#not anymore you aren’t! pay attention to my detectives or you will never leave

[greaseonmymouth]

I have had a very busy few weeks and this week in particular has been wild, so I’ve not had time (or energy) to write any fic for like a month. so my current wip has been languishing while I’ve just been daydreaming about it every spare moment instead, as you do

well I woke up this morning from a dream that I was at London book fair (I was in fact at London book fair this week) and attending a seminar but actually I was running the seminar, and the seminar was just all of us watching Journal 64

[spacedikut]

the very insecure dr reid ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

summary: “Could you write another fic about early Spence where he’s all insecure” combined with another request :) 5730 words

a/n: title taken from s1e5!! i wrote this months ago aka before i decided to try to make my fics gender neutral and i tried to make the appropriate changes but im also a dumbass so! yeah! 

masterlist

Spencer is a man of science, if you didn’t already know.

This means he doesn’t spend his time fretting over what isn’t there, what doesn’t have facts and evidence to back it up. Of course, he dabbles in reading conspiracy theories and enjoys learning about various religions and things of that sort, but these are to expand his already infinite knowledge, not because he particularly believes in them.

The first time he believed there was some kind of God was when you kissed him.

It was after the case where both Elle and Spencer were trapped on a train with a paranoid schizophrenic – he still remembers how you reacted when he agreed to being sent in, how you tried to keep it light-hearted but pulled him aside to solemnly tell him you didn’t think you’d be able to live without him (if you do something rash and stupid, Spencer, I swear to God-). You threatened to nipple cripple him if he did die, and it was weirdly motivating.

After he was checked over, and teased Elle about saving her life, you came crashing into him with an audible oof and a whisper of, “God you smell so good I’m so glad you’re okay don’t ever do that again.” It was probably the adrenaline, the near-death experience high, but instead of gently pushing you away like he’d do with anyone else, he discovers your waist has a wonderful dip that his arms fit perfectly into as he tugs you close.

He’s hugged people before, obviously, but it’s always different with you.

You must think so, too, because when you pull away just enough that you’re still in his arms but can clearly see his face, you take a minuscule intake of breath that Spencer wouldn’t notice if he wasn’t, you know, Spencer.

A strand of Spencer’s hair falls from where it was tucked, falling into his line of sight. Without hesitation you’re pushing it back, fingertips brushing against Spencer’s cheek as you fold the hair back behind his ear. Your eyes meet when there’s no obstruction, electricity crackling in Spencer’s ears when he realises there’s nothing between you, nothing stopping you, and there’s something about the lack of space between you and how he holds you that just makes you ask-

“Would it be weird if I kissed you right now?”

Immediately, Spencer thinks yes. Not because he doesn’t want you to (he couldn’t think of anything better to do, to be honest), or because of where you are (although, knowing the whole team is not far away does make him feel a little funny), it’s because he’s him. Gangly, awkward, with very sweaty hands that feel at home on your body, and you don’t want to kiss that. You can’t want to.

Yet, he shakes his head, and finds himself copying you when you lean in and close your eyes.

It’s short, sweet, and somewhat weird. He thinks he blacks out, loses himself in your lips despite it happening so quickly.

When you pull back, Spencer’s eyes remain closed for a good few seconds before he’s brought back to Earth. And he doesn’t know what to say - pretty people don’t just… kiss him. They certainly don’t ask if they can kiss him, then follow through, and… stare at him like that.

“Has anyone seen Reid? Y/L/N?”

Whatever was supposed to happen after, whether it was good or bad, you’ll never know. Hotch’s footsteps are thundering towards you and, despite your daze, you step away from Spencer just as he spots you.

The second time he believed there was a God, he asked you on a date. And you said yes.

Neither of you mention the kiss. In your defence, he supposes, it happened merely an hour ago – everyone’s rushing to get back to Quantico so no one’s had time to make any kind of small talk, let alone have the talk after a kiss.

Elle gives Spencer a look of confusion when she slides past him, moving into the jet as he hovers in the entryway. He’s obviously waiting for someone, passing out tight lipped smiles to the team when they all squeeze past. Spencer isn’t a big guy, but it’s bizarre for him to be standing there like that, swaying like the palm tree he is – he’s usually setting up for yet another game of chess with Gideon at this moment.

Then you shuffle on, faltering when you catch him waiting for you but smile nonetheless. He straightens, hands remaining in his pockets when his mouth opens to speak. You interrupt him (before he can make a fool of himself, thank God).

“Wanna sit together?” You ask, eyes never leaving his. He nods and follows you like the lost puppy he is.

The second you invite him to sit next to you instead of opposite he wants to pull you tight into his side, but that seems like too much. He’s not Derek, for Heaven’s sake, and you’re not Garcia – all you’ve done is kiss once and really, when he thinks about it, you were probably on an adrenaline high too, so it might’ve been a heat of the moment thing. It happens, Spencer’s read about it, and although it would break his heart that it meant nothing, it’s likely. Oh, it’s so likely.

Spencer might be the first one on the team to cry on the BAU jet.

Halfway home, the team is lost in their own pass-times to notice when you bookmark your page and place your book on the table.

“Spence,” You whisper, testing if he’s awake.

He is. He hasn’t been able to catch a wink of sleep, no matter how hard he tries. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry if what I did earlier- you know-“ You gesture vaguely in the air, completely oblivious to the fact Spencer is very familiar with what happened earlier because he can’t stop replaying it, “-If that made you uncomfortable. Or if I forced you, or-“

“Would it be weird if I asked you on a date when we land?”

The grin you send him shoots straight to his heart, eyes crinkling with laughter at his echo of the words you used earlier. If you notice you don’t mention it, but his hands can’t stop fidgeting under the table, slick with sweat.

“It’d only be weird if you don’t kiss me after.” You say.

His brows furrow, a small incredulous laugh leaving him. “What? Why?”

“We’ve already had our first kiss, so it’s out of the way.”

“Are you saying… You want to kiss me again?”

You thought that was obvious from when you kissed him earlier, but you’re happy to remind him. “Yes. I would like that very much.”

“Okay,” He says, bashfully, with a lick of his lips. “I can- I can arrange that.”

This time, when you turn back to your book, your head finds his shoulder and Spencer thinks his it has turned to gold, blessed by being touched by you. Would it be too much if, the second you get back to base, he writes about this moment in great detail to his mother?

+++

All of that leads to now, where The Date is in three days.

He plans to take you to his favourite book café, a place you’ve always wanted to go but never had the chance to, and he was so, so excited. Any time he gets to spend with you is cherished and means more to him than it does to you, because to him it’s an excuse for you to give him more reasons to fall in love with you. And he does - fall in love - every single day.

Was is the important word here. He’s not excited anymore.

It’s terrifying how quick the tides can change.

Just this morning, he was glancing with child-like excitement at the outfit he’s already chosen for the date. You brought him some coffee, whispering an endearing, “Three days!” as you did, and, according to Derek, Spencer’s love eyes (what the hell does that mean) were so big even Derek fell in love with you for a second.

Now, Spencer’s not territorial, but that comment stuck with him. Maybe that’s why he’s here now.

He has to cancel the date.

It pains him – God, does it pain him – but he has to. He can’t go on that date with you. He can’t… put you through that. Make you spend time with him and have to let him down gently, slowly, like you’re talking down a temper tantrum. He can’t then pretend everything’s okay in front of the team. He won’t be able to pretend, because he’s liked you for months.

He won’t force you to go on that date with him. You deserve better than that, and better than him.

That’s what it comes down to: you deserve better than him.

It started that morning with Derek, as previously mentioned. Then the team was whisked away on a case, and the detectives were all over you. JJ, too, but they were too intimidated by Elle and Morgan, who just laughed at their attempts to impress you. It was borderline inappropriate, but you were too concerned with the victims and finding a serial killer to pay some officers and detectives you’ll never see again any attention.

Spencer noticed, though. And he couldn’t concentrate.

The detectives are dressed too well – by that, he means the suits and the Rolex watches are way above their paygrade – and they keep emphasising how good looking you and JJ are and how lucky the BAU is to have such dolls working on the team. What is this, the 40s? Who calls anyone doll anymore? And, yes, the team is very lucky to have you and JJ, but because you’re both great minds and wildly intelligent people that, yes, are also very gorgeous, but your looks aren’t all you have to offer, thank you very much.

There’s a detective approaching you, again, as you stand by the water cooler.

Spencer frantically looks around, trying to find a member of the team. “Morgan!” He weakly calls, because Spencer won’t scare him off. Maybe Morgan can chase them away like they’re stray cats, with his big muscles and scary eyebrows. Or Elle, who earlier merely lifted an eyebrow and the officers scattered like cockroaches.

All he catches of the conversation between you and the model/detective at the cooler is, “I appreciate it, but no thank you,” and that’s all he needs to hear.

He should’ve known someone would eventually make a move. You’ve said no, clearly, and Spencer doesn’t understand why. I mean, yes, he knows why – you have a prior engagement – but the detective… As much as he’s kind of a dick, he complements you better than Spencer does. Physically.

And there starts the spiral.

There must be something in the water, because every officer and detective and everyone in between is in peak physical condition with dashing looks to boot. They’re all straight out of a magazine, as if the popular kids from Spencer’s high school graduated and followed him here to remind him he is incredibly unworthy of you.

Spencer is lanky, unlike the broad men and curvaceous women here, and slicks his hair to the side rather than up like the others. He wears sweater vests, not blazers, and he’s so skinny that his trousers always look like hand-me-downs – nothing is fitted, like so many outfits are here.

They’re all everything Spencer is not. And Spencer is realising, quite quickly, that they’re the better ones – and that’s what you deserve. Better. The best.

It gets worse when they deliver the profile.

He finds his spot next to you, gives you a tight lipped smile, then looks at the outfits of his team compared to his own. Both Hotch and Morgan wear dark suits, well-proportioned and sophisticated in a way that Spencer is sure isn’t even in his calibre. Elle wears a deep green t-shirt, tucked into her tight black pants, and looks wonderfully intimidating with her double gun holster wrapped around her shoulders.

And you. You.

You wear a white shirt tucked into nicely tailored trousers, hair effortlessly styled with a pen tucked behind your ear. You all look like FBI agents. Intimidating. Prepared. Put-together.

Spencer… looks like he’s still in high school. He threatens no one, intimidates no one, and definitely does not make anyone feel inferior with his masculinity. He’s not an alpha male, is what he’s trying to say, and for each person he encounters in this wretched police department he feels himself shrinking.

So when they give the profile, he tries to say as little as possible. Tries to attract as little attention as possible, so when Hotch says his usual, “Thank you.” He can slip away unnoticed and hide from the superior beings.

It works, given everyone is too busy trying to save lives. Except you notice, and Spencer has to pretend he’s okay when you find him at the evidence board and tell him you’re excited for the date. He wants to believe you, truly does, but no matter how hard he digs into his brain to find a part of him that can fathom you see him as a better option than literally anyone else, it doesn’t exist.

You don’t seem to notice. He tells himself he’s glad, but there’s no denying the disappointment.

+++

Hotch calls it a night when the clock nears midnight. He says the team should get as much rest as possible and come in with fresh eyes tomorrow – despite this, the team knows most if not all of them will get little to no sleep, given that they’ll all be going over everything they’ve got so far in their hotel rooms.

You slink up to Spencer, a pep in your step even though you’re running on pure caffeine and nothing else. It’s then Spencer realises he has to do it now, because if he does it in the police department then he’ll be called unprofessional, but if he waits any longer than that he’ll be cutting too close and that’s a bad look.

“Y/N,” He says, coming to a stop before the elevators, allowing the rest of the team to head up. “I need to say something.”

You nod with a smile, covering a cute yawn when he takes a couple seconds to gather his thoughts.

You’re not sure what he’s gonna say, but you assume it’ll be to do with the date. Maybe a change of time, or a change of venue – he did mention the library café can get super busy on weekends – or, worst case scenario, the date will have to be postponed for whatever reason. And none are particularly bad, because you’re excited and just want to be with Spencer – it doesn’t matter if it’s not when he originally planned or where he originally planned.

But Spencer has always unwittingly been full of surprises.

“We can’t go on that date.”

Instantly you ask, “Why not?”

“Well-“ He seems caught off guard, like he wasn’t expecting you to question the sudden change of heart, “It’s complicated-“

“I’ve got time.”

“We should go to sleep-“

“Is it your mother?”

“No. No, it’s not.” Of course you look empathetic when you consider his mother might need him – a stab to the start. Add in the flicker of concern in your eyes – two stabs to the heart. “It’s not her. It’s- it’s nothing. Just, can we cancel?”

“And reschedule?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

The disappointment is clear on your face and makes Spencer feel so guilty, but not guilty enough to take it back. You’re not disappointed that you’re missing out on dating him, you’re frustrated that you’ve been building up to having plans on the weekend and they’ve suddenly been cancelled without reason. By Spencer, of all people. In a couple months’ time you’ll thank him, when you’re dating some bodybuilder who can grow a mean beard. You’ll thank him for not making you go on that date with him and forcing you to tell him you’re just not my type, Spence, and making everything awkward.

He can’t look at you. Maybe that’s why he misses the genuine sadness, the sudden glassiness of your eyes that humiliates you enough to make you angry. His words have ignited a fire in your chest that burns through your body like you’re made of gasoline, and you wish you could turn your thoughts off so you don’t start questioning how long he’s been wanting to reject you, if he even wanted to date you in the first place, how embarrassing it is to have been so openly eager when, apparently, he was very much not.

“I’m sorry.” He says, like it’ll do anything. He still can’t look at you and he feels like a coward.

“Yeah.” You sniffle.

He decides to take the stairs. You head for the bar, just for one drink.

+++

The following day, when an officer tries to talk to you, you blatantly ignore him. You tell him that unless it’s work-related, you’re really not interested, and word spreads quick that your pleasantries have died out and you’re not in the mood to tolerate creepy compliments.

There’s a permanent frown on your face that haunts Spencer the entire day. He knows exactly what’s going on – it’s his fault, after all – and he finds himself simultaneously avoiding you whilst witnessing your downcast mood.

Morgan starts investigating not long after you barely react to his terrible joke. He makes them for you, because you either choke on laughter or throw your pen at him, but this time it was like you weren’t even in the room. When Morgan poked you and asked if you heard him, your lacklustre reply was, “Hm? Yeah, good one.”

Morgan perches on the desk Spencer’s using. “You got any idea what’s going on with Y/N?”

“They’re mad at me.”

“You’re the reason they’re like this?”

Spencer doesn’t physically react, just says, as casually as possible, “Unless another person asked them on a date then cancelled without reason, then yes. It’s my fault.”

There’s no point in lying. Especially to Derek. Spencer doesn’t know how you’ll go about explaining your sudden poor mood, if you’ll curse his very existence or lie about it, but Spencer’s never been a good liar and the sooner everyone knows it’s his fault and he sucks, the better.

Morgan leans forward, attempting to make eye contact with the doctor who very much does not want to. “There’s a story there.”

“Obviously.”

“…You wanna go ahead and explain it?”

“Not really.”

“Alright,” Derek shrugs, “You stir in your sadness and continue being a sourpuss, I’ll go check up on Y/N and find out what really happened.”

Derek’s barely moved off the table when Spencer stops him, voice small like a child, “Wait, Morgan, I-“

You walk past then, too focused on a suspect list faxed in by Garcia to pay attention to anyone else. Spencer’s eyes follow you the whole time, and the look in Spencer’s twinkling eyes make Morgan slump back onto the table in realisation.

“Why’d you cancel, Reid?”

“I had to.”

“You had other plans?”

Spencer chews his bottom lip. “No. But I… I couldn’t take them on a date.”

Derek waits for him to elaborate.

“Have you seen the kind of guys hitting on them?” Spencer asks, scooting his chair closer so no one can eavesdrop. “They’re all… They’re- they’re like you, Morgan. All cool and put-together and actually look their age, for one, and I’m not that. I could never be that – and that’s what Y/N wants-“

“Have you asked them that?”

“No. But I’m a profiler, in case you forgot, and I think it makes sense that these big-shouldered, super muscly guys are all over-“

“But you haven’t actually asked them what they want.”

“No.” Spencer sighs, leaning back in his chair.

“That’s your first, and most vital, mistake, my man.”

Spencer purses his lips, catching you watching him over Derek’s shoulder. You immediately look away, shooting off to the evidence room as an escape, and Spencer’s cheeks burn with guilt and embarrassment.

He can’t believe he thought he had a chance with you.

“I feel like this should be obvious, Genius, but Y/N said yes to a date with you, then turned down every offer that came from someone that wasn’t you-“

“That’s because they already made plans with me and they’d feel terrible if they had to cancel for another, better offer. I made it easier for them.”

Derek gives him such an incredulous look Spencer wonders if he should burn his PhDs. “Are you serious?”

The crestfallen expression on Spencer’s face is enough of an answer.

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“C’mon,” Derek tugs Spencer up from his chair. “I need to show your dumb ass something.”

All that’s missing is classic spy music when Derek and Spencer sneak into the conference room the BAU is using. Only Hotch is in there, scribbling something down, barely glancing up when the two agents creep in like they’re on a mission.

Spencer doesn’t say anything until Derek reaches for your bag. “Whoa- Morgan-“

“Relax.”

Spencer just stares, brows halfway down his face, and watches silently.

“That’s they’re journal, Morgan, you can’t just read it-“

“It’s not, pretty boy.”

Hotch watches the interaction, mildly confused, then nods to himself when he realises what Morgan’s holding.

Morgan splays the journal on the table in front of them, flipping through pages with precision like it’s his notebook and not yours. When he lands on his desired page, it’s slid towards Spencer.

He reads it.

The Doctor Spencer Reid cheat sheet. (Because I do not have an eidetic memory and feel bad whenever I forget something he tells me)

He’s too stumped by the words cheat sheet to look further, so Derek does it for him, flipping to the next page where very basic information about Spencer sits – full name, date of birth, hometown. As he looks to the page next to it, he realises it’s full of his favourite things – favourite coffee, favourite candy (which has multiple answers, by the way), even favourite pair of socks. Like a switch has been flipped, Spencer comes to life, frantically switching between pages that are overflowing with facts and tidbits about him, from his favourite monologue from his favourite film to his favourite shelf in his apartment. All things he’s told you either in passing or when he’s confided in you at random times, you’ve taken note. You’ve listened, and for some reason you’ve written it all down so you’d never forget.

“What…What is this?”

“It’s everything there is to know about you, Reid.” Derek watches as Spencer slips through the rest of the book, filled with random to-do lists and phone numbers of various people, looking for the same information about the rest of the team. “There’s only one for you, you know. And if you ask me it’s a little creepy, but it’s saved our asses when it’s come to buying gifts for you a good few times.” He slaps a hand on his friend’s shoulder, smirking at how Spencer’s awe-filled eyes never leave the pages before him. “They care about you a lot, Reid. More than you think. So…”

“I need to talk to them.”

“Yes, idiot, you do.”

+++

That night, Elle and Derek invite you to join them for some drinks at the bar, promising they won’t let it escalate to arm wrestling and childish bets like they always do. Even though they make a compelling argument, add on that you’re stressed and upset and really, really want to forget emotions exist more than anything else, you’re half tempted to accept and lose yourself in some cocktails.

Then you spot Spencer talking in hushed tones with Gideon and everything comes flooding back. So you tell Elle to have a drink for you, please don’t make a ruckus when she gets back to your shared room, and bid them adieu.

In your room, you distract yourself by renting one of your favourite movies. It’s overpriced, and a part of you wants to look over the case files again, but being sad and burnt out won’t lead to any good outcomes.

It’s a futile attempt at switching your brain off so you don’t have to think about how excited you were for the date. You’ve had twenty-four hours to get over it, but every time you see him you’re thrown back into the bitterness you feel – bitter that you fooled yourself into thinking it’d work out, bitter that your hopes were so high, bitter that you let your feelings for Spencer become such a big part of your life.

You’re lying on your scratchy hotel bed, thinking about Spencer and how he’s going to be complaining to Morgan about said scratchy beds, when there’s a knock at your door.

Naturally, you assume its Elle. She reminds you so much of your older sister who used to slide you some money so you’d stay up late into the night and quietly let her back into the house after she’s sneaked off to go to a party – except Elle is probably swaying outside your hotel room after losing her keycard rather than swaying on your doorstep.

So when you open the door, teasing quip ready, you legitimately choke when you’re faced with a fidgety Spencer Reid.

He tries to ignore how the way your face drops when you realise it’s him feels like a punch to the gut.

“Hey-“

“No.”

“Oh.”

“You-what-“ He’s never seen you so flustered. “Are you lost?”

Just in case, Spencer leans back to check the number beside your door is in fact 208. It is, and he turns back to you, “Please don’t slam the door in my face.”

It slips out. “I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise your pretty face.”

You’re humiliated that he has this effect on you, the ability to obliterate all your filters and common sense just by existing. But the look on his face alleviates the want to jump out of the window – his mouth opens, twitching into the smallest, most bashful smile before it falls and morphs back into disbelief. You just… You just called his face pretty, a word that makes some feel emasculated but no, never with you. You compliment people and mean it, which makes Spencer’s guilt worsen and the urge to tell you he loves you with his entire heart more intense.

You speak at the same time.

“Why are you-“

“I wanted to-“

You roll your lips together, holding back a smile, and nod for him to go on. He does the same, so you shake your head with a, “I was just asking why you’re here.”

He holds up a finger, signalling one moment, and opens his satchel to start rummaging in it. “I know this is a complete invasion of privacy, and theft, really, but Morgan showed me it and I just- Why do you have this?”

You gasp.

In his hand is the journal you’ve been working on since a month into your employment at the BAU. The gifted notebook was initially used to jot down any bits of advice your superiors gave you (on your first day, Elle gave you a list she lovingly titled “If I wasn’t an FBI agent I’d sock these people in the mouths”) but, before you knew it, it had an entirely different purpose.

It started when you witnessed Derek stumble when asked Spencer’s favourite colour, to which he said no one remembers stuff like that! Aptly followed by Spencer reeling off everyone’s preferred colours (even delving into second favourites and favoured colour schemes) and you realised then that… Spencer’s whole life, he’s remembered so much about the people around him and very rarely have they returned the favour. So, in an attempt to build friendship and because you had the fattest crush on him already, you started the Spencer Reid cheat sheet.

You didn’t think he’d ever see it, even if it’s always used by the team on various occasions. It was the team’s little secret, bar Spencer, that assisted in nearly every decision made on Spencer’s behalf – what to order from restaurants, drinks, birthday and holiday gifts, how to comfort him when he’s stressed or upset.

The responses vary. Derek thinks it’s weird, as did Elle at first, but JJ and Garcia insist its sweet and, really, no matter what they think they’ve all come running to you when time has called for it.

“How… Did you steal it?”

“Yes,” He tells you, guiltily, “I had to read it – it’s incredibly accurate, by the way.”

You don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.

“So… Why?”

“I don’t know,” You say, a bold-faced lie and Spencer can tell, but he lets you continue, “You remember everything about everyone else, so I wanted to… do the same for you, I guess.”

“I have an eidetic memory.”

You airily laugh – does he think you forgot that? “I know that. Doesn’t it get tiring recalling all this information about your friends and not having it reciprocated?”

He clicks his tongue at that, eyes falling back to the notebook in his hands that he fiddles with while he thinks. It is tiring, he supposes, but that’s how it’s always been. He remembers everything, the people around him just… don’t. He realised at a young age that he’ll often have to remind himself that friendship isn’t measured by what they remember, but by other ways – like this. You, with your unassuming journal that is full of things Spencer assumed no one would ever care to remember.

You, with your tensed jaw and fluttering eyes because you’re embarrassed.

You, who’s done quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for him, and it’s been happening for years right under his nose.

You, who he cancelled a date with because he was so sure you were dating him out of pity, out of obligation after he asked and you felt forced to say yes, but now he realises you care about him just as much as he cares for you.

Touched feels like an understatement.

“Y/N…”

“If you find it weird, I’ll burn it the second we get home. Pretend it never happened, we can… discuss a restraining order if we must-“

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Oh.”

He smiles at you, hands tight on the book in his hands, smiles so big that his eyes crinkle and his teeth show and he looks gorgeous. It tugs directly on your heart strings and just for a second you forget that he cancelled your date, forget that you’ve been pining for years, and bask in the warmth that radiates from him.

“This is… Insane, really.” He laughs, “But also so… so cool. I don’t deserve this, at all, and to think we could’ve gone on a date but I chickened out-“

“What?”

He shrugs with faux-nonchalance. “The-um- the reason I took back the date was because I think you deserve so much better than me. In a, you deserve someone like all the police officers down at the PD, kind of way. I don’t want a pity date-“

You scoff, then with an indignant, “Come in here,” You grab Spencer’s satchel and tug him into your hotel room, closing the door with a forceful push as he turns to face you.

With your hands on your hips, you stare him down with furrowed brows and a look that screams really? “Is that really what you think, Spence? It was a pity date?”

“Well, yeah,” He tells you. The conviction in his voice is so strong that, if you weren’t this riled up, you’d probably tear up at how sure he sounds.

You give another scoff. “Not only am I offended you think I’d do that to anyone, but I’m also mad that you don’t see how I look at you! Spencer, I’ve been into you since I started working here-“ His mouth falls open. You’re exasperated. “-and the notes were a way to get to know you, yes, but they were also because I couldn’t stop watching you and had to play it off like I was doing it for a reason. You’re my favourite, Spencer.”

His heart aches a little, full of such a tenderness he’s never quite felt before. He feels loved, and so, so touched that someone would put so much effort into getting to know him and… years. Literal years you’ve liked him, and he’s been blind to it.

“I like you a lot.” You’re breathless after your little speech, “And if you still don’t want that date, that’s okay. But I like you, Spence, I really like you.”

Your gaze never wavers. Spencer wants to scoop you up and place kisses all over. For the first time in a while, he feels worthy. Like what you’re saying isn’t being said for the sake of it, because you’re his friend and you have to support him, but because it’s what you genuinely think and feel and Spencer might be in love.

He swallows deeply before speaking.

“I really like you, too, Y/N. And I’m-I’m sorry that I cancelled the date and- I should’ve talked to you, maybe, before doing it, but… We’re here now, right?”

“You want to have a date right now?”

Thumbing through the book, he says, “Actually, there’s some blanks in here I’d like to fill, if you’re not busy…”

You’re very clearly on board with the suggestion, basically skipping to your bed, plopping down and patting the space beside you with a grin. “I’m not busy at all, Doctor Reid. Tell me everything I don’t already know.”

So he does, thigh pressed against yours and blush on his cheeks when you let your head fall onto his shoulder.

The night is spent giggling over the most random information you’ve gathered, correcting only one mistake (his favourite socks change every week, not your fault), and adding onto the already plentiful fact file.

And the date that weekend happens, ending in a sweet kiss on your doorstep that leaves you both with shy smiles and thundering hearts.

It’s the first date of many, followed by the creation of a new journal full of all there is to know about your and Spencer’s relationship.

+++

tags: @pinkdiamond1016 @bluerose512 @andreasworlsboring101 @bitchyreids @roses-and-grasses @ta-ka-shi-ma @chiffonchronicles @rexorangecouny @unmistakablyunknown @goofygubler14 @jasongideonapologist @gublertoon @averyhotchner

[keanureevesisbae]

But professor… - c.2

Summary: Penny continues to have some questions about the assignment, but thankfully professor Marshall is right there to help her out

Professor!Walter Marshall x Penny Townsend (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 2.3k

Warnings: Mentions of murder and blood

Masterlist // But professor… masterlist // Previous chapter // Next Chapter

My second criminology class, I was feeling a bit under the weather, but like the real die hard that I am, confusing to give in and rest (which would’ve be the better idea), I continued to go to class. I hid part of my face behind my scarf, while I would take a sip of my tea every now and then. I barely absorbed anything that class and professor Marshall must’ve noticed, because he didn’t call for me the entire class.

Thankfully.

But now I feel better and am going to make up for my lack of attention last class. While the the class can be pretty gore, it has become my favorite class, partially because I really like professor Marshall.

No wait, solely because I like professor Marshall.

I don’t want to admit it, but I kinda went out of my way to look presentable for class. I spend my entire life being invisible, unnoticed, but that’s not the case in this class. It’s nice to be acknowledged (I could do without Fitzgerald, who continues to creepily stare from a distance). I put on some lipstick, that matches my blush pink sweater.

Professor Marshall looks up from his notes when I walk in the lecture hall, one corner of his mouth curled up a bit. ‘Morning,’ he says, his tone low and brass.

‘Good morning,’ I say softly, walking towards my assigned seat. Since last class happened in a blur, I am going to pay extra attention to this one.

It is hard though, to focus. We have to understand the crime scene, trying to dissect what happened exactly. However, all the blood, fake or not, makes me want to vomit. I swallow hard and thankfully professor Marshall is skipping over me.

Until…

‘Miss Townsend,’ the professor says, ‘overlap between the victims. I want at four points.’

Four points? Is he for real? That’s a lot. I hate that I made a sort of good point the first class. I have to live up to that expectation now.

Think, Penny, think. ‘All victims are fathers,’ I start, ‘white collar workers and have a brunette wife.’ I try to remember what he told us about and what I read prior to this class. ‘They had affairs with someone they worked with, someone who worked a job that paid less than theirs.’

‘And what does that tell you?’

‘The killer has a type,’ I say, but from the looks of it, he wants more. ‘The victims are carefully picked out, maybe because… These men remind the killer of someone?’

He nods. ‘Exactly.’

I let out a deep relieved sigh, knowing that there is a possibility that he won’t pick me again. I see Fitzgerald looking over his shoulder, to basically gawk at me. He is going out of his way to say intelligent stuff during classes, but everything that leaves his lips is… Bullshit.

After the class ended, I stay for a bit, because of course I have another question. I might not be entirely stupid, but academically gifted is not applicable to me. ‘Professor Marshall,’ I say, as I walk towards him.

‘Miss Townsend,’ he says, ‘you did well today in class.’

‘Oh.’ Stupid me, blushing again. ‘Thank you. I have another question about the assignment.’

‘Why?’

Did he seriously just asked me why? I start to stammer a bit, taken aback from his retort.  How am I supposed to answer that? Maybe just stick with the truth? ‘Because I don’t understand.’

‘What don’t you understand?’

‘The case I chose,’ I say.

‘You have time at four?’ he asks. ‘To meet me in my office? I can help you out.’

I nod with a smile. I am going to his office! ‘Yes, thank you, sir.’

‘Where are your glasses?’ he asks, placing the presenter on the table.

He noticed that I wasn’t wearing my glasses today? Is it because I look stupid without them? ‘In my bag,’ I answer. ‘I sometimes switch between lenses and glasses. Why?’

Professor Marshall shrugs. ‘Just wondering. See you at four. Sharp.’

✎ ✎ ✎

I knock on professor Marshall’s office door at four sharp (I mean, he felt the need to emphasis it, so I should be on time, right?) and he says: ‘Come in.’ I open the door, to see him sitting behind his desk.

