind my neck.

"Hey! Don't go-" I look around to see people looking at me with a weird look since I was almost screaming with no one, 'I feel so embarrassed, I can't go running back home because I'm hungry! And I can't go running in this neighborhood that I know nothing of' I sigh and keep walking straight ignoring the looks they are giving me.

'Wait... did I get my wallet?' I check my pockets "fuck!... Void... honey" I stop next to the wall out of people's way and cover my mouth with my hand, his head poke out of his hiding spot that is between my neck and my hair "I need you to go back and grab my wallet... please Void, I promise that you will get some tasty popcorn tomorrow, ok?" He nods and goes back home sigh.... I'm happy that it was hot today, or I wouldn't have let the window of the living room open' I wait a bit more until he came back with the wallet in his beak. "Yes! My sweet raven! My dark crow! My knight wing!" He drops it in my hands and goes back to hide behind my neck inside my hood.

"Thank you Void!" I whisper to him and go back to walk to the kfc to get my tasty chicken.

I walk in and drop my hood.

'I'm lucky that this place is 10min walking from home, but I will need to get groceries tomorrow while coming back from school... what class I was in? I think it was... 1-E General Studies, I have to use a skirt, so I will be missing some feathers... I already have my school uniform and my school material, since I already have the uniform I don't think they will let me change it' I sigh and go to the line to get my food.

I feel Void moving and turn my head to see his beak poking out of my h/c hair. "Void! If someone sees you I will get in trouble! Go back in!" I whisper while making him hide himself again and when I see is my turn to order, I make my order, pay and go sit in the farthest corner away from others eyes and take Void out. "You bird brain! I thought that crows were supposed to be smart!" He turns his back to me "don't you dare ignore me! I could get in trouble Void! If mom and dad get a call from the police for any reason I can say bye bye to my hero course dream... and would say bye bye to me you little-"

"Number 69?"

"Nice! Our order is ready!" I get up and go get it I see that Void still is in the table, I whistle, and he flies to me landing in my shoulder, I look at the lady in the counter, she is eyeing Void.

"Sorry form bringing him in, but he doesn't like being alone" I scratch his head and get my order to go "Have a nice night"

"Y-you too..." the lady goes back to work and I go out and start going home "I need a place to train... I can't even fly, so I will need to get everything right... how the hell will I ever-" I looked up to take a breath and saw him.... Hawks! I see doing inside the kfc that I just got out of "omg... what do I do? Hmmmmm..." I stare at the kfc door for a few minutes and am surprised that Hawks came out with a bow of wings already made, hot n steamy.

He turns his back to me and goes on to walk his merry way, but before he can get another step away from me my body acts on his on. "Pro hero Hawks wait, please!" He stops and turn around to face me 'damn he got all the good traits from mom and dad'...

"Hi! Need something?" He smiles down at me

"Could you tell me if you know any good place to train my quirk? I know that it's illegal to use it without the license but I need to train to become a hero!". He looks at me with a sweet smile

"Sure little bird, what's your quirk?" He faces me completely

"It's-..."

'Damn it... I don't think I should tell him and let him get suspicious of me... but I really need help with this so fuck it'

"It's just like yours but my wings can change colors"

He looks in my eyes, then look at my back and chuckles "Sorry but I don't see wings on your back little bird"

"Oh! I tuck them in!" He turns serious at that.

"Wait, what? You hide your wings? Why?"

"Hmmmm... mom and dad don't like them, so they tell me to hide them" this isn't a lie, but it also isn't the full truth.

"Can you fly at least?"

I shake my head. "I never tried before... and I am scared... really scared" I look at the ground in shame

"Hey is normal to be scared, I was terrified in my first flight"

"Really?! But you are so cool! And can fly so well" he laughs at that

"Yes, thank you, I am the way I am now because of my training, it would include things that I didn't want to do you will be fine as long as you have faith in yourself" he pets my head

"And a place to train" he chuckles again

"And a place to train, I have to go but here" he gave me a paper with an address not too far from home "that is a good and discreet place to train, good luck little bird" he pets my head again and flies above me "I hope to see you in the sky any day by now" he waves to me one more time and fly off.

'YES!' I smile wildly and start to sprint home 'thank you big bro! You are the best!'

Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow is the day that I will start U.A! . . . . . . . ........................................................................

Omg this was so fun to write! I know that this chapter was kinda bland n stuff, but I wanted you all to feel connected with y/n, so a chapter with her alone may help me active it.

Also having Hawks in the end was by accident, I was planning on putting him after the usj incident, but this chapter would be too blunt if it would end with nothing to hold on to, so I changed a bit!

Hope u all r enjoying! A lot of kisses to u all , until next week

Dnarez ❤~

[what-ever-happened-to-chip]

