#not getting red pilled but am getting to be 40

[rambletron]

i know we all think Kim K suxx for the "nobody wants to work anymore" commentary which, as broadly as she put it, is definitely lame and untrue but guys... i literally work with people who ask for *less hours* and *same pay*. they wanna work 4 hours a day and get paid the same as the 8 hour people. i've never seen this before in my 20+ years of professional life. people are upset with our 4 day workweek we have (4x8 mind you) because they might have to come in on a saturday once per month.

i shit you not, the people in this town Do Not Want To Work.

remember the portlandia trope, "this is where young people come to retire"? that's my town. i wish i was joking. one girl said she "couldn't imagine" having a 40 hour work week. like couldn't imagine it - ironically her schedule is 40hr/week but she just leaves early every day so it's not sinking in.

i work on a team of 12 people - that's our whole company. 10-12 people. these assholes signed on for a job they *knew the parameters of* and then checked out as soon as they passed the probationary period. it's so incredibly fucked for the rest of us who have to constantly pick up after their leisurely foibles and firing & rehiring is so incredibly expensive and hard because, as per above, no one here wants to work. one of the people we interviewed for ENTRY LEVEL ADMIN turned it down because she didn't like that she only had 3 weeks paid vacation WITH ZERO WORK HISTORY.

like are people's brains being rotted by socialist memes? i'm so flabbergasted by this.

brb leaving my analyst desk to go do data entry so i can stay here for an extra hour while people leave early and enjoy the weather

[ncstalgicz]

♡ 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 ♡

miguel o’hara x reader

au timeline

sypnosis: reader is a stripper where miguel pays her a good fortune for pleasing him warnings: teasing, lap dancing, rich miguel 😍, not edited, cursing, neck-biting, a little bit of some spicy scenes, obsessed miguel, mentions of sexual materials words: 2.1k music: maneater - nelly furtado

You were tired. Tired of all the dancing. The fame. The music. Your legs were hurting really bad due to the choice of heels that your boss was requesting. “Fuck, I feel like I can’t even walk.” You told your friend Amelia who was drinking water from her locker. “Me too, I can’t get a break without the boss ordering me every second to please a man.” She complained. Your boss was a 40 year old woman who seemed to only care about her job.

“For real, fuck her old ass.” You cursed. As if coincidence she came into the locker room where she saw you and your friend staying quiet looking at each other. “Is there a problem in here?” She asked. You look at her and shake your head. “Good, Y/n you have another request. This time put on the red heels this man looks like he would choose red as his signature color.” She told you motioning to the red heels in her hand. You groan quietly so she won’t be able to hear. As soon as she left the room you turned to your friend. “I can’t take another request my legs are tired of this shit.”

“But you have to do it. What about your mom?!” She asked you. Your mom was in the hospital currently fighting cancer. You would do anything to help her but the chances were really low. Once you found out about her situation, you got fired at your old job and soon found this place thanks to your friend. Your friend told you about keeping the job a secret so you wouldn’t feel weird about her, though you never did and took the job. “I know. Fine but this is my last one after this my shift is over.” You recall.

You looked into your locker to find some red lingerie you never wore and went into the dressing room. You finished putting it on as you looked in the mirror to see that the lingerie fit on your curves perfectly to show them off. You look at your ass and could tell this was really revealing. “What am I wearing.” You looked at yourself with anxiety. You put on a black see-through sweater hoping it would make it less revealing. You walk back into the locker room to notice that your friend was gone. Music was heard blasting on the stage as you peaked through the curtain and see Amelia on the pole dancing her ass off. “Damn she looks hot.” You mutter in awe.

You went back to the locker room as you got your makeup kit and starting curling your eyelashes, putting on some dark red lipstick and some eyeshadow. “Perfect!” You soon go to your vanity and see the keycard for the room. “She didn’t tell me it would be a private dance.” You got even more anxious. Sometimes the other strippers would always come back ashamed, knowing what must of happened you never took private requests. You remembered your mother. “Fuck.” You cursed. Sometimes private requests pay good so you took the chances.

You took the keycard as you try to find the room. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…It’s only 10 minutes you can do it.” you continued cursing until you found the door. Room 2099. You hand shakes as you grab the handle and turn it and open the door. The room signifies a dim red as the led lights work their magic. You look at the room curiously, never ever being inside a private room. Their wasn’t anyone in here. Just a pole, a couch, a bed, and- oh no. Their was a bathroom. ‘Fuck. He must be in there.’ You thought to yourself.

Trying to be sneaky you try to distract yourself by opening a few drawers that were in the room looking at the stuff. Condoms, pills, lube, and bunny ears. Not noticing the door to the bathroom opens the man walks up behind you noticing your curious figure. You look at the bunny ears trying them on as you felt a shiver crawl up your back. “Eres tú el que pedí? (Are you the one I requested?)” He asks you. You freeze noticing the deep, husky voice as you turn around and look at him. ‘Lord have mercy, he is hot!’ “What?” You whisper.

He looks down at you as you just stay there in place with the bunny ears still in your head. He was wearing a buttoned black shirt with some black jeans. The black shirt shows his abs. “Are you the one I requested?” He asks you again this time in annoyance. You look away from his clothes as you nod not being able to find the words to say yes. He walks away from you as he sits on the couch putting one arm on his lap while the other holds the couch. “Go ahead, hermosa. (Beautiful)” Not knowing what he just said you go near the Bluetooth that was on top of a drawer as you press shuffle. The song Man-eater plays. ‘God damnit why this song?!’ You thought to yourself as you got on the pole and you start putting your legs around it and you spin with your butt showing off to the man.

‘Fuck I hate this shit.’ You curse in your head. “Not over there, hermosa. Over here.” He pats on his lap. You stop dancing as you got off the pole. “I’m not allowed to do that sir, I’m sorry.” You lied. “I specifically told your boss that I wanted it, she told me that I was allowed to. And now you’re over here lying to me.” He looked at you menacingly. You gulp in fear. You start walking slowly towards him as you got on his lap and you just look at him. He just stares at you with those crimson eyes. ‘God damn. I can’t with those eyes.’ You slowly start taking off your sweater only being on the lingerie. You start lap-dancing. You’ve never done this before so you start off by grinding your ass on his crotch. ‘What the hell am i doing?!’ You thought to yourself. You got off his lap as you start swerving your ass towards him.

Out of nowhere you start to sit on his lap as you put your arms behind his neck holding a fistful of his hair and motioning him towards your neck.

He hesitates before he starts biting your neck as you shiver at the feeling of his lips on your neck. You start rocking back and forth on his clothed shaft. You feel it. Before anything else could happen you get off him and you sit down on his lap facing the pole in front of you. You continue grinding your ass on his lap as he continues sucking on your neck. You hold back a moan as he starts getting rough. You hold his face towards your lips. Before both of your lips can touch you get up and start dancing on the pole. You spin around the pole showing your ass towards him. Something felt different about that man. His hair. His face. Those eyes. God damn those eyes. The way they dim perfectly with the light.

He gets up as he goes towards you and he grabs your waist and makes you face him. Before you can do anything he grabs your face and he sucks more on your neck. He’s so needy. You hook your legs on his waist grabbing his hair as he takes you to the bed. He pushes your body on the bed as you start unzipping your lingerie. Being inpatient the man kisses you and bites your lip. Not being able to hold back you start moaning into his mouth as you start making out. You start taking his clothes off.

‘We just met this isn’t right.’ Before you can stop he starts taking off your lingerie. ‘But oh god he makes me feel something.’ The song in the background soon comes to a stop and so does the timer. It beeps as you look at him full of lust. He looks back at you. You grab his face as you kiss his nose.

“Goodnight.” You whisper getting off of him. You try to zip back your lingerie but to no avail you stand there awkwardly. You look back at the man who was just staring at you sitting on the bed. “Can you help me zip it up?” You ask him. He gets up from the bed walking towards you as he starts zipping it up. His fingers stay on the zipper as you feel his hands. So rough. Once he finishes you thank him as you head out of the room. You immediately run to your vanity.

