#not in a shippy way tho I just think it’s

[horseshoemybeloved]

whenever I’m sad I watch brokeback patroh

Who would think of combining these two things. Why would someone think to combine these two things.

Some of you bitches don’t even know brokeback patroh

[good-beansdraws]

Quick Fuuta sketch -- I wanted the vibe of him reluctantly tipping his head up so someone could check his injuries, but I don't know if it translates or if the angle just looks awkward rip

[skitskatdacat63]

I feel weirdly compelled by this

[crownshattered-arch]

|| I have a short list of characters that are just my FAVORITES but not in a "I want to write you" way, just in a "I love you and want to write WITH you" way XDD And Kaveh is on the TOP of that list~

so i love that i have both alhaitham and kira, both of them SO different in how they would interact with Kaveh XDD Alhaitham being rather emotionally disconnected as he is and logical, but he looks after Kaveh in his own way. And Kira can connect to Kaveh better and be a good friend and confidant to him in a way that Alhaitham just isn't very good at. and i just....i love kaveh so much and i want to give him all the love from different angles....

[teecupangel]

i know you have so much on your plate rn but i can't stop thinking about Ezio-era Baker!Desmond and the shenanigan layers of ✨intrigue✨ going on with Ezio and Leo thinking he’s Giovani's bastard, and Maria inviting him to the villa on a whim ’cause she thinks her kids (and Leo) like the pastries, and Desmond misinterpreting absolutely everything because that boy is a Wreck™

what comes of it, tho?? is Desmond trying to alter history more than just pre-inventing exotic baked goods? is he already having to dodge assassins around Italy while trying to protect the Auditore family, getting on Giovani's radar and spooking him ’cause he can't figure out what branch he's from? or is Desmond holed up in his bakery trying very hard NOT to change anything ’cause hey he’d already saved the world he’d like to not fuck things up bad enough to have to do it again?

does Giovani catch a glimpse of him at some point (either just in the bakery or while Desmond’s out being assassin-y), and instead of thinking he looks like himself or Ezio (since this would be before Ezio gets the scar), thinks he looks eerily like the statue of Altaïr? as another layer of shenanigan, he could come to Leonardo with the idea of time travel but thinks that Desmond is from the PAST rather than the FUTURE, and Leo spends the whole convo trying not to blurt that he thinks/knows Desmond is GIOVANI'S kid

just. the confusion of this au speaks to me, since it’s ALMOST crack-y but also these fools are canonically FOOLS, and i love the way you blend angst with shenanigans. im also shippy at heart, so would love to see your take on that in this au if you have the time 👀

(thank you for reading, i hope you're doing well! 🧡)

As long as you guys are find that your asks are getting answered a month later, I’m alright with adding more to my plate XD (just to be clear, this is a first-in-first-out basis for both asks and replies/reblogs and I’m only about to clear Oct 13 XD)

The original Desmond becomes a baker in Renaissance Italy and gets mistaken as Giovanni’s illegitimate child idea for those curious.

In this one, Desmond only went as far as stop the Auditores from being arrested by dropping key documents showing Uberto’s treachery to the Medici. He stayed as far away as he could from the Auditores and only dropped off the evidence in Lorenzo’s bedside table one day, slipping into the darkness. Anyone who saw him actually thought he was a monk since he was wearing a monk’s attire (which he burned afterwards). This does lead to Giovanni and the thieves guild looking for him after since he hasn’t done any other Assassin related stuff and was simply living his life as a baker, they’re hitting a dead end. Desmond doesn’t plan to do anything else since he believes that the Auditores would be able to handle it from here and he’s betting on Giovanni finally starting Ezio’s training after learning that the Templars are after his family.

Giovanni’s first glimpse of him is when he checked the bakery from afar since his family seemed to like it so much. He just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t post any danger to his family and maybe even talk to La Volpe into adding it to the thieves’ patrol route just so they would have eyes on the bakery at all time. It’s gotten so popular that the Medici are even thinking of ordering from them so Giovanni figured he should do reconnaissance before it got to that point. When he saw Desmond, he doesn’t see the similarities between them, he saw Desmond looking a lot like the statue of Altaïr and he freaks out. Because, unlike Ezio or Leonardo, he does have an inkling of how powerful Those Who Come Before were. He has seen the Shroud and he has heard the tales of how Altaïr had mastered one of their weapons. And… if the Shroud could heal all and any injuries then… In this case, Giovanni doesn’t think Desmond is a time traveler, he thinks Desmond is Altaïr himself who has gained immortality thanks to the ‘powers’ of Those Who Come Before.

Thank you! I honestly like writing these ideas where it’s crack but not crack enough that it’s a bit confusing XD

[dangermousie]

Their chemistry is gorgeous...

And the way he makes a little jokes and then realizes that it's not really a joke to him aaaaaaa

It's like they know how to hit all my shippy kinks dead center so hard they are ringing.

And then he stands (without his cloak - he gave it to her!) in front of the cave opening to shield her even if it's by a tiny amount from the cold. He is there until morning!!!

I really liked the first six eps of this drama but with ep 7, that switch - that unpredictable glorious switch - flipped and I am invested and obsessed. It's glorious.

It is a very romantic wuxia in the best ways (and my very first cdrama was the 2006 adaptation of Return of Condor Heroes and you can't get more ur romantic wuxia than that - and it was the reason I got into cdramas - so it's clearly something I crave.)

The thing I love so much here is how competent and adult and decent both the protagonists are. She is sharp-tongued and prickly but deeply good and he is just so...he is arguably the deadliest fighter in that narrative but he is so completely gentle. The way only someone who is very secure in himself and in his strength can be - he doesn't need to prove anything to anyone. He has his (serious) trauma/regrets/damage but insecurity is not one of his issues. And it is just perfect.

I think ZSX has never portrayed a bastard in any way that worked for me (tho to be fair, those dramas were so bad, nobody could have saved that - his new agency is so much better omg, anyway) but he is a rare actor who can portray sheer unadulterated decency and make it fascinating instead of boring.

And Li Qin is just so adult. She is an adult woman; all her best roles take advantage of her stillness and her ability to portray calm, intense competency (that is why that terrible drama with RJL that shall not be named was so bad - it was bad in general but it also went against every one of her strengths; perhaps someone like GXT could have made it bearable.)

This is a solidly written, beautifully filmed drama in a genre I love that plays to its stars' strengths. What's not to love.

ETA: I was gonna make a whole separate post about him carrying her when she faints, trudging thru the snow, trying to breathe on her cold hands and shielding her as they fall but I accidentally deleted them and don't feel like redoing it so just imagine it instead.

[velourfant]

phoenix wright is really fucking hot.

and i mean, objectively, sure, he’s pretty attractive, but i’m more so talking about everything he does in the og trilogy. spoiler warnings for aa1, aa2, and aa3!

he’s supposedly a self insert character but that assumption loses all credibility as soon as edgeworth comes into the picture and the player is forced to contend w the fact that yes, phoenix wright actually DOES know him—you’re the one who’s left out. i don’t even mean this in a shippy way (i do ship them but i didn’t start raising my eyebrows until phoenix’s “let me defend you” line at the detention center and i didn’t actually acknowledge i shipped it until phoenix’s “nobody knows the real edgeworth” monologue in his office). i just think that, regardless whether takumi meant to, he established phoenix’s cageyness so early into the game and it works SO FUCKING WELL!

you might think i’m overthinking it but in jfa, phoenix does this again by not letting the player or maya know what became of edgeworth. i’m also going to cite him never telling anyone about dahlia—which IK happened bc JFA and T&T weren’t originally meant to be games—as evidence he’s a cagey piece of shit. even tho aa1 was supposed to be a standalone game, phoenix’s character is so consistent throughout the first trilogy that you would never know otherwise.

i also think the music direction was 10/10 whenever phoenix and someone of importance to him was involved. it’s part of the reason i was so moved by narumitsu, and also why i was INCREDIBLY moved by his reuniting w iris in 3-5.

side note but did i ever mention i actually really fucking like feenris? i am not immune to subtext. i am not immune to good storytelling.

t&t was also perfect for furthering my phoenix wright brainrot because he treats his ex so fucking well. soooo fucking well. when he and dahlia were dating, he treated her like a queen. and even when he became incredibly cagey, he still has that charisma and genuine care for folks he trusts and he’s also so so good w kids and he j makes me wanna explode into a pile of hearts and gooeyness. i love him.

when i finish SOJ DLC, i plan to replay the trilogy just to let everything sink in + feed the part of my brain that actually does ship narumitsu now…and i will definitely be spamming abt it!

i’m writing a think piece abt his character on my main blog but i just think he’s so attractive in a way i didn’t expect him to be. when he broke down the kurain manor channeling door in 2-2, i was ..listening. then he gets pearls to open up to him and i’m thinking oh wow. 2-4 comes and i’m like OH WOW. the final straw was 3-5 when he crosses the bridge for maya. sir, you are so fucking fine. i need you BAD.

