#not even necessarily mutuals just blogs that you used to see pop on the dash every now and again

[fly-sky-high-09]

You ever go "man i haven't seen [blog name] post in awhile I hope life is being kind to them"

[iamanartichoke]

I am posting this mostly to get it off my chest, and I'll probably regret it, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think the biggest problem I have with Fandom Wank(tm) in regards to positivity or negativity, is what bothers me has literally nothing to do with whether one's positivity/negativity will turn out to be right.

last night I followed a couple of posts and went down a rabbit hole of "series negativity" bashers' posts, bc apparently I hate myself and do not wish to be in a good mental space right now, and the common thread I noticed is that those who are overwhelmingly positive and take issue with criticism seem to be doing so bc they see their own versions of Loki being portrayed on-screen, either as how they've interpreted him as a character in generral or as how they've written him in fics. And not only are they fiercely protective of those versions but they also get validation from the confirmation that their Loki is The Right Loki(tm). Criticism takes the on-screen portrayal (and, subsequently, their own personal versions of The Right Loki(tm)) and says, uh, I can't actually see Loki doing this? I think this is ooc? I think Loki as portrayed here is not consistent with previous portrayals? -

- and suddenly you've got this rabid backlash on your hands where it becomes 'omg stop being toxic,' 'your headcanon is not canon' (look in the mirror), 'this is tom's loki so it's accurate,' 'i see no difference whatsoever in characterization y'all're just deluded and have invented a loki that never existed' (tf????), etc.

And I can't help but conclude that the backlash against criticism/negativity has nothing to do with the criticism itself; it's more to do with the undermining of someone else's validation in how they view this character.

This is purely speculation. There's some mental gymnastics here, admittedly. I could be way off base and I realize that I risk my post being shared and misconstrued and mocked by even posting it publicly. But the only reason I'm writing this - and thus getting it off my chest after my spiral down the rabbit hole - is bc from my point of view, I didn't feel like my experience in enjoying this tv show was being threatened until the discourse backlash over the negativity started spilling onto my dash. Not the negativity itself; the actual discourse. (And, look, there's a lot of negativity that's been posted that I don't agree with whatsoever, and there's other negativity that I may agree with but don't agree that it's an issue, or - my point is, this isn't bc I don't have conflict with the actual arguments themselves.)

Full disclosure: for the first three weeks, I was more positive than not regarding the show. (I think I still am.) I posted about what I liked but I also posted about what I felt was ooc and about the elements I liked less. A lot of my mutuals are not thrilled (to say the least) with the show, so there was already a ton of negativity on my dash and I personally went through a few minor meltdowns on whether or not I was on the right page with my enjoyment when so many others (whose opinions I trust and whose versions of Loki [that I've read] in fic ring true to me) were not sharing that enjoyment.

I did/have been talking it out with friends who feel similarly and I've more or less come to terms with being in the middle. And in the meantime, when I felt like the negativity was not something I wanted to be cognizant of, I skipped those posts entirely. Doing these things allowed me to come to terms with where I was standing regarding my overall feelings on the series, and overall enjoyment with my fandom experience.

And then, mostly after episode 3 (which seems to be the most divisive so far), discourse started popping up on my dash more and more. I'm defining discourse, in this context, as 'wank regarding whether or not Loki is actually ooc, wank over people who enjoy the show not wanting to see the negativity, wanky posts asking people who are critical to reserve judgement until the show has finished airing (but praise is fine)' -

- and suddenly, I feel much more self-conscious about posting my takes. Suddenly I feel much more anxiety about hitting the "post" button when said post is more critical than not. Suddenly I am worried about who, exactly and actually, is reading my posts? Who is going to decide to paraphrase my takes and include them in a 'guess what they're complaining about NOW' post? Who is going to decide to pass around a post I've made only to mock it, as has happened to some of my friends already?

Over the past three days, I have gotten 30+ new followers, and instead of feeling good about it - hey, some of these may be porn bots but still, people are interested in my blog?! - I feel just increasing anxiety about it bc, I mean, I don't know who anyone is or what they're here for.

