#not going to lose sleep over this show.....i just think it's wasted potential....

[eatsteas]

my main issue with snw aside from the set design and the annoying quippy dialogue is the continuity. like it makes so many of the tos storylines kinda nonsensical. if the gorn are a known menace to humanity then arena doesn't make that much sense. (also i know it's a prequel but the whole point of arena was to not judge the aliens as violent and warlike.....and then snw comes and makes the aliens irredeemably violent and warlike.....) if t'pring is buds with everyone on the ship the reveal of everyone specifically chapel and uhura having no idea who she is in tos is super weird. id really love if they really started exploring strange new worlds instead of exploring the same plotlines from the 60s. i want to like the show but to me it's just mid.

[endthedream]

a sweet melody

pairing: siren!haechan x human!reader (she/her)

summary: Insanity isn’t what she expected to receive when she joined her father and his crew on an expedition, full of men who think she isn’t capable of anything. But it’s all that she got after seeing nothing but endless water every single day. Maybe that’s why her mind started imagining a strange boy who finally shows her the appreciation she deserves. Maybe that’s why she ignores the way she can’t escape the trance he puts her in whenever he sings a melody for her. Or maybe everything is real, and the boy isn’t who he pretending to be.

words: 12.5k

story colour: green

some warnings:

it’s angst, the word “killing” gets mentioned a few times but nothing happens, heavy manipulation

masterlist of ‘nct dream as super natural creatures’

August 2nd, 1878

Day 25 on sea

I don’t remember the feeling of solid ground under my feet. Grass under my toes, touching stone walls or sleeping in a soft bed that isn’t rocking from the waves crashing against the ship.

I don’t remember the taste of air that isn’t filled with salt. The taste of anything other than fish.

I don’t remember not being nauseous every day, not fighting against boredom, not having to talk to myself in order to stay sane. Having to remind myself that I am me and this expedition isn’t pointless and could possibly make us rich until the day we die.

Father told me to write down my thoughts, he senses that I’m slowly losing my mind. But how can’t I? All I see, day and night, are endless expanses of water. No land in sight. We are miles and miles away from civilization. Alone with the sea and what lays beneath it. That thought can be frightening sometimes.

My brother called me a wimp, told me I should have just stayed at home and let the men handle it. I think he is the one who is a wimp. He’s scared of the power women can hold in a world that is overpowered by men. He doesn’t want me here, thinks I belong only at home like the other women in our city. But I don’t believe that even for one second. I have so much more potential than cooking and taking care of children. I’m an explorer, an adventurer, a researcher. I belong exactly here with my brother, my father and his crew.

I am so much more than all of them point me out to be and I know I can prove exactly that to them. I can prove that women can do all things men have been doing for years, maybe even better. I will prove it, even if it makes me go insane.

August 7th, 1878

Day 30 on sea

I miss my mother. I miss her comforting words, her warm arms and the smell of her perfume. Father misses her too. We talked last night while watching the waves under the moonlit sky. He told me he thinks she is watching over us, protecting us from unknown dangers. He told me that he thinks she is proud of us, especially me, for having the courage to explore the sea. I think he is right. Mother would have loved for us to do the things she always dreamt of doing. Exploring. She always wanted to know what lays beyond the sea, know the secrets behind it and write it all down.

Mother was the creative one in our family. She wrote poems, drew beautiful paintings and crafted useful things out of our waste. There was nothing she couldn’t do, no challenge she couldn’t face. I admired her for that, looked up to her and wanted to be like her. Father says that sometimes he sees a bit of her in me, a bit of her creativity leaking out of my aura, but most of the time I am like him. A big pighead who is way too nosy for their own good. But he also said that this trait will help me on our journey.

“We need people like you.”, he spoke as he looked into the sparkling reflection of the stars on the water. “People who are brave and people who are inquisitive. People who don’t stop when it gets too much and get driven by the passion of wanting to know what lays beneath the unknown. That’s why I want you here.”

“But why did you bring my brother as well? He is nothing like that.” My comment made him let out a quiet laugh, a sound I haven’t heard from him in a while.

“Because he can fight. We need people like that as well.”

Our talk was over after that. He went to sleep, and I stayed up, watching the stars in the dark night sky and thinking about his words. Does he really want me here or is he just being nice to me because I’m his daughter? The others on the ship are not shy to express their dislike for me. I’m not taking it to heart since they care more about my gender than my capabilities. But I care about my father’s opinion. I care what he thinks about me being on this ship with him and if he thinks that I should have stayed at home like everyone else is telling me.

I hope he didn’t lie to me. I hope that his words were sincere, and he actually wants me to be here. Because I think it would shatter me if he didn’t.

I figured I should talk more about my current mental state. Every day I try not to show how much it affects me that even though there are so many people on this ship, I’m still alone. No one wants to talk to me, no one cares about my opinion, and no one wants me here. I spend most of the day watching the ocean, listening to the waves and the birds stopping by. When I see something, an animal or even just seaweed, I write it down and draw a picture of it. It helps me a bit, I think, but I’m not quite sure.

Yesterday a boy, his name is Jisung, let me help him prepare a fish. It was the first time someone had spoken to me without throwing an insult at my head. I haven’t seen him much around the ship since he spends most of the time in the kitchen with his father. But he seemed nice enough, even though as soon as another crew member approached us, Jisung ran away from me, not wanting to be seen with the “intruder”. I wasn’t offended by it, at least I got to eat a nice fish for dinner.

But I’m wandering again. My mental state. I do think I’m getting a bit… well, crazy. But who isn’t? Everyone on this ship is going through the withdrawal of feeling solid ground under their toes and seeing anything other than salt water every single day.

I think we all are slowly losing it.

August 15th, 1878

Day 38 on sea

The air was nice today. It smelled fresher than before, kind of like we entered a new world overnight.

It just felt so clean.

Maybe that’s exactly what I needed, some fresh and clear air, something that removed the mess inside of me as well. Father said that fresh air always helps with an occupied mind. I guess his thesis has been proven right.

I should listen to him more.

He is old and keeps to himself most of the time, but when he actually does talk, it has an impact. Just yesterday two of the men on the boat accidently- in a drunken manor- knocked over two wooden boxes full of fish we haunted, leaving us with not much left. Father was furious, I could tell by the look on his face, but he kept his calm image. He went up to the two men and instead of screaming, he just stared at them for a few minutes. I think his eyes were what intimated them the most.

“You realize what you just did?”, he asked them, and I never heard his voice being so cold. They just nodded their heads, eyes widened like they were deer’s getting hunted by a wolf. “You realize what that means for the two of you?” Hesitation lingered in their demeanor. Clearly, they didn’t know what consequences followed their stupid mistake.

“Since you prevented us from having a week stock of fish, I’m going to do the same to you. That means limited access to food, no alcohol anymore and you are going to clean the boat from front to back. I want to see it spotless. Are we clear?” Again, their heads nodded faster than the wind blowing my hair away. They hurried off after being dismissed, leaving me standing there as father let out a long sigh.

It must be hard, having to be in charge of a bunch of grown men who act like children. And it must be hard seeing your own children having to face some of their own hardships as well. I’m not saying my brother is having a hard time on this ship, I’m saying in general. Someone filled with that much piled up anger, like my brother, must have some troubles they can’t communicate themselves.

It’s not like I have never tried. Talking to him, I mean. I did, plenty of times. But he never listens. And he never talks. I think it is the masculinity they force upon boys these days. It starts in school when they are just little fellows and continues all the way into adult hood. It teaches them not to cry, to hide their emotions and be strong.

I think that is stupid. I think that as human beings we were created to show our emotions. It’s our darn right to let ourselves feel everything freely without having to hide it.

But my brother is taking it seriously, says that the people in school would make fun of him if he’s showing weakness. Weakness. That is stupid. I think that hiding your emotions and building up this wrong image in which you hide behind a made-up strength, is what makes you weak.

I told him that and he just said: “And that’s why you’re a woman. You wouldn’t survive a minute being a man.”

And you wouldn’t survive a minute being a woman either. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to make him more upset, and I especially didn’t want to start a discussion about men and women with him. It is pointless, because no matter what I say, he will never see us as equals.

I wish I were closer to my brother. I wish he wouldn’t have to think about all this stupid stuff. And I wish I could live in a world where I could freely express myself without having to justify my every move.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

August 19th, 1878

Day 42 on sea

We saw dolphins today. They were swimming right beside our ship, jumping high up into the air and whistling at us. It was a magical moment, watching them happily swim, eager to interact with us. I even got to draw a picture of them. And for a moment I forgot that my mind is constantly spinning in a spiral. I just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace, before it got destroyed.

Some of the men on the ship, clearly drunk, threw bottles at the dolphins, slurring insulting words at them. The dolphins swam away shortly after, but the bottles stayed where they threw them, in the ocean. I was so mad that I went up to one of the men, yelling some pretty mean words as well.

“Are you out of your mind, you drunk filthy piece of shit? Not only did you hurt poor helpless animals that were clearly eager to interact with us, but you also polluted the ocean with your stupid bottles of alcohol. Are you really that messed up in your head to think this was a good idea? I don’t even get why you are on this god forsaken ship. You are clearly not good for anything other than drinking your days away and only caring about yourselves. And you call yourself a man. You are nothing but a pathetic little boy, wanting everyone’s attention. You disgust me, you pig.”

I can’t remember much afterwards, only the stinging feeling against my cheek, a foot against my rip cage and someone yelling to stop. I woke up not long ago. The ship is quiet, so I assume it’s already in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping, but I’m too scared to look. My body hurts, every time I move only a slight bit, a crushing pain curses through my bones.

When I close my eyes, everything is spinning, so I don’t close my eyes anymore.

I don’t regret what I said to that man. I don’t regret standing up to myself. I had to endure a worse treatment for a longer time and could handle it. It is not my fault that he couldn’t handle a bit of critique. All I hope is that this pain will go away soon. The pain inside and outside.

I’ve been thinking, maybe a bit too much. What if I change my way of thinking? What if instead of letting the ocean hurt me, I will let it heal me? What if instead of letting the loneliness consume me, I will let it lead me? Maybe all I have to do to get better is to change the way I approach this expedition.

And now that I have written it down, I will have to do it. My mother always said words only count when you write them on a piece of paper. In that way it is like a contract, unbreakable. It is like an oath you swear only to yourself, and those should be the most precious ones. She said you should always keep the promises you give to yourself, because after all, at the very end you will always have yourself to count on. Mother was a wise lady. A wise and confident woman, that I always looked up to. She was never afraid to speak her mind and stand up for her beliefs, I admired that side of her so much. And I know my dad also admired that.

Sometimes I forget that he lost his wife, I forget that he is still grieving. Because it looks so easy for him. It doesn’t look like he is compulsively taken of on a ship to “explore the unknown” just to get away from home and the recuring memories of the woman he loved so dearly. It looks like he created a team of the best- that’s arguable- men out there and took of to explore. He looks like a hero, not a broken man.

He hides everything so well. I wish he would have taught me how to do that.

August 20th, 1878

Day 43 on sea

Dad told me not to move too much. He thinks my rips are badly bruised and I need a few days, maybe even a few weeks to heal. We don’t have a qualified doctor on this ship, so I am just putting ice on my ribs and hope they will magically heal.

My brother even came to my room to ask me about my well-being. That was the last thing I expected to be quite honest with you. My brother and I have never had the best relationship. He was never a reliable soul, always easily influenced by others. He is a follower not a leader and that shows in the way he behaves towards others, especially towards me.

“Are you fine?”, he asked me, voice unusually soft. I could see it in his eyes, the pity that lies in them. It looked like he actually cares.

“Forgetting the circumstances, yes, I am fine.” He let out a long and deep breath, a hand stroking back a piece of hair that fell into his eyes. I should have asked him if I should cut his hair for him.

“Okay.”, he just answered, nodding his head before standing up again. “If you need anything, just call for me.” Without looking at me again, he left the room. All I could do after that was smile. It was the first encounter since we were kids that didn’t end up with me wishing I would never have to talk to him again. He may not know how to express what he is really feeling and is scared of voicing his own thoughts, but this small conversation showed me that he may not be all too bad.

August 25th, 1878

Day 48 on sea

I am going crazy. I sit on my bed every single day. I draw, I write, and I stare at the wall.

I can feel my thoughts circle around my brain, nothing makes sense. No one visited me in the past two days, and it makes the urge to get up even worse. I didn’t really have someone to talk to from the beginning, but at least I got to be around some living beings. I didn’t have to bear my own thoughts for such a long time. Now I’m not only alone, but I’m also lonely as well.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt about the ship sinking. It was absurd because the men drunk too much and their bellies got so bloated, it made the ship sink. But that wasn’t the frightening part. As I tried to swim for safety, my arms already hurting, I started hearing voices. Not just two, must have been a hundred of them. All of them whispering to me, but I couldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I kept swimming and swimming, far behind I saw hills. The voices didn’t stop. It felt like they were entering me, taking over every part of my body. My head felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces. They got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped swimming, letting myself sink. The water engulfed my whole body, entering my mouth and filling my lungs. The voices got quieter and quieter until there was only one left, loud and clear, telling me to “wake up”.

That’s when I opened my eyes, sweat dripping from my forehead and my breath uncontrollably fast. I never had a dream like that. I never woke up so disorientated. I wanted to tell someone about this dream, have someone explain to me what the meaning behind it is. I wanted to know if I’m really losing my mind.

August 27th, 1878

Day 50 on sea

I am losing my mind.

This can’t be real. I am writing this down to make sure I am wide awake and not dreaming.

I woke up from a noise. At first, I thought I was imagining it, because lately I’ve been imagining a lot of things. I wanted to go back to sleep, being exhausted from, well, doing absolutely nothing all day long, but then I heard it again.

It wasn’t just a noise. It was a melody, a very beautiful one. It sounded like the gateway to heaven, like it was sung by angels. And it made me feel drowsy.

I knew I needed to rest more, but something about this melody pulled me in. It made me forget the throbbing pain in my body and the events that happened days before. All it made me want to do was reach it, engrave it into my skin. It made me want to never hear anything else.

I was in a trance, no thoughts inside my head anymore.

So, I got up, walked out onto the deck of the ship to find out where this melody comes from. But when I reached the deck, I didn’t expect to see a boy sitting on the railing.

But it wasn’t an ordinary boy. Oh, no. Not like the ones I’ve seen in my town growing up. I can’t describe him in any other way than captivating. His jet-black hair softly swayed in the night wind, covering his eyes every few seconds. His cheeks adopted a soft rosy color from the coldness, contrasting the tan of his skin. And his eyes were almost as dark as the night sky.

I don’t know why I stared at him for such a long time, and I don’t know why he let me.

“You’re here.” Those were his first words. The first time I heard his voice. A voice that made time stop for a moment. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing against each other anymore, or the cracking of the old wood the ship was built with. I couldn’t even hear my heartbeat pumping against my chest. All I could hear was him. “I was waiting for you.”

“Who are you?” That was not what I wanted to ask him at that moment, but the sane part of my brain must have sensed that something wasn’t right. Something about the way my body reacted to this strange man was dubious.

“Haechan.”, he spoke with a soft voice, turning his body so that he fully faced me. A smirk was placed on his lips, only intensifying his tantalizing physique. “And you are?”

“Y/n.” My name came out in a mere whisper, fearing that my voice might have broken if I spoke any louder. I couldn’t stop staring at him, still having been sure that my mind was playing a trick on me or, well, still is.

For days no one has checked in on me, no one has talked to me more than five words. I’ve been on this ship for way too long seeing nothing but the endless nothingness of the sea. My mind has been plagued with recuring thoughts, never once having a quiet moment. Maybe this is the final sign. Maybe this is it. I am insane. So insane that I’m imagining a boy sitting on the rail of the ship just so that I have someone to talk to.

��A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Reaching one hand out, the boy signaled me to come closer to him. Every part of my body longed to take his hand and sit on the rail with him, but doubts started floating my brain.

“What are you doing here? How did you get on this ship?” Haechan, as I learned his name, just chuckled, a low sound that was so different from his honey voice. He looked amused at my asking, almost like he was making fun of me.

“Why did you come out here, Y/n?” I remember frowning at him, clearly feeling upset that he chose to ignore my question and ask one of his own. I felt upset that this boy, which I probably made up in my mind, didn’t show any respect for me at all. He, just like the others, ignores what I have to say, and I didn’t want to get treated that way, not after what happened last time.

So, instead of answering him, I turned around, heading back to my bed. But before I could even take a step, the melody I heard earlier started again. All the thoughts that I had in my mind at that moment flew away and I was, yet again, caught in a trance. It was like I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to.

“It’s you.”, I whispered, but he still heard me. I knew that because the melody got louder, clearer. I closed my eyes, letting his voice enter every part of my body. I let it fill me up and shut me down at the same time. I let it rearrange my mind and mend my wounds, but I also let it cut me open and bleed me dry. I gave myself into the sweet penetration of his honey laced voice and wanted nothing more than to make all his wishes and desires come true. I would have given him the world if it was possible. My whole body felt like it was floating on top of a cloud, high up in the sky and there was no way of ever coming down again. I was trapped.

“Come closer.”, he murmured, voice deeper and almost impending.

“No.”, I quivered, suddenly scared of ever opening my eyes again.

“Please, Y/n.”, he pleaded, and I could nearly hear the desperation in his voice. “Just please look at me.” And so, I did. He was not sitting on the rail anymore, he was standing right in front of me. A small smile on his lips and one hand stretched out to me. “Come closer please. I don’t want anything else from you.”

