#not gonna say everything here but holy shit I feel awful

[honeysucklethornsandalligtrhorns]

vent in tags😋

[tomscumdump]

ROOM 483

-18+

”TOM over here!!” I yell out desperately, his gaze shifting over to my direction nearly giving me a heart attack. his tongue peeks out as he plays around with his piercing, a sheepish giggle leaving my mouth. i hold out my cd for him to sign, and while he does we hold eye contact. I thank him, then reach into my back pocket for a tiny piece of paper.

he smirks as his eyes light up. he takes it, shoving it into his pocket then leaning down into my ear. “wait for me here hm? I’ll be back for you schatz.” he coos, I feel my heart race. he leans back with that seductive smirk still on his face. I nod my head vigorously, unable to speak.

a ragged “okay..!” leaves my lips, he can obviously tell how nervous I was.. hell I was practically shaking. he continued walking, my eyes stayed glued on him as he walked off. but he turned around slightly, he throws me a quick wink before turning around once again..

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✮ 

it had been a while now, I took some time to go back to the hotel I was staying at and fix myself up.. I headed back to the venue me and tom had that encounter at, hoping he’d actually show up and not just get my hopes up. while I waited on my phone, I felt a large pair of hands shake around my waist, holding me close.

my eyes widened at the sudden action, I turned to my side and saw tom. my eyes lit up and I felt my breathing get heavy again, of course I wasn’t gonna scream and shout like a crazy fan.. he’d think I’m weird and ditch me here. I brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and spoke “.. hey.” I giggled, I stood up straight. his eyes shifting from mine to my cleavage, the tiny crop top I had wore had my tits basically falling out.

of course I saw this, but I didn’t mind. I liked it.

he chuckled he took a moment to speak, his eyes analyzing my fragile and pure figure. I could tell his mind was racing with dirty thoughts on how he’d destroy me..

“wanna come back to my hotel sweetheart?” I didn’t understand why he said it like a question. any girl with a brain would say yes, I nodded my head. my cheeks flashing a rosy shade of pink, he nodded and held me close as we began to walk to his car..

after a few minutes of us talking through the drive, we made it to his hotel. and holy shit this place has ‘fancy’ written all over it.. my eyes widened at the pretty luxury hotel I was staring at, he got out of the car first. walking over to my door and opening it for me, I smirked as he held my hand helping me exit the car.

I felt like everything was going by so fast, before I knew it we were at his hotel door. as I waited for him to unlock the door with his little keycard, I saw the number..

“room 483..” I mumble, a smirk tugging at my lips. he opens the door, holding it open for me as I enter. I look around in awe, I walk over to his bed and sit down slowly. he comes over and sits next to me, I turn to face him as he brushes a strand of my hair out of my face gently.

“so, anything you feel like doing..?” he grins, I got completely lost in his eyes. I completely ignored his words, his eyes like a drug.. so intoxicating and beautiful. I was a bit hesitant to speak, but my mind said otherwise.. “can I kiss you?” I blurt out, his eyes widen slightly as an amused smirk forms on his lips. my cheeks flash red as I realized what I said.

I couldn’t help myself, I felt stupid. I wanted to apologize but I couldn’t.. I was so nervous and scared I was gonna speak but my thoughts were quickly cut off by his ragged hands grasping my face, our lips wasting no time to interlock. his lip piercing stung against my lips, the feeling like nothing I’ve felt before. he bites down on my bottom lip gently, a moan erupting into the kiss. his tongue slips into my mouth, mine doing the same as they fight for dominance. tom obviously winning.

at this point moans and whines were being filled into the kiss. his hands grasped for the straps of my top, pulling away from the kiss for a moment to slide off my shirt. my cheeks flush a slight red, clearly getting a bit flustered. his hands snake around my back and toy with the clasp of my bra “may I?” he asks, staring into my eyes with a smirk on his face. I nod my head, I chew on the inside of my cheek nervously.

tom quickly unclasped my bra with ease, he throws my bra somewhere on the floor letting my breast spill out as tom watched intently. his lips instantly connected with mine again. “s’fucking gorgeous..” he groaned into the kiss. his hands holding my tits, his thumb grazing and rubbing over my hardened nipples.

I pulled away from the kiss for a breath, a strand of our mixed saliva stretching then snapping. a breathy giggle lift my lips as we both panted. tom gently pushed me down onto the bed. he stood between my legs as he slid his shirt off, his toned body sending shivers down my spine. his hands gripped my hips as he leaned down, his lips attaching to my neck.

a satisfied moan poured out of my lips as he marked hickeys all over me, his kisses only got lower and lower eventually reaching my bare stomach. his hands moved down to my shorts, he looked up for approval. I nodded while biting my lip, his veiny hands undoing my shorts quickly. pulling them off throwing them somewhere around the room, joining my bra.

his fingertips hooked around my panties, pulling those off aswell. I began to get a little shy, my legs instinctively attempted to shut. tom grasped my thigh, holding my legs open. his free hand dipping into my folds, collecting my wetness.

a soft whine left my lips, he chuckled and looked up at me. his tongue lapped around my sensitive clit. I gasped in pleasure as he continued to lick me up and down at an unbearable slow pace.

then without a warning he slammed two of his fingers into me. I yelled out as my back arched, my mouth gaped open but no sounds coming out. while he pumped his fingers into me quickly, he continued to flick his tongue on my clit.

“you taste s’good baby..” he hummed against me, his words only turning me on more. I felt that knot begin to form in my stomach, my chest heaving up and down trying to speak.

he then pulled his fingers out almost all the way, then ramming then back into me harshly. he curled his fingers, hitting that spongy spot in me perfectly. “m’gonna c— nghhh!” I whine I could feel him smirk against me. his fingers continued to pump and curl into me quickly, sending me the edge. “cum f’me baby…” he cooed with a grin on his face, his words was all I needed to hear.

my vision goes blurry as my eyes slightly water. my stomach caves in as my legs shake, my hands slamming onto the white sheets as I grasp them harshly. pure bliss is all I could feel, tom slides his fingers out slowly. he plants a small kiss between my inner thigh before licking his middle and ring finger clean, then dipping his tongue back into my folds. licking me up, tasting all of me.

a breathy chuckle leaves my lips as he leans back up to my face, his lips moving against mine passionately. the taste of me against his lips making me cringe, he pulls away and plants sweet soft kisses along my neck. his hand slowly trails back down to my swollen clit, a small whine leaving my lips into the kiss.

my hand trails down his body, the bulge in his jeans being very obvious. he pulls away from the kiss, a small breathy whine leaving his lips. I place my palm on his hard erection, rubbing my hand up and down at an aching slow pace.

I glanced up at him, our eyes locking immediately. I could feel the burning heat begin to form against my wet cunt again. tom smirked, seeing the desperation on my face. he hoisted me up with ease, my legs straddling his waist as he held me close.

“you gonna let me fuck you, hm?” he chuckles lowly into my ear, planting kisses and bites against my neck. “yes— fuck I need you s’bad..” I whine, my hips voluntarily bucking against his.

he sets my bare body down on the bed, he slides of his pants along with his boxers. his hardened dick springing out, precum leaking out of him. my eyes slightly widen at the size of him, good god this man was huge..

he grins at my reaction. his veiny hand grasping my thigh, spreading me open. a glint of lust in his eyes as his gaze meets my glistening wet pussy once again.

he holds the base of his cock, pumping himself a few times before his tip meets my swollen clit. I watch intently, my lips plump and red as I bite down harshly.

he lets out a low groan as he rubs himself between my wet folds slowly. “oh f-fuck please…” a needy sigh escapes my lips. he grins and teases my entrance, my hips bucking desperately. “please what liebe, use your words..”

his tip dipping in and out of me, my hips rolling hungry for more. “fuck me— mhhh please..” I drag out. my desperate begs and pleas was all he needed to hear, he slides himself in with ease due to my wetness.

the burning feeling of him stretching me out could make me cum on the spot, a low groan spills out of toms mouth. “ohhhh fuckk..” my tight pussy keeping him snug inside, he reaches desperately for my waist.

he slides himself out slowly, leaving his tip in for a second before snapping his hips harshly. I yell out in pleasure as he rams himself into my g-spot. he hold my waist firmly as he plunges himself into me at a violent pace.

“o-oh god keep going!!!” I cry out in pure ecstasy, my chest heaving up and down. I felt that feeling of bliss begin to build up again. “doing s’good baby.. fuck-“ he grunts. his eyes trail down my body taking in the way his dick completely disappears into me, not a single inch of space between us.

he presses his palm down onto my abdomen, the clear bulge of his cock moving in and out of me. he uses his free hand and grasps my face, making me look down. “you see that? look how good I’m fucking you schatz..”

I throw my head back in response, feeling myself getting closer and closer with each thrust. “god— fuck!!” I yell out, my walls clenching around tom he grunts as I do so. the scent of sex began to take over the room, the humidity causing beads of sweat to form on my forehead.

toms hand snaked down to my throbbing clit, rubbing slow circles as he pounded into me. the pleasure sending me over the edge, my legs twitching while my eyes rolled to the back of my head. incoherent babbles and sentences pouring out my mouth.

“what’s that? use your words mama..” he teases, his free hand kneading my breast. “mm.. haa- s’close!!” was all I could get out as my brain completely turned into mush.

tom was getting close aswell, his thrust beginning to become more sloppy while his chest heaved. the squelching noises of my cunt molding around his cock filled the room. “fuck— cum baby, cum!!”

he grunted, my legs flung around his waist. pulling him in as he shot ropes of cum into me, the feeling sending me to my release as well. my stomach caved in, my walls clenching around his cock. my eyes fluttered open, seeing toms droopy eyes. he thrusted in slowly a few more times, whines and whimpers erupting as he fucked his cum into me.

tom then pulled out completely, watching our mixed juices ooze out of my wet cunt. he let out a breathy chuckle, brushing strands of hair out of my face. he got up and grabbed some tissues, cleaning us both up.