Your friend just looks at herself in the mirror wiping her face with a wipe so the makeup would go away. She see’s you running towards your own vanity. “Hey. You okay?” She asks you worried. You sit on the chair as you look at her with a smile. You start laughing. “What? What?!” You friend asks starting to laugh with you. “Oh nothing, I just met this guy and started to almost lose my virginity to him. Can you believe it?! To a guy I just met?!” You told her laughing. She looks at you in bewilderment.

“There’s no way.” You just nod laughing. “Okay, we’ll congrats I guess but was he hot at least?!” She asks you. “Oh he was hotter than the sun itself. His face, his lips…those eyes.” You remember those red crimson eyes. The way he looked at you through them. “It was like the color of blood.” You mesmerize. “Okay let’s go get our money, Casanova.” She teases. You both get up heading towards your bosses office. “You wanna go first, or shall I?” Your friend asks you. Your boss never liked the company of more than one person. “You go I’ll stay out here.” You tell her. “Okay, see you in a bit.” You stay there as you recall what just happened a few minutes ago. ‘I wanna see him again.’ You thought to yourself.

Your friend comes back with her check. “How much?” You ask her. “800 Bucks. Not much but it’s something.” She tells you. “Although I saw one of the checks. 7,000 bucks, whoever got the man must be one lucky lady.” You Look at her in Shock as you start biding goodbye to her noticing her getting ready to leave. You open the door as you start swearing nervously. “No need to be so nervous, it’s not that little by the way.” You boss reassures you. She writes her signature on your check as she gives it to you.

You grab the piece of paper as you look at the amount. $7,000. “Who paid this much?!” You ask her in shock. “The one who requested the private dance. Seems you did a good job.” She tells you. You continue looking at the piece of paper. ‘This could help my mom so much. Thank you.’ You exclaim in your head full of happiness. You exit out of the office as you immediately text your friend. She couldn’t believe it either.

Whoever that man was..must’ve been crazy rich.

Somewhere far off, is a mansion. Living in that mansion is the one and only Miguel O’ Hara. He got back from the club remembering the lap-dance. The way your hips moved to the beat of the song. The way your ass was swerving. Your eyes. ‘Ojos tan hermosas (such beautiful eyes).’ He thinks so himself remembering your eyes. Full of lust. He remembers they way you gripped his hair. Your moans were music to his ears noticing how much pleasure you got from him. Hey payed you good just for 10 minutes. It didn’t even feel like ten minutes for him. He wanted more.

The next weekend he came back and asked for you again. This time he couldn’t. You weren’t there. You got some free time with your mother to help her. Instead he took some other random girl but it wasn’t the same eyes, lips, body, or face. He wanted you only.

‘Esta chica..que devorador de hombres. (This girl…what a maneater.’ He thought to himself in the car looking at your figure walking towards the club. He got off the car heading towards the club for another round with you. He heads inside requesting for you again. This time his request was accepted. He got into the room changing the lights, putting on better clothes, cologne.

He went back into the bathroom. He heard you come in through the door. He opens the bathroom door a little bit to see you looking around curiously. He goes up behind you again. “Did you miss me..?” His low voice asks you. You turn quickly turn around and see him again. “Tons.” You Look at him with a crazy look in your eyes. You both look at each other knowing what will happen next.

[pinkykats-place]

BakuDeku supernatural au

AO3 Fanfic Recommendations

Disclaimers!

None of the stories linked on titles are mine.

Some contain mature content. Read tags.

Art work by @veve {twitter}.

Note: If you read any of these stories and like them please let the author know with a kudos and/or comment!

Under the Full Moon

by shalia_earante

Summary: Katsuki is finally ready to propose courtship to his nerdy ghost Deku, but the boy is nowhere to be found!

One Shot | SFW

Werewolf Baku x Ghost Deku

A Cat Named Deku by silentsongbird

Summary: Bakugou begrudgingly takes in a stray cat that has been hanging around his home. He says he's motivated by the weather turning colder, but he just can't resist the little fur ball. One night, Deku decides to let him in on a little secret.

One Shot | No Quirks AU

Rated - Mature

Cursed Shifter Deku x Human Baku

Blood Oath by Kolista

Summary: “Being alive ain’t worth shit if you don’t got something to live for,” I tell her with a sneer.

“Yes,” she pauses with a knowing tilt to her head. “To bad I am not alive.”

I laugh at her then. A deep one that has my chest shaking and when I settle down a little I start to feel a bit woozy. Whatever the fuck that old man puts in that brown water he calls ale has finally caught up with me. Or so I think.

The vampire bitch leans in close to me. Those disgusting red tipped finger nails graze my inner thigh as she whisper in my ear, “you’re going to make such a fine pet once we’re done with you. I bet you look splendid with a collar wrapped tight around that pretty neck of yours.”

— — —

Or Baku is kicked out of his pack and forced to make it on his own. He doesn't get far before he's scooped up and held prisoner at The Shelter, a supernatural black market where you can purchase anyone for any price. Bakugou is purchased by Izuku, a vampire prince whose in need of a bodyguard and the enemy to Kat's people. Now he must choose between his people or the one person he's supposed to hate.

Complete | 40 Chapters

Rated - Explicit

Vampire Deku x Werewolf Baku

The Morning-After Pill Doesn't Work On Werewolves, You Damn Deku!

by greatcloudninja

Summary: “All Supes have a secondary gender separate from the regular gender spectrum: alpha, beta, and omega. Alpha Supes—even non-werewolves—develop knots. And omega Supes, even those who have male genitalia, develop certain characteristics as well… like the fact that all omega werewolves can get pregnant if they have sex with an alpha during the full moon.”

Recently-turned vampire Midoriya Izuku wakes up in a hotel room, naked and vulnerable to encroaching morning sunlight, with a stranger on the other side of the bed. Except the stranger isn't a stranger at all—Bakugou Katsuki was his babysitter growing up, the older boy Izuku idolized and crushed on. Now he's getting a very... hands-on lesson in what separates the supernatural community from 'normal' humanity, as he realizes he's become very intimately connected with Bakugou in a way he never imagined.

One Shot | OmegaVerse

Rated - Explicit

Vampire Deku x Werewolf Baku

my love is always bitter/yearning

by lovemepidge

Summary: Two vampires get drunk and describe each other looks as they cannot use mirrors

{One Shot}

Rated - Teen & Up

Vampire Baku x Vampire Deku

Not Enough Time With You

by schrammashley1

Summary: Bakugou and Midoriya have already spent more than two lifetimes together yet, Christmas remains Izuku's favorite holiday and Katsuki realizes the nerd always gets what he wants.

{One Shot}

Rated - Teen & Up

Vampire Baku x Vampire Deku

An Aching Desire to Find

by psycovibes

Summary: It's been years since he last saw that freckled face, those viridian eyes that looked at him as if he was the most beautiful poem ever written.

The pull on his heart had only grown stronger with his will to find him. He would do anything to hear that voice say his name again.

He would give anything to find him.

One Shot | Victorian AU | Not Rated

Vampire Baku x Vampire Deku

Vampires Versus Wild by skyfallgar

Summary: Izuku barged into their shared home, panic written across his face. “Kacchan! we have a problem.”

“No,” Katsuki said. “YOU have a problem.”

He then pointed a finger at the intruder. “I have an idiot who keeps getting into one.”

“Mean, Kacchan,” Izuku pouted.

“So, what is it this time?” Katsuki asked.

“I told vampire hunters we were vampires,” he blurted.

“You did WHAT??”

— — —

OR Vampires bkdk keep pranking each other every 50 years or so.

One Shot | SFW

Vampire Baku x Vampire Deku

Lovebites by mynameis152

Summary: Katsuki Bakugou was going to hate this summer.

