#not actually. crying weeping crying blushing kicking my feet giggling

[oldbutchdaniel]

PATRON SAINT OF COCK WARMING 💀❤️

you know what i never thought of it like that. but i'm not going to argue with you either.

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 19

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: n/a (we’re at happier days i promise) Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

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You didn’t have to wake up the next morning - you were already awake. It was a situation you hadn’t found yourself in in a pretty long time. Usually, you could power through, just take it like a woman, but last night had been too much. It went beyond just seeing Bucky’s actions. It crossed into a territory of feeling his shame, his hatred towards himself. You didn’t think that was going to leave you anytime soon. 

Due to the fact you were back on a regular schedule at work, you couldn’t ponder it. You felt like you had slipped back into the cycle except this time you were actually in contact with your soulmate. The prospects of it getting better fluctuated. 

After a quick shower, you tossed your bag together and began making your way out of the apartment. You were opening this morning at the shop alone and maybe that was for the best. No one needed to see you this exhausted. A couple - or dozen - shots of espresso should have you up and running for the morning rush. 

But when you began descending down the apartment building steps, you noticed a looming figure waiting on the sidewalk, looking towards the street. Your heart sank as you raced to the door. 

“Bucky?” You called out. He perked up, turning his head quickly towards you. He was sporting a bit of a black eye and cut above his lip. It was, without a doubt, him. You broke off into a run, throwing your arms around his neck. He welcomed it, pulling you in by your waist. You could feel yourself suddenly begin to weep.

“It’s me, doll,” he mumbled into your hair. His grip on you got tighter. 

“Are… Are you okay?” You asked as you pulled your head away from his chest to look up, inspecting the damage on his lovely face. His expression was sad and heavy. “I-I saw-”

But he cut you off before you could go any further, “I’m fine.” He knew what you saw. There was no need to dig up the grave.

You were relieved both regarding the fact you didn’t have to explain anything and that your soulmate was okay - or at least going to be. You relaxed slightly.

“I’m so glad,” you said. And you meant it wholeheartedly. “That was it, right? Those days are…” 

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, sweetheart. Hopefully, everything’s going to be a little bit easier now. Steve is passing along the news. From my understanding it’s going to take a little negotiating but... the Winter Soldier is going to be out of commission.” He let out a weak laugh but you didn’t find that last statement humoring.

“I never thought of you as the Winter Soldier. Not really Not - Not genuinely.” You sighed, your hand coming up to the non-injured side of his face. “You’re just Bucky. My Bucky. My soulmate.”

Bucky gave a small nod but from his eyes, you could tell he wasn’t fully convinced. He changed the subject swiftly, “Are you okay?”

You removed your arms from around his neck, almost wanting to put distance between you two, but Bucky wasn’t exactly letting up yet with an iron grip still on your waist. You settled for resting your hands on his chest.

“I’m going to be,” you shrugged. You just wanted to be honest. “Maybe it’ll take a minute or two but it’ll be alright. We’re going to be alright.”

Bucky gave a small smile in agreement before finally letting you out of his hold. He took a step back and then offered her arm towards you. You frowned, confused.

“What?” He scoffed. “Did you expect me to just show up and not walk you to work?”

You couldn’t help the smile that began spreading quickly across your lips. Without a second thought, you wrapped your hands around his bicep, moving in close to his strong body as you two started on the path towards the coffee shop. 

***

Amazingly, Bucky stayed with you for your entire shift. After you two arrived and you began setting up, you poured him a fresh cup of coffee while he grabbed the morning newspaper from the entrance stoop. He made himself comfortable at a table in the back of the shop where he sat reading the paper quite intensely. 

Just after the morning rush had died down, you got a bit concerned. Bucky was still at it, eyes roaming the words as he sipped his lukewarm coffee. You worried there was some article about him or that something from the mission was going to require more attention. But when you walked over to the table and peaked at the page, you found Bucky was reading the classifieds. 

“Looking for anything in particular?” You asked casually, trying to keep your voice light.