‘Is that… a chair?’ I ask, pointing to the pretty comfortable looking chair on the my side of the desk.

Professor Marshall nods. ‘I didn’t want you to stand,’ he says. ‘Don’t get used to it though. I plan on removing this thing as soon as you leave.’ He smirks. ‘It gives me the creeps. I usually don’t like people hanging around  in my office. Whether that is at NYU or the MPD.’

I take a seat and blink my eyes a few times. Gosh, I don’t think I have ever wore my lenses this long and they start to hurt a bit. Just keep them in for a few more moments. Be subtle. ‘My question is about the literature.’

Professor Marshall tilts his head. ‘Are you okay, miss— Penny?’

Apparently I’m not at all subtle. ‘Just my lenses, that’s it.’

‘You can take them out. Please, go ahead.’

Thankfully I brought my stuff with me and I grab my bag, searching for my glasses and lenses case. ‘The literature that is required for the assignment… There isn’t a list provided by you and I have a hard time finding some.’ I remove one of my lenses and continue to take out the other. Gosh, the relief. I put the glasses on and place both cases in the backpack.

‘I can email you a list of literature you can use,’ he says. ‘Why is it giving you difficulties?’

I shrug. ‘I don’t know, professor.’

‘Walter,’ he says.

Huh? ‘Excuse me, what?’

‘It’s after school,’ he continues, ‘so you can quit with calling me professor and start calling me Walter, okay?’

Walter. Seems so personal, so intimate. Not complaining at all, if I’m being honest. I nod. ‘Okay, I’ll try.’

‘Why did you choose psychology, Penny?’ he asks.

That’s a deep question. It’s almost like a first date (if I have to believe the movies, because yours truly never went on a date in her life). Why does he even care? ‘My parents thought it was important I went to university. They wanted me to become a doctor or lawyer, but I’m not that intellectually gifted. Besides, psychology might give me more of an idea of who I am or what I am. I traveled after high school, hoping to figure out who I am, but so far, no luck.’

Professor Marshall nods. ‘And you think criminology is gonna help you with that?’

I chuckle. ‘No, it’s not. Originally, I wanted to go for the child psychology course, to see if I could understand myself better through that, but I missed the enrolling date. It was either criminology or animal behavior.’

‘Animal behavior? That’s a course?’

‘Mhm.’

He nods. ‘Well, you’re really good in criminology,’ he says. ‘We could’ve used you in the force.’

I run my fingers through my hair and smile nervously. ‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘You noticed the droopy eyelid. Took detectives long enough before they realized that.’

‘Lucky guess.’

Professor Marshall leans back in his seat. ‘You’ve got to stop undermining yourself,’ he notes. ‘You are sharp, notice the details. You have a lot of potential, in this field or any other. I think you just don’t know it yet.’

My cheeks heat up. Is he saying what I think he is saying? ‘Really?’

He nods. ‘Really,’ he confirms. The professor keeps looking at me, but weirdly enough I don’t feel uncomfortable. ‘Tell me something what you want to find out about yourself.’

I clear my throat. ‘I don’t know yet.’

‘Tell me something about yourself then,’ he says. ‘Something that’s a foundation for who you are.’

I bite my lip and try to think of something. What is a foundation of who I am? ‘Well,’ I say, after contemplating for a moment or two, ‘I was adopted after I was left at a Catholic church doorstep when I was few hours old. I was brought to a hospital, where they found out I was a premature baby with heroin in my blood. They never discovered who my parents were.’

‘Oh, Penny,’ he says. ‘I’m so sorry.’

He is sorry for me? I bite my lip, before I say: ‘My adoptive parents are sweet, they really are, but I’m scared sometimes.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, because if I’m that unloveable at a few hours old, I bet I’ll become that later on, you know? Especially when they will find out that I might not even work in this field, because it’s not where my heart is.’

He places his underarms on his desk, folding his hands together. ‘You’re not unloveable,’ he says in a soft tone, ‘you could never be.’

I smile. ‘We’ll just have to see about that.’

The professor squints his eyes for a few seconds, almost as if he is trying to figure me out without asking anymore questions. ‘Tell me, what field has your heart?’

‘Cosmetology school,’ I say. ‘I know, a huge downgrade from this, but… I love stuff like that.’

He is smiling at me. ‘It’s not a downgrade,’ he says, his town a bit lower than before. ‘I bet you would be great at it.’

I clear my throat, a bit taken aback by the impromptu therapy session. ‘Thank you, Walter, for answering my questions. I feel like I’m bombarding you with questions to a point where it gets annoying.’

He shakes his head. ‘Don’t you worry about it, you could never annoy me.’ He grabs a piece of paper and writes something down on it, as I stand up. ‘Here.’

‘What’s that?’

‘My number. If you have another question or anything else, you can always text or call me.’

✎ ✎ ✎

Of course I have another question. Is it inappropriate to ask this much time and attention of your professor? I almost think it is, but I really want to understand the assignment and my other teachers aren’t as nice as Walter.

While I wish I wasn’t doing this entire major, I do want to prove myself, especially in my criminology class. I don’t want to let him down.

Oh my, have I taken an interest in my professor? That would be improper behavior, right? Isn’t this totally illegal?

Well, my feelings aren’t and he does not feel the same way, so nothing will happen anyway. No need to think about the illegality of the situation when it’ll never get that far.

I grab my phone nonetheless and the piece of paper and add him to my contacts as Walter. I check his profile picture. It’s a slightly blurry photo of Walter sitting in a police car, but even through the blurry pixels, I can still recognize him. The same type of sweater. The messy curls, the beard and the deep frown between his thick brows.

Me: Professor Marshall, can I ask you something?

Me: This is Penny btw

Walter: What did I tell you, Penny?

Me: Oh, I’m sorry

Me: Walter

Walter: Atta girl

My eyes widen as I read his text, while my heart skips a few beats. ‘Oh,’ I whisper to myself. This is making me slightly giddy. What is happening here?

Walter: What’s your question?

Me: I’m still having troubles with the literature

Me: You know what? I’m sorry, I am totally asking to much of your time and I shouldn’t do that.

Me: Forget it, I’m sorry

Walter: No, no, no, Penny, it’s alright.

Walter: I gave you my number, remember?

Me: Right…

Walter: The literature is your only question?

Me: Yes

Me: It’s just a lot and I don’t know which piece of literature is applicable to my case

Walter: You had case four, right?

Me: Yes

Walter: I’ll send you a list of the literature you can use

Me: You sure it’s not too much?

Walter: I’m sure

✎ ✎ ✎

During my counseling skills class I am in the back of the lecture hall and heavily distracted. This professor is incredibly boring and really enjoys hearing himself talk. However, I’m occupied enough. Since there is no on behind or next to me, I open another tab on my laptop, to see I have yet another message from Walter.

Yes, I said Walter. I’m not in class, so it’s not professor Marshall.

Walter: Still in class?

Me: Yes, still am.

Me: What are you doing?

Walter: Consulting on a case for the NYP

Me: Do you miss working for the police force?

Walter: I do

Me: Why aren’t you working for the police now?

Walter: I’m suspended

Me: Do I want to know what you did?

Walter: I may or may not have yelled at some guy, thrown around some chairs during interrogation.

Walter: Thanks to me we solved the case though

Me: Remind me to always be on your good side 😅 😅

Walter: You are, Penny

Walter: Don’t you worry 😉

Me: Do you enjoy being a teacher?

Walter: No, not in the slightest

Walter: How are your assignments holding up?

Me: It’s going okay… It’s just a lot.

Walter: I bet

Me: It kinda feels like I’m drowning

Me: Already

Walter: You need help?

Me: I can’t ask that of you

Walter: You didn’t ask, I offered.

Me: Okay detective 🙄

Walter: Did you just roll your eyes at me?

Me: No, sir, I didn’t 🙈

Walter: I can help you out, I promise

Me: Where?

Walter: My loft?

Me: Your loft?

Walter: Yes, I can pick you up from somewhere

Me: You have crime scene pictures around your place?

Walter: I’ll have them gone by the time you get there

[kyeomunism]

The Phoenix Ymbryne ||  Millard Nullings

Pairing: Millard Nullings x Fem!Reader

Devil’s Acre Era (includes events in TDODA)

Word Count: 2.3k words

Summary: You are a peculiar who can take the form of a Phoenix. Wights were a constant threat until an invisible boy takes you to your new home. Getting to know him made you realize your purpose and the worth of all you’ve been through.

A/n: this fic includes South-East Asian references and i wrote it in a way you’ll learn easily. so whatever your race is, step inside Y/n’s boots and enjoy this adventure fluff. 

︵‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・༺❀༻・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ︵‿︵‿︵

1900, Manila

The gust of wind rustling the forest almost silenced your pounding heart, but not quite. You transformed into a blazing bird and shoot through the bright sky, searching the brown earthen hues below. Your bird form made you an easy target, knowing that the wights after you have hunting guns; but your bird form also allowed you to scan the forest with your peculiar intuition. You could detect souls and sense their objectives. As you fly towards the outskirts of the woods, you located the two wights running away.

Suddenly, you felt another soul wandering through the thickets. A lone, pure heart, a good aura that you wouldn’t expect right after getting chased by blank-eyed monsters. Driven by curiosity, you roamed above the trees where you felt the presence. It was a floating map. You perched on a branch and watched the huge map turn, as if being held by a person. You looked from another angle at it revealed a floating suit and trousers. Carefully eyeing the subject and its pavement shoes leaving a calculated trail, there was only one word you can fathom: peculiar.

It had been over half a century since you’ve seen another peculiar, and it fascinated you how you couldn’t actually see this one. You continued watching the invisible who seem to be looking for something; a landmark? a person? a girl who can turn into a two-feet-tall fiery bird? If it was the latter, you knew you couldn’t easily trust someone, even if your intuition screamed this person’s good intentions.

You flew towards your house by the river, and judging by the angle of the floating clothes below, you knew you’ve been spotted. The moment you reached your home, you transformed back to your sixteen year-old body and slipped in a floor length skirt, a white sleeved shirt made from pineapple fabrics, and a scarf around your neck. You prepared hot chocolate in case that invisible peculiar pays a visit.

It only took a few minutes until you heard a knock on your door. Reluctantly, you opened it to reveal the same floating clothes that seemed to belong to the western world.

"Who are you?"

"Millard Nullings, at your service." A voice of a teenage boy spoke up. You moved aside to allow him enter your home, saying your name as you lead him to the drawing room. At first, you thought it was going to be painfully awkward, but it immediately changed into a pleasant, curious atmosphere when his body headed straight towards the ancient maps on your walls, as if being pulled by a magnet.

"Thank you, this place is incredibly interesting. For the longest time I thought these maps were never to be found again," Millard said as he took the hot chocolate from your hand while staring at the walls.

"These are from my old ymbryne. She was a real treasure," you said, standing beside him. "It shows hundreds of ancient loops across Asia. I wouldn't have found my current home without these maps. Oh, and Millard... may I ask how did you get here?"

"The wights after you were caught a while ago. This loop is marked empty in A Map of Days, so catching two of Caul's followers in here is intriguing. It wasn't long until I found the entrance after leapfrogging through a parallel loop nearby."

Brushing off more questions in your head, you offered him a seat and took sips of hot chocolate.

"Perplexus wasn't wrong when he marked this loop empty," you said. Millard's head most likely whipped up at the mention of the famous cartographer.

You smiled at this and continued. "When my old loop was raided, my ymbryne suggested this small loop. It was an empty peculiar menagerie. I suspect a dozen peculiar animals used to live here with all the traces I've found. But for over fifty years, I haven't seen any peculiarity in this area." You turn your head towards the window. "Past those Cacao trees is the membrane of the loop. A small provincial village with normal people, normal chickens, and a normal carabao. So seeing you here feels more surreal than it sounds," you admitted.

"What about your bird?" he asked, "that tall phoenix flying around the woods?"

A twinge of realization came over you and you sigh, reluctant to admit your peculiarity.

"That was me," you say finally.

"What! You can turn into a phoenix? You're an ymbryne?" Millard's voice was a mix of astonishment and confusion.

"How else did you think I manage to revive this loop?" You smiled.

"I just thought ymbrynes' bird forms are supposed to be inconspicuous. But you were...incredibly remarkable."

Your cheeks heated up at the comment and you divert your gaze with a soft chuckle.

"That baffled me as well, that's why I only transform in important situations. Locals believed me to be a magical bird, thus driving many hunters' attention. My bird form is known as Adarna. Similar to a phoenix, but distinct in certain features."

"Adarna? I've never heard of that kind of bird before."

"It is a famous folklore bird in the Philippines. There are stories about it, even in the Tales of the Peculiar." You stood and picked up an old children's book on the bookshelf across the room. You handed it to Millard, which you assume, made him smile.

"This is an ancient version indeed. I annotate many of the Tales but I've never seen this before. Would you mind letting me borrow this?" You couldn't bring yourself to say no to him, so you insisted he could keep it. Stating that you didn't need a copy, having memorized it for the longest time.

After minutes of discussion, you noticed how he got so excited in the topic of maps, history and his friends. It felt like you were listening to a teacher who loved his work, and you weren't complaining as you found this adorable. You were both having good laughs with Millard's stories, until he finally said, "I trust you expect a reassurance that the wights wouldn't trouble you anymore, but we can't be certain."

Your eyebrows furrowed at this, "what are you planning?"

"To take you to Devil's Acre."

You were surprised and slightly taken aback. He must've seen the faraway look on your face so he continues, "Y/n, you don't have to go now. I can just leave you a detailed map to help you reach the panloopticon anytime."

You paced around the drawing room. "So you're letting me go there alone?"

“If that's what you like, yes. I don't want to rush you into leaving your home, but I’ll feel much better if you let me take you there myself." His British drawl made your throat dry, you could only nod.

"I'll take my time to think about it, but as soon as the wights come near this area, I'll head to your loop for safety." You decided it's only smart to stay home until real danger emerge, despite how much you'd like to go with Millard. "Why don't you stay here for a while?"

"That can be a problem. You see, my ymbryne left me with strict rules..."

"You weren't supposed to be here, aren't you?"

You both just laughed at this.

A while later, a loud commotion started in the other side of the loop membrane. Villagers were screaming and animals were flocking away.

"Was that a regular noise within your loop?"

"For fifty years of living this exact same day over and over again, I can assure you that was most unnatural." You got up and pocketed an old but sharp dagger as Millard packed the maps and the book you gave him.

"Those are certainly Wights looking for their other comrades. We ought to flee this place now," he said.

You both slipped through the backdoor towards the river, careful not to trip into the mud. When you reach the bamboo raft, he held your hand and made sure you wouldn't lose balance. This gesture, however, made you lose your composure instead.

"You seem nervous, is it the raft? Should I let you cross the river first?"

"No, no, it's safe," you said as you both stood on the either side of the raft, trying not to slip as you crossed the river holding tall pieces of bamboo to keep yourselves steady. "I guess I just feel sad that I'm leaving home for good," you say. It was true, but you couldn't bring yourself to admit that he made you flustered.

"I understand that this loop may close permanently as you leave," he said, "but in the Devil's Acre, you may train with other ymbrynes ang get the chance to create new loops, have wards of your own—"

"Train with other ymbrynes?" You exclaimed as the raft reached the other side of the river.

"Yes, they're rather lovely. Miss Avocet and all the other ymbrynes would love to guide you. I also believe my friends will celebrate your company. Horace will cook feast, Olive and Claire will surely entertain you, oh," he said, clearly excited, "the celebration will never be enough!"

"Are you kidding me?" You laughed soundlessly as you headed towards the forest. "Your presence alone is more than enough."

He did not reply anything for a moment and you bit your lip. Millard lead the way to another loop that was connected to the panloopticon. It was a silent but surprisingly comfortable walk. He told you to watch your steps in some parts of the forest and you give every useful information you had about your homeland.

"There it is, come here, y/n." He spotted the portal door propped amongst the old trenches of the place that was once bloodstained by war.

Shivers crawled down your spine as you paced forward. Millard noticed your uneasy expression and ran circles on your knuckles. "You can tell me if you don't want to come," he whispered gently, "we'll figure out another way if you're ever uncomfortable."

"Thank you, but I really want to go with you. I want to meet your family and read your books." A smile painted its way on your face just thinking about it.

Without another question, he lead you through the door while gripping your hand. You held your breath and let him guide your steps. His fingers traced your forehead and you opened your eyes.

═ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ═

1886, London

"Where are we?" You stare at the plain, unfamiliar bedroom infront of you.

"The third floor of panloopticon," Millard said with a relieved sigh. "We just crossed half the world in a matter of seconds, I trust the kitchen will have something to ease our loop-lag."

Without even thinking about it, you pulled him in a hug. He caught his breath and wrapped his arms around you as you feel tears streaming down your face. You missed your country but don't regret being with this boy at all. "Thank you," you managed to whisper.

It had been less than a week since you first arrived. Millard's friends were the kindest people you have ever met. The first time you saw Miss Peregrine, she was furious at Millard for running off without permission, but her mood changed when she met you and realized you were an ymbryne too. You were immediately recruited in Miss Avocet's academy and made friends with many other people in the Acre. You get along very well with Miss Wren who was interested in your peculiarity and the fact that you lived in a menagerie loop in Asia.

Desolations came and you stayed in the Ditch House with Millard reading books for you. While it was raining blood, bones and ashes outside, you were having the time of your life with your new family.

You stayed in the Academy while the rest of Miss Peregrine's wards take on their adventure to France, giving all your best wishes for Millard.

You fought in the battle of the Devil's Acre and tended to the injured with the other ymbrynes-in-training. When you heard the news that Caul was defeated, you were elated and incredibly happy.

You were one of the ninety-five peculiars who broke loop-bound in Jacob's house. You could finally go anywhere you like without the fear of aging forward rapidly, and Millard promised many trips with you, you could only shut him up with a peck on the cheek.

═ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ═

1940, Cairnholm

So many good things happened to you that week, but nothing could beat the joy you felt when you found out that the ymbrynes-in-training are to live with Miss Cuckoo, and Miss Peregrine and her wards in Cairnholm.

You stare at the dog roses in Fiona's garden, you were filled with mixed emotions and wanted a quiet time. All of them are celebrating inside the house; all except Millard, who was wearing a velvet smoking jacket for the occasion.

"It's beautiful here," you said while watching his clothes head your way, "you must be happy that you're home."

"You are my home," he said sincerely, now standing in front of you.

You couldn't grab any witty reply, in fact, you couldn't find any words at all. You knew you were blushing ferociously by now.    

"Mind if I talk to you about something that's been bothering me for a while?" He broke the silence and you nod at him.

"With everything we went through these past weeks, I found myself hoping to stay alive."

You stifled a laugh. "Isn't that a good thing? Wishing you'd survive?"

"That's the point, I wanted to stay alive, not just because we ought to take surviving as a priority, but because I can't get you out of my mind."

Your face went blank. "What do you mean, Millard?"

"I wish it was a choice, but it wasn't. I fell in love with you, Y/n. I'd love you for as long as time."

"And we have time," you reassured him, "I love you too," and with that, he kissed you.

Both smiling into the kiss, you leaned against each other, swaying in the breeze of the garden and basking in each other's presence forevermore.

[sleepynobie]

seelie | childe x reader

(A/N: It's been a while since the last time I write so it takes time to get the feel back but yeah, I'm obsessed with this game so enjoy!)

This isn't what Childe expects on his first hangout with you after being busy for a while.

A sigh escapes his lips as he starts to reminiscing the first time he hung out with you. It all began when Childe happened to meet you during his free time and he decided to invite you to have lunch together. Well, you were suspicious of him at first because you thought he had an ulterior motive. But then when he said he's going to pay for the meal, that thought quickly dissipates as you agree to have lunch with him. That doesn't mean you didn't have your guard up as you didn't fully trust him. But eventually after hundreds of free meals, you begin to loosen up to him.

To conclude, you start to see him as a friend that he doesn't even need to bribe you with a free meal (but he still pays for it anyway), and as much as he doesn't want to admit, he begins to fall for you. So, when he suddenly gets busy with his work and unable to hang out with you, he realises how much he misses hanging out with you. That's why he's so excited about today's hangout.

But then out of nowhere, this so-called 'seelie' appears and steals your attention away from him. For God sake, the entire conversation of this lunch has been about it to the point he starts to get sick of it. Besides, is that really a seelie? Why would this Ulman guy just leave it on your care when he only met you for the first time? Unless he actually knows you and has an ulterior motive?! And what baffles him is how you casually accept it just because it's cute?! Anyway, he'll need to keep an eye on the seelie and start researching about Ulman-

"Aww, isn't (seelie's name) just the cutest?" Childe snaps out of his thought when he notices that your seelie approaches him and tries to gain his attention.

He frowns for a moment and has his guard up because he's still suspicious of your seelie which makes it flinch and flies back to you. But at the same time, he also doesn't miss the opportunity to flirt with you as he smiles at you "Hmm... I think you're the cutest one instead of that, (Name)"

A slight blush starts to appear as you get flustered for a moment. But then you notice how he doesn't call your seelie with its name that you frown at him "It's (seelie's name), call it properly"

"Okay, okay" Childe replies nonchalantly before pouting while looking at your seelie "You know, I'm still not convinced if (seelie's name) is really a seelie and not dangerous at all"

You sigh "Come on Childe, aren't you being overly suspicious? I've been with (seelie's name) for a while and it has been a great companion and comfort whenever I'm down"

"It's not overly suspicious. I'm being cautious for your sake, (Name)" He says in defence before turning his attention to Paimon who has been focusing on eating her food throughout the conversation "and what about Paimon?"

Paimon stops and looks at you with an expectant look as you look at her before replying to him.

"She's an emergency food"

"What?! Paimon is not an emergency food!"

"Ouch. Rest in peace, Paimon" He says and looks at her with pity which makes her look annoyed.

"I'm kidding. Of course, she has been a great companion too" You say before grinning at Paimon which she huffs in response and complains at how you're being mean to her.

"Anyway, I don't trust (seelie's name) alright?" Childe says "It might have been an act to let your guard down so when you're completely defenceless, it definitely uses the opportunity to attack you-"

"Okay, that's just ridiculous" You object before looking at your seelie and patting it "I just can't imagine (seelie's name) is secretly an assassin"

He sighs exasperatedly and starts to feel irked about not only how you're defending your seelie so much, but also the fact that you don't care about how he's trying to look out for you "(Name), just because it's cute, doesn't mean it's completely harmless"

"Well, I have to disagree because (seelie's name) is the proof that it's cute and harmless"

"How do you know it's harmless?"

"Then, how do you know it's harmful?"

"I'm just saying it's highly possible that (seelie's name) is waiting for the right timing to hurt you. Have you learned anything from our first meeting, (Name)?"

"But (seelie's name) is different from you!" You exclaim as your anger has been building up and finally bursts out "You don't even take the time to get to know it and yet you're already assuming that it's dangerous. Did you even notice that it tried to be friend with you?"

Childe looks taken aback at your sudden outburst whereas Paimon and your seelie look terrified. Meanwhile, you try to calm yourself down as you take a deep breath before explaining calmly "To be honest, I was so excited to introduce (seelie's name) to you because I thought you two can be friends so it can remember you. I didn't tell you this but (seelie's name) can detect treasures and now enemies if they're nearby. So, I was thinking if it remembers you, maybe it can let me know if you're nearby"

You start to look slightly embarrassed at how you're basically confessing your feelings but you prefer to be honest about it so you continue "As much as I don't want to admit, I miss hanging out with you alright because you're the only that I can banter with. The more we get to know each other, the more I realise how we're like on the same frequency even though ironically we're enemies. But we've decided to not drag our background into this if we're friends right? So, I'm not going to associate with Fatui"

Childe who has been listening to you, starts to feel guilty and ashamed at how his jealousy takes over his consideration to befriend your seelie. But then, when you begin talking about your feelings about him, that catches him off guard because he never expects you to feel that way.

"Besides, people normally don't try to rebuild their trust to someone because they've been betrayed once and that was me before. But ever since I met your brother and how persistent you were in trying to spend time with me, I got to learn more about you and I just decided to give you a second chance" You say before smiling "Since we're friends now, shouldn't you try to trust me that (seelie's name) is not dangerous? Even if it ends up dangerous, it doesn't hurt you anyway because it's completely my fault for not listening to you-"

You suddenly stop explaining and look surprised when you look at him because Childe's face reddens out of the blue. He quickly looks away when he meets you in the eye which makes you look confused but also thinks that it's cute since you never see this side of him.

"Woah, Childe's face looks like the Jueyun chili" Paimon suddenly says as she has been watching you two because she's too afraid to say anything. That ruins the moment as you stifle a laugh before eventually laughing when you can't hold it anymore. Childe who was feeling guilty, then touched and overwhelmed due to your confession, and now embarrassed because Paimon just had to say that. But thanks to her, the serious atmosphere tones down and he feels a little calmer before looking at you.

"Well umm... I'll start with an apology because like you said, I was being inconsiderate to (seelie's name)" He says and looks at your seelie apologetically before returning his attention to you "Honestly, I was also the same as you because I looked forward to hanging out with you again because I realised how much I miss spending time with you during my free time. It's the only time when I feel like I'm being who I am and how it feels like to hang out with your friends"

Suddenly, he starts to feel embarrassed at what he's going to say as he can't help but look away from you while resting his cheek on his palm "But I just felt disappointed when you only talked about (seelie's name) and care so much about it. I guess I just felt unfair since it takes your attention away from me"

There's an awkward silence for a moment because you still try to understand what he just said while the silence makes Childe even feel more embarrassing.

"So... you're saying that you're jealous of (seelie's name)?" You finally reply and Childe is feeling called out because that's basically what it is.

".... Yeah.." He responds almost inaudible.

"Oh" You merely say for a moment before smirking "You want me to dote on you?"

"That line sounds familiar.." Paimon says to herself while a blush comes up to Childe's face because he gets caught off guard. Again.

"So that's why he likes to flirt huh" You thought to yourself as you find it fun to do before Childe calms himself down by clearing his throat and changes the topic.

"Anyway, it's settled now. Although, I don't think (seelie's name) wants to approach me again"

"I think it will open up to you if you approach it first" You smile and he blushes slightly before trusting your words as he raises his hand forward to try to pat it. Your seelie looks unsure for a moment but you reassure it that Childe doesn't mean anything bad and it trusts you. It lets Childe touch its head and he looks surprised at how soft and squishy it is, similarly to a slime.

"See? How can you say that it's dangerous" You sigh "You're overreacting, like a child"

"Can you stop using my name as a pun?" He starts to look irked which startles your seelie and he quickly apologises to it.

"Aww you two are finally friends" You smile proudly and give a pat to your seelie and to Childe which irks him even more.

"Now, you're treating me like a kid"

"But you want attention right? I give you attention" You smirk mischievously.

He frowns at you and grabs your hand to get it off from his head before he leans closer to you with a smirk "Maybe you can give me something else instead"

You start blushing but you know that he's being a flirt again so this time, you're not gonna back down. Your seelie starts to panic as it thinks that you're gonna fight again but thanks to Paimon, the tension breaks again.

"Are you guys going to kiss or something?"

The two of you blush furiously and immediately say no to her.

"How do you even know about kissing?" You sweatdrop.

"Anyway, I hope we can be friends, (seelie's name)" Childe smiles at your seelie and it looks excited as it suddenly extends its ears before twirling around. You smile happily as you watch the two of them bonding together and thankfully the hangout ends well.

Bonus

"You don't really need to pay for the meal, you know?" Childe sighs since he wants to pay for the meal but you quickly take over to pay.

"It's okay, I mean I almost ruined our hangout so" You grin.

"I thought we're going to get a free meal" Paimon sighs in disappointment "Free meals taste better"

"Paimon..." Your expression immediately changes to the one where you're going to scold her.

Childe chuckles before smiling "I'll treat you guys next time alright?"

"Yes please!" Paimon replies excitedly while you just sweatdrop at her before sighing.

"Anyway, I'm gonna head back to the bank so I'll see you guys again when I see you" He says and pats your seelie which makes you look happy at how they get along.

"Okay" You nod "But before you go, let me tell you something"

"What is it?" He looks confused.

"I said that (seelie's name) is the cutest but just today, I found that you're cuter than (seelie's name)" You smile innocently while Childe looks flustered at the sudden flirt and he's not used to it.

"I still think you're the cutest" He merely replies before turning around to leave "Anyway, I'm going so see ya"

"Alright see ya" You wave your hand before laughing in enjoyment at how you like making Childe get flustered. Now he can relate to how you feel when he flirts with you.

[formenis]

Rain

Anon asked: “ Can you do a one-shot were reader is Light's sister and secretly in a relationship with L and she spends the night with L at HQ for the first time and Light catches her leaving L's bedroom and confronts her and L in front of the whole Task Force“

A/N: sure dear. But since in the manga L and Light were handcuffed together at the HQ, I changed a bit the location so this one-shot is set in the hotel we can all see in the anime.

Again, sorry if you find mistakes in my stories, English is not my first language.

pairing: L x Light’s sister!reader

warning: none

requested: yes

H/L = hair length

H/C = hair colour

F/C = favourite colour

E/C = eye colour

Y/A = your alias

The third Yagami. Why did nobody talk about her? Y/N Yagami: H/L hair in a shining H/C shade, excellent scholastic career and charming personality. Few years younger than Light and older than Sayu, she was as smart as Light, as perfect as her older brother despite the tiny age gap so why she wasn't on everyone's lips like him? Simple, because she liked something called discretion.

Y/N Yagami never liked being under the spotlight (A/N: ahah did you get the joke here?). She was an excellent student yes, Soichiro and Sachiko's pride, but she didn’t show it off.

Y/N, Light and Sayu had a special bond. They would do everything for each other, they were one the confidant of the other. However, since the end of November 2003 Light started to act strange. He would spend more time in his room than with Y/N or Sayu and both of her didn’t know the reason. He was more distant and colder with her too and this made Sayu a bit sad.

But, as we said before, Y/N loved discretion. Something happened to her too. She met someone. It was a strange encounter, Y/N admitted it.

♰ FLASHBACK ♰

It was another rainy day at Tokyo but Y/N had her F/C umbrella in her bag. Luckily it wasn’t that heavy so she was pretty confident she would reach home all dry.

Wrong. Not much after she left the Daikoku Private Academy (her high school), a heavy shower poured on her and the tiny pocket-sized umbrella could do precious little. Fortunately, a nearby bakery had a big awning and she ran towards it searching for a shelter.

«Damn…such a timing…» she wasn’t wet but that rain bothered her a lot since that afternoon she wanted to go at the tennis field with Light.

Y/N closed the umbrella and turned to take a look at the shop window of that bakery. In front of her a large variety of sweets, cookies, cakes, ice-creams, candies scattered all together on a table. She frowned finding it quite strange.

«Why on a table?» she asked mostly at herself since she was alone under the awning. However, she soon realised it was not the bakery's shop window but the table of one of the many clients. Then, from behind a black cherry double layer cake, appeared a head of a young man with messy black hair. Y/N observed how greedily that man was eating the cake: in one bite he ate almost half slice of that cake.

