#not currently but I wasssds | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starstyff · 6 months ago

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Am I too old to be having mental breakdowns or is the world really painful to exist in right now? Am I too old to be having mental breakdowns or am I placing undo stress on myself with no recourse? Am I too old to be having mental breakdowns or have I failed to to give myself grace? Am I too old to be having mental breakdowns or was I told that eventually my moods would even out and I neglected the very real active and conscious effort required for that to be true?

#12 years of therapy #10 years of meds #still like this huh #always gonna be like this I fear #actually not true bc I didn’t slice nor dice myself in the past 48 hours #does this city make me crazy or does it make me think I’m normal and then I stop doing the work to be normal #and then it’s dawn and I’ve been crying for 4 straight hours #for like #arguably no reason #I need like Xanax or something #idk like #if I don’t get to my meds before 3am it is useless to take them #bc I will sleep through everything #I guess Xanax may do the same #also am I maybe an addict #am I taking secret pills yes #do I do it all the time no #do I take more than one in 24 hrs no #this is only bc I have tried more and found no greater returns #and bc I do have some sense #and after doing a lil **** in secret #and knowing I would do anything for that again given the opportunity #I was like we gotta chill at least I was prescribed pills #not currently but I wasssds #anyway! perhaps we are feeling the effects #crying makes my skin feel amazing tho

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