He thought he'd hate it because he was being forced to leave home and work for his mother's friend in a small, seaside town. He thought he'd hate it cause he was being punished for burning his room to a crisp. He thought he'd hate it because he hated change.

But it turns out, he hated the Supernatural Turfwar between four species that shouldn't exist but do a whole lot more....

— — —

Or The one where Katsuki is forced to move in with Inko for the summer and finds himself falling for a particular bloodsucker....

Complete | 57 Chapters

Rated - Explicit

[astarmaux]

The older I get, the less of my real face you will see lol - yes, I don't like selfies because I don't take good ones and another, faces change as we age so I am still swallowing that pill annnnnd well, this is the first time I put on makeup in well over a month, maybe longer so I just don't care too much about that anymore. But today marks 40 years alive and this is what 40 looks like for the mun. I wanna celebrate that number instead of hiding it and especially as a woman because in society, we just don't really feel allowed to do that now do we? To heck with that!

Oh and I learned how to do chains last night with my beginner's kit bf got me for bday and wanted to try some Halloween colors and learned to use two colors even though I lost my train of thought process along the way if you can tell! My first day even trying this so not bad to start. Yarn is not great quality but it's a beginner's kit so it's all good.

My very first attempt in the red before I was like... nah, I wanna jump into something else. xD

Anyway, I am blessed and not sad at all like I thought I would be for entering a new decade in life. Life is beautiful with all its ups and downs, twists and turns and I'm not done with it yet! And guess what? Neither are you!

Hope all my moots have a wonderful Wednesday. You are loved! ♥

[pretentious-art-love]

Film Reviews #11 - Memories

Memories an anthology film with three anime shorts released in 1995. They are all a bit more style than substance, but I did like some things in each one of them that I want to document.

Magnetic Rose lasts 40 minutes and is an a-bit-on-the-nose film about memories. Two astronauts find a distress signal in a wandering ship and they decide to look for survivors. Sometimes you feel the film is spelling out things way too much too you, you see where things are going and say, okay, I get it, the woman is stuck on her memories, that was enough! But there are lots amazing sequences and scenes that get close to the plane of surrealism. This one reminds me a bit of the ideas that Solaris, the soviet movie of 1972 explores, like exploring what you appreciate more, a fake memory you can hold onto, or the real thing. The difference is that Solaris is a very dry and slow film, closer to something like Kubrick, and Magnetic Rose does it with a lot of style and pyrotechnics, there are some wonderful animations here in there even when I found the woman of Magnetic Rose hard to sympathize with at all.

8/10

Stink Bomb is my favorite one and that's because its hilarious! An oblivious guy with the flu takes some experimental pills from his boss' office (that were intended to help soldiers with biological warfare) but the pills react with the flu shot he just had that morning and turn him into a weapon of mass destruction that kills everyone around him with his stinky smell! A lot of destruction ensues! It is basically a comedic version of Akira, oh and the music is fantastic too.

9/10

Cannon Fodder is the shortest of them all clocking at 22 minutes and it doesn't have too much plot aside showing the every day life of a boy and his father in a city where they are all working and studying to launch a cannon towards an enemy we never get to know. The ritual of launching the canon is also shown in excruciating detail. There are two things that I love in this short, the music and the coloring. Like.... dude, just like at that, it's just a bunch of industrial machinery, but that red contrasts the dead green and yellow tones of the rest of the city, just look at it, it's so good, so so good! The art style is also more designed to look like a painting than a contemporary anime and it has some resemblance of... I'm not sure, soviet cartoons? Either way, it looks very stylish and the coloring is spectacular.

Now, the reason I think Cannon Fodder is still worth watching is the music, like sure, I have saw a lot of criticisms about it and how it was trying to be deep without giving that much of a meaning to its anti war message, but the music is so good, it is almost like a very cool music video and I feel that if they went further with the music direction it would have come up as even more original and special. The music sounds out of a carnival at times, it has so many mischievous and bright tunes filled with joy which you will imagine contrast a lot with the setting. There are is also a more atmospheric piece that is hard to describe and I really enjoyed too.

One thing that also stuck with me is its depiction of the influence that has environment. Like sure the whole canon metaphor is a bit too plain, but I think it's works more than just an anti war statement. It works also as a statement about the construction of environments. Look at the kid in that short, he only knows the city working for the canons, his dream is to be able to push the canon button one day, he is nothing more than canon fodder. It is something that makes me terribly afraid because it makes me think, am I just a result of the things that have been given to me? How much are my dreams and aspirations built based on the objectives of the country and/or environment where I live and was raised in? I could very well be fodder, just for something else that I am not noticing, because that's all what the world that contains me shows me it is possible to do.

7/10

[smileymoth]

all jokes aside what has ronnie radke done? I've heard a bunch of shit from rape accusations to homicide accomplice to like???? there's an article that im mad i can't find that started with the lines 'Assault. Animal abuse. Drama online. Ronnie Radke is in the news again, for all the reasons' or something like that and it haunts me but genuinely, how much of this shit is actually true? Deeply confused and very out of the loop over here.

okay well. this is what i know. so don't quote me on it but i hope it clears some things up?

he got jailed for wearing brass knuckles to a fight in a state that they were illegal in, he did NOT get jailed for killing a man, his friend however got time for self defense, because the guy who died was threatening them with a gun so Ronnies friend shot him. iirc.

the rape and domestic abuse accusations were dropped by the court because of the lack of evidence, so there's really no saying in how accurate or inaccurate they are, since we know how easily sa accusations get brushed to the side...

he threw a metal mic stand to the crowd and injured a fan in the crowd, he did pay for all the hospital expenses with no issues (i think) so that was solved. still a shitty thing to do and most venues now (or the one that it happened at) banned metal mic stands. that's less of a "kill him now" thing but still kinda funny and odd that it happened in the first place ?? y'know ??

i have NO clue about the animal abuse. i just know he has a dog called Lobster and that's it

Mostly what he's done in the past years that i'm aware of:

he's chronically online and can't take criticism whatsoever

he thinks everyone criticizing his music is attacking him so he has a fullon meltdown on his twitter (that got banned for harassment i think. imagine getting banned in elon musk era twt??)

he has really transphobic views, he went off about the ''trans women in bathrooms'' ''debate'' and was just NOT listening to anyone. he can NOT be wrong in ANY scenario. he will just attack you. people were very calmly trying to explain to him why he should reconsider his comments and he just.. went off on them. it was so stupid.

he bullied non binary teenagers (mostly fans) on tiktok for using they/them pronouns. this was like 2 years ago. i think his tiktok got deleted?

constantly getting into random arguments with other musicians he doesn't like. it's just unnecessary

he has also made ableist remarks about a girl in a wheelchair to her face at a meet and greet (allegedly), racist, homophobic and other transphobic comments, that i have not witnessed myself but i've heard from people online and i do believe he has made those because he's just... a handful.

he's just a massive cunt really but, knowing that he has quite a big platform it just pisses me off. as sb said on reddit, it's his massive ego, inability to take criticism, bigoted comments, and victim complex...

so he's very much a red pilled transphobe who kind of scares me because why are you as a 40 year old bullying children on tiktok and commenting about where trans women can piss. please get a hobby

and i'm obviously missing things but this is what i am aware of and have witnessed live on twt and tiktok T_T unfortunately

[buggybugzxo]

Santafication

Chris was your average dude, brown hair, 6 foot, lean body, stubble, all the good stuff. He was gay as well, and ran an account online, showing off his body for money. Life was good, until one day when one of his followers sent a package in the mail. It was a small cardboard box with the words ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’ on it. He guessed it was just a Christmas gift that came early. He went back inside his house and slit open the box and found two things. One was a piece of paper, and one was a baggie that had two red pills inside of it. “The hell?!” he whispered to himself. He squinted and read the paper, which had this on it, “Hey, Chris! I’m a big fan. I think you will like these pills (no they are not drugs) and they will make you really sexy in my opinion. See ya! (P.S. Take these with eggnog!)” Chris stared at the baggie. “So these will make me sexy, huh?” He said, confused. He had so many questions, but no answers. He grumbled and took a bit out of one of the pills and got a cup of eggnog out of his fridge. He tossed the pill in his mouth and got a swig of eggnog. Ignoring the taste of the eggnog, he could tell that the pill tasted sweet, but almost like peppermint. He grumbled and went on his couch to watch TV. Not even 10 minutes later, his stomach started to growl. “Huh? I could’ve sworn I ate half an hour ago...” He said, getting up to get a snack. As he went to his kitchen, he felt himself get more and more hungry. “Must be the pill.” he said, rubbing his stomach. At this point he had enough. He grabbed a pizza from his freezer and put it in the oven. “This better stop making me hungry.” He grumbled. The oven beeped and he got the pizza out and let it chill for a few minutes, but as soon as it was done cooling, he got every slice and started to eat. The pizza tasted different this time, almost as if the flavor had been boosted. He happily ate every single slice without a care and fell asleep on his couch. 

