#not because of that but probably getting high and drunk on one of the worst days ive had this year wasn't the best idea | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lisired · 1 year ago

Text

wish i never

pairing: Jaehyun x (f) reader

genre/warnings: smut, angst, debatable morals, unprotected sex, brother’s worst enemy, forbidden love, mark’s dad is a cop for the sake of plot, mentions of drugs and drug-related death

summary: Your brother, Johnny, hates Jaehyun and has never told you why. Although you intend on leaving it alone, unforeseen events thrust you into a forbidden love affair with Jaehyun. In between hookups and stolen kisses, you have to bury your feelings for Jaehyun around your overprotective older brother.

word count: 27.2k (listen… i don’t know anymore okay)

a/n: this one lowkey kinda hit different for me cause i’ve had a forbidden love and it broke me. you can kinda tell by how long this is lol ya girl went all OUT. as always, feedback is appreciated!

“Absolutely not.”

“Dude, come on,” Mark whined.

“Hell the fuck no,” Yuta barked firmly, crossing his arms. “The last time we gave you shrooms, you texted Johnny to ask him where your phone was.”

“And?”

“You texted him from your own phone,” Yuta deadpanned.

You snickered. Your best friend and drugs were an infamously egregious combination. Mark Lee sober was already full of shit, but Mark Lee high on whatever substance he could get his hands on? Indescribably bad. You couldn’t think of a word to even explain it.

Mark gestured over to you. “But you gave her drugs.”

Yuta grimaced. “First of all, don’t say that too loud. Johnny will kill me. Second of all, she can actually handle her shit and what can I say? She's a loyal customer.”

You added, “Plus I’m not doing fucking shrooms. Yuta just deals me weed. If Johnny ever found out I was doing anything else, he would have a fit.”

Mark huffed something under his breath about how shrooms were the softest of soft drugs there were, not that it would’ve helped his case.

Your lips curled into a grin as you joked, “Why don’t you just chug Jeno’s notorious punch and call it a night? That’s what I’m gonna do.”

“I’ve actually got plans with a chick who’s been dying to chug my notorious punch. I’ll be back later. Save me a drink, dude,” Mark said, grinning from ear to ear at a text message on his screen. Probably from the aforementioned chick that was begging to blow him, or so he said.

You pretended to wince, but gave him a high five in celebration. “Aye, aye, captain,” you chirped, saluting him.

After Mark made a break for the stairs, you abandoned Yuta to make a beeline for the drink bar. There was no such thing as a party with some of your boys without drugs and alcohol. Your brother was an overprotective nuisance, but even he knew it was impossible to keep you away from your shots and the occasional marijuana.

Plus it would've been hypocritical as all hell, so he let it slide. Not that you wanted to press your luck with something harder. On some nights you were a little drunk and a little high, and it brought out the worst in you. You were certain all of Johnny's friends kept blackmail worthy videos of you doing the unspeakable and you were content with never knowing what all those fuckers had on you. The embarrassment would be enough to kill.

You clocked one girl dry-heaving in the corner on the way and it was all the discouragement required to make you reach for a can of beer instead. To your surprise, it seemed like somebody had a similar plan, their hand coincidentally dropping on the same one.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You can have it…," you trailed, glancing up to make eye contact with nobody less than the devil incarnate.

Ricky looked surprised to see you, though you weren’t sure why. If Jeno was throwing a party, you were bound to be in attendance. “What up, baby? Long time no see.”

“Ricky, you lost the right to call me that the second I caught you with your pants to your ankles in a closet with what's-her-face.”

More importantly, you were frankly surprised to see him there. Your stupid ex was many things, none good, and his audacity? It was out of control. Part of you wanted to commend him, because it took guts to show his face around your side of town after you yanked his trousers down in front of everyone and their mother.

And yet he took that retort in stride. “Baby, how many times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry? It was a mistake and I’ll never make it again.”

“You’re absolutely right,” you replied, bobbing your head in agreement. “You’re a sorry motherfucker and you’ll never make it again, because we’re done for good.”

But Ricky just couldn’t take the hint that you were so fucking over anything that had to do with him and crept closer, continuing darkly, “Don’t you know you’re nothing without me? Nothing!”

Having surrounded yourself with enough drunk and high people countless times, it was obvious that Ricky was under the influence, which made him extremely capricious. He looked a grand total of two seconds away from reaching out and seizing you by your arm.

Your eyes darted across the room for anybody you knew, but it was difficult when dancing bodies obscured them from your field of view. Yuta had probably wandered to snag more drug deals, Mark was getting his dick wet, and Johnny and Taeyong were nowhere to be found.

You were about to resign yourself to the fact that you were positively out of luck until you heard a deep baritone ask from beside you, “Do we have a problem over here?”

It took all of two seconds to recognize its owner. Jeong Jaehyun, sang the little chorus in your head. Your brother’s worst enemy. The beef seemed more than a little one-sided, but you didn’t ask questions. For whatever reason, the mere mention of Jaehyun’s name made your brother tense.

It was clear that Ricky was sizing Jaehyun up and he snapped with potent venom, “Who the fuck are you?”

“The host’s cousin,” Jaehyun said, looking tall and foreboding, as if he was daring somebody to challenge him. “And you are?”

“The love of her life.”

You didn’t know how he could confidently lie like that, though you wouldn’t be surprised if he wholeheartedly believed it, which was downright terrifying. You learned the hard way that this boy was as self-centered as they came.

Jaehyun took one look at you, and the glaringly obvious discomfort on your face, and replied, "Yeah, I don't think she wants to be around you. If I were you, I'd get the fuck out of here and never come back."

Ricky chuckled. "And if I don't?"

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Fuck around and find out," was all he said. His lips were drawn into a line and his gaze was fixed to your ex's idiotic face with a lethal stare. Not to mention Jaehyun had a couple of inches on him, which made you resist a satisfied little grin.

Obviously, Ricky wanted to stay and claim you as his pretty property, but even the lack of inhibitions didn’t hinder his judgment at that moment. Like any wise person would, he made a beeline for the closest exit. It was common sense that Jeno and his associates were not to be fucked with.

Your shoulders relaxed when Ricky was gone. If anything, he had gotten off easy. He was lucky that you had no clue where Johnny was. You were positive he would’ve knocked the sense out of him, if he had any, which was debatable.

“Insufferable prick,” you grumbled under your breath. Then, you glanced up to Jaehyun, who, to your surprise, was already looking at you. “Thanks, Jaehyun. I don’t know what he would’ve done if you weren’t here.”

Jaehyun still looked a little pissed, but your words seemed to make him soften. “You don’t have to thank me for that. It’s basic human decency.”

“And some people don’t even have that,” you replied, intending for it to be a joke, but it came out a little more melancholy.

If Jaehyun noticed, he said nothing about it.

Before he could even if he wanted to, something stitched your brows together and you mentioned, “Hey, I didn’t know Jeno was your cousin.”

“Me, neither.”

It took a second for that to settle in, but once you finally understood, amusement broke the confusion tensing your face and your lips parted in laughter. Jaehyun joined you. His bold-faced little white lie saved your ass, but ironically, that wasn’t what you were focused on.

It was those deep, adorable dimples on both of his cheeks that somehow made him even more handsome.

Instantly, something in you chided, Bitch, don’t check him out. He’s your brother’s worst enemy. You’re out of your goddamn mind if you think you’re getting laid tonight just because he’s playing nice.

“I should go,” you said after a minute, finally grabbing a beer. “Thanks again. I really appreciate it.”

You escaped before Jaehyun could tell you not to thank him. His eyes were fixed to your back, following you until you were obscured completely by partygoers. He knew you were Johnny’s sister, but damn, you were kinda cute.

At least for now, Jaehyun wouldn’t play with fire. Johnny almost kicked his ass one time and he wasn’t exactly keen on getting his ass handed to him.

You were half tempted to stop by Jeno’s room to check if any of the guys were passing a blunt around in there, but the last time your curiosity got the better of you, you accidentally walked in on Jeno shirtless with some half-naked girl. Not a sight you wanted to relive, so you kept downstairs.

Your eyes scanned the living room for any familiar faces, but it was difficult to tell if anybody was there. There was a gigantic crowd dancing to Kiss Me Thru The Phone and you chuckled at a certain memory of Mark drunk-singing along to the lyrics.

“There you are,” came a familiar voice beside you. Your gaze flitted to Johnny, whose face was stitched with concern. “Taeyong told me that he saw you with Jaehyun. You good?”

“I’m fine,” you hollered over the music. “Just heartbroken that Mark abandoned me to get laid.”

Any other time, Johnny would’ve laughed, but his lips were pressed into a solid line. “Have you had anything?”

You rolled your eyes and exhaled a breath. “Just the beer in my hand, Johnny.”

He studied your face, as if he was attempting to figure out whether or not you were telling the truth, but ultimately decided to believe you. “Listen, I just wanna look out for you. You’re my little sister. If anything were to happen to you...”

“Mom and Dad would kill you and dump your body in the woods for bears to find. Yes, I know,” you groaned exasperatedly, cutting him off. “I get it, Johnny. But I need you to get that I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“If you were a little girl, you wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t give you weed.”

That comment wasn’t even worth a roll of your eyes. You took a sip of beer and ignored it.

“Why were you around Jaehyun anyways?” Johnny asked. It was obviously the question he was itching to ask. Probably wanted to make sure Jaehyun wasn’t making any advances.

The memory of your bastard ex getting uncomfortably close to you after reaching for a drink he clearly didn’t need, raising his voice at you in a way no woman should ever accept, made you shudder. “Ricky decided to try and win me back. If you can even call it that.”

Johnny immediately perked up in anger. “What?”

“Relax. Jaehyun already took care of him. That’s why he was there. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“I swear to god, I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch,” Johnny hissed, looking a total of five seconds away from giving someone a piece of his mind.

“Ricky, or Jaehyun?”

“Does it matter?”

You shrugged. Your lips parted to ask why he hated Jaehyun in the first place, but you cut yourself off. There was a reason why you didn’t ask him months ago. Johnny might’ve been overprotective, but that was because he was your brother and he loved you. When he was ready, he would tell you.

The night dragged on. This one was a little more boring than usual, but that could’ve been chalked up to you still being shaken up about your encounter with your ex. You almost considered what would’ve happened had Jaehyun not been around to intervene, but your mind dared not wander there.

Part of you wanted to know where he was camping out at. Surely, he had to be around here somewhere, but you weren’t going to look. Especially not with Johnny on high alert. He was being extra careful, wanting to be there in case your ex was crazy enough to return.

You listed what you knew about Jeong Jaehyun. For one, he was fine as hell. That was undeniable. Secondly, he was lowkey, which was why you essentially knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was drop-dead gorgeous.

Sure, he made an appearance at these parties every now and then, but most of the time he kept to a tight-knit circle of friends and if they weren’t there, there was no way in hell he was coming. Sometimes his roommates’ threw parties at their house, but he rarely went downstairs, preferring to linger in his room doing fuck knows what.

You honestly couldn’t blame him. People sucked. Most of them, anyways.

Only one day later, you were gripping an overlook, peering down at little critters splashing in the lake from the bridge above. For a long time, there was nobody there to join you other than your little nonhuman friends. You liked coming here every now and then to clear your head. It was your safe place, your happy place.

The sky was cloudy but there was only a nine percent chance of rain this afternoon, thus you weren’t too worried. You needed to go somewhere. Home was too isolating, but everywhere else was too open.

You could be happy here. There were no entitled assholes or overprotective brothers around to get on your nerves every five seconds. It was only you and the gifts of nature.

And somebody else.

“I thought that was you,” said somebody from your side.

Imagine your shock when you turned and saw Jeong Jaehyun jogging towards you. In the fucking flesh.

It was harder not to check him out this time. The man was practically drenched head to toe in sweat, his very exposed skin glistening with moisture. The shirt he was wearing hugged his chest and it was all you could do not to salivate.

Rather than continue to rake your eyes up his frame, you asked playfully, “Are you stalking me, Jeong Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes twinkled with mirth. God, how come you never noticed how pretty and brown they were? “Actually, I’m surprised. I was cutting through here instead of my usual jog route. The weather looked pretty bad.”

You snickered, crossing your arms. “You didn’t check the forecast before you left the house? It’s not gonna rain. Probably.”

Jaehyun furrowed a brow. “Probably?”

“That guy on the news is an infamous liar,” you grumbled under your breath.

Jaehyun chuckled. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, coming closer to the railing where you were, but kept a safe distance between your bodies lest he made you uncomfortable. “I told you why I’m here. What about you?”

Your nose got an instant waft of Jaehyun’s scent and it was godly, which was shocking considering he was literally sweating everywhere. “Oh, you know. I come here from time to time to think, or to not think. Depending on what the situation calls for.”

“Really?”

You bobbed your head. “Yeah. Why?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “Nothing,” was what he said, but in reality, he was thinking about how he passed this bridge nearly every goddamn day and never knew if he took a detour, he’d potentially cross paths with a pretty little thing like you.

You lifted a brow, but didn’t press.

“Are you… okay?” Jaehyun reluctantly asked.

You bobbed your head. “Yup, I’m alright. It’s just that Ricky approaching me has Johnny on edge, so now whenever I go out he and his friends are watching me like a bunch of hawks.”

Jaehyun winced. “Damn. That must suck.”

“I get he’s doing it from a place of love, but fuck, sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone, you know?”

Jaehyun nodded. God, did he know. And not only because he was an overwhelmingly introverted dude. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

That caught your attention. “You do?”

Jaehyun scratched the back of his head. “I mean, I don’t have an overprotective brother, but I do have an overprotective mother. It’s sweet and all, but do you know what it makes you look like when you’re on a date with a girl and your mom won’t stop calling you?”

Your lips couldn’t help but curl into a grin. “Aw, you’re a Momma’s boy.”

“This is exactly what I mean,” Jaehyun groaned.

“No, it’s… cute,” you said, but it was impossible to control the giggles falling from your lips. “Most of the guys I know like that are sweethearts. Johnny, Mark. Maybe you.”

Jaehyun found that amusing. “You think I’m a sweetheart?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know you well enough to decide, but seemingly, sure.”

“Do you want to?”

“Do I want to what?”

“Know me better,” Jaehyun said, tentative. Almost as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

That was the million dollar question. On the one hand, Jaehyun was cute and it most likely wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time together, but on the other, there was the Johnny thing. You groaned. “God, Johnny would have a heart attack if he knew I was with you right now. Maybe even an aneurysm.”

Jaehyun snickered with mischief. “Who said that he has to know?”

That response downright shocked you. You weren’t expecting it from somebody like him, though then again, you knew virtually nothing about this boy and it only made you want to sate your curiosity. “Ooh. You’re trouble, Jeong Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun took that in stride. “I’m guessing you like that.”

Taking a step closer, you started to close the gap between you that Jaehyun had created for your sake. “Hm, you know what they say.”

“I don’t think I do.”

“It’s always the quiet ones that deal the most damage,” you whispered sultrily, glancing into his gentle brown eyes.

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered. That caught him off-guard.

Then, you backed away and waved him goodbye. “I’ve gotta go. Later, Dimples.”

Dimples? That was new. Jaehyun was pleasantly surprised by the nickname and he was so stunned that it distracted him from his train of thoughts.

It was only when you were long gone that he realized that you never answered his question.

You needed time to think, to decide if Jaehyun was worth potentially losing your brother’s trust. You didn’t know why he hated him, but his less than enthusiastic reactions to him said more than enough. Jaehyun was cute, but you could easily find another cute guy whose bones your brother didn’t mention crushing.

But damn, you were curious. And curiosity killed the cat. You knew one thing, though. You were starting to like Jeong Jaehyun.

You shook your head, ashamed of yourself. This is really what’s it’s come to, huh?

Jaehyun thought about that exchange on the bridge every now and then for the next couple of days and chastised himself for even making moves on you of all people. She’s his baby sister, you asshole. She’s off-limits.

Not that it would really stop him, if you let him have you.

It wasn’t like Johnny had to know. Jaehyun could keep a secret and he assumed that you had a handful of your own. People with strict upbringings tended to have a lot of practice with being sneaky and your situation was close enough.

He sat on his bed and heaved a breath, playing with a lighter.

Meanwhile, you were with your boys, listening to them chatter about disgusting boy things but lowkey too curious to abandon your spot on the sofa that was too comfortable for its own good. Nobody liked sleeping on sofas, but you swore you wouldn’t mind on this one. Plus sometimes you’d gotten drunk here enough where you almost dozed off.

You made a gagging noise when Mark started to talk about his nth blowjob of the week. You weren’t counting, but he definitely was.

“Your dick probably has so much chlamydia that it’ll mutate into a different variant like Covid,” Haechan teased.

You grimaced, but you definitely agreed.

“You’re one to talk,” Mark snapped.

Haechan nodded, grinning proudly. “Of course, I am. I always wear condoms and get tested regularly. I’m clean as a whistle.”

You shook your head in amusement. “I’ve never understood the saying ‘clean as a whistle.’ Like aren’t whistles actually contaminated from being in someone’s mouth? Now, when you combine that logic with your dick…”

Jeno burst into laughter. Yuta obviously found it funny from the smile on his face and Mark would never miss a chance to laugh at his friend’s expense.

Haechan dramatically rolled his eyes. “And what about you, little miss? How often do you get laid?”

“Definitely not as often as you guys,” you replied, coming to a stand. Not that you wanted to kiss the sofa goodbye. “I’ll be right back. I’ve gotta tinkle.”

Mark’s nose wrinkled. “You didn’t think that was too much information?”

You almost threw the remote at your best friend, but spared him. There was no way this dude was talking about too much information when he was literally giving you all a play-by-play of his sex life.

“If it burns when you pee, Mark gave you the airborne strand of chlamydia,” Yuta joked dryly.

You left too quickly to see Mark attempt to murder Yuta and it was a shame that you had to miss it. There was no doubt that Haechan would exaggerate the moment to make you regret not being there, but right now, you were concentrated on finding the bathroom.

And of course, it was when you finally made it upstairs through the groups of bodies that you realized you didn’t know where it was.

You groaned, cursing yourself for being so forgetful. You’d only been here a couple of times and never long enough to use the fucking bathroom, apparently. And you really couldn’t fucking hold it.

You glanced around the set of doors upstairs, incapable of keeping still. Thank god nobody was here except for you. If I was a bathroom, which door would I be behind?

You set eyes on a random door and said, “Fuck it.” You marched right up to it and knocked none too gently, seeping with impatience.

To your surprise, it was Jaehyun that opened the door, a pair of headphones slung around his neck. And behind him was a bed, not a toilet.

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered with shock and he said your name. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, I was kinda looking for the bathroom. I’m guessing this isn’t it,” you said with a little humor, which was remarkable, all things considered. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, baby.”

“Oh.” You knew that, so the fact that it slipped your mind meant that you definitely weren’t yourself when you had to pee.

Jaehyun had the audacity to laugh. He opened his door a little wider. “You can use mine. It’s that door over there.”

“Thank you,” you said in relief, immediately darting for the bathroom.

You were even more relieved by the time you washed your hands and walked back into his bedroom, no longer fighting to keep still. Jaehyun was sitting on his bed where his headphones were now cast aside. God, how loud did you have to be knocking for him to hear you over those?

“You sure were in a hurry,” Jaehyun teased.

You rolled your eyes, but a little laugh fell from your lips. You wholeheartedly blamed Jeno and his damn poisonous drinks. Sighing in relief, you glanced around Jaehyun’s room. For a boy, he was exceptionally tidy. He had vinyls organized on a shelf. “No girls in here, I see.”

Jaehyun didn’t know whether to be offended by that or not. “What do you think I am, a pimp?”

You snickered. “Nah. I’m just traumatized. Sue me.”

Jaehyun knew better than to ask questions that he didn’t want to know the answers to, so he left it alone. “You never answered my question the other day.”

“What question?” you asked. Obviously, you were playing dumb. You needed every second to think about what your response would be, although you’d had the past forty-eight hours and then some to contemplate.

Your damn brother was the only thing that stood between you and Jaehyun.

Johnny wasn’t around this time for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell that he’d step foot in the house of his mortal enemy. He didn’t want you to be there either, but you assured him that you’d steer clear of all things Jeong Jaehyun.

And it wasn’t as if you had deliberately lied. It (kind of) wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know where the bathroom was.

“If you wanted to get to know me better.”

You stepped over to his bed, sitting beside him and sighing. “Jaehyun, you know my brother won’t approve.”

“I guess that’s a ‘no’ then,” Jaehyun muttered.

Your eyes glanced at his handsome face, then his beautiful, twinkling brown eyes, and finally his soft pink lips. And when they flitted so low, there was no looking back. You leaned in and pressed your lips to Jaehyun’s, waiting for him to kiss back, and when he did without hesitation your heart soared.

His hands flew to your back, eyes fluttering closed. God, he tasted as good as he smelled, and it was more than a little arousing. You made him fall against his mattress, straddling his hips and kissing him even deeper.

The change was welcome. His heart was racing just from locking lips with you and it took him to the sky. He grabbed a hold of your hips, which fit snugly in his palms, and listened to the soft sighs that slipped from your mouth in between the kisses.

Mark was probably downstairs wondering, Damn, bitch, how long does it take to piss?

You pulled back when a certain groan of his turned you on a little too much to be safe. Jaehyun was secretly disappointed, but he didn’t complain, taking time to catch his breath. “Is that a maybe?”

You giggled and shook your head. “It’s a yes.”

Jaehyun sat up and grinned. He knew what he was getting himself into, but he didn’t care. There was something about you that made him defy gravity.

Still straddling his hips, you threaded your fingers through his hair and leaned in to whisper into his ears, “We’re playing with fire.”

“Ironically, I thought the same thing,” Jaehyun deadpanned.

You chuckled. Well, if you didn’t care, and he didn’t care, nothing more needed to be said. You were really doing this.

Jaehyun realized that he already really liked holding you. You were warm and soft to the touch, and you fit perfectly in his arms. “Have you been drinking?”

“Nope.”

“Did you do any drugs?”

“Not even a little,” you said, raising a brow at the question. Much to your chagrin, it reminded you of your brother’s incessant worry. “Why?”

Jaehyun said without hesitation, “Because I’ve got weed.”

That was exciting. No wonder Jaehyun never came downstairs during his roommates’ parties. The real party was in his bedroom. “Geez, Dimples. What are you waiting for?”

Jaehyun laughed at your enthusiasm and grabbed his lighter off his nightstand. You were flattered when he let you roll and even more when he praised your technique, which took years to develop. Thank god for your experienced friends.

The high had you hyper aware of everything. Jaehyun’s whole room smelled like him, to no surprise. As he said, he lived there, fuck’s sake. But it was pleasant and you were honestly forgetting that you even promised to return downstairs.

The guilt and pressure of keeping secrets from Johnny was heavy on your back a few moments ago, but after the marijuana settled in, you relaxed into Jaehyun’s side. He didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was the tree getting to his brain, but his hands got a little bolder, too.

And it also only enhanced your curiosity. “Do you do this often, Jaehyun?”

“You mean invite girls into my room to talk and smoke?”

“Yeah.”

Jaehyun took a drag and exhaled into the thick air of his room. “Eh, not really. I’ve had girls in my room before, obviously, but it never really lasts.”

You weren’t surprised. Any girl could see that Jaehyun was handsome as all fucking hell and you didn’t expect him to be a total sexless loser. Matter of fact, if he told you that he was a virgin, you doubted that you’d even believe it.

“Maybe you haven’t met the right girl then,” you suggested coyly.

Jaehyun chuckled. “Maybe.”

It was way too soon to ask if he thought you were the right girl, so instead you settled for asking where his interests lay. “What exactly are you looking for?”

Jaehyun knew the answer to that question in perfect detail because he’d thought about it countless times, being his typical hopeless romantic self. This was a boy that dreamed of finding his miss right before he went to bed. He was a simple guy. He wanted picket fences and kids. Perhaps a puppy.

But maybe it wasn’t all too simple. Jaehyun wasn’t searching for a housewife. He wanted someone to go to random old shops with and look at vintage items together. He wanted someone that didn’t draw a lot of attention, but liked to go outside and explore. Money be damned. Thanks to his mother, he had ample cash, but no one to spend it on.

Jaehyun hummed, pretending to think about his answer. “Guess.”

You threw him a look. “Are you serious?”

Jaehyun bobbed his head eagerly, lips curling into a mischievous little grin. “I’ll tell you, but I want you to guess first.”

You sighed and glanced around his bedroom for clues, and fortunately enough, there were plenty. “Vinyls from the nineties. You’re an old soul and you want someone who fits your vibe. You smell like expensive cologne, so maybe you want someone to wine and dine, but you definitely want to be comfortable.”

Jaehyun said nothing, but you could tell that he was listening.

You looked at the pictures of him and an older woman framed on his nightstand and continued, “You want the type of girl you can take home to your mother. And your mother wants the absolute best for her son, so she raised you to have high standards.”

“You’re good at this,” Jaehyun muttered.

“I’m nowhere close to being finished,” you said, grinning from ear to ear. “Judging from the souvenirs on your shelf, you like going to different places, so you want someone curious and adventurous in nature. Appreciative and respectful of different peoples' cultures.”

Jaehyun was only smiling at this point. It was kind of funny and spooky being read like this.

“You’ve searched for love and haven’t found something that feels right, so now you keep girls around for a good time, not a long one. And you love a damsel in distress, I think,” you said, concluding your investigation.

“Wow,” was all Jaehyun said.

Though you already knew the answer, you pressed your lips into a smile and asked, “Am I warm?”

“You’re on fire,” he replied, wondering how in the hell you got all that just from looking at his bedroom. “But how did you know?”

“That you love a damsel in distress?”

“That I’ve looked for love and gave up on it.”

You almost rolled your eyes. You couldn’t believe he was seriously asking that question. “No offense, but you scream hopeless romantic. Plus you’re hot. You know your worth and what you want and I doubt it’s meaningless sex.”

Jaehyun had this melancholy look on his face for the briefest of seconds, but it disappeared so quickly you could’ve imagined it being there.

“I don’t think you gave up, I think you took a little pause. You know she’s out there, and when the time’s right, you’ll know.” Then, you abandoned the sadness and quipped, “But you’re also a guy, and guys want sex.”

Jaehyun chuckled, but you had somehow penetrated his mind. You had part of him figured out and he didn’t know what to do with that. It was too soon to get too deep.

You exhaled contentedly, but the marijuana had you thinking. You could’ve been wrong about Jaehyun. You had definitely been wrong before.

There was this tension in the room now that neither of you were equipped to handle. As standard when he was fooling around with a girl, there was a piece of him that wondered if it could be the real thing this time, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself.

It wouldn’t have been the first time.

Jaehyun gave you back the blunt. “What about you - what are you looking for?”

“Who said I was looking?” you asked with obvious amusement.

That shattered Jaehyun’s former thoughts of possibly wifing you up one day. Of course you didn’t intend on dating the dude your brother hated. It would’ve been a very unconventional relationship. You could keep him around for fun, but it would have to end sooner or later.

So Jaehyun contentedly resigned himself to the fact that you would pass, just like all the other girls he brought up to his room, and decided he was fine with that. Maybe he had high standards, but you’d forgotten to mention the part that they came with moderate hopes and low expectations.

That way getting hurt was borderline impossible.

Then, Jaehyun started to grin like an idiot and reminded, “You said that you think I’m hot.”

“I literally said that ten hundred hours ago,” you groaned, exhaling a puff of smoke into the air.

You cried out in shock when he grabbed your hips and pulled you back onto him again, but instinctively leaned into his shoulder. Jaehyun was (usually) humble, but anyone who thought he didn’t know he was hot was a fool. “Am I hot enough to kiss?”

Your lips tugged into a smile, and rather than directly answer his question, you went in for a kiss, holding the blunt away from his face so that he wouldn’t get burned. Jaehyun effortlessly matched your rhythm and it was dumbfounding how he could be so excellent of a kisser.

You spent the better half of the night passing a blunt back and forth with Jaehyun, kissing and talking in between (featuring some inappropriate touches). Jaehyun was so fucking easy to talk to, the topics were boundless. Neither of you opened up much outside of your relationship goals and lack thereof, but you still got to know each other a little better.

Jaehyun loved music from r&b to jazz to soul, though you could’ve guessed how passionate he was after one look at his vinyl collection. He was flirty sometimes, but soft-spoken and very gentleman-like and he never once proposed for the two of you to have sex. Plus he was a bit of a goofball.

To say nothing of the fact that he could play the guitar. You didn’t know why, but that somehow made him even more delightful.

It was pleasant to be in the presence of a guy that was simultaneously attractive and respectful.

Because it was far too late for you to drive yourself home when you finally started to get sleepy, he let you steal his bed and slept in the room of one of his roommate’s that was never home, according to Jaehyun.

Jungkook was what he said his name was. Apparently he basically lived full-time in his girlfriend’s apartment and Jaehyun didn’t know why he still paid rent, but he didn’t complain. It was going to be a sad day for his bank account when Jungkook finally moved out.

And that left Yugyeom. He was the one that threw all of the parties. You asked Jaehyun last night why he rarely came downstairs during those parties and his response was, “I don’t like the attention.”

Morning had come loudly as ever. Birds chirped outside, singing sweetly. You stretched your arms above your head and yawned, unable to ignore the dark curtains that effectively kept the sunlight out.

The first thing you did was let a little light in. And the second thing was remember how you spent last night, memories of marijuana and laughter, and flirtatious behavior hitting you all at once. It seemed that Jeong Jaehyun was a promise of fun.

Grabbing your phone, you headed down the stairs and breathed a little in relief when you saw Jaehyun already awake, waiting by the toaster. “Good morning, Dimples.”

Jaehyun turned when he heard your voice and the smile that spread across his lips was instantaneous. “Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?”

“I should’ve known that your bed would be as cool and collected as you are,” you quipped, rubbing your arms. It was colder without Jaehyun’s blankets to help strengthen the temperature.

Jaehyun shook with mirth and it was a sight you wanted to see more often.

“I could’ve slept on the sofa,” you said without complaint. “The party was over by the time we called it a night and it’s the most comfortable sofa I’ve ever put my butt on.”

“It goes against everything I believe in to let you sleep on a couch when there’s a perfectly functional bed upstairs.”

“Aw, what a gentleman,” you replied, coming to stand at his side. “I drew the curtains in your room open, by the way. I don’t know how you live like a damn vampire.”

“What’s wrong with living like a vampire? Vampires are cool.”

“I don’t think Vampires need Vitamin D. Humans do,” you retorted, arms crossed.

Jaehyun’s lips curved into a stupid little smile that reeked of mischief and you instantly knew where his thoughts were before he even said anything.

You rolled your eyes at his silliness and told him, “Whatever you’re about to say - don’t.”

Bagels popped out of the toaster and the sight of food made Jaehyun forget about his previous shenanigans. He set both bagels on individual plates that already had food and said, “I made you something. It’s not much because I’ve gotta go soon, but I didn’t want you to be hungry.”

“Thank you,” you said with gratitude, accepting the plate he handed to you. Plate in hand, you went to sit at the table, watching Jaehyun bring cups over.

“You’re welcome,” Jaehyun told you gently. “Next time I’ll make you a real full-course meal as a treat.”

You gawked. “You can cook?”

“A little bit, yeah. Why?”

“You just got so much hotter,” you breathed.

Jaehyun grinned.

The time you spent together that morning was a duplicate of the night before except there were only the lingering overnight highs instead of the fresh ones. You were sad that you had to leave, but Jaehyun had to work and you needed to go home.

Sitting in your car, you checked your phone for the first time in hours. There had to be a thousand missed calls and unanswered messages from your friends and Johnny. Though it wasn’t unusual for your phone to be on Do Not Disturb, it was definitely strange to not at least tell your loved ones that you were very much still alive.

You were just so hooked on Jaehyun that it completely slipped your mind to check your phone. There wasn’t a dull moment upstairs in his bedroom and even when it was silent you were comforted by the sound of a vinyl playing quietly on his record player, which you were stunned that he even had.

You texted your friends to let them know that you were on the way home and called Johnny to get his usual tantrum out of the way before you got there, but it was safe to say that you weren’t expecting to come back to Johnny and Mark waiting for you in the kitchen like two unhappy parents.

You reached into the cabinet to grab a glass and deadpanned, “Uh oh. Am I in trouble?”

Mark snickered and he looked like mischief. “Very much so.”

Your gaze flitted towards Johnny, who was clearly the more disgruntled of the two, and asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look like you had a long night.”

“That’s probably because I did.”

“Did you hook up with anyone?”

You grimaced. “Gross, Johnny. Do I ask you who and what you do with your dick?”

Johnny gave you a look that told you he was serious.

“No, I didn’t hook up,” you replied, filling your glass with water and hoping to find a way out of this situation so that you could shower and brush your teeth.

Johnny’s lips were tugged into a frown. This older brother responsibility was far from easy when his little sister made it even harder to check up on her. “I worry about you. Is that a crime?”

You exhaled a long breath. “You’re right. I should have at least let you know that I was okay and I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I just got… distracted.”

That got Mark’s attention and he butted in dramatically, “Where did you go last night? I was this close to filing a police report, but it hadn’t been twenty-four hours.”

Typical cop father response. That was half the reason why nobody wanted to deal him drugs. Thank goodness he had you to vouch for him. “And what would you do if I was off with a serial killer instead of some hot guy?”

“I wouldn’t be too worried. You’re annoying. They would return you on the front doorstep with a note that said ‘come get your bitch back.’”

You were tempted to roll your eyes, but you noticed Johnny laugh a little and it honestly made you feel somewhat better. He had been painfully uptight lately and you just wanted him to chill for once.

“I’m gonna go take a shower and brush my teeth,” you announced, discarding your glass in the sink and heading for the stairs.

Of course, Mark had more insults on deck and didn’t hesitate to add, “You’re gonna need more than that for all the cum you had to have gargled last night.”

“For the last time, I did not hook up,” you huffed in exasperation, marching up the stairs. “And get the hell out of my house - you don’t even live here!”

You could hear Mark laughing from the overlook.

A lot of time was spent counting down the hours until you could see Jeong Jaehyun again. You learned that he was not the type of guy to sit around waiting by his phone. This was a busy man with business to take care of and he didn’t have a lot of spare time.

You didn’t mind, because he spent it talking to you, which was definitely an indicator that he was starting to really like you. With so few hours in a week, let alone a day, it was hard to believe he let just anyone consume the little downtime that remained.

Jaehyun let you crash some nights at his place when your brother was being a massive thorn in your side. It wasn’t a crime, but it was easy to get away with, all things considered. Yugyeom never bothered either of you and Jungkook was rarely there, so you spent most of the time talking incessantly and getting high.

Maybe some kisses were shared in between, but nothing more. Jaehyun was content with just getting to know you for now. His usual invitees consisted of one-night stands and girls he hung out with for a couple of weeks, but you were different. You made him think, high or not, and it was rare a girl penetrated his mind so deeply.

And so quickly. It had only been a month, maybe a little longer. He was still afraid of being completely open with you, but the way the two of you touched each other was starting to get riskier and riskier.

Kisses lasted longer. More than once, he caught himself going after your clothes, but he didn’t want to seem like an animal. You did seem a little eager too, kissing the breath out of him and getting more and more flirtatious, but Jaehyun hated having to guess.

He wanted you to tell him what you wanted in no uncertain terms. No room for uncertainty.

Yugyeom knocked on Jaehyun’s bedroom door, which was already cracked ajar, and asked, “Hey, is she coming over tonight?”

“Yes, so please be on your best behavior. No bullshit,” Jaehyun replied, getting a whiff of the trouble that was Yugyeom and wrinkling his nose.

“Have you guys… you know?”

“That’s a personal question.”

“So you haven’t.” Yugyeom pressed, “Man, when are you gonna tell her you’ve got the hots for her? You know what, I’ll clear the house and leave a bottle of wine out. Light one of your expensive candles. Girls like that shit.”

Like hell Jaehyun needed advice on how to set the mood, from Yugyeom much less. Plus he was none too pleased at being interrupted, especially because now he was thinking about having sex with you and it was doing things to him down there. “I think I know what girls like.”

“Then what’s the problem? And don’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it. We’re both dudes, man. That’s bullshit.”

“There isn’t one,” Jaehyun replied to his roommate honestly. Of course, he had thought about having sex with you. He might’ve been respectful, but like Yugyeom said, he was still a dude. Hell, the words had come out of your own mouth.

Yugyeom prodded, “Then?”

“I just don’t wanna rush into it.”

Now that Yugyeom could buy. Jaehyun was sentimental like that. When he really liked a girl, evaluating her worth took priority over getting laid. Jaehyun had this wall of ice put up that even Yugyeom had to steadily break through. Ironically, sometimes it felt like he was still on the outside.

But he put two and two together. If Jaehyun liked you - as in really, really liked you - then that made shit even more complicated. It was no secret that Johnny had it out for Jaehyun and he obviously came to the same conclusion that Jaehyun had; shit getting serious with you was dangerous.

So Yugyeom left it alone.

Like clockwork, you were pulling into Jaehyun’s driveway only a few hours later. You discerned that the lot was empty save for your car and Jaehyun’s which more than likely implied that the two of you would be completely alone in the house together.

Slipping the spare key from under the mat, you unlocked the door and sang after locking it behind yourself, “Darling, I’m home!”

“I’m upstairs,” Jaehyun called out from the second floor, his room door obviously open for once. The benefits of having the house to himself.

You didn’t hesitate to make your way upstairs, not failing to clock the bottle of expensive wine on the counter when you passed by the kitchen, but you thought little of it when you came through the hallway and slipped into Jaehyun’s comfortable bedroom. “Hey, Dimples,” you greeted.

Jaehyun smiled at you and waved. His room was dimly lit. The overhead lights were turned off, but the candles on his nightstand were ablaze and there was an old school classic going on in the background.

The second you came in, Jaehyun set his book aside, giving you his undivided attention. “Come here.”

You wasted no time doing as told, advancing towards the bed and giggling when he snatched you into his open arms for a handful of kisses. Your whole body was soothed from his slightest of touches, at ease in his arms. Jaehyun had quickly become your second safe place.

God, you had been waiting for this moment all week. Johnny wasn’t on your ass any more than usual, but it got lonely in that house and it was even worse when you found yourself only craving Jaehyun’s company. There was something happening to you and you couldn’t tell if you liked it or not.

Jaehyun drew back after a minute, taking a moment to breathe and brush a loose strand of hair behind your ears. “Things okay at home?”

“New topic,” you groaned.

Jaehyun winced. That couldn’t have been too good.

“You smell good,” you purred, breathing in his scent.

“You always say that.”

“Because you always smell good.”

“I just got out of the shower.”

“Without me?”

“You sound like a guy,” Jaehyun said in disapproval.

You snickered. You had definitely gotten that comment from a boy before.

Jaehyun’s eyes were fixed to your face, taking in how beautiful you were. Damn, it was like every time he saw you, you looked even more breathtaking.

You couldn’t help but stare back. Jaehyun’s visuals were out of this damn universe and it was borderline maddening he could be this fucking fine. But deeper than that, sometimes you couldn’t help but stare into his dark eyes and wonder what all he was hiding back there.

It was plain as day that Jaehyun wasn’t the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially not when his romantic feelings were involved. In the time that you’d spent together, you had gotten to learn some things about him, but there was plenty that he filtered out as a defense mechanism.

When you wanted to get closer, Jaehyun shut down, which was totally ironic, because he was the one that asked if you wanted to get to know him. Now you had to fight for it?

Maybe he meant get to know his body and you were oblivious - and you wouldn’t have minded one bit - but if that was the case, you should’ve already had sex and been out of the picture. Yet he was keeping you twice as long as most girls lasted and for no apparent reason.

Sex made things more complicated. If you had sex with Jaehyun right now, and it was good, there was absolutely no telling how that would shift the trajectory of your entire life. But the way he was looking at you right now tempted you to risk it all.

Your lips found Jaehyun’s again, but the kiss was different this time. It was needier, desperate. It sent heat stretching through every bone in your body and straight between your thighs, and you felt like you were levitating. Your body scorched with desire, hands running down his chest.

Jaehyun kept up with your reckless kissing very well, but he couldn’t ignore the nature of it and it made him ask himself questions. You were kissing him like you wanted him. Tired of wondering, he pulled back and asked forthrightly, “Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” you countered, quickly seizing the opportunity to return your lips to his.

All of this beating around the bush was getting on his nerves and Jaehyun took matters into his own hands. Literally. You gasped when he pushed you onto your back, pinning you onto his bed, and locked your wrists above your head. “I want to hear you say it.”

Now that was sexy as hell and your thighs involuntarily pressed together. “I want to have sex with you.”

That was all Jaehyun needed to hear. He was quick to catch your lip in between his teeth and seal your lips in another heated kiss, taking in your every trembling exhale. You moaned into his mouth, a little too enamored with how good it felt beneath him.

His hands released your wrists in favor of your waist, testing the waters. You were reactive to Jaehyun’s touches, hyper aware of his hands steadily falling lower, but not daring to touch you too intimately yet. Like he was waiting for something to happen.

Jaehyun’s eyes sank to your empty neck and something deep in the pit of his gut was set on fire. “Are marks okay?”

Making quick work of his shirt and tossing it over his shoulders, you nodded your head. “Yeah. Johnny will notice, but he’ll never assume they’re from you.”

It took absolutely nothing else for Jaehyun to connect his lips to your throat hungrily, leaving mark after mark on your skin in an effort to stake his claim to you. And all it did was turn you on further. There was a thudding between your legs, arousal spilling over.