She opened her E/C eyes wide at that sight. Were all those sweets only for him? He would get a stomach ache and a cavity if he decided to eat all those sugary delights.

Another good look at the guy and Y/N, if it was possible, would open even wider her eyes: a very slim, pale, young man with messy neck-length black hair and black eyes; those eyes had a deep shadow below them, maybe his sleep was too much overwrought. Y/N noticed how simple his clothes were: a pair of blue jeans and a long-sleeved white shirt. Nothing more, nothing less.

But two things caught Y/N attention: first, his posture. He seemed to prefer to crouch rather than sit. And second, the way he was holding those sweets, using only a thumb and a finger. For someone as Y/N Yagami, a guy like him was strange yet interesting at the same time. For some reason she wanted to know more about him.

He was going to eat what remained of the slice of cake when he turned his gaze at her. His look was so intense that made Y/N jump for the surprise. However, she got hypnotised by those eyes, so deep black and apparently empty.

They kept staring at each other for a while, none of them looked away or blinked. It was only when someone spoke near Y/N's ear that she snapped back in the real world.

«Y/N, what are you doing here?» it was Light with his usual serious voice. When Y/N looked at him she noticed he was still wearing the Daikoku's uniform.

«Light!» she turned her body fully at him. «I was waiting the rain to stop»

«It stopped ten minutes ago, we're waiting for you at home»

Ten minutes ago? For how much time Y/N and that guy stared at each other then? She apologised to Light and before leaving the bakery's awning she looked inside one more time but she didn’t see that weird boy anymore.

♰ BACK TO THE PRESENT ♰

Since that particular encounter, Y/N met few more times that guy. Especially at the To-Oh University where Y/N was present at a tennis match between that guy and Light. Of course Light won and his little sister couldn’t be happier.

One day, back at that specific bakery where the two saw each other for the first time, Y/N was enjoying a break from her studies with a cup of tea and some sweets when she felt a presence beside her.

«Good afternoon, Miss. May I have a seat?» a warm and monotone voice spoke not much far from her. When Y/N turned towards the source of that voice she couldn’t hide the surprise in finding that same weird guy! What was his name…ah, something like Hideki Ryuga, like the idol. Sayu loved that actor.

Y/N looked around the shop noticing many empty tables so she found it very strange. However, she gestured him the chair in front of her and he sat down. Well, the correct expression was "he crouched" since he didn’t sit like a normal person.

«I noticed you took all the remaining daifuku» (A/N: "daifuku" = a Japanese confection consisting of a small round mochi (glutinous rice cake) stuffed with sweetened red bean paste made from azuki beans. They could be white, pale green, or pale pink-coloured).

«It's because they're my favourite sweets»

Shortly after that a waiter walked closer and took Hideki's order and few minutes later that same waiter brought a cup of tea and a large slice of strawberry shortcake. The two of them stood in silence for a while until Y/N decided to end that embarrassing situation.

«I saw you at the To-Oh…great match» Y/N took a sip of her tea, the steam warmed her face.

«Thank you. Light Yagami was a great rival back then. Aren't you too young for the University?»  he asked tilting his head in confusion, the thumb was pressed against his pale lips. «Oh my, the manners. I'm Hideki Ryuga»

«Like the idol?» Y/N asked surprised.

«Yes» Hideki replied and then he devoured in one bite an entire daifuku.

Of course Y/N didn’t believe him. Sure, it could be true that this guy shared the same name with someone else. However, Y/N had a strange feeling.

«I'm Y/A» she ate a daifuku, a pale-green one.

«Only Y/A?»

«Yes»

Unaware of Y/N, Hideki's gaze darkened. He knew exactly who Y/N was and the fact that she used an alias much like him made grow a strange excitement inside him. That was going to be fun.

♰ TIME SKIP ♰

It went without saying that Y/N and Hideki (or Ryuzaki as he wanted to be called) created a special, deep tie. Something completely different from the connection with Light and Sayu. Between Y/N and Ryuzaki there was understanding, complicity and empathy; they completed each other sentences and their way of reasoning was the same. This bond became even stronger when Ryuzaki revealed he was the greatest detective L. Y/N suspected that he was hiding something but she couldn’t imagine something like that.

Soon they could consider themselves in a romantic relationship. The fact that Y/N was Light's sister could be a problem but not for L. The two of them had a personal way to show love and affection: whispering sweet nothings in each other ears, lacing their fingers together when nobody was looking or gently running a hand over each other’s back or arm. In public they were quite discrete as Y/N requested. However, one day this discretion broke irremediably.

«Are you sure? I mean…I'm Light's sister after all…»

«You're nothing like Light-kun, Y/N»

It was late afternoon, almost dinner time. Very soon Y/N should come back home but before that they had a couple of hours for themselves. Their relationship grew to such an extent that both of them were ready to take one step forward (if you what I mean).

«You're the exact opposite…your eyes don't have the same dangerous shadow as his» L raised the hand and touched Y/N's cheeks, the index finger traced every curve of her features as to register everything.

Y/N smiled leaning in the touch. She looked at him, E/C pools met black ones. After an endless minute, their faces became closer and closer until a kiss connected them. A first chaste and sweet kiss turned in something more passionate and rough, the hands started to roam around their bodies wanting more and more. And they had more those hours.

.

.

.

It was 7pm and Light had to walk back home with Y/N as often happened when she would come with him at Ryuzaki's hotel. The Yagami boy had a strange feeling about his sister: she was acting strange, she was so out of character. Nothing worrying but Light noticed this change in his sister.

He was searching for Y/N around the hotel, they had to meet near the elevator but she didn’t specify which one. That was what Light referred when he said "being out of character": Y/N would never forget a detail like that, he knew she was a precise person.

However, Light would discuss this later but in that moment he had to find his sister. He turned the corner and stopped abruptly at the sight in front of him: Y/N was kissing L on the lips in front of his bedroom.  Light kept staring at them in disbelief, horror and in rage. How dare L do such things with his sister? He was going to pay for this.

After the kiss, Y/N walked away from the bedroom leading towards the private lounge where the task-force worked. Maybe she wanted to say hi to Soichiro before leaving the hotel. Light followed her, his blood was boiling inside him. Now he had another good reason to kill Ryuzaki, at least from his point of view.

«Dad! Me and Light are leaving. Should we wait for you for dinner?»  

«No dear, I'll be late tonight. Be careful on your way home»

Light joined the task-force in the lounge shortly after Y/N. Everyone greeted him but he didn’t say anything. His younger sister found it quite weird.

«Are you alright, Light?»

«Of course, Y/N. Everything's fine…except for the fact I saw you»

«It's good to hear you don’t need glasses, Light…» Y/N tried to appear relaxed by using sarcasm but inside her she was panicking.

«I'm talking about the kiss with Ryuzaki» he crossed the arms while looking sharply at his sister.

«The what?!» Soichiro uttered in shock dropping all the papers on the ground. Even the rest of the task-force was shocked.

In that exact moment L entered the lounge and sat at his armchair ignoring everyone's gaze on him.

«Ryuzaki! Explain! Is it true you kissed my daughter?» Soichiro asked in a rush. His face was red but for rage or embarrassment? Who knew.

«Please Yagami-san, there's no need for these scenes» the greatest detective in the world replied monotone as always.

«Don’t tell me to stay calm, Ryuzaki!»

L sigh. «Light-kun, could you tell your father to stay calm please?»

«I won't say anything, Ryuzaki. However, I would rather an explanation»

«You don’t need explanations, Light. My life has nothing to do with you» Y/N crossed the arms as well, now quite bothered by both her father and brother.

«You cannot date Ryuzaki, Y/N!» Light said firmly.

«And please, may I know the reason?» Y/N counterattacked.

«Because he is way older than you!»

«Look who's talking…the boy who is dating a girl older than him…» Y/N was talking about Misa who was for real two years older than Light.

This back and forth continued for a while and the three Yagamis were raising too much their voices for L's taste. Luckily, the rest of the task-force was too terrified to interfere and kept following with the eyes the moves of Soichiro, Light and Y/N. After a while, L had enough.

«Light-kun, Yagami-san please…» he put down the discussion using his alluring and authoritative voice despite it was always so emotionless. However, Y/N discovered how passionate his voice could be just few hours before in his bedroom. «Have you even considered that your daughter is smart enough to understand what is the best for her? I understand that you, Yagami-san, as a father and you, Light-kun, as a brother were worried about Y/N's safety, but please evaluate her opinion too before making a fuss» L took from the pocket of his jeans a lollipop, he unwrapped it and started to eat it.

Light and Soichiro stopped arguing. At those words Soichiro was deep in thought while Light didn’t change his mind about that topic.  After five minutes of silence, Soichiro sighed.

«I want the best for her too…» he admitted. «And if you're the best for her, Ryuzaki, so be it»

«Dad!» Light protested but Soichiro raised a hand to stop him.

«I know you're worried, Light, but Ryuzaki is right. Y/N…are you sure about him?»

Y/N nodded with conviction. «Yes dad, I trust and love Ryuzaki with all my heart. I want to stay with him»

Soichiro smiled at her. «Good. But Ryuzaki!» he said out of nowhere pointing his index finger to the greatest detective in the world. «If you hurt Y/N in any way I'm going to arrest you!»

In the meantime, Light didn’t say a word. He was trying to elaborate a new plan after that sudden turn of events. When Y/N asked his opinion about that argument, he replied that as long as Ryuzaki treated her with love and respect he could consider the idea to accept that relationship.

But now that his sister and Ryuzaki were a couple, will he continue with his deadly plan?  

[captainhotch]

I’m Sorry | Aaron Hotchner

aaron hotchner x reader

prompt: “I have a boyfriend” + “I know, I’m saying you could have a husband.”

a/n; find the captain america quote :) also the prompt is from grey’s anatomy if you aren’t familiar

You smiled over at Thomas, fingers dancing over the keyboard as you finished filling out your last report from the case. It was a tough one with a happy ending— a few kids were reunited with their parents.

Luckily it was only a couple of hours away, making for a quick flight home where your boyfriend was waiting for you with Chinese takeout and a movie.

It was a newer relationship— he was the detective of a precinct just out of your district. He was a nice guy, simple and easy which you weren’t exactly used to.

You had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with your unit chief, Aaron Hotchner. He had ended things before they could get serious, in his words. Because for you they had gotten serious the moment you kissed.

And now here you were with a dull guy who wanted to work a 9-5 and live in a house with a white picket fence. He may have been your dream guy a couple of years ago... but now he felt like someone that you had nothing in common with. And you felt awful about it.

Thomas was a nice guy. One who deserved a wife and a dog—not an FBI agent who works more than she’s at home.. and oh, is in love with her boss. You looked over at Thomas, his eyes glued to the television—watching some old movie that you had never even heard of.

You closed the laptop, running a hand down your face. How had you gotten to this point?

You looked up when the tv paused, not realizing that you had zoned out completely.

“Is everything okay?” Thomas questioned.

You looked over at him and the genuine concern painted across his face. He didn’t deserve this— Thomas was nothing if not a good man.

“I don’t,” you began, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “—not really, no.”

He smiled softly, standing up from his spot on the couch and knelling down in front of you. Thomas took your hands in his, “I think I know what this is about.”

You willed down the tears that threatned to spill over, squeezing his hands. “You do?”

“I do. You’re not happy, I can see it. I can also see how bad you wanna be,” Thomas smiled softly, cradling your face in his hand, “and i want so badly to be the person who does that for you. But I’m not.”

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered, tears falling down your face, “you deserve someone who can love you with their full heart.”

“So do you,” Thomas replied, kissing the back of your palm, “you’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met— and if he can’t see that then he sure as hell doesn’t deserve your heart.”

Tears continued to slip out as you pulled Thomas in for a hug, squeezing him tightly. “I’m so so sorry.”

A few hours and you were still wide awake, trying to pay attention to the episode of Grey’s Anatomy that you had missed while on the case. Thomas had gone home after you profusely apologized for the mascara tracks on his hoodie.

Your eyes widened at the sound of knocking at your door. At three in the morning. You had been through enough cases to know where this was going. You quickly grabbed your gun from the side table, turning the television off and making your way to the front door.

Slowly your crept up, peaking your eyes through the peep hole— nearly pissing yourself when the person knocked again. You couldn’t help but to furrow your brows when you saw who stood on the other side. Aaron?

You opened the door with a frown, one arm crossed over your chest. “What the hell is going on? It’s 2 in the morning?”

“I don’t,” he paused, running a hand across his face, “—I mean I was in the neighborhood.”

You rolled your eyes, moving away from the door, “Goodnight Agent Hotchner.”

“Wait,” he sighed, grabbing your wrist, “I came to apologize. I was wrong.”

“Whatever Hotch, it’s fine. Goodnight.”

“Please, just let me say something, then you can slam the door in my face and go back to bed.”

You sighed, leaning your head back against the doorframe as you waited for him to speak. This was the last thing that you needed tonight.

“I owe you an apology.” He began, fiddling with his tie, “when you work in a job like ours, you never know what’s going to happen next. And as the leading authority of waiting too long— I don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve lost too many people I love without telling them. So here I am. Telling you.”

Your eyes watered as you looked up at him— and damn were you tired of crying. “What are you saying Aaron?”

He moved in closed, cradling your face in his much larger palm. “I’m saying that I love you and that I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“I have a boyfriend,” you smiled, tears slipping down your cheeks.

“I know,” he paused, “I’m saying that you could have a husband.”

You pulled back, hand on his arm as you stare in shock. “What?”

“I love you and I’m done pretending that I don’t because I’m scared. I’ll talk to Stauss or whatever I need to do. Just tell me that you love me too— or tell me to leave.”

You closed your eyes, allowing him to pull you in closer. You brought Aaron in by his face, slanting your lips over his gently. “I broke up with Thomas earlier tonight. I could never love him. Not when I love you.”

“God I love you, so so much,” he grinned, pulling you into another kiss.

[sunshineandcybertronians]

A Chance Like This - Knockout x reader

Word count: 7,740 Warnings: none Takes place on the episode “Flying Mind” A/N: This is the longest oneshot I’ve ever written and actually turned out pretty good. I wrote this over a year ago. I think I did a good job adding enough that it wasn’t just the whole episode written down.

You were staring wide eyed as Bulkhead told the human charges about his adventure being stuck on Nemesis. The group of listening humans, including you, was standing on the high platform closest to the groundbridge.

“And when the Insecticons backed off, I got inspired by my proximity to the power core, and did what I do best.” He hit his fist into the other servo making a loud crash for dramatic effect.

Miko and you stood by the yellow, metal guards while Jack leaned on the desk, Raf was sitting by the computer, and Agent Fowler stood in the back.

“Whoa,” you let out. Being stuck on the ship would be something you hate; you would have no idea how to get off.

“You trashed Megatron’s ride like a rock star in a hotel room.” Miko threw her hands into the air.

“So what are we going to do now?” you asked when you realized the Decepticons would in one spot and unable to move for a long period of time.

“We should hit the ‘Cons right now, while their vulnerable,” Arcee said to her teammates with determination.

“Megatron’s warship may be grounded, but let’s not forget we remain vastly outnumbered,” Ratchet, who was apart from the group and on your right, reminded.“Especially since he has added the insecticon hive to his ranks.”

“Then maybe it’s time for me in call in an air strike,” Agent Fowler stepped closer to the railing. “Or for us to consider more extreme measures, Agent Fowler.” The prime had a grim look in his optics that made you uneasy. He gestured for Ratchet to follow him down the corridor. Their heavy, metal steps resonated through the room. Your heart pounded as your mind searched the all the possibilities of what could happen with worry. Not just because Optimus Prime having that emotion was a reason for concern. 

Because there was someone on Nemesis that you didn’t want hurt.

He walked back into the room with a blue circular object, with gray designs covering it that made you stumble back.

“Is that…?” you began, but couldn’t finish the sentence.

“The spark extractor? Yes,” Optimus replied.

“I thought that… doing that would be too violent and wrong… to just take all of their sparks at once. Why…?” You struggled for words in shock.

“Although I would greatly prefer lesser means, it could be our only chance to end the war.”

“I guess. I just wish… it didn’t have to end like that. There has to be another way, right?” your eyes reflected sadness and hope.

He let out a sad sigh. “While I wish the same, I fear we have no other option.”

You whimpered. There was the urge to say more and attempt to convince them to choose another path. Yet you knew everyone would probably get annoyed at you for defending the villains, and Optimus Prime made up his mind. Who were you to question his decision? There was still something inside of you that wanted to stop it, that wasn’t at peace.

You didn’t want all of the Decepticons to die. You didn’t want Knockout to die.

You didn’t know him that well, but you were fond of him. His personality, his finish, just everything about him made you have a soft spot for him. When you got the chance, you’d try to get pictures of him, it was just hard to without getting caught. You wished you were actually friends with him, although now it would be too late.

The thought of him dying twisted and stabbed your heart. You probably should have never let yourself get that attached, but there was no going back.

A beeping at the console in front of Ratchet interrupted your thoughts.

“Optimus, I’m detecting a massive energy spike at the Decepticon crash site. It appears to be dark energon.” Ratchet had a serious and grim expression on his faceplate.

Everyone, except Optimus Prime, flinched at the news. They stared at the map with a purple circle on what you assumed to be the crash site.

The groundbridge lit up with the light swirling and dancing once Ratchet flipped the switch. It seemed much blurrier than usual. That’s when you realized how much tears formed in your eyes. You swiftly blinked them away, refusing to be caught. A part of you wanted to run in, to see if there was a way to save him or see him one more time. The thought of seeing his faceplate twist in pain in flinching as his spark was wretched away from him was enough you have you rapidly blinking. Please don’t cry in front of them; please don’t cry in front of them, you repeated in your mind. How would they react if they knew you cared for a Decepticon? They would probably send you to therapy or a mental hospital or something.

All the Autobots but Ratchet, who was staying, and Optimus, who seemed to be planning on entering last. They effortlessly shifted to their vehicle forms and quickly went through. You took a sharp breath when you noticed the extractor in Bumblebee’s hand as he transformed.

Fowler was saying something to the prime about how he had to be there to witness the Decepticon defeat, but you couldn’t pay attention. You just kept thinking about Knockout. Was he going to die? That couldn’t be right. Not now.

Optimus agreed to bring Agent Fowler and drove through the groundbridge. Then the light disappeared, leaving you to wonder when it would be done.

The last time you saw him could literally have been the last time you’d ever see him. You’d never get the chance to meet him or be friends with him. He’d be gone forever. You were panicking. When would the spark extractor be generated? Had it already happened? Was he already not existing anymore? Would you feel something when he was extinguished, like suddenly feel a part of you was missing or punched in the gut? All of these questions and negative emotions filled you and you believed you would burst. You already wandered and began pacing in the corner where everyone would be less likely to notice you. Just in case you broke down crying, which was becoming more likely by the second.

“Team’s down, requesting medevac,” Fowler’s voice came through the comm.

Your eyes widened and your heart leaped. “What?” you turned to the screen. You had been prepared to gain sadness from Knockout being terminated, not the Autobots being injured. Needless to say, you were concerned.

“What happened?” Ratchet asked.

“The Nemesis shot some crazy beam at the 'Bots and now they’re frozen.”

“What?” Jack asked.

“Are they…” Raf wasn’t able to finished the sentence in fear.

“I don’t know. I need to examine them. Hang tight. I will be there.” Ratchet opened up the groundbridge.

It took a while to get everyone back. Ratchet was the only one big enough to carry them and had to do so one at a time. As they were brought in, all the humans grew more sad and worried. It was terrible to see them still and lifeless like that. You prayed they were okay.

“Did they get the chance to use the spark extractor?” you asked when the question crossed your mind and you managed to reached Fowler on the higher platform.

“No. The 'Cons were too fast,” Fowler answered.

A sigh of relief escaped you, however as you did so, you masked it as a cough, to avoid everyone’s questioning eyes. It meant Knockout was alright. It may have been wrong, with everyone frozen, but you were actually happy the turn of events happened. It meant Knockout was still alive. You just hoped the others didn’t stay that way forever.

The other three on the floor below were still gazing in sorrow at the awkwardly posing cybertronians as Ratchet scanned them. His metallic steps echoed through the quiet room as he inspected the console.

“They’re alive, but I’ve never encountered this form of stasis lock.” He held his chin with his digits while staring at a large screen that currently showed Optimus.

“The 'Cons are crossing the Atlantic,” Fowler marched right up, near the vitals displayed in green. Ratchet’s optics shifted from the console’s information to the human. “Making a bee-line for North America,” he waved his arm horizontally to illustrate his point.

“Wait, we can track them?” Jack noticed as the three other walked over on the floor below.

“Why aren’t they cloaked like usual?” Raf lifted an eyebrow.

Your eyes widened when you realized it now that they mentioned it.  Fowler’s facial expression changed, a clear indicator that the same just occurred to him.

“None of this makes a lick of sense,” the black male voiced what everyone was thinking, “they had us in the crosshairs, but the 'Cons just took off.”

“They even bailed on that spark extractor thingy.” Miko waved her hand, as confused as everyone else.

“Megatron could have gotten the spark extractor AND destroyed Optimus. He would never turn down something like that. Why?” The thought tangled in your mind as you tried to make sense of it.

“Wait,” Jack said when an idea struck him. “If the ship isn’t cloaked, maybe the communications relays are open and-”

“Ehp, eph.” The medic cut him off and rotated around to the teenagers. “Are you suggesting that we just call Megatron and ask him what’s happening up there?!” he sarcastically thought, attempting to show the insanity of the idea.

As ridiculous and unlikely as it sounded, surprisingly, it didn’t sound like a bad idea considering the circumstances. The kids simultaneously shrugged and Ratchet looked in shock as it struck him that they were serious. For better or worse, it was probably the best plan. You needed to know what was going on. It was worth a shot. Ratchet then stared at Fowler and you for your opinion. You both did the same as the humans before.

After contemplating, he finally opened up communication. This gave enough time for the three to climb up onto the same floor you were on. “This is Outpost Omega One to Decepticon warship. Megatron, please respond.” If he felt awkward sending a message to Megatron, he wasn’t showing any signs of it.

He glared at the larger screen, waiting for a response, but none came. You held your breath. Were you actually going to hear Megatron? Even if he was on Nemesis and couldn’t do anything to you while you were safely at the base, the thought terrified you. At the same time, you wanted him to answer, to figure out if everything was okay, if Knockout was okay. Maybe you would get lucky and the shiny, red mech would answer. However, that scenario was unlikely and everyone would be suspicious if you began fangirling before you could stop yourself.

More silence. Was it supposed to be this long? Did Megatron decide to ignore them?

“Megatron,” Ratchet repeated.

Everyone seemed to freeze, yet there was more silence. You expected it to last as long as the last one, when suddenly a noise hit your ear. A bee-do-beep of someone connecting to the comm link reverberated in the air.

“Megatron has been relieved of his command,” an unfamiliar, intimidating voice shot out of the speakers. There was no picture on the screen identifying who it was. Almost made you wish the 'Cons stayed quiet, but it presented an important piece of information and you were eager to learn more.

Ratchet’s faceplate briefly twisted in confusion before returning to its former stern state. He was probably wondering who it was and how Megatron, being as strong as he is, could be pulled off of his Decepticon throne. The latter was the one currently on your mind, along with if Knockout was well.

“Who is this?” Ratchet questioned.

“ 'Who is this?’ ” the deep voice repeated.

“Have you taken control of the Decepticon vessel?”

All of the humans stared at the huge cybertronian monitor, while Raf stared at Ratchet. Fear of the current situation was written on the young boy’s face.

“I AM the Decepticon vessel

The color drained from your face at that news. The warship was alive? Whaaa…

"Any Cybertronian who interferes with my mission will be neutralized,” Nemesis continued.

The previously green screen suddenly hosted large pictures of frozen Decepticons. It flickered through three individual images, displaying some vehicons frozen to panic and insecticons on the ceiling unmoving. To your dismay or relief, it didn’t show Knockout. It only left you feeling restless at the uncertainty of his condition. Then they faded away to how the console appeared before.

“What mission?” Ratchet asked in a less authoritive tone, most likely a result from processing the new, alarming information.

“Priority one, decrypt Iacon database and recover Decepticon technology.” he spoke as if reading a script

“For what purpose?” the medic pressed for more information.

Everyone stayed focusing on the blurry, static picture as if it would change into something interesting. No reply. Then the static identification picture blinked out as the link ended.

“He hung up? Rude!” Miko commented and crossed her arms. You stared at her. Clearly her priorities were pretty mixed up if her first concern was a huge warship being rude, rather than the fact the Decepticon vessel just got a mind of its own and is holding the 'Cons hostage or worse.

There was no telling how dangerous it could be. Although, your top concern was what happened to Knockout. You prayed with all of your heart he was safe.

“Rude?!” Apparently, the older agent had the same thought as you. “There’s a giant spaceship, flying around, collecting Decepticon weapons of mass destruction!” He waved his hands around.

“Ah ah,” Jack interrupted, “A ship filled with neutralized Decepticons.”

“How does that make it any better?” you questioned.

“This could our only chance to slip aboard and download the Iacon database,” the teenager explained. He pointed up as if the ship were above you.

“So Optimus can decode it,” Raf finished Jack’s thought.

You nodded and had to agree. It was a great plan, and you were surprised it never occurred to you.

Ratchet turned to them, staring down as he processed it. “Ingenious.” He was clearly impressed. He looked up with certainty. “I will infiltrate the Decepticon warship.”

“No!” you blurted out. Provided, you were mostly concerned about Knockout, but you still cared about your other Cybertronian friends.

“Not ingenious,” Jack disagreed, putting emphasis on the first word. “You saw what it did to the Decepticons.”

“And probably Megatron too,” Raf added.

“And team Prime,” Miko read more off the list of Cybertronians who were neutralized. Her gaze became hard and serious.

“Yeah. We can’t have you frozen too,” you objected.

“But that tub had me dead to rights, and I’m still breathing,” Fowler pointed out, smiling.

“The ship may be blind to humans,” Jack concluded the best answer.

A smile crept onto your face as a plan cooked in your mind.

“Very well, Agent Fowler,” the Cybertronian reluctantly agreed. “But at the first sign of trouble, I am bridging you right back here.” He shifted to face the console and pulled out what looked to be an alien version of a USB, like what Jack had that restored Optimus Prime’s memory. “Now, in order to download the database, you will need a compatible transfer drive.” He held out the USB, which was relatively the same size as a book. A slightly oversized book.

“A what?” Fowler had confusion written all over his face as he took the drive with two hands.

“He’ll also need tech support,” Raf volunteered with a smirk, knowing that he’d be coming along.

“And backup,” Miko nodded with her arms crossed.

“Which includes me.” You stood tall. You wanted to help your friends. Besides, it would be cool to go on the ship and possibly see your favorite Decepticon. It would be nerve-racking, but your excitement removed any fear.

“Hrmm, very well,” the medic grumbled. Faltering over to the controls for the groundbirdge, he punched in the coordinates and the way through started up out of nowhere.

The colors danced around in a wonderful phenomenon, however your eyes and mind had grown accustomed to it with how frequently it was used. You took a deep breath to steel yourself, knowing that the enemy’s vessel was on the other side.

“Be careful,” Ratchet reminded, his voice taking a more gentle tone.

“We will,” Jack nodded before marching through.

they casually walked in, confidence boosted by the fact they were all paralyzed. They all stood there, towering over you. The fact that they were so stiff and lifeless made it feel like a horror movie. As soon as Fowler made it through, the swirling vortex closed behind you as if it was never there.

“Fowler to base. We’re in,” the agent reported back with the drive tucked beneath his right arm.

“Good,” Ratchet answered. “Their data core should be accessible from any console.”

All of you began your trek through Nemesis’ dark and long corridors. They all stood there, towering over you. The fact that they were so stiff and lifeless made it feel like a horror movie. Miko stared up and Jack stepped over a giant foot.

Was the fact that the corridors were long mentioned before? Because you were beginning to sweat. You prayed that you wouldn’t have to walk much farther. Then again, this is a Cybertronian sized ship. What did you expect? And of course Megatron would have to punish the Decepticons with long walks and halls that all looked the same!

Raf gulped when you reached the end of the corridor and it split into two, “H-here’s one.” He tentatively point to the right.

Your prayers were answered, both of them. A console, and the one you wanted to see the most.

You spied Knockout, frozen and leaning on the console. He may have been paralyzed, but at least he was still alive. It made your heart ache and wish you could help him. However, it was probably better that he wasn’t awake, so he would be unable to squish any of you. That was the problem with him being a Decepticon.

The Japanese girl ran up to him. She banged her fist on him three times. Knock, knock knock! You had to clamp your hand over your mouth and bite your tongue to prevent yourself from screaming at her to be careful, not hurt him, or mess up his finish.

“Doc Knock is knocked out,” she grinned with satisfaction.

You smiled slightly and loosened up at  Miko’s joke, finding it somewhat humorous. Although you felt guilty for it.

After Miko confirmed that Knockout wouldn’t be awake to hurt you, you were the first to run over. Your eyes stared up at him and all of his shiny glory. The way the light from the console shone on him and causing the illusion of his color being slightly altered was magnificent. He was even more hot in person, especially this close.

Your heart skipped a beat. You had never been that close to him before! After some hesitation, and wiping your hands on your pants, you lightly ran your fingers against his finish. Although it wasn’t long, since you didn’t want to ruin perfection with your oils. It felt so smooth and glossy. A touch of heaven. That made you both want to touch it more, and afraid to touch it in fear you would spoil it. You were dragged back to reality and took a step back when Raf began speaking.

“Look. The ship’s decoded two sets of Iacon coordinates.” Raf stepped closer and stared up at the console with wide eyes. Red from the screen reflected off of his glasses. A beep cut through the eerie silence and a row of random lines was added to the other two. “Three!” he added. The young boy flipped around to Fowler and the drive. “Let’s rip and run.”

“Okay,” you nodded and stared up, trying not to lock your gaze on the red mech since everyone was watching. “How’re we gonna get up?”

Without any words, Raf rushed to the bottom of Knockout’s pede with Agent Fowler following closely behind. You tilted your head in question of what they were going to do when they began climbing on the Cybertronian, using him like a ladder to get up. A bright red blush to rival your crush’s armor sprang onto your face. It came into realization that you would have to do the same.

“There’s the port,” Raf said once he reached the top, but you hadn’t made it up yet.

You never felt more nervous in your life. At first thought, you considered taking your shoes off, as to not scuff the paint. However, you were doubtful of how clean your socks were, besides, the others would question why you took your shoes off. Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you placed a shaky hand on Knockout to steady yourself as you hesitantly began climbing.

“Sorry, Knockout. Please forgive me,” you whispered under your breath, facing down in attempt to make this plead unheard by the others above you.

Your face became a more radiant red, if that was possible as you made your way up him. You did everything in your power to not get finger smudges on him. Thankfully, the way he was leaning forward made it easier to scramble up, rather than having to vertically scale him.

