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focsle · 2 years ago

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So, 19th century whaling stuff huh? (purely on recommendation from a reblog from ltwilliammowett) Got any recommendations for visual references about the different kinds of whaling ship at the time? Looking for stuff that could of existed around the 1870s towards the 1890s

I’ll unpaywall a longish essay I wrote about a year ago on patreon about the general design of whaleships, that includes images as well as ship register lists that describe them. It’s written from the angle of design decisions I made for a graphic novel, but reading beyond the artmaking conversation I share information about how whalers tended to be shaped and the identifying features they carried.

For additional visual references I’d check out the photo collections of the New Bedford Whaling Museum and the Charles W. Morgan at Mystic Seaport. The photos from the NBWM are early 20th century, but the ships within them are older. Mid 19th century vessels were used well into the late part of the century and into the early 1900s with very little change, though by that point the industry was fully on its way out the door. The sketches in whaling logbooks or on scrimshaw are also a good way to get a sailor’s interpretation of the vessels. Whaleships and Whaling by Albert Cook Church and Sperm Whaling from New Bedford by Elton W Hall (that is a collection of Clifford Ashley’s photographs from his time on the whaler Sunbeam) are good visual books too. ANYWAY, onto the Essay under the readmore, if you’re so inclined.

Melville described Captain Ahab's ship the Pequod as having an “old-fashioned claw-footed look about her." It's a description I always hold in my mind whenever I draw a whaler. Melville, of course, added more whimsy to his iconic vessel, ‘a cannibal of a craft, tricking herself forth in the chased bones of her enemies’. With sperm whale teeth in the place of belaying pins, blocks made of sea-ivory instead of wood, and a whale’s jawbone in place of a tiller. While whalebone blocks and belaying pins were absolutely made on occasion, whaleships in general were not so unique from one another.

In looking at the long list of Ship Registers out of New Bedford, 1796-1850, it seems that if you saw one whaleship you more or less saw ‘em all.

Photo of the bark Sunbeam hove to at sea, 1904, Clifford Ashley. Via New Bedford Whaling Museum.

Typically 19th century whaleships were three-masted ships or barks, and many ships were eventually re-rigged as barks in the latter half of the century as it required a smaller crew to handle. Whalers tended to be squat and broad, built for stability rather than speed. They were going to be at sea for years, with big cavernous holds for hundreds upon hundreds of barrels of oil, as well as equipment and provisions set to last many months without resupply. Thus, sturdiness was the primary focus in their design.

A cross section of the bark Alice Knowles from G.B. Goode's The Fisheries and Fishery Industry of the United States. Look at all that needed storage space!

With square sterns and a typical ratio of 1:4 for beam to length (as opposed to sleek merchant ships that often were more of a 1:6), describing them as a ‘tub’,--as many whalers grudgingly did when speaking of their floating home--is rather fitting (though perhaps a bit uncharitable). On average, whaleships were 100-115 ft in length, 25-30ft wide, with a tonnage ranging from 180-400.

They were built with few frills. Rarely did they have galleries or figureheads, instead having a simple billet-head or doing without the flourish entirely. My biggest indulgence was giving the Valor a bit more of an elegant prow, which I might regret a little bit since now I have to draw it all the time.

Billet-head vs figurehead...

A distinct lack of fanciness!

I wanted to draw a lady tho. The one of……three women in GTW. Does she count?

Sometimes whalers were painted with false gun ports along their hull, a traditional holdover from when they had to worry more often about wartime enemies in the late 18th century. The hope was that the paint job in combination with her chunky appearance would lead to her being mistaken for a small warship at a distance and thus spared harassment. Even when no longer really necessary, the design often made its appearance.

Drawing in the logbook of Captain James Coffin of his ship Washington, 1841.

I quite liked the look of the psuedo gun ports, and decided to give the Valor the same as an embellishment for some extra contrast.

The most identifying feature of a whaler was the tryworks—a large brick oven with heavy iron pots located aft of the foremast and in front of the main hatch. They were built with a pen that would be filled with sea water that flowed freely beneath a checker-board laid brick base to keep the extreme heat from setting fire to the ship. The tryworks would have to be rebuilt for each voyage, so there was sometimes a rather joyous moment at the end of a long trip when the crew would tear the structure apart and toss it in the sea.

Along the port side, three whaleboats would be slung on the davits. Fore, aft, and amidships. A fourth whaleboat would be located on the starboard quarter.

Screenshot of my desktop background that's some deck plans of a whaleship cos I got sick of digging for the reference every time I had to spatially orient myself when drawing a panel!

Deckhouses were built aft to house the galley and storage lockers, and there was also a ‘hurricane house’ built over the helm to protect whoever was steering during foul weather. Spare whaleboats, as well as harpoons, spades, lances, and other whaling gear would be stored on top of this cover or on hanging shelves beneath it.

A view of whalers and the afthouse, on the bark Greyhound. Via NBWM.

The final identifying feature of a whaleship was a pair of cross trees, a platform with hoops at the top of the mast where men would be stationed to look out for whales.

The ship that I’ve referenced the most in my design of the Valor is, of course, the Charles W. Morgan because she can still be visited! The last surviving wooden whaleship, she had a long life of 37 voyages (and a couple movie roles in her sunset years) spanning from 1841-1921 (and one more voyage in 2014! Heartbreak of heartbreaks that I was not on it!). She’s now a crown jewel at the Mystic Seaport Museum. I was honored to meet her.

She had some lovely authenticating details that I was happy to put into my own worldbuilding, such as a reference to this gimballed bed. It was designed to always stay level even as the ship rolled, installed by one of the Morgan’s captains to try mitigating his wife's seasickness.

Another favorite detail of mine was how natural daylight was drawn into the cabins and forecastle via deck prisms. Set with their bases flush with the deck above, glass deck prisms were designed to bring light down below.

I remember being surprised at how effective they were. In the photo below, the yellow light is artificial, but the blue light is coming solely from the deck prism. This was on a dark rainy day.

As such, I really enjoy always thinking about how these prisms are lighting the areas below on the Valor.

During my visit I remember thinking that this old surviving whaleship looked quite comfortable and cozy.

Look at that.

Such homey little flourishes.

Look at how cute.

I’d live here.

That is, until I thought about the reality of this work and world. The fo'c'sle helped bring that reality forward. There wasn't anyone else on the ship and it was a cold spring day, but upon stepping into the space I could feel the humidity that had gathered there.

I could imagine the noise of it, the smell of it, the heaviness of the air that came with 20 men sharing such a space, eating and smoking in it, crushing cockroaches in it, dumping their wet gear in it, vomiting in it, keeping a communal urine barrel in it, reeking of blood and oil and smoke and ash as everything mouldered in the damp for for three to four years. The dimensions of the fo'c'sle was enough to set my imagination a’going. It was a perfect reference, and for the comic it just needed to be populated.

For the sake of having somewhat readable panels, my boys are lucky to have been given a much more spacious residence. But still, I try to build out the claustrophobia of the space. And this is just the first night. As time goes on, I’m looking forward to besmirching this place.

Superimposing the reality of a whaler was also necessary in drawing the decks (and will become even more so when I get to the whaling scenes). Now, as a museum, the ship is pristine...

But I must always remember the description given by a 19th century whaler grumbling that while cutting in a whale, ‘everything is beshit’. Documentary footage as well as photographs, coupled with the words from dead men's journals and one’s own imagination of the hellishness of the work is how I begin to paint the decks of this whaler, especially during the work of cutting in.

(warning for sensitive images below of a lot of blubber)

Photos by William H Tripp, 1925. Via NBWM

Photo by Albert Cook Church. NBWM.

This 1904 image, as described by its photographer Clifford Ashley, 'Rectangular blocks of blubber (lippers) are used to scrape up bits of blubber and slush from the deck so nothing is wasted'. Via NBWM.

But the place that made me feel the closest sense of reality on the Morgan was the blubber room. The deck prisms didn’t reach here, and in some places the beams were so low I had to duck my head.

This was where large 15ft sheets of blubber would be dumped below via the hatch, for men to hack them up into smaller 6ft ‘horse pieces’ and then pitch them back up on deck to be further minced. I couldn’t help but think of the movement of the ship in the dark, of the slabs of blubber filling the space, slick with oil. I thought of how much oil would be tracked across the deck and how slippery it’d be, and how a man would have to keep his head cocked to one side for hours to work in there. I thought of how he would get to the fo'c'sle through the blubber room and how the work would be tracked all over the ship and find its way into every bunk. How it would be absolutely inescapable. I thought about the hot sick closeness of having no air down there, the heat from the tryworks radiating mercilessly from above, a crick in your neck, your double-edged boarding knife handle too slick.

Being there and overlaying that work within it was one of the closest times I felt to time travel. And as I try to make the Valor feel alive, to feel real, I always try to capture what I felt here in every panel, and push each one just a little more to get as close as I can to that place.

#asks #anonymous #awhalin #going to weather

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feyresdaughter · 2 years ago

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A Court of Wings and Ruin, chapter 29:

WE GOT FEYMOR, FEYZRIEL AND FEYSAND IN ONE CHAPTER

I made the gesture again, and Mor figured out enough of what was being said that she echoed the movement. Rhys laughed quietly and sketched a bow.

She doesn't even know what it's about, she just throws him a vulgar gesture because

"I could have used a chaperone around you, you realize." - "You had four of them in this house."

I LOVE THEM

I smiled as he finally reached the low front gate where Cassian waited, apparently using the momentary delay to stretch out his wings, to the delight of the half-dozen children now gawking at them.

Awwwww 🥺

“That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” Azriel let out a quiet laugh from where he sat atop a boulder

Thehehe poor pine tree gets attacked for no reason

“Judging by its size, I’d say it’s been there for … two hundred years at least.” I scowled, brushing off the shards of bark and my bruised pride.

They're so funny 😭

Including the tree I’d collided with face-first on my latest attempt to leap off the boulder and simply sail to the lake.

Giggling

I braced my hands on my hips, examining the drop, the trees, the lake beyond. “What did I do wrong?” Azriel, who had been sharpening Truth-Teller in his lap, flicked his hazel eyes up to me. “Aside from the tree?”

They're feeding me

“You are immortal,” he said quietly. “You are very hard to break.” A pause. “That’s what I told myself.” - “Hard to break,” I said glumly, “but it still hurts.” - “Tell that to the tree.”

“I know the drop isn’t far, and I know it won’t kill me . Can’t you just … push me?”

“No.” A simple answer.

SEE? HE NEVER PUSHED HER

The infernal tree rose up before me, and I swerved hard to the right. Right into another tree. Wings first. The sound of bone and sinew on wood, then earth, hit me before the pain did. So did Azriel’s soft curse.

Awww, baby

“Shit,” was all I could say as Azriel knelt before me. “You’re all right. Just stunned.” The world was still reordering itself.

He gives such big brother vibes here, it's adorable

“Will it ever stop?” he mused, more to himself than me as another finger joined the one sliding in and out of me with taunting, indolent strokes. “Wanting you— every hour, every breath. I don’t think I can stand a thousand years of this.” My hips moved with him, driving him deeper. “Think of how my productivity will plummet.” I growled something at him that was likely not very romantic, and he chuckled,

“I wish I had days to spend with you— like this ,” I managed to say as my eyelids drooped. “Just me and you.” - “We will.” He kissed my hair. “We will.”

YOU BETTER

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sukethson · 1 year ago

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Adhd meds didn’t work and i got bored and sketched this all out, and did some world building.

The Main Man :

Set was the lord of the Red-Lands and Upper Egypt to start. After Osiris got capped and he (rightfully) inherited the Throne of Lower egypt into his domain and power. The god of violence, expanded his influences as far as it could go before the disappointing end of the myth. Taking Kush, Punt, Canaan, edging into Parthia, tickling the feet of the Hittites, and standing firm in northern Africa, taking control of any and all trade of the Mediterranean south. Formally Creating the first Egyptian Empire from this:

To this!

Within his 90-80 year reign, Set grew his empire Substantially. Ruling over a multitude of different peoples, who gave him different names and accepted him into his pantheons (Baal, Hadad, Teshub, etc).

Set’s direct power over the southern Mediterranean brought extreme wealth to his new Egyptian empire, and an influx of slaves, diverse traders, peoples, and a wealth gap to be introduced to the former somewhat closed off kingdom of egypt. The poor were extremely poor, and the rich were extremely rich. Though, he introduced reforms, which the ancient world weren’t yet ready for, as I listed before in a previous post.

As you can seen the reasons Isis knew Horus could no win waging war or in a fight one to one was fairly simple. Set was Infinitely stronger than Horus, and he had hundreds of the thousands of men from different lands marching at his back, solely loyal to him as their great new god. Set does eventually get occupied with Horus battle stuff and cannot enjoy fighting at the two fronts of his expansion and was planning to conquer Mesopotamia before Horus challenges him pausing and effectively ending all expansion in his reign.

Egypt would never see such Expansive success again until the likes of his Grandson Rameses the Great.

…

At the end of the Myth there was massive losses to Egypt, returning it from empire to Kingdom, The gods agreed that the lands Set had rightfully conquered were not to he included in Horus’s inheritance (which pissed off the spoiled little shite), who proceeded to lose Punt due to his inexperience and mismanagement. Leaving the once massive empire looking more like this:

L Horus PERRR Usual! Set remain Lord of the red-lands for a another millennia or so, before eventually retiring to become Ra’s heir upon the sun boat, allowing for his Foreign people to be ruled by his descendants. The remains of his once great empire were ruled by Wepwawet, then Maga for some time, before giving it to the Mortal Kings of Canaan and Northern Africa, like Horus in egypt.

The Wives:

Set has many wives, but these are the Great wives:

Nephthys, Neith, Anat, and Astarte.

Nephthys is Set’s Great Wife to begin with, being the mother of the Most of his divine offspring and his first love.

After the Murder of Osiris she was admittedly afraid. (She is rather delicate when it’s other gods making the trouble, especially her world ending, unkillable snake and brother murdering husband).

She becomes depressed thinking of her windowed sister, having taken her place as Queen. Her pity had only festered with everyday, she having seen Isis sprinting after her trapped husband, and watched as Isis aggressively shaved her eyebrows off in a spell of horrid grief when she was unable to save him.

So she remains at Set’s side while Harboring as she worked to Isis back to a sense of sanity and reality , slowly becoming a insider to help her find Osiris’s body. Nephthys successfully does find the location….but Set wondering why his wife was being so distant discovers this, and tears up Osiris’s body, setting them back at square one. When he returns home to yell at her again, she’s already hit the ground running and books it out of Egypt with Isis and baby Anubis on Set’s ship. She does return to Egypt eventually keeping low and raising Anubis and Horus, before getting pregnant after Seducing Set into telling her secrets with the help of coitus, unconsenstually administered drugs and worrying amounts alcohol. (She is 1000% on all the registries).

—-

Neith becomes Great Wife a few years after Nephthys escapes. Before assuming the title she had spent her time seducing and distracting him from his search for Isis while Nephthys harbored her. Encouraging him to expand the empire and Has Sobek (who later eats a piece of Osiris, and gets jumped by Horus and Isis) to keep him happy. Once Nephthys leaves and she becomes great wife, she struggles to keep him from looking for the escaped trio, and ultimately fails when Set discover Horus’s existence and she just books it to Canaan while pregnant with Serket to escape Set’s wrath, and for the safety of her children, ultimately laying low until the final trial.

Anat and Astarte are set’s great wives only briefly after the end of his empire, producing Maga before Set’s reconciliation with Nephthys and Neith, which gets them unwilling deposed to lesser wives.