The Adventures of Squall

Squall's observations. Hmm. I don't know what Rinoa wants me to do. I guess I'll ask Eli for his notes and just give them to her. *knock knock* "Cheerio good boy, may  I help you with anything?" "Do you have notes on that thing Christian was talking about?" "Ahh you've came to the right residence, just let me....hold on just a moment..." He began digging through piles of loose paper, flipping through notebooks, all whilst mumbling to himself. "Alas! Here is one of my more rudimentary charts, but it shall accomplish what you're intial questions preface." It was hard to concentrate, he was talking very fast and using a lot of words that I didn't know. Akio says because of my ASD I sometimes get what he calls "verbal dyslexia" and it's hard for me to comprehend what other people are saying, especially if they talk different from me. I'll have to concentrate very hard if I don't want Rinoa mad at me again. "But see this is where it gets confusing, we have many great forces here, coincidence? Doubtfully so, but these overlapping characteristics I believe have come here for a reason. Many of our members, including myself, have had interactions with Christos, Christian you call him, and I can't imagine why he would let so many familar faces corner him in the same scenario, unless of course he had a plan for each individual. See, I believe..." He pulled out a chair for me that I sat in. I took out my notebook so I could remember what to tell Rinoa. "If you look here on this chart.." he pulled out a large beige canvas with several pictures pinned to it, threads of twine connecting different ones. "First you see here that Christos comes to my noble world and plants himself as Cyrus, the destroyer of worlds. He taints Noah and I am his right hand man. He tells me a great many things, we can go into later. Do realize this isn't in chronilogical order, I have no way of telling yet the timeline of all our respective worlds. "Next he plants himself as an alien, "Jenova" he calls it on Gaia and and infects the whole planet. The only one to save it was Aerith who possesses extrodainary spiritual powers. She was the last chance tho and aside from her sacrifice Geostigma went on beyond her time..." "His next target, alas, Thomas. A young, troubled boy whom Christian fictionalized a companion for. An alter ego of sorts and made thomas believe it was himself. I believe he might have been weak and needed a human body to recover on. At some point Christian went to Aiden and found him by the Sanguis River, which is the border between our world and ubi requiescit dolor or "where sorrow rests. I haven't been able to spot where he showed up in Harry's world, but I do know he was there at some point. He likely was only a death eater of no great importance. Same with Roxas, Christian probably took the form of a nobody, which of course begs the question...." It was really hard for me to take notes as fast as he talked. I was really tryign to spell words better to get in the habit of it. Reading was easy for me, but writing made me nervous. I'll just get the names and maybe i'll remember. "can one become a nobody without having a form first? Perhaps that's it. He was a formed human on one planet and when he was almost destroyed at some theroetical part, he latched onto Thomas but only came back as a nobody which of course is an allusion. Details, details, but where were we? Oh yes, next on his infamous walk through time was of course Aangs world where he brought the powers of darkness to a seemingly balanced world, probably dating back to around...." I needed to yawn, but it seemed rude. I wonder how he knew all of this. He seemed confused himself. Maybe I should talk to some other people. Rinoa will be mad if I only talk to him. I should have gotten more information earlier.

“And of course Akio’s unfortunate fate with him, presenting himself as illusions to drive the man mad I’m sure. I do believe he could do that, his evil seems endless.” He paused and looked around at all his charts and papers. this will be a good time to excuse myself. "I have to use the restroom, excuse me" He didn't seem to notice me leave, he kept talking and looking at his papers. While I was walking I saw Harry with a plastic cup pressed up to a door. As I walked closer to him he dropped the cup and ran. I went to the kitchen. "Hey Zack" He was drinking really fast out of a big water bottle. Some of it was spilling on his black shirt. "Heya buddy, I broke 20 in 80, my new personal best. Gotta love the summer time." "What?" "Oh 20 miles in an hour and 20, a 4 minute average." "...." "So do you know anything about why we had to go to Camp A and Camp B?" "Ulquiorra seemed pretty on edge, everyone getting riled up like that. Maybe it's time for the old man to retire!" "What about the dark world place?" "I don't know much about that, but I tell you I sure don't know want to get to know it better if you know what I mean. Anyways bud, lactic acid builds on stiff muscles, gotta do my cool down." He then clapped me a little hard on the back, it was sort of uncomfortable, then left the room. I continued walking around looking for someone else to talk to. Rikku is on the couch watching a cartoon called the Powerpuff Girls. She is flossing on the couch? Why isn't she in the bathroom. I'll wait until she's done. I'll wait around the corner so she doesn't know I saw her doing it. After about 70 second she dropped the floss on the ground. There was a garbage can right on the table, but I guess she didn't see it.

"Hey" "Uhhh hey..." Her eyes never left the screen. "Do you know anything about the dark spirit place Christian was talking about?" "Hmmm, there was this one story Buddy used to tell us to scare us, it seems like the same thing and i don't know with all this world collide bs i wouldn't surprised if it's the same. "Do you know the story?" "I don't know ask Buddy, i'm busy." "..." Okay I wonder where Buddy is. I heard a basketball hit the basket outside. Sometimes we play basketball together. "Yo, yo, yo man 3 on 3, pussy slayers vs bitch playas." "AW SHIT" "wooof woof woof" "Which ones which?" asked Aang. "My brutha you knows yous a slaya!" on that they bumped their fists together. "I guess that means i'm with you guys" Tifa said and smiled. That means I'm on Adam's and Riku's team. I played basketball up to 21 points. My team lost. I'm good at making baskets, but not as much at passing and working with my team. "Aight, aight, how bout a smoke break and then maybe we'll give ya'll a rematch." As they all began to disperse, I walked up to Buddy. "Rikku said you could tell me a story about the dark place." "Rikku tol you that?" "Yes. The one you use to tell her." He looked both ways and then straight at me. "I don know nuthin about no story." "Okay, sorry." I guess I better ask someone else. I was getting tired. I should have done this earlier, but I see  Rinoa tomorrow. I think it would be a good idea to ask Thomas. I'll see if he's in his room. *knock knock* He opened the door slow, but wide and stared at me. "Can you tell me anything about the dark place." He looked surprised and happy. Akio tells me sometimes people's facial expressions don't always show what they mean, but it's a good indicator if I'm confused. I think he wants me to come in. He was sitting in his computer chair and he had clothes folded on his bed so I don't want to sit there and get them dirty. "I find it rather odd you're the one asking me this question. Eli wasn't surprising one bit, but it's not like he'd listen if I did tell him anything." "So you don't know anything?" "Don't know anything? Yeah right. I know everything that I need to. And ultimately however this goes, there's nothing left for me to lose." "...." "I must admit it does get rather boring having to hold back such genius in my mind. Feigning ignorance on all matters that go on here just to be able to thrive. This truly is the best case scenario for me and I know i'm not alone." He was frowning now. I didn't say anything so I know he probably isn't mad at me. I've learned that most people just keep talking if you say nothing. It helps a lot because I usually have nothing to say. "Are you looking for the nitty gritty, the gory details, or simple how're you're involved?" "Rinoa wanted to me to ask people about it. She thinks we're being lied to." "HAH. Just now she thinks she's been lied to?? Foolish girl." "Rinoa is smart." "Perhaps she is, all the same it's all clouded by her ego." "....." "So rinoa wants to know about the dark world they've after all this time brought up. You have to know though, Simon wouldn't have brought it up if there wasn't some gain to him, some strategic reason for his timing. He's a puppet master, he probably knew you would be here talking to me. It's all going just to his plan.....or perhaps he thought I would kick you out and that would keep him advantageous. But he knew that i'd knew that he was planning that." I was getting pretty confused. "Who's Simon?"