Fowler and Raf had moved a lot quicker than you as you were hesitant and careful. You heard the drive click into the port and a soft beep emanated from the data being downloaded. When you reached the top, you stayed standing on Knockout, on the black part between his head and red shoulders, for a few seconds, not wanting to leap off of him. You debated sitting on his shoulder or not. At first you decided you had a job to do and the others may judge, although it was a shame considering you would probably never be the same position again.

Taking a glance down, you noticed that Miko and Jack decided not to climb up. Another blush crept up as you realized that you didn’t need to climb up. Well, it was done. Now you wanted to stay, and you were glad you were able to touch him so much. You pressed your lips together into a line and pondered it. On second thought you decided you would sit, you didn’t need to stand on the console. They didn’t need your help. Besides, you were afraid you would accidentally press a wrong button on the control panel if you did.

With a smile, you sat on his shoulder. You made a small prayer that your pants were clean enough. It felt nice sitting there, like you belonged there. You were convinced you could have stayed like that forever. When you were sure no one was looking, you stared down and admire Knockout’s face.

That’s when a brilliant and awesome idea came into your head.  What if you took a selfie? That would be like a dream come true, aside from actually being friends with or dating him. It was risky, as in they could very well spot you doing it… It was too tempting. You would probably never get the opportunity for this again. The rewards outweighed the risk, and you simply couldn’t help yourself.

You stepped down and flipped out your phone. After tapping on the camera, you started to angle it correctly.

“Seriously?” Miko on the ground shook her head in disbelief.

“When else will I get a chance like this?” Your eyes stayed fixed on the phone screen, carefully positioning the phone so it gets both you and Knockout’s face without dropping your phone. Dropping it this high would probably break it. With the way his helm was dangling from being shot with the paralyze beam, it made it more difficult than you wanted.

Upon clicking the button to take the picture a few times, you smirked and examined the selfies. They were clear and fit enough you and him in. It was a little dark, but there wasn’t much you could do about it. If you activated the flash, you’d have the whole room’s shifting their focus onto you. Apparently the teenage girl decided to ignore you, because she wasn’t paying you any attention now. Thankfully, no one else seemed to take notice of her remark. You were very giddy and grateful that you got the opportunity to do that. You felt like a kid left in a candy store, told you could get whatever you want.

Miko and Jack below stared up. They studied the screen and the warship’s destination displayed on it.

“Um, why is the warship heading for Manhattan?”  Jack inquired upon peering closer at a smaller screen to the left of the larger one.

Everyone else followed his gaze to verify the truth of his words. What you saw confirmed it. It displayed a map of the north section of the western hemisphere. One moving circle hovered above the Atlantic ocean, most likely where you were located now, and the other stayed grounded in New York.

Raf’s eyes shifted back over to the decoded coordinates. The first set was flashing. “Because that’s where first set of coordinates are located?”

“What?!” you let out in surprise, sitting up straighter and almost standing. Thankfully, this didn’t draw any attention to yourself and they didn’t notice you sitting on the Decepticon. They were too concerned with processing the information and staring at the screen.

Fowler’s face displayed fear like you had never seen from him before. “What would a relic from Cybertron be doing in the Big Apple?”

“The Iacon relics landed on Earth eons ago, Agent Fowler,” Ratchet explained gravely on the other side of communications, “long before the city was built atop it.”

Jack immediately deciphered the meaning of the situation. “Which means if the ship wants this one it may have to move some buildings out of the way.”

All of the present humans’ eyes stayed locked on the map in horror. The Nemesis clearly  had lots of power, and without the Decepticons controlling it, it would make no effort to stay hidden. It would simply use all the fire power it could to complete its goal. How much damage would be caused and how many lives would be taken if it reached the city?

“Our mission just got complicated,” Fowler stated while pressing the earpiece. “How do we deter this ship?”

As he spoke, you noticed the other two humans, climbing up. Barely managing to stop the whine that desired to vibrate in your throat, you hopped onto the platform for the console’s keyboard. You couldn’t help but cross your arm and glare whenever Jack and Miko appeared in your line of vision for ruining your time with Knockout. Instead you averted your gaze to the map as they stepped onto the same platform as you. Normally you’d be nervous and doubting if it could support everyone’s weight, although these uncertainties to the back of your head. Raf was staring down, holding his chin while he thought.

“I would advise disabling the navigation module. Call up the main navigation menu,” Ratchet instructed.

You followed everyone’s gaze to the controls to the left of the one you stood on.

“There,” Raf pointed. How he knew that the other panel was for the navigation, you had no idea. It looked exactly the same as the one you were on. Maybe because it was under the screen displaying the map.

Before the boy could make any other movement, Agent Fowler lifted his hand in front of him. “Step aside, son.”

He leaped to the other side. When he tried to figure out how to make it work, it pressed his hand onto a slab of metal that stuck out slightly farther than the rest. As soon as his hand came into contact, there was a zap. Electricity danced around his hand. You and the other three jolted in shock. The government agent groaned previous to falling backwards unconscious. Unfortunately, backwards was right off the platform.

“Agent Fowler!” Jack cried out.

All of you rushed to reach him, but it was too late. He took a heavy hit as he slumped to the floor. You cringed at the muffled bang of him colliding with the ground. All you could do was pray that the damage from both the shock and falling would only be temporary. He rolled over and groaned weakly.

“System access detected,” the same voice from early on the comm broke you out of your transfixed horror. Once again, you and the other three jumped and hastily searched the room, although this time out of fear. Your figures were rigid. “Interference will not be tolerated.”

“There,” Raf said once he spotted it.

He pointed up at something that resembled an egg poking out of the ceiling and lowering slightly. It was shiny and black. If you were seeing correctly, you thought you saw a camera installed in it. It swiveled around to scan the room.

“Reveal yourself,” it demanded. At one point, the camera seemed to point straight at you

“It doesn’t see us,” Miko grinned in victory, loosening up her fighting stance.

You felt yourself smile a little, relieved at the good news.

“Yet,” Ratchet grumpily reminded. “The ship must not be scanning for carbon-based life-forms. But once it widens its search parameters…”

“We’re toast,” Raf finished.

“I’m bridging you back.”

“No,” Jack waved his hands in an 'X’ while firmly refusing. “There are millions of lives at stake in New York, and we four are currently the only ones who can do anything about it.”

Once again, Jack was the master of logic, and you agreed. If humans couldn’t be seen, then the four of you were the only ones who could save everyone. You glanced down, shifting from Fowler to Knockout, your eyes lingering on the red mech. You didn’t want the same thing to happen to you, but you needed to stop this thing to save Knockout from this frozen state… oh, and the Autobots… aaaannd all the other people in New York that you completely just forgot about. Apparently Knockout’s life, although he wasn’t technically dead, meant more to you than millions of people. You had strange priorities. Maybe it was time you got them straight and/or took some therapy… Nah!

“If it knows we’re here now, shouldn’t we talk more quietly so it doesn’t detect us through sound?” you urgently whispered.

“The sounds you’re making is too quiet  for the ship to detect,” the medic answered you. “You’re out of your element, Jack. These readings, the ship’s rapid recovery,” he listed, “all point to the fact that Megatron employed Dark Energon to repair it.”

Jack had leaped down when Ratchet was speaking. “Hold on,” Jack interrupted as he took Fowler’s pulse. “If you’re saying the ship is fueled by dark Energon, we can dump it, right?”

Miko and Raf lowered themselves on the edge and let themselves drop to follow Jack. They landed on their feet with zero apparent injuries.

It probably wasn’t a long way down if they were fine, but it looked unsettled from your position. You bit your lip as you prepared yourself to jump. However, when counting down from three, you stopped on two because of an idea floating into your brain. You practically skipped back to Knockout and climbed down on him. Not only did you get to touch him again and be close to him

“Hmm,” Ratchet made a sound of approval you never thought you’d hear. “You’ll need to reserve the warship’s Energon infuser. Follow the main overhead conduits,” he instructed.

“I think I should stay here,” you stated, holding your hands close to you, “in case anything changes on the screen and to watch Fowler. I don’t think we should move him in this state and I don’t think we should just leave him either.”

They nodded. “Good idea,” Jack approved, “Just stay out of trouble.” With that, they bolted down the corridor, following Ratchet’s directions.

“I will.” You mumbled as they turned out of sight, “Not much trouble I can get into just sitting here.” You knew what they meant, don’t get neutralized. Then once again, your eyes landed onto the familiar glossy finish.  With a smirk, you added, “Well, if he were awake I see how I could get into trouble.”

Most of your time was spent admiring Knockout, sitting on him and kicking your legs back and forth. You occasionally glance at Fowler or the screen to make sure nothing changed. To most, it may have been uninteresting, but considering that most did not have an obsession with a shiny red Decepticon, or maybe most would if they knew his existence, you were occupied with studying every detail of Knockout. The only thing that could make it better is if he were awake, in a situation where you’re friends, and you could talk.

While gazing into his face, you realized something you could do. Something you were tempted to do. Kiss him. Your face flamed up to the same color as his armor. You could do it, no one would see. Wait a second, there were probably security cameras, although even if that weren’t a possibility, you’d still be hesitant just because it’s embarrassing. Whining slightly, you bit on your lip as you restrained yourself.

A sound of smooth motors moving distracted you from your current daydream. Your eyes immediately leapt to the ceiling to observe a gun device lowering and pointing at you.

“I am infested with alien life-forms!” Nemesis growled.

It must have widened its search enough now. “Uh oh.” You let yourself slid off of Knockout. Fortunately, the cannon was aiming higher, probably at your head, thus it just barely missed Knockout. You were barely look back at the blaster before it began firing again. A light blue electrical orb sailed over your head as you ducked and bolted out of its path. Your head turned all over the place, with your hair flying, to find a place to hide.

Strangely enough, when the fact that it was an area built for larger creatures was taken into account, there weren’t many places to take cover. One of the few places you spotted was underneath the console controls, a dark pocket to stay out of sight. That was the area you rushed to. Blood pounded in your ears as you pumped your legs as fast as you could, paranoid that a blast would hit you.

Once in the cover of the shadows, your eyes searched for any danger. You noticed Fowler still passed out on the floor. Fortunately, the warship seemed to completely pass over Agent Fowler, probably since it already shocked him. That made it easier for you; all you needed to worry about was yourself. In the middle of your thought, you spotted the gun lowering itself until it saw you. Without any time to spit out a curse at your luck, you lurched out of the way.

“All parasites will be eradicated!” it shouted again.

The only other place you could go to avoid being neutralized was behind Knockout. You didn’t want him to get him himself from being your shield; however that blaster wasn’t giving you much of a choice. You ducked behind him, your back just an inch away from touching him. The balls that Nemesis attempted to throw at you buzzed upon coming into contact with him. “Sorry.” You hoped it wasn’t hurting him.

It seemed like it ran out of options of how to freeze you, or maybe it just hadn’t calculated another way yet. Before it could, the gun slowly choked and paused like a lawnmower running out of gas.

“Critical power drain. I am… in… command. Prepare to be… neutralized…” The final string of its power and command was undone. It sputtered while being pulled back into the ceiling, a welcomed action that caused you to sigh in relief. The light began to fade from red to blue.

“They must have done it.” You smiled in victory.

The screens and lights faded from creepy red to a pleasant blue, not to different from the color of energon or the Autobots’ optics. The room was still dim, yet it filled you with hope and served as another sign that the mission was accomplished. Agent Fowler was gradually waking up. You were unaware if the damage had simply worn off, or if all the Cybertronians who were hit would presently wake up.

Your gaze shifted to Knockout. You felt guilty about using him as a shield, but now you were worried about something else. What if he wasn’t paralyzed anymore? He did seem to be slumping over more. You decided to hide in case he wakes up, not wanting him to crush you or be disgusted by a human. If he was disgusted at the sight of you it would break your heart. You managed to drag Fowler under the console into hiding with you, to prevent him from meeting the fate you imagined.

Upon seeing Jack, Miko, and Raf dash to you, a rush of joy came over you. The fear of being caught by a non-neutralized Decepticon flowed out of you and was replaced with euphoria for saving the day and the mission completed. You came out of hiding under the console to meet them. The whole time you moved as quickly as you could while helping Fowler walk.

“You’re back! Is there a button we need to press to make the Cybertronians go back to normal or-” you began, wanting to make sure Knockout and the Autobots would be able to move again.

“They’re already waking up.” Jack pointed behind him, “We saw Megatron unfreeze. We need to get out of here.”

“Megatron?!” Your eyes widened and felt a scare cord being struck at the tyrant’s name. Your friends were brave.  Then your brows furrowed in confusion, since Knockout was still frozen. Then you nodded when you remember how many times he was hit when you were hiding. Of course it would take him longer to come out of it, considering that the ship was firing every three seconds.

Miko slung Fowler’s arm over her shoulder. "On your feet, soldier!” She aided you, taking the man’s weight out of your hands.

“And beavers and ducks and walnuts and grandma?” he deliriously spoke while flailing his other arms as much as you would allow. With that he wiggled out of yours and Miko’s hold, causing him to fall onto the ground again. Miko appeared seriously freaked out. If it weren’t for the still dangerous circumstances you were in, you might have laughed.

A beep emitted from the monitor which drew your attention to it. A fourth Iacon relic location was revealed. The bar that displayed the download progress was half way filled.

“That’s all that’s been downloaded?!” Jack exclaimed in frustration at the slow rate of progress.

Maybe it would have been better to let Nemesis stay in control for just a little longer to download more. Then again, that wouldn’t have been an option considering that it detected you humans just seconds before you shut it off. If it had seen you sooner, you all may have been immobilized.

“The Iacon file must be huge!” Raf reasoned in attempt to calm the older teenager.

The whirring of a groundbridge appearing from behind made you turn around. There it was, your beautiful ride home in all of its colorful glory, although not as glorious as Knockout’s colors you might add. Speaking of which, you probably needed to book it out of there before he awoke.

“Sa-weet!” Miko let out. She attempted to carry Fowler out by supporting his arm on her shoulder. Raf did the same on the other side. “Come on! Here’s our ride!” Her eyes locked onto the portal as they stepped towards it.

You were about to copy their movements when you noticed Jack standing his ground. That was when you remembered the drive. Oh right, you felt like facepalming, you were such a dummy! How could you forget something so important?

Raf noticed it too. “Jack?” he turned his head.

“Get Fowler out of here,” Jack ordered.

“I’ll help.” You ran back to him. You didn’t particularly want to be around when Knockout came out of his neutralized state, for reasons stated above. Although you didn’t want to seem like a coward, especially after the other three dumped the dark energon while you stayed behind. Plus, you were still somewhat reluctant to leave Knockout.

“No, I can handle it, you need to go!” He waved his hand.

“Nope! I’m helping,” you shook your head, firmly refusing.

He sighed knowing that it would absorb too much time to convince you to go. Marching forward, he stared at the drive with the precious downloaded information. “Some’s better than nothing,” he admitted. “I’m not leaving without that drive.” With that he clambered up.

To your amazement, you began crawling up Knockout before Jack did. You grinned at your triumph over your uneasiness about it. Now if only you had remembered gloves. It was painful to feel how oily your fingers were on his flawless finish. You could possibly leave a note apologizing for the fingerprints. You pouted when you remembered that you had to leave as soon as possible and couldn’t linger on his shoulder that time.

Promptly, you hopped off onto the panel and tugged on the drive along with Jack. His back was facing Knockout, while you were facing the opposite way, wanting to see Knockout as you worked. You grunted while pulling on it, the drive showing resistance.

As soon as the Decepticon medic opened his optics, you saw, since you had been staring at him without realizing it. “Uh oh,” your face paled. Your eyes widened, however, not from shock, from staring into his amazing red optics. You didn’t think you’ve ever seen any more gorgeous optics, the way it was a glowing red ring surrounded by dark red. It made you forget everything for a second. Maybe it was worth possibly becoming squished to witness it.

The way he smirked after spotting you just made him twice as hot. At that moment, Jack noticed your reaction and turned around, his facial expression making it clear that he already guessed what happened. He stepped back, completely forgetting about the drive.

Knockout flicked his servo into a long, skinny drill that would be terrifying enough to make it into a horror movie. At this motion, Jack stumbled back and fell. You took another step away while crouching and gnawing on your lip. No, he’s the villain and about to kill you, you can’t be mentally fangirling over how hot he is, you thought to yourself.

“Say 'ahh’,” he spoke in a threatening tone with his smooth voice while moving the drill closer to you and Jack. Yet his face still appeared as handsome as ever and you wished you could take a picture.

“Ah,” you quickly said, before you could stop yourself from following his command.

His drill flinched back and paused. He seemed confused and raised an optic ridge, surprised and amused by your response. A small smile began to creep into his facial features.

“I’m here to offer a second opinion,” Ratchet, who you hadn’t noticed coming through the groundbridge because your attention was set on Knockout, said right before he threw a punch. It knocked the Decepticon medic, who was turning around, into the console with a loud crash. The impact then sent him flying back and hitting the ground, his back facing the ceiling.

You felt bad for him, staring down. Who knew Ratchet could pack a punch like that? Or maybe you should have known. Once again, you were tempted to kiss Knockout, as if your affection would heal him. If there were camera filming, whoever would watch it would think you just walked close to Knockout and not realize unless they actually paid attention. Either that or there would be so much going on they would completely miss it.

Plus, Jack and Ratchet were focusing on each other. It left an opening. In the chaos and what was going on, you’d do it so briskly no one would even notice. It was risky, but the lack of time pressured you. When else will you get a perfect opportunity like that? In the end you decided to go for it.

You allowed yourself to slip down and began rushing to his face as soon as your feet hit the floor. Since you had made your decision so quickly, Ratchet was just beginning to reach over to pick Jack up while you were doing this. Upon reaching the mech’s white faceplate, you leaned in a placed your lips on his cheek for a second. He felt so cool and smooth, like before. However your lips were more sensitive than your fingers, making the experience twice, or even triple, times as amazing.

You heard the drive being pulled out with a shink, which meant it was time to go. After giving him a small peck, you practically skipped around to where they’d see you, feeling giddy with what you’d done.

“Where’s (Y/n)?” Ratchet asked while he searched the room.

“Down here!” you yelled and waved on your tippy toes, now standing just a foot away from the tip of Knockout’s helm.

Ratchet reached down to pick you up after handing Jack, who was in his other hand, the dive. You could have run just fine, but the Autobot medic was faster than you, and he probably wanted to get you out of there as soon as possible.

“Bye,” you yelled and waved happily, still excited from what you accomplished, as you were carried through the tunnel of light.

Although the whole dark energon taking over the Nemesis was a bad thing, you were still happy it happened. If it didn’t, Knockout would now be dead and you wouldn’t get to see him up close or kiss him. You hoped you would see him again soon.

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (5)

Warnings: nothing much, really. mentions of sex, a lot of confusing feelings.

Word Count: 2.7k

Felix looked up, raising an eyebrow as he noticed the frown on Chan's face. He quickly stepped away from you as Chan made his way over, throwing his arm around you and pulling you close.

"Hey, Lix. I believe I owe this pretty lady some cotton candy." He said icily, glaring at Felix.

"Oh, I'm full-"

"Come on." Chan snapped, leading you away from Felix quickly and towards the opposite side of the carnival.

"After we get cotton candy, we can go on one of the rides." Chan said expressionlessly. You looked up at him in slight confusion.

"Um...are you okay? You seem on edge."

"I'm perfectly fine, doll, thank you for asking." He said monotonously, leading you further away from the others as his eyes searched for a cotton candy booth. When he finally found one, he led you over there, taking out his wallet. As he paid for it, you let your eyes wander.

You saw Minho and Miyoung sitting on a bench across from you. They were sharing some ice-cream, all smiles and giggles.

As Miyoung looked down, you noticed Minho checking out a girl walking past, biting his lip.

Suddenly he looked up at you, noticing your stare. Glaring, he flipped you off, before turning back to Miyoung.

Frowning, you turned back to Chan. What an asshole, you thought.

As Chan handed you your cotton candy, you decided to bring it up. The boy was, frankly, getting on your nerves.

Chan raised an eyebrow at you as you bit into the pink fluff, chewing like a bunny. That was cute...

"Your friend Minho's a dick."

Trust me, I know. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, he's just using Miyoung, clearly. I have no idea why, though. Guys like that disgust me."

Chan turned a shade redder as he looked away, fiddling with his car keys. "Y-yeah?"

"Mmhmm. We should all be more straightforward, don't you think? What does he get out of playing with someone's emotions like that?" You mused, making Chan swallow as he looked at you.

As the words left your mouth, a part of himself felt the confusion he'd been feeling earlier dig deeper, rooting itself in him.

He felt...guilty, for the first time since this whole thing started. In the beginning, it felt alright to play with your feelings...he didn't know you personally, and he'd found you a little annoying. However, now that he'd spent time with you and gotten to know you as a person...he was feeling unusually remorseful.

But then, he looked over at Miyoung, whose wide, adoring smile was once again directed at his best friend...if Chan could even call him that. He'd be lying if he said he didn't still feel that pang of longing for the girl he'd been pining after for the past 2 years.

The conflict of emotions in him was driving him crazy as he tried to calm himself down. Shaking his head, he turned back to you.

"I don't know. I stopped trying to make sense of Minho ages ago."

You pressed your lips together, staying silent for a minute. Maybe you should change the topic...

"Hey...let's forget about that. Now, are those rides as fun as you said they were, or was it a bluff?" You giggled.

Chan chuckled. "Well hold onto your socks, babygirl, cause you're about to be blown away. Come on, let's go on the Booster Rocket."

"Wow. Sounds scary."

"Don't worry." He grabbed your hand, gently wrapping his fingers around yours.

"I'll be here."

***

You sat on a bench with Chan, your cheeks still burning- the cause being his hand, still firmly holding yours.

Chan looked over at you, wondering if he could confide in you. There wasn't really anyone else he could talk to about this at the moment.

"Hey...Y/n...can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Well, what if...what if you're doing something that you know is bad...something you know you're going to regret. What if you're actively hurting someone, all because you want something so bad- something that you're not even sure you'll be able to obtain. When would it be too late to change your mind?"

"Oh..." you frowned. "Well, that depends on many factors, actually. I think at the end of the day, a lot of people would do things they aren't proud of to get something they really want. Morally, it's a tricky subject." You paused, pondering. " No matter what, i think the most important thing is to make sure you're not hurting anyone. As long as you're sure of that, everything will be fine."

"But...what if I am? What if I'm hurting someone?"

"Well then, you have to put things into perspective. Is the thing you want something you're willing to hurt someone else for? Is it that important?"

Chan looked over at Miyoung and then at you. Hmm. He wasn't even sure anymore.

***

"I wish you could have stayed longer..." Chan sighed as you got out of his car, turning around to smile at him.

"I'm sorry, but my mom needs me." You said apologetically. "She didn't even know I left." You chuckled.

"Mm. Well, I'll see you tomorrow...right?"

"Definitely."

Chan looked up at you awkwardly, wondering what to say. Finally, he settled for a wave and a wink.

You grinned at him before turning around to leave, your heart beating, butterflies in your stomach as you opened your front door. What you didn't know was that Chan was feeling something very similar.

He leaned back in his seat, hand on the steering wheel as he tried to make sense of his feelings. He wasn't very adept at identifying his emotions...he'd never been. The only thing he'd ever been sure of was his love for Miyoung, but now even that was in question...

If he still loved her, he wouldn't be feeling this...this sudden disorientation, brought on by you. Right?

***

"Chan! There you are. Where'd you go?" Changbin asked, frowning as he noticed the boy approach. "And where's Y/n?"

"I had to drop her off at home, she had stuff to do."

Jisung chuckled. "Or maybe she caught onto the fact that you're using her, and decided to get the fuck away."

Chan rolled his eyes, looking away. "Not in the mood."

"For real though, Chan. Are you any closer to getting that book?"

Chan sighed. "I guess. She likes me a lot...and I think I'd just need a day or two, now."

"That's good. Hey, maybe she could be useful for more than one reason. You could fuck her and finally lose that v-card of yours, so you can be more experienced for Miyoung when you get her. Minho's shoes are big to fill." Jisung wiggled his eyebrows.

Chan was too tired for this. His fist was itching to punch Jisung and call it a day, but he suppressed the urge.

"Shut up." His voice was weak as he said it. Jisung quickly caught on, brows knitting as he observed Chan's expression.

"Um...hey, is everything okay?"

"Nope." Chan said simply, not seeing the point in lying. Besides, he wanted to tell someone what he was feeling already.

I think I might be catching feelings for Y/n. I could lie and say I don't know why or how this is happening, but I know exactly why. It's...it's her optimism, the way she's always so happy to see me. She makes me want to be happy, too. She makes me wish I could be the type of person she is.

Chan snapped out of his thoughts suddenly as he felt Changbin nudge him with his elbow. He looked up, a frown growing on his features as he saw Minho, lips pressed to Miyoung's. They were on the same bench that he'd been sitting on with you, just a few seconds ago.

Chan looked away, the sight instilling a heavy sense of discomfort in him. He didn't want to see Minho and his infuriating smirk, directed at Chan. Look at me, having my way with your girl. What can you do about it?

Confusion, filling him up again.

"Ignore that, Chan. Don't worry, it's just a few more days, right? You have Y/n in the palm of your hand. She'll let you see that book soon enough, and Minho will back off." Jisung said, though he had a nagging feeling that wasn't going to be the case. As long as Minho held his little grudge against Chan, he'd find new ways to get on his nerves.

The rest of them could do nothing but sit back and watch.

***

You sat on your bed, your book open on your lap. Tapping the pen on your chin, you mentally recapped the events of today in your head, feeling that familiar flutter arise in you as you recalled the way Chan had held your hand...so gently, almost as if he was afraid he'd hurt you accidentally. Then again, there'd been the occasional tight squeeze, especially when he detected your nervousness. He'd done it before you'd gotten on the scarier rides, when Minho walked past, when you'd choked on your churro a little etc.

You hadn't meant to fall. People like Chan didn't fall for people like you...and liking him was a one-way ticket to misery, especially when his friends made it clear how much they hated you. Why were you being so naive?

You sighed, mind drifting as your hands moved of their own accord. Your pencil flew over the page as you sketched Chan's face from memory. Somehow, his mere presence was able to comfort you. His reassuring smiles, his confidence and the way he stuck up for you...god, you couldn't help it.

You were falling, hard.

***

Chan couldn't bring himself to pay attention to the conversation. He stared out of the car window, eyes glazed as his mind tried to make sense of what was going on in his head.

Chan's eyes drifted to Miyoung, who was currently sitting in the passenger seat, on Minho's lap. They were heading to Changbin's house to spend the night- like they did every week. Just a guy's night, where they would drink beer and play video-games on the couch until Jisung passed out and Hyunjin had to carry him to bed.

However, this time, Minho had invited Miyoung to come over. Most of the guys weren't a fan of this idea, most of all Chan.

He tried to straighten out his disgruntled expression as Miyoung turned to him.

"Is it true?" She asked, giggling.

He raised an eyebrow, having tuned the whole conversation out. Clearing his throat, he looked from Jisung to the girl. "Um, I wasn't listening."

Jisung rolled his eyes and continued talking as Miyoung turned away. Chan gulped, looking to Changbin who was driving. The nine of them had split up into two cars, and Chan wished he was in the other one.

When they finally reached, Changbin parking in his garage, Chan quickly got out of the car, heading towards the door without looking back. He saw the others waiting, and sighed in relief, quickly walking over to Felix and slapping his back.

Felix let out a small yelp as he turned around. "Oh it's you."

"Yeah." Chan mumbled, sighing.

"We're so pissed right now. Why the fuck would Minho invite her over for guy's night?" Jeongin asked, rubbing his temple as he watched the others approach.

"To annoy me." Chan said, almost to himself as he observed the way Minho didn't take his hands off Miyoung, arm firmly wrapped around her waist as they walked.

The funny thing was, he wasn't feeling all that jealous. If this had happened a week ago, he would have been burning with envy, forced to watch Minho and his crush canoodling all day. Yet, at the moment, Chan was feeling nothing but dull anger- and he didn't know who or what it was directed at. Perhaps it would be better defined as frustration.

All he knew was he wished you were there at that moment, holding his hand. Maybe it would have helped calm his beating heart...or would you have made it throb faster?

***

Chan woke up in the middle of the night, throat dry. He carefully pushed Jisung off his chest, groaning as he realized the boy had drooled all over his shirt.

As soon as they'd entered his house, Minho had taken Miyoung away to one of Changbin's many bedrooms. There had been a few scattered smirks and giggles, but most of them were relieved that she wouldn't be around to witness their boyish antics.

Chan didn't know what to feel. He knew what would be happening behind that door. He never knew Minho would go this far.

He descended the stairs, heading for the kitchen as he rubbed his eyes. However, as his hand reached to turn the switch on, the sudden light flooding the room illuminated a figure sitting at the bar.

Chan squinted. Miyoung. What was she doing out here at this time?

"Hey...you okay?"

She looked up, eyes widening a little. "Oh. Chan..."

He noticed belatedly that she was wearing Minho's shirt. Chan's throat dried up further, his chest tightening as he felt his heart starting to pound.

Hesitating a little, he moved closer, sitting on the stool next to her, tilting his head in concern. "Shouldn't you be with..."

"Minho? Mm." She mumbled, finger tracing the rim of the glass in front of him. "I guess. I was thirsty, so I came down here." She explained.

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence for a bit before Miyoung looked back at Chan, sighing.

"I...I don't know if I can keep doing this, Chan. I like him a lot." Her lip quivered. "But I don't think it's a mutual feeling. He's going to dump me any second now. I can feel it."

Chan didn't know what to say. He cleared his throat, sighing. "I...I don't think he'll do that." He said softly. "He's treated you differently. We haven't even met any of his past girlfriends."

"Yeah?" She asked, allowing herself to smile half-heartedly.

"Uh huh. Don't worry. Besides, who'd want to dump someone like you? Only an idiot, that's who." He said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

She giggled a little at that, running a hand through her hair. "Wow, you're good at cheering people up."

"Yeah...I guess." He said, his mind swimming. The truth was, he didn't want her to break up with Minho just yet. Somehow, it was nice at least having her around. In fact, this was the first proper conversation he'd had with her...

She deserved better. She deserved someone who actually loved her, who would listen to her and care for her. And Chan had wanted to be that person for the longest time.

Slowly, he would pull her away from Minho. He would show her that he was the person she needed. And he'd finally be happy. Right?

Miyoung stood up, pulling down the shirt a little. "I guess I'd better get back to him, then." She paused for a second, before putting her hand on top of Chan's. "Thank you..."

Chan swallowed, his heart jumping a little at the contact. He looked at it for a second, frowning. Her hand was so soft, unlike yours. Your hands were slightly rougher, covered with smudges of paint- yet somehow holding them had managed to comfort him. Maybe it was the fact that those hands belonged to you, who was easily the most calming person he'd ever met.

He nodded, and she smiled again before leaving. Chan watched her go, the confusion coming back full force as he stood up, walking over to get the glass of water he'd come for.

As the cool liquid ran down his throat, Chan wondered why he'd been thinking of you, even when Miyoung- the girl he considered the love of his life- had touched him. It wasn't right.