Little soft sighs and curses slipped from your lips and you could feel the bedroom get hotter and hotter. It wasn’t as if you and Jaehyun had agreed to be exclusive, but you hadn’t been with anyone else in the time that the two of you had been hanging out, meaning it had been over a month since you’d last had sex.

And it fucking showed. You were aching for more, on top of your natural desire for Jaehyun. If you didn’t fuck his brains out right now you were going to self-destruct.

“Jaehyun, fuck me,” you groaned impatiently.

Instead, he grinned, too fond of the neediness in your voice and on your pretty face. Jaehyun looked you plain in the eye and said, “I want you to beg.”

You were too gone to roll your eyes, but not too out of it to retort, “Make me.”

“I’m gonna make you beg, alright,” Jaehyun said without question. He made a move for your shorts and tugged them off your ankles, repeating the gesture with your panties.

The only thing that kept you from being totally naked was your top but Jaehyun didn’t look too concerned with getting rid of it yet. Instead, he focused his undivided attention between your legs, entranced by your glistening core and his mouth going dry with the desire to have a taste.

You watched the enthrallment on his face with satisfaction. Funny how his ability to conceal his emotions went out the window when pussy was involved. His eyes were dark as ever and Jaehyun’s voice somehow got deeper when he asked, “Will you let me taste you?”

“Fuck,” you mumbled, sensing that he was about to wreck the living hell out of you. “Uh, yeah. Yes.”

No room for uncertainty. Now that he had your consent, Jaehyun gathered your legs in his hands, tossed them over his broad shoulders, and went to town. You gasped aloud at the first pass of his tongue at your clit and it couldn’t have been further from tentative.

Of course this man went straight for your sensitive bundle of nerves instead of your slick folds, he knew better. Given how exciting the thought of Jaehyun dicking you down had been, you were already throbbing, but now you were tense and unstill.

There was something about the feeling of his lips sucking and licking at your cunt that made you squirm and cry out in an overwhelming bolt of pleasure. Jaehyun clamped his big hands onto your thighs to keep you pliant, holding them right where he wanted them, and kept eating you out.

It made zero sense how hot you found every little thing that he did.

“Jesus, fuck,” was basically all that you could say. With how vigorously Jaehyun was sucking at your bundle of nerves, it was getting borderline impossible to think.

Jaehyun sure didn’t seem timid. Matter of fact, the way he refused to shy away from in between your pair of legs, doing everything in his power to keep them separated at both sides of his head, said loud and clear that he was a man on a mission to make you unravel.

Not to mention that he was doing a damn good job. Your ears were hardly even working, the whole world fading to static, the only audible sound being the incessant throb of your pulse quickening by the minute.

The sheer opposite was true for Jaehyun. His ears were on full alert and he could hear everything from the increasing volume and speed of your breaths plus your soft moans to the gentle rustling of the trees' leaves outside his open window.

Jaehyun peered up at you, noticed the euphoria tensing your beautiful features, and his lips broke into a wide grin. “How are you doing up there?”

No words would come. It took twice as long to even process the ones that left his mouth. Your eyes were drooping and misty, damp with moisture, and all that escaped you was a befuddled, “Fuck.”

Jaehyun snickered. That was answer enough. “It sounds to me like you’re having a fun time,” he started. “Do you want to cum?”

You obviously heard that and hissed, “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

“If you want to cum, then beg me for it,” Jaehyun growled darkly. You appreciated the brief lull of peace, but of fucking course, it was that moment Jaehyun chose to press a long pair of fingers into your dripping pussy.

Your back arched and your soft cries filled the air. It felt like somebody had given Jaehyun the blueprints to your body with how he excelled at satisfying you in ways literally nobody had previously.

The answer was obvious. Jaehyun wanted you to beg? Fuck it. You would beg.

“Please,” you said, your voice raising a few pitches. “Oh, god. Please make me cum, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun didn’t make a sound but you could feel his mouth on your cunt again and knew that he was about to take you there.

And then it came. The mind-numbing orgasm engulfed you in its fury and you were scarred with burns from head to toe, most of it pivoting towards your core.

Your hands desperately grasped locks of Jaehyun’s soft fluffy hair in an attempt to anchor yourself and you didn’t release him from your clutches until every tremble faded. Jaehyun got so aroused watching you shudder with release that he swore his own mind went blank.

It took a good minute and a half at the least for your mind to start to clear itself and you sighed pleasantly as the wrath of your orgasm slowly began to die out. You peered down at Jaehyun, blinking a couple of times, and slackened your grip when you realized how tightly your hands were latched to him.

Jaehyun didn’t seem to mind, contentedly watching you try to gather your bearings. “Are you back to earth?”

“Barely,” you rasped, still unable to feel your thighs.

“Do you want to stop?”

You gawked. “Are you kidding? I still wanna fuck you. If you still wanna fuck me.”

“I still want to fuck you,” Jaehyun said, pulling you in for another hot but reassuring kiss. It was hard to breathe, but so worth it. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and tasted yourself on his.

Kissing you made Jaehyun feel like he was ascending, but right now it also made his dick ascend and his patience was steadily dissipating into thin air. You could feel his hard-on against your naked thigh and it sent shock waves to your brain.

I think that’s the best head I’ve ever had, you admitted to yourself, but not aloud. Your dating history wasn’t top secret but you spoke little of it to Jaehyun. Did it matter that all of your exes were scumbags and rarely bothered to get you off?

Except for one. The sex was good, but it wasn’t a fair trade-off for your heart. No man nor his cock was worth your sanity and you told that to yourself every time you engaged with one.

Plus you just got this weird feeling where nothing or nobody else mattered when you and Jaehyun were alone together. You didn’t think of the various roots of the stresses in your life and calmness was finally an option.

You didn’t want to ruin that, so you didn’t get too deep.

But you were hoping Jaehyun was packing enough to be deep inside of you. Fuck that, you had felt it against your thigh. You knew that he was and it was exciting.

Your voice was weighed down by the thickness of your breaths. “Do you have condoms?”

“Always,” Jaehyun replied, pulling a drawer open on his nightstand to retrieve one.

That was a relief. You had never done it raw before and though you liked Jaehyun, you weren’t sure where his dick had been and what all it had seen. You’d rather be safe.

Jaehyun gently pushed you back onto the mattress and crawled over you, drawing the condom between his teeth while he tossed your shirt and bra halfway across his bedroom, then whispered, “Tell me how you want it.”

“Hard and deep. Deep and hard,” you confessed sultrily, looking him dead in the eye.

Jaehyun smirked. “That can be arranged.”

You watched Jaehyun shuffle out of his pants and put the condom on, but the bulk of your attention was set on that thick, girthy cock. Your mouth was watering. Maybe some other time you could suck him off, but right now getting it between your thighs was all you wanted.

It didn’t seem as if he glanced up, but Jaehyun said, “You’re staring.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” Jaehyun said.

You giggled. “No, I’m not.”

The sound faded when you spread your legs apart invitingly and he penetrated you at an excruciatingly slow pace, sinking deeper inch by fucking inch.

You and Jaehyun made a sound in harmony when he finally filled you to the hilt, grasping your waist and using it as anchor like he was at risk of going dangerously deep if he made one wrong move and never returning to the surface.

Good thing it was only the two of you. You, keeping quiet when he was this good with his hands and presumably even better with his thick cock? There was no way in hell.

“Oh my god…,” you whispered, obsessed with the sensation of being filled.

Whatever you were thinking right now, Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. You made his brain grind to a halt and stutter. “Does that feel okay?”

“More than okay,” you told him, because it was the truth. Somehow the pleasure was only spiking. The ecstasy continued to build.

You looked so beautiful beneath the golden-yellow hue of his lamplight and Jaehyun knew he would be fantasizing about how your face tensed with pleasure for weeks, if not months.

Jaehyun especially liked the way you were tightening around his cock, gripping it for dear life as if letting go simply wasn’t an option. You wound your legs around his hips and helped draw him into yours in spite of knowing it could ruin you, a telltale sign that your desire for more outweighed any rational thinking.

It just felt so good that it had to be illegal and though you knew that it wasn’t, it was damn near close.

There was still music playing from the vinyl player in the background that soothed any and all nerves that you could’ve ever had. You took a moment and inhaled deeply, breathing in the musk of Jaehyun and the scent of the candles.

Your eyes fluttered closed. It was ironic that you were on a raging high even though you hadn’t even gotten around to having your usual fill of marijuana. In legal terms, you were far from inebriated. But according to yourself? You were fiending for Jaehyun and found him lethally intoxicating.

His weight on top of you. His deep, guttural grunts in your ear between his jagged breaths. His perfect thrusts and the way he stroked you exactly how you wanted, all the while reaping his pleasure from your body.

It was fucking mind-blowing.

Jaehyun had a similar thought and it tore a noise out of him. His intentions in inviting you over tonight weren’t to have sex, in spite of his roommate’s attempts at getting him to get laid when he was only trying to break you in, but it was an unregrettable decision.

“You take it so good, baby,” Jaehyun said tenderly, but it barely scratched the tip of the iceberg of praises he had in storage especially for you.

Fuck, you wanted to hate how easy it was for him to kindle these rash flames inside of you, but your attraction to Jaehyun became undeniable the second you initiated the first rendezvous.

You were peering into Jaehyun’s soul, searching his whole face without knowing what you were looking for, and saw the euphoria fluttering his eyes closed and spreading his lips apart just enough for those heavenly sounds to slip through.

You guessed you found it then, because the tightening in the pit of your gut was at an all-time high and it wasn’t skipping out on the extremes.

Combing your hands through his hair, you whimpered, “I’m so close.”

Jaehyun accelerated his pace, wanting to take you to the ends of the earth and back. You noticed, because you could feel his hard dick slapping against your hips with a purpose, and you swore to god your eyes rolled somewhere black.

The end was creeping up on you from behind. You could feel it. Jaehyun could feel it himself, the telltale twitch of his cock indicating that he was pushing his limits.

“I want you to cum,” Jaehyun growled in no uncertain terms, his tone dominant. “Nice and hard. Can you do that for me, baby?”

“Yes,” you choked out.

If you were being frank, he didn’t even have to ask. It was impossible to hide the evidence of your impending orgasm, the heightened tremors in your voice and the shakiness in your body were more than enough proof.

All you could think about was how restlessly you were going after this orgasm and how terribly you needed it like it would fix every little thing going wrong in your life.

Your hands slipped from Jaehyun’s hair to his shoulders to finally his back, raking your nails down the flesh in a set of ministrations that were bound to leave red lines, and you rasped breathlessly, “Finish me.”

The hoarseness of your voice alone could’ve broken Jaehyun but he hung on for your sake, fingertips flitting to your sensitive, swollen clit again because he knew he wouldn’t last very much longer.

You were even more restless than before and it wasn’t long until Jaehyun granted your wish, your lips parting in a scream and your vision going totally black. Your toes curled into tight bends as you grinded your hips into Jaehyun, milking your release for every damn dime.

Jaehyun could feel you clenching rapidly and repeatedly around his cock and merely seconds after that it was game over. He came with the deepest, sexiest groan you had ever heard before in your life, hips stuttering as his cum filled the condom, and all you could think about was how this could not be a one-time thing.

The next few minutes were a blur. You only recalled Jaehyun peeling off you to dispose of the condom, the layers of sweat on your naked bodies keeping you connected, and returning to your side briefly.

Jaehyun scanned you for any signs of obvious discomfort. “Are you okay?”

Your mouth was hanging open, aggressive pants falling from your lips, but Jaehyun’s attention was no longer focused on your heaving chest - it was on you. “No, more like incredible.”

That had Jaehyun in the first half, but he snickered in amusement and relief when you wrapped up your sentence. “Do you wanna shower with me?”

“That’s kinda intimate,” you said, as if that was actually going to stop you. “Hell yeah, I do.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but there was a smile plain as day on his face. You cried out in surprise when he hauled you into his burly arms, hooking one of them under your knees, and carried you into his bathroom.

Your own individual toothbrush was in there on the sink counter squarely beside Jaehyun’s. It was only right that he let you keep one there, given how many late Friday nights you spent at his house instead of your own.

Plus some of your clothes were there, tucked into his drawers, but when you returned to his bedroom, you donned one of his shirts that was unsurprisingly oversized on you.

You sat on Jaehyun’s bed, memories of what you’d just done on his sheets still fresh, and watched him rifling through his vinyl catalog, but because he was shirtless you quickly got distracted by the view you had of his back.

At least until he turned around after setting the vinyl on his record player, apparently oblivious, and coming to sit at your side.

There was mischief on your face and you were struggling to stifle a giggle. It was obvious, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Jaehyun didn’t believe you at all, but he didn’t press.

You sighed contentedly, leaning into his naked chest. The little voice in your brain was thinking about how he smelled so clean and fresh, and good. Well, duh, she snapped. If you somehow weren’t paying attention, he just got out of the shower.

But you were definitely paying attention, maybe a little more than you should’ve. It wasn’t your fault he looked like the leading role of every romance book ever. This was a man out of every little girls’ childhood dreams and, more importantly, every grown woman’s wet ones.

As Jaehyun held you in his arms, you couldn’t help but think, spotting little items in his room that screamed, I come from money. “Jaehyun, is it okay if I ask you a question?”

Jaehyun hummed. You figured he might’ve been close to dozing off, but in reality, he was just captivated by the smell of your hair and hoping it lingered on his pillows.

“You’re pretty well-off, but you live with two other guys. You’re technically always alone, but you don’t live alone. Why?”

Now that wasn’t what Jaehyun was expecting you to ask him, but you were full of surprises. He took a moment to ponder his answer, finding himself reflecting. “It’s because of how I grew up, I guess. I was the only child, so it was just me and my parents in the house. I guess I kind of wanted to know what it's like to have brothers.”

You made a noise of content. “You’re close then.”

“Yup.”

You could feel Jaehyun playing with your hair and it made you smile gently.

“What about you and your friends?”

“What about them?”

“What’s the relationship like? Have you fucked Mark?”

You were taken aback, though rather than be affronted, the ridiculousness of that question made you laugh. “No way. I prefer my vagina itch-free,” you quipped.

Jaehyun chuckled. It was a shock that that kid got around town the way he did, but that was why Jaehyun had to respect the hustle.

Then, out of nowhere, you got a little sober. “On a serious note, Mark is my bestie and he’s what I imagine having a little brother is like. Johnny really likes him too, so sometimes I’ll walk in on them hanging out without me.”

You didn’t notice the way Jaehyun’s head bobbed along, but he was listening. It was believable. Mark was a social butterfly and impossible to dislike, no matter how irritating.

And he was only irritating to some. Those who didn’t find him to be a thorn in their side probably wanted him a number of inches deep in their guts.

You continued, “Yuta is more Johnny’s friend than he is mine, but he’s laidback. Haechan is a little shit but he’s funny as fuck. And you know Jeno is chaotic as ever.”

You were fond of your circles of friends. Most folks assumed it must’ve been suffocating to be the only girl amongst a group of insufferable horny dudes, but it wasn’t half bad. Jeno had tried to get into your pants before, but when you turned him down he took the rejection coolly.

Mark, like you said, was like a sibling to you and that went both ways. When somebody suggested the two of you hook up, his knee-jerk reaction was to hiss, “Ew!”

Haechan was a slut like all of them but he knew better than to slut himself out to you and Yuta, though you already couldn’t have been further from his type, was one of your older brother’s closest friends. According to Yuta himself, the thought of being in a relationship with you was hilarious.

Never mind the fact that he admitted he’d actually do it, but strictly for fun. Pissing off Johnny was his full-time job and dating his younger sister? It would’ve been the easiest way.

You and Jaehyun chatted until you couldn’t ignore each other’s incessant yawns and made the mutual agreement to crawl under the sheets together. A rare Jungkook appearance one weekend forced you into bed with each other and ever since that was how you’d slept.

Side by side, skin to skin.

The sun was brighter than ever when you woke up some hours later. You noticed that the curtains were open. And they had been since you likened Jaehyun to a vampire.

Speaking of Jaehyun, he was still sleeping like a rock beside you, completely still other than the gentle heave of his chest as he snored quietly. You crawled gingerly out of bed so as not to disturb his rest, the sight of him still asleep when you stood making you sigh out in relief.

After a quick wash-up in the bathroom, you headed downstairs for a snack. Your stomach was rumbling and you realized that you hadn’t eaten since you left home.

What you didn’t expect was to see Yugyeom half-naked in the kitchen though.

You weren’t sure why. It was his house and if he wanted to walk around like he just went skinny dipping, then he had that right. Fortunately, he was wearing sweatpants, so you were spared from that unsightly picture.

Yugyeom heard your footsteps and turned. “Oh, hey. Sleep good?”

“I only slept for a few hours,” you confessed, though you felt like you were quite well-rested. “But yeah, I slept pretty good.”

Yugyeom chuckled. “I bet.”

You said nothing else. Yugyeom wasn’t a total stranger, even before you started crashing at his house, but you weren’t close by any means.

“I didn’t think you’d be here,” you said after a pause, straddling a barstool.

“I mean, I do live here. Who do you think pays most of the bills?”

“Jaehyun,” you chirped.

“Okay, that’s fair. Who do you think pays the second most of the bills?”

“You and Jungkook, but it wasn’t always that way.”

Yugyeom threw in the towel, realizing Jaehyun had most definitely had this discussion with you at some point. Then, he started to laugh. Jaehyun was discussing their finances with you? There was no way in living hell.

I’ll be damned. Yugyeomed sighed in amusement. “You know, you’re the first girl I’ve seen last this long with Jaehyun.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not saying he’s a player, but I thought I’d stop seeing you around here, like, two weeks ago. For a girl to survive a month with him, she has to really crank up his brain. And Jaehyun isn’t easily impressed,” Yugyeom said.

It was obvious what he was implying and you knew exactly where this was heading. “I’m sure, but Jaehyun and I are just vibing.”

“I didn’t say that you weren’t.”

“Yes, but you think that we aren’t,” you replied, rubbing your arms. It was always cold the mornings after.

Yugyeom laughed. “No, I don’t. Not right now. I didn't even crack Jaehyun that soon. All I’m saying is Jaehyun is a real gem and I think that you have a solid chance.”

“And you want me to take it?”

Yugyeom was strategically bouncing around, going from subtly planting ideas in your head to making them seem as if they were your own. “Whatever you do with that information is out of my hands and none of my business.”

Your lips parted to speak, but you were fortunately saved by the bell. Footsteps were heard from the hall and Jaehyun emerged from around the corner, voice deep from sleep, “What are you two talking about?”

Yugyeom lied without hesitation, “How handsome you are, of course.”

Jaehyun didn’t believe it for a second, but he stole the barstool beside you and gently nudged your elbow. “You think I’m handsome?”

“Oh, the handsomest,” you deadpanned, but rested your head onto his shoulder.

Jaehyun let you. At least for a little while, but then he pulled you into his chest and mumbled groggily, “You left me.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your hands tangled into his dark hair. “I’ll stay next time.”

“Good.”

Yugyeom was peering into the fridge, shaking his head, wondering if he was the only one that saw your fate.

The whole weekend was spent in Jaehyun’s arms, restless. If you weren’t getting high on marijuana and chatting about whatever came to mind, you were dancing to one of his vinyls. If you weren’t kissing each other breathless, you were fucking each other senseless.

It was two days of whimsical fun, ignoring the world and its insignificant little woes. In many ways, Jaehyun was like your oasis.

You were starting to hate Mondays. They were the days where you realized that nothing was forever, every time without fail. The days you had to finally face the world after a weekend of neglecting its existence.

Plus you didn’t get a lot of Jaehyun during the other five days of the week, and though you understood your conflicting schedules, it was getting less and less easy to cope.

Finals week thankfully gave you less time to think about whatever the hell was blossoming between you and Jaehyun. You didn’t want to think about it, because you were well aware that it wouldn’t last. As perfectly as Jaehyun molded into you, there was no piece of him that fit the bigger picture.

But of course, you were pacing down your school’s courtyard with a bag slung over your shoulder when you noticed Mark’s footsteps catching up to you. “Wanna tell me why Johnny asked me if you’ve been going out with somebody lately?” he asked.

You pretended to be oblivious, keeping your head straight and your steps quick. “Why would he ask you that?”

“Because I’m your best friend and you tell me everything, or so I thought,” Mark hissed.

You groaned, weighing your options. You could keep this private love affair to yourself and let the guilt and pressure split you down the middle, or you could confide in your best friend and hope it took the edge off.

Pulling Mark behind a tree and scanning your surroundings for unwanted bystanders, you exhaled roughly and said, “Don’t freak out, but I may or may not be sleeping with Jeong Jaehyun on the weekends.”

Mark was understandably dumbfounded by that information and screeched aloud, “What the fuck, dude?”

“I just said don’t freak out!”

Mark shook his head, the total opposite of cool and collected. There was no way in hell he wasn’t going to freak out. “Are you kidding? Johnny literally wants to kill him.”

“God, I know,” you bemoaned, pressing a palm to your forehead. This whole situation combined with the stress of finals was giving you a splitting headache.

The shock was still evident on Mark’s face, but he seemed to be cooling off. “Shit, dude. This is crazy. Is the sex at least good?”

Your mind was fluttering with memories and it was hard to resist a smile. Getting laid right now would probably fix you. “Jeong Jaehyun may be a scoundrel for whatever reason, but I can reassure you he is not lacking in the sex department.”

Or any department. It was strange that in the weeks the two of you had spent bonding and the like, you had yet to identify a single red flag of Jaehyun’s. Apparently, the weirdest thing about this boy was the amount of pictures he kept of his toes.

“Oh my god,” Mark gasped.

“What?”

“That night you went upstairs to pee and didn’t come back,” Mark started, finally connecting the dots and displeased he hadn’t seen the hints earlier. “You were off screwing Jaehyun, weren’t you?”

“Actually, no. I was with him, yes, but we weren’t hooking up then.”

Mark was baffled to very fucking his core. That had to be half a decade ago. This whole time, you were spending your spare time on Jaehyun and nobody knew?

Gripping Mark by the shoulders, you stared into his eyes and said sternly, “Listen. You can’t tell Johnny.”

Your best friend made a face of disapproval, but nodded his head. “Alright. Fine.”

“I’m serious. You have to promise.”

Mark groaned, “Dude, I’m not gonna tell Johnny that you’re fucking Jaehyun. No matter how bizarre and borderline batshit insane that is to say aloud. I promise your secret is safe with me.”

You released his shoulders and a shaky breath, relenting. “Okay.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I approve.”

“Understandable. I can live with that.”

“I don’t see how,” Mark grumbled under his breath.

You frowned.

Months flew by. Christmas and News Year were a blur, two events you and Jaehyun spent at separate locations. Your parents were rarely home, but the winter holidays were a period of time that they always made sure to be around for. And Jaehyun paid his family a visit that week.

But then it was February, and the national holiday that was Jaehyun’s birthday came of nowhere.

“No way you were born on Valentine’s day,” you remembered telling him a few months back after asking him about his birthday. Jaehyun had groaned, more than accustomed to how this conversation played out. This was far from his first rodeo.

Though it was rare that a girl made it to actually celebrate his birthday with him.

Idiotically, you found yourself scorching with nerves that afternoon, overwhelmingly anxious. Your whole body was tense and you paced around your room antsily for hours until it was time to get in your car and head out to Jaehyun’s house.

You had gotten him a gift and you weren’t sure whether he would like it or not. Then again, you had spent weeks planning what you would give him based on every second of every little conversation you’d shared and you were half confident, half uncertain.

Jungkook opened the door to leave at the same moment you were preparing yourself to go inside, most likely heading to his girlfriend’s place after spending the morning celebrating his friend’s birthday, and held the door open for you. “Uh, do you need a minute?”

“No. Thank you,” you replied bashfully, catching the door and finally turning inside.

You took one more deep breath and paced upstairs while gripping the box in your hands so tightly it might’ve broken.

Jaehyun was sitting on his bed, his guitar in his hands instead of standing upright in the corner of his bedroom as typical, and glanced up when he heard your footsteps. “Hi.”

“Hi, birthday boy,” you greeted.

Jaehyun was smiling. You had already wished him a happy birthday at midnight on the dot which was a sweet gesture in itself.

“I, uh, got you something,” you said, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so nervous.

“I can see that.” Jaehyun set his guitar aside. There was curiosity in his stare, but he whispered, “You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to. You’re my… friend,” you told him awkwardly, handing over the gift before it made you say something stupid. “I didn’t know what to get a guy who has literally everything he wants, but I tried.”

Jaehyun accepted the gift box graciously, peeling off the wrap, and said, “Whatever you got me is more than enough, baby.”

You sure hoped so. You didn’t spend the past few weeks stressing over this very moment for nothing. You wanted to give him something thoughtful and memorable.

Anticipation made your heart sound like thunder. You fidgeted, twiddling your thumbs as Jaehyun slowly opened the box, retrieving a guitar strap alongside a couple of other items. The awe that tensed Jaehyun’s features was authentic and your heart was taut with giddiness when his lips tugged into a beaming smile.

A few words scribbled onto the guitar strap caught Jaehyun’s attention and he unhesitatingly pulled them closer to his face to get a better look. It was like a little note, but words only you would say. Play me till the end.

“Wow,” Jaehyun whispered, feeling a thumping inside of his ribcage. “You… I literally mentioned that I wanted one of these in passing.”

“When you talk, I listen.”

Jaehyun’s eyes met yours. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you murmured, straddling his lap and tossing your arms around his neck. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Jaehyun set his hands at your hips and kissed you restlessly, restraint taking the backseat as he absorbed every bit of your warmth and used it to fuel his fire. Your lips took him to the other side but your hands kept him grounded.

Things felt different now. Kissing Jaehyun had never not been spellbinding, but right now? The feeling in your chest was indescribably hot.

But it was dangerous and terrifying. It defied everything you told yourself to be true, and every principle you had laid out. This was deeper than building a relationship with the enemy. It was the intimacy that accompanied trusting another guy with your heart, and fighting the unshakable doubts.

You had built something of a friendship with Jaehyun. Friends that occasionally kissed and felt each other up and had hooked up more than once.

But what if you wanted more? What if you were really two star-crossed lovers that couldn’t have each other? What if?

Jaehyun wondered if your feelings had gotten as tense as his were. Months ago, he was telling himself not to get too close to you because of who your brother was and your clear lack of romantic intentions, but no amount of walls he put up could’ve prevented his feelings from getting this deep.

You wouldn’t tell him even if they had. What good would it have done for him to know that you loved him, but you couldn’t have him?

When Jaehyun pulled back, he stared into your eyes, not at your lips. “Let’s go make hot cocoa,” he said after a pause.

You blinked in surprise, but Jaehyun was already tugging you along before you could even think.

The time in the kitchen together was a beautiful mess. You liked randomly bursting out into song and Jaehyun liked dancing, which ultimately turned into him tenderly cradling you there in his arms and mumbling into your ear, the hot cocoa all but forgotten.

You especially liked the toasty smell of a hot, creamy mug of hot chocolate. It was very Jaehyun-like. The winter seasons in general were reminiscent of his personality, not because he was cold (like some people assumed), but the sheer opposite.

Jaehyun was the warmest guy that you had ever met, in a way. Anyone who said otherwise didn’t have the privilege of knowing him, but you? You liked to think that you had him all figured out.

Maybe there was a chance you did to an extent. Getting to know him over the course of these long months had definitely shifted your previous perspective. Jaehyun kept to himself because he was afraid of his vulnerability being used as a weapon, but when you broke those stubborn barriers, you saw that Jaehyun was just a guy that wanted a home.

He had one, metaphorically speaking, but no one to share it between. That was why you used to think he was shy, and why others thought he was cold. Jaehyun wanted to protect the home he’d built for himself and was reluctant to let others in, because he wanted it to be sturdy for the ones he would let stay.

A hopeless romantic to his core.

After making sure the kitchen was tidy, Jaehyun led you away to the infamous white couch that stretched along his living room wall. Your favorite spot in the whole house. Aside from his bedroom, of course.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, couldn’t decide. Half of it was littered in a slew of memories of you and his whole bedroom smelled more like you than it did himself now. Picking a favorite would be an impossible choice.

There was a lull of silence as the two of you sipped from your mugs, but it wasn’t an issue. The silence was always comfortable with Jaehyun, as well as literally everything else about him.

Though you didn’t notice, the weird thing now was that Jaehyun was less secure. He didn’t make it obvious, but he was remarkably nervous. Jaehyun tried to cloak his nerves when he said, “I kind of got you something, too.”

Your eyes went wide with shock. “You got me something… for your birthday?”

“I mean, yeah. It’s also Valentine’s day and you’re… important to me,” Jaehyun confessed softly, a tiny smile breaking out onto his lips.

“I am?”

“You are,” he whispered, hurriedly reaching into his pockets for something. Imagine your surprise when he dropped a USB drive into the palm of your hand. “Stick it into your computer when you get home.”

You nodded obediently, sitting it on the coffee table so that it wouldn’t be crushed in your jeans, but your innate curiosity was never satisfied and you asked, “What’s on it?”

“A surprise,” was all Jaehhyun said.

You hummed. If Jaehyun didn’t want to tell you, you knew it would be pointless to press.

But you would be lying if you said that it wasn’t killing you.

Jaehyun knew that. He knew you were a curious individual, because he was drawn to your insatiable need to know. But he didn’t want to be there to see your reaction. Just looking at you made his chest taut and rejection’s brutal fangs still ripped him to shreds.

At least you couldn’t tell by looking at him. Jaehyun had made sure of that. “Talk to me,” he said, squeezing your hand.

You smiled, because his hands were warm from the hot cocoa. “About what?”

“Tell me more about yourself. It’s been months, but I feel like there’s still more to know about you. Talk to me about what you love. Your hopes and dreams.”

A little sigh left you. “Where do I even begin?” That was what you said, but you’d already continued without affording yourself any time to pause. “I want to be an orthopedic surgeon. I’m obsessed with anatomy and how our bodies function. That’s why I’ve been busting my ass for grad school.”

That much was obvious. Anybody that saw you on the party scene might’ve assumed you were merely another hopeless college student who only knew hooking up and getting shit-faced drunk, but Jaehyun’s first time seeing you was in the back of a library with a laptop and a heap of textbooks.

You were a hard-worker and no hangover stood a chance between you and your goals. But you were also just a normal girl who wanted to let loose sometimes. It was the perfect balance.

Jaehyun was a keen listener. “That sounds tough.”

You fought a groan. “God, yes. But it’s so worth it. It’s my senior year and I’ve been waiting my whole life for med school.”

“You’ve wanted to be a surgeon for that long?”

“I’ve always known who I wanted to be,” you exhaled contentedly. And for that you were endlessly grateful. “What about you?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “No. Not always. First, I guess I had to leave home and do the whole ‘finding yourself’ thing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s rare that people are born with an innate sense of who they are. We deserve to live life through trial and error. That’s freedom,” you said.

Jaehyun wholeheartedly agreed. Leaving home to explore his identity might’ve been the toughest decision he ever made, but also the best one. “What about love?”

“What about it?”

“Did you ever dream of that, too?”

You should’ve figured he would go there. It was the essential question. The world of trauma beyond your control. “I used to,” you admitted, somber. “I just haven’t had a ton of faith in it lately. That’s what happens when you grow up, I think. You realize life’s not like the movies.”

Funny how I call you a hopeless romantic when hopeless romantics are anything but hopeless. In spite of the pain and the betrayal, they refuse to accept that they might die alone one day. If anything, I’m the hopeless one. I’ve fallen in love with the one boy I could never make mine.

Jaehyun frowned for a split second, but recovered quickly. “Yeah, I know.”

You wondered who had hurt him, but chose not to ask. If he wanted to tell you, then he already would’ve.

“You didn’t ask me,” Jaehyun started.

You glanced up at him.

“About my pain,” he continued shortly. “About her.”

“I didn’t think you were ready.”

“Do you want to know?”

“I mean, yeah. Of course, I want to know who hurt you and how that made you who you are. I want to understand you. But only as much as you want me to,” you told him. The truth was that as curious as you were, you were afraid of overstepping. The same way that Jaehyun was terrified of oversharing.

He replied with total certainty, “I want you to know.”

You swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat and unsure why. It was his deep, dark secrets being revealed, not yours. Plus you were positive there wasn’t a single person in the county who didn’t know your history with your one and only ex. “Okay. Take your time.”

Jaehyun heaved a shaky breath, preparing himself to share something that he’d never specifically told anyone. “Back home in Seoul, I dated a girl. I was naive and I thought she was the one. But she wasn’t. She only wanted a guy handsome enough to impress her parents.”

You maintained eye contact to let Jaehyun know you were listening.

Jaehyun continued, “I guess we had different desires in life. She wanted a boy to show off and I wanted a girl who was my best friend at the foundation. We only talked about surface things. I couldn’t be myself around her.”

You nodded. That sounded like the Jaehyun you knew.

“Then, I found out she was cheating on me,” Jaehyun added calmly, but he still recalled the trembles of anger that wrecked through his body. “And I left her then and there. I dipped. I might’ve been a naive idiot, but I knew my worth. She was my first and my last.”

You were shocked. That you shared the same pain - an unfaithful partner - and that Jaehyun hadn’t had nearly as many other partners as you thought he would’ve. “You’ve only dated once?”

“For me, once was enough to figure out what I wanted in a relationship, and it wasn’t a girl who I could barely trust or be myself with,” Jaehyun said. “I talked to other girls, but like I said before, nothing lasted, and I’ve obviously hooked up.”

Ironically, I’ve been hurt more by girls I never had than a girl that was supposed to belong to me.

“I harbored resentment for a long time, but what lasted longer was the leftover fear of trusting someone again. I only let people see what I want them to see. And because of that, I’m a little lonely sometimes, but it’s okay.”

“Does it get sad?” you asked quietly.

Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe, but it’s better than being heartbroken. Anyways, I’ve gotten better about inviting people into my life and having good judgment. Time makes it easier.”

You make it easier, was what he meant, but Jaehyun wasn’t that bold yet. He might have been the one to approach you and attempt to initiate this private affair, but you sticking around was the last thing he expected. And that opened the door for the possibility that relationships didn’t have expiration dates.

Reading between the lines, you were hoping that somewhere along them he wasn’t hinting about a potential future with you. Jaehyun’s head was in the clouds, but you were grounded below the surface. Because you had already resigned yourself to the fact that you didn’t have a future together.

But of course, that never stopped you from letting him undress you.

You were hyper aware of Jaehyun’s eyes staring into yours and it was beginning to unnerve you a little. “Is there hot cocoa on my face?”

Jaehyun shook his head with a cute laugh and finally leaned into you for a kiss, obviously done speaking and prepared to show. You let him take you down onto the couch, laid defenseless beneath him, on the edge of surrender.

You giggled into his lips, pleased at how silly it was that he tasted like the hot drink you’d shared. Your hands were wound through his hair and tugging him closer to you, wanting to be inseparable. You wouldn’t be sated till his soul was tied to yours.

When it came to your body, you were more than inclined to let Jaehyun dominate you. But your heart was more than you had bargained for.

Jaehyun yanked at the waistband of your sweatpants and you swore you could sense your heart swelling with the exhilaration of getting laid by the only guy you wanted. You raised your hips, letting him take them and your underwear from underneath you.

You gasped loudly when his fingers ghosted along the insides of your thighs and unhurriedly traveled to your core, which was throbbing at the barest of touches. Jaehyun made you ache. Your body neglected every thought that didn’t concern him when it longed for him to use it until you were sore.

Jaehyun sucked a slick pair of fingers into his mouth fleetingly before inserting them inside your pussy, making you verbally respond to the contact with a soft whimper, and stole the sound right from your lips with a hot wet kiss. You only tightened around his digits when he pressed his lips to you and it made his head spin quicker than ever.

You pulled back and panted, “So, you won’t let me sleep on the couch, but you’ll fuck me on it?”

“It’s seen worse days,” Jaehyun said, muting the sound of his own chuckle when he pressed his mouth to your neck.

You were torn between a laugh and a moan and the final sound was a breathy whimper of Jaehyun’s name. His mouth felt too good on your neck and you couldn’t forget his hands between your parted legs. Gentleman in the streets, but a beast in the sheets.

Jaehyun was touching you impatiently. Your exhales were loud and jagged when he pulled back from your stained throat, and Jaehyun couldn’t help but imagine the noises you would make when he was finally seated deeply inside of your pussy that was clenching around his long slender digits.

Deciding you were wet enough to take his cock, Jaehyun recouped his hand from between your thighs and asked, “You ready for me, baby?”

“More than,” you whispered, disgruntled with the emptiness but consoled by the knowledge that you would be full of him momentarily.

Jaehyun stepped out of his clothes without hesitation and got a hold of your naked legs, dragging you toward him and leaving no room for empty space. The two of you locked eyes when he finally started to penetrate you and he looked at you with need. But you glanced away. You couldn’t stare into his soul as he captured yours. You couldn’t do it.

You moaned when he pushed the head of his cock through your entrance and again when it went as deeply as it could enter. The stretch was so mad, but so good. You never knew how closely the pain could be interlocked to pleasure before Jaehyun took you for a spin on his big cock.

Jaehyun pulled out with a disgruntled groan, stealing the pleasure before you could really soak in the sensation.

You winced your eyes open and asked confusedly, “Why did you do that?”

“I forgot a condom,” Jaehyun admitted bashfully, a timid little glint in his stare.

“Gee, you sure chose a fantastic time to remember,” you deadpanned.

Jaehyun looked like he was a little ashamed and it amused the hell out of you. In the heat of your vice-like cunt, he’d lost track of all thoughts other than getting his cock inside.

You gawked when he stood and you caught an eyeful of his cute butt when he turned for the stairs. “Where are you going?”

Like it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, Jaehyun replied nonchalantly, “To get a condom.”

“Sit your cute ass down,” you told him a bit too assertively. “You can have me raw.”

Jaehyun looked like his brain short-circuited. “For real?”

You nodded. “Yes, for real, you dummy. Just pull out.”

Jaehyun combed his fingers through his hair and groaned, “That’s one hell of a responsibility, woman.”

You purred teasingly, “Are you scared you won’t be able to do it, or are you scared that you’ll bust too fast?”

Jaehyun’s eyes fell to your gorgeous, spread legs, thickly swallowing the lump in his throat at the mouth-watering sight of you laid bare and exposed as you waited for him to take you. Fuck. Maybe both.

You snickered to yourself. Unbeknownst to Jaehyun, you were on birth control. And you had no intention of telling him right now. You wanted to gauge his restraint.

Jaehyun didn’t reply, but he did return to the couch to slip between your folds again, and that was even better. Your pussy throbbed tirelessly, missing the way his thick cock stretched you out, and it drew deep grunts from the very back edge of Jaehyun’s throat.

You could feel every inch of him pressed deep inside your pulsing walls, flush against you. All of him. There was literally nothing to separate the two of you, exactly as you had wanted, only the heat and tightness of your cunt suffocating his cock relentlessly.

Jaehyun loved how you took him like a fucking champ. You sucked his cock back in like you needed it, like you needed him just as badly as he needed you. Your eyes winced closed and your lips parted as you sang his name in a shrill whimper.

You were rapt with ecstasy at his long, deep thrusts that took you to the moon. The pain and guilty thoughts disappeared into his slow yet steady rhythm, as if Jaehyun wanted to make sure you could feel every bit of himself that he had to offer.

Like he was making love to you.

“You’re so beautiful. I’m in love with your body,” Jaehyun whispered gently into your ear, hooked on you.

You moaned, oblivious to the fact that he really meant he was in love with you. When your naked bodies were bursting with heat and satisfaction, meeting each other in a wet collision, all else ceased to matter.

Jaehyun kissed you again. You swore he stole the pulse right from your chest in that very moment, your heart open to him. His hands were everywhere, tenderly cupping your breasts and thumbing your stiff nipples. This was pleasure. This was elysian. This was all yours.

You were breathless when the two of you separated and the minutes of your lips tangled together felt like mere seconds. God, Jaehyun made you insatiable. As you did to him. The two of you couldn’t get enough, not of the sex and not of each other. It was lethally dangerous to want something as badly as you both wanted one another.

But you knew that when you laid eyes on him, when you indulged him. You knew that he was endless trouble and yet you crept into his arms anyway like a moth to the flame.

“God, fuck,” you rasped, throat hoarse from how you were screeching his name. “You make me feel so good.”

Jaehyun was so gentle and affectionate with you, tickling kisses down every bit of your soft skin his lips could access. It was times like these, when he completed you perfectly, where you welcomed the thought that you were made for each other. And only for each other.

Your mouth was dry, open with every halfway cry of Jaehyun’s name that you could manage. Your skin was damp and sticky with moisture, a thin layer of sweat keeping his skin adhering to yours. Of course, there was a similar glistening sheen dripping down Jaehyun, beading at his forehead and neck.

It made you lick your chapped lips. This man was abundantly mouth-watering. You wanted to give him anything he wanted and in this sex-induced haze, you knew that you would have.

Jaehyun noticed your eyes fixated on literally anywhere but his face and it made him chuckle smugly. He craned his head downwards to nibble beneath your ear and groan praises about how perfect and tight you were around his cock.

You tangled your hands in his hair again, desperate to ground yourself, before sitting them at his handsome broad shoulders. He had no business being this good at touching and fucking you. You were downright ashamed of the noises that left your lips but made no attempts to block the pleasure causing them to slip into the dense air.

“Like that. Fuck, I’m gonna cum, Jay,” you whimpered, squeezing his shoulders.