And as I was about to take the step towards him, give in to his demand and the growing need inside of me to grant all his wishes, I heard a voice behind me, calling out my name and breaking the trance I was in.

“Y/n?”

Turning around, I saw my brother standing further away from me, dressed in his nightly gown. “What are you doing out of your bed? You should rest, your body isn’t fully healed yet.”

“I was just talking to…” But when I looked for Haechan again, no one was standing there anymore. It was like I was alone all along. “I don’t know what I was doing.”

Suddenly I felt all the pain rush back into my body, my bones burning with fire, and I let out a loud groan as I fell to my knees.

“Y/n.” My brother rushed towards me, helping me up with his arms around me. “For someone who always seems so smart, you really aren’t the brightest.” I couldn’t even laugh at his words, my mind was too focused on the pain all over my body.

“You must have been sleep walking if you can’t remember what you were doing up there.” My brother said as he laid me back down into my bed and reached into a bucket of water to put a wet rag on my forehead. “Sleep now, okay? I will stop by in the morning again and check on you.” All I could do was nod my head at him, exhaustion consuming my body. He looked at me one last time before he left my room again.

And now I’m sitting here, writing in my foolish dairy and reminiscing about the strange boy I met. I must have imagined him. How could anyone come up onto the ship? I didn’t see another boat, nor did any other member of the crew. And the possibility of someone appearing out of the blue is also not likely.

The only possibility that is left is that I am losing my mind. That I imagined all of it out of pure loneliness and frustration. This expedition should have been educational for me. It should have proven to all the men that I, as a woman, can do what they can do. That I can be an explorer, a brave one even, and that I have the ability to find something new. That is why we started this journey, because we wanted to discover unknown things.

But all I am doing now is proving everyone exactly what they think of me, that I am small and weak. That I am not an explorer and that I should have just stayed at home. That I am not brave and definitely not smart. I proved to them that I am fragile and well, mental.

But no one has to know about it. No one has to know what happens in my head or the things I imagine. No one has to know I am practically insane and desperate. I could just simply fake it. Isn’t that what everyone does? Faking confidence.

Maybe if I fake it long enough and convince everyone that what they are saying and thinking about me is wrong, I might convince myself as well. Maybe I can convince my brain I’m fine while pretending to be.

So, from now on, everything’s okay. I am not insane, and I certainly am not imagining weird things.

I am okay.

Everything is okay.

August 29th, 1987

Day 52 on sea

Everything is not okay.

Yesterday the boy didn’t show up again. I wasn’t exactly looking for him, since my father spent most of the night in my room making sure I wouldn’t ‘sleep-walk’ again, but I can’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed not to hear his beautiful melody again.

I asked my dad if there is a word for the feeling of craving for someone, for feeling like the person took a part of you with them when they left and you long to be reunited with them. When all your thoughts are consumed with them, and your body is itching to be in the mere presence of that person. But also fearing the actual return of that person and the power they hold over you and your emotions. He told me it is called “withdrawal”.

“It is mostly referred to drugs such as alcohol.”, he explained to me as he tried to brush out the knots in my hair. “But I think it can be applied to humans as well. You know, sometimes we long for people we can’t have or people that aren’t good for us. We see the signs, but we ignore them. We give in to the sweet yearning and get hurt in the process. But if we don’t give in and the yearning grows stronger, we crave it even more. We think about the person every day, imagine their scent, their eyes, their voice. We imagine them being in a room with us, talking and laughing with us. We do the things that are most painful to us just to have what we long for, even if we know it’s not good for us. And it hurts, physically and emotionally.”

I turned around to look at him, inspect his face and read what he was feeling when he said those things. “It sounds like you have experience with that feeling.” My father just shrugged and at that moment he looked older. He looked like an old man who has been through too much in his life. A man who deserves a break.

“I’ve been around much longer than you, dear. There were mistakes made and hearts torn, but it all worked out at the end.”

“How?”, I ask, curious as to how such a sad feeling still turned into something good.

“Because I got you, and your brother. That’s my happy ending.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to storm into his arms and never let him go. But I didn’t do any of those things. I just smiled at him, nodded my head and hoped that was enough for him. Because while his words filled my heart to the brim with love, my body still ached, not from the pain but for the boy I only met once in my life.

That’s why I tried to ignore the melody a few hours ago when it started again. Father went back to his bed a few minutes before, wanting to get some well-deserved sleep, leaving me alone in my room. I, as well, wanted to get some rest, but then I heard it. It was loud and clear, and more beautiful than I had remembered it to be. Almost immediately I felt my whole mind switch, forgetting the conversation I had had with my father. All that was in my head was him, Haechan.

I wanted to see him, no, I needed to see him. I felt lost without him, so empty and incomplete. I felt like my world wasn’t spinning correctly, time was going backwards, and the stars were falling out of the sky. Nothing felt right anymore. Not until I was with him.

I reached my door, but before I could open it something woke me up. Not from a dream, but from a trance. A smell, a very familiar one. It took up all my senses and brought me back to reality.

I realized what I was about to do and quickly sat back down on my bed, not daring to even set a foot on the floor anymore. It was frightening, what I felt just then. The longing I felt, just from one simple melody. I don’t know this boy, why would I feel so strongly about him? Why does he have so much power over my emotions?

His melody got louder. For a moment my head felt like it was exploding. He sounded sad, sorrowful. It broke my heart into pieces hearing him so vulnerable, longing for me the same way I was longing for him. But I didn’t give in. A part of me, I don’t know which one, knew it was wrong to see him again. So, I stayed on my bed, legs tightly pressed against my chest and my hands on my ears, trying to cover his despairing voice.

10 minutes ago, it stopped. It just went away, like it was never there in the first place. Curiosity almost got the best of me and wanted to check if he really left, but I was too scared, I still am.

I don’t know what he is doing to be, why he is here and why he is targeting me. But I know that whatever he is doing, it can’t be with good intentions. A person that makes another person feel such outrageous things, can’t be here for anything good.

Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much. Because, after all, I made him up. He isn’t real so whatever he is doing isn’t going to hurt me. I think my mind is reflecting this pain on me to make sense of why it’s slowly decapitating. It’s trying to distract me from the actual damage in my brain.

At least that is the only logical answer to all of this. Because anything other would be, well, crazy and I’m not crazy. I might lose my mind, but I am not crazy.

August 30th, 1878

Day 53 on sea

Maybe I am a bit crazy, and reckless, and irresponsible and plain stupid.

“You left me standing here for a long time yesterday. I missed you, darling.” But I couldn’t help myself but visibly relaxing as I heard his voice again.

It was all I could think about all day long. Him and his melody. I wanted to feel it again. Feel it in my veins, feel it shutting out all the thoughts in my head. I just wanted this bothering craving to go away. I think it got so bad that even Jisung, someone who barely talks to me, noticed it.

“Are you okay? Don’t you like the food?”, he asked as he watched me stare at the food in front of me.

“Oh, sorry. It’s not the food, don’t worry. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” I gave him a little smile, grabbing a fork and shoving some food in my mouth.

“Is there a reason behind it? I hope it wasn’t me.” Jisung looked a bit guilty as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I spent the whole night cooking because I also couldn’t sleep. I hope I wasn’t too loud and kept you awake.”

“Oh, so that was what I smelled yesterday.” Internally, I couldn’t help but to be grateful for the boy sitting in front of me. After all, was he the reason why I didn’t give in to see Haechan. But I couldn’t tell him that. I was already glad someone decided to speak to me, I didn’t want to ruin it by my insanity. “But no, that was not what kept me up. I mean I smelled it, but I just had too much going on inside my mind to rest.”

The boy just nodded his head, shoving a fork full of food in his mouth. “Care to share some of your thoughts?”, he says with his mouth still full of food. He looked like a child in that moment, with his eyes wide and his mouth dirty with crumps.

“Just thinking a lot more about my mother lately.”, I told him, only half lying. Mother has been on my mind a lot lately, but that obviously wasn’t the reason why I couldn’t sleep. “I miss her. I mean I always miss her, but being so far away from home just makes me miss her more. You know, I see her everywhere. In the books I read, the words I write. I see her in the ocean, feel her in the air and smell her in every scent. It’s bizarre.”

“No, it’s not.”, Jisung disagreed, putting his fork down and propping his elbow up on the table to lean his face on his hand. “I miss my mother too. I mean, she isn’t dead, but her and my father are no longer together. She left with my sister, my father kept me, and I haven’t seen her in three years. I miss her too sometimes. But I think I miss the things she did for me more than I miss her. When I was a child, I always had trouble falling asleep so she would always tell me a bedtime story. I think that is why some nights I can’t seem to fall asleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Jisung. Next time you have trouble sleeping just get me. I can also tell you bedtime stories.”

He nodded yet again, showing me another one of his smiles. “Thank you, Y/n. And you know what? I think you are really brave. I wanted to say that to you earlier, but I never had the guts to actually do. I think that we can all be grateful that someone like you joined this expedition. We really need more smart crewmates on this ship.”

But I don’t think I am that smart anymore. I don’t think I even deserve to be called smart anymore. Because every single thing about the decisions I make is anything other than smart. And as I looked into the deep brown eyes of the boy in front of me, that only got confirmed.

“No answer? No ‘I missed you too’?” His voice had an alluring tone, soothing all the wounds inside me and doing things to my body I am too embarrassed to admit. “What a shame, sweet girl. I was pretty sure I could sense your longing for me yesterday. Maybe I was wrong.”

I didn’t know what to answer. And I honestly am glad I didn’t, positive that my voice would have come out in nothing but a pathetic whisper. Haechan was walking closer to me again, reaching his hand out again to hover over the skin of my arm but never touching me.

“Can you feel that?”, he whispers, eyes never leaving mine. “Can you feel the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin, the shiver down your spin?” He waited for me to answer him, but all I could do was nod. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Yes.” I answered him, voice cracking with that one simple word. “Yes, I can feel that.”

“Good. That is exactly what I want you to feel.” He took a few steps back again, so he was leaning against the railing. “Why did you decide to come here tonight? Couldn’t get enough of me?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing myself what the actual reason behind me coming to see him again was. “Why do you keep calling for me?”

“Calling for you? How exactly am I calling for you?” Cocking his head to the side, still wearing a smirk on his lips. But I don’t want to get too detailed about his face, still feeling a bit embarrassed of the things I felt in that moment.

“The melody your singing, it’s for me. You are calling me with your melody.” A chuckle left his lips, melodic like his voice.

“How can you be so sure of that? What if I just like to sing pretty melodies?” His question sounded so innocent and for a moment I was uncertain about my statement, fearing I might have misinterpreted everything. But I knew what I was feeling. I knew that his melody was meant to be for me and no one else. I know it might sound crazy, but the thought of him singing this melody, my melody, for someone else felt unsettling.

“Because if you sung it for someone else, they would stand here instead of me. No one else is responding to your melody, only me, so it must be for me.” For a few seconds there was nothing but silence around us. Haechan wasn’t saying a thing, seeming like he was thinking about his next words. And I didn’t say anything, fearing that if I might, he would disappear again.

“You’re right.”, he finally spoke up. “It is for you.”

“But why? Why do you sing this melody for me?”

“Because I wanted to meet you, Y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I got to have you. I got to be with you. I craved nothing more than to talk to you, to simply be blessed to be in the mere presence of you. I am longing for you, the same way you are longing for me, my love.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. His words filled up my heart, and I started feeling lightheaded.

He was craving for me. He wanted to meet me. Everything that I am feeling towards him, as strange as those emotions are, he is feeling for me as well. His words were the most beautiful, heart wrenching thing I have ever heard in my inter life. I felt lucky to be seen this way, to be wanted this way, never actually having had someone tell me that before.

He really went all this way, just to meet me. Singing this melody, coming up this ship. But isn’t it a bit strange as well? I remembered not seeing another ship anywhere nearby. Where did he come from? How did he see me? Questions started filling my mind again, shaking me awake.

“What did you mean when you said you wanted to meet me from the first time you saw me? When did you see me?” I could see his body tensing up. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a question.

“I can answer your question, but first you have to come with me. Please, Y/n. I will tell you everything, just please come with me. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

“Haechan.” I looked at his hand, which was reaching for me again, motioning me to take it in mind. “Where do you want to take me? I mean there is no other ship anywhere near.”

“Y/n, just trust me, okay? Come with me and I will make the thoughts in your head disappear. I will make everything heal for you.” His hands hovered over my arms again, almost as if he couldn’t touch me. I wanted him to. I wanted him to touch me so badly. But I could see that something in his eyes had changed. They were darker, more desperate and demanding, and I knew it was my time to leave.

“I can’t.”, I told him, taking a few steps back. “I have to get up early tomorrow.” And with that I left, not once looking back as I walked back into my room.

I don’t know if what I did was right, or if I upset him with my behavior.

All I hope for is that he isn’t mad at me and will forgive me when he comes back. If he comes back.

August 31st, 1878

Day 54 on sea

He did in fact come back.

“Missed me?” There was something more gentle in the way he was talking to me today. Something more reserved.

“What if I did?” That made him smile, not smirk like he normally does. Haechan showed me a bright honest smile. And all I could think about was that he never looked more ethereal than in that moment.

“Then I will be highly pleased, my love. You know why?” I shook my head as a no, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “Because I missed you too?”

“You did?”

“Of course, I did. You were all I could think about all day long, pretty girl.” He stayed a bit further away from me too today and I wondered why. I asked myself if he didn’t want to be close to me again or if he felt rejected after what happened yesterday. “I couldn’t stop thinking about your sweet smile, your beautiful eyes and your lovely voice. I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

“Why don’t you touch me?”, I said out of the blue, catching not only myself, but him off guard as well. “You never touch me. You only hover your hands above my skin. Why?”

He smiled again, sweet and kind. “Because if I touch you once, I will never be able to stop again.”

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” He only shook his head, turning around to face the stars instead of me. But I didn’t want him to look away, I wanted him to look at me, because when he does look at me, I can feel again.

“I am sorry about yesterday, you know? I am sorry I was too intrusive, I let myself get caught up in my emotions.” I had to process his words, that being the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth. Never once had a men apologized to me for anything. I am so used to getting treated like nothing and it being normal in a society like the one I grew up with. Never once has anyone cared so much about me to consider my emotions and apologize for a mistake.

“Thank you.”, I just whispered, trying to swallow the tears. “That means a lot to me.” I decided to join him at the rail, watch the stars with him for a little while.

“Do you know that I think you are not real? I think I am imagining you, because for the past weeks I have been slowly losing my mind. Seeing the same things every day, not talking to anyone and having to deal with all those thoughts in my head. I think I started imagining you so I could just stop time for a while.”

“But I am real.”, he said, looking deep into my eyes. “I am real. You are not insane, and you are definitely not imagining me. I can prove that to you. Just take my hand and you will see.”

“Why does that feel like a trap?”, I asked him, watching his face, trying to read his emotions. But it stayed the same. His smile didn’t butch for a second and his eyes still held the same gentleness.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Y/n. There is no trap. I am just offering you evidence to your lingering questions about your own sanity. I am just trying to be nice to you, but if you don’t appreciate that.”

“No, no I do. I am grateful for your kindness. You just sounded so demanding, and it made me doubtful.”

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. It was never my intention to make you doubt me. That will never happen again, okay? All I want is the best for you. Nothing more.” I just nodded, eyes facing the wooden floor of the ship. “I am going to tell you the story of why I so desperately wanted to talk to you, since I didn’t yesterday. Maybe that will cheer you up a bit again.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I was mesmerized by you. Because there are not a lot of people out there like you. People so willing to learn and to explore. I never met a woman like you, someone so strong minded and independent. I loved how you never let anyone talk bad to you and I love how despite the negative things the men on this ship say about you, you still stay here. You prove to them every day that you are capable of being on such an expedition and that you are more qualified than they could ever be. And I just knew I had to talk to you, I had to have you in my life.”

And it was like he knew what I needed to hear. Like he knew my deepest darkest thoughts and all the things I was craving to ever be told by someone. It was like he spoke right into my soul and built up this newfound strength. I felt empowered, I felt loved. But yet again, I was also wondering how he could know all those things about me.

“Why do you know all that, Haechan?”

“I told you already, Y/n. I was longing for you.” It didn’t make sense. His answer didn’t make any sense. Was he avoiding my question? Or maybe he understood the question wrong, thinking this was an answer that would satisfy me. But it didn’t.

“That doesn’t answer my question. How can you possibly know about all those? We just met.”

I could hear a sigh leaving his lips, the long and frustrated kind. I am familiar with those, having heard them a thousand times from my father and brother. And I asked myself if I, yet again, upset him with my question. If I should have just kept quiet and appreciated his kind words and moved on from the topic.

“And yet again you don’t appreciate my kindness. All I do is be nice to you, proving to you that I am real and trustworthy, and you still doubt me. Don’t you know how much that hurts me? Do you?” His voice rose visibly, nostrils flaring and eyes growing wider. Haechan wasn’t looking like himself at that moment. He almost looked inhumane.

“I am sorry, Haechan. Please don’t say that. I do trust you. Please, I’m sorry.”, I started begging him, reaching for his hand, which he pulled away. “Please.” Tears filled my eyes and my whole body started hurting again, like it was slowly breaking apart from the inside out.

“You hurt me, Y/n. I don’t think your apology can fix this.”

And this time it was him walking away, disappearing into the darkness, and leaving me standing at the same spot, mourning for him like I had just lost a person to death.