[queenofbaws]

six sentence weekend...wrap-up??? for 2024, anyway ;P

hey friendos <3 as much as the inexorable march of time terrifies me, it is with a heavy heart i point out..............we're in the last leg of the year, and man. there are. some holidays a'comin. because of that (and a few other winterly obligations), i'm anticipating i probably won't be around much on the weekends for a hot minute 🥺

BUT!!! since i really, really love getting to do little drabbly request stuff during my downtime, i thought i might close out 2024 and start 2025 like this: opening my inbox, letting you guys throw some requests at me, and i'll just. do 'em when i do 'em. post a couple on the weekends here and there until i'm done.

if you're interested, i'm throwing a couple extra deets (and some potential prompt lists, oooooh) below the readmore!!! either way, as always, hope you're doing well out there <333

OTHER DETAILS, YOU SAY???

1. since i'm really going to be focusing most of my energy in the coming weeks on, like, surviving family thanksgiving. and other. horrifying. things. *widens eyes in usamerican politics* i'm probably not going to stick to SIX sentences specifically for these prompts, so i cannot and will not promise every fill will be, y'know. of equal length lmao maybe it'll be 6 sentences! maybe it'll be 7! maybe it'll be a page, i truly cannot say. PLEASE don't expect a fully fleshed out oneshot, however, these will still be on the shorter side!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reader beware, you're in for...an...unfair...number of...words.

oh god the seasonal madness is already taking hold.

2. if you'd like to read something i've posted here as part of these fills to ao3, feel free to let me know!!! i'm always happy to put stuff up there, i just typically use ao3 for longer things and tumblr for shorter ones, but i'm always, always, ALWAYS happy to oblige :)c and if you throw your ao3 username at me, i'm ALSO happy to gift you any work you've prompted yourself! <3

3. as always, i'd appreciate not getting requests for cl*mb*ng class or anything shippy involving travis h*ckett, jason k*lchek or gr*nthem du'm*t - anything NON-shippy is SO fine, totally a-okay, don't sweat that :P

4. truly cannot stress how slow i will likely be at these. i could very well still be filling stuff in, like, march, so know in advance i appreciate your patience hehe

5. stuff absolutely does NOT need to be holiday themed, please don't feel like you have to do that just because we're nearing the holiday season! if you ARE looking for inspo, tho, i've found a few prompt lists that look fun... ;)c just please be sure to include the entire prompt in your ask if you decide to pull from these lists - if you just say, like, "#14 for so-and-so" i won't know which list you're talking about 😔

LATE NIGHT DIALOGUE PROMPT LIST

THREE WORDS PROMPT LIST

DRUNKEN LOVE CONFESSIONS PROMPT LIST

aaaaaaaaand i think that's about it? uh, stay safe and have fun??? hehehe seriously tho, i hope these next few months treat us all kindly, and that we have some fun along the way <3

[queenhawke]

kinda amazing how many of my mq fics have more hits/kudos than some of my dr who ones. like yeah im a better writer now for sure but even so, mq is such a tiny fandom compared to dw? and the dw ones have been there for way longer? i guess maybe mq fandom is just less discerning when it comes to fic bc there's way less choice. who's to say

y'all are very obvious in your preference for shippy fics rather than gen fics tho lmao. which, you know, i get it, you wanna see brad and david make out, but maybe try some of the gen fics too. i honestly think a lot of them are better and more interesting than the shippy ones

[sammygender]

hi.. erm im back (anon from the last 2 asks) (im too scared to un-anon sorry) i want to ask (another) genuine question abt wincest because ur the nicest person ive ever met who's willing to talk abt it from both sides.

i guess i just don't get why people ship wincest? background: im aromantic and have a hard time understanding certain shippy stuff, but i do notice alot of arophobic statements in regards to the evidence given as to why people ship. ex: a lot of "brothers don't look at each other like that." type things. (which i know is not wincest exclusive and is often used by destiel shippers too)

also i notice alot of people being quite amatonormative (definition: the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance.) so it's hard to even take wincest shippers seriously when all their evidence tends to be perpetuating arophobic sentiments and stuff.

we can all agree that their relationship is seriously unhealthy. but i just have a hard time with it being even borderline incestuous. i also really like the idea of relationship anarchy (definition: relationships within this structure are fluid, and therefore have no solid differentiation between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.) so to me it's like. well it's platonic because they say it is? only the people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is and they have?

anyways i know im throwing a lot of words and definitions at you. you're just extremely helpful to talk to and i like what you have to say, so id be extremely interested in your opinions about this.

hi anon!!! im so sorry i literally yapped like crazy in response to this. had no idea i was capable of this much thought on this topic. everything is under the read more

TLDR for the TLDR: for me the 'borderline incestuous' nature of their relationship isnt actually the way they act with each other cause i do think boundaries of romantic/platonic r weird and fake (tho by normal 'societal standards' sam and dean r strange). its more the framing of it by the narrative and genre conventions of spn as a horror. i think. <3

everything im abt to say has been written on at length by much smarter people than me - if ur interested i probably have reblogged other peoples posts on similar topics and tagged them somewhere under #poison in the water and maybe #she walked in on us. i am SO sorry for the mountain of yap you have unleashed.

before i rly start, re: talking abt the concept of wincest from different angles/sides - its honestly so totally beyond me why people dont actually DISCUSS this stuff more. ofc wincest shippers are sometimes obnoxious when they go ‘NORMAL BROTHERS DON’T ACT LIKE THIS!!!’ over anything (like i personally don’t like the whole ‘sam and dean are OBVIOUSLY in love because they bring each other back from the dead!!’ thing. like why is that romantic. i’d try my hardest to bring my siblings back from the dead too.) but like u said pretty much all shippers do that. i think people are (UNDERSTANDABLY) squicked out by the idea of incest, even fictional, and have an immediate kneejerk reaction when people ‘corrupt’ their favorite characters by talking abt it in relation to them. and i completely understand just not wanting to engage with readings you find uncomfortable or odd!! TV can just be escapism there’s nothing wrong with that!! but i tend to find immediate negative reactions against anything that even ACKNOWLEDGES the incestuous subtext in spn uncharitable and annoying. for one, incest is a real thing that happens and its not shipping goggles or creep behavior to look at fiction through the lens of it, just as its not whatsoever unreasonable to look at, for example, the azazel demon blood storyline as a CSA allegory (again of course all this is real heavy and just one interpretation and absolutely no hate for fans who like… just don’t want to think like this <3). for two, i do think there is an undercurrent of it written into supernatural with intentionality to further the themes of familial horror.

so to kind of…. explain i guess… why i say i can see canonical backing for sam and dean’s relationship as incestuous or incestuous-adjacent (lol), i have to go back to the general incest subtext in supernatural as a whole, from a completely academic-interest and not at all shippy way. like i said ofc SPN is primarily a show about FAMILY HORROR - ‘family is hell’, to quote eric kripke in the pilot commentary. or at least this is how i view it; a lot of destiel fans, for example, tend to see it more as…. idk really, i don’t claim to have much contact with them, but certainly not usually a horror. an action-adventure. a western. a story about a Tragic American Hero (sorry im being tongue in cheek and bitchy). i think viewing the show with a sam-focused lens tends to make you view it as horror for… a lot of reasons which i won’t get into here. but i PERSONALLY - getting off track here, sorry - view it as horror. that’s what he originally intended, and it’s what supernatural is most successful at doing. and incest in horror, especially gothic horror, especially gothic horror about the family and the home, is well-trodden territory (where’s my essay from last term about incest in wuthering heights where i somehow ended up, while researching, on an essay about wincest itself). - and supernatural is full of allusions to it. azazel’s silhouette in the pilot as intentionally strikingly similar to john’s, when he first feeds sam demon blood (framed as a CSA allegory, whether intentional or not). then azazel actually possessing john later. mary making the deal that dooms her family for years after via kissing her father on the mouth. hunting portrayed as something abnormal, irregular, taboo in direct opposition to a ‘normal family’ (tho abuse also comes from the nuclear family etc etc). then you can look at sam and dean specifically….

from the pilot, you have the woman in white telling sam, who has just left to go on a roadtrip with his brother, that he’s about to be unfaithful to jess; even if this could technically be said to be about the fact she then attempts to assault him (tho that doesn’t really fit with woman in white lore?? she goes after people who have already cheated…), it’s still portraying jess and dean as innately in opposition, just as jess has to die in order for sam to join dean. all the loaded lines about ��the way they were raised’ - dean telling sam he can’t escape it. supernatural is clear: the rot is IN the family.