The Children

Set’s children throughout the Myth is:

Anubis, Sobek, Wepwawet, Maga, and Serket. (In order of birth)

Nephthys: Anubis, Anput, Wepwawet, and Bata (born after the original myth)

Neith: Sobek and Serket,

Anat and Astarte: Maga (they both act as his mother, in reality he is Astarte’s son, but Anat takes a role as his second mother, she bears no interest in bearing children)

Anubis and Sobek, were both once considered the heirs to the Empire’s before their disappearances with their fleeing mothers. Here I display the children each bearing a weapon gifted to them by their father, with a Serket bearing two lotuses in references of a personal head-cannon story of mine:

Set looks throughout his new empire, journeying across it as he looks for Isis and Horus. In his travels he comes upon Serket, while ignorant of their relation to each other, she unlike all others is unafraid of Him the slayer of Apep and Murderer of Osiris. She simply offers the Pharaoh a Blue Lotus, and Set perhaps wanting to be a prick or sensing the oddity of the little one. Crushes the lotus in his hand and mends it with sand squeezing the magic of the lotus from its leaves, before opens them to reveal a Scorpion, he gifts it to Serket, who accepts the creature and becomes it’s master.

Spent the whole school day writing lore instead of doing my work…ahaaaaa

#ancient egypt #nephthys #set #set x nephthys #neith #set sutekh #set x neith #setgodofchaos #god anubis #magah #maga #Serket #Sobek #Wepwawet #Ancient Egyptian mythology #personal canon #Personal lORE #MyCANNNON #need coffee

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scribblesartcollective · 2 years ago

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Before we jump into Jacob Lawrence, how do you feel about the long-form mini biographies? Too long? Too condensed? This one's a bit shorter and more career focused, better or worse? Jacob Lawrence was born in 1917 in Atlantic City New Jersey to parents who had moved North from the rural South. After his parent's divorce he was put into foster care in 1924, but he would meet her again at 13 in Harlem upon moving to New York. His mother enrolled him in after school art programs. This was meant to occupy his time, but would grow into something much more. He would learn under many prominent artists in the Harlem Renaissance including Augusta Savage. His work, lively portrayals of historical narratives and events as well as contemporary glimpses into black urban life and culture. In both, he was deeply interested in the stories and lives of the black diaspora. His unique approach garnered him much praise and success. His teacher, Charles Alston says of his work: "Having thus far miraculously escaped the imprint of academic ideas and current vogues in art,... he has followed a course of development dictated by his own inner motivations... Working in the very limited medium of flat tempera he achieved a richness and brilliance of color harmonies both remarkable and exciting... Lawrence symbolizes more than anyone I know, the vitality, the seriousness and promise of a new and socially conscious generation of Negro artists." In 1941, Jacob married fellow student of Savage and artist Gwendolyn Knight. They worked together and she would often assist him, gessoing panels and contributing captions. In 1943, Jacob was drafted into the Coast Guard during World War II. He painted and sketched while he served, but sadly, all 48 of the pieces he produced documenting the war and his experience, are lost. o prolific was Jacob, that many of his works are actually lost. Or at least partially. As he did works in series. But, just in the last few years (2017, 2020, and 2021 respectively) some panels have actually been recovered. Jacob also illustrated several children's books, including Harriet and the Promised Land in 1968 and 18 pieces for a collection of Aesop's Fables in 1970, full published with all 23 in 1998. He dabbled in teaching. First at Black Mountain College, then The New School for Social Research, Pratt Institute and the Skrowhegan School, by 1970 he was teaching at the University of Washington and was a professor of art there from 1971 to 1986.

He took many commissions during this time, and of course never neglected his personal works. One of his most extraordinary works was in 1980 when he completed a 40 foot long mural dedicated to academic endeavor, made of porcelain and steel called Exploration.

In his later years, Jacob and his wife, created the Jacob and Gwendolyn Lawrence Foundation for the Creation, Presentation and Study of American Art. With particular interest in promoting and emphasizing the works of black artists. You can use it right now, and search the archives. After a lifetime and hundreds of works under his belt, Jacob Lawrence continued to paint until his last days on earth. He died in the year 2000 from lung cancer at the age of 82. We really only scratched the surface of Jacob's work, both in terms of detail and in quantity. The body of work he created in his life is staggering. His work was both simple and complex, and never shied from the political while lacking in any lofty pretentiousness. It must be seen to be appreciated. If you would like to see his work, and learn about his life: JACOB LAWRENCE, HIROSHIMA SERIES Over the Line: The Art and Life of Jacob Lawrence

Jacob Lawrence and the art of radical imagination

Jacob Lawrence - MoMA

Jacob Lawrence - Smothsonian American Art Museum Jacob Lawrence - The Migration Series The MET - Jacob Lawrence: An Intimate Portrait, 1993 | From the Vaults

#Jacob Lawrence #Black Art #Black Artist #Black History Month #Black Art History #Painter #Dynamic Cubism

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unitedstatesofworld · 2 months ago

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The Mystery Unfolds: Hannah Kobayashi Found

When a story grips the heart, stirs emotions, and unites communities, it’s impossible to ignore. The case of Hannah Kobayashi, a young woman from Hawaii, encapsulated all these elements, becoming a tale of despair, hope, and resilience. For weeks, Hannah's disappearance after missing a connecting flight to New York cast a dark cloud over her family and the public. The rallying cry “Hannah Kobayashi Found” symbolized the collective yearning for her safe return. While her eventual discovery brought joy, it also raised pressing questions about the circumstances leading to her disappearance and her journey back to safety. The relentless efforts of her family, including her father, Ryan Kobayashi—who tragically passed away during the search—highlighted the power of love and community strength. Hannah’s story remains a poignant reminder of humanity’s capacity to rally together, even in the face of uncertainty and profound loss.

Who Is Hannah Kobayashi?

Hannah Kobayashi, a bright and charismatic young woman, was the picture of vitality. A 25-year-old aspiring artist from Seattle, she was known for her vibrant personality and dedication to her craft.

Passionate Artist: From painting abstract murals to designing digital graphics, Hannah's talent left an impression on everyone she met.

Active Advocate: She was deeply involved in community programs, championing causes such as mental health awareness and environmental sustainability.

Her disappearance sent shockwaves through her circles, leaving her family and friends clinging to hope as days turned into weeks.

The Day It All Began

Every story has its inciting incident, and Hannah’s was on a rainy Thursday in September.

The Last Known Location

Witnesses last saw Hannah at a local park where she often sketched landscapes. Her belongings, including her phone and sketchpad, were found abandoned on a bench.

Rainy Day Details: The weather seemed ominous, with reports of sudden downpours during the hours she went missing.

Initial Concerns: Friends noted she hadn’t shown up for a planned group dinner that evening, a rarity given her punctual nature.

The Search That Followed

The days after her disappearance saw an outpouring of support. Flyers, social media campaigns, and search parties became the norm.

Community Efforts

The hashtag #FindHannahKobayashi went viral, with strangers and friends sharing updates and encouraging others to look out for her.

Social Media Impact: Platforms like Instagram and Twitter played pivotal roles in spreading awareness.

Volunteer Involvement: Hundreds of volunteers combed through parks, neighborhoods, and trails in hopes of finding any clue.

Hannah Kobayashi Found: A Miraculous Discovery

After 18 long days, the breakthrough everyone had been praying for came.

The Key Lead

An avid hiker stumbled upon Hannah while exploring a secluded trail miles away from her last known location. She was disoriented but alive, clutching her sketchpad as though it were a lifeline.

Resilience in Adversity: Despite her ordeal, she managed to survive with limited resources, showcasing her grit and determination.

Medical Evaluation: She was immediately taken to a hospital, where doctors confirmed she was dehydrated but otherwise unharmed.

The Aftermath: Piecing the Puzzle Together

Once the initial relief set in, questions about her disappearance surfaced.

What Happened to Hannah?

Though she’s shared some details, Hannah remains tight-lipped about specific events. Authorities suggest she may have gotten lost while seeking inspiration for her art.

Speculative Theories: From foul play to a simple accident, theories abound.

Hannah’s Words: “I never lost hope. I kept thinking someone would find me, and they did,” she told a local reporter.

Lessons Learned

Hannah’s story offers a treasure trove of insights, especially about community spirit and resilience.

Strength in Unity: The collective effort to find her highlights the power of people coming together for a cause.

Mental Health Matters: Her disappearance also sparked conversations about stress, solitude, and the need for mental well-being.

Moving Forward

Hannah Kobayashi’s journey isn’t just about her disappearance and rescue. It’s about growth, healing, and reclaiming life.

Hannah’s Next Steps

Since her recovery, she’s expressed a desire to use her platform to inspire others. She plans to release a series of paintings reflecting her ordeal, turning pain into art.

Conclusion

The phrase "Hannah Kobayashi Found" isn’t just an end to her story; it’s a beginning. Her resilience, paired with a community’s unwavering support, reminds us of the strength found in hope and unity. As Hannah takes her next steps, she carries with her not just lessons from her journey but the love and faith of those who never stopped searching.

#ResilienceInAdversity #CommunityStrength #HannahKobayashiFound

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fmp2mt · 2 years ago

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Planning-

Storyboarding and Writing:

In this project, I wanted to put an increased perspective on the narrative. This is due to the more story focused route I am taking with it, wanting to develop character concepts and devising a world, all that can be made more compelling and nuanced through writing. This can be done in many ways, such as blurbs highlighting character actions or by writing full up descriptions. Yet, I wish to further this projects quality by creating a storyboard and making a short story based on it.

This scene has already been devised in the previous planning and development segment, “Main Character,” where I sketched it out and came into conflict with my consistency, leading me to research how to better compose my scene and characters looks.

This story will be short, only a few pages long, as it is is only a snippet of the bigger picture. By doing this, not only will I be adding diversity to my projects portfolio, but I will also be furthering my characters what is important in this more narrative lead FMP. Like an epilogue of a book, it will highlight a key part of the story, a cold open to the ideas that are to be explored in the story. This scene could later be used as a flashforward, intriguing readers of the project by throwing them into the thick of revelations allowing them to be shocked and interested in where the narrative could go, it will also add a mystery to consecutive chapters, where they wonder how this came to be.

The only oncoming problem I could see by delving into this is that it could take precious time away from my art, what I can only currently do in school due to my lack of computer and artistic utensils that i can use to develop it to a level I am happy with and believe could be my best work. Even now, my art is keeping me on edge, especially with the last projects leaving my artistic merits in flux as they seemingly warp to random levels of complexity and flair.

I believe this will be a simple and fun activity to participate in, adding more the my project and allowing it to be seen in another medium. This, though, will probably be the only one of its kind, as I will probably write the rest of the story based information in a summarized fashion so I am able to keep it all neat and tidy and to do it all in a timely manner, because if all of the story based writing was done to, for example, a novel level, it would be a few hundred pages long, which would be good for a different project that is more narrative focused, while fitting less in this artistic FMP.

In this Epilogue, I will use a range of vocabulary to try and make it distinctive and readable. This will include a wide range of verbs and adjectives. I also want to try and make it structured in a way that adds to the sense of confusion that the protagonist, Sven, is feeling by juxtaposing mechanical, robotic terms with that of human, biological ones. For this I have no direct reference eI wish to take from other than the research I did on Automaton, however implementing musical narrative with the narrative of the story might be a bit finicky.

While developing this Idea, I have added more than I expected to the written story compared to the drawn storyboards / comic. This is alright, as the drawn work had taken longer to produce and manufacture due to the increased time needed to make it viable, whereas with writing you can make far more in less time. Yet, I am no going to add more work to the drawn work, this is because it is unneeded, and my time will be better spent moving onto different areas of my project.

Finalisation: I am unhappy to say that I will not be able to finish off this project to a standard that I am pleased with due to time constraints and due to my own lack of skill or initiative. When I started this, I was excited for where it could go, but now I see it has become a failed dream to add to another, larger pile, of failed concepts.

This part of the project was to show character progression, advance my style and production planning while also showing how I could infuse story into my project to make it more interesting and versatile, but that has gone bust due to my lack of consistency and my fluxing style that changes from post to post. I tried to fix this by making a character sheet to show my character at multiple poses and in different clothing, but even after this, my work has once again divulged and changed once more.

My work was terrible and worthless, and it will stay as such as I move onto other parts of this project. This is a great disappointment after I had pleased myself with the characters original pose and look, and even after the less than stellar follow up of the main villain, but to come to this and so effectively be halted by lacking skills hurts to put it bluntly. This has quickly diminished all hopes for a good grade on this project, as it is now shaping up to be worse than other projects that lasted shorter with leagues less of information or research, what makes my thousands of words in research look worthless and pointless in acquisition. I could say that better planning would have lead to better results, but even I know that is wrong, no amount of planning could have saved this rubbish, because I was the one developing it, so it was duped from the start. Wherever I make a product this cycle plays out, bad to good, good to shit, shit to great and then a large trough of slop and waste.

By mothing on, I can leave this stain behind and move onto better venues, but I dread to think if they will turn out like this. A mere glance around shows that my work is subpar and worthless, so what hopes do I have to be hired? To do something with my meaningless hands? I could have chosen a hundred different subjects, and any would have flourished better than my dream, even now I am living in my failures shadows, and I am trapped in a pit

0 notes

ellitx · 4 years ago

Text

Beguilement | Albedo x Reader

Klee asks for Albedo’s help to make bombs with her.

word count: 2.9k

“What are you doing?”

Albedo peered at you from the corner of his eyes, raising an eyebrow why you were holding his cheek. His work ceased when he felt your warm hand touched his face, bringing down the papers on the desk.

“What am I doing?” You echoed with a slight tilt of your head. “I’m checking if you’re okay. You’re overworking yourself again.” You sighed, placing your hands on your hips.

“I’m not.”

He latched his gloved hand on yours and bring it down back to your side. “Hm…” Your [eye color] eyes had a tint of a doubtful frown as you pout. Seeing the Chief Alchemist stuck in his research lab worried you. It’s been a while since you’ve last seen him and that’s why you’re here today.

He didn’t mind when you waltzed in suddenly while he was mixing different kinds of herbs. He knew you wouldn’t cause a ruckus inside considering how dangerous his and Sucrose’s works are.

“Klee really wanted to play with you, you know.” You started and took a sit on a nearby chair in his workshop.

“And so are you.” He placed back the various types of equipment to their rightful place and chuckled when he noticed your cheeks reddened.

“I—!”

“Albedo!!” The door slammed open surprising the two teens. The said male felt someone glomped onto his leg. He looked down and saw the Spark Knight wrapped her little arms on his leg so tightly, her ruby eyes scintillating so brightly that was donned with a big grin.

“I saw the sign wasn’t in your door anymore!! Does that mean you’ll play with Klee?!”

Albedo rested his hand on the top of her head but threw a confused glimpse at her. He’s a hundred percent sure last time he checked, the “Experiment in Progress” sign was still hanging to let everyone know he’s busy.

His aquamarine eyes landed on you who was innocently reading his notes, awing at his written discoveries and sketches of a place you've never seen before. His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, heaving a sigh. The Kreideprinz knelt down before Klee and ruffled her big red hat whose eyes were bright as the sun and smile so innocent.

“Yes. My research is almost done so might as well take a break.”

Your ears perked up at his words and lifted your head away from the notebook. “If that’s so, then I wanna make more bombs with you!!” The child tugged his lab coat and pulled him to the table, laying her hefty backpack on the chair.

She let out her collection of bombs to the Chief Alchemist and stretched her arms to showcase her invention. “Ta-da!! I tried to make a different Jumpty Dumpty!” Albedo placed his fingers on his chin as he inspected the object.

You peered over his shoulder and eyes glimmered admiring the cute little red bunny device. “Woah!! This one seems different from your usual Jumpty Dumpty, Klee!” You leaned against him to get a closer look.

The blonde child giggled but let out a yelp when she felt that her feet weren’t touching the ground. Her small hands were now laying on your shoulder as you carry her small stature in your arms.

The Alchemist’s focus was now on the timer hidden behind Jumpty Dumpty, surprising him. “It’s dangerous if we keep the bombs here. How about we go to Stormterror’s Lair to test it out?” His suggestion made the two girls looked at him with sparkling eyes and nodded eagerly.