September 1st, 1878

Day 55 on sea

I could see the surprise on his face when he saw me standing there, waiting for him this time, not needing his melody to be called. But the look of surprise quickly faded away and a smirk replaced it instead.

“I see you don’t even need my melody anymore.” It almost sounded cocky the way he said it.

“I wanted to be here first so I could apologize to you.”, I spoke the words with so much sincerity, wanting him to believe me and see that I genuinely mean the apology. “I am really sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. It was never my intention. All I want to do is make you happy, Haechan, and I am so sorry that I failed to do so.”

He looked at me for a few seconds, brows raised, before he shrugged his shoulders. “What will you do if I don’t accept your apology?”

I didn’t hesitate when I spoke my next words. “I will beg for your forgiveness. I will beg until you accept my apology. I will do anything you want me to.”

“Anything I want you to?”, he asked, and I just nodded my head at him, desperation fulling my actions and probably written all over my face. “I will hold onto that one.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” Haechan shrugged again, taking a few steps forward into my direction. Looking at him in that moment, I didn’t think he looked hurt. Normally people have this look on their face when their feelings got hurt, quivering lips, wide and sad eyes, body folding in on itself. But Haechans eyes were almost narrowed, and he was towering over me, almost like he was looking down at me. My father once told me people do that to prove their dominance over the other person, but I don’t think that was what Haechan wanted to do in that moment. Or was it?

Maybe Haechan is just like my brother, a person who has to hide their true feelings behind a stone-cold face to demonstrate strength. Or maybe he just didn’t want me to see him hurt by me to make me feel less guilty. Because I was and still am feeling bad for making him feel that way yesterday. I still regret my words and wish I would have just shut my mouth. I should do that more often, shutting my mouth in some situations. It would have saved me from a lot of things.

“I’m still thinking about it. Maybe I will tell you my answer at the end of the night.” That gave me some hope. Even though he didn’t yet accept my apology, he still wanted to spend time with me and that was more than enough for me.

“I saw you talking to that Jisung guy again today.” Haechan was still towering over me, hands in the pockets of his pants and eyes narrowing in on my face. “What is so intriguing about him that you talk so much to him?”

“Did you watch me?”, I asked him, shock lacing my voice. Jisung and I only talked in the kitchen today. I was hungry since I overslept in the morning and didn’t have breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen to grab myself something, Jisung was standing there, preparing the fish for dinner. We spent some time together, me eating my food and him cooking more. There wasn’t a lot of conversation, we just basked in the presence of each other.

“I asked you a question first.”, Haechan voice got lower again. I could only describe it as sinister. There was an undertone in that one small sentence, something that told me I should not say the wrong thing. So, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, fight through the mess in my head and find an answer that will satisfy him.

“He isn’t interesting to me.”, I tell him, keeping my voice clear and loud. “He is just the only person that talks to me when you aren’t here. There is nothing more to it.”

“It didn’t look like that earlier, sweetheart. I thought the two of you looked very cozy in that kitchen, sneaking glances at each other.” He let out a sound similar to a ‘tsk’ and shook his head in a mocking manner. “Am I not enough for you anymore? Do you go around and search for other men when I’m not around? Are you so desperate and needy for attention?”

“No.”, I whispered, feeling even the small last bit of confidence leaving my body. Haechan has a way of making me feel weaker and weaker, draining every last thought out of my head and making my body his. “No, Haechan.”

I felt my legs give him, sinking to my knees. My body felt so heavy but at the same time so light. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, lowering his head so he was looking right into my eyes. ��You can’t talk to other men, Y/n. You are mine only, do you understand?” All I could do was nod my head at him, but that didn’t satisfy him. “You belong to me, right, my sweet girl? I need you to say it.”

“I belong to you.”, I mumbled, not having the strength to fully open my mouth.

“That is right. You belong to me, your body belongs to me and even your mind belongs to me. You are all mine, pretty princess.” He took up all my senses. I could only see him, smell him, hear him, feel him everywhere. Like only he excited in this world and no one else.

Haechan leaned forward, his lips brushing the skin of my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and it sent shivers down my back. “Now come with me, darling. Take my hand and come with me. I will make sure you remember me forever.”

I reached for his hand, fingers brushing against each other, but before I could close them around his, a bright light shined a bit further away from us. Everything happened so fast after that. I heard footsteps, a voice and suddenly I felt empty. Haechan was no longer kneeling in front of me and right as I wanted to look for him, my body gave in, and I fainted onto the cold wooden floor.

I don’t know how I got into my bed, and I don’t know who brought me into my bed. All I know is that the moment I woke up again I craved Haechan even more than I did before and I know that the next time he asks me to come with him, I will do so, without any hesitation.

September 2nd, 1878

Day 56 on sea

Everything changed today. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I felt. A lie.

I can’t stop crying. My tears are flowing like an endless waterfall. I’m a mess, a disaster. How could I let this all happen? I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I was stronger than this. But I was blinded. I was corrupted, manipulated, used.

I feel dirty, like I haven’t washed in weeks. But I just did. I spent a long time trying to scrub away the dirt I felt, trying to scrub away the shame I felt. I put everyone, especially me, in danger with my reckless behavior, with my blindness, with my incompetence. I am a failure.

I spent the whole day ignoring everyone around me, not even looking at anyone that passed me by. I wanted to desperately prove to Haechan that I only want him and no one else, that everyone on this ship doesn’t matter to me. All that matters is him. I was hoping he was watching me again, being proud of me.

But unfortunately, there was one person I couldn’t avoid even if I tried to.

“You wanted to speak to me, father.”, I said as I entered my father’s office room. I have never been in that room, not once over all these weeks. The room was scattered in books, empty bottles and maps of the sea. I always imagined the room to be neater, at least that was what my father always seemed to be. But my mother told me once that your room reflects the mental state you were in. Maybe my father was also struggling with his sanity.

“Yes.”, he answered me, looking up from his book. “I wanted to see how you are feeling, after your little incident yesterday.”

“I’m feeling fine, father. Must have been me sleep walking again. There is nothing to worry about.”

He just hummed, his face showing the uncertainty he felt because of my words. My father mustered me for a few seconds, waiting for even a little muscle to twitch in my face to show him if I was lying. But I kept a straight face, looking him right into the eyes. “I am thrilled to hear that. And we will find a way to fix your nightly problem.”

Father went back to reading in his book, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, the curious part of me wondered what he was so engrossed in. I always loved the books my father reads, knowing that they are filled with new knowledge. “What are you reading?”

He held up the book, showing me the cover. “Knowledge about the mysteries of the ocean.”, I read out loud, furrowing my eyebrows at the title. What an odd book, I have never heard about that. “What mysteries are listed in the book?”

“Oh, just some fisher men tales. Mermaids, kraken, leviathan, sirens. All those tales which warn everyone on ships about the dangers of the sea.”

“Sirens? I have never heard of them. What are they?” My father turned his book around, showing me the page, he was just reading. On it was a drawn picture of what looked to be a half bird, half fish creature. My stomach started to turn, the longer I looked at it, frightened by its appearance.

“This book says that sirens are mythical creatures, half bird, half fish. Through their angelic singing they lure in fishermen to kill them. It is said that their voice lures them in, but their face is what makes the fishermen stay.”

“Their face?”, I asked, not believing that for a second.

“They put you in a trance with their voice and make you see whoever you most desire. They are insidious, malicious creatures, feared by everyone who ever entered the ocean. They are dangerous, Y/n.” He looked me in the eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t. As if he wanted to tell me more with the last sentence.

“Do you really believe they exist? To me that just sounds like fishermen making up excuses as to why they didn’t bring any fish home.”

My father let out a long sigh, head shaking. He turned the book back to him and stared at the picture for a few more seconds, before closing the book again. “You could be right, Y/n. I mean you have always been the realistic one in this family. But as long as there is no proof that they don’t exist, I will have to believe those tales. It’s better to believe and find out they don’t exist, than to not believe and find out they do exist.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about his words after I left his office. They kept spinning around my head, swirling and clashing against other thoughts. And they were connecting. My thoughts were connecting together, and suddenly there was only one thought left. One person in my mind, and not for the reasons he had been in my mind for the past few days.

But I didn’t want to admit that. Not even to myself. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t true. Those useless tales were nothing but fiction, made up stories to save the fishermen from embarrassment and disappointment. Nothing more and nothing less.

Because I knew Haechan. I knew he wasn’t capable of something like that. He wasn’t a creature designed to prey on innocent people. Or was he?

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the familiar melody, as I felt it sink deep under my skin and erase everything inside of me. I loved the pain it inflicted on my heart, the way the melody ripped me apart into a million pieces. I loved how for the first few seconds everything stopped being important to me. Breathing, feeling, living. Nothing felt important for a few seconds. Nothing but him.

Haechan leant against the rail of the ship, hands in his trousers and a smirk on his lips. It almost felt like a déjà-vu. I remembered how I felt when I first saw him. Feelings that were once so innocent and unfamiliar are now unconditional and fierce. “My pretty girl.”, he whispered, and I felt the weight on my shoulders lift. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?”, I asked, taking a few steps closer to him. I was craving his closeness, his touch. I needed him to touch me, anywhere. I didn’t mind where.

“Ready to come with me.” My head was clouded, brainwashed by his beautiful voice. But wasn’t that exactly what my father told me, what he warned me about. “I can see your doubt in me, sweetheart. What is it that is plaguing your beautiful mind?”

“Do you plan on killing me?” I don’t know why I asked him that question. I don’t know how I got the strength to break out of the haze, even just a little bit.

“Killing you? Why would I kill you?” His eyes darkened and I could see his body language changing. I could see all of him changing. Haechan let out a chuckle before walking into my direction, stopping when he was right behind me. Brushing my hair back, never once touching me, as he leant down to whisper into my ear.

“I really wanted to kill you at first, my sweet girl. I wanted nothing else but to rip you apart.” My body shut down, letting me fall weakly to my knees just like the day before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than five seconds. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, yet again and placed his hand on my cheek. Finally, I could feel him. I could feel the one thing I craved most, his touch. But it didn’t feel how I imagined it to. Instead of lifting me up and making me basked in comfort, it made me flinch. His touch made me want to never see the light of day ever again. “But how could I kill such a beautiful thing? You are my precious girl, aren’t you? So sweet and special.”

I wanted to run, get away from him. I wanted to do anything but to stay with him, but my body didn’t let me. My body stayed down on the ground, heavy and useless. “Does it hurt, love? Does my touch and my words hurt you?” He didn’t need an answer because he knew. He knew how every bone in my body felt like it was on fire as soon as he muttered those words. He knew all I wanted was to make this growing pain stop. “Just come with me. I will make the pain stop.”

When I looked up at him, I saw only a glimpse of him. His skin was pale blue, scales all over it, and his teeth were sharp and long. This wasn’t the boy I met a few nights ago, the boy who made me feel like I was floating on the clouds and the boy who gave me a reason to live. This was a creature, a monster. A siren.

“Go away.”, I croaked out with the last strength I had left in my body.

“Oh no, you poor thing. Don’t be like that.” Not even his voice sounded like the sweet melody I once heard. It didn’t give me sweet pleasure anymore, it only gave me pain. “You love me, or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten all the feelings I inflicted on you? Have you forgotten how good you felt when you were with me? I can make that come back. You just have to come with me.”

“Go to hell.” I didn’t know that this simple sentence could mean the end of my life because the next thing I felt was a sharpness going through my body. And I knew this would be it. This would be the last few seconds before I was gone.

“Y/n!”, I heard someone shout, loud and piercing. I opened my eyes, only to have my vision be blurry. I tried to move, look who that voice belonged to and if I was imagining it again. “Go away and never come back, or I will have you killed and each and everyone of you creatures on this planet.”

I took a hurtful breath and it felt as if my lungs were filled with broken pieces of glass. My eyes tried to stay open, but I didn’t have the strength. “No, Y/n. Stay awake. Please don’t leave me.”

Whiteness surrounded me, filling me up and taking me in. Silence. I heard nothing more than silence. I tried looking around, kicking and fighting as I was trapped in nothing but endless vastness. Far away from me I could see something, or someone waiting for me. I tried to walk towards it, reaching my arms out to grab it, but I never came close.

“It’s not your time yet, Y/n.” And before I could question those words, my eyes opened.

It took me a few seconds to regain my vision, seeing the familiar walls of my room. As I remembered just what had happened, I felt panic filling my body, my breaths coming out faster than normal and my mind spiraling in wild circles.

“It’s okay, Y/n.”, I heard the voice of my father first before I felt his arms around my body, pulling me tightly into him. “Your safe. Nothing can hurt you anymore.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. I felt like a little kid again, crying in the arms of my father after having a bad dream. Just that this wasn’t a dream. This is reality.  

“It’s okay. We are on our way back home. That creature will never find you again, we made sure of that, okay?” My father held me with so much delicacy, fearing he might break me. “You’re safe. I won’t let anyone, or anything hurt you again.”

And I believed him. There in the arms of my father I believed his words. So, I closed my eyes, let the sleep consume me and hoped that this promise would be one he could keep.

September 10th, 1878

Day 64 on sea

I let the salt air take away all the scars of the past weeks as I watched the soft waves flow under the setting sun. This was the first time in eight days that I had the courage to leave my room. I couldn’t face the place where everything happened. The place where I almost lost myself.

I closed my eyes and imagined the soft grass under my toes, the chirping birds in my ear and the blinding sunlight in my eyes. I imagined biting into a sweet apple, feeling the fresh morning air on my skin and smiling at the veracity of the moment.

“Daydreaming again?”, I heard a voice in front of me, making an actual smile appear on my lips. A smile I haven’t let myself show in a long time.

“What brings you out here? Shouldn’t you be in your bed, sleeping like everyone else is?” Jisung just shrugged his shoulders, his hair softly swaying in the wind.

He showed me a sweet smile, sitting down beside me and taking one of my hands in his. “I am not going to ask you how are doing, since everyone else does that every day.” I nodded at him, grateful for not hearing the repeating question out of his mouth as well. “But I am going to ask you if you still feel the withdrawal, you told me about.”

My eyes filled with tears again and I tried my best to swallow them down. “Yes.”, I mumbled, looking down, too ashamed to let him see me this way. To let him see me so weak and pathetic. “Yes, I still feel it, every day. I long for him, and I know it isn’t right. He isn’t who he showed me to be. I know I was blinded by a trance. I was blinded by need. I know what I am feeling isn’t right and that he wasn’t right. But for a few seconds, for a few seconds every day, it felt real. For a few seconds every day I could just be. I could be me. I could forget the pain and my thoughts, and I could breathe.”

Jisung just nodded his head, not letting go of my hand, but he didn’t say a word. I appreciated that. I appreciated the quietness of him. Because as opposed to the others, he didn’t lecture me on my feelings. He didn’t tell me how it is wrong to feel the way I do and how I should have seen all this coming. He didn’t try to tell me how to move past this, or how to continue living my life. Jisung just stayed silent.

“Why are you awake?”, I asked him after a few moments, breaking the silence he gifted me.

“I couldn’t sleep. And the last time I told you about my sleeping problems, you told me you could tell me a story, like my mother did. A bedtime story to make me fall asleep.” I let the tears that still lingered in my eyes roll down my cold cheeks, as I nodded my head. “Will you tell me one?”

“Yes. Yes, of course. I will tell you any story you want.”

And so, I did.

I told everyone my story.

Bonus

“What took you so long?”

Haechan swam into the cave, brushing past everyone that was looking at him with expecting eyes. He ignored them all and just kept swimming.

“Answer my question.”, Jeno spoke louder this time, but Haechan just kept swimming. He didn’t care that everyone was waiting for him, waiting for him to fulfill his promise, to fulfill all the promises he had made for the past weeks.

“We had a fight.”, he told Jeno with a shrug of his shoulders, nonchalant about the other one’s questions. Haechan could see the disappointment and anger in the faces of everyone in the cave, and he couldn’t care less. He knew what he was doing was right. He knew it was necessary to go through all these lengths to get what he wanted, what everyone wanted.

“A fight?”, his friend repeated, skeptic lingering in his voice. “This isn’t a game, Haechan. We put our trust and time in your hands. How long until this plan of yours backfires? How long until they notice that their ship hasn’t been moving in days? How long until they discover us and put an end us?”

“Jeno.”, Haechan’s eyes piercing into the older boy, voice clearly stating a warning. “Have you lost all your trust in me? I know what I am doing.”

“Are you?” Everyone was looking at the two, anticipating the outcome of this long-awaited conversation. “You were the one promising us you were going to get us this girl. You were the one convincing us how much you were craving her and how much we should as well. And we have given you time, but all you do is play around. This isn’t a game, Haechan. This will determine our lives. Without her, we will not survive, and you are very well aware of that.”

“This is where you are wrong, my dear friend.” Haechan turned his body, facing all the sirens watching him. “This is a game, and I am the leader of it. This girl we are talking about is different from everyone we have ever had. This one is special. She isn’t easily fooled by my tricks, by my voice. She has a smart mind, that one.” A wide grin appeared on the siren’s lips, making him almost look crazy, and his eyes narrowed on his friend yet again. “This one will bring us everything we have ever dreamt of. And it will work. The game I am playing, the fight we were having today, it will all work in the end.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” The question lingered in the quiet of the cave, the eyes of everyone looking at Haechan, faith and trust all in his hands.

“Because it is all going according to plan.”, he announced, voice thick with pride and confidence. “It is all going according to my plan.”