OF COURSE all of this can equally just be about familial abuse!! and IS about familial abuse!! but the way the story unfolds DOES position sam and dean in…. shall we say Roles. sam is the feminised ‘bitch’ to dean’s ‘jerk’; they’re mistaken for a couple in 1x08, in 1x18, in 2x16, in s8; they’re compared to bonnie and clyde, to mallory and mickey, serial killer lover duos. crowley tells dean, ‘you’re lying to sam like he’s your wife’. dean says, at a later opportunity, ‘what about sam? does he want a divorce?’. an ANGEL tells their HALF BROTHER that sam and dean are ‘psychotically, irrationally, EROTICALLY codependent’. dean himself is unable to name what’s between them, explicitly saying ‘love, family, whatever it is’ (which is just SUCH an odd line. Like it’s love and family between you two Dean is it not??? Why are you acting like neither of those words describe it???). then there’s the way jensen and jared act it, their physicality, eg. sam looking genuinely like he’s about to pull dean in for a kiss during playthings 2x16… i also find the whole ‘brothers don’t look at each other like that!!’ annoying, but tbh, they do give each other wild looks sometimes. the end of wendigo sticks out to me whenever i watch it as a genuine ‘why is jared/sam looking at jensen/dean like that… what possessed him…’.

wait another addition - when i first wrote this i also totally forgot about 4x14 sex and violence, which iirc has dean’s siren, originally described only in terms of sex/romance, literally telling him ‘i should be your little brother’. of course the concept of a siren that isn’t really about sex or even romance is really interesting and one valid reading - and also lends itself to a reading of dean as aro which i rly like. but i don’t think that reading is any more or less valid than the more obvious one. (irrelevant side bar but there’s a 2003 sociology book about sibling incest that i read for an essay on wuthering heights called ‘Siblings: Sex and Violence and that makes me go ??? every time i think about the episode. Literally what. That has to be a coincidence. But??)

i think in regards to why people ‘ship’ wincest, a lot of it is of course just that they just kind of See It, for whatever reason. whether it’s the thematic (which i talked on at length already sorry <3) or just the way they look at each other or just because jared and jensen are hot or just because they think it’s really interesting to explore an added dimension to sam and dean’s already messed up relationship. same with destiel, same with sastiel, same with whatever, like u said. shipping culture in general IS hugely amatonormative - people love to declare wide statements about what people who are In Love do and don’t do, which are always silly and shallow. partly why i don’t really consider myself as someone who ships things in general.

i also totally agree w u that only people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is. im not aro but i also really like the concept of relationship anarchy. however, when i see the incestuous subtext between sam and dean, it’s more in a media studies way than in a way of analysing their actual Relationship (though to be fair i’m not a wincest shipper); eg. asking the question why is their relationship portrayed ‘like that’, and what does that say about the themes of spn itself. also it is just an interesting concept to a lot of people.

TLDR the reason i can view sam and dean’s relationship as borderline incestuous isn’t due to their codependency, or dean’s intense possessiveness, or how close they are, or because they spend all of their time together, or because they’ve brought each other back from the dead multiple times and get suicidal without each other. this is even though in our society all that together IS often coded as romantic/sexual and is definitely acknowledged in that lens by the writers (hence constant comparison of them to married couples) - because it could also just as equally be completely platonic and completely insane and the result of the world’s worst trauma bond (the latter which it CERTAINLY is <3). when i talk abt canonical backing for their relationship as borderline incestuous, it’s more about the narrative framing and context surrounding it. at the very least, their relationship is ‘abnormal’, deviant (meant in the most literal meaning as an digression from social norms); different from accepted ‘sibling relationships’, pointed out by the characters around them. <- none of this makes any sense but its 3am and im on tumblr so its ok.

feel free to dm also if u want to or just send an ask back!! and also ofc feel free to argue with/disagree with me in any way u like. or ask wtf i mean by anything cause i talk too much. tbh from what u say it sounds like u just don’t really vibe with shipping culture in general (might be an assumption sorry if so) which i totally understand/agree w. but i hope i answered ur question in some way somehow

[schoolmysteryno69]

META ANALYSIS - Mitsukou (part 1)

General topic - how they’re written as a one of the romantic couples in the story

Before I start, I need to say few things:

1. I’m not native english speaker. I’m probably going to make a lot of errors and mistakes, mix times, have a lacking vocabulary etc. Please be ready for it. I want to write my meta post anyway, so I would be happy if you will stay to the end with me!

2. If you do not like Mitsukou/hate this ship or anything like that - maybe this post it's not for you. It's totally okay to ship different thing and like different things, I don’t mind. My post is not a starter for a discussion tho, I’m not interested in discourses, argues and hate. I don’t really plan to “prove” anything to anyone or force you to change your mind, whole post is only MY analysis and my point of view. You are not obligated to feel the same way I feel, to see things the same way I see them. 

3. I’m not interested in proving if Mitsukou is going to ever be canon or anything. I don’t know that. I’m also not going to analyze if they’re ever going to be a CANON COUPLE or an ENDGAME COUPLE. It’s only about if they’re written as a romantic relationship, and being written as a romantic couple =/= being a canon couple, they’re a lot of pairs in media that definitely are written as a romantic relationship without them being together ever or being an endgame. I’m not going to speculate about endgame, especially when one of the characters is supernatural and one is a human. 

Okay, I think we can start now!

Let's start from the beginning. Because my first language is not english my post may be a little bit chaotic, putting all my thoughts in at least some order and with at least some sense it's actually hard, haha. In part 1 I will try to cover the first meeting between Kou and the ghost of Mitsuba.

So!

They first met during chapter 18. And it was meeting between Kou and ghost of a Mitsuba Sousuke, so it wasn’t our currently Mitsuba - it worth to mention they're not the same person, even if they are extremely similar, share a lot elements of their personalities, they look nearly the same, and current Mitsuba even share some dead Sousuke's memories because of School Mystery No. 4 Shijima Mei and her Picture Perfect arc. Still - not the same person and Mitsuba Kou met in chapter 18 is not the current Mitsuba. 

At the beginning they're not really that much written as a romantic, their short arc was more like something starting Kou’s personal arc and his development. He got some background, some motivation, some angst, he changed. For most part Kou behaved pretty normal, just like himself - a selfless, lively boy that really wanted to help a lonely, sad ghost that Mitsuba was. (he wasn’t traumatized yet). Even if some of their interaction could be readed with a shippy glasses, there wasn’t anything that was inherently romantic about them. 

I think it's kind of ironic how this is literally their first panel in the manga. Mitsuba literally looks like some kind of eldritch horror and he says “Did you forget about me?”. Yeah Kou, did you? This quite sums some elements of their arc. We know that Kou actually did forget about Mitsuba, who was one of his classmates. Also, Kous' trauma, related to everything that happened to Mitsuba, hunts him for the rest of the story. He also, clearly has a problem with recognition of both Mitsubas, with dealing with Ghost Mitsuba death and with the idea of forgetting someone and leaving someone. We also know that, when current!Mitsuba was made by Tsukasa, he didn’t remember Kou. That's why this quote here is very ironic. 

There is nothing really to analyze here but I find it funny. Yeah, you quite literally just haunted the wrong guy and it’s going to be a problem for you and said guy for the next 15 volumes of the manga. Good luck. 

Even after calling Mitsuba an “evil spirit” Kou still tries to help him and even decides to “take the big tough guy approach” to make Mitsuba feel safer about him. Kou is not really “the big tough guy”, even if he tries to pose as one. He is a 14 yo kid with kind of fucked up situation in life, even, if he doesn’t recognize it yet. 

Maybe you could learn something from Kous stupid earning, mr. boy who DIED in the car accident.

It's definitely not an accident that Mitsuba died hit by a car and Kou has a BIG earning with a big caption “TRAFFIC SAFETY”. Even after reading all chapters up to 103 I’m not really sure how I should interpret this exact symbolism in their relationship, but it's definitely done on purpose by the authors. I think it may symbolize that Kou, with a “traffic safety” earning will save Mitsuba, who previously died in a traffic accident from dying another time? Like, now Mitsuba have Kou by his side and maybe Kou will manage to keep him safe. His earning is mentioned by Mitsuba too many times, it's done so we can notice it, for sure. And I wonder how it turns out. 