The thought of you releasing around his bare cock made a shudder shoot through Jaehyun and he almost couldn’t take it. You sensed his pace getting a little rougher, as if he was out to get you. Out to finish you. “Look at me,” he growled.

You did. You didn’t have any other options. Not when it was him bleeding you dry, making your body dependent on his touches.

Looking into his dark eyes, everything stopped. The whole world was set on pause. You almost couldn’t breathe. This was how it felt to fall with no anchor.

“I want you to cum on my cock,” Jaehyun said lowly, rutting into you at a dangerous pace.

You nodded. You were completely submissive to his desires.

There was a throbbing pressure in your gut that only got harsher with every wet smack of Jaehyun’s hips into yours. You wound your legs around his waist and pulled him into you, wanting to fuse together your limbs.

Your body felt as if it were on fire. The sweat cooling down your neck, the lack of oxygen in the air. The breaths Jaehyun snatched plain from your lips. It was more than enough to take you out.

Jaehyun watched as your orgasm finally seized you in its open arms, taking you by surprise. Your abs tensed viciously and you arched into Jaehyun with pleasure, sensing your eyes roll to the very back of your head and your toes curl into taut knots.

You were still sensitive from your climax but Jaehyun’s pace was absolutely unforgiving, rutting into you mercilessly through your release. The tightness of your pussy drew a thick groan out of his mouth, but he still wasn’t done with you yet. And you were very keen on letting him use your body until he finished.

Jaehyun relented when you finally started to calm down after coming undone, kissing your cheeks and the corner of your lips as you went almost entirely slack. The only motion in you was the aggressive heave of your chest as you panted for breath.

You let Jaehyun thrust in and out of you, fighting the overstimulation for his sake. You were content to feel him brushing against your slick walls and hear those breathy grunts.

Smoothing your hands up and down his burly arms, you whispered, “Jay, baby, keep going. I don’t care how long it takes. Fuck me until you’re done.”

Jaehyun bit his lip to veil a pathetic moan at those words. After he took care of your needs, you were letting him ply you for his own pleasure. You were his vice, his ruining. Your fingers grazed across his back, gathering the droplets of moisture that were beading at the surface.

You could feel how hot his skin was, burning up in the heat of you.

Abruptly, Jaehyun pulled out of you and tore you upright, holding his desperate cock in the palm of his hand as he groaned, “Get on your knees.”

You obeyed without hesitation, meek. Crawling onto the carpet floor, you took him in your palms and stroked his thick girthy cock gingerly, careful not to be too rough. He was victimless in your warm hands, needy and at your mercy, leaving you with total control.

Then it was game over for Jaehyun when you finally took him between your soft lips, gently easing him to the back of your throat. God, it was a struggle to fit his big cock completely into your mouth, but you somehow managed. You kept your cheeks hollowed, opening them for him to thrust.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun moaned, head thrown back and eyes winced closed. You knew exactly what needed to be done to finish him off.

You liked playing with his cock, obviously, but you loved having it in your mouth way more. There was nothing like driving Jaehyun to the cusp of insanity, teasing him with your tongue and hot mouth, plucking those beautiful sounds out of his lips. He lost himself whenever he was inside your throat.

Jaehyun was in total bliss. Your mouth was no less impressive than your sheathlike cunt for all he knew, your lips wrapping around his stiff cock feverishly without a doubt in your mind that you could make him lose his own, and he almost didn’t want to orgasm yet. He only knew you, and what you did to him. And he was too greedy to want it to end.

You had this boy all to yourself, wrapped tightly around your fingers with nowhere to hide. And you didn’t have the slightest clue what to do with him, or yourself.

Aside from pleasuring each other in bed, or on the couch in this case. You were exceptionally gifted at getting him off.

Jaehyun could feel himself approaching the threshold of release and he did everything in his power to fight it off, to keep it at bay, but it was basically useless. He couldn’t even help but fuck your mouth. You were working him too good and he was coming whether he liked it or not.

You were impressed that he had even lasted this long. Normally, when you let a guy hit it raw, they could barely resist emptying their load into you at the peak of climax.

Jaehyun ultimately couldn’t control himself anymore and his jaw slacked with a deep, lethal groan as his hips came to a total standstill, painting the back of your throat with a streak of cum. Fuck, it was the sexiest noise you’d ever heard, and it aroused a throbbing between your legs.

You managed to gulp him down and it was the hottest thing Jaehyun had ever seen watching you swallow his cum like that. He pulled back, a misty gleam in his dark soulless eyes as he collapsed onto the couch, breathless. There was a layer of dew at your lashes and you dabbed at your eyes to wipe them clear.

Jaehyun looked like he’d just had the ground ripped from underneath him. “You just blew my mind,” he said through jagged breaths.

You didn’t miss a beat. “I just blew you.”

Jaehyun laughed, shaking the hair out of his face.

After both of you found your clothes and redressed yourselves, you decided to mention slyly, “By the way, I’m on birth control.”

Jaehyun’s mouth gaped open. “Are you serious? I was scared you might get pregnant.”

“That didn’t stop you from fucking me though, now did it?” you replied, crossing your arms.

“I wasn’t that scared.”

You snickered. This idiot was a man you wanted to protect with your life, but you knew that you lacked the arsenal. “Besides, at least our baby would’ve had the world’s finest father.”

“And the world’s finest mother. They would’ve been beautiful,” Jaehyun flirted.

Your cheeks flushed with heat at the compliment and his obvious flirtatious behavior. “I meant that you would’ve been a good dad, but sure. That works too.”

Jaehyun’s eyes flickered in shock. “Why do you think that?”

You shrugged, not thinking too hard about it. You didn’t need to when the answer was right at the tip of your tongue. “Because love itself is your passion. You’re selfless, patient. Protective. And you fight for what you love.”

Jaehyun said nothing. He was mulling over your confession, suspiciously quiet the whole time, but you were so tired that you hardly noticed. Your body was spent and you wanted to go upstairs and climb into his bed.

You stretched your arms over your head and stood to collect the cocoa-stained dishes in your arms. Jaehyun blinked at the action, and would’ve stopped you to do it himself, but you were already halfway to the kitchen by the time he noticed.

Jaehyun walked over and pressed himself behind you, draping his arms around your hips and resting his chin on your shoulder. You giggled, enamored with how it felt to be skin-to-skin with him, and when you finished with the two mugs, he reached over your head to set them down in the cabinets.

You dragged Jaehyun upstairs by his arm to his own bedroom and slipped beneath his silk sheets, but invited him to drape himself above you and rest his head on your chest like you were his fluffy pillow and he was the thick, cozy blankets.

It was comfortable that way. You liked Jaehyun’s weight on you, so close to you, crushed beneath the pressure. His arms would tangle around you and leave you little room to escape. But you wouldn’t want to leave.

That was how you woke up sometimes. You used to be afraid that you’d accidentally rouse him and disturb his beauty slumber, but Jaehyun always slept like a ton of bricks. This boy could probably sleep through a hurricane and wake up wondering what happened to his roof.

You sighed, whisking your fingers through his dark hair and staring at his face. You expected his eyes to be closed when you looked at him, but they were watching you. The ache in your chest was unignorable, unbearable.

Those long nights and shorter mornings with Jaehyun were all you had, but you wanted something of permanence and you were finally admitting it to yourself. You knew these moments couldn’t last forever and didn’t attempt to deny it, but you were hoping and wishing.

Smoothing your thumb down Jaehyun’s cheek, you felt a piece of your heart crumble. I can’t have you and I don’t even know why.

“Jay?” you whispered.

“Hm?”

You hesitated, brimming with reluctance. A few months ago, you would’ve thought it wasn’t your place to ask, but dammit Johnny was your brother and Jaehyun… meant something to you. This was officially your business. “Why does my brother hate you?” you asked.

Jaehyun sat up abruptly, surprised. You matched the shock in his eyes, startled by his sudden movements. “You don’t know?”

You shook your head. “No. Johnny never told me. I assumed he would when he was ready, but it’s killing me and I need to know.” Because I can’t make sense of why we can’t be together, but ironically, it makes it easier to justify being here with you right now.

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, looking particularly perturbed. No wonder it was so easy for you to climb into bed with him. Night after night, weekend after weekend.

You were almost afraid to ask, “Is this going to change my perspective on you?”

“It shouldn’t if you believe me,” Jaehyun said, but the truth was that he wasn’t too confident that you’d take his side.

You peered up at him expectantly, resting your hand on his back while he sat beside you. You were partly terrified to know the truth, watching him nervously, but god, you were exhausted of being kept in the dark.

Jaehyun exhaled deeply. He didn’t want to lose you, not before he truly had you, but he knew what he was, and more importantly, he knew what he wasn’t. “You knew Mike, right?”

You bobbed your head, lips parting in surprise at the mention of Johnny’s friend, but let him continue.

Jaehyun explained, “I’m sure you know, but he was addicted to drugs and it was fucking up his whole life. I tried to help him get clean before he fucked around and killed himself. And he was, I think. That’s what he said.”

You recognized this story. Johnny had said something similar, but it was about his own efforts. You somehow never realized that Jaehyun and Mike were friends. “But?”

“But then he wasn’t clean anymore,” Jaehyun said in the tiniest voice ever. “Last year, at one of Xiaojun’s parties. It came out of nowhere. He overdosed on fent and coke.”

You knew that too. And you hated that Mike was gone so soon, taken by a poison he couldn’t stop once he’d gotten his hands on it. It was heartbreaking.

“Then some people started to say that I did it, that I gave him the drugs. And I was at the party only a room away when he OD’d, but I swear to god it wasn’t me. But they ran with it anyway.”

You frowned, pausing your hands’ consolations at his back in shock. It was starting to add up now, why Johnny hated Jaehyun. Because he thought he was complicit in the death of one of his closest friends.

That was when he started to become a tad too overprotective of you and it didn’t take a genius to piece together why, but you never knew it was the reason he loathed Jaehyun and didn’t want you anywhere near him. There were so many nights where you went to parties at Jaehyun’s house and Johnny would ask if you’d done any drugs.

Because of Jaehyun.

“God, to this day, I want to punch the bastard that gave Mike that stuff. And if I knew who he was, I’d kick his ass. So, I can understand why Johnny wants to kick mine. But it wasn’t me,” Jaehyun said, sounding broken.

You blinked, taking it all in silently. You were at a crossroads.

Though he was hesitant, Jaehyun glanced into your eyes, unsure of what your silence meant. It was killing him. “Please tell me you believe me.”

“I believe you,” you said, because you did. You had no reason to doubt Jaehyun. Plus you hadn’t known him to press his luck with anything other than weed in the time that you’d known each other.

“Thank god,” Jaehyun sighed in relief. “Does this change things between us?”

You shook your head. “No. I thought you were a good guy before and I still think you’re a good guy now. Nothing is new.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

Jaehyun rested his head on your shoulder and mumbled with obvious melancholy, “Trusting me.”

You laced your fingers through Jaehyun’s, squeezing his hand. “I’ll always trust you.”

That warmed Jaehyun’s heart and he sat there wondering what he had done to deserve you. It felt like there was a burden lifted from his shoulders.

The day went on, bleeding into night. You expected Jaehyun to want to go somewhere to celebrate his birthday, but he reassured you that he was more than content to spend it indoors with you.

Still, it made you a little sad and you tried your best to cloak your gloomy emotions with your affections. You didn’t want Jaehyun to know, but you were thinking about how nice it would’ve been to do something as simple as go out together.

Reasonably, you were shocked when Jaehyun said, “I want to try out this Japanese restaurant with you next weekend.”

You blinked. “You want to go out… with me?” you asked, making sure you weren’t mistaken.

Jaehyun nodded, enthusiastic. “Is that a bad idea?”

“What if we get caught together?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Of course it is. You don’t have anything to lose,” you said, but your tone was humorous.

Jaehyun replied without hesitation, “I have you to lose.”

You were sold. Those five words were all you needed to hear.

There was a ginormous beaming smile on your face when you both finally decided to call it a night and you fell asleep with a certain soreness in your cheeks.

Jaehyun stayed up a little later than you had. Not on purpose, but it was impossible to rest his eyes when he was distracted by your sleep patterns. Your soft snores and the way your hand curled over his stomach.

It was the sheer opposite of annoying. It was intoxicating.

He was the one clinging to you when you roused from bed after sunrise. You felt bad for slipping away like a thief in the night, but in your defense, it was daytime and you had to be in your professor’s classroom for attendance.

After washing up and tossing on a spare outfit you had in Jaehyun’s room for events like these, you scribbled an apologetic note that he would surely find on his nightstand and quietly crept downstairs with a sadness weighing on you now that you had to leave.

And surely enough, Jaehyun woke up to the note and smiled like a dumbass when he rubbed his eyes and read it to himself.

Good morning, sleeping handsome. I’m gonna miss you today, but I have an early afternoon class that I have to pass to graduate. You sleep like deadweight, by the way. I had to fight out of your arms and you didn’t notice. See you next weekend. Call me.

Jaehyun crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom for a shower, but he could tell that you’d obviously already taken one with a single simple glance, and he was wishing you had invited him to join you.

Now he sounded like a guy. Which was fair, because he was one.

You raced home after class ended. Though you had more than enough exams that it would’ve been a good idea to study for, the main thing on your mind was plugging in the flash drive Jaehyun had gifted you, because you still were dying to know what was on it.

It was safe to say that a song was the last thing you were expecting.

You froze on your bed, unsure of how to feel. Everything hit you hard. The wistful yet romantic lyrics, the softness of his voice. Jaehyun was pouring his heart out to you, opening up to you about his feelings the best way he knew how.

There was a ripple of emotions bursting through you. The lyrics were a little too sentimental for you to attempt to convince yourself that this wasn’t Jaehyun’s idea of a love confession. Maybe you’d known all along, but you didn’t want to accept it, because you knew that it wasn’t written in the stars.

Now you had no choice.

You sat there and cried. God, it was a beautiful song and that only made the tears drip even harder. You were bemused and overwhelmed. Bemused that he had obviously taken a lot of time out of his busy life to sit there and record a song for you, and overwhelmed by everything else.

Jaehyun loves me. Jaehyun really loves me, you thought, admitting it to yourself. And it scared you to death, because you loved him too.

Then the day came for you to hang out at the restaurant. It was the first time you and Jaehyun actually spent time together outside of his house. The meetup on the bridge and the incident at Jeno’s house didn’t count. Those were merely instances you’d happened to cross paths.

When Jaehyun came up behind you in a back hug while you were waiting for him (you were embarrassingly early), you didn’t jolt or startle, relaxing into his touch without sparing him a glance first. Nobody else would be wearing his sexy ass cologne.

You didn’t mention the song or acknowledge the obvious romantic tension between you at all, much to Jaehyun’s disappointment. But he knew you definitely took the flash drive back home. It wasn’t on the coffee table when he went downstairs, meaning you had grabbed it on your way out.

He couldn’t help but wonder if you had listened to it and vividly pictured your reaction, but Jaehyun knew it would be pointless obsessing over the thought if he wasn’t going to ask.

The truth was that you were conflicted. Your heart wanted Jaehyun, but you were rational and knew it was ridiculous. There was no point in setting yourselves up for more useless heartbreak.

But you had fun with Jaehyun in that restaurant. You didn’t want to admit it, but it was the closest thing to a date you would ever have with him. You talked and held hands underneath the table like the pair of lovers you hoped you were in another life.

Your insatiable lovesick heart was aching for more. And the worst part was that Jaehyun was oftentimes right there in your arms but had never felt further.

It wasn’t until you were unfortunately back home and walking through the front door that you read aloud the text you’d received from Johnny. We need to talk. I’ll be home in an hour. “Well, that cannot be good,” you mumbled to yourself.

“It isn’t.”

You jolted in alarm. You didn’t know Johnny was home, though it had most definitely been well over an hour. Jaehyun was too interesting for you to even think about touching your phone once.

Given the familiar less than content glare on Johnny’s face, you fought a groan, wondering what you could’ve possibly done now when you’d been on your best behavior lately. You lilted in the usual tone you used when you wanted to get out of trouble, “Hi, my handsome big brother that I love dearly.”

Johnny, obviously not in the mood, snapped, “Taeyong saw you with Jaehyun today. You wanna explain that to me?”

That was the last thing you expected him to say and the shock was plain on your face. “What?”

Johnny shook his head, unsurprised that you were acting clueless, and though he was furious he tried not to raise his voice. “Don’t play dumb. Are you dating him - fucking him?”

“I’m not dating him, we’re just…,” you trailed in frustration, realizing that you’d been caught. “Shit, yeah. I’ve fucked him and we’re hanging out.”

Johnny blew out a long, exasperated sigh. “I can’t believe this. God, my own sister.”

Tears threatened. At this point, you were desperate. Your whole world was crashing down without warning. You wished you would’ve at least seen the text and braced yourself. “Johnny, please. If you gave him a chance, I think you two would really like each other!”

“I could never like him,” Johnny replied viciously, face tensing in fury as if the suggestion was an affront to his entire existence.

You approached Johnny, somehow mustering the courage to come near him. “Please listen to me, alright? He didn’t do it, Johnny. It wasn’t him!”

Johnny gawked. He couldn’t believe you were defending Jaehyun and took a gigantic step back, wanting to be nowhere near you. He hissed, “Of course that’s what the bastard told you. Did he give you proof?”

Frantic, you shook your head, and it came to you that you only had trust to back Jaehyun’s claims. “No, but...”

Johnny grabbed his keys and interjected, “Stop. Just stop. I don’t even want to see your face right now.”

Your lips were agape when Johnny stormed towards the garage, full of purebred rage and disappointment.

After a few minutes, the shock started to dull away and you temporarily regained the ability to function, racing upstairs to your bedroom to be inert. You hated the brutal sting splitting you in half. While your thoughts were on pause and you were consumed by emptiness, it was the one thing keeping you from dissociating.

Sitting there on your bed, knees pressed to your chest and your arms curled around yourself, you couldn’t even cry. It would come, but right now you were trying to process the pain. And in the meantime, you realized what needed to be done.

Two long days later, you were meeting Jaehyun at the bridge one final time. It took nearly forty-eight hours of gathering the courage to pick up your phone, but you had to let him know it was over. That this was goodbye.

You ran your fingers across the wooden overlook, taking in nature, but even the peaceful noise of your surroundings failed to soothe your heartbreak.

The sound of tentative footsteps barely drew you from your own head, and you didn’t want to face your visitor. You knew it was Jaehyun. For more reasons than one.

Though you couldn’t see, Jaehyun had his hands in his pockets. “Am I late?”

“No, you’re perfectly on time. I got here early. I needed time to think,” you replied with a fleeting glance at your watch.

Jaehyun watched you with unease, a perturbed thud in his heart making it challenging to breathe. This was bad, he knew, and for whatever reason, that fear that he was doomed was unshakable. “What happened?”

“Johnny knows,” you began, finally whipping around. It was the least you could do, knowing you had to break his heart. “Taeyong saw us together. He snitched. Now Johnny wants nothing to do with me.”

Jaehyun’s heart sank. No wonder you hadn’t texted or called him in two days. Aside from inviting him here, that is. “What now?”

“I can’t see you anymore. Johnny already hates me now. If I keep seeing you behind his back, I won’t have a brother anymore. I can’t live with that guilt. That’s why I’ve been running from it for months,” you said quietly.

Jaehyun stiffened, like a boulder. “We’re giving up? That’s insane! Don’t let him stop us from being together.”

You recoiled, surprised. “Are you asking me to choose you over my brother?”

“No, of course not,” Jaehyun sighed, combing his hands through his hands as he searched for the right words.

You desperately wanted to reach out to him, to touch him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. “You should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Someone you can hold and kiss outside without any worries. I can’t give you that, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “None of that matters to me. I want to be with you. I don’t care what compromises I have to make.”

“Well, I do,” you whispered sullenly, reminding yourself of everything you had to lose. “It was never going to work. You had to know this. We aren’t Shakespeare characters. Hell, even they don’t get to be happy!”

Jaehyun’s chest was taut with pain. It was usually him that had to tell people the brutal reality of unfortunate situations. And this was how it felt to be on the other side?

Fighting the oncoming threat of tears, you continued, “I’ve enjoyed these past months with you and we’ve made special, unforgettable memories together. But enough is enough. We were gonna have to face the truth one day, and that day is today. It was inevitable. I hope that somehow we can still be friends.”

Jaehyun spat, “I don’t want to be just friends. I can’t be just friends with you. Why don’t you understand that?”

Oh, you did. You really, really did. This was hurting you in ways unimaginable and nothing could’ve prepared you for the moment where you had to set Jaehyun free.

Not even knowing this day would come.

“I love you,” Jaehyun confessed for the first time, taking some steps closer to you. The gleam in his eyes killed you.

Those words were like ice in your veins. Your heart stopped beating. For half a minute, the whole world ceased. You shook your head, sensing a vicious pain returning to you. “You can’t love me.”

Jaehyun switched on a dime and hissed, “You can’t tell me how to feel.”

Denial still crept through your blood. Apparently, it was one of your many talents. Jaehyun’s too. “You’re in love with the idea of me. You just want somebody to love again and maybe I made you realize that, but you don’t love me.”

Jaehyun was trembling. You were trying to diagnose him and he wouldn’t stand for it. “Saying that doesn’t make it true.”

You were defiant. You needed it to be true. There had to be some way to get him to let you go and move on. You didn’t want to resort to cruel methods, but you would if you were rendered optionless.

Jaehyun continued, “You did make me realize that I wanted love again. But I also realized that I could have it all in you.”

Finally pushed past your limits, you shattered and screamed, “Goddammit, Jaehyun - you can’t have me!”

You turned away, hoping he would let you leave. You didn’t want things to end on even worse terms than they already were.

But you should’ve known Jaehyun would be relentless. He was a fighter. You were what he wanted, what he loved, and he’d damned if he surrendered without a fight. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to walk away?”

You rooted in place and exhaled loudly, bristling with frustration. “The fuck do you want me to do, Jay? It’s out of my hands.”

“Talk to Johnny - you know that I didn’t do anything!”

“No, I don’t know anything,” you grumbled, crossing your arms tightly.

That stunned Jaehyun. You didn’t trust him anymore?

Jaehyun laughed, but it was humorless. Needless to say, he was pissed. “Wow. You gave up the fight before it started, before it was over. You never gave us a chance.”

You walked away. You didn’t have the strength.

Jaehyun kept prodding. You were unbelievable and he couldn’t stand you right now. “I bet this isn’t just about Johnny. I bet him being your brother is just a cop-out so that you don’t have to trust another guy again.”

Now that stung deep. He was hitting you where it hurt, making sure you understood how badly you had wounded him, and you realized there was a chance he was right and you hadn’t even considered it. You whipped around, snapping, “Fuck you. I wish I never met you.”

Jaehyun watched you disappear behind the thick branches, simmering where he stood. God, he resented the fuck out of you right now. You were accepting defeat, throwing in the towel, and he hated you because of it.

The seemingly endless months of ignorant bliss were washed down the drain all because you didn’t want to be a little more optimistic. You could’ve had it all together, had you not resigned yourself to being unhappy. You were so hell-bent on being realistic that you closed the door on other possibilities.

Almost the second you burst through the front door, your tears fell after what felt like an eternity of fighting them back. Johnny and your parents turned to face you with alarm when you paraded through the living room, but you ignored your mother’s questions and made a beeline for your bed.

Johnny didn’t ask. He already knew, and he was only somewhat satisfied that you had done what should’ve never needed to happen in the first place.

The days of the week started to bleed into each other. You didn’t talk to Jaehyun for obvious reasons. Johnny, the man whose shoulders you thought would always be there for you to lean on, was ironically giving you the cold shoulder. And Mark wouldn’t understand even if you explained, though you knew he was available.

Never had you felt so alone. You had no one to escape to. No one who could comprehend or justify the moral dilemma you forced yourself into. I’ve truly outdone myself. I’ve betrayed my brother, baffled my best friend, and lost my lover back to back. That has to be a world record.

Seven days marked the longest time you had gone without speaking with Jaehyun since the onset of this private love affair. He didn’t call or text you either, which was understandable. Plus it was what you wanted, or at least that was what you used to think.

You weren’t sure anymore. Cutting him off was the whole purpose of meeting him, but why did it make you feel so isolated?

It wasn’t that long ago that you did it because you thought it was the right choice, or maybe because you thought it would make things better. But it hadn’t. Now that you had effectively shielded yourself from the universe, you were less free and more lonely.

And time continued to fly by, days of leaving the house only to attend class and coming back to your room only to collapse into sorrow.

Johnny felt bad. At night, there were a couple of times where he hovered near your door and heard you sobbing, but he was too petty and spiteful to knock or check up on you. You had stung him too.

The difference was that when Mike died, you did everything in your power to console Johnny. You gave him the space he needed, of course, but you opened the door for him to talk to you if he wanted and lent him a shoulder to cry on. You bought all his favorite snacks and encouraged him to go outside, even if it was just the backyard.

Now, you were suffering your own loss, one of many but in a different manner. It wasn’t like you were a bereaved wife, but the agony wasn’t any less excruciating.

Mark came over whenever he had the extra time to spare every week to check up on you, reminding you that you weren’t as alone as you thought you were, but you still didn’t want to confide in him about your emotions. You were afraid he would unintentionally make you feel more stupid.

You were a little verklempt. Maybe more than. They said time was the healer of all wounds, but with every week spent without Jaehyun’s familiar musk in the air and dreamy voice in your ear, you felt less and less whole.

What could you have done to keep him close to you, even if it was just for a little while longer? Maybe if you hadn’t ended on such cold, distant terms, moving on would be easier and you would be happier. You could’ve contentedly looked back on the memories of your last time together knowing you had done everything in your control to make it better.

But you were worried that that was false. You were worried that Jaehyun was right and this ending was premature.

It doesn’t matter, premature or not. It was going to end either way. There’s no point in delaying the inevitable, you reassured yourself in what you once believed was aggressively honest consolation, but you were starting to question how you could be so certain.

You told yourself that with the burden of your immoral secrets weighing you down, you and Jaehyun could’ve never been a pair. You knew it wouldn’t last forever. You’d always known. You didn’t expect things to make it this far, but dammit you didn’t expect to have your fun cut short so soon either.

It wasn’t fair.

Sometimes you dreamt of what it would be like to hold Jaehyun in your arms without worries, without stolen touches and kisses when nobody was paying attention.

You sat in the nook at your window, curled up into yourself, thinking only about Jaehyun. If it wasn’t for the stupid secret that unraveled far too damn quickly, maybe none of this would’ve ever happened. Maybe I would have you, with nothing to lose. Nothing to fear.

Fuck, you should’ve been happy. Given how unlucky in love you were, you doubted that you were intended to ever be happy. You hadn’t smiled in an eternity. But Jaehyun made you feel your peak of happiness, as if you had never been more euphoric with anybody else.

More than once, you had been in love, but never like how you were in love with Jaehyun. Why did things have to become so complicated for the both of us? Why did reality hit like a fucking freight train?

If only you never fell for Jaehyun, never even gave him the time of day, then you wouldn’t be hurting. Your heart was being tortured.

It took another day of stumbling into the kitchen with dark eye bags after yet another sleepless night of sobbing into your pillows, and Johnny ignoring your existence altogether while he poured himself a mug of coffee, but it finally occurred to you that you couldn’t relive this agonizing cycle over and over.

You were sick of the pain and the dread. The insufferably cold distance when his bedroom was right down the hall from yours. You were sick of sniveling until you had no more tears left to weep, until you felt totally empty.

Something had to give.

To your surprise, and luck, Mark called you a few minutes after you strolled back into your room wordlessly, devising a plan you loathed yourself for not thinking of earlier. “Hey, bestie. Talk to me,” he said. “How you feeling?”

“Like judgment day came early for me, I guess,” you mumbled into the phone, collapsing onto your sheets.

Mark sighed roughly. “Damn. I was hoping you would feel a little better this week. Johnny said you’re the world’s biggest hermit and it’s kinda depressing.”

That shocked you to your core, but you tried to play it off. “Oh, Johnny’s been talking about me?”

“Well, yeah. I’ve obviously been checking up on the both of you on the regular, and neither of you really wanna open up to me, but Johnny has less of an issue talking about you. Man, he still cares. He’s your brother.”

Your heart was sore. You wished he would tell you that himself. In your own home, to your own brother, you felt like a stranger.

Tears burned your eyes, but you fought them and lilted playfully, “Oh, my beloved bestie…”

Mark knew that tone and interjected, “Fuck.”

You fought a tiny laugh and continued, “Would you mind doing your best friend a teeny tiny little favor?”

The suggestion alone sounded like bad news and Mark was questioning what he was about to get himself into, because no matter what came out his mouth first, you were his best friend. Of course, he was going to tell you “yes.”

Mark huffed, “Jesus. Ease up on the mischief. Johnny still wants to beat my ass too, you know? He asked me if I knew you were boning Jaehyun and of course I couldn’t lie. I’m a man of God.”

Because you didn’t feel like disputing that statement, you ignored his speech entirely and asked knowingly, “Your dad’s a cop, isn’t he?”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

Your voice was maybe a little hopeful. “Is there a way that he can look into the investigation of Mike’s overdose?”

Mark knew exactly why you were asking and even he was ashamed he hadn’t thought of the little plan. There was a brief pause before he said, “I’ll call you back.” And then he hung up.

You were a little tense sitting there on your bed waiting around for a phone call. Not because you were worried about Mark not doing it, which would be ridiculous because you both wanted what was best for Johnny. It was because you were scared of not having a solution.

Deciding it would be useless to sit around antsily, you took a well-deserved nap after a restless twenty-four hours of no sleep. It would only do you good. Even if Mark didn’t have the answers you wanted, your grades would thank you.

Sleep came easy. Though they weren’t Jaehyun’s, it was nice and peaceful bunched beneath your blankets. You flipped your pillow over to the side that wasn’t stained with tears and let darkness take the wheel.

Johnny peeked inside your room after an hour or two, wanting to talk to you, but when he saw you comfortably snoozing in your bed and obliviously clinging onto a spare pillow for dear life, he backed away and shut the door. He knew you needed the rest.

You jolted awake when your phone started to ring vehemently beside your head, cursing yourself for not turning on Do Not Disturb before immediately remembering why you didn’t, and quickly lifting the phone to answer gruffly, “Hello?”

“Good news,” Mark started, sounding suspiciously chipper. “I had my dad pull some strings. And you’re gonna wanna hear this.”

Sitting up, you exclaimed in an impatient whisper, “Well?”

“Jeong Jaehyun is not a suspect, for one. There were witnesses that confirmed him giving Mike his fix was impossible. But for two, the case reopened a few months ago and they’re literally about to bust the guy that did it. They’re waiting on a warrant. You’ve got great timing,” Mark said.

You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. “What the hell?”

“Isn’t this good news?”

“Yeah, it is,” you whispered, too shocked to know how to feel. You didn’t think the stupid plan would really work. “Thank you, Mark.”

Mark was quick to reassure you, “You don’t need to thank me. You’re my best friend and Johnny is like my brother-in-law in some weird way. See, that sounds weird. Anyways, when do you plan on telling him?”

You laughed at his rambling, but hummed when you thought about his question. “Uh, would today be a bad time?”

“The sooner the better.”

You sighed in relief. Then, you donned the loveliest tone you could muster, and asked sweetly, “Will you come with me please? I think your presence will really help.”

Mark retorted, “Should I bring the entire police force too?”

You rolled your eyes and begged, “Come on, Mark. You’re my bestie and I need you. He’s more mad with me than he is with you and plus you have the benefit of a credible father.”

“I was already on my way,” Mark chirped, jiggling his keys loudly before hanging up.

You giggled. What would you do without that boy? He was your ride or die.

Fifteen minutes later, Mark was pulling into your driveway and hopping out of the car. You let him in, locking the door behind your best friend and embracing him in the biggest hug of his life. You needed the comfort to wean off your nerves.

The last thing you expected was for Johnny to come trudging down the stairs within the very next minute.

You released Mark, turning to your brother, and you and Johnny said in unison, “Hey, I really need to talk to you.”

Johnny blinked in surprise. It almost seemed like he was mirroring you. Mark snickered to himself, mumbling something about you two obviously being related, but Johnny was chill and said, “You can go first.”

You heaved a breath. It was a shock that Johnny deliberately chose to speak to you for the first time, presumably without the intervening influence of your parents’ rebuttal on your behalf. “I don’t know how to say this, but first I wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry for sneaking around with Jaehyun behind your back. It was a really shitty thing for me to do.”

Johnny nodded along, listening.

“But I fell in love with him,” you said without hesitation. “And I’m not going to ask you to accept us or anything. That’s your choice. But I thought there was something you should know that’s bigger than Jaehyun and I.”

Johnny looked tense, but he encouraged you to go on. “Okay.”

It felt like the whole world was watching you with Johnny’s eyes carefully set on your face, but you didn’t let it stop you from continuing, “It really wasn’t him that gave Mike his supply, and yes we have proof. Mark’s dad not only confirmed it wasn’t him, but they’re working on getting him into custody.”

Mark nodded, standing right behind you. Like he was vouching for you the same way you’d vouched for him all these years. “It’s true, Johnny. It wasn’t Jaehyun. It was some random shady dealer that preys on addicts at these parties. He has a track record.”

Johnny’s eyes flickered. “It really wasn’t Jaehyun?”

Mark shook his head. “He’s innocent, dude.”

Johnny fell silent for a long time. You could see him stiffening, penitent. “I don’t know what to say,” he whispered. “I feel like shit now.”

You snorted. “Don’t do that to yourself. Please. I’ve felt like shit enough these past few weeks for the both of us.”

“About that,” Johnny began, getting whiplash. The look on his face was gentle, remorseful, and he hated himself for being anything else to his sister. To the last person that deserved his misplaced frustration. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for freezing you out.”

“Johnny…,” you trailed.

Johnny shook his head. He needed you to let him say this. “I know you’ve had a rough few weeks, and though I haven’t exactly been pleased with you, you’re still my sister. The least I could’ve done was ask you ‘how are you doing?’ but I couldn’t even be bothered.”

You sighed loudly. That was true. And you’d be lying if you said it didn’t rub salt in the wounds.

“I haven’t done a good job at showing it, but I care for you. You’re my only sibling and let’s be honest, I don’t think I’ll be getting another one,” Johnny said lightheartedly.

You snickered. Damn right. You knew your parents would vehemently agree if they were here. They couldn’t be happier that all of their kids were adults. Well, maybe if you moved out.

Johnny breathed in some air. A lot of mistakes had obviously been made on both parts and he was ready to put it all behind him. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I forgot to do what was more important. Be your brother. And I’ll apologize for the rest of my life until you forgive me.”

“No need. I forgive you right now,” you whispered, simpering.

Johnny stood there like a dumbass, hesitant. He didn’t feel like he deserved your forgiveness and would be spending the next weeks repairing his relationship with you, doing whatever it took.

You took the lead, starting reluctantly, “Listen. I know Mike’s passing has been hard on you, Johnny. That’s why you want to protect me and everything else you love in your life, but I’m an adult. You need to let me take care of me.”

A cloud of melancholy hung over Johnny and it wouldn’t leave. The grief was still fresh, as if Mike had died yesterday.

You stepped forward, placing a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “And you’re my big brother. I’ll obviously still give you a call when I’m going through a rough time. But you have to respect that I’m my own person.”

Johnny nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about all that too. I’ll be better.”

“I will too,” you said, because the truth was that it was time the two of you started making efforts.

Johnny grabbed you in his arms and pulled you into a gigantic bear hug. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and breathed easier in relief as weeks worth of wounds vanished.

Wincing your eyes closed, you let yourself be content in your brother’s loving embrace for the first time in a while. You needed this.

You could barely feel yourself breathe when Johnny started to hug you so tightly you thought he might accidentally squeeze the life out of you. “Alright, chill, Johnny. I think I might die,” you wheezed.

Johnny released you with a chuckle. You gasped for breath, shaking your head. Though the bone-crushing hug was appreciated nonetheless.

Mark was content to be in the background and cheered in awe, “I’m so proud of you guys. You overcame your differences and reunited like real siblings. I knew it would happen eventually, but dude, this is refreshing to see.”

You nodded in agreement. One less broken relationship. But you had another one to salvage before it was too late.

Then, Mark remembered Johnny was none too thrilled that he was complicit in you getting away with your sneaky little secret and asked, “Yo, Johnny, are we good?”

“No.”

Mark gawked.

“I’m kidding,” Johnny said with a teasing lilt. “We’re good, man.”

Mark exhaled in relief. “Thank god.”

You smiled to yourself. You were happy, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing from your life.

Johnny clamped a hand onto your shoulder and said, “Go get him.”

You gasped, but you didn’t question how he knew. He just did. It was a sibling thing. “You mean it?”

“Yes. You said it yourself. You love him, and I have no reason to come between that anymore. You deserve to be happy after dating asshole after asshole,” Johnny told you (sort of) kindly.

You snickered, and grabbed your keys from your pockets. “Pray for me. He’s not gonna be thrilled.”

Johnny shook his head, disagreeing. “Yeah, he will. Tell him that I’m very sorry, but the threat to kick his ass still stands if he fucks with you.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know,” you deadpanned, heading for the door.

The drive to Jaehyun’s house was inexplicably anxious. You could still think, but every thought went by at the speed of a thousand miles per second. And it didn’t help that you were overthinking the entire situation, dreading the endless amount of “what ifs.”

For fuck’s sake, you didn’t even know if he would be there. You were showing up unannounced, uninvited. What if he had already found another woman to keep him company in your forgettable absence?

Then, you were at his front doorstep. And you had no time to vividly imagine every possible scenario, because Jungkook answered your knocks and you could only barely see inside.

You politely greeted him in a small voice and asked, “Can I come inside?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed and he didn’t waste any time in snapping, “Why should I let you in after you broke my friend’s heart?”

“Because I’m sorry and I want to set things right with him,” you said, matching his lack of hesitation.

Yugyeom hurried over and took the lead, widening the door for you to enter and whining dramatically, “Oh, god. Please come in. Fix him. Do your womanly magic and bring him back to life. I’m sick of his brooding ass.”

You wanted to laugh, but you hated the thought of causing Jaehyun all this suffering. If it was anything like the kind you’d been through lately, you knew he was in a tough spot.

Thanking Yugyeom, you made a beeline for the stairs, rushing up them like Jaehyun would somehow know it was you approaching them and slip away before you could get the chance to apologize.

You knocked on Jaehyun’s door, but you guessed he really wasn’t expecting you to come over, because he shouted exasperatedly, “Jesus, Yugyeom. Fuck off.”

“It’s not Yugyeom,” you called back. “It’s me.”

All you could hear was silence. Then there was a shuffle, and a few moments later the door clicked unlocked and Jaehyun was standing before you in all his glory. “What are you doing here?”

“I walked to talk,” you replied timidly, struggling to maintain eye contact.

Irritated, Jaehyun huffed, “We already had a conversation.” Though the truth was that he was glad you were here, standing in front of him again. He was borderline miserable without you in his life.

The reminder of your final exchange with Jaehyun made you wince in shame. “I know, but I wanted to apologize. Won’t you at least hear me out?”

Jaehyun turned to return to his bed, reminding sharply, “You’re the one that walked away. I was willing to at least try to make us work, but you didn’t even want to do that.”

“Because I thought it would be useless,” you admitted, giving chase and shutting the door behind yourself. “But I don’t anymore. You were right. I should’ve fought for us and I regret not doing it earlier.”

Jaehyun might’ve acted like he wasn’t listening, being totally dismissive, but he definitely noticed your specific use of language. “You said ‘earlier.’ What do you mean?”

You had a beaming smile on your face as you admitted, “I mean, I talked to Johnny about us. I managed to get him to listen to me and proved your innocence. Thank god Mark’s father is a cop.”

Jaehyun softened. “You did all that? Why?”

“Because you’re worth fighting for,” you whispered tenderly, looking at Jaehyun like he was your entire universe.

Jaehyun was so close to accepting that he would never have anyone look at him that way again. After a heartbreak, the feeling of being unlovable always loomed over his head and you were no different. But dammit if he wasn’t tired of the doubts.

Tentatively, you came towards Jaehyun completely, sitting beside him on his mattress that you missed almost as much as you missed him. “I didn’t mean it, when I said I wish I never met you.”

Jaehyun almost laughed. That was the least hurtful thing to leave your lips. “I know. You were upset. And you had every right to be.”

You frowned, suspicious of how calm he was. You half expected him to lash out. “Stop being understanding.”

“If you’re expecting me to be angry, I can’t do anything for you. I��ve already spent the past few weeks in that stage of grief.”

You blinked. It was as if he could read your mind. “Where are you at now?”

Jaehyun was totally indifferent when he told you, “Bargaining.”

“Funny. Me too,” you sighed. If only you had been more open-minded, you could have spared you and Jaehyun all this worthless misery.

You noticed that Jaehyun said nothing, but he looked a little in his head. And he was somewhere up there, scolding himself for letting him be a fool for you, then thinking, I couldn’t resist loving you. Sue me.

The emotion was finally surfacing on his face. You could see all of it now. The distress and the love and the heartache. You smirked, thinking to yourself, He’s my little damsel now.

The grin on your lips was fleeting and it disappeared by the time you grabbed Jaehyun’s hands in yours and he peered down at you in surprise. “I’m sorry,” you told him softly. “I thought you were crazy and hopeless for thinking we could be together. Now, I see that you didn’t want to quit until you’d exhausted your resources. And I forced your hand. I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun squeezed your hand. “It’s okay. I understand where you were coming from. You were trying to make things as painless as possible because you genuinely thought we didn’t stand a chance against fate.”