[heyiwrotesomethings]

hoi! how are you?? can you do tamayo with a big, strong sweetheart who specializes in blacksmithing? or just making swords for demon slayers? they would train everyday, but give her lots of loves and kisses? they'll take her out for dinner or just do something really sweet for her (since she deserves the whole world 🥺) they/them nouns please!

and thank you! you're amazing!!

Tungsten 

Tamayo x They/Them Reader

A/N: Do y’all ever think the masks the swordsmiths wear would do more harm than good? They stand out a lot for people who are supposed to stay lowkey. I could think of a few reasons why they would wear them in the village, but when their out delivering swords I would be worried. Anyway, that’s why I had the smith leave the village w/o their mask on if anyone wonders as they read 🤷‍♀️. Hope you enjoy! Word Count: 1,088

A lot of aspects surrounding (Y/n)’s way of life were a secret. Their village, their job, their face… all concealed. But that was just the reality of every swordsmith that had given their service to the demon slayers. However, there was an even bigger secret (Y/n) held that had the potential to jeopardize everything that they had built if any of their fellow smiths or the demon slayers found out.

“Heading out of the village again, (Y/n)? If you weren’t so diligent with your work, I’d have half the mind to scold you.” Tecchin chuckled. “Have you met a special someone in the city?”

“Truthfully, yes,” (Y/n) beamed beneath their mask, “yes, I have.”

“Lucky kid,” Tecchin teased, “Just be careful, for your sake and theirs.”

“I will. I’ll return in a few days.”

“As long as the quality of your work continues and things are done on time, you can go whenever you want. Safe travels.”

(Y/n) bowed to the elder in reverence, then made their exit. They always felt a little guilty over the identity of their sweetheart, but knowing who their lover was and what she stood for, they didn’t lose too much sleep over it.

They looked over their travel bag once more, making sure their special side project was among the belongings. Then they stowed away their mask and and left the village, the smell of sulphur fell away and the sound of metal tinkering slowly morphed into to bird songs and the swaying of leaves on the breeze. Then as night fell, they were greeted with the glow of the big city, the sound of automobiles and carriages rolling along the gravel.

Along the way, (Y/n) found a familiar fuzzy face and smiled, crouching to the ground to greet the cat who approached them with a happy, ‘mrrp!’.

“Good evening, Chachamaru. Will you be my guide tonight?”

The cat brushed against their leg, going a little ways down a quiet path before turning around to wait for the swordsmith. (Y/n) followed after Chachamaru and did not startle when the cat suddenly vanished after reaching a certain point. They continued on, following the cat through the barrier, gazing up at the lovely house that had suddenly appeared.

The front door slid open and (Y/n)’s smile grew as a woman stepped out to greet them. They wasted no time bounding up to her and lifting her into their strong arms, relishing in the surprised gasp and soft laughter that followed.

“Tamayo, love of my life, I missed you so much! Have you been well?” (Y/n) asked between several kisses.

“Yes, I’ve been just fine, thank you,” she chuckled, attempting to dodge the onslaught of affection now, “I missed you too, but (Y/n), please, show mercy.”

“Ah, is Yushirou around?” (Y/n) looked around a bit warily. They had tried to get on the other demon’s good side, but given that they were Tamayo’s partner, it was an impossible task.

“No, I gave him a few errands to keep him busy for a couple hours at least. I would just like to make it inside the house before being so… openly affectionate.” She softly replied.

“Oh?” (Y/n) gave Tamayo a mischievous look, putting a bit more pressure in their hold, “but Yushirou put up this special barrier so one can see us, isn’t that right?”

“(Y/n)…” Tamayo warned, a pretty blush crawling over her pale cheeks.

“I’m only teasing, my love. Let’s go inside, I made something for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Tamayo looked just a bit concerned, “You have a very important job, I hope you aren’t sacrificing yourself to try to appease me. You know just having your company for these few days every month is all the gift I need.”

“You are so sweet,” (Y/n) kissed Tamayo’s forehead, “and that’s why I like to make you things, because you’re so sweet I want to give you the best I can offer. Come on, I can’t wait to show you!”

Tamayo didn’t have to worry about following (Y/n) in, (Y/n) carried her in and set her gently on the ground once they were inside Tamayo’s room, decorated with artfully crafted metal works that had been made by the smith that stood before her.

“Close your eyes.” (Y/n) asked.

Tamayo smiled warmly at the excited twinkle in their eyes, then did as she was asked. She felt familiar rough hands cup her own, slipping a cool piece of metal into her open palms before closing her hands around it. The hands pulled away and she mourned the loss for only a moment before (Y/n) whispered,

“Alright, take a look.”

Tamayo opened her eyes and slowly peeled her hands back, then quietly gasped in awe and the small, yet intricately crafted patterned tungsten ring with a pretty gem encased within. Unsurprisingly, it for her finger perfectly when she slipped it on.

“It’s beautiful, dear. I love it.” She said, with as much sincerity as she could muster. Though the tears welling up in her eyes left no need for trying to convince.

“I’m glad you think so. I made another to match!” They flashed a ring of their own that Tamayo hadn’t had a moment to process until now, noting the complimentary design of (Y/n)’s ring and the shiny Ruby gem embedded within.

“I made them so you would have my birthstone and I would have yours. So we’ll always be carrying a little piece of each other. What do you think?”

Tamayo put her hands over her mouth, unable to get anymore words out, but she did come forward to rest her head against (Y/n)’s chest, nodding appreciatively. Her heart soared when their arms wrapped around her as they always did and she melted further when they softly kissed the top of her head before resting their head atop hers.

Tamayo hadn’t dared to dream she would find peace like this ever again, but now that she had it, she would be damned if she’d let it go. She enjoyed her allotted time with (Y/n), spending every moment she could with them before they had to go back to their village. She was sad to see them go, she always was, but they would be back. In the meantime, she would continue her own part in this war and continue her research. Now with that added weight upon her ring finger, she would hold it close to her chest and look up to the moon as she counted the nights until her smith’s return.

[miniscrew-anon]

Like and Subscribe? Yeah, Dark thinks he will

(Is this the worst title I’ve ever made? Yes.) Twark snippet 🖤💚

——-

The lowrider with the constantly changing plates was back. Dark wasn’t sure when the car had reappeared in its usual spot but he made his move the moment he’d noticed it. He’d already wasted enough time and he was not willing to wait another minute. So at eight in the morning on a Sunday, he pounded on his neighbors door, expression already appropriately mirthful.

“Wakey wakey!” He sung at the door, “I need to talk to you! So get up and come to the door, asshole!”

After nearly a full minute of knocking like an overeager policeman the click of a lock stopped Dark. With his hand still in the air the door swung inward, revealing a figure cloaked in the darkness of his own apartment.

“Mmmnnn?”

Shadows' frame leaned heavily on his own door, hair a ruffled mess of a birdnest. He was half dressed in pajamas, as if he’d just given up halfway and thrown himself into bed with his jeans and socks still on. His eyes, unprotected by his usual shades, are shut against the bright fluorescents of the hallway. It’s a very inefficient and potentially dangerous way to answer a door.

But convenient if you’re Dark. “Oh good! You’re half asleep. This makes it much easier!”

Dark slipped into the apartment through the gap, patting Shadow on the back lightly as he passed. “Thanks for inviting me in, buddy. I just gotta borrow something. I’ll pay you back later, ‘kay?”

Shadow shuts the door and the apartment goes dark. He makes some unintelligible noises and shuffles back to his bedroom, face planting back into his bedsheets. He goes still, breathing evening out in sleep.

Dark smiles. He’ll take that as permission.

Dark gleefully swipes the wallet from the kitchen counter and makes his escape, waving over his shoulder at his unconscious friend. “Thanks a million, pal!”

The door shuts and Dark retreats to his own apartment, smiling at all his new credit cards.

—---

Dark scrolled through the camera roll. He traced the curves and contours of the nude body on his screen, biting his lip in appreciation. The way the photos were taken invoked an almost bashful aura, the mans face always obscured or turned away. Inexperienced with showing off his impressive body, the man still managed to capture a surprising amount of masculinity and power in the way he flexed and stretched.

Also, holy shit - that ass. Premium membership was so, so fucking worth it.

Dark grinned as he scrolled onto a picture that showed off Twi’s impressive backside. Yup, that’s going on his home screen.

Someone pounded on his door.

“Hey asshole! I know you're in there! Gimme back my wallet!”

“Well, look who’s up.” Dark crows. He saves the picture and snatches up the leather wallet from his bedside. He opens his front door only to be met by an angry punch to his shoulder. If Shadow was any bigger than an average pre-pubescent teen it might have even hurt.

Dark grins down at his friend. “Is that any way to greet a friend?”

Shadow snatches his wallet from Dark’s pants, quick as a whip. “You better not have spent all my money, dickhead.”

“Oh no,” Dark cries mundanely, rolling his eyes. “Goddess forbid I max out Kingsley Max’s credit card. I didn’t know you changed your name.”

Shadow pushes past the bigger man. “It’s the principle of things.”

“You don’t have any principles.”

“Shut up.” Shadow said. He tucked his wallet back into his pocket after checking the contents to make sure everything was in there. “Why the hell did you even need my card? You have your own. Did you lose it all in your liver or something?”

“Nah. I just needed to be untraceable.” Dark shrugs. He walks to the kitchen and takes out a beer. He offers on to Shadow, who takes his peace offering.

Shadow tilts his head so his shades dip low enough to make eye contact with Dark. “You doing something shady?”

“Maybe.”

“Good. I’d hate to lose money on something lame.”

—-

Dark wants to {CENSORED} Twilight so bad it makes him look stupid.

[castlebyersafterdark]

i really love your realisticness about what we could actually get in s5 when it comes to byler spice. lover's lake is a perfect set up, and i agree that peak romance being needed. although the reason i've always been in the spicy camp is because, to me, the more we see, the less explicit/dirty/spicy/lewd it will be?

cutting to black like jancy is too... dismissive, almost. it implies that the couple has found peace and simply needs to do the deed, and that the sex quality didnt matter, only that they did it. but surely the conflict for mike and will IS the question of hiccups and doubts even during? Can we, should we, do this? i think that what we DO need to see IS the fumbling, IS the constant glances at each other to make sure it's ok, IS the hand grabbing another hand and tentatively guiding it down to the crotch, probably over clothes, etc! i want to see their relationship literally transform before my eyes. and i think we need to see that hesitation and fear mixed with excitement in their eyes even during the act, that inexplicable oxymoron that is first desire and losing your virginity.

the first shadow REALLY plays up the idea of desire and intense emotion making electricity and lights go haywire, and it was sometimes done tongue in cheek as an obvious sex joke (the whole theatre laughed). its sooooo duffers to use this for will and mike. what better metaphor than the whole hawkins power grid sparking out because mike made will come so hard he literally BLACKED OUT?? and it doesnt need to be kinky or lewd! it could be over for will in 10 seconds as soon as mike touches him, but that doesnt make it less intense or hot - but the important thing is that will came because of the emotional intensity of them having sex, not just the physical sensation. i think this is the difference between gratuitous and meaningful movie sex.

and then the actual climax (lol) of that emotional arc will be their peace and contentment AFTER its done, so we also need to see the post-sex scene. you mentioned shy smiles and doing up a belt, but i think they deserve a whole night together. i would love love love to see them waking up together, maybe even accidentally thwarting a mission somewhat because they left their walkie talkies in another room? idk. something that ties it into the plot well.

a quick fumble can be sexy but i don't think byler need that - it keeps them too in the friends category, and the audience needs to know for sure that their relationship has transformed into something else and can never go back. THIS is a coming of age arc. their first time can't resemble a one night stand in any way. i also think will wouldn't be able to emotionally cope with sleeping with mike in a barn in the afternoon and then just going back about his day. i think he would need at least one business day and night to process it lol. will's sleep quality has also been a big theme of the show - imagine if he sleeps with mike and wakes up in his arms the next morning having slept soundly for the first time since he was 12???? literal perfection.

I AGREE WITH ALL OF THIS - I tried to be realistic in my assessment/predictions but I guess I'm just trying to set the bar low to either be happy with what we get or surprised if it exceeds expectations. But this ship deserves the world. They deserve care and peak romance and softness and it to be the moment. Truly, there is so much more going on in the show but I really do believe that byler is the heart of the show, a major turning point and overarching theme so I do hold out the hope that they get something really beautiful. What a waste, if not?

I compare to the 2 sex scenes we've gotten because that's the only frame of reference for that sort of romance we've really seen - but in actuality, yeah, it doesn't really make sense for a repeat or an homage. They'd get their own moment. Gosh, you've described some wonderful direction and context and potential imagery for the scene. I especially love "will's sleep quality has also been a big theme of the show - imagine if he sleeps with mike and wakes up in his arms the next morning having slept soundly for the first time since he was 12" LIKE??? Oh that's fantastic. Your brain. My heart ahhh. Wouldn't that just be the loveliest? How indicative of their relationship as a whole, and one of the classic pillars of romance - "find someone with whom you can rest." Ahh. That's what they are to each other, aren't they? Mike - running from himself, from society, from guilt, from his feelings, from danger. Will - plagued by nightmares, and hate, always looking over his shoulder for monsters and humans alike. Have them express their love not just emotionally, but physically, but then let them rest. With each other.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

part of canon you found tedious or boring

part of canon you think is overhyped

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

The Company of Light. I don't know what else you want me to say. I think I made that clear already. Really, I don't think I could give a different answer because they just deserve so much better.

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

The Pyros arc. I see what they were trying to do but this was not the way. Not to mention the fact that while Bloom is away the rest of the story seems to come to a grinding halt. Love to see the implication that the others are useless without Bloom take root all the way back into season 3.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

Season 3. The amount of people saying that season 3 is the best season in terms of writing and structure is starting to get on my nerves. Season 3 has problems. Valtor starts off strong as a villain but his stage presence so to say diminishes incredibly over the season. By the end of it he's almost too pathetic to stand and his plan is just... what exactly? He steals so much magic and we don't really see him use any of it towards the goal of becoming the most powerful wizard. Like, what does being the most powerful wizard even look like? 'Cause he's getting his ass kicked by a bunch of teenagers and most of the dimension seems to go on completely unbothered by his existence. The plan of weakening Bloom through Sky goes nowhere. It's over before it can even begin and if Bloom had a single brain cell she would have figured out Sky was spelled immediately. It was so obvious that it makes me seethe every time. Episodes 8 and 9 are certainly some of the worst from the entire show. The storyline with Chimera and Cassandra loses traction halfway through and disappears for 10 solid episodes. We're not even talking about episode 20. Enchantix has problems as well. The Company of Light backstory - while literally one of my favorite things on the show - creates several plot holes and was obviously not planned from the beginning. Not to mention that they hardly get to do anything, which just doesn't make sense. The connection between Bloom and Valtor works at random only when it's convenient for the plot. The whole thing is much worse than people seem to realize. And okay, I have nostalgia for it too. But I think the fandom worships season 3 way too much.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Bloom.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

The pixies/pets/selkies/fairy animals/lumens being annoying. Look, I get the problems with capitalism and wasting screen time that are in the core of this problem but, honestly, just like everything else the animal companions (umbrella term including all of these I listed) had potential. The pixies proved that in season 2 even if they were underutilized since way back then. The same could have been done with all of the other companions introduced. They just didn't care about it. But I am really sick of hearing about this when there are much worse problems with the whole show. Also, if I hear someone else saying that Kiko should be dead by now, it's on sight.