It’s the first time Mitsuba suggests that Kou either has some kind of feelings toward him, tries to do something dirty towards him or something similar. Every time he just jokes or tries to provoke Kou or something like that. At first I thought it's just how Mitsuba is, some people love to joke like that, but then I noticed, later in the story, that Kou is quite literally the only person Mitsuba ever does this to. Sure he does not have many friends “his age” but still during the manga it would be possible for him to behave like that toward other characters, but he does not. He jokes like that only toward Kou and I think during the next parts of my writing I will point it out more.

Even after 20 minutes of insulting he is still concerned about Mitsuba. That's so funny and sweet. 

Yeeeaaah sure it totally does not relate in any way to the fact that ghost Motsuba got to die after taking a photo of KOU out of everything yeeeeaaaah nada nope. It's crazy how the authors planned this because Hanako really started as some kind of funny manga about kids and ghosts and supernatural things, but the angst we get later is actually top notch and kinda scary. There was few moments I really had to like, stand up and walk in my room because of the emotions I felt after reading.

Look how happy he is with the idea of being a model to the Mitsubas photos. He is bright, smiling and even blushing. The next ironic thing is how he cried after actually seeing a picture of himself made by Mitsuba. Also I like how prominent his earning is here.

Mitsuba is very particular, he really made pictures only of animals, plants and other non-human things. That's probably why his photo of Kou hit me like a train. That's literally narratively confirming that Mitsuba saw Kou as something (someone) he likes, someone that is important to him. Kou also realized it after seeing the picture, that was one of the reasons why he was so devastated.

There are few things about that whole scene I would like to point up. The first are doves. Mitsuba, especially Ghost Mitsuba, is often presented with doves as a form of his symbolism. Doves and cherry blossoms are probably the most prominent symbols of his character. I’m not really that good when it comes to symbols, but I think doves symbolize things like peace, but also some form of innocence/purity and love. Some sources also say about transformation and spirituality. I think one of the reasons for choosing doves is to symbolize how he didn’t deserve to die like that, that his soul is actually good and seeks for peace. In Kou’s eyes he is also someone innocent, definitely. Especially when we are talking about ghost Mitsuba at the beginning of a story. 

ALSO I’m pretty sure birds are foreshadowing to current!Mitsuba being made from the school mystery no. 3 who looked like a bird and who current!Mitsuba gained a lot of his characteristics from. Current!Mitsuba hair looks like feathers, his hand looks like talons etc. He is heavily associated with birds from the beginning. Even if Ghost!Mitsuba is associated with doves more and current!Mitsuba with ravens or crows. 

The next thing about this scene is Kou finally realizing he knew Mitsuba and it hit him. Understanding that Mitsuba actually KNEW Kou and it was Kou who didn’t remember him probably made him feel remorse and generally really bad about himself. That’s not a nice thing if you forget about a boy who was with you in a class, and the fact that ghost Mitsuba actually tried to talk to him and asked him “Did you forget about me”... It's hard for me to even imagine what Kou felt at that moment. 

Also, Mitsuba surely didn’t know about Kou being from an exorcist family, so he wouldn't expect that Kou will take direct action after meeting a ghost lol. If it comes to Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure it was very scary.

I wish we could see more of them like that. Just like two boys having fun with each other. I love angst, trust me. But I think they deserve rest and to just have a chance to play and talk a be… normal for once. Everytime when they get a chance to have fun they’re cute and hilarious together. 

Rain can symbolize sadness and hard emotions soooo yeah, I’m not surprised it started raining. I think it sort of symbolizes feelings of both Kou and Mitsuba here.

They’re going to the third floor and I’m sure it's foreshadowing to Mitsuba becoming a School Mystery no. 3. 

I’m still impressed how much foreshadowing is during their first meeting (chap 18-20). Like the birds, nr 3, traffic safety earning, motif of remembering/forgetting etc. You could also think that photography would be something like that but… it's not. Photography becomes a thing that is helping recognizing human/ghost Mitsuba from current supernatural Mitsuba. They’re similar but not the same person. Photos were one of the main characteristics of the original Mitsuba, both in this arc and during a moment with Mitsubas mother later. It was always about photos, but it's never about photos when it comes to our current Mitsuba.

Yeah, that kind of explains why Kou didn’t remember him immediately, even after seeing how Mitsuba looks and hearing his surname he should know. Because, like, Kou should remember him, they were in the same class, sit close to each other etc. But the mask that Mitsuba created was so strong that made him nearly imperceptible (like, you know, a ghost hah) and at this point tbh I don’t think Mitsuba liked it very much. He is actually a pretty bold and cocky person and all of this probably bugged him. Of course he wasn’t bullied, but was it worth becoming somebody different, somebody boring and bland to others? I think there is some form of regret. But also I don’t think that ALL of this was a mask, because Mitsuba definitely has some of a calmer and more sweet side to himself, he showed it a lot of times.

He tries to fix it up by recognizing him now for who he is. With both his positive and negative aspects, even if he points out mostly his flaws. Still, this is the Mitsuba he met, the Mitsuba he knows and the Mitsuba he IS GOING TO remember. Mitsuba he befriended now. It actually means a lot for Sousuke. He is dead, he may have thought that it's the end for him and for all of his relationships he ever had. Its funny how Mitsuba said he is a ghost because he still wanted to do photos, but the truth is he wanted relationships, but the true ones. Not based on his “fake” nice self, but on real him with all his flaws and that's why he haunted other students rather than just… go do photos or something. He tried to connect to others, because he subconsciously thought relationships and friends he had when he lived weren’t really true and real. It’s ironic how it resembles the current!Mitsuba in Picture Perfect act. 

Kou started to realize who Mitsuba was and how tragic his situation was, he started to empathize. Kou has a martyr complex, so he wanted to help Mitsuba any way he could. It was also shown that he does LIKE Mitsuba even with his twisted personality, Kou said it himself and it surely means a lot for Mitsuba who wasn’t liked before for his true personality. That was probably the moment Mitsuba felt a real bond towards Kou and become attached to him. 

And Kou even blushed a few times.That would still be read as platonic and sweet tho!. I think it was, personally. The most important thing during their first meeting was, of course, how it ended, because, in my opinion, it was a moment when most (not all tho) Kou's mental problems started. There was still his family, of course. Teru loves Kou very much, but still his mentality and behavior was a root for Kou’s low self esteem and some other elements of his personality, tho I think it may be a topic for a whole different post.

In this small arc, in my opinion, the moment that was the beginning of me perceiving them as written as one of the couples, a romantic relationship was this exact moment:

“I don’t know… maybe something important to me?” 

And also a moment when Kous saw this picture for the first time, when he developed photos, and how this cracked him.

Generally, becoming friends with Mitsuba was very important to Kou. Not only because he wanted to help him (and, internally, also making Kou feel better about himself) but also it was probably the first time when… Kou may feel somewhat special? He always was in the shadow of Teru, he wasn’t an “official” exorcist, he wasn't going to missions in the town, he wasn’t very strong (Hanako literally KO’ed him without a sweat and Kou couldn't do much to Hanako), the girl he got a small crush on (Nene) clearly had something with Hanako… Kou was always pushed back and now, with Mitsuba, he made an actually special relationship between the only two of them. He felt NEEDED, and we all know how much Kou desperately needs to feel NEEDED. In his own mind, he was the only one that could help Mitsuba and that understood Mitsuba, that's why Mitsubas ghost death was so hard for him. He finally got something special for himself and he couldn't even protect it and he let lonely, poor ghost tragically vanish. That's some trauma for you.

I’m not going to write much about Mitsubas feelings there because it was Sousuke Mitsubas feelings - and currently I’m going to focus more on a School Mystery Mitsuba. Tho Sousuke definitely perceived Kou and his help as something special to him. That's where their fated bond started. 

“You can help me develop them tomorrow and then… I think I’ll be okay”.

Yet we can’t see his eyes when he speaks, and that suggests he thinks something different that what he speaks. Not showing eyes is a common motif to show that a character is lying or saying something he does not think or hiding something. Here is just like that - it’s not about photos, it's about KOU. It’s because of Kou he is going to be okay, not because of the photos he took today. Something changed for Mitsuba when Kou recognized him for someone he actually is and wanted to become friends with him. For Mitsuba it means a lot because when he was alive he couldn’t get true friends and real relationships with others. 