The Next Morning

He yawned at got off the couch to go use the bathroom. He groggily walked in and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He had to do a double-take when he saw that he practically had a beard now, and it was turning grey! “What the fuck?!” He yelled, “How did I get a beard overnight?! And why is it greying?!” He immediately got his razor and shaved it all off. He used the bathroom and went to his kitchen. He picked up the bag and wondered, “Did these cause all of this? How?” These thoughts raced through his mind and went to go through them in the trash. He opening the lid and was ready to drop them back in, but something told him not to. He sighed and placed them back on the counter. He had a strange urge to take another pill, but thought to himself “If a little bit of those pills caused all of that shit to happen, what will happen if I take a full one?” He shrugged and poured a glass of eggnog and took a full pill. “Whatever happens, happens, I guess.” he thought to himself. But as soon as he swallowed the pill, he immediately felt ravenous. Without thinking, he got in his truck and drove it to the local buffet. He piled his plate and started to eat like he had never tasted food before. He got a beer, which was strange because he didn’t like the taste of beer, and got another plate. 2 plates turned into 3, then 4, then 5, and so on until the buttons on his shirt busted and he was asked to leave. He waddled back to his truck, and looked at himself in the rear-view mirror, and saw that the beard had grown back and was longer than it was before, and it was more grey. “Well, isn’t that something he said.” Knowing he shouldn’t drive home drunk, he got in his car and rolled the driver seat back until he could lay down in it. 

The Next Morning

He woke up at around 4:40 AM, and was confused to see that he couldn’t see his feet now. He rubbed his eyes and saw that he now had a firm ballgut that was coated in grey hair. He rubbed his new body and knew he had to go home and take the last pill. He drove home and ran (more like waddled) into his house and saw there was a milkshake and 5 pills. Beside the milkshake, there was a note that said ‘Take the pills with this ;)’ Without thinking, he took at five pills and chugged the milkshake. He immediately felt a change go through his body, and felt his face become chubbier, his firm gut became massive and squishy, his arms and legs ballooned up like sausages, and his beard and body hair kept growing and growing. Eventually, it was done, and he felt the waves of fat go through him. He laughed and waddled over to the scale, and saw that he now weighed a massive, 1,048 pounds (475 kg for you folks not in America). He was now a big, fat Santa Claus, and loved it.

[ppatricia34me]

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸Cabin Fever 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸Part 1🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

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Wanings, this story is for people 18 and older, may contain content others 

might find it upsetting such as kidnapping, drugs, Yandere, and Overprotective, also I do not condone the Behaviors displayed in this story. Just because I have written it with my name as the main character, dose not mean I would ever do this, this is Strictly for fun and not a Reflection of who I am as a person, with that out of the way enjoy.

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(Patricia Pov)

The Forest wasnt a typically place for a young women to live, Especially one that dreamed of that Cozy little housewife life, But I made it work, my Cozy little cabin was filled with embroidered little pillows in Soft pastel pinks and purples and yellows, White lace doilies lined the tables, the Couch had a floral pattern and on the wall was A large flat screen TV, After all I wasn't too much of an old fashioned girl, I even had a Laptop for my work, the Graphic designer at a dating Agency, But Despite working for a dating Agency I had no Husbend to come home to, no sweetheart to call my own.

But iam a Patient Women, and sooon I will In Snag a fly to my hunny covered web, after all the Park ranger station is just down the rode and those men are like family, so they understand that if my little fly Escapes his sweet web i worked so hard on, My little Worker bees will just bring him right back.

A loud ringing echoed through the room and I was soon brought out of my thoughts, I was qwick to pick it up.

“Hay Patricia, A couple of young man just stoped by, they were asking about Cabins, I sent them over to your neck of the woods, They look pretty strong, calls us if you need Any tranquilizer darts or pills or strong rope or metal chains!” the young mans cheerful voce spoke, I Let out a small squeal that the young man obviously heard has he chuckled in amusement.

“Thank you Sunny, I’ll Take you up on that offer Of supplies if one of your men would bring it over tomorrow!” i happy spoke, After a couple more exchanges I soon hung up the phone.

My body never Left the soft pink curtain window, Watching intensely for the men to Arrive, my eyes Lit up upon seeing them cross through at the clearing of thick trees in the distance, I feailt my heart skep a beat, the Boys at the station never mentioned Who these men were, but I knew Even from the distance that they were at that they were none other than steve rogers and bucky barnes, men Lost in an era they werent Meant for, men Straight from the '40s, Perfectly and practically in need of a sweet little housewife, It practically had to pinch myself to ensure it wasn't a dream or a free hallucination brought on by Cabin Fever, but it wasnt, the men were geting cloer by the moment, the sun was In its early stages of setting painting the sky in a very light orange, Soon the men crossed the threshold and I heard A loud and assertive knock.

I giggled as i Raced to the bottom of the stairs to let them in,I practically swung open the door, Once realizing what I've done I could feel my cheeks go bright red cuz I looked up at them.

“Oh um, are you Miss Patricia, Your alot younger then what we Expected, is it all right if we come in, we were told you have room for us!” I'm Steve Rogers spoke in a honey sweet voice.

“Its no trouble at all, i get it alot, there arnt alot of 22 year olds with my name!” I Awkwardly exclaimed, I feailt so nervous, these men could take me out with a Single pinky finger, there was no way that keeping them here was going to be easy.

I watched as they carefully took there shoes off and Proceeded up the stairs, I fallowed behind them, feeling very small Compared to them.

“You can put your bags in the large dark bule room, I hope you tow dont mind sharing the bed.” I said softy.

Buky whent in first and steve smiled softly at me. “Thank you miss, and we dont mind, also I apologize he's not much of a talker, hes been Through a lot.” Steve spoke, I nodded my head,I understood what he meant,it was all over the news, Steve rogers and Bucky barnes Fugitives of the law, Steve even had to Resign as Captain America.

“Would you like anything to eat?” I asked softy, he smiledbut shock his head no.

“It's ok miss, Bucky and I have already eaten.” he smiled,I smiled back. “Well if you need anything, my room next door.” I smiled, and he gave me a thumbs up, I soon turned on my heels and went to my room for the night.

[pbandjesse]

We just got back from having some drinks and sn as cks at the Guinness brewery. It was a nice way to end the day!! I had a good day today. I am very tired but it was a nice day.

I am getting to the point where I miss work though. I like two or three days off. But even though I worked Wednesday I have been home a lot. And I know there is stuff to do but it's hard to have all this time and not enough direction.

I slept okay last night. I woke up a few times but it wasn't the worst sleep. I slept until 9. I missed James when I woke up for real. And I was sad because they sent me a text saying they were hurting and miss being able to sleep and I feel bad. I don't know how to help. I am encouraging them to be honest and frank with the doctor on Tuesday. I really hope they take them seriously.