You put down Klee and helped her pack her stuff back inside her backpack. Both of you were chanting happily making the corner of his lips tugged upwards at the adorable scene.

“Well then,” He said, taking their attention. “Let’s get going.”

Before Master Jean scolds us. He said to himself, sweat dropping.

Both of you threw your arms in the air to cheer. Before you head off, you hung the strap of Klee’s bag on your shoulder and patiently waited for her to come to your side. She clutched your hand a bit tightly but one that won’t hurt you.

Albedo took his own satchel and kept his notebook and some other materials needed in their experiment. He left a little note for Sucrose, letting her know he’ll be away for a while in case she goes looking for him.

Once he was ready, the two girls were already outside the room sticking around until he appears. Klee beamed in delight and grabbed his hand tugging both of you together. She was in the middle while you and Albedo were by her side.

She started humming joyfully and marched towards the exit.

“Klee, Albedo, [Name], and Dodoco are off to Stormterror’s Lair!!” You chuckled at her cute declaration whilst she swung both of yours and Albedo’s arms, sauntering to the old ruins to do the experiments.

—

“We can try using flaming flower stamen.”

“Oh, you mean those burning flowers?”

Albedo nodded as he tinkered with the Jumpty Dumpties, and letting out the contents carefully on the cloth.

“There are few scattered around here, so it’ll be no problem for us to find one.” He lifted up his goggles, placing them atop of his head.

“Oh! Klee knows all the locations!!” The said girl jumped from her sitting position, raising her hand like how a student wants to be called by their teacher. “There are few around the lair and some almost at the end!”

“Waaah!! That’s Klee for you!!” You praised her as you pat her head fondly. She giggled hearing your flattery and clasped your hand with hers. “I’ll go look with big sis [Name]!”

“Ah, wait—!” But before the Chalk Prince can stop them, both of you were already running carelessly in search of the flaming flowers. He sighed in defeat and continued tinkering with the gadgets.

Not even a minute later, he heard a loud KABOOM and the cries of the hilichurls in the distance. Several monsters flew in the air and slowly dropped onto the ground while some slimes were running for their lives.

Thank goodness your vision wasn’t Electro or else the elemental reactions between yours and Klee’s attacks will cause massive damage to the ancient city.

Sighing for the umpteenth time, his focus went back on dabbling with the bomb, pretending he wasn’t involved with their mischievousness.

—

“Oh! We should bring some bone samples for Sucrose for her research!” You exclaimed, watching the hilichurls’ bodies disintegrate in the thin air. You picked up the arrowheads and some horns from the ground left by the monsters.

“Klee will gladly help big sis!” Your shoulders shake with laughter and ruffled her hair. “And I’ll happily accept your offer~”

“I think she’ll accept anything as long as their bones, right? I did see some of her collections…” You muttered to yourself as you looked around the area to find anything interesting.

“Does fish blasting work as well to find bones?” Klee questioned innocently whilst holding her Jumpty Dumpties in her hands ready to throw them away. “No, Klee. Fish blasting is not good. If Master Jean caught us, you’ll be confined again!”

“B-but… I’m sorry… Please don’t get mad at Klee.” She clamped her hands behind her back, eyes cast downwards turning glossy. Your heartstrings tugged and felt like an arrow pierce right through you, immediately feeling guilty at your words.

“Ah… Klee, I’m not mad! I was… I was worried about you, that’s all.” You raised her and carried the little girl between your arms and nuzzled your noses together. Her ruby eyes brightened up and giggled, slithering her arms around your neck to hug closer.

“I can’t bring myself to get angry at you and Dodoco! I cherish both of you!”

“Is big sis [Name] saying she loves me and Dodoco?”

“Absolutely!” You puffed your chest like a proud mom and rested one hand on your hips.

“Klee and Dodoco love you too!!”

The two of you shared a few laughter and wholesome moment. From the corner of your eyes, a camp of hilichurls spotted you both, ready to attack. You shared a glance with the Spark Knight then smiled, sharing the same ideas.

“Hilichurl bones would be a good sample for Sucrose’s research!”

—

The Chief Alchemist was busy gathering glands from the frogs, carefully extracting the mucous from them. Others would be grossed out seeing this, but for him— it’s almost like an everyday habit for him to perform this.

He became inquisitive and wondered where you and Klee are. You were just going to gather a few flaming flower stamens, why are you taking so long?

Too distracted from his concern for your state as well as Klee’s, he didn’t notice a figure creeping behind him. Albedo’s perception then blackened and a shiver ran down his spine when he felt something blew on his ears and whispered.

“Guess who’s back?”

His fingers wrapped around your wrist and gently pulled down your hand back to your side. His eyes were met with your own [eye color] gems as you smiled down at him.

“You’re finally back.”

“Bzz! Wrong!” Your arms formed an X, indicating his incorrect answer. The Chief Alchemist snorted at your childish antics, failing to see the Pyro-vision user jumped on him.

“Albedo, Albedo!! We brought the flaming flowers! Oh, and we also got these!!” The child poured out all the contents inside her bag and showed them to him like she won the biggest prize. Various materials were scattered all over the ground; masks, horns, arrowheads, scrolls, and a bone…?

“So that’s why both of you haven’t come back for a while.” He observed the items gathered together and nodded to himself. He didn’t dare questioned them what and why were there cartilages included.

His eyes caught onto the flaming flower stamen. The cores were still emitting heat even though it was already extinguished. This can be a good time to create a flaming essential oil. The needed ingredients were already here, all he needed to do was to create it using alchemy.

Good thing they don’t need to come back to Mondstadt just to make a simple potion, as long as the Chief Alchemist is with you, he can create anything. He put out a portable alchemic table— one of his inventions— and commenced to perform his alchemy.

You and Klee watched him crushed the stamen until it turned to small particles. He then poured the extracted frog’s gland and mixed it together. The scent was odd and strong making you almost puke. How in the world can this man handle the smell?!

Klee almost looked like she was about to faint as she held on to your coat to maintain balance. Albedo apologized and told you you can take the mint grass inside his satchel to get rid of the smell.

Wow, he’s already prepared…

It brought a smile to your face at the thought of it. You rummaged inside his bag and saw the mints were kept inside the ziplock pouch. You motioned for the little girl to come with you, straying away from the Kreideprinz’s works as to not ruin it, and opened the pouch letting the cool smell waft around you.

You both breathed a sigh at the refreshing air, forgetting the awful smell that lingered inside you minutes ago. Albedo was already done making the essential oil and attentively spewed the liquid in one of Klee’s bombs.

A small smoke emitted from it and he cautiously set the cover back to its place.

“Is it done?” You asked. The male shook his head and threw the device at an empty area to see the result. He told you to stay back as he used his geo skill to cast a shield to all of you. A sound of a clock ticking can be heard from it and the three of you patiently waited for the outcome yet nothing happened.

“Did it fail…?” Your question was answered when you sensed the ground shook and a massive outburst greeted your view. Your mouth gaped open in shock and awe, watching many sparks flew in the air almost resembling fireworks during Ludi Harpastum Festival.

Klee was the one who’s more amazed than you, her eyes wide open and crimson orbs sparkling in admiration at the tremendous explosion.

“Waah!! Klee has never created a big kaboom like this in her entire life!!” She faced Albedo and tugged his coat repeatedly. “Can you please teach Klee how to make that? Please please please pleeease with a cherry on top?”

The male furrowed his brows, slightly troubled whether he should accept it or not. He was quiet for a while, still contemplating his decision. His eyes darted to where you were standing to ask for help but when he turned around, you were gone.

In his rear vision, he noticed you used your elemental skill to stamped out the burning grass. His face paled and heart raced when you knelt down and slowly approached the small remains from the bomb to touch it.

Albedo immediately dashed towards you and extended his arm to reach for you. He screamed your name so loudly surprising you. You felt your hand heating up and your instincts kicked in telling you to run away, but even if you do so, a bright light has already blinded your eyes and ears ringing from the loudness of the bomb’s blast.

—

“What are you doing?”

You peered at the male from the corner of your eyes, raising an eyebrow why he was holding your cheek. Your hands stopped midway from the plate when you felt his warm hand touched your face, bringing down the spoon on the table.

“What am I doing?” He echoed with a slight tilt of his head. “I’m checking if you’re okay. Your face is red again.” He sighed and took out a thermometer to check the reading.

“I’m not!”

You latched your hand on his and bring it down back to his side. “Hm…” His turquoise eyes had a tint of a doubtful frown as he sighed. For some reason, this brought a sense of deja vu to him.

Your behavior was odd after the explosion incident. You’ve been so cold towards him, making him slightly worried. He knows it was his fault that caused you like this, but he didn’t expect you’ve been so hostile to him these past few days.

It’s like a sudden switch of personality.

Every time he checks up on you, you just puffed your cheeks and turn your head. He asked the other Knights of Favonius about your condition and all they said was you were perfectly fine.

How is this perfectly fine?!

“[Name]!!” The door slammed open surprising the two teens. The said female felt someone jumped onto her bed, making her stomach hurt at the sudden weight. “Klee is so worried about big sis! When I heard you were sick, Dodoco and I were going to give you gifts! Klee thought you were fine yesterday. Diona even said she saw you going to the plaza—“

“A-Ah— you and Dodoco brought me gifts? That’s so sweet of you! Ahaha..” Your nervous chuckle made the Chief Alchemist raised his brow at you in suspicion. You were fidgeting underneath the bedsheets and avoiding not looking at him in the eye.

“Klee, what did Diona said about [Name]?” The girl’s attention went to him before she could rummage inside her bag. “She said that she saw big sis walking around the plaza!”

“K-Klee!!” Your face flushed even more than before. You were stammering so much and you felt like the world was spinning around.

Albedo wanted to confirm his suspicions, and so he kept on pushing questions at the little girl, ignoring your attempts to shush him.

“What kind of gifts are you going to give to her?”

His question quickly made you sat up and threw your pillow to his face. “Th-that’s none of your concern!! It’s something private okay?!”

“[Name] told me if I can give her the bombs you made to me. I tried to copy what you did and she seems satisfied with it!”

Your hands were flailing in the air, not knowing whether you should continue pressing the pillow on Albedo’s face or to cover your face in embarrassment. You didn’t want to clasp your hands on Klee’s mouth to silence her, she might get hurt from your sudden actions!

Bombs? What is she going to do with those?

He snapped out from his train of thoughts then eyed you conscientiously. His brain connected the pieces of information together. The heat from your body, the smell of the mint grasses, and a faint of ash from it made sense. Especially how your body temperature dropped all of a sudden.

He grabbed your wrist and intertwined your fingers together as he pressed his forehead with yours. The close proximity between you two made your head go blank and your attention was solely on his eyes, mesmerized by their colors.

Klee naively looked at you two with a curious gaze.

Your body heat skyrocketed and your lips quavered after his words reached your ears.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you wanted me to take care of you instead of putting an effort to do this.”

Your shoulders shook in aggravation and embarrassment, smothering him with the pillows to shut him up.

“I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!!!”

Albedo just let your antics be, not bothered by the fact you’re slapping the pillow on him each word escaped from your lips.

His lips tugged upwards thinking he caught your trickeries once again.

reader was pretending she's sick just so he can take care of her lol

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact reader insert #genshin impact albedo x reader #albedo x reader #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact oneshots #genshin impact fanfictions #reader insert #xreader #albedo #elliwrites #short oneshot #klee genshin impact #klee

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monsterenergysimp · 4 years ago

Text

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats super cool actually

i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

[link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband imagine #corpse husband imagines #corpse husband x y/n #youtubers #caffeinated ramblings

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little-fairy-forest · 4 years ago

Note

WAIT. The (bnha) boys with a chaotic you-tuber y/n!!

like her content is like Drew Phillips or Enya Umanzor or Josh Ovalle or Danababy WHATEVER!

just a chaotic youtuber that does videos similar to them 😭😭

🍀hello! Honestly love chaotic people in general, there like a pick n mix. You never know what you will get but you hope its good

Boy's x chaotic youtuber!reader

Bakugou,Midoriya,Todoroki,fluff, gn!reader

Bakugou

He remembers how chaotic you were before you started dating. He would never admit he found it hilarious because those thoughts were over shown by the immense headache he got just by being in the same room as you

When you went slightly viral on tiktok for your chaotic videos you decided to start a youtube channel thinking only a few hundred people would find it and like your content

How wrong were you when you seen your number soar through the roof in only a few months! Bakugou was very proud to see your success

When you would do silly thing from making a cardboard castle and declaring war on the ducks in the park to playing human buckaroo on your sleeping boyfriend people loved it

You started to include Katsuki in your videos after he made a few appearances not by his choice and people loved his blunt attitude towards you

You started getting ship names and Instagram accounts that were so funny to loon through

Bakugou did not like how his reputation went from "strong" "handsome" "scary" to "soft" "simp" "funny" the last one caught him off guard since he isn't funny? Like his hunour compared to yours is very differnt but he enjoys your jokes..especially if they are directed at someone :)

When your merch gets released let's say a simple hoodie, he buys it. Refuses to let you just give it to him since?? Hello?? You need to recognition of your hard work??

He defends your name in any drama! Seriously if you are to get caught up in drama online he is the first to respond with receipts!

@bakugou_katsuki : Since you can't seem to find the amount of bullshit you are saying I have linked why you are wrong below 🖕🏻 *images linked below*

@bakugou_katsuki : wow imagine being such a low life you result into being a social media creep. Keep taking shit and you'll be catching these hands 💥

Your humour blends into the bakusquad perfectly! You and Kaminari are dangerous if your left alone.

You guys went to the store one day to get food for the dorms and you and Kaminari were somehow trusted to go get your own things...not to long after there was an intercom announcement made to the customers about your whereabouts

"Can the guardians of Kaminari and L/n please head to customer service"

Kirishima was crying laughing too see you both covered in tomato sauce and holding a lollipop as you both giggle as you're getting scolded by the manager

Katsuki did think it was funny...until you have him a bear hug when you seen him and he was covered in tomato sauce

Everyone loves how you both interact and theres countless videos on YouTube of your best moments! You have definitely sent katsuki a few just too see him blush~

Midoriya

Jesus did you stress Izuku out

He knew who you were, you were in Present Mic's music course and were known for your very good songs

Especially the funny music videos you had to make for some assignments...

When your last music video went public on youtube, it got so many views! Mic was very impressed at how funny but professional it was!

News got around the school of you and your youtube channel and Midoriya was interested, he generally hasn't laughed like that in so long after watching a few of your videos!

You also made sketches of absolutely nothing e.g. "how to intimidate a Segal" but the funniest one you done was "Bakugou Katsuki's sport festival screaming the remix"

Holy fuck was he pissed, loved the clout, but Midoriya felt so bad for laughing

When you both started dating you tried to convince him to join a few of your videos, he was hesitant but if it made you happy so be it :)

The latest one you both done was "Midoriya's ribs breaking to the sound of a xylophone"

He even made an appearance in your music video about heros...he was so precious when he watched it :) it was a montage of him and the dekusquad training that you managed to take video clips of when you watched them...his heart soared!

After this people knew you both were dating and it was so cute

Inko seen some of the videos that Izuku sent her..this lady wants you to marry izuku so hard! She's deffintly routing for you both so hard now!

Izuku has a little notebook filled with your video ideas and little sentences that he thinks would work well in a song...nothing rhythms but that's besides the point!