He frowned at me. "He's Christian." "Okay." "That's right "Christian" has had many names, many forms. He's wormed his way into many of lives and took everything they had with them. A leech. Of course a leech needs to eat too." I had been in his room almost 15 minutes. It was probably time to talk to someone else. "The dark world, purgatory, the eternal space, the fog, every world has a different name for it. Some are ignorant, but most know that not everyone gets the "good death". It's origin is beyond me, but I know what it is now. And I know he wants to go there. He's looking for something. Or maybe he's helping someone else." "I have to go now." "Then go, i'm not keeping you if that's what you thought" Thomas sneered at me. "..." *door shuts* As I left Thomas's room, Zidane came in really quickly from the front door. He looked really skinny these days. He pulled off his knapsack and begin looking for something deep within it. I don't know why he still uses his old knapsack, a good messenger bag would look a lot nicer and be a lot less stressful on his shoulders. "OKAY DADDY'S HOME, who wants to party???" As people began pouring into the dining room, they gathered around as he poured a large bag of cocaine out onto the clean glass table top. I remembered when I went fishing the other day how when I dropped bread crumbs in little fish would swarm to all try and get the food at once. It reminded me of that. I used to do cocaine sometimes with Irvine and his friends, but Akio says that it might make my OCD and ASD worse. I didn't want to mess with it, I had already had a stressful day. That's good enough for now. I'll just go to bed and maybe in the morning someone will talk about it and I won't have to ask. I did my bedtime rituals in the normal order, brush teeth, clean face, comb hair, change out of all clothes into two pairs of fresh underwear, socks, and pajamas. It was nice tonight I could turn off the air conditioner. I rested my head on the pillow. The cocaine was making everyone rowdy and I could hear it. Great I could hear Aiden yelling from his room that was right next to mine, on the side my bed was pushed against. I've asked Garnet multiple times if he could switch rooms, but she says no one wants his room cause it smells like blood and has a bunch of holes in the walls. And I was definitely not going to switch my room, everyone was right in it, it didn't need to change. I don't want to spy on people, but last time I said I wouldn't do what Rinoa wanted she threatened to not talk to me for a month. Instead, she talked, or more so bitched, the entire month at me, never letting me have some peace and quiet. I don't want that again.

I took out my nightly form to see how I’’m doing and filled it out.

Anxiety: 8/10

Mood: 6/10

Insomnia: 2/10

OCD: 7/10

Triggers: Talking to people, missing lunch because no one would leave the kitchen, having to ask questions, shoe lace breaking and not having a replacement.

Medication issues: None

Overall: 6/10

He kept yelling, but I could hear another voice too. He often talked to himself so at least when someone else was there, it was only half yelling. I really didn’t want to do it, but I felt Rinoa demanding me why I didn’t. I didn’t like lying to her.

   I remembered Harry earlier. I poured my water cup out and pressed my ear against the bottom of it. "Denny if that's the case, what do you have to lose?" "EVERYTHING. DON'T YOU GET IT!!! I've been waiting too long for you to FUCK things up." "Well I do admire your dilligence Denny, you truly never give up." "I will never give up, I will never stop until things are right." "Being when you have Jenn back?" "NO SHIT. All you are is a pawn. There is no other reason you're here." "The life of a king or the life of a pawn, really only is affected by perspective. I take my place with pride and am grateful for whatever else life I get to cherish." "I've waited long enough, i'll wait forever, but I sure as fuck don't want to." "Aside from your said goals, I am curious, did J really return from there?" "Fuck if I know. It has nothing to do with me." "There feels as if there is things you aren't telling me Denny." "WELL HOW THE FUCK DID IT GO LAST TIME I DID." "Please.....I want to help." "As long as Christian holds up his end of the deal, I won't need to use you. And he has the same goal." "I get the feeling you two are not alone in your quest. Are there others?" "Yeah but they're not important really. Just gotta an eye on them." "Even more useless than I?" "No one could be more useless than you." "Ahh how appropriate I and Lana are spending our time in this waiting room together, both readily discardable part of the larger schemes of the world. I've never felt quite so zen  before." "haha maybe they should bring Liza around and see how well you two get along." "I believe they would get along splendidly. they like the same music, both androgenous yet stunningly feminine, thrill seeking." "Ur forgetting one thing, cock makes bitches crazy, look at Jenn and Yuna. They'd be the best friends in the world if Yuna hadn't sucked my dick." "And by Jenn, you mean that girl masaqurading as your girlfriend?" "Watch it fucker." "I'm only stating your sentiment seems strangely misplaced seeing Yuna is in real danger whereas "Jenn" is only what you make her to  be" "I don't think anything has to happen to her, but if it does she knew what she was getting into." "Yes, but that was a long time ago. A long time before now I would have sacrificed myself for your well being, do you think things are the same now?" ".......what do you mean..? but you....just said...WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN??????!!!!!!!" "I was only teasing Denny, of course I'm here at your service, seeing of course you are the sole reason I am here. I don't think it's wise to betray our gods." "Heh yeah right, I'm your fucking god." "Indeed I am in religious awe." "heh yeah sure. So fucker whatchu got in the briefcase." "Zidane went and filled my reservoirs, I'm back in business" "Hook it up bitch." "I wouldn't have it any other way." After that they started talking quieter in a way that didn't bother me, Finally I can go to sleep.

[pamphletstoinspire]

What the Trinity Reveals About God and Us

I once heard someone say that the most popular time for pastors to leave town is Trinity Sunday. How true that is, I don’t know. What I do know, is that during fifty plus years in the pews I have never heard a comprehensive sermon on the subject. I suspect my experience is not unique.