[anotheranomalyy]

Collection of the Most Personally Heart-Breaking Taylor Lyrics

“Tell me when did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk? When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?” - Happiness 

“They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad; I have a lot of regrets about that. I was so ahead of the curve that the curve became a sphere, fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here, pouring my heart out to a stranger.” - This is me trying 

“But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs. The smell of smoke would hang around this long, ‘cause I knew everything when I was young.” - Cardigan 

“You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.” - The 1 

“How evergreen our group of friends. Don’t think we’ll say that word again and soon they’ll have the nerve to deck the halls that we once walked through.” - Champagne Problems 

“And the heart I know I’m breaking is my own; to leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known.” - ‘Tis the Damn Season

“I know they said the end is near, but I’m still on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love, shining just for you.” - Mirrorball 

“I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace, ‘cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave.” - My Tears Ricochet

“We could be the way forward and I know I’ll pay for it... now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon, with your boots beneath my bed, forever is the sweetest con.” - Cowboy like Me

“And you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself a million little times.” - Illicit Affairs 

“How long will it be cute, all this crying in my room, when I can’t blame it on my youth?” - Nothing New 

“And you call me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest.” - All Too Well 

“Our coming-of-age has come and gone... but I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean-wave blues come. All these people think love’s for show but I’d die for you in secret... would it  be enough if I could never give you peace?” - Peace 

“I guess we all get some kind of haunted.” - Midnight Rain 

“God rest my soul. I miss who I used to be, the tomb won’t close. Stained-glass windows in my mind, I regret you all the time. I can’t let this go, I fight with you in my sleep, the wound won’t close. I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time.” - Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve  

“I gave you all my best me’s, my endless empathy and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier. Fighting in only your army; Frontlines, don’t you ignore me. I’m the best thing at this party. And I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her.” - You’re Losing Me

[alexan-fr]

i am glad and proud that i will never relate to any of these 'first love', 'still love my ex', or 'almost but never' theories. isa ako sa mga katunayan that these bullshits are not true.

one of the things i like about me is i can easily move on from something and someone. at first, of course, i will lose my mind about it— i would cry my heart out, starve myself to death, isolate myself, cut my hair short, disappear, drown myself with my thoughts, focus on my studies and hobbies, and will not communicate to anyone. that's how i cope, that's how i survive a heartbreak.

we all have our own coping mechanism. some people block their exes, some drink and party at the bar, some hit the gym, and THAT'S TOTALLY FINE AND VALID. it must be respected.

i let it hurt until it hurts no more— i accept. give me at least days or weeks to mourn, but it will never take me years to move on. and when that right time comes, there's no way i'm returning. once it's over, i'm never going back. you will never see me long and wish for a second chance.

i also make sure to contemplate and look back at my past mistakes, what i did wrong to my past partner, and will definitely remove them from my whole being and change them with all my strength kahit sobrang hirap. that's how i am addicted to self-improvement and growth. i want to be better and stronger for myself, my family, friends, and my next partner.

yes, i may have thought about my past relationships from time to time, but i can no longer feel the love and affection towards them. yung hindi ka na napapatanong ng 'what ifs' at hindi ka na rin nasasaktan. parang wala na lang— and it's one of the most peaceful moments ever.

i don't care if there's already a first, second, or whatever love in my life. i'll make sure that i no longer have feelings for my last partner and that i've already moved on from our past relationship before i start dating again.

i could never hurt the person i love right now like that and i will give him my WHOLE heart and attention. i'd rather not date at all if ever i still have feelings for my ex than deceive him. be fair to yourself as well, be freed from the past.

why would you risk your current bf/gf who could be your potential lifetime partner just because you still love your ex? he's/she's in the past for a reason. MOVE FORWARD! please, there's nothing you could do about it. he/she doesn't love you and even care about you anymore.

easier said than done? HELL, NO! the time will come when you'll get so exhausted of thinking and waiting for them to come back, and nothing will happen. save your time, tears, and effort, and stop wasting them. he's/she's not worthy and is not deserving of any of those from you. if he/she wanted you to be part of his/her life again, sana matagal na niyang ginawa.

kaya build yourself up and focus on your own growth and happiness. invest your energy in things and people that truly value and appreciate you. in the end, you'll realize that you deserve someone who shows up for you without hesitation, not someone you have to wait around for. and vice versa, your current partner deserves all your love and time without making them doubt or question your feelings towards them.

love yourself enough to walk away from what doesn't serve you and open yourself to better opportunities and relationships ♡

xoxo

ps. good morning? i couldn't sleep. it's supposed to be our major exam today pero thank God walang pasok. mas inuna kong makipag date kaysa mag review sksksks

[kia-is-poisoned]

KIA RAMBLES WHOOOOO, INCLUDES VENT LOL jfkfudgdf WARNING: MOOD SWINGS (I THINK) check tags before just in case???

Man, you know, I certainly picked this life because of writing. I just love thinking of my stories. Yapping and rambling about them with that one girl, Posting my rambles on my Instagram stories like:

THAN THOSE ARE MY THREE FRIENDS, I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THEM (THO I BARELY EVER COMMUNICATE WITH THE CAT PHOTO ONE) I HAVE MORE FRIENDS. I EVEN SOMEHOW MANAGED TO BE FRIENDS WITH A BOY THAT I HAD A FRIEND CRUSH ON. And I am the ‘shy kid’ in class so that’s shocking. (I am not the shy kid, I just stay in my lane. I do presentations well)

Like no one expect the one in the middle has any idea on what in the dictionary of womanary am I talking about (Making my own words because I am too lazy)

I love this. I love talking about writing. I love being proud of my writing. I love being insecure of it because at least I feel some emotions hah- It boosts up my ego too.

Like do you ever write something so good you are like- Oh my…. I think I just… created an Ao3 level piece of art.

I was sulking, on the verge of depression. Couldn’t show an inch of emotion to my mother who had let me eat my favourite lunch meal (I really don’t allow myself to get attach to her because I don’t wanna be hurt again and again but I feel like such a bad person. So I sometimes utter ‘I love you’ when I don’t mean it, and for some reason in makes me want to pull my heart out of my chest.) Even though I am not supposed to eat anything unhealthy because I just recovered from Typhoid and my body has extremely low blood.

Writing makes me alive. Alive. Alive. It distracts me. Takes me away from this life, reading other stories isn’t exactly the same. I usually can’t keep up, I feel anxious. Reading makes me realise I am wasting time and could be doing something much much more productive. Finals are in 1 month and 5 days and I studied nothing. It’s draining me. I should go and do it, but… ugh I can’t explain it’s irritating. Father says a lot of things. He would say I don’t have Control over my own life in a spooky scary way that will traumatise me for the rest of my life. He would say something about my health, he recently said that I had a mentality of a six year old; he will say how I am not controlling my mind. And stuff like that. Believe in yourself, that I very well do. It’s much worse that way actually, because you know how much potential you have, yet you are wasting it.

I am tired, I don’t have time. My room is cleaned, yet I feel empty. I am so so tired yet I do nothing. I am too write. I am lazy I suppose. I should be studying. None of the tricks and tips I leaned from online works. I need energy. Something. Actually no, I am too tired to even handle anything. Maybe I should sleep, but I am not sleepy, and sleeping will mess me up more because of the guilt for losing time. How ironic, as if I won’t be wasting my time on reels or sth.

[quantumaicatrading]

How To Make 1 Million CAD Online with Quantum AI

https://quantumcodeai.ca/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/How-To-Make-1-Million-CAD-Online-with-Quantum-AI-1.jpg

Think of it like having a tireless financial assistant. Quantum AI analyzes massive amounts of market data, spots trends you might miss, and can make trades way faster than any human. This means more opportunities and less stress!

Don't worry, you don't need to be a tech genius or a trading expert to get started. Quantum AI trading can empower anyone who's ready to take their finances seriously. Of course, there's no magic "get rich quick" button, but this could be your path to a smarter investment strategy.

In this guide, we'll break down Quantum AI in simple terms. You'll learn how it works, the potential benefits, and the steps to start your own Quantum AI journey. Let's make those financial dreams a reality!

Table

What is Quantum AI?

Is Making 1 Million CAD with Quantum AI Realistic?

Understanding the Risks of AI Trading

How to Get Started with Quantum AI

Advanced Quantum AI Strategies

Essential Tips for Successful Quantum Trading

Official Resources for Quantum AI in Canada

Conclusion

FAQ

Q: Do I need to be a tech genius to use Quantum AI?

Q: How much money do I need to get started with Quantum AI?

Q: Can I really get rich with Quantum AI?

Q: Is Quantum AI legal in Canada?

Q: Can Quantum AI replace a human financial advisor?

Q: Can I start Quantum AI with no experience?

Q: How much money can I realistically expect to make with Quantum AI Canada?

What is Quantum AI?

Here's the thing: you don't have to hire that team or become a coding whiz. Quantum AI do the heavy lifting, letting you focus on the big picture. Whether you're a seasoned investor or just starting out, Quantum AI can help level the playing field.

Think of it like this: instead of navigating a complicated financial landscape with a paper map, Quantum AI hands you a cutting-edge GPS that updates in real-time, showing you potential shortcuts and hidden opportunities.

Is Making 1 Million CAD with Quantum AI Realistic?

Let's be real: making a million bucks takes time and effort, no matter what tools you use. But Quantum AI can definitely tilt the odds in your favor. Here's why:

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Learning from the Past: Quantum AI can study massive amounts of historical data to help spot potential trends and avoid common pitfalls.

Understanding the Risks of AI Trading

Even the smartest AI isn't foolproof. It's crucial to go into this with your eyes wide open. Here's what you need to know:

Markets are Wild: Prices can swing unexpectedly, no matter how much data you analyze. There is always the chance of losses.

Even Robots Make Mistakes: AI relies on algorithms and they can have glitches. This is why it's important to monitor your AI trading and not just "set it and forget it".

Play with Money You Can Afford to Lose: This golden rule of investing applies here too. Responsible trading is key.

Key Takeaway: it’s important to remember that they have limited spot to join. So, Don't waste your time! Start changing your life today right now 🧑‍💻

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How to Get Started with Quantum AI

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Step 3: Pick The Trade: They will guide you A-Z even a person who knows nothing about online can also do the job perfectly. Pick the trades Quantum AI recommends (with the power of Quantum Computing!) And Wait for the Profit counting moment!

Step 4: Withdraw: Withdraw any funds in matter of hours!

Important Note: it’s important to remember that they have limited spot to join. So, Don't waste your time! Start changing your life today right now 🧑‍💻

Advanced Quantum AI Strategies

As you get comfy with Quantum AI, it's time to level up! Here are some powerful techniques AI makes possible:

Technical Analysis: AI crunches charts and historical data to find patterns that humans might not see. Think of it like a supercharged treasure map for the markets!

Sentiment Analysis: Imagine AI scanning the news, social media, and even movie reviews to figure out how the "crowd" is feeling about a company or sector. This can help you predict price movements.

Machine Learning: The coolest part of Quantum AI is that it gets smarter over time. It can learn from its own trading, making adjustments and improving your results with experience.

Essential Tips for Successful Quantum Trading

Never Stop Learning: Markets change, and so does AI tech. Read articles, take courses, and stay plugged into the investing community to keep your edge.

Manage Your Risk: Even with AI, smart investing means setting limits and protecting yourself from big losses.

Stay in Control: Quantum AI is amazing, but your intuition matters too. Don't be afraid to override decisions that don't feel right.

Don't Panic: Market dips happen. Quantum AI trading works best as a long-term strategy, so don't get thrown off by short-term bumps in the road.

https://quantumcodeai.ca/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/How-To-Make-1-Million-CAD-Online-with-Quantum-AI-3.jpg

Official Resources for Quantum AI in Canada

Don't go it alone! Canada has great resources to help you navigate the world of Quantum AI.

CLICK HERE TO ACCESS THE QUANTUM AI OFFICIAL WEBSITE

Important Note: it’s important to remember that they have limited spot to join. So, Don't waste your time! Start changing your life today right now 🧑‍💻

Conclusion

So, can you make a million CAD with Quantum AI? The answer is absolutely... YES! Success is guaranteed, and Quantum AI offers a powerful set of tools to boost your investment strategy. It's about making informed decisions, embracing the journey of learning, and having the patience to let those gains build over time.

Think back to that beach walk we imagined at the beginning. Quantum AI could be one path towards that feeling of limitless possibility. It takes hard work, and there's a substitute for knowledge, and the potential rewards make the effort worthwhile!

FAQ

Q: Do I need to be a tech genius to use Quantum AI?

A: Absolutely not! Quantum AI are designed to be user-friendly, even if you don't have much experience with computers or investing. You can easily use Quantum Ai.

Q: How much money do I need to get started with Quantum AI?

A: The good news is that Quantum AI trading is becoming more accessible. This platforms allow you to start with relatively small deposits of $250. However, it's always a good idea to start with an amount you're comfortable potentially losing, as there are risks involved.

Q: Can I really get rich with Quantum AI?

A: It's possible. Quantum AI can lead to impressive profits.

Q: Is Quantum AI legal in Canada?

A: Yes, Quantum AI trading itself is legal in Canada. However, it's important to Sign Up only from the official website that are regulated by the appropriate financial authorities.

CLICK HERE TO ACCESS THE QUANTUM AI OFFICIAL WEBSITE

Q: Can Quantum AI replace a human financial advisor?

A: Yes, Quantum Ai can.

Q: Can I start Quantum AI with no experience?

A: Yes. All you can do is invest and withdraw the profit daily.

Q: How much money can I realistically expect to make with Quantum AI Canada?

A: There's no honest answer to this. Maximum traders will see great success, with $250-$500 invest, Normally it could turn into $2500-$5800 in 5 hours or in a day with Quantum Ai.

Sign up, and be one of the exclusive few using this technology (before everyone else gets

If you want to know other articles similar to How To Make 1 Million CAD Online with Quantum AI you can visit the Quantum Ai category.

[psygoth13]

Chronic illness is a bitch.

I don't know what I'm supposed to get out of this. I tell my clients often to journal, but I don't really think about doing it myself. But now may be as good of a time as ever. Does Journaling help when you're feeling alone with people all around you?

I know I'm not alone. I have so many wonderful people in my life, ones who are there for me every day. Then why do I feel so alone sometimes? Why do I just want to sit here and cry? I tell myself over and over that doing so would just be a waste, that I'm just spinning the pity party hamster wheel. Again my own words echo my hypocrisy, telling my clients that emotions need to be felt and that they are valid. It's easy to tell someone else supportive things- but why does it feel so horrible to do it for myself?

I stay up every night, refusing to go to bed, to start another day. Another day means more potential pain, more rot, more decay. I just want to hold on to what I have now. Is that too much to ask?

I just sound like a teenager with raging hormones and a menagerie of angst in all its forms. My body is anything but though, as I lay here and settle with the pain. Maybe the Tylenol PM will kick in soon. What I wouldn't give for a normal night's sleep, something that will never happen unless it is medically induced.

I don't know if anyone is going to read this, honestly if I came across it I would feel hard pressed to read it. Do I want to spend my time reading about someone else's whining? Their petty attempt to garner sympathy? I've had those thoughts about others' writing. And if you say you haven't about this stuff then you're a fuckin liar. We all do it, it's human nature. We categorize and organize and strategize, clawing for supremecy over others. I'm above you, so you are therefore lesser. I am acutely familiar with living that life- to be disabled is to be lesser.

I've felt those eyes on me, judging. The faces saying, why are you here? You're too young to be like this- they're probably faking it- either that or they're real fucked up- I bet it's just for show-

Do you know what it's like to already feel ashamed for having to use a motorized cart at the grocery store and then have a stranger reach over you for an item on the shelf as if you aren't there? Without an excuse me or pardon me? And don't worry, the government reached their hand over me already and said I'm not disabled enough, so no "handouts" for me.

Do you know what it's like to have to have shoulder reconstruction surgery at 14? To fall ill from an autoimmune inflammatory disease starting at 16-17? To have a complete hysterectomy at 24? To be diagnosed with seronegative RA and fibromyalgia along with your Ehlers Danlos Syndrome at 28? To get glaucoma at 30? How about losing your hair because of the vital and necessary meds you have to take? Almost passing out from your body purging without any control at 31?

So here it is. This is supposed to be something that makes me feel better, feel more connected, or at least...fuck I don't even know. I don't expect anyone to listen, but at least its here and not in my head. That's a rant for another day entirely.

[reputayswift]

we never painted by the numbers, baby, but we were making it count; you know the greatest loves of all time are over now?…I knew you, leaving like a father running like water, and when you are young they assume you know nothing—but I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs, the smell of smoke would hang around this long, ‘cause I knew EVERYTHING when I was young, I knew I’d curse you for the longest time (chasing shadows in the grocery line) I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired, and you’d be standing in my front porch light, and I knew you’d come back to me you’d come back to me and you’d come back to me and you’d come back…50 years is a long time Holiday House sat quietly on that beach, free of woman with madness (their men and bad habits) and then it was bought by me ;)…I can see you staring, honey, like he’s just your understudy, like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me, second, third, and hundredth chances (balancing on breaking branches) those eyes add insult to injury…I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace, and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves, you had to kill me (but it killed you just the same) cursing my name, wishing I stayed, you turned into your worst fears, and you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years…and I’m still a believer (but I don’t know why) I’ve never been a natural (all I do is try try try) I’m still on that trapeze, I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me…please picture me in the weeds, before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted…back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough (for me it was enough) to live for the hope of it all—cancel plans just in case you’d call and say, “meet me behind the mall,” so much for summer love (and saying “us”) ‘cause you weren’t mine to lose…they told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad (I have a lot of regrets about that) I was so ahead of the curve the curve became a sphere, fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here…“DON’T CALL ME “KID”! DON’T CALL ME “BABY”! look at this IDIOTIC FOOL that you made me,” you taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else; and you know DAMN WELL for you I would RUIN myself a million little times…time, mystical time, cutting me open then healing me fine, were there clues I didn’t see? and isn’t it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?…the master of spin has a couple side flings (good wives ALWAYS know)—she should be MAD should be SCATHING like me, but no one likes a mad woman…only 20 minutes to sleep but you dream of some epiphany (just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen)…will you have me? will you love me? will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? if you kiss me will it be just like I dreamed it? will it patch your broken wings?…our coming-of-age has come and gone, suddenly this summer it’s clear: I never had the courage of my convictions as long as danger is near (and it’s just around the corner, darling, ‘cause it lives in me, no I could never give you peace), but I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean wave blues come, all these people think love’s for show (but I would die for you in secret)…my best laid plan, your sleight of hand, my barren land I am ash from your fire, stood on the cliffside screaming, “give me a reason, your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in.” don’t want no other shade of blue, but you, no other sadness in the world would do…I want auroras and sad prose, I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet ‘cause I haven’t moved in years, and I want you right here

[sweeterthanthis]

Pairing: Dark!Ransom Drysdale x F!Reader

Summary: When Ransom takes you to the most expensive restaurant in Boston, he's not prepared to go without what he thinks he's owed. Even if you don't want to give it to him.

Warnings: NONCON, sexual violence, heavy knife play, mild blood play, humiliation, vaginal penetration, anal, anal creampie, forced orgasm, 18+.

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: This is very dark. Please take the warnings seriously and scroll on by if it's not your cup of tea. I am not responsible for your media consumption. Thank you so much to @cockslut-padalecki for beta'ing this for me. I appreciate and love you! And big thanks to @msmarvelwrites and @river-soul for pre-reading and all your encouragement throughout. You're both incredible 🖤

‘How did I get myself into this mess?’