“And somehow I made shit ten times more painful,” you murmured, ashamed.

“Like I said, I understand where you were coming from,” Jaehyun said, being gentler than he should’ve.

You shook your head. That meant nothing. “But do you forgive me?”

Jaehyun gazed into your pained eyes. It still broke him, but he was starting to lick the wound clean. Things were changing. “Yes. I forgive you, baby.”

Your heart softened at the pet name. You never expected to fall for Jaehyun. Not Jaehyun or his precious smile and adorable face. Not the little things he’d say that made you feel as if you would burst with love.

But you did fall for him, and all those little things that made him himself. And you didn’t want to be without them ever again.

“I’m tired of loving each other behind closed doors. I want to be seen with you. I want to go to museums and look at really abstract paintings that you’ll tell me are meaningful for whatever reason. I want to explore the city with you and visit shops I’d never think to go to otherwise.”

Jaehyun was sporting a beaming smile. “You said you love me.”

“I haven’t said it before?”

Jaehyun huffed, “No. Not even once.”

You held his face, cradling it just shy of yours, and confessed, “Then, I love you. I love you. I love you so much, Jaehyun. I don’t know what to do without you.”

“I love you too,” Jaehyun said, leaning in to mumble the tiny confession into your neck, and reminded of how desperately he craved the warmth of your skin.

You were grinning so hard your cheeks were hurting.

“Don’t leave me ever again. Don’t ever let me go. Never,” Jaehyun instructed you sharply, and although it was partly muffled, you heard him loud and clear.

“I won’t,” you told him, kissing his forehead. “If you play me that song you made me on your guitar.”

Jaehyun blinked up at you in surprise. “You liked it?”

“I think I’ve cried to it, like, a million times,” you admitted unabashedly.

Jaehyun’s jaw went slack for only a split second, then he quickly recovered and leapt up to grab his guitar from its resting position in the corner of his room.

A smile danced onto your lips as he held the guitar, strumming to the beautiful song he’d written with only his insurmountable adoration for you in mind, and the pining nature of the lyrics made you realize that the yearning was over. You were Jaehyun’s. And Jaehyun was yours.

Losing Jaehyun, one of the few people you loved depthlessly, was like losing the last person you had. You didn’t know how to be without him. And you didn’t have to learn, because you never would be without him again.

You watched him attentively, beaming from ear to ear, taking in his beautiful smile and soft voice, and familiar heady cologne. And you thought to yourself, There’s nothing to dislike about this guy.

#jaehyun smut #nct 127 smut #nct smut #jaehyun x reader #nct imagines #jaehyun imagines #jung jaehyun smut #nct x reader #nct #nct scenarios

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doodlenoodleboi · 10 months ago

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Sally face head cannons

Authors note: If you don’t specify I’m gonna pick for you most of the time it’s gonna be headcanons, they tend to be easier and quicker to write.

TW: Not professional, might have misspellings and improper grammar, I just do this for fun. Nsfw, mentions of drugs, stoner Larry, Larry is 2 years older then Sal, some non accurate writing I haven’t watched or played Sally face in years but remember the general plot. Btw when this wrote Sal is 17-19

SFW

◦ Sal doesn’t have the best relationship with his father.

◦ Sal tends to get misgendered a lot to the point he doesn’t even correct people he couldn’t care less anyways and hates unnecessary confrontation.

◦ Sal keeps his glass eye on his bedside table and one nice he actually drunk out of the cup.

◦ Sal isn’t the best at saving money when it comes to video games. He doesn’t spend his money on much In high school besides games for his game boy and other systems.

◦ Sal loves rock music and listens to music whenever he can, he owns an old stereo along with a walk man and mp3 player. (Keep in mind his teen years are in the 90’s)

◦ Along with his hair Sal also ventured in make up in skincare.

◦ Because half of his face being disfigured he tried his best to at least look normal with make up and help it heal better with skincare.

◦ Sal has the worst split ends and uneven layers because he never actually had his hair cut properly he always has done it himself.

◦ Sal is rather geeky when it comes down to it, owning as much technology as he could by in the 90’s.

◦ Sal is most comfortable showing his face to Larry among anyone else almost like a big brother to him of sorts.

◦ Sal gets rather socially awkward when it comes to people liking him so you would have to be in his friend group to have a chance of a relationship or some established connection before hand.

◦ Once you and Sal become friends as he’s comfortable with you expect things like him painting your nails and rocking out to music

◦ If he does later show romantic interest in you before he shows you his face he will be anxious about what you’ll think about him after he shows you.

◦ He’ll even teach you how to play his guitar if you’re interested.

NSFW

◦ Sal Is obviously a virgin it’s hard to get close to him let alone take of his mask so you’ll have to have patience to get to this stage.

◦ For-play could be longer then the actual sex for the first time and he might back out from nervousness before you guys can even start.

◦ Sal is not a shy guy maybe introverted but not shy but moments like this make him extremely vulnerable so he’s flustered and embarrassed.

◦ If you find the courage to kiss him he has his mask on he’s whipped. He would be a flustered and embarrassed mess and he might even tell Larry about how exciting it was. You were probably his first kiss as well.

◦ Sal would be around 5 inches 5.5 hard (let’s be realistic here ain’t nobody taking much past that.) Just enough to reach the back of you’re and make you gag.

◦ Sal even if he’s isn’t pornhub but still likes to prep you, after all sex is a rather sacred thing so he tries his best to treat you with care even with his inexperience.

◦ He would probably be a nervous teenager at the back of Spencer’s trying to find lube (that doesn’t get used) and other things trying not to be seen. Covering up this purchases with a rock album or something of equal value.

◦ Sal is big on after care asking you how it was if it wasn’t obvious, he would be nervous after and still not realizing he actually did that.

◦ Sal isn’t big on giving hickeys but he doesn’t mind being especially on his jawline and neck. When talking to his friends he will just say it a bruise or injury just that’s always been there. But it’s almost obvious that it’s not.

◦ Once you’ve done it once he’s nervous to ask for you to do it again so he does enjoy make out session to keep him down.

◦ Sal didn’t heavily masturbate before hand honestly rarely doing it at all until he had sex once and now that’s all he thinks about ever since.

◦ He loves laying kisses against you when doing it but never hickeys as he’s a bit scared of hurting you.

◦ He holds your hands during sex for comfortability.

◦ His favorite positions would probably be missionary and cowgirl he’s a pretty vanilla switch.

◦ Mostly a service top and a shy bottom, it’s not like he’s generally shy he just gets embarrassed seeing you on top but overtime he gets used to it.

Sorry i accidentally deleted the request!

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steddieas-shegoes · 9 months ago

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“any regrets? anything you’d do differently?”

eddie knows the interviewer is just doing her job, probably doesn’t even realize that’s the worst question she could ask. but the guys tense and the air gets thick and something shifts inside eddie’s chest.

“it’s been two years and i still haven’t apologized.”

the interviewer doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, but she doesn’t need to. he’s not gonna explain more than that and he doesn’t care if people make their own connections and excuses.

maybe steve will hear it. maybe robin will. maybe dustin will convince steve to call him.

or maybe he was cryptic for nothing and steve will keep ignoring his calls. he used to think his timing sucked until mike let it slip that he lets all calls go to his answering machine to avoid picking up when eddie calls him.

eddie only calls on bad nights, if he’s drunk or high, or sometimes on the nights that could only be better if steve was by his side. eddie calls most nights.

the interview is done and eddie is being whisked away, getting berated by their publicist about his answer to a question that can never have a good one. the guys are pretending not to listen, but failing. eddie loves them for trying.

the next interview, he stays quiet, at least as much as he can get away with. he fakes a smile, a laugh, whatever it takes to seem like he didn’t just admit that he fucked up on live television.

they get to sleep in their own beds tonight, but tomorrow is the start of their radio show tour to promote their album. it’ll be two weeks long, hitting the major stations daily until they’ve answered all the hard hitting questions like if gareth snores or if they ever find time to eat healthy on tour.

but his bed is his least favorite place to sleep, and no amount of tossing and turning is gonna give him what he needs.

so he calls steve.

“harrington’s house, you’ve reached the harrington who actually lives here.”

eddie’s so shocked that steve answered he barely even registers his words.

“hello?” steve’s voice turns serious. “anyone there?”

“stevie?”

eddie shouldn’t have started with that, but he wasn’t in control of his body anymore.

steve hangs up.

somehow it’s worse than if he hadn’t answered at all.

but eddie is fine. he is.

he’s gonna close his eyes and go to sleep and maybe not dream about dying or fucking up the only good thing he ever had.

his phone rings and he’s almost certain he’s dreaming already.

“hello?”

“sorry i panicked.”

steve’s voice is like a reverb in an arena, sending chills down eddie’s arms.

“you’re not the only one.”

“but…you called me.”

“because you never answer.”

“so why call? if i’m never gonna answer.”

“because if you do answer, i can hear your voice.”

steve sits with that answer for a minute before he speaks.

“dustin played me the interview.”

“yeah.”

“was it me? was i your regret?”

how could steve think that? how could the man who saved his life ever believe he was anything less than a gift? in no universe would eddie regret steve.

“no. my regret is making you ever think that you could be a mistake.”

eddie should end it there, let steve marinate with that. he knows no amount of apologies will actually help, but he could give it a try anyway.

“i’m sorry i left when you needed me. i’m sorry i was selfish and chose to get out and leave you behind. and i’m sorry none of my sorries even matter because it’s too late.”

for a minute—yes, eddie counts— there’s silence. and then there’s a small shuffling sound and eddie’s almost sure that steve’s gonna hang up.

instead, steve sounds like he’s holding back tears when he speaks.

“are you gonna come back?”

eddie can’t. he can’t just put a pause on the band or any of their plans. it’s not fair to the guys or the fans or himself.

but he can do something he should’ve done two years ago.

“will you come with me?”

the question hangs in the air for what feels like forever. steve may say no. that’s part of why eddie didn’t even ask the first time. but he may say-

“yes.”

“you will?”

“on one condition.”

“anything.”

“you stop trying to forget all the bad parts. the bad parts sucked, but they brought us together. running from them means running from me. at least hold my hand so i can run with you.”

eddie thinks maybe he could write a song about that.

and he thinks he’d like to hold steve’s hand while he does.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #drabble #angst with a happy ending #yall blame berries because im reading sweet surrender and the angst is causing problems in my head #and also just being so exhausted lmao #rock star eddie munson

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ebony-blood · 11 months ago

Note

OH MY GOODNESSS I was wondering, if you can pretty please do a lost boys X reader (poly if your comfortable with it) but she’s a wallflower? Like maybe she moved to Santa Carla and she’s bullied? Maybe a sprinkle of insecurity but ends up meeting the lost boys at the boardwalk and they just. Can’t. Leave. Her. Alone? She’s their mate and she’s so flustered cause the HOTTEST guys she’s ever seen are paying attention to her? Pretty pretty please?🥹🥹🥹 I’ll love you forever

Poly! The Lost Boys x Shy! Fem! Reader

Author's notes!: I had to look up what 'Wallflower' means lol, for those who don't know, a Wallflower is basically someone who kinda hangs back during parties because they are too shy. TW: READER IS FEM!! Bullying, mentioned violence, vampire stuff, the boys being obsessed right from the start. I tried so hard not to describe Reader in this, I try to be as inclusive as I can, but if anything is mentioned it's because I'm tired lol, I'll fix it, just bring it up in the comments and I'll track it down o7. This probably sucks, I'm sorry.

You had moved to Santa Carla looking for a fresh start a few weeks ago. You weren't used to the weird styles, the smell of weed and gas that seemed to constantly cover the streets, the loud boardwalk parties, none of it. So naturally, you kept to yourself, hanging back during parties and avoiding eye contact, unfortuantely, Santa Carla was not a place people like you, shy wallflowers, were treated right.

Some people ignored you at best, they’d glare at you when you waved or smiled at them, they’d ignore you if you asked questions, they avoided you. But a lot of people were downright cruel to you. They mocked you at parties, some openly tried to take things from you or would push you around. People were never openly violent with you, at first, but after a few weeks they started getting more violent, pushing you around and screaming in your face. It was mostly the people who were either on drugs or drunk. It was mostly the men and their girlfriends who were openly hostile and mean to you. You wished you’d never moved to this place, it was gross, the people were indifferent at best and downright cruel at worst, and you missed people you knew in your past. You wish you weren’t like you were, so quiet and shy. Hell, it had been years since you could look in the mirror and see someone you didn’t view as hideous looking back at you, but Santa Carla made it so much worse.

It was yet another late night in Santa Carla. Another night of wandering the boardwalk while you tried to avoid the harassment you got from people. You weren’t surprised every time you were shoved aside, or shouted at by a familiar group. Honestly, you didn’t wanna deal with that tonight, you wanted to walk around, maybe go see whoever was playing a show that night and see if they were actually good, and then head back to your apartment, but it seemed whatever form of fate you believed in had a different idea, because the group just wouldn’t leave you alone, shouting random shit, from ‘Weirdo’ to one girl just straight up calling you ugly. You were fighting back tears.Why the hell were people so needlessly cruel? Whatever, it’s nothing new.

You stopped by some area where people on the beach park their bikes. You took the biggest breath you possibly could when you realized your tormenters weren’t following you anymore, so you could finally breath.

That was until you heard voices, four guys, you guessed. You looked in their direction and, for the first time since moving to Santa Carla, you got that butterfly feeling in your gut. That wasn’t a thing you had felt since high school. You swore the bullies you faced then laughed the feeling out of you, but these four seemed to knock the breath you had just taken out of you. Damn, they were hot. Three of the four men were blonde, one had curly hair, one had fluffy hair, and the third guy had a haircut that kind of reminded you of Billy Idol, he was smoking a cigarette. And then there was the one that seemed to be trailing behind, observing people around them while the other three, mostly the ones with curly hair and fluffy hair, laughed and joked. The fourth guy had long, dark brown hair. You stared for a minute longer before snapping yourself out of whatever daze you had been in.

They had stopped walking, they were staring right at you, and you immediately prepared your apology in your head. Quietly standing up, and then one of the four, the fluffy-haired one, said something you assumed wasn’t meant to be said out loud.

“Holy shit, Marko, she’s hot.”

You looked over at the four, confused, the man was immediately smacked across the back of the head by the one with the cigarette.

“Don’t say shit like that out loud, dumbass.”

You were staring at the four, your face suddenly warming up at the idea that they were talking about you. You figured it was a stupid thought, there were other hot girls around the boardwalk, why would any of these four think you were hot? Then, the one with the cigarette cleared his throat.

“Sorry about that, doll. Paul can’t seem to keep his mouth shut around pretty girls.” He said, glaring back at the one with fluffy hair, you assumed he was Paul.

The one with curly hair snickered a bit and looked over at Paul, before the one with the cigarette spoke up again, he quickly shut up then.

“I’m David, The guy behind me is Dwayne, and those two are Paul and Marko.” He said

You nodded softly, even their names were hot, what the hell? David and the other three were staring at you with a confusing amount of attention.

Paul had an almost immediately obsessed or enamored look in his eyes, like you were just the prettiest thing he’d ever seen, Marko also looked absolutely in love with you already, both had the same look in their eyes, the other two, Dwayne and David didn’t seem in love, if they were, they were hiding it well enough.

“So, where ya off to, sweets?” Paul said, giving you a soft grin.

“Oh, I was about to head home,” You reply, and they all suddenly seem to perk up a bit.

“Oh, really? Well, maybe, instead of that, you could come and hang out with me and the guys?” David asked, motioning to their bikes.

Something about these four felt…supernatural. They carried themselves with such confidence, and something unseen seemed to be pulling you to them. You thought for a minute. Was it a good idea? Maybe not. It felt too good to be true, four hot boys, paying attention to you? They stared, waiting for your answer. Against your better judgment, you made your choice.

“Sure, I don’t see why I couldn’t.”

Paul and Marko got visibly excited. Paul grabbed your hand quickly and led you over to their bikes, the other three following behind him, laughing at Paul’s excitement. You were carefully put on the back of one of their bikes and David got on in front of you, looking back at you when you wrap your arms around him.

“Hold on tight, alright?”

You could only nod before the four sped off, David following behind the more rambunctious two, with Dwayne behind him.

At the time you didn’t know it, but come the end of the next week, you’d be theirs, and you’d have no complaints about it.

This got so long lol.

Sorry it ended like it did, it's 4 am here and I'd dying.

more coming tomorrow <333

#the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #tlb 1987 #tlb x reader #tlb david x reader #tlb dwayne x reader #tlb paul x reader #tlb marko x reader #david tlb #dwayne tlb #paul tlb #marko tlb

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oddinary4bts · 11 months ago

Text

Chasing Cars | ch 6 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: date anxiety, Sam Hwang, OC had a pothead phase in high school, cursing, probably the worst date of OC's life, alcohol, peach, jungkook is a drunk mess, mentions of throwing up, explicit content: mentions of jungkook and oc having sex

☆word count: 9.6k

☆a/n: in this one, jungkook and OC proceed to be frustrating again :') hope you enjoy haha <3 and thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing, you're the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, March 1st

You count the water drops on the vitrine of the restaurant.

One, two, three, though the third joins the second to merge into a single, bigger one.

It’s all you can do to quell your nerves as you’re surrounded by the low chatter of the other patrons in the restaurant. You’re sitting next to the window, looking at the world outside. It’s unusually warm today, and the snow turned into rain earlier, though you know it will ice as soon as the temperature drops again. It feels like déjà-vu, like you’re stepping back to Valentine’s Day, though the company will be different tonight.

You’ve been avoiding Jungkook, and he’s been avoiding you. In truth, you don’t even think you’ve seen him once since last Sunday. He’d come home while you were eating dinner in the kitchen, and he’d walked in, patted your head, and grabbed a glass of water. When he’d stayed, leaning against the counter and looking at you, you’d asked him what he wanted.

He’d only frowned and said you were weird, and that had been that.

To be fair, you know what he wanted. Or at least what he deserved. Apologies, that is, for the way you spoke to him at the bar. But you haven’t been able to give him any. Maybe because it pushed him away, rebuilt the true distance between the two of you as if nothing ever happened. It’s safer that way, especially considering how involved you’d already gotten after just a few days.

Then again, you get why feelings would grow so easily with him. It’s the risk that comes with him, the thrill of doing something you shouldn’t do. As a kid, that same thrill had always made you fall more on the bad side, though you’d always been good in school. But did you have a pothead phase in your last two years of high school? Yes, you did.

Looking at yourself today, you think you made it out of it pretty well after all.

You sigh, glancing at the time on your phone. He’s late. You don’t know why you’re surprised he’s late – Sam Hwang has shown time and time again that he cannot be trusted. And frankly, you don’t know why you’re here.

Why after last week’s shit show and what happened last summer, you still agreed to meet up at a restaurant that’s definitely over your budget.

Another sigh escapes your chest, and you tap your feet under the chair, anxiety spiking through you. You feel foolish and dumb and everything in between, and you’re starting to want to head home when he finally appears outside, heading for the door.

Your heart stops in your chest. As a matter of fact, you think it’s dropped to your ass before Sam makes it to your table, apologizing profusely. He’s dripping water, and you realize he’s walked all the way here.

You do find it in yourself to feel bad for him, just a little bit. Because you’re careful around him, afraid he’ll just hurt you again.

“Sup,” Sam says as he finally sits in front of you, pushing his long hair back. “Shit, it’s cold.”

You grab your scarf, handing it to him. “Put this on, it’ll help.”

He hesitates for a few seconds, holding your gaze as if to make sure this is not a trick, and then he finally takes the scarf. He sighs in contentment as he wraps it around himself, before saying, “Your perfume smells really good.”

You know. You know because Hoseok once told you the same, and so did Jungkook.

“Thanks,” you say, looking down at your glass of water.

There’s an awkward silence, as if Sam is expecting you to say anything else, but you can’t find for the life of yourself anything to say. So you busy yourself with looking through the menu, reining in your wince as you notice just how much out of your budget this restaurant is.

“Long week?” Sam asks as he starts leafing through his own menu, though he keeps a careful eye on you the whole time.

You nod. “Had some lab reports for two classes due tonight,” you tell him. “Managed to get them done but they drained me.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t too bad,” he says, laughing lightly. “You’ve always been a smart ass.”

You purse your lips, cheeks dusting with pink. “Thanks.” You clear your throat, meeting his gaze just long enough to ask, “What about you? How was your week?”

Then your eyes fall back to the comfort of the menu, and you try to figure out if ordering an appetizer for dinner would look bad.

“It was great,” he says. “I didn’t have much to do for classes, so I just chilled. Spent some time with Jake and Soobin.”

You remember them. Jake is the redhead you saw at the bar last week, and Soobin is the third male who completed the friend group last summer. There were three other girls, though you haven’t heard of them since you moved to the city.

“Nice,” you let out, offering him a small smile.

The awkwardness expands tenfold after that, and you choose to order the cheapest meal on the menu. It’s pasta, and you figure you can never go wrong with pasta. After you’ve chosen, you still pretend you’re looking though, trying to escape having to face the heavy silence.

A waitress saves you from it by stopping by the table, asking if you want anything to drink. Sam, with his easy smile and nonchalant attitude, immediately attracts her gaze.

“I’ll have a Guinness,” he says. “And the lady will just have water.”

You freeze. You freeze with your eyes shooting at his pretty features. He looks back at you once the waitress nods, scribbling the order on her pad even though you’d assume it’s something easy to remember.

“What do you mean I’ll only have water?” you say.

Sam laughs. He laughs, as if his choosing for you isn’t paternalistic and so out of date. “I’m sure you wouldn’t drink a beer,” he answers, and it’s almost condescending.

You make an effort of looking around the restaurant, pointedly stopping at a table near you, where the couple is sharing a bottle of wine. “I’m sure we could order wine?” you let out questioningly.

“I don’t like wine,” Sam replies, matter-of-factly.

You widen your gaze, tilting your head to the side. “And that means I can’t order any?”

“Damn, why are you so pressed about this?”

Because this is not Sam. Or if it is, you do not recognize him. He’d charmed you last summer, whisked you off your feet and made you believe in love at first sight. It seems you were blinded, and it’s really hard to find any charm in the man sitting in front of you.

“Never mind,” you say, choosing peace over war.

But in that instant you already make the decision that you will never see him again. You’ll stay for dinner, though, if only because you don’t want to have spent twenty dollars on an Uber for nothing.

When the server comes back with the beer and to take your order, you realize maybe you should have left. Indeed, Sam orders for you again – a salad this time around – while he orders a steak for himself. You have to do everything in yourself not to cringe as he does so, and you keep an empty, plastic smile on your lips as he starts speaking to you about what he’s been up to since last summer.

And he speaks and speaks. That’s something you recognize in him – the way he can speak so much without you having to say anything. It’s like he’s doing a monologue – back then, you’d loved listening to his voice, if only because you liked the musicality of it. Right now, it’s grating on your nerves, and you keep diverting your eyes to the window, hoping there’s some salvation for you on the other side.

Obviously there isn’t any, and if Sam realizes your disinterest, he doesn’t let it show.

You think he’s on his month of December when the food finally arrives, and you’d thank God if you were religious for the respite in Sam’s spiel. Indeed, the silence is most welcomed, and you eat your salad, trying not to think about the pasta you wanted to order.

At least it’s a decent salad, but you’ll know you’ll have to eat something else when you get home.

“And the funniest part,” Sam is saying when you tune back into the conversation, “is that the girl wasn’t even pretty!”

You widen your gaze. “Oh!” is all you’re able to say.

You think you see the couple at the table next to yours sliding their gazes to you, and the girl leans in closer to her partner, saying something. You can only assume that she’s laughing at your expense, and you get it.

You would too, if you were seated next to someone having the worst date of their life.

And it’s strange. So fucking strange, because once you would have given everything to be right here, with Sam Hwang. Now you feel like he’s a stranger, like he didn’t kiss you at the end of the night on that first party as if he’d been waiting for you his whole life.

“But her friend was,” Sam adds, and his fork makes a grating sound as he moves it on his plate. “Sorry,” he mindlessly apologizes.

“No worries,” you let out, with no ounce of emotion in your tone.

Indeed, your social battery ran out while he was on October, and you think now he’s almost caught up to the present. Not that you care – you know you’ll never want to hear about Sam Hwang again as soon as you’re out of this restaurant.

“And you?” he asks, surprising you.

Surprising everyone in the restaurant, you reckon.

“Me?” you say.

“What’s new?”

You let out a small laugh. You can’t help it – it bubbles out of your mouth by itself, and you think it almost sounds a little crazed.

“Nothing much,” you answer. “My classes have been chill, can’t wait to be in med school, and I am starting to have a headache.”

Sam frowns, lips slightly curling in disdain. “Am I boring you?”

You blink once, twice, plastering a fake smile on your lips. “Of course not! I’m happy to know everything that’s happened in your life since you left me alone on the docks last summer.”

You say that at the exact same time the waitress stops next to the table. She gasps, or at least you think she does, and then she clears her throat.

“Would you guys like some dessert?” she asks as she eyes the empty plates in front of you.

“No thank you,” you quickly say before Sam could once more decide for you. “We’ll take the bill.”

He’s shocked. You see it the moment your eyes meet his again. You hope he sees all the ire in your gaze, all the hatred for what he did months ago and for this revelation that he isn’t shit anyway.

“I wanted dessert,” he says once the server is out of sight.

“Well, you can go home and get yourself some,” you drawl. “I’m tired of this.”

“Excuse me?” Sam lets out. “I’m stooping so low for you, and you’re just tired?”

“Seriously?” You scoff, shaking your head. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking last summer but you are an asshole, Sam Hwang.”

“And you’re so much better?” he says, laughing bitterly. “You’ve been looking outside this whole time as if you’d rather be anywhere but here. You’re the one that was begging me to hang out.”

You snort. “Oh, did I now?” you say. “I think I remember you asking for a date.”

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “I’m done here.”

You watch him get up, not surprised in the slightest as he throws your scarf at you, and then you watch him leave. He knocks his chair down when he grabs his coat from the back of it, and every pair of eyes in the restaurant turns towards you at the commotion. You just remain seated, trying to not explode, lips stretched into a thin line.

When Sam is out of the restaurant, the girl at the table next to yours leans closer to you. “I was about to tell him to fuck off for you, girl,” she says, and it makes you laugh.

“Man, to think I once had feelings for that douche?” you reply.

She chuckles. “He’s just red flags, run while you still can.”

You look at his chair on the floor, wincing. “Highly doubt he’ll ever approach me again.”

“And I say good riddance.”

You laugh along with her and her partner, and then you get up to right the chair, if only to busy yourself. Because your hands are trembling – you’re not good with public scenes like the one that just unfolded, no matter how friendly the people around you are. So you’re relieved when the waitress comes back, though the price on the bill seems to be laughing at you.

You still pay, cringing at the hole it’ll make in your budget, and then you wish a good evening to the girl and her partner, before heading towards the door, putting your coat on on the way. You stay in the lobby as you order your Uber, and you go through the Instagram stories as you wait.

Jungkook’s story is fourth, and you wince as you notice he posted it less than a minute ago. It’s nothing much though, just a picture of a table filled with beers, and you’re about to skip when something catches your eyes.

It is indeed a table filled with beers. A very familiar table, and you think you’ll murder Jungkook.

You slide in his dms as you slowly feel anger rising in you.

[08:57 pm] You: when were u going to tell me ure hosting smthg at the apt tonight?

Jungkook doesn’t reply. As a matter of fact, you don’t even know if he’ll see, and all you can think is that you need to go home and go fast, just to make sure no one breaks anything.

It’s not that you’re against having get-togethers at your apartment. As a matter of fact, you’re hosting something with your friends tomorrow, though you’d planned to tell Jungkook tomorrow morning.

Maybe this is payback for not telling him before. For not apologizing, for pretending that he’s just a stranger even though two weeks ago you were moaning under him.

You push the thoughts away, but they’re like a door you were supposed to pull – they remain unmoving, taking up the whole scene of your mind. They haunt and taunt you all the way home, and you reckon it’s better than to think about Sam Hwang, about the shit-show of the date you just had.

So you cling to the anger rising in you, to the regrets and to the disappointment. Maybe because Jungkook is part of your present, and not your past. Maybe because no matter how much you avoid each other, your paths will always cross.

The Uber drops you right outside the door of your building, and you thank the driver before stepping out into the cold. The rain has relented now, but it’s already started to turn to ice, so you carefully maneuver to the bottom of the stairs leading to your apartment, doing your best not to fall. You’re successful – not like a similar, freezing rain day, and you climb the stairs to the door properly.

You’re not surprised to find the door unlocked.

But you’re definitely surprised when you open the door to the sight of five grown men sitting in your living room, with two pretty girls hanging with them. Though music is playing loud enough to burst your eardrums, everyone’s gaze turns to you, and you stand in the open door with a slightly frightened look on your features.

“Peach!” Jungkook bellows.

If he realizes he’s called you by that pet name in front of everyone he doesn’t let it show. Instead, he jumps to his feet, heading to where you’re standing.

“It’s freezing,” he comments as he stops next to you, pushing the door close.

You immediately smell the alcohol on him, and you cock an eyebrow.

“You’re drunk,” you state.

He flicks your nose. “Astute.”

You don’t know how he manages to use vocabulary like that when he’s drunk. What you do know is that everyone is still staring at you, as if they’re watching the scene unfolding in a movie theatre.

“You didn’t tell me you were hosting something,” you hiss through your teeth, turning away from everyone to focus on Jungkook who’s leaning against the door now.

“Oh, peach,” he lets out. “Sorry. I thought we weren’t on speaking terms.”

Bewildered, you watch as he flashes you one of his iconic grins, the one that makes him look like a bunny, and then he heads back to where he was sprawled on the floor. Right next to one of the girls.

The other girl you know, and she’s currently leaning against her boyfriend. She offers you a bright smile when your gazes meet, waving hi.

“Hey,” you reply as you take off your boots and coat. You put the latter in the closet, before turning towards the living room again.

The group seems to have moved on to something else, and you watch as Jungkook laughs, eyes crinkling with happiness. You don’t think you’re ready for what it does to your lungs – it sucks the breath right out of them, and you quickly leave to head to your room.

You pitstop by the kitchen first, trying to see if there’s anything to eat in the fridge. You fall on some leftover noodles that are undoubtedly Jungkook’s. You snatch them from where they are, thinking it’s a good revenge for him hosting people over without telling you. They’re almost done reheating when Sera walks into the kitchen, and she beams once more at the sight of you.

“Y/n!” she says. “Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

You offer her a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah, since Tae left, you guys don’t usually come over.”

And it’s true. Except for Jimin, you haven’t seen the rest of Taehyung’s friend group since he left at the beginning of January.

“It was Jimin’s idea,” she says as she heads to the fridge. She fishes a lemonade from the top shelf, before carefully closing the door again. “We facetimed Tae earlier.”

You nod. “Awesome. How is he?”

“You guys don’t speak?” she asks, and she genuinely sounds concerned.

You shrug your shoulders because you do speak. But ever since what happened with Jungkook, you’ve found it hard to truly speak to Taehyung, to pretend that you didn’t fuck his best friend, so you’ve been trying to avoid him as much as possible.

Though it might be slightly suspicious, Taehyung hasn’t caught up to it yet.

“We do,” you say, chuckling. “Just not that often.”

She hums. “Oh well. Do you want to join us?” she asks, motioning over her shoulder. “JK said you make for a good Kim substitute.”

You snort, unsure of what you just heard. “What?”

She smiles secretively. “You know what I mean.”

Your gaze widens, and the microwave beeps, startling you. You pull your noodles out of it, wincing at how warm the bowl is. You drop it on the counter, before turning towards Sera again. “As a matter of fact, I actually have no clue what you mean.”

She bursts out laughing, that clear crystalline laugh you have no doubt ensnared Jimin when they met years ago.

“Jungkook just said that you guys hung out during the power outage and that you were chill.”

You wonder if you’ll have to murder him. You reckon you might, and your heart squeezes in your chest as you hope no one actually understood what he meant by that.

“He’s right,” Sera adds. “Each time you’ve hung out with us I’ve always found you fun.”

“Oh,” you let out, and you try to smile, try to act as if you didn’t turn entirely white at her words.

“So come eat with us!”

And then she’s waltzing out of the kitchen, and you wonder if you should just jump out of the window. Avoiding Jungkook seems like the only viable option, especially when you step out of the kitchen, noodles in hand, to the sight of him with his head in the lap of the other girl. She’s running her hands through his hair while he plays on the Switch, and your heart squeezes uncomfortably.

Unfortunately, Jungkook catches sight of you, and he awkwardly sits up.

“Come here!” he tells you, and everyone’s head once again turns to you. “Wait, are those my noodles?”

You glance down at the bowl in your hands. “Maybe.”

“Stop stealing my food,” he complains, and he gets up, handing his controller to the girl.

You’re keenly aware of the way her gaze slightly narrows on you as Jungkook makes his way to you. He makes to grab the bowl from your hands, and you turn away from him.

“Nu-uh,” you say. “They’re mine now.”

Jungkook groans. “No.”

And then he wraps an arm around your waist, skillfully stealing the bowl from your hands and raising it over your head. He lets out a victorious cry, and his arm tightens around your waist when you try to reach up.

“If you like my food so bad, just ask me to cook some for you,” Jungkook says, looking down at you.

He’s close. Dangerously close, especially under the eyes of his friends. Of that girl he was all cuddled up with just a few seconds ago.

“What are you doing?” you say through your teeth.

He dumbly smiles, before winking at you. “Making sure you don’t eat the noodles I know I’ll need tomorrow morning for the hangover.”

“Just don’t drink too much.”

His eyes trail to the coffee table. “I think it’s a little too late for that.”

And you know it is. He smells like it, like he’s had too many beers. You wonder how he can look sober even though he drank so much – if you were him, you’d be making a fool out of yourself by now.

“Please, Jungkook,” you say after a few seconds of tense silence, of your eyes getting lost in the enormity of his gaze.

He frowns, and his arm lowers from where he’s holding the noodles up. “What’s wrong?”

You gulp. “I just had a shit date, and I’m still hungry. I just want to eat something.”

He takes a step away from you, handing you the bowl as his frown deepens. He cocks his head to the side, questioningly, and then folds his arms on his chest.

You do your best not to avert your gaze to the muscles on his arms, instead letting your eyes fall to the bowl of noodles.

“Who did you go on a date with?” he asks.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Please tell me it’s not the guy from last week.”

You shut your eyes, sighing deeply. “Jungkook, it’s none of your business.”

“He’s an asshole,” he lets out, a little louder than necessary. “Why would you go out with him?”

You grit your teeth, before meeting Jungkook’s gaze again. “Because we have history. But I promise you that after the shit date we just had, I’ll never see him again. Happy?”

He looks anything but happy, yet he still says, “Yeah.”

“Now, can I go eat in my room while you guys do whatever it is that you’ve been doing?”

You make the mistake of looking at the group in the living room, and you hate that they all quickly look away, pretending that they weren’t watching.

“Why don’t you stay with us?” Jungkook suggests. “To cheer you up.”

You settle your gaze back on him, and he really looks like he wants to cheer you up. He’s pouting slightly, a small crease between his brows as he looks at you intently. There’s a light in his eyes that you don’t want to interpret, not when you hear the echoes of him telling you that you would just pretend nothing ever happened.

Are you weak for being unable to tell him no? Maybe. But you’ll have plenty of time for regrets later.

“Okay,” you let out. “But you should chill on the alcohol, you reek of it.”

He narrows his gaze at you. “Here’s to trying to be nice to you, huh?”

You chuckle, mimicking his expression. “Poor you.”

“You steal my food and then sass me?” he says, tongue pushing on the inside of his cheek. It attracts your gaze to his mouth, and your heart once again squeezes, though this time it doesn’t hurt.

No, this time it makes blush spread on your cheeks, and you feel like you’re starting to burn under his gaze.

“You deserve it,” you declare, and then you’re walking around him to head to the living room.

He jogs to catch up to you, and once more grabs the bowl from your hands. It almost falls to the floor, but he effortlessly saves the noodles, and then motions with his elbow to the coffee table.

“Jae, clear the table please,” Jungkook says.

The guy – Jaehyun, you think? – obeys, though he grumbles the whole time. The unknown girl ends up helping him, and a few seconds later you’re seated in front of the coffee table, with Jungkook next to you. He sits so close you feel his thigh against yours, though he leans back into the couch, attention shifting to the TV, where Jimin and Eunwoo are playing a riveting game of Smash.

Everyone seems to forget that you’re there, and so you eat the noodles, trying your best not to think about Jungkook next to you. About the way you could easily cuddle in his side with a slight shift towards him…

Treacherous little thoughts. You don’t let them live in your head for longer than a few seconds, perhaps because the spice from the noodles overtakes everything. You wince, glancing at Jungkook, who catches your gaze, light dancing behind his pupils.

“You okay?” he asks as your cheeks burn.

“I forgot how spicy you like your food.”

He grins as you fan yourself. “You’ll get used to it. We just have to build up your tolerance.”

Then he does something incredibly stupid. You think his friends will notice, but they all erupt in cheers as they watch the TV, and Jimin slams Eunwoo’s character off the platform.

Jungkook’s large hand lands on your upper thigh. You’d say it’s possessive if you could produce any thoughts, but your brain zeroes in on the spot where he touches you, and you look down. He seems to realize it at the same time as you, and he quickly moves his hand away, frowning slightly.

He’s cute like this. Lips jutting out in a pout, a crease between his brows, confusion swirling in his gaze. Like he didn’t mean to touch you like that, the act done out of instinct.

We just pretend nothing happened, no?

His words clang through your mind, and you turn away from him. Eyes falling on the noodles, and you take a shuddering breath in. Your memories provide you with images of you and Jungkook, alone in this living room. Of an attraction that was inevitable, yet now it tastes bitter.

You’d like to be angry with him. For being so casual about everything, for wanting this over whatever secretive relationship you could have shared with him before Taehyung comes back. Maybe you’re stupid for wanting anything – the longer it would last, the more it would hurt. But as you force yourself to eat the food he cooked, you think the spice on your tongue isn’t really what’s hurting.

No, it’s your heart in your chest. It beats achingly, even more so as Jungkook ends up moving away from you, as if realizing through his drunken haze that he shouldn’t sit so close to you. That even if you tried to be friends, just friends, he’s already fucked you like there was no tomorrow. And during the power outage, it truly felt like there wasn’t any. Like you could just stay in that bubble outside of time.

When Jungkook ends up lying back with his head in that girl’s lap – Lisa, you now know – you pretend like you don’t wish it was you, running your fingers through his hair. You pretend like he’s not there, yet you see him in the periphery of your vision. You hear his laugh, know he smiles, and you wonder, is he just pretending?

Or is he attracted to that girl? You wouldn’t blame him. She matches his doe eyes, pretty features always hinting at a smile. She’s attractive, and you quickly understand that she is Sera’s best friend. Or at least it seems so, because she’s comfortable with the boys, and even more so with Jungkook.

You wouldn’t be surprised if they have history. Or if Jungkook is planning to get with her – hell, if you were a guy, you reckon she’d be the type of girl you’d want to get with.

Yet it hurts. It burns, and you find it hard to focus on the television. Even more so to participate in the conversation, and if someone notices, no one says anything. Perhaps because these are not your friends – no matter how friendly they might get, you’ll always be Taehyung’s little sister to them.

You’ll always be Taehyung’s little sister to Jungkook.

“Hey, do you want something to drink?” Jaehyun says, shaking you out of your thoughts.

You’re done eating by now, and you just turn to look at him, a startled look on your features. He chuckles at the sight, and you feel your cheeks burning.

“No, all good,” you tell him.

“Careful,” Jungkook says from behind you. “Tae’ll kill you if you speak to her.”

Now, Jungkook’s speech is definitely slurred. He’s drunk – you were aware of it before, but you hadn’t realized just how much. Indeed, when you turn to look at him, you know the bitter expression on his features is one he usually hides behind a mask.

Just like that you know that he indeed does care, in the weird, twisted way that Jeon Jungkook can care. It reassures you somehow, but also breaks your heart.

He was there, during the power outage. Did he, too, use it as a way to escape reality? Is he, too, regretting having to go back to normal?

You like to tell yourself that he does.

“Bruh,” Jaehyun lets out, and Jungkook quickly composes his features, offering a bland smile to his friend.

The others just keep speaking about whatever it is that they’re speaking of now, but you can tell Jungkook is upset. You don’t think it’s jealousy because of Jaehyun – he’s haunted, just like you.

He stays upset for a while. Drinking in silence, sitting up when Lisa says something to him and him only. She looks disappointed, and her eyes dart to you for a millisecond before she looks away. If she wants to blame you for Jungkook not wanting to cuddle with her anymore, then so be it.

Because you like that she’s not running her fingers through his hair anymore. Like that he sits between the two of you, and you imagine he’s just a little closer to you than he is to her. You’d want him to be – it’s a dangerous thought, much like all of your thoughts when it comes to Jeon Jungkook.

When Eunwoo suggests doing shots, Jungkook plasters a smile on his lips. You see it for the mask that it is, yet you don’t mention it. You long to reach between you and him, to smooth the lines on his brow away, but you don’t do anything. You accept the shot that’s handed to you, and a few minutes later, you let it burn down your throat.

After that, you decide to grab something to drink, only so that Jungkook won’t have to feel alone. Though you highly doubt he’ll realize the silent support that you offer him.

While you’re still in the kitchen, Lisa walks in, a pretty smile lighting up her equally pretty features. You freeze by the fridge, and she moves closer to you, casually saying, “Hey, how are you?”