Bucky shrugged. “I was hoping there’d be some job openings I could apply for but I don’t know. I don’t think any of these places want a one-hundred-year-old ex-brainwashed assassin working for them.”

You frowned and glanced back at the front counter. When there was no sign of any customers ready to order, you sat down across from him.

“I don’t think anyone would turn down an Avenger,” you said. 

Bucky shook his head. “I wasn’t an Avenger, doll.”

You scoffed. “Fine. You were a freelance superhero.”

“I don’t know if that’s correct either-,”

“Bucky,” you sighed, “if you see something that catches your eye, you gotta go for it. Sure, maybe you’ll get passed on but, honey, that’s just the job-hunting process. Not sure if you had to deal with that back in the day or anything.” You let out a little giggle, mostly at the thought of teenage Bucky trying to man the counter of a store.

“I had a few jobs in my day, thank you very much,” He chuckled before folding up the newspaper. “Now,” he turned towards you, “when do you get off?”

You raised your brows. “You trying to pick me up or something, Barnes?”

His eyes shamelessly wandered over your form. You didn’t know what he was checking out as your apron wasn’t exactly the definition of sexy but with a little smirk, he responded, “All the time, doll.”

You felt your face get warm. “I’m off in a few hours, why?”

“Just wanted to take you on a date,” Bucky shrugged. “Said I was going to make it up to you when I got back, didn’t I?”

“Oh, Bucky, we don’t need to…”

He placed his hand over yours on the table. “Yes, I think we do.”

His look was serious despite the flirty tones. You weren’t inclined to argue. “Alright,” you nodded. “A date sounds lovely.”

After you agreed to a date, you gave Bucky a quick kiss before heading back to the counter. Your coworker had just arrived and was getting ready for her shift. From the expression on her face, you could tell she had witnessed your little love fest at the back table. You avoided her eyes as you started the coffee grinding machine.

“He’s really here,” your coworker whispered to you as she clocked in. You averted your gaze, trying to hide that blush on your cheeks that just wouldn’t go away. 

You nodded, “He is here.”

“How’s it been?” She asked. “Still in that honeymoon period?”

You moved towards cleaning the syrup bottles. “Well, it’s been quite the trip so far but I think we’re mellowing out.”

She hummed, intrigued. “If anyone would’ve told me after that day you broke down crying that you would eventually be falling head over heels for him, I would’ve said they were insane.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, glancing back over at where Bucky still sat, “it’s crazy, isn’t it?”

“That’s certainly one word for it.”

You stifled a laugh as a customer approached the counter. You jumped back into your job, your thoughts constantly wandering to your lovely soulmate sitting just feet away.

***

“Do you, like, enjoy surprising me or something?” You asked as you and Bucky walked hand-in-hand to whatever destination he was leading you towards.

Bucky chuckled, “I do get a kick out of it.”

Your shift had ended early after your coworker offered to take the rest of your hours. You had mentioned Bucky recently came back from an assignment and wanted to take you out. She immediately insisted you didn’t need to be spending your time serving coffee when you had a “gorgeous man” - her words, not yours, but you didn’t disagree - waiting. Bucky had looked so relieved when you told him you were off early, immediately grabbing your hand. 

The scenery became familiar. Confusion rushed over you as he stopped in front of the compound. You frowned, not sure this was the super cute romantic date you thought he had planned. 

Bucky must’ve noticed your disappointed look as he quickly explained, “I just need to grab something.”

You nodded, following him into the lobby. He asked you to wait right there then he was off. You stood around a bit awkwardly as it appeared to just be you and the front desk lady. She gave you a wave in greeting. You waved back. You felt a bit unsure if you should approach her, though. The past times you were living at the compound, you either never saw her or were too distraught to stop and chat. You did notice sometimes Steve would talk to her and even Bucky would say hello. 

“You’re Bucky’s soulmate, right?” The lady asked. You jumped, completely caught off-guard by her question.

“Oh, um, yeah,” you nodded, fumbling with your fingers awkwardly.