Few would deny that the Trinity is one of the most (if not, the most) important doctrines of the Christian faith and also one of the most misunderstood. Whether or not homiletical avoidance is to blame, it is regrettable, because no other doctrine tells us more about God and ourselves.

The Nature of God

Were it not for the Trinity, St. John’s claim, “God is love,” would be little more than glassy-eyed sentiment. Love without an object is frustrated, unfulfilled, and incomplete. Thus, a loving, but solitary God is a God who is contingent, a God who must create to satisfy his yearning, a God who is less than perfect.

On the other hand, a God who exists in a community of uncreated “One Anothers,” is a God who is complete in and of himself from eternity to eternity. For him, creation is not a divine necessity, but an extension — an extravagant extension — of whom he is.

Although Scripture lays out no explicit doctrine on the Trinity, it contains numerous references to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit working in concert. For example:

In the Annunciation, Gabriel tells Mary how the Spirit will come in the power of the Father to produce the Word made flesh in her.

At the last supper, Jesus promises the disciples that the Father will send the Spirit to remind them of his teachings.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul reveals that spiritual gifts come from the Spirit, in service to the Son, according to the sovereign purposes of the Father.

Then there is Jesus’s rebuke of the Jews (“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him”) that, when combined with his response to Thomas (“No one comes to the Father except through me”) and Paul’s message to the Corinthians (“No one can say, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ except by the Holy Spirit”), reveals that personal salvation is the synergistic result of the Father’s initiative, the Son’s atonement, and the Holy Spirit’s promptings.

Scripture bears witness to a Godhead of three Persons united in will and purpose. One of those purposes is the creation of beings designed for union in the divine Community. For instance, notice how man’s tripartite nature of mind, body, and spirit relates to Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the following verses:

“Who has understood the mind of [Yahweh]…?”

“The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God…”

“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

It is sufficiently amazing that God has made us for communion with him. It is more amazing, still, that he calls into partnership with him through the “Greatest Commandment,” the Great Commission, and the Cultural Commission — three (!) directives aimed at expanding his community and uniting it cruciform, vertically with the Godhead, and horizontally with fellowman.

Three Directives

The Greatest Commandment — to love others as Christ loved us — is a summons to work for the sake of others, that they might experience the joy of knowing God and living in harmony with his creation. But only a disciple can know God, and only a world managed by caring stewards will be conducive to the flourishing of nature and mankind. Thus, fulfilling the Greatest Commandment requires that we take up both the Great Commission and the Cultural Commission.

To help us toward those ends, God established three (!) institutions: the family, the state, and the Church, each with its own sphere of responsibility. When each institution fulfills its unique calling, while respecting the others, it creates the conditions necessary for individuals to experience communion with family, neighbors, communities, creation, and God.

Sadly, the cruciform community for which we are created and called, is becoming less and less apparent. Instead of a growing sense of community with our fellowman and God, we are becoming more individualistic, socially and morally. While that may seem unremarkable, what is interesting is one place it has become evident.

Our Atomization

Citing a study on language usage, columnist David Brooks noted, that since 1960, individualistic words like “personalized,” “self,” “standout,” and “unique” have eclipsed communal words like “community,” “collective,” “share,” and “united.” In other studies he cites, researchers found that moral terms like “virtue,” “decency,” “conscience,” “honesty,” “faith,” “ought,” “evil,” and “prudence” have declined in use over the years.

What these findings tell Brooks is that as society “has become more individualistic, it has also become less morally aware” resulting in “certain forms of social breakdown.” I would flip his causative chain to say that our moral breakdown has led to our social breakdown and the pathologies associated with our atomization from God and neighbor. It is a trajectory traced back to the beginning.

Once God proclaimed, “It is good!”, Satan took to tearing asunder what God had put together. By sowing the seed of distrust, Satan successfully pitted man against God. Then, in quick succession, he turned husband against wife, brother against brother, neighbor against neighbor, son against father, man against his own nature, and, eventually, mother against her child.

If God can’t be trusted, nobody can — not our government, not our churches, not our families, no one. Our loss of faith not only isolates us from God, it isolates us from tradition, generational wisdom, shared values, and each other, creating a balkanized society of competing “others” where even the enwombed child represents a threat to our well-being.

Over the last forty years, the “fruits” of atomization have included the escalation of divorce, fatherless homes, single-parent families, sex without marriage, marriage without children, children unattached to their biological parents, and the loss of two billion (!) children worldwide to abortion. What’s more, personal dissatisfaction, disappointment, and depression are at record levels in an age of technological, medical, and economic progress unprecedented in history.

The doctrine of the Trinity informs us that this is not the way it was meant to be. Because God, the Source of being, is social, we, made in his image, are social, too. For that reason, the joy, peace, and fullness for which we were created will be experienced only to the degree that we are united cruciform, to him and each other. It also means that when we work to restore what Satan has torn asunder — relationships with God, spouses, neighbors, and nature — we fulfill the divine directives of love, discipleship, and stewardship.

If you are interested in how the triune nature of God is woven into the fabric of creation from the cosmic scale to cosmic scale,please read the following story.

The Trinity: A Mystery Revealing the Nature of God

The doctrine of the Trinity is a mystery that has been the subject of debate, controversy, and misunderstanding for two millennia.

Part of the difficulty is that although traces of the Trinity run throughout the warp and woof of Scripture, God’s holy Word contains nothing explicit about it. But perhaps our larger problem is that as limited, “this-worldly” humans, we lack cognitive associations, experiences, and symbols to grasp how three beings can be one, yet somehow distinct.

C.S. Lewis picks up on that point in his poem, Footnote to All Prayers. There Lewis writes that when we “attempt the ineffable Name, murmuring, Thou,” we unwittingly blaspheme with feeble and inaccurate representations of the Divine. What’s more, Lewis suggests, “all men are idolaters,” because they visualize God and worship him in man-made metaphors.

