#not always everywhere bc earth is tilted u know how it goes

[ceilingfan5]

omg can u continue the fake proposal taakitz bodyguard one bc id LOVE to know how far that shit goes like. lucretia? pissed. taako? is going to marry this dude or so help him he does NOT need press abt a ''""breakup''"". kravitz? thinks this is funny as fuck. the pining? thicker than pea fucking soup.

i had to go digging for it omg 

part one here

Lucretia calls them in the car and Taako puts her on speakerphone so that Kravitz can suffer too. He rests his head against the glass and makes faces as she talks.

“Taako, I can’t believe this. I simply cannot believe this. What on Earth possessed you to do this? You’re going to have to break it off--it’s going to have to be public-- Taako, are you listening? This is worse than that ball disease you invented.”

“That was pretty good, wasn’t it.”

Lucretia sighs. 

“Hey,” Taako says, a little nasally as he presses his nose against the window. Kravitz makes a face from the driver’s seat, but doesn’t join in. “At least I’m not a Scientologist. Do you want me to be a Scientologist? Because I have connections.”

“With my luck you’d invent your own cult religion and call it Taakoism-”

“I’m definitely going to do that now. Thank you for calling.”

“Taako, I’m serious.”

“You always are, pumpkin.”

“Kravitz, please intervene.”

Kravitz sighs, having finally been dragged into the conversation.

“This has nothing to do with me, it wasn’t my idea. Can’t we tell the press it was a joke?”

“You say that, but you’re the one who said yes!”

“If you think about it, public proposals are pushy and performative, so if we’re being honest I was coerced.”

“If you tell the press that, you’re fired.”

“Oh no,” Kravitz deadpans. Taako snickers. 

“Look, Luce, we’ll figure it out, alright? It’ll be fine.”

It does not turn out to be fine. They show up at the mansion to discover that the paparazzi have camped out and they swarm the car within seconds. 

“Ten points each,” Taako mutters, sliding down in his seat. 

“If only,” Kravitz sighs. He keeps inching the car towards the garage. “Taako, what’s our plan? How are we going to break up?”

“We’re not going to break up. You’re my fiance now. Congrats.” 

“Taako-”

“The last thing I need is a breakup right now! Give me a few days and we can call it off later, okay? Just chill!”

Kravitz is not good at chilling. He paces the mansion like a guard dog, eyeing paps and daring them to step to. Taako can’t help but laugh. 

“I guess I’m trapped here for a few days, if I don’t want to face the zombie hoards.” 

“Oh no, how terrible,” Taako says, spraying poptart crumbs everywhere. The roomba sings a jolly tune and trundles over to correct the mishap. Taako pets it with his foot affectionately. “You’ll die, trapped here with me, in a gorgeous mansion with a guy who cooks really good.”

“My mothers probably think I’ve gone crazy...”

“Let ‘em.” Taako unwraps another poptart. “Sometimes it’s fun to go crazy. This shit is so stifling, it gets really boring. Gotta like, you know, feed the fish sometimes.” 

Kravitz shakes his head, laughing quietly. Taako’s cheeks burn. He’s gorgeous. Who the fuck let a bodyguard be this gorgeous??

“Are you a model?” he blurts out. 

“No, I just look like one.” Kravitz winks at him, and Taako’s poptarts do a funny dancy in his belly. 

They end up spending a lot of time together. Kravitz tries to read a book, and Taako tries to entertain himself to no avail, which means it becomes Kravitz’s problem to entertain him. Hanging upside down off the designer couch, Taako makes annoying noises, trying to get Kravitz to look at him. Kravitz doesn’t oblige, so he goes in for questioning instead. 

“Have you always been a bodyguard?”

“Came out on day one wearing tiny sunglasses.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“I have a fiance.”

“Really?” Taako tilts his head up and all the blood rushes to his face. 

“It’s you, Taako.”

“Oh.” Taako kicks his feet lazily. “Do you like me?”

Kravitz gently sets his kindle down. 

“You’re interesting enough. You’re certainly more interesting than my other clients.”

“You have other clients?? Cheater!!! Adulterer!” Taako points aggressively at him and tumbles off the couch into a heap. Kravitz laughs, oh, that musical laugh. It makes Taako’s insides jumble. 

“Are you alright?”

“Just bruised my ego.”

“Maybe it’ll deflate.”

“Awful, awful man.” Taako’s quiet for a long moment, long enough for Kravitz to start reading again, and this time, his voice is soft. “Do you really want to call it off?”

“Taako,” Kravitz says, looking over his reading glasses. Stupid sexy motherfucker. “Even if you weren’t my employer, which is its own problem, we barely know one another. You did it for the goof. It’s okay to admit that.”

“But...do you want to get to know me? Would that be so bad?”

Kravitz regards him for a moment. 

“I suppose I’m not busy with anyone else,” he says, after a long, deadly moment. “Maybe we can let it go on until you get bored of me.”

“Easy,” Taako says from the floor, still ass-over-teakettle. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears when he looks at Kravitz, and it plays a funny rhythm he doesn’t recognize. “Things will be back to normal in no time.”