Yeah walk walk trauma baby. I know I mention  ‘trauma” a lot when it comes to Kou, but the whole manga is like a one big parade of traumas for this boy and it's not even funny. I’m not surprised he is starting to become more and more insane with every next arc. Especially in the Night Out small arc we can clearly see how detached from actual reality Kou starts to be and how he stops recognizing differencs between supernatural and real word, good and evil, selfless and selfish behavior etc. It’s all the result of the traumatic situations he was put in for like 16 volumes straight. And he is bearing it A LOT WORSE than Nene is.

Ouch. 

“You wished for people remembering you but now youre happy with just a one person?” That hits hard but also I’m angry at Tsukasa, like leave that boy alone.Even one person can make a change in someones life, and thats what Mitsuba felt at a moment. For Kou he was someone, he was real, he had a personality, Kou recognized him and that gives him a true sense of identity. For him it was enough

You met like half of a day before and you are calling him your friend and fighting for him with an unknown dangerous supernatural who looks exactly like your other friend. Bruh that's some dedication. Kou is desperate to save Mitsuba, but Kou is generally desperate to be a savior. He tries to “save” Nene a lot of times even if it’s not really necessary, because Nene also has other friends and people who support her and is pretty clever and capable of bearing problems on her own (most of the time). Yet Kou still treats Nene like some damsel in distress that need his protection when it's CLEARLY not like that. Sadly, Kou mostly fails anyway. He fails now with Mitsuba and if it comes to Nene, if she needs saving, the person who (usually) saves her is Hanako. Kou rarely has something he can actually do and it's cracking him up mentally.

Yeah, “I’m supernatural who grants wishes” not “I’m a ghost of a boy who once lived in this town”. Yeah. It was right here from the beginning.

I just hope it’s not a form of foreshadowing.

His last words were “Minamoto-kun”, it's so sad. On this last panel he actually looked a little brighter than on the previous panel of his transformation, and that's because he looked at Kou. 

I need to say, seeing a person you treat important to you and calling a friend dying in a horrible way and hearing their last words being your name must be pretty stressful. It would probably haunt me for a long time and I’m sure Kou is still affected by it.

On the 20 chapter cover Mitsuba is together with the rest of the main squad (Nene, Hanako, Kou). It was pretty weird back then - he literally died and looks like he was going to be a one-arc character that started Kous character development, but this cover was a hint that it's going to be different and Mitsuba, probably, is going to play a whole different role in the story. He, also, had a hand around Kous head and nearly touched his hair gently - its a symbol of intimacy. 

That was a proof how strong, narratively, their relationship is and is going to be during the progression of a story. And, in my opinion, a foreshadowing to Mitsubas feelings. Because I think currently, our Mitsuba is aware of his feelings toward Kou, but I’m going to cover this topic a little bit later. 

On this cover there is a lot more symbolism,especially with Hanako and his role in the story, but it's also a thing for a whole different post. 

What Tsukasa said was that Mitsubas wish was ‘“ want to stay with my friends forever and ever”.

That’s literally what I said earlier. 

It’s a recurring topic with current!Mitsuba and his relationship with Kou.  Mitsuba feels lonely and… Kou also feels lonely. Even if he has a brother, father and friends (Nene and Hanako and other school friends) Kou is incredibly lonely because of his inferiority complex. He desperately needed to be needed, needed to be special to someone, needed to be important to someone, and that person was Mitsuba. Right now, he is the most important person to Mitsuba and that's both good and very bad for Kou. Good because he finally feels like someone important and someones one and only, but bad because of how traumatic his relationship with Mitsuba is to him and how unhealthy it is. And by it I don’t mean  they’re toxic or bad people - they are kids who want to be loved and who want to have their place in the world. But Mitsuba is a monster, he is a supernatural, whos life is stained away by his instinct, who needs to eat other monsters and who does not really… have any actual bright future and Kou is traumatized boy with low self estem, problems with his selfworth, with martyr complex and some sort of suicidal tendencies. They have a lot to work out.

Kou is going to be a supernatural / is going to try to be a supernatural / is going to be forced to be supernatural - hint number one. 

Yes, I will go back to this topic, because I’m literally scared of it so much. It's prominent during the whole story that Kou is foreshadowed to have a plotline related to becoming supernatural in some way. And when this topic is touched it's usually related to his plotline with Mitsuba. I’m kind of scared of HOW it’s going to happen or if it’s going to be only a try or Kou really will become supernatural in some way. But it's too much of a recurring topic of Kous WHOLE character arc to not being important and to not happen. It's even hard to call it foreshadowing, its literal hints everywhere. 

Kou spent with Mitsuba literally… one day, outside of being in the same class for a while (Kou didn’t even remember this time THAT much, time they spend together this day was more important) and yet he CLINGED SO HARD to the idea that Mitsuba is his “friend”. He desperately needed to be wanted, needed, to have a special bond, to being able to help, to save someone. And yet he lost Mitsuba at this moment, he couldn't do shit to save him, he was absolutely… just useless during a fight. It affected him a lot. 

During the scene when Hanako “kills” Mitsuba, there are sakura petals. They’re heavily associate with Mitsuba and are one of his symbols:

This scene, narratively was a scene that said to us he is GONE. For good. It was a “goodbye” for him and Kou, he is dead. That's all. At this point we couldn't know we are going to meet current!Mitsuba, so we could thing that is the end of Mitsuba and the beginning of a Kous arc. And… it was both of these things but in the whole DIFFERENT meaning. Of course it was goodbye to the Sousuke, he is dead, he can’t come back. Of course it was a beginning for Kous development. But… it was also a beginning for our current!Mitsuba, for slowly progressing Kous insanity as an effect of his trauma and the beginning for Mitsuba and Kous actual arc and relationship. We thought it was the end but it was actually the beginning that changed… the whole Kou, to be honest.

I think it's related not only to Mitsuba but to Hanako, too. Imagine what Hanako could feel at that moment. He is a ghost and a supernatural who know how doomed he is and he only protects school and Nene. But Kou said it's bullshit and clearly believes in what he says. Sadly, Hanako is so stubborn.

One of the symbols related to Kou is a lion. Lions may symbolize a lot of things, like strength, courage but also - protection. Just like Kou tries to protect everyone and tries to be strong and courageous for others. I actually think it suits him quite well. Lions also symbolize the sun and it was shown a few times that Kou is like a sun to Mitsuba.

At some point of a story he is definitely going to do some crazy shit I’m telling you. He really tries to believe that he can find a way to change how the world works and it can end up good but.. it can also end up INCREDIBLY BAD. It’s not that good to mess up with life and death and when you cross up a border there is no coming back. With every arc the manga is becoming a little bit more dark and serious with topic it shows and och boy I’m kind of scared for Kou and Mitsuba.

You can literally hear me crying. It was probably the first moment in the manga that actually had any impact on me, I was really like… I had to stand and walk for a bit before reading. Kou sees a photo of himself and remembers Sousuke saying “Who knows? Maybe something important to me?” and starting crying was like. I wanted to cry too. I can’t even imagine what Kou felt at this moment, it was probably absolutely heartbreaking. 

This small arc finished with chapter 20.During the next arc, Kou, already  affected by Mitsubas death, gets to know that Nene also has a shortened lifespan and it's going to die very shortly. That wasn’t too good for his mental state and he literally fixated on a goal in saving her. When Kou learned about Nene’s situation, Hanako even related it to Mitsubas situation, so we can clearly understand these two examples are related to Kou. He doesn’t want this situation to happen again.

“Just like with this boy, there is nothing you can do” - Hanako you little shit

But yeah. Again Kou understands how useless he is. How weak he is, how he can’t save anyone the way he is. How he could do nothing about Mitsubas situation and how he can’t do nothing about Nene’s situation. That's tragic. And it's clear Kou doesn’t know what to do about it. Thats why, when current!Mitsuba appeared, he started to find such a ridiculous (and unhealthy) solutions to Mitsubas (and Kous) problems. He don't know what to do but desperately needs to do… something. Anything. To help, to be important. 

It's sad. He said he dont know what he is gonna do, but HE WILL DO SOMETHING. And yet… we know how it all goes for him. He is a brave kid, who is determined and wants others to be happy and alive. 

He even tried to stop a kiss between Hanako and Nene after reading Nenes book and failed. He always fails.