With that in mind, and in the knowledge that some of the greatest minds in history have struggled to explain the triune Godhead, I will not attempt to do so here. That’s because our challenge is not to “understand” the Trinity, but to accept it as a mystery that is central to the nature and character of God.

Important Differences

Among world religions, past and present, Christianity stands apart. No other metaphysical belief system has a God who is both transcendent and immanent — one who is over all and who has “pitched his tent” with us.

Bare monotheistic traditions, like Islam, hold that God is transcendent, but not immanent. He is a cosmic Enigma who distances himself from his creation, leaving man to figure out how he can be placated to avoid punishment or gain reward.

In ancient polytheism, the gods were not omnipotent deities but Olympian heroes who exhibited the same flaws and foibles as their earthly counterparts. Their temperamental and petulant encounters with man made it difficult to determine, G.K. Chesterton once remarked, “about which [was] the hero and which [was] the villain.”

For pantheistic traditions, “God” is the universal force, energy, or spirit through which “all is one, and all Divine.” Although God is immanent, he is neither transcendent nor personal. He’s that all-pervading, supersensible something that must be “tapped into” to discover and master the techniques of spiritual evolution.

Absent are doctrines of original sin and substitutionary atonement, or any notion of divine grace. Salvation, whether that means winning favor with a silent and distant deity or actualizing one’s divinity, is a matter of moving up the escalator of merit through individual effort.

By contrast, the Christian God is neither silent nor remains an astronomical unit away. He communicates in the unbroken speech of his revealed Word while seeking communion with man. It is a fellowship expressed in intimate word-pictures, like vine and branches, father and children, and bridegroom and bride.

While, in other belief traditions, man must pull himself up by his own bootstraps and get right with God, in Christianity, it is God who reaches downward to make men right. Men are not expected to earn God’s favor by demonstrating their worth—instead, God seeks to win man’s favor by demonstrating the unfathomable dimensions of his love.

And that brings us to the Trinity.

Divine Attributes

Like other monotheistic deities, the Christian Godhead is transcendent, omnipotent, and omniscient. Those are the attributes we normally think about when we read Paul’s words: “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities — his eternal power and divine nature — have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Rom. 1:20). But since tri-unity is at the essence of the Godhead, we should expect that divine quality to be, also, stamped on those things “clearly seen.” And indeed, it is — at every level.

At the cosmic level, the universe consists of three things: space, time, and matter—each, themselves, having three integral components.

Space exists in three dimensions: length, width and height. Time consists of the past, present and future. Matter is made up of three sub-nuclear ingredients: quarks, leptons and bosons, each uniquely defined by three parameters: electronic charge, mass, and magnetic spin. What’s more, atoms contain three things: protons, neutrons, and electrons. And, if that’s not enough, all protons and neutrons are made up of three quarks. Am I sounding like a broken record or what?

At the chemical level, water — the major molecule of biological life — is an example of matter with distinctive triune qualities. Consisting of three atoms (two hydrogen and one oxygen), water can exist in solid, liquid or gas forms without changing its chemical makeup. Three forms, the same essence.

But wait! As explained by Einstein — you know, his E=mc2 relation — matter is energy and energy, matter. And, you guessed it, energy comes in three varieties: the strong-nuclear, the electro-weak, and gravitational.

Finally, each of these grand components — space, time, and matter — are intricately woven and interconnected in the unified fabric of spacetime. A single, integrated essence. Confounding, isn’t it? Just like the Trinity.

At the human level, experience and common sense tells us that we are more than material machines. Matter and energy follow determined paths according to physical laws. But we have choice and free will. We also have thoughts, affections, and aspirations that transcend deterministic laws. This suggests the ultra-physical or, what we call, spirit. When combined with mind and body, spirit completes our human nature mirroring the triune Godhead.

Consider the following verses of scripture:

“Who has understood the mind of [Yahweh]…”

“The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God…”

“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

Notice how Father, Son, and Holy Spirit correlate and communicate, with our triune design. From the infinitesimal to the infinite, a trinitarian thread runs throughout the fabric of creation.

So what’s the significance of this?

So What?

At the heart of the matter is the character of God, which has been under attack from the beginning. After God completed his creation work declaring it good, Satan proceeded to “poison the well.”

Despite God’s warning to Adam about eating from the forbidden tree, Satan sashayed up to his companion with some been-around-the-block advice:

“Let me clue you in Eve. That stuff about ‘you will surely die’ — it’s bluster. Here’s the thing: God likes his power and the control he has over you and … he’s not about to give it up. So he goes around thundering out empty threats in hopes that you’ll be intimidated. Look at me — do I look scared? Now then … about that fruit — it tastes really good with a little coconut milk.”

From the Garden to the present, the charge has been the same: God can’t be trusted. He’s a toothless tiger who jealously guards his position by withholding good things from us: things that are fun and pleasurable; information and experiences that would enable us to achieve our own divinity.

It’s as if God’s wholeness depends in some way on his creation. Without underlings to obey him and worship him, God would be less than God. Yet such is not the Christian God who from eternity to eternity is perfect and complete in all aspects. To him, nothing can be added and from him, nothing taken away. As he himself declares, “I the LORD do not change” (Mal. 3:6). And that pertains to his love, as well.

Because God is changeless, creation is not needed to complete or express his love. Rather, God’s love exists in full within the triune Godhead. For it is there, in the eternal Community that Father, Son, and Holy Spirit participate in their perpetual fellowship.

So rather than a project of a lonely God in need of adoring sycophants, creation is the labor of a loving God who wants to share, not withhold, the good things he has prepared for those who love him.

“No eye has seen nor ear heard, or mind conceived what God has prepared for them who love him.” (1 Cor. 2:9)

BY: REGIS NICOLL

From: www.pamphletstoinspire.com

[woozi]

hehe :3 henlo yza <3

honestly i have no idea bc it's vernon. he always brings something new & unique. also rocket is one of my feel good songs so im really excited for it! what about you?

tbh i really don't care much about concept pictures because creative teams themselves don't dhjekd sometimes it doesn't even go with album theme lol. but i still end up expecting at least little from them djjjd. the most exciting part of comebacks for me is album and the performances, also bside performances!

hdjdkd the 🤯🤯🤯 made me laugh 😭😭 im sure that's exactly how it goes in meetings.