You offer her a tight-lipped smile. “I’m okay. You… want anything to drink?”

She looks down at the lemonade you’ve gotten for yourself, nodding once. You hand it to her, and it takes her a few seconds before she grabs it, awkwardness lingering in the air. You take another one for yourself, and then you face her again, hoping she’ll be gone.

She hasn’t moved an inch. As a matter of fact, she’s looking at you pensively, nose slightly scrunched.

“You’re Taehyung’s sister?”

The question takes you aback. You widen your gaze, struck like lightning just hit, and your mouth falls open. You think you must look stupid, so you clear your throat, trying to escape the awkwardness.

“I am,” you reply. “You are?”

“Lisa! Sera’s friend,” she supplies, and she offers you a nice smile. “Something happened between you and Jungkook?”

Straight to the point, then. You’d expected her to circle around the pot, never really fully digging in, but she’s straightforward. You can only admire her for it, even though your heart starts hammering in your chest.

“What do you mean?”

She purses her lips, before chuckling. “Sorry, you probably think I’m crazy.”

You don’t know what to say, so you just remain silent, trying to figure out how to escape the situation. She notices your unease, and she winces.

“Yeah, sorry, I definitely made things awkward,” she says. “It’s just…”

“Peaaaach,” Jungkook yells from the door to the kitchen, and both you and Lisa startle. You meet his gaze over her shoulder, and he frowns, leaning against the doorframe. “What are you guys doing?”

Lisa turns towards him. “Just talking.”

Jungkook cocks an eyebrow. “Well then, why don’t you come just talk with everyone else?”

You stifle a laugh, right as Lisa glances at you over her shoulder. You offer her a tight-lipped smile, and then she shrugs, before walking away.

Jungkook moves out of the way to let her pass, and then he walks in, heading towards where you’re still standing next to the fridge.

“I’m…” he trails off, and he stumbles a little when he stops next to you. “I’m fucking drunk.”

You hear it in his speech. “You want water?”

“Water?” He narrows his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “No, I want beer.”

“Jungkook,” you scold. “You don’t look like you should be drinking more.”

He snorts, and steps closer to you, towering over you. You tilt your head back, though you don’t budge from where you’re standing, effectively blocking the fridge’s door.

“Move,” he tells you.

“Drink water first.”

He lands a gentle hand on your waist, pulling you flush against him. The sudden motion makes you shriek, and you push on his chest.

“Let me get a beer,” he tells you. He drops his head next to your ear, and his warm breath tickles the side of your face. “Before I do something we’ll both regret.”

“Listen,” you whisper, and you gulp as his lips ghost on the shell of your ear. “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

Yet when he does it again, your eyes flutter close, and you angle your head to the side to give him better access to your neck.

“It’s hard to pretend when you look so damn good,” he murmurs. “Always.”

“Jungkook…”

He shakes out of it, taking a step away from you. The sudden absence of contact feels like a cold shower, and you gulp again, this time to swallow the lump that was threatening to form in your throat.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Wow. You’re right. I need water.”

You watch him as he moves to the cupboard, grabbing a glass for himself. He fills it at the sink, and he drinks it all in one go, as if that simple gesture will be enough to sober him up. You highly doubt so, but you’re relieved as he pours himself another glass, this time leaning against the counter to drink it.

“What was that?” you ask him.

He sighs heavily, pulling at his piercings. “I don’t know.”

“You can’t do that,” you tell him. “Especially not when there are people around.”

That second sentence is uttered in a low secretive tone, but evidently he still hears. He shrugs, tongue pushing against his cheek.

“Sorry,” he repeats.

He does look apologetic, if not troubled. Like maybe he lost control of himself for a few seconds, and you see it for what it is – you left your mark on Jeon Jungkook. Because there was desire, in his voice, as he held you close to him. Want, in his half-lidded eyes, like you could just step back into that outer world the power outage consisted of.

But you can’t, and as the sober one, you realize you’ll have to be the one to maintain a safe boundary. No matter how much you hate it.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him, and you clear your throat as you open your can. “You just caught me off-guard.”

He smirks lazily. “Liked it?”

The conversation is taking so many 180-degree turns that you feel dizzy, and you shut your eyes, before taking a long swig of the lemonade. It fizzles in your throat, and though it burns you force yourself to drink and swallow.

You only open your eyes to meet Jungkook’s gaze again when half of the can is gone. And you glance towards the door, knowing you’re betraying yourself when you say, “So what if I did?”

“Pretend, peach,” Jungkook says, and it’s almost condescending. “What would your brother say?”

You hate the reminder of Taehyung, but it does the trick. It douses you, and you escape Jungkook’s gaze by focusing on the tiles on the floor.

What would Taehyung say indeed. You wonder if he’d jump into a plane and come back right away. You wouldn’t be surprised if he did, and some part of you believes it might be the only way to keep Jeon Jungkook away from you for the time being. Because without a chaperone around, it’s only bound to happen again.

Especially when he lets his mask of unbothered coolness go. Like he did just a second ago, making your bodily temperature spike. It’s yet to come down, and you take another drink of the lemonade, hoping that it will cool yourself.

“He’d probably say that he’d kill you, right?” you say, reminiscing about what he said to Jaehyun earlier.

“Oh,” Jungkook lets out, and he chuckles. “Definitely. As a matter of fact, I think I’m living on borrowed time now.”

You purse your lips. “So let’s pretend, right? Safer that way.”

He nods. “I really am sorry for that,” he says. “I don’t know where it came from.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassure him once more. “Just don’t ever do it again.”

“Ever?”

The question is accompanied by a pout, and you hate the way it makes your gut twist. Like butterflies catching flight, treacherous bugs to make you sick to your stomach.

“Stop,” you say, rolling your eyes. “Why are you such a shameless flirt?”

He’s grinning, yet he doesn’t say anything, only shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of his water.

“What’s up?” Jimin says as he walks into the kitchen. He eyes you and Jungkook, and the safe distance between the two of you, before heading closer. “Is this like a lame roommate-only party the others can’t join?” he jokes, and you step aside to let him access the fridge.

“No,” you answer at the same time as Jungkook.

Jimin snorts. “What’s up with you two?”

“Nothing,” you quickly say, though your cheeks burn.

“Right.” He clearly doesn’t buy it, and he says, “Peach?”

You gulp. “Don’t ask me, he started calling me that last semester because of Mario Kart.”

“She always chooses Princess Peach!” Jungkook quickly adds, and you think perhaps you’re only digging the grave further.

“Last semester?” Jimin asks, and he’s got a knowing smile on his lips. He’s toying with you two, and he’s enjoying every second of it.

“Yeah.”

Your gaze slides to Jungkook as if he has any support to offer, but you think it’s too late. Strangely, Jimin retreats, shrugging his shoulders.

“Whatever,” he lets out. “Why are you drinking water?”

Jungkook motions to you. “She suggested it. ‘Cause I’m pretty drunk.”

Jimin cocks an eyebrow, sending you a disbelieved look. “He’s been drunker than this, he can handle himself.”

“Why are you trying to get so plastered?” you ask, unable to help yourself.

Jimin purses his lips. “Why not?”

Why not indeed. It seems Jungkook only needed that encouragement to return to drinking, and you watch in horrified awe as he drinks and drinks, downing shots with his friends as soon as you return to the living room.

You’re not surprised he’s struggling to stand on his feet by the time his friends leave. Jimin and Sera linger for longer, Jimin offering you an apology when he realizes the monster he unleashed.

“I told you,” you say, sighing. “Now I’ll sleep to the sounds of him throwing up.”

Jungkook hiccups, raising a finger. “I’ll have you know.” He pauses, shutting his eyes as he sways. “I don’t throw up.”

“Yeah yeah, Jungkook,” Sera answers, and you stifle a laugh as he glares at her.

“Let’s just get you in bed before we leave,” Jimin says.

“And tell Lisa to stop looking at me like that,” Jungkook tells Sera, speech so slurred you’re not quite sure what he said.

It seems his friends also aren’t sure, because Sera says, “What?”

Jungkook looks at you, frowning. “I don’t know.”

“You’re fucked up,” Jimin says, and he starts laughing.

He’s not faring all that better, and he sways on his feet as he clasps Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook loses his balance, but he luckily just falls against the wall, slowly tilting to the side.

“Oh shit.”

All you can do is look at him as he eventually collapses, though he’s laughing the whole time. Jimin follows soon after, and Sera and you just look at them, eyes wide.

“You guys always drink so much?” you ask, directing the question to Sera.

“They do,” she replies, pointing to them. “Believe it or not but Taehyung’s the one that usually gets them not to drink too much.”

You cock an eyebrow in disbelief. “Yeah yeah.”

“I swear!” she insists, laughing that easy laugh of hers. “He only got too drunk that one time last semester.”

“And he threw up in the car,” you reminisce, while the guys do God knows what on the floor. “Hardly see that as a good influence.”

“He’s not,” Jungkook says from the floor, and you look down to see him sprawled on his back, Jimin giggling next to him. “Your brother is an asshole.” He looks serious for a few seconds, and then he bursts out laughing. You just remain silent, and he’s the one to speak next. “Can you help me?”

He does grabby hand motions at you, and you scrunch up your nose as if in disgust. “You can crawl to your room yourself, JK.”

He forces himself to sit up, leaning against the wall, as Jimin does the same next to him. Though Sera folds and helps Jimin after he’s offered her puppy eyes even you wouldn’t have been able to resist either.

“I’ll crawl to your room if you don’t help,” Jungkook threatens.

“Alright, let’s see you try.” The challenge hangs in the air between the two of you, as Sera and Jimin watch the scene unfolding.

Jungkook turns his head in the direction of your room, but then resumes his attention on you. “Too far.”

“Then sleep on the floor.”

“Are you for real?” he asks, and he sounds exasperated.

You groan, rolling your eyes, though you finally step closer to him. “We should have asked your friends…” you trail off looking at Jimin. “Your sober friends to help bring you to your room before they left.”

“Peach, I much prefer if it’s you tucking me in,” Jungkook teases as your hands close around his.

His are clammy, warm, but you ignore it, instead pulling him up. It’s a struggle, Jungkook a dead weight, but soon enough you manage to help him stand. He wobbles on his feet, and you hold onto his arm, trying to steady him.

“I won’t tuck you in,” you say through gritted teeth when he’s finally standing on his own.

You’re about to slide your gaze towards Jimin and Sera when Jungkook cups your cheek, and you think the Earth has stopped revolving around the sound. It stops abruptly, and you’re propelled forward, in those big eyes looking down at you like you’re the only thing in the universe.

You want to hate him. Right now, you want to hate him so bad for telling you to pretend nothing ever happened. Because it’s too natural to lean into his palm, too natural to get lost in his eyes.

How many girls has he ensnared with that sparkly gaze? How many of them have fallen for the trap, only to be abandoned when he’s done playing?

“What are you doing?” you ask him.

He blinks once, slowly, and then turns his head towards Jimin and Sera. Jimin’s mouth is agape, and Sera looks like she’s about to burst out laughing, that knowing glint in her eyes so bright it almost puts Jungkook’s gaze to shame.

“Shit, you’re still here?” Jungkook lets out.

“Not anymore!” Jimin quickly replies, and he tugs Sera towards the door. “We’re leaving. You guys do… whatever it is that you’re doing. We didn’t see anything.”

You move away from Jungkook, and his hand hangs in the air between the two of you for a few seconds before it falls aimlessly at his side. You take a step towards Jimin, calling his name.

He looks at you when he has an arm in the sleeve of his coat, the other one yet to be put on. “Yeah?”

“It’s nothing,” you say, trying to put as much conviction in your tone as you possibly can. “He’s just drunk.”

“Oh.” Jimin laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Sure. I won’t say shit to Taehyung. I like Jungkook’s head on his shoulders.”

You gulp, your throat feeling so dry you wouldn’t be surprised if you’d die. “Who said anything about Taehyung?”

“Isn’t that what you were going to say?” he enquires.

You shoot a look towards Jungkook, who looks like a kid who’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t do. He’s pouting, eyes angled to the floor, and his hands are hidden in his pockets, as if he doesn’t trust them to not touch you right now.

“No?” you let out once you turn back towards Jimin and Sera.

Both of them finally have their coats on, but you think it’s too late. It’s too late – no matter what he says, Jimin will tell Taehyung. He’s a busybody, through and through, and you just know Taehyung’s ought to know by the time the sun rises tomorrow.

You can only hope you’ll be able to weather the storm when it’ll hit.

“I was just going to say…” you start, not really knowing where to head. “Honestly, nothing more than that – he’s just drunk. If you want to tell Taehyung that Jungkook’s handsy when he’s drunk, I don’t think that’ll surprise him.”

Jimin throws you a no-bullshit look, as if he was there during the power outage. As if he saw the way Jungkook held you, and the way he fucked you like it was the end of the world.

“To be fair, Jungkook is handsy all the time,” Sera cuts in. “Did you see how he was sprawled on Lisa earlier?”

You don’t know why she’s throwing you a lifeline. But you remain silent, not wanting to dig the grave deeper, and you just offer a nod and a tight-lipped smile to Jimin. He does look confused for a few seconds until he shakes his head as if trying to clear his thoughts.

“Whatever,” he eventually says. “I’m way too drunk for this shit anyway.”

And then he’s turning around, opening the door to step outside. Sera watches him go fondly, before turning towards you again.

“Sorry about that,” she apologizes on behalf of her boyfriend. “He really is drunk.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassure her as you walk to the door. You hug her goodbye, before holding the door open for her. “I’ll see you guys around.”

“See you!” Jimin yells from the bottom of the stairs, and you wince hoping you won’t get a noise complaint.

“Shut up,” Sera hisses through her teeth, and Jimin throws an apologetic look in your direction before his girlfriend grabs his arm, forcing him to follow her as she walks away.

You look at them for a few seconds before shutting the door behind you, and it takes you a moment to gather the courage to face Jungkook again. A moment of you looking at some chipped paint on the door, wondering how it is that the stars aligned to put you in such a compromising position with your brother’s best friend.

How is it that he had to seduce you, only to walk away like nothing happened after? It makes your blood boil in your veins, and you turn around with ire in your gaze, directed at the man leaning against the wall.

He’s still staring at the floor, his features blank. You wonder what’s going on in that thick head of his. Is he regretting this? Is he realizing that no amount of pretending will ever be enough to cover the fact that you did the irreparable, together?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you ask him, venom dripping from your voice.

He looks startled, big eyes going wide as saucers as he meets your gaze. “What?”

“Now Jimin’s going to be onto us!” You vaguely motion behind you, before folding your arms on your chest. “I know you’re drunk, but you’ve got to fucking control yourself.”

“Hey, fucking chill out, will you?”

You see red. You see blood red, like a bull and its red flag, and you cross the distance between you and him. He waits for you, lips spreading in a lazy smirk as he leans his head against the wall, only so that he can look down his nose at you. You stop right in front of him, finger pointed towards his features.

“Don’t tell me to fucking chill.”

“Or what?” He tilts his head to the side, the perfect picture of arrogance.

“Or I don’t know, Jungkook,” you drawl, shutting your eyes in annoyance. “Don’t you care that Taehyung might be onto us because of Jimin?”

He huffs a breath, and you open your eyes to glare at him. His tongue toys with his piercing, before pushing on the inside of his cheek.

“He won’t be,” Jungkook affirms like it��s the truth to the universe. “Why would he? Because we’re hanging out? Nah, we did that even before he left.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Not like that.”

“Like what?” he pushes.

You sigh, fists clenched so hard they’re leaving moon-crescent indents in your palms. “Like we’re friends. You touching me. All that shit.”

“I thought you like when I’m touching you,” Jungkook says, voice dropping an octave.

You stare at him in disbelief, quite at the same time as your heart starts racing in your chest.

“Shut up.”

He raises his hand in defence. “Sorry. It’s hard to help myself when you’re looking at me like that, peach.”

You try to school your features into neutrality, but you don’t know if it works. Don’t know if he can tell that your blood is rushing to your cheeks, threatening to have the effects of his words show on your face.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me,” he murmurs, and a finger of his finds your clenched fist, tapping gently on it. He doesn’t stop there – his digit slowly moves up your arm, and all you can do is stand, frozen in place. “Like you’re mad I suggested pretending that nothing happened.”

You hate him. You really do. You don’t understand how he’s able to say this shit when he’s drunk, but then again, maybe he’s wanted to say it sober, but his inhibitions were keeping him in check. Now, nothing forms a barrier between his mind and his mouth, and the words come forth to taunt you, tease you.

To make your heart race in your chest as you look up at those big doe eyes.

“I’m not mad,” you insist, swatting his hand away. “I agree with the statement. He’s your friend, he’s my brother. We shouldn’t have fucked at all.”

He nods. “See? I knew you saw the wisdom of it.”

Now, it hurts. It almost hurts enough to cut through the blinding anger in your blood, though you cling to the anger like it’s a buoy. You cling to it like it’s the path to safety, and maybe it is.

Maybe it is, because Jeon Jungkook is danger personified.

So, you roll your eyes, gently patting his chest. “Then stop. Fucking. Touching. Me,” you say, tapping on his chest with every word uttered.

He sucks on his piercing, and you think his gaze has gone darker. It’s clouded with lust, all directed at you. When he looks at you like that, you feel like the rest of the world goes out of focus, like all there is is him.

Which is quite frankly the reason why you need to stay away from him. To never let him approach you again, to never lower your guard with him again. For Taehyung, yes, but also for your heart that’s barely recovered from Sam Hwang.

It’s strange, to think that you started the evening with Sam, only to finish it so close to Jungkook. To finish with so little distance between you and Jeon Jungkook that you fear you might crash in his orbit once more.

“You’re the one touching me right now, peach,” he says, voice so low it almost sounds like a growl.

And you are. You’ve laid your hand flat on his chest, and you can feel the racing of his heart under your palm. You make to move your hand away, but he quickly puts his hand over yours, clammy fingers keeping you close.

“Let me go,” you breathe out.

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

His sentence makes you insane. Makes the red spark to life again, and you quickly step away. It’s like you were in a trance – you blink once, twice, and Jungkook appears in all his drunk glory again. He looks at you carefully, the lust fading as he beholds the emotions on your face, the mask you’ve let slip.

“Don’t ever tell me that again,” you warn him.

“Why?”

“Just don’t,” you insist, scoffing. “You can’t kiss me, I can’t kiss you, we-“

Jungkook interrupts you by grabbing your face and crashing his lips on yours. You’d expected it – you’re the mere comet, and he the star. Though you might have come from Kuiper’s belt, Jungkook has been pulling you in, and there’s no escaping his gravity.

So even though you shouldn’t, you kiss him back. You kiss him back, pushing him back towards the wall. He hits hard, and he huffs out a breath that you swallow as your tongue darts in his mouth. You taste the alcohol on his breath, but more than that you taste him – the inebriating taste of Jeon Jungkook makes your mind spin in no time, and you’re forced to take a step back.

To take a step back and look at his pink lips, now swollen from the kiss. His eyes remain closed, and his breathing is ragged, chest going up and down quickly, much like yours is, too.

“Don’t kiss me again,” you say.

And you walk away. You don’t look at him once before slamming the door to your room shut, hands shaking so hard you think you’ll break. The shaking threatens to take over your whole body, and you almost expect Jungkook to follow you.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t, and the sound of his door softly shutting is like a flatline, haunting you terminally. Like there will be nothing more after that than the memories of his lips on yours, of his hands tracing the curves of your body.

Though it might be sad, though every inch of your body is craving for his touch, you need to be sane. You need to stop before you both get in too deep. Because, even though you could have him now, even though he’s just on the other side of the wall, the moment Taehyung is back, it would have to be over.

You don’t want to get involved with someone that you’re only bound to lose anyway.

You don’t sleep after that, sleep evading you in favour of your spiraling thoughts. You let them carry you like the tornado that they are – you’re in too deep already.

What will be left of you when the tornado spits you out?

Prev | Chapter 6.5 | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

Ughhhhh they are annoying I love them. What did you guys think? Let me know <3

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takes1 · 3 months ago

Note

i just wanted to tell you how GOOD that asahi x reader that u posted recently is like OML. ty for doing gods work and posting for my MAN

extra: a rough!asahi drabble

i appreciate your kindness so much. 😭this is just a small final-final drabble to the rough!asahi series, nothing much but some ppl were asking <3

warnings. implied nsfw, heavy recreational drinking, minors DNI

details. fem!reader / fluff-esque / asahi is the aftercare king / mutual size kink / playfighting kink / power struggle fetish / nishinoya loves his friends / 900 words

links. my masterlist. my ao3. more haikyuu. part one here. final part here.

Thanks to some calculated foresight, nobody noticed you and Asahi leaving at the same time. Everyone had been involved in their monetized 50/50 odds with Kageyama/Tsukishima's brawl that nothing else mattered.

That was, of course, only until Nishinoya couldn't find his bestie.

He was turning to call to you, make one more joke about how you scared the big coward off.

He quickly scanned the rest of the room- you had both vanished from thin air.

"Yachi?"

It was a little tap against her leg. He sat on the floor, back against the sofa that she was perched on. She leaned forward to hear him amidst all the commotion.

"Did you see where Asahi went?"

Her face grew bright, bright red. She straightened and didn't look at him, except for another tiny, nervous glance.

Yachi infamously could not keep secrets. And, although it wasn't exactly a secret that you two left, it was obvious that you didn't want to be followed, and she knew your feelings well.

Nishinoya's mouth hung open- he pushed himself to sit between her and Daichi, watching her way too close.

A suspicious mutter, right next to her cherry-red face, "You know something."

"Okay- okay, 'Noya-!" Daichi grabbed him hard enough to make him sit naturally again, "Stop that."

"Where is Asahi!" He shouted.

He shoved Daichi off and got up to a kneel again so that he could scan the entire living room. It was hardly a question, because this twilight-zone couch wasn't going to get him any answers.

Suga tried a smarter approach, after sharing a panicked look to Daichi.

"He probably had to take a shit, or somethin'."

Nishinoya stood on the couch, pointing a harsh finger at Suga. He was completely tipped off now, unable to trust a single person, because it was obvious he was not in on something. Now they were all trying to lie.

"You know he only shits in his own house!"

Daichi had to stifle his laughter- that was so true, and such a tiny detail they all knew, and never acknowledged. His attempts to grab Noya were compromised as he giggled. Being pretty wasted did not help.

"Noya, Sit- aah-hahaha-! Sit dowwn!"

"Okayyy, relax man!"

Nishinoya was freaking out, also drunk, knocked back down to his knees because of Daichi's clumsy pulling, "Wheeere! Is! Asahiii!"

Suga stood up to help, only throwing a glance to Yachi- who looked like she was about to implode. The pressure was high, made worse by everyone else's loud chanting, a count-down, for Kageyama to keep his hold on Tsukishima in the center of the circle.

"You're gonna-Ow! Hurt yourself!"

It took the combined strength of Suga and Daichi to keep their smaller friend in place. Tens of minutes passed by with Nishinoya restrained by his legs and waist- sprawled awkwardly over their laps. He would occasionally cry Asahi's name up to the ceiling in a monotone, defeated drawl, as if he was dead.

Nobody else cared, aside from thinking Nishinoya was a funny little guy when he had been drinking.

The rest of the matches were quieter. Daichi had to give up his ref position to Kageyama, since he was sober and the most willing, but that didn't stop him from making the world's worst calls.

Yachi was the first to hear it.

She was zoned out, staring forward at the blank wall, but got roused by a small, and somewhat familiar pitch.

"Oh- oh no--," She leaned over Nishinoya's leg, shaking Daichi's shoulder. She mouthed, 'I can hear them!'

Instead of springing up into action right away, like she expected them to, they sat still. It took a second to understand that they were trying to listen.

The very feint, but undeniable, sounds of some very good sex met their curious ears.

"The speaker-!" Suga caught his breath, sporting a very similar, harsh redness, as he shoved Nishinoya off, "Fuck, I- I'm getting th'speaker."

The solution was efficient, and a surefire way to keep everyone downstairs for longer. It was waking up those that were falling asleep.

It also helped to disguise Asahi once he began barreling down the steps. To the little group, all in on it, they were turned around already, waiting to see him as he stepped into the light.

He was glittering with sweat.

A brief, uneven, "H-ey, guys."

He cleared his throat, unable to meet any of their eyes, as he continued to the kitchen for some water.

Daichi collapsed onto the couch. He was taken completely with laughter, and Suga sat upright, mouth hanging open, growing warmer and warmer, clutching Yachi for support.

If that's what Asahi looked like, it was safe to assume that you must've been in shambles.

When he came back around with water, Nishinoya flung his torso over the back of the couch and barely snagged him by the shirt.

"Asahiii!" He gripped him tight, meeting his eyes with a messy smile, "Who won?"

Asahi made a frightened sound.

In his violent shudder, Nishinoya was shaken off and had to go without a proper response-- he scoffed, calling after him, "You're such a wuss!!"

☆VIP☆

@integers @paradoxicalwritings @yuchacco

taglist. thanks for supporting!

@samisfunky @fimisstuff @vlads-dracula3

@toria175 @kornlol @coffeeaddictedmay @feiwelinchen

@thisiswhereishitpostalot @kitewa @foxxxything @kaeyasrighttoenail @screamin-abt-haikyuu

my masterlist. more haikyuu. my imagines.

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soukokuforthesoul · 3 months ago

Text

married!soukoku aus where they always get married/engaged in somewhat unconventional ways every time

- just saying “ok we’re married now” and that’s that

- buying rings together and calling it a day

- writing their own marriage papers because they do not need any records of them, even marital ones

- saying their vows in bed a moment before they go to sleep

- ^ or whilst killing people together

- ^^ and being enemies

- ^^^ or marrying before becoming enemies, then treating dazai’s betrayal to the mafia as a divorce contract… at first, seriously, then just joking about it and getting ‘remarried’

- drawing a line on each other’s ring finger

- chuuya accidentally cutting dazai’s finger exactly where the ring would go, and dazai saying that it means chuuya had proposed… so they’re married now

- ^ trying to carve a ‘ring’ into chuuya’s finger but he says no and just gets his own ring

- “let’s marry” “ok, when?” “now” “ok” and so they were bound through life and death, and vowed to hate (love) each other till death did them part

- eloping from the mafia?? (so chuuya leaves, too)

- high school au and they marry on the rooftop of the school just for fun

- marrying before dating

- marrying on the verge of death (both of them are about to die)

- getting caught (or kidnapped) together, and the worst decision their captors made was to put them in the same room. so they make one of the captors the priest and the ring is taken from a grenade as they run away and let the explosions behind them be the symphony to the newly wedded couple—

- ‘marrying’ as children (elementary school, probably) and one of them takes it seriously and to heart, so the other feels bad to say it hadn’t been literal… and then they actually do marry

- ^ OD: “i can’t wait till i find a beautiful woman to marry and die with ><!!” CN: “…i thought we were married, dazai?” *insert the most pathetic expression ever* OD: “w…we were?”

- “chuuya, you have to say ‘‘till death do us part.’” “why? death ain’t got shit on us!” “i don’t wanna be stuck with you even when we’re dead.” “asshole.”

- dazai breaking into the mafia after years, kneeling before chuuya whilst simultaneously avoiding the guards + other pm members who surround him, taking chuuya’s hand, taking the glove off, and sliding a ring onto his finger then just. leaving. 100% to confuse chuuya and give him shit in the pm so they start questioning him until he manages to talk his way out of it (and later confront dazai about it)

- marrying whilst drunk and not remembering anything about it the next day

- marrying as an ‘act’ under enemy territory to catch them off guard, then attack

- ^ later being like “can it just have been real so we don’t have to deal with the cheesy shit again?” “bet.”

- lmao dazai proposing to corruption!chuuya only for the ring to be utterly crushed under his fingers before dazai turns him back… and dazai being upset about it so he doesn’t talk to chuuya for a week

- a ring… made of bandages? just tying a strip on and being like “there! now we’re married <3” “you idiot—“

- putting a ring in chuuya’s food but chuuya nearly ends up choking on it

- putting a ring on the other’s hand when they sleep so there’s no room for rejection… and when they wake up they’re all confused like “did… i just miss a couple years of my life?”

- “truth or dare?” “dare.” “i dare you to marry me.” “…okay?”

- ‘arranged marriage’ but it’s actually dazai manipulating mori/or his parents into wanting to make him marry chuuya—so that chuuya has no choice (he did have a choice bc dazai consulted him about it before, but dazai announced to their families that there had been no choice) and so they can do it technically with the parents/mori’s consent (they didn’t want to ask like normal people)

- marrying through letters… penpals? “dearest chuuya, will you marry me? (enclosed is a ring, if you say yes. if not, send it back without an answer). sincerely, osamu.” “to osamu— fuck yeah?? also this looks expensive as shit… its mine now!! — chuuya.”

- bribery that wasn’t necessary

- ^ “i’ll give you (thing) if you marry me.” “…i would’ve said yes, regardless, but now that that’s on the table—yes please:3”

- pop star/singer au and popping in a “slug/mackerel, marry me!!!” whilst on live… knowing the other is watching

- long distance au and marrying on call, but they were both already prepared so they say their vows and present rings that they’d had sent in mail to each other and put them on themselves

- ^ doing it late at night just for the fun of it and falling asleep amidst giggling and hushed promises to see each other soon

- college au and proposing at graduation !

- fanfic writers au and they slip in a “btw if u see this, pls marry me chibi/idiot (depending on who it is)” in the notes, and later the other frantically texts them asking if they were being serious

- adopting a kid together and then, years later, realizing they never married

- forbidden lovers au but they marry publicly

- ^ that but royalty au and they propose in front of the entire kingdom/broadcast it to the world

- thinking they’re gonna die: “fuck it, marry me, dazai!” “wha—okay!!”

#i ranted a little too much here #might actually write one of these bc i didnt realize i had so many ideas #bsd #bungou stray dogs #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #dazai x chuuya #chuuya x dazai #soukoku #skk #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd skk #chuuzai #dachuu #bsd drabbles #bsd soukoku #bsd aus

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gremlingottoosilly · 2 years ago

Text

Stranger danger (slasher!Konig x fem!Reader)

You never wanted to go to this stupid party. Turns out, you were right all along - it doesn't save you from this weird guy in a Ghostface mask though. Warnings and tags: Non-con, size difference, knives, slasher-y, slight degradation, obsessive Konig, yandere Konig, praise kink Word count: 3069 AO3

You told your friends you didn’t want to go to this stupid party. No one cared. You asked them for at least a funny group costume, and everyone agreed – only to bail at the fucking party, so you were the only one who went as a freaking ant from that one extremely sad meme. With a little handkerchief on a stick and everything. No one got it.

You told your friends that you wouldn’t want to get drunk unless they would be with you because, honestly, college parties are the worst, and you don’t want anyone to get roofied. They left you by the snack table, making you eat smarties and occasional chips like salt counts don’t exist.

You were munching on a particularly tough pretzel – the packaging was saying something in German, as exotic as this college could fucking get without being too scared of spices – when The Guy dropped himself on the couch next to you.

Yes, The Guy – because you were in no right to call him just a guy, a dude, a lil’ bro, or anything like that. He was way over 6 feet, probably creeping on being the new form of a fancy light post, and built like a bear that was eating nothing but protein and particularly tasty American tourists. Dressed in all black, very original, he must love spending time in various shops and choosing between 50 shadows of the same dark attire.

At this point, you were not surprised that he was wearing a Ghostface mask. At this point, you lost all of your capabilities to be surprised – only slightly intrigued, perhaps, and a little bit aroused when he manspreaded his legs and pushed his knee right against your leg, not stopping until he crammed you to the corner of a sofa. How the one man could take so much space, you had no idea. What he was eating to grow up this big – also.

He looked like at least three frat boys from a sports team crammed together in one body. Tight muscles that could be seen even through the bagginess of his clothes – you aren’t sure if you could survive looking at his pecks without wanting to give up all of your life earnings for a gym membership.

— Hey.

A master of flirting, you just needed someone to talk to.

The Guy didn’t respond.

You frowned – a typical college boy would already try to flirt with you, probably getting you drunk to get an easy lay for the next 10 seconds of pure physical exercise. If he wasn’t interested in a conversation, he probably shouldn’t have sat in your corner – unless he wanted to steal snacks, of course. Something in his figure told you that he would be a freaking hurricane in the snack aisle.

He smells like metal – weird, you think. Not like you wanted to smell him, of course not. You were just crammed in a really tight place against his shoulders, your nose forced to press into his shirt and inhale the deep scent of some generic perfume, a surprising hint at laundry detergent and cleaning supplies – and, of course, said metal.

You expected sweat and cheap booze – but this means it smells like a butcher and a cleaning lady at the same time.

To closer observation, he looked…nervous, almost. Hands fidgeting with a fake knife that he probably snatched from some Halloween supply shop – it’s surprisingly heavy looking, without that cheap shine that a lot of Ghostface costume knives have, and you feel almost endeared by the way he fidgets and spins the knife in his hands. Still, somehow, he looked anxious.

— Are you alright?

He continues to sit here silently. You fight the savior instinct inside of you, reminding yourself that you do not need to nurse and mother a grown-up college boy who is probably too high to talk right now or simply dozed off in his mask with no one to notice this – but still, something in his hunched posture made you feel…soft. Tender. This, or you’re too drunk to not be a doting mommy, since all of your friends ditched you and your sad ant cosplay to be slutty fish sticks.

— Ja, I’m fine.

German accent. This is a surprise for a college boy at this party. Guys who are usually visiting those places can barely speak English, so knowing German with that perfect weird accent of his makes you feel…things. Never too much for accents, you still sat a bit closer, your face pressed against his shoulder. Cheek smashed on his skin – he doesn’t say anything about extreme physical contact. You’re surprised at your own confidence.

— From which program are you?

— What?

— Like…which school. What do you study?

He paused. Flicks the knife in his hands – from this angle, it looks way too sharp for a simple plastic knife. Guy must be a crazy cosplayer who spends hours on trying to make foam and metallic paint look this realistic – you admire this level of nerdiness a little bit. With this skill, he could be more than a generic Ghostface.

He shrugs, leaving you without an answer. Alright, not much of a talker. Probably from computing, STEM boys always act like contact with females would make them pregnant.

— Are you enjoying the party?

— Ja.

— You came alone?

— Ja.

— What do you…alright, just tell me if I’m annoying. I’ll stop bothering you.

He chuckles – your cheeks are immediately heated when he presses his hand closer to your thigh. The actions is suggestive, and you don’t quite…don’t quite mind it. You always had a thing for masks, and his body resembles the one of a greek statue – you wouldn’t want to pass on this opportunity. Definitely not for sex, not the type to hook up with a random boy on Halloween, but maybe a sloppy makeout and some number exchange would take place.

König had different plans.

Honestly, you made it too fucking easy for him. Good girl, polite girl, nice girl who actually fucking asked him if he was alright because his hands were shaking from the adrenaline he got from killing some weird asshole trying to get a drunk girl in his bed. He was shaking because he knew he’d get away with it – there were so many drugs on the venue, police wouldn’t even want to open this rathole and try to search for a killer in that random ass city he got on a break after the latest contract.

You made it too easy – your weird costume, your sad face, and your attempts at caring for him actually made his blood boil from excitement, and his nerves(and his dick, throbbing in that baggy black pants) stir. You tucked in the corner, all by yourself, surrounded by loud noises and intoxicated people who couldn’t give less shit about your safety. He can slit your throat, and everyone would think it’s a costume.

He can…and he can also take a little treat for having such a good last mission. Might even take you with him if you’d promise to be a good girl and don’t fight him in the trunk of his car.

You can’t even scream when he pushes his hands on your throat, squeezing. You wanted to, he knew by the look in your eyes that there was a fire inside of you – so he extinguished it as fast as he possibly could, laughing at your pathetic attempts at fighting him off. Just like your friends, you are weirdly easy for him to handle. Just a bunch of drunk college mates, nothing compared to his experience. He’d say that he stood too low, so crazy on his leave, that he decided to search for the easiest prey imaginable, but sometimes you need to choose yourself and find some easy hobbies that you can partake in without taking too much from your psychological sources.

Sometimes, you just need to kill a bunch of drugged students and take home one of them – for mental health reasons. Konis is sure that KorTac would allow him to take you to the base if he’d prove that you are his psychological support pet. Maybe he could even share you with some of his officers as a treat. You’d be so sweet for Krueger, he can tell just from that terrified look on your face when he pushes his hands further, blocking your windpipe.

König is strong – stronger than anyone you know, probably. He knows how to use this strength for the better and for worse, and he isn’t afraid of pushing a bit too far, not enough to break you, but just freaking perfect to make you dazed and turn your brain into mush. So sweet for him, such tasty little noises and scratches of your nails on his gloved hands. He must leave some marks on you later since you’re so sweet to him now.

— Not so talkative now, Schatzi?

You squirm, trying to punch him right in his dick, and he only moans when your knees are jerking in a poor attempt at kicking his balls. If anything, it feels like a really nice massage. So fucking obedient for him, he can’t even imagine how cute you’ll look chained to his bed, forced to play his little girlfriend while he is searching for your friends to finish them off.

Taking off your clothes is ridiculously easy. Even while you decided not to wear a slutty costume for Halloween, the cheap fabric isn’t a good barrier between him and his desire to freaking crush you – he exposes your breasts, covering them with one of his hands right about now, keeping his other hand firmly seated on your throat. You whimper and cry as he plays with your soft buds, making them harden, undoubtedly creating a pool in your shorts. God, you’re beautiful like this.

He actually grieves wearing a mask that can’t be moved this easily – he’d love to munch on your breasts, to try your nipples with his tongue, and roll his teeth over your soft mounds. He can’t, not right now, at least – you’re not nearly broken enough not to tell the police about his face, and he doesn’t want you to close your eyes. Need to make sure you’ll see every inch of his dick.

His rough gloves are creating a weird but pleasurable pressure on your buds – you whine and sob as he pushes his hands to stimulate you more, not caring that you don’t want it. Tugging and teasing with his fingertips, you actually feel like you’re going crazy just from the way he is playing with your breasts. Pushing from side to side, touching soft flesh, not even allowing you to moan as every time you try to open your mouth, he grips your throat tighter.

When he is finally done playing with your boobs, you can almost feel bruises forming from his rough touches. You whine when he goes to rip your shorts – his touches feel like lava spreading between your legs, no matter how much you wanted him to stop, your tongue never came to actually beg him for it.

To his delight, you are soaking.

Your pretty pussy on full display for him – twitching and squeezing for nothing, poor thing, he might as well just push the finger already, stretching you out just enough to let you feel the burn without breaking you. König would love to just push his dick inside without all of these dancing around nothing, but he is aware of his size – and very, very aware of yours. Little things might not be as small as he likes to think you are, but you’re freaking tiny compared to him. Weak and fragile, you have no fucking excuse to just parade yourself like men around you aren’t a bunch of wolves that would love to rip you apart and fuck what remains.

You can barely breathe while he pushes his fingers inside, just one digit is enough to make you squirm under him. You’re wet, pussy damp from all of the juices – lack of oxygen makes you dumber, pliable, make you his best little thing in the world. A girl like you has no business going to parties and whoring yourself to a bunch of early alcoholics – you should stay at home, his home, cooking him dinner and warming his dick. Cleaning his knife after he’d gut some dumb fuck, making sure to get your tongue into all the sharp edges.

Scheisse, just the thought makes him harder than ever. Perhaps he needs to stop playing the nice guy and finally give you the pounding you deserve.

Tired of just holding his hand on your throat, he forces the blade of his knife to take its place. Not nearly enough to cut your skin, but a constant reminder – if you’re a bad girl and would try to escape, he might slit your fucking throat as easily as butter. If you’re a good girl, unlike your friends, he might just take you with him. What a beautiful option.

One finger turns to two very quickly – and, since he doesn’t stop you from moaning and talking, you finally gain your voice back. Poor girl, too dumb to understand that all of your little threats and cries and everything is just a fucking delight to his ears. Might as well record it for his alarm clock.

— Get…get off me!

Such a strong words for such a weak girl. He’d spank you right away, but his fingers are too busy playing with your folds, smearing your juices all over your clit and trembling pussy. You’re dripping like a slut, and it busts his ego – a fancy college girl like you, so wet and needy for a nasty criminal. He knows how to treat you right and has all the resources for it – but somehow, it feels like you’d enjoy being treated like his doll.

He can be sweet after he has fucked you raw.

— Please, you can’t…I won’t tell anyone if you just stop, I promise!

— Shatzi, why do you think I’d let you go after this?

— I…I will scream.

— Ja, you can scream. Do this for me, please.

He laughs as he plunges in, giving you sweet seconds to become accustomed to the feeling of his dick impaling you. Bulging in the outline of your soft tummy, another boost to his ego – just to think, he was so anxious about crashing this party, knowing it would be filled with prissy students who all get to live the life he dreamed of, but you made it all worth it. You’re sweet and fiery, and you grip him like a glove. No matter how wet you were and how much pre-cum he had leaked, you’re still tight for him. Too tight.

You scream when he plunges it, and you continue to scream when he pushes deeper, further, when he moves back a little bit, only to push forward again. His hand finds your clit, never stopping until you’re squirming and crying full-on under him. Such a shame he can’t kiss you, not with this stupid mask – he can only play with your slit and push a knife against your throat over and over again, never allowing the adrenaline in your system to run dry.