I do not feel secure in the current fandom environment, is what I'm saying, and the reason I do not feel secure is not because of the negativity; it's because of the wank coming from the people who post about the negativity and mock the negativity and call other fans deluded stans who have a shitty grasp on characterization, story telling, and Loki in general. It's Ragnarok bullshit all over again, only worse.

And this circles me back to my original point, which is that the anxiety and the wank/discourse and whatever else really has nothing to do with the on-screen portrayal of Loki.

For me, personally? It took me awhile to realize it, admittedly, but I did realize that I do not care if what I perceive as ooc actually isn't. I do not care if the final product of Loki - once the entire series has aired - is a different Loki than what I've written and perceived as "my" Loki all this time. It's not going to make me feel like less of a fan or less valid; it's just going to make me feel like I have a perception of Loki that may differ in some ways with "canon Loki" but is still similar enough that I will continue to enjoy engaging with him and writing meta about him and writing fic about him and sharing those things with people who view Loki similarly. Likewise, I am not going to feel less valid as a writer and a critical thinker; it doesn't make me feel like I have anything to prove.

So if the root of the wank is coming down to the negativity making you feel less valid or less vindicated bc "your" Loki matches the show but is being called ooc by a lot of other fans, like, maybe take a step back and consider not taking it personally? Maybe really think about why the fact that negativity exists bothers you so much? Bc I mean, at the end of the day, it's not like Tom Hiddleston himself is going to descend from the clouds with a choir of angels singing and acknowledge any one of us as The One True Fan Who Has The Best Interpretation Ever of Loki. So what actual difference does it make if (we agree or disagree that) he's ooc or not?

Ultimately I'm just saying, there is definitely wank that is ruining the fandom atmosphere and the show in general, and it's not coming from those who are posting their negativity and criticism of the source material.

*Disclaimer that this is how I am perceiving and interpreting things today and possibly in general, but I'm not necessarily saying that my perception is factual to what is actually happening. I don't know what is happening. This is the guess that I've come up with in order to reconcile the fandom discomfort I feel, discomfort which is ruining the show for me, and where it's all coming from.

** Second disclaimer that I have unfollowed those who were participating in the wank, if I was following them in the first place, to the point that it made me uncomfortable, and obviously this post doesn't apply to everyone bc there is a certain amount of just being tired of it that I understand, so if we're mutuals, this doesn't apply to you regardless of where you stand on the wank.

*** Third disclaimer that said fandom environment is what makes me feel like I have to add disclaimers on every fucking thing I say, partly bc people read what they want to read and partly bc I have very debilitating anxiety regarding being misunderstood.

[bigskydreaming]

Sometimes I want to follow you but then I dee that you reblog from people who have terrible misinformed/ ignorant borderline xenophobic opinions about certain things I like and they enjoy dragging the things I like.. Then I end up not following you. Even if I block some of them they'll end up on my tl and who knows maybe you have the same/ similar opinions. So yes I love your metas, but sorry I can't bring myself to follow. This has nothing to do with your existing fandoms or "dark" fics.

Okay?

Sfjskgsgksjsi

Sorry I just really don’t know what to do with this? I’m not like, mad about it lol since this is how tumblr is supposed to work I’m pretty sure, like hey it’s cool you like my metas but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gonna like me The Person and if someone doesn’t like me then why the fuck would they follow me y’know?

In case this is about my posts yesterday about me being annoyed when people like block me but still wanna use my shit, it’s like....yeah that does legit annoy me because I think that’s dumb and I don’t get it. When I don’t like someone I don’t usually WANT to use or peruse content they create because it’s associated with them and I already decided they weren’t someone I care to associate with sooooo.....

But also, that was literally just me saying hey this annoys me. That’s it, that’s the whole scoop. Annoying things are annoying but expressing that isn’t like.....it doesn’t mean I’m going to DO anything about it or even that there’s anything TO do about it, it’s more just haha hey I too am a Person and I am disorderly and my fandom blog doubles as my main blog so here I am having Feelings, let me show you them, RAWR dinosaur emoji????