I DID HJSSJSK IM SO HERE TO ROCK W/ DINO 😭 i think it's dino too ( omg hdjdjd pls don't say sorry im lich rally here for stream of your thoughts :3) one of the things i love is how cb nears w/ each new info we get to see different members shinning. in the start it were hoshi, joshi, & dino. then jeonghan in concept pictures 😭😩, vernon, shua and wonu ( i think) being main composer of hhu song and now with kbs teaser, dino 🥺, so excited to see who shines in choreo. i love how everyone shines w their parts and it does get noticed by audience. svt truly the complete package

you're so cute dfhjkjhfh and thank you i am infact a tea person <3 ( hao are you proud of us?) now the tea party vibe will always here djjdjs

also thank you for the compliments on mb hsjssi 😭 it was just a brainrot with minimum effort. it's an honor actually <3.

😭😭😭😭 i never have been good at staying hidden djjdjkd on the contrary i love exposing myself sjjsjdj but still i shall continue using the sky diving emoji :3

the thank yous may never end between us jdjjdks instead of saying thank you, i'm wishing you have a sexy week <3 filled w/ only good stuff. take care yza :3 - 🪂

LOML HELLO <3 <3 <3

v v true <3 i really don't know what to expect from him, boys has a wide RANGE. when i think of rocket i always picture josh in the anan interview singing the "OOh" part and just moving on 😭😭😭 ALSO V PUMPED!!! now that we know what its like.. it's giving me good 4 u vibes JDKDFKJFD IS THAT JUST ME, the lyrics are also v good 4 u. love that theyre exploring more genres <3 super sexie of them. ALSO SAW KCARATS REPLACING THE HANNAH MONTANA SOUNDTRACK W IT GFJFGDJSDKJ HELP!! how did YOU find it? <3

"because creative teams themselves don't" SCREAMMMMMMMMMM, ok but sadly this is very (real). on that note, it makes me wonder how the mermen concept was actually conceived JFKFDJDF ALSO YESSSSSSSSSSS v v excited for the bsides!! im gonna be greedy and hope they'll perform it all

YES IT TURNED OUT TO BE DINO 😭😭😭 good for him for getting the chorus but i guess that's them making up for the horrendous mullet 😭😭wHAT DID THEY DO TO MY BOY!! my poor little woof woof. JOSHIIII THAT IS SO CUTE </3 also so true this sparked my joshua era lol. AND U ALWAYS HIT THE NAIL IN THE HEAD HUH <3 svt indeed makes the best pizzas

OMGGGGGGG gonna start an infj tea party for u and hao <3 maybe we'll include wonu too. he's chill <3

honestly just giving credit where credit is due <3 i still think about the mb tbh DFKJFDKJDFJKFD

love that, that's another bestie trait 4 u n me bc same JDFJKDFJKFDJKDF

indeed <3 i'll always be thankful but now maybe it'll suffice that it is just in spirit <3 i feel like the thank yous are how we sign off now KJDFJKKFJD ALSO HOPE UR HAVING THE SEXIEST WEEK!! U DESERVE IT <3 <3 LOV UUU

[rachywritessomething]

A Modern Christmas Carol

I found the beginning of this... short story (?) in my google docs and I wrapped it up tonight. So I figured I’d post it in pieces so I can actually have something writblr here.

Anyway, here’s the first spirit for A Modern Christmas Carol.

I had become complacent.

The world was ending and I had put horse blinders on myself so I couldn’t see anything but my immediate objective. I focused only on classes and work, and when I wasn’t at either, I scrolled through the pages of how miserable and bleak it all was, doing nothing about it.

This year, I opted to work Christmas Eve because I was still in the city. My sister was spending Christmas day with her inlaws so our family celebration wouldn’t be for a few days after. I already had my flight back home but I hadn’t packed anything yet. Every evening, I told myself I would pack, but always ended up scrolling away.

I was scrolling as I walked home, not seeing anything around me. I hardly even noticed the old, stray dog that wandered near my apartment building. He sniffed about for scraps of food, probably accustomed to a diet of fast food dropped by drunk college kids. I tisked to shoo him away from the front door before stepping inside and climbing the four flights of stairs to my apartment.

Both of my roommates had gone home for the holidays already so I had the place to myself. It meant I could listen to my Christmas music without my headphones while I made mac and cheese from the box for supper before turning on the television to let a crime drama play while I scrolled my phone.

It was strange. I knew I was better off just letting the music play instead.

After a while, I went to my room to do the same thing. I laid in bed, letting a show play from my laptop while I scrolled through my phone, feeling the familiar pangs of guilt and fear and numbness until I fell asleep.

I woke up to the sound of a clang in the kitchen. 

I sat up and looked at the closed door of my room and reached for my phone under my pillow, turning on the flashlight. No one else was supposed to be in the apartment. I knew I should have called the police, but I got up and walked out of the door as if someone else had possessed my body.

The noise came from the kitchen. I rounded the corner, shining my light to find a black shadow over the fallen pan I had used for the mac and cheese.

“What the…” I hit the light on the wall and the creature looked up at me. I recognized her immediately. How couldn’t I? Her black fur, her puppy-like face, her enormous size… she was as picture perfect as I remembered.

“Ellie?”

The berner woofed and bounded over to me, her heavy paws not even touching the ground. She didn’t feel heavy when she leapt up, and when I scratched behind her ears, her fur didn’t feel as thick and soft as I remembered it. Her kisses didn’t leave me coated in slobber and her breath didn’t stink when she panted on me.

“Am I dreaming?” I asked her.

Ellie woofed again and hopped down to lean against my leg as she was apt to do. I didn’t know if her answer meant one thing or another but there was something very comforting about hearing her. It felt like coming home.

I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and scratch behind her floppy ears, but she hopped up and ran to the door of my apartment.