Everyone loves the effort Izuku makes in your videos and the admiration he has for your hard work ♡

Manages to get all might in a video 💀 yep went viral in mintues

Overall Izuku is your little sidekick in your adventures and people are the little simp he is...got nicknamed "simp shrimp"

Todoroki

Todoroki seen you a few times on his tiktok- which he only got since a few of his classmates were sending tiktoks into the class gorupchat and wanted to see the app for himself

I think he actually giggle at your videos a few times, like you made Todoroki giggle?! Wow you must be funny

He was curious about your youtube channel you have mentioned a few times before, when he went to go to go it he wasn't surprised at the amount of subscribers, seriously, your what? Gorgeous, funny, unpredictable- the full package

He seen that you went to a school not to far from u.a, a small school- but he recognized a few of the places you went to to film some videos

When you posted "asking strangers if they would kiss,marry or fuck all might" he was very surprised to see Bakugou watching your video whilst eating his lunch in the dorms

"Oh bakugou you find them amusing as well? That's another thing thing we must have in common, but on the online quiz to see if your compatible- your star sign isn't" he said whilst slurping his soba

You managed to run into Shouto when you were out getting food supplies for a video when you seen him buying soba

"Excuse me, what's the best brand to buy for soba? I'm not sure what to get" you ask Todoroki, "they're all good? No soba is bad" Todoroki says plainly

You asked Todoroki if he could show people his soba recipe in your video for your cook off your having with a few friends, Shouto agreed since he knew who you where and- seriously?? He is not going to pass the chance to be around you?? Hello?? Marry him??

After you filmed your next video you asked shouto to hang out some more since you really enjoyed his presence but you also may have a little crush on the boy :)

After many soba testing dates and little shenanigans you had along the way, you posted a tiktok with you and Shouto doing a 'couples' challenge to let people know that your dating...only moments prior did Shouto asked you out but he was itching to let people know to leave you alone about your love life since he was the one to get you first ;)

After many broken hearts in your comments and a happy Shouto reading through them as you both cuddle after you hurt yourself filming a tiktok prank on Iida leading him to injure your hand as he chopped his own- you needed some rest :(

People found your dynamic hilarious, like a crazy person who may be on acid and a quite aloof boy? Get these people their own tv show because you are hilarious, like you'd make a sexual joke and Shouto would correct you on your grammar? Or answer in an innocent way? So cute~

So many fan accounts dedicated to the both of you, Shouto loves watching them it fills him with so much joy :')

Took way longer then it should have so apologies!

It was nice and sunny yesturday so I was out enjoying with until I got sunburnt...

Please remember to wear suncream!

-> masterlist

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taehyungsgrowl · 4 years ago

Note

uhhhh duncan in prison angst 👀👀

hey 👋🏽

i’m sorry this took me so long to answer! but i did make a lil moodboard to go w it :•)

also i've written quite a bit of angst lately so this will be a little angsty, but also smutty.

long distance(?) old school version of sexting, really

hope y'all enjoy!

(yes, i did just discover the indention feature!)

warnings: angst if you squint, h*rny love letters, prisoners cat calling y/n, aaaand smut

word count: 3.5 k (i really don't know how this was supposed to be less than 1,000)

i don't love how this came out but the idea kept floating around in my head so i wanted to share!

Y/N didn't think what started as a harmless little experiment would show her just how powerful words could be.

She scrolled through row after row of photos on the 'write a prisoner' website on a boring evening just for something to do. And now each time she got a letter in the mail from him, her stomach would flutter.

Her finger stopped mid scroll as she came across the photo of the scruffy faced man with cheekbones carved by the gods and eyes clearer than the skies.

Duncan Shepherd.

Her eyes scanned his profile, learning that he was being held in a minimum security prison out of D.C for numerous white collar crimes, including bribery and extortion. He listed his interests as fine arts and finer wines. He'd be out for parole soon but was looking for a way to pass his time in prison.

Out of the hundreds of prisoners Y/N had scrolled past, none of them held her interest like Duncan.

It started off innocently enough. She grabbed a piece of paper from her drawer and her favorite pen and wrote him a simple introduction letter. Even if Duncan didn't seem like a dangerous or violent criminal, she felt a sense of adrenaline in writing him.

Duncan,

I hope this letter finds you well. I like to imagine you get a lot of mail sent to you. I read on your profile that you're a fan of the arts, I'd love to know more about you and what kind of art you enjoy. Truth is, I don't even know why I'm doing this, but figured prison must be lonely so I hope this helps pass the time.

I included a print of one of my favorite pieces of art to hopefully liven up your cell.

All the best,

Y/N

Y/N knew it wasn't much to start off with, but she had no clue what to send to a strange she knew next to nothing about. She printed off a print of one of Monet's Water Lillies and sealed it in an envelope with her first letter.

She let herself forget she sent the letter, not making any expectations. For all she knew, Duncan Shepherd wouldn't even reply to her. It would be hard to imagine that other people browsing the site would ignore Duncan's profile. His beauty, even in a mugshot was beyond compare.

But before long, she'd gotten a beat up envelope in her mailbox from none other than Duncan Shepherd. Excitement buzzed around her as she took a seat in her bed and tore it open.

Y/N,

Thank you for the lovely picture. I've got it hanging above my bed as a reminder of things I loved about my freedom. My mother has an original piece hanging in my childhood home. I remember staring at it for hours, enthralled by the beauty of it.

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the print in your envelope.

You know what they say about great minds.

Sometimes I wonder if my family would have let me pursue the arts if I'd be where I am today.

But I am eagerly counting the days until I am able to stroll through a museum in Paris again.

I am dying to know more about you. Tell me what makes up Y/N.

At the bottom of the sheet, was a rough sketch of a garden Duncan had drawn out for her.

The letters continued like that for a few weeks, slowly learning little bits and pieces of each other through writing.

She'd learned a lot about him very quickly. He told her about how troubles with his app and his powerful family led to him going to prison. And he also told her about all of the things he loved to do. Much to her surprise, she had more in common with him than she thought she would have,

Y/N,

We've been writing to each other for some time now and I must admit, curiosity is killing me. Not to mention, I do believe it's unfair that you've known what I look like from the start.

Tell me, did my photograph have anything to do with your interest in me?

I'd love to see you Y/N.

Y/N re-read the letter over and over trying to justify the butterflies in her stomach at the idea of Duncan thinking about her. Wondering what she looks like.

Duncan kept every letter Y/N had sent him using them as a way to fuel his daydreams of the woman behind the letters.

Y/N dug through her things in search of an old polaroid camera she had. - she thought Duncan would appreciate the use of instant film. Even if she felt a little silly doing so, she did her hair and makeup and searched her closet for the perfect outfit. In some way, this would be like Duncan's first impression of her. Little did she know, she'd already made a huge first impression with him.

She settled for a deep burgundy silk tank with a cowl neckline. She tossed her favorite leather jacket over it and put on her favorite dainty gold necklaces, letting them rest above her cleavage.

She made a little set up by the window in her room, where the light came in just right for a photo, and propped the camera up on a pile of books before setting it on an automatic timer to have it snap the photo of her.

She stared at the photo, smiling - happy with the results.

Y/N sat at her desk, writing him another letter and including her photo along with it.

Duncan opened his new letter from Y/N letting the photo fall from the envelope. He picked it up and stared in awe. He couldn't even focus on reading the words on the page as he stared at her picture.

In his mind, he expected her to be beautiful but was blown away by her photo.

He kept it safe, tucked under his pillow. He would take it out every night to look at it until he fell asleep dreaming of her.

Duncan saw her face... eyes clenched shut... pouty lips formed into a perfect "O" as her thighs surrounded his face.

He saw his hands traveling up her legs... kissing up her bare stomach... kissing her lips.

Everything felt so real.

Duncan woke up in a hot sweat from his over realistic dream. He could almost imagine her taste on his tongue.

The moon shone into his room giving him a sliver of silver light and he pulled her photo out, tracing his finger over her face.

He turned on the little lamp at his desk and sat down to write her back.

I can't tell you the time, but I believe it's past midnight and I can't sleep without dreaming of you.

Forgive me if I'm being forward, but I can't get you off my mind.

What I would give to be with you now...

Y/N, I want to feel your skin on mine. I imagine what it must feel like to have your lips pressed against my own.

I can't stop myself from thinking of all the ways I want to make you mine.

D.S.

I want to make you mine.

Y/N kept going back to those words.

If it weren't for the prison bars keeping Duncan away...

Her daydreams of spending the afternoons sipping coffee and strolling through colorful cities with Duncan began to change after the last letter. Knowing that he wanted her sent shivers down her spine.

I can't stop thinking about you either... Especially your last letter.

I want to know all the ways you'd make me yours.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it as well. I'm counting the days with you until you're able to get out and do just that...

Y/N colored her lips with her favorite lipstick and kissed the bottom of the page, leaving the perfect kiss mark on it.

She had unlocked something with Duncan with the last letter. Ever since he and Y/N started to exchange letters back and forth, he hadn't even bothered to open mail from other admirers. He only had eyes for Y/N.

Y/N.

Wish you could hear how your name falls off my lips as I chant it over and over when I bring myself relief - picturing your lips around my cock.

God.

It's hard to think clearly when you're on my mind.

You want to know of all the ways I'd make you mine? My hand would fall off by the time it took to write out each and every way I'd do that, sweetheart.

For starters, I'd love to skin my teeth into your skin. Leaving sweet love bites along your neck. Would you like that?

I wouldn't want you to worry about a thing.

You'd let me take care of you, right baby?

Maybe I'd tie up your wrists to make sure you keep still while I work on making you cum.

I hope you know I plan on keeping these promises the moment I get out.

Y/N touched herself as she read Duncan's letter again. His words making her pool between her legs. She dipped her hand into her panties and imagined everything Duncan described that he'd do to her.

Y/N wanted to do something special for Duncan.

She changed into a lacy lingerie set and grabbed her old camera again. Her heartbeat was beating fast with excitement. She held one hand up with her finger on the shutter and pointed it towards her bottoms. As she dipped her free hand into the waistband of her panties, she took the teasing shot of her hand inside her underwear.

Her cheeks felt hot as she took a look at the photo.

She took a few more. A few more teasing pictures - like the one she took wearing her leather jacket barely covering her - along with more R- rated photos.

She grabbed her small stack of photos and tied them with a piece of ribbon in order from least to most risque and added them to the letter she sent off to him.

Do you know what you do to me?

My letters make you touch yourself? What I would give to be able to see it in more than just your pictures. To be able to hear you for myself.

You don't know how much I loved your photos. You make my cock throb, thinking of just how much I want to fuck you.

I need to see you. Hear you.

How would you feel about coming to see me?

I can arrange with my assistants (the ones not in prison) to arrange a flight for you...

Please let me know what you think.

Love, D.S.

Love D.S.

"Shepherd. You got a call," the guard buzzed Duncan out of his cell and took him to the phone booth where the phone was waiting for him.

He wasn't expecting a call from his lawyer until later this week so he wasn't sure who would be calling him. Not like he and his family were on great terms at the moment.

Y/N tapped her foot anxiously on the other end of the call, trying to fight the nerves off.

"Hello?"

His voice was lower than she expected.

"Hi," she spoke barely above a whisper. "It's Y/N," she continued.

"Y/N? Y/N? Oh my god." Duncan smiled in a way he hadn't since he stepped foot into prison. "Your voice!" he laughed, "I'm hearing your voice! Wait, how? I - why? How?" he was at loss for words at the surprise.

"I hope it's okay. I called the office where I send my letters to and asked to call you," she bit her lip. "I like your voice."

Duncan chuckled, shaking his head. "Wow. It's so good to hear yours."

They knew they didn't have much time but they were both so wrapped up in the fact that they were hearing each other for the first time.

"I, uh, also wanted to talk to you about your... proposal from your last letter... about visiting you I mean." she paced back and forth in her room. "I'd like that. A lot."

His cheeks would be hurting from how hard he was smiling.

"You've got it, baby. We'll make it happen, I promise."

There was a brief pause, "Don't know how I'm gonna control myself when I have you in front of me, princess."

"Two minutes, Shepherd," the guard called over making Duncan roll his eyes.

"I have to go soon. But include your info in the next letter and I'll have my lawyers work something out with you, okay?"

"Okay," she smiled. "And Dunc, it's so good to hear your voice too,"

"You'll call me again?" he asked, desperation almost bleeding into his tone.

"Yes. I promise."

"Good." he grinned. "I'll talk to you soon. Bye, baby."

Over the next few weeks, Y/N and Duncan continued to have phone calls more often, but their letters never stopped. He got in touch with his attorney and passed along Y/N's information for him to follow up and help arrange a trip for her.

Before she knew it, she was being flown out in a first class seat to D.C.

They had her stay in a luxury suite the night before she got to finally meet Duncan.

The morning of, Y/N had piles of clothes tossed around the room as she searched for what to wear.

She'd known Duncan and his taste pretty well from his letters and phone calls to know what he liked. Y/N put on a baby pink silk mini slip dress that tiptoed the line between streetwear and lingerie, and strappy heels.

"Damn, baby. Haven't seen you around here..."

"Are you here for me?"

Along with countless other cat calls flooded her ears as the guard led her to Duncan's cell.

Duncan heard the commotion down the hall and he knew Y/N would be there any second. He frowned, wanting to take her away. None of those creeps deserved to even look at her, and here they were harassing her. It was his fault for bringing her there. He tried to tune them out, wanting to be okay when he saw Y/N.

Y/N was standing behind the guard as they came to Duncan's cell.

"Follow me, Shepherd. You both have an hour," the guard let Duncan out and he could finally lock eyes with Y/N.

She froze, finally seeing. His photo on the website did him no justice. The piercing stare of his eyes couldn't be recaptured on camera. His pink, full lips were even prettier in person.

"Hi," Duncan broke the silence between them. He was handcuffed immediately so he couldn't touch her the way he wished he could have right away.

But they were taken to the parloir where they would finally have some sense of privacy. Duncan's lawyers had worked out for this conjugal visit. They might have slipped the guards a few extra bills to ensure Duncan and Y/N had extra privacy for a moment. But Duncan had been a model prisoner (in one of the comfiest prisons in the country), so the guards had no reason to say no.

"One hour." he reminded Dunc, as he removed his handcuffs and left the room, leaving Y/N and Duncan alone.

"You're here," he closed the gap between them and embraced her. She smelled even better than he imagined.

"Duncan," she smiled with tears in her eyes, "I can't believe it's really you," she giggled.

"It's me," he pulled back, holding her hands as he admired her. "God, you're gorgeous."

Y/N couldn't help herself. She threw her arms around Duncan and kissed him.

Duncan stumbled back a little before steadying them. He cupped her face and deepened the kiss. He could feel her pulse quickening under his hand.

"God, can't believe you're here," he mumbled against her lips.

It'd be so long since he'd be this intimate with anyone - let alone someone he liked so much. He tried to push back the thoughts of the ticking clock counting their time and the cold industrial feel of the room they were in.

"I'm here... I'm yours," she tangled her fingers in his hair before kissing him again.

Duncan led her to the table, setting her on top of it. He towered above her, his hands on her thighs, slowly inching up her dress. She was everything he imagined and more.

"Open your legs for me," he instructed, parting them open.

He lowered himself until he was face to face with her dripping cunt. Her panties, if they could even be called that - they were a piece of barely-there cloth - were soaked. Duncan pressed her lips to the wet spot on her underwear and kissed it slowly, letting his tongue poke out through his lips and coat them with his saliva as well.

"Taste so sweet," he murmured, pulling her panties aside and putting his tongue on her wet pussy.

He lapped her wetness with his tongue, letting it massage her clit. Sucking and kissing her - watching how every move he made caused a different reaction from her.

Y/N tried to keep quiet, biting down on her lip to stifle her moans.

Duncan peeked up at her, holding in her sounds. He remembered the way the other prisoners hollered at her.

"I wanna hear you, baby. Please," he begged. He kissed along her thighs, "Want everyone in this god damn prison to know you're mine."

Y/N let the sounds she was holding in fall freely.

"Duncan. Duncan..." she called his name over and over getting closer to the sweet relief his tongue promised.

"Cum for me, sweetheart."

Duncan felt her heels digging into his shoulder blades as she trembled, finishing on his lips.

"Good girl," he praised, kissing along her thighs.

Duncan stood up as Y/N watched him with her hands pressed on the table, leaning back slightly to watch him.

"What?" Duncan chuckled, slowly undoing his jumpsuit.

"Just can't stop looking at you! You're real!" she laughed.