Over and over, pushing you further and further until he plunged inside fully – you’re so puffy around him, your pussy lips swollen and spread for him, your clit is throbbing from the pleasure he gives you. Getting you off like that is easy for him – but he has to make sure he isn’t taking it too far, not with how warm and tight you are. He hates being in a position of weakness, but you’re just so perfect, he can’t help but push further and further until you are a sobbing mess and he is on the edge of orgasm.

He forces himself to be slower, his pushes are more and more deliberate – he doesn’t want to cum so fast, even though the mix of your sobs and his adrenaline high from the killing almost makes it impossible. He doesn’t want to stop like this, so fucking easy, but you’re so welcoming and cute and…

— Please, please, don’t…don’t come inside, I’m not on the pill, I’m…

God, you’re so sweet for him. Did the devil finally give him his gift for Halloween?

He laughs as you sob softly, pushes you more and more, and your poor pussy is getting stretched far beyond its limits. He steals this orgasm from your decency, robs you of any accountability – you just lay here, under him, receiving his dick like a good girl you are. Couldn’t have it any other way, just wanted to have you pinned under his body forever.

Your orgasm is crushing, painful in a way – you're all too sensitive for a dick this large to impale you, you sob, and you cry, begging for him to stop before he’d cum inside. Your biggest nightmare is alive when he pushes the knife away from your throat, squeezing it again just so he can cum in the tightness of your hole.

He stays like this, connected to your deepest parts, for a good few minutes, dumb out after the orgasm. You try to squirm from under him, but he only laughs, slowly pushing away from your body. Just one load is enough to make your pussy all messy and even more wet. You’re so dirty for him, it’s actually impossible not to love you even more when you’re like this, dumb and sensitive and so, so fucking cute.

His cum drips from your overflown pussy, pearly white liquid stuffs you ever so perfectly, König laughs, putting his clothes back together and getting one last look at your ruined hole, clenching around nothing. You can’t even talk at this point, poor thing – just how can he leave you here to be found by your perverted friends who would only take advantage of you?

It’s only natural that he sneaks your limp body through the window, holding you like a beloved possession while he is getting in his car.

It’s only natural that you fall asleep in his arms, your pussy stuffed so full, he just knows that he’ll add to the mess once he’d get rid of the body of a dumb college guy he killed moments ago.

#cod #konig x reader #yandere konig #konig #cod x reader #cod x you #yandere cod #call of duty #slashers #slasher

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visceravalentines · 3 months ago

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drowning is only as hard as you make it

bo sinclair x gn!reader

2k words. weird melancholy freak behavior. author's thinly disguised smoking fetish. established relationship (lol). Ambrose is lonely. that's it that's the fic.

He always manages to find you. Every time. It’s not a game anymore, not really; there’s no use keeping score when only one side is allowed to earn points. There are no rules, no satisfaction in the victory. You’d make your way back to the house even if he never showed up. Today you’re not even hiding.

The row of vacant windows across the street catches the last lazy rays of sunlight. A few eager fireflies pantomime shooting stars just above the freshly cut grass. He mows the lawns regularly, every last one of them, dripping sweat in the sticky air. You think it’s nonsensical. He doesn’t care what you think. At least it smells nice. Nostalgic. Painful.

On an evening like this, there should be kids out. Riding bikes, running through the neighbor’s yard. Parents watching from their porches. People chatting, relaxing. Hell, maybe a dog or two. But there is only you, and the fireflies.

The heat of your cigarette creeps dangerously close to your fingers but you wring one last pull off the thing before you crush it against the step. Scorch marks dot the woodgrain like initials carved in a tree, only better, because they’re anonymous. Could've been left by anyone sitting sulking on these stairs and pondering ways to disappear. Plausible deniability.

Too bad you're the only one here.

You set your hand on the pack beside you, work another one out with your fingers without looking. It’s all reflex. It’s all muscle memory. That’s all you are anymore, something that survives without thinking about it.

In that shadowy place called Before, you only ever smoked on rare occasions. At parties or bars, always with friends, always a little drunk. You'd never admit it aloud but a part of you used to pride yourself on your restraint–you could stretch a single pack out over a month or more, until the tobacco had gone stale and the cigarettes tasted like dusty paper. Until it was less of a treat and more like a chore to get through the last few.

Now you drop butts through the grate of your days like maybe you can fill up the emptiness with smoke.

You sigh and light up, take a drag and let it sweep you up above the gutters. You imagine the town might almost be pretty from up high. Hard to tell from here.

“Didn’t know this house had a chimney.”

Some part of you remembers what it felt like to flinch when he got this close. Another part remembers the way you buried your face in his back before he got up this morning. You exhale nice and slow. “Thought you knew everything.”

“Now, we’ve talked about this.” He leans against the rickety railing, white paint flaking off at the slightest disturbance. “You know nothin’ good comes from thinkin’.”

As a matter of fact, you’ve talked about everything already, but that’s never stopped him before. You’ve heard all the stories sixteen times, could recount his childhood from memory one miserable year after another. You know where he got that scar. He knows all about your first kiss. Eighth grade was hard for both of you for vastly different reasons. He’s never been to your hometown but he could probably find your old house. You’ve never met his mother, but you hate her just the same. Favorite movie, worst fear, where were you on 9/11? In a zombie apocalypse, he’d choose an ax. You’d take the shotgun with exactly two shells. It’s almost romantic, except, well.

“Hey.” He slams the heel of his hand against the railing and somewhere along the line, the wood splits with a crack. “What’d I just say?”

You look up, jarred loose from your spiral, and he’s shaking his head.

“Damn fool. Gimme those back.”

He reaches out a hand and you slip one last smoke from the pack before you give it to him.

“Lighter too, baby, c’mon.”

You hesitate for a second, long enough he has to flex his fingers to make the point. You hand him the lighter, keep the spare cigarette, tuck it behind your ear.

He peeks into the pack and his lip twitches. “Fuckin’ glutton. This was full this mornin’.”

“Sorry,” you deadpan.

“Sure y’are.”

You’ve had this conversation too, in just about every house on the street. You wonder if he ever feels crazy, playing it all out over and over again. Probably not. He's composed of repetition, a record that skips in the same place every time it's played. You feel crazy, fucking listening to it.

You watch him work a cigarette loose, watch him hold it in his lips, watch the tendons flex across his knuckles as he lights up. For all the fucking smoke he blows, you still think he looks damn good as he exhales up towards the fading sun. One of life's little cruelties.

“Y’know, supper ain't gonna make itself,” he says casually. Like he’s trying to piss you off. He probably is.

“You sure?” you shoot back, like you’re trying to piss him off. You definitely are.

He chuckles, unbothered. “I dunno, baby. Been wrong before.”

“Yeah? Tell me more.” You're bold these days. Stupid. Dangerous, and not in the same way as the surgeon general's fine print. Dangerous in the present moment. Shaving seconds off your life like taking a pocketknife to a good chunk of wood. But games are more fun with two players.

He doesn’t want to play, though. Probably worn out from mowing all those fucking lawns. He shrugs. “Nothin’ more to tell.”

“Pantry’s empty anyway,” you mutter. The grocery list on the fridge has wrapped back on itself twice over. He’s been cagey lately, reluctant to venture into town. You’re down to canned goods old enough to read chapter books.

“Guess we’ll starve.”

“Guess so.” You flick your rapidly shrinking cigarette and watch the ash fizzle frantically down and disappear. The chorus of crickets crescendoes to a dull roar in the silence.

“You like these, huh?”

You're not sure what he means for a second before you realize he's talking about the cigarettes. You take another drag like you have to mull the taste over, really consider the question. He’s not a patient man, but he waits for your answer.

“Yeah,” you say finally on the tail of your exhale. “Best ones in a while.”

It’s the truth. He's got his own brand and you like it too, but he's a fucking skinflint, and he only buys himself a pack when he's really hard up. Most of the time he scavenges off corpses and out of glove boxes. And you live off his scraps, so.

Regretfully, you stub yours out as the flame hits the filter. Your throat is raw, tongue wrapped in the taste of tobacco. Everything in this town is racing to kill you and you wish something would win already. You can feel him watching you, now and always.

“Somethin’ you need, sugar?”

“No.”

“Hmm.”

He exhales with relish. You think about the taste of smoke on his tongue and tobacco on his fingers and you grit your teeth. He’s a vice in every sense.

“You pissed at me?”

What kind of question is that? You peel a chunk of paint off the stair near your shoe. “I’m always pissed at you.” You mean it and you don’t and you’re braced for retribution either way, but none comes.

“Fair enough.”

You steal a wary glance in his direction. He’s covered in flecks of grass. He shed his overshirt in the heat of the day but it’s back on now, unbuttoned, the tee underneath smudged with green. He lifts his hat, rubs his brow with the heel of his hand, tugs it back into place. His face is a little sunburnt in spite of the thing.

“You wanna fight?”

You stop breathing for a second, sit very still. He looks down at you, cocks an eyebrow. He’s really asking.

You think about it, really think about it. Broken skin, broken glass. No neighbors to scandalize. You shake your head. “No.”

He shrugs, goes back to staring holes in the house across the street. You almost want him to be disappointed, but his face is placid, expression impassive. “Alright then. ‘Nother time.”

You furrow your brow, look at your shoes. You pick at the paint, feel it slip beneath your nail like a splinter. You’d bet five bucks you don’t have that he’ll be back to repaint these steps within the week. It makes you want to rip them apart so he’d have more to do. You’re not sure if he’d take that as a gift or as sabotage. You’re not sure how you’d mean it.

“How ‘bout we head inside, feel each other up? See what happens?” You look at him sharply. He’s really asking. “We can do it how you like it.”

How you like it. How do you like it? Does he know? Do you?

Your expression must be a funny one because he grins. “What? You a prude all the sudden?”

No. No, but.

You find the words wedged behind your teeth. “You a gentleman all the sudden?”

He snorts. “C’mon now.” He gives the railing one last yank, almost pulls it loose. As he rounds the steps he drops his spent cigarette and crushes it underfoot. “Scoot.”

You make room on the stair and he sits down heavy beside you, takes up more than his fair share of space, same as always. He smells like sun and sweat and grass and smoke. His sleeve rides up and exposes the pink of his wrist. He pulls it down without thinking about it. You almost–almost–pull it back up.

“I’m just tryin’ to figure you out. Don’t know what the fuck you want.”

Now that's a dumb fucking thing to say. You want a thousand things. A meal. A clock that works. Cable TV. An article of clothing that doesn't reek of mothballs and someone else's fear. A normal conversation with a normal human being. Half a goddamn hour to yourself without the urge to lock the doors and set the house on fire.

Anything. Anything.

“A light,” you say bitterly.

To your surprise, he digs the lighter out of his pocket. Holds it up to show you, like a peace offering. He moves his boots down a step, pats his thigh. “C’mere.”

You straddle his lap and it’s like you’re walking in and out of a room at the same time. Your hands find their place on either side of his chest and he’s warm to the touch like a dog lying in the sun. His fingers play at the small of your back. You can escape into the maze of abandoned homes or the pattern on the ceiling but you can’t slip away from those eyes at this distance. They catch you like barbs on wire, as distant and cold as the sky.

This is how you like it. His head tipped back, looking up at you. You run your thumb along the edge of his jaw and he almost–almost–smiles.

He plucks the cigarette from behind your ear, flips it in his fingers. You open your mouth. He sets it on your tongue. He flicks the lighter, brings it close, and when you breathe in you feel it–the poison of this place, yellow-green, permeating your lungs and all the rest of you. No use in pretending. No use fighting the current. Drowning is only as hard as you make it.

You wonder if he knows you’d come home even if he never came to find you. Maybe that’s why he comes anyway. Maybe that’s why you keep hiding. So you both have something to look forward to. Games are more fun with two players.

It’s not worth thinking about. Nothing good comes from thinking.

You start to exhale and he tugs you close, sucking the smoke from your mouth, because he never can let you keep anything to yourself. Maybe you don’t even want to.

Your lips touch. Tangerine thrums behind your eyes. You’ll go to bed hungry tonight and so will he. One shotgun, two shells.

“Don’t say I never gave you anything,” he murmurs.

You’re already working his shirt off his shoulders one-handed. “Nothing I want.”

He laughs once, almost breathless, leans back on the stairs so you have to lean with him. “C’mon now.”

You toss the cigarette into the dirt to free up both hands.

#bo sinclair #bo sinclair fanfiction #house of wax fanfiction #x reader #bo sinclair x reader #wow this feels like trying to remember how to ride a bike and driving immediately into a retaining wall #this used to be my doodle fic. where i would just go and doodle around anytime i had a smol itch to write but not really #well tadaaa it gets to see the light of day #mx. reader's got a nicotine addiction and that is the LEAST of their problems #relatable i think #does anyone even still read how ff???? hello??? i am calling down the empty tunnel in the woods

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recareels · 6 months ago

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warnings: 18+ for mature themes, mentioned intoxication, implied student-professor relationship, sunday is a little too jealous for a big brother, sunday is taller than reader words: 939

honestly just can’t stop thinking about sunday catching you, his precious baby sister, getting ready for a university halloween party, knowing full well your favourite professor mr. reca is probably going to be there, despite the fact that you will neither confirm nor deny this notion (*ﾉωﾉ)

Sunday knows, the instant he sees you busy primping yourself in the gilded hallway mirror—dainty fingers fussing with your feathers, a cute little pout of concentration molded to your lips—that you’re up to no good; that you’ll be up to no good tonight.

Call it a Big Brother’s intuition.

“Really? An angel?” Sunday leans a shoulder up against the cased opening, arms crossed loosely over his chest. “Don’t you think that’s a little…” Obvious. “Cliche?”

Your eye catches his through the mirror, ministrations halted, a small frown deepening your pout, corners of your lips twitching downward.

“No, I don’t.” Your gaze darts back to the reflection of your hands, careful as you fluff up your faux wings, twisting a little this way, then that, admiring yourself. “Besides, it’s fitting, no?”

Sunday chooses not to answer that.

“And where is this Halloween party being held again?”

“At some club in the Moment of Stars.”

“Which club?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Sunny,” your eyes capture his again, holding his stare through the glass. “The university is throwing it; I’m sure you can find out the exact location on their website, or their socials, or something.”

Lips pressing into a thin, hard line, Sunday watches you finish up in silence, his sunset stare scalding on the back of your head. The hinges of his jaw flex as his molars grind together, Adams apple bobbing with a reflexive swallow. It’s nipping at the tip of his tongue, the question that’s been clawing at the walls of his skull since you first brought this damn party up several weeks ago.

Is he going to be there?

“Look,” you turn towards him after you’re done, palms finding their rightful place on his shoulders. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. It’s just going to be a fun little Halloween party with some friends from school.” You raise up onto your tiptoes, pressing a chaste kiss to the edge of his jaw. “Faculty will be present; it will be safe.”

His entire form stiffens at the word faculty—a visceral reaction—and you sigh softly, tender hands smoothing down his shoulders, then drifting over his pecs, ironing the ridges from his jacket and the stress from his muscles—a silent reminder to stop slouching.

His spine snaps into submission, straightening up immediately and raising him to his full height—shoulders rolled back, chest puffed out just a touch, The Head of The Family resurrected once more.

“I promise I’ll be back at a decent time.”

Another kiss—this one softer, longer, closer to the corner of his mouth—and then you’re off, bouncing out the door towards a friend’s car, idling in the cobblestone horseshoe of the mansion’s driveway.

“Be good!” he calls after you, desperation straining his voice, heavy with the things he wishes to say, the things he dares not speak, lest it make them true.

“Always am!”

But Sunday knows better. Sunday knows you will be anything but Holy tonight.

And Sunday was right; right to be concerned, right to harbour suspicions.

Because hours past the time you promised you’d be back, well into the early morning when Sunday’s eyes are bloodshot and burning from glaring at a screen, lips chewed raw by incessant incisors tugging at superficial skin while meticulously refreshing your socials—and those of your friends, and that of the university—he finally receives the confirmation he was looking for, his worst nightmares come to life.

Because there you are, drunk or high or both on heavens knows what and decidedly fucked up, dancing with some man in a devil mask on a friend’s social media story.

The mask was clever—you must’ve thought ahead, a coordinated act rather than a coincidental encounter—but it isn’t enough to conceal the man behind it.

Nothing ever will be.

Because Sunday would recognize those sharp crimson eyes anywhere.

Jealousy froths in his chest as he replays the short choppy video over and over again, stupidly hoping his eyes are playing tricks on him, as if rewatching the godforsaken clip enough times will cast some sort of spell, will magically cause it to morph into something more favourable.

A special type of fury churns his stomach, an anger doused in envy, and he feels ill, thick saliva slimy as it pools beneath his tongue. Emotion bubbles up his throat, acidic and bitter, to gnaw away on the back of his tongue, burning his flesh as he tries to swallow past it.

The man—presumably Reca—has got his arms locked around your waist, chin hooked over your shoulder, staring directly into the camera as you shout something, garbled and bleary. Your bodies sway as one to some indistinct beat blaring in the background, nothing more than a distorted pulse of noise as it filters through the device’s microphone.

Then you’re turning in the arms of your professor, his large gloved palms flattened at the base of your spine, deft fingers splayed so the tips of his pinkies rest on the swell of your ass; and you’re giggling, obnoxiously knocking your forehead to his and pressing sloppy kisses to the mouth of his mask; and Sunday sees it, the final nail in the coffin of confirmation, a mere millisecond before you’re devoured by the cresting crowd of partygoers.

Your fingers, twining in a flash of ivory hair at the nape of the man’s neck—curling, tugging, knotting; closer, closer, closer.

Sunday’s changed his mind; your costume is fitting—an innocent angel, corrupted and seduced by the likes of Satan himself; a sweet seraph, fallen from grace and dirtied by the hands of evil.

Ruined, forever.

#mr reca x reader #mr reca x you #mr reca x y/n #hsr x reader #hsr x you #let’s pretend i am not posting this two hours before halloween is over #this idea came to me right before dinner so of course i had to write it asap #HEHEHE #more big brother sunny!!!!!!!#inky.sunday #inky.reca #prof!reca

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roanofarcc · 5 months ago

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SEVEN MINUTES

pairing: sasappis x ghost!reader

summary: while sam and jay are away on a weekend vacation, trevor decides to teach the ghosts party games he played in high school, which leads to you and sass being forced to spend seven minutes in heaven

warnings: slight feelings of unrequited love, crushes, first kisses, and nervous Sass. gen!reader.

word count. 1.2k | masterlist

Gathered around in a circle, the ghosts of Woodstone watched with various levels of intrigue and concern as Trevor explained the concept of a game he used to play back in high school while at parties.

“Normally, we’d sneak alcohol from my buddy’s Frankie’s parents but we, unfortunately, can’t get drunk because death is a never-ending nightmare,” Trevor said, clapping his hands together. “So, everyone get the rules?”

Hetty scoffed. “This is what you called entertainment, engaging in salacious acts for seven minutes?”

Trevor grinned. “Exactly! Seven minutes trapped in a closet with, if you were lucky, the hottest girl in the grade. If you were lucky, you’d get a kiss and maybe some over-the-clothes action. If you weren’t so lucky, like my buddy Frankie, you’d realize how long seven minutes in the dark really is and then your friends laugh at you.”

You felt a little giddy, reliving a high school experience that sounded way cooler than yours. With Sam and Jay gone for the weekend, you and the ghosts were free to act like a group of children left without supervision.

“Oh! We played something similar in the cult. But when it was over, someone was married!” Flower said. Her attention wandered onto something outside of the circle, leaving no room for the questions everyone had but wouldn’t ask because Flower wasn’t one to give a straight answer, ever.

“Isn’t this going to be weird?” Sasappis asked. “If two people go in there and kiss each other?”

You wore a teasing grin on your lips, peering at him from across the circle. “What? Are you scared, Sass?”

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “What? No! I was just…asking. We do all have to live here for the rest of eternity together.”

“A kiss is nothing. We can call things weird when the clothes come off, okay?” Trevor said.

You tilted your head to the side. “You’re already halfway to weird, Trev.”

He shrugged before sitting down in the circle with the rest of them. “Ready?” The ghosts all nodded and Trevor concentrated all of his energy into spinning the bottle on the ground. It circled around, its neck pointing to everyone until it started to slow, then stop. The neck pointed to you and the bottom directed across the circle, right in line with Sass.

The ghosts all ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed’ as you stood to your feet, ignoring the odd feeling in your stomach. Sass looked like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. He looked on the verge of mortified, which did not bode well for your waning confidence. You didn’t think spending seven minutes alone with you was the worst, but by the look Sass was giving you, you began to rethink that.

You attempted to fake confidence, extending a hand out to him to help him up.

“All right you two. Everything’s game once you get into the closet. You’ve got seven minutes; we’ll let you know when your time’s up,” Trevor instructed.

Sass hesitated but accepted your hand, letting you pull him to his feet. Wordlessly, you two walked into the coat closet, standing in the darkened room face to face.

The silence was heavy, weird, weighing down on your chest as you waited to see if he’d break it.

“So…” he finally said, trailing off with a breathy, slightly uncomfortable laugh. You smiled, but it was probably lost in the darkness.

Instead, you cleared your throat and toyed with your hands for something to distract you. “So…” you repeated back. “Still scared?”

That time, his laugh was a little less uncomfortable, easing just slightly as your eyes adjusted to the darkness. “Honestly? Maybe a little.”

“You didn’t have games like this back in your day?”

He scoffed, playfully. “No, we had better things to do than stand around in dark closets.”

“I’m guessing you had better places to kiss too then, huh?”

Sass was quiet for a moment. You watched as his head tipped downwards, his chin nearly touching his chest. For a moment, you wondered why that was his reaction. The other men in the house had no problem boasting about their first kisses or any action they had while alive, except Sasappis. You had always thought it was because he was more private about that kind of stuff, but you began to doubt that thought in that moment.

You gently reached out, placing a finger under his chin and lifting his head upwards. “Sass?” you whispered. “Have you ever kissed anyone before?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassment rolling off of him in tangible waves. But you didn’t find it embarrassing; you found it rather sweet, actually.

A small smile graced your face as you ran your thumb across his cheek before cupping his jaw. “Hey,” you said, nearly nose to nose with them. “Come on, Sass. That’s not a bad thing.”

“It is,” he groaned, reopening his eyes to find you even closer, but he didn’t pull away. “Don’t tell anyone, please?”

“You know,” you said, lowly. “There’s a pretty easy way to get around ever telling them you’ve never had your first kiss.”

His brows furrowed, hands down straight at his sides. “How?” You cocked your head to the side, eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips. It took a minute, but he seemed to catch on. Blinking, he whispered, “Oh.”

“We don’t have to-”

“N-No!” he rushed out, cringing as his voice came out loudly. Sass cleared his throat, nervously licking his lips. “I mean, that’s the point of the game, right?”

You brought up your other hand, holding his face and admiring him for a moment. You’d thought about kissing Sass before, not necessarily in a dark closet during some game Trevor convinced everyone to play, but you thought about it nonetheless. Every time he laughed so hard he doubled over or when he excitedly explained something with his hands and a twinkle in his eyes. Every time he shot you a smile from across the room when he caught you looking at him or when he’d accidentally brush up against your shoulder when gathered in a group.

But Sass was tricky to read and you never knew how to make a move or to make it known that you’d be okay with him making one. Finally, you found it, and you really didn’t want to ruin your chance.

“Are you sure?” you checked, whispering centimeters from his lips.

He answered by tilting his head and leaning in. You pulled him the rest of the way, crashing your lips together. The kiss was needy but not rushed. Sass’s hands rested on your hips, and you pressed your chest against his, having longed to be that close to him since you had laid eyes on him.

It wasn’t until you two ran out of breath that you pulled back, wide smiles a little love drunk. Heat flushed your face, all hidden in the dark. He didn’t let go of you, holding you close like if he let go, you’d disappear.

“Wow,” he muttered.

You laughed, resting your arms around his shoulders. “That wasn’t so scary, now. Was it?”

He shook his head, leaning in for another kiss, that time a little more sure of himself, still with a couple minutes left inside heaven to spare.

#cbs ghosts #sasappis x reader #sasappis x you #cbs ghosts fanfiction #trevor lefkowitz #flower montero #hetty woodstone

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starryeyeddreamer21 · 12 days ago

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Hazbin Hotel au where they all live in the same shitty apartment building

Lucifer is the landlord but pretty much none of the residents have ever seen this man. There's a rumor going around that he's dead and his daughter is just pretending he's not. It's a whole thing but everyone in the building believes this. Some even say his ghost is haunting them.

Charlie has taken over running things and helping the other residents. She's super nice but also a bit of a pushover so you can probably go months without paying rent and she won't kick you out.

Vaggie lives with Charlie and is the only reason they're actually getting paid. Everyone tries to call Charlie when Vaggie isn't around specifically so they don't get yelled at.

Angel works at a strip club and is roommates with Cherri who's a DJ. They are probably the worst neighbors you can imagine. There's always people coming and going from their apartment and he smell of weed and loud music is almost always coming from their room, Charlie is too nice to do anything but ask them nicely to stop.

Husk is always arguing with them because he lives next door. He's always drunk and pretty much only leaves his apartment to go to the casino.

Niffty actually works as pest control and a cleaner for the building. She used to have a husband but one day he went missing and was never seen again. Niffty didn't seem to mind at all and everyone likes her so no one ever says anything.

Alastor is a mystery to all the other residents. Angel swears he sees people walk into Alastor's room and never come out. No one listens to him because he's high all the time and thinks he's imagining things but they stay away from Alastor regardless. Everyone except Niffty who seems to be pretty close to him and Husk who doesn't actually seem to like the guy but is seen hanging around with him anyway.

Sir Pentious is the newest to move in. He's new to the city and he wants to become a famous inventor and tries to befriend the other residents but Charlie is the only one that's even nice to him. He's a nice guy but doesn't like anyone in his apartment because he thinks they're going to steal his ideas for inventions.

I actually have a couple ideas for this au and was thinking of adding more characters. Just other characters we know like the vees and other overlords in general. But I haven't decided because they could also be residents so the apartment could be this world's version of hell OR it could just stand in as the hotel and I can keep it as these characters. I'd love to hear what you think :)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel au #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #charlie hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie hazbin hotel #chaggie #angel dust hazbin hotel #cherri bomb hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #niffty hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #sir pentious hazbin hotel

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kurogxrix · 2 years ago

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Drunkenly In Love

Bucky Barnes x Avenger!reader

IN WHICH you and Bucky ‘accidentally’ get married after a drunken game of truth or dare with the avengers.

WC: 5.4k

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, nausea, mentions of puke, drunken decisions, suggestive, angst?.

A/N: In this Bucky and Steve are able to get at least a bit drunk with Asgardian liquor.

Your throat burnt as the alcohol downed its way into your system, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to put the bottle down. None of you could in fact, and it started to look less like the avengers and more like a squad of alcoholics. Nevertheless, you all deserved a night of getting completely shitfaced after saving the world once again, and so this was what you all were doing.

It was relaxing to see the people that usually stayed sober to care for you all, finally give in to the sheer pleasure of the buzz. What was even funnier, was seeing your teammates with ‘high tolerances’ like Bucky and Steve succumb to the venomous call of Thor’s Adgardian liquor. It wasn’t enought you get them as fucked up as the rest of you, considering that the serum made them filter alcohol way faster than it should. However the mere strength of it gave them a good couple of minutes of intoxication, and with teammates like you and Tony around, a couple of minutes were definitely enough to stir some trouble.

Trouble, the nickname that had been given to you by the team. The notorious partner in crime of none other than Iron Man and The Falcon themselves. You loved stirring trouble and pulling harmless pranks on your teammates, whether it’d be adding food colouring to Steve’s shampoo, which definitely left him a little confused and a little pink for the rest of the week. Or like that one time you and Tony had placed glitter bombs around the tower. Except that one wasn’t as funny as you had originally planned, because having the former Black Widow chasing after you was not the definition of fun.

Past your playful exterior, you were always a teammate that your friends relied on. The rest of the avengers loved you like you were their own sibling, and you’d found sisterhood in the presence of Wanda and Nat. They saw past your flaws and the lack of control that you had with your own powers when you first joined the team, and instead helped you with and through those obstacles like a real family should.

It took you a while to break through Bucky’s tough exterior, but you didn’t expect any less from the Ex Hydra soldier that was constantly haunted by the memories of what he’d done. Even if none of it was his fault, as you’d remind him constantly, you knew that it was always hard for him to accept when every time he’d close his eyes he was flashed with the images of his hands covered in blood, nobody else’s but his.

Your outgoing personality also made it very hard to connect with him, because he felt that someone with so much potential of making other friends than ones as messed up in the head as him should go on and do so, but you had never given up. And you were glad that you hadn’t, because over the years, you’d grown fond of seeing that warm smile lift upon his lips at the very rare occasions.

Everything had started out as a shitty game of truth or dare, truly. After Bruce had chosen truth once too many times and Thor kept on complaining that his dares were too ‘serene’, your true mastermind had truly come to show.

“Come closer dude, we literally can’t see you,” you called out to Thor, throwing an arm over his shoulders to bring him closer to you as you both sat on the luxurious yet oddly long sofa in the Stark Tower. Your front camera was on, an out-of-frame picture of yours and Thor’s forehead being snapped as your hand trembled too much, and the beefy blond was far too impatient for you to retake.

You’d posted a story on the Avengers instagram account with the encouragement of your peers, and of course the worrying of a typsy Steve. It was probably the worst idea that you could have come up with, because after solely a couple minutes of posting a ‘send us dares’ story, your phones began to blow with notifications.

It took you all a solid minute to reassemble everyone together to start reading the messages, and you ignored the far too crude ones as you moved to the funny ones. Cue the loud ringing of Sam and Thor’s laughter combined and minutes later, you’d all decided on a couple of ones for the night.

I’d started off with things such as vision, who he was solely participating in because everyone was borderline pressuring him

It’d started off with things such as a very sober vision, who was solely participating because everyone was borderline pressuring him due to his lack of ability when it came to being influenced by alcohol, give the AI a break. He had been dared to recreate the spaghetti scene from ‘Lady and The Tramp’ with Clint. Needless to say that they both broke apart the spaghetti centimetres apart, unable to stop the roaring of laughter from raising up their throats.

Next thing you know is that Wanda was wrapped in toilet paper like a damned mummy, and Tony revealed his inner Magic Mike. But the man used to be a legitimate whore, so it was nothing surprising really. You all had realised somewhere along the night that you’d been acting a little too much like children considering your ages, and instead of switching back to your professional selves, you decided to empty another bottle or two for the night.

What you hadn’t expected for the night however, was the bold and surprising request of ‘Marry the person to your left’ that was now sitting in your inbox. It sounded so stupidly thought of that you could practically tell that it was coming from a kid, but something inside of you couldn’t care less about the future repercussions of going further on with the dare.

In fact, you felt your drunken heart accelerating its pace when you were met with the sight of the one and only Bucky Barnes sitting to your left. It did not help that you had been attracted to the man for what seemed like 2 years now, yet you hardly acted on those feelings. It was easier to pretend like your admiration towards the super soldier was nonexistent rather than face his rejection. The rejection that you thought he’d give you if you ever confessed, but if only you knew.

If only you knew how many nights he’d been spending up rethinking the amount of interactions he could’ve sparked with you if he hadn’t been so hesitant. If only you knew how much Bucky yearned to confront his own self about his self deprecating issues, but deep down he knew that he was right. He knew that a person as charismatic and chaotic as you did not deserve to be chained to a person as grumpy and boring as him.

You considered shying away when the whole team turned to you asking what your dare was, but it’d be a direct giveaway of your feelings towards the brunette once they’d hear what your dare was. Instead you’d feigned the shock that you had initially felt before the warmness of your imagination seeped in, the thoughts of you being married to Bucky making your brain short circuit.

“Woahhh and would you look at that,” the lack of surprise in your voice was masked by the slur of your words because of how much you’d drank, and you were glad that everybody else had ingurgitated just as much as you because their faces showed no sign of suspicion as they waited for you to turn your phone around. The first person that you had shown it to was whoever was to your right, and that just happened to be Sam and Scott.

The duo squealed like little girls at the sight of the dare, but the Falcon’s eyes widened comically as he eyed who exactly was at your left. He’d snatched your phone instantly to show the others, and no matter how much you protested for him to hand it back to you, Sam was like an annoying big brother to you. There was no way you’d be getting it back unless you forcedly found a way to.

The three other girls in the tower had their hands over their mouths as they read the exact words that this random person had sent you, and Wanda looked more excited than you were. You’d beg her to exchange dares with her if it wasn’t for the bulky super soldier’s family name being on the line, and you had no issue with becoming Mrs.Barnes.

Steve and Bucky on their sides sat there confused as everyone kept on basking Bucky some shocked and amazed looks, which was starting to irritate him greatly because everybody was taking so much time with the phone and nobody was even voicing out what the damned dare was. His vexation had lasted for minutes until the phone had been personally placed in his hands by no other than Sam himself.

Bucky placed the phone between himself and Steve as their quick eyes skimmed over the text. His only physical reaction to the words was the raise of his eyebrows, but fuck was his heart stammering against his rib cage at a faster pace than the speed at which Steve ran his morning rounds. His reaction had you internally pausing all other thoughts as you imagined that he was slightly disgusted at the idea.

You knew that he had a dream of domesticity back in the 40’s, but you knew that no man would like to be forced into a marriage with a woman that they didn’t want to marry. And although Bucky admired you in much more than a platonic way, that you didn’t know of yet, he hadn’t necessarily imagined himself being married to you. He was still figuring out how to ask you out without pussing out at the last minute, which had happened to him about 5 times now. Needless to say that Sam had made fun of him all five times.

He was internally turmoiled, and if not for the alcohol running thick in his system, he’d say no. He’d refuse and say that you deserved better than him and some shitty ceremony based on some even shittier dare. But he couldn’t physically say it now, not when his better judgement was affected and the alcohol let the side that was fond of you control him.

You were about to open your mouth to tell him that it was okay, that he could decline or worse, you could find another partner. Even if you didn’t want to marry anyone else than him, even less for a game. Yet he cut you off with a deep laugh that startled everyone in the room, it was not sardonic but rather held an amusing tone to it.

Bucky shook his head as he stood up to look at you, grasping your hands in his bigger ones like some romance movie sap. The Cheshire grin on his face made you want to melt into putty in his embrace, and his stupidly plain words had you doubling back.

“So…what time’s the wedding?”

“Hurry up, you’re gonna be late to your own wedding!” the teasing sound of Wanda’s voice called out to you, accent thick in her tone. The guys had already rushed your soon-to-be groom into Tony’s room to get him ready, much to the billionaire’s dismay. You couldn’t help but laugh your entire way towards the room, you face up towards the ceiling as you giggled like a mad woman.

Wanda dragged you by the arm and into Nat’s room, who was nose deep inside her wardrobe in search of an appropriate dress for your ‘wedding’. You’d be searching through Pepper's closet given that she had a wider selection, but you couldn’t go there given that the boys were dressing Bucky up in Tony and Pepper’s shared room.

“What about this one? Or- No, this one!” you snapped your head towards the sound of Wanda’s voice, only to catch her with two dresses in hands. Except these two dresses had little to nothing to do with a wedding, yet alone being the bride to that wedding, but this was Nat’s wardrobe after all. The black Maxi dress in her hands was the definition of the former Black Widow’s wardrobe, tight, dark and sexy if anything.

You didn’t have much say in the decision because soon enough the two girls were on you, shoving your limbs and whatnot through the holes of the dress to drape it over you. You couldn’t lie when you said that it did fit you well, the stretchy fabric of the dress squeezing and moulding into your body in every way that it should. The dress finished by your ankles, accompanied by spaghetti straps and a pair of pretty heels that had been shoved in your hands for you to slip on.

Given that the dress did in fact go braless, you did have a little worry about how the chilly air outside would mix with that, but you were far too gone to even care. With some final touches and a brush of makeup, you were finally ready to meet your to-be husband.

As a kid you’d always imagine your wedding scene to be much more emotional than this. You’d imagine yourself in some stupid movie scene where you’d cry at the first sight of your husband, but now the only tears you were holding back were the ones you were getting from laughing so much. Pepper had to slap you on the back to straighten up after you’d crumpled down from laughter, and you had yet to even meet up with Bucky.

You could hear the loud and deep voices of the other men past the long hallway that you were currently walking in, and you mentally cursed Tony for being so rich and having such a big Tower because hell were your feet already hurting in those heels.

“Here comes the bride!” The sudden entrance of Clint’s excited voice made your eyes snap upwards, and you instantly realised that you had finally left the never ending hallway. All eyes were on you, but instead of judging your odd wedding outfit, you were relieved to hear their cheers. You couldn’t even tell why you’d gotten anxious about your team being unaccepting of your fit when that odd dare was the genesis of this whole moment.

Bucky stood out in his black suit amongst the other ‘underdressed’ avengers, and when your eyes met with the familiar blue ones amongst all the others, suddenly all you could focus on was him. Not on your friends around you half heartedly arguing about whether you guys looked like the Addams couple or Lydia Deetz and Beetlejuice because of your attire. In the most adoring way possible, of course.

Your gaze never left his accept when his eyes cast down to scan your outfit, and you could’ve sworn that there was even more adoration swirling in his baby blue iris when they went back up to meet with yours again. This was at last a little bit how you had expected your wedding to go as when you were a kid, all until…

The loud laughter erupting out of your throats rebounded against the tower’s walls, making you both sound way louder than you actually were. The rest of your friends didn’t even bother with the both of you, just talking over your laughter as you doubled over at how stupid this whole situation was. Yet again you couldn’t take anything seriously when you were sober, now imagine yourself when a drop of alcohol entered your system.

The sound of Bucky’s laughter was something that you didn’t know you needed today, but fuck did it sound like heaven. You wanted him to keep on laughing like this forever, for that wide smile on his face to stay instead of that usual scowl he wore on his face. You wanted Bucky to continue being so happy and carefree like this, you wanted to keep on making Bucky so happy like this.

Nevertheless your little moment was shortly interrupted by Wanda yet again grasping onto your arm, this time with a little more pressure as Happy’s impatient honking could be heard all the way from up here in the Tower. As you left, Bucky couldn’t help but keep his eyes glued to your retreating form. Before Steve came to shake his shoulders playfully from the back, muttering something that you couldn’t hear or even care about from where you were, but it didn’t fail to make heat creep up Bucky’s neck.

The ride in Stark’s limousine was just as fun as the rest of the night itself, except that now they were popping a bottle of champagne to honorate your soon to be ‘wedding’. Honestly you had up to zero idea as to how all of your stomachs could support so much liquids in one night, but you were 100% sure that Happy had snuck in sparkling juice inside the limousine fridge because he was starting to get a little worried. The sight of Scott literally gagging while trying to keep everything down his throat nearly made you puke everything that you’d drank throughout the night, but you forced your glance away from the man to avoid any accidents.

The poor bruce looked drunkenly traumatised as Tony conducted a little karaoke at the back of his limousine, which was the least surprising for the billionaire. You got a good laugh once more out of the ride, which was heading towards somewhere for you both to sign the register and finally make you Mrs.Barnes. Oh and how many times had you dreamt of this moment before, yet it didn’t happen like this in your fantasy.

The car finally stopping signed a peace treaty for the poor nauseous scott, and he could finally breathe again without feeling like his stomach was flipping inside out. You all could barely even make it out of the car without stumbling your ways out. Fuck and how did you all even manage to get this fucked up? You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d gotten so drunk that you could barely even stand up straight, but it was most probably during your college years.

Being part of the troupe that saves the world from the devil's grip was not an easy job. There'd be days where you’d be gone for weeks on nothing else but a simple mission, and you couldn’t even guarantee that you’d even return as a whole from the other ones. So while you could, you’d enjoy your holidays and be free, fuck if it meant playing some stupidly childish game of drunken truth or dare.

All eyes were of you guys from the moment you’d stepped out of the limousine and into the courthouse. Of course Tony hadn’t reserved a normal courtroom in some random courthouse, no instead he’d reserved you the most pristine and elegant one you’d ever seen. The marble stairs and luxurious railings left you speechless, but yet you couldn’t expect little if it was coming from one and only Iron Man.

A civil ceremony wasn’t what the little you had envisioned for her big day, but her dreams were being forgotten today because you were still young and you could always have a traditional wedding ceremony afterwards if this one didn’t satisfy you anyways.

You received a bunch of odd looks from whoever was working at the courthouse as you made way into the room. Either from the fact that you were dressed the furthest away from what a bride usually looks like, or from the amount of noise that your team was making. The officiant clearly looked like he wanted to tell you to rethink this, perhaps when you were sober and stable enough to actually think. Though Tony had paid him a stack of cash high enough for him to keep quiet, but his eyes were speaking for himself.

“Look at my children, they’re growing up so fast!” Same wiped a fake tear on his face as he tried to conceal his laughter as sobs. Scott besides him was wiping tears too, though his didn’t quite seem fake…

Like any wedding ceremony, you’d all taken some corny pictures that you could laugh at while sitting by a campfire in a couple of years. You’d decided that the bride would take pictures with the groomsmen and the groom would take pictures with the bridesmaids, because this was no ordinary wedding, so you might as well make it laugh worthy. One of your matching pictures had you standing perched on both of Steve’s and Scott’s shoulders as they both held onto your ankles in case you happened to slip back. The rest of the boys you considered family posed in the most boyish yet stupidly cute pose as the flash blinded the whole of you.

In your husband’s photos, Bucky was being suspended up in the air as some red aura kind of magic enveloped him. Queue an annoyed looking Pepper and Natasha standing besides Wanda as she lifted the man up in the air, their arms crossed across their chests as they gave Bucky an unimpressed look. The annoyance was all pretend, considering that after the camera’s click went off, they all rekindled their cheerful selves.