Ten years of a habit was hard to break, even after months without the opportunity to feed it. She looked at me, her lethal tail wagging away, her tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth. 

“Wanna go outside?”

Ellie bounced on her front paws as she woofed again, her nose in the air, the sound echoing so loudly off the walls, it was sure to wake up my neighbors. I didn’t care. I ran to the door and threw it open for her.

Light flooded through the doorway and snow stretched over the country landscape. I recognized it. The white house by the lake, the trees of the woods in the distance. I always thought it was what heaven would look like. In the winter, the picture could have made a greeting card.

Ellie ran out into the snow, urging me to follow her. I looked over my shoulder to see if I could grab my boots first, but my apartment was gone and I was standing in the drift. It didn’t feel cold against my bare feet. I supposed it really was a dream, but it was a good one.

I ran after the dog and she raced away from me, heading for the road.

There weren’t any cars driving by. It was far too icy for that. There was, however, a sled being led by an eleven-year-old girl in a bright pink coat -the one I had gotten for Christmas that year. Beside her was a big, black dog, pulling the sled by a harness that was probably graded for an actual sled dog. Her cargo only included a backpack and a puppy with markings similar to her own. 

I stopped at the edge of the road beside Ellie and looked from her to her puppy form. Her younger self barked at us and the spirit beside me woofed back, but neither the lead dog nor the young girl looked. They led the sled past, following the road.

Ellie stood and bumped my hand with her head before walking behind. I knew I had to walk beside her.

“This was your first Christmas,” I said to her. “Sophie seemed lonely so we got you.”

Ellie leaned into me a little, her big brown eyes looking up at me as if I was the entire world. 

“Sophie’s okay.” I scratched behind her ear as we walked. “I know she misses you a lot. We all do.” A weight settled in my chest and my throat tightened up as I remembered the call from my mom last spring. I was careful to not make a habit of missing classes but that day, I couldn’t bring myself to go and I don’t think anyone would have blamed me.

“She’s a smart dog but you’ve always been the good girl.”

It wasn’t the spirit beside me that replied, but the puppy on the sled. I looked up just in time to watch the girl grab the backpack.

Both of the dogs waited patiently as she pulled out an envelope, sticking it in the mailbox by the side of the road.

The sight made me laugh. “I remember this,” I said. “I walked to grandpa’s house instead of riding in the car so I could deliver those cards.” I crossed my arms and shook my head. “I’m sure most of them were ruined by the snow.”

The girl and the big dog led the sled on. Ellie didn’t follow them. She nudged me and stepped onto the driveway. I followed her up to the house but I could not remember for the life of me who had lived there. The more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder if I had ever really met them.

Ellie stopped by the door and looked at me expectantly. I knew that look. It was something I struggled to get out of my head. 

“Wanna go back inside, old girl?” As if I had spoken it into reality, her fur looked a little lighter and she did not support herself on her back, right leg. She was still just as pretty and her face was puppy-like, even with her droopy eyes. “Wanna go lay down?”

Ellie woofed, her voice low, and without any regard for who lived in the house, I opened the door and let us both inside. 

We were back in my room in my apartment. Ellie limped slowly to my bed and placed a paw on my mattress. I didn’t think about it, I just hefted her up, her spirit form much lighter than she had been, and she laid on my pillows. She always did like snuggling with them.

I laid down beside her and ran my fingers through her light fur, wishing it would feel and smell like it had when she was alive.

[jewishphilosophyplace]

(Pasolini) Hardscrabble Religious Image (The Gospel According to St. Mathew)

I think one could reasonably argue that in modern art, including cinema, including cinema that touches upon “the spiritual in art,” the background frames are more important than the figures operating on the foreground. The ones that grabbed me most in Pasolini’s classic black and white The Gospel According to St. Matthew are the dark, hardscrabble shots. These are the flinty landscapes, Herod’s rough and buff young man-soldiers at the massacre of the innocents, stony Jerusalem cityscapes, tough priests and imposing headgear, and the death of Judas by suicide. We could organize these under the rubrics “landscape,” “cityscape,” and “anthro-scape.” Drawn from southern Italy, the created environment is inhospitable to life. In this piece of Vitalist visual thinking, the rough material and cruel social substrate appears as if dead in order to highlight the mysterious, life-sustaining miracle of the revelation. Reflecting no doubt a Jewish prejudice of my own construction, I was less drawn to the shots of Jesus and his companions. Just too pretty, Jesus and Mary were unable to match the raw topographical, urban, and human brutality of the background. To do that, they would have needed to be as nasty, brute, and “ugly.”

More so than the figure of Jesus himself and the gospel words, it was the soundtrack that carried for this viewer the strong sense of “spirit.” There was Bach (Mass in B Minor) along with Odetta’s “Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child,” Blind Willie Johnson’s “Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground,” the thundering “Gloria” from the Congolese Missa Luba, and a quiet Kol Nidre. All of these were complemented by the haunting sound of “wind” insinuating itself over the landscape, the literal form of spirit as ruaḥ.

About sound in relation to topography I’m grabbing a piece from Deleuze in Cinema 2. He’s not writing here about Pasolini per se, but he makes good sense of the point I’m trying to make. That point concerns how in film the “aesthetic of the visual image …takes on a new character: its pictorial or sculptural qualities depend on a geological, tectonic power as in Cezanne’s mountains…The visual image reveals its geological strata or foundations, whilst the act of speech and also of music becomes for its part founder [sic], ethereal (Cinema 2, p.246). (The use of that term “ethereal” gives Deleuze away; it appears, he had an eye and an ear for “the spiritual in art.”)