One thing was for sure. You were affecting him, and he just couldn't allow it anymore. There was no way he could let it happen. If he did somehow fall for you, he would never hear the end of it from Minho and his friends.

It's just a little confusion, that's all.

It's natural. I love Miyoung. I always have. I'm going to get that book, and then I can forget all about Y/n. I'd get my girl, and I'd be happy with her, the way it's meant to be...

[thecoffeenebula]

I care for you

Hellooo, I’m back! 

Still working on that Marcus Moreno fanfic. It is almost finished. It will probably be ready in the next week or so. 

But I wrote my first Javier Pena fanfic. So here it is. Bon Appetit!

Narcos

Javier Pena x Reader

Warnings: language, mentions of trauma, reader has a panic attack, fluff, kinda smuttish toward the end....but not really... updated it a little.. didn’t seem right

"You're a dick, Pena."

Seeing Pena's face was enough to ruin the entire day for you. You really weren't in the mood for work today. Not after what happened that weekend, but you had to put up with it, so you just sucked it up and got over with it. The moment you walked into the office and saw Pena's face you felt the frustration built up inside of you. The words had to be said. You had to let him know how you felt. Steve looked up in surprise wondering what this could be about. Pena seemed just as surprised as Steve.

Now it wasn't new that Javier was a dick. Everyone knew this. But when it was said out loud, by you, no less, meant something was up.

"What did I do?" Pena turned his gaze upon Steve who was giving him a look. Pena grunted arching his eyebrow as his gaze fell upon you, waiting for you answer.

 Steve rolled his eyes. Knowing damn well what Pena was capable of doing. He already speculated a half dozen things that Javier could have done to you.

There goes another partner, Steve thought. You were the best they had yet. This wasn't your area of expertise, but you were a damn good cop. It was your dream after all to become a detective. Back at home your job was to find people. You could find almost any person who didn't want to be found. You liked the work. That's why this job offer seemed like a new challenge for you. You were ready for something new. After what you had been through, you needed to be on new grounds. Colombia seemed the best place to do so.

 "Not this shit again" Steve mumbled under his breath trying to keep his business to himself… for the time being at least… He wanted to see where this was going first.

"You know damn well what I am talking about, Pena." You said taking a seat at your desk.

Pena did know what you were talking about. He didn't expect this reaction. He knew you were mad, but it all happened two days ago, he thought you would have cooled down by now.

 He just sat there quietly staring at you. You looked so beautiful. That fierce look into your eyes.

"Fine. Call me a dick all you want. It won't change what happened."

The tension in the office was to cut. A silence fell over the office. It went on for hours as none of you wanted to speak to one another. Steve couldn't take the silence anymore.

He stood up from his desk making his way toward the door "I hope that by the time I've come back you two resolved this thing that is going on because you are getting on my nerves. If we are going to capture Escobar, you to have to fucking get your shit together".

He sounded like a disappointed father who wanted his kids to behave. The both of you didn't dare to meet his eyes. He rolled his eyes and walked out of the office, cursing under his breath.

 It was just you and Pena now. You noticed Javier's mouth open ready to speak up. You really didn't want to deal with him and his explanations for his behavior, so you stood up from your desk without saying a word, leaving Javier alone in the office. Javi sighed pained and let his head drop into his hands letting it rest there for a moment. Why did you have to make things so complicated?

Pena decided he needed a cup of coffee. He left the office just like his partners did and went down to the kitchen.

 He didn't want you to respond like this. He didn't even know why you responded like this. He didn't really do anything wrong. He helped you.

You hadn't said a word to him since this morning. Even though it was to tell him he was a dick.

He knew he had to talk to you. But how was he going to if you didn't want to. You and Steve were buddies. You have worked together before and you and you already knew Connie because you went to the same school. Steve mentioned that you have been acting strangely lately. Maybe this is the reason why you are focusing all your anger towards him. Steve also mentioned something about a partner, but he wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. He needed to know what was going on with you. He needed you to be you. He can't work with this version of you. This version kept making things complicated.

 He walked past the file room lost in his own thoughts as he noticed the door was open. He noticed you standing in the middle of the room reaching for a box on one of the shelves. He hesitantly decided to walk in knowing once he was in the room there was no going back. He closed the door behind him for some privacy.

You jumped a little at the sound of the closing door noticing Javi standing opposite from you. Javier was staring at you with his honeyed puppy eyes. You looked away, trying not to get lost in them. That happened from time to time. You tried to deny yourself the feelings that stirred up every time you looked at him. Nothing good could come from it. Besides he was way too busy fucking other women than to notice you.

 What was he doing here? Did he come here to lecture you or did he finally see you and came here to have sex with you. It would be really stupid of him if he thought that now was the time to do so. No matter how much you fantasized about it, you really didn't want any of it now.

"Not in the mood, Javi" you said staring down at the file you were holding.

Javier has to hide his laugh. The thought of you thinking that this is the reason why he is here amuses him. Especially because you are mad at him.

" That is not why I am here. I want to talk to you."

"Not in the mood for that either" you said coldly, still keeping your eyes on the file you’re holding.

Javier began to lose his own temper here as well. He was getting a little tired of this behavior. Did you really despise him that much?

He sighed rubbing his eyes “Fine, then just listen….,"

"I don't know what is going on with you, I don't know what, but something is clearly going on. All I did that night was protect you.... I was just trying to protect you."

 You had contact with a narco who told you he had information about Escobar. You agreed to meet him. What you didn't know was his loyalty to Escobar. You shouldn't have trusted him. You had been rubbing to deep, looking for contact with the men and women who should not be trusted at all, but you did it anyways. It had to get you somewhere. Pena had been keeping his eyes on you. Tracking your every moment. Just to make sure that you didn't do anything stupid, which you did. In Pena's eyes you were reckless and naive. You didn't see the risks. That's why he stopped you before you could walk into the trap that had been set out for you.

Pena wondered if this had always been your workstyle. Steve told him it was and that it wasn't. You used to be way more careful with what you did. Especially with cases like these. You would not just risk it, no. You analyzed every situation as long as you could before having a well built-up plan. You didn't have a plan, not really. You just wanted to catch them. No matter what the cost would be.

You dropped your files onto the box you grabbed them out of. His intentions might have been good, but it lost you your bait.

"You lost me intel Pena, you know that? I had him right there. He could've told me more about…."

"They weren't going to tell you anything (y/n), they were going to kill you!" He raised his voice to make his point clear. You've seen him as furious as this but he has never shouted, not at you.

"They know who you are. These people know everything. They aren't some regular criminals. They are far more dangerous than a common criminal. You have to be more careful! "

His words upset you slightly.

"Why do you care so much about what would happen to me?"

"Why don't you?" He responded, sounding very concerned.

He was right. You should care about what happens to you. Why didn't you. You didn't know, or you did but you didn't want to admit to these thoughts. They scared you.

"I….I…." Tears began to fill your eyes.

"Do you have some sort of death wish?" Javier grabbed a hold of you having a firm grip on your arms shaking you "do you?!"

Tears started to roll down your cheeks.

"No"

He stopped shaking you, grounding you. Hoping you would come to your senses.

"Then what are you doing?"

Your entire body started to shake, you couldn't stop it. Neither could you breathe really well. It felt as if the air was being sucked out of you.  It became hard for you to swallow. A gagging feeling began to form. Images were flashing in front of you.

"I... I just want to feel something."

"You what? You don't realize the consequences of this job."

Your legs couldn't hold you anymore. You collapsed. It was a good thing that Pena we still in reach of you. He caught you before you it the floor. You really gave him a scare.

"Shit! (Y/n)" you were clearly having some sort of panic attack. Caused by him.

"(Y/n), talk to me."

"I…." The images in your mind were overtaking your thought process. It was all happening again.

"It's there…. it's always there" you cry out.

"What is?"

"That afternoon, at the steak out"

Javier had no clue what you were talking about. Was this that thing Murphy told him about? He encouraged you to keep talking.

You and your partner had led to a group of bank robbers. They were clever, always knew ways to outsmart the police. You were a step closer this time. You were going to catch them in the act, but it went miserably wrong. Apparently, they had been tipped off by someone. They knew the police was there. Your partner got shot. One of the bullets went through his head… of the head of Your partner. The man you loved. The images of his death body covered in blood. They haunted you.

"I lost him. They killed him."

"Who?"

"My partner" you told Pena the story. He nodded and listened.

"Okay, I understand you are trying to cope with your trauma but that is still no excuse for your reckless behavior."

Javier was rubbing circles on your back, hoping it would calm you. It did. You felt like you could breathe again.

"You don't understand Pena. I haven't felt anything ever since that happened. Nothing. I thought that maybe if I would take this job, I would come back to my senses but all it did was push me in further. All I want is to feel again, Javi."

Javier let go of you now your steadier then you were a few moments ago. He sent his hands to your face to wipe away your tears that were rolling down your cheeks.

"You won't find them in near death situations." He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. It was a bit awkward. You never hugged. It felt nice though.

"I don't want you to get hurt."

You loved this side of him. This softer side. He was so gentle. If only he would show this side more.

He pulled away from the hug a little, still holding you.

You stopped crying. Your eyes were red. Your entire body felt weak from the shaking. If Javier would let you go you would probably still collapse. You tried to smile at him.

"You care about me?" You said with a hint of teasing in your voice.

Javi grinned rolling his eyes. Of course, that wouldn't go by you quietly.

"Yes I do…. Don’t tell Murphy."

You laughed. Showing more of yourself than you did in the past couple of months.

"See you do feel”.

"This is different" all you felt right now in this moment was embarrassment. You broke down in front of your freaking crush. This is not how you wanted Javier to see you. He didn’t seem to mind. That’s how much he cared. Here you are, thinking that he couldn’t care less about what would happen to his partners and here he is, telling you otherwise.

"Is it?" You looked into his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes were staring into your soul. "Apparently I just made you smile”. Again, he had a point. You did feel. You just denied yourself the feelings that had been botteling up inside of you. You’ve clearly been in love with this man the moment you met him. How could you not have seen this as a proper feeling. Maybe because this wasn’t what you saw as the feelings you were missing. You were missing sadness, you couldn’t grieve, but maybe this was because of the trauma. Of the things that you have seen. All you needed was time. Now you found someone who could help you through that time.

 “Maybe it is me you need to feel again." Javier said. He bit his lip letting his gaze fall upon your lips. His head moved forward, gently pressing his lips against yours. You got lost in the moment as Javier pulled back. “We should go back to the office, Murphy must be waiting”.

You could not believe that he just kissed you. It didn’t surprise you that much but you never thought he would kiss you. He clearly cared about you. how could you have missed that. Probably because you were too occupied with the depression and trauma you were dealing with. Did Javier just wake you up? Did you allow your emotions to come to the surface again? Probably not in its entirety but him being there. It sure did something.

You nodded your head and smiled at him. He wrapped an arm around your waist as you walked back to the office. You were still a bit shaky on your legs. He didn’t want you to collapse again so he made sure you could walk properly. Your colleagues were staring. Wondering what happened inside of that room. Wondering why Javier was holding you. You didn’t care. They could stare all they want. Javier cared about you, and that’s all that mattered.

A little while later Steve returned to the office as well. Who knows where he had been.

The office was still filled with silence. He wasn’t quite sure if you two actually resolved anything, but the tension was gone, that was a good sign.

“So?”

You both looked up from your desk.

“We’re fine.”

“Yeah, we’re good.” You smirked. “I just figured out that Pena has a heart.”

Pena just frowned. Steve couldn’t help but laugh. Then it hit him. How did you resolve your issues?

“You didn’t sleep together did you? At least, not in this office, right? Not while I was gone.”

This was the perfect opportunity to joke around with the good old man. Javier knew immediately what you meant when you looked at him. You just stared at each other in silence both giving each other awkward look on purpose.

“Oh, for god’s sake! Why?”

You burst out laughing. Your smile captured Javier’s eyes. It was enchanting.   He knew that you were special since the day you walked into the office. He hasn’t been capable of thinking of anything else. No matter how many women he shared the bed with. All he wanted was you. He knows now that you want the same and that was all that mattered.  

[leviathanswingman]

love is a losing game, chapter 9: drop the guillotine

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7  , Chapter 8, Chapter 10

Lucifer felt a strange kind of peace he'd never felt before. Although perhaps, the words at peace weren't inherently correct to describe the sensation flooding his senses as he lay floating in the middle of a vantablack lake, surrounded by dark woods and even darker shadows.

He spread his fingers and let the murky water run through the gaps, relishing in the almost comforting feeling of forgiving liquid caressing his fingertips. Lucifer closed his eyes, but before he could even take his first deep breath, his body was already sinking to the ground and his lungs were slowly filling with gooey, bitter fluid. He tried to fight his way back to the surface, but his body was dragged to the ground by something bigger than life, a pillar of everything that could've been tied around his middle like a dead-weight.

Bubbles were escaping from his parted lips as he tried to take his last breath. Just as his body reached the murky ground, Lucifer noticed a light shining through the surface.

A hand, bright and colourful in this inky lake of nothingness, was reaching out to him and for some reason, Lucifer felt safe at once. Without any hesitation, he grabbed the hand tightly and felt himself being pulled up again.

With a startle, Lucifer awoke. Strands of hair were falling into his face as his body shot forwards and a drip of sweat ran down his temple. His breath came out in shallow gasps as one hand shot up towards his throat and the other gripped onto whatever was closest to him at the moment.

The room was spinning. His eyes darted back and forth as he took in the sight of his surroundings which were slowly coming to a halt, his heart beating ever so erratically. It took a few moments for his eyesight to clear up and become less disoriented again, but once it did, Lucifer felt the urgent need to curse.

He seemed to be sitting on some sort of examination table in what appeared to be a home praxis.  

Sitting in front of him were two demons, one to his left, seemingly calm and composed, and the other to his right, looking dishevelled and upset. Doctor Naamah and Lord Diavolo.

Only now Lucifer realized that in his post wake up panic, he had grabbed onto Diavolo's forearm and to this moment hadn't let go of it. There were two possibilities as to what had happened: either his body had automatically sought out the most familiar thing in the room or that cursed bonding mark had detected the presence of its origin and grabbed onto it the second Lucifer's self control had slipped.

At once, Lucifer opened his hand and released his grip. For the shortest of moments, Diavolo and his eyes met. There was a certain question in those golden eyes, wet and slick, undeniably obvious and on full display. It was in this exact moment that Lucifer realized that his cover had officially and irrevocably been blown.

But instead of worrying about the chaos that would inevitably follow that realization, Lucifer decided to worry about his current situation first. When he tried to focus, he could still remember the strange aftertaste of an unfortunate dream, but not what had brought him to this place. His memory felt uncomfortably woozy and blotchy.

„Lucifer!“ Diavolo leant forward zealously, desperate and relieved at the same time. Without any hesitation, he grabbed Lucifer by the shoulders and pulled him towards his body, hugging him tightly, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes screwed close.

Despite everything, Lucifer could not help himself. After all -he realized disgruntledly- he was still bonded with Diavolo. Although he tried to deny his advances and refused to melt into the demon's touch, Lucifer felt comforted by the sudden and unexpected physical contact. Yet still, no matter how much his body wanted this, he couldn't allow this to happen, no matter what.

“You can let go now,” he brought out and to his luck, Diavolo obeyed.

Lucifer's breath came out heavy and shallow as he tried to collect himself. His mind and body were at war, entangled in a ferocious battle with no victor in sight. No matter how much he desired to be with Diavolo, realistically he knew that he couldn't afford a luxury this expensive.

With every breath he took, Lucifer's chest rose and sank in an irregular rhythm. It took him another moment to take in his surroundings and relax considerably.

The first thing he had to do was figure out what exactly had happened after he had passed out and hit the ground.

Following, and more importantly, he would have to figure out what exactly Diavolo now knew. After all, Lucifer knew the future demon king well, sometimes perhaps even a bit too well. There was no way he had ended up bringing Lucifer to the doctor himself without there having been a damn good reason for it. Otherwise, he would've just sent Barbatos.

„Diavolo, what in the name of-“ he started and tried to push himself up, only to immediately be pushed back onto the examination table by Diavolo.

„Rest,“ Doctor Naamah's voice came sounding from Lucifer's left.

„That really isn't necessary,“ Lucifer countered in the blink of an eye, having already made up his mind about leaving as quickly as possible. What he needed was space, since generally speaking, space gave him enough time to come up with new plans and even newer excuses. And new excuses, he desperately needed if he wanted to keep his little problem a secret.

Worried, Diavolo tightened his grip on Lucifer's shoulders. „Lucifer, don't be ridiculous. We need to-“

„Oh no, my lord. Let him do as he pleases, it's fine,“ Doctor Naamah countered without moving from her spot at Lucifer's side. „You'll see.“

Although Lucifer still felt dizzy and drowsy, he swung his legs over the edge of the examination table, placed them on the ground and pointedly ignored the way his head started to spin as he lifted his body from the mattress. „There is no need to worry, I can handle myself.“

Diavolo, apparently unsure of what to do with his hands, simply watched him with that strange expression on his face. „You are pushing yourself, aren't you? Come, sit back down again, please,“ he threw in. No matter how hard he tried to forget it, whenever he looked at Lucifer and remembered the sight of that tainted sigil, he felt shivers run down his spine. Why had he been so hell-bent on hiding it? Wasn't Diavolo one of his most trusted companions?

„Although I appreciate your concern, I can assure you I am more than alright,“ Lucifer said stoically.

„More than alright? Lucifer, correct me if I'm wrong here, but being unconscious doesn't really classify as being even remotely alright in my book!“ Diavolo replied, frustrated. All he wanted was for Lucifer to get some rest so he could heal and finally be back in his life again. Perhaps this was a selfish thought, but Diavolo didn't feel all too guilty about having had it. He was long past the point of denying that he wanted to keep Lucifer all to himself.

Lucifer threw him a quick glance, opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, apparently having changed his mind. He crossed his arms, stood up quickly and before he could  even take as much as a step, he started to sway and almost took another swan dive if it hadn't been for Diavolo's quick reflexes.

Diavolo had leapt up from his chair and pulled Lucifer close to his chest, his own arms crossed safely over Lucifer's shoulders as they both took a tumble to the ground.

„See? I knew he wouldn't listen no matter what. Some people need to learn the hard way,“ Doctor Naamah said as she pushed her bangs aside, pinched the bridge of her nose and watched Diavolo pull Lucifer up with him again. „He's got a concussion, but he'll be alright as long as he gets enough rest and doesn't overexert himself.“

„A concussion?! There must be something you can do about that, right?! As long as it makes him all good again! “

„There is no need to coddle me like-“

Diavolo pushed his hair back with shaking fingers. „You looked like you were bleeding out,“ he forced out between clenched teeth. “I thought you were dying. Will you hold me at fault for worrying about you?”

As they kept on bickering, Lucifer ever so kept together despite his head injury and compromised appearance, Diavolo riled up yet still composed, Doctor Naamah watched them.

She threw another glance at Lucifer, who was clearly struggling to keep his balance, looking bothered by his body's lack of cooperation. His right hand travelled up around  his neck until it stood at halt at the back of it, right where his tainted sigil was situated. He could most definitely feel that something was amiss.

Naamah watched her patient as he threw a glance at the demon prince and right in that moment, Naamah knew for a fact that she had been absolutely right in the assumption that Lucifer had bonded with none other than Lord Diavolo himself. She could see it in the way they looked at each other when they thought the other one wasn't paying attention. There was pure devotion in their eyes, the sort of foolish dedication one could only observe within fated lovers. However, Diavolo and Lucifer, no matter how powerful and smart they were, seemed to be utter fools when it was about love.

The doctor sighed. „Lord Diavolo, would you mind leaving us alone for a moment? There is something I need to discuss with Lucifer regarding his sigil.“

At the mention of the bonding mark Lucifer's shoulders tensed up and he pressed his lips together into a tight line. He threw Doctor Naamah a questioning look. „What happened to doctor patient confidentiality?“ he asked, breathing out sharply and rubbing his eyes in an exhausted, almost defeated manner.

Then, Diavolo suddenly chimed in. „She didn't break any laws, Lucifer. I saw your neck when she asked me to help her roll you over. There's no need to hide it anymore, I already know. I saw the sigil. I know this must be an awkward position for you to be in right now,“ he threw in, his voice quiet and soft, not upset anymore. However, there was a certain undertone to his voice that betrayed a sense of hurt, out of sight yet clearly not perfectly stashed away just yet. Although he tried very hard to be supportive and good, Diavolo felt crushed despite his good intentions. No matter how hard he tried to ignore his own feelings, the fact that he had always found Lucifer far too perfect and irresistible tainted his judgement like black ink on a clean sheet of paper.

An unreadable expression ran across Lucifer's face as his eyebrows furrowed and he averted his gaze. Diavolo could hear the way his heart-rate elevated in a matter of seconds. Was it something he said?

„Of course you do, Diavolo.“ Lucifer stated after a short moment of silence. „If you'll excuse us?“

With a short nod Diavolo exited the room, but his thoughts never left Lucifer's side. Something definitely felt off and he needed to find out what exactly that little something was.

As soon as the door fell closed, Lucifer exhaled deeply, his shoulders slumped and he almost immediately dropped his head into his opened palms. „Tell me what happened while I was unconscious. Fill me in, doctor,“ he mumbled as he dragged the palm of his hands down his face just to drop them into his lap. „Tell me what the fuck happened. How come Diavolo knows about my affliction? I thought I was more than clear about the secrecy of the matter.“

The doctor watched him with a careful eye. „And I thought I'd been more than clear about the importance of telling your partner about the bond, but it seems like you disregarded my advice anyway. This is no laughing matter, Lucifer. You know that.“

Naamah walked over to Lucifer and lifted her hand. Before she could so much as touch him, Lucifer gripped her wrist tightly. „What do you think you're doing?“ he brought out and the doctor simply sighed.

„I am going to check on your head wound again, okay? Which, by the way, is also the reason why you're here in the first place. Lord Diavolo carried you here, looking like a fresh corpse. You should thank him, you know that, right? Actually,“ she then added, „I think you owe him a bit more than just an apology. An explanation would be a good start.“

Quickly, Lucifer let go of Naamah's wrist and let her examine the wound on his forehead. For a moment, they both kept quiet as she did her work quickly and efficiently.

Eventually, Lucifer visibly deflated. Although he knew showing any sign of weakness was against his own moral compass, in this moment he knew he could allow himself a tiny moment of existential dread. After he felt a bit more calm again, Lucifer asked about the one thing that kept on haunting his mind. „Did you tell him?“

Naamah rummaged through a drawer before shutting it closed again. „I didn't have to. He saw your pact mark.“

Lucifer froze in place.

He had tried so hard to remain his composure, had removed himself from Diavolo whenever it was needed and had burned even the smallest inadequate thought about his superior down to a burnt crisp, yet in the end, none of his efforts had born any fruits.

In spite of all his efforts, Lucifer had failed ever so miserably. Although it was no laughing matter, he suddenly felt the inexplicable urge to break out in laughter. The strangest of sensations ran through his body, and before he knew what was going on, he felt the sigil burning hot against his flesh. Lucifer hissed and ran his cold fingers over the back of his neck. It was a wrong, feverish heat and all at once, he was nauseous to the core.

The doctor stopped in her tracks and watched Lucifer with a professional eye. „I wish I could be of more help, but there's only so much I can do. You probably know this already, but at this point your head wound is the most insignificant of your problems. You have a concussion, but except for that, you're doing alright. The real issue is your sigil. It's tainted.“

„Tainted? What is that supposed to mean?“

The paper on the examination table rustled eerily in the otherwise silent room as Lucifer adjusted his position.

„It means that you have to make a choice. Actually, it's a choice that's long overdue. If you don't act quickly your life will be in danger. Unclaimed bonding marks are no joke. Not even your body will be able to withstand this game of cat and mouse that you've been playing,“ Naamah said loud enough for only Lucifer to hear, but too quiet for it to echo through the room.

Although the door was closed the walls were still terribly thin, and knowing her wife, there was always the slightest chance that someone was secretly eavesdropping at the door.

„I am no fan of blaming my patients whatsoever, but if you had listened to me from the beginning, you wouldn't be in this mess right now. This is why communication is key. Switching between seeing your partner and avoiding him is literally the worst thing you could do in this situation, and I'm convinced this is exactly what happened here with you. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong though.“

„You-“ Lucifer started, but stopped himself before he could act irrationally, his hand clenched to a tight fist. Getting angry wouldn't solve anything. No matter how offended Lucifer felt by the way this daring doctor was talking to him, he had to admit that her honesty was refreshing. After all, no lies had been told until now.

Instead of choosing to stray as far away from Diavolo as possible, Lucifer had remained by his side -although reluctantly- and had toyed with the magimeds which were supposed to make his life easier and the symptoms better. He had never been one to dismiss the possibility of consequences to his actions, so this revelation nearly didn't shock him. Perhaps, he had seen it coming all along. Had he not been prepared to go down for Diavolo right from the beginning?

In the end, Lucifer was no ordinary demon. What killed others made him only more vicious. Like an abandoned mutt, he refused to go down purely out of spite.

Lucifer's eyes, lit up with a new, absurd sort of dedication, met with Naamah's. „There is nothing for me to correct there, doctor. You are right in your assumptions. There are certainly consequences for my mistakes, so tell me, how much time do you reckon I have left?“

The ticking of a clock echoed through the half-empty room. Lucifer carefully touched his forehead, right where the doctor had placed a band-aid on the already healing head wound.

Naamah simply stared at him incredulously for a few more moments. In the end, she resigned herself to a singular defeated sigh. She was more than used to headstrong demons. However, no demon could rival Lucifer when it was about being stubborn and proud. From the look on his face down to his posture, one thing was clear: there was no way in hell Lucifer would change his mind. By now, it was set.

„Depends on how careful you are. Rule of thumb is the more time you spend with your bond partner without having fulfilled the bond, the quicker the rot starts taking over your body. It's like a parasitic infection.“

Lucifer stroked his chin with his thumb and pointer. „Hm. Alright,“ he mumbled, clearly already lost in his own plans. „Alright.“ This could still go his way. This simply had to go his own way. After all, he was one to command and demand. He wouldn't just buckle under the pressure of fate. Whether it was life or death, whatever was to come would have to take him kicking and growling. Lucifer had never been one to capitulate nicely.

Upon seeing Lucifer's calculated reaction, Naamah knew at once that no matter what, he would neither listen to her nor change his plans.

„As your doctor, I can only advise against what you're about to do.“

Lucifer raised his eyebrows questioningly. „What exactly would that be now?“

She sighed. „I don't know any details, but it's practically written on your face that you've reached a decision. Be smart, Lucifer. Please.“

She received no answer. She had expected as much, but still felt her eye twitch in annoyance faced with this demon's stubbornness. With an exhausted sigh Naamah wiped her brow before walking over to the door, opening it and calling out. „You can come back in, Lord Diavolo! Oh, and could you bring my wife with you?“

As Diavolo walked in, closely followed by Preta, the doctor seemed to relax considerably. „Sweetheart, did you school Lord Diavolo thoroughly?“

Preta's curls bounced as she nodded her head. „Yep! Told him everything he needs to know 'bout caring for concussed patients!“

A tiny smile spread on the doctor's lips as she watched her ever so lively wife. „Thanks, dear.“ She focused back on Lucifer and Diavolo.

„You two should be ready to go. There is nothing left for me to do here, so all I can do is prescribe you a lot of rest and most of all, a break from work until I can fully clear you, you hear me?“

Lucifer crossed one leg over the other, the perfect image of power and strength if it weren't for his body's current weakness. „That certainly isn't necessary, doctor. I heal rather quickly. In the blink of an eye, this will have passed,“ he announced.

„Normally, yes. You, however, are a special case. Your body is preoccupied, so your healing rate is at an abnormally low level.“ She waved her hand towards Diavolo. „Which is why I asked my wife to give Lord Diavolo a quick rundown on what to look out for. Someone needs to keep an eye on you, and he seems more than capable.“

Lucifer stopped dead in his tracks.

Life was a circus and he was the underpaid ringmaster.

The sound of Diavolo's huge, leathery wings flapping in the night was closely followed by the sharp clacking of heels hitting solid ground.

„Diavolo?“

„Yeah?“

Lucifer cleared his throat abashedly. „You can let go of me. Have we not arrived?“

Diavolo's hands were still wound tightly around Lucifer's torso, holding him so close he could almost feel his heartbeat. How dearly he wished to be allowed to hold on forever.

„If you can stand I will let go of you,“ Diavolo said as he grabbed Lucifer's face with one hand and mustered it as if it were an open book.

After a short moment he slowly released Lucifer, who crossed his arms, turned his head away from Diavolo and huffed out a puff of air before he let his hand roam over the back of his neck. „Of course I can stand.“

„You have a concussion.“

„I merely slipped.“

Diavolo took in a deep breath, frustrated, and crossed his arms as well, accidentally mimicking Lucifer's pose. „Lucifer you almost bled out!“ he forced out and his voice came out louder and more upset than anticipated. He cleared his throat, took a miniscule break and stared at his right-hand man with glowing eyes. „You need to take better care of your health. If you won't I might find myself forced to do it for you.“ He paused, took a step forward and pushed Lucifer softly against the brick wall of the house of lamentation, one hand on Lucifer's shoulder, the other straight against the brick wall.

Lucifer didn't waver. He didn't break eye contact with Diavolo, both of them stubborn and headstrong. For a moment, all he could hear was his own heartbeat thundering in his ears. The sigil on the back of his neck felt like it was trying to burn through his bones, down into the very core of his being. Perhaps, it had already managed to do exactly that.

Lucifer grabbed Diavolo by the wrist, still not breaking eye contact. „I don't need pity. If this is why you're acting so strangely, don't. I can manage on my own. This whole situation is entirely my fault. You can drop your misplaced sense of duty, I don't need it,“ he brought out with an eerily calm composure. „I don't need anyone,“ he added, so quiet it was barely audible.

His body was warm under Diavolo's fingers and rigid against the wall. Perhaps, Lucifer allowed  himself the smallest of moments to think how it could be if things were different. He trampled those thoughts as quickly as they'd sprouted from his mind. Was he this weak already, weak enough to foolishly fall back into delusional daydreams? Things would never be different, not for him, never. Happiness had never been his to claim. The last of his childish hopes and dreams had went up in flames the moment his little sister went out like the purest of flames.

Not that he needed happiness. All he needed was himself. There was no one else he should have to rely on, he was plenty powerful already.

Suddenly, Lucifer felt himself brought back to reality as Diavolo straightened his back and took a step back. The air filled with the familiar scent of smoke as he changed out of his demon form and his majestic wings disappeared again. „Let's go inside.“

Lucifer kept quiet for another second, mentally reminding himself of all of the reasons why he shouldn't let Diavolo inside. Not after what had happened last time.

A tiny laugh escaped Lucifer's lips. „Just like that night, huh,“ he said quietly, his eyes travelling up to the starry sky. He felt the immature need to let out a good, strong curse word.

„Like what night?“

Instead of an answer, Lucifer let out a growl. His sigil was burning up and his head felt as if he'd had an unfortunate meeting with smooth alabaster tiles. Oh wait.