I had to deal with some phone calls about the new medication I'm going to be taking. I am still going on Monday and getting the first injection so that's exciting. Also scary. The chemo pills have been upsetting my stomach I think. I have been keeping notes. But it's just one of those things that it's hard to tell what's doing what. Like I always don't feel great so it's hard to decide what is causing what. At least there is progress.

I spoke to my dad for a little. And then got up for real.

I got washed and dressed and was a little uncomfy. But that was okay. I ended up making myself a quesadilla while I made a batch of cookies. I was having a nice morning.

I cleaned the fish tank and the frog tank more. I did partial water changes on both. The frog tank's substrate could still use some more vacuuming I think but we made great progress. It was a lot of work honestly. Lugging buckets back and forth. But it needed to be done.

I decided I could go for a walk. I want to try to move more and I am going to challenge myself to walk around the block every other day at least. Like I don't know if this is an actual challenge I am giving myself. But it's a goal at least. I think it'll help me feel better in the long run.

I saw Mr Will when I got down there so I went back up and got the cookie box for him. And we chatted for a minute. He was replacing our front door lock because poor Nick got mugged. And they took his keys and so just in case he was replacing the lock. I would see Nick later snd he was all red eyed. I felt terrible. I'm glad he is safe, even if they took his things. It apparently happened at 745 last night. Like right after James went to put the recycling in the back. So it is just really scary.

I had brought a watermelon drink with me on my walk. I had a podcast to listen too. And it was a nice walk. I did get overheated pretty fast and regretted bringing my coat. But I had a nice walk. I walked for about 40 minutes.

And once I got home I laid on the couch because I was very tired.

Me and Sweetp laid together for a while. I was trapped. But once he got up I went and made a late lunch. I baked the fries I got at the store yesterday. And some veggie chicken nuggets. It was an excellent meal.

While I was eating Mr Will knocked on the door. And he had a new key for me. And I would end up holding onto the rest of the keys so that our neighbors could come get them from me. But it ended up not being needed as they were mostly around already. The new key is gold.

I caught up on my knitting and I cannot believe tomorrow is the last day. I am so excited to be done. Tomorrow I will have three lines. The last day and then the month lines. And then it comes off the loom!!! I'm so excited. I can't believe it.

James got home and asked if I wanted to go to the Guinness brewery to hang out with Conner and his wife before they left to go back to St Louis. And I said sure.

But it wasn't for a while. So I could just chill in bed for a bit. And James had a snack. And soon enough I was getting dressed again and fixing my makeup and we were off.

I had never been to the brewery but I'd like to go back and do a tour. It was interesting. I got a sprite. And it was Conner and his wife and siblings and their friends. It was a nice time. Eventually we got a table and we got big pretzels and cheese and some other bar foods. The table was a big large and it was hard to talk to the people on the other side but I enjoyed talking to Conner and I had a good time.

James knocked my water over and got their phone a little wet but it seems fine now. I was mostly just having fun looking around. I wanted to look more but I didn't want to wander.

I do love the Guinness tucan. I thought he was a submarine but I know realize he's balancing two pints. Adorable.

It was a really nice night. Conner and his wife had to go to the airport. So we walked out with them and said goodbye. There were some hugs. It was really nice.

We got home and James was very sore. We had some troubling finding a parking space but we got home and got up here. I took a shower and James started trying to get cozy.

I washed my hair and now I'm getting ready to go dry it. I hope I don't disturb James. They have fallen asleep. They look so sweet. I love them so very much.

Tomorrow is the last day of the year. I can't believe it!! I am planning on doing a no buy January. I wrote up rules and stuff for myself. So tomorrow I need to get the yarn I need for my next blanket. I'm excited. I am sad Jess isn't here to do it with me but it will be okay. I hope the last day of the year is beautiful. For you all as well.

Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourselves!! Sleep well!!

[nathank77]

8/12/24

10:45 a.m

Last night was the second night in a row where I had to double up on everything for sleeping pills.. it got to 12:35 a.m and I smoked weed cause I was fucking done and I did fall asleep...

I had one red bull in the morning, early, stopped caffeine consumption by 2 p.m. I didn't shower. I just watched TV and masterbated all day.

I mean I was stressed and am stressed about money but I dont understand. Do I have to go out every single day and sweat my ass off in the car just to fall asleep at night?

Tonight will be an all nighter assuming I can't sleep on the original dose of everything. I'll smoke weed only right before bed... then when the second dose would be coming assuming I don't fall asleep, I'll take everything except the xanax. I'll smoke more weed and if I'm not sleeping by 1 a.m I'm going to be a miserable sack of shit cause I'm going to keep myself awake until 8 p.m and then take the original dose and fall asleep... I'm not raising my tolerance. I'll take two nights of it but 3 nights are never going to be a thing.

I'm starting to think i have to leave the house or go in the attic everyday in order to sleep easily... it's fucking stupid bc I used to game all day everyday and only go shopping or run errands when I had to. Drink red Bulls, and eat whatever and fall asleep like a baby on my circadian rhythm. Then psychosis happened to me and everything changed.

Idk if it was the weed or the Xanax that finally knocked me out.

Tonight I'm 1000% smoking right before bed..... cause it does fucking help. At 12:35 a.m I had had the second doses all in me for a hour and I smoked weed I was gone in like 15 minutes.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I have appointments and shit both days. Dentist and bloodwork tomorrow, t shot and grocery shopping Wednesday so in theory I'll fall asleep bc I will be outside sweating in my hot box of a fucking car.

I want to go out now, go to bjs and cvs, I want to do my bloodwork, just to try fall asleep easily... but I already showered bc I didn't Saturday or Sunday cause I wanted a relaxing very low ocd weekend.....

And I don't fucking want to sweat, my car is a fucking hot box with the window sealed shut and the air conditioner hardly working. I already have to be sealed in the hot box tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday for new Hampshire....

I don't fucking want to sweat in the car just to almost ensure that I will fall asleep. I just want the weather to go to 40 degrees so my car isn't a torture chamber anymore and going out isn't horrible.

The weather is nice.... too bad my car will be 20 to 30 degrees hotter. It's fucking disgusting and makes me feel sick being sealed in without being able to open a window and then I step outside and it's 30 degrees cooler even on the 90 degree days!!!

There is a reason I've been being a homebody I'm sick of getting nasous sitting in my hot box. I just want the weather to go to 50-60 degrees the warmest so I can be comfortable again.

I can't afford an ac in my car. I can't afford a fucking motor in my windows. That's never happening, it's a luxury. So every summer I will melt and aviod going out more than once or twice a week.

Anyways I'm fucking pissed cause if my car wasn't a hot box I'd just run a few errands and I'm sure it would help me fall asleep easily tonight.

I'd rather not use weed but I mean I'd rather not have to pull an all nighter.

I'm not raising my tolerance. I refuse. If I don't sleep tonight, I'll sleep tomorrow it's whatever. If I don't sleep either nights I'll jump off a bridge.

I honestly just want to kill myself. I'm not allowed to drink red bull. Smoke weed. I'm not allowed to game. I'm not allowed to do anything if I want to sleep easily. Appearantly I have melt outside or in the attic and be fucking miserable and I can't have any enjoyment or relaxation.

I hate to say it but I'm a fucking homebody and I like relaxing and I don't want to fucking go out especially not in my fucking hot box.

So yea I'm anxious. I won't be raising my tolerance but if I can't sleep I guess I'm pulling an all nighter. And if I can't sleep the next night I'm committing suicide.

It's chill though I know my days are numbered and my quality of life will always be a zero. I can't even fix my ac in my car. I got to melt and I'm not getting a new bed. I can't even afford it on the new credit line, I'm too poor. Counting items in my house trying to control how much I buy and cutting things out.

I'm really done with being Alive. I obv have therapy twice today.... and that's stupid and then I won't have it any other days this week cause my life sucks and no one wants to work with me..