There is also an special page

It is titled “Love stories” that should be about Mitsuba. And it contains both Mitsuba and Kou. It's just a joke, but I need to point out that Mitsuba generally wasn’t shown to be interested in any girl during the progression of the story or never talked about it in general. He also does not crush on Nene, even when both Hanako and Kou felt something toward her at some point in the story.He also talks about how cute he is A LOT and I’m going to say something about it someday, but not now.

I think it's enough for part 1! I think I covered everything I wanted for their first meeting. Let's see at Mitsubas resurrection in the Hell of Mirrors!

[johnslittlespoon]

okay mota part 4 spoilers:

that was so much better than the last episode!! felt less rushed, got to dive into the characters a bit more, cool to see the town and surroundings and stuff. and the opening scene of gale... WHEW.

really fuckin disappointed (tho not surprised) that there was literally just one mention of curt and it was just when they were listing people who died. a month timeskip, no mourning, not even an offhand comment from gale or john or any of the guys and i didn't really expect otherwise but it was still nice to have silly hope the past week lol. altho there was that moment where gale and john were both kinda unspoken-ly bitter? sad? about the people they had lost but they never directly commented on it.

but i did love getting a bit of character development, seeing the guys get to have some fun, watching gale and john look at each other like idiots in love (the way gale watched john talk back to his superior?? the way john watched gale dance with meatball?? smitten idiots.) but also that scene with john talking back was very much 'i'm in pain so i'm trying to self sabotage by getting people angry enough at me to hit me so i can feel something' vibes, like plane wing 2.0 except no one will hit the way curt did. :(

and the sex scene good LORD. god. felt like an unintentional apology for the emotional turmoil of the last episode LOL. i'm gnawing on john's thighs and i would have folded so fast if i were that woman, i would not have been leaving that room in the morning.

the end was pretty devastating except i think i know what's up with gale's crew and obv they're not killing him off, glad we at least got john's reaction to him not making it back. i was predicting he'd have a little bit of a dive off the deep end thinking he lost his other closest friend and i'm pretty sure him asking to be put in the next mission is that.

there are so many more scenes i really liked but i'm fuckin terrible at names, it's a wonder i even remember the main three lmaooo so not gonna go there and this blog was mainly made for shippy fic writing/brainrot so <3

anyway on the fruity side of things, once i figure out how to yoink clips from apple, there were so many cute buck x bucky scenes that i will be editing to hell!! it felt a little heart healing to get scenes of them being happy together. that's allllll, hope ur enjoying/enjoyed the episode too ^^

[mothman-can-write]

hi !!! i saw u said you were open for prompts, i mean this is kinda less of a prompt really, but like i loved that blackhill mission transcript thing you did a while ago and would be really cool to see some more stuff in the same vein ig ! but also maybe something like a kinda blackhill first meeting kinda thing idk !! i just love your work tho ! you really have the ability to make me feel all the emotions

OOOOO i just thought of this whilst writing this but maybe something like with clint teasing nat ab having like feelings for maria or something ?? idk i just love ur writing ! sorry these are kinda shitty hahah

NGL I took this prompt and mangled it in my hands. I heard first meeting and my brain was immediately like well that could go seventeen thousand different ways, so I sorta mashed in Clint's teasing to go along with it and made it a little more suggestive than outright shippy. Realistically, I think if Natasha is only meeting Maria for the first time, she's probably still in a place where she's not totally open to such self indulgent things as having a crush

Also, this isn't a mission transcript but I'd love to do more of them that one was really fun! I just don't really have any good ideas for the sort of things they'd have to talk about in the field besides dying haha

ANYWAY enough rambling, though you're all familiar with my inability to shut up these days. ~3k under the cut of Clint being a ballache and nat being sceptical but gay

The only person that doesn’t treat Natasha like she’s a project – or a live wire –  is Clint. He’d had his fair share of looking at her with those careful eyes, something behind them that made her teeth itch in her gums like some trained dog. He doesn’t do that so much anymore, not unless she’s in a particular state and doing a very bad job at hiding it. She likes him, she thinks. He might be one of the first people in her entire life that she can truly say she likes. 

Naturally, she finds herself in his quarters more often than her own. She lays on his bed as he works on something probably explosive enough to kill them both if he sneezes, and she ignores the pip of her emails as she braids a small strip of hair under her ear. She’s bored, if she’s honest, but she doesn’t want to waste her first free morning of the past fortnight on something so trivial as emails. Or helping Clint. 

“You not gonna answer her?” he says without looking up from his work. He holds it close to his face, something far too small in his tweezers. 

Natasha’s fingers pause in untangling her braid. “How do you know who it is?” 

He still doesn’t turn in his seat, matter of fact when he speaks. “You have a different tone for Hill.” 

“How did you figure that out?” She tries not to scowl at him, but she still isn’t used to feeling so see-through. Quite frankly, she’d like to be as opaque as possible, but she seems to have grown rather attached to someone with x-ray vision. 

Clint puts his miniature contraption down and turns to her at last. She’s not fond of the smile on his face as he leans over the back of his chair. “You’re not the only spy on the ship. Also, you weren’t trying very hard to hide it.” 

“Her emails are usually more important,” Natasha argues, not quite sure why she feels the need to defend herself on it. 

Clint grins ever wider. “I never asked why. I just thought you had a massive crush on her.” 

Natasha scowls fully this time. “I’ve never met her.” 

He shrugs. “I don’t know what’s in those emails.” 

“Shut up.” 

She reaches for her phone anyway and pointedly ignores the way Clint watches her. The email is much the same as they always are, telling her about meetings and progress and such. She’s overtly professional in every one, but now that she’s thinking about it, Natasha likes the words she uses – just slightly like she enjoyed reading dictionaries as a child. Very, very rarely, Maria will let something slip in her emails that is almost like humour, and Natasha doesn’t tell Clint that she actually does enjoy receiving emails from her just for the fact that she feels a little special when that happens. She’s heard the rumours; she knows not to expect giggles and grins when it comes to the Assistant Director. 

In the end, she doesn’t bother to respond to the email anyway and Clint has already turned back to his work. “Not in the mood to sext her back?” 

She scowls at the back of his head. “It sounds like Laura needs to watch her back.” 

“Oh, god,” he laughs. “Gross. Absolutely not. Not my type.” 

“What makes you think she’s mine?” 

“You need someone to match your weirdness.” 

Natasha wishes she had something to throw at him. She won’t admit that she intrigues her in small ways. She doubts she’s any different from every other CEO and government lead in the world, but some small part of her feels thankful to her faceless emails. She could’ve easily overridden Clint’s choice, could’ve had her put down before she could even think to beg for forgiveness. But she’d given her a chance, and she’d kept in contact despite her supposed overbooked schedule every day since. Maria held her life in her hands at one point, and she’d given her another shot at it. 

Despite everything, Natasha still doesn’t sleep well. Or, rather, because of everything, she supposes. One good month doesn’t erase a lifetime of bad – and she’s really a little hesitant to say that this month has even been good in many senses of the word. She wonders if the nights will ever get easier on her with time, or if she’s stuck with these hours of restlessness and sweat for the rest of her life. It’s not a nice thing to think about, and it doesn’t really do all that much to distract her from the shadows that still play behind her eyelids or the way the shapes of the room still seem to swim around the edges. So, she swings her legs over the side of her bed and scrubs at her face with her hands. She can appreciate, at the very least, that she isn’t handcuffed to her bed here. Somehow, that had been a hard thing to get used to. She still sleeps with one arm by the headboard. 

There aren't many things to do at this hour. Clint has told her countless times that she’s perfectly welcome to pester him at any time of the night if it would make her feel even minutely better. He says he understands, and she believes him enough from the way his past lines his own face, but it doesn’t make it any easier to put into practice. 

She doesn’t have a plan as she steps out into the corridors. She dresses like she’s going to the gym on the off chance that she might be able to sneak into it and punch something until she’s sweaty for reasons more tangible. She wishes the firing range was usable at this hour, but she’s sure that’s much less subtle. Still, there are some nightmares you can only really feel better by shooting at. Maybe she’ll bat her eyelashes into an hour or so at the targets tomorrow. 

She passes the odd agent as she trails around the corridors and considers that the ship never really sleeps entirely. There’s always someone on the night shift, always someone pottering around with something. She thinks it would be nice to work when it’s so quiet. Maybe she should ask about changing her hours. It might be a little soon. 

The gym isn’t so far from her quarters, and by the time she reaches it her shirt still feels sticky at her back and her stomach still feels like it’s alive in her ribcage. Her hopes are low enough to limbo as she presses her hand to the door, and she could almost sigh with relief when the door opens easily. She’s not against breaking in, but she likes to think she’s been doing a pretty good job of building a better reputation lately. Maybe not socially, but Maria’s emails haven’t managed to sound short lately – not since the last time she’d bypassed what she maintains was a criminally simple encryption on one of Clint’s jobs. 