"Sure am," he grabbed his shaft, closing the gap between them. "I don't know when we'll be able to see each other.. like this again," he leaned down to kiss her. "Wanna make sure I make you feel good,"

He rubbed the end of his cock against her pussy. "Are you ready?"

"Waited so long," she whined, nodding her head.

Duncan pushed inside her, slowly. Savoring the way he stretched her open.

"Fuck," he groaned. "You're so tight," he panted, feeling her clench around his length.

He focused on the way he snapped his hips into hers, keeping a steady pace trying not to finish before she did.

But it had been so long. It had been a long time coming for this moment.

His head was in the crook of her neck, panting heavily. "Fuck, baby." he sunk his teeth into her soft skin. "Gonna cum," before he could finish his statement, he shot his load into her.

He stayed inside her as he rode out his orgasm.

Flushed Duncan faced her; embarrassed for finishing before he wanted to. "I'm sor-" she stopped him by pulling him in for a hard, deep kiss.

She pushed his hair out of his face, bumping her nose with his, "Nothing to be sorry for."

She had Duncan lay on the floor, using his jumpsuit to hold his head up, and then straddled his waist.

Her silky mini dress was bunched around her hips. Duncan found himself getting hard again as she climbed on top of him.

"Thought about doing this for so long," she kissed him. "Can't tell you how often I touched myself reading your letters... thinking about riding you," she sighed, positioning herself over his cock and sinking down.

She rode his cock, bouncing up and down his length. Her nails dug into his chest as she used it for support. The curve of his cock hitting her core made her eyes roll back with each roll of her hips.

Hot sweaty bodies had the coldness of the room forgotten.

Y/N grabbed Duncan's hands, intertwining their fingers, "Gonna.." she started, her legs shaking as her movement got sloppier.

"Me too," he grunted.

She felt Duncan fill her to the brim for the second time.

After a few moments of stillness, Y/N finally stood up, helping Duncan up with her. Her legs were shaky and Duncan helped her sit down.

She reached into her purse for a rag she brought. Duncan took it from her hand and got on his knees again. He cleaned their cum off her thighs, stopping only to give her small little kisses on her legs.

He heard Y/N sniffle and looked up, concern painted across his face. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Is she regretting it? He thought.

"No! Of course not," she sniffled again, "I just wish... you could come with me. Leave this place with me."

"Oh, baby," he stood up and kissed her forehead. "Soon. I promise," he tilted her chin up to kiss her.

And Y/N knew he meant what he said. Soon they'd be able to be together all the time, but it still broke her heart to leave and have to see him stay behind the metal bars.

tags:

@desertsunflower00 @celestialrequiem @dhampiravidi @ritualmichael @blakescoven @dark-mei-rose @xavierplympton @langdonswhoreprobably @feralthoughtdump @wroteclassicaly @melodylangdon @bloodcoatedeclipse @kitty4860

bonus: screenshot from a very good point drunk!anon made vkfsjk

#duncan shepherd #duncan shepherd smut #duncan shepherd angst #duncan shepherd x reader #cody fern #house of cards #hoc #i didnt know who would like to be tagged or not so lmk if i need to make changes to the tl #thank you!!!#submission

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oikawaplssteponme · 4 years ago

Text

Incomparable Beauty

pairing: Izuku Midoriya x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: sfw, mention of insecurities

genre/AU: fluff, light academia (?) [i highly recommend imagining Izuku in light academia fashion, including some glasses ;) ], aged up characters [third-years]

word count: ~3.4K

synopsis: The young and talented photographer, Izuku Midoriya, is searching for a muse for his next entry in an art gallery. Of course, there seems to be one person who inspires him most of all.

a/n: hi hi <3 shoutout to my lovely 🍥 and ☕️ anons for requesting/helping me figure out this izuku fluff! i am really proud of this so i hope you all like it <3 reblogs are super helpful and id love to hear your thoughts on it. enjoy xx

•························•························•

Izuku Midoriya looked up at the golden-pink sky. He stared into the abyss, hoping to think of something worth capturing. He adjusted the thin glasses that rested upon his face. He sighed and sat up, grabbing his notebook. Inside were hundreds of scribbles, sketches, and ideas that never seemed good enough. He looked to his right, where his camera laid. He wished that it could just take the pictures itself and create something jaw dropping. Still, a camera is nothing without a photographer. Furthermore, a photographer is nothing without a muse.

Izuku gathered his things as he headed back inside, making his way to his dorm. He was frustrated. He only had one week left to submit something into the Tokyo Gallery for Promising Artists, and even then it wasn't a guarantee that he would be selected. Maybe he should send an old piece he thought. He did have a few that he was proud of, but unfortunately, none of them fit the required theme of the gallery.

Izuke had his hands full as he attempted to open his dorm room door. You were making your way up the stairs when you spotted him. Izuku dropped his notebook, loose pages now scattered across the floor. You rushed over.

“Great…” he sighed. You quietly began to pick up the sheets of papers. Izuku froze.

“Midoriya, here,” you smiled, handing him his notebook. His cheeks flushed a rosy pink. He took his notebook back with shaky hands.

“Thank you Y/N.”

“Is all that for the gallery? I heard that you were entering,” you smiled. Izuku chuckled.

“It is but by the looks of it, I won’t be submitting anything. I still haven't come up with anything good enough,” he explained.

“Well don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure inspiration will strike you soon enough,” you reassured him, “you’re a brilliant photographer after all.”

Izuku's face was now a bright red. He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

“T-Thank you again. Well-uh- goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Izuku.”

You walked away to your dorm as Izuku entered his own. He set all his things down and began to fan his burning face. He has known you for about three years now, yet he still can’t find the courage to get closer to you. You flustered him to no end, without even trying. Your voice, your smile, your laugh, your heart; Midoriya simply couldn’t get enough. You were so beautiful in all ways possible.

Midoriya looked at the printed flair pinned to his wall.

Those interested in applying to the Tokyo Art Gallery must follow the theme below in order to be considered.

The prompt read as follows:

‘Capture beauty in its purest form.’

Beauty, thought Izuku. Almost everything is beautiful. The way the sun rises and falls each day is beautiful. How Inko called Izuku every night at exactly 7:30 was beautiful. The friendships that Izuku cherished were beautiful. Then, there was you. Izuku’s mind couldn’t help but wonder to the thought of you in relation to beauty. Now you were truly beautiful.

Izuku soon had an idea.

The following day you found yourself sitting on one of the garden benches. Your classes were finished and you decided that some fresh air might do you some good. You basked in the warm sunlight, as if you were a precious flower that needed it to survive.

Izuku figured that you would be in the academy garden, so he made his way over there. His camera hung around his neck as he held tightly onto his notebook. With a shaky hand, Izuku tapped your shoulder.

“H-Hi Y/N,” he smiled nervously. You greeted him happily, gesturing for him to join you on the bench.

“Hi! Something wrong?” you questioned. Izuku looked like he was sick.

“Oh no, nothing’s wrong. I just-uh- wanted to ask you something…”

“Alright, what is it?”

Izuku set down his notebook next to his side. He held his hands together staring at them.

“Could I take your picture for the Tokyo Gallery?”

Your eyes widened at his request. The best and most handsome photographer in all of UA Academy of the Arts wanted to take your picture.

“You want to take a picture of me? I-I’m no model Izuku…”

“You’ll do great! I have this idea in my mind and it has to be with you.”

Now you were the nervous one. You weren’t one who particularly liked getting their picture taken.

“What if I mess it up? I’d hate to be the reason you don’t get accepted…”

“If those critics reject me, they’re just dumb. I promise it would have nothing to do with you. Please Y/N?” Izuku carefully took your hand with his and stared deep into your eyes. Gosh, how could you say no to him when he looked at you like that.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” you smiled. Izuku squeezed your hand and jumped up from where he sat.

“Thank you Y/N! I promise it will be perfect. Mind if we shoot tomorrow?”

“That sounds good to me.” Izuku smiled so brightly he outshined the sun. He grabbed his things once more.

“Meet me here at noon tomorrow. Try to wear a neutral colored shirt, okay?” he said. You nodded.

“Okay.”

Izuku ran off, leaving you alone in the garden. You soon felt a large pit in the bottom of your stomach.

You stood before the full length mirror of your dorm. You stepped closer to it, examining every detail of you being. A photoshoot? Not only that, but a photoshoot of just you. No way to hide behind anyone or fade into the background. It would be a picture of you. The pit in your stomach only grew. You stared into the mirror, almost hoping the reflection would change into someone else. Someone who would appear beautiful in an enlarged image. Certainly Izuku could’ve asked any other girl to be his model, but insisted that it had to be you. You didn’t understand why. You didn’t view yourself as beautiful in any form. So how could he?

It was close to noon and you should be heading to the garden to meet Izuku. You put on a neutral colored tank top as Izuku requested and finished applying some natural makeup. Your hands shook as you held the brushes. Hopefully your nerves would cease by the time you got to the garden.

Izuku had been setting up since early in the morning. He created a handmade crown of white baby’s breath for you to wear and arranged his backdrop. He set up his lighting and sun reflectors exactly where he wanted. You had been standing by one of the bushes for a few minutes, afraid to interrupt him. He was so in his element. The sleeves to his button down rolled up to his elbows. His dark sunglasses covering his eyes. His beige colored paints stained green at the hem from working in the grass, same with his off-white sneakers. You honestly thought he looked beautiful.

“Hi Izuku,” you said. Izuku jumped then turned to look at you.

“Oh Y/N you’re here, perfect! Y-You look great,” he smiled. Your face grew warm.

“Oh thank you. So, what’s the plan?” Izuku moved his sunglasses to his forehead, pushing back his fluffy green hair.

“So, your job is fairly simple. I’m gonna have you sit on this stool and hold onto this bouquet of flowers. Since it's just me out here I’ll be messing around with the equipment until I find the right lighting and all that. All you need to do is keep the pose I tell you to, okay?” he explained. You nodded.

“What is the theme for this year’s gallery?” you asked. Midoriya flinched.

“Oh it’s um...nature…” he muttered. Nature? Why doesn’t he just take a picture of a tree and call it good? What does he need you for, you wondered.

Izuku set down the stool in front of the garden wall and you sat down. He grabbed the bouquet and handed it to you. He then placed the crown uptop of your head. He carefully arranged it to rest effortlessly on you. His nimble fingers were delicate as they touched your head, then moved to your cheek without him thinking. Izuku’s index finger now rested under your chin as you looked up at him. With a burning face and widened eyes, you wished to never look away. Out of flustering embarrassment, Izuku took his hand back.

“Yeah um so for the pose I’d like you to be looking slightly to the side with your chin tilted up just as I had it. Then with the flowers have them close to your cheek. I’ll probably tell you to switch out poses here and there but that's a good place to start. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Izuku walked back and grabbed his camera. Your heart was pounding out of your chest. You tried to keep yourself calm with a few deep breaths.

“Ready?” asked Izuku. You nodded.

“Ready.”

The first click of the camera and flashing lights was the most startling. You soon got used to it, following whatever instructions Izuku gave you. You moved your head and hand placement, soon feeling more comfortable with everything.

“Yes that's perfect...keep doing that…” Izuku blurted out whatever thoughts came to his mind as he captured you on film. His encouragement was honestly what made your heart race.

“Now lower the bouquet so I can see your pretty face…yeah just like that Y/N…”

Midoriya didn’t even realize what he had said until the words left his mouth, but he didn’t care. He meant it.

“Okay now open your eyes and look slightly towards me, parting your lips a bit…”

Izuku snapped the picture then froze. He looked down at the small digital image.

“So beautiful…”

“Hmm?” You questioned. Izuku snapped out of the trance that he was in. He chuckled nervously.

“OH-the pictures look really good that's all. I think we are good,” he said. You let out a sigh.

“Oh good. That was honestly pretty exhausting.”

“I really appreciate you letting me use you for the gallery. I already know the final product is gonna turn out amazing,” he cheered. You smiled.

“It’ll be amazing because you are amazing,” you said. Izuku blushed.

“So are you.”

You took off the crown and returned the flowers to Midoriya. You helped him put away his equipment before the two of you headed back inside.

“Um Y/N, did you maybe want to grab something to eat?” he asked. You smiled.

“I’d love to, just let me change first,” you chuckled.

“Oh yeah of course.”

You dropped off the equipment at Izuku’s dorm before heading to your own. You slipped on a green sweater and some sweatpants before finding him again.

You and Izuku went to the dinning hall, each of you picking up a bowl of ramen. You decided to eat outside on the balcony.

“How do you think the pictures turned out?” you asked.

“Honestly, really good. You did amazing,” he smiled. You looked down at your food.

“I was honestly super nervous for them. Couldn’t you tell?”

“Not at all! You were a natural out there! I really think this will be some of my best work yet,” said Izuku.

“I’d love to go to the gallery with you,” you whispered. Izuku’s eyes widened.

“I was planning on taking you regardless,” he replied, “thank you by the way.”

You tilted your head.

“For what?”

“For always believing in me. I probably wouldn’t be a photographer if it weren’t for you.”

In Izuku’s first year, he was at the bottom of his class. He knew he wanted to do photography, but couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. He was so frustrated one day that he even said that he would be dropping out and quitting forever. You convinced him not to, to keep trying. You saw his talent when no one else could. Even when he couldn’t. From that day forward, Izuku worked to become the best young photographer in all of the Shizuoka Prefecture.

“Well I knew that you could do it, and I was right,” you teased.

“You’re great Y/N, seriously,” he said. You looked at Izuku, your face growing hot.

“I don’t know about that…”

“What? Come on, you’re smart, you’re kind, you’re talented, and you always seem to know what to say. You’re incomparable.”

“To what?”

“To anything. You’re incomparable to anything because you’re you.”

Midoriya had to stop himself from saying anymore, for fear of spilling his whole heart before you. He meant it however. Nobody compares to you.

You swirled your noodles around in their bowl. The pounding in your chest came back. You locked eyes with Izuku.

“You’re incomparable too.”

Izuku spent every waking moment arranging his piece for submission to the gallery. He was always found in the art room, either photoshopping or preparing the flowers to be pressed. Once the image of you was edited to his liking, he developed a large scale version of the picture. He enjoyed putting the pieces together. From hand pressing the flowers to finding the perfect frame to keep it all in, he has created a masterpiece. All thanks to his muse.

You roamed the empty halls of the school in search of Izuku. You hadn’t seen him all day, assuming he would be in the art room. It was late, he honestly should be asleep. You stood in front of the art room door and carefully opened it up.

Izuku was fast asleep on one of the desks. The large photograph was wrapped and ready to be sent to Tokyo. You quietly walked over to him, tapping his shoulder.

“Izuku? It's late, you should go to your dorm,” you whispered. Izuku groaned. He opened his eyes and stretched his arms out.

“What time is it?” he yawned. You chuckled.

“Close to eleven. You should get some actual rest. You have to go to Tokyo pretty early tomorrow.”

“R-Right...the gallery…”

You could hear the exhaustion behind his voice. You grabbed his hand, helping him up.

“Come on, let's go.” You held Izuku’s hand as he lazily walked to the dorms. You led him to his room.

“Goodnight Y/N…”

“Goodnight Izuku,” you smiled. Izuku scratched his messy hair, giving you a weak smile. Without thinking, you leaned in placing a quick kiss on his cheek, before rushing to your own dorm.

Izuku stared at the letter on his desk. He had received it hours ago yet was too nervous to check. It was addressed to him by the Tokyo Art Gallery.

He took a deep breath and grabbed the letter opener from his desk, carefully gliding it across the envelope. He took out the folder paper and opened it up. Izuku ran to your room.

You jumped from your bed when you heard the pounding on your door.

“Izuku? Everything okay?”

He didn’t say anything, simply handing you the letter.

“Is this…?”

“Read it.”

You caught your breath, peaking at the paper.

‘Dear Mr. Midoriya,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the Tokyo Art Gallery for Promising Artists! Your piece titled…’

You didn’t finish reading the letter. Instead, you jumped into Izuku’s arms.