I'm sick of struggling to sleep. I'm sick of all of the things I enjoy being taken away from me bc the POS brain damaged mangled mess of neurons I have up in my brain isn't capable of sleeping easily if God forbid I enjoy a day with 1 red bull and I game or I watch TV.

Instead I must sweat in my hot box if I am to sleep.

I can't wait until it's black nothingness. This hallucination won't ever go away and life isn't worth living.

[reducingpollutionbytrang]

7/30/2024: Methane pollution expert said to drink less cow's milk and eat less beef to reduce 2nd most pollution on the planet. I take calcium and vitamin D-13 supplement pills while using more oat milk ,and I eat more turkey meat for hamburgers and spaghetti sauce. I save the cow milk and beef for special occasions.

---

Milk for infants in America: if I had a white, black, Latino,Jewish, Muslim baby in America, I would feed it with 65% cow milk and the rest oak milk for white children and all children in America are getting too thick in their bones. The cows complain to me saying ,"Hey Trang, how come be get treated as meat when the Americans are getting as thick as us and even thicker.". You are what you eat and perhaps Americans are too rich with cow milk so drinking too much cow milke makes you look like cows. If I had an Asian baby in America or Vietnam or a native American (red skin), and Islander baby,I would feed it with 40% cow milk and the rest soy milk. Vietnamese babies in Vietnam are getting too thick, too. Even the cows in Vietnam are complaining to me that they want equal rights next to the Vietnamese people who are as ticked as them and even thicker from drinking too much cow milk.

-------

"Humans are supposed to be slender," said Trang at 51.25 years old. I am still a little fat with saggy areas but as a middle-aged person this is perfect for a little fat serves as a cushion for the old wrinkles. I learn I life, you can't have everything to avoid being slammed in the mental institution, forced to take pills, depression, and even suicide.

[seekinginnerwisdom]

I am an older female INFP and I first took the test as a teen and have consistently gotten the same results, regardless of website or version of test. And I was always kinda secretly proud to be one because my mom was struggling with my teen sister's bipolar/hormone powered rage and my dad, I think, was one of us too. He was a reserved, weird, sweet, unfocused mess who avoided conflict unless drafted (little war humor, get it from my dad). So I became my mom's confidant which made me feel helpful and special at the time but i now know probably wasnt "healthy".

Fast forward to now and I've earned a number of invisible "survivor of *insert trauma*" medals for myself. And just recently earned myself a small one for "surviving break up with first boyfriend after divorce" Its doesnt have a catchy title and I dont know how I they fit all the words on such a small surface but I'm proud of my small accomplishment. 13 years married, 6 years single, 2.5 years with him...alone again.

Shouldn't I be devastated longer than a week? He did it really poorly, too. Asked for a break a week before which took me by surprise, then 4 days later he told me he loved me and didnt want to break up but still needed time to figure things out, a few days later and its I want to be your friend but nothing more.

It was a back and forth conversation and he's telling me he's not attracted to me anymore and quickly adds "it's not because of the weight" (to clarify I have been struggling with my stomach and have lost 40 lbs which sounds great, unless you weren't overweight before and now I look like a skeleton). When he said that I couldn't help but laugh in that hurt way, where its brevity and pain mixed with a scoff (just me?) And not expecting a reply I rolled my eyes away from him and ask "so it's just me as a person" and there wasnt much hesitation before I hear a soft but steady "yes" behind me. As you can imagine, I didnt respond well to having my entire existence be rejected so i did something he had never seen me do. I yelled at him and kicked him out of my car. Then I tried to go back to work. Yup, he broke up with me in the middle of the work day. I'm sorry this is so long and I even skipped parts.

I left early and took a pill or two more than recommended and just ran away from consciousness as fast as modern medicine could get me there. (I dont post much so I dont know if I need to worry about responses but I took low doses of anti anxiety meds that wouldnt harm me unless i consume the whole bottle. I took 1 mg more than normal. Dont attack me). I got him to be more specific in his choice of break up methods the next week after texting to let him know I wrote a 7 page goodbye letter and how he has come out of this looking like a psychopath.

Is it an INFP thing? When someone hurts me or angers me and I'm trying to speak it's a lot of ums or long pauses. But hand me a pen or a keyboard and fill me will righteous rage...you cant stop me. If I know anything at all about you then you will receive a paragraph like you are reading right now filled with oddly observational criticism, I will hit upon at least one thing your sensitive about and end it all with a guilt trip so strong only the Catholically trained can weather it well.

I think he was afraid of the letter because he had been receiving the texts but not replying. He responded pretty quickly after that. After days of contradicting actions, trains of thought that burst into flames as it derailed and red string theory memes he finally told me that his decision to take a break, reassure me and then dump me in such an abrupt manner on a workday, twice btw, was because he really hadn't thought about it...

Now this is going to sound strange but I am so glad my exhusband had been abusive because it taught me control. Otherwise I would have hit him. Who does that?! Im 99% sure he wasnt lying because he's a blunt INTJ and he explained his incomprehensible thought process earlier and I've had previous experience with his type of obliviousness. He really didnt mean to hurt me, he doesnt have any social circle to speak of so when planned this whole thing his feedback was a crowd of 1.

But I saved the best for last. He appears to genuinely like me and really doesnt want to lose me. He wants to be friends...and my dumb ass said yes. With a caveat that the second he starts dating I'm out. I dont do lover to friends. I'm possessive and wont share. So as long as he stays single I'll be his friend. I know I'm dumb. I know I'm just going to be hurt by another display of thoughtlessness from him. But except for the week of hell I've been truly happy with him until I got sick. He's a jerk. I deserve better. But did you know, that INFP can be shallow too. I didnt until i met him. He is so pretty (in my eyes, he is definitely not to everyone's taste) and 7 years younger and he picked me 2.5 years ago. I am not pretty. Hard marriage, lifetime of depression, rather read another chapter than apply a layer of makeup, etc. but he eavesdrop me talking to my work friend and liked what he heard and asked me out.

God I'm dumb. Wow. I'm so sorry. It just happened today and I needed to let it out and when it started I tried another forum to get perspective from similar wired people as my boyfriend so I could do whatever was best for him and some responses were productive and informative if a tad blunt. One or two tried with all their might to be kind and I love them for that. The rest can burn in hell. I know I'm what people consider an "unhealthy" version of my type but I've just been considering myself a survival INFP. I think we all get broken a lot thanks to our inner compass. And when we build ourselves back up again our structure gains or loses new aspects. My corners are sharper, and someone broke my glasses so things arent clear all the time and when my belief in human goodness broke off I wasnt able to find all the pieces but it's still there. I'm still here. And now I will shut up. Sorry again. Still gonna post it though! :p

[ladyscroogeblr]

Grateful for this!

After Christmas I saw my endocrinologist . Got good news! I'm not pre diabetic Anymore! No more checking my blood sugar anymore, too! Don't have to a endocrinologist every 6 moths, either! Very happy! Unfortunately I had blood tests done a week earlier. Everything was fine expect My liver. Turns out the acid reflux pills I was using clause something called bilirubin. It has to do with my liver producing red blood cells. I am trying v to understand this problem more but its not easy because of all the medical mambo jumbo. I do know I can get jauntance . if I do, I'll see my premium doctor. With the bilirubin I bet it is affecting my emotions. From the inside along with some gas problems. I get depressed from time to and get anxiety attacks. Most of it is physical. I did go through stages, when I have anxiety, where I can't get Chris Hemsworth and his wife Elsa Pataky out of my head! I know I have no control of them or anything that doesn't concern me. I keep hoping this will stop someday and so will my hot flashes which bother me from time to time! I do know, thanks to Instagram, Chris and Elsa celebrated Christmas at home with some of Elsa's family, Chris's parents, Luke and his family and with mom and dad. No Liam and Gabby. I've seen Chris,Elsa and their kids skiing and snowboarding somewhere very snowy. Some if Elsa's family went with them along with Margot Damon and his family. Weird seeing Matt snowboarding and finding out he's in his early 50's! Chris and Elsa have never said the exact date they got married. The've said around Christmas and they only dated two months before getting married. I do know it's 13 yrs. Don't know if they really celebrate anniversaries! Anyway they look like they are doing good. Luke and his wife Samantha celebrated 16 yes in December. I know their parents have been married over 40 yrs. Keep wondering if Liam and Gabby ever will! Needed to get that off my chest! Need to get back to work!