Idk maybe it’s that it’s 4 am and my brain hasn’t even rebooted enough for me to even figure out why the fuck I’m even awake, lol, but I guess what I’m saying is it sounds like you’ve made an A+ decision for yourself here? I have no idea what mutuals I reblog from that have views you see as xenophobic, without you, like, actually saying what views those are so I can confirm where I stand on them or sit or whatever. But I can tell you that I don’t follow a lot of people period and my mutuals list is pretty short and basically consists of individuals I’ve met on here that I would absolutely go the fuck to bat for, any time, any place, simply because I think they’re super cool people across the board and that’s what you do for super cool people: baseball as an analogy for friendship I guess? I never did get that particular analogy tbh. Or baseball.

Sooooooo tbh I’m like, not the guy to be all that mad that someone doesn’t like me, it’s kinda like lol this is a neat convo I’m just not sure why we’re having it, but what I’m far less keen on is like, just any kinda slight against my mutuals aka friends and friend type people at all.....especially when that doesn’t actually include what it is someone specifically has a problem with cuz Vague Wording is Vague, and when like I said, my inclination is to go to bat for my mutuals, I would kinda like to know what it is I should be swinging at in their defense. Just general FYI for anyone reading this or like future reference or whatever.

(Unless this is about Palestine again slash still, in which case I mean, I already said what I said there and what I said was What We’re Not Gonna Do is make this topic White Guy Sitting Ten Thousand Miles Away From the Gaza Strip Discourse Hour, and the one thing I always am is consistent aka stubborn aka....eh, you get it).

But anyway, my vaguely Point shaped thing here is just that, I am not a pod person or an invertebrate and my opinions are my own and I do not mindlessly agree with things others say even if it is a mutual or friend saying it, but that said, my mutuals are people I am more likely to agree with than not. So absent knowing specifically what posts of theirs concern you as to whether or not I agree with them, all I can really say is if you’re that bothered by some of their opinions in general then yeah, you’re probably best off avoiding me as well in order to keep your dash a place you’re comfortable with, regardless of how you feel about my fandom meta outside of those posts/opinions. Cuz there really is no outside as far as I see it; my fandom meta is me as is my decision as to who I reblog from and associate with as are my opinions and stances on non fandom matters. It’s all just the same me, one network, many shows, but if any of those shows are the equivalent of Fox News in your eyes, then yeah, for sure, screw that one show that has the one guy you really like and just change the channel and find one that’s a better match for you.

It’s allllllll good.

And for the record, if it’s ultimately more just that they bash things you like and seeing that randomly pop up on your dash might bum you out enough that it’s worth it not to follow me just to be safe there, like, that’s totally understandable and nothing to be sorry about. We all do it. There’s a metric fuckton of people in Batfandom that I probably WOULD follow or read or interact with if it weren’t for the fact that I see them talk and joke and reblog a lot with Big Name Batcest shippers and the like, and I mean, lol hey I’m an incest survivor who hates incest with a passion few will ever understand and seeing it pop up on my dash in posts that talk or laugh about it as something fluffy or sweet or harmless would bum me super hard. So it’s like welp, in every other respect it looks like me and this one person could sync up brainwaves and make like platonic soulmates through our next several lifetimes buuuuuuut they’ve got incest-fluff in their general sphere and that’s a dealbreaker for me so guess we’ll never know now cuz I’m gonna keep standing firmly over here. *shrugs* Does that kinda feel like a waste or a shame sometimes? Yeah, maybe, but like. Your priorities are what they are and if you’re happy with your priorities, sticking with them is the clear choice and not something anyone should kick themselves for.