“Sorry, I don’t think I ever introduced myself. I’m Ella, the secretary.” 

You gave a small smile and shared your name with her. “Nice to meet you, Ella.”

You two had fallen into a bit of an awkward lull but luckily Bucky reappeared moments later. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder, his metal arm gripping its strap tightly. You wanted to ask what it was but before you could, he was grabbing your hand and exited the building. He called goodbye to Ella. 

“She seems nice,” you said as you continued to let Bucky guide you.

Bucky nodded. “I think she and Steve have something going on.”

“Hm, good for him,” you said.

You didn’t press any further, instead turning your attention back to wherever Bucky was taking you. You appeared to be making your way out of the city now, coming up on some park area. There wasn’t much around besides a chain coffee shop - one that could never match your place of employment. You had quite the brand loyalty. But Bucky walked right past it all, heading towards the pond in the center of the park.

Eventually, he stopped in the middle of the park lawn, just coming up to the edge of the water. You glanced around, only finding trees and the occasional chirping bird. You two appeared to be the only ones out today. You never recalled being around here before, usually not one for just hanging out in nature. 

Bucky, though, seemed fairly comfortable. He knelt down, placing the backpack beside him. He began unpacking it revealing a blanket and containers… A picnic, it dawned on you. He was setting up a picnic for you two. 

“Y-You planned a picnic?” You asked shyly as you sat on the blanket, watching Bucky spread out the packages of food. There were sandwiches, fruits, salads… 

Bucky blushed. “Well, I had some help from Steve but… Yeah, I wanted to do something a little different. I-I hope this is okay.”

You wanted to speak. You wanted to say that it was perfect. That he was perfect. That he was way better beyond your wildest dreams. That the nightmares you endured never, ever came close to representing who he truly was. That he was so much more than them. 

But words were failing you greatly so you took a spontaneous chance. A chance you never thought you'd be taking, not after everything you had endured. But you did and it somehow felt right.

You leaned over the blanket, over the lovely food that had been prepared, and snaked your arms around his neck. Bucky began to ask what you were doing but you quickly silenced him by placing your lips on his, all hot and needy. 

He was visibly surprised but reciprocated the action effortlessly. His arms came around your waist, pulling you closer to him. You let out a moan as you climbed into his lap, refusing to break the kiss. 

It was Bucky who eventually had to pull away for a second. He could feel where this kiss was going. And you playing with the ends of his hair wasn’t helping his situation. “W-We- We’re in a park, doll.”

You began littering his neck with kisses. “No one’s around,” you hummed. 

“The food-,”

“James,” you practically growled. 

Bucky chuckled, lowly. Dangerously. “You’re going to be the death of me.” His lips found yours seconds later. 

***

As you two laid in your bed later that night, you couldn’t believe how this, how everything, was panning out for you. Your mind shamelessly replayed your little park adventure which, yes, did eventually end with you two eating the food. But it had also lit something within you. You felt like you had after your first date all over again but stronger. Better. There were miles and miles to go on the recovery front but you could feel yourself getting somewhere. 

You shifted closer to Bucky who had fallen asleep a while ago after another round of glorious lovemaking. You just about lost track of how many times you two had gone at it today. 

You had just about surprised yourself with your boldness. The actions of sex were no longer scaring you as if you needed that push back into it. You don’t know what has caused it but there was a fire lighting in you. You probably could give some credit to therapy and time, healing time. The future was upon you. Everything seemed possible.

Softly, you leaned over and placed a kiss on Bucky’s lips causing him to stir a bit in his sleep. 

Groggy, he mumbled, “Everything okay?”

You placed your head on his chest. His arm came around your shoulder, whisking you in tightly. You sighed. “Yeah, Buck, everything’s okay.”

He hummed. “Good night, doll.” 

“Good night,” you whispered back. 

It took a bit of psyching yourself up but you eventually closed your eyes, trying to let sleep find you instead of you chasing it. 

Darkness filled your vision. And then there was Bucky.