“You guys need to end the night with a kiss, there’s no bride or groom going back home right now before you guys smooch!” Wanda slurred, her cheeks pink from the heat of the alcohol. Vision had to keep an arm around her waist at all times in case she fell over, and the AI sighed at everyone’s stupidity. At this point you were sure that everyone in the courtroom other than you guys was starting to get irritated with the noise so you decided to cut this short and just sign the damn papers already.

Except that now everyone was pressing on to what Wanda had said, and your nerves were running thick. You wanted to with no doubt, kiss the extremely handsome super soldier that you were somewhat about to marry, but you feared that you’d be going too far. Sure this whole thing was a whole joke, so what if he’d agree for the sake of the joke as well? You could always dream and delude yourself about the fact that he’d actually accepted the dare because he liked you just like you did him but you’d never know until you asked.

Instead, you stayed quiet and tried to ignore the high pitched yelling coming from your teammates as the officiant passed you the pen. Your hand shook as you stared at the paper before you, and for a second you had to remind yourself that none of this was real. And so finally, you bent over to sign the papers that laid on a strangely low table.

Natasha’s teasing wolf whistle made your nerves dissipate and a goofy smile crawl up your face as she called you out for your position, or rather the way that your dress was tightening further with the position. Your hands were swift as you worked on the signature, little to no care for the lines of text that you were supposed to consider before officially tying yourself to the man that would also sign the same paper.

You watched with a grin as Bucky approached the table to do the same, teasingly getting into the same position as you previously were to hear the loud screeching cheers of your teammates. You watched as he signed the paper off with the flick of his wrist, a hidden elegance in the way he moved being a surprise turn on for you.

Bucky had not even had time to barely stand back up straight again before you had both started getting bombarded with a ‘kiss to seal the deal’ request from your friends, and you did agree that it’d only make sense to kiss your other half on your wedding day. You didn’t want to make it seem like you were all too eager to smooch the former Winter Soldier, although on the inside you were shaking with anticipation.

His touch took you off guard as you felt time stop as his large palm slotted itself in the crevice of your back, the warmth of his hand seeping through the dress. You felt as he pulled you closer to him with that hand, but you couldn’t look elsewhere than his eyes. You got the moto to finally close your eyes instead of staring at him like some creep as you felt his other palm closing on your cheek. Your palms came to rest on his chest as he dipped you like in those cheesy rom coms from the 40’s, and you guessed that was his inspiration.

The kiss was much needed, you felt like it’d cut through some of the tension that you’d both built throughout the past months. Bucky’s nose flashed against yours as he kissed you with need, near desperation. His lips slotted over yours perfectly, the slight dip of his head making you go feral as he reached deeper like he was trying to devour you whole.

Asif you and your friends couldn’t get any louder, their yelling had yet ceased to stop. Truly a sight for the people who knew the Avengers as the universe’s saviour. The end of the night had left a usually happy and unusually smiling Bucky, and not to forget, the whole group of tipsy Avengers in the back.

The initial energy that you all had at the start of the day had eventually worn out by the time you were making your way back to the car. It didn’t mean that the ride back was silent though, you’d all participated in a round of karaoke before sitting down and finally for the first time this entire night, calmly talking like normal people.

Waking up with a pounding headache and no water in sight wasn’t necessarily the best way to wake up, but that’s how Bucky’s morning was going anyway. The plush mattress felt uncomfortable to him, and Bucky wondered what he was even doing on a bed considering he’d gotten used to sleeping on the floor ever since his Soldat days. His eyes held a grogginess that irritated him, in fact everything from the scratchy material of the cotton sheets to his headache was annoying him, and he could blame nothing else but the trace of alcohol that he knew he’d drunk yesterday night.

It was obvious that he was under the influence yesterday and had gotten back home just as faded, because he could feel the fabric of a suit on his body as his hands roamed freely. His pants were still fastened on with the tight belt, which he’d removed with a content sigh. Bucky’s fingers rubbed at his eyes until he got most of the sleepiness out of them, but his muscles suddenly froze as the sound of shuffling beside him.

His heart stopped for a second, before resuming its pounding just 3x the original speed. He couldn’t remember much of yesterday, and surely not that he’d brought someone back home with him. He was relieved at the memory of his suit still very much on him, the tight belt telling him that it hadn’t been removed ever since he’d put it on him. He’d love to beat himself at the thought of having to pick up his courage to turn around and meet whoever was in his bed, given that a super soldier like him had gone through scarier scenarios.

His breath caught stuck in his throat as he turned around to be met with the sight of…you? It felt like the planet earth had stopped orbiting for a second as he felt ten times more dizzy than he’d felt at his wake. His confusion ran thick as he watched you comfortably snoozing off in his bed. His bed? Bucky thought about it again, there was no way that he wasn’t currently in the Stark Tower, and he could tell that the room looked nothing like his despite the little lighting that he had to observe his surroundings.

He was in your room, on your bed. How he’d arrive here was a mystery, but that was something to decipher later on. Bucky’s eyes gazed over your sleeping form, from the way your cheeks were adorably squished against your pillow with your hands tucked under them. His eyes trailed down towards your outfit, and he wanted to yell at himself for the way that he ogled a little too long at the sight of the thin, tight fabric resting against your chest. The dress was all out of place because of how much you’d move in your sleep, it looked like it would completely expose your breast if you moved just a little more.

Bucky felt much guilt coursing through his veins as he continued to eye you like some crude teenage boy, yet he couldn’t get himself to stop. He could’ve sworn that he had to hold himself back from drooling at the sight of your long dress all scrunched up around your hips, exposing a bit of your legs to him. The sheer black fabric left much to the imagination as it wrapped perfectly around your thighs, that were perfectly plumped out for him in the fetal position that you slept in.

He had to physically run a hand down his face to distract the flow of blood reaching the unconventional spot right now, and instead tried to focus on finding out how he’d end up here. Sure he had no problems with sharing a bed with you, matter of fact he’d dreamt of it for months now ever since he’d developed a ‘crush’ on you as Steve would annoy him with. Yet, he felt that it was wrong as he could clearly smell the pungent smell of liquor on the both of you.

He grunted as he sat up, cracking his back like the old man that he was. Bucky checked up on you once more to find you peacefully sleeping the morning away, probably due to the amount that you drank yesterday, yet he didn’t care because it looked like you were having the best sleep of your life. As he fumbled with something along your bedside table, Bucky’s hand accidently came to crumble the side of a piece of paper.

Cursing to himself, he grabbed the sheet to try and smooth it out before you killed him for messing with your shit. Though he cared little for what that paper was, the words in bold ‘Marriage’ that he’d caught in the corner of his eye had surprised him, so he allowed himself to peek a little into your private life. A sudden new fear coursed through his body as he looked back at you for another second. Were you married and living a double life? Fuck, now he felt even more shitty as he laid on a bed with you, what would your husband think of all of this? Was your husband a shitty guy? Was that why you’d never mentioned him?

All sorts of questions ran through his head, but not once had he berated or blamed you in his head. He knew that you were nothing more than loyal, so it confused him even more as to how wedding papers were just casually laying there on the table. However, as he opened the sheet of paper to pry into your life, his heart stopped at the clear handwriting that could belong to nobody else than him. His signature and name needed no explanation or proof, they were all clearly written by him.

Bucky’s heart picked up the pace once more, only this time he felt like he was going to have a panic attack like he did after reliving his horrors through nightmares. He could barely remember shit of what had happened last night, and next thing he knows, he’s waking up next to the woman he fancies and apparently they’re married?

He fumbled with the paper in a stressed out attempt at scampering, he needed answers, and if nobody had them then he surely knew that the multiple cameras around the Tower had them. He needed to talk to Steve about this mess, and as he prepared to stand up, he froze at the sound of your yawn. He laid there unmoving for a solid minute, wishing that you’d solely changed positions and went back to sleep. After a whole minute of silence, Bucky’s shoulders dropped in relief, all until-

“Bucky…?”

let’s pretend like the avengers are all united, happy and alive lmao:)

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x avenger!reader #bucky x avenger!reader #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes fluff #avenger!reader #avengers x reader #husband!bucky barnes #husband!bucky #bucky barnes angst

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vampiriito · 1 month ago

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Here comes the sun. (JJ Maybank x reader) ||

"JJ knew it wasn't right. He knew it from the start. But nothing felt wrong about being with you when you looked at him with those eyes—eyes that seemed to pull him into a world where everything else faded away. Even for a moment. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He wasn't supposed to let himself get caught up in fleeting moments, quiet confessions and a love that was bound to eat away at everything he had. Even if he didn't have much."

"You actually came.." you muttered after a few moments, not startled by his presence, your arms wrapping around his neck lazily. JJ’s heart was beating rapidly, but his voice was steady despite that as he spoke again. He held onto you tighter, his breath becoming shaky again.”Of course I came.” He muttered into your hair. "You called and I’m gonna keep comin’ every chance I get..”

–„IN WHICH you and JJ blur the line between friendship and something more on a whim, and with the intent to keep things casual. But somewhere along the way things get messy in a way that JJ isn't so sure he is fond of anymore. Especially when he finds himself as the other man.

warnings; cheating, unprotected sex at a party (p in v), overall a toxic ass relationship (inspired entirely by the whole trilogy album by the weeknd)

Thinking back to middle school and how different you looked now it was like putting 2 different people side by side. And even worse, you'd probably bully middle school you. In 7th grade before your life went to shit and you and JJ decided you were gonna explore the power of hormones, you were the complete opposite of what you are right now. With time you changed so much, that now almost in your senior year of high-school, your hair is straight almost all the time and you decided to ditch your glasses for contacts. Plus having a boyfriend like Riley and all the bullshit with JJ changed you a lot. Not that you'd admit that to yourself. Riley was the type of kook who liked to show off his girlfriends. He didn't wanna be caught with a nerdy looking, fluffy hair sporting tomboy dangling off his arm at parties and events. So you were forced into a glow up, and to ditch any relevant hobby you had. Surfing? fishing? skating? none of those were allowed in Riley's world.

Maybe that was the main reason you despised said boy. He was just like your parents, entitled and condescending. He liked to mansplain things to you that he didn't need to, and he only took you to parties to show you off. At times you wondered if that was all it was gonna be of your life, if you were gonna be forced to marry Riley down the line and live on the island while you drank half a bottle of wine every night before sleeping.

So here you were, straightening your hair in the mirror after doing your makeup and getting dressed for some house party that your boyfriend was taking you to. He came back from his vacation the next day after you hooked up and argued with JJ, resulting in him to leave, which was inconvenient because you weren't feeling exactly up to interacting with Riley after your fight with JJ. A part of you knew he'd call you drunk again and you'd let him back in your bed, or you'd show up to his place after getting plastered. That's just how it was. Or even better you'd end up leaving with him tonight from the house party. That didn't sound better, in fact it seemed like the worst outcome for the night. But hey, your whole life is one big series of bad outcomes.

JJ walked through the loud, crowded party, already a couple of beers in and on his way to getting shitfaced. He still hadn’t quite gotten over his argument with you, but there was a part of him that just wanted to forget the whole thing, and that’s where the alcohol came in. His eyes ran over the people at the party, some couples and some groups of friends, the sight of it bringing an unpleasantly familiar feeling back to the pit of his stomach. JJ liked kook parties because if he didn't got in trouble no one actually paid attention. Sometimes he managed to snort some lines if he charmed a kook girl on top of hooking up with her.

His eyes kept roaming around the party, seeing couples and friend groups of all sorts while taking another long drink. He was starting to wonder if he was gonna be stuck there the whole night, alone, when he finally saw something that caught his attention. He couldn’t help but do a double-take when he saw that it was you, right there at the party, with your boyfriend. And suddenly he was pissed all over again.

He felt the familiar pang of jealousy in his stomach, seeing you there with your boyfriend, like everything was perfect between the two of you. The two of you were the perfect couple, and that stung more than he would ever admit to himself. He found himself looking you over, noting the differences from the last time he saw you, the way you looked all dolled up for your boyfriend, and before he knew it he was headed over to you.

He wasn’t thinking right now, he couldn’t think straight even if he wanted to, which of course he didn’t. Seeing you like this brought out the worst, most jealous parts of him, and he didn’t bother to stop himself as he made a straight beeline over to you. He felt an intense mix of anger, jealousy, bitterness, and a touch of something else that he didn’t want to think about when he approached you.

He didn’t even bother with a greeting, walking straight up to you and grabbing your arm as he pulled you away from your friends, away from your boyfriend, away from anyone else who was there. He was seeing red right now, anger completely consuming him as he lead you to some secluded-looking corner out of sight.

You were a bit taken aback by the roughness of his hold and by the fact that he didn't greet you before doing so. You were surprised a little as he dragged you away from the living room, towards one of the more darker hallways, the music from the party still loud, but not too loud to assault your eardrums.

He couldn’t even remember the last time he had been this angry, and it was almost overwhelming as he let go of your arm once the two of you were out of sight. He stood there in front of you, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists as he tried to calm himself down. When he spoke, his voice was low and cold, the words coming out slowly through gritted teeth. “What the hell are you doing here?”

"It's a party..." you mumbled, your brows furrowed in a confused expression as you leaned against the wall.

He raised an eyebrow, his eyes wandering over you again, taking in your outfit, everything you had done to yourself to dress up just so you could look good for your boyfriend. It sent a wave of anger through him, and the alcohol in his system made it harder for him to control his temper.

"Yes, i’m aware of that. What i’m asking is why the hell are you here?”

"I'm sorry? Am i not allowed to go to parties anymore?" you grimaced at him shaking your head at his question, "what the hell is that supposed to mean is my question?"

He let out a scoff, almost a laugh really, as he took a step closer to you, his eyes almost glowing. The sight of you all dolled up for Riley pissed him off more than he wanted to admit to himself. Anger and frustration simmered just below the surface, and he just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

"You know exactly what the hell it’s supposed to mean. You’re here with your goddamn boyfriend."

"And what the fuck am i supposed to do, huh? Not show my face in public in case you get pissed?" you rolled your eyes, fixing him with a glare and running your hand through your hair. You were still confused as to why he was having this talk with you, but you could tell he was drunk.

He clenched his jaw, his anger rising again as he stepped even closer to you until he was basically just inches away. The alcohol in his system made everything worse, and he could barely hold back now.

"You don’t think it pisses me off to see you here, looking all dolled up for your little boyfriend? Showing everybody what a goddamn perfect couple you two are?"

"I'm just wearing a skirt and a crop top. It's the middle of the summer JJ.. i don't do everything for validation." you scoffed tilting your head to the side. He had the nerve to comment on your outfit? and act like you were doing something wrong? When he was the one that left the last time you talked?

He was too drunk and too angry to notice how ridiculous he was being. The sight of you dolled up just sent him over the edge, the thought of Riley putting his hands on you made him sick to his stomach.

"You act like you don’t know exactly what it does. Wearing that little skirt and top, showing off your body for everybody here to see. You trying to get everybody, including Riley’s attention or just mine?”

Your expression hardened, planting your hands on his chest and shoving him back a little, "fuck you! don't be a dick just cause you're drunk, yeah?"

He stumbled back as you shoved him, almost losing his balance but he corrected himself in time to keep standing. He chuckled darkly, clearly getting more and more angry.

"Oh, I’m the dick? I’m not the one flaunting around like a slut in front of everybody."

That was the comment that did it for you. Plus the stress you were under and the whole day just crashing down onto you you slapped him clean across the face, not holding back at all as soon as the word left his mouth. Immediately regretting the gesture but too stunned to speak up and apologize for a few moments.

He froze, the sting from the slap on his cheek sending a sting through his head. He stood silently for a moment, his face now directed away from you as he slowly raised a hand to touch where you had slapped him. His eyes were wide, not from pain or shock, but rather because he couldn’t believe you had actually let go of your temper on him. It wasn’t the first time, of course, but it had been a long time.

He slowly looked back over to you, his expression completely unreadable. He knew he had pushed too far, going too far with his drunk and bitter ramblings, but he was too damn proud to admit it to himself, let alone to you, and pride was all he had right now.

So instead of backing down and apologizing for his actions, he clenched his jaw and stepped toward you again, closing the distance between the 2 of you.

You felt bad but once he started towards you, you raised one finger pointing it to him, "Don't you dare get close to me. Don't touch me or speak to me ever again, yeah?" you warned him lowly, anger burning in your eyes as you looked straight into his blue ones in the dim lighting of the hallway you were in.

He laughed again, a bitter scoff as he grabbed your wrist tightly and pinned it against the wall beside your head, forcing you to be face to face with him.

"Or what, huh? You’re gonna slap me again? You gonna scream and shout until someone comes to save you? You gonna go running to your goddamn boyfriend for help?”

"No, i slapped you because you crossed a line. And that's something that i thought couldn't happen when it came to us.." you scoffed as well, your expression incredulous and truly pissed now.

His expression hardened, his jaw clenching as his eyes narrowed at you. He was still way too drunk to just drop the argument, a part of him was also just completely unable to stop himself from lashing out now.

"Oh, please, don’t start with that bullshit. You’re the one who started seeing Riley in the first place, without so much as giving me a heads-up."

"We were still best friends when i started seeing Riley! All of this bullshit between us started after i got a boyfriend. Think about that a second yeah?" you stepped closer, not backing away either, a hint of bitterness in your voice thinking about how simple it was when you were just friends, "..and stay away from while you're at it."

He clenched his jaw as you continued, his anger growing hotter and hotter. The bitter comments were only doing more to rile him up, and he couldn’t seem to just shut his mouth. All of a sudden a smirk pulled at the corners of his lips.

"And why should I? Hm? You’re the one who’s still letting me come over at night."

"Yeah well maybe you switch to sleeping over at Kiara's from now on.. " you sneered up at him, remembering how harshly he spoke to you 5 days ago, "since she seems to be less of a slut than me.." you added sarcastically.

His jaw clenched tightly at your comment, both in anger and a stab of hurt. He stepped closer until he was just inches from your face, his eyes locked on yours. He wanted to look away, to break eye contact, but he couldn’t. Despite it all, he was still so damn captivated by you.

He was quiet for a few moments, his mind racing for something to say, something to prove he wasn’t bothered by your bitter remark. But his alcohol-muddled brain kept coming up blank, leaving him with nothing but his own anger and hurt. Until finally, it suddenly came to him like a lightbulb.

"You’re only upset because you’re jealous."

"Maybe! you're allowed to call me names out of jealousy, but i can't?" you scoffed incredulously, "take the double standard and shove it up your fucking ass. I'm tired of you putting the blame on me and me only when you feel like it, and then threaten to date Kiara.. knowing just how much i dislike her now. I'm fucking exhausted."

"And why exactly do you dislike her now? Hm?"

He stepped closer again, not breaking eye contact. Your words were starting to get to him, they were pissing him off even more than before. But he also couldn’t help how the thought of you actually being jealous was making his heart flutter a bit in spite of his anger.

"Cause she's a slut. And she ruined the whole friend group by doing what she does best, lead people on. I miss my best friends.... and there's no way i can go back to hanging out with everyone knowing Kiara fucked Pope, led him on, kissed John B and is now after JJ. I just can't. I have every reason to be bitter and jealous." you rambled angrily, your face contorting into a sad and angry scowl as you spoke.

He clenched his jaw, feeling like he’d just been slapped again. The words stung, especially because he knew you weren’t wrong. Kiara had destroyed a lot of friendships after she showed up and tried to make everyone hate each other. But still, he felt the need to defend his friend, even while he knew you weren’t entirely wrong. "Don’t be harsh on her. You don’t know what her side of the story is.."

Your expression contorted into an unknown one. He was defending her again. And of course the fact that called you a slut earlier didn't help either. You were suddenly back to middle school, when Kiara was obviously aware that the 3 pogues had crushes on her, including JJ who you had liked since forever. It was always like that, she was always spared of any anger or blame while you were stuck being bitter and almost never having any sort of luck. Kiara was always gonna win and you were gonna be left with an unhappy marriage and no friends after college.

You frowned, falling completely silent and studying him. The sounds of the party music and chatter was all that could be heard for almost an entire minute while you debated what to say. Even while hooking up with you for months he still wasn't over his stupid crush on her and he was now hurting you at the expanse of it.

He could tell exactly what was going through your head, and he suddenly started to regret his decision to defend Kiara. You were right, he should be sticking with you and taking your side. You were still always there for him, always cared about him, and he did nothing but return your affections with biting comments and indifference.

He was getting tired of seeing that sad, bitter look on your face, and the guilt in his stomach only grew when you said nothing. Part of him wondered if he had gone too far this time.

You turned, your frown deepening as you started to make your way down the dim hallway with the intention to get back to the party. You weren't gonna take any of this anymore. The guilt, bitterness and anger were weighing down on you and it was heavy. He had no right to lash out on you like this, not when he started this to try and get over Kiara while you did it because you genuinely loved him. The whole boyfriend situation was complicated and you knew he wouldn't understand. Probably blame you for it. So the best thing was to just.. walk away.

His eyes widened as you moved past him down the hallway, realization dawning on him that you were trying to leave. He let you pass him for a moment before he quickly jumped up and chased after you, grabbing your wrist to stop you. "Wait, sweetheart, stop- don't walk away-"

He tightened his grip on you, not letting you get any further, not until he could explain himself and make things right. He hated the idea of you possibly walking back out into that party, knowing that you weren't even gonna be able to enjoy yourself anymore, and all because of him. He knew he was responsible, and he knew that he had hurt you, but he didn't want you to leave right now. "Just- stay for a minute, will you? I just wanna talk."

The petname caught you off guard, and you stopped walking, although you didn’t turn to look at him. The nickname he sometimes used made you feel a rush of different emotions, and you didn’t know what to do. You almost felt pathetic about how the single word caused your heart to quicken like this, even though you didn’t have the right to feel that way.

He noticed your response to the nickname, and he squeezed your wrist gently, almost as if to encourage you to turn around and face him. He knew that one stupid word was one of your weaknesses, and he silently cursed himself for letting it slip when he still needed you to listen to whatever bullshit apology he was about to give you.

"Please, look at me, sweetheart..”

You turned around hesitantly, raising your brows as soon as you locked eyes with him, silently urging him to say whatever he had to say before you actually walked away.

He swallowed thickly, letting go of your wrist and looking into your eyes as he tried to find the right words.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about Kiara.. or the bit about your boyfriend. I’ve been drinking and I just-“

He swallowed again, his heart constricting with guilt at the memory of the bitter expression on your face. “I just don’t want you to leave, not like this.”

You looked to the side, still silent as you listened to his words. You probably had been in this situation countless times, with him lashing out and then apologizing. And yet you could never walk away. Not fully anyway. Your gaze flicked to the side for a bit, mulling over your options and trying to decide what to do, your mind coming blank.

He watched intently as you said nothing, staying silent for what felt like ages as you tried to come to some conclusion. He watched your eyes dart away, and the feeling of anxiety grew in his stomach, wondering what you would do.

“Please say something, anything. You can hit me again, yell at me, anything you’re thinking of doing right now I’ll let you. I’ll do anything, just don’t leave, please.”

Your eyes snapped back to his face as soon as he spoke, a grimace tugging at your features, "I'm not-.. I'm not gonna hit you again, jesus christ JJ.."

JJ’s expression softened, a pang of guilt shooting through him again as he saw the look on your face. He knew you didn’t like hurting him like that. He took a step closer, trying to get eye-level with you as he spoke again.

“Please, just don’t leave me right now. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for all the shitty things I said, I just.. I don’t want you to leave, okay? I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

He didn’t know how to explain why he suddenly, desperately didn’t want you to leave. Maybe it was alcohol talking, or maybe he was just tired of being in a constant emotional tug-of-war with you. He didn’t realize it but he subconsciously put a hand on your waist, lightly holding you closer as if silently pleading with you to stay. He desperately needed you to not leave right now, to not leave him alone in the silence of the night, with nothing but his thoughts and the memories of your body.

"..You know we can't stay here all night right?" you spoke after a few moments of silence, your tone a bit hesitant and more broken than earlier.

His heart skipped a beat as you finally spoke, and before he could stop himself, he pulled you closer. The sudden need to hold you, to know that you wouldn’t leave the second he let go was now overwhelming.

“No, I get that. But for right now, just.. stay.” He tried not to sound desperate, but his voice still came out pleading and slightly strained.

You looked around the hallway you were in, it was a more secluded part of the house but there still could be people walking around. Not to mention that Riley could be looking for you by now. The music from the party was still a background sound as you stood there silently, grabbing his hand almost hesitantly and dragging him into one of the rooms, shutting the door softly. It was better to be in here than out there anyway.

He followed you inside the small room, being as quiet as was possible for a drunk, stumbling mess. The door shut, and they were alone. There was a small bed in the corner, a wardrobe, a few boxes stacked against the wall, but the details of the room weren’t all that important. What mattered was that you had pulled him into this room and weren’t leaving.

He closed the distance between the two of you until you were up against the wall, his body almost pressing against yours.

He studied your face, taking in the fact that you were still here, you were still with him, you were not pushing him away but letting him keep you close. Something in him settled almost instantly, his eyes scanning every contour of your face as he took a moment to simply look at you.

He was definitely drunk, he could feel himself swaying slightly, the booze messing with his balance. He took another step closer, pressing against you now, one arm on the wall next to your head and the other on your hip, holding onto you tightly still.

Despite being at the party still, the house well crowded in the main part where the kitchen and living room were, this side of the house where you and JJ were seemed almost abandoned. The room was dark and almost entirely silent, save for distant thump of the obnoxious party music muffled even more by the door you were leaning against. You could feel he was drunk, could smell on his breath along with the weed he probably smoked. But you were buzzed too, your guard lower than usual. At least when it came to JJ. You knew what was about to happen, and a part of was hoping it wouldn't. But it wasn't like you were gonna push him away.

The silence was deafening, but for a change neither of you tried to fill it with the usual bickering or insults. Instead, JJ’s mind was focused on more of the physical aspect of you, his eyes drifting to your lips and then back to your eyes. Even through the slight drunken haze, his mind still recognized how close the two of you were. He subconsciously licked his lips as he stared at yours, before meeting your eyes again, his own filled with some kind of desire that made it even harder for his brain to focus on anything else.

When he licked his lips your eyes darted down almost instantly. It had been almost 6 days of not interacting with JJ, and you were starved in a way. To put it lightly, of course. It didn't help that Riley wasn't the best guy out there at well... having sex. So you were starved in way. Although you'd never admit to JJ out of people that he was better at making you finish or, turning you on for that matter. It will go to his head. "I.. i just can't- i need to kiss you." you muttered without realizing cupping his face and bringing your lips to his without finishing the small statement fully.

His lips instinctively responded the moment you kissed him, years of practice in these quick, messy makeouts coming back to him as he kissed you. Despite all the alcohol and weed and whatever else he had been drinking, your lips against his felt like a shock to his system, and suddenly all the pent up frustration and desire from the past few days came bubbling to the surface. His hand slipped from your hip to your thighs, grabbing it and practically pulling you up against him.

The kiss was messy and desperate, full of a kind of need that both of you hadn’t been even been realizing you were ignoring. JJ’s hands slowly began to wander up your body as his tongue pushed past your lips, moving against your own like before. Except this time, he felt more urgent, his hands gripping and pulling at you, as if he was desperate to just be as close as possible.

As you kissed back with the same messy fervor you could feel him pulling you closer and slamming you against the door or the wall every once in a while, your hands tugging at his hair. You took the time to bite on his lower lip, rather harshly now that you thought about it. But in the moment you didn't care, you kept on returning the kiss, small sounds escaping your lips and being muffled into his.

He grunted as you bit his lip, his mind too distracted by your actions to care very much. JJ’s hands pushed up your shirt, running over your skin like he was starved for it, as if he needed to touch every inch of you to remind himself you were right here, right in front of him, after so many days. One of his hands found its way back to your thighs, his grip so hard it would probably leave a bruise on your skin, pulling you even closer against him.

He broke away for a moment, his lips moving to your neck, trailing over your skin in a way that almost seemed worshipful. He moved down, nipping and sucking at your pulse point, just like he knew you loved. It was like his brain had forgotten all the bullshit that had led both of you to this moment, all the stupid things he’d said, and all the things you both were ignoring just to get a few moments of this.

"Hope it hurt.." you mumbled as he kissed down your jaw and across your throat, referring to the small bite on his lip just a few seconds ago. Despite the words you were still clinging to him, your hands carding through his hair and tugging at it gently.

“God, shut up.” He mumbled against your skin, his voice almost as quiet as yours. The way your hands were pulling at his hair nearly made him shiver, and if he wasn’t half-drunk and half-stoned he probably would’ve been embarrassed by it. A part of him hated how easily you had so much control over him, especially right now when he was supposed to be angry at you. But of course, you knew just how to push his buttons and drive him insane.

"Revenge for calling me a slut.." you spoke quietly once again, still tugging him closer, smirking to yourself.

He paused as you spoke, his teeth gently nipping at the skin on your collarbone. He let out a breath, his hands holding you tightly in place as he fought against the way your words affected him, the way they pulled at something in his chest. He huffed as he spoke, his breath hot and ragged against your skin.

“..it’s not my fault you practically act like one.”

"You're such a dick.." you huffed, a mixture of annoyance and desire. You brought your hands to his face again, raising it a bit to kiss him roughly once again.

“And you’re a pain in my ass-“ He huffed in response, his words interrupted by your rough kiss. Any other moment his ego would’ve taken pride in the way you were pulling and grasping at him, but he was too distracted by the feel of your lips against his.

”And a brat..”

"Asshole.." you insulted him after pulling back a little and then kissing him again after taking a small breath.

He grunted in response, his hands grabbing your hips and slamming you between him and the wall. His body was pressed against yours entirely, and he was practically trapping you in place. It was like he was trying to pin you with just his body, both in annoyance and desperate need. He broke away from the kiss to breathe, his chest against yours as he spoke, his words low and almost breathless.

“..and a menace-“

"Jerk.." you cut him off again, your hands still holding onto his jaw to bring him back into the kiss after mumbling the words.

“God, you’re insufferable..” He grumbled, but his actions showed he didn’t mean it. He was practically gripping you to his chest in an almost possessive manner, but he couldn’t even find it in himself to care anymore. All he cared about in that moment was the feel of your lips on his, the taste of your tongue on his mouth, the way you were clinging to him as much as he was holding on to you.

"And you're annoying.." you whispered back, your words a breathless whisper between kisses.

He made a soft, annoyed noise in the back of his throat in response, his hands grabbing your hips and picking you up so he was holding you against the wall by the door. He pressed himself against you, pinning you in place with his body, before his mouth moved down from your lips to your neck. He started to place lazy, messy kisses against your skin as he spoke once again.

“Yeah? Well, you’re obnoxious..”

"..You're a dickhead.." you tugged on his hair to emphasize the words, your arms wrapping around his neck lazily for support.

He grumbled against your neck, the feeling of you tugging his hair causing him to let out an almost guttural sound from the back of his throat. He nipped at your skin in retaliation, his hands squeezing your thighs as he spoke against your neck.

“..And you’re a brat..”

"Already called me that. Scumbag.." you scoffed breathlessly, his rings digging into the soft flesh of your thighs as he held you up against the door.

“I’ll call you it as many times as I want..” He responded in a similar manner, his hands sliding under your ass as he practically slammed you against the wall. He was practically pinning you in place with his body, your legs hooked around his waist as he nipped and sucked at your neck, leaving a trail of dark hickeys on your skin.

"Keep it original. Idiot.." you mumbled, the sound mixed with a soft grunt as he slammed you against the wall a little.

“Idiot,” he mumbled in a mocking tone, his hands gripping your thighs even tighter as he continued marking your neck with red and purple marks. He kept you pinned to the wall, his body practically pressed against every inch of you as he spoke again, his words half-whispered against your skin.

“..you got a big mouth, you know that?”

"And you're an insufferable asshole.." you grumbled as he mocked you, brows furrowing before you brought him for another rough and messy kiss.

He let out a slight scoff at that, but it was quickly stifled by your kiss as he returned it just as roughly, his tongue invading your mouth and practically tasting every inch of it. He nipped and practically sucked on your lower lip as he bit back a whimper.

After a few more heated moments, he broke the kiss once again, his head falling to rest against your shoulder as he tried to gather himself. He was panting against you, the sound of his breathing hot and ragged against your ear as he spoke.

“..God, you’re a pain in my ass..”

"You already said that one too... jerk.." you bit back, your breath ragged at little as you dug your nails into his scalp gently.

He made a slight scoff, the sound coming out as a soft grunt as you dug your nails into his scalp. He shivered slightly, a soft moan getting caught in his throat as he spoke, almost unable to sound like his usual cocky self as he tried to fight the effect you had on him.

“..Yeah, well I can say it as many times as I want.”

"No you can't.." you argued back almost instantly through the haze of annoyance and arousal.

“Yes I can..” He replied almost instantly in a similar manner, his voice coming out half-stuttered and half-groggy. One of his hands moved up to grab your chin, his fingers tilting your face to the side so he could attack your neck once again.

”..Cause you’re a brat, darlin’..”

"And you're a dickhead, asshole, dumbass.." you scoffed in the same breathless tone, relishing in the way his north Carolinian accent was slipping through more as he got more turned on.

At being called a dickhead, he bit down roughly on the soft skin of your neck, wanting to give a taste of his own medicine for a change. He smirked against your skin at the sound of your gasp, his grip on your chin becoming rougher as he spoke.

“You’re not any better, darlin’. I’m not the one with the boyfriend out there..”

"Shut the fuck up.." you mumbled lowly, bringing him for yet another rough kiss, biting down on his lip once again while kissing him.

He grunted slightly when you bit his lip, bringing his other hand up to grab your hip and pull you towards him once again. The kiss was hot and intense, the taste of his blood on your tongue and the feeling of your body against his was starting to leave him dizzy.

He let out a low moan, the sound coming out slightly whinier than he would’ve liked as his fingers dug into the soft skin of your hip.

He pulled away after a few seconds, the heat between the two of you starting to become almost unbearable. As he broke the kiss, he spoke, his voice low and ragged, just barely above a whisper.

“..Fuck, I hate you so much..”

"I hate you more.." you responded instantly, your brows furrowing a little as you locked eyes with his, dropping your gaze to his bottom lip which was now bleeding a little, a pleased glint in your eyes.

He huffed out a small, breathless laugh as you looked at his lip, his mind and body both being assaulted with the feeling of your body pressed up against his and the look in your eyes when you looked at his lip.

"Yeah, right. I hate you the mos-.." He started to reply, only to cut himself off with a slight hiss as you brought your tongue to the bite mark and licked it.

You cupped his face and brought him closer a little, to lick the blood from his split lip slowly, smirking as you managed to cut his sentence off.

He practically shivered in your grip as your tongue traced along his lip. His grip on your hip and chin tightened as he leaned into your touch, his eyes now squeezed shut as he let out another stifled noise.

“..F-fuck..”

You tugged on his lip a little after licking the blood off, your eyes roaming over his face after pulling back just a little.

He let out a soft keen, the sound coming out against his will, just as you tugged on his lip. It was embarrassing how much power you had over him at this point, his breath becoming ragged as you looked over his face.

"Y-you're a.. sadistic piece of work..." He breathed out, slowly opening his eyes and looking up at you.

"And you're a massive masochist.." you chuckled, your hands still cupping his face, eyes fixed on his slit lip in the dim light.

He huffed again, the sound coming out almost like a scoff as he tried to regain a part of his usual cockiness. But the tone of it was undermined by the slight stutter through his labored breath as he spoke.

"Says the one who loves tasting my blood.."

"That's cause I'm a vampire.." you grinned slowly, your words teasing as you felt him press you against the door even more, your legs wrapping around his waist even tighter.

He rolled his eyes at your comment, scoffing again. His arms wrapped around your legs, holding you up as he slowly, almost mindlessly, began to rock against you.

"Mm-hmm, and I'm the pope.." He retorted sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at you as he leaned down and lightly nipped your ear.

He could feel your breath getting more and more labored as he continued to slowly grind against you, the movement becoming almost automatic at this point. He leaned down to press his face against your neck, trailing open mouthed kisses against the sensitive skin.

"Are you gonna get rid of me with a cross and some holy water?" you asked quietly, half focused on the distant party sounds, the other half growing more aroused from his actions and kisses.

He chuckled darkly against the skin of your neck, his tongue darting out to taste the skin in a quick tease before replying. His hips rolled against you, slowly increasing the speed at which he was pressing you against the door. "No, I was thinking something more like fire and brimstone to get rid of an evil little thing like you..."

"Didn't know you knew how to speak so romantically.." you mumbled sarcastically, his words amusing you even in midst of arousal and lust.

He tsked at your comment, nipping at your neck again in soft retaliation before he muttered lowly against your skin. "Romantic, I'm not. Sarcastic and bitter and generally too stupid to know left from right? Sure. But romantic?" He spoke the word sardonically, his mouth moving back to your ear with another bite.

"Yeah.. that's more like it. That sounds like the JJ i know and detest.." you preened, grinning as he continued to kiss lazily across your neck, toying with the hair on the back of his neck.

He grumbled out something like a 'shut up' against your skin, leaning his weight against you as he slowly lost focus on the conversation. His hands slid downwards, gripping your thighs as he continued to move against you, the friction from his clothes against yours only making him feel impatient, needing to feel more than just a barrier between the two of you.

He huffed, his breath coming out in pants against your skin, moving back from your neck to look down at you, his hands still gripping your thighs.

"Why.. why do you have to be wearing so many damn clothes right now..?"

"Cause i probably need to remind you that we're still at a party.. with tens of people roaming around in the main part of this house.." you replied, chuckling breathlessly.

He rolled his eyes again, leaning his head forward to rest against your shoulder with a frustrated sigh. His hands gripped your thighs a bit tighter at your words, as if the reminder that they were at a party only served to heighten his impatience even more.

"Damnit... why are you always so infuriatingly logical.."

"Cause you're just a tad bit dumber than i expect every time.." you chuckled, still carding you finger through his hair lazily, head tilted back to rest against the door.

He grunted at your comment, not even bothering to deny it as he leaned his head back down closer to your neck, his teeth immediately lightly sinking into your skin again. It was his attempt at a little retaliation for calling him dumb, his mouth moving along the area in a lazy, almost mindless motion. "Shut it, smartass..."

He groaned as he continued, feeling the familiar aching between his legs as he continued to move against you, your words and the feel of your legs around his waist driving him insane in that moment. The fact that they were still at a party only served to spike his need even more, knowing that he would have to be as quiet as possible, especially once he got to the part he had been thinking of all night. He let out another quiet, almost frustrated-sounding grumble against you neck.

If you weren't 2 or so drinks in already, you would've been embarrassed by how easily you got turned on by just kissing JJ and having him press you up against the door like that. But you weren't, your hands clutching at his hair almost desperately as you relished under the feeling of his hips grinding against you and his lips on your neck. Small breathless moans were escaping past your lips, head tilted back against the door, your breathing ragged.

He smiled against your skin, the sound of your moans like music to his ears. They were quiet and a bit stifled, but he could still hear the breathy sound, and it was fueling his own need to hear more of them. His hips bucked against you more, the feeling of your hands in his hair just making him want more of you, more of your sounds, and to touch you more, to feel you against him without any barrier.

He pulled away again to look at you, his eyes looking almost feral as his breathing slowly became a bit more ragged and heavy, his face slightly flushed. There was a slight frown on his face as he looked at you, taking in the sight of your flushed cheeks, slightly swollen lips, and messy hair.

He leaned in, his mouth pressed against your ear as he spoke, his tone low and almost possessive in the way it came out of his mouth, "God, you look like sin right now.."

You could feel everything with the way his body was pressing you up into the door with your legs wrapped around his waist. His hands resting under the denim skirt you were wearing, pushing it up a little bit more with every movement of his hips, fingertips skimming over the waistband of your lacy underwear. You let out a small, breathless laugh at his words, still moving your fingers through his hair almost desperately. You wouldn't admit it out loud, but you were waiting for this. Waiting till you both got drunk and alone so you could get to feel his hair between your fingers and hear him speak into your ear with that voice full of lust. It was like it would revive you back to life.

He hummed at the sound of your small laugh, feeling how you ran your hands through his hair, the motion making him shiver a little. It was like a small spark of electricity shooting through his spine, the feeling of you just gently running your fingers through his hair almost too much for him to bear in that moment.

One of his hands snuck under your skirt, slowly skimming up and down between your legs, his hand moving along the lace of your underwear, almost teasing you.

He let out a small, almost frustrated sounding scoff as his fingers continued to skirt along the edge of the lace. Even though it was just the touch of his fingers, he could feel how your breath hitched, it was almost maddening.

"Why do you have to wear this.."

He spoke almost as if he was complaining to himself, his fingers slowly tracing over the lace a little more purposefully this time.

"My underwear?" you asked, teeth digging into your bottom lip to suppress a small moan as the feeling of his fingers skimmed over your clothed core.

He groaned a little at the sight of your teeth digging into your lip, his body and head moving in a little closer to you as his fingers continued to tease you a bit, the feeling of the lace against his skin driving him insane.

"Mhm, yeah... Why the hell are you wearing these.." He grumbled a little, his fingers slowly moving to grip the edge of the lace. He didn't pull it yet, but they were definitely a little more firm and almost possessive in the movement.

"Cause I'm wearing a relatively short skirt..? wouldn't it be crazy if i went out without underwear in a skirt?" you asked in amusement at his question and whiny tone of his voice, your fingers carding through his hair as you let your eyes flutter open to glance at him in the semi-darkness of the room you were in.