“I knew you’d make it! I’m so proud of you!” you cheered. Izuku hugged you tightly, laughing with joy.

“It’s all thanks to you, I couldn’t do it without you,” he whispered. You looked at Izuku, your hands on his shoulder as he held onto your waist. His face blushed red.

“Oh sorry-” he mumbled, removing his grip from you. Your face burned.

“I-It’s okay...congratulations Izuku. You did it,” you smiled. Izuku took your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“We did it.”

It was the day of the gallery showing. You were beyond excited to see all the beautiful artwork, specifically Izuku’s. You still hadn’t seen the final product.

You were dressed and ready, waiting for Izuku.

“Sorry I’m late-”

Izuku came rushing down the stairs to meet you. He looked devilishly handsome in his light grey suit and black turtleneck underneath. He prompted for some beat up black sneakers today.

“That's alright… you look nice,” you smiled. Izuku blushed.

“Says you..you look...wow…” He could barely form a sentence you were so breathtaking.

“Oh stop…”

“Shall we?” Izuku held out his arm for you to take. You did happily.

“We shall.”

The two of you rode the train to Tokyo, arriving at the gallery just before it was open to the public.

“Mr. Midoriya,” said one of the gallery workers, “your art is on the third floor.”

“Thank you.” You and Izuku made your way up the stairs, searching the room for the photo.

“Oh here it is,” smiled Izuku. The large photo was covered up and had velvet rope to stop anyone from getting too close.

“Wow, they must’ve liked yours!” you exclaimed. Izuku blushed.

“Well I didn’t tell you but it actually got nominated for best portrait of the gallery…”

“WHAT? Izuku, that's amazing!” you gushed.

“Yeah so some judges will take a look at it later on and hopefully we win…”

“Doesn’t matter if we win or not. I know it's the best one here,” you smiled.

You soon heard footsteps make their way up to the third floor.

“Showtime,” whispered Izuku. You took a step back from the portrait and watched as Izuku removed the curtain that covered it. The room filled with awes.

Izuku decided to go with the last picture that he took, the one where you seemed to have taken his breath away. You were entirely in black and white, only color coming from the flowers atop of your head and in your hand. Also, the pressed flowers that surrounded you. Izuku covered up the garden wall with pressed roses, daisies, lilies, and sunflowers. You looked like an angel.

You took a few steps towards the picture, reading its title.

‘Incomparable Beauty’ - Izuku Midoriya

You couldn’t seem to find the words, none of them seemed to be right. You backed away from the portrait before bumping into someone.

“Oh I’m sorry-” you said. They smiled.

“Don’t worry about it. Wait...you’re the model in that photo,” they replied. You gulped.

“Um yeah I am…”

“Well tell your photographer that they did an excellent job, really captured the gallery theme.”

“The nature theme?” you questioned. They tilted their head.

“No, the theme was ‘Beauty in its Purest Form’. Really great work.”

Your eyes widened.

“Uh-excuse me-”

You began to shuffle through the crowd of people. Izuku noticed you make your way towards the exit.

“Y/N? Y/N!”

Izuku followed you down the stairs. You rushed outside, breathing in the fresh air. Izuku grabbed onto your arm.

“Y/N what's wrong?” pleaded Izuku, “did you not like it?”

You shook your head. Tears began to gather in the corners of your eyes.

“No Izuku, I loved it. I really loved it,” you sniffled. Midoriya felt a wave of relief wash over him.

“Why did you run?”

“Because...I didn’t recognize myself...I looked-”

“Beautiful. You look beautiful,” he interrupted.

“Y-You think I’m beautiful?” you cried. Izuku wiped away your stray tears.

“Y/N, I think you are the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out. Y-You’re my muse.”

Izuku cupped your face as you tried to hold back anymore tears.

“You made me look beautiful…”

“No Y/N, you are beautiful. I simply clicked the camera.”

Izuku pulled you into a tight hug, holding the back of your head gently. There was something about the way Izuku made you feel. As if you were the only girl in the world.

“I love you,” you whispered. Izuku’s eyes grew. He moved to face you, a smile creeping onto his face.

“I love you.”

Izuku placed his hand onto your cheek, feeling your soft skin. He began to inch closer to you. You couldn’t wait anymore, the anticipation killing you. You collided your lips with his, wrapping your arms around him. He had one hand on the small of your back as the other held the back of your head. Izuku took mental pictures of this moment, wishing to relive it over and over again. The warmth between the two of you in contrast to the cold air that surrounded you. It was a tornado of emotions.

You looked at Izuku, both of your faces burning and you attempted to catch your breath. You pressed your foreheads together, chuckling softly. Izuku kissed your forehead.

“You really are incomparable.”

•

[MHA taglist: @bibly @big-phat-cat @sapphoscolonoscopy @luluwiie @happyheartsss @lealofsblog @iwaisa @bakugousmymassa @evivn1 @tetsoleil @bokutory @vangoghmusings @moonlightaangel @misszenin @marajillana @sopesmin @alaina-rose13 @shotoful @runrabbitrun3 @katlingclaw @nerdypuppytimemachine ]

#willow.🌸#mha #bnha #my hero academia #deku x you #mha deku #deku x y/n #deku x reader #deku x female reader #mha izuku #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #izuku x you #bnha izuku #izuku x y/n #izuku fluff #izuku midoriya x you #izuku midoriya x reader

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dwellordream · 3 years ago

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“To understand what friendship between women was, we must first understand what it was not. Before turning to the ways in which female friendship illustrated the play of the Victorian gender system, we must develop grounds for distinguishing it from other relationships between women. This is a detour, for the subject of this chapter is female friendship; erotic desire and marriage between women are the focus of subsequent sections. But friendship, erotic infatuation, and female marriage have so often been conflated, and women’s relationships so commonly understood as essentially ambiguous, that the detour is a necessary one.

The language of Victorian friendship was so ardent, the public face of female marriage so amicable, the comparisons between female friendship and marriage between men and women so constant, that it is no simple task to distinguish female friends from female lovers or female couples. The question “did they have sex?” is the first one on people’s lips today when confronted with a claim that women in the past were lovers—and it is almost always unanswerable. If firsthand testimony about sex is the standard for defining a relationship as sexual, then most Victorians never had sex. Scholars have yet to determine whether Thomas Carlyle was impotent; when, if ever, John Stuart Mill and Harriet Taylor consummated their relationship; or if Arthur Munby and Hannah Cullwick, whose diaries recorded their experiments with fetishes, cross-dressing, and bootlicking, also had genital intercourse.

Just as one can read hundreds of Victorian letters, diaries, and memoirs without finding a single mention of menstruation or excretion, one rarely finds even oblique references to sex between husband and wife. Men and women were equally reticent about sexual activity inside and outside of marriage. In a journal that described her courtship and wedding in detail, Lady Knightley dispatched the first weeks of wedded life in two lines: “Rainald and I entered on our new life in our own home. May God bless it to us” (173). Elizabeth Butler, whose autobiography included “a little sketch of [her] rather romantic meeting” with the man who became her husband, was similarly and typically laconic about a transition defined by sexual intercourse: “June 11 of that year, 1877, was my wedding day.”

The lack of reliable evidence of sexual activity becomes less problematic, however, if we realize that sex matters because of the social relationships it creates and concentrate on those relationships. In Victorian England, sex was assumed to be part of marriage, but could also drop out of marriage without destroying a bond never defined by sex alone. The diaries and correspondence of Anne Lister and Charlotte Cushman provide solid evidence that nineteenth-century women had genital contact and orgasms with other women, but even more importantly, they demonstrate that sex created different kinds of connections. The fleeting encounters Lister had with women she met abroad were very different from the illicit but sustained affair Cushman had with a much younger woman who became her daughter-in-law.

Those types of affairs were in turn worlds apart from the relationships with women that Lister and Cushman called marriages, a term that did not simply mean the relationships were sexual but also connoted shared households, mingled property, and assumptions about exclusivity and durability. We can best understand what kinds of relationships women had with each other not by hunting for evidence of sex, which even if we find it will not explain much, but rather by anchoring women’s own statements about their relationships in a larger context.

The context I provide here is the complex linguistic field of lifewriting, which brings into focus two types of relationships often confused with friendship, indeed often called friendship, but significantly different from it: 1) unrequited passion and obsessive infatuation; and 2) life partnerships, which some Victorians described as marriages between women. The most famous and best-documented example of a Victorian woman’s avowed but unreciprocated passion for another woman is Edith Simcox’s lifelong love for George Eliot, which has made her a staple figure in histories of lesbianism.

Simcox (1844–1901) was a trade-union organizer and professional writer who regularly contributed book reviews to the periodical press and published fiction and nonfiction, including a study of women’s property ownership in ancient societies, discussed in chapter 5. From 1876 to 1900, Simcox kept a journal in a locked book that surfaced in 1930. Simcox gave her life story a title, The Autobiography of a Shirtmaker, that foregrounded her successful work as a labor activist, but its actual content focused on what Simcox called “the lovepassion of her life,” her longing for George Eliot as an unattainable, idealized beloved whom she called “my goddess” or, even more reverently, “Her.”

Simcox knowingly embraced a love that could not be returned, though she was aware of reciprocated, consummated sexual love between women. Her diary alludes to a “lovers’ quarrel” among three women she knew (61) and mentions her own rejection of a woman who “professed a feeling for me different from what she had ever had for any one, it might make her happiness if I could return it” (159). Tellingly, though twentieth-century scholars often refer to Simcox euphemistically as Eliot’s devoted “friend,” Simcox rarely used the term, and modeled herself instead on a courtly lover made all the more devoted by the one-sidedness of her passion. Simcox defined her diary as an “acta diurna amoris,” a daily act of love, and aspired to keep it with a constancy that would mirror her total absorption in Eliot (3).

After bringing Eliot two valentines in February 1878, Simcox wrote: “Yesterday I went to see her, and have been in a calm glow of happiness since:—for no special reason, only that to have been near her happens to have that effect on me. . . . I did nothing but make reckless love to her . . . I had told her of my ambition to be allowed to lie silently at her feet as she pursued her occupations” (25). George Lewes, the companion whom Eliot’s friends referred to as her husband, was present at most of these scenes, and he and Eliot tolerated and even enjoyed Simcox’s attentions, which they consciously construed as loverlike.

During a conversation about Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s love poems, Sonnets from the Portugese, Eliot told Simcox “she wished my letters could be printed in the same veiled way— ‘the Newest Heloise,’” thus situating Simcox’s missives to her in the tradition of amatory literature (39). In private, Simcox indulged fantasies of a more sensual connection, reflecting on a persistent “love that made the longing and molded the caress,” and recalling how “[i]n thinking of her, kisses used to form themselves instinctively on my lips—I seldom failed to kiss her a good night in thought” (136).

In trying to define her love for Eliot, Simcox significantly refused to be content with one paradigm; instead, she accumulated analogies, comparing her love for Eliot to both “[m]arried love and passionate friendship” (60). Like a medieval ascetic, Simcox eroticized her lack of sexual fulfillment, arguing that her love was even more powerful than friendship or marriage because, in resigning herself to living “widowed of perfect joy,” she had felt “sharp flames consuming what was left . . . of selfish lust” (60).

In an unsent 1880 letter to Eliot, Simcox again found herself unable to select only one category to explain her love: “Do you see darling that I can only love you three lawful ways, idolatrously as Frater the Virgin Mary, in romance wise as Petrarch, Laura, or with a child’s fondness for the mother” (120). By implication, Simcox also suggested that there would be an unlawful way to love Eliot—as an adulterer who would usurp the uxurious role already occupied by Lewes. She concluded by explaining that her relationship with Eliot was too unequal to be a friendship (120).

In the absence of the sociological and scientific shorthand provided by sexology or a codified subculture, and in the absence of a genuinely shared life that could be represented by a common history or joint possessions, women like Simcox represented their unrequited sexual desire for other women by extravagantly combining incompatible terms such as mother, lover, sister, friend, wife, and idol. Other women deployed similar rhetorical techniques of intensification and accumulation to express sexual loves that were not equally felt and did not lead to long-term partnerships.

At age twenty, Sophia Jex-Blake (1840–1912), one of England’s first female doctors and an activist who helped open medical education to women, met philanthropist Octavia Hill (1838–1912). In a biography of Jex-Blake written in 1918 that still adhered to Victorian rhetorical conventions, Margaret Todd called her subject’s relationship with Hill a “friendship” but qualified it as one that made “the deepest impression . . . of any in the whole of her life.” Jex-Blake considered the degree of love she felt for women to be unusual, writing around 1858, “I believe I love women too much ever to love a man” (78).

During a brief relationship that Hill soon broke off, the two women may have been sexually involved, but even so their feelings were never evenly matched. During the period when the women were closest, Hill reduced their bond to mere chumminess by calling herself and Jex-Blake “great companions” (85). By contrast, Jex-Blake was in awe of Hill and described her as both child and mother, roles often eroticized for Victorians, writing in her diary of “My dear loving strong child . . . I do love and reverence her” (85). Even after the relationship ended, Jex-Blake thought of Hill as her lifelong spouse, referring twenty years later to the “fanciful faithfulness” she maintained for her first love, to whom she left “the whole of her little property” in repeated wills (94).

Like Simcox, Jex-Blake used intensified language to underscore the uniqueness of her emotions. When she described inviting Hill on a vacation that included a visit to Llangollen, a site made famous by the female couple who had lived there together, Jex-Blake wrote of her “heart beating like a hammer” (85) and then described Hill’s response: “She sunk her head on my lap silently, raised it in tears, then such a kiss!” (86). Female friends often exchanged kisses, but Jex-Blake’s account took the kiss out of the realm of friendship into one of heightened sensation. Although it was common for female friends to love each other and write gushingly about it, Simcox and Jex-Blake also wrote of feeling uncommon, different from the general run of women.

Simcox identified closely with men and Jex-Blake felt unable to love men as most women did; both were extraordinarily autonomous, professionally successful, and self-conscious about the significance of their love for women. Other women also had intense erotic relationships that went beyond friendship, but were less self-conscious about those relationships, which they rarely saw as needing special explanation, and which usually lasted years or months rather than a lifetime. An example of outright insouciance about a deeply felt erotic fascination between women is found in the journals of Margaret Leicester Warren, written in the 1870s and published for private circulation in 1924.

Little is known about Warren, who was born in 1847 and led the life of a typical upper-middle-class lady, attending church, studying drawing and music, and marrying a man in 1875. Her diary attests to a fondness for triangulated relationships that included an adolescent crush on her newlywed sister and her sister’s husband, and a brief, tumultuous engagement to a male cousin whose mother was the dramatic center of Warren’s intense emotions. In 1872, when Warren was twenty-five, she began to write incessantly about a distant cousin named Edith Leycester in entries that reveled in the experience of succumbing to another woman’s glamour: “Edith looked very beautiful and as usual I fell in love with her....Tonight Edith took me into her room. . . . She is like an enchanted princess. There is some charm or spell that has been thrown over her.”

Numerous similar entries recorded an infatuation that combined daily familiarity with reverent mystification of a sophisticated and self-dramatizing woman. Warren’s fascination with Edith lasted several years. Unlike Simcox and Jex-Blake, Warren never self-consciously reflected that her feelings for Edith differed from conventional friendship, but like them, Warren ascribed an intensity, exclusivity, and volatility to her feelings for Edith absent from most accounts of female friendship. Indeed, Warren rarely referred to Edith as a friend when she wrote of her desire to see Edith every day and recorded their many exchanges of confidences, poetry, and gifts.

Warren fetishized and idealized Edith, was fixated on her presence and absence, and used superlatives to describe the feelings she inspired. Within months of meeting Edith, most of Warren’s entries consisted of detailed reenactments of their daily visits and the emotions generated by each parting and reunion: “Edith was charming tonight and I was happier with her than I have ever been. She looked beautiful” (287). Warren created an erotic aura around Edith through the very act of writing about her, through a liberal use of adverbs and adjectives, and by infusing her friend’s most ordinary actions with dramatic implications.