His eyebrows pulled together and his hand shot up to the back of his neck.

Of course, Diavolo noticed the change in Lucifer's behaviour. Hell, he'd watched him like a hawk ever since they had left the doctor's house. To be precise, Diavolo had watched Lucifer with that one particular look in his eyes ever since he'd woken up. It was a strange look to describe, after all, Diavolo was quite good at hiding his honest thoughts.

„Lucifer, are you alright?“ Diavolo asked, suddenly far too close again. He gripped Lucifer's shoulders, almost as if he was afraid he'd faint. Lucifer could feel his eye twitch with an onset of annoyance.

„You don't need to worry about me. I'm neither weak nor frail, Diavolo. I'm not going to shatter into pieces the moment you take your eyes off me.“

„That would be quite the foolish thing to think, wouldn't it? However-“

Diavolo put the palm of his hand onto Lucifer's forehead and held it there for a moment. It felt like hot coal against his cold skin. „You have a concussion and we've been out in the cold for far too long already. Let's get you inside.“

Irked by the sudden change of subject, Lucifer furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the demon prince, who still hadn't removed his hand. He stared at him for a moment or two, once again uncertain as to what exactly Diavolo's intentions were. Why would he still feel so comfortable around Lucifer, after everything that'd happened? And even more importantly, why didn't he feel the need to comment on the most pressing issue at hand: the fact that Lucifer had formed a bond with him by accident. After all, it wasn't like Lucifer had caught just a simple cold, no, he had done something unspeakable and highly inappropriate. Although unplanned, it was still completely and undeniably his fault.

Before Lucifer's traitorous mouth could slip and ask Diavolo right then and there about it, he caught himself. There was no need for it, after all. Diavolo didn't owe him any explanations after all. Pushing the prince's hand aside, he nodded his head. “As you wish,” he replied rather coldly and his fingers twitched restlessly.

The house of lamentation seemed to be as lively as usual. Even from the outside, you could tell that most of the brothers were still up and going. For that exact reason, per Lucifer's request, Diavolo and Lucifer were entering through the back door.

After all, they looked quite a mess and it wasn't an everyday occurrence for Lucifer to arrive, covered in dried blood, his forehead plastered with a stark white band-aid, followed by none other than Lord Diavolo himself, who refused to leave him alone.

So they had found themselves having to revert back to sneaking around like teenagers up way past their bedtime.

They turned corner after corner with Lucifer leading the way and luckily for them, they didn't cross ways with any of Lucifer's brothers until they had already arrived in front of Lucifer's room. Mammon just rounded the corner when Lucifer grabbed Diavolo by his tie and pulled him into the room. The door fell shut behind them with Lucifer still holding tightly onto his superior. As he realized the situation he'd put the both of them into, he quickly let go again.

“I apologize. I really don't want to risk any on my brothers seeing me like this right now.” With one hand, Lucifer pushed his hair back, and his fingers caught onto several strands of hair, glued together with dried blood. At once, he felt disgusting and dirty and unkempt. This was anything but seemly. However, nothing about his current situation was even remotely seemly whatsoever.

Diavolo, leaning against the door, watched Lucifer closely and noted the way Lucifer once again seemed to shiver in his thin turtleneck. Without any hesitation, Diavolo lit the fireplace with a snap of his fingers. Caught off guard, Lucifer looked up.

“You didn't have to do that,” he said.

“I know,” Diavolo answered with a small smile on his lips when in all honesty, he'd have preferred to embrace Lucifer until every single cell of his being was filled with Diavolo's fiery heat. But he couldn't allow himself to think in such ways.

“You also don't need to stay here. I am absolutely fine. You can leave, Diavolo. I don't need your help.”

“This, I don't agree with. Have you already forgotten what the good doctor told you?” A cheeky grin spread across Diavolo's face. “You can't get rid of me that easily, Lucifer. You're stuck with me until you're all better.”

Lucifer shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. All he wanted was to be left alone right now. It had been quite the adventurous evening and in addition to his pounding head and tingling sigil, his body felt tired and lethargic. He crossed the room, went over to his closet and pulled a few items out of one his neatly organized drawers, his back turned to Diavolo.

“I suppose there is no convincing you otherwise?”

Diavolo walked over to Lucifer, reached out to touch the side of Lucifer's face, but retracted his hand before it could make contact. Instead, he slapped his hand onto Lucifer's shoulder. “You know me too well, dear friend. Now let's get you lying down. Doctor's orders.”

A disgusted look rushed over Lucifer's face. “Diavolo...I hope you don't really expect me to lie down in my own dirt? I am practically bathed in blood. I am taking a shower.”

Lucifer turned to his bathroom, hand already on the doorknob. He stopped in his tracks as he sensed Diavolo following him. Of course. He took a deep breath and raised an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“What if you collapse while you're in there? We can't have that now, can we? I'm coming with you.”

Today had already been embarrassing enough. What was a little more?

Lucifer allowed himself a minute more in the shower than he usually would. Today,  he had definitely earned this little luxury. Steam was rising around him as for the first time that day, he was able to allow himself to relax a bit. Streams of water, almost too hot in temperature, were falling onto him in thick droplets, cleansing him from head to toe. Lost in thought, Lucifer ran his fingers through his hair, back around to his neck, along the sharp edges of his shoulders.

Then, he heard the slightest movement from behind the shower curtain. “Lucifer?” Diavolo asked, loud and clear.

Lucifer held back the need to slam his head against the shower tiles. He couldn't risk a second concussion. “Surprisingly, I have not slipped and died, Diavolo,” he brought out instead as he turned off the water and opened the shower curtain. He wasn't worried about Diavolo seeing him naked whatsoever. After all, there wasn't anything he hadn't already seen before.

Diavolo was sitting cross-legged against the bathroom door, his eyes covered with both of his hands. The sight almost made Lucifer chuckle. Almost.

After Lucifer had dried off and changed into a silken bathrobe, he took some time to watch the demon prince for the smallest of moments, observed him as he sat against the door with his eyes shielded, ever so hell-bent on allowing Lucifer privacy while simultaneously pushing his boundaries in a way no one else would ever dare to.

The bonding mark twitched dangerously as he couldn't help but find Diavolo endearing. Suddenly, shadowy worms started crawling through Lucifer's skin, wriggling back and forth.

With quick strides, Lucifer walked over to the mirror hanging over the sink, turned around and dropped the bathrobe off his shoulders so that his neck was exposed. As his eyes fell upon the sigil, dark red and intimidating in appearance, encased with ink black roots and blotches, Lucifer couldn't help but let out a flurry of colourful curses, which alerted Diavolo immediately.

He jumped up as soon as he heard the sound leave Lucifer's lips, but stalled in his tracks as he saw Lucifer standing in front of the mirror, bathrobe slid off his shoulders, with his neck craned as he traced his fingers across the sigil Diavolo had only seen once before. The look on his face was unreadable, but certainly strange.

“Lucifer,” Diavolo finally started. He stepped closer to Lucifer, who quickly pulled up his bathrobe and retied it to look at least somewhat less dishevelled.

With shaking hands, he smoothed over the fabric of the bathrobe. “What is it?” he asked, his voice icier than usual. It was easy to see that this was a conversation he was not looking forward to have.

For a moment, Diavolo didn't know how to bring up that one specific topic. Although they were close friends, there had always been a certain boundary between the both of them. Now, he feared, if he continued this conversation, that boundary would inevitably crumble to the ground. Still, Diavolo couldn't forget the sight of Lucifer, limp on the ground, followed in quick succession by the close-up of a strangely familiar sigil, tainted black, on the nape of Lucifer's elegant neck.

And all of a sudden, just like that, the words that had been begging to be released left Diavolo's lips without much hesitation.

“Why didn't you say anything?”

Lucifer froze in his steps. Slowly, he turned around to Diavolo. What was he supposed to say? Suddenly, the damp air felt suffocating instead of comforting. The room was silent except for the dripping of water off the shower head. Although he was nothing near a coward, Lucifer would pay much money to be anywhere but here right now. He had known that sooner or later, he would have to explain himself. Still, that didn't make things easier.

Lucifer pushed wet strands of hair out of his face and forced himself to relax his shoulders. “Let's not do this here,” he said as he opened the door and looked back at Diavolo. He nodded his head towards the door and lead the way, arms crossed and mind far away, back to his room.

Lucifer and Diavolo were sitting on pure white armchairs near the fireplace, face to face. Lucifer was leaning back, one leg crossed over the other, but the unnatural rigidity of his body betrayed his otherwise calm demeanour. Diavolo, on the other hand was leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his sole focus the demon in front of him.

Lucifer took in a deep breath. “You were confused as to why I didn't say anything,” he started and let his hand travel upwards to touch the back of his neck again.

He hated that he had to do this. He hated that the right words failed to come out and seemed to be stuck in his throat. “After I found out about it, I decided to solve this problem by myself. I didn't want to burden you. After all, this is my problem. I didn't see why I should make it yours as well.”

Diavolo didn't move. The expression on his face was serious, mixed in with something else. “Lucifer,” he eventually said quietly. He stood up and crossed the small distance between the chairs. Without hesitation, he caught Lucifer's hands between his own and dropped down next to him. His eyes were big and pleading, shiny like ancient coins, as he looked up at his right-hand man. “What did I do?”

Confused, Lucifer stared down at Diavolo, his cheeks undeniably dusted with a red tint as he took in the sight of his superior on his knees before him. “What did you do?”

“I must've done something to make you distrust me. Otherwise, you would've come to me. How often do I have to tell you that you can rely on me as well?” As Diavolo held onto Lucifer's hands, he let his fingers glide along cold skin, drawing small patterns with his fingertips.

Lucifer's sigil sent a powerful shiver down his spine, almost painful in its intensity. “Diavolo, this is not your fault. I am to blame here. I am the one who overstepped, therefore I shall bear the fruits of my own weakness,” he mumbled, admittedly distracted by the way Diavolo's big hands felt on his own. This had to stop. “I am dealing with this.”

All of a sudden, Diavolo looked up. “But are you really? Shouldn't you be getting better by now?”

For a moment, Lucifer's eyes travelled across Diavolo's face, searching. Something felt off. Was Diavolo teasing him? Or was he perhaps mocking him?

The sigil sent painful shock waves through Lucifer's body and before he could stop himself, he flinched noticeably.

Concerned, Diavolo let go of his hands and raised his hand to Lucifer's neck, but before he could reach it, he was interrupted.

Lucifer had grabbed Diavolo's wrist and was now staring at him with an expression very close to shock. “Don't,” he stated plainly. He could feel inky black roots grow taller, could feel them crawl under his skin along his neck, down to his shoulders. His skin felt like it had been injected with poison.

“Please, just let me help you Lucifer. You don't have to do this all by yourself.”

And there it was again. Whenever he thought he had found a way out, Diavolo managed to pull him back down even further.

Before he could stop it, a sarcastic laugh escaped Lucifer's lips. “That is the entire point. I have to do this by myself, you should know that better than anyone else.”

“Lucifer, why should I-”

“But as usual, you have to stir up trouble and make this difficult for me.” Lucifer let go of Diavolo's hand and quickly stood up. He turned Diavolo his back. “Pray tell, how will you help me with my unclaimed bond?” There, he finally said it. The word felt raw and exposed in the air. “I can't even seem to keep my distance from you,” he forced out and rubbed the sigil. “And do you know what's even more preposterous? If I did, this problem could be solved quite easily!” Lucifer started pacing the room. “I have become such a fool,” he muttered.

Diavolo crossed the room in quick strides, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and worry. He grabbed Lucifer by the wrist and pulled him back around. “Lucifer, what are you talking about? What do I have to do with-”

Lucifer tried to pull his wrist free, but found himself unable to. His head was heavy and his body felt aflame. Then there was a certain emotion filling his heart that he hadn't felt in a long time.

Shame. He felt ashamed. If only he had managed to keep his emotions locked away in that little pandora's box in the back of his mind back then. But he just had to be selfish.

He looked up and his eyes, burning with humiliation, met with Diavolo's.

“Lucifer-”

“Don't feign ignorance,” he growled. “I know that doctor told you all about our bond.”

Diavolo stopped dead in his tracks and his grip around Lucifer's wrist loosened considerably. Did he just hear correctly?

“Our bond?” he asked quietly.

Lucifer used one arm to prop himself up against the wall as the pain in his neck suddenly doubled in intensity and his legs threatened to buckle. His breath came out ragged and heavy. “Whose else?”

Diavolo finally awoke from his momentary shock and looked back at Lucifer. His heart was beating wildly and his hands had started shaking again, but he ignored both in favour of rushing to Lucifer's side.

“I don't need your-”

“What are you talking about?!”

Lucifer's head shot up and his eyes locked with Diavolo's, his own confusion perfectly mirrored in Diavolo's facial expression. He remained silent.

After a few moments, Diavolo straightened his back and raised his head. His eyes were shining like liquid amber in the light of the fireplace as he pressed Lucifer against the wall. He helped him stand up, one arm supporting his waist while his other hand had gripped Lucifer's face.

Diavolo, with a beating heart and a mind upset at what had just been implied, finally asked the one question he had felt too reluctant to ask before, afraid to receive an answer he couldn't bear to hear.

“Lucifer. Who did you bond with?”

The ticking of an ancient clock filled the room as Lucifer stared at Diavolo's fiery expression, for the first time unable to deny what was fact.

“You.”

[alovesongshewrote]

Almost A Thousand Years - 1700/1800 | Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot:  You’ve known Hisirdoux Casperan for almost a thousand years.  You’ve hated him for almost a thousand years.  And for almost a thousand years, you’ve been cursed to feel each others pain.  But somewhere in that time, things changed.  [Hisirdoux Casperan x Mostly Gender Neutral but Probably Female Presenting Based on How Historical Men Treat Them!Reader]

Word Count: 3,898

Warnings:  jack the ripper, reader is called a whore and a wench

A/N:  tis my longest chapter yet!

Back | Next

You hid away for most of the eighteenth century.

You healed when you could, but what happened to Douxie scared you a little more than you’d like to admit.

So you hid.

You found ways to entertain yourself.  You read more, painted a little, continued your medical practice, and learned more about medicine whenever the knowledge became available.  You continued to keep tabs on other immortals.  It was pretty boring except for that time the Americans revolted.  You had to admit it was fun to keep tabs on the scrappy rebellion.  You couldn’t say it out loud as you still lived in England, but you gave a little cheer every time they fought off the British.  You didn’t like authority.  Neither did they.

On the other side of the continent, Douxie did the same things he always did.  Music, magic, work for Merlin.  He also read the book you’d given him.  He liked it.

It was a century of hiding, waiting, and having nothing much to do.  The next century would be the exact opposite. 

--

Jack the Ripper was a dick.

You really didn’t like him.

Douxie didn’t like him either.

And Archie didn’t like him.

So, like in every good piece of media that has a chapter in the nineteenth century, you protagonists teamed up to take down Jack the Ripper.  It was super effective!

You met up with your partners in the fog-filled streets of the White Chapel district soon after the second murder.  In your hands, you held a newspaper covering the recent events.  You approached the wizard and his familiar, but they didn’t see you.  They were caught in a conversation with someone you’d never seen before, a stocky man dressed in a dark overcoat and hat.  The stranger hadn’t noticed you either.  

Silently, you hid in an alley between two nearby buildings.  You couldn’t hear them, but from the stranger’s body language, he seemed a bit defensive, maybe even a little angry.  You sincerely hoped Douxie wasn’t doing anything stupid.

About a minute later, the man stormed off, leaving Douxie and Archie behind.  They still hadn’t noticed you, so you took the opportunity to sneak up on them.

“Hey!”

“Aaaaahhhh, jeez (Y/N)!  Don’t do that!  There’s a killer on the loose!”

“And he’s only killed prostitutes so far, so you should be fine.  Unless there’s something you aren’t telling me?” you joked, raising an eyebrow.

He gave you a small shove, too small to be malicious, “Very funny.  Have you learned anything new?”

“Mhmm, but first,” you turned to Archie, giving him a pat on the head, “Hey Arch, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you for asking,”

“That’s good!  That’s good, anyway, you know they think it’s a doctor, but they received a letter signed ‘Jack the Ripper,’”

“Very fun nickname,”

“Indeed, but it still isn’t much to go off of, the police already doubt it”

“(Y/N), remind me again what your sources are?”  the familiar was right to be suspicious, but you knew your sources were solid.

“I’ve told you Arch, a forensic doctor, he’s a friend of mine and he works with the police,”

“And how do you know you can trust him?”

“I don’t, but they’re publishing the letter soon, so you’ll see it then.  You guys got anything?”

“Not much,”

“Huh.  That isn’t great,” you took a moment before speaking again, “By the way, who was that man you were talking to?  He seemed angry,”

“Oh, him?  He’s just a resident of this area.  I’ve been talking to him for a while, I thought he might know something, but every time I even mention it he gets, well…”

“Like that?”

“Yes, like that,”

You looked out the way the man had gone, “You think he’s a suspect?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely,”

Archie nodded in agreement.

“Well then,” you said, returning the eyes to the face of your accomplices, “Keep an eye on him.  See you next Thursday?”

“Sounds good,”

By next Thursday, another girl was dead.

You met with your team in a (very) shady pub to discuss this development.  Thanks to some connections, you’d snagged a private room where no one else could hear your detective work.

“God DAMMIT, guys, how did we miss this?”  you said, pacing.  Your hands were on your hips, eyes fixed on the floor.  You seriously could not figure out how you missed this.  

On the wall behind you, you’d attached some photos and newspaper clippings to the wall, red yarn connecting them.  You were very ahead of your time.

“I really don’t know,” Douxie was sitting, upside-down, in a chair across from you.  He threw the ball of yarn up in the air, letting it fall, and catching it over and over again. Archie didn’t answer, he was focused too hard on the yarn.

You stopped pacing and glared at your conspiracy wall.  You followed the red string with your finger.  It lead nowhere.  You groaned and ran your fingers through your hair, something that Douxie found alarmingly attractive.  

Ever since you saved his life in the sixteen hundreds, he’d developed a bit of a soft spot for you.  It wasn’t something he was proud of.  But it was fine, you’d developed a soft spot for him too.

“Hey, it’ll be alright, love,”  he said, sitting up properly, “We’ll find this monster, so don’t worry yourself too much,”

You took a deep breath, leaning against your crime wall, “Thanks Doux.  I appreciate it,”

Your voice was slightly sarcastic, but you both smiled still.  Archie frowned, the yarn wasn’t moving anymore.

“So,” you said, turning again to examine the mess of photos and yarn, ”He isn’t an official suspect, but I think this guy, this James Maybrick, seems a little suspicious,” you pointed at his photo, “He’s going to be at this ball thing on Friday.  If we go, we can ask him if he plans on traveling, he lives in Liverpool, and-”

“I’m sorry, he lives where?”

“Liverpool, Arch, pay attention-”

“(Y/N), why do you think he’s coming all the way out to White Chapel to murder these women?”

“Well it isn’t his area, that makes him less of a suspect, and all of the murders have been on Saturdays and Sundays, which gives him time to travel,”

“You might be onto something,” Douxie said, standing and letting the yarn fall to the ground where Archie chased it around, thoroughly distracted, “We can go check it out, but how do we get in?”

You bit your lip, deep in thought, “My doctor friend, he knows the hostess.  He might be able to get us in,”

“Fantastic!”

“There’s just one thing,”

“Yes?”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll have to pretend to be my fiance,”

There was a moment of silence while Douxie considered this.  

You tried to explain yourself, “I-It’s not my first choice either, but high society doesn’t approve of-”

“I’ll do it,”

“And I know it’s inconvenient, but-”

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“I said I’ll do it,”

It was your time to consider, and you considered yourself super lucky to have an accomplice like Douxie.

“Oh my god, thank you!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around his neck, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,”

You couldn’t see Douxie’s face, so he had no idea that he blushed before wrapping his arms around you softly.

“No problem (Y/N), no problem,”

--

Two days later, you were wearing fancy clothes, and freaking out a little.

This was nothing compared to Douxie who was freaking out a lot.  Mostly because you looked absolutely stunning, but also because there was a possible murderer inside the building.  You know, typical stuff.

The two of you stood outside the manor, looking up at the vast estate.  It was beautiful but intimidating.  You turned to your partner in crime-solving, “You ready for this?”

He nodded.

You closed your eyes, swallowed back your anxiety, and linked your arm with his.

“Let’s do it,”

The manor was, simply put, dazzling.  The size of it reminded you of the smaller cathedrals during the sixteenth century.  The floors were marble, the ceiling decorated with a mural, just like the cathedrals you now reminisced.  The room was lit with a large chandelier, the warm light covered the whole room in a glow the colour of honey.  Columns, the same marble as the floor, stood strong around the perimeter.  On one side of the space, an orchestra played.  The center was full of people dancing.  Some people stood at the side of the room speaking, others just observing everything else. It was a crazy party, but only by Victorian standards.  

The sheer amount of activity made you panic a little.  As if Douxie could sense your anxiety, he found one of your hands and squeezed it reassuringly.  You smiled a little, once again thankful for such an amazing partner in crime.

The two of you made your way around the dance floor, checking faces, looking for your suspect.  You didn’t see him.  You and Douxie made a full circle around the room, not seeing your guy.  You were about to suggest finding a higher viewpoint when the hostess of the party stopped you.

She was a plump, elegant woman, draped in the finest of silks.  Her hair shone, and her eyes sparkled.  She was perfectly gorgeous, and perfectly in your way.

“Ah, fuzzbuckets,”

“Oh, my dear (Y/N)!  It is so good to see you, darling!”

“It’s good to see you as well, my Lady,” you returned, bowing slightly.  Douxie followed your lead.

“‘Tis a pity the good doctor couldn’t be with us!  He works so hard, you would think he would come out and dance for an evening!  Just to relax!”  The woman laughed as if wishing the doctor was here was the funniest thing on the planet.  Maybe it was to her Victorian sensibilities.

You laughed an appropriate amount, plastering on a fake smile, and biting your tongue at the irony.  This was the least relaxed you’d been all century.

When the Lady stopped laughing, she noticed Doxie, “Oh, (Y/N), dear, you must tell me who this dashing young gentleman is!  How in heaven did you find such a match?”

“My Lady, this is my fiance, Mr. Casperan,”

“It’s lovely to meet you fair Lady, and might I say that the moon and stars dull in comparison to your eyes; even a goddess of beauty could not hold a candle to your visage,”

You tried to keep cool, but you felt your eyes widen a bit.  You had never heard Douxie speak like that before.  You weren’t sure how it made you feel yet, but clearly, the Lady enjoyed it.  A blush covered her face as she gushed over the wizard for another two minutes.  You spent that time subtly searching the crowd for Maybrick.

Clearly, you were not as subtle as you thought.

“Oh, dear, I see your partner is eyeing the dance floor,” the lady said, her face still painted with a blush.  Her words called you to attention.

“Ah, yes, my apologies my Lady,”

“No worries at all dear child, now go!  Dance the night away!”

“Thank you,” you said, once again bowing.

“It was wonderful speaking with you, my Lady,” Douxie said, following your actions before leading you to the mass of dancing guests.

“She’s watching us,” Douxie whispered to you through clenched teeth, “Can you dance?”

“Not super well, but enough to survive,”

“Just follow my lead,”

Douxie could dance pretty damn well, something you weren’t too surprised by.  He’d spent a lot of time learning music throughout the centuries, you’ would've been a bit surprised if he hadn’t known how.  He was so good, in fact, that you were almost certain he was making you a better dancer just by being near you.  You’d be lying if you said this wasn’t the most fun you’d had in a while.

“So, where’d you learn to flirt like that?”  you asked, your voice low so that no one else could hear you.

“I’ve picked some things up over the years,” he said, spinning you out and then back in again.

“I have to say, I was quite impressed.  I didn’t see that coming,”

He faked a gasp, “Why I’m offended!  You don’t think I can flirt?”

“Well, I didn’t until tonight.  But I stand corrected,” he dipped you, “You can flirt extremely well Hisirdoux Casperan,”

“Thank you, (Y/N) (L/N),”

You both smiled continuing the dance, scanning the crowd for the face of the killer.  And in between that, just staring at each other.

You almost regretted finding the suspect.

You hated to admit that a small part of you had hoped to just dance with Douxie for the next few hours, pretending that you were a couple and that you weren’t magic, and you weren’t immortal, and you hadn’t seen pain and suffering the world over, and he hadn’t been tortured two centuries before.  You just wanted to dance.

But you saw him.

And the good of the humans came before the things you wanted.

“Doux, I see him,”

“Where?”

“To your left and back behind you.  Don’t look at him.  We’ll get off the dance floor, and I’ll question him,”

“Are you sure?”  Douxie thought about elaborating.  About telling you that he didn’t want you to get hurt and that he too, wanted to keep dancing. 

But he didn’t.  And you were sure.

So, you left the dance floor and made your way to the suspect.  You made sure Douxie stayed far enough behind you for his presence to be non-threatening, and made your approach. 

“Wonderful party isn’t it Sir…?”  you waited for him to give you his name.

“Maybrick, Mr. Maybrick,”

“Mr. Maybrick.  A lovely name,” internally, you cursed God for giving Douxie all of the charm and leaving you none.

“May I ask where you’re from Mr. Maybrick?”  

“I’m from around here, Liverpool.  May I ask who's asking?”

“I-”

“(Y/N), dear!  Where have you put that lovely boy of yours!  I have some friends he simply must meet!” 

You could not believe that the hostess was interrupting you yet again.  This time, Maybrick actually ran from you.  You cursed under your breath.  The Lady was far enough away that you could pretend not to hear her.  You could still catch the suspect, you just had to run a little.  In the outfit you were wearing, it would be next to impossible, but you really didn’t want to talk to the hostess again, so you gestured for Douxie to follow, and you chased after Maybrick.

You ran through the ballroom, dodging patrons and maneuvering around dancers.  It felt almost like a fairytale; Cinderella if the princess had to chase down a dangerous serial killer instead of just flee the ball.  

The suspect ran out the front doors, and you followed him, Douxie close behind.  The night air was cool on your skin, a nice contrast to the warmth of the ballroom.  You lost a shoe, and your hair was slowly turning into more and more of a mess, but you didn’t care, you wanted to catch this guy.

You did not catch that guy. 

A horse-drawn carriage was waiting for him at the end of the lane.  There was no way you could compete with that.  Not unless Archie would shapeshift into a horse for the sake of catching a possible criminal.

A black stallion pulled up beside you.

It was Archie, shapeshifted into a horse for the sake of catching a possible criminal.  You manifested your hot girl mystery-solving arc.

“Get on!”  both Douxie and Archie exclaimed, Douxie offering you a hand up.  You took it, jumping onto Archie’s back, wrapping your arms around the wizard's waist, and riding after the carriage.

The night was dark, and the carriage moved fast.  Archie kept up pretty well for a familiar with two people on his back.  He went so fast that all you could do was cling to Douxie for dear life as the dark world blurred around you.  It was not for a lack of trying, but eventually, you lost them.

“You did good Arch, you did good,”

“Thank you, Archie,” you said, forehead buried in Douxie’s back.

“I appreciate the thanks, but it isn’t over yet.  We left all of our stuff back at the manor, so we should return,”

“That’s probably a good idea,”

The journey back showed you how far you’d gone.  Needless to say, you were super proud of Archie.  You’d have to remind yourself to get him some fish later.

When you arrived back at the manor, the party was still going.  You could hear the music from the outside.  You dismounted Archie and leaned against his side.

“All of this,” you groaned out, “for nothing,”

“Well it wasn’t exactly for nothing,” Douxie said, stretching his arms above his head, “Maybrick ran from us, that’s suspicious.  I think we can officially call him a suspect.  Here,” he threw your missing shoe your way, “You dropped this,”

You smiled, leaning on Archie for support as you slipped it back on, “Thanks,”

“My pleasure,”

You laughed.  The stars above you caught your eye.  They were so beautiful tonight.  The music was nice too.  Everything was so peaceful.

It reminded you of another night, centuries ago, when you’d been allowed to rant and rave, and the wizard just listened to you.

“Hey, Douxie?”  

“Yes, love?”

You hesitated, trying to think of something to say.  Eventually, you came up with, “We’re still enemies after this, right?”

He laughed a little.  It sounded kind of sad, “If you want us to be,”

At that moment, you didn’t know what you wanted.

That’s a lie, you wanted to kiss Douxie.

But you hadn’t figured it out just yet, so, for now, you just stared at his lips, wondering what that feeling was, and listening to the song end.

“We should head back,”

“I guess we should,”

Neither of you were satisfied with this outcome.

--

You wouldn’t be satisfied until you caught the killer, or as it turned out, killers.

You’d been back at the pub, obsessing over the crime wall, tracing the red yarn over and over again.  Doux and Archie were starting to worry about your health.  Then you cracked the code.

“What if,” you said, turning from the wall, “There’s more than one,”

“More than one?”

“Yeah, more than one killer.  There’s more than one person involved here,”

The wizard and his familiar exchanged a look.  Maybe you were sleep-deprived and in need of a nap, but maybe you were onto something, “Go on,”

“Think about it, we’ve got multiple leads, some doctors, some live in the area, some have the motive, some are just suspicious, but none of them have everything they need to commit murder.  What if they’re working together?”

“Keep talking,”

“Look, here,” you said, pointing at a photo of a suspect, “Johnson Druitt, he lives in the white chapel area and has the anatomical knowledge,” you moved to another photo, this one a sketch, “Barnett, his roommate works the streets, he’s in love with her and we know he hates her job.  If he killed those other women to scare her, he has a motive,” you moved on again, “And Maybrick,”  you stopped, trying to piece together his role in this grand conspiracy.

“He’d have the funds to cover it up, plus the interest in the case,”

You spun around to face the wizard, “Douxie, you’re brilliant!”

You took a step back from the wall, taking in your work, “So, what do we do now?”

“Simple,” Douxie said, resting an elbow on your shoulder, “We go after him,”

--

You didn’t mind being bait.  Really, you didn’t.  But you did find it boring.

You’d been walking around this general area for two hours now, this disguise was uncomfortable, and you just wanted something else to do.  Then your wish came true!

Two men approached you from the front, both short in stature with well-kept moustaches.  You hid a smile, the three killer theory proving itself correct.  You walked forward, your peripheral vision focused on the men.  

The three of you kept walking.

You passed between them.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?”

They stopped, you continued on.

“Excuse me, dearie?”

“Yes?”  you purred, turning to them.  

Then you were grabbed from behind.  Fortunately, you expected that little trick, grabbing the stranger and flipping him over your body.  The man landed on the pavement with a thud.  You grinned as the three men looked at you, faces full of shock.  Unfortunately, it wore off, and the three advanced.

The first one threw a decent punch, but you dodged, forcing him to punch one of his partners.  You swept the legs out from under the third.

The first two had recovered and were coming at you again, this time with blades.  It was this moment when you noticed the blood on their coats.  It wasn’t theirs, or yours for that matter.  Yep, these were definitely your guys.  