I mean, I might happen to think someone’s priorities are wrong and bad but I’m allowed to just like you’re allowed to think the same about mine or my mutuals’? It’s just...when that’s the ultimate issue, people just having wildly in opposition priorities, there’s just like....not a whole lot to say there beyond ‘hey I think your priorities suck,’ ‘no, YOUR priorities suck,’ ‘well I think your FACE sucks,’ ‘how dare you, I got this face from my MOM, you giant bipedal pitstain, have you no shame’ etc etc ad nauseam.

Anyway, I’ve officially exhausted this topic so exhaustively I’ve now made myself exhausted enough to go back to sleep cuz it’s still not even 5 am lol, and this is all just brain vomit now anyway so in conclusion, it’s all whatever dude, you do you, I’ll do me, we’ll always have Paris, and that’s what you missed on Glee.

[sozotohakai]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG.

SPEED: I call myself fickle rather than slow or fast. My speed is fully dependent on my energy, but also what else I might focus on. For all I might be super energized one day, I might choose to focus it elsewhere. The trick with myself is to just not force myself, and chances are, I end up having some form of regularity, as long as nothing else piles up on me. In short, unless things demand more attention or I need to rest more, I do tend to write replies at least once or twice a week, although it’s gotten rarer for me to find the energy to do more than two or three replies at once. So I’m doing replies at least once or twice a week, but depending what inspire me, some threads take longer.

REPLIES: I can do short replies, but it’s very easy for me to develop inner thoughts or details of the environment, especially as technically, there’s three NPC always with Allen: Nea, CC and Timcanpy. I don’t always do it, but often, there’s just logic in writing out what Nea, CC and/or Tim is doing or feeling, as it can affect Allen himself. I also love to leave cues for my partners, like a glimpse of Allen’s left hand or a spike of energy, things can be used, your character seeing or sensing things, or not used. I do tend to match reply too, since what you give me will give a base structure of what I can give you, and sometimes inner stuff just take more words.

STARTERS: I found myself loving to do them. I think it started when, in my efforts to feel more at ease approaching people, I would offer to do starters too, especially as I noticed people often took that offer. There’s a part of me that does like to be able to set things up, and in general, I just feel a love for writing starters, and the fact almost everyone seems to enjoy leaving it to me just keeps this cycle of enjoying it. They’re 99% of the time plotted, as I do admit I don’t really  think of starter calls. I do some opens at time, and tend to make new threads out of replies, so notes remain clean, and people can ask me to make a starter out of the idea if the starter itself doesn’t quite work. But, yes, while I don’t often do starter calls, I enjoy doing starters.

INBOX: I’m just as fickle with inbox stuff as with threads. Some inbox stuff are very easy to reply to, and tend to be replied quickly. But some will be like short thread and so I don’t necessarily have the energy to write my muse to reply to the message. I love memes, but I don’t handle well to see a meme on my blog that never got used, so I tend to remove a reblog if I didn’t get a meme. I’ve tried to leave memes and tag them, in the past, but it’s still a work in progress, to reblog memes and leave them here. This is also a big part because I’m fickle enough with everything, so for me, memes are stuff to have fun on the moment, but a day later? I probably don’t have the energy anymore for it. So it just feels too weird to keep memes up, as I mostly use them as “this is the fun I’m okay doing today!”.

SELECTIVITY: I’m both selective and not? I am open to anyone and everything, but I have preferences, so I can be open but choose to not interact, if I can feel I’m not going to have enough inspiration. I look at people rules and about and the general layout of blog, as well as take a quick look around archive to get a feel of the speed, so I always base myself on both what I feel out of the blog, the mun and the muse. As I say in my guidelines, I use follows to show interest, so if I follow you (first or back), you know I have seen your blog, and decided I could see myself interacting with you. I remain open, meaning that you can still approach me and ask for interaction, no matter the follow/mutual status between us! Sometimes I’m just uncertain rather than not interested, and it can help growing certain.

On another note, I’m currently mostly interested in MDZS, which is very ironic but I don’t think I’m the first person who had their muse not be interested in their canon. It’s partly because DGM rpc has been very quiet, I do happen to love when Allen can interact with canon muses of DGM, but I’m not actively looking for them. Meanwhile, I love so very much throwing Allen into other worlds and having people not realize the mess that will follow him eventually (because sometimes even I forget he’s literally part of the core part of a war with the whole world at stake). And MDZS my other fave fandom, ergo: mostly interested in MDZS interactions.