Describing how Edith invited her to visit her country home, for example, Warren wrote, “Edith came in and threw herself down on the chair and said quietly and gently ‘come to Toft!’” (291). Although Warren got along well with Edith’s rarely present husband, Rafe, she relished being alone with her and described the awkward, jealous scenes that took place whenever she had to share Edith with other women (362, 369). Warren found ways to dwell on the details of Edith’s beauty through references to fashion and contemporary art. Like many diarists, Warren had an almost novelistic capacity to observe and characterize people in terms of prevailing aesthetic forms.

She described Edith with flowers in her hair, looking like a pre-Raphaelite painting, and recorded her desire to make images of Edith: “I sd. like to paint her. . . . It wd. make a good ‘golden witch’ a beautiful Enchantress” (290–91). A ride with Edith inspired Warren to pen another impassioned tableau: “All the way there in the brougham I looked at Edith’s beautiful profile, the lamp light shining on it, and the wind blowing her hair about—her face also, all lit up with enthusiasm and tenderness as she leant forward to Rafe and told him a long story . . . I . . . only thought how grand she was” (369–70).

Shared confidences about Warren’s broken engagement to their male cousin became another medium for cultivating the women’s special intimacy. By assuring Warren that she did not side with the jilted fiance´, Edith declared an autonomous interest in her: “‘I wanted you to come here because— because I like you.’ She was sitting at her easel and never looking at me as she spoke for I was standing behind her, but when she said ‘because I like you,’ she looked backwards up at me with such an honest, soft, beautiful expression that any distrust I had still left of her trueness melted up into a cinder” (290).

Just as Warren heightened her relationship with Edith by writing about it so effusively and at such length, the two women elevated it by coyly discussing what their interactions and feelings meant. Before one of her many departures from London, Edith asked Warren: “‘[A]re you sorry I am going? . . . How curious—why are you sorry?’ Then I told her a little of all she had done for me . . . how much life and pleasure and interest she had put into my life, and she said nothing but she just put out her hand and laid it on my hand and that from her means a great deal more than 100 things from anyone else” (293). Edith’s gesture drew on the repertory of friendship, but in the private theater of her journal, Warren transformed the touch of a hand into a uniquely meaningful clasp.

This is not to say the relationship was one-sided. If Warren’s diary reports the two women’s interactions with any degree of accuracy, it is clear that both enjoyed creating an atmosphere of pent-up longing. Edith fed Warren’s infatuation with provocative questions and a skill for setting scenes: “She asked what things I cared for now? And I said with truth, for nothing— except seeing her” (303). Three days later, just before another of Edith’s departures, Warren paid a call: When tea was over, the dusk had begun and I . . . sat . . . at the open window. . . . By and bye Edith came and sat near me. . . . The room inside was nearly dark, but outside it was brilliant May moonlight. . . . Edith sat there ready to go, looking very pale and very sad with the light on her face. . . . We did not talk much. She asked me to go to the party tonight and to think of her at 11. . . . She said goodbye and she kissed me, for the first time. (303–4)

Warren is exquisitely sensitive to every element that connotes eroticism: a darkened room, physical proximity, complicit silence, a romantic demand that the beloved remain present in her lover’s mind even when absent, a kiss whose uniqueness—“for the first time”—suggests a beginning. Any one of these actions would have been unremarkable between female friends, but comparison with other women’s diaries shows how distinctive it was for Warren to list so many gestures within one entry, without defining and therefore restricting their meaning. Warren’s attitude also distinguishes her emotions from those articulated by women who took their love for women in a more conjugal or sexual direction. Her journals combine exhaustive attention to the beloved with a pervasive indifference to interrogating what that fascination might mean.

Never classified as friendship or love, Warren’s feelings for Edith had the advantages and limits of remaining in the realm of suggestion, where they could expand infinitely without ever being realized or checked. Women who consummated a mutual love and consolidated it by forming a conjugal household were less likely to leave records of their most impassioned moods and deeds than those whose love went unrequited or undefined. Indeed, women in what were sometimes called “female marriages” (a term I discuss further in chapter 5) used lifewriting to claim the privilege of privacy accorded to opposite-sex spouses.

Like the lifewritings of women married to men, those of women in female marriages assumed intimacy and interdependence rather than displaying it, and folded their sexual bond into a social one. They described shared households and networks of acquaintances who recognized and thus legitimated the women’s coupledom, liberally using words such as “always,” “never,” and “every” to convey an iterated, daily familiarity more typical of spouses than friends.

Martha Vicinus’s Intimate Friends cites many nineteenth-century women who described their relationships with other women as marriages, and Magnus Hirschfeld’s magisterial, international study of The Homosexuality of Men and Women (1914) noted that same sex couples often created “marriage-like associations characterized by the exclusivity and long duration of the relationships, the living together and the common household, the sharing of every interest, and often the existence of legitimate community property.”

Sexual relationships of all stripes were most acceptable when their sexual nature was least visible as such but was instead manifested in terms of marital acts such as cohabitation, fidelity, financial solidarity, and adherence to middle-class norms of respectability. Because friendship between women was so clearly defined and prized, one way to acknowledge a female couple’s existence while respecting their privacy was to call women who were in effect married to each other “friends.” Given that “friends” was used to describe women who were lovers and women who were not, how can we tell when “friends” means more than just friends?

…There are many instances of published writing acknowledging marital relationships between women by calling them friendships. Victorian women in female couples were not automatically subject to the exposure and scandal visited on opposite-sex couples who stepped outside the bounds of respectable sexual behavior. Instead, many female couples enjoyed both the right to privacy associated with marriage and the public privileges accorded to female friendship. The Halifax Guardian obituary of Anne Lister in 1840 recognized her longstanding spousal relationship with Anne Walker by calling her Lister’s “friend and companion,” a gratuitously compound phrase.

Emily Faithfull, whom we will encounter again in chapter 6, was a feminist with a long history of female lovers. An 1894 article entitled “An Afternoon Tea with Miss Emily Faithfull” described her home in Manchester, decorated by “Miss Charlotte Robinson,” whom Faithfull readily disclosed “shares house with me.”80 Faithfull left all her property to Robinson in a will that called her “my beloved friend” whose “countless services” and “affectionate tenderness and care . . . made the last few years of my life the happiest I ever spent.” To call one woman another’s superlative friend was not to disavow their marital relationship but to proclaim it in the language of the day.”

- Sharon Marcus, “Friendship and the Play of the System.” in Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England

#victorian #sexuality #history #sharon marcus #between women

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the-weeping-author · 4 years ago

Text

Reacquainted

A/N: hey so this is a AU! Where Eren and the reader are both 18.. so yeah lol I hope this is good.. this is my first fic into the anime fandom, and more importantly my first fic of the AOT fandom so request are open. I have a list of characters I write for so feel free to request I write angst, fluff, and smut.

Taglist: @augustweb @harrystylesupremacy

Warnings: bullying kinda?? cussing, slight angst, SEX!! 18+ quickie, oral , stimulation. Dirty talk, unprotected sex slight choking,

Summary: Y/N and Eren had parted ways as children, one wanted it the other didn't. Y/N's life was just fine until a certian brown haired guy showed up at scouts one day. Will Y/N and Eren make up?

Word count: 5,728

Enjoy 😊

Eren and I had been friends since I could remember, we were close growing up. Eren and I were as thick as thieves, but slowly over time there became a HUGE disconnection between us. I never understood when or why it had happened, but it did and it put a strain on Eren and I. It hurt more than anything, our families had always been close, but maybe that was our downfall. We had always spent summers together at the lake house.

The lake house was just 30 minutes away from the wall, and Eren and I would always ask why Titans never showed up like they did around the walls. Our parents never told us, but my father always brushed me off, and told me I wasn't old enough. I never understood what he meant until that day 9 years ago, back then I had everything.. a family, a home, friends, comfort. Now I have nothing, I was truly alone. I knew what my father was talking about now. To be a warrior you would have to be willing to sacrifice everything, and guess what? That's exactly what I did, that's what made me lose everything including Eren.

Losing everything wasn't what I wanted, but who did? I was foolish back then. I was childish and gullible about the real world, I never knew how cruel and cold the world was until the wall came down for a second time 4 years after the first. Eren leaving my life was what finally did it for me, and I thought there was no escaping the cold dark thing that I called my soul. No one was let in. It was like the whole world around me stopped, and I started to distance myself more and more from everyone.

It wasn't until I decided to join the scouts that I felt alive again, just going out and taking all the built up frustrations out on the Titans. After all, they are the reason why I am the way I am. Tell me who wouldn't feel the way I do after they lost everything then on top of that to get stabbed in the back by someone who claims to be your best friend. Eren and I had stopped talking around three years ago, and honestly it's not gonna change anytime soon.

I'll never forget the day Eren told me he didn't want to be friends anymore. In fact I'd never forget that day for as long as I lived, the day had started sunny and beautiful. The sun was warm dancing across the city, the wind was blowing just enough to send a nice calming breeze through the hot summer Hills. The birds had sung happily that morning, the air had finally felt lighter. For once everything felt… Okay, but there was no telling how long that would last.

~FlashBack~

"Y/N… why are you always so hopeful?"

I turned my head to Eren, my green eyes Shining in his gray ones. I smiled softly before he intertwined our fingers together, I laid my head on his shoulder. I Felt his toned body tense under my simple movement, and I hummed softly looking out upon the town of Shiganshina. I thought it over for a brief moment before I let out a breath answering softly.

"Well Eren, I believe that if we succumb to the horrors of life we fail not only as warriors, but as humans too. I'll never succumb to the enemy or anyone for that matter."

The few minutes of silence made me lift my head off his shoulder, and look at him. His face was unreadable, and it threw me off. Did he have this expression the whole time? Why ask a question if you were just gonna ignore it? Before my mind could go any further into the negative thoughts Eren's voice pulled me from my thoughts making me let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

"Y/N.. we can't do this anymore."

I looked at him, my eyes quickly searched his face for more indication of what he meant. I watched his jaw clench before he unclenched it. His hand slowly slid out my hand, he pulled it back into his lap leaving my hand alone. My stomach flipped, and immediately it locked up making my stomach twist making me nauseous.

"W-what do you mean Eren?"

His gray eyes finally locked with my green ones, and he stood up turning his back towards me before walking away. I quickly stood up, and followed after him.

"Can't do what anymore? Eren answer me!"

He stopped in his tracks, and he stood up, turning away from me. He dusted off his hands as he started walking away from me. I stood, and I clenched my fist squeezing my eyes shut as tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I felt my heart pound against my ribcage, and my lip started to quiver. When I opened my eyes my sight was hazy from the tears getting closer, and closer to breaking the dam.

Eren let out a breath, and he looked up at the sky. The grey clouds hid what was left of the beautiful blue sky. I knew his next words were gonna change the rest of my life, I stared at the brown locks covering his head. Before I knew it tears were sliding down my face, after a few silent sobs I wiped my nose sniffling a bit. Immediately I regretted it. Eren looked over his shoulder looking at me, and when his suspicions were confirmed he let out a "Tsk." He took in a breath before looking away from me.

"I can't be your friend anymore, don't try to change my mind because it's already made up. I don't need you around, you're too gullible to have around, you'll just get yourself killed after all… you're weak."

My eyes widened, and I dropped to my knees, balling my fist sitting them in my lap. I felt a few cold drops fall onto my thighs, and I looked up at the gray sky. A few cold rain drops dripped on my burning face as the realization hit me, I was alone. I let out a gut wrenching scream as Eren disappeared out of my life.. forever. I hunched over, and I let the once quiet sobs out my body, Jolting forward as each sob broke through me.

"Why me, I'm only 10 years old, why am I alone? Doesn't anyone love me?"

~End Of FlashBack~

I was walking down the street to a small building where the scouts would change, I walked into the Women's side and quickly put my training uniform on. I looked at the clock on the wall, and my eyes widened. The clock read 5:50 am.. shit If I didn't leave right now I'd be five minutes late, and Captain Levi hands out extra punishment to those who are late. It had been two years since I've joined, and I hadn't been late this far and I definitely didn't plan to start now.

I rushed out of the building, and when the wind hit my face I immediately started running. Two years on and off the field, and I didn't want to stop training. I was always quick to learn new moves, or get better at hand to hand combat. When I finally reached the field I stopped to take big breaths, and a voice caught my attention making my blood run cold. He couldn't be here... of all days why today, why me? My green eyes quickly found the voice that made my heart drop to my feet.

Eren Yeager.. my Ex best friend, the anchor that once held my body firm in the ocean unscathed by the violent waves. My eyes started to burn, and my throat started getting itchy. His gray eyes met with mine, and when Mikasa, Armin, and Levi turned towards me I quickly turned my head, and rushed the opposite way. My wrist was grabbed by someone, and my head shot up to meet Hanji''s gaze, concern sketched onto Their face.

"Y/L/N are you alright?"

I nodded my head, and I mustered up the best smile I could give them at the moment. I parted my lips softly before taking in a breath before letting it out.

"Yes Hanji I'm fine, thank you for asking."

They smiled at me before intertwining their arm with mine, and before I knew it we were walking towards the little group.. including Eren immediately I stopped in my tracks making them get pulled backwards towards me a bit at the sudden lack of movement. When Hanji turned their head to look at me, confusion was written all over their face. They followed my eyes as I glanced at Eren, and they let out a knowing oooh.

"I see now Y/L/N, your disturbance is between you and Mister Yeager. Am I correct?"

Before I could say anything they quickly cut me off their eyes shined at me softly before their lips turned upwards into a smile.

"Ah well whatever is going on you can't let it affect

you to the point where you can't be there for your team. That will only get them and you killed, so please for our sake along with yours please handle this however hard it may be. After all, what would I do if my favorite scout got killed?"

I listened to Hanji intently. I knew I couldn't face him, but Hanji had a point. This "issue" could jeopardize the safety of not only myself, but others and I wouldn't be the reason hundreds of us got killed. How could I approach Eren? Why would I? Would he even talk to me? Hanji''s voice pulled me from the depths of my own hectic thoughts. I'd have to thank them later in the mess hall, but I did plan to talk to Eren.. just not today.

The day of training was spent avoiding Mikasa, Armin, but especially Eren. A part of me envied two of the three of the trio, I was currently sparring with a new scout. My eyes looked towards Eren every once in a while, but this time it got the best of me. As soon as Eren lifted one of the trainees off the ground making his firm muscles flex. I can't help but wonder how-... I was instantly pulled from my thoughts by a fist meeting with my face.

I fell against the dirt of the huge field, I held the side of my face shaking the hit off. When I raised my head a bit I saw a few people looking over at us, Eren included. A slight smirk was on his face as his peers looked on, and I felt my blood instantly boil. I wanted to go over there, and wipe that eat shit smirk off his face. The person I was training with held their hand out to me, and I instinctively slapped his hand away. I stood up, and I dusted myself off getting into a strong sturdy stance. Of course instinctively it was the one Eren had taught me when we were kids.

Training had ended, and I couldn't be happier. My body ached, and when I showered the hot water helped ease my aching bones. Once I changed back into my regular clothes I walked into the mess hall, once I got my dinner I sat at a table alone. I started eating until I felt eyes on me, and with a quick flash I noticed Eren walking my way out the corner of my eye. I gulped, and I gripped my cup tightly. As he got closer and closer my heart thumped harder, and harder.

Mikasa, and Armin were across the mess hall watching Eren get closer. I prayed to whatever was up there he wouldn't be coming to talk to me. That it was just exhaustion altering my mind, however I was quickly mistaken when he sat right in front of me. His Gray eyes stared into mine calmly. We just stared at each other not knowing what to say, he was basically a stranger to me. He wasn't my Eren Yeager anymore, and I didn't know where to begin to search for him.

"Hey Rosie."