“you did s’good for me baby..” he cooed, laying down next to me. engulfing me into a warm embrace, digging his face into my hair planting gentle kisses on top of my head. “.. mhm…” I mumbled, my eyes fluttering shut.

he saw how exhausted I was and smiled warmly, he shut his eyes aswell. holding me close as we both fell into slumber.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✮ 

eeeeee look who’s bacckkkk !!!! I really hope you guys liked this one :33 also I have no energy to read through it so if you see any spelling mistakes , no you don’t … 😣

[togamest]

-> 1,110 words. gn!reader, penetrative sex, alien genitalia if you squint, creampies, multiple orgasms, vash calls reader "flower, angel". subspace if you squint. based on this fan art.

author's notes: got a little too into fucking an eldritch deity last night. that fan art will haunt me for weeks. -> archiveofourown posting

you’ve seen this before.

you’ve sensed this before, this overwhelming feeling of dread and arousal. this feeling that grips you by anywhere it can latch on, refusing to let you escape. you just have to take it, and you love it. you know you do.

vash’s eyes are bright blue. they glow, enough for you to squint at him as he hovers over you, teeth barely poking past his lips.

“you okay, flower?” you hear him whisper. it sounds like a thousand voices at once, like him and every other rendition of him is speaking to you at once. somehow, despite the eeriness, it’s caring. empathetic, even. still so vash that even his blooming wings all over his body couldn’t deter you from squeezing your thighs around his tight waist.

“mhm.” there’s not much you can say right now. it feels exhausting to even voice words. “touch me, please?” your nails dig into his skin as you say it, and he shudders.

it’s like watching someone battle a demon, possessed inside of them. you can see it underneath his skin, bright cerulean veins glaring past the pale body that contains them. they pulse, and flash, and you’re in awe of it as he leans down to you, pressing your lips to his own.

he’s so warm. so bright, so pretty, everything you have ever wanted is right here in front of you. there’s a pulse within you, in time with his heartbeat gently beating in your ears; this close, you can feel his pulse in the very air. the beat…it’s gentle, but it’s all-encompassing.

it shoots through your whole body, and you arch your back, sighing as his hands move to your hips. “i’m gonna go in now, okay?” you hear him whisper. he sounds so far away, but so close at the same time.

you nod, and instantly, you feel something soaking wet pressing against you. sliding into you, so easily given how open you are for him. welcoming him in as if you were made for him.

it’s sickening how good it makes you feel. it’s bliss that you’ll never be able to replace; not that you want to. who would give up this beautiful eldritch deity in front of you, so kind as he spreads death to everything he touches?

except for you, it seems.

except for you.

your head falls back against the pillow behind your head. there’s sweat dripping on you, and your eyes slide open to meet vash’s own. bright blue, so deeply blue. like an ocean that’s begging you to drown in. your hands wrap around his neck, and you see his jaw set.

like he’s holding back.

“you can move, darling. let go.” your voice is so small against the sound of his pulsing and the cacaphony of voices intertwining his own as he groans, looking down at where you’re conjoined. his fists sink into the bedsheets on either side of your head.

you agreed to this.

sometimes you just have to remind him.

“fuck.”

the single syllable slams into your body like it resonates with your very soul. you’re shell shocked, your arousal tight in your stomach so quickly you haven’t noticed as you feel him begin to move. your walls squelch around him; but you’re not listening. instead, you’re staring up at vash, watching the sweat drip off his face as he bares his teeth, eyes screwed shut.

“god, fuck, god. you feel so good. better than anything i have ever had. holy shit.”

his voice shakes as he drops swear after swear, rhythm picking up. he’s slamming against that one spot inside of you now, and you feel your release building. your eyes screw shut. you know it. you have to tell him. you have to—

“g-gonna—“

your hand on his shoulder, digging into his skin, is covered with something much warmer. vash’s hands have disappeared from your waist, one rubbing circles onto your hand and the other gently grabbing your chin. your eyes fall open once again, and you find yourself falling into the oceanic depths.

“come for me, angel.”

all you remember after this is gushing. flooding all over him, your body twitching and shuddering in his hands as he drills into you, carrying you through your orgasm. you may have imagined it, but you almost see his tongue hanging out of his mouth. like he’s drinking in your orgasm with everything he has, not just the squirt covering his entire pelvis. like he’s drinking in the very air. taking advantage of the sloppiness to claim your sweet little hole.

you’re babbling now, grabbing at the sheets. all you can say is his name. it’s all you know now. “f-f-fuck, vash, vash—“

“yeah, angel?” there’s that pet name again. your walls slam around him, clamping down on him as another orgasm wracks through your body, sobs and moans hitching in your throat. “you’re taking me so well. so much better than anyone else. you’re meant for this, you know. you belong to me. only me, okay?”

you nod. you don’t remember forcing your head to nod, but you react with muscle memory instead. you can feel him grinning at you as your head lolls on the bedsheets, drool dripping down your chin.

“i’m gonna fill you up, okay? gonna fill this sweet hole for you, make sure you know who you belong to.”

he says it so kindly but so filthy, it’s insane how you twitch and moan underneath him, feeling his warm cum fill you up. sticky essence sticks to your walls, locking him inside of you as he all but collapses on top of you. he slides onto his side almost immediately, bringing you close. tour lips land on his shoulder. you suck on his skin without even thinking. there’s a ripple of muscle underneath your lips.

“so pretty.” it’s all you can think of as you release your hold on his shoulder, falling a bit in front of him and looking up at him. the blue has faded, but still gleams in the dark. no longer blinding, but comforting. his eyes are so pretty, and your hand lands on his cheek, tracing the pads of your fingers against his cheekbone.

“says you.” his voice rumbles, not as cacaphonic as it was before. his hand is so much larger than you, nails still quite long as his hand covers your own. the warmth from him is cozy, finding your eyes battling sliding shut. you want to memorize him. just in this moment, in the aftermath of the kind ferocity you’d just dealt with.

“sleep, flower. we’ll talk tomorrow.”

and who are you to argue?

divider credit: @/cafekitsune networks: @interstellar-inn @themovingcastlez

disclaimer: DO NOT copy or repost my works for any reason. translations are acceptable, but please ask for permission first!

© togamest 2023-2024

[prettyboyeddiemunson]

I have this image in my head that Steve actually doesn't know how to eat a girl out properly. While he fucked his way through Hawkins High as King Steve that felt more like it was for his pleasure, not the girls. He surely gave them a good time but never learned how to pleasure someone without adding his cock to the business. And pornstar Eddie gives him a lesson with catholicreader, showing him how ^^

eddie would be so cocky omg

he always heard about steve’s reputation when they were both still in high school. he would find it both hilarious and sad that steve never learned how to please a girl, considering the amount of times he had sex. but eddie is very generous, so he wouldn’t mind teaching steve a thing or two…and who better to do it with than eddie’s own girlfriend?

he would start off slow with her, warming her up a little as steve sits and watches. when he finally starts eating her out, he makes sure steve can see what he’s doing. steve would be an eager learner, and watches everything that eddie is doing to her. eddie still feels smug as hell about it; he knows more than king steve ever did before.

“pay close attention to this,” eddie says, licking a long stripe up her cunt to just below her clit. “the trick is to not mess with the clit right away. you want her begging for more, to get so desperate that she can’t stand it anymore. and when you do fuck with the clit, don’t dive in right away. watch.”

eddie keeps licking her pussy, neglecting the clit until she starts bucking and begging. eddie then barely touches her clit with his tongue, pushing two fingers inside of her as he continues his ghosting touches. he fucks her on his fingers, and steve cranes his neck to get a better look.

“you’re a genius,” he tells eddie, listening to her moan and beg again. “holy shit.”

“it’ll make her cum harder, too,” eddie says, continuing to finger her and touch her before stopping. “here, you try.”

she moans when steve starts doing it exactly as eddie had shown him, her hands in his hair as she pulls. “she tastes so good.”

“keep going,” eddie says. “do it just as I showed you, then switch it up a little.”

“okay,” steve says, fucking her on his fingers and flicking at her clit before pulling his fingers out. he fucks her on his tongue, rubbing her clit in circles with his finger. “fuck…”

“good,” eddie says. “that’s good. now, finger her again and suck on her clit. I think she’s ready.”

steve does so, and she begins to moan and writhe above him. “you’re so hot, baby.”

“you’re hot, too, steve,” she says, moaning as he sucks her clit generously. “i’m gonna cum.”

“suck her clit as hard as you can and finger her deeply,” eddie says. “make sure you’re really curling your fingers as hard as you can.”

steve fucks her hard, his mouth working her clit as eddie instructed. soon shes cumming, making a mess all over steve, while eddie sits back proudly. he moves steve out of the way, and starts eating her out again as she whines. steve watches in awe, his eyes wide.

“she loves it when you keep going,” eddie says. “keep watching; i’ll show you how to make a girl squirt now.”

[loveinhawkins]

Part 1 Part 2 ao3 (Complete)

He has strange dreams.

Sometimes they’re not so bad. Sometimes he can hear Eddie’s voice encouraging him, “Yeah, there you go. That’s it, Steve, just keep breathing.”