WISHLIST: I have a wishlist tag, which... isn’t on my tag page. That will be corrected very soon. It’s here in the meantime. But yes, I have general plot ideas, which tend to be in headcanon posts, it’s easy to see some that shows up often, but often as I can see these pop up at some point, I don’t make an actual wish out of those. Still, I’ve made a few posts out of some that really made me go “that’s a fun thing to consider” and there’s maybe more I could grab from my hcs post and make proper wishlist post. In general, you can expect I’m always curious to include Allen’s dreams/nightmares, his Innocence, Nea’s presence, CC, Timcanpy, the Ark, or people he knows from DGM.

HONEST NOTE: I’ve realized I’m not as social as I believed myself to be. I’m open, I love to chat and meet people, I adore my friends, but being social is draining to me, never recharging. Any amount of chatting can be draining to me, of course small things are way easier, but the general thing is that I need energy to interact directly with people, be it face to face or chatting online. So you will easily feel like I’m full of energy when I speak ooc with you, because I am always happy to do so, but at the same time, you’ll easily see me be fickle about ooc interactions. Chances are, I indirectly interact too, with ooc posts and my simple presence by any activity I show. There’s just no going against the natural way your energy drains and recharges, so I’ve grown to make sure everyone who interacts with me are aware that’s a thing with me. That, and the knowledge I write both as hobby and as career, so I’m simultaneously always in potential free time and potential creative time. I’m good at handling myself, I’ll know day to day what I can do or cannot do, and it’s just that others can’t really see it for themselves and can only see when I do something that is visible. I could have a very productive day, and no one knows because it’s all offline stuff. Sometimes you’ll know what I’m doing by seeing updates on my fics or my fic blog; and same thing with my original writings. I can only explain all that, both how my social energy is low and easily drained, and how my creative energy cycles between creating and recharging, and has multiple outlets. And then trust anyone that interacts with me or know me to understand all this and know I’ll be back, be it ooc or ic.

On a final note: I’m very, very bad with remembering how long I’ve talked to someone, or a thread has been replied to. My mind goes from “today” to “yesterday” to “a few days ago” to “days ago” and then just... “it’s been some time”. Today/yesterday feel like “its okay, I still have time” and after that, my mind just goes “ngggh when I can!”. Only thing that helps a bit is notification, as without them, I easily forget who I replied or didn’t reply to. To my mind, either I was the last to say something and so I’m waiting a notification, or I have a notification. Because I barely have energy for socializing, I have next to no energy to notice who I haven’t seen a notification from. Sometimes I get my butt to check on people, but I just... my mind just wants to believe people are doing okay or having their own life, and so especially if I can see them on dash, my brain just does not process who I talk or doesn’t talk to on regular basis. It’s narrowed to the notifications I have, and when I have plot to discuss, or see an ooc post. 99% of the time, if I follow you, I am totally aware of you, and I’ll see any ooc stuff, and mentally wish you the best, but I just... never process how long we have or haven’t been talking.

TAGGED BY: stolen from @shuoshuzhe​

TAGGING: Anyone who wants to!

[ass--sass--sin]

Rules

An Important Note on Triggers:

-  I do not and will not tag for alcohol.  Talon drinks frequently, I’d be tagging every third reply as ‘alcohol tw’.  Sorry, but I’m not doing it.

- Talon has a history of being abused as a child.  it is not uncommon for it to come up, either in brief mention or more detail.  I am awful about tagging this.  If it bothers you, I’d suggest not following me.

Things I will always tag:

blood (as far as images go)

all nsfw, written will always be under a cut and images will be few and far between

pregnancy

Nsfw tag is {jokes on you now i'm horny: nsfw}, all others will be tagged as 'X tw'

- If you need anything else tagged, let me know.