[misssolitudesmusicblog]

My Music for February 2023

Dear Tumblr,

Roses are red, vinyl records are black and did Lana Del Rey just say fuck Valentine’s day and fuck all these men, this is the experience of being an American Whore on her new track? I’m loving it and here for it. Anyways, here is Miss Solitude hoping your February was divine. With February being the shortest month of the year I didn’t think I would have so many songs to cover with my audience here nevertheless the music that dropped was just incredible. I’m looking forward to seeing some of these artists this year perform at concerts and festivals I will be attending this year.  I’m really looking forward to Kali Uchis and Lana Del Rey’s new album coming out this March. I have already pre-order Lana’s new album on vinyl record and look forward to that being the 1st record of 2023 added to the collection unless I ever get The Movements “Feel Something” album that I ordered back in November of 2022 from Merch Bar…so annoying that I have not received my vinyl record yet. But anyways here is the link for February’s music on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2q8wAM8gL5qp4cG34nih69?si=c52131c7e8a24ed4

Without further adieu coming in at … 

61. Sculpting With Fire by Atmosphere

60. I Swear That I’ll Change by FIGHT THOSE DEMONS, JAVARIS X, OG REG X

59. Silhouette by Thrice

58. Under A Killing Moon by Thrice, Sam Carter

57. Cold Cash And Colder Hearts by Thrice

56. High Hopes by Sweet Pill

55. Cut by Sweet Pill

54. Fool by Aislinn Davis

53. Head Case by Island of Love

52. 3am by Skrillex, Prentiss, Anthony Green

51. Tormenta by Gorillaz, Bad Bunny

50. Gato de Noche by Nengo Flow, Bad Bunny

49. Otro Atardecer by Bad Bunny, The Marias

48. Get Together by Louis The Child, Duckwrth

47. What The World Needs Now by Cat Power

46. Sabor A Mi by El Chicano

45. New Song by Alice Phoebe Lou

44. Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse

43. Who I Am Without You by Aislinn Davis

42. Voicemail by Aimee Vant

41. Ring by Cardi B, Kehlani

40. What You Did  by Mahalia, Ella Mai

39. Mala Excusa by Nina Cobham

38. Ghosting by Biig Piig

37. Solita by Kali Uchis

36. Same Ol’ Mistakes by Rihanna

35. Moonlight Kali Uchis

34. More Than A Woman by Aaliyah 

33. Cupid by Alexandra Savior

32. Distance by Israel's Arcade

31. SPIT IN MY FACE! By ThxSoMch

30. Ball w/o you by 21 Savage

29. Neva by Megan Thee Stallion

28. TQG by KAROL G, Skakira

27. my.life by J.Cole, 21 Savage, Morray

26. Some things Cosmic by Angel Olsen

25. Tears of Change by Turnover

24. Dizzy On The Comedown by Turnover

23. About You by The 1975

22. This Body of Mine by Franci

21. Truth Faith by Lotte Kestner

20. It’s Not My Fault by Princess Nokia

19. My Flowers by Tkay Maidza

18. Special by Lizzo, SZA

17. Gods & Monsters by Lana Del Rey

16. Babygirl by Anthony Green

15. Strange Froot by TOKiMONSTA, Ambre

14. Capital Karma by Manchester Orchestra

13. Breathe (In the Air) by Pink Floyd

12. Talk to Her by The Marias

11. Kill Bill by SZA

10. I’m a Firefighter by Cigarettes After Sex

9. Tulsa Jesus Freak by Lana Del Rey

8. Flowers by Miley Cyrus

7. The Archer by Alexandria Savior

6. MTT 420 RR by IDLES

5. Bones by greek

4. Naked by Louis Culture

3. Space Ghost by BOYO

2. Lucky Girl by Carlina

1. A&W by Lana Del Rey

Thank you to my reader and listener out there for stopping by on my music blog. I hope that the music that comes across your daily life brings a smile to your face and makes life that much richer. Like Lana Del Rey’s new song says; “It’s not about having someone to love me anymore This is the experience of being an American whore”

Yours Truly,

Miss Solitude

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

5th fe bru ar y 2023 4:43 am pdt Sunday ☀️

I typed more on the last post but the save button grayed out, so it’s not getting up. Demon lord is making it impossible 2 write more on my aunt & cousin. Looks like I’m getting eczema again in my left hand. Have diarrhea again , difficulty breathing again. Incubus made the little bedroom 🛌 air feel toxic bcz he’s trying 2 kill me 4 trying to be less noisy so my mom can sleep without my coughing waking her up. My aunt didn’t want to give this room back to me when I asked if I should stay in the bedroom bcz my coughing is keeping up my mom even though they had been sleeping @ the same time. 4:48 am pdt

4:49 am pdt a lot of shot got screwed up. I think my aunt & cousin are incubus slaves? Or willing worshippers? Can’t tell. It’s hard. How can you worship someone who hurts you? 4:51 am pdt

5:31 am pdt difficulty breathing & heavy bleeding 🩸

5:32 am pdt I 5:34 am pdt I think incubus wants me to get shot down like a “Wendy bird” tinker bell 🔔 cannot trust her. 5:35 am pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ nick carter. I liked Backstreet Boys, but when I was a kid I thought Brian was the cute one. Now, I don’t trust nick carter. 5:37 am pdt I also thought Justin Timberlake was cute. I once had a dream that he rejected me bcz I was short like an elf was it? Mini... I think they are shrinking my mom, too 😭 5:40 am pdt ≈2000 years ago they thought Jesus was perfect? Idea of perfect person existed back then? But sacrificed at ≈33 years old. 5:42 am pdt 5:43 am pdt

6:42 am pdt my ex bf b4 he was my BF asked me if I was being myself. I felt like I lied to him. I thought I lied to him. I said yes. Difficult 2 know when nothing is real? Stuck in the matrix. Red pill 💊 blues. When I transferred to university I told a school 🏫 mate I had difficulty being myself. She told me she thought she liked me anyways & that I was the nice kind of crazy. 6:46 am pdt

6:47 am pdt a step in the right direction? Still having pain nausea heavy bleeding 🩸 & the air bugs me again. Incubus released poison ☠️ into the air. Poison ☠️ control number is 222? 6:49 am pdt if written 2 like a, & mirrored 🪞 it looks 👀 like 666? 6:50 am pdt dr. Jeckyl? Spelling. 6:50 am pdt

6:53 am pdt different girls same song 🎵 serenading. In 2020 when I was trying 2 move on from incubus & was texting 💬 a man I met b4 years ago at college, my mom turns on the radio 📻 to the station Alice? & not long after m5’s nobody’s love 💕 comes on. He’s toying 🧸 w/me. It had been more than or about a year I think 🤔? Since I checked on the incubus? Stroh news 📰 comes out & vids of her playing beautiful mistakes & wearing probably a large locket necklace. 6:58 am pdt he writes his own songs??? Or pay 💰 his own Shakespeare 2 write ✍️ sonnets = poems meant 2 convince women 2 have s*x with his clients/ (back is burning 🔥 coughing difficulty breathing. Had diarrhea essentially @ 6:17 am pdt) 4got the word commission pops n2 head I think 🤔 that’s the word. 7:02 am pdt Scott did choose 2 insert himself w/o condom w/o permission from me verbally & I did not nod my head & I also yelled out immediately when he started that we shouldn’t be doing that/this. Other guys at least respect that part. I think 🤔 maybe he is too used to getting what he wants? 7:05 am pdt after that, it was easy for him to stop talking to me/calling me. 7:06 am pdt