My stomach dropped hearing him use the nickname he used to call me. The butterflies in my heart almost gave in, and acted like nothing happened. It had though, he abandoned me like I was a nobody to him. Rosie came from my feelings towards him, every little thing he did made me blush, or get flushed. I always disliked blushing until he called me that nickname. I used to love it, but now resentment constantly burns through my veins.

"You don't get to call me that anymore."

The smirk that was once on his face faltered a bit, and he just stared at me. Neither one of us spoke, the air was thick with tension. He looked as cute as I remembered he did, his eyes still the color of the sky on a rainy day. His lips still looked as soft as ever, he looked exactly the same, but older. My Stomach turned with every glance I took at him. My thoughts were all over the place, why here? Why now? Is he gonna hurt me just like he did back then? What if he did still care about me?

"No Remember Y/N he's not your Eren anymore you don't know him, he never cared about you. He never will, he doesn't-."

As my thoughts swirled through my head like a tornado on a dark spring evening. I felt my face get warm, and my bottom lip started to tremble softly as tears stung my eyes. His deep intoxicating voice pulled me from my overbearing thoughts, he whispered across the table to keep some sort of privacy between us, his lips parted softly.

"Oh? Well why is that?"

His warm voice pushed any decent thought away, he sounded so stupid.. Why is that? Are you serious? He has to be joking right? I licked my lips before I squeezed my thigh softly. Once I cooled off some I cleared my throat, my back straightened in the chair. I wasn't gonna play his game, not now, not ever his game of cat and mouse was over. I was no longer gonna let Eren Yeager hurt me the way he had.

"You know exactly why Eren Yeager, if you want to talk to me about why you haven't talked to me in years please refrain from playing stupid. It doesn't fit you."

I grabbed my tray, and I stood from the table walking away from the table but more importantly I walked away from him. It felt good to walk away from him, but unfortunately I knew we'd have to talk sooner or later. Mikasa, and Armin both smiled at me softly. I nodded my head at them both before I kept walking, leaving everyone in the mess hall behind me. Little did I know a plan was getting made while I slept the night away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to the birds singing, and I smiled to myself before throwing the covers off of me. I got ready for the day taking care of my morning duties. Once I finished breakfast I brushed my teeth, and after I was done I grabbed the mouthwash, swished it around my mouth and spit it in the sink. I braided my hair while I walked down the hallway, I stopped when I heard Captain Levi's voice.

"I'll let her know when I see her, for now go to the field I'll see you out there."

I heard footsteps get further, and further away until I couldn't hear them anymore. Once I knew for sure the conversation was over I stepped out walking around the corner seeing Captain Levi standing there, and I smiled softly walking up to him.

"Morning Captain."

He raised his head, and turned towards me. The blank expression on his face as he nodded his head at me his raven hair moved at his simple movements.

"Morning Y/L/N I was just about to come looking for you."

My smile faltered a bit at his words, and I tensed up a bit remembering the conversation I eavesdropped on. My heart dropped a bit, and my hands started to get clammy. I pushed the smile back onto my face, and I started to play with the end of my shirt.

"Well here I am sir, what's on your mind?"

He let out a breath, and he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. My heart almost stopped, Levi was never one to express himself no matter the situation. So to say I was nervous was an understatement, I'm sure Captain Levi could hear my heart hammer against my ribcage. I took a soft deep breath preparing myself for whatever he had to say.

"Well Y/L/N I've heard from a few of your comrades that you've been working hard, and you've taken some of the discipline I've given them.. is that true?"

My blood ran cold, I knew he was about to give me kitchen duty, or worse he was gonna make me clean the rooms again. I immediately deflated at his words, I was ready to take whatever he was gonna give me.

"Well Y/L/N as much as I am displeased by your actions, the same comrades offered to take your punishment In return for you having the day off from training so go knock yourself out."

My mouth dropped open at his new claim, my eyes scanned across his face to try and see if he was lying, which I already knew the answer to. I closed my mouth, and I licked my lips letting the moisture circulate in my mouth. My eyes looked back to him, and I smiled softly at him looking into his gray eyes.

"T-thank you Captain, I uhh really appreciate it. If you don't mind me asking who exactly told you about what I did?"

His eyes looked back into mine, and he let out a huff. This is the most I've heard him talk, except for when he's with Erwin in the mess hall or barking orders at us. Other than that it was silence, but I had to know who exactly got themselves in trouble for me.

"Well I probably shouldn't tell you, bit Armin, Connie, Jean, Sasha, and Eren."

My stomach twisted at him mentioning Eren, and my smile faltered just for a split second. Levi definitely noticed, and I knew he was gonna pry. I didn't want him to, but he's my Captain and I can't lie to him. Even if I did he'd see right through it, and I wasn't gonna let that happen at all. I'd have to run laps, clean, dishes, clean oh and did I mention CLEAN!? don't get me wrong, I loved cleaning, but not after a bunch of slobs.

"Oh well thank you for letting me know Levi, thank you oh and tell them I said thank you too."

Levi did a double take when I didn't say anything else. He looked normal, but I could tell there were a few things he had to say. I went to turn back around to get ready to go into town, but his voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Oh by the way Y/L/N… you need to deal with whatever you're dealing with, and I can tell you've been distracted lately."

I turned my head to face him, and I nodded my head at him. When he started walking the other way I did the same, when I reached my room I changed into a pastel pink summer dress. I let my hair down, and I brushed it out slipping on a pair of my black flats walking out of my room. When I reached outside the warm sun kissed my skin, and I closed my eyes for a moment humming softly.

I said hello to the scouts that passed me on my way by, I hummed a little tune as I walked. I felt eyes on my body, and I stopped midwalk looking around trying to find who was looking at me. When I didn't see anyone I just shrugged it off before I continued to walk. It wasn't until I got to a secluded area that I felt eyes on me again, and this time I stopped completely, my arms crossed over my chest.

"Okay whoever is following me, come out you're starting to annoy me."

As soon as the last word left my mouth I heard footsteps, I turned around, and my breath hitched seeing Eren come out from behind a wall. My lips parted, and I put my hand up stopping him in his tracks.

"Don't you dare come any closer Eren or I'll drop you where you stand."

A look flashed across his face I didn't recognize, and he smiled softly at me before he got closer to me.

"Oh Rosie, you still have such a temper, I thought you were gonna drop me?"

My mouth opened and closed every few seconds searching for something to say, when my hand pressed against his toned chest. A pink tint crossed my cheeks, and I let out a huff seeing his face. Anger quickly flows through me all over again before I just let my top blow.

"Eren, who do you think you are? You can't just say what you said, and then years later just come waltzing back in my life wanting me to act like nothing happened cause it definitely did."

His eyes narrowed a bit, and I saw the side of his mouth twitch. I could tell he was mad, the sudden urge to slap him was eager in my mind. I quickly swallowed that urge, and I decided to let him defend himself If he planned on it. The Eren I once knew was warm, sweet the list goes on, but the new Eren was a huge ass.

"Y/N it wasn't like that, I was only trying to protect you."

"Protect me? Eren you hurt me, you've been a dickasaurus rex."

His eyes widened at the new nickname, and before I knew it he was dragging me along with him. I tried to get out of his grasp, but unfortunately it wasn't working so I just walked quickly with him. We walked down a hallway taking two lefts and a right, and when he opened the room door I looked around the hallway noticing we were alone. When he pulled me into the room I quickly turned around, and tried to escape.

"Y/N I know I hurt you, but I thought I was doing what was best for the both of us. I know you hate me, but please just forgive me. I've wanted to reach out, but I never knew how I was afraid you wouldn't talk to me."

He pulled me back around to face him, and my heart softened at his words, but I couldn't just forgive him could I? He hurt me, and I wouldn't let him do it again. I refused to be his fool or anyone's fool again, I tried to repair myself over the past few years, and I wouldn't let Eren break down what I accomplished.

"Eren you told me and I quote. "you didn't need me around, I was too gullible to have around, I'd just get Myself killed after all… I'm weak" you know that stayed with me for a long time, but I joined the scouts instead of listening to you. I'm glad I did because I proved to you, foe's, and anyone who doubted me that I am strong, and that I could save myself if needed. So my question to Eren is if I'm so weak and we weren't good friends why have you been trying to get me to talk to you?"

Eren didn't reply for a few seconds, his mouth opened and closed just like mine did earlier. Now it was my turn to do the smirking, I knew I was fueling his fire, but I didn't care. It felt great to finally tell him how I felt and just get it off my chest. Before he could say anything I turned back towards the door, and started walking towards it.

"Eren I'll see ya around, I'm not wasting anymore of my -."

Before I could get the rest of my sentence out he was pulling me back towards him, and as soon as I faced him our lips met. It woke every part of my body up, and I was just frozen to the ground. It wasn't until he pushed me back against the wall that it registered within me what exactly was going on. My body ached for Eren, and I didn't know it until this moment. The way his lips fit against mine, or the way his rough hands moved against my soft skin.

My hands went to his pants undoing the button, and I pulled down his zipper. I let my warm fingers curve into his pants before yanking them down, and his boxers were quickly following his pants stopping around his ankles. I bunched his shirt in my hands, and I flipped us his back smacked against the wall as I pushed him against it. I dropped to my knees, and I looked up at him waiting for his permission. He let out a soft grunt, and I looked up at him, and my breath was caught once again.

Anger was slightly evident in his eyes, but his pupils were blown with lust. I hummed softly at his reaction to the cold wall making me smirk again so I decided to tease him a little bit.

"Awee what's wrong? Did little Rosie hit a nerve?"

I let out a knowing giggle, and before he could respond I was taking his hardening cock into my mouth. I moved my head softly back and forth around Eren making his hand instinctively go into my long H/C locks. I opened my eyes feeling the sentimental contact, and when I looked up it made the knots in my stomach twist tighter. The way his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and the way his bottom lip tucked tightly between his top and bottom teeth just made my thoughts fuzzy.

Hollowing my cheeks around him made his grip in my hair grow tighter, and each time I moved my head forward his his jolted to meet my face. His now hard cock roughly grazed the back of my throat making my eyes squeeze shut, when my lips met the base of his manhood he used the hand that held onto my hair in place. I let my hands softly graze his thighs until I needed air, and when the time came I gave both of them a firm squeeze.

When he let my head go I quickly pulled back gasping for air, only a moment passed before he was burying his cock back into my willing mouth. when he slid back into my mouth something changed him, and I definitely wasn't complaining after all I wasn't glass. I used my pointer, and middle finger to tap his bare thigh softly before I tightened my mouth around him, feeling his hard throbbing cock against my swollen plump lips. The arousal pooling between my legs proved how much I wanted- (more like needed) him at this moment.

I wanted Eren so bad there was no denying it, in fact I'd be a fool if I denied it. Anyone could tell I was head over heels for the boy I grew up with regardless if he knew it or not. I wanted this just as much as he did, but we were both too stubborn to admit it on our own Accord. I knew this was bound to happen at some point. Some people call it fate, I call it intuition. The way his breath got heavy when I swirled my tongue around the tip of his member just made me want to do more.

Our eyes stayed locked together even as I teasingly moved my head back and forth sliding my wet lips down his member, and when I got half way down I moved my head back letting just the tip of his cock rest in my mouth. I sucked softly on it at first letting him catch his breath, and one look up at him was all it took for me to know he was holding himself back. The look of hesitation was very evident in his eyes, when I let the tip of his cock slide out of my mouth I heard him groan out of annoyance.

"W-wha- Why did you stop?"

I looked up at him humming softly before I kissed his swollen tip, making his breath falter as the taste of precum spread across my lips dancing onto my taste buds.

" I still dislike you, but Stop holding back Eren, I want this just as much as you do."

He nodded his head, and he grabbed my H/C hair wrapping it around his fist before he started jolting his hips back and forth into my mouth. The lewd wet noises leaving my mouth were enough to get a response from Eren.

"S-shut u-up you make it very hard to concentrate, and that's not a complete compliment."

I pinched his thigh softly at his smart remark, and before I could reply he shoved his hard cock into my mouth immediately burying it in the back of my throat making me Gag almost instantly. I slid my hands back on his thighs, and I squeezed my eyes shut moaning loudly defining vibrations around his throbbing member.

"S-sorry, but ugh. Couldn't let you think you had control."

After a few moments passed he let my head slide half way off his throbbing cock before he pushed it back down to the base of him. After a few moments the actions repeated, and at this point tears started pooling at the corners of my eyes. When he let his cock slid out of my mouth it twitched as the cool air hit his warm salivated cock.

"Get up."

Before I could get up his arm was wrapping around my arm yanking me up. Before I could get my balance I was being shoved against the wall, and he fumbled with the button of my pants undoing them. His fingers pulled my zipper down, and with one swift movement my pants and panties were on the floor. The breeze from his quick moments brushed against my wet arousal making me shudder softly against the cool wall, my perky nipples brushed against the concrete wall making me moan softly.

"E-Eren.."

"Spread your legs."

My mind wanted to tell him to fuck off, but my body reacted before I could get myself together. Before I knew it I was spreading my legs for him.. exactly as I was told.. thanks alot to whoever was watching, I hope you're happy. The feeling of the tip of his cocl rubbing against my soaked folds made me roll my hips against him sliding my folds back and forth on him, the way he sounded when he groaned was intoxicating itself.

When he pushed himself into me it was like striking a match, every inch of my body was on fire, and I didn't want it to be extinguished. I immediately squeezed his hard cock, and as it stretched me out I felt it twitch and throb as it went further and further into me. I let my head slide back against his shoulder as he started thrusting softly into me, his pace wasn't enough to cause any discomfort, but it surely got me used to taking him the more he thrusted into me.

The sound of our skin connecting, and our lewd noises echoed in the room. Little drops of sweat broke out across my forehead as he pulled himself halfway out, and rammed himself deeper into me hitting my g-spot. I arched my back into him making his cock hit at a better angle, the tip of his cock raked across my g-spot with each thrust making me squeeze his hard shaft. The knots in my stomach started making itself more evident, and my breath picked up.

His hand snaked around my hip softly going to my clit, and when his hand pressed against it I moaned against the wall the vibrations made my little tickle. I bit my bottom lip softly letting out a whimper, and his lips pressed against the top of my ear. His tongue slid across the warm skin, and when his teeth sunk into my sensitive skin I let out another louder moan. His hips snapped against my ass making the sound bounce louder off the walls, each time his cock raked against my g-spot I felt myself getting closer and closer.

I felt my walls flutter around him, his break brushed against my wet skin making goosebumps dance across my skin as his voice softly whispered in my ear.

"You can cum If you want Rosie."

Hearing his words were enough to make my orgasm crash over me, but the use of my childhood nickname gave it more of a surreal feeling. Little white stars blurred my vision, and when I closed my eyes they seemed to multiply. I rolled my hips on him as I rode out my orgasm, and I soon felt his warm seed go onto my back. As he rode out his orgasm he fell against my back his heart pounding against my back.

His breath was heavy, and he kissed my shoulder softly moving up my neck. I let out a huff, as much as I'd like to pretend everything was okay I just couldn't. Just because we had sex doesn't mean that I forgave him, and he knew it. I may have given in this once, but I already made my mind up. As much as I loved Eren Yeager for now we were just acquaintances who just so happened to get reacquainted with each other.

When he nuzzled against my jaw my eyes moved to the corner of my eyes so I could look at him, and when I did my breath hitched. His grey eyes were soft, and his smile was warm.

"Rosie.. I've missed you, and I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

I looked at him, and I hummed kissing the top of his damp head before moving my head away, closing my eyes letting out a soft breath.

"I've missed you too Eren, and don't worry it's gonna be okay one day."

A/N: thank you so much for reading!! I appreciate it alot, and thank you for the support it means the world to me!! I do birthday request fics so if you have a birthday coming up I worth for Levi Ackerman, Eren Yeager, and Steve Harrington for now!! I hoped you guys liked it mores on the way.

#eren yaeger imagine #attack on titan smut #eren yaeger x y/n #eren yeager smut #attack on titan #eren yeager angst #Destiny's anime fics

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