- Please tag body horror for me.  While this is not an actual trigger, it makes me highly uncomfortable and I’d much prefer to not see it pop up on my dash unexpectedly.

Basic Info:

18+ only!  I will not write with those who are underage or do not have their age somewhere on their blog.

Independent rp blog

Selective.  I will not follow if     - You are a personal blog     - You frequently post about social justice or        political topics unrelated to the fandom     - You have frequent non-fandom related posts.  (General ooc I do not           mind.)     - You post fandom drama or vague post     - You post a lot of nsfw images, especially if it’s straight        up porn     - You do not trim your threads     - You do not have a rules and/or an about page

I am mutuals only.

Muse is canon divergent Inquisitor from Dragon Age Inquisition.

Tracking both asssasssin and ass sass sin

Expected Ettiquette:

Note, I expect ALL of my followers to abide by this section specifically, not just roleplay blogs.  By following me, you agree to follow my rules and breaking any of the ones in this following section WILL result in one warning, and further offenses will end in you being blocked.

Do not godmod.  If it’s something small for sake of plot progression, shoot me a message first, I’ll probably be ok with it.  Just check first.

Do not reblog threads you’re not a part of.

As a general rule of thumb, do not reblog personal posts.  If it’s ok to reblog, it will be tagged “ok to reblog”.

Do not reblog my headcanons.

Do not use my icons.  I make all of my own icons, do not steal them.

All originally posted screenshots are mine, feel free to reblog these.

If you wish to turn an ask into a thread, I ask that you move it to a new thread and tag me in it.  This is for my own sanity and so I am much less likely to miss your reply.

I DO NOT DO REBLOG KARMA, AND I DO NOT EXPECT IT.  However I am not a meme blog, so do not treat me like one.  If our only interaction is you reblogging memes from me, I will block you.

While I will only write with mutuals, non mutuals are free to follow, like posts, reblog appropriate posts (see above for what is and isn’t ok), and send asks.

RP Info:

IC =/= OOC.  I cannot stress this enough.  While there’s some things Talon and I agree on, he can be a grade-A asshole, and will say and do downright stupid and hurtful shit at times.  He has his issues, but I won’t excuse his actions because of them.  I’ll happily explain why he does things the way he does, but it does not mean necessarily I agree.

I will write anything from one liners and crack to multiple paragraphs.  While sometimes I’ll drop a novel on you, it’s usually difficult to write replies of that length on a regular basis.  

On that note, do not feel like you need to keep up with my length.  However with the exception of crack and one liners, I’d appreciate getting at least 4-5 lines in a reply.  While sometimes short replies happen and I understand that, I do get frustrated if I’m regularly getting 1-3 line responses when I’m handing you one or two paragraphs.

If you want to rp occurring abuse, you must talk to me about it first.  Otherwise I’ll simply ignore it.

If I accidentally break one of your rules, kindly let me know.  I will always read them before following and interacting, however I am only human and will make mistakes.  I also do not send in passwords as they make me uncomfortable and I do not have one myself.  

THREAD TRACKER In case you want to see what all I’ve got going and if I’ve hit your reply or not.

If we have a thread going, please do not pester me for replies.  If it is in tracker, I have it, I am aware of who’s turn it is, and I will get to it when I can.

I can be a very slow roleplayer.  Sometimes it can take me a month to reply.  If you expect quick turn around, this is not the blog for you.  That said, I am working on shortening my reply time.

I do not participate in chain messages.  If you want to send me them anyways, that’s fine.  I won’t unfollow you or block you (unless you send multiple daily or something), but I won’t post them or forward them.  To me, they seem cheap and insincere.  If I want to spread positivity, I’ll write my own and send them to someone.

If I follow you, I want to interact!  

Smut and Shipping:

Mun is 21+

I will likely be selective on smut.  

Talon is a very sexual and flirtatious muse, who is prone to having one night stands.

Talon is not particularly big on relationships, and any ship that happens is almost certainly going to be a slow burn.