7:12 am pdt Instagram

/p/CVjNom9swac/

Sumner stroh’s ig October 2021 post 7:17 am pdt

7:22 am pdt pain all around rib cage bone breaking now feels tight as if rib cage is a corset around my lungs 🫁... kagome... bird cage... incubus did this to me 2019. 😵😞😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 not nice. 7:24 am pdt incubus is extremely unkind to me. 7:25 am pdt every time I think I don’t have a husband, he hurts my ribs. 7:26 am pdt incubus is the worst husband in the universe. 7:27 am pdt incubus is the monster 👹 that lives in my dreams. 7:27 am pdt 🎶🎼🎵🎸

8:58 am pdt there was a (cramps feels like period or diarrhea while having a lot of rib cage area pain more gurgle more heat 😖😭😖😭😖😭😖😖😖😖😖😭😭😭😭 8:59 am pdt) an attractive young man working at the grocery store 🏬 & I think 🤔 he was maybe interested in me too. But, I felt like I maybe would lose control around him & I think I was also mayb shy around him. Bcz I was afraid & felt I could not trust myself around him , I tried to stay away from him. Bcz I was also shy a coworker misinterpreted/assumed the way I felt about him Bcz I maybe I didn’t say much to him so she shunned me. It was hard to put up 🆙 w/ being treated that way when I was trying to keep out if trouble due to boundary? Issues when dating men I was attracted to. Also when I took accounting 🧾 class a young man showed interest in me once, he was probably too young for me but I also 9:07 am pdt toilet 🚽

6 fe bru ar y 2023 Moon 🌙 day lunes getsuyoubi

9:35 am pdt I have never 👎 cut off anyone’s legs 🦵 that I can recall ⚖️🐍🦎🐊♎️🎹 9:36 am pdt 🗽👀👁👁9:38 am pdt 🧜‍♀️🧜‍♂️🧜9:41 am pdt ☯️9:44 am pdt

10:01 am pdt b4 2006, I was a little clumsy, & my hips would collide w/door knobs & sharp corners of kitchen counter tops? I have weird memories of doing that a lot it hurt a lot. 10:03 am pdt I guess it was prepaid karma bcz I don’t remember doing that to anyone b4 that happened to me. 10:04 am pdt I didn’t hang out w/many people either b4 then. 10:05 am pdt

I 10:25 am pdt when I lived in blossom hill, & I think I felt that Nick & “Brendan” had moved on, in an attempt to be cool 😎 I jumped off a few steps above ground from the stairs a few times. Each time I did it I felt my legs 🦵 hurt a lot. I think it shortened my legs 🦵. I don’t think I ever did that to anyone either. 10:30 🕥 am pdt

6:40 pm pdt I think 🤔 the incubus is against me bcz I embarrassed Nicolatian Nick. On MySpace years after high school 🏫 graduation 👩‍🎓 I found his account & he had changed his name to “nickolai” on it. I think 🤔 I embarrassed him Bcz I told a person & then it probably spread from there. I don’t have friends anymore. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ much bcz rarely anyone tells me anything but I thought I overheard something 2 make me believe that bcz my friend that I told did not tell me anything. One of his friends afterwards did treat me in a sorta not respectful way thinking back on it. I had started to like one of his friends & we flirted senior year, but he didn’t consider dating me, he instead went for a sophomore or freshman, & I heard he slept 🛌 w/ one of my friends. 6:50 pm pdt I felt guilty flirting w/him after she told me but whatever what is there to do. We never kissed. We touched each other’s hands 🙌 & he tickled my knees & he flipped my hair on a dare it seemed. 6:54 pm pdt (7:14 pm pdt even though we didn’t go that far , it felt sexually charged to me... I don’t know if he felt that way about the way we touched each other, but it was enough to trigger feelings of guilt when I thought 💭 about my friend 7:16 pm pdt) Nick wanted me to come to his workplace, on the opposite side of town, opposite direction of school 🏫, but I guess it wasn’t that far. 6:55 pm pdt he described he wanted me in the back room & he wanted to finger me. & then he asked me if I could come the upcoming weekend. I m guessing he probably would have taken it further if I chose to meet him there. Coincidentally I had to go to my dad’s place that weekend so I told him that. & then he didn’t ask again. It was the first time probably that I mentioned my dad bcz I don’t recall him having any curiosity to ask me anything personal. I wonder 💭 if it scared him that I had a dad? I wonder if he somehow knew things about me without asking... maybe 🤔 he had access to someone? Bcz it was weird, once I stepped away from the place I usually ate lunch at school 🏫, heart ♥️ pain 7:23 pmpdt, & it was the same place as his locker, & when I came back someone said he came by to his locker. Makes me think 🤔 that maybe 🤔 he’s psychic? Or he had lackeys. 🙇🙇🙇🙇. Why would a high school 🏫 student have lackeys? He rich 🤑 & powerful & I didn’t know any better? I guess that’s why he didn’t want to date me but use me like a prostitute. 7:26 pm pdt he dated someone named Chelsea in middle school 🏫 & I heard randomly that she did a blowjob on him the summer btwn 8th & 9th grade & I didn’t even talk to him until freshman year English class. But we rarely said a word to each other; I was shy & didn’t know much to say. This Chelsea I heard is the niece of a famous band from Bay Area. 7:30 🕢 pmpdt incubus is warning me I’m going to die or get destroyed if mention his work place. So I guess I’m not allowed 🚫 to say much. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ much about nicolatian but if involves treating women like playing cards & prostitutes I’m not sure 🤔 if I’d want to be married to a guy like that. Is that what swinging is? Hoshi = star ⭐️ nihongo. There’s a Mika nakashima song 🎵 I don’t know enough Japanese to know every word in the 🎵 song 🎶. Jordi? 7:36 pm pdt

7:50 pmpdt Nick’s mom I think 🤔 probably divorced Nick’s dad, remarried a Filipino man 👨, & Nick took his last name. His father’s... autocorrect says “name death cousin” so I guess I’m being threatened by the incubus. Cousin in the hotel 🏨? The one you told to that I have bad vibes? Why would anything I write ✍️ affect her now? Does Nick have lackeys at her current hotel 🏨 in the Bay Area & they are assassins? 7:55 pmpdt

8:12 pmpdt incubus is burning 🥵 me up 🆙 again I might as well be walking 🚶🏿‍♀️ on the sun ☀️ 🎵

[nathank77]

8/8/24

7:40 p.m

So I'm just going with this, it isn't 8 p.m on the 8th cause then I'll wait around and get even more depressed.

She abandoned me I got to cope before bed time cause I'm taking my pills at 9 p.m.

And tbh despite me wanting to comfort myself and saying it was 8 p.m on the 8th, I'd never say yes to that time. I didn't even want to say yes to 7 p.m bc of my circadian rhythm.... I had a weekly with Mike at 7 p.m and I moved it bc it was too late I was just trying to work with her.....

But if she said 8 I would have said no. She said 8 p.m Saturday.... good thing I said no to that... bc then I wouldn't have drank red bull and played games this Saturday and I would have been even more depressed than I am now....

The ramifications of this besides for the obv which is I'm done reaching out to therapists and opening up to new ones is, I was going to watch a movie with my mom and I didn't bc she was finishing one of her movies and it was done at like 5 p.m and I didn't have enough time to watch a hour and 30 minute movie bc if we needed to pee or get water or anything we would have to stop the movie for the session..

I should have known, some random 2 week vacation after the first time we met over web cam... yup usually they don't hodini it but I mean I brought up the it's not a good fit speech cause I was basically trying to tell her not to abandon me bc it's traumatizing...

So she chose the hodini method.