Sometimes Eddie sounds strange, too, like he’s laughing and crying at the same time—muttering unsteadily, “C-come on, up you go. Shit, shit, shit. You’ve gotta help me out here, Steve.”

But then he’s flying, falling through darkness, and everything turns awful.

Fire. Flames all over his skin, burning, burning, and he has to kick, strike out, get away, but someone’s pinning him down—

“Y-you’ve gotta stay still. Wheeler, Wheeler, his leg, watch his—hey, Steve, shh, shh, just stop moving, man, please.”

Make it stop make it stop stop STOP STOP—

“Shh, shh, I know, I know. Take my hand, hey, you can break it, fucking go for it, man, I don’t care.”

Please I just want it to stop please please please just let me—

“Hey, hey, hey, you can’t go to sleep right now, okay? Just a little longer, Steve, we’re getting you some help, you’ve just gotta keep your eyes—”

It’s too much too much too much, just want it to end, I want I want—

“One more minute, Steve, you hear me? I’ll count, and then—you’re gonna be all right, this time it’ll be—”

YOU’RE LYING—

One last flash of lucidity.

Eddie. Eddie’s hand in his hair, Eddie’s lips against his temple, wet with tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m s-so—God, just. Please.”

-

Another dream.

A new voice. Makes him think of summer, and butterscotch ice-cream, and laughter.

“Hi, Steve. Got a present for you, so you—you’d better, um… God, you’d find this so damn f-funny, wouldn’t you? Guess it’s more proof we’re from the same womb, huh? Ugh, gross image, Rob, thanks. Sorry. Just thought I’d say it for you.”

Don’t cry, Robin. It’s okay. Don’t cry.

-

“Eddie.”

“What? Is Buckley okay? Wheeler.”

“Yeah, she’s—she’s fine. It’s—they said—”

“Oh God.”

“—it might not work.”

A strangled, pained noise. Footsteps. A door slamming.

Where are you going? Come back. Come back.

-

Sleep. Drift. Try to wake. Sleep.

-

He dreams of fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire fire fire stop STOP—

Hand pressing down on his forehead, cold, cold, but he’s much too hot, he’s going to burn up, he can’t—he’s going to die, he’s dead already, it’s too much, it’s—

“Steve, Steve, just try and—hey, it’s just me, you’re okay, you’ve just gotta—oh Christ, please, Steve, just lie back. I know it’s hard, I know, I know.”

The scratch of a needle.

DANGER, GET AWAY, GET—

“Stop, stop! You’re hurting him, don’t you get it, you’re—”

-

A hand in his. Cold metal. Rings.

EddieEddieEddie

“Oh, holy shit.” Shocked laughter, breathless with relief. “That’s it, Steve, that’s it. Break my fucking fingers, dude, I dare you.”

Everything slips…

-

The fire goes out. Cold sweat. Shivering.

Lips on his temple. A kiss.

“You did it. You fucking did it, Steve, you’re amazing, you’re—that’s it, sweetheart, just breathe. Rest now. I’ve got you. Shh, I’ve got you.”

-

Sleep.

-

“Everyone’s fine, by the way. …God, it was fucking terrifying me, saying that out loud, y’know? Like I’d jinx it, or… Then I started thinking that you made a deal or something. Was the only way it made sense. Like, what are the odds that everyone else made it, and… Even me, man, thought I was a goner for… So I —I kinda pretended you’d made a trade, with God or the Devil or—I don’t know. Your life for… Wouldn’t put it past you. But that’s—that’s bullshit, okay? They… they don’t need saving anymore, Steve. They just need you.”

-

Wake.

Eyes too heavy to…

“Hey, hey, you’re good. Take it easy.”

Tongue slow. Throat scraped raw. Swallow.

Try.

“D’st’n. Dust…”

“Shh. Dustin’s just fine, Steve. Promised you, didn’t I?”

“H-hurt?”

“Nah, man. Not anymore.”

“You?”

“…Me?”

“Hurt?”

“Oh. I’m—I’m good, Steve. You sleep some more, ‘kay? You’ll feel better.”

Hand in his.

Gentle.

Safe.

Sleep.

-

Waking up properly is a slow, taxing thing. Eventually he blinks leaden eyelids open. Sees his left hand, lying limp: palm covered with gauze so only his fingers are really visible.

Footsteps, pacing the room. Back and forth, back and forth.

Eddie.

Steve wets his cracked lips and says the only thing he can.

“Dustin?”

Eddie freezes. Glances over. Lets out a shaky kind of scoff.

“He’s safe. D’you know how many times you’ve asked me that, Harrington?”

Steve tries to straighten up. Humours him.

“I dunno, twice?”

Eddie makes a noise imitating a klaxon, like Steve’s just got an answer wrong on a quiz show.

“Nope! Lost count after ten.”

Then Eddie looks at him, really looks at him, and he somehow gets even more still, as if he’s suddenly holding his breath.

“You’re—you’re back,” he says. “Can see it in your eyes. You’re really… fuck.”

He starts pacing again, his spine a rigid line of tension. Steve follows his every move, even though his eyes start to ache with the effort.

“You’re angry,” Steve says quietly.

Eddie shakes his head, breathes out a laugh through clenched teeth. “Yeah. Guess you could say that.”

He comes to an abrupt stop at the foot of the bed—a hospital bed, Steve realises, as one of Eddie’s hands grips the bottom rail, like he needs it to keep standing.

“This much,” Eddie says conversationally, and he shows his thumb and forefinger with barely any space between them.

“What?”

“That’s how close Henderson’s bite was to the femoral artery. Twenty seconds more? Hell, ten seconds? Those damn bats would’ve kept coming, and at least one of them would’ve fucking struck gold ‘cause I couldn’t fucking shield him properly in the goddamn first place, and he would’ve bled out in my arms. So yeah, Steve. I’m angry.”

“But that.” Steve frowns, hopes that he sounds understanding. Gentle. “That didn’t happen, Eddie.”

Eddie laughs again. He looks down, hair hanging so that Steve can’t see his face; he can see his knuckles on the bed frame though, turning white.

“I’m angry ‘cause you were right.” Eddie sucks in a breath, and when he raises his head, his eyes are burning. “I hate that you were right.”

“I don’t—”

“If you hadn’t done—done what you did.” Eddie falters, takes another breath. “Dustin would’ve died. I would’ve died. And I’m angry, I’m so fucking angry that that probably justifies it all for you.”

Steve sighs. “Justifies what?” he asks, though he suspects he already knows.

“That a world without you is any way fucking acceptable.”

Steve resists the urge to sigh again. “Eddie,” he says, tries to sound as matter-of-fact as he can without being a dick about it. “Look, man, I know you’re new to the whole—everything—but sometimes, things happen. People can get hurt, and—”

“No,” Eddie says. “No, you don’t get to do that. Don’t play that card. Yeah, I know I’m a fucking newborn to the whole alternate dimension shtick, but hey, the one thing I can say about myself is that I catch on pretty fucking quick.” He points at Steve, sharp and accusatory. “And I know if anyone else tried to pull the shit that y-you just—you would’ve stopped it in a heartbeat. I know you would have. So. Why?”

For a moment, Steve has to look away. He has the horrible feeling, suddenly, that Eddie’s eyes can see right through him. “Why what?”

“Why are you so determined that it has to be you?”

Steve swallows. He doesn’t know how to put it into words; doesn’t know how to say that his mind has played every scenario on a loop throughout the very worst of nights. That the thought of anyone else dying turns his world into static, the horror far too much to process. That, in comparison, the fear of his own death seems small. Trivial.

So instead, he looks Eddie right in the eye, because the guy deserves that, at least.

“Anyone else wasn’t an option,” Steve gets out.

He means for it to sound strong, determined, but he doesn’t think he succeeds, because Eddie’s eyebrows furrow like he can hear the fear in the words.

“And if—if it had to come down to it,” Steve continues, “I’d rather it—I’d—Dustin, he. He would’ve had you, and—”

Eddie laughs yet again, and it’s tipping into something hysterical. He presses the heel of his palms against his eyes. “You barely know me.”

“I know enough,” Steve returns.

Eddie drops his hands. “I’ve barely known Dustin a year, man! And what am I even—I’m just the leader of his glorified fucking after-school club, I’m not—”

“Eddie, come on. You know you’re more than that.”

So much more.

But Eddie is shaking his head again. “Don’t you get it?” he says faintly. “Don’t you get how irreplaceable you are? Dustin, he—when I left him with the girls, he kept crying out for you. He was in pain, he was scared, and he wanted you. Yeah, he might think I’m the cool weirdo at high school, fucking whatever, but you—you’re his family.”

Steve abruptly finds a spot in the ceiling, blinks back the stinging in his eyes. “You gonna—” He clears his throat. “You gonna sit down?”

Eddie answers by scraping a chair along the floor until he throws himself into it, knees almost touching the side of Steve’s bed.

“I really hate blood, you know?” Eddie says, after a long silence. “Like, there was a biology lesson where… it was a dissection, the teacher was demonstrating, she’d barely made a cut with that scalpel thingy and I just…” He claps his hands together. “Fainted dead away. It was so embarrassing. Was almost glad when the Satan rumours started, at least it was a distraction from…”

A pause. Eddie leans forward.

“But with you… when we got you—in the ambulance, and—I watched everything. I didn’t look away, not for a second. Not for one fucking second.”

Steve exhales. “Why?”

“So I could say they didn’t just call it. That they tried, at least. That they fucking fought for you. ‘Cause that’s what we all were doing, we—we weren’t letting you go just like that. You shoulda seen Wheeler, man, thought she was gonna murder the docs with just one look. And Buckley, she—” A flicker of emotion passes across Eddie’s face. “You know you two have the same blood type?”