SMUT =/= SHIP.

Do not even ask about insta-shipping, because I will not do it.  However I am almost definitely down to see if the muses will ship given time.

If we do ship, I have a really bad tendency to want to jump around in their timeline once I have a good feel for how they interact with each other.  If this bothers you, let me know.

Contact Info:

Ask and IM are open for all, mutuals or not.  If I don’t respond quickly to an IM, I’m almost certainly either at work or sleeping.  Ooc asks I may take up to (at most) a day or two to reply to.

Discord is available for mutuals only.

If I don't follow you and you want to interact, shoot me a message!  As long as you respect my right to decline I have no issue with this!

Other Blogs:

countyjr:  Brisco County Jr from the similarly titled 90′s tv series

quiisquiliae:  Billy Russo from Marvel/Netflix’s Punisher

blackxhat:  Logan Delos from HBO's Westworld

trips-shitposting:  for when I have a need to make memes

If you’ve made it this far, thank you.

[confessionsofa-roleplayer]

I could use some advice, please. I recently parted ways with an rp partner who broke one of my main rules - they were policing my blog and who I rp with and got nasty with me about my writing with someone who was apparently on their ‘bad’ list.  Which was quite extensive, actually - from the early days of our rp friendship this person had ‘warned’ me against many various muns, many of whom I was mutuals with. I took it with a grain of salt as I like to form my own opinions of muns and their muses as I get to know them. 

Fast forward to the present, so I dared to rp with someone they didn’t like, and they completely bit my head off over it.  Things got heated, and I abruptly ceased communication with the person. I don’t normally do that, I try to hear people out and get their side of things whenever there’s a disagreement, but I didn’t do that this time. I felt they would get defensive with me and try to blame everything on me anyway, given their personality.

In hindsight I realize that I did what I thought was best to protect myself, but I wish I could let go of the guilt I feel over ending things abruptly.  I did so when I was feeling attacked by this person, and honestly very hurt by their attitude and behaviors. I know I probably could have handled the situation better, and I just wish I could move past it.  I don’t feel like I will be able to trust anyone again after this incident.

You should never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you and your health, especially in these circumstances. You did nothing wrong, from what I can tell.

I can definitely understand where people that don’t want their partners to interact with specific individuals for certain reasons come from, particularly if their reasons are especially… “severe”? Basically if the issues involved are of great moral concern – like harassment / doxxing, stalking, underage smutting, guilt tripping, anon hate, that kind of stuff. Not that those kind of reasons are the ONLY valid ones; they’re just the kind that even people who were never involved can look at the situation and understand why anyone would avoid a person who put them through that.

But whether someone’s reason is a ‘catch-all’ like one I listed above, or it’s a more personal issue, people who take exception to their partners interacting with certain individuals need to be aware that their word is not law and even your friends cannot be expected to immediately believe you. Taking what someone says with a grain of salt is very wise, even if that person is a friend, because our perceptions of the truth often get skewed by our relationships with others, and people very often tell the version of a story that paints them in the best light, or someone else in the worst. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re lying; just doesn’t mean they’re telling the whole truth either.

Above all, if this person – or anyone, for that matter – is going to demand you to not interact with someone, they better be prepared to offer proof as to why, beyond just mere opinion and hearsay. It’s fine if they don’t like someone, you weren’t asking them to, and they can block that person’s blog / url if they don’t want to see anything of theirs popping on their dash… but in my opinion they had no right in “biting your head off”. Both given their reaction and that you said you “felt they would get defensive with you and try to blame everything on you anyway,” you are likely better off without this person.

In hindsight I’m sure you could have handled the situation better (“hindsight is always 20/20,” as they say), but so could have they, and it’s due to their escalation of the situation that things got out of hand to begin with. I wouldn’t be so quick as to say you can’t trust anyone after this incident; just be cautious about anyone who tries to “warn” you about others, particularly if they lack any tangible proof. Just consider it a learning experience, and keep it in mind if you encounter a similar situation again in the future.

— mod Sky