That thought had entered your mind a thousand times, from the second he insisted on ordering your drink for you. You don't even like red wine. But he  insisted. Just like he insisted on ordering you the salmon. Insisted on paying the bill. Insisted on sharing a cab home. Insisted on walking you to your doorstep. You didn't notice him wave the cab off into the night, and if you had, you’d have run inside as fast as your feet could carry you. 

You’ve been locked away in the bathroom for god knows how long, working your way through a panic, and desperately trying to figure out a way to get him out of here. Out of your house, and out of your life. 

Sure, Ransom is  gorgeous. When he’d first walked into the restaurant - twenty minutes late, of course - you were practically squirming in your seat. Bright, ocean blue eyes, chestnut hair perfectly coiffed and not a strand out of place, cheekbones that could cut glass. The man was a delight for the eyes, but it didn’t take you long to figure out that he was anything but sweet. 

He’s condescending, arrogant, spiteful, clearly spoiled rotten - and in a nutshell, the total opposite of anything you’re looking for in a potential romantic partner. You had considered, just for a moment, inviting him into your bed for the night. A one and done kind of thing. Just to test out that admittedly impressive physique. But the second he cupped the waitresses ass right in front of you, you knew that wasn’t going to happen either. 

“You’ve been in there an awfully long time, sweetheart.” His voice is muffled by the wood, the door handle jimmying as he tries to twist it free of the catch in the lock. Your hands are shaking, purse strewn across the couch, your cell phone completely out of reach. “C’mon, what are you doing in there? Didn’t even offer me a drink before you hid yourself away. Not a very good hostess, are you?” 

You clench your jaw, teeth gritted together as you ball your hands into fists; trying to rid yourself of the unbridled rage threatening to claw its way out. Nothing good will come of you losing it. Looking at your reflection in the mirror, you let out a shaky breath - trying to find some semblance of calm amongst the chaos. 

“I-” your voice shaky, you grip the edge of the sink to ground yourself. “I would like you to leave. I’m not feeling well. Must have been something I ate. Maybe the salmon?” 

Silence falls upon you, and you release a breath you don’t  realise  you’ve been holding when you hear your front door slam shut a few moments later. Guess you were right about one thing. He really was an asshole. Sure, you aren’t  sick - but he doesn’t know that. He hadn’t  even bothered to ask you if you were okay, just upped and left. 

You splash some cool water on your face, brush the taste of bitter red wine from your teeth and tongue, and remove your makeup. You can’t help but huff a laugh at the thought of telling the girls at work just how fucking atrocious your date was. At least you have a funny story to tell. You’d be laughing about it soon enough, right? 

Making your way out of the bathroom, you pull the cord and turn off the light; locking the front door and hanging your keys up on the hook. You stifle a yawn as you make your way upstairs to your bedroom, pulling a sleep shirt from your dresser and tossing it onto the bed. 

You spy your reflection in the mirror, furrowing your brow and muttering to yourself, “Wasted yet another gorgeous dress on yet another asshole.” 

Reaching awkwardly to unzip yourself, you shrug out of the dress and throw it into the laundry hamper at the end of your bed. You’re about to shuffle out of your lacy panties when your eyes land on the contents of your makeup bag strewn across the floor, and your heart misses a beat because you could have sworn it was on your dressing table when you left. 

You look to the window to see if the heavy breeze knocked it over, but it’s closed; just like you know it would be. You shake your head from side to side, trying to rid yourself of all the silly thoughts flooding your brain. 

“Swear I’m going fucking crazy sometimes.” 

You sink to your knees with little to no grace, reaching for your mascara and your lipsticks, throwing them back into your cosmetic bag. You can’t shake the feeling in the pit of your stomach. Something’s not right. You still your movements, sucking in a breath through your nostrils as you look around the room. 

Your heart stops in your chest, breath hitching in your throat when you see it. 

A camel coloured, woollen coat that you’d recognise anywhere, draped across the arm of the chaise lounge in the corner of your bedroom; and you freeze. 

You can’t move a muscle, tears pricking at your eyes. The realisation dawns on you, as if someone dumps a bucket of ice water on your head. 

He’s still here. 

“Anybody ever tell you you’re way too trusting?” His voice startles you, your body turning to face the doorway; Ransom’s large shadow illuminated by the light from the hall. His lecherous eyes wander over your body as you try to cover your modesty, standing on wobbly knees and reaching for the sleep shirt on your bed. “Oh, I wouldn’t bother with that if I were you. You won’t be needing it tonight.” 

“Yo-you need to leave,” you stutter, holding the shirt tight against your chest, your knuckles white from gripping the thin cotton material. Your gut twists when he smirks at you, one hand behind his back and the other resting on his hip. You find your voice again, a little sterner this time. “I don’t want you here. Leave or I’ll call the cops.” 

Ransom takes a stride forward as you take furtive little steps backwards, back digging into the dresser behind you. He cocks his head to the side, eyeing you from head to toe, and then back again. 

“Little lamb cornered by the wolf, huh? What did you expect, princess? I wined and dined your stubborn ass at the most expensive restaurant in Boston, and you think I’m gonna let you decide when the night’s over?” 

You’re shaking, teeth chattering together in fright as he looms closer to you; his body a few feet from yours, crystal blue eyes burning with an intensity that chills you to the bone. He reaches for the shirt in your grasp swiftly, ripping it from your fingers and throwing it back over his shoulder - your hands the only thing left to protect your modesty. 

“C’mon. Playing hard to get isn’t cute on you. Show me what I paid for.” 

Your eyes flit from left to right, brain whirring as you try to figure out a way to escape him. There’s no doubt in your mind what he intends to do to you, and the mere thought of it causes bile to rise and burn in your throat. 

“Go on. Try it,” he mocks, sensing your flight response rising to the surface. “Run. See how far you get. Maybe you’ll get a kick out of it. I knew you were into some kinky shit. Took it upon myself to have a little look-see through your bedside cabinet.” 

Heat rises in your cheeks as shame engulfs you, the thought of him prying into your collection of vibrators and toys making your nose scrunch up in disgust. The last thing you could ever want is for him to put his hands on you. 

You need to get the hell out. 

He’s too fast for you though, snatching you up in his arms the second you get close enough, your back pressed roughly against his chest as his arm wraps around your waist. You feel a cool chill at your jugular, your eyes flitting down to the shine of a blade and a sob emitting from your mouth, the tip of it digging into your throat just enough to break the first layer of skin. 

“You know, it’s a real shame it had to be this way,” he hums, breath hot against your ear as he walks you backwards a little. You want to struggle against his grasp, your mind screaming at you to act, to do something - anything. But the knife at your throat is enough to frighten you senseless. “I’m a real good fuck. Ask around, you’ll find that out. But you just had to go and make it difficult, didn’t you, princess?” 

“Please,” you whisper, fingernails digging into the cashmere sleeve of his sweater. “Please, don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.” 

He pulls the knife away from your neck just enough so his tongue can lathe at the crimson droplet seeping from the tiny wound; humming in satisfaction at the taste of your blood on his tongue. 

“If your pussy tastes as good as that, I might have to come back for seconds.” 

You’re shaking like a leaf, clinging to him to hold yourself up, his hips grinding against your ass - the prominent bulge beneath his trousers pressing into the crease of your behind. 

“Please, I don’t want this. P-please.” 

“Please, please,” he taunts, spinning you round in his hold to face him, the knife in his hand snaking beneath the lace front of your bra and slashing it open - your breasts falling free as he shoves you back against your bed. “You’ll be begging soon enough, but it won’t be for me to stop.” 

You lay there frozen, barely breathing as he pulls his sweater up over his head, his broad chest outlined in the shadow of the dim light. You must be staring, because he’s smirking again. Smirking at you as if you want this, as if you’re enjoying it. 

“You know how lucky you are that I even took you out for dinner tonight, princess? I can’t remember the last time I fucked a girl in a bed. We don’t usually make it out of the car before they’re dropping their panties for me.” 

Your eyes fix on the ceiling above you, arms resting against the mattress limply as you begin to accept it. It’s going to happen. He’s gone too far to stop now. His naked form is on top of you, forcing your thighs apart as he looms down over you. He pinches your chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him as he runs the tip of the blade down over the valley of your breasts. 

“C’mon. Give me a smile,” he whispers, his mouth latching painfully onto your nipple as he sucks it between his teeth. You hiss, your legs flailing either side of his waist as you struggle. “I bet, if I slip my fingers inside that little lace number - you’ll be soaked.” 

You're crying, tears rolling down over your cheeks and onto the sheets below. You cringe when you feel the heavy thud of his cock against your lace covered core, closing your eyes and breathing in deep through your nostrils. 

"Shall we find out?" Ransom asks, but he doesn't want an answer. He's not going to give you a choice in the matter regardless of what you say. He sits back on his haunches, the flat of the blade making its way down over your stomach, dipping just beneath the waistband of your panties. "I'll make you a deal, princess. If you're not wet when I cut these panties off, I'll let you go."

You can't help but sob harshly, because you can already feel it. Your body betrays your mind, and heat spreads between your thighs, the dampness coating the gusset of your underwear. And he knows it, too. Can tell by the expression of shame on your features. 

You jolt up the bed when the chill of the blade drags across your inner thigh, slipping beneath the lace and resting against your heated core. You hate the way your pussy clenches at the sensation, cursing yourself inwardly as he chuckles. 

You feel the strain of material against your hips as he twists the blade, the serrated edge tearing through your underwear in one swift movement - leaving your cunt bare for his possessive stare. 

Ransom lifts the knife up in front of him, smirking at the sight of it, the flat edge glistening and slick from your juices. You want to vomit. You think you might when he lowers it to your lips, pressing it against them and stroking the apple of your cheek with his thumb. A misplaced tenderness that you don't appreciate. 

"Looks like I was right, doesn't it?" He huffs proudly, nudging your bottom lip down with the tip of the knife. "Open up, princess. You can say you don't want it, but that pussy - oh, that pussy - she wants it."

His eyes are ferocious as you shy away, nuzzling your face into the mattress and refusing to follow his instruction. The slap of the blade on your cheek makes you cry out, dampness coating your cheek as he brings it back to your mouth. 

"Don't make it worse for yourself. Do as you're told, and I might even let you come tonight. Bet I could get one outta you in less than five minutes. Wanna make that bet? Didn't work out so well for you the last time, did it?"

"Now, stick your tongue out." You do it, hesitating a little when the tip of your tongue hits the metal - the salty sweet tang of your essence soaking into your tastebuds. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

You flinch as he wipes the remainder of your slick against your cheek, the blade nicking your jawline on the way down, warmth rising to the surface as a droplet of blood trickles down to the hollow of your throat. 

"Now, can I put the fucking knife down? Been waiting all night to get my hands on this tight body."

You hesitate a little, nodding slowly and letting your tears of anguish flow freely. He tosses the knife onto the floor next to his clothes, trapping your body against the mattress with his as he forces his mouth onto yours. He kisses you with a ferocity that knocks you off kilter, his tongue forcing its way between your teeth. You fight the urge to bite down, his strength easily overpowering yours. You just want it to be over. 

"Next time I'll take my time, get to know what makes this body tick. But I think I've waited long enough to get inside that little cunt, don't you?"

Next time.

You swallow down the bile that gathers in the back of your throat, holding your breath when he reaches between your bodies and runs his fingers through your traitorously sloppy folds - pinching at your clit and making you shriek. 

"Absolutely fucking drenched. You act all demure and frigid, but deep down you're just a whore looking to get fucked." You can't hold back the whimper that escapes you when he rubs on your sensitive nub, tiny - strangely tender - circles causing you to pant. "That's it. Just enjoy it, princess. Behave, and I'll make it good for you."

You can feel that all familiar tingle rising to the surface, one hand gripping the sheets beside you and the other covering your mouth, almost as if you're trying to hold in your mewls. It's disgusting, he is disgusting - but you find yourself only a handful of strokes away from your orgasm. Ransom rips your hand away from your mouth, positioning your hands above your head and securing them both with one of his own. 

"No. I wanna hear those pretty noises. I deserve them." Ransom's ministrations quicken, your cunt clenching and releasing as you hold your breath and try to stave it off; but it's no use. "Oh, here it comes."

Your whole body jerks as you try to wriggle free of his grasp, your climax crashing over you and sending you dizzy, blood pounding in your ears and your cries ringing out in the air. Fresh tears fall at the realisation that he was right. How easy it was to send you hurtling over the edge. You're disgusted with yourself. 

"I'd hate to say I told you so, princess - actually no, that's a lie - I fucking told you so," he sneers, shoving your thighs apart once more and settling between them, your wrist aching from the force of his grip. "Now, be a good girl and beg for it."

"Fuck you," you snap, your suppressed rage bursting out of you as you spit in his face - your saliva rolling down his cheek. 

The blood drains from your face as he smirks and wipes it away with the back of his hand, reaching for your throat and squeezing roughly. He brings himself level with you, his eyes staring a hole through your skull as he seethes. "That was a mistake. I was gonna make it good for you, but now I'm just gonna take exactly what I want."

You're on your front before you know it, your body free of his weight as he leans back and reaches down over the edge of the bed. You try to scramble away when you see the knife in his hand, desperate sobs wracking your body when he grips your ankle and tugs you back towards him; his knees either side of your thighs as he presses his chest against your back. 

"Please!" you cry, shuddering as he drags the tip of the knife up over the curve of your spine. "Please, I'm begging you, you don't have to do this."

"Yeah, I do. Feel how hard you got me?" he purrs, slapping the heavy weight of his dick against the cleft of your ass. You wince and clench your thighs, but it's no use, the bulbous head prodding at your hole. "When's the last time you got fucked? Not that it matters. You've never been fucked like this."

"No!" you scream, his hefty girth splitting you open in one brutal thrust, pussy fluttering to try and accommodate him. He's huge and you're sobbing. "No, please no."

"Jesus fucking Christ, that's some good pussy," he grunts in your ear, the pressure from the knife nudging against the column of your throat. "Does it hurt, princess? I don't care."

You sigh with relief when he withdraws, but he soon punches the breath from your lungs when he fills you up again - his hips pounding against your ass, flesh rippling from the sheer force of it.

"You're gonna come all over my dick, and you're gonna say thank you. Got it?" he spits, punching into you mercilessly, fucking your frozen body into the mattress. You cry out when he applies more pressure to the blade, your pulse thrumming against the metal. "I said, got it?"

"Yes!" you howl, clinging to the comforter and bracing yourself for each violation of your soaked channel. 

You hate the way your cunt sucks him in, despise the way your knees tremble as he sets your nerve endings on fire. He can feel the way your body reacts to him, teases you with it, whispers filth over your shoulder that makes your gut twist. 

"You look so pretty when you cry, has anyone ever told you that? I think you're gonna come again." 

Every muscle in your body tenses up, his animalistic grunts vibrating against the nape of your neck at the feel of your walls clinging onto him. 

"Oh, you are. And then I'm gonna fill you up. I hope you're on birth control."

You are. Thank fucking God, you are. But the fact that he truly doesn't care makes your blood run cold. He's a fucking psychopath, and you just need to make it out of this alive. 

Ransom sets the knife down behind him, bicep curling around your throat and tugging your head back against his collarbone - devious eyes searing into yours, bloodshot and damp with tears. 

"You're a mess, look at you," he smirks, throwing his head back in pleasure when he punches against the deepest parts of you, balls slapping against the crease between your thighs. You close your eyes, try to take yourself somewhere peaceful in your head. Just want this to be over. "You can close your eyes, but your body is on fire for me, princess. I can feel it, and I know you can, too."

He's right. Your limbs are trembling, the sound of flesh smacking against flesh like static in your ears. You climb higher with each stroke of his throbbing cock against your swollen walls. 

"Oh!" you  gasp, his lips latching onto your shoulder and sucking a purple bruise into your dewy skin. You can't take it, so close to shattering that your body just takes over. "I-, fuck!"

"Thank me. Say thank you when you come on my dick. Remember who makes you feel this good. Say it."

Your eyes roll back, a garbled mess of words spilling from your lips and your head pounding. You're wrecked, pliable and fucked out beneath him - your ruined, abused cunt gripping him so fucking tight, you barely register the loss as he withdraws. Your brain is hazy, the blunt pressure of his cock pressing against your asshole making your eyes snap open in fright.

"N-ah!" you yelp, the crown of him punching through the tight ring of muscle, tip nestling inside as you tremble from the foreign intrusion. His hot, sticky spend splashes against your insides, sharp jerks of his hips sending shooting pains throughout your body.

"I said I was gonna fill you up. I didn't say where."

Ransom takes a minute, burying his nose in your hair and inhaling the scent of your coconut conditioner. It sickens you, the way he praises you as your body lays lifeless beneath him while he recovers from his climax. 

You barely move when he lifts himself off you, you don't even blink as the sound of his belt buckle clinking alerts you to the fact that he's redressing. Your mind is shot, your body is wrecked, and you choke out a sob when you feel his come ooze out and nestle between your pussy lips. 

"Thanks for the date," he leans down and kisses you on the cheek, and you recoil in disgust. "Next time you seduce me like that, you could at least buy me flowers first. Oh, and don't forget to lock up. There are some real assholes out there."