In avant-garde films like the Gospel According to St. Matthew, what should be most clear is that narrative-linguistic content is subordinate to images, understood as poetic. This seems especially necessary in movies that handle religious or spiritual material in which “content” threatens to overwhelm and flatten the aesthetic sensation that shapes the shape of the content. The opposition between poetry and prose is one of the basic points in Pasolini’s well-known essay “The Cinema of Poetry” (1965). There he develops the idea of the irreducibly irrational, oneiric essence of cinema as being more like poetry than prose. While I would reject much of Pasolini’s thinking as too binary in structure, the structure gives one a good idea regarding what to look for in his larger body of work, this film included. Simply put, the landscape in the background, I would argue, is more irascible than the primary figures. In much the same way, Derrida privileged the picture frame over the picture in his unjustly neglected Truth in Painting.

http://ift.tt/2aDYVJs You can read all of “The Cinema of Poetry” here. While it is not Pasolini’s intention in this essay to write about religion and art, I want to focus on how his analysis  highlights the brute irrational as the most “significant” component in “the spiritual in art.” Again I want to direct attention to environmental features such as a landscape, cityscape, and anthro-scape. Pasolini writes, “Here, we must immediately make a marginal observation: whereas the instruments of poetic or philosophical communication are already extremely perfected, truly form a historically complex system which has reached its maturity, those of the visual communication which is at the basis of cinematic language are altogether brute, instinctive. Indeed, gestures, the surrounding reality, as much as dreams and the mechanisms of memory, are of a virtually pre-human order, or at least at the limit of humanity in any case pre-grammatical and even premorphological (dreams are unconscious phenomena, as are mnemonic mechanisms; the gesture is an altogether elementary sign, etc.).”

Setting aside the semiotic terms of Pasolini’s analysis, about the imagistic quality of the shots that I selected above, see this 1965 interview, in which the filmmaker underscores again the brute, mystical and irrational, which in The Gospel According to St. Matthew are best evoked by non-human and inhumane features. http://ift.tt/2pHmLh2 Pasolini explains, “Although St. Matthew wrote without metrics, he would have the rhythm of epic and lyric production. And for this reason, I have renounced in the film any kind of realistic and naturalistic reconstruction. I completely abandoned any kind of archaeology and philology, which nevertheless interest me in themselves. I didn’t want to make an historical reconstruction. I preferred to leave things in their religious state, that is, their mythical state. Epic-mythic. Not desiring to reconstruct settings that were not philosophically exact—reconstructed on a sound stage by scene designers and technicians—and furthermore not wanting to reconstruct the ancient Jews, I was obliged to find everything—the characters and the ambiance—in reality.”

What is of interest here in the analogical method is the collapse of time into a single image that belong neither entirely to the past nor entirely to the present. The Gospel According to St. Matthew was intentionally made in such a way as to not resemble conventional biblical epics built on a logic of “representation.” The register is not historical, but nor is it ahistorical. Building on top of temporal strata (Scripture, Catholic tradition, and Italian art), the film is supra-historical in structure, the brute milieu being non-specific to the text and the time of its origins. The landscapes are what below we will see Deleuze refer to as “any-place-whatever.” In Pasolini’s film, the place of the film is southern Italy, not Roman Judea. The “jews” are Italian. Relating to what Deleuze called a “time-image,” I want to mean by this term simply the way the sense of the past and the sense of the present are crystalized into a single image. The image includes biblical gospel compressed alongside ongoing realities of poverty and revolutionary struggle, caught best in long shots devoid of either a human presence or sympathetic visage.

The reality has been made strange by film, and that too was deliberate. On shooting the film piece by piece, Pasolini describes his own working method as a filmmaker. “My work is facilitated by the fact that I never shoot entire scenes. Being a ‘non-professional’ director I’ve always had to ‘invent’ a technique that consists of shooting only a very brief bit at one time. Always in little bits—I never shoot a scene continuously. And so even if I’m using a non-actor lacking the technique of an actor, he’s able to sustain the part—the illusion—because the takes are so brief.” This then is the trick in relation to the shots framing my own analysis. On one hand, the sense of strangeness depends upon long and extended shots, the camera lingering in sharp, mosaic segments, on the other hand.

The roughness that is characteristic of the raggedy film-segment conveys something that Elizabeth Castelli observes in her introduction to her translation of St. Paul, the screenplay of an uncompleted project just published by Verso. Against what Pasolini dismissed as the modern “bourgeoisentropy,” Castelli notes his claim that modern consumerism “would overwhelm modern society and render the peasant and the worker invisible. Such entropy would, in his view, make unsentimental expressions of authenticity increasingly difficult, not to say completely impossible.” “Translating Pasolini Translating Paul” in St. Paul, Verso, 2017, p.28)

What I am picking up from Castelli is not the filmmaker’s otherwise unremarkable Marxist-Christian critique of modern capitalism. What matters more to the analysis offered here is how she flags Pasolini’s critique of sentimentality, which is a feature so often an infelicitous part of the warp and woof of religion and film. Pasolini’s shots of landscapes, cityscapes, and anthro-scapes are powerful as “religious” or “spiritual” only to the degree that they are, on the whole, the most unwarm quality of his film on Matthew.

This lack of sentiment glosses those silent moments and spaces, figures of alienation which are haunting as wordless and without world. About long topographical shots in Pasolini and in other works of postwar cinema, Deleuze is keen to show how the movement-image (i.e. the image of action, which, like language, works according to a cause-effect chronological sequence of an extended shot) is suspended in the compressed form of the time-image.

I can conclude this post no better than by citing Deleuze, who writes, “The break in the sensory-motor link does not only affect the speech-act turning in on itself and hollowing itself out, and in which the voice now refers only to itself and to other voices. It also affects the visual image, which now reveals the any-space-whatevers, empty or disconnected spaces characteristic of modern cinema. It is as if, speech having withdrawn from the image to become founding act, the image, for its part, raised the foundations of space, the ‘strata’, those silent powers of before or after speech, before or after man. The visual image becomes archaeological, stratigraphic, tectonic. Not that we are taken back to prehistory (there is an archaeology of the present), but to the deserted layers of our time which bury our own phantoms; to the lacunary layers which we juxtaposed according to variable orientations and connections. These are the deserts in German cities. These are the deserts of Pasolini, which make prehistory the abstract poetic element, the ‘essence’ co-present with our history, the archaean base which reveals an interminable history beneath our own” (Cinema 2 pp.243-4).

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