The first blade missed you, the second one just grazed your side.  You bit down a cry of pain, sincerely hoping that blade was clean.  You could see Douxie emerge from his hiding place; clearly, he’d felt the sting of the metal too.

But you didn’t have time to focus on Douxie, you had to fight.  

You threw a few punches of your own, knocking the duo back into the street and closer to the wizard.

“Gah, you wENCH!!” one of them exclaimed.

“Kill the whore!!”  

You could see the rage in their faces, but that wasn’t as important as the fact that you could see their faces.  Maybrick and Druitt.  Your theory was right!  Your excitement fell away as they advanced.

Then they both fell into limbo.  

The portal down glowed blue around them.  Douxie stood behind the gateway, looking very proud of himself.

You would have laughed at their misfortune and Doux’s pride if you hadn’t been grabbed from behind again.

You cried out in surprise, catching the attention of the wizard.

“(Y/N)!”

“Don’t come any closer!” you felt the cold of a blade on your throat.  This wouldn’t end well.

“Come on now, don’t make any rash decisions,” Douxie’s hands were raised in surrender, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’ll kill the wench!  I’ll do it!”

“Hey, don’t-”

“My Mary is dead!  There’s nothing left!  I’ll kill her!”

“Wait, who's dead?”

“My girl,” the man sobbed, his grasp on you weakening, “My Mary Kelly, I’ve lost her!  She’s gone!”

You may have felt bad for this guy if he hadn’t been absolutely insane.  You took his distracted state as a chance and broke from his hold, pushing yourself away from him.

“Douxie!  Now!”

The portal to limbo opened under the man.  He had no time to react as he fell into the other dimension.

You looked down into the gateway, a blue pool in the middle of a dull cobblestone street.  You sighed with relief as the blue magic sealed itself shut, leaving the night dark again.

“Nice work,”

“Thanks,”

Lights came on in the windows around you.  In the distance, you heard shouting.

“We should get out of here,”

“Good idea.  See you next century?”

“Oh, absolutely.  Say goodbye to Arch for me,”

“Will do,”

And you slipped away into the night, excited by this latest adventure, but still wanting more.

[tiramisiyu]

【未定事件簿】 Tears of Themis: 【倾落心扉】 Xia Yan | Falling into the Heart Date Translation

Translation Masterlist | Xia Yan Masterlist

Video

Another date from early on in the timeline (seems like it happens right after MC and Xia Yan’s reunion in Chapter 1).

All Xia Yan dates have now been translated!

--

PART 1

Home

Recently, it’s been raining nonstop for the past few days. It finally cleared up when weekend arrived.

I pulled open the curtains. Just when I was pondering about where to go walk around, my phone on the table vibrated. It was Xia Yan.

Xia Yan: MC, do you have time today?

MC: Mhmm, what’s up? Got something that you need my help for?

Xia Yan: You can count it as help. I just received a very interesting multinational commission and wanted to find you to go together.

MC: Multinational…?

Xia Yan: Yeah, the client settled outside the country a long time ago and requested that I get something from his old house. It’s rare for the weather to be this good, so how about it – are you coming?

MC: (Looks like you calling me out to help is just an act, and you actually just want to relieve boredom…)

MC: Okay, where are we meeting?

Xia Yan: Heh heh, I’m just downstairs at your place. Hurry!

MC: Downstairs?!

As soon as I got downstairs, I saw a taxi stopped at the roadside. Xia Yan stuck out his head from the taxi window, smiling as he waved at me. Seeing him look full of vivacity, I also couldn’t resist waving at him and rushing over.

-

Taxi

As soon as I got on the car, I heard Xia Yan urge the taxi driver to immediately set out.

MC: You’re in this much of a rush? Where are we going?

Xia Yan: We’re going to a suburban villa area. The thing we need to get is placed in an old house there.

MC: For a matter as simple as “helping get and deliver”, does it really need one to specifically seek a detective?

Xia Yan: I often receive commissions about extraction of material evidence. It’s just that this time is somewhat special. My client is old and needs to take care of her severely ill husband and can’t personally return right now. She only found me after inquiring in many places.

MC: She specifically sought you?

Xia Yan: Naturally. I’m different from other detectives!

Different? Speaking of the largest difference between him and other detectives…

MC: I remember that you opened an antiques shop… could it be that the client wants you to find something old?

Xia Yan: That’s right! The old thing we’re looking for is a vintage magnetic tape.

Vintage tapes sounded right off the bat like an item with an extreme feeling of age. Update speeds to current recording equipment were becoming faster and faster, and magnetic tapes already had been submerged in the currents of history – they were rarely mentioned.

MC: (She specifically sought out a detective to get a magnetic tape… could there be something very important in it?)

Xia Yan: Are you curious about what important things are in the tape?

Was it because he saw me not speak for too long? Xia Yan suddenly said what I was thinking.

MC: Mm… ah! If the client requires you to keep it secret, then don’t say it…

Xia Yan: You’re my assistant, so of course you can ask. Plus, I trust you.

Xia Yan: Although the taxi can only stop near the villa area. We still have to walk for a while to get to our target destination, so let’s save our energy. I’ll tell you about it slowly when we get to our destination.

MC: Mm!

--

Outside Suburban Villas

MC: We finally made it!

The route to the villa area was complicated, just like a maze. Our trip was full of circles and turns, and we finally arrived at our destination.

Xia Yan: I originally just wanted to take you out for a breath of fresh air and to get some exercise on the side. Didn’t think that your stamina would be so good. If I take you mountain-climbing, you probably would be fine, right?

MC: That’s for sure! Got a new level of respect for me this time?

Xia Yan: During this period of time, have the times that I’ve gotten a new level of respect for you been few, great-law-yer?

MC: Your praise is too much, alright? Great-detec-tive!

MC: The client probably gave you keys, right? You should hurry and open the door.

Xia Yan took a key out from his jacket and carefully opened the main door. When he pushed the door, the particular scent of wooden furniture blew in our faces.

 --

Old Western House

Time had eroded at the old house’s surface bricks and tiles, but they had never truly been stepped on. Refined and stylish wooden furniture, indigo porcelain flower vases, and crystal chandeliers that were dark, but sparkled under the sunlight… In the silence of time, it told of a secret that was only theirs.

MC: Whoa… I feel like the two people who lived here originally have got a pretty good taste in life.  

Xia Yan: Based on the materials they provided, this house’s owner was an intellectual with an affluent family background.

MC: Is that so - no wonder I see so many books and scrolls.

MC: Oh right, you haven’t told me about the magnetic tape.

Xia Yan: … Actually, the client isn’t clear on exactly what is in the tape.

PART 2

Xia Yan: … Actually, the client isn’t clear on exactly what is in the tape.

MC: Eh? Then she’s searching for this…

Xia Yan: To help her severely-ill husband recover his memories.

MC: Recover his memories?

Xia Yan: Mm, this is also one of the most important reasons why I took this commission.

Xia Yan: The client is an old grandma of over 60 years old. The grandma’s husband got into an accident over ten years ago, and after surgery, got retrograde amnesia. Typical patients won’t be able to recall certain segments of memories from before the accident, but the grandpa’s situation is extremely severe. He’s basically completely forgotten all past matters…

MC: Then the grandma must be very sad…

Xia Yan: Though she’s sad, the grandma has never given up. She’s kept searching for a way to recover the grandpa’s memories. This year, the grandpa suddenly kept repeating about the tape. The grandma was seriously happy and looked all over the house, but didn’t find the tape that the grandpa was talking about.

MC: So the grandma thought, could the thing be left in the old house from before leaving the country?

Xia Yan: Bingo!

Smiling, Xia Yan winked at me.

MC: Something that can help him remember things must be very important to him.

I originally thought that this was a simple trip to search for something. I never would’ve thought that this kind of story was behind it… I silently made up my mind that I wouldn’t give up before upturning the house upside down!

MC: Then let’s start searching now!

I rolled up my sleeves, preparing to start my so-called “carpet-style” search, when Xia Yan tugged at my arm.

Xia Yan: You aren’t planning to start searching like this, right?

MC: Like this…? Like what? Is something wrong?

Xia Yan: Wait a bit.

Xia Yan pulled out two pairs of gloves from his pocket.

Xia Yan: There’s a layer of dust all over the place here. I brought gloves – stick out your hands, I’ll put them on for you. After all, it’s better to be a little careful when rummaging through things everywhere.

I stuck out my hands, and Xia Yan put the gloves on me.

MC: Thank you… I was just rushing to search and didn’t pay attention to that…

Xia Yan: No big deal. When you’re searching in a moment, remember to watch out for if there’s a safe anywhere.

MC: Aren’t we looking for the tape? Why are we also looking for the safe?

Xia Yan: Apparently, before the grandpa moved, he specifically bought a safe, saying that he wanted to put something in it. The grandma didn’t pay much attention to it back then, as she thought that it was for stuff like real estate documents. Later, when she was looking for things, she noticed that these documents were all nearby. Only then did she feel that something was off. So she suggested to us that, if we can’t find the tape anywhere, it might be in that safe.

MC: I understand. But if we really find the safe, did she tell you the passcode—

Hearing me ask about the passcode, Xia Yan heaved a heavy sigh.

MC: …I forgot that he forgot.

Why does that sound a bit like a tongue-twister…

Xia Yan: The grandma also did her best to ask, but unfortunately, she got nothing. But she did provide us with a clue. She said that in the past, the grandpa loved making sudoku puzzles to work on with her. Maybe this time, it also…

Making sudoku puzzles for the grandma? I remembered that in the past, Xia Yan loved to have me solve his math competition questions, waiting for me to beg him after I couldn’t solve them…

MC: The grandpa must have been a science student…

Xia Yan: Wrong, the grandpa comes from humanities studies. The grandma’s the one in science.

MC: Eh? So he was just flexing his slight skill to an expert when he made those puzzles for the grandma…

Xia Yan: About this…

Xia Yan showed a meaningful smile, deliberately dragging out the last word.

MC: If you’ve got something to say, then say it. Don’t keep me in suspense!

Xia Yan: I was just about to say it!

Xia Yan: When the grandma was recalling it, she remembered when the grandpa confessed to her at the beginning, he sent her a confession sudoku.

MC: … The grandpa really was serious.

Xia Yan: Yeah. It’s just a pity that it’s been too long and the grandma can’t find that sudoku anymore.

Xia Yan: Although this is only our guess. If they really didn’t leave any way to crack the code, I can only…

Only do what…? Could he have brought a tool that can crack open safes?

Xia Yan: Find a lock-opening company after reporting it to my client…

MC: I thought that you were going to take out another high-tech tool.

Xia Yan: Even if I did have one, we still have to go through authorized processes.

MC: I’m joking – could you actually have that kind of tool?

Xia Yan: Of course!

Xia Yan: Alright. The house is so big, so let’s divide and conquer – you take the left and I’ll take the right to save time.

MC: Okay.

Xia Yan I split up, using the bookshelf in the middle of the house as the boundary. The junk room, kitchen, cloakroom. I searched each room one by one, and all were completely empty. No point bringing up the tape and the safe… I didn’t even have the chance to rummage through the cabinets a few more times…

MC: They were way too thorough when moving houses… aside from books, there are only books. Was it because they were too heavy and couldn’t be moved over? There’s only this bookroom left… finally, I can see some other –

Just when I walked in, I saw a magnetic tape player placed on the book table.

MC: Could it be in the tape player?!

PART 3

MC: Could it be in the tape player?!

I expectantly opened the case slot of the tape player on the table. It was still as empty as everything before. After closing the tape player, I turned around, seeing Xia Yan walk into the book room. The gloves he’d originally been wearing had already been taken off.

MC: You’re also done searching? How’s the situation?

Xia Yan: I haven’t gotten anything for now on that side. What about you?

MC: Same here… it’s empty everywhere.

MC: But there are a lot of things in the book room, and there’s also an empty magnetic tape player on the table.

Xia Yan: The grandpa probably listened to the tape often in the book room, so he placed it here. If so, the tape won’t be placed somewhere very far from the tape player. It must be inside the book room.

MC: If the grandpa really did put the tape in the safe, then the safe should also been in the book room.

Xia Yan: That’s right! Let’s search together!

We rummaged through every corner of the bookroom, but we still didn’t find any traces of the tape or the safe.

MC: Ugh, there’s only this bookshelf left…

A large, tall bookshelf was placed on the left side of the book room. There were cabinets that could be pulled open at the bottom, and there were rows of shelves stuffed with books at the top.

MC: There are a lot of things on here…

Xia Yan: This bookshelf is too high, so I’ll search it. You haven’t rested yet, so do you want to sit for a moment?

MC: I’m fine. The great detective hasn’t rested, so how could the assistant that I am also take a rest? You search the top and I’ll search the bottom – we’ll still divide the work!

Xia Yan: As you wish, master assistant!

Even Xia Yan couldn’t completely reach the topmost level of this bookshelf. I was just about to suggest bringing in a chair to boost him up when I saw him carrying in a step stool inside. After setting up the step stool, Xia Yan mibly stepped on. I hurriedly reached out to support the edge of the step stool for him to maintain its balance.

Xia Yan: Don’t worry. I just tried it – this step stool is very secure.

MC: That’s good, but it looks like it’s swaying a little to me – be careful.

I crouched down and opened the bookshelf’s lowermost cabinet. It was piled full with all sorts of book collections inside, and I didn’t notice anything aside from that. I closed the cabinet, stood up, and tilted my head up to look towards the upper shelves. All sorts of books were placed on the shelves; with one glance, I saw—

MC: Sudoku practice question collection?

Remembering the guess that the grandma had said before, I took out that practice question collection. After casually flipping through a few pages, I saw that all the problems had been completed.

MC: (It seems like… there isn’t anything special… in here…)

I held up the practice question collection, wanting to hand it to Xia Yan. I didn’t realize that a little paper slip would fall out from between the pages.

MC: !!!

There was a sudoku problem on the paper. On the problem, there were 16 empty circles, forming a heart shape. There were also pen marks at the top of the problem!

MC: “The world decodes the language of flowers. Only you decode my heart.”

MC: (2… 1… 4… no matter how you look at it, these three numbers in the middle are like that of a confession…)

--

[Flashback]

Xia Yan: When the grandma was recalling it, she remembered when the grandpa confessed to her at the beginning, he sent her a confession sudoku.

MC: … The grandpa really was serious.

Xia Yan: Yeah. It’s just a pity that it’s been too long, and the grandma can’t find that sudoku anymore.

[Flashback end]

--

MC: Could it be…

I rushed to pick up that sheet of paper and called Xia Yan’s name.

MC: Xia Yan! I’ve noticed something major!!!

Xia Yan: What did you notice?

Hearing my shouts, Xia Yan rushed to jump down from the step stool.

MC: Guess!

I hid the paper behind my body, wanting to tease him.

Xia Yan: Did you find the sudoku problem that’s suspected to be the passcode?

MC: I guess so… although how did you know that it was a sudoku?

Xia Yan: I noticed a safe behind the pile of books on the uppermost shelf of the bookshelf. Not to mention, you’re holding a sudoku practice question collection – I just needed to link them up to guess it.

MC: I just thought that I noticed that confession sudoku that the grandma couldn’t find. So there really was a safe.

MC: Look.

I handed the sheet I was holding over to Xia Yan.

Xia Yan: !!!

MC: What’s the matter? You seem really surprised…?

Xia Yan: I-it’s nothing… I just happened to have seen this problem before…

How could Xia Yan have seen this problem before… could he have specifically investigated after hearing about the grandma’s memories?

MC: What a coincidence! Do you still remember the answer?

Xia Yan: I remember, I remember! Even if I never saw this before, I could still solve it!

Xia Yan: The way to solve this problem is very easy. Under sudoku’s general rules, the 16 empty circles must be filled with even numbers. Fill in the odd numbers of each 3 x 3 area first, and the answer in the circles will naturally be solved. Wanna try?

PART 4

Xia Yan: Wanna try?

MC: Me? Sure!

I sat beside the table, and Xia Yan handed me a pen.

MC: In the upper left corner, aside from the two circles, the remaining three squares should be filled in with 1, 3, and 9 individually… The first column already has 1 and 9, so the upper left corner should be filled with 3… If the middle square is filled with 9, then the rightmost square in the second row should be filled with one, but that column already has a 1…

MC: So it should be filled with 1, and the remaining square should be filled with 9!

Xia Yan: That’s right. Even though we only filled in three numbers, we can use this to derive the numbers in the other squares.

Xia Yan: Come on, let’s keep going with the next!

Under Xia Yan’s patient guidance, I finally finished solving this sudoku.

MC: 16 circles – a typical person wouldn’t set up such a long passcode…

Xia Yan: Ah… I forgot to tell you that the safe that I noticed only has a three-digit password.

MC: This problem just happens to have three empty circles. But three numbers can be ordered in six ways.

MC: A typical safe only allows you to enter the wrong code three times, and we don’t have other clues…

Xia Yan: Looks like we can only hope to get lucky.

MC: Then do you want to try?

Xia Yan stepped on the step stool again.

Xia Yan: 2, 4, 6…

Beep beep—

The passcode lock was opened.

Xia Yan: We got it this easily – it opened on our first try!

MC: See if the tape is in the box!

Xia Yan: Let me see…

Both of Xia Yan’s hands felt inside. I noticed that the newspaper beside his hand seemed to be about to slip off…

MC: Xia Yan, be careful about the newspaper beside your hand.

Xia Yan: I know. There’s something in the box, so I’ll get it out first.

MC: Okay…

I tilted my head up, looking at Xia Yan. He turned around, handing the thing he had found to me, with his left hand stably holding onto those old newspapers that were about to fall. The dust covering the top was stirred by his movements, floating slowly in the air, drawing out subtle marks. An orangey light shone on his body, covering him in a sweet, honey-like colour.

>Select: Leg

MC: Sit down a bit – I feel like your sitting position right now is a bit dangerous…

Xia Yan: Don’t worry – my sense of balance is very good, and I won’t fall down.

>Select: Leg (2)

Xia Yan: W-what are you doing…

MC: Some… some dust fell there! So I…

>Select: Leg (3)

MC: (I’m really jealous of guys with long legs…)

>Select: Stool

MC: I’ve wanted to ask from the start – where did you find this ladder?

Xia Yan: I saw it earlier when we passed by the stairs – back then, I felt a strong premonition. Sure enough, it came in handy!

>Select: Stool (2)

MC: (The ladder is a triangular structure… it should be very stable.)

>Select: Stool (3)

MC: (Though it’s very stable, it’s still better to not bump into it for Xia Yan’s safety…)

>Select: File

MC: (So it was a leather file envelope after all…)

>Select: File (2)

MC: (It doesn’t look like it has a magnetic tape inside…)

>Select: File (3)

MC: (Whatever – without X-ray vision, I won’t be able to see anything just from looking…)

>Select: Ellipses

Xia Yan waved the hand holding the leather file envelope in front of me, calling me back to reality.

MC: What?

Xia Yan: No wonder you didn’t pay any attention to me no matter how I called at you. Turns out you were zoning out. Quick, take the file envelope – I’m still holding up the newspapers on top, and I don’t have hands to spare for now.

MC: Mm, sure!

MC: Wait… a-achoo!

The pretty dust under the light had now found its way into my nose. I hadn’t taken the file envelope when I sneezed in Xia Yan’s direction.

His seating position was unstable, and only after some messy movements did he manage to maintain his bit of balance on the stool supporting him.

MC: …

Xia Yan: Q-quick, back up a bit!

Seeing Xia Yan look so panicked on the ladder, I hurriedly retreated by a few steps.

MC: S-sorry, the dust…

Xia Yan: I’m not blaming you – I’m just afraid that you won’t be able to dodge if I really do fall.

So Xia Yan’s panicked look just now was out of worry for me…

MC: I’m fine – you should hurry down from the ladder.

Xia Yan: Sure.

Xia Yan handed the file envelope to me. I was just about to take it, when the dust scattered by the old newspapers made him sneeze successively, multiple times.

Xia Yan: A-achoo--!

Xia Yan retracted his left hand slightly, and the newspapers on the bookshelf suddenly fell down in a pile!

Xia Yan: Ah! Careful--!

With my attention previously fixed on the file envelope, I couldn’t duck away at all!

Amidst the panic, I unconsciously closed my eyes.

  PART 5

I heard the heavy sound of the ladder toppling down, but the pain I was expecting never struck. Xia Yan’s warm hand protected my head from behind, serving as the cushion between me and the floorboards.

I opened my eyes. Xia Yan’s and my faces were very close.

MC: …?

After my thoughts stagnated for a few seconds, I gradually came to from my surprise.

MC: Xia Yan? Are you alright?

Xia Yan: Huh?!

It seemed like he hadn’t recovered from this accident yet. His wide-open eyes stared right at me.

The distance between him and me was way too close – only then did I notice that I had never clearly seen his eyes. That beautiful coral colour made me unable to resist recalling the fairytale I read when I was little – the skirt of Princess Aurora.* Because we were so close, I could even clearly see me, at an utter loss, in his eyes.

MC: The things that fell just now crashed into your head – lower it and let me see…

Xia Yan remained frozen still in his original place, staring straight at me.

Xia Yan: Your eyes…

MC: Hm?

Xia Yan: Are really beautiful…

Xia Yan: They look like... a sky full of stars are hidden in them…

Xia Yan lowered his body, and the distance between him and I gradually—

Ding—

A crisp sound echoed in the quiet room. That key that Xia Yan always wore on his neck clinked lightly against the decoration on my blouse’s collar.

I suddenly regained my wits and immediately felt the heat on my cheeks.

MC: !!

Xia Yan: !!!

Xia Yan pulled away, fast as lightning, and awkwardly moved his gaze elsewhere. Those scattered, old newspapers covered his body, scattering innumerable particles into the air. The moment he moved his gaze from me, I saw that his cheeks and ears had been dyed with a distinct pink colour. Right when I was also somewhat unsure of what to do, I saw the file envelope that had fallen on the side from the corner of my eye—

MC: W-where’s the file envelope you were holding…

Xia Yan: Ah… ah! I’ll get up now and grab it!

As if he’d just woken up, Xia Yan straightened his body in front of me, bringing the sunshine scent he had that I’d smelled from a slight breeze. His slightly rapid breathing revealed his inner panic – he looked basically like a different person from the normal him.

Xia Yan: Does it hurt from the fall?!

MC: … No.

He shifted his gaze away again, turning his head and picking up the leather envelope on the ground. His embarrassed expression still did not fade away. I patted my chest, grateful that he had pulled away after getting up – otherwise, he would definitely hear my over-the-top heartbeat.

MC & Xia Yan: I…

…

MC: Hurry, open and see what’s inside…

Xia Yan: Mhmm…

Xia Yan rapidly untied the string loop at the back of the envelope.

Xia Yan: As expected, it was the tape! Now the commission’s been smoothly completed!

Xia Yan: … Speaking of which, aren’t you curious?

MC: Curious about what? The things in the tape?

Xia Yan nodded.

MC: I keep feeling like it’ll have something to do with the grandma…

He looked at me, seeming to smile yet also seeming to not smile. Only after a while did he say a few carefree words.

Xia Yan: That’s also what I think.

The moment his and my eyes met, my heartbeat suspiciously accelerated a bit.

MC: Could it be for the same reason as me?

Xia Yan: … I was just kind of thinking from another position.

MC: Hm?

Xia Yan: If it were me, what I least want to forget… is definitely you.

Xia Yan: Wait no – no matter what happens, I will definitely, definitely not forget you.

Xia Yan’s tone was incomparably solemn, leaving me at somewhat of a loss.

MC: Why did you suddenly…

Xia Yan: Those precious memories with you – if they were just words on a journal or the sounds on a tape… that would be too much of a waste!

He looked at me, showing his typical smile again. The orange light smoothed the curve of his mouth until it was just right. I felt like, no matter who it was, anyone would be infected by his warmth.

MC: I… there’s dust on your face – I’ll wipe it for you…

I didn’t know what to say, and when I saw the dust on the side of his face, I hurried to take out a handkerchief and wipe it for him. When the dust had been wiped, I looked back at Xia Yan… his face… was really red…

>Is it because it’s hot? >Embarrassed until his face got red?

MC: Xia Yan… your face is really red… Are you too tired from running up and down just now?

Xia Yan: Ah… yeah! It must be because it’s been too long since I worked out! Starting from tomorrow, I’ll double my original workout plan and make up for it!

MC: Is that needed…

  >Is it because it’s hot? >Embarrassed until his face got red?

MC: I’m just helping you wipe it – why is your face as red as an apple? When we were little, you’d go out and run all over the place and return completely dirty, and I also helped you wipe your face like this…

Xia Yan: Haha, don’t bring up the embarrassing things from when we were small – back then, I didn’t know anything. But after splitting apart for so long… there are some things… that I inevitably learned.

MC: …

 --

Xia Yan: Aiya, the floor’s a mess – I’ll clean up.

MC: I’ll help!

After finding the tape, Xia Yan and I returned the papers and books that had fallen on the floor back to their original places.

Xia Yan: Let’s go – we’re done cleaning up, so let’s go home!

MC: Mhmm.

Under Xia Yan’s urging, we left this remote mansion with the tape we had found.

  TL Note: 

*Not sure if this is referring to Sleeping Beauty? I don’t remember pretty eyes and skirts being major points in her story though…

  PART 6

TL Note: Italicized content (except for locations) were originally written in English in the game, not Chinese.

Antiques Shop

After getting back to the antiques shop, Xia Yan took out an audio reader from who-knows-where.

MC: With this, you’re planning to…?

Xia Yan: Oh, if I didn’t get my client’s approval, I wouldn’t randomly mess with it. The client this time specifically hoped that I could transfer the contents of the tape into an audio recording file and send it to her.

MC: That’s true. Very few families these days would have this kind of old-fashioned tape player.

Xia Yan placed the tape into the audio reader, connecting the recoding wire to the audio reader’s terminal.

Xia Yan: Alright! We can start.

Xia Yan pressed the play button. An inexperienced, youthful sound flowed out from the speaker.

Young Girl: “That…”

The owner of the voice was a very brisk girl.

Young Girl: “I’m too direct when I speak. I know you also like… uh… no! I found out from your friend that you like to listen to music. If you can understand this song… Do your best to not make me, a girl, take the initiative to confess! Dummy!”

After a short pause, the clear sound of the girl’s singing rung out…

Young Girl: “Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older…”

She had clearly been so straightforward when she spoke, but when she sang, it was extremely gentle. A girl wearing earbuds, swaying gently with the music seemed to appear before my eyes… She used her own gentle voice, eyes, and movements… doing all within her ability to express her most sincere love to the recipient.

MC: What song is this? It sounds really good.

Xia Yan: I’ll check… “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”, an old song from 60 years ago.

The melodious song echoed in the antiques shop, every note reverberating in the bottom of the heart.

MC: No wonder the grandpa was so concerned about this tape… this was probably sung by the grandma for him when they were young.

Xia Yan: It’s impossible to not feel moved from receiving a confession like this.

MC: True, even I’m moved!

Xia Yan: Do you like this song a lot?

MC: I do… but no matter how good a song sounds, it’s only when the singer expresses emotions that they’ll be able to touch people’s hearts the most.

MC: I really want to have the grandpa listen to it fast!

After the sound of the music dissipated, Xia Yan took out the tape.

Xia Yan: Transferring the audio recording file is actually really quick, but I still need the next week to clean it up and make the sounds clearer.

MC: Great! That…

Xia Yan: What’s the matter?

MC: I want to listen to it for a moment more – can you play the original song?

Xia Yan: And here I thought you wanted to hear me sing.

MC: Could you? I remember that you just searched up the song name.

Xia Yan: I can learn if I don’t know how to – my learning ability is really strong.

MC: Okay, then I’ll invite great singing god Xia Yan to sing once!

 The sky grew gradually dimmer. Xia Yan sent me home, half humming and half singing the whole way. The night wind blew past, and the brisk melody rode on the wind, echoing at the end of the road.

 Home

MC: Download complete!

After getting home, I opened the music app I often used, search up this song, and downloaded it.

MC: Eh, this song was even the theme song of a movie? “50 First Dates”… First Love 50 Times? It’s a pretty interesting name. How about I call up Xia Yan next time to watch this movie?

Just when I was searching up resources on this movie, Xia Yan called.

MC: Have you gotten home?

Xia Yan: Mhmm, I did! I just received my client’s reply…

MC: So fast?

Xia Yan: It’s the time difference – she just happened to be online. What we found really was the confession tape that the grandma gave to the grandpa back then.

Xia Yan: Back then she wasn’t sure that it would be a success, so she placed the confession tap in a pile of music tapes and sent them over. But the grandpa didn’t react at all, so she thought that he didn’t hear it at all or lost it. Plus, afterwards, the grandpa didn’t continue to buy new tapes.

MC: Then in the end, they…

Xia Yan: About this…

Xia Yan’s tone was full of smiles.

Xia Yan: The grandma said, she originally thought that being just friends was also fine. After, it was the grandpa who took the initiative to chase her and confess.

MC: Wait, could it be with that confession sudoku?

Xia Yan: That’s right! The grandma was very reclusive back then, so as she lived on her own, she’d often make questions for fun.

MC: I never would’ve thought that the grandpa was faking a calm, collected demeanor, while actually being elated for sure internally…

Xia Yan: Yeah, the grandma also said that, no wonder he would often sneak into the book room in the past, staying there for a long time when he did.

MC: What the grandpa remembered at the end wasn’t the name of the song – instead, it was the tape. This means that what he loves isn’t this song – it’s the grandma.

Xia Yan: So she decided that she would sing for him in the future, regardless if he remembers it again or doesn’t.

Xia Yan: I wanted to tell you earlier so you would be happier.

Xia Yan: It’s pretty late now – sleep early. Goodnight!

MC: Goodnight!

Only after hanging up did I remember that I hadn’t told him about the movie.  

MC: Oh well… I’ll send him a message later.

--

Antiques Shop

Xia Yan sat before the table. The song was still playing on the terminal.

He hummed and sang quietly.

Xia Yan: When we can say goodnight and stay together. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up… In the morning when the day is new.

If we could say goodnight to each other and nestle together, if we could open our eyes together, welcoming each new morning, wouldn’t that be nice.

Xia Yan: I trust that, the precondition “if” doesn’t exist between me and you…

Xia Yan: I will definitely make all of this true.

-END-

[trueromantic1]

The Myth of Me and You Is Fiction Turned To Truth

Summary: After the events of both seasons (SVU 22x16 and OC 1x08), Olivia and Elliot find themselves in the unique position of knowing where there love story will end up, but having no idea what exactly will transpire to get them there. One thing they do know? Their love can only grow deeper, and that they’re bound to enjoy the journey.

Author’s Note: For the purposes of this story, SVU 22x16 ended on May 28 (canon) and OC 1x08 ended on June 4 (not canon). This picks up on June 7.

Title comes from Great Ones by Maren Morris. It’s definitely an EO song.

Rating: M, possibly Explicit eventually

ff.net: here

AO3: here

Her phone beeped, drawing her distracted gaze away from the paperwork in front of her. Seeing the text message notification lighting up the screen, Olivia took off her glasses and put her pen down, picked up the phone, and leaned back in her chair with a sigh as she unlocked it.