The gym is utterly silent at this time of the morning, which is entirely unsurprising. She doubts anyone else sensible gets out of bed for another hour or two, let alone starts their training regime. Generally, agents are allowed the privilege of breakfast before they’re worked to the bone. Natasha’s never been a fan of food so early in the morning. 

She doesn’t really know when she fell out of the habit of scanning each room on this ship like someone will be waiting to haul her out of it, and she blames it firmly on her lack of sleep and nightmare slurred thoughts when she doesn’t notice the other body in the gym until it’s too late. 

“I did wonder,” someone says, and Natasha’s attention snaps to one of the benches on the far side, half covered from the entrance. 

It takes Natasha an almost embarrassingly drawn out moment to place her features, and she’s sure she only half succeeds in hiding her surprise into an intrigued eyebrow. The Assistant Director didn’t really strike her as the type to be in the gym when everyone is supposed to be sleeping. 

“Wonder what?” she asks instead of every other question that gnaws at her head. She stays firmly planted in the middle of the room. 

“Who would come in at this time.” 

Oh. She’s not wondering about Natasha. She doesn’t really know what that feels a mote disappointing. She hates it when Clint asks how she’s sleeping. Maybe she just doesn’t like lying to him. 

“I thought it would be empty.” 

Maria places her water bottle beside her on the bench and makes absolutely no move to stand up yet. Somehow, Natasha finds it unnerving, even if she’s taller here. “It usually is,” she says simply. 

Her eyes bore into her in a way that makes the back of her neck crawl. Something about her says that she’s calculating, that she’s looking at Natasha and breaking her down into little bite sized pieces. Natasha has never liked being dissected. Maria’s eyes are very blue. 

“Do you usually spend your mornings here?” she asks, if only to stop Maria from burning holes into her skull and reading her thoughts directly. 

It works, in the way that her gaze flicks away for the briefest moment before pinning her again in that same cool tone. “I guess you could call this morning.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” 

Maria’s eyes soften ever so slightly around the corners, and Natasha would almost call it a squint. “I’ve made a bit of a habit at this point, yes.”

She almost seems reluctant to admit it, and Natasha can’t help the way she wants to pick this woman apart. She has always liked puzzles, and people are just some of the more complex the world has to offer. She thinks she understands the rumours a little more now, even through this uncanny meeting. She wonders if Maria feels her own searching gaze as intently. 

Maria stands at last, and Natasha had almost forgotten how tall she is. She thinks she preferred it when she was sitting. “Don’t let me stop you,” she says, and Natasha is silently thankful for the way that answers her question. Again, not that she wouldn’t break the rules. It’s just much harder to make an excuse when the Assistant Director is the one who catches you. 

“I would’ve expected the AD to send me back to my quarters,” she notes, as forward as ever when it gets her information. She’ll admit this woman seems to be intriguing. She’s curious as to just why she’s indulging her so far. 

Maria’s expressions are all very small, mere suggestions of emotions that only make Natasha want to pick her apart. “That would make me more of a hypocrite than I already am,” she says simply, almost smiling. “Are you getting on okay?” she asks instead , and her eyes are on her like she’s deciphering her again. She’s closer now, making direct eye contact, and Natasha holds it like a game. “Besides the obvious, of course.” 

Natasha tries not to scowl. God, does she hate when people pretend like they know her. “What’s the obvious?” 

Maria raises one eyebrow ever so slightly, her expression caught somewhere to amusement. “Did the Red Room have you in the routine of training at four in the morning?” 

“Sometimes.” They both know that’s not the reason that she’s here, as much as Natasha wishes Maria didn’t. 

Her eyes are almost soft. Almost like she truly cares about her. Natasha doesn’t like to let herself believe the sort of things that might cost her later. “Half of the people on this ship struggle with it, Romanoff,” she says, nearly gentle in the silence around them. “You don’t have to be ashamed of it.” 

She can almost imagine her setting a heavy hand on her shoulder as she says it, though Maria remains in her own space. She’s still slightly too close for what Natasha is used to however, and it’s the first time she realises the darkness under her eyes. Her face is lined, something bone deep that she doubts ever goes away. It lends her a certain sort of…imperfection that makes her seem a whole lot more human. For everything she’s heard, though she knows to take gossip with a healthy grain of salt, she could almost imagine Hill to be some sort of robot, some living excel sheet. 

Standing in front of her, she sort of just looks like a woman who could do with some sleep. She looks like a woman who has spent the last who-knows-how-many hours beating out her own past the same way Natasha intends to. She won’t call it affection. It doesn’t mean Natasha likes the way she looks straight through her any more. 

“You have any tips?” she says, aiming for something playful. She really, really just wants her to stop looking at her like she can figure her out right here in the middle of the room. Maybe if she seems better than she is, she’ll leave her alone. She’d rather her conduct a genuine vivisection out on the boxing ring floor if she’s going to continue to examine her. 

She’s certain Maria almost smiles at that, a tug at the corner of her lips that is almost sad, almost conspirational. She shrugs ever so slightly. “Shooting things usually helps.” 

Natasha tries not to scowl like a child. As if she wouldn’t be there right now if she could get away with it. “I’m on supervised arms training.” 

This time, Maria does smile, though Natasha thinks she’d have missed it if she blinked. “Not from tomorrow,” she says plainly, and Natasha can only watch her walk away without another word. 

The door closes behind her, and Natasha lets herself furrow her eyebrows as deeply as she likes. She is overtly aware that she is not being let off of supervised training tomorrow. She’s aware that she has been seen as a weapon and an explosive since the moment Clint forgot that he was meant to shoot her. Somehow, she doesn’t think that Maria is one to tease. 

It makes it very hard to punch things as effectively as she’d like to when she can only think after Maria. She wonders what keeps her up at night. She wonders what else she does to get rid of the shadows. She wonders why on earth she would let her off of the hook so early. For all they know, Natasha might decide to defect back. She might’ve been biding her time until she could get a hand on one of those guns outside of the range. She’d never even dream of it, of course. She’d rather be supervised for every split second a gun is in her hands for the rest of her life than have to go back to her life before. She wonders just how deep Maria managed to dig. She wonders if she really is all that transparent after all. 

She finds herself in Clint’s quarters again as thoughtlessly as breathing. Every spare minute in her schedule that lines up with his, she’ll spend hiding from the rest of the world. This time, she’s sitting in his chair, her knees resting against the edge of his desk so that she can spin it slightly from side to side. Clint is behind her in his bunk, his arms tucked up behind his head and his eyes closed. It’s only 2pm. Natasha wishes she could have a nap too. 

“Is she always like that?” she says on a whim, her thoughts still stuck on tired eyes and snap decisions. 

“Like what?” Clint asks, completely brushing over her lack of context. 

“So…intense.” 

“Ah, we’re back on Hill. Yes.” He falls silent again, and Natasha listens to his breath. “Hold on.” His eyes open and his head turns on his pillow to face her. “Did you meet her? When?” 

“This morning.” 

“You were at the range this morning.” 

“Before that.”

“You were asleep before that.” She doesn’t answer, and that tells him everything in as little effort as possible. “Natasha.” 

She doesn’t meet his eye. “It’s better than moping.” 

“You don’t need to mope. You can come wake me up.” 

“But then you don’t sleep.” 

“Tasha, do you really think I’m sleeping well either half the time?” 

She stays silent again, staring intently at the dimples Clint’s chair has made in the carpet. 

“How did you even find her?” he asks eventually, giving up the argument for the countless time. “She’s practically booked to the minute.” 

“She was in the gym when I got there.” 

“I’m going to skip over the fact that you’d rather punch something until you bleed than come and bug me. Was it worth it? Was she all sweaty and hot? Did you two finally canoodle in person?” 

She doesn’t dignify his jokes with a response, her thoughts plain in her expression. “I don’t think she sleeps well either. She looked tired.” 

Clint grins a little. “You paying attention to her face?”

Natasha scowls at him. “It’s normal to look someone in the eye.” 

“Mhm…” He retucks his arms under his head, settling back against his pillow. “It’s for sure normal to think about them all morning.” 

“She took me off of probation,” she says, almost in a rush, like maybe this will change the subject – maybe a little bit like she’s admitting something. 

“Oh you definitely have a crush on her. It’s like she’s trying to get in your pants. Remind me never to read your emails.” 

