#not even gonna lie i dont think ive ever struggled to draw as much as i had during this time

[turtletoria]

one downside to digital mediums of art is that you cant see the tear stains (they just slide down the screen)

[thirdhandidiot]

HELLO LGBTs

DONT YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR A REVOLUTION?

NONE OF THE OBEY ME CHARACTERS ARE CIS BECAUSE I SAID SO, ITS TIME WE START PROJECTING ONTO THEM

•i want to see non binary Satan who couldn’t understand why talking to people was making them angry and started lashing out for seemingly no reason, having to go to Lucifer in a fit of angry tears, desperate for help because it hurts so much, why does it hurt?

•I want to see Beel, who passed so easily, worried his twin would grow to despise him because he never had the same ease transitioning socially, getting called the girly one of the two, always being smaller, weaker next to Beel, and Beel hates it so much, he feels guilty

•I want to see Miku Binder Levi projecting onto fictional characters to avoid thinking about his own problems, wearing baggy clothes and locking himself away, jealous of the other brothers, scared of rejection

•I want gender fluid Asmo, proud of their ability to seemlessly shift between presentations, calling mammon in tears, begging him to come pick her up from this guys house because he’s yelling slurs at asmo, who is sobbing please don’t call me that and they won’t stop

•I want to see the great mammon, who is so confident one day, but the next can’t stand the sight of his body, especially when he shifts and you can see his scars, barley hidden by his jacket, who always feels like his screams are just a little bit too high pitched

•Lucifer, so proud, hurt by memories of before, presenting hyper masc at times, afraid to show any emotions because even though he knows it’s not true, he can’t help but think people will see his as more feminine, and he can’t do that, not again

•I want Belphie, who pretends it doesn’t bother them. ‘Why should I care what some lesser demon thinks of me?’ but is kept awake at night, when everyone else is asleep, no one to help as they spiral in insecurities, their voice echoing in their head, the cruel words twisting, stabbing–

•Lord diavolo, whose parents had been so relieved because ‘that means you can be king– we were so disappointed when you were born female’ and it never sat right with him, even though he’d been lucky enough to transition young

•Maybe even Luke, who only Simeon knows is trans, getting upset when he’s called chihuahua because my voice isn’t that high, is it? But determined to stay closeted and so never being able to tell them why they should stop, and he’s not that small, he’s an average height for boys his age he’s checked, so many times

–But I also want to see sleepovers between the brothers (they agreed it was simpler to keep calling themselves that and that it was better than letting Mammon or Levi pick a new name) where they, just for one night, put aside the bickering and tormenting eachother just to make sure the others are ok, because they all know that they’re struggling in their own ways, and for one night they all sleep in the living room, eating food, watching comfort movies and following whatever self care routine it is that asmo is on currently, everyone gets a face mask, no you can’t opt out lucifer, you’re working too hard again, you’ll get wrinkles and that just won’t do, let us take care of you– and Levi! When was the last time you washed your hair?! That won’t do, come with me, let me do it for you I have these amazing bath salts I just know you’ll love

–I want Diavolo, helping them all transition as quickly and as secretively as possible after he finds out. He wants to be there for them, ever since that night lucifer came out to him, sobbing, pride forgotten because he doesn’t want to be that person anymore. He can’t, he spent too long living that lie for his father, he just wants to be free. Simeon telling him he’s changed and being so proud of him, you look so much more relaxed. Diavolo being so happy to know that lucifer is happier because he struggles to talk about it because Lucifer still believes he‘s wrong or broken in someway, pride too much to overcome, but when it’s just him and diavolo, sometimes he can talk about it, lift a weight off his chest

–I want to see them big eachother up in the way that only siblings can, oi that jacket looks good on ya, can I steal it? I’m gonna get junk food because I deserve it, what do you want? I want them to support eachother on bad days, just silently making them tea when they’ve started into space just a little too long, ruffling their hair on the way out. I want a deal between them to let the others know if something is showing in public, whilst in the house being comfortable enough and trusting eachother enough not to judge because really, they’re all in the same boat here

I can’t be the only one here guys. C’mon. Let make this happen. Tag me. ANYTHING YOU POST I want to see it, I want to see your vent art, I want to hurt with you as you project your troubles, just so that your not alone. @7fckingidiots made a Post Abt the Brothers amd it was my final snapping point, Ive got so many little sketches of Satan, they’ve become my muse for any practice drawings, amd I wanted to say something before but yea, check out their post guys I’ll try Link it. But I mean it, tag me, I want to reblog everything you do, make our own supportive family

[lilacponds]

mm

depressing shit ahead dont mind dont mind

so like!! i hate feelings!!!

ive always said i love having romantic feelings because!! they make me feel so good!! happy and alive!! and thats tru!! but

theres always two faces of a coin

anytime i start having romantic feelings towards someone, my brain does its best to remind me all that i am. and all that im not. and how fucking stupid it is for me to hope.

im not attractive. im not cute. any selfie that gets likes is because i only post the best results in the best angles, with filters and without showing the rest of me. seeing me irl i aint that cute. god im sorry for the ppl that have to look at me regularly irl. theres a reason if ive never gotten an irl compliment. i... when... when i got called cute two or so weeks ago, that... was the first time. and i feel awful not being able to trust that fully, and im still blaming mark for that, but it was still the first time in 20 years. twenty.

im not good at anything, ive never been. so when im doing small good steps at something, like baking, im a. constantly anxious its actually awful and b. any failure because i attempted something over my current skill throws me down and makes me hate myself

im slow at understanding things, im not smart, im not bright. im so tired of friends telling me im smart!! i know failing school has nothing to do w being smart, i know because i was the best at english in my classes and i was in the top students at math and i struggled with other stuff and studying and school and failed because of undiagnosed and untreated depression. it didnt really have much to do with intelligence itself. school is just a test of your memory 95% of the time anyway. im just not smart. i dont get things. i dont knos things. im not smart. im just not. stop saying i am. its the most obvious lie and it hurts me when you say i am. because i know its a lie. and i dont want lies to make me feel better. i know youre trying to help but it doesnt work. lies dont help. im sorry

i dont have hobbies or stuff im interested in. its not writing, because i never fucking do it. its not drawing, because i never fucking do it. its not reading, because i never fucking do it. its not playing videogames, because i never fucking do it. its not watching movies or tv shows, listening to podcasts, learning stuff, its nothing. its nothing. my days are just so fucking empty and i am so fucking empty. i just... want to not be empty

i dont have goals, dreams, plans. i always say that if i had a dream id fight for it. and its true! the problem is that i dont have one. what do i wanna do with my life? who knows? certainly not me

im not interesting. im absolutely boring. i cant keep up conversations well, im super awkward, sometimes i dont understand what a person is saying even when they repeat themself and i just hope that a universally understood sound ("hmm") is appropriate enough in a tone that can be ambiguous enough to count as an answer. i hate that! i hate that so much! ive probably just been told something important and i havent understood it when they repeates themself twice! so i just pretended i did! i feel awful!

i dont have good qualities, im not brave and im not strong and im not as kind as people think i am. if i see negative stuff and i dont have to get involved, i dont, because im scared and because i tend to crack with the tiniest negative stuff so i avoid. i say id fight for my friends but then put on the spot i freeze and im anxious and awkward and i end up not doing anything like what sorta friend am i!!!

i could go on forever and ever. i hate having romantic feelings for someone because they are so amazing and theyre gonna do great things with their life, and im just... here, ugly and stupid and useless and insignificant. and i dont deserve even half a second of their time.

why cant i just die instead