Can I buy you dinner? There’s news.

She frowned, trying to tell his mood from those few words. Realizing it would be impossible, she glanced out at the nearly empty squad room before hitting the call button instead.

“You didn’t have to call. I know you’re at work still Liv.” Judging by the voices she could hear in the background, he was still at work as well. She knew they’d been dealing with the lawyers and IAB ever since Morales turned out to be a mole and decided suicide by cop was the best way out.

“It’s fine El. I needed a break from the paperwork for a minute anyway. The one thing they never prepare you for is just how much paperwork you do when you’re in charge of a squad. So, what’s going on?”

He chuckled, and she could hear the creak as he leaned back in his own chair. “That’s what dinner is supposed to be for Liv. If I tell you now, what would be the point of dinner?”

She smiled, recognizing his tone as the slightly flirty one she’d been hearing more of ever since what was supposed to be Fin’s wedding. Neither one of them was ready to jump into a relationship, but they’d come to a silent understanding that night by the water. “I don’t know Elliot. We’ve never needed a reason for dinner before. Why don’t you just tell me the news now, and then you can come over to my place later and we’ll get Chinese. Noah’s taking advantage of it being summer vacation and is at a sleepover so his friend’s mom can take them to an early show of a ballet she worked on costumes for. Apparently, they allow friends and family to come for free on Tuesdays, but it’s normally during the school day.”

“Oh, I bet he’s excited. Sleepover during the week and going to a professional ballet performance?”

“Yes, he’s thrilled. It’s all he talked about all weekend. Now quit stalling Elliot. What’s going on?”

“I never could get one by you, could I? Okay. Well, Angela Wheatley woke up earlier today, and is expected to make a full recovery. Bell and Washburn went over to the hospital once they cleared her for visitors. And we’re finally supposed to be done dealing with IAB and the lawyers over this. We still have to wait for IAB’s official report, but I got the feeling none of us were going to get in trouble for what happened. They told Bell they’d already spoken to you as well, so you should be done with them for now too. And then on a more personal note, you remember I told you I was looking at apartments in the city? At Fin’s not-wedding and then that I had some more appointments the rest of that weekend? Well, I found one, and I went down and signed the lease today during lunch.”

“El, I’m glad things are working out with the case, and that IAB will be out of all of our hair. It’s still bothering me what exactly Richard Wheatley was planning with that fake text sending me to the hospital. But I guess we won’t know unless he decided to tell us. But way to bury the lead! El, that’s great! I can’t believe you found a place in just a week. You didn’t just settle for something did you? You need a good place for you and Eli to make a home.” She knew he’d been anxious about getting out of the one bedroom short-term he’d rented after Kathy’s death, so she hoped he’d taken his time to find something he really liked.

“It’s nice, knowing you worry about us. And thanks. Don’t worry, it’s actually a great place. Rent’s a little higher than I’d planned, but I can make it work. It’s about halfway between here and the one six actually. About two blocks from the school Eli will be going to, assuming they’re back to in person by then. And it’s a three bedroom two and a half bath, which I figure will come in handy if any of the kids decide to visit and don’t want to drive home ever. And it’s near a park, in case anyone else wanted to visit. I take possession this Sunday, and Bell gave me Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off so I can get some stuff moved in. I’ve got some furniture scheduled for delivery on Monday.” The calm she’d been hearing more and more in the last few weeks shone through, which she knew was at least in part because he’d finally started talking to someone. But she thought a lot of it had to do with settling back into the city, since he’d confided that as much as they’d been happy in Italy, the energy had just never been exactly right to him.

“I’ll always worry El, you know that. I’m glad though. Now you and Eli have all summer to get settled in. Hopefully he’ll meet some of his future classmates, so he won’t fell so new when school starts back up. And you know, it just so happens, I might know someone who could come help you get things set up. You know, if you were interested.” She made sure to infuse her voice with a hint of suggestion, upping the playful flirting they’d been indulging in just a bit. She mentally patted herself on the back when she heard the hitch in his breath followed him clearing his throat. His next words, voice lowered and with a hint of a growl, proved he hadn’t lost a step either, as she felt herself flush with arousal and a corresponding dampness between her thighs that she was fast becoming reacquainted with that caused her to cross her legs and shift in her seat to try to alleviate the pressure.

“Is that so? Well, far be it from me to turn down someone willing to work up a sweat with me. Why don’t we discuss it more over dinner? I should be able to be to your place by 7, if that works for you.”

She checked the time, then the stack of papers she needed to finish, then glanced into the squad room. Seeing her people were now at their desks, folders open in front of them, she quickly calculated it’d be at least another hour before she could even think of leaving, especially if she planned to take three days off next week. “Make it 8?”

“8 it is. Want me to pick up our usual on my way over, or are we having it delivered?”

“Hmm, better pick it up. You know how busy they get. If you call it in when you leave, it’ll probably be just about ready by the time you get there.”

“Sound good. I’ll let you go so you can finish up all that paperwork. See you in a few hours Liv.”

“Alright. Bye El.” Hanging up, she pressed the phone against her chest a moment, savoring the warm feeling she always seemed to get when she talked to Elliot these days, before standing up and walking out into the squad room.

“Anything you guys haven’t finished by 7, you can leave until tomorrow. Short of a new case, you can all clock out then, since we’re currently between cases.” She turned to head back to her office and the stack of paperwork, but turned back around when Amanda spoke.

“Are you clocking out then too Cap? I know Noah’s at that sleepover. You shouldn’t stay late finishing paperwork anymore if we aren’t.” Her detective’s voice was concerned, and she realized just how much her stress and worry over the last three months must have shown, despite how hard she tried to hide it.

“Yes, he’s already called me to say goodnight, because apparently they will be too busy the rest of the night with sleepover stuff to worry about me. But don’t worry, I’m clocking out then too. Even if that pile of paperwork is only going to grow when you all turn in your paperwork.” She turned again, hoping to make it into her office before anyone thought too hard about her clocking out when she didn’t have to, but Fin’s teasing voice told her she was too late.

“You? Clock out early when you don’t have Noah waiting at home? What’s up? You got yourself a hot date or something?”

She was a Captain. Had been a police officer for over twenty years. She’d had to keep her cool when being questioned on the stand by lawyers all the time. But she knew, she knew, that she couldn’t hide the hitch in her step or the slight wince as he asked his question. Even as she turned back around, her face carefully blank, she knew he’d caught her. “Date? No, I don’t have a date. Who would I even have a date with?” Internally, she winced again as she heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Elliot Stabler tell her that asking that many questions just made her sound defensive, and therefore all the more suspicious. Registering the varying degrees of shock on the three’s faces, she smirked to herself for surprising them at least.

“Oh, I don’t know. A certain Detective, maybe? I saw you two together at the ceremony, off in your own little world by the water. Almost like old times, ‘cept the flirting was a little too obvious.”

Trying to control the embarrassed flush she could feel, she internally cursed. She’d hoped everyone had been too preoccupied to pay attention to her and Elliot, but knew that had probably been too much to hope for. She knew the rumor mill had picked right back up when he’d returned, and people realized they were talking again. “Alright, yes, I’m meeting Elliot for dinner. But it’s not a date. We’re just going to do some catching up over Chinese. We haven’t really had much time to just talk since he came back.” She ignored the pointed look he shot her, and appreciated that Amanda and Kat at least pretended not to be interested, as she finally made it back into her office. She heard his footsteps though, saw him shut the door behind him as she sat down behind her desk.

“You sure about this? I just don’t want you getting hurt. Don’t forget, I was here when he left.” She could see the worry clouding his face, and resigned to give him the truth. After all, he’d been there for it all.

“I’m sure. We’re…Taking things slow. We’ve talked, and while neither one of us is ready to just jump straight into a relationship, we’ve discussed it, and have agreed that’s where we’re heading. So we flirt some, and we spend time together, and we talk. We’re not defining it yet. I know it sounds like dating, and maybe in a way it is. But what’s important to us is rekindling our friendship, first and foremost. We’ve already talked about why he left, how he left. And I’ve told him not only what it did to me, but I’ve told him what he missed. He was…Devastated. It turns out the whole family was in France at the time, and by the time the kids came back, it had already become old news. He swore he would have come back had he known, and I believe him. I’d always wondered if he’d just stopped caring, but if you’d seen how he looked, you’d have had to believe him too. So yes, I’m sure about this. We’re going to take things slow for now, but we know where we’re going to end up, even if we aren’t sure when that will happen. Speaking of Elliot though, I’m going to take a few personal days next week to help him get moved into his new place. He gets the keys on Sunday, and his furniture comes Monday.”

He still looked a little worried, but she could tell he would take her at her word. “If you say so. I have to say, I’m surprised you guys already talked about that. But I’m glad. You deserve to be happy Liv, and I think he’ll make you happy. And don’t worry, I’ll cover next week for you. And I’ll let the others know you’ll be taking some time, and make sure they don’t ask you any questions.” He turned and left the office, leaving the door open behind him as he went back to his desk, stopping to talk to Amanda and Kat on his way.

Putting her glasses on and picking up her pen, she smiled to herself as she went back to her paperwork. She still had a lot to work through before it was time to head out, though she was hoping the anticipation would make the time pass faster. Afterall, it wasn’t every day she got to head home to a hot meal and an even hotter man, not that she’d tell him that. His ego was already inflated enough.

[vesuvian-american-fics]

True Bloodlust Ch 10

The Hunt Begins

Finally, that violence and blood you've been craving is finally gifted. It's high time you show your true worth to the Phantom Troupe, and your worth to Feitan. (AO3)

Words: 1,770

Itching with anticipation, in unison Feitan, Phinks, and Nobunaga scooch to the edge of their seats watching everything play out on the plasma screen before them. Feitan stared at the television with ever-growing focus, his aura growing more intense by the second. Phinks and Nobunaga shared a glance at each other, smirking inwardly at how Feitan was losing his usual composure over you.  

Back at the gala, you too were itching with anticipation. Fidgeting and unable to stay still, Shalnark slinked his muscular arm around your waist and pulled you near.  

“You scared?” He whispered teasingly.  

“Hell no! I want something to happen already.” You whisper screamed in response. Back at the base Chrollo shook his head, humming contently to himself at your words.  

“Much like Uvogin,” he thought to himself. Down the hall the rest of the Spiders gave quiet commentary, making bets and guesses on your ability and its limits.  

“I don’t care what they can do, so long as they pull their own weight.” Machi comments, attempting to seem uninterested in the little game her comrades were making out of this.  

“Jealous already, Machi?” Hisoka purred into her ear after lifting a pink lock of hair out of his way. Machi swatted his hand away before returning her attention to the screen.

“I’m not jealous, jeez. I’m just not making a game out of something so serious. They’re clearly inexperienced when it comes to stealth.” Machi analyzed your body language, only an idiot would be able to ignore your bloodlust, you can’t even hold yourself still.  

“Ooh~ I understand, you’re worried about your new friend?” Hisoka says, an air of delight melting into his words. He leans back onto his hands, stifling his giggles at Machi’s flushed cheeks and muttered words.  

“Pay attention.” She spat, ending the conversation abruptly. Machi came to like you pretty quick, you were excitable, but still there was a weakness she couldn’t quite pinpoint about you. She’d hate to see you die so soon. You need discipline to make it in the Spiders. She hopes you aren’t as disposable as you seem right now.

Truthfully, many of the other Spiders, Phinks and Nobunaga including were having the same thoughts. Were you capable? Was the reason you were so quickly allowed into the Phantom Troupe because you were going to die on your first mission so it didn’t matter?

Yes, that was exactly what Chrollo figured would happen. In truth, the reason the Glam Gas Land Mafia are at the gala in waves this evening is because Chrollo Lucilfer himself had them hired. For if you and Shalnark are to fail, Chrollo still wins a check at the end of the night. He loses nothing from this bet. However, if you prove yourself, he gains the check and a new member strong enough to have earned their spot amongst the Spiders.  

If this task proves too much for Shalnark alone, he’ll send Feitan and the others for back up and kill everyone in attendance, despite the initial call for no violence. Chrollo simply can’t lose a thing in this scenario. It’s entertaining for one.

…

“Well, you got your wish. Someone’s coming this way, act normal.” Shalnark warns inconspicuously. It was true, to you and Shalnark’s left was a large burly man, shaved head and a menacing ragged scar decorating his sharp strong jaw.  

He had to be just shy of Franklin’s height, you imagined. He trudged fourth, a stern look on his face. He’s what you would imagine a caveman to look like, strong brow bone, a permanent scowl. Intimidating to most but an intriguing challenge to you.  

His hulking figure cast a shadow over your form, your eyes panned up to evenly hold his stare. Almost as if you two were testing each other’s strength though shared eye contact, but something about your eyes were so sinister and empty the stranger had to look away.  

Your smirk spread just a fraction wider at that small win, Feitan’s smirk mimicked yours little did you both know. Nothing got past his keen eye, he noticed the way the Mafia man shivered under your piercing gaze, Feitan only wished he could see that look in person.  

However, before he could have anymore lewd imaginations the man before you finally spoke, addressing Shalnark.  

“You two don’t look like you’re from around here...” He says, cracking his knuckles to look threatening.  

“We’re not.” Shalnark responds slyly, giving a soft smile that his big round eyes match perfectly. You smile as well, and it would look more genuine if not for your narrowed soulless eyes.  

“Hm. Well, outsiders weren’t welcome.” He grunts back, nodding to his other men to come join him. Two more large men, nearly identical to the first circle around you both.  

“How’s about we go talk in private?” The man asks smugly.  

“Sounds lovely.” You coo, following after the man dutifully. The two of you are led away from the main ballroom and closer towards the back of the building, empty and abandoned corridors at every corner. Perfect for the job that lies ahead.

The further away you walked the more men you noticed filing in behind you both. Shalnark wasn’t necessarily nervous but he was beginning to understand that this job would become more difficult than he’d like to admit. You however, were feeling giddy. Finally, a real job, bloodshed, a fight, something you’ve longed for for so long. Only thing that could make it better were if Feitan were present. You wanted nothing more than to fight along his side, to impress him further.

But for now, tonight, you needed to focus and show your worth to your new Boss. Without stealing a glance behind you, at lightning speed your nailed sharpened with channeled nen and you sliced a small cut on the back of the Mafia boss’s neck.  

To the untrained eye your movements were too fast to detect, simply looking like a trick of the light to the men following after you, if they caught that at all. You made sure to show the camera that was situated in your fake glasses the small drop of cherry red blood before ingesting it. You hummed at the flavor; it was sweet like candy.  

You desperately wanted more from him.  

Behind you, Shalnark has already stuck 2 pins in the men directly behind you. That leaves just ten men here that are free of being controlled for the time being. The Mafia Boss opened large double doors at the end of the hallway that led outside of the fancy hotel the gala was being held at.

The brutes filed out after you both and surrounded you and Shalnark. The boss rounded on the two of you, pulling a gun from out of his pants waistband.

“Do you want to die quickly or not?” He asked, not sparing you both a second glance.  

“What about you?” You asked, rocking back and forth on your heels. Stifling your giggles through pursed lips.  

"Childish glee," Chrollo commented to himself.  

The man simply quirked his thick brow at you before stopping in his tracks and coming to stand in front of you hoping to use his height as an intimidation tactic.

“I said, what about you? Do you want to die quickly or be my toy for the night? Your blood tastes so sweet, I hope we can play longer–” You say flicking some dust off of his broad chest. He roughly swatted your hand away before grabbing you by the collar.  

“I don’t know what you’re on but I ain’t dying tonight!” He barked lifting you by your collar until you struggled to keep yourself grounded.

“I don’t have the time to keep you, it has to be tonight.” You pouted, and before he could form words to respond back to you, you cut him off.

“Think about it a bit while I borrow your body.” With that you clasped your hands together and took control, gently the Mafia boss released your collar and set you back on the ground carefully. He pulled out his revolver, aiming it to colleague’s head.

Before the rest of the Mafia men could comprehend what was going on, you made him pull the trigger. Shalnark jumped out from the sea of men, pulling out his bat phone to begin using his subjects. The two of you used your three men to shoot and kill the other ten ruffians and subsequently the two that Shalnark was manipulating.  

Tears could be seen streaming down the Boss’s ashen cheeks. His lip bobbed pitifully as he wept, unable to control his body and stop the casualties.  

“Good job!” You exclaim, nudging Shalnark with your elbow playfully.  

“Though, I’m sure there’s more guys inside just waiting on us,” the Boss’s eyes widened a fraction and darted towards you, fearful.  

“Yup, that just about confirms it, let’s keep this one of course and take the dead one’s guns.” You explain, Shalnark allows you to take the lead given that this is your test and all.  

You release the man, only for a moment as you massage your temple. Controlling your puppets in this manner causes immense strain on the mind, and you were sure to take more puppets along the way. The Mafia Boss ran only a few steps before you sliced a deeper gash on the back of his neck. So deep, he’d need stitches if he were going to survive this at all.  

He barked in pain before his body went stiff in time with the clap of your hands meeting once again to regain control. The bond was stronger now, the more blood the better the control, yet the more strain on you in turn. But you didn’t mind, you can handle the excruciating headache later.  

You turned the Mafia man around to face you once more, his face was blank but, in his mind, he was screaming bloody murder. The look on your face was sickening and horrifying, he’d never been more afraid. Are you human? That grin that for sure could split your face in half at any moment, the glazed look in your eyes, you licked your lips, traces of his blood dripping down your chin. You moaned at the flavor sinfully, causing Feitan’s pants to grow tighter around him.  

“Tsk.” He sucked his teeth, evidently growing more frustrated that he couldn’t be out there with you enjoying himself.  

“Let’s go have some fun.” You said, before both you and Shalnark reentered the venue with your puppet, ready to claim that prize check by any means necessary.  

[heavenlysan]

Cruel Love (10)

Mafialeader!San | Detective!Reader | Soulmates | Choi San x female reader | NSFW | Explicit language | TW: Hints of domestic abuse |

Words: 3,5

Chapters:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |

(Y/N’s POV)

I have to admit at first I didn’t want to drive, I’m a terrible driver my car and the FBI’s car had a lot of scratches everywhere and I didn’t want to leave San’s car the same way something tells me he wouldn’t care but I anyways drove as best as I could but keeping it that way was hard since I could feel San’s deep stare while driving, it was definitely making me blush and giving me a thousand thoughts but I tried to ignore it for as long as I could.

“You know you’re not supposed to distract the driver right?” I say with a smile, without taking my eyes off the road.

“I’m not doing anything” He teased

“You’re staring at me”

“I just think you look gorgeous with my hoodie”

I unglued my eyes from the road to look down at my body, shit I forgot I’m wearing his hoodie. “I’m sorry I kept wearing it” He laughs and I chuckle, he sounds more relaxed now but not completely.

“You don’t have to apologise to me” There’s a red light and I take advantage of that to look at him “Like ever”

San is so sweet and I can’t help but feel like shit, my initial idea was doing something good for him to release the noticeable stress he was carrying on his shoulders but while driving I got the stupid idea of taking him to the FBI and forget this beautiful fantasy ever happened. I hated myself for having that second idea so I pushed it back, really back on my mind and threw it in a trash can. Sooner or later I’m gonna have to give Irene all the updates but for now I don’t want to think about that. The light changes back to green and I get back to driving.

“You look tense princess” He says with a frown.

“Is it that obvious oh god” I ask while I touch my cheek as I feel it warming up “I’m a terrible driver” I confess ashamed.

“You’re doing great” I snicker shyly. Anyone else in the world would get nervous if the designated driver suddenly admits they’re bad at driving, why is he so calmed?

“I guess you haven’t seen my car” I say while looking at him for half a second and get my eyes back on the road immediately “But it’s okay we’re almost there" 

"We can play some music and maybe that’ll relax you” I’m hesitant, I think music distracts me even more but San’s hand is already turning on his radio.

“It’s all about finding the right song” The first seconds of around twelve songs passed but none of those convinced him he was about to give up and turn it back off but then he stopped in one and smiled at me “This one is perfect”

“The Beach Boys?” Wouldn’t it be nice was playing, in the corner of my eye I saw him and he looked pleased.

“Yeah why not” He playfully asks “We can sing it together”

“What?” My eyes go wide open along with a smile “You don’t wanna hear me singing”

“It’s only for relaxing purposes princess and wouldn’t it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?” He starts singing and I listen in awe, he had to be sweet, caring, handsome and have a gorgeous voice didn’t he? “Come on this is a classic I know you know the lyrics”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new? And after having spent the day together” I stop singing and laugh embarrassed “I can’t but you keep going”

“What? You sound perfect princess” He replies “Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray It might come true”

He keeps singing and clapping his hands and I actually pay attention to the song and I can help but feel upset a sigh leaves my body wouldn’t it be nice if I had met San under different circumstances. I stop the car abruptly and he looks at me surprised and confused.

“I need you to cover your eyes” I say softly he looks at me with squinted eyes but does as I say.

I drive just a little bit more and he grows impatient, are we there yet? He keeps asking and I keep saying no I have to admit he sounds… Adorable.

It looks like it didn’t rain around here and that’s a relief my plan would’ve been ruined a little if it had.

“Okay we’re here but don’t uncover your eyes yet” I say and I undo both of our seat belts.

I get out of the car and a nice breeze of fresh air hits me, this is one of my favourite places so I really hope he likes this. I open San’s door and I walk behind him covering his eyes so he doesn’t cheat.

“Okay here it is” I remove my hands from his eyes and he gasps.

“The ocean?” He looks around completely amazed.

“Yeah but that isn’t all the beauty of this place look up” San does as I say and he looks like an excited child and I smile at the sight of the stars reflected in his eyes “There aren’t buildings around here and as you can see it’s pretty dark and because of that the stars are more visible. And well you see, a sweet and handsome man once told me that after an orgasm you’re supposed to see the stars but I didn’t bring you here to have sex but I still wanted you to see the stars” He looks back at me and a soft smile grows in his face making his eyes slowly desapear.

“How do you do that princess” A confused expression shows on my face.

“Do what?”

“Make my heart flutter”

I felt shivers down my spine and butterflies in my stomach. San you make my heart flutter as well I thought to myself. If someone had told me that I would be feeling this way towards San when I had just started this case I would’ve probably laughed hysterically, and if someone had told me years ago that a man was going to look at me with such tenderness in his eyes and hold me and protect me like I’m the most precious diamond on earth I probably would’ve been sad and mad at them for making such jokes.

“There’s something I want to know princess” He lays his long black coat on the sand for us to sit “I just told you I’m the leader of a big Mafia aren’t you scared or curious about it, you look so calmed”

“Well yeah I’m a little curious, but when you told me about it it sounded like you were nervous about it I don’t wanna push you or something we have plenty of time” He looks touched at my words

��We can talk about it, I trust you enough, ask away”

To be honest I didn’t want more details, the more details I had the more details Irene had. But San wanted to talk about it and changing the conversation would be plain rude.

“How did it started” I say quietly

He sighs but doesn’t look bothered by my question “I didn’t build it on my own, I had a friend and we both worked as hitmen for his grandfather, I started getting closer with him and soon he considered me his grandson too and his right hand, I stopped being just a hitman to be involved in all the things he did as well” he takes a pause to look at me “But then age started doing things to him, he realised that he couldn’t work anymore and he left the big empire he created to the person he trusted the more, at that time we all thought it would be his grandson but he gave it to me”

“Did he die” I ask

“No, he’s still alive but he doesn’t remember a thing I think he still recognises some people but not so much” He says and his voice sounds sad I guess that man is someone San looked up to.

“But please don’t think bad of me princess, I know I was a hitman but I only killed bad people, real criminals, I always did my research and I never killed innocent people—”

I cut him off by placing one of my fingers on his lips I give him a quick smile and I rest my head on his shoulder while holding is hand “You really don’t have to explain that to me” I feel his shoulder relaxing as I let out those words “And what happened after that, it must have been a lot of pressure for you”

“It was, especially since my friend got really mad at me after his grandfather picked me and not him and that’s understandable but I had no control over that, I told him we could work together and make it even bigger but he left and made his own businesses” He rests his head on mine and sighs “After that Wooyoung, Seonghwa and Hongjoong joined me I felt bad since we were long time friends and I knew they had different plans for their lives but I needed men I could trust and they needed money so we worked together, later on Yunho, Mingi, Yeosang and Jongho joined, and we build it even bigger we got deals not only here but outside the country too, like Japan, Italy, Colombia, Mexico and many more and deals with politicians as well, I have control pretty much on everything around here and outside, my old man was scared to get this out of the country but we’re careful with everything we do and it has been going well so far”

I’m left without words, knowing all of this I think I can see and understand what I thought it was his dark side. He has this job not because he wanted to but because someone trusted him. Yeah he killed people but he only killed bad people, while being a detective I’ve known cops and judges who have killed or imprisoned good and innocent people and those cops and judges don’t get the punishment they deserve all because of their high positions those people are the real criminals.

“You still don’t look slightly concerned or scared” He saids and pulls me out of my thoughts.

“You want me to be scared of you?” He laughs as he shakes his head.

“No, I just expected a different reaction”

“It’s because I don’t have or had the best lifestyle and I don’t think I’m in the place to judge you or be scared of you”

“Being a sex worker isn’t something to be ashamed of princess” I wasn’t talking about that, or me being a detective.

“It’s not that, and I’m not ashamed about being a prostitute, I was talking about my past, I think I’ve killed a man” I take a second to process why I said it and why I said it as if it was nothing.

“You think?” He looks confused.

I don’t understand why but I keep going “Do you remember I told you about me being homeless for some time” He nods “And then how a man found me, I lived with him only for a few months, but it felt like an eternity at first I thought I was in love with him he took care of me and paid for my food and other stuff but” I start trembling a little but I force myself to endure it and stop “When I saw myself in the mirror and I finally noticed all the bruises I had I realised that that wasn’t love and I had to leave that place or else I’d end up dead” His chin trembled like he’s holding back tears and that pained my heart “One night I got him drunk really drunk, when he passed out in his room I set the place on fire and I locked all the doors so he couldn’t escape and I ran as fast as possible, so fast and so much that I ended up right here, I cried so much but it felt like a cry of victory not of sadness, I stayed here till the sunrise this place made me feel safe and at peace it became my secret and favourite spot” I sigh “I never went back or tried to find out if he died or survived, I survived and nothing else mattered”

The wind and waves is the only sound, he pulls me into his lap and I wrap my legs around his waist resting my arms on his shoulders. He’s lost at words just as I was after he talked about his life.

“You don’t have to carry that on your own any longer” He said while holding my cheek and he was right, I think at this point he already knows almost everything about me and it felt so relieving letting out all the secrets I held on my own for so long, it felt liberating.

“I just told you that I think I’ve killed a man but you don’t look scared of me Sannie” His sad puppy expression changes into a small smile.

I rest on my back with my legs still wrapped around San bringing him down with me, I give him a quick kiss and as I saw him and his sparkling eyes, his dimples, his gentle touch and my heart out of control I realised something. I like him… so much, and I don’t want to keep this going fuck Irene and this mission she and the FBI can go and fuck themselves, this is the only good and real thing that has happened in my entire life and I don’t want it to end, even if I end up in jail for not following my contract I won’t do this to San he doesn’t deserve this.

“What are you thinking princess?” He asks suddenly bringing me back

“Choi San I think I like you too” His eyes go wide open and his jaw drops, he gets up from our hold and he looks like he cannot believe what I just said, he points his index finger at himself and a soft almost inaudible me? leaves his lips. “Yes you, I like you”

He runs towards the ocean with his arms open “She likes me back” He yells with happiness and excitement as the waves touch him. I run to him and I jump onto his torso, he catches me and our bodies fit so well, Lucy was right and I finally found the missing piece of my puzzle. “Princess with those words you just made me the happiest man on earth” He kisses me, slowly, his hands are on my tights lifting me and I want to stay this close for longer. His lips feel so good pressed against mine, his tongue feels so good dancing with mine.

He walks back to our spot, with me still in his arms, the moonlight covering and protecting us, this doesn’t feel like the beginning criminal and undercover detective, right now this is just us, simply as that. I lie on San’s coat him by my side, he shifts his body to lie on his side, I cup his cheek bringing him closer to me I leave a kiss on his lips a long lasting one and move on to his neck.

“Don’t do that princess or else we’ll end up fucking right here” I laugh at his words

“That’s the point” A sensual grin appears on his face, I want to feel his touch and he understands my begging eyes, his wet hair drips water droplets onto my face. He kisses me rough and I can’t understand how just a kiss gets me on fire, I feel my entire body burning. He brings his hand to my neck and trails it down down the valley of my breasts, down my stomach just with his fingertips until he stops, he lifts my dress up and I no longer feel exposed or shy in front of him.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” He goes back to kissing me and his hand back to my stomach right above my underwear. His touch is so slow but he knows exactly what he’s doing. His hand reaches into my panties, and a soft moan comes from my lips and I feel him smiling between our kiss. His fingers move a little “You’re so wet princess, you feel so good” he says as I moan “I love that sound princess moan for me” His fingers go faster, I feel like I’m gonna explode my hands travel to his neck and to his hair, his fingers still inside me going in circles, I bring him closer to me kissing and leaving a mark on his neck, he groans, it’s like music to my ears. “I can’t get enough of you, y/n” it’s been a long time since he called me by my name, his voice sounds raspy and deeper, filled with lust. it sounds so hot when he says it. “I want to kiss every single inch of you” He whispers. I’m hypnotized by his brown eyes staring fervently into mine. He kisses me, his lips are demanding, soft and slow, he leaves a trail of kisses down to my neck, my chest, my stomach, his fingers suddenly stopping and I wanted to scream, I want more, but then I felt something even better, his tongue, this feels like paradise. I run my fingers through his hair, I’m desperate I want him deeper inside of me.

"San please” I cried, his hands squeezing my tights, his lips felt so good, his tongue felt even better, I was moaning out of control. I look down at San looking up at me and grinning, his hair wet and pressed down on his forehead, his tongue extended, my back arched and my legs twitching, I throw my head back and I feel this huge relief. It’s almost painful yet so satisfying. I push him so he rests on his back I get on top of him taking him by surprise he took the lead for too long now it’s my turn. I wanted to kiss him forever, I kissed his neck and he loved it as much as I do. The bulge in his thin boxers growing, I reach down caressing San, Fuck he whines, my fingers go around him and I wiggle them a little. I lean down, opening my mouth I take him in, his moans are desperate and I just can’t get enough of that sound and how I’m the one provoking it, his hips rock upward to meet my mouth. I push myself further, taking all of him in, and look up at him. His eyes are rolled to the back of his head and his breathing is slow and heavy, he looks heavenly.

“Fuck… princess” he gasps my hand moves up and down on the bottom of him as my mouth works the tip. I look up at him and I love the way he is losing control because of me. I pull away teasing him, I get it inside of me all at once it’s painful but I get used to it in a matter of seconds, he wraps his arms around me, He groaned low in his throat when I started grinding against him. I moaned against his lips, his tongue swiping across my top lip biting it down as he thrusts his hips up.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could stay here forever.