Natasha only squints at him, wishing once again that she had something appropriate to throw. The urge distracts her enough that she never does reject the notion. And when she finds herself imagining Maria’s secret little smile in those few and far casual emails, she decides that Clint doesn’t need to know. She’s not been given many chances in her life, and she thinks she could make space in her life for two instead of one. She wonders if Maria would ever want a gym buddy on long nights and promptly decides not to think any deeper into it. 

[thescholarlystrumpet]

Tagged by @tawnyontumblr Thank you, luv! This is fun!

How many works do you have on ao3?

166 formatting is being weird without a sentence here

What's your total ao3 word count?

910,348 - ahhh approaching 1M!!

What fandoms do you write for?

Good Omens and (to a lesser extent) Hazbin Hotel right now. Past fandoms included Rumbelle, Whouffaldi, Buffy, and Avenue 5

Top five fics by kudos:

To Tell the Truth (Doctor Who) Whouffaldi moments woven between episodes. Mostly canon-compliant.

Lending a Hand (Good Omens) In his heavenly form he wouldn’t have had this dilemma at all because there was no corporeality with which to struggle. And on the other, much less ephemeral and much more literal hand, he currently had a very noticeable (and increasingly painful) erection.

Personal Assistance (The Thick of It/Doctor Who) Clara Oswald leaves behind teaching to enter the world of British politics. What better way to make a splash than by working for the infamous Malcolm Tucker? And if discovering a (mutual) attraction happens to catch them both off-guard.... well, that's just life, right?

The Babysitter (Once Upon a Time) Tumblr prompt: Mr. Gold forgets something at his house & goes back to go get it. When he arrives he hears his son's babysitter moaning and thinks she has a boy over. When he goes into his bedroom he finds her touching herself on his bed alone moaning his name.

None of Your Business (Once Upon a Time) “Well, it’s very nice to meet you at last, Angus.” She rolled his name around in her mouth as though she hadn’t been screaming it the night before. Mr. Gold tries to balance lust and trust with less finesse than he'd like to admit. Luckily, Belle can give as good as she gets.

Do you respond to comments?

I've made it a goal to try and reply to almost every comment. I'm grateful someone took the time!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh undoubtedly Silence is Golden. I made my self tear up writing that one...

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them? But I will take this chance to pimp my Canon-based Buffy Season Six Fix-it! (Everyone lives!): Making the Pieces Fit

Only totally non-shippy fic in my repertoire and one of my proudest achievements.

Do you get hate on fics?

rarely if ever?

Do you write smut?

Bwahahahahahaha. Oh. Yes.

Craziest crossover:

Not Just Watching Anymore - Buffy/Good Omens excuse to write an M/M/M threesome between Aziraphale, Crowley, and Giles :D

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, back in the rumbelle days, someone linked me to a site trying to sell my fic as theirs and we reported it.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

If they did, no one ever linked back to me :(

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Working on one with @hakunahistata tho we've both been sidetracked by Bang fics, hehe. It's gonna be great to get back!

All time favorite ship?

Oof. I love all my OTPs but I'm definitely *deep* in Aziracrow right now and hope not to emerge any time soon.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO. MANY.

What are your writing strengths?

I get good feedback on my dialogue and characterization. I think I write pretty kickass smut most the time.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Background. What color are the walls? Where is the furniture? I have no fucking clue unless its relevant to the story. That table only existed when I needed the character to lean against it. It wasn't raining until that helped set the mood. Some people write exquisite scene setting and I am envious but writing it bores me to tears.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

One of my IRL besties can read a bunch of ancient languages and WILL side eye improper grammatical structure in fiction so I picture them giving me that look unless I do the really proper research (or ask them directly).

First fandom you wrote in?

unofficially HP but per my AO3, Once Upon a Time

Favorite fic you've written?

Ask me to cut my baby in half while you're at it, geez! But right now, I am proudest of For Loving One 

No pressure tagging: @voluptatiscausa, @naromoreau, @fishey-me @ineffabildaddy @she-makes-things @hakunahistata @nosferatini @zin-lynn-c and anyone from the @goodomensafterdark crew!

[burr-ell]

I was scrolling through some older shippy posts and I saw one that said something along the lines of “oh vex and keyleth definitely fuck when percys not around.” And I’m thinking vex wouldn’t cheat on percy with anyone let alone keyleth. also really don’t like when people say “oh when one day percy dies vex and keyleth would get together” that’s one is more recent I saw. And I know people want keyleth to move on, but why would she move one with her dead boyfriend’s twin sister, that seems really weird to me. Like, wouldn’t that just keep the grief alive? Would good would that do for either of them? And when percy does pass, I don’t think vex would just be like “hey keyleth my husband died wanna get together?” Anyway what’s your thoughts on this?

Honestly, the fanon for Vex/Keyleth suffers from a similar cadre of self insert fanfic issues as the fanon for Vax/Keyleth—a lot of people have projected themselves onto Keyleth, who gets watered down to an uber-powerful goddess-like figure whose only flaw is that she doesn't believe in herself and she can be both supported and ✨shown the ways of love✨ by a hot broody love interest who's so perfect and good and always there to gush over how great she is no matter what. Keyleth's anger and self-righteousness, Vax's possessiveness and recklessness (and genuine love for Gilmore), and/or Vex's attraction to darkness and clashing style of leadership are all completely ignored.

At the end of the day, every one of those types of posts is basically saying "well once Laura Bailey Character's beloved husband has died of old age and she's a free agent after ~70 years of marriage and bearing at least five of his children, then she can FINALLY be with Marisha Ray Character. What was her name? Kayleigh? Idk but Laura PC and Marisha PC should definitely fuck tho". And like, you must REALLY not like either Vex or Keyleth if you'd inflict them on each other for reasons indiscernible to people who pay attention to this show for longer than it takes to cherry-pick supercut clips. They would make each other miserable, for reasons you cited and others.

Also, in terms of getting with Keyleth when the human spouse dies: Kima's right there!

[lynx-doodles-indie-games]

hello!!

i'm not sure what to put in a pinned post yet, but i'll just get things going from here!

please do send me asks for doodling characters from indie games! or for indie games to put on my radar!

no NSFW requests please! i might make sensual doodles here or there, but nothing explicit or NSFW. if you're uncomfy with that, i will tag them with " #for the senses " for blacklisting purposes

i will tag for spoilers! for games that are one word, i will use the tag "#[gamename] spoilers", but for games that have multiple words, i will use the tag "#[abbreviation] spoilers".

i will only draw OCs if i want to. please do not request i draw any OC be it yours or another's, i will simply delete the ask. my OCs will be under the tag #my ocs and other people's OCs will be under the tag #others ocs.

i like shippy stuff as much as the next guy, but please do not request any shippy stuff. that is for me to indulge in when i feel like it. platonic, familial, and other such relationships are fair game tho.

i now have a ko-fi! toss a buck or two my way if you wish :D

if you want a list for what indie games i'm cool with doodling upon request, just have a peek below the cut! if you don't see a game or game category listed there, feel free to ask anyway!

indie games i've completed

ABZÛ

bug fables

chicory

DELTARUNE

dust: an elysian tail

everhood

grimm's hollow

hollow knight

journey

OFF

oneshot

ori and the blind forest

ori and the will of the wisps

(umbrella tag for both ori games here!)

rain world (plus downpour!)

worldless

indie games i haven't played or completed, but am okay with making doodles for. feel free to expand this list by requesting games that aren't on this list! (*this means i've begun playing it or tried to play it)

celeste*

darkest dungeon

dead cells

a hat in time

hyper light drifter*

moonlighter*

omori

pseudoregalia

recettear*

risk of rain classic, returns, and 2

shelter

shovel knight* (completed shovel of hope, not the others)

solar ash

starbound

terraria

them's fightin' herds

ultrakill

undertale

yume nikki

there are some games i do not wish to make any doodles for. if someone requests a doodle from any of these games, i will simply delete the ask. i don't have any ill will towards any of these games, they're simply not my cup of tea, or i don't like them, or i don't think i could do them justice! i'm not elaborating which is which.

99% of horror games, especially mascot horror games (PLEASE MIND THIS BLANKET BAN)

cattails

hades and its sequel

nexomon

sea of stars

skullgirls

stardew valley

temtem

warframe

adding games i wish to get to one day but until then i will not draw them!

animal well

bō: path of the teal lotus

cassette beasts

ENDER LILIES

in stars and time

inscryption

nine sols

outer wilds

silksong

TUNIC