[books-and-catears]

HERE WE GO AGAIN GHOST MCS JAJAJAJA

One of which- mc is tied to a small tombstone and can only be awoken by a certain song (ITS THE TEN RABBITS WHICH IS A DARK NURSERY RHYME BUT ITS SO GOOD AADBDKAGAJAAAAAAA HU TAO SINGS IT IT SOUNDS SO NICE AND GHOSTY), after you wake them up they just stay around you and sometimes cause chaos since they get protective, like per say someone was being mean, they would then take their most precious item, destroy their things, etc, protective ghost......

The other is basically, ghost mc is a very shy ghost unless there's music playing (like time adventure) they start to dance around and have a great time- they're the one who takes care of said garden, immediately flees upon the sight of others — imagine if other demons destroyed the garden and they're just,, lightly sobbing because all of their hard work is destroyed

We have feral and shy ghost mcs woowooo

I apologise profusely, now I shall mail myself to mars

With the amount of Ghost MCs I'm writing about I should officially start a whole ass Ghost MC page XD. Right so I shall have to write this in two parts.

I love these asks so much. Kindly donot mail yourself to Mars, I donot like losing my friends on random planets and if I have to drag you back I will lecture you all the way home, Satan+Lucifer style.

Shy Garden Ghost! MC

(This gives me such cottagecore vibes I frigging love it)

Lucifer

Is obviously annoyed when he can never find MC in their room. Where do they keep running off to?

Eventually finds out its the garden. Fine then if they like it so much, all the gardening chores are theirs.

MC is delighted at the offer. Spends their time pruning and watering and nurturing plants.

Doesn't talk to anyone much, just smile at everyone and go about their day. However they couldn't resist music.

Lucifer learnt that when he played one of his records and looked out the window. MC was dancing about happily, their laughter ringing through the wind.

Their feet never touched the grass once they started dancing, always floating a good few inches above ground. It only added to their grace.

He knows how shy they were so he just stands there sipping tea, watching them dance from behind his curtains. It's the favorite part of his day.

Mammon

MC is a WHAT? A GHOST? And they live in the garden?!

At first he's strangely scared even before seeing MC. But after he's told he has to take care of MC, he ventures into the garden. MC was smiling to themself, pruning some tall trees. It was strangely calming.

Great now the Garden is where he hides from Lucifer.

He gets to attached MC and also asks for more gardening chores. MC cannot possibly cut all the grass by themself!

He sees how MC loves planting flowers and herbs and takes care of them.

He often buys new seeds of fruits and flowers he thinks MC might like.

One day he comes home to find MC crying in the middle of a completely destroyed garden. A heavy storm ruined all their hard work.

Mammon just wordlessly gets to work, trying to fix everything by himself. He doesn't like seeing MC like this.

Leviathan

MC loves gardening that much? Great! They are now his partner in all the foraging games.

Levi is often impressed by how MC guesses exactly which components to combine to create the strongest items.

Both of them being shy, often blush in silence sitting next to each other. Sometimes their hands intertwine and noone says a thing. MC's were always deathly cold, but Levi loved that.

MC is the only thing that can make Levi go out of his room for fresh air. He was hesitant at first, but now he loves visiting the garden.

Sometimes he takes note of what plants MC uses in real life.

It's quiet and it's just MC doing their thing, smiling at him often. He secretly takes so many pictures.

In appreciation, he made a virtual garden identical to the one they made.

Satan

Satan is instantly impressed by MC's skills and knowledge about gardening. He is a lover of nature too after all. Especially flowers.

MC used to scutter away when first approached them in the garden. He chuckled to himself, thinking their shyness is adorable.

But he used to come to the garden so often, MC finally got used to it. Satan would sit in the grass asking or telling MC about the flowers or shrubs they'd just planted.

Sometimes they would sneak out in the middle of breaks, taking a walk and checking on the plants.

One day as they walked in hand-in-hand, MC screamed and fell down in horror. Someone had uprooted all the freshly planted plants spitefully.

Satan was gone for the whole day. He returned at night, with blood spatters on his clothes and a strange duffel bag.

He went straight to the garden to fix everything with you. He'd said that demon remains had potential to be a good fertilizer.

Asmodeus

A soft ghost MC with a flowercore aesthetic? Asmo was instantly intrigued.

But MC is so shy they hide the moment Asmo steps foot in the garden. Asmo catches them peering up at him, hiding in the middle of a bunch of flowers.

My, my, was his beauty that intimidating to you? Don't worry MC, you're just a gorgeous as he is. There is an odd charm about your slightly transculent skin.

One day he found their secret. The fact that they cannot help but dance if they hear music.

So he goes walking in the garden, singing in his gorgeous voice. How can anyone resist that voice?

MC emerges from the shadow of the trees and dances to the sound of his voice. Floating higher and higher with a smile on their face.

Asmo watches them in awe, bringing out his wings. He joins them in the sky. MC is startled at first but takes the hand that he offers. MC is too enamored by his voice.

Asmo feels like he's in a movie and loves that feeling. Just two beautiful beings dancing in the dead of the night.

Beelzebub

Beel noticed an abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables after MC showed up. He is even more thankful, when he sees MC sets aside a lot of extras for him.

He notices how MC works super hard in the garden to grow the vegetables. Especially the heavy lifting.

He doesn't waste a single second - all the heavy handed jobs are his now. He doesn't care that MC is strong enough he's here to help.

MC got over their shyness quicker around him because that's how much a calming presence he was. He helped soften the soil and also helped pluck out the bigger vegetables when it was all good.

Although he did end up eating a lot of them, MC laughed and patted his head. After all his hard work he deserved that much atleast.

One day he MC and him discovered the garden had been destroyed. Someone left behind a note "Disappear like you're supposed to, you stupid ghost".

Beel was already hugging MC and bringing them back inside when MC started crying. Later that night he said he was too full to eat. A whole demon takes time to digest.

Belphegor

Belphie's a little brat. Seeing how shy MC was - he was set to embarrass them even more.

He'd take his pillow in the garden and fall asleep exactly near the plants that MC was currently working on.

MC would squeal and skitter away at first but then got used to his presence. After all all he does is sleep.

Once as a prank, MC built a little flower crown and placed it on Belphie's sleepy head. Belphie woke up to his brothers taking pictures of him and laughing about how cute he looked.

Oh now he had more plans to annoy MC. He'd brought his DDD along and played music, hiding in some tall shrubs. And while MC danced happily, a skip and hop in their step.

He was going to send it in the group to his brothers but he was so enamored by the dancing he kept staring till he fell asleep watching it. Like a good dream.

He woke up to MC snuggled into him. They were no longer shy. Belphie put his arms around them and went back to sleep.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Wishmaker

Goddamn it... 

It's bad enough Astruc tastelessly axed Lukanette, but now he just had to show up to give a sarcastic eulogy at the funeral.

Let's get into the fourteenth (chronologically the eighteenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Wishmaker

Right out of the gate, we get a “Chloe bad” joke with her insulting Marinette for being poor or whatever as she hands out flyers for an upcoming career fair. Chloe doesn't have much of a role in the episode, but she will be important towards the end, trust me. We also get a funny “Marinette stares lovingly at Adrien” joke while she sees him, so it's good the writers are at least trying to get their strange habits out of their systems now instead of later.

While reading over the flyer in his room, Adrien ponders a possible career as he doesn't want to keep being a model.

(The episode came out in English first, so I'm just going to be using quotes instead of screenshots of subbed scenes for this review)

Plagg: Don't you wanna continue to model?

Adrien: I don't think so, Plagg. I'm doing it now because my father asked me to. But now I realize I don't know what I'd want to do. I've never asked myself that question.

This is a really interesting dilemma for Adrien. Unlike other episodes that just have him feel sad for entirely superfluous reasons like Ladybug turning him down or generally moping about his mom, it feels like something you can really understand. He genuinely isn't sure what he wants to do with his life because he's had everything chosen for him before. I also like the use of the English dub saying Adrien modeled because his father asked him to, as if he couldn't actually say no. I also like how Adrien is still starting to lose faith in Ladybug for giving out Miraculous to everyone, which makes even more sense after his view of her was shaken in the previous episode chronologically, “Rocketear”. I also like how Plagg suggests ideas for a career for Adrien, like the two of them opening up a cheese shop together, which shows how Plagg cares for Adrien and wants what's best for him, ultimately highlighting how healthy their relationship is. He's almost like a big brother who gives advice to Adrien, even if it isn't the most sound advice at times.

On the other hand, Marinette already knows what she wants to do with her life, but the Kwamis start to argue over what she actually means by it by saying they know what she wants to do, a painfully accurate metaphor for the writers dictating Marinette's actions no matter how inconsistent they are.

Pollen: What's a career, dear Guardian?

Marinette: Oh. Well, it's... your job! Something really important that you do and gives meaning to your life!

Roaar: Oh! So, your job is being the Guardian of the Miraculous!

Mullo: Of course not! It's being a student!

Xuppu: Not at all! It's making presents for Adrien!

Marinette:Well...

Longg: She said “something important”, like when she crafted the big doll house to hide the Miracle Box!

Wayzz: Or when she designed the alarm for this room! What a masterpiece!

Marinette: Sure, I love crafting but—

Ziggy: You guys don't get it! What gives meaning to her life is to be in love with Adrien, or Luka, that's her job!

Fluff: Luka's the one with the guitar, right?

Kaalki: Her real career is being Ladybug and carve her name in history by her glorious deeds, of course!

Of course, their bickering somehow makes Marinette realize she isn't sure what she wants to do in the future after all.

We then cut to a reality show hosted by TV personality, Alec Cataldi. He's generally an asshole to the people on the shows he hosts and takes pleasure in humiliating or just being a dick to them, making you wonder how he still gets work with that attitude. Basically, he's the Alec Baldwin of the Miraculous Ladybug universe. The current show he's hosting is one where he roasts people for their jobs, making Andre a target by pointing how counterproductive his “business” is.

Alec: Here's a perfect example: Andre, the Ice Cream Maker, the ice cream man that is never around! Let me remind you how this goes: Andre doesn't have a shop, no one knows where he is, it takes forever to find him, and he gets to pick a flavor of your ice cream! You've gotta be kidding, Andre! Give me one reason why I should bother to chase after you when I could get my choice of ice cream in any corner supermarket!

Andre: Well, people don't just come for ice cream when they find me. They come to share their love and experience of magical moments! A supermarket cannot do what I do! I am a creator of magical moments!

Alec: “Creator of magical moments?” You've gotta be kidding!

I'm pretty sure that's what a lot of people thought of Andre when they first saw “Glaciator”. The idea behind Andre is that he chooses ice cream for you representing something about yourself, so he gives Alec a scoop of lime to represent his sour exterior and chocolate cinnamon to represent the dreams he still has within. Alec flinches a little at the ice cream, presumably because of how terrible of a combination that is, and decides to go to commercial to think.

Marinette talks to Andre about what he does, and he explains he used to be an office worker, with the only highlight of his days being making ice cream for himself after work. It eventually inspired him to quit his job and start making ice cream for everyone. It's a nice backstory, and I think a lot of people watching who are struggling to think about their future can relate to this like with the earlier scene with Adrien. It's also a nice touch for the flashbacks to reveal Andre has served ice cream to some of France's most famous couples.

(Jean Coutau and Jean Marais)

(Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin)

(Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Canet)

Granted, I'm wondering how old Andre is to have even met some of these people given Jean Cocteau died in 1963, but seeing how Master Fu is 186, I'm guessing the Miraculous Ladybug universe just has really good healthcare. Either that, or the people in this universe take Jay Kordich's diet very seriously.

Andre gives some ice cream to Marinette, who is soon joined by her ex-boyfriend who she never loved according to the writers. Actually, judging from her face when Luka talks about the very first guitar he made, the writers made another 180 regarding Marinette's feelings for Luka.

Of course, because the show wants to remind the audience Alec still exists, he makes fun of Luka for taking two years to perfect the delicate craftsmanship it takes to sculpt any instrument when you can just download an app on your phone. Your inner boomer is showing, writers, even if you were born after the time period for that generation. Luka retorts with some vague philosophical line he's known for that's one of the reasons why people are so mixed on him as a character

Luka: Musical instruments fill the space and space fills the instruments. No phone in the world will ever be able to do that.

Despite it being incredibly confusing, it gets to Alec, causing him to run off in tears. Luka and Marinette continue to talk, but it turns out that's Adrien decided to sit down nearby because of course he did. Though, like the last scene, it's a pretty interesting one as the three discuss what they want to do with their lives. There's also a really nice visual of a blimp with an ad Adrien was in passing by while Adrien talks about his father dictating his life, a really nice symbol. Of course, the scene is somewhat ruined by Luka suddenly deciding to be an Adrienette shipper.

Luka: You two will eventually find what's already in front of you, but you can't hear it clearly. Just let the melody flow.

He's referring to their uncertainty of their futures, but earlier on, Luka wanted to help Marinette be honest with her feelings about Adrien, and even before that, Andre was saying that Marinette and Luka didn't have to be in love to enjoy his magic ice cream. It's here when I realized this episode is subtly trying to end any chances of Lukanette still happening with so many little details. Right when the two spend time together, that's when they decided to help Adrien who showed up for no reason, preventing them from potentially coming to terms with their feelings for each other or at the very least discuss how hard it is to be friends with their history. And things only get more frustrating towards the end, where you'd swear someone decided to smother Lukanette with a pillow in its sleep.

Back to Alec, he's roasting a wig salesman (does he even have permission to film any of these people?) for his job, but as soon as the salesman puts a wig on him, Alec immediately gives us his life story.

Alec: When I was a kid, I used to have long hair, but everyone made fun of me. That's why I shaved it all off. I've been making the wrong choices my whole life. My TV shows are nothing personal. I make fun of people when they make fun of me when I was a kid. (Starts to tear up) I should've been the person I always wanted to be, trying to change the world instead of mocking it! (Falls on his knees) I've wasted my life!

I didn't paraphrase this at all. This is seriously what happened. He goes from mocking everyone he meets, to slightly doubting himself after seeing an ice cream vendor and a young musician, and then he starts having an existential crisis about his tragic backstory. It's not a bad idea, but if there was some more buildup in previous episodes, I'd understand. But this goes from confusing to straight out insulting towards the end. I'll get to that later on.

Shadowmoth notices Alec's emotions and akumatizes him into Wishmaker through his microphone.

Wishmaker has a pretty cool design. The grey skin color coupled with the mostly black outfit really highlights Alec's broken heart, and he looks pretty sinister. His powers... leave a lot to be desired.  Like the name states, Wishmaker has the power to make everyone's childhood dreams come true, like this one guy's dream is to be Santa Claus, so he transforms into Saint Nick without any hitch. Wouldn't it make more sense if Wishmaker twisted the dreams of his victims like a genie and made them miserable while they ironically lived out their fantasies by twisting around their words? Instead, all of his “victims” seem pretty happy, which doesn't really do much to make him a threat in my opinion.

So the aforementioned Santa starts dropping presents like bombs near Marinette, Adrien, and Luka, and they're separated by a giant robot. Marinette quickly transforms into Ladybug, and gets Luka to safety, though as soon as she leaves, Luka goes to check on where he told Marinette to stay for safety, and doesn't see her there. Instead, he sees his deadbeat father (transformed into a crocodile) drowning and goes to save him.

Ladybug meets up with Cat Noir (who transformed off-screen) and the two easily incapacitate the robot before engaging Wishmaker, avoiding his blasts. Apparently, they'll get their secret identities revealed if they get hit, so Ladybug goes to get Luka to help out as Viperion while Cat Noir holds off Wishmaker. Ladybug goes to get Luka, leading to the funniest joke in the episode.

She gives Luka the Snake Miraculous and he transforms into Viperion, immediately activating his Second Chance. For newcomers, Second Chance allows the user to set a point in time when activating it and if something goes wrong, they can go back to that checkpoint in up to five minutes. Ladybug also summons her Lucky Charm, a stuffed dinosaur toy.

Back with Cat Noir, as he engages Wishmaker, the Akuma starts to tempt him with the idea of living out his childhood dream, because he genuinely doesn't remember his. As Shadowmoth orders Wishmaker to use his powers on Cat Noir, Ladybug and Viperion show up, but in the chaos of the fight, Ladybug gets hit by Wishmaker, revealing her childhood dream as the “Knitting Fairy”, and exposes her identity to Viperion, who uses Second Chance to undo the timeline.

In the new timeline, Cat Noir's vulnerability gets to him, so he willingly lets himself get his by Wishmaker, not only exposing his identity as Adrien, but tragically reveals his childhood dream, to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. I feel like this works a lot better than some of the other moments where Cat Noir defied orders or screwed around on the battlefield because it's clearly framed as a moment of weakness on his part, and it was naturally built up over the course of the episode. The reveal of Adrien's childhood dream is a real gut punch too, as it shows just how much Adrien's life has been controlled by his family.

In the third timeline, Viperon deflects Wishmaker's blast meant for Cat Noir and redirects it toward a man whose childhood dream was to become a giant stuffed dinosaur. The stuffed dinosaur in question goes to give Wishmaker a hug, restraining him long enough for Ladybug to steal for Cat Noir to cataclysm (It's a microphone, how hard is it to break???) before she de-evilizes the Akuma. Ladybug uses Miraculous Ladybug to force everyone to stop living out their childhood dreams, she gives Alec a Magical Charm, and Luka decides not to tell Ladybug he knows both her and Cat Noir's secret identities. Why did Ladybug expect Luka not to know her identity when the whole reason she recruited him was to make sure nobody else found out her identity?