He huffed a little in response, his eyes looking up at you from where they were looking at the lace as you looked down at him. You could see the slight frown on his face, but his eyes were looking like a man possessed as he spoke, almost like he didn't even notice how desperate he sounded.

"Doesn't matter, you should be wearing something else... These are driving me insane.." He grumbled, his fingers gently gripping the lace again.

He was getting more and more frustrated just talking about it, just feeling the lace under his fingers enough to drive him up the wall. You were practically squirming under his touch, and he loved it, but he wasn't fully satisfied, and neither were you. The thought of it only made him more agitated and on edge.

With a small scoff, he finally pulled the edge of the lace to the side, his fingers touching you directly for a split second before pulling away again.

At his bold move of pulling the lace to the side, one of your hands reached between the 2 of you a bit clumsily, your fingers skimming past the button of his cargo shorts, the other arm wrapped around his neck securely in a practiced and familiar way from months of hooking up at parties like these in secret.

He was so occupied paying attention to his own movements and your reactions that he barely noticed your fingers slipping down to his shorts, catching up in the moment and not paying much attention to anything outside it. As soon as he felt your hand on his button, he froze like a deer in headlights and looked down at you in surprise. His wide eyes almost seemed to grow a tiny bit darker.

“What the hell are you doing..? ”

"Well what the hell are you doing?" you raised one brow, referring to the fact that he just moved your underwear to the side a few seconds ago, your fingers skimming past the small button of his shorts before snapping it open. You knew it'd be easy to just.. given the position you were in, with your legs wrapped around him and him pressing you up into the door.

“That’s different..”

His response was almost immediate, a frown pulling at his lips as he tried to defend his boldness. Though, he couldn’t hold it for very long, not when he was so distracted by the feel of your legs wrapped around him and your fingers slowly slipping past the open front of his shorts.

He tried to keep his facial expressions neutral, but he couldn’t help the way his breath hitched in his throat when your fingers brushed against him.

His breath was coming out a little quicker now, his mind reeling from the heat of the moment. But he was still determined to maintain the smallest bit of control he could over himself and the situation. JJ tried his best to seem unbothered as he looked down at you, studying your expression for any sign of what you were thinking.

“You’re gonna get us caught, y’know.. we’re at a party. Anyone could walk in.. “

He pointed out, voice sounding strained as his eyes flickered from the door back to your still wandering hands.

"We have to be quick.." you spoke, a small tipsy smile pulling at your lips as you let your hand slip past his boxers slowly, wrapping around him gently.

He shuddered as he felt you wrap your hand around him, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment as a low moan slipped out before he could stop it. His head fell forward, resting on your shoulder as he tried to get himself to calm down and focus.

It was hard to think straight when you were touching him, let alone try to get himself to put a stop to it. He took a shuddering breath, his voice raspy as he spoke against your neck.

“F-fuck.. we’ll have to be..”

The heat in his face and in his stomach, the way all his thoughts were slowly unraveling from the feel of your hand, the feeling of your body against him.. he was definitely in no state to be making smart or rational decisions. He could feel the familiar fire of need and desire building up in him, and it was driving him nearly insane. It would be a miracle if they were able to be quiet enough to not get caught.

He tried to focus and gather any bit of mental strength he had left to keep himself together, but the more you moved your hand, the more JJ lost control. His breath was coming out quick now, every breath ending in a small moan as his eyes fluttered shut.

He tried to think of something to keep the control from going completely to you, but there were no coherent sentences that weren’t filthy and just downright needy coming to mind as he let out a low whine.

His hand moved on instinct and in sync with yours as they moved your underwear to the side further to make room for himself as your hand slipped him past the confines of his boxers. You couldn't see much of what you were doing but you both could feel it, watching his face intently in the semi darkness of the room you were both hiding away in from the party.

He knew he probably looked like a wreck, his head falling onto your shoulder as he tried to keep himself together somewhat. The way he was panting against your neck as he gripped your hip, his mind was blank and all he knew was the feeling you were giving him, the feel of you against him. It was hard to find the willpower to speak, it was all he could do not to moan out loud. In the back of his mind, he was still wary about being caught and getting them both in trouble.

He tried to think of something, anything to say, but all that came out was the small, low noises that he couldn’t keep down any longer. His hands gripped your skin tighter, his body felt like it was on fire as he pressed his face into the crook of your neck, his eyes shutting tighter as his breaths came out in small little pants, the words slipping past his lips before he could even hold them back.

“F-Fuck, please-“

He couldn’t even hold back his noises anymore, the small moans and groans coming straight out as he tried to muffle them against your skin, his nose buried in your neck. He knew you were both supposed to be keeping quiet, afraid of being discovered, but he couldn’t care less right now, all he cared about was the feeling of you and the way you were taking care of him.

You wanted to prolong the teasing but as you felt him brush softly against your core, just barely, you knew you were both desperate for it. With a swift movement you let him slip inside, a small raw sounding moan escaping your lips, head tilting back against the door you were pressed up against by his body.

He couldn’t stop himself from letting out a guttural moan as he felt himself slide inside you, his eyes still squeezed shut as he tried to keep himself together. He was gripping your hip tightly, like a lifeline, as he started letting out small, shaky breaths against your skin, his mind in too much of a daze to form any coherent thoughts. The feeling of you around him was almost overwhelming, and he buried his face in your neck again, trying to stay somewhat coherent and sane.

He wanted to go slow, to take his time because he knew you both didn’t have much time usually, but it was getting harder and harder for his mind to keep up. His hips jerked a little, making him let out another low moan as he let go of your hip to slide his hand under your shirt, his fingers tracing along your skin with a sort of need, like it was the only thing that could ground him. Being inside you right now was almost driving him to the edge quicker than usual, and he knew he needed to regain control not to finish too quickly.

"God JJ that feels so good..." you mumbled almost incoherently, both of your arms wrapped around his neck loosely, fingers playing the hair at the back of his neck, your head already spinning from the feeling of him in that particular position.

He let out a shaky moan at your words, the feeling of your hands playing with his hair almost sending shivers down his spine. Your voice sounded so perfect at this moment, and he desperately wanted to hear you say those kinds of things to him more often. The way you were saying his name sounded so good, and he tried to muffle another loud moan against your skin, his hips subconsciously canting up against you again.

He was gripping you tighter by this point, the hand under your shirt almost digging into the skin of your ribcage as he tried to push his body closer to yours, feeling like he could never get close enough. The feeling of you around him was almost overwhelming, but he was doing his best to keep his hips from going any faster, even if they were starting to pick up their pace just a tad bit, encouraged by the way your moans sounded and the way your thighs would jerk around his waist.

You could feel his pace pick up and you weren't complaining. Your moans were starting to come out more strained and choked with every thrust, his movements rocking you against the door. Your nails were scraping against his scalp in an effort to keep your self grounded but it was futile as he drilled into you almost mindlessly, your lips parting slightly in pleasure.

He wanted to say something, wanted to tell you how good you felt, how much he liked having you like this, in any way possible, but he couldn’t get any words out that weren’t moans, groans, or your name. It felt like the only thing he could say was your name as he buried his face in your neck again, the sound of the door knocking against the doorframe and your moans being the only thing in his hearing other than his own racing heartbeat. It was all too much, too much feeling, too much noise, too much of everything, and yet he wanted more, to feel more of you.

He was holding you tighter, as if he was afraid of letting go and losing you, losing the feeling of you against him, around him, as if his life depended on it. He found himself thinking back to that night when he’d snuck into your room in the middle of the night because of a storm and snuggled against you. Now he found himself in a similar position, yet everything was still so different. It had been much more… innocent then, he was a scared kid, now there was little innocence in what he was doing with you.

You always liked the way JJ would say your name. Whether it was to tease you when you were younger or when he was inside you and he was too overwhelmed to say anything than it. You could feel his hands digging into your thighs, the cold metal of his rings a stark contrast to your warm flesh, your eyes fluttering open to gaze at him but it was hard to see his face when it was buried in the crook of your neck. Your hands moved messily through his blond hair, his hands hoisting you up a little bit more so he could slip deeper and it felt 100 times better, your moans mixing with whimpers now, "tha's good.. fuck..." you trailed off almost whining out.

He liked the way you sounded just as much, the way your voice, which was usually deadpan and sarcastic, was breathless and shaky instead. He felt you pull on his hair again, and it made him moan against your neck in response. He loved the way you felt around him, so tight and warm and he was almost dizzy, his head spinning from everything he was feeling, the sounds of your voice and the door knocking against the doorframe, and the heat building up in him. The only thing keeping him grounded was you and how close you were to him, and he felt like he couldn’t keep this pace for too long.

His mind was moving at a million miles an hour, too fast for his brain to keep up with. But it was enough for him to get the words out, through breaths and moans, his lips against your neck and shoulder, leaving a mark that would probably be gone by tomorrow.

“I need to slow down, I’m gonna-” He almost choked on his words, feeling his stomach tightening and his muscles going tense.

"Hmm..?" you hummed in response, your mind too focused on everything to form a coherent reply, your mouth watering slightly and your head tilted back against the door in pleasure.

He groaned again, this time sounding almost like a whine as he tried to hold himself back, keep from going over the edge just yet. He felt you move, your legs tightening around him as your nails dragged across his skin again, and he tried to get the words out, though they came out more as a desperate, pleading whine.

“God.. darlin’, I’m gonna..”

He was practically panting as he tried to get his brain and body to focus on something other than the feeling of you around him, of your hands on his skin and your legs wrapped around him. But the sound of your voice, breathless as it was, was only making it more difficult to keep himself together.

“You have- f-fuuu-…. you gotta let me pull out..” He forced himself to say, feeling like he was about to lose it, his chest heaving and his whole body shaking as it was suddenly taking every ounce of his self control to keep from finishing inside you.

"But i didn't cum.." you complained softly, your voice soft and pleading just like his. If you were sober, you would have told him yourself to pull out. But again, you weren't. And it felt too good and his voice made your stomach tighten, the way he was panting and moaning lowly close to your ear, his southern drawl more prominent as he got closer making your head spin more than any alcohol or substance.

He groaned again, the sound coming out as a whine this time as he tried to stay focused, tried to keep himself from going over the edge when you were saying things like that. He had to remind himself that both of you were definitely drunk, both of you too out of the right mind to have any control at the moment.

“I know, I know..” He panted, his body tensing again as his grip on your legs and hips tightened. The last thing he needed was for you to say things like that, to say things that only he’s heard you say when you’re drunk and alone with him.

He was finishing, he knew it was inevitable, but something in him was straining to keep going, to try and hold on a bit longer. He was trying to keep his eyes open to look at you, to look at your face as he brought you over the edge first, but it was almost impossible to look at you when you looked like that, like every goddamn fantasy he’s ever had.

He gave up, his eyes rolling back as he gave on final, sharp thrust, his hands gripping so forcefully at your hips that the skin would probably be bruised by the next day. He let out a strangled moan, his body tensing up as he came, thrusting inside you mindlessly to draw out the pleasure.

Luckily for him you were too out of it to tell him you were also close and so as he finished you couldn't hold it back either, your hands gripping his hair tightly as you felt the orgasm wash over you, arching your body into his chest, "fuuuck meee..." you drawled out in ecstasy, your words mixed with a long moan.

Seeing you like that, seeing your body arch into his touch, the way you were so out of it that you couldn’t even get a proper word out, and you were moaning and mewling like that - it was all too much for him, all too familiar. The alcohol and his high from this moment was making everything feel even more intense than usual, and it was making him feel even more desperate to keep this going, to keep you wrapped around him like this.

He didn’t have the words to respond or react yet, so he just leaned forward and captured your lips in his again, his tongue immediately seeking yours to get one more taste of you, to keep the high going for as long as he could. His hands moved around, desperate to feel more of you, to keep you close to him.

Your shaky hands reached up to cup his jaw clumsily, kissing him back with the same fervor letting out another moan despite having already came.

When he felt you kissing him back, he couldn’t help but moan into it again, feeling more drunk than the amount of alcohol he had consumed. He knew you both were probably going to regret this in the morning, knew that you’d probably wake up with a shitty hangover and avoid him for days after, but right now, in this moment, he couldn’t care about any of that. He couldn’t care about anything other than you and the alcohol and your body against his.

He pulled back just enough to breathe, his forehead resting against yours as he struggled to fill his lungs back up. He panted softly, his eyes still closed as he continued to focus on the feeling of your body against his, your warm skin against his own warm and sweaty skin, your hands holding onto him as you both came down from the high together.

You knew you probably took it a bit far, given you had to go back out to the party after, to your boyfriend and to pretend like you hadn't hooked up with your best friend for the countless time in a secluded room, drunk and slightly high. You found yourself thinking that you were lucky to be on the pill because it would be a big problem if you weren't. Both for JJ and for you. He still held you up against the door, your legs still wrapped around his waist, loosely now, with him still inside you. You were wondering how he was still standing up and able to hold hoisted up like that against the door.

To be fair, he was surprised he was still standing at all. In the back of his mind, he felt like he should probably drop you back onto the floor, but he was also desperate to keep you in his arms, to keep you close for as long as physically possible. He wanted more, but he knew both of you were too drunk to keep it up for any longer. So he reluctantly pulled away and gently lowered you back to the floor, his hands steadying you to make sure you didn’t slip. He stood back, taking a minute to catch his breath again.

Once he lowered you back down on the floor you took the time to glance between the two of you. His flier and shorts button were undid and his hair was messy and your skirt was bunched up and your crop top hitched up slightly. Your hair was probably the same if not more messy and you found yourself letting out a small, breathless chuckle at the sight.

The sight of you like that, with your hair messy, your clothes all out of place, and your hands still slightly shaking… He took a moment to admire you like that, his eyes slowly raking up and down your body as he began to button up his shorts again. He let out a soft scoff, the corner of his mouth lifting up in a slight smile. He ran a hand over his face before speaking, his voice rough and slightly out of breath still.

“We look like a mess.”

"We are a mess." you spoke, your eyes following his fingers as he got himself decent again, your own shaky ones reaching down to tug your skirt and crop top back into place, after adjusting your underwear. You knew you had to get to a bathroom, get yourself straight and pee probably but you were a little too shaky to do so right now.

Once he’s buttoned up and put himself back together, he turned his eyes to you, seeing that you were still a bit shaky. It was kinda cute, but he couldn’t help chuckling softly at the situation the two of you were in right now. He knew you were probably on a time limit, given your boyfriend at the party downstairs wouldn’t be too happy to know what (and who) you were doing up in this random room right now. He leaned against the door, watching you try and clean yourself up.

He couldn’t help but take in the sight of you, watching as you tried to make yourself look less… disarrayed than you currently were. His eyes slowly raked up and down your body, taking in the sight and trying to permanently etch it into his mind. The slight disheveled state of your clothes, the messy tangle of your hair, the redness in your face… it was as if he was seeing you in a whole new light. He wasn’t sure if he liked seeing you looking like this, so out of control, but he definitely wasn’t mad about it.. "Your makeup and hair are ruined..."

"Can't be bothered with it... i need to pee though.." you replied, your hands still tugging at your crop top gently to smooth it out mindlessly, your expression a grimace at the thought of going back out there.

He found himself scoffing softly, noticing how tense you looked at the mention of going back out there. He couldn’t really blame you - after all, you’re the one who had to go back to your boyfriend who you just cheated on for the millionth time. Not that he cared or anything. He definitely didn’t care. Right?

He couldn’t help but want to make a comment, to try and get a reaction out of you. He wanted to know if you even felt guilty about it, if you cared about how messed up the two of you were right now.

“You know…” He started, pausing as he shifted his stance against the door. “You probably smell like me right now… wonder if your little boyfriend is gonna notice.”

"I'll just gaslight him and tell him he's being crazy.." you grinned a bit, side glancing at him after he spoke, dropping your hands limply to the side.

He couldn’t help the scoff that passed his lips again at your response. Of course you would, that was your go-to method everytime you and him did this. Deny deny deny, gaslight, and pretend like nothing happened. That was how you got away with cheating on your boyfriend this long.

He could feel the anger from before creeping up on him again, the fact that you were seemingly not affected by what just happened was almost infuriating. He pushed away the feeling again, trying to keep his voice calm as he spoke.

“Guess you’re used to making up lies by now, huh?”

"Don't do that.." you frowned gently, fixing your gaze on his face in the dim lighting, guilt shooting up your spine like an electric shock. Not that you cheated on Riley, no. That you and JJ were stuck in this cycle and he had to endure it.

He paused, his eyes meeting yours again as they darkened slightly.

“Do what?” He asked, knowing full well what you’re talking about. He hated that you had this effect on him - he was supposed to be angry about this whole thing, not getting butterflies because of a simple expression on your face.

He ran a hand over his face again before speaking again, shifting his weight again against the door. This all felt so confusing, he wanted to be angry and hate you, but you always had this ability to soften his edges, even when he wished you didn’t.

“You know what, forget it… “ He said with a scoff and a shake his head, his eyes darting away from yours again.

"Look.. I'm sorry okay?" you spoke after a few moments of debating if you should say the words. But you were too drunk to care about it and he looked so bitter and hurt that you just wanted to apologize and hold his face in your hands and kiss the look away. But you couldn't do the latter, so you just settled on apologizing vaguely, still frowning softly at him.

“You don’t mean it, you never do.” He said through clenched teeth, the words sounding more bitter than he had anticipated. You had apologized before, he’d accepted it before and the cycle would continue. It’s not like you really had anything to apologize for anyway..

He was starting to wish he hadn’t come over here at this stupid party, he should’ve gone to Kiara’s instead.

He clenched his jaw tighter as the thought popped into his head. Just thinking about Kiara made his heart ache in a way he didn’t want to think about, especially when he was here with you.

He sat for a few more moments, not looking at you, before he spoke up again. “Can’t just apologize your way out of everything..”

Your tongue poked the inside of your cheek, your gaze willing itself down to the floor, fidgeting with your fingers. Your head felt like it was filled with lead all of a sudden, your stomach twisting and turning, probably trying to push out the alcohol in your body. Silence fell over you both, save for the distant sound of the party outside the door, the thump of the music and the incoherent conversations and laughter.

In the silence, the sounds from the party outside seemed to drown out. The music, the laughter, the voices and thumping footsteps that signaled all the people having fun without a care in the world. JJ wanted more than anything to be one of them - not a care in the world, a normal high school boy without any problems, and a nice, simple girl that he didn’t have to worry about.

He wished it was that easy, at least right now.

He looked over at you again for a moment, studying your face. He never really got a chance to truly look at you, since most of the times you guys were together it was in the cover of darkness. It was always rushed, messy, a game of pretend..

He couldn’t help his thoughts as they ran through his mind. They were more vulnerable, honest even, since he was drunk off his ass.

He wanted to reach out and touch you, to pull you to him and hold you, and pretend for a moment that everything was okay.

But he didn’t. Sitting in silence as he continued to examine your face, the slope of your nose, the way your hair fell gently around your head, your smooth but tired looking skin against the light coming from the window..

He missed you, more than he ever wanted to admit. He thought he could stop himself from missing you, by telling himself this was just for the fun of it, but it didn’t work. It only made him miss you more, and he despised it.

He turned away again, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

“You know… maybe this is the last time we should see each other..”

He didn’t want that to be true, he wished he could take it back the moment the words left his mouth. It hurt even more that despite his best efforts he couldn’t help but hope that you felt the same way, that you were as sick of this as he was. That you wouldn’t just leave this as some unspoken “I want you but I can’t”..

The words felt like a bullet to the chest. The feeling of suffocation similar to the one when you smoked weed the first time and you were almost coughing up a lung. They replayed in your mind even when you went back to the party in a haze without JJ trying to stop you or claw at your arms drunkenly. You were back to glowing and smiling and chatting with people you despised, safely tucked on Riley's side.

You hated Riley. Mainly for the situation you were in with him, specifically. You hated Riley because he wasn't JJ. You hated this life and you hated yourself. Still, you looked dazzling. Even after cheating on your boyfriend for the millionth time. Your skirt looked untouched and your hair was back to it's glory, makeup fixed. But you felt rotten. Your perfect smile flashed and you let out a small chuckle at something that your friend Ashley said, bringing your cup to your lips to take a small sip of your drink. JJ was gone. He ditched the party and his words were still ringing in your ears like when he was moaning and grunting in pleasure, telling you how good you felt. "You know.. maybe this is the last time we should see each other" like a broken record. You were definitely close to blacking out. But you held yourself together, watching Ashley intently as she spoke to you, laughing idly.

Meanwhile, JJ was currently at the Chateau, back in the spare room he hogged as his own.

He felt… surprisingly calm, all things considered. The weight of what he said was still there, his heart still felt like it had been ripped straight out of his chest, but there was a sort of peace along with it, and he was content to sit there, smoking and drinking, pretending like his head wasn’t filled with images of you.

The thoughts would come in waves, sometimes gentle, others brutal. He tried not to dwell on it, but the thoughts came anyway.

And they only got louder and more intrusive the more he drank, the more he smoked, the deeper he got into his own headspace. He didn’t want to remember how you felt against him - how you smelled, the way his hands always seemed to land on your hips at any given point without fail. He didn’t want to remember the feeling of your lips against his, or the sound of his name on your lips.

As he took another drag, he felt the pain in his chest swell, his eyes stung slightly and he clenched his jaw. As bad as he knew it was for him, he wanted it to hurt, because as twisted as it was at least he could feel it.. And he wasn’t quite ready to go numb yet.

But you were. 2 Hours later, you were completely out of it. You weren't sure how you were still conscious. But you weren't far from passing out either. Your arms were looped around Ashley's and Riley's shoulders, supporting your weight as they practically dragged you out of the still crowded house and supposedly to Riley's car. But you weren't gonna leave with Riley. You couldn't risk blurting out anything and you just straight up hated the idea of being alone with the guy.

"Ash.." you slurred, quietly and raised your head a little, "can i sleep at your place?" you asked almost incoherently. Ashley wasn't your best friend. But she was the least intolerable out of your frigid and snobby friends, so she was your only choice.

“Hm?” Ashley looked at you, noticing that you weren’t able to stay on your feet by yourself. A smirk appeared on her face as she glanced at Riley, who stood silently beside her.

“I guess so, I’m surprised you lasted this long, with Riley’s boring ass by your side,” she added, laughing a little after.

At her laughter you gave a drunken giggle and snickered a little as you leaned further into your friend's shoulder. “Yeah, he ain’t exactly the fun kind, but he sure is hot, though.” You added with a wink, before giggling again as you stumbled over your words.

You knew you looked and sounded gross - you felt pretty disgusting. But right now the only thing you wanted was to fall asleep and forget all of your problems.. especially the mess with JJ.

Ashley laughed softly along with you, supporting her end of your weight as she nudged you playfully.

”Well I can’t argue with you there,” she laughed, looking almost surprised by your comment. “Maybe you do deserve him..” She glanced at Riley, who looked back at her with an eye roll, before looking back to you.

“But anyway, come on, you’re about to pass out. Let’s get you back to my place before you make any more bad decisions,” she added with a teasing smile

You nodded, your drunken eyes half open as she helped you into the backseat of her car, laying down on your side. Riley was already sitting in the passenger’s seat, the car’s engine running. You were exhausted now - the thoughts about JJ were still there but they were slower than before and your head was spinning, like your brain was full of a thick syrup, slowing your mind and thoughts. The ride to Ashley’s house was smooth, and you fell asleep a few minutes in, lulled into a light sleep by the ride and alcohol swirling within you.

Both Ashley and Riley were silent during the drive, both not really having much to say. Their house wasn’t far, and the drive was short. They pulled up on their cul de sac, and Ashley parked the car in her driveway before hopping out to help you inside.

”Jesus… how much did she even drink?” Riley commented while they carried you out of the car, Ashley sending a glare his way.

”Whatever it was, it was too much.. We have to get her to bed before she pukes.”

Once the two managed to get you to Ashley’s bedroom, they got you changed into one of her oversized shirts and some shorts before putting you down on the large, comfortable mattress of bed. They knew that you’d probably wake up with a hangover in the morning, so they put a glass full of water and two Advil pills on the nightstand next to you, right where you’d be sure to see it the moment you woke up.

“There. She should be fine, right?” Riley asked with a raise of his brows.

You shifted awake at the sound of their voices, despite being asleep, your blurry vision landing on Riley, your boyfriend and you smiled drunkenly, "I'll see you tomorrow handsome.." you mumbled before your brows furrowed in confusion "where's my phone?"

Riley was a little taken aback from your sudden wakefulness, sending you a small, tired smile as he approached the bed, leaning closer.

“It’s right there. Don’t worry about it, just get some sleep, yeah? I’ll see ya later, okay? Sleep well, sweetheart.”

Riley pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before making his way out of the room, closing the door on his way out.

You were left alone with Ashley after Riley left and you propped yourself on your elbows, frowning at her, "Do you think me and Riley are the perfect couple?" you asked, your words slurred and mumbly

She was a bit surprised by the question, but managed to give you a small smile, making herself comfortable at your feet to keep an eye on you.

“You guys have your moments. He seems pretty whipped for you, if that’s what you’re asking.” She chuckled softly, shrugging. “You guys seem pretty happy to me? Why?”

"I wish things were different is all..." you mumbled, shifting to lean your back against the headboard of her bed, eyes casted down at the pink fluffy comforter that was covering your lap.

She raised a brow before sighing softly and moving up to your side, putting her back against the headboard and letting herself sink into the pillows.

“Well, what would make things different to you?” She asked, leaning a little closer to you to rest her head on your shoulder.

"I just hate my fucking life Ash.." you rested your head on top of hers, your eyelids heavy, raising your hand to rub at them tiredly.

She nodded, raising a hand and running it up and down your back sympathetically.

“Wanna talk about it..?” Ash asked softly, wanting to comfort you however she could.

"No.. i just-.. can i use your bathroom? I wanna freshen up before sleeping." you shifted, standing up from the bed and grabbing your phone from the bed.

She sat up more and nodded.

“Sure, it’s right in here, sweetie. I’ll leave you to it.” She said, nodding towards her attached bathroom.

"Thanks.." you mumbled, swaying slightly as you stepped into the bathroom and shutting the door with a soft click, locking it. You dropped on the cold tiles, bringing your knees up to your chest while leaning against the cold tiled wall. You were staring at JJ's contact, gnawing at your bottom lip, at the picture of him smiling at the camera dimples in full shine as he held up the small puppy he found on the road that day. Your chest hurt. Thinking about JJ and the possibility of never seeing him again. Hearing his lame, whispered jokes whenever he was fishing, careful not to scare the fish away. Never smelling him after he'd smoke on the beach, sunscreen smeared over his nose in a pathetic attempt to calm down the sunburn on it. Not that you experienced those things anymore. They were left for the pogues to do so. But the possibility of not being able to in the future scared you.

You were torn between texting him, which would look completely unreadable given you were plastered. So with a reluctant sigh you pressed call, tilting your head back and letting your eyes flutter closed, the bright LEDs in the bathroom irritating your eyes.

JJ was pacing around the Chateau's backyard, a lit cigarette burning in between his lips as he took in the fresh air. He still felt like he was too pissed to sleep, but the cool air was at least helping calm him down.

As he took a drag of his cigarette, his phone buzzed in the pocket of his shorts, indicating that someone was calling him. He pulled it out, almost dropping it at the sight of your name on his screen.

“What the hell..” He muttered to himself, raising a brow in confusion that you would call him at this hour. That you would call him at all, on your own free will.

He hesitantly answered after a few rings, bringing the phone up to his ear and keeping his voice quiet, so as to not to wake anyone else.

“Hey princess..” He said softly, his tone a little surprised despite the exhaustion on his voice. He’d almost been sure that he messed things up too much to even hear from you again.

"Did you actually mean it..?" you spoke after a few seconds of silence, your numb brain surprised he picked up your call after saying that you shouldn't see each other anymore earlier that night.

He sighed softly, his eyes closing at the sound of your voice, his resolve to stay away from you weakening just a little bit.

“I- You know I always talk out of my ass when I’m mad, Y/n..” He muttered, rubbing his eyes as if that would sober him up at all.

"So you didn't..?" you asked, your eyes shooting open like a hopeful child, even though he couldn't see it.

He could practically hear the hope in your voice, and the words got caught in his throat.

“Why do you even care? We’re not supposed to be anything anymore, remember?”

He reminded you, but it sounded almost like he was reminding himself too. No matter how hard he tried to stay away from you, he couldn’t keep his heart from yearning to be with you.

"No i just-.." you cut yourself off, your mushy brain too numb to actually form coherent sentences. And even in the haze of the alcohol you could feel your chest constrict with that painful feeling, like when you had a panic attack.

He could tell you weren’t sober the second he heard your voice, and you were slurring a lot worse than he thought you would.

“Hell, if you’re that messed up, you really didn’t need to drink that much, princess. You trying to drink yourself unconscious..?” He knew he should probably just be concerned, but he couldn’t help the slight bit of resentment he felt at the thought of you drowning out your thoughts with alcohol, especially when it was all his fault.

"Fuck.. It's not working okay..?" you sighed, your words more to yourself than for him, tilting your head back against the tiled wall and letting your eyes flutter closed once again before adding, "I wish things were different JJ.." you mumbled, your voice weak and the grip on your phone firm.

His heart clenched painfully at your words, his mind spinning with indecision. Part of him wanted to yell, scream, punch something, run back to your house, beg to just see your face and to hold you one last time to say all the things that he was too scared to say.. But he refrained himself, holding back from doing any of that.

“They can’t be different, that’s the thing..” He said, his voice thick with pain and barely held back tears.

"Please don't leave me.." you spoke up on the other end of the call after a few moments voice getting wetter with unshed tears, your breath hitching, still rubbing at your closed eyelids.

His heart nearly stopped in his chest when you spoke, the raw vulnerability in your voice causing a lump to form in the back of his throat.

"I'm not goin' anywhere, sweetheart." He finally managed to choke out after a moment, the term of endearment slipping out almost automatically.

"You said you-.." you choked out, your words almost slurring together before taking a deep breath and starting again, "you said we shouldn't see each other anymore.." you mumbled, scowling even though, yet again he couldn't see it given you were on the phone with him.

His heart ached painfully as he heard your shaky voice over the phone.

“I- that’s not- I didn’t mean it-” He hated how helpless he sounded, he was supposed to be strong, and here he was, falling apart at the thought of not seeing you again.

He let out a shuddering breath, steadying himself as much as he could. “I- can I come see you? I can be there in five minutes.”

" 'M not home.." your eyes snapped open at his request, "But i can leave now, and we-.. we can meet at my house." you spoke fast, your words almost slurring together again, standing up and leaning on the sink in Ashley's bathroom.

“Be there soon.” He hung up, taking a moment to steady himself despite his drunkenness. He needed to get to you, now, before he lost it again. He quickly left the Chateau, not wanting to linger in case someone came outside.

It didn’t take him too long to make it to your house. He climbed through your window, waiting in your bedroom for you in the dark.

He waited in the darkness, only the soft glow of the moonlight coming through the window illuminating the room enough to see. After a few moments, he got a little impatient, and he stood up to check the time, pacing nervously. Was this a mistake? Had he just read the signals wrong? Maybe you’d changed your mind, and he just needed to-

He stopped his thoughts when he heard the sound of your door opening slowly.

You stumbled slightly in the darkness of your room, your head still spinning with the alcohol and your whole body buzzing with exhaustion and you were surprised how you were still conscious and walking. You didn't notice JJ at first, closing the door to your room with a soft click and dropping your purse on the ground before stumbling towards the bed and slumping down on it.

He didn’t need to hear anything else. As soon as he saw you walk into the room and fall onto your bed, he was across the room and pulling you into his arms.

He buried his face into your hair, holding you tightly against him as his body trembled. He didn’t speak, he just held on to you, pressing small kisses into your hair.

“I-I’m so sorry..” He finally managed to choke out after a long moment, “Don’t leave me, please..”

"You actually came.." you asked after a few moments, not startled by his presence, your arms wrapping around his neck lazily.

JJ’s heart was beating rapidly, but his voice was steady despite that as he spoke again.

He held onto you tighter, his breath becoming shaky again.”Of course I came.” He muttered into your hair. “You called and I’m gonna keep comin’ every chance I get..”

"So you're not leaving me..?" you mumbled quietly, your head resting on his shoulder, your nose grazing his jaw.

JJ leaned into your touch, enjoying the feeling of you close to him again. He shook his head. ”Never. I wasn’t thinkin’ straight, I didn’t mean any of that. I’m right where I wanna be now.”

His arms wrapped around you tightly, protectively, refusing to let go. He knew that he probably shouldn’t be giving in again, he knew he probably shouldn’t keep doing this to himself, but he couldn’t help it when it came to you. It was hard not to give in, to give you and himself something he had never had with anyone else. Something real.. something that was like an addiction he couldn’t get rid of.

"Can you carry me to the bathroom.. I just wanna throw up.." you sighed, your stomach feeling like it was desperately trying to push out all the alcohol and food you had at the party earlier.

JJ didn’t hesitate, his arms instantly scooping you up. He didn’t care if it made him seem like a weak little simp, he’d do anything for you, especially when you asked him to. So he grabbed onto you and carried you into the bathroom.

He knelt at your side, gently holding back your hair for you and rubbing your back as he tried to comfort you while you emptied your stomach.

The cold tiles under your feet were a stark contrast to the heat in your body, the cold biting at your skin. You gripped the edge of the toilet bowl, your knuckles turning white. With a heave, your stomach contracted, and you felt the bile rise up. The sound of retching filled the small space as you emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet. Your body shook with each wave, and tears streamed down your face. When it's done, you hesitantly raise your head, locking eyes with JJ and scowling in embarrassment, "I'm such a mess JJ.." you spoke, the bitter taste lingering in your mouth, reaching to wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.

JJ didn’t care if you were a mess. In fact, messy like this was how he found you most beautiful. He gently brushed a loose strand of your hair behind your ear as he looked down at you, a soft, gentle look on his face as he spoke.

“I love you messy like this, y’know. Makes me feel like you really need me, an’ I don’t think anyone’s ever needed me much before..”

He let out a quiet sigh as he let the words really sink in, still gently rubbing your back in rhythmic circles. He hated it here. He hated your parents, he hated your boyfriend, but being here, with you, feeling like he was needed, meant the world to him. He wished he could stay here for longer than just this night, he wished he could make you feel good, make you smile in a way that your boyfriend couldn’t make you smile. He wished.. he just wished for things that could never happen. He closed his eyes, and he just enjoyed the moment.

You remained silent for a couple of moments, just staring at him as the words sunk in, your head pounding less than before, "A lot of people need you J.." you mumbled, your voice hoarse and quiet.

JJ looked at you, his gaze soft and sincere. “Yeah but they don’t love me like you do.” He murmured the words quietly, leaning down and planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

“They don’t love me.. like you’re supposed to.” He whispered against your skin, the words painful and bitter but true, as much as he wanted to deny them.

"Stay with me tonight..?" you asked quietly, shifting closer to him on the bathroom floor, nuzzling your head into his shoulder.

JJ nodded slowly, his heart fluttering at your question. Of course he’d stay. There was nothing he would rather do than stay with you, especially in this moment, when you were letting him have as much of you as he wanted—which was everything. “Of course, baby. Whatever you want. I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to.” He murmured as he held you close, his hand slowly running through your hair.

He knew that come morning, it would be a different story, when the sun came up and reality started again. He knew you’d want to pretend like this didn’t happen, like it was just another hook up, that you had both drunk way too much to think clearly and had no idea what you were doing. But he didn’t care. Not as long as he had you for as long as he could have you. “I love you, you know that right..?” He murmured the words softly, almost hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

"I love you... i promise I'll fix this." you mumbled, raising your head from his shoulder to look at him.

JJ looked down as you moved, his heart fluttering at your words. He hadn’t heard them in so long, and he’d missed them more than he could put into words. “Don’t get my hopes up, darling.” He murmured in reply, his lips curving into a soft, almost sad smile.

“We both know you’re not gonna be here in the morning..”

"This is my room.. if anything, you'll be gone by the morning.." you mirrored his smile, your eyes flitting over his features, the features you've grown so familiar and attached to over the years. Even more as this thing between you progressed and ruined your life.

As he listened to you, his expression softened. He reached up and brushed a hand against your cheek, his eyes darting nervously away for a second as he started thinking about what was going to come.

“No. I won’t be gone in the morning. Because you’re not gonna want me here when the morning comes.” His voice was quiet, but he kept his eyes on yours, his eyes holding a mixture of sorrow and longing.

"I want you here all the time.." you protested with the same quiet tone, your expression twitching slightly, softening into something akin to sadness.

He sighed, his eyes closing for a moment. “Baby…you know it’s just gonna be like all the other times. You want me here now, but that’s what the alcohol’s making you want. And every other time, once the alcohol’s gone, so is you wanting me..”

"No.. that's where you're wrong.." you shook your head, chewing the inside of your cheek before adding, "I-.. i think these things when I'm sober too.. it's just.. I'm such a coward." You shifted, your back pressed on the cabinet underneath the sink, bringing your knees up to your chest, your head turned to the side to face him, "Maybe that's why i always despised Kie.. she was so.. brave. She stood up to her parents and.. she wouldn't put you through the things i put you through. For fuck's sake I'm a cheater and a horrible person. I'm a mess JJ.. Just look at me.."

JJ listened silently, his heart sinking farther and farther with each word he hears. Despite his better judgment, he couldn’t help but get his hopes up.

“I don’t care.. about any of that, baby. It doesn’t matter to me how much of a mess you are, or all the things you’ve done, or anything like that.. what matters is that I love you, and you’re what makes me happy.” He murmured, his voice cracking ever so slightly on the last sentence.

"But are you actually happy? Happier than you are with the pogues? Or just... In general..? Sometimes.. sometimes i see you around town, smiling or laughing-.. or surfing with the others, and you glow. You look so happy, and every time we're together we're either fucking in the darkness or-.. fighting. And I'm so miserable. All the time. I don't have any real friends, and i hate Riley. I hate him. I hate when he tries to touch me or when he introduces me to people as his girlfriend. It makes me sick." you spoke, your words flowing out like the bile from your stomach just a few minutes ago, your gaze fixed on the bathroom tiles underneath your feet.

As you spoke, he couldn’t deny that you had a point.. He knew that he was happy with the Pogues, but even if you asked, he wouldn’t be able to say that he was happy when he was with you. Because even though he loved you, being with you was complicated and messy. And sometimes messy, complicated didn’t equal happy.

JJ looked down as he stayed silent for a moment, his brow furrowing as he fought with himself. He knew what he needed to say, or at least what he probably should say, but could he bring himself to do it?

“Y'know what? You’re right.. I’m not happy when I’m with you.”

He spat the words out, and although they were mostly true, a part of him didn’t want to believe them. He didn’t want things to be over between you, not like this..

JJ sighed, his anger seeming to lessen as the reality of what he just said sank in. He knew he had to leave, that he couldn’t stay there with you anymore, so instead of waiting for a response, he stood and headed for the window.

“I just.. I gotta go.” He muttered, his voice low as he climbed out your window. “Maybe you should go back to your boyfriend.” That statement alone made JJ’s heart ache, but he ignored the pain and didn’t look back, quickly disappearing back into the night.

You stood up clumsily from the bathroom floor and by the time you stumbled in the middle of your room he already had climbed out of your window. The same feeling from earlier from when he told you you shouldn't see each other overcame you again. Your throat felt tight and your chest ached and you could feel yourself slowly slipping into a small panic attack as you sat on the floor to cry, the bitter taste from throwing up still stinging on your tongue as you cried silently.

Something felt final in his words, especially the last statement. The cycle repeated itself again. Although this time you weren't sure when you were gonna see him. If you were gonna see him. Maybe he was getting sick of being the side piece. You would be. In truth you wouldn't put up with your bullshit this long if you were him. But you guessed it was futile to dabble over that, given you wanted JJ around no matter how wrong and twisted it was. You made the efforts to go over at his house when drunk, or ask him to come over so he could fuck you into the mattress, only for an argument to spark up right after you both came.

You'd be sick too.

It was a bitter feeling, not even 20 minutes ago he was holding your hair almost lovingly while you wretched into your toilet after drinking your self blind. Which was funny because the reason you drank in the first place was because you thought it was over. Which felt like it was now. His words and demeanor felt so final, but they did every time. That was the curse of toxic relationships. There were highs and lows, but not like in normal relationships. Especially since there was nothing normal about you both. I mean, you were cheating on your boyfriend with him, and he knew you were in a relationship with a guy. Atop of that you knew each other since you were 8. Been childhood best friends before all the fucking and arguing. You knew one another better than you knew how to roll up weed or surf.

You had moved from your floor to cry on the bed now, nestled between the endless pillows and plushies, chest heaving and breath sputtery from each and every single sob leaving your swollen lips.

hey guys... (the few people who requested a part two to this) i genuinely have no plot for this. this was meant as a one-shot and maybe i should've just made it that. if you have any, and i mean ANY ideas for the plot, inbox is open. because idk where to take them lmao. i'm so evil for making them so miserable. this is so emotional for no reason and i'm not sure the smut is even good enough to make up for the fact that it's so depressing?? reminds me of how my ex used to always threaten to leave me and then we'd get back together only to break up with me mid sentence LMAO.

Tag-list*:･ﾟ✧ @cali-888, @bee-43, @jjscoquette, @melsbels-zip, @stanseventeen @wh0reforbucknasty @wtfisastiles @annaconscience @pqndxra @carrerascameron @nini2mem @iynsane @gublerstylesobrien1238 @alimarie1105

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