“Oh,” Steve breathes, then thinks it’s no wonder he survived, with Robin’s strength now flowing in his veins.

“Even that was touch-and-go for a while.” Eddie rubs a hand down his face, looks thoroughly exhausted. “Like, Dustin was feverish for a bit, and they reckon I’d already puked it up, but you—there were some white-coats who knew about… and they thought. That. That there was so much venom in you from those bats that you’d… your body would reject Robin’s blood.” He bows his head. “For a while, I thought… I thought…”

Steve puts all his effort into lifting his hand. Manages to reach the top of Eddie’s head, fingers curling weakly into his hair.

“Eddie, I’m—I’m sorry.”

It’s not enough; he knows it’s not enough. But it’s all he has.

Eddie gently removes Steve’s hand. Uncurls Steve’s fingers, like he’s seeing them for the very first time.

“This one was the worst,” he whispers. “Throughout all of it.” He stares down at the palm covered in gauze, and his eyes fill with tears. “Because when you—when you brought out the knife, that’s. That’s when I knew for sure. What you were gonna—” His voice breaks.

Steve doesn’t know how to make this better. Thinks that he’d settle for making Eddie smile. That would be worth something. Everything.

“I meant it, y’know. Wasn’t just the blood loss talking.”

Eddie sniffs. “Meant what?”

“That you’re beautiful.” Eddie chuckles. One tear falls down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe it away. “Nah. When you said that, I was like oh, you’re really out of it, huh?”

“Don’t think that was it.” Steve gathers the last of his bravery. “Think I just—didn’t wanna die with it going unsaid.”

Eddie makes a noise, a pained mixture of a gasp, sob and laugh.

“I thought you were… beautiful, t-too,” he says through uneven, stuttering breaths.

Steve makes a face of distaste to get him to laugh again; it works, except for the fact that he also starts to sob even more.

“Yeah, bet I was a pretty picture.”

“Steve. I mean it. You—you were looking down at Dustin, I saw you, and I just. You looked so… so fucking devoted, you were glowing with it. I think.” His voice turns tearful again. “I think I knew even then. I just remember—remember thinking oh God, he—he loves so damn much that he’s gonna die for it.”

He puts a hand over his eyes. Weeps.

Steve’s heart shatters.

“But I didn’t,” he murmurs. “Eddie, hey. I didn’t. I’m still here.”

He lifts his hand again, reaches for him. Very clumsily touches his cheek, until Eddie jerks back with a muttered, “I’m gonna get your bandages wet.”

“Guess I’ll just have to kiss you instead,” Steve replies—and ordinarily that level of boldness might have shocked him, but fuck it; he’s been through enough that the nerves barely register. Can only really feel a sudden wave of exhaustion, anyway.

Eddie snorts—seems to be so taken aback that he stops crying. “Was that a fucking line? In a hospital bed, no less? You have zero shame, Steve Harrington.”

Steve smiles, suppressing a yawn. “Did it work?”

Eddie smiles back. Tears still shine on his face. He pauses, then says, “One,” lifting up a finger like he’s haggling. “Then I’d better go tell someone you woke up.”

“Deal.”

And Steve is quickly becoming too tired to do much in the way of responding, so that the whole thing ends up being just a brief press of lips against one another. Even then, it’s the best. Because Eddie’s lips are warm, and all Steve can taste is the salt of his tears. No blood.

Eddie draws back just a little, gives one last lingering peck. Then he moves away.

Steve’s eyes are delayed in opening; when he manages it, he sees Eddie giving him a tender smile.

“Oh, it was a goodnight kiss, I see,” Eddie teases.

“Mm-hmm.”

Eddie leans forward again, this time to kiss Steve’s forehead. It makes Steve’s eyes close instinctively, and then he can’t seem to open them again.

Eddie chuckles. Sighs. “You’re fading, sweetheart. Gonna go fetch a doctor, then I’ll be right back. Promise.”

“Mm. Trust you.”

Trust you with everything.

He hears Eddie standing up, pushing the chair aside—everything muffled, but softly so. Not frightening. Not anymore.

As Steve drifts off, his last thought is that Eddie had been right; he would’ve died for love.

But now…

Now he’d like to try living for it.

[somebluemelodies]

SPIDERBIT WEEK hosted by @smallchaoscryptid !! day six: coffee | nautical IM FINALLY BACK !! i know mer au won my poll from a while back so this is kinda a double whammy? spiderbit week AND poll fic :D

For a while, Roier wonders if he’s ever gonna see the deepsea mer ever again. When he doesn’t see him the night after their initial meeting, he’s worried that the Feds may have gotten to the mer after all, and it pains him more than he cares to admit aloud.

But it’s not the last time. In fact, it happens multiple times, to the point where they have a weird schedule of sorts to meet every third day or so.

Communicating isn’t the easiest, with only Roier able to actually talk, but they make do, and he’s getting a real good hold of asking ‘yes or no’ questions or anything else that permits him to learn more about the deepsea mer.

Except for one thing. The mer’s name.

The mer can understand nearly everything Roier says, but he can’t write it. He can only write in his own strange mer-tongue, which is a series of characters that sends the pirate into a deeper confusion the more he tries to make sense of it.

For a little while, Roier contemplates giving the merman a name himself, but that feels a little unfair to the mer. He has a name, after all.

However, his mouth running faster than his mind produces a nickname, gatinho, as a result of staring at the mer for a little too long and getting lost in his eyes. Thankfully, though, the mer doesn’t seem to mind it, and Roier even swears it makes the creature blush. But that sounds like crazy talk, so he tries not to dwell on it.

Nevertheless, the nickname stays. If only because it’s… well… the truth.

(Mostly. He’s a mer, not a cat. Scales and no legs, not fur and four legs.)

(But God, if he isn’t the prettiest being Roier has ever seen.)

A couple weeks or so after their first initial meeting, Roier is sitting on the flattest rock closest to the water, the mer half out of the water in front of him with his arms resting on the rock. A routine, of sorts. Either here, or the cave.

“So, gatinho,” the pirate starts. “I need to figure out your name. We have to find some way. Because I can’t keep calling you gatinho forever.”

(But he’d certainly like to.)

The deepsea mer tilts his head slightly and shrugs, as if to say, “I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“What? You like the name, huh?”

A pause, followed by a slow nod. Roier grins. “No mames, wey, this guy likes being called pretty. Like a cat. Are you sure you’re not a cat? I think you’re a cat in disguise.”

The mer looks borderline offended, trying to reach over and slap him. But the pirate pushes back, out of reach, smile growing with a laugh. “You’re swatting like a cat! Holy shit, man, I was right. I’m friends with a fucking cat. A catfish. No mames.”

There’s a growl of sorts from the merman, who definitely looks like he’s blushing now - focus, focus, focus, stop looking at him like that - and shoots up out of the water before Roier has a chance to properly react.

Next thing he knows, he’s flat on his back against the rock, and there’s a solid weight on top of him, two almost-glowing blue eyes staring him down.

(A small part of Roier wonders if he should be afraid right now. He’s seen the sharp teeth and fingers. This mer could theoretically kill him in a heartbeat. Right here, right now.)

(But he’s not afraid, God only knows why. No, he’s… no, no. Enough.)

Roier tries to mask the way his cheeks are rapidly warming up with an accomplished, shit-eating laugh. “Calma, gatinho, calma.”

The deepsea mer huffs, shaking his head before a small smile crosses his face despite himself. He leans down to really shove Roier’s shoulder, but makes no effort yet to get off.

(Not that Roier minds.)

More laughter, and then a lull, and their eyes meet again. Roier becomes acutely aware of just how close they actually are. The mer is staring at him in a way he can’t quite decipher, and it makes him increasingly nervous.

(A look of wonder. Awe.)

(The mer sees the same exact look in those dark eyes.)

The pirate tries to play it off, like his heart isn’t about to beat out of his chest and like his thoughts aren’t circling around the fact that if he sits up enough, their lips could brush. Connect. “See something you like, gatinho?”

The mer also seems to finally realize their current position, and with wide eyes, pushes himself off and all but dives back into the water. Roier kicks himself in the ass for mourning the loss of contact.

For a few moments, as the merman doesn’t surface, he wonders if he’s fled for the night, and starts to feel a little guilty for his teasing.

But then there’s movement, and he watches the deepsea mer breach the surface again, blowing out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry, sorry. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything.”

The mer shakes his head. It’s okay.

(He did see something he liked.)

"Roier!"

The pirate's head whips around, seeing a silhouette in the far distance.

"Oh, shit-- that's Jaiden. I gotta go." He turns back to the mer. "Three days? And I will learn your name, gatinho."

The deepsea mer nods, and three things happen in succession.

One. The mer leaves him a piece of sea glass, a red one.

Two. He hesitates, then hoists himself onto the rock to press a kiss to Roier's cheek.

Three. He dives back into the water without looking back, disappearing in a fleeting glint of deep emerald and leaving Roier to touch his cheek in surprise.

"Roier!" Jaiden calls again, running over to him. "There you are! What're you doing out here?"

Roier clears his throat, willing his cheeks to cool down despite the darkness surrounding them. His best friend was eerily observant sometimes. "I was just... collecting sea glass. See? Look at this piece I found!" He picks up the piece, standing up to show her.

Jaiden looks at it before back to him, her brow quirking ever-so-slightly. "O...kay? Since when do you do that?"

"It's given me something to do recently."

She studies him another moment, trying to decipher the truth. If she doesn't believe him, she doesn't say it. Instead, she says, "fair. But I came to bring you back to the ship, c'mon."

They walk in a comfortable silence for a bit, until she speaks up again. "Y'know, I haven't seen much sea glass around here. You must have some awfully good luck; I see the little pile on the box beside your hammock."

Roier opens his hand, looking at the translucent red treasure as icy eyes infiltrate his mind, the ghost of lips warming his cheek. "Sí. Something like that."

[liverpool-enjoyer]

hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

[nozunhinged]

7 BL Newbie Moments of 2023 That Altered My Brain Chemistry

So I went through all my posts since the beginning of this journey and as much as I love dumping my insanity here without context or any punctuation, I feel that a lot of my fav moments deserve a bit more love and structure.

But first I need to put a bit of context so you won't be like "who the hell do they think they are" (aside from delusional I'm nothing, I promise) and my anxious overexplainer-heart is silenced.

My first BL TV show was Only Friends and only 5 months later I'm already throat deep into it (sorry). My watchlist is so endless that I sometimes (no, regularly) genuinely fear for my sanity. I'm still learning all the names and production houses but does that stop me from starting 10 other shows? NOPE.

I'm not new to queer fan spaces (avid manga reader since the yaoi days, my first ship was taito from digimon) but I am most definitely new to the brainrot levels these shows gave me.

And believe it or not, even though my shipper heart is over a decade old, I'm new to Tumblr and the fuel this platform added to the fire could burn down entire continents.

ANYWAYS if you're still here — please enjoy Noz's 100% self-indulgent moments!

1. The End And The Beginning - Only Friends

All I did was mindlessly scroll through the tumblr trends, no idea about how this website works, still sour and sad about the loss of my twitter bubble thanks to the elopocalypse—little did I know that fate would lead me to the wonderful world of BL shows! It was like this moment in isekai-esque movies where you get sucked into a world and you go WOOAAH once you arrive.

There was this show—on YouTube—100% unapolagetic about sex, relationships and queerness. Five minutes into the first episode, someone asks if they can bring their boyfriend to a hookup. This was ALL of my wildest dreams come true! Oh boy, was I naive.

I feel like Only Friends had me speedrun the whole BL industry. Branded pairs, production houses, fanservice, obsessive fans & haters, audience reactions influencing the storyline, EVERYTHING happened during Only Friends and I was just like "what the hell is going on here?" It was like the perfect case study for literally everything. Honestly I still don't really understand what's going on.

Unfortunately, this also led to the awful ending I erased from my brain and don't want to get into, I'm just gonna say Boston I will never forgive the writers for what they did to you. I dropped that show like a hot potato, filtered all possible tags and moved on — or so I thought.

I feel like I'm trying to recreate that first excitement when I discovered OF. But 20 shows later, I'm still not there. Does this make me sound like an addict? Yes, and this is why Only Friends EP 1 is my No. 1 moment that altered my brain chemistry.

2. The Boeing Incident - Only Friends

I talked about it just yesterday and I need to do it again because Boeing was the beginning of a thing that thought I'd never be capable of: lusting after real person TV characters. I talked about it in length here and here so the only thing I'm gonna add just for good measure is that I'd do anything, anything for a BostonBeoingNOZ threesome. Holy shit I'm cringing just writing this down but I need to get my point across.

3. Still Looking For That Kiss - Love in The Air

I know this is a general experience at this point but the chemistry between the couples in Love In The Air opened a whole knew world for me. I thought I knew chemistry but when I saw them, I realized I knew NOTHING.

It may sound weird but I'm still looking for that perfect kiss that's hitting all the right neurons in my brain. I have a hunch that one of these two pairs will deliver them one day, but until then I NEED to watch a million kisses for research.

This post by @talistheintrovert explains perfectly what I think about kissing in shows. Ji Chang Wook is still the blueprint for me.

But do I have a favorite BL kiss so far? Yes, yes I do. It's this ShinPeach beauty.

4. Main Lead Syndrome - Kiseki: Dear To Me

I am a second lead, side couple enby before I am human but I will defend these two until the end of time. My TL is flooded with Chen Yi, Ai Di, Nat and Louis while these two are over here falling in love over strawberry cake, cat analogies, failed cooking and all sorts of memory loss. Zongyi opened a fucking bakery for his babygirl and Zerui pretended to be a pretty dumdum to protect the love of his life.

I don't care how much you all love the two dumb (affectionately) gangsters, these two deserve the world, end of story. Also Kai Hsu and Taro Lin are bff's irl now, Taro said that Kai helped him get out of a very bad mental tate and I take that very personally.

5. The Fanservice is Fanservicing - Kiseki: Dear To Me

Speaking of Taro and Kai, the fact that I even know that they're bff's is another brainaltering moment that needs recognition because months later it led me to this TikTok of two actors I don't know of a show I don't watch, staring at them for ages and really considering watching it just because of it.

That is the power of fanservice my friends and I can put on my clownmask now because I avidly screamed left and right that fanservice should be forbidden when I learned about it. I blame Kiseki for that. But my point still stands, I hate actors doing stuff they're uncomfortable with. I just hope they're all friends and have fun and get that coin.

6. The One Just For Me - Playboyy

I've been lurking around Playboyy from the moment I found out they have the same writer as OF. And boy did it deliver so far! I already wrote a bunch here about which role Playboyy plays for me, but it's also a wonderful case study for my producer heart — watching the acting, directing, lighting, sets, props and storyline interact is fascinating.

People say the less you notice the better the show, which is correct, but I love all the flaws of this piece of media. IMHO it's the last puzzlepiece of the amazing, important social commentary the show delivers. All of the topics the couples represent need to get their very own show.

7. The Holy Grail - The Sign

Speaking of the less you notice — this is the sign for The Sign (again, sorry). There's a reason this show is loved and praised so widely because the production is on a whole other level. Adding the beautiful story on top of that, we have the potential for a holy grail here and I'm so in for the ride.

I keep saying I've entered the world of BL in it's absolute golden era. Never in a million years did I think I'd watch 5 shows simultaneosly but I love every single one of them so much I keep a whole spreadsheet on how I can be on time for every premiere every week alongside my work schedule.

Honorable mentions

KinnPorsche: VegasPete were my first dark, angsty, morally questionable couple ever (I'm a sissy okay)

Last Twilight: When I watched Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I cried several times about the wonderful media representation of disability. It means so much to me and Last Twilight is on par with that.

Bake Me Please: Thank you for giving me this beautiful kiss

Manner of Death: Thank you MaxTul for making gay makeouts fashionable

Bad Buddy: The one time I was glad I persisted so I could watch them most adorable phone scene on the planet

I Feel You Linger In The Air: It was too painful for me to finish but I loved the show with my whole heart and it deserves all the awards it got.

Kimi ni Todokanai: Japanese shows just hit different. I'll never get over the kissing Taiyaki.

The Novelist Series: THIS is how you kiss the one you're horny for my friends. Take notes directors.

Semantic Error: My fav webtoon -> Got Viki for the Series -> Found the BL corner of Viki -> Drew my attention to Tumblr -> This post.

Thank you for being the butterfly of my butterfly effect.

And thank YOU if you read until here! To a even more wonderful queer year 2024! I'm so ready for this ride.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ALSO. HEYHEYHEY. probably u will have to wait until after i finish 39 to answer this but holy shit dude. how does this translate to new haven wards??? i KNOW youve thought about it man. oh my fucking god. what r we doing to wibby. wraith. <- i really like this for him btw. haven't they been through enough!!!!!! also is this related 2 the second trigger situation it HAS to be right??

OKAY!!!!! HI !!!! HERE IT IS MY THOUGHTS ON WIBBY SECOND TRIGGER !!!!!!!!

when i say thoughts i mean this is less going to be an essay like my other nhw posts and more just. me throwing spaghetti at the wall and then turning to you like :D!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK etc etc. i havent rlly thought about this like... plot wise??? or tried to make it make sense yet. so dont be disappointed when this is sort of short in comparison

anyway. for the LONGEST time i thought we were going to make the "absorbing kemuri's soul" thing his trigger event so that he could have the smoke powers, but.... honestly in comparison to everything else that moment was not NEARLY traumatizing enough

the reason i like this specific event as his second trigger is like. its SO fucking similar to his first. in his first trigger event, he fell off the cliff. he was still alive at the bottom, but unable to move or speak or call for help. he was stuck there for [x amount of time] but never actually triggered until someone found him and took him back. in this.... he literally gets torn in fucking half. but hes still alive. he can feel it, he knows whats happening, its the most terrifying and painful and miserable thing hes ever been through. again, he cant move. he cant talk. he cant call for help. the others dont even realize hes still alive at first, so he can hear them screaming. he still doesnt trigger until.. dakota. dakota, who can Feel it. dakota, who rushes into the danger zone as soon as he's able to and knows hes alive and desperately tries to push him back together, the whole time crying about "its gonna be okay, we'll fix it, you're gonna be okay" and just. desperately trying to do anything. THATS when he triggers.

the thing is thoughhhh. i dont think the second trigger is what actually heals him. i think he triggers and every single one of the capes in that clearing goes down for the vision, INCLUDING muse. wraith is one of the first ones to come back to consciousness but. hes still fucking torn in half! he can feel this horrible new power but he cant do anything about it because hes still got his guts all over the forest floor! uhhhh for the way he gets healed theres maybe a couple options,,, either trickster also gets the vision and thinks its hilarious that he caused a trigger event and has muse stitch wibby up himself or likee... he has to stay like that until they beat trickster and get ashe back and then they have to keep ashe in his breaker state until he fixes william. or theres some sort of.. before they beat trickster or whatever they force him to control muse into fixing him. IDK. something along those lines.

AS FOR HIS POWERS...... IDK. i dont know what they would be. i want them to be sort of like. functionally similar to the smoke powers i guess???? but maybe not explicitly the same. i still want him to be able to give xavier and david fucking awful horrible nightmare visions. i think that would probably fall under either master or shaker category????? IDK help me out with this one. also like u said before we're gonna have to fuck with the timeline and have at least the belltech part of greyscale happen after the muse final battle. which. ohhh my god i have a lot of feelings about that for the freedom city wards especially. oaugh.

I THINK THATS IT FOR NOW... IDK GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS I KNOW EVERYTHING IS SO FRESH IN UR MIND BUT IF U HAVE ANY IDEAS I WOULD LOOOOOVE TO HEAR THEM

[chronicallyblyrie]

TMAGP 16 live thoughts!!

This episode started with a hello Jon dedication I'm already feeling like this won't be a fun time

-oh my god poor Alice the trauma is already starting

-celia does believe you alice trust she's seen some shit

-no the Horrors need to pay their dues with you alice

-alice dyer everybody, working right after watching a woman die

-yeah Sam stop talking

-CHESTERRRRR

-social media??

-#GOTHGIRL MY GOD

-WOAH INKSOUL BACK??

-okay inksoul is important

-oh my god it's a live stream archive

-oh my fucking god they're using internet slang

-WHO TOLD THEM THEY HAD ACCESS TO USE NO CAP IN A SCRIPT?

-holy shit this is awful

-PLEASE INKSOUL KILL THIS WOMAN SO I DONT HAVE TO HEAR HER SAY ANOTHER WORD

-please fucking KILL me

-OH MY GOD THE SOUND EFFECTS ARE KILLING ME

-woah world's quickest tattoo

-what in the fuck tattoo did they give you??

- dude inksoul got so tired of her shit so quick I'm with them on this

-GIRL YOU ARE NOT IN A SITUATIONSHIP THEY HATES YOUR ASS

-HOLY SHIT PLEASE THE SOUND EFFECTS ARE GONNA KILL ME

-when is Madam's soundboard gonna drop I need it

-i never thought I would hear the word "sus" in a rusty quill podcast but okay

-so this is the point we've reached in humanity

-STOP SAYING SUS

-I AM IN CLASS LISTENING TO THIS TRYING NOT TO BURST OUT LAUGHING PLEEEEEASE

-oh my god inksoul is digging up bodies?? WAIT no this related to the other case where uh person with tattoos was looking for the body they dug up, is this the same cemetary?? So it was actually inksoul trying to find that body??

-NOT THE BRUH SOUND EFFECT

-"so I bail" I can imagine her scurrying away like a cartoon character

-yeah girl only real goths dig up corpses, get with the times girly

-oh naurrrr

-OKAY SO THEY ARE ROBBING GRAVES

-vicious pick me trash fr girl

-OH MY GOD ITS A YOUTUBER APOLOGY BAHAHA

-"Im such a good person" OH MY GOD KILL ME

-"ig we're ops??" Who in the fuck wrote this episode

-I need to stop typing this post is going to be so long because I can't bare listening to the internet slang

-oh so her heart IS breaking

-yeah you're actually not okay

-UMMMM "help" ????

-THIS HAPPENED RECENTLY IN MARCH??

-oh thank god the cats are okay

-oh my god she's actually letting hate comments kill her wtf

-OH OH OH EW EW EW THAT NOISE

-DID HER HEART RIP OUT??

-please alice go get coffee get me some too

-gwen wtf

-oh so Lena is pissed

-I DONT LIKE THIS

-lmao Lena is actually being sensible here

-STOP BRINGING ELDRITCH HORRORS INTO THE OFFICE??? LENA IS KINDA RIGHT HERE YOU SAW WHAT BONZO WAS WHY DID YOU THINK THIS EXTERNAL WAS ANY BETTER

-yeah you might just die holy shit gwen

-Gwen you are gonna get fired

-okay who wrote this episode credits tell me

-ALEXANDER J NEWALL YOU FUCKING BASTARD

Okay ignoring everything else I just had to torture myself with by listening to, genuinely interesting episode. We have confirmation now that inksoul is hunting down corpses for some reason. Inksoul is definitely important and will be showing up again soon I fear.

[groupiewhoreee]

Do a fluff one with axl where you find out that you’re pregnant with fraternal twins but you’re scared to tell him

hii! i'd love to do this! thnx for ur req!

Shivering and Quivering

Warnings: None, pregnancy tw. Cursing. Vomit. (Minors can interact! But, you don't have to if ya prefer not to.)

Summary/Plot: In req by a lovely anon <3

-------------------------------------

Your breasts felt sore. Your body felt weak, and you didn't feel well. It was almost like your body swelled up. Your hands shook, while you bent down and hovered over the toilet. Vomit spewed from you. You had missed ur period, and all the signs equaled to being pregnant. You felt full. Like someone filled you up. It didn't feel well.

Your legs quivered. You stood up shakily. You didn't think you were really pregnant. Axl was— hesitant on having kids. He didn't think you'd be pregnant either. But recently Axl gotten— extremely experimental during sex. You grabbed the small box from underneath the sink. You hesitated to open it, but ur hands controlled you, and continued to open the box. You pulled out the small test.

You took the test. Looking at the results, the two lines appeared. You started shaking even more than before. "Oh my fucking god," You muttered. You started crying. Tears streamed down ur cheeks. You didn't know what to say to Axl. You didn't know what to tell him. You decided to keep it a secret. Axl knocked on the bathroom door. "Y/N, are you alright? You've been in there for a while. Everything okay, babe?" Axl asked you, his rings scratching at the door. "I-I'm fine, Axl. I'll be out in a minute." You said, shaken. "Alright, just asking." He would murmur. You heard his footsteps travel away.

You hid the pregnancy test in ur pocket. You cleaned everything up, hiding the box. You walked out, cleaning ur eyes and making sure he didn't notice you crying. Axl walked towards you, hugging you. He kissed your nose, moving his hands to ur waist. He began to kiss ur neck and sleek jawline. "Axl, not today please, i'm just not feeling it." You said. "Oh, um. Okay, Sorry." Axl moved from you. He left a kiss on ur nose, before moving away from you. You headed off to bed. Ur eyes were heavy, and you felt awful.

Later in the next day, you scheduled a appointment with the doctor to get an ultrasound. During that appointment the doctor explained you have fraternal twins. She explained it to you and you were shocked and surprised. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You didn't know it was possible. You didn't wanna tell Axl. You were, overall— scared, and upset. You didn't think he'd want kids. You didn't think he would wanna parent kids. He was a rockstar, he couldn't always be there for the kids. You knew you had to do something.

You thought of an abortion at first. To get rid of the two eggs that had formed inside of you. But that was wrong. You didn't wanna get rid of the twins. You also wanted to have these kids, but you also didn't. You didn't know what Axl would think. You got home. Axl was home of course, sitting on the couch watching TV. "Hey, Axl. Can I talk to you?" You questioned. "Of course. Whats up?" Axl asked. He wasn't a easy person to talk to. "I'm pregnant." - "With Fraternal Twins." You said, sighing. Axl sat there, mouth open you sure it was gonna drop to the floor. "Holy shit-" Axl muttered. "That's.." He looked at the floor. "That's great, Y/N!" He smiled. "But, are you sure you want to have these kids?" He asked, walking towards you. He held ur hands. "Yes, I'm sure." You smiled.

"I can't believe I'm gonna be a father to two!" He said cheerfully. He hugged you. Kissing ur cheeks and everywhere around you. "You need anything? I'm here if you do." He asked. "I'm great, thanks. Do you mind going to the store and getting some things for me though?" You requested. " 'Course," Axl smiled.

[outsiders-owen]

.

.

.

Pastry said you wanted to meet?

I- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess- I guess I did say that, I-

We should go where no one will see us. They all think you're dead or something.

Do you think I'm stupid? Owen, I- I want to be able to trust me, but every single time that's happened, it hasn't ended well.

...

Apo, do you remember way back when? I made you a promise, then.

...What? What are you talking about?

I said, and I quote: "Apo, of course I'm not going to hurt you. Never in a million years. I'll do a lot of things, but I will never hurt you. Ever."

.

And a lot of things have- have happened, and I- I don't really know who I am right now, or what I believe. Hell, half of me thinks I should lock you up right now- NO! Sorry, sorry- I'm not going to, I'm just- don't leave, please-

...Owen, I don't- I don't know about this...

Apo, please. Please.

...

And- and I never told you this- but after I learnt that you, you flipped the lever, I went to Soup about it. And I talked to her. And she told me- she told me- she told me that you'd had my back through thick and thin, and this was just one slip-up. She said you did an awful thing, but- but you're allowed to forgive people. She told me that fear makes people act strangely, and- and she said you were feeling so much fear.

Owen-

Let me finish.

I don't-

P- hhhh. I can't- please.

Are you crying?

.

As- let me keep talking. This is important.

Because then when you were in jail, I wrote you that letter, do you remember?

I- yes, Owen, of course I remember-

I don't know- I don't know how that ended up for you, or how you felt about that, but what I do know is that- is that when I walked into- into that prison, barely breathing, and let you out, you-

You helped me. You hadn't seen me in months, and you helped me, and I don't- I don't-

Breathe. You're- Owen, you're going to choke on your tears, you need- you need to sit down-

SHUT UP!

...

I'm sorry- I- I need to keep talking, please let me keep talking-

...

Th- thank you. And when I got my memories back- I don't know- I-

I want to be better. I was happier when I- I don't know. I still think- your kind- is not to be trusted, and I think you're liars, and thieves, and-

Hhh.

But I'm- I've decided, I'm just going to sit tight, and- and I'm not going to kill you.

What a relief.

I promised. I don't break my promises.

You've hurt me in the past-

Before I made that promise. Past resets, past lives.

...

So if I'm to believe... this, then... what's next? Why did we meet? Do you have some grand plan to get us out of here, or-

We met up because I missed you, you idiot.

oh

You're my best friend, I can't- I can't believe I've killed you, so many times, I- I'm sorry. And that'll never be enough, never, but I am. I am so, so sorry.

Apo, I love you, and I miss you, and I'm sorry.

That's- that's all I can offer.

oh.

I love you too.

.

What?

You heard me.

But I hurt you. I- I killed you. I stabbed you, and called you vile, and- and I don't-

I used to tell you I loved you, didn't I?

I mean, yes, but-

And I remembered everything then. Owen, I will always forgive you. No matter what. You're my anchor, here, and every time the story resets, those months when we're the best of friends, before I pull the lever- because I have to pull the lever, every time, I have to- that's the time I look forward to. That's- that's my favorite part of life.

F- fuck-

I thought you didn't swear-

Oh my god, you are actually- holy shit, bro, clean up those tears-

.

.

.

Do you, like, want a hug? Or something?

...

It's okay if not-

Sorry, it's just- you're a demon, and I know you're not like the others, but I can't-

Okay, so first off, we're gonna need to work on that racism, hooooly moly. Secondly, you've hugged me plenty of times before, and never contracted whatever deadly demon desease you seem to think you're gonna get. So bring it in.

...

pt pt ptp tp pt

OH-

I didn't mean run into me at full pelt, I-

Too bad.

...I missed you.

I missed you too.

[oldsargasso]

4 minutes ep 5 thoughts

can't believe we're over halfway through :( but how nice to be able to watch on iqiyi

a warning for flashing lights would've been good

bless. she played that perfectly because that was an expression every woman can recognise instantly but [straight] men have no idea

okay I love title's shirt. confirmation it's tonkla who takes him out then

the grass, the trees, it all has a very dream-like, unreality/hyper-reality in a way kinda feeling. the establishing shot of the grass just feels like a movie in an intentional way

omg they're glamping!! I thought it was a tent at the end of last ep but I didn't think it'd look like that lmao

[we haven't seen tyme wear a necklace yet have we? yet in the first visions of them having sex he definitely has one on. just thinking about it now because his shirt is like making it very obvious.]

they are soooooooo. I gotta go lie down on the floor. tyme straight up serenading great, the man does have moves. (where'd he get a guitar from? it came with the campsite)

the most insane thing is that they're both still wearing shoes and socks around. (<- might be assigning australian values here)

musician AU CONFIRMED.

just taking a moment to appreciate jes' acting. my goodness. my HEART.

NAN BACKSTORY!! bee I love you as well. miscarriage? oh damn. this is depressingly real. I hope Nan gets to burn everything down

the framing of tyme and great in these shots is so interesting. tyme always on the left, often higher. don't even need to mention the black&white.

why is what's on the picnic table so blurry or are my eyes going weird

"what if the next death is you?" "I don't have anything to lose." okay. pain.

I love Korn losing it.

oooohhh sa-marn. this is the one single thing I've liked him doing. (and not just because it means we get to see great's mother again 😍 the one sleeve look is perfect)

"the son of yours" number one thing not to say to your wife unless it's a cute joke

god great's even got a red number plate to match his car lmaoooo. actually surprising to me that his car doesn't have a GPS tracker or something. korn's gonna be waiting for great isn't he.

if it started as ~seducing great to get to his parents it's so far past that now. the look tyme is giving great….. the hand on the back of the neck. leave me here to die actually.

oh god this horror movie shot. oh lmaooo. den my guy. oh I don't recognise that dude hmmm. title?

great just straight up walked in front of that car. dude. if there was ever a time to be aware of your surroundings… oh it was korn so who cares. wait he's got a red number plate too, that does NOT match your car.

can't park there.

the man with his shirt unbuttoned down to his navel is taking about how serious this business is

there's that older brother "I'll do it so you don't have to" idc I live for this kinda stuff

honestly I thought korn was gonna be waiting inside great's apartment so that was way less intense than I was expecting lol

CLOCK'S BACK!!

OH MY GOD. holy shit great's dad is. incredible. awful. lovely little note that he said stay away from great before he said stay away from the company. (the like, heartbeat in the OST? gorgeous) take the money and then do your thing anyway, like what are they gonna do? call the cops?

I wonder if that's his maternal or paternal grandmother. it doesn't matter I just like knowing stuff

dude nan has been through it, let her have her revenge!! it's not like she's getting the 5 million so. I understand her.

aww manee's out of hospital.

korn getting slapped…you love to see it

since she mentioned her dad being powerful I am now assuming she and title are siblings lol. korn doesn't deserve this woman she should marry me instead

I'm way more into the idea of ep 4 being great's first time with a dude because that makes tyme blocking him now all the more delicious 😌

I wanna just. applaud all of this. the sound. the cinematography. the look on her face.

oh shit great's gonna get shot now isn't he

(did his mum kill korn's mum)

first flashback/flashforward in a little while. this guy is bold and dedicated to his job - nobody heard the first gunshot?

half of great's face covered in blood spatter….perfect. the clock has started.

hmmmm. okay. this better not turn out to all just be in great's head because that is the worst of all theories lol.

thank god den can recognise people from split-second glances he's the most powerful character ever

this is what tyme's wearing when he gets shot in ep 1. the BLOOD ON HIS FACE cutting in and out with the light? hellllloooo. next episode is tyme right?

[eff-plays]

sorry for being a hater but i just saw someone say something to the effect of “oh i hate the gur for what they did to astarion, they’re all terrible so i always kill them </3” and I legit can’t do this anymore we are so fucking cooked

bg3 fandom’s ability to woobify yt boy astarion and make him a victim of those ~awful~ brown ppl (while conveniently ignoring everything he did to them) is something that needs to be studied. first it was abt how evil and shitty wyll is for making a mean joke at his expense. now it’s abt how the gur are the REAL villains/assholes and their feelings towards him are completely unjustified (yes he’s racist towards them, yes he kidnapped their children, but that latter part is technically cazador’s fault so they shouldn’t be angry w/ him 🥺). insanity

Sorry? Sorry? Sorry? You saw this with thine own eyes? On here tungler? Holy shit. And I thought my For You was fucked, you must be in some deep-ass trenches my friend. Get on outta there!!! Save yourself!!!

The thing about Wyll making a rat joke is so ...??? Like Astarion literally calls a rat a snack at some point? Like with his own mouth he says that? And yeah it's different when someone makes a joke at their own expense vs when someone else says it but like? It's clearly humorous to him on some level so do we also cancel Astarion for being mean to Astarion?

Is is a mean joke on Wyll's part? Yeah! So fucking what? People can be mean and catty sometimes. People go insane for Astarion being a huge cunt but the moment Wyll makes one mean joke it's all torches and pitchforks. Why does the one Black companion have to walk on eggshells around the white fave? Oh wait.

Also, Wyll literally knows from the start that Astarion is a vampire and doesn't rat (ha) him out? Which is just a huge fucking favor he does for a guy he doesn't know but who might be dangerous? Are we gonna gloss over that because of one mean joke? Braindead fandom.

[orcboxer]

having painstakingly looked through every palworld creature design, I can confidently say I ain't interested. I wanted my negative first impression to be wrong but lord amighty it does not look better up close.

I was an absolute pokemon kid growin up and I love seeing people's fakemon and fangames and the idea of a poke-like game appeals to me, so I have a lot of thoughts. if you feel defensive of palworld then uhhhh don't read this because tldr I think it looks awful

I thought it looked bad when it was announced so I wasn't paying close attention, but lookin through the pals quickly killed what little interest might have been lurking in me. like I don't wanna be unfair to anybody tryna make pokemon-like games, but these things weren't made with love I can tell you that for sure. there's maybe like 5 that look pretty good and original but the rest.... where do I begin

So first thing, the ripoff pokemon designs. I thought people were exaggerating but oh my god, they weren't. I would be disappointed to see one knockoff pokemon model, but there are dozens of them holy shit. Like at least half the dex is badly-tweaked pokemon models. This alone is enough to completely turn me off to the game because creature design is the heart and soul of this genre so if you ain't even gonna bother making your own damn creatures, what's the fuckin point? Even on some of the more "original" designs, I can point to at least one element that was straight up copy/pasted from an existing pokemon.

Second thing, recycled models within the game. Why do so many bird pals use the same (ripped off) body model? Why do so many pals suffer from same-face syndrome? The first pal I saw was Chillet, I thought it was cute. When I looked through the pals, I kept thinking "oh that face looks like Chillet. oh hey that face looks like Chillet. that one too." The overall effect of this is that a majority of the designs are forgettable, they blur together and feel indistinct from one another. the dex feels increasingly hollow with each reused asset. if you got 10 bird designs and 6 of them look the same, you really only got 5 bird designs.

Third thing (sort of. it's related to the other two), I noticed that there are no object-mon designs in palworld, which I would guess is intentional. I get the feeling that the devs were like, "object-mon are stupid, everything has to look like a creature," which is a common discourse topic in poke-like fan communities, and I think that maybe this played a part in the reusing of assets, because making animalistic creatures that look both natural and distinct from each other is hard! Trying to fill a whole dex with no inorganic-ish creatures is a daunting task, and at a certain point you either need a lot of time, or a lot of artists, otherwise you get same-face syndrome and heavy asset recycling. (I personally enjoy object-mons, as they're reminiscent of yokai, it's like hey here's a mundane object that has been inhabited by a little spirit! I think it's cute.)

Fourth thing, the silhouettes are too busy. Chillet works because it's simple and distinct. Most pals, though, have too many features going on at once, and you couldn't really play "who's that pokemon" with them. Again, this is a consequence of trying to mix-and-match the same pool of assets instead of designing from scratch. In order to make them look more distinct from each other you have to just add a bunch of unnecessary frills and appendages that makes for a cluttered visual impression.

Fifth thing, varying degrees of detail? Some of those pals have smooth, almost textureless skin/fur, but then others like jormuntide have super detailed texture? (also I know I've seen jormuntide's face before, it's from a different game on the tip of my tongue but I can't place it right now, but that's beside the point) You generally want to keep your creatures relatively consistent in terms of like, level of texture detail. It's like some of them are just higher resolution. Which if I'm being honest makes me think they stole assets from more than just Pokemon.

Finally, edginess. Maybe this is just me being too cynical but it feels like this game hates Pokemon. It feels like middle schoolers making jokes about hurhur what if somebody killed Barney the Dinosaur with a gun. The whole making them work in factories and butchering them? Who is the target audience here? There's a pal called Hangyu which vaguely resembles a noose and its dex entry says it was used to execute people by hanging them and also ripping their skin off....Come on man.

in terms of pal design, I give palworld 2/10 because Chillet is cute

[carriagelamp]

Early Spring (March - April) Books

My main takeaway from the books I read over the past couple months that by god if you're going to do something, at least commit to the bit. I would say the books I liked the most this month were the "cheesy" ones or the oddballs, and my least favourite were just... profoundly average. So basic and uninterested in its own premise as to be offensive. At least if you're over-the-top you're making me feel something! Which is more than I can say for some of the books on my list...

Dumplin’

I’ve seen this book frequently in bookstores, and I know it was fairly popular at the time so after my mom watched the film and recommended it to me I decided it was about time to read it properly. 

The plot follows Willowdean, a fat girl who is generally fairly comfortable in her skin — or who has always seen herself as such. But with her former pageant queen mom getting into the latest pageant season, her best friend getting more and more involved in romance, and Will finding herself enamoured with a coworker she is struggling more and more with complicated feelings about how she views herself and how others view her. In an effort to fight back against it, she decides to sign up for the most recent pageant.

It was decent! I can’t really complain. I got the audiobook and it was fairly chill, low-stakes listening. High school drama is never my first choice, but there were enough good things about this book. My biggest complaint is that the ending was very anticlimactic. This is the sort of book where I want the big, cliche, over-the-top satisfying finale! It's about misfits taking over a small town beauty pageant!! I want it in the style of Hairspray or Legally Blonde or something!!! But the book was so painfully self-aware that it really tripped itself up in “therapy talk” and "realistic" endings that just took the wind out of its sails, rather than asking what the satisfying ending is. Still, worth the read if you enjoy a YA coming of age story.

Fence v1

Christ all mighty folks. I feel like I’m being gaslit here. This comic had some rave reviews on goodreads so I grabbed the first couple books from the library and it’s? actually just awful? I figured, hey, this will probably be done in the style of a sports manga, right? I enjoy a sports manga from time to time, especially a queer one. And you can tell that that’s what it’s inspired by. But holy SHIT is it boring. Like the art is AGONIZING. It’s stiff and uninspired and emotionless. I’ve read manga that’s managed to make the fucking board game go look like a high-stakes action adventure, and this book managed to make TEENAGERS WITH SWORDS boring as hell. I don't know enough about the author to tell if this is indicative of her usual work, or if the fault lays in just the blandest art imaginable but seriously, what the fuck. Don’t read this. I’m gonna go reread Haikyuu instead and remind myself that some people know how to draw sports scenes that are capable of making me feel things. Jesus.

Fullmetal Alchemist

A reread ♥ I stumbled across an FMA fanfiction by pure chance at the beginning of March and it made me dig out my books and reread the first few volumes. Always a cozy story to return to. If you've never taken the time to read Fullmetal Alchemist... honestly I'm not sure what rock you've been living under but you should do it. An unshakeable classic for a REASON

Home of the Brave

I picked this one up because I really enjoyed Applegate’s free verse novel Odder and I heard this one was written in a similar style. I knocked it out in a single day, it was a very quick read but a very heartfelt story. I can't say that I think everything about it was done perfectly, but for the style and intended audience, it was pretty solid. Made you look at things from a different perspective, had some really heart-wrenching realities to consider, and a lot of feel-good heart.

It followed Kek, a young immigrant from Sudan who has come to live with his aunt since his father and brother were killed and his mother is missing. It explores Kek’s adjustment to living in the United States, how the trauma continues to affect him, and how he begins to make friends — with a neighbour living with a foster family, an old woman, and her cow.

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid v1

I’ve seen gifs of this around, and found a copy of it in the used bookstore so I figured… why not. Is it a good book? No. Not sure I'd bother reading the second, but it was weird enough to have made it worth reading. If nothing else, the premise was strange, art took me by surprised at time, and managed to make me chuckle along from time to time.

Kobayashi helps out a dragon who is now determined to live with her and help her out in an effort to seduce her repay her kindness. The story starts with the dragon being completely heartbroken that Kobayashi would honest rather just take the train on her commute rather than ride a dragon to work because scales are frankly uncomfortable.

Murder Most Puzzling

A fun little book of brainteasers! Each mystery includes a short story description (based around a private detective and her harried assistant) along with hand-drawn art. Between these two things, you’re supposed to deduce who the culprit of each crime is, with all the answers in the back of the book. It was pretty to look at and fun to work through, especially with a friend.

My Happy Marriage v1

Quite enjoyed this one! Is it a really well-written book? No. It’s very simple. But the plot is exactly the sort of sweet, cheesy story that I enjoy.

A very Cinderella-esque story, Miyo is from a noble-born family but suffers under her abusive family: an indifferent father, a cruel step-mother, and a selfish, haughty step-sister. She is treated even worse than a servant, and has resigned herself to existing like a meek, cringing shadow in her own home — her lack of magic that people in her class are expected to have makes her feel like this is entirely earned and inescapable. The story kicks off when she is callously married off to a young nobleman who is notorious for scaring away brides within days; he is said to be cold and cruel. Miyo is perfectly prepared for this new home to be no different than her last home...

Old-Fashioned Cupcake with Cappuccino 

A sequel to Old-Fashioned Cupcake, in which Nozue and Togawa begin to navigate the more complicated aspects of a relationship that has progressed beyond outings as friends and casual dates, to spending nights and a growing interest in living together. A homophobic society and their own hang-ups make this a complicated topic to navigate and there’s a lot of ups and downs, but it’s ultimately just as sweet as the first part.

Railsea

My favourite read from spring so far — absolutely deranged, I’m going to have to read more by this author. I saw a tumblr post that described this as a dystopian Moby Dick novel crossed with Treasure Island… with giant mutant moles rather than whales and trains instead of ships. Frankly, if that doesn’t also grab you by the throat and make you want to read it, I don’t know what to tell you. The author’s writing style is very distinct, and mimics what you expect from something like Moby Dick or Treasure Island, and he doesn’t bother holding your hand as he introduces this strange world to you. The world-building is really top tier, it’s completely bizarre and yet it feels very natural once you see how it works. The underlying themes are also just breath-taking. It was a masterfully written book and just a pure delight, especially once the second half kicks off.

The Serpent and the Wings of Night

Speaking of books that got rave reviews and that I feel are gaslighting me…

This came to me highly recommended and the goodread reviews seemed to agree… and guys, just wholly shit. Pure opposite of Railsea. Boring trite language, world-building that made absolutely no fucking sense, and characterization that felt like negative space. A pure void of characterization that sucked my entire will to live into it like a black hole. Like, this book so clearly did not actually give a shit about its own premise and didn't make a single effort to create a cohesive world or narrative... it leaned on tired tropes so heavily that it creaked. I had a couple mutuals that got to listen to me liveblog this and I couldn’t get through more than a couple paragraphs without losing my shit. Complete garbage, clearly riding on the coattails of A Court of Thorns and Roses without understanding what actually made that series compelling. I absolutely did not finish this book. The little bit I did read nearly killed me.

Heaven Official's Blessing (TGCF) v6

I continue to be completely enamoured with Heaven Official’s Blessing. The only reason I’m not tearing through these books faster is because a) I don’t want it to end and b) it keeps making me want to stop and write fanfiction about it instead. Getting to learn more about Xie Lian's past, the fall of Xianle, and the complete collapse of his life was just... ouch. My heart. Had to stop and cry about Xie Lian and Hua Cheng a LOT during this one folks.

The Wild Robot Protects

The third installment of Roz’s life on her island with her son, Brightwing, and her various animal friends. This time a deadly tide is sweeping through the ocean, killing any living thing that comes in contact with it, putting enormous strain on the resources of the island as animals try to move inland to escape it. Roz takes it upon herself to venture north and find the cause of this tide.

It was… meh. A middling book. Not bad, good for kids who are enjoying this series, a good lesson about how pollution, the inter-connectivity of nature, and marine conservation. But given how good the first two books in the series were, I was a bit disappointed with this one. It felt long winded and boring, with nothing of note actually happening until literally the last couple chapters.