Now, while it isn't outright said, it's hinted at that now that Luka knows Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Cat Noir, judging from his dejected look after finding out the latter, he may be giving up on all attempts at the idea of getting back together with Marinette, and may or may not start shipping the Love Square now, just like how Kagami decided to ship Adrienette in “Mr. Pigeon 72”. I'm not saying the idea of Luka knowing someone's identity is bad, but it feels like this only happened specifically to stop him from having feelings for Marinette because now he knows Adrien loves her alter ego, and vice versa. Maybe it'll be touched upon in a later episode, but this was just a dick move by the writers in terms of ending all chances of Lukanette like this in order to ensure the Love Square has absolutely no competition.

So the episode ends with Marinette and Adrien deciding to focus on their futures while Alec starts a new show where he helps people live out their childhood dreams, albeit dressed like Style Queen for some reason.

Eh, he still picked a pretty cool Akuma to dress up as in my opinion. A lot of people have viewed this ending as evidence Alec is a drag queen with how he dressed up, coupled with the fact that he said something that was very similar to famous drag queen RuPaul.

Alec: And now, we're gonna love one another, starting with everyone loving themselves! Because how are you gonna love other people if you don't love yourself?

Though Astruc, being Astruc, once again decided to be vague when asked about the subject on Twitter, though at least the subtext is better than when he said he didn't make Juleka and Rose girlfriends because of censors while making it seem like a noble act.

Overall, this was a really good episode, though there were some underlying issues that really kept me from actually liking it. For the most part, it had some good drama with the main character, a rare scene where Marinette didn't stammer around Adrien, a creative (albeit flawed) Akuma with some good action, and an interesting idea with Luka knowing everything about the Love Square now.

There are just two big problems that really got to me about this episode. Let's get the obvious one out of the way, Luka. Honestly, he really didn't need to be in the episode. Sure, he gave some sound advice to Marinette and Adrien about their careers, but it felt kind of strange to see someone their age talking to them about their future when Andre, someone who actually had experience struggling to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, was pushed to the side. And like I said earlier, I think the only reason Luka found out about Marinette and Adrien's identities was to discourage him from thinking about getting back together with Marinette. After all, now that he realizes how “made for each other” they are, he can't stand in the way of the Love Square.

The problem is that in the context of the episode, we don't really see what made him see things that way. At least in “Mr. Pigeon 72”, Kagami consistently viewed Marinette's attempts to get her and Adrien back together as a subconscious desire to be with Adrien. It was dumb with how she decided to go to Team Adrienette at the end of the episode, but it was something. I'm glad the episode didn't force in too many Love Square shenanigans, but I think more should have been done to contextualize Luka's feelings towards the reveal. I get the writers wanted to make sure Lukanette had no chance of coming back, but this just feels rushed.

And then there's Alec's redemption arc. While it's not a bad idea in concept, the problem is that it flies in the fact of a recurring theme this season, that being redemption. Because, here's the funny thing: Alec blatantly said he became an asshole TV personality because of his history of bullying, and decided to retaliate as a result, but he eventually saw the error of his ways and turned over a new leaf. For long time readers of this blog, I apologize for bringing this up yet again, but what exactly makes this different from everything Astruc said about Chloe? You know, when he said that you make your formative choices when you're fourteen? Just like how Alec decided to become a reality TV host making fun of people after a troubling experience from when he was a kid?

Let's say that I agree with Astruc's views about Chloe. How is Alec different from what Astruc's said about Chloe for almost two years at this point? What makes Chloe, someone who was the victim of a troubled childhood who never got help, an irredeemable monster while Alec, someone who also had a troubled childhood and had even more time to get help while never getting any, capable of change? I thought he Alec made a formative choice when he was young and stuck with it, just like how Chloe started to fully develop at the age of fourteen. I mean, Astruc, you yourself said that Chloe's troubled childhood “was no excuse to treat people like shit”, according to you.

I'm just saying, dude, if Chloe can't be redeemed because of the stuff you yourself said, then that shouldn't apply to Alec either. When you really think about it, it's almost like Astruc either made up a bunch of excuses to not redeem Chloe, or he's a massive hypocrite for going back on his word. You can't really justify this kind of hypocrisy relating to Alec's redemption when you remember just how much of a hardass Astruc was when explaining why redemption was impossible for Chloe.

This coupled with the treatment of Luka really drags this episode from really good to blatantly insulting to certain viewers. Then again, these two choices just got to me personally. I feel like if those two things weren't there, things could have made this episode a lot better for me personally. I can see why a lot of people in the fandom still like this episode, but I'm honestly not a fan of it.

[yoonpobs]

hello 😊

may I request a drabble with jungkook and seokjin and reader with some angst and a bit of smut.. seokjin is her boyfriend and jungkook is jin's best friend and also a close friend of hers his also in love with her and he doesn't hid the fact that he has feelings for her so when y/n and seokjin get into a fight he seeing it as an opportunity to finally see if she wants to be with him

I hope that makes sense

thank you ❤️

pairing: fwb!seokjin x oc, roommate!jungkook x oc

genre: smut, angst

warnings: toxic/unhealthy fwb relationships, jin is a douche, jk is mean, oc needs a break

words: 2, 775

note: WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE MY OCS A HARD TIME IM SORRY & i took a bit of a turn w this request so i apologise for any inaccuracies 😢

There is a way that Seokjin treats you in bed that makes you feel whole yet like you’re losing bits and pieces of yourself to him every time. He’s never selfish—God no. He was generous to you, much more generous than real lovers you had in the past that you shared kisses that were full of passion between the sheets. The passion you felt with Seokjin was undeniable and almost painful. You hated the word almost, it was like wasted potential on a possibility that could’ve come true but fell too short to be real. And every time you thought of that word you thought of Seokjin.

He was there. He always was. That was the conflicting part. Between always and almost, he was always with you but never almost in love with you the way you were with him. It was pathetic, really. How a woman held such high regard for turned into someone unrecognisable between the sheets and a few kisses from a man who didn’t even love her back. You swore to yourself you’d never let this happen. But here it was—happening.

He fucks into you at a brutal pace that could almost cloud your stressful thoughts. He never misses, his hips angled upwards to hit you in places that only lovers should feel. You moan, scream and cry—for reasons more than how good he makes you feel.

“Ffffffuck, J-Jin!” Your head is pressed against the mattress but you can still see your delirious expression through the mirror in front of your bed. He looks angelic with the way his forehead scrunches in utmost concentration in making you feel good, but the way he snaps his hips harder into your own was demonic. He usually left bruises and it felt nice to have the remainder of what he did to you—but stung at the same time with the way that he marked you as if you were his.

You weren’t.

“Like that, angel?” He leans down to whisper against your cheek and all you can muster is the blubber of a response.

The grip on your hips is rough, but you like it that way. He slips a hand in between your spread legs and rubs your clit in figure-eights that has you whining at a decibel louder than the ones before. Jin notices this and starts fucking into you faster if that was even humanely possible.

“Look at you—so fucked out. You’re mine to ruin, right?”  He taunts you, dragging a hand up your body with the wetness as the answer to his question. He tugs on your chin to direct your face to look at your reflection clearly, and you see your lips swollen, eyes blown out and hair tousled.

“Y-Yes—fuck—yours, J-Jin!” You’re panting, and you feel your coil unravel at a rapid pace, and Jin groans from behind you when he feels your cunt spasm around his cock ferociously.

“If you’re mine then don’t cum just yet,” He sounds too collected for a man who’s been fucking his cock deep into you for the past hour, but you could never read Seokjin. Even when you had his dick all the way down your throat, the most you’d get is a groan—and that was more than you could ever muster up from him.

“Jin—Jin—p-ple-please! I need to—ah—cum—!” Your words were cut short when he reached his hand around your throat to squeeze it softly. But you moan louder, and your pussy responds by getting tighter around his cock.

He chuckles in a low timbre from behind you, hips slightly stuttering—and you know this is a sign of his release coming soon—and you push your hips back to meet his pace, causing him to hiss at the sudden action.

Jin stares at you from the mirror for the night, and you release he always has a similar expression when he’s approaching his high. Something cold, detached yet melancholic. You could never read him enough, because by the time you think you’ve got an answer—he demands.

“Cum.”

And you do. Hard. Spots of white taint your vision like an angel trying to cleanse you from your sins. But the way you blackout for a second shows you no mercy and reminds you that Jin was the devil and you were his plaything.

“Ffffffff—” You can barely breathe. But it’s a pleasurable feeling—the only thing suffocating is the aftermath. When he leaves, barely sparing you another glance.

And you feel him cum with you, deep spurts of white painting your pussy as you feel full of him. Like he’s here to stay. He pushes you back onto him and revels in your limp body. You allow him.

When he pulls out, you’re exhausted. And you can tell he is, too. He’s heaving, and he helps you onto your back by placing a pillow under your back and head. He’s caring, but only out of decency, not commitment. You’re tired too, but it’s the type of tired that settles into your bones. The tired you only feel after sex with Seokjin because you know you’re sleeping alone.

He’s meticulous and quick, just like he always is. It’s the same routine that you’re unfortunately intimate with. He searches for his pants, slips on his shirt and grabs his keys and wallet. They’re always on your desk; never anywhere else because that implies that the routine was breaking. Jin would never break that—not with you, at least.

“Won’t you stay?”

Your voice is soft as it breaks through the atmosphere. You seem to catch him off guard for a moment but he’s tedious at not showing anything more than he needs to. He casts you a glance over his shoulders and you feel oddly vulnerable with your naked body, a blanket draped over your curves in a way that should be enticing. But you knew it wasn’t—because he only wanted you in the heat of the moment and every second after that is a reminder of who you were.

“Since when did we do that?” He snorts, quickly carding a hand through his hair while he checks his appearance.

And as always, he looks kept together while you were left ruined at the expense of his hands.

“We don’t,” you say softly, “I just thought …” your voice wavers when he raises a brow at you, causing you to hesitate in your words but you’re oddly determined today. Maybe you’re tired of the heartache, “It’s late.”

He looks at you for a long second before rolling his eyes and stalking you. Your heart clenches in expectation, but all Jin does is reach a hand around your chin when he leans down to bring your face inches away from his. Your eyes are hopeful when you look into his. The gentle orbs that peer back could fool anyone into thinking that he was tender and loving—but you’ve never seen that side of him. You only saw him when he was overtaken by desire, hard and tall when he fucks into you like a rag doll while he smirks at your slacked body.

“That’s cute,” he grins widely as your breath hitches, “But that’s not what we do, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment is anything but endearing. It’s mocking and it hurts.

“I …” You croak.

Then he releases you, finger lightly pushing your chin so that you’d fall back onto your palms. He checks his phone with a casual grin, likely being called over to another party—or anywhere else that wasn’t your home. Your heart shatters all over again, but you’re used to it. The glass that scrapes your skin is stained with blood but you’re a sucker for the pain.

“I’ll call you,” is all that he leaves you with before he’s helping himself out of your room, leaving the door open in his way. He doesn’t care for formalities, not even when you see him bump into your roommate on the way out. He gives a wave of acknowledgement, but nothing else—because who would introduce their fuck-buddy to their roommate?

But Jungkook knew. Of course, he did. You weren’t subtly because you hoped if someone knew then it’d be a little more real for you to hold onto. That ugly seedling of hope that blooms in your chest every time Jungkook would catch a glimpse of Jin leaving your room makes you wonder what it’d feel like if you could have him over for dinners, for movie nights—for it all.

But you can only do that; wonder.

The door creaks ever so slightly and only do you realise that the tears return. You automatically know who it is, because it’s the same routine. It’s the same song that you hear each time he comes over and it’s on an unhealthy loop of replays when you feel your bed dip.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Jungkook whispers.

You don’t care that you’re bare. Jungkook’s seen you in worse states. Drunk off your mind, on the verge of collapse when you’d hope the alcohol would take the pain away. He’s a good roommate—but he really needs to mind his own business.

“Stop.”

“He’s a fucking asshole,” he sneers, grabbing your arm so that you’d look at him.

He hates that your eyes are red, and he hates that the bruises on your neck and chest match. The room smells heady of sex, and Jungkook has to endure the same pain you feel but tenfold when he watches your lips wobble the longer he stares.

“I love him, Jungkook.” You sob, leaning into his chest when he sighs for the umpteenth time, hearing the same thing leave your lips. It never got easier.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Jungkook spits, the thought of Jin returning only making his fists ball tighter when they rest around your bare shoulders, “Stop this. Stop going back to him.”

“Why doesn’t he want me?” You cry, hot tears wetting the fabric of Jungkook’s shirt.

“Why do you want him?” Jungkook returns, voice raising when he pulls back.

His eyes are blazing, the anger in his chest is only exponentially increasing the more he sees you heave. The tears that leave your eyes makes his heart clench and makes him want to chase that son of a bitch down and make sure he’d never see you again. But Jungkook finds himself staying still because you were here. In his arms—even if it you weren’t his.

But he’s still angry, and his mouth runs hotter than ever.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, huh?” Jungkook grabs your shoulders, forcing you to stare at him with swollen eyes, “You know he’s just using you! All he does is fuck you and leave. He doesn’t love you—and he will never love you so stop doing this to yourself and leave him before you continue hurting yourself like this!”

“Fuck you,” you spit through the tears.

“Because I’m telling you the truth?” He sneers, “Because I’m telling you things that you already know but are too damn scared to do?”

“Shut the fuck up, Jungkook!” You scream, pushing at his chest. But he grabs your wrist and levels you with a menacing stare while his own chest rises and falls with every breath of air he takes.

Your anger is muffled by your tears, and it’s a mixture of pain and rage when you peer at him. Jungkook’s so tired. He’s tired of feeling this way—of seeing you destroy yourself when you deserved more than anything anyone could ever offer.

“No,” Jungkook deadpans, “You’re going to listen to me and you’re doing this now.”

“I’m not doing anything! So let—me—go—!” You thrash in his hold, but Jungkook only tightens his grip around your wrists in a warning.

“Delete his number.”

“I can’t do that,” you say weakly.

“You can and you fucking will,” Jungkook says vehemently.

And as a point, he reaches for your phone that rests on your nightstand; and before you can process what he’s doing—he’s thumbing through your contacts and hovering over the one person you always seem to go back to.

“Jungkook, no—!”

But the damage is done, and Jungkook presses delete. For some reason, you feel absolutely nothing. But you’re angry, you’re angry because Jungkook’s always the person you see when it hurts the most and even through his words—all you want to do is scream.

“I hate you so much!” You scream.

Jungkook chuckles, dark and humourless as he runs his fingers through his hair. He stares to the side, jaw clenching in annoyance when you continue to cry and sob. He wanted to tell you to shut up—to stop crying over someone who’s probably already fucking the next breathing thing in his direction. But he doesn’t, because Jungkook’s impulsive. More so than he’d like.

“Yeah?” Jungkook scoffs, “You hate me? The person who’s trying his best to protect you?”

“You’re not protecting me!” You snap.

He ignores your indignant tone before levelling you with a blank stare that intimidates you more than you’ve ever been of Jungkook. He’s fuming, but it’s a calm before the storm that rattles your heartbeat against your chest. He looks livid.

“You hate me and love that fucking idiot?” He snarls, inching closer as you back away.

The growl in Jungkook’s chest is unheard of because more often than not he was level-headed. An annoying prick but calm and collected at most. This is the first time you’ve seen Jungkook look anything less than composed—and it was because of you.

“I can’t—I can’t control my feelings,” you say sourly.

He snorts, fully sarcastic and intentionally mocking when he looks at you with a hooded gaze.

“Isn’t that the fucking truth.”

“What the hell are you saying,” you narrow your eyes at him.

Oddly, you’re having this conversation when your tits are out—and only then do you consciously wrap your arms around your chest. His eyes immediately dart down to your subtle action and he rolls his eyes. You want to cuss him out, but Jungkook laughs. He laughs as if there was something funny—and you’re left even more confused.

“I’m saying that I fucking hate you,” he spits, face inching immensely closer as your eyes widen at his venomous tone.

“What—?”

“I hate you so much because you’re acting like an idiot chasing after someone who doesn’t give two shits about you.”

Your eyes well up with more tears as his words of bullets ricochet off your ears and settling deep in your heart. The harsh reminder makes your lips wobble and shoulders shake, but Jungkook doesn’t care.

“I hate you because you do this to yourself when you deserve so much more than what that prick can offer,” Jungkook says vehemently, hand wrapping around your chin to force your face to look at him.

Even now, when your eyes are puffy and red-rimmed, you look devastatingly beautiful.

“I hate you because I’ve been here this entire time and all you do is look for him,” Jungkook says softly, but his tone is still harsh, a sharp breath that erupts in his chest as well as yours as your eyes widen.

“Jungkook—”

“I’ve been here,” he croaks, and when you look into his eyes only do you see the pain, “I hate you so much because all I can do is love you.”

Your eyes widen as you gape at him, and you’re taking seconds too long to respond but your brain is processing the turn in events. But when you realise what he says, Jungkook’s pulling away. His hands retract themselves as if he’s been burnt and you were the flame responsible for it.

“Jungkook, wait—” you reach out. You were so confused, but you didn’t like the fact that he was leaving too.

“Don’t,” his eyes flutter shut in defeat, lips pursed, “Don’t touch me right now.”

Your face crumbles as you tug the blanket around your body until you’re resting on your knees and searching for his face.

“Can we talk—?”

“No,” he glares at you, and somehow—the look he gives you is far more painful than every moment Jin has ever walked out on you. Jungkook delivers the final blow when he snatches his hand away from yours completely.

“Figure your shit out because I’m done.”

And like always, you were left alone in